#may your basement be too small!

[canned-wizard]

I’m not dead I promise. Last month I found out the tower I live in has a basement, and I’ve been exploring it ever since. It’s huge down here!

[sugume]

YOUR BIGGEST FAN — GETO SUGURU

✧･. on vacation with your family, you discover that your biggest fan may not be a mystery after fall.

( TW ) f!reader. camgirl!reader. stepbrother!Geto (in a plot device way, no nii-chan and stuff.) unprotected sex. cream pie. phone sex. squirting. fingering. mutual masturbation. cunnilingus. deception. mentions of bullying. misunderstandings. hurt/comfort. explicit content.  

word count - > 6.6k

authors note. can you see I wasn’t creative with the username? I have a love-hate relationship with this fic because I feel like it goes from 0 to 100 real quick lmfao. This is heavily inspired by the book Eyes on Me! 

“I bet you look handsome.” You smile at the black screen with the default profile picture floating in the middle. 

‘Nah.�� User @Sssman72  types into the chat the takes up the left half of your computer. 

“Stop! Don’t say think bad things about yourself,” You laugh, making sure your tits jiggle in the flimsy red lingerie you're wearing. “I know your handsome baby.” You reassure your favorite client. The man who alone gives you 50% of your income. He’s the one who bought you this pretty lingerie set you're wearing.  

‘You look tired babydoll...how was today?’ He types. 

“I’m fine, I promise, just had a long day, was on a few other private chats with some other customers the entire day.” You confess. In all honesty after this call you were planning to pass out and try to get a few hours of sleep before you had to fly out to your family's vacation home. Today on your live stream, you told your followers you were going on vacation for the next two weeks and wouldn't be online. You didn't plan to get on a call with @Sssman72 but he had texted you as you were getting ready to go to bed that he had a bad day and wanted to see you. Before you had a chance to protest, he spent you 500 and said it would only be 30 minutes. You gave in because first he was your biggest supporter and you wanted to be there for him in some way with all the money and gifts, he sends you and second, you didn’t mind chatting with him, you thought he was the sweetest and you struck lucky the day he joined one of your lives.  

‘I’ll let you go then, I want you to get some rest before your flight, sorry for keeping you up beautiful just needed to vent about my ass job.’ 

“I’m always here for you handsome, I'll make sure to send you those pictures you requested through the week.” 

‘Make sure you enjoy your break babydoll, don’t gotta worry about me. Goodnight.’ 

You say your goodbyes and end up falling asleep in the lingerie bought you as soon as you shut your laptop. 

— 

“How’s college y/n?” Your stepfather asks when you slide into the back seat of the car. Your mother fitting the last of your luggage into the trunk.  

“it’s fine, some of my classes are difficult but nothing I can't manage.” You answer as you buckle in. 

“Oh yeah? Thats good. You mom tells me you started a job a few months ago, how's that working out for you?”  

You tense under the small blanket you’ve thrown over yourself. 

“u-uhm yeah its good—yeah it’s been fun.” 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I don't remember what you mother told me you did again.” He chuckles. 

“Uhm—I'm a bartender, m-my friend works there and got me a position.” You tell him the lie you've rehearsed hundreds of times. You start to sweat under the blanket. Did he buy it? What if he and your mom found out what you did? Are they planning to ambush you when you get to the house? They're going to make you drop out and chain you up in the basement when they find out. You throw the blanket off, suddenly too hot and alert. Guess that nap you were planning on taking during the drive wasn’t happening. 

“Oh, that’s fun sweetheart, I remember I bartended awhile when I was in college, got fired for stealing the alcohol though,” He laughs at the memory before turning to look at you. “You wouldn’t do that though, you’re a good girl.” 

You nod, thankful that your mom decided now to take your stepdad's attention away and get in the car. 

“Alrighty were good to!” She cheers. Your stepdad turns back around in his seat before starting the car. 

“Finally, thought we were going to get a fine parked here another minute.” 

“Oh, shut up! Y/n are you excited to go back to the vacation house? You haven’t been in years!” You mom asks as you guys pull out of the airport.  

“Yeah, I can’t wait to, I missed the hiking trails and the waterfalls. None of that in the big city.” You answer truthfully. You did miss the silence of the secluded house you vacationed at every summer since your mom married your stepdad. It was the company that you hated. As if your mom heard your thought, she says something that makes your heart drop. 

“Suguru feels the same way, we didn't even have to blackmail him to come! That boy...” 

“Suguru is coming?” You scream.  

“Coming? Sweetie, he’s already arrived this morning. I’m so excited were all together as a family again.” 

“Are you fucking serious mom? Turn the car around and bring me back to the airport!” You screech. You were not going to spend the next week with your bully of a stepbrother.  

“Y/n!” You mom gasps. 

“Sweetheart, he’s changed.” Your stepdad tells you as if that's going to make it better. 

“That’s what he wants you to think! He’s the worst human being on planet earth, please don’t make me spend the next few weeks with him, please mom,” you lean over the consul. “Please dad.” You pout at your stepfather. You know he gets weak whenever you call him dad. 

“Sweetheart...” 

“No! You aren’t sweet talking your way out of this, he’s changed. He isn't the same teenager with a chip on his shoulder, he’s matured. He even told me the reason he’s coming is to apologize and bond with you y/n.” 

“He’s lying mom! He doesn't care about me; I wouldn't be surprised if he told you that just so he could drown me in the lake. You guys own the land so nobody would find my body!” You start to tear up. You were going to jump out of the car if your parents didn't turn back around. Your stepbrother was your biggest tormentor since the day you met him. From picking on you at home to getting the girls to bully you at school. He made your life hell for four years. The day you left for college you screamed how much you hated him and told your parents that the four of you would only be in the same room again when you lay in a casket. 

“Oh, don’t cry sweetheart. Your mother is right, he’s changed, I wouldn’t have allowed him around you if he hadn’t. Give us a week and if you want to leave, I promise I'll drive you back to the airport and you’ll never have to see him again, please?” 

“No.” You cross your arms and look out the window despite knowing that they’ve won. You can’t jump out of the car now that you are on the highway, and you didn’t bring your own car to drive yourself back to the airport. 

“We’ll give you the master suite, the whole attic floor to yourself.” They bargain. You act like you’re thinking of accepting the offer. With the master suite taking up the entire third floor you could lock yourself up there and ignore Suguru. You could also film videos and even go live because the room is soundproof. You perk up at that. You could just spend your vacation on stream and chatting with @Sssman72. He’s somehow always free for you and told you that if you get bored you could call him. He’ll make up for your stepbrother’s awful behavior. 

“Fine, I’ll take the master suite.” 

— 

“Okay that's the last of your luggage, we’ll be having dinner in a few hours on the dock.” 

“Kay, thanks.”  You watch your stepdad shut the door. Once he does you release the tension in your shoulders. You lock the door before running to throw yourself onto the huge king bed. You sink down. You didn’t see Suguru when you arrived, you mom told you he was probably in town. You hope he stayed in town for the next two weeks.  

After laying it bed thinking about how much you hate Suguru with a passion you pull out your phone and open the porn app. You click on messages and open your chat with @Sssman72. 

‘Hey...I know I told you I was on vacation but I already wanna go home. You don't have to answer lol.’ You send. He immediately starts typing.  

‘Of course, I'll answer you babydoll. What’s wrong?’  Your face heats at the pet names. You wish you knew what he looked like, all he told you about himself was that he was in his twenties and worked for his father's company. You want to know more, what he looks like, what he sounds like. If the messages he sends make you sweat, you wonder what’ll happen if he spoke to them to you. In your head he’s a handsome bachelor who just so happened to find you and deem you worthy of his time and money but hell, he could be lying. He could be some old rich man in his eighties who likes young girls like all the rest of your viewers. The romantic part of you ignores that and is convinced he is who he says he is and that one day you’re going to meet in person and fall in and have a bunch of his babies. 

‘You know that stepbrother I told you about?’ 

“Mm, that asshole who bullied you?’ 

‘Yep, that asshole. Anyways I bet you won't guess who's here on vacation with me?’ 

‘Are you serious?’ 

‘Dead serious...my parents didn’t tell me until I was already trapped and now, I have to spend my vacation away with a man who hates me for no reason.’ 

‘Wow that’s crazy lol. Did your parents tell you why he chose to vacation with you if he doesn’t like you?’ 

‘Apparently he’s here to make amends...he’s probably here to kill me so he gets all the inheritance.’ 

‘Well, what if he’s really there to make amends baby?’ 

‘You should've heard the groan I just let out. I can’t believe you’re on his side babe. When I tell you that he too evil for that I mean it.’ 

‘Hey, you know I'm always on your side babydoll, I'm just giving you a man’s perspective on it. Maybe he realized he’s fucked up and he feels back so he wants to apologize for all the wrong he caused you’ 

‘Yea well from a women's perspective he’s an asshole who doesn’t care about anyone else but himself!’ 

‘Don’t say the baby...hypothetically what would he have to do to get you to forgive him?’ 

‘Hypothetically he's going to have to get on his knees and beg for my forgiveness every time he sees me until I deem, he's forgiven. And he’s also gonna have to send every dollar in his bank account to me AND be my slave for the rest of his life...hypothetically.’ 

‘Lol you never know babydoll, he just might be willing to do anything for your forgiveness. I know I would.’ 

‘That’s because you’re perfect and care about my feelings...now I'm gonna go get some sleep before having to eat with the devil. Pray he doesn’t poison me and I survive the night.’ 

— 

You sit at the dinning room table waiting for Suguru. Of course, he’s late, he doesn’t care about anyone's time but his. You say so to your parents. 

“Y/n stop being so harsh and give him a chance please.” You roll your eyes and go back to scrolling on social media.  

“Sorry I'm late.” You jump at the deep voice before whipping your head to the left where your stepbrother stands looking so...so different. 

“Suguru! No need to apologize! Come sit.” Your mother points to the empty seat opposite you. Suguru glances at you and smiles before walking to the seat. You gasp. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile at you or anyone else. Actually, you know he hasn’t smiled at anyone, he was know for being so stoic. You watch intensely as he pulls out the chair and sits. He looks like a different man, his hair is long, down past his shoulders, the black shirt he's wearing stretches around a huge chest. He looks like he spends half his day in the gym. And those eyes—those eyes that always had heavy eyebags and glared at everyone that looked his way, look at you with gentle look you can’t place. They even crease with the smile that he’s wearing. Your eyes widen, he has a fucking dimple. He looks like a gentleman, he looks handsome. You can't stop staring at his smile. 

“Y/n? You alright?” You Stepdad breaks through the haze you were in. You look at your parents and back to Suguru who all have concerned expressions on their faces.  You feel your entire body heat in embarrassment.  

‘Uhm—yea I'm fine.” You look at your parents, refusing to look back at that smile.  Suguru has different plans. 

“Hey y/n, it’s been a long time yeah?” Suguru says in that deep voice that has your heart beating faster.  Out the corner of your eye you watch as Suguru reaches over the food, holding his hand out. Does he really think you’re about to give him a damn handshake?  

...Are you seriously thinking about shaking that huge hand? No, you won’t. 

You purse your lips and cross your arms over your chest. You swear you see him glance down at your cleavage but the next second, he's holding eye contact. You blink and look away with a ‘hmm’. He lowers his hand.  

“Alright guys let's eat, okay?” You mom breaks the tension. Everyone grabs their share, and you eat in silence for a while, nobody brave enough to speak and you simmering with anger at Suguru. You throw glare at him every time you look up from your plate which happens more times than you’d admit.  

“You got something there.” Suguru points the sharp end of the fork at you. 

“What?” You ask. 

“There,” He grabs his napkin and starts to reach for you. You tense suddenly locked in place. Suguru brings the napkin to the corner of your mouth and wipes it. “There you go.” 

You stare at him like he's grown three heads. Maybe he’s dying and wants to make amends? Why else would he be treating you like this. Maybe someone took over his body? That has to be it. 

“Uh thanks?” You mummer, unsure what to say. 

“You're welcome little sis.” You choke on your spit. What the hell did he just call you!? He must be messing with you; you’re suddenly filled with rage. You glare at him, hoping he disintegrates with the sheer force of your stare. 

“You’ve grown up.” Suguru says after another blinking contest, you lost. 

“Yea, have you?” You snarl. He stops smiling. 

“I have,” he says seriously, setting his fork down. “I want to talk about—” 

“I don’t care.” 

“Please—” 

“No!” You slam your hand on the table, and he goes silent. You’re overcome with guilt before you remember that he bullied you for a year, that he told the entire school to bully you after he graduated. Fuck him. 

— 

You slam the door the door of your room speed walking to the bathroom. You strip your clothes before turning on the tub. You finally breathe when you settle into the scolding hot water. You needed to wash his gaze, his touch, off your body. The entire dinner after your conversation was awkward, your parents didn't really speak, and you refused to glance back up at Suguru who wouldn't stop staring.  

You hated him. You hated him. You—you can’t bring yourself to hate him. For some unknown reason you can’t bring yourself to hate him despite everything he's put you through. Why? You shake your head. You don’t want to think of Suguru while you're trying to relax. You phone dings. You pick up and a smile replaces your frown. @Sssman72. 

‘How are you babydoll, you alive?’ 

‘Yes, wish I wasn’t though.’ 

‘Why what happened during dinner?’ You sigh and send him voice message detailing everything that happened. 

‘Oh wow.’ 

‘I know.’ 

‘You gonna give him a chance to explain?’ 

‘I don’t know I don’t want to but also, I want to hear his explanation...can we call I really don't want to type all of this out?’  

‘Course, give me a second. I'll call you.’ You wait a few minutes before you hear the familiar ring. 

“Hi handsome.” you smile at the blank profile. Right now, you’d do anything to see him, to hear him comfort you, to be in his arms. He could be the ugliest man in the world, you wouldn’t care. 

‘HI beautiful. Talk to me.’ He types into the chat box. 

“I don't know. like I said I want to hear him out but also, I don't want to hear it because what it it’s bad, what if it doesn’t excuse it? But also, what if it does and I feel like shit for being mean back—it's just so stressful.” 

‘I know babydoll. I wish I could be there right now and hold you. I would do anything to take that hurt away. I'm sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.’ 

“Stop, don’t apologize you didn’t do anything. If anything, I should apologize for using you as a therapist when you paid to see me naked.” You laugh. 

‘Beautiful girl—I would rather pay to hear all your problems and be able to comfort you than see you naked again.’ 

“Wow you don’t want to see me naked, I'm hurt. Just kidding, thank you for saying that handsome.” You feel your heart skip a beat at his message. Maybe you can convince him to turn his camera on tonight. 

“I kinda wanna take my mind off everything right now.” You murmur into the phone before turning on your camera. You hold it above you and smile so he can see everything.  

‘So, fucking beautiful, prettiest girl in the world. You gonna give me a show?’ 

“hm,” You use your free hand to tap your chin. “Only if you do something for me.” 

‘And what is that?’ 

‘Can you turn your camera on? And before you say no, you don’ have to show your face—maybe you can just show your dick or something else. We can masturbate on the phone, please handsome please.” You whine giving him your best puppy face. You watch as the chat bubbles disappear and reappear. You’re about to back out but all the sudden you’re looking at a dim lit room and a huge cock between a big hand. Your eyes widen and the sight. 

"Y-you probably won’t be able to type and jack off at the same time” You suck in a breath. Please turn your audio on please... 

‘I’m gonna turn my audio on but I won’t talk, okay? Think you can get off on my moans babydoll?’  

You nod. 

‘Good girl now show me that pretty pussy, make it squirt for me.’ 

You lift yourself up to sit on the corner of the tub, propping one leg on tub and spreading the other that rests in the water. You flip the camera so your mystery man can watch you finger yourself. You hear him groan and spit onto his hand. 

You moan softly at the sound, teasing your entrance. You wish he was talking to through it, but you’ll settle for this for now. One day... 

“Mmm, wish you were the one fingering me right now,” You circle your clit before gliding your fingers out your cunt. 

“Wish you were here, holding me n' fucking me.” You curl your fingers into your g-spot and moan. You look back at your phone, watching your stranger play with the tip of his long cock. It looks so big compared to his hand, you know you’ll struggle to take it. Your pussy clenches around your small fingers that do close to nothing compared to your dildos at home.  

“Wan’ your cock in me so bad, it looks so big you’ll have to force me to take it, you’ll have to hold me down and make me take it.” You cry out. You watch as he squeezes his hand up and down his cock. It looks painful. He grunts louder. 

“M’gonna cum for you handsome, m’gonna give you what you want and make a mess,” You speed up your fingers to match how fast he slides his fist up and his cock. You moan louder, thankful that you got the suite and aren’t in the room next to your stepbrothers, how embarrassing it would be if he could hear you pleasuring yourself.  

You clench harder around your fingers. Your stranger starts to grunt and groan louder. You shiver at his deep voice on the edge of cumming. 

“Please please let me cum please! Can I come for you please?” You cry, your pussy starts to squelch, spurts of liquid coming out. 

“Yes, cum for me.” Your mystery man groans in an all too familiar voice but before you have time to think about it, you’re squirting, the grip on your phone loosening and falling into the water. 

“N-no!” 

— 

“Yes, this phone is done for, your mother and I are heading into town we can try to find a company that sells phone, but you know how small towns like this are.” You stepdad stares at your phone that’s been sitting in a container full of rice since last night.  

“Fuck, I need it for work! What am I going to do?” You look up at him in distress. 

“What do you need your phone for bartending?” He looks down at you incredulously. 

“My boss is sending me some important email and I didn't bring my computer.” You lie. 

“Well, you can use Suguru’s laptop, I saw him using it this morning in the sitting room. Think he left it there before he went on his run.” Your stepdad points down the hall as your mother rounds the corner.  

“Ready to go honey?” She asks your stepdad. 

“Coming! Use Suguru laptop to check your email, if we come back and you haven’t got the email you can use my phone. Bye! Have fun and be nice!” Your stepdad waves before following your mother. You wave back. 

 Of course, you had to use Suguru’s laptop. Maybe you can just log in, tell your stranger that you’re okay and that you won’t be able to contact him until you get a new phone and then delete the history before Suguru comes back from his run. It’ll only take a few minutes...you hope he doesn’t a password.  

You run to the sitting room, but you don’t see a laptop anywhere. Dammit, he always has to make things hard for you. You walk up the round staircase and down the hall until you're standing in front of Suguru’s room. You look around, as if Suguru's gonna pop up out of nowhere and attack you from going into his room. You shake the thought off and open his door. You stop and stare at the bed, you feel like you've seen that duvet. You chalk it up to a bunch of man having the same bedding before turning to scan the room for a laptop. You quickly spot the laptop on his desk and run to it. You sigh in relief when it opens to the last tab he had opened. Thank you Suguru for not caring about who gets into your shit. You click new tab and start to type in the name of the website you use before you freeze.  

You only need to type in three letters before the website popped up in top hits. You stop breathing. No... He couldn’t know what you do. Is that why he came here? Was he going to expose you to your parents? Was he acting nice to butter you up before crushing you? Your vision starts to blur. All boys watch porn, maybe he just happens to watch porn on the same website you film on. You can block your account from him so that he never finds you. You swallow before clicking the tab. You shakily move they pointer over to the search bar before you spot something in the left corner that makes you dizzy.  

Right where the username of the viewer is supposed to be is the username @Sssman72. Your heart stops and you feel wetness hit your hands. This can’t be real. You move to chat and cry out when you see your username. The last text he sent was asking what happened. No—this is a dream; you’re going to wake up and this is going to be a bad nightmare. You refuse to believe the man you’ve been slowly falling in love with over the last six months is your stepbrother, your bully. The man you confessed all your darkest secrets is the man who never showed you an ounce of kindness. Is this a part of his master plan? Is he going to blackmail you and hold all the nudes you’ve sent him and all the secrets you’ve told him over your head. You’re going to become his slave, doing whatever he wants of you until you die. You curl into yourself and cry harder at the thought.  

“Y/n? What are you do—” Suguru stops when he sees what's on the screen. “Let me explain please baby.” He reaches out to touch your shoulder. You flinch away from his touch.  

“D-don’t call me that,” You sob staring at him with such heartbreak in your eyes he wants to drop and beg for your forgiveness. “You-you, it was you the whole time.” Your voice breaks. 

Suguru nods slowly trying to reach out for you again. You take a few steps away. “Was this some masterplan to hold me under your thumb for the rest of my life!?” You scream at him. 

He’s grateful your parents went out of town; this would be an absolute shitshow if they were here.  

“No babydoll—” 

“I said don’t call me that you asshole! Stop pretending. I hate you Suguru! You win okay, you win!” You tell him before you run out of his room. He curses before running after you, you run up that stairs and into the suite but before you can shut the door Suguru shoves it open. You drop to your knees to pull your suitcase from under your bed. 

“Please listen to me y/n. I wasn’t faking—stop packing and let me explain.” Suguru pleads as he watches you throw your clothes into your suitcase. 

“Y/n, baby, please listen to me please” He grabs your arm, and you try to fight him, but he pulls you down onto the bed with him. He hugs you around the waist and you push in this chest trying to break free. His heart aches. He hates seeing you hurt, he hates that he was the one who made you cry like this. He hates that you only associate him with the version of himself that he created to stop anyone from seeing what he was truly feeling. He hates that you won’t accept the real version of him now that you know it was him. He holds you tighter as you scream and cry. He whispers sweet nothings as you whisper how much you hate him. At some point you stop fighting and wrapping your arms around his neck. You sniffle into his neck, and he rubs your backs and rocks you.  

“Why?” You ask hoarsely after all the anger leaves your body. Now you feel numb, like you're watching your life from a third perspective.   

“I never hated you, I never lied, and I never planned to blackmail you—I know you don’t believe me baby but everything I've ever told you on that app was real. Everything I feel for you is real.”   You pull your face out of his neck and stare up at him. You don’t believe him. 

“I have never hated you y/n. I swear it. I hated the fact that my father replaced my mother with yours not even a year after she died. Baby, I never fucking hated you. I was just a teenager who didn’t know how to express my emotions so I took them out of the person I knew I could hurt the most. It was bad I know; I feel like shit to this day. When I graduated and got away from my father, I realized how bad I was to you, and I got into therapy. I wanted to be better for myself, for you, for everyone around me. I didn’t know that the bullying continued when I left. I didn’t know how bad people had taken it until that day I came back home. When you told me off about it, I was so confused. I’m so fucking sorry. I want to reach out and apologize for everything and the day I planned to do it Satoru—my best friend, you remember him—well he sent me the link to your account and so I made an account and it all just spiralized out of control after that. I was too embarrassed to tell you it was me and then we started to form a connection, a real connection, and I didn’t want our conversations to end so—fuck I'm sorry. Everything I told you; I meant it. I fucking meant every word.”  

You sit there stunned, trying to comprehend everything he said. You never knew about his mother. You thought she had passed away long before your mom and his dad had met. But you remember when your stranger told you that. God, you remember when your not so mystery man told you about his family the seemed so familiar to yours. And he didn’t tell all those people to bully you after he left? Did he mean every word? Every word of affirmation he gave you. Those times when he told you that you were capable of being loved and that you were going to find someone who would love every part of you, the good and bad. Was that the same Suguru? You try to wrap your mind around the fact that the man you love is your stepbrother. 

“I know it’s a lot of information.” 

“It is.” 

“Do you believe me?” He looks at you with furrowed brows. You do. Despite everything you find yourself nodding. He sighs and you feel the tension release from his shoulders that your arms are wrapped around. You suddenly realize the position you two are in and feel your face heat. Your arms are wrapped around his neck and your legs are on either side of his thick thighs his cock, the cock that you saw last night, is right underneath you, if you lower yourself an inch, you’d be sitting on it.  

Suguru grips your waist with one hand, the other cupping the right side of your face. You look up at him and sniffle. He leans down until your foreheads are touching.  

“If you give me achance, I'll treat you like the queen you are. I’ll love you the way you’re meant to be loved. One chance is all I ask for.” He mummers rubbing your noses together.  

You hesitate, one part of you wants to run away with him because he’s the man you’ve wanted for the last six months. The other part of you wants to run away from him, he’s your stepbrother, he lied, and you don't know if he would’ve ever told you the truth. But isn’t that what he came here to do? Can you blame a little boy for being mad at the people who replaced his mother?  

You give him his answer by grabbind his neck and push his lips towards you. If this does go to hell at least you’ll have a story to tell your feature children.  

Suguru kisses back before standing and pulling you off him. “What—” 

“You said you wanted me on my knees, didn't you? I’m ready to serve you in any way you want. I can have my savings transferred to your account by tomorrow night.” He says as he drops to his knees. You stare at him with wide eyes as he holds your legs and starts kissing from knee to right where your pussy starts.  

“Suguru—” 

“Shh babydoll let me take care of my girl, show her how sorry I am for hurting her.” He mummers before dropping your leg and picking up the next one. He repeats this a few more times before finally asking you to lift your hips so he can pull your leggings and panties off. Suguru throws your pants behind him before standing up to pull your tank top off. You reach behind to unbuckle your bra and toss it on the floor with your other clothes. Suguru chuckles, reaching up to kiss all over your face. 

“Take your clothes off too Sugu.” You giggle, reaching for his sweatpants. You get a firm grip and yank them down. His thick cock bounces out. Your mouth goes slack. The phone call didn’t do it justice. It somehow looks bigger than before and if you weren’t wet before, you are now. That thing is going to be inside you soon.  

“Like what you see beautiful?” You nod dumbly as you watch Suguru step out of his pants and take his shirt off with one hand. He’s so fucking sexy.  

He drops back down to his knees and pulls you until your ass is hanging off the bed. “Lay down and let me please you.”  You comply and watch as Suguru lifts your legs up and buries his face in your cunt. Your hands fly down to his long shiny hair. 

“Suguru!” You moan as he licks you from asshole to clit. He sucks on your clit before biting both lips. Your pussy clenches. “Feels s’good Sugu!” You grind down on his talented tongue. Suguru hums into your clit before setting one of you thighs in his shoulder and bringing his fingers to your entrance. He teases you, only pushing his fingers into the joint before taking them out. You cry out in frustration before pulling on his long hair when he finally slides two big fingers into you. 

Yours definitely don't compare to his long thick ones. Your back arches off the bed as Suguru fingers jackhammer into you all the while his mouth sucks on your clit.  

“S’good Sugu! Don’t stop!” You scream letting go of hair with one hand to cover your loud mouth.  

“Don’t hide those sweet moans from me babydoll. If you want my cock, you’ll let me hear you scream my name as you cum on my fingers and mouth.” 

You bring you hand back to hair and grind hard as you get closer and closer to orgasm.  

“Gonna cum! M’gonna come!” You cry, as you release all over Suguru's face. He moans and sucks even harder before adding another finger. You cry at the sudden intrusion. It doesn't take long before you’re coming all over again, this time liquid shooting out of you and onto Sugu’s chest.  

“Yes baby, that's it—what a good girl,” He praises as he slurps up all your juices. “Such a fucking good gril f’me.” 

“Gimme a kiss.” You say between heavy breaths.  

“Does the pretty girl want kiss?” You nod, pulling Suguru down with you by the shoulders. 

“Want you to kiss me while you fuck me for the first time. Want it to be special,” You confess shyly. Suguru leans down and pecks you on the forehead, then the nose, and then both of your cheeks. 

“Don’ tease meanie!” You laugh when he kisses the corner of your lips. 

“M’sorry baby, can you forgive me?” He pouts.  

“Hmm—I’ll forgive you only if you kiss me right no—” You don’t even finish your sentence before Suguru shoves his tongue down your throat. You kiss him back and your tongues fight for dominance. Suguru wins and smiles into the kiss. You can’t believe this is happening. Your bully, your stepbrother, your mystery man is kissing you right now. Your about to make love with said man. 

“You okay babydoll?”  

“Mhm, just can’t believe this is all happening.” 

“Me too beautiful, you sure you want to do this right now? We can always wait.” 

“No, I want to. I want you.” You raise your hand to tuck his hair behind his ear. He smiles, showing you that adorable dimple. You kiss it.  

Suguru kisses your lips once more before he grabs his cock, rubbing it up and down your cunt. 

“Fuck—I don’t have a condom.” 

“I’m on the pill—please Sugu.” You beg, frustrated from all this foreplay. You’ve been on edge since last tight in the tub.  

“Alight beautiful,” He pushes the head of his cock into you. “Fuck me—you feel so good. Always knew you would.” You feel his fist guide his long cock into you. You moan. He fits you perfectly.  

“Sugu—feel’s s’good, want more!” You cry, fisting the blanket’s underneath you.  

“Does my baby want more—does she want to orgasm on my cock?” You nod watching Suguru lift your legs to his shoulder. He leans down, bringing your feet to the side of your head. You whine at the stretch. 

Suguru groans as he pulls his cock in and out of you.  

“S’too much!” You moan into his shoulder. He just laughs and picks up his pace. The fancy headboard above the bed starts to slam against the wall. You watch with blurry eyes as the stock photos hung on the wall shake.  

“Said you wanted more baby, ‘m giving you more.”  he says before biting into your neck. Hard. You scream, back arching at the pain. Your hands fist the sheets even tighter, knuckles turning white. Suguru unlatches his jaw. Lifting his head to admire his mark. Now all your customers will know you belong to someone. To him. He kisses the mark. 

“Sugu, It’s too much. Hurts! m’gonna cum!” You cry, tears soaking the blanket breath you. 

“Oh, don't cry baby—shhh—you’re so beautiful y/n. So damn pretty.” He whispers, coaxing you to orgasm. Your eyes roll to the back of your head. You stop breathing for a second as your pussy contracts around Suguru's cock. Suguru follows in suit, spurting his cum deep inside your pussy. 

“Fuck,” he draws out, collapsing onto you.  

“T-that was—” 

“The best sex ‘ve ever had.” 

“Same.” You smile before wincing. 

“What’s wrong babydoll.”  

“You're about to break my damn hip if you keep my legs up any longer,” Suguru lefts himself enough to bring your legs to his sides. “And you probably ripped a chunk of my neck off with that little trick of yours.” You grumble. 

“It’s not bad, promise.” He kisses the bite mark softly. 

“And all the pictures fell of the wall.”  

“I’ll put ‘em back up baby,” He laughs into your ear. “Just let me hold you for a second.”  He kisses your cheek before snuggling deeper into you. You throw your arms around his shoulder while you both try to wrap your head around everything that happened.  

[maplesyrupsainz]

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙private, not a secret | MV1˖⁺｡˚⋆˙

pairing: max verstappen x wife!reader y/n (she/her)

genre: social media au, established/secret relationship

warnings: very fluffy :))

summary: in which you and your husband like to keep things on the low so much so that none of his fans know about the family you have together

a/n: i luv this req tbh i lowkey luv writing kids in it's sooo cute im lowkey broody af atm too 😭 helllll

request!!!: Hi!! Could I request an smau with max where he has a secret family or something idk I just think it could be really cute !

fc: various blonde girls from pinterest

my masterlist

twitter ->

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yourusername my beautiful life

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maxverstappen1 my girls

yourusername 💓

carlossainz55 god i look so cool

yourusername hahahhh yeaaa

carlossainz55 ???

yourusername nothing mate😄

yourbff aww i need to come see you guys

yourusername yes please omg 😧 alice said she misses her fav aunt !

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messages ->

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maxverstappen1

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maxverstappen1 beach day

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user7 omg hi y/n

user8 YES A Y/N FEATURE

user9 omg he let her out of the basement

user10 💀

danielricciardo go off

maxverstappen1 yessss!!! whatever that means

user11 lol

charles_leclerc tell y/n we want her at the next race please

maxverstappen1 she will come if the babysitter is free 👍

*comment deleted by maxverstappen1*

maxverstappen1 she said she'll think about it 🧠

user12 WHAT

user13 Urmmmmmmm did you guys see the deleted comment

user14 do max & y/n have children?

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yourusername let's ignore max's deleted comment slip up shall we

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charles_leclerc i am sorry on his behalf y/n 🙏

yourusername hahah dont worry about it charlie

oscarpiastri get him on a time out asap

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yourbff aww the world deserves to know about little alice

yourusername they will soon we're keeping her childhood safe for now

maxverstappen1 you already know she's gonna come watch her dad race soon 😎

yourbff im sure she'll find that very fun max

yourusername hahah that's what i said

maxverstappen1 😒

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interview ->

transcript (sorry if it's hard to read😭) ->

there is always going to be rumours ahout my relationship considering we keep things to ourselves, neither of us find it necessary to comment on them very often. *laughs* i've never heard anyone say i'm hiding y/n, no. we have always been private but never ever a secret and that's how it will remain for the most part

twitter ->

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maxverstappen1 a small insight into our (family) life

tagged: yourusername

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user21 NOOOO WAYYYYY

user22 this is so so so so precious

user23 omg i feel so honoured that this is being shared with us even tho it's only a small piece of their lives 🫶

user24 max being a girl dad JUST MAKES SENSE

liked by yourusername

yourusername i love you!!

maxverstappen1 i love you more ❤️

user25 this is so special

charles_leclerc love you guys

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername

danielricciardo congratulations again bro you have a such a beautiful family

maxverstappen1 thank you daniel 😄

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yourusername this account will never go public gang dont worry!! especially because im pregnant again 🤫

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oscarpiastri omg congratulations y/n

maxverstappen1 and me?

oscarpiastri oh right yea sorry max forgot, congratulations mate

danielricciardo congratulations guys 🫶

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1

charles_leclerc so so happy for you guys

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

yourbff 🤰 ur glowing

yourusername i heart you

maxverstappen1 you are so beautiful

yourusername stop it you im blushing

maxverstappen1 i love making you blush

yourusername i love you

maxverstappen1 i love you my girl 💗

only accounts that follow yourusername may see this post

THE END ❤️

[sea-lanterns]

THE PURGE

synopsis: (slasher! AU) a group of purgers break into your home.

featuring: arlecchino, columbina, sandrone, signora

rating: 18+ smut (men and minors dni)

warnings: sub! afab fem reader, dom characters, mentions of blood, vague descriptions of murder, there is a body, mentions of weapons, home invasion, masked se.x, five.some, org.y, transfem! columbina (she has a di.ck), strap ons, oral (both reader and character receiving), face sitting, fing.ering, slight exhibitio.n, may be ooc, not proofread.

art credits: high rise invasion.

Unloading the last of your groceries from the car, you closed the trunk and began walking towards the front entrance of your house. It was a somewhat chilly, somewhat warm day, March 21st to be exact. While the weather was probably enjoyable to those outside of your country, today was going to be a day of misery to many. From March 21st to March 22nd, The Purge will take place; a twelve hour period in which all crime including murder was going to be legal. 

You weren’t exactly sure why your government decided to mandate such a brutal “holiday” but unfortunately as someone who didn’t participate in the Purge, this made your life a lot harder than usual. You had to take extra precaution throughout the year to not make any enemies in your life, even going as far as to shut yourself off from having any friends or close family. 

‘Just twelve hours…I’ve done it several times before, I can do it again.’ You told yourself, unlocking the door to your house. ‘I’ll have to set up the security system again. Only three hours until the Purge.’ 

“Hey neighbor!” You heard a familiar voice call, causing you to look over at your neighbor who was perched against his fence. “Three hours until the Purge, huh?” 

“Ahaha…yeah.” You were getting nervous. It was never a good idea to bring up the Purge with anyone. 

“Hope you’re prepared. Lots of psychos out there who have access to the most dangerous weapons available. I even saw a woman with a chainsaw last year. Had a leather mask and everything.”

“Yeah…” you smiled, but honestly you just really wanted to get in your house.Your neighbor –although seemingly friendly– always gave you the creeps and you tried your best to be on his good side no matter what. 

“Well…Hope for the best for you during this Purge!” He smiled unnervingly wide, making you shiver and fumble to open your door. “Yep! You too!” You called out quickly, shutting the door behind you as quickly as possible. You locked the door immediately and carried your groceries to the kitchen, where you proceeded to double check every exit of the house.

You went through the yearly ritual. Double checking the doors and barricading them with heavy furniture, locking every single window and drawing the blinds (you would activate the security systems later), as well as making your way down to the basement to make sure all your weaponry was secured. 

…And by weaponry, you really only meant the small handgun you kept in a safe down there. You weren’t a super strong person by any means, so a handgun was probably your best suited weapon when it came to defending yourself. However, the handgun was only used as a last resort, so luckily you’ve never had to use it before on any of the previous Purges. Hopefully this year you won’t have to use it still.

You grabbed the handgun and made sure it was loaded before making your way upstairs. Due to being a member of the upper class, you had managed to reinforce your home with a special security system used for keeping your home safe during the Purge. Though it was only three hours before the Purge started, you weren’t taking any chances and activated it now. 

You watched as every door and window in your house became protected beneath a large metal shutter, turning on your security cameras so you could watch whatever was happening outside from the safety of your home. You nestled into the cozy chair of your desk and mentally prepared yourself for another twelve hours of manslaughter you would have to endure. 

You watched from your phone as the infamous warning for the Purge began to play. The alarm never failed to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up on end, the long list of rules flying over your screen as you peeked through your security cameras. So far, the only things you could see were a bunch of hooligans setting fire to a trashcan in some random alleyway. Okay, not bad. You expected a few arsonists in your neighborhood anyway…

You grabbed a bag of chips from your snack stash and opened it, continuing to watch as you stuffed your face with food like you were binging your favorite TV show. Though the Purge was a very scary time, it never directly harmed you through all the years you survived…

At least, you thought. 

For the next two hours, you simply watched in the comfort of your own bedroom while people in your neighborhood were being slaughtered left and right. You winced when you watched a poor victim get a machete to the face by some woman in a hockey mask. Oof…that’s unfortunate. You heard another scream from afar as another victim got stabbed repeatedly with a kitchen knife by a woman wearing a ghost mask. Hm…why did they look familiar? You wonder if you’ve seen them before… 

You took a sip from your drink and laid back, before nearly jumping out of your skin upon spotting a group of Purgers on your porch. Despite being masked, you could tell from their figures that they appeared to be women, with four of them in total all staring at you through the security camera. 

‘Oh…shit.’ You felt your heart sink as you waited for them to say something, anything. You hadn’t expected any Purgers to actually bother you tonight, as the most that Purgers would do is knock over your trash cans and maybe graffiti your garage door. 

One of the Purgers —a woman wearing a dove-themed mask— stepped forward and smiled at the camera. She raised a delicate hand, before ringing the doorbell and speaking into the camera. 

“Hellooooo~ Is this (Reader)’s residence?” She sang beautifully, toying with the ends of her hair. You tried to figure out her appearance to see if she was familiar to anyone you knew or talked to, but you don’t recall ever meeting a woman with black hair and bright pink streaks. 

You stayed quiet, hoping that they would just assume you couldn’t hear them and move on. This however, didn’t work as the group of women were persistent.

“Hellooooo~ I know the cutie is in there…” The dove-masked women cooed, ringing your doorbell again before one of the other Purgers got impatient. A taller, blonde woman wearing a moth-themed mask grumbled and raised her weapon, “It’s no use. Let’s just find a weak spot and break in.” 

“Nooo! That’s so barbaric, we must treat a woman gently.” 

“We are quite literally, purging her home.” Another woman chimed in, this time a short woman with beige-colored hair wearing a doll mask. 

“Yes, but I would like her to respond before we break in.” The dove-mask pouts. 

“Enough.” Finally, the fourth woman spoke up, her posture and height intimidating as she stepped to the front. This time it was a woman wearing a harlequin mask, her gaze piercing through the camera. “We know you are listening, (Reader). It isn’t polite to keep your guests waiting.” 

She smirked at the camera, as if edging you to press the call button and respond. You felt as if your blood was being drained from your body, a morbid feeling of death looming over you like a cloud. You had no choice, if you didn’t respond they would just try and break in anyway, so perhaps it would be wise to try and convince them not to? 

You did not think that was plausible, but Purgers were still human. Maybe they will be human just for you… 

“C-Can I help you?” Fuckkkkk you did not mean to sound like a timid fast food worker working at the Drive Thru. You mentally cursed yourself as you watched the other four women smile at your compliance.

“There’s her cute voice!” The dove-mask exclaimed excitedly. “I was worried some other Purgers may have gotten to you already…” 

“Can I help you?” You stated again firmly, wanting them to leave as soon as possible. “If you’re looking to rob my house, I’m afraid I don’t have anything of value.” 

“Oh…sweetheart,” the harlequin-mask chuckled, sliding her hand across the handle of her bloody ax. “You’re in there.” 

Oh great. Yeah why bother spending the Purge robbing stuff that is actually useful to you, when you can murder people instead. Genius. 

“…Okay, I know what you are implying, but I beg of you not to kill me! I promise that after the Purge is over I will compensate for you all somehow. Whether it’d be money or anything else you’d like, I’ll do it!”

“Open those ears of yours, girl. We want you, not your house.” The moth-mask tsked, a bit of annoyance present on the edge of her voice. “We are coming in whether you like it or not. As long as you are inside, we will get in too.” 

“…No need to be so mean, Signora.” You heard the dove-mask huff, folding her arms. “Just hold tight, baby. We’re coming to find you~”

You let out a small, panicked squeak of terror and cut the mic, standing up from your seat and making your way to your drawer to check on the handgun you had stashed away. You couldn’t believe that this was the year you would have to use it, and your adrenaline was pulsing like crazy. 

‘All loaded’ you mentally prepared yourself for the worst, taking deep breaths and walking back to your computer monitors that displayed the cameras. You let out another panicked squeak when you saw that the Purgers had left your front porch, now scattered around your property doing god knows what. 

“Why this year of all years?” You whined, keeping your handgun close to you as you kept looking through the monitors. Okay, okay, they were just circling your house, no biggie. Their weapons appeared to be of class 1 only, so it would be next to impossible for them to break down your security systems. 

Really, though you were on edge, you should be relatively safe so long as the power doesn’t—

Almost as if your fate was being toyed at the hands of a God, your lights suddenly went out and the sound of your metal shutters started coming up. Oh…you were fucked now.

‘…I am dead.’ You wanted to scream, but knew better as it was time for survival. It was every woman for herself, no beating around the bush. Logistically you weren’t sure if you could take out four Purgers on your own, but if you were going to die tonight you were going to die fighting ugly. 

You heard one of your windows shatter and flinched when you heard footsteps now roaming the downstairs of your house. Okay, you got this. You technically have an advantage as you have a firearm and they don’t know where you are, you should play this safe. 

You held your breath and stealthily made your way downstairs, holding the gun. You saw the broken window in your living room, swallowing thickly before looking around to see if there was anyone around. Your eyes suddenly landed on a bloody trail that looked as if a body had been dragged through your house. Did they just kill someone? 

You suddenly heard a thud behind you and whirled around quickly, only to accidentally let out a gasp when you saw the dead body of your neighbor just lying there on your kitchen floor. You managed to hold in a scream, but it was no use when you felt strong arms hold you from behind, a yell escaping your throat as you felt one of the Purgers’ grip on you.

“Mm…not a screamer…quite the silent one, aren’t you?” You heard a rough, raspy voice as the woman behind you grabbed your gun and tore it away with ease. Just how strong was she?! Your breath hitched when you felt the sharp end of a knife press against your throat, her voice humming with pleasure. “I like quiet girls.”

From your peripheral vision you saw that it was the Purger with the harlequin mask, her hair mostly white with a few streaks of black, yet another person you were not familiar with. Footsteps then entered the kitchen from the thick fog of darkness, a giggle leaving another one of the Purgers. 

“You caught her! Heh, I guess you won this one, Arle~!” It was the Purger with the dove-mask, her cute and feminine voice not matching her appearance at all as her white dress was covered in blood. “I want to pet her!” 

“Wash your hands, Columbina.” Another voice came, this time it was the doll-masked Purger who came walking out of the darkness. “I don’t want you getting blood all over her. She’ll stink.” 

“A little blood won’t hurt her, Sandrone.” 

You whimpered when the woman named “Columbina” walked closer to you, her sadistic smile present as she ran her fingers across your cheek. You would flinch away if not for the harlequin mask —you believe she was called Arle?— holding you in place, her muscles tightening around you and preventing you from squirming. 

“Ah…how cute!” Columbina cooed. “I almost feel bad for scaring her, she looks like she’s about to cry.”

“She looks prettier that way.” Came a deeper, more mature voice, as the moth-masked woman —Signora, if you remembered correctly— came into view. You gulped when Signora strutted over to you and took your chin in her hand, admiring you from behind her mask and turning your face to look at all your angles. “Loosen your grip a bit, Arlecchino. The girl looks like she’s about to pass out from blood circulation.” 

Arlecchino let out a titular hum. “And why would I do that? If I let her go, she can run off.” 

“Not with us here. We all can catch her quite easily.” Sandrone said matter-of-factly. 

“I suppose that wouldn’t hurt.” Arlecchino leaned down and whispered gravely into your ear. “I don’t recommend running, little one. All four of us can hunt you down quite easily, and if you ran out into the open during the Purge, well…”

She chuckled and playfully blew on your ear. “Someone else might get to you before us.” 

Your body involuntarily shivered and you felt the back of your ear grow hot. Upon seeing how much of an impact she had on you, Arlecchino smirked and carefully let go of you. 

You should run. In fact, you weren’t sure why you were staying in place surrounded by these murderous women. Every instinct and sense of logic in your brain was telling you to make a run for it, but another part of you knew that it was fruitless to even make it out of your house. 

“You know, you should be thanking us.” Signora said coldly. “Without us here, you probably would’ve been murdered by that neighbor of yours.” 

“Wh-What?”

“Oh! She speaks…” Columbina giggled. “Believe it or not, we found him messing around with some circuit box in your yard. Looks like he was the one who knocked out the power to kill you himself.”

Your eyes landed on the body of your neighbor laying on the floor. His eyes still wide open like he was stuck in time, lips parted like was in the middle of screaming before meeting his bloody demise. “Of course…we took care of him for you! Wouldn’t want our pretty girl to get hurt.”

Columbina smiled and kicked his body away like it was nothing, looking up at you like they had just done a great thing. You kept looking between the Purgers and the dead body of your neighbor, unable to cope with the fact that this would be the first Purge where you might end up like another body bag. 

“…Is this where I get killed now?” You laughed weakly, cold sweat dripping down your face. “I…I’m not sure what else to do at this point, get on my knees and beg for my life?”

“Ooh. I like the kneeling and begging part.” Sandrone comments bluntly. Meanwhile, the other women chuckle at your pathetic display, with Arlecchino pulling you towards her and murmuring in your ear. 

“Oh, we aren’t interested in hurting you. At least not that much.” She suddenly slid her hands up your stomach and towards your breasts, a gasp leaving your lips when she fondled them through your shirt. ”…Soft.” 

“Easy now, Arlecchino. She hasn’t accepted yet.” Signora hums, gently pulling Arle’s eager hands away from your chest. Arlecchino slips out a small growl of dissatisfaction, but pulls away anyway to comply with Signora’s requests. Despite how refined Arlecchino seemed to be, you could tell she was a woman of a lot of restraint, and she had been itching to feel you up despite her calm demeanor. 

“If it wasn’t obvious by Arlecchino’s…desires,” Signora comments, stroking your face, “We want your body, but not in the way that you think.” 

“You’re just so pretty…especially when your bottom lip wobbles in fear,” Columbina whispers. “How could we not want you this way?”

Oh…oh.

Now you know why they haven’t killed you yet. 

“Look at her face, all dumb and bewildered.” Sandrone comments, the faintest of grins appearing on her face as she took in your confused expression. 

“What do you say, let us have some fun with you?” Arlecchino purrs from behind, making you shiver in anticipation and a little bit of curiosity. 

“…I suppose.” You said softly, a little hesitant to agree. 

“Oh my, what a promiscuous thing she is,” Signora comments, a sly smile making its way to her lips. “Wanting to take all four of us at the same time, what a whore.” 

“Easy now, Signora. She can’t help how curious she is.” Columbina smiles, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to your palm. “Arle~ Be a dear and carry the poor lamb upstairs. The dead guy is killing the mood.”

“Of course.” Arlecchino grinned wolfishly and took you in her arms, throwing you over her shoulder like it was nothing while going up the stairs. You could only watch helplessly as the three other women followed after you, smiling at how utterly pathetic you looked while being carried by Arlecchino with one arm. 

…You weren’t sure how you got up to this point. One moment you were almost pissing your pants in fear, and the next you were suddenly thrown into your bed and surrounded by four Purgers. All of them stared down at you with a look of pure joy in their eyes, practically ravishing you on the bed with just their gaze alone. 

Surprisingly, it was Sandrone that made the first move. For as quiet as she was, the woman crawled on top of you and grabbed your face for herself, pulling you into a kiss. 

“Oh my! I didn’t expect Sandrone to be so eager…” Columbina giggled. Meanwhile, in the corner of your eye; you could see Arlecchino unzipping her pants and Signora taking off her gloves. 

You couldn’t watch them for long, however; as Sandrone forcefully pushed you back and shoved her tongue down your mouth, turning the kiss into a more seductive dance of tongues. The doll-masked woman moaned at the taste of you, pulling you in closer to her as she aggressively pushed her hands up your shirt. 

“Mm…what a sloppy kisser. I could tell you’ve never had another woman in your mouth before.” Sandrone pulls away, a string of saliva connecting your tongue with hers. “Don’t worry, we’ll fix that for you.” 

“Arle, no need to be so impatient. She’s still on the bed.” You heard Signora gently scold Arlecchino and looked over to see what she was doing. The harlequin woman was gritting her teeth and tugging her trousers off as fast as she could, the base of a harness and what looked to be a crimson-colored strap peeking through the gap of her zipper. 

Oh…they were prepared for this. 

“Hey. Don’t look at her, look at me.” Sandrone sounded annoyed and gripped your face to look at her again, pulling you in for a kiss. 

“Pfft. Sandrone is getting jealous.” You felt the bed space behind you dip, and in the midst of making out with Sandrone, you felt Columbina’s lithe and petite body encircle yours. “Let’s see how good you taste.” 

Columbina’s lips latched onto the back of your neck, sucking and nibbling on your skin hard enough to leave a few bruises. The choked whimpers you let out made the dove-mask and doll-mask moan with pleasure, Sandrone pulling you more against herself while Columbina grinded her hips from behind. 

As Sandrone’s hands fondled your breasts under your shirt, you felt something small yet hard growing under Columbina’s dress. It was clear the two women were getting heavily turned on, with how Sandrone was starting to tug off your shirt and Columbina grinding faster against you. 

“Let’s put that sloppy tongue to use.” Sandrone comments bluntly, lowering you down against the bed as she raises her dress to pull off her panties. Columbina takes her position between your legs, pulling your pants off and eagerly wanting to stuff her face in your cunt. “No teeth now. Try to be a good girl.” Sandrone slides her panties off and spreads her legs over your awaiting mouth, using her fingers to give you quite the show of her sweet pussy glistening with juices. The doll-masked woman didn’t wait for another second and took her place at her rightful seat, letting you taste the sweet tang of her cunt smothering your lips. 

Meanwhile, Columbina was eagerly pulling your own panties down with her hands, her tongue —which was freakishly long— swiped at her bottom lip the moment she saw your bare entrance. “Mm…Gotta make sure you’re wet enough to take Arle’s strap.” She whispered, parting your legs gently –though her nails were digging into your thighs– and licking a long stripe across your clit. 

“Nnnh–!” You moaned into Sandrone’s own clit, causing her to buck her hips needily. “Fuck…her tongue feels so good.” 

“I can only imagine,” Columbina coos, smothering her face deeper and darting her hot tongue out quickly. Her hands trailed down to her dress and began lightly jerking herself off while she ate you out, moaning into your thighs as she ravished your insides. You hadn’t expected to be double teamed so easily, but you didn’t mind, eating out Sandrone and tasting her folds more thoroughly while Columbina masturbated to the taste of you. 

“Are you– mmppgh…guys ready?” Sandrone moans out sweetly, riding your face harder as she looks back at Arlecchino and Signora. Both women had stripped out of their festive Purger outfits, with Arlecchino wearing nothing but a thick, girthy strapon and Signora dressed in the prettiest lingerie you had ever seen. “Oh come on Signora, that’s– fuck, overkill for the Purge, isn’t it?” 

“The girl likes it.” Signora tuts, casting you a smirk beneath her mask. “Is she wet enough, Columbina?” 

“Nope!” Columbina pulls her head away from between your thighs, her face smeared in all your juices while your thighs are left a trembling mess. 

“Liar.”

“She needs to be wetter! Let me eat her out more!”

“Columbina.” Arlecchino finally makes her presence known, crawling over to the bed and pulling her hair back, forcefully pulling her away from your cunt. Columbina whined and gave Arlecchino a glare, not quite finished with eating you out yet. “Arle, I said she needed to be wetter.”

You couldn’t believe you had four women in your bed, all fighting for you during the Purge. You would voice your concerns if not for Sandrone still whining and grinding on your face so roughly. Though the woman was a small, seemingly gentle woman, it was obvious she was one of the more desperate ones of the group. 

“Suck on her tits or something. I want her tight cunt swallowing my strap.” Arlecchino growled, possessively stroking your thigh while Columbina huffed. “Fine.” She gave your inner thigh one last bite, causing you to jolt and accidentally make Sandrone come from the sudden movement. 

“Oh– nnngh!” Sandrone’s little legs trembled greatly, her orgasm washing over her as she ground her hips more firmly. The sweet, succulent taste of her cum washed down your throat, making your eyes flutter shut in how good Sandrone tasted. “Was her tongue game that good, Sandrone?” Columbina purred, suddenly taking an interest in your mouth. “Yeah, her movements are amateaur at best, but somehow feel really good?” 

“Heh, good enough for me.” Columbina proceeded to shove Sandrone off and take her place, dangling her small, yet very eager cock in front of your lips. “Let’s get those pretty lips sucking me off, hm?” She smiled and caressed your cheek before slipping her tip inside, watching with satisfaction as you took all of her length so easily. Meanwhile, Arlecchino and Signora were more occupied on your raw pussy, which was twitching with need after being neglected for too long. Signora cooed and pressed a teasing kiss to your clit, lightly blowing on it before rising to focus on your breasts. 

“Poor baby is feeling neglected up here, huh?” She teased, the blonde woman leaning in to lick a long stripe across your tits before latching one nipple in her mouth. She took pleasure in the way your back arched off the bed, the Fair Lady’s tongue swirling around hungrily as her fingers swirled around your clit. “Give me some lube, Arle. I want to finger her for a bit before you start.” 

You heard the sound of growl before Arlecchino reluctantly obliged. “Make it quick, I want to fold her into the mattress myself.” She gave Signora a bottle of lube and you could only moan when you felt the Fair Lady’s cold fingers circle your entrance with a slimy substance coating them. When you moaned however, you choked on Columbina’s cock, causing her to groan and buck her hips. “Goodness her throat is…quite tight.”

Signora chuckled at that and pressed her fingers deeper into your entrance, watching with great pleasure as they sunk in with little to no resistance. “And quite wet. You did a good job of loosening her up, Columbina.” Signora proceeded to finger you to see just how far you could take her. Her fingers –which were very long and thin– stretching you out and brushing up against all your tender spots to see which ones would make you squirm. 

As this was happening, you felt Columbina’s tiny cock start twitching in your mouth, signaling that she was getting close. Unable to keep your moans to yourself, you stifled a small whine and traced the underside of her shaft with your tongue, watching as her face made all sorts of lewd expressions. “Oh f-fu– I’m gonna come…” she whimpered, riding your face faster before shooting a hot load down your throat and throwing her head back. 

“Oh? What a good girl, making two of us orgasm already.” Signora hummed, pulling her fingers out and licking them clean. “I guess it’s time to get to the main event now.” 

Columbina tiredly got off you and went to join Sandrone, who was lying blissfully on the bed and watching how you took the final two women. The taste of sex and cum lingered on the back of your tongue, yet you were now hooked. You gazed at Arlecchino who had been waiting impatiently at the foot of the bed, stroking her fat strap and making sure you saw. 

“Hold her down, Signora.” Arlecchino commanded, watching as you were manhandled to switch positions. No longer were you lying flat on your back, as you were now sat up against Signora with her chest against your back, bare breasts and stomach pressed against your skin and making you shiver. “Such a good girl, letting us manhandle you as we please…” Signora’s deep, husky voice whispered in your ear, her hands making their way down to your thighs and keeping them spread for Arlecchino. “Have fun with her, Arle.” 

Arlecchino didn’t need to be told twice. She crawled on top of you and angled her strap to brush against your entrance. Her eyes narrowed as she saw how needy your pussy was after going through three women, seeing how twitchy and puffy it was. “You three really did a number on her.” She mumbled, brushing the tip of her strap between your folds. When you trembled and let out a gasp at the feeling, both Arle and Signora smirked, with Signora trailing her hands down to pull your folds apart. 

“Do your worst. She wants it.” 

Arlecchino grinned and sandwiched you against Signora, slowly pushing her strap into you and watching as you were speared open on her faux cock. “Fuck– she’s tight still…” She grumbled, enjoying the way your pussy gripped the silicone so roughly. 

“Well you did buy a girthy one.” Sandrone says matter-of-factly. 

“I know, but she seems to enjoy it anyways.” Arlecchino laughed wolfishly and continued to spear you open while your cunt struggled to accommodate her girth. You had never felt so full before when taking a toy, letting out sweet whimpers as the smallest beads of tears formed at your lashes. 

“Oh, don’t cry…” Signora hummed behind you, licking your tears away. “It’ll feel so good soon~”

The harlequin let out a grunt as she pushed her hips further, watching as her strap finally nestled itself comfortably inside you. She could see the slightest bit of arousal pool at the base of her strap, and that only spurred her on more, starting to thrust at a shallow pace. You threw your head back against Signora’s shoulder, feeling her soft lips press kisses on your tear-dotted face. Arlecchino was just so deep, filling your insides on just her girth alone while she thrusted. 

“My…what a peculiar sight.” Arlecchino chuckled, her eyes filled with pure desire as she saw you trembling beneath her. Your legs pathetically squirming yet being held down, clearly overstimulated now that you had to go through the fourth Purger. 

“I haven’t even bottomed out yet.” She smiled wickedly, pinning you in place while she nearly folded you in half. If not for Signora sitting there behind you, you were sure she would have pushed you into a full on mating press into the mattress. “Hold her tighter, I’m going all in.” 

Every woman in the room watched with interest as Arlecchino took a deep breath and slowly inched herself deeper until your cunt hit her harness. With each inch, you felt a loud whine rip through you, the fat tip of Arle’s strap pushing against your walls and forming a slight belly bulge. “Oh my…” Signora’s eyes glazed over with lust, trailing her hand up to rest atop the bulge. “Look how deep you are in her, Arle.” 

“How cuteee!” Columbina cooed. “I wanna give her a belly bulge too!”

“Maybe another time. The poor girl looks as if she’ll pass out after this round.” 

All four women leered at you hungrily before Arlecchino pulled out and slammed back in. They took great pleasure in watching Arle ravage your insides, wet smacks filling the air as your expressions formed into even lewder ones. Signora looked the most ecstatic, her hand gently pushing down on the bulge each time Arle bottomed out and thrusted back into you. 

The extra force of Signora pushing down on your stomach and Arlecchino fucking you like an animal was almost too much to handle. Each punctuated thrust of Arlecchino’s hips made your poor body bounce rather weakly, your legs scrambling to pull away from Signora’s grip and latch around the harlequin’s waist. 

“She’s getting close. I can feel it…” Arlecchino growled, craving to see your cum form a ring around her base. “Come for me…I know you can do it.” 

She held onto your ankle and gave it a small kiss, looking down at you as you writhed around like a worm. The way your leg twitched and the tears trailed down your face was enough to make all the girls swoon over you harder. You were just too cute, they were glad they broke in to get you. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you felt your pussy tense up before cumming all over Arlecchino’s strap. The harlequin groaned at the sight and started thrusting even faster, going feral at the sight of your cum drenching her faux cock and helping you ride out your orgasm. The other woman in the room giggled at the sight of you reduced to a whining, babbling mess, Arlecchino finally pulling out and admiring how soaked you made her strap. 

“Goddamn…” she grunted, dropping your legs to the bed and watching as you collapsed against Signora, too tired to even keep your eyes open. 

“Look at her, barely able to stay awake.” Sandrone comments, gently massaging one of your thighs. “We really did a number on her.” 

“Awww, I really wanted to fuck her too.” Columbina pouts, tracing the hickies and bite marks the women left on your body.

“Maybe when she wakes up. For now, let’s let the poor girl rest.” Signora gently caressed your cheek and gave you a small kiss. “Close your eyes, little one. We will keep you safe throughout the rest of the Purge.” 

Arlecchino crawls up to join you by your side, pulling you against her while all the other women adjust to snuggle around you, essentially turning this into one big cuddle pile. “Rest well,” Arlecchino whispers huskily, your eyes growing heavier as you bask in the embrace of the four Purgers who broke into your home, yet showed you the best way to celebrate the gory holiday.

“Happy Purge.” 

[ugh-yoongi]

a word from our sponsors | knj

you’ve co-hosted a podcast with namjoon for three years; have known him even longer. the two of you have always been the picture of platonic, but that hasn’t stopped the internet from doing what the internet does. the shipping? a little weird at first, but you can understand it: two attractive twenty-somethings always in close proximity to one another, obvious (platonic!) chemistry—people have created ships for less. the fanfiction, though? also pretty funny… until you can’t stop thinking about it. 🎙️

pairing: namjoon x f. reader genre: podcast, friends to lovers au; crack, smut, fluff rating: explicit. minors do not interact. warnings: parasocial relationships galore, a m*n with a p*dcast, author abuses italics, swearing, alcohol, reader uses a pseudonym/nickname (piper) because writing the meta fanfiction scene would've been too weird without one and i refuse to use y/n, dialogue-heavy but it is a fic about a podcast, everyone is down horrendous, mentions of social media & fake r*ddit posts, ex-boyfriend yoongi but in a good, healthy way. let me know if i missed anything but mostly this is just two goofballs not realizing they're in love with one another. smut warnings: kissing, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex (fiction), protected vaginal sex (nonfiction), a lil squirting, mild degradation, mentions of a p*ss kink but there is no actual pee i promise (...lest?), i didn't intend to write size kink but it's namjoon so it just showed up anyway, slight dom!joon, everyone orgasms. wordcount: 17.5k credits: this was entirely inspired by that one episode of the basement yard where frankie reads the smut fic of him and joe, so credits to both that author and that podcast. spotify, for their podcast name generator. astro-seek for helping me drag namjoon astrologically. an extra special, gigantic thanks to @effortandmore for writing the meta fanfic (3k of it, no less!) and not batting an eye when i said it could have pee in it as a joke. this is as much yours as it is mine. finally, @hot-soop and @the-boy-meets-evil for reading this over for me and telling me i'm funny. author's note: happy birthday, indigo! here i am to validate every fear you've ever had that the people you write porn about may one day read it. live and on air. :)

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years.

You can learn a lot about a guy in that amount of time.

None of it is especially salacious. You know all about his family and his dog and the brand of recycled paper towels he insists on buying in bulk. You know what he’d written his grad school thesis on and what he’d looked like in the thick of it, when he was staving off his fifth mental break of the week. You know how fidgety he gets when it’s closing in on Friday night and he’s got a date—how much he stresses over which restaurant to pick, which cologne, which expensive cashmere sweater to wear.

You also know what the internet thinks about him. Intimately.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is peak husband material. He has cheeks ripe for pinching and thighs small countries would go to war to defend. He has a lap that doubles as a seat and dimples people want to get baptized in. He has Instagram selfies with hundreds of thousands of likes and comment sections full of intelligible keysmashes, especially the ones he posts from the gym.

Kim Namjoon, according to the internet, is a man written by a woman.

Looking at him now, you aren’t sure that’s true, you think people just need to raise their standards. Namjoon is just… Namjoon. He’s intelligent and kind and up to date on modern feminist theory, is all. And, sure, maybe in the current political landscape that puts him far above the rest of men, but the way the internet has latched onto him is a little concerning.

“There’s another post about whether or not we’re dating,” you say, pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose.

sooo let’s be real here, we ALL think they’re dating, right?? Posted by u/pod-shipper 2 hours ago

Just like he always does, Namjoon huffs out a soft laugh, makes his way around to your side of the table. Puts his large hands on your shoulders as he leans in close to read from your screen, snorting every time he reads a sentence he finds particularly amusing. Whichever cologne he’d chosen this morning is, admittedly, very nice.

It’s sooo obvious, especially in the episodes they film and post on YouTube. The way they look at each other?? I don’t even look at my HUSBAND like that! (+1264) ↳ omg ur sooooo right! i could MAYBE buy that they aren’t full on dating, but they’ve def at least slept together. Namjoon is so 🔥🔥🔥 (+791) ↳ um how can namjoon be dating her when he’s already married to me 😌💅 (+3) ↳ For the millionth time, can we not speculate on their personal lives? This is weird and reinforces really harmful ideas that men and women can’t just be friends. (-51)

“How come they never talk about how hot you are?”

You can tell by the look on Namjoon’s face that he hadn’t meant to say that—or, if he did, he didn’t mean to say it like that, with an entire pout, eyebrows raised nearly to his hairline. “Cursed to be ugly and dumb,” you joke to ease the sudden tension, reading the comment that simply says you’d have to be the dumbest person alive to not sleep with Namjoon.

He scrunches his nose at that. Returns to his side of the table. “Yeah, I don’t think so, lots of people haven’t slept with me.” Starts to unpack all the gear from his bag before he says, “Hey, all that stuff—does it bother you?”

“What do you mean?” you answer, the corner of a protein bar stuck in your mouth. Namjoon always insists on recording at the most inconvenient times.

“People thinking we’re together,” he clarifies.

You shrug. “I dunno. Not really. Comes with the territory, I think, not to mention how much you love to overshare—”

“Hello?”

“I’m just saying,” you retort, hands raised in self-defense. “There really was no need for you to mention you blew your grad school stipend on a porn scam.” Namjoon looks affronted, like he can’t believe you’d stoop so low as to bring that up. “Or that you lost your virginity at fifteen.”

“We have a relationship podcast,” he states simply. “That’s kind of what we do, right? Talk about relationships? And the spectrum of human sexuality is part of that.”

You slump back in your chair as you quirk an eyebrow. “No one said it wasn’t, I just said you overshare. Which you do.”

“And that’s why there’s a dozen Reddit posts a week discussing whether or not we’re dating? Because I overshare?”

“Yeah, exactly. That’s the kind of behavior that leads to parasocial relationships. People latch onto that shit. Makes them think they’re your friend.” He glares. “Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right. It’s bad enough you’ve word-vomited all this highly personal information about yourself, but to not even do it under a pseudonym? It’s like you’re begging for trouble.”

Another comment he doesn’t even realize he’s making: “I don’t beg. For anything.”

To this day, you’re not sure why Namjoon asked you to co-host a podcast with him.

His reasoning had been simple: “You’re my best friend and we don’t agree on anything.” Hard to argue with that. Namjoon has seemingly endless patience, even in the face of things he shouldn’t entertain, and you… do not, to put it simply.

You’re not a cold person. Your fuse isn’t short. You’re just a little jaded, is all. Have far less propensity for bullshit than Namjoon does, so the two of you play well off each other. You end a sentence with a well-punctuated full stop and Namjoon’s right behind you to sigh and say maybe you shouldn’t be so hasty, not everything in the world can be so black or white.

Except some things are. Somewhere along the way, the podcast—which Namjoon had affectionately named Place Him Gently in the Garbage, even though some people should be shoved in there with force—had picked up a following. A big one. And now, every week, you’re inundated with emails ranging in severity. Sometimes people just want to vent after their tenth bad date in a row or share funny stories, and Namjoon lets you take the lead on those, but sometimes it’s a little more serious. That’s where Namjoon shines, all that endless patience, and people love him for it.

“What’s on the agenda today?” he asks, accepting a thick stack of papers from Jungkook.

Ah, Jungkook.

You aren’t sure what he actually does. Some kind of social media manager, which is obvious from the wildly out-of-context clips he posts of you to TikTok, and it’s his responsibility to go through the thousands of emails you get from listeners, but aside from that all you’ve got are your suspicions that he just sticks around to swindle Namjoon out of more and more money.

“I’m in a silly goofy mood,” comes Jungkook’s reply, and you let out a witch cackle as Namjoon winces. Nothing good ever comes of Jungkook being in a silly goofy mood, and that’s quite alright by you.

Fifteen minutes later finds you with a camera in your face that you greet with an unamused, flat stare. Jungkook is used to it by now. Just films for a few seconds before turning his attention to an unaware Namjoon. Head down, pen and highlighter going a mile a minute as he pores over the stack of papers with all the doggedness and eagle-eyed stare of a literature professor.

That’s the thing about Namjoon—he takes this really seriously. So do you, but not in the ways Namjoon does. He’s all skill and determination and you’re color commentary. It works. It clearly works, so you aren’t too bent out of shape about it, but sometimes you worry. Namjoon takes this really seriously and sometimes you worry that he takes it too seriously, that he carries the burdens and worries of all these strangers, that he’s trying to solve and fix things that aren’t his responsibility to solve and fix.

So he takes it really seriously and you don’t take it as seriously as you maybe should, and everything is by design. Balanced.

Twenty minutes later finds you staring across the table at Namjoon, who asks, “Are you ready?” and does one last equipment check before he launches into, “Welcome back to another episode of Place Him Gently in the Garbage with Namjoon and Piper. What’s new with you, Pipe? Any fun news?”

Pipe. It drives you nuts. Feels like nails on a chalkboard. “I see you almost every single day,” you respond dryly. “But for the sake of entertainment, I’m thinking about getting a cat.”

“A cat?” Namjoon parrots, and his eyebrows disappear beneath his fringe because he knows what that means.

You’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, but you’ve known him even longer.

Since your first year of college, which is also when you met Yoongi. Yoongi, your ex. Yoongi, the person you’d been with for six years and had planned a life around. Yoongi, now one of your closest friends, because the two of you still love one another but no longer in that way, which is fine. But also—Yoongi, allergic to cats.

So, yeah. Namjoon knows what that means, and he has the good sense not to mention it. Unlike him, you’re intensely private and keep your cards close to your chest. Your listeners don’t even know your real name, let alone that you’d gone through a breakup a year ago.

“What kind of cat?” he continues, like his entire world hasn’t just been turned upside-down.

You shrug. “Eh, I don’t know. Probably one that’s been in the shelter a long time, I guess. I’m not too fussy, you know?”

“Right, a cat is a cat,” Namjoon says, thinking he’s done something. You and Jungkook gasp at the same time. “What? Why are you giving me that look?”

“Because that’s a fucked up thing to say! A cat is not just a cat. They have little personalities, just like people. You’ve got—”

“But you just said you’re not fussy,” he interjects. “And I know they have personalities and that you have to find one that suits your lifestyle! Like, you can’t have one of those really cool cats that likes to go kayaking and shit, it’d never work—”

“What does that mean? Why couldn’t I have a cool cat?”

“Hey, all you cool cats and kittens,” Namjoon mocks, and you can tell he thinks he’s done something again, but his impression falls flatter than flat. An awkward silence fills the studio. He coughs. “Anyway. Do you have pictures?”

“Yeah. I also have a list of candidates ranked by how cool their names are. Number five, Casserole.”

“That’s cute.”

“Mhm,” you agree, “but Casserole is a kitten, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of responsibility.”

“They do say you should adopt kittens in pairs.”

“And that’s how they get you. You want one kitten and they talk you into two, and before you know it you’ve got, like, twelve cats. Number four, Party Girl.”

“Sick name.”

“Number three, Toddler.”

“Toddler?”

“Number two, Flat.”

“Just Flat? Understandable.”

“And, finally, number one: Human Torch.”

“Yoooo.” Namjoon laughs. “You have to adopt Human Torch. Let me see.” You pull up a picture on your phone and hand it over. “Okay, for our listeners—Human Torch is a young, male Domestic Short Hair. He has stripes. I don’t know what that’s called.”

“Tabby,” Jungkook chimes in.

“Jungkook says he’s a tabby. He’s cute. Adopt him.”

You return your phone to your pocket. “Maybe. I still think I want an older cat, but I’ll consider it. What about you, though? Any new dating horror stories to share?”

Ah, the dating horror stories. Your most dedicated shippers are convinced they’re fake, that Namjoon just makes them up on the spot to keep them off your trail. If only. Not in the if only they were fake and Namjoon and I were actually dating kind of way, but the holy shit one of my closest friends is a fucking disaster and it’s a little embarrassing kind of way.

“Not really,” he answers. “I’ve got a date this Friday, though. Trying to decide if dinner and a movie is too boring.”

“It’s a classic for a reason. What are you gonna see, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3?”

“Three?” Namjoon emphasizes, truly sounding scandalized. “Since when are there three? I haven’t even seen one or two.”

“Okay, first of all, the original is a classic and it’s a crime you haven’t seen it.”

“And second of all?”

“There is no second of all. Repeat point one.”

He snorts. “I’m not gonna see that, anyway. Maybe the re-release of Howl’s Moving Castle.”

“Subbed or dubbed, though?”

“Are you trying to get me canceled?”

“Absolutely.”

“I like both,” he chickens out. “Now, let’s stop wasting time and get to the point of the show.”

“Talking about cats is a waste of time?”

“I—no, we’ve just got a lot on the agenda today.”

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s lots to talk about on the celebrity front—”

Namjoon loves this part. As esteemed and educated as he is, not even he is immune to good old celebrity gossip. (Inside him there are two wolves.) Lives for it. Texts you about it at all hours of the night. Sends you links to Reddit threads with hundreds of comments. Has more opinions on Celebrity Big Brother than he does on Ludwig Wittgenstein, sometimes, and when that’s the case you know you’re in for a long evening. You’ve never even seen an episode of Celebrity Big Brother.

But Namjoon loves it, so you’ve become fond of it by association. Reminds you a bit of Yoongi and his love for sports and sports anime.

“—one should we start with?”

“Whatever you want,” you answer, because you haven’t been paying a lick of attention and you aren’t sure it matters anyway. Namjoon can talk to a wall on a good day, but he’s an entirely different beast once mundane, innocuous celeb gossip gets involved.

And even though you hadn’t been paying attention, it seems like this was the right thing to say, because Namjoon smiles so wide his dimples crater his face. “Cool. Let’s start with Taryn Manning. Did you see that bizarre—”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who is Taryn Manning?”

Namjoon looks a little dumbstruck. Even Jungkook’s arching an eyebrow at you. “Are you serious? She was in Orange is the New Black and Crossroads.”

“The Britney Spears movie?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh. Weird, okay. Continue.”

Your co-host shoots you a very pointed look. “I will, thanks. Anyway, she posted a video on social media talking about this affair she had with a married man. Like, she pulled over on the side of the road to record this. Said she can’t stand the man’s wife because she called her a quote-unquote lunatic.”

“I—huh, thought we weren’t supposed to say that anymore. Alright.”

“But wait, it gets even more bizarre. Listen to this quote—and this is direct. This is a direct quote from the video, I can’t stop thinking about it: ‘Don’t you ever threaten me when your husband came to me to get his butthole licked.’ Can you—”

“What? Namjoon, what in the fuck—”

“It’s crazy, right? She was gonna buy this guy a boat.”

“Namjoon, this is a family show, you can’t just talk about ass-eating unprompted.”

“No it’s not.”

“Well, you still shouldn’t talk about ass-eating unprompted. It’s unbecoming.”

“You’re unbecoming,” Namjoon fires back, because he can’t help it. The words are out of his mouth before he can think. “Sorry, that was out of line.”

You sigh. Know whatever look Jungkook is catching on his camera right now is exasperated and pointed, the corners of your mouth probably tugged up just a hint. “Unbecoming, like I said.” Namjoon scoffs. “Anyway, so this actress was gonna buy this married guy a boat and was eating his ass?”

“Yeah. Apparently it was her friend’s husband? They all went to a Taylor Swift concert together.”

“Jesus, this keeps getting worse. Big year for Hollywood cheaters.”

“It is, right? Cheaters and divorces. Something in the water, I guess.”

“I saw the astrology girlies saying a bunch of planets are in retrograde, so—”

“Can you explain that to me? Like, what does it mean for a planet to be in retrograde? Why is it causing divorces?”

“I don’t know, I’m not an astrology girlie. That’s why I said the astrology girlies. What are your big three, though?”

“What’s that?”

“Your sun, moon, and rising signs.”

“How do I find that out?”

“Ugh,” you intone, “don’t worry about it, I’ll do it myself. What time were you born?”

Namjoon rattles off a time.

You grab your laptop. Pull up the page, type in Namjoon’s date of birth and birthplace, and wait. Then you’re staring at a circle with a bunch of lines in it that also don’t make a lick of sense to you. You roll your lips to keep from laughing and school your voice into something deadly serious. “Bad news: it says you’re a virgin.”

“Virgo,” Namjoon corrects, not taking the bait. “I already knew that.”

You scroll a little further down the page. “Your moon is in Sagittarius. Oh god, listen to this, they’ve got you pegged: ‘The greatest need is to always search for something. In order to feel safe you need a philosophy or belief’—”

“Haaa, that’s not—”

“—’You need to have a goal or mission that gives your life meaning. Your faith must be voluntary and it is a paradox that fighting against dogmas may lead you to other dogmas.’ Yeah, that’s you.”

“That could apply to anyone,” he argues. “There are seven-billion people on this planet; I’d imagine a sizable amount of them would say that also describes them.”

“Hm, sounds like your faith in astrology is not yet voluntary. Did you know you’re a Scorpio rising?”

“No. I’m sure you’re gonna tell me all about it, though.”

You smile. “Correct. ‘People with Scorpio on the Ascendant need to fight against dark and destructive power in their life.’ Is that true?”

“Yeah, you’re the dark and destructive power. You keep sidetracking me and we need to get to the point of the podcast.” He grabs the stack of papers Jungkook had given him. Looks more highlighter than paper, if you’re being honest. “I guess Jungkook thought we needed a lighthearted kind of day.”

“That was nice of him, considering what he gave us last week. I guess we’re allowed to have faith in humanity today.”

To your left, Jungkook scoffs.

“Alright,” Namjoon starts, putting on his Very Serious Podcast Guy voice, “first up we’ve got a question from one of our listeners in Canada. It says, ‘Hi, Piper and Namjoon. I recently agreed to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend. She said he was a bit old-fashioned but really talked him up so I thought I was in good hands—and then he showed up to get me in a ‘67 GTO and exclusively referred to me as doll. He didn’t use my name once. I’m torn, because he was really nice and I had a good time otherwise, but this is weird, right? Should I see him agai—’”

“No,” you interject.

“Can I finish?”

“You don’t have to. This guy sounds greasy.”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “And why is that?”

“Ignoring the fact that this guy has arguably one of the lamest classic cars around, he didn’t use their name once? Not once, in all the time they spent together? That’s really disrespectful.”

“Some people are just pet name people,” Namjoon argues.

“With absolute strangers, though? It’s really giving the impression that he didn’t even know it, not to mention some people are uncomfortable with pet names. The whole shtick is super lame.”

“I agree it sounds a bit misguided, but—”

Ignoring Namjoon, you say, “Sorry you had to go on a date with the ghost of less-cool James Dean. Into the garbage he goes.”

And, just like he’s done a million times before, Namjoon rolls his eyes and says, “If you really like this guy and want to see him again, a bit of communication will go a long way. Tell him the pet name made you uncomfortable—if it did—and offer to pick him up for the next date. I don’t think he’s completely destined for the garbage, yet.”

“You’re just saying that because you don’t have a license. You probably think a 1967 Pontiac GTO is the pinnacle of romance. That’s probably like picking someone up on a Specialized Aethos to you, eh?”

“That’s a fifteen-thousand dollar bike, I’ll have you know.”

You groan. “Oh my god.”

Ep: #183 - Namjoon is a Virgin

I think Namjoon had the right idea on this one. Sure, the car can be considered lame, but I think a lot of men are deeply insecure and therefore overcompensate when it comes to dating. Women are hard to impress when they have unlimited options. You have to stand out, so I’m glad he advocated for him. Piper can come off like such a misandrist sometimes. (-649) ↳ just shut up bro namjoon would fuckin hate u (+204) ↳ Imagine caring about something like this when they’re getting a cat together 🙄 (+19)

You think about the cat thing for nearly a week.

Adopting a cat is certainly not the worst idea you’ve ever had, and truth be told it’s been a little lonely, living by yourself. No more Yoongi in your space; no more Holly. So, having a new little friend around might do you some good.

It’s just—

It’s a big commitment, and there’s also the dog sitting-shaped elephant in the room. Ending things on good terms means you’re still Yoongi’s second-choice sitter whenever he has to go out of town, and while you love Holly dearly (the two of you had adopted him together, after all), he’s a lot like his father in a lot of ways.

Should I get a cat, you type out, and it’s only been in Yoongi’s inbox a few seconds before the most unflattering picture you’ve ever taken of him is flashing across your screen.

“Are you dying?” you ask, because Yoongi doesn’t call you for much else.

And you already know what his response is going to be. “We’re all dying.”

“Lighten up, Yoongi. One might say being so existentially nihilistic before noon causes wrinkles.”

There’s a split-second pause. “It’s nine p.m.”

“Sure, but it’s before tomorrow’s noon, so it still counts.”

“Whatever. Listen, before you adopt that cat, I need a favor.”

“You going out of town again?”

“Yeah. Shouldn’t be long, though. A week at the most, five days if I’m lucky.”

“That’s fine, bring him over whenever. Yijeong’s busy?”

This pause is far, far longer. “No,” comes Yoongi’s eventual response, but it’s slow. Unsure. A two-letter word has never taken so long to say in the history of ever. “He’s, uh. Coming with me?”

Oh, you think. This is where your ex awkwardly and hesitantly breaks the news of his new relationship. You’ve known this day was coming, and this is what you get for staying friends with him. “This is a fanfiction plot,” you accuse. “Hot, mysterious man moves into a gaudy apartment complex after ending a long-term relationship and meets his equally-hot and mysterious neighbor and they fall in love.”

“I—that’s not—my apartment is not gaudy.”

“Yes it is. There’s a giant gold bust of a weird bird in the lobby.”

“Weird bird?” he parrots. “It’s a swan.”

“I see you’re not denying the in-love-with-your-neighbor accusations.”

“Am I on trial?” Yoongi retorts, and it’s such a Yoongi thing to say when what he means is, is this okay? He means, are we able to talk about this without it being weird? He means, I won’t ever say as much out loud, but your acceptance means a lot to me, and I’d like for you to give me this.

So you lower your voice and soften the edges because it’s not really something to joke about, and you say, “No, of course you’re not on trial,” and Yoongi knows what you mean. “And if you were, you'd get locked up for fifty years. You can’t lie for shit.”

There’s a beat of silence before he clears his throat, mutters a thanks that is so quiet you almost don’t catch it. “Send me pictures of the cats.”

Later on, once you’re freshly-showered and tucked into bed with a candle and a book (Eloge de l’amour by Alain Badiou at Namjoon’s insistence and request), your phone buzzes with a text from Yoongi—

Yoongi: toddler is a fucking hilarious name for a cat but so is flat Yoongi: it’s a tie for me You: Okay well pick one 🙄 Yoongi: yijeong says get both You: Both???? Is he paying my vet bills? Yoongi: kinda out of line to proposition him for money. flat is also good with dogs, js You: If he’s now being raised by you two, my perfect, well-behaved son is probably long gone. Does he even count as a dog anymore? Yoongi: me and yijeong both say fuck off Yoongi: holly too. he says he doesn’t miss you anymore and he’s not coming over now Yoongi has added Yijeong to the group Yoongi has changed the group name to #ThirdWheelChat Yijeong: Please don’t drag me into this. Also I did not say “fuck off” You have changed the group name to People Who Have Seen Yoongi Naked Yoongi: fuck you

You should’ve known something was going on with Jungkook, because it’d started like this:

(When you and Namjoon started the podcast three years ago, it was in the living room of his apartment.

Surrounded by books and plants. He loved to record in the afternoons back then—Namjoon loved to say it was because of his grad school schedule, but you’ve always suspected he just wanted to preen in the golden hour light, much like he’s doing now.

“Is this really necessary?” Jungkook whines from his spot on the couch. He’s already swindled Namjoon out of two bags of microwavable popcorn and three cans of sparkling water. “It’s a Saturday afternoon; I could be doing something so much more fun than this.”

Namjoon scoffs. “Are you saying this isn’t fun?”

“Yeah. It sucks, actually. This could’ve been an email.”

And because Namjoon is accomplished, mature, and absolutely incapable of not taking Jungkook’s bait, the space between his brows creases as he sends a murderous glare Jungkook’s way. “Stop eating my food, then. And drinking my drinks. And lounging on my couch like that—”

“I’m not lounging,” Jungkook argues.

“You’re manspreading all over the leather!”

“This is how I sit!”

“Well, knock it off! My couch is only for fun and people who think I’m fun!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “So you fuck on it?”

“What?”

“What other fun things could you possibly do on a couch?”

Namjoon blinks. “Watch… watch a movie?”

Jungkook groans, throws himself backwards against the pillows as if he’s suffering a Victorian ailment. “Jesus. No wonder you can’t score a second date.”

“Okay, that was a little uncalled for. There are a ton of reasons a person might not want a second date, and no one is obligated to go out with me—”

“Uh-huh. Anyway—”

You clear your throat. Try to hide your own can of seltzer you’d taken from Namjoon’s fridge in the midst of his and Jungkook’s bickering. “Not trying to be rude, but I have an appointment at the shelter at three. If, y’know. You wouldn’t mind speeding this up a little.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course—”

“Oh, so you’ll speed this up for her but not—”

Namjoon pinches the bridge of his nose. “She,” he begins, jerking his thumb in your direction, “isn’t needlessly complaining and actually has someplace to be.”)

It was just a quick little rendezvous in Namjoon’s living room to come up with a rough draft for the following month’s episodes. He couldn’t do it over text because he’d fallen down the steps at his office and landed on his ass on the corner of a step and his phone had been in his back pocket. Cracked clean in half. And he couldn’t do it over email because he—rightfully—knew Jungkook would ignore them because he has his inbox set up to send all of Namjoon’s personal emails to the trash.

But Jungkook holds onto things like that. Grudges. Loves to let Namjoon think bygones are bygones and pop up a few days later with some evil scheme. Hence:

“What is this?”

Jungkook smirks. Rocks back on his heels. “It’s fanfiction.”

“I can see that, but… why?”

This is where Jungkook shines: the ominous, cheshire cat grin; the aw, shucks demeanor that gaslights Namjoon into thinking Jungkook couldn’t possibly be fucking with him. “Well, you were having trouble coming up with ideas for episodes, and there’s an email in there from someone whose partner reads really expli—”

“Jungkook, this is fanfiction about me.”

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you. Of all the weird shit you’ve seen on the internet (and there’s been a lot), fanfiction of people you know—your friends—was something you’d managed to escape. Probably by virtue of not knowing anyone famous enough to warrant fanfiction being written about them.

But you should’ve known. You really, really should’ve known.

“Oh my god?”

You’re not sure who says it. Could be you or Namjoon, but the sentiment is the same. He mouths a what the fuck at you that’s met with a shrug. You’re in uncharted territory now, too. “Where did you even find this?” you ask, taking the stack of papers from Namjoon. “And why did you print it out?”

“Because I’m going to track down whoever wrote it and get them to autograph it. Then I’m going to buy a nice frame and hang it on the wall behind him, so we never forget this historical moment in Place Him Gently in the Garbage lore.”

“It’s a podcast,” Namjoon deadpans, “how can it have lore? And how much lore can there possibly be?”

“It’s the internet,” you concede. “The lore possibilities are endless. Don’t tempt them.”

Jungkook nods sagely, well-versed in the degeneracy of the internet. “Yeah, that’s how you end up with shit like 4chan.”

“4chan? There’s Space Jam porn on there.”

As the youngest, all Jungkook can do is roll his eyes. “Sometimes explaining this shit to you feels like trying to teach old people how to rotate PDFs—”

Namjoon scoffs. “I’m not that bad. I know how to rotate a PDF.”

Wow, Jungkook mouths. “Anyway, back to the fanfiction—”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Namjoon interjects. He looks at you. “It’s weird, right? Like, it’s weird that people have written this about us?”

About us.

Your scope of the world narrows to the size of a pinhead. It’d just been about Namjoon before. This is fanfiction about me, he’d said, and you hadn’t been included in that. Now it’s written about us and you’re included.

“I—what?”

“It’s about us,” Namjoon repeats.

Jungkook rolls his lips. “It’s about the two of you fucking, to be specific.”

“Can you not—”

“Fucking a lot,” Jungkook continues. “So much fucking.”

Namjoon looks at you, and it’s all you can do to keep from laughing. The look on his face is pure bewilderment, both that Jungkook has cooked up this idea and is hell-bent on executing it and that he remains employed. And maybe it’s a little bit of nerves, too, because neither of you are ignorant of the risks. Reading fanfiction about yourselves—about the two of you as a couple, specifically, or at least two people who have sex—is weird. Not something you can unread.

And maybe it’s because you’re so determined to not make it weird that you send Namjoon a cheeky, exaggerated wink, shrug your shoulders, and say, “I’ll need a couple drinks, but I’m down.”

Jungkook throws his head back and cackles wildly, and that look of bewilderment on Namjoon’s face morphs into something else. Trepidation, maybe; definitely disbelief, because sometimes he lets himself get swept away in Jungkook’s schemes, but it’s rare that you follow suit.

As Jungkook continues to laugh, you wonder if you should’ve said no.

Namjoon has two stipulations: the two of you have to film the episode completely alone, and he, too, needs to be a little drunk.

The latter? Piece of cake, considering Namjoon has become some sort of whiskey aficionado in recent years. His drinking is streamlined and to the point—he knows exactly how much and what to drink to get him where he wants to be. You can’t say he isn’t efficient.

The former, though? Borderline impossible. From the second Namjoon states his terms, Jungkook is having none of it. Argues that he’s the one who found the story and the one who cleared it with the author, so he deserves to witness the fruits of his labor.

“No,” Namjoon repeats for the nth time, “no way. I’ll barely be able to do this with just her, let alone both of you.”

And that—that doesn’t bother you, right? You force a laugh, because why would it bother you?

There are few secrets between you and Namjoon, except your respective sex lives have been staunchly off-limits. Namjoon could be a virgin for all you know, and as you study him—the way he keeps bobbing his leg, the slight shake in his hands—you wonder if that’s the reason he’s being so weird about this.

It’s just a story.

Fiction.

Most people don’t have to worry about someone writing stories about them fucking their friends. If they do, you reckon even less actually read them. So, sure, it’s a little strange, but people from all over the world send in stranger stuff all the time, don’t they? It’s literally the reason you’re in this predicament.

Eventually Jungkook agrees. His whining has gotten him nowhere, so he just throws up his hands. Posts a cryptic little “u guys won’t believe what the next patreon ep is lmao” that sends the internet into a frenzy. Doubles your Patreon numbers almost immediately, and both you and Namjoon do a good job of pretending the pressure isn’t overwhelming.

Jesus. You have to read explicit fanfiction about yourselves. On camera.

Namjoon gets caught up with work and isn’t available until the weekend, so you’re forced to sit with the nerves for a few days. Not too bad at first, but you’re nearly coming out of your skin by Thursday with the need to know. You’re well-versed in the world of fanfiction, but this is fanfiction about you: your name, your likeness, maybe even your personality.

What will they know of Namjoon, though?

Will they get it right, the way he looks with his jaw clenched? How impossibly deep his voice can go, both when it’s raspy with sleep and when he’s fully at ease? Will the Namjoon in the story be closer to the Namjoon you know, or the version of himself he presents to the public?

And you’ve known him a long time—long enough that there are few secrets between you, but you don’t know the most intimate parts. All the parts the internet loves to speculate on. All the little gaps that, apparently, need to be filled in by fanfiction.

Will they know what Namjoon looks like when he gets off?

No, you scold yourself, jerking awkwardly like you’ve been burned, and neither will you.

Because you are not going to think about this. Your thoughts are not going to go there. Namjoon is your friend, and you’ve listened to him scold an endless amount of men on the podcast for exactly this behavior. Sexualizing their friends. You’re not going to do it, too.

Maybe that’s why you’re kind of seeing double when it comes time to record. Namjoon needed an extra shot and offered you one as well. You’d necked it without a second thought and now you’re here, trying to ignore the slight tilt of the room as Namjoon adjusts the camera.

“How’s the shot look?” he asks, gesturing vaguely behind him at his laptop screen because Jungkook had refused to lend you his fancy cameras if he wasn’t allowed to be involved.

It’s a completely normal question.

It’s a question you’ve asked and answered a million times.

Except—there’s something horribly distracting about Namjoon in this moment. The outline of his back muscles through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. The way the sleeves are tight around his biceps. He’s always been a gym rat, always carries around a protein shake that smells and looks completely foul, but you can’t remember it ever being this obvious.

And you take too long to answer, because Namjoon straightens up just enough to send you a concerned look. Which does not help. You are not imagining what else might cause his brows to pinch like that, what might have his lips parting, have sweat dotting his hairline.

You swallow. Hard.

“Looks fine,” you manage to say. He’s still staring. Are you on fire? You feel like you’re on fire, which would make sense. Would explain Namjoon’s sweating and concerned stare and the fact that he cannot stop staring at you. “Maybe a tiny bit to the right if we’re being picky,” you tack on, hoping it’ll break whatever spell the two of you are ensnared in.

It works. “To the—the right, yeah, makes sense,” he rambles.

He moves it an inch to the left.

—

Things are tense, to say the least.

Recording hasn’t been this awkward since your first episode, or maybe ever. You’re sat across from one another like you always are, and usually Namjoon would be making quip after quip by now, talking endlessly until Jungkook shushed him long enough to get the intro filmed. Now, there’s just silence.

“Should we…?” Namjoon startles. Bangs his knee on the underside of the table and drops a string of curses. “Sorry, are you—”

“I’m fine,” he says, cutting you off. He gestures vaguely toward the camera. “I’ll just… yeah.”

Showtime.

You wipe your hands on your jeans, unsure of when they got so damp. Unsure of when you’d grown so nervous, too, because you’d been fine an hour ago. Had strolled in with two cups of tea and a little too much confidence, giddy at what you were about to do.

Maybe the nerves had shown up alongside the alcohol. This sounds reasonable, and you do not, under any circumstance or for any reason, think about Namjoon’s back. Or his biceps.

Namjoon makes it through the intro, dimples deep and wide as he smiles, and you also don’t think about the way his voice cracks and gets a little breathy when he introduces you. It’s only because he’d been drinking, and the flush on his cheeks attests to that. The same flush that creeps down his neck, still a little sweaty; disappears beneath the hemline of his shirt.

“—Jungkook had. Right, Piper?”

Now it’s your turn to startle, and there’s not much you can do to hide the obvious except ask Namjoon to redo the shot. Because it’s bad enough the internet already overanalyzes every move you make, every word choice, every instance you’ve stared at Namjoon a second longer than they thought you would—this is a blatant display of… affectedness.

“Sorry,” you say, “I wasn't paying attention. Can we redo it?”

You’re expecting a playful scolding. A ha ha, get it together, because that’s what you usually get. But there’s nothing aside from Namjoon studying you and nodding. Asking if you’re okay. Saying, “Is this—this is weird, right? Is it too weird? Maybe we shouldn’t—”

An out. Namjoon is giving you an out, and you should take it, you know you should take it, so there’s absolutely no reason at all you shake your head and say, “No, no, it’s fine! I think I’m just a little, uh. Drunk?”

“Are you sure? We can—”

“It’s fine, Joon,” you insist. “Besides, it’ll be good content, right?”

“Good content,” he parrots. “Yeah, for sure.” He fidgets in his seat, runs his hands down the span of his thighs. Very, very thick thighs. “I’ll grab us some water.”

You faceplant onto the table as soon as he’s out of the room. When did his thighs get so thick?

But the water helps. Cures whatever strange, insatiable thirst has come over you, because you feel much more human after a few glasses. Less drunk, too, which makes sense. Yoongi could barely escape your drunken, horny wrath when the two of you were together, so you chalk it up to a Pavlovian response.

Namjoon does the intro again. Introduces you strong and steady, not a hint of nerves, and explains, with a fresh blush taking over his upper body, what the episode’s going to be about. “Someone wrote fanfiction about us,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. “It’s, uh, pretty explicit. Jungkook thought it’d be funny if we read it.”

You snort. “He might get fired, depending on how this goes.”

“He should get fired regardless,” Namjoon deadpans. “Anyway, we have permission from the author to read this so don’t come after us, and, as always, we’ll put all the credits in the video description.”

“Special shoutout to Jungkook, though, who was not allowed to be here with us for this momentous occasion.”

Namjoon laughs. “I’m sure he’s having plenty of fun at home.” You both pause. “That’s not—I’m not implying anything with that! I just meant—you know, like. He’s hanging out and enjoying his day off.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Moving on. I have two copies of this. Do you want your own?”

You grin, wicked and wide. “Nah, just read it to me.”

“Making me do all the work,” he huffs. “Typical.”

“There’s a stack of papers in front of you that might say otherwise.”

It’s clear you catch him off-guard. He cocks an eyebrow, opens and shuts his mouth a few times like a goldfish. An obvious question sits on the tip of his tongue: You think you’d be in charge? Instead he coughs, jerks his head to the side, and says, “I guess we’ll see.”

It sounds like a challenge.

Thirty seconds is all you get before Namjoon’s shuffling his stack of papers and clearing his throat. Asking if you’re ready and jumping right into it once you say you are. Reads the first few lines like they’re some old lecture notes, and they’re conservative and safe-for-work enough that you start to relax.

And then Namjoon reads, “A louder one wonders if Namjoon is a pet name person—if he’d call her ‘honey,’ or ‘gummy bear,’ ‘babe,’ or ‘baby,’” and you choke.

“Gummy bear?”

Namjoon laughs along with you—the weird one that almost sounds like a dog panting. “You want me to call you gummy bear?”

“I want you to call me a Lyft,” you snark. “I’m leaving.”

He continues:

And that’s how it starts, wandering thoughts, wandering fingers—the first time Piper comes to the thought of Namjoon calling her baby, pushing inside her, showing her that he definitely doesn’t beg, but she does… Well, she’s a little ashamed. She’s apparently got a reputation to maintain, anyway, not to mention a friendship.

His eyes leave the paper and lock onto you. “Or maybe you’d prefer baby?”

“Fuck off.”

Weeks after that first time, it’s become a habit, thinking about Namjoon as something more than a friend. It’s confusing and a little mortifying and it’s starting to affect her in ways she hadn’t expected. When they record, she feels fidgety—she’s jumpy when he gets close, has all the stupid obvious tells of an unwanted crush: her breath hitches when he whispers (why the fuck is he whispering in her ear, anyway? Doesn’t he know what that does to a person?) inside jokes to her so Jungkook can’t hear, her heart rate spikes when their fingers accidentally brush, she feels itchy and hot and a little embarrassed whenever he holds eye contact with her. It’s terrible, and it’s only made worse by the way he’s doing all of those things more than usual. Or, at least she thinks he is, thinks she’s not imagining the way his eyes linger on her more than she can remember happening before or the way she’s caught him staring at her lips when she chews on the end of her pencil mindlessly. 

You’ve completely forgotten how to breathe.

Namjoon’s staring again. You need to salvage this. He’s only on paragraph three and you’re already squirming in your chair and imagining things that are not appropriate. So you roll your lips, return his teasing. “Well? Do you stare at my lips?”

It works. “No,” he scowls.

“You sure?” you joke, morphing your face into something half-pout, half-duck face.

“We’re never gonna finish this if you keep making comments.”

“You started it,” you point out. “Go on, then.”

There’s some dialogue. Some prose that hits way too close to home, has you wondering who on earth wrote this and how they plucked every single thought from deep within your psyche. A pang of fear that maybe you haven’t been as subtle as you’d thought all these years. A moment to confirm to yourself that, no, you haven’t been harboring a secret, deeply-buried crush on Namjoon.

Then he reads—

And then he kisses her. It’s greedy and hot, his lips like a branding iron. She moans a little against her better judgment when he licks at the seam of her mouth, and in return, she can feel Namjoon’s lips curve into a smile against her own. It’s better than she’d been imagining it, really. He’s a good kisser—firm at the right times, soft when she needs it, careful but not cautious. He holds her jaw with one hand and keeps her right where he wants her beneath him (as if she’d want to move, anyway).  When their lips finally part, he rests his forehead on hers. It’s intimate in a way she hadn’t expected, and he looks at her as if she’s the answer to every question. Finally, he whispers, “What’re we doing, Piper?” His lips are still wet and pink and a little swollen from kissing, and she barely hears the question—she’s too busy thinking about kissing him again, about pulling his plump bottom lip between her teeth, teasing and…  “Kissing,” she says finally.  “What do you want?” he asks, sinking to his knees in front of her. And if that alone isn’t an answer to his question… “Whatever you’re willing to give,” she replies. It feels like she’s wanted this forever, this and so much more. Once she got the idea in her head, it’s hard to know if she ever felt differently, ever truly thought they could just be friends. Or, if in the back of her mind, in the dark corners that she never lets see daylight, she always knew she wanted Namjoon. Always knew she loved him.

—and everything goes right out the fucking window.

Namjoon sits with those words for a moment. Scans the paper in his hands and frowns a little when he confirms what you already know. “The rest is, uh. Porn.”

“That is why we’re here.”

“Last chance to back out.”

“I’m not scared,” you lie. “Are you? You’re the one who keeps stalling.”

He huffs. “You’re a pain in my ass,” he retorts, and then nothing is all that funny anymore.

Because Namjoon was right: the rest is straight-up porn. He’s barely able to read the part where he goes down on you with a straight face, turning a deep shade of crimson. Stutters through the part where you pull his hair, and that is not something you needed to know about your friend. You think he loses his grasp of language entirely when he reads, “When he slides a long finger into her and brushes past her most sensitive spot, she arches into him and lets his name fall from her lips in a soft cry. Piper, notorious skeptic, is a babbling, trembling mess as she gets closer to her orgasm,” because all the words are garbled together, producing nothing but gibberish. You think he’s ready to keel over and die when he reads, “Namjoon pulls away briefly, lips slick with her juices, and licks over his top one, pausing to tell her how good she tastes before he dives back in.”

“That was nice of them to include. I appreciate their attention to detail in regards to my personal hygiene.”

“This is so embarrassing,” he whines.

You roll your eyes good-naturedly. “Gimme. I’ll finish it.” He hands over the papers immediately.

Except you regret it immediately. The words you’re staring at are not words you ever thought you’d read or recite in your entire life. Not even for a million dollars. “Oh,” you say instead.

“See? Not as easy as it looks.”

“This is really embarrassing,” you confirm. “I might need another shot.”

“Y-yeah. Alcohol sounds good.”

Namjoon staggers forward obligingly, looks completely fucked out and pliant, willing to do whatever she asks. She remembers the sounds he made when she pulled his hair, wonders if he likes being bossed around, if he wants her to tell him what to do, to be a little mean to him. Maybe it’s different from her dreams, maybe he will beg her. She wants him so badly, she’d do anything for him. So, she pulls his briefs down to expose his absurdly large member, already mostly hard, and slaps it. Gently at first to see how he’ll react, and when he shudders and jerks his hips, she does it again, a little harder. “Look at you,” she whispers, “such a needy boy.”  He whimpers at that, eyes pleading. “Please, Piper…” he whines.   “Please what?” “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. She wants to, wants him so much, wants to feel him stretch her open, and from the looks of his cock, thick and long and drooling with precum, he could. “Should I?” she asks. She musters all her confidence to keep the condescending tone up. It feels wrong given how desperate she is to get him inside her, but it also seems to be getting him worked up and equally as desperate. “Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”  Namjoon’s cock twitches, and he begs, “I—I’ll fuck you so good, Piper…. I know how, I promise. Just… please?”

“Oh my god,” the two of you say in unison.

You so badly want to ask if this is biographical. How Namjoon feels about a little degradation; what he’d do if someone actually called his cock stupid. Ifsomeone has called his cock stupid. You dare a glance at him and conclude that someone’s had to. Namjoon just has that kind of energy.

But you can’t ask because it’d be weird, so you keep reading.

“How do you want me?” she asks softly when their lips part. There’s a wild look in his eyes, like he’s processing all the possible options out of everything he’s considered. And then it occurs to her. “Have you imagined this before? Thought about how you’d fuck me?” she teases him as she stands, stepping into him. Piper pushes one hand through his hair, brushing it back off of his forehead and wraps her other around his dick, squeezing a little for emphasis on her words. “Yes,” he groans as she strokes him, thumbing at the head of his cock. “Tell me what you want, then. Want me on all fours for you? Want me to show you how it’s done, to let you lay back and ride you so you don’t have to put in any work?” Namjoon’s breathing is getting heavy, pupils blown wider with each suggestion. 

“I told you!” you shriek, laughing in between the words. “I told you I’d…” And then your gloating tapers off, because what happens next has your brain malfunctioning.

“All of that,” he whines as she lets go of his hair and brings her hand down to run a fingertip over his perineum. “Want all of that. Want to bend you over the table and fuck you right here. Hear your sounds in the microphone.” Even in her dirtiest thoughts about him, she hadn’t considered the microphone, hadn’t considered recording it. When she thinks about it though, it makes sense. Namjoon is exactly the kind of person that would get off to someone’s voice. So, she does. She makes a show of turning around and slowly bending over the table, sliding her upper body across it carefully until she can reach her microphone and turn it on. When she says into it, “What’re you waiting for?” she sees over her shoulder the way that Namjoon shivers.

This is… not good. You’re never going to be able to look at a microphone the same way, which is extremely not good for a person who supplements their income with a very popular podcast that requires them to speak into a microphone for extended periods of time.

This is very, very bad.

Namjoon must be thinking the same, because he lets out a strangled a-haaa that’s less of a laugh and more a plea to God, the gods, the entire gamut of higher powers that might be able to save him. No one’s going to, you think, staring down at the paper again. This godless piece of fanfiction will be preserved on the internet forever, will be seared into your mind forever, and no amount of praying is going to erase it.

“I should, uh. Just read the rest, yeah? Get it over with?”

“Mhm. Yep. Yes, please.”

Don’t say please, you almost say. You can’t take it; not after what you’ve just read.

So you put on a show. Steel your expression and your nerves and take it seriously. Use voices and sound effects and desperately try to stave off the awkwardness you know is inevitable because a smut fic is probably only going to end one way, and that’s with you acting out Namjoon having an orgasm.

Maybe you’ll have another one, too, if the author is nice.

It’s sweet, she thinks, the way he’s easy for her, takes his time with her. Strokes his fingertips along her sides and kisses the back of her neck reverently. As much as she loves it, part of her hopes he’s not always like this—hopes he’ll give as good as he takes, hopes he’ll put her in her place. She can feel his cock hard against the cleft of her ass, not even inside her yet, and still, she thinks about next time and the time after that. “Still okay?” He breathes into her ear as his tip rubs against her cunt.  “Yeah—want you, Joon.”  “Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”  “I never thought you’d record them,” she teases, eyes glancing up to the flashing light showing the mic picking up all of this as he starts his slow slide into her.  Piper falls even further forward when he bottoms out, letting her forehead rest on the table. He’s whispering filth in her ear, about how he has something to prove, how she’ll never want anyone after this, how no one can fuck her the way he does.  She hates that he’s right.  Each stroke brings a new sensation: sparklers, butterflies, nerve endings on fire as he fucks into her and licks and sucks at her neck, her shoulders, her ear. Piper can’t even think, and this is what people mean when they talk about being fucked stupid, she decides.  It’s perfect.  Every time she thinks she’s getting close again, he changes something: fucks her a little shallower, moves his hips just a little, slows down, speeds up… It’s driving her crazy.  “Come on,” she whines. “I’m so close…” At least she can tell he is, too. No longer able to sustain the dirty talk, he’s breathing heavily, letting out broken moans and sighs of her name. He’s moving rhythmically now, thrusts consistently faster.  “Oh, fuck, Piper,” he groans, “Gonna cum.” One of his hands finds her clit and he rubs careful circles over her, bringing her to her peak along with him, no more teasing.  When she comes, it’s with a loud moan into the studio mic, and that seems to be what tips Namjoon over the edge, too. His hips stutter into hers as he comes, her cunt clenching around him for what feels like forever.

You deserve an award, you think. An Oscar. You didn’t even groan when you had to read the word “cunt,” and that’s a feat in and of itself.

“Is it over?” Namjoon asks, words muffled by the hands covering his face.

“Not quite,” you answer. “There’s some aftercare, and at the end you ask if I’ll piss on you.”

Namjoon gags. “I asked you what—”

“Today’s episode has been brought to you by Stamps-dot-com—”

HOLY SHIT THE NEW PATREON EPISODE???????? Posted by u/pod-shipper 4 minutes ago NO WAY. NOOOOOOO FUCKING WAY DUDE THERE’S NO FUCKING WAY THEY DID THIS AS AN ACTUAL EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT HTE FUCK WHAT EHTU FKF DFGLKDG;L (+705) I wasn’t sure if they were messing around before, and I was quite critical of the “shippers,” but now I’m pretty convinced. (+423) ↳ we’ve been telling y’all for YEARS 😤 (+197) ↳ Glad you’ve seen the light, u/RandomAcorn2058! (+5) ↳ ugh. they weren’t messing around before and they aren’t messing around now. do you guys not listen to what they say? namjoon’s been dating, and piper got out of a six-year relationship just over a year ago. if they’ve had something going on for “years” that means they’re both cheaters, and that’s a really shitty thing to assume about them. not to mention it makes the entire point of the podcast moot. (-63) Why do you guys think Jungkook “wasn’t allowed” to be there? (+314) ↳ So they could fuck lmao it’s so obvious (+329) ↳ because it’s awkward af? would you wanna read porn about yourself w all your coworkers in the room? (+2) ↳ the “it’s awkward” excuse is sooooo lame he’s the one who found it and is the one who edited the episode, he’s gonna see it regardless. (+15) ↳ Tbh I’m more curious about how he even found it to begin with? Do they have a throuple thing going on? Like, why was he looking for smut fic about his bosses? (+38)

You do not get through recording unscathed.

You are very scathed. Perhaps the most scathed a person has ever been.

Jungkook texts the group chat sporadically throughout the week, cracking jokes and making memes at your and Namjoon’s expense which is par for the course and shouldn’t have you off-kilter, but something inside you feels deeply wrong. Feels like someone’s given you devastating news; feels like it used to back in uni when you knew you’d failed an exam and were just waiting to see how badly.

It both helps and doesn’t that the internet is so invested. All the clips Jungkook keeps posting have re-doubled your Patreon numbers, and jumping up a tax bracket never hurt anyone, you included. But all of those jokes and memes largely went unanswered by both you and Namjoon, still too close to the incident to find the humor in it from the other side.

The two of you had sex.

Not literally, of course, but you figure you might as well have with the way you’re feeling. The way you’re avoiding one another. Someone wrote a story about the two of you having sex and you both read it and something about that, days later, feels really fucking unsettling.

In a bad way? You aren’t sure. It’s not like you’re mad or upset or any other synonym. You just feel… off. Itchy from the inside out, and that’s far from the norm in your and Namjoon’s friendship. In all the years you’ve known one another, you’ve never once avoided each other, including the time you’d set him up with a close friend and he showed up 45 minutes late to their date and ghosted after.

(Unsurprisingly, that friendship had not lasted.)

Maybe it’s because Yoongi had always been there as a buffer. You aren’t of the belief that men and women cannot be platonic friends, but being in a years-long committed relationship nixed a lot of awkward interactions and assumptions off the bat. Even Namjoon had known Yoongi first. Had introduced himself to you in your shared 100-level psych course with a, “Hey, you’re Min Yoongi’s girlfriend, right?” because they ran in the same underground circles and Namjoon had idolized him from afar for years.

Pretty fucked up, then, that Yoongi’s off in Los Angeles with his hot new boyfriend and you’re on your couch, Holly at your feet, pointedly ignoring your texts.

“I’m gonna get a cat,” you say to the dog, trying to redirect his attention when he starts chewing on your sock again. Holly doesn’t offer any input, of course, and he’s a lot like his father in that way. “I can’t believe you have a stepfather. You’re a proper child of divorce now, Min Holly.”

There are a pile of unread texts you continue to ignore in lieu of showing Holly pictures of adoptable cats. A few more memes from Jungkook, one from Namjoon’s new phone asking to move the recording date a few days because “something came up at work,” one from the food delivery service you admittedly use too much offering 10% off your next order, and two from Yoongi. This reminded me of you, the first one says beneath a picture of an ice cream cone on the ground, and another one of him holding a water gun that says send me a picture of my son or else.

You eventually reply back with a picture of your middle finger, Holly nothing but a blurred brown blob in the corner of the frame.

That’s how it goes for the better part of a week. Namjoon’s work issue lasts four days. He doesn’t offer an explanation and you don’t ask for one, you just wait for the all-clear text and try to quiet the nerves once you get it.

You’ve never been nervous to see Namjoon before.

The more popular the podcast became, the more money rolled in. The more money that rolled in, the more you could afford nicer things. That meant going from recording in Namjoon’s living room to a bona fide office space. Third floor, an expanse of windows and natural light, thirty-five minute commute by train.

Today, it feels more like thirty-five seconds.

You can hear Jungkook’s witch cackle from the stairwell, and your mind fills in the blanks of Namjoon’s exasperated sigh. It helps, your brain reminding you that you know these people. You know this is Jungkook’s late gym day, so he’ll be in a pair of sweats and a hoodie that drowns his frame. You know that when Namjoon has work issues and feels like an inconvenience, he always shows up with two boxes of baked goods from the bakery near his place, and you know both of them will save the best donut for you.

So you walk in and Jungkook’s in a hoodie and sweats just like you expect him to be, and there are two boxes of baked goods next to the coffee machine. Both of them say hello and wave and, for all intents and purposes, everything is normal.

Except it isn’t.

Because Namjoon looks… different.

Not in a bad way. Not in a bad way. He almost always dresses nicely, always looks polished and put-together, usually because he’s either going to or coming from campus—fitted shirts, either of the tee or dress variety, and earth-toned cardigans; tailored trousers that are sometimes corduroy; polished loafers. Sometimes, if he’s feeling extra casual, a stark white pair of tennis shoes.

Today, he wears none of those things.

No, today torture comes in the form of form-fitting jeans and a t-shirt a little oversized so he can roll the sleeves. His hair is brushed back off his face instead of parted down the middle. He’s wearing gold jewelry that glints in the sun. A pair of off-white Converse high-tops. And, much to your horror, he’s also wearing his glasses.

According to the internet, Kim Namjoon is peak husband material, which you can usually ignore, but not when he’s wearing glasses.

You avert your gaze, convinced you’ll burst into flames if you stare too long, not to mention Jungkook will notice and that’s a ribbing you’d rather die than take. So you avert your gaze and pointedly ignore Namjoon, who’s talking about his work crisis to no one in particular. Something about a co-worker going on an unexpectedly early paternity leave, and Namjoon being asked to cover some of his courses until they could find a more permanent fix.

Jungkook asks a question you don’t catch. Because paternity leave means his co-worker and his partner had a baby, presumably via old-fashioned methods, and it’s not a direct mention of sex but it’s close enough to send you into a coughing fit you have to blame on your donut. Neither of them buy it, but Namjoon is a good enough person to look genuinely concerned. Reaches out, probably to slap your back, but the thought of him touching you is just… too much.

So he barely gets out an, “Are you o—” before you choke down whatever’s left in your mouth and cut him off with a, “Yep, all good!” before you’re scurrying off to the opposite side of the room like a little rat.

It doesn’t get any better.

Both of you are so stilted and awkward during recording that Jungkook has to be the voice of reason and call it, suggest trying again tomorrow. Luckily he has enough b-side stuff he can release if need be, Namjoon’s work emergency providing a decent cover, and he sends the two of you home for the afternoon with all the exasperation and incredulity of a disappointed parent.

Thirty-five minutes back home.

Thirty-five minutes to sit in the embarrassment of not being able to do your job. Thirty-five minutes to catastrophize and wonder what you’re going to do if you can’t get it together. Namjoon will keep the podcast, of course; you’ll be replaced with someone else. Maybe someone less cynical, maybe someone more, but undoubtedly a man. After this mess, you can’t imagine Namjoon would want another female co-host.

But as embarrassed as you are, your traitorous brain keeps thinking about Namjoon.

Thirty-five minutes to think about his glasses and his rolled-up sleeves and the way the denim of his jeans contoured perfectly to his thighs. Thirty-five minutes to think about, “Please let me fuck you,” he begs. Thirty-five minutes to squeeze your thighs together and overanalyze the way he stumbled over his words today; how he could barely make eye contact. Thirty-five minutes to draft a dozen resignation texts and delete them all.

You groan, head thunking against the train window. You’ll take a cold shower as soon as you get home.

That’ll cure you.

You get home and walk Holly so long he gives up halfway through and you have to carry him back to your apartment. You take a cold shower and actually find it pleasant once the initial shock wears off, so it doesn’t work to keep all your rogue Namjoon thoughts at bay. You make a simple dinner and don’t think about Namjoon sitting you on the counter and having his way with you. You tuck yourself into bed far too early and consider going back to therapy, because clearly something very, very bad has happened to your psyche.

Needless to say, nothing cures you.

But it’s a new day, and you’re determined to get your shit together. Yesterday was a fluke, because you’re so normal and so capable of being in the same room as Kim Namjoon.

Except—you’re not.

Jungkook’s there when you arrive, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. Barely looks up at you to say hello, and barely returns it when you do. You double-check the time, because you can count on two fingers the amount of times you’ve shown up and Namjoon wasn’t already there, jotting down extensively-detailed notes, circling and highlighting and chasing down Jungkook to ask questions.

“Where’s Namjoon?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Dunno. Not here.”

You roll your eyes. “Super helpful, thanks.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes right back. “You don’t pay me enough to also be his handler.”

You bite your tongue. Arguing with Jungkook means you’ve already lost the war. Not worth it. But it still eases your worries a bit that he doesn’t know any more than you do. That Namjoon hadn’t only texted him to say why he was running late because he didn’t want to—or couldn’t—talk to you.

So you wait. And you wait and you wait and you wait. Jungkook lets you talk to people on his dating apps and tells you about his new gym routine until your eyes are glazing over. Orders food delivery for the two of you because he gets hungry after an hour and had already eaten what was left of the snacks before you arrived. Cracks a joke that isn’t really a joke about calling the police, because Namjoon still hasn’t shown up and he hasn’t said anything and none of your texts are showing as delivered.

You’re halfway to hour two when the office door bursts open and Namjoon stumbles through, soaked with sweat and stammering over apologies.

“I am so sor—I broke my phone again so my alarm never went off and then I missed my bus? And apparently they’re not running the regular bus schedule today so the next one was a half-hour wait, but then I…”

You don’t catch the rest, because Namjoon is covered in sweat and breathing heavily and a week ago you could’ve survived this. A week ago you would’ve cracked a joke and handed him a towel and told him to get to work. A week ago you would not have been paralyzed in your seat, transfixed on the sweat rolling down the side of his neck.

You are fucked beyond belief.

Jungkook elbows you in the ribs, bringing you back to reality. “...even paying attention?” You startle, face warming in embarrassment. Namjoon still isn’t looking at you. “This is so sad to watch,” Jungkook mumbles, and thankfully it’s only loud enough for you to hear. “Like some stupid shit you only see in nature documentaries.”

Well, you can’t really argue with that, now can you?

But you’re a professional above all, so you hum an acknowledgment and take your regular seat. Pointedly ignore Jungkook. Wait for Namjoon to assume his position as well, and you’re surprised to see the space in front of him empty. No notes. No script. There’s just… nothing.

“Are you okay?” you ask, gesturing to the space in front of him when he seems confused. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a stack of notes in front of you.”

“I forgot them.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you do that, either.”

Your tone is light and airy, not at all accusing or confrontational, but Namjoon’s jaw clenches nonetheless. He scoffs, fires a shitty little, “Were you not paying attention when I was talking about what a horrible fucking morning I’ve had?” at you that makes even Jungkook flinch. A few moments of stunned silence, and then, “Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, that was rude—”

“Yeah, it was,” you agree, and all of a sudden you feel too big for your body. Feel like there are ants beneath your skin, feel like everything is wrong, and you don’t want to be here anymore. “It’s fine. Let’s just—”

Namjoon looks like he wants to argue, but he just sighs and says, “I—yeah, okay.”

This is where Namjoon would usually launch into the intro, a dimpled smile already plastered on his face that’d drop as he discussed another failed first date with that brand of self-deprecation that makes him so endearing. This is where he’d say what have you been up to, Pipe, and you’d try not to groan because how hard could it possibly be to add one more letter, another syllable, but Namjoon seems incapable of it. This is the part that, for three years, has been seamless and easy and instinctual, just two friends having a conversation.

There’s a red light on your microphones that indicates you’re recording. It’s on and it mocks you, because Namjoon is not doing the intro or telling you about a failed date. He doesn’t use that cringey nickname. He doesn’t say anything at all. His mouth opens and shuts and no words come out. What’s worse is that you know exactly why he can’t speak, because you’re thinking about it, too.

“So, uh,” you begin, and Jungkook makes a gagging sound from behind you. “Come here often?”

Namjoon ignores you. “Right, right, the intro…” He sucks in a breath. “Welcome back to another episode of Put Him in the Trash, I’m—”

“Joon—”

“Namjoon, and my co-host here is—”

“Joon, that’s not—”

“Piper. Wait, why are you looking at me like that?”

“That’s not the name of our podcast.”

“Huh?”

“You said Put Him in the Trash.” Namjoon just blinks. “It’s Place Him Gently in the Garbage.”

“Is it? Since when?”

“Since forever?”

He looks at Jungkook, who is hiding behind his hands. “Is she right?”

A beat of silence. “I can’t do this,” he half-shouts, half-whines. “Are you two going to be like this forever? Because if you are, I’m quitting. I’m so serious. I’m gonna quit. I can’t take it anymore. The two of you are insufferable.” Another beat of silence, before Jungkook stands at full height and lords over you and Namjoon. “Forget today. Just go home and try again on Monday. This is so—I’m seriously gonna quit.”

Yoongi comes on Saturday afternoon to pick up Holly.

Yijeong isn’t with him, which is almost disappointing. Now that he’s dating again, you were looking forward to seeing just how awkward it could get with the three of you in the same room, but he looks good. Refreshed. The trip clearly did a world of good for him, and you can’t even bring yourself to crack a joke at his expense.

He, however, has no such hang-ups. “You look like shit.”

“Weird way to say thank you.” You click your tongue and look down at Holly. “Do you see how your father treats me? You should bite him.”

“My son would never. But also, thank you.” He flops onto the sofa. “You do look like shit, though. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not with you, preferably.”

“Oh, gross, is it a dating thing, then?”

“I—no.” You pause. It’s not a dating thing, but you still feel like you’ve got motion sickness whenever you think about it. How would you even begin to explain this to Yoongi, anyway? Someone wrote a porn fic about me and Namjoon. You remember Namjoon, right? Namjoon, that I’ve known and have been friends with since college. Yeah, that Namjoon. Anyway, someone wrote fanfiction about us having sex, and it fucked me up so bad I can no longer be in the same room as him.

No fucking way.

“You look like you’re holding in a fart.”

“You know, I’m getting really sick of you. Did you just come here to insult me?”

He snorts, but his smirk dissipates a few seconds later, a familiar seriousness filling the void. “We’re okay, right? Was the Yijeong thing too soon?”

“No,” you answer immediately, leaning over to flick him on the forehead. “We’re fine, and if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.” He still looks doubtful. “You want me to start singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ or something? It’s just… weird work stuff.”

“Depends. Are you singing the Dolly Parton or Whitney version? And real work or podcast work?”

“Podcast work, and obviously the Whitney version.”

Yoongi seems surprised by this, eyebrows disappearing beneath his fringe. “Like, the podcast with Namjoon?” He presses his tongue into the fat of his cheek when you nod your head. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think that was possible.”

“Like I said, it’s weird. It wasn’t, like, an argument or anything.”

“How weird?”

“You’re so fake, Min Yoongi. You act like you’re so distinguished and above drama, but really you’re just as hungry for gossip as the rest of us.”

He shrugs. “I’m not denying it.”

God help you, you’re going to rip off the band-aid. “Someone… Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Someone… wrote? Fanfiction? About us.”

“About you and Namjoon?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god—”

“About us… uh. Having sex? Specifically.”

“Oh my god—”

“Jungkook found it and thought it’d be funny if we read it for an episode.”

“Oh my god?”

“So we did? And it was really weird, which I expected, because I’ve known Namjoon for a long time, and I never, ever thought about having sex with him because we were together and me and Namjoon are friends, so yeah, it was fucking weird. But now… I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about it? And now we can’t even be in the same room as one another.” Yoongi is a concerning shade of red. “So our show is gonna get canceled, because we can only release b-side stuff for so long until people realize something’s up, and it was Namjoon’s podcast to begin with so obviously I’ll get fired—”

“Oh my god, you want to fuck Namjoon.”

Yoongi sounds like a strangled cat when he says this, which does not help the way you feel like you’ve been hit square in the face with a frying pan. “No,” you argue, though it sounds more like a question. You do not want to fuck Namjoon. “No, no. No. It’s just because it was weird.”

“Did you forget I dated you for six years? I know what you look like when you want to fuck someone.”

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t be weird if someone wrote fanfiction about you fucking your friend?”

“Not if I didn’t actually want to fuck them, no.”

“You’re a liar. Get your dog and get out of my apartment.”

Yoongi laughs as he stands. Pats you on the back in the most condescending way you’ve ever had someone pat you on the back. “Let me know how it goes. No need to give me credit for your moment of horny clarity.”

Min Yoongi is a bastard.

Unfortunately, as you come to find out, he’s also a correct bastard.

You want to fuck Namjoon.

Which is… not great, you have to admit, considering he can barely stand to be around you, so you take another cold shower and decide you’re going to take this to your grave. You’re going to spend the rest of the weekend getting your shit together, and you’re going to show up on Monday and be a consummate professional. You’re going to look at Namjoon and say, ha ha, isn’t it so funny someone thought we would have sex? I don’t think about it at all because I am so cool and normal about it.

You’ve got it all planned out. You’re going to show up fifteen minutes early with your own box of pastries. You’re going to look nice, if not a little pretentious—maybe a nice sweater. You’re going to be prepared with notes of your own. You might even be nice to the villain of the week so Namjoon doesn’t have to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh at you.

And then someone knocks on your door.

You find Namjoon on the other side, and all your plans immediately go to shit.

Has he always been this tall? You can’t remember. You can’t remember a lot of things, including how to speak, because Yoongi had launched you into a crisis of epic proportions and now here’s the source of it, standing right in front of you. With all of his… height. And thighs. And that heady, musky cologne he always wears, that you can still smell now even though there’s an unfortunate amount of distance between you.

“Uh, hi.”

You blink. “Hi,” you parrot, and it’s a little insulting how one single word seems to have sucked up all of your brainpower. “Namjoon,” you tack on, not awkward at all.

“Sorry to just show up,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck. Very bad idea; makes his biceps bulge. You barely swallow your whimper. “It’s just—my phone’s still broken, and it felt bad leaving things how we did? So I was hoping we could talk.”

Talk. Namjoon wants to talk to you. Normally: not a problem. Currently: big problem. You manage a nod, open the door wider to let him in, and you don’t think about how jarring it is to have Namjoon in your space. You don’t think about how your legs feel like jelly all of a sudden, or what it’d be like if Namjoon bent you over the couch, or the kitchen counter, or the—

You cough. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Oh, sure. Maybe just some water if you have it.”

If you have it. What kind of person doesn’t have water? But you tell him to make himself comfortable and get him some anyway, and you mull too long over the size of the glass. Ultimately decide on a smaller one, because if things get unbearably awkward you can excuse yourself to the kitchen to get more.

“I haven’t been here in a while,” Namjoon says from the living room, and when you look up he’s sorting through a stack of books near the window. Some he’d lent you months ago, notes jotted in the corners, sticky notes in the shape of sea animals on important pages. “You ever wind up reading this?”

The Idiot. Namjoon had raved about it when he was in the midst of his 19th century Russian phase, right after he’d read a bunch of Tolstoy and Pushkin. You shake your head—though, judging from the title, you wonder if someone hadn’t written your biography.

“It’s good. If you have the time, you should definitely give it a shot.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say, handing over his water. You take a seat in an armchair, pull your knees to your chest. Namjoon’s still looking through your books, isn’t looking at you, so it feels safe to say, “You wanted to talk?”

“Yeah.” He moves to sit on the floor, massive thighs spreading until he’s comfortable. Thank god he can’t see the look on your face. “I just wanted to make sure we’re alright. Things have felt pretty weird since we filmed the, uh.” He coughs. “Thing.”

“Right, yeah.” You realize he’s waiting for an answer, and you offer up a very rushed, “We’re fine, Joon.”

“Are you sure?”

Yeah, you’re sure: sure you absolutely cannot be having this conversation in the safety and sanctity of your own home. It’s tainted now, contaminated by all your uncontrolled horny thoughts about the man in front of you. You’ll have to fumigate. Might have to pick up and move, actually, or call an exorcist.

“I’m sure,” you assure him. “The… thing… was weird, but it’s fine. Temporary.”

“Do you think we shouldn’t have done it?”

That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Because, in isolation, reading a porn fic about yourselves wasn’t a big deal. No one got hurt. Everyone who needed to be consulted was consulted. The episode made the two of you a lot of money, and Jungkook even promised to send some of it to the author, so your bases are beyond covered.

So, should you have done it? There wasn’t a good enough reason not to, because the story itself was never the problem.

The problem is staring you right in the face. It’s sitting on your floor, a book cracked in half at the spine and forgotten in his lap. The problem is looking at you like you hold all the answers to the universe’s secrets, and it’s no small thing to be looked at like that. The problem is that Namjoon is looking at you like that from across the room but you’re wondering what it’d look like from on top of you.

The problem is that you’ve co-hosted a podcast with Namjoon for three years, have known him even longer, and you’ve just realized today that you want to have sex with him.

And you can’t say that, can you, because Namjoon came here to fix things which really does not lend itself to a hookup. Namjoon cares about your friendship and your working relationship so much he came here to try and salvage it, so you’re going to keep your mouth shut. You’re going to say, “I think it’s okay that we did,” and leave it at that. Because it is okay.

Because you’re the problem.

It feels like a small victory when Namjoon sags in relief. When he exhales and says, “Okay, good, because I think so, too.”

“It made us a lot of money,” you tack on.

Namjoon’s eyes widen as he laughs. “Right? Like, that was almost too much money. Just to watch us read porn?”

“About ourselves. I think that was the selling point.”

He stands. You do, too. “Never thought I’d be doing that,” he says, returning the book to where it belongs. “Definitely the most embarrassing thing I’ve done for money.”

“Being a man with a podcast wasn’t embarrassing enough?”

He snorts. Gets closer to the door. “Hey now.” You’re going to survive this. “Thanks for entertaining me, by the way. For a second there I was really worried we’d fucked it all up.”

Just the ending. Just one more thing to say and you’ll be done with this, and then you can take your third cold shower in recent memory and triple text Yoongi with a full-fledged mental breakdown. Maybe he’ll bring Holly back and you can register him as your emotional support animal.

And Namjoon must sense the awkwardness that’s crept back in, because he tries to cover it with a joke. Says, “Haaa, like you’d actually piss on me, right?”

Except it sounds like he’s got a mouth full of marbles.

It’s no wonder you mishear him.

Because he says like you’d actually piss on me but you hear like you’d actually kiss me, and there isn’t a universe that exists in which the following makes sense: you, stunned into silence in the doorframe, Namjoon saying his goodbyes, you thinking fuck it, last chance and saying, “Yeah, I’d kiss you.”

Namjoon stops dead in his tracks. “What?”

Your entire body is on fire. “Is, uh. Is that not what you said?”

“I don’t think it matters anymore what I said.”

“I’d argue that it does, for the sake of my digni—”

“You’d kiss me?” Namjoon… doesn’t look put off of the idea, which is surely a point in your favor. Interesting to note that his diction is crystal clear, now. Bastard. “You’d kiss me right now?”

There’s also no explanation for the way you say: “It’s only been an option for ten seconds and you’re already begging for it?”

You’d say there’s no explanation for the way Namjoon’s jaw clenches, the way he repeats I don’t beg for anything, but maybe the simple fact is: the two of you want to fuck each other. And, judging from the way Namjoon crowds your space, keeps dropping his gaze to your mouth, it seems very likely to happen.

All that fixating you’d done on Namjoon’s thighs was wasted, you think, as you take in the shape of his mouth. His lips. The way his tongue darts out to run along the bottom at the last second before he reaches out, tilts your head up, and finally presses his mouth to yours.

And you’ve got to laugh, because no piece of written fiction could ever accurately portray what it feels like. How soft his lips are. The way he touches you—gentle, but still dominant enough to have you moving the way he wants, have you backing up into your apartment so he can smile against your mouth as he closes the door behind him.

No piece of fiction would get it right, the way you’re unsteady on your feet, breathless at the way Namjoon’s kissing you. How he only breaks apart long enough to ask where do you want me in that throaty, deep voice of his. How you’re so overwhelmed you can’t decide: unsure if you want to waste the time it’d take to get to your bedroom, but if it’s only going to happen once, wanting to make it count.

So you decide to risk it. Plant your hands in the middle of his exceptionally broad chest and push him in the direction of the hallway, and if the two of you can’t wait, can’t control yourselves, well.

But the story had gotten one thing right: Namjoon does kiss like a branding iron, hot and greedy. Namjoon kisses you like there’s nothing else he wants to do in this lifetime, and it makes you dizzy. Has you off-kilter, stumbling into the wall as you try to remember where the fuck your bedroom is and why it’s so far. Just like the fictional version of you, you also moan when he licks into your mouth.

“Should I do it the way we did in the fic?” Namjoon asks as the two of you cross the threshold into your bedroom, a cheeky grin on his face. “Do it like this?” he questions, pushing you gently until you’re on the back in the middle of your bed, chest heaving as you lift your head to look at him.

Namjoon is so, so big from where you lay, just hovering at the foot of your bed. Cheeks ruddy, bulge prominent. “What’d you say you wanted?”

Takes a second to remember how to breathe, let alone what you’d read. What do you want, Namjoon had asked, right before he’d sank to his knees in front of you. “Whatever you’re willing to give,” you answer.

Namjoon smiles. Puts one knee on the bed, and the way it dips beneath his weight is unsettling. Why does he have to be so fucking large. “That’s right, baby.” Christ, you think, because there’s another thing that fic had gotten right. No one on earth would be immune to Namjoon calling them baby in that tone of voice.

The riposte biting at the back of your teeth gets swallowed whole as Namjoon grabs your ankles and drags you to the edge of the bed. “May I?” he asks, hands poised above the waistline of your leggings. You nod, and Namjoon drags down your underwear with them. “Fuck, look at you,” he groans, awe creeping into the edge of his words.

“You want me to do it the same way? Hm? You’re being awfully quiet; thought you were giving me shit about being the one in charge,” he chides.

Because you’re short-circuiting. Namjoon’s on his knees, just like you’d envisioned, and his mouth is dangerously close to your cunt. How can you be expected to think and speak under these conditions? But if Namjoon can find the brainpower to be a bastard, so can you, because what you’d read and the way he’d reacted can both never be forgotten. So you thread your hands into his hair and pull. The resulting moan is enough to sustain you for years.

“Are you gonna keep running your mouth, or are you gonna make me come on it?”

He blinks. “Jesus Christ.”

There’s precedent. Fictional Namjoon ate you out like a man starved, like he couldn’t get enough. Had fictional you writhing and insatiable, so it’s a lot to live up to, but it doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He hesitates for only a second, giving you one last chance to back out before the two of you set every last boundary on fire, and then he’s settling between your thighs and making you see stars.

Now you know what it’s like. Now you don’t have to rely on fiction, and it doesn’t matter because it’d never compare to the way Namjoon feels as he works to bring you to your ruin. The way he flattens his tongue to lick long, thick stripes; the way his lips suction around your clit. The way it feels when he groans against your core. The way he says, “Fuck, you do taste good,” like that’s a completely normal thing to say. Like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s doing to you.

But you need more and Namjoon knows it. His mouth doesn’t leave your cunt for a second, but his fingers find your mouth, so you put on a show. Wrap your lips around them, suck on them the way he’s doing to you, make sure they’re slick. Namjoon groans again, doubles his efforts. Slides one thick finger inside of you and barely lets you adjust before he’s adding a second.

In an embarrassingly short amount of time, Namjoon has you unraveling. Presses incessantly on a spot that has your vision whiting out. Has you trembling, a little panicked as you say, “Joon, fuck—Namjoon, wait—” as it builds and builds and builds.

You might black out for a second, because you come to and Namjoon looks… stunned. He looks like he can’t believe any of what just happened, and you blink a few times, try to come back into your body, and when you regain enough consciousness, you’re extremely aware of the large wet patch beneath you.

“Um—”

“Holy shit.”

“Namjoon, that’s not—that’s embarrassing—can you grab a—”

He shuts you up with a kiss. Presses the taste of you into your skin, and all those silly protests die in your throat, because if Namjoon was needy before, he’s desperate now. Covers your body with his own, hips dipping down low enough to press his erection into the juncture of your thigh, and the weight of him is delicious. Has you fisting the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer, has you pulling it over his head, his pants following. Has your hands skimming down every thick part of his body until you reach his cock, hard and aching and slick with pre-cum.

“I need to suck you off later,” you say, done with overthinking. Time to just be honest, and Kim Namjoon has a dick you need to feel down your throat. “Remind me.”

He whines, thrusts into your hand a little harder. “How could I forget that?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t know if this would be the only time,” you answer. “Did you bring a condom?” Namjoon nods, fetches one from his wallet and rolls it on.

He hovers above you again. Looks nervous, all of a sudden, like he can’t tell his lefts from his rights. All out of sorts. You’re about to tell him it’s fine, you don’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to, don’t have to do anything at all, when he says, “It doesn’t have to be.” You just stare. “The only time.”

There’s a conversation to be had. You know that. Both of you clearly have feelings you need to talk about and sort out, but you reckon they can wait. They’ll still be there in the afterglow, in the morning. So you nod, say okay, Joon, and kiss away the insecurities that still linger.

You think about the fic. Think maybe Namjoon would appreciate it if you cracked a stupid joke, just like he’d tried to do earlier. “Has anyone ever called your cock stupid?”

He laughs, breath fanning against your skin. “No. Wanna try it and see what happens?”

Might as well. You try to remember the exaggerated tone of voice you’d used. Repeat the line—“Do you even know what to do with that big, stupid cock?”—and wait.

There’s a beat of silence, and then—

Namjoon swallows thickly. “I, um. Unfortunately, I think that really works for me.” You laugh. Pull him closer. Wrap your legs around his waist as he starts to move against you. Has jokes of his own. “Please. Please let me fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, laugh tapering into a giggle. “Do you know how?” Namjoon nods, looking all too much like a puppy eager to please its owner. “Do you promise?” He nods again. “Okay. Okay, come here.”

You expect him to move fast; expect the first time to be frenzied and a little awkward. It isn’t. Namjoon lines himself up and pushes the smallest bit inside, and then he’s leaning down to kiss you. Threads your fingers together, squeezes your hand. Pushes further inside and mumbles praise just beneath your ear.

It’s dizzying, the amount of care Namjoon handles you with. How soft he is. Does nothing to ease the discomfort of the stretch, the overwhelming fullness, but he talks you through it. Tells you how good you feel, how beautiful you look. Spills a lot of words you’d probably be embarrassed to hear and he’d be embarrassed to say if this was any other time, but in the heat of the moment it all just works to unravel you faster.

He bottoms out. “Okay?” he asks, and you’re rewarded with a dimpled smile when you say you are. Namjoon is a devastating kind of beautiful.

But, as he gives you time to adjust and you give him the all-clear, he also fucks like a demon. What once was hand-holding is now your wrists pinned to the bed, your body caged beneath him as he rolls his hips at a pace that has your eyes rolling back into your head. You’ve been deceived. Lured into a false sense of security.

It’s almost a shame this isn’t being recorded, because you want to memorize all the sounds Namjoon’s making. Want to hear them for the rest of your life. Don’t want anyone else to be the reason he sounds like this, and as he ups his pace and presses his lips to your neck, you don’t want to sound like this because of anyone else, either.

Maybe one of those times in the future, you can talk him into it.

Namjoon reaches down, rubs circles into your clit. Every time you think you might be close, he pulls his hand away, smiles like the devil. You let him have his fun for a while, let him think you’re keen to lie back and take it, and then you tighten your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back.

He doesn’t think it’s very funny. Looks up at you all bewildered. “What’re you—”

“You were taking too long,” you snark. “Figured I’d take matters into my own hands.”

“Yeah? Shit,” he says as you begin to move. “Fuck, baby, like that. Ride me just like that.”

You do. Don’t change a thing, because Namjoon’s cock is long and thick enough to hit exactly where you need it to. You can feel yourself clenching, feel yourself getting wetter, and the sight of Namjoon beneath you does nothing to stave off the inevitable. He looks even better than you’d imagined: skin flushed, eyes squeezed shut, head thrown back, sweat-slick. You want to make him cry. Want to give him the entire world. You will.

Namjoon thrusts at the same time you roll your hips, and that’s what does it. Has you crying out, has stars flashing behind your eyelids. Has you saying fuck, fuck, fuck as he drives you over the edge for the second time. Has you on the brink of oversensitive as he thrusts a few more times to chase his own end, almost delirious at the way Namjoon moans as he spills into the condom.

Has you swooning, just a bit, at the dopey way Namjoon smiles at you, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners.

“Was that okay?”

You snort. “Yeah, I’d say it was decent.”

“Maybe next time you could pee on me,” he jokes.

You whack him on the chest. “Sure. Or we could record it.”

Has you a little shocked at the way his cock twitches inside of you at the mention of it.

On Monday, you don’t wear a pretentious sweater.

When you stroll in, Jungkook’s already got the best donut shoved halfway into his mouth because he’s a shithead. He eyes you warily, probably hoping with all his hope that you spent the weekend finding God and getting your shit together.

And then he realizes you’ve got on Namjoon’s hoodie and he nearly chokes to death.

“What the fuck are you wearing—”

Namjoon appears at that very moment, and it’s so hard not to take credit for the way he’s glowing, the dazed smile on his face. But Jungkook notices, because Jungkook notices everything, and his gaze darts between the two of you: your hoodie, Namjoon’s face, your face. He opens his mouth, something inappropriate bound to spill out, but Namjoon beats him to the punch. “Ready?” he asks you, and you nod.

It’s seamless.

No hiccups, no awkward stuttering. Namjoon gets through the intro without a hitch, and it feels exactly like it used to. Just two friends having a conversation. It’s obvious Jungkook still wants to say something, but after suffering through last week, he stays quiet lest he makes it worse and sends the two of you back to the bad place.

“How was your weekend, Pipe? Do anything fun?” Namjoon rolls his lips, tries not to laugh.

So you play along. “No, not really, just some dog sitting. How about you?”

“Oh, you know me. Had another first date on Saturday.”

“Did you? How’d it go?”

“Perfect.”

It’s a blessing Jungkook isn’t filming this, because your eyebrows raise so far they nearly disappear from your face altogether. There isn’t even a hint of hesitation in Namjoon’s voice, and although you would’ve described it the same way, hearing him say it with such conviction has you a little stunned. “Wow. You gonna see her again?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, sharing a private smile with you. “I think I am.”

who the FUCK is namjoon dating Posted by u/pod-shipper 7 minutes ago This has honestly ruined my entire day. I thought all the stories he told about dating were a bit… Like, what kind of guy has a podcast about relationships but can’t seem to be in one? But you could just HEAR it in his voice how much he likes this woman he went on a date with over the weekend and I’m sick to my stomach. (+2195) ↳ bro you and me both 😭 i genuinely thought him and piper had something going on fr (+1302) ↳ Seriously might stop listening because of this! Any woman with self-respect would never let their partner host a podcast with someone they’re obviously in love with. If he gets serious with this woman, Piper will be gone within 6 months, mark my words. (+927) ↳ I wouldn’t worry about it too much! My cousin works at a really nice restaurant in the same city Namjoon lives in, and she said she saw this “date” on Saturday and that it wasn’t anything serious. (+788) ↳ Piper got a cat and Namjoon finally got a second date. Face it, it’s over. (+325) ↳ cannot believe him and piper aren’t dating.. do you think i should delete all my tiktok edits? (+4) ↳ this is unhinged lmfao i thought y’all hated piper? you’re in here bitching abt her being a “misandrist” every week and now ur gonna stop listening bc namjoon isn’t dating her? pick a lane and stay in it (-64)

Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, and reblogs/shares are always welcome! I appreciate you very much~ ♡

[heartfullofleeches]

Timid Reader: Gah!!!!! It's on the kitchen table! Aspen!....Get it, Aspen!

[Femboy Housewife Yan brushes the spider onto a newspaper and carries it to a window, ushering the small creature outside]

Femboy Housewife Yan: It's gone, dearest. Out of sight. Out of mind.

Timid Reader: T-thank you.... [starts to tear up] What have I become.... I'm a coward compared to how I was when we first met...

Femboy Housewife Yan: Darling! Don't beat yourself up like that. I love the shy you as much as the old you. Besides, we both know that wasn't the real you back then. Just like me.

Timid Reader: Yeah... You're right....

-

[Femboy Assassin Yan hisses as he's harshly yanked by his hair - hands bound behind his back]

Femboy Assassin Yan: Where are they? [spits out blood] If you hurt them I swear I'll-

Kidnapper: Relax. Your little pet ran into the basement when I broke in. I'll deal with them after I'm done with you....

Femboy Assassin Yan: Basement?.....

[The Basement door creaks open - Reader rushing out with a dented metal bat they batter against the intruder's skull]

Former Gang Leader Reader: You come into my house. [whack!] Attack my wife. [bang!] Force me to resort to violence. [crack!] I just want a normal life! Why can't you just leave us alone!

[Reader pants as they drop the blood and brain matter covered weapon - fat tears pouring down their cheeks as they untie their spouse]

Timid Reader: I-I'm so sorry you had to see that, Aspen. I knew it was too dangerous for me to get married.... Are you okay?

Femboy Housewife Yan - a dreamy smile plastered on his face: Just fine~ Heavens, that was better than sex, Darling... Though, you may need to carry me up to our bedroom now so I know for sure-

[taeghi]

in the flesh (kind of)

ghost hunter y/n gets called to exorcist a ghost out of a home, she expects the usual routine, but is instead met with heeseung—a mischievous ghost who’s way too charming, way too flirty, and definitely not ready to leave... not until he gets the thing he most desires.

PAIRING: psychic y/n x ghost heeseung

GENRE: smut!! i guess a bit of horror? lots of oral, spitting, biting, spanking, unprotected sex (plsplspls wear a condom), face sitting lmao, a bit of cum eating if you will

WC: 6.8k happy halloween 🎃 MDNI

the house in front of you looked as ordinary as ever. 

it didn’t look like one of those houses in scary movies. there was no sign of paranormal activity from the outside. 

you had been called to this house to investigate an alleged haunting here. they client said it was urgent too, and that you needed to get the spirit out quickly. 

you’re a psychic and you happen to be a ghost investigator, too. 

you pull out the client’s report and read through it; 

it started small, but it was always… wrong. i’d have female friends over, and they’d say they felt watched. they’d joke about it at first, until the jokes stopped. they’d leave my place unsettled, refusing to come back.

it escalated. i heard whispers in the night, a low, raspy voice calling my name. some of my friends even said they felt something cold graze their skin, like fingertips trailing along their arms and neck. it happens when they’re alone, especially in the bathroom mirror. they swear they see a face behind them, something shadowy with hollow eyes, just watching.

last week, a friend bolted out of the house, screaming that something had grabbed her arm, hard enough to leave a bruise. she won’t speak to me anymore. this thing – it doesn’t just haunt; it targets. i don’t know why it hates them, but it’s getting bolder. please… i need it gone before it decides that’s not enough.

you sigh as you finish re-reading it. the rest of your investigative team were called to a larger house with a previous client, leaving you alone with this emergency client. all alone as a woman with a spirit who allegedly targets women. 

you roll your eyes, just your luck.

you start your way up the ordinary pathway to the ordinary house, and find the spare key to the house under the mat, where the client said it would be. you slip the key into the lock and push the door open; it creaks as it widens. 

from your point on the outdoor step, you look into the house. the inside is seemingly as normal as the outside. the grand foyer in front of you is made with dark wood and you can see the sunlight peering in through the glass stained windows. 

you step inside, closing the heavy front door behind you, and a deep silence settles around you. the air feels dense, pressing close to your skin, but there’s no immediate trace of energy. you begin your usual inspection, running your fingers along the dark wood walls, pausing every so often to feel for any lingering presence. your fingertips drag across the furniture in the living room, the marble countertops in the kitchen. your senses are on high alert, but… nothing. not a single trace of energy. 

you check off the first floor on your checklist and slide it back into your bag. the basement and second floor are still left. the client mentioned there may be an attic, but he’s never been up there and doesn’t know how to get there. 

you make your way to the spiral staircase in the foyer, placing a hand on the ornate banister. instantly, a faint, buzzing vibration hums beneath your palm. it’s subtle, barely there, but unmistakable. your pulse quickens, and you grip the banister tighter as you ascend, focusing on the sudden, faint energy. 

maybe there is paranormal activity here. 

as you reach the top of the staircase, the air seems colder, biting at your skin, and it’s so silent you can hear the ringing in your ears. the hallway stretches before you, dimly lit from the afternoon sunshine, with shadows pooling in every corner. 

you turn down the hallway and find the bathroom from the client’s report, its door slightly ajar. the second you step inside, a wave of heavy energy washes over you, prickling your skin. you can feel something in the bathroom, the remnants of something. 

your fingertips graze over the sink countertop, trying to fully grasp the energy that is lurking out of sight, watching you. 

you stare into the mirror, half expecting to see someone else’s reflection staring back, but there’s only you—your eyes wide, the unease settling like lead in your stomach.

you take a step back, trying to shake the feeling, when a loud creak pierces the silence, echoing down the hall. you jump, heart pounding, and whip around to see a door at the end of the hallway slowly inching open, as if beckoning you.

you know it’s in there. 

your heartbeat thunders as you approach. halfway down the hall, a framed portrait catches your eye: a family, frozen in time, but the mother’s eyes… they look wrong. her painted gaze feels too aware, following you as you move. you look away, only to hear a faint, raspy whisper echo down the hall, saying your name. the sound slithers through the silence, almost mocking, and you spin around, 

but there’s no one there.

you almost laugh at yourself– you’ve been in worse situations than this, yet a little creak and, probably the wind, scare you. so, you continue your way to the creaked open door. 

just as you reach the open door, a sudden, sharp cold rushes past you, chilling you to the bone. your skin prickles, and you swear you feel fingers graze your shoulder. the air fills with the faint scent of something metallic, like rust or old blood. your throat tightens, but you push into the room, only to find it empty – just an old bedroom, frozen in time.

then, a loud slam rattles the door behind you, sealing you inside.

you immediately start to dig into your bag for sage and a lighter, pulling it out and trying to light it. from the corner of the room, you hear a soft, almost playful chuckle. your breath catches, the hair on the back of your neck stands up as you realize… you’re not alone.

you spin around, eyes darting to the shadowed corner where the chuckle came from, and freeze. there, half-hidden in the darkness, stands a man. his silhouette is tall and imposing, dressed in old-fashioned clothing—a loose white blouse with the top few buttons undone, revealing a sliver of skin beneath, and black pants that hang loosely around his frame. the shadows surround his face, but you can feel his gaze locked onto you.

your fingers fumble with the lighter, hands trembling as you try to spark a flame against the bundle of sage. it clicks over and over, each failed attempt magnifying the icy dread pooling in your stomach. your throat tightens, and you can barely swallow.

you keep trying to spark a flame when a deep voice cuts through the silence. “you know that won’t work, so don’t even bother with it.” his tone is smooth, calm, and almost amused.

before you can react, the sage flies out of your hand as if it’s been ripped away, slamming against the nearest wall before falling to the floor. you jolt, heart pounding, and look back to the corner—but he’s gone. the space where he stood is empty.

“over here.” the voice comes from right behind you, and you spin around, breath catching in your throat. he’s standing inches away now, close enough that you can make out every detail of his face. despite the fear tightening in your chest, you can’t help but notice he’s… handsome. dark, intense eyes watching you closely, his expression unreadable, but somehow captivating. every instinct tells you to run, but his gaze holds you frozen in place.

the man’s gaze sharpens as he studies you, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “so you really can see me, huh?”

you nod, unsure of what else to do, your throat dry.

“hm,” he hums, tilting his head as he takes you in, intrigued. “i’ve never met someone like you. i mean, i’ve sensed people who can feel my energy before, but never anyone who can actually see me.”

“right,” you stammer, forcing the word out past the lump of nerves in your throat.

his smirk widens, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “your name is y/n, right? after your great-grandmother?”

you feel a flicker of shock but work hard to keep your face neutral. stay calm, you tell yourself, steadying your voice as you say, “yes. what’s your name?”

the man starts to wander around the room, his fingers trailing over the dusty, ancient bookshelf, his expression thoughtful. suddenly, like a whisper in your mind, a name appears: heeseung.

“heeseung?” you murmur, testing it out loud.

he stops, looking over his shoulder with that same smirk, eyes gleaming. “wow, your powers really are a talent, y/n.”

“t-thank you,” you stammer, your voice barely steady.

heeseung stands up, moving to the window and glancing outside as the last light fades, leaving the sky dark and heavy. “let me guess,” he says, sounding amused, “the man of the house called you to exterminate me?”

you nod, trying to keep your composure. “yes, heeseung, exactly.”

he chuckles, turning to lean against the window with an easy, almost playful smirk. “he’s so pathetic. i was just trying to have a little fun.”

your mind flashes back to the client’s report. “you targeted women? left a bruise on one of them,” you remind him cautiously.

heeseung laughs, loud and sharp, his eyes glinting with amusement. “please, y/n, i didn’t leave a bruise on her… at least, not the kind of bruise i enjoy leaving.” he pushes off the window, closing the distance between you in a few strides. “i just like scaring people. and women, well, they’re the easiest to frighten.”

he stops right in front of you, his gaze boring into yours, making it hard to breathe. “can you feel me, y/n? if i touch you?”

you shrug, trying to ignore the way your heart pounds. “depends on how strong the energy is.”

heeseung quirks an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eye. “may i try?” you hesitate, the thought of a ghost’s touch sending a shiver down your spine. heeseung senses your distaste, “i’ll be gentle, i promise.” 

before you can think better of it, you nod. “yes.”

heeseung’s smirk softens, and he reaches out, placing his index finger gently on your shoulder. the touch sends an electric jolt through you—it feels as real as any human’s, but you can feel your skin vibrating and humming under his touch. he drags his finger down slowly, tracing over your shoulder and down your side with a feather-light pressure that makes your skin ignite. his touch doesn’t stop until it rests at your waist, and he finally pulls away, leaving your skin tingling in its absence.

you’ve never felt anything like it before. 

“that felt so good,” he says, his voice laced with surprise. it’s as if he can’t believe the sensation, and for a moment, the amusement fades. “i haven’t felt such energy since i’ve been dead.” he examines his finger closely, as if he’s trying to grasp the lingering warmth it held. you wonder if it still hums for him like your skin does for you.

“how long have you been dead for, heeseung?” you blurt out, unable to stop the question before it slips past your lips. as you take in his clothes, you can’t help but think it must have been a while since he last walked among the living.

without opening his mouth, his eyes drift from the tip of his finger back to you, and you hear his voice echo in your mind: i don’t remember. you nod in understanding. 

you swallow hard before speaking again, the weight of the moment settling over you. “heeseung, you need to leave this place.”

he smirks and starts to pace around the room, giving you a breath of space that you didn’t realize you needed. “i knew that was coming,” he replies, the teasing lilt in his tone returning. 

“why do you want to stay here?” you ask, curiosity getting the better of you.

heeseung laughs, the sound rich and dark, and looks at you from across the room. “because the man of the house brings so many women over—so many beautiful ones. and he fucks all of them!” in an instant, he’s right in front of you again, his hands gripping your shoulders. the humming and vibrations return, electrifying your skin as he leans closer, intensity radiating from him. “do you know how long it’s been since I’ve felt the touch of a beautiful woman?”

it takes you a second to process his words, your heart racing as you feel the vibrations from his touch. he drops them back to his sides, the absence of his touch leaving you feeling strangely cold. “so long, y/n,” he sighs, a deep, heavy sound that echoes with despair. “at least i can watch the man of the house get some.” 

he moves away, flopping sideways onto the old bed, his feet still planted on the floor. he looks almost wistful, staring up at the ceiling as if searching for something lost. the room feels heavier now that you know what heeseung’s spirit seeks. 

your curiosity can’t stop you from asking, “i mean, can’t you have sex with like, other ghosts?” 

heeseung sits up on his elbows, looking at you like you’re an idiot, “it’s not the same, y/n. there’s no desire! no warmth!” 

“i see, but you can’t stay here, heeseung– you need to move o–.” 

“i’m not leaving!” his voice yells suddenly, you hear all the doors in the house start to rattle. your heartbeat picks up and you take steps back from the bed where the ghost layed. “i’m staying here!” 

you stop walking when your back hits the wall behind you, causing a small squeal to escape your throat. you glance back to the bed to see heeseung gone, the doors rattling stopped. you look around the room and you can’t see him anywhere. 

just great. you think to yourself, now the ghost you needed to remove is gone. 

“what’s just great?” a voice speaks in your right ear, causing you to squeak and jump to your left. you hear heeseung’s laughter fill your ears as you realize it was him. “see, i told you. it’s so easy to scare women.” 

you huff as you look at the ghost, “it’s’ not funny heeseung, you’re not welcomed here.” 

heeseung signs and rolls his eyes, leaning back against the wall you were previously up against. “i know, i know. but i have a problem, y/n, and i can’t leave until i get it fixed.” 

you think about his problem and how you could get him to leave so your client would be happy. 

have sex with him. 

the intrusive thought fills your mind, and you realize that it wasn’t your thought, but heeseung’s. you glance up at him with a scowl on your face– the opposite as the smirk on his own. 

“please y/n!” heeseung whines, stepping away from the wall and walking up to you, “if you have sex with me then i’ll leave here, and the man of the house can be happy and you’ll get paid.” 

you open your mouth to disagree but heeseung starts speaking again, not wanting to hear it, “please y/n, just think about it.” he walks even closer, closer than ever, and places his hands on your hips. his thumb staying still on the exposed skin of your lower abdomen from where your shirt had ridden up. the vibrations from his touch course through you again. “just a simple touch makes it feel this good for you, imagine how’d my touch feel as i taste your pussy– as my cock stretches you out– i know you haven't been touched in a while, y/n. your poor pussy,” heeseung tuts and you can’t argue with him, it had been awhile. but to sleep with a ghost? you weren’t so sure about it. his touch does feel so good, so electrifying, you do wonder how’d it feel on other parts of your body. 

have sex with him. have sex with him. have sex with him. have sex with him. have sex with him. 

“okay! fine!” you consent loudly, “enough!” his voice echoes through your head over and over again.

“perfect.” 

then, heeseung is pushing back against the wall, your body trapped in between his and the wall. his hands fly to your body, wanting to feel all of you all at once– the touch was electrifying. his lips pressed into yours, roughly. they worked against yours quickly, his tongue licking your bottom lip, demanding for entrance. when you open your mouth to let him in, his tongue isn't shy from exploring your mouth. your tongues fight together as your lips are rough against each other. heeseung gives you no room to breathe, his lips are just attacking yours, sending vibrations all around your body. 

heeseung pulls away, his hand staying on your jaw as he looks down at you. your eyes are already dazed, your lips are swollen and wet and your chest is heaving roughly. he smirks at your lack of composure, his thumb grazes your bottom lip gently. 

“wanna see what else my mouth can do?” heeseung asks with a teasing tone. you quickly nod in response, wanting and needing more from him, more than you ever expected. heeseung presses a rough kiss onto your lips again before he kneels down on the floor, unbuttoning your pants and pulling them down alongside your panties. he helps you step out of the clothing before he’s spreading your legs apart and staring right at your exposed pussy. 

“fuck your pussy looks so fucking good,” heeseung literally moans out, staring at your pussy lips that are starting to leak with your juices. 

before you could respond, heeseung dove in between your legs with you still standing against the wall. he licls you completely from the front of the back. he started sucking on your sensitive clit, swirling his tongue around your entire pussy. 

your whines quickly filled the empty house. you looked down between your legs where heeseung was knelt on the floor, his eyes staring at your face as he flicked his tongue over your clit which you could only describe as heavenly. the way he was staring at you so intently made your pussy wetter and wetter. 

heeseung’s fingers found the entrance of your drenched pussy, teasing it as his lips continued to suck on your clit. he sunk two fingers in at once, moving them in and out as he ate you out. 

“h-holy shit, heeseung,” you moaned loudly, arching your back off of the wall behind you. heeseung kept licking your now swollen clit, fingering your pussy faster and faster. the sounds coming from between your legs was so sinful. 

heeseung curls his fingers inside you, searching for your g-spot to touch. his fingers were long, being able t o reach deeper inside you than even your fingers had. your pussy walls were starting to tighten around his fingers as he found the right spot that had your knees buckling on either side of his head. 

“does that feel good, y/n? do you like having my fingers inside your desperate pussy and my tongue fucking your clit? is this what you’ve wanted for so long?” heeseung growls into your pussy, his fingers fucking harder against your g spot over nad over again. 

you gasp for air was the pleasure from his touch began to course everywhere through your body. the vibrations and humming on your skin where he was touching made it hard to breathe. you could quickly feel a knot forming in your lower stomach, quicker than you’ve ever experienced. 

“heeseung!” you screamed and suddenly you were cumming all over his fingers and face. your juices dripping all over him. you had never released this quickly or hard before, and you think it had something to do with his vibrating touch that courses through your entire being at every single touch he gave you. 

your body was shaking and spasming as the high rushes through you. his face was still buried between your legs until you stopped. he slowly pulled away, you can see his entire lower half was drenched. 

before you had even caught your breath properly, heeseung was pulling you to the bed and pushing you down on the ground before it. he sat down on it in front of you, undoing his own pants as he bit his lip and looked down at your already fucked out figure. your knees felt relief as they kneeled on the ground before you. your entire body still felt unstable as heeseung’s cock popped into sight in front of you. it was hard and veiny and it looked like it was about to explode without a singular touch from you. his size was definitely the biggest you had ever seen. 

“suck on my cock, y/n, be a good girl for me,” heeseung grinned down at you. 

you didn’t hesitate to lean down and lick a long stripe from his swollen balls to the tip of cock. you licked the base of it. heeseung groaned in pleasure and watched your actions with intense focus, like he wanted to remember every single detail of his moment. 

his cock was throbbing with the need of pleasure in your mouth. you felt yourself drool at the idea of how hot and heavy it would feel inside of your mouth. you wanted to please him so much. 

you continued licking his cock with your tongue, and you grabbed a hold of his balls with one of your hands. you squeezed and massaged his hard balls softly as you licked to the sensitive tip again. you took in the drops of pre-cum that were pooling and threatening to spill onto the floor. 

then, you took him completely into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down. 

heeseung moaned loudly and smiled to himself in relief as his head fell back on his shoulders. one of his hands found its place on your hair– making your scalp erupt with vibrations that encouraged you to suck him faster. 

your tongue swirled around his cock while you bobbed up and down. you could feel him sliding deeper and deeper into your throat. 

“fuck you’re such a good girl,” heeseung moaned before he started to help you move yoru head up and down by holding the grip of your hair tighter. you hollow your cheeks more and kept sucking to give him the pleasure that he had given you. 

your tongue swirled around heeseung’s cock as you bobbed around him. your hands gripped on his balls tighter and massaged them. his moans and grunts picked up pace quickly. you could feel his cock start to twitch in your mouth. the thought of him cumming turned you on so much, you wanted to see him squirm and moan your name as his cum shot out of his sensitive tip. 

“f-fuck, ok ok,” heeseung says, pulling you off of his cock. you whine out, upset that he didn’t cum in your mouth. 

he only laughs, “i wanna finish inside of you, y/n, just wait.” 

you bite your lip at the thought of his cum filling you up, you wanted it just as bad as you wanted it in your mouth. heeseung pulls you up from your knees, you’re still wearing your tshirt, and makes you sit on the bed with him. 

“take my shirt off of me,” heeseung demands. you shakily reach out your hands and unbutton each small button on his loose fitting shirt, you see him shiver slightly as your fingers graze along his skin as you undo every button until it’s wide open and showing his chest. it’s well defined and pale and cold like the rest of him. “your touch feels as good on me as mine does on you.” heeseung explains as he reads your mind. 

heeseung shrugs his shirt off his shoulders and drops it on the ground, leaving him completely naked in front of you. he looks beautiful. 

“you look beautiful too, y/n.” heeseung says, and it doesn’t surprise you anymore that he can read your thoughts. he reaches out and puts his thumb against your lips, wanting access inside your mouth. you open and allow his thumb inside. you suck on it, wishing you could do more. “fuck, i need to taste you again.” heeseung grunts and pulls his hand away as he lays down on his back. “c’mere, sit on my face, baby.” the nickname causes a stir in you, and you hurriedly do as he says. 

you place both of your knees on either side of his head, looking down in between your thighs you see his eyes, hungry and full of lust as he switches from looking at your pussy to your face. 

“it’s okay, just sit.” he encourages you, sensing your brief hesitation. he yanked you down harder against his mouth, making you fully sit against him. your body fully relaxes as you feel his tongue start to dart around your pussy again, already familiar. 

“oh god! oh fuck!” you cry out, your hands grip the headboard, needing support as your upper body felt weak from pleasure. 

heeseung went from moving his entire mouth back and forth, to left to right against you. he thrusts his tongue deep inside of you, wanting to taste every inch of your hole. then he went into sucking your clit into his mouth like his life depended on it. he was doing everything he could to please you, and you couldn’t even process it all from the pleasure consuming your entire body. 

“c’mon,” heeseung coaxes from underneath you, out of breath, “aren’t you a little slut, y/n? hm? gonna ride my face, baby? grab my hair– i like it.” he grabs your wrists from the headboard and guides your hands to his hair. 

you nodded, your hands curling in his hair, holding onto him. you relax back onto his mouth, his tongue going back to licking and sucking your clit. you instantly pull at his hair, needing something to hold onto as he holds you still and tongue fucks you. 

heeseung’s hands either gripped the flesh of your thighs, holding you in place on his face, or they alternated onto your ass, where he’d massage the flesh after he spanks it. he loves the cries you made everytime his hand made contact with your ass. he loved the way you were so into pain, just like he was. 

you were turning into a whining mess above him, and he loved it. he loved it so much more than he should’ve. 

“you like it when i eat your pussy, right baby?” 

you can only nod in response, the pleasure too overwhelming for you. all you can think about is his tongue circulating your pussy, making sure to touch every single spot. you start to swivel your hips against his face, without even thinking about your actions, just thinking about how fucking close you were to cumming. you couldn’t handle it, his touch that would send vibrations throughout your body, his moans into your skin, the way he was so intently looking at you. the pleasure was building so quickly you needed to do something. 

“fuck you’re so hot,”  heeseung mumbles into your pussy, “look at me, y/n– look how much your pussy has soaked me.” you manage to look down further, his nose, cheeks, chin and even his neck are glistening in the moonlight. it only makes you cry out, the sight turning you on more. you’ve never been so desperate to cum before. 

“are you gonna cum, baby? gonna come all over my face?” heeseung questions you, sensing how close you were, reading your mind and every single movement you made so easily, “please, i want you to so bad. i need it.” 

“f-fuck! yes! heeseung yes!” you cry, pulling on his hair harder, making him smack your ass harder. you needed something to hold onto as the huge rush of pleasure started to take over your body before you could realize it. 

he pulls  your body tight and snug against himself as your orgasm hits. a loud scream of his name escapes your lips as your body spasms above the ghost. his tongue not stopping at licking and sucking your entire pussy throughout it all. 

suddenly you felt a rush of wetness leave your body, your vision going blurry, your body felt like it was on fire. 

“oh fuck, yes!” you hear heeseung mumble, his head moving in a frenzy against your pussy. your cries don’t stop until the final, long wave of pleasure ends. 

your left practically hunched over on top of him, your body red and sweating with your chest heaving as you catch your breath. you don’t even feel heeseung gently slide out from underneath you and gently lay you do. 

“that was so hot, y/n,” heeseung moans, “i didn’t expect you to squirt.” 

the word comes out of your mouth and shocks you, you hadn’t thought you had done that. your eyes fully adjust to the room again and you see that heeseung’s entire chest and face are drenched in what could literally only be your juices. 

your hand covers your mouth in shock and almost embarrassment, oh my god, what have i done? 

heeseung suddenly laughs and reaches over to pull your hand away, “don’t worry, it was so fucking hot, i wanna make you do it over and over again.” 

“oh god, maybe not right now, i don’t think i could handle it.” 

heeseung only laughs at you, a full chest laugh before he leans down and meshes his lips against yours. you moan at the taste of your juices covering his lips and mouth. his hand is gently resting on your jaw, his thumb stroking your cheek as you make out. both of you needed a break from the pleasure, but still wanted to touch one another. your touch was addicting to him as his was to you. neither of you could pull apart for too long, needing the other’s touch again. 

“you gonna let me feel your pussy wrapped around my cock?” heeseung asks you, his voice in a whisper. 

“please,” you beg in a whimper. 

heeseung shuffles so he’s hovering over top of you, his hand roaming your body. he lifts up your shirt so it pools around your arms and neck, revealing your breasts. he starts to grind his hard length against your pussy, making you cry out. his fingers pinch your erect nipples. your back arches into his touch, wanting more. 

“you’re so sexy, oh my god,” heeseung growls, bending down to take your rosy nipple into his mouth. his tongue teases and suckles, alternating between gentle laps and firm tugs that have you writhing against him. 

heeseung suddenly spins you around, pressing your front down against the mattress. he nips at your neck, biting and sucking on it from behind. he leaves a trail of wet kisses, making you shiver. 

heeseung positions himself at your entrance, the broad head of his cock nudging your slick folds, “fuck your pussy’s drenched, can’t wait to feel it around my cock.” 

heeseung slides just the tip inside, so slowly, making you whimper, “please, heeseung, i need your cock inside me.”  a sudden slap against your already red and irritated ass makes you jolt and squeeze around his cock. 

“tell me how you want my cock.” 

“i want it so bad! i need it heeseung! please fuck me, please.” you couldn’t recognize your voice, the way it sounded so desperate and needy for him and only him. 

with a growl, he plunges deep inside of you, filling you in one swift stroke. you cry out as he stretches you, accommodating his large cock. “so tight, so fucking perfect.” he grunts, his voice strained as he holds himself still, letting you adjust to his size. 

“move, please,” you plead, pushing back against him, wanting more.

he obliges, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back into you, setting a relentless pace. the slap of flesh meeting flesh fills the room, mingling with your moans and his grunts. he reaches around, finding your clit, and begins to rub firm circles as he pounds into you. 

he pulls back, letting the tip remain inside your warmth and spits down, landing where your bodies connect. you moan out at the degrading action, your eyes rolling back into your head as you let him continue fucking you. he’s practically using your body to get off, you’re so weak and spent and needy, all you can do is lay there. 

everything is so wet and warm, your bodies tingling from each other’s touch. the pillow your face is resting on is soaked in your drool and sweat. 

“fuck,” you moan, long and drawn out, the whole bed moving with every single thrust he makes. his free hand that's not on your clit spanks your ass again and again, his imprint clear and profound. pleasure rushes through you, and you can feel the pleasure taking over you fully again. “c-close,” you whimper out, quietly as your throat is strained from your moaning and crying. 

heeseung’s hand leaves your clit and pulls both of your arms around your body so they are interlocked on your lower back, he grips onto your arms and uses them as leverage as he begins a brutal pace of fucking into your pussy. the pace knocks all the wind out of your chest, your moans breaking and splitting. his hips smack into your ass, the sound filling the room. 

“fuck you’re taking me so well,” heeseung grunts out, “like a perfect slut.” 

you can’t even respond to him, you’re too focused on feeling everything. it all blurs together and she still needs more of it and him. 

“fuck i’m gonna cum!” you whine out, your words muffled into the pillow, your head falling to the side so you can look at him. 

“wait, baby– i’m almost there.” heeseung says. he can feel you struggling to hold back your third orgasm. your warm walls are convulsing around him, milking him, begging him to cum deep inside of you. he groans at the thought of his white cum dripping out of your soaked and swollen pussy. 

“please heeseung!” you cry out, “can’t!” 

heeseung lets go of your interlocked arms, they fall limp to your side. he grips your hips and starts fucking into you from another angle, “fuck okay okay! cum for me baby, let go!” his voice is strained as he reaches his own orgasm at the same time you reach yours. 

your walls clench around his throbbing shaft as it empties his remnants inside of you. you can hear him swearing and his hips start to stutter. both of you can feel his cum mixing with your juices. 

your shallow breaths fill the room as you try to calm down from the strong and final orgasm you have. the air in the room is thick around your two tired bodies. you can feel heeseung start to pull out of you so slowly and gently, but you still wince from the sensitivity. 

“look, y/n, watch.” heeseung says to you, his hands help you guide you onto your back, your legs spread open still so you can see his white cum leaking out of you. “fuck,” 

your moan leaves your mouth as you watch the sight in between your legs. his saliva, your juices and his cum all mixed around on your pussy and inner thighs. 

heeseung can’t help himself but grab his softening cock and swipe it along your used pussy lips. the tip of it swiping across your clit has you crying out and gripping the sheet underneath you, but your eyes don’t leave his movements. 

he gathers his fallen cum off your pussy and onto his cock and he looks at you, his eyes still lustful as ever, “taste it.” 

heeseung meets you in the middle as you use the rest of your weak energy to sit up and open your mouth, letting heeseung shove his cock back into your mouth, this time with his cum on it. you moan around him at the taste of the salty substance on your tongue. you softly sucked on his cock, wanting as much as his cum as you could get. heeseung hissed above you from sensitivity, but nonetheless let you suck his cock again. 

he just couldn’t get enough of you. 

when he finally gets himself to pull out of your mouth, heeseung helps you wash up, his hands surprisingly gentle and warm for a ghost, guiding you through each motion until you’re finally redressed correctly. he pulls back the covers and settles you into the bed, a room that’s neither his nor yours, but feels oddly safe with him beside you. he stretches out next to you.

"your psychic powers are so interesting, y/n," he says softly, eyes tracing your face. you manage a tired smile, whispering back, "i know."

heeseung’s hand brushes against your cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. for a moment, you can feel his thumb lingering by your jaw, and your gaze locks onto his. but his smile fades, and something shifts in his expression, like a shadow crossing over his face.

"i guess i have to leave now," he says, voice low and final. "our deal is complete."

his words hit you like a wave, bringing you back to reality, grounding you in the truth you’d momentarily forgotten. heeseung is a ghost. you’re here to finish a job—to exorcize him from this house, to set him free. but as the realization sinks in, so does a strange, aching feeling in your chest, something heavy and unfamiliar. you’ve never felt this way before, not about a spirit, not about anyone.

you reach out and grab his arm, as if holding onto him could somehow stop him from slipping away. "don't go," you whisper, desperation lacing every word.

heeseung chuckles softly, shaking his head. "i have to, y/n. it was our deal. besides," he nods toward the hallway, "you have to go, too. the man of the house will be back soon."

reluctantly, you let your hand fall to your side, a hollow ache spreading in your chest as you watch him. "where will you go, heeseung?"

he shrugs, a ghostly smile crossing his lips. "everywhere."

you turn your face away, feeling the weight of everything you can't say pressing against you. you'll never see him again, never feel the electric hum his touch sends across your skin. the realization hits you hard—you have feelings for a ghost, and it’s breaking you apart. it’s not natural. 

heeseung reaches out, his cool hand cupping your jaw and gently turning you to face him. "you have a long life ahead of you, y/n," he says, voice low and soft. "don't get stuck in this part." you nod through the tears that fill your eyes, knowing he's right, but it doesn't make the goodbye any easier. 

"i’ll see you on the other side, y/n. i won’t forget you."

“i won’t forget you either, heeseung.”

heeseung's gaze softens, and he leans in, pressing a final kiss to your lips, a gentle brush. your eyes close, savoring the feeling. but when you open them again, you’re alone in the bed. 

you sit up slowly, glancing around the room. there's an emptiness now, a quietness that tells you heeseung is really gone. there’s no lingering energy, no faint presence lurking in the shadows. it’s just an ordinary house again.

you leave the bedroom and make your way to the front door, pulling out your checklist and marking off the final task. you scribble a quick report (leaving out the part where the spirit fucked your brains out). with a sigh, you click your pen closed and tuck everything back into your bag.

as you step outside, the cool evening air hits your face. you pause on the front step, glancing back at the house one last time. it looks as plain as you thought it did when you first arrived, but now it holds memories you know you'll carry with you for a long time.

taking a deep breath, you turn and start down the street, the soft glow of a lone streetlight casting long shadows as your shoes scuff against the scattered orange and yellow autumn leaves on the pavement.

heeseung is your only thought.

you wonder when you’ll see him again; unaware of his spirit watching you from the front step of the house you’d just left, a sick evil smile on his face as he turns and walks back into the house. 

@ taeghi, 2024. do not repost or reuse in anyway.

PLEASE REBLOG IF YOU ENJOY, AS LIKES MAKE IT HARD FOR WORK TO BE SPREAD AND ENJOYED BY OTHERS :)

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[rensylph]

Your newest post about yandere husbands got me thinking about how would they react if lets say a little divorce was to get suggested...By suggested I mean left on their office desk, ready to he signed as their precious (ex) wife is already out of the house

Even tho I'm not doing ask right now, this is too good to resist, and when I was reading this the song "divorce, beheaded, died" pops up

𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃

You leaving divorce papers on his table and leaving without a word , leaving him in the cold

Characters : ayato, diluc, kaeya, zhongli, alhaitham, wriostheley, neuvillete

Ayato

When he discovered the divorce papers and your stuff being gone, he may look calm on the outside but is mad at you as well finding it amusing, because the audacity of you leaving him or even thinking you have a choice of leaving he will send the shimatsuban to capture you quickly before you could leave inazuma and dock a ship to liyue harbor.

If you already have left the Nation, ayato would use overseas or send shimatsuban to kidnap you and send you back towards him, quickly the commissioner is not patient if his wife becomes a subject.

And when you were kidnapped back and was presented towards him with your hands being tied, he will look at you with disdain saying how he feels hurt by the stunt you perform and laughs at you for thinking you could leave, for now on your not allowed to wonder outside freely even in the estate, if you want to go out you have to go to ayato and you will be accompanied by shuutmasuban following behind you to make sure you will not run. Maybe he should put a baby in you to prevent you from leaving

Diluc

When he discovers the paper, he will be outside his offices and call for a staff meeting, he will question every maid and butler whenever they see you and what time did you leave, soon he goes out and ventures for you.

If your hiding mondstat diluc would knock on the residential your living in and command for your return immediately it's an order you have no choice, he will knock you out and carry you back on to dawn winery

The staff are commanded to not leave you alone or not letting you go outside of the room, he will use anything to keep you from living even chaining you in the basement when you try to run away again.

Kaeya

How amusing, he finds it hilarious, you leaving him. He thought you and his relationship was before I mean if you ignored how he basically forced you to marry him.

He manages to catch up on you half way journey, how the heck he manages to make it there much faster than you or how he knows that you were there in the first place is a mystery, he will drag you back on if you resist he knock you out

At home if you still tried to leave, kaeya will use his vision to freeze your legs to prevent you leaving, he will spoon feed and baby you and if you resist he reminds you he could break your legs since it's frozen and he will start to talk about children.

Zhongli

Bold of you to assume that you could leave him, the contract you were forced to sign prevents you to leave liyue borders as well works as a tracking device for you, the geo sigil behind your neck is a mark of ownership over you.

He will immediately ask xiao to retrieve you or any available Adepti to aid your search on you, it wouldn't take long before where you were taken to Mt aocang seeing your husband peacefully sipping tea as if this is just a small matter.

You will be imprisoned underground by your husband as punishment, since you are a half Adepti, he will keep you there as long you managed to learn your lessons, some days he will bring you food and entertainment for your time in the prison and if you managed to run away again he has no choice but to petrified you, turning you into a statue he could admire and you are still conscious when your a statue so you will be force to see your body being smothered and used by him and unable to do anything

Alhaitham

This is not what he was expecting a divorce papers on his desk as well your stuff being gone in your shared home. So he's gonna start to hatch a plan to where you may be and how to bring you back.

He finds you at Aaru village playing with the children, he already told the village chief he wants to bring you back since your not mentally well and is a danger towards everyone in Aaru Village so when he was dragging you no one bats an eye.

Alhaitham uses the Akasha system to trap you in your house by constantly shifting your mind to be an obedient wife as well as chaining your legs for you unable to walk.

Wriostheley

What is this everything was going so perfectly until you had to ruin everything, he leaves sigewine to handle the fortress while he searches for you in the surface world.

And when you were dragged back, wriostheley personality requested sigewine to create a Medicine that limits your way of thinking and you were forced to drink it everyday for you to be stuck in the fortress.

No one is willing to go against the duke he ruled over the fortress, even when you release cries of despair and it echoes in the fortress no one is brave enough to go against the duke, they just shut their eyes and mouth and continue on their work.

Neuvillete

Oh how sorrowful, everyday Fontaine will be plagued with the largest storm for a week until he finds you, focalors even make comments about the endless storm that has befall on Fontaine, the storm wouldn't stop unless you're by his side again. The gardemaks outside of Fontaine are task to find you.

And when you were back, neuvillete would immediately ask why would you leave him did he did something wrong to anger you causing you to flee from him while tears are coming out of him, he will interrogate your reason why are you leaving him, since he's the judge and ludex of Fontaine he rejects your request for a divorce. He even uses the melusine to guilt trip.

You will be trapped in your house and watch over the melusine and garde marks, you are on under strict rules of house arrest. He personally curses you to stay with him and is unable to leave fontaine.

[ceilidho]

take me home, country road

prompt: 1800s price/reader…. reader flees to his town where Price is the sheriff after a murder in her previous town only to be mistaken for the mail order bride that Price just sent for ….and he’s not interested in hearing any of her excuses when she tells him that he’s got the wrong girl (part 2) part 1

-

The solid hand at your back guides you through the dusty streets towards the courthouse in the middle of town. It’s not an easy walk. Your shoes catch on the skirt of your dress a handful of times in Price’s haste, each time almost causing you to tumble forward before you manage to catch yourself. 

It’s patently unfair. The strides of his long legs would easily have you losing him in a crowd were it not for the way he refuses to leave you behind; every time you so much as slow down a tad to catch your breath, the firm hand on your low back presses you forward again. You’d be snippier if you weren’t still addled from the events of just five minutes previous.

“I beg you, please—” you plead, heart skittering in your chest when you chance a glance up to find Price’s face set. Everything about him feels purposeful now, driven. “If you just—if you would just let me explain!”

“Nothing more to know, darling,” he says, not bothering to meet your desperate eyes. Clearly not in any mood to continue arguing with you on the status of your identity. 

He tugs you along when he takes a right turn down a road leading into the center of town. The belt of bullets around his waist rattles with every step. It’s a constant reminder of who you’re with and why you should not be with him. Every step feels like a step towards your own sentencing, like accompanying your jailer to your cell. It’s perhaps fool’s luck that the sheriff hasn’t inquired further into your identity or your reason for coming into town. Makes you think that perhaps there isn’t yet a warrant out for your arrest. Maybe that’s only to come. 

“Sure there’s more!” you insist. “There’s—there’s—” It’s like the words fly right out of your head, bucked off like a bronc rider. Too much has happened in too short a time. “There’s the matter of—oh, would you quit that, I am walking!” The last bit comes out snappish, peeved as Price pulls you towards the stone steps of a red-bricked building. 

The words County Court House are inscribed above the second-story door girdled by a wrought iron balcony. It’s a simple building, far from the colonnaded buildings from back home with their cupolas and hand-carved lintels. Even in size it hardly compares, a meager three stories with perhaps a basement. Still, it catches the eye in a town as small as this, by far the most imposing building for miles around.

It’s also the one he pulls you towards, hand moving from the small of your back to take firm hold of your waist. You flinch at the touch and the way his fingers dig in, almost proprietarily. It’s a physical shock to your system. While you’re not unaccustomed to the rougher ways of men, you’ve also been largely shielded from it yourself. By chance or fortune or luck. Men may take an attitude with you, as they’re wont to do, but none have yet manhandled you the way Price feels free to do. 

“Take a big step there now, darling,” he says, lifting the front of your dress for you a tad, to your shock. “No accidents before the wedding.” 

“The wedding?” you shriek, face heating at the heads that turn to look over at the two of you. 

The courthouse is bustling with townsfolk, still not as busy as in the bigger cities back east, but still clearly at the center of all business activities. The few people that pass you by on the way out of or into the courthouse are bold in their perusal, eyebrows lifting when they take notice of Price at your side—and how could they not, with the size of him and the badge pinned to the lapel of his vest that glimmers when it catches the light. 

“If you were expecting something grander, you should’ve turned up last month when I sent for you,” Price says, stern again. In the foyer of the courthouse, you can see the way the long hallway cuts through the building, leading into the adjacent rooms until finally culminating with the courtroom at the very back. You watch as a man slowly closes the door to the last door, shutting the occupants in. “Might’ve been more amenable to it then.”

“I’m not asking for a nicer ceremony—”

“Good, then you won’t be disappointed.”

“—but that’s because I’m not the woman that you intended to marry in the first place,” you finish, quieting to a hissed whisper, conscious of those still lingering close enough to eavesdrop. In all likelihood, the other people milling around probably already know that the sheriff has been waiting for his mail order bride to arrive. They wouldn’t be the first people to mistake you for her.

He pulls you into an alcove off the side of the foyer. When Price turns to face you, no longer just the heavy presence at your side, it takes a moment for you to gather your bearings. He seems larger somehow, with his arms crossed over his chest and feet rooted into the floor, drawn up to his full height. The hair on his forearms draws your eyes momentarily before he steps into your space, forcing you to meet his eyes again. 

He stares down at you with an intensity that makes you flinch. “Now, far be it for me to say that I know my wife-to-be by her demeanor alone, given that we’ve hardly corresponded beyond our initial agreement. But I find it mighty strange that a single, unaccompanied woman would show up in town with all of her earthly belongings as I’m expecting my own woman to show up any day. Hardly seems coincidental.”

“Don’t you think I would have sought you out if we were intended to wed?” you ask beseechingly. “Or that I would put up such a fuss now? What sort of bride would do that?”

“You want to know what I think, darling?” The timber of his voice deepens as he lowers his head slightly, wrapping the conversation in a layer of intimacy despite its public nature. There’s a darker note to his voice now, a thinly-veiled anger. “I think you’ve been keeping yourself housed and fed off the back of men like me and the money you’ve been sent to compensate for the rough journey. I think your guilty conscience brought you here because you know that the Lord doesn’t look too kindly on swindlers and thieves.”

“I’m not a thief,” you hiss in protest, affronted. Ironic that you’d be insulted by his words when the truth is far worse. 

“I’m sure you had your reasons,” Price permits, a reluctant softness in his voice. “But your conscience did you right. Marriage will suit you far better than a life of crime ever could.”

If only he knew. “You’ve still got it all wrong—I’ve never once even glanced at the matrimonial pages or the personals. And I certainly didn’t come to town expecting to be wed.”

You did, however, arrive in town with a guilty conscience. Even you’re wise enough not to mention that, though.

“Then if you're not her, who are you?” he asks. 

It’s clear from his tone that Price doesn’t believe you, but the question itself makes you antsier than even the thought of marrying this man. He still stares down at you in challenge, an eyebrow cocked. If you wanted to, you could easily answer his question and even furnish proof—a letter from an aunt or uncle or a telegram from a previous employer. 

That last thought makes your throat squeeze tight. You could furnish proof, but at what cost? You’re still unclear on how much information has been disseminated or whether you're a wanted woman. Though only weeks have passed since the event that caused you to flee in a haste, there’s no telling whether a warrant has been put out for your arrest, no telling whether word has reached a town this far west. 

“Not that it matters, but I’m from New York,” you say, scrunching up your nose. 

The look he gives you is unimpressed. “I’m sure you lost the accent on the train ride.”

Embarrassment makes you dig your heels in deeper. “I didn’t grow up there, it’s just where I’ve lived for the past few years.”

“And what’s your name?”

“…Elizabeth Smith.” 

It’s the first name that occurs to you, but the moment the words come out of your mouth, you can’t help feeling like you’ve made a huge mistake. Price must sense it too because he draws back up to his full height, lips twitching into a small smirk. 

“You have family or a post back in New York, Miss Smith?” he asks in a patronizing tone. 

“Family.” 

“Alright, then it shouldn’t be too hard to get confirmation and settle this whole issue.” He points behind you to one of the unoccupied rooms. “Telegraph’s office just behind you. We’ll get in touch with the Census Bureau and ask them to confirm your identity. And, if you are who you say you are, Miss Smith, then we can put this issue to rights.” 

Your blood goes cold. “That’ll—that’ll take time though. I can’t marry you today if they only get back to you in a week’s time.”

Price nods, his expression dissatisfied but resolved. “Wouldn’t be proper for you to stay at the house either, but I’ll make sure the inn lets you stay free of charge until this is settled. You’ll be in good hands under the Pattersons’ watch.” 

He doesn’t say it outright, but you hear the implication in his words. You’d be essentially under house arrest, perhaps free to move about town, but certainly not free to take the next train out. 

Your pulse thumps nervously at the base of your throat. Even swallowing takes effort now. The weight of his stare takes root in you, a living coil in your belly. No getting out of it. There’s no getting out of this. You don’t know why you thought you could, how you tricked yourself into thinking for even a moment that a man as formidable as the one set in front of you would simply give in. Let you go. You’ve hardly even moved the needle. 

It’s there still in his eyes. Not even doubt—something quite far past that. Certainty. 

“‘Elizabeth Smith of New York’, was it? Come, we’ll have them start the message and you can give me your birthday as well so it’ll be an easy find—” Price says, attempting to slip around you to head to the telegraph’s office. 

“No.” 

It slips out of you inadvertently, high and panicked. He pauses at the word. More than just your words. When you look down, you notice your fingers clenched in the fabric of his sleeve, bringing him to a halt. It pulls taut against the muscle of his forearm. 

Softness bleeds back into him at your touch. You can see it smooth out the lines of his forehead and the jut of his brow. He ignores the onlookers still hovering by the double doors to twist back to you, now obscuring their view of you. The breadth of his shoulders nearly blocks the rest of the foyer from sight when he looms over you like this. Down the hall, you can hear a gavel pound down on wood and a litany of raised voices in unison from behind a shut door. 

“You don’t have to make up stories,” Price murmurs, drawing a hand up to cup your cheek, holding it like a precious thing. “I told you before—all’s forgiven.”

His words remind you of being trapped in his office, drawers stripped down your ankles and skirt pulled up to your waist. Your bottom still smarts from the palm of his hand, still hot and sore to the touch. It’s hardly been long since then and yet it feels like an age ago, like trying to find your way in a dust storm. 

You open and shut your mouth, lost for a way out. Caught between a rock and a hard place. Marriage or a jail cell. You swallow. Both sound like a sentencing. 

But there are the cold, metal bars of a cell, and then there’s John Price. The first man in an age to elicit more than a passing glance from you. Deep blue eyes crinkled with the folds of old laughter, wide shoulders, and barrel chest. In another time, you think you would’ve jumped at the chance to be courted by a man like him. Keeled over at the very thought of being chased the way he hunts you down now. 

“Alright,” you say instead, giving in. The hand fisting his sleeve shakes. “Alright.”

It’s not a pleasant giving in. Your permission is handed over with shot nerves. The coil bunched up in your core burns white hot, hissing and spitting like a rattlesnake. 

Still, when he drags a thumb over the slope of your cheek, you fight not to let your eyelids flutter shut. “Good girl. We’ll make it work, love. Won’t be easy, but it never is.”

You don’t anticipate that it will be, but your mouth stays shut. Price must think you mollified, soothed rather than resigned to your fate, because he passes his thumb once more over your cheekbone, this time so tenderly that you wait for his lips to descend upon yours again, sure from the heat in his eyes that he won’t be able to keep from stealing another kiss. You lick your lips out of habit—not just to see the way his eyes follow the motion. 

Then the door at the back of the building bursts open to a cacophony of shouts and hollering voices. The moment broken, Price drops his hand away from your cheek, only to take your hand in his this time, pulling you down the hall towards the register’s to await the circuit preacher. He makes you walk on the side closest to the wall, shielding you from the men that burst out of the courtroom, surging towards the doors. You think that someone must have been found guilty because the lot of them look joyous, clamoring over each other for attention. 

You think that you might be spared another minute or two, enough time for them to clean up and reset the courtroom, but you’re shocked to find the circuit preacher ready to conduct the ceremony in the cramped register’s office. He and Price shake hands enthusiastically, the preacher turning to you to grasp your hands in welcome before turning back to the sheriff. They have a camaraderie that speaks of old friendship. 

The cramped room where you’re married smells of patchouli and moth wings, like holes burrowed into sweaters at the back of a closet. The bookshelves along the walls are stacked with books old enough that you know they’d crinkle deliciously if opened. You try to listen as the preacher begins the introductory prayer. Behind you, another man slips into the room, a witness. He hardly bothers to introduce himself for such a brief affair. 

You haven’t been to many weddings, but you always imagined that yours—if you were privileged enough to have one—might have more fanfare. The wedding you actually get is a brusque affair, a brief recital of vows that ends only when the preacher enjoins Price to kiss his wife. 

His wife. 

Your eyes go wide when a hand flattens along your spine and pulls you into a hard chest, John dipping his head down to kiss your mouth again. His kiss is less chaste this time, not restricted by convention as earlier. This time, his tongue licks hot into your mouth, like no kiss you’ve ever had before, beard scratching your face. His mouth tastes like something you’ve never had before, like heatburst. Hot and wet. Soft and suckling. Any kiss you’ve had before pales in comparison—juvenile fumbling, all dry and half-humiliated, unsure of yourself. Nothing like being kissed by your husband.

Your husband. 

He only pulls away when the preacher finally clears his throat, a tad embarrassed. You’re too dazed to feel the same, fingers still sunk into the lapels of Price’s vest, clutched there. It takes a moment for your brain to catch up and your hands to unclench. You feel Price tug your hands away and slip something onto your finger.

The few documents needing to be signed hardly takes any longer. You finally notice the man that had slipped in behind the two of you, a masked man even larger than Price, who nods at him before glancing at you only long enough for you to notice that his eyes seem curiously blank. 

“Thanks, Simon,” Price says as the man—Simon—signs under your names, but he only grunts. The ink is still wet when he leaves. 

“How was it so fast?” you ask absently, staring at the papers as the ink sits drying and the preacher takes his own copy before handing John his. 

“Everything’s practical out here, darling.” His hand holds you by the waist again, relaxed this time. Not worried about whether you might run. “Even the weddings.”

“You don’t…you don’t even serve dinner? Invite guests over? No gifts?” The questions are irrelevant, but you ask them anyway because it’s a way to focus on anything other than the preacher handing you the final copy of the papers and Price leading you back down the hall and out the doors. 

There’s a ring on my finger, you think, looking down. It sparkles when you twist your hand from side to side. Topaz, instead of diamond. 

“Maybe if you’d showed up on time,” Price reminds you. He no longer sounds upset about it, but it still seems to come out as an admonishment. 

You don’t respond to that. Perhaps you’re still shell-shocked, looking at the world through new eyes. It feels unreal that in the span of less than a day, you’ve been plucked up and married off, to the sheriff no less. The one man you would’ve tried your hardest to avoid crossing paths with. 

No chance of that now. 

“Where are we going?” you ask, still in a daze. The sun makes you squint when you leave the courthouse, making you miss the hat back in your room at the inn. Maybe you can convince Price to let you go back to collect your things.

“I think we’re due for a honeymoon, don’t you, darling?”

You go doe-eyed at that. When you look up, your husband is already smiling down at you, crow’s feet wrinkling at the sides of his eyes. 

“Let’s go home.”

[gatorbites-imagines]

Kinktober day 5

Kurt Wagner + Uniform Kink

Priest Kurt :3 Also talks of religious trauma.I know religious imagery hates to see me comin. Readers a visible mutant, inspired somewhat by Killer croc. Readers 8ft tall.

I know very little about catholic priests, the area I grew up was Lutheran. This also takes place at some point on Krakoa. This ended up being more story driven honestly, but I had fun writing it anyways. Not proofread, because I cant be bothered.

Kinktober 2024 masterlist

You had a strained relationship with religion, even if your entire family had been true to the faith. You may have been too, years ago, before your mutation manifested. Back when you had been nothing but their darling son, their gift from whatever god they worshipped, after so many years of trying. The gift just seemed giving, as your parents had more kids after you, giving you siblings.

You didn’t have many good memories with them. You got to hold the first two that were born, even play with them, but then your mutation started. It started out as patches of dry skin, something that could be treated with thick ointments and long baths. They’d thought it was a skin disease back then, and it had been winter, so it was all blamed on the dry weather.

It was harder to deny when the scales started appearing, and when you woke up to your gums bleeding from your new teeth growing in. your sobbing had awoken your mother, who had screamed bloody murder when she saw you. There weren’t many memories of that night, or the next couple of years at that. The human mind worked in strange ways, and yours decided to supress that part of your childhood.

All you remembered were flashes of coldness, of being locked away in what could only have been the basement. Of the churches priests and whoever else they thought might “cure” you of your “disease”. You remembered your father yelling about what he must have done wrong to gain a demon like you as his child. You remembered the quiet whispers in the kitchen at night, that you only were able to hear because of your enchanted senses.

You remember how your mother whispered to your aunt, that this was her fault. That you were the result of an affair, so this had to be God punishing her for her sins. You heard how more siblings were born, how they were told to stay away from the basement no matter what, and punished hard if they even went near it. There wasn’t much entertainment down there, your so-called parents only leaving you with religious texts and whatever else they thought might “save” you.

There was no want inside you to get out, even after what must have been years. Your mutation meant you barely needed to eat, to drink, or sleep. Most of your time was simply spent, listening to your family. Because of that, you learned the same things your siblings did because they needed help with homework, or you got to keep up with the news on the radio. You had accepted it.

It was only when one of your youngest siblings discovered you that it all crumbled. She was young, as small as you had been the day your dry skin started appearing. You knew her name, having heard your mother sing her praises because she had always wanted a daughter. And she wasn’t afraid of you. She spoke to you, sitting with her knees tucked under her chin, telling you about mass, about how God would love you anyways, even if you looked different, because he loved everyone.

But the good never lasts, and she was discovered by your not so shared father, and she was punished. Her screaming awoke something deep and feral inside you, a hatred you had never tapped into. Something that had you tearing your chains like they were made of sugar, your claws drawing deep gouges in the walls as you wrenched your way upstairs. The door split like paper under your giant clawed, scaley hand, the hand of a monster, a demon.

The noise you let out was like that of the demons of hell, something deep, snarling and terrifying. Your mother and fathers’ eyes widened in terror, your brothers, the two you got to hold, were terrified. The siblings that never knew you existed wet themselves or started crying in terror. And your sister. Your sweet. kind sister, was a curled-up bleeding ball on the floor, and yet she still smiled at you.

None of the family dared move as you picked her up, she was so small she fit in one of your giant clawed hands. You had never realized how big you were, but as you stared down at your parents with such hatred, it truly sank in. your father who had always seemed so big, as if he were God himself, trembled like a leaf because of you.

They didn’t stop you as you left, tearing the front door of its hinges with nothing but a small nudge, leaving it split in two in the front yard. It was night, and it was one of those white picket fence neighbourhoods, where you preached Gods love, but ignored how the neighbour beat their children bloody.

Having your sister die in your arms was what broke you, for a long time. You weren’t older than 20 at the time, you at least thought that was your age. And yet, you stood taller than any human man, broader and strong enough to tear buildings apart. And still you couldn’t save her. you wanted to rampage, to kill and destroy everyone and everything. But you knew your sister loved this place, even after they mistreated her so. So in the end you buried her somewhere nice, and left.

The brotherhood of mutants wasn’t a choice you thought much about taking. You were no hero, and by the time you learned about the x-men, there was already way too much blood on your hands and in your teeth. That was where you met Kurt, on the battlefield. At that point he was just an enemy, someone you could turn that deep burning rage against. Feed that blood thirsty demon in your chest, to make it quiet for a little while once more.

It took you years to learn more than that they were enemies, the x-men. Your pain must have been written on your face from the very start, even The Wolverine seemed to have a semblance of worry for you. But you didn’t care, you just needed to hurt somebody, and it was easy to run in the direction you were given and lose yourself to your demons.

There were times you would pray, times when you were alone and hurting more than normal. But it never felt like God answered. And why would he. You were a monster put on this earth to punish your mother for her sins, her very sins woven deep into your very being and fuelling you.

At some point you left the brotherhood. Even that wasn’t enough anymore to quiet your demons and pain. It had been years at that point, and Nightcrawler was still just an enemy who’d grown from a small annoying pipsqueak to a slightly bigger but even more annoying pipsqueak. That very furry blue elf had a knack for finding you, wherever you went.

Most of the time you assumed he wanted to fight, but Nightcrawler, Kurt, would just sit by you in his own contemplating silence. At times he talked, other times he was silent. Sometimes he sat close beside you, sometimes meters away. Him talking about his faith made your heart race, but knowing he too experienced pain because of his appearance helped, somewhat.

Time still passed, you still weren’t a good person. The x-men and mutant-kind settled down on Krakoa. You did not, at least not for a long time. You had settled down far away from everything, somewhere with a nice deep lake where you could sink to the bottom, and imagine you were in purgatory because you never thought you would go to heaven.

Of all people to drag you to Krakoa, you had never imagined it would be The Wolverine, Logan. He gave some big spiel about hating yourself ruining it all for you, trust him, he knew. At that point in your life, you didn’t care much, nothing mattered and everything was just a blur, the demon in your chest dormant and worthless.

Krakoa was nice, people even treated you kindly even after your time with the brotherhood. Your suffering must have been so obvious for them to just accept you with such open arms, thinking about it made you cringe. Kurt was still nice. He was older, had the starts of a moustache, and the garb of a priest.

Seeing the outfit made your pupils sharpen and your heart lurch, some deeply ingrained animal reaction. Hearing about the faith he ran, smoothed down some of your sharp scales, something that yes, had its roots in Catholicism, but was so much more accepting and kinder. The thought of being part of it made your mouth sour, but there was also no pressure from anywhere to join.

You and Kurt grew closer, over time. It was a slow and careful path, all your relationships on this island were. But Kurt was special, in the way he smiled, the way he smelled, the way you became so comfortable in his presence that he could sit on your shoulders. And the way you both grew so close, that it didn’t even fell like sin when he kissed you.

Kissing Kurt must have been what Adam and Eve felt when biting the apple, tempted by the snake to break the one rule they were given to follow. And yet, like Adam and Eve, you broke that rule anyways. Kurts’s fur wasn’t long, but it was soft to the touch, some areas longer than others and carrying a natural curl. The scent of sulphur and the incense he would use in his thurible, became what put the demon inside you to rest, for good.

And maybe Kurt was pavloving you a little. It wasn’t on purpose, you think. He would simply regularly wear his priest outfit, his alb, his chasuble, his stole and amice. And he would kiss you and taste like ambrosia, like something worth sinning for. Kurt would smell and taste so divine, and would touch you so lovingly. At times you were scared to touch, fearing you would hurt him too, but even then, Kurt taught you to trust yourself.

So, who could you truly blame for getting heated, whenever you got to watch Kurt dress himself. You didn’t have a tail like he did, but you did bury yourself in your giant shared bed and rumble deep in your chest like the reptile you shared features with. It seemed so sinful and sensual, even if it truly wasn’t his intention. To see how carefully Kurt draped fabric over his body, or how his tail would flick and make the light fabrics flutter. It made a whole never demon inside you yearn.

You didn’t want to dirty his outfit, shaming yourself for even thinking it. How sinful, how evil, how demonic. But it was yet another thing you sucked at hiding, to the point where the other x-men, your friends now, started making jokes that you churred whenever Kurt would flutter by in it.

You denied it, of course, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. And that didn’t mean Kurt hadn’t planned out how to give you what you both wanted. Which was how you found yourself laying back against your many pillows, Kurt in nothing but his alb and prayer beads in your lap, his three fingered hands against your chest.

It still felt so terrifying to indulge in those wants, even as you dug your claws into the bed as Kurt so slowly rode you, his hips moving at a pace that had your toes curling. Anything he did would have most likely had that reaction, but his soft accented voice cooing loving words at you, only served to leave you feeling more melted on the insides.

It was embarrassing how fast you finished. But who could blame you. You never had much experience, hell, you could count on two hands how many times you had ever touched yourself. It was no surprise you would cum so quickly, Kurts’s tail thrashing from side to side as he was filled more than he imagined possible.

His kisses were still just as sweet, as he worked himself over the edge too, dirtying his alb and your scaley stomach. This moment, Kurts’s act of dirtying his uniform himself, seemed to have been the only sign you needed, after that it was free game. He was the apple and the snake at the same time, packaged in blue fur and yellow eyes, his tail curling in coy ways only you knew how to read.

Kurt could never hate it, instead almost preening with pride as you finally let yourself indulge. Fucking him on the altar was a fantasy he had carried for a while, and when you finally did it the blue furred mutant almost passed out from how hard he finished, having to dig his fangs into his stole to keep from wailing at the intensity.

You would never step foot back into religion again, never to the extent where you could call yourself someone of faith, and Kurt would never force you. But you did end up going to Kurts services, on rare occasions, but that was more because you were excited for what would happen afterwards, after everyone else left. There was a demon in your chest, born from your family’s sins, fed by your own and nurtured to destroy. But Kurt tamed it, brushed its fur and held it close. There was a demon, and it was his.

[loveshotzz]

Hi hi babes 🖤🦇

May I pretty please request ☆ { licking } their neck to make them gasp with our Stevie?

Thank you 🥰

Hi my sweet sweet Drac 🖤 I would love nothing more than to give you what you want.

steve harrington x fem!reader

wc: 1.8k

warnings: 18+ Co workers to lovers, Mentions of drinking at a party, dry humping, hickey giving, uh-oh did you make Steve cum in his pants? :(

You weren’t supposed to give into Steve Harrington, you promised yourself you wouldn’t after your first day at Family Video when he laid it on thick with the kind of flirting that would have gotten him anything he wanted in high school but you knew better now and his own confidence had gotten knocked down a few pegs over the years. The problem was he could tell you liked it, because as much as you hated to admit it, you did. Steve caught the twist of your lips that you were always trying to hide when he’d tell you how cute you looked every time you walked into work even on the days it was just a t-shirt and jeans. You never told him to stop, even when he’d ‘jokingly’ ask you out to dinner after every close. It was always a shy smile and a roll of your eyes with a ‘shut up Steve’.

So how’d you end up straddling his lap in the basement at one of Rick’s parties that you didn’t even want to go to with his bottom lip between your teeth? You blame Robin Buckley and her incessant need to take multiple shots in a row to ‘get it over with’, and then abandoning you as soon as Nancy arrived leaving you with the boy you’ve been trying not to relent to and his reaction to your skirt all night.

Steve’s fingers dig bruising indentations into the soft dough of your hips when you let his lip go with a wet pop, watching it snap back into place even more swollen and pink than before from under your lashes. The mossy forest of his eyes is taken over black, pupils blown wide half hidden by heavy lids as he looks up at you with hair even messier than its normal disarray with your hands as the culprits. Your skirt sits rucked up just enough for him to see the blush pink lace of your panties underneath that match the dusting on his cheeks, and the wet patch that you know will leave a mark on the light wash denim of his jeans the more you grind against him. He lifts his hips up as he pulls you forward, gliding you over the inseam of his zipper with just the right amount of pressure against your clit to have you gasp. He feels even bigger than you imagined, bigger than all the stories you’d heard from other girls.

A cocky lopsided grin tugs at the corner of his mouth pushing up the cheek with the two moles that look like a vampire bit the apple of it, traces of pink from your gloss still linger on them and the glitter coating shimmers in the low light. He tilts his head back to look up at you, the thick expanse of his neck exposed along with the sharpness of his jaw. The new angle reveals a mess of freckles you’d only dared to let yourself look at from afar. Glitterless and bruisless, a blank canvas that taunts you.

Leaning forward your hands find a home on his chest, while his fingers spread wide over the curve of your ass. The tips of them daring to slide along the bottoms of your panties. His pecs twitch against your palms from under the thick fabric of his navy polo that fits snug over his broad shoulders, almost like it's a size too small just like his jeans and just like his vest at work. Steve Harrington knew what he was doing. Of course he did.

Tequila and pineapple are sweet on your breath, mixing with the peach of your gloss in a way that makes him impatient to collect them in a kiss again when the tip of your nose traces up the straight bridge of his. It leaves your lips just a chin tilt away from him if he really wanted but his dark eyes flick down to the growing wet patch between your thighs instead, grabbing handfuls of the soft fat of your ass to encourage you to grind harder.

“S’pretty you know that?” He groans bucking up when your hips oblige him, the tip of his cock fighting with the inseam of his jeans, pushing into the silk of your underwear making an even bigger mess of you. “Too damn pretty, honey. Could stare at you all day, fuck - I do.”

“Steve!” The way you giggle his name makes his teeth flash in the kind of smile that has you feeling like the flustered girls you see leave the counter at work.

“What? It’s true, can’t keep my eyes off you.” He sits up, straightening his back with big hands that pull you up with him.

The new position has your chests pressed, the length of him rubbing along your clit with enough pressure to make you whine and god does he need you to do it again. Grunting he starts his hunt for another with lips that find the hollow of your throat, smirking against your skin when your fingers tangle in his hair. You wanted to give it to him.

“I didn’t think you were gonna give me a chance,” His babbling doesn’t stop, especially when your hips start to circle, “you were playin’ so hard to get baby, but I’m patient when I really want something.”

“We work together Steve -“ You try to argue with a shaky breath, lashes fluttering closed as he nips at the sensitive spot behind your ear. The springs of the couch starting to squeak under your movements, too close to care about holding back any more. “It could get messy, you know? - Shit.”

He hums like he understands with your earlobe sucked into the heat of his mouth, letting it go with a pop before his eyes meet your heavy gaze with a mischievous glint that only stokes the flames he’s lit across your body, licking every inch of your skin.

“I don’t know,” The corners of his mouth twist up in a grin snapping the elastic band of your panties “seems pretty messy now.”

His tongue traces your top lip, while his fingers find purchase wrapped around your hips. Tan skin pulls taut over his knuckles using his strength to bring your hips down on him harder, a deep groan rumbling from his chest when you tug at the thick locks of his auburn hair from the roots.

“That’s not what I - “ Your lips connect for a moment, tongues meeting briefly before you pull away with a huff, “that’s not what I meant and you know it.”

The tip of his nose bumps with yours, his breath fanning across your face in a mixture of leftover peach gloss and the whiskey he opted for instead upstairs.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” He asks with another roll of his hips relishing in the way it makes your jaw go slack with a smirk, “We get paid to have sex? Big woop.”

“Is that how you think it’s gonna be?” Your bottom lip meets his top when the question comes out, your eyes meeting his from down the slope of your nose.

“Maybe,” He wiggles his eyebrows with a chuckle that hits hot against your throat, “If you want, after I take you out on a date of course.”

“Oh we’re going on dates now too?” Grinning with a tilt of your head, you think about stealing a kiss that he’s eager to give.

One of his hands leaves your hip, the warmth of it coming up to cup your jaw, the pad of his thumb tracing your bottom lip before tugging it down.

“Yeah, we’re going on dates”

He closes the little space between you, finally stealing what you’ve been teasing him with. His mouth moves with yours like he’s sure of himself, tongues meeting in a slow dance instead of a battle for dominance. His other arm wraps around your waist, biceps that are just as strong as they look pulling you closer, caging you in with another buck of his hips. The whine he’s been trying to get out of you starts to tease him from the back of your throat, the beginnings of it making his lips twitch against yours in a cocky way, even when he knows he’s dangerously close to needing a new pair of pants.

He’s not expecting one of your hands to come up and pinch the sharp edges of his jaw between two red painted fingers, or the way you start to control the kiss and Steve starts being the one to writhe underneath you at whatever mercy you want to give him. Truly, he doesn’t want any.

Now it’s him who whines when you pull away, your kiss swollen sticky lips finding the familiar path to his cheek. Another glittering trail of pink that leads down under his jaw where you nip just like he did to you.

“Honey,”

The pet name comes out like a warning when your tongue swipes across sweat slick skin. The tip of your nose nudging behind his ear with a smirk. Your hips circle with purpose now, not the wild abandon from before, feeling the way it makes him twitch in his jeans. He shudders when you lick the length of his neck, teeth scraping along the protruding vein as his arm tightens its hold, the palm of his hand curling around the back of your neck.You hum in approval, lips wrapping around where your teeth just were before sucking hard.

He groans your name loud enough you’re sure someone upstairs heard him, eyes rolling in the back of his head and toes curling in his sneakers as his hips buck up meeting the roll of yours. You know it’s going to be enough to leave his sun kissed skin lilac and blush when you’re done, but he doesn’t seem to care when the hard tip of him that threatens to bust through the seam of his jeans keeps hitting your bundle of nerves over and over again.

Steve’s head falls against the back of the couch, eyes pinching shut opening himself up more for you while his hips stutter. You feel the warmth of him flood between your legs. A string of curse words spilling from his lips, when your own release has your body freezing on top of him, thighs closing tight around his and an open mouth to his neck in a silent scream.

It’s quiet for a while, both of you trying to catch your breath with the bass of the music that vibrates the walls from upstairs. A content hum from your lips breaks the silence when he rubs his hand down your spine, nails scratching softly as he goes.

“Yeah, we’re going on dates.” He finally huffs out in a laugh, earning the giggle that he liked so much as his ‘yes.’

[hoshifighting]

        joshua + succubus

— where joshua mistakenly casts the wrong spell when he seeks to change his sin... or the church future.

WARNINGS: +18, smut, may be triggering because of; church setting/frequenters, blasphemy, spells, putting fire in a church, death of the priest, evoking... oral [f & m rec.], overstimulation, handjob, 69, voyeur?

KINKTOBER MASTERLIST

everyone in town grew up hearing about joshua hong like he was a saint. some sort of small-town legend—always knew the way around a bible verse, a songbook, and even the church basement after hours, or so they’ve been told. he had a gift, they said, a pure voice.

but...

not even a choir robe could hide the sharp look in his eyes when he stepped up to the altar, like he had too many secrets crammed into the folds. sunday morning services turned into something else entirely the second he stepped up, like the stained glass started burning in place of the candles, bending light, and casting shadows that shouldn’t exist.

sitting in the pew, you’d see him up there, dressed in his sunday best — button-down, lips pressed together in a way that was almost humble. his head would tilt forward just enough to hide the smirk that played at the corner of his mouth as the old priest—grumbling, worn down, all fire and brimstone—launched into another lecture about the evils of the world. drinking, indulgence, lust—the usual list of sins. but every time that old man leaned into his condemnation, you could see joshua’s jaw clench, his knuckles turning white where he gripped the pew in front of him. it was like he wanted to swallow the whole world in a single bite.

“there’s nothin’ good for a soul in drink,” the priest would say, spitting the words like they burned his tongue. “and lust… that’s a sickness of the mind. devil creeps in, fills a man’s heart with filthy thoughts—turns him against god, the creator.” joshua’s stare never wavered, but you could feel the tension rolling off him, like he was daring the priest to say more, waiting for the words to hit him like stones.

he caught you looking one day, your gaze sliding over to him as he sat a few pews over. his fingers, idly drumming on the wood, froze, and for a second, you swear his eyes turned crimson under the dim light filtering in from the stained glass. he tilted his head, his lips quirking up into a smirk that made your pulse stutter, like it was haunted. your throat went dry. it was almost impossible to look away.

and you weren’t the only one. everyone saw him as the golden boy, the one who could’ve been a priest himself if he’d chosen the right path, but they were blind. they didn’t see the way he held onto that anger, that fire, waiting for a spark to set him off. and one sunday, he snapped.

it was after service, and the priest, tired and cranky, muttered something as joshua passed him on the way out—something cruel, harsh.

maybe about how joshua was nothing but a disappointment.

maybe about how the devil had gotten into him after all.

you saw the moment those words registered, saw joshua stop mid-step, his whole body going rigid. he turned, slowly, his eyes dark, and you swear, it was like he’d finally embraced whatever sin had been simmering beneath the surface all this time.

“you know, father,” he said, with a smile that sent a chill through you, “maybe you should take a look at your own fucking sins first.”

the priest’s face went pale, his mouth opening and closing like he didn’t know what to say. joshua didn’t wait for an answer; he turned on his heel, leaving the church in stunned silence, a chill lingering in the air long after he’d gone.

it was no surprise to see him that night, later, drinking at the town’s only bar, his tie pulled loose, the first few buttons of his shirt undone.

you’d followed him in the shadows, watching him with all the patience of a vulture perched high on a branch. he had no idea you were there, tucked behind the columns, lingering just long enough to see him slip into the priest’s presbytery, his hands loaded with strange things. you counted—bottles, little glass jars, peppers, a bundle of herbs that smelled sharp even from a distance, and the oldest book you’d ever seen in his hand. the leather was cracked, practically crumbling, pages threatening to slip out like secrets waiting to spill.

he moved silently. you’d seen him look confident before, sure and smug, but tonight he was focused, his eyes darting between the shadows like he was hoping no one would see, yet craving an audience just the same.

inside his room, he crouched on the floor, that book already spread open to an ancient drawing. his hands were steady as he sprinkled salt, placing red candles at the points of a carefully drawn chalk circle. he leaned over the candles, muttering words you could barely hear but knew familiarly, words that were older than him, than the priest, than the church itself, than the floor he was kneeling on.

joshua’s breath hitched when he looked down, afraid, but shining bright enough to catch in the candlelight.

“if you’re listening…” he murmured. “if you’re… there… i’m ready.”

you were right there, watching the way his fingers lingered over the edge of the circle, his pupils blown wide, nervous. you’d waited so long for this, so long to hear that, to feel the pull of his words like an invitation. you stepped out of the shadows, letting yourself fall into the circle he’d made, knowing full well he wasn’t expecting you.

probably a red man with a long pointy tail and red short horns.

“finally,” you breathed, your voice curling around him, echoing against the walls. his head snapped up, and you let him drink you in, every inch of you framed in the candlelight, every detail in that sinful burgundy hue. your wings stretched out, soft and dark, each feather trailing a shadow across the floor. your hips were draped in a dark cloth, barely enough to cover you, hanging low like some kind of ancient offering. his eyes lingered on your bare chest for a long second, lips parting as if he were on the verge of saying something but couldn’t find the words.

he swallowed, throat bobbing as he finally met your eyes—fear. “who… who are you?” he asked, voice trembling just enough to give him away, his fingers gripping the edge of the book like it could save him.

you smirked, letting the tension stretch, savoring the way he looked at you. “you called me, didn’t you?” your voice was somehow mean, soft as silk. “shouldn’t you know?”

he faltered, eyes darting to the floor. “i… i was just—i wasn’t really… i didn’t mean—”

“liar.” you leaned in, stepping closer, feeling the power of the circle around you and knowing it did nothing to stop you from reaching him. “you knew exactly what you were doing. drawing symbols. lighting candles. whispering to the shadows.” you traced the lines of his circle with your finger, watching him shiver as you stepped even closer.

his gaze flickered, still trying to hold onto something, even as his eyes betrayed him, wide and unclear. “i… wanted to change things,” he admitted. “to be something… more. something… not this.”

“oh, i know, joshua,” you cooed, your fingers brushing his cheek, making him flinch just slightly before he leaned into your touch, he felt his cheek burn, but nothing that would make him flinch, he drawn in despite himself. “you don’t want to be caged under choir robes and commandments, do you? you don’t want a life spent in confession for sins you haven’t even enjoyed yet.”

his breath hitched, eyes flickering between your face and the empty space behind you, like he was scared to admit just how right you were. “no… i don’t.”

you smiled, letting your wings fan out, blocking the candles light, making the room feel smaller. “then why don’t you tell me what you do want? after all, you went through all this trouble just to bring me here. be honest, and i might just give it to you.”

he hesitated, but only for a second, the words slipping from his lips as if he couldn’t hold them back. “i want… freedom,” he breathed, eyes dropping to your bare skin. “i want to be more than they say i can be.”

you scoff, the sound sharp, almost mocking, and you lean in closer, fingers gripping his jaw, forcing him to look right into your eyes. “only that?” your voice carrying a note of amused disbelief, as if his words were too small, too insignificant, for the significance of what you knew boiled underneath his skin. you study him with a predator’s patience, your eyes gleaming with something he can’t name but can feel—an energy, ancient and alive, running over him like wildfire.

he tries to look away, but you hold him steady, your gaze locking him in place. “no, joshua. i know what you really want.” your tone is cool, as if the truth were something so obvious it barely needed mentioning, yet you keep pressing, your grip tightening just enough to make his pulse race. “so tell me,” you whisper, voice velvet-soft but rigid. “say it. all of it.”

his eyes dart back to yours, wide and desperate, like he’s drowning in something he barely understands. you peer deeper, pushing past the surface, into the mess of memories buried under layers of carefully guarded guilt and regret. images rush forth, spilling over his mind in a dizzying flash—the protests, the shame, the whispering voices that treated him like an abomination, an exile in his own church, those bruises that lined his skin when they dragged him into that freezing back room, candles burning low as they tried to “drive the devil out.” you see it all, his anger, his humiliation, his bruised skin, each memory stoking a spark of rage that had been smoldering inside him for years.

as the memories pulse within him, a sharp surge of anger claws its way to the surface, and when you finally release him, he’s left panting, breath shaky, but his gaze locked on you. his eyes now, raw, broken, and beautiful.

your eyes narrow, the challenge clear. “tell me,” you say, voice soft as a lover’s but hard as steel, “what do you really want?”

“revenge.” the word leaves his lips like a curse, his voice steady, eyes blazing, as if he’d finally named the thing that had been haunting him all along.

your smile is slow, almost indulgent, and you spread your wings wide, casting shadows across the room, a gust of wind kicks up, but the candles don’t go out; the flames only leap higher, twisting and dancing, casting strange shadows across his face.

you rise, hovering just above him, looking down, every inch of you framed in crimson candlelight. “then i will give you what you seek, joshua,” you murmur, your voice echoing like a promise woven in silk and smoke. “but remember, nothing comes free. once this is done, your soul is bound to me, by your own hand.” your wings flare, feathers dark as midnight, and the gusts around him grow wilder. “take your revenge, claim your freedom… but know, when it’s over, you will belong to me.”

and before he can protest, before he can speak another word, you’re gone, the candles flickering wildly before settling, leaving him alone, the silence as heavy as your words.

[...]

the next day, he moves through it like a ghost, his mind still trapped in the events of the night before. he’s haunted, every detail replaying in his mind over and over, the way your gaze had burned through him, the way his own anger had finally tasted like liberation on his tongue. he drifts through work, the town, barely noticing the world around him, his thoughts thick with questions he doesn’t dare to speak aloud. even as the day fades to night, the feeling only grows stronger, a dark anticipation coiled in his chest.

[...]

and then, as he finally makes his way home, the darkness settling over the quiet neighborhood, a strange glow catches his eye—a fierce, unnatural brightness in the distance, stretching across the night sky. his pulse quickens, an inexplicable dread settling in his stomach.

he turns the corner, his steps slowing as he sees it—flames, consuming the church, roaring high and wide, a blazing inferno lighting up the neighborhood in a hellish glow. smoke billows up in thick, dark clouds, the spire silhouetted against the blaze, cracked and crumbling.

people are shouting, gathering around in shock and horror, but joshua stands frozen, his gaze fixed on the church, heart pounding, as the full weight of it crashes over him. the fire devours the building, the windows shattering, flames licking higher, stretching like fingers into the night. he doesn’t need to ask whose hand is behind it. he knows, deep down, who’s responsible, and that knowledge settles over him like a dark, terrible satisfaction.

the flames roar, a searing nightmare set against the quiet night, and joshua stands alone, watching it burn—a vision of destruction, liberation, and a hellish beauty he’ll carry with him forever.

the whispers ripple through the crowd like a dark prayer, people scrambling in horror, voices trembling. “the priest,” someone gasps, “he was inside— hey saw him doing some ritual.”

and there, almost tangible against the hellish glow, a shadow moves—dark wings, massive and stretching wide, the shadow of something that shouldn’t exist. he inhales sharply, the cigarette flaring as he sucks in a long drag, the smoke curling in his lungs before he exhales it with a steady calm. the scene is chaotic, unreal.

he flicks the cigarette aside, watching the ashes scatter, and turns on his heel, making his way back home with each step feeling heavier, a pull calling him to do the thing he’d barely dared to think of all day.

his room is cold when he gets there, shadows draping every corner. the books are still scattered from last night, red candle wax hardening into crimson pools against the floor. he traces the chalk lines he’d drawn on the floorboards, his fingers ghosting over the symbol, all again.

he lights each candle, the flames flickering to life as though eager to obey, casting an ominous glow around the room. he steps into the center of the circle, letting his breaths steady, closing his eyes as he speaks the incantation from memory, each syllable like a stone sinking into dark waters.

“come to me,” he murmurs. “come back to me.”

the flames stretch higher, bending, flickering wildly as if caught in an unseen wind, and a warm gust of air fills the room, carrying a scent of musk and wine, like a forbidden feast laid bare.

and then she appears—you, draped in shadows, eyes sharp and gleaming, lips curved in that knowing smile. your wings stretch behind you, rich, deep wine-colored feathers unfurling like a promise of something darkly seductive. you step into the light, close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off your skin, the thin fabric wrapped around your hips swaying, your chest bare, unapologetically bare.

“couldn’t stay away?” your voice is a purr, you tilt your head, watching him, a smirk tugging at the edge of your lips. “miss me already?”

he swallows, throat tight. “yeah,” he breathes, voice barely a rasp. “guess you could say that. i just…” he stammers, but you don’t let him finish.

“you want me?” you whisper, your voice like silk wrapping around him, pulling him in. “you want to feel what it’s like to be consumed. to give yourself over completely, to let go of all that shame, all that guilt.” your hand finds his jaw, tilting his head up so he has no choice but to meet your gaze, your eyes dark and blazing, pulling him in like a spell. “wnat me to take it all off hm? say it.”

“yes,” he breathes, the words escape, feeling your energy pulling the words from the center of his belly, to the throat to leave his lips. “yes, i want you.”

your smile widens, predatory, victorious. “good boy,” you murmur, pressing closer until he can feel every curve, every inch of you. “that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

and with that, you close the distance, capturing his lips in a kiss that’s hot, literally, his mind shining red in alert, when your feverish lips touches his. he melts into it, his hands finding your waist, fingers curling into the soft, warm flesh.

you break away, lips a hair’s breadth from his, “you know,” you murmur, “i’ll need you to feed me…” your hand slides lower, teasing the waistband of his pants, fingers brushing skin. “…regularly.”

“feed you?” he breathes, almost dazed.

“oh, yes,” you purr, hand tracing circles against his skin, watching as his breath quickens. “you think you can handle that? keeping me satisfied, keeping me fed?” your wings stretch wide behind you, the room seeming smaller. “because once you start, there’s no going back. im asking you.”

he nods, “yes… yes, anything.”

“good,” you murmur, trailing a finger along his jaw, the faintest hint of claws grazing his skin. “then let’s begin.”

you smirked, eyes flickering over him as you let him sink back onto the sheets, his body folding into your grip, already trembling. you settle between his legs, is delicious—he’s yours, and every inch of him knows it. he’s breathless already, eyes wide, that flush creeping up his neck, his chest, as he watches you, his lips part like he’s going to say something, but no words come out; only the sharp intake of breath when you lick a slow, lazy line along his length, tasting him, testing him—he didn't even noticed when he got naked.

“fuck—” he chokes out, voice breaking a little as you close your mouth around him, pulling him deep, deeper, feeling his thighs tense as he fights to keep his cool.

you start slow, drawing him out inch by inch, taking your time , your tongue tracing along every ridge, every sensitive spot. his hands find the sheets, fingers curling into the fabric, gripping like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered.

“shit, you’re—hmpf!—” his head falls back, a hand flying to cover his mouth, but it only muffles the noise, that groan that you feel all the way down your spine.

you pull back slightly, your lips leaving his length with a soft pop, looking up at him through dark, hooded eyes, letting him feel every bit of your gaze. “you’re not holding back on me now, are you?” you taunt, dragging a nail along his thigh, feeling the shiver it sends up his body. “you moan like that, and then want to go quiet on me?” you arch a brow, leaning back in to kiss along his length, your mouth hot and wet against him.

“n-no,” he stammers, voice strained, raw, his hips lifting almost instinctively, chasing the heat of your mouth. “just—fuck—‘s just, good, you’re…” he trails off, words lost as he watches you, mesmerized by the way your lips slide over him, taking him deeper, the wet heat of your mouth surrounding him, making his eyes roll back, half-lidded in bliss.

and then you pull him even deeper, not stopping until he’s hitting the back of your throat, and his grip on the sheets tightens, a strangled noise escaping his throat as he’s overcome. you barely pull back, your throat working around him, swallowing, keeping that pressure right where he’s most sensitive. you let the sound of his moans fill the room, rough and needy, giving into every filthy urge he’s been fighting, every ounce of resistance leaving his body in broken gasps.

“goddamn—oh, shit—fuck,” he moans, and his hands are in your hair, pulling you closer, his breathing ragged as he struggles to keep from losing it entirely. “you’re—fuck, you’re perfect—”

you hum around him, sending vibrations up his length that make his hips buck, and it’s like he’s completely losing control, lost in the heat of you, in the way you take him so well, so completely, each moan and broken word only pushing him further over the edge. he’s watching you, lips parted, eyes darkening with every second as you pick up the pace, sucking him down with a hunger that feels almost endless.

“please, don’t stop—please don’t fucking stop,” he gasps, voice strained, so close to unraveling, to giving himself over completely. you feel the way he twitches, his body tightening, every muscle straining as he comes under you, every noise he makes only pushing you to take him deeper, to give him exactly what he wants, and then some.

as he watches you, the cloth around your hips slips as you wiggle your hips behind you, arched enough for him to see it, falling away, and his eyes widen, the sight of you bare, only fueling the heat that’s been burning in him since the second he called you here. the sight of you, perfect and sinful, is the last thing he needs—he can’t hold back any longer, his body surrendering, his moans filling the room as you take everything from him, leaving him a shaking, gasping mess, and every bit of him completely, irrevocably yours.

you straighten up, hands wrapping tight around his cock, and he’s instantly a mess. the second you touch him, he’s damn near choking on air, chest heaving, already so wrecked he can’t do a thing but let his head fall back, mouth open, that desperate look on his face as you work him over. your grip’s relentless, unforgiving, just the way he secretly craves, even if he’d never admit it. his cock's turning red, sensitive as hell, veins pulsing with every slick, rough twist of your hand.

“been watching you, you know,” you murmur. “always been mine, haven’t you? my boy.”

“shit—fuck—oh god,” he whimpers, his voice cracking as he chokes out a moan, hands gripping the sheets like it’s all too much.

you don’t stop, fingers curling tighter, dragging along his length, making sure he feels every word you’re spitting. “they didn’t deserve you,” you hiss, watching the way his eyes squeeze shut. “had to get rid of them, had to burn it all down.”

he’s reacting to your words—his back’s arching, muscles in his neck strained, veins popping, and it’s like every filthy thing you say just hits him right where he’s weakest. it goes straight to his cock, and he’s bucking up into your hand, practically crying from the overstimulation, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he gasps for breath.

“you’re—fuck, i can’t—please,” he’s barely coherent, voice high and desperate, choking out those pleas as he’s pushed to the limit, and you just grin, leaning down to watch his face, relishing every twitch, every gasp, every broken noise he makes.

“aw, poor baby,” you taunt, “thought you could handle this? thought you wanted it rough?”

you smirk, and he’s too far gone to even notice—he’s never let himself get like this, not for anyone else. but the way you’ve got him, held tight in your grip, overstimulated? yeah, he’s losing it, every single sound bouncing back at him in the room, practically echoing in his ears.

“keep it down, baby,” you whisper, running a finger along his cheek, and he nods weakly, but the second you twist your wrist, another choked moan rips out of him, even louder than before. you just shake your head, letting out a low chuckle. “can’t, huh? can’t even stay quiet for me?”

he’s a mess, squirming beneath you, eyes rolling back, face flushed, every inch of him screaming for you. it’s like he’s breaking apart under your touch, and you’ve barely even started. letting your hands leave his cock, you slide up his body, giving him just enough time to catch his breath as you settle above him, letting him take in the view. you straddle his chest, guiding his hands to your hips with a smirk that’s anything but innocent.

“ready for me?” you murmur, watching him nod, his face shifting into something else entirely, his lips parting as you lift your hips just enough to hover over his mouth. “then don’t waste a second.”

you lower yourself down, letting him feel every bit of that heat, that wetness, and he immediately loses himself, his mouth working against you like he’s starved, tongue diving in with a kind of hunger that’s absolutely wild. he’s not holding back in the slightest, he’s good—like he’s been waiting for this, like every touch, every noise he’s making, is just for you.

he’s moaning again, hands clutching at your hips, pulling you down closer, practically burying his face in you—it’s like he can’t get enough. his tongue slides up, swirling around your clit, making your breath hitch, your thighs trembling as you let out a gasp. and the taste of you? it’s got him hooked, that sweetness lingering on his tongue, almost unreal, like nothing he’s ever tasted before.

“you’re…fuck, you taste so good,” he mumbles between sucks, his voice muffled, needy. and he doesn’t stop, doesn’t even hesitate—just dives back in, sucking and licking like his life depends on it, hands squeezing your hips to keep you steady as he works his tongue over you, slow and then fast, like he’s learning exactly how to push you higher.

“yeah? you like it?” you taunt, breathless, your hands tangling in his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan, that delicious sound sending a pulse straight to your core. you can feel yourself getting closer, that tension building in your stomach with every pass of his tongue, every desperate pull of his lips.

he’s got his eyes closed now, completely lost, his whole world narrowed down to the taste of you, the heat of you pressed against his mouth. he’s moving almost frantically, mouth working over you like he’s drinking you down, your hips grinding against him as you ride that perfect rhythm. it’s like he’s matching your pace, following every gasp, every moan, his mouth locked onto your clit, sucking just right, and you can’t hold back, the pleasure building, coiling tight in your stomach.

you gasp, hands fisting in the sheets as you let go, your back arching, thighs clenching around his head as he keeps going, milking every last drop of pleasure out of you. you can feel him groaning beneath you, desperate, like the taste of you is driving him insane. and as you come down, catching your breath, you finally look down at him—completely wrecked, lips swollen, face flushed, and those eyes, dark and hungry, locked onto you like he’s still starving, like he’d give anything to keep you there.

“oh, we have a visitor?” you mumble, a smirk creeping onto your lips as you glance back at joshua, who’s gone pale in an instant.

joshua looks behind you, eyes wide as he spots the priest’s soul lurking in the corner of the room, a dark shadow flickering against the walls. the atmosphere shifts, heavy with tension, and you can practically feel joshua’s heart pounding in his chest.

“what the hell, no—get out of here!” joshua stammers, scrambling to cover himself, but you just chuckle.

you laugh lightly, the sound almost musical, and the priest's essence flickers violently, unable to withstand the force of your magic. the priest’s soul wavers, he starts to fade, his form growing dimmer.

with one final flick of your wrist, you send the priest’s soul spiraling into nothingness, the air around you stilling as silence falls. you turn back to joshua.

“i’m gonna be haunted for days, aren’t i?” joshua mutters, rubbing the back of his neck as he glances at the spot where the priest’s soul had been.

you can’t help but laugh. “don’t worry about it. you can be the small spoon.”

he shoots you a side-eye, clearly not convinced.

[isuckatwritingsobenice]

Hello! May I request some romantic headcanons (if it is possible) or headcanons of Alastor from Hazbin Hotel beginning the courting phase with a tinkerer!gn!reader who can fix almost anything and entrusts the repairs of his very few electronic devices, including his microphone, to them?

Thank you for taking the time to read this and have a lovely day/night! :)

A/N: tysm for your request!! This started as courting and then developed into the actual relationship so two in one i guess!

Warnings: none! fluff all the way through + Alastor being dramatic

Navigation!! // Masterlist!!

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him wondering if you’re actually going to be useful to the hotel or if you were just here for the free room

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him keeping an eye out on you for a while, cautious but still acting normal nonetheless

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him ready to use his magic to fix the hotel right back up when one of the rooms flooded because of a client

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… a surprised Alastor when he sees you, work clothes drenched and toolbox in hand when you tell Charlie it’s all fixed

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him doubting your abilities at first thinking you’re an average handy-man who can just fix small things

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… so what does he do? he pretends his microphone is broken

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… he takes a trip down to you’re room which doubles as the basement and boiler room. you’d insistes staying there in case anything happened you could fix it right away

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him telling you what’s wrong with his microphone while you examine it, telling you he wants it done by the time he gets back to the hotel tonight

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… a short-circuited Alastor when you tell him you fixed it and tuned it as well.

“Well, Dear I didn’t need you to tune it.”

He says faking gratefulness, because the thing is, you really can’t tune it���

So that leaves him thinking, if you didn’t tune it, what else did you do??

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… an embarrassed Alastor when you tell him you know he lied about it being broken and that you didn’t actually do anything to it.

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… a huge sigh of relief on his end, asking how you knew it wasn’t broken. you tell him you knew the moment he walked in it was perfectly fine.

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞…him confessing he was just trying to see your abilities, but brushing it off saying it was pointless in the first place so you don’t press the matter further

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him stopping by to chat while he watches you fix things, keeping you company and playing music for you

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… Alastor going to you to fix anything even if it isn’t an item

“Y/n dear, would you be so kind as to fix my button? I believe it popped off earlier.”

“Alastor I can’t sew.”

“Well you’ll learn today!”

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him being dramatic when you tell him youre too busy, he’ll groan and whine about it tossing himself onto your bed and acting like he’s dying

“ Alastor you’re already dead…”

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him watching you while you work if he has nothing else to do

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him bragging about you in random bars about how you can fix anything

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him complementing you on your skills tenfold when he breaks something you’ve already fixed for him multiple times

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… hanging his head low as he tells you he did in fact break it after you fixed it and told him how to avoid it

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… alastor asking you to take things apart and explain how to put them back together so he knows too

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… him putting aside his own skills, he’s not that bad of a fixer himself, but prefers to go to you for quality time

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… you picking up and fixing things after he goes overboard with his powers

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… Charlie and Vaggie calling you from the hotel saying Alastor broke something arguing with Angel again

𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐓𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞… you two being the perfect pair, he breaks things and you fix them <33

[pricegouge]

Haul

Part Five MDNI

Master list | on ao3

slasher!trucker!141 x reader

series cw: dark fic. major character deaths, rape/noncon

chapter cw: noncon oral. unsafe sex

You keep track of your passing dark periods - the closest approximation you have to a night time - in cards taken out of your deck, carefully collecting in the second drawer. The cards pass in relatively undisturbed silence and while one would expect such a display of mercy to appease you, it only manages to twist your stomach into tighter knots.

Without the blessing of exhaustion, sleep is hard to come by in the basement. It's more than the odd hum of the venting that runs through the corner, or the creaking of the beams overhead. More even than the condensation that collects, cold and clammy, on the walls around you and makes your joints ache. You think mostly it's the way your circadian rhythm has been disrupted, reduced now to the on and off hours of the dim, incandescent bulb. You learned on your second night there that they control it from above somehow, subject you to darkness or light whenever they wish. As far as you can tell, they're mostly keeping a schedule, but you're not too stupid to know a threat when you see one. They can plunge you into days of darkness any time they wish. It gives the darkness that enshrouds you now an edge, the possibility that they may never turn the light back on lingering every time you open your eyes to try and find a more comfortable position, only to find it makes no difference. They could Cask of Amontillado you down here and you likely wouldn't even realize for a full day.

There's a schedule now - a wake up call when the sun is still low in the sky followed closely by your bland breakfast, odd hours spent alone until one of them, usually Simon, retrieves you for a restroom break around noon. You don't get lunch, but Johnny sneaks you a little serving of applesauce on the second day and it's good despite having to pay for it with a kiss. He still makes you sick to look at, though he seems oblivious to your plight. Simon, on the other hand, barely looks at you. Stoic, menacing. You briefly wonder if he feels guilty and try to break past his defenses by joking with him as he escorts you to and from your room, or asking him for advice like he'd seemed amenable to giving that first night. You give up when he just continues to stare right past you.

You keep track of your passing dark periods - the closest approximation you have to a night time - in cards taken out of your deck, carefully collecting in the second drawer. The cards pass in relatively undisturbed silence and while one would expect such a display of mercy to appease you, it only manages to twist your stomach into tighter knots.

True to his word, Gaz had told the boys your mouth was off limits until further notice while they'd all gathered around their little table for dinner that first evening. You'd tried not to watch their reactions too closely, wanting to feign indifference just to bother them, but there was no ignoring Simon's blase nod of acceptance, or Johny's annoyed huff. Especially when John expanded on Kyle's rules unexpectedly, settling his hands on your shoulders as he leaned over you to inform them all you'd be off limits entirely for a week while you 'settled in.'

At the time, it had been hard to keep your relief in check, not wanting to seem too eager lest John rescind his offer just to be cruel. But when Johnny forms a habit of sneaking into your room at night you wonder what good that offer was at all anyway, if John even has as much control over these men as he thinks he does.

The first time it happened had you sitting up almost excitedly after immeasurable hours of darkness when the door creaked open and a small circle of artificial light spilled into your room. A flashlight, you'd noted, your fear that they'd plunge you into darkness forever placated for a few more hours at least. Deep down, you knew there would be no help on the other side of that door, but it was a hard thing to get past, the human inclination for hope and survival. But then a thick brogue asking if you were awake doused you in fear like a bucket of cold water. You hadn't had much time with Soap since he nearly flayed your skin off with the hose for which you'd been extremely grateful, but it seemed your luck was coming to an end on that front. Perhaps on every front, all told. 

He's not supposed to be there, but he only ever wants to hold you close and fend off the cold so you let him, happy when he's gone in the morning before even John can come knocking. Feverishly warm and pleasantly solid, with a thick pelt that rubs almost pleasantly under your good cheek when you lean into him, he'd make for a good bed fellow in different conditions. If it were anyone but him, the man you saw drag your friend's corpse around with a crowbar. But it's not, and you find no comfort in the man's arms, often laying awake well into the early hours of the morning.

But if you can set your cards by Soap's visit, it's John's daily appointments that you look forward to most, despite yourself. His arrival brings the light and the little traditions that make you feel human, like dressing properly and bathing and eating. Still, he's worse than Johnny, somehow, in that he actually expects you to indulge him, whereas Johnny is simply content to let you cry about your position. It's odd, but you get the feeling that John at least makes an attempt to please you, most days. While the boys moped about your being off limits, John took no small measure of delight in making you earn your panties every morning - though the ways he makes you earn them take you quite by surprise. Like Gaz, the captain's a man of his word, at least. 

Captain John Price, as you've come to know him, deals in secrets just as much as sexual favors.

The first time he ducked through the door, wielding your prize in his pocket with a cocksure grin, he found you standing awkwardly by the desk, having taken a borderline defensive position with the stool blocking you from the door the second you heard someone descending the stairs. John just kept grinning as he took you in, eyes too knowing and yet completely unconcerned by the dubious weapon you've potentially found yourself. 

You thought you'd known what he wanted, which was why you were so shocked when he'd stopped you from stripping for him with a firm but gentle hand on your good shoulder. "No need for all that, doll," he'd rumbled, "just come sit with me, let's talk."

Nearly a full week in and you've only ever talked with him, though the quality of the secrets he wants from you are ratcheting up to a level you're not sure you can deliver on and you're terrified to know what you'll have to give him once he grows bored of your secrets.

It had started off easily enough. He'd wanted to know about your first crush, your first job, if your parents were divorced. Your first kiss was a funny story, and you'd even managed to share a laugh about it when you told him how the boy had kissed your chin, both of you too embarrassed to try again for quite awhile. John had gone so far as to share his own experience, laughing about what a little fool he'd been with a smile that bares too many teeth, sets you on edge. You're not stupid. You know what he's doing, trying to humanize himself, get your guard down. It isn't working, but when he leans in close and listens with rapt attention as you describe your first love, doesn't laugh as you recount the more awkward stages of middle school, you worry it might, if you don't get out of here soon.

He eases you into harder questions so slowly it takes you a while to notice. And perhaps they aren't harder anyway - after all, how much more invasive is the question of how you'd lost your virginity as compared to your first kiss really, when both questions were asked by your kidnapper? Still, you take notice when he gets to your friends, what Ash's last name was, how close you were with your family. You try lying, hoping if they think your family is looking for you they will turn you free to avoid the headache. But they aren't, and John doesn't, and you see the disappointment in his eyes when he clocks your lie. 

It's Gaz who ices your ass, after John belts it.

You sniffle the whole while, unable to resist clinging to him when he props himself up next to you. Kyle's been nice ever since you've learned how to be sweet to him, and it's hard to resist the comfort when he gives it freely, harder still to remember he's not one of them when he whispers to you about how best to please the captain, or how to get Soap to listen to you.

Delirious in the dark of night, you sometimes lay awake and wonder if he's your ticket out, if you can appeal to his humanity enough that he will take pity and leave your door open one day. Better yet, ferret you away in the cot of his truck and steal you across the border. You dream of drowning him in the Gulf and wake up to Soap's hands on you, coarse as sand.

***

John's happy this morning, heavy boots nearly buoyant on the stairs. It's strange how quickly one becomes attuned to the people who hold your fate in their hands. When one misstep could mean your life, you learn to read the quality of their treads in less than a mile. Only six cards in, John only ever descending that short staircase once a day, you think you've learned his in twenty yards.

The lights always come on just before he enters, from which you've inferred the switch must be just outside your door, tantalizingly close. Today is no different, though there's a marked pause after the light comes on and before John enters. You count the seconds in heart beats, your ass still throbbing with his latest displeasure. Resolutely, you decide you'll do anything to keep him happy today.

When he does duck through the door, John's gaze scans the room expectantly, eyes crinkling tightly when he finds you still laid up in bed. 

Sometimes he calls you lazy if he finds you there - as if you could do anything else, with the light still out - but other times he likes tucking in next to you, smelling the pillow where you know Johnny's scent must linger. Sometimes he asks if Johnny behaved himself; mostly, he doesn't care. Today he sits confidently on the edge of the bed, moving with that air of owning everything around him unique to men like him. When he sits, legs sprawled wide and boots heavy against the tiles, you're suddenly acutely aware of his office directly above, the medals that decorate it.

"Good morning," he drawls, and you resist the urge to flinch when his hand comes up to ghost fingers across your cheek. It's been healing well with Kyle's continued care, the swelling gone down enough it barely ever affects your vision anymore. Doesn't mean you like when they touch it and you take too long to respond.

"I said, good morning."

"Good morning," you stutter. John cocks an eyebrow at you, expectant. "Sir."

"That's better," he grins, cocky, adding to the almost boyish aura about him this morning. He lets you look him over a moment, weathering your wary stare with little more than an implacable smile, eyes just slightly too tight to be genuine. You briefly wonder if you could manage to smother him with a pillow and then decide you'd best wait until your arm is better to try any risky, highly physical escape attempts.

"Well? You gonna come sit with me?"

When his tone drops you scramble across the bed, cursing yourself. You should have known, as it's how he likes to spend most mornings. So much for keeping him pleased. 

John waits until you settle in next to him before flashing that warm, affected grin at you again. His palm is heavy when he slides it over your thigh, fingers digging into the meat above your knee with bruising strength. He rocks your leg back and forth a moment, face contemplative. When he speaks, his voice is a low rumble you haven't heard since before he'd declared you off limits. "Want you to earn your panties properly today. Can you do that, doll?"

Shit. "What would you… like?" you ask warily, back ramrod straight as you become acutely aware of everywhere he touches you: heavy hand on your knee, the long line of his thigh crowding yours, his pec against your scapula where his shoulder tucks in behind your own, allowing him to lean in close, voice deep and lethal against your ear.

"Don't wanna have to tell you what to do every minute, that's for fucking sure."

You don't want to touch him, but you want him inside you even less, and the thought of him cradling your sensitive face as he fucks your mouth makes your vision blur even to think about, so you bite your lip and grab his knee right back, fingers sliding up the seam of his cargos in the closest approximation of seduction you can manage. Your eyes are on his, seeking approval, breath shuddering out when you get it in the form of his sly grin returning.

John leans back on his free hand, his belt buckle appearing from under his small gut as he does so. You want to cut right to the chase and undo it, but when your fingers find the brass, his own ensnare yours, spreading your palm flat against his growing hardness and making you squeeze him there. 

"Take your time about it, doll," he warns, "said I wanted you to earn them, not pay for them."

It's an odd distinction, but you know what he means. John is like Kyle in some ways. There's a reason he's spent so many days just talking to you. It's… good. At least better than Soap, who openly laughs at you when you cry and beg him to leave you alone. You suppose you'd prefer they want your desire than your unwillingness, if given the choice.

So you smile at him sheepishly, though it tastes like bile on your lips; and you take your time learning the shape of him even though rubbing your hands across his cargos feels like nails on a chalkboard. John doesn't notice, or maybe doesn't mind - at least not enough to stop you, his own hand moving up to your wrist to anchor himself and keep you in place - and so you continue until his head tilts back and you deem it acceptable to try his belt again. He lets you this time, a deep sigh tightening his tummy when you get his fly unzipped and his cock swells up behind it. He seems big, and the instinct to keep working him through the fabric of his briefs is less rooted in a desire to please him properly than it is a disinterest in finding out if you're right. 

You do not need to be thinking about how he's going to tear you open with that thing one day soon right this moment.

It's hard to work him through the open placket of his pants but you manage, wedging your hand down the front until you can cup his balls. His flesh is hot even insulated by the fabric of his underwear and you take care to warm your fingers there because you know he'll be displeased if you touch him with your frozen skin. You're watching your own movements, nervous and unsure, so you don't realize he's tilted his face towards yours until your fingers wrap tentatively around the head of him and he tilts your mouth to his, licks across your lips with a hot stripe. It's gross, the strong scent of old tobacco the first thing you've been able to catch even the barest whiff of in days. You open your mouth to him anyway, bite back a grunt of disgust when he licks into your mouth, no preamble.

So much for taking your time.

Emboldened, you start to stroke him properly over his briefs, hopeful that you may be able to make this grown man cum in his pants like an overeager boy because you're desperate to not touch him directly. But John seems to finally have run out of patience, swatting your hand away briefly to hook his waistband under his balls and give himself a few strokes. He makes you watch with a heavy palm, rolls his wrist with a sense of showmanship you know without asking is meant to teach you how he likes it. You file it away between decelerating while hydroplaning and skin to skin contact working best for hypothermia: What To Do in an Emergency. How to get out alive.

"On your knees for me, doll."

The order takes you by surprise, makes you tense. You stare up at him with wide, scared eyes even as his palm pushes you to the floor. "But Kyle said -?"

"Know what Gaz said," he snarls, yanking you into position between his thick thighs. "Didn't ask for your fucking mouth, did I? Said, get on your knees."

You do not take a moment to steel yourself, too scared of what he'll do if you hesitate again. Your knees find the floor with a sharp clap, the tile cold even through your flannel pants. You can feel each grout line running a grid over your skin and you sink into it despite knowing it will hurt in just a matter of minutes. Anything to distract from the image before you.

Even with his pants wide open and his briefs rendered useless, John somehow manages to look totally composed. His face is a mask of tight control, the bare skin of his forearms where his sleeves have been rolled up flexing with his movements, even and tempered. In another light - maybe sunshine, or nice, homey lamp - you would find him confident. Handsome, even. Here, the command with which he holds himself only highlights how far you are from being done and the flip of your tummy is decidedly unpleasant.

"Touch me," John grunts, but his own hand is still wrapped around his thick cock, the other cupping his balls. Your fingers find the cuff of his pants instead, squeezing his ankle through the material of his boots and earning yourself a nod. One hand continues up, finds the bare skin of his shin and holds tight. His legs spread impossibly wider, however, when the other reemerges, the better to skirt up his leg and grope his thigh. Take measure of the dense muscle there.

You force yourself to watch when his pace quickens because you want him to cum sooner and because you know you'll want him to cum sooner in the future, too. He's uncut, something you're not overly familiar with. You sit outside yourself, watch him as if you're attending some depraved sex ed class as he strokes the foreskin over his glans, sometimes letting it swallow the tip of his thumb along with it. He leaks like a faucet, more so the faster he strokes. Thin and nearly clear - you bet it sours, tastes like his tongue. The veins of his hand bulge with his grip and you briefly wonder if you'll ever be able to satisfy him, or if he'll have to hold your hand every time just to get the pressure right. For now, you press your hands into tense muscles and let your palm wander to the crease of his hip, dig your thumb against the ticklish crest because you see how it makes the cords of his neck flex.

"Open wide, doll. Let me see that tongue."

There's no quip about doctor's orders this time, just blind obedience, eager to be done with it. Your eyes cross as you watch John's cock warily, his fingers bumping against your chin on each stroke when he shifts closer. Voice mangled and strained, he tells you to keep your eyes on him and you glance up, find his face contorted as if in pain as he grunts and groans his way through his climax, dark eyes nearly burning a hole through you.

You were wrong, it tastes worse than his spit.

"Swallow."

It makes you gag but you do anyway because John's palm clamps over your mouth when he sees you struggling, his fingers threatening to squeeze over your cheek. You're coughing and hacking when he pulls away, but you show him your tongue without being asked because he likes when you're clever, and you like when he's nice.

"Such a good dolly," John murmurs, fingers tracing your brow as if in apology. You accept it with as much gratitude as you do the panties he dangles in front of you, leaning into his touch ever so slightly as you catch your breath. Vision too blurred by the tears that gather on your lash line, dropping onto the dark lace in your hand, you don't see the way he smiles down at you, nor do you follow his movements when he levers himself off the bed. You hear his belt clicking as he redresses himself, the scuff of his boots across tile. You don't realize he isn't headed toward the door until you hear your desk drawer sliding open and you whip around to see him, wiping your tears away with an impatient brush of your hand, ignoring the flare of pain it brings.

John takes a single card from the deck at random, chuckles as he shows you the seven of diamonds before throwing it back into the other drawer without a word. 

You don't need to count the pile to know what day it is.

As he slips out the door, John tells you to expect Ghost momentarily. Normally, you'd prefer the large man's company over most of them, if only because his apathy was better than Soap's - or John's - outright cruelty, but today marks the end of your allotted adjustment period, and the fact you don't know what to expect from the large man who perhaps still had your bra hanging from his rearview made your stomach churn. The fear of it, the growing threat, even distracts you enough that you don't dwell on how John knew about your little tally system.

A/N: kind of a small one this week but i won't have a chance to write again for a few weeks i'm thinking so i wanted to get this little transitory part out, at least. sorry if it's not up to standard!

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[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Daryl pulled the door open at the sound of your knock. You were standing on the bottom step looking impatient. "Hmm?" he hummed, still chewing on the side of his thumbnail.

"Everyone is leaving for the bonfire. You coming? I heard there will be booze," you said, flashing him a small smile.

"Uhh—nah... I'll stay in tonigh', thanks," he murmured. "Ya'll go 'n have a good time." He was already shutting the door and trying to turn away when it smacked into your outstretched hand with a slapping sound. He looked back at you in surprise.

"First off," you said, stepping into his basement room without being invited, "don't ever try to shut a door on me again. Even if you manage it I will find another way in and it may be destructive. Secondly—" You walked over and sunk down on the edge of his bed. "If you're staying in, I'm staying in."

His brow furrowed. "What? Why? Nah, go on with ev'rybody."

"If you're not going, that isn't everybody. And I know you're just going to sit down here in this basement dungeon—"

"Nice. Thanks..." he drawled.

"—and mope or something! Well, now you won't have to do it alone!"

He gulped staring at you sitting on his bed. "So, what, we're both just gonna sit down here now?"

You shrugged. "Maybe. Is that what you feel like doing?"

His face flushed at the thought that burst unbidden into his mind. You were both completely alone in the house and you were on his bed. Is sitting there what he felt like doing? No. No, no... but he couldn't say what he really felt like doing with you... His cheeks flushed but you were examining the book on his makeshift side table and didn't seem to notice. He cleared his throat nervously. "I dunno... maybe go sit outside on the porch? Stars should be out soon."

You smiled at him and his heart jumped. "Alright," you said, starting toward the stairs. "But just for the record, if you really did want to sit down here and mope, I'd do that with you too. I'd do just about anything with you, Daryl..." He thought he heard a smile in your voice.

His face flushed again. Surely, you didn't mean that... Did you?

Prompt: "I'll stay in tonight, thanks."

[heartfullofleeches]

You may not rest. There are monsters nearby.

Yandere Entity + Doomsday Prepper Reader

Gender Neutral Reader. Light horror elements. Reader has severe paranoia.

-

It isn't safe up there anymore.

Even now. Sectioned off from the upper levels of your home in a coffin of your own making, you can still hear it. The scrapping. The whispers. Small instances you made the pitiful, careless error of mistaking as the odd creak of your bedroom door. Why hadn't you left when you had the chance? Your fears and doubts hounded you like a plague, yet - in earlier days - you willed yourself to believe the trick of sound was just that. Your sight was the only true you needed. If only you knew it was your very own two eyes that had deceived you from the start.

Precious hours, finances, and the pain of departure stranded you in this place. This was your house - your home. The safe zone you created to protect yourself from the world and everything in it that would ruin you. You were so caught up keeping every danger out, you knew bothered to check for ones that were already there - decades before you took your first breath. An ancient, rotting carcass; old as if not predating the foundation of the worn, but well kept house that felt like a steal at the time of purchase for the bring it was listed. It smells the decay from your flesh as you waste each day away afraid of the unknown and discovered the ideal candidate for its equal.

A mortal who frees the world that birthed it to the degree that you do is not meant for that reality in its eyes. You gave up everything to make their land a safe haven for yourself and now it is too late. Where else is safer for you than the arms of a being who would embrace what others consider a fault?

"Are you still down there, Y/n? Look, there's nothing here. I checked every nook and cranny of this place, but there's nothing to be afraid of besides that wasp's nest on your porch. Come on out, take a shower, and we'll get you something to eat- Sound like a plan?"

The blankets wrapped around your shivering body nearly suffocate you as you press them firmly against your face. Your close friend of several years. You would've believed it was them had they not kicked you out of their apartment after chunks of spoiled meat began appearing on their doorstep. It's trying to trick you again. It's done so before. Loved ones, figures of authority, even characters from shows you watched in the past - It won't stop at nothing until you open that basement door.

"Y/n? H-hey... It's me. We used to sit together and lunch sometimes? Your parents gave me your address, but when I got here I noticed your front door was open.. Are you okay in there? Are you even in there? Open the door so I know you're s- so I know you're alright."

The fatal flaw in its mimicry. That word - it makes the creature upset. In its eyes, you won't be safe until you submit and thus promising your safety while wearing a false face angers it. Its not like the high-school crush act would work on you anyway. You doubt it was a car accident that took their life, but the less you knew the better.

"It consumes. Swarms. Devours. The fears you let puppet your sweet flesh will tear away at your meat and leave nothing in its wake before any disaster takes you from this world. Allow us feast upon your pain. We will pluck it from your bones before there is nothing for it to cling onto. This house is your domain. Embrace it. Embrace us."

There is it. That....thing's real voice. The exhaustion latching onto every word matches the heavy weight of your eyelids as you fight to keep them awake. You know it can't get in, but you can't take the risk of falling asleep. You're tired. So very tired, but you can't rest now.

There's a monster nearby.