canned-wizard

[canned-wizard]

I can relate in the opposite way as a half-elf haha. The tower I live in was originally owned by a dwarf and I have to duck through the doors

One of the biggest issues for most goblins is height.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO TALL.

[canned-wizard]

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

[canned-wizard]

Believe you me, it’s invigorating to the soul. Most potions I drink are just placebos but I feel so good drinking them like this that it doesn’t matter if I’m magically healed

[canned-wizard]

[canned-wizard]

kids these days are just too busy being gay to go on my perilous wizard quests

[canned-wizard]

Hi there 👋,

My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $40,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future. 🕊️🇵🇸

Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶

If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏

Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤

https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗

I’d be glad to donate some money to the cause. Thanks for reaching out. Good luck!

[canned-wizard]

Saw a bootleg dark magic tome at the store today. It was a guide to “dank magic”. Should I go back and buy it

[canned-wizard]

I haven’t been uploading to my wizard blog because a gnomely witch has put a draining hex on me and I no longer have energy to do what I love. Thanks for your patience

[canned-wizard]

*I stare deeply and longingly at a firefly and quietly rummage through my bag, pulling out the splintered remains of a bug-catching net. I snap the net back into a somewhat usable shape.*

“Oooh, you’re coming home with me…”

*I procure a small jar and unscrew it before beginning to run around and clumsily flail my broken net about in the hopes of catching an insect.*

*I stumble in the doorway, ducking my head as I pass through. I smell of mildew and I look queasy.*

Hello? Is anyone home? Sorry for puking by the front of your building, it turns out I don’t mix well with imbibement of seawater… and birds of prey. Do you have bandages?

(OOC: to be clear, I am not an actual can, despite the name and the image. I’m a half-elf with mold for skin. Thanks for keeping this in mind.)

Wizard ghost: "Yes, you can get them for free at the bar. Just be careful to avoid the portal."

*There is a portal on the floor between you and wizard ghost, the other end of which appears to be on the ground in a forest.*

(OOC: Sorry it took so long to respond, I was asleep when you sent this.)

[canned-wizard]

*I start absent-mindedly ambling in a straight line to the bar*

“Oh, portal, yeah, cool… yeah, you’d think such innocent looking creatures wouldn’t try to-“

*I trip mid-sentence and awkwardly tumble into the portal, landing on my satchel and crushing the more fragile of the contents within.*

“-Huuuaaaoouch! You’ve got a… portal in your floor. Not sure what i expected.*

*I rummage through my satchel in an attempt to procure something, but I only find a flattened puck of dried guano and shards of glass, which I dump onto the ground. I begin to examine my surroundings.*

*I stumble in the doorway, ducking my head as I pass through. I smell of mildew and I look queasy.*

Hello? Is anyone home? Sorry for puking by the front of your building, it turns out I don’t mix well with imbibement of seawater… and birds of prey. Do you have bandages?

(OOC: to be clear, I am not an actual can, despite the name and the image. I’m a half-elf with mold for skin. Thanks for keeping this in mind.)

Wizard ghost: "Yes, you can get them for free at the bar. Just be careful to avoid the portal."

*There is a portal on the floor between you and wizard ghost, the other end of which appears to be on the ground in a forest.*

(OOC: Sorry it took so long to respond, I was asleep when you sent this.)

[canned-wizard]

I cast counterspell when I see people do this.

Whispering "wizard spell of turn green" and waggling my fingers whenever I pull up to a stoplight

[canned-wizard]

I promise I still do art so here's a sneak peek

some spells, scrolls, books, and potions!

[canned-wizard]

GOD DAMN IT. I meant to say I’d only give one person a TREAT. I’m quitting Halloween

Most of you will get tricks. I will give exactly one trick-or-treater a treat, and I can’t guarantee that treat won’t be a fun-sized sleeve of Oreos with the cream replaced with toothpaste.

[canned-wizard]

Cathedral City, what do I have to tell you to get your strongest cheddar? Why won’t you trust me with your strongest cheddar, Cathedral City?! I need it if I’m to be successful in snacking!

You cannot handle:

[canned-wizard]

Omw to buy Potions from the Potions seller

[canned-wizard]

How much is one can of Wizard? How much is a dozen??

Not for sale. The can is a metaphor for my character growth. Also it’s my mascot, a can of peaches wearing a wizard hat

[canned-wizard]

It’s even cheaper to make your own pondering device! You can smooth your own rough gemstones or just dig one of the skulls out of a haunted bonehole

is it okay to buy an orb second-hand? i'm lacking anything to ponder but i dont have a lot of money having just come out of my apprenticeship :(