#may not be brilliant but by god their dynamic is fun to write

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

? *pleading eyes emoji*

Roleswap au???? >:D why of course~

hehehe buckle in and strap up, i wrote something :) (doesn’t exactly fit the drawing but anyway-)

Very mild warning for smoking and mentions of blood (and some slightly suggestive bits)

-

“Well well well, look at what the cat dragged in.” A blond figure drawled from where they were draped over a rather old-fashioned red and gold chaise longue.

“I thought we knew it was rude to linger in the shadows of someones doorway,” the lanky figure took a long draw from their cigarette and sprawled out in a manner befitting a cat, before slowly rising to their feet, exhaling the smoke in whirling patterns around them. “And yet, here we are.”

Shinya let out a growl as he glared at said person and harshly pulled his wrists from the cold bony grips of the ‘guards’ that were restraining him.

He had approached the hidden building in the night, after a job nearby, not originally planning on entering. However, curiosity got the best of him when he noticed that he was inside, and he simply had to follow. How could he resist sneaking up on his old rival?

He was caught, though, so that defeats that whole plan.

“You’re saying my manners are bad?” Shinya scoffed as the other sauntered closer. “Y’know, after all these years, one would think the Puppeteer would become less of a hypocrite.” 

He gestured to the almost lifeless bodies that were practically breathing down his neck- if they could breathe-

The blond puppeteer laughed, his signature crazed grin spreading across his face as he got closer. “Why, of course~”

With a simple flick of his fingers, the walking corpses were flung to the opposite sides of the room, coming apart at the seams as they hit the walls with a loud thud.

Shinya watched this and huffed, crossing his arms. “So I’ve been demoted to being escorted by the flesh puppets now? How harsh.”

Tsunagu squinted and puffed a cloud of smoke into Shinya’s face, causing him to cough and throw up his hands before rather elegantly giving him the middle finger. “Don’t push your luck, Edgeshot- I’ll be tempted to give you the all denim monstrosities next.”

So he was just as bitchy as always, huh? Good to know.

Tsunagu was wearing a rather tightly tailored suit, with a vest that trailed down at the back, a deep blue tie and a black shirt. It accentuated his sillhouette in an amazing way, Shinya was struggling to stop his eyes from tracing over it-

‘nO- stop that-’ He very quickly cleared that train of thought. No thirsting over his rival while he was right in front of him. He cleared his throat.

“You’re all dressed up nice and fancy,” Shinya blew a strand of hair out of his face, “What’s the occasion? My arrival?~” He teased slightly, grinning wide with a smile concealed by his mask, very obviously shown in the glint of his eyes.

“Oh you wish, don’t you?” The Puppeteer rolled his eyes and put out his cigarette, fixing his hair so it was brushed back neatly, revealing his usually covered and completely messed up eye.

This made Shinya’s stomach turn in a mix of pride and a tiny bit of what he’d refuse to call guilt. They had both left their marks on each other in the past, and this was one that happened in a moment of genuine emotion, betrayal, angst and heartbreak. So he wasn’t sure how to react to that.

“It was a date, and it was wonderful.” The blond continued, his expression unreadable as he slowly closed the gap between the two of them. “We talked, and had drinks and shared the stories of our past-”

Oh. That made his stomach flip even more- why did that happen? Why did that make Shinya feel so… disappointed? And why was he getting… so… close…

“-and then he got up and left. I understood, since emergencies happen.” Tsunagu whispered with a straight face, it was unusual to see him with this minimal level of emotion. “And when our next little meet-up was due, he didn’t show up. And when I got caught and wound up in a situation that he promised he’d take care of if it ever happened…… he never showed up.”

Shinya closed his eyes and breathed softly, feeling the warmth of the other’s breath brush against his cheek as he got closer to whisper.

“Tsunagu…” only the smallest of words came out. Was this guilt?

The taller figure laughed bitterly. “First name basis? You’re still that eager, yet you refuse to apologise for abandoning me?”

“I was being held captive.” Shinya growled softly. “I’ve told you that I’m sorry- but don’t act like only one of us abandoned the other, you didn’t come for me when I had been captured and fucking shipped to another country!”

“Oh don’t give me that shit again-” Tsunagu cursed and straightened himself up, beginning to circle around the silver haired assassin with sharp eyes.

The two of them had a past. Oh, they had a past alright. A past of friendly rivalry, murderous competition and pining-

And yet, the one time they decided to lower their masks and actually try to be friends -or hopefully more- it all went wrong.

“You left me there- you left me in that restaurant while I waited so patiently for you to come back- or at least tell me what was going on and you didn’t!” Tsunagu hissed, adjusting his gloves and waving his hand at the decorative curtains, ripping them down and scrunching them into a ball, throwing it down with a huff.

“And it’s my fault I couldn't tell you?”

“You. Left. Me. Shinya.” His mouth formed his name as if his tongue had traced it with poison. A poison that Shinya would gladly drink up as if it were honey from a glass. “But then, it’s not like you’d be the first…”

Tsunagu’s eyes flickered around distantly, as if in sudden recollection and thought, and Shinya used this opportunity to spin around and pin him down on the ground by his neck with a thud.

Green eyes widened and pierced into his own, his usually grinning face had turned into a shocked and stuttering one. The threads around Shinya’s waist and neck tightened slightly on instinct and he could feel the skin on his arms being pinched and pulled.

Stretching an arm out with his quirk, Shinya closed and locked the big heavy hall doors and brought his fist back to the other’s neck, dagger now in hand and pressing against his skin delicately. He couldn’t have them being interrupted by the puppeteer’s little guards -the alive ones- now could he?

“What are you doing- bitch- get off me-” Tsunagu gargled, his teeth bared and his eyes glowing as threads wound their way in and out of Shinya’s skin in a stitching pattern. It stung a little, but he was used to it. “You’re fucking heavy.”

“Oh, honey, we both know that isn’t true,” Shinya laughed and brought his knife up and pressed it into the others cheek, allowing it to pierce and draw out a few drops of blood as the taller figure seemingly didn’t react. “You could very easily throw me across the room if you wanted to, don’t bluff.”

Neither of them were new to this. And the numerous scars from each other and their competitive -and very physical- natures, could prove that to you.

Tsunagu averted his eyes and Shinya had to resist the urge to trace his fingers -or his knife- over the scars over his eye. The scars that he had put there when they both felt that they had been abandoned and betrayed by each other. Scars that branched out like the legs of a spider with the body of it being that glazed over orb with specks of green and blue and white and red.

They were rivals, maybe enemies even, but they had only ever truly fought three times.

The first was when they met. Shinya had been sent by an anonymous client to track down The Bloody Puppeteer and kill him. They had paid a lot of money, too.

But, it was when he got there that he realised this guy wouldn’t go without a fight. And when he left, barely with his own life, he realised he’d met his equal for the first time.

The second was in the night. That lunatic had somehow managed to break into one of Shinya’s built up bases and came looking for a rematch- revenge for killing one of his ‘living puppets’ (henchmen), maybe. They both had the intent to kill, yet they simply couldn’t.

And the third…

“You know, I almost didn’t answer that phonecall. I only left because my family was in trouble…” Shinya’s gaze softened and then grew sharp once more as Tsunagu’s eyes flickered back to focus on him. “How could I have known it was a trap? How could I have predicted that as soon as I stepped into my home, I would be ambushed again, and sent to who-knows-fucking-where to be tortured for half a year??”

“You still got out of it, didn’t you? You’re Edgeshot, you know how to do these damn things. It’s what you do for a living, for fuck’s sake.” Tsunagu muttered.

“Yes. And when I came back, I had to rebuild my home. Again.” Shinya explained, this was the first time they had been able to talk properly and it was with his hand on the other’s throat and Tsunagu’s nails in his skin. “I came looking, but no matter how hard I tried, I still couldn’t find you.”

Tsunagu’s eyes seemed to soften slightly as he said this, but he quickly averted his gaze once more with a scowl.

“I assumed the worst and left it be. Not because I wanted to leave you, Tsunagu, but because I was… I was scared of how I’d find you if I did.” Shinya’s grip loosened and he thought back to how he felt those few years ago. The blond’s face seemed to twitch in thought at the masked assassin showing this much emotion… towards him.

Shinya recalled how angry he had felt when he couldn’t find him. How scared he was that he lashed out and got reckless, almost getting himself caught… he’d lost another person he cared about, how could he possibly not be scared.

But this was his rival. They were at each other’s necks at all times, trying to kill each other and finding new ways to do so- they were meant to despise one another-

So why did he care so much? Why? Why had he gotten attached to something he wanted to destroy so badly?

Shinya growled, blinking away tears that he hated his body for creating, and pressing the knife further into the other’s cheek, earning a small gasp this time.

“So when I found out you were alive? That the dear Bloody Puppeteer had survived- I was so… relieved.” He muttered, getting closer until their foreheads almost touched. “But then- I was greeted by a knife to my throat, talons ripping at my guts and words that fucking hurt.”

Tsunagu’s grip tightened and his eyes flitted across the other’s face, trying to read his expression. “You left me… that’s all I knew. I had been abandoned by another person that I ca- that I thought cared for… fuck it, it doesn’t matter.”

Shinya tried to speak again but he couldn’t find the words to say. He wanted to curse him out, call him a hypocritical bitch or something, and stick that knife straight through his gorgeous skull, but he couldn’t do any of those things. Instead he dragged the dagger across Tsunagu’s cheek, leaving a line of fresh blood and an open shallow cut.

Tsunagu flinched and dug his nails further into Shinya’s arms, his gloves torn at the tips of his fingers. “Shit- that hurt.” He hissed out with his usual venomous tone.

“Oh?” Shinya laughed bitterly, “and here I thought you loved pain- or did those fun little nights in the past run from your memory?”

Tsunagu flushed red and attempted to kick out at Shinya’s general crotch area, but got stopped by a hand on the thigh and pinned down once more. 

“Oh fuck you-”

“Hm. Tempting, but I’m on a bit of a tight schedule tonight, I’m afraid.” Shinya let out a huff of amusement and leaned in closer. “I’d much rather carve up that pretty little face of yours and mess up this annoyingly attractive suit you’re wearing. Wouldn’t that be fun… Tsunagu?”

“Don’t you dare.” The blond let out a rather loud growl and snapped his teeth at the other’s fingers, which were currently tracing over his face delicately. The tops of his ears were burning and he wanted to rip that mask off of Shinya’s face and then also rip off the grin that was clearly present underneath.

“Oh, but Tsu~” Shinya smiled wider, his eyes glinting with mildly malicious -but somewhat affectionate- intent. “You’d look so pretty~”

“Stop-”

“Really, I think it would be nice, Tsunagu…”

“Stop it.”

“...Tsunagu-”

Shinya’s obvious teasing was cut off as the taller villain gave a rather loud yell of exasperation and flipped them both over, turning the tables with Shinya’s head now pressed to the floor and a dagger held to his throat.

“You betrayed the right to call me by that name.” Tsunagu said, his voice dripping with a venomous tone and his sea green eyes burning holes through his conscience. “Shut the fuck up.”

Shinya licked the blood from his lip where the other’s head had hit his nose when switching places. His mask had been ripped off by Tsunagu’s quirk and flung to the other side of the room. Usually he’d get defensive over this, but they’d seen each other unmasked plenty of times, this was fine.

“Or what?” He teased further. He enjoyed pushing his buttons, it was entertaining to watch a madman go feral… and slightly attractive- though, he’d hate to admit that.

His thoughts were interrupted by the other lifting him by the neck of his shirt and bringing their faces so close they could feel each other’s heavy breathing. 

“I’ll cut that impudent tongue right out of your annoyingly smart mouth!” Tsunagu hissed, his quirk causing his shirt sleeves to unravel slightly.

Shinya chuckled, earning another pissed off growl from the other. “Oh be my guest, I’m sure you’ll find a better use for it anyway~”

He stuck his tongue out playfully and laughed as the murderous marionette’s first instinct was to chomp at it in anger. “Whoa- like that? How unhygienic-”

“OH YOU LITTLE FUCKER I COULD JUST-” Tsunagu exclaimed, pulling him even closer and stopping abruptly as his eyes faltered momentarily. “I could just……I could-”

Green eyes flitted across the smaller figures face, and softened with a mixture of restraint and temptation. Shinya could feel his gaze hit his lips and the warmth from Tsunagu’s face as his cheeks dusted pink.

“You could just… what?” Shinya muttered softly, trying not to break the sudden shift in mood that made him feel all warm and fuzzy.

They were… so close.

“I… I- I…want…” Tsunagu’s words completely faltered as the heat spread across his face and his grip loosened, his usually bold and loud and emotional mannerisms faded away to show the truly nervous wreck underneath and their faces got closer.

It had been so long- years- since Shinya had last seen Tsunagu like this, and the last time was… well, it was that night. The night he left him all alone at a “dinner meeting” that was truly almost a date… he had forgotten how… nice… it was, to see him like this.

“What…” Shinya murmured, the other’s breath tickling across his lips as they almost touched. “What do……you…want?”

Tsunagu’s breathing grew shallower as he forgot how to talk and slowly closed the gap between them, both trying not to rush as if doing so was the equivalent of stepping on a thin pane of glass and shattering it.

Shinya’s eyes almost closed as his face grew warmer and-

…

And…?

A loud crash and the sound of a bell marking 2am startled them both out of their moment and caused Tsunagu to practically launch into the air like a scared cat while Shinya clutched his chest and pretended he didn’t just give out the wimpiest little scream anyone’s ever heard.

“I- wh- you still haven’t got rid of that stupid fucking clock???” Shinya panted, scrambling to his feet and checking his pockets on instinct.

“Oh well I’m sorry, mr ‘part time assassin, part time interior designer’, I didn’t think it mattered so much what my own place has inside!!” Tsunagu shot back, brushing himself down and fixing his hair. He was averting his eyes in slight embarrassment for what had happened before the interruption.

Shinya rolled his eyes and took a step towards Tsunagu, before realising he was being forcefully held back and slowly pushed away by his quirk. “What are you-”

“Ahem, I think it is time you took your leave, assassin.” The puppeteer cleared his throat and coughed for exaggeration, giving a wave of his hand to open the doors and reveal that his sidekicks had been very obviously eavesdropping as they scuttled away.

Extending an arm to grab his mask and fitting it to his face rapidly, Shinya scoffed. “That eager to get rid of me, huh? How polite.”

“Yes well… I’ve got a tight schedule.” Tsunagu stated with a mocking smile, elegantly draping himself back over the chaise longue that he’d been lounging on when Shinya first arrived. “Don’t you also? Oh, I dont know, maybe with a client up north in a certain bigger city who paid a lot of money?” 

Shinya gritted his teeth and fought the urge to run and punch the smug bastard in that pretty little mouth of his. “Smartass.” He tutted and turned on his heel.

“Be a dear and close the door on your way out~” Tsunagu called out with a hidden laugh, pulling out another cigarette and using his quirk to summon one of the previous puppets severed arms to be fixed.

“Oh fuck you-” 

Before he got to the doors, Shinya snatched up the rather expensive looking bottle of whiskey that was sitting on the coffee table in the corner. “A little souvenir, thanks dear~”

“Oh you little prick!” Tsunagu yelled across the hall and threw a knife towards him, aiming perfectly for it to just skim past his head and land in the bookshelf.

Shinya very quickly stuck his finger up at the lanky annoyance as he left and slammed the doors shut, gliding through the long halls and running into the shadows of the surrounding buildings once he was out.

He smiled to himself as his silent footsteps hit the floor rapidly, making his way home.

“Well…” he chuckled, bottle still in hand, pulling out Tsunagu’s favourite lighter, pocket knife and set of keys from his pocket. It wouldn’t take long for him to notice what else was missing. Their next meet up would be quite soon.

“That went well.”

[citrusses]

November 2023: AO3 Wrapped 🎁

A monthly roundup of *some* of my favorite fics of the year.

January | February | March | April, May, June | July | August | September | October | November | December

AITA for being "obsessed" with my childhood nemesis? by @rainstormradish (M, 4K)

I [24M] attended a small boarding school in the UK. There was a boy in my year, a couple of months younger than me, and he became my nemesis after we developed an intense rivalry. My friend [25F] told me recently that our dynamic was "weird back then" and that "it’s even weirder" that I still think about him today. She argued that I talk about him all the time, but I believe the amount I talk about him is reasonable. AITA?

What can I say that hasn’t been said? This is so brilliant and perfect. Another fic this year that does something so clever with its medium and still manages to not distract from its brilliant storytelling and character-driven heart.

Half Sick of Shadows by @starquestingfordrarry (E, 39K)

Harry and Draco have been sleeping together for months, and it's fine. It's enough for Harry. But when things finally start to feel like the more Harry's been hoping for, a strange tapestry project has him worrying he won't ever get the chance.

I have so many wonderful things to say about this, I was truly moved by the story and the writing absolutely destroyed me. This one already has such a special place in my heart. It’s also worth noting that my original caption was: “Draco is so hot 🥵”.

In the lining of your skin by @maesterchill (E, 9K)

Draco has wanted Harry Potter for as long as he can remember. After he’s attacked and turned by a werewolf he’s placed in a halfway house while he undergoes rehabilitation and training. The fact that the house in question belongs to the object of his desire has all of Draco’s wants rushing to the surface. And it’s almost full moon, so his self-control is stretched paper thin.

*My* self-control was stretched paper thin by this, good god.

I've Got a Beautiful Feeling (Everything's Going My Way) by toomuchplor (E, 3500)

“I’ve got such a boner,” Harry says, voice scratchy, just slitting his eyes open now, turning his head on his pillow to face Draco. “Oh, lovely, good morning to you, too,” Draco says.

Sweet lovely perfection.

the earth from a distance by @andthepeople (E, 15K)

“Well,” Harry said gamely, once they’d managed to find the Leaky Cauldron – still under construction but mercifully open for business – and he’d turned up a few knuts from his pockets, enough to get them a room for the night, “it could be worse.” “Really,” Malfoy drawled. “We’re stuck in the 16th century, with no idea how we got here or how we might go about getting back – pray tell, Potter, how could this situation possibly be worse?”

Instant classic, incredibly fun to read.

The Pile by @b-vul (Not rated)

Why is Harry collecting sticks? Harry doesn’t know.

I lost my MIND over this. Brilliant original absurd in the best way.

What a Fucking Git by @lqtraintracks (E, 2K)

For all anybody else knows, Quidditch stars Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy still hate each other....

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. I mean. Scorching dialogue, incredible sex, what a fic.

[cloudstrifing]

stuff to write masterpost

mostly for my own reference but it is always more fun and motivating to share so!!! perceive if u wish, if ANY of these get written it’s a win actually!!!

fics marked green are done fics marked orange are in progress fic marked blue are on hold for now!! anything else is not started yet!

ffvii:

secret fic for turks fan exchange:

Coloratura

aerti/zakkura/rdrn triptych of au oneshots, tied together by the fact that everyone goes to the same gym

rdrn fake dating for a mission bc i have ALL the confession dialogue ready to launch alrd and it’d be a waste not to deploy..... (i conceived her last winter and was hoping to time it with NYE whihc. that could still happen. lmfao. update: ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN BC TIME IS FAKE, update to the update: welp yet another winter is coming up so .)

jjk:

ch 3 (final) of wellness grifter geto stsg au (Let’s Purify ✩ Body & Mind!!) -- posted the second chapter after only (checks watch) a year and two weeks lmao. this one is getting slept on bc i have zero presence in the jjk fandom and my timing sucks. but ill prob finish it someday since *i* think the idea is good so WHATEVER!!

trigun:

drunk and unsexy boys-will-be-boys vw: good old-fashioned lover boy (it ended up maybe a bit more sexy than intended)

less drunk but VERY sexy plant heat vw: Gun Barrel Red Hot

modern au kniveswood ft terrible manipulative relationship dynamics to uncritically emulate in real life: pov: you're the most fuckable person at the grocery store currently in progress; also a bonus little epilogue-like pwp pretty fixation

post trimax livvash, aiming for short but eternally traumatizing: say your name, forever

dark biopunk au for kniveswood bang: oxytocin running

og (finally regaining some urge to work on these):

lesbians caught in a snowstorm but actually caught in the mindscape of the Creature but actually caught in their own inability to do feelings pls god i just need to finish Any version of this -- a finished version now exists! idk if it's my best work but it sure is done :'') if i can get someone to edit it i may start shopping it around after!

hivemind jellyfish slayer turned good dad angst bonanza ditto above -- this is currently undergoing edits after brilliant feedback from from AJ!! i finished a version i was p happy with but after i incorporate AJ's edits it will become so much better

The Necromancers Are All Dead but make it flash fiction in order 2 reclaim my ability to have fun with a concept without spending sixteen months with it first -- speedran a version of this in my little writing illegally at work notebook, i don't really know what this story wants to be yet but at least ive sat with it for a while

novel ideas wanna be attended to; am reattempting some expanded synopses bc given some distance, some of my ideas were perhaps more substantial than i gave them credit for wahoo

updating this periodically for the rush of ticking items off a list <3

[serivory]

A Run for One’s Pudding

A Mono and Runaway Kid drabble that was inspired by a random writing prompt (granted, it consisted of two words only). But this was pretty fun to write nonetheless. Helped me develop their dynamic a bit better and put my own depiction of the characters out there. Though, there are few things to note before you start reading so I wouldn’t recommend skipping this part. They’re not referred to as “Mono” or “RK/Seven/etc.” here. Check their names listed below: Mono = Fib Runaway Kid = Feo That is all. NOW you can read. xD

━━ ⋆✵⋆ ━━

Food was never served on a silver platter, especially when you were predestined to become someone’s dinner should you waltz into the wrong room at the wrong time. The gaffers of the ship exercised no restraint in fulfilling their duty through whatever means as either a chef, a janitor, or the Geisha herself. Long story short, food never came by easily. If it did, then pigs may very well start flying.

However…the surplus of sugar and fruit sitting on the table for all to see was an exception.

The urge to purloin the plated delicacy was TEMPTING I tell ya. Fib stared at the banana pudding in all of its glory through the eyeholes of his paper bag, trying to concoct a brilliant plan to grab the glass bowl without anyone noticing. Feo, however, threw caution to the wind and was going in without much of a warning or preamble. The boy blew past Fib, which caught the poor soul off guard and rendered him speechless for a good few seconds. He wasn’t given time to say anything in protest when Feo was already pulling himself up on one of the legs of the chair, shoving his foot in the small divots etched onto the wood (which was proven useful as it facilitated the process in climbing up the chair).

Fib sputtered incoherently in confusion, looking upon the shackled boy in disbelief. Aaaaaahhhhh to heck with it. If Feo was going in without a plan, then Fib may as well do the same. With a sigh, he followed in pursuit, scaling up the chair leg, his eyes trained on the other lad who was taking the lead by a large margin. MAN can he move! Fib could’ve sworn that the shackle bound to Feo’s ankle would’ve served as a hindrance, but.. apparently not.

The paper-bag’ed boy ascended up the ladder-back backrest, pressing the soles of his feet against the splintered wood to launch himself towards the table. For a solid moment, he felt like he was flying, gravity’s efforts in taking a hold of him being all for naught as he soared through the air without a care in the world, paying no mind to the altitudinous distance between him and the floor. He was certain that he would make it to the table, only for the realization that he was about to crash into it at full force dawning on him a moment too late. And crash, he did. He smacked into the edge of the table, the impact knocking the air right out of him.

Ooooooh…that looked like it hurt. Feo grimaced, and a pained expression made itself at home on his face. He made haste towards the bagged boy, offering a hand—that of which Fib gratefully took as he was still reeling from the ever-painful mishap. That was going to hurt tomorrow…

“You okay…?”

“. …Yeah…” The strain in Fib’s voice could’ve told otherwise. He was…just gonna lie down…yeah…wAIT no, he simply couldn’t! They had a heist to pull, and he wasn’t going down with a fight. But gOD that hurt like a bi-

“Okay…you take one side, I take the other.” Feo motioned the other boy over, who was making a speedy recovery (surprisingly enough). With stuttered breaths, Fib crouched down so he could easily slip his hands underneath the bowl, which was a lot heavier than he thought it would be. Thankfully, the burden was shared among both him and Feo, so it wasn’t as overbearing as first expected. But it was heavy nonetheless, and they were very small.

But underestimating these two would be a fatal mistake on anyone’s end. They sure packed a punch coupled by something they’ve never fallen short of… *jazz hands* strategy! Or at least some semblance of one.

“Alright…ready? One…two…one...two…”

With every hushed ‘one’, both Fib and Feo moved the foot closest to the edge in sync. And with every ‘two’, the other foot followed. It was a steady, cadenced process that worked wonders. Before they knew it, they’ve reached the very edge. Now…getting down from the table posed yet another challenge. This pudding better be worth all this effort…or Fib would’ve nigh-broken a few ribs for nothing.

His body felt strained, as did their chances of making a seamless escape with the giant bowl of pudding. And to make matters worse, footsteps were approaching, slow and lugging; surely belonged to the fat simpletons—whose minds dwelled on nothing else aside from their stomach—that often roamed around the ship. Oh no, those fat and ugly guests weren’t scoring this viand of a treat before he and Feo were. After everything they’ve been through, they should at least have THIS. Maybe for once, they could rest easy on a full stomach.

━━ ⋆✵⋆ ━━

They made it…

Not unscathed, as eluding the rapid guests on foot whilst holding a heavy glass bowl proved to be a dilemma in itself. But, they were able to get away with not-so-rotten luck. Fib never pictured their “seamless” escape with a lot of holes and loose threads, but he was satisfied with the outcome nonetheless as he sallied forth with Feo and their score towards an empty room.

Well…I wouldn’t say empty, seeing how the first to greet them were a couple of nomes. Though I wouldn’t say greet either, since they scurried off and dashed for the nearest hiding spot the moment Fib and Feo entered the room. The pair deposited the bowl down onto the floor, Feo kicking a pesky sausage away in the process.

Alas! What Fib thought was a false hope built on paper-thin chances of survival became a reality. They’d gotten away with nabbing a bowl of pudding. While this seemed trivial to any outside observer who knew not of the barbaric circumstances they were born in, it was a feather in the pair’s cap. Not only was this another success under their belt, it proved that they could work well together as a team. Yes, there were flaws in a few of their methods (e.g. Feo running in without a plan), but not everything was bound to go as swimmingly as one would expect. Besides, things turned out, didn’t they?

Feo took a moment to catch his breath, the toll this heist had taken on his body finally hitting him with the force of a bullet train. A small “heeeyyy..!!” caught his attention, his gaze redirecting towards the boy donning a paper bag.

“. .You okay..?” It was obvious that Feo was just as spent as Fib was, but it wouldn’t hurt asking.

Feo nodded—which was more of a tired bob of his head. “Y.. Yeah…I just need to uh.. sit down,” There were no chairs in sight. “Oooor not. I’ll…I’ll lean,” He props his hand up against the wall, which now served as a support beam. However, that did little to stave off the exhaustion in his weary arms and legs and he felt himself slipping with every passing second. “Or just…straight up collapse…” Aaaaaaaand onto the floor he went.

Fib felt bad for laughing, but he was relieved that it didn’t draw any offense from the other boy sprawled on the floor, who too found himself spiraling into a fit of laughter ( albeit, breathy having been worn to a frazzle). The bagged lad strolled on over to Feo’s side, taking a seat on the floor next to him. It was obvious what their next course of action was, but neither had the energy to get up and find a utensil of the sort. Not like they had the time to snag a cutlery or two while dodging guests that rampaged the halls like there was no tomorrow.

Fib casted his unseen gaze down at the other boy, paying heed to every minute detail about him. The way his chest rose and fell with every steady breath, his arms resting on either side of his head, and his long fringe sticking to his forehead with sweat. Fib hesitated for a hot second as he reached a hand towards Feo’s face, combing his fingers through his bangs by means of brushing them back a bit. With every strand of hair cleared away, he could get a good view of the clandestine top half of the boy’s face. Feo’s eyes slid open, like curtains parting to reveal a chartreuse mise-en-scène, embodying an untouched plantation with its thriving, dense growths; undefiled and free from corruption. He’d has never seen Feo’s eyes up close before. He’d gotten a coup d’oeil a few times in the past as they peered up at Fib through the long fringe, quite like a komorebi through a canopy of leaves. But being able to view them without any obscurity left the same, wonderful ache one would attain when gazing upon a sea of stars.

The paper-bag’ed boy hadn’t realized he’d been staring ‘til a good few minutes had passed, which was long enough to be deemed awkward—as attested by the subtle left-to-right shift of Feo’s eyes, like tree branches dithering by the gentle force of a zephyr.

Fib withdrew his hand and turned away, clearing his throat. Feo mused over his reaction, suppressing a small grin threatening to make itself apparent.

As a last-ditch effort in ridding them of the awkward tension permeating the air, Feo propped himself up on his elbows, casting a grateful smile up at the flustered boy. “Hey…thanks for having my back…”

Fib’s head swiveled back around so he was facing him (had he looked a liiiiitle closer, he could see Fib’s eyes widen by a fraction of an inch through the peepholes). “O-Oh.. it’s…nothing.”

“No. It’s not,” The clarity in Feo’s voice shook the other boy to the core. Not in a bad way, of course. Something about his hard-bitten tone of voice shunned every doubt or pretension of dispute, which was always followed by a swell of reassurance. It.. was something he could find comfort in. “Now it’s my turn to ask. Are.. you okay..? You crashed into the table pretty hard back there…” How Feo can shift from earnest to timid in a matter of seconds was beyond Fib, who prodded at his abdomen. It was a bit tender, but it wasn’t horrible.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve been through worse.” While Fib stated that in a manner to assure the boy that he was faring alright, it seemed to have accomplished the exact opposite.

If Feo wasn’t knackered out to the point of exhaustion, he would be pressing on that matter further. He couldn’t bear the thought of his bagged companion wagering his life on the off-chance that he’d flee from the many imminences the world threw his way. And the fact that he’d placed Fib’s life at stake during this “pudding heist” deposited a well of guilt in the hollow of his chest. But yet again, he was far too tired to dwell on it. His body was demanding the sweet release of sleep (no, not death) at this rate.

“If you’re sure..” Feo sat up, his bangs—which was long overdue for a trim—falling over his eyes, much to Fib’s dismay.

“I’m sure..! I’m sure’ing my head off, see?” Fib vigorously nodded his head, the paper bag bobbing at the sudden movement. This earned a soft giggle from the other boy, one reminiscent of tinkling, handheld bells. ‘Twas music to one’s ears, summoning a hint of cheer to a usually cheerless atmosphere. Even the nomes were beginning to ease up, identifying these two as not a foe, but a friend.

And Fib didn’t have to see the other boy’s eyes to picture two, upside-down crescent moons paired with the toothy grin plastered on his face. An imaginative young fellow he was, always trying to fill in the blanks somehow, even with what little he could pick up on through the little eye-hole cutouts of his bag.

It’s safe to say that he discovered the first two wonders of the world that day: Feo’s eyes, and Feo’s voice.

[shunshuntaiga]

heeeey, dear! 🥂💖 happy new year to you!!

idk if tumblr ate my other messages or you just didn't get a chance to answer them, but... just wanted to drop by and tell you how much i adored your soulmates au spadeliano fic. it was fucking incredible!!! just so... asdffhjllkkhdsgkj!! i have no words!! soulmate aus are hard af to write, but hooooly hell, you did yours justice. <3 i just keep reading and re reading it, i'm on love with your writing and your characterisation. you're a great writer :33

as for hanahaki... yeah, so much room to play around with it. and our two idiots would be perfect for the angst *fingers start itching as new story ideas form inside my mind*.. and you are SO right about the flower symbolism too!!

spadeliano a/b/o... now THAT'S a thought 👀 and casting aurelia as the omega? brilliant!! you just Know his dad started shoving inhibitors down his throath as soon as aureliano presented as an omega (btw i see livia as totally an alpha, which of course causes soo many conflicting feelings for aureliano). and just Imagine the absolute shitshow of a reaction the anacleti clan would have if spadi accidentally knocked up aure. just... aghhh!! someone needs to write this asap. :')

but i present you with ywt another angsty au to start 2023 with: time loop fix it au!! like... spadino is the one who keeps re-living aureliano's death. maybe the loop starts the day he can't kill manfredi and ends with spadi cradling aure's dead body on the boat. and spadino keeps trying to change things, but aureliano keeps dying. and if he doesn't die, someone else does, like angelica or nadia. whatever he does, the loop keeps resetting. and maybe the more spadi and aure sit down and talk shit out, the more self aware aureliano becomes. and idk.. yada yada, etcetera, insert plot here, BAM!! happy ending (:

aaaaanyway....so sorry to intrude like this yet again in your asks dear. i hope 2023 is kind to you <33 i hope that even if dark times come, you'll ne able to find a guiding light to get you through them. :**

Happy new year, darling anon! 🥂🍾

I think tumblr ate your messages, because I definitely haven't received any, which is unfortunate because I would have loved to read them :(

And afdhdjdkk I'm glad you enjoyed it because honestly I wasn't sure about it when I finally posted it, so thank you!

And omg yes, Livia is ABSOLUTELY an alpha in this case. I think he may be one of those, who comes from a family line of alphas, you know? Where it's a pride point of the family that Adami blood breeds strong alphas, but Aurelia is an anomaly. It would tie in so well with his family dynamic from the show.

I feel like the classic (if cheesy) story would be that Aurelia has abused inhibitors and lied about his status so as not to "tarnish the family name" or so that his men would respect him, so he doesn't feel the signs of his heat coming on when he meets Spadino. Or maybe the signs start showing when he realizes he's falling for him??? Which could be really fun.

And of course in this scenario Aure and Spadì's daughter is Rubina✨️❤️

OH. MY. GOD.

Time loop. The ANGST. OH god you're so right anon, gosh just the pain that Spadì would have to go through everytime he fails... holding Aurelia as he dies over and over again, wondering if he'll ever break out of this cycle, and thinking that it's somehow punishment for everything he's done.

And AURE.

Every loop he sees Spadino breaking down more and more, until he's basically just a shell of himself...!!! Retaining just enough memory that eventually they can work it out, and break free of it.

I'm imagining a scene after Aurelia FINALLY listens to him and they're sitting at the hotel eating pasta (obligatory pasta scene) and trying to figure out where they fucked up to fix it. Ooh the pain of Aurelia understanding the situation but still dying thoooooough. Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

And telling Spadì not to worry, maybe they did it this time, maybe it was going to be fixed. But Spadì is almost praying that it's not, because he can't imagine any timeline where Aurelia isn't by his side!!

Anon you are truly genius.

[buckets-and-trees]

Hello, Beloved! Can I please get a Directors Cut for Unholy Errand 😍

Fanfic Directors COMMENTARY ask game

OK, YES, SUZ! YES!

I've said a few scattered things about it, but I'LL DROP A COMMENTARY HERE

So it's the weekend Ghosted dropped on Apple, of course I watched it, loved the cameo moments, as silly as they were (real talk: Ryan Reynolds' cameo is by far the one I think is best done in the film). I didn't even think about writing anything for God the Bounty Hunter, but then a few people did, and I thought, oh, we theoretically could fic him, because what the small handful of people who launched out on this new Seb character immediately gave us stuff ranging from meals to snacks, and everything was delicious. AND probably the most important thing was that each of the authors took their interpretations in slightly different directions, so it actually did get my brain thinking about what my interpretation would be.

So as the weekend went on, I thought about it, but I didn't really have any inspiration for a story of any kind.

And then Sunday afternoon I was watching the clip floating around of just the triple cameo sequence of Mackie, John Cho, and then Seb, and tbh John Cho in the middle still seems strange, but then the thought, but what if Lloyd Hansen had been in the mix?, struck me like LIGHTNING and I -----

It broke my brain and consumed me, but I wasn't quite sure if it was good or possibly too unhinged, so I tapped @navybrat817 with a DM, and she validated the madness, so then I was all in.

I'd read a fair amount of Lloyd fic - also literally never thought I'd write him - but since it would be my first time with Lloyd, I watched The Grey Man again because if I was going to attempt, I wanted to be refreshed on the source material.

Now as I was figuring out who/what/where/why God and Lloyd would possibly show up for the same job and meat Reader, my initial inclination was to have a reader who was also a gun for hire be part of the mix, but my brain on the day felt like I'd either get it too complicated or too boring, and I mentioned the alternative of having it be an innocent personal assistant to the real target and then caught in the crosshairs in that same convo with Navy, and it was actually her brilliant suggestion to have it be Ransom.

At that point writing this story was pretty immersive. All the characters were pretty present in my head (even Ransom who seems to be almost a total background character...there's more to the story, this is just how this scene played out). There's some kinks at play that are usually not my thing or on the outskirts that came RIGHT IN to the action, and six months ago I certainly wouldn't have felt confident enough to take a stab at being so bold and rough and dark, but the different things I've explored built me up to this point, and so it definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone, but in a way I was ready to experiment with.

I thought it might be 2.5k, but I got around 2k and realized there was definitely going to be more action, and the same thing happened when I got up around 2.8k, and I knew there was this quieter dynamic of mutual allure between Reader and God, but that Lloyd was hogging the show, but because of the role he'd taken - driven by his motivation to even show up and respond to the hit put out on Ransom - I realized I would have to intentionally write him out of the scene so I could get him out of the office so God could have his uninterrupted wicked way with Reader and ruin her. And honestly that was kind of fun.

As I wrote this, a lot of backstory and future story popped up, so I don't have any kind of timeline for if or when I might write more for this AU, but ... I think I will eventually revisit them ... and I may or may not have scribbled out a list of "Unholy ____" future fic titles, like Unholy Conversion, Unholy Penitence, Unholy Sacrament...

[jakesimfromstatefarm]

how to fake date your best friend | jake sim

✰ summary: the rules were simple -

pretend to be the boyfriend of you, his best friend who wants the attention of their crush, for a week and a week only

no kissing (bc gross cooties amirite) allowed, unless needed in times of desperate measure 

and no matter what, absolutely, most definitely, do not fall in love. 

simple, right?

well apparently not. because news flash––jake's already broken one of the rules. 

and to give you a hint, it's neither rule 1 or 2.

✰ pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. members of enha!] 

✰ genre: fluff, comedy | fakingdating!au, highschool!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers

✰ warnings: cursing, high-schoolers doing dumb highschool things, underage drinking (pls don’t actually do any of this irl), jake being a certified simp, it’s LONG (i’m so sorry), cheesy kithes bc im a sucker for kithes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

✰ wc: a whopping 9.5k

✰ a/n: it’s finally finished :’)))))) it ended up being much longer than i wanted but i had so much fun writing the characters that i got carried away lolol anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy it,,,i got a little unmotivated during the process bc i didn’t know if it was good or not but here it is heh (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡ 

Tuesday, December 8th

Jake Sim lives a simple life. 

He likes to think he leads the normal, stereotypical life of a teenage boy. Has decent grades, plays soccer after school, skateboards around the neighborhood, has a best friend who he’s desperately in love with, and has a stable group of friends. 

Okay, maybe not so simple, because this boy would physically launch himself to the moon and drill at its surface to collect moon dust for you if you asked him to––despite his deadly fear of combusting in outer space. 

But that fear doesn’t even compare to his worst one yet: not having you in his life. 

And so, he decided to just repress any and all feelings he’s had for you ever since he discovered them in middle school, when he realized he hated seeing you go to the eighth grade dance with a date––that wasn’t him. 

He decided that he wasn’t going to risk losing a life-long friendship over some dumb, teenage boy feelings. 

They were probably powered by his testosterone anyways. Yeah, that’s totally it.

He’s totally not in love with you. 

So yes, he lives a pretty normal life. Every day is the same as the last, and tomorrow will be the same as today. But he likes it like that––he doesn’t want anything to change. 

Especially not now, when he finds himself content with every aspect of his life (okay maybe except for his history grade, god, does he hate history). 

So, it catches him off guard when you arrive at the group’s usual lunch table, located outside in your school’s courtyard, looking as excited as ever. 

Jake’s the only one at the table so far. The remaining usually showed up late––Heeseung spends his first half of lunch tutoring freshmen for community service hours (but the poor boy has no idea what he’s doing), Sunghoon is probably stuck in line in the cafeteria again (he always forgets to pack his own lunch), and Jay is...well actually, no one ever knows where Jay comes from. He’s a special one. 

It catches Jake even more off guard when you skip over any greeting a normal person would give, and start speaking at one hundred words per second. 

And that catches us up to the present.

“Y-You want me to what?” Jake’s stuttering as you stare at him with your hopeful eyes from across the lunch table. 

Despite the expression planted on your face, which screams your excitement for your “brilliant, amazing, genius, Einstein-could-never” idea (or whatever other words you used to describe it––Jake can’t exactly recall the specific terms you used, they all came out of your mouth too fast), you don’t respond to his question of bafflement. You continue to stare at him, awaiting his response. Jake could compare the look on your face right now to a puppy looking up at its owner, eagerly waiting for a treat. You know, tongue out and all. 

He swallows the lump that’s lodged in this throat (is that the sandwich he’s having, or his nerves?) and continues to give you his look of confusion laced with a nervous smile because surely, you’re joking. 

You grab what’s left of your sandwich from his hands and take your own bite. Somewhere in between you arriving at the table and now, Jake’s managed to steal the sandwich you brought today. You did make the best chicken sandwiches, in his defense. 

“Well? It’s only for the week! And I promise you, after one week, if nothing happens––if he doesn’t make a move or anything––I’ll move on from him like you’ve been telling me to.” Your words are muffled from you savoring your sandwich, or what’s left of it anyways. (Mental note to self: don’t share your lunch with Jake ever again.) 

When Jake still doesn’t respond (you’ve truly gotten this poor boy paralyzed), you find it as a sign to continue. 

“I think it’s the perfect plan. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be like the universe is telling me to finally move on, right?” 

Wrong. 

Jake has been encouraging you to move on from your crush because well, if we’re being honest here, he selfishly wants you to himself. Even if it wasn’t romantically.

Preferably, he would kill to get to be the one who holds your hand in the hall, call you cheesy pet names, post disgustingly cute couple pics for the ‘gram––but for the sake of potentially ruining his relationship with you, he’ll just have to settle with the role of being your best friend. 

(And he’s totally fine with that! Totally. Yup.) 

But he didn’t think that you moving on would only be a mere possible outcome (that may not even happen!) from whatever this stunt is you wanna pull. 

Said stunt: Pretend to date one another and hope it catches the eye of a certain someone you have your eye on: Park Sunghoon. 

Ah yes, Park Sunghoon. The previously mentioned one who’s probably still in line waiting to get his lunch as we speak. 

Park Sunghoon, the tall, kind, intelligent, charming young boy that everyone knows. And if anyone didn’t know him, they most definitely knew of him. He wasn’t hard to miss in the halls; everything about him just radiates perfection. 

If you plucked a random high-schooler from the halls of this school and interviewed them on the Park Sunghoon, they’d say you’d be lucky enough if the quiet boy so much as sparked a conversation with you, even if it was about what last night’s chemistry homework was. 

Well if that were true, then you and the rest of the boys would be considered lottery winners. 

How that happened, how the four of you dysfunctional beings earned his friendship, the world may never know. However, Jake is fully convinced that this was the universe’s way of playing a cruel joke on him. 

For as long as Jake could remember, it’s always been just the two of you. You and Jake. Jake and you. (With the exception of Heeseung and Jay, of course, who came along in middle school) 

In fact, your earliest memory of Jake was when he peed his pants in the kindergarten during nap time. You would know, you had the privilege of sharing a sleeping mat with him that one fateful day and in result...let’s just say the smell didn’t wear off from your clothes until a week later. Five-year-old you didn’t forgive five-year-old Jake for the longest time. 

And since then, you’ve been attached by the hip. And Jake liked it like that. Jake didn’t need anyone else in his life (with the exception of Leila) if he had you. He had found his home within you, and he didn’t plan on sharing his space anytime soon. 

Nevertheless, the universe had a completely different idea for the two of you. 

Sunghoon came into the picture last year, towards the end of the school year. Despite being the new kid, he found his way into your cherished friend group and naturally, the five of you grew as close as friends could be. 

That was the problem. Jake wanted to hate Sunghoon, to despise him for being the one that you had heart eyes for, but he couldn’t. 

Not only was Sunghoon one of Jake’s closest friends, but he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group. After you, the three chaotic boys were the next most important people in Jake’s life. 

And so, we have the typical love triangle plot that every coming-of-age movie follows. Of course, this is all unbeknownst to you––you may be intelligent and a people-person, but oh boy can you not see the heart eyes your very own best friend has for you. 

“It’ll be easier than you think, really! Look, we can even set boundaries or rules or whatever,” you propose, as if you’re trying to get him to sign a contract. 

Rules to a fake relationship? We’re not living in a Netflix romcom, are we? 

“Okay rule number 1: it’ll only be for a week and a week only, rule number 2: we don’t have to do anything too couple-ly like...” you pause to wonder for a second. 

“Like PDA or anything! You know, unless we really need to convince him,” you casually add. When he responds with radio silence and stares at you with absolute concern painted all over his face, you cough. “Jake, I’m joking.” 

Right. Of course. Obviously. 

“And of course, just try not to fall in love with me, it’ll be hard, I know,” you send a playful wink his way. 

Too late. Turns out it’s not that hard. Jake would know. 

Jake continues to stare at you in hesitation. Yeah, you’ve had your fair share of crazy ideas (that Jake always find himself agreeing to––the poor boy just can’t seem to say no to you), but fake dating you?

Jake is sure he wouldn’t be able to pull it off without slowly destroying himself. He’d just have to say no, he’s sure you can find someone else to do it for you. 

Yes, that’s it, just say no. 

Jake has to keep some of his pride in tact. 

Jake does not say no. 

He doesn’t know what went wrong. His mind said one thing, but his words said another. 

To be fair, Jake’s actions have always been influenced by his heart, not his brain, anyways. And when it comes to you, you bet it’ll be coming from his heart. 

So here he was now, under the stare of three equally shocked and confused guys across from you and him at the lunch table, your fingers intertwined with his.

Just a few seconds ago, you had spotted the rest of the lunch bunch approaching the table, and you quickly grabbed Jake’s hand and scooted in closer to him.  

Now here you were, explaining to your friends of your sudden relationship.  

Jake is too zoned out to even physically pick up your explanation. Something along the lines of "we’ve been dating for a while but didn’t want to tell you guys yet." From the feeling of your hand clutched tightly into his and your body right up next to him, his mind was short-circuiting. 

How is he supposed to last an entire week of this if he couldn't handle innocent hand holding? Hand holding? God, what are we, back in the fifth grade?  

Two minutes into this scheme and Jake's mind has already downgraded itself to a fifth grader's.  

Jake mentally scolds himself for giving in, this was not a good idea. 

It takes Jake approximately 12 hours to conclude that this stunt of yours may, actually, be a good idea. He knows this because approximately 12 hours after the events surrounding lunch, he receives a text from you: 

y/n [12:03AM]: thanks again for doing this for me jake

y/n [12:03AM]: ur actually the best

y/n [12:04AM]: ew ok that was cheesy but really i owe u a big one <333

Following your thread of texts is a really close up photo of you widely smiling into the camera. A smile so big, Jake’s convinced your face was probably in pain after taking that picture. 

Anyone else might’ve thought the photo looked borderline insane but because Jake’s Jake, aka a simpᵗᵐ for you, he comes to the conclusion that it’s singlehandedly the cutest thing he’s ever seen in the entire world. 

After quickly saving the selfie into his phone, Jake tells himself that maybe this won’t be a bad thing after all. I mean, anything that makes you smile like that meant it has to be a good idea, right? 

Spoken like a true simp. 

Plus, dating you––fake dating you––is pretty much the same as it was before. He already spends most of his days with you to begin with. Now, it’s just with added displays of affection. For show, obviously. Obviously. 

And look, if Jake will never get to actually be with you, then he’ll take what he can get. And if that meant fake dating you, well, he reasons that it’s better than nothing at all. 

Wednesday, December 9th 

Jake’s playing with the rings on your right hand and you’re in the middle of dramatically telling the lunch table about the infuriating Karen you had to deal with at work the other day when Jay comes up with a grin you all know a little too well. 

“Okay that grin means one of two things: you finally grew the balls to ask out that poor girl you’ve been teasing all year or you have something planned that we won’t like,” you interrupt your story when you catch Jay’s sly expression, evoking a chuckle from Jake, who’s now found a new distraction with the bracelets perches on your wrist. 

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I did ask her out. It just so happens that she’s currently ‘in between boyfriends’ whatever that means. Ouch, by the way,” Jay feigns hurt from your comment by clutching the area above his heart through his shirt. Ever the drama queen. “But yes, I do have something planned. And no, it’s not a bad idea.” 

Jay squeezes his way in between Sunghoon and Heeseung from across you and begins to pull out his own lunch. Everyone’s eyes follow him as he settles in because as bad as his unknown idea may be, you’re all still curious on what this boy has to say. 

“Well are you going to elaborate or...” Heeseung speaks up for everyone after you all mentally debate one another through darting eyes on who’s going to have to bite Jay’s silent bait.

Jay then forcefully sets both hands on his table, which elicits a little jump from you as you go for a bite of your sandwich. Adorable, Jake tells himself. 

“My parents are out of town this weekend. We all know what that means...” 

Yes. We do know what that means. The four of you have seen this scenario play out many times, a little too many times for your own good. 

This meant one of Jay’s infamous house parties that he always throws whenever his parents go out of town. And because his parents are hot-shot CEOs of an important company whose name you don’t remember (it’s nothing personal, your brain can only handle so much information and this physics exam you were studying for took up 90% of your brain capacity at the moment), they’re out of town often. 

And along with Jay’s parties comes chaos. Lots of it. And that’s because...well, it’s safe to say that despite the many school-wide presentations the police officers of your school have held in the auditorium on why you shouldn’t drink underage, Jay’s parents’ liquor cabinet always seems to find itself missing many a few bottles after each party. But we don’t talk about that. Shush. 

Almost simultaneously, everyone at the table lets out a groan, much to Jay’s disappointment. 

“C’mon guys! It’s been a while since anything’s fun happened to this school, think of all the sad students in that building right now,” he extends a finger whole-ass arm and points at your school, “who are in dire need of fun and a little...” he punctuates his sentence with the hand motion of chugging down a drink, followed with a gulping sound elicited from his tongue clicking. 

You roll your eyes along with everyone else. Don’t be like Jay, kids. Listen to those police officers. 

“Jay, it’s midterm season! I have an exam on Monday and I definitely do not want to spend the nights before wasted,” you give him an apologetic look. As crazy as Jay is, you do feel bad nonetheless. The boy just wants to have fun. 

Your response is followed up with similar comments from around the table. 

“I’m helping y/n study” 

“I have an important skating performance on Sunday” 

“Uh...my hamster died?” (ok Heeseung panicked, don’t blame the guy)

Ignoring that last excuse of an excuse, Jay continues his debate nonetheless. “Just come for the sake of it! No one’s saying you have to get wasted. Pleaseeee for me?” 

Jay throws these parties so often, you’re not sure why he’s so set on making sure you’re all going to be there. Well, I guess who wouldn’t want their closest friends to be at their own party? 

That and, Jay needs to make sure his friends are there to stop him from doing anything stupid. We all know this boy has had enough embarrassing moments to last him a lifetime. 

Everyone at the table gives each other the same hesitant look. Heeseung is the first to give in, “Oh fuck it. Sure, count me in.” 

Jay’s fist pumping the air before turning to Sunghoon with the most hopeful eyes. 

Sunghoon simply sighs in return. “Alright okay, I’ll bite. But if you vomit on my shoes again, I’m out the door.” Jay’s finger is automatically drawing a cross over his heart as a promise to not ruin Sunghoon’s Nikes again. 

He then looks to you with puppy eyes. 

You, who's already staring back at Jay with a stoic look in your eyes, are stubborn and (unlike the previous weaklings) are not as easy to convince. And somehow, this began an unannounced staring contest between the two of you, a contest to see who would budge first. This isn't an uncommon occurrence between you and Jay, but the rest of the boys are still on the edges of their seats watching this duel.

Jake casually wraps an arm around your shoulder and you’re brought in close, but still undeterred from your death-stare match with the boy across from you. 

If it’s not obvious enough, Jake’s really gotten into his role of being your boyfriend, despite it only being 24 hours since he last froze at your touch. Character development, you’ll give him that. 

You almost forget he’s faking it for a quick second. And for an even quicker second, you imagine he wasn’t faking it. And you swear you feel butterflies in your stomach at that thought. 

Weird. 

You mentally shake the thought out of your head. Priorities first, aka, beating Jay in this staring contest. 

“Fuck,” you stutter when you finally blink, admitting defeat to a grinning Jay. “Okay, okay, I’ll THINK about it. I’ll let you know.” 

Not exactly the answer Jay was looking for, but he’ll take it. Better than a no. 

He turns to Jake next, knowing there’s no way Jake will turn down a party. Just like Jay, the boy loves himself a good party. 

But–

But because Jake would take your physics exam this Monday for you if you asked, because Jake would bungee jump in the Grand Canyon without a safety net below him if you asked, because Jake would fake date you to make your crush jealous for you if you asked, he doesn’t hesitate in his answer this time around: “Same as y/n, I’ll let you know.” 

Jay looks at Jake. Then back at you, who he’s still clinging onto like a koala to a tree. Then back at Jake. “You two are gross. Admittedly cute. But gross.” 

You look up at the boy next to you to see him already grinning at you. 

For the first time today, you find yourself agreeing with Jay. 

Admittedly cute. 

Thursday, December 10th 

You are having a bad day. 

You’re having the mother of bad days. 

Not only is it midterm season, but you still have all your regular weekly assignments to finish before Friday hits. So as a natural-born procrastinator does, you stayed up all last night trying to get a good amount of work done because what’s better than cramming all your work the night before it’s due? Doing it two nights before it’s due. 

Well apparently it wasn’t such a good idea. Because now, here you were, frantically throwing on whatever articles of clothing you find nearest to you because you slept through all your alarms. 

You’re lucky enough to make it through your school’s doors right as the second bell rings, even if you did look like you just walked straight out of a zombie apocalypse. 

You’re not so lucky when you find out your first class of the day, calculus, had a pop quiz. A pop quiz on the only unit you just happened to know absolutely nothing about. 

To top things off, you forgot to pack your lunch during this morning’s frenzy, meaning you’re automatically stuck sharing with Jake.

And because his mother started making him pack his own food out of a lesson of responsibility (she said something along the lines of: “Jake, you’re about to be in college and you don’t know how to pack a decent meal”), he only has a plain PB&J sandwich and a pack of Scooby-Doo gummies in his bag today (because newsflash, he still doesn’t know how to pack a decent meal). 

Not that you could care less at the moment, you were too preoccupied with catching up on your assignments to even eat. And if any of the boys noticed your zombie-like state during lunch, they did a good job of not mentioning it. They knew better than to bother an irritated y/n. 

Somehow, you make it through the entire school day and your after-school meeting for environmental club (save the trees!) in one piece. As you finally walk out of the school building, you exhale, automatically feeling lighter. At least the hard part of your day was done. 

Now you just had to wait for Jake to finish soccer practice, which usually ended around the same time as your club, and he can drive you home, where you can continue being irritated with your day in the privacy of your own space. 

You wait on the steps of the school’s entrance, waiting for a smiley Jake to come around the corner as he usually does at 5:30pm every Thursdays. 

Yes, a smiling Jake is exactly what you needed to make your day ten times better, you conclude. 

As if on cue, you hear a ding from your phone. 

Jake [5:30PM]: ugh coach is extending practice for “team bonding” 

Jake [5:30PM]: idek what team bonding is 

Jake [5:31PM]: you ok if i cant drive you today? :// 

It’s as if the universe decided to use you as its punching bag today. 

You physically let out a distorted groan, not caring if anyone who happened to hear you thought you were a creature from out of this world, as you send him a text back.

y/n [5:32PM]: it’s all good lol have fun with tEaM bOnDiNg

Things were not all good. But no matter how upset you may be, you weren’t going to project your negative vibes onto Jake’s naturally positive ones. So you get up from the stone steps and begin your dreaded walk back home. 

It’s freezing out. You should’ve known better to just throw on a hoodie and call it a day when it’s the middle of December. But then again, you figured by now you’d be in the comfort and warmth of Jake’s car and presence...not walking home in these freezing temperatures. 

You think about Jake and how he’s probably currently suffering from not only his team bonding exercises (but really though, what are team bonding exercises?), but doing them in this weather as well. The poor boy. 

You’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by the sound of a car engine from behind you. When you don’t see it pass by you and instead hear it pull over and park next to the curb of the sidewalk you’re currently on, you automatically deduce that this is it, this is my time, I’m about to get kidnapped by whoever it is behind me but y/n, you should probably turn around and check first before you drive yourself insane in this inner dialogue. 

You turn around and squint into the front window of the car. If it were a kidnapper, this is exactly what your mother told you not to do. Her exact words were: “Run, don’t look back, and scream bloody murder.” 

Good thing it wasn’t. Just an innocent Sunghoon waving his hand at you, motioning you to get in. 

“Sunghoon?” You approach his car and stop at the passenger side’s open window. 

“y/n! It’s freezing out, I’ll drive you home c’mon,” he nods his head towards the passenger side door. 

Well, how could you say no? Sunghoon owns a nice car. Like a nice car. Like car-seat-heaters-that-make-you-feel-like-you’re-physically-melting nice. Beats getting hypothermia outside, right? 

“Why are you going home from school so late?” You ask as you settle into his car, instantly melting at the touch of the aforementioned heated seats. 

“Debate club, actually. Decided I needed another personality trait other than ice skating,” he starts the engine and begins driving towards the direction of your neighborhood. 

You laugh at his comment, you didn’t peg him as a debate kind of student. Quiet Sunghoon? Debate club? If 2 plus 2 is four...

“Hey, I don’t call you the Ice Prince for nothing! Also, don’t forget your other personality trait: forgetting your lunch every day.” 

Sunghoon quickly glances over at you to send you a dirty look (because eyes on the road, kids!), which you return with a cheeky grin. “Need I remind you that was you today?” 

“Touché,” you click your tongue. 

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the faint sound of Sunghoon's music in the background filling in the quietness.  

You’re humming along until Sunghoon breaks the silence, “Did Jake get stuck at practice again?” 

You don’t know why, but you swear you feel your heart beat faster at the mention of Jake’s name. No, that was always there right? Because you were with Sunghoon...your crush..obviously. Obviously. 

Ignoring the feeling, you turn your attention towards the boy driving you. 

“Oh yeah, something about team bonding. How’d you know?” 

“Eh, I just figured since he wasn’t driving you home like he always does.” He turns into your neighborhood. 

You nod at his answer. 

“You two make a good couple.” 

You whip your head at him. Did you hear him correctly?

“It was about time, really. You two have been ogling at one another for so long, Heeseung, Jay, and I almost placed bets on who would be the first to make a move.” 

He keeps his eyes on the road, casually going on about how you and Jake make the cutest couple he’s ever seen. 

You're frozen, unsure of what to think, let alone say. 

You think to two days ago, when you started this entire fake relationship because of the very boy driving you home right now. The same boy who's complimenting you on your fake relationship. The same boy who's supposed to be jealous over that said relationship. The same boy you’re supposed to be crushing over.

But now...only a mere 48 hours later, you were finding yourself okay with the fact that he was happy for you. And for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why you liked Sunghoon in the first place. Not saying he isn’t one to be crushed on, I mean, look at the guy. 

Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that you didn't feel nervous or giddy or..anything at all when you got into the car with Sunghoon. At least, not until Jake's name was mentioned. That's when you felt the butterflies. At the mention of Jake.  

Jake. 

Weird. 

But before you can come to a conclusion on why you're feeling the way you do, Sunghoon interrupts your thoughts.  

"Well, we're here! Say hi to your parents for me," he pulls into your driveway as you're still collecting your thoughts.  

You give him a quick thanks and one last wave as you enter the front doors of your house.  

Seeing that your only solution towards confusing feelings meant distracting yourself, distract yourself you did.  

Even if it meant distracting yourself with your piling assignments.  

The next time you look up from your work, it's suddenly way past sundown and a heavy storm has taken over. You’re surprised it hasn’t started flooding yet with the amount of rainfall you were hearing. 

You check the time on your phone, the bright 8:16PM on the screen illuminating your dimly lit room. Seeing that neither of your parents have yet to be home from work, it looks like you were going to have to settle with some instant ramen for dinner tonight.  

As you trudge down the stairs of your home, the sound of light knocking against the front door catches your attention. It's been a long day y/n, you're probably hearing things, it's definitely just the rain.

Nope. There it is again, but much louder. Much more urgent.  

You contemplate any and all potential disasters that could happen from answering the door. Only a crazy person would be willing to go out in this hurricane-like weather to be frantically knocking on your door.  

And so, you assume it has to be some psychopath trying to get into your house. Yes, there’s definitely no other logical explanation. 

You scramble around your living room, looking for the next best weapon to defend you. Resorting to the flower vase your mother keeps on the table next to the front door, you hold it out in front of you, as if you're waiting for the door to burst open.  

The knocking continues, gradually getting louder. You mentally curse at yourself for dropping out of the taekwondo class your dad signed you up for when you were younger.  

Vase in hand, you swing open the door and brace for–

"Jake? What the fuck? Get in here, you're gonna get sick!"  

You’re suddenly aware of��how stupid you look, holding a light pink vase with a couple of orchids as your only form of self-defense...for it to only be your own best friend. You immediately put it back on the table as Jake quickly rushes past you and into your humble abode.  

You close the door behind you and turn to face the soaked boy.  

“I come bearing gifts, also known as take-out and hot chocolate from that one cafe you love. Also my company, if you’ll take it. I had a feeling you weren’t having the best day today,” he’s simply standing there, holding up a large brown paper bag in one hand, and a deliciously smelling cup of hot chocolate in the other, but you’re looking at him as if he bought you the Moon. 

You stare in awe at the angel of a boy in front of you, silently thanking the stars for gifting you this amazing human being as your best friend. You don’t know what you did to deserve him. 

You give him a soft smile. “Jake, you didn’t have to. It’s practically a shitstorm out there,” you cock your head towards the window, showcasing the downpour of cats and dogs outside. Jake stays by the entrance as you go down the hall and through your house’s linen closet to find a spare towel for the drenched boy.

“Nah it’s no big deal, really. Just fulfilling my duties as your loyal boyfriend,” he grins, even though you can’t see him. He likes calling himself that. Your boyfriend.

Jake continues to shake his messy hair to get the excess rain off, giving a mental apology to whoever is going to have to mop up the puddle forming on the floor due to his unannounced visit. Probably you. 

Jake hears you laugh down the hall. “You’re really invested in your role, huh? Keep this up and you might actually trick me into believing you’re my actual boyfriend.” 

Actual boyfriend? Jake likes the sound of that. Maybe he will keep this up then.

Jake doesn’t have much experience in acting, unless you count that time he played the role of Town Villager #3 in the third grade play, so he never found it as one of his interests. But playing the role of your boyfriend was one he was willing to fulfill for the rest of life, even if it was just for show. 

Jake doesn’t respond to your comment, he’s instead self-aware of his blushing cheeks, thankful that you’re too busy rummaging through your linen closet to take notice. 

“Plus, you didn’t have lunch today and I had feeling you were going to be too caught up in your work to feed yourself anything other than instant ramen,” he sets down his gifts to you on your living room’s coffee table as you come around the corner, fresh towel and new set of clothes in hand. 

His eyes fall on the familiar looking pair of sweatpants and hoodie resting on the palms of your hands. 

Hm. A little too familiar. 

Then, it clicks in his head. 

His eyes narrow at you as you giggle at his reaction, “Oh, so it takes me getting drenched in the rain for you to finally return my clothes that I’ve been missing!?” 

“Hey! I’m not returning them, simply loaning them out to a friend who’s in dire need. You basically gifted them to me the second you left them here months ago.” 

“You’re annoying.” 

“Love you too,” you toss the clothes at him and take a seat on the floor around your coffee table, prepping the table with the boxes of Chinese food Jake supplied. 

After Jake changes into the stolen dry clothes, he takes a seat next to an already-eating you at the coffee table. 

“You. are. my lord and savior Sim Jaeyun,” you’re saying with your mouth full of fried rice. You sigh from satisfaction and rest your head against Jake’s shoulder as you continue chewing. He grins as he helps himself to his own serving of fried rice and orange chicken. 

You look up at him from your spot, “How was team bonding today?” 

Jake groans in response, clearly annoyed. “Stupid. I don’t get how doing trust falls and pyramid building is going to get us any closer. If anything, I almost FELL off that pyramid today!” 

You don’t know why, but you find yourself admiring him and his soft features as he continues to rant about one of his teammates, specifically, the one who almost dropped him. 

The way his messy hair, unkept from the rain ruining it, almost covers his eyes (but you tell yourself you like it this way, it looks more natural on him), the way the corners of his lips are always perked upwards (even when he’s ranting), the way his eyes sparkle whenever he’s truly passionate about whatever he’s talking about, the way his eyes look at you like–

“Stare much? Look, I get you can’t resist my good looks but at least be subtle about it,” he smirks at you as he takes another spoon of rice. 

You break out of his trance and scoff at him. 

“You’re cute when you rant,” you nonchalantly say as you move from your spot to mirror his actions and add more rice to your plate as well.  Jake’s stills at your sudden comment, unsure of how to respond. Lucky for him, you’re distracted by the mountain of food on your plate to even notice the blushing mess of a boy next to you. 

“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute. Or else I’d deck you right here and now for ditching me after school today.” 

Anddd there goes the moment. Leave it to you to follow up a compliment with a threat of violence. 

Jake finds it cute anyways. He always finds you cute. 

Jake narrows his eyes and lightly shoves you before an apology is written all over his face. “Sorry about that by the way. I feel awful about making you walk home when it was freezing out.” 

“Nah, it’s okay. Sunghoon gave me a ride, actually. Did you know he does debate? I guess you learn something new everyday,” you ramble, unaware of the boy next to you getting tense at the sudden mention of the other’s name. 

Up until now, Jake’s completely forgotten about Sunghoon's involvement in this entire scheme. In fact, the past 48 hours with you have felt so normal, so comfortable, he almost forgot about the deal in the first place.   “You think he has any clue?” Jake suddenly asks, referring to the plan. 

You immediately know what he’s referring to, as Jake practically worded out your very own thoughts. 

You shrug. “Not a single one. We’re practically William and Kate in his eyes. But honestly, that’s the least of my worries right now. I’m too distracted by my exams right now to care.” 

Jake feels guilty for being satisfied with your answer. He’s 100% sure that if convincing Sunghoon took you two an entire lifetime of fake dating, he’d be all too willing to do it. 

“Go to Jay’s party with me tomorrow,” he abruptly says, catching your attention as your mouth is stuffed. Cute. 

He pokes your cheek. “It’ll get your mind off of work and plus, what’s more convincing than showing up to a party with your amazing boyfriend?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jake doesn’t know where he gets his sudden surge of confidence. But he does know he loves calling himself your boyfriend...even if it’s for the time being. 

Rolling your eyes and swatting his poking fingers away from your face, you ponder on his suggestion. 

“You mean my annoying boyfriend,” you stick your tongue out at him. Jake takes a mental picture and hopes it never leaves his mind. 

“But I guess you could be right. Maybe I can clear my head for the night before I study my ass off all weekend.” 

Friday, December 11th 

The party does not clear your mind. 

If anything, it gives you enough headaches to last you at least until the end of high-school. 

You come to this revelation as you and Jake approach Jay’s home, a luxurious mansion sitting at the end of a cul-de-sac, lined with similarly luxurious palaces, located in an equally luxurious neighborhood. 

You come to this revelation when you can already feel the pounding bass of music as you walk up Jay’s driveway. 

You come to this revelation when, not even two seconds after entering Jay’s front doors––

“You’re here!” A buzzed Jay shouts at the two of you, causing the both of you to contemplate your past choices that brought you here today. Jay definitely isn’t straight up drunk yet, but Jake still makes a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight. Just in case. 

The blonde-haired boy is quick to hand over two red solo cups of god knows what, to which you and Jake immediately put down on the nearest table after Jay walks away to greet the next incoming guests (you know, to not hurt his feelings). 

You and Jake are lucky enough to have been around Jay and his parties long enough to know that going all out at these parties will not be pretty the next morning.

You cringe at the memory of last year, when you had to suffer from possibly the worst hangover of all hangovers after one of Jay’s parties. Jake will never let you forget how miserable you looked the next morning. His camera roll’s album titled “y/n blackmail pics” can vouch for that.

“Remind me again to never listen to you,” you almost have to shout at Jake over the thumping music. Jake laughs at your comment and tugs at your hand as he begins entering the house.

The two of you do your rounds of greetings to the people you know...and random underclassmen who you swear you have never seen before but somehow made it to this party. You’ve always questioned how Jay’s invite list worked. Maybe there isn’t one. That would explain how it looked like someone announced Jay was giving out free Teslas and the entire school got hold of the news. 

“Thank god you guys are here,” you hear a voice come from behind the two of you as you guys leave the main room to enter the house’s smaller, but just as luxurious looking, den. You turn to see Heeseung with Sunghoon following closely behind, trying his best not to get swept away in the crowd of people. 

The den is where you usually stayed during these parties. It’s not like there are rules of where people are allowed to party, by any means, but it’s like how a high-school’s cafeteria worked. There’s a mutual silent agreement of where everyone goes, and the den is where the party host and his friends went.  

“Okay, is it just me, or is tonight’s party just a little...too..much?” Sunghoon asks as the four of you take your seats on the main couch of the room. Jake’s quick to make space for you next to him as you go to sit, but to his surprise, you find your home right on his lap. 

“You said be convincing right?” you say into his ear as you settle yourself. Right. That’s totally why. Because you had to go along with the ruse. Obviously. 

You shift a bit so you’re more facing sideways, not blocking off Jake’s line of vision as the boy himself is..well, calling him a rag doll might be excessive. 

But he’s sure he looks like one right now, having lost all senses in his limbs, leaving him frozen underneath you. 

Jake Sim is the epitome of politeness. He was raised in a family that taught him how to respectfully greet others, how to always offer food to others before eating it himself, how to properly treat a significant other. As a result, Jake grew up to be one of the sweetest, kindest, purest people to ever walk this earth. 

(Relatively speaking, the earth is large, but so is Jake’s heart.) 

But human-beings aren’t perfect, they must have a balance. A balance of pros and cons. 

Sure, he can’t pack his own lunch and sometimes forgets to water the little succulent you gifted him that’s currently seated on his window sill. Sure, sometimes he’s too sweet for his own good, you know, like willing-to-be-your-fake-boyfriend too sweet. But aside from the minor details, Jake Sim doesn’t have many cons, no. 

But he sure can be awkward. 

And so because Jake Sim is sweet, kind, pure, and awkward, he is unsure of what to do with himself when you’re seated right on top of him. 

As if you could read his befuddled mind, you take his arm that’s resting behind you to wrap around your waist as your support as you throw one of your arms around his shoulder. And throughout this entire adjustment, his widened eyes are staring right at you. 

Bless this pure, pure boy. 

Also bless the position you’re in, blocking the two other boys from directly seeing Jake’s face. Because if they were to catch glimpse of Jake’s expression right now, your cover might be blown, just like that. You’re lucky Heeseung and Sunghoon are distracted by another classmate who came up to them. 

“Relax,” you sweetly laugh, cupping his chin with your free hand and lightly squeezing his cheeks. “You’re so adorably awkward.” 

Jake pouts at you. “I am not awkward!” 

“Right, and I’m totally dating you for real,” you playfully whisper at him, eliciting a poke at your waist in response. 

Twenty minutes of people-watching-aka-“who do you think is gonna pass out first?”-from-your-spot-on-the-couch later, the four of you draw your attention to the rowdy party host you all have the honor of calling your friend––aka Jay––dancing (that is, if you call wildly swinging your limbs in all four directions dancing) in the middle of the den. 

"Oh god, look at him," Sunghoon voices from besides you.

Heeseung's already filming the moment on his phone. Ah yes, technology. The best thing to ever happen to drunk teens' friends.  

"He's so wasted," you throw your head back as you let out a laugh. “We should help the kid out.” 

Poor Jay. He's not gonna hear the end of it after tonight.

"I don't know why he thinks these parties are such a good idea when he knows how trashed he's gonna be when he wakes up," Jake says, his hand naturally squeezing your waist as you giggle at his comment. "And how trashed the house will be."  

Jay slumbers over to where the four of you are seated, and abruptly stops right in front of the couch.

"My best friends!" Jay happily cheers. “Having fun?” 

“Watching you? Always,” you say to the boy who’s squeezing into a seat between you and Sunghoon, as if the small couch wasn’t already suffocating enough (and that’s with you on Jake’s lap). 

“But for real though, you should probably lay off the drinks for now,” Heeseung insists. “For all our sakes.” 

Sunghoon nods along and grabs the cup Jay’s currently nursing and sets it down where it’s out of Jay’s reach, much to his dismay. But the disappointment quickly leaves the dazed boy’s head, as his attention is now directed towards you and Jake. 

“Well if it isn’t mom and dad,” Jay turns to face you and Jake, certainly amused by your seating arrangement. 

“You know–” Jay points a finger at the two of you. “For a couple that’s certainly close, I haven’t seen you two kiss.” 

Jake is immediately coughing, certainly not expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth. 

“Okay and your point is?” Jake frowns at Jay. If Jay wasn’t tipsy, Jake would’ve smacked the back of his head by now. 

“I’m just saying...” the blonde responds, both hands up in the air as if Jake is accusing him of something, when in was, in fact, the opposite. “But nevermind, Jakey boy here is probably too innocent for such nonsense anyways.” 

Yes, it’s confirmed. Once Jay sobers up tomorrow, Jake is driving over to his house (even though it’s a good ten minute drive from his own) just to smack him. 

“What do you mean I’m too–” 

Jake doesn’t finish his sentence. In fact, Jake doesn’t even remember what he was going to say. 

Jake doesn’t think nor feel anything else other than your lips planted on his. 

You’re pulling him in close, your hands cupping his face as his own are twitching on your waist, his mind flustered. You move your hands from his face to his neck, to which Jake immediately relaxes at. 

Sure, you two are in the middle of a dumb high-school party, one filled with pounding music and shouting teenagers, but right now, in this moment, Jake can only feel you. And he doesn’t want the feeling to ever stop. 

When you part, Jake’s eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, his own parted in shock. He thinks he might pass out right here and now. He thinks his heart might explode right here and now. He thinks he might lov-

“Happy?” you turn to a satisfied Jay, ignoring the looks of amusement from Heesung and Sunghoon besides him. 

“Well,” you pat Jake’s leg as you get up from your spot. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Punch only, of course.” 

Jake’s eyes are on you as you walk away, his face tinted pink from the adrenaline of it all, his heart racing. 

Jake thinks back to three days ago, when he told himself that this idea of yours was going to be all fine. After all, it was only going to be for one week. Afterwards, he can move on with his life as if nothing happened. 

But fast forward 72 hours later, 72 hours after you and Jake started this act, 72 hours after Jake told himself it’ll be all fine, Jake knows he was poorly mistaken.

Because 72 hours later, in the middle of a party that reeked of the combined smell of alcohol and sweat, Jake knows one thing and one thing for sure.

He never wants to move on from the feeling of being with you. He never wants to move on from this.

From you. 

He’s screwed. 

Saturday, December 12th 

When Jake wakes up, much later than he intended to, on Saturday morning, the first sensation he feels are his tingling lips, still in disbelief that they graced your own last night. 

The second sensation being his pounding mind––it’s running through ten million thoughts at a time, telling him no last night wasn’t a dream. 

Third: his heart beating so fast at the thought of you, he thinks he might beat out of his chest.

And fourth, a buzzing noise. 

Jake blindly flounders his arm to the table beside him in hopes of finding the origin of the annoying sound, aka, his phone. 

After knocking down multiple miscellaneous items on his nightstand (he makes a mental note to clean his room later), he successfully retrieves the item of search. 

Jake squints at the bright screen, mind still cloudy from a mix of 1) being half-asleep, and 2) still processing what happened the night before. 

y/n [11:10AM]: r u awake yet? 

y/n [11:22AM]: imma take that as a no

y/n [11:35AM]: lemme know when ur up 

jake [11:44AM]: just woke up sorry 

jake [11:44AM]: are you okay? what’s up

y/n [11:45AM]: r u busy? 

y/n [11:45AM]: kinda wanted to talk abt smth

jake [11:45AM]: uh well no im still in bed lmao

y/n [11:46AM]: cool im outside your door 

Jake’s eyes widen as he processes your last few texts. 

Talk? Outside his door? 

Jake’s heart is nervously pounding as jumps out of bed and quickly puts on the first plaid flannel he finds. He scrambles to his mirror and gives his reflection a quick run-down. 

He’s sporting your his favorite hoodie underneath the flannel that’s long overdue a wash and his tousled hair has seen better days, but he couldn't care less. 

Before his mind can catch up to his actions, he’s rushing down the stairs, skipping two at a time and to this front door. Because he didn’t want to keep you waiting? Because he was too excited to see you? Maybe a mix of both. Definitely more of the latter, however. 

He quickly runs a hand through his hair to try to fix it up as much as he can, to no avail, before opening the door to reveal you, sitting on the steps of his front porch. 

“y/n,” he’s breathing heavily as you turn to greet him with your sweet smile he didn’t even realize he was missing. Is it possible to miss someone overnight? Jake concludes yes, it definitely is. 

“Did you run down here or something?,” you question his out-of-breath state, a teasing tone laces the tip of your tongue. 

“Or something,” Jake mutters as he closes the front door behind him to join you on the steps when you make no sign of moving. “Have you been out here all morning?” 

“Not allll morning. I had a feeling you’d sleep in so I came around the time I first texted you. Would’ve knocked but didn’t wanna bother your family,” you hum, keeping your eyes trained on the peaceful scenery around you. 

You’ve always loved Jake’s neighborhood, it brought you a sense of peace, a sense of home. 

Or was that because it reminded you of Jake? 

“You could never be a bother,” he quickly rebuttals as he takes his seat next to you on the steps. 

You respond with a soft smile before turning your attention back to anything other than the boy next to you. Your mind seems to be lost in its own thoughts, Jake can tell by the distant look in your eyes. 

The sound of birds chirping in the distance fills the silence that falls between the two of you. 

Any other day, Jake would love this. He savors every second he’s with you, even if it’s just pure silence. 

But this silence was different. It wasn’t the usual comforting, warm silence that the two of you share on a typical day. This one held tension, tension so thick that Jake doesn’t know where to begin thinking. 

But here’s the thing. Jake doesn’t think. 

Not when it comes to you. 

He takes a deep breath. Rubs his hands together. Pats them on his lap. Turns towards you. 

“Look, I-” 

“I think I might like you.” The words come out of your mouth so fast, Jake’s positive he heard you wrong the first time around. 

He whips his head to meet your eyes, your own already staring back at him, your bottom lip nervously tucked under your teeth. 

“No, I––I do. I know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now,” the words are all of the sudden tumbling out of your mouth as if your brain flipped a switch and isn’t able to turn it off. “In hindsight, I should’ve known better to fake date my own best friend. But these past few days made me realize how much I love being with you. And not like how I’m always with you 24/7 before this entire thing started, but being with you. I even started getting that weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach every time I so much as heard your name. And then last night at the party, I realized afterwards that I wouldn’t have kissed you if some part of me didn’t see you in that way. Even if it meant Jay would’ve been on our asses all night if I didn’t. So yeah.” 

You finish with a deep breath and look up at him to meet his widened eyes. Silence.

Jake thought he was braindead during last week’s history quiz. Jake thought he was braindead when he had to cram a semester’s worth of chemistry content the night before his exam. Heck, Jake thought he was braindead when you first told him about your idea of a fake dating him. But no, this is braindead.

He’s finally hearing what he’s been dreaming of for so long, and of all times, now his brain decides to shut off.  

“Are you..uh..are you gonna say anything?” You’re nervously fumbling with your hands, desperate to distract yourself with anything else apart from his silent stare. 

"Why are you sorry?" Jake says before his mind can think of anything else. He doesn't pay attention to his thumping heart that's one look-from-you away from exploding right then and there. "You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you took the words right out of my mouth.” 

Now you're staring at him with the wide eyes, the words processing in your mind.

Jake realizes he's waited too long to do this. A few years too long. He also realizes he shouldn't have put on that extra layer of a flannel. The nervous tension created by the two of you was suffocating enough, and being outside under the bright sun didn’t help. 

"I like you too. God y/n, I like you too so much," Jake doesn't even care if his words are all sorts of messed up right now. He just needs you to get the idea. "I have for a while now.” 

You let out a relieved sigh, ecstasy rushing through your blood. “Really? I think I have for a while too. I’m so stupid, it took me so long to realize it. It didn’t hit me until I realized how I felt around you, compared to the guy I’m supposed to actually have a crush on.” 

Jake lets out a laugh, the tension immediately dissolving. “Hey, if it wasn’t for Sunghoon, I don’t think we’d be here right now.” 

“You’re right, I’m too oblivious and you’re too awkward to actually make a move,” you wink at him. If his heart wasn’t fluttering at the sight of you, on his porch on a Saturday morning, confessing your feelings to him, Jake probably would’ve lightly shoved you away. 

Instead, he’s turning to you with the most endeared look on his face, and you’re blushing underneath his gaze.

“What? Stare much?” You giggle, quoting the boy himself as you shyly duck your head to avoid his stare. 

Jake gently grabs your chin to tilt your face towards his, and before you can process what’s happening, he suddenly meets your lips with his own, closing the gap between you two. 

Jake thinks if the ground underneath him right now decided to open up and swallow him whole, he’d die happily. 

Jake smiles against you, feeling comfort in ways he’ll never be able to achieve without you. 

Your hands instinctively find their way into his hair, as one of his rests below your ear, thumb softly caressing your cheek, the other pulling you in by the waist. He’s naturally leaning into you, gravitating towards your warmth, unable to stop the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach. 

He doesn’t think the feeling will ever go away. 

When you pull away to catch your breath, you rest your head against the nook of his neck, basking in his presence as his arms both find their way around your waist. You sigh in pleasure. 

“Remember at the beginning of all of this, when you told me ‘Just try not to fall in love with me?’” Jake gently says. Jake feels the slight nod you give against his shoulder as you hum in response. 

Jake whispers two more words into your ear, filling you with happiness and warmth you know you won’t be able to find through anyone––or anything––else. 

“Too late.” 

✰ if you made it ‘til the end, ily :’))))) 

[celiabowens]

Adult SFF edition

High/Epic Fantasy

The Lies of Locke Lamora: heist fantasy following a band of misfits! It has morally gray characters, fun banter but heartwrenching moments and a pretty complex plot. It’s a classic to say “if you liked Six of Crows and want to try adult SFF try this” and it’s probably true. 

Kushiel’s Dart: a political fantasy tome loosely inspired by Europe in the Renaissance. Pretty heavy on romance and erotica (with BDSM elements) as it follows a courtesan navigating the political scene. It has an amazing female villain.

A Darker Shade of Magic: probably the easiest way to approach adult fantasy. It has multiple Londons and a pretty unique magic system and concept, plus a crossdressing thief, knives and great banter. 

The Poppy War: grimdark fantasy (TW: abuse, self harm, rape, drug abuse), inspired by Chinese history. It’s adult, but follows younger MCs and the unique blend of different historical periods/inspirations makes it extremely interesting. The characters are extremely fucked up in the best possible way, plus the use of shamanism is awesome.

The Sword of Kaigen: if you liked The Poppy War you could like this one. The Sword of Kaigen is an Asian-inspired militaristic fantasy, with elemental magic, a badass housewife dealing with her past and hiding a sword in her kitchen’s floor. It has interesting and nuanced family dynamics and a great reflection on propaganda and the use of narratives.

The Priory of the Orange Tree: high fantasy, featuring dragons, a F/F romance and pretty complex world building. The author reuses typical fantasy tropes and roles in a fresh way. Very readable in spite of its length.

Empire of Sand: inspired by Mughal India, this one focuses on culture and religion and has great slow burn romance (TW: abuse, slavery). It’s pretty slow paced, but the payoff is great. Also a good "YA crossover”.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms: first book in a companion novel trilogy, following a young woman who finds herself at the center of a vicious political struggle, as she’s suddenly become the heir to the throne. 

Black Sun: first book in a new series by Rebecca Roanhorse, inspired by pre-Columbian societies and cultures. It mainly focuses on religious and political conflicts. TW for abuse, mild body horror and suicide (not very graphic). Nice inclusion of lgbt rep across the whole cast + one of the main characters is blind. Great world building!

Historical Fantasy

The Night Circus: perfect transition from YA to Adult for a reader, The Night Circus is a gorgeous historical fantasy romance. The author’s writing is amazing, the descriptions and the subtlety of the main characters’ relationship are to die for.

The City of Brass: political/historical fantasy tome featuring Middle Eastern mythology. It follows younger MCs (honestly another series that could be a good way to approach adult SFF) and has great character growth throughout the series. The first book has some more trope-y elements, but the payoff is worth it. 

The Golem and The Djinni: historical fantasy (if you loved The Night Circus you could like this one), following two mythical creatures as they navigate New York in 1899. Slow burn romance, rich descriptions, fascinating combination of Jewish and Syrian folklore.

Gods of Jade and Shadow: a fantasy bildungsroman set in Mexico during the Jazz age. Another great way to approach adult SFF as it follows a young girl on a life changing adventure. It features Mayan mythology and a god slowly becoming human.

The Ghost Bride: set in Malaya in 1893, it follows the daughter of a ruined man as she receives the proposal to become a ghost bride. Lovely setting, rich in culture and extremely atmospheric.

The Bear and The Nightingale: a coming of age story inspired by Russian folklore. Another great way to start reading adult SFF: it’s very atmospheric and fairy tale-like. Also frost demons are better than men.

Queen of the Conquered: first book in a fantasy duology(?) set in an alternate version of the Caribbean at the time of Scandinavian colonisation. It follows Sigourney, a biracial woman (her mother was a slave, freed by her father) and the only islander who is allowed to own and use kraft and therefore has a position of privilege, which she constantly abuses, while telling herself she’s doing it for the islanders’ benefit. The book is hard to read, because the MC is no hero and her POV can be quite challenging to get through, but if you’re up for it I’d totally recommend this. (TW: slavery, abuse, death).

The Lions of Al-Rassan: this one has minimal fantasy elements, much like other Kay books, as it reads more like an alternate history. Using Moorish Spain as a template, it deals with the conflict between Jews, Muslims and Christians. Much like Under Heaven and most of his historical fantasy it shows common people being swept up in dramatic events. 

Urban Fantasy

The Divine Cities trilogy: starting with City of Stairs, it follows a female diplomat and spymaster(!!). The whole trilogy features an interesting discussion about godhood, religion, fanatism, politics, without ever being boring or preachy. It has complex and rich world building and a pretty compelling mystery.

Foundryside: heist fantasy following a thief as she’s hired to steal a powerful artifact that may change magical technology as she knows it. Also, slow burn F/F romance.

Jade City:  a wuxia inspired, gangster urban fantasy. Great family dynamics, very interesting political and economical subplots. 

One for My Enemy: sort of a modern Romeo and Juliet, but set in New York, starring two magical gangster families. The female characters are to die for.  

Trail of Lightning: inspired by Native mythology and the idea of subsequent worlds. It has a kickass MC and a good mix of original elements and typical UF tropes. You could like this if you liked the Kate Daniels series.

American Gods: a classic of the genre, pretty much brilliant in how it reuses old mythology in a modern setting.

Retellings

Spinning Silver: a very loose retelling of Rumpelstiltskin, with a gorgeous atmosphere. It mainly follows female characters from different social and economical backgrounds and reuses the original tale to challenge the antisemitic ideas around the role of the moneylander.

The Queens of Innis Lear: fantasy retelling of King Lear, very atmospheric and gorgeously written. Slow paced, but very satisfying build up, lots of backstabbing and miscommunication. (heads up though, one of the MCs is coded as aroace and I found the rep pretty bad on that. The book does feature casual bisexual rep though, which was great)

Lady Hotspur: genderbent retelling of Henry IV, set in the same world as The Queens of Innis Lear. Lesbian and bisexual rep. Heavy on political subplots, features ambitious women growing into their roles.

Deathless: sort of a retelling of Koschei the Deathless set in the first half of the 20th century. Brilliant reuse of Russian folklore to weave together politics and history. It does have pretty brutal descriptions of war, morally gray characters, unhealthy relationships and overall a lot of mindfuckery.

Space Opera

A Memory Called Empire: space opera inspired by the Mexica and middle period Byzantium. It focuses on topics like colonialism and the power of narratives and language. It has one of the best descriptions of what it’s like to live in between spaces I’ve ever read. Also very interesting political intrigue and has a slow burn F/F romance (and a poly relationship recalled through flashbacks).

Ninefox Gambit: a Korean-inspired space opera with a magic system based on math. It’s honestly quite convoluted and difficult to follow, but it also features some of the best political intrigue I’ve ever read. Plenty of lying, backstabbing and mind games. It also features lesbian and bisexual rep and an aroace side character (TW: mass shooting, sexual assault).

The Light Brigade: militaristic space opera set in a not-so-defined future in which corporations rule Earth and space in general. The book follows a newly enlisted soldier as they go through gruelling training and experience the side effects of being broken down into atoms to travel at the speed of light. It’s a heavy book, featuring raw descriptions of war, and quite difficult to follow (non-linear timelines...) but it’s also an amazing critique of capitalism and political propaganda (TW: death, mass shooting).

Gideon the Ninth: pretty much lesbian necromancers in space. Very loose world building, but a fun mystery full of banter. Can be quite confusing in the beginning, but a relatively easy and fun way to approach science fiction.

The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet: character driven space opera featuring a found family journeying through space. A fun read, that also deals with topics such as sexuality and race. Quite easy to go through, as the world building and plot aren’t particularly complex themselves. Also features a F/F romance. 

Science Fiction-Fantasy that I can’t fit anywhere else

Vicious: college roommates put themselves through near-death experiences to obtain super powers, only everything goes wrong. Follows a great band of misfits (and pretty much everyone is morally gray).

Middlegame: a brilliant and complex tapestry of alternate timelines, following telepathically connected twins trying to escape the alchemist that wants to use them to obtain godhood (TW: attempted suicide).

Piranesi: the long awaited return of Susanna Clarke, Piranesi is an odd, mysterious book set in a house with infinite rooms and endless corridors, apparently inhabited by only two people. 

Bonus Novella recs: novellas are amazing and don’t sleep on them!

The Empress of Salt and Fortune: an Asian-inspired fantasy novella, it gives a voice to people usually silenced by history. It follows a cleric (non binary rep) as they chronicle the story of the late empress, retold through objects that she used in her life. It focuses on bonds between women and the power that lies in being unnoticed.  

The Black God’s Drums: an urban fantasy novella, based on Orisha mythology and set in an alternate, sort of steampunk, New Orleans. 

The Haunting of Tram Car 015: alternate steampunk Cairo populated by supernatural entities. It has a compelling mystery, starring a great lead.

This Is How You Lose the Time War: epistolary set during a time-travel war, F/F romance and gorgeous prose. 

The Citadel of Weeping Pearls: a novella set in the Xuya universe (a series of novellas/short stories set in a timeline where Asia became dominant, and where the space age has empires of Vietnamese and Chinese inspiration), but can be read as a standalone. It’s a space opera featuring a disappeared citadel and the complex relationship between the empress and her daughter as war threatens her empire.

To Be Taught, If Fortunate: an incredibly heartwarming and yet meaningful novella about research and the meaning of it. It’s the tale of 4 astronauts on a crowdfunded mission to explore space, to observe and report without conquering. It’s written in lovely prose and is very casual in its lgbt rep.

The Deep: very good novella set in an underwater society built by the descendants of African slave women that were tossed overboard. It’s not an easy read at all, as it deals with trauma, both personal and generational ones. 

Bonus short story collections recs

A Cathedral of Myth and Bone: 16 short stories featuring myth, legend and faith, that mainly focus on women reclaiming their agency. 

The Paper Menageries and Other Stories: features plenty of different fantasy and science fiction subgenres. The Paper Menagerie in particular is an extremely moving tale.

Conservation of Shadows: science fiction-fantasy short stories that focus on topics like colonisation and the role of art and language. 

Graphic Novel

Monstress: series set in an alt 1900s matriarchal Asia, following a teenage girl who survived a war and shares a connection with a monster that’s slowly transforming her. (TW: slavery, death).

[queercore-curriculum]

Love in a Time of Hardship: An Anthology of Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde Fanfiction

Binding, cover design, and layout by me. Bound with hand-dyed variegated linen thread using a variation on a long stitch binding I designed myself. Here’s what’s inside:

At Your Convenience by @holoxam​​

A really lovely, intimate post-campaign fic in which Zolf and Wilde are in a QPR and don’t need to talk about it, thank you very much. I love this fic, it’s such a wonderful little slice of life and captures their dynamic so perfectly.

Would You Cast Me to the Wayside by lily_rainn

An incredibly thoughtful and humane depiction of Zolf and Wilde negotiating the beginning of their relationship. Neither of them have the vocabulary to fully understand what’s happening, but they’re trying so hard because they care so much about each other, and it’s just great.

The most dangerous thing is to love by @makesometime 

An ancient Greek gods AU that’s just unbelievably good. makesometime seamlessly weaves Greek mythology into the RQG world all while not just maintaining perfect characterization, but actually elevating these characters to match the beautiful world she created. 

Wake up by @makesometime​​

Zolf waiting for Wilde to wake up post-ep.177. This was the first RQG fic I ever read, and it’s very, very special to me. Zolf is so painfully tender and anxious, and it makes my heart ache every time.

Inevitable by Miri1984 / @icescrabblerjerky 

“Post 177 Zolf and Wilde have sex and feelings,” really the most succinct way of putting it. Such an intense distillation of all my feelings about Zoscar!

What We Worship by Miri1984 / @icescrabblerjerky​​

AU where Wilde dies in the airship crash and doesn’t get better. Really wonderful worldbuilding for the RQG-universe afterlife, and so beautifully written and poignant.  

The Right Questions by @newsbypostcard

Just two complicated and emotionally-repressed dudes negotiating their relationship after one of them rescues the other from death. Fuck, the characterization in this fic is so good. A prime example of why fic is so often better than canon. 

Small Intimacies by @newsbypostcard​​

Zolf and Wilde go to bed and have a conversation. That’s it, that’s the fic, and it’s the single greatest “mortifying ordeal of being known” fic I have ever read. It's the kind of story I dream about finding, one that teaches me more about characters I love and illustrates exactly why they mean so much to me. A perfect fic, easily one of my favorite fics of all time.

Until We Meet Again by @queercore-curriculum​

Zolf and Wilde cross paths after Zolf leaves Prague and while Wilde is still on the run from La Gourmand. Eh, I feel weird reccing my own fic, but I’m pretty proud of this one, actually.

Warm and Dry by @queercore-curriculum​

Caf​é AU where baker!Zolf teaches writer!Wilde how to bake bread. I had a lot of fun writing this, and if I can get my shit together I’ll finish writing the extended version, Coriander.

find your feet by @starstrung​

Zolf and Wilde hide their relationship from Earhart aboard the Vengeance. I. LOVE. THIS. FIC. starstrung writes one of my all-time favorite Wildes, and this is an absolute delight to read. Zolf and Wilde often live in dark, angsty places, but this is just so joyful and fun and hot while still staying so true to character. I promise this fic will make your day brighter.

love is a sacrament by @starstrung​

An 18-month time gap fic that’s just fucking perfect. Feat. an extra guarded Wilde (again, one of my all-time favorites) and an extra tender Zolf, and it’s so, so, so wonderful. 

Woven Up by tuesdaycoming

A deep dive into Zolf’s backstory and his layers upon layers of grief. This fic just blew me away, brilliant worldbuilding and an absolute masterclass in showing-not-telling. 

Absolutely Unlike Harrison Campbell by ZaliaChimera / @zalia​

Zolf is bored and propositions Wilde to pass the time. This fic is very hot, but I also found it incredibly moving. ZaliaChimera takes a really unflinching look at these two very emotionally-repressed dudes that don’t particularly like one another and shows a different kind of intimacy than we often see in fic, one that’s a little rough around the edges and brutally honest. 

Look, I may need to make a second Zoscar anthology, and another anthology of RQG mixed-bag ships--the RQG fandom is just so fucking talented. If you have any recs of your own, please send them my way!

More pics below the cut!

My Rusty Quill ficbinding shelf :D

[ficsex]

I know it's not the purpose of this blog, so please feel free to ignore, but you seemed like a great person to ask. I'm a teacher and have the chance to revamp the sex ed curriculum of our school next year (for 13/14 yo). The two pillars I want to build it around are consent (eg making informed choices, respecting other's choices) and realism (esp. in regards to diversity eg different bodies, sexual/romamtic orientation) Are there ressources you recommend?What do you think kids should def learn?

oh my GOD do I have thoughts about this. This is what I paid 80k to do!

(don’t go to grad school, kids)

To start, resources:

The Advocates for Youth 3Rs curriculum, Rights, Respect, and Responsibility - a free curriculum, some of the developers are colleagues and professors of mine. It’s a gem and I love it, and there’s no reason to not download it. Free!

Our Whole Lives, Sexuality Education for grades 7 - 9 - not free ($75), but absurdly cheap compared to what a curriculum of this caliber could be. Though it’s developed by UU and UCC, it is a secular curriculum, and is honestly one of the finest that I know of. 

25 Great Lessons Plans about Sexual Orientation is $79 dollars, but I got a free copy from attending the National Sex Educators Conference a few years ago, so let me know if you want a photo of the table of contents, and some scanned lesson plans (this offer is only open to active teachers, I don’t want to take money from the CSE).

A book that I am currently obsessed with is “Let’s Talk About It - The Teen’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Being a Human”. This is less helpful for creating a curriculum, but is so rich and educational and fun to read and brilliant, that having a few copies on hand for teens is invaluable. 

Me! You can reach out to me by PM (I think I have PMs on?) or through the contact page of my website, Cerebral Sexuality, and I can give you more info an support than just this post will give you.

Now, on to realism: 

This one is hard, just because most anatomical models and images are of thin white people. You might have a hard time finding pictures of reproductive anatomy that match what people actually look like, so make sure that your slides and worksheets have fat bodies, disabled bodies, people of color, people of all different ages, etc. Acknowledge that to your students! “This is what exists and it sucks, but I want you to know that bodies can look so many different ways!”

When you write situations for, like, role-playing or group discussions, vary the identities of the participants. It may be tough, but try and come up with scenarios that LGBTQ people or people in ethnic groups different from yours might actually be in. You can include scenarios like “Mark’s girlfriend put his wheelchair in a different room, so he’s not sure how to get home” and “Lisa and Miriam kiss in the locker room after gym class, and it’s going further than Miriam wants it to go” - their gender or physical ability or ethnicity aren’t necessarily central to the conversation, but it brings diverse experiences to the table. 

Some kids will think it’s hokey (”oh, our teachers sure are shoving all of this ‘diversity representation’ into every lesson!”) and other kids will trust you because they will finally feel seen in a classroom. 

Consent:

Ah, my favorite topic in the world - saving the best for last!

Make sure consent is present in every single lesson, even if it’s not the point of the lesson. Give content warnings at the beginning of classes with heavy topics; let students know that if they are uncomfortable, they can request accommodations or changes; give them assignments that include communicating and compromising with other people in the class; let them know they can say no to you (I know this one is tough because some students will just be like, fuck it fine, never doing assignments). You can be transparent that all of this is to get them used to consent being a thing that’s not just about actively boning, but that it’s something that should be present in all interpersonal connections. 

The Planned Parenthood FRIES model of consent is my absolutely favorite. It’s easy to teach, and easy to refer back to constantly. So if you teach that one early, later you can be like “hey, this is our STI lesson - how does communicating about STIs relate to the “Informed” part of FRIES consent?” “this is our discussion about power dynamics - where does “Freely Given” connect with this?”

This video is a great, great one for you and students to watch, re: what sex and consent and sexual relationships can look like. Al Vernacchio’s TED Talk on metaphors for sex. There’s a great activity that comes from this video, where you pair / trio up your students and have them try and pick pizza toppings together, and then break down how the communication worked. 

Okay, so. I have a million more thoughts and feelings, but this is a good start! Let me know if you have more questions, if you want some personalized assistance helping with the curriculum, if you want more book recs, etc. 

So exciting, ahhhh!  Good luck!

[tooruluv]

Kei Tsukishima x F!Reader ( part 4 )

❝ they were the sun and moon, destined to be together but only ever totally meeting once every hundred years or so. ❞

description: in a world where you only see color when you're in love, you've grown frustrated of the greyscale. but falling in love with someone you barely know was never something you planned. and, him not returning the feelings definitely wasn’t planned.

genre: soulmate au... except not quite. everyone is born colorblind. you can only see color once you fall in love (and it grows brighter until you see full color as the love grows). however, that doesn't ensure a lasting connection. it simply means that love exists in that moment, until it doesn't.

word count: 1,680

warnings/notes: nothin’ crazy!! cursing, of course. this one was fun to write!! next part will be longer, promise <3

prev | next

“ ‘cause i can’t make you love me if you don’t, you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t ” - i can’t make you love me, dave thomas junior

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

For your entire life, you had always wondered what your favorite color would be. You would hear your parents talk about it with their friends, you would hear it between the lucky few who had met their lovers early. But you never had one.

It should be such an easy question to ask someone when you first meet them. It should be the most basic human answer, a description of who they are as a person. You’ve done research, scanned websites and took fake online “what color is your aura?” quizzes, only to become frustrated by the black and white.

You even tried to compare the shades of grey to colors. Your mother would tell you what color something is, and you would try to remember. It never worked.

But now, if someone were to ask “what’s your favorite color?”, you would simply tell them, “yellow.”

“I’ll wait for you after practice.” Tsukki told you the next morning.

He stood directly beside your locker, tall and still as if he never hunched over in his life. He pushed up his glasses and walked away as a way to conclude his statement.

You rolled your eyes. Of all the people on this planet, you’ve fallen in love with him. You looked up as if to ask God, or whoever’s up there, “why?”

Working at Blu for the summer was an easy job. When you weren’t glancing at Tsukishima, you poured coffee and lemonades and sold baked goods. It was good for extra money, and everyone that you worked with was kind and welcomed you with smiles. 

Tsukki was sitting at his table, drinking his daily plain black coffee, when your coworker caught you staring. She was a third-year and had been working there since she was your age, so it wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed his attendance. 

Wiping her hands on her apron (which are blue, now that you know), she said, “He’s cute. You should ask him for his number.”

You immediately jumped back, pretending to wipe the counter down. “Absolutely not.”

“He comes in here every day.” She said, as if you didn’t already know. “No normal guy comes in to a coffee place in the middle of summer everyday without reason.”

“We have good coffee.”

“Sure. That’s why.”

For the rest of the summer, she made sure to schedule you for the morning shifts and hang back when she sees him come in. 

At practice, the girls were all discussing what they were making for the bake sale. It was a fun practice, full of team building exercises and barely any running. 

Mai looped her arm through yours as practice ended. She gave you one of her award winning smiles, bouncing on her feet. 

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re thinking something.” You said, pushing into her side. 

“You’re baking with Kei Tsukishima tonight.” Mai stopped when you almost reached the volleyball practice gym. “Are you excited? Nervous? Do you have everything you need? Chapstick?”

“Fuck you.” 

You pushed her away as you headed to the gym to help with the boys practice. She kept making kissy faces towards you. You flipped her off.

Kei Tsukishima was not one to pay attention to little things. He was a big picture man. He focused on how things affected his future, about college applications, about how plays can be executed by the entire team. 

Yet, when you walked into the gym, he couldn’t help but focus on a strand of your hair that kept sticking to your mouth.

“Are you coming or what?” Tsukki adjusted the bag on his back. He stood at the doors, leaning on one. You were picking up some extra balls for Kageyama and Hinata.

“Coming, coming.” You waved goodbye to the dynamic duo. 

The walk was mainly quiet. Yamaguchi left before you two, claiming that he had a lot of homework to do. You didn’t know about that.

“You don’t have to stay after, you know.” Tsukki said. You looked up. “You don’t have to stay after practice to help those two. You already are helping us enough.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Why do you do it?”

“Hm?”

“Why do you come to our volleyball practices?” He kept his eyes straight. “You come from your practice to help us with ours, and that just sounds ridiculous to me.”

“It looks good on my college app.” You told him. It was his turn to look at you. “And Ukai has been close to my family for a long time, so it’s hard to say no to him when he asks for a volunteer.”

“That makes sense.” He said. “I couldn’t do it.”

“What? Have two practices, or volunteer for Ukai?”

“Both.”

You chuckled, nudging him with your side. He kept walking, but he had a smile too. He wasn’t so dark and gloomy as people thought. 

He had a gorgeous smile.

The rest of the walk was in silence again. It was already dark, and the moonlight made him look ethereal. Tsukki really could be compared with the moon, you decided.

Every once in a while, you two walked too close and accidentally bumped into each other. Or your back of your hand brushed his. It just ended up in little laughs between you both.

And, before you knew it, you were standing in front of your house.

“This is me.”

“I am not wearing this shit.”

“Yes, you are.”

You were trying so hard not to cry laughing, holding up a pink apron that your mom used. You already had a matching one on. He looked at it as if you just offered him a can of dog shit for breakfast.

“You could not pay me to wear that.”

“It’s this or get shit all over you.”

“I’ll take the shit.”

Sighing, you reached to force it on him. He moved back, narrowly avoiding your attack. One more try ended in the same result. You were giggling now, and he was smiling.

“Just…” A struggling pull over his head. “Put…” A push. “It on!” And your arms were around his back.

The position was awkward, but both of you were laughing too much to notice. You had your arms wrapped around his waist, chest to chest as you tied his apron around him. He stood with his arms crossed as he let you put the fucking apron on.

“There. Look at you. So pretty.”

He pushed up his glasses and looked down. “Must be why you’re in love with me.”

“If you keep pulling that card, I’ll be sure you don’t get credit for any of these.”

“Now you’re just being cruel.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Tsukki, there are literal instructions. You follow them.”

“No shit. My question is, what the hell is softened butter?”

“Oh my god.”

Soon enough, the two of you were into a rhythm. You were baking brownies and cupcakes as if you did it together every day. Conversations came natural. 

It was nice.

It wasn’t until you noticed the brown specs of cocoa powder on his nose did you realize how close you were standing. You were to his right, mixing whatever was in your bowl at the time, But you could feel his warmth from beside you.

He could feel you, too. 

“The brownies are brown, obviously.” You said in the middle of the silence. “The cupcakes are brown with black and orange sprinkles, and white frosting. I thought I should tell you.”

He was silent for a minute. You thought that maybe you were annoying him with reminders that you were in love with him, or maybe you should’ve kept it to yourself. But then, he turned to you.

“You said that my eyes were golden brown.”

“I did.”

He was standing far too close. He was standing incredibly too close. And he was staring into your eyes for far too long. You couldn’t conjure up any reasons to hate him, or get rid of your feelings. Why would you want to do that when he is standing beside you, warm and brilliant and glowing.

Fuck.

“What color are my glasses?”

“Black.”

“And my jacket?”

“Black.”

Now he was standing directly in front of you. You didn’t know exactly when you turned, but you had. He was inches from you. His lips were inches from yours.

“And the apron?”

“Pink.”

He was leaning in. There is absolutely no way that this is happening.

All you had to do was lean in, and you could get it over with. Get it out of your mind and gone forever, along with the stupid colors that remind you with every second that he can’t see them back. All you had to do was press your lips to his…

You could feel his breath on your face. Your heart hammered your chest and everything froze at once.

“You must be Kei Tsukishima!”

You jumped back, bringing your body back to your mixing bowl. Your mom entered the kitchen, pajamas on and a smile plastered on her face. You pretended nothing was happening.

“Yes, ma’am.” He greeted. As if nothing was happening.

As if nothing was happening. Because nothing had happened.

“Mom, I know that it’s late.” You started to explain, but she quickly stopped you. 

“Hush now. You spend as much time as you need. Nice to meet you, Tsukishima.” She sent you a wink, heading up the stairs. 

You closed your eyes, trying to forget what just happened. But, when you opened them, you were faced with the worst thing that could possibly happen in that moment.

The colors gained a little bit of hue. His pink apron contrasted brighter against his black jacket. The orange sprinkles gained a little bit of tint. The greyscale filter lifted a bit more.

You wanted to bang your head against the wall. Fuck.

tag list: @vhskenma​​​​​ @elianetsantana​​​​​ @mini-eggs-reads​​​​​ @ysasian​​​ @hhwanggu​​​ @i-stole-your-juice-box​​​ @definitelynotbianca​​​ @denkithunder​​ @smuttyanimeslut​ @yourlocalbabybird​ @theydy-madamonsieur 

[be-not-afeared]

Black Sails fic recs

Working titles: 12 fics for christmas? 12 days of ficmas? 12 fics none of which actually have anything to do with christmas?

OKAY, so I love nothing more than a fic rec post, and I’ve seen a few Black Sails rec posts floating around but they mostly seem to be a couple of years old and they all recommend a similar bunch of fics (and deservedly so! they are all amazing!). But I thought I would make one to highlight some newer or less shouted-about fics, because I may have only been here for a couple of months but jfc there is so much talent in this fandom and more of it deserves to be hyped. 

So, here are 12 of my favourite fics for the 12 days of christmas! (i.e. an excuse to put an arbitrary number cap on the list or we’d be here all day)

The majority of these are Silver/Flint and the ones that aren’t still all feature Silver prominently because that boy owns my soul, sorry for who I am as a person.

we should rip it straight out by minormendings

45K (Silver/Madi, Silver/Flint, Flint/Thomas)

Madi has always wondered if Silver understands what is between him and Flint as well as she. To her, it has always been obvious, from the way the two of them had fit together, had worried about each other, had acted as one. She had tried to bring it up with Silver back when they were together. But Silver had shaken her off, too enmired in the idea that he or Flint would prove each other’s downfall. Or perhaps just unwilling to open his eyes to the fact that he had loved Flint.

It was, unfortunately for the both of them, even more obvious after the thing between them had broken. Just as Silver had thrown away the war out of love for her, Flint had let Silver take away the war rather than kill him.

God. What a group the three of them were, showing love by betrayal.

Post-canon. Madi and Flint find their way back to Silver.

This fic diverges from canon right at the end of the 4x10; Silver has Flint held in a cell in Port Royal and Thomas delivered to him rather than taking him straight to the plantation. It is a BEAUTIFUL character study of how Flint and Madi could both come to forgive Silver, and has a great FlintMadi dynamic too. It also centres Madi’s struggle between wanting to provide for her people and wanting to experience the freedom of piracy, and fleshes out Julius’ character in a way the show never did. 

we can lose and call it living by I_wouldnt_be_one_of_them

31K (Silver/Flint/Thomas, Silver/Flint, Flint/Thomas)

It's been twelve years since everything fell apart, and John Silver is settled in New England. He has a nice house and a job he likes, and he's gotten used to the loneliness. It's a good life, he thinks, but of course that's cast into doubt when James Flint and Thomas Hamilton show up to find closure and, apparently, to see whether he's happy.

This is an inverse of the ‘silver arrives on flint and thomas’ doorstep’ trope and has Flint and Thomas instead being the ones to interrupt Silver, who is living a sad and lonely existence post-series. I love the ThomasSilver dynamic here. And this Silver feels so true to canon he makes me want to WEEP.

Tell me we're dead and I'll love you even more by Craftnarok

21K (Silver/Flint)

In the year 1725, or thereabouts, John Silver finds himself driven by a storm into an inconsequential little port town, barely a speck on any civilised map. Returned to the life of a drifter, tired and rough around the edges, he is resigned to waiting for the weather to pass before he can sail on again to the next town, and the next, and the next. That is until he overhears a conversation in the inn about a local fisherman, one Captain Barlow, and his tall tales of tempests and becalmings, devils and sharks, and Silver finds a new future opening up to him, haunted by the spectres of his past.

All of Craftnarok’s fics are amazing but I am particularly drawn to this one; it’s set 10 years post-series and is a delightfully angsty exploration of how Flint and Silver could find their way back to each other in a scenario in which Thomas wasn’t at the plantation. It doesn’t let Silver off easy and I love that.

armed with the past and the will by whimsicalimages

3K (Silver/Madi, Madi & Julius)

The language of winning and losing, this language that men favor – Madi can speak this language, though she disagrees with its precepts. Success takes different forms, and failing once does not mean failing forever. It does not even mean failing the next time.

Post-series, Julius teaches Madi how to fight. This fic is BEAUTIFUL - give me anything that centres Madi post-canon - and it explores Madi’s relationship with both Julius and Silver so well in so few words. 

Always In Season by mycapeisplaid

60K (Silver/Flint, past Flint/Thomas, past Silver/Madi)

Towering sand dunes, crystal-clear water, miles of forest, vineyards, orchards, and very spotty cellular service -- John Silver finds himself in a part of the state he's never been before and decides to take on seasonal work. Meanwhile, back from his yearly wintering in Florida, James Flint thinks that perhaps he'll take on a new business venture, even though it means he might have to interact with people other than his two close friends. Their summer employment fosters a friendship that could become something more. Like construction season in Michigan, the two must navigate through their own obstacles in order to seek an alternative route toward happiness.

This is an AU and so much fun!! Silver finds himself in Michigan and takes on some seasonal work at Guthrie Dunes. The whole cast features and the setting just WORKS SO WELL. And this Flint feels brilliantly in character despite the difference in setting.

to make a life by gone_girl

53K (Max/Anne, Max & Silver)

“What am I going to do with your name?” Max asks, a little incredulous.

“Whatever you want,” the salesman says. “Didn’t you want something real?”

Max heard a story once about the importance of answering questions like that carefully. If something emerges from the forest and asks for your name, don’t give it up, the story went. Offer only what you know you can live without. She’s never heard a story that tells her what to do when something emerges from the forest and offers its name to you.

I literally only finished this this morning but holy shit this fic is amazing, it’s a Max-centric AU set in Missouri the early 00s and it’s all about found family and building community and platonic love and it has a brilliant SilverMadi dynamic. And there just aren’t enough fics out there that focus on Max & Silver!! 

the straight walk home by vowelinthug

73K (Silver/Flint)

Let me tell you a story, about a vaquero named Vasquez…

Obviously vowelinthug’s fics are recc’d all the time and rightly so as they are AMAZING, but one that I don’t see featured as often as the more prominent ones is this incredible Western!AU. It’s 73K guys!! It adapts the canon narrative into the Western setting SO well!! It has background Vane/Billy which I was not at all sure about going in but just WORKS!! Go read it.

The Truth about Eros by Aisalynn

21K (Silver/Flint, Silver/Madi, Flint/Thomas)

Silver understood one thing very well.

Being Fated did not mean you were safe.

It did not mean you were loved.

This one is hot off the press! I am not normally a fan of soulmate AUs but this is such an interesting take on the trope, and the world building fits around the polyamory theme of the show really effectively! And it is SO well written.

With Nothing on My Tongue by RosieTwiggs

13K (Silver/Flint, Silver/Madi)

"Silver thinks: Maybe God likes it when I fight with him.

He wonders now, whether he’s been playing into God’s plan all along. Because no matter how angry he gets, how defensive, how many “fuck you”s he flings to the heaven, isn’t it all just proof that he still believes God is there, despite it all?

Silver doesn’t know how to counter that.

Maybe he doesn’t want to anymore."

An incredibly well written (and angsty! read the tags!) Jewish!Silver character study. This one has really stayed with me.

Maybe in Another Life by samedifference61

31K (Silver/Flint/Madi, Flint/Madi, Silver/Flint, Silver/Madi)

At the rail of a ship James doesn’t command, they stand shoulder to shoulder.

“John still thinks you’re dead,” James states, because it’s something that needs to be said aloud before they continue.

With eyes unblinking toward the rolling sea, Madi says, “And he still thinks you should be dead.”

James’ lip curls in anger. The wounds of betrayal are too fresh for either to say anymore.

Canon-divergent from 4x09, this is a brilliant MadiFlint centric fic exploring their relationship post Silver’s betrayal, and how he could find his way back to them both whilst acknowledging the weight of his actions.

in a vault of starlight by whimsicalimages

7K (Silver/Madi/Flint/Thomas)

The distance between Nassau and Savannah can be measured as: six hundred and thirteen nautical miles, five thousand pounds’ worth of pearls, or four extraordinary lifetimes.

Alternatively: in the aftermath, Madi writes her own story.

There aren’t enough Madi centric fics out there! This one is a lovely extension of canon with a great MadiSilver dynamic in particular.

the aftershocks remain by pdameron

31K (Silver & Miranda, Silver/Flint)

For as long as he can remember, John Silver has been able to see ghosts. He has no trouble keeping this secret from Flint - until Charlestown. Until Miranda.

Again all of pdameron’s fics are brilliant but I loooove this SilverMiranda centric one, plus who doesn’t love a ghost!au.

[dracoladon]

Top 5 of 2020

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

thank u to my lovely @tackytigerfic, @sitp-recs, @bonesliketambourines and @lazywonderlvnd for the tags. i’ve only written three fics this year, so even though this list is abt self love, i’m gna dedicate the last two spots to my two favourite fics i’ve read this year (that were published this year as well😔) cause i love myself for having such talented mutuals :/

1. Born Slippy: God I fucking loved writing Born Slippy. I’m a hoe for a good club fic. The aesthetics of crowded dance floor, loud music, body glitter etc are exquisite and I think (hope) I managed to capture even a little of that in this fic. It’s probably my favourite out of the very few I’ve written, cause I think it’s the one that best encapsulates my writing style and everything I love about Darry and fanfic. There were some banter moments I was really proud of, and the smut was like the embodiment of wanting to read smth with your all your favourite kinks so literally just writing it yourself. I said self indulgence!

2. Lucid: This was the first fic I wrote for Drarry, and for that reason it’s a bit special to me. It was a lot of fun to write and it really helped me figure out what I love writing (dialogue) and what I don’t (the prose in between). I think it had the kind of slice of life feel I was going for. a look in on a relationship that’s already been put through it’s paces and is now purely abt being together. I had an absolute blast with sex dumb Draco and finding a bunch of constellation bullshit for him to spin. I wasn’t expecting the response I got to this fic, either, so overall it just has very warm, lovely memories for me.

oh god and this was also the first fic of mine to get a rec from the absolute goddess that is @sitp-recs. good times indeed 😔

3. Little Spaces: !!! This fic has just been like ridiculously enjoyable to write. Hitting walls is kind of inevitable and doing this w anna was such an amazing way to work through the writer’s block I was having with my other stuff. I’d never written Draco before this, so it’s been super fun further exploring his voice, and I’m very very proud of what we’ve been able to produce together.

4. Inside Your Mind by @lazywonderlvnd

I think I’ve raved about this fic more than once on here before, as well as extensively in the comments on ao3, but seriously. It is.... 🤔 a masterclass in melancholic softness and drarry d/s dynamics. I saw a post not too long ago (which I already sent to anna but she can just deal w it 😡) that said all this stuff abt book harry. how he was passionate and sarcastic and witty and charismatic, and he could be intimidating when he was angry and had this wild intensity. he could be arrogant and humble and kind of an ass but he’s still our precious harry and he’ll be chill and laugh around w u and probably save ur life. i thought it perfectly encapsulated harry as he’s written in the books, and also harry in this fic. anna has an insane ability to write characters just as they are in canon, but also w her own distinct style. it kind of makes me want to cry. IYM’s Harry was charming and gorgeous and imperfect and an idiot, and I loved him. Not to mention Draco 😔. Every scene between the two of them felt so delicate and intricately woven, the smut was beautiful and raw, and the love confession was perhaps my favourite ever. I will forever be in awe of this genius’ talent (there were so many brilliant lines in this fic that I refuse to go hunting for them lest I be tempting into spending the whole day rereading it) and IYM is the absolute pinnacle of that. PLUS goyle, who is tragically underrepresented in fic, soft kissing, sitting by the lake, a stunningly written friendship between the golden trio, and an entire world in thirty thousand words :/ read it and weep :/

5. Modern Love by @tackytigerfic

There are much more eloquent reviews that do this stunning fic the justice it deserves (cough cough sitp) so i shan’t try and compete. I will however say that Modern Love is a magnum opus (tho knowing tacky, and their ever increasing brilliance, that may change) and I absolutely loved it. I haven’t even commented yet, cause though I finished it a few days ago I’m literally still recovering. It’s sad, holy fuck, it is emotional and deep and thoughtful, and it’s Draco in the Muggle world with these original character friends who are so tangible and developed that I feel like i’ve met them in real life. There is a plot that doesn’t distract from the love story, and a love story that doesn’t distract from the achingly slow build of a soft, pining friendship, and a soft, pining friendship that doesn’t distract from Harry and Draco’s own personal character arcs. The ease with which tacky writes our two boys (and writes period) has always amazed me. The talent is in every fucking line, the humour is brilliant and subtle, and the smut is !!! absolutely worth the wait. An aesthetically pleasing masterpiece that I shall always treasure.

[cherry-interlude]

Lana Del Rey Album Songs Ranking (Remade)

It’s been a few years since I ranked all of Lana’s (album) songs so I wanted to do it again. This is all my OPINION, which I’m sure some people might disagree with, but you don’t have to agree with it. This is also a very long post.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

This cover song is just a little too drab and uninteresting to me, and I never listen to it. After the brilliant, sprawling, sexy, heart-breaking tracks on Honeymoon, this feels like a tacked-on track just to plump up the album. It feels simply like a cover.

For Free

Though this is a well-made song, with three brilliant women owning the track, it again just feels like a cover. It fits in well with Chemtrails, but by the time I get to this song I’ve had my fill.

Breaking Up Slowly

It just feels repetitive and simple, something only to have on in the background while my attention is diverted. It’s a good song and a nice attempt at bringing Lana’s country music in, but it does little to keep me interested.

God Knows I Tried

This song is filler. Jammed between the jazzy softness of Terrence Loves You and the pop favourite High By The Beach, this track just feels like it was sort of shoved in. It doesn’t even feel completely right on Honeymoon, instead a throwaway song that bridges Ultraviolence and Honeymoon whilst not fitting in with either album.

24

Though perfect for the credits of a Hollywood movie, 24 has plenty of flair but nothing of substance. The lyrics aren’t as imaginative as most of Lana’s music and I’m not surprised this song found itself near the end of the album.

Lucky Ones

Personally, this song irritates me. It's sickly in its lyrics, sugary in the romance and classic Lana tropes of dangerous men and Lana starstruck by them no matter if they’re ‘careless cons and crazy liars’. The little flair of the verses and the overtly sweet chorus really irks me, especially following the brilliance that is Lana’s first ‘Del Rey’ album.

Coachella

It is a rushed track, sounding completely unfinished and hurried with an unconvincing track beat. Polished, it would be brilliant – but it sounds like Lana thought of the song (which sounds promising in the video where she sits in the forest and sings) and had to force it to ‘fit in’ with the trap-pop tracks on Lust For Life. The lyrics are thoughtful, if not cliché, but it could have been done better.

This Is What Makes Us Girls

It just doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe because I can’t connect to the lyrics in any way, I just don’t feel anything when I hear this song and choose to skip it. That being said, the demos are pretty fun.

God Bless America

As much as it’s a song honouring women during a period of time when feminism was being shaken, it doesn’t quite feel like Lana’s heart is in it. The patriotism is uneasy considering she was removing herself from the American flag and its associations, and the anthemic feel never lifts. It’s a sweet song, but never goes deeper than surface level.

Religion

Though fairly sexy and haunting – her unshaken faith to her man, her drawling voice – this delicate track is too simple and sombre for me to get completely into it. I always want to skip and get to my favourites.

In My Feelings

It’s great Lana has a bad-girl, bad-bitch, fuck-you pop track but this, like Coachella, feels unfinished. It has the vibe of work in progress, and the vocals are still messy (surely intentionally, though it doesn’t always come across that way) as well as trying slightly too hard. It doesn’t compare to Fucked My Way Up To The Top.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

The verses don’t match up to the choruses and I feel nothing – not empowered or emotional – when listening to this song, but it is a beautiful duet between Lana and Stevie. Their voices really are divine together and though I don’t listen to this song much, the demos are even better.

Change

Mostly because it freaks me out, this is a song I don’t often listen to. With a basic structure yet long, meandering lyrics, Lana broods over the state of America at the time, which can make for depressive listening. Though it’s a pretty enough song, it’s seriousness is too much to bear sometimes.

Blue Velvet

Sometimes too slow, Blue Velvet doesn’t inspire multiple listens in me, but it is a gorgeous cover and absolutely a showcase of Lana’s vocals.

Diet Mountain Dew

A cheeky little track that won many over, it still is hard for me to fully get into it. However, it ages like fine wine and is a wonderful step into the Lizzy Grant unreleased tracks (especially with the many, sometimes even better demos).  

Burning Desire

It’s a messy song, with Lana’s vocals shaky and the instrumental not quite up to scratch, but this song is certainly a guilty pleasure and great for getting into the sexy mood. The car metaphors are a bit much, especially considering it’s for a car advert, but if you get past that it’s a song to add to your freaky playlist.

Money Power Glory

As powerful and dark as this song is, with incredible instrumentals and Lana at her most dynamic, I barely remember the lyrics of the verses, instead waiting for the rich choruses.

Swan Song

A gentle track that has a lot of untapped power behind it, this is a quiet stormer of a song that has a lot of heart and grace. It may be a filler track, but it is definitely better than some.

Bartender

Even more gentle is the confessional, piano-led Bartender, which is a sweet little love song stripped back much like Lana’s simple romance where she sneaks out to see her lover. The main (and probably ridiculous) thing that keeps me from falling in love with this song more – though I’m already pretty amazed by it – is the very quiet sound of feedback that comes and goes, a fuzzy noise that is very subtle but distracting enough for me.

The Next Best American Record

This song would be higher if it was Architecture – the gorgeous, well-thought stunner that wowed us all when it was leaked. The lyrics are less fractured relationship and more wishy washy, wiping away the gritty sadness that made Architecture so beloved (at least to me). Now it’s been made ‘happier’, it’s hard to tell what the song is – is Lana happy with her lover or is she sad like in the unreleased version? Is this a break up song or a celebration of the romance? What does it mean now that it is both of them that are obsessed with writing? It’s something for me to certainly explore more, but it is paled in comparison to the original.

When The World Was At War

This track grew on me, with the hidden lyrics, fun vocals and hopeful message. Lana knows how to make a song that lifts your mood and this is certainly one of them.

Guns and Roses

I used to despise this song – finding it boring and dull. However, after giving it a listen years later, it is in fact a beautiful song with a gritty feel that is perfect for Ultraviolence. It fits in perfectly with the album and the extended tracks, and though it isn’t the strongest lyrically, the vocals and dreamy feel is thrilling.

Lolita

I choose to listen to this song without the underage character – or romantic connotations of her – in mind, instead seeing this song as a grown woman trying to charm an older man. However, as I have grown older – and read (and loved) the book several times more – I feel more inclined to distance myself from this song. It’s a fun, perky pop track but it definitely feels dated.

Dance Till We Die

Lana sings of her connection to other famous female singers and her daughter’s chosen name, making this a very personal pop song that also reminds of When The World Was At War for its hopeful and ultimately positive edge. It is a little slow but incredible touching, and the bridge is so kickass you can’t help but dance along.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

This is a very sweet little song that again showcases the more positive side of Lana’s music, rather than the heartbroken and distressed women she tends to play. Though it is a filler song it’s a very pretty one and so catchy.

Wild At Heart

Wild At Heart is similar to Not All Who Wander Are Lost in that it’s a departure from a tragic femme fatale, instead a love song that also mimics Swan Song in that she considers leaving fame for her lover. What makes it even better is how Lana samples How To Disappear, a much sadder track, and twists it into something happy with this ultimately more upbeat album.

Radio

Like Diet Mountain Dew, Radio is another perky tune that is more than just a catchy filler. It’s a little bit sassy and has an edge to it (with the expletives and how her life is sweet not like sugar but cinnamon) that keeps it from being too frothy. Speaking of Lana’s newfound fame, it’s a nice break from the love ballads and tragedies peppered throughout Born To Die.

Without You

Shockingly dramatic, Without You is the ultimate symbol of Lana’s older music – a woman who could only feel happy unless her man was in her life. She has definitely moved on for the most part from wailing her demise at losing her lover but Without You is still glamorous, catchy and perfect to singalong to.

The Other Woman

This is one of Lana’s best covers – Nina Simone’s song about being the other woman and how it is in fact lonely and heart-breaking. Lana makes the song her own, her vocals stunning and lo-fi with instrumentals that are perfect for Ultraviolence.

How To Disappear

I feel that the live version of How To Disappear, where she sung it on stage before it was released with its real instrumental, is the superior version. It’s stripped back and tender enough to feel the emotion thoroughly, but the album version doesn’t disappoint. It’s one of many great tracks from (what I think is) her best album, and has a great story within it.

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Lana’s satirical, sexy and stirring Fucked My Way Up To The Top was just tongue-in-cheek enough to keep from being too much of a cliché. Perhaps based on her real experiences but definitely a fuck-you to anyone who critiques her for owning her sexuality, it’s a little bit controversial but an incredible song.

Tomorrow Never Came

This song, which is a gorgeous duet with Sean Ono Lennon and a nice nod to 20th century music, subverts expectations that it is a sad song by in fact including a happy ending. I love how it can make you cry with both sadness and happiness, and tells a sweet story that paints pictures of parks and country houses.

Yosemite

The long-awaited Yosemite didn’t disappoint, and though it took a while to grow on me it became a classic and somehow familiar track. It’s impossible to not sing or dance to it and wouldn’t be out of place in Lust For Life.

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing

It’s quite slow – the Change/24/Old Money of Norman Fucking Rockwell – but it is clearly a personal and well-thought song that references Lana’s great inspiration Sylvia Plath. Lana’s deft at getting her thoughts out in song and I think though it’s not a song I often listen to, it is beautiful.

Honeymoon

The sweeping violins, dramatic vocals and the dangerous undercurrent makes Honeymoon crackle with electricity. It’s an amazing introduction to an album that once again has dangerous men, bad girls who get hurt but are strong again and amazing instrumentals. Though it’s not the best song from the album, it sets the tone perfectly.

Million Dollar Man

Like Without You, it’s another song of complete devastation, which Lana has grown from in her music. Million Dollar Man shows some great vocals and lyrics, and gets the emotion out perfectly whilst honouring the music that inspired her.

Old Money

The verses are pretty enough but they don’t catch my attention the way the choruses do. The slow, steady song took a long time for me to really appreciate but it’s impossible not to feel some kind of emotion when Lana lets her lover know she will be with them whenever they need her.

Sad Girl

Like The Other Woman, Sad Girl shows how being the other woman has it’s downfalls but appreciates the sexy, exciting side of it – how alluring her man is and how much of a bad bitch she may be. Once again, it’s a pure Ultraviolence song that shows Lana’s vocals and music in the best way whilst showcasing the classic caricature of the femme fatale.

Dark Paradise

Strangely upbeat for such a sad song, Dark Paradise is great to dance to but also something that makes you want to cry. Lana’s vocalisations and dramatic lyrics don’t quite compare to some of her other songs but Dark Paradise is iconic.

Summertime Sadness

The slow-burn, emotional gut punch that is Summertime Sadness is always a classic and one of Lana’s best. Though it is far from my personal favourite it is absolutely an outstanding song and the perfect example of Lana’s most well-made and well-delivered songs.

Gods and Monsters

The strained Gods and Monsters is a great tale about the evil side of fame, which Lana never quite delves too deeply into but gives a metaphorical and mildly personal nod to. Gods and Monsters is one of those songs that has you singing along and feeling strong.

Carmen

Carmen is a beautiful, sad story that feels rich and luxurious despite its harrowing lyrics of an alcoholic star. The French bridge adds to the decadence and it feels like a dirty alcohol bottle wrapped in silk, from the tentative verses to the unnerving chorus.

Born To Die

One of Lana’s original pop chart tracks, this is a song that never grows old. It’s one of the blueprints of the Lana Del Rey era and deftly shows her vocals whilst setting the tone for the pessimistic, romantic star in the early 2010s.

Salvatore

Opening with laughing – or crying – Salvatore has an eerie feel to it, though it is completely erotic in feel (enough to ignore some of the simpler lyrics). It is a song that feels dreamy, much like the rest of Honeymoon, but passionate and reminding of some of her older music (from the vocals in the bridge that have a Lolita/Fucked My Way Up To The Top feel to them to the continued trope of bad boys and glamour).

Flipside

Dirty, gritty and quite contained, Flipside is a song that I wished had more attention. It’s not her most imaginative song but there’s something about it, from the gloomy guitars to the hushed vocals, that have me wanting to sing it over and over. It also is one of her great fuck-off songs, as sympathetic as it is resilient.

Doin’ Time

Lana really turns this song into her own with the summery instrumentals and the pop edge she is so good at. It’s surprisingly one of her best covers and a fresh-feeling track that isn’t bogged down by emotion or maudlin music.

Lust For Life

Breathless and oh-so-romantic, Lust For Life is one of those songs that was perfect for the charts, and a key piece in Lana’s turn into becoming more positive. However, as fun and lovely as this song is, the demos are a whole other ball game. A little more ethereal, they fit Lana much more perfectly and it’s sad she dismissed the witchy feel for a song that is brilliant but generic.

Love

One of Lana’s warmest and most refreshing songs, she looks at love with fondness and dedicates this track to her ‘kids’. She knows her fans well and to make a song that references them (much like Happiness Is A Butterfly’s nod to her ‘babies’) makes this song all the more pleasant.

The Greatest

Lana’s vocals are put to good use in this intimately-written song. She speaks her mind in her reminiscence of the past and the worries for the future, all with a storming chorus that is certainly one of her best.

Love Song

Tender and almost tentative, Love Song is one of those tracks that is romantic through-and-through. It’s stripped back enough to feel like it really is a private song for only her lover’s ears, just as confessional as Cinnamon Girl and Bartender.

White Mustang

Short but sweet, this song has all the makings of a Lana Del Rey song, harking back to the Born To Die days with her imagery and fallen love affair, but it is spiky enough to be part of her later music where she starts giving less shits. The whistling and race cars are a nice touch, displaying her play on words snugly.

Dark But Just A Game

Sort of jazzy, Dark But Just A Game is ever-shifting and never quite settles on a particular sound. It’s cohesive, however, and clearly states what Lana is thinking in a way that works with the rest of Chemtrails. It’s pretty sexy as well, which doesn’t hurt the enjoyability factor.

High By The Beach

The wooziness, the carelessness and the growth from a woman begging to be put in a movie to a woman who is able to do as she pleases. Lana stumbles and swears through the song but knows exactly what she wants – and it isn’t disappointing men or stalking paparazzi.

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Some may think it much slower and more boring than a lot of her tracks, but I think it’s a tidy, sweet track. Lana plainly states her love, urges her man to run away with her and lets her emotions (and voice) do the talking.

Summer Bummer

Lana is as restless as a hot summer in this song and it works. Her brisk-paced yet soft-voiced lyrics and gorgeous imagery gets my pulse racing, and ASAP Rocky’s verse works well for it. Though it would have been interesting to get a full, solo Summer Bummer, Rocky adds an edge to this song and compliments his ‘lover’ well.

Groupie Love

Much more flowery and wide-eyed, Groupie Love is like a contradiction. Lana’s passionate dalliance with Rocky’s god-like star opposes the relationship in Summer Bummer (uncertain) but both are just as secret. Groupie Love has the edge of being ultra-dreamy and demonstrating pure love – and lust – without the messiness.

American

It’s a filler track that has potential for much more. It’s an adorable song, almost cautious in its lead-up to the satisfying chorus, and is filled with Lana tropes galore. Following Lana’s stressed Ride and coming before the darkly sensual Cola, American is a breath of fresh air.

National Anthem

What an anthem it is. It’s simply provocative and one of her most classic tracks. Mixing love, money and fame together with a bit of sex thrown in, National Anthem is precisely what Lana’s America seems to be.

Is This Happiness?

It’s muted, mournful and resentful, questioning a relationship that Lana wants to keep but at the same time doesn’t. This is one of Lana’s best sad songs, tearful as it is still adoring beneath the exasperation.

Art Deco

Art Deco is purely dreamy, a song to bathe in. The lyrics are a little bit simple but Lana’s vocals and the flowing, aquatic music is the perfect hook.

Terrence Loves You

Lana’s jazzy song is delicate, letting only her voice and the saxophone dominate. With references to David Bowie, Lana pines for someone who hurt her badly, but she soothes herself with music the way plenty of her fans do when listening to her records.

White Dress

The vocals were a surprise at first – high, strained whispers – but they definitely grew on me. Painting a picture of young Lana loving life and dreaming of bigger things, it’s nostalgic in lyrics but also reminds of some of Lana’s old work – her unreleased tracks where she would serve coke and fries.

Chemtrails

It gets better as it goes on, growing and twisting from a song to sunbathe to into a restless, darkening track. It has the best vibe for an idealised world with something a bit off, and the imagery of pools, jewels and schools grounds Lana into a (very, very rich) normality rather than the glamorous star she always liked to portray.

13 Beaches

Opening with a quote from Carnival of Souls, Lana takes High By The Beach to the next level. She goes from sticking her middle finger up to the paparazzi to simply wishing she would be allowed to live her life without them hounding her. It’s a matured approach that uses sound interestingly, with beeps and whines adding a strange texture to the song.

Cola

The controversial line was intended as humour, but strangely it works. Even if Cola is satire like Fucked My Way Up To The Top, Lana owns the ‘other woman’, the patriotic singer, the sexy and unashamed woman who says what she thinks without caring of the consequences. It’s an iconic song, even if you have to turn the volume down to not offend.

Black Beauty

The unreleased version is ten times more emotive, with its stripped back and lonesome feel, but the album version is just as good. The ultimately loving but unhappy lyrics are full of stunning imagery, and this is a song that would have been perfect with a music video.

Body Electric

Blasphemous as much as it honours icons, Lana sinfully owns Body Electric. The bridge is a bit out of place but Lana’s eyebrow-raising approach to religion and sexuality is genius.

Off To The Races

The best demonstration of Lana’s vocals, Lana plays the glam girl without a care just as well as the Lolita-type, needy lover in this ode to money and her man. The soaring bridge is stunning, and the swirling violins add an air of Hollywood to it.

Bel Air

Completely overlooked (in my opinion), Bel Air is an apologetic song of redemption, a shining and honest track that is as touching as much as it is hazy and tranquil. With soft piano and the sound of children opening and closing the song respectively, it’s set apart from Paradise with a pureness that Lana pulls off well.

Ultraviolence

Controversial at the time and still controversial now, Ultraviolence is about being weak, about giving in to love no matter how toxic. I don’t entirely support the lyrics but it’s a stunning song, lo-fi enough to feel uneasy and haunting. When you shut off from the lyrics, you get a simply beautiful track.

Pretty When You Cry

Lana’s imperfect, close-to-tears vocals are wonderful in this song, and she really lets her emotion shine through. The pained guitar and Lana’s increasingly distressed singing are enough to get you feeling exactly as she does.

Florida Kilos

Fun. Fresh. Freeing. Lana’s ode to drugs is simply something to dance to and sing, and she somehow manages to get the sunny feeling across even with the Ulraviolence-esque grunginess. It’s one of my favourite songs of Lana’s because it’s just so happy, which is a nice departure from some of her heavier tracks.

Cherry

Many people’s favourite – Cherry. It was my favourite of Lana’s for a long time, dripping with sex appeal and sadness but with a cute dance to compliment it. It had all the right stuff wrapped up in a tidy, compact box and the imagery is lush. I still love this song but since then we’ve had the ‘Cherries’ of her next few albums, Cinnamon Girl and Tulsa Jesus Freak. Like these, Cherry was a song that seemed set apart from the rest of the album and was a novel take on her typical music.

California

Simply for It's meaningful, raw lyrics – promising to be there as soon as he wants her, much like in Old Money – California is a sun-soaked dream with a very honest approach. Lana isn’t completely devastated, or begging for her lover to return. She is sad but realistic, and only wants the best for him. It’s beautiful and sad with a crazily addictive chorus.

West Coast

The shift from fast-paced, grungey, whispered verses to sprawling, drawling choruses – complete with weirdly sexy beeps towards the end of the song – shook us all, and it’s one of Lana’s most interesting songs. Lana honours the West Coast but also her man, in love with the music scene as much as she is with him.

Shades of Cool

The snide verses. The gradually growing music. The guitars. The explosive chorus. The nuclear bridge. The absolutely perfect timing and pacing. Shades of Cool is flawless, another Sad Girl but with much more power, emotion and music.

The Blackest Day

The Blackest Day needs more attention. Cold in places, almost lost, but then wounded in the chorus, The Blackest Day rolls with the emotions and is the kind of song that makes you want to fall apart and sob. Which is good, in a way, as it shows how brilliantly Lana conveys emotion.

Freak

Cult-like and haunting, this is the sexy predecessor of California. Lana swoons and tempts in this track, from her harmonising to her pouting “take it to the back if you really wanna talk” - not to mention the rest of the song in its entirely, all elements married together to create the perfect seductive track.

Music To Watch Boys To

Like Art Deco, Music To Watch Boys To is fairly aquatic and dreamy. Like Freak, it has that cult vibe (the chanting of the bridge). However, this song is perfectly its own, from the mix-up of vocal styles to the shifting tone (sad to smug to obsessively in love).

Norman Fucking Rockwell

What an opener. Norman Fucking Rockwell lets the actual singing and lyrics do the talking, the instrumentals pushed back enough to let Lana’s gut-punching first line (“God damn, man child, you fucked me so good that I almost said I love you”) and her blue yet annoyed insults to her Norman Rockwell do the talking.

Mariner’s Apartment Complex

It’s a song for yourself and for the people you love. Lana is strong enough to take care of herself, to be her own guidance – and to take on her lover’s problems too. It’s an empowering song, so distant from a lot of her discography, and I adore the nautical references and the hopeful message.

Brooklyn Baby

Satire again, but it still works. Lana plays a (fairly cringey) and somewhat self-absorbed, over-confident singer who is too cool for her own boyfriend, but she does it well. From saying how she wished people didn’t judge her, to the freedom the seventies gives her, to the warm guitars and upbeat tone, to the backup vocals of Seth Kaufman, Brooklyn Baby is a song to remember for all the right reasons.

Ride

Ride is one of Lana’s best, if not the best. With her devotion to America and her open thoughts about needing other people to make her feel good and happy, Lana knocks it out of the park with the superb step up from Born To Die.

Video Games

Video Games is just beautiful, plain and simple. Lana’s low voice, telling a flowing story of the simplicities of true love, are removed from her ‘famous singer’ image she constantly tried to portray and instead open up to the heart of what she has always sung about: love and its many forms, good or bad.

Get Free

The new take on Ride was a pleasant surprise. From changing the lyrics to show she wants to move on and be happy to (silently) name-dropping her influences, Lana’s manifesto was a personal song that we could all resonate with. The outro of the beach was the perfect closer to Lust For Life, and Get Free summarised the album which took her from sad girl to someone who could let herself move on.

Heroin

Heroin is no doubt one of her best. It’s tense and dark, referencing Manson and (allegedly) a friend she lost years ago. Lana lets herself dive into her worst thoughts headfirst, not so much dreamy as it is nightmarish, but still comes out the other side dreaming of marzipan and ready to move on.

Tulsa Jesus Freak

The third of the ‘Cherries’, Tulsa Jesus Freak goes straight to a happy place. Where Cherry was angry and Cinnamon Girl was cautious, this track dives into being comfortable with her man. It was just as passionate as the other two songs but about religion, sex and self-satisfaction.

Blue Jeans

Plucking guitars, crying violins and Lana weaving a tale about a gangsta who left her, without explanation, and the hurt that follows. Similarly tied to Dark Paradise, Blue Jeans is the next level of that, her tough-girl spoken verses dismissed as the choruses open up and she pours her heart out.

Cruel World

Lana is on top-form on this song, furious, maddened, sad, taunting – she hits every emotion with style. Lana grows more and more unstable as the song goes on, invoking images of a woman scorned and no longer taking that shit, but she still has a fragility about her as she comes undone that is tied directly to her Ultraviolence era.

Happiness Is A Butterfly

This song goes through many stages. She is unsure, not knowing how her lover feels. She is optimistic, elated as she tries to capture the butterfly. She is dismissive, no longer caring if she might get hurt – she loves too much. She is pissed off, sick of being treated badly. She gives in, simply wanting to dance and just be happy. The flow of this song is constant, a little messy, but it has the beautiful message pinned to it: to keep trying to be happy and do what you love.

Fuck It I Love You

I love the music video version more than the album version, the latter being more stripped back. Fuck It I Love You just gives in to emotion, acknowledging Lana is hurt, her lover is hurt, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. She simply lets that feeling take over.

Cinnamon Girl

Cinnamon Girl touched me like no other Lana song has. Where Cherry was a mixture of emotions, good and bad, angry and loving, devastated and thrilled, Cinnamon Girl was about cautious optimism. Lana urges her lover to give in, and she knows – smiling as she sings it – she wins.

Venice Bitch

Venice Bitch just has that soothing, unhindered feel to it – and not just from the nine minutes of pure music and vibe. Lana dedicates this song to the kind of love that is just wholesome and homely, all whilst touching on her insanity, her ever-lasting love for America and the modern world (her live streams). It feels nostalgic yet contemporary, and adding the “fucks” and “bitch[es]” helps keep this song from being to sugary sweet but instead what it is – an honest love song rooted in the idealised and the realistic.

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Bingley Hall in Stafford, UK - May 6, 1978 (Part -2)

Photos were taken by Anthony Mallan.

Fan Stories

“As I write this I can't believe it is over 24 years since my first ever Queen gig. I was 15 years old and had looked forward to this day ever since I had first heard Bohemian Rhapsody 3 years earlier. Before that song Queen had just been another pop/rock group but BoRhap was the song which for me would set them apart from all others, the song that began my addiction for this band's music - an addiction which continues to this day. I had an hour long bus ride to Stafford and then had to walk to the Bingley Hall which was about 2 miles out of town. I remember while walking a couple of stretched limos passed I couldn't see inside because the windows were blacked out but I knew that it was the members of Queen in those cars and that added to the excitement. I arrived at the venue and joined the queue to get in. I was quite early but there were still a few hundred people in front of me. I bought a Black T shirt with the News of The World robot on the front and the words Spring Tour '78 and a program, both of which I still have although the T shirt is well worn. I was also treated to a young lady a bit drunk I think, taking her T Shirt off and running around half naked, quite sensational for a 15 year old lad. We were let into the hall at about 7pm and I found myself fairly near the front it was all standing and I was quite small so I was pleased to see the stage was set quite high which meant I would have an excellent view. The stage set for this tour was the famous crown and as I looked in awe at its size. I can remember wondering how they would get it to lift off the stage? I can't remember the time but probably an hour or so after I had got into the hall the lights went out and a mechanical whining noise started this was followed very quickly by white lights from the stage, smoke and then the drum beat of We Will Rock You with the song breaking straight into the chorus. Suddenly on a platform in the middle of the front row of the crowd Brian May appeared playing the "Rock You" guitar riff. I remember the feeling of joy and awe, I am sure I must have pinched myself to make sure this was really happening. After an explosion they burst into the fast version of "Rock You" and I saw Freddie for the first time. He was wearing shiney leather trousers, jacket & cap and running around the stage like a madman. It's far too long ago for me to remember every detail of the show but I do remember Freddie toasting us with champagne and at the end of '39 Roger threw his tamborine into the crowd and I had it for a split second before dropping it, I stood no chance really. The songs which I remember most from this gig were the ones which after this tour they were never to play live again: "White Man" & "Prophets Song" both were played either side of Brian's guitar solo and I can clearly remember Freddie performing vocal gymnastics during the middle section of "Prophets Song". The concert ended with a Rock n Roll medley. I remember right at the end of God Save The Queen we all started singing "You'll Never Walk Alone", then the lights were on and it was over. In a lot of respects it seems so long ago but as I am thinking of it now, parts of it are as clear as yesterday.”  - Kevin Ruscoe

“It was fun reading Kevin's story about going to see Queen at Stafford Bingley Hall in 1978. This was the first concert I had ever been to (talk about starting at the top). When the lights went down and Brian started with the dynamic We Will Rock You strumming, I was captured. A couple of years ealier I had purchased Night At The Opera for a girl I fancied at work. I took it to give her and before I could present her with it she showed me that she had just brought the album herself. So much for my Night At The Opera with her! So, I had to go home, take a cold shower, and listen to music. Because it was the only album I had, I played it and played it and I discovered a world I never knew existed. Music up to that point was something that was on the radio. That night seemed to open a new and exciting world me. Not as exciting as I had been planning with her but exciting none the less. My biggest memory of the Stafford concert was when Freddie gets us to sing along with him. Whenever I heard the Live Killers album, it would take me back to that moment at Stafford when I found out what I wanted to do with my life. I write now, plays and musicals, some successful, some not. Thanks Queen for my reason to live.”  - Robert

“Memory's a funny thing... and I wish to heck that I had a better one. How come I can remember useless things I don't want to know, like the winner of the first Big Brother programme, but can't remember stuff which would be far more useful... like how to order beer in any language, my bank account number... or the exact setlist of my first ever rock concert, Queen at Stafford's Bingley Hall in May 1978? Sitting down to type up this review I did a quick search on the net but only came up with a partial setlist which ends about two thirds of the way through. Very frustrating. So really this isn't a review, it can't be, but it's more a hazy recollection of just what it felt like to be a 15-year-old boy at his very first rock show. First off I remember getting the ticket. "Harvey Goldsmith presents A Night With Queen" printed in green (tickets for the Sunday night gig were printed in blue) and the price, L3.50 - laughably cheap now. I can't remember how long it was before the gig that I got the ticket but I do know that the waiting for the day of the gig was unbearable. But eventually that day arrived. Another reason it sticks in my mind is that it was the day of the FA Cup final (Arsenal beat Ipswich Town) and it was the first time I'd not sat glued to the TV from 12pm for all the build-up and the big match itself. If it had been my team, Manchester City, it might have been a different story, but I went up to Bingley Hall mid-afternoon, with a friend called Mark Butters, to join the queue and get as good a standing spot as possible. For those of you who don't know, Bingley Hall is a 10,000-plus capacity shed (a giant cowshed, really), at the County Showground just outside Stafford, and owned by the Staffordshire Agricultural Society. Before the NEC and other purpose-built venues came along, gigs at this venue (which on other occasions were filled with agricultural displays or animal pens) were a big deal, on a par with Wembley Arena and the like. Others to have played there include Abba, Black Sabbath, Genesis, Thin Lizzy, Saxon, Yes and Rush. I remember my Mum being worried sick about me going to the gig. Worried about the size of the crowd. Worried about the music volume. Worried about drugs. She was particularly worried that I was wearing a Thin Lizzy badge on my denim jacket and might get beaten up by some aggressive Queen fan who took exception to any other band. I had to persuade her that rock fans were not quite so tribal as football fans. I also remember standing fairly close to the glass-fronted doors in the queue and the physical, painful ache of anticipation. What came next is a blur - the doors finally being opened, the crush as we made our way through and our tickets were examined, the further crush by the merchandise stall (I got myself a big, square programme, which I've still got). Then I made my way into the crowd, jockeying for a position as near to the front as possible. The gig was all-standing and as showtime got closer the build-up of pressure was astonishing. I was pretty central, but there was constant swaying from left to right, if you lifted your legs you wouldn't fall, just be carried along with this sea of rock fans. Finally the wait is over (yes, I know I've changed tense, it just suits my recollections better). The lights go down. The roar of the crowd is unbelievably loud. But what comes next is even louder. As we strain to see what's going on the air is filled with a mechanical sound, the giant lighting rig (Queen's famed crown set-up) is lifting into the air in a sea of smoke. We Will Rock You explodes into the air. It's all light and smoke and noise... and suddenly there's Brian May, playing that guitar, just feet away from me. The spotlights fall on John Deacon and Roger Taylor behind his gigantic drumkit. Just one thing left now. Freddie. And he appears out of nowhere, Freddie Mercury, prancing and preening around the stage, soaking up the adulation, singing his guts out, clad in shiny black PVC. Call me innocent or naive, but back then I didn't really know about the whole gay/camp fetish thing... he just looked like the superstar he was. For the next two hours or so I am transported to a whole new place. We get the rockers (Brighton Rock, We Are The Champions, Now I'm Here, a pre-release It's Late, I'm In Love With My Car), the pop-orientated stuff (Killer Queen, Spread Your Wings, Somebody To Love, You're My Best Friend) and a superb acoustic section, featuring Love Of My Life and its amazing crowd singalong and '39, during which a string breaks on Brian May's guitar but he carries on regardless, note perfect to my ears. Oh, and we get Bohemian Rhapsody too. It's still only a couple of years old at this point, and although obviously something incredibly special is still making it's way up the ladder to immortality to stand alongside the likes of Stairway To Heaven. Anyway, it's bloody brilliant. Queen leave the stage for the opera section, enabling them to make another grand entrance in lights, smoke and pyrotechnics for the rock-out - a masterstroke! According to Kevin Ruscoe's review of this gig at the superb www.queenconcerts.com site we also got White Man and The Prophet's Song, but I have no recollection of that at all. Nonetheless it still sticks in my mind as one of the greatest gigs I have even seen over the past 28 years, and as one of the greatest events of my life. Like Kevin, I remember singing You'll Never Walk Alone at the end of God Save The Queen, a football terrace salute to a rock phenomenon. What a night!”  - Ian Harvey (April 28, 2006)

Part-1

[a-box-of-scraps]

IronDad LGBTQ+ Fic Recs

Happy Pride Month everyone! I hadn’t planned on making this (hence the belated posting), but with everything that’s been going on, I just really needed to put something positive into the world. I tried to link all the author tumblrs I could find, but please let me know if I missed anyone!

1-5k Words

cut from his strings by macabre (trans Peter)

In which Peter’s dysphoria makes eating easier said than done. Ouch ouch ouch. My poor heart. Peter’s battle to find peace in his own skin hurts, but in an unapologetic and truthful way. Seeing Tony help him with recovery makes the pain worth it.

Dudes in Distress by @boww-tiez (gay Peter)

In which Peter’s coming out doesn’t exactly go to plan; cue Tony making it better. Peter’s so adorable in this! His nervousness about telling Tony he’s gay and regret over some of his past experiences is really well written. Brilliant relationship dynamic. Ten out of ten for fluffiness.

general relativity by macabre (Peter likes boys)

In which Tony worries about what big secret his adopted son could be trying so hard to keep from him. Another beautifully written fic from macabre, who always portrays Peter and Tony’s relationship with genuine emotional depth. This is one of those go-to fics I reread whenever I’m feeling down.

no cops at pride, just spiderman by @tempestaurora (bi Peter and bi Tony)

In which Peter convinces Tony to attend Pride parade with him. This one has so many cute moments (it’s officially canon that Peter’s crushing on Bucky), but it’s also very touching when Tony talks about his experiences being in the LGBT community during the 1980s and 90s. Respect to authors who can incorporate social activism into their writing so smoothly.

Of Gods and Crushes by @tstarkapologist (bi Peter)

In which Peter has a not-so-secret crush on Thor. I was grinning like a loon the entire way through this. Tony’s the perfect combination of supportive and teasing—he’s just nailing the Embarrassing Dad (tm) role that he was born to play. (And really, who doesn’t have a crush Thor?)

Peter Parker’s Top Surgery Fund by @vivilevone (trans Peter)

In which there’s a bakesale, certain revelations are had, and an ‘anonymous’ donation is made to GoFundMe. Shout-out to Tony who’s so clueless but tries so hard. Funny and cute with just a dash of angst thrown in; hits the spot. Featuring Number One Bestie Ned and Science Bro Bruce.

Use Somebody (Someone Like You) by @rosalinesbenvolio (trans Peter)

In which Peter’s not very good at coming out despite his best efforts. What a cutie (both Peter and this fic)! A heartfelt, comedic, altogether delightful read. Peter and Tony’s relationship is genuinely sweet. Kudos to Michelle for being that best friend everyone needs.

5-15k Words

5 Times Peter Acted Like A Teenager And The 1 Time He Had To Be An Adult by @losingmymindtonight (Peter likes boys) 

In which Peter misses curfew, falls in love, gets his heart broken, and might need a few pep talks from his dad along the way. Did I mention there’s a kidnapping? Tony is *chef’s kiss* in this, especially as he helps Peter navigate through his first real breakup by providing much comfort and cuddles and encouragement. Dramatic!Teenager!Peter is my spirit animal.

Ace!Peter series by @peter-parkerson (biromantic ace Peter)

In which sometimes kids can be jerks, but luckily Peter has people there to remind him he’s not in any way broken. Sweet and soft and lovely. Featuring Tony as the ally parent every queer kid deserves and Ned as the caring, understanding, altogether wonderful boyfriend who knows there’s more to relationships than just sex.

Asexual!Peter series by @parkrstark (biromantic ace Peter and bi Tony)

In which Peter uses indecipherable metaphors, Tony becomes increasingly confused, and May’s the saint who puts up with them both. Oof. My poor, poor heart. I really just want to wrap Peter in a hug and tell him everything’s going to be okay, then buy him an ace flag cape and drag him to Pride March. Luckily Tony’s there to do all that for me.

June by @peterparkrr (gay Peter and bi Tony)

In which Tony buys a parenting book and (not so successfully) tries to get Peter to come out. I absolutely love how Tony is written in this! Even though he might still be getting the hang of this parenting thing, you can tell how deeply he cares about Peter and just wants what’s best for him. Only criticism is that it makes my face hurt from smiling so widely; the fluffiness and humor is just too good!

15-25k Words

Fragile and Composed by @theoceanismyinkwell I’m sorry the @ isn’t working it keeps saying “no blogs found” (gay Peter and bi Tony)

In which Steve gives some advice, Peter confronts some bullies, and Tony is there to deal with the fallout. Guh. This fic. Everything TheOceanIsMyInkwell writes gives me *emotions* and I love it. I love the tension between Tony and Steve as they try to move forward after Civil War. I love Peter standing up for himself and his friends. I love Tony being protective, and trying to do better for Peter when he realizes he’s missed the mark. Just gorgeous in every way.

Gay Disaster Peter Parker series by Iwillseduceyouwithmyweirdness (is it redundant to say gay Peter?)

In which, as the title suggests, Peter Parker is a gay disaster. Every work in this series does an amazing job depicting some of the very real struggles queer teens often face (particularly self-harm/mental health issues and bullying). It’s raw and painful, but at the same time offers so much hope that recovery is possible. Tony’s love and support and care for Peter makes my heart happy.

i never promised you your dream boy series by @ftmpeter (gay/trans Peter)

In which even when it feels like the universe is against him, Peter’s family and friends will always have his back. This series is wonderful in so many aspects, but the thing that really shines through for me is Tony’s characterization. He fumbles once in a while, and might not have a ton of background knowledge about LGBTQ+ issues, but he does his absolute best to learn and help Peter through day to day challenges of being trans. Perfect ally.

Lightning in a Bottle by @groo-ock (Peter likes boys)

In which Spider-Man and the Human Torch are dating, but Peter Parker and Johnny Storm definitely, definitely aren’t. Definitely not. Gruoch’s fics are always an absolute joy to read, and this one is no different. Even if you’re not a Fantastic Four fan, please give it a chance, especially if you need something fun and lighthearted right now; the humor is terrific! Exasperated Tony is icing on the cake. This poor man puts up with so many shenanigans...

Project Pride by TheSleepingOwl (gay Peter)

In which Peter doesn’t know that Tony knows he’s gay, and Tony’s an over the top helicopter dad who’s just trying his best. This one deals with some pretty heavy stuff, including Peter’s lasting trauma from being sexually abused when he was younger, but the author handles it all with dignity and respect and does it justice. A lot of parts made me laugh. Other parts had me tearing up. Other parts had me full-out sobbing. An incredible read and instant favorite.