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erika-being-erika · 4 years ago

Text

More levihan reccomendations!

Part 1

• One Last Time by PiercingThePage

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Levi & Hanji have been dating for about 3 years in highschool. He starts to have feelings for one of the pretty girls names Petra Ral. After he starts cheating on Hanji with her, he decides he wants out of the relationship. Until the day he decides to tell her, ends up being the day she tells him that she's pregnant. Will they make it out well, or will Levi start to realize he is becoming his own dead beat dad

• Having My Baby by Countess_Dorkula

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Another SNK Kink Meme fill. Follow Levi and Hanji as they go through the marvelous adventure towards parenthood.

• catch me if you can by fanmoose12

[Multi-chapter || on going]

Summary:

The Ackerman duo. Just the mention of this name filled Hange with so many feelings. Mostly, when she reread the files of their cases over and over, until her eyes watered, she felt pricking annoyance. Sometimes, when she stared at the dead bodies of those scarce unfortunates who stumbled upon their crimes, she was filled with hatred and a pushing need for revenge. Hange couldn't deny, however, there were times when she marveled at the impudence of their crimes. And, when she was investigating the Ackerman's cases and saw just how meticulously planned they all were, she couldn't help but feel something close to fascination.

No one knew who they were. No one had seen their faces, no one knew their true names. Almost everyone knew of their crimes.

Hange was determined to unravel every last one of their secrets. She will put an end to their crimes and then she will get the elusive Ackermans behind bars.

• Partners by fanmoose12

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

When Petra was promoted to a detective and partnered up with legendary Levi Ackerman, she felt like the happiest person in the world.

But, as she soon found out, detective Ackerman she used to admire so much was actually a far cry from the ideal policeman Petra thought he was. He was rude, harsh and easily annoyed.

And, in addition, he still hadn’t moved on from the death of his previous partner - detective Hange Zoe.

• can't keep my hands off you by fanmoose12

[Multi-chap || completed]

Summary:

Hange, Levi and their not so secret relationship.

• Looking for You by fanmoose12

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Returning from a long mission, all Levi wanted was to spend sometime with Hange. But instead he got a message from Erwin, urging him to come to HQ. There he found out, that Hange was missing for over a week and that his new mission is to partner with Moblit, Hange's loyal assistant, and together find and bring Hange home.

• A Tale of Two Slaves by TundrainAfrica

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

"Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn't exist. Everything's a choice. And Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him."

Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn't.

• Free-Falling by djmarinizela

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Skydiver and tea shop owner Levi Ackerman meets the town’s resident mad scientist and tries to convince himself that he's not falling for her.

• All of Me by MannaTea

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

By the time they reached the trees, Sylvia's sides were heaving, her flanks covered in sweat-foam, but they couldn't afford to stop; two titans had become more. Hange refused to look behind her, but she could tell by the way the ground shook that one of them was at least a 13-meter class.

And all she had with her was one blade and a horse who was about to drop dead of exhaustion.1

• Dreams May Not Come True by MannaTea

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Levihan. Hange knows something is wrong when she goes down to breakfast one morning and the smell makes her stomach churn.

• Something Like Destiny by MannaTea

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Reincarnation AU. Zoë doesn't have dreams; she just knows.

• A Dangerous Game by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

A snk 1920′s AU:

Sina is wild, crowded, bursting with industry. Home to jazz, fashion - and corruption. Crooked politicians, dirty police, and powerful gangs have turned the city into a cesspit of violence where the powerful rule. At the center of the chaos are the Ackermans - one of the most powerful gangs in the city, Mayor Fritz - who is as corrupt as he is wealthy, Erwin - a police commander determined to weed out the corruption in his own department, and Hanji - a journalist willing to risk everything to expose their city’s darkest secrets.

• A Simple Choice by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

The rain had started up again. Fat droplets drummed over her hood, drenching the fabric. Her horse’s reins were wet and cold; though her fingers, numbed from continued exposure to the elements, could hardly feel them.

Following the sound of the explosion, they’d arrived at a clearing. It was a mess of blackened, shattered wood, and the wagon, a skeleton, was little more than a smoking husk. Beyond the wreckage, a titan lay prostrate. Felled, its limp, hulking form was barely visible through the rain.

As soldiers shouted, pointing at the creature, one of the horses still tethered to the ruined wagon, writhed. When the beast screamed a broken, panicked wail, her own horse shifted, flanks twitching with unease.

Hanji barely noticed.

The soldiers' voices, the poor beast’s screams, even the heavy, even thrum of rain - had silenced as she looked to the river.

A body lay at the edge of the dark, white-capped water.

• License to Science (And Kill) by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

When International criminal organization, TITAN, successfully steals an arsenal of missiles along with their encrypted launch codes, Code Blue is initiated. It up to Agent Levi Ackerman, a spy in a class of his own, and Research scientist Hanji Zoe, the premiere authority on the organization, to halt a global catastrophe in its tracks.

She lowered her glasses, brown eyes blinking over the rims. “Does this mean I have a-” One brow lifted. “License to Science?”

“No. But I do have a License to Kill. Don’t tempt me to use it.”

• Aftermath by just_quintessentially_me

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Levi rushes to the wall in the aftermath of the Armored and Colossal Titans' attack.

“Are you worried about your wife?”

The question shocked him out of his musings.

Levi looked up, “My what?”

But the pastor was already speaking, “You’re obviously beside yourself with stress – and it’s understandable. Not knowing if your wife has survived-”

Levi cut him off, “My what?”

The pastor hesitated, apparently realizing he’d made some mistake, but misunderstanding precisely what it was. “Your…wife? The woman we traveled with before? She’s ah – forceful. You two uh – have the same, er – strident personality. When we first met, she dangled me off the wall.”

• Terrible Things by someonestolemyshoes

[One-shot]

Summary:

The first time he tells her she’s pretty, Hange is all kinds of filthy - sweaty, dirty, twigs in her hair and mud on her shoes and a great big disgusting ball of everything Levi hates.

She is also crying.

It isn’t like he’s never seen her cry before - they’re nine and crying is just what kids do, especially kids like Hange who like to play with things they probably shouldn’t play with and like to climb trees even though they’re kind of clumsy and so the crying, in it’s self, isn’t all that weird.

What’s weird is that Hange - Hange, with her print-smudged glasses and ratty ponytail and clothes two sizes too big for her - is crying because a boy called her ugly.

• Acquiescence by 3LevisInATrenchcoat

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

On Judgement Day, the tide brought someone strange.

• My soulmate by a_golden_hearted_snk_fan

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

When your soulmate gets injured or hurt, their injuries show up on your skin with a slight sting then slowly fade. It was a rare thing to occur, but Levi and Hanji were the lucky ones.

• SOS by djmarinizela

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Levi is a reclusive senior student who shares an apartment with Mike, Nanaba, and his best friend, Hange, who he's secretly in love with. Oddly enough, they also belong to the same secret club with a special operations squad. The 104th cohort is a bunch of freshmen misfits they've taken under their wing, Moblit is Hange's lab partner also vying for her affections, while Erwin’s the newest instructor who doesn’t know how to teach. And they say school is fun.

• the moon is dark by alteirkay

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

His face was wet.

“What the hell?” He murmured touching his face to see if he was mistaken. He was not. His hair was damp with sweat. There was an uneasiness invading his whole body. He was filled with it like he had drunk it straight from a bottle. His chest was heavy, his breaths were uneven, and his right eye was throbbing like a hammer was hitting at it continuously.

He was feeling like he had just lost someone.

• The Experiment by KakashiSensei

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

After a public brawl between them, Commander Erwin confines Captain Levi and Zoë Hange to barracks. When the Survey Corps next heads out, they are left behind as a punishment. Soon bored out of her mind, Hange turns her scientific curiosity towards the most interesting specimen within her reach: Levi. When his past reaches out to him to claim him back, she joins him on a dangerous journey. Do budding feelings have a chance in the most desolate of places?

• windmill by alteirkay

[One-shot]

Summary:

Here is the thing about Levi, his heart is a windmill in the middle of a wilderness where there was no wind to make it twirl, there was no wind to make it beat, pound and feel. Just feel.

Until one day he got hit by a storm so wild, so rare and so incredibly terrifying but in the most beautiful and breath-taking way that it left him defenceless, vulnerable and weak. Like a tiny little flower which had long passed its day of blossoming in a fierce, winter dawn yet it stood erect with its fragile body, challenging against the merciless winds and the brutal frost.

He fell in love.

• In Your Shoes by Neighborhood_Nori

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary

Levi, Paradis Studio's strict ballet instructor, can't stand the newly hired hip-hop instructor, Hanji. As a ballet dancer with his own complicated history with hip-hop, Levi only has respect for the more refined forms of dance. Can Hanji change his mind about her and her style of dance through determination, persistence, and her passion for dance?

• Distractions by Rookblonkorules

[One -shot]

Summary:

Hange’s love for pop culture interferes with her and Levi’s work.

It’s annoying.

• Leave You Whole. by zerothecreator

[One-shot]

Summary:

Levi spends his last moments in Hangë’s arms.

• Moments by Anonymous

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Levihan Modern AU

She's a long-legged, sun-kissed beauty with tattoos in hidden places and multiple piercings.

Her leather jacket's on his bedroom floor, her ripped jeans too and she's pretty sure one of her heeled scarlet boots got left in the living room in their haste last night. At least her glasses are on top of the bedside drawer- they managed that, at least.

• more baby snacks by argethara

[One-shot]

Summary:

Levi tries to find out how and why boxes of Udo's biscuits are gone.

• Anniversary by EllePellano

[One-shot]

Summary:

AU One-shot: Erwin and Levi have a short conversation about the woman they both loved

• All We Are by TundrainAfrica

[One-shot]

Summary:

"We’re what’s left of the old survey corps Levi. We’re all alone.”

“We can’t be alone if there’s two of us.”

“So what do you suggest Captain Levi?”

“We stick together…” Levi answered. “We stick together, Commander Hange.”

During the time skip, Hange and Levi's relationship develops.

• Thin Ice by Xenobia

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Takes place between events in chapter 90 of the manga. Hange, now commander of Survey Corps, commissions Captain Levi to scout territory in the mountains to search for a supply tower she believes may still be stocked. The scouts need all the supplies and currency they can get in order to carry on with their goals. Against his better judgment, Levi joins her on this excursion. The bitter, early winter makes their mission harder than expected, however. The pair find themselves relying on each other to survive, and they find it increasingly difficult to treat one another as comrades in arms and nothing more.

• Hidden Meanings by WhatHistoryForgets

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Hange never thought a materialistic item could mean so much to her until she lost it.

• Of teacups and stale bread

[One-shot]

Summary:

Five times Hange prepared tea for Levi, and the one time that he did.

• Unintended Consequence(s) by Ella3982

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

Not all of the Anti-Personnel Control Squad died when the cavern collapsed. Some of them escaped through the tunnel Hange, Moblit, and Armin used. When the two parties meet, the Anti-Personnel Control Squad takes the three Survey Corps members hostage with the intent to force the Survey Corp's hand. However, when they find out that Kenny Ackerman has died, they become more desperate.

If the Uprising Arc had ended a bit differently, how would it alter the course of the story? What would change, and what would stay the same?

• A Fire in the Shadows by free_pancakes

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

LeviHan in an Avatar the Last Airbender AU - a side story occurring alongside the events of ATLA

Levi, the nephew of a fire nation captain, stumbles upon a ragtag group of 5 known as the Scouts, formidably known for foiling the plans of local fire nation control, living in the forests a few miles north of Ba Sing Se.

• Speak Your Dark Pleasures to Me by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)

Summary:

A collection of drabbles and oneshots exploring a sexual relationship between Levi and Hanji.

• Tips & Tricks by Sleepyheadven

[One-shot]

Summary:

Eren’s brow was furrowed forward in confusion as he spoke. “I thought you said that staring at people isn’t nice?” He said after a few moments, gathering his thoughts. He seemed genuinely bewildered as to why she was intensely staring down a stranger when she had told him countless times before that it was impolite to do so.

Oh, lord, was her only thought as she quickly scrambled for an excuse. “I - Uh - well, sometimes people stare at other people because -” before she could even begin to form a proper sentence, Eren interjected. She wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or dismayed by his actions.

“Is it because you think he’s cute? My friend Ymir stares at my friend Krista that way all the time, she says it’s because she’s so pretty!” Eren babbled happily, oblivious to the way Hange’s grip around the handle of the cart tightened. Her brown eyes darted back and forth between the stranger and her son, hoping that he couldn’t overhear their conversation seeing as Eren wasn’t the softest of speakers.

• A drunk man always tells the truth by krissixh

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Levi finds out that Hanji is engaged to a rich man. He gets drunk that night and confronts her his feelings. The two have to confront a lot of difficulties to be able to end as a couple.

• Relapses by Oreotragus

[Multi-chapt || completed]

Summary:

Despite having become a great asset to humankind, Captain Levi still has some trouble adjusting to his post-crime lifestyle, especially the social aspects of it. One extremely badly coordinated step out of his comfort zone creates a grand mess that he has to clean up.

• Weight of Survival by otterbeans

[One-shot]

Summary:

Hanji gives birth to Levi's unintentional child. She pretends to be surprised when he shows up for it.

• Don't drink the kool-aid by smallblip

[One-shot]

Summary:

Think of a number between one and ten. Because that's how you love in this world. First you toss out the word love. You tell it to its face that Commander Erwin Smith says “love is the ultimate cult of men... A sect... A dirty ploy by the whatever god is up there to make us all vulnerable..."

And then, everything falls into place.

• until another thursday evening by pinkweirdsunsets

[Multi-chapt || on going]

Summary:

and ever since they were only five, Levi had protected her, whether it was from the daily shenanigans she came up with or the criminal background he came from. She was his sunshine, messy and grinning, and he shielded her away from all terrible things.

until zeke yeager came along.

• Make It Make Sense! By cznpai

[Multi-chapt || completed]

I can't add the summary cause I've reached the limit. Welp i still have a lot of fics here so ill make a another post of reccomendations... HAHA bye!

#levihan #levi x hange #levihan oneshot #levihan fanfic #levihans #pls tell me if i putted the wrong link #guess im gonna make a part 3 👁👄👁#i thought all of them will fit in here #guess im wrong lol #k bye!

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narcissistheadgirl · 4 years ago

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Ready or Not, Part 1

Hong Yu-Chan is not just Chairman Jang Guk-Hwan’s lawyer, also a trustworthy friend. He dies in a car accident shortly after his beloved friend’s unexpected death. Jang Han-Seok and Hong Cha-Young are childhood friends. They have been working together as the Chairman and his loyal lawyer since their fathers’ death.

“Did you take care of it?” Han-Seok asked. “Smoothly, as always. I spent a small piece of your fortune though." She scoffed. “That's why i make it, right?" He winked.

***

Even after ten years, Cha-Young still believes his father was killed. After hearing the existence of The Guillotine File, she starts searching for it. She hopes she will find a clue about her father's murder in the file.

“I may or may not have found something about The Guillotine File.” Han-Seok rolled his eyes wearily. “I don’t understand why you are so obsessed with it.” Her face hardened. “The file was documented by former chief prosecutor. It includes all the corruptions and crimes committed by Korean businessmen, politicians and old money.” She huffed and took a large gulp from her whisky. “There must be something in it about our fathers' deaths. There must be a clue.” “Well, mine was an asshole. So I don’t care what happened to him as long as he stays dead. And about yours… Late-night, drunk driver, old age. Sounds like a tragic fate to me.” “No, it’s not.” Cha-Young was dead serious and Han-Seok knew, she’d go the whole nine yards.

***

With his indifference, she goes after the Guillotine File on her own. Traces take her to the head of the Italian Mafia: La Famiglia Cassano. She gets in touch with their Korean contact man, he gets in touch with The Cassanos. With all her stubbornness, she pushes them to set up a meeting. And then, only weeks later… She books a seat on the direct flight to Italy. What Cha-Young wants, Cha-Young gets, right?

***

And Han-Seo. Final year undergraduate student. Unprofessional hockey player. The future Vice Chairman. Like a brother to Cha Young. Still, she feels he’s hiding something from her. Something she needs to know.

“I’m gonna miss you, Noona. This place doesn’t feel like home when you’re not here.” She playfully punched his upper arm. “Ya! Don’t be such a drama queen! This is my thing.”

***

When Cha-Young lands in Italy, she is greeted by an unexpected greeter.

Cha-Young knew who the attractive young man was. Vincenzo Cassano, the infamous Italian-Korean Consigliere of the Cassano Family. She walked towards him and was about to reach out her hand when he bowed slightly. “Itallia-e osin geos-eul hwan-yeonghabnida, Hong Cha-Young byeonhosa-nim.” She smiled and this time, reached out her hand properly. “È un grande piacere essere qui come ospite della famiglia Cassano.” It was his turn to smile. He shook her hand gently while good looking, young, Italian man -must be his driver, Cha-Young thought- was taking her luggage. “Vincenzo Cassano.” “Are you always the one picking family’s guests up from the airport, Mr. Consigliere?” “Capo thought it’d be better for you to be greeted by a friendly face. Shall we go?”

I blame google for the wrong translation (:

Part 2 will be aired soon - i hope -

My other moodboards are: The Foreign Father , Dear Past Me

#vincenzo #chayenzo #vincenzo x cha young #vincenzo fanfic #chayenzo ready or not #i guess thats all

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vampiremansionpoolboy-moved · 4 years ago

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sk8 au week - day 2: royalty and soulmate

reki kyan was nearing his eighteenth birthday and he had yet to meet his soulmate. reki has heard the whispers of the people in the town about people who don’t find their soulmates. it’s not that he didn’t have one -he did, for your information, thank you very much- but because reki was from a royal family, and therefore a prince, he was to be married off and did not have the luxury of being with his soulmate. unless his soulmate was from another royal family, but reki had seen where his red string lead: straight into the center of the town below. so no such luck for another noble as his soulmate.

reki’s mother had tried to let him build friendships and hopefully relationships with the other royal children around his age, but reki had dreams about meeting his soulmate and never developed anything more than friendship with the other royals.

reki stared at his red string, eyes tracing its path down into the village, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone. sometimes when he sleep he caught glimpses of a tall, pale, slender figure and bright blue eyes. reki wondered what those eyes would look like mere inches from his own.

suddenly a book smacked into the back of reki’s head, startling him from his daydream.

“what the fuck-“ reki’s head whipped around.

“hey there slime.” said a voice.

reki groaned at the sight of the boy sitting atop his desk.

“hello miya.” he grumbled.

“what’re you looking at?” the young prince asked, a catlike smirk breaking out on his face.

“nothing,” reki said pushing himself up and walking over to miya.

“so is your mom still making you meet that prince for dinner tonight?” miya hummed as he twirled a pen in his hands.

reki’s mother was much more kind with her son and his romantic predicament, compared to reki’s father who was ready to marry his son off without a meeting between the spouses. but after his father ran away with the sevrant girl he impregnated no one stuck to his old rules.

“yes, but i have a plan to escape and i need your help.” reki said placing his hands on miya’s shoulders.

“i’m all ears,” miya said leaning forward as if reki’s mother was outside the door and eavesdropping this very moment.

“ok so i need you to mix up joe and shadow’s schedules so they’re both in the great hall at the same time. we cant have a fancy dinner set up if the cook and florist are in there at the same time now can we?”

“i like what i’m hearing.”

“and then i need you and koyomi to either distract the stable hand while i sneak through the barn.”

“done. is that all you need?”

“yep. the rest is up to me. joe accidentally let it slip that his soulmate is the craftsman in town and that he sneaks out at the exit behind the greenhouses to meet him. so thanks to joe i’ve got my escape route all planned.”

“well look at this, prince reki ditching the feast planned just for him. who would have thought?” miya asked with a laugh.

“well after how the last dinner ended it’s not that surprising.” reki said with a shudder as he remembered the glazed goat falling onto the poor princess who was just looking for a potential marriage partner.

miya let out snicker at the memory. “well now that you say that...”

“anyways i have to hurry if i wanna make it before my mom sends a servant to make sure i’m ready.”

“oh right right let’s go. i’ll go get koyomi and head to the stables. see you soon.” and with a wink miya slipped out the door and was gone. grabbing a cloak from his bed, reki fastened the clasp and dashed out the room after miya.

he was sick of all this arranged marriage bullshit, he was sick of it all. reki just wanted to meet his soulmate and fall in love. he knew his thoughts were selfish though. he was the eldest of the four kyan children and his mom was doing her best to rule a kingdom by herself, so by default his marriage was bound to be political. it was very unlikely he would end up with his soulmate.

and so that’s why reki was going to meet his soulmate tonight. he would meet them and apologize for being a lousy soulmate before heading back to the castle to meet the prince who he was supposed to be dinning with.

for most of reki’s life he soulmate had lead to a place up in the snowy mountains. but within the past few years the string moved into the town below the castle reki lived in. just like fate his soulmate moved to his home town. but it was someone else’s fate, not his. so reki made up his mind weeks ago: meet his soulmate, apologize, then finally agree to a political marriage. his plan would take away his curiously about his soulmate, it would hopefully lessen his guilt about not being able to be with said soulmate, and it would make his mom happy. so why didn’t he like what he was about to do?

ignoring the heavy feeling in his stomach reki pushed on. running quietly through the halls reki hid behind stone pillars and over large plant pots when he needed too. finally reaching the barn reki slipped into there to see miya and koyomi talking away with the stable hand over a loaf of bread and some pieces of cheese.

slipping past the trio and out into the courtyard beyond reki doesn’t make a noise. he holds his breath all the way to the green house, and doesn’t let it out until he’s well into the tunnel behind it. some time ago a tunnel was dug in the large wall protecting the castle, the entrance was hidden by vines on both sides. the cave was known only to a select few.

as reki hurried through the cave he began to think back to some of his earlier suitors. he remembers his best friend who he could have seen himself marrying despite not being soulmates. but his friend got sick and went back to his kingdom and reki never heard from him again.

but tonight was about his soulmate. so reki trudged on, squinting for the cave opening.

before long the prince was stumbling out of the vines and onto the street. luckily it was mostly empty. empty except for a tall man with long pink hair and glasses.

at the sound of someone falling through the leaves he looked up but seemed shocked to see a teenager.

“your not kojiro.” the stranger blurted.

“and your not- actually i wasn’t waiting for anyone and i have no idea who you are...or who kojiro is.”

the man stared at reki for a minute before recognition flashed in his eyes.

“prince reki! what are you doing outside of the castle?”

“i um...well you see-“ but reki was cut off by a rustling behind the vines and a large figure falling out of said vines.

“kaoru you will never believe the day i had...” joe trailed off, eyes catching sight of a panicked reki and surprised kaoru.

“joe?” reki blurted at the same time joe said “reki?”

the two stared at each other before reki made a run for it.

but joe caught him by his hood so reki didn’t get far.

“kid what the hell are you doing here?” joe said apparently forgetting all formalities one should talk to their prince with.

“not of your business! and i could ask you the same!” reki yelled as he struggled to get free from joe’s grip.

“i’m meeting my soulmate. and i’m going to ask you again, what are you doing here?”

reki sagged, giving up the struggle. “same here,”

“you’re meeting your soulmate?” kaoru asked.

“yes, what about it?” reki said crossing his arms. it had all gone so good until now.

“aren’t you supposed to be in a arranged marriage?”

“yes so i’m going to meet my soulmate and apologize before agreeing to an arranged marriage.”

“what?” joe said, surprise causing him to loosen his grip. taking the chance reki dashed away. ignoring the yells behind him reki kept on running. nothing can stop me now, reki thought, i’ve come this far.

eyeing his string, reki ran through the streets watching it get tighter and tighter. reki was too focused on the string that he didn’t see the boy in front of himself until it was too late.

the boys slammed into each other hard, the medicinal products in the other boy’s hands clattering to the ground.

“oh shit sorry-“

“sorry-“

they both spoke at the same time causing the boys to look up at each other abruptly. the boy had bright blue hair that went down past his ears. he was tall and lanky, his skin almost as pale as snow. bright blue eyes that reki had sworn he had seen before. but when reki’s gaze meet the boy‘s hands, his heart stopped. a thin red string connecting reki’s own finger to this mystery boy’s, hung in the air. a red string of fate; a soulmate string. this boy was his soulmate.

eyes snapping back to the bright blue ones reki knew his soulmate saw it too.

“well shit.” reki blurted and the boy began to laugh. it was a sweet noise, like the chime of heavenly bells. and so reki began to laugh too.

“well i guess you’re my soulmate. that makes this search a lot easier then.” standing up and reaching out a hand to his soulmate, reki began to speak. “so you probably know who i am and therefore i can’t marry you -or be with you quite frankly- and i’m very sorry for that and it’s selfish of me but i have the responsibility of the kingdom on my shoulders and i can’t fail my people.”

“what? ‘kingdom’? what are you talking about?” the boy‘s blank stare bored into reki.

“...i’m the prince. and i’m going to be king someday. and as much i want to be with my soulmate -you-, i have to be responsible for my people -which includes you-.”

realization dawned on his face. “ooh, i see.”

“and honestly i don’t care about the difference of ‘rank’ between noble and townsfolk but other royalty do.”

“well my moms a doctor if that means anything.”

“a prominent roll indeed but unfortunately not enough for the in-law of a prince. well not in my eyes, but in the eyes of others.”

the boy hummed in though. “well she was the queen of the kingdom in the mountains before my father fell to illness and some corrupt politician overthrew her and had us banished. do that mean anything?”

“you- you mean you were a prince?”

the boy nods.

“oh my god. oh my god! this may just work then! i may be able to be with my soulmate and still have a marriage that pleases the royal court!” reki’s eyes light up in happiness. “that’s only if you do want to be with me i mean.” he added.

“well you’re my soulmate, are you not? so we’re meant to be together, no?”

“well yes of course. but i wanted to make sure you were comfortable with it and all...”

“of course reki.” the boy said sweetly while reaching out and clasping reki’s hands in his own.

reki almost melted at the use of his given name spoken by his soulmate.

“oh wait can i call you that? is that ok?”

all reki could do was dumbly nod.

“my names langa by the way.”

“langa,” reki said testing out the way the name felt on his tongue. “i like it!” he smiled and watched as langa’s face turned red.

“well should we head to the castle or something to relay the news?” langa asked, turning to reki.

“hmmm i think we can wait a minute. wanna show me around the town?”

“it would be my honor.”

and so the two boys disappeared into the lively bustle of the town as the laughed away and held each other’s hand like a lifeline.

~ ~ ~

@sk8-au-week

#we’re not gonna talk abt how i forgot to post the writing for the day i was most excited abt #toad talks #sk8 au week #soulmates #royalty au #toad writes

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loominggaia · 4 years ago

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NOTABLE MINERVAE

(Gold stars around their names signifies that they were part of Karenza’s “Chosen Ones”--aka: her most trusted confidants. In other words...the ones who know about her child.)

OVERVIEW

Minervae are a type of titan nymph. All minervae were once maenads, nymphs of spirit, but were transformed into their titan forms by Karenza, the Divine of Love. As titans, these nymphs grow in size, they become stronger and more intelligent, and the glowing crescent on their forehead opens into a full circle called an “eyespot” or “third eye”.

Through this third eye they can see things that most other peoples cannot, such as ghosts, auras, or even the future. Becoming a minervae grants these nymphs extraordinary powers, and it’s not a gift Karenza gives away frivolously. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and sometimes the burden is too much for even the strongest of minervae.

Though all minervae once served Karenza in exchange for her blessing, not all of them continue to serve her forever. Many go out into the world and use their new powers as they see fit, and not all of them continue to obey Karenza’s teachings.

There are only a few hundred minervae upon Looming Gaia. Some particularly notable ones are…

Destiny – As a maenad, she was known as Jubilee. Destiny was the first maenad Karenza ever transformed into a minervae. With her eyespot she can see into the future, and the future she witnesses is what shall be no matter what action is taken. She was one of the few Karenza chose to build the Trial of Titans. She later left Karenza’s company to become a researcher at the World Athenaeum, specializing in divinity and celestials.

Patience – As a maenad, she was known as Sweet Cheeks. Patience sought Karenza’s gift so that she could help the poor and unfortunate. Today she operates in one of Karenza’s many Houses of Love and Light, where she grows food for the hungry. She specializes in botanical magic.

Hope – As a maenad, she was known as Allura. Hope is a High Priestess of Love and Light. She oversees one of Karenza’s temples in the crime-riddled city of Taybiya, where she preaches Karenza’s teachings to all who will listen. While she preaches peace and love, she specializes in hazard magic—particularly pyromancy. She uses her fearsome fire spells to ward off hooligans.

Austerity – As a maenad, he was known as Dizzy. Austerity is the only male minervae on Looming Gaia. He was once a feminine maenad like any other, but asked Karenza to transform him into a masculine form as a minervae. His wish was granted, and along with his new form he gained a third eye that could see many possible futures. Today he spends half the year travelling between Houses of Love and Light all over the world, where he counsels the troubled. They can peer into his eyespot and see what their future holds if they continue on their current path, or learn what will happen if they take a different one. Austerity is also a master of transmutation magic, able to change others into any form they wish. When he is not traveling, he’s at home with his wife Prudence, another notable minervae.

Prudence – As a maenad, she was known as Melancholy. With her third eye, Prudence can see ghosts and other metaphysical beings that others cannot. She specializes in the art of necromancy and is believed to be the most masterful exorcist alive on Looming Gaia. If Prudence can’t dispel a spirit, then no one can. She is currently married to another notable minervae named Austerity. She spends half the year at home with her husband and the other half travelling around the world to clear haunted areas and dispel rogue undead.

Courage – As a maenad, she was known as Skipper. Courage can see into different dimensions with her third eye. She is a skilled teleportationist who can not only teleport across Looming Gaia, but into other these dimensions as well. She has an insatiable wanderlust and no fear of the unknown. She is credited for discovering many celestial dimensions, which have been recorded by the World Athenaeum’s research division.

Gratitude – As a maenad, she was known as Misery. Gratitude suffered much abuse and tragedy during her life as a maenad, so she wishes to use her powers as a minervae to make the world a gentler place. She is a talented witch who knows countless blessings and curses, and she bestows them upon anyone she feels is deserving of it. She may bless the meek or curse the malicious, but her intention is always to teach a lesson.

Honesty – As a maenad, she was known as Loud Mouth. As her name suggests, Honesty has no patience for lies and deceit. With her third eye she can see the truth, whether that means exposing someone’s lies or seeing their true form behind a disguise. She has made it her life’s mission to expose corrupt priests, politicians, and other powerful leaders. However, her efforts are not appreciated by everyone. The rich and powerful have launched many slanderous campaigns against her and have even tried to have her assassinated, yet Honesty still prevails. She specializes in telepathy, able to read the thoughts and emotions of others.

Justice – As a maenad, she was known as Vicious. Justice was among Karenza’s closest friends, and even served as her finest knight for centuries. She has since been promoted to Soldier of Love, and she has been sent out into the world to hunt down the wicked. Justice has removed her own eyes to blind herself, forcing herself to perceive the world with only her third eye. She cannot see what a person looks like, and so she cannot judge them based on her own prejudices. With her third eye, she can only see the quality of their hearts, and if she senses irredeemable wickedness, she swiftly disposes of them with one of many hazard spells in her arsenal. Fire, frost, wind, and electricity—Justice masterfully wields all of these elements and more. She’s a sworn enemy of Mercy, another notable minervae.

Charity “Asha” – As a maenad, she was known as Asha, which translates to “Beautiful Music” in Galsungi. Asha sought Karenza’s blessing because she wanted to use her great power to help the sick. With her third eye, she can see a body’s aura and identify problem areas, where there may be hidden wounds or lurking illness. She once healed plague victims and wounded soldiers, but after so many centuries of this thankless work she became depressed and burned out. She decided to abandon her lofty dreams and instead live a quiet, simple life as a private physician for Uekoro’s royal family, who she is still serving today. She decided to abandon her minervae name “Charity” and go back to “Asha” at this time. Asha can heal almost any ailment with her talents in curative magic.

Curiosity “Curie” – As a maenad, she was known as Joy. Joy was the last maenad Karenza ever transformed, and so she remains the youngest minervae on Looming Gaia. Shortly after becoming a minervae, Curie saw something with her third eye that struck dread into her heart. To this day no one knows exactly what she saw, for she immediately drove an iron spike into her eyespot to stop the vision, causing herself massive brain trauma in the process. Curie survived the incident and is still alive today, though she refuses to remove the spike from her head and becomes violent when others try to remove it for her. She has since fled Karenza’s company and is occasionally seen wandering the world in a wretched state, twitching and muttering gibberish to herself. Karenza is deeply ashamed of this tragedy and has since refused to create any more minervae, fearing another may meet the same fate. Some theorize that Curie had seen her own death or perhaps the end of the world, but no one really knows for sure.

Mercy – As a maenad, she was known as Cadence. Mercy has served Karenza for a very long time, but at some point the two had a falling out and Mercy left her company to serve Looming Gaia her own way. Unlike Karenza who believes the wicked are best destroyed, Mercy believes no one is beyond redemption and refuses to kill or harm anyone, no matter how evil they may be. With her third eye, she can see the good in even the most despicable of people. She takes a pacifist approach and tries to conquer hate with love and understanding rather than violence. While she does not succeed 100% of the time, she has still disbanded many hate groups, turned terrorists towards peace, and has even stopped wars with her gift of diplomacy. She constantly butts heads with Justice, another notable minervae.

Questions?

Masterpost

#looming gaia

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kaminobiwan · 5 years ago

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embrace

pairing: obi-wan kenobi x ambassador!reader

summary: After a hard day of politicking, you find solace in the presence of your temporary bodyguard.

a/n: Whipped this one up real quick on the road! It’s short and sweet, and I really didn’t have to go that deep into the plot, but I actually quite liked doing the research :-) this was also a request from @aty-cgca7 for some stress-relief and Obi-Wan a couple milestones ago...I hope you like it, Chasity! Here’s my taglist!

“Karking — animals!”

Obi-Wan regards you with a mixture of trepidation and reverence, fisting his hands at his sides as you storm into your flat. You’ve been ranting about the usual CSA lawyers that had put a crimp in your day, constantly undermining your work to forge a stronger — and less corrupt — relationship with the Republic.

He’s only known you for a couple weeks, but you’re fiery, determined in every sense of the word. Most Galactic senators would cower in intimidation from your capable aura, but lucky for them, Cantonica — just like the rest of the star systems under the fiefdom of the Corporate Sector Authority — was an independent system, and your involvement as an ambassador only saw time in the Senate chamber for lobbyist proceedings. Unlucky for them, however, you’d just been appointed to the Galactic Corporate Policy League, and your position with the public interest group meant you’d be staying on Coruscant for an indefinite amount of time.

And luckiest of all, Obi-Wan had been assigned to your security detail, following a second attempt on your life after the first failed assassination that had introduced the two of you in the first place. Undoubtedly thanks to your recent and untarnished surge to prominence.

Many politicians hadn’t batted an eye at your steady career growth, dismissing you as another pretty face that had risen to power thanks to family connections — and though you did have the legacy of your mother’s father on your side, Obi-Wan knew that it was all you at the root of it. Your hardworking spirit had shown itself quite early when he’d witnessed you earn a spot on the policy group, seemingly playing along with the interests of the cabal, then revealing yourself to be opposed to the exploitative initiatives the CSA had hoped to pass under the willful ignorance of dirty representatives. Obi-Wan had nearly laughed aloud at the reactions of the lobbyists when you’d blocked the unanimous vote needed for a rollback of government restrictions on mining and child labour. More than that, he’d been impressed — you’d shown extreme patience and resilience in keeping your cards to your chest.

And patience, if anything, was Obi-Wan’s most well-known trait. Right after negotiation and dashing good looks.

Today, though, that patience of yours seemed to have worn thin at the hands of the plutocratic attorney generals that had managed to get a large and hardly-legal mining project on your homeworld approved, despite the objections from you and several others. Once the decision was finalized, you’d gathered your things, not bothering to keep the scowl off your face, and headed straight home, leaving Obi-Wan little choice but to follow you inside until the Coruscant Guard that was scheduled to stand post outside your door arrived.

“The second I bring up evidence of treaty violations or unlawful encroachment into other territories, they threaten to cut off our trade routes! I mean, the nerve of them, to toy with the fate of an entire planet like that!”

Obi-Wan’s brows knit together in confusion. “Surely that’s not within their power. Doesn’t Cantonica have agency over its political affiliation?” It’s normal for him to chime in on your thinking-out-loud, your knowledge on the Outer Rim surpassing his own, though on more than one occasion he’s assisted you in cracking a difficult case — but he’s trying to be careful not to press any more buttons than have already been pushed today.

A wry scoff escapes you, grim resignation overtaking your expression. “The entire Corporate Sector is governed by corporations, not the people. Our autonomy is really just for show.” You march to the kitchenette, predictably looking for the same tea you always brew after a challenging session, he’d come to notice. “Even if there were enough citizens that wanted to secede, which there isn’t, the Authority has too much power over our economy. As much as I hate to admit it, without the casinos and racetracks, Cantonica would be bankrupt.” As you nudge more leaves than usual into the steeper, Obi-Wan catches a glimpse of the nearly-empty pouch. Maybe he’d be able to make a stop at the market on his way home.

His thoughts are interrupted by the sudden shattering of your teacup on the floor, a sharp curse leaving your lips.

Your hands are shaking.

In a flash, Obi-Wan jumps to action, ushering you away from the mess of shards and herbs. “Here, let me.”

You let him guide you to take a seat and sit back as he easily guides the scattered fragments into the wastebin by way of the Force, almost no trace of the accident on the durasteel. He turns to you with a pleased smile, but it drops when he notices you.

Your head is buried in your hands, and although he doesn’t think you’re crying behind your fingers, the stress is evident in your weary frame.

He calls your name in question, approaching hesitantly. “Are you alright?”

You drop your arms to show your features, but they’re creased in frustration as you rub your temples. “I’m fine. It’s just a headache.”

Obi-Wan drags a chair to sit beside you, craning down to meet you at eye level. “You know, it’s perfectly normal to need a break every now and then. You’ve had a long day.” You give a little shake of your head in response. “Trust me, no one is immune to their own humanity. I’m sure I’d have figured it out by now.”

His characteristic banter earns a small quirk of your lips, and he grins as you meet his gaze with a snort. “I don’t know how you do it.” You gesture to him vaguely. “I‘ve no doubt I’d crumble under the pressure of your responsibility.”

“I could say the same about myself in your shoes,” he counters, just as serious. “If I’m being honest, these assignments with you are a bit of a respite in the midst of an intergalactic war.” It’s true, the way he no longer feels antsy at being handed protection duty. It doesn’t feel like being sidelined anymore, not when your presence is as as exhilarating and rousing as battle can be. Though, you’re definitely much more inviting.

The look you give him is agreeable, but still earnest in intent. “Then you’ll be happy to know that I enjoy your company just as much.”

In a second, however, the weariness returns, and your contented demeanor from the exchange evaporates before Obi-Wan’s eyes.

Before he can stop himself, he lays a hand on your shoulder, squeezing in reassurance and hoping it conveys everything he wishes he could say. You lay your own hand on top of his, thumb caressing his knuckles absently. It’s as if you’re a droid, robotic and barely mentally present. Obi-Wan frowns.

Attachments may be forbidden for his kind, but the Jedi Code encourages compassion. Demands it, in fact.

That, at least, is something he can allow himself towards you.

His hand snakes carefully behind your head, leading you to his chest slowly enough that you’d be able to escape him if you wanted to. But you don’t, and his arms encircle you fully as he accepts your body as it moulds into his comforting embrace. Another pair of arms tighten around him, and he feels you release a strong exhale in appreciation, limbs loosening. Your face is nestled against his armor, but Obi-Wan can feel your forehead touching the exposed skin of his neck. He forces himself to swallow down the lump in his throat.

After an eternity that passes in seconds, you extract yourself from his hold with a last smoothing of fingers over the hairs at the nape of his neck, and Obi-Wan holds strong against the urge to lean into your touch. Still, he feels pleasantly warm, and his stomach has a peculiar fuzzy sensation.

“Thank you, General Kenobi.” In an instant, you’re back, perfect and poised like how he knows you to be. Not without the remnants of the day weighing on you, but now there’s a gentler light in your eyes when he searches them. “You’ve helped me more than you can imagine.”

He nods, plastering a composed look on his face. But really, his inside are turning with the imprint of your body upon his. “Anytime, Ambassador.”

A beat passes, and after a moment of barely disguised contemplation, you reach up, cupping his cheek in one hand as you lean up to place a chaste kiss on the other. Obi-Wan freezes in his place, staring after you as you smile at him gratefully before getting up and disappearing into your bedroom.

He doesn’t realize you’ve left a lip print until he’s back in his quarters at the Temple. No wonder why Mace had smirked at him curiously in the hall.

#rini writes #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi imagine #woohoo!!! another request done hehehe #this one is from so long ago i'm so sorry lmao #working through my inbox #also cannonball sequel is coming but probably won't be this week AH SORRY #there's a lot I wanna get done first #but it's coming hehe I haven't abandoned jedi!reader

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purplebass · 5 years ago

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Alastair Carstairs and Charles Fairchild: Uneven Love

In this essay I will try to be as brief as I can about what it meant to be part of the LGBTQ+ community at the beginning of the XX century and a few points on why Charles and Alastair were an uneven/unbalanced couple. Have a nice read!

Being gay in Victorian/Edwardian London

Legality of Charlastair’s relationship

Uneven relationship

Before I start delving into this topic, I just wanted to tell you a few things about what it meant being part of the LGBTQ+ community at the beginning of the XX century. I will briefly tell you about Great Britain specifically because the story is set in London, but you have to understand each country has its movements of emancipation and its laws, so there are a few things which may differ. I will also just mention about homosexual relationships at this time.

Being a gay man in London at the beginning of XX century wasn’t easy, because if two men were caught together in compromising positions, they could be arrested and detained and accused of buggery or attempted buggery. There was a law passed in 1885 which condemned public indecency between males, and such law won’t be abolished until the 60’s of the XX century. The only places gay men were allowed to be themselves were the Molly Houses. Those places were like modern taverns, pubs, coffeehouses where they could meet and engage in sexual activities with other gay men. Speaking of Charles and Alastair, I do wonder if they met in such a place, although since the former is so obsessed with keeping the appearances, maybe not. Or maybe he went in secret, but let’s not forget that in 1902 Alastair was 17.

Why is Charles so obsessed with his image?

For one, homosexuality was the opposite of the idea of “manliness” in Victorian/Edwardian age. During this period, what counted the most to British people was their image, how they appeared in public, and being gay was considered as a deviant act, an immortal act which was the evidence of a corrupt morality. A Victorian family had to be presentable, impeccable - the public sphere had to be pristine even if the private sphere was not. Charles Fairchild is a man of the public sphere because he’s sort of a politician’s figure who was born during the highest point Victorian mentality. It’s no wonder he is concerned with how others perceive him, and he sees his sexuality as a threat to his preferred career, which is all about “manliness”. Remember before Charlotte became Consul? Even there we saw the sexism of the Inquisitor and other members solely because Charlotte was not a man, hence, she couldn’t be “manly”. Charles would be regarded the same way, this is why he decided not to be openly gay. But mark my words, sooner or later he will because that is an inner conflict he has which is at war with his outer goal.

I’ve seen people say that one of the first reasons why Alastair and Charles’ relationship was not appropriate is because Alastair was 16 and Charles was 22. Of course I agree. I wanted to check whether it was legal or not in the XX century, and I discovered that after the Criminal Law Amendment Act passed in 1885, the age of consent was 16, which meant that as much as I find it repulsing, Alastair and Charles could have a relationship and they wouldn’t be breaking the law except for the not so little detail that they were homosexual. Like I said above, homosexuals could risk a prison sentence.

I want to tell you more about this topic but I don’t want to derail from the purpose of this essay.

First and foremost, from the interactions we had of them, you could tell Charles seemed to have promised things to Alastair, because when they speak in Chapter 11 of CoG, the latter is pained and all of his hopes are destroyed. “But you said - I thought” that is what Alastair says. That is the realization that he believed in Charles and what they shared in Paris. Charles says he doesn’t make “false promises”, which means that he may have already thought that their relationship could not be more than what it was - a secret affair. Secret because the act was illegal at the time, and affair because it’s clear Charles might have used Alastair’s affection to fuel his own ego.

I’m convinced that Charles may have an inferiority complex. His mother Charlotte is Consul, the first female Consul. I believe he admires her because despite being a woman, she could get this post because she is also very able with her job. Charlotte is someone Charles looks up to and wants to emulate, but as we see through CoG, Charles’ regent job is laughable. He slanders James, he seems to side with Tatiana whenever he is concerned without having evidence (you see, Tatiana may have manipulated Charles into doing what she wants). This is not what a promising Consul does, and Charles probably knows it.

Then why Alastair?

Why, you say? For one, Alastair also likes politics. I hope he likes politics because he wasn’t influenced by Charles, but I’m convinced that is what Charles and Alastair bonded on; politics. I could see Alastair also getting into politics, by the way, but this is a chat for another time.

Alastair, 17 year old Alastair, felt confident of baring his soul to Charles when they started getting acquainted. He was also very young, I think Charles was the first person that he recognized also loved men like he did. He lived in an age were homosexuality was punished, the majority of gay men tried to hide their sexuality not to be deemed immoral and deviant. I think Alastair was ecstatic that he had found someone he could like and who could like him back, and this is why he decided to be with Charles. We don’t know when this relationship started, but probably after 1899 and the Academy. Maybe Paris in 1902 was the first encounter they had because they couldn’t see each other all the time, maybe they had been together longer… I don’t know. I hate that we don’t know the exact timeline, but we may get it in the future.

I was saying. In Chapter 11 of CoG when Charles goes to Alastair’s house, he reveals that he loves him. “I have loved you since Paris,” Alastair says, which, like I said above, makes it impossible to define if they just had Paris and Alastair fell for him from that only moment of connection (because they might have had sexual interactions there, maybe Alastair lost his virginity to Charles - these are just my assumptions, I have no idea if I’m right).

The Paris affair also makes me think about: “We’ll always have Paris”, which is a famous line from Casablanca. What does it mean? The only thing the protagonists of that movie can hold onto is Paris, since WWII broke and they can only have the memory of what happened in Paris because they can’t be together/won’t be reunited. Rings a bell?

Before I also add how prophetic it was for Alastair to find Thomas in Paris at the same moment he was waiting to spend time with Charles - because it was indeed a coincidence, but also how tricky fate is. Alastair was probably already attracted to Thomas in Paris, but he was loyal to Charles, otherwise… but this is also a chat for another essay.

Then Alastair and Charles kiss. The way Charles treats Alastair is very controlling: he doesn’t just reply “You know I do” when A tells him he loves him, he leads the moment and draws Alastair towards him for a kiss. Then they end up on the sofa, Charles on top and Alastair under him - which isn’t very casual, is also a way for Charles to control everything, because he knows fine well Alastair loves him and he’s indulging into the moment because he doesn’t dislike A, but he also doesn’t love him. Alastair gives Charles the validation he isn’t getting in his political sphere. (See a few paragraphs above).

Sex is also a way to exert power. We don’t know Alastair’s and Charles’s private lives in detail, but from the ways this scene is written, I can tell Alastair is the type who bares himself for the one he loves. Now that his heart was broken I don’t know what to expect.

Then they stop. Alastair is in pain because he longed for Charles. Of all the things he could ask Charles, what does he ask?

“What is wrong, Charles?” he said, his voice husky and rough. “If this is not what you came for, then why are you here?”

I mean, what? Do you know the heaviness of this sentence? It means that most of Alastair and Charles’ interactions as a couple might have been lead by sex or by making out. Why do I think this? Because otherwise Alastair wouldn’t say that - he’s basically implying that most of the occurrences between them started because of something sexual…

“IF THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU CAME FOR…”

It makes me so mad. So mad. Because it is clear to me that after the Academy, Alastair was devastated and also regretful of his actions towards the other guys. He also had to take care of his family. He also points out how he managed his household when his father was “sick”, how Alastair has been a brother and a father and the head of the Carstairs family for longer than we can imagine. I understand why meeting Charles could have changed his life, but Alastair is a giver, he gives a lot to those he cares about, meanwhile Charles is a seeker, he also wants to feel loved but he can’t exchange the affection the same way.

We can consider Charles and Alastair’s relationship dead and gone, anyway. Not only because Alastair said he was done and understood that Charles just wanted to matter (his words, not mine) and that he only cares about his career. In the scene I mentioned above, we also know that the reason why Charles came to Alastair’s was to inform him that Barbara Lightwood had died. Metaphorically speaking, her death could also signify the death of Charlastair and the moment in which Thomastair’s door was truly open to explore.

Now to conclude my thoughts - which I hope weren’t too jumbled - I’ll just say that as much as he unnerves me, I do think Charles could have a nice arc if played well. But, my dears, without Alastair. This is for sure.

Footnote: If you want to know more this, especially concerning gender, you can read What is Gender History? By Sonya O. Rose which treats different topics.

#alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #thomas lightwood #the last hours #gender history #chain of gold #chain of iron #chain of thorns #charles and alastair #thomastair #alastair and thomas #tlh #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #tales from the shadowhunter academy #my edits

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thecuriouskit · 4 years ago

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Where and how do I fit in?

To whom it may concern.

As I get older, I’m starting to realise the limitations caused by my autism, and I’m struggling to accept that because of facing a society that does not like it when adults are not self-sufficient, or when they have to deal with a “man-child”. Economically, I am a net loss - I take more than I give financially, and that makes me selfish, both in the eyes of the person on the street as well as bankers and politicians. I struggle to keep my flat clean and make ends meet financially. “Get a job”, “earn a f***ing living” I hear a lot, and I have tried, but my ‘design’ is just terrible because I’m very introverted (and people try to force me into very social situations to be a 'healthy introvert’… in other words, an extravert) and don’t do well in open-plan office environments, which are really the only options today because it allows managers to keep an eye on everyone and, from a practical perspective, is easier when it comes to laying network cables and power conduits, for example. But I get very anxious whenever people are walking around behind me and there’s so much uncontained noise.

Truthfully, I’ve found in the UK, and maybe other countries, that many people really don’t like those who are more intelligent than them. They may say the opposite, but behind their backs (or sometimes in plain sight), they mock specialist interests. Once I was even threatened with outright violence by a so-called friend if I talked about mathematics in front of her, and my own mother agrees that i keep my mouth shut to preserve the status quo and not make people 'uncomfortable’. My father says those on the spectrum are the future, but are we really? To reach our full potential we need the right environment and support group, but who would want to be our caretakers? It’s not fair on them, and I would not want someone to sacrifice their life to look after me like they were a housewife, valet or a servant.

I’m ashamed to say that I generally don’t get on with others on the spectrum because we all have our different interests and quirks, but also our feelings and how we react to things, and what may be fine or beneficial for one person is sensual overload for another. I unfortunately have also experienced situations where the other party doesn’t realise and doesn’t understand that they might have hurt my feelings with something they’ve said or done, and either 'congratulate’ me for identifying past trauma as the reason (which I find incredibly patronising as well as the implication that it invalidates my feelings) or criticise me because, in their eyes, there’s no logical reason for me to feel that way. One person even, in a monotone voice, said “You’re having a panic attack; do you want a beta blocker?” (which was actually illegally obtained). I of course sceamed “no”, which only worsened the situation because now they felt attacked.

As painful as it is, what I once saw as a curse, then saw as a gift, I now see as a curse again. I cannot survive by myself in this modern world, but I’m not friendship nor relationship material because, put simply, I make people uncomfortable and I’m not healthy for them (those were the words one person used). Facebook and other social media tell people to cut out the negativity in their lives, and I fall into that definition. My interests, my quirks… they are abnormal. The whole thing of “be yourself” and “don’t worry about what others think” is a complete farce, because you do that, and you get sectioned, fired, ostracised or just plain ridiculed.

Part of me needs a regimented structure and a person who can be an emotional anchor for me, but even today, emotion is seen as weakness and attention-seeking, but I don’t need so much structure to the point that my very feelings are dictated and I can’t practise being creative (one person I know cannot build Lego without instructions… even when it comes to making their own things, they have to draw plans first and cannot do anything on the fly, which can cause a conflict if I want to experiment, for example).

In a way, I need to be treated like a child, or at least allowed to be a child, but I say that and that will just encourage condescending attitudes towards me and infantilisation like the in-your-face sing-song “hello” or a high-pitched voice that people do with babies all too frequently.

I don’t konw where I’m going with this. I’m just ranting and splurging, spilling out everything that’s on my mind. On Monday I was actually close to suicide because I was asked to drive to my father, who lives about 45 minutes away, and even though I gave myself 70 minutes, I was very late anyway (which meant I couldn’t see a representitive at an insurance company since I’m being ripped off by my current provider) bnecause of three separate traffic jams, one of which was caused by a horserace that crosses a main road (which is closed during that time). I just feel I’m unreliable and poor at planning and organiseation because whenever someone asks me to do something, I either forget something (if not the appointment itself) or fate works against me. My father has taken the view of “it is what it is”, but I cannot abide by that because while accepting there are some things in life you can’t control or predict, just accepting things as they are is what allows corruption to run rampant, whether it’s a manager or director denying the employees promised bonuses during a good company year while buying themselves a new Porsche with the profits, to insurance companies happily charging you three times what you should be paying because they know most people won’t shop around for other quotes or want to go through the hassle of changing (and I easily freak out on the telephone because it’s just a dismembered voice to me) to simply lying and manipulating people for their own benefit. It’s worse with me because I can’t see deceit unless it’s a claim that’s easily disproven. I briefly wanted to end it all because I am a net loss to the economy, I’m friendless and I can’t be relied on. If I die, I’ll be forgotten in a few years as the world goes on like I never existed. It begs the question… what’s the point? I’m not allowed to just live because of monetary concerns and 'considering other people’. Right now, I just survive.

I’m not sure what I need and what I should change about myself. All I know is that trying to fight against my true self just ends up destroying me. I may want to be neurotypical and more extraverted, but I can’t just become those, and “not wanting it enough” doesn’t work in this case because you’re constantly fighting yourself, draining yourself of energy and spoons, and sooner or later, you’ll melt down, and then the police get called and you’re taken to hospital, while neighbours or whoever witnesses the meltdown will ensure you can’t bother them again by collaborating to get you evicted, dismissed from work because you’re creating a 'hostile work environment’ or 'threatening violence’ (I was sacked for that once when I tried to warn people not to manhandle me during a particularly triggering confrontation because then I don’t know what I’ll do… and this was from a company that was meant to specialise in autism).

Where’s the line drawn? When should those on the spectrum learn to adapt to and tolerate, and when should society change for them? When should I be expected to meet the standards and when should the standards change? I don’t have the answer, and through a mixture of my own actions and those of others, I am very much alone where I live… no true friends, no emotional anchor, no personal interaction, nothing (even if I’m in a city around many people, I still feel alone). I’m scared of joining clubs because of past experience with meltdowns and expecting to meet up at set times when my own sleep cycle is chaotic, or I may just not have the energy to go but I’m expected to. Also, one club became psychologically abusive for me, but once again, past trauma that invalidates how I feel.

Speaking of how I feel, I do wish I was more like Mr. Spock where everything is pure logic and I don’t feel anything, but then again, Vulcans and half-Vulcans DO feel, and I just don’t have the strength to suppress my emotions=. Where does that leave me? A group home with no freedom or autonomy? Evidently I can’t hold down a job, and I’ve been out of work forso long that I’ve had employment agents pretty much tell me to stop wasting their time, becaase no company is going to risk paying a finder’s fee for me no matter how good my skills are (albeit very niche nowadays).

The thing is, when somoene enters my house to offer help cleaning it or go through my financial statements to identify unnecessary expenditures, or just go through my stuff in general, I feel violated and incredibly anxious, but I feel I have no right to protest or resist. Besides, as my mother keeps saying… if you’re doing nothing wrong, what have you got to hide? The fear of being judged (and the consequences of that) or the right to privacy don’t seem to be valid answers.

What do I need? I don’t know… sometimes I just want a mother figure, but my actual mother is not an option. What do I want? I want to be useful. I want to belong. I want to be myself. I want to be… free.

#a kit's life #autism #rant

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theculturedmarxist · 4 years ago

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Yves here. Reader IM Doc, an internal medicine practitioner of 30 years, trained and worked in one of the top teaching hospitals in the US for most of his career before moving to a rural hospital in an affluent pocket of Flyover. He has been giving commentary from the front lines of the pandemic. Along with current and former colleagues, he is troubled by the PR-flier-level information presented to the public about the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines, at least prior to the release of an article in the New England Journal of Medicine on the Pfizer vaccine: Safety and Efficacy of the BNT162b2 mRNA Covid-19 Vaccine. However, he did not find the study to be reassuring. He has taken the trouble of writing up his reservations after discussing the article with his group of nine physicians that meets regularly to sanity check concerns and discuss the impact that articles will have on their practices.

By IM Doc, a internal medicine doctor working in a rural hospital in the heartlands

Right off the bat – I am as weary and concerned about this pandemic as anyone. What my little rural area has been through in the past three weeks or so has been nothing short of harrowing. This virus has the ability to render patients about as sick as I have ever seen in my life, while leaving more than half the population with minimal if any symptoms. The patients who are sick are often very sick. And instead of slow and steady improvement like we normally experience, most of these patients are assigned to a long and hard slog. Multiple complications arise. This leads to very diminished throughput in the hospital. The patients literally stack up and we have nowhere to put the new ones coming in who themselves will be there for days or weeks. On top of that are the constant donning and doffing of PPE and intense emotional experiences for the staff, who are themselves becoming patients or in this small town have grandma or Aunt Gertrude as a patient.

To put it bluntly, I want this pandemic over. And now. But I do not want an equal or even worse problem added onto the tragedy. And that is my greatest fear right now. And medical history has demonstrated conclusively over and over again: brash, poorly-thought-out, emotion-laden decisions regarding interventions in a time of crisis can exponentially increase the scale of pain and lead to even worse disasters.

I am not an anti-vaxxer. I have given tens of thousands of safe and tested vaccines over my lifetime. I am very familiar with side effects and safety problems associated with all of them. That is why I can administer them with confidence. I am also an optimist, so all of the cautions I discuss below are the result of experience and the information made public about the Pfizer vaccine, not a temperamental predisposition to see the glass as half empty.

I know this piece is long, but I wanted to completely dissect the landmark New England Journal of Medicine (from now on NEJM) publication of the first Pfizer vaccine paper. I am replicating the method of my mentor in Internal Medicine, a tall figure in 20th Century medicine. He was an internationally recognized authority and his name is on one of the foundational textbooks in his specialty. He was a master and he taught me very well, including the fundamentals of scientific inquiry and philosophy, telltale signs of sloppy or dishonest work, the order in which you should dissect someone’s work, and the statistics involved.

When I have a new medical student doing rotations with me, I give them a collection of reading. At the very top is Drug Companies & Doctors: A Story of Corruption from the New York Review of Books in 2009 by Marcia Angell, MD. She was the editor-in-chief of the NEJM, the very journal that published this Pfizer vaccine paper.

Dr. Angell’s article is the Cliffs Notes version of much longer discussions she had about corruption, corporatism, managerialism, profiteering, greed, and deception in in the medical profession. Patient care and patient concerns and indeed patient lives in her mind have been absolutely overcome by all of these other things. It is a landmark paper, and should be read by anyone who is going to interact with the medical community, because alas, this is the way it is now. I view this paper the exact same way I view Eisenhower’s speech about the military industrial complex. What she said is exactly true, and has only become orders of magnitude worse since 2009.

And now the paper.

Unfortunately, this study from Pfizer in the latest NEJM, and indeed this whole vaccine rollout, are case studies in the pathology Agnell described. There are more red flags in this paper and related events than present on any May Day in downtown Beijing. Yet all anyone hears from our media, our medical elites, and our politicians are loud hosannas and complete unquestioning acceptance of this new technique. And lately, ridicule and spite for anyone who dares to raise questions.

I have learned over thirty years as a primary care provider that Big Pharma deserves nothing from me but complete and total skepticism and the assumption that anything they put forth is pure deception until proven otherwise. Why so harsh? Well, to put it bluntly, Big Pharma has covered my psyche with 30 years of scars:

• As a very young doctor, I treated an extraordinary middle-aged woman who had contracted polio as a toddler from a poorly tested polio vaccine rolled out in an “emergency.” Tens of thousands of American kids shared her fate1 • The eight patients I took care of until they died from congestive heart failure that had been induced by a diabetes drug called Actos. The drug company knew full well heart failure was a risk during their trials. When it became obvious after the rollout, they did everything they could to obfuscate. Actos now carries a black box warning about increased risk of heart failure • The three women who I took care of who had been made widows as their husbands died of completely unexpected heart attacks while on Vioxx. I have no proof the Vioxx did this. But when Vioxx was finally removed from the market, the mortality rate in the US fell that year by a measurable amount, inconsistent with recent trends and forecasts. Merck knew from their trials that Vioxx had a significant risk of cardiovascular events and stroke, and did absolutely nothing to relay that danger in any way. Worse, they did everything they could to muddle information and evade responsibility once the truth started to come out • The dozens upon dozens of twenty and thirty-something patients who have been rendered emotional and spiritual zombies by the SSRIs, antipsychotics and amphetamines they have been taking since childhood. Their brain never learned what emotions were, much less how to process them and we are left with empty husks where people never developed. The SSRIs and antipsychotics were NEVER approved for anyone under 18. EVER. While there are some validated uses for stimulants in children, they are obviously overprescribed, as confirmed by long-standing media reports of their routine use as a study/performance aid. It is all about the lucre. • The hundreds and hundreds of 40-60 year olds who have been hollowed out from the legal prescribing of opioids. All the while the docs were resisting this assault, the drug companies and the paid-off academics and medical elites were changing the rules to make physicians who did not treat any pain at all with opiates into evil Satan-worshippers. And they paid for media appearances to drive across the point: OPIATES ARE GOOD. WE HAVE MADE THEM SO YOU CANNOT GET ADDICTED. And here we are now with entire states taking more opioids than in the waning days of the Chinese Empire, and we all know how that story ended. All this misery so a family of billionaires can laugh its way to the bank.

I carry all these people and more with me daily. I would not be doing a service to their memory if I allowed myself to be duped into writing another blind prescription that was going to add yet another scar.

I will dissect the important parts of this paper exactly as my mentor described above taught me. He performed years of seminal research. He was a nationally-known expert in his field.

In medicine, especially in top-tier journals like NEJM, landmark papers are always accompanied by an editorial. These editorials are written by a national expert who almost always has “peer-reviewed” the source material as well. This is how the reader knows that an expert in the field has looked over the source material and that it supports the conclusions in the paper. My mentor did this all the time. The binders all over his office were the actual underlying data that he scrutinized to confirm the findings. There is no way on earth to print and publish the voluminous source material. Editorial review was one sure way all to assure that someone independent, with appropriate experience, confirmed the findings. This was onerous work, but he and thousands of others did it because this is the very essence of science. He was scrupulous in his editorials about findings, problems, and conclusions. It was after all his reputation as well.

My first lesson from him: READ THE EDITORIAL FIRST. It gets the problems in your head before you read the statistics and methods, etc. in the actual paper. It gives you the context of the study in history. It often includes a vigorous discussion of why the study is important.

Admittedly, over the past generation, as the corporatism and dollar-counting has taken over my profession and its ethics, this function of editorial authoring has become at times increasingly bizarre and too-obviously predisposed to conclude with glad tidings of joy, especially if pharmaceuticals are involved.

So I read the editorial first. You can find it on the NEJM webpage, in the top right corner.

And, amazingly, it is basically a recitation of the same whiz-bang Pfizer puffery that we have all been reading for the past few weeks. There really is not much new. Furthermore, it is filled with words like “triumph” and “dramatic success”. Those accolades have yet to be earned. This vaccine has not yet even been released. Surely, “triumph” is a bit premature. Those words would NEVER have been used by my mentor or similar researchers in his generation. They would have been focused on the good, the bad and the ugly. A generation ago, editorial reviewers saw their job as informing the reader and making certain the clinicians that were reading knew of any limitations or problems.

In quite frankly unprecedented fashion, two different events that were carefully reported occurred almost simultaneously with the release of both the paper and the editorial. Both of these events contradict and contravene data and conclusions reported in both the paper and the editorial and I believe they deserve immediate attention. They both belie the assertions of the editorial writers that [emphasis mine] “the (safety) pattern appears to be similar to that of other viral vaccines and does not arouse specific concern”.

First, a critical issue for any clinician is “exclusion criteria”. This refers in general to groups of subjects that were not allowed into the trial prima facie. Common examples would include over 70, patients on chemotherapy and other immunosuppressed patients, children, diabetics, etc.. This issue is important because I do not want to give my patient this vaccine (available apparently next week) to any patient that is in an excluded group. Those patients really ought to wait until more information is available – FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY. And not to mention, exclusion criteria exist because the subjects in them are usually considered more vulnerable to mayhem than average subjects. From my reading of this paper, and the accompanying editorial, one would assume there were no exclusion criteria. They certainly are never mentioned.

I reiterate, the paper is silent on this question of exclusion criteria, as is the editorial. Had my mentor seen something like “exclusion criteria” in the source material, and realized that it was not in the final paper, he would have absolutely included a notice in his editorial. This would have been after calling the principal investigator and directly questioning why there was no mention in the original paper. Patient safety should be foremost on everyone’s mind at all times in clinical research and its presentation to practitioners.

And now we know there were exclusion criteria, not because of anything Pfizer, the investigators, or the NEJM did but because of stunning news out of the UK. UPDATE: I will address this at greater length, but an alert reader did find the study protocol, which were not referenced in any way that any of the nine members in my review group could find, nor were they mentioned in the text of paper or editorial, as one would expect for a medication intended for the public at large. I apologize for the oversight, but this information was not easy to find from the article, not mentioned or linked to from the text of the article, the text of the editorial, in the “Figures/Media,” or in a supplemental document.

In the UK on day 1 of the rollout, two nurses with severe allergies experienced anaphylaxis, a life-threatening reaction to this vaccine. Only after world-wide coverage did Pfizer admit that there was an exclusion criterion for severe allergies in their study.

Ummm, Pfizer, since we are now getting ready to give this to possibly millions of people in the next few weeks – ARE THERE ANY OTHER EXCLUSION CRITERIA? Should I, as a physician, specifically not be giving this to patients with conditions that you have excluded?

Furthermore, NEJM, since you published this trial, have you bothered to at least put a correction on this trial on your website that it should NOT be given to people with severe allergies? I certainly see nothing like this.

Should someone from the NEJM or the FDA be all over Pfizer to ascertain the existence of other exclusion groups so we do not accidentally harm or kill someone over the next two weeks?

Unfortunately, Americans, you have your answer from the FDA about severe allergic reactions right from a press conference in which Dr. Peter Marks, the director of FDA’s Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research is quoted as saying:

Even people who’ve had a severe allergic reaction to food or to something in the environment in the past should be OK to get the shot….1.6% of the population has had a severe allergic reaction to a food or something in the environment. We would really not like to have that many people not be able to receive the vaccine.

Are you serious? Dr. Marks, have you ever seen an anaphylactic reaction? I live in a very rural area. Many patients live 30 minutes or more from the hospital. What if one of them had an anaphylactic reaction to this vaccine hours after administration, had no epi-pen and had to travel a half hour to get to the nearest hospital? There is a very high likelihood that a good outcome would not occur. Sometimes, as a physician, I simply cannot believe what I am hearing out of the mouths of our so-called medical leaders.

To the writers of the editorial accompanying this research:

Did you actually look at the source material? The existence of at least one exclusion criterion for severe allergic reactions had to be in there somewhere. If you did look at the source material, are there others that the physicians of America need to know about? If they were not in the source material, after the events in the UK, has anyone bothered to follow up with Pfizer about this omission?

Does anyone at NEJM or Pfizer or FDA plan to fully inform the physicians of America? Does ANYONE at NEJM or Pfizer or FDA care about patient safety?

Now for the second story that got my attention this week, an article from JAMA Internal Medicine, a subsidiary of JAMA, The Journal of the American Medical Association.

JAMA, like NEJM, is one of America’s landmark medical journals. I will assure you that JAMA is not the National Enquirer. This piece was written by a nursing researcher. It is very likely she is well-versed in all aspects of American medical research.

In her story, she details her recruitment and her experience in the Pfizer COVID trial, the same one we are dissecting here. She describes in detail her experience with the vaccine and the fact that she is concerned that many patients are likely going to feel very sick after the injection. She wrote up her own reactions, and included a very troubling one. About 15 hours after her second injection, she developed a fever of 104.9. She explained that she called her reaction to the Research Nurse promptly the next morning. The recounted the response of the Research Nurse to her information as “A lot of people have reactions after the second injection. Keep monitoring your symptoms and call us if anything changes.”

Thankfully, it appears this nurse has completely recovered. From the best I can tell, this encounter occurred in late August and early September, putting it well within the trial’s recruitment of arms as detailed in the paper.

This JAMA article impinges directly on Figure 2 on page 7 of the paper, a graphic that that lays out all the major side effects during in the trial.

It is very important to note that based on the trial’s own data, conveniently laid out on the very top of the figure in green, blue, orange and red, a temperature of 104.9F or 40.5 C is described as a Grade 4 event. The definition of a Grade 4 event is anything that is life-threatening or disabling. A fever of 104.9 can have grave consequences for any adult and is absolutely a Grade 4 event.

By law, a grade 4 event must immediately be reported to the FDA, and to the Institutional Review Board (the entity charged with overseeing the safety of the subjects) and to the original investigators. THERE IS NO EXCEPTION. One would think that would also be reported in the research paper to at least alert clinicians to be on the lookout.

I could not find any mention of this event in the text of the paper. NOT ONE. Let’s take a closer look at Figure 2 on page 7 where adverse events are reported in a table form. Please note: this is a very busy image, and in the browser version, with very low resolution graphics that are profoundly difficult to read (they are a bit clearer if you download the PDF). This is a time-tested pharmaceutical company tactic to obscure findings that they do not want you to see. My mentor warned me about ruses like these years ago, and finding one raises the possibility that deception is in play.

The area for the reporting of this Grade 4 reaction would be on the 2nd row down at the left of the set called B, titled systemic events and use of medication. The area of concern would be where the graph is marked with the number 16. Do you see a red line there? It would be at the very top. I have blown this up 4 times on my computer and see no red there. I am left to assume that this Grade 4 “Life Threatening or Disabling” event that was clearly within the time parameters of this trial was not reported in this study.

To those who say that I am making way too much out of one patient with a severe fever, let’s do a little math. There are 37,706 participants in the “Main Safety Population” (from Table 1), of which 18.860 received the vaccine.2 Let us assume that this individual was the only one that had a GRADE 4 reaction. Let us also assume that the end goal is to vaccinate every American a total of 330,000,000 people. So if we extrapolate this 1 out of 18,860 into all 330,000,000 of us, it suggest that roughly 17,500 could have this kind of fever. Now assume a 70% vaccination rate, and you get that would be approximately 12,250. I hope you now understand that in clinical medicine related to trials like this – a whole lot of nothing can turn into a whole lot of something quickly when you extrapolate to the entire targeted group. Does anyone not think that the clinicians of America should be prepared for anything like this that may be coming?

A couple more questions for NEJM and the editorial writers:

Were you ever made aware that this Grade 4 reaction occurred? Now that we have a reliable report that it occurred, has there been any attempt to investigate?

Did the Research Nurse actually report this event? If not, was she just simply not trained or was there deliberate efforts to conceal such reactions? How many more reactions were reported anywhere this trial was conducted and that did not make it to the FDA, the IRB or possibly the investigators? Is that not a cause for concern?

As if this is not enough, there is so much more wrong with this editorial. Now we are going to talk about corruption.

I want to reiterate my concern that over the past generation, as my profession has lost its way, its medical journals have turned into cheering sections for Big Pharma rather than referees and safety monitors. We all should relish the great things medical science is doing, but we should be doing EVERYTHING we can to minimize injury and death. Too often our journals have become enablers of Big Pharma deceiving our physicians and the public. Unfortunately, this paper and its editorial look troublingly like a case study of this development.

To provide context, I looked over the last month of the NEJM, the issues from November 12, 19 and 26th and December 3rd. Based on having read the NEJM over the years, I believe these four weeks are representative.

During this period, there were 15 original articles published in the fields of Oncology, General Surgery, Infectious Disease, Endocrinology, Renal, Cardiology, Pulmonary and Ear Nose & Throat. Of these 15 articles, the editors thought that eight were important enough to have an editorial from an acknowledged expert. I have read every one of these studies and the editorials as I do every week. All eight in the past month were indeed by leading experts in the field of the underlying studies. They included a COVID vaccine overview reviewed by an leading figure in vaccinology, and two COVID papers about Plaquenil and other approaches discussed by top infectious disease experts.

It was unlikely that those papers were going to get national media attention. All medical stuff.

But here we have our Pfizer vaccine paper. We have 300,000 fatalities in the USA alone and millions of cases. We have whacked our economy, we are in the depths of a national emergency. And we have a paper, the first, that may offer a glimpse of hope. Certainly this would be a landmark paper, and certainly it was treated in that manner? Right?

One would think that the doctors of America would have this study explained to them by a world-known vaccinologist? NOPE…..Maybe a virologist? NOPE….. Maybe a leading government official? Dr. Fauci? Dr. Birx? Dr. Osterholm? NOPE…..Maybe an expert in coronaviruses? NOPE…

We get the Pfizer ad glossy editorial treatment from Eric Rubin MD, the editor-in-chief of the NEJM. And Dr, Longo, an associate editor. Dr. Longo is an oncologist. Dr. Rubin is at least a recognized infectious disease doctor, but his specialty based on my Google search is mycobacterium, not virology. Again, one would normally anticipate for a paper of this importance, the editorial would be from someone with directly on point expertise.

Why would this fact been important to my mentor? (and I had the privilege of hearing him trash a paper in an open forum about a very similar issue, a paper introducing a drug to the world that later was the disaster of the decade, Vioxx) Why is this important to me and all the other physicians in my review group here in flyover country yesterday?

Because the choice of authorship of the editorial leads you to one of only several conclusions:

• Pfizer would not release the source data because of proprietary corporate concerns and no self-respecting expert would review without it • Pfizer knew there are problems and did not want anyone with expertise to find out and publicize them • The editors could not find a real expert willing to put their name on a discussion • Drs. Rubin and Longo are on some kind of journey to Vanity Fair and wanted their names on an “article for the ages” • This is a rush job, and no one had time to do anything properly, and so we just threw it all together in a flash

Readers, pick your poison. If anyone can think of a sound reason, please let me know. I am all ears.

But let’s open up the can of worms a bit more. Pfizer supports NEJM. Just a brief swipe through of recent editions yielded several Pfizer ads. A Pfizer ad appeared on my NEJM website this AM. I do not know how much they pay in advertising but appears to be quite a bit.

Americans, have we devolved so far in our grift that it is now appropriate for the EDITOR-IN-CHIEF of our landmark medical journal to be personally authoring “rah rah” editorials about a product of a client that supports his journal with ad dollars? And he has the gall to not present this conflict on his disclosure form? Really? Am I the only one worried about this type of thing?

Now we travel from the can of worms to the sewer. And this impacts every single one of us. I want you to Google the names of the people on the FDA committee that voted 17-4-1 two days ago to proceed with the Emergency Use Declaration. Go ahead – Google it. On that list, you will find the name Eric Rubin, MD. Why yes indeed, that is the very same Eric Rubin MD who wrote this editorial. Who is the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM. A publication that certainly takes ad dollars from Pfizer. And he was one of the 17 to vote for the Pfizer product to be immediately used in an emergency fashion. Oh yes, oh yes he was.

Am I the only one who can recognize that Pfizer and other pharma companies may have some influence on Dr. Rubin thanks continued support of his employer, the NEJM? Am I the only one concerned that Dr. Rubin’s “rah rah” editorial may have been influenced by Pfizer? Is anyone else troubled that the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM, supported by Big Pharma advertising dollars, is sitting on an FDA board to decide the fate of any pharmaceutical product? Is this not the very definition of corruption? Or at least a severe conflict of interest? I strongly suspect that a thorough evaluation of members of that committee will reveal other problems. As my grandmother always used to say, “There is never just one roach under a refrigerator.”

I looked in vain all day today for media discussions of conflicts of interest with Dr. Rubin or anyone else in a position of authority. I found nothing.

What I did find was the Boston NPR affiliate WBUR discussing Dr. Rubin’s Yes vote. You can listen yourself:

This interview left me much more concerned about Dr. Rubin’s role and what exactly he read in the raw data from Pfizer. In this interview, he admits that he as an FDA advisory member has seen no data from the Moderna trial coming up for a vote this week:

These two vaccines are fairly similar to one another, so I am hoping the data will look good, but we haven’t seen the data yet, so I reserve judgement.

Excuse me, but should not the members already have the data and be mulling over it to ask intelligent questions?

These statements left me more worried about the issues I have already brought up with the Pfizer vaccine:

We don’t know if there are particular groups that should or should not get the vaccine…We do not know what will happen to safety over the longer term.

When finally asked specifically about the UK allergic reactions and if they came up in the FDA meeting (emphasis mine):

It did come up and this was a bit of a surprise because in the trial, that trial was limited to specific kinds of participants, there were apparently no incidents like that, nevertheless this suggests it is something we are going to have to look out for.

There is absolutely not a word in the published data to suggest there was a limit to SPECIFIC PARTICIPANTS – what on earth is he talking about? Are there limited specific kinds of patients that we as physicians should be looking to vaccinate?

In a fine finish, toward the end of the interview Dr. Rubin states he is a bit relieved that low risk patients will be getting the vaccine later after we know more about the side effects with the first patients. I am really not trying to be a jerk – but are you kidding me? I thought this vaccine was a triumph with minimal side effects.

Dr. Rubin, kind sir, I really feel that you owe a clarification about your statements in the WBUR interview to the patients and caregivers of America. We are the ones with lives on the line.

First, I have the privilege of sitting on an Institutional Review Board (an independent entity that protects patient safety) and I know something about Grade 4 side effects. Just for 1 Grade 4 side effect in one subject, the accompanying documentation would often be a half a ream of paper. Because I agreed to do that job, it was my obligation to look through that documentation. That half a ream was for one side effect in one trial. Yet, you state unequivocally in this interview, that you, as a sitting member of the FDA committee that oversees the safety of the nation in this affair, have not seen any of the Moderna documentation for that upcoming meeting this week.

For readers to fully understand what I am saying, this Moderna documentation is going to be reams and reams of documents that need to be evaluated carefully to ask the right questions. And you have not yet studied this? For a meeting in just a few days? I find this deeply troubling. Your statements create the appearance the committee you are sitting on is nothing more than a rubber stamp for a decision that has already been made. This would be an absolute tragedy.

Second, Dr. Rubin, you in your position as the Editor-in-Chief of the NEJM and the editorial writer for this research, may be one of the few people on earth that have seen the original Pfizer research. Despite calling this a triumph, you state in the interview that you are relieved that younger people less likely to get the vaccine early so you will have time to wait to see if complications develop in the first patients. You have stated, despite your assertion in the editorial that the side effects were consistent with other vaccines, that “we don’t know if there are particular groups that should or should not get the vaccine”. Have you seen something in that “triumph” research that is concerning enough to you to make such statements? As a physician, I would really like a clarification on this statement, given that the shots are already rolling out today.

Now that we are past the editorial, a few words about the nuts and bolts of the paper.

I look for very specific red flags – usually making the data difficult to interpret. This study did not disappoint.

On page 5, in Table 1, the Demographic Description of the participants, go down to the AGE GROUP area. Note it is divided into only two cohorts 16-55 and >55. This is a real problem. My mentor said an honest paper should never deploy such a tactic.

You see, more than half of my patients are over 70. Why is this kind of obfuscation a real problem for my ability to trust the vaccine? Well, the intro papers to many pharmaceuticals that have gone down the drain in recent years have used this very same device. It is their way of hiding the fact that they did not put many older patients in the trial, certainly not representative of the population, and certainly not representative of who is seemingly going to get this vaccine in the first round. Do I know that 90% of the >55 group is actually between 55-58? I don’t. How hard would it be for them to do a breakdown in decades? 16-25 26-35 36-45 46-55 56-65 66-75 76-85? We have lots of computers in this country and the population breakdown is done this way on studies I read all the time. Why not do provide this information on a study that is this critically important, particularly one where elderly patients will be near the head of the line?

What are they trying to do here? Unfortunately, too often drugmakers resort to this practice to hide their failure to test their drug on the elderly to an appropriate or safe degree, knowing there would likely be lots of problems. Because of their past behavior, I ALWAYS assume this is true until proven otherwise and act accordingly with my elderly patients.

That is the world these companies have made for themselves.

Now for the tables on pages 6 and 7 about immediate side effects.

Just a brief look shows that local soreness and tenderness is very common, up to 75% with this vaccine. That is a bit high, but not that far out of range from my experience with other vaccines.

The tables on page 7 are the whoppers.

Headaches, fatigue, chills, muscle pain and joint pain appear to be very common, way more common than other vaccines I am used to, as in an order of magnitude higher. It is very clear from this table that about half the patients, especially the younger ones, are going to feel bad after this vaccine. That is extraordinary.

We are told nothing about how long these symptoms last or the amount of time at work lost. The “minimal side effects comparable with other viral vaccines” in the editorial and press releases is just not consistent at all with my experience of 30 years as a primary care physician. There was universal agreement with this assessment among my MD colleagues. They had great concern about this as a matter of fact: great concern that it will cause bad publicity and decrease administration and great concern that given this already high side effect profile, it may be much worse when it gets out to the public.

Given the fact that this virus is largely asymptomatic in more than half the people infected, what exactly are we doing here?

Furthermore, unlike other pharmaceutical papers that try to explain variances in symptoms like this, there is not a word offered about possible underlying causes of these outcomes.

The numbers of COVID cases in the placebo group vs the vaccine group have been widely publicized, from 162 cases in the placebo group down to 8 in the vaccine group, giving a relative reduction of 95%. It seemed to all of us in our review group that we do not have nearly enough patients to really make assessments. That is not a criticism. The researchers have done admirably in my opinion to get this many patients this quickly. That is still the problem: they are going to be using the first million patients or so in the general public to get a real gauge on numbers and side effects.

Another issue of grave concern to us all on Friday was the asymptomatic cases. The only subjects counted in the 162 and the 8 numbers above were patients with symptoms. Who knows how many in each cohort were asymptomatic.

This to me leads to the most important question of all, and it was again completely untouched….. How many asymptomatic patients are there? And how many who were vaccinated are still able to spread the virus? Not even an attempt to answer that question. This is critical, and is one of the ways a vaccine can backfire. If a vaccine does not provide sterilizing immunity, ie stop transmission, it is of limited use for disease control. It is great for the individual, but if they can remain without symptoms and still spread it all around it does not help from a public health standpoint.

I have described my concerns and red flags about this study. I would like to add one more thing. Pharmaceuticals that go bad rarely do so in the first few weeks or months. Rather, the adverse effects take months or years. It is a known unknown of not just vaccines but any kind of drug. Our pharma companies have become notorious for having inklings or indeed full knowledge that there is a problem early on, and saying nothing until many are maimed or killed. I will assume that this is the case in this class of drugs until proven otherwise. They are such deceivers I have no choice.

Due to sense of urgency my colleagues and Ifeel about this vaccine rollout, we had an ad hoc meeting of our Journal Club to discuss the NEJM article. Of the nine physicians at the meeting, three have already had very mild cases of COVID. Of the nine, only one is enthusiastic about these vaccines. I have a wait and see stance. I will not be taking it myself. I have too many scars, too many staring at me from the grave to take any other approach.

My patients’ feeeback on the COVID vaccine has been very different than the polls finding that 60% are ready to take it. About half my patients are in the professional/managerial classes and feature a higher level of the 0.1% than the US overall. They tend to be more blue. Most prefer to wait and thankful that health care workers were getting it first. The other half who are working class, more red, and they feel the whole thing is a hoax. They will not be getting the vaccine – likely ever.

The only enthusiasts I would call elderly Rachel Maddow fans. That really makes no sense to me at all since Operation Warp Speed was a Trump project and even Kamala Harris said she would not take a vaccine that Trump recommended.

I would say AT BEST 25% of my patients will be getting this vaccine shortly after being available. There is widespread skepticism that is not being acknowledged by our media. The pharmaceutical industry has worked tirelessly to earn every bit of that disrespect.

Please look at Dr. Angell’s seminal article from 2009. She predicted in her works, all of this and more. My profession has been captured by a cabal of corporatist MBA clones, rapacious and unethical pharmaceutical entities, and an academic elite addicted to credentialism and cronyism. They have over the years bought off and infiltrated all of our government health care regulating agencies and our public health system. And they are completely incestuous. I believe where we are now to be worse than Dr. Angell could have ever dreamed. Even more depressing, I see no way out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1 As a special homage to the polio patient described above, a truly exceptional woman, let me underscore that the disastrous rollout of the this polio vaccine came at a time similar to ours. Panic and malaise were in the air. The children of America and the world were being stricken with polio at an alarming rate. Dr. Alton Ochsner, a leading figure in medicine of the day, vaccinated both of his grandchildren in public in an attempt to bolster confidence in the vaccines. Within 8 days his grandson was dead of bulbar polio. All the celebrities and politicians lining up to take this vaccine on national TV should remember this tragedy. “Stupid human tricks” like this have no place in this kind of situation, and can backfire in unexpected ways. Unlike that era’s polio vaccine, there is no way on earth this vaccine can transmit COVID. However, there are those of us in the medical profession who treat the plan to make population-wide use of messenger RNA, which before these trials had been repeatedly investigated but never reached the human trial stage save in a small scale Zika vaccine study. This is no time for machismo. This is also no time for anything less than complete transparency on the part of everyone involved in the quest for safe and effective vaccines. To behave in any other way is an affront to patients like mine who have suffered and died in the past.

2 If you read the paper, you might well have wondered about that 18,860 number and even checked Table 1 to make sure it’s accurate (it is), since the third paragraph of the Abstract, under the headline “Results,” has very different figures:

A total of 43,548 participants underwent randomization, of whom 43,448 received injections: 21,720 with BNT162b2 and 21,728 with placebo.

So how did the researchers get from 21,720 injected with the vaccine to the 18,860 in the “Main Safety Population”? This sort of thing confirms the impression that this is a very incomplete or sloppy study. It is really not clear where the difference between the 37,706 and the 43,548, or for that matter, the 36,520 total subjects in the Tables 2 and 3 (Efficacy) come from. I used the 37,706 and hence the 18,860 that went with it from Table because it gave slightly smaller numbers than using the Table 2 and 3 figures, but they would be close to each other.

My concern here is the 6000ish discrepancy between the figures in the main text compared to the tables. Were they excluded? If so, why? I could not make heads or tails out of this, and accordingly kept it out of the body of this post. This kind of inconsistency really needs to be hashed out with the actual source data in hand, and should have been explained in the article, even if just in footnotes.

#covid19 #covid #the rona #la rona #covid-19 #covid vaccine #fuck covid #coronavirus #medecine #health #medical pharmaceuticals #pharmaceutical industry #big pharma #pfizer #vaccine rollout #operation warp speed

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6601-timeline · 4 years ago

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It is November 8th, 1994.

Two short years ago, Ross Perot was snubbed of a chance to be the President of the United States by a “corrupt bargain”, designed to uphold a duopoly of power.

Two short years ago, Ross Perot started a political party to tear down the system which denied him a chance at representing America.

And two years later, the Reform Party and Ross Perot are the most powerful force in American politics.

-- March 1, 1993 --

The aftermath of the presidential election of 1992 still fresh in his mind, Ross Perot begins 1993 with a resolve to change the United States political system as everybody knows it.

Perot first considers immediately announcing his candidacy for the 1996 presidential election–even though 1996 is still four years away–but ultimately decides against it as too ineffectual. Four years is a long time in politics, and Perot sees a need for urgency, not measure. More importantly, though, Perot wants a movement, not just a moment.

One day in March, in New Jersey, Ross Perot meets a man named Frank Conrad. Conrad was an ardent Perot voter in 1992, heartened by his promises of change and his populist attitudes–the two exchanged pleasantries before local news cameras and talked about the pressing issues of the day: Clinton’s controversial victory, what the new administration might do, and the future of NAFTA, then working its way through government and something which Perot had strongly opposed on the campaign trail.

But toward the end of their meeting Conrad also suggests something to Perot offhand–a new political party. “There is no two-party system;” said Conrad on that fateful day, “it just looks that way. We all want some kind of new party.”

The remark makes a little wave in the local press, getting slapped deep in the pages of a local newspaper with other amusements and oddities–but it has a big impact on Ross Perot.

One day later, Ross Perot calls together the political groups which had supported him in 1992 and immediately begins organizing his political party: he calls it the Reform Party of the United States of America, or Reform Party USA.

-- June 1, 1993 --

“We come to serve the people, not the powerful!” were the words that Ross Perot used to kick off his June 1st announcement in Dallas–rumor had been building for weeks that he was up to something, and the movement of the groups which in 1992 had nearly lofted him to the presidency raised eyebrows on its own, although his confidantes were tight-lipped about it all. Even as press passes were issued and reporters filed in, the purpose of Perot’s conference remained uncertain; but the grandiose pageantry of Perot’s podium flanked by dozens of American flags made it abundantly clear that spectacle was certain–and if there was anything Perot excelled at, it was spectacle.

Perot’s speech decried the two-party system and the failure of the Clinton administration to make amends with the majority which had dissented from President Clinton’s election. He declared the political system corrupt and its machinations undemocratic, and that only wholesale reform could provide everyday Americans with a say in the system. Perot rejected the Electoral College as diluting the vote of every man and woman; he rebuked the Senate’s design as archaic and in need of drastic change; and he called for campaign finance reform, to level the playing field.

But Perot said too that he did not expect such changes from the “two-party duopoly” which had “denied him a fair shake.”

“Therefore,” Perot continued, “the change must come from America itself–and a new party must form to facilitate this change, the Reform Party!” It was obvious now what Perot was setting out to do.

Perot launched into the meat of his speech: “We come here to declare that we are building a party of the people, by the people, and for the people!” The party was to represent Americans–to build for them an America they could say they had a hand in. As he had done with the beginning of his presidential campaign just a year earlier, Perot called on the “ordinary American” to draft the Reform Party onto the ballot and to run on the Reform ticket. He concluded with hope for change, and a dream of a more equal America for all.

And within a week of Perot’s speech inaugurating them, the Reform Party of the United States was a major player in American politics.

-- January 1, 1994 --

Over three-thousand candidates.

That was how many candidates the Reform Party had recruited or seen sign up in just seven months, from Senate seats to House seats; from governorships to mayorships; from state house races to state attorneys, and everything in between. The Reform Party, by far the newest kid on the political block, had started lofty and stayed that way–and voters certainly seemed receptive to these unorthodox politicians in the same way they were receptive to Perot just two years earlier.

It had simultaneously come as expected–and a surprise–to the punditry.

Opposition to President Clinton had certainly been expected. For one, the incumbent was bogged down in political scandals litigated by an increasingly bloodthirsty Republican minority and incompetently managed by the Democratic majority. For another, the then-developing Clinton healthcare plan was uniting the right in opposition, and an incompetent rollout left many Americans (and even many liberals) skeptical at best and ardently opposed at worst.

More pressingly, though, President Clinton was nursing a wounded economy which–although recovering–was still felt by the average American. Altogether, the consequence was hurt in the polls: an abysmal 37% approval for the President, and a high likelihood of what was currently a 40-seat majority in the House and 7-seat majority in the Senate evaporating in November.

And it was no surprise, then, to forecast Republican benefit from Clinton’s mishaps. The Republican Party looked almost destined to deal a huge blow to the Clinton administration–one which Perot had ensured they could cast a shroud of illegitimacy on, although George H. W. Bush had performed exceptionally poorly. Newt Gingrich, essentially the face of Republican leadership by this point and likely Speaker of the House if they won, was still months from formulating the Contract for America but seemed to be itching to add another blow to an already reeling presidency.

But nobody had anticipated the maverick Ross Perot forming his own party–it was widely assumed he would bide his time for another presidential run. And even if they had, it was unimaginable that such a party would garner such a wide base as Perot had in his 1992 run.

But even at this early stage, something strange was happening: Reform candidates were winning in private polling. First these were isolated occasions or outliers, and they could be “comfortably” discarded as outliers or bizarre artifacts of early polling.

Then, they began to multiply.

-- June 1, 1994 --

By June, only a single conclusion could be expressed by all: 1994 was a three-party race.

All throughout the winter and spring, both parties believed the Reform tide they were seeing behind the scenes would ebb–but it never did. It strengthened, actually, and soon both Democrats and Republicans were scrambling to get their campaigns in order. Ross Perot had promised a better world, and Americans were seemingly prepared to take a gamble.

In some cases, the Reform Party scored veritable coups in recruiting candidates and that seemed to contribute to their successes: Angus King in Maine, for example, had been set to run as an independent in Maine’s gubernatorial race–but when approached by Perot gladly took the Reform Party line. But more often it seemed people simply wanted a change of scenery, as it was when ordinary-girl Dina Salberg suddenly seemed within striking distance of Tim Johnson, a Democratic whip in the House.

Inexperienced or seasoned, Democrats and Republicans alike soon found members of their caucus battling back not only against the other party but against a tide of seemingly-insatiable Reform Party supporters.

Democrats stay quiet and keep their heads down, but Republicans are actively confrontational: on May 30, 1994, Newt Gingrich tries to force a discussion of the issues to the forefront by releasing the still-in-development Contract for America.

Initially, Gingrich seems to catch the Reform Party completely off-guard, and questions of what the Reform Party stands for abound in the press. For all the support it has, few of its candidates have yet been seriously pressed on what they would support. But within days, a response comes from the very top of the party: Perot releases a “People’s Contract” of his own, establishing that a vote for the Reform Party is a vote for term limits, a balanced budget, and significant structural reform among other things. Nearly every Reform candidate to whom it is relevant signs on–and ultimately when Perot threatens to make one of the talk show blitzes that so defined his early 1992 campaign Gingrich backs off, recognizing the dangerous charisma Perot has.

Going into June–and now having been seriously tested on the issues for the first time–the Reform Party’s support barely flinches.

-- November 5, 1994 --

In the Democratic Party, meanwhile, it is clear by August that the Democratic majority is all-but-lost, and the Reform Party especially looks like a devastating blow to it.

President Bill Clinton hits the trail–months earlier than he had anticipated–to try and salvage what he can of a seemingly untenable situation for the Democratic Party. Unpopular as he may be (and unpopular he remains as he does this), the party is facing a crisis both from Reform candidates and Republican ones. Things look especially grim in the South, where Republicans look poised to sweep into power; but more concerningly for the party, Reform candidates increasingly seems to hold the balance of power in both the House and the Senate. Clinton tries to shore up the Democratic South, and especially tries to keep Texas in the Democratic column.

Ross Perot also knows by August 1 how perilous the Democratic majority is, and recognizing his unlikeliness to box out major Republican gains focuses his attention on Democratic seats, particularly in Texas and the Pacific Northwest. In mid-August he begins a series of whistle-stop tours: first through the PNW and the Mountain West, then later through the heart of Texas, stopping to promote every major candidate he can. In one week he makes nearly twenty campaign stops, every one of them with a new Reform candidate.

In September, polling only confirms what seems so inevitable for Democrats: Reform candidates pull ahead in Nebraska’s Senate seat and gubernatorial races in Idaho, Nevada, and Texas; Republicans meanwhile are poised to flip both Tennessee Senate seats and look almost certain to carry Oklahoma’s Senate seat too. Some see it as inevitable realignment–some see it as the work of the Gingrich Contract with America, which is disproportionately favored by conservative whites who dominate the South. Regardless of cause, the outcome is the same nonetheless.

Gingrich for his part doesn’t feel especially comfortable either when, late in September, Perot suddenly turns his guns against the Republican minority’s efforts to hold the Democratic majority in check. Perot demurs Gingrich’s congressional hardball as “play acting” and suggests it to be “a lie engineered to make the Republican Party look like they care about corruption.” When reporters push Gingrich to comment on Perot, Gingrich ignores it and stumps, committing to his earlier stance of depriving Perot media blitz material–but Perot presses the matter when he can continually and it seems to eventually register with at least some on-the-fence voters.

Gingrich begrudgingly engages with Perot thereafter, knowing that he needs to keep the Republican vote consolidated behind him. He calls Perot a “demagogue” and suggests his folksy-populism to be entirely at odds with his incredible wealth–a criticism from Gingrich that would have been an unimaginable irony two years before. “We have kept the radical liberal left in check,” Gingrich would say, “and yet if you took it from this guy you’d think that was the problem!”

But ultimately the exchange seems fruitless for both parties–a tactical win for Perot, in one sense, since it wastes Republican time and energy.

In October, the late party pushes come. Clinton, having stumped all around the country, seems desperate to avoid a beating in the South in particular, the region which had allowed him to narrowly clear 270 electoral votes just two years earlier. Here, Democrats are at least willing to embrace the native son, but just as many of them also seem hopelessly behind in their races and effectively dead on arrival. Elsewhere, his distance is welcomed–many Democratic candidates think his presence is a harm to them.

Republican leadership in the meantime likes their chances in the South, but is cynical elsewhere. Perot, ever the optimist, has no projections but positive ones. He takes a final Midwest tour in mid-October, beginning in North Dakota and ending in his home state of Texas, and promotes dozens of his candidates along the way. Then November comes, and the final few days are essentially academic.

-- November 8, 1994 --

In contemporary American politics, there is no analogue for the election about to take place. Not since the Populist Party of the late 1800s has a third-party been in such a strong position as the Reform Party seemed to be. Not since 1955 has the Democratic Party been in a position to be ousted from power in the House of Representatives. Not since Reconstruction have Republicans been in a position to run the South. All of these things seem not only possible, but entirely likely in 1994.

The going is slow at first for the Reform Party’s possibilities–their strong states almost all close late, and the South (Perot’s weakest link in 1992 and where they hardly recruited) closes early. For Republicans, however, their big test comes early.

Indiana and Kentucky are the first states to close–at 6pm–and they quickly suggest a wipeout for Democrats. Three Democrats start down in Indiana and stay down–another in Kentucky follows. Georgia is a bloodbath at 7pm, with three more Democrats getting destroyed–Florida sees another–South Carolina sees another. By 7:30pm, when North Carolina sees no less than four Democrats tossed out ignominiously, it’s obvious the rout is on and nothing can be done.

But, in the north, New Hampshire closes: and it suggests something much more ominous for both major parties. Both House races–one held by a Republican, the other by a Democrat–are quickly called for the Reform candidates. New Hampshire had been a state Perot won by just 43 votes, yet the Reform Party had sniped two incumbents.

And at the 8pm hour, it became clear that the Reform Party had made deep cuts. Both Maine seats went purple, along with the governorship and the Senate seat–then a Connecticut seat–then Illinois and Kansas Reform candidates lit up the map. Oklahoma Reform candidates sniped two would-be Republican pickups–Michigan and Missouri candidates also picked off single seats. North Dakota fell to the wave easily, with a Reform candidate ousting single-term Democrat Earl Pomeroy. But the wave came particularly hard in Texas: eight Democrats fell in quick succession to Reform candidates, and two more to Republicans.

Republicans, meanwhile, continued dismantling the Democratic South: two Democrats in Tennessee–and both Senate seats–were easily pried away. Oklahoma’s Senate seat, long since written off, also fell quickly. Governorships fell in Tennessee and Alabama, then later in Oklahoma too.

Just as quickly, however, the feast of Southern seats dried up. Individual seats continued to fall to Republicans throughout the night in states like Florida and Mississippi, but the bulk were in by 9pm–and Republicans began to get nervous as it became clear that the Reform Party wave was still coming.

Arizona provided some initial solace for Republicans: a Senate seat flip and a House seat suggested Western gains were still to be had. But the Midwest soon made it clear that Arizona was an anomaly. Three Reform candidates flipped House seats in Minnesota–then Dean Barkley flipped the Minnesota Senate seat from Republicans–and a Republican gain in Nebraska was met with a Reform gain and the Reform Party ousting Senate Democrat Bob Kerrey. Wisconsin broke hard for the Reform Party, giving them four seats–then in the 10pm hour, a deluge.

Montana went purple–then South Dakota–then Nevada–then Iowa. In Idaho the Reform Party picked up a governorship, then they did the same in Iowa and Nevada. In Texas, a tight race broke for them, taking out governor Ann Richards and denying a gubernatorial flip to George W. Bush. Unbelievably, by the 10pm hour it seemed entirely possible that the Reform Party would hold the balance of power in the House–and, very possibly, the Senate.

So when Senators Slade Gorton and Craig Thomas suddenly fell to Reform-wave candidates in Washington and Wyoming, all but ensuring Senate control rested with the Reform Party, it was stunning. Equally stunning, however, was the tidal wave that befell the West Coast: 14 Reform candidates elected in California, Oregon, and Washington alone. Tom Foley, the incumbent speaker, is ousted; so are Sunny Bono and Jay Inslee, among other notable names. As the remaining seats trickle in, it becomes clear:

The Reform Party has not only won a major victory, it in fact holds the balance of power in the House of Representatives and the Senate. It has broken fifty-years of effective one-party rule. It has stymied Newt Gingrich and the Republican Revolution.

It is the most powerful party in contemporary American political history, and Ross Perot is its powerbroker.

-- November 10, 1994 --

The following results can be officially confirmed:

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

Democratic Party: 191 seats (LOSS of 67)

Republican Party: 184 seats (GAIN of 8)

Reform Party: 59 seats (GAIN of 59)

Independent: 1 seat [Bernie Sanders] (NO GAIN, NO LOSS)

SENATE

Democratic Party: 49 seats (LOSS of 7)

Republican Party: 46 seats (GAIN of 2)

Reform Party: 5 seats (GAIN of 5)

GOVERNORSHIPS

Democratic Party: 20 seats (LOSS of 9)

Republican Party: 23 seats (GAIN of 3)

Reform Party: 7 seats (GAIN of 7)

Independent: 1 seat [Lowell Weicker, CT] (LOSS of 1)

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try-reading-a-paper · 4 years ago

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Anonymous Paper #1

Today’s date is the 11th of January 2021. I apologize in advance as I have not written in a while, nor was I an exceptional writer to begin with. I have always seen writing as a way to express oneself and it’s something I particularly enjoy, but also something I have neglected as of late due to the many distractions that occupy my life. I will be writing this blog express things that I feel are important to me and can be rather difficult to share. Without further ado, here is my first entry.

As I was driving on may way home this morning and enjoying my coffee, I found myself at peace. There are many niceties which we take for granted and I accept that the components I find essential to my drive this morning are not essential but rather privileges I take for granted, but not ones granted to all or even most people. My coffee, music, and the simple act of driving are three such things, things in which I cherish. The accessibility I have to luxuries such as these stem from my fate of residing in a country termed free. That same country has been littered by controversy as of late, but if one wishes to come to terms with the controversy that is the existence of this country, one must realize it has always been there.

I live in a country that treated people like property. I live in a country that went out of its way to wipe out its indigenous people and their cultures. I live in a country where racial equality has never existed. This country has leveled civilian populations in cities like Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This country has used clandestine military operations to perform coups that topple democracies all while touting its own success as a free democratic republic. We bathe in the hypocrisy of our actions. Stopping the Nazi war machine was a magnificent feat, but how long did it take for us to do so? How many had to die while we avoided at all costs getting involved, and now we can’t help but involve ourselves to the point of over interference. We provide aid to other countries while our own citizens starve. Our politicians are so corrupted by moneymaking schemes they have forgotten what it means to be a public servant.

We have made great strides. The rights of the people afforded them (somehow despite being established on the idea that we are all created equal there are still many this does not encompass ex. non us citizens) have improved much over the years, and yet I can’t help but be shocked as to how slow we have moved. Gay marriage wasn’t legalized until 2015. For some reason unknown to me this is shocking. The ancient Greeks while not perfect, seem to be more accepting than us in matter such as these and their society is thousands of years old. We regressed post reconstruction efforts to the point where the civil rights leaders of the 1960s weren’t campaigning for new rights, but ones they had been given that were subsequently taken away. Sometimes it feels as though every step forwards is meet with all the resistance that can be mustered and that occasionally we trip and fall down setting us back more than a few steps.

I guess the best way to summarize my thoughts so far is that this country isn’t perfect. I spoke with my roommate about it and we talked about how no matter where you go you will live somewhere with significant social and civil rights issues. There’s really no running from it, and it’s something we have to face, and I am glad there are those willing to rise up to the challenge and fight for a better world. The scary part is those people have always existed, and they have always fought, and there is still so much left to be done. I know this came off as super rambly but I can’t help it, I write how I speak and how I speak isn’t too great. If you’re someone out there who is fighting to change the world to make it a better place please don’t stop because we’re not there yet, not even close.

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thinkveganworld · 5 years ago

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CIA -Who Runs the Country?

These are portions of an article I wrote a few years ago on the fact that certain CIA officials’ believe CIA should run the country. It’s based on work by the late journalist Robert Parry. Parry was a Newsweek correspondent from 1987 to 1990. He was also at one time a reporter for PBS Frontline and and author of “Lost History” and “Fooling America,” (1992) among other books. He was editor of Consortium News.com and won the George Polk Award for National Reporting in l984, and the I. F. Stone medal for journalistic independence in 2015,

Who runs the country? High level CIA officials have said the CIA, and not the president or other elected officials, should run the country and world affairs. (This is still the prevailing attitude among many CIA officials.) In his 1991 book, “Trick or Treason,” Parry interviewed old-time CIA officer Miles Copeland. Parry discovered that Copeland strongly supported George Bush, who was CIA director in 1976, but distrusted Jimmy Carter because he found Carter’s idealism contemptible. Copeland told Parry: “The way we saw Washington at that time (1980) was that the struggle was really not between the left and the right, the liberals and the conservatives, as between the Utopians and the realists, the pragmatists. Carter was a Utopian. He believed, honestly, that you must do the right thing and take your chance on the consequences. He told me that. He literally believed that.” Parry writes: “With those words, Copeland’s voice registered a mixture of amazement and disgust, as if he were talking about a hound dog that wouldn’t hunt. To Copeland and his CIA friends, Carter deserved respect for his first-rate intellect, but only contempt for his idealism.” Copeland and his CIA friends supported George H. W. Bush in part due to Bush’s year as CIA director. Parry writes: “That, plus Bush’s schooling at Yale, a primary CIA recruiting ground, and membership in secret clubs like Skull and Bones, made the president a trusted figure to CIA veterans. I had been told that ‘Bush for President’ signs had been plastered on walls all over the CIA in 1980. Copeland was so personally impressed with Bush’s year as director that the CIA old-timer founded an informal political support group called 'Spooks for Bush.’” Another retired CIA man, Patrick E. Kennon, expressed the CIA’s view that CIA should run the country. Speaking about democratic elections in his 1995 “The Twilight of Democracy,” Kennon says: “Those societies that continue to allow themselves to be administered by individuals whose only qualification is that they were able to win a popularity contest will go from failure to failure and eventually pass from the scene.” The book describes Kennon’s typical CIA-man view: “Why have the most successful governments disdained the ideals of America’s founding fathers in favor of the sometimes cruel efficiency of authoritarianism? Because, Kennon asserts, the world has become so complicated, and the pace of change so rapid, that only highly trained, anonymous technocrats invested with enormous authority are capable of guiding a nation’s affairs. To trust unskilled politicians, vulnerable to corruption and ignorant of the most basic rules of governing, with the fate of a nation is, in Kennon’s view, the height of folly.” Both Kennon and Copeland repeatedly express contempt for democracy and idealism and support for a CIA-run country. Robert Parry writes that Miles Copeland shook his head from side to side in dismay as he lamented: “Carter believed in all the principles that we talk about in the West. As smart as Carter is, he did believe in Mom, apple pie, and the corner drugstore. And those things that are good in America are good everywhere else.” Copeland stated, “Carter, I say, was not a stupid man,” but added Carter’s greater weakness was that “he was a principled man.” (One problem with that theory is CIA has a long record of overthrowing democratically elected governments, lying to the public to involve us in illicit wars, torturing even our own citizens and many other egregious deeds. They may be coldly efficient technocrats, but they’re not known for their humanity.) Copeland said that during the Iranian hostage crisis, neither the CIA nor the Iranians wanted Carter to get credit for the release of the hostages. Both the CIA and the Iranians preferred Reagan get credit. Copeland insisted there was no formal CIA deal with the Iranians but just “a mutuality of interests.” When Parry asked Copeland how the CIA and Iranians came to agree to deny the hostage release to Carter, Copeland “only assured me that there were people deep inside the intelligence community who understood what had to be done for the good of the United States. He called the professionals 'the CIA within the CIA.’” Parry hoped to interview Miles Copeland in the future to ask which individuals of the “CIA within the CIA” passed on hostage messages. He wanted to ask why Copeland’s CIA friends were so sure the hostages would be released after Carter’s defeat. Copeland died on January 14, 1991, before Parry had the chance to do a follow up interview. When CIA representatives like Copeland and Kennon say the CIA is more qualified to run the country than are elected representatives, do they take into account the many CIA atrocities, including assassinations of democratically elected world leaders – atrocities that have become a matter of public record, acknowledged by CIA officials? When Copeland and Kennon speak of CIA concern for “the good of the United States” or protecting U.S. citizens, do they take into account the CIA’s own admitted abuses of U.S. citizens, including the CIA’s infamous MKULTRA program? Copeland spoke to Parry about controlling public opinion in Iran, about turning the crowds around, shifting public support from one dictator to another. Copeland said because Khomeni’s supporters in 1979 totaled a million people, the CIA couldn’t shift public opinion. Copeland said, “You don’t turn a million people. You can’t do it.” He said the CIA might have saved the shah from the Khomeni supporters except for Carter’s despised idealism. To Copeland and his CIA friends’ disgust, Carter criticized the shah for using torture and murder to keep Iranian citizens down. Copeland said: “There are plenty of forces in the country we could have marshaled. We could have sabotaged [the revolution]. But we had to do it early. We had to establish what the Quakers call 'the spirit of the meeting’ in the country, where everybody was thinking just one way. The Iranians were really like sheep, as they are now.” The CIA doesn’t confine its contempt for average citizens to Iranians. Apparently the CIA also sees American citizens as “sheep” and American public opinion as something the CIA must “manage” for the good of the country. Robert Parry’s “Fooling America” shows how the Reagan-Bush-era CIA pulled out all stops to control public opinion and the American press regarding Iran-Contra. Walter Raymond, Jr., served as the CIA’s chief propaganda and disinformation specialist before moving to the National Security Council in 1982. As top CIA officer assigned to the Reagan White House, Raymond helped manipulate public opinion by portraying the Sandinistas as “black hats” and the Contras as “white hats.” Parry writes: “As for the questionable legality of a CIA director assisting in a campaign to influence the American people, Raymond explained that [CIA Director William] Casey undertook those actions 'not so much in his CIA hat, but in his adviser to the president hat.’” Raymond, Copeland and Kennon typify the CIA view: Democracy should be superseded by a CIA-run government (complete with torture and assassinations), and the American people are “sheep” to be manipulated toward that end.

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tindez · 5 years ago

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In the end, the evidence was inescapable. “The president did in fact pressure a foreign government to corrupt our election process,” Romney said. “And really, corrupting an election process in a democratic republic is about as abusive and egregious an act against the Constitution—and one's oath—that I can imagine. It's what autocrats do.” [...] I found Romney filled with what seemed like righteous indignation about the president’s misconduct—quoting hymns and scripture, expressing dismay at his party, and bracing for the political backlash. [...] “I get that a lot—‘Be with the president,’” Romney told me, sounding slightly perplexed. “And I’ll say, ‘Regardless of his point of view? Regardless of the issue?’ And they say yes. And … it’s like, ‘Well, no, I can’t do that.’”

While I disagree with Mitt Romney on many things, I find it heartening to see a Republican who definitely thought this through and stuck to his convictions. Country over party! Kudos to him and to Utah.

So, I’m sharing this with y’all. Stay optimistic! Sometimes those we disagree with can still get work done alongside us.

(full article under the cut for those without access to The Atlantic)

POLITICS How Mitt Romney Decided Trump Is Guilty Comparing the president’s behavior to that of an autocrat, the Republican senator explains to The Atlantic why he’s voting to convict him. MCKAY COPPINS 2:03 PM ET Mitt Romney didn’t want to go through with it. “This has been the most difficult decision I have ever had to make in my life,” he told me yesterday afternoon in his Senate office. Roughly 24 hours later, Romney would deliver a speech announcing that he was voting to convict President Donald Trump on the first article of impeachment—abuse of power. For weeks, the senator from Utah had sat silently in the impeachment trial alongside his 99 colleagues, reviewing the evidence at night and praying for guidance. The gravity of the moment weighed on him, as did the pressure from members of his own party to acquit their leader. As his conscience tugged at him, he said, the exercise took on a spiritual dimension. Romney, a devout member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, described to me the power of taking an oath before God: “It’s something which I take very seriously.” Throughout the trial, he said, he was guided by his father’s favorite verse of Mormon scripture: Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good. “I have gone through a process of very thorough analysis and searching, and I have prayed through this process,” he told me. “But I don’t pretend that God told me what to do.” In the end, the evidence was inescapable. “The president did in fact pressure a foreign government to corrupt our election process,” Romney said. “And really, corrupting an election process in a democratic republic is about as abusive and egregious an act against the Constitution—and one's oath—that I can imagine. It's what autocrats do.” According to Romney’s interpretation of Alexander Hamilton’s treatise on impeachment in “Federalist No. 65”—which he says he’s read “multiple, multiple times”—Trump’s attempts to enlist the Ukrainian president in interfering with the 2020 election clearly rose to the level of “high crimes and misdemeanors.” (He told me he would not vote to convict on the second article of impeachment, obstruction of Congress.) Romney’s vote will do little to reorient the political landscape. The president’s acquittal has been all but certain for weeks, as Republicans have circled the wagons to protect Trump. But the Utahan’s sharp indictment ensures that at least one dissenting voice from within the president’s party will be on the record—and Romney seems to believe history will vindicate his decision. He also knows his vote will likely make him a pariah on the right. Already, he says, he’s experienced firsthand the ire of the base. At an airport recently, a stranger yelled at him, “You ought to be ashamed!” During a trip to Florida with his wife this past weekend, someone shouted “Traitor!” from a car window. Eight years ago, he was the leader of the Republican Party, its nominee for president. Today, he has become accustomed to a kind of political loneliness. Romney famously opposed Trump’s candidacy in 2016, and while the rest of his party has fallen in line since then, he has remained stubbornly independent—infuriating Trump, who routinely derides him in public as a “pompous ass” and worse. As I wrote last year, this dynamic seems to have liberated the senator in a way that’s unlike anything he has experienced in his political career. Still, when the senator invited me to his Capitol Hill office yesterday, I was unsure what he would reveal. Romney had been largely silent throughout the impeachment proceedings, giving little indication of which way he was leaning. I half-expected to find a cowed and calculating politician ready with a list of excuses for caving. (His staff granted the interview on the condition that it would be embargoed until he took to the Senate floor.) Instead, I found Romney filled with what seemed like righteous indignation about the president’s misconduct—quoting hymns and scripture, expressing dismay at his party, and bracing for the political backlash. Romney confessed that he’d spent much of the impeachment trial hoping a way out would present itself: “I did not want to get here.” In fact, that was part of the reason he wanted former National Security Adviser John Bolton to testify about what Trump had told him. “I had the hope that he would be able to say something exculpatory and create reasonable doubt, so I wouldn't have to vote to convict,” Romney said. Still, he found the case presented by the president’s defense team unpersuasive. Romney had a hard time believing, for example, that Trump had been acting out of a desire to crack down on corruption when he tried to pressure Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to investigate former Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter. The Bidens’ alleged conflicts of interest may have been “ugly,” Romney said, but it was never established that they warranted a criminal investigation. “No crime was alleged by the defense, and yet the president went to an extreme level to investigate these two people … and for what purpose?” The only motive that made sense, he determined, was a political one. Romney was similarly unmoved by the Trump attorney Alan Dershowitz’s contention that a president who believes his reelection is in the national interest can’t be impeached for pursuing a political advantage. “I had Professor Dershowitz for criminal law in law school,” Romney said, “and he was known to occasionally take his argument to its illogical conclusion.” Nor was the senator swayed by the theory that a president can be impeached only for breaking a statutory law. “To use an old Mormon hymn phrase, that makes reason stare,” he said. “The idea that Congress would have to anticipate all of the offensive things a president could possibly do, and then make them a statute?” Romney posed a hypothetical: What if the president decided to pardon every Republican in prison nationwide, while leaving every Democrat locked up? “There’s no law against that!” he said. “So it’s not a crime or misdemeanor. But it’s obviously absurd.” When I asked Romney why none of his fellow Republicans had reached the same conclusion, he attempted diplomacy. “I’m not going to try and determine the thinking or motives of my colleagues,” he said. “I think it’s a mistake for any senator to try and get in the head of another senator and judge them.” But as he discussed the various rationalizations put forth by other Republican senators, he seemed to grow exasperated. He took particular issue with the idea—currently quite trendy in his caucus—that Trump’s fate should be decided at the ballot box, not in the Senate. “I would have liked to have abdicated my responsibility as I understood it under the Constitution and under the writing of the Founders by saying, ‘Let’s leave this to the voters.’” But, he said, “I’m subject to my own conscience.” When I asked how it felt to be formally disinvited from this month’s Conservative Political Action Conference, he laughed and noted that he hadn’t attended the conference since 2013. But it seems clear that his journey from GOP standard-bearer to party supervillain has been jarring. “I was under the misimpression that what brought Republican voters together was conviction in a certain number of policy points of view,” Romney said. He recalled a political strategist during one of his early campaigns explaining how to court the three main factions of the GOP coalition—social conservatives, fiscal conservatives, and foreign-policy hawks. Much of Romney’s career since then has been spent trying to win over ideological purists on the right. In 2012, he said, some Tea Party activists refused to support him, because he didn’t have a plan to balance the federal budget within a single year. Now the conservative movement is ruled by a president who routinely makes a mockery of such litmus tests. Deficit reduction? “There’s no purchase for that,” Romney said. Foreign policy? “The letters with Kim Jong Un didn’t seem to frighten people away … The meeting with the Russian ambassador in the White House right after the election didn’t seem to bother people.” Somehow, Romney said, he is the one constantly being told that he needs to “be with the president.” “I get that a lot—‘Be with the president,’” Romney told me, sounding slightly perplexed. “And I’ll say, ‘Regardless of his point of view? Regardless of the issue?’ And they say yes. And … it’s like, ‘Well, no, I can’t do that.’” For now, Romney said, he is bracing for an uncertain political future. He said he can’t predict whether Trump will emerge from the impeachment battle emboldened or constrained, but he doubts the experience has shaken him: “I think what’s fair to say about the president is that he doesn’t change his ways a lot.” Nor is he expecting that their relationship will be easily repaired. (“We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it,” he joked.) Romney acknowledged that his vote to convict may hamper his own ability to legislate, at least for a while. “I don’t know how long the blowback might exist or how strenuous it might be, but I’m anticipating a long time and a very strong response.” Though he said he won’t make an endorsement in this year’s presidential election, Romney was clear that he will not cast a ballot for Trump. But, he said, “under no circumstances would I vote for Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren to become president of the United States.” In 2016, he wrote in his wife’s name, and he told me, “She’ll probably get [a] second vote.” For months, Romney’s detractors on both the right and the left have searched for an ulterior motive to his maneuvering, convinced that a secret cynicism lurked beneath his lofty appeals to conscience and principle. Just last week, the Washington Examiner ran a story speculating that the senator might be positioning himself for a presidential run in 2024. When I asked Romney about the report, he erupted in laughter. “Yes! That’s it! They caught me!” he proclaimed. “Look at the base I have! It’s going to be at least 2 or 3 percent of the Republican Party. As goes Utah, so goes the nation!” The truth is that Romney’s decisive break with Trump could end up hurting him even in Utah, a red state where the president is uncommonly unpopular. What that means for his reelection prospects, the senator couldn’t say. (He doesn’t have to face voters again until 2024.) But as he thought about it, another hymn came to mind. “Do what is right; let the consequence follow,” he recited. “And I don’t know what all the consequences will be.” We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to [email protected]. MCKAY COPPINS is a staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of The Wilderness, a book about the battle over the future of the Republican Party.

#politics #impeachment #gop #donald trump #mitt romney #utah #christianity #the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints #religion #usa #the atlantic #mckay coppins #positivity

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vampiremansionpoolboy-moved · 4 years ago

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sk8 au week - day 2: royalty and soulmates

reki kyan was nearing his eighteenth birthday and he had yet to meet his soulmate. reki has heard the whispers of the people in the town about people who don’t fine their soulmates. it’s not that he didn’t have one -he did, for your information, thank you very much- but because reki was from a royal family, and therefore a prince, he was to be married off and did not have the luxury of being with his soulmate. unless his soulmate was from another royal family, but reki had seen where his red string lead: straight into the center of the town below. so no such luck for another noble as his soulmate.

suddenly a book smacked into the back of reki’s head, startling him from his daydream.

“what the fuck-“ reki’s head whipped around.

“hey there slime.” said a voice.

reki groaned at the sight of the boy sitting atop his desk.

“hello miya.” he grumbled.

“what’re you looking at?” the young prince asked, a catlike smirk breaking out on his face.

“nothing,” reki said pushing himself up and walking over to miya.

“so is your mom still making you meet that prince for dinner tonight?” miya hummed as he twirled a pen in his hands.

reki’s mother was much more kind with her son and his romantic predicament, compared to reki’s father who was ready to married his son off without a meeting between the spouses. but after his father ran away with the sevrant girl he impregnated no one stuck to his old rules.

“yes, but i have a plan to escape and i need your help.” reki said placing his hands on miya’s shoulders.

“i’m all ears,” miya said leaning forward as if reki’s mother was outside the door and eavesdropping this very moment.

“i like what i’m hearing.”

“and then i need you and koyomi to either distract the stable hand while sneak through the barn.”

“done. is that all you need?”

“yep. the rest is up to me. joe accidentally let it slip that his soulmate is the craftsman in town and that he sneaks out at the exit

behind the greenhouses to meet him. so thanks to joe i’ve got my escape route all planned.”

“well look at this, prince reki ditching the feast planned just for him. who would have thought?” miya asked with a laugh.

miya let out snicker at the memory. “well now that you say that...”

“anyways i have to hurry if i wanna make it before my mom sends a servant to make sure i’m ready.”

but tonight was about his soulmate. so reki trudged on, squinting for the cave opening.

before long the prince was stumbling out of the vines and onto the street. luckily it was mostly empty. empty except for a tall man with long pink hair and glasses.

at the sound of someone falling through the leaves he looked up but seemed shocked to see a teenager.

“your not kojiro.” the stranger blurted.

“and your not- actually i wasn’t waiting for anyone and i have no idea who you are...or who kojiro is.”

the man stared at reki for a minute before recognition flashed in his eyes.

“prince reki! what are you doing outside of the castle?”

“i um...well you see-“ but reki was cut off by a rustling behind the vines and a large figure falling out of said vines.

“kaoru you will never believe the day i had...” joe trailed off, eyes catching sight of a panicked reki and surprised kaoru.

“joe?” reki blurted at the same time joe said “reki?”

the two stared at each other before reki made a run for it.

but joe caught him by his hood so reki didn’t get far.

“kid what the hell are you doing here?” joe said apparently forgetting all formalities one should talk to their prince with.

“not of your business! and i could ask you the same!” reki yelled as he struggled to get free from joe’s grip.

“i’m meeting my soulmate. and i’m going to ask you again, what are you doing here?”

reki sagged, giving up the struggle. “same here,”

“you’re meeting your soulmate?” kaoru asked.

“yes, what about it?” reki said crossing his arms. it had all gone so good until now.

“aren’t you supposed to be in a arranged marriage?”

“yes so i’m going to meet my soulmate and apologize before agreeing to an arranged marriage.”

“what?” joe said, surprise causing him to loosen his grip. taking the chance reki dashed away. ignoring the yells behind him reki

kept on running. nothing can stop me now, reki thought, i’ve come this far.

eyeing his string, reki ran through the street watching it get tighter and tighter. reki was too focused on the string that he didn’t see the boy in front of himself until it was too late.

the boys slammed into each other hard, the medicinal products in the other boy’s hands clattering to the ground.

“oh shit sorry-“

“sorry-“

they both spoke at the same time causing the boys to look up at each other abruptly. the boy had bright blue hair that went down past his ears. he was tall and lanky, his skin almost as pale as snow. bright blue eyes that reki had sworn he had seen before. but when reki’s gaze meet the boys hands, his heart stopped. a thin red string connecting reki’s own finger to this mystery boy’s, hung in the air. a red string of fate; a soulmate string. this boy was his soulmate.

eyes snapping back to the bright blue ones reki knew his soulmate saw it too.

“well shit.” reki blurted and the boy began to laugh. it was a sweet noise, like the chime of heavenly bells. and so reki began to laugh too.

“well i guess your my soulmate. that makes this search a lot easier then.” standing up and reaching out a hand to his soulmate, reki began to speak. “so you probably know who i am and therefore i can’t marry you -or be with you quite frankly- and i’m very sorry for that and it’s selfish of me but i have the responsibility of the kingdom on my shoulders and i can’t fail my people.”

“what? ‘kingdom’? what are you talking about?” the boys blank stare bored into reki.

“...i’m the prince. and i’m going to be king someday. and as much i want to be with my soulmate -you-, i have to be responsible for my people -which includes you-.”

realization dawned on his face. “ooh, i see.”

“and honestly i don’t care about the difference of ‘rank’ between noble and townsfolk but other royalty do.”

“well my moms a doctor if that means anything.”

“a prominent roll indeed but unfortunately not enough for the in-law of a prince. well not in my eyes, but in the eyes of others.”

“you- you mean you were a prince?”

the boy nods.

“well you’re my soulmate, are you not? so we’re meant to be together, no?”

“well yes of course. but i wanted to make sure you were comfortable with it and all...”

“of course reki.” the boy said sweetly while reaching out and clasping reki’s hands in his own.

reki almost melted at the use of his given name spoken by his soulmate.

“oh wait can i call you that? is that ok?”

all reki could do was dumbly nod.

“my names langa by the way.”

“langa,” reki said testing out the way the name felt on his tongue. “i like it!” he smiled and watched as langa’s face turned red.

“well should we head to the castle or something to relay the news?” langa asked, turning to reki.

“hmmm i think we can wait a minute. wanna show me around the town?”

“it would be my honor.”

and so the two boys disappeared into the lively bustle of the town as the laughed away and held each other’s hand like a lifeline.

~ ~ ~

@sk8-au-week

#sorry this is a day late tumblr was being a bitch and wouldn’t let me post it #sk8 the infinity #sk8 au week #toad talks #toad writes too #renga #matcha blossom

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