#matt is supposed to be there to handle this for louis so that it does as little damage to him as possible esp if something is wrong

[lhrry]

x

[comphersjost]

All For You (4 times you tried to tell Brady you loved him, and the one time Matty did it for you) ➸ Brady Tkachuk and Matthew Tkachuk

reahi, i had an idea and opened a document and i couldnt stop writing, this is what came out. it was edited but i made a lot of changes after, so please forgive any mistakes, typos, plot holes, etc. enjoy :)

Finally fed up with pining over your best friend from afar, you enlist the help of Matthew to help you get the guy - you’re just not really sure who the guy is anymore. Or: 4 times you tried to tell Brady you loved him, and the one time Matty told him for you.

word cout: 5.1k (sorry lmao)

warnings: a LOT of angst, like a lot. smut, nothing as wild as ive written before, car sex, cockwarming, etc. etc. usual cussing, love triangles ig? alcohol, super brief mention of weed, mentions of sex while drunk/high

part two

part three

part four

part five

masterlist

I.

You tried to take Matty’s smile and what was supposed to be an encouraging nod to heart, and let it boost your with confidence. But it didn't. It really, really didn't. You could see Brady on the other side of the room, smiling down at your mom the way he always did. It was that smile he reserved for your parents, the charming, boyish, smile. It was the same smile that got your parents to let you out of the house late in high school even though you were grounded. It was the smile you got to see sitting on your rooftop just a little too tipsy at 2 in the morning. The same smile you wished you could kiss right off his face. 

Brady glances up from your mom’s face for a moment, and catches your eyes. His smile widens impossibly, and you watch him excuse himself from your mother. She smiles knowingly at you, a gentle sparkle in her eye as Brady finds his way towards you.

You latch onto him as soon as you're in his arms, pressing yourself to him, closer closer closer. “Hi,” you hear him mumble against the top of your head. 

“Hi, B,” you breathe back, barely audible over the chatter in the room. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, buttercup,” Brady beams down at you, squeezing your shoulders again. 

Your throat dries up as you stare up at him. You always loved the way his eyes crinkled shut when he smiled big like he was now. A tiny part of you wants to say fuck it and stand up on the tips of your toes to kiss him full on the mouth. You feel yourself swallow, your mouth opens and you want to get the words out, just like Matthew said you could. 

“Listen, Brady I-” 

“Y/N I want you to meet someone.” 

You and Brady spoke at the same time, and rather than let you finish your sentence, Brady lets you out of his arms, resting his hand against your lower back and leading you somewhere deeper into the house. 

“I want you to meet my friend,” he continues, “I know you haven't seen anyone since… but anyways, yeah I think you might like him.” Your lips remain parted, the words stuck in your throat. Of all the things you expected coming to the Tkachuk house tonight, of everything you could have thought might happen during your plan to confess your feelings to your best friend, an off-handed mention of your piece of shit ex-boyfriend and Brady attempting to set you up with someone was far from it.  

Your eyes are hazy, your focus far from the situation at hand, even as you let Brady introduce you to his friend. You barely remember the poor kid’s name, too caught up in trying to keep your shit together. Your eyes find Matthew’s, hating the sympathetic smile on his lips. 

You don't want his pity. It just makes you feel worse. You turn abruptly to Brady’s friend and stop him mid-sentence. “I’m really sorry,” you say, “I just don't think this is going to work out, I have my eyes on someone else.” He doesn't say anything as you walk away, bee-lining straight for Matthew. 

You grab his forearm, ignoring his protests when you drag him out to the backyard. 

“Why did he do that?” you say once you're outside. “Why did he introduce me to someone that I could date? What if you're wrong, Matty? What if he doesn't like me like you think he does?” 

Matthew didn't have an answer for that. He did know one thing though. 

“Then he’s an idiot, Y/N, and he can't see a good thing, a great thing, even when she's right in front of him.” You let out a wet laugh, trying your best not to read too deep into what Brady had tried to do tonight. Instead you let him tuck a strand behind your ear and pull you into a comforting hug, the both of you unaware of Brady’s eyes on you, a smile tugging at his lips at the thought of you two together. 

II.

Ottawa playing a game against Calgary meant you had to cancel any and all plans you had for that weekend. The whole Tkachuk family couldn't make it from St. Louis, but you living in Calgary made up for it. You were shaking with excitement - you hadn't seen Brady in a month and a half, since that horrible attempt at telling him how you felt. You hoped that this time would be different. 

The arms that wrap around your waist in the middle of the hotel lobby are all too familiar to alarm you. 

“Hi, buttercup,” comes the soft whisper, and you can't even attempt to fight the smile that pulls at your lips. 

“Hi, Brady,” you whisper back, feeling Brady loosen his hold on your so you could twist around in his grip. “You've been gone too long.” 

“Hmm, I know,” Brady hums, kissing your hairline gently. “I'm sorry I'm not visiting as much, you know it has nothing to do with you right?” 

“I know, Brady,” you reassure him. “I just miss you.” I love you. The thought is screaming in your head, begging for you to let out.

I love you I love you I love you

“Just say the three little words, Y/N, tell him how you feel.” Those were Matty’s words, just this morning when you had a crisis about seeing Brady again. You paced across the floor of his living room, the walls and tables all over his apartment covered in jerseys and odd paraphernalia he’d acquired over his time playing in the NHL.

“I can't, Matty, what if he,” you gasped for air at the idea, “what if he doesn't love me back, I don't think I could handle that.” 

Matt had laughed at you this morning, assuring that to the best of his knowledge (and he knew his brother pretty damn well), Brady was in love with you too. Besides, he'd said, even if he wasn't in love with you back there was nothing you could do to make him want to stop being friends with you. 

Brady pulls away from you, preparing to head to whatever restaurant you were supposed to meet Matthew at. 

“So, Brady, there was something that I-” 

“Hey, what's this?” Brady’s curious expression made you pause. He tugs the fabric of your sweater down a little by your chest, exposing your collarbone, and a dark purple mark you hadn't meant for anyone to see. Your blood runs cold, knowing exactly where that's from. 

Matthew had given it to you, when the both of you had gotten just a little too wine drunk and you'd ended up in his lap. It was ironic really, you'd been discussing how to drop more hints to Brady about how you feel about him. He'd been helping you with that dilemma since the summer. And then last Sunday, you'd been over at his place for dinner, and the night had ended with him grabbing handfuls of your ass while you whined desperately against his mouth. 

There was no way you could tell Brady how you felt now, not with him having just asked about the bruise his brother had left on your skin. 

“You and my brother finally getting it on?” Brady says suggestively, a shit eating grin on his face as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. You feel like a deer stuck in the headlights. 

“Why would you even say that?” you snap, ignoring the way he recoils, lips parted and eyes wide in surprise. “Come on we have to go meet your brother for dinner.” 

III. 

You and Matthew had bought your plane tickets home for Christmas together, deciding that it made more sense since you both lived in Calgary and were going home to the same neighborhood. Brady’s flight was coming in the day after. You’d been spending most of your time at the Tkachuk house, lounging around with Matthew. You’d hung around their house to stay out of your mom’s way, knowing having people around would only just stress her out as she prepared for your whole family to come home. 

Today was the day Brady’s flight was coming in. Chantal and Keith chose to spend the day out shopping before heading to the airport to pick up Brady late in the afternoon. Taryn was spending the day at her friend’s house, leaving you and Matthew alone in the house.

Which, you should have known it was a bad idea. You swore it was nothing between you and Matt, you swore it was just about Matt helping you get the guy, get Brady. But it seemed like the more you, Matt, and alcohol were all involved, you ended up in precarious positions. 

Today you chose not to drink, hooded eyes watching Matt take another drink of whatever liquor he’d chosen this time, before your gaze slid back to the pipe in your hand, lighter dangling between two fingers. You knew how this would end, you and Matt would get wasted, you’d fuck, rough, hard, fast, desperate, and then you would go back to pretending it never happened, went back to him helping you with getting Brady to notice your interest. You didn't talk about it, and you were almost always some kind of inhibited. 

You refused to fuck Matthew in his childhood bedroom, arguing that it was bad karma. He laughed at you then, a soft laugh, clear of any indication that Matt is drunk out of his mind. The laugh is too innocent of a laugh for the way his voice lowers after it ends. He talks you into it, seduces you more like. He’s got you sliding into the backseat of a beat up old Toyota Corolla, his first car (“And how exactly is that any better than your childhood bedroom, Matty?). He tells you that you have hours alone in the house before anyone comes home and you might as well pass the time. 

The talking and seducing turns into heated, sloppy kisses. You giggle against his mouth, tugging at the curls at the back of his head while avoiding the thought that you swore to yourself you would tell Brady how you felt when he got home tonight. But then Matthew’s lips trailed away from your mouth, over your jaw, your cheek, the curve of your throat, and any thought of Brady was gone. 

The messy kisses turned into you riding Matt, his old car rocking back and forth as you bounced on his dick. He kisses you to quiet his moans. No one was supposed to be home for hours but, just in case. He's got you whining desperately while you clench around him, his giant hands squeezing your hips. He guides you up and down on his cock, relishing in the way your body moves the way he wants without a fight. 

I bet Brady couldn't fuck you like I can. 

The thought flashes through his brain before he can stop it, and then it's like someone put a red tint on his world view. You belonged to him. Matthew’s possessive rage has him fucking harder into you, his hands falling from your hips to your ass to slam you forcefully down on him. Growls fall from his lips, the thought of his younger brother fucking you making him intent on bringing you to as many orgasms as possible. That thought is also what made his teeth come down on your skin. He sucks and bites into your skin all over your chest, leaving marks that would expose that you were having sex with someone to anyone who saw - that would expose you to Brady. 

You let out almost a squeal when you cum, clenching around Matthew’s cock and sobbing desperately. You don't see the smug grin on his face when he watches you cum, only letting him keep doing what he's doing because it just feels so damn good. 

Matt follows through on his mental promise, fucking you through as many orgasms as he could (5, the last time he checked, he lost count). His hands flex over your ass, sighing contentedly as he pulls you so that you sink all the way back down on his cock. He pulls you to his chest, nuzzling into you as the two of you doze off. 

Brady finds you that way, seeing the way you’re nuzzled into his brother’s chest through the windshield. The fact that he only saw you through the windshield protected him from seeing the most incriminating part, Matthew’s cock, still stuffed all the way inside of you. He can still see the bare skin of yours and Matt’s shoulders, so he opts out of waking you up, instead heading towards his room to shower off that airport smell and nap, a devastatingly pretty blonde attached to his hip. 

When you wake up, you feel groggy, but more sober than before. After you moaned pathetically when Matthew lifted you off of his cock, the two of you snuck back inside the house, managing to get you out the door and back to your house, and Matthew to his room. When you and your family made their way over for dinner later that night (the hickies and bruises on your skin successfully covered up), you feel your heart twist in your chest at what - or rather, who - greets you there. 

“Y/N! Hey!” Brady sounds so excited, so you humor him, hiding the way it feels like you're about to explode into a million little shreds. “This is my girlfriend, Autumn.” 

And - you really can't hate her. She's so nice, so incredibly kind and radiant and you really don't blame Brady for not taking his eyes off her the whole night. You didn't even know he was bringing her. Matthew catches your eyes, shaking his head sadly and mouthing I didn’t know. 

You shrug, your gaze falling back to the design on the carpet, how the spirals of each shape in the carpet almost mirror your heart, spiraling out and falling apart before your eyes. 

Matt’s gaze remains on you. Something about seeing your skin clear and bare after he had taken such good care to leave as many marks as possible didn't sit right with him. It made his gut twist; he wanted everyone to know. He wanted Brady to know. 

You hate the unpleasant feeling in your gut every time Autumn says something. And you really hate the way Brady smiles apologetically at you when you pulled him aside to say “You never told me you were seeing someone.” 

You just had to get through this night and then it was back to Calgary. 

IV.

Of all traditions your family has with Tkachuks, the vacations are your favorite. 

You're in California this offseason, renting a house in some random, tourist-attracting beach town. Both your families had always done something similar to this (letting the boys take care of a large chunk of it now that they're on NHL salaries), renting 2 houses and splitting you up between the parents and you and the Tkachuk kids once you were old enough. 

Brady had broken up with Autumn in May, which you couldn't be more thankful for, knowing that had that not happened she would've been on this vacation. “Nothing terrible happened,” he assured you over the phone that day. “She's an amazing girl, she really is, she's just...she's not the one for me.” 

You were glad he couldn't see the smile that pulled at your lips at those words.

As for Matthew...well, you'd barely done as much as look at him since Christmas, not wanting to fall back into the habit of sleeping with him whenever you managed to get drunk enough to forget Brady’s existence for half a second. 

But now Brady and Taryn are at the beach, meeting up with some friends they somehow convinced to drive up from Orange County, and you were laying outside in the rented house’s backyard on one of the pool chairs. You’d opted to stay home this time, having spent almost every minute of this vacation attached to Brady at the hip. 

It was pathetic, almost, the way you followed him around. Matt thought so, at least. What he thought was even more pathetic though, was the way Brady had the perfect fucking woman in front of him - pining after him even - and he still couldn't see it, no matter how hard you and Matt tried to make him. 

Matt hates that he finds himself wishing that the whiny voice you used to get Brady to do things you wanted was following him around instead, like the incessant bug he'd teased you about being when you whined for the millionth time to Brady that it was hot. 

Brady had looked at you all soft in the moment, leaning down to kiss your forehead before placing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into him. “Not hot enough for you not to cuddle with me,” he’d said, your giggles prompting him to tickle your sides until you'd both forgotten about your complaining. 

“Y/N, you left your water bottle outside,” Matthew says abruptly, adding on a “by the way” so you two would stop staring at him like he interrupted something. Like he wasn't even supposed to be there. 

“Oh,” the realization makes you frown, and the pout that accompanies your furrowed brows almost make him combust from how cute you look. “Didn't know you noticed I left it out there.” 

Brady keeps his arm around you as he lets you take him back outside for the water bottle, making you miss the way Matt whispers “I always notice.”

- 

You briefly wondered what Matthew was doing, before the question was answered for you by a soft sensation against your knee. His lips trailed up your thigh, nosing at your skin before pressing another open-mouthed kiss into your thigh, making your eyes flutter open briefly. It's hot, your skin feels like it's on fire, buzzing, like you're vibrating from the inside out. 

Even with the sun washing over you the way that it is, the fire you feel on your tanned skin, Matthew’s lips make you burn. He makes you ache, the way he hasn't touched you like this in months. 

“Everyone is gone for the day,” he murmurs against you, kisses becoming more frequent across your hips. “All of them. I could fuck you and make you scream and no one would know.” His words make you shudder, your back arching as his lips traveled upwards, teeth coming out to mark you up all over your tits. “So pretty like this baby, when I mark you up like that.” 

You know that if you don't stop him now, Matt will get you in his bed - he would get you in his bed and then from there he'd take you apart with his fingers, his cock, his mouth. Then he’d use that same damn mouth that got you into bed with him to talk you into staying there. And as much as you love Brady… you can't resist him. You place your hand on his shoulder, his skin is warm, and it takes everything out of you to push him away. 

“Matty, stop, Matthew, stop it.” Suddenly you can feel the sun back on your skin, Matthew having retreated from you completely. 

“What's wrong?” he says softly, “Please, what did I do?” 

“Nothing,” you lie, closing your eyes again so you wouldn't have to look at him as you say your next words. “I'm telling Brady how I feel. Tonight. No matter what happens I’m telling him tonight.” 

“Oh. Good luck, then, I guess.” That's all Matthew says, then there's a shuffling noise and silence. Then the slam of the sliding door to the kitchen. 

You shift uncomfortably and turn your thoughts back to Brady. 

It’s later, when you’re curled up against Brady’s chest with a random movie playing on tv that you get cold feet. It’s just you and him, on the couch of the first floor of the house. Matthew is God knows where, and Taryn still hadn't gotten back from her friend’s house. This moment on the couch with him is perfect, it feels so domestic. You don't want to ruin this moment by telling him how you feel, and potentially - probably - being rejected. 

You promised yourself. 

You take a deep breath, ready to blurt out those three little words, and then - 

“So, you and my brother huh?” Brady murmurs, eyes remaining trained on the action scene on the screen in front of him. “I know you got defensive last time I mentioned it but you guys are good together, and I'm glad you finally see it.”

You feel like you can't breathe, your throat choking up. You want to cry, yell, scream, something to just let him know that you love him. 

“Actually, Brady -”

“Hey, don't worry it’s okay,” Brady laughs, reassuring you and pulling you closer to squeeze you. “I promise, I've seen you with him, and I think you guys are good together, don't worry about it.” You fall silent, not really knowing how to work your way out of this one. 

“We’re not together,” you say quietly, and you had the way Brady’s hum of acknowledgment sounds like he doesn't believe you. You give up on telling him tonight.

+1 

The expression on Brady’s face drops when he meets your eyes across the table. You were just so tired. And you knew that he could see it in your face. What with work absolutely kicking your ass, to the point where you were barely able to get this week off to come home to St. Louis. It’s the end of summer, which means you and Brady were about to go through months of hectic schedules and voicemails that say “Hey, sorry I just missed your call, life has been crazy lately.” Your gaze falls from the lines of Brady's face to the seat at his right side.

Autumn smiles at you, and you hate the way the warmth that radiates from her feels like a knife twisting deeper into your gut. You hate yourself for how much you hate Autumn, you know she doesn't deserve it. Brady catches your eye again, a brief flash of recognition sliding across his face before it's gone. You'd been avoiding him for the past three days since you got here, and you almost felt guilty for it. 

Matt’s hand gripping your thigh draws your attention away from Brady. He squeezes your thigh, smiling reassuringly at you and bumping your shoulder gently. It’s when Autumn finally stands from the table, smiling sweetly at Keith and Chantal, that you release the breath you'd been holding in all night. Brady says he's going to walk her out, a car waiting for her outside to take her to the airport back to Ottawa. 

You don't fight it when Matthew tells you to head downstairs and he and Taryn could take care of the cleaning up. You curl up on the couch in the basement, stealing Matt’s Flames hoodie off the back of a chair and a blanket from the closet. Your eyes flutter shut to the muted noises of the dishes clinking together. 

You let your eyes flutter closed, only opening them again when you feel a warm heat slide in beside you. You hum when Matt kisses your temple softly. 

“You okay?” he nudges you gently, stealing the end of your blanket to cover his legs. 

“Yeah, just tired,” you mumble back, voice muffled by the pillow your face is half-buried in. You know Matthew knows better than to believe your blatant lie, but you're okay with the way he chooses to move past it and not make you talk about it. 

The two of you lounge on the couch silently, Matt switching on some Netflix show he’d been watching after you heard Taryn say she was going to bed. You tried not to think about how long Brady was taking upstairs with Autumn. 

They'd gotten back together over the summer, she’d reached out to him before he left for the off season, which he failed to mention until it was nearly over. Against both yours, Matthew’s, and Taryn’s advice, Brady had bought a plane ticket back to Ottawa, saying that he might as well give it a shot. 

Matthew had held you when you cried that night, Taryn bringing the two of you water and food when it was clear you weren't leaving his room, much less his arms. 

He wanted to hold you right now too, god how he wanted to hold you. But he couldn't, not with Brady due back any second from waiting out front for Autumn's ride. He couldn't risk Brady seeing the two of you, not again. 

Brady had made comments here and there about Matt’s relationship with you. No matter how much Matt insisted that the two of you weren't involved, Brady wasn't convinced, insisting that he was okay with it. 

But right now, in this moment, he wanted to believe him. Matt’s hands ached to touch you, hold you, draw patterns on your skin, he yearned for it. He wanted - he needed to make sure that you knew that everything was going to be okay. Just as his resolve starts to crumble, his hands twitching in his lap as he begins to reach for you, a voice comes from the stairs. 

“We should talk - right?” Brady is talking to you, making you open your eyes to look at him. “Like - things are weird, have been weird, and we have to talk about it right?” 

You nodded silently, shifting in your spot so that you're sitting up, any physical contact you had with Matt now lost. “Yeah,” your voice comes out small, a whisper, and then stronger, firmer. “Yeah, we need to talk.” 

This is it.

The silence in the room is almost unbearable, and you're unable to choke the words out. Brady stares at you, while you stare down at your hands. Matt refuses to look at either of you, gaze trained on the wall behind the TV, jaw clenched so tightly that if your eyes were on him you'd tell him he was about to break his teeth. 

“Is this about you and Matt?” The words come out of nowhere, and it feels like you've been slapped. 

“What?” Matt’s head snaps towards Brady, as does yours.

“No, really,” Brady says, “Did you guys break up oh something?

“What are you talking about Brady?” You can't stop the frustration from seeping into your voice. “That's not what this is -” 

“‘Cause you know I’m okay with you guys together,” Brady continues obliviously, “I keep telling both of you that it's fine but I don't get why you insist on-” 

“Oh my god you idiot!” Matt’s outburst shuts Brady up pretty quickly, leaving the younger brother staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. Matt looks at you and his eyes are sad, regret and apologies already written all over his face for what he's about to say next. “She's in love with you.” 

He speaks so quietly you almost don't hear the second part of his statement. 

“And I’m in love with her.”

Time screeches to a halt. You're convinced it's a dream, nearly pinching yourself to prove that it is. Brady is staring at Matt now, and you're staring at the ground. 

“You're lying.” You don't believe the words you're saying either, and neither do Matt and Brady. 

“I love you.” He's telling the truth, you can hear it in his voice. 

“Stop.”

“I love you and you love him.” 

“Stop it!” 

“I love you, and, fuck - Y/N, it’s simultaneously the best and worst thing that’s ever fucking happened to me.”

“Please! Matty, please! Just stop!”

“Is he telling the truth?” This time it’s Brady. His voice quivers with every word. Like he doesn’t want it to be true. “You're in love with me?” 

You wrap your arms around your torso, squeezing your eyes shut and hoping - praying - that when you opened your eyes, this would all be over and you'd wake up in your bed. But when you opened your eyes again, you were still on the couch in the Tkachuk’s basement, blanket tangled between you and Matt. 

“You should have let me tell him,” you say to Matt, ignoring Brady’s question, still lingering in the air. “I wanted to be the one to tell him, you knew that.” 

“Well, he hasn't been letting you, now has he?” Matt snaps back at you, the regret showing up on his face almost instantaneously. “Baby…” 

The name slips out on accident, he doesn't mean to say, and he sure as hell doesn't mean for Brady to hear it. 

“Okay, what the hell is going on here?” Brady finally yells, fed up with being kept in the dark. “What the fuck are you guys talking about?” 

“I don't-” you start to say, trying to say it before Matt does. 

“She loves you, okay?” Matt grabs your hand for a moment when he starts to speak, giving it a squeeze before taking his own hand back again. “She loves you in more than a friend way, and we’ve spent nearly the last year trying to get her to tell you but every time - every time Brady! - some stupid shit happens, like you trying to hook her up with someone, or - oh, I don't know - randomly springing your girlfriend on us!” 

“That was one time!” Brady argues, “Besides you were the only one who knew Autumn was coming, why are you even mad?” You flinch at the mention of her name, but freeze at what comes after. 

“What?” 

Matt looks like he's been caught red handed - and he has, really. He just didn't mean for you to find out this way. He didn't mean for you to find out any of this the way that you just did. 

“I can explain -”  

“Please don't,” you stand up just as Matt is reaching for you. “I don't want an explanation. I don't - I just want to - I’m going home.” 

While Brady doesn’t even look at you, Matt nearly lunges for you when you walk away from the couch. Walk away from him. He hates the way the thought stings. He barely manages to brush his fingertips against the red fabric of his hoodie before you're halfway up the stairs and the door to the basement slams shut. 

[royallypsychotic]

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[ghostsandskulls68]

The Adventures of Red & Jesse- Ch. 9

A\N: Hello everyone! This chapter is a long one so I’ll put what I can here but I’ll place the link to this chapter on AO3 right here and again the end. I hope you guys enjoy!

Characters: Red (MOC), Lolita (FOC), Louis (MOC), Dwight, Abraham, Eugene, Negan (mention)

Summary: Red and Louis have a few drinks after their fight. Afterwards, Red overhears some men doubting him and reflects on a time when Eugene doubted him.

A New Beginning- Chapter 9: Watch Your Back

-Red, Lolita, and Louis exit the sparing ring as the other Saviors leave, shaking each other’s hands. Red and Louis’ faces are starting to bruise where they hit each other. Red turns to them as he begins to walk toward his room.-

Red: This was awesome. (Grins) I’ll see y’all in the morning.

-As he turns to leave, Louis stops him.-

Louis: Whoa! Where are you goin’?!

Red: Back to my room.

Louis: Nah. Come hang with us for a while! I got whiskey.

Red: (raises an eyebrow) Whiskey? Well I haven’t had a drink in god knows how long...

Louis: Alright then! Let’s go!

-The three walk back to Louis and Lolita’s quarters. Lolita opens the door and Red looks around. Red looks at the shelves. There’s a black and sliver turntable and several vinyl records. Some jazz, some punk, and some heavy metal bands. Red smiles as he too enjoyed those styles. Lolita walks to a small common area with two chairs and a small couch as Louis walks to a cabinet and grabs three glasses. Lolita sits on the first chair and looks to Red.-

Lolita: Sit down! Don’t be shy.

-Red sits on the couch. Lolita smiles as Louis walks to them and sets the glasses down. He then sets a bottle of Jim Bean on the table and pours them each a shot.-

Lolita: Oh Lou! You know I hate whiskey!

Louis: Only because you can’t handle it!

Lolita: (gasps) You jerk! (Punches his arm)

-Red and Louis laugh as they each grab their glasses and hold them up.-

Louis: To outlaws and bandits.

Red & Lolita: Cheers!

-They then drink the whiskey quickly. Red coughs.-

Red: (coughs) Captain Christ!! (Coughs) Shit’s strong!

Louis: (drinks) Ah! Been savin’ it for a while. Want another?

Red: (shrugs) Alright! Why not?

Louis: (Points at Red and looks at Lolita) I like this guy!

-He pours them each another round of shots and they drink. They sit amongst each other laughing and drinking. Red takes another drink as Louis looks at Lolita then back to Red.-

Louis: Alright. I have to ask...what’s with you and Negan?

-Red chokes and spits his drink out, then turns to Louis.-

Red: What??

Lolita: Lou!

Louis: What?! I just asked a question! When we got here we went through a weird initiation trial. He just puts down walkers and gets buddy-buddy with him, I’m just curious.

Lolita: You know he does what he wants. Some of us he’s harder on than others. Despite the ease of his initiation, he’s done the hardest stuff.

Red: Negan is just...Negan...heh.

Lolita: (scoffs) I’ll agree with that. (Pours herself another drink) He does what he wants, when he wants and he treats people that way too.

Louis: Doesn’t really answer the question but I’ll take it. (Looks to the turntable) How bout some tunes?

-He gets up and walks to the turntable and records. He takes a “Misfits- Walk Among Us” record and plays it. Red’s eyes perk as he recognizes the song.-

Red: I love The Misfits.

Louis: (turns back) You do?! (Glares and lifts his head) What song is this?!

Red: “20 Eyes.” Duh.

Louis: What’s your favorite off this album?

Red: Trick question. This whole album is great but if I had to pick, I’d say “Astro Zombies.”

Louis: (grins and nods) You’re alright kid...

-Red smiles and turns back to Lolita who shakes her head at them.-

Lolita: Morons. The both of you!

Red: What’d I do?! (Laughs)

-Red leans back as the door opens and a little girl walks in. She runs to Louis who was still by the turntable shelf.-

Girl: Daddy!

Louis: Diamond! (Kisses her cheek) How was your lesson?

-Louis hugs the girl and they begin to talk as Red looks to Lolita.-

Red: (whispers) Who’s the girl?

Lolita: Oh...that’s Diamond. She’s Lou’s daughter. While we work, one of the ladies here looks after her and tutors her. She’s a bright little girl.

Red: I see.

-Louis returns and sits in his chair as Diamond walks in and looks at Red then back to Louis.-

Diamond: Who’s this?

Lolita: Sweetie, this is Mr. Red. He’s a friend of ours from the docks.

Diamond: (stares at Red) If his name’s “Red” why is his hair black?

-Louis and Lolita burst into laughter. Red blushes and looks at Diamond.-

Red: Ummm...well I’m not Red at the moment because I don’t have any hair dye.

Diamond: Ohhh...so it’s fake!

Lolita: She’s got your number, Red.

Louis: (clears his throat) Diamond, come sit with me for a moment.

-Diamond goes and sits on the chair with Louis. The three take one more drink. Afterwards, Red stands up.-

Red: Ahem...well...I better be getting back now.

Lolita: So soon?

Red: Heh. You guys are awesome. I’ll see y’all in the morning. I promise (grins)

Louis: (Puts Diamond down walks to Red) You son of a bitch! (Glares then laughs) Good fight my friend. I’ll see ya tomorrow!

-They shake hands then Red hugs Lolita and Diamond. He turns back to them.-

Red: I’ll see y’all later.

-They wave and Red closes the door. He begins to walks back toward his room. As he walks by a room, he hears faint talking. He peers in and sees three Saviors from the sparing ring talking.-

Savior #1: ...And he’s back boxing everyone again. It was good time! I won a few points bettin’ with Matt!

Savior #2: That’s why he can’t even keep damn points, because he’s fuckin’ bettin’ on the boxing fights! That’s why him and his little posse are still down there pinning those dead things in the field!

Savior #1: And us? We ain’t exactly living in luxury. Back to that Red kid, maybe we should ally with him. Maybe he can put in a good word for us!

Savior #3: I mean I’ve never met the guy… But I don’t understand why Negan is so obsessed with him! He’s only been here a couple weeks and he’s already living in his own room, while we’re still down in the barracks. And for what? Because some kid managed to escape death on his own with parlor tricks and can take a punch.

Savior #2: Well Matt was saying he saw him earlier, working with the scavenger siblings, Louis and Lolita.

Savior #1: Oh yeah! He fought Red in the ring today. They knocked each other out! It was cool.

-Suddenly a voice speaks.-

Man: The two morons sparred each other huh? I’d have liked to have seen them kill each other.

-Red recognizes the voice as Dwight. He emerges from the shadows.-

Dwight: So he’s working with those two looters now? Hmph. Well trash does attract more trash. He’s only working with those filthy scavengers because they’re DIY guys. They work when and where they want and quit when they want to. Half the time they bring back junk. Nothing valuable.

Savior #3: They probably keep it hidden. At least that’s what Matt says. He watches their trucks.

Dwight: (scoffs) Matt?! He’s worse than those three. His little crew too. They’re too damn lazy to do what they’re supposed to, so they’re doing all the grunt work. (Lights a cigarette) But mark my words, one of them is gonna bite the dust...and personally, I hope it’s Lou. He’s mouthy, cocky, and reckless...not at all like his sister.

-Red glares at Dwight and clenches his fist. Meanwhile, the other men speak up.-

Savior #2: Mmm little Lolita...she’s gorgeous. Her eyes are like hazel gems.

Savior #3: And her hair...damn. She’s got a nice little body on her too!

Savior #1: Hey, I heard she turned down Negan’s proposal!

Savior #2: What??

Dwight: Oh she did. I was there. He was disappointed she said no.

Savior #3: Those ladies have it really easy. Never have to do much of anything. She’d have it all! But she chose to stay working for points with her brother.

Dwight: It’s a damn shame. (Takes a drag) But like I said...trash attracts trash. She’s alright, Lou’s pathetic, and Red is the same. Just a loser who got lucky.

Savior #1: Don’t be salty because he gave you a black eye for a week! How’s your sight by the way?

-All the men laugh as Dwight finishes his cigarette. He flips them off and walks to the door. Red walks and hides down a nearby corridor.-

Dwight: Fuck you guys. I gotta get back. I’ll see ya!

Savior #2: Later D!

-Dwight walks out of the room and down the hall. After he disappears Red continues his walk back to his room. He opens the door and walks to his bed. He kicks his shoes off and lays down, staring once more at the ceiling.-

Red: (Thinking) I didn’t expect everyone to like me...I’m just trying to survive like everyone else here.

[This is the end for now. You can read the rest of the chapter right here. Thank you!]

@i-am-negan-trash @jessegoesrawr1000times @eugenessix @the-negan-fic-club @jdm-imagines @negans-network @neganismyobsession

[thesportssoundoff]

“Meet 2018, Lookin’ A Lot Like 2017“ UFC Fight Night From St. Louis

Joey

Jan 7th, 2017

The UFC ended 2017 on a bit of a hot streak as every event in December was at the very least enjoyable and in a perfect world, that's your springboard as we head into 2018. It's only fitting I suppose that 2018 begins with a continuation of the very ills that haunted 2017. The first show of 2018 is a tremendous eclectic mix of well put together fights on short-ish notice with no real big headliner to tie it all together. It's the best the UFC could do on short-ish notice while also filling up their schedule; a common refrain for 2017 that has seeped into 2018. Now don't mistake that for this card not being good; it is a very, very solid show on paper and with an NFL playoff lead in (the UFC will air on FS1 basically right as the Vikings vs Panthers/Saints game ends) it's going to do one of the bigger numbers of the year. It's just a bummer there's no big main event to launch the career of a star or build a big momentum leading title fight. Jeremy Stephens vs Doo Ho Choi is a fantastic fight and a great headliner for however long it lasts while popular fighters like Uriah Hall, Vitor Belfort, Paige Van Zant, Jessica Eye, Thiago Alves and Michael Johnson are all filtered throughout the show. Throw in some fine matchmaking on short notice and another step in Kamaru Usman's potential title fight picture and we're on our way, fellas!

Fights: 13

Debuts: 1 (Matt Frevola)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 0

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC):  9 (Uriah Hall, Vitor Belfort, Paige Van Zant, Thiago Alves, Jessica Eye, Jessica Rose Clark, Michael Johnson, Darren Elkins, Zak Cummings)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  3 (Irene Aldana, Jessica Eye, Michael Johnson)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC:  5 (Darren Elkins, Zak Cummings, Kamaru Usman, Danielle Taylor, Kyung Ho Kang)

Main Card Record Since Jan 1st 2016 (in the UFC): 12-8-1

Jeremy Stephens- 2-2 Doo Ho Choi- 1-1   Uriah Hall- 1-2 Vitor Belfort- 1-2-1 Jessica Rose Clark- 1-0 Paige Van Zant- 1-1 Kamaru Usman- 4-0 Emil Meek- 1-0

Too High Up- Matt Frevola vs Marco Polo Reyes

Matt Frevola's debut fight off of the DWTCS settles him in as apart of the FS! prelim slate. I get why he's there; Frevola's a fun  exciting LW newbie who probably has a bright future with the Serra-Longo team behind him. Marco Polo Reyes hits REALLY hard and tends to be in exciting fights for however long they last. Having said that, this is a showcase fight for Frevola and really isn't even the best LW fight on the prelim slate. This could've been a lot lower.

Down Too Low- Danielle Taylor vs JJ Aldrich

Neither fighter is big on the action fight category so I get it. Having said that, it's a fight that should probably be on the FS1 prelims if only because the winner will be one of the rare ladies on a winning streak at 115 lbs. Aldrich showcased skills in her first two fights and is a training partner for current champ Rose Namajunas whereas Danielle Taylor is on a two fight winning streak with one of those wins being vs former contender Jessica Penne. This isn't even the Fight Pass headliner for cripes sake, man.

Stat Monitor for 2017:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 0-0): Matt Frevola

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 0-0): N/A

Second Fight (Current number: 0-0): Mads Burnell, Mike Santiago, Jessica Rose Clark, Emil Meek, Talita Bernardo, Kalindra Faria

Cage Corrosion (0-0): Emil Meek, Paige Van Zant, Kyung Ho Kang, Guido Cannetti, Jessica Eye,  Marco Polo Reyes, Doo Ho Choi

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- The main event is going to be a very serious test for what a prospect can learn from a loss and what is or isn't a fatal flaw. Its okay if Doo Ho Choi can't fight as good going backwards as he can going forwards. It would be a flaw but one that's non fatal in nature. If he simply CAN'T fight going backwards then THAT is a fatal flaw and the sort of flaw that cuts a prospects upside off at the knees. Choi looked awesome fighting going forwards vs Cub Swanson but when Cub (and Jackson-Wink) realized that Choi could only handle one way traffic, things went bad and in a hurry. Choi also gassed something serious which isn't surprising given his come forward nature and the power he puts behind his shots---but this fight is five rounds vs a dude who has been historically durable beyond measure. We're going to learn a lot here.

2- Food for thought for those who like to eat ideas; Choi has zero wins who remain in the UFC. Jeremy Stephens isn't as versatile or adept as Cub Swanson but he's probably as durable if not more so, he hits REALLY hard and has a style which will trouble Doo Ho Choi from the jump. That;s not to say that Choi can't win but if he does, I feel like that'll almost speak as loudly as a win over Cub Swanson would've.

3- Is there a single doubt that this card peaks viewership wise during PVZ vs Jessica Rose Clark?

4- Uriah Hall's biggest ability is neither his striking nor his cardio but his availability. Another MW would've been cut after three straight losses but Hall's "fight anybody anywhere anytime" style keeps him employed and it rewarded him with a awesome come from behind KO over Kryzstof Jotko his last time out. Hall's reward for that win is Vitor Belfort in the co-main event of a show that should do a happy, healthy viewership number. Good for Hall who genuinely seems like one of MMA's good guys in the sport.

5- Would Stephens vs Aldo be a good fight if Stephens wins?

6- Kamaru Usman's path to nowhere in the UFC's WW division raises what I think it is an interesting question going forward; should a fighter be removed from the top 10 if they refuse a fight for reasons other than injury? It really doesn't make sense that the UFC can't find a single guy in the top 10 willing to take a fight with Kamaru Usman and it hurts Usman and the UFC over the long haul that a division could have an artery clog as high as #7 or 8 in the rankings. So would that provision be in the best interest of the UFC? Could we modify it to anybody OUTSIDE of the top 5?

7- Staying with that thought, Emil Meek is the epitome of high risk, low reward for Usman. Meek is long, hits hard, attacks from awkward angles and on the feet will represent a collection of stylistic challenges for Usman. On the ground, I mean I got no idea. I know he's ridiculously strong but I doubt that'll help much if Usman is able to get him down as he's want to do.

8- Whomever thinks it's a good idea for Michael Johnson, he of suspect cardio and of a massive frame, to drop to 145 lbs probably doesn't care much about Michael Johnson.

9- James Krause has not beaten anybody who remains in the UFC. On the other hand, his losses are legitimate with L's vs Bobby Green, Jorge Masvidal and Valmir Lazaro. In many ways, he and Alex White are similar in that they lose to who they're expected to lose to and beat who they're expected to beat with an exception here or there. Krause seems to be transitioning into a coaching capacity going forward so this could be his final chance to really make a run in the UFC.

10- We've got four WMMA fights across three weight classes. Feel like that's the highest that number has ever been outside of femme TUF finales. We've sort of poked around on PVZ/Jessica Rose Clark and Taylor/Aldrich but let's touch on two other fights. Talita Bernando vs Irene Aldana is a battle of fighters who lost to Leslie Smith. Bernado fell off the map after the loss whereas Aldana lost to Kaitlyn Chookagian via very close disputed split decision. I personally thought she won. At 0-2, this could be her last chance to do anything of note. Kalindra Faria is better than she showed vss Mara Romero Borella at UFC 216 and she faces Jessica Eye who HAS to be on her last legs, right? Right? I mean seriously.

11- Let's talk briefly about Zak Cummings. If you had told me that Cummings would go from being a dude who pinch hit at 205 lbs to competing successfully at 170 lbs, I would've been pretty much stunned out of my mind. To his credit, Cummings has made good on that drop down with two losses at 170 lbs; one to the very good Santiago Ponzinibbio and the other a total stylistic booboo vs Gunnar Nelson. He faces Thiago Alves in what has the potential to be a career altering win for him assuming he can pick it up.

12- Dana White's Tuesday Night Contenders Series has had a great return on its investment but can Matt Frevola be the next guy to follow in behind those dudes?

Must Wins

1- Paige Van Zant

The UFC needs to 1) get back on the same page as PVZ and 2) Paige to carry this 125 lb weight class. If she can do the latter, the former will come into focus in theory. PVZ vs Jessica Rose Clark is giving Paige someone she's historically aced; fighters who aren't overpowering in nature and who are way below her on the athletic totem pole. A loss to Jessica Rose Clark, a competent opponent designed to make her look good, would be soul crushing for her stock.

2- Uriah Hall

URiah's walked his way up back into relevancy with a big comeback win vs Kryzstof Jotko and now he gets Vitor Belfort in his UFC retirement fight. This is the sort of fight that Hall has continuously struggled with during his time in the UFC; a guy who has power and fights tentative enough to where Hall overthinks it because he's afraid of getting clocked, dropped and finished.

3- Danielle Taylor

Taylor is probably not somebody the UFC sees a whole lot of value in. She's a somewhat dull fighter who is woefully undersized for 115 lbs and always seems to be left hoping for some mercy from the judges. She's on a two fight winning streak at 115 lbs and might be two wins away from serious top 10 level contention. Gotta beat a very tough game JJ Aldrich to get there though.

Five Can't Miss Fights

1- Jeremy Stephens vs Doo Ho Choi

2- Zak Cummings vs Thiago Alves

3- Marco Polo Reyes vs Matt Frevola

4- Kamaru Usman vs Emil Meek

5- Uriah Hall vs Vitor Belfort

Predict The Post Fight Talking Points:

1- Michael Johnson’s failed move to 145 lbs.

2- Is Paige Van Zant going to fight for a title now?

3- Was Doo Ho Choi rushed or this the natural course for him?

[junker-town]

Tactically Naive: Wayne Rooney for prime minister

The British secretary of health said footballers should take pay cuts during the coronavirus pandemic. Wayne Rooney reminded him that he should have bigger concerns.

Hello, and welcome to another edition of Tactically Naive, SB Nation’s weekly soccer column. We may be socially distant, but we still love you.

Wayne Rooney for prime minister

In times of strife, a nation needs heroes. And when a flailing government staffed by overpromoted clowns decides to take some heat off itself by pointing the finger of blame at professional footballers, then professional footballers need: Wayne Rooney.

How the past few days have played out is a disgrace. First the health secretary, Matt Hancock, in his daily update on coronavirus, said that Premier League players should take a pay cut. He was supposed to be giving the nation the latest on the biggest crisis we’ve faced in our lifetimes. Why was the pay of footballers even in his head? Was he desperate to divert attention from his government’s handling of this pandemic?

[reloads shotgun]

The Premier League then announced it was looking for its players to give up or defer wages by 30 per cent. This despite owners and the Premier League board knowing players were already deep in discussion about what their contribution should be. It seemed strange to me because every other decision in this process has been kept behind closed doors, but this had to be announced publicly. Why? It feels as if it’s to shame the players — to force them into a corner where they have to pick up the bill for lost revenue.

Rooney goes on to point out that “footballers,” as a category, encompasses a few very rich people and a lot of people in extremely precarious circumstances, and that the rich ones all pay considerable amounts of tax anyway, which should in theory be going towards public services.

Given that his column emerged around the same time that Liverpool, to loud booing, announced they would be availing themselves of the government’s scheme for furloughing workers, it’s probably fair to say the players are winning the PR battle, such as it is. At least within football.

Outside football, it’s harder to tell. Footballers are, of course, the preferred millionaires of anybody looking for somebody to blame. They are public figures, and some of them spend their money in quite extravagant ways. Whole sections of the English media are devoted to recording the indulgences of these feckless, usually working-class youths in horrified tones, offering them up to a nation powered by class snobbery and spite.

“Give nurses footballers’ wages” used to be a meme. Now, apparently, it’s government policy.

Oh, Kyle

Obviously some footballers can, on occasion, be a bit silly. The award for Footballer Most Likely to Appear in a Future Satire of Events Currently Unfolding goes to Kyle Walker, who this weekend apologised for hosting a “sex party” on the same day he issued a statement urging the public not to host sex parties to follow government guidelines on social distancing.

Foundational texts: Netherlands 5-1 Spain

Otherwise known as the game that launched a thousand “Is 2014 the best World Cup ever?” thinkpieces, an energy which lasted all the way through to the knockout stages. Then — with the obvious and glorious exception of Brazil’s self-immolation against Germany — things got a little flat.

This game endures for two reasons. The first is that it was very, very, very, very funny, in a chaotic and emergent way that sport does so well. Such defeats are often called “humbling” in coverage: the BBC report of this game, for example, notes that “Spain, looking to win a fourth consecutive major international trophy, were humbled and humiliated.”

But humbled comes with connotations of pridefulness, even arrogance — something to be corrected. Whereas Spain, here, didn’t look particularly arrogant or complacent. They just got done. For an entire cycle of international football they’d been essentially invincible, and now they were getting vincibled all over the shop. I would suggest that they were not humbled, but rather humanised. Or possibly re-humanised, given how hilariously human Spain at major tournaments had been before the triumphs of tiki-taka.

Here is G. K. Chesterton talking about the importance of “a mood of democracy” in the work of Charles Dickens:

There are two rooted spiritual realities out of which grow all kinds of democratic conception or sentiment of human equality. There are two things in which all men are manifestly and unmistakably equal. [...] But this is a spiritual certainty, that all men are tragic. And this, again, is an equally sublime spiritual certainty, that all men are comic. No special and private sorrow can be so dreadful as the fact of having to die. And no freak or deformity can be so funny as the mere fact of having two legs. Every man is important if he loses his life; and every man is funny if he loses his hat, and has to run after it.

The great thing about sport is you can have both tragedy and comedy at the same time without anybody actually having to lay down their lives. Here the great, all-conquering Spain died; and here, also, Spain had their hats knocked off their heads over and over again by Louis van Gaal’s giggling pranksters. In the process, they were returned to the rest of us, to the broad sweep of flawed humanity. And all it took was the very public crucifixion of San Iker.

The other reason it sticks in the memory is that after the game, Robin van Persie said this:

This is inexplicable. We trained all those weeks for this. The match has gone exactly as the coaching staff predicted.

I wrote about this at the time, and these words have stuck with me ever since. This is, on the face of it, an entirely peculiar thing to say: if something has gone entirely as predicted, how can it be inexplicable? And yet those apparent contradictions are reconciled by remembering that football is a horrible game where plans are made to fail and fail again.

What a miserable sport! You can turn up with an amazing plan, and implement it really well, and still get rolled over by some lousy finishing, or a couple of decent saves, or David Silva taking a relatively simple chance for 2-0. This game, then, stands as an apology from the universe to every football fan that watched their team get things absolutely right, only to lose anyway because goals are really hard. We were all van Persie, flying through the air, borne by the inexplicable knowledge that everything was going as it should, for once.

The best lockdown video you will see

Featuring, among other things, a perfect impression of Fabien Barthez.

GOAL OF THE CENTURY. CHOOSE YOU’RE FAVOURITE GOAL! pic.twitter.com/wM2cvnrAgl

— Sean O'Hanlon (@sohanlon23) April 4, 2020

[evenstevensranked]

#38: Season 1, Episode 17 - “Get A Job”

In order to afford a Sludgie (a.k.a slushie) machine for his room, Louis opens his own Doggy Daycare. But like most things Louis attempts, it quickly becomes difficult for him to handle. Meanwhile, Steve and Donnie bond over destroying a birdhouse. 

This one opens with Louis trying to butter Steve up in preparation to drop the “Buy me a Sludgie machine” bomb. Which is definitely supposed to be a “Slushie” or “Slush Puppie” machine, but I’m assuming those words are copyrighted. Louis decorates the entire house for Father’s Day… even though it ain’t father’s day. “But, every day is father’s day, Dad… when you have the perfect dad, Dad!” Louis cannot genuinely think that this could work. After prefacing the Sludgie question with a dramatic story about how the machine is going to be thrown out of a store that’s closing unless Louis rescues the inanimate object from the potential clutches of an evil child — Steve drops a bomb of his own: “Get a job.” Oh, boy. Why are those words so… terrifying? Even today as a 24-year-old adult, those 3 words send a shiver down my spine. They scream “you’re getting older, get over it” to me. I don’t know. Louis and old-fashioned work isn’t exactly a match made in heaven, though. So you already know he’s gonna spin the job angle into something ridiculous.

Louis is wearing an “I ♥ DAD” shirt to really sell it!

Steve suggests that Louis should ask Ren for help, since she just so happens to be running a youth career planning center from her room. Of course she is. Something I really like about the scene where Louis asks her for a job, is the names of the other kids already there waiting. Ren refers to them by their last names, and they’re all names of writers/crew members!! “Dearborn” - The show’s creator, Matt Dearborn. “Cunningham” - One of the writers for this episode, Sarah Jane Cunningham. And “Kaiser” another writer for a different episode, Brooke Kaiser. This is so cute to me. It’s not the only time the writers have done something like this either. This only further supports my idea that one of the writers must’ve lived down the street from Del’s Pizzeria. These kids have zero lines though, and it’s kinda funny and obvious that Disney didn’t wanna pay people more than they had to. Ren talks to the kids and they just... smile... as a response, lol. It’s awkward. She gives the Cunningham girl a job at a movie theater concession stand and tells her “Here’s a tip... Extra salt on the popcorn = they’ll buy more drinks.” This has always stuck with me. How slimy. 

So, Louis busts in asking for a “teen job thingy” (perfect!) and I freaking love when Ren questions Louis about his career goals. He’s so sarcastic in the most deadpan way. He says he wants to ride a motorcycle in the globe of doom in Vegas, is “hoping to move to Donnie’s room” in five years time, and refers to some guy at a donut shop with a claw hand as the public figure he most respects. I love Louis. Then we get a montage of Louis failing at every job Ren gives him. This is actually something that’s a little off about this episode, and I never noticed it until my series re-watch for this project. There’s, like.. 5 montages in this episode. I have to admit that’s a little overkill. To an extent, this almost doesn’t even feel like an episode. That many montages means there’s hardly any actual dialogue. It’s weird.

Anyway, one of the jobs Louis fails at is “Mass Mail Marketing” a.k.a licking envelops. They decided to use this annoying CGI tongue for the scene, which I hate and always have hated. It’s not the only time they use the CGI tongue either, tragically. Like I’ve said before, stuff like that just comes across as something thrown in for a cheap laugh. I’ve literally never thought it was funny. In fact, I usually cringe a bit when they pull stuff like this. Sigh. 

Um, this actually looks a little... off-color. Ew. 

Louis returns to Ren asking for another job as long as it doesn’t involve licking. She finds one for him, but quickly takes it back saying “...but that involves some light licking...” WHAT THE HELL kind of jobs does she have in this database of hers?! Louis goes on to fail at being a paper boy and a restaurant mascot. That’s three strikes, so he’s dead to Ren now. Louis goes to a local park, all depressed and emo over being a failure — when suddenly a stray dog sits with him. He has a heart-to-heart with the dog saying “I’m just not one of those job people you hear so much about.” I relate to this on an emotionally deep level. Within a minute, he gets the idea to start "Louis' Doggy Daycare" to hang out with dogs all day and make quick money. There’s a short montage of Louis hanging up fliers and I feel like Shia thought it was hilarious. I mean… Look at the photo on the flier, lol. 

His shirt says “I ♥ DOGS” Amazing. Not to mention, that dog is actually… smiling. The fact that Shia even posed for that photo is iconic, lol. He seems to be genuinely laughing about it here, which is great. 

Louis’ first client, Mrs. Walters, shows up with her little pooch named “Poopsy.” I love this so much. My mom and I quote this lady all the time when we talk to our own little dog. She speaks in such a strangely deep baby voice with all these dips and inflections. We always say “My little pOOOoPSEHHHH!” in her voice, lol. I can’t even explain it. She drops Poopsy off and says “Bye-bye, my preciousss!” but Louis cuts her off by saying “Please. Call me Louis.” I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!

Ren is impressed that Louis seems to’ve thought this through and is babysitting a dog. Until she sees that he’s babysitting, like.. 25 dogs.

Ren: Louis, are you crazy?! 

Louis: Crazy for canines. 

There’s a slightly annoyingly obvious pop culture reference to the famous “Dogs Playing Poker” paintings here. It’s whatever. Fine, I guess. But, it just feels like an easy idea to go with.

Now the dogs get antsy and Louis has to take them for a walk. I swear to GOD!!!! This is one of the funniest moments in the whole series. It’s so simple and stupid but I somehow die laughing every time. The dogs are too much for Louis to handle, so he eventually falls and gets dragged by the dogs. Except Louis becomes an OBVIOUS dummy, which is the point, and it’s hilarious to me.

Look at this. Just LOOK!!! The longer it loops, the funnier it gets. The fact that tiny dogs are dragging him so strongly makes it even better.

When they get back from their walk, Louis puts on The Adventures of Milo and Otis for the dogs to watch.. which is another real life reference. But tell me why all I could think of is the Jonas Brothers episode of Hannah Montana where Miley and Lily disguise themselves as... Milo and Otis... 

Around here is where we really dive into Steve and Donnie’s subplot. Which I actually think has some really strong moments. Both of these characters, especially Donnie, are so underrated. The two find the shambles of an old birdhouse dubbed “Feather-Feather Land” that they started building when Donnie was little, but never finished. They decide to start working on it again and end up completely butting heads about everything all day. Donnie thinks he’s reading the instructions for the birdhouse, but he’s actually reading the instructions for the garage door opener.. which is great. (“Didn’t you find it odd that a birdhouse would have a remote control?!”) They continue to pettily argue over every little thing. One of my favorite moments is when Donnie yells at Steve “You’re making me nervous hovering over me like that!!” To which Steve responds “I’m not hovering… I’m overseeing. At a close distance.” I use this all the time, omg. My other favorite bit is when the mood starts to become less tense and more lighthearted between them. Steve put a “vacancy” sign on the house and Donnie says “What’s with the vacancy sign, Dad? …BIRDS CAN’T READ!” It cracks me up every time. Basically, one thing leads to another and they decide to completely destroy the birdhouse for fun. It’s pretty great.

The sound of destruction coming from the basement causes the dogs to run absolutely wild. This is another montage. It ends with Poopsy completely covered in toilet paper in Ren’s room which I think is super adorable and too cute not to include here.

Louis eventually gets all of the dogs under control conveniently right before all of their owners arrive. This scene is too much. The owners show up one by one to pick up their dogs, and they’re all one-dimensional looking stereotypes??? It’s so ridiculous, lol.

One’s a punk, one’s a hippie, and that last guy is a construction worker you guys! Just in case you couldn’t tell by the fact he’s WEARING HIS HARD HAT LIKE A FASHION STATEMENT.

Louis is all proud of himself once every dog is gone and he’s raked in all the moolah. Except, all the dogs aren’t gone. Mrs. Walters shows up looking for Poopsy. Turns out lil Poopsy is missing in the house somewhere. Louis dramatically puts on a crying act and asks Ren for help with tracking the dog down. Sad violin plays and he starts talking about how Ren was always right… He is a failure. “I’m gonna be in circuses known as The Boy Who Can’t Do Anything. Step right up!! …just don't expect much.” - I love this line sooo much and the way Shia delivers it all fake-sad. Oh my god. This leads us to yet another montage of Louis distracting Mrs. Walters while Ren runs around looking for Poopsy. Obviously, they find him (yes, Poopsy is a boy) and everything’s fine. Yay!

Louis ends up spending his money on a churro machine instead, lol. I never knew what churros were before this show, and Ren’s description of “deep fried dough dipped in sugar” always makes me craaaaave churros. To this day, I still haven’t had one. I never understood how the machine works though. It doesn’t look like the kind of thing that MAKES the churros… rather, just holds them and keeps them hot. So, does Louis make them and then store them in the case??? Who knows.

Another “I ♥ ____” tshirt! That might be one too many, lol. Although, it’s probably meant to highlight Louis’ fickleness. One minute, he loves his dad. The next, he loves dogs. Now? Forget the dogs and the man who gave him life -- churros own his heart. 

So yeah! That’s the episode. This one honestly goes by lightning fast, and I think that’s because of the montages. I’ve always really enjoyed this one, though. From the Poopsy lady, to the Louis dummy, to birds not being able to read vacancy signs... I like it a lot. 

Thanks for reading! :) This review was actually really fun to write, haha. Chime in via Disqus belowww.

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[takenews-blog1]

Matt Damon Under Fire for Controversial Sexual Misconduct Comments

New Post has been published on https://takenews.net/matt-damon-under-fire-for-controversial-sexual-misconduct-comments/

Matt Damon Under Fire for Controversial Sexual Misconduct Comments

UPDATE: Matt Damon‘s ex-girlfriend and Good Will Looking co-star Minnie Driver is sharing her ideas on the actor’s newest feedback.

“God God, SERIOUSLY?” she wrote on Twitter after quoting an article about Damon’s newest interview. “Gosh it is so *fascinating how males with all these opinions about girls’s differentiation between sexual misconduct, assault and rape reveal themselves to be totally tone deaf and consequently, systemically a part of the issue( *profoundly unsurprising).”

————

In Wednesday’s episode of ABC Information’ Popcorn With Peter Travers, Matt Damon shared his views relating to the wave of sexual misconduct allegations in Hollywood—and in doing so, opened himself as much as widespread criticism. As extra individuals come ahead to show their abusers, the actor mentioned, “I believe we’re on this watershed second. I believe it is nice. I believe it is fantastic that ladies are feeling empowered to inform their tales—and it’s very obligatory.”

That being mentioned, Damon argued there’s “a spectrum of habits” to take into accounts. “You understand, there is a distinction between, you already know, patting somebody on the butt and rape or baby molestation, proper?” the Downsizing actor instructed Peter Travers. “Each of these behaviors have to be confronted and eradicated with out query, however they should not be conflated, proper?” Within the case of Al Franken, for instance, he would have “most popular if they’d an Ethics Committee investigation.” However, Damon argued, “We’re so energized to sort of get retribution.”

“We dwell on this tradition of concern and damage, and, you already know, we’ll must appropriate sufficient to sort of go, ‘Wait a minute. None of us got here right here excellent.’ You understand what I imply?”

Damon then cited a number of disgraced public figures to make his level.

Admitting he does not “know all the main points” about Louis C.Ok., who lately apologized for exposing himself to a minimum of 5 girls in skilled settings, Damon mentioned, “I do not do deep dives on this, however I did see his assertion.” (C.Ok. additionally confirmed he had masturbated within the presence of a few of these girls.) Nonetheless, Damon discovered the comic’s response “arresting” and believes he deserves one other likelihood: “When he got here out and mentioned, ‘I did this; I did these items; these girls are all telling the reality,’ I simply keep in mind considering, ‘Nicely, that is the signal of any individual who…nicely, we are able to work with that.'” Damon worries that “the clearer sign to males and to youthful individuals is [to] deny it, as a result of in the event you take duty for what you probably did, your life’s going to get ruined. I imply, look, as I mentioned—all of that habits must be confronted, however there’s a continuum. And on this finish of the continuum the place you could have rape and baby molestation or no matter, you already know, that is jail. Proper? That is what must occur. OK?”

On the opposite aspect of the continuum, the actor mentioned, “We will speak about rehabilitation and every thing else. That is legal habits and it must be handled that method. The opposite stuff is simply sort of shameful and gross…I do not know Louis C.Ok.; I’ve by no means met him. I am a fan of his, however I do not think about he’ll do these issues once more. You understand what I imply?” (After C.Ok. publicly apologized, The Orchard shelved I Love You, Daddy indefinitely, and FX and Netflix reduce ties with him altogether.) “I think about the worth he is paid at this level is so past something that he…” Damon mentioned. “I simply suppose we now have to begin delineating between what these behaviors are.”

Franken, in the meantime, made a “horrible joke” when he was photographed groping Leeann Tweeden in 2006, Damon argued. “It is not humorous. It is flawed and he should not have carried out that.”

Damon then introduced up Harvey Weinstein, whom a number of girls have accused of sexual assault and rape; the producer’s legal professionals strongly deny each allegation of nonconsensual intercourse.

(“Mr. Weinstein has by no means at any time dedicated an act of sexual assault, and it’s flawed and irresponsible to conflate claims of impolitic habits or consensual sexual contact later regretted, with an unfaithful declare of legal conduct,” Weinstein’s attorneys lately instructed E! Information in a press release. “There’s a extensive canyon between mere allegation and fact, and we’re assured that any sober calculation of the details will show no authorized wrongdoing occurred.”)

Relating to the handfuls of allegations made towards Weinstein, Damon mentioned, “There are not any footage of that. He knew he was as much as no good. There isn’t any witnesses. There isn’t any footage. There isn’t any braggadocio. So, [C.K., Franken and Weinstein] do not belong in the identical class.”

As for Weinstein, he mentioned, “Lots of people mentioned, ‘Nicely, Harvey—all people knew.’ As you had been saying, that is not true. Everyone knew what sort of man he was within the sense that in the event you took a gathering with him, you knew he was powerful and he was a bully, and that was his status. And he loved that status, as a result of he was making one of the best motion pictures on the market.” Relating to rape claims, he mentioned, “No person who made motion pictures for him knew…Any human being would’ve put a cease to that, regardless of who he was. They’d’ve mentioned completely no. You understand what I imply?”

Although he is labored with Weinstein a number of occasions, Damon mentioned he tried to maintain his distance. “I knew I would not need him married to anybody near me. However that was the extent of what we knew, you already know? So, that wasn’t a shock to anyone,” he mentioned. “Whenever you hear ‘Harvey this, Harvey that‘—I imply, take a look at the man! After all he is a womanizer. I do not hang around with him.”

As extra individuals share their tales of sexual assault and harassment, Damon mentioned, “I believe the day of the confidentiality agreements is over. I believe it is simply utterly over. Ten years in the past, you made a declare towards me and I had a giant film popping out, OK? I’ve $100 million, or I’ve a film that’s personally necessary to me popping out, and near the discharge of that movie, you say, ‘Matt Damon grabbed my butt and caught his tongue down my throat.’ We’d then go to mediation and arrange a settlement. I might go, ‘I do not need this on the market. Peter’s going to exit and discuss to the press and run his mouth, and it is going to be overshadowing the opening of this film. How a lot cash would you like?’ The legal professionals would get collectively, they usually do that cost-benefit evaluation, they usually’d go, ‘Oh, that is what it is value.’ And I take a look at the quantity and go, ‘OK, I will pay it, however you may by no means speak about this once more. You are f–king mendacity about this, however by no means speak about this once more.'” Due to social media, every thing is completely different. “The second a declare is made—in the event you make that very same declare in the present day to me—I’d be scorched earth. I might go, ‘I do not care if it prices $10 million to struggle this in court docket with you for 10 years; you aren’t taking my title from me. You aren’t taking my title and my status from me. I’ve labored too laborious for it. And I earned it. You may’t simply blow me up like that.’ As soon as a declare is made, there’ll now not be settlements. That is my prediction, simply based mostly on what I’ve seen.”

“Is not good factor?” Travers requested, noting many ladies had been unable to share their tales due to nondisclosure agreements. “100%,” Damon replied, including that “each lady who’s coming ahead with considered one of these tales must be listened to and heard.” As Damon talks to extra of his feminine colleagues, he admitted, “I can not consider any of them who do not have a narrative sooner or later of their life, and most of them have a couple of.”

After the interview with Travers aired, The New York Every day Information criticized Damon’s feedback as “tone-deaf,” Vulture argued the actor’s opinions had been “dangerous” and The Telegraph known as it a “car-crash interview.” AV Membership, in the meantime, mentioned the actor’s “response carries the fire-and-brimstone fury of a pleasant man who sees the destruction of his private status as one of many worst issues that would probably befall a Hollywood hopeful.” Because the backlash towards Damon continued to develop, one Twitter person merely wrote, “In 2018, Matt Damon must be cancelled.”

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

What We Learned: Lavish Leafs make more dubious decisions

Maple Leafs GM Lou Lamoriello has made some questionable decision this offseason. (Nathan Denette/CP)

(Hello, this is a feature that will run through the entire season and aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact or stupid opinion about each team. Feel free to complain about it.)

By virtue of having a fairly young roster and what was previously a rebuilding attitude, the league’s richest team entered the summer with a huge amount of cap space to spend.

They were apparently determined to spend a good chunk of it. It’s difficult to understand why.

Next season the Maple Leafs will pay several guys not to play for them: Bought-out Jared Cowen and Tim Gleason (a little more than $2 million), salary-retained Phil Kessel ($1.2 million), LTIR’d-but-effectively-retired Nathan Horton and Joffrey Lupul ($10.55 million that gets buried when the season starts), which they can do because they’re the Maple Leafs and they print money. Most of those obligations — all but Kessel and Horton, a combined $6.5 million — comes off the books for 2018-19 anyway.

Also expiring: the contracts for James van Riemsdyk (whom they would be wise to re-sign), Tyler Bozak, Leo Komarov, Eric Fehr (who will play in the AHL anyway), Dominic Moore and Ben Smith. They will also need to re-sign Willy Nylander, Martin Marincin, Connor Carrick, and a few other RFAs.

And they still haven’t signed Connor Brown for this coming season but it is widely accepted that a trade will take place later in the offseason before they do so (maybe for Tyler Bozak, but also maybe not).

Point is the Leafs now appear to be over the cap by a pretty significant margin, but for all intents and purposes that’s not actually the case. Nonetheless, their offseason expenditures kind of boggle the mind. Just because you have money to spend doesn’t mean you absolutely, positively have to spend it.

The $6.25 million AAV for three years to Patrick Marleau is defensible only insofar as the money doesn’t matter and you have to assume they’re going to find some way to cynically LTIR him, as they have plenty of other guys in the past. They don’t call it Robidas Island for no reason, and if they’re basically spending $18.75 million for one or maybe two seasons of 37-year-old Patrick Marleau I’m not sure I get it, but it’s not my money and the Leafs will make that back no problem regardless of the term of the investment.

Marleau is, of course, not worth $6.25 million any more. His power play production is declining and while he had plenty of goals at even strength last season (20 of ’em), it was because the Sharks shuffled him down the lineup for much of the season. He only played a little more than 17 minutes a night and if the Leafs try to bump that up again, I don’t care how good his linemates are, he’s gonna be in tough. We just don’t have the evidence that he can handle top competition anymore, and attaching him to, say, Auston Matthews’ wing will be an impediment.

We have plenty of evidence, however, that the Leafs — or more specifically, the Leafs’ coaches — don’t really care about this sort of thing. After all, there’s no other way to explain why Zach Hyman played almost 90 percent of his 5-on-5 minutes with Matthews last season despite a clear inability to finish. You shouldn’t play nearly 1,000 minutes at full strength with a 40-goal scorer and come away with only 28 points in 82 games.

How’s this for a stat? Hyman had five points in his last 31 games of the season. Playing with Matthews and Nylander. Over the same stretch, Nylander and Matthews had 26 each. That’s one of those things that seems like it would be almost impossible to do. It seems like it would be impossible for literally any NHLer to play 31 games with those two (especially when they’re scoring at a nearly 70-point pace) and come away with that few points.

Marleau, who even in decline still hit 46 points last season, will be an upgrade, but how much of one? It’s tough to say for sure but Matthews is likely to see his goal production drop at least somewhat because shooting 14-plus percent two seasons in a row isn’t easy and he already bombed in more than three shots a game, which is a hard number to improve upon.

So basically the Leafs are likely planning to slot a definitively middle-six forward onto their top line to move a definitively bottom-six forward off it. Which is an upgrade, but it’s not one you’d prefer to pay $6.25 million for in anything resembling an ideal scenario. Especially because they more recently gave that bottom-six forward $2.25 million of his own — not a big deal in and of itself — but for four years, which seems like it didn’t have to happen.

The problem for the Leafs isn’t necessarily next season, of course. They’ll be better than they were and their core is locked up for a while here. But when you have to re-sign Nylander next summer. And Matthews, Mitch Marner and Jake Gardiner the summer after that. What do you suppose those three cost combined? Plus whatever van Riemsdyk gets. Plus whatever a handful of other roster replacements cost.

The Leafs have just $45 million committed to 13 players after 2017-18. That’s 10 roster spots to fill and maybe like $38 million to spend, and a pretty good crop of prospects from which to draw. Not a bad position to be in. Assuming huge paydays for a few guys still gives you lots of money to play with.

These are upper-class problems, no doubt. When you have good players and plenty of success, you end up paying the price one way or the other. Maybe you hope the cap goes up a little more than it has in recent seasons. Or maybe you think the next two years, before Matthews starts pulling an AAV in the eight figures, is your time to really and truly go for it, then you worry about the rest later.

I think that’s probably a good strategy. Pay through the nose for whatever talent you can get your hands on for the short term, connive to get out of any overly onerous deals you may still have around when the tax man comes, and come out the other side with a top-heavy but strong roster that’s truly competitive in the Eastern Conference as the Penguins and Capitals age.

The near- and medium-term thought process behind devoting $8.5 million to Marleau and Hyman should be a little concerning — and unfortunately in lockstep with the brain functions behind Matt Martin’s dumb, bad contract. However, the Leafs’ finances are set up well enough that even a few perplexing contracts probably aren’t going to sink their long-term ability to compete.

What We Learned

Anaheim Ducks: Dennis Rasmussen is what’s now considered a notable signing even at this point in July. Hmm.

Arizona Coyotes: Rick Tocchet? Okay sure. I have no idea what to make of this team or its direction, so have fun out there.

Boston Bruins: Ah it turns out that Don Sweeney is really smart and good at his job. I was worried that someone in the Boston media would say that he wasn’t, but he is, so we’re all good.

Buffalo Sabres: Justin Bailey has been to five Sabres development camps. Four different coaches and three different GMs have been in charge during that time. And I gotta tell ya: This time it’s definitely different!

Calgary Flames: Flames fans are getting their hopes up about a 22-year-old college UFA signing who dominated a weak league. And that’s never worked out badly for anyone.

Carolina Hurricanes: It’s not about the defense or offense. It’s about getting a goalie who can make stops. Scott Darling will make more than Eddie Lack or Cam Ward. Probably a lot more. I think it’ll all be fine.

Chicago Blackhawks: Well, they better hope not.

Colorado Avalanche: Oh so there will be people coaching this team next season? Big change. Let’s see how it plays out.

Columbus Blue Jackets: This is actually very smart by Columbus. Few are talking about this.

Dallas Stars: Think we see Heiskanen in the NHL next season? I wouldn’t do it!

Detroit Red Wings: This Todd Nelson interview is great.

Edmonton Oilers: Yes, Leon Draisaitl had a lot of points last season. How many 5-on-5 goals do you think came with Connor McDavid on the ice? The correct answer is “all but three of them.” Hmm.

Florida Panthers: Locking up Mark Pysyk is one of the few unequivocally good things the Panthers did this summer. So that’s nice.

Los Angeles Kings: Here’s your Jonathan Quick replacement three years from now.

Minnesota Wild: Luke Kunin was a capital-P Player at Wisconsin. Can he jump right from college to the NHL? I dunno.

Montreal Canadiens: Are the Canadiens better now than they were last year? I don’t think so. So what’s the point of even trying to be?

Nashville Predators: I’m sure it’s extremely up to Dennis K. Morgan whether he’s still the anthem singer for Preds games.

New Jersey Devils: The question is: Does Cory Schneider need fixing or was last season just a one-off fluke made worse by the fact the team was horrendous? Tough to know the answer.

New York Islanders: Oh yeah, the Islanders are still in the market for Matt Duchene. I forgot about that. Fun.

New York Rangers: I mean maybe Boo Nieves is your guy on the fourth line but if he’s not, you can get fourth-liners anywhere.

Ottawa Senators: Thinking about the Erik Karlsson extension is fun because you start by asking how much bigger the AAV is than Connor McDavid’s. So the question is: Will Melnyk pay it?

Philadelphia Flyers: At this point the Flyers are basically like, “Can literally any U-23 defensemen make this roster? Please? We’re begging you. Someone do it.”

Pittsburgh Penguins: Kinda gotta give ’em a pass after two straight Stanley Cups and everything like that but there are a lot of difficult questions about this team for next season and not a lot of good answers.

San Jose Sharks: An “unlikely hero” showed up at Sharks development camp. Let me guess: Jeremy Corbyn.

St. Louis Blues: This is another team that needs young players to make an impact at the NHL level. Tough to know what we should make of the Blues for next season.

Tampa Bay Lightning: The Bolts don’t have a take on removing a Confederate monument from downtown Tampa. Seems like a weird thing to not care about.

Toronto Maple Leafs: Nice boy Timothy Liljegren might end up being one of the big steals of this draft. Teams really held that whole “getting mono” thing against him.

Vancouver Canucks: When was the last time the Canucks developed a top-end defenseman? Are we gonna count Chris Tanev or do we have to go back to Alex Edler?

Vegas Golden Knights: Teemu Pulkkinen has 13 goals and 22 points in 83 career games for three different teams. Is he even an NHLer?

Washington Capitals: Scroll down for an absolute scorcher of an Ovechkin take.

Winnipeg Jets: Haha the Jets might think they solved their goaltending problems. Adorable.

Gold Star Award

Someone sign Jagr please.

Minus of the Weekend

The expansion draft is what ruined free agency, not the borderline-horrible class of free agents.

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Year

User “yzerman” wants to invalidate everything I just wrote.

Aaron Ekblad For Mitch Marner

I’m not saying I don’t love it.

Signoff

Lord Palmerston!

—

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All stats via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

[infinityknight25]

Avengers Illuminati: Oval Office part 5

In a desert like setting with mountains in the background. Iron Man came flying into the picture and landed. The yellow part of his mask opened revealing his face “Hey. I’m Tony Stark, CEO of Stark Industries and probably better known as Iron Man.” He began to walk to the left while he was talking. “In just a few weeks you get to vote for your next president. I’m asking you to look at the options and consider the independents of Charles Xavier and Doctor Stephen Strange. For years they have served this country in many ways and the most recognized one is their service as heroes. Now they want to help reform the country you love so much. A country I love so much. They want to address the many issues plaguing this country. From healthcare and schools to creating jobs for both humans and mutants. If your tired of the same corrupt politicians vote for Xavier/Strange on November 8th 2016.”

“Excellent job Tony.” Said Beast turning toward Stark. All of the cabinet, the eviscereight and as well as Namor, T'Challa, and Black Bolt were present to view the new comercial to promote the campaign. They were all cramed into the living room of Xavier’s school with the students.“Yes Tony it was well done. I do believe it will capture the attention of people who aren’t sure how they want to vote.” Said Professor Xavier.

“We interupt this program for a breaking news report.” said a make voice on the big flat screen tv. “Good afternoon.” said the young newswoman. “In just a moment we will hear from Monica Willams who has been speaking with the supreme court all morning long. About is unclear….. Oh we are ready to go to her now.”

The picture changed to Monica Williams outside of the city hall of St. Louis where the next debate is to be held. “Good afternoon. I’ve been speaking with the supreme court and they all have agreed that this new group. This Eviscereight is a threat to society. These so called heroes are now banned from being present at the next debate. The supreme court has deemed the average security is adequate to handle any problem that may arise at a debate. That being said I will continue to push and fight for the rights of the REAL human beings existence. If I’m elected I will bring back the use of Sentinels to cleanse this world of mutants. ”

One of the teenage students turned off the tv. “Something’s not right here Xavier.” Rhodes said. “Yes but legally they  do if they say they feel unsafe with the presence of the Eviscereight.” Said Matt Murdock gripping his cane. “Hmmm indeed it appears a set back but I feel this means the other parties are threatend and are trying to take steps to throw us off.” Said Xavier thoughtfully.

At that time Stark’s watch beeped with a phone call and Doctor Strange’s cell phone beeped with an email. Stark stepped out of the room. “ I’ve just been banned from the debate as well. Xavier these are odd events. I do believe I will go to my Sanctum Santorum and meditate for a day or two. I will meet you in St. Louis wether or not I’m allowed in the debate.” “Yes an the Eviscereight will be present as well….. Just not on the grounds. Perhaps everyone will stay at the hotel and observe from there. If there is any trouble Kurt and Stephen both have the means to teleport.” Replied Professor Xavier.

“I’m not allowed to bring an iron man suit with me to the debate. The supreme court has said that We pose a threat to others if we have certain "people” and or “equipment” on the site for the debate.“ Tony said looking very aggravated behind his sunglasses. "Chuck. Something ain’t right here and I dont like the fact that they are taking away almost every defense we got. They know you won’t use your powers in this time because your trying to make a point. They have left you wide open and vulnerable.” Wolverine said with his fists clenched. “Yes it does appear so Logan but I know you will be close by and pending the total ban of all of our allies including Black Bolt, T'Challa and Namor we do have some defenses.” Replied Professor Xavier.

“That does sound like a great backup plan but, Charles with the way this election race is going a reaction to someone’s action with the use of our foreign could be spun into starting a war. And we ARE trying to rebuild this country not tear it apart. In short I think it would be best to rely on the Eviscereight and Stephen.” Reed Richards said stretching his head into the conversation. Richards body was at the back of the living room while the others were more toward the front.

“You do have a point Reed and it is noted. So we shall stick with our plan.” said Xavier.  “In time. I suppose we will see what our adversaries from the democratic party has in store for us.” Said Beast

A few days later in St. Louis, the Eviscereight and Doctor Strange were gathered together in a very comfy hotel suite that had a living room section and a bedroom section. They were sitting around the flatscreen tv in the living room section. On the couch was Nightcrawler, Hawkeye, and Tyron Owens. Sitting in a computer chair was A-Bomb. Wolverine was leaning against a wall. James Rhodes, Doctor Strange, and Miles Morales all sat on the floor.

The debate began on the tv with a generic political fan fare type music. “Good evening I am your host Laura Thompson.” Said the female reporter. This time she was wearing a modestly red suit that was very complementing to her. “And I’m your co-host Jameson Carlisle.” said the white haired man in a dark blue suit that was almost black.

“Our candidates will be with us shortly. Jameson it’s been quite the ride through the first debate and the vice president debate. And still Monica Williams is in the lead to become our first woman president. However the independent Charles Xavier is not too far behind in the polls and could become our first mutant president. Billionaire Brian Hartford is still in the race with a close third.” Said Thompson.

“Indeed it is quite unbelievable how close of a race we have for the president of the United State’s, and there has been remarkable scandals along the way. I think the most notable news was what happenend Monday when Monica Williams had the Eviscereight and Vice President candidate Doctor Stephen Strange banned from the debate this evening.” Replied Jameson.

“Yes it has caused quite a lot of talk and it did cause Xavier’s numbers to drop in the polls giving Monica Williams a bit of a better lead but Charles Xavier is still very close behind. Now it’s time for our candidates to come out and begin our second presidential debate.” Said Thompson

Brian Hartford came from the left of the stage wearing a black suit and red tie. Monica Williams appeared from center stage with a triumphant smile and a orange pant suit with a white shirt. Professor Xavier came from the right of the stage in a grey suit. Again he went to the middle to shake the hands of the other candidates and non of them met him.

“ This debate is going to focus on questions from the press and citizens. We will start with a tweeted question from Daryl Davenport who is with free America blog. He asks with all the different candidates that ran for president this why did you decide to run and why do you think your still here? Professor Xavier we will start with you.” Said Thompson.

Xavier rolled to the center of the floor with his microphone. “ Throughout my life. I have witnessed all kinds of corruption and lack of planning as well as organization in the goverment. I am at a position in my life to where I can donate my time to defend my fellow Americans in a different way. I see this as an opportunity to step up and offer my knowledge as well as views to help progress the United States forward to a time where all equal and work together.” The crowd applauded and cheered.

“Mr. Hartford. It’s your chance to answer the question.” Said Jameson Carlisle. “Thank you.” Hartford said coming out to the center of the stage.  “I too ran for president due to all the corruption. I mean look at Monica Williams she whined and cried and got the Eviscereight as well as Doctor Strange banned from tonight’s debate which has only brought attention to herself. With this I have heard that she has BRIBED the supreme court to side with her using money as well as offering different political positions and favors to the Supreme Court justices. Then there is the story of how she played a vital role in the slaughter of one of our intergalactic ambassadors. Ronan the accuser said it would happen and what? Did Monica Williams do anything to save our ambassadors life? No….” “Mr. Hartford you have reached your time limit. We need to move on.” Interjected Laura Thompson. “I’m not finished. She has done nothing but a terrible job as a politician if elected it will be more of the same….” Mr. Hartford I warned you we need to move on if you do it again this debate will become a two person debate. Do you understand?“ "Yes… Sorry and thank you.” Replied Hartford.

“Mrs. Williams. It is your turn.” Said Carlisle. “These two have barely any political experience. Well lets face facts Hartford has none and outside of being a mutant activist Xavier Has none. I have devoted my entire career to the political arena and I think I have made quite a few accomplishments. What have these two done? Hartford has spent his entire life focused on making money for himself. Xavier has sat in his wheelchair playing "shot caller ” like a coach calling out plays to his X-Men. If your mutant powers are so great why don’t you just get out of that chair and walk? You have the power to don’t you?“

Back in the hotel room Wolverine began to pace. "Man that woman needs to shut her mouth.” He said beginning to sound angry. “Yeah she has some real problems bro.” A-Bomb said. “I am not your bro!” Wolverine said turning toward A-Bomb extending the claws on his right hand. “Hey. Hey. Buddy calm down none of us like her.” Responded A-Bomb. Doctor Strange meditating began to levitate. “I feel that the moment we all have in question is drawing nigh. I cannot see what it is but I feel something big on the way.” Said Strange.