#mating with a sasquatch

[ms-scarletwings]

so im being horny and wayching porn and i burst out laughing because the top came and he literally sounds like someone chopped off his finger or some shit it's so fucking extra and i wish i could post it but i can't but its so fucking funny

[dargeereads]

Sasquatch’s Claiming by AC Ruttan

5 stars

That was quite the story! Nothing like a taste of the forbidden, and our Ben cannot stay away. He has good reason, and Bernadette can’t seem to forget him either. The magic swirls around these two, and rules or not rules, they are going to be together! As things are revealed, it all makes perfect sense <3

[sohannabarberaesque]

Two Hair Bear Bunch mating season headcannons for the price of one (amazing value, don't you think?)

Just as the madcap ursine trio is setting up another iteration of Camp Volkswagen for the sake of their orgies, it turns out some specimens of Sasquatch have converged on the campsite, in particular a male displaying a soft erection for some reason and a female desiring sex with the bears (and they play along with such desires).

On occasion, what with soap use strongly discouraged in the freshwater ecosystem because pollution risk (as in toxic algae buildup), expect the trio to have an occasional night between orgies in some motel or campground of more conventional sort because of hot showers as will allow them to shower in such manner as allows them to scrub off parasites such as lice, ticks and fleas, in particular such prone to causing Lyme disease and Rocky Mountain spotted fever.

[lovesickonmybed]

crazy fuckin' phenomenon | 18+

masterlist | info about palestine | donate to gaza

pairing | dbf!joel miller x reader

synopsis | after your dad abandons joel to watch instagram reels in the bathroom, an argument over the remote ends in a new discovery

warnings | excessive use of bigfoot as a plot device, dbf!joel, explicit sexual content, smut, age gap (20s/late 30s), play fighting with sexual tension, wedgies, humiliation, degradation, kink discovery, semi brat tamer!joel, almost getting caught, blue balls

word count | 2030

a/n | this was co-written with one of my favorite people ever but they wish to remain anonymous! this was so so so fun to work on and i think it really shows. i urge you to not buy any of the last of us games, including the remaster as the creator, neil druckmann is a zionist. the second game is based off of the israeli occupation in palestine and you can learn more about that here.

“Joel I swear to fucking god if I have to watch one more episode of Finding Bigfoot, I’m clawing my eyes out.”

There’s only so much bickering between Matt Moneymaker and Ranae Holland that you can take, and apparently, you’ve found your limit. Approximately five minutes. Joel had come over to hang out with your father, they had planned to watch some war movie because they’re fucking old, but, in typical dad fashion, your father had gotten up halfway through to use the bathroom. After 30 minutes, Joel couldn’t wait anymore and switched the TV to Animal Planet so he could watch Finding Bigfoot reruns. That was two hours ago, and you’ve now spent an hour on the couch with Joel, pleading for him to change it. Of course, your TV decides to stop working the one time your dad actually wants to use the living room TV. So, yeah, you can be a little bit of a drama queen.

“If you can drag your old man off ‘a the shitter, we can go back to watchin’ Come and See. Three fuckin’ hours, startin’ to think he pulled an Elvis.”

“Seriously, Joel,” you bellyache, slumping back into the couch. “Dunno why they’re looking for Bigfoot when he’s clearly right fucking here.” You shoot him a glare from across the couch.

“Uh huh,” Joel drones, either not listening or either not giving a fuck while he watches one of the camouflaged hosts do a shitty imitation of a sasquatch mating call.

Well, since he’s distracted…

With the stealth of a super spy, you lunge over Joel’s lap towards the side table, reaching past discarded beer bottles and hunting magazines for the hijacked remote. You snatch it right up, victorious for a few seconds at most.

“Now what in the hell do you think you’re doin’? Gonna put on fuckin’ Euphoria or something?” You don’t have time to come up with a witty response before you’re pinned down to the couch cushions. Joel’s hulking form hangs over you, shoulders broad and his hair messy as he gives you a smug look. Cursing the cavewoman part of you that gets butterflies in your stomach from how easily he overpowers you, you writhe underneath him.

“Joel what the fuck? Get off me you old fuck!” You groan, grunting in frustration as you try to maneuver Joel off of you. You’re weak as shit but you remember something from the self defense class you took in high school. You knee Joel in the chest, causing him to fall back, giving you a chance to roll off the couch and onto your knees. You look back as he coughs and gasps, trying to catch his breath. 

“Oh you little shit!” Joel groans, getting off the couch and looming over you like a killer in a slasher fic. He smirks down at you, tilting his head to the side like Micheal Myers.

You feel your heart start to race and your cunt start to pulse. You turn back and start to crawl away but Joel leans down and grabs your ankle, pulling you back to him. You definitely feel like you’re in a slasher film now. 

“Oh sweetheart, you’re not gettin’ away that easily…needa stop acting like such a little brat. Your daddy was never that good at discipline.”

You don’t know what you’re expecting. But Joel’s warm hands sneaking down the waistband of your denim cutoffs is not it. You cry out as his fingers loop around your purple thong, drawing it midway up your back. Pain sears up your ass, and much more dangerous, pleasure tingles in your cunt when the front of your thong slips between your folds. Kicking your legs, you smack your palm into the carpet underneath you. “Joel!” you gasp out in surprise.

Maddeningly, Joel chuckles at your struggle underneath him. He shifts to straddle your upper thighs, weighing you down even more. “What, ain’t ever had a wedgie before?” Another sharp tug makes your head drop to the floor. You fight not to give into your body’s base desire to arch your back. “With how often you run your mouth, I’m surprised your friends never ran you up the flagpole in the schoolyard.”

You scrunch your fingers in the fiber of the carpet, trying to anchor yourself to anything other than the searing pain in your ass and cunt. It doesn’t work. You can’t focus on anything but this cruel and unusual punishment. Your dad’s best friend, wedgieing you into obedience.

Somehow, he pulls even harder. All of that contracting work isn’t for nothing. You’re silently moaning now, mouth open and your forehead dipped to the floor, desperate pants flying in and out of your mouth. “Hmmm,” he hums. “Wonder if I could get these over your head. Bet you’d have an easier time watchin’ my show with that.”

“Please,” you rasp. Your brain wants you to beg for him to let you go. Your cunt wants you to beg for him to be meaner. To go all the way and snap them over your head, leaving you ass up and face down, split in half for his enjoyment. You short circuit before you can get any further into the plea, because he’s pulling your panties even higher in brutal bursts.

“Begging ain’t gonna help, honey. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.”

The waistband gets halfway up your neck before Joel gives up. The tension in your body lessons as you melt into the floor. “You ain’t off the hook yet, missy,” Joel says, smirk evident in his voice.

He guides your arms through the leg holes of your panties, and you moan helplessly as he snaps them over your shoulders, leaving you in the equivalent of a wedgie bodysuit. You feel like you’re being split in half.

You can’t help it. You roll your hips, grinding into your panties and the floor. The pressure is everywhere and it’s perfect. Perfect against your burning asshole, your leaking cunt, and your throbbing clit. Every movement also propels you up against Joel, something you can’t even bring yourself to remember right now. You’re wet – unbelievably fucking wet. “What the hell are you doing to me?” you whine, still humping the floor as heat blossoms in your core.

Joel stiffens above you. “Are you…” He clears his throat, a rough noise. “Are you fuckin’ into this?”

The question alone makes you whimper.

Every rock of your hips has the wedgie slicing deeper, pulling you apart piece by piece from your most sensitive place. You arch your back properly, that way every time you go up, you can feel Joel’s bulge against your rear. Joel’s quickly hardening bulge as he watches you lose all of your dignity while humping the floor with your panties rammed up your ass.

“Shut the fuck up, Joel! I’m not into this…I just-” He cuts you off by flicking the string of your thong. Tellingly, you moan out.

“Just what? Just get off on getting split in half by your fuckin’ panties?”

You try to speak but he shoves you forward, pressing your face against the carpet and pinning you down, “Just shut your mouth, don’t want your daddy findin’ ya like this do ya? God, just imagine what he’d say…. Seein’ his precious ‘lil girl gettin’ all wet from a well-deserved wedgie up these plump fuckin’ cheeks.” His hand glides down between your ass cheeks and slaps against your denim-covered bottom. You jolt, moaning where he’s pressing your face into the carpet. You’ll be surprised if your drool isn’t soaking it.

“Joooooel,” you pout, still fighting underneath him. You kick your feet, and they barely graze the small of Joel’s back, a sort of flexibility you can’t afford very much of right now. “Can’t… can’t take much more. Hurts.”

“I’ll tell you what you can take, you little brat. You’re lucky you’re not hangin’ up by these,” Joel grabs the waistband of your light wash denim shorts, using it to lift you up off the floor while you grasp at the carpet in a poor attempt to stay on the ground. 

It doesn’t work. Joel hauls you up, grabbing the front and back of your wedgie. You can’t stop yourself from moaning again, dimly away that your dad is still in the bathroom and still could walk out at any given time. You hope Joel’s good ear can hear if the toilet flushes, because you can’t hear a damn thing over your own pulse rocketing in your ears.

He yanks the back of your thong, and then the front, effectively flossing your ass crack and cunt. Your hands fly down to your thighs, but it’s not like you can do anything, because the next thing Joel does is lift you fully off the ground. You cry out, hastily clamping a hand over your mouth, and decide three things back to back to back.

One – fuck Joel Miller.

Two – fuck Joel Miller.

Three – you might actually really like this.

The third one you realize when you look down to see your arousal seeping through the denim. The humiliation stings on your cheeks with a sort of heat you’ve never felt in your life. He bounces you in the damn thing, pulling you up and down with a strength you’d never fathomed he could have.

You can’t stop yourself from grinding down when he brings you up, pulling your panties even deeper into your ass and cunt. You whine and grab at Joel’s forearm for purchase, nearly fucking yourself against the thin fabric that’s cutting you in half. Joel’s satisfaction at it all, the way you can feel him getting sadistically hard behind you from your cocktail of pain and pleasure, is what truly makes it for you. You buck against your panties even harder, letting out a truly ragged moan when it brushes your clit just right.

“You’re taking this so good, ain’t even cryin’ or nothin’. Should I hang you up? Get your eyes just as wet as your cunt? Could you even take it, or are you gonna cream your pretty little panties before I even get you on a hook?”

The answer is yes – you are going to cream your panties before he gets you on a hook.

Your orgasm rips through you violently, lighting you on fire as you hang in suspension and just take it. Ass burning and your cunt dripping like Niagara Falls, you clench and grind on your panties as desperately as you can to prolong your orgasm. Your eyes water, heart beating out of control. Joel’s hand cups your mound, heel rubbing against where your clit pulses. You’re still tremoring by the time you come down. Everything feels like it’s in technicolor, easily marking the most powerful orgasm of your life.

You realize Joel has deposited you back on the ground. It’s a miracle you’re even standing at all with how limp-boned you are. Chest rising and falling, you stumble back around to face Joel, whose cock is straining against his jeans. You’re about to put him out of his misery, not even taking the time to pick your wedgie as your hand flies towards his belt when you hear it –

Wooooooooshgluglgulglug.

You take your wedgie out like you’re racing to get rid of a ticking time bomb, frantically yanking it down your shoulders and tucking the strings into your waistband. Still burning up from your orgasm, blatantly freshly fucked, you give Joel a half-apologetic look (he had given you a hellish wedgie, after all) and scamper upstairs.

You barely acknowledge your dad as you brush past him. “Hey sweetie, goin’ back up?”

“Mhm,” you get out, almost tripping up the stairs.

“Hm, wonder what’s wrong with her,” you hear your dad reflect to Joel.

“No idea,” Joel says.

You’re about to close your door when you hear more commentary from downstairs. Your dad’s voice. “Woah there, man. Got a thing for bigfoot?”

Your eyebrows shoot to your goddamn hairline as your heartbeat spikes and your brain fills in the gaps.

“Fear boners, crazy fuckin’ phenomenon,” Joel says, just as casual as ever. Yeah. Crazy fucking phenomenon is right.

[sohannabarberaesque]

It appears as though a female Sasquatch has made its presence known to the Secret Surf and Dive Spot of the Hair Bear Bunch, and it perhaps desires--I assume you know what I mean.

[brw]

🔥

Sasquatch and Bruce Banner might be accidental soul mates. This is mostly a joke but them sharing the same Gamma signature that allowed her to enter Hell to collect the Hulks does make my brain perk up.

Not even necessarily in a romantic sense. Random guy you vaguely know from college who tried to copy the experiment that made your life worse has transitioned and also inexplicably has the same mark on her soul that you do, so you can track one another if you focus on finding the mirror image of yourself. But you don't know her very well and also once she tossed you like potatoes forcibly trying to get you to Hulk out. Very funny concept to me. Soulmates but it isn't a particularly useful relationship to have.

Send me 🔥 for an unpopular opinion

[dylanakamura]

“Wadiyatalkinabeet” - A Meta Analysis of The Big Lez Show

Spoilers if you haven’t seen this amazing show. It’s fairly short and all on youtube so please do yourself a favor and watch it!!!

The Big Lez Show handles the 4th wall in really interesting ways. Even as early as Season 1 characters will reference the episode or show they are in as a passing joke and nobody will bat an eye. This all ties into the fact that the entire show can be seen as a show within a show, with Clarence Claymore as the director and creator and all the characters as actors. This gives Clarence’s role in the story as this immortal tortured soul such an interesting touch. The fact that Clarence created the Choomahs, these Homer Simpson like killing machines also plays into Lez’s own self determinism. The fact that Choomahs look like Homer Simpson and always attack Lez and his friends is symbolic of the formulaic nature of adult animation and how it totally kills any depth characters have. Lez’s own hatred for Norton can be viewed as manufactured by his father and the show as a whole, and Lez needs to break through that hatred to find his own happiness. After Lez’s sacrifice in the end of the story, the Choomahs show that they’ve grown intelligence and want to end the conflict, showing our cast has been freed from the cycle of stagnation and continued senseless combat.

Before I get into the next section I want to get into the cosmology of Big Lez, so I’ll need to talk about Sassy the Sasquatch. Sassy is essentially the universe itself, he houses infinite universes with himself. The Sassy we see in the show is only an observer sent to experience the many worlds and return to the larger universal Sassy. These infinite worlds mean that the multiple sorts of meta ideas at play, seemingly messy, can all coexist in the same way a multiverse does.

In the finale to Season 3, Choomah Island, Lez smokes a joint Sassy gave him and enters a sort of world beyond earth and meets the universal Sassy. Sassy opens Lez’s eyes to the fact that he lives within the box of a digital art software. His whole life has been drawn and created by someone else, every second of it. But with this realization Lez can take his life into his own hands. With the help of Sassy he breaks down his wants in life to, at its core, a desire to be happy. Lez doesn;t know how to achieve this but Sassy simply tells him “What’s the first thing everyone does before they start their day? They wake up.” That really is the heart of why I love these instances of meta cosmological mumbo jumbo.

All of these lenses you can view The Big Lez Show through are forms of escapism. Even in Sassy the Sasquatch spinoff we see how Sassy got lost in Lez’s world choosing to stay there instead of exploring the multiverse, but through exploring a reality where all of the show was the dream of Big Jez, Sassy is able to escape a self made time loop and return to his purpose . We can find millions of billions of external excuses for our bad habits and choose to ignore the root of our problems, and even the root of our desires. “Aren’t we all chasin’ the light mate? Lookin’ everywhere to find it. Everywhere but within.” These external forces far higher than ourselves can redefine our lives and make us get lost in our own heads when deep down the answers we need are within ourselves. Ironically once we wake up, our dreams are within reach.

[blubushie]

any bush stories you’d be interested in sharing?? Definitely not taking notes and using those said notes to help me better write sniper cough cough,, also genuinely interested!! Grew up in north-west wilderness and whatnot, would love to hear about what it’s like down in Australia!

I am genuinely honoured you're using me as inspiration! Here's some stories from Australia:

I've seen UFOs and other unexplainable lights multiple times.

Once when I was out in the bush I had a yahoo (basically Australian sasquatch) walk up to my camp. Scared me shitless, I screamed like a little girl, and then I threw the yam I was eating at him. He picked it up and walked off back into the bush. That happened almost three years ago and I'm not sure if my meat had gone bad and I was hallucinating but I told my Aboriginal mate about it and he just said I'm lucky the fucker didn't eat me because "They don't care for white fellas much."

Heard singing voices in an abandoned gold mine I was exploring like a dumb cunt. I ran out screaming when I heard a loud bang deeper in the mine.

Saw a bloke watching me from a window at Gwalia, which is an abandoned town with no residents (they all moved to nearby Leonora when the gold mine in Gwalia ran dry). I entered the home and no one was in there. Scared me shitless.

Once while camping near Uluru I had a young Aboriginal bloke (couldn't have been older than 16) walk up to me wearing nothing but a fucking loincloth in 4c weather. Keep in mind Uluru is fucking flat, there's no way this kid could have snuck up on me from 5 clicks away without me seeing him in the middle of the fucking night. He said he was from Anapala in South Aus (it hasn't been called Anapala since the 1970s when it was renamed Pukatja) and he had a Pitjantjatjara accent. He also had ritual scars on his arms which suggested he was a little older than he said he was. He said he hadn't eaten in a few days so I shared my rabbit with him. I let him sleep in my swag and when I woke up in the morning he was gone. No tracks, nothing. Disappeared into thin air. Absolutely convinced I met a fucking ghost.

Thought I was going to be eaten by a dropbear once. It was a flying fox. Still feel like an idiot for that one.

Found the tracks of a large cat (puma-sized, as wide as my palm) alongside a streambed in the Blue Mountains west of Sydney. They were fresh tracks since it rained a day earlier. I felt like I was being watched and got the fuck out of there.

I was chased 10km through Boulia by the Min Min Lights. I'm driving down the highway and there's these fucking lights behind me, I floor it because I think it's the cops, they keep following, Matilda's engine starts smoking so I pull over because I'm not going to blow my van's engine. Finally I pull over and the lights are just hovering about three metres off the ground, these fiery orbs. Scared me half to death and I got back in Matilda and kept driving. Eventually the lights just fizzled out and disappeared. I've only been back to Boulia once and I was on guard the entire time.

Once was surrounded by a pack of dingos (4-5 individuals) for an entire night. I had my rifle across my lap and my knife ready. Didn't get a wink of sleep. It's terrifying when you're the prey for once.

Had to bandage my arm with the rag I use for wiping down my rifle because a blackheaded python slithered into my engine in WA and snapped onto my arm when I tried lugging it out in the morning. I've since gotten a new rag for the rifle.

Woke up one morning to Misty going off like a frog in a sock. Turns out I had a bandy-bandy in me fucking swag. That was fun trying to get it out (bandy-bandys are elapids related to cobras, but their small fangs and low venom output means they're one of Australia's least deadly venomous snakes).

Stepped on an eastern brown while hunting in QLD. Leather boots saved me life. The fact I don't take Misty with me when I hunt saved hers.

Back in January I fell out of a tree while hunting, landing on my back, and pissed blood for a week. Figured I'd either be fine or lose a kidney. Honestly I've fallen out of trees more times than I can count. Eucalyptus doesn't hold weight very well.

Two years or so ago I was bitten by a metre-long saltwater crocodile while helping biologists do a survey in Kakadu. I've still got the scars on my left arm from where the cunt grabbed me. Little shit.

Got me foot stomped by a cow while helping a mate muster cattle.

Watched Polly up in Daly Waters kick a cunt once during a pub brawl that made it outside.

Had my hat chewed on by Blackface at that same pub. The hat escaped unscathed.

Once got into a tug-a-war over a pig I shot with a fucking perentie. Took me twenty minutes to trek up to where the pig was and when I got there the fucking perentie had its head buried up to its shoulders in the bloody carcass. The perentie didn't bite me but Lord knows it tried.

Burned my chest when a spent casing ejected and landed in my fucking shirt. I'm left-handed and shoot left-handed. My rifle is impossible to find with a left-handed bolt, so the casings eject across my body instead of away from me, and it landed in my shirt. I now wear undershirts when I work because that shit hurt. Thankfully it didn't leave a scar.

Nicked my wrist on the broadhead of an arrow once by accident.

Before I got my boots I had a piece of razor wire wedge itself into my shoe and slit my ankle open. It got infected, of course. Cleaned it with whisky and spent the next five minutes swearing a blue streak. It healed but I've got a scar.

Stung by a jellyfish on my hand when I was a kid. Did it again on my foot a few years ago. Luckily no scars, just felt like a massive bee sting.

Every time I hit a bump while driving I have some dust come down from the roof from a few years ago when I accidentally left a window cracked during a dust storm.

Was in WA when it snowed in 2021 during the night. Went to bed freezing and woke up to a white blanket.

Was tackled by a kangaroo while hunting once.

Got my name because I was a dumb cunt and went bushwalking and didn't bring enough water. I was dying of dehydration and living off nothing but bugs and my own piss for two days. Finally found a pond of the clearest water you'd ever see. Drank probably 3 litres, refilled my canteens. Had complete ego death and I walked out of the bush as a new person with a new name.

Once in the middle of the night up in Kakadu I was just sitting at my campfire as blokes do, it was foggy as shit, and out of the fog walks the most beautiful horse I've ever seen. This bastard was snow white with the prettiest brown eyes. He walks up to my fire, snorts, sniffs around at my tuckerbag, looks at me, and then just walks off back into the fog. Brumbies are fucking skittish so it was a magical moment.

Had a kookaburra steal a piece of jerky right out of my hand.

Dingos. So many dingos. Once shot a dingo in NSW—terrible shot on my part, I still feel terrible for it. The wind was higher than I would've liked and the bullet ended up too far back so it wasn't an immediate kill. His mates came over to check out the row and I watched through my scope as they started ripping him apart. I put another bullet in him because nothing deserves that. The second shot didn't miss.

Been in more pubfights than I can count. I don't start them.

Stepped on a kangaroo eyeball once by accident. Scrub your boots when you're done hunting because nothing will get the smell of summer-baked kangaroo brains out of your house.

Once killed two roos with one bullet.

CALIFORNIA: When I was eight years old my dad and I were hunting in NorCal and it'd rained the night before. We came across a streambed (keep in mind this was -2c weather) with footprints in it. These footprints were massive, about 40cm from heel to toe and wide as sin. They were accompanied by much smaller footprints about half that length. There's no way in hell someone with 40cm feet would be out there in -6c weather WITH A CHILD walking BAREFOOT through freezing water 8km from the nearest road between the time it rained (which would've washed away any prints) and sunrise. Dad and I found them at sunrise. Both of us are convinced we found fucking bigfoot footprints.

CALIFORNIA: Was stalked by a mountain lion for 1.5km.

[ynneleac]

do you think yetis and sasquatches are like genetically compatible? like if they mated would they actually have children? i think they would but they'd be like most hybrid species and the offspring would be sterile

[swampflix]

Sasquatch Sunset (2024)

There’s something endearingly primal about the dialogue-free cryptid drama Sasquatch Sunset, in which a small family of sasquatches traverse the North American wilderness, searching for more of their kind.  The hairy beasts have nothing on their minds beyond their immediate needs.  Occasionally, they’ll call into the wild a beacon to new potential mates nearby, but for the most part they just…

[dargeereads]

Sasquatch Love Spell by AC Ruttan

5 stars

This story grabbed from the start and didn’t let me go! The world within our world where our characters thrive, it was so easy to visualize. Aoife and Adam had that instant spark, and the heat just grew from there. Meanwhile, a war is coming their way, and we get to meet all sorts of different characters, good and bad, while these two fall in love. Liked it a whole lot and can’t wait for more Sasquatch love <3

[sohannabarberaesque]

On the road to another iteration of Camp Volkswagen with the Hair Bear Bunch during their mating season road trip

HAIR BEAR, trying not to get too obvious about it: Now boys, I assume you still have notions about a possible Sasquatch-type encounter during our lovemaking sessions of the ursine kind ... but as our close kin Scooby-Doo reminds us, Sasquatch is unlikely to exist! SQUARE BEAR, going into aide-memoire mode: What about back at Malibu, and that time a lovesick Sasquatch wandered onto our Secret Surf and Dive Spot, and I couldn't help but mate her so-- HAIR BEAR, thereby reminded: How could I forget such a possibility?

[sheep33hallow]

Wincest Drabble: Meeting again ( Wincest)

He hadn't seen Dean since going off to Stanford. Now, here he was, standing on his brother's porch staring at him through the screen door. 

His brother, who he didn't know, was now his new neighbor. 

His wife, Jess, sent him over there to play nice while she was at work. Saying a family, she met one of the members, had recently moved him, and he offered to change her oil as a sign of good grace. Said the man was charming and handsome. 

Kind of had similar mannerism to Sam, she said. 

Too right on the nose. 

"Dean." His raspy voice said. Tinged with surprise. 

Dean, still beautiful as the day he left, leaned against the doorway. He raised an eyebrow at Sam. "Sammy." His big brother grinned. "You filled out nicely, didn't you?" Dean crossed his arms, looking Sam up and down with appreciation. 

"I–uhh." He was holding a freshly baked pie, Jess made, in his hands. His hold on the pan was tightening at each passing moment. His body felt tense. 

His beautiful Omega brother. 

His first knot popped inside of him. 

"Dean." Was all he could repeat. His higher brain function was acting up. He never thought he'd see Dean again. Their Father caught them one night, and shipped him off to Bobby's who eventually helped him get to school. Dean knew he was accepted into Stanford, and they had plans for Dean to visit before the blow up. 

It was only around five years ago that Omegas got their rights, and didn't need an Alpha's approval anymore on legal documents. Dean stayed with Dad, he assumed. Bobby said he had their Dad's number, but never said anything about Dean having a phone number. 

Now, his brother after seven years, was in front of him. 

Dean opened up his screen door. "Come inside. You're going to break that glassware, you idiot." 

Like an lure, he followed his brother's hand gesturing him inside. 

The door swung shut behind him. Looking around, he saw toddler items, but no toddler. 

Dean brought him into the kitchen. He took the pie from Sam, and gently pushed at his shoulder. "Go sit down Sasquatch." He meant toward the kitchen table, and Sam listened. 

He quietly watched Dean. His brother had moving boxes around his kitchen. One box labeled plates, he opened up and took out two places, and took a knife out of the drawer. "How big you want it?" Said Dean. The side of his body was facing Sam from the counter. 

Sam swallowed. "Any is fine." 

Dean chuckled. "Still like me making decisions for you?" He said in jest. Smiling into himself, he cut two pieces and put them on the plates. 

Sam couldn't deny it. He liked to followed Dean around like a puppy. Lost with no direction, just using his nose to make sure Dean was always in high spirits and pleased. 

He wants to smell Dean now. 

Dean walks over to the table, sitting across from Sam. He put a plate in front of both of them with plastic forks. "Castiel hasn't unloaded everything. Half the kitchen is in his car." 

Sam blinked. "Castiel?" He inquired. 

"I guess you can say my mate, but he's a friend. He's an Alpha who wanted a kid, and asked me to carry it." Dean ate a slice. 

"So it's not yours technically?" 

"Oh, no that brat is mine." He chuckles. "But we did it more as a family thing. He's not very close with his father or siblings." He clears his throat. "We bonded over that aspect." He looks into Sam's eyes. 

"You knew where I was Dean." He gazed back. Not touching his pie. 

Dean waves him off. "Not important. Anyway, we decided to have a kid. Painfully boring sex on both sides. He doesn't have a sexual or romantic bone in his body, but is a great parent to Claire. So boom. Work out, and we can walk around without people knowing the truth." 

________

A.N: Just wanted to post something.

[apelcini]

when i say that i find the idea of bigfoot unlikely im talking about like, the idea that bigfoot is a man-like 8 foot tall ape similar to orangutans and gorillas and other large tropical apes and it’s just living in oregon, possibly with superhuman strength. gigantopithecus is a perfect example of what happens when a large ape is in a climate that’s not warm enough to support the amount of calories it needs to maintain its size- it goes extinct. but i would fucking love for the sasquatch to be real. that would be the coolest thing ever. i would love to eat my hat when it turns out to be a kraken-giant squid situation. i would love for the indigenous stories of the sasquatch to be vindicated, like the discovery of the white sands footprints blasting the idea of clovis first into the stratosphere and validating oral histories that date back further than 12,000 years ago. I’m fascinated by the cerutti mastodon site, and even though that site also contains no conclusive proof of early hominins in north america, i don’t find it implausible that another species of human migrated to north america at the interglacial period prior to the end of the last glacial maximum, found a niche in an ecosystem as humans do, and survived in isolation until homo sapiens crossed over ~20,000 years ago. unlike apes, humans like neanderthals and denisovans would have been able to survive the climate of north america and specifically the pacific northwest. the sasquatch could be one of them that kept their thick hair due to leaving africa before homo sapiens. we still have so little fossils of species like sahelanthropus tchadensis and orrorin tugenensis, and despite living alongside homo sapiens long enough to leave residual genetics in people alive today we still don’t even have enough evidence of denisovans to give them a scientific name, so it’s totally possible that we just haven’t found the necessary proof for the cerutti mastodon and even sasquatch. the only inconsistency here is that human species are highly social and will interact and even mate with other species of humans, so if there really is another human species here then why have they not only not made any contact since before european settlers took over the pnw, but also remained so elusive even in the modern era that there had to be intention behind staying that hidden? in my opinion, indigenous stories of actual interactions with sasquatches seem to make more sense as how it would go if two different species of humans interacted than most of the modern crazy bigfoot stories, and when you add the rapid urbanization of the pnw by colonizers i think the most plausible version of sasquatch existing is that they were driven to extinction by colonization within recorded history. the pnw is really big and there’s a lot of forest the answers could be in, a lot of gaps in our understandings of stuff. but also just because something is historically possible and there’s a lot of stuff we don’t know doesn’t always mean that it actually happened, most of the modern evidence for bigfoot has glaring problems, and as a scientist it’s a slippery slope to start lowering your standards of what’s conclusive proof. and as a scientist i have to say that the way that modern “bigfoot hunters” go about gathering their evidence is more resemblance to ghost hunting than actual archaeology and the whole practice as we know it is totally unreliable pseudoscience and i can’t endorse any of it. i’d love to be proven wrong but you gotta prove it first.

[mothmans-cumrag]

Rewatching The Apple be like

finally! I took a break of about a year but I'm back!

I feel like I'm always saying this but how many people, especially high ranking people does it take for them to go on a mission? because of "strange sensor readings"??

I forgot how hot Bones is, fuck (<- this is also Jim's and Spock's internal monologue whenever they see him, btw)

"Husbandry would be quite efficacious" Spock I had to google that word before I was sure but I think you just proposed

Ah, the garden of Eden was just outside Moscow scene, we've all seen it

So he just used kilometres which I am happy about but before they were talking about the planet having an average of 76° which must mean Fahrenheit. I am confusion

killer flowers over here lol

Scotty fishing for shore leave <3 love him

Pavel using this situation to flirt as if he did't just see a colleague die like two metres in front of him

no matter how often I rewatch it, the explosive rock scene is one of the funniest things ever to me

Spock diving in front of a deadly plant for his boyfriends is the best thing ever to me, sorry not sorry <3<3<3<3<3<3

Oh wow, the transporters don't work, that's something I've never seen before in my life.

Spock calling the hypospray "potion" <3

Jim is so fucking right every time someone jumps in front of someone they could just fucking yell for them to get out of the way. This way it's much more romantic tho so...

These lighting bolts are so... realistic

Three redshirts down, and one of their dads apparently helped Jim get into the academy? But why did the redshirt not get a better job than redshirt if his dad apparently had some sort of influence?

ah, the survivor's guilt mixed with the guilt of being in charge... getting real Hans Kammerlander vibes rn... (google his name and the Manaslu if you don't know what I mean)

"what do you want, Violins?" will now be my answer every time someone comments on my tone of voice

ohhhhh, this was the planet of the Aryans! (not sure if my being German makes it more or less ok for me to say that, but there isn't another word I know for blonde ppl with blue eyes who are conventionally attractive)

Spock just touched this man's chin. With his hand. Is that cheating?

"If you don't get those Warp engine's working you're fired" mate if he doesn't fix them he'll literally die. WHat are you, Hermione?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more

"It makes me uncomfortable" bitch I bet, those things look scratchy as fuck

I like how half of them immediately got rid of these flower things <3 literally me

you tell him Spock! Humans literally are the minority!!!

"stawp fighting!!!! They've got the Enterprise!!!!" Jim I hear you but philosophical arguments are literally my only life source

sex. the word you're looking for is sex.

goddamnit they are all so uncomfortable talking about one of the most natural things in the world, idk if I should be amused or sad for them

awwwww, she calls him Pav!!! they are actually pretty cute

i feel gross watching the natives kiss and idk why

how to kill someone 101

oh really Spock. you telling me James Tiddies out Kirk wants to ignore the prime directive? wow. what a shocker. I am shocked.

Bones stepped on the belt of his tricoder when getting up and for some reason this is endearing to me

This is the third time Spock injured himself this episode and yet he is still capable of more sass than any squatch I know (get it? sasquatch. haha.

Damn, Martha can fight! Oh, and the last redshirt has died

awww hell nah, Scotty lost his job :(

awww hell yea, Scotty got his job back :)

They should give them actual sex ed wtf

the bickering at the end is always my favourite thing <3<3<3<3<3<3 10/10 will watch again (and again and again and again)

[jacksonrose]

text 📱jackson & amber

Jackson: Why do so many Bigfoot hunters try to lure him out with mating calls? Like really, what are they actually planning to do when Sasquatch comes barreling towards them out of the woods with a raging hard on?