#masked hero of the widow and orphan by night

[hastalavistabyebye]

You know the word for "fox" in Spanish ? It's zorro.

Someone put Fox in a black cap and mask. I'm begging. He would have the time of his life too.

[mrmaybank]

Fandom: DC, MCU

Title: Did She Run Away?

Series: Wheres My Love (2/??)

Character(s): Peter Parker, The avengers, Talia Al Ghul, Connor Kent, Jon Kent

Request: No

Genre: Fluff, Angst

TW: None

A/N: Reader used to be superman’s sidekick . When I through New York in here, if y’all didn’t expect this to be a DC, Marvel cross over idk what to say

Key:

(Y/S/N) = Your superhero name

(N/N) = Nickname

(S/W) = signature weapon

Masterlist

December 1st, 2019

Almost two years that’s how long you had been here, in New York city. You were living with your friend Peter Parker and his aunt May. It had hit the news quickly that (Y/S/N) had moved from crime fighting in Gotham, Bludhaven, and Metropolis. To fighting crime in New York city, you hadn’t had a run in with the avengers, the rip off justice league as you called them, or heroes that were affiliated with them yet.

That would change tonight though. Since you decided to suit up about two months into your stay into New York, you had only gone after minor thugs. Which you found patrolling, which you were doing at the moment. When a familiar spider-boy who wore bright red decided you need company.

He swung down landing in front of you, before he could say anything you spoke. “What you want?” You asked.

“I thought you would like some company,” he replied, he stuck out his hand. “Spiderman,” he told you.

You rolled your eyes before taking his hand, “(Y/S/N),” You replied. You two began talking for awhile, getting to each other without revealing anything about your secret identities. You too had moved so you were sitting on the side of building with your legs dangling off the edge.

“So what’s it like working for superman?” He asked.

You shook your head, “I didn’t work for him, sure I was his sidekick but there no power dynamic. I would boss him around sometimes, he would do the same to me. He’s my mentor but he was also so much more then that,” You replied.

He placed a hand on your shoulder, “It must have been hard leaving. I don’t what I would do if I had to leave behind black widow or Iron man,” You gave him a sad smile, and nodded.

“Why’d you leave?” He asked. You froze, you hadn’t told anyone not Peter not May. The only people who knew were the ones back in Gotham and Metropolis. He must have noticed your reaction to the question because he quickly told you, that you didn’t have to tell him.

“No, I’ll tell you. It’s fine,” you replied.

“You sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,”

“It’s fine,” you assured him, you took a deep breathe. “My robin died,” you told him.

He tilted his head much like a confused puppy would, “Huh? Your bird died?” He asked.

You laughed and shook your head, “No, Batman’s sidekicks are called Robins. Mine died, he was killed by the Joker. It was couple of years ago but I never got over it, I spent months reviewing the footage from Batman’s suit from that night,” your voice cracked, “Trying to figure out if someway, somehow he wasn’t dead. But I just found myself watching my baby die, over and over again.

I did it until realized he was gone, that he wasn’t coming back. So I started visiting his grave, telling him everything that he was missing. I thought I was okay, I really did. Then one night I found myself fighting the joker. And were there, at the warehouse or what remained of it.

And he started things and I just remembered how mad, I was,” tears rolled down your face, “Mad that this sick son of a bitch was alive, but my baby bird was dead. Then I just snapped and I almost killed him and I just remember thinking that was I wanted to do it. I want him dead, I was gonna kill. If Nightwing and Orphan hadn’t shown up, I would have killed him,” You looked over at spiderman, “I’m not a murder,” you told him.

He shook his head, “Your not a murder (M/N).”

“How..?”

He removed his masking, revealing that he was Peter. “I figured it out, while you were talking,” the brunette explained.

“Can we go back your apartment?” You asked.

Peter nodded, “let’s go,”

March 2nd, 2020 (There is no COVID)

As the elevator went up heading to the top floor, where currently the Avengers resided, so did your nervous. Peter must have sense this because he placed a hand your shoulder, “Relax, everything is gonna be okay,” he told you.

You scoffed, “Telling people to relax doesn’t really make them relax,” You replied, “Besides this like meeting the Justice League all over again,”

“But it’s the avengers this time,”

You shook your head, “Still. Do you know how bad I embarrassed myself the first time, I met the Justice League?”

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Peter replied.

“It was that bad!” You exclaimed, “I fell into the fucking pool of Justice!” You looked over at Peter and noticed he was trying not to laugh, which earned him a small shove. “Asshole, don’t laugh!”

“I wasn’t laughing at you,” He replied, “Pool of Justice?”

You bit your lip trying to stop yourself from laughing as well because you knew if you laughed, Morpheus would strike you down then and there. “Yeah…the justice league isn’t the best at name things,”

“Then I feel really bad for there children,” Peter laughed.

You shook your head, “Surprisingly there kids have good names, well the ones who didn’t name themselves or had names before they got there,”

“Named themselves? Names before they got there?” Peter asked.

“Well sure the justice league treats there sidekicks and refers to them as there kids but most of them aren’t. Like my buddy Dick, he might be Bruce’s son but Bruce didn’t name him.

Dick’s parents did and so did my parents. And as for naming themselves, sometimes there sidekicks are manmade. Like my brother, Conner. He was made to be a clone of Clark and Lex Luther, he escaped the lab though and he needed clothes. So he stole them from one of the guards and the name on the outfit was Connor,” You explained.

Before Peter could respond the elevator door opened signaling you were on the avengers floor. “You ready?” Peter asked, you nodded. The two of you exited the elevator and walked down a small hallway that took you to living room.

Where a butch of people sat you recognized them all right off the bat. There was Black Widow or Natasha Romanoff, Iron Man or Tony Stark, The god of thunder or Thor, Hawkeye or Clit Barton, Bruce Banner or the Hulk, and Steve Rogers aka Captain America.

They all smiled at you, “You must be (M/N) Kent,” Tony smiled at you.

“I am indeed,” You smiled back.

Natasha patted the space next to her, “come sit down,” she told the two of you. You both did as you were told.

“We’ve heard a lot about you from Peter,” Clit told you.

“Good things, I hope you,” you replied.

“Really good things,” Steve assured you. You spent the next hour or so getting to know them all. It was nice, you laughed a lot this much since Jason died.

“How’d you end up with, Superman and superwomen?” Thor asked.

“My parents dropped me off outside, Superman’s house. Apparently they were work buddies with his Superwomen and they couldn’t take care of me. I was two, they left a note with my name and I haven’t seen them since. But it’s okay because Superman and Superwomen raised me as there kid. There my family,” You explained.

“So why’d you leave, Metropolis and Gotham? If all the family you’ve ever known was there?” Tony asked, “Get tired of the Justice League up your ass?”

You shook your head, “The love of my life died,” you told them. You felt the whole rooms atmosphere change.

“I’m so sorry, what happened? If you don’t mind me asking,” Natasha asked.

“It’s okay,” you replied, “He was murder by the Joker and years later I thought,” You shook your head, “I didn’t think, I knew I was okay. Then I’m back at what remained of the warehouse, he was killed, fighting the Joker and I almost killed him. I was lucky two of my friends were in the area because they pulled me off of him and at that moment I knew I couldn’t stay,” you explained.

“I’m so sorry,” Tony replied, “I wouldn’t know what to do if Pepper died, especially if I found myself fighting the person who did years later,”

“It was hard,” You replied.

“Well, on a happier note,” Bruce spoke up, “we don’t usually summon people to the Avengers tower, you’re aware of that correct?” Bruce asked, you nodded.

“Well were thinking about giving you an opportunity, to work with us. You know this business way better then a lot of us do, and we could use that,” He explained.

You lit up, “Really?”

Bruce nodded, “You could teach a lot of us some things and some of us have been in this game for years.”

“I’ll try my best,” You replied.

“So you in?” Peter asked.

“Of course,” you smiled.

August 23rd, 2021

You sighed as you unlocked the door to your apartment, yes your apartment. You moved out of May’s and Peter’s a couple moths ago. Finally having enough money to buy your own, which you were very happy about. You loved Peter but after a night a patrol all you wanted to do was go to sleep, which was with him that was not so easy.

As you entered the apartment you were quick to realize that the Tv and the light in the living room were on. This set you on alert, you pulled your (S/W) out and slowly made your way to living room. As you got closer you heard a laugh, one you had heard so much that you almost immediately knew who had broken into your apartment.

You rolled your eyes, as your entered the living room. “Con-” you cut yourself off. Curled up, asleep next to Connor on the couch looked like a mini-boy version of Louis Lane who couldn’t have been more then four years old. “Whose that?” You whispered.

“(M/N), meet our younger brother, Jon,” He smiled at you.

You were very skeptical, “Is this another clone?” You asked.

Connor shook his head. “So Clark and Louis…,” you didn’t finish the sentence.

Connor nodded once more, “Yep, they had sex. I wonder how that would work, I always-,” you grimaced and cut your brother off.

“Connor!” You exclaimed, “I don’t wanna think about my mother and father figure having sex!” Your shouting cause Jon to stir next to Connor, immediately opening his eyes.

He blinked a couple times before looking around eyes landing on you. “(M/N)?” He asked. You smiled and nodded, getting down on your knees in front of your baby brother.

“Hello, Honey,” you smiled.

Before Jon could respond Connor spoke up, “You know, Bruce had another kid,” Connor told you.

“Really?” You asked not taking your eyes off of Jon.

“Mhm, he’s an Al Ghul,” This caught you off guard, you turned Connor wide eyed.

“Yep, I know,” Connor replied.

“Holy shit!” You exclaimed.

“Hey! Watch your mouth in front of Jon!” Connor scolded you.

You put your hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry,” you replied.

“You better, do you know how much of a bad mouth Dick, Stephanie, and Tim have?” You watched as Jon visible lit up at those names and quickly looked around.

“Dick?” Jon asked, you shook your head.

“He’s not here buddy,” you turned Connor, “he can’t be more then four, when did Louis have him?” You asked.

“She was three months at the time you left.”

You couldn’t believe it, Clark and Louis probably knew but they didn’t tell you. Hell they didn’t even tell you he was born. You were anger but also hurt, Connor could tell. He could always, he placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’m really sorry (N/N),” he told you.

“How could they not tell me?” You asked.

“I don’t know, maybe they thought you’d come straight home,” Connor suggested, but you both knew it wasn’t true.

“I can’t believe it!” You exclaimed. “I’m just much as there kid your two are,” you gestured to Connor and Jon, “I didn’t know my parents, Clark and Louis were the only I had. How could they not tell me?” You felt tears burn your eyes and at this moment you didn’t care, you let them fall freely.

Connor weakly smiled at you, he moved off the couch and sat down on your right. He took your hand into his, you could tell he was fighting back tears. You two had always been close, doing everything together. So when one broke down, the other was very close to following because you didn’t like seeing each other like that.

You didn’t like seeing each other in pain, or sad, or sick. “(M/N), Clark and Louis aren’t good people. You always looked up to them, so I never wanted to tell you but there not. Heck once Jon’s old enough, and Clark doesn’t need me around to take care of his son. I’m gonna grandma and grandpa, I’m not gonna be welcome at home anymore.

I’m gonna be superboy, he is. Because he was kid Louis and Clark wanted,” You watched as the tears fell down your brother’s face, “Not some clone made of him and his arch enemy, not some random kid left on his door step. He’s gonna be the golden boy, the golden child and were gonna be left behind like we never exist,” Connor told you.

You didn’t wanna believe it but deep down, you knew it was true. There was no avoiding it. “Do you ever wish you lived with Lex, instead of Clark?” You asked.

Connor nodded, “Because he even the small times I see him because I have too. Because as much as Clark and Louis want to deny it i’m his kid too. He treats me better then either of them did, he might be asshole sometimes and supervillain but he’s good dad. You ever wonder, what it would be like if you parents kept you?”

You nodded, “Everyday. I wonder what it would like. If they take me back now, even with how fucked I am,” Connor squeezed your hand.

“You not fucked up,” He told you.

You shook your head, “I am! Connor, I am! I couldn’t take care of myself before Jason died, I can hardly do it now. Hell i tried to kill the Joker. I’m having nightmares about the Lazarus Pit and Jason crawling out of his grave. Even though I know it’s gone, and so is he. I’m fucked Connor,”

He shook his head, as he pulled you into a hug. “I love you so much,” he told you, “Your brother, and trust me your not fucked. Clark, Louis, the

joker, and everyone else is,” you felt an extra pair of arms wrap around you and looked to see Jon.

He smiled at you, “I love you too,” he told you.

You couldn’t help but smile as well, “I love you too, Jon. I love the both of you,” you told them.

“Now I have two awesome brothers!” Jon exclaimed. Your smile grew even wider at that.

February 1st, 2022

You, Peter, and Nat were building away from were the other avengers. There was group of people who had landed on Avengers and tower and Friday classified them as threat. The group of people, they brown robes and on the back of them was a symbol one you had seen before.

You knew it but you couldn’t remember where it was from. You remembered it being from a league of some sort, you watched as leader of the group, a women, looked around and as your eyes laid on her you realized who she was, Talia Al Ghul.

“Shit!” you exclaimed. You moved from the building you were on to the Avengers tower. Nat and Peter’s called your name but you didn’t care, as you cared about was making sure Tony, who blasted was currently pointed at Talia, didn’t do something that would cause a war behind the league and the avengers.

You landed in front of Talia seconds before Tony was about to shoot, “Stop!” You exclaimed.

“Good of you finally show up,” Talia told you, you just rolled your eyes

“(Y/S/N), what are you doing?” Tony asked.

“You can’t hurt her, you’ll start a war behind the league and the avengers and believe me that is the last thing y’all need,” You explained.

“A war?” Steve asked.

“The league is a very power power group,” you turned from your friend toward Talia, “What are you doing here?” You asked.

“Can’t I visit my son’s boyfriend?” She asked.

You cocked your eyebrow at her, “Huh?”

Talia just rolled her eyes, “Jason, my son?”

You couldn’t help but be more confused, “Since when is Jason your son?” You asked.

“Since a couple months ago,” she replied.

“Talia, Jason died. He’s been died for years,” you replied.

Talia just smiled at you, “Oh (M/N), he’s alive,” you froze, “And you know it. You’ve been having dreams of him and the Lazarus Pit,”

You shook your head, “No.” You simply said, “Jason died years ago, The Lazarus pit was destroyed years before that by the Justice League,” You exclaimed.

“Yes, but I rebuilt it. I need someone to take of Damien,” She replied.

“So you brought my boyfriend back to life?!” You screamed.

Talia frowned at you, “I thought you would be happy,”

“Oh i’m thrilled!” You stomped your foot, “So fucking thrilled, do you know how dangerous that is? Talia, sure he can protect Damian but he is gonna have urges cause by Lazarus. He’s gonna be so unbelievably anger at Bruce, the Joker, Dick! Everyone!” You exclaimed. Then you remembered, Damian was in Gotham, “Is he..,” You didn’t finish the sentence, you didn’t have too.

“He is,”

“Talia,“ you whispered.

“I didn’t know,” she replied, “You need to stop before he does,” she told you.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“Your connected to him. You can stop him, you can help him,” Talia replied. One of the assassins whispered something to her and she frowned, “I have to go but you need to stop him.”

Before you could speak they were gone you just stared at where they once were. “(M/N)?” Tony asked.

You turned around and noticed Nat and Peter had now joined the other avengers, “I have to go home, I have to go back to Gotham,” you replied.

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯/Next

[mermaidsirennikita]

I'm not sure if you've already done recs for this before, but do you have any historical recs for older heroine/younger hero like in The Countess by Sophie Jordan (I read it based off your review and enjoyed it!) thanks :D

I can definitely offer some recs (and I'm glad you liked The Countess)!

Try:

The Return of The Duke by Lorraine Heath. The heroine is about 5 years older than the hero here--with the twist that she's his dead father's former mistress. (The hero is very mad and seeking her out because his father was executed for treason and stripped of his title, and he thinks she knows what really happened.) TW for discussions of past serious health issues that led to infertility.

Wake Me Most Wickedly by Felicia Grossman just came out! I think the hero is around 24/25 and the heroine is 30ish. He's a dandy from a wealthy family, she's a petty criminal, and she saves him from a mugging to kick it off. It's a Snow White retelling, great if you want a surly heroine and sunshiney hero.

The Dueling Duchess by Minerva Spencer. This heroine is a sharpshooter in a circus, and she's a few years older than the hero. They had a casual relationship, it ended angrily, and now he wants to like, declare his feelings and get her back. TW for Reign of Terror related trauma.

In Which Winnie Halifax is Utterly Ruined by Alexandra Vasti. I forget exactly how much older Winnie is than Spencer, but she's a few years ahead of him. He finds out she basically made up this husband with his name, but because there's actual documentation they're technically actually married, which is a problem for him.

Joss and The Countess by S.M. LaViolette. Alicia is 39 and Joss is 27; she's twice-widowed and looking for a good time, he's basically her bodyguard as she swans about town... until she realizes that HE could be that good time (he's a former sex worker and immediately knows what she's about lol). TW for discussions of past abuse, SA and otherwise, and stuff that happens off the page.

Melissa and The Vicar by S.M. LaViolette. Melissa is a madame who goes to a small seaside town for her health (she's very stressed and has what's implied to be a stomach ulcer). The hero is the big, virginal town vicar who's like... 25 to her 30ish, I think? TW for discussions of SA and past abuse in general as Melissa was sold into the trade at a very young age.

Waiting for a Scot Like You by Eva Leigh. The hero is a widow in her late forties who's going to attend this scandalous "party". Her bodyguard on her journey is a mid-thirties Scottish ex-soldier.

Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt. Maybe my all-time favorite historical; Winter is a 26-year-old virgin/orphanage... master? He takes care like 30 orphans lol by day, and he fights crime in a mask by night (mostly saving kids). Isabel is a 32-year-old jaded widow. TW for discussions of past miscarriages and infertility.

Suddenly You by Lisa Kleypas has a heroine turning 30 and a hero who's a few years younger than her, but much more inexperienced (she basically pays for a sex worker to rid her of her virginity on her birthday, and the guy who shows up is actually a publisher trying to talk to her because she's a successful author... but he goes with it). TW for miscarriage.

[myherorp]

THE QUIRK DATABASE HAS BEEN UPDATED !

incoming information on villain, echo.

get to know them !

faceclaim: byun baekhyun

name: park sejun

villain name: echo

gender & pronouns: cis male, he/him

age: 26

association: the salvation order

occupation: barista @ the red bean on weekdays, host @ seoul host bar on weekends

reputation: enigmatic would be the best term to describe him. his identity outside of echo is undisclosed to the association; face concealed with a mask to ensure anonymity during the villainous heists. quiet but sharp tongued when provoked, he isn’t a force to be reckoned with. albeit his seemingly harmless lean form, the brooding aura he exudes causes people to distance themselves away from him.

the quirk !

quirk name: copy

quirk description: the ability to copy another person’s quirk and utilize it for a short amount of time

abilities:

retains basic knowledge of the quirk from the target for immediate utilization once physical contact has been made and copy quirk takes effect

owns the ability to control the copied quirks, essentially switching them on and off by will

can copy four quirks at maximum during one occasion and swap between them efficiently

weaknesses:

may only be able to use the fundamental abilities of a quirk

unable to use many quirks simultaneously so he has to alternate between them

unable to efficiently use quirks that require storage of energy

unable to copy permanent-mutation quirks or overpowering quirks that may strain his body

each quirk copied will have a twenty-minute time limit before the effect wears off until next physical contact is initiated; time limit will shorten significantly as his stamina depletes

aftereffects (if any) of utilizing copied quirks will take a heavier toll on his body in comparison to the original user’s, as his body is not accustomed to holding such unfamiliar quirks; may even be bedridden if use of quirk has been abused

the history !

triggers:  child abuse, physical torture, brief mentions of violence

park sejun was born under unfortunate circumstances. a child with the misfortune of an amalgamation of black cats and cracked tiles, if you will; a mistake created by a lonely widowed mother with an energy manifestation quirk and god-knows-who of a man she met and “fell in love with” in a bar. thrown into an adoption home only after two years of existing, sejun spent about most of his childhood stacking up chipped paper plates and taunting other orphans until he was old enough to have his quirk manifested. he doesn’t realize it, at first, no one does — only after he’s been riled up after rough housing a particularly aggravating housemate with an explosion quirk does his newfound quirk surface upon the eyes of many. extravagantly, at that, if you count catching a room on fire at the orphanage as anything of significance.

it doesn’t stop there. a troublesome child, was what he was known as best at the orphanage — becoming increasingly stealthier as his wits and intelligence grew with his body, sneaking brushes of his fingers along housemates and sitters to test out their quirks. little crimes were committed with such power bestowed upon him for limited amounts of time — invisibility quirks snatched for stealing, eyesight enhancement quirks replicated for peeping, levitation quirks stolen for sneaking; he’s simultaneously dried out and heightened his stamina while filling in time with experimental practices.

eventually, at fourteen, news of his useful quirk floated around town and he’s successfully adopted by new paternal and maternal figures and thrown into an eccentric, unfamiliarly desolate home. scientists, were what his new mother and father called themselves — and they struck him with a deal: that they would promise to provide him a roof and cash in return for… bodily services. what on earth could that mean, you ask? affection-starved sejun didn’t give a fuck. he risked it all anyway — signed the legal contracts, in hopes of not disappointing his new parents.

he should’ve been smarter.

sejun found himself stuck as a guinea pig for desperate heroes thirsting for a chance of recognition. trapped in a desperate trance of craving parental acceptance, he accepted endless demands from his parents’ patrons — touching strangers and testing countless different quirks to their absolute limits — milked every drop of stamina in hopes of sparking inspiration for those commissioning faceless heroes who need new tricks to win the eyes of the public, but didn’t want to drain their energy or risk their life themselves. he got to school, came back and tortured himself, got bedridden while healed by his caring ‘mother’ with a healing quirk, then woken up to torture himself yet again. the scars disappear, but the tug at his heart lingers heavy and dull. rinse and repeat. it continued. as the years pass and go, sejun slowly snapped himself out of his own demise.

the shady business died eventually. sejun started slacking and the taunts of being a disappointment didn’t affect him as much anymore and progress depleted and their patrons found other more beneficial ways to seek attention for better pay, and his new parents slowly gave up on him. after one mistake that caused grave injury to his parents, he fled to the city of seoul, never to be seen again. the condition of his parents remain unknown to the present day.

it was a tough ride, managing alone: juggling jobs found within the new city by day amongst committing petty crimes to stay alive at night. his hatred towards heroes for taking advantage of him grew and took a toll on his already nihilistic personality. way past adolescence and into adulthood, he grew alone.

he settled. poster after poster of glorified heroes have his teeth grating and fists shaking to the point of no return, but regardless, he settled, blended in with carefully structured smiles and replicated charm. he observed those around him and mimicked what seemed to be a normal personality. he was good at copying. it’s what he was born with, after all.

he found himself solid jobs eventually. contrasting ones, at that.

scouted while caught in the act of thievery nearby the red light district at night, he finds himself being deemed as a useful vessel for the salvation order, whether as a spy or to act as support. he shares their ideals and vows to reveal the dirty tricks of so called heroes who claim to be the saving grace of many.

on the other hand, his charms as a cheerful, friendly barista (a persona conjured up after long observation) at the red bean cafe, had garnered attention of mature business women and gained him a career as a night host  — entertaining patrons at the seoul host bar during the weekends by offering company while drinking for a price.

the personality !

due to his past, sejun’s an empty shell of what he once was. he copies several mannerisms taken from his surroundings to blend in; unyielding charisma to attract those around him and bring them closer, acts of kindness to deceive the oblivious, and flirtatious charm played out cleverly to lower the guards of those initially wary of him. the fact that he looks ridiculously normal makes his job easier; the quirkless-at-first-sight advantage provides him greater leverage in looking harmless under society’s eyes.

the smugness from the versatility of his ability doesn’t leave him; so his outwardly flippant attitude may aggravate others if he isn’t careful with it. tinges of childlike nature may resurface on several occasions due to his upbringing that forced immediate independence at a young age. temperamental when he’s not on guard with his own emotions — vulnerability seeps out in the forms of a developing inferiority complex and an identity crisis that he vehemently denies when cornered.

as a villain, however, his true nature unfolds by itself. due to the unpredictability of quirks he may copy, a good amount of intellect and quick reflexes is needed to utilise these stolen quirks efficiently while the time ticks away. the lack of empathy towards heroes on his part makes it easier for him to avoid reluctance in chances of strike. he’s sly and cunning when need be, but cold indifference is what usually stays as he defies the law to get back at the heroes who used him for their own benefit.

[ruleandruinrpg]

SVETLANA GAVRIKOVA

TWENTY-SIX ❈ HUMAN OPRICHNIK

She was ordinary once, a girl tinged by that soft shade of contentedness that lulls nearly everyone it touches into mediocrity like sirens call sailors to their deaths. She dreamed as all children did, of castles and princes and horses black as night, and like all children, she eventually outgrew her wilder fantasies in favor of tamer, more attainable ones—of stability, of a full stomach, of a life not spent in anticipation of the next loss. Svetlana Gavrikova was the sort of daughter mothers and fathers prayed for—as intelligent as she was beautiful, as strong as she was gentle, and though she was never soft in the way of petals and other things that wilt at the slightest touch, she might’ve been. Given the chance, she might have gone on to live some semblance of the life she’d always dreamed of, one step behind bliss and one step ahead of misery, but something within her wouldn’t rest; her heart beat far too strongly and erratically to ever be satisfied with normalcy, and the reality of it struck her between the eyes one fateful day and knocked something loose within the Gavrikova girl—something cold. Later, they’d say the war had gotten to her, as it tended to do—that it had rendered her as jaded as it had its veterans and its widows, as broken as its grieving and orphaned, and perhaps the world would have been better off if it had. But the war brought out something in Svetlana long-buried, disguised in lace and chiffon and masked as pretty, petty desires: a hunger—for greatness, for power, for infamy, and most of all, for the blood that inevitably preceded it.

She became a soldier at sixteen, torn from her already mourning parents’ grasp with all the carelessness of men who wept not for the deaths of their soldiers, but the wounding of their pride, and her family grieved for her, believing they would never see their beloved daughter again. They were right, as she’d recall some years later, but not in the way they’d imagined; the child they’d raised would be forever lost to them, stolen away not by the cold clutches of death, but the tantalizing embrace of the dark, of the fatal kiss of ambition. She was a walking contradiction even before her comrades took notice, a daydream of a girl with startling blue eyes and fiery red hair who fought like every man’s worst nightmare. They’d seen her as a liability, a lamb of a girl to throw to the wolves and forget, but she wasn’t the soft, weak thing they’d imagined at all. She was ruthless, antagonistic, a sword in her enemy’s side; she was brutal, perhaps the most brutal of them all, and she wouldn’t rest until they knew her, feared her, heard death’s call in the sound of her name—and, some thought, not even then. She shocked her fellow soldiers nearly into a frenzy when she became one of the chosen few, hand-picked by one of the Darkling’s best men to join their ranks, but those who knew her best had the foresight to recognize that she more than belonged among the most dangerous soldiers the First Army had ever seen—that one day, she might best them all, too.

Thus, she traded her ragged First Army garb for oprichnik charcoal and her place in the barracks for quarters in a secluded wing of the Little Palace, where she fought a new fight, one entirely different from the war her family had lost her to, but one worth fighting just the same, and just like the last, it too changed her—led her to become the sort of soldier both otkazat’sya and Grisha feared. She evolved in the worst of ways—learned to draw blood as thoughtlessly as she breathed and came to see the abilities of those she was surrounded by as weakness, rather than strength; she left what was left of her fickle, empty heart at the gates and brought with her only what she couldn’t live without—her blades, her gun, her terrible and reckless savagery. There was no place at the Darkling’s side for the weak, for those more inclined to have mercy than to take action; a man like that left no room for anything short of the cruelty that both builds empires and crumbles them, that renders those who serve it immortal long after their horrible deeds have been done and their ashes scattered on the wind. She wanted more than infamy, more than the satisfaction of entering a room and watching the meeker sort scatter before her eyes; she wanted more than the pride that came with knowing she’d served her country well. There was a war brewing in her sovereign’s eyes and within the walls of the Little Palace, and she wanted nothing more than to go down in history as one of its heroes, or if it so fancied it, its villains—the world could have its pick.

She’s dangerous, this girl of blood and savagery, this red bird in a blizzard—begging to be noticed, demanding to be remembered. She’s dangerous, and it’s taken entirely too long for those around her to see it, but now that they have, it’s a spectacle of sorts, watching a woman that might’ve been an angel descend deeper into hell than even the devil himself would dare. She has evolved into a young woman unrecognizable even to those who raised her, a dreamer turned survivor turned killer. Ravka should rue the day she was plucked from its ranks and given some semblance of power, for ambition never tires, and she’ll see to it that it increases tenfold. She is a rose with thorns abound, a knife between your shoulder blades, the nightmare that wakes you up screaming in your bed. She is chaos incarnate, a beautiful thing with sharp teeth, fearsome and longing, and when darkness reigns at last, she’ll be sitting at its right hand, ready to eat the world raw.

CONNECTIONS

THE DARKLING:  A foolish girl though she might’ve once been, she’s under no illusions now where her sovereign is concerned, not convinced—as so many seem to be—that making a show of one’s power or, for the braver sorts, trying to find one’s way into his bed, will earn a hopeful follower any sort of praise or favor with the second-most powerful man in Ravka. The Darkling notices whoever he pleases and disregards the futile efforts of those he doesn’t, and she’s learned, after several months of serving him, that he’s utterly unimpressed with ordinary acts of savagery, of brutality any mere man is fully capable of. Thus, she’s decided to aim higher—to become, blow by furious blow, a soldier he can neither ignore nor deny. If that makes her a fanatic, so be it. 

GEMMA PAVLOVA: She’d dragged the younger woman back to the Little Palace with every intention of presenting her to her sovereign as a prize of sorts, a trophy to be admired and discarded; though she succeeded in doing so, the interest he’s taken in the girl is utterly wasted on her, and the energy the oprichnik exerted to deliver her to his hand, it seems, was wasted as well, for she’s yet to see an inkling of recognition or praise from him in response. Svetlana is a good soldier, well-capable of following orders and working in the shadows, but she’s loath to let anyone—least of all a newcomer—come between her and the one thing she wants most: power. The sun still rose and set before her, and it’ll do so after her; she’s dispensable, and the guard won’t let her forget it.

FYODOR DRUGOV & ADRIK VAHKROV: They are the children of the dark—chosen by it, not born of it, and it’s made all the difference. They’re every bit as brutal as she, and together, the three of them make a fearsome trio in the eyes of mere mortals and godlings alike. But for all her loyalty, for all her pride in who they are—in what they make up, her ambition is and always will be greater. She would protect them with her life—would fight with them to the death, but she would sacrifice even them for a taste of divinity, a share of the immortality that comes with heralding a new age. Perhaps it will come easily, as infamy never does; perhaps they can all call themselves the kings and queens of the new world order, the empire built on shadows. But she’s never been keen on sharing, and that, she knows, will never change. 

SVETLANA IS PORTRAYED BY LAURA BERLIN & IS TAKEN BY GLORIA.

[nfcomics]

Night Flight Comics—6222 South State Street Latest Arrivals: Wednesday—March 29th 2017

ADAM STRANGE FUTURE QUEST SPECIAL #1 ADAM STRANGE FUTURE QUEST SPECIAL #1 VAR ED AFAR TP ALIENS DEFIANCE #10 ALIENS VS PREDATOR LIFE AND DEATH #4 ALL NEW X-MEN #13 [R] ALL NEW X-MEN #19 ALL STAR BATMAN #8 [R] ALL STAR BATMAN #8 CAMUNCOLI VAR ED [R] ANIMAL NOIR #2 (OF 4) ANIMOSITY #6 ASSIGNMENT #1 (OF 3) CVR C DALTON [R] ATTACK ON TITAN GN VOL 02 [R] AVENGERS #5.1 BACK TO THE FUTURE BIFF TO THE FUTURE #3 (OF 6) BACK TO THE FUTURE BIFF TO THE FUTURE #3 (OF 6) SU VAR BATGIRL ANNUAL #1 BATMAN ANIMATED BATMAN BEYOND AF 3 PACK [R] BLACK HAMMER TP VOL 01 SECRET ORIGINS [R] BLACK WIDOW #12 BOOSTER GOLD FLINTSTONES SPECIAL #1 BOOSTER GOLD FLINTSTONES SPECIAL #1 VAR ED

CAVE CARSON HAS A CYBERNETIC EYE #2, #3 [R] CHAMPIONS #5, #6, #7 (OF 8) [R] CINEMA PURGATORIO #9 CODE PRU CVR CLEAN ROOM #17 COMIC BOOK HISTORY OF COMICS #5 (OF 6) COMIC BOOK HISTORY OF COMICS #5 (OF 6) SUB CONAN THE SLAYER #7 DAREDEVIL #16 [R] DARK HORSE NUMBER ONES TP DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #8 (OF 9) DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #8 (OF 9) JANSON VAR DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #8 (OF 9) ROSSMO VAR DARK KNIGHT III MASTER RACE #8 (OF 9) SIENKIEWICZ DARKNESS VISIBLE #1 [R] DAVE STEVENS ROCKETEER ARTISAN ED TP DIRECT MARKET [R] DC BOMBSHELLS THE FLASH JESSE QUICK STATUE DC COMICS BATMAN & ROBIN ARTFX+ STATUE 2PK DEADLY CLASS #27 CVR B CYPRESS DEADLY CLASS #27 CVR C DEL REY DEADPOOL AND MERCS FOR MONEY #9 DIVINITY III STALINVERSE #4 CVR A PALOSZ DOCTOR WHO 9TH #11 CVR A DIAZ DOCTOR WHO 9TH #11 CVR C SMITH DOOM PATROL DIRECTORS CUT #1 ELFQUEST FINAL QUEST #19 FATALE TP VOL 02 DEVILS BUSINESS [R] GAMORA #1 [R] GARTH ENNIS RED TEAM DOUBLE TAP #8 (OF 9) GHOST RIDER #5 GI JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO #238 GI JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO #238 SUB VAR GRAND PASSION #4 (OF 5) CVR A CASSADAY GREEN LANTERN SPACE GHOST SPECIAL #1 GREEN LANTERN SPACE GHOST SPECIAL #1 VAR ED GFT RED AGENT HUMAN ORDER #5 CVR A RIVEIRO GFT RED AGENT HUMAN ORDER #5 CVR B ATKINS GFT RED AGENT HUMAN ORDER #5 CVR C GREEN GFT RED AGENT HUMAN ORDER #5 CVR D RICHARDSON GFT VAN HELSING VS THE MUMMY OF AMUN RA #3 (OF 5) GUIDE TO MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIV MARVELS DOCTOR STRANGE HADRIANS WALL #2 (OF 8) 2ND PTG HADRIANS WALL #5 HARD CASE CRIME PEEPLAND #5 (OF 5) CVR A CHATZOUDI HARD CASE CRIME PEEPLAND #5 (OF 5) CVR C CONRAD HARLEY QUINN TP VOL 01 DIE LAUGHING (REBIRTH) [R] HARLEYS LITTLE BLACK BOOK #6 HARLEYS LITTLE BLACK BOOK #6 VAR ED HE MAN THUNDERCATS #6 (OF 6) [R] HEATHEN #2 HELLBLAZER TP VOL 01 THE POISON TRUTH (REBIRTH) HELLBOY BPRD LUNCHBOX HENCHGIRL TP HILLBILLY TP VOL 01 HOOKJAW #4 (OF 5) CVR B MANDRAKE IMAGE PLUS #12 (WALKING DEAD HERES NEGAN PT 12) INFAMOUS IRON MAN #6 INHUMANS PRIME #1 INHUMANS PRIME #1 KIRBY 100TH VAR INHUMANS PRIME #1 SOOK VAR INHUMANS PRIME #1 STEGMAN VENOMIZED VAR INHUMANS PRIME #1 TORQUE CONNECTING VAR INSEXTS #9 [R] INVINCIBLE TP VOL 23 IVX #1, #2, #6 (OF 6) [R] IVX #6 (OF 6) MICHAEL CHO VAR [R] JAMES BOND HAMMERHEAD #6 (OF 6) JEM & THE HOLOGRAMS #24 JUGHEAD THE HUNGER ONE SHOT CVR B FRANCAVILLA JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #3 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #3 VAR ED KAMANDI CHALLENGE #3 (OF 12) KAMANDI CHALLENGE #3 (OF 12) VAR ED KISS DEMON #3 (OF 4) CVR B MANDRAKE HOMAGE KISS DEMON #3 (OF 4) CVR D PHOTO LAZARUS #26 LOBSTER JOHNSON PIRATES GHOST #1 MAN-THING #1 (OF 5) [R] MAN-THING #2 (OF 5) MARVEL SELECT BROWN WOLVERINE AF [R] MASK MOBILE ARMORED STRIKE KOMMAND #4 MASK MOBILE ARMORED STRIKE KOMMAND #4 SUB VAR A MASK MOBILE ARMORED STRIKE KOMMAND #4 SUB VAR B MAYDAY #5 (OF 5) MERCY SPARX YEAR ONE #2 (OF 3) CVR B GANUCHEAU MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #3 MONSTERS UNLEASHED #5 (OF 5) SUPERLOG VAR [R] MONSTRESS TP VOL 01—Marjorie Liu & Sana Takeda [R] MOONSHINE #6 CVR A RISSO MOONSHINE #6 CVR B CHIANG MOTHER PANIC #3 [R] NAILBITER TP VOL 03 BLOOD IN THE WATER [R] NAILBITER TP VOL 05 BOUND BY BLOOD [R] NIGHTWING TP VOL 01 BETTER THAN BATMAN (REBIRTH) [R] NINJAK #25 CVR A BODENHEIM OCCUPY AVENGERS #5 OCCUPY AVENGERS #5 SIQUEIRA VENOMIZED VAR ODYSSEY OF THE AMAZONS #3 (OF 6) [R] OLD GUARD #1 2ND PTG OLD GUARD #2 OLD MAN LOGAN #20 ORPHAN BLACK DEVIATIONS #1 (OF 6) ORPHAN BLACK DEVIATIONS #1 (OF 6) MASH-UP VAR OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA #26 POP SOUTH PARK BUTTERS VINYL FIG [R] POP SOUTH PARK IKE BROFLOVSKI VINYL FIG [R] PREVIEWS #343 APR 2017 RED SONJA #3 CVR E RUBI EXC SUB VAR [R] REGGIE AND ME #4 (OF 5) CVR B LOPRESTI REICH #5 (OF 12) RICK & MORTY #24 RICK & MORTY #24 MONSTER VAR ROVER RED CHARLIE TP VOL 01 [R] RUE MORGUE MAGAZINE #175 [R] SAGA TP VOL 05—Brian K. Vaughn [R] SAGA TP VOL 07 SERENITY NO POWER IN THE VERSE #6 (OF 6) MAIN DOS SERENITY NO POWER IN THE VERSE #6 (OF 6) VAR JEANTY SEVEN TO ETERNITY TP VOL 01 [R] SOULFIRE #1 CVR B KIRKHAM [R] SPACE RIDERS GALAXY OF BRUTALITY #1 SPIDER-WOMAN #17 STAR-LORD #5 STAR TREK BOLDLY GO #6 STAR TREK BOLDLY GO #6 SUB VAR STAR TREK GREEN LANTERN VOL 2 #2, #3 [R] STAR-LORD #5 SUICIDE SQUAD BANANA SPLITS SPECIAL #1 SUICIDE SQUAD BANANA SPLITS SPECIAL #1 VAR ED SUPER F*CKERS FOREVER #1 (OF 5) [R] SUPER SONS #2 [R] SUPERMAN SECRET ORIGIN DELUXE HC [R] TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE #103 THANOS #5 THANOS #5 GUILLORY VENOMIZED VAR THREE STOOGES APRIL FOOLS DAY TALKING CVR THUNDERBOLTS #11 TITANS ANNUAL #1 TOTALLY AWESOME HULK #17 [R] TRANSFORMERS LOST LIGHT #4 TRANSFORMERS LOST LIGHT #4 SUB VAR A TRANSFORMERS LOST LIGHT #4 SUB VAR B TRANSFORMERS TILL ALL ARE ONE #8 TRANSFORMERS TILL ALL ARE ONE #8 SUB VAR TRINITY #6 [R] UMBRELLA ACADEMY TP VOL 01 APOCALYPSE SUITE [R] UMBRELLA ACADEMY TP VOL 02 DALLAS [R] UNFOLLOW #17 UNHOLY #3 ONYX ADULT CVR UNHOLY #3 ONYX ADULT EXTREME CVR VAMPBLADE SEASON TWO #1 CVR D MENDOZA RISQUE VELVET DLX ED HC VENOM #3 [R] VISITOR HOW AND WHY HE STAYED #2 (OF 5) WALKING DEAD TP VOL 27 WHISPERER WAR [R] WILD STORM #2 JIM LEE VAR ED [R] WILL EISNER SPIRIT CORPSE MAKERS #2 (OF 5) CVR A F [R] WWE WRESTLEMANIA 2017 SPECIAL #1 MAIN CVR X-FILES (2016) #12 X-FILES (2016) #12 SUB VAR X-MEN PRIME #1 X-MEN PRIME #1 ANKA VENOMIZED VAR

Night Flight Comics—6222 South State State New Arrivals: Wednesday—March 29th 2017

[theworldbeyondtheveil]

DAREDEVIL/PUNISHER DIALOGUES (DAREDEVIL: SEASON 2)

~

(Episode 3: “New York’s Finest”)

"This another one of your missions? That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? How many will this make? I'm guessing you've done this, what ten, maybe 20 times? How long's it been? Six months, a year or your whole life? Something tells me you don't take breaks. You know, no one else has to die. You could stop now. Walk away." "Walk away? Could you do that? Could you walk away?” “What is that, midnight?” “St. Matthew's.” “You a Catholic?” “Once.” “From New York?” “Once.” “You still go to Mass?” “Stop now, Red.” “Stop?” “Stop digging.” “You know, a funny thing about New York few people are actually from here. The ones who are they don't leave. They can't, they, uh they feel like the city's a part of them. You know? Until one day, something changes. Maybe they get older. And then they have to leave, they have to get out. See the world, maybe. Maybe they enlist? Where'd they send you?" "You a shrink, Red? Now, come on, you must be something when you're not wearing the long johns, right?" "I'm just a guy." "Yeah? You ever been to war?" "No." "Yeah then don't talk about it." “I've seen some fights.” “Sure you have.” “Well, I almost had you beat.” “You talk about trading hands on a rooftop, Red. I'm talking about shit, okay? Shit that you ain't been in.” “I know one thing.” “What's that?” “War changes people. Sometimes they see things they can't unsee. Come home to find home's not there anymore. It changed. Or maybe they did.” “Yeah, fair enough.” “I'm just saying, I know it can be hard.” “Do you? You know it can be hard? You run around this city in a pair of little boy's pajamas and a mask. You go home at night, right? Take that mask off, maybe you think... it wasn't you who did those things, maybe it was somebody else. Well, see, soldiers we don't wear masks, yeah? We don't get that privilege." "You know what I think?" "What's that?" "You're still at war." "Oh, for crying out loud. So, you charge by the hour, doc, or what?" "Why am I here?" "Everything you do out there in the streets, Red, it doesn't work. Did you know that?" "Oh, and what you're doing is better?" "What I do, I just do. It's out of necessity." "Come on. You know you're not the only one, right? Who did you lose? Huh? Was it someone you loved? Well, boo-hoo. Let me tell you something, buddy. Everybody's lost someone. Doesn't mean you have to do this." "Well, loss doesn't work the same for everybody, Red." "Yeah, that's right. It's clearly not working for you." "Maybe not. We don't get to pick the things that fix us, Red. Make us whole. Make us feel purpose. My moment of clarity? It came from the strangest of places. What kind of name is The Devil of Hell's Kitchen, anyway? I mean, really?" "I didn't ask for that name." "I'm sorry, I don't see you running from it." "I don't do this to hurt people." "Yeah, so what is that, just a job perk?" "I don't kill anyone." "Is that why you think you're better than me?" "No." "Is that why you think you're a big hero?" "It doesn't matter what I think or what I am. People don't have to die." "Come on, Red. You believe that?" "I believe it's not my call, and it ain't yours either." “Somebody ask you to put on that costume or you take it upon yourself? You know what I think of you, hero? I think you're a half-measure. I think you're a man who can't finish the job. I think that you're a coward. You know the one thing that you just can't see? You know you're one bad day away from being me.”

*

"I'm not a bad guy, Red." "You wanna explain that to the orphans and the widows of the men you killed?" "For Christ's sake, that's what you think? I'm just some crazy asshole going around unloading on whoever I want to?" "Yeah, that's exactly what I think." "That it?" "You think you're anything else?" "I think that the people I kill need killing, that's what I think." "You left men hanging from meat hooks!" "They got off easy, in my opinion." "You shot up a hospital” "Yeah, and nobody got hurt who didn't deserve it." "Oh, yeah. What about you, Frank? What happens the day someone decides you deserve it?" "I'll tell you what, they better not miss." "Come on, you run around this city like it's your damn shooting gallery." "Yeah, what do you do? What do you do? You act like it's a playground. You beat up the bullies with your fists. You throw 'em in jail, everybody calls you a hero, right? And then a month, a week, a day later, they're back on the streets doing the same goddamn thing!" "Yeah, so you just put 'em in the morgue." "You're goddamn right, I do." "You ever doubt yourself, Frank?" "Not even for a second." "Really? Really? You never think for one second, ‘Shit, I just killed a human being’." "That's being pretty generous." "A human being who did a lot of stupid shit, maybe even evil, but had one small piece of goodness in him. Maybe just a scrap, Frank, but something. And then you come along, and that one tiny flicker of light gets snuffed out forever." “I think you’re wrong” “Which part?” “All of it” “I think there’s no good in the filth I put down. That’s what I think” “And how do you know?” "I just know. Look around, Red. This city, it stinks. It's a sewer. It stinks and it smells like shit and I can't get the stink out of my nose. I think that this world, it needs men who are willing to make the hard call. I think you and me are the same!" "That's bullshit, Frank, and you know it!" "Only I do the one thing you can't. You hit'em and they get back up. I hit'em and they stay down! It's permanent. I make sure that they don't make it out on the street again. I take pride in that.” “Let me ask you this.” “What's that?”  “What about hope?” “Oh, fuck.” “Come on, Frank.” “You wanna talk about Santa Claus? You wanna talk about Santa Claus?  “I live in the real world too, and I've seen it.” “Yeah? What have you seen?” “Redemption, Frank.” “Ah, Jesus Christ.” “It's real. And it's possible. The people you murder deserve another chance.” “What, to kill again? Rape again? Is that what you want?” “No, Frank. To try again, Frank. To try. And if you don't get that, there's something broken in you you can't fix, and you really are a nutjob.” “What did you say?” “You're... you're unhinged Frank. You are. You think God made you a one-man firing squad. But you're wrong. There is goodness in people, even in you. And you're gonna have to kill me, 'cause I'm never gonna stop coming for you, until I take you down. You wanna know why?” “Why's that?”  “Because you're insane.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Episode 11: “.380”)

“Get off me! Just couldn't let me have it, could you? You just couldn't let me have it. One second in peace. It was right there. You had to sweep in. You feel good about yourself? Piece of shit.” “Oh, come on, Frank. It wouldn't have been the truth, and you know it. I can't let you start a war for the wrong reasons." "Maybe a war is what I need. Maybe I need that. These people, they took my children from me. They killed my kids! Don't you get that?" "Then do right by them! Help me, work with me to find the man who gave the order." "And then what, Red, we gonna bring them in for justice, is that what we're gonna do? Your way's bullshit, Red, it doesn't work, I need them dead, I need them gone! It's gotta be permanent, it's gotta be finished!" “I-I understand. You're right. My way isn't working. So, maybe just this once. Maybe yeah, your way is what it's gonna take.” “Red, just this once? No. No, no, no, no, no, Red. That's that's not how it works. It's just you cross over to my side of the line you don't get to come back from that. Not ever.”

[rilenerocks]

Merkel Cell Carcinoma slide

Years ago I had a friend who was describing some symptoms that her mother had been experiencing for several weeks. I listened carefully, recognizing that they sounded very similar to those my dad had before being diagnosed with bladder cancer. When she finished talking, I gently and carefully suggested to her that what I heard was sounding a lot like cancer. She looked at me rather nonchalantly and said, “we don’t get cancer in our family.” I was really surprised. She was smart and thoughtful and in a blink just dismissed the most non-discriminating killer on the planet as a possible cause for the nagging problems. Within a year, her mother was dead from her bladder cancer, after putting off appointments over and over because cancer wasn’t part of their history.

Cancer is the original equal opportunity employer. Cancer isn’t sexist. Cancer isn’t racist. Cancer is nondenominational. Cancer doesn’t care what you believe about life or death. Cancer doesn’t care about your looks or your smarts or your interests. Cancer just is. Cancer can fell anyone, no matter your strength or your attitude. Cancer isn’t a fight. At least not a fair one. When people die from cancer, they’re not losers. They haven’t lost their battles. They’ve just been overcome by an elusive, stealthy biological mystery,  that in their cases, had no true known answer to its mutable abilities. Cancer is endlessly surprising. As cognitive beings, we naturally search for answers and reasons for what we can’t understand or what we didn’t expect. Everyone gets to decide what’s best for them. We found our own way through cancer.

Michael knew that skin cancer ran in his family and was vigilant about using sunscreen, seeing his dermatologist every three months and attacking any suspicious spots by excision or medications. My big, strong husband, who was everyone’s hero, was felled anyway. Cancer liked his body and his immune system couldn’t do a thing about it. Cancer started growing and played a 5 year cat and mouse game with my guy. 

  We knew from the initial diagnosis that the likelihood of him surviving his orphan cancer was small. Reading the Merkel Cell website the day of our life-changing phone call was grim. We had an instant flash of recognition-our world was forever changed. 

Both of us, different in so many ways and virtually identical in others, got ready fast, an especially tough trick for Michael who always moved slowly. The big joke between us was him saying, “Would you mind removing your feet from my back?” as I blazed past him. But he knew this was different and that speed was mandatory. We learned everything we could and followed best practices, with multiple medical opinions from the top experts in their field. We had a genetic analysis of his tumor tissue. He tried one treatment after another. I wrote every principal investigator of every clinical trial I found on the Clinicaltrials.gov website. About half of them answered me and they consulted with each other about our case. We realized they were doing their best to brainstorm for a viable solution to this disease. But there wasn’t one. Michael had eighteen rounds of a potent cocktail of chemo drugs. Over 5 years, he had 75 radiation treatments.

For 45 of them he wore a molded facial mask which was then bolted to a table to keep him still while he was blasted with rays. He took shots to support his bones which weaken during treatment. He tried a targeted therapy, aimed at a genetic mutation.  His skin erupted in an astonishing rash that covered his back and torso and eventually elevated his liver enzymes. Just as well, as the drug cost was astonishing and economically prohibitive. 

His tiny skin cancer jumped into his lymphatic system, and over time, showed up in bones all over his body causing an agonizing spinal cord compression. More and more skin lesions popped up on his head, his neck and his groin. We went to Barnes in St. Louis to try to get him in a clinical trial for one of the new immunological drugs. He was rejected, an unconscionable decision that was impossibly hard to absorb. Eventually our local oncologist was so desperate, he applied for the drug pembrolizumab or Keytruda, which was magically approved because of Michael’s terrible prognosis. 

  And suddenly, within less than two weeks, the tumors began to disappear. He was to be a miracle responder, one of the small number who manage to wind up in the success cohort. Within a few months, he was well, normal even. All through the various treatments, he’d had positive responses which gained us months that we used as a compressed retirement. With the prospect of death always threatening in the background, we chose to spend lots of private time together, traveling and making memories which would sustain me. We spent as much time as we could with our family, reveling in the everyday moments, a dinner, lounging in the afternoon on our kids’ back deck, going to movies or just reading in the same room. 

  Suddenly it seemed anything was possible. But after 6 months of treatment, Michael had a profound spike in his liver enzymes. Our doctor felt compelled to stop treatment. I argued vociferously against this as he was taking other medications which could have caused the liver issues. Knowing that his disease could get active at any time, the doctor thought we should do a challenge to see what would happen. The next thing we knew, he was gone, the second oncologist we lost in a few years. So we started over with a new one. 

Each oncologist has a personal perspective and I knew right away that our new doctor was a more cautious individual than the previous one. She was opposed to taking the risk of a challenge and instead recommended continued scanning every three months. The year 2016 was treatment-free and we cautiously continued to make the most of our time. But any moment when Michael was ill, whether with a cold or a dreaded case of shingles, I was alarmed at what I saw as a failure of his immune system. By December of that year, his behavior was getting a bit peculiar. I was frightened and in January, we had two doctor appointments and scans which indicated absence of disease. I couldn’t believe it. Michael was behaving oddly and changing perceptibly. After 45 years together, there are the things you just know. After a scary night less than 4 days after receiving a clean scan, I called the oncologist in the morning to say I was going to get him into the ER for a brain MRI, the one test he’d never had. The doctor said that those tests were hard to get in emergency,  but I was absolutely determined and used all the trust we’d built over the years to get Michael to go with me to the hospital. By the end of the day, we had the test results which showed a brain cancer presentation that could only be likened to meningitis. The doctors said he had central nervous system lymphoma. I knew they were wrong. I fought back because I knew it was Merkel cell which is what it had always been, from his first biopsy to his last. Most people with that metastatic disease just didn’t live long enough for the medical professionals to see what the disease looked like in the brain. An average lifespan following his diagnosis was 4 weeks. Most people go directly to hospice. But Michael had triumphed before. He chose a combination of awful whole brain radiation and Keytruda and managed to survive for 17 weeks. 

After a long hospital stay of 32 days and nights together, we managed to get home. For years, we’d discussed how he wanted to die. First and foremost, of course, he wanted to stay alive. But absent that option, he wanted to die as undiminished as possible, not wasted away to a shell. And he wanted to be in his home, out of a medical venue, in the space where we’d led our lucky life. He sadly wondered if he’d ever have another good day, one in which he could feel okay.

His desires became my mission. With endless encouragement, prodding and the most ingenious protein shakes I could concoct, we stayed at home and for the most part he still looked strong, with good color, not wasted. One lovely April day, we managed to get across the street to our daughter’s home to spend the afternoon, to sit together with our grandchildren and go back to our own house, content with that feeling of normalcy. Our son who was abroad, working on a postdoc, managed to stop his work and get home so he could share the last days of Michael’s life. He died a year ago today, peacefully, quietly and unwillingly, with me beside him, holding his hand.

  I will always wonder about the might-have-beens. There were so many steps in our journey when a small adjustment could have made a difference. I used all of my powers, intellectual, emotional and persuasive to push things outside the box of standard medical care. I learned more about cancer and medicine than I ever dreamed would have been possible for me, always a wordsmith, never a scientist. I don’t know what could’ve happened, if only. All I know is that cancer ultimately presented its final invoice to us, the price being Michael’s life which he lived and loved so well.

This past year has been full of many different experiences for me. I’ve been out in the world and also by myself. A lot. I’m deep inside myself exploring, probing and searching for my own answers, for a way to live that feels right for me. I remain in love with Michael. I expect I always will be. We had a bond that could withstand everything life tossed against it.

One of his favorite movies was The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. He watched it almost any time it appeared on late night tv. The story is one of a widow who occupies the home of a sea captain who’s died, but insists on being in his house with her, as if she’s the invader of his personal space. Of course, this isn’t a perfect metaphor for what happened to us. But I often feel that we will be in our home together, until it’s my turn to be done with whatever lies ahead of me.

I didn’t know I could survive a minute, a week or a whole year without Michael. But here I am, still alive and evidently destined to go forward. So I will, holding him in my heart and feeling the buoyancy of his presence which shows up unexpectedly and fills me with sensations I’m learning to accept as my new normal. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You must do the thing which you think cannot do.” That’s exactly what I’m doing. The magic that Michael and I built helps me. One minute, one week, one year. On I go, on we go. I miss him every day. Almost another full year has passed since I wrote this blog post. I still feel virtually the same as I did back then. I remain in love with Michael and I’m still mystified by the incredible connection that lives on between us, though he’s been dead almost two years. I’m still thinking away. And I’ve learned some things about  cancer and what it can and can’t do. I wanted to share my reflections in the hope that they’ll help someone out there who’s having a similar experience.

First, my interest in the biological underpinnings of cancer has stuck with me. I still read a lot of scientific articles and have taken a number of science classes in the past year. Molecular biology had a big impact on me. I recognize that Michael’s cancer was a remarkably successful organism. That may sound odd, but the truth is, it managed to adapt and survive multiple forms of treatment and roar back stronger time after time. More than ever, I understand the complexity of trying to cure a disease that’s alive and mutating constantly. Knowing that no matter what a person’s attitude and strengths may be, there are some creatures that survive no matter what, changes the way you think about cancer. People who die from cancer aren’t losers and didn’t do anything wrong with their attitudes. They’re just overmatched. Individualized treatment seems to be the only real solution and in American medicine, that’s a heavy lift.

Secondly, for some of us caregivers, the trauma of the illness and death process leaves a state of mind that can only be likened to PTSD. I see the vestiges of all those desperate days in myself. I have sleep issues and still find myself stunned to realize that Michael is really dead. I can roll over in the night and wake myself, worried that I might be disturbing my guy and then remembering he’s gone. I’ve turned into somewhat of a germaphobe. I was so worried all the time about some random infection that might hurt Michael. So I’m always looking at how people sneeze or cough into their hands and touch surfaces, wanting to spray everything with Lysol and carrying Purell everywhere. I wonder if I’ll ever stop doing this neurotic stuff.

But there is the upside. Learning to live in every moment has stuck with me. I’m much better at keeping my perspective and not getting bowled over by the small stuff. I’m more mindful about how I choose to spend my time and with whom. I don’t want to waste any of it. I want to be the best version of myself. I spend time with my family. I spend time trying to take care of my friendships that have proved sustaining and meaningful. I appreciate nature every day. I garden in my attempt to create habitat for lots of animals while donating beauty to my surroundings. I read and I listen to lots of music. I try to learn something new and every day. I’m politically and socially engaged and I share my views and feelings in multiple ways. My life isn’t empty – it’s just less full.

I didn’t know what I’d be like without Michael. After 45 years together, I’m keenly aware that there’s not enough time in my life to ever experience anything that will ever approach the magnitude of what we shared. But I’m making an effort to compile our stories and share them with our children and their children, the ones here and the ones to come. Our saga is rich, and while we will wind up as dust mixed together in our garden, our history will live on. I’m satisfied with that assignment I’ve given myself and it motivates me to work even on the saddest days. I’ve made it through our anniversary this month. Upcoming are my birthday, the anniversary of his death and Michael’s birthday. They’ll be hard but easier than last year. The magical and inexplicable presence I feel with me every day helps. As a pretty grounded, realistic person, I never imagined I could feel such an ethereal companion. But whatever. As Michael frequently said, it is what it is. The good news is I’m finding a way forward that has brought quality to my life. In the end, there is life after cancer robs you. Who knew?

  Cancer’s Final Invoice -Redux. Merkel Cell Carcinoma slide Years ago I had a friend who was describing some symptoms that her mother had been experiencing for several weeks.

[impactcomicscbr]

NEW STUFF FRIDAY 1st SEPTEMBER 2017

New Release Comics & Magazines

ALL NEW CLASSIC ARCHIE YOUR PAL ARCHIE #2 COVER B LES MCLAINE ALL NEW SOULFIRE #6 COVER A CAFARO ALL STAR BATMAN #13 ALL STAR BATMAN #13 ALBUQUERQUE ALTERNATE COVER ALL STAR BATMAN #13 FIUMARA ALTERNATE COVER AMERICA #6 ANGEL SEASON 11 #8 MAIN COVER ANGEL SEASON 11 #8 ALTERNATE HANS COVER ANIMOSITY #9 (MR) BLACK MAGICK #7 COVER A SCOTT (MR) BLACK MAGICK #7 COVER B LARK (MR) BLACK PANTHER #17 BLACK PANTHER #17 VARIANT FERRY ‘MARVEL VS CAPCOM’ COVER BLACK PANTHER #17 VARIANT FRISON CONNECTING COVER A BLACK PANTHER CREW #6 BLACK RACER & SHILO NORMAN SPECIAL #1 BLADE BUNNY VOL 2 #9 BPRD DEVIL YOU KNOW #2 BTVS SEASON 11 #10 MAIN COVER BTVS SEASON 11 #10 ALTERNATE LEVENS COVER CROSSWIND #3 COVER A STAGGS (MR) CROSSWIND #3 COVER B STAGGS (MR) DARKSEID SPECIAL #1 DEADLY CLASS #30 COVER A CRAIG & BOYD (MR) DEADLY CLASS #30 COVER B JOHNSON (MR) DEADPOOL #35 VARIANT KOBLISH SECRET COMICS COVER DEADPOOL #35 Secret Empire DOCTOR STRANGE SORCERERS SUPREME #11 DOCTOR WHO 11TH YEAR THREE #9 COVER A SHEDD DOCTOR WHO 11TH YEAR THREE #9 COVER B PHOTO DOCTOR WHO 11TH YEAR THREE #9 COVER C FUSO DOCTOR WHO LOST DIMENSION ALPHA #1 COVER A TARDIS DOCTOR WHO LOST DIMENSION ALPHA #1 COVER B PHOTO DUNGEONS & DRAGONS FROST GIANTS FURY #5 S/O SUBSCRIPTION COVER FAITH AND THE FUTURE FORCE #2 (OF 4) COVER A DJURDJEVIC FAITH AND THE FUTURE FORCE #2 (OF 4) COVER B PALOSZ GENERATIONS HAWKEYE & HAWKEYE #1 GENERATIONS HAWKEYE & HAWKEYE #1 ALTERNATE TORQUE COVER GHOSTBUSTERS 101 #6 (OF 6) COVER A SCHOENING GHOSTBUSTERS 101 #6 (OF 6) COVER B LATTIE GHOSTBUSTERS 101 #6 (OF 6) COVER C SEARS GI JOE (2016) #8 COVER A CONLEY GI JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO #243 COVER A GALLANT GOLD DIGGER #245 GRIMM FAIRY TALES #8 COVER A ABRERA GRIMM FAIRY TALES #8 COVER B DIAZ GRIMM FAIRY TALES #8 COVER C SALONGA GRIMM FAIRY TALES #8 COVER D OTERO GUARDIANS OF GALAXY TELLTALE SERIES #2 (OF 5) GUARDIANS OF GALAXY TELLTALE SERIES #2 (OF 5) ALTERNATE VIDEO GAME COVER GUMBY #2 GWAR ORGASMAGEDDON #3 (OF 4) COVER A SAWYER (MR) GWAR ORGASMAGEDDON #3 (OF 4) COVER B NEELY (MR) GWAR ORGASMAGEDDON #3 (OF 4) COVER C SCRAPBOOK (MR) HALO RISE OF ATRIOX #1 INFAMOUS IRON MAN #11 JAMES BOND MONEYPENNY ONE SHOT JEAN GREY #6 JIMMYS BASTARDS #3 (MR) JUNGLE FANTASY SURVIVORS #4 (MR) JUSTICE INC FACES OF JUSTICE #2 (OF 4) COVER A MANDRAKE JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #13 JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #13 ALTERNATE COVER LADY KILLER 2 #5 LADY MECHANIKA CLOCKWORK ASSASSIN #2 (OF 3) LADY MECHANIKA CLOCKWORK ASSASSIN #2 (OF 3) VARIANT 1:10 COVER MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #8 Secret Empire MIGHTY CAPTAIN MARVEL #8 VARIANT ‘MARVEL VS CAPCOM’ MIRACULOUS ADVENTURES LADYBUG CAT NOIR #2 COVER A MIRACULOUS ADVENTURES LADYBUG CAT NOIR #2 COVER B MOON GIRL AND DEVIL DINOSAUR #22 OPTIMUS PRIME #10 VARIANT 1:10 COVER OPTIMUS PRIME #10 COVER A ZAMA OPTIMUS PRIME #10 COVER B COLLER OPTIMUS PRIME #10 COVER C GRIFFITH ORPHAN BLACK DEVIATIONS #4 (OF 6) ORPHAN BLACK DEVIATIONS #4 (OF 6) VARIANT 1:10 COVER ORPHAN BLACK DEVIATIONS #4 (OF 6) S/O SUBSCRIPTION COVER PAKLIS #4 (MR) PLANETOID PRAXIS #6 (OF 6) (MR) RAPTURE #4 COVER A SUAYAN RAPTURE #4 COVER B JONES REBELS THESE FREE & INDEPENDENT STATES #6 (OF 8) RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS ANNUAL #1 RINGSIDE #11 (MR) ROBOTECH #2 COVER A ROCHE ROBOTECH #2 COVER B KERSCHL ROBOTECH #2 COVER C ACTION FIGURE ROBOTECH #2 COVER D MILOGIANNIS SAGA #46 (MR) SAVAGE DRAGON #226 (MR) SECRET EMPIRE #10 (OF 10) VARIANT 1:50 JS CAMPBELL COVER SECRET EMPIRE #10 (OF 10) VARIANT 1:10 KIRBY 100 COVER SECRET EMPIRE #10 (OF 10) SECRET EMPIRE #10 (OF 10) VARIANT SHIELD COVER SECRET EMPIRE #10 (OF 10) VARIANT SORRENTINO HYDRA HEROES COVER SPAWN #277 COVER A ALEXANDER SPAWN #277 COVER B B&W ALEXANDER SPIDER-GWEN #23 SPIRIT HUNTERS #10 (OF 12) COVER A TOLIBAO (MR) STAR WARS #35 STAR WARS #35 VARIANT CHRISTOPHER ACTION FIGURE COVER STAR WARS #35 VARIANT REEDER 40TH ANNIVERSARY COVER STAR WARS JEDI REPUBLIC MACE WINDU #1 (OF 5) STAR WARS JEDI REPUBLIC MACE WINDU #1 (OF 5) VARIANT 1:10 HOMAGE COVER STAR WARS JEDI REPUBLIC MACE WINDU #1 (OF 5) VARIANT 1:10 MOVIE COVER STAR WARS JEDI REPUBLIC MACE WINDU #1 (OF 5) VARIANT 1:10 RAHZZAH COVER STRAY BULLETS SUNSHINE & ROSES #27 (MR) SUPERGIRL ANNUAL #1 THANOS #10 THANOS #10 VARIANT LIM ‘MARVEL VS CAPCOM’ COVER TMNT DIMENSION X #5 VARIANT 1:10 COVER TMNT DIMENSION X #5 COVER A PITARRA TMNT DIMENSION X #5 COVER B ROUSSEAU TRUE BELIEVERS KIRBY 100TH ANTMAN & THE WASP #1 TRUE BELIEVERS KIRBY 100TH IRON MAN #1 UNCANNY AVENGERS #26 VAMPIRELLA #6 COVER A TAN VAMPIRELLA #6 COVER B DEL RAY VAMPIRELLA #6 COVER C COSPLAY VAMPIRELLA #6 COVER D BROXTON EXC SUBSCRIPTION WONDER WOMAN #29 WONDER WOMAN #29 ALTERNATE COVER X-FILES (2016) #17 COVER A MENTON3 X-FILES (2016) #17 COVER B PHOTO X-FILES ORIGINS II DOG DAYS OF SUMMER #3 (OF 4) COVER A X-FILES ORIGINS II DOG DAYS OF SUMMER #3 (OF 4) COVER B X-MEN BLUE #10

IMAGE PLUS #1 (WYTCHES THE BAD EGG PT 1) MARVEL PREVIEWS VOL 04 #2 SEPTEMBER 2017 EXTRAS PREVIEWS #348 SEPTEMBER 2017

New Release Books TPBs GNs & Hardcovers (plus merch)

AQUAMAN TP VOL 03 CROWN OF ATLANTIS (REBIRTH) BAD MACHINERY GN VOL 02 POCKET ED BATMAN REBIRTH DLX COLL HC BOOK 01 BATMAN SHADOW OF THE BAT TP VOL 02 BATMAN THE GOLDEN AGE TP VOL 03 BATMAN TP VOL 03 I AM BANE (REBIRTH) BLACK PANTHER WHO IS THE BLACK PANTHER PROSE NOVEL HC BTVS BIG BADS & MONSTERS ADULT COLORING BOOK TP BULLSEYE COLUMBIAN CONNECTION TP CALAMITY JANE HC CHILDREN OF THE FALL GN (MR) COPPERHEAD TP VOL 03 (MR) DEADMAN BY KELLEY JONES COMPLETE COLL TP DEADPOOL VS PUNISHER TP DOCTOR STRANGE/PUNISHER TP MAGIC BULLETS HOLY CORPSE RISING GN VOL 03 JUPITERS LEGACY TP VOL 02 (MR) MAGDALENA REFORMATION TP MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS ADULT COLORING BOOK TP NEW TEEN TITANS OMNIBUS HC VOL 01 NEW EDITION OLD GUARD TP BOOK 01 OPENING FIRE (MR) OTHER SIDE SPECIAL ED HC (MR) PIZZA TREE GN PROVIDENCE LTD HC ACT 03 (MR) SARTRE HC SPIDER-MAN 2099 TP VOL 06 APOCALYPSE SOON SUN BAKERY FRESH COLL TP (MR) THINGS YOU SHOULDNT REMEMBER GN UNSTOPPABLE WASP TP VOL 01 UNSTOPPABLE WATER MEMORY GN VOL 01 WONDER GIRL ADVENTURES OF A TEEN TITAN TP

BOBA COLA T/S LG BOBA COLA T/S MED BOBA COLA T/S XL DC BATMAN BATARANG BRONZE FOLDING MONEY CLIP (FEB17840

Back in Stock Products

Back in Stock Comics and Magazines

2000 AD PACK JUN 2017 ALL NEW GUARDIANS OF GALAXY #8 CROSSWIND #1 (MR) DEATHSTROKE #22 DRAGON AGE KNIGHT ERRANT #4 EDGE OF VENOMVERSE #2 (OF 5) 2ND PTG MATTINA VAR HAUNTED HORROR #29 KILL THE MINOTAUR #3 (MR) MAGNUS #3 COVER A CAMUNCOLI NEIL GAIMAN AMERICAN GODS SHADOWS #6 (MR) NEIL GAIMAN AMERICAN GODS SHADOWS #6 MACK VAR (MR) PINK PANTHER SUPER SPECIAL PINK HIJINKS COVER ROCKSTARS #6 (MR) SCOOBY DOO WHERE ARE YOU #84 STAR TREK TNG MIRROR BROKEN #3 (OF 6) COVER A WOODWARD UNCLE SCROOGE #29 COVER A FRECCERO WAR FOR PLANET OF THE APES #2 (OF 4) WYNONNA EARP SEASON ZERO #2 (OF 5) COVER A EVENHUIS

Back in Stock Books TPBs & Harcovers

ALL NEW X-MEN TP VOL 03 INEVITABLE HELL HATH SO MUCH FURY ARCHIE COMICS SPECTACULAR FOOD FIGHT TP ATOMIC BLONDE THE COLDEST CITY GN BATGIRL TP VOL 01 SILENT KNIGHT BATMAN ARKHAM MISTER FREEZE TP BATMAN ARKHAM POISON IVY TP BATMAN DEATH OF THE FAMILY BOOK & JOKER MASK SET (N52) BATMAN DETECTIVE COMICS TP VOL 04 THE WRATH (N52) BATMAN DETECTIVE COMICS TP VOL 05 GOTHTOPIA (N52) BATMAN DETECTIVE TP VOL 02 VICTIM SYNDICATE (REBIRTH) BATMAN ETERNAL TP VOL 01 (N52) BATMAN MAD LOVE AND OTHER STORIES TP BATMAN REBIRTH DLX COLL HC BOOK 01 BATMAN SUPERMAN TP VOL 03 SECOND CHANCE BEFORE WATCHMEN COMEDIAN RORSCHACH TP BEFORE WATCHMEN NITE OWL DR MANHATTAN TP BITCH PLANET TP VOL 01 EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE (MR) BLACK MAGICK TP VOL 01 AWAKENING PART ONE (MR) BLACK MONDAY MURDERS TP VOL 01 ALL HAIL GOD MAMMON (MR) BLACK SCIENCE TP VOL 01 HOW TO FALL FOREVER (MR) BLACK SCIENCE TP VOL 02 WELCOME NOWHERE BLACK SCIENCE TP VOL 03 VANISHING PATTERN (MR) BLACK WIDOW TP VOL 01 SHIELDS MOST WANTED BLACK WIDOW TP VOL 02 NO MORE SECRETS BLOOD LAD OMNIBUS GN VOL 09 BTOOOM GN VOL 18 (MR) BTVS SEASON 8 LIBRARY HC VOL 02 WOLVES AT GATE BTVS SEASON 9 LIBRARY HC VOL 02 CALLA CTHULHU TP CAPTAIN AMERICA TP VOL 01 MARVEL KNIGHTS CATWOMAN TP VOL 01 THE GAME (N52) CHEW TP VOL 12 (MR) CLEAN ROOM TP VOL 03 WAITING FOR THE STARS (MR) COMPLETE CHI SWEET HOME TP VOL 01 COMPLETE SUICIDERS THE BIG SHAKE TP (MR) CROSSED TP VOL 04 BADLANDS (MR) DC SUPER HERO GIRLS TP VOL 02 HITS AND MYTHS DEADLY CLASS TP VOL 01 REAGAN YOUTH (MR) DEADPOOL BY DANIEL WAY COMPLETE COLL TP VOL 01 DEADPOOL TP VOL 01 SECRET INVASION DEADPOOL WORLDS GREATEST HC VOL 01 DEATHSTROKE BOOK AND MASK SET DESCENDER TP VOL 01 TIN STARS (MR) DOCTOR WHO TP EMPEROR OF DALEKS EAST OF WEST TP VOL 03 THERE IS NO US ECLIPSE TP VOL 01 FLASH TP VOL 02 ROGUES REVOLUTION (N52) FLASH TP VOL 03 GORILLA WARFARE (N52) FLASH TP VOL 03 ROGUES RELOADED (REBIRTH) FLIGHT EXPLORER TP VOL 01 NEW PTG GREEN ARROW TP VOL 03 EMERALD OUTLAW (REBIRTH) HAGANAI I HAVE NO FRIENDS GN VOL 01 HAL JORDAN & THE GLC TP VOL 01 SINESTROS LAW (REBIRTH) HARLEY QUINN NIGHT AND DAY TP HARLEY QUINN TP VOL 02 POWER OUTAGE HARLEY QUINN TP VOL 03 KISS KISS BANG STAB HULK TP PLANET HULK INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US TP VOL 02 INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US YEAR ONE COMPLETE COL TP INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US YEAR THREE TP VOL 01 INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US YEAR THREE TP VOL 02 INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US YEAR TWO COMPLETE COLL TP INVADER ZIM HC VOL 01 JOKER ENDGAME TP JUDGE DREDD COMP CASE FILES TP VOL 19 KAIJUMAX TP SEASON 01 KINGDOM COME 20TH ANNIVERSARY DLX ED HC LADY MECHANIKA TP VOL 01 MYSTERY OF MECHANICAL CORPSE LADY MECHANIKA TP VOL 02 TABLET OF DESTINIES LADY MECHANIKA TP VOL 03 LOST BOYS OF WEST ABBEY LAZARUS TP VOL 03 CONCLAVE (MR) LOCKE & KEY TP VOL 06 ALPHA & OMEGA LOG HORIZON WEST WIND BRIGADE GN VOL 06 MAGICAL GIRL SITE GN VOL 01 (MR) MOCKINGBIRD TP VOL 01 I CAN EXPLAIN MONSTER MUSUME GN VOL 12 (MR) MONSTRESS TP VOL 01 (MR) MONSTRESS TP VOL 01 (MR) NAILBITER TP VOL 01 THERE WILL BE BLOOD (MR) NAMELESS TP (MR) NEMESIS TP (MR) NIGHTWING TP VOL 02 BACK TO BLUDHAVEN (REBIRTH) NOVA HUMAN ROCKET TP VOL 01 BURN OUT OCCUPY AVENGERS TP VOL 01 TAKING BACK JUSTICE PAPER GIRLS TP VOL 01 PATSY WALKER AKA HELLCAT TP VOL 02 DONT STOP ME-OW PLANETOID TP VOL 01 RAT QUEENS TP VOL 01 SASS & SORCERY (MR) RUNAWAYS COMPLETE COLLECTION TP VOL 01 SAGA TP VOL 01 (MR) SAGA TP VOL 02 (MR) SAGA TP VOL 04 (MR) SAGA TP VOL 05 (MR) SAGA TP VOL 06 (MR) SAGA TP VOL 07 (MR) SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN TP VOL 01 SERVAMP GN VOL 10 SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 01 (MR) SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 02 TWO WORLDS ONE COP (MR) SHERIFF OF BABYLON TP VOL 02 POW POW POW (MR) SILENT VOICE GN VOL 01 SILVER SURFER TP VOL 01 NEW DAWN SPIDER-MAN 2099 TP VOL 01 OUT OF TIME SPIDER-MAN MILES MORALES TP VOL 01 STAR WARS DARTH VADER TP VOL 01 VADER STAR WARS LITTLE GOLDEN BOOK I AM DROID STAR WARS TP VOL 04 LAST FLIGHT OF THE HARBINGER SUICIDE SQUAD TP VOL 01 KICKED IN THE TEETH (N52) SUPERGIRL TP VOL 01 THE GIRL OF STEEL SUPERMAN ACTION COMICS TP VOL 01 PATH OF DOOM (REBIRTH) SUPERMAN ACTION COMICS TP VOL 02 WELCOME TO THE PLANET (REBI SUPERMAN TP VOL 02 TRIALS OF THE SUPER SON (REBIRTH) SUPERMAN TP VOL 03 MULTIPLICITY (REBIRTH) TALON TP VOL 01 SCOURGE OF THE OWLS (N52) THOR GOD OF THUNDER TP VOL 02 GODBOMB UBEL BLATT GN VOL 09 (MR) VENOM VS CARNAGE TP VISION TP VOL 01 LITTLE WORSE THAN MAN WALKING DEAD COMPENDIUM TP VOL 01 (MR) WALKING DEAD TP VOL 26 CALL TO ARMS (MR) WALKING DEAD TP VOL 27 WHISPERER WAR WATCHMEN TP INTERNATIONAL EDITION NEW ED WAYWARD TP VOL 03 OUT FROM THE SHADOWS (MR) WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 01 THE FAUST ACT (MR) WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 02 FANDEMONIUM (MR) WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 03 (MR) WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 04 RISING ACTION (MR) WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 05 IMPERIAL PHASE I (MR) WOLVERINE OLD MAN LOGAN TP VOL 00 WARZONES WOLVERINE VS DEADPOOL TP WONDER WOMAN A CELEBRATION OF 75 YEARS HC WONDER WOMAN TP VOL 01 THE LIES (REBIRTH) WONDER WOMAN TP VOL 02 GUTS (N52)

COMICARE SHORT COMIC BOX (SOLD IN 10)

[cometcomicsca]

Here’s what’s new for Wednesday, March 29, 2017!

Summer Hours are now in effect! We are open until 7PM on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday!

Previews

Game Trade Magazine #206

Marvel Previews #21 April 2017 Extras

Previews #343 April 2017

Previews #343 April 2017 Customer Order Form

Image Plus #12 (Walking Dead Heres Negan Pt 12)

Marvel Comics

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All New X-Men #19

Astonishing Ant-Man Tp Vol 03 Trial Of Ant-Man

Avengers #5.1

Black Widow #12

Captain America Falcon Secret Empire Tp New Ptg

Deadpool And Mercs For Money #9

Ghost Rider #5

Guardians Of Galaxy All New Marvel Treasury Ed Tp

Guide To Marvel Cinematic Univ Marvels Doctor Stra

Infamous Iron Man #6

Inhumans Prime #1

Inhumans Prime #1 Kirby 100Th Var

Iron Fist Living Weapon Tp Complete Collection

Man-Thing #2 (Of 5)

Mighty Captain Marvel #3

Mighty Captain Marvel #3 Crain Venomized Var

Occupy Avengers #5

Old Man Logan #20

Spider-Man Miles Morales Tp Vol 02

Spider-Woman #17

Star-Lord #5

Thanos #5

Thunderbolts #11

X-Men Epic Collection Tp Second Genesis

X-Men Prime #1

X-Men Prime #1

X-Men Prime #1 Anka Venomized Var

X-Men Prime #1 Portacio Classic Var

X-Men Prime #1 Torque Connecting Var

DC Comics

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Adam Strange Future Quest Special #1

Adam Strange Future Quest Special #1 Var Ed

Batgirl Annual #1

Batman Animated Batman Robin Mutant 3 Pack

Booster Gold Flintstones Special #1

Booster Gold Flintstones Special #1 Var Ed

Clean Room #17 (Mr)

Dark Knight Iii Master Race #8 (Of 9)

Dark Knight Iii Master Race #8 (Of 9) Rossmo Var E

Dc Universe Rebirth #1 3Rd Ptg (Reorder)

Doom Patrol Directors Cut #1 (Res) (Mr)

Doom Patrol Tp Book 03 (Mr)

Green Lantern Space Ghost Special #1

Green Lantern Space Ghost Special #1 Var Ed

Harleys Little Black Book #6

Hellblazer Tp Vol 01 The Poison Truth (Rebirth)

Justice League Of America #3

Justice League Of America #3 Var Ed

Kamandi Challenge #3 (Of 12)

Kamandi Challenge #3 (Of 12) Var Ed

Suicide Squad Banana Splits Special #1

Teen Titans By Geoff Johns Tp Book 01

Titans Annual #1

Unfollow #17 (Mr)

Wonder Woman & The Justice League America Tp Vol 0

Dark Horse Comics

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Aliens Defiance #10

Black Hammer Tp Vol 01 Secret Origins

Bprd Hell On Earth Tp Vol 15 Cometh The Hour

Conan The Slayer #7

Cryptocracy Tp

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Elfquest Final Quest #19

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Visitor How And Why He Stayed #2 (Of 5)

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Comic Book History Of Comics #5 (Of 6)

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Gi Joe A Real American Hero #238

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Orphan Black Deviations #1 (Of 6)

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Rom #8

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Star Trek Boldly Go #6

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The Rest

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Adventure Time Original Gn Vol 09 Brain Robbers

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Audubon On The Wings Of The World Gn

Backstagers #8 (Of 8)

Batgirl New Hero Of The Night Yr Sc

Castoffs Tp Vol 01

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Here's what's new for Wednesday, March 29, 2017! Summer Hours are now in effect - Open until 7PM on Wed-Fri! Here's what's new for Wednesday, March 29, 2017! Summer Hours are now in effect! We are open until 7PM on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday!

[ruleandruinrpg]

SVETLANA GAVRIKOVA

TWENTY-SIX ❈ HUMAN OPRICHNIK

She was ordinary once, a girl tinged by that soft shade of contentedness that lulls nearly everyone it touches into mediocrity like sirens call sailors to their deaths. She dreamed as all children did, of castles and princes and horses black as night, and like all children, she eventually outgrew her wilder fantasies in favor of tamer, more attainable ones—of stability, of a full stomach, of a life not spent in anticipation of the next loss. Svetlana Gavrikova was the sort of daughter mothers and fathers prayed for—as intelligent as she was beautiful, as strong as she was gentle, and though she was never soft in the way of petals and other things that wilt at the slightest touch, she might’ve been. Given the chance, she might have gone on to live some semblance of the life she’d always dreamed of, one step behind bliss and one step ahead of misery, but something within her wouldn’t rest; her heart beat far too strongly and erratically to ever be satisfied with normalcy, and the reality of it struck her between the eyes one fateful day and knocked something loose within the Gavrikova girl—something cold. Later, they’d say the war had gotten to her, as it tended to do—that it had rendered her as jaded as it had its veterans and its widows, as broken as its grieving and orphaned, and perhaps the world would have been better off if it had. But the war brought out something in Svetlana long-buried, disguised in lace and chiffon and masked as pretty, petty desires: a hunger—for greatness, for power, for infamy, and most of all, for the blood that inevitably preceded it.

She became a soldier at sixteen, torn from her already mourning parents’ grasp with all the carelessness of men who wept not for the deaths of their soldiers, but the wounding of their pride, and her family grieved for her, believing they would never see their beloved daughter again. They were right, as she’d recall some years later, but not in the way they’d imagined; the child they’d raised would be forever lost to them, stolen away not by the cold clutches of death, but the tantalizing embrace of the dark, of the fatal kiss of ambition. She was a walking contradiction even before her comrades took notice, a daydream of a girl with startling blue eyes and fiery red hair who fought like every man’s worst nightmare. They’d seen her as a liability, a lamb of a girl to throw to the wolves and forget, but she wasn’t the soft, weak thing they’d imagined at all. She was ruthless, antagonistic, a sword in her enemy’s side; she was brutal, perhaps the most brutal of them all, and she wouldn’t rest until they knew her, feared her, heard death’s call in the sound of her name—and, some thought, not even then. She shocked her fellow soldiers nearly into a frenzy when she became one of the chosen few, hand-picked by one of the Darkling’s best men to join their ranks, but those who knew her best had the foresight to recognize that she more than belonged among the most dangerous soldiers the First Army had ever seen—that one day, she might best them all, too.

Thus, she traded her ragged First Army garb for oprichnik charcoal and her place in the barracks for quarters in a secluded wing of the Little Palace, where she fought a new fight, one entirely different from the war her family had lost her to, but one worth fighting just the same, and just like the last, it too changed her—led her to become the sort of soldier both otkazat’sya and Grisha feared. She evolved in the worst of ways—learned to draw blood as thoughtlessly as she breathed and came to see the abilities of those she was surrounded by as weakness, rather than strength; she left what was left of her fickle, empty heart at the gates and brought with her only what she couldn’t live without—her blades, her gun, her terrible and reckless savagery. There was no place at the Darkling’s side for the weak, for those more inclined to have mercy than to take action; a man like that left no room for anything short of the cruelty that both builds empires and crumbles them, that renders those who serve it immortal long after their horrible deeds have been done and their ashes scattered on the wind. She wanted more than infamy, more than the satisfaction of entering a room and watching the meeker sort scatter before her eyes; she wanted more than the pride that came with knowing she’d served her country well. There was a war brewing in her sovereign’s eyes and within the walls of the Little Palace, and she wanted nothing more than to go down in history as one of its heroes, or if it so fancied it, its villains—the world could have its pick.

She’s dangerous, this girl of blood and savagery, this red bird in a blizzard—begging to be noticed, demanding to be remembered. She’s dangerous, and it’s taken entirely too long for those around her to see it, but now that they have, it’s a spectacle of sorts, watching a woman that might’ve been an angel descend deeper into hell than even the devil himself would dare. She has evolved into a young woman unrecognizable even to those who raised her, a dreamer turned survivor turned killer. Ravka should rue the day she was plucked from its ranks and given some semblance of power, for ambition never tires, and she’ll see to it that it increases tenfold. She is a rose with thorns abound, a knife between your shoulder blades, the nightmare that wakes you up screaming in your bed. She is chaos incarnate, a beautiful thing with sharp teeth, fearsome and longing, and when darkness reigns at last, she’ll be sitting at its right hand, ready to eat the world raw.

CONNECTIONS

THE DARKLING:  A foolish girl though she might’ve once been, she’s under no illusions now where her sovereign is concerned, not convinced—as so many seem to be—that making a show of one’s power or, for the braver sorts, trying to find one’s way into his bed, will earn a hopeful follower any sort of praise or favor with the second-most powerful man in Ravka. The Darkling notices whoever he pleases and disregards the futile efforts of those he doesn’t, and she’s learned, after several months of serving him, that he’s utterly unimpressed with ordinary acts of savagery, of brutality any mere man is fully capable of. Thus, she’s decided to aim higher—to become, blow by furious blow, a soldier he can neither ignore nor deny. If that makes her a fanatic, so be it. 

GEMMA PAVLOVA: She’d dragged the younger woman back to the Little Palace with every intention of presenting her to her sovereign as a prize of sorts, a trophy to be admired and discarded; though she succeeded in doing so, the interest he’s taken in the girl is utterly wasted on her, and the energy the oprichnik exerted to deliver her to his hand, it seems, was wasted as well, for she’s yet to see an inkling of recognition or praise from him in response. Svetlana is a good soldier, well-capable of following orders and working in the shadows, but she’s loath to let anyone—least of all a newcomer—come between her and the one thing she wants most: power. The sun still rose and set before her, and it’ll do so after her; she’s dispensable, and the guard won’t let her forget it.

FYODOR DRUGOV & ADRIK VAHKROV: They are the children of the dark—chosen by it, not born of it, and it’s made all the difference. They’re every bit as brutal as she, and together, the three of them make a fearsome trio in the eyes of mere mortals and godlings alike. But for all her loyalty, for all her pride in who they are—in what they make up, her ambition is and always will be greater. She would protect them with her life—would fight with them to the death, but she would sacrifice even them for a taste of divinity, a share of the immortality that comes with heralding a new age. Perhaps it will come easily, as infamy never does; perhaps they can all call themselves the kings and queens of the new world order, the empire built on shadows. But she’s never been keen on sharing, and that, she knows, will never change. 

SVETLANA IS PORTRAYED BY LAURA BERLIN & IS TAKEN BY GLORIA.

[impactcomicscbr]

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LOKI AGENT OF ASGARD TP VOL 02 I CANNOT TELL A LIE

LUMBERJANES TP VOL 01

LUMBERJANES TP VOL 02

MANHATTAN PROJECTS TP VOL 03

MIDNIGHTER TP VOL 02 HARD

MIRACULOUS ORIGINS TP

MIRACULOUS TALES OF LADYBUG AND CAT NOIR TP VOL 01

MIRACULOUS TALES OF LADYBUG CAT NOIR TP VOL 02 SPOTS ON

MISS KOBAYASHIS DRAGON MAID GN VOL 01

MS MARVEL TP VOL 01 NO NORMAL

NEW SUICIDE SQUAD TP VOL 02 MONSTERS

OUTCAST BY KIRKMAN & AZACETA TP VOL 02 (MR)

PUNISHER MAX TP COMPLETE COLLECTION VOL 02 (MR)

RAT QUEENS TP VOL 01 SASS & SORCERY (MR)

RE MONSTER GN VOL 01 (MR)

RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS TP VOL 02 STARFIRE (N52)

SAGA TP VOL 04 (MR)

SANDMAN OVERTURE DELUXE ED HC (MR)

SERENITY HC VOL 01 THOSE LEFT BEHIND 2ND ED

SEX CRIMINALS TP VOL 02 TWO WORLDS ONE COP (MR)

SIMPSONS COMICS TP VOL 11 MADNESS

SMURFS GN VOL 02 THE MAGIC FLUTE

SMURFS THE VILLAGE BEHIND THE WALL GN

STAR WARS DARTH VADER TP VOL 03 SHU TORUN WAR

STAR WARS DARTH VADER TP VOL 04 END OF GAMES

STAR WARS POE DAMERON TP VOL 01 BLACK SQUADRON

STAR WARS TP VOL 02 SHOWDOWN ON THE SMUGGLERS MOON

SUBURBAN GLAMOUR TP VOL 01

SUPERMAN FAMILY ADVENTURES TP VOL 02

SUPERMAN FOR TOMORROW TP

SUPERMAN THE RETURN OF SUPERMAN TP

SWAMP THING TP VOL 02 FAMILY TREE (N52)

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES TP VOL 01

TEZUKA TWIN KNIGHT GN VOL 01

TOP 10 TP

TRUE LIVES OF FABULOUS KILLJOYS TP

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN TP VOL 14 WARRIORS

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN TP VOL 15 SILVER SABLE

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN TP VOL 17 CLONE SAGA

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN TP VOL 20 AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN TP VOL 21 WAR OF THE SYMBIOTES

UMBRELLA ACADEMY TP VOL 01 APOCALYPSE SUITE

WALKING DEAD TP VOL 07 THE CALM BEFORE

WALKING DEAD TP VOL 14 NO WAY OUT (MR)

WALKING DEAD TP VOL 20 ALL OUT WAR PT 1 (MR)

WICKED & DIVINE TP VOL 02 FANDEMONIUM (MR)

WOLVERINE OLD MAN LOGAN TP VOL 01 BERZERKER

WOLVERINE OLD MAN LOGAN TP VOL 02 BORDERTOWN

WONDER WOMAN TP VOL 01 BLOOD (N52)

Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 02 (MR)

Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 03 (MR)

Y THE LAST MAN TP BOOK 05 (MR)

YO-KAI WATCH GN VOL 06

YO-KAI WATCH GN VOL 07

YO-KAI WATCH GN VOL 07

YU GI OH GX GN VOL 01 (OF 9) (CURR PTG)

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