#mary monday and the bitches
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austerulous · 2 years ago
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It was a stormy swim today, but I was joined by some lovely critters including a curlew, black-headed gulls, redshanks, herring gulls and a seal. Potato quality snap below the cut. ♡
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maddeningtrash · 3 months ago
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Happy Marie Monday bitch
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petitemistletoe · 2 years ago
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She-Wolf
Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader, Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader, Wolfstar x Reader
Warnings: smut, angst
Word Count: 4K+
A/N: She-Wolf by Shakira is such a Marauders song thank you Shakira for your contributions to society
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S.O.S. she's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a she wolf in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out
“Alright James?” Remus asked as he set his books down on his bed, Sirius and Peter trailing in behind him. 
“Yeah, Prongs, what the hell are you doing?” Sirius asked, flopping down on his bed and watching James throw away a cluster of chocolate frog wrappers. 
“I’m cleaning after you animals.” James rolled his eyes playfully. 
“Why?” Peter asked. 
“My cousin is coming to visit and I got permission for her to stay here.” James held up a set of a dirty robes that had been hidden under Peter’s bed and gagged. 
“Your cousin? I thought she was up in the Pyrenees at Beauxbatons.” Remus bent down to help James pick up discarded candy bean packages. 
“Is she still a foul little bitch?” Peter said, flopping onto his bed and scowling.
“Whoa Wormy! Didn’t know you even knew that word!” Sirius laughed. 
“Don’t tell me you’re still upset with her for your little quidditch incident when we were seven.” James laughed.
“She hit me with her broomstick and broke my nose.” Peter sulked. 
“That was years ago, Peter. Beauxbatons has a holiday for some French event and I got Dumbledore’s permission to stay. I need everyone to be on their best behavior because she’s going to meet Evans for the first time.” 
“I will not be nice to her.” Peter crossed his arms.
“Yes, you will.” James’ words were clipped. Sirius was going to fire off some other ugly compliment when there was a knock at the dorm door. 
“Professor Dumbledore,” James took a step back from the door. 
“Hello gentlemen. James, your cousin’s chariot has landed by the black lake. She’s in the great hall now, waiting for you.” Dumbledore smiled. James, Remus, and Sirius bounded down the stairs while Peter sulked upstairs.
Remus was absolutely knocked back when he saw you. Sure, you were absolutely gorgeous but there was something about you, something he couldn’t quite name that had him enraptured by you. 
You were seated at the Gryffindor table in the great hall, talking to Mary. You hand was light on Mary’s arm, your head thrown back in laughter at something Mary had said. 
“Potter! You didn’t tell me your cousin was so hilarious.” Mary grinned as the boys sat down next to you. 
“It’s so good to see you, James.” You gave your cousin a tight hug before looking at the two boys seated next to him. “I imagine you must be Sirius and Remus. James never shuts up about you.”
A domesticated girl that's all you ask of me
Darling, it is no joke, this is lycanthropy
The moon's awake now, with eyes wide open
My body's craving, so feed the hungry
“Guilty as charged.” Sirius winked.
“Where’s Peter?” You asked. 
“He’s still cross with you about the broomstick.” James rolled his eyes.
“Oh my God that was like ten years ago.” You laughed and rolled your own eyes. 
“So how long will you be staying with us?” Sirius asked. 
“The whole weekend!”
“That long?” James looked alarmed. He had told the boys that you were only staying for the night.
“Is that alright?” You cocked your head. 
“Of course, of course. Moony, Pads, can I talk to you for a second?” James stood from the table and gestured for the boys to follow until they were out of earshot of the table. 
“So she’s staying for a week?” Sirius glared at James. 
“I didn’t know! What are we going to do?” James moaned. 
I've been devoting myself to you Monday to Monday and Friday to Friday
Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it
I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office, ah
So I'm gonna go somewhere cosy to get me a lover and tell you about it
“Do about what?” Peter asked, joining the group. 
“James’ cousin is staying for the entire weekend.” Remus sighed. 
“What about the moon on Saturday?” Peter asked. 
“Yeah, that’s the problem Pete.” Sirius rubbed his temples
“I knew there was nothing good that could happen with that girl around.” Peter shook his head and made his way back over to the table.
“Alright Peter?” You grinned up at the boy. 
“Potter.” He glared down at you. 
“Don’t tell me your still upset about the broom!”
“It’s all he’s talked about for the past two weeks.” Mary said with an eyeroll. “You’re coming to the Three Broomsticks tonight, right?”
“Am I?” You looked up at James. 
“Yeah! We’ll do dinner here and then drinks at the pub and you can meet Lily. I think you’ll love her.” James smiled. 
There's a she wolf in the closet
Open up and set it free
There's a she wolf in your closet
Let it out so it can breathe
“Excellent! When’s dinner I’m starving?” You asked. 
“About an hour. I think James and I are going to do a quick spin on the pitch if you’d like to join. I’m sure Wormy would love it.” Sirius grinned at the thought of you being around Peter again with a broom. 
“I appreciate the offer but I actually was wondering if you could point me in the direction of Madame Pomfrey’s office.”
“What do you need to see Madame Pomfrey for?” James was immediately concerned, his hand going to your forehead to check your temperature. 
“I’m fine,” you laughed, “I’ve been wanting to explore the world of healing after I graduate and I hear that Poppy Pomfrey is one of the best medi-witches in the UK.” You explained. 
“I can walk you down,” Remus said, getting up and extending his hand to help you up. 
“See you all at dinner!” You waved to the group and walked down to the hospital wing with Remus. 
Remus left you in the hospital wing and made his way back up to the dorms, expecting to find it completely empty. He was surprised to see Sirius lounging on Remus’ bed, playing with a snitch. 
Sitting across a bar, staring right at her prey
It's going well so far, she's gonna get her way
Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent
The moon's my teacher, and I'm her student
“What are you doing up here?” Remus asked, sitting down hard on the bed and sighing. His body was sore, the way it always was in the days leading up to the moon. 
“Peter threw another hissy fit so James is calming him down. I didn’t want to hear him moan anymore so I thought I’d come here and hear you moan.” Sirius smirked, grabbing Remus by the back of the neck and kissing him hard. Remus chuckled and reciprocated, his teeth clashing against Sirius’ as he pulled off his shirt. Remus could feel Sirius growing hard beneath him and he chuckled, 
“You’re so needy for me.” Remus grinned. Sirius moaned into Remus’ open mouth and whispered, 
“You’re always so hot near the moon.” Sirius flipped Remus over so Sirius was on top and started to kiss down Remus’ jaw, then his chest, then down his stomach towards his cock. Sirius took Remus into his mouth and relaxed his mouth, trying to take in as much of Remus as he could. Remus knotted his fingers in Sirius’ dark hair and moaned, 
“Fuck yeah, Black. God that feels so good.”
Sirius moaned around Remus’ cock, taking out his own cock and jerking it as he sucked Remus off. Remus knew the moon heightened his emotions and impulses but he felt like his skin was on fire. It felt like every nerve ending was exposed and as he came he released a strangled, 
“Oh Potter.”
Sirius jerked his head back, his mouth still full of Remus’ cum and quirked an eyebrow at him. Sirius swallowed harshly and said, 
“You just killed my hard-on.”
To locate the single man I got on me a special radar
And the fire department hot line in case I get in trouble later
Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys I just want to enjoy
By having a very good time and behave very bad in the arms of a boy
“I-” Remus was bright red and trying to make sense of what had just happened. 
“You don’t have a crush on James, do you?” Sirius joked. 
“No, no, not James…”
“It’s his cousin! I knew it! You’ve been acting weird ever since she got here.” Sirius was a little annoyed now, “I thought you were gay, you big liar.”
“I am! I don’t know what it is about her…something I can’t quite explain. Hopefully it’s all just related the moon.” Remus shook his head. 
“Maybe you should fuck her,” Sirius shrugged. 
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah. Get it out of your system. We could have a little threesome!” Sirius laughed. 
“With James’ cousin? He would murder us in cold blood.” Remus shook his head. 
You were making your way back up from the hospital wing when a girl started walking in stride with you. 
“Can I help you?” You asked her. James had warned you extensively of steering clear of the Slytherins and this girl wasn’t wearing her house tie so you were a bit concerned. 
“Sorry! I’m Lily, James’ girlfriend. You’re his cousin, aren’t you?” She stopped and stretched out her hand. 
“Oh hi! How did you know I was James’ cousin?” You asked, shaking her hand and resuming your walk.
“He’s talked about you for two weeks straight, I think I could’ve drawn you from memory. Also your powder blue Beauxbatons uniform makes you stick out like a sore thumb.” Lily giggled.
“Oh,” you released a laugh yourself, “I guess you’re right.” You fiddled with the sleeve of your uniform as you walked with Lily to the great hall. 
There's a she wolf in the closet
Open up and set it free
There's a she wolf in your closet
Let it out so it can breathe
It was far more alive than it had been just an hour ago when you had arrived. The four large tables were packed, each one was practically overflowing with students who were talking loudly and over each other. You expected a clear divide between each house, after James’ comments about Slytherin but it seemed like there was a fair amount of intermingling. The Slytherins generally kept to themselves but other than that you saw people of all tie colors sitting together, chatting, eating, joking around. You saw Mary sitting in the lap of a boy with a yellow tie at a table that was not Gryffindor’s. You couldn’t help but stare at the Slytherin table as you walked towards the Gryffindor table. There was a boy at the table that was staring daggers at you. He had impossibly pale skin, a large hooked nose, and long dark hair that seemed overdue for a wash. He was seated next to a boy who bore a striking resemblance to Sirius and you seemed to remember your Aunt Effie mentioning something about taking in Sirius after a fall-out with his family. He was a Black, if you remembered correctly, and even though tensions about blood status were not as high in France as they were in the UK, you were well aware of the Black legacy. Perhaps this boy was Sirius’ brother. Regardless, he wasn’t the one staring at you-that was the greasy haired boy. 
Lily had something to you that you hadn’t processed and she followed your gaze to the boy. To your surprise, her face split into a grin and she waved at the boy who only blushed red and dropped his head. 
“That’s Severus. He’s…an old friend of mine. James doesn’t like that we’re friends. I’m sure he’s told you all about how awful and foul the Slytherins are.” Lily’s voice and an edge to it. 
“He has,” you nodded, “but James has always been very passionate about what he believes in.”
“That’s an understatement,” Lily nodded as you sat. You two were the first of the group to sit at the table and you relished the few moments of quiet where you could talk with Lily uninterrupted. 
“I’m not going to say anything bad about James,” you said, diplomatically, “but I have no business in writing people off before I can make my own sound judgement about them.”
“Oh,” Lily seemed to have been released of an intense weight on her shoulders, “I’m so glad to hear that. It’s rich coming from James, too, considering that Remus-” Lily’s eyes went wide and she immediately sucked in a deep breath. 
“Remus has all those scars, right? Must make him a target for bullies.” You supplied. 
“Yes, yes exactly.” Lily said gratefully. Before she could say anything else, Sirius and Remus waltzed into the hall, followed closely by James and Peter.
“Look at that! My two best girls are already acquainted!” James shoved his way between you and Lily and wrapped his arms around you both. 
“Oh God,” you gagged, wiggling out of James’ grasp and covering your nose with your hand.
“James you smell disgusting!” Lily also scooted away from James and gave him a playfully disgusted look. 
“I was on the pitch!” James said with mock shock, “Don’t act like you don’t love it Evans!” He practically tackled Lily, peppering with kisses as she pretended to retch. 
“Are they always that lovey-dovey?” You asked Sirius, who sitting across from you.
“Unbearably so.” Sirius rolled his eyes. 
“So how was your talk with Madame Pomfrey?” Remus asked. It seemed like every time you turned your head Remus was staring at you with his deep, inquisitive eyes. 
“Great! She shared a lot of great resources about healing.” You nodded and took a bite of your food. The blonde girl at the table, Marlene, whipped her head around.
“Are you interesting in healing?” She asked excitedly. 
“Uh, yes. I was thinking about pursuing it after I graduate.” You replied cautiously. 
“So will I! I’d love to pick your brain about it.” Marlene had a wide grin on her face. 
“Absolutely,” you said with mock confidence, “another time though. I’m here to spend time with my cousin, if he can bear detaching himself from his girlfriend for a moment.” 
The table came alive with that, everyone laughing and hollering as James and Lily broke apart both red faced and sheepish. James was informing you of the evening’s itinerary when you felt a foot trace its way up your leg. Not too far up or anything, but it was definitely there and it definitely belonged to one Sirius Black. He was looking at you with a smirk as his fingers danced around the rim of his goblet. It took an active effort for you to tear yourself away from his gaze and pay attention to what James was saying. 
“Hold on a second,” you held your hand up and looked at James in astonishment, “you want to hit the pitch tomorrow at seven in the morning after getting pissed tonight? Are you insane?” 
“I’m giving you an extra hour of sleep!” James was wearing a face of true astonishment at your protests. 
“Didn’t you know that James Potter has never ever been hungover in his life.” Peter said with a head shake.
“He’s absolutely insufferable after a night of drinking.” Sirius chuckled. His foot was still tracing up and down your leg. 
“Oh I bet he is.” You chuckled but your eyes never left Sirius’. 
“Where will you be sleeping?” Marlene asked. It seemed like dinner was finally coming to a close and you are were all just sipping at your goblets. 
“The boys’ dorm. I think Dumbledore was kind enough to set up an extra cot but we always used to sleep in the same bed when were little.” James pinched your cheek. 
“If you’re going to be insane about Quidditch tomorrow though I’m not sure I want to share a bed with you.” You chuckled. 
“You could always take Moony’s bed, he spends most his nights in Sirius’ bed anyway.” Peter shrugged. Someone breathed in sharply and everyone’s heads shot towards Peter like he’d said something out of turn. James’ gaze was stony, which was odd, you hadn’t known that your cousin had had a mean bone in his body. But here he was, glaring down his oldest friend. 
“You’re together?” You asked, looking between Remus and Sirius. 
“Yes,” Sirius said. James looked like he was ready to launch into a speech but you only shrugged and said, 
“You make a cute couple.”
There was a collective sigh as it seemed that the group was able to drop their guard again. You wondering how many people knew about Sirius and Remus’ relationship. You also found Sirius’ game of footsy all the more confusing. 
You had been a bit suspicious of the Gryffindors when you heard that James wasn’t prone to hangovers. You had assumed that the Gryffindors probably all passed around a bottle of spiked butterbeer and went to sleep a little warm and giggly. You were not expecting the rounds of shots, the drinking games, the chugging contests, the Weed. You were drunk out of your mind. Sirius was playing footsy with you again, being less subtle this time about the way he stared and ogled you. But everyone else was drunk too. Remus was staring, that was nothing new, but you figured maybe he was mad at you for capturing the attention of his boyfriend. But you could’ve sworn you had Remus’ attention first. 
“I’m gonna get another round.” Remus slurred, standing on shaky legs and walking over the bar. 
“I’ll go help,” Sirius followed Remus, slapping his ass hard as he made his way to the bar with his boyfriend. 
“Cheers Moony!” James laughed. His glasses were lopsided on his head and his jaw was covered in red lipstick kiss marks. Lily was perched comfortably on his lap and was resting her head in the crook of his neck. Marlene, Mary, and Peter had tapped out and returned about an hour before with their respective partners, no doubt trying to find unoccupied areas of the castle for a liquor-fueled hookup. 
“James I gotta question for you,” you giggled, knocking over an empty bottle of firewhiskey. 
“Anything for you, love,” James sent a wide grin your way. 
“Why do’ya call Remus Moony?”
“It’s actually a very interesting story,�� James took his glasses off and pointed them your way but Lily slapped her hand over James’ mouth.
“I think you’ve had much too much to drink, James.” She said with a panicked laugh. Remus and Sirius returned with the tray of shots and you turned to the boys, 
“Remus, why does everyone call you Moony?” You asked him directly. 
“Just a nickname.” Sirius was casual, relaxed. An odd change from Lily. 
“Mooooony.” You crooned the entire way back to the dorms. “I like that. It has good mouth feel, you know.” You giggled at the sound of your own voice. James was brushing his teeth now, Lily had returned to her dorm and you were laying in James’ bed, just a blink away from falling asleep. 
S.O.S. she's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a she wolf in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out
“I quite like when you say my name,” Remus said, quickly and smoothly in your ear. His voice sent shivers down your spine. And then, you would tell yourself in the morning that you imagined it because you were so drunk, but you could have sworn that Remus licked up the side of your neck. 
When you woke up the next morning, your brain was pulsating inside your skull. You heard someone retching in the bathroom and you turned and found the bed empty. You tried to remember if James had even returned the night before or if you had left him in the pub when he sauntered back in, sweaty from a few rounds at the pitch. 
“There’s no way you aren’t hungover.” You groaned, turning over onto your stomach and wrapping your pillow over your ears. 
“Why don’t we get some breakfast? You’ll feel better.” James teased gently, trying to pull the covers off you. 
“Shut the fuck up James!” Remus snapped from behind his curtain. 
“Alright Moony, don’t yell just because it’s your time of the month. I have a bad enough headache as it is.” Peter was rubbing his temples as he exited the bathroom. He must’ve been the one vomiting earlier.
“Time of the month?” You asked. 
“Breakfast time!” James said suddenly, clapping his hands around your head. 
“Go away!” You groaned again, burying your head in your pillow until you were able to fall asleep again. When you woke up it was just you and Remus in the dorm. You dressed quietly as Remus explained that you two had slept through breakfast but you would be able to make lunch. Sirius and Peter had left just a few minutes before and James had already showered and finished an essay and was now waiting for you downstairs. You two made your way together down to the great hall where you wrapped your hands around a cup of coffee and nibbled at a piece of dry toast. Remus had loaded up his plate with a variety of lunch foods and you were staring at him in astonishment. Other than Remus, James was the only one with a normal appetite. 
“How are you not hungover?” You were flabbergasted, shaking your head at James. 
“You inherited Aunt Camille’s Veela status, I got her ability to avoid hangovers.” James shrugged. 
“So! I was thinking that you could spend the night in the girls’ dorm tonight. We’ll have a little sleepover.” Lily said with a grin. 
“Oh I’d love that but I actually want to spend more time with Jamesie here.” You smiled. Lily shot James a panicked expression that you weren’t able to fully understand. Remus leaned over and looked at the boys, sharing a knowing look that meant they all needed to talk. Luckily for the boys, you and Marlene were going to head to the library which meant the boys had free reign over the dorm for the foreseeable future. 
“Maybe it’s not a good idea for you all to come with me to the shack. We can’t risk your cousin finding anything out.” Remus sighed. 
“No! Moony we’ll figure it out, don’t worry. We can give her a strong sleeping draught tonight and sneak out after.” James reassured Remus. 
Remus was even more on edge than usual. Having you nearby and the approaching moon had his skin on fire and he just wanted to get the moon over and done with. Luckily for everyone, you had decided that your hangover was still plaguing you so you decided to spend the night in the hospital wing. 
S.O.S. she's in disguise
S.O.S. she's in disguise
There's a she wolf in disguise
Coming out, coming out, coming out
The moon had been incredible. More than that. Remus had never felt so amazing and free. He was surprised, however, that he wasn’t back in the shack when he came to. He was shaking when he saw Sirius, James, and Peter staring over him concern written all over their faces. 
“What’s wrong?” Remus asked. 
“There was another wolf. You couldn’t keep away from each other. We have no idea where she came from.” Sirius was wringing his hands. They helped Remus up and were starting to head back to the shack when they saw someone stumble out of the woods and collapse at the edge of the clearing. 
“That must be the other wolf.” James said. The boys all ran, with Sirius supporting Remus still, over to the collapsed figure. 
“Oh my God.” Peter gasped. 
“There’s a she-wolf in disguise.” Sirius looked up at James, who could only stare down at your unconscious body below them. 
There's a she wolf in your closet
Let it out so it can breathe
2K notes · View notes
undead-supernova · 1 year ago
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HIGH TOLERANCE
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Live Resin / Masterlist
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3
warnings: gay disasters, Steve (derogatory), a bit of angst but that's a given for pining best friend!eddie so enter at your own risk, weed consumption (but what's new in a series about weed consumption)
pairings: modern!bestfriend!Eddie x fem!reader (both bisexual bitches)
plot: let's go sing some karaoke and feel like we're dying, shall we?
wc: 6k
p.s. I listened to "Watch" by Maisie Peters the entire time I wrote this and I just cannot for the life of me let The Good Witch go. Anyone else in a chokehold from that album? Anyways, here you go!
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“For you, my good sir!” you exclaimed, feigning a British accent as you got down on one knee and presented Eddie with a joint like it was a sword. And it was an immediate scrape to your knee, your black crop top and miniskirt riding up. You tried to save yourself by planting your maroon Converse on the ground, but it was met with instant failure. Eddie chuckled, grabbing your arm to try and stabilize you before he continued the bit. 
(Leave it to Eddie Munson to commit to a bit.)
“For me?” he asked, feigning a gasp as he threw his hand over his chest, his rings clinking together. “You shouldn’t have.”
You exaggerated a wink as you stood back up. 
“Sure, I did.”
“Wha’da we got, Weirdo?”
You repeated what the guy at Jailbait Hemp told you. It was a THC-A pre-roll that was covered in live resin (which technically has a higher concentration level than just the THC-A alone). It burned differently than other joints, a glaze lining the paper to burn like honey. 
Let it in slow and watch it go.
“She sure is a pretty one,” Eddie said, lightly running the pad of his pointer finger along the resin. It didn’t flake off or leave any residue on his finger. Incredible.
You smirked. “I know, right?”
“Kinda like you.”
You swallowed immediately, nearly choking as the spit went down wherever the wrong pipe was located.
Panic, panic, panic. 
“Oh, whatever,” you said, waving him away. You distracted yourself with wiping the gravel off of the scrape on your knee that showed promise of blood but stayed put. The most embarrassing thing you could think of was having to ask someone for a Band-aid because you were too busy doing a bit with a joint to remember that you weren’t wearing pants. Eddie would love that a little too much and you weren’t about to give him the satisfaction.
“You’re right,” Eddie said with a nod, causing you to look back up. “Doesn’t come close to you, m’lady.” Without another word or time for you to even remotely process, he held out his hand and made obnoxious grabbing gestures. “Alright. Gimme, gimme. Wanna light her up.”
With shaky fingers, you handed it over. Eddie took his black Bic lighter and ran the flame back and forth against the twisted end of the paper. It took him two or three tries to keep it lit, but he finally got it, moving it around in circles to let it burn as evenly as it could. The air instantly thickened with the smell. But to be fair, you smelled weed wherever you went in Atlanta. Even on the highway somehow.
You could hear the music from Go Ask Mary from two blocks away, the bass of Madonna’s “Vogue” booming through the walls. It was almost time for karaoke to start and, to be honest, you were excited. Eddie had picked up some extra shifts at the car dealership and your shitty retail jobs at the Lenox Square mall had been draining. Especially when you were surrounded by stores like Chanel and Tiffany & Co. It was always your dream to work at a Sephora where all the pretentious rich people complained about needing a new Balenciaga bag before arguing with you when their sheer Tom Ford lipstick was out of stock. 
This was the first time you’d seen Eddie in a week, despite him practically begging to come over at 2am to watch the first Lord of the Rings movie on a Monday. The extended edition to be exact, all three hours of Elijah Wood and Sean Astin being the most iconic couple of the fantasy realm. It was embarrassing to admit, but you nearly considered calling out just so you could.
Tonight, you couldn’t wait to let off some steam, especially with the person who made every day worth it. Eddie looked as he usually did with all his chains and rings and pretty face and attitude. It was disgustingly unfair that he could wear variations of the same outfit every time you saw him and somehow looked better and better every time.
“There you guys are,” Steve sighed as he and Robin walked over from the bar. 
Steve was still in his suit, just without his tie and blazer. A few buttons of his white button down were popped with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Robin wore an oversized cotton button down, white with navy stripes and a loose navy tie. She looked like she was going to the beach for the day, even going so far as to wear jean shorts and checkerboard Vans.
“We should’ve known you were smoking,” Robin said, nose wrinkling before she pulled out her flask from her back pocket and took a few sips. “Did you know that one joint is, like, the equivalent of five cigarettes? I heard it on a podcast the other day and, believe me, that sounds bad. Like, really bad.”
“What else is new?” you joked, taking the joint from Eddie and filling your lungs with a few hearty drags. “At least we’re not vaping. That’s, what, the equivalent of a hundred cigarettes?”
Robin shook her head. “Actually, I read that a thousand-puff vape is the equivalent of five to six packs.” She paused, moving her fingers through the air as she solved the problem in her head. “So…about one-twenty?”
Eddie hummed, nodding. “Aren’t you glad I stopped smoking cigs six months ago?”
“Well, yes.”
“So smoking weed should be the least of your worries, Buckley.”
“You have a point. But honestly—"  
“Rob!” Steve interrupted. “Rob, listen. I have exciting news.”
“What is it?” you asked.
“I’m getting the first round,” he said proudly. “I got a bonus at work.”
“Thanks, Steve,” you said, genuinely touched by the offer. “That’s awesome, though. You’re literally moving up in the world.”
“Bringing in the big bucks, this one,” Eddie teased with a big smile as he took the joint from you. “Always a generous giver.”
Steve glared at Robin. “She thinks I should quit.”
“No, I do not!” Robin argued. “I just think you’re in a weird environment with weird men—" 
The high was already making its way through you, causing you to not-so-subtly stare at Eddie again. His eyes were trained on yours as Steve and Robin rattled on, entering some bickering fest that you were positive he wasn’t listening to. And the way he was looking at you… Well, it didn’t seem that platonic, did it? 
His eyes were doing that thing again, that slow gaze down your body before reaching back up to your eyes. Your fingers inched just a little bit closer to his and you almost swore you could hear his rings again as they fluttered towards yours. 
Robin cleared her throat, causing you to look back at her. She was eyeing you specifically, not even bothering to look at Eddie. 
Could she see it? What did she know? Was there anything to know?
“Well, we’ll be inside,” she said, grabbing Steve’s arm. “Have fun with the extra cancer!”
Eddie chuckled. “Thanks, Buckley.”
You watched them walk away, right back in their little fight. It was nice to be around them again. Truly, it was. You didn’t have too many friends outside of Eddie, always working during the week and never truly finding time to go out unless Eddie dragged you along. You could engage in small talk with strangers at Go Ask Mary on the weekends, but it was different when you got home and found your phone void of anyone to tell those stories to. Zero messages, not even from your parents or your sister. No Instagram DMs of cute animals or Tumblr messages of photography and memes. Just a phone that looked more like a coffin full of wires than access to the whole world.
Except for Eddie.
As he turned back to you, he lifted the joint and let it hover just above your lips. 
“Want some more?” he asked.
You looked up at him, nearly startled by how close he was to you. God, what was it about him? Maybe it was the dark color of his eyes, still illuminated in the warm sunset, nearly glazed over with a golden sheen. Maybe it was the way his hair was doing that thing after a fresh wash where the ends were slightly curlier than the rest. Or maybe it was the way his tips of his sneakers were meeting yours and the smell of tobacco and car air freshener was wafting off of him.
“Come on, you can’t deny you want it.”
“Um,” you stumbled. “Yeah. Yeah, I want it.”
“Yeah?”
Nodding, you felt his fingers grazing your mouth as he placed it in between your lips. You took a long, slow drag while your eyes never left his. You wanted to look away. Really, you did. If anything, the sparks settling in your stomach were starting to pop and sizzle unlike ever before. 
You just couldn’t help yourself.
And if anything, he didn’t seem like he could either.
Tonight was going to be interesting.
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The bar wasn’t very crowded, but that’s why you liked to go as a group during the week. Even if there weren’t many people looking to do karaoke on a Tuesday, it didn’t matter. There were four of you ready to tear up the fucking stage.
You went in rotation for solo performances, Robin singing ���Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac followed by you singing “Love Is a Stranger" by Eurythmics (despite it technically not being from the Eighties) followed by Eddie doing “The Stroke” by Billy Squire and finishing with Steve’s off-key rendition “Africa” by Toto.
When Steve returned from his noteworthy performance, the three of you congratulated him. He did a little bow before wiping the sweat off his forehead. 
Eddie patted the table and said, “Alright, I’ll go get the next round.” As he was about to leave, he looked at you. “Still want a vodka Redbull?”
“Of course,” you said with a smile. 
He gave you a quick wink. “Just checking, Weirdo.”
“Thanks.”
You turned back to Steve and Robin, watching Steve dab his face with a napkin. He was mostly definitely inching towards being drunk, always starting to turn red and sweaty whenever he was getting close. That, and he started to run his mouth.
“God, he’s dreamy,” Steve said, leaning his head in one hand. You followed his line of sight, all three of you watching Eddie walk to the bar. “It’s almost annoying how hot he is.”
Robin snorted. “Yeah, okay. Keep dreaming.”
Maybe it shouldn’t have stung the way it did. Anyone was allowed to find him hot. It didn’t mean anything. Just a bit of flattery, that’s all. But then it was like you couldn’t stop yourself and suddenly you were unable to keep yourself from asking the one thing you never ever should have.
“Do you have a crush on Eddie?”
You watched Steve laugh pitifully. “I mean, maybe?”
“Maybe? What does ‘maybe’ mean, Steve?” Robin asked.
“I mean, he’s hot, right? But I don’t know if he’d even go for me.” As he talked, he popped open another button of his shirt, showing off a bit of his wife beater and chest hair. “Like, okay, he’s just so pretty and he fixes cars and plays in a band? It’s cool as hell. But I don’t think we even have that much in common, so I don’t know. He likes metal, I like pop. He likes D&D and I like, uh, I don’t know? Poker? Anyways, I don’t even know what kind of guys he’s into. Do you know, Rob?”
Robin shrugged, meeting your eyes before saying, “I don’t know, Steve. Ever thought about asking him what his type is?”
And you shouldn’t have asked. Really, you shouldn’t. Because now you were here, sitting at a table while Steve moaned and groaned about his chances with Eddie, like it was some statistics problem. And then someone was doing an awful cover of “Time After Time” by Cyndi Lauper, the shrill sound mixing with Steve’s whining. And you? You were sulking. 
You looked over and watched Eddie wait for your drinks at the bar, wondering if Steve had any chance and whether you were more likely to get the guy in the end. Surely there was a silver lining in there somewhere. You enjoyed metal music and even convinced Eddie to listen to other genres. You enjoyed listening to Eddie talk about Dungeons and Dragons and showed him board games you liked, like Catan. Relationships weren’t built off of just similarities and differences. Steve was wrong.
Right?
As if Eddie heard your thoughts, he caught your stare, his lips pulling back into a large grin as he waved and moved his hips a little bit along to the grating karaoke. You couldn’t help but laugh at how awkward he looked, in turn doing the worst arm wave in history. He immediately started laughing.
Eddie was looking at you, wasn’t he? Steve wasn’t even bothering to look at the object of his desire. He merely talked about the guy, putting his head in his hands and panicking as if Eddie wasn’t in the same room. But you were looking at Eddie and now you were in a makeshift dance battle, embarrassing yourself by doing an awful robot while he did that shopping cart move.
Could Steve have this kind of relationship with Eddie?
And what were the odds of you winning?
What were the odds of you losing?
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After a good bit of chatter, Steve and Robin headed towards the other end of the bar to set up a game of darts. Eddie went along, but you decided to stay behind. He found it odd, asking if you were sure and you’d nodded, telling him that you wanted a moment to yourself. 
But Eddie didn’t believe you. Not one bit. You’d started acting weird merely seconds after he came back with drinks. It was strange. One moment you were dancing with him across the room and the next your shoulders were slumped, falling out of any and all conversation. Even when he nudged you and tried to be playful, you seemed to pretend you didn’t notice. Instead, you focused on your straw and nodding along as if you were paying attention. 
He knew you hadn’t. He knew there was something wrong and, of course, he wanted to respect your privacy but there had to be something else there. Had Robin let anything slip? Did Steve act like an asshole? Were you upset with him? 
Robin and Steve were in the heat of a tie when Eddie finally decided to walk back over to you. He didn’t like seeing you so sad, so vulnerable. And with the addition of the high, he knew how scary that could feel. If something didn’t feel right, it could get extremely uncomfortable. And you couldn’t just be alone in that hole.
“Hey,” he said as he approached you. “Are you feeling okay?”
You put on one of the fakest smiles he’d ever seen before replying, “Yeah, I guess I’m just tired from work.”
Lie.
“Is the high getting you down?”
You shrugged. “A bit, yeah.”
“Um,” he said, gulping as he held out his palm. “Do you need to hold my hand?”
You looked down at his hand before looking back up. 
“No, I think I’ll be okay. Thank you, though.”
“Yeah, sure. Sure,” he replied, placing his hand on top of the other. 
He squeezed it to elicit something resembling comfort for the rejection he felt. It was like your hand was some kind of phantom feeling that made his chest ache with want. And that want was slowly but surely starting to burn.
“Well, uh.” He gulped. “I’m gonna get myself another beer. Want anything?”
You shook your head. “No, I’m okay.”
Eddie nodded before turning away.
“Hey, Eddie?”
He didn’t think he’d ever spun back around that quickly before.
“Yeah?”
You smiled weakly. “If you need me to drive your van back tonight, let me know. I don’t mind if you want to get a little drunk with Steve and Robin.”
And just like that, he died a little inside. Again.
“Will do, Weirdo.”
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Steve was back on his bullshit.
“Oh my god, do you guys think I should try to sing with him? Get the sparks flying, you know?” He moved his head from side to side. “‘Do a little dance? Make a little love’?”
Robin smacked Steve’s arm. “You did not just do that.”
You let out a tiny sigh, looking away from his hopeful expression. Steve genuinely thought he’d cracked the code to Eddie’s heart. And you couldn’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want someone like Eddie? 
But really, you wanted to put your head on the table and bang it over and over.
Over. And. Over.
Eddie had gone to get a third beer and Steve had wasted no time before bringing this shit back up. You were seriously starting to dislike him for the first time in three years. Three. Years. He was obnoxious when he was drunk, sure, but it was never like this.
Or maybe you just hadn’t paid attention until tonight.
You shook your head, desperately trying to get the feelings out of your body. The blunt was starting to get the best of you, fogging your brain while your limbs felt like they were vibrating. This was killing your high. No, it was more than that. It was magnifying all the feelings you once swore to be dormant. 
You looked over to find Robin staring at you, her eyebrow quirked up. Noticeably, you might add. You and Robin weren’t that close—you were one of Eddie’s best friends to the rest of them. You had fun whenever the group would hang out, whether that be at Eddie’s shows or unwinding at Go Ask Mary, but you never truly hung out alone. 
Steve, Robin, and Eddie had moved to Atlanta three years ago, after they wanted out of their small town in Indiana. Steve’s dad had gotten him a job at a big boy law firm in the heart of Downtown. It wasn’t the best way to get into the business, but it was the best way to get all of them out. To start over somewhere bigger, somewhere with more opportunities. Steve convinced them to save up for the summer before driving eight hours to their shitty new apartment. He swung Robin a waitressing gig at a nice restaurant he had a business lunch at—charmed the owner and everything. Eddie had worked at a local gay bar in Decatur and played there sometimes on metal or punk themed nights.
And here Robin was now, staring at you like she was trying to figure out how you were feeling, as if you’d ever be phased by Steve’s confession. Confessions. And she was making eye contact, all bold and unashamed. Like she was some freakishly keen hawk, two steps away from letting out a ca-caw. And if Steve paid just a fraction, just a millimeter of attention, he’d notice. 
It was all quite unnerving.
“Don’t you think sparks would already be flying after years of knowing each other?” Robin asked, eyes flickering from Steve’s to yours and then back again. “I mean, I think you would know by now. If there was something between you.” She gestured over to you. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
What was her deal?
“Pfffft.” 
A bit of Steve’s spit flew out and hit your cheek. You would’ve laughed three hours ago. Now? Now, you were seriously considering bashing his head against the table.
(It was a big night for head bashing.)
“Last call for karaoke!” one of the bartenders announced.
“Wish me luck!” Steve said to you and Robin before raising his hand. “I’ll do it!” he exclaimed loudly, pointing to Eddie who had just finished closing out his tab. “I’ll do it with that handsome man over there!”
Eddie looked surprised but shrugged, a pleasant smile reaching his lips. “Yeah, sure, Harrington. Show me what you got.”
As they moved towards the stage, you swallowed the words resting on your tongue.
I wanted to sing with Eddie tonight.
“I hope he doesn’t embarrass himself.”
You couldn’t look at Robin. You just couldn’t.
“What song did he pick?” you asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
“‘Under Pressure’.”
Oh, fuck. You’d sung that in the car with Eddie plenty of times, always with a silent acknowledgement that whatever conversation you were having would cease and the volume was to be turned all the way up. You went for Freddie Mercury's part while Eddie took the lower octaves in David Bowie’s verses. Eddie sounded amazing when he sang it, confident with his range and feeding emotion into the song. And you melted. You just melted.
And when the song started and Eddie’s eyes drifted away from Steve and landed on you, well, you couldn’t help but feel seen. He thought about those times, too, didn't he? It was something you both held special. Right?
But Steve took Eddie’s hand and started trying to dance with him. Eddie laughed, trying to follow his complicated rhythm. Steve was stumbling and nearly fell of the stage, but Eddie caught him, stabilizing him. Just like he’d done with you in the parking lot.
Things were going downhill for you. And they were going down fast.
Eddie cleared his throat dramatically before starting the first verse. “Pressure, pushing down on me, pressing down on you. No man ask for.”
You let out a sigh at the sound of Eddie’s voice, all gravely and husky and soft all the same. It felt even better tonight with whatever was in this joint. You could feel it inside, like it was somehow spreading through you. There was a part of you that was sure you’d never get over it for as long as you lived.
Steve pulled Eddie closer, grabbing at his waist and slowly moving it down.
Oh my fucking god. Eddie knows what he’s doing, right? you asked yourself. Can he tell? Does he like this?
Eddie cleared his throat before belting, “It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about. Watching some good friends screaming—”
“Let me out!” Steve shouted.
They stumbled through a laugh at the ridiculousness, and you began to feel like you were slowly dying. Again.
“I’m…going to go to the bathroom,” Robin announced before scurrying off.
And you tried to keep your eyes off of them. Really, you did. You made yourself look around the room, scanning the face of a drag queen who was currently walking around and engaging in animated conversations with the few other people here. Her eyes were coated in pink glitter and tall eyelashes; nude lips perfectly lined and wrapped around the straw of a cocktail. She was absolutely gorgeous, as most Atlanta queens were. Plus, how could you ever look away from a drag queen? They were angels, truly. Archangels.
But it was Eddie’s singing that brought your attention back, as effortless as Bowie himself. Like there was nothing to it. Like he was always on the track to begin with.
You found yourself thinking about the night you met Eddie, right here in Go Ask Mary. It was the five-month anniversary of their official move to Atlanta, the three of them wanting to go out and celebrate not completely fucking up. They’d gotten out and they were doing pretty okay for themselves by the look of it.
And you? Well, you were a native to the south. Grew up in Tennessee, moved here when you saw the opportunity for college somewhere that wasn’t Tennessee. Found your way through college and realizing you were bisexual and, well, found Go Ask Mary. At the time, you came here with friends, but there was a period time after losing some of those friends where you preferred coming by yourself. It was an accepting atmosphere, one where everyone seemed friendly. You could have a six-minute conversation with a queer stranger and never speak again. But it would be fond and unforgettable. It would be transcendent. 
You’d gone up and done a dramatic cover of “I Miss You” by Blink 182, mimicking the singer’s voice rather than being serious about it. A few people laughed—and Eddie was one of them. He’d even let out a few whoo!s and yeah!s. When you’d gotten off the stage, he approached you immediately and asked you if you could be best friends. You laughed at that, thinking then that neither of you were serious. 
But then you’d spent the whole night talking and watching Robin and Steve perform.
And then they tapped out and decided to head home.
However, Eddie wanted to stay. 
And you told him you could call him an Uber. 
And then you stayed until closing, just talking. Nonstop. Like you were seeing an old friend for the first time in decades.
(Is there a joke in there somewhere about three disaster bisexuals and one tragic lesbian walking into a bar?)
“Is that your man?”
You looked behind you, noticing the queen from earlier standing with her hand on her hip as she tapped her acrylic nails along to the beat.
“Which one?” you asked.
“The crazy haired one over there with the wallet chain.”
You could feel your chest start to ache. “No, no. We’re best friends, but we’re not dating.” She let out a hum. You looked at her again, feeling hot all of a sudden. “Um, why? Why do you ask?”
A smirk formed on her lips as she touched your shoulder, leaning down to speak softly into your ear. “Baby, that man’s only looking at you.”
“He is?”
“Mhm.”
“Are you sure?”
The queen looked at you again, her eyebrow raising. “Oh, so you’re jealous of the other one?” She laughed as you gave a defeated shrug. “You ain’t been lookin’ hard, have you?”
“I’m not sure—"
“Honey,” she started, tapping your jaw. You looked back at her. “I know that look. But you ain’t gotta look hard to see what he feels for you.”
“Really?”
She patted the top of your head and stood up straight. “Girl, look harder. Oh, and don’t forget to invite me to the wedding.”
And then she was waving you a goodbye and walking away.
You looked back to the stage to watch Eddie. You didn’t know how to believe her. Couldn’t. He was right there, leaning in and sharing a microphone with Steve, their faces practically touching. Lopsided grins coming from the two as Eddie hit a high note perfectly and Steve butchered the harmony. Eddie’s voice was dark and angelic. Steve’s eyes were red and perhaps they were sparkling in the purple and blue neon lights. They were having fun. 
They’d be a cute couple, a voice in your head said bitterly. And you can sit and watch and be okay with it. Swallow all your emotions like you always do. Let yourself fade into background noise as you watch someone take the spot you want the most. It’s normal at this point, isn’t it? You’re going to be that pathetic and weak, aren’t you?
You looked down at your drink, riddled with those incessant voices in your head telling you that you weren’t good enough. Because you weren’t as forward as Steve, or as brave as Eddie. You couldn’t just say the words or say anything at all. Eddie said everything he thought and made it clear how he felt. It was so simple for him. 
Besides…where would the friendship go if Eddie rejected you? Would it remain firm, the foundation solidified enough to keep you where you were before? Or would it start moving away, returning less and less frequently before the inevitable crash? 
And how could you ever fathom surviving the implosion?
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Eddie began to belt the final chorus, leaving Steve in the dust while secretly trying to get your attention. Maybe he was trying to impress you with his strengthened vocals and (pathetically) wanted you to notice.
But you continued to look down at your drink, scowling and swirling your straw around. He wanted to know what the hell was going on, why you were acting so strange tonight. It’d started out so well when he picked you up, letting the music be the only thing moving you forward. Even in the parking lot, with the jokes and a longing look that felt like it lasted for hours. And now you were…well. Whatever you were. 
And the song ended, alongside the minimal applause and stage lights being turned off. 
Steve patted Eddie’s shoulder as they got off. Eddie nodded at him before turning towards your table. 
But Steve pulled at his forearm. 
“Munson, wait.”
Eddie looked back. “Yeah, dude. What’s up?”
Steve smiled and Eddie could tell that he was utterly drunk. It was one of Steve’s goofy smiles, always seeming cartoonish with the way his lips curved into a wave. Eddie always thought it was kinda weird how he did that. Even a little creepy.
“Listen, I’m just gonna come out and ask you a question.”
“Okay…” Eddie trailed, now facing Steve completely. 
“Would you ever want to go on a date?”
Eddie’s eyes widened, scanning Steve’s face to try and see if any of this was a joke. 
But there was no punchline. He was serious.
“Like, together?�� he asked slowly.
Steve laughed, having to lean on a nearby table to stable himself. “Yeah! I don’t know, I just kinda thought we had some chemistry or something. I’m drunk so I can’t articulate it very well, but I’ve wanted to ask for a while.”
Eddie raised a hand to scratch along his stubble and thought about it. Had he really not noticed that Steve was into him? He thought he’d made it clear to Robin his affections for you. He’d just assumed she would tell Steve but, clearly, she hadn’t. 
It was all Eddie ever talked about when him and Robin were alone, holed up in Eddie’s bedroom with a couple of beers and When Harry Met Sally playing on his TV. She told him over and over how he should just say something to you or even drop hints here and there. And to be fair, he thought he had. Even tonight with the joint in your mouth and the comment about it not being as pretty as you. And you’d just waved it off. Acted like it was nothing. Moved on so quickly and so suddenly.
But. 
Well. 
Was there such harm in saying yes to Steve? You certainly hadn’t said anything and maybe it would be good for him to explore something with someone who he knew for sure wanted him. It could be simple with him. Steve was fun to be around. He could be happy with him if it went anywhere. Because it could go somewhere…
Right?
He stared at Steve for some time before he responded.
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You tried to leave with Robin and Steve, but Eddie pulled you towards his van instead. That meant two blocks of walking together and he didn’t waste any time before he started talking.
“Where are you going, Weirdo?” he asked, throwing an arm around your shoulders and pulling you into a side-hug. “You know you live closer to me.”
He was right. After Eddie had snagged his current job as a mechanic at a nice dealership, he’d gotten his own place so that he could have a space for himself. He really liked his alone time as much as he liked being around you or any of his other friends. One of the main reasons was because he needed complete silence when planning his campaigns and, well, Robin and Steve weren’t necessarily quiet people.
You chuckled, but it sounded forced. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I’m crossed or something,” you replied. “You’ve always had a higher tolerance than me.”
Eddie gave you a concerned look. “You okay?”
You nodded and tried to keep walking. 
But he didn’t.
“You’re not holding my hand right now.”
His voice was soft, hardly above a whisper.
“Oh, I guess I just wasn’t thinking about it tonight.”
Or you’re not actually cross-faded, Eddie thought to himself. But he didn’t say anything, just bumped your shoulder with his and tried to bring the energy back. You hadn’t smiled since you’d all left and there was no way you’d leave tonight without one. So, he turned around and started walking backwards, shimmying his shoulders. He cracked the code, watching as you began to snort. Thank God.
“So, did you like my killer vocals?” he asked, his playful tone raising the energy back to its rightful place. 
Until your smile faltered.
“Ohhhhhh, yeah,” you said, hardly sounding sarcastic or playful. And it certainly didn’t meet your eyes. “You and Steve looked like you were having fun.”
Eddie hesitated, wanting to tell you about Steve’s…proposition. Should he casually drop it into the conversation? Would tonight be the night that he admitted how he felt? Or would he continue to rely on you doing it?
“He asked me out,” Eddie said before he could think further, heart racing.
“What?”
“Yeah, right after we got offstage. Crazy, right?” 
“What did you say?” you asked, stopping in your tracks. You were only across the street from his van now. Only twenty steps. 
But you’d stopped. 
So, Eddie did too.
“I told him I’d think about it,” he replied.
“And have you? Thought about it?”
He tried to read your expression, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
So, he pushed. 
“I don’t know. Hadn’t thought of it before he said anything. I mean, it’s kinda out of nowhere…”
“Do you like him?” you whispered. 
Eddie thought about lying, to try and elicit some form of jealousy from you so he could start the conversation. Gamble and see what happens. But he couldn’t lie to you like that. It wouldn’t be right. It’d just be shitty. 
“Not really. Like, Steve’s pretty and all and he’s a really good friend or whatever. But I just haven’t really thought much about it and then suddenly there he was, poof, asking me out. And, I don’t know, I just thought it was a bit weird.”
You nodded along, looking away. “Yeah, that’s weird.”
Eddie couldn’t help himself. “Do you think I should say yes?”
“You’re asking me?” you asked, your eyebrows pinching together. 
You looked…upset. Why did you look so upset at the question?
“Absolutely,” he said, nodding.
“Why do you want my opinion? I mean, you’ve known him longer.”
Eddie shrugged. “Well, I don’t know. I value your opinion or whatever.”
You scoffed. “I don’t think I should be the determining factor on who you should date.”
You have no fucking clue.
“And if I wanted you to be?” 
The words left his lips before he could save himself and, God, his heart was banging on his flesh, like it was trying to escape. Like it wasn’t able to handle it any more in his wired brain.
You hesitated again. 
“Well, I don’t know.” Before Eddie could ask again, you sighed. “Do what you want, Eddie. Just…be careful.”
He shut his mouth again and nodded. 
“Yeah, alright. Sure.”
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Eddie spent that night analyzing your hesitation. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe you were thinking about how stupid he was or, even worse, maybe you were just too scared to say anything. Like him. 
Your lips had quivered slightly. You were holding back those words again, the ones that felt like they’d already been shared and were waved off by the time you spoke again. And it drove him absolutely crazy.
And instead of asking you, he texted Steve.
About that date… When and where?
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accio-victuuri · 1 year ago
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of photoshoots, hot search, pants & bjyx 🫶🏼
i’m putting this out now incase i get busy at work later and won’t have the time to compose a post. but this is the cpn and some thoughts on what happened this morning. aside from us barely surviving bazaar’s attack! those photos are amazing! i haven’t recovered yet and i cannot wait for the interview ✌🏼
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( using this as a header cause the photographer said it’s their fave)
days before this release, there were already some melons about the magazine cover. i personally shared the one about wyb cause the source seemed legit and fan clubs were confirming too. aside from that, it was also supposedly the day that marie claire will release teasers for xz’s january cover. tho i remember hearing before that his is supposed to be march. again, we can never be so sure with these melons. magazines don’t really care about overlapping with their release cause it depends on the season/month. today for example, there are 3 other magazine covers released aside from yibo’s.
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however it’s interesting that it didn’t happen between xz and wyb. they totally could. even just the teaser wouldn’t hurt. i may just be clowning too hard and going by their pattern of not having their project overlap but i think this is an example. or maybe the melons were all false.
Anyway, this morning, xz marie claire was on hot search cause the teaser was supposedly gonna be posted 10:05 but there was nothing. which is not surprising cause it was a rumor. it was funny tho how people were effectively clowned 😂😂😂
it’s v interesting to see both their names + magazine cover on hs. this is why magazines would always love to feature them cause of the audience they bring. aside from the quality and professionalism too. years later, they are still relevant and will be for a long time!
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there are also some side by side edits by cpfs because of the tank top they wore. they really do match! tho a small part of me is kinda wary when things like this are shared cause it could easily be picked up and used as xz vs wyb by brainless yxh. for international spaces the likelihood of that is small so it’s really more on weibo.
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the fans have good intentions and i understand the tendency to but their similar shoots side by side and all that— i guess i’m just paranoid at times 🙃🙃
their beauty is so effortless!!!! and they both gravitate towards keeping things simple & real.
this too, the curls! the hair! i will forever be thankful that the military haircut era is over and hopefully shall never return!
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the shoot also made wyb’s lip mole more pronounced. it reminds of the fake rumor that wyb said xz took away his mole. lol. he didn’t! it’s still there and they match 🫶🏼
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MY FAVORITE THO IS HOW XIAO ZHAN WENT ONLINE REAL QUICK then went offline again. I remember probably 11:48? and he was online for 13 minutes. Some were low key in panic mode cause what if he posts something? Is he gonna share something about Marie Claire? It’s on HS already so it would make sense. But no. This bitch went online and dipped 😂😂😂😂
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The posting for WYB’s materials was 11-12 so he went at the perfect time when all the photos are already released. So we are clowning that he is online to see the photos and save them all . Did he forget he was on his main and not side account? LOL. What a coincidence. Out of all the days and timeframe he can go online for bit, it’s now? When a certain someone’s magazine content is being released? 👀👀👀👀
Lastly, the pants WYB wore for the shoot is by Courreges which is the same brand ( not exact same pants okay? ) that XZ wore when he went to Singapore. Yes, the one we were clowning about. What a coincidence! 👁️👄👁️
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that’s all. i might post another part to this if something comes up. happy monday ^^ 🦋
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thursdaygrl · 1 year ago
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closed starter for @musingmixtape ... surprise bitch this is how i avoid going overboard on my reply
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Jordan had been itching for this night out, craving it ever since the stress of Evangline breaking her ankle and a fucking freshman becoming their new pas de deux partner compounded and left them an irritated, harsh mess. The weekend was looking clear with no rehearsals scheduled until Monday and Andre had been the one to float the idea through the senior class group chat, in particular messaging the smaller one a slightly more refined group of them used to talk shit about everyone else, about whatever drugs he'd be supplying. It was that same group chat where Jordan had typed and deleted several messages about Marie since they'd been paired, but now following her little stint meeting Jordan's friends in one of the senior classes she was auditing, they wouldn't dare say anything. Everyone seemed to have their heads up her ass except for them. Not to mention... well, Andre was on their fucking shit list for spending that night after their fight dancing with her. It shouldn't have bothered them so much, but it did. That combined with him and Cate eagerly inviting her to the party they were going to? Well, it seemed that everyone was eager to put a damper on Jordan's chance at having some fun. Their jaw was clenched as they stood around Andre and Luke's apartment, shots being poured by Jordan as they hoped somehow Marie would just... forget to show up. At the very least they could pregame hard, throwing back shots of tequila as they hunched over the counter. At he sound of the door, their gaze lifted to meet Marie's all too suddenly. "Late to pregaming, too? Starting to think this is your thing, Moreau." They said, in lieu of a greeting.
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stressedlawsecretary · 1 month ago
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Today's Focus
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If you look closely, you might be able to see my Wicked Glinda scrunchie; it matches rly well with my Sailor Moon sweater. Comic is my fave Pearls Before Swine; the rock & roll version of "Who's On First?"
11.29.24 - It is Black Friday and I'm having a day as if it were Monday instead; left my badge at work, so had to trek back to get it. I wish I were home in bed and had off. The state courts are open even if the federal courts are closed, so the OAG is open; I have to be in office, rather than working from home, because Friday is my reno office day to come check mail and such. Today I have a couple things that must be done so I couldn't even call off and take some of the accrued time I have.
Work - I'm here because I have to physically send a file over to A&O; I already emailed them the necessary information but the case file physically has to get mailed over there as well. So I have to find those files, print the appeal form (God I hope we have the right color paper around) and try and FedEx this bitch out. Wish me luck.
Background Noise - Well I should be able to isolate myself enough to keep watching YT; since I'm not at home I won't be able to access my wrestling - the means by which I access some things are blocked by my work filter as being 'unsafe.' My home computer is set up in such a way as to handle the fact that these websites are not the safest, but I don't have that control with the work PC/laptop. I watched 36 videos between Wednesday & Thursday, so hopefully I can keep that up here.
Study - Friday means I'm reading Wikipedia; I've been doing this, but only the plots/character biographies of some Marvel stuff so I'm going to alternate that with actual serious stuff. I took a break from studying yesterday due to the holiday, but on Wednesday I did fulfil my 'visual study' criteria by watching two videos, both almost an hr long; one was on Henry VIII's wives, and the other was on the conspiracy theory that giants once roamed the Earth.
Extras - Friday means I have to clean the catbox out and prep it for the weekend; I'm making a frozen pizza for dinner in order to keep stuff low-key and stress free. Hunny and I already completed the Kamen Rider OOO episodes for the week so I think we'll probably watch the recently aired behind-the-scenes documentary of Mary Poppins, and a couple episodes of Garo: Makai no Hana. Dad comes home tomorrow so my little alone-time vacation is ending.
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rustbeltjessie · 1 year ago
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Mixtape Monday! Can I ask you to make a battle jacket mix please?
I spent a really long time on this. It was exceedingly difficult to find songs strictly about battle jackets (I only found one!), so I included songs that mention adjacent topics. The Daycare Swindlers are on here because Mark Reiter of DC Swindlers once said: “It’s not about wearing your heart on your sleeve, it’s about making a whole fucking jacket out of it,” which pretty much sums up my entire ethos and is also where I got the title of this mix.
While looking for songs to include, I also remembered this Imogen Binnie quote:
“Her jacket is a work of art. There’s a Kids in the Hall skit where Satan gives a stoner the ability to grow weed out of his head in exchange for his perfect denim jacket: that’s the kind of denim jacket Maria has. Satan would kill for her jacket. Here are its patches: The Bouncing Souls, White Zombie, the word fuck, a little girl holding giant scissors (on plaid), Hello My Name Is DYKE, and, the coup de grace, the whole back is the cover of the first Poison album. It’s not even ironic. Poison rules.” – Imogen Binnie, Nevada
Which in turn led me to this essay (which is about metal battle jackets, whereas I’m more well-versed in punk battle jackets, but it’s still a really good essay).
I also came across this page, where you can peruse photos of some truly excellent battle jackets.
it’s about making a whole fucking jacket out of it
Daycare Swindlers - Big Show (Stomp your steel tip boots some more / Not enough movement on the dance floor)
The Queers - Punk Rock Girls (Leather jackets, stupid boyfriends / Poor report cards, life is just a ball / Hi- top Chucks and bubblegum / And oh my gosh, I'd love to love 'em all / They're so cool their style is never cramped / Too much of everything, and everyone is amped / Well, don't get hot and bothered / Listen, I know I got problems / I also know just what this goofy world needs / Yummy yummy punk rock girls)
Mary Monday & The Bitches - I Gave My Punk Jacket to Rickie
Who Killed Spikey Jacket? - Punks Dress Punk (Don't let them tell you how to dress / Let ME tell you how to dress / Wear studs.)
Mischief Brew - Punx Win! (So, I collect these crumpled, / Beer-stained flyers, / Seven-inches, photographs, / All your old letters that remind me / To look down and back. / Its then I realize our romance / Has its roots in one sub-humans patch.)
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theimperiumchronicles · 1 year ago
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Happy STS! Your characters are invited to a Halloween party; costumes required. Tell me what they're dressing up as and how the night goes. 🙃
Happy STS that tripped and fell over into Monday. ;)
I'm going to skip @theimperiumchronicles and go with some of the others cuz they need love <3
****
@devil-in-the-details-ay
Astaroth - the grim reaper
Yara - A butterfly (at Asti's insistence)
Their night would go lovely because it would not be spent in Hell. They would be on Earth. Where...you'll find out in the story later. ****
@the-andromeda-effect
Caliban - Scrooge (Adira picked it out, everyone else finds it HILARIOUS)
Adira - Aphrodite (Caliban picked it out)
Theron - Toth
Lars - Agent X from Men in Black
Marcin (2nd Bodyguard) - Agent K from Men in Black
The party will be, of course, at the mansion. Adira will have a blast as those around her relax some knowing that all is safe on the estate grounds. There is lots of laughter and fun, not one drop of worry. (this will be vastly different from the Halloween one shot for this storyline)
****
@magical-mistakes-vm
There is a theme here - the whole cast will be dressed up in 1920's attire. Think Magical Mistakes does Peaky Blinders. Of course Vollrath would be Tommy. Balor states that Mahala is NOT Grace (because not dead) or Lizzie (for reasons)...she's some nebulous 3rd female who Tommy doesn't fuck over. *snorts* Balor, being the older brother, is of course Arthur. Baldur grows out his beard to go as Alfie. Elmar does his best to pull a Luca. The party would be hosted by the Coven. No one is going to piss Vollrath or Balor off because...reasons. Mahala would get to meet many of the others from the Coven that she had not already met, which would go very smoothly. The night would be a great success with everyone having a fun time in the 1920's theme.
For funsies, Balor and Elmar both decide once more to try and "steal" Tommy's girl. Now...this goes as expected...but at least this time most of the time they're laughing at the Blinders jokes that go along with it. The only hitch is that afterwards Vollrath and Balor both get teased mercilessly regarding haircuts till they grow out. Definitely season 5...lawd... ****
@princess-of-thieves-id
Diyan/Noar - Capt. Jack Sparrow
Inara/Renisa - Elizabeth Swan
Arik - Will Turner
There will most likely be at some point a sword fight. Someone is going to get slapped, most likely Diyan/Noar. And, just like the movies, Elizabeth Swan will be leaving the party with Will Turner. *laughs*
****
Tapperhet
Meeri - Snow White
Einar - Prince Charming
Lorcan - Huntsman
Elio - King
Thieran - the apple
Hilarity. The night will be pure hilarity. Why did Thieran pick the apple? Because he wasn't damn well going to be the Queen, she was a right bitch. So, instead he wanders around looking like a cast member of an underwear commercial and making way too many jokes involving apples, and fruits, and...it's bad, okay. Just try not to think too hard. That being said, the others all agree he would have slayed in a gown!
****
@behindthesemasks
Melania - her mother. *dies* Who else would be fitting but to go as Marie LaVeau? Marie, coincidentally finds this hilarious and lends her period garments and does her hair and makeup.
Nic - Papa Legba
Alexander - Hamlet
Ambrose - Baron Samedi
Cade - Gede Nibo
Marie - Manman Brigitte
Gabe - Diable Tonnere
Klaus - Baron Criminel
Erik - Guede L'Orage
Dontanion and Francois don't need to dress up, they scare the shit out of people as is.
If you think ANYONE is stupid enough to disrupt a Meirs-LaVeau party on Halloween, of all nights, you would be wrong. Everything will go perfect, because if not...those Loa mentioned...well, they won't just be costumes....
tagging @raincoffeeandfandoms and @call-sign-shark cuz I think you'll find the one for Magical Mistakes a wee bit humorous even if you don't know the characters from that one. (put pics below so you can try to do an imagine)
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Also, Sharkey, I can see Heaven partying it up with LaVeaus...
@blind-the-winds - look what our Magical Mistakes babies are doing!!
@saltysupercomputer - Looook at them all, they's all having funsies!!
@aziz-reads @toribookworm22 @pheita @writingmaidenwarrior
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felony-10 · 1 year ago
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Songs (imo) that are so GhostSoap coded + the lyrics💀🧼
i wanna be your girlfriend - girl in red
“I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips”
“I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna be your bitch”
State of Grace (Taylor’s Version) - Taylor Swift
“So you were never a saint and I loved in shades of wrong, We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts, But this love is brave and wild”
Paper Rings - Taylor Swift
“The wine is cold like the shoulder that I gave you in the street, Cat and Mouse for a month, or two or three, now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe”
“I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”
“I’m with you even if it makes me blue”
“I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays”
epiphany - Taylor Swift
“Crawling up the beaches now, ‘Sir, I think he’s bleeding out”
“With you I serve, with you I fall down”
‘tis the damn season - Taylor Swift
“There’s an ache in you put there by the ache in me, and if it’s all the same to you, it’s the same to me”
“So we can call it even, you can call me babe for the weekend, ‘tis the damn season, write this down”
Delicate - Taylor Swift
“This ain’t for the best, my reputations never been worse so, you must like me for me”
“Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you’re in my head? Cos I know that it’s delicate”
“Stay here honey, I don’t wanna share, cos I like you”
“Sometimes I wonder when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me? Sometimes when I look into your eyes, I pretend your mine all the damn time”
Mary on a Cross - Ghost
“And the truth of the matter is, I’ll never let you go”
“We were scanning the cities rocking to pay the dues, But besides all the glamour, all we got was bruised”
“We were searching for reasons to play by the rules, but we quickly found it was just for fools”
Sign of the Times - Harry Styles
“We never learn we’ve been here before, why are we always stuck and running from the bullets?”
“Just stop your crying it’ll be all right, they told me that the end is near, we gotta get away from here”
“We can meet again somewhere, somewhere far away from here”
“We don’t talk enough, we should open up, before it’s all too much”
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showfallmediamaintenance · 1 year ago
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GOD FUCKING DAMNIT YOU OLD ASS BITCH...... sorry for that I'm just not in a good mood, i wasn't gonna log back into my main until monday but i was using a backup and pardon this but WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!!!!!! -📼
FUCKING FINALLY, MARI. JESUS CHRIST. I'M IGNORING THAT FIRST PART. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING WORRIED I'VE BEEN?
First! You leave the hospital and vanish off of social media, then, you don't answer any messages until like, a bit ago, which was the rudest fucking thing you've ever sent to me, by the fucking way. And now you reappear only to ask me what I WAS THINKING?
Short answer, I wasn't!
Now! Where the fuck have you been?
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djmossback · 2 years ago
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Spacebar 17 June 2023
2100 hrs
Dazz Band, Let It Whip (7" Motown)
Patrice Rushen, Forget Me Nots (7" Elektra)
Naked Eyes, Promises Promises (7" Manhattan)
David Bowie, Let’s Dance (12” long mix)
Sylvester, Do You Wanna Funk (12" 45 rpm long cut)
Ace, How Long (7")
Queen, Crazy Little Thing Called Love (7" Elektra)
Wham, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (7" UK cut)
Go-Go’s, We Got The Beat (7" Stiff Records)
Wang Chung, Dance Hall Days (LP cut)
Link Wray, Rumble (LP cut, Rhino Instrumental Rock v/a)
Bush Tetras, Too Many Creeps (7" 99 records)
Dry Cleaning, Scratchcard Lanyard (7" 4AD)
Wire, Ahead (12" Enigma)
Heatwave, The Groove Line (7" Epic Records)
2200 hrs
Pet Shop Boys, West End Girls (12" extended mix, Manhattan Records)
Cheryl Lynn, Got To Be Real (7" Columbia)
Tears For Fears, Change (7" Polygram import)
DEVO, Whip It (7" Warners)
Amii Stewart, Knock On Wood (12" Ariola)
ZZ Top, Sleeping Bag (12" 45rpm extended mix)
Vince Staples, Big Fish (LP cut)
Abyssinians, Declaration Of Rights (LP cut)
Nazareth, Hair Of The Dog (LP cut)
Cramps, What’s Inside A Girl (12" 45rpm cut)
Nelly, Hott In Herre (12" cut)
Janet Jackson, What Have You Done For Me Lately (12" extended mix)
Kylie Minogue, Can’t Get Blue Monday Out Of My Head (12" promo)
Apollonia 6, Sex Shooter (12" 45 RPM cut Paisley Park/wea)
2300 hrs
Positive K, I Gotta Man (12" cut)
Taste Of Honey, Rescue Me (LP cut)
G.Q., Boogie Oogie Oogie (7" Arista)
Thundercat, Them Changes (LP cut, 45RPM 10")
Kendrick Lamar, YAH (LP cut, faded early, due to.....)
Treasure Valley Roller Derby interruption.
Herbie Hancock, Chameleon (LP cut)
Toto, Hold The Line (LP cut)
Thin Lizzy, Boys Are Back In Town (LP cut)
Michael Jackson, Workin’ Day and Night (7" Epic Records)
Confidence Man, First Class Bitch (12" mix)
TLC, No Scrubs (12" mix w/rap)
Mary Jane Girls, In My House (7" Motown)
Cyndi Lauper, Girls Just Want To Have Fun (7" mix)
Carla & Otis, Tramp (7" Stax)
S.O.S Band, Take Your Time (Do It Right) (7" mix)
Kim Wilde, Kids In America (7" )
Midnight
Soho, Hippychick (12" extended mix, WEA/Sire)
Sleaford Mods, Nudge It (LP Cut)
Laid Back, White Horse (12" 45RPM extended cut)
Killing Joke, Follow The Leader (LP Cut)
Gap Band, You Dropped a Bomb On Me (LP Cut)
Wreckz-n-Effect, Rump Shaker (12" extended cut)
Cypress Hill, How I Could Just Kill A Man (12" mix, some German ep)
Nena, 99 Luftballoons (7" GMBH SCHALLPLATTEN)
Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark, Souvenir (7" Dindisc ep)
ESG, You’re No Good (7" Factory/99 Records FAC 34)
PJ Harvey, Down By The River (7" Island UK, 33rpm)
Junior Murvin, Police & Thief (7" Upsetter Records)
The Orb, Little Fluffy Clouds (12" extended mix)
Wire, Go Ahead (7" Harvest Records, B-side of Map Ref)
Sun Atoms, Half Robot, Half Butterfly
Finished about 0125
TASTING NOTES
I was ridiculously uninspired going in. Did my best. Had the added wrinkle of the roller derby afterparty, so I played to them a bit.
My dreams of reordering my crates were wrecked by my surprise, early this week, that it was indeed Third Space Saturday week.
I had a chill set for 1-2am foundered by a drunk* that broke my concentration. Plus, I ran out of records. I don't have a problem with people coming up and saying something, like the person who came up during the ZZ Top record, and asked what mix it was! And having the Treasure Valley Roller Derby after season party in the Space was a blast! It would have been nice to know that beforehand, so I could have loaded up on some sassy and aggresive women for the mix! I apologize. They were a great crowd. They did their thing, had a good time, and I enjoyed playing to them.
Elusive Panda Buck Dave from the Dedicated Servers dropped by and said hello, so did the Real Rah-Keem.
Jules came up and requested "weird shit," like that Clipping jam that I throw in the regular set. So, I’m envisioning the 1-2 am bonus as a set for those of us who work there.
We turned the volume down, and I threw on some down tempo tracks. It's something I want to explore further.
*That drunk doesn’t know how close he came to getting destroyed by my brother in law Jeff. Seriously. He just kept pushing the nonsense, and it totally broke me. Asking me questions about the Mariners gear, and distracting me with questions about Seattle sports, and saying off the wall things like "93rd and Aurora." without elaborating on it. Jeff stepped in to wing man for me, and endured the nonsense. Like I have done many times for DJ IGA back when he occupied the booth. Jeff knows how to hang without demanding to be entertained by a person AT THEIR JOB WHO IS TRYING TO CONCENTRATE!! Well, whatever. I'm going to have to work hard to overcome things like that. Part of the gig.
Next Third Space is 15 July, 2023. I swear I will have some different jams next time.
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falsebooles123 · 2 years ago
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Car Trouble and a Full Scredule - Diary of a Big Ole Gay - 3/26/23
Hey Whores, I'm back after what feels like a ridicolous long week.
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Let Me get into it. Monday morning my second kitchen job cuts my hours because they got a new guy. He seems pretty Chill, Then both the business meetings and date I had planned on monday got reschreduled for the middle of the week. My car has been acting up so I had to deal with the stress of driving a ticking time bomb that I don't know whats wrong with it to work because I need the money. and my scredule changed again friday like a couple hours before work. That was when I set up my second checking and spent a bunch of money because my bills had already came out. It was like 40 bucks but y'know what I deserved to treat myself. Also this was the weekend so not only did we have a shitshow of a friday prime rib night dinner but I also got to finally do a dinner service on the line. The fact that they have a bonified dishwasher now instead of just recreating that thing were your mom passive-aggresively bitches about the dishes because no one else will wash them.
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(I'm the mom in this context, also this was the only gif I could find that didn't give people seizures or was literally porn.)
so I had a lot going on. I also watched a bunch of TV and did manage to catch a few films since the last week we did this.
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Caged! (1950) dir. John Cromwell
Some people have called this this the Godmother of the Women in Prison movies and you wouldn't be remised to notice its DNA in later films and shows like Orange is the New Black.
I talked about it in a lot more depth on Letterboxd so I'll try my best to summerize.
First the movie is about a young ingenue named marie who is sent to an all-women prison on trumped up charges, the film makes a point to discuss the cruelity from the prison guards, including the trunchbullian Matron Harper, the lack of resources for the prisoners, and how oftentimes this type of uncivil atmosphere and lack of real resources to reintergrate them into society cause most of these women to return or in marie's case enter into a life of crime.
Luckily we have fixed all these issues in the prison system and thats totally not the same issues we have today /s
As I have said this is the Proto-Woman in Prison film, perhaps the ur-WIP movie and thus the question is raised.
What About The Lesbians!!!!????
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So first I will say that this film is not textually queer, Marie is not eating kitty the second she gets into lockup but the film I will say has a queer sensibility.
I'm just going to quote my Letterboxd Review.
"and the answer is probably. I've haven't read the book that this is based on so I can't tell you if Kellog talked about it but this is a womens prison honey we can guess. We have to remember that this is in the middle of the haes code and so you couldn't have a character just be like, "hi, I like women". That being said there are a few choice lines that hint at that kind of thing. Kitty mentions that after awhile "You don't even think about men, you just fall out of the habit", a newspaper discusses prison immorrality, which probably is reffering to like gambling and smoking cigerettes but might hint at a more siturational inversion so to speak. 
Outside of these supposed oblique references there is the culteral queerness of it. The aestetic aspect of queer coding. First there is obviosly a lot of butchness about this film. we have just a fuckton of these butch tops in this film from Kitty(Betty Garde), Elvira (Lee Patrick) to the trunchbullian Everlyn Harper (Hope Emerson), to even the prison warden Benton (Agnes Moorehead). they all have this kind of dominant aggression to them. This masculinization. 
And this trope continues, Marie has her head shaved at a crucial part of the film and there is the repeated motif of the women doing rollcall were they have to speak there last names first, Marie Allen, now being called ALLEN, marie. Its literally patronymic. 
On one hand we can absoulutely interpret this trope as a comment on how prison dehumanized women, talking away there individality especially there vanity. The social way that they are able to express themselves. And this is emphasized a lot actually, the gift of lipstick at christmas, the head shaving, the fact that Marie asks for a brush during her mugshot and the guard quips back, "why theres no men here".
And I think its important to recognize that this type of dehumanization is different from mens prisons because our sense of vanity is different. A man can affirm his gender by getting jacked in prison but a women can't affirm herself along traditional feminity the system is designed in a certain way to masculinize that experience. In some small sense the very notion of a womans prison is a queer space outside of its constuct as a gynocentric space. 
(note: prison cosmetology is absolutely a thing and women perform a lot of amazing feats of ingenuity, from like tattoing on eyebrows to making makeup out of magazine ink and deoderant but note that these are ways of subverting a system not a byproduct of that system)
Even if we except the trope of a womans prison as a non-normative gendered space its also important to notice that one of the main conflicts in this film is not just between trunchbully Harper and her cruality against Marie, but also between the power struggle of "Corrupting" Marie by the hands of Evelyn and Kitty, who both want her to join there crime syndicate. Marie at one points says "If I said No to Kitty why would I say yes to you". Both of these characters are maternal in a sense but they also take on a very lesbian coding. Evelyn makes a point to gift the women feminine products for christmas, (makeup and a handmirror). In a straight lens its another commentary on femeninity and Evelyns power in the system through a queer lens its almost courtship. This is the type of thing you could buy your girlfriend as a present. In some ways A Life of Crime and Criminal Gayness are symbolic analogs to each other"
Honestly if you were a fan of Orange is the New Black or just like Butch Crime Donnas then this is a pretty good time. Another one of those "This is honestly not that gay but it was an absolute iconic piece of cinema so thank you" movies.
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Tea and Sympathy (1956) dir Vincente Minnelli
This was one of those films that took me like a week to watch.
So I've quoted vito russo like 15 times at this point so let me just summerize the vibe. Basically theres a guy in this movie whose a sissy, he dances, he's in theater, he even sews. Wow, what a faggot. and none of the other boys want him to play in their raindeer games because he threatens there fragile masculinity. What I'm saying is that the first half of this TWO HOUR FILM, is just him being bullied for being a sissy.
I'm also saying this shit was highly triggering as both a cocksucker and a limp-wrist soyboy.
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(oh god I just had a truamatic flashback were a church mom and her daughter were mocking me for being a limp-wrist faggot and I didn't understand why they asked me to do the limp wrist gesture. and so i'm just puzzled at this random gesture they wanted me to reinnact while my father is just visable angry sitting besides me. Honestly first fuck them and also my dad might be a homophobic asshole but at least he had the decency to never call me a slur.)
so childhood truama and complicated relationship with my father aside after we get through the very long and insuffrable queer misery porn we get to the actually fun part of the movie where there are HORNY MILFS. HORNY MILFS IN YOUR AREA.
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THESE WOMAN WANT TO FUCK! NO CREDIT CARDS! HOOKUPS ONLY! CLICK NOW!!!!
yeah basically this movie is two hours of this guy making moves on his landlords wife while the guy is out hanging out with a bunch of twinks.
as I said in my extremly long write-up on the topic. T&S is absolutely a good film in showcasing what this type of homophobia and toxic masculinity is like and it was controversal for a reason but I also want to recognize that as a queer person this shit was hard to sit through.
so for a bit of fun yet another LB quote.
Because this shit is true to life. It feels very reminescent of my own experiences with homophobia. The kind that is more subtle and exclusionary and so while this is a objectively subversive and provokative film. I'm still going to relegate it to "Things I'm making Straight People watch during pride month while I leave the room". Its a double feature with brokeback mountain. Whats that.... thats four hours of Queer Misery Porn. Well too damn bad. Maybe if you stopped sharing those proto-terf facebook memes we could have watched Cruising or Rocky Horror. Sit Down, Shut Up, and relive my childhood trauma and daddy issues straiggot.
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The Strange One (1957) dir. Jack Garfein
One of the weirdest episodes of Haze Him I've ever seen.
Jokes aside The Strange One is basically this drama set at a military academy. Person with a real name. Jocko De Paris, (I'm not making that up), is basically one of those rich assholes who is also criminal insane. He manipulates a group of other cadets into getting a guy expelled for being drunk.
Why did he do this. Well if you believe morissey (yes that Morissey), its because Paris is a little bit of a closet queen.
This film is weirdly homoerotic for no discernable reason. The queerness of the characters have nothing to do with it the director was like I'm going to make a movie with deep ideas about the nature of evil and tyranny and also everyones going to kind want to suck dick.
Another one of those films thats honestly kinda slow but I still think about the visuals.
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Everything Else I Watched This Week
oof ok I finished Re: Mind, loved it messy moe drama made no goddamn sense would watch again.
Tried to watch Circus of Fear which is a Rialto Crime Movie but not one of the Krimi Films. Also Really Boring.
Also binged the second season of carole and tuesday. I loved it, the shows not perfect but I had so much fun with it.
I also saw Free Guy which.... was fun. I'm sorry but not every blockbuster is going to be worth adding to the Falseboolesey Hall of Fame. Also its like a second-rate Lego Movie which is without any irony. A modern Classic.
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(this is non-negotiable. The lego movie is a deep introspection on the apollian vs dionysian drives, an exploration of childhood and adult perspectives and are fear of the joy of choas. It also may literally be cladestine Agritprop)
I also tried to have a Falsebooles123 Kinema movie night. I watched Grandma's Boy which people mention a lot as the prime example of like the sissy trope but honestly I don't remember anything about the film. I kinda just blanked out.
anyway whores. I have an entire week off starting tomorrow so its going to be a lot of editing, yard work, and doing some prep stuff for april which will be so busy. I'm excited through. I'm also very close to watching all the films I could find in the internet archive so theres that. woot woot.
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trashbaget · 2 years ago
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hey bitches 💖
🎼 it’s music monday 🎶
💫oof it’s been a while 😬 but happy fucking monday!!! monday’s my favorite day of the week if you didn’t know by the way! here are some tunes that have been my fucking rocks lately☺️🌱
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jodilin65 · 16 years ago
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SATURDAY, MAY 31, 2008 We went to pick up the mail and I was reminded of just how much I hate the city. It’s one thing to do shopping and errands in it, but I’m sooo glad we don’t have to live in it! I don’t know how long it’ll be before we get bounced back into it, but for now, I’m glad to escape the chaos!
So are the new rats we got. This time we did it right! One’s a little shy, but not nearly as skittish as them bitches we made the mistake of getting. They’re both males and quite young, just a couple of months old. The others had to be between 4-6 months. It’s hard to find them this young. I’ve been calling them Brownhead and Blackhead for now, since they both have dark heads and light bodies with dark stripes running down their backs. Brownhead, who’s a little smaller than Blackhead, is my favorite so far. Despite still being reserved, they both let us pat them and pick them up, though they’re still not into being picked up much yet. Still, on day one we’re already way further with them than we ever got with the last pair. I took some pictures which I sent Jessie, who I tried calling a few times but wasn’t home.
We also stopped at Safeway so he could get a money order for the rent, then grabbed a few things to hold us over till he goes to Walmart tomorrow.
Other than a letter from Mary, there wasn’t anything too good other than a Neutrogena Wave facial deep cleanser. Just some crappy wins like hats and a timer or calculator of some kind. Tom will check it out later and see just what it is.
THURSDAY, MAY 29, 2008 A part of me regrets dumping the rats. Maybe bad rats really are better than no rats. We’ll be on the hunt again for rats this weekend, and this time I’ll try to get males. They may not be as smart, but they sure do tend to be nicer!
The weather’s been nice and it’s still quiet almost all the time. It’s so nice to be surrounded by nothing but nature and to look out at a rocky hillside in front and nothing but trees in back. Been working on my book since I get to do it in such a peaceful setting that’s only disrupted by an occasional bark. One of the fun things about writing is that I get to do what I can’t do in reality. I can’t bring Tinkerbell back for real, but I can bring her back to life in my stories.
I finally won something good – Glamorazzi perfume. It’s kind of expensive with a value of $35 even though it’s only 1.7 oz.
The more I think about it, the more I agree with Tom; Jesse’s not going to screw us over. But not for the reasons he believes he won’t. See, I wasn’t kidding when I said something up there loves to protect our perps. Yet for the first time ever, we’re the ones with the leverage here. Do you know how easy it’d be to burn this place down? Therefore, I doubt God (or whatever) would let him screw us when it’d be so easy to fight back.
It seems unlikely that Jesse forgot to finish the roof like he forgot to get a screen for the slider. We don’t care if he remembers either one of them to tell you the truth.
Tom’s going to pay the rent right on the 1st, even though it’s a Sunday. He doesn’t want them to get in the habit of expecting the rent to be paid early.
MONDAY, MAY 26, 2008 Tom turned 2 bucks into 80 bucks yesterday at the racetrack! This wasn’t by using his program but by his own handicapping some races with huge payoffs. He didn’t expect to win thousands, of course, but he didn’t expect the $80 either. So now he has plenty of money in the account to start placing some bets using the program once he irons out any kinks that may be in it.
Last night we heard a loud bang as if something fell against the house. Whatever it was set the dogs off, but when he went out to look around he didn’t find anything unusual. I glanced out back when the sun came up but didn’t see anything. Didn’t hear anything either other than a rooster.
We got plate holders the other day and Tom helped me hang my 4 decorative plates up yesterday. After I get the few dolls I have my heart set on, I think I’ll take a break from dolls for a while since I’ve got so many and focus on some beautiful home décor pieces by Lena Liu and Thomas Kinkade. One of my plates is by Lena Liu, the one my mother loved and borrowed for a while. I was going to send it back to her, but I doubt I’ll do that at this point even if I hear from her again someday. Most of their stuff is cheaper than dolls! They have a lot of decorative plates, figurines, ornaments, carousels, music boxes, wall hangings and more. These consist of colorful paintings mostly of flowers, butterflies and hummingbirds.
SUNDAY, MAY 25, 2008 I dyed my hair burgundy this morning. It sure was easier to do at this length, but with a poorly lit bathroom and a mauve tub, it was hard to tell if I rinsed it well enough. I think I did, though. The bottom half is darker because that’s where the old faded black dye was. The rest looks great. Wish it could stay that way all the time and I wish it didn’t grow so damn fast, too. I swear it’s grown since it’s been cut just 8 days ago. Jessie says she loves it (I just emailed her pictures the other day), but that I wasn’t smiling at all in those pictures. I’ll send her a burgundy smile real soon!
The weather’s been cold and rainy, not good for late May, but at least the wins are picking up again. There were a few piddly wins waiting at the mail place yesterday. Piddly, but wins nonetheless.
Tom’s about to work on the horses again. It’s nice to know that the worst-case scenario wouldn’t be so bad, and that’s us remaining here if they don’t work out. Why rent a place in a retirement community for twice as much, when we can just stay here where it’s no doubt even quieter? We’d only move if we could buy something outright that’d be bigger and newer.
It feels so good to know that Tom doesn’t have to cash his paycheck this week and that he can wait till next Friday and cash two at once! I hope to hell we never go through another slow-motion nightmare again in our lives! I’ll never take the good times for granted again, that’s for sure. I think of Michelle in the office right now. Tom won’t be signing in today or having to do laundry, and there’s plenty of food, too!
Jesse still hasn’t finished the roof. Hope he doesn’t wait till I’m back on nights again! At least we finally managed to make it a little easier to sleep by plugging the sound machine into the stereo so it could be played louder. It also helps not to take Claritin and to have the remote control for the cooler. We still need to set the thermostat, though, so I don’t have to wake up hot when he’s not here to adjust it. Still, going to sleep stressed out over Jesse waking me up along with the heat, sure beats the kind of stress I went through at the motel, wondering how we’d pay for the room, for our stuff, for gas, for food, etc. Had we died back there, we’d never have lived to enjoy coming home yesterday morning with tons of food and nothing but the sound of raindrops falling on the roof.
FRIDAY, MAY 23, 2008 Tom woke up with a bad belly, something he seems to have a lot lately, even when he doesn’t overeat. Should I be worried about this? I hope there’s nothing going on, yet it seems that while God was quick to answer most of my prayers from October till we left the motel, nothing listens to me here. Not for the most part, anyway. I’ve prayed for him to not be so run down by his job, to find a better job, for the horses to take off, for me to start winning again, for me not to have to live with ear pain nearly every day, which we now suspect could be an elevation thing. Right now we’re close in elevation to Phoenix, so I’m hoping it will get better in time. Meanwhile, after Memorial Day, we hope he finds a job before they even think of letting him go because things are getting really slow at work lately. We don’t care at this point if it doesn’t pay more. We just want the security and the benefits, although if he’s able to work closer to home, it’ll seem like a better-paying job even if it���s not. He’s now paying $200 a month in just gas! If God isn’t supposed to make any mistakes, then why do Arabs exist???
As for the horses, he hasn’t even had time to work on them, and I haven’t won shit. Because I haven’t been winning much, and because gas is outrageous, we cut the mail runs back to just once a week. So if he comes back with no wins or win-notices this Saturday, I’m going to seriously consider hanging up sweeping for a while and just get into writing more often. It isn’t every day we get to live in a place this quiet, so I ought to take advantage of it while it lasts. I doubt I could bring myself to quit sweeping altogether, though. I just wouldn’t bother entering dailies every day unless they were instants or for huge prizes. Instead, I’d just make sure everything got entered at least once, then leave the rest to fate.
The rats are gone now. Tom left that decision up to me, and well, I got sick of trying to get them to be what they could never be; sociable, friendly rats who want to interact with us other than to get food from us. It seems bad rats stay bad and good rats stay good. There’s no changing them or knowing exactly what you’re getting till you get them home. When we can turn an aggressive control freak like my mother into a mellow, sensitive soul, then we can change rats’ personalities. It really sucks that they turned out to be the way they were, and it sucks all the more that I can never have my Tinkerbell again. Someday we’ll try again and we’ll keep whatever we get at that point, and call it meant to be.
I dumped them in the ditch down past the shed. I first made sure no one was out and about at Jesse’s place, but it’s so hard to see through the trees anyway. There are only a few places where if you stand in just the right spot you can see through. I once saw someone standing on a deck up there, but only through this one little gap. Nonetheless, my flip-flops seemed to echo off the hillside as I walked them down to the edge of the ditch. I then dumped them out of the pail I had them in and shooed them downward. I thought they may actually like it better in the wild since they never cared for people, figuring they could survive on the plant life as well as the ditch water in what’s not a harsh climate, but Tom thinks that cats will get them within a week. Oh well. Whatever happens is going to happen. They were not only not friendly with us, but they fought like hell with each other all night long, and even that got old.
Speaking of my mom and dad, it’s now been half a year since I’ve heard from them, so yes, this has to mean one thing and one thing only; while they may be ok with my writing to them, they don’t wish to write to me or to keep in touch in any way. If there was something wrong, someone would’ve told me. Therefore, I’ve put the package I had intended to send them on hold for now. The big test will come next month. If they don’t contact us around our anniversary and his birthday, then I’ll know I can pretty much count on not hearing from them again. Again, I hate to bother with those who don’t want to bother with me, although I’d be totally lying if I said I wasn’t gladder than not that they’ve chosen to ignore me. I don’t get why they’d help get us out of the jam we were in just to go on ignoring me, but we’ll always be grateful just the same. Despite our gratitude, however, their saving us doesn’t detract from the fact that they’re just not the type of people I care to associate with. They still are who they are and they’ve still done the things they’ve done. People just don’t literally “forgive and forget.” At least not like we may sometimes wish we could! If you want to literally forgive and forget someone who’s wronged you, really wronged you, then you better hope for a case of clear-cut amnesia, cuz that’s just about what it would take!
Jesse hasn’t returned to finish the roof or cut up the fallen tree. I just hope that when he does, he does so when I’m awake!
I stopped the Claritin for now since all it seems to do is mess up my sleep. It doesn’t always snuff my appetite or help my ear anyway.
I’m still at 142 and my body’s fighting against losing any more weight big time by being stuck a lot. I’m trying to make up for it with water loss by drinking the tea, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that this is as low as I’ll go. You know cutting back hasn’t cut it for me once I got over 35. I’d have to practically starve to get off anymore and that’s no fun way to live.
Ashley has new shoes on their way from Massachusetts. Pink slides I got on eBay for just $17 total, including shipping. I’ve now got $43 in spending money, and of course, the tax rebate is just a couple of weeks away. After we get that, we’ll get a new mailbox here in Auburn.
Paula can expect her package to arrive right around the 30th, her 41st birthday. She’s another one I wonder if I’ll ever hear from again. She’s probably been calling our old number. I made sure to give her our new one, so maybe she’ll call soon enough.
I was going to call Jessie this weekend, but since I’m still sort of on nights, I’ll do it next weekend instead.
The weather’s been cooler and we’re in for some rain over the next few days. He got the same room-darkening shades that stick on that I had in the Klam dump for the two side windows in the living room that are single-paned. The new double-paned window that Jesse recently installed didn’t need them, but the old ones sure did for really hot days. Tom aimed his temperature-telling gadget on it when it was near 100º and it was 130º!
TUESDAY, MAY 20, 2008 I’m now down 5 pounds in 2 weeks at 142 pounds. I thought that was a normal rate, but Tom says it’s too fast and why I may be feeling so out of it today. It’s weird that I’m still dropping. I haven’t had any tea, Claritin or been dieting for a few days now. Haven’t decided yet if I’ll take a break or chuck 5 more pounds. As short as I am, just a few pounds lost or gained really shows, so we can easily see a difference. I’m down 2-3” all around. Of course I’m exercising, too.
The rats are still skittish, but since they don’t bite and are a little friendlier, we may keep them. They sure are cute. I’ll take some pictures once I can get them to stay still long enough. We both agree that these crazies are our compensation for the last rat being so great, as this dry spell I’ve been having with no wins is our compensation for the 9K. Part of that win was my influencing it out of sheer desperation. It was either that or staying cooped up in what was basically a glorified jail cell forever!
MONDAY, MAY 19, 2008 Jesse’s fucking motorcycle woke me up after 4 hours of sleep this morning, though I fell back asleep shortly afterward without an attack. I’m just destined not to be able to sleep anywhere in the daytime no matter where I live! And why is it that Tom can sleep through this kind of shit and more and I can’t? At least one of us can. Nonetheless, I told God, “Hey, you gave me this schedule problem, so why don’t you at least allow me to sleep whenever I’m scheduled to sleep?” But I think that’s part of the sleep curse itself. Not just to curse me out of keeping a schedule, but to curse me out of sleeping well, too. I only sleep well at night.
Tom says he’s surprised at how good my hair looks and how well it fits my face. I just like the comfort and ease it brings. Washing it was so easy and it dried so fast! Old habits do die hard, though. When I was getting dressed and I pulled my shirt over my head I automatically went to pull my hair out, but there was nothing to pull out!
SUNDAY, MAY 18, 2008 Gone is over 2’ of hair. Yeah, I finally got sick enough of it to have Tom hack it off, and soon I’ll be dying it auburn. I considered going only up to my waist so I could still braid it but then said nah, I need a break from it. All of it. So it’s been cut to my shoulders. I now have a little stub of a ponytail that’s so lightweight compared to the heavy long drape I was shrouded in before. No more having to wait an hour for it to dry or having to braid it and tie it in a knot just to sleep with it. But it grows so fast that by the time I get to missing the really long hair despite its hassles, it’ll be well on its way to being long again. In 2012 I’ll sit on it again.
It’s been extremely hot and even humid, too. I love the moisture the humidity gives my skin, but it’s been causing more attacks and congestion, so Tom got a de-humidifier for $150. I don’t know why waking up too early means I have to have attacks lately, but the only thing we could come up with was the humidity. Either way, my sleep is so cursed no matter what when I try to sleep during the daytime. The Claritin causes me to sleep worse than I did in the city, so I’m taking a day or so off from it.
I got down to 143, but I’m sure I’m already back up a pound or two. The weight will never come off unless I either starve or they come out with a magic pill. If they haven’t already come up with some magic pill, it’s unlikely they ever will, and I sure as hell won’t ever develop enough willpower to starve it off, so I’ll just stay fat and enjoy life. I don’t have to be thin to do the things I like to do, although being heavier does make it a bit harder to get around and I expect my weight will only keep climbing throughout my life, but hey, there’s nothing I can do about it.
Jesse came down Friday for the trash which is now going to be picked up on Thursdays. He said that when it’s cooler he’ll come cut up the tree that went down. Yeah, and I’m sure it will be when I’m trying to sleep. At least he and Maryann haven’t turned out to be the pests I started to worry they may be. Still, they talk about a washroom, a back deck, repainting the outside, and the roof still isn’t done yet and it’s like, enough is enough or drop the rent, will ya?!
We ended up spending $320 at Best Buy yesterday evening, so now we have to watch our money for the rest of the month until the tax rebate arrives in a few weeks. If nothing serious breaks, we should be ok. The vacuum finally broke, though it was a cheap piece of shit that we knew wouldn’t last long. So a new vacuum was one of the things we got. This one’s bigger, heavier, more powerful, and twice the cost.
We also got a DVD player and new headphones for me. I’ve been wanting new headphones for quite a while now. The ones I had, which I got when we moved into the duplex, were never that comfortable and they couldn’t handle bass well. They too, were cheap junk and so they broke as well.
THURSDAY, MAY 15, 2008 What happened with Jessie was that she wrote a letter about a customer that she accidentally sent to the customer. I was cracking up over that one as it must’ve been some letter! Although her husband David doesn’t make much money as a machinist, she may try to seek out a part-time job that pays better so she can afford to be home with her daughter more often. Daycare costs almost as much as our rent! I’m so glad that’s one financial hardship we’ve never had to face on top of all the others.
Yesterday evening as the sun was setting, I was crossing the living room when all of a sudden I heard this crackling sound. I first thought of firecrackers till it registered in my brain as all wrong. Like what would Jesse be doing up the hill setting off firecrackers, right? So I stepped outside but didn’t see anything at first. I heard sounds of something slipping and sliding and thought animals were on the roof. After all, this isn’t the city where people are the number one ruler. This is the country where animals rule. Animals live with people in the city, but here in the woods, we live with them. But then I saw that a tree went down at the base of the driveway, so I texted Tom at work and let him know. Fortunately, he was able to get around it. I left Maryann a message since Jesse never answers his phone, but haven’t heard from them. Jesse might be out of town on a construction job cuz we haven’t heard him drive in or out at all today. Tom said he went to pull it out since the trunk was only about 5” around, but then all kinds of trees started firecracking around him, which then explained why so many people are out chainsawing trees lately. Some trees grow too fast for the branches to support the new growth. It’s a good thing the trailer and shed are set back far enough so they can’t be attacked by any trees! It was one of the palmish ones that went down.
Since no one’s been down to deal with it and all’s been quiet up the hill, I wonder if Jesse’s finally working again. I hope so! With him working that should mean fewer motors, less barking and more privacy. When I was outside a couple of days ago in the late afternoon I heard him call out to some guy, “What time are you going to be here tomorrow in the morning?” He definitely loves to work on things. I just hope he’s not prepping the place to sell it anytime soon! He’s mentioned doing projects at his place, too.
Today’s the third day out of all the days we’ve been here so far that I haven’t heard the dogs at all.
I’m very happy for the gays of California! The Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional to deny gay marriages. While they had civil unions, they now allow gay marriage like Massachusetts, giving them a full range of benefits. Of course the bigoted religious conservatives are going to fight for an amendment come November.
Jessie said friends of her father are getting married on the Massachusetts side of his land (I didn’t know there was a Massachusetts side) that are the nicest guys.
These rats have turned out to be no fun, I’m sorry to say. They’re quick to run up to us when we get near the cage and they’ll take food from us, but they’re so damn skittish that they won’t let us pick them up, nor will they stand still and allow themselves to be patted. I’d say we’re definitely going to get rid of them soon. We just don’t know if we’re going to turn them loose in the woods here or bring them back to the store. I miss rats who want to socialize with us! I miss my Tinkerbell and other rats we’ve had like Blondie and Little Buddy who would run to me, follow me around, sit on my lap and let me scratch their backs. I hate rats that I have to scare into going back into their cages, and that run from me the moment I try to handle them. But the sucky thing about it is that you just can never know what you’re bringing home till after you get it home.
I started taking Claritin D again to drain my inner ear congestion and just like before, it’s causing me to wake up a lot during my sleep, and to lose my appetite as well. Maybe there will be an ‘after’ picture after all. I was starting to doubt it for a while there, though I’m still older and not expecting to get down to the 110 pounds I should be. But I might lose 10 pounds or so.
Later…
Maryann did leave a message after all. She said Jesse would be down in the morning (no doubt after I’ve fallen asleep) to take care of the tree. She said he heard it fall too, but didn’t know where it was.
MONDAY, MAY 12, 2008 Week 1 on the diet only dropped me two pounds. Tom says that’s a reasonable amount to expect to lose each week. Yeah, but that’s only if it keeps working. If not I’ll have to make some adjustments and hope for the best. We got a new scale, though, and I was right about the one we had being way too low. When I checked out the before picture Tom took I could clearly see right away there was no way I could be under 140. So Tom got a new digital scale and sure enough, the 137 the old scale told me I started at was really 147. Who’d have ever thought I’d gain so much weight?! Imagine if I’d had kids? I’d be around 200 now! It’s perfectly normal, though, like it or not. Your average person gains 30-50 pounds once they hit middle age.
Jessie had a bad day, but I didn’t understand her email. Something about a customer’s note, her boss being pissed, her chances not good for getting the job she wants because she has no accounts receiving skills. Then why would they even consider interviewing her in the first place and getting her hopes up for nothing?
My worst Netwinner nightmares have come true, and we’re out $225. They’ve finally admitted they can’t afford to pay their members, although they’re blaming it on “fraudulent” players rather than their own stupidity, and have credited us with double the number of points instead for prize draws. So I’m just going to redeem my points for their stupid contests I’ll almost certainly never win, then be done with them for good.
All good things really do come to an end.
Shortly after 4:00, Jesse rode down on his ATV with some kid in his late teens to early 20s. I thought they were going to finish the roofing project or get something from the pile of stuff he has across from the shed, but instead, they just turned around and left. So just what was up with that? Was he just checking on his stuff? Assuming no one was home because he saw no vehicle here? I never went out because I was cooking and not exactly presentable. He’ll just have to learn to call first. I have a feeling that even after all the home improvement projects are done, not seeing the owner for months at a time as was the case in the Klam, won’t be the case here. Oh, well. No place is perfect, and despite the scattered barks and engine-gunning sprees that seem to be a thing of the country, it’s been heaven! I still wish we owned our own place, though!
WEDNESDAY, MAY 7, 2008 Yesterday Jesse put up the support beams and today the wooden planks. It really helps shade the front of the house. He’s on one of his engine-gunning sprees right now, so I’ve got the music cranked up. My new 13-dollar-a-month Rhapsody radio, since my 6-dollar Yahoo radio is no longer available for purchase. Microsoft is buying them out.
It’s been otherwise peaceful around here. I heard voices up at Jesse’s place, so maybe he doesn’t live alone. Either that or he has a lot of company because we’ve heard voices several times up there. I don’t feel as if I have as much privacy as I’d like for singing, but I do it anyway. I just don’t do it every day. I just hope the home improvement trip is just about done! I also hope Jesse goes back to work, but as it is so far, he’s always home, always outdoors. Figures, huh? I wonder if he’ll be outside as much in the winter. Probably, because we’ll be here. If only it was just us on this land and with a bigger, newer house! It’d be just about 100% quiet and private.
MONDAY, MAY 5, 2008 The attacks didn’t stop till a day or two after we washed the blanket, and I came to wonder if it weren’t the little bottle of Vanilla Fields perfume I got at Big Lots that may’ve caused them. I’ll find out tonight, as I just sprayed some on me for the first time in a few days.
I’ve finally been sleeping better too, but that’s mostly because I’m on days.
Today started off rather annoyingly as Jesse’s dogs went off longer than usual this morning and he just ignored them. Tom thinks he was leaving and that’s what set them off. Sure hope this doesn’t become a regular thing! If Jesse was there and really did ignore them, how rude! He did mention going to some hospital for some family member today, and that’s why he’s not working on the porch roof till tomorrow. Other than that, he’s always here, so it seems. Tom thinks he’ll return to work someday, but for now, we’re basically helping him stay put. If his house and the land are paid for, he doesn’t need to work all that much with the amount we’re paying him each month. Anyway, the only thing that keeps it from being 100% quiet here are the dogs. It’s still 98% quiet, and that’s a far cry better than I ever expected to ever get!
Yesterday turned out to be so much fun! We both had a blast. I’m so glad we got to survive in order to enjoy it. We had our fun in Auburn. First we went to Denny’s, then to Goodwill. He checked out electronics while I got a couple of surprisingly nice dolls. One is a Barbie I tried to win and didn’t. The other is a 15” vinyl flamenco dancer doll. Her features are distinct and well done. She has a lovely face, nice hands, and a pretty costume. She’s just a bit tall for her body proportions.
Our third stop was K-Mart where I got a 2’ statue of a wolf that’s way cool looking. Very realistic and detailed. Could be a coyote. Don’t know for sure. The howling wolf/coyote has a sculpted tongue and teeth. Tom got a pair of black flip-flops, a new pillow, some line to string a clothesline with, hooks to hang my wind chimes up, and a new outdoor mat. The mat they had here was a scrap piece of carpet that was all yucky, so I threw it by the door we never use. I got a colorful floral mat to put by the door we do use, plus a floral seat cushion for the kitchen chair I’m going to use (Tom got a black futon and the perfect two-seater dinette a few days ago). Denise, who’s going to use the other chair, won’t mind sitting on the hardwood! I also got a beautiful black 10” ballerina bending over, lacing up her ballet slippers.
Our last stop was the best of all. The pet store! We ended up getting two rats, a mom and her baby. Mom was in with her two sons and one daughter, and Tom thinks she’s been knocked up by one of her sons. She’s a bit timid, but the baby’s friendly and curious. When I got up this morning, she ran to the door of her cage to greet me. That melted my heart. I missed that!
As I told Jessie, as soon as I get more familiar with the new camera we got, I’ll be sending tons of pictures of them, the land, the trailer (which looks much better on the inside than the outside), and of us. She’ll get my “before” picture first, then in a few months the “after” picture. Right now I’m 137 pounds with dark hair covering my ass. After a few months of 1200 cals, Oolong tea, and exercise, plus a serious haircut and dye job, she should see a slimmer version of me with shoulder-length auburn hair. Wish me luck!
Jessie says she’s going to try to get the job she regrets not taking last fall that’s advertising for employment. She says she has to get out of the “horror show” she’s working for now. They’ve been spiting her, and as I told her, having a job you hate is a horrible thing same as living in a place you hate. Better to take a lower-paying job where you’ll be treated better, than a higher-paying job with a bunch of back-stabbing snobs. I told her I’d pray for her and do spells and that she should take a moment each day to pray for the job, too. The more people that pray, and the more often, the better the chances are of receiving it. Especially if it’s something that’s good, that you can handle, that’s correct. At least it seems that way lately.
We’re getting settled, but still need to take old boxes and junk to the dump and get things rearranged better. We’re almost there, though! Jesse did the windows yesterday, and with Tom’s help, they got the job done in about an hour. He says he’s got an even better view than we do up at his place. I guess the land consists of 3 hills. At the very top is where he says he keeps all his junk. I guess that explains why the road forks up there. It fucking figures that the dogs just have to be on this side of his house. Tom says he thinks the reason we hardly hear them is that they are allowed indoors, but I think it’s because there’s not as much to bark at as there is in the city.
I contacted the Italy sweep agent and let her know that rough times have prevented me from contacting her sooner, then gave her our new address, but as I also told her, it still may be a year or two before we can take the trip.
THURSDAY, MAY 1, 2008 Here’s both good and frustrating news. I got my beauty baskets from Spa Finder, and the DSL is now hooked up, but UPS hasn’t yet delivered the special modem it needs in order for us to use it. Talk about frustrating! It’s the 1st, so I’m not only swamped with tons of new sweeps, but I’ve still got two weeks’ worth to catch up on. I’m way backed up.
Other than the peace and quiet I’ve been enjoying, I haven’t been sleeping that great. It’s like something’s compensating me for finally being able to live in peace. I never sleep straight through. Either something wakes me up, like the hot water tank which makes a popping sound when it kicks on or off, or I wake up just because, or wheezing. Ever since we’ve been here, I’ve needed my inhaler nearly every day! It’s the strangest thing. We have no idea what’s causing the attacks, but we suspected it could be my new blanket, so we washed it.
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benefits1986 · 7 months ago
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lapidali
How do you sum up your life story in one line today, just in case your expiration date is tomorrow?
While Carrerrra is playing so early in June 2024's last Monday, I remember the tears that fell each time I visited mother dragon. The lapida is like a marker that bears her name and how she is best remembered. Its design is custom because I don't want my non-basic bitch mom to be just another statistic in a delulu is the solulu pitik ng inyong ajumma. The design marries spirals and swirls (favorite niya 'yan) and features a fleur de lis which hits home in as far as mom's life is concerned: -Many symbols that include royalty bilang siya ay mayorang-mayora lalo na sa buhay ko -In the bible, it represents the Holy Trinity and the Virgin Mary as a devout Catholic siya talaga like I KENNAT to the point na parusa niya sa akin ay magdasal ng rosary two times pero tumigil na rin kasi I'm not giving shit as non-formulaic girl -Purity because wagas siya in fairness. Walang halong kemikal at natural lang pagkatao niya. Unapologetic pa.
-It's French kasi 'yung maiden name niya (last name) is Frenching talaga and feeling ko talaga andun ang roots ko
-Light because she is my light in the darkest and most hopeless days and nights. Periodtzzz.
-It's both good and bad which is what mom is (like the rest of the world).
-Stands for theological virtues (faith, hope, and charity) very like my mom. Opak. Hindi lang talaga halata kasi sungit levels niya 10000000.
-I read somewhere na may paganap about it standing for "those who lived, those who loved, and those who fought" ngayon 'di ko na makita. Baka natabunan na ng updated content or AI-generated content.
-No photos, just engraving and font style is Garamond (as a Harry Potter girl tayo na wala ring naggawa nanay ko to the point na hindi na ako nagaaral kahit bagsak ako sa Trigo. Ganun kalala.) -It's black and grey. Periodtzz. As an ode to our tiny house na nilipatan namin ng walang pintura sa loob back in the late 90s.
Mom's one-liner which took me a week to down: YOUR LOVE AND LIFE LESSONS LIVE ON. Sana tama ang grammar. LOL. Side Note: Dad ko nung nakita 'yung design: Girl scout ba nanay mo? Me: Puwede rin kasi mala-girl scout siya sa pagiging laging handa. GMG kasi. Please lang.
While anhedonia is my default state of mind and being, seeing mom's final destination visually means shedding a tear or two. Yes. We don't ngalngal in public as much as we can po, opo. Ego e. Pride e. Last Saturday, I found myself walking a familiar path but this time, Dad is downing his daily steps. OPAK. Character arc development right there. Not bad for this 64-year-old pakitong-kitong, right? On a good day, he does 6K.
However, his hips and legs are starting to shake. I could have gone 10K with him as a wing girl even when it's friggin' hot outside. I've been checking his walk. May mali. May super mali. His form is not forming. I egged him and challenged him to gun for 20K steps. Anak, 2K tama na. Sakit e. Hahahaha. There, there, there. He still doesn't want to go all out in his PT sessions. I told him gusto niya yata malumpo na muna siya bago makinig at dibdibin ang kailangang gawin na napaka simple. AMPOOCH. He got back at me real quick saying that he's fine with downing his steps on his own. Sanay naman daw siyang mag-isa. Boomer bomb not so early on a Sunday gaming na naman. Anyway, as I'm walking around mom's eternal space in this lifetime, I can't help but observe the other lapidas. Some standouts are: -One biker who died at a ripe age; his lapida has a minimalist bike element -A few souls that lived for only one day -People my age with names that are from mixing the names of their parents (UGH) -Parent and child na maganda apelyido pero naman apaka sagwa ng layout -The custom design for mom was apparently used by the shop that is affiliated with the memorial park. FUCK. Ang lapit sa puntod ng nanay ko. However, it's super curious because ka-vibe niya mom ko. Inis na inis ako nung una kong nakita. Pero, ayun na e. Iba pa rin ang OG. LELS. 'Di rin maganda layout so, keep up. When my lola died, my dad requested me to customize the design of lapida. Wala kasi kasing pantiyong na sarili lola at lolo ko. LOL. Literal na nakikilagay lang kami ng sa ancestors nung lolo ko. And hassle puntahan kasi need mong mag-over the nitso ng slight. Sabi ni dad, naggawa ko naman ng mom ko, so dapat mas pak sa lola at lolo ko. LOL. In fairness, may pa-masaleo na sila ngayon. How po? From the hati ng family namin sa lupa sa Nasugbu na nabenta sa isang old couple in cash. Hahahahaha. Imagine, that had to wait for so many years? As a middle class from the gutters, syempre palakpak tenga na naman tatay ko. 'Di daw niya sukat akalain magkaka-masaleo sila. With pigil luha at tulo uhog pa 'yan, bitch.
Me: Wala namang difference 'yan. Ending, patay pa rin naman. Memorial parks are for the living. For posterity lang 'yan, honestly. It does not make sense at all. Periodtzzz. Since it's a collab between me, dad and his boomer siblings, mhieee, jusq. Mga 3 weeks na yata kaming nanenegosyahon. And hindi naman din bayad so 'yung pake ko, wala. CHOZ. Dad actually came up with my lolo and lola's one-liner. Pasado sa akin for the first time with tiny tweaks here and there. SIMPLENG PAGMAMAHALAN, NGAYO'Y MAGKAPILING NA SA WALANG HANGGAN. Opak. Kakanood ng Netflix and curated FYP from me. Lumevel up dad ko diyan. And proud ako sa pakawala niya. Anyway, anong lapida one-liner mo? Ako kasi if kayang literal na isaboy sa Mt. Batulao or sa Mt. Pulag ashes ko, dun na lang. Wala ng viewing because that's another story to tell. Syempre, malaking diskyuson na naman ito. Pero, abangan.
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