#mark darcys ex wife

[toongrrl-blog]

Mark Darcy’s Ex Wife’s Playlist, Part 3

Happy Endings are worth striving for!

1. “Strut” Sheena Easton.

2. “We Are Never Getting Back Together” Taylor Swift.

3. “Our Lips are Sealed” The Go-Gos.

4. “You Learn” Alanis Morrissette.

5. “Gonna Get Along Without You Now” Tracey Dey.

6. “Goin’ Back” Goldie and the Gingerbreads.

7. “You Were Always On My Mind” The Pet Shop Boys.

8. “Out of the Woods” Taylor Swift.

9. “Space Age Love Song” A Flock of Seagulls.

10. “Something’s Burning” Kenny Rogers.

11. “I’m Going To Let My Heart Do The Walking” The Supremes.

12. “Go Your Own Way” Fleetwood Mac.

13. “Keep On Loving You” REO Speedwagon.

14. “Shut Up And Kiss Me” Mary Chapin-Carpenter.

15. “A Hazy Shade of Winter” The Bangles.

16. “Almost Home” Mary Chapin-Carpenter.

17. “Everything Has Changed” Best Coast.

18. “I Can’t Hear You No More” Helen Reddy. 

19. “No Way” Six the Musical.

20. “The Hard Way” Mary Chapin-Carpenter

21. “Mrs. America Epilogue theme” Kris Parks

[boring-horror-enjoyer]

Oddity: A 90-Minute Benchmark

Here is the thing with scary movies: I will always, always pick a 90-minute horror first. There are some good films that are long, but think of some really popular ones: Blair Witch Project, Saw, Texas Chainsaw Massacre... not necessarily my favorites, but they all clock in around the 90-minute mark and get the job done. Oddity is precisely what you should receive from an hour and a half investment of your time. It's a good mix of the occult, "the creeps", and tasteful jumpscares. it actually gave me one of my biggest scares from a movie in recent memory. I'm not trying to glaze the film, it was just one scene that really got me. I have a sincere fear of masks.

I've been learning German in my free time (Freizeit!) and can confidently say: Ich mag diesen Horrorfilm :)

Enough time has passed from release that I don't mind giving spoilers, so read ahead at your own risk.

I thought it was very cute of them to pay homage to Caveat in the sister's oddity shop. Caveat was also decent, and I think that if you liked it you'll be sure to like Oddity. Thinking now, they parallel in a lot of ways.

I very much loved the role of the twin sister. I loved that she was consistently one step ahead and gave you someone to root for to the end. I also like that she was not infallible, and met an end on her own terms. As someone with only sisters, her death really touched me.

I also sincerely, sincerely enjoyed the use of silence. Silence is such an overlooked aspect in horror movies, usually it's shrill warnings in the score that tell you something is happening. The absence (or low level) of noise gave way to a lot more tension in the chest, a lot more wonder as to what would happen next. Just a fantastic utilization of that negative space.

I feel like I encounter a lot of "good for her" movies. This was a "good for her" movie twice over, with Darcy having her closure before her passing and the girlfriend (Yana) finally having some fucking sense and leaving.

Let's talk annoyances.

The introductory plot made not a lot of sense. The couple bought basically an old-timey castle and only used.... 1/4 of it? You can chalk it up to the renovation part of the subplot but like... after having this place over a year, all you've done is put in a half-done kitchen (that we can't see), a very modern looking bathroom (in your stone, old-as-shit house), a bed and a couch? Whatever. It's not a huge deal but did annoy me.

What annoyed me more, actually, was the girlfriend moving in to this house apparently very quickly after his ex-wife was murdered there. Please, please, please give more background to the decision if you're going to have a character do something fucking stupid like that. She had an apartment nearby. It doesn't make any sense for her to live in the murder castle.

The way some of these characters were written... so rude? I mean, you find out later (or guess pretty early on!) why the husband was a prick, but the girlfriend was fucking insanely rude. The entitlement in some of her lines was wholly unnecessary, you didn't need to do much at all for the audience to dislike the girlfriend. You already start out disliking her. It was too much for me.

Ted (the husband) deserved worse. I liked the wit of Darcy in his demise, but wish it was in line with Ivan's punishment. Ted deserved much worse and I was so frustrated with the lack of description of HOW people die when they ring the bell. It was slightly annoying to be left wanting like that.

Score was great, tone was solid, the mood could've used more thought as said above with the character dialogue. Overall, solid 7.75 out of 10. I would watch this again, and once more I say this is what to expect from a 90-minute movie.

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Solar Opposites in Mighty Solars Issue #4: “Fighting for Family” Ch. 4

A Week Later…

Miss Frankie is waiting for someone like Jesse did in the Wooden City episode while looking down depressingly

Monique: Hey Frankie! Saw the court vid! You doing good?

Miss Frankie: Don’t care.

Ms. Paris: Congratulations on getting your ass kick.

Miss Frankie: Go fuck yourself.

Then, Miss Frankie sees Principal Cooke and Ms. Perez with Kevin, Jamie, Darcy and their friend Trevor as she waves at they head over there.

Miss Frankie: Wait. Darcy?

Darcy: Hey Frankie. It’s been awhile since graduation from college.

Miss Frankie: Sorry I was late. I had a court day.

Jamie: Court day? What happened?

Principal Cooke: No need for us to tell her. We saw Frankie on the video getting arrested after calling a judge a bitch, a big fucked up bitch and nothing but a bitch!

Kevin tries not to laugh.

Miss Frankie: She couldn’t handle that she literally sucks fat shit! Now I gotta wear this! shows them a device on her foot Plus, I’m in a boat load of car rent because of my stupid fucked up car!

Ms. Perez: We’re so sorry…

Trevor: Man that is fucked up. Sorry to hear about that. Also, I’m glad you guys came to my girlfriend Louise’s cafe. You already known her since middle school, like we did. Right?

Miss Frankie: Yeah, we did.

Ms. Perez: Yeah. Poor thing has been raising her daughter for 4 years since her wife Maude passed away in the car accident. I’m glad she’s doing better.

Then, the adults sees Phoebe walking with human Yumyulack and Human Jesse. Human Yumyulack however is depressed about something.

Principal Cooke: Yumyulack?

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: What’s wrong Yummybear? You look down in the dumps today.

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: Oh, I changed my name into Baxter Cool to make myself stand out at school, but it turns there is a kid named Baxter Badass. So, now those guys call me Baxter C. and then Mark recognize me.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: How?

Human Yumyulack shrugs.

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: I don’t know. I guess the voice is a dead give away and… suddenly sees Stacy G, now a teen waitress Holy shit, is that Stacy G of the Stacies?

Human Jesse is confused but looks and blushes.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Holy shit! What happened to her? Her hair is now tanish brown instead of red and is all puffy and what happened to her looks? She looks like Keri Russel from the Waitress movie.

Human Yumyulack: I don’t know but we should talk to her.

Phoebe MacCarthy: Must’ve realize that her friends are a toxic influence. Glad you kids don’t hang out with those mean kids.

Then, while writing down an order, Stacy G sees Human Jesse and gasp as she drops her journal. Stacy G then looks lovingly at Human Jesse as a romantic pinky background appears. Human Jesse goes up to Stacy G.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Hey Stacy G. It’s been awhile since you’ve been in the woods searching for Slender Man.

Stacy G: Yeah, I kinda lied about that. I just need to get away from my ex-friends.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: What?! You hate being a Stacy?

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: But why?

Stacy G sighs.

Stacy G: When I moved here two years after my other mom Maude died, I tried making friends and when I heard two girls Stacy K and Stacy F are a duo, I decided to join them. But I was wrong. They were jerks. They were even mean to unpopular girls. The last straw came on Valentines’ Day. The Headphone Guys and Stacy K and Stacy F teamed up and played a mean prank on me saying Annie wanted me to be my Valentine but it turned out to be a mean prank… that got cockroaches to fly out. After I got heartbroken, I found out the Stacies replaced me with Stacy H and I decided to not be friends with them anymore.

Human Yumyulack starts crying.

Stacy G: Are you crying?

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: A little. sniffs

Phoebe MacCarthy: Hey there. I’m Phoebe MacCarthy. I’m the kids’ nanny.

Stacy G: Oh hey. So, I’m going back to school in two weeks. But, I will no longer be with the Stacies. And luckily I can still work on Tuesday, Thursdays and Sundays.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Oh my god. I am so sorry. No wonder you didn’t came to school the other day during the fungus thing. You were trying to make friends, but it ended badly. It broke you heart, didn’t it Stacy?

Stacy G nods and sheds a tear.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Well, I would like to be your friend.

Stacy G: You do?

Human Jesse giggles.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Of course. You deserve a real one, plus I think Monica would like you too. sees Janice and Randall walking towards the grown ups Holy geez, is that Randall?

Randall remorsefully comes up the grown ups while Louise sees her old friends and her boyfriend.

Randall: Hey. Guys. It’s great to meet you guys after all these years.

Jamie: No way! Randall?!

Randall: Uh hey uh guys. I wanna say it’s nice to meet you all, and I’m sorry for turning into a psychopath that hates children, got greedy for money and for nearly killing one of neighbors Korvo-

Kevin: It’s okay man. No big.

Jamie: Yeah. We heard about the new stand. Nice business.

Principal Cooke: Wait. You almost killed Korvo?!

Randall: I’m sorry! The last few years have been hell for me ever since I had a horrible Halloween as a kid! I really do have problems! cries hysterically while Janice comforts him Also, I didn’t mean to try to kill my neighbor.

Janice: H’no, it’s okay, y’know.

Trevor: Yeesh. sees Louise heading outside Oh hey baby.

Louise: Hi, Trevor.

The couple kiss while they then see Phoebe with the human Replicants.

Louise: walks over to Stacy G while Monica arrives Hey sweetie. Glad to see you patching things up with your classmates.

Stacy G: Thanks, mom.

Miss Frankie: So why do you wanna meet here?

Jamie: Oh. Something about the Solars turning human, also Quasarblast decided to take a break after that stressful ceremony. Glad he deserved it. I saw his text. But it looks it’s up to us guys.

Darcy: We also saw Terry as a human at our dinner party

Suddenly, Human Terry appear.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Huh? hides behind the wall but then receives a text from Pupa Aw man, another dog refuses to fuck? How dare they? Coming Pupa!

Stacy G: Wait, what? No way, Jesse and Yumyulack Solar? Is that you what happened?!

Human Yumyulack and Human Jesse awkwardly look at each other.

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: Long story. But, I think we should go looking for Korvo. He’s been gone for a week.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Yeah. I think he still feels pretty bad about a something lately.

This gave the adults an idea.

Principal Cooke: That’s it! Korvo! He can help us! He can invent something to stop La Smaragdus!

Darcy: But isn’t Korvo still mad at us for the past things we did to him?

Randall: Aw cheer up guys. I’m sure he’s changed back by now. I bet he’s home right now.

But when the grown ups along Human Yumyulack, Human Jesse, Stacy G, Monica and Phoebe arrived home, they see dogs all over the place.

Principal Cooke: What the hell? Why are there dogs everywhere?!

Human Jesse: Sweet grapes!

The group head inside and gasp upon seeing the dogs while Human Terry is in a pimp outfit and counting down money next to human Pupa with a security guard. A dog took the device off of Miss Frankie, who scream a bit.

Phoebe MacCarthy: For God’s sake, Terry.

Security Guard: Hey! Humans are not allowed in here! I keep telling you, this is a brothel for dogs!

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Hey, man. It’s cool. I know them.

Then, a space mound spider came and starts sucking on the man who began to feel relax.

Jamie: It’s okay Terry. We know it’s you. And we won’t tell anyone over something your husband doesn’t want to tell us.

Human Terry smiles.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Actually I have been wondering where Korvo is. Can you guys go find him, while the kids and I check the neighborhood?

The grown ups thought about it.

Three hours later…

Cooke, Frankie, Perez, Jamie, Darcy, Kevin and his family, Randall, Louise, Trevor and Janice arrived at Night Club with sexy people. Music in background:

Kevin’s Wife: Woah. What the fuck is this place?

Waitress: The Earth-4 Night Club. A place for the grooviest fucking sexy people alive.

Jamie: I believe you are describing me. Darcy slaps him on the back Sorry honey.

Darcy smiles then the grown ups and two kids walk by the place while looking around.

Principal Cooke: What the fuck is Yumyulack and Jesse’s dad doing at a fucked place like this?

Kevin: Maybe he turned human and he is like a sex dancer or something.

Human Korvo: offscreen Well well well.

All: Huh?

Ms. Perez: What?!

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: My human neighbors and mortal enemies. What a surprise.

Principal Cooke and Miss Frankie: Korvo?!

Jamie faints while Kevin’s wife drops a glass of wine in shock. To everyone’s shock, Human Korvo looks different. He is now wearing a ponytail with a hair tie with an emerald on it that looks like his robe crystal, he is wearing icy blue lipstick makeup on his lips, his ruined robe is now fixed and turn into a suit jacket, his Shlorp boots have been turned into lady high heels and he is now wearing a black shirt with a purple word that says “Bitchin’” on it. Music in this background:

Janice: H’no, you turn into the most gorgeous human we have ever seen y’know.

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: Aw, thank you.

Jamie: Damn, what happened to you? You look different, especially with your new clothes.

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: Not bad right. It’s been a good couple of days. So I probably bet you’re here to say I told you so about being a human.

Darcy: Damn. You’re hot.

Ms. Perez: What?! No! We actually need your help Korv-

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: It’s Korey.

Miss Frankie: What? Why the human name change? And…. Oh… it’s you and your new family’s civilian identities huh?

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: Yes and… suddenly realized what they said You guys… need my help?

Miss Frankie: Yes! Terry needs you!

Principal Cooke: Yes! Quasarblast is not here! He’s on break! We gotta create something to stop La Smaragdus- hears a gasp

It turns out Human Terry, Human Yumyulack, Human Jesse, Human Pupa, Phoebe, Monica and Stacy G have arrived as they ran up to Human Korvo while Human Terry kneels down in recoiled shock.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: K-Korvy!

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: laughs nervously Hey, Terry.

Principal Cooke: Uh Terry, we can explain.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: You never looked more beautiful!

Human Korvo blushes. The two husbands then kiss while Human Korvo picks up Human Terry and carries him while kissing.

Stacy G: Wait, that’s Korvo? How?

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Uh…

Human Pupa Solar-Opposites: Korvo! hugs Human Korvo I miss you.

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: No way! You look hot! Where have you been K-Dog?

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: Well…

Later, while Human Korvo was buying a new bus turned into a space ship…

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Wow. That explains a lot but it’s okay honey. You’re beautiful both Shlorpian and human to me. I still can’t believe you got caught up on the biz like I did.

Human Korvo however is still remorseful for making his family worried sick about him.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Are you really upset about the whole thing?

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: No. Not the fact that we can shapeshift into humans now and can’t walk the Earth as aliens anymore. But, it’s because I didn’t tell you where I was and made you all worried about me.

Human Terry sighs.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Aw, it’s okay Korvy. We know why you did that.

Human Korvo smiles.

Human Jesse Solar-Opposites: Yeah. We’re really glad you got into some human culture.

Human Yumyulack Solar-Opposites: We’re just glad you’re alright.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Plus, is it true that you miss us?

Human Korvo starts sobbing.

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: sobbing It’s true. I’m so sorry Terry, I got caught up with my new look and-

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Aw Korvy. hugs human Korvo while comforting him and soothing him Shh… it’s okay… I’m here.

Human Korvo keeps sobbing as mascara runs down his face and blows his nose into Human Terry’s shirt.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: There. Let it out honey. soothes Human Korvo’s face in a comforting manner

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: smiles Oh Terry, I love you. Also, I’m so grateful you all came for me. Thank you.

The two human husbands kiss. As they keep kissing, the kids, Phoebe, Monica, Stacy G and the other human adults hug the two husbands. Then, Human Korvo sees Stacy G and grows confused.

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: Who’s that?

Louise: Oh, that’s my teenage daughter. Stacy G.

Human Terry Solar-Opposites: Hi!

Stacy G: Hey. So, what’s the plan Mr. Opposites?

Human Korvo then got an idea as he makes a genius smirk.

Human Korvo Solar-Opposites: I think I just came up with one. the group then huddle together Now, here is our plan.

Special thanks to @avaveevo, @asikreading, @themagicwolf6677, @king-of-squishmallows and all of my watchers for their ideas and support.

[bandaged-teeth]

25 more aphmau sims

The ones in this set are -

Daniel

Dante

Darcy the random unnamed emo guy from season 6 of Mystreet that compliments Zane's mask I decided to give a name

Darius and Darrisha (Nana's Siblings)

Darth the guard from MCD Rebirth that was in the bar in Brightport

Demytrix from Mira's traveling camp

Diablo from meteora valley

Diana from FCU

Donna

Dottie

Douglas aka Isabell's unnamed abusive ex fiance that Laurance almost murders

Eirina from Mira's traveling camp

Emma, Corey's wife

Emmalyn

Enid aka Ghost because I wanted Emmalyn and Ghost to be seperate people

Ethan a merchant from MCD

Evan a werewolf from Phoenix Drop high

Falter the random dude in the Inn in Pikoro that Aph barges in on

Fenrir

Fern, my oc and Ivy's sister

Fiona, one of Isabell's sisters

Fortunata aka Lady Luck from Mod Mod World and that one MCD Side Story

Francis that unnamed receptionist thats implied to be Kiki and Brendan's sibling

Gabriel, Zoey's ex husband

[piesandprejudice]

For this week I decided to rewatch the movie Bridget Jones Diary before reading because I remember watching it and liking it when I was younger. I chose this specific scene because it was one of the few I genuinely enjoyed, watching Mark and Daniel in a physical altercation with its raining men playing underneath, despite the fact that upon rewatch I was uncomfortable and kind of annoyed the whole time. There were the obvious problems I had, the racism in the movie, calling Darcy’s ex wife who was Japanese of a ‘cruel race’ and other comments, and the fatphobia of Bridget being so focused on losing weight despite only being 136 pounds. Obviously no one should be made to feel that their success is tied to their weight, but I think this movie specifically did a real disservice to all the girls who watched it at a young age because looking back I remember her supposedly being ‘bigger’ but Renee Zellweger is five foot four, for which 136 is a perfect weight, and her goal to lose twenty pounds is horrible. 

Then, it hit me, Bridget Jones appears to exist in this postfeminist canon, where woman are equal to men and have every career opportunity, yet they remain unfulfilled. Even after her initial breakup, when she shifts her focus to her career temporarily, she still lacks personal fulfillment without a relationship. The big break she is given in the movie comes from Darcy as he is the lawyer on a case she wants to cover, yet again bringing them together. Unlike the original pride and prejudice which we discussed as a more progressive book with the power of refusal and women having some agency over who they marry even in an unbearably repressive time, Bridget Jones Diary feels regressive. 

Personally i think so much of the enjoyment of books comes from their protagonists and as I compared Bridget to Lizzie I realized that I cannot stand Bridget because she is weak. At least at the start of the book, instead of going for what she wants personally or professionally she lets people, especially her mother, walk all over her. Part of Lizzies charm is her fire, the arguments and quips, but Bridget falls flat as an awkward character who fails to replicate Lizzies wit. While this may seem a little brutal on Bridget I think it is hard to see a woman who could be so successful and fulfilled on her own, focus completely on losing weight and getting a man. Lizzie does not really want a man, the only reason it is a focus is the time commands her to acquire a husband if she wants to continue to live comfortably; in contrast, Bridget could be happy and live comfortably without a man, but it is pretty much her sole focus. 

[toongrrl-blog]

I want to add Perpetua and Mark Darcy's first ex wife to the mix because their only "sins" were not being submissive to the white British patriarchy while heavy or non-white. Perpetua also because her presence reminded Bridget that trying to be skinny is a waste of time as Perpetua is bigger but thrives in her wardrobe, career, and romantic life while Mark Darcy's ex is not allowed the grace granted to Daniel or Bridget for breaking Mark's heart.

I want to apologise to

- Britney for making fun of her when she had her breakdown

- Monica Lewinski for judging her when she was a 22year old temp sexually assaulted by the most powerful man in the world

- Ke$ha for ever thinking she was trashy when all she wanted to do was make party music

- Kristen Stewart for ever thinking she was dumb when she’s actually one of the coolest people ever

- Megan Fox for ever thinking she was just a slut when actually she was an actress being harassed by her employer. 

- Hating all the women who made a career out of having a hot body. Being is shape is hard, beauty is a weapon and auto promotion is hard work. 

- All the Mary-Sues, who exist because young girls everywhere want to be part of a story they love so much

- All the female characters I ever snobbed because they got in the way of my ship.

- Hating the color pink during my teenage years, when it’s actually a lovely color and what I resented was society’s pressure to perform femininity. 

[toongrrl-blog]

Mark Darcy’s Ex-Wife’s Playlist Part 2

Janine Kishi would like you to know that misogyny and racism are systematic and that we have unchecked biases. Like why assume the first Mrs. Darcy was “cruel-raced” and her only feature to be noted? Especially if she doesn’t get to speak for herself?

The playlist continues on. 

1. “It’s My Life” Jon Bon Jovi.

2. “Your Cheatin’ Heart” Hank Williams.

3. “Guys Do It All The Time” Mindy McCready.

4. “Back to December” Taylor Swift.

5. “These Eyes” The Guess Who.

6. “Go Your Own Way” Fleetwood Mac.

7. “Material Girl” Madonna.

8. “Down From Dover” Dolly Parton.

9. “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” Tina Turner.

10. “Build Me Up Buttercup” The Foundations. 

11. “Passionate Kisses” Mary Chapin Carpenter.

12. “A New Wave” Sleater-Kinney.

13. “So What” Pink

14. “If We Make It Through December” Merle Haggard.

15. “Kern River” Merle Haggard.

16. “You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone” Joan Jett.

17. “Made In Japan” Buck Owens. 

18. “The Legend of Bonnie and Clyde” Merle Haggard. 

19. “Material Girl” Madonna. 

20. “Mama Tried” Merle Haggard.

21. “Poison” Alice Cooper.

22. “That Don’t Impress Me Much” Shania Twain.

23. “All I Ask Of You” Emma Corrin.

24. “The Impression That I Get” The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

25. “Runaround Sue” Del Shannon.

26. “Hurting Each Other” The Carpenters.

27. “Wedlock is a Padlock” Laura Lee.

28. “Bailamos” Enrique Iglesias.

29. “Little Rock” Reba McEntire.

30. “Stir It Up” Patti Labelle.

31. “Don’t Put Another Dime” The Flirts.

32. “Cold As Ice” Foreigner.

33. “When You Were Mine” Cyndi Lauper. 

34. “Femme Fatale” Nico and the Velvet Underground.

35. “Eagle When She Flies” Dolly Parton.

36. “Rated X” Loretta Lynn.

37. “It’s My Life” The Animals.

38. “Pretty In Pink” The Psychedelic Furs. 

39. “So What” Pink. 

40. “Run For Your Life” Beatles.

41. “It’s My Life” Gwen Stefani.

42. “Gaslighter” The Chicks. 

43. “You Think You’re A Man” Divine.

44. “What do Pretty Girls Do” Tracey McColl. 

45. “Ain’t No Way To Treat A Lady” Helen Reddy.

46. “Cold-Hearted Snake” Paula Abdul.

47. “Invincible” Pat Benatar.

48. “Don’t You Want Me” The Human League.

49. “Hello” Adele.

50. “Exes and Ohs” Elle King. 

[whichenbywitch]

Oh no... She was going to choose Mark, but he's back with this ex-wife?! You move on pretty fucking quick Darcy!!

I’m about to watch “Bridget Jones’s Baby” to see how badly they fucked it up… I just wish they’d followed the story of the third book… Instead of giving is this…. “film”…

[mysteryshelf]

BLOG TOUR - Big City Heat

Welcome to

THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF and the May Mid-Month of Mystery Week!

DISCLAIMER: This content has been provided to THE PULP AND MYSTERY SHELF by Partners in Crime Virtual Book Tours. No compensation was received. This information required by the Federal Trade Commission.

Big City Heat: A Brack Pelton Mystery

by David Burnsworth

on Tour April 24 – May 26, 2017

Synopsis:

Lowcountry bar owner and ex-Marine Brack Pelton heads to Atlanta in the wake of a panicked 3 AM phone call. A woman is missing and Brack’s friend Mutt is in danger. Brack’s old flame, investigative news correspondent Darcy Wells, now lives there and is set to marry another man. If Brack was honest with himself, and he usually wasn’t, he’d realize that the missing woman isn’t the reason for his visit. His Semper Fi buddy Mutt can handle himself just fine.

When Brack and Mutt team up to find the woman, the Atlanta underworld revolts, the two biggest players target them, and people start dying. Most people would size up the situation, call it impossible, and walk away. But most people are not Brack Pelton. Impossible situations are his specialty. He made it through Afghanistan and when the military commanders mistook suicidal tendencies for leadership qualities they promoted him. Can Brack succeed at finding the woman, protecting his friend, and winning the girl without destroying the Capital of the South? Not since Sherman’s march across Georgia has the city of Atlanta been in this much danger.

Book Details:

Genre: Mystery Published by: Henery Press Publication Date: April 25, 2017 Number of Pages: 212 ISBN: 9781635111996 Series: A Brack Pelton Mystery Book, 3 Purchase Links: Amazon 🔗 | Barnes & Noble 🔗 | Goodreads 🔗

Read an excerpt:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me… Psalm 23:4

Atlanta, Georgia, Wednesday night, Mid-May

Brack Pelton waited in his Porsche by a no-parking zone in a very bad part of the city and watched someone he thought he knew well climb out of an old Eldorado convertible. The man entered a ramshackle building with a neon beer mug shining through its one dirty window.

Easing away from the red-marked bus stop, Brack found a better location down the block and pulled in. Before getting out of the Porsche, he woke Shelby, his tan mixed-breed dog slumbering in the backseat, and pulled a forty-five from the glovebox. He verified a round was chambered.

Shelby licked his lips and gave a quick bark as Brack slid the pistol down the back waistband of his cargo shorts.

Patting his dog on the head, Brack asked, “Ready?” A needless question. Another bark affirmed Shelby’s stand on things.

“When we get inside, your job is to find Mutt. Okay?” Shelby licked his face. Brack knew that as long as their target hadn’t escaped out some back door, Shelby would find him. Mutt was one of his favorite people. Brack’s too. That was why tracking him like this went against everything he believed in doing.

Mutt was the one who often rode shotgun with Brack as they’d right Charleston’s wrongs. Now Mutt was the one in the crosshairs. Thanks to an early morning phone call from Cassie, Mutt’s girlfriend, a life depended on answers his friend would give. The forty-five wouldn’t come out unless trouble came up.

The barroom’s rusty screen door screeched open. Shelby darted ahead, already focused on his objective. Brack entered a time warp. Uncanny how even the sour bar wash fragrance and cigarette smoke were the same. Through the old familiar haze, he imagined Mutt standing behind a peeling Formica counter pouring drinks to patrons who could barely afford their rent. Somehow, Mutt had managed to replicate his termite-infested watering hole three hundred miles west of where his original joint stood before some spoiled neighborhood brat burned it down.

“You lost?” A very large African-American man wearing a soiled wife-beater chalking a pool cue confronted the white newcomer.

Meeting his gaze, Brack said, “No. I’m looking for a loudmouth Marine named Mutt. If he’s here drinking, the rounds are on me. If he owns this place, I’m going to beat the life out of him.”

“Big talk coming from someone in yo’ shoes,” he said. Four other men flanked him, two on each side, all with arms folded across their meaty chests. Five soiled wife-beaters in a row. A worn-out AC unit clicked and sputtered, failing to condition the polluted air in the establishment.

Shelby seemed to take longer than usual to find Mutt. Only one thing could sidetrack him. But no women had ever been present in the original Mutt’s Bar in Charleston. They’d been afraid to enter the place.

Maybe Atlanta women were different. Casually Brack removed the half-smoked cigar he’d been saving in his pocket and lit it. The only faithful friend he had left at the moment was his own adrenaline. Brack was angry at Mutt and wouldn’t mind working it out of his system on these five gentlemen facing him.

Three more joined them. Okay, these eight gentlemen.

Brack felt more gather behind him. His wayward dog better have a real good excuse for not warning him.

Taking a drag on the stogie, he exhaled a cloud of smoke to add to the carcinogenic fog. “It’s going to be a bad day for some of you.”

Chuckles echoed around the room, undoubtedly at his expense.

Mutt pushed his way through the gathering mob. A few inches over six feet, he’d replaced his boxed Afro with a close trim since the last time Brack had seen him. His clothes were of a more recent vintage, another change, and to Brack’s untrained eye, quite stylish.

“Opie, you always got to do things the hard way, don’t ’cha?” Brack couldn’t decide if he wanted to punch him or shake his hand. The fact that his friend sported a bridge that replaced his missing front teeth also caught him off guard.

Shelby was not with Mutt. From behind, Brack heard the gruff words, “You want us to take this cracker out back, Mutt?”

Mutt knew as well as Brack did that they were greatly outnumbered. But Brack figured Mutt also knew that a few of his patrons would spend the next few weeks in the hospital if things went south.

Before either of them could say anything, a husky female voice came from somewhere in the crowd. “You got the prettiest dog.”

All the men turned in the direction of the voice. Through a break in the undershirt line, Brack observed a heavyset black woman in a way-too-tight purple body suit. Clearly she’d fallen in love with his dog. Her extra-long orange day-glo fingernails scratched behind his ears.

Sitting on his haunches with closed eyes, Shelby flapped his tongue and panted in what Brack recognized as pure bliss. Two other women wearing similar attire also gave Shelby their full attention. Brack was about to get pummeled by eight or more hulks itching to right the wrongs of their world, yet his dog had managed to pick up what looked like all the women in the establishment.

The spokesman for the wife-beater ensemble said, “We ain’t finished wit you, white boy.”

Brack turned back to him. Mutt got between them. “Easy, Charlie. He’s my brother.” The men looked at each other as if Mutt and Brack could possibly be related. Of course, they weren’t in the traditional sense.

“Summertime” by Billy Stewart began to play somewhere in the room. A real classic.

Circling Shelby, the women moved their ample hips to the beat. The dog, in plus-sized heaven, spun around, not sure which lady to kiss first.

A fourth woman Brack hadn’t noticed until now came from behind the bar to stand beside Mutt. Almost as tall as Brack, with dark brown skin, a buzzed haircut, and toned figure bordering on muscular. Her inked-up arms momentarily distracted Brack.

The man Mutt called Charlie said, “I don’t care who you think he is. He ain’t got the juice to come in here talking about beatin’ you up.”

Mutt turned to his old friend. “You said you was gonna beat me up?”

“Something like that.” Brack cocked his head. “I get a call begging me to drive here from Charleston. It’s Cassie. She’s scared half to death because some men threatened her, and she doesn’t know what you do when you leave her house late at night. Put yourself in her shoes.”

The woman bartender looked at him. “You must be Brack.” Mutt interrupted. “Opie, I’ma tell you like I tol’ Cassie. What I do is my bidness. She ain’t got no right to ask.”

Charlie moved in like he was about to throw a punch. Before Brack could react, the toned female bartender grabbed Charlie by the shirt collar and said, “You really don’t want to do that.”

Mutt said, “Easy there, Tara. We all friends here.” She didn’t let go. Charlie backed off. Brack dropped what was left of his cigar on the floor, crushed it with his foot, and turned back to Mutt. “You better tell me what’s going on, or I will beat the ever-living daylights out of you.”

***

Excerpt from Big City Heat: A Brack Pelton Mystery by David Burnsworth. Copyright © 2017 by David Burnsworth. Reproduced with permission from David Burnsworth. All rights reserved.

Author Bio:

David Burnsworth became fascinated with the Deep South at a young age. After a degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Tennessee and fifteen years in the corporate world, he made the decision to write a novel. He is the author of both the Brack Pelton and the Blu Carraway Mystery Series. Having lived in Charleston on Sullivan’s Island for five years, the setting was a foregone conclusion. He and his wife call South Carolina home.

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BLOG TOUR – Big City Heat was originally published on the Wordpress version of The Pulp and Mystery Shelf

[nyslovesfilm]

New York-based Films Make Their Debut in Park City

Films that shoot or post in New York State have traditionally been well-represented at the Sundance Film Festival, the largest independent film festival in the U.S. and a launchpad for films gaining critical recognition and distribution – and this year is no exception.  

Eighteen films that participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program screened in Park City, Utah, during the 2017 festival, which ran from Jan. 19-29.  Before they made it to Sundance, those projects  created an impressive economic impact while they were in production and post-production, spending an estimated $43.7 million in New York and creating more than 4,200 hires.

Adam Piotrowicz, producer of Golden Exits, in the U.S. Dramatic Competition category at Sundance, gave his New York production experience an overwhelmingly positive review.  "Shooting in New York is a seamless experience where productions are given access to everything they need, including fantastic and often iconic locations,” he said. “The support of the community and local officials is invaluable to a production."

The following films shot in New York State and participated in the New York State Film Production Tax Credit program: Beach Rats / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Eliza Hittman) — An aimless teenager on the outer edges of Brooklyn struggles to escape his bleak home life and navigate questions of self-identity, as he balances his time between his delinquent friends, a potential new girlfriend, and older men he meets online. Cast: Harris Dickinson, Madeline Weinstein, Kate Hodge, Neal Huff. The Big Sick (Director: Michael Showalter, Screenwriters: Emily V. Gordon, Kumail Nanjiani) — Based on the real-life courtship of Pakistan-born comedian Kumail and grad student Emily, who fall in love but struggle as their cultures clash. When Emily contracts a mysterious illness, Kumail must navigate the crisis with her parents and the emotional tug-of-war between his family and his heart. Cast: Kumail Nanjiani, Zoe Kazan, Holly Hunter, Ray Romano, Anupam Kher. *Picked up by Amazon. Bushwick (Directors: Cary Murnion, Jonathan Milott, Screenwriters: Nick Damici, Graham Reznick) — Lucy emerges from a Brooklyn subway to find that her neighborhood is under attack by black-clad military soldiers. An ex-Marine corpsman, Stupe, reluctantly helps her fight for survival through a civil war, as Texas attempts to secede from the United States of America. Cast: Dave Bautista, Brittany Snow, Angelic Zambrana, Jeremie Harris, Myra Lucretia Taylor, Arturo Castro.   *Picked up by RLJ Entertainment  Golden Exits / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter:  Alex Ross Perry) — The arrival of a young foreign girl disrupts the lives and emotional balances of two Brooklyn families. Cast: Emily Browning, Adam Horovitz, Mary-Louise Parker, Lily Rabe, Jason Schwartzman, Chloë Sevigny.

Landline / U.S.A. (Director: Gillian Robespierre, Screenwriters: Elisabeth Holm, Gillian Robespierre) — Two sisters come of age in ’90s New York when they discover their dad’s affair—and it turns out he’s not the only cheater in the family. Everyone still smokes inside, no one has a cell phone and the family finally connects through lying, cheating and hibachi. Cast: Jenny Slate, John Turturro, Edie Falco, Abby Quinn, Jay Duplass, Finn Wittrock. Marjorie Prime (Director/screenwriter: Michael Almereyda) — In the near future, a time of artificial intelligence, 86-year-old Marjorie has a handsome new companion who looks like her deceased husband and is programmed to feed the story of her life back to her. The film looks at the questions of what would we remember and what would we forget, if given the chance? Cast: Jon Hamm, Geena Davis, Lois Smith, Tim Robbins.

Patti Cake$ / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Geremy Jasper) — Straight out of Jersey comes Patricia Dombrowski, a.k.a. Killa P, a.k.a. Patti Cake$, an aspiring rapper fighting through a world of strip malls and strip clubs on an unlikely quest for glory. Cast: Danielle Macdonald, Bridget Everett, Siddharth Dhananjay, Mamoudou Athie, Cathy Moriarty. * Picked up by Fox Searchlight. Rebel in the Rye (Director/screenwriter: Danny Strong) — This portrait of the life and mind of reclusive author J.D. Salinger goes from the bloody front lines of World War II to his early rejections and the PTSD-fueled writer’s block that led to his iconic novel, “The Catcher in the Rye.” Cast: Nicholas Hoult, Kevin Spacey, Sarah Paulson, Zoey Deutch, Hope Davis, Victor Garber. Roxanne Roxanne / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Michael Larnell) — The most feared battle emcee in early-’80s NYC was a fierce teenager from the Queensbridge projects with the weight of the world on her shoulders. At age 14, hustling the streets to provide for her family, Roxanne Shanté was well on her way to becoming a hip-hop legend. Cast: Chanté Adams, Mahershala Ali, Nia Long, Elvis Nolasco, Kevin Phillips, Shenell Edmonds. Sidney Hall (Director: Shawn Christensen, Screenwriters: Shawn Christensen, Jason Dolan)— Over the course of 12 years and three stages of life, Sidney Hall falls in love, writes the book of a generation, and then disappears without a trace. Cast: Logan Lerman, Elle Fanning, Kyle Chandler, Michelle Monaghan, Nathan Lane, Margaret Qualley.

Where Is Kyra? (Director: Andrew Dosunmu, Screenwriters: Andrew Dosunmu, Darci Picoult) — Pushed to the brink after losing her job, a woman struggles to survive. As the months pass and her troubles deepen, she embarks on a perilous and mysterious journey that threatens to usurp her life. Cast: Michelle Pfeiffer, Kiefer Sutherland.

The following films shot outside New York State but came here to do their post-production and take advantage of New York State’s Post-Production Tax Credit program: Brigsby Bear / U.S.A. (Director: Dave McCary, Screenwriters: Kevin Costello, Kyle Mooney) — Brigsby Bear Adventures is a children’s TV show produced for an audience of one: James. When the show abruptly ends, James’s life changes forever, and he sets out to finish the story himself. Cast: Kyle Mooney, Claire Danes, Mark Hamill, Greg Kinnear, Matt Walsh, Michaela Watkins. *Picked up by Sony Pictures Classics 

Crown Heights / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Matt Ruskin) — When Colin Warner is wrongfully convicted of murder, his best friend, Carl King, devotes his life to proving Colin’s innocence. Adapted from This American Life, this is the incredible true story of their harrowing quest for justice. Cast: Keith Stanfield, Nnamdi Asomugha, Natalie Paul, Bill Camp, Nestor Carbonell, Amari Cheatom. The Discovery (Director: Charlie McDowell, Screenwriters: Charlie McDowell, Justin Lader) — In a world where the afterlife has just been scientifically proven, resulting in millions of people taking their own lives to get there, comes this love story. Cast: Jason Segel, Rooney Mara, Robert Redford, Jesse Plemons, Riley Keough, Ron Canada. Mudbound (Director: Dee Rees, Screenwriters: Virgil Williams, Dee Rees) — In the post-World War II South, two families are pitted against a barbaric social hierarchy and an unrelenting landscape as they simultaneously fight the battle at home and the battle abroad. This epic pioneer story is about friendship, heritage, and the unending struggle for and against the land. Cast: Carey Mulligan, Jason Clarke, Jason Mitchell, Mary J. Blige, Garrett Hedlund, Jonathan Banks.   * Picked up by Netflix

Thoroughbred / U.S.A. (Director and screenwriter: Cory Finley) — Two teenage girls in suburban Connecticut rekindle their unlikely friendship after years of growing apart. In the process, they learn that neither is what she seems to be and that a murder might solve both of their problems. Cast: Olivia Cooke, Anya Taylor-Joy, Anton Yelchin, Paul Sparks, Francie Swift, Kaili Vernoff. *Picked up by Focus Features.

Wilson (Director: Craig Johnson, Screenwriter: Daniel Clowes) — Wilson, a lonely neurotic and hilariously honest middle-aged misanthrope, reunites with his estranged wife and gets a shot at happiness when he learns he has a teenage daughter he has never met. In his uniquely outrageous and slightly twisted way, he sets out to connect with her. Cast: Woody Harrelson, Laura Dern, Judy Greer.

The Yellow Birds / U.S.A. (Director: Alexandre Moors, Screenwriter: David Lowery) — Two young men enlist in the Army and are deployed to fight in the Gulf War. After an unthinkable tragedy, the surviving soldier struggles to balance his promise of silence with the truth and a mourning mother’s search for peace. Cast: Tye Sheridan, Jack Huston, Alden Ehrenreich, Jason Patric, Toni Collette, Jennifer Aniston.

[toongrrl-blog]

Mark Darcy’s Ex-Wife Playlist Pt. 1

Down with your reductive, White Gaze-y, patriarchal bullshit: Kimiko Kishi, mother of Claudia and Janine and daughter of Mimi Yamamoto, is gonna tell her own story. With a playlist along with a fanfic:

1. “Nothing Has Been Proved” Dusty Springfield and the Pet Shop Boys.

2. “He Thinks He’ll Keep Her” Mary Chapin-Carpenter.

3. “Party All The Time” Eddie Murphy and Rick James.

4. “Head Over Heels” Tears For Fears.

5. “It Wasn’t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels” Kitty Wells.

6. “A Fine Romance” Marilyn Monroe.

7. “Motownphilly” Boyz II Men.

8. “I Feel Lucky” Mary Chapin-Carpenter.

9. “I Take My Chances” Mary Chapin-Carpenter.

10. “Angel of the Morning” Juice Newton.

11. “Devil In Disguise” Elvis Presley.

12. “Garden Party” Ricky Nelson.

13. “A Bird In A Gilded Cage” Virginia O’Brien.

14. “Girls It Ain’t Easy” Honey Cone.

15. “Georgia On My Mind” Gladys Knight.

16. “I Wonder What She’s Doing Tonight” Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart.

17. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” Def Leppard.

18. “Different Drum” Linda Ronstadt and the Stone Poneys.

19. “That’s the Way I Always Heard It Should Be” Carly Simon.

20. “Head Over Heels” Tears for Fears.

21. “Islands In the Stream” Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers.

22. “Feeling Good” Nina Simone.

23. “A Quien Le Importa” Alaska.

24. “I’m Sorry” Brenda Lee.

25. “Always On My Mind” Pet Shop Boys.

26. “Hey, Hey Helen” ABBA.

27. “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” The Supremes.

28. “Swimsuit Issue” Sonic Youth.

29. “Fly Away” Lenny Kravitz.

30. “The Streets of Bakersfield” Buck Owens and Dwight Yoakum.

31. “Act Naturally” Ringo Starr and Buck Owens (also listen to their singles on the song).

32. “American Woman” Kelly Clarkson (also check out the older Guess Who and Lenny Kravitz versions).

33. “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” Spin Doctors. 

34. “Garden Party” Rick Nelson.

35. “Say You’ll Be There” Spice Girls.

36. “Macarena” Los Del Rio.

37. “Candle In The Wind 1997″ Elton John.

38. “Hard Candy Christmas” Dolly Parton.

39. “Fancy” Reba McEntire.

40. “Storm In A Teacup” The Fortunes

[toongrrl-blog]

Anyone feel that Mark Darcy’s “cruel-raced” ex wife would make for a compelling novel or miniseries a la Wide Sargasso Sea? 

I think so, I think her story is worth exploring because as I got older I see just how problematic the world of Bridget Jones is. And she would make for a good anti hero, like a Japanese lady version of Pete Campbell

EDIT: Here is my essay. 

[toongrrl-blog]

Bridget Jones: In Company with Beckys and Karens

We can start with unpacking your luggage Bridget, you are gonna need the help but pull your weight into it. 

Hi Bridget, looking good as always. Long time, huh? I guess it has been awkward after I have given your husband Mark a beat down and sent roses to his first ex-wife and your ex supervisor Perpetua. I think it’s time we talk. I understand life hasn’t been easy for you: your mother is nutty and a misogynistic racist, your father is friends with pervs and found it astounding you had a real boyfriend (Colin Jones won’t escape my ire), your friends are trash frankly especially the smug marrieds, you are insecure over a body that actually isn’t really a outlier to the dominant white patriarchal standard of cis female beauty (by the way, have you heard butt implants exist now?), your jerk husband is very negging and in the original novel he “compliments” you by pulling “Not like other girls” on you and all your other boyfriends see you as a piece of ass and don’t respect you, your uncle gropes your ass for how long and his wife pesters you about your body and past singleness. 

But let’s be real Bridget: those wilderness years where you feared becoming a sad spinster were endured in a spacious apartment where your bedroom was separate from the kitchen AND the living room without a roommate (hope I get this lucky), you haven’t wanted for nothing growing up in a affluent and safe town in a single-income family (your dad was also a accountant), you were given blonde hair and blue eyes (traits that have been considered desirable for multiple millenniums), your body was always curvier than you’d like but you had no problem finding a lot of clothes in your size and didn’t have a doctor fat shame you (now smoking and drinking...), I learned from Jameela Jamil that actually Britain of your teens and twenties was a racist time, you got to go to college (granted it was in the University of Wales, which wasn’t “prestigious” enough for Daniel Cleaver) and you got a stable office job at a publishing company that you often fudged (most WOC can’t fuck up like you and thrive in this culture), and you never been in most situations where you didn’t have to look in the media or in the room and find yourself out of place. 

Well now it’s 2020, have you heard of Black Lives Matter? This shitstorm of a year has been forcing us to confront issues regarding the patriarchy, capitalism, white supremacy, putting people of privilege to question their own involvement in prejudice, and a highly militarized law enforcement. Has Mark spoke of this to you? I haven’t heard a peep from you and Helen Fielding. I must say, I was glad not to hear either you or Helen say anything transphobic (fuck off JK Rowling). I think you heard of these memes going around called “the Karen” and “the Becky”, you must be wondering what the difference between the two are and was at a loss to counsel your smug married friends or your racist ass mother crying over being called Karens. Here is the trouble, I think you are likely a Becky and have the potential to turn into a Karen, after all you dream of weaponizing your mother’s embarrassing casual racism and thin privilege against Perpetua and Mark Darcy, and you dabbled in the White Savior trope for a hot minute in Thailand (oh and playing an idealized Ivanka Trump to your mother in the 3rd film?). Also let’s face it, you are compared to every confident, capable woman in your universe (surprise they are all bitches) or the non-Anglo British or non-British conquests of Daniel or Mark’s ex wife. 

Let’s talk about the traits of a Karen and Becky and how they are related, Bridget.

Karen

Ah the Karen, or as Tv Tropes called her the “Obnoxious Entitled Housewife”. 

Here is a bullet point of traits the Karen possesses according to The Take:

She’s an entitled, middle-aged, upper or middle class, often White woman.

She mistreats those “beneath her” like wait staff and customer service, classism at it’s most in-your-face and irritating.

She follows the rules, except the part about expired coupons.

She sticks to the hierarchy, using it to prop herself up. 

Often passive-aggressive and judgmental.

She puts up the image of the perfect fragile woman, even if she instigated a crime.

Narcissistic behavior. 

She considers herself the policewoman of human behavior.

She often lacks a understanding of different races and classes.

She projects her own misery on those who cannot fight back against her.

She is often a Know Nothing Know It All.

This probably hits home Bridget, they describe your mother, Auntie Una, and smug married friends. When you look at the news from my country, you tell yourself every time they wonder about your marital status or when you will have children, you are likely keeping them from calling the police on a black kid selling cups of water. But Karen is merely the more outwardly mature version of a trope you definitely fit and her name is....

Becky

Hey Bridget, your hair may not be as shiny as you like but according to a White Supremacist structure, you have “good hair”. You dealt with your literal Beckys Bridget (hi book version Rebecca Gillies), but what “Becky” refers to is to a often ditzy, somewhat entitled, young, white woman who lacks real racial understanding. It refers to how our society props up an image of idealized white femininity, sometimes it bleeds into women not considered “ideal” themselves. 

By the way, the redhead featured is Joan Holloway. She isn’t ditzy like a Becky but her Queen Bee behaviors, her reliance on her pretty privilege, lack of racial understanding, and her adherence to femininity and social climbing make her a modern-day Becky Sharp (also an earlier Becky). 

Remember when you contemplated introducing Mark as “a middle-aged prick who was lefty by his cruel raced ex-wife”? Wasn’t that kind of racist of your Bridget? Not so different from your mother? Here are a few traits:

Becky can be oblivious to her surroundings (and the feelings of others less advantaged than she).

She usually gets away with trouble due to her idealized Anglo looks.

Willfully naïve.

Conventionally feminine.

Often spoiled. 

She and her interests are basic and mainstream (sounds like milk tray, Colin Firth binge fests, shopping, numerous garden parties).

She is often cushioned against disappointment (in the 3rd film we were all supposed to be on your side while your bitchy boss fired you for very good reasons).

Unaware of other’s needs because she is so used to things going her way.

Her ignorance can be just as frustrating and harmful as a Karen’s maliciousness.

Becky is given real growth in fiction, to learn to be better. 

The thing is Bridget....where is your character development? It seems you hardly achieve much confidence, intellect, or maturity. In the 3rd film, I was shocked you were in your forties, I thought I was looking at a overgrown teenager. Perhaps you are a victim of Flanderization?

Karen and Becky

Now we look at how bad things could get if you don’t check your privilege soon enough Bridget, yes a lot of Beckys run the risk of becoming Karens. This is Mother-Daughter pair, Nancy (daughter) and Karen (Mother) Wheeler, I put them because of the connection but they don’t fit the stereotype (despite one of them having the name) but they are privileged white women talking about their shared experiences with misogyny. And most Beckys and Karens had to deal with misogyny, both outside and internalized, the issue being they don’t see how other people had to suffer due to prejudice.

Now Bridget, with your mother, you are a Becky while she was always a Karen. That is you are ignorant about your white privilege while your mother runs on casual racism, ignorance, and Tory politics. Ask her or Mark about the race riots, ask her  and Mark about Enoch Powell. And yes Julie Bindel, a fellow compatriot of yours, complained about the Karen label but honestly it’s scary about how some of your peers chortled over racist jokes or your mother’s antics but get up in arms when people of color in service jobs call ya’ll out. But there are some Karen traits you show already, you will weaponize your place in the pecking order to beat down on another woman, like with Perpetua and Mark’s first ex-wife. 

What does this say about you?

I will be the first to admit, I would’ve jumped up and cheered if I woke up in your body. You are conventionally prettier, but lately I recognized my own points and one of them is flair and the ability to read folks. Believe it or not Bridget, you are seen as a role model and a relatable figure to folks (and your last film ran on Millennial bashing, hating on younger women is not a good look). Maybe these Zoomer teens were on to something? Bridge, they will save us, we need to do the work. 

Now maybe you can take a cue from Dr. Rawlings on how to support and critique women Bridget? In the meantime, I think if I run into you, I’ll run if I see your mother. 

Not all is lost, I see you are a reader, maybe put down the self-help books and do some self-improvement by learning how to be a better white ally. I would like to read Hood Feminism (Mikki Kendall is a delight on Twitter). Meanwhile, if you do release a 4th movie in the future: don’t release it during a U.S. election year (I have had enough right wing presidents to last my teens and twenties).  

[toongrrl-blog]

I put a lot of heart into this. Really mad about today.

Even women you deem as "the bitch in the corner of the poster" are human. Exes are human. Racism is not okay, ever

[toongrrl-blog]

Perpetua: A Potential Heroine for our times.

Hi everyone we are going to rant about the Bridget Jones series once again and talk about a character, who I feel came too early before our current zeitgeist of bad bitch feminism and the #GirlBoss: Perpetua. 

Perpetua is not intended to be likable. She is very posh, snooty, a bit arrogant, and demanding of Bridget and people she works with, greeting Bridget with a slight sneer as she comes into work and Bridget’s inner monologue voices a desire to staple stuff to her head for having gained a bit of power over Bridget in the publishing company Pemberley Press. Gee, let’s see what we have: entitled, snooty, fancy, having the attitude they are above it all, who has those traits? I’ll wait *sipping tea*

But we notice something about Perpetua; after Bridget’s relationship with Daniel implodes because he was using her as his side piece and decides to find a better job elsewhere, Bridget goes to Daniel to tell him she is quitting. Perpetua overhears and picks up on what has been going on (she is appalled at what she is hearing) and as soon as Daniel tries to beg Bridget to stay, Perpetua gets up to defend Bridget: “I want to hear this, because if she gives one inch, I’m going to fire her bony arse for being totally spineless!” To her smiling pride, she sees Bridget tell Daniel off and leave the publishing company...and that’s the last we see of Perpetua. Even after that (awesome) scene, my teenage self got the message that it’s better to be a Bridget over a Perpetua, a bubbly but insecure girl who tries to conform to the male gaze over a stoic and IDGAF woman who does what she wants. I also heard messages from people, like my parents, telling me how important it was to act and look a certain way to be “likable”; it was better to be insecure and conventionally feminine rather than to be confident not very popular but self-assured. Also Bridget was the rom-com heroine who had people fall in love with her, Perpetua was seen as stuck-up and she was thrown to the wayside. Who stood to reap the benefits of our society?

Looking back, I found out that after almost 20 years of trying to be a Bridget: the “relatable” insecure girl next door type who is vulnerable and needs the validation of those to find her desirable and “worth it” that I’m wasn’t the likable, conventionally pretty and feminine Bridget...I was Perpetua: not always likable, assertive, willing to put her neck out there, not always sociable, but assured of her intelligence and her ability to turn heads. Plus we have our signature style and know how to work accessories. While Bridget dresses basic and in miniskirts (she wants to blend in but also attract men), Perpetua stands out in her headbands, pearls, cardigans, and pie-crust collars combining the elements that I loved in a younger Hillary Rodham Clinton, Peggy Olson, Nancy Wheeler, and Raquel Rodriguez Orozco from Destinos: An Introduction to Spanish. Just a Power Preppie who figured out how to stick out and take her place in a male-dominated workplace, with no apologies. 

After watching Tee Noir’s video on women who were declared to be problematic but upon second viewing and reading were raising valid points about their situation or the situations they observed but lacked the likability or popularity to be taken seriously, I was inspired to finally write this post. As Perpetua was a woman who showcased what it was like to live life on your terms and not ask for the permission of anyone to validate you. A woman who may have envied Bridget’s “bony arse” but didn’t let her size or peoples’ perceptions of her appearance get in the way of getting what she wanted from others. 

Here are some tropes and issues I will be referring to in this order, as they relate to Perpetua’s role in the films and books and how they regard her.

Fatphobia: Being Targeted by Internalized Hatred

“Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around.” Bridget Jones’s inner monologue, Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001)

We all know that Bridget Jones is notoriously famous for obsessing over her weight (134 lbs. at 5′4″, which is pretty fine) and that there have been reviews of the books and the movies condemning her or passive-aggressively noting that she isn’t Hollywood Thin and how it was remarkable for she (with hourglass curves, wears a small to medium size, blonde and blue eyed, average pretty at her worst) to get Colin Firth and Hugh Grant (in their prime) to fight over her. Whether we go by the timeline of the books (her birth year being 1962, Marilyn Monroe’s death) or the movies (her birth year being 1969 in the first film, post Jayne Mansfield), we see that Bridget grew up in and became an adult in an age where the female standard of beauty had gotten thinner and thinner, with even models having their pores air-brushed away from their faces. To paraphrase a Mad Men fan when she was talking about the culture of the mid-1960s, when she was a kid and women wanted to look curvaceous as Marilyn and Elizabeth Taylor, she looked like Twiggy; when she developed the voluptuous curves, everyone wanted to look like Twiggy. The 1970s and 1980s was an age of self-improvement as female empowerment (feminism co-opted by capitalism) where dieting and getting thinner was seen as “bettering” oneself. Suddenly it wasn’t cool for Bridget to strut her stuff in a pencil skirt a la Joan Holloway, it wasn’t enough to be a junior partner or to create your own safety net, even the irresistible Veronica Lodge worried about her weight. 

*WARNING: Most of my sources refer to Fat Black Women but I feel like the arguments hold up here*

Then we go to Bridget and Perpetua, aside from their personality clash, Bridget is secretly envious and outwardly disgusted by how Perpetua can be much heavier than Bridget, yet wear curve-hugging clothes and go shopping and not give a shit about how her body looked. Perpetua knows that her boyfriend appreciates her good pussy under her gut! Bridget comforts herself by telling herself that happiness comes from reaching attainable goals....like changing one’s body rather than making money or procuring items....sigh Capitalism is a son of a gun. Clearly Bridget has animosity towards Perpetua for being plump and not feeling like she needs to hide for not looking like a supermodel. But why?

Fatphobia is one way of expressing internalized hatred against one’s body and their own self. In fact, Perpetua committed the sin of loving herself (or being neutral to oneself) as she is, and stands out from the rest of the cast who are obsessed with living up to certain standards to putting forward a certain image to the world that everything is fine. In a fatphobic capitalist patriarchy, it’s quite maddening that she would develop the arrogance and entitlement that she puts on display, especially because she is a...woman! Katie Wee, in her essay for Huffington Post, talked about how it was hard for her to play a fat-shaming exercise instructor in an episode of Shrill because she wouldn’t fat shame another person, but she had practice internalizing that cruelty. Wee talks about her history of eating disorders and over-exercising, all in a bid to become a ballerina, well into her twenties. Currently she works at a body-inclusive fitness studio and that Lindy West and Aidy Bryant were very encouraging in her performance. She also said:

When Annie writes her off, I made the decision that for Tanya this hits something much deeper. It’s as if Annie is saying Tanya’s life’s work is for nothing, or her religion is bullshit. Annie is feeling content in the body she is in, and for Tanya this feels like a personal attack. The subtext to what Tanya is saying is, “If I don’t get to be happy in my body, neither do you! Especially not you.”

This was also explored in the Room 104 episode “The Hikers” where college graduates and childhood best friends go on a hiking trip before they start working or looking for work. Megan (the fabulous Shannon Purser) is plump, freckled, down to earth and happy to have gotten a job offer right after she accepted her degree while her friend Casey (Kendra Carelli) is thin, has excelled on Instagram artifice, and hasn’t procured her own job yet but is triumphant over her past popularity. Yet a placed pebble in Megan’s boot reveals that Casey has been feeling disgust over how her fat friend would thrive in a larger body and not cover up and how she was burdened with making sure she was included in social gatherings growing up, soon Casey’s angry rant after Megan voiced her disgust over Casey’s sense of superiority over her reveals that Casey is angry that being conventionally beautiful and popular hasn’t made her any happier with herself or her own life, while Megan has excelled in their young adulthood in spite of her appearance and lack of popularity. Bridget is angry that Perpetua is thriving and content with her own life despite not looking a certain way while Bridget has been trying to get down to 110 lbs since she was a teenager and has been backing out of rooms after getting laid so the menfolk wouldn’t notice her behind isn’t scrawny (what would she think of Kim Kardashian’s or Nicki Minaj’s behinds?). Bridget, who poured energy into fitting an ideal of an adult woman, is miserable while Perpetua, who isn’t the “ideal woman”, is successful. 

There is also some egocentrism on Bridget’s part: she is a heroine of a rom com so the story centers on her, with her friends being mere satellites. There has been a tradition of the fat best friend who exists to support the leading lady or gent who will fall in love while the fat person gets to sass and serve as cheerleader, with no insight on their inner life. Especially if they are Black. Tee Noir noted that most of the funny fat friends tend to be more engaging and likable or just plain compelling than the conventionally attractive main character, but their characterization is often neglected, to the point of sometimes even lacking a last name. In fact society, and even fat people, are internalized towards thinking that if you don’t fit the standard of desirability (thin, white, young-ish, cis, wealthy), you have to settle for less in your relationships and in entitlements, like how Annie in Shrill goes out with a boy who is too mediocre for her, all because she got the message that a fat girl like her shouldn’t expect a hunk or even a guy who is going to treat her decently and see her as a goddess. The show centered on Annie bringing out her inner fat bitch. Bridget hears constantly from her smug married male pals that women of a certain age shouldn’t be too picky because they aren’t as attractive and fertile as younger women (ring, ring, I am calling Tarana Burke on their asses, can I be the hype man?) and that triggers her insecurities about being single and 130 something pounds. Perpetua, who is a bit older than Bridget, medically overweight, single (but with a boyfriend) and less conventionally attractive than her...and is thriving in her life with no rush to the altar and she is free to voice demands in her relationship. I guess Bridget isn’t as nice as we were supposed to think she is, no shade, but be upfront about it Bridget (or writers). 

But I can go easy on our hapless blonde, because Bridget (and probably Perpetua) internalized the notion that fat is disgusting and that women who aren’t thin enough have to shrink themselves and blend in, not causing waves. Perpetua lets us in on some hints that perhaps she is jealous of Bridget’s looks and figure, referring to her as having a “bony arse” for one, but it’s not a driving trait of her character. In her seminal book on female Baby Boom pop culture history, Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female with the Mass Media, she noted that from a young age women were encouraged to see other women as competition, and if one woman is victorious in one area, we are defeated “And we had grown up with a notion of a female hierarchy in which some women---the Waspy, wealthy, young, and beautiful---were at the top of the pyramid and other women---the poor, the dark-skinned, the ugly, the old, the fat---were at the bottom and this is something that advertising (a source that sells Perpetua her image of wealth and sells Bridget’s insecurities) capitalizes on. Media in the 1970s have even applied the same dichotomy to some feminists where Germaine Greer (before she was all TERFy) and Gloria Steinem were held up as exceptions to the stereotype of ugly, nagging, and/or mannish feminists (something that Betty Freidan, Kate Millet, and the OG Bella Abzug got slapped with). It’s the ugly side affect of individualism.

One can hope that Bridget got the shameless and joyful spirit of that little girl who ran around the paddling pool in her underwear back. 

Who’s Afraid of “Fat ass old bags”?: Backlash against non-insecure women

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you'll be criticized anyway.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Let’s be clear: arrogance isn’t confidence. I use the term “non-insecure” as an umbrella term for Perpetua and for confident women who have faced backlash for their lack of willingness to act like they are less than to appease the patriarchy. But...men get to be arrogant and admired for their drive and accomplishments, hell they don’t even have to accomplish much unless you count bankruptcies (look at who is President of the United States at the time of this writing). So why do women who act arrogantly, aggressively, cut throat, authoritative, or just plain assert their needs and personal boundaries are so vilified? So I will try to look for how we could all learn to be confident as Perpetua. 

Ever since Peggy Olson was promoted to Junior Copywriter, and even before, women in the workplace have been scrutinized from the secretarial pool to even top positions as CEO or junior partner. Like McCann-Erickson in the final season of Mad Men, Pemberley Press is something of a toxic workplace where underlings fight to get noticed for their achievements in dull lighting, men like Daniel Cleaver and Mr. Fitzherbert (more like Tits Pervert, right Bridget?) feel free to sexually harass women who haven’t developed the skills to defend themselves and demand respect, and where the characters we are closest to, don’t really like her. Women in power tend to confuse a white cis male hierarchy with a pecking order where the men try to undermine her authority either because they find her too attractive or make her feel unattractive, sometimes other women would undermine women because their success threatens their own self-image as women. A toxic workplace can also be why Bridget cannot excel at the work she does (she jumps from one toxic workplace to another in the movie); this can also be why Perpetua comes off as a hardass, she has to put up a shield to protect herself and the years working at Pemberley Press have hardened her to the point where Bridget couldn’t relate to her. 

Bridget, according to Daniel Cleaver and the viewers of the films, is likable while Perpetua is not. Bridget is very feminine, sexy, witty, self-deprecating, supportive, warm, and non-intimidating while Perpetua may be feminine (look at them pearls and long hair), she isn’t conventionally attractive as Bridget and her size and age have kept her out of the “sexy box” and while Perpetua is clever, the woman doesn’t ease her way into conversations at parties like Bridget pretty much demanding to be introduced and included in them and she walks with the ease and assumption that she belongs everywhere she goes. Perpetua just also isn’t cuddly, but men get to be aloof like Mark to the point of being insulting or irreverent like Daniel to the point of toxicity, why is Perpetua being judged so harshly for traits that we see in these two high-status men? Forbes magazine once quoted that women are affected by two types of bias at work: prescriptive and descriptive bias. 

Descriptive bias is the labels we attach and associate with certain social groups and communities, and prescriptive bias is how they are expected to behave. And, when someone does not conform to these prescribed roles and behaviors they can be penalized or punished. Women, for instance, are traditionally expected to be caring, warm, deferential, emotional, sensitive, and so on, and men are expected to be assertive, rational, competent and objective. So, when it comes to promotion, these traits are sometimes automatically prescribed to people as per their gender without detailed information about their personalities, thereby a man, in general, is assumed to be a better fit as a leader.

The other side of this is prescriptive bias is when a woman does not fit the role that is traditionally assigned to her and attempts to claim a traditionally male position is seen as breaking the norm. So, when a woman is decisive, she might be perceived as "brusque" and "abrupt". Therefore, for the same kind of leadership behavior, women might be penalized while a man is commended.

Women who are traditionally feminine (passive, self-effacing, caring), are considered “likable” but not leadership material while women who display traditionally masculine traits (assertiveness, self-preservation, ambition) are considered ball-busters. Both women are less likely to get promoted because of both bias, while what’s “bossy”  or, sometimes, “hysterical” for women, get’s men promoted (*cough* Brett Kavanaugh crying that he likes beer *cough*). Women who help out at work aren’t seen for what those caring and proactive qualities can benefit the workplace, it’s expected that a woman would be so domestic. Even female candidates for Head of State are subjected to the tyranny of likability....for a position where the focus has to be on achieving safety and stability for a nation, even if no one likes them, a position that will be decisive no matter what they do. The work can be done by women supporting one another and both genders checking their biases at the door. Men can call out another man for describing their appropriately authoritative female boss as a “bitch” and women can examine why other women demanding more in their relationships or being promiscuous is so threatening to them. Women can even decide who takes turns at office domestic tasks like making coffee and getting birthday cards signed, making it a universal effort by the work site and network with each other as they celebrate each other’s triumphs and different traits.  

Bridget’s passivity doesn’t help her in being taken seriously at work by her male peers either. Whereas Perpetua is disparaged for being older, heavier, and less conventionally attractive as she is criticized for being authoritative, Bridget is reduced to her sex appeal by Daniel to her face and even described as “fannying about with the press releases” (hearing about this treatment incenses Perpetua to Bridget’s side), thereby reducing Bridget’s femininity into something frivolous and not a endearing trait that helps her navigate the world. Bridget has proved in a deleted scene that she can give a brilliant advertising pitch for a horror novel, sadly the assignment was for a children’s book but it was maddening that the men wouldn’t give Bridget that credit (watch it, I can see Peggy Olson smiling somewhere). Bridget is also hampered by what is called “Imposter Syndrome”: according to Wikipedia, it “is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'” despite have external skills and a number of accomplishments. Aside from her own appearance, Bridget puts her own abilities and intellect down, and it’s no surprise as how her society puts an emphasis on the physical appearance of women: “If you've grown up with messages that you're only valued for your looks and your body, not your skills or intelligence, you may end up getting a certain job or position and wondering whether you truly deserve it or if the hiring manager just thought you were a pretty face”, said clinical psychologist Emily Hu for the BBC (not to mention it’s much harder for women of color who deal with their cultural expectations and prejudice from a white supremacist patriarchy). Bridget’s own outrageous mother hasn’t passed down her bolder traits to her daughter and often makes Bridget feel small as she berates her for “not getting your colours done” or being unmarried. 

In a world where tomboys and girly girls are pitted against each other, what would have happened if Perpetua and Bridget have let go of their preconceived notions of one another? Perpetua does seem to see Bridget as more than “blonde hair and big boobs”. It’s worth seeing that when the Bustle wrote about how to combat workplace misogyny, that they emphasized how important it was to support other women in the workplace as Perpetua did for Bridget at the last minute, alongside feeling free to disagree with men and demand a raise. Once again I want to note, Bridget and Perpetua are both white cis able-bodied women from upper-middle class backgrounds, so if their professional journey is fraught just imagine what it’s like for women of color. 

Tough Women

“You can stand me up at the gates of hell. But I won't back down.” I Won’t Back Down, Tom Petty  

Bridget learns, as we all do, and like Perpetua might have done that if she wanted to overcome her issues, she really has to confront her own discomfort and take risks as she demands more from life. Perpetua is a tough woman: she doesn’t appear to soften, even when she is greeting Bridget or Mark Darcy, who she is impressed by and she seems to encourage Natasha’s efforts to snatch him up. Granted a woman like Perpetua probably learned she had to tough, if she wanted to make it in a male-dominated workspace, I would not be surprised if she had parents who instilled a sense of ambition and toughness in her from a young age, or like Megan from Bridesmaids, she had to deal with a childhood of bullying and took that pain to transform herself into a formidable character.

We also see from her confrontation with Daniel, she isn’t afraid to get harsh with a powerful man especially after she finds out that he has been using a female employee sexually and been denigrating her worth at the office. 

We don’t know Perpetua’s physical prowess and she clearly prefers pearls to combat boots, but she does possess traits that are associated with men: logical mind, firm, self-reliant, witty, sharp-minded, a professional in a cutthroat environment, and is flawed while being formidable. Perpetua is strong, a Shonda Rhimes character that Rhimes herself hasn’t created. Sadly like most Tough Girls, she isn’t her own protagonist and is there as an accessory to the main character, the Trinity to The Matrix’s Neo and she is often the lone woman that Bridget interacts with at work. Tough Girls are counterparts to more “typical” women: traditionally feminine women who are softer and more emotional...Bridgets. One thing I want to note is that Bridget is the protagonist instead of a love interest but yet she stands alone as her friendships are not that positive and her relationship with her mother is strained. Like Ripley of the Alien series, Perpetua is the lone smart and strong woman who has to deal with a environment where no one else wants to listen to her and everyone is ruled by their emotions (or their libido). She is Joan Holloway, who weathers the misogynistic waters with her razor-sharp observations and commentary regarding the absurdities of the people who are around her, while not being afraid to command attention and others, even at the risk at not being truly liked but “admired”. Not a phony. Perpetua is a privileged woman but like I stated before, she dealt with a combination of body-shaming and misogyny that toughened her...but why should a woman be tough and hurt? We could have had a scene where Bridget encourages Perpetua to reveal her vulnerabilities and open up along with Perpetua pushing her to be more resilient over a spa day with face masks, pedicures, beer, Milk Trays, pizza, Terminator movies, and hair makeovers while discussing how to hide Uncle Geoffrey’s body.

Strong Independent Women

“The watch I'm wearin', I've bought it. The house I live in, I've bought it. The car. I'm driving, I've bought it. I depend on me, I depend on me.” Independent Women, Destiny’s Child

Imagine trying to reconcile feminist principles of not depending on male partners and rugged individualism that insists the opposite of what John Donne’s quote about how one person is a party of a larger community. You have the Strong Independent Woman, who is used by capitalism to sell feminism and face cream/Spanx/sanitary napkins/Wonderbras/lipstick, who needs no man (or interdependence) to thrive in a still misogynistic world. This misogynistic world also abhors the independence, self-assurance, self-reliance, and self-love of women who choose to follow their path. Meanwhile the non-mainstream feminist and environmental movement have pushed for a culture of interdependence and for a culture that doesn’t base one’s value on how much money or genius or beauty (or what have you) an individual possesses; Bella Abzug noted that “Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel”.

But the image of the female individualist for one strong reason: women are still expected to perform the bulk of emotional and domestic labor while being paid less than their male peers for the same job, also because of ingrained sexism and perpetuated self-doubt, many women are still dependent on their spouses, parents, bosses, the opinions of others. It’s nice to see images of powerful, strong, often gorgeous women of wealth not have to depend on men for their worth or their livelihood. But we are flesh-and-blood human beings, not super beings or robots; even Perpetua shows some vulnerability when she refers to Bridget being a lot thinner than she and she is clearly looks crestfallen when she hears that Bridget has been belittled and used for her body by Daniel, we don’t hear much about her circle of friends in the movie aside from Natasha (in the book, she is friends with some same-minded women). Everyone needs an interdependent society of people supporting one another and helping each other grow. 

Perpetua both upholds and subverts the tenets of the Independent Woman: she isn’t the supermodel-esque independent woman but Perpetua makes her own money and at lot of it, she dresses very well to project her authority in the workplace, she is bold, rejects the validation of male authority, and she isn’t afraid to be unlikable. She lives in a big city (because independent and single people don’t live in small towns or the suburbs *sarcasm*), presumably in her own spacious apartment or even a townhouse, she has found herself at some point before the story and has a strong sense of self, she works hard and has a strong sense of purpose because of her work ethic, and heaven help the dumbass that underestimates her or any other woman. She is a non-superpowered Carol Danvers: rather than waiting for someone to rescue her, she is quick to rescue herself from self-doubt or even rescue someone from injustice. She is noted to have a love interest, but she doesn’t revolve her world around him and is suggested to make demands for her needs in the relationship, showing she isn’t prone to fuckwittage as Bridget is (perhaps Perpetua learned to put a stop to that bullshit?). Of course because this is Bridget’s story, a woman who yearns for that fairytale ending of marriage, and this is a regressive, “post-feminist” (what sense does that make?) story, Perpetua isn’t a role model and is seen as a polar opposite to Bridget’s softness, ditziness, girliness, romanticism, and self-effacing persona.

I want to stop and say that I am so happy to be writing this essay in 2020, a year in which a large number of women (especially of color) have been elected to political office in record numbers with the Indian and Jamaican American Kamala Harris being elected as Vice President of the United States (and the first woman to do so). She is also independent enough to make her own money and develop her sense of self, along with a strong sense of agency and inter-dependent enough to credit the support and love she has from her blended family including her late mother. In fact the independent women of Broad City, Sex and the City, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Moana, Mulan, and GLOW (crossing self) all have inter-dependent systems of support and are one another’s family (hell even Bridget’s so-called friends are her “Urban Family”). I also want to say, it’s highly likely that Kamala was more a Perpetua and not a Bridget (or else she wouldn’t have been able to succeed like she has done in her career), thus her win as Vice President vindicates Perpetuas who have worked and lived before her. 

Working Women Do’s and Don’ts

“You're just a step on the boss man's ladder. But you got dreams he'll never take away.” 9 to 5, Dolly Parton

As established, Perpetua is happily single (but also partnered), she fulfilled in material comforts, she is unafraid to confront men about their bullshit (she has a hard time trying to get Fitzherbert away, I bet), and she has high standards. To paraphrase Charlotte Pickles, to thrive where she works she has to “eat, breathe, and sweat self-esteem” and she does. This is something that Bridget lacks and something I feel Perpetua can help her with. Sadly we never got that chance: the gentle and feminine Bridget and the stern and neutral Perpetua bonding in a mutually beneficial kinship. I’m sure that Perpetua wishes she could talk back to men like Julia Sugarbaker of Designing Women and that her role models came after some viewings of Working Girl, Baby Boom, and Murphy Brown and perhaps by the privileged and successful men (and a few women) in her family. It must be said that despite being referred to and clearly existing, we never see Perpetua’s boyfriend and that’s because pop culture has long depicted women in managerial and supervisory positions as lonely, ice-cold, unfeminine, and hard. Meanwhile more feminine women like Bridget don’t get the respect that Perpetua has and demands, and Perpetua lacks Bridget’s likability (Bridget of the many men and one woman who fall in love with her). While I wouldn’t consider Perpetua to be politically progressive (she is a woman of privilege and Sloan Rangers are considered Tories) but she isn’t a woman who is willing to exploit others for her own bottom line (or the corner office). We do see that she is quick to defend Bridget from slut-shaming or having her worth denigrated by Daniel, which leads to a rare scene of comcaderie between her and Bridget. I get the sense that Perpetua isn’t merely interested in ruling the workplace, but she wants to change the workplace enough to be less toxic (getting rid of Daniel and Fitzherbert). 

I can find some similarities to Perpetua in three fictional characters known for their drive in the workplace: Dr. Christina Yang (Grey’s Anatomy), Peggy Olson (Mad Men), and Princess Carolyn (Bojack Horseman). Christina Yang, like her creator Shonda Rhimes (if you are reading this Ms. Rhimes or someone writing or interning for her, please feel free to take ideas for a film or show about Perpetua, I need cheddar), is proudly childfree, dominant, blunt, up for a good time, and voraciously sexual and ambitious. Like Perpetua, she doesn’t aim to please others and very performative in her actions and words along with being caring and brusque (and snarky, especially about the terrifying Mr. Blobby). Also like Perpetua, Yang finds comcaderie with a bubbly young blonde who is sometimes reduced to her beauty (Izzy as played by Katherine Heigel) and tries to lift her girl friends up. While Perpetua has been working in a post Cold War publishing company, Peggy Olson is a young woman from Brooklyn working at a advertising agency in the 1960s, with different struggles from her more “sexier” counterpart (Joan is a more confident Bridget after all, and Peggy has some BJ traits). Peggy is also a trailblazer for assertive working women of today and paved the way for Perpetua across the pond, setting an example from the ground up (partly observing the men above her) when she wasn’t able to find much female role models that didn’t rely on their sexuality or follow a traditional path. Women during that time didn’t have reproductive freedom, equal pay (still, sigh), and working women were shamed for wanting to follow a different path. Peggy also deals with fatphobia in Season One (she was actually pregnant) and divorced herself from her sexuality temporarily (but she experiments with sex and drugs throughout the series). Like Peggy, Perpetua isn’t crippled by Don Draper’s self-loathing (Bridget) or lack of discipline (Daniel) and Perpetua had to learn to believe in herself rather than merely rely on the validation of others. Princess Carolyn is a pink, perky, girly girl cat but like Perpetua she has a relentless drive, is intelligent, hard-working, can sell something (a celebrity image or books), and knows how to positively influence certain people around her. All these women have lived by their own self-definitions and owned the struggles they endured to get ahead. 

Can’t Be Tamed

Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?

Katarina Stratford: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30. 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Rom Coms (such as Bridget Jones’s Diary) have a nasty habit of wanting to tame, soften, tone down, settle down an independent woman with her strong mind, sharp tongue, active sex life, and own money to matrimony. Then we have heroines who are allowed to fly their freak flag and find their own tribe (or leading man). That is Kat Stratford, the teenage feminist protagonist of 10 Things I Hate About You, a girl that Perpetua would have been at that age if she were American with blonde, pretty privilege. After all Perpetua has been perceived by Bridget (a Bianca without wit or spine) as a “heinous bitch” as delivered by the fabulous Allison Janney; they are perceived as difficult women who rain down their parades with their truth and don’t suffer the foolishness of arrogant men. Such women are supposed to be tamed, which has several meanings. The negative being to “tone down” or “dominate”; an alternate definition has been offered by The Little Prince’s fox “to earn one’s trust”.

We don’t know if Perpetua has anyone, romantic or platonic, to complement her personality and balance her out as Natasha seems to have Perpetua’s negative traits. This is where she and Bridget could have developed a friendship, combining vulnerability and a disdain for the fickle opinions of others and keep from having to choose between love and career, between relationships and financial independence. We could have seen a closer relationship blossom over the story just as Bianca and Kat grow closer to one another in the film. Maybe Bridget demanding more from Mark at the end, telling him that just because he bought her a new diary it doesn’t mean that he can get away with walking away from her and that it makes up for how tight-assed he can be with Perpetua cheering her on and another scene where Bridget smiles and let’s Perpetua squees over something in excitement. 

Like Kat, the Perpetuas can find their own tribes or mates. 

Women of Privilege in Media

Rich bitches, girl bosses, sassy queens, matriarchs, as Christopher Rosa noted about these women (which includes Perpetua): "They're rude, they're loaded, and we love them for it.” In a world that hates empowered women, as bell hooks bluntly noted, these Regina Georges, Cheryl Blossoms, Alexis Carringtons, and Perpetuas take back that slur and wrap it up in designer couture and fabulous accessories with nary a hair out of place. They own the negative stereotypes and manicure it into an image of fearlessness. They reject the social pressures placed on women to be nice no matter what, likable, fade into the background, and talk themselves down. Rich bitches indulge themselves with no apology and wear their strengths as boldly as their statement jewelry. But what if you don’t want to be bitchy all the time, what if you want to channel that fierceness into something constructive? 

#Girlboss is an atom and a half: traditionalists argue that she isn’t a proper “feminine” woman who loses out on heterosexual love and children (”true womanhood”) while many feminists argue that she simply advanced to a seat in the patriarchy and doesn’t give a damn about the little people below her enough to truly make positive changes. Pop Culture has four flavors of the this character, as noted by The Take: the Bitch Boss, the Pre Code Boss who acts the way we think women started acting like after 1968, the Feminine Boss, and the social media savvy Girlboss who starts companies with cutesy names like WAHAM or WEEMAN or GOOP and they are often white and conventionally attractive. The last flavor exploits feminist phrases while selling out to capitalism and patriarchy for women to buy more shit and willing to step on people’s heads while building her empire. Sometimes she’s Charlotte Pickles, a somewhat ruthless but loving mother and CEO who loves angora sweaters, is glued to her phone, and can effectively hit the roof of a overturned boat with her high heel. Perpetua may seem standoffish to care only about her bottom line or take on traditionally masculine traits like Ruth Chatterton in Female or Diane Keaton in Baby Boom, but she proves to be a Leslie Knope when she stands up for Bridget in a heated moment. Perpetua has no necessity for large pink letters or catchphrases to prove she is a powerful (and empowered) woman, she simply is. One can see Perpetua taking over Pemberley Press, first Daniel’s job and then ousting Fitzherbert and taking his position, thus ousting misogyny from that workplace and using her power to uplift more voices in writing. 

Bridget and Perpetua, meet, Betty and Veronica (respectively). While the Bridget the Nice Girl avoids her issues (and Betty can be in danger of being subsumed by them), Veronica and Perpetua make their rules and are willing to break them. Like Perpetua, the teenage Veronica wears her posh prep clothes proudly with a string of pearls and headbands holding her shiny hair. Veronica is also confronting a system (and family legacy) that taints America and makes living so impossible for people who have no boots to pull the straps from and handicaps her to a pedestal. Perpetua seems to want her friend Natasha to snap up Mark Darcy (remember she knows nothing of Mark and Bridget) like Veronica in the CW reboot wanted Betty to do with Archie. Both want to work hard and be recognized for their merit, not wanting to depend solely on Daddy’s money, bucking long-standing patriarchal expectations of upper-class young women who were expected to marry a man from a similar class and have children to inherit the money. Perpetua and Veronica show a willingness to get down and dirty while being allies to their less privileged and/or more passive female comrades. They also wield their power to take down over-puffed authority figures who abuse their privilege and have attitude when a woman gets slut-shamed or otherwise mistreated. Remember Daniel and Mr. Titspervert, Perpetua’s specialty is ice.

Legally Blonde and Bridesmaids, etc. 

Vivian Kensington. Elle Woods. Professor Stromwell. These women showcase an alternative where cold but supportive women befriend our plucky blonde protagonist in a Playboy bunny suit and a douchebag ex-boyfriend (before ending up with a lawyer who comes off as uptight). Legally Blonde gifted Elle camaraderie with these women while Perpetua was left at the wayside and Elle was given a circle of supportive friends while Bridget had friends who negged her and were a poor influence on her confidence. Where Delta Nu gave Elle their time to help her practice for the LSATS, Bridget’s friends openly wonder out loud that Mark Darcy said he likes Bridget as she is, ditziness and unfashionable (of the time) curves and non-airbrushed looks (really?). We also see Elle add more people to her friend circle, like the working-class Paulette who proves to be mutually supportive of Elle and has been empowered by her to stand up to her ex and then we focus on two women who stand in for Perpetua: the steely Professor Stromwell ( the Mrs. Sarah Paulson, Holland Taylor) and the preppy  Vivian Kensington (Selma Blair, la diva). Vivian and Elle start out as rivals for the handsome but douchey Warner Huntington III, who categorizes these women as the wife material Jackie and the fun and hot-tubbing Marilyn, but slowly upon finding out that their professor is a sexist who demands his young interns get him coffee and that Warner lacks Elle’s integrity find some common ground. Vivian is horrified and takes back her previous behavior upon hearing that their professor has sexually harassed Elle, reducing this intelligent and savvy young woman to her sex appeal. Also Professor Stromwell puts Elle on the spot on her first day of classes at and has a reputation for making her students sob, but it’s implied that Stromwell sees a bit of herself in Elle and wants this young woman to succeed and that means challenging her to do the hard work in Harvard. In the climax of the film, when Elle discusses quitting Harvard because of people undervaluing her intellect and being sexually harassed as a final straw, Stromwell turns around in her salon chair and tells Elle: “If you let one male prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were.” Stromwell gets credit in Elle’s valedictorian speech at the end of the film. We see here that while Elle upholds girliness and finds new love in a established lawyer, unlike Bridget she has a support system of women (and a few men) who encourage her to kick ass and challenge the perceptions of others and celebrate her triumph in defending someone from a life-altering sentence. 

I feel that in 2001, either Annie Mumulo or Kristen Wiig watched BJD and found the relationship between Bridget and Megan wanting as well as I did, this likely spurred them into writing Bridesmaids, a film that centered on women fighting over a best friend rather than a man, where the male love interest listened to the protagonist vent about her friend issues, and where an overweight and unconventional female secondary character pushes our insecure everywoman protagonist to start fighting for her goals and her sense of self, or rather her “shitty life”. Annie (Kirsten Wiig) is a former owner of a bakery that fell victim to the 2008 recession who is hitting rock bottom as her childhood best friend gets engaged and starts befriending her fiancee’s boss’s preened to perfection wife Helen (Rose Byrne)  and then finds comfort and motivation in the form of the fiancee’s wacky sister Megan (Melissa McCarthy). Annie gets loonier as the movie goes on (ahem) until Megan persuades her to channel that spirit more constructively; Megan is proud of her hard-earned achievements and is confident but also kind enough to adopt several puppies and see Annie at her lowest. Megan earns her own money and demands more from her relationships than the other women in the movie (unhappy marriages, lack of communication, lack of trust) and emboldens Annie to grab life by the horns, thus starting a new friendship. It’s notable that this film is about post-college aged adults and the role of friendships in their lives.

Perpetua’s Potential

The 2010s have shown more narratives that focused on women’s relationships with one another and have even re-defined what “happily ever after” looks like and as a result of the #MeToo and #TimesUp Movements, women have examined how toxic their culture is to women and finding that the harassment and assault of women to be terrifyingly normalized and it has been for a long time. Millennial and Gen Z women have even questioned the issue of pitting women against each other, one of which is the “not like other girls” attitude that pits the cool babe or the weird girl against the high-maintenance girly girls that easily conform to society (even rewriting these types as friends or lovers to one another). 

So what does that mean for Bridget Jones’s Diary? Well we could see a B Plot on Mark Darcy and his divorce from his Japanese ex-wife and she’d be given her own inner life and complexities, Perpetua might have to reconcile her relationship with Bridget and Natasha (the latter who is hostile to the former), we could see Perpetua strike up a friendship with her polar opposite Bridget and the narrative could focus on Bridget helping Perpetua open up her softer side while Perpetua gives Bridget the encouragement to stand up to her (admittedly) trashy family and friends and demand more from her relationship with Mark (or even dump him). We can even see them include Rebecca Gillies, the beautiful trust fund baby that works for Mark and finds Bridget to be desirable as she is (without being backhanded about it Mark!). We can see Bridget become stronger as she has one friend who challenges her to be better and another friend who finds her supremely wonderful and gets her to see it. 

Maybe we can see Uncle G die, a girl can dream.

The Rise of the Perpetuas or what happened after Bridget drank some of Perpetua’s Juice

#MeToo, #TimesUp, #BossBitch, Lizzo, Ariana Grande, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Beyonce, Hillary Clinton, Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, the Notorious (and late) Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Jacinda Ardern, Michelle Obama, Jameela Jamil, Mindy Kaling, Tiffany Ferg, Kimberly Nicole Foster, Dahvi Waller, Gretchen Whitmer, #BlackGirlsAreMagic, Mothers of the Movement, CaShawn Thompson, Intersectional Feminism, Black Feminism, Mad Men, Mrs. America, Insecure, The Baby Sitters Club, Amy Schumer, GLOW, Emma Gonzalez, Candice Carty Williams, Malala Yousafzai, Kamala Harris, Meghan Markle...all of them have grappled with issues like Bridget and Perpetua and have even expanded the conversation about women’s day to day lives and the small (and large) ways society is misogynistic and have gone further to question why it’s so commonplace. We even see a talk about body neutrality (as opposed to the sanitized body positivity), which one can easily see Perpetua practicing. We also see women being held up in social media as being “stanned” for being difficult, wonderful, achievement oriented, sassy, fierce, outspoken, demanding, and fashionable...all things that Perpetua was put down for. 

“I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch

Even when I'm crying crazy

Yeah, I got boy problems, that's the human in me

Bling bling, then I solve 'em, that's the goddess in me” Truth Hurts, Lizzo

To paraphrase Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?: All this time, they could have been friends. 

The year 2020 has been a dismal year for women’s careers as women are swamped with the demands of domestic life and bosses have shown that they won’t cut their employees slack for having kids in the background. People even explored how the pandemic has revealed cracks in society from economic disparity, how women are ultimately shouldered with the burdens of home that men aren’t expected to, how vulnerable marginalized communities are in systems with poor health care and systemic bigotry, and the lack of a social safety net. These are challenges I see Gen X, Millennial, and Gen Z women pushing back against (I will show up, pussy hat and mask on my person). One can even see Bridget, the ex Mrs. Darcy, Perpetua, and Rebecca marching in their Women’s March or even the global Black Lives Matter marches as they cheer on (or help) “tipped” over statues of colonizers and slave traders. We’d even see them attend virtual seminars on how to be better allies to BIPOC and listen as ex Mrs. Darcy talked about her difficulties as a East Asian woman in a predominantly white society and Bridget promising to call out her mother for her racist comments. There’d be no good woman/bad-woman dichotomy being perpetuated as they embrace each other’s differences. 

[toongrrl-blog]

#JusticeForTheExMrsDarcy a.k.a. Mark Darcy's "cruel raced" ex-wife.

Kimiko (also known to book fans as Rioko) Kishi meets her ex-husband's former fiance and new wife in a middle of a catfight before the Women's March starts and tells them a story about her to get the record straight about her reputation as his "cruel raced" ex wife.