#marissa goes like ok ill talk to him

[koreanbibliophilegirl]

Year-late confession

Okay, so now that I actually have a tumblr blog, I got something to say to the sh fandom...

I am 99.9% sure I caused the Syrah fic.

I sent Angie three separate pieces of fan mail in 2019, and the last one was sent in December. At the end, I added a p.s. asking after Syrah.

I found the reply in my inbox in January(it was sent a few days earlier, but I didn’t check), but she didn’t say anything about my p.s.

The next day, I came on tumblr(I liked to search sh material, even though I didn’t have a blog then) and found out that Angie posted a Syrah fic on her blog which caused a huge ripple throughout the fandom.

Even if I wasn’t the only one who asked about Syrah, I’m still pretty sure I was the proverbial last straw on the camel’s back.

I’ve been feeling sort of guilty about it for over a year now, but I got a tumblr blog only today, so I decied to come clean immediately.

Oh, and I got from Angie that Jo-Jo is building parachutes. Also Beetle’s birthday is Halloween. Also Merrin was born on July 13th.

[andsmile]

i'd love to hear you freddie and FE rants someday! i never liked FE but i find it a lot more interesting nowadays due to a different perception, how they were perhaps intended to deconstruct romanticization, to both themselves and the audience. what i've always liked is how it showed love won't save you from mental illness. is the undoing of that idealism that "enables effy to spiral further into it"?

(but i hate how they went with "the evil psychiatrist". it both punishes effy for her ""man magnetism"" and for getting help. it remembers of when marissa cooper went to a psychologist and met oliver and probably never trusted a psychologist again). it might be realistic that not all psycholists and psychiatrist will actually help you but my girls deserved better, okay)

freddie! oh god. i loved that kid, i really did, he was such a funny buzzkill, but that kid was completely out of it? 

let’s bring back the perfect quote that summarizes it all: Hamlet's basically a teenage boy. He's got all these desires, but he doesn't have the bottle to reach out for them. So, he goes mad, and wanks off about Ophelia, and ends up so boring, somebody has to kill him!

that’s freffy’s story right there. freffy started in a very sweet way, i think. he calls her beautiful and asks her things while cook goes for action and moves fast. effy likes the attention she gets from him, the effect she has on him, she likes that he blushes, he represents something she never allowed herself to have. 

but why, exactly, does freddie love effy so much? he never talks to her. he only watches her from afar and judges her kind of endlessly, they spend literally 30 minutes together once and exchanged a few glances. he gets brave one day and kisses her and it’s all good, but i just don’t... understand... why freddie loves her so much?? lol i do understand why effy gets so intrigued by him and his willingness to love her but WHY does he love her, i’ll never understand. all he did was judge her and make this literal face at her “🥴️” whenever she did anything. but anyway! he loves her and she knows that this kind of love is something that will let her walls down.

then in skins 4... effy allows herself to dive deep into it. freddie takes it. they are now boyfriend and girlfriend and so sweet, freddie is in heaven and super happy, and effy is just getting worse and worse and he literally cannot see it because he only sees what she wants him to see. when effy shows him she’s not ok, then he starts seeing it as something he can fix. then, we find out that freddie’s mom had depression and killed herself. now, he’s not only hamlet, but he’s also edipo.

he starts this obsession that he’s the one who’s going to save effy, since he couldn’t save his mom. effy thinks it’s love, the love that was supposed to save her, it made her weak. freddie says that he’s going to fight her demons and he’s going to save her and as much as it’s heartbreaking to see him try only to find out she cuts her wrists, it’s like--yeah, freddie. you can’t save anyone from themselves.

love is not supposed to do that - you made me go mad / well yes?

but anyway, freddie was just not in a good mental space as well? he was not that healthy for effy? he was ready to run away and drop it all -- and leave her alone with her demons -- because he thought she didn’t love him? he was obsessing over her in a way that actually did kill him? that notebook filled with i love her that people think it’s romantic it’s just wtf to me? how can anyone look at that and think it’s romantic?

and yeah, freddie in his attempt to save effy again, ends up dying himself. like... the kid had a good heart and he really wanted to make things right, but he was just completely lost and didn’t know what to do? poor freddie tbh. but he could never be strong enough to handle her and all that came with her.

i’m with you on the fact that the evil psychiatrist was bullshit, omg, but skins was written by men in the end so yeah.

effy definitely deserved better, but it’s also like... even when she’s taking pills later in life and apparently doing things right with a routine and all, she still doesn’t lose her trait of destroying everything she touches, which had nothing to do with her mental illness, it was just the way she did things. it was just who she was, and no one knew how to deal with her, they all saw whoever she wanted them to see. 

(except tony --you don’t fool me effy stonem-- and cook -- we got a lot in common, me and you)

she has a freddie and a jj in skins 7 and she prefers to stand alone, and cook has an effy!lite and a freddie in skins 7 and in the end he prefers to stand alone too. if this was any other show i’d say it means nothing, but for the couple that had an iconic scene to a song that said we were born to be alone? otp material, omg.