#maria : no weaknesses / child : :) / maria : one weakness

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

Don’t Drink- Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky comforts crying reader when Tony goes too far

Word count: 955

TW: discussions of alcoholism, self harm and neglectful family

Most of the night you had been lively, energetic and maybe even a little flirty with a certain brunette super soldier, but when that question came out of Tony’s mouth, in front of every one, you couldn’t help shrink into yourself.

You are by no means a shy person, I mean sometimes you can be closed off but you’re happy to talk to anyone, which is what you had been doing.

The typical Stark party was starting to wind down and you and your friends had found a couch and were happily talking. You sat sipping your lemonade, now Nat was no longer manning the bar, her amazing mocktails were off the menu. You were both listening and talking to your friends, and everything was going great. Until that damn question rung loud across your friends, and cutting you to the core.

“Well why doesn’t y/n drink?” Tony shouted drunkly, causing everyone to stop their conversations and stare between you and he.

The tension in the room suddenly became thick as some of your friends looked at you with worrying looks, and some glaring at Tony. You didn’t blame Tony, and if he’d just accepted the excuse you gave it would have been fine. He didn’t know about your dad or your family, only a few of the team did, but he didn’t have to push.

“I mean come on, it’s a party, we’re all drinking and having a good time, maybe a few drinks might loosen you up a bit. Maybe if you had a drink or two, you might even get lucky,” Tony winked at you.

This got people annoyed.

“Come on, Tony, that’s enough,” Steve said, both he and Rhodey trying to usher him away, while Natasha held your hand and Bucky looked at you with sweet eyes.

“Well why doesn’t she?” He shouted, refusing to leave and demanding an answer like a child.

This confrontation had flooded you with shame and embarrassment, but now as you stared into his stupid drunk eyes, all you felt was rage.

“Maybe because unlike you, I don’t want to turn into an asshole like my dad! Maybe because if I drink I might cut myself like my mum used to! Maybe I don’t drink because I don’t want to turn into a pathetic alcoholic like you or my shitty fucking dad!” You shouted back at the man, your skin hot, chest heaving and tears began to fill your eyes.

All humour had left Tony’s eyes at your confession and he hung his head in shame, while attempting a weak apology. Not wanting to hear it or hear the pity of your friends, you stormed off. It had been a lovely night, but of course, Tony had to ruin it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Natasha growled at Tony as your friends watched you storm away.

As Maria and Yelena came over to calm Nat, Bucky made his way for the door you left from.

It didn’t take long for him to find you, following the aching sounds of your crying. The sound of your upset hurt him, but as he saw you sitting on the corridor floor, his heart absolutely shattered.

“Oh, doll,” Bucky gently sighed as he bent down to be face to face with you.

Raising your head from your hands revealed a makeup stained face and blood shot eyes, the sight destroying Bucky even further.

Not wanting any pity from anyone, you tried to stand to leave, but Bucky was faster. He sat down on the floor and dragged you into his lap, holding you so you couldn’t leave and be alone with this feeling.

“I’m here, it’s okay,” he whispered sweetly against your hair, kissing your forehead as he gently rocked you in his arms.

With one hand on your thigh and the other around your arm, he held and rocked you until your heavy cries became light sniffles. Raising your head, you looked into his sweet blue eyes.

“I’m sorry, James, I-I shouldn’t have made such a scene like that,” you quietly apologised with a shaky and rough voice. You looked down to your lap in shame as you pull away from his chest.

The fact you thought you had to apologise for this cut Bucky to his very core, realising what not just HYDRA but your parents must have done to make you feel like such a burden.

“You have nothing to apologise for, sweetheart,” he gently comforted as he tucked pieces of hair behind your ear and he wiped some of the makeup from your face.

“Tony is a dick, and shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I’m honestly glad you told him off, and crying is nothing to be ashamed of,” he continued to comfort.

Holding your cheek in his hand, he stared lovingly into your eyes as he slowly leaned down. Your lips met in a gentle and sweet kiss, one full of comfort, but not pity, full of love and honest feelings.

As the sweet kiss parted, you couldn’t help the light smile that graced your lips.

“There’s my girl,” Bucky whispered sweetly to you.

“Your girl?” You asked hopefully, your smile widen and light returning to your eyes.

“My girl,” Bucky confirmed, “my girl who never has to apologise for her feelings and who I will hold and listen to whenever she needs.”

“Your girl, my James,” you smiled up at him, your hands now resting on his chest.

Hearing you say that you were his and he was yours, filled Buckys heart with so much love, he thought he might explode. A large toothy smile graced his gorgeous face, as he pressed you against his strong chest in a sweet embrace.

[octuscle]

Life-changing cruise experience

Daniel had been warned time and time again: Leaving the ship without a cruise line-licensed guide is dangerous to your wallet and health. Daniel thought that was silly. After all, Salvador de Bahia was not a slum in a civil war-torn country. Yes, Brazil was not without danger. But nothing had happened in Maceio and Recife either. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, Daniel only packed a little cash, left his wristwatch on board and took an old cell phone with him, which was certainly unattractive to pickpockets. At the pier, he took a cab and was driven directly to the old town.

Salvador de Bahia was incredibly beautiful. Yes, it was full of tourists. But luckily Daniel arrived in the old town before the buses. And in his simple clothes, he didn't look much like a cruise tourist, who were always easy victims. He enjoyed strolling through the alleyways and lost himself deeper and deeper in the labyrinth. The colorful baroque buildings became fewer and fewer, you could hardly hear any English and only what Daniel thought was Portuguese. The attacks from street vendors became more frequent and Daniel began to feel increasingly uncomfortable. And when he saw a knife flash at one of the nasty-looking guys, Daniel intuitively jumped into the nearest doorway. He had ended up in a capoeira school. He looked anxiously at the street where the mugger was looking around. Fearfully, he looked into the school, where a couple of guys were standing, not looking very trusting either. Suddenly one of the capoeiristas started grinning at him, shouted something to him in Portuguese and handed him one of the typical combat pants. Of course, Daniel felt silly putting these on. But returning to the street seemed much less attractive to him. So he put the pants on and joined the other students.

The movements seemed infinitely complicated to him at first. He didn't understand what it was all about. Until he realized that the teacher had obviously switched to English. At least Daniel understood the instructions, but he was still incredibly clumsy. The training was exhausting. Daniel lost track of time. He got better and better. The movements became second nature to him. The drum beats were incredibly familiar to him. He knew the strengths and weaknesses of his opponents. How long had they been training together? For as long as Daniel could remember. Even as a child, he had watched with fascination how elegantly the boys danced and moved their well-trained bodies. He had always wanted to be able to do the same. And with a certain amount of modesty, Danilo could say that he had become one of the best at his school.

Hehehe, he had never been able to say that about his real school. Sitting still and learning had never been for him. Fortunately, in addition to his talent for capoeira, he had dazzling looks and a stunning charm. Even if he could only talk to the tourists in broken English, that was enough to collect plenty of tips at his shows at Santa Maria Fort.

Danilo's specialty, however, was his private shows, which he performed either in the back room of the bar where he danced or in the hotel rooms of the gringos. And it didn't matter whether he was fucking the white ass of an American tourist or getting a blowjob from a German pensioner. His services were in demand. And expensive. Danilo loved his life!

Pic found @xq28-xq28-xq28, inspiration by @curioustoseewhatsup

[sonic-fankid-showdown]

Poll 8, Round 1.

About Spirit: (by @itz-pandora) Spirit was made in a lab, being a combination of Sonic and Shadow’s DNA. Shadow and Rouge took Spirit (and his younger sister, Spitfire) from the lab they were created in, and Sonic and Shadow decided to co-parent the kids together. Spirit was made for the purpose of seeing ghosts, which only becomes apparent as he gets older. Because of his ability to see ghosts, he gets to know his aunt Maria! (She’s the soul shown in the picture). Spirit is a smart and sweet guy, and he’s physically weak compared to everyone else.

About Ruby: (by @peachvixen) Ruby is the first child of 2. She was originally going to be the one to protect the master emerald when Knuckles can no longer but, she decided to instead leave and go attend high school to build her social life. Her little sister, Wren, had then been the one to protect it. Ruby and Wren have never been on the greatest of terms, both hating each other when Ruby visits the island. Ruby has met a few people off island, two of which have grown to hate her and one fearing her. She has the same amount of strength Knuckles has and uses her strength to beat up people.

[elleloquently]

the wretched and joyful [ 2 ] : ellie williams

ellie williams x female reader | eventual angst + slowburn

───⋆☆ But we don't have to talk about it, I can walk you home and practice method acting - I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning ♪

───⋆☆ I'm trying to be cool about it, Feelin' like an absolute fool about it Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it - Tellin' myself I can always do without it, Knowin' that it probably isn't true ♪

| a/n - part two!! tags are at the bottom, let me know if u wanna be added! if you enjoyed reading, please considering reblogging/leaving a comment <3 thank you! | c/w - swearing, vague depictions of anxiety.. reader is in love with her best friend idk what to tell you!!

nearly everything that belonged to you used to belong to someone else. that's just the way things were.

you tried to find the thought comforting, but it really felt haunting.

when you moved into your house in jackson, it was like a still life museum. you couldn't help but try to imagine who lived there first, before the world went to shit. you tried to imagine what their daily life was like. how scared they must've been when...

it made you feel like you were living in a haunted house, and you were scared of ghosts.

maria was kind enough to set you up with some things that she thought you would like, but it still felt like you were living somewhere that you didn't belong.

the house felt like it was full of ghosts, so you rearranged and redecorated until it finally felt like your own.

years later, after a lot of trading and sorting through items ellie might find on patrol, you were actually pretty proud of the space that you presented for yourself. adeline once joked that you seemed to have a taste for "the frills," but you didn't mind.

you liked girly things, things that you could keep in secret and feel pretty without worrying about whether or not you seemed tough enough.

ellie had her comics, and you had your own things too.

your guilty pleasure was old magazines, filled with toxic drama, interior design tips, and how to's for all of your accessorizing needs. the pages were cheap and worn but good enough. the silly quizzes were the best part.

you liked pretending. pretending to live in that world instead of this one, wishing you could've been a girl picking out nail polish to match her outfits and deciding which color scheme suited her best. it flooded your senses with longing and never failed to give you a pit in your stomach.

it was like some kind of morbid obsession, wishing for better than what you had.

you didn't really talk about it, especially with ellie. you already knew how she felt about that sort of thing. besides, it made you feel weak. she just knew that you liked silly magazines, and would bring you them without a second thought if she had ever managed to find one.

jesse was actually the first to help you build your little collection. dina had found one on patrol, and brought it back so you could all laugh at the ridiculous headlines. when everything was winding down and you sheepishly asked if you could keep it, jesse seemed to take note.

besides ellie, jesse was one of your closest friends. he was a little more understanding to the sensitive side of you, which you appreciated. you hated feeling like you had to defend every little thought or feeling, to prove you weren't weak.

you'd been spending more time together as of late, especially since his patrol schedule was pretty much opposite of dina's.

you hated when they fought, always over something small and immature and it left you feeling like a child stuck in the middle. any group hangouts were typically reserved for when dina and jesse were on - so according to the news you had received from ellie, things were looking up.

when a knock at your door earned your attention, you jumped to answer it right away. you already knew who you were expecting.

"morning," you grinned as you held the door open. "are you coming in or am i coming out?" you wore shoes just in case, standing in the doorway.

"you're coming out," jesse replied, wearing a light jacket that he would most likely shed later. summer would be here soon, and the change in weather was certainly improving the mood of everyone in jackson.

you nodded once and tugged a sweater over your arms, closing the door behind you as you stepped outside. you loved mornings like this, warm and peaceful. it felt full of promise.

"where to?" you questioned, allowing jesse to take the lead. he grinned when he replied.

"the stables. hope you're not wearing your best clothes."

you scowled but only as a joke. you weren't wearing your "best" anything but even if you were, it wouldn't have mattered.

"you know i never mind," you chirped, bumping jesse's arm. "how come?"

"we're training more people for patrol so we might need more help in the stables for a bit. think you're willing to give an extra hand when you aren't wrangling the children?" jesse asked, raising an eyebrow as the corners of his lips turned upward.

there was somewhat of a school in jackson, and during the week you helped out with the younger kids. there weren't many, but enough so that they were glad to have your help.

"i would love to help," you said honestly, and jesse's smile turned sly.

"i know that," he replied. "that's why i already signed you up."

you snorted, rolling your eyes at his confident response. "whatever. i would've helped regardless, anytime."

"i know," jesse repeated. "thanks, kid."

this made you roll your eyes again, scoffing. there was barely even an age difference.

"you sound like joel." you wrinkled your nose, tilting your head. "all of you patrol people have such a complex," you grumbled, trying your very best not to smile.

"yeah, yeah." jesse slung an arm over your shoulders, causing you to gasp at the audacity. "you love us."

"us?" you questioned, falling into step with him.

jesse couldn't contain the shit-eating grin that plastered itself onto his face. "us. me, dina... ellie."

you laughed once, loud and embarrassed.

"you're so full of it," you replied, stepping out from under his arm.

"what? what did i say?"

"you're not funny. besides, i'm actually very upset with you," you confessed, staring down at your shoes while you walked.

your shift in tone was enough to concern jesse, and he almost seemed bewildered as he questioned you.

"what? why? what did i do?" he slowed his pace, waiting for you to respond.

you waited just a moment to linger it over his head before grabbing his arm, shaking it while you bounced on your feet like an excited child.

"for not telling me that you have a girlfriend!" you gushed, causing jesse to roll his eyes and quickly walk away from you.

"what's her name? what does she look like? is she gonna meet your family?" you continued on as jesse swatted at you. "you know i had to find out from ellie?"

"you're ridiculous," jesse grumbled.

"and you're keeping things from me?" you were really playing it up, finding satisfaction in the way he shook his head.

"you know, you're not funny," jesse mocked.

you laughed, catching back up with him. "really though, is everything all good?"

a small smile slipped in the place of jesse's scowl. "all good," he confirmed softly.

jesse seemed content so you let that be enough, finishing your walk to the stables in peaceful silence.

you didn't need much instruction since you were already quite familiar with the tasks. instead, it was mostly jesse explaining which horses would be in and out and when. you carried on with some light maintenance, chatting through each chore. jesse didn't really need to stay and help, but you appreciated the conversation.

"so," you started, placing a bucket of supplies on the ground. "what're we doing tonight?"

"huh?" jesse huffed, looking uncharacteristically caught off guard.

"the four of us," you clarified, brushing your palms on your pants. "i figured since things were cool again that we could finally hang out," you explained, though your use of finally might've been a bit overdramatic. jesse and dina were broken up for about a week, which meant a week of splitting your time between the two of them.

though lately you've been seeing less of dina, maybe because of her and ellie having plans or similar schedules.

"oh!" jesse exclaimed, the sudden loudness catching you off guard. "right. well, you know," jesse stammered.

you raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to put together a coherent sentence that wasn't just him shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.

"you know," he repeated, even though you obviously didn't. "dina and i just thought that maybe... it would just be the two of us tonight. to um," jesse coughed. "catch up?"

you nodded silently, eyes wide with embarrassment. "of course!" you choked out, desperately wanting to save jesse from any more you know's and awkward stammering.

"hey, maybe tomorrow night," jesse offered, awkwardly clapping you on the shoulder. "you'll still hang with ellie, right?"

you nodded again, kicking your shoe against the ground.

you hoped that ellie would want to see you again, even though you just slept over. the matter wouldn't usually even be a factor, but you felt different lately. a little weird, like you were bothering her too much or something.

"for sure," you muttered, tossing a rag into the bucket with a clang.

jesse was quick to catch your change in tone.

"did something happen?" he questioned, leaning against a stable door.

his question felt like an assumption and you found yourself growing insecure as if everyone had noticed that something was different too.

you wanted to confide in him, you should've confided in him, about how ellie could be so hot and cold and was it normal to get stomach aches whenever you were around her?

instead, you forced out a short laugh and shook your head.

"'course not. she'll probably just sleep after she gets back."

jesse studied you briefly before kicking his weight off of the door, brushing his hands together.

"right. well, dina will probably be back soon so i should..."

"go on," you grinned, waving him away.

"you wanna come with?" jesse offered, knowing ellie would be returning as well.

"i actually think i'll stick around here. for... a little bit," you responded shyly, but jesse already knew why. "go on," you encouraged. "go!"

you watched as jesse walked away, casual at first but his stride turned into a sprint when he turned the corner, assuming he was out of view.

you laughed to yourself, standing awkwardly in the now empty stable. ellie would show up soon enough, which was good. you wanted a chance to talk to her. you were starting to feel pretty weird about how often you slept in her bed while she left for patrol in the morning.

you waited around a bit, standing awkwardly in the middle of the stables until you started to feel stupid and instead made yourself look busy. you rearranged some cleaning supplies in the buckets, and even wiped stall doors that you had already cleaned, just to look busy.

of course, ellie didn't appear until you were seemingly making small talk with a horse in the stable.

"-like it better when the weather is warm, right?"

ellie snorted, the sound cutting through the otherwise silent atmosphere that was only filled by your own chattering and the occasional horse sigh.

"who are you talking to?" ellie questioned, her tone lazy and amused.

ellie already knew, of course, but the startled look on your face was priceless.

"how was patrol?" you asked awkwardly. ellie led shimmer into the stables as you spoke.

"uneventful," ellie answered simply.

"that's good, right?" you asked, coming up to pet shimmer as she was being placed into her stall.

"uh, yeah, i guess," ellie shrugged, her tone sounding distant.

you deflated, just a little. maybe she needed some space.

"i'm gonna... get going," you announced, a little quieter than you intended but you had found your footing by the end of the sentence. finally, ellie turned and looked at you.

"what? you've been hanging around but now all of a sudden i'm here, and you're leaving?" ellie questioned, her eyebrows pinching together.

"just don't wanna be in the way," you replied, not knowing if you should take a step closer or a step further away.

"please," ellie huffed. you weren't sure if it was kind or insulting.

please like you're always in the way and don't seem to mind, or please like you're never in the way?

you opened your mouth, almost to ask for clarification, but the thought alone made your cheeks burn.

"i'm serious," you said instead, but didn't make any effort actually leave.

“of course you are,” ellie said, rolling her eyes. you caught the hint of a smile on her face though, just before she turned her back to you.

silent minutes ticked by while ellie was busy, and it was only awkward because you truly couldn't decide if you should just leave or stay. after the hesitation it seemed quite obvious that you would stay, but the dilemma made your face grow hot anyway. when did you start overthinking your interactions with ellie so much??

you really didn't want things with ellie to start being complicated, everything else was already complicated enough.

who was at fault, anyway? or was it simply nothing other than growing restless as the days grew longer?

your thoughts did a better job of occupying you than you had expected, because ellie blinked at you, unmoving.

"are you coming or what?" she asked, with that same unreadable tone that she seemed to love using lately.

you blinked. then nodded.

is this how things were going to be now? is this how they always were, you were only just now noticing?

you almost physically shook your head at the thought.

"coming where?" you asked instead.

ellie shrugged, something like a smile twitching at her lips.

you couldn't tell if she was trying to force a smile, or hide a real one and what the fuck, when did you start having so much trouble reading her?

"we could see joel," you suggested, trying to sound more upbeat than you had felt. you were in such a good mood yesterday, where did it go?

ellie raised her eyebrows at you.

"it's been a long time since we all had dinner together, just the three of us," you said nonchalantly, not wanting it to sound like a hint.

"yeah, well," ellie muttered, her gaze dropping to the ground. "a bit early for dinner, don't you think?"

"that's not really the point, but okay," you dismissed.

"what is the point then?" ellie asked, her voice suddenly more loud and pointed compared to just a few seconds ago.

the immediate switch in her demeanor caused your eyebrows to pinch together. "i thought you were.. doing better?"

the look on ellie's face was all of the confirmation that you had needed. it was the kind of expression that made you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

"sorry. i just thought.. you know, the boots," you practically stammered, not wanting ellie to be annoyed with you.

"'just being nice," ellie replied tightly, to which you nodded solemnly in return.

"forget it then. sorry. i shouldn't have mentioned it," you spoke, wiping your palms on your pants.

the fight, or, whatever it was that happened between ellie and joel was possibly the biggest and only secret that ellie had ever kept from you, to your knowledge. she was so frustratingly vague about it, skating around answers and reasons as to why joel didn't seem like her joel anymore.

they were friendlier now, more so than right after it had happened, but still it felt strained. it had practically happened overnight, much to the confusion of nearly everyone around the two, and things were still not back to the way in which they used to be.

you missed the dinners.

truthfully, you still had dinner with joel occasionally. you weren't sure if ellie knew, but you had never mentioned it to her.

considering, ellie wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"forget it," ellie repeated quietly. for a moment, she looked kind of awkward, like she was trying to think of something else to say.

it actually sort of made you feel better.

the silence that followed lingered, but not too long, making it possible to recover from.

"let's just get out of here," ellie mumbled, so quietly that you nearly missed it. she began walking without even glancing back at you, surely assuming that you would just follow.

and you did.

you almost tripped over your own feet when you realized how seamlessly you would follow her without another word. it was dangerous, nearly.

"we could go to tipsy?" you suggested lightly, trying to catch up to ellie so it didn't seem as though you were trailing after her.

at your suggestion, ellie snorted.

"what, tough day or something? it's the afternoon," ellie denied, and you were simply grateful that the lighthearted teasing tone had returned to her voice.

"maybe another time. jesse and dina could come, we could make it a thing."

ellie raised an eyebrow, peering sideways at you as your lazy steps fell into sync.

"a thing," ellie repeated softly, shaking her head with a soft chuckle.

"is something wrong with that?" you questioned, squinting your eyes as the bright sun invaded your sightline.

"huh? no. just cute the way you always try to like... i don't know, make an event out of things," ellie explained.

your cheeks warmed, but the guise of the heat helped it to go unnoticed.

cute.

you didn't want ellie's words to linger, so you scrambled fast.

"hey, i still need to debut my new skirt, right?" you managed.

"that you do," ellie sighed. "or you could just- i don't know, hear me out.. just, put it on?"

you frowned at her teasing, even though it made your heart swell with affection. "that's boring, ellie. don't you know me at all?"

"best of all, actually," ellie retorted. you opened your mouth to fire back a reply, but nothing came.

ellie was right usually, always, when it came to you. she knew you better than anyone. in the world that you lived in, it was practically the best gift that you could give to someone that you cared for. vulnerability, loyalty. the ability to trust and be trusted. being known and feeling seen was like a reward.

sure, jackson was your home. but you weren't sure how much it truly would feel like home if ellie wasn't there.

it was funny, sometimes you had forgotten that you hadn't actually known ellie your whole life.

sometimes, you pathetically wondered what things might've been like if you had known ellie forever.

a few years ago, when ellie was prone to more laughter, she would tell fabricated stories about your friendship if you had met before. you would never forget the look on her face the first time that you had confided in her about the mistreatment from the QZ crowd.

"i would've fucked 'em up," ellie said solemnly, causing you to laugh in disbelief.

"what? ellie, i was... thirteen. you would've been too."

"yeah, and? i would've fucked them up. and then..-"

she would continue until you were in a fit of giggles, wheezing through laughter.

neither of you had much of a childhood, but ellie had some lucky moments. your time together though, it almost felt healing. despite everything.

"i know," you said finally, falling short of thinking up a witty response.

"you don't need to make any stops today, do you?" ellie questioned suddenly.

an evident look of confusion crossed your face as you answered. "hm? you mean addie? no, why?"

"just wondering," ellie grumbled, and your lips twisted into a teasing smile.

"why do you get so weird about her?" you questioned, closing your fingers around her wrist to keep her walking pace in tune with your own.

"i don't get weird," ellie disagreed, her tone bordering on childish. "i just feel like she's always judging me or something."

"judging you?" you laughed, the sudden loudness cutting through the hazy, quiet afternoon of jackson. "ellie, adeline does not judge you."

"she looks at me funny," ellie complained, wrinkling her nose.

"she does not!" you released your hold on ellie's wrist, limply wacking her arm instead. ellie only reacted by rolling her eyes.

"besides, if she looks at you funny, she probably has a reason for it," you contemplated with a click of your tongue.

"what? what did i do?" ellie questioned, her cheeks turning red.

you laughed again, loud, causing ellie to reach over and shove your side. you only momentarily stumbled, the clumsy reaction not halting your laughter.

"whatever. see you later," ellie grumbled, making no effort to walk ahead of you.

"okay, see you later," you chirped, settling your giggles but the aftermath still made your cheeks sting. ellie glanced at you quickly, and you could tell that she was wondering if you were actually going to leave.

your hand accidentally brushed against ellie's and you moved to put some distance between your bodies, ignoring the way that it sent jolts through your body.

"are you gonna stay again?" ellie asked, her tone sounding a little too forced to be nonchalant, but the attempt was there.

"at yours? sure. i feel like i haven't slept in my own bed in ages," you responded.

"you don't have to come," ellie said simply.

"no, it's not a bad thing," you clarified. really, it wasn't.

"i could come to yours?" ellie asked, a look crossing her face that you couldn't quite depict, almost like she had remembered something. maybe she didn't want to risk a run in with joel, as your dinner comment had unsettled her.

"only if you want," you shrugged.

"just let me grab some stuff first," ellie told you, to which you silently obliged with a nod of your head.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"you're... okay, you're doing it wrong." ellie's snappy tone caused you to huff.

"i'm doing exactly what you said."

"no, you're not listening."

"you're not explaining!"

ellie rolled her eyes, moving to sit closer to you on the floor.

"your fingers are supposed to stay down, right here," ellie delicately pressed your fingers into place as you hold her guitar. you have to swallow hard, willing yourself not to react to her touch.

"one finger per fret, like this," ellie explains, her voice softer as she regained her patience.

"you know i'm never gonna be good at this," you complained, letting your fingers go limp under ellie's pressure.

"then why do you keep saying that you want to learn?" ellie questioned, sitting back and dropping her hands to her lap.

"because i want to be good at it," you sighed. you stretched your arms, handing the guitar to ellie. "it wouldn't be the same anyway. i just like when you play for me."

ellie's cheeks go crimson. "shut up."

she strummed anyway, showing you how the song that you were 'attempting' to learn was supposed to sound.

you leaned your back against the side of your bed, the wooden floor beneath you providing little comfort. ellie explained chords as the dreamlike sounds filled your bedroom. you listened intently, more focused on the sound of ellie's voice than the actual information that it was providing.

you spend a lot of nights like this, being the only two people in the world, the moon being your only light until you fall asleep.

your curtains, dingy and laced, were drawn back purposefully for that very reason, you had admired the late sunset as the moon finally began to peek its way into the night sky.

the moon, the sound of ellie's voice, the feeling of your surroundings seeming slightly fuzzy from how tired you were.. you wished you could bottle up these moments and keep them forever.

in these moments, when you watched her, your feelings seemed clear as day. ellie's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the way her fingers seemed to strum effortlessly on the guitar, the little strands of hair that kept escaping her bun and falling into her face.

surely you loved her. there was simply no other way around it.

when it was dark, you could think it over and over.

i think i love her. i really think i might love her. it would make your pulse quicken and your insides explode, but the thought was fathomable. for some reason though, during the day, it couldn't even be a question. you would deny it. you wouldn't even allow the thought to slip into your mind as long as you could help it.

you really, truly weren't sure why it made such a big difference.

"i love it," you murmured, referring to the song that ellie was playing.

"i remember," ellie replied, feeling the need to whisper though she wasn't exactly sure why. "it's why i learned it, anyway."

ellie said it so simply, so casually, that you wouldn't have given it a second thought until you noticed the way that she refused to meet your gaze, even after she stopped playing.

"maybe i will be good at it one day," you hummed.

"maybe," ellie snorted. "if you ever get any patience."

"says you," you replied with a frown. "i'm super patient," you argued, but you had a hard time believing your own words. not that you were determined to change ellie's mind, anyway. your thoughts were elsewhere.

"maybe," ellie mumbled suddenly, catching you slightly off guard. you slip off into your own thoughts entirely too easily. "if you're always with those kids. i couldn't fucking stand it."

"i guess that's true. it just feels.. different? i don't know." your slight laugh turns into a yawn as you shake your head. "jesse told me you guys are trying to put more people on patrol?"

ellie nodded, rolling her eyes. "yeah. 'been a pain in the ass, that's for sure."

"that bad, huh?" you questioned, toying with the hem of your cardigan that you had thrown over your pajamas.

"i'm just.. i don't like the teaching stuff. i just want to get it done, you know?"

you nodded, and wondered if that's why ellie has seemed more exhausted than usual. "i get it. you can't blame maria for pairing people with you, though."

"i wish she wouldn't."

"yeah, but ellie, you're one of the best. you know that."

ellie shook her head, causing more strands of hair to frame her face. you could've laughed at her dedication to leaving the few strands still pulled back in a bun, instead of just taking it out entirely.

"maybe i should sign up," you said, partly joking. "finally give patrol a real try.

"no," ellie responded firmly, a little too quickly. you had only been kidding, you knew you would be no good, but regardless her reaction was a little much.

"why not?"

"because you can't.. you're not.. it's just, not your thing, alright?" ellie huffed.

you crossed your arms and wanted to be offended but ellie was right. you were no good for it. still, you rolled your eyes and refused to make eye contact until your name slipped from ellie's lips like an apology.

"just forget it, alright?" ellie pleaded, her voice regaining its softness.

you looked at her, the lighting was dim but your eyes were adjusted to the dark that had fallen over the room. she felt the most familiar like this, like your ellie.

ellie was softer in the moonlight. maybe she felt more like herself in it, too. the way she looked now - messy hair, pink cheeks, almost gave you a dreamlike feeling as if you could spill your guts to her and everything would be fine.

"alright," you murmured, allowing your eyes to lock with ellie's green ones. the darkness was safe, you wouldn't shy under her gaze. you were brave. "i was only kidding anyway. and i know that you only said no because you know that i would be the best at patrol and steal your crown."

"okay, you need to go to sleep," ellie replied simply. she stood from the floor, stretching and fidgeting with her hoodie.

"you hate when i have fun," you mumbled bitterly as ellie crossed to your window, closing the curtains. they didn't provide much coverage, but the room was suddenly consumed with less light than before.

"you hate when i'm right." ellie reached her hand down to you, and you allowed yourself to be pulled up from the floor. ellie pulled back the bedding as you discarded your cardigan onto the floor.

there was a couch in the living room. plenty of blankets and pillows for a comfortable enough spot on the floor. sharing the bed was never a discussion, you just did. you never really considered otherwise. it didn't really seem like ellie ever did either. if she did, she didn't show it.

you tried to swallow your feelings as you slid into bed next to ellie, wondering if it was normal to always share a bed like this. wondering if it was normal to always overthink it.

"if i threw my sweater on the ground like that, you would be pissed at me," ellie remarked. you could hear the smile in her tone.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes at her exaggeration, and you hoped that she could see it. "bullshit, i would not."

despite your tone, you wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe away the strands of hair covering ellie's face.

you honestly could have. you knew ellie wouldn't have minded, not in the privacy of your dim room. you would have, but it felt wrong if your feelings weren't purely platonic. you couldn't live in denial forever, at least not when it came to your feelings for ellie.

"liar," ellie mumbled, leaning on her arm. the proximity was daunting.

you couldn't do anything but shake your head. you certainly liked to keep a tidy space, not much like ellie, but you didn't mind her stuff around your room one bit.

"huh, that's what i thought," ellie said with a satisfied huff, as if your silence could be taken as agreement.

your brows furrowed instantly. surely she could read your expression.

"quit it," you sighed. "you're making things up. and being difficult," you added.

ellie shook her head, the remnants of her bun bobbing around the back of her neck.

"don't know what to tell you babe," she replied, the sarcasm in her voice prompting an eye roll from you.

"shut up and go to sleep," you complained, picking up your pillow and tossing it over her face.

"ow, what the hell?" ellie whined. she was genuinely making a fuss and you laughed plainly at her. maybe she really hadn't changed that much over the years. at least not when it was just the two of you.

"don't say ow. pillows don't hurt," you said simply. your lack of concern made ellie's jaw drop as she leaned forward and twisted to the side, looking over you as you rested your back against the soft mattress.

ellie was practically looming over you. you stifled a nervous giggle but didn't bother tearing your eyes away from ellie's.

she stared at you for a moment, any hint of a joke on her face quickly leaving. ellie looked like she was going to say something at first, but maybe she had forgotten or changed her mind because she only remained silent as if she were studying you.

the steadiness of her gaze began to make you uncomfortable as nerves swirled around your stomach. ellie's eyes flickered over your face, and you would've done anything to read her mind. was she actually annoyed or was it something else? ellie's lips parted slightly and your breath hitched, guilty once again for the thoughts clouding your mind.

you sat up to break the tension, say a stupid joke maybe, but you moved too quickly and your face was too close to ellie's now. before you had a moment to feel embarrassed, ellie pressed a palm to your chest and promptly shoved you back down. you fell back against the bed with a huff.

the moment of whatever it was was quickly erased as ellie tore her gaze away from you and settled back into her spot.

you didn't speak again and neither did ellie. she simply handed you your pillow and turned on her side, putting her back to you. you remained still for too long, trying desperately to settle your breathing.

you held a heavy hand over your chest, pressing down firmly as you attempted to set your mind straight.

thoughts of just friends, don't fuck up- plagued your mind for only what you could've assumed to be hours on end.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you left ellie alone in your bed that morning.

you tried not to wonder how it would make her feel as you pulled on your cardigan from the floor and tip toed out of the room.

she must've been exhausted.

the mornings were still cold before the sunshine had a chance to warm up the earth around you, so you walked quickly through the quiet streets of jackson.

there were some people, of course, out and about, but not quite as often as usual considering it was the weekend.

you were lucky.

you were lucky to know ellie and lucky to have ellie. that could be enough. you never wanted to lose her, so you could never do anything that would cause you to lose her. you were lucky, and you would be happy to swallow your feelings and keep a secret as long as it resulted in your friendship always remaining.

your hands balled into fists at your sides, mentally pushing away any stray, worrying thoughts.

"where are you goin' all dressed up this morning?"

you halted at the familiar voice, your cheeks sheepishly growing warm at the teasing. regardless, your smile was genuine.

"to dina's, i think," you replied, turning to meet tommy. you looked down at your pajama pants and top, realizing the cardigan didn't disguise it as much as you had hoped.

tommy had been the first person to ever give you a break. even though you were already a teenager when they brought you into jackson, tommy and joel practically raised you up more than anybody else ever had. with adeline hollis included, they were the closest thing to family you ever had.

"everything alright?" he questioned, frown lines deepening.

"of course, why?" you responded, squinting curiously at the older man.

"oh, nothin'. just, ellie isn't with you is all."

you swallowed hard, swatting at the air to distract from the fact that your smile had tightened. "she's sleeping!" then, for good measure, you changed the subject. "are you getting back from patrol?"

"yes ma'am," tommy replied in a way that drew a laugh out of you.

"you better go get some sleep too then," you warned, and he waved you away.

"go on, get outta here," tommy gruffed, sending you on your way.

your steps were more hurried now and you bounced nervously on your feet when you reached dina's front door.

you figured it was your best bet.

you knocked three times, and you only had to wait a few moments before the door creaked open an inch.

"hey honey, what's the matter?" dina inquired, eyebrows rising in concern as she looked at you.

you noticeably deflated. "what? why does everybody keep asking me that?" you laughed, and it sounded a little too forced. "i'm fine!"

dina scanned your features but visibly relaxed at your words, opening the door wider. "what's up then?"

"i was wondering if- hi jesse," you cut yourself off as his figure appeared in the doorway.

"is everything okay?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on dina's shoulder.

you groaned, causing a look of bewilderment to cross jesse's face.

"she's fine," dina murmured, offering you a small smile.

"i just wanted to ask if you guys wanted to go to the tipsy bison. with me. and ellie, probably." you offered, clasping your hands together in front of you.

"it's pretty early, i don't think seth would even- ow!"

dina cut jesse off with a jab. "when?" she asked, which pleased you very much.

"meet at sunset?" you suggested hopefully, eyes darting between the couple.

you were thrilled when they agreed. of course, they had said, and you left them to enjoy their morning.

on your walk back to your house, you forced yourself to breathe steady. ellie would probably be awake, and that was fine. you were friends, and that was fine. lucky. the best gift you could ask for.

you plastered a smile on your face, swallowing down every negative feeling and emotion.

you were in a good mood. you had to be.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@dinoastronaut @skylerwhitwyo @muthafuckingstargirl @minustwofingers @mirrorballels @macaroni676

[chaotic-iguana]

Refuge | chapter four. 

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter | general masterlist 

chapter four: changes. 

wordcount: 2.1k summary: the aftermath of everything that has been warnings: estrangement, recovery from trauma, mentions of child death. some fluff a/n: reshuffling over! lmk ur thoughts <3

You stayed true to your word. 

You started your own book club; letting the gossiping, brutal women of Jackson into your safe haven and their shrill giggles fill your bookshop. You even smiled along, a quick flash of your teeth assuring them all that you considered yourself one of them even when theydidn’t think so. You knew it’d get back to Maria if you didn’t cooperate. 

It wasn’t too bad, though. The book club whispered about Joel, sure - but only until you walked into the room. It was all nervous grins and terrible changes of topic after that, with their breaths held and eyes darting. They were scared of you; you’d gained a reputation after the…incident. 

Speaking of Maria, she hadn’t so much as approached you. No, she lurked in the shadows, with tight-lipped smiles and apologetic winces. Fred was eating solids now, and Maria practically had her tongue in his ass every time you saw them. You saw the judgement in their eyes. Straigtening, you turned away. 

Tommy had come by and sat down for a cup of tea, spending hours straightening everything out. You’d forgiven him, despite not understanding why he hid Joel from you.Maybe he was a coward. Maybe he was just an idiot. You didn’t care. Either ways, he was truly sorry. That was enough. 

You looked different now. Like a lion with blunt, rounded claws, and teeth that had been pulled out by a merciless owner for his amusement. Your hair and your nails and your appetite were better, easier to look at. Gone was the animalistic fervor that had once been written on your face. Your cheeks were fuller now, flushed in the cold; eyes softer too. 

You looked like her again. Sarah’s mother, Joel’s wife. You. The mirrors in your house found themselves draped with old bedsheets. Their reflection was a jarring, cruel sight you’d long stopped looking at. 

You couldn’t shake the thought that Sarah would have hated what you became - weak, timid, broken. You could picture it - the frown; Joel’s frown - and the way she’d curl her bottom lip out. Aching for her was inevitable. 

If there was a God, you would have begged Him to let you die in her place. But there wasn’t, so you decided to live for her, instead. 

Each rise of the sun signified battle, more ground to cover and another step to take. To get out of bed, to change, to shower. To open the shop, to wave at people, to smile. 

 And in the dark hours when the sun’s warmth abandoned you, familiar shadows crept into your room to wrap themselves around you once again. They crawled into your mind and festered within you; a sickness with no cure. Under the safety of your blanket, the tears would come - and with them, the panic. All you had to ground you were two words that served as both your blessing, and your curse. A brand marring the flesh of your psyche; seared into your soul. 

I lived. 

Sisyphus was punished for cheating death, too, wasn’t he? 

You established a strict routine. Wake, shower, change. Go on a walk, pick flowers, go to the store, open the shop. Repeat. 

A lifeline, really, to stop you from scratching at the plaster on your walls. You’d forgotten how exhausting it was to pretend being okay when you weren’t. You’d forgotten how exhausting it was to fall apart alone, too. It left a bitter taste on your tongue. 

The good days were good, but the bad ones were terrible. Hands would grasp at your mouth, your neck, your chest, limbs growing heavy; and you’d be underwater again. 

You stayed in bed longer on those days. The routine would fall apart, and so would you. 

Against all odds - and intent - you made a new friend. It started with a grin from across the street, making you look over your shoulder in confusion. Surely that was meant for someone else? Brows furrowing at the empty street behind you, you’d reciprocated- but the grimace on your face was unyielding, lips stretching in an awkward baring of your teeth. You walked home faster that day, that replying laugh ringing in your ears. A warm, infectious grin turned into a smirk, paired with a “Hi!” you couldn’t resist replying to. Until you walked into her at the store, not having the heart to turn down her offer to walk home with you, realising you couldn't resist replying to everything else, either. The circumstances of your initial meeting were forgotten, and a bond was forged; purely because of the way her eyes twinkled with excitement, forgoing pleasantries for an exclamation that made you laugh. 

“I can’t believe you’re such a badass, I mean-not that you can’t be, just that I wasn’t expecting it, y’ know?” 

You’d quickly found that once she started talking, it took the threat of a clicker for Ellie to stop. And since you were in Jackson, and the threat non-existent, she prattled in your ear for nearly half an hour before you excused yourself. Initially, you’d been overwhelmed with her monologues - and a little concerned with the low number of breaths she took in between the rush of words that came tumbling out of her mouth. Nevertheless, there was something about the adorable way that she said exactly what was on her mind that warmed you up towards her, her constant chattering carving a way into your heart. 

I didn’t know Joel had a wife. God, when I met you I thought you were a little scary, maybe even a little weird, y’ know? I mean, you did kinda try to stab me with a pen? But that’s ok - Joel told me you didn’t know about Sarah. I’m really sorry about her, by the way. I know you said you didn’t want people to be sorry but like, I am. Plus, you’re nice to me now, so it doesn’t matter. You run a bookshop, right? Wait-do you have comics? Or joke books? 

Her answering squeal at the dip of your chin had made you smile - the first, genuine time your lips had stretched and lifted of their own volition - and so began yet another ritual. Ellie came by almost everyday, ignoring you when you said she could take home whatever she liked, arguing with a I have an excuse to visit you now! It all works out, see. She’d sit, and you’d make her some tea-she hated coffee, and her description of no wonder Joel’s so bitter all the time nearly made you giggle- and you’d both talk, or read, or just sketch together. 

It quickly became your favorite part of each day. 

Sometimes, she’d bring her friends too. They’d giggle about stupid jokes and shoot each other longing glances while thumbing through the pages of books they hadn’t even read the cover of, clearly neglecting their reading in favor of much better, important things like how stupid is Eugene’s new haircut? The fact that they got to have these moments at all - in your bookshop of all places (adolescence breeds fragility in spaces considered “safe” enough) - soothed a raw, gaping wound you hadn’t noticed before. The sounds of their laughter scared the nightmares for a few hours. 

Though, you suppose calling them nightmares wouldn’t be quite so apt anymore. Memories, more like. The image of Joel’s knees on your vinyl tiles, was one you saw every time you closed your eyes. Shoulders slack, hands trembling and bloodshot eyes. Lips wobbling and voice cracking; the deafening silences of his confirmation. Repentance. 

You wanted to turn back time; to pull his hands into yours, to kiss away his tears and let him bury his head into your shoulder, like he used to. To hold him and tell him over and over not to join his palms; not to kneel. 

One repents only for the sins they have committed. 

Sarah’s death was not his fault. 

Tommy told you how it happened. And you hadn’t slept for a week when you found out she died in his arms. The distance between you and him was suffocating. The gaping maw of a chasm threatening to swallow you whole.

It hurt more to know he was within your reach, yet just out of grasp. 

He had shut himself away this time. The fight with Ellie had supposedly gotten worse - though you hadn’t yet intervened; you didn’t know if you still had the place to. Joel didn’t leave the house except for necessities and to go on his patrols. You only knew because you'd been at the store one day when you saw him. Eyes sunken, cheeks hollower, beard overgrown and scraggly. Fingers inching towards him, you’d barely opened your mouth when his eyes had locked on yours, and he’d promptly turned away to walk out. 

You didn’t open the bookshop that day. Or leave your bed again, for that matter. 

Ellie had stood outside in the cold for hours. 

You didn’t blame him for his isolation. The lack of contact between you both had become another scandal in Jackson, providing many ladies with the wondrous opportunity to appoint themselves to make him casseroles and cookies and cakes and whatever the fuck else they were making him, shameless enough to leave it at his door when he stopped opening it for them. Again, you said nothing. Again, you didn’t know if you still held the place.  

The attention he got was unsettling, but expected. It had been the same before the outbreak, too. Jealousy, however, was a feeling that didn’t come to you often. Joel hadn’t ever given you anything to be jealous about. 

Which was why you weren’t sure what to make of that woman - Tess. You weren’t upset with Joel. You just didn’t know how to feel. He thought you were dead, too. The world ended, Sarah died. Tommy left. He had no one. If her presence eased the burden on his back, the smudges of blue on his lips, or the wild, haunted look in his eyes, you felt comforted by the fact that she was with him. She had died for him and Ellie. That alone, made you pick a flower in her remembrance every single morning, putting it in your window as a reminder for yourself. She saved him; she was the reason he was here at all. 

Which was why you hated that the idea of her still stung a little. You felt stupid, wanted to claw your hair and pinch the back of your hand. You didn’t even know if Joel still considered himself your husband, and yet the thought of him with someone else still made your clothes feel too tight. 

You always picked the brightest flower. 

It was on one of your worst days, when your mind had been spitting vile, spiteful quips at you that you cracked. That the silence between you and him transformed into a brutal, merciless thing; gripping your throat and making you choke on your tears as you lay in bed. 

You hated him. 

For the limbo he’d thrown you into. He’d defend you to Maria but he wouldn’t talk to you. He’d fight with Ellie, threaten Fred, but he’d walk out of a store if he saw you. 

He hates me. He hates me and blames me and Tess would have been so much better. Tess should have survived. He hates me for living. Sarah should be here. Tess should be here. But they aren’t, and he’s left with me, and he hates me. 

All you knew was you needed him. You flung your blanket off and bolted down your stairs, without thinking. A steady chant of his name overtook your mind, wiping away everything else. You flung your door open, defenseless against the frigid bite in the air as you stood in nothing but a shirt that hung loose on your frame and shorts that didn’t even reach your knees. And you ran, barefoot, until you were shivering, staring at his porch. Wracking your mind, you tried to come up with an excuse or an idea or something to explain your presence at three fucking am, sinking your teeth into your lip in irritation at the absolute blank you faced. 

Until you heard a sniffle, from the other side of the door. 

You didn’t realise you’d reached his door until your fist was rapping against it, softly. You didn’t know what to say until the words it’s me had already left your mouth. 

The sound of a muffled thud reached you, and a shuffle. A pause at the door - as if in deliberation. You held your breath. 

And waited. 

hello loves, as always - thank you for reading. comment your thoughts or find me on ao3. stay hydrated and have a great day! taglist (message to be taken off, no issues): @imherefordeanandbones, @theywhowriteandknowthings, @josephquinnswhore, @millerscoffee, @nostalxgic, @sscorpiiio, @pedrosaidsheispunk, @its-nebuleuse, @sofiparallel, @mandoisapunk, @bastardmandennis, @pawnshopb1ues, @amanitacowboy, @party-hearses, @planet-marz1, @chiogarza, @jenispunk, @spookyxsam, @obscurexsorrows, @lunxramour, @anavatazes, @joeldjarin, @stunkbiggu, @joels-darlin, @casa-boiardi, @noisynightmarepoetry, @jasminedragoon, @daddy-din, @moonlightdivine, @stickthegremlin, @jamesmasbone, @avampiregf, @wannab-urs, @for-a-longlongtime, @javierpena-inatacvest

[trancylovecraft]

I've been thinking about the blood of an unwilling covenant constantly since I first read it and just wanted to tell you, also saw you mention that you probably weren't going to explain the situation with F/Ns parents in fic and wanted you to know I am VERY curious as to what their deal is

EGEGHJIRUGHRHGUI IM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU ENJOYED THE FIC SM!!! I'll be happy to answer, Mostly because if I do a one-shot or smth on it, it may be a while-

AND I KINDA REALLY WANNA RAMBLE.

OK SO. Before I explain I suggest you read the translation of The Official Blue Exorcist Side Story: Bloody Fairytale. You can find a translation here done by @29rynoah which I have read sEVERAL times over. I highly recommend it as it's one of my favourite stories from AOEX.

However if you wanna skip that, Tis cool.

[F/N]'s mother is Maria LaMorte from Bloody Fairytale, Who had given birth to [F/N] during her imprisonment within The Vatican.

[F/N] herself is probably the oldest of the exwires, Her birthday being sometime within early January.

Now here's the million dollar question, Who is the father?

Shiro Fujimoto.

During the events of Bloody Fairy-tale- Maria is in the middle of completing her rather grandeur goal of trying to turn the town into naberius' and other adjacent creatures. Of course, This doesn't go to plan though, When Shiro and Johan show up unexpectedly within the invasion.

Maria of course, As the story goes, Plays the victim and pretends that she had no idea what's going on.

Shiro, Johan, Maria and the rest of the townspeople barricade in the church as normal. The story continues on however there's a switch in the story.

Shiro approaches Maria who is leaning over on the balcony. Of course, Shiro keeps up his demeanour, Already aware of Maria and her intentions. They get to talking and Maria herself is attracted to Shiro despite not recognising her own feelings.

Though, Maria herself DOES recognise seduction as a way of manipulating others.

So of course one thing leads to another and suddenly you have the both of them climbing out of the same makeshift bed. Maria came out of this with much more complicated feelings than she had thought she'd have.

But on the other hand?

Shiro himself is at the point in his life where he's much more dark and gritty than the one we see raising the twins. This is an average thing for him, He's a player, He sleeps with women left and right. He knew very well that this was an attempt to manipulate his feelings.

But to be honest? He doesn't care.

The story plays out like normal afterwards. Shiro exposes Maria's plan and she gets sent off to the Vatican for Life imprisonment. Shiro and Mephisto get in the car and they drive off as normal.

However this time, Maria comes out of it pregnant with [F/N].

She was born almost one year before The Blue Night within a holding cell in The Vatican. Her birth was completely unexpected from both the guards as well as Maria, Who was one of the rare cases of not showing at all during a pregnancy.

[F/N] was born fragile and weak, Both doctors and guards believing she would die soon after birth. And on records? That's how it went.

According to The Vatican, The baby died a few hours after being delivered. Shiro was told of the baby's existence while he was caring for the twins.

Of course, At this time he's a different person from who he was a year ago (Post-Blue Night) and now feels shocked and a bit of regret for not knowing of [F/N]'s existence.

However, There wasn't much he could do now.

The baby had died, He couldn't change that.

However despite what the records have said. Some of the staff that were employed to help deliver the child had sworn that they saw a tall man carrying away a baby in his arms. His identity unknown, Hidden by the darkness of the night.

[F/N] was left on the doorstep of the youth centre in Japan without a single note or any clue as to where she came from. The youth centre, After having no parents claim the child, Took her in and raised her within the adoption system.

It's still unclear where her penchant comes from, Though the leading theory is the mixture of demonic influence from both sides of her parents (Maria's being her association with undead demons, Specifically Kin of Astaroth. Shiro's being the fact that he's a clone as well as a bit of satanic influence lingering on him. So much so that in some aspects, You can consider [F/N] somewhat related to Satan in a sort of 3rd parent situation.)

Perhaps you can even consider her not entirely human. Though, That part is up for interpretation.

But as it stands? Her two birth parents are Maria LaMorte and Shiro Fujimoto.

-TML

[leuchtstabrebell]

just saw the Jesus Christ Superstar production in Nuremberg with a friend and thought i'd share some of my observations because this was WILD

details under the cut because i have a lot to say but this might be one of the queerest and boldest productions of JSC i have ever seen. the pope is herodes, nuns are participating in orgies, Mary is a mother, the catholic church is critizised every step of the way, hirarchies and power structures are questioned, and Judas wears a skirt. There are neon crosses and halos and a lot of blood, and so much thought and love put into this. The production value is very good as well. The cast is very young, especially the apostels and Judas and Jesus who are all in their early to mid-twenties, and the vibes are simply amazing.

This production is set in modern day rome and the vatican. jesus and the apostels are queer leftists activists trying to reform/act against the catholic church. like, this is the central element of this production.

(text on these signs reads, from l. to r.: No mandatory celibacy, God is a woman, Maria 2.0, #outinchurch, renewal now, the head of the fish is rotten. The banner reads "God is the love")

Many of these signs are references to reform movements inside the church and discussions around abuse of all kind in the catholic church, as well as demands for a more inclusive christianity (and society).

Jesus officates a wedding between two women apostels and everything is very gay. there are several rainbow flags involved. jesus is draped in a giant version of the flag at one point.

that being said, it is made pretty explicit that mary and jesus have some kind of relationship thing goin on??? They also sometimes seem removed from the rest of the group who have major found family vibes. they go on picnis and protests together, they care for each other, they dance, they sing, they cuddle. there was so much going on, I probably missed a lot of interactions between the apostels. Judas was very involved in the group, more than mary or jesus even, and judas and simon had a very cute friendship (they even play-fought in the beginning). They all hugged and kissed each other a lot as well. (Fun fact: many of the apostels are still in actors school and they did a cooperation with the staatstheater nuremberg which offered them the chance to participate in such a big production)

Now my thoughts on the individual characters:

Mary: sadly, my least favourite character in this production. i didn't really vibe with the actress, although she was great vocally. She rarely interacted with the apostels and kept mostly to herself and the apartment she shared with jesus and her child (I don't like the decision to have them live together almost like a nuclear family). it also did not help that she was noticeable older than the rest of the group and her costume wasn't great either. i loved her kid though, she was really cute (apparently, the gender of the kid changes depending on the child actor that day, here it was a girl). The child also connects the group, there were some cute found family vibes (although they could have done so much more with this ahhh). there are also several moments where the child symbolizes a brighter future to come, and hope, and innocence. she was such a cutie!!!!

This Jesus is a weirdo. Just a weird guy. Kinda Enjolras vibes, kinda angelic, kinda high as a kite beliefs in magic, depressed queer vibes. He would sometimes do weird motions with his hands to summon his powers to heal people????? his outfit was a statement as well.

I liked the acting, although the interpretation is one i had not seen before. The singing was pretty good, although the actors voice was a bit weak sometimes and he often had difficulty with belting higher notes. the actor has a very very soft voice in general??? it kinda contributed to the vibes of this jesus though and worked fine

I didn't like that they actually showed him being able to heal people, I like it more when it stays ambigious if he can actually do wonders/if he is actually the son of god. Interestingly, at the same time this Jesus felt very deserted by God to me? Gethsemane was very intense but also so absolutely defeated. it did not feel like a conversation with god but more pure desperation screamed into a void... This Jesus was really broken :( Also, the torture and whipping (which happens in the vatican???? kinda illegally???) was absolutely brutal and very bloody and he was sobbing in fetal position at several points of this production. also shaking like a little deer. in the last scenes, they filmed close-ups of his tortured face with a camera live and projected it on the large background screen which was very horrifiying and genius, especially during superstar. poor guy. he seemed very sad and burdened a lot of the time

Judas: There he is!!! My boi!!!! He was my absolute fave. The acting and singing was amazing, one of my fav interpretations of this character. The costume choices for him were amazing ( I mean look at him in that skirt and these boots) and this production chose to portray him in a very sympathetic light. He is the soul of the group in this production, while Jesus is the brain and Simon is the heart. (Peter is the bedrock, and Mary and her kid are honey-grease holding them together)

I mean, look at him!!! This judas cares so much, he contains multitudes. He is clearly loved by the people around and loves them back fiercely. He hugged people a lot and was very physical in general and the actor had so much charisma!!! In this version, Jesus and Judas also kind of seemed like two sides of the same coin, which I really liked. While Jesus is kind of otherworldy, charismatic, calm, and enigmatic, Judas is much more hands-on, real, passionate and energetic.

This Judas (like the whole production really) was very angry but he had every right to. In this production it also seemed like his anger at Mary and Jesus being with her was less about Mary (taking out some of the misogyny, luckily) and more about jesus retreating to something that could be perceived as a bourgouise lifestyle (my interpretation, at least). This judas seemed very queer but then again, most apostels in this production seemed to be queer. (The betrayal kiss was very passionate, btw)

Oh, and the cardinals waterboarded Judas with holy water in a church on wooden benches they put together??? And they also threatened and hurt him several other times??? I'm not sure what to feel about this because this makes the betrayal very very cooerced and that might flatten the character but it adds so many new layers as well. They also just push suitcase full of money on his arms and leave him there clutching the thing and sobbing??

Judas death ripped my heart out, it was so raw and cruel and also put emphasis on the cruelty of the catholic church and an uncaring or even cruel god?

and then he absolutely slayed in superstar. all the background dancers were the apostels (which was a deliberate choice because they had a huge cast they could have used for this), including Mary and they all had neon halos?? Judas descended from the ceiling. the staging was kinda similar to the 2012 revival with Judas as a show-caster and entertainer. there was golden glitter falling from the ceiling.

the whole production seemed very angry at institutionalized christianity and God himself but also full of hope and love, and superstar really examplified that.

Herode is the pope. Just straight up the pope. At first I was a bit underwhelmed because the set was very minimal bit then they revealed the pope and started their amazing choreography and I really loved that! just a good solid portrayal, very sexual as well. (this production was very much about hypocricy and not about condemming lust, the opposite really. this production is pretty sex-positive) 8/10

Caiaphas and Annas were pretty solid, like all the other high priests they were cardinals. I thought the actors did a good job although would have liked a deeper base for Caiaphas and a higher tenor for Annas. I thought it was interesting how often the priests/cardinals crossed themselves and blessed people and did christian gestures, especially during "This Jesus must die". They were also pretty violent both towards the apostels and towards jesus and judas.

Peter was really giving dark academia vibes except a bit more boring. I thought it was pretty funny that it was easy to tell that he was Peter just from the costume alone. he had a nice, warm voice and I liked the acting choices - he was very soft and calm, except for when he went absolutely wild on the SWAT team coming to arrest Jesus and broke a bottle to use a shard to cut of the ear (i suppose) of one of them. iconic. 8/10

Simon: what an icon! at one point, he carries petrol and a lighter around to fucking burn the whole thing to the ground. he is passionate and kind and ready to punch someone at any time. his acting and singing were really really good. At the last supper, Simon sucker punches Judas in the face and calls him a "fucking traitor" before shakily ending the song on his guitar to try and comfort the other apostels because their whole world just fell apart. I really love this Simon

Pilate: He had such a great voice and presence, and carried himself with a lot of gravitas. Pilates dream was very stripped down but it worked because of the actor. He seemed really desillusioned and kind but ultimately deafeated, conforming to the will of people around him (lower clergy and devout catholics in this version) (That reminds me, the ouverture was accompanied by various clergy making out in the vatican with each other while headlines about scandals in the church were projected in the background.

There are probably a lot of things I forgot to mention, and there were also some things I did not like about this production but overall, I am really really impressed and just happy that I got to see it live.

You can still see the production too btw, at least if you can make it to Nuremberg :)

[greenyvertekins]

Okay you comparing Maria’s situation to yours and explaining the retcon that way was genuinely really sweet. Thank you so much for that. I was upset about the retcon at first, but that might have just been past 9PM brain me not understanding it until I put some more thought into it the following morning.

So allow me to give you some fluff idea. Maria being eager to show Shadow her sister and telling him all about her. Makes me wonder where that Robotnik is now…

Genetic diseases can be insidious. When I was in-utero, all the scans my mom had showed I was a healthy baby. But then again, this was over 37 years ago and medicine has advanced since then. I was a sickly child, had weak lungs and was and still am asthmatic to the point I was on steroids to help with my breathing. But there was absolutely nothing that indicated EDS until I was 7. I had hypermobility when I was young, could contort joints (Still have it.) but that wasn’t seen as odd.

NIDS is a fictional disease but it being depicted as a genetic disease that appears after some years after birth is accurate to many RL genetic diseases. And given the intel that Maria’s sister was tested and was negative for NIDS indicates that one or both of her parents carries the gene fault.

Might have been her non-Robotnik by birth mother. If it came from her Robotnik father then maybe Dr Eggman is a carrier.

Anyway, gotta feel for Maria and Gerald here;

Hit pretty close to home for me 😕

[analy-sing-stuff]

Hi overthinkers :D

After a really messy gap of three years, I finally red "Boy meets Maria" and I'll never be able to express how much this short story made my heart ache and melt. I can't believe I took so long because it's pure genius how it's written, and it's so SO sad we won't get anymore of it.

Anyways, let me yap a bit about it because I got SO MUCH to say, especially towards Arima's gender. I'll try to be as respectful as I can and use they/them referring to them regardless of the conclusion I take.

⚘️ spoilers ahead ⚘️

Both of the main characters are SO WELL WRITTEN in a way I've rarely seen in media these days!

"Boy meets maria" is a comic novel that makes us question so many things we have barely thought about in modern society, being them specially gender roles and norms, or how abuse comes in all sizes, shapes and colors.

Let's start with Taiga!

In a way, Taiga is the "least complex" character in this mangá. His concept is simple; he lost his mom when he was very young, his dad was irresponsible taking care of a child and drowning on his drinking addiction, and after growing up with all that, Taiga decides he wants to be a hero.

The meaning of a hero to Taiga is, simply explained, to be this great GREAT person. He wants to be a famous actor, succeed in life, and have this beautiful girlfriend to "save".

To be short, Taiga decides he doesn't want to be like his dad. His bright personality is basically his way of getting better, of being happy, and most important of all, of helping people.

I guess we can say Taiga is a very deeply conflicted character. looking for his way to the top on theater, I'd say this is him leaving his past behind and looking ou to show the world he is worth something, looking for something that may bring back to him the feeling of control contrasting how much he couldn't help but just watch his mother slowly die, and how weak he felt not knowing she was already being hurt by his father all along.

Let's say that the reason he's looking for a perfect girl for him to act like this perfect hero also has to do with the passing of his mom and the absence of his father, because to him, this is one unconscious second chance of treating a girl right and having a happy ending.

Then things don't go exactly as planned, and he meets Arima 😍

You see, Arima is a BIG part of Taiga's reality check because boy is completely HEAD OVER HEALS. Mind you, i saw some people saying they kind of cringed because of the way he acted and that he was unrealistic or a "manic pixie boy," and I totally disagree, I disagree even harder because I do know boys like him in real life and I can assure sometimes this big extroverted person is nothing more than a nod to the neglected child they were on the past.

So, yeah, when he chases Arima through the hall, this is basically him saying "don't say no to me, because I need this 😃 um excuse me, 😀 I need to be happy 🙂 dont say no" , and it's so persistent Arima ACTUALLY has to show him their genitals...so...uh...kinda crazy, huh?

But surprisingly, this is not a big deal to them if not for the inconvenience, and I'll say more, They lost all their notion of decency way before their childhood Trauma

Let's talk about Maria...No! Sorry, I mean...

Let's talk about Arima

Arima is a complex character that I appreciate so much due to never seeing a representation like them in media before.

I'd like to say that I'll not get into the sexual abuse too much because this may get too long, and it's sort of a sensitive topic for me, but I might mention it later if I feel like it.

Arima, since very little, was forced to be perceived as a girl by his mom, a type of abuse called forced feminization, where, well, you force a vulnerable individual to use exaggerated accessories that would match better a woman according to the known gender norm.

It was clear, However, that Arima never had a normal childhood being perceived as a girl, since none of what they had was granted because they wished, it was what their mom wished to fullfill HER wishes, and so on Arima felt like a boy but had to keep the image of being a girl solid and intact, after all, it was all they knew.

This is really big on their relationship with Taiga, since they basically reverse roles when they mature

This pannel, for example, is screaming gender roles, with Arima being stuck to pink and girl toys while Taiga is surrounded by all types of boy toys. This pannel has, also, big foreshadowing for their image of a hero when they were little. While Taiga thinks he can be this awesome image of a savior he wished to become, Arima holds on to a hero, shyly showing that not only they need to be who they truly are, since this is also the only toy on the picture that they hold on and that they're trully interested, but they also look for a saviour, someone who could take them out of the feeling of not belonging, someone who could understand what they need. The only thing also separating both of them is a flower, which is much symbolical to their different perspective growing up and the curious impact of Taiga's dad in their lives.

The cover for this mangá is the paralel we get from the back, and honestly, it's so beautiful how it doesn't necessarily mean it is about Arima detaching from their feminity, Rather just how much Taiga helped them realize they don't need to look feminine to be accepted and fullfill anyone's wishes.

To me, at the end of chapter 6, it's most likely that yes, Arima might be a boy suffering from detachment of something that they knew since they were very little, the role of a girl; AND HEAR ME OUT! THE THEATHER CONTEXT WAS GENIOUS!!!

Arima, their whole life, were assigned as this little girl, that deep down, was unhappy with their identity.

Then they go through this horrible fucking abuse and they feel vulnerable and weak,and they say, well, I'm a boy. That's it, that's who I always was.

And then, they go to their first play and they play as a boy, and they act (literally) as a boy, but the second their abuser is there to see them, (motherfucker) they lose it.

They lose it because, in the first place, all that happened to them was because of the rumor they weren't really a girl, and concluding that, they run away from their real them to avoid facing their trauma and their identity.

So Arima only acts as a girl on plays (literally) despite acting so well as a male character, hiding their talent and their feelings from everyone.

Until Taiga appears and never give up on them, which is beautiful.

And then, in the end, we understand that maybe they are not a boy, maybe they are not a girl, maybe they are both, maybe they are neither, but;

1. Their gender is not defined by what they look like

2. It's nobody's business

I can't put into words how well written this whole scene is. The way they mimick how the abuse was, the way they're scared of getting attached to someone again, the way they're mentally destroyed by the doubt and the feeling of weakness and how none of this matters because Taiga love's them.

No matter the gender, Taiga fell in love with Yuu.

And then they feel comfortable again, which seals pretty much this comic.

No matter which role (gender or theather lol) Yuu chooses, they'll always be Yuu Arima, and they'll always be special.

THAT'S IT OH MY GOD, I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, THIS TOOK ME SO LONG, ANYWAYS LOVE THEM SO SAD IT'S NOT A BIG SERIES BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD WTFF 🥹

[penvisions]

return the favor {chapter 20}

Pairing: Post-Outbreak! Joel Miller x Smuggler! Reader

Summary: The arrival in the haven of Jackson brings certain things to a head, you find solace in a few people of the settlement after being alone with your thoughts for months.

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical language, canon typical angst, like MAJOR ANGST, feelings of inadequacy, ptsd, trauma, brief discussion of child loss, grief, argumentative language, yelling, shouting, joel being an ass, reader being an ass, angry emotions, brief suicidal ideation, reference to past self-harm injury, ellie being a little shit, maria's hyper awareness, reference to sexual content

A/N: this came to me very quickly, having had the ending scene written from the get go and the rest of the story was a way to make it make sense. hope this doesn't hurt anyone too bad! please come complain to me (nicely) if you feel the need

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

The horses were fast, impossibly so after being only on foot for so long. You kept a tight hold on Ellie in front of you, arms around her and holding the reigns of the horse you had been offered. She’d never been on one before but he helped her up all the same, and then you behind her. You knew he was worried about your arm, irritating it with the effort to pull yourself up on your own.

Joel was on his own, right behind the woman who introduced herself as Maria, one of the declared leaders of the council to whatever haven they were now taking you to. She had been curt with her words, saying that Joel’s brother was with them. There had been argument or discussion, Joel asking to see him, be taken to him such weak tone you knew was born of hope and desperation at this point.

A formidable structure was cresting over a hill, giant logs forming a wall with an entrance that you could barely make out adorned with people on watch. Your heart had yet to calm down since the first whiny of a horse, thudding heavily in your chest and almost mirrored in your temple as a headache formed at this drastic chain of events.

It almost seemed too good to be true, like a lifeline that was a trick should you reach out and grab it. But Joel had, he had reached out his aching hands and gripped it tight, refusing to let it go.

As the gates opened you could feel your breath leave you in a puff of steam. It…it was a whole town, revealed behind the gates. A traditional main street lined with maintained buildings, people bustling about and doing so much that it was all so dizzying. You turned to look at Joel, having been corralled in the middle of the group for entrance into their settlement. He could only share your look of disbelief, nodding at you to turn back around and take it all in.

There were elderly people, there were children, there was laughter, there was excitement.

There was life.

Your observations were cut short when Joel’s voice boomed behind you.

“Tommy!”

You turned to look at him, Ellie mirroring you and you followed his gaze toward a man clad in denim who was atop some scaffolding and working with another figure to haul up pillars of wood. Building, they were actively building. Creating something, making something more for this already amazingly impressive place. The man looked up, his focus shattered at a vaguely familiar voice. Dark hair longer and curling at the ends, thick mustache that rivaled Joel’s atop his upper lip. The same kind eyes and similar features telling you that it was indeed his kin if he hadn’t just shouted it for all to hear. Both men rushed toward each other, Joel dismounting his horse and the man stomping down the scaffolding.

They embraced in the middle of the street, boots nearly sliding out from underneath each of them at the collision, Joel’s disbelieving chuckle coloring the air and softening your heart.

Ellie reached for your hand still holding the reigns. So small in your own as you shifted the reigns to one and held her with the other. Her eyes were cast down, watching the scene through her lashes.

“What the fuck ya doing here?”

“I came here to save you.”

They both laughed, embracing again and nearly swaying on the spot. Ellie turned away from the reunion, knowing that her thoughts were much like your own.

Alone.

You were both alone. No family of your own left. You shifted forward and pressed your front to her back and leaned over her a little. Whispering into her ear that she had you, that she wasn’t alone. That you wouldn’t leave her for anything. That she had you.

She didn’t respond, face barely composed as the horses began to move once again. Joel and his brother walking beside them.

Her words of asking you to stay with her echoed in your head.

It felt like a dream, entering the stables and securing the horses. Following behind the small group of Maria, Tommy, Joel, and Ellie through the town. Walking through doors into a large space that was set up like a mess hall.

The plate in your hand heavy as it was handed over to you, filled with steaming food that you couldn’t smell. A cup of coffee and a glass of water are brought to the table once seated. You, Joel, and Ellie on one side while Maria cornered her chair from the head closer to Tommy on the other. Joel and Ellie wasted no time digging in, barely taking a breath as they inhaled their food.

But you were too overwhelmed, too wary. You had come across a place similar to this once, not nearly as large. Only a small collection of houses at the end of a cul-de-sac. But the food had been a ploy to get your guard down. It had been tainted, the drugs making you dizzy enough to become pliant when taken back to a room full of women shackled to the walls.

The fork in your hand felt fake, too light and unlike a weapon that had been become a part of you.

“There’s more if you need it.” Maria’s voice was even, and your eyes shifted to her, she was already watching you. Her eyes moving between your trio in even sweeps, trying to read whatever you were unconsciously telling her. Trying to discern the dynamic and the reason for you sticking together. Worry underlying her gaze as you noticed her leg move to touch against Tommy’s under the tabletop.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Joel took a moment to catch his breath, fork still loaded and hunched over his plate slightly. “Been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal.” Ellie quickly tore down his simple statement.

“Now that’s a lie, Bean’s made us plenty of meals with what she could.” He fired back, no real heat behind his words. He looked over to you, but he paused when he realized you had yet to touch your food. The fork in your grip just hovering over the tablecloth laid out beneath it. The steam rising from the mix of different things on the plate not enticing you enough to indulge. You wouldn’t meet his eyes, too busy trained on Maria and having a silent conversation with the woman across from you.

“Okay, maybe one or two. But this is fuckin’ amazing.

Joel’s head whipped back to the teenager whose focus was solely on the food she was hunched over, her arms creating a barrier from the rest of the table.

“Sorry.” He aimed at his brother and the woman beside him, almost sheepish. It was a surprise to both of them that you didn’t admonish her like you had back at the cabin, when she cursed at the elderly couple. You weren’t completely present and it was setting them both on edge a little. You hadn’t been so out of it since the fever that tried to take over you after Salt Lake City. But even then, your eyes were clouded over, instincts taking hold and guiding you. Survival being the only goal right now, despite being in an entirely different climate and environment. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

Tommy’s smile was beautiful, though there was pain behind it. Joel’s too as you realized they were sharing hesitant one. You and Maria shared another look of your own before she reached a hand out for you.

You flinched, the fork clattering to the table as you pulled your hand back. Joel stiffened beside you, his knee pressing to yours underneath the table in a small comfort. But it was fruitless, you were too worked up, too overwhelmed. Too hopeless to salvage or take anything with the man in light of changing circumstances.  

“I promise you the food is safe.” Her eyes softened as she realized what you must’ve been thinking, seeing you too clearly for comfort.

Ellie’s demanding ‘what’ broke the connection, drawing attention to a young girl that scurried away from where she had been observing the table.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joel’s voice was incredulous, unable to process the front she was putting on much like she had done at the older couples’ cabin. He glanced over at you, but you were focused on the food in front of you, not really present. Unable to help him try to get Ellie to behave herself. He huffed, worried for you and exasperated with the teenager, feeling the strain of having to watch over you both even now.

“What about her manners?” Ellie spit back, voice lethal as she tried to defend herself. Too familiar with watching, prying eyes. Scanning her for weakness and then using it against her. This wasn’t the FEDRA school building, this wasn’t a controlled environment like that. This was different, she was different. She wouldn’t let someone get the chance to bully or beat her up just because she was new or different this time around.

“She was just curious.” Maria spoke softly, trying to maintain a calm head in the face of Ellie’s defensive front and your nearly shut down one. “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right…well, maybe I’ll teach them.” She held the woman’s gaze, setting your nerves alight, worried she would get herself into a situation she couldn’t get out of, a situation you or even Joel couldn’t help to get her out of. You were paying attention, but everything seemed to be happening behind a thick panel of glass. Like you were there but not, removed and watching as if in another headspace you couldn’t shake off. “And I want my gun back.”

“They also aren’t armed.” Maria’s tone hardened, her frustration showing slightly but trying to keep up appearances, keep her calm in the wake of seeing how your trio was failing to integrate even this early on after being brought in. You were sure if there was no connection to the man beside her, you would’ve been turned away.

“You know what? Uh- I think y’all maybe got off on the wrong foot.”

“She was gonna have her guys kill us.” The silverware in her grip thudded onto the table as she leaned forward, no longer willing to play nice.

“We gotta be real careful about who we let in this place.” Tommy tried to explain, calmly taking over the conversation. He and Joel seemed the most calm, it was you, Maria, and Ellie who were having trouble acting like this wasn’t one of the weirdest fucking interactions of your lives. “But it’s all bark. We’re just tryna scare off those who might wanna try us is all.”

“Well, you got a couple of ninety year olds shitting themselves out there.”

“Ellie.” Joel’s head swiveled heavily as he pinned her with a sharp look for her foul language.

“They say that you leave dead bodies around?” Ellie focused back on Maria, wanting to hear the answer the woman came up with.

“Those are the people who tried us.”

“A bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad. Not always, at least.” Maria’s eyes locked on Joel, his chewing stopping as he realized what she was insinuating despite having just met him.

“Ma’am, we’re grateful for your hospitality and all.” He locked eyes with his brother, who suddenly seemed uncomfortable, worried about what was about to be said. “But it’d be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.”

“Well, um…” Tommy scrambled for words. But you didn’t hesitate.

Taking that as your queue to leave, you began to move.

"You're okay, darlin’." Joel had turned to face you; you were on his right side out of habit. He was looking down at you, the few inches of space making you dizzy as his eyes were on you. You shook your head slightly, disagreeing quietly to save face, mentally preparing yourself for the rift that was bound to open between you now that he was back with his actual flesh and blood. You had never seen such unadulterated joy on his face as you had seen today, though Ellie would be the first to argue that he looks at you in much the same way.

As if sensing the shift in you, Joel turned his head just enough to keep you in his periphery. Body still taught and on alert despite being behind the walls and in the company of his finally found brother. The room was large, too many people milling about, seated at their own tables. The hum of chatter almost suffocating as it was so different a background noise from the howling of the wind and the rustling of trees that kept you company for months now. The hush of moving fabric a threat more than a comfort, the shadows of people moving about and minding their own business something that set you on edge instead of placated you. But you knew it had to be a good thing, this settlement.

Joel whispered your name, reaching out a hand to grip yours where it was on the table, having put the utensil down at his words and gone to push yourself up from your chair. Ellie watched with caution as he did so, knowing that you were full of emotions she couldn't read, she was feeling some kind of way herself ever since the brothers had hugged so unabashedly in the street. You yanked your hand from him in a moment of self-anger and pity, upset that you had begun to think things were mending between you. But he kept his hold, your clasped hands hanging between where he was still seated and where you stood beside him, chair kicked back a few inches at the motion.

But the truth was that in the light of civilization, in the chance at human connection, you didn't stand a chance. The strain that had been slowly developing between you both would shatter into nothing in the light of finding this haven in the middle of nowhere.

He would find some semblance of his old life here with his brother. You were just someone who he traveled with, shared favors when things got overwhelming and human urges were too strong to quell. You weren’t anything to him, not really, and even if you were naïve enough to think so, it wasn’t real. Whatever you two had wasn’t real, it was a faux creation of comfortability built in the confines of forced close quarters. 

"Let go of me." He pulled his hand back as if burned, he didn't dare step over set boundaries when it came to touch. Your voice had been quiet, just enough to be heard. You nodded at Tommy, at Maria in silent thanks for the untouched meal and then walked away from the table. The door didn’t even get to close behind you completely before Joel was excusing himself and following you.

“Please, just, I can’t pretend like this isn’t all so overwhelming.” You didn’t turn around to look at him but could feel how close he was behind you as you descended the steps leading to the entrance of the building. Snow and rock salt crunched underneath your worn boots and you wanted to continue to hear that sound until you were far away from this place, from this supposed refuge. People were dangerous, perspective having been solidified by nearly every encounter from the last fifteen years accumulating and not changing in the slightest.

“Family includes you.”

“You trekked across the country for him, Joel. Go be with your brother. I’ll give you space or whatever you need, but please don’t make me feel like I’m something I’m not.”

“You are, you are…important.”

“Not now! Not…not since I’ve been so in my head that I can’t distinguish the present from the warped reality in my head. I know it and you know it.”

“Darlin’, c’mon, at least get a warm meal in ya before we do this.” Your features morphed into a deceptive calm. Even he was admitting that this was about to all fall apart, the thin string of connection between your little trio, between you both.  

“Joel-“

“Enough!” His frustrated shout caught the attention of more than a few passerby, craning their necks toward the argument. No longer given the element of privacy behind the walls and in the center of town. “Let’s just go back in there and hear them out, you owe me that much.”

“No!” You shouted back, not caring how it echoed or the people watching on with wide eyes. Not caring how it may look to these people who knew nothing about you or even seemed to be welcoming. Prying eyes be damned, you would not let Joel steam roll you.

“You’re treating me like shit, Joel. And I’m over it. Pinging back and forth so quick I can’t keep up. I don’t care if you don’t want anything from me, but you have to show me some respect. Don’t go acting like this one meal with your real family is going to change anything. You’re going to drop me, and I’d rather know now.”

“I am trying to keep you alive. Yours and Ellie’s lives are in my hands and I am trying my damned best to keep them safe. Between her constant questions and your hovering, it’s nearly impossible to keep a quiet trek. Even now, behind these walls. You’re acting like I’ve betrayed you in some way and throwing up your walls without hearing anything out.”

The irony of his words must’ve sunk in because he stepped back with a deep inhale, his expression steeling as if freezing over in the cold air.

“No one said it was just your responsibility. I’m here too, Joel, you have to let me carry some of the weight. I’m here, I’ve done nothing but follow your lead and I am glad to, but you have to respect me. Do not treat me like a burden because I’m not one. Don’t pretend like you’re not about to cut your losses and move on.”

The words seemed to ignite him further, no longer willing to hold back all of the emotions he had been feeling and still felt despite the temporary reprieve. A glint shone in his eyes as he stepped toward you, his height allowing him the display of power as he glared down at you. You tried not to let the flash of fear show, but you know it passed over your face as he got closer. He had paused for the fraction of a second, seeing it and hating that it had happened but sticking to his guns all the same. Despite the knowledge that he wouldn’t hurt you, the thought was so palpable as he loomed over you. Your hands twitched but there were no weapons to reach for, having been taken at the gate upon entrance.

“Oh yeah? Is that why every god damn set back, every break we’ve had to take was because of you? If you’re so capable then why are you constantly injured, huh? First the broken arm, then the fever, then the god damn bear, and the lake. Hell, the first day we came across you and cleared the city limits, you fell, knocked your head and twisted your god damn ankle. What do all of those have in common? You. It’s because you’re weak, darlin’.”

“Fuck you.” You spat, taken aback by the way he was speaking to you. The way he was deciding to do this. Putting the blame for his inability to face reality on you, with you.

“My arm got broken because I was protecting Ellie on the ground while you were up in that house! The fever was because of my broken arm. The bear? The goddamn bear, Joel? You mean the one you couldn’t hear coming up from behind? And the lake? You were the one taken hostage, not me. I was the one that got you untied, I was the one that’s been getting the shit end of the stick this whole journey, but guess what, I’ve also been the one healing everyone! Been cooking whatever we hunt and forage, been the one to help bridge the gap between you and teenage girl you’re afraid of!”

“I am not afraid of that little girl.” He hissed, teeth clenched tight as he bared them at you.

“You are. And you’re afraid of me. Because it’s more than making sure we stay alive. It’s because you care.”

“I don’t care. Only doing this to get-“

“Oh shut the fuck up, you repressed asshole.”

You stalked away from him, done with the conversation before it blew up even more. But not before he saw the tears overflow and begin to race down your cheeks. Shoving through the people that had loosely gathered around you both, pretending not to listen in but failing at being discreet. Perfect, the first impression you were both making was terrible. A heated, boisterous argument right in the middle of the densest part of the whole town.

Joel called your name, but you ignored it. Done with the conversation, done with him. Your ears were ringing, your body was tingling as if numb, that staticky feeling when a limb fell asleep and blood flow was blocked. Your throat was tight, face hot with emotions. Family. The word echoed in your head over and over again, too much, too defining. Too much of a lie. Reality be damned, you’d rather be alone than force a connection with someone who deemed you a proverbial punching bag because they couldn’t handle their emotions. The street blurred by as you stalked off, pace fast.

You physically reeled when a hand closed around your upper arm. You startled so badly at the touch that you tripped, body falling with the sudden loss of balance and stability.

“Don’t touch me!” You shrieked, not willing to play nice any longer. You swung a clenched fist around too quick for the person to dodge and a woman fell to the ground with a shout just as you landed on your own ass. Both arms going out to try and catch yourself, but when the contact of your left arm was made you shouted out. Tingles sprouted up and down the entire length and all you could do was grip it right with your right and look up through your tears. The woman who had approached you was cradling her face, a pink blossom sprouting from where you had landed the punch. But you didn’t move even as you distantly heard the click of a gun’s safety.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m a nurse! I just wanted to help, you’re obviously distressed.”

Ellie sat there and stabbed at her food, taking too big a mouthful to cover her discomfort at being left at the table with these strangers alone.

“They do that a lot?” Maria asked, trying to comb over the obvious awkward tension in the air as the girl was left beside two people she didn’t know anything about. It didn’t seem to matter that it was a safe environment, Ellie was on edge and it was obvious.

“What, act like dumbasses who don’t know the other likes them?” Ellie swallowed her food, stabbing another large bite. Trying to act like she wasn’t brimming with anxiety while you and Joel were separated from each other. Maria and Tommy shared a look, not sure what to do other than wait for one or both of you to return to the table. “All the time, it’s exhausting.”

Joel ambled back in and Ellie perked up slightly until she realized you weren’t behind him. He just shook his head slightly at her, letting her know that you had walked off to cool down or gather yourself or whatever. But he was sure the sharp cuts of words you both shouted at each other had been audible from outside.

“Maria is family.” Tommy declared, shaking their held hands atop the table.

“Oh shit,” Ellie shifted from their linked hands to each of their faces. “Congrats.”

“Joel, say congrats.” The teenager calmly prompted, taking enjoyment out of the turn of roles to mind manners. Shifting in the seat he had taken back him, he locked eyes with his brother and congratulated them in a flat tone. The hits of the day continued to land as he realized his place in this world.

As the group stepped out from the mess hall, a woman came up to Maria and whispered something to her. With a nod she sent her off and turned to Joel.

“Your girl is at the infirmary, the nurse we have is tending to her arm. It was broken recently?”

“Three months ago, broke clean through the skin. She tended to it herself as best she could.” He was sure you wouldn’t mind the information being shared, most likely the exact thing you were telling the people at the infirmary to get a better understanding of how your attempts had done and able to determine how well it had healed.  

“Bean can take care of herself, she went to school for, what was it Joel?” Ellie turned to him, not wanting to say the wrong thing. But wanting the woman to know who she was messing with, know who she almost killed. Spiteful tendencies not falling off in the face of authority.

“EMT, medical anthropology. She’s got degrees under her belt and certifications.” Joel felt pride flare up in his chest as he spoke, wanting Tommy and Maria to know that you were capable, just as he was. That you had been holding your own out there in the wilderness, that it hadn’t been easy but you managed between here and Boston just fine.

“A smart woman, we need someone with that kind of knowledge. Our last doctor that taken out by a nasty strain of the flu last season.” Tommy tried to bridge the gap of conversation. Trying to understand exactly what happened to his brother from the moment he left Boston with the Fireflies to now, without being too direct. Knowing focused questions would warrant Joel to close oof or fabricated lies that were only hints of what actually happened. The girl and you being the biggest questions he has by far. But he let it rest for now, hoping they could have a moment alone soon enough. Hoping that by some miracle his brother would plan on staying here, safe. With him.

Joel listened as Maria began her informative tour, explaining the basics of things here in Jackson for him and Ellie to learn. To get familiar with. But he wasn’t sure what to do now, what the right choice to make was.

Remain here and integrate. Make some semblance of like all together. Or simply use it as a place to recharge and then get back on the road, use it as a place to gather information and supplies before picking up where they left off. The Fireflies, Ellie being immune, you needing rest, Joel needing rest…all of it factors in a decision he needed to talk over with you. After he apologized for the way he spoke to you earlier, for the things he blamed on you that he was at war within himself over. He was bonded to you all and that was the problem, he had gotten too close in the months of travel. Come to instinctually seek you both out as soon as his eyes opened after sleep, needing to protect you both at any cost.

Something Maria said brought him out of his spiraling thoughts, and he turned his attention to her with a furrowed brow. None of this made any sense, too many generators that would fail out in cycles between fixes and scavenging for parts or batteries. A light pole stood proud in the center of the street, thick cables running off of it an toward the tops of the surrounding buildings.

“You draw power from the dam.”

“Got that working a few years ago.” She agreed, slight confusion coloring her features as he pointed it out. She hadn’t said so, but she continues talking, finding it a good thing that he was asking questions and engaging rather than shutting down and running off like you had been. Though she wished you were within her sights, just to make sure you were okay.

“Bean was right.” Ellie pinned Joel with a mild glare. Aware of the growing tension between the two of you as the days bled together.

The stables were loud, now in the later hour.  The bustle of horses being lead around large pens, sheep being herded from one to another, people tending to the animals keeping his thoughts at bay. He felt a glimmer of something as he watched the sheep move about with trotting steps and comforting noises, the conversation from the night before sprouting to the front of his mind.  

“Hey Joel, check it.” Ellie smiled, imitating them as she looked over her shoulder at the man. Tommy looked between them, brows raised in a silent question that Joel waved off with a slight nod of his head.

“Soooo are you like, in charge?” Ellie askes, hands weakly clapping together from where she had them buried deep in her jacket pockets. Nervous energy filling her up the longer she was away from you, but hoping you would join back up with them soon.

“No one person’s in charge.” “I’m on the council. Democratically elected, serving three hundred people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.

“Everything you see in our town: greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership.

“So, un, communism.” Joel spoke up, taking it all in. Thoughts racing as he wondered if you were getting the same information at the infirmary.

“Nah.” Tommy scoffed, not agreeing with the rather simple way that Joel summarized everything. “Nah, it ain’t like that.”

“It is that. Literally.” Maria burst her husband’s naïve bubble, though there was no heat behind her words as she glanced back at him. It simply was the most accurate way to describe what they had established here in Jackson. “This is a commune. We’re communists.”

Joel tossed Tommy a smug look over his shoulder as he rubbed his aching hands together and followed after the girls. Tommy hung back for a moment, soaking in the realization.

“No way!” Excitement colored Ellie’s tone when she spotted the mare and her foal peeking out from within a stable close by.

“That’s our newest one. Couple months old, wanna pet her?” The offer was genuine as the group approached the opening and Ellie reached out to baby talk and caress the foal’s fur.

“Yeah, what’s her name?” Joel ambled close to her, sticking by her side even with the relative safety of the place, not taking any chances with the bustle of people everywhere. She was distracted, the sights and phenomena garnering her attention. She wasn’t on alert, but he remained so for her sake. For his.

“Shimmer.”

“Well, I’m sure they’d like a shower. Some new clothes. We can put them in the empty house across the street from us.”

“Yeah,” Tommy looked to his brother, hoping they weren’t overstepping anything by offering without all three of your trio present. “Decent place, pretty much untouched since ’03, but it’s got the heat goin’ in it. Could do worse.”

“Oh, trust me, we have been.”

“We’ve been doin’ fine. Don’t disrespect Bean like that.” Joel defended, not wanting them to know just how bad it had been getting before they found you. Feeling self-righteous in the face of finding out his brother had been experiencing old world comforts while he slept on the frozen ground and ate whatever could be scrounged up day after day. That he had barely been able to provide for you and Ellie despite his efforts.

“Oh, like you did, yelling at her in the middle of the street and running her off?” The teenager fired back, not taking Joel’s attempt at corralling her in that instance.

“Ellie-“ Joel hung his head, shoulders inching up as he realized this was only the first of many comments the teenager was going to make.

“Well, I’ll take Ellie over there. Track down…Bean was it you’re calling her? Let you two catch up.”

Joel gave them your real name them, not sure if you’d want strangers you didn’t know calling you by the fond nickname Ellie had graced you with before him and his brother broke off to have a moment alone.

It was night when you returned to the center of town, the main street lit up with fairy lights and burn barrels. It was pretty, you had to admit as you walked around looking for the movie gathering that Maria had marked on a note for you back at the house assigned to you for the night. It had been empty when you arrived. Lights and heat on for when one or all three of you retired for the night.

“Maria, can I…have a word with you?”

“Of course,” The woman lead you out of the crowded room and onto the street. She opened the door to a front further down the street. You settled up on a stool at the bar while she rounded the long counter and poured you a drink. Eyes trained on the bottle she replaced back on the shelve, not pouring one of her own.

You gripped the lowball glass in steady hands.

“I know you what you must think of me…of Joel. But we did right by that little girl and we’ve been doing our best to keep her alive. But…it’s not been easy, I won’t lie to you.”

“That argument was pretty heated, seems like things haven’t been easy in the slightest.”

“It’s…unforgiving out there. Thought I had enough trouble traveling alone, but with people you feel responsible for, that look to you for guidance, it’s far worse.”

“She’s not yours.” Maria realized, putting the words to fruition, seeing you and making it known. She could recognize it in you, just like you could in her. Mirrors of each other, though one had safety and community while one did not. Mothers who have lost, women who have survived. You met her eyes and showed even more of yourself to her, feeling like she was trustworthy to know. To be privy to what drove you and made you who you were. That you were willing to be a part of this should they allow you to stay, with or without Joel.

“No, mine was lost before the pregnancy could come to term. Ambushed. Lost my husband and my home, nearly lost myself too.” Honesty seemed to be the best course of action, the right thing to do in face of all this woman had offered you so far. Despite the way in which the initial greeting had played out. You understood the need to protect, the need to threaten. You’ve had to do it before and you would do it again in a heartbeat.

“I’ve lost a child too. It’s not something you can come back from without weight.”

“No, it’s not. Even after fifteen years. Twenty years.”

“But Joel-“

“He’s a good man, but I know he’s done some things. Things that weren’t necessary but were easier for him to do in his own grief. I think he’s carried it heavier than all of us combined. But please, don’t mistake me, I am not making excuses for the man, hell, we ain’t even friends. Not really. Just happened across each other and stuck together, for Ellie.”

“But you love him. I can see it. Despite everything.”

“It’s those damn Miller genes, gotta hand it to them.” Your lips pulled up at one corner before you sobered, mood not picking up completely in wake of the day. “He doesn’t return those feelings, or he does and can’t stomach the thought, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve been a fool to think that this journey changed him in that regard.”

“But the journey isn’t over.” She was smart, reading you like you were one and the same. You wondered if for all your combined hardness, if preserving softness was how you truly survived. Her with helping to keep this commune running, you with protecting a little girl with everything you had. Both the same, both trying to heal with world in what little ways you could with dual swords gripped tight in each hand.

“All I ask for is supplies and a horse, I’ll take Ellie on from here. But please, give him the same curtesy if he decided to stay or not or y’all vote against him stayin’. Please.” You gazed out at the smoke wafting from one of the burn barrels, hoping to be emersed in a hot shower after being out in the cold so long. You hadn’t sat still for more than a moment since entering the town, doing rounds and talking with the nurse who had been kind enough to help you despite blindly attacking her.

She was nice, if a little misguided. Working off of notations and medical books that wouldn’t help her to truly understand the gravity of certain injuries unless she had dealt with them before. You left your own journal for her, some of the books you had kept with you. You hadn’t asked for anything in return but she made you a plate of food in her home, her wife kind enough clean your coat while you all talked.

“She’s all I got now, and she needs me. We can finish our travels from here on out alone, and don’t want to be a burden to someone who is still dealing with their own internal demons. But he’s right, I am weak. Been injured more than whole the past three months, but if it means I could get her to where she needs to be, then I’ll risk my death.”

“I’ll get you what you need but…know there’s a place here for you both- all if you…don’t find what you’re looking for.”

“You’re just saying that because I’m medically trained.”

“I mean it, you deserve a chance too, even if you’ve already given up.”

She reached out to take your hand and this time you didn’t flinch.

You didn’t greet Joel as he entered the home, the shine of tears long past still evident on his face in other ways. His shoulders were slumped, exhaustion plain in his every movement. He walks past you and toward the staircase, his path toward Ellie up in one of the rooms.

“Don’t,” You stepped away from the bottom of the stairs the second he appeared at the top of them. The soft light of the lamps lit up around the living room bathing you in half shadows. But they didn’t hide the hard focus of your features. You heard everything that reverberated down the stairs. He had broken Ellie’s trust in him, her faith in him, just like he was about to do with you.

Tension was a thick wight over the room, your body tense and Joel’s shoulders slumped as he leaned his knees against the side of the couch. The argument from earlier floating between you both as you were standing by an armchair across the room.

“We…we can still get her there.”

“We’re both too weak.”

“Not-not if we rest for a few days, get some decent meals in us. Water that we aren’t rationing to only what we can carry.”

“No, not even then. I’m too old, too worn down. You’re too injured, prone to get more so. We aren’t strong enough.”

“Joel-“ You pinched the bridge of your nose, head throbbing with the cold still waning from your trek to find Maria.

“You deserve better, dammit! Not some old fuck who can’t handle anything anymore!” His voice was loud, booming around the dusty living room and you jumped, not expecting it. You were sure Ellie could hear the hollering just as you had heard her a few moments before. Your hands were fisted at your sides, nails digging into the skin of your palms at the action. “You’re so insistent on keeping on with me when there’s no fucking reason! Like a damn thorn in my side, no matter how hard I dig I can’t get you out!”

“It’s not about what I deserve, you fucking idiot! It’s about what I want. And you’re it, Joel Miller.”

“Well, sometimes we don’t get what we want. I’m not your shot at a second chance to start a family. I’m too damn old for this shit. Playing pretend and ignoring the reality of the situation. We shouldn’t have started what we did, it just made things complicated. We were both weak, to give into that. Too stupid to see that it wasn’t moments of peace, it was damnation.”

“I don’t regret being that way with you.”

“Well I do. It wasn’t right, we were fools to think there weren’t strings attached to it. You have enough trauma with that kind of stuff for there not to be. With how you came onto me, propositioned me, I shoulda known you would get attached.” The words tumbled out of his mouth without a thought. The heat of the moment and the emotions swirling in him too much for common sense and decency to play a part.

All of the emotions of seeing his brother after so long, having been living in a safe and protected place while he had suddenly come into the care of someone he hadn’t had room in his stone cold heart to deal with. Losing the one person he had come to trust in his life, suddenly shackled with another woman who reminded him of her so much. Suddenly a father again and faced with a familiar silhouette that sparked too many hurtful memories.

“Oh.” Your face fell, no longer firm with determination as you fired shouts at him as fast as he had been doing to you. A heaviness settled in your chest as you schooled your expression into a blank one. You didn’t want Joel to see you cry, even as you felt the tears begin to well up, your face heated up as they did so. Your hands were still at your sides, when not two seconds ago your fists were clenched as you pleaded with the man to understand. But it was too late, he set fire to the bridge you two had cautiously and carefully built over the last four months with one breath.

“Shit, that-“

“No, no. I get it, I’m damaged goods. Too impure for you in your fuckin’ set southern ways. I guess we don’t owe each other anymore favors. I felt safe with you, I let my guard down with you, but I’m seeing it for what it was now. I was nothing more than an easy fuck to you. That’s all I’ve ever been to people in this damn forsaken world. God forbid I think I’m anything of substance, of anything more than that. I haven’t felt wanted since before my husband got slaughtered.”

You didn’t care how hoarse your voice was, the volume diminished now that your heart felt like it had been stabbed, wounded beyond repair.

The scar on your left arm was throbbing. The sensation to tear the skin open fleeting in your mind just as was the bloodied body of a past lover, of the men you had taken out after finding them retreating in deep snow, of your legs scratched and bruised from fighting one of them off to no avail. You opted to reach for your pack where you had set it beside an armchair. Joel was silent as he watched you try to pick it up, his fingers curling into his palm over and over again in that obvious nervous twitch of his. But you were too overcome with the situation to lift it, the weight of it too much for you. You crumbled to the ground, knees digging into the hardwood of the floor, your hands gripped tight on the fabric of the pack, knuckles white with the pressure. Tears rolled down your face, heavy and hot as your chest ached.

“At least everyone else had the decency to demand what they wanted from me, not play tricks in order to get it. I was honest with you, I meant what I said. But, maybe I should’ve been honest when it developed past that and that’s on me. Played me like a damn fool.” Your words wavered as they fell from your lips, no more fight to your voice. He had broken you, like he did everything he ever touched. “Savior complex rewarded by helping out someone in their time of need and then getting the reward. Should’ve seen it for what it was this whole time.”

No words came from him, no defense against himself, no admonishments for you and what you were thinking. All of the embraces, all of the reaching hands, all of the shared looks, tainted now. And there was no going back. He just watched the way you clung to your pack, crumbled down on the ground.

You didn’t say anything, head bowed over your hands still tangled in the handle of your pack. The tears were rolling down your cheeks, hiccups lofting into the air on every other intake of shuddering breath. You tried to tamp it down, not wanting the man to see you break down and continue to see you as weak, but being too overcome to realize it would make a lasting impression on him for the days to come either way.

“Tommy is going to take my post, he’ll help get you both to where you need to be. Dawn, it’s his call.”

His steps were heavy as he thudded past you, crossing the room. His coat being tugged on over his taut shoulders, entire body tense as he worried you would suddenly find a second wind. But you didn’t and he made it to the door. The sound of it closing behind him, the click of the handle sounding with a note of finality. Joel rubbed hard at his face, hand smearing the tears that had fallen from his own eyes over his heated skin. He looked up to see Tommy standing on the steps to the porch, frozen mid-step between two of them, gloved hand on the railing.

“Don’t.”

“Joel…”

“I said don’t, Tommy.” He clenched his eyes shut as the muffled sound of your cries sounded through the door. He didn’t think his heart could ever feel so heavy again, but he was proven wrong as he walked away from the house that was supposed to be some sort of future for all three of you. He was a damn fool too.

It could’ve been minutes; it could’ve been hours; you weren’t sure how much time had passed but eventually you made it upstairs and in a bedroom. You felt numb, body on autopilot as you undressed and regarded yourself in the vanity mirror. Steam filled the bathroom, swirling around you as you took in the state you had been left in, gutted.

The hits he had thrown at you weren’t physical, but you could feel them coloring your skin, tightening it around your ribcage, your knuckles, your temples. Weakening you beyond anything someone else could manage to do. Your eyes stung, dried out from the tears before you managed to detangle yourself from the pack and get up off the heap you had made on the ground down in the living room.

Hot water cascaded down your body, hurting when it made contact with the back of your neck, burning your skin pink. You choked on a sudden sob, bursting from your chest as you had the fleeting, naïve thought of sharing a shower with the man who had made it his mission to tear you apart.

Instead of sharing in your body in this way, he had taken chunks of it for himself with his teeth. Carrying you around with him as the blood stained around his biting mouth and underneath his clawing nails. Not in the way you had wanted, not in the way of a bruise sucked into his neck or scratches down his back, the phantom feeling of you wrapped around him or phantom whines in his ear. But this far more sinister way, where you got nothing in return.

The bed was a freezing contrast when you collapsed into it, though sleep didn’t come.

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dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics

taglist: (trying to link everyone who's asked) @sawymredfox @narcissa-anastasia @ayamenimthiriel @rosaaeles @littlemisspascal @oscarissac2099

[romanarose]

Kiss It Better

Joel Miller x gn!pregnant!reader

Masterlist : Taglist

Summery: You catch Joel staring the scar on this forehead.

Warnings: Mention of suicide attempt and child death

short lil dabble from last minute inspo

*****************

Life was good these days. Tommy said he hadn't seen Joel this happy in 20 years; you had a good life together. You and Joel were happy together, you were parental figures to Ellie and now had a little one on the way. As a family, you frequently spent time with Tommy and Maria and their two kids; Tommy was a fun uncle, to be sure, always showing Ellie the new guns and gadgets he got or made. In fact, all of you were on your way over to their house for dinner now. Yeah, everything was good, you and Joel were happy.

Joel was in the bathroom washing hands before you head out, and you wabble over to the bathroom to ask him for a hand down the stairs. At 8 months, you were a little off balance and didn't want to risk a fall.

"Hey sweetie, can you-"

He tries to hide it but you saw him, leaned into the mirror and poking at his scar on his forehead.

"Oh, hey darl'n, you ready to head down?" Joel tried to act as if it hadn't happened.

"What were you doing, baby?"

Joel sighed, realizing he'd been caught. "Noth'n I was just... hope'n it'd faded way by now."

You feel your shoulders droop as your head leans over. "Sweetheart... It's been 20 years, don't think it's going to fade away any more."

"I know." He wouldn't look at you as he began cleaning up his beard trimmings.

Carefully, you approach him. “What are you worried about, Joel?"

He signs, fidgeting with the faucet. "The baby. I just don't know how I'm gonna explain something like that. Don't want 'em think'n I'm weak or can't protect them because of it."

No wonder he'd be acting strange. You take his hand and guide him to your bed so you can sit him down. Still holding his hand, you catch his sad eyes. "You got nothing to be ashamed of. You lost your daughter, baby. That's enough to make anyone want to end it, with or without the world ending around you. But you survived it, and you survived the next twenty year. You pulled together for your brother, for Ellie, for me-" You place his hand over your large stomach. "And you'll do it for the baby. Know why? Because you are a protector at heart. You are a protector, a provider, a good man, and the love of my life."

Joel nodded, but looked unconvinced. "With Ellie it was... different. She needed to hear it, to hear the real story... after everything she'd been through, you know? I just don't know how to talk about that sort of thing."

"You don't have to." You assure him. "We can just say someone shot and missed, I can talk to them if you'd like. It's your story to tell. We can only hope that baby never knows the loss that you, me and Ellie have... but we still live in this world gone mad. Whatever happens, they'll know how strong their parents are. They'll know they have a sister, and one in heaven. A sister their dad and uncle loved so dearly they did everything in their power to save her. They'll know how much their dad and uncle loved each other and how for years they were all they had. They'll know about Tess, Frank, Bill, Reilly, and everyone who made up a family when everything had fallen apart. And they'll know, more than anything," You bring his hardened, calloused hands up to your lips for a kiss, locking in with Joel's watery eyes. "That their family loves them, and will do everything to keep them safe and happy."

Joel closed his eyes tightly, attempted to hide back tears but one escaped. "Thank you baby, that means a lot." He wipes back the wetness with his flannel and stands, aiding you in rising. Joel doesn't let go, arms wrapped around you, and you kiss his temple right where his scar is.

"I love you, Joel Miller. Every part of you."

The moment was broken by Ellie yelling up the stairs that you two are taking too long and she was walking over to Tommy's. He was fixing up an old motorcycle and she wanted to learn.

You smile and laugh as the door opens and shuts, Joel carefully aiding you down the stairs.

Joel Miller loved you, he loved his brother, his sister in law, his daughter, his niece and nephew and he loved that little life growing inside you, and you knew he'd do whatever it took to protect the life he had now, including taking care of himself.

*****************

I don't write a whole lot of Joel here I know, but I do have some of him on my masterlist here, but if you like how I write Joel and you like dark fics, yo may like @romana-after-dark bc I got quite a bit of dark!Joel there, including a new Handmaid's Tale AU!

@fandxmslxt69 @k-ra @whatthefishh @campingwiththecharmings @ahookedheroespureheart @littlenosoul @runa-falls @stevenandmarcslove @scarletthefierce @pikapuff-316 @del-ightfulling

[siboom777]

The Salamander's family lore

Warning: English not my first language so there can be mistakes!!

I decided to finally write down some Sally's back story so when i put some details from the past in her future lore no one will be confused.

Alright, so it all started with Bernard Salamander, who at his young age (20-25) was working as an Auror. He showed himself as pretty capable employee so he was trusted with serious missions and dangerous dark wizards.

One little fact, his nose is slightly crooked due to the fact that when he stood up for Lara(his future wife), some drunk guy was trying to reach to Lara and Bernard stood up. It was muggle man so he couldn't use his magic, and due to his pretty weak body end up with broken nose. He refused to heal it with magic and wanted to let it heal itself, so it will remind him to pay attention on his physical form.

Lara Salamander. She met Bernard at the work, when they were forced to work in pair for some time. She was clumsy, pretty shy but really loyal to her work, and all of that made the heart of grumpy Bernard melt with every day. Especially her green warm eyes.

After their marriage they gave birth to the girl Maria. Bernard always wanted a girl who will look just like Lara, but even if Maria was literally copy of Bernard in girls body, it didn't stopped him from loving this child dearly. After 10 years their son Nash saw the light of the world. Due to not having really good experience with his father, Bernard didn't really knew what to do with the boy, But Lara was always there to keep the family together... until one day.

On one of the missions, Lara and Bernard wandered into the territory of the dragon, and because the dragons are very overprotective to their territory, the dragon attacked everything that moves.

Lara died in that incident.

After this, the whole Salamander family experienced loss very hard.

Bernard dismissed the children, Maria immersed herself in the study of dragonology, they do not believe that a dragon killed her mother. Dragon cannot be punished by law, and because her father nurtured in her a keen sense of justice, she could not just let her mother go until the "villain" was punished.

It was hardest for Nash, because he was so young at the time and didn't understand why everything suddenly became so bad, why everyone acted so cold and... why mother didn't visit them anymore?

Bernard will leave his job as an Auror and before Sally's birth would have worked as a locksmith at a factory to distract himself with hard work from problems and from magic world, after Sally's birth and the persuasion of friends, he begins to make toys to order, after which he opens a shop with homemade toys.

He changed his clothing style from dark for a brighter one. He read that children perceive such colors better and it is useful for them to stare at bright things. Plus, this style was better suited to the image of a person who makes toys

Maria won a grant after she finished Hogwarts and when she grows up, became one of the leading dragon scientists, so Sally won't see her until she graduates from Hogwarts due to her expeditions to learn about dragons. She will participate in the lore, but it will be close to the end of 7th year of Sally's education.

Before the incident, she planned to be an Auror just like her parents, but refuse to go here after all that happened.

Nash suffers from an inferiority complex, constantly being surrounded by the shadow of his father or the shadow of his sister and begins to work hard for the Ministry, using various dirty methods to get to the top.

He falls in love with a "night moth" named "Ruby" and makes Sally on the side, thinking that here he will have an outlet, then he will make a man out of her.

But her green eyes trigger trauma in him, this is superimposed by the fact that the friend who gave him a promotion was against of concepts like culture, love, beauty, and after learning that he is in love with a woman, throws him down his career.

Ruby, Sally's mom sees that Nash has no money and disappears to nowhere, asking him not to look for her, what Nash is also suffering from.

And out of anger, he brings Sally to his father and says to Bernard: " If you want to throw it away, do so, if you want to leave it, I don't care."

And he leaves to rebuild his career, but this time on hi own, so that no one will say a word to him.

Well, Bernard couldn't leave a small copy of Lara, so he didn't even think about leaving her.

By the way, Ruby was afraid that Sally was not from him when she saw her green eyes. But when Nash said that she looked like his mother, she calmed down and did not even check.

Ruby named her daughter Sally because it is consonant with the word - silly, referring to the fact that this is exactly how she considered Nash, who so easily fell for her "game of love" with him.

Despite everything, not all so clear there. On the one hand, she was looking for a better life at the expense of men, using them and living not better life if you can say. And on the other hand, although not very well meaning, she gave the child a name and took care of it for a couple of months until she decided to run away. And she ran away without Sally because she knew that the Salamander family had people with a good reputation and funds for child maintenance, even if it will not be Nash then someone else.

I thought maybe when her father got out of Azkaban(little spoiler bu i will not give you more :3) she would meet him and maybe they would try again to live together.

Sally's father won't remember her until she turns 10, because at 11 she would have gone to Hogwarts in theory, so Nash visits the store just to check.

He visited the shop under the guise of a stranger a couple of times, but then loses interest in Sally when she does not enter Hogwarts immediately. He will come to talk to his father Bernard again when he heard how she suddenly became hero of Hogwarts. Bernard wasn't watching news about magic world so he didn't know about it, and Sally wasn't telling him, afraid that he will be too worried. After he pick her up from the train, they will have long, long talk.

Nash will show up again in her 7th year after the incident (that i will write in future).

Therefore, do not be surprised that he is a scum and i don't like him not like person and not like father. I will not try to make him a good person, but there will be some development in his character, and I hope i will manage to do it right.

But one thing i will say for sure, they may not be the most insensitive people, but as parents they are a complete 0.

I'm still leaving a lot of things behind the scenes, because I want to slowly throw a lop on all the characters so that everything grows evenly. I hope you will like to know about my funny girl a little more! Now this is time for some memes :3

I still think it's funny how Sally don't care where her parents because her grandpa ultimate parent for her.

And the thing that Seb maybe slightly but looks similar to her mom. I can see how Maria gets really suspicious towards Seb and put him through trials before approving him as a date for Sally. But he still need to meet Bernard. Good luck Seb!

[turnthemasunder-if]

My Third Interactive Story

Turn Them Asunder is an interactive novel, about a little child's family was murdered by a Lycan seeking vengeance

There are 4 love interest for you to choose from, 2 males and females each with their own past and secrets for you to learn!

(Note: The RO's are not final. I might add more in the near future and that no romance is not a option. Also, I want this novel open as much as possible not restricting itself to the medieval time era or any kind of era. For example, I might put modern music in the novel.)

(Warning: 18+ The story includes the following: Violence, , swears, cliché's, innuendo and many more will be added in the future)

Link: Demo, Discord

Introduction:

It has been too long since that accursed night, too long since you enjoyed your life but the fates have chosen you as their unlucky entertainment.

Everything happened too fast, your parents were tucking you in bed and kissing your forehead goodnight. You feel safe and happy hoping that this will last forever and you dreamed about rainbows and sweets.

Then you eyes fluttered open to the sounds of scream echoing in the night, you rose up from your bed and went to the noise, creeping slowly on the staircase and you can hear fighting and cursing. Then what you saw that night will forever haunt you, your parents is fighting some sort of monstrosity at first you see them winning but the beast got it's second wind and overpowering your parents.

Killing them, rending their flesh and bathing and eating their insides their blood spraying on the walls and onto you but you were to shocked to notice it, to terrified to move and scream when the beast spotted you and planning that you will be their next meal.

The beast grabbed you by the neck and taking a bite of you, a nibble to be exact savoring each taste then that is when they bit you on the neck.

Well that's in the past, today your a hunter a special one of a kind hunter, you were cursed that night and you turned into a beast as well but you were different than the common creature of the night.]

You have their strengths but none of their weaknesses.

The hunt is beginning and you will end their unlife.

You know what they say; "It takes a monster to destroy a monster"

Features

Pick your MC's gender

*Customize your MC's physical appearance.

*Make choices that will affect the story and the people around you.

*Improve your skills.

*Can you find love among the team? Know their story, see what makes them tick. 2 males and 2 females with their own personality and supernatural side.

*Will you follow and embrace the darkness that is festering within you or will you fight against it.

*Battle vampires, werewolfs, ghouls, thralls.

*Oh! A special voice will be talking to Tarnish!

Romance Options:

Maria Torres, A.K.A Spawn {F}

"Size does not equate to performance!"

You’ve never met anyone like her before. She’s a Filipina, a former policewoman who left her homeland in search of a better life. But fate had other plans for her. One night, she heard a commotion taking in a dark alley, and something inside her snapped. She felt a surge of power, a primal instinct to protect the innocent and destroy crime. That was the night you found her, and turned her into one of your own.

She’s not just a woman, she’s a hybrid. A hunter, like you, who prowls the night for evil. Your uncle, the leader of your team, has assigned you to train her and teach her the ways of your kind. It’s not an easy task, but you’re determined to help her adapt and survive.

She’s a paradox, a contradiction. She’s tough and fierce, but also vulnerable and sensitive. She’s sarcastic and rude, but also shy and sweet. She’s small and lean, but also strong and wild. She’s like a irritating puzzle that won't fit in on the board and darn captivating as well, and you can’t help but feel drawn to her.

But she’s also stubborn and independent. She pushes you away at every turn, trying to keep her distance from you. She acts like she doesn’t need you, or anyone else. But when you flirt with her, she blushes and tries to hide her horrible poker and angwy face. You can tell she’s hiding something, something that makes her afraid to let you in.

"Will you be able to break through her walls, or will you fall victim to her feisty attitude? There’s something about Maria that will leave you breathless and curious. Her story is a mystery that you want to solve, and her character is one that you’ll fall in love with or fell in love with her personality."

Charles Tepes, A.K.A Bloodless {M}

Physical Appearance:

"The soulless feeds on humans, while I feast on the vampires dead beating hearts!"

Meet the descendant of Vlad The Impaler himself, a powerful lineage that would make any vampire quake in fear. But despite his ancestry, he is seen as nothing more than a low blood by his fellow vampires. Why, you may ask? It's because his father committed the ultimate sin in the eyes of the Court Of Blood - he fell in love with a human, making his son a Dhampir.

As if that wasn't enough, his family was eradicated for violating the sacred rule of never weakening their line by cavorting with a human. It's no wonder why he's driven by vengeance, wanting to burn and stake those responsible for the trauma that he's suffered. He'll move heaven and earth to avenge the honor and lives of his past family, and nothing will stop him.

But beneath his hardened exterior lies a heart that beats with passion and longing. Can you be the one to reignite that spark, or will you end up on his list of bastards to get staked?

"He's a mysterious and alluring character, one that will leave you with goosebumps and a desire to know more about him. Despite his troubled past, there's something about him that draws you in, making you want to unravel the secrets of his heart. Will you take the chance and fall for this dark and brooding Charles?"

Angel Lustra, A.K.A Ripper {F}

Physical Appearance:

"Top to the morning to yah! Business or pleasure?

As you approach the Legion's resident devil, Angel, you can't help but feel a sense of trepidation. Don't be fooled by the name, for she's no heavenly creature. But as you get closer, you also can't deny the allure that surrounds her. There's something about her that draws you in, despite the danger that seems to emanate from her very being.

Angel is not just any blacksmith - she's the one responsible for developing the weapons of the team. And she takes her job very seriously. Her nickname is not just for show, as she's earned it in the most brutal and satisfying way - by leaving her enemies to rest in pieces.

She's an unhinged and demolition specialist, and she wants every weapon she crafts to make the creatures combust or implode. Her services may be acceptable, but when she's deployed on the battlefield, heads will always roll and blood will run freely.

As you try to court Angel, you can't help but wonder if you'll be able to stay in one piece. Her past suitors have not fared well, and you can still feel the chill that runs down your spine when you think about the gruesome ends they met.

They all ended up as mutilated corpses, or worse, as her personal playthings. But you think you can be different. You think you can tame the beast within her, and make her yours.

"But there's something about Angel that makes you want to take the risk. Her bloodthirsty aura, combined with her deadly skills and sharp wit, is enough to make anyone weak in the knees. Can you resist her dangerous charm and win her heart without losing your own? Angel is a character that will make your heart race and your skin crawl with burning desire or maybe your just burning in flames right now?"

Chase Holland, A.K.A Seeker {M}

Physical Appearance:

"I hope this playfulness of yours is good in bed, yes?"

You’ve always been curious about the Lycan and tracker of the group. He’s a self-proclaimed incubus, a lover of all things living and breathing. He claims it’s his nature, his animal instinct, but you wonder if he’s just hiding behind his lust. He’s a skilled hunter, and he never fails to deliver his target. But he also never misses a chance to seduce anyone who catches his eye. He’s charming, but he’s also reckless.

Despite his sleazy demeanor, there's something dark and intriguing about him. He avoids talking about it, and whenever you try to pry, he distracts you with his compliments. He makes you feel special, but you also know he says the same thing to everyone else.

But as you spend more time with him, you start to see a different side of him. A side that’s deeper, more complex, more genuine. A side that makes you want to know him better, and maybe even love him.

"Will you be able to break through his walls and reach his heart? Or will you be just another notch on his belt? Chase is a character that will make your pulse quicken and your mind wander will limitless possibilities on the topic of love and its sub-topics. Will your love for him blossom into something real and everlasting, or will it be just a dust on the wind?"

[mscyclops]

This is still probably one of my favorite drawings Hfbdh

Basically, I have a pirate AU for the Greys, and since Earl’s Voice Claim is Johnny Depp, ofc he has to be Captain Grey Sparrow; the greatest pirate alive!

But, glory wasn’t the only thing that came with his title. Enemies, pirates and sea beasts alike, share the same desire to end the pirate, and yet only one could truly get to him, for she knew his family was his strength and weakness…

Or something like that- the story was Cala Maria kidnapped the cup kids, Earl got turned into stone trying to save them and he was conveniently only able to save Cuphead and Chalice, so then Coco used her super epic powers to de-stone him and they set off on this epic rescue mission to save Mugman

And then here’s a sad Mug that misses his dad :( I never drew the background lmao

And then Grey Sparrow found him and does an epic escape

Also pls don’t ship Mugman Grey with Cala, he’s a child 😭 in my other AU he refers to Cala as his aunt

[thefrostyknight]

Reading through Mlynar's profile for a comm and it looks like he apologized to/recognized Maria's abilities?

"There has been only one instance of Młynar, Whislash, and Blemishine having a conversation, after Whislash requested a meeting, and it lasted less than ten minutes. Although the details of that conversation are unknown, our Engineering operators told us that Blemishine suddenly seemed much more energetic, as if a weight had been lifted from her heart." and "No need to have Maria come see me. She's not a child anymore, and ought to make her own decisions, lest she embarrass her parents. A knight should temper themselves through travel, and no matter what she does under Rhodes Island's wing, she must always be responsible for her own actions." and then, with his E2 bond: "[An old letter] I don't care, Father. Must knights prove themselves through victory? The men in the arenas never seem more brilliant simply because they manage to maul more of their opponents. Knights should stand with those in distress, those with nothing but the clothes on their backs. This alone I will always believe in. When you stand with the weak, failure is hardly unheard of. Rather than relishing in victory, I would rather believe that the spirit of the knighthood also encompasses the endurance of failure. It's just as our family motto goes, 'Fear neither hardship nor darkness.' " Mlynar opposing Maria joining the Major because his doesn't see the value of a knight earning glory through bloodsport, and Maria fighting to save a fallen noble's house instead of any sort of ideal or those in true distress.

But, through her own hardwork and hardship in Near Light (including fighing both literal and metaphorical darkness) and by Maria joining Rhodes Island and able to travel and learn about the world and aiding the weak (Infected) like a proper knight errant, Mlynar recognizes Maria's own worth as a knight of the Nearl House.

[silliest-donkey]

Even in the earliest hours of the morning, Jackson had a lively neighborhood. The faint sounds of children laughing and facilities opening was paired with the soothing scents of breakfast and wet wood.

The crispy snow crunched softly under the firm pressure of Dina's boots. On her way to the stables, the air was nippy, as twirly snowflakes silently fell all over her hair and clothing, adding new layers to the already frozen ground.

Maria had assigned her a new patrol partner. Of course, to top it all, Dina had no idea what the person looked like. The only information she got was that she would be patrolling with the scariest girl of whole Jackson - if she listened to the rumors. Which was not in her habits. So, she basically knew... nothing at all.

When she entered the stables, you were already there, fully set and ready next to your horse. You were not paired with anyone, and judging by the looks people were giving you, the brunette assumed you were her newly assigned partner.

Oh boy oh boy. C'mon, D. Don't panic. You got this.

"Hey, I'm Dina, but you can call me D. I don't believe we've met before." she stated with a friendly look, holding out her hand, waiting for you to reciprocate the handshake.

As soon as you locked eyes with Dina, the warm hues of her brown pupils pulled you in. Looking at her for the first time felt like drowning into endless pools of honey.

"Maria set me up as your new patrol partner." You softly stated, wrapping your pinky finger onto hers in some sort of a clumsy handshake. You were taken aback by her striking charms.

Dina smirked at your unusual gesture, gently shaking your pinky with her own.

"You must be the sniper I've heard so many people talk about, huh?"

"Positive." You replied, before gently pulling away.

Dina gave you a firm, confident nod. You did not look so bad after all. She held back a snort, suddenly feeling ridiculous for fearing your encounter. She let her gaze linger on your hands - which were barely sticking out of your coat, like a child's. The end of your fingers had turned pink because of the cold weather. You were fidgeting with the reins of your horse, shyly shifting on your feet. You two had just met, but your new colleague was already thinking you were adorable.

Dina cleared her throat before she spoke again, trying to steer the conversation away from her insistent staring.

"Damn, the way people talk about you, I thought I'd meet someone a lot more menacing. They call you the 'Poker-Faced Sniper' around here, after all."

"Huh?"

You stared at her mischevious smile in disbelief. The rumors about you seemed to have taken an uncontrollable toll over your image. Dina's eyes watched you expectantly, waiting for some badass comeback or flexing monologue. Surprisingly, you just stood there like some cartoon character waiting to get a cream pie thrown at their face.

The brunette's playful giggle broke the awkward silence. She moved over next to you, folding her arms.

"They always say one thing about you... She's very beautiful as well." she stated, the softness of her lips crimping into her signature lopsided sneer.

You turned to face her, nonchalantly leaning on your side against the stable's wall.

"Do you find me beautiful?"

Dina's long eyelashes fluttered. For a few seconds, her smirk faltered. There was something with the way you talked that made her feel weak in the knees. Or maybe it was something about how your hair framed your face perfectly when you flipped around to look at her. Or your unwavering gaze. Or...

Fucking hell. What am I doing?

"I find you as beautiful as a wet mop on a Monday morning."

Sweet.

The horses treaded carefully through the deep snow, their powerful steps breaking the stillness of the wintery forest. Snow-dusted pine trees reached their slender arms toward the sky, their branches weighed down by the heavy snowfall. With each exhale, the horses' breath formed plumes of misty vapor, visible against the backdrop of a crystalline blue sky.

You two had cleared the first half of the patrol in complete silence. Ah, wait, you two? Not exactly, no. You had dispatched most of the infected by yourself in a record time. The more it went on, the more Dina had trouble keeping up. You were simply infuriating. Infuriatingly skilled, infuriatingly fast, infuriatingly quiet, infuriatingly efficient...

Infuriatingly pretty.

Dina let out an exasperated sigh as she hurried her horse towards yours. Why was she still thinking about this?

"So, how's the wet mop doing? Pretty good, huh?" you taunted, breaking the silence after two hours of tension.

Dina bit down on her lip, holding back a myriad of curse words. How were you so effortlessly attractive in every damn thing you did?

"...doing more 'pretty' than good" she let out bluntly.

You grinned maliciously at her visibly flustered expression, slowing down your horse so it could ride alongside hers.

"Ha! Are you finally admitting to my irresistible beauty, or are you afraid my stealth game's unmatched?"

"Honey, your beauty was never the question. But if you think your stealth game is so unmatched, why don't you hide your insecurities as well? I can still see them as clear as day."

You never thought you'd hear such harsh words coming from her mouth. You tilted your head to the side. Something was wrong. Neither the lustful look in her eyes or her almost loving tone matched the mean speech she had delivered to your face. But you decided to play along.

"Excuse me?!" you dramatically scoffed, leaning in from your horse, invading her personal space.

Dina let out a low chuckle. She suddenly turned her head to face yours, a wavy strand of her dark, flowy hair dangling over your lips. "Excuse me." she talked back in a sultry voice.

Before you could ask what the hell was she suddenly apologizing for, you felt her hand slowly creep over your thigh as your horses walked next to eachother. She palmed the inner corner of your leg which was shaking back and forth on the side of your saddle, her cold fingers getting dangerously close to your crotch.

"What the fuck?" you managed to mutter, completely taken aback by the wild switch-up in her behavior. One second she was roasting your whole family tree, the next she was hitting on you.

You felt your breath hitch as she leaned in closer, her cupid's bow teasing the lobe of your ear.

"People in town say a lot about you. They say...you reject all the boys. Is that true?"

The familiar, blood curling sound of infected screeches came from the building across the path, breaking the moment. Dina instantly fixed her posture on her saddle, taking out her gun in a swift move.

"Let's get this over with."

Your feisty patrol partner galloped away, her bun untying in the process. As she passed right beside you, your nostrils caught a warm vanilla flavor, before a brutal ponytail slap on the face pulled you out of your daydreaming. You cursed under your breath. This woman was really going to be the death of you.

"Four runners - on your left!"

"On it, D."

Dina had gotten used to your pace after taking a closer look to your moving patterns and strategies. Now she felt more at ease. When you were actually in sync, you two made a pretty great team, to say the least. After she was done covering her part, she moved back to your side.

Dina watched in awe as you deftly wielded your blade, each movement precise and deadly. The steel glinted in the dim light, reflecting the sharpness and focus of its handler at each firm stab.

Suddenly, a creaking sound alerted her ears. It didn't take her much time to realize the tiles under your feet would be soon collapsing. Dina shoved you away only a few seconds before a good half of the floor tumbled down over itself. She reached out to pull you close in a tight, reassuring embrace, enveloping you in a securing veil of softness. Her fingers gripped onto you, firm yet gentle, as she held you close, your hearts racing in unison.

You both let out a deep exhale you didn't know you were holding. Maybe it was the stress of the busy patrol you two had just completed, or the fact that this building was unsafe even after clearing it out because it was crumbling down in ruins and decay. Maybe it was simply the cold that made you two crave for the warmth of someone else's body.

But neither you, nor Dina, wanted to pull away from the unexpected embrace. Actually, maybe, just maybe, you two had grown to like each other.

The brunette felt your body turn around, your arms encircling her waist. She let you bury your head into her chest, and slowly stroked your hair with one hand.

"There there. You're fine. I'm here. It's over, you're safe."

Her other hand drew slow, soothing circles around your back. As she tightened her grip around you, her signature vanilla-like scent enveloped you like a comforting blanket. The soft curves of her frame clicked perfectly into yours, as if your bodies were designed to fit against one another.

You couldn't remember how long it was since you had received a compassionate hug like this. Or just a simple hug in general. It had also been a long time since someone had actually, genuinely cared about you the way Dina did just now. No, wait, actually, it never even happened in your life before. No one had done it like her. No one could do it the way she does.

You have been stuck in some kind of uneasy mood these days. You were the "if anyone gives me a hug right now I'm probably gonna cry" type.

You let a few tears run down your face, praying they would go unnoticed.

"Dina..."

Your shaky voice caught her attention immediately.

"Yeah?" she replied with a gentle tone, looking at your face which was buried into her coat with caring eyes.

"...nothing. I just wanted to say your name. It's...comforting. I like it. I like you." you mumbled, your voice vibrating against her chest.

Such genuine, sweet words made Dina's heart flutter.

"Anyway, pretty sure we're done." you muttered, gently pulling away to walk towards the exit of the building.

Your patrol partner followed you. She noticed smudged tear stains over the fabric of her coat. She chose not to comment on it - but she needed to do something about it. She needed to find something, anything that could make you smile. No matter how stupid she was going to look, she needed to do it for you.

Just when you were about to mount your horse, she held you back.

"Not so fast."

You turned around to face her shy lopsided smile. She gently tugged on your sleeve.

"There's something I want to show you before we leave..."

"So that's it, huh? Just...silly little flowers?"

Dina playfully shoved your arm. "Ah, c'mon! Quit being so grumpy and admit it's cute. You don't usually see flowers in winter, especially not blooming out of snow, do you?"

You burst out laughing while your patrol partner was eyeing you up with a sheepish expression.

"These are called...snow drops. They usually bloom when spring is coming. And what makes them so special is that nothing can stop them from coming out of the ground, even if it means poking out of layers of snow."

You nodded in stunned silence, impressed by Dina's knowledge. Deep down, you knew you admired her for more than just that, still, you thought she probably didn't want compliments from a 'wet mop'. Before you could open your mouth to call her a nerd, she stopped in her tracks right in front of you, turning around. Her hair had completely come undone by now, cascading down her shoulders, perfectly complimenting her face which was tinted by a natural blush from the blizzard. When her eyes met yours, they lit up instantly, their familiar brown tint almost turning to gold.

Your hands intertwined together. You felt Dina's shaky fingers give yours a gentle squeeze, before her voice resonated once more through the chilly air.

"You know... you're just like a snow drop to me. You're someone people look up to. You're someone we think about when we have better days in mind. And I'm not just talking about your contribution to Jackson's community, I- I'm not close to you, but the more I spend time with you, the more I realize just how special you are - how much you come out of the snow."

Your eyes widened.

No one had ever said such words to you. You simply stood there, trying to process how wholesome that just was.

Meanwhile, your patrol partner's gaze darted to the ground. She was visibly panicking - yes, she had planned this, but she had unintentionally poured her whole heart into it. She muttered in defeat.

"...sorry...that was stupid...I shouldn't have-"

"C'mere." you cut her off as you sat down on a massive log, patting the spot next to you.

The brunette did as she was asked. Her brown pupils dilated as they met yours, trapping you in a velvet-like embrace. You contemplated the best way to reply to her sudden compliment. There were so many things flashing through your mind, so many words you wanted to say to her. The two of you stared at each other in silence for a few moments, lost in infatuation.

"You still haven't replied to my question." Dina's eager voice broke the silence.

You raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I asked you... is it true that you reject all the boys who hit on you?" she carefully chose her words.

You tilted your head towards hers, leaning in closer. "Why would I accept any dude when girls like you, with the prettiest eyes, who care deeply for me, exist, and are able to magically solve my trust issues first patrol?"

You could see the face of your colleague progressively reach a redder tint, her lips parted in surprise at your praise. She let out an awkward chuckle, clearly taken aback. But you did not stop. You couldn't. You felt almost angry at her for not realizing.

"No man on this damn, doomed planet will ever be able to hug me like you did earlier or offer to me beautiful, heartfelt words like comparing my persona to snow drop flowers in such a poetic manner! No one could ever compete with you, and those eyes, and- and your overwhelming capacity of making people at ease, and-and-"

The brunette unexpectedly cut you off. It was obvious she was trying her best to keep a straight face, but her voice was edged with a hopeless bitterness.

"Come on, you really didn't know guys thought you were good-looking? You're pretty popular, you could have anyone you want. They talk about you like you're a greek goddess or something."

This was it. You let out a frustrated sigh, glaring at her as if she had started a fire. Well, considering the one that was progressively taking over your heart, she probably did.

"The only, greek goddess. I. want to hear about. Is. You."

Dina's smirk widened at your mad response. She loved the sight of anger and passion mixing up in your eyes.

She then looked at you for a moment before she spoke.

"Although, we could be goddesses together. We would make a pretty greek statue, all in white and drapes-"

"Ha! Me, a greek goddess? I'd rather have you consider me as the devil" You cut her off. You felt so done with her bullshitting, constant teasing, beating around a damn nonexistent bush you'd pull out of the ground in a second.

Dina giggled, visibly satisfied she had successfully made you as enraged as a pitbull. She spoke again, in a warmer, seductive tone.

"Oh come on, you can't be the devil. You're too... pretty for that."

Her hand sneaked her way on your thigh for the second time of the day. You weren't usually a religious person, but you felt like you were gonna need to start praying the gods to give you the strenght to hold back from kissing her until she choked on her own breath.

You gaze darkened.

"You never know."

"Maybe I want to know"

Five words. Five simple words - whispered, murmured, muttered, exhaled....no, pleaded from her inviting lips.

You were gonna ruin that pretty greek statue, right fucking now. The gods could go screw themselves.

Your mouths met forcefully, teeth clashing together in a fierce, almost ballistic collision. It was a rush for passion and desire, lips smashed together in a messy, frenzied exchange. Tongues all tangled and wrestling for dominance, each trying to claim the other through a heated, savage kiss. Possessive hands roaming restlessly, claiming, touching, pressing closer as the kiss grew more ferocious, the taste of each other like a flame that burned harder, and hotter, boiling at the spot any snowflake which dared to get closer.

You found yourselves surrounded by a swirling white veil that dampened the sounds of your surroundings. Your hungry breaths, hot against the cold air, puffed around your tangled bodies in misty clouds as your lips melted together. Oh, it was far from a gentle touch, nowhere near a mere brush of the lips like the softest snowfall. All of the built-up desire, pent up like a gathering storm, overwhelmed your senses.

The chilly ice no longer seemed to matter. You two were lost in each other, waves of heat pooling between your thighs building like the fervor of a blizzard raging through them. Dina's hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer - if it was even possible anymore - lips and tongues sparring in a fiery exchange that set your blood ablaze against the frozen weather.

When you two pulled away, it felt like the whole world was spinning.

The sight of Dina resting her hands behind her back over the log you two were sitting on, dark, wavy strands of hair falling all over her face and shoulders, shaky exhales sending heated clouds through the winter air - it made you feel weak in the knees.

Speaking of knees, you found yourself dropping to them on the ground between her thighs. You felt the same sneaky hands which had teased you so much hours earlier press your shoulders down.

"My... little... snow drop."

Dina's voice had grown huskier because of the laboring breaths she was taking. You felt your whole body tense up at her tantalizing words. You were completely doomed - as if possessed by the relentless fire her bittersweet chuckles and smirks had ignited within you. A blunt sentence fell out of your mouth before you could even process it.

"Dina, I need you so bad, I really don't think I can wait for the ride back to Jackson-"

"Shh-shh." her hands went from your shoulders to your cheeks, caressing them almost like a pet's. You leaned into her touch, as you felt your head getting cloudier each second.

"It's all your fault for beating around the bush...you're driving me crazy..." you groaned against her thumbs which were softly tracing your lower lip.

"Hmm, I'm glad. Trust me, I definitely wasn't beating around the bush... I just wanted to hear you say it out loud."

You suddenly removed your coat, and put it over her lap. Before Dina could even register what was happening, her pants and underwear were slipped down to her boots. Shivers ran down her spine as the freezing air hit her bare skin under the fabric of the piece of clothing you were holding over her thighs.

"Whoa-"

"There are things I want to hear you say out loud too." you cut her off, talking in between subtle kisses you planted all over her ghoosebumps. "Very...specific sounds, in particular."

Dina whimpered shakily as your lips worshipped her thighs, planting a trail of heat over her cold skin. Her heart was racing from how forward you were being. She nodded, letting out a breathless and flustered response.

“Fine. Go ahead, sweetheart, you can try. Make me feel good.” she demanded, wrapping her legs around your head to pull you closer to her aching core.

Your own lips quivered in sync with hers - down there. You were quite literally french kissing her slippery folds right after french kissing her mouth, and you were far from complaining.

Dina quickly lost her breath at this maddening tongue action, letting out a strangled moan, her trembling fingers tangling into your hair. Her mind was going blank from the sensations.

"That's it...just like that...lap it all up, babe." the needy commands she whispered occasionally between her moans only fueled your thirst for her godly pussy.

Two of your fingers teased their way from her labia to her throbbing clit, as you kept licking and tasting and devouring, furiously eager. You could feel her vagina clenching all around your tongue, each desperate pulse marked by the most precious gasps you had ever heard.

You pulled away, admiring the sight of Dina slowly coming undone before your blessed eyes. The view you had on your patrol partner's figure, from under her, made her look like a goddess descending from the sweetest of heaven's gardens, sun rays reflecting a halo from the snowy landscape around her.

"Holy...Dina, you're so fucking perfect-"

Her thighs almost instantly squeezed your neck, forcefully shoving your face right back into her dripping cunt. The last thing you saw was her parting her lips, those very lips that could both degrade and praise you in such lengths you went crazy over them in the span of one single patrol.

Her commanding tone left no room for negotiation.

"Oh, honey. You're not stopping until I say so."

[masterlist]