#marcus has no mercy for random 13-year-olds

[crayonverse]

some rando at Daniel’s school: you look stupid

Daniel; take it back. take it back now

Rando: why? upset?? lol

Daniel, extremely panicked: this is for your safety takeitbacktakeitback

[borisbubbles]

01. LITHUANIA

Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old” 12th place

After six, long arduous months, this ranking somehow outlived the entire Almaia relationship, and that alone should be reason enough to finish the ranking immediately, but the the upcoming ban of all nfsw stuff (/porn) from this website will also cause a homosexual exodus (homosexodus? 🤔), sooooo, definitely time to finish this ranking before I lose 85% of my current audience. 

Look, listen OKAY, just like how I naturally gravitate towards Lea Sirk’s sass and Elina’s pristineness and DoReDoS’s hilarious whateverthatwas, I was simply never *not* going to like a Lithuanian frumpy space princess and annointed HINDU with a voice more brittle than Theresa May’s position in the House of Commons, whose meditation rites include drinking a cup of boiling water (without the tea! just water) on a daily basis to *purify* her mind and soul. Okay the last MAY be an exaggeration on the behalf of the Flemish commentator (Peter Van de Veire is a known jokester), but then again, I can totally see Ieva telling this to random bystanders in her hotel lobby? Such oblivious, but well-meaning wackiness is just so Ieva SassyMouseKyte. 

Naturally, one MASSIVE part of my Ieva stanning is JUST her personality, which is both intensely kooky and disarmingly innocent, see above. Another example: Ieva serenly sliding off the stage during the semifinal, only to find the nearest camera and exclaim  ”I FELT THE PRESENCE OF *GODS* ON THE STAGE WHILE I WAS SINGING ^__^ I FEEL *ENLIGHTENED* 🤗🤗” llke she was Siddharta Gautama under the Bodhi tree <3 I am no a religious man but if Ieva said the stage was brightened with a non-descript Eastern Deity’s presence during the performance, who am I to refute it? 😁 

Gods or no gods, I will say that it took a *serious* amount of dharma to give us *the most unexpected gift* we’ve ever could’ve been granted, which is a COMPETENT EUROVISION ENTRY FOR LITHUANIA. In terms of Eurovision, Lithuania are amongst of the objective *worst* on a  terrifyingly consistent basis and here you have a fairly pleasant Ellie Goulding-inspired, frumpolicious Hindu cleric bringing a ballad about the inevitability of high medieval alliance pacts. Let’s Sing The Song That She Wrote:

Actually that’s selling the act a bit short, because for a brief moment, Ieva managed to transform her moment during the sheer INSANITY that was this year’s finale (well the sheer insanity streaked with horrifying, terrible, machinal dullness, not naming any names but *cough*austriaandaustralia*cough), into an oasis of *pure show-stopping sentiment* and that’s a powerful feat to accomplish for a Eurovision entry. Normally, you think such an entry would Blackbird itself into oblivion but as Ieva had prophetically declared, GOD WAS ON HER SIDE, AMEN, so nope, think again Christerifer Morningstar 😈

Speaking of, praise Hallellujah, Oh Glory and Mazzel-Motherfucking-Tov that Ieva qualified under the hilarity that is the current combined voting system (to those who still hate it, AISEL would’ve qualified under the old system despite being 12th in both jury and televote 🙃 Granted this would be funny if this had happened to Sennek or Ari or Eye Cue or basically anyone other than Aisel, but it didn’t so The Old System remains CANCELLED, s/n/s) because not only is Ieva an Elyon Goddess Moste High, and has the unique quality of being a Good Entry from Lithuania, “When We’re Old” is also... fucking awesome in itself?

 “When we’re old” is *not* your typical BorisBubbles fave on the surface (lol as if I can expect you to know what a typical Boris fave is after only two full rankings  on tumblr 😬), but it totally is? Ieva hits that personal sweet spot for me that I require from my faves: Quirky, but not overbearingly weird. Well-liked, but not liked *enough* to top every post-show list. Sentimental, but because her emotions are *real*, not because of some forced commercialized acting gig. (such as, um, fucking Rona Nishliu and her fake-as-fuck dry sobbing ugh die bitch! (k not literally, just musically, 5ever)). Also, this song makes me want to sing along like the soft ass fag that I am. “When Weeeeeeeeee’re OWLED Hooooooooooooooo!!!” All of this cements Ieva as a dark horse, an underdog and an eternal outsider and these are  the *specific*  type of entries that I started this blog for.   

I guess I should write a bit more, with more *sass and pizzazz*, but that’s basically my Ieva love in a nutshell! I think she’s an utter gem, both as a human and a Eurovision participant, “When We’re Old” *still* remains the only entry this year to give me *emotional attachment* in the form of shivers and near-tears and bad impromptu karaoke.  If you don’t think she’s all that, well that’s your loss, not sorry! She made the final through the good graces of Hare Krishna and did better than Jessi*can’t* and *No*lexander ! If I get a relationship, I want it be precisely like Ieva and her Hubbo’s. GET A LIFE!!

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN OF EUROVISION 2018

Thank you for reading this ranking, it’s been a blast! See you on the 1st of April 2019 for the #TelAviv2019 preshow ranking. God bless you and shalom! 

EUROVISION 2018 - POST SHOW

01. Lithuania (Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old”) 02. Moldova (DoReDoS - “My Lucky Day”)

03. Estonia (Elina Nechayeva - “La Forza”)

04. Slovenia (Lea Sirk - “Hvala, ne!”)

05. Switzerland (ZiBBZ - “Stones”)

06. Germany (Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone”)

07. Albania (Eugent Bushpepa - “Mall”)

08. France (Madame Monsieur - “Mercy”)

09. Hungary (AWS - “Viszlát nyár”)

10. Finland (Saara Aalto - “Monsters”)

11. Bulgaria (EQUINOX - “Bones”)

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente”)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We got love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Jozef - “Lie to me”)

HALL OF BORIS BUBBLES EUROVISION FAVES (1972-2018) 1972: the Netherlands (Sandra & Andres - “Als het om de liefde gaat”) 1973: United Kingdom (Cliff Richard - “Power to all our friends”) 1974: Sweden (ABBA - “Waterloo”) (ed: totally by default btw. Shit year.) 1975: Germany (Joy Fleming - “Ein Lied kann Eine Brücke Sein” )  1976: Luxembourg (Jürgen Marcus - “Chansons pour ceux qui s’aiment”) (😂) 1977: Belgium (Dream Express - “A million in 1-2-3″) (ed.: top five ESC year) 1978: Israel (Izhar Cohen & Alfabeta - “A Ba Ni Bi”) 1979: Germany (Dschinghis Khan - “Dschinghis Khan”) 1980: Luxembourg (Sofie & Magaly - “Papa Pingouïn”) 1981: Belgium - (Emly Starr - “Samson”) 1982: Germany - (Nicole - “Ein Bißchen Frieden”) 1983: Israel (Ofra Haza - “Hi”) 1984: Ireland (Linda Martin - “Terminal 3″) 1985: Turkey (MFÖ - “Didai, Didai, Dai”) 1986: Belgium (Sandra Kim - ”J’aime la vie”) (même si c’est une folie!) 1987: Belgium (Liliane St. Pierre - “Soldiers of Love”) (ed.: top Five esc entry) 1988: Switzerland (Céline Dion - “Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi”) 1989: Denmark ( Birthe Kjær -  "Vi maler byen rød") 1990: Yugoslavia/Croatia (Tajci - “Hajde, da ludujemo) 1991: Sweden (Carola -  “ Fångad av en stormvind”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 1992: Denmark (Lotte Nilsson & Kenny Lübcke - “Allting som ingen ser”) 1993: the Netherlands (Ruth Jacott - “Vrede”) 1994: Germany (MeKaDo  - “Wir geben ‘ne Party”) 1995: Cyprus (Alexandros Panayi - “Sti fotia”) 1996:  Croatia (Maja Blagdan - “Sveta ljubav”) 1997: Poland (Anne-Marie Jopek - “Ale jestem”) (ed.: Top five ESC year) 1998: the Netherlands (Edsilia Rombley - “Hemel en aarde”) (I think???? lol 😬) 1999: Croatia (Doris Dragovic - “MARIJA MAGDALENAAAAAAA”) 2000: Latvia (Brainstorm - “My Star”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 2001: France (Natasha St. Pier - “Je n’ai que mon âme”) (but also, nobody) 2002: Spain (Rosa - “Yooropz leebin a selebrayshun”) (ed.: this trashfest <3) 2003: Germany (Lou - “Let’s get happy”) (and let’s be GAY!) 2004: Albania (Anjeza Shahini - “Image of you”) 2005: Romania (Luminita Anghel and Sistem - “Let me try”) (Ed.: top five year) 2006: Iceland (Silvia Night - “Congratulations”) (ed.: 2006 SF > 2006 GF 😬)   2007: Georgia (Sopho - “Visionary Dream”) (ed.: i have about 9 absofaves from this year though lol) 2008: Iceland (Euroband - “This is my life) 2009: Iceland (Yohanna - “Is it true?”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 2010: Albania (Juliana Pasha - “It’s all about you”) 2011: Germany (Lena - “Taken by a stranger) (ed.: top 5 entry, bottom 5 year >_<) 2012: Sweden (Loreen - “Euphoria”) (ed.: as with ABBA Loreen wins my ranking by default because this year is mostly rubbish.) 2013: Greece (Koza Mostra - “Alcohol is free”) (ed.: personal fave ESC year :)) 2014: Slovenia (Tinkara Kovac ft. Lea Sirk - “Round and round) (ed.: top five ESC year) 2015: Latvia (Aminata - “Love Injected”)  2016: Armenia (Iveta Mukuchyan - “LoveWave) 2017: Belgium (Blanche - “City Lights”) 2018: Lithuania (Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old”) (ooooohhhhhhhh)