#marco can be so angsty. yet so soft

[buff-muffin]

I feel like as a fandom Marco has some missed potential. like, Oda has a LOT of characters to get through it makes sense Marco doesn't get much of a spotlight. and I know power scalers love to throw him around. But like there is a CRIMINAL lack of good brother Marco content. In current times, before Thatch passed or even back when Roger was around. Marco is genuinely so interesting though he kinda just gets turned into a grump in most fics, keeping things straight. and I'm sorry the BIRD HEADCANONS YOU CAN PLAY WITH??? let me see this man genuinely take care of the crew and hang out with them let him SMILE PLEASE. SOMEONE LET HIM SMILE

[hawkland]

(Mostly) Destiel Fic Recs #5

This is a LONG recs post because it’s been a while since I did an update and I fell hard into reading one author’s work (DeanRH). In fact I could easily do a rec post just of their fics alone, but for this round I’m just going to pick out a handful of my absolute favorites so far, the ones I’d recommend to start out with, along with more other authors’ works I’ve especially enjoyed lately.

Absolution at the Five-and-Dime by DeanRH (125k)  - this is perhaps THEE DeanRH fic to start with if you want a good, long read with a little bit of everything (Roadtrips! Intriguing casefic! Americana! Tasty Dean/Cas pining! Wing!kink and unique angel lore! Kinky soul fisting and tentacles!) It’s kind of two of parallel stories in one: the first, a flashback to Dean and Sam's first year hunting on their own (as well as trying to avoid hunting, and John in general); the second on how Dean and Cas finally get together during an unusual case and when Dean is able to really let go of his past trauma and accept himself/accept love from Cas. 

What I love about DeanRH’s work is that they write from the unique point of view of a drifter, so they understand living on the road, traveling place to place, and the highs and lows of that life like no others I’ve encountered in SPN before. (The author’s notes are often as much fun to read as the stories themselves). They also write a kickass angel!Cas and never lose sight of his non-human traits and background. Their writing style is unique - almost poetic in nature, and I know some readers have found it difficult to get into. But it works really well for me in their SPN fic...gives it the flavor of oral story telling as might actually happen at a drifter’s camp (with one story written exactly as such). Be warned this particular fic does play up the idea of John Winchester being mentally abusive and Dean having to turn tricks when he was younger in order to support him and Sam, so there is some dark stuff. But as someone who grew up with mentally abusive parent, reading this was extremely cathartic to me and believably written (unlike some stories that go too over the top with abusive John, or just don't understand how that kind of abuse leaves lifetime psychological scars.)

The rest of this round’s recs below the cut.

Carnevale by DeanRH (18k) - Actually the first fic by this author I read, because I just couldn’t resist a story set in my favorite place in the world, Venice, Italy. Castiel is the Angel of Venice, banished there for so long he does not even know or remember the reasons why. But Carnevale season is the one time a year he can let his wings out - figuratively and literally. And during this particular Carnevale season, he meets an intriguing masked young American tourist there with his brother and their one night stand turns into something far more powerful than either expected. This one’s hot, romantic, and achingly sad at the end as it all ties together unexpectedly with canon-verse...though with a hint for the future so it’s definitely not totally sad. I loved how DeanRH clearly understands Venice as a fellow lover of the city, the side of it most tourists never see unless they spend a long time there. This story made me cry just from wanting to be back in Venice again.

Ice cream was sweeter, food more satisfying, everything was an epicurean delight. There was just something magical about Venice, and he had lived here in the city for hundreds of years, so the shine should have worn off by now.

But it didn't, and there was always something more, something wonderful to discover around the next corner. The painted eaves of a church. The beauty of two women dancing with flowers in their teeth across the Piazza San Marco one day, overcome by the sheer joy of just being there. The way the university students still created Venetian masks, like Castiel's extravagant volto mask and Dean's humble servetta muta, with crafts that had been handed down across the generations. The morning silence that lay against the stones.

Hard Landing by DeanRH (26.9k) - A bit similar in theme to Carnevale. A pre-series Dean and Sam are sight-seeing in Spain when an angel, struck by a babel-spell, crash lands right in front of Dean. A strange yet seriously hot encounter with the angel turns into something much more complicated when the brothers return home and realize something more serious is afoot and they are both trapped in the middle of it. This is another story where things are very much not as they seem at first (as fun as that is!) It features master strategist Cas at his best, with a side helping of delightful trickery care of Gabriel and Balthazar as they deal with Lucifer, Michael...and a few others along the way.

The Sacred Band of Thebes by DeanRH (14.5k) - The last DeanRH fic I’m gonna allow myself to include in this round up, because it’s just very soft and sweet and beautiful - for a story about Dean & Cas being magically transported back in time to ancient Sparta! This is another story infused with a great knowledge of place and history, with some wonderfully delightful original characters added in that make it all the more enjoyable to read.

And now on to some other authors, I promise!

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT by emmbrancsxx0 (56k). A really wonderful fic that take a different look at what might have happened with a temporarily resurrected John Winchester during Season 14. Dean & Cas are in an established relationship here, and John here isn’t too happy about it — though mostly because he sees Cas (and Jack) as monsters, the kind of monsters he spent his lifetime hunting. This is a great fic for the emotional complexity of how John, Dean and Cas are all handled. John isn’t a cardboard evil dad, Dean is struggling between his loyalty to his father and to Cas, and Cas is increasingly bitchy/frustrated at Dean still being so desperate for his father’s approval (and all the more complex for not just being a quietly suffering perfect supporting boyfriend.) There’s some great action sequences in this too along with the emotional angst and a delicious dose of hurt!Cas if that’s your thing (as it is for me :D)

Abrenuntio by Neonbat (51k). A very dark but compelling AU take on the/a apocalypse universe. Dean, Sam and John are all alive in this post-angel war-apocalyptic world. They are part of a group of human survivors fighting against the angel army when they manage to capture “Blue” — a particularly feared angel of death. Dean is tasked with bringing Blue in for interrogation and he becomes a prisoner in their camp after John is killed. As mentioned, this is a pretty dark/sad fic (with some rather gruesome torture scenes) but I still found it quite compelling as a look at how things could have gone in some other parallel universe. And somehow the author manages to make the Dean/Cas relationship come together despite them starting out as complete enemies. This is one of those AUs that works for me because the core of the characters really shine through despite the differences in the setting.

if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee (37k) - a gorgeous post-Empty rescue fic that takes an approach I haven’t really seen explored in detail before (despite being something I’ve actually thought about as something that could’ve happened.) What if Cas has spent so long denying himself happiness, and then trapped in regrets and false-rescue scenarios created by the Empty, that he can’t trust that his rescue is real? And so he runs off to be on his own - literally stealing the Impala because he can’t handle being in Dean’s presence one moment longer - and only slowly comes to terms with the idea that it’s over now and he can be happy with/around his friends and family. This one’s both deliciously angsty and at times funny/sweet, looking at Cas’s relationships not just with Dean but with Sam, Jack, Claire, even Eileen. It does some fun stuff with other returned angels and demons who now find themselves back on Earth (and human), and...I just really enjoyed this one a lot.

Both Saved and Lost by angelfishofthelord (13.7k) Gen Cas character study, absolutely gorgeous and sad and one of those fic I couldn’t stop thinking about the day after reading it. AU where Apocaverse!Cas isn’t immediately killed by our Cas during 13x22 but instead hitches a ride back to the main ‘verse. Dean and Sam want to keep him alive for information on Michael; Cas is torn and trying to figure out just how similar—or different—they really are. Some great angel stuff here (I also highly recommend this author’s Jack & Cas “dadstiel” fics, they’re equally lovely and heartbreaking at the same time.)

flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k) - THEE ��What exactly did Dean eat in Purgatory, anyway?” fic you’ve probably already heard about. *cough* I’ve been trying to work up the courage to read this one for a while and finally gave in and OH MY CHUCK I’m so glad I did. It’s perversely disturbing and beautiful at the same time, Cas is wonderfully DERANGED and ALIEN in that way that I love it when fics managed to convey just how much angels are NOT human. Do heed the tags.

Full of Grace by ilovehowyouletmefall (11k) - Another one for the weird-as-fuck-angel!Cas lovers’ list. Heaven/canon-compliant fic where Dean knows he should feel happy and at peace but he just...isn’t, even with Cas and all of his friends and family there. He finally goes looking for Cas when he’s been absent for a time and, for the first time, gets to not just see but experience his true form. Another one that hits some kinks I knew I had and others I didn’t...until now. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

don't ask me where i've been by saltwound / @1x06 (8k) - I can never resist a good 09x06 fiction gap fic! What makes this one really stand out is how well it captures Cas’s internal voice - his struggles adapting to human senses, limitations and emotions versus what/how he experienced things as an angel. The longing and feelings between Dean & Cas here are so achingly beautiful and I just wanted to cry when Cas says he misses hearing Dean’s prayers, so Dean, he...oh, I’m not going to spoil it. *happy sigh* Just read it.

this room is wrong by DarkHeartInTheSky (12k) - Sometimes I like torturing myself with some good 15x03 divorce arc angst and this fic hit that button just so. It’s an alternative take on where Cas might have ended up after leaving the bunker and features some great Cas & Sam friendship feels, when Sam sets out to try to bring Cas home. It’s all the stuff you’d wish the writers would’ve let them talk out in canon.

Well that’s more than enough for this round! Go forth, read and give some great writers some kudos & comment love!

[husbandograveyard]

✨ I'm hella curious, my side is skys-op-imagines

 Hi love! I know you mentioned the imagines blog but I kind of wanted to give your art a little love too so I did both! (I hope you don’t mind)  (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Okay, so in less detail, cause it is uncalled for BUT 

I love the Mermay pieces cause I am A SUCKER for merpeople AUs Kid and Marco were my faves probably! And then I want to sprinkle some love on your expression practise, the drawing of the bestest bois and OF COURSE I could never ever leave out Sailor Shanks, which may be my absolute favourite!

ONTO THE FANFICS!  (I have to admit I still need to properly check out your entire masterlist, but this was an excellent opportunity to go through a whole lot already, and I got to re-read some faves UwU) 

1- Kid & Killer with abused s/o   I am a sucker for that angst. You can pry my love for angst out of my cold dead hands! And I loved how you balanced the angsty anger part and the soff comfort of the bois! 

2. Dating HC for Shanks, Ace and Luffy: Two of my favorite husbands and one precious precious baby, what is there not to love? I just am a sucker for any and all Shanks content and you do it well! 

3. Kid’s cure to boredom! Fluffy summer fun, the tulips need to be watered sometime! Fluff with a touch of humor, exactly how I like my bratty Kid to be.

4. Poly Marco / Ace HC - Like I said before, this combination really just butters my eggrolls, I just love the relationship dynamic and it would work so well. I’d die in between 2 flamey men, but it’s a sacrifice I must be willing to make. 

5. I love any Sabo content really, but this one is my favorite of yours! Another soft yet feral flamey boy and I love the hilarious yet lighthearted accuracy of this one! 

Creators! send me ✨ + your creations tag & I’ll answer with my top five favorite edits/fanarts/fanfics/... of yours! (Ill go sleep in a bit, and Ill keep my askbox open for stars until I wake up tomorrow! Let’s spread some love!)

[leviathiane]

Fic Rec Friday - One Piece (SFW)

I am going to make this a thing. Even if its just me and like 3 people see it lol 

Ao3 Edition!

The Wanderer (MaiKusakabe) - Marco isn’t the firstmate of the Whitebeards. He’s never even met them, actually– he’s not even a pirate. But Whitebeard wants him to be one. Badly. // High Contender for my Favorite OP fic I’ve read out of all of them. Im just weak in the knees for reluctant/In-denial!Marco and the entire crew trying to reach out to their (future) eldest brother. Also has Immortal!Marco implications and im LIVING for it

Being Human (MaiKusakabe) - Slave!Marco gets taken in by Whitebeard // Listen yall know im gay for Marco-centric angst but this one really takes me by the lapels and shakes me to pieces ok i am laid low 

To Build a Home (endlessblankpages) - ASL pirates get recruited (read: kidnapped) by the Whitebeards as an apology for a misunderstanding and it All Spirals From There // Very well put together, and Completed! Incredible found-family affection and fondness, som brotherly angst, All Good All Good. 

wish by spirit and if by yes (midnightluck) - Sabo has his memories. A series of shenanigans of him and Ace just trying to take care of each other even with all their chaos and distance, with the Whitebeards and Koala as unwitting audience. // The exasperation and family affection got me fucked all the way up. Midnightluck consistently has my favorite characterization of Sabo out of everything I’ve read. 

Clipped Wings (Beyond_Kailani) - Sabo gives up everything, as long as it means his brother’s live freely. Away from his parents. // Angsty and INCREDIBLE found family trope usage. The mental struggle to do what Sabo thinks is necessary to survive vs live his life freely is A+

Trapped in Eternity (Skyleaf19) - Ace is stuck in a long term time loop and his mental health is really, really suffering from it. // this is an angst MELTING POT and i love it. It recently updated off of hiatus but im so excited about it i literally cant focus enough to read it adefsgrth LOTS of the whitebeards trying to help Ace and Ace struggling to pretend he hates them. fantastic. *chef’s kiss* 

Living Dreams (Maikusakabe) - Canon-timeline!Marco wakes up two years in the past. Before Whitebeard died. Before Ace died. Before Thatch died. He doesnt handle it well. // I dont even know where to start this is a bundle of some of my favorite tropes in one completed fic. The angst, the disbelief, the denial– it’s perfect. I’m in love

Inanition (Taizi) - small fic about how Luffy’s body works differently than his crewmates. // Short, and yet I keep coming back to it. It’s unebelievably sweet, and the tension of things left unsaid and suppressed anger out of worry is incredible.

Beginning the Next Dream (RikoJasmine) - Future!Luffy gets reborn as his own uncle, Garp’s kid and Dragon’s little brother. This changes a lot, esp. the ASL future. // Its still sort of in the beginning and already has 50k and my Heart I s2g every chapter i see updated makes me have to take a moment to calm down before I read it. Really worth the read. Very soft and sweet with the family vibes, and Luffy is a Hysterically overpowered child with haki. 

Guardian (Petiteneko) - Zoro’s POV for pre-post Dressrosa, and how Law slowly, quietly works through his frankly suicidal revenge plan. Includes lulaw // Im weak for outsider!POV mental health and trauma fics. That’s really all you need to know tbh

Acclimating (Justira) - Luffy may be the outspokenly crazy one, but he hand-picked his crew and the rest of the Strawhats are just as on his bullshit despite what they say. Law is struggling through a very nosy crew. // Similar to the fic above, Law trying to leave himself to his own self-harming tendencies and the Strawhats collectively having None Of It. 

Lionheart (cyan96) - Past!Law and Corazon get dumped into canon-timeline!Law’s submarine after a devil fruit incident. Trauma everywhere. // Manages to be funny and heartbreaking at exactly the same time! Lots of deeply buried trauma manifested suddenly and overwhelmingly. Incredible. 

The Games (Stormy1x2) - Humorous little fic about the Whitebeard’s participating in a sort of public-sport game, in which Ace volunteers and has a great time throwing shenanigans everywhere. // very cute!! another outsider!POV type as its in Marco’s POV while Ace runs around and is just excited and adorable. 

Older Brother’s Insight (Abyssal_one) - short fic about Older-brother!Luffy and Younger-brother!Ace w/ the Whitebeards // short and sweet! Im a sucker for role switch AUs and this one really highlights Luffy’s own eccentric sort of capabilities. 

Portgas D. Anne and the War of Shirts (glowingjellyfishtreelights) - Anne just doesnt like shirts. this has nothing to do with anyone else. // it’s Really funny. also incredibly accurate. 

Into Flame (Kurgaya) - Phoenix!Zoro, and the art of Not Actually Being Human But Never Saying That. // includes Zolu! Which usually isnt my jam, but im All Over non-human!AUs and this one is incredible. Zoro has three pairs of wings. Three. That’s wicked.

Pardus (ImperialMint) - A devil fruit materializes Ace’s worst fear. Which means he’s returning to the Moby Dick with Gold Roger himself at his heels. // funny, sad, and cute all at once. Cute family affection moments, lots of Ace being emotionally hurt and confused. 

Legacy (Anjelle) - Ace died and was sent back, all the way back to when his dad still was a pirate on the Oro Jackson. // Lots of emotional turmoil and childhood trauma neatly tied up with some cathartic mental revaluation ;) 

Paperwork of a Phoenix (ventusleone) - Marine!Marco and Marine!Izo happen to meet the Whitebeards during their downtime, every now and then, and, well, its not like theyre on duty. // Recently was completed! Slowburn platonic found-family vibes, a lot of Marco biting off more than he can chew and essentially being adopted in the process. 

Tension Headache and Migraine (JuHuaTai) Marco overworks himself and accidentally snaps at his crewmates, including Ace. // Very tense in the beginning and smooths out to something apologetic and softer. Has some nsfw in the end, overall Fanastic lmao

Tomorrow Never Happens (Midnightluck) - Sabo pickpockets the wrong marine and gets caught. Which sucks on a normal day, except this one is huge, and burly, and an admiral, and apparently his grandfather. // humorous and slightly angsty all at once! Another Sabo-Gets-His-Memories-Back-Canon-Divergence type story, because I am simple and predictable and it’s still fantastic. 

Blue Moon (MyLadyDay) - Werewolf!Marco protects the forest. It just so happens that (Witch?)Ace does so too. // Has some very quiet vibes I really dig, very calm and makes me think of a deep grey-blue color for some reason. Like Full moonlight through the trees. Very cute

[madlymiho]

Scenario: next part of Ace and his Marine. Marineford. She's gotta go all out to save this pirate that she somehow fell in love with, though she still wouldn't say it to his face. Ace has to live!! Angst me up!!! Thank you, Miho!!

Eddddddddie!!! You don’t know how much I was WAITING for this!! 😩😩😩

Such a damn pleasure to work on this scenario, again, I loooooove this story so much! Hope this will suit your little heart, my friend, that was so ANGSTY to throw myself back in the memories of Marineford.

Words : 2819

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Ace scenario : Save Ace! (read after the cut)

Her heart is about to stop. Her legs almost unable to lift her. Down there, on the frozen place, it’s an incredible mess. The Whitebeard’s crew, but also Luffy and his strange allies, are all fighting against the Marines. But for her, it’s not so easy to pick a side today. First because she has tried to help Ace a few days ago, begging him not to look for Blackbeard, throwing her vows to Akainu and his total justice to the ground. They have kissed, and for some reasons, she still feels his burning lips on her mouth, and the sweet scent of his body surrounding her. Second, because now, she’s nothing but stateless. Fighting with the Marines feels terribly wrong. She can’t barely look at any of them in the eyes, too ashamed to call them brothers or sisters, has she has deliberately tried to save Ace. 

Save Ace. Everyone seems to need this, at the moment. All those pirates, combatting the Justice as one man, despite their gripes and pasts; all the hate they once have sensed gone in order to reach the same goal. She’s lost. And terrified. Earlier, Ace has almost died in front of her eyes, the blades of the two executioners only stopped thank to Crocodile and his sand power. She has fallen on her knees, her eyes full of terror, and despair, watching the man she desperately loves dying in front of her. And now, this terrible feeling sticks to her soul, softly whispering her that she’s on the wrong side of the battle. She knows it. It’s hurtful to admit it, but she knows that she can’t live without him. Ace might be a pirate, a terrible teaser than she wishes to slap and insult… Yet, she doesn’t want him to die. She wants to feel his lips seeking for hers one more time, and his strong arms circling her body to hold her close. 

“What the hell is Garp doing?” A marine snaps near her, and she has no choice but to look up, one more time. 

Her heart wrenches when she notices that Luffy is now running on some new stone stairs, chasing for his big brother. He’s climbing fast, and she watches his assumption, her fingers holding her mallet with all her strength. She wishes she can encourage him, cheers his race, throwing away her guilty feelings to fully embrace her real nature. It really feels like this is what she really needs at the moment. But Garp is in the middle of Luffy’s way, and she doesn’t know if this young little man has the strength to fight the Hero of the Marine. However, despite her strong doubts about the situation, and before she can perfectly understand the situation, the scaffold is broke down, and the entire place sets on fire. She barely has time to jump aside and avoids a critical injury, yet, she doesn’t really care about her own health at the moment. She tries to understand what just happened, and for a moment, her heart is squeezed inside her chest, as she already imagines the worse. 

“Please…Please,” she only manages to whisper, her hand gripping hard the handle of her mallet. 

He must be alive. He has no choice but to remain alive ; otherwise she’s losing everything. She knows that if his heart stops, hers wouldn’t make it. But as soon as she’s sure that everything is done, she notices a sudden radiance coming up in the air. A soft glow which suddenly turns into a ravenous fire, and soon enough, Fire Fist Ace is like a devilish angel, holding his little brother to come down from the scaffold, jumping between his men down in the place. She runs to avoid the fall of many fragments, now as well in the middle of the crowded place, where the pirates cheer violently the return of their beloved captain. Her mind is boiling shamelessly, trying to figure out what she could do at the moment, and finally, she decides that it’s more than time to act. As she turns her head, she notices that one of the soldier who has been in charge of the execution tries to run away. She frowns, then jumps forwards to catch this person, recognizing someone with a 3 shaped with his hair, and who could be a great value at the moment. 

***

“You’re a coward,” a voice shouts as he runs behind Luffy and Marco to join the ships and escape this war. “You’re just like your father!” 

Ace stops his race, his heart falling deep into the depth of his guts. He recognizes that voice ; he has heard it many times. He turns around and faces the lovely marine girl he loves for many months now. She looks at him right in the eyes, her face scratches here and there, and her uniform seriously ripped in many places. She takes a step forwards, not even blinking, more determined that she has ever been before. Ace doesn’t really know what she’s looking for at the moment. He pinches his lips together and clenches his fist, ready to take care of it if need be. 

“Stay back, Name.” He says with a serious voice, far from his usual teasing habits. “Please, don’t come any closer.” 

“Or what?” She answers furiously, lifting her mallet from the ground as she’s now ready to fight. “You’re going to play like Whitebeard? You’re going to make me a beautiful speech about friendship, or love, and then you’re going to run away? You’re such a coward! Just like him! I hate all the pirates like your damn father!” 

Ace can’t believe what she has just said. She must know, how important Whitebeard is for him, and how it’s imprudent to tease his emotions on such a sensitive subject. She must know it, and yet, she’s standing in front of him, this furious gleam inside her irises, while she can’t control her words. Ace slowly raises his fist in the air, setting it on fire, hoping that she would understand that she needs to remain quiet. He’s a man of honor, and if she ever tries to insult his father again, she would suffer from the consequences. 

“Don’t try to pretend that you will attack me, Fire Fist” She smirks, so close right now that Ace can almost touch her skin with his flames. “Turn around and run, this is what pirates under Whitebeard’s orders usually do.” 

Ace is so furious, he wishes that she actually shuts her mouth. She keeps provoking him, and he clearly doesn’t understand what’s the point of being so mean, after all they have shared before that particular moment. That kiss was real, he knows it. Her feelings weren’t an utopia, and she has promised him to keep his hat safely. Why would she try to harm him, right now? Why trying to make him believe that none of their feelings are real? But before he could perfectly analyze the situation, she suddenly jumps forwards and tries to pelt him with all her strength. Ace feels that deep fury in her gesture, and more than wrathful because he has been so wrong about her, he decides to fight back. This time, there’s no teasing anymore. They fight like two enemies would do, every hits and every strikes here to harm the other. He feels that his fists sometimes touch her skin, and her rageous screams only prove how much he hurts her. He hates every minutes of it, but since she wants to play that way, he can’t let her saying these things without being lectured. She seems to have chosen her side, and truth is, perhaps it’s for the best. Now, he can properly fight her, his love but also his deception boiling inside his chest like a magma he can’t control. 

“Now!” She suddenly yells, pushing Ace with her gigantic mallet with all her strength. “Now, 3, now!” 

Ace frowns and catches his breath back. He turns his head to find the person who she addresses to, and only finds the deadly stare of Akainu on them, looking at their fight with some suspicion in his stare. She doesn’t seem to talk to him, and for a moment, Ace believes that she only fights him to avoid Akainu to face him. Ace curls his lips, disgusted by this man behaviors. He suddenly feels the handle of her mallet propulsed inside his stomach, and for a moment, he remains breathless, bending down as he looks back at her. She’s crying now. The look on her face is entirely different. Ace spits on the ground and straightens up, making a step forwards. What is she trying to do? She doesn’t want to hurt him anymore and he can tell it, but she keeps fighting. Is it because Akainu doesn’t trust her?

“I’m so sorry Ace…,” She whispers, lifting once again her hammer, pitifully staggering on her legs. “I…This is the only way…,” 

She seems almost lifeless, her white uniform burnt and torn everywhere, her face covered with bruises and dirt. Ace can’t even lift his fists anymore. He wants her to stop. He wishes that he could run and catch her waist, force her to stop her useless fight, and convince her to stay with him. But even if she’s shaking from her hair to her toes, her hand doesn’t move. Her digits are the only part of her who don’t hesitate, strongly maintaining their grip on her handle, as she looks at his face and tries to find some comfort on his features. However Ace remains impassible. He lets down his guard, and for some reasons, he accepts whatever she wants to do. He’s too heartbroken to actually remain mad at her, and he clearly doesn’t want to fight anymore. He understands that she needs to do something, and deep down, his instinct yells at him to trust her. To have faith, no matter what. 

“Name, there’s a submarine!” A particular voice screams at her, and Ace perfectly notices that spark of hope inside her eyes. “It’s now or never!” 

“That’s…,” she turns her head to look at the sea, tears falling on her cheeks, as a brightful smile grows on her lips. “That’s… Yes…!” 

Ace tries to spot her partner in crime, but he has no time to do it, because she seems more determined than before, and raises her weapon up in the air. He only manages to notice the odd shape of a 3 on the head of someone and a pill of wax next to them. 

“Wait, Name!” Ace tries to argue one more time ; but it’s already too late. 

And just like that, she closes her eyes, and with the most powerful swing of her body, she pelts him directly into the sea. Ace feels a few of his ribs crack during his fall. For a moment, he’s suspended in the air, his body flying over the ships and the battle, as if he’s already on his way for another world. He feels the wind blows his raven hair, and the weight of the world ripping his stomach apart. He thinks about everyone on that place, who has tried to rescue him, the laughter of his little brother suddenly bursting into his mind like a firework in the middle of the night. He’s ashamed. After all of his brother’s journey, all the risks he took to save him, he has abandoned the fight almost easily. He hopes that his brother would understand, that sometimes, when you love someone really deeply, you can’t raise your arms anymore, and refuse to hurt them, even if it leads you to your end. 

“Ace!” Someone yells, and a second before he digs into the cold sea, he perfectly pictures her body falling next to him. 

She tries to reach his hand, but as soon as their fingers softly brush, she lets out a painful cry, drops of scarlet blood splashing his own shocked face. She has been shot by a massive flying object ; a stack that she couldn’t avoid, probably sent by Whitebeard himself. Ace doesn’t even have time to catch her ; his body touches the salty and dangerous water, transforming him as a numb and useless puppet. He tries to desperately swim, screaming her name in the water as he vision becomes awfully blurry. His strength diminishes while his body keeps digging into the sea, his brain still on fire, trying his best to fight over the awful law of the nature when it comes to devil fruit users. 

But then, he feels a strong grip circling his waist, as someone is pulling him back at the surface. He can’t move his arms nor his legs, only focus on his dying breathing while he’s about to reach the fresh air up there. When he’s finally able to catch his breath, he furiously coughs and tries to call her name, his eyes desperately looking everywhere. 

“Don’t move like that!” A male voice screams at him, and Ace eventually notices that there’s something else than his body in the water. 

He turns his head and almost freaks out to come face to face with a gigantic polar bear in an orange suit. 

“Do you have him, Bepo?” Another voice shouts impatiently, right above their heads. 

“Yes, captain!” 

Ace raises his chin, furrowing his eyebrows because of the bright sun, unable to recognize the odd shape of the ship that the polar bear is strongly gripping. He pinches his lips when he feels that the talking animal is lifting him up, and before he can ask who the hell are these people, his back hits the metal deck of the submarine almost violently. Ace gasps and rolls on his hips, putting his hand against his ribs as the pain is almost unbearable. For a moment, he feels like he can’t move anymore, but he suddenly remembers that he saw her falling with him in the water. With difficulty, he finds the strength to stand back up, holding the metal rail boarding the deck, his eyes looking for any sign of her. He suddenly freezes when he finally spots a white human form floating at the surface of the ocean, a puddle of blood surrounding her body. Ace grips the barrier with all his strength, but a strong palm on his shoulder prevents him to stupidly jump in the ocean. 

“Look down,” a lazy voice says, the one of the captain of the submarine, Trafalgar Law. “It’s not her, there. It’s a body made of wax.” 

He immediately obeys, gazing down to the bottom of the submarine to finally see that two men are lifting a marine girl up to the deck. Ace ignores his own pain, and vividly jumps down to hang at the rail of the submarine, in order to extend his hand and tries his best to help the two men with her wounded body, gripping her uniform more than desperately to lift her over the metal bar. As soon as she’s safe on the deck, Ace drops on his knees and brushes her face, his eyes first looking at her scratches and bruises on her cheeks, to finally look at the stake stuck in her shoulder. 

“Name…,” Ace whispers, sitting behind her to lift her back against his torso. “Name, don’t you dare die on me…,” 

He circles her waist, gently putting some tender kisses on her temple, while he listens to her weak but present breathing. She coughs and spits some water, and after a moment, she manages to open her eyes, blinking because of the sun above their heads. 

“I’m…I’m the one who’s rescuing you, idiot…” She manages to answer, her powerless fingers finding their way to his arm. 

Ace laughs, even if his vision is full of tears. He tucks a strand of her damp hair behind her ear, unable to contain his emotions at this point. 

“That was very lame, if you really want to have a review of your work,” Ace jokes as he cries and smiles at the same time, his fingers brushing her face carefully. 

“Get lost, Fire Fist,” she smiles back, yet suddenly grimaces because of her wound. “It was a perfect plan because I’m so much better than you at saving your ass.” 

“Oï, Oï, you’re done, love birds?” Law says, slightly annoyed by their behaviors as he comes right in front of them and sighs loudly. “Your girlfriend gots a stack in the shoulder if you haven’t notice, Portgas D. Ace.” 

Ace nods, ready to let her go to have some medical assistance, but she grabs his arm and throws a deadly look to the doctor captain. 

“Who the hell are you calling his girlfriend?” She hisses, before she collapses against Ace’s chest, absolutely drained after her fight. 

But the job is done. She saved Portgas D. Ace. 

[cleoxortiz]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐨.

( cindy kimberly, cis female ) hey ! have you seen CLEO ORTIZ around ? SHE works as a BARTENDER at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 22 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO WEEKS. they tend to be AMBITIOUS & AUDACIOUS, but can also be VEXING & HUBRISTIC. the other employees have labeled them THE HELLKITE. thanks a lot ! ( the sound of stilettos against marble floors, a menacing smile worn on red lips, the glimmering lights of the manhattan skyline, a silent eye-roll that cuts deeper than words ) [ jocey, 23, est, she/her ]

it’s ya girl jocey and i’m so excited for all the fluffy holiday cUTeNesS! apologizing in advance for the terror that is cleo. she is truly the worst™. but i love the grinch stole christmas, so y’kNOW WHAT? this felt v fitting ok sdkgkgjk. so hit that subscribe like button if ya wanna plot & we can chitty chat on discord!

name : cleo valentina ortiz age : twenty-one sexuality : pansexual hometown : new york city, new york job : bartender at the avalanche pub

━ the ortiz’s didn’t always have a net worth of millions. with humble beginnings in catalonia, spain, the family moved to america a couple generations ago to expand their winery business. it was only then did the family-run business grow by producing, shipping and selling their premium wine brand. eventually they got into the nightlife entertainment business as well, through acquiring and running several bars, clubs and lounges all around america.

━  as the second and youngest child born to miguel and selena, it was never in the books for cleo to take over the family business. a traditional man, her father had always groomed her older brother, adrian, to be his successor. her father’s bias always left her feeling bitter and resentful, and only drove her ambitions and determination to prove him wrong. the more he kept her at arm’s length, the more driven she was to find an in.

━ unfortunately, her mother, a socialite/philanthropist herself, also had different plans for cleo - something along the lines of becoming a debutante and her daughter following in her footsteps. from being forced into piano lessons, ballet and etiquette classes, she absolutely despised the person her family wanted to mold her into. both stubborn in wanting to get their way, cleo and her mother’s differences pulled their mother-daughter relationship further and further apart.

━  even her mom’s passing when she was 14 did little to change cleo’s opinion in the matter. she claimed she didn’t care about the woman’s death, nor did it affect her whatsoever, and she will gladly tell anyone that. but the fact that she currently attended columbia university, her mom’s alma mater, may hint at something different.

━  a hustler with an alpha bitch mentality, she’s always outsmarting people and outsmarting the system to get things to work in her favour. and when that didn’t work, no one could ever say no to a big fat wad of cash. because cleo ortiz never loses. she doesn’t just play the game, she owns it, makes the rules and wins. every. damn. time. does she think she’s better than everyone? without a doubt. does she care about anyone other than herself? not a chance. if it ever appeared that she did, then chances are, it’s only to benefit herself somehow.

━  cleo swears by the belief that playing by the rules was for suckers and if you weren’t the best, then you were nothing at all. and sometimes being the best required playing dirty. if she has to ruin someone else’s life to get her way, then she will gladly pour a jug of gasoline, light a match and enjoy watching it go up in flames. hell, more often than not, she’ll do that just purely for her own enjoyment. because if she has to be bitter and miserable, then why shouldn’t everyone else be too?

━  with that mentality, it’s no surprise that cleo came up with a scheme to sabotage her father’s newest business deal with the owner of big bear resort. the ortiz family had been vacationing there since she was little, so it was only right that they expanded their business roots there as well. unfortunately, cleo screwed herself over with her own ambition and the scheme more or less blew up in her face. 

━  in an attempt to salvage the partnership, cleo was given an ultimatum - work at the resort, or face the legal repercussions and risk losing her trust fund. she didn’t have to think twice about which option to go with. working at the resort would just give her twice as many opportunities to sabotage the deal, yet again. and this time, she didn’t plan on leaving until she succeeded. the only minor obstacle was having to actually work while she was here, but how hard could bartending be, right??

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

BEST FRIEND ━  someone who can put up with cleo’s awfulness, or maybe they’re just as awful as she is. this is probably one of the few people she’s actually relatively soft for ( not that she’d ever admit it ), will always have their back & will probably? let her guard down for. gimme some soft bestie feels for this cold bitch.  taken by kieran rhodes, caleb xu PARTNER-IN-CRIME  ━  i’m sure even satan has a little devil on his shoulder, so cleo needs one too. basically they like to stir up all kinds of trouble together, both fueling each other’s vices.  taken by ian moon, harper delgado MORAL CONSCIENCE  ━  does cleo even have a moral compass? your guess is as good as mine. this is someone she is more likely to listen to and could try to sway her from doing, y’know, ~*just cleo things*~. kind of like the angel on her shoulder. often tries to get her to just be a decent human being. the cindy lou to her grinch if you will LOL??  taken by aylie greer BAD INFLUENCE  ━  someone cleo is a bad influence on. she’s the little devil on their shoulder and manipulates convinces them to do ~*just cleo things*~ with her. after all, she needs to entertain herself somehow while she’s stuck here esgjdgkgk.  taken by claire beauvard ON/OFF  ━  they’ve been in this on-and-off relationship for what’s felt like forever and  they have their moments, but didn’t always get along. despite that, they just keep coming back to each other for their own reasons.  taken by marco di angelo ENEMIES  ━  homegirl can piss off a lot of people just for shits and giggles, nor does she care to be likeable and personable, so i’m sure she’s got a hella long list of enemies/people she rubs the wrong way. also people she’s sabotaged, fucked over and manipulated to get her way? plz.  taken by kamille osman, theodora kwon CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ━  they’ve known each other since they were kids, probably met when cleo’s family visited big bear. they can still be friendly, not get along at all, or maybe it’s an ex-friend situation. UNWANTED CHILD  ━  cleo somehow ended up being this person’s very reluctant mom friend. she hates it, she does not want to deal with them, and yet she’ll still go pick up their drunk ass at 4am. she’s all about tough love, so while she may be super harsh and hard on them, she does it because she cares ( not that she’d ever actually admit to caring ).  taken by leo takanashi UNLIKELY/ACCIDENTAL FRIENDS  ━ they shouldn’t get along, but somehow they just do and their friendship works. not typically someone cleo would see herself being friends with, but one way or another, an accidental friendship of sorts developed.  taken by callie macdermot, nadia perez, ivan anderson MUTUAL ANNOYANCE ━  they annoy each other to no end and just live for pushing each other’s buttons. not quite a hatred, but some days, it’s pretty darn close. maybe there’s some sexual tension involved cuz that’s always the good shiet.  taken by axel schaefer HOOK-UPS/FWBS ━  self-explanatory. a girl’s got needs. whether she actually likes you as a person or not, if you’re hot, then you’ll do the job. rip why is she like this. we can make it angsty or not because tbh cleo can be pretty possessive sometimes, so y’knOW.  taken by roman walsh

okay, that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. some plots i’m open for multiple characters to fill, unless it has been crossed out. and ofc, i’m always open to new ideas too!

[firefistlaw]

Senpai~ i'm so happy that your feeling better *\(>w<)/ so if it's not too much might i request an angsty scenario for my ASL baes (if it's too much then just Sabo is fine) where their fem S/O gets kidnapped and tortured leading to an epic save and bad guy beat-down via a very pissed off boyfriend?

A/N: I hope this is alright, I struggled with the one for Sabo and feel like the angst is barely there in any of those, but nevertheless hope you like it! Thank you for requesting. :)

ASL saving their S/O after they get kidnapped 

Ace

Ace hadn’t felt this way before. Sure, he did get angry from time to time, but the sheer amount of fire that was burning him up from the inside was different- unfamiliar and, he had to admit, even a bit scaring.

He stands in front of the tall, dirty building and takes a deep breath, trying to control the flames that were tingling in his fingertips; the need to burst everything he sees into plain ashes.

You were stubborn. You always had been and Ace liked that about you- he thought it was charming in some ways, even though it could also be frustrating on some parts. When you shook your head heavily on this evening, he couldn’t help but frown though– the frustration towards you slowly raising.

“Why can’t you just let me come along, Y/N?” He had said, hand ruffling through his dark hair. “There is no reason for you to go alone.”

“Yes, there is.” You had mumbled back, tying your shoelaces tighter. The bag on your shoulder was heavy, but you were already used to that. “I can take care of myself.”

Ace sighed, feeling a bit hurt about you not wanting him to tag along on the giant island. “I just don’t get why.” Your body turns away, slowly making your way to the end of the Moby Dick. Your boyfriend is walking behind you.  

“Because,” you snap. “Everyone in the crew thinks I can’t do anything without my boyfriend helping me!” You turn around, glaring. “Wherever I go, you’re always with me. And I don’t mind it personally, don’t think that– It’s just that I would like to do something on my own for once too. I know I’m able to anyways. I would like to be appreciated for what I do myself. And not always being the ‘partner of Ace.’”

Ace takes a step back, arms crossing in front of his chest, the muscles on his arms flexing slightly. “I didn’t know you cared so much about what others think about our relationship.” He was confused and you saw in his eyes how there was a tint of hurt swimming in the brown orbs.

“Ace, wait-” You say, holding your head at the sudden headache that was slowly starting to grow. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“No, it’s fine.” He says, turning his back towards you and raising his hand. “ I hope you have fun, since being with me is such a burden.”

If Ace could go back, he certainly would and stop you from jumping on land. He would run towards you, grab you, and throw you over his shoulder in a second, but, of course, it was already too late for that.

The seconds of you being gone turned into minutes and soon enough, it was hours and no one heard something about you. Ace got worried, but this is what you had wanted, to be alone and on your own– right?

He had sat in the dining hall with a few of his crew members, when the rumble of Whitebeard echoed through the ship. In an instant, there was silence all over, the silence almost deafening. When Ace got back on Deck, he was not prepared for what was about to be said.

Marco stood in the middle, expression neutral, if it wasn’t for the slight hint of frown that showed his distress for the current situation. “Ace. Come here, yoi.”

When the second division commander arrived and was handed a paper, he had to read twice to understand what was written there. Next to the sloppily written words was a single drop of red blood– Ace knew it was yours.

“I will take care of it, Oyaji.”

The ashes of the paper was the only explanation for his family.

--- --- --- --- ---

You didn’t know how many hours had passed, it could have been days that were slowly drifting away from you and yet, you would be none the wiser.

Your hands were uncomfortably tied behind you back while your mouth was covered by a cloth, making the option for you to make any sound impossible. The only thing you could hear was the drop of water in the dark, wet room you were currently sitting in. Every piece of your body was aching, a violent shiver going through every other second- it was pathetic and you thought, maybe youwere pathetic.

Your mind wanders to your crew, to Oyaji, to Izo, to the food Thatch made and especially, with a deep peng in your heart, to your boyfriend Ace. Only the thought of him being with you, holding you close to his warm chest was enough to make a silent sob run through your body once again.

If you only had let him come along, maybe then he would have noticed the smell of the drink being slightly different, he would have noticed the pair of  eyes being glued to your back– he would have taken care of you when you felt your eyes black out and your knees give in.

“Oh, my little sheep..” You hear the familiar voice of the pirate entering the now dimly lit room, making you curl deeper into the corner of the room. “No need to be shy, sweetheart.”

He enters the cell you were in and slowly walks towards your figure in the far corner, the heart in your chest beating rapidly by the sheer disgust you felt in your veins. With everything you had left in your body, you tried to glare at him, but from the way he was smiling so wickedly at you– he did not care whatsoever.

“Why does it take so long for your rats to bring the money?” He asks, slowly stroking your hair. You could feel the foul breath of him touching the side of your face. “Maybe they don’t care about you anymore? I would understand, Y/N.”

You try to kick him and with a small percentage of luck, you meet his ankle, which makes his crouching figure lose his balance, but before he can fall, he grabs a handful of your hair, making you wince.

“You little-”

The door of the room flings open and there stands one of the Pirates crew mates. “Captain, you need to come instantly!”

“Not now.” The man in front of you grumbles back, holding tighter on your hair. “I’m busy with my sheep.”

“But it’s–”

And then the sound is cut off by a something that sounds like a big pile of meat hitting the stoney floor.

Before either you or the Captain can react, the room engulfs in flames that could put any forest fire to shame. The flames burn with anger, passion and the sheer need for blood.

You gasp behind the fabric covering your mouth, the slight burn on your legs from the heat like welcoming kiss from your freedom.

Ace!

And soon enough, your boyfriend appears at the end of the room, eyes full of hatred and for a second, you feel bad for the man in front of you- the fight was already finished and it didn’t even start yet.

“I wonder what must have gone through your head,” Ace says, voice rumbling like thunder. “Did you really think you could take my girl and get away with it?” Humourlessly, he laughs. “My girl?”

The man in front of you stands up, clearly intimidated. “Listen man, just take her and there will be no consequences, we’re happy with whatever you give us…”

“We?” Ace repeats, taking long strides towards you two. “I’m afraid there is no one left in this shithole of place.” His eyes burn, a smirk growing on his lips. “Could have been my fault.”

And then, the flames erupt yet again, covering the whole room but the little corner you were still seated in. Blinded by the brightness, you turn your head towards the wall and when you turn back, all fire is gone- only ashes dancing in the wind and the look of affection, concern and regret shining in Ace’s brown eyes as he swiftly rips all cuffs away from your body. Without any second wasted, you fling yourself into his arms, sobbing shamelessly into his shoulder, the weight of being separated finally being lift.

“I’m sorry,” You choke out, inhaling his scent, as if it was everything you always needed to survive. “I’m so stupid, I’m so sorry Ace.”

“Shh, it’s okay.” He whispers back, hands stroking your hair, back and arms– needing to touch every piece of your skin to make sure you were fine. “You’re not stupid, baby, it’s fine.”

The words get stuck in your throat, another sob rocking through your body. Ace lifts you up, still holding you close to his chest and walks you two out of the building that is slowly starting to fall apart- no soul left inside.

Outside, you take another deep breath and cling more towards your boyfriend.

“Scary,” you hear Marco mumble from a meter away and then you feel a blanket being wrapped around you- still in Ace’s arms. “But impressive, yoi.”

You hear your boyfriend answer, but the words get lost in the clouds that start to engulf you in a well deserved sleep.  

Sabo

“Don’t let anyone steal my seat,” you had mumbled, a soft smile playing around your lips. Sabo mimicked your smile, shaking his own head slightly.

“I would never.”

Sabo watched your figure disappear through the numerous bodys of people in the restaurant, his heart jumping at the thought of you coming back to him– your boyfriend.  

He could hear Koala’s voice in his head, saying how he was whipped for you and with a shy smile towards his drink sitting in front of him, the blonde man accepted his truth; Koala was right.

Ever since you had joined the Revolutionary Army, his eyes longed for your figure more often than he noticed himself. All of the newbies were starstruck at the sight of the Chief Of Staff, the number two of the Revolutionary Army coming to their training hall every few days but he didn’t care at all: all he wanted was a glimpse of your body, one word towards him or, he would sell his soul, one smile from you. Once you had noticed his interest for you, it was only a matter of time before you and Sabo fell for each other. Sooner than later, the blonde man asked you out and there you were now, at a date on an island in the middle of the night.

Sabo sighs quietly and takes a glance towards the door where you had disappeared too long ago. You just wanted to take a call and be back, but as the minutes started to double, he couldn’t stop himself and got out of his chair, a frown now on his pale features.

One part of him told him he doesn’t have to worry and shouldn’t go out, but the other part, the one that made him so trustworthy to Dragon was pushing him out and when he stood there, all alone in the darkness outside of the still loud restaurant, he felt his body shivering.

All he saw was a ripped piece of your summer dress, which you had previously worn and some rough patches of dirt on the ground– freshly made.

--- --- --- --- ---

“Are you sure it’s Y/N?” You heard a voice on your right, your vision too blurred to make out where you were.

“Yes! I saw the Sabo guy in the window too. Maybe if we tell Boss quick enough, we can get him as well. Just imagine all the berry we could have…” The man on your left said, his grip on your arm surely leaving a bruise.

You could feel a strong ache at the back of your head, but you couldn’t remember how the ache had appeared, you couldn’t even remember how you landed in this situation. One minute you were with Sabo and in the next… you were seated on the ground in the middle of something that smelled like a forest.

You bite your lip at the thought of your boyfriend waiting for you, a shiver running through your body visibly.

“Hey, hey,” The first man spoke up, his voice now directed to you. “I think she woke up. Oh god, she really did!”

Before you could do something, two pair of hands were grabbing your face roughly, making you wince. “Hello there, Y/N!”

You open your eyes and look into the face of a man whom you haven’t seen before, his lips stretched into a wicked smile. “Aren’t you just pretty?”

You hear the other guy coming closer as well. “Do you think…” He says to the one holding tightly to your skin.

He shakes his head, a dangerous glint dancing in his orbs. “I don’t think Boss would mind if we played a bit with her.”

Your stomach started to turn at the words you were hearing. Acting on instinct, you pushed your head to the side, your feet pushing out to push the man away from you– with success. The man stumbled back and fell, a confused expression on his features at your strength.

“What– fuck, grab her!”

You were rising to your feet and tried to run away, but the other guy was hot on your heels and if it weren’t for the ache in your head, you would have gotten away. Quicker than you expected, a hand was grabbing your hair and pushed you back, your figure now hitting the ground forcefully. A second later, you felt the weight of the man on your arm.

“Don’t you try this again.” He grumbled through his teeth, his grip on your hair tightening. “You will be our little girl now, understand? Whatever we say, you will do.” He leans his head closer to you. “Understand?”

You stay silent, the glare on your eyes reaching its peak.

“No.”

You gasp as the familiar voice touches your ears, your heart going crazy in your chest. You close your eyes and push your head back to the ground, knowing that whatever happened next- you were safe.

Sabo stood merely a meter away from you, next to him the guy you had previously pushed away, now full of blood. Your blonde boyfriend looked calm, like a calm sea, but you knew it was only for the moment. His blue eyes were glowing, all of his emotions radiating from him in waves of pure heat that had another shiver running through you.

You could hear the man next to you gulp. You took the chance and pushed him off you, quickly getting back up and as fast as you allowed yourself, you ran towards Sabo who had his arms open for you.

Before you reached him, a hand closed around your ankle, making you almost trip. You cursed and tried to push your feet out of the grip, but Sabo was already next to you, grabbing the wrist of the man with force.

“You will be sorry to have touched her like this.”

And then you hear bones cracking and a loud shriek coming from the male on the ground– the ground that now started to burn in red, angry flames.

“Y/N,” you hear Sabo say once there is no piece of life left on the ground besides you two. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” His hand grabs your face softly, his thumb stroking your cheek. His eyes were full of worry and a deep drop of affection towards you.

“I’m fine,” you mumble and throw yourself against him, your arms engulfing his body with force. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’m sorry I’m so late.” He says, voice filled with regret. “I should have come with you, I–”

Your lips press against his for the first time of knowing each other, stopping the words falling from his lips. His own lips start to move instantly, the kiss speaking louder than any of your words could ever.

Luffy

“I want to see the number five.” You heard a gruff voice say and not helping yourself, you clenched your eyes together, recognizing the number as your own tag that was put in front of your cell.

“Number five was brought to us yesterday, she has a temper, but nothing that a few hits and punches can’t get fixed.” A woman says as she looks at you with a strong gaze.

You gulp, but nevertheless hold her gaze. When she notices you challenging her, she puts on a fake smile.

“We don’t really know much about where she is from, but as she is very pretty, she would make a perfect object to make other jealous of.” She continues, clearly satisfied by the way the man next to her nods. “We know you have a preference of being rough, so she is perfectly fit for your hands.”

You push at your cuffs hanging next to you on the wall, the thought of being sold making your insides turn.

You were just wandering around the day before, the excitement of finally arriving at the Sabaody Archipelago showing in every step you took and in every word you spoke. If you had known what would happen, you wouldn’t have declined to go with your Captain, Luffy. You would have grabbed his hand, planted a sweet kiss against his warm cheek and told him to take you to wherever he pleases. But, with a frown now on your face, you told him you would go with Zoro. You should have known that sooner or later, Zoro would take the wrong way and leave you alone, but as you haven’t been in the group for too long; you were none the wiser. After merely an hour of you being alone, your vision was blocked and your hands were tied together, only being opened once you were put in this cell and cuffed again.

The others were probably worried sick about you and you felt yourself becoming scared– not about what would happen to you, but rather what would happen to Luffy once he found out where you were. It was no secret that Pirates had to be extremely careful here, the danger in form of the Marine waiting around every corner. But, as you knew the leader of the Strawhats, your boyfriend, he would tear the house apart before he could think twice about it, with no thought to what would happen afterwards.

And it would be your fault.

“Are you not listening? I will repeat myself one more time, five, get up and come towards us.”

Your head snapped to the voice of the woman, who was visibly tense by your lack of attention. She glowed with anger, but you still didn’t move. It was as if your body was frozen.

The woman sighed and looked at the man in apology. She grabbed the keys from her pocket and opened the cell, letting the man walk in first.

“We would appreciate if you would teach your new belonging a lesson.” She spoke, her voice filled with a tint of glee. Her dark eyes found yours and in a way that said ‘have fun’, she had risen her eyebrow.

The man in front of you was quickly by your side and pushed the sleeves of his shirt up, but before he did something, he smiled at you– gentle.

“You’re so precious,” His smile turned wider. “I can’t wait to break you.”

You wince and try to hide your figure between your hands, your body terrified of being hurt and no way to escape, when a loud rumble echoes through the giant building. The walls on your cell were visibly shaking, the woman and her client taking a few steps back. “I’m sorry, sir, but we have to l-leave.”

And then you heard the voice of the only man you ever felt your heart beat for, the man who was busy crushing everything and everyone a floor above you-- his mind only searching for your figure. 

“Y/N!” Luffy’s voice was muffled from the walls between you, but it was still clear.

You tried to stand up, but the cuffs didn’t let you go anywhere. You shook the shackles as loud as you could to give away your location, the bruises on your arm from the hours you had to sit here burning with every move.

“Y/N!” You heard again, closer this time. “Where are you!”

You tried to scream, but a piece of cloth was tightly wrapped around you, banning the sounds from springing towards him.

“Shut the hell up!” The woman hissed, and grabbed onto your arm, her fingers digging into the already aching piece of muscle. You whined.

Then a loud bang almost deafened your right ear as the wall next to you crumbled to several pieces. Instinctively you hid your face from the pieces of stone, but once you registered what happened, you shook the shackles once more, showing Luffy that he had finally found you.

“Y/N!” He called once his eyed found you pressed against the wall. You nodded your head, your body going slump at the exhaustion of the last hours. “Just a minute!”

And as quickly as he appeared, his hands turned into fists. His eyes turned pitch black and in the lowest voice he spoke the next words, “Gomu Gomu no…”

You closed your eyes for a few seconds.

The next time you opened them, Luffy was by your side, a drop of blood on his cheek– but it wasn’t his.

“Are you okay, Y/N?! I’m here!” You nodded your head heavily and once Luffy broke the shackles, you ripped the fabric from your lips.

“Luffy!” You jumped into his arms, sniffing loudly.

Not helping himself, he started to smile. “Y/N, finally you’re back.”

And then his arms surrounded you not once, but a million times as he pressed you closer towards him.

[zcvczx]

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐳𝐨.

*/ EMILY RATAJKOWSKI , 23 , CIS FEMALE , SHE/HER . i just watched dean matthews pull zoyenka voznesensky into his office. maybe it has something to do with them being a member of phi alpha phi. yeah, i spoke to zo a few times. they’re a senior studying business administration. apparently they’re from new york city, new york. maybe that’s why they’re so vexing and audacious, i don’t know, man. all i know is they’re always listening to needed me by rihanna. / jocey , 23, est, she/her .

ayyyye ya girl is back with her second bby, zo. apologizing in advance for the terror that is zoyenka. she is truly the worst™. hit that like button & i’ll slide into dem dms real quick. 

name : zoyenka voznesensky ( will not acknowledge you if you can’t pronounce her name. true story. ) nickname : zo age : twenty-three sexuality : pansexual hometown : new york city, new york chapter : phi alpha phi major : business administration  extracurriculars : cheerleading ( base ), dance team, mock trial

━  the voznesensky’s didn’t always have a net worth of millions. with humble beginnings in saint petersburg, russia, the family moved to america a couple generations ago to expand their distillery business. it was only then did the family-run business grow by producing, shipping and selling their premium vodka brand and maybe some other less than legal products too. eventually they got into the nightlife entertainment business as well, through acquiring and running several bars, clubs and lounges on the east coast.

━  as the second and youngest child born to dimitri and natalia, it was never in the books for zoyenka to take over the family business. a traditional man, her father had always groomed her older brother, alek, to be his successor. her father’s bias always left her feeling bitter and resentful, and only drove her ambitions and determination to prove him wrong. the more he kept her at arm’s length, the more driven she was to find an in.

━  unfortunately, her mother, a socialite/philanthropist herself, also had different plans for her - something along the lines of debutante and her daughter following in her footsteps. from being forced into piano lessons, ballet and etiquette classes, zo absolutely despised the person her family wanted to mold her into. the only things she didn’t mind as much were the gymnastics and language lessons ( russian, french, spanish & italian ). both stubborn in wanting to get their way, their differences pulled their mother-daughter relationship further and further apart.

━  even her mom’s passing when she was 12 did little to change zo’s opinion in the matter. she didn’t care about the woman’s death, nor did it affect her whatsoever, and she will gladly tell anyone that. but the fact that she accepted her offer at NEU and pledged phi alpha, her mom’s sorority, may hint at something different. despite now being a part of greek life, she still doesn’t buy into any of the sisterhood crap and thinks it’s all just a load of BS. but of course, that didn’t stop her from wanting to be president, if only for the power.

━  a hustler with an alpha bitch mentality, she’s always outsmarting people and outsmarting the system to get things to work in her favour. and when that didn’t work, no one could ever say no to a big fat wad of cash. because zoyenka voznesensky never loses. she doesn’t just play the game, she owns it, makes the rules and wins. every. damn. time. does she think she’s better than everyone? without a doubt.

━  zo swears by the belief that playing by the rules was for suckers and if you weren’t the best, then you were nothing at all. and sometimes being the best required playing dirty. if she has to ruin someone else’s life to get her way, then she will gladly pour a jug of gasoline, light a match and enjoy watching it go up in flames. hell, sometimes she’ll do that just purely for her own enjoyment.

━  with that mentality, it’s no surprise that zo was on track to becoming phi alpha’s president. but it was also her ambition that screwed herself over in the end. last year, an all too eager zo wanted a quick loophole to move from vice president to president because she just didn’t want to wait another year. so, she framed the then-president for stealing funds from the sorority, but was consequently busted, removed as VP and put on probation.

━  after that debacle, zo decided to do an exchange program in france for a semester, as a way to escape the aftermath. now she’s back with her head held high, still one month on probation, and ready to move on. but then again, why take the high road when the low road is so much more chaotic and fun? her presidency was already taken from her, so what else was there to lose?

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

BEST FRIEND  ━  someone who can put up with zo’s awfulness, or maybe they’re just as awful as she is. this is probably one of the few people she’s actually relatively soft for ( not that she’d ever admit it ) and will always have their back. possibly even one of the few people she’ll ever let her guard down for. gimme some soft bestie feels for this cold bitch.  taken by minka kellar ( little ), kieran rhodes, alana brooks SISTERS, I GUESS  ━  zo really does not give af about all this sisterhood crap and she just doesn’t buy into any of it. but there’s bound to be a couple of phi alpha girls who have grown on her over time. perhaps someone she pledged with? she’d never admit it, but she would give a bitch the smackdown if they tried to mess with them.  taken by hannah maddison MORAL CONSCIENCE  ━  does zo even have a moral compass? your guess is as good as mine. this is someone she is more likely to listen to and could try to sway her from doing, y’know, ~*just zo things*~. kind of the angel on her shoulder? often tries to get her to be nicer and overall be a decent human being.  taken by garrett shepherd BAD INFLUENCE  ━  i’m sure even satan has a little devil on his shoulder, so zo needs one too. though more likely than not, zo’s that little devil. basically they like to stir up all kinds of trouble together, either with her egging the other person on or they both fuel each other’s bad habits.  taken by lennon winter, kamelya tansel EXES  ━  either she dumped him/her, or she was dumped ( in which case, rip my friend ). maybe there are some lingering feelings. maybe she’s still hella soft for them. could be interesting if they’re very different from zo and that’s why it didn’t work out despite the chemistry or whatever. and/or the relationship ended when she abruptly left for her exchange program. ENEMIES  ━  ho’boy. homegirl can piss off a lot of people just for shits and giggles, nor does she care to be likeable and personable, so i’m sure she’s got a hella long list of enemies/people she rubs the wrong way. also people she’s sabotaged, fucked over and manipulated to get her way? plz.  taken by leticia viterra CHILDHOOD FRIENDS  ━  pretty self-explanatory. they’ve known each other since they were kids and their parents are likely friends. maybe their moms were in phi alpha together. they can be close, or not get along at all, or maybe even an ex-friend situation.  taken by alexandria boss UNWANTED CHILD  ━  zo somehow ended up being this person’s very reluctant mom friend. she hates it, she does not want to deal with them, and yet she’ll still go pick up their drunk ass at 4am. she’s all about tough love, so while she may be super harsh and hard on them, she does it out of love and because she cares. not that she’d ever actually admit to caring.  taken by noelle faust UNLIKELY/ACCIDENTAL FRIENDS  ━  they shouldn’t get along, but somehow, they just do and their friendship works. not typically someone zo would see herself being friends with, but somehow an accidental friendship of sorts developed.  taken by lincoln hayes MUTUAL ANNOYANCE  ━  they annoy each other to no end and just live for pushing each other’s buttons. not quite a hatred, but some days, it’s pretty darn close. maybe there’s some sexual tension involved cuz that’s always the good shiet.  taken by sydney marco ( roommate ), zane wancosh HOOK-UPS/FLINGS/FWBS  ━  self-explanatory. a girl’s got needs. whether she actually likes you as a person or not, if you’re hot, then you’ll do the job. rip why is she like this. we can make it angsty or not because tbh zo can be pretty possessive sometimes, so y’knOW.

okay, that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. some plots i’m open for multiple characters to fill, unless it has been crossed out. and ofc, i’m always open to new ideas too!

[shestillhasherquill]

One Thousand, Four Hundred and Forty Minutes

Here's my contribution for @csmarchmadness. Thanks @xemmaloveskillianx​ for giving me a chance to write this doctor's AU. It's purely based on my many years of watching Grey's Anatomy, and a little bit of help from Google. So the errors are on me, and my lack of adequate research. Also, I tried a different writing style - which is to be more funny and less, ugh, dramatic and angsty and I'm not entirely happy with the result. So don't hate on me.

Summary: A day in the life of Attendings Dr. Jones and Dr. Swan, as they navigate their upcoming parenthood, their patients and their past.

Words: ~11.5K

Warnings: Mentions of past Alcoholism, Minor Character Death, my writing

AO3/FF.net

“Are you sure you want to start work again, love?” Killian meets Emma’s eyes in the mirror as he fiddles with his tie. She is sitting on their bed in her bra and her work pants, on but unbuttoned, the very picture of sexy and lazy, her now empty cereal bowl on the bed next to her.

Emma smiles at him, hoping that she looks reassuring. She knows where his concern is coming from, but there’s only so long she can stay in bed. “I have patients who need me. I’ve taken a week off already, because you and Ruby tag-teamed against me. But babe, I can’t watch another true crime documentary. I’m going stir crazy. ” Her eyes widen to emphasise her point, making Killian huff, his expression twisting into faux-sympathy, brows drawn together, and lips in an exaggerated pout. She walks up to him, turning him to face her and removing his tie. “Go without the tie. The open collar look is so in,” she teases, her blunted nails scratching his chest hair. “I also watched a lot of Project Runway,” she adds, almost as if she was talking to herself.

Killian waggles his eyebrows at her, throwing his tie on the bed absentmindedly and reaching for her wasit, pulling her closer to him. “Maybe we should play hookey and stay in today. No shirts, no ties. You can see more than just my collarbone, Swan,” he quips, sliding his lips down her neck. Emma’s breath hitches and the offer is incredibly tempting - they could just say screw it and stay in bed - but she has been stuck at home the past week, and she really does have patients to get back to. There is only so much she can push on to Blanchard’s service. It takes all her will power to push away from him. “Oh, Dr. Jones, I am not so easily seduced,” she chides, pressing a quick, apologetic kiss to his lips.

She twists out of his arms, shrugging on a floral shirt over her bra, buttoning it up swiftly. It takes a while, but she gets her pants buttoned as well, grinning up at Killian, feeling accomplished that she could still fit into her pants. But his earlier playfulness is once again replaced with concern, and he is not quick enough to school his expression. She lets out a soft sigh. “I am okay, Killian. I promise.” She holds her hand out to him, waiting patiently until he grabs them before pulling him closer. She rests her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his waist, trying to hug his anxiety away.

He lets loose a long breath, the tension in his shoulders leaving as he relaxes against her. “I can’t help it, Swan. Watching you collapse like that-” he cuts himself off and closes his eyes, trying to push away the bad memory. “I never want to see you like that again, love,” he murmurs against her hair. He pulls back, one hand cupping her cheek and the other resting on her shoulder, rubbing soothing circles. He looks like he wants to say more, but chooses to hold himself back, trying to smile reassuringly at her.

Emma is not so easily fooled though. She can tell that there’s more to his worry than he is letting on; she can’t push him, knowing that it will just make him retreat further back. Emma cups his cheeks, trying to communicate all her love and understanding through her smile, and hopes that that is enough.

She worries about him too; he carries so much responsibility on his shoulders, it weighs him down when anything goes wrong. She worries when he forgets to take care of himself, because that leads down a very steep path. She worries that sometimes he focuses too much on protecting her, that he forgets that he needs protecting too. “Look, you need to stop worrying so much. It was just low blood sugar. I’m fine, baby’s fine. We both got a week off, and we’re good.”

Killian pulls in a shuddering breath, his hand coming to rest on her belly. She knows that he can feel the slight hardness to her abdomen, feel the smallest of curves there. His thumb rubs lightly against the curve, sending a rush of emotions through her, overwhelming her with how much she loves this man, and this baby that is theirs. “You promise to take it easy?” he murmurs, resting his forehead against her.

“I promise.” She nuzzles his nose, drawing a smile from his, almost despite himself. “There’s that handsome smile. Let’s go, Dr. Jones, we have lives to save.” In retrospect, she wishes she had taken a moment then, to see his smile fall the moment her back was turned, and his jaw clench tightly.

-/-

“Hey! You’re back!” Mary Margaret cries out the moment Emma and Killian walk - hand-in-hand - into the attendings lounge. Which just draws everyone’s attention to Emma, making her flush, brushing her hair away from her face self-consciously.

Mary Margaret Blanchard, her best friend since internship, when they were green as the grass and chanting carido, let’s go, is also extremely over dramatic sometimes.

“I was gone for a week. God.” Emma rolled her eyes, dropping her husband’s hand and going to hang up her jacket and grabbing her white coat.

“It doesn’t matter.” Mary Margaret pulls Emma into a quick hug, squeezing her tight. “I’m just glad you and the little duck are okay.” Emma meets Killian’s gaze, glaring as he stifled a laugh.

Little duck? she mouths at him, and he simply shrugs, dropping off his own jacket.

“I’m fine, B,” Emma murmurs, letting Mary Margaret get her fill of the hug.

Mary Margaret nods. She pulls back, suddenly excited as she bounces on the balls of her feet, her eyes glinting as she waves the iPad she was holding in Emma’s face. “You’re back just in time. Marco is on his way in. For his surgery.”

Emma’s eyes widen, her hands grabbing the tablet from Mary Margaret’s hands, scrolling through the patient file, just to make sure they are both talking about the same person.“What? No way.” She grins so wide, she can feel her cheeks twinge. “We got a heart?”

“We got a heart, baby! UNOS called this morning,” Mary Margaret confirms, her grin just as wide. “You think you’re ready for the surgery?”

Emma scoffs, grabbing the device. “Like I’m going to say no. I should call August.” She turns to Killian, shouting a nonsensical, We got a fucking heart!, stealing a quick kiss and rushes out the room, heedless to Killian’s call for her to be careful, Swan!

-/-

He chuckles at her retreating form, sharing an amused glance with Robin, who was lounging on the couch, a cup on coffee in hand.

“She seems to be doing fine.” Robin raises his eyebrows at Killian, when he doesn’t reply immediately. “What’s wrong?”

Killian shakes his head dismissively. “She says she’s fine.”

“And the baby?”

“Baby, too. Or so she says.”

“What, you don’t believe her? She is a doctor, you know,” Robin comments, getting up to rinse his mug.

“And yet, she didn’t realise she was having low blood sugar? Or that she was pregnant?” Killian signs, hating the bitter edge to his voice.

“You know how busy we get, Jones. She finished her fellowship year only a couple of years ago, she needs to put in the hours still. It probably just slipped her mind.”

Killian shoots him an incredulous look. Robin shrugs helplessly, patting him in an effort to cheer him up. “C’mon, Jones. Emma can take care of herself.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Killian shakes his head, plastering a smile on his face. “Yeah, mate. I know.” Killian grabs his own white coat, shrugging it on.

“Jones?”

“Yes, Locksley?”

“Listen, I know the last week was hard on you-”

Killian feels his breath catch, his heart in his throat. He feels the rage course through his blood, just thinking about it. “Don’t,” he growled. He can feel the darkness at the ebbs of his consciousness, and it must show, because Robin takes a step back. “I- I don’t want to talk about it, mate.”

“Killian.” Robin’s tone is almost a reprimand, and Killian isn’t ready to hear any of it.

“We all lose patients, mate. It happens. I’m fine.” The word tastes like the bitter lie it was. He is so far removed from fine, but he has a handle on it. He doesn’t need coddling.

-/-

“I really am fine.” Emma rolls her eyes, insisting for the third time in the past half hour, leaning against the nurse station’s desk, fiddling with her iPad, checking up on the cases she had left in Mary Margaret’s care.

“How was your staycation?” Mary Margaret asks, resting her arms on the counter.

“Ugh, so boring. Killian has been coming home late, like, all of last week.”

“Huh.”

Emma’s eyes narrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“You just said ‘Huh’ like you’re surprised that he came home late.” Emma’s gut clenches at the uncertainty on Mary Margaret’s face. “Blanchard, what’s going on? Did Killian say something?”

Mary Margaret bites down on her lip, her gaze lowering to her hands. “B, c’mon,” Emma implores, slipping into the nickname. Her tone is softer, the worry clear as day. “Tell me.”

“He didn’t tell you?” Emma apprehension multiplies tenfold by the undercurrent of concern in Mary Margaret’s tone, shaking her head ‘no’. “Emma, he lost a patient on monday. Ava Turner.”

Emma is pretty sure she gasps, or something that was pretty close to it, her hand covering her mouth. “What? I saw Ava here two months ago for her check-up. She was fine,” her voice cracks on the word fine, and with it her heart.

Mary Margaret’s expression turns somber, and almost something like regret in her eyes, that she is the one who has to tell  Emma. “It wasn’t her heart, Emma. She got into a car accident.”

Emma stop listening the moment she hears that, her throat suddenly too tight. She has known Ava since her second year of residency; Dr. French might have been her surgeon, but it was a pediatric case; she had been Killian’s patient, for years. “He never said a word to me,” Emma whispers, unsure whether she should feel guilty or angry.

“Maybe he thought you had enough to worry about,” Mary Margaret tries to explain, but it sounded flat even to her, Emma can tell, by the uneasy expression on her friend’s face.

She needs to see Killian. Ava Turner wasn’t just any other patient, at least not to Killian.

-/-

Regina stops her on her way to the pediatrics floor, almost surprised to see her. “Dr. Swan! I didn’t know you were coming back today,” Regina comments with a pleasant smile.

“Chief Mills,” she says in lieu of a greeting. “Yep, I’m back. I’m pregnant, not invalid,” she rolls her eyes, feeling a twinge of impatience. “In fact, I’m scrubbing in with Dr. Blanchard on Marco’s heart transplant.” And in that moment, despite her worry and anxiety and just straight up need to see her husband, she can’t keep the smile off her face at the mention of Marco’s surgery. “Finally,” she adds, just for effect.

“Good for him.” Regina pauses, as if contemplating her next words. “Is Jones in today?”

“Yeah. I’m on my way to see him now. Why?”

“I just assumed he’d want to take a couple of days off, is all. After what happened with Ava Turner.”

“Okay, what happened with Ava? Killian is fine at home. I don’t know what everyone is worried about?” Emma’s worry only increases. Is she not paying attention to her husband? Did she not notice that he was in pain?

Regina stares at her for a moment, before she purses her lips. “I think you ought to talk to him about it. All I know is he has been passing on surgeries for the past week, so I told him to take some time off. Our patients come to us for the best care, and we can’t be turning away cases. Not right now, with Dr. Weaver here to evaluate us.” She rolls her eyes when she mentions Dr. Weaver.

“Dr. Weaver? Who- How long was I gone?”

Regina smirks. “Oh, you’ll meet him soon enough. He’s here courtesy of my mother, who seems to think our standards of teaching need to improve.”

Emma huffs out a laugh at Regina’s dry tone. “Well, she does own this place,” she retorts. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Chief… I should find my husband.”

-/-

Killian has been hiding away in one of the fourth floor research rooms, trying to work on his paper. Or... maybe he should accept it for the excuse that it is, to hide away from the rest of the hospital, hoping that no one would disturb him. He has sent his resident to do his rounds on the post-op patients, knowing that Dr. Jain can hold her own. He isn’t able to bring himself to operate; he can’t bring himself to get back in the OR.

Ava had come to him when she was five years old, with a rare and complex CHD, transferred over from another hospital. She fought like hell every single day for five years, undergoing multiple surgeries, always greeting him with a big smile no matter what. Three times she almost got a new heart and three times, it fell through. It was heartbreaking for her family to see their daughter in so much pain. There were days when it was touch-and-go for Ava. No matter how many surgeries they had performed, she needed a new heart. And with her rare blood type, it took ages. After years on the list, she was finally matched with a donor, and her transplant had been successful.

She lived to see sixteen, to go to high school. To learn how to drive and to get a license. And then she got into a fucking automobile accident. Both he and Dr. French tried their best to stabilize her but the damage that was done was too much, and she bled out on the table.

He has come to accept that death was a part of his job, but that never makes it any easier to lose a kid. He has worked with tiny humans his whole career, and he knows it is hard to not form a connection with them. But Ava had been special - it astounds him even now how she never seemed to lose faith. She might have had her own moments of weakness, but she never failed to bounce back.

Killian runs his hands through his hair, his eyes closed trying to push the images of Ava bleeding out from his mind. A knock saves him from the torment, his eyes flying open.

“Hey.” Emma lingers at the door, her smile something soft. She was like the sun to all his rainy days, worming her way past the numbness that has settled over his heart. God, that was awful and cheesy.

“Hey, love.” He smiles at her, his lips pulling up automatically the moment he sees her. But even that feels exhausting. He is trying really hard to keep a calm facade around his wife, but it isn’t easy when they always share everything - the good and the bad. But Ruby had been very clear - this was a high risk pregnancy as it is for Emma, she does not need any undue stress. She doesn’t need his problems on top of everything else.

She pulls up a chair next to him, grabbing the arms of his own and pulling herself close until their knees are bumping against each other. She has a crease between her brows as she frowns at him, her head tilted to one side as if she was trying to read his mind. When he doesn’t relent to her questioning gaze, she lets out a small sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Ava Turner?” Her words come out in a barely audible whisper. The room suddenly feels like all the oxygen got sucked out of it. She isn’t supposed to know this, he never wanted her to.

He curses under his breath. “Freaking Blanchard.”

“Hey, don’t blame her. Mills told me, too. I would have found out eventually.” She drags his hands into her own, squeezing them gently. “The question is why weren’t you the one to tell me?”

“What’s there to tell, love? I lost a patient. It happens.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t believe you, babe.” Emma shrugs, dismissing his words easily. “I might not have noticed your pain, but I can still tell when someone’s lying to me. And you, Dr. Jones, are a big fat liar.” She says all this sotto voce, not even a hint of anger or hurt.

He clenches his jaw tight, his throat burning something fierce with unexpressed pain. “What of it?” he snaps instead of confiding with his love. He could have told her how much his heart aches with regret from not being able to save Ava. From fear for her and their child, for her health and her safety. He could have told her how fragile his hold on hope is right now. He could have told her that he so desperately wants a drink right now, so much so that he can practically taste the burn and the spice from the rum; that he could give a flying fuck about five years of sobriety, four of which he has spent with her. Instead, he snaps at her and she recoils, her walls threatening to fly up.

“Nope,” she grits out. “You’re not pushing me away, Killian.”

Killian refuses to burden her with his problems. She doesn’t deserve this mess, not before and most definitely not now. “Swan, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“How can I not? You’re keeping things from me, you’re refusing to confide in me - your wife. You’ve been so worried about me this past week, baby. Let me worry about you, too,” she whispers, getting up from her chair and maneuvering herself into his lap. She cards her fingers through his hard, her touch soothing and making him close his eyes on a sigh.

Just as he prepares himself to bare his soul to her, Emma’s beeper goes off.  She curses under her breath, grabbing it and cursing even more.

“911 from Blanchard, I need to go,” she says on a sigh, sounding apologetic. “Killian-”

“Go on, love. I’m fine.”

She raises her brows at him, in no way or form believing him. “I’ll be fine, Swan. Go, save lives and such.

She searches his gaze for something, he wasn’t sure what. But she mustn’t have found it, by the way her face fell.

“I don’t need to be at the surgery, Killian. Blanchard can handle it,” she whispers, carding her fingers through his hair again, Blanchard’s 911 all but forgotten it seems. “I want to be there for you.”

Killian hums, pressing his forehead to her shoulders, breathing in deeply. The smell of her deodorant, clean and something mildly floral, calming him with its familiarity. “As much as I appreciate it, Marco has been waiting for that heart forever. You need to be there. August would want you there.”

Emma bites down on her lip, still uncertain. But a moment later, she nods. “Fine. I’ll go. But we will continue this conversation!” She points a finger at him. She gets off his lap, walking backwards and making his gut clench because his wife the clumsiest person when she can see where she’s walking. “Don’t think we aren’t going to circle back to this!”

And then she thankfully turns around and walks away, her parting words lingering in the air. He breathes in deeply, the scent of her deodorant still sticking to him, and gets back to working on his research - for real this time.

-/-

Killian’s day doesn’t get any better after Emma’s brief - but welcome - visit. If he was being honest with himself, in a way that he ought to be with Emma, this is about more than just Ava, or even about Emma’s pregnancy. For eight years, he was under the impression that he had a better handle on his alcoholism - but all it takes is one small misstep to send him back to day 1. The more he tries to hold on to his sobriety, the more he wants to have a drink. He has always been weak, he just got over-confident over the years, thinking he is a survivor, that he is stronger than his disease. But he isn’t.

He really needs a drink.

He opens his desk drawer, pulls out his old flask. He never threw it away, said that he kept it as a reminder of his failures. But that was never the case, was it? A part of him always knew he wasn’t strong enough to resist temptation. He runs his thumb over the engraving on the front - Milah had bought it for him at an antiques shop, back when she had still been alive and thriving. When they had just been interns, starting out in a world yet unknown to them. She had always been embarrassed about how much older she was than the rest of the class, a 40-year-old divorcee, just starting out as a doctor after years of being a nurse and putting herself through medical school. She was wild and something fierce; she had made him come out of his shell. Losing her had shattered him, and for years he had given up on love. He had given up on plenty of things, if he was being honest.

And if it had not been for Belle and her unwavering support, he would have been sacked from his job a long time ago. A high functioning alcoholic, that’s what they called him at his intervention. It took them five years after Milah’s passing to notice the signs, and a year or thereabouts after to approach him about it. In fact, it had been Emma who had brought it up first. She was scrubbing with him on a surgery, and just before they were about to go in, she turned to him, her eyes sharp and boring into his.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Jones, but I can’t let you in there.”

“Pardon me?”

“I said I can’t let you in there.”

“Dr. Swan, I know that this is your first solo surgery, but I am still your attending,” he growls, furious at the audacity.

“You might be my attending, but Mikey is my patient and I will not put his life at risk.”

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”

She moves closer to him, almost toe-to-toe. Her words come out in an icy whisper, “You might think you’re hiding it well, under layers of cologne and mouthwash, but I know an alcoholic when I see one, Dr. Jones.”

He bristles. How dare she? “Dr. Swan, you are out of bounds-”

She sucks in a sharp breath. “You can reprimand me all you want - after the surgery,” she says firmly, and walks away, pushing the door to the OR open and leaving him speechless, shame and fury churning in his gut.

He had been tempted to write her up for insubordination, but what could he possibly say? That she had called him out for being an alcoholic? Because that would have gone well with the suits and the chief.

He started noticing the signs then, started trying to hide it. But once Emma said something, it felt like all eyes were on him. He couldn’t do his job anymore, and when Belle, Robin, Regina and David confronted him about it - he did not argue. He went to rehab, he worked the program, he accepted his suspension for what it was, and thanked God that he did not get his medical license revoked.

He had never been drunk while he was performing surgery; Emma had been wrong to think that. But if he had kept going on that path, it might have gotten to that stage. He owed her...everything.

She was on his service his first day back. It felt like some of kind of karmic justice.

“Dr. Swan, do you have a moment?” he asks, as they are both exiting the patient’s room after morning rounds.

She seems to stop short at that, clearly hesitant. “Of course, Dr. Jones.”

He tries to smile, building up the courage to tell her what he wants to. “I- uh. A few months ago, you confronted me about some- about my drinking problem. I just wanted to thank you. I’m working the program, you know, doing the steps and what-not. I would never- I’ve never operated drunk. I would never put a child’s life in danger.”

Swan remains quiet, waiting for him to continue. Her expression reveals nothing; she’s still as a stone, and closed off.

He clears his throat. “I wanted to thank you, for saying something. For confronting me.”

Swan stares at him, the silence between them stretching on for longer than he would like. He resist the urge to scratch behind his ear, knowing that would be an obvious tell about how nervous he is.

She nods, finally, a slight flush to her cheeks. “I’m glad you got the help you needed, Dr. Jones.”

He watches her walk away, and some part of him wanted to go after her. To fall in line, to get to know this resident who leaves him wanting to know more.

Over the years, he did find out more about Dr. Swan. He learnt that she was David Nolan’s younger sister, having changed her name so it did not seem like she got to where she was through anything else but her hard work. Especially, not her father, Dr. Robert Nolan’s influence in the medical community.

He learnt that she practically drowns her hot chocolate in whipped cream, adds just a sprinkling of cinnamon on top. He learnt that she has a good heart, even if she does guard it with iron walls and barbed wire.

He learnt that he could love again - because it was impossible not to fall in love with Emma Swan. She changed the narrative; she challenged him, she supported him. She was just a breath of fresh air.

It’s all these reasons why he has to stay sober now - for her. He does not want to put her through that, especially when she already has a lot on her plate.

He is pulled from his stream of consciousness by the incessant noise from his beeper, making him growl in annoyance. He is not taking any cases, and he has made that very clear to everyone, including the chief.

But when he sees the message from Blanchard, he’s on his feet and out the door in record time.

It’s Emma. OR 2. Hurry.

-/-

It had just been a routine heart transplant. Everything was going fine. They had been discussing Mary Margaret and David’s upcoming nuptials, joking about how much Emma intended to embarrass David with her speech.

The transplant went fine, and then it wasn’t.

The heart doesn’t start pumping, it does not pink up. Mary Margaret tries shocking it again, at a higher voltage.

Nothing.

She tries again, and again there’s nothing. The heart rate monitor shows just a flat line.

“Let me try massaging the heart,” Emma says.

“Emma, I don’t think-”

“It will, B. Hold on.”

Twenty minutes later, Emma is still trying to get the heart pumping. She can’t let Marco die - this is her best friend’s dad. August didn’t reach the hospital before they took Marco into surgery; he barely got to talk to his father on the phone. The last thing Emma said to him was to come and see his dad once he’s got a new heart.

God, she can’t let Marco die.

The only thing Emma can hear is the rush in her ears. The only thing that matters is to get Marco’s heart beating again. She just has to keep massaging it until it can work on its own. She doesn’t hear Mary Margaret’s voice, telling her to stop. She doesn’t hear her husband’s voice, doesn’t even realise that he is in the OR. She doesn’t feel the arms wrap around her, but she feels it when it makes her hands pull away from Marco’s chest cavity.

“NO! Stop it!”

“Swan, love. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

But she doesn’t register anything Killian says, pushing at the arms wrapped around her waist.

“Emma!” he snaps, pulling her around to face him. His hands cup her cheeks, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Swan, it’s over.”

“No, Killian. He was fine, the heart-” She bites down on her lip behind her mask. She can’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

“Dr. Swan, do you want to call time of death?” Mary Margaret asks her, a warble to her voice.

Emma swallows past the lump in her throat. She nods, pushing away from Killian and turning to face Mary Margaret. “Time of death: sixteen-oh-four,” she announces clinically, keeping a firm lid on her feelings.

She can feel her heart break, but she can’t let it show. Any more than she already has, at least.

“Swan, come on, love. Let’s get out of here.”

She shakes her head. “No, I need to tell the family. I need to talk to August.” Her voice is still restrained - a facade of professional indifference.

“Love, you don’t have to,” Killian inists. She bristled at his placating tone.

“I am a doctor. I do not need you to baby me. I can handle this.” She pushes past him, taking off her gown and gloves, stuffing it in the disposal. She looks past him at Mary Margaret, feeling enraged that she told her husband. “Dr. Blanchard, I’m guessing you can close?” She doesn’t wait for a reply.

She is halfway down the hall when Killian catches up with her, pulling on her arm and forcing her to stop.

“Swan, stop. I am not babying you.”

She turns around, pulling away from his grasp, her arms crossed across her chest. “Right. Sure you’re not,” she says wryly.

“Can you blame me for being concerned?” he snaps back.

“This is not about you being concerned. This is about you being so overprotective. It’s like you think I don’t know how to take care of myself. You have my friends keeping tabs on me, letting you know every time I so much as blink too much, Killian! What - do you think I don’t care about this baby as much as you do?”

He looks stricken, but Emma can’t seem to bring herself to feel bad. “Of course I don’t think that,” he whispers, and Emma can hear his voice crack.

Emma sighs, taking off her scrub cap and bunching it in her hands. “I need to go and see if August is here, Killian.”

She can tell he wants to say more, he wants them to talk. But she doesn’t have the patience for it. If there are going to fight, they can do so at home.

“Yeah, I understand, Swan. I- I’m so sorry about Marco. I know how much he meant to you.”

She nods stiffly, which makes his shoulders sag in defeat. He looks dejected, and she might be frustrated with him - hell, she is enraged, if she is being honest. He is being an overprotective idiot-man, but he is her overprotective idiot-man.

She reaches for his hand, squeezing briefly. “I’ll come see you after?”

“Sure, Swan,” he smiles tightly. She frowns, knowing that whatever he is going through, it’s just been exacerbated by this weird tension between them.

“Babe…”

“Go, love. We’re good.” He leans in to press a kiss to her cheek, his lips barely grazing her skin. He moves away before she can react or reciprocate, and is halfway down the corridor. Her eyes burn with tears, her throat tight. Everything was fine this morning - or so she thought.

Now, she has to inform her best friend that she couldn’t save his father. And her husband is keeping secrets from her.

She resists the urge to kick something, scrubbing her hand over her face, the braids she put her hair in starting to become painful, only adding to her headache.

She takes a moment to catch her breath, and prepare herself, before she walks into the waiting room. She prays that she doesn’t see August, just so she can have some time before she has to break the news to him. But she spots him the moment she enters the room, pacing restlessly, his jacket discarded next to his helmet on a seat nearby.

He looks different now, with a full beard and long-ish hair. More hardened after years on the road. God, she can’t tell him. She can’t, she can’t, she-

“Emma!” he calls out to her before she can actually run away. August is in front of her in three strides, faster than she anticipates. “How did the surgery go? When can I go see dad?”

Emma hopes that she looks more composed than she feels, because right now all she wants to do is cry. She’s known Marco since she was a kid, running away from home and just wanting to take a break. He’s one of the best people she knows...knew.

Marco’s house had been a sanctuary for Emma, ever since she was five years old. He lived right next door, and he had a son Emma’s age. August has been by her side through everything. It was not easy growing up as Robert Nolan’s daughter: there were always expectations. Her father was not cruel, but he had standards of behaviour that his children had to meet. They had to pick a path, and they were not allowed to deviate from it. Ever.

Robert  had been an imposing man, a hard to please man. But he never hesitated to do everything he could to get his children where they needed to go. But growing up without a mother, with just Robert’s often times overbearing nature - Emma needed the respite that Marco’s home provided. And August is the only person who understood her for a very long time. He is practically another brother to her.

“August,” she began on a stutter. “There was a complication during surgery-”

“No,” he breaths out, stepping back from her almost unconsciously.

She wants to stop. She can’t say it. She tries to make herself stop, but the words keep coming. “-we tried everything we could. But, your father- Marco died in surgery, August. I’m so sorry.”

She’s seen enough trauma come through in her life, and she remembers this one time a man came in with his entrails practically spilling out. She would never forget the look on that man’s face - that’s how she feels right now. She feels gutted, having to watch helplessly as August breaks down.

Over all these years of being a doctor, sensitivity training included having to tell the family of the patient’s demise. She’s seen a myriad of reactions - some people go right into denial, some people react in anger. Most of them break down crying, heaving breaths and ugly sobs, as if their bodies were not able to comprehend their loss, that the heartache was too much and it just spills over. She’s not a monster, she could never become immune to this. But she’s been trained to not react in the face of such utter devastation of the human spirit. She is the daughter of Robert Nolan; she ought to be made of sterner stuff.

All she wanted to do was break down with August, to mourn the man who was like a second father to her. It was supposed to be a routine fucking surgery.

August manages to compose himself long enough to ask her what happened.

“The surgery went fine, but the heart just did not take. I- I’m so sorry for your loss, August. There was nothing more we could do.”

She is hardly in control of what she is saying; half of what she says are rehearsed lines. Never tell anyone it’s your fault; tell them you’re sorry. Use the word: tell them their loved one died. Be firm, but compassionate. Be direct. Make sure you let them know you did everything you could. God, she wants to throw protocol out the window.

“I thought you said it was a routine procedure, Em!” he yells. Emma closes her eyes for a moment, pushing the guilt down, maintaining her composure.

She opens her eyes, forcing them to meet August’s. She can see the grief and anger swirling in their glass blue depths. Fuck.

“It was, Gus. It was; but there are always risks involved with surgery, especially at an older age.”

“This is my dad, Emma! I trusted you,” he hisses, his fists clenched at his side. “You said he would be fine.”

“Gus, I- I don’t-” She has no idea what she can say right now. She fucked up. She never should have said that. He was just upset that he couldn’t be there before they took Marco in for surgery, and she wanted to reassure him.

August lets out a deep breath, his tense shoulders dropping with the exhale. “It’s- it’s my dad, Em,” he murmurs, shuffling his feet and running his hand through his too long hair.

“I know, August.” She squeezes his bicep, offering him the only comfort she can give him.

-/-

It takes over an hour before Killian sees his wife again. She slinks into the research room, freshly showered and changed, wearing a sweater instead of the shirt she had on this morning. She closes the door, pressing her back against it and resting her head on it, her eyes falling shut.

He is out of his seat before her legs start wobbling, and he catches her as she collapses against him, her hands clasping the lapels of his coat in a white-knuckled grip.

“Swan!”

She manages to stay upright, but barely, half clinging to him. He can see the blotchy red spots on her cheeks and the redness in her eyes when she opens them. He can see her eyes begin to water again, but she keeps them at bay, stubbornly refusing to shed them.

“I-I’m fine,” she says, finally. The first words she’s said to him in hours, and despite the grief that tinges her words, he can tell that she means them.

He nods jerkily, unwilling to relinquish his hold on her, instead, guiding her to sit on the chair he had abandoned. She almost groans in relief, her shoulders shagging and head dropping over the back of the chair. He resists the urge to ask her how long she’s been standing on her feet.

He takes a seat on another chair, pulling it to settle facing her, knees bumping hers. “How is August?”

“Not good,” she mumbles, her eyes fixated on a point on the ceiling. “I don’t know- I didn’t know what to say.”

He can see her struggling not to cry, and it breaks his heart. It makes his worry sky rocket, too. But before he can say anything, she speaks, her gaze trained on the ceiling still.

“I’m sorry, Killian.”

Killian startles at that, his spine ramrod straight. What could she possibly apologise for?

“Swan, you have nothing to apologise for, love.”

Emma clears her throat, brushing at the few tears that have fallen, looking at him right in the eyes. “I’m sorry I snapped. I know you don’t think me incapable.”

He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face, the exhaustion setting in. “Yeah, you’re right, I don’t.” He hesitates, before he adds. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you are.”

She lets out a watery chuckle, pulling at the sleeves of her sweater, so they hang over her hand, covering them entirely. He hates it when she does that, stretching out the knit, but he will hate it more if she stops. It’s quirks like these that he loves about his wife.

“We’re just on an apology train today, aren’t we?”

“All aboard the self-pity express,” he adds, with a half smile, drawing a chuckle out of her.

She gets off her seat, easing herself into his lap with a dramatic sigh. She places her head on his shoulder, snuggling into him when he wraps his arms around her. Neither of them speak for a long while, the silence that envelops them comforting and one that they are quite familiar with.

“Killian…”

“Yes, darling.”

He feels her take a deep breath, and he knows immediately what she’s about to ask. “Why didn’t you tell me about Ava Turner?”

“Emma, it’s not important.”

-/-

Any other time, Emma would have exploded. She would have argued, or yelled. She would have raised her voice; angry that her husband is pretending to be so cavalier. But she is so tired - she can feel the bone deep exhaustion as it threatens to overwhelm her. She can feel the knots in her neck just as much as the metaphorical ones in her gut, telling her that something more was going on with her husband, something she ought to have noticed a while back. So, she doesn’t yell or even raise her voice. She tamps down on the urge to cry - it seems like every small thing is making her cry nowadays, and it’s already been an emotionally draining day.

She hums low in her throat, pressing her nose to Killian’s neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne. “Of course it is,” she whispers fiercely. “I have had people come up to me and express concern for you - my husband. I had no idea you were even- I know you’re worried about me, but that doesn’t mean you should keep things from me. Please, baby. Talk to me?”

She pauses, knowing that Killian needs a moment. He will talk, she knows he will. She feels his grip on her tighten for a moment before he deflated completely. “I- I tried everything to save her, Swan. She bled out on the table and I couldn’t stop it. She was lucid, when she came into the ER. She was talking to me, and she was just- Fucking dammit,” he cuts himself off, his jaw clenching as tears rapidly filled his eyes.

Emma shifts in his lap, reaching for his clenched fists and clasping them between her hands, her thumb brushing against his tight knuckles.

“She just turned sixteen, Emma. She was just a kid, and she was finally having a normal life. Her life slipped right out of my hands, and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“Baby, you did everything you could.”

“You don’t know that, Swan. You weren’t here,” he argued, the anger in his voice scaring her. Not because it is directed at her, but because he seems more angry at himself.

“I know you. I know you would have tried everything.” When he does not say anything in response, and when he doesn’t meet her eyes, she makes him, gently turning him by his chin toward her. “I know you cared for her a lot. She is not just any other patient. You know as well as I do, sometimes there really isn’t anything we can do. Today is an example of just that.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Swan. Just drop it.”

“But-”

“Bloody fuck, Swan. I said drop it!” he yells, startling her out of his lap and on to her feet. He immediately looks guilty for the outburst, getting up and reaching for her, buts Emma steps back, almost involuntarily, her eyes wide and mouth agape, stunned.

“Darling, I- I’m sorry.”

Emma stuffs her hands in her jacket pocket so he doesn't see them tremble. She is not scared of her husband, but she knows what’s happening with him now. This is - God, this is about so much more than Ava Turner. “No, no, you’re right. I should have dropped it.”

She starts gathering her things, and she can feel his guilt radiate off of him. She wants to go to him, comfort him. But she can’t - her own fear and guilt are eating her up alive. She just- she feel a heavy weight on her heart, and she needs a moment.

“What’re you- where are you going?” he asks, a desperation to his tone and she is certain that she’s being split into two.

“I’m going home, Killian,” she says on a deep sigh. God fucking dammit, she is exhausted.

He shuffles where he stands, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Both of them stare at each other, neither finding the right words.

“Should I - Can I come home?”

Emma is pretty sure that her heart is in pieces now. God, he looks so lost. It breaks her, and she drops her stuff, reaching him in two strides and throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him to her.

“Always,” she whispers, against his shoulder. “You can always come home.” She pulls back, her hands coming up to delicately frame his face, swiping at the wetness under his eyes. “Killian, just tell me. I know you’re not telling me something. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”

-/-

Tell her, you fool. Just tell her. Tell her you are slipping. Tell her you need help, tell her you don’t trust yourself to be alone anymore. Just fucking tell her-

“Emma, I-”

But before he can say another word, the door to the room bursts open, revealing Dr. Jain, panting for breath and looking terrified.

“Dr. Jones, we need you in OR 1.”

“Jain, I told you. I’m not-”

“Now, sir,” she demanded, swallowing thickly. “Please.”

Killian looked between Emma and Jasmine, feeling conflicted, not knowing if he can do this.

“Dr. Jones!”

“Okay, let’s go,” he says finally, the distress evident in Dr. Jain’s voice. She wouldn’t ask him if it wasn’t serious.“I’ll see you at home, Swan?”

She nods, and with a quick squeeze of her hand, he’s running out the door.

-/-

“Dr. Weaver, Dr. Fisher, I’m here. What’s happening?” Killian asks, walking into the OR, freshly scrubbed, and slipping into the gown and gloves.

Ariel Fisher looks up at him, panic evident in her eyes. “Dr. Jones, I’m not able to get the bleeding under control.”

Killian’s eyes widen, anger simmering in his belly. He turns to Weaver. “You let a resident operate on a kid?” he demands, pushing everyone aside to get a better visual, taking over from Dr. Fisher.

“It was just a routine surgery.”

“Dr. Fisher is a second year resident. She is not ready to fly solo on a child,” Killian grits out, trying to find the bleeder. “Clamp, clamp, now!” he barks, grabbing it from the nurse’s hand as soon as she hands it over.

“That is not how my teaching program works, Dr. Jones,” Dr. Weaver snaps back, assisting Killian.

“Your teaching program should not include operating on children, Weaver. You’re not a peds surgeon. You should have consulted with me.”

“Oh, forgive me, Dr. Jones, but you were indisposed and did not wish to be disturbed,” Weaver drones.

Killian can feel the utter disdain simmering in his gut. “Weaver, a kid isn’t like an adult. You can’t expect Dr. Fisher to be able to perform a procedure she has only practised on a adult before. I am the head of paediatrics here, and I should have been informed. Which you did not do.”

The machines around them started beeping loudly, making Killian curse under his breath. He can’t seem to find a visual still- there was just too much blood and he can’t seem to stop it.

“Dammit, her blood pressure is dropping.”

“I need to see, fuck. Lap pads, now!”

The machines were still beeping, without an end in sight. Killian knows that there is no coming back from this. The kid’s lost too much blood, and the more bleeders he clamps, the more that seem to pop up. He should have been here, he should have supervised the surgery.

He shouldn’t have handed the reins to Dr. Jain. He was the attending, and he should have been here. He should have prevented this. He can’t lose another kid, he just can’t.

-/-

Ariel is frozen, staring with wide-eyed horror as the attendings try and save the life that she was responsible for. She wants to move, she wants to do something, but from the moment Dr. Jones had pushed her to the side, she can’t look away from the result of her mistake. The kid - Maria, her name was Maria - she is going to die. She is supposed to be on a cruise with her parents now, but instead, she is going to die.

And it is all her fault. She should not have been so cocky. She should have voiced her concern when she had it - she should have told Dr. Weaver that she’s never performed this procedure on a child before. She should have listened to Jasmine when she told her to go to Dr. Jones.

She is unmoving, her gloved hands covered in Maria’s blood. She watches as Maria blood pressure drop, she watches as each blood drenched piece of cloth is discarded to the side. She made a mistake and Maria is paying for it with her life.

She swears her heart plummets to the ground when the girl flatlines, the long beep loud in the suddenly loud room. The surgeons have stopped - there’s nothing more than can be done.

“Time of death, twelve-oh-two am,” Dr. Jones calls out.

-/-

The three surgeons file out of the OR, their gowns and gloves discarded in the medical waste bin. Killian catches sight of Dr. Fisher, who was barely holding it together. He failed her - he should have been in the OR, guiding her. He is her teacher.

“I, uhhh. I- What did I do to her?” she whispered, horrified. Tears were welling in her eyes, and Killian can feel his heart constrict thinking about the little girl’s parents.

He turns to Dr. Weaver, waiting for him to answer her. But that man looks just as lost as he feels, but when he meets Killian’s gaze, he nods.

“We go and inform the family. We tell them we did everything we could, but there were some complications,” Dr. Weaver responded.

No matter how much he loathed the man a while ago, Killian respects that he did not throw Ariel under the bus.

“But I did that. I killed Maria,” Dr. Fishers stutters out, her lower lip trembling and she bites down hard on it.

“You made a mistake, Fisher,” Killian finally says. “And now, you will learn from that mistake. The next time you enter the OR, you’ll carry this memory with you and you will make sure that the next one survives. The next time, you will call me.” He tries to not sound too harsh; she doesn’t need that right now. She needs to know that she’s going to be alright.

“Ariel, Dr. Jones and I can go inform the parents,” Dr. Weaver offered, and Killian was about to protest. But Ariel surprised him.

“No, I should do it. You said it yourself, Dr. Weaver. I am Maria’s lead surgeon. I will talk to her parents.” Killian can still see her struggling to hold her tears at bay, but she has her head held up high.

It makes him realise that he needs to take up some accountability as well. He needs to make some changes.

“You got this?” he addresses Weaver, who nods wordlessly walking with Ariel.

Killian marches in the opposite direction, heading to Mills’ office. He needs to do something he should have a long while back.

-/-

Emma is struggling to keep her eyes open. She has been waiting for her husband to return for hours and it is well past midnight now. She is half convinced that he’s spending the night in the on-call room, even if he is, in fact, not on-call, just so he could avoid her.

It saddens her to feel so helpless when it comes to her husband. They’ve been together for ages, it should not be so hard. He can’t keep trying to protect her all the time; that’s not how their relationship has been. He knows that she’s strong enough to handle things by herself.

Ruby should have never told Killian anything about her blood pressure. Emma might not say it, but she is worried for the baby. She knew when they found out that they were pregnant, that it would be high risk. She’s not exactly young - she knows the complications that come with a late stage pregnancy. But she’s fairly healthy, and she can take care of herself - or so she’s trying to convince herself.

She rubs absent-mindedly at her chest, her heart heavy with worry. She does not want to think about it - she wants to believe that her husband will come to her if things really get that bad. But as the hours pass, her mind runs rampant with the worst case scenarios. She doesn’t want to think that her husband has fallen off the wagon, so to speak. But the more she thinks about his behaviour the past week, the more she starts to believe that Killian has started drinking again.

If he has, they will deal with it. She will ask him when he gets back home, whenever that is. And they will figure it out. They will be fine. She tries not to overthink, she tries to repeat over-and-over in her mind that they will be okay. She tries to remain calm, knowing that he has to be the one to come to her; that she can’t just jump down his throat.

It’s well past 2 am when she hears the locks click and their front door open. Emma sits up straighter on the couch, putting down the book she was only half-focused on, biting her lip in anticipation.

Killian is almost startled to see her, jumping a bit when he turns from locking up the door to see her sitting in the semi-darkness of the living room, the only light is from the lamp she has on.

“Swan, what’re you doing up? It’s late, love.” He sinks into the couch next to her, closing his eyes and letting out a groan as he stretches his arms above his head, his joints popping. “Gods, I’m exhausted.”

“Where were you?” She winces the moment she says those words, knowing how it might have come across.

His eyes shoot open, his lips pressed thin, she can tell that it came out exactly how she didn’t want it to. “At the hospital.” He sits up, facing her properly. “Where did you think I was?”

Emma sighs, reaching for his hand, letting him know that she didn’t mean to sound accusing. “I didn’t think you were coming home tonight.”

That seems to make the tension in his posture reduce, at least a little. “Yeah...I’m sorry we left things so, erm, uncertain.”

She smiles then, leaning against the soft fabric of the couch. “I know. Me too.” She pauses for a beat. “Let’s go to bed?”

Killian looks surprised, and she isn’t sure if he’s surprised that they aren’t continuing their conversation or because she wants him in bed with her. She doesn’t know what hurts more.

(The bed thing. Definitely the bed thing.)

“Let’s just sleep. It’s been a long day and I just want to crawl under the covers with my husband and fall asleep,” she says, almost a plea. She knows she sounds desperate to hold on to some semblance of normality but she honestly doesn’t care anymore.

She wants him to relent. She just wants them to close their eyes and pretend that everything is still fine. But he looks conflicted, and she almost groans out loud.

“Love, I need to tell you something,” he begins. The trepidation in his voice is not helping her stay calm.

“I know, Killian. Just - let’s talk tomorrow, okay?” she tries, tugging on his hand.

“Wait - You know? How?” His brows furrow, almost confused that she has figured it out. Almost as if he wasn’t sending out blaring signals.

“Killian.” She whines. She can’t help it. She’s several weeks pregnant, she’s had a long day and it’s past 2 am! Tears of frustration sting her eyes - why does he get to decide when they will and won’t talk. She has been wanting to talk since this morning and he choose now?!

“You’re not that discreet, buddy,” she snarls. “I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me, Killian. You could have come to me and we could have figured it out.”

“Figure- Love, what do you think I wanted to talk to you about?” She wants to slap him. She really just might. How can he still keep pretending?

“Dammit, Jones. I know you’re drinking again.”

Okay, he looks upset now. Maybe she is wrong. Shit shit shit.

Fuck.

“You think I’m drinking again?” he asks, his voice quiet. He’s hurt, she knows he is. Well, she can’t take back what she said. And maybe, she’s not wrong.

“I don’t know what to think. I’m concerned. Just tell me - are you?”

The pause between her question is the longest one she’s experienced. The heaviness in her heart just grows more and more with each passing second, and she is so close to shaking him. Her hand subconsciously reaches for her bump, rubbing it like she would a worry stone, trying to calm herself down. She’s holding her breath, waiting for the blade of the guillotine to drop on their lives.

“No, I am not drinking again, Emma.” Every word rings true, and Emma lets out the breath she was holding. But...there’s an unsaid ‘but’ at the end of his sentence that makes her heart race and her gut clench, and God, how is she expected to keep her blood pressure from sky rocketing.

“There’s more to it.”

Killian nods, biting the inside of his cheek. “I wanted to,” he confesses, staring down at their entwined hands, his thumb running over her knuckles. “Gods, I just wanted a drink so fucking bad, Swan.”

“Baby-”

“After Ava…. I couldn’t do it, anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to get into an OR and operate anymore. I can’t save these kids from the everything out there in world, how am I going to protect our kid from it?” His words break her. It breaks him, too, apparently, because he falls into her arms, burying his face in the space between her neck and shoulder, tears hot on her skin.

She runs her finger through his hair, her throat tight and it’s so hard to breathe, and how the fuck can this day keep giving her reasons to cry, still. She can’t bring herself to say empty words of assurance, she can’t bring herself to lie, when she’s been asking herself the same question.

How can she be a good mom, when she didn’t even know she was pregnant? How can she be a good mom, when she wants to, in equal parts, be a hands-on mom and a hands-on surgeon? How can she be a good mom, when she couldn’t even tell that her husband was struggling?

“We will do the best we can, Killian,” she whispers against his ear, pressing her lips to the side of his head.

She feels him take a deep breath, pulling away. She swipes at his wet cheeks, her mouth turned down. She feels lost, but she’s at least lost with him.

“I took a sabbatical from work,” he blurts out.

“What?”

“Yeah. For six months.”

“When did you decide this?” She’s not sure if she’s upset or surprised.

“A couple of hours ago. That’s why I’m late. I was discussing it with the chief. I had paperwork.”

“Paperwork?” she repeats, because she doesn’t know what else to say. This is fast - and unexpected. She’s not against it, per se, but, she didn’t even know he was thinking about it. He didn’t even discuss it with her.

“Swan.”

“What?”

“I’d love to know what you’re thinking,” he says, a tremulousness to him, so unlike how self-assured he sounded moments ago. It was giving her whiplash.

“You’ve taken a sabbatical - so you’re not going to the hospital?”

“No, no. I will, for consults. I’m taking a break from surgery; focus on my research with Locksley.”

She hums in the back of her throat, because what else can she say. He should have come to her, the asshole. “Cool, cool. Also, what the fuck?”

He winces, and she doesn’t blame him. He should wince. She’s annoyed. And she’s...confused.

“I should explain.”

“Yeah, that’d help,” she snaps, even if she doesn’t mean to. She rephrases. “I’m sorry. Just - yeah. An explanation would be good.”

“I’ve been sober for a while, right? And I think that just made me cocky? Or something. When Ava died, it was right after your, ah, your fainting incident, and finding out I’m to be a father. It was just all so-” He shudders and she tries not to be too offended. He notices, of course. “That’s not what I meant. I meant that… I was scared. I was fucking terrified. After what Ruby said, I just wanted to stay at home with you and never leave your side until the baby’s here. And that’s impossible, I know.”

“Yeah, you better.”

He huffs out a laugh, and the mood lightens a tad. “I didn’t want to worry you, Emma. And for that, I’m sorry.”

-/-

She is kissing him, and he is mostly surprised, but he would be a fool if you think he doesn’t respond almost immediately. He’s pretty sure he even whimpered a bit. Her lips are soft and inviting against his, and it is just that simple. It’s simple, and neither of them wished to take it further than that. It is tender and sweet, and just what the doctor ordered apparently, because he feels like he can breathe again since that evening.

She rests her forehead against his a moment later, a smile dancing on her lips. “I just needed a moment,” she says, pulling back and drawing her knees to her chest, resting her cheek on it.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“I wish you had just come to me. I wish you’d talk to me. When we got married, we promised that we’d not keep things from each other,” she says softly. He knows she’s trying not to sound disappointed, but he knows her well enough to sense that she is.

“I know. I was trying to handle it myself.”

Emma hums, but he knows she’s hurt.

“Hey, it’s not that I can’t come to you,” he says.

“It’s that you didn’t want to.”

He hates that it’s the truth. He didn’t. “Yeah.”

“I know that you don’t like talking to me about your drinking. I know that you don’t want to worry me. But you not telling me things, that still worries me, Killian.”

“Yeah, I know.”

She makes a frustrated noise at the back of her throat. “So, you’re on sabbatical?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you please say something else except, ‘yeah’?” she snaps.

“I love you.”

“Charming. But that’s not what I meant.”

“I know. But it warrants saying. All the time, forever.” She smiles at that, and that’s all he ever wants, in an ‘all the time, forever’ kind of way.

He sucks in a deep breath. “I think I need to go back to therapy.” It’s hard for him to admit, and he knows that it’s harder for his wife to hear it.

But in all these years of being together and a team, he has never found it easy to talk to her about his alcoholism. And it’s not because he thinks Emma will be disillusioned of him. She knows all the dark and gritty parts of him, and she’s accepted them as much as the rest. It’s just - it’s unnecessary to worry her with every single detail. To make her feel helpless.

“I think that’s a good idea,” she confesses. “But this parenting thing? We’re both in it together. We will make mistakes, and it won’t always be the best. But I still need you, okay? I need you to be okay, too”

“I know. And we are in this parenting thing together.”

And he knows that they have more to talk about. This isn’t the end, it isn’t going to be rainbows and sunshine. Emma’s still having a high risk pregnancy, and he’s still an alcoholic and he still very much needs a drink. But knowing the odds that they have crossed - his alcoholism, the hospital shooting, her father passing away,  her accident in her final year of residency, his father coming back into their lives - all of it, just shows that they’ve fought for their love every step of the way. They weren’t destined, real life rarely works that way, but goddammit, he’s unbelievably lucky that he gets to spend his life with Emma Swan.

He’ll be damned if he squanders it away.

“Ready to head to bed?” he asks through a yawn.

“God, yes. Can you carry me?” she requests, raising her arms at him.

“Yeah, no. That’s not happening. I’m far too exhausted. If I don’t drop you, I will probably injure you.” He pulls her up, letting her rest most of her weight on him, listening to her sleepy whining as they head to their bedroom.

Once they’re settled, her head on his chest and her bump resting lightly against his hip, sound asleep, he thinks once again about how grateful he is for having her in his life.

They’re not perfect. But they fit, they make it work.

And that’s enough for him.

[footballwritersprofile-blog]

Football Fic Writer Profile - Eafay

People, fun fact of  this post: the writer that we are featuring today? It’s her BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!! (throwing confetti)

If you still haven’t guessed who she is, here’s One keyword about this fic writer that we are going to interview today: MASCOTS.

Yes, some of you might just need that one word to immediately know who it is that we’re going to know better this time.)

Eafay, can be found on AO3 as eafay70, or also on Tumblr as @eafay70​ where she usually posts those little cute drabbles based on some prompts.

Let’s kick-off this interview with this excerpt from one of her works:

James and Toni later revealed that it had been the priest with the strong resemble to Zizou who had distracted James while Toni escaped. The florist, who had both a man-bun and really big glasses, was the one who started crying when James ran out of the church; the caterer, who had a lumberjack-style beard, was the one who lost a bet to the jilted bride over the whole thing.

“Once Upon a Time There Was…No, There Wasn’t!”

Eafay is from New Jersey, USA, and aside from watching football and writing fics, she also enjoys watching NCIS. She is Jewish and for her, her faith is something really important for her.  A fun fact about her, she has a cat named Sukkah!

 Her number one team would be Werder Bremen in the Bundes Liga. But it’s not the only league that she is watching, as she also watches other leagues and has her favorite in each of the league. In the Premier League, the team that she is supporting is Liverpool, and in La Liga, she supports Malaga.

Ever since a young age, Eafay has already had an active imagination. “[I] would come up with stories of all kinds in my head, but I didn’t start writing them down until high school.” The story was usually about girls with magical power, or even about her stuffed animals. Well, so we guess that’s how she got her soft spot for the mascots, yes?

About why she loves writing, she said that in general, she finds it soothing. And with all the ideas that she has in her head, she likes to get them out of her head onto the page. Just like what she said when we asked what does writing mean for her, “Writing is creating a world and putting it in black and white.”

She can get her ideas from just about anything, Her inspiration can come from songs, YouTube videos, pictures that she found online, or even something as simple as a piece of commentary during a match. Her idea usually comes with already a specific character for it. If the piece of writing that she is working on is a one-shot, she will usually finish it within one-sitting, where she just directly types it on her computer. If it’s needed, she will do some research for her fics as she is writing it.Eafay’s favorite genre to write would be romantic fluff, and she mentioned family/kidfic as another genre that she likes to write. When it comes to angst, she said that she doesn’t write a lot of angst. But when she does write one, then it will be an angst with a happy ending. “[…] – writing is a form of escapism for me, so the angsty parts tend to reflect whatever’s upsetting me in real life, and I give the characters a happy ending because that’s what I want for myself.”

Since she mentioned that family/kidfic as one of the genre that she enjoys to write, let’s have a look at this line taken from one of her works:

Once again, it was Neuller vs. Hoemmels in the Battle of the Father Figures. And once again, the sons in question were staying out of it. 

“Anything Yours Can Do, Ours Can Do Better”

During the EURO 2016, she found Football RPF on AO3. And in November 2016, she started writing her own football fics. Her first fic was a cute Morisco fic, titled “He Isn’t Speaking My Language!”,  where Alvaro gets annoyed by Isco’s new habit of speaking to Cristiano in Portuguese with Alvaro standing right there, unable to understand a word. Even though she writes a lot of Erik Durm/Marco Reus fics, she said that it’s more because the authors whose works she first fell in love with write a lot of Erik Durm/Marco Reus. In fact, she doesn’t actually have any particular players to write about. 

What she enjoys the most about writing football fics is how she can let her imagination run wild while watching matches.Those of you who already read her works probably have already noticed that her works often come with this great sense of humor. She said that usually, her goal is to make herself laugh. Yet, she finds it pleasantly surprising to know when other people also find it funny. Aside from that, we can see from her works that she has written a wide variety of fics with different genre and plot. Nevertheless, she admits that one of the things that she thinks she still needs to work on planning longer fic. When we asked her how she tries to improve her writings, she said “[…] by rereading old fics and seeing what doesn’t work, and by reading other people’s fics and thinking about what I do and don’t like about them.”. 

We also asked her to pick a particular work that she’s most proud of, she chose “I May Not Stand Tall, But Without You I’d Fall”. At first she wrote it for the person that she beta, but then the fic gets such a well response from other people. “It was very touching to see other people read it and want a sequel,” she said.

At the moment, her ongoing WIP is a story called David and the Englishmen, with David Silva as one of the main characters, along with James Milner and Joe Hart. You should check out the fic, even if you’re not a City fans, but it’s such a cute and funny fic about a potential polyamory relationship between David and the English men.Besides Football RPF, now she is also writing fics for the Hockey fandom. So people, if you’re also in the Hockey fandom, you should definitely read her stuffs!

This is her tips on writing that she would like to share with us: “Don’t give up!”

Well, Eafay, it’s been very nice to know more about you and your writing. To end this interview, let’s have a look at another line from one of her fics:

"The very friendly beasts agreed with the blue moon aliens that nobody should ever feel alone, and everyone should have a love of their own." 

“Once Upon a Time in Manchester City”

And that’s it for now, lovely people! We hope you enjoy getting to know more about one of the talented writers! See you in the next article, featuring the profile of another football fics writers!

[quintessentiallygifted]

Prompt #11

Thanks. @scriptedgem for this!! 😊

Sorry if I went too sad/angsty.. if you want the other one/something different let me know 😁😃

“I never want to see white walls ever again”

Clarice shuddered as she entered the HQ. The slightly yellowed walls unfamiliar after the almost blindingly white ones of Trask Industries. She haltingly makes her way to her room, she feels empty. Absent. Like she’s not really here.

Since the moment that Sonia’s death hit home, the rage and helplessness overcoming her, she’s been running on autopilot. Brief moments like seeing 3 Esmes’ and the first sight of John, Marcos and Lorna made an impression. The rest was Melded together; her cell, the van, escaping, portals, driving, home.

She should probably start feeling something now.... right? Relief, sadness or something? She sits, waiting for it to come. Worrying slightly when it doesn’t. It’s there, she can feel it. Like a stone inside her, a heavy weight.

Clarice glances up as she hears a light knock on the door.

“Hey. Can I come in?”

She nods. The suppressed emotions become suffocating. She wants to curse or scream. She doesn’t want an audience when she falls apart.

He sits next to her on the bed, she should apologize, offer her condolences or say something. Anything. But she’s silent. Still trying to figure it out.

John raises his hand, wants to comfort her. Her silence, her mannerisms and just her feel wrong. When she doesn’t move he lets it fall to the bed, bridging the gap between them. He’s pieced together what happened. Between her brief recount when she found them and a later one from the siblings, he has a pretty fair idea what she’s been through. He hasn’t mourned Sonia yet. He will, but right now there’s nothing he can do for her. For Clarice? He remembers her reactions after seeing the destruction of her childhood, but this is different. Witnessing death, fearing your own. He understands that, knows the guilt that accompanies surviving.

She screams inside her mind to say something like she’s sorry for his loss or I’m sorry I gave her hope before watching her die. But she can’t make the words come out.

She turns to face him, looking at him never fails to bring her deepest emotions to the surface. It doesn’t fail this time either. He’s looking at her all soft eyes and that feeling of safety surrounds her. He would protect her because that’s who he is.

She can’t stop the tears that fall from her face as jumbled words escape her mouth. His hand moves to her shoulder, gently tugging til she’s in his arms and she lets it all out. The tears cathartic, like a tap releasing the pressure. She feels his arms tight around her, the weight heavy and comforting.

As her tears run their course, the stream reducing to a few stray tears, she pulls back rubbing harshly at her eyes. Despite releasing her pent up emotion on him, she’s yet to say anything remotely understandable.

Clarice glances around, the relief of being here finally soothing her as she breaks the barrier, her voice rough and slightly hoarse “I never want to see white walls again.”

She’s not sure if she expects to lighten the atmosphere, but as she glances at John, sees the softness of his eyes harden, she scoots away from the hand reaching towards her. Now she’s speaking actual words, she needs to get this out.

“I’m sorry.” It’s a whisper “I- I wish I could have saved her. That I had done something-“

He cuts in, not wanting her to go down this path “Hey, this isn’t your fault. Okay?”

He waits till her gaze is back on him before continuing “none of what happened is your fault. We shouldn’t have asked you to go into a building you had no information on. Once caught you gave everyone a chance to get away. You were a friend to Sonia when she needed one and you had no way of stopping Trask from firing that gun. You did everything right and the rest isn’t on you.”

He sighs as her eyes flicker to the window again. It will take time for her to accept what’s happened, even longer for her to understand that none of it was her fault. He needs to check on everyone else. Maybe go beat up some trees to release his anger but he will check on her again. Once she’s had time to decompress.

Clarice looks at him. Nods as she hears him say he will be back. Once he’s gone, the comfort of the room disappears. The walls feel like they are closing in on her, so she quickly pulls a portal, satisfaction flowing through her at the familiar action.

She sits outside leaning against the building, lets the cool breeze wash over her. One minute she’s awake, the next she’s asleep as exhaustion overwhelms her.

She doesn’t awaken when she’s carried to the roof of the building. Nor does she awaken as the stars glitter closer than before, as someone sits guard beside her unwilling to let her face the monsters alone.

[empresskira]

"Leave me alone already" with marcoacesabo?(ace wanting to be left alone

Feeling slightly angsty? XD Sorry for any mistakes~!

Enjoy~!

“Leave me alone already!” The words were practically like venom dripping from his lips, making the two blond men flinch at how much he shows his words. They had been merely trying to get Ace into a better mood since it seems their love has been showing festering with a strain look. 

Both let the other walk away in their apartment to the extra room, a place that visitors stayed but now Ace is holing himself in there. Neither men left standing behind the couch in the living room knew what was going on. Taking time to give space and attention, but it seems Ace had been pushing them farther away. Being pressed back brought worry to them as they weren’t used to their lover being anything but a ray from the blazing sun. Sure, he has a fiery temper, but never something they couldn’t settle or leave to cool off. This has been going on for a good two weeks, the second week Ace began to sleep in the other room.

“We can’t let him keep doing this, yoi…” Marco comments as nothing but blazing concern lingers in his blue eyes as they stare down the hall before looking to the man beside him.

“Did… did we do something wrong?” The soft voice has Marco worry as he knew how sensitive Sabo could be when upsetting one of his lovers badly. It’s happened a few times, the other two having to coax him that they were just upset and everything was okay. 

“Sabo…” A hand brushes through blond locks and brings the other closer to kiss at the top of his head. “It’s okay… We just need to talk with him… Something isn’t right…” Marco tries to coax as he feels like something really was wrong with the situation at hand. They trust one another and usually gave about something after a few days to mull over whatever it could be at the time. “Come on, yoi…” He mentions while bringing a hand to grab Sabo’s, feeling as fingers grip his for the reassurance.

They had been relieved when the doorknob was left unlocked, Marco knocking as Sabo slowly opens it. “I said to leave me alone!” Ace vehemently remarks while huddled to the wall on the floor so that he faces the bed’s headboard. The jaw is set tight with eyebrows furrowed and those dark eyes glaring to the wood in front of him.

“We just want to know what’s going on, Ace.” Marco starts while they move closer, noticing how tan arms tighten around legs. On closer examination, he could see the twitching of a freckled cheek and then the ear, showing a sign of restraint. It was the restraint to not break down, knowing this side of the other only on a few rare occasions and it seems by the clutching of his hand that Sabo sees it too.

“What’s happened?” Sabo starts moving to the other who is breathing heavily before turning his head. Trembling starts, having both blond lovers move to be there right next to Ace. The dark hair shifts as he bows his head and starts to let out small whimpers as he never was one to steel himself when it came to the two.

“I-I…” Ace tries to start, not once looking to his lovers with a heavy weight pushing down at his shoulders. “I got the same… the same thing my dad did…” It is a whisper, but the two hear it clearly and are surprised at the news.

“When you had your appointment recently?” Sabo asks in slight confusion as Ace only mentioned of going in for a routine checkup since he knew five years was long enough to not see a doctor. It was evident Ace didn’t like hospitals, the two never forced him and were happy he was doing a wellness checkup.

“Y-Yeah…” Ace comments without looking to them and stiffens at the hands touching him, one along his arm and the other on his back. “I had… noticed the symptoms, so I wanted… t-to see…” The shaking picked up with tightening arms and left his two lovers feeling a clench to their heart at the sight.

“That changes nothing, Ace.” Marco comments before he was startled by a hand gripping his shirt and dark eyes glaring to him, though the tears along cheeks did not go unnoticed.

“I have a ten-year life expectancy! Ten! I’m only twenty-six for fucks sake!” The croaking in his voice at saying his age broke the other two as they began to realize on what the other had been doing.

“We will take care of you, Ace! No matter what!” Sabo quickly claims while moving to tug at Ace to pull him into his arms before he could pull away. A broken cry leaves Ace, shaking as he desperately tries to cling to the shirt Sabo wore and then Marco moves to wrap himself around them, running a hand through dark hair to coax.

“We would never leave you because of this and we don’t want you to leave, yoi…” Marco speaks lowly in a cooing tone as Ace grips to his shirt near his shoulder, all fabric as he trembles.

“I don’t want to die…” The strained words come out, making Marco and Sabo purse lips with an ache. It had been a thought lingering, but the signs don’t show until the person is in their thirties, so they hadn’t thought too much on it yet. Now they were presented with fear and their now broken lover who found more of himself from being in love with them than he ever could have as a child.

“We won’t let you go that easily…” Marco reassures, causing a small breathless sputter of a laugh through the crying. 

“Plus,” Sabo starts as the crying toned a bit down after the bit of humor, “I can look up everything, even if we have to go to a foreign land for treatment.” He reassures as Marco voices agreement promptly.

“We love you, Ace…” Marco mentions while leaning to get kisses to the temple being exposed by his fingers and sees a smile pulling up on swollen lips fromprobably biting when trying not to cry.

“I love you both so much… I-I’m sorry…” Ace mentions a bit brokenly as he was trying to drive the two away, thinking they wouldn’t want to be with someone with a practical expiration date. They soothed him on it not being his fault–since it really wasn’t–and that they stood by him firmly through it all, not leaving that spot on the floor until they made sure Ace was coaxed enough. Though that night they made sure to hold him tightly as to say they would forever be with him through this.

[vonseal]

what im weak for this week

yet again, im dumb so we have two weeks worth! i’ll be on top of it next time, i promise!

this is real long, forewarning, but you guys are such good writers sooooo

(from now on, im keeping a running draft that i will just post once a week, this takes so long when i wait two weeks omg)

two boys; one bed by fivepixelphan

(tbh this sounds like it’s going to be dirtier than it is) (and in case you’re wondering, it’s 0% dirty, 100% cute) i love socky and i dont love unrequited feelings and so i was pretty covered in this fic, because it’s SOCKY WITH A HAPPY ENDING! all i wanted was a happy ending while reading through this fic, so bless fivepixelphan for coming through for me! <3

faking it by koutarous

when moonbin needs a fake boyfriend, who does he choose? obviously eunwoo because binu lives forever in our hearts!!! this sort of reminded me of coffee prince, without the whole “eunwoo is a girl holy cow” type of thing going on, which is just fine with me! i love the plot, because it’s corny and cliched and that’s legit my middle name (corny and cliched - it’s no longer Vonseal). please please please read this! it was just perfect!

you & me by sanhasbinu

why do i expect happy fics, all of a sudden there is an influx of angst and my heart is being ripped from my chest. sanahasbinu has been on here before with an angsty fic (cotton candy, check it out), and i thought maybe i wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore, but i do. i do. and i love every second of the heart-wrenching feels (i’m 21 and i still use feels unironically, lord save me).

i saw an angel by parkjinwoes

SOMEONE GIFTED SOCKY TO ME!!! i cried reading it, it was long and funny and sort of sad at times, i just wanted them both to be happy together, but then this line: However, Yoon Sanha is also terrible at keeping secrets and feelings to himself. Oblivious to him, Park Minhyuk is too good at doing that. THAT MADE ME REALIZE i gotta trudge through the sad first before getting to the happy. but when i got to the happy, BOY OH MAN it was definitely happy. big recommendation right here!

centaurea cyanus by A_N_D_Y

I WAS SO SCARED OMG. usually with these hanahaki type of fics (tbh i still dont fully understand what the hanahaki thing is or how it came about, but i’ve read three astro fics relating to this so i may or may not be a sorta-expert), someone ends up dying??? annnnnd i really thought death would come in this fic. and i dont want to tell how it ends, but pls understand binu is forever alive and well within our hearts (and maybe the fic, i may or may not be giving away the ending)

shopping list by Shinigamibutter

when she releases cute myungjin, she really release cute myungjin. i mean, this was so fluffy and domestic and i just wanted it to go on forever and ever. never before has a shopping trip been so interesting!!! never before has it filled me with such joy and happiness! also BUTT GROPING YES (you guys learned my weakness)

like a game of hide-and-seek by kimtaehyungsleftpinky

frat boy jinwoo is something i never knew i needed in my life, but good golly, i did need it. coupled with cat owner myungjun (also my weakness - cats and myungjun, how dare) this fic was just perfect??? i want to know more about their relationship and  “I don’t like your cat.” Jinwoo muttered and looked at Marco in disgust. Myungjun gasped and covered Marco’s ears as if the cat had understood what Jinwoo had said. this just made my entire day, that’s a me thing, hashtag relatable.

our own space travels, shall we leave? by spaceviolet (vividplum)

MINHYUK IS THE TRUE MVP OF THIS FIC. i wish i had barista minhyuk all the time. but we have more socky (i am REALLY loving this sudden rush of socky fics, you guys rock!) and SANHA GETS STOOD UP and i’ll punch whoever stood him up. but minhyuk is ready with the correct drink order, bless this barista, and his pals are hilarious and i just had a lot of feelings for this fic <3

soft rock by birdbrainberke

soft pebble minhyuk, so soft and so in love with yoon sanha. this is the socky sequel (is it a sequel?) to the broken bones fic i posted and raved about recently, and oh my good golly, i love this so much. i love the insight to minhyuk’s character, and the reasons he does the things he does and says the things he says. also he is #savage towards bin, which cracks me up, and i love birdbrainberke and all his beautiful, wonderful fics <3

blood, sweat & tears by jiminaddiction

(is this a bts reference? i’ve only heard three bts songs, but i think this is a bts reference?) so im a little nervous about this one because it’s got some crazy tags that make me scared for the future. I DO NOT LIKE SADNESS AND PAIN and i think i’m going to get it. im a soft, meek marshmallow, and i finally found some Moonrock and I KNOW THERE WILL BE SADNESS AND PAIN. but i think i can trudge through, i will be strong!

cliche by Shinigamibutter

THIS IS SO SOFT AND CUTE BINU how do you write such cute and soft binu??? idk, but i love the little descriptions of bin’s smile and eunwoo’s absolute infatuation with him, like this is short and sweet and it pierces my heart with the cute, bless u for this!

the sweet ride home by diametrical

idk if you guys know this, but i love kids and i love families and i love astro, so when you just combine all three of these into one, im just a melted pile of gooey feelings. binu and eunwoo as a single dad kills my heart it just melts it all completely. this was so well-written, too, and i found myself ready to sacrifice someone to get more of it (i jest only slightly).

made in the a.m. by koutarous

tbh mj is me drinking - i’ve been forbidden to drink at work events anymore because i am easily drunk, i am not sorry for my low alcohol tolerance and neither is mj, apparently, because he does it regardless. i didnt expect the MYUNGJIN BUT I GOT THE MYUNGJIN and i may or may not have just fallen in love with it???? bless u for writing this (underage drinking = big no no)

secret by j_kwanboo

JINCHA!!! JIN. CHA. tbh thats all that i need sometimes, some good ol jincha (flashback to jinjin calling eunwoo pretty and my heart melting, that was so cute), and this is cute jincha and also SANHA LOSES HIS INNOCENT EYES, PLEASE SPARE MY CHILD!!! i really loved this fic, i laughed at it and i will hug poor sanha and give him back his purity.

who wrote the book on goodbye? by Rach4040

when i was younger, i thought i was so mature for liking that dear john book by that-fantastic-romance-author-whose-name-escapes-me, but then i realized i hate those goodbyes for lengthy periods of time, so by all accounts i should hate this, but i can’t because it’s cute and pure and it is a little sad, but i know it will be happy in the end!!! <3

train to busan astro au by @glowingjinjin

i am still very mad at this whole fic, do not read if you value your heart in one piece, im not even kidding i just cried over this a lot and im waiting for some cute myungjin, lanna, or else i might punch someone in the face, not naming names at all, but even going back to link this fic made me get flashbacks and i feel empty inside thinking about it. how dare u. dont read this, on second thought, it’s painful.

UPDATED FICS FROM LAST TWO WEEKS -

problems with pastry by sanhasbinu: im glad mj survived war  ^o^ ^o^ ^o^ ^o^

hide and seek by Mintwho (NaCltyRy): mj, why do you gotta be this way??? also why do you gotta write a fic making me choose between my bias and my bias wrecker, like im so sad

the year we met by  fivepixelphan: MY HEART IS SLOWLY BEING MENDED IM DYING IN CUTE FEELS NOW

medley by sassysavagesanha (RedJusticeLibra): i get so hyped whenever this gets updated, you always deliver such cute socky!!!

stray romance by Alette: MJ: im an adult i cant just come willy-nilly. ROCKY: eunwoo has boyfriend. MJ: im coming willy-nilly. i love.

and if you ever have anything you think i need to check out, hit me up with that fic, fams. i dont even care if it’s your own. i check a03 regularly, so if it’s something posted elsewhere, pls let me know!