#march fic needs to be up tonight i feel awful its been so long

[tennessoui]

Writing Patterns (Tag Game)

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern!

ten seems like a daunting amount i have to say (thanks for the tag @ifonlyweknewwhatiwasdoing!) - the first two are not yet published but are on my publish very very soon list

Obi-Wan understands that the notion is a figment of his imagination, but understanding that does not make it feel less real. (march ko-fi fic)

When the dust settles, Obi-Wan is surprised to find himself still standing. (obi-wan raises baby luke fic - to be published soon)

Skywalker turns to look out the window, a solemn, solitary tear rolling down his cheek as he takes in the sight of the vast, uncaring city-planet of Coruscant. ("the kenobi conundrum")

Anakin’s of the mind that if you’re having a shit day, you should just be allowed to teleport straight back to your bed whenever you like. ("tripping over my words trying to give you my name")

Anakin Skywalker's eyes used to be blue, Obi-Wan remembers that. (Jedi Healer Anakin AU, February Ko-Fi fic)

Anakin wakes to the sound of birdsong and the heavy weight of the cat on his chest. ("forgive the dog its bloody teeth")

Obi-Wan has never seen so much blood. ("hold my heart more gently than you do my throat")

It’s the sound of loud, angry caterwauling coming from somewhere outside Obi-Wan’s door that eventually wakes him up. (Anakitty AU, January Ko-Fi fic)

Strangely, it feels both as if a great weight has been removed from his chest and as if he’s just run several parsecs at the same time: like he can breathe freely for the first time in years, but like he’s incredibly winded, each breath a short gasp. ("a more perfect union")

As cold as the nights on Tatooine can get, it only takes a few hours past the rise of the suns for the planet to heat once more. ("haunt me then")

looks like i like a proper noun right out of the gate lol did the tags not tell you who the fic was gonna be about? no worries the first sentence will

tagging @tideswept @sendpseuds @ragnarlothcat @dark--whisperings @grapenehifics @lilredghost - and anyone else! for as many fics as you like because 10 is so much fr

[2seokfan]

Scarlet & Hazel | Ch. 1

pairings: hoseok x reader x yoongi

genre: fluff, very light angst, smut (future)

word count: 3.6k

chapters: ch.1, ch.2, ch.3, ch.4

summary: 

Just cause you’re living paycheck to paycheck in a tiny apartment even after graduating college doesn’t mean you’re not happy. So what if your best friend is working her dream job making close to six figures every year?  So what if she’s in a loving, committed relationship with her perfect boyfriend that you’re 99% sure is going to propose to her sometime next year? It doesn’t matter that your idea of a perfect relationship is a $9.99 bottle of wine on Friday nights while you binge watch Netflix specials.

Ok so maybe you’re a teensy bit miserable. Maybe you have no idea what you’re doing with your life. Maybe all you need to do is accidentally cross paths with two hybrids who will drastically change that.

Meet “Scarlet” and “Hazel”, two of the most gorgeous hybrid men you have ever laid eyes on. With their help, you learn that life is an adventure, a rollercoaster with ups and downs, and you were too preoccupied with yourself to climb out of your own predicament. And hey, you’re not much of a romantic, but with these two, you just might change your mind.

note: Hi! This is my first fic ever! I don’t even know if anyone’s gonna read this but I’ve had this idea in my head for awhile so fuck it.

You kicked off your shoes and threw your purse on the couch.

“God my back hurts!” 

Honestly with the amount of random bodily aches you experience on a daily business you could pass for being 70 years old. But this time you knew where the pain stemmed from. You just had to fall asleep awkwardly after a night on your phone. And of course today was a work day and you slept past all THREE of your alarms. But you know that feeling when you sleep for a suspiciously long amount of time and something doesn’t feel right? That’s the sixth sense that saved your ass this morning because your internal body clock was like sweetie I think you’re late. 

You only had time to slap on some makeup, hoping it looked semi decent, and throw your greasy hair into a messy, but passable bun because no one wants to see an ugly receptionist. You had to skip your morning Starbucks drive-through routine because you’re about to be LATE, late so you grab your keys and start your car, booking it to work.

You work at a private hybrid clinic which pays a little better than most but that means you also have to deal with a lot of attitude from rich “owners” (you hate that word). And you sat weirdly at work today so that did nOThing to help your back pain. Also how come everybody decided to book an appointment today?? It’s Friday for god's sake why does everyone and their mothers decide it’s time to call the clinic and book a checkup. They get so mad at you when you say this whole month is filled. You can’t change the schedule though?? The calendar’s filled lady either get over it and settle for next month or fuck off (of course you don’t say that out loud cause you’ll get fired). Also someone yelled at you today because they didn’t like the magazine choices in the waiting room.

Anyways your day sucked and you couldn’t be happier being back in your tiny apartment to binge watch netflix stand-up comedies until you collapse. Well you say it’s your apartment but you actually have a roommate. She’s nothing like you though, she’s the epitome of responsibility. You agreed to live with her even though you met her through Craigslist because once you met her in person you deemed her genuine enough, and also found out she’s hardly ever at the apartment but she still pays rent on time?! You really hit the jackpot with her honestly. Cause you can be a little bit messy sometimes but even when she is home she never complains. The only negative side of having her as a roommate is that you never really had time to bond with her cause she’s so busy and over your league that even after a year you two still aren’t anything more than friendly acquaintances.

Alright time to get out of your work clothes and into nothing but your favorite oversized t-shirt with no pants on because that is what you deem home-appropriate attire. But before you turn on netflix your tummy is making “feed me” noises so it’s time to check the fridge. Damn no leftovers. Time to crack open one of those Trader Joe’s frozen meals you have stacked in the freezer. You blindly pick a box. Guess you’re having vegan tikka masala tonight. Not gonna lie though those frozen meals are actually not half bad. Or maybe you’ve been away from good home cooking for so long you’ve become desensitized? Who cares, you’re hungry. Also it’s Friday, so no harm in cracking open a bottle of wine right?

When you’re all settled on the couch with your favorite plush blanket on your legs, a random comedian on tv, and a full tummy, your mind drifts away. It’s Saturday tomorrow and you have the weekends off. Maybe you should do something fun for yourself to make up for the crap you had to deal with today. You text your best friend Karli. You know she’s awake since it’s only 10pm.

You: Hey girl wanna go to the beach or smth tmrw?? <3

Karli: Yaaas ok I don’t work!! What time?

You: and we can walk around all the fancy stores and get coffee from that place we love.

You: hmmm how bout meet there @11??

Karli: Sounds good sweetie want me to pick you up?

You: no its ok ill meet u there i need to buy groceries after

Karli: Kk love ya see you then!!!

You: love ya! night bby

Karli knows that when you say “go to the beach” you really mean walk along the beach and the nearby stores because it’s early June and prime tourist season. That means the sand is packed with people and their kids and the water’s probably filled with pee so you’re not really down for that. Also the expensive shops near the beach are so cute and you love walking around window shopping, pretending like you can actually afford any of the items on display.

The wine is now getting to you cause before you know it you find your eyelids getting heavy. You muster up your last ounce of strength to turn off the tv and force yourself out of the couch cause your poor back doesn’t need another excuse to keep hurting. As much as you don’t want to wash your face and brush your teeth, you have to because you don’t want makeup on your pillowcase tonight. And when you finally crawl into bed you knock out instantly.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

“Oh fuck…”

You forgot that drunk you last night set an alarm today for 9am. Thank you drunk Y/N. 

Why 9am? Because you need to shower and get ready, plus the beach you’re going to is near the north part of the city, which is also the expensive part of the city, meaning it’s a LONG ways from where you live. But the stores are aesthetically pleasing and it contains both you and Karli’s favorite coffee shop so you’re willing to make the 25 minute drive. Karli doesn’t have to worry though because she lives a lot closer than you do. Girl has got her shit together. Honestly you’re just glad she decided to move back after graduate school cause the long distance friend thing sucks balls.

You hop in the shower and rinse yourself awake. The weather is perfect, warm but not too hot. Unlike many people who prefer to dress up for a nice outing, you’re just the opposite. You’ve been forced to dress in nice business attire with a full face of makeup all week. Hell no are you dressing up on your days off too. It’s a sweatpants and tank top kinda day so that’s exactly what you wear. Ever since college you’ve spoiled yourself into only wearing comfy clothes whenever you have the chance and it’s become a minor problem in your life. You have some perfectly nice jeans in the closet but you haven’t worn them in forever. And you’re not gonna wear them today either. And makeup? Who needs makeup? You’ll just go barefaced since you have no one to impress. Actually just kidding maybe a little concealer just to cover up a few rough spots but that’s IT. You’re still a little self conscious and you know you have to work on that but not today.

It’s now 10:15. You grab your purse from the couch, slip on your favorite pair of slides and head to your car. You’re the kind of person who absolutely needs music when you drive so you quickly start blasting your favorite playlist. Before you know it, you’re pulling up to the beach area. Parking is hard to find on the weekend but your lucky ass managed to squeeze into a street parking spot right as someone pulls out. You lock your car and make the trek to Cozy Coffeehouse, your favorite coffee shop hands down.

Karli is already here and she’s hopping up and down, waving at you. She looks super cute today in her little black dress and fishnets. She’s had the same taste since high school and you’re glad that even a Master’s degree hasn’t stopped her from dressing all punk on her days off. You jog over and give her a quick hug.

“Hey girl look at you!! You’re so cute!” You take in her makeup and you swear if she didn’t go the corporate route she definitely should have been a makeup artist. Her eyeshadow is amazing and you’ll never ever have the blending talent that she has, nor could you ever get your eyeliner to look that sharp.

“Aw thanks! You look comfy though I’m kinda jealous now maybe I should’ve dressed down.” 

“No I love your outfits! Besides, someone has to look nice in this relationship.”

You link arms and march into the cafe. It’s located near the fancy designer stores on a large hill overlooking the beach. When you step inside the whole atmosphere screams ‘cozy’, fitting its name perfectly. The interior is littered with mismatched sofas and armchairs but it somehow still looks aesthetically pleasing. Soft piano jazz is playing through speakers and when you step inside the delicious scent of freshly ground coffee beans immediately invades your nostrils.

You glance at their pastry display first. Today must be your lucky day because they have tiramisu and you absolutely love tiramisu but it’s usually sold out. No way in hell are you letting this chance slide, fuck breakfast norms you’re definitely getting a bite of that. Unfortunately you’re not a fan of sugary treats on top of sugary drinks so to balance things out you choose to order their house brew.

After you two order, you find a spot in one of the plush armchairs near the window and sit. You really are lucky today since window seats are usually taken. But not this time! You guys get to enjoy the gorgeous scenery displayed before you. The sun is bright, people are laying on the beach tanning, and kids are splashing each other with water. For the first time in awhile, you feel content with life, if only for a bit. 

Before long your orders are called out and you stand up to retrieve them. Once you’re settled, you break into conversation with Karli, eager to catch up on everything that happened since you two last spoke face-to-face. You talk about work, Karli’s boyfriend Sunny, that new pizza place that opened up near your apartment that actually has really shitty pizza.

“Like seriously how do you fuck up pizza that badly?” you exclaim in between generous bites of tiramisu.

“No I get you,” Karli responds, slurping her iced mocha frappuchino, “everybody knows what pizza is supposed to taste like, I mean it’s gotta take talent to actually fuck it up to the level you’re describing girl.”

“Exactly!!” You wave your arms in the air, wanting to physically demonstrate your frustration at the situation and your passion for good pizza.

“Anyways…” Karli gently sets her drink down and takes on a more serious tone. “How are you though, honestly.”

“Hmm, me?” You swallow your last bite of tiramisu, “I’m doing good. Works ok, life’s ok. You know. Everything’s… ok.”

“I get that everything’s ‘ok’ but you know I want you to be more than ok. I want you to be happy”

You see the genuine concern in her eyes. Bless this girl for being so soft-hearted.

She continues, “And when was the last time you dated? Like, what, 2 years ago??”

Of course she has to mention dating. Karli has always been a romantic. You? Not so much. Your brain tended to err on the logical, practical side, which is not always a good idea since it keeps you away from many potential relationships.

“I date!” You scoff, but you’re not convincing anybody, least of all yourself.

“Oh really?” Her eyes widen in mock surprise, “Tinder one night stands don’t count babe. You know what I mean.”

“Well you didn’t specify…” You mumble, trying to come up with any excuse to defend your pride. You know she’s just being a good friend and that she’s asking because she cares about you, so you don’t let her questions irritate you.

“Sweetie I’m not trying to make you feel bad and I’m sorry if it comes across that way. It’s just… you mean a lot to me and you’re my bestie and I just want to see you be happy.” She takes your hand from across the table and looks you in the eyes. “We don’t get to see each other as much as we used to, so when I do I want to check in on how you’re doing.”

Then she averts her eyes, which you find highly suspicious. “Also I may or may not have found someone who I KNOW will be a perfect match for you.”

“AHA I KNEW you were leading up to something!”

“Wait but hear me out. He’s an accountant and at first I was like hmmm is he too boring for Y/N? But then I realized I was judging him by his job and that’s not cool so I talked to him and he’s, like, actually super cute and super sweet and I think you two will get along so well!” She’s speaking very fast at this point, trying to squeeze out as much information as possible before you can interject. Then she finishes with one of her signature Karli smiles, big and wide and all teeth and she knows you can’t say no to that face.

“Dammit. Fine.” You lost this round. “Alright if he wants to meet up I won’t say no. How bout that?”

“Gee that’s so thoughtful of you Y/N.” Her tone is sarcastic but she’s still smiling so you know she means no harm.

After another half hour of conversation, locked in a heated debate about food again (this time she’s defending her stance that pineapple belongs on pizza), Karli’s phone rings. The sound scares the poor girl half to death, and watching her jump a mile from her couch had you snorting into your coffee mid drink.

She looks at the caller ID, muttering under her breath, “It’s Saturday what do they want?” then glances up with a sad little pout, “Sorry Y/N it’s work gimme a sec…”

From what you can hear on her side of the conversation, something has come up and she has to head to the office right away. 

“Ok I’ll be there in fifteen,” she hangs up and gives an exaggerated “Ughhhhh”. She takes one large gulp, finishing the last of her ultra sweet, ultra whipped frappuccino. “It’s like they can’t do anything when I’m not there.” She looks especially apologetic when her eyes land back on you, “I’m so sorry I have to cut this short…”

“Hey it’s ok! Duty calls ya know,” you give her a reassuring grin, hoping it passes for a smile instead of a grimace. You were really hoping to hang out today.

“No it’s not ok. We didn’t even get to walk around today! And I know how much you like to do that.” She stands up, slipping her purse onto her shoulder, “so next time I’ll plan a day where I guarantee I won’t get interrupted. It’s the least I can do.”

“Mk sounds good babe,” you give her a big hug, “Go get ‘em tiger!”

After she exits the cafe you finish the last bit of your coffee and glance out the window, staring at the people on the beach. Wow it’s really crowded down there today. You zone in on two kids attempting to build a sandcastle, but it’s too close to the water so the waves flatten it in two seconds. But it seems they didn’t learn their lesson because they keep rebuilding the castle in the same spot. Just move it further up little dudes.

You find yourself lost in thought again. Just because Karli’s suddenly busy doesn’t mean you don’t still have a whole day to yourself. You can walk around on your own. Also why not treat yourself to another drink? A fun one this time from their specials menu.

Ten minutes later you find yourself wandering around the various shops, hot hazelnut latte in hand, gazing at display after display of designer clothes and bags. Look, you may not be a huge fashion person, or have any expendable cash, but a girl can still appreciate art, especially when it’s laid out so nicely in front of you. 

Speaking of art, there’s an art gallery coming up that you absolutely love. You’ve always been too afraid to go inside because you’re the type of person who feels obligated to buy something if you enter a local store and you DEFinitely can’t afford anything there. So you opt to loiter outside, like some creep, looking a little too long at the featured art through the window. This time it’s an Impressionist style painting of a ship on hazy waters with a sunset in the background. You’re no artist but you can appreciate good quality work when you see it. The piece is mesmerizing and serene, transfixing you to the spot. Before you know it, you’ve been staring for 15 whole minutes.

While admiring the artist’s use of color on the display piece, you overhear a lady raising her voice not too far away, snapping you out of your trance. It sounds like drama, so being the nosy bitch that you are, you’re definitely gonna check it out, if only to satisfy your curiosity.

“What do you mean ‘no’?! You’ll be perfect for each other!! Where’s your owner I bet he’ll listen!” At this point the lady’s voice is sounding downright aggressive.

As you shuffle closer to the scene of the noise, you spot a middle-aged, blonde lady pointing her finger at two hybrid men, almost jabbing one of them in the chest with her sharp, ruby nails. Behind her stands a gorgeous female arctic fox hybrid who clearly belongs to her as she pats her owner’s shoulders, trying to calm her down.

“I’m sorry miss but we just aren’t interested.” The taller of the two hybrids with orange hair speaks up, gently pushing the lady’s hands away. “Please leave us alone.” He’s being surprisingly calm, even after getting yelled at in public.

“Yeah lady get out of our faces,” the other white and grey haired hybrid is definitely more agitated, crossing his arms as he huffs in annoyance. You don’t blame him since the blonde lady is being ridiculously rude.

You can’t really make out the two males’ faces, since they’re turned away from you, but they are obviously hybrids. Both having incredibly bushy, soft-looking tails and tall, pointy ears sticking out of their heads.

Even if you can’t see their expressions, you can tell they’re uncomfortable with the harassment. Since you’re still somewhat unaware of the context, you stay out of the argument but decide to keep an eye on the situation in case the lady steps out of line. You’re just slightly around the corner, able to stay a safe distance away so that no one, especially the lady, can catch you eavesdropping. Pretending to admire the Gucci purses displayed in front of the shop you’re now standing at, and almost choking at the price, you cautiously side-eye blondie as she refuses to back down from the hybrid boys.

“Listen here you rude little pets, I’m not leaving you alone until I see your owner. My Sylvia here,” she gestures to the fox hybrid behind her, “would make a perfect partner for you.” She pokes the orange haired hybrid again, “I’ve been searching so long for her to find a mate and I’m not giving you up! Now where the hell is your owner!”

What the fuck?! How dare this lady talk to them like that? And in public no less! You now know exactly why she’s yelling at them. Working at a private hybrid clinic has opened your eyes to the harsh world of hybrids, and their selfish, rich owners. It’s not uncommon for owners to negotiate with each other and breed their hybrids. If two pretty hybrids mate, their children can be sold for loads of money. It's cruel and disgusting, with many of the children sold off before they can even get to know their parents. You’re all too familiar with this tradition, often catching owners in the waiting room of your clinic discussing in whispers about buying and selling hybrid children as if they’re livestock.

“Hey what the fuck did you call us?!” The white and grey hybrid is now also raising his voice. “Listen you wrinkly bi…!” He is quickly silenced by the orange hybrid, who abruptly clamps his hand over his buddy’s mouth.

Orange hair clears his throat. “What he means is, we don’t appreciate the tone you’re using with us. Please leave us alone ma’am. We’ll be on our way. Goodbye.” They attempt to brush past her.

“Hey hold on a minute! I’m not done with you!!” This lady even has the balls to grab onto orange hair’s arm. “I demand to speak to your owner!” Then some sort of realization dawns upon her because her eyes go wide, then quickly narrow. “And where are your collars? Aren’t owned hybrids supposed to have collars on? You know I just might have to call Hybrid Services.” 

You can see the boys visibly tense at her words as she sports a satisfied smirk. Poor Sylvia is now gently tugging on her shirt. “Please calm down, miss…” she says desperately trying to remedy the situation.

Before you know it, and without any plan of action, you round the corner and march up to the boys, standing defensively in front of them.

“Um…” You gulp, then clear your throat, speaking in what you hope is a more confident tone. “Sorry I took so long guys! You wouldn’t believe the line at the coffee shop!”

Next

[buckmecaptain]

With Two Os

So, I did a thing for @just-one-ordinary-fangirl​ ‘s #JOOF500Challenge , and I miiiiight have gone a little overboard with the prompts.  Maybe.  Kinda.  Sorta...uhh... I did them all.  (I tried to make sure I bolded them all in this post)

This is silly fluff -falls just short of a crack fic- Steve X (barely described) OC (she has a name and nickname, but that’s about it), with a hint of her having a bit of a thing for Bucky, and even Thor (mentioned).  Semi-oblivious Steve, Natasha as the voice of reason, overdramatic OC who might just be kind of a dumbass.  Pining, mentions of the rest of the team.  Obviously, this story ignores canon and everyone is happily living in the tower. :) Warnings:  A few naughty words, suggestive situations, so much dumbassery

Image is from knowyourmeme.com

-   ---  --   -  ---  -- -   ---  -- ---

 She pushed her long messy braid over her shoulder, then looked down at the table and sniffled, slowly stroking her fingertips over the glossy surface.  “So it's over, then.  We're finished.”

“Roxy,” Steve began, reaching for her, “I'm sorry, I-”

She flinched away from his touch.  “No. You're gonna have to give me some time.  This relationship... it isn't what I thought it was going to be.”  She wiped her hand over her face and sighed heavily.

“I said I was- wait, what?  It isn't?”  His eyebrows were knit tightly together, raised comically high,  shoulders hunched like he was trying to make himself smaller.

Turning to face the Captain, her lower lip trembled and eyes were wide.  “It was meant to be us.  Me and you, Roxanne and Steve, until death do us part.  And now you've destroyed that.”

“Seriously?”

She gasped and flung herself backwards onto the overstuffed sofa, one arm thrown across her eyes.  “Yes, seriously.  You left an undefended gap and the Empire blew up our base!” she whined, gesturing toward the tabletop game with her free hand.

Across the way, Wanda turned to Sam and asked, “If she's this dramatic when she loses a game, what happens when she wins?”

The Falcon chuckled.  “Well, let's just say she puts on a show.  Dancing tends to happen.”

Steve shook his head at Roxanne's antics.  “Well, that's enough Star Wars: Rebellion for tonight. What's next?”  He clapped his hands together and they began placing the game pieces back into the box.

“Are Thor and Bucky here?  If so, I volunteer for naked Twister,” Roxanne offered.

The Captain whipped his head around and gave her the Eyebrows of Disappointment.

She peeked at him from under her arm. “Hey, a girl can dream, right?”

“Let me guess.  It's game night and Roxanne's team lost, right?”

“ 'Tashaaaaa!”  Roxanne made grabby hands at the redhead.  “So glad you're home!  It's been forever and I miss waking up next to you every morning.”

Sam, Wanda, and Steve all did sitcom-worthy double-takes as Natasha snorted.

“Well, if you would set your damn alarm at night, I wouldn't have to come drag your ass out of bed in the mornings for training.”  She looked around at the other three people in the room.  “What?  She's like a sloth.  Or maybe a koala. Whatever, she sleeps incredibly soundly and clings, even when dragged out of bed by the ankles.”

Roxanne sat up and crossed her arms, pouting.  “So?  I need my rest.  It takes a minimum of eight hours of sleep for me to look this good.”

Natasha turned to Steve and smirked. “You guys lost pretty badly, huh?  Little Miss Queen-of-the-sore-losers is in a snit.”

Roxanne grumbled and dug out her phone from the couch cushions.  “Fine.  I'mma text Bucky.  He'll sympathize.  Or, wait... Nat, do you have Thor's number?”

Steve's hands clenched into fists at his side and he grit his teeth.  Natasha noticed, of course, but didn't react.  “He doesn't have a phone, Rox.”

“Really?” she sat up, wide-eyed, “Who doesn't have a phone these days?” she glanced back down at her screen.  “Aw, man.  They're canceling my favorite zombie drama. That's stupid with two Os,” she muttered as she ambled out of the room.

Natasha watched her leave, then whirled to face the fuming Captain.  “Really?  You're still pining over her?  When are you going to nut up and say something?” she prodded, glancing at his white-knuckled fists.

A muscle in his jaw twitched.  “It's pretty obvious she prefers Buck.  Or Thor.  Or both, you heard her,” he shrugged and looked toward the doorway, then sighed.  “I'm not going to chase after a rejection.”

She chuckled and shook her head. “Methinks you might be stupid with two Os.  That woman has had the hots for you since she joined the team, and she's pretty much made a fool of herself for you for the last year.”

He groaned and dragged a hand over his face.   “Why is dealing with women so difficult?  It's just-just impossible,” he complained.

“Steve, you deal with aliens, terrorists, and murderous lunatics on a near-daily basis.  After all that, you still think women are difficult?”

He sighed and placed his hands on his hips.  “Bad guys can be dispatched, arrested, or otherwise stopped. Dealing with women takes finesse, and I don't have any of that. Or experience.  Give me a murderous lunatic any day of the week. I'd much prefer that.  The serum doesn't help with this one,” he grimaced.

Natasha's eyebrows raised.  “Okay, Captain Wuss,” she teased.

“That's the first time I've been called that,” he mumbled, “at least, to my face.”  The only reply was the Black Widow's signature smirk, so he hung his head and huffed.  “Sure feels like I'm being ganged up on around here.” He went in search of the rest of the team in an effort to continue game night, following the sound of cheering and whooping to the media room.

Apparently a high-stakes game of Mario Kart was the cause of the cacaphony.  The team was gathered on the plush seating, with Wanda, Sam, Clint, and Bucky playing while Vision and Roxanne watched and cheered them on.  

Steve squinted when he saw Roxanne was seated on the back of the couch behind Bucky.  He was wedged between her legs and she was running her fingers through his hair, detangling it as she encouraged him to “Kick their asses, Buckaroo!”

Disappointed, Steve frowned and turned to leave, almost crashing into Natasha in the process.

She glared up at him, silently stamped her foot, and pointed forcefully at Roxanne.

Steve shook his head and gestured with his thumb over his shoulder, then crossed his arms over his chest.

Natasha squinted.

He shook his head again.

She raised a finger and circled it in the air, then pointed again at Roxanne.

Steve shook his head again.

Natasha placed both hands on his chest and shoved, making him stagger back a step, then jutted her chin toward Roxanne.

He rolled his eyes, but the redhead poked his chest so hard, he coughed.   While he was distracted she took him by the shoulders and spun him around, then shoved.  He stumbled forward a couple of steps, then glared at her over his shoulder.

Natasha placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

“Oh what the hell?” he thought, and marched over to Roxanne, standing directly behind her.  She didn't notice because of the game noise, so he leaned down to her ear and loudly asked, “How's it going?”

In the blink of an eye, Steve found himself flat on his back with Roxanne on top of him holding a wickedly-sharp blade to his throat, wide-eyed and panting.

“Sorry!  I didn't mean to scare- Put the knife down.  Please,” he pleaded.  “Roxy?”

Roxanne tossed the knife aside and scrambled off of him, then ran out the door.

Steve lay there splayed out like a starfish, staring at the ceiling and wondering why fuckery kept finding its way to him, as his team mates gathered around.  They peered down at him curiously, barely-concealed amusement on each face.

“Hey Steve, you dead?”  Bucky asked, his lips twitching in an effort to keep laughter at bay.

Clint snickered.  “Dead from embarrassment, maybe.  Rox is crazy fast!”

Groaning, Steve pressed his palms into his eyes.  “You should go talk to her, Buck.”

“Huh?  Why me?”

Sitting up, the Captain eyeballed his best friend and snorted.  “Obvious reasons.”

Bucky blinked, then looked from Steve to Natasha.  “The fuck is he talkin' about?”

She shrugged.  “He thinks Rox has a thing for you.”

“Oh.  Oh!  Really?” Bucky hummed. “I should go talk to her.”  

Steve made a strangled moan as Bucky headed out the door, then stood and straightened his clothing.  “See you guys later,” he grunted and left the room as his team mates watched, helpless and confused.

*  *  *  *

Roxanne was seated at a window and brooding when she heard the tentative knocks at her door.  Ignoring the first few was easy, but it became more difficult when the knocks turned to loud booms. Grumbling, she made her way across the floor. “Okay, gimme a second.”  She yanked open the door to find Bucky on the other side.  “Oh, hey.  Come in.”   She went back to her window seat while he stood there shifting from one foot to the other. “Close the door, and sit down.”

He complied and took a seat on the overstuffed armchair.  “Everything okay, doll?  You kinda took off in a hurry earlier.”

She didn't bother to look at him, her gaze still fixed outside and fingertips trailing over the weave of the curtains.  “I pulled a knife on Steve, Buck.  Steve!”

“Yeah.  It's not the first time that's happened to him.  Won't be the last.”

“First for me.  He's my Captain.  My friend.  My very dear friend!” she insisted, “You don't hold a knife to your friend's throat!”

Bucky smirked and scoffed.  “I've done that.  And shot him.  Stabbed him, beat the hell out of him... and he's been my closest friend for eighty years.”

Roxanne pinched the bridge of her nose and grimaced.  “That is an entirely different situation...uh, entirely, and you know it.  He's never gonna forgive me for this, and even if he does, I won't forgive me.”  She slammed her fists down on the wooden window sill with bruising force, a resounding crack echoing through the room.

 Bucky was across the floor in an instant, taking her trembling wrists in his hands. “Doll, you're scaring me.  Please, just, calm down.”  They stayed like that until Roxanne's breathing slowed and the shaking stopped.    Finally he released her wrists and wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against his chest, swaying them back and forth.

“Ohh, I feel better already.  You're really warm.” She snuffled at his shirt.  “And you smell good,” she complimented, resting her hands on his sides.

He flinched.  “Thanks.”

Roxanne curled her fingers and he flinched again.  “Oh, Bucky... you're so...” she curled her fingers again, “Ticklish!”  She attacked his sides in earnest as he tried to fend her off carefully.

“Doll,” he squirmed, trying to back away from her, “Woman!  You'd better stop,” he warned.

She narrowed her eyes and smirked.  “Or what, Buckaroo?”  Snaking a hand into each of his armpits, she unleashed tickle hell.  “No mercy!”

Bucky bit his lower lip, trying to stifle his laughter.  “Okay, girly,” he snorted, “You've messed with the wrong person.”  He twisted away from her and crouched.

Roxanne backed up and her eyes went wide.  “Oh shit.  I've triggered the Big Bad Wolf!”  She giggled crazily and sprinted across the room, vaulting over the couch.

The chase was on.  Roxanne had the advantage of knowing the living space like the back of her hand, but Bucky was the superior tactician, so she she managed to keep out of his reach by the skin of her teeth.  He finally cornered her in the bedroom, where she'd ended up standing on the far side of her bed, plastered against the wall.

“I've got you!” he laughed, and leaped onto the bed with a victory shout, planting both feet in front of her.

Roxanne squealed and Bucky's fingers contacted her ribs, then they heard a small cracking sound.  “Uh oh,” she whispered as the bed tilted precariously and slammed to the floor.  They both lie there in a heap for a moment before disentangling from one another and jumping apart, Roxanne at the foot of the bed, Bucky at the up-tilted side.  They looked from the crazily leaning mattress to each other and back again, then burst into laughter.

“Not exactly the way I pictured us breaking my bed,” Roxanne quipped, waggling her eyebrows as she pulled the bed away from the wall and surveyed the damage.

Bucky's face flushed deep red and dared to glance at her.  “So, uh...” he trailed off.

“Hm?  I think I have something I can use to prop this up until tomorrow,” she murmured distractedly from the low side of the mattress.  “No big deal.  I was ready for something new anyway.”  The mattress shifted hard and she looked up to see Bucky was perched on the high side.  She held up a hand, forbidding him to continue.  “Sir, that slide is for children only.”

Bucky snorted and slid across the surface anyway, landing neatly beside her.  “Lemme see.”  He raised the mattress and box spring with one hand and peered at the broken side rail, then grimaced.  “Yep, snapped right in half. I'll hold this up while you get the blocks or whatever,” he offered.

When it was all put right, Roxanne hugged Bucky, thanking him for helping.  If they held on a little longer than friends do, neither mentioned it.  “Wanna watch a movie?” she offered, breaking the sudden tension, “You can choose.”

He agreed and she hustled off to take a quick shower while he searched through the titles for the new horror flick she'd been excited to see for a while.

When she returned she shimmied under the covers next to him and sighed happily.  “You found it!  Been waiting for this one.”

“Uh huh.  You're gonna fall asleep, you know.”

“No way.  I've been looking forward to this movie for months!”

“Right, sure.  Wanna bet on that?”

She growled playfully at him.  “All I want to do right now is cuddle with you in bed... is that too much to ask?”

Bucky waggled his eyebrows at her. “That's all?  You sure, doll?”

“Well,” she turned to him and trailed her fingers over his chest. “I also want you to take off your pants.”

He blinked.

“You gonna?”

He blinked again.

“Earth to Bucky.”

“Uh, sure, okay.”  He pulled off his sweatpants and tossed them carelessly to the floor.

“See?  Isn't that more comfortable? Oh,” she squinted at him, “You are wearing underpants, right?”

He blushed furiously.  “Roxy!  Of course I am!”

“Okay, geez.  Those sweats are pilly and scratchy.  Ugh, how can you wear those?  Get comfy and let's watch this flick.”I've been looking forward to this movie for months!”

They joked and snarked at the movie as it played – it really was written poorly – and generally laughed so much, they missed half of the dialogue.

“Are you kidding me?” Bucky snorted as the main characters made yet another idiotic mistake in the haunted estate.  “This would never happen if it was you and me in their place, doll.”

Roxanne nodded.  “Right? I'd freakin' lose it, I'd be all up in your face like, 'How could you lose our children in our own house?'  Bah!”

They made it through to the end and put on a dumb comedy afterward, but they were both fading fast.  Yawning widely, Roxanne squeezed the arm Bucky had wrapped around her waist.  “Thanks for helping me feel better, Buckaroo.  You're awesome.”

“I sure am,” he chuckled. “Anytime, Roxy-girl.”

They nodded off halfway or so through the movie, warm and comfortable in the temporarily-repaired bed. Bucky awoke somewhere around two o'clock and eased his way out of her quarters, still in his t-shirt and boxers, sweatpants in his hand.  As he quietly closed the door and made his way to his room, he failed to notice he was being observed by his best friend.

Steve stood at the corner, watching Bucky leave his girl's room, sadness and jealousy bubbling in his gut.  He scoffed at himself for calling Roxanne “his” in his own head and spun around to hit the gym again... only to come face-to-face with Natasha.

“Seems like I'm always catching you running away from Rox,” she quipped, and folded her arms across her chest.

He sighed.  “Not running away. Leaving.  She's already had, uh, company.”

“Who, Barnes?” she snorted, “I have it on good authority that she didn't bang him.”

The Captain raised a brow.  “Oh yeah? How's that, spycams in her bedroom?”

“Careful, Rogers,” she warned. “Because you're hurting, I'll let that one slide.  Here.”  She tapped at her phone a few times and handed it over, open to a messaging app.

Rox:  Natty!  I need HELLLLLLLP! Please!!!

-What's the matter?  Who do I have to murder?

Rox:  NAT

-No, really.  I will.

Rox:  Nothing like that.  I freaked out after almost stabbing Steve and Bucky came to check on me and long story short I asked him to snuggle in bed with me.   Did I fuck up????????

-…

Rox:  Hurry Natty!  Need answers I'm in the bathroom and need to leave!

-There's nothing wrong with you SNUGGLING with Bucky.  

Rox:  that's all we're gonna do I swear.  He's super hot but we're not there yet ya know???

Rox: gotta go thnx I love you!!!!

Steve read and re-read the manic message exchange a few times, letting it sink in.  He gave Natasha her phone back and dragged a hand over his face.  “Dammit.”

“Uh huh.”

He stood straighter, hands on hips, and cocked his head at her.  “That still doesn't mean they didn't... fondue.   Going by the timestamp on the messages, they had plenty of time for that.”

Natasha huffed and slapped him hard on the arm.  “If Rox had been planning on doing Barnes, she would have asked for wildly different advice.”

With a look, he urged her to continue.

“Oh dear God, you just might be stupid with two Os.  She's asked me for sex advice before, obviously.”

Steve frowned.  “I don't need to hear this.”

“Actually, I think you do.  Remember when you watched 'The Wizard of Oz' with her in your room and she took an oddly long time to bring the popcorn?”

His jaw dropped.

“She asked me how it was possible for you to be such an adorable puppy and so smokin' hot at the same time.”

His face went scarlet.  “She asked you that?”

“Yep,” she nodded.  “Compared you to a giant yellow labrador retriever puppy.  She was hopeful, but it didn't happen.  I mean, obviously.”

“I have-  I need to-  I've gotta go. Thanks, Natasha.” He stepped around her and jogged toward the elevator.

She watched him go, shaking her head and muttering, “All the men in this tower share the same brain cell, I swear.”

Roxanne was dreaming peacefully, quietly snoring into her pillow and curled up burrito-style in her blankets, when she was rudely jolted awake by a loud thumping. Snorting in a completely unladylike manner, she forced herself out of bed and across the floor.  

She slumped against the wall and snarled, “It's four in the morning, what do you want?”

Shuffling sounds came from the other side of the door.  “It's, uh, it's me.  Steve.  May I come in?”

“Oh.  Yeah- yes, please.”   She swung the door open wide to allow him inside.

“Are you okay?  You were so upset when you left, and I- I thought you might still be... sad?”

“Really?”

He nodded quickly.  “Yeah, so I thought I'd bring something to cheer you up.”  He produced a plush yellow Labrador puppy from behind his back and thrust it toward her.

Blinking, she gently took the stuffed toy.  “So you thought I was sad, because of...earlier.”

“Yes.”

“And you really thought buying me a puppy was going to cure my sadness?”

His expression mirrored the stuffed pup's exactly and she smiled fondly at him.

“Well... you were right.   Thank you!”  She tucked the gift under one arm and hugged Steve with the other before gasping and jumping away from him.  “I'm sorry!”

“Wait, what?  Why are you apologizing?”

Eyes glassy with tears that were about to spill over, she blurted, “You must hate me!  I put a knife to your throat, Steve.  That's not something you just brush off.  We're- we're f-friends.  Close.  You're my Captain!”  there was no stopping the word vomit now, as mortified as she was.  Might as well rip off the Band-aid.  “And you're amazing and smokin' hot and I've had the biggest damn crush on you for so long and all I want to do is kiss your stupidly handsome face, and...  Oh no,” she whined and covered her face with both hands.  “On a scale from one to ten how much do you want to punch me right now?”  She asked quietly, peeking at him between her fingers.

Concerned, Steve placed his hands on her shoulders and gently squeezed.  “Sweetheart, slow down.  Just breathe for me, okay?” he soothed.  “First of all... No, I don't hate you.  We're not there just yet.  You'd have to do a hell of a lot worse than pouncing on me with a knife to make me hate you,” he grinned at her.

Roxanne winced.  “I- I don't-”

“Are you saying you're plotting my demise as we speak, doll?”

“Steve!  I would never, and you know it,” she denied.

He laughed heartily at her distress. “Okay, okay, sorry.  Just giving you a little grief.  I'll let you get back to sleep.”  He turned to the door.

“Yeah, like I'm gonna be able to knock out again after all of this.”

Steve sighed.  “Want me to go get Buck for you?  Maybe he can help.”

Roxanne rolled her eyes and tossed the stuffed dog onto the sofa.  “Steve Rogers, you big, gorgeous idiot!”

He blinked.  “Um.  I'll take that as a compliment...I guess.”

She flung herself at him and wrapped her arms around his neck.  “I've been mooning over you for a year now and- and I didn't know how to- didn't think I should say anything.  It's not my place and...”

He held her close and smiled.  “I've done my share of pining, too, sweetheart.”

“I have an idea,” she said, then leaned forward and pressed her lips to his for a short and sweet kiss.  “Wanna go stargazing and cuddle under the moonlight?  What's left of it, that is,” she suggested.

“On one condition.  Call me your ‘Captain’ again.”

Trailing her fingertips over his chest, she fluttered her eyelashes and in a breathy voice, asked, “Would my Captain like to go up on the rooftop with me?”

Steve’s chest rumbled and his eyes darkened.  “Yes ma’am, I’d like that very much.”

Later, bundled up together on one of the rooftop chaise lounges, Steve and Roxanne weren't doing much stargazing.  Caught up in the closeness, the newness, instead they spent the pre-dawn time making out and murmuring sweet nothings, as lovers do, until Steve's phone alarm sounding at half-past six pulled them from their serotonin haze, and they both groaned in irritation.

“We probably should have gotten some sleep, sweetheart.”

“I was sleeping soundly until somebody pounded on my door,” she teased, and poked his chin.

“Uh huh.  Was it worth it?”

“I dunno... I was really comfortable, and I need my beauty sleep or I wake up looking like sea hag.”

He tutted and kissed her forehead. “Aw, I'm sorry, doll.  How can I make it up to you?”

Tapping her lips with her fingers, she pretended to consider his words.  “How about... another cuddle session?  Longer this time and with more kissing.”

“I think I can manage that,” he grinned.

“Oh, and bring Bucky.”

He gasped and tickled her mercilessly.

“Okay, okay!  Enough!”  She kissed him soundly, then they untangled from the blankets and headed for the door, hand in hand.

Steve sighed wistfully.  “We wasted so much time, you know.”

“Yeah,  maybe we really are stupid with two Os,” she teased, nudging him with an elbow.

He chuckled and opened the door for her.  “Maybe so, darlin'.  Maybe so.”

She passed him and sauntered toward the residential area, calling back over her shoulder, “About bringing Bucky along, though-”

Thundering footfalls sounded behind her as she squealed and ran for her life, giggling madly all the way.

[artificialqueens]

You're All I Want (for Christmas), Part 2 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: Apologies in advance for all the sadness in this lol but the cute fluffy Christmas vibes will come back in the next (and final) part! Hope you enjoy!

Summary: A classic Christmas past, present and future fic. Brooke and Vanessa hit a major milestone in their relationship but it doesn’t take long for it all to come tumbling down around them. 

2nd January 2019:

Brooke couldn’t believe her luck when she thought about how amazing the holiday season had been for her. 2018 had been the best year of Brooke’s life simply because that was when she met Vanessa and she couldn’t wait to see what 2019 had in store for them. Christmas had been amazing, they got to spend the entire day relaxing together and it was absolutely perfect. Then New Years Eve had come around and all of their relaxing times were officially over.

Detox had insisted they all went out to a massive party and while Brooke was reluctant (she had originally wanted to spend the evening with only Vanessa, not a bunch of strangers), they ended up having an amazing night. The next day, however, was not so amazing…simply because Brooke couldn’t handle alcohol like she used to.

Thankfully this morning she had woken up with her headache gone and her stomach settled. Which was good because she had an idea that had been on her mind ever since Vanessa gave her the promise ring. She wanted to buy an engagement ring for Vanessa.

As she sat on the subway on her way to the jewellery store she had chosen, she held her ring that was on the necklace in her hand. She found herself doing that a lot lately if Vanessa wasn’t around, it made her feel close to her and like Vanessa was always with her. It also brought her so much joy knowing that she would be wearing that exact ring when they got engaged. It was just a massive symbol of happiness and joy to her.

She knew that she couldn’t have a ring and not get Vanessa one. She also knew that throughout their relationship so far, she had always had it in her mind that she would be the one to propose. Even if they didn’t get engaged for a long time, she wanted to have the ring ready for whenever it felt like the right moment. She knew exactly what type of ring Vanessa would like, she had even called Vanessa’s mom and told her about her plan of buying the ring now and Mrs Mateo was thrilled about it. The only tricky part would be hiding the ring from Vanessa.

Brooke was usually very strict with her money. She didn’t like to spend a lot of it on herself, especially if it was on something that she didn’t desperately need. But there was something about Vanessa that made her want to spoil her and give her the best of everything. Thankfully, earning a lawyer’s salary allowed her to do that. When the cashier at the store told her the price of the ring, she didn’t even bat an eyelid. She just handed over her card and immediately started thinking of when she would actually propose. That was the most important thing…and there was no amount of money in the world that would make Brooke feel happier than she did when she thought about Vanessa.

—

12th March 2019:

It was exactly one year since Brooke and Vanessa had met. Detox’s birthday party last year had been something Brooke didn’t want to attend but was arguably one of the most important days of her life. And what were they doing to celebrate Detox’s birthday and to acknowledge knowing each other for an entire year? Going back to the exact same club that Detox had held her party at last year.

Considering Vanessa and Brooke Lynn had started dating pretty much immediately after meeting, it was coming up on their one-year anniversary which made the night all the more special for Vanessa. She loved anniversaries and birthdays (really any kind of event that celebrated something) and this was the perfect kind of party for her to celebrate her best friends’ birthday and her own relationship. She couldn’t wait. She had even asked Brooke if they could wear the same outfits as they did last year to properly recreate the night but Brooke had to firmly shut that idea down.

Detox had even managed to reserve the same booth in the club for her and her friends and they were overwhelmed by the nostalgia. Some of the group were sitting round the table sipping champagne (Detox was of course at the bar ordering shots) and talking about last year.

Nina was blushing remembering how drunk she had gotten. One year later and she was still extremely embarrassed about what had happened that night. Especially since everybody at the table was teasing her about it. After making fun of Nina for about ten minutes, the topic of conversation shifted to Brooke and Vanessa’s relationship, which delighted both of the girls. They both loved to talk about the other, their eyes lighting up in excitement anytime they got the opportunity to tell people stories about each other or quirky habits that the other one had. Detox had sworn that she had never seen Brooke as happy as she was when she was talking about Vanessa. She loved that both of her friends were so happy, even though she would never let them know that.

“At least you won’t have to leave and bring me home this year, Brooke!” Nina joked, earning a laugh from the rest of the table.

“No, she’ll be bringing me home this year instead.” Vanessa replied in a flirtatious tone and turned her head to the left where Brooke was sitting and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. The group laughed at Vanessa’s reply to Nina whereas Detox returned from the bar rolling her eyes at the couple. She was holding a tray of shots in her hand and Brooke was sure there was enough for everybody at the table to have at least four shots each. The only thing on Vanessa’s mind was excitement as she took her first shot, whereas the only thing Brooke could think about was how the hell Detox could afford this much alcohol.

Thirty minutes later, all of the shots were gone and Vanessa was onto her second vodka and cranberry. It was clear that Vanessa was going to be Detox’s favourite person to party with that night because Vanessa was already extremely tipsy and there was no way of stopping her once she got in this state. Brooke knew this was going to end badly.

Three hours later, Vanessa and Detox were unable to stand properly. They had spent so much time on the dancefloor drinking whatever alcohol they could get their hands on and Brooke could do nothing but laugh at the state that her girlfriend was in.

Brooke had to pick the shorter girl up and carry her to the uber that was waiting outside, praying that she wouldn’t vomit on their short ride home. Vanessa had said earlier that Brooke would end up bringing her home, but Brooke didn’t think this was the way that Vanessa had meant it.

—

29th July 2019:

Brooke was laying out on a towel, soaking up as much of the heat from the sun in Mexico that her pale skin would allow her to. It was her first ever vacation that she had taken with a girlfriend and she was so happy that girlfriend was Vanessa. There was no one else she would’ve wanted to experience this with. As she looked to the left, she lay eyes on her girlfriend sleeping on a sun lounger and in that moment, she knew. Tonight was going to be the night that she finally proposed to Vanessa. 

Brooke had booked a candlelit dinner on a private area of the beach with the hotel’s concierge and she knew Vanessa would love it. It was the perfect level of intimacy and romance that Vanessa would appreciate. The only thing that wasn’t perfect was how nervous Brooke was feeling.

Realistically, she knew Vanessa would say yes. There were no doubts about that in Brooke’s mind. But she couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed at how much this proposal meant to her. Vanessa was her everything. She knew that Vanessa was too good for her and the fact that she was willing to settle for someone like Brooke absolutely blew her mind. But she had to be thankful and keep reminding herself that Vanessa loved her and she knew how lucky she was to have Vanessa be in love with her.

They were sitting at their table drinking red wine and just chatting about random when things when suddenly, Brooke couldn’t hold it in anymore. She was planning to propose just after they had finished their dessert but she couldn’t keep it in. She had to do it now. Brooke took Vanessa’s hand in hers and Vanessa stopped talking and looked up at Brooke.

“You okay, B?” Vanessa asked. She was concerned…her girlfriend looked like she was about to explode from anxiety.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Okay…go ahead.” Vanessa replied, already preparing herself for the worst.

“I…Vanessa, I love you so much. This past year has been the best year of my entire life and its all because of you. I don’t know how I lived 26 years without you in my life because now that I have you in my life, I know I never want you to not be a part of it. I know that you would do absolutely anything for me because that’s just the kind of person you are… you’re so kind, you’re caring, you’re everything that is good in this world and I don’t want to ever be without you. So, Nessa, will you please stay by my side forever? Will you marry me?” Brooke had taken the ring out of her pocket and was down on one knee so swiftly that Vanessa couldn’t believe it. She was sobbing after Brooke had only said one sentence. She was crying so much that she wasn’t able to get her words out, but eventually, she did.

“Yes, I’ll marry you!” Brooke cried as she wrapped her arms around Vanessa’s neck and they held each other close. They sobbed and said “I love you” about a hundred times before calming themselves down and feeling an overwhelming sense of happiness and excitement about what had just happened.

Brooke took the ring out of the box and placed it on Vanessa’s finger and she immediately wanted to cry about it again.

“Jesus Christ, B…it’s so beautiful.” Vanessa whispered in awe, staring at the diamond on her finger. Brooke smiled and was so pleased that Vanessa liked the ring she had chosen. Vanessa reached up to Brooke’s neck and took the necklace holding her engagement ring off of her. She slid the ring off of it and Brooke was so excited to finally have it on her finger. That ring has provided her with so much comfort over the last few months and she knew it would be on her finger for the rest of her life. She couldn’t wait to wear it forever.

—

24th September 2019:

Vanessa got home from work at 6pm to an empty apartment. She shouldn’t be surprised. Brooke had recently gotten a promotion and wasn’t at home as often as she used to be. She was always working late, working through lunch and sometimes even working the weekends.

Vanessa was happy for her. She knew how much that promotion had meant to her fiancé, how long she had been waiting for it and how much she had deserved it. But to Vanessa, it felt like ever since they got engaged, she had barely seen Brooke. She felt like the last time she had Brooke’s full, undivided attention was when they were on vacation in Mexico when Brooke didn’t have to worry about work deadlines or impressing her bosses. Vanessa wished she could have that Brooke back.

Brooke arrived home at nine thirty that night which was the earliest she had been home all week. Vanessa was sitting on the couch with Thackery watching a reality show that she was currently obsessed with. Brooke walked straight through to the kitchen without even saying hello to her girlfriend and Vanessa didn’t like that.

“Uh, hey? I still exist, I can’t even get a ‘hello’ from you?” Vanessa said angrily while Thackery broke her trust and ran over to Brooke to greet her. Brooke was in the process of heating up some leftovers in the microwave and scooped Thackery up as soon as he reached her.

“I’m so sorry, babe, hi! I haven’t eaten since breakfast, I’m sorry, I’m starved.” Brooke said as she gave Thackery a kiss on the forehead.

“Even the damn cat gets more attention from you than I do.” Vanessa replied grumpily as she turned the volume up on the show she was watching so she wouldn’t have to listen to Brooke.

“What was that?” Brooke asked, walking over to where Vanessa was sitting on the couch.

“Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, are you mad at me?,” Brooke arched her eyebrow and placed Thackery on his bed before sitting down beside Vanessa. Vanessa paused her show in annoyance and rolled her eyes at her girlfriend.

“Well, considering this is probably the longest you’ve been at home in months, then yeah…I guess you could say I’m mad at you.”

“Come on, V, you know that’s not true!”

“It is! Ever since you got your promotion I never see you anymore! We’re supposed to be engaged and I feel like I haven’t seen you properly in months.” Vanessa said with a hurt tone to her voice, she had wanted to bring this up in a responsible and calm way but she already didn’t like the path that this conversation was heading down.

“Really? You know that’s not my fault, Nessa! I can’t help it if I’m busier now!” Brooke could feel herself getting more defensive than she should be but she couldn’t help it. She had worked her ass of for that promotion and was extremely proud of herself for getting it. if Vanessa couldn’t see that, then that was on her.

“I know that, B…but it’s not normal for someone to work that much. Especially if they’ve got a fiancé. It’s been almost two months now since you proposed to me and we haven’t even discussed anything about the wedding.” A tear rolled down Vanessa’s face as she thought about her dream wedding that was just waiting for Brooke to start planning it with her. All she wanted was to live her life with Brooke by her side and this version of Brooke was starting to not be enough for her.

“Look, I’ll take the weekend off, okay? We can spend some time together then and I’ll try be less busy. Is that okay?” Brooke asked and Vanessa could tell it was just a way of trying to make her calm down. But it was the best she was going to get now.

“Yeah, that’s great, B.” Vanessa replied as she turned back on the show she was watching. Brooke ate her food at table alone and went straight to bed. When Vanessa joined her in the bedroom, she could tell Brooke wasn’t asleep but decided not to say anything. As her head hit her pillow, she realised this was the first night she had gone to bed without hearing Brooke say “I love you” to her in a very long time.

—

29th October 2019:

Vanessa was late. She had promised to have dinner cooked for Brooke at 8pm that night because they were making more of an effort to try and spend their evenings together but Vanessa had a meeting that ran late which consequently, made Vanessa arrive home later than she would have liked.

She opened the door to their apartment and noticed that all of the lights weren’t turned on and Thackery’s food and water bowls were empty. Brooke wasn’t even home yet either. With an eye roll, Vanessa took off her coat and immediately went to go feed Thackery his dinner.

As she was stirring the rice that she was having for dinner that night, Vanessa’s mind drifted back to the meeting she had earlier that day. Her boss had offered her a promotion where Vanessa would essentially be running an entire department of the fashion company she worked for. She’d be in charge of the designers whilst also approving and creating her own designs for the company’s collection. Essentially, it was her dream job. The only problem was, the job required her to move to Chicago.

With a sigh, she dished up her dinner and began to eat it alone. She knew that Brooke had her dream job in New York and there wasn’t even a chance of her moving to Chicago with her. She wouldn’t even dream of asking her to do that. The job would start on the 1st of December, so if she said yes, she’d have to leave in less than a month’s time to get settled in before she started working.

She took out Brooke’s laptop and started looking at apartments online. She knew this was dangerous, she shouldn’t be even entertaining the idea, but she was curious. Rent was a lot cheaper in Chicago. Almost half of what she was paying in New York. She just didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, Vanessa had told her boss that she would need a couple of days to think about it. Realistically, she knew she would want to have a couple of days to think about it by herself and then a couple of days to psych herself up to talk to Brooke about it.

Vanessa couldn’t imagine living in another city, let alone without Brooke. She loved their apartment. She loved New York. She loved Brooke. So why was there a part of her that was considering accepting the offer?

—

31st of October 2019:

Vanessa was getting dressed up to go to her friend Yvie’s Halloween party. She had a super cute couple’s costume planned for her and Brooke to wear, but Brooke had cancelled on her at the last minute because of work. Yet again. She couldn’t believe that Brooke’s excuse for not going was solely because Halloween fell on a Thursday and Brooke didn’t want to be tired in work the next morning. Vanessa didn’t understand why she couldn’t even stop by for an hour or two but Brooke wouldn’t budge. When she said no, she meant it.

It was around 8pm when Vanessa had finished putting the final touches on her makeup and had started to work on her hair. As she wrapped her hair around the curling wand, she heard the door of the apartment open and heard Brooke’s heels clacking against the floor as she walked her way to their bedroom. Vanessa was slightly shocked that Brooke was home so early. It was the earliest Brooke had been home in weeks. A small part of her hoped that the reason Brooke had decided to come home early was that she had a change of heart and decided to join her at the party after all. But wow, did Vanessa get that one wrong.

“Why the hell were you looking at renting apartments in Chicago?” Brooke asked furiously. She had stormed into the bedroom so fast that Vanessa was a bit taken back by her speed. Vanessa let her hair fall from the curling wand and placed it on her desk so she didn’t burn herself. She was frozen in her seat; she had no idea what to say to Brooke. She knew she shouldn’t have kept this from Brooke and now Brooke was extremely angry.

She took a deep breath before she started to explain. “Basically, I got offered a promotion but I’d have to move to Chicago for it and I was just looking online out of curiosity to see—”

“And you didn’t even think to discuss this with me? We’re engaged, Vanessa! I feel like this is something we should’ve at least had a conversation about!,” Brooke yelled and Vanessa was speechless again. She knew something like this would’ve happened but she didn’t even bother to prevent it from happening. She just accepted that there would be an argument. “So what are you thinking of doing?” Brooke asked quietly and timidly, as if she was afraid of what Vanessa’s response was going to be.

“I think…I think I might take it.” Vanessa couldn’t even look Brooke in the eyes, she just stared at the floor.

“I can’t believe this. I cannot fucking believe this.” Brooke grabbed her coat and stormed out of the apartment without even looking back at Vanessa. All she could hear was the door slam and then Thackery came running into the bedroom to investigate what had happened. Vanessa picked him up and cuddled him close to her as she cried a little bit. She knew this was bad.

After Vanessa finished crying, she looked at the bed behind her and noticed that Brooke had left her phone on the bed. She tried to be mad at Brooke for not taking her phone with her when she was going out alone. Did she not know how dangerous that was? What if something happened? Now all Vanessa could do was worry.

She sent a quick text to Yvie, apologising that she couldn’t make it to the party after all. She climbed into bed with Brooke’s phone in her hands and decided that she wasn’t going to get any sleep at all that night so she might as well wait up for Brooke to come home. Then they could talk.

—

2nd of November 2019:

Two full days had passed and Vanessa still hadn’t heard from Brooke since she had stormed out on Halloween. The only form of contact she had received from her fiancé was a text from Nina to say that Brooke had decided to stay at her place for a while. Not even a phone call.

Vanessa was so angry and the only thing that had happened from Brooke being gone was the fact that it allowed Vanessa’s anger to grow and grow. Not only had she just left without saying where she was going, she hadn’t even been happy for Vanessa about her promotion. She knew she shouldn’t have kept it a secret from Brooke, that was wrong. But surely Brooke could’ve been at least a tiny bit happy for her? She knew if the roles were reversed, she would’ve been proud of Brooke, regardless of the situation.

It was in that moment that Vanessa decided that she had had enough of waiting around for Brooke to come home. She was going to go to Nina’s house and drag Brooke back to their apartment if she had to. She quickly threw on some jeans and a hoodie and just as she was putting her boots on, the door opened.

It was Brooke.

“Hi…” She said as she walked sheepishly over to the couch and sat down. Thackery immediately ran over to her and Brooke began to stroke his head gently. Vanessa stared at her in disbelief as she finally felt some sort of relief that Brooke had returned home safely.

“I think we need to have a talk, B…” Vanessa said softly and Brooke nodded her head in agreement.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Vanessa sat down in the armchair opposite where Brooke was sitting and there was an awkward silence in the room until Vanessa began to speak.

“Listen, Brooke, I’m so sorry for not telling you about it and I’m sorry you had to find out because I did it on your laptop but—”

“I think you should go to Chicago.” Vanessa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Out of all the things she thought Brooke might say, that response didn’t even come into her mind.

“You do?,” Vanessa asked and Brooke nodded her head slowly while avoiding eye contact with Vanessa. “Okay, well, long distance will be hard but we can talk on the phone all the time and we can fly out to visit each other every few weekends…”

“No, babe, that’s not what I mean,” Brooke said with a voice full of sadness. Vanessa looked at her in confusion so Brooke decided to just continue speaking. “I don’t want to be the one to hold you back, Ness. You should go to Chicago and…we should break up.” Brooke said the last part so quietly that she wasn’t sure if Vanessa had even heard her but, judging by the look on her face, Vanessa had heard.

She was in shock. So much shock. She couldn’t believe Brooke was trying to break up with her right now…over a stupid job offer.

“I can find a smaller apartment here fast enough; I’ll be out of your way so you can pack up all your stuff for your move.” Brooke spoke like she was closing a business deal and not like she was breaking off an engagement and that really hurt Vanessa.

“Why are you doing this, Brooke?” Vanessa said with tears in her eyes and if Vanessa looked very closely, she could see that Brooke was holding back tears too.

“Because I think it’s what right in this situation.” Brooke replied and Vanessa held her breath to stop herself from exploding in anger.

“Don’t I get a say in this?,” Vanessa asked loudly and Brooke flinched at how loud her voice was. Brooke didn’t respond to Vanessa’s question, which only made Vanessa’s anger grow. “If long distance is the issue here, I can turn down the job, Brooke. It’s not worth ending our whole fucking relationship because of this!”

“No.” Brooke stated firmly as she wiped a tear away from her eyes.

“No?” Vanessa questioned, standing up and putting her hand on her hip.

“I can’t be the reason you turn down your dream job,” Brooke got up from the couch and stood right in front of Vanessa. “If we don’t break up, this relationship is going to turn toxic so quickly and we’re going to end up hating each other.”

“So this is your final decision?” Vanessa asked. On the outside, she looked like she didn’t give a shit what happened but on the inside, she was begging Brooke to change her mind.

“Yeah…it is.”

“Well then, I guess you were right when you said that we’d start to hate each other. Because I really hate you for doing this to me.” Vanessa grabbed her jacket and her bag and stormed out of the apartment in tears. All Brooke wanted to do was go after her but she knew she shouldn’t. They weren’t together anymore.

—

11th of November 2019:

Vanessa’s sister Alexis had agreed to come to the apartment with Vanessa to pack up all of her stuff before she left New York. It wasn’t a big apartment and Vanessa didn’t have that much stuff; she knew she could easily pack it all up in a day with no help. But being in that apartment alone would break her and she would spend the entire day crying. That’s why she needed her sister there to take her mind off of it and force her to get it all done and packed up.

Brooke was at work, thank God, so Vanessa didn’t have to worry about seeing her again. She didn’t know what she would do if that happened.

The majority of Brooke’s stuff was gone when Vanessa had arrived, apart from a few boxes that Brooke said she would pick up later when Vanessa was gone. It made Vanessa feel weird seeing their apartment so empty. She always pictured that when they moved out of the apartment, it would be to a house where they would spend the rest of their lives. She never imagined it would end like this.

Brooke had sent Vanessa a text saying that since Thackery was a gift to Vanessa, she should be the one to keep him. Of course, Vanessa was absolutely overjoyed that she didn’t have to lose Thackery too, he was like her baby. But she couldn’t help but feel angry that Brooke had just given him up so willingly. That she had just given Vanessa up so willingly.

As Vanessa finished packing up the last box of kitchen utensils, she had tears in her eyes. This was really it. She had packed her entire life up in just a few hours. 18 months of memories in their home vanished before her eyes.

“Are you sure you’re making the right decision here, Vanjie?” Alexis asked, rubbing her younger sisters back comfortingly while she cried.

“No…but it’s what Brooke Lynn wants and I can’t force her to be in a relationship with me. So it’s what’s happening.” After crying on the floor for a further thirty minutes, Vanessa regained herself and stood up. They began bringing the boxes downstairs in the elevator and once Alexis had taken the last box out of the apartment, Vanessa knew there was one thing she had to leave behind.

She took her engagement ring out of her pocket and left it on Brooke’s nightstand. Maybe she could return it and get her money back. Vanessa didn’t care what she did with it. As long as she didn’t have to look at it anymore, she was happy. As she closed the door to the apartment behind her with Thackery in her arms, she didn’t know what to expect from her new life in Chicago. She just hoped that it wouldn’t leave her as heartbroken as New York had.

—

22nd of December 2019:

The law firm that Brooke Lynn worked at had decided to close for a full two weeks during the Christmas period to allow their employees to have a well-deserved rest. To the majority of her colleagues, this had been amazing news. They got to spend so much time with their families over the holiday period and didn’t have to think about work until the new year. But for Brooke, this couldn’t have come at a worse time.

She was having to spend an entire day alone for the first time since Vanessa had moved to Chicago.

She had thrown herself into her work as soon as she had broken up with Vanessa, even more so than before the break up. She worked from 8am until 10 o’clock at night. She worked weekends and even took on more cases than she usually would just to ensure that she always had something to do. She didn’t want even a second to be alone with her thoughts because if she had that time, she wouldn’t recover from it.

Working pretty much all the time had its rewards: she had received yet another pay increase as well as a lot of recognition from the owners of the company. But none of that made her happy. She just felt empty. Empty like the apartment she was currently sitting in.

She had moved in at the beginning of December and she still hadn’t gotten around to unpacking everything, she had made herself that busy. As she looked around the tiny apartment, she felt awful. For the first time that month, she allowed herself to feel. All she wanted was Vanessa. But she knew she couldn’t have her.

She always knew that Vanessa was too good for her. The idea that Vanessa would be willing to give up her dream job for Brooke didn’t sit right with her. She just knew that Vanessa would end up resenting her for it down the line…and she couldn’t have that. She would rather let Vanessa go now and let her enjoy her life to the fullest instead of staying with her and getting married and then have Vanessa only realise what a mistake she had made after a couple of years had gone by. Vanessa didn’t deserve that. It was better this way. It had to be.

She lay down on the couch with a glass of Pinot Grigio in her hand and she knew that this was exactly how she would be spending the entire holiday season. Alone and miserable, on her couch with a glass of wine.

She took out her phone and went to the photo app. She knew this was a mistake but she couldn’t stop herself. There were pictures of their first date, of when they got Thackery, of when they got engaged. As Brooke sobbed, she locked her phone and downed the wine. It was then that she realised she had made the worst mistake of her entire life.

—

25th of December 2020:

Vanessa lit her Christmas scented candle in her new apartment and snuggled up on the couch under a warm, fuzzy blanket. She was trying to make the atmosphere around her seem very festive to hide the fact that she was miserable spending Christmas by herself.

Her mom had planned on coming to stay with her but her grandmother in Puerto Rico was super sick and Vanessa knew that her mom wouldn’t forgive herself if something happened to her grandma and she wasn’t there for it. She understood why she was alone. But just because she understood it did not mean she was okay with it.

She never imagined that she would ever have to spend Christmas by herself. She had no gifts to give to anyone and she certainly hadn’t received any. She hadn’t even made any friends at her new job yet. She was completely by herself.

Work was a lot more difficult than she thought it would be. There were a lot of new things she had to get used to and she definitely hadn’t settled in yet. She missed Brooke. She missed the familiarity of New York City. She missed knowing which restaurants were really good and which ones she should avoid. She missed having last minute plans and hanging out with her friends at a moments notice. She even just missed watching movies with Brooke in their apartment with Thackery cuddled up in between them.

To make matters worse, Thackery had not adapted to the new apartment at all. He simply had not gotten used to being in a new place. Vanessa couldn’t blame him, neither had she. He spent most of his time trying to escape from the apartment and when he wasn’t doing that, he was angrily meowing at the door. Vanessa had to give him attention at every second and if she stopped, he would have a meltdown. Vanessa knew the feeling.

She came to the conclusion that Thackery missed his other mom. She sat down on the kitchen floor with a bottle of tequila and Thackery by her side.

“I know, baby, I miss her too.”

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

Hey, so I know there's a lot of fics out there where Jask is comforting the reader. But I thought what if we had a fic where the reader and Jask are long time friends, and she meets him on the road as he's coming back from the argument looking rather meloncholic. And the reader takes it into her own hands to make sure that he is okay and cheers him up, and maybe there's a romantic moment caused by candlelight as she sings to him trying to make him laugh?

Fandom: The WitcherPairing: Jaskier x ReaderWord Count: 1,420 blaze itRating: TTaglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak @whatevermonkey @mynamesoundslikesherlock @magic-multicolored-miracle  a/n: I pity the writers who eventually handle the reuniting/apology scene because they’re going to have a thousand fic authors staring it down, comparing it to the many versions they’ve written. Here is one of the many possible versions of post-mountain Jaskier comforting for you. Hope you like it!

It took you a moment to believe that it was truly Jaskier walking down the path. The man who approached walked in a subdued, slow way and not with the rollicking gait of your bard. He didn’t gesture even once, hands at his sides as he marched. His head looked to the ground instead of the sky as usual, something that had caused him to nearly collide with countless things that you always pulled him away from just in time. If it weren’t for the brilliant red of his doublet and trousers and the fine lute at his back you might have let him pass by unnoticed.

“Jaskier! You’ve returned early!” you called, leaning out the window of the little smithy you worked at. Jaskier looked up and there was the final proof; those forget-me-not eyes.

“Y/N,” he said, walking over to you in a sort of daze. You could practically see the raincloud that followed him. Every inch of him spoke of sadness and you felt guilty for being so damned happy to see him.

“Is everything alright? Was the trip more boring than you’d expected?” you asked. He gave a rueful smile, still not fully meeting your eyes.

“Ah, no, it was certainly eventful,” he answered.

“I’m going to be done here in a moment, want to wait while I work? Maybe start crafting your song for the adventure?” you offered. He usually jumped at the chance to work there, claiming that the smithy was the perfect place to work, the clanging of the hammers providing an epic backdrop to his writing.

“I don’t want to be a bother,” he murmured. You frowned, growing more worried by the moment.

“You aren’t a bother,” you insisted, “I’d like you to stay.”

At this, he looked up, and his eyes met yours with a glimmer of hope in them. You smiled encouragingly and though he didn’t return it, he nodded and followed you over to his usual corner not far from your usual anvil. He didn’t write as you worked, he just stared out at the mountain silently. You worked as fast as you could without damaging the quality of the shield you were making and as soon as it was done you returned to Jaskier, wiping the beaded sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand.

“Alright, I’ve an idea,” you suggested, pulling his attention back to you, “I will make us a lovely little picnic and we will go to the orchard near my home and we can talk about whatever you’d like. Or I can do the talking! Either way there shall be words.”

He opened his mouth to respond and you saw the conflict in his eyes.

“I insist so you might as well just jump to the part where you agree to come,” you said, a determined glint in your eye that he knew better than to argue against. He nodded again and you parted ways, hurrying home to bathe and gather what you needed to get ready. It didn’t take you long before you’d washed, changed, and pulled together a basket filled with food and a few extra supplies you’d decided you should bring. You got to the orchard before him which gave you time to set out the blanket and the candles you’d brought to provide some light, though you made sure they weren’t close enough to any trees to cause catastrophe. By the time Jaskier arrived you were just uncorking the wine.

“Did you do this all…”

“For you?” you finished for him, “Yes, yes I did.”

“But… why?” he asked bluntly. Jaskier wasn’t one to question a good thing and your stomach twisted with worry. Whatever had happened on the mountain must have been unspeakably awful.

“Well because I… care very much for you and appreciate the time we get together,” you answered simply. Jaskier stared at you for a moment, sad eyes warring with an uncertainty that wasn’t like your usually confident bard. You patted the empty spot next to you on the blanket and he joined, resting his lute behind him on the grass. As you ate the simple but delicious meal you provided you made good on your promise to talk. You told him anecdotes of things that had happened in town since he’d been gone and you even got him to chuckle when you described an incident involving a chicken, a cow, and a gardener. You watched him begin to relax but there was still a lingering sadness that you were determined to dispel.

“Will you sing for me?” you asked, gesturing to the lute. Jaskier was always quick to comply, loving nothing more than entertaining people. But his eyes fell away from yours again as he replied.

“Ah… maybe not tonight, if that’s ok,” he replied. There was a beat of silence and then you reached for the lute yourself. You never would have dared to touch his prized possession but if this was what it took to jar him from his melancholy, it was a price you were willing to pay. You saw his eyes widen as you took it in hand, trying to remember how he held the damn thing and where to put your fingers. You cleared your throat and fixed him with a solemn look, straightening your spine in an officious way.

“Then may I present to you the Ballad of the Bard,” you said and then strummed. Well, more accurately you plunked the cords in a way that made you both wince and the hint of a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth. You had no song prepared, of course, but you were quick-witted and started singing, trusting the words and tune would come to you magically.

“There is a bard so blue of eye

That you may think that you have died

If you but glimpse its… its… cornflow’r hue

And feel his charm wash over you

His name it means buttercup

But he is no frail flower

In talents no one measures up

So great are his… song… powers…?”

Jaskier snorted, the most beautiful sound you heard followed by laughter as he waved apologetically.

“I’m so sorry, no, that’s… that’s brilliant truly, do continue,” he said through chuckles. You stood up, careful not to let the hem of your dress brush the flames that licked at them, and Jaskier gazed up at you with a familiar twinkle in his eye.

“Oh he’s a dandy fellow, yes

Always dressing to impress

But if you get a glimpse blow

The layers there is more to show….

Oh that got a bit… that got a bawdy didn’t it?” you stopped yourself, blushing a little as some of your more private thoughts about the bard slipped in.

“Some of the best songs are,” Jaskier replied, reaching up a hand to held you down. You stumbled a little, knocking him back and landing on his chest, noses bumping against each other. The soft blue eyes looked into yours and you knew he could feel the violent beating of your heart against his chest. His eyes fell to your lips and he licked his own, momentarily lost in thought. You stayed like that for a moment, afraid to move lest this moment end but equally afraid of what may happen next.

“Jaskier,” you said breathlessly, “You’re… on fire.”

“Yes,” he replied, just as breathlessly, “Yes I feel… a great burning for you…”

“No Jaskier you’re literally on fire, move!” you cried, seizing a fistful of blanket to smother the flames that began to lick at his doublet, sending bits of bread and cheese flying. Jaskier quickly shrugged out of his now charred doublet, wearing only his undershirt with his generous glimpse of chest hair and you tried not to stare as you gathered the blanket and the strewn items.

“Well adding a fire element was a new thing I must say,” Jaskier joked, “Not enough bards use fire.”

“It wasn’t intentional I assure you. And I think I’ve proven tonight that I am no bard,” you laughed.

“Oh I don’t know,” Jaskier argued, “I thought your song was very inspiring.”

You pulled the blanket together with Jaskier’s help and he threw the sack over his shoulder.

“I’ll follow you, then?” he asked, giving you a meaningful look. You knew there was still more to talk about and you wanted him to confide in you. But you also knew what that look meant.

There would be time to talk in the morning.

[hms-chill]

Christmas Break

Summary: Alex comes home from a Christmas party to find Henry still in the office, and this close to Christmas, he really can't have his boyfriend working so late.

-

"When was the last time you moved?"

Alex's voice cuts through the soft music playing from Henry's laptop, forcing him to drag his eyes away from the screen and book splayed open beside him. Alex is still dressed like an elf, and the bells on his shoes jingle as he walks across their shared office to drape himself over his boyfriend's shoulders and kiss Henry's cheek. Henry smiles, closing his eyes and gently bouncing his head against Alex's, enjoying having his boyfriend so close after so long. He realizes that he's smiling, and he lets himself just enjoy Alex's presence for a second before he answers.

"Hello to you, too. I went to the toilet and got a cup of tea a bit ago."

"Was that before or after I left?"

"Before; I said goodbye then."

Alex pulls away, spinning Henry's chair with him and frowning a bit. "Henry, baby, I've been gone for four hours."

"I've been busy working--"

"I know, but--"

"Look; you've got to read some of these sources. They're about the 1970 Christopher Street Memorial March, which was really the first ever pride, and they're from people talking about how powerful it was. This one in particular; look. It's about turning around and seeing these thousands of people who'd joined along the way, because they barely started with any, and can you just imagine, 1970, and there are suddenly all of these wonderful queer people standing up together--"

"I can't wait to read about it, but right now, I need you up." Alex has spun Henry's chair completely away from the desk now, and he's pulling Henry up, despite Henry's groans.

"What's this?" Henry asks, once he's finally on his feet and Alex is settling a hand on his shoulder.

"It's a waltz, baby."

Henry forces himself to actually listen to the background music, and it its, in fact, a waltz. Alex is in position, waiting for him to lead, but Henry pulls him in close and they wander in a vaguely waltz-shaped square instead of sticking to proper form. His grandmother would have something to say about this, doubtless, but the waltz form would be the least of her worries. Alex is rubbing his back, just at the place where his stress sits, and Henry rests his chin on Alex's head. The bell on the top of Alex's ridiculous elf hat jingles dejectedly under his chin, but Henry ignores it, letting himself just relax in Alex's arms. They're together, and they have time, and they're allowed to do things like this now. He hopes it never gets old.

"How was the party?" he asks eventually, and he can hear the smile in Alex's voice.

"It was good. The congresswoman was wonderful; she always is. Her constituents love her, and that makes working for her really fun. Plus, all I did was give kids gifts and play dreidel and talk to people; it barely felt like a work event. She's just such a great person, and she's fun to work for, and it was a great way to start Christmas break."

Henry hums, pulling Alex's hat off to kiss the top of his head. "Does it feel good to be out of your chair?" Alex asks, and Henry nods.

"It does. Thank you. Although I have realized I rather need to use the toilet now; I filled the tea pot and then drank it all myself."

Alex laughs. He lets go as the song ends, but Henry pulls him into a stationary hug, so he hugs back.

"Thank you for looking after me," Henry says, and Alex nods.

"Of course. You're working so hard, and I know this is important, but you've got time. I just want you to look out for yourself. While I had finals I could make sure you were taken care of, but now I'm on a break I feel like I want you to take one, too. You deserve to have someone looking out for you."

"If I get this book done by the new year, though, I'll have more time for edits and I could still get it out by June," Henry says, "I want it to be available in time for pride."

"You will. You're such a good writer, and you've put so much into this. It's beautiful; you could publish it right now and it would be a bestseller that changed people's lives. But you've been working so hard; you deserve a break as much as the rest of us."

"I suppose..."

"I know. You're brilliant, and you're passionate, and you're wonderful," Alex says, punctuating each adjective with a kiss to Henry's cheek or jaw, "and I'm infinitely proud of you. I just hope... last week, when I was drowning in finals, you were always getting on me to rest and look after myself. I just want you to do that, too."

"I will. I promise. But right now, I've drunk an awful lot of tea and quite desperately need the toilet."

Alex laughs as he lets go, then asks, "Want me to look anything over?"

"There's a paragraph highlighted. Thank you."

Alex nods, sitting in Henry's chair and scrolling up through the document to find the paragraph. When Henry comes back, he finds Alex mid-yawn, staring at the screen with furrowed brows. He's still in his ridiculous costume, hair matted by the hat he's left to the side, but his glasses are on. He's clearly making a valiant effort to stay awake enough to proof read, and looking at him like this, Henry's not sure he's ever been more in love. He wishes he could take this image, his perfect boyfriend sitting at his desk and investing time and effort in loving everything Henry loves, and show it to his past self. He wishes that sixteen-year-old Henry could see that some day, he is going to be so overwhelmingly loved and cared for that he sometimes forgets to breathe. He'd think it was impossible, but still. He deserves to know.

"I think maybe this can wait until tomorrow," Henry says softly, and when Alex turns to look at him, he can see just how tired his boyfriend really is. It's been a long week for both of them; Henry working on the book and Alex finishing finals and immediately jumping into work on the party tonight. When he thinks about everything they've done, a part of Henry is surprised they're still standing.

"But you wanted me to look, and we're supposed to leave for DC tomorrow."

"It'll be alright. I can bring it on the plane if we don't have time in the morning, and even if you don't get a chance to look, it's okay. You said yourself; we deserve a break."

"But I can help you. You've been working so hard on this all day, and you were so excited to tell me about it. I want to know what got you so fired up."

"I'll tell you what. I haven't written this bit yet, but come to bed with me now, and I'll tell you about the Boston Bisexual Women's Network."

Alex holds out his arms, and Henry hauls him upright, talking about bi history as they make their way to the bedroom. It's a miracle they get Alex's stupid jingly shoes off before they both collapse into bed, cuddled close, and Henry gets to watch Alex fall asleep with a little smile on his face.

On AO3

Notes: 

Projection onto Henry? In my fic? It's more likely than you'd think. Also throwback to that point in the book where it says Henry doesn't like to waltz and then I completely ignored that because a waltz is easy to learn. Also because my hang drum study playlist had a waltz on it and I was researching Stonewall and it felt perfect. - If anyone needs study music, I'd really recommend Dante Bucci's hang drum; it's just nice and relaxing. And if you're interested in queer history, I'd recommend We Are Everywhere by Matthew Rimer and Leighton Brown. It's beautiful, y'all.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

this pandemic is such a mentally and physically exhausting, traumatic experience; its a really hard thing to go through so setbacks in mental and physical health are gonna happen. that doesn't mean in another 4-6 months you won't get back into a good routine! please don't berate yourself for being affected! xo

My issues actually started last October 😔 my life seriously went down hill, and then I failed one of my classes which really... messed me up. More than I thought, because I went into the worst depression spiral I've ever had during my 2 month break, which is usually my favorite part of the year. That middle of December into the middle of February is when I catch up on all the things I've neglected during the fall semester; I love the weather because I can snuggle up with my dog and some coco and a book/fic, and it's usually so peaceful. But this year it was just awful.

And then what's really messed me up on top of THAT was an especially awful breakup just after Valentine's Day that pretty much wrecked my life and left me crying for almost a week straight. Also the evening following the breakup I had my first Econ 102 exam which I completely failed... luckily my professor had the good grace to give me an A in the class because I pulled myself together over the next three months. Ironically I actually dropped like 10 pounds that month between the depression and stress over school.

Then the quarantine in March actually didn't affect me all that much, in the beginning. It was honestly the best thing that could have happened for my grades, since it meant everything was suddenly open book. I did good on the rest if my Econ tests and passed the class I failed last semester, and picked my GPA back up.

But then the quarantine continued. And continued. And continued. I didn't mind in the beginning because I thought I wasn't doing much outside of my house, but I've realized just how much I'm missing now. I can't go to the gym, or the beach, or even just randomly shop around town. I turn 20 next month and I had all these plans to go on a road trip up the coast, but clearly that's not happening.

I got my job and that was amazing, until I started actually working and now it's just another source of stress. I had to cancel my first escrow today, after 2 months working on it. And not to be crass, but I was going to get paid $12k when it closed. I was really hoping to buy myself snowboarding lessons this Christmas since I've always wanted to, but it's like 2k for the week with travel and lodging expenses, so THATS not happening.

This was supposed to be my year. I'm starting a new decade of my life and I was going to get my shit together so I could go into it with s fresh slate. Instead I'm at an all time low... which I know isn't actually true. My family is in a much better place than we were 10 years ago, we've come a long way. But 10 years ago I didn't have depression to constantly remind me of all the things that suck.

I'm lonely and I feel like Shit because I can't even tell myself it's my choice anymore; that choice has been taken away, and it doesn't look like anything's going to change anytime soon. I was going to graduate and transfer out next fall, but I can't take classes this fall which is going to put me a year behind, so that's awesome.

I can't even manage to write. Estranged was supposed to be done 2 months ago so that I could start writing SoGo in June, but obvs that hasn't happened. Never mind that the fic was REALLY supposed to be done last December. At this point I may as well just keep waiting until THIS December and finish it on Christmas like originally intended.

Sorry for ranting 😔

I'm doing some cooking tonight and I'm going to get back into mealprepping/working out tomorrow, since part of my problem is that I feel so listless. I need a solid plan of what to do so that I stop spending my money eating out and wasting my time at my computer. Work hasn't given me the structure I'd hoped for (yaaay, being an independent contractor. Perks: if I don't want to work I don't have to. Cons: if I don't ant to work I don't have to.) but I'm going to work on that too.

And on the bright side, I ordered a really nice copy of Coraline yesterday. I've been meaning to read it for years, and I'm finally getting to it!

[purrincess-chat]

Marinette and the Lost Temple CH2

Here is the next installment of my Marinette March fic!

Read on AO3

Chapter 2

“Do you know what you have to do?”

Plagg lounged on his side on Master Fu’s mattress next to a large plate of cheese. He caressed a wedge tenderly before stuffing it down his gullet and shrugging.

“You want me to take the kid to the old temple grounds,” he said around a mouthful before swallowing.

“Yes, but not right away,” Master Fu corrected. “Let her enjoy her vacation a little. I fear that what happens there might impact the rest of her visit.”

“You humans are so fickle,” Plagg said, patting his swollen belly with a belch. “So easily influenced by your emotions.”

“I have often wondered if I would get to see her through this journey, and the time has finally come,” Master Fu traced his fingers over a small lanyard fondly. “I only hope she can forgive me.”

“For what?”

“For what I did all those years ago,” Fu said somberly, tucking the charm back into its box. “The time has finally come for her to learn.”

“Do you really think it’s going to change her opinion of you that much?” Master Fu flicked his gaze to meet Plagg’s, and the kwami’s ears flattened.

“I think it’s going to break her heart.”

***

“Ah, Sabine, Marinette!” Aunt Jie smiled as they approached from the terminal, stretching her arms out to embrace her sister. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

“I’ve missed you,” her mother hummed before pulling away and placing her hand on the small of Marinette’s back.

“Don’t tell me this is Marinette? She’s gotten so big since you last visited,” Aunt Jie gasped, placing a hand over her throat.

“Hi,” Marinette waved shyly, tugging at her blazer.

“You resemble your mother a lot, Marinette,” Aunt Jie said with a proud smile. “How old are you now?”

“14,” Marinette replied.

“Time flies,” Sabine chuckled, and Aunt Jie cupped Marinette’s cheek fondly before turning and gesturing them to the stairs.

“Baggage claim is this way,” she said, and Marinette fell in line behind her mother.

“Are we there yet? I’m hungry,” Plagg poked his head out of Marinette’s purse with a groan, and Marinette quickly clamped her hand over him.

“Did you say something, dear?” Sabine asked, turning over her shoulder.

“I, uh, I’m hungry. Are we going to stop and eat soon?” Marinette said, fastening the clasp on her purse.

“Mom has prepared a meal for us at home. We wanted to welcome you both properly and give Marinette a taste of her heritage,” Aunt Jie said, and Marinette nodded appreciatively, shooting a glare at Plagg through her purse when they both turned back around.

She wondered if Plagg caused this many problems for Chat Noir as well, or if he was just acting out for her. They were going to have a long chat later about staying out of sight. Hopefully the Camembert Master Fu and Chat Noir arranged for him would arrive soon.

After claiming their baggage, her aunt drove them to their family home in a small town just outside the city, and Marinette gazed out the window in awe at all of the unfamiliar sights. When they pulled up to the house, several people stood on the front porch waiting, and she felt her stomach flip as Aunt Jie shut off the engine.

“We’re here,” she said, smiling over her shoulder at Marinette in the back seat.

A small old woman appeared in the doorway as they climbed from the car, and Marinette followed her mother's lead, bowing respectfully. Her grandmother smiled, carefully stepping from the porch as they paced to meet her halfway.

“Hello, mother,” Sabine said in Chinese, one of the few phrases Marinette knew.

“Um, ni hao!” Marinette said, cheeks flushing.

“Bonjour, Marinette. It's good to see you,” her grandmother greeted in perfect French which made sense considering she was half French herself and had grown up in Paris.

“My beautiful, Sabine!” Grandpa Cheng called from the porch.

“Come inside, we've prepared lunch. You two must be hungry,” Grandma Cheng urged, and Marinette followed behind her mother like a baby duckling.

“How was your flight?”

Marinette let her mother do most of the talking as they entered their family estate, and Marinette heard the distant caw of a rooster. She knew her family owned a little land, but she hadn't anticipated so much room and found herself wishing they lived in the city instead of the countryside. So much open space made her feel exposed and vulnerable, and she curled her shoulders a little as they made their way to the dining room.

“You should show Marinette the garden after lunch, mom. Sabine tells me she has quite the green thumb,” Aunt Jie suggested while they ate.

“Ah, yes, I can show her, her tree,” Grandma Cheng nodded, and Marinette tilted her head to one side.

“My tree?”

“Your grandmother planted an apple tree in the garden the day you were born,” Aunt Jie explained. “She believes that if she takes care of it that you will be healthy.”

“It is my way of keeping in touch. I know that if the tree is flourishing then so is Marinette,” Grandma Cheng said, retrieving an apple from the bowl in the center of the table. “She has produced well this year, so I see that you have had a prosperous year.”

“It's been...exciting,” Marinette said thinking back to the first day of school with a wince, shoving a piece of shrimp into her purse when no one was looking.

“Marinette won a design contest held by her favorite designer, and his son modeled her hat at a fashion show,” Sabine explained proudly, and her grandmother nodded knowingly.

“I sensed greatness in her from the very moment I planted that tree,” Grandma Cheng gave her hand a squeeze, and Marinette smiled, a sense of pride swirling in her chest.

After lunch, Marinette accompanied her grandmother out to the garden while Sabine and Aunt Jie caught up. Things were much quieter there allowing her to hear the rustle of leaves when the wind blew or the wings of birds as they flitted from branch to branch. Everything was so tranquil, and the once daunting silence now brought her a sense of calm she never got in the city.

“I see why you live out here now,” she remarked, leaning her head back to let the sun kiss her cheeks.

“City life is exciting, but in my old age I find it a bit too exciting,” Grandma Cheng said. “Your grandfather and I used to love Paris. It was our home, but when his parents grew ill, we knew this was where we needed to be. Now I can't picture being anywhere else.”

“It's beautiful here. I've never seen so much green before,” Marinette gazed around at all of the trees and crops growing in their vegetable garden until her eyes settled on a small tree set apart from the rest.

“This is my Marinette,” Grandma Cheng said, running her hand along the bark. “I've noticed her losing more leaves than usual lately which isn't common this time of year. You are under a lot of stress.”

Marinette bit back a wince. It wasn't like she could tell her that she spent a lot of time fighting supervillains and juggling school, but Marinette sensed that her grandmother could tell something was going on in her life.

“I just stay busy, that's all,” she shrugged.

“I can tell you have a great responsibility on your shoulders, but I know that you will overcome it. You are strong,” Grandma Cheng said, and Marinette stared up into the leaves with a small smile.

“Thanks, Grandma.”

“Why don't you take a walk around? I find that a bit of fresh air helps clear my head,” she suggested, turning back to the house. “I'll put on some tea for you when you come back inside.”

“Okay.” Marinette waited until she was out of sight before treading down the small path to the stream, and Plagg emerged from her purse.

“Your grandma is a wise woman,” he said, stretching his limbs. “That shrimp she made was almost as tasty as Camembert.”

“We need to figure out a way to sneak off to find that place Master Fu wants me to go,” Marinette said, retrieving the slip of paper and reading it once more. “We may have to sneak out tonight after everyone goes to bed.”

“Ugh, we just got here! Can't we take a break for a while? This is a vacation after all,” Plagg whined.

“Master Fu instructed me to go here, and he wouldn't have done that if it weren't important. The sooner we go, the better,” Marinette said, tucking it back into her purse decidedly.

“Oh, c'mon. Don't you ever take a break?” Plagg said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Your grandma just told you that you should destress, so why not rest up for a few days before you go? Need I remind you, you don't even know what it is. You may need all of your strength.”

“You think it's something dangerous?” Marinette shrank a little.

“I'm not saying it isn't dangerous,” Plagg shrugged.

“Are you only telling me that so you can lay around and do nothing for a few days?” Marinette quirked a brow.

“I'm insulted that you would even suggest such a thing!” Plagg scoffed. “But...considering you do save Paris every day, don't you want a break?”

“Well…” Marinette curled her shoulders.

“The thing that Master Fu wants you to see has been there for centuries, and it will still be there in a few days. Trust me, I was there when it was built,” Plagg said, placing a small paw on her shoulder. “You need to unwind.”

“I guess a couple days couldn't hurt...It gives me time to find my way around,” she tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Fine. We'll relax for a few days, but don't think you're just gonna get to lay around and do nothing, lazy bones. If it is something dangerous then I need to prepare for it.”

“You're the worst person to vacation with,” Plagg griped, floating back down to her purse, and Marinette puffed out her cheeks before storming up the bank.

[cycwrites]

The Reckoning - A Fic Tease

Fic Tease time again. The Bella Reunion post USO Tour. I swear I’m going to end up writing all of PP3 in teases unintentionally.

Nowish takes place March-July 2017, USO tour happens March 2018, Tattoos in Aprilish 2018 and this is after.

Fair warning – this is only a partial chapter and could change a bit when it’s finally included in the actual story.

Rating: Teen

Words: 8200

Also on AO3

A Shared Lifetime  - All my works in my alternate timeline so far, including my other fic teases. 

Thanks, as always, to @tiny-maus-boots for the above and beyond Beta/Editor work she does.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

~B~

“I texted CR to let her know we’re here and about to check in.” Beca looked up as Stacie opened the rental car door to let her out of the backseat. “Thanks, babe.” She groaned as she got out and stretched her legs. It wasn’t a long drive from the airport to their hotel, but after the plane ride even she was feeling a little cramped.

“Think they’re readying shots for us again?” Aubrey asked from the other side of the car as she opened the door for Chloe.

“Probably.” Beca leaned back and felt her spine pop back into place. “I quite enjoyed being handed vodka shots when we walked in at Barden last year. I just hope Amy keeps away from the Tequila this time.” She shuddered. “It doesn’t even taste good, why do we keep doing it? Better yet, why do I keep drinking till I throw up?”

“But I held your hair back and everything.” Stacie ran her hand through Beca’s hair. “I didn’t think such a small body could hold that much vomit.”

“I did.” Chloe walked around the trunk to wind her arm around Beca’s waist. “I’m just glad you were there to get her to the bathroom.”

“Eh.” Stacie shrugged. “You and Bree were dancing. B and I were only gone a few minutes. I’m just glad Aubrey came prepared.”

Beca made a face. “Me too.” Aubrey, based on past experiences, had taken the precaution of bringing four different mini toothbrushes as well as a mini tube of toothpaste in her purse that night. “I’d take any version of Amy’s Aussie Surprise over Tequila. Someone please remind me of that tonight when I’m drunk and making bad choices?”

Aubrey laughed as Stacie popped the trunk open. “No promises, love.”

“You just want to get me drunk and take advantage of me.” Beca moved to the back of the car and took Aubrey’s bag out before she could.

“I don’t need you drunk for that,” Aubrey leaned down and purred in her ear, her voice deliberately deeper.

“Aubrey Marie Posen, do not start that right now.” Beca closed her eyes as a shiver went through her, having to lean on the edge of the trunk as her legs felt momentarily wobbly. “We promised we’d just drop the bags off and go right to the convention room. You give me that voice now and we’re never going to make it.” Which, Beca knew, was exactly the response Aubrey was trying to provoke and one that she was more than willing to give into.

Aubrey laughed and ran her hand down Beca’s arm. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, I don’t know that I believe that.” Chloe said from where she leaned against the side of the car, watching them. “I think you just like it when Beca’s all horny and can’t do anything about it.”

As Aubrey only smiled, the heat of which caused Beca to shiver again, Stacie gently moved Aubrey away from the trunk before she could grab more than their shared carry on and began to help Beca unload the rest of their bags. “I know I like it when she does that.”

“To you or Beca?” Chloe smiled as Beca handed her the small bag that held their combined toiletries.

“Yes.” Stacie answered absently, scanning the trunk for anything left behind. “Watch your fingers. I’m awful fond of them.” She looked to make sure everyone was clear and then closed the trunk. Fishing the keys out of her pocket, she hit the lock before replacing them so she could grab the handles of both her and Aubrey’s rolling suitcases.

Beca did the same for hers and Chloe’s and headed for the entrance to the Miami Hilton. “You guys are the worst.”

“That’s not what you said last night.” Aubrey said, her voice skirting the line between Normal Aubrey and Sex Voice Aubrey. She laughed when Beca almost tripped over her own feet. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll behave.” She waited until they had almost reached the door. “At least until tonight.”

Beca felt her stomach tighten with desire and groaned. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you just…” She trailed off. “How long do we have to stay at this thing?”

“It’s tradition to close it down.” Chloe said, smiling at the doorman who held the door open for them. “Thank you.”

“That feels like a year away.” Beca groaned.

“Won’t that just make it all the more fun when we’re back in our room?” Stacie whispered in her ear as they joined the back of the small line waiting to check in.

Beca drew a deep breath and tried to wrestle her hormones down long enough to deal with the desk staff. “You’re right. I’ll stop whining.”

She shuffled forward in line, Aubrey and Chloe talking about their previous Bella group as they waited, and reminded herself that she was about to see her self-made family. It had only been a few months since their return from overseas, but she missed them already. Spending time with them was never a bad thing, even if her mind was already trying to envision three beautiful women naked under her in bed.

In short order they’d checked in, gotten their keys and were headed up to their room. As Aubrey opened the door and led the way, Beca whistled as she wheeled in their luggage. “Okay. This is fancy.” She moved the suitcases against one of the walls and turned in a circle. They’d all vetoed the idea of separate rooms and had decided to get one of the Bay view suites. It had a separate bedroom with a king sized bed and a large living room area; they had paid for the room in advance when they’d booked it just after Christmas, thinking to entertain the Bellas over the weekend. The sofa bed would hopefully keep the rest of them from thinking too hard about why they’d gotten a single bed room.

Now, however, Amy had booked a presidential suite with the balcony, thanks to her newfound fortune, and likely would do a lot of the entertaining up there. At least until Bumper showed up the following day and Amy kicked them all out for a while. Amy had also generously paid to extend all their stays for an extra few days, giving them time to explore the city and hit the beaches.

“Just wait till you’re a big music star, B.” Stacie said as she brought over her suitcases. “You’ll be in those suites that have three bedrooms and a parlor or the presidential suite soon yourself.”

Beca frowned. “We don’t even know that the album I’m going to have to start thinking about will sell.” Aubrey snorted on her way to the bathroom. “We don’t.” Beca insisted then grinned. “But if I do, I guess I’ll just have to find excuses to bring you all with me, since we’ll have so many bedrooms and all.”

Chloe kissed her on the cheek and patted her on the ass. “You’ll be great.”

“Damn right she will.” Aubrey agreed as she walked out of the bathroom. “Okay, that shower stall is big enough for at least two.”

Stacie laughed. “Wait – is that why you wanted to get this room?”

Aubrey lifted one delicate brow. “You got a problem with that?”

“Not at all.” Stacie said as she walked over use the bathroom herself. “You know we’ve all got a shower fetish.”

“Now, at least.” Beca laughed. “And it’s entirely your fault, Bree.”

Aubrey shrugged. “You’re welcome.” She handed out room keys to the rest of them. “But we gotta go, unless anyone else has to use the facilities?” She looked at Beca with a knowing smirk. Beca stuck her tongue out as her bladder reminded her of its existence, slipping into the bathroom when Stacie came out. “I’ll text Cynthia Rose.” Chloe was next and then Aubrey was ushering them out the door.

“She said Concerto C, right?” Stacie asked as she hit the button for the elevator.

“Yes. Ballroom level.” Aubrey answered absently, looking into the mirror by the elevator and combing her fingers through the ends of her hair.

Beca watched her for a few seconds, realizing that Aubrey had done the same thing in the room. At the time, Beca hadn’t really been paying attention, since Aubrey had also tied her Bellas scarf in place around her neck. But looking at Aubrey now, alternating between fluffing at her hair and adjusting her scarf, Beca could clearly see the nerves. But before Beca could move, Stacie was there.

She put her hand on Aubrey’s forearm to still it. “You look beautiful, Bree.” Stacie gave one final adjustment to Aubrey’s scarf and linked their fingers together.

Aubrey smiled. “Thanks, love.” Her hands finally stilled under Stacie’s touch.

Beca smiled gently, watching how Aubrey immediately settled under Stacie’s touch; implicitly believing her over her own insecurities that Beca knew whispered in the back of her mind. Stacie was always so soft with Aubrey, so loving and gentle and the ‘forever love’ between them had always resonated deeply within Beca as it was the same as she shared with Chloe. It was real and deep and, though she’d never admit to having one, Beca’s insanely strong romantic side had always considered Staubrey’s slow burn love affair a beautiful, if sometimes heart wrenching, romance.

Now that love was shared between the four of them and Beca sometimes thought she’d burst from how happy they all made each other.

The four of them piled into the elevator and Beca pressed the button for the ballroom floor, feeling her own nerves start to rise. Beca forced herself to stop tapping her foot, afraid Aubrey would pick up on her tension and let it spin her back up.

Even though That Whore Alice™ hadn’t been at any of the reunions, Beca always became keyed up just before they walked in. This year was even worse, knowing more about how awful she’d been to both Aubrey and Chloe for three years. She knew Stacie had moved from being angry but amused and willing to let Beca fight for their girls honor to ‘I’m going to rip this bitch apart with my bare hands.’

As adamant about ripping into her as Beca was, she was equally sure that Aubrey wouldn’t want them to make a scene. That she would insist that they just put everything behind them even as she played with the scarf at her neck the entire time, screaming out her nerves for anyone who knew her body language as well as Stacie, Chloe and Beca did.

The door opened and Aubrey and Chloe stepped out first, Beca and Stacie like bookends on either side. Following the signs, they made their way around the corner and down to where most of the event rooms opened into a large foyer. Following the sounds of music – Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble” – and laughter to the third set of doors on the left, they walked into the room, Beca and Stacie still bracketing the other two.

Stopping just inside the doorway, they surveyed the room, looking for familiar faces. Cynthia Rose hadn’t told them where their table was, but even in a room filled with almost two hundred Bellas, they should be easy to find. Beca bopped her head, wondering who had control of the music as the song changed and began playing another Swift song, “Bad Blood”. Not that she minded Swift and this particular video always made her laugh because ‘The Trinity’ looked like Emily but usually DJ’s liked to switch up the artists to keep people from being bored. Maybe she should have taken them up on the offer to do the music this year.

“I see you two are still with the anti-Bella and the college tramp. I thought you slut bags were paired the other way. Or do you deviants just wife swap?”

The unpleasant voice broke into Beca’s musing and she looked in confusion at the woman who stood in front of them. She wore a condescending sneer, clearly amused with herself, and without even knowing who she was, Beca hated her on sight. Then she felt Aubrey stiffen beside her and the realization of who this was and what she had said washed over Beca like a wave of heat. She swore her vision tinted red as she went from casual to volcanic in the space of a heartbeat.

“Yes.”

Chloe’s voice knocked Beca – already thrown from suddenly being confronted with the woman she’d spent the past six years despising – further off balance. She turned her head and blinked at Chloe, who was standing contentedly on Aubrey’s other side. Peripherally she realized that they’d drawn a crowd that formed a half circle around them.

That Whore Alice™ paused, whatever sarcastic comment that she was about to say dying on her lips. “Excuse me?” The tone, however, that was still pure vile bitch and Beca felt her jaw clench again.

“Yes.” Chloe repeated patiently, as if to a small child. “To both. And it’s goooood.”

And, in front of every single Bella in attendance, as Taylor Swift sang the most fitting song for this long overdue confrontation, Chloe pulled Stacie down into a kiss that looked like it was guaranteed to pull the breath from her lungs and make her forget about anyone else around them.

Beca, torn between watching what was always one of the hottest things she’d ever seen and That Whore Alice’s™ reaction, gave a mental shrug. Chloe had put them on this path and Aubrey hadn’t run out of the room in panic or thrown up on anyone. Yet – though she did maybe look a little bit green. If there was ever going to be a moment to have that stress reaction come back, this was it. Since she hadn’t, Beca hoped Aubrey would be okay with what she was about to do.

She slipped her arms around Aubrey’s waist and prayed she’d follow Beca’s lead as she turned them both to dip Aubrey into the most dramatic, cliché movie moment kiss. Thankfully Aubrey relaxed enough to let her and Beca felt herself warmed by the trust in those green eyes. She smiled gently before looking up, her eyes hardening. “Jealous that she never let you kiss her when you tried, egg breath?”

That Whore Alice™, who had been watching Chloe and Stacie essentially going for the deep kiss world record, look over at Beca, her shocked expression switching back to anger. Beca gave her a small vicious grin before looking down at Aubrey, watching carefully for any sign of panic or disagreement. When she didn’t see either of those things, and in fact Aubrey was looking at her with a hint of dare in her eyes, Beca let herself close the distance between them and kissed Aubrey deeply and thoroughly.

Beca tried to channel all her anger into tenderness, wanting to make Aubrey feel safe and loved even in the midst of her literal nightmare come to life. Aubrey returned the kiss hesitantly at first then eagerly, her body relaxing further into Beca’s embrace as her right hand cupped Beca’s cheek. Eventually Beca heard Chloe came up for air and, reluctantly, lifted her head.

“That’s never not hot.” Stacie fanned herself, turning as Beca brought Aubrey up from their dip. Stacie reached across Chloe and briefly, gently, gripped Aubrey’s wrist. Right over the watch she’d given Aubrey for her birthday last year. The one that reminded Aubrey that Stacie was always with her and kept her centered.

Chloe’s face was flushed as she reached up and wiped off a smudge of her lipstick from Stacie’s face. “I’ll say. Makes me want to go back upstairs to our room.”

Beca snorted as she watched Aubrey carefully for signs of distress and found nothing but love. “You’re the one who told me that we had to close the place down because it’s ‘tradition.’” Beca strove to keep her voice light, all too aware of the ball of anger standing beside them.

Chloe shrugged. “I’m allowed to change my mind.” Beca noticed Chloe was also watching Aubrey carefully, though she didn’t think it was obvious to anyone but the three of them. Chloe ran her hand down Aubrey’s side where her tattoos lay hidden under her dress and Aubrey relaxed just a fraction more.

“Yeah, B.” Stacie winked at Beca. “Chloe’s definitely allowed to change her mind if it means we get to go back up and make use of that king sized bed.”

Beca, desperately trying to ignore the fact that they were now the central focus of the room, shrugged. “It’s not like I’m going to argue getting naked.”

Aubrey cleared her throat. “While that sounds like heaven, love, I think the rest of the gang would be disappointed if we didn’t stay.”

Beca linked her right hand with Aubrey’s left, deciding that ignoring the former Bella captain was the best course of action. She was afraid if she looked into that disapproving face again, she’d lose what little control she had over her anger. Aubrey’s hand in hers kept Beca grounded as much as she was trying to reassure Aubrey that she was loved.

As the four of them detoured around her, That Whore Alice™ turned in place and watched them go. Just when Beca thought they were in the clear, she spoke up behind them.

“They’ll end up leaving you too, Posen. Everyone does when they realize you’re just a one note show.” She scoffed and let out a bray of unattractive laughter. “I mean, if daddy doesn’t care, you can’t expect anyone else to.” She snorted and Beca thought she sounded like a bull. “And really, can you blame them? You’re such a disappointment.  Unable to hold a team together for one single year? I knew you’d screw it up.”

Beca felt her pulse pounding in her face as her blood pressure shot up. Someone to her right practically snarled and she couldn’t tell if it was Stacie or Chloe. Her left fist was already clenching as let go of Aubrey’s hand with her right and turned, taking a step forward. She was already picturing the connection of her fist to that bitch’s jaw despite the portion of her brain that was telling her Aubrey would not want her to cause a scene. But that part was steadily shrinking and gave up without a fight when she saw the cow standing there, one hand on her waist as the other waved up and down in Aubrey’s direction. Sneering at Aubrey like she was trash.

Beca was going to tear the fucking bitch’s head off.

There was a flash of red, the sound of air whistling around a fast moving object followed by a loud and meaty smack.

By the time Beca’s brain had parsed out what happened, That Whore Alice™ was flat on her back with a wrathful Chloe Beale standing over her, blue eyes flashing like the embodiment of Zeus’ own vengeful lightning.

Dimly Beca realized the song had changed to “Look What You Made Me Do.” It didn’t even start at the beginning – it jumped straight to the chorus a minute in.

Ooh, look what you made me do Look what you made me do Look what you just made me do

‘That DJ is on their game,’ she thought idly, jarred right out of her anger for several incredible surreal moments.

Dazed, the prone woman put one hand to her already swelling eye and started to push to her feet but stopped with a flinch when Chloe pointed at her. Aubrey stepped forward and put a restraining hand on Chloe’s shoulder but the redhead merely patted it without turning around.

“You just stay down there on the ground where you belong.” Chloe’s voice was quiet and all the more deadly for it. “You have always been a bitch and I see nothing has changed since you graduated. You are a horrible, spiteful and jealous person who takes their own insecurities out on others and I’m not going to stand for it anymore.” Chloe looked up at the crowd, most of which took a step back, to Beca’s amusement. “Your minions aren’t here and even if they were, I’d still try and take you apart before I let you say anything else mean about Aubrey.”

“Chlo,” Aubrey slid her hand to Chloe’s back. “You don’t have to…” She trailed off Stacie stepped over and put her arm around Aubrey’s waist. Beca took her hand again, feeling the slight tremor in Aubrey’s fingers before they tightened on Beca’s own. She raised their hands and pressed her lips to Aubrey’s knuckles.

Chloe didn’t even slow down. “You’re trash, Alice. You were a slut in college so you called everyone else a slut bag to make yourself feel better. You apparently also had repressed lesbian tendencies as you tried to kiss Aubrey your senior year. Fortunately Aubrey has better taste.” Chloe paused to smirk and even in her anger, Beca wanted to laugh because she knew Chloe was remembering her first taste of Aubrey. “Beca may have been the ‘anti-Bella’ at the start, but she’s the one who helped us win finals. Her arrangement is the one that helped us win Worlds.”

Chloe paused to take a deep breath and Beca wasn’t ashamed to admit she was in awe of her normally laidback wife. Though, really, she shouldn’t be surprised as Chloe had always been fierce in her defense of her loved ones.  

“And Stacie was never the college tramp, you sad little hag.” Chloe spit out contemptuously. “Just because you had to sleep around to get anyone to spend time with you doesn’t mean everyone has that problem. Stacie has more class in her pinky than you will ever have in your entire. Worthless. Body.”

Beca looked over at Aubrey and could see she was warring with an almost giddy delight at watching Chloe take their tormenter apart and a rising worry about the repercussions of the past few minutes. Stacie, her arm firmly around Aubrey, merely grinned with glee. Beca could relate – while she desperately had wanted to be the one to take her out, she’d have been willing to let Stacie do the honors; after all, it sounded like Aubrey had taken the brunt of things. Neither of them had even suspected that Chloe would literally beat them to the punch.

Beca couldn’t lie. It was hot.

That Whore Alice™ finally pushed herself to her feet, her left eye almost all the way shut now. “My lawyer liked that.”

Aubrey let out a startled laugh. “Did you actually just quote ‘Scream 3’ at us?” She laughed again when Alice flinched. “You would be the person who would memorize a line like that to try and sound cool.” Aubrey shook her head, already digging into her purse and pulled out one of her business cards. “Call my office, they’ll arrange a meeting.” She tossed the card and it bounced off That Whore Alice’s™ chest and Beca stifled a laugh as she jerked in reaction. Aubrey closed her purse and looked back at her, disdain practically dripping from her words.

Beca was thrilled to see Aubrey’s paralysis break as the confident and strong women Beca had always known came forward; to watch as  Aubrey finally reclaimed - for good - those small pieces of herself that Alice had shaved off with every horrible word spoken over three years.

“As Chloe’s lawyer, I advise you both to stay away from each other the rest of the night.” Aubrey took a step forward though not enough to bring her out of Stacie’s grip. “And as their lover,” her wave encompassed the three women around her and Beca heard the love and pride in her voice. “I’m telling you that you better not come near us or I’ll let them do what they’ve been dreaming of doing since they found out all the shit you put us through during college.”

Stacie eyed That Whore Alice™ as if she were a particularly disgusting bug. “You ever come near any of my girls again, I will end you.” Her voice was knife sharp and Beca felt the steel in it. She took a step past Aubrey and smiled with satisfaction when That Whore Alice™ took a matching step back. “They will never find your fucking body.” It was said with such finality that even Beca was impressed, a little nervous and lot turned on.

Beca shook herself and forced the weight off her shoulders. “C’mon, let’s go find the girls. She’s not worth a single second more of our time.” She felt lighter having said it and even more as the truth of it settled and she let go of her rage. “She’s just a small person who needs to make others suffer so she can get off on it.” Beca eyed her disdainfully. “You’re less than nothing.”

Already dismissing Alice from her thoughts, Beca turned to the rest of them. “I need a drink. I’ve got a really bad taste in my mouth.” She knew she’d said the wrong thing before she’d finished speaking and could only watch as the sly smirk spread across Stacie’s face.

“We’ll take care of that later, Baby. Don’t you worry.” She urged Aubrey forward with the arm around her waist and collected Chloe with her right. “But we can definitely drink first.”

“Dirty bird.” Aubrey said casually as they moved into the space left by the crowd that parted like water, tugging Beca with them by their linked hands.

“That’s why we love her.” Chloe agreed as the music changed again.

“Seriously, when the fuck did our life become scored by Taylor Swift,” Beca said, exasperated as “Shake It Off” started playing. She looked around and began to laugh as she saw Cynthia Rose step away from the DJ platform to their left. “Oh for fucks sake. Of course it’s one of ours.”

Familiar faces appeared in the crowd as one by one the rest of their Bellas surrounded them.

“Our table is over here, slugger.” Ashley half bowed and pointed the way. “Jessica went to get some ice.”

Beca let go of Aubrey’s hand as they reached the table and pulled out a chair. “Madam.” She grinned when Aubrey rolled her eyes and sat. Stacie had done the same for Chloe and when she would’ve sat on Chloe’s right, Beca pulled on her arm. She knew Stacie still needed to be near Aubrey, still able to feel the waves of emotion rolling off her usually reserved friend. Stacie smiled gratefully at her and took the seat Beca held out. Patting her shoulder, Beca moved over to the seat on Chloe’s right.

“I’m sorry I…” Chloe began but Beca shook her head. She knew Chloe didn’t need to apologize for bringing their relationship to the open; she could tell by the utter lack of tension in Aubrey and Stacie that they weren’t remotely mad either.

“No need, Chlo.” Aubrey put her hand on Chloe’s arm.

“None.” Stacie rested her hand next to Aubrey’s and they both smiled. Beca heard Chloe’s breath hitched once and knew she needed to provide a distraction before Chloe started them all down the path to waterworks.

“Let me look.” Beca gently took Chloe’s hand in her own and inspected it carefully. “Can you move it?” Chloe wiggled her fingers and Beca let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I almost broke mine when I punched that guy at regionals.”

“Aubrey was totally turned on by that, by the way.” Chloe said casually as the rest of the girls took seats around them.

“What?” Beca looked up with a laugh. “I was sure you were going to kick me out of the group.”

“Totes. At one point I thought she was going to start yelling things like a coach from the sidelines.” Chloe grinned at her best friend.

Aubrey shrugged and leaned on the table. “Looking back at it… yeah, it was hot. My brothers still ask me to tell them the story at least once a year.”

Beca rolled her eyes. “You should never have told them that at Thanksgiving. They still call me Rocky.” She looked up as Jessica brought over a baggie of ice wrapped in a towel. “Thanks, Jess.” She took it gratefully and placed it over Chloe’s knuckles who winced. “Sorry. But this will keep the swelling down.”

She was completely aware that they were the center of attention and was trying to avoid dealing with the events of the past ten minutes. Focusing on Chloe’s hand gave her some breathing room to sort out what she was feeling.

There was worry – maybe a lot of worry – because she knew what they had would never be considered normal. Most people couldn’t or wouldn’t understand it. And the women sitting at this table were her family and she was afraid they would turn their backs once they knew it hadn’t just been said for Alice’s benefit.

There was some relief at finally having it in the open – keeping secrets from their friends had never sat well with her, no matter the fact that she had agreed with the others to keep it just theirs for the time being. That had been especially true of the last few months. It had grown more difficult to remember not to run her hand through Aubrey’s hair or lay on Stacie’s back when Jessley was over.

Part of that difficulty was that they’d essentially lived together since they got back, migrating from one house to the other in a group 90% of the time. But most of it was the fact that they were still skittish after the events in France. Their reassuring touches and kisses had remained constant and maybe even more frequent after Chloe and Beca had got the second half of their ‘gay wedding vows’ as Beca called it, mostly to keep from crying whenever she thought of their matching tattoos.

One way or another, they wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. Either they would be accepted or… they’d be left alone. Beca tried not to think about the pain that would cause her and took a deep breath.

‘Time to face the music.’

But when she looked up, half braced for disgust, she found nothing but love and acceptance. Emily was practically vibrating in her seat next to Beca, her grin so wide Beca was surprised it didn’t hurt.

What she didn’t see was surprise.

“Holy shit.” Beca stared around the table, seeing Aubrey’s head turn sharply toward her. “You guys already knew, didn’t you?”

There was a pause that felt like an eternity before Amy spoke into the silence. “It’s not like you guys were really subtle about it on the tour.”

“Or since we moved into our house,” Ashley added. “I think the number of times you guys have kissed thinking we weren’t in sight is up in the double digits.”

“Triple,” Jessica said with a grin. “It’s cute as hell to watch you guys catch your breath and try to not look all mussed up.”

Beca groaned and lowered her burning face to the table. “I may need your ice, Chlo.”

“I can’t believe you guys didn’t say anything,” Chloe murmured as she reached over to stroke Beca’s hair with her left hand.

“Wasn’t our story to tell.” Jessica offered. “Isn’t that what you always say?”

“Though, if we’re being honest,” Cynthia Rose said. “We may have started a betting pool two years ago. After the first all group Disney trip.”

“What are you talking about?” Beca rolled her head to look at her. “That was right after we all got married. We didn’t even know then.”

“Yeah, but…” She trailed off, taking out her phone as she thought. “The way you guys interact – honestly since you guys moved – was like four interconnected pieces. You weren’t just anticipating Chloe’s needs, but Aubrey’s and Stacie’s too. All of you were, really, but it stood out with Beca because she’d only done that before with Chlo.”

“You were like that in our first trip.” Emily offered almost hesitantly. “If I didn’t know you guys, I’d have had a hard time telling who was actually dating who.”

Aubrey finally spoke up. “And you aren’t…”

“Aubrey Posen-Conrad, you better not be about to say ‘disgusted.’” Flo sat up straight in her chair. “You know us better than that. You’re family and the four of you have created something amazing and there is no shame in love.”

“It’s beautiful.”

They all looked in surprise at Lilly – though Beca supposed it was ‘Esther’ today, since they could hear her so clearly. Beca wasn’t sure yet about this whole ‘Lilly was Satan’ thing, or the fact that she seemed to move easily between the girl they’d known for the last seven years and this new persona three months ago. She decided her prior decision was best – react based on who she seemed to be on a given day and, at the worst, apparently Satan was on their side as he had helped them win the ICCA’s and Worlds. Beca barely avoided the trap she’d gotten stuck in last time, which was wondering if a capella was the devil’s music after all. That spiral had lasted a weekend until the other three had pulled her out of it with enforced naked cuddling.

“You guys mean that. You… really don’t care?” Stacie said slowly.

“Just because it’s not everyone’s normal doesn’t mean that yours is wrong.” Emily shrugged. “My mom says the world would be a happier place if people would stop worrying about whoever everyone else was fucking and have more sex of their own.”

The laugh that left Beca was loud, ragged and more than half a sob. “You can’t swear, Legacy, it’s too ado-.” She broke off and blinked rapidly as her words finally sunk in. “You told your MOM?!”

“It was an accident!” Emily grabbed Beca’s hand. “The day I played my song for you guys over Skype, Aubrey almost kissed you and I ran into my doorframe when I figured it out.”

Stacie gave a delighted laugh. “I told you. Totally should’ve bet.”

“I ended up with a small black eye and mom wanted to know why.” Emily squirmed in her chair. “I’m still a terrible liar…”

“We know.” Amy snorted then laughed when Emily flipped her off. “You’re getting more and more Beca-like after every visit, Legacy.”

“…and I told her what I thought I saw.” Emily grinned at Amy then looked back at the four of them. “I’m really sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, but… She wasn’t surprised either. Not after last year’s reunion.” She looked at Stacie and grinned. “You put your boobs on Beca’s head and she didn’t try to kill you.”

“Still before we’d figured it out ourselves.” Beca shook her head. “Seriously, why am I always the last to know these things?”  She sat back in her chair and put her hand on Chloe’s thigh, needing the contact to stay grounded as her emotions swirled chaotically through her.

She was surprised she didn’t have whiplash from the violent swing from protective rage through fear of losing their friends to the current feeling of giddy joy and relief making her heart swell with extremely schmoopy happiness.

She looked over at Chloe but was instead greeted by all three of her girls watching her affectionately. Her heart skipped a beat and, without thinking, she spoke. “I love you.”

‘I am so fucking mushy.’ Beca thought to herself.

“We love you too, sweet cheeks.”

Beca flushed at Ashley’s sly tone. “Oh my god. You guys have been saving up all your teasing, haven’t you?”

Cynthia Rose nodded. “You have no idea.”

“But you wiiillll,” Jessica said, practically singing it.

Beca heaved out a sigh and her three girls reacted as expected. Stacie winked at her, Aubrey’s lips twitched into a grin and Chloe leaned over to kiss her cheek. All three of them spoke in unison.

“You love us.”

Beca laughed again, this one free of tears. “Holy shit do I need a drink.”

“Ooh, I’ll go get a bottle of something.” Amy pushed up from her seat and was gone before Beca could stop her.

“One of us will hold your hair.” Chloe promised as she flexed her hand slowly under the ice pack. “We promise.

‘I am so fucking lucky to have all of these women in my life.’

~A~

Aubrey sat back, Stacie’s hand a warm presence on her back, and took stock of how she was feeling.

Lighter, was the biggest answer.

She hadn’t even been aware of how much Alice’s treatment of her had weighed in her mind until it was suddenly gone. It wasn’t even like she thought of Alice outside of any discussions with the other three or for the two or three weeks before one of the reunions.

But apparently that nagging voice had drilled its way into her brain where it lodged and poisoned her self-image from the inside out. Chloe had knocked some of it loose their senior year. Stacie had dulled more of it when Aubrey stopped running from her feelings. The three of them together had made the biggest difference. All those talks they had before, during and after sex had gone a long way to soothing the anxieties that had lingered.

But today, finally being face to face with her former captain had brought it all back in one sickening heartbeat.

At first she’d braced for Beca to immediately launch herself like a tiny rage missile; waited for that amazing left hook to make a repeat appearance. Or for Stacie to pull her apart piece by piece.

She’d begun the process to prepare herself to shield them from Alice. She was their Captain and it was her job to take the brunt of anything that came their way and protect all her Bellas.

Until her girls had physically and verbally formed a wall to protect her.

She’d certainly never expected Chloe pull Stacie into a kiss so deep that Aubrey knew Stacie’s toes had curled. The shock of it made it easy to give in to Beca’s silent plea and allow herself to be dipped and kissed in front of the entire reunion. Kissing Beca was as natural as breathing, at this point, and it was easy to lose herself in it for a precious few moments. She wasn’t ashamed of them or what they had and anyone who tried to sling insults would have to go through her first.

The fact that each of them reminded her that she wasn’t alone, each In their different way, had almost cracked her façade and moved her to tears.

She definitely couldn’t have predicted Chloe would also be the one to put Alice on the floor and give her a black eye.

Aubrey wasn’t even ashamed to admit – now that she’d had time to collect her thoughts – that it had been just as hot as when Beca had done it all those years ago. Chloe had certainly been right about that, though it wasn’t something they’d ever discussed or that Aubrey had even realized consciously until this past year. She’d spent a lot of time remembering different moments her senior year in a new light. Some she shared with the others, some she kept back until the right moment. Like Beca punching that Tonehanger.

They had always gone out of their way to show her she was special to them – something that had only increased when they’d merged their lives together as one. But today they’d showed it to the world and Aubrey felt the warmth of it surround her in a coat of armor that Alice couldn’t even dream to scratch.

Chloe’s punch was nothing to the verbal assault she then unleashed. Every single word uttered in complete and calm disdain, reducing Alice from the towering figure in their memories to a sad, pathetic creature clutching her swollen eye as they walked away.

And Beca – the onetime pain in her ass – had been her center and held her hand the entire time; lending her strength and unending faith in Aubrey. Keeping her grounded when she’d started to spiral at the talk of lawyers before she’d been able to get a grip on her fear. Aubrey knew she’d talk circles around Alice’s lawyer before offering an out of court settlement that would satisfy even that greedy bitch.

Stacie’s quiet promise of what would happen if Alice opened her mouth again had melted Aubrey’s heart into a puddle, a response she wasn’t sure was appropriate when one’s spouse threatened to kill someone. Especially when you knew they would follow through on it without hesitation.

And, in typical fashion, they covered their deep running emotions with sex banter until they reached the dubious safety of their table. Banter that Aubrey couldn’t wait to bring to life when they were safely back in their room alone. And naked.

Aubrey almost cracked then, at the acceptance from these women who had become her family in a way that Alice’s group had never been. It didn’t surprise her that they knew; they’d been getting the eye from Emily for a while now and she was almost certain that Jessica had walked into the kitchen once while Chloe had Aubrey pinned against the counter – and then just as quickly walked out - but by the time they looked up at what Aubrey had thought sounded like a tiny ‘Eep!’ they were alone again.

She turned to her right and watched Chloe’s familiar profile as her best friend laughed at something Emily was saying. After a brief hesitation, realizing that it couldn’t really get any worse, she leaned forward to rest her chin on Chloe’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Chloe turned her head until their noses brushed. “For what?”

“Standing up to her for me.” Aubrey shifted her head slightly, making Chloe’s nose scrunch at the slight tickle.

“How do you know I didn’t do it for me?” Chloe’s eyes were so blue this close and Aubrey never got tired of finding how the light revealed something new every time it shifted.

“Because, like you – like our girls – I’ll let people say whatever they want about me, just let it roll off my back.” Aubrey tilted her head further, Chloe’s breath whispering over her lips. “Say one thing about any of you, and I will end them.” She brought their lips together in a gentle kiss that Aubrey felt from head to toe. “And I love you so very much for it.”

“You’ve always been part of me. I won’t let anyone hurt what’s mine.” The voice was soft, the tone gentle, but the possessive fire underneath it sent a pleasant shiver down Aubrey’s back. Chloe tipped their lips together once more. “Ever.”

Aubrey forced herself to sit back, otherwise she wasn’t sure if she could keep their kisses soft and gentle. A motion caught her eye and she looked past Chloe and Beca to find Emily wiping away tears that were streaming down her face.

“Sorry, I just… This is like finding out Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are real.” She took the tissue that Aubrey dug out of her purse and blew her nose. “It’s dumb, I know, but seeing how much you love each other just… Oh it’s beautiful, Aubrey.”

Aubrey felt herself blush. “Thank you. For not… rejecting us.” It wasn’t quite what she wanted to say, but it was close enough for now. “You mean a great deal to all of us and I would have been crushed if this made you change your mind about moving in in a few months.”

“What!?” Emily’s voice briefly covered everyone else’s as they all stopped to look at her. “Um. Sorry. Ignore me. Please?” The conversations at the table slowly picked back up though Aubrey could tell they were all half keeping an ear out to see what had caused the outburst.

Her face red, Emily shook her head. “Are you kidding? Nothing could make me change my mind about that. It’s what I’m looking forward to the most now that I’ve graduated. I mean, I’ll go see my parents for a month, Benji till however long before he has to start rehearsing for his new play – but I’m totally stoked about coming to live with you!”

“Nobody says ‘stoked’, Legacy.” Beca said it almost absently, as if she wasn’t really paying attention. “Stop trying to copy me.”

“If no one says it, how can I be copying you?” Emily bumped their shoulders together. “Just wait, soon you’ll have me around to keep you in line all the time.”

Beca let out an exaggerated groan. “Why did I agree to this?”

“Because you want me to write all your songs for your new album.” Emily answered immediately. “And because you loooooove me.”

“More the first than the latter,” Beca said before Chloe poked her in the side. “Alright alright. Yeah. I do.”

“And we may have filmed that.” Jessica was telling Stacie, pulling Aubrey and Beca’s attention immediately.

“You what?” Beca asked, her eyebrows high.

“Recorded your rumble.” Cynthia Rose repeated. “We heard someone say her name and, when she was a raging bitch, we realized it had to be the same person. That’s I came up with the idea to play TSwift when you came in.”

“Thanks for that.” Chloe grinned. “It was definitely interesting.”

“Or insane,” Beca muttered. “But continue – I didn’t see any of you until after it was all over.”

“Hold on, there was a whole process.” Emily bounced in her chair and Aubrey smiled in response to her excitement. “CR was in charge of the music and Jessica, Ashley and Lilly were the designated camerawomen.”  

“Why those three?” Stacie asked, sliding her hand over to play with Aubrey’s fingers.

“Because no one ever notices us,” Ashley said with a smile. “We’ve literally been here the whole time.”

Aubrey laughed easily, another hurtful moment of their past having been changed to new memories made with joy instead of anger. “Guess you guys got more than you bargained for, huh?”

“I’ll say.” Jessica leaned forward in her chair. “I got a perfect shot of Alice’s face when Chloe punched her. Lilly said she’d edit all three videos together to make one amazing montage.”

“Thanks… Lilly.” Beca said with only the smallest of hesitations. They were still trying to decide how to refer to her, most of them still using Lilly by default. She didn’t seem to mind, thankfully, as seven years was a tough habit to break. They were working on it, but sometimes Lilly seemed to regress back to her silent, slightly terrifying ways and Aubrey often wondered if the rest of them had suffered a group hallucination brought on by the explosion.

“You’re welcome, Beca.” Lilly said happily. “I’ll have Jessley send their videos to me before we leave so I can work on it when I get home.”

“Aca-awesome!” Chloe said enthusiastically. “It kind of all passed in a blur and I don’t remember half of what I said.”

“By the power of your words, you gutted and field dressed her like a deer and it was kind of hot.” Aubrey said without thinking. She blinked when she became aware of the entire table watching her. “Too much too soon?”

“No – it was more the image of a deer juxtaposed with the four of you in The Expanse that I’m having problems with.” Jessica said, fanning herself. “It just took me a minute to get rid of the deer. I’m good now.” She wiggled her eyebrows when Beca just stared at her.

“Holy crap.” Beca shook her head. “What have we created?”

“A safe space to bring out all our secret fantasies.” Cynthia Rose said then raised both her hands. “Just kidding. Maybe.” She winked and clicked her tongue.

Beca groaned again. “You guys are going to be the death of me.”

Emily stroked her hand down Beca’s hair and Aubrey choked back her giggle. “It’s ok, Aca-Mom. I’ll take care of you.” She beamed when Beca flipped her off. “See, you’re doing better already!”

“Seriously, Amy better come back with a bucket full of beers and not just the tequila she’s going to try and make me drink. I need at least five beers before that happens.” Beca started looking around the room. “Is there a waitress or just the bar on the far side?”

Letting the presence of her three soothe her ragged edges, Aubrey took a cleansing breath, willing the last of her tension out of her body. She turned to ask Chloe how her hand was and saw Beca’s face go slack in shock. Before she could turn around, someone spoke behind her.

“Aubrey.”

Aubrey froze, suddenly lightheaded as all the blood drained from her face. As if trapped in a nightmare, she turned slowly in her seat, her eyes reluctantly lifting to meet green eyes the exact shade of her own. From far away she heard herself answer.

“Mother?”

[theeeveetamer]

👀 really up for any sort of soft and romantic. They’re the cutest! (Previous anon)

Hey! Sorry I’ve been sitting on this for awhile! This is doubling as my Valentine’s Day fic for the year BTW (even though it’s not about Valentine’s day)

Tags: Fluff, Pure Unadulterated Fluff, Some Family Fluff Too, Omegaverse, Omega!Takumi, Alpha!Leo

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17666066

He’d been prepping for this day all week; He was going to cook the kids’ favorite meal, get them all dressed up, and they were going to have a nice family dinner. Now that he thought about it, why did they never do this when Leo was in town?

And why the hell hadn’t he done laundry?! He only had about five decent looking shirts left because he’d been waiting to do the washing until after Leo got home so he could just do it all at once. He grabbed the nicest looking one and threw it on, then went back to rapidly attempting to towel dry his hair to an acceptable state.

“Papa, what do you think about this one?”

Forrest came into the room, already dressed up in his prettiest purple dress, complete with earrings, bracelets, amd just a hint of makeup. Wow, when he told the kid to dress nice he really went the extra mile. Forrest had even curled his hair to perfection. He was so thankful that Camilla had taken some time to help him learn how to do all of that stuff, since he and his mate were so useless when it came to that. When he’d been handed a little boy in the delivery room he’d never thought that one day he’d have to buy his thirteen year old dresses and makeup, but life was funny like that sometimes.

“You look great, baby.” He paused in agonizing over finding the right ribbon for his hair. “Is your brother home yet?”

“Not yet.”

He let out an exasperated sigh. “He better be back soon!”

That boy… He always stayed out too late. Takumi swore if he had to march down to the park and drag him back for dinner one more time. Tonight was special, damn it, he didn’t care how much he embarrassed Kiragi in front of his friends. He didn’t have time to go grab him though, the house still needed some cleaning and he still had to make the whole dinner.

Takumi passed the vacuum off to Forrest while he started prepping the food, and he was almost done cooking by the time their youngest got back. Takumi didn’t even look up from his stew when the front door opened.

“Papa! I’m home!”

“Perfect! You’re just--” He stopped cold when he saw his eleven year old son standing in the entryway, coated head to toe in mud.

“What happened to you?!”

The little blonde boy grinned. “We had a mud fight! It uh… It got a little out of hand.”

“Kiragi! You know what tonight is! Go shower and get changed, I’ll not have your father sit down to dinner when you look like a pig wallowing in mud!”

“Yes papa!” He scrambled off to the bathroom.

“Forrest can you go pick out an outfit for him? You know how awful he is at it.”

“Of course!” He set down the dinner plates and ran over to his brother’s room. Normally he wouldn’t care about what Kiragi wore -- and thank gods he didn’t. Takumi had never had the best fashion sense himself, but his youngest was still a child, and he tended not to care about what he wore. This usually worked out, like when he decided to get into mud fights right before the special dinner he’d been planning all damn week.

Well now he would just have to set the table and finish cooking dinner. He checked the time: almost five thirty. Leo was going to be calling around then. He set out the serving platters and finished setting the table just in time for his tablet to get a call.

“Forrest! Kiragi! Get down here, it’s time to eat!”

Both children came running as soon as he called. Kiragi’s messy blonde hair was still wet and dripping from the shower, and his shirt was getting a little damp in the back but otherwise he looked presentable. Takumi tapped the little green ‘accept call’ button and set the device up on its stand at the end of the table. He checked the little camera in the corner as the call connected to ensure that everything could be seen perfectly, then he ran back to his place at the table and sat down.

The face of his mate appeared on screen. He looked tired and slightly annoyed, but he was there. He seemed to be distracted by something just off to the side, but his attention snapped back when he heard a small chorus of “Dad!” coming from the other side of the screen. The slightly aggravated expression melted off of his face when he caught sight of them.

“Hey guys, how have you been?”

Both of them started talking at the same time, each of them so eager to share the details of their day that they ended up talking over each other and making it completely incomprehensible.

“Hey, hey, one at a time!” He scolded gently. “And start eating, I didn’t make this food just so it could go cold!”

They both went silent and started dishing out food from the center of the table.

“And what about you, love? Have you been holding down the fort well?”

“As well as can be expected.”

Leo chuckled. “Well, don’t worry. I’ll be home by this time next week.”

“Gods, I hope so.” He sighed. It was always difficult whenever Leo went away. His trip was only supposed to be two weeks, but he was already missing him like crazy. But now wasn’t the time, so he tried to keep the mood light. “What did you order?”

“Steak? I hope it’s good, though I’m sure it can’t compare to your cooking.”

“Expensive tastes, huh?”

“Hey, if they’re going to drag me away from my lovely mate and two beautiful children for two weeks, then you can bet that I’m going to spend every cent of my company allowance.”

They finished serving and everyone began tucking into their dinner. Well, for Leo it was more of a late lunch, but either way.

“Alright guys, one at a time this time. How have you been?”

Forrest and Kiragi — finally — just took turns chatting about their days. Auntie Elise took Forrest to the mall and got him some new school clothes. Kiragi regaled them all with the epic tale of his mud fight, and despite how upset he’d initially been he had to admit that it was a pretty funny story.

They spent a good thirty minutes to chat and eat together. Then, Leo checked his watch.

“Hey, I have to go now. There’s a meeting in ten.”

“I thought you were supposed to have Saturdays free there?”

The Alpha rolled his eyes. “Tell me about it. It’s informally mandatory. I gotta go okay? I’ll call you later. Love you.”

He grinned as three voices echoed the sentiment back. Then, the screen went dark. With dinner finished the two kids scampered off, and he started collecting up dishes.

The rest of the night was fairly monotonous. He finished the dishes and sat down with the kids to watch their evening shows together. He offered to teach Forrest how to do a fishtail braid, which was about the only unique thing he knew how to do with hair, while Kiragi ran around yelling about whatever cartoon was playing.

It was only after they were both tucked safely in bed and he was heading that way himself when his tablet screen lit up again. He dropped his comb on the dresser and sat down on the bed with the device, feet tucked neatly underneath him. His mate’s face popped up on the screen again, though this time he was all smiles. Or, well, as close to smiling as Leo got. More of a restrained grin, really.

“Oh good, I was hoping to catch you before you put your hair up for bed.”

“Weirdo. Was it a good meeting? You’ve got that stupid look on your face.”

“Just some company drivel. What, I can’t be smiling because I get to see my lovely mate before bed?”

“Now you’re just trying to make me blush.”

It was working, too.

“Guilty as charged. Seriously though, how have you been?”

“Honestly? You’ve only been gone for a week and I feel like a fucking wreck.”

It was getting harder and harder to sleep the whole night through when his mate wasn’t around. They were only a week in and already he was spending more time tossing and turning that he was actually sleeping.

He grabbed a few hair ties and started absentmindedly braiding his thick silver hair.

“Plus you’re going to miss our anniversary.”

He didn’t usually take too much stock in those kinds of things but it was a big deal this year! They’d been together for twenty years! And Leo’s stupid job was forcing him to fly hours away to do a stupid work training across the country, so he wouldn’t be home.

“I know, I know. But I’ll be home soon. Besides, we don’t need to celebrate on the exact date.”

“Clearly you don’t understand what the term anniversary means, Leo. It means exactly one year from the date.”

“Alright, don’t lecture me love. I know, I’m disappointed too.”

“Sorry, I’m just looking for an excuse not to go to bed.” He wasn’t exactly looking forward to another sleepless night by himself.

“Would it help you fall asleep if I stayed on the line?”

“Don’t you have to sleep?”

“Relax, there’s like a three hour time difference.”

He plugged the dying tablet in and got under the covers. It was still late summer,  but he couldn’t sleep unless he pulled the blankets all the way up to his chin… Something Leo would be complaining about endlessly were he here.

Gods he wished he was here.

He flicked off the lamp and shut his eyes.

“Alright then, as long as it's not too much of an inconvenience.”

“You’re never an inconvenience, love.”

He yawned. “Go ahead. Talk about whatever you want to talk about.”

He struggled to stay awake, but Leo barely made it halfway through an explanation of the book he’d read on the plane before he was out cold.

_________

He woke up the next morning to a dark screen and a cold bed. He wasn’t feeling totally refreshed, but it was the best night of sleep he’d gotten all week. Seeing Leo’s face and falling asleep to his voice somehow managed to make him feel even lonelier than before. He grabbed one of Leo’s shirts out of his dresser drawer and headed off to the shower.

When he was done he pulled his pajama pants back on. Then the black button up went on and he buried his nose in the collar. His mate’s scent was stale and faint, but it was still there. He let that comfort him through his morning routine.

It was still early in the morning, and the kids would be in bed for awhile. He really just wanted to curl back up in bed with a good book, but he should probably start on breakfast before Kiragi and Forrest woke up and threw his life into chaos.

A few pots and pans clanged around as he went through the drawers looking for what he needed. Maybe he’d do scrambled eggs? But they had a lot of veggies and cheese that were going to go bad soon, maybe he could do omelettes? But that was so much work…

As he straightened up, pan in hand, something grabbed him around the waist. He yelled and whipped around, cookware primed and ready to hit whoever this was upside the head. He didn’t even look, he just swung.

A hand grabbed his wrist before he could make contact, so he started kicking, eyes wild like a cornered animal.

“Woah, woah! Calm down love! It’s just me.”

“L-Leo?” He immediately recognized his mate’s stunning red eyes, and the pan clattered to the floor.

Takumi shoved him in the chest; The blonde stumbled back a few steps.

“You complete asshole! I thought you weren’t coming back until next week!”

“Yes well… At that informally mandatory meeting they notified us that the leader of our workshop got food poisoning, so we were rescheduling for another time. I took the first flight home.”

“You mean you knew about this when you called me back last night and you didn’t think to tell me?!”

“I wanted it to be a surprise!”

“Well congratulations! You gave your mate a heart attack!”

He closed the distance and hugged Leo anyways. He buried his nose in his soft shirt and drank in his warm, comforting scent.

“I hate it when you leave me.”

He wrapped one arm around his waist and placed the other on the back of his head to draw him close. His Alpha started gently stroking his hair.

“Shh, I know love.”

He balled his hands up in the back of his shirt and nuzzled his mate’s chest. He wanted to bathe in that scent. He wanted to live in that moment forever.

Unfortunately, all good things came to an end. Their little moment was interrupted by the piping voice of their youngest son.

“Dad!”

They broke apart to look at their new arrival. Kiragi was standing at the other end of the hall, baseball bat in hand. His brother was trailing a few feet behind him. When they saw Leo both of their faces lit up, and they ran over to join in on the hug.

“What are you doing with that bat, kiddo?”

“We heard Papa scream, so I was gonna scare the bad guys off!”

He swore, if his youngest son wasn’t an Alpha he would eat his own foot.

“Well, I’ve already called Auntie Camilla to come pick you up, so go get dressed okay?”

They both nodded and ran off back to their rooms.

“Geez, did everyone know about you coming home early but me?”

“I wanted to make today special. So…” His mate took him by the hands and pulled him out of the kitchen. On the living room coffee table was a beautiful bouquet of lilies and snapdragons already set up in a fine china vase. It was just like his mate to think of everything. Where did he even get a bouquet on such short notice?

“You’re such a damn perfectionist.”

“Only the best for my lovely mate.”

“Gods I haven’t even gotten you a present… I’m not even properly dressed!”

“Don’t worry about it, we have all day. And…” He leaned in close, sly smirk on his face. “I asked if Camilla could keep them for the night, too.”

He pushed himself up onto the tips of his toes to kiss Leo.

“Gods it’s good to have you home.”

His mate gave him a toothy grin, right thumb brushing gently over the bond scar on his neck. He shivered under the blonde’s touch.

“Happy anniversary, Takumi.”

[ellenembee]

The Revelation of All Things - 49. In which reality rears its ugly head

Read the full fic on AO3.

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Evana paused outside the massive wooden door to the war room and placed cool hands on her still heated cheeks. She'd calmed her breathless, heart-pounding physical reaction on the short walk between Cullen's tower and the war room, but she had yet to collect her disordered thoughts.

After weeks of doubt and worry, she'd wanted to make the evening lighthearted and pleasant for them both. She'd assumed he'd be embarrassed but pleased by her playful teasing. She'd planned to keep their encounter chaste out of respect for his desire to go slow.

But he hadn't been embarrassed. He'd teased right back, and she'd been the one to blush at his forwardness: Lock the doors, Inquisitor, for I will have you to myself tonight. A delicious shiver slid down her spine as she recalled the tenor of his voice, feel of his hands on her, the demands of his ravenous mouth. He'd responded to her teasing with ardent insistence, and she found herself wondering how far things might have progressed if they hadn't been interrupted.

Which only set her heart to pounding all over again, her cheeks warming from the delicious thought. She summoned a cooling spell before throwing back her shoulders and taking a deep breath in an attempt to clear her mind and focus. Raising her chin slightly, she reminded herself that she had a war to win and pushed the door open.

Josephine and Leliana were already gathered around the table. She'd only had a moment to greet them before Cullen's heavy footsteps echoed along the passage. Leliana didn't bother to wait for him to finish crossing to the table before she started in.

"I'm sorry to disturb you both after our meeting only hours ago, but I've just received word from my scouts in the Western Approach. They've seen signs of powerful magic at Adamant. It seems the Venatori have officially begun the process of turning the remaining Grey Wardens."

Evana let her head fall forward, and her eyes closed briefly. "Good gods." She lifted her head and looked at Leliana. "Do we have any idea how long the ritual is taking? Do we have time?"

"It seems to be a rather slow process right now. Undoubtedly, the Venatori are worried the Warden warriors will come to their senses before they have enough Warden mages enslaved with demons. But they obviously don't want to rush the ritual." Leliana turned to Cullen. "If anything can be done to speed up preparations on our end, we need to do it."

Cullen nodded as he leaned over the table, his face fixed in a scowl. "Yes. Lieutenant Rozellene has arrived, which will help things along. I've sent as many troops to Rylen as are ready, and Harritt is working double time on armor for the rest. Even still, I don't think the final contingent of troops will be ready to march before... no... no, not for at least another three weeks. The siege equipment won't arrive at Griffon Wing Keep until next week. Then it will need to be assembled... I just don't see how we can speed things up much more."

Leliana pursed her lips. "What about the new smith? Have you made a choice?"

Cullen looked over at Leliana and then glanced toward Evana. The look confused her, but she didn't have time to dwell on it as Cullen responded.

"I need to get Rozellene back up to speed and started on several assignments tomorrow, but I will leave the following day to visit the other smith. If this one is the better choice, we'll bring him back with us. He and Harritt can have the forge and armory running day and night."

Leliana seemed satisfied. "I will respond tonight to let them know to be on high alert. If you can find a way to get us there sooner..."

Cullen gave a curt nod and pushed away from the table. "I'll do everything in my power."

Leliana turned to Evana. "You should know that we have received reports of rifts as well as large Venatori encampments in the Hissing Wastes in the north of the Western Approach. It might be best for you and your companions to address the issues there and then meet at Griffon Wing Keep for the assault. However, I don't anticipate a full report on the Wastes for several days, and I would rather not send you out unprepared. I will let you know as soon as I hear from Scout Harding."

Evana nodded. "I'll be ready. Anything else?"

Josephine cleared her throat a little. "Don't forget to be in the great hall tomorrow morning. We have many prisoners who must be judged."

Evana's stomach flip-flopped and then twisted into a knot. Tomorrow, she would sit in judgment of the people who had been heretofore simply rotting away in the Skyhold dungeon. It wasn't right to just leave them in prison. She knew it. But how could she judge them?

She could because she must. She gave Josie a curt nod, careful to keep all emotion from her face.

"I will be ready for that as well."

They ended the meeting shortly after that. Evana thought about speaking with Cullen, but she could see his mind already working on plans to speed up their readiness. The best thing she could do for him would be to let him get to work. However, as Evana paused to bid him goodnight before they entered the great hall, Cullen surprised her by suddenly pulling her against him. He leaned down and kissed her long and hard before pulling away to give her a small, tight-lipped smile.

"It seems as though we're always being interrupted," he murmured with more than a hint of disappointment in his tone. "I... I wish I didn't have to go back and work right now, but..."

She allowed her own disappointment to show in her face and voice even as she responded, "That's part of the job, isn't it? Making sacrifices for the greater good. We both have to do it. I'm certainly not going to make you feel guilty for giving your best to our cause."

The corner of his mouth quirked upward as he slid a gloved hand across her cheek. "Tomorrow will be a busy day for us, but... come see me when you have a moment?"

She smiled up at him, running her hand along his jaw and then gripping his breastplate to pull him down to her. She kissed him softly and then turned to open the door, looking at him over her shoulder.

"Just try and stop me."

He gave her a lustful look and pulled her back into the darkened anteroom for a final kiss that scattered her thoughts and made her knees week. A small, breathy moan escaped before she could stifle it. When he finally broke the kiss, he lifted his head just enough to reveal a slow, wicked smirk tugging at his stupidly perfect mouth. With a soft "goodnight," he backed away, his eyes locked on hers, his hands sliding from where they gripped her hips. She followed to watch him turn and stride down the hall and disappear through the door on the left.

Huffing out a little sigh, she turned in the opposite direction and passed through the door to her quarters. For many reasons, sleep would be hard to come by tonight.

 **

 She wasn't wrong. After a fitful night of tossing and turning and fretting about the judgments she would have to render, she'd finally fallen asleep... only to dream of the awful things she would have to do to her prisoners the next day.

But they deserve it, she reminded herself. All the people who had fallen for Corypheus' lies of power and prestige... they had traded the welfare of the people of Thedas for their own gain. She could not afford to pity them now. The spirits of those they had killed, or who had died as a result of their actions, demanded justice. She must render appropriate judgment.

So, like a good Inquisitor, she put on a stone face and met Josephine in the great hall at the appointed hour. The great, stained glass windows above the throne at the end of the hall turned the room varying shades of blue, red and yellow, causing a strange juxtaposition of festive glow and somber duty. A crowd had gathered at the news of the proceedings, and Evana straightened her spine as Josephine guided her to the throne on the dias. Despite her determination to show no emotion, Evana sat stiffly at the edge of the golden, spiked chair. Judgment might be her duty, but she had no desire to get comfortable with it.

And so the procession began... and she found she simply couldn't be hard.

The first to be judged was the Avvar chief whose son had kidnapped Inquisition soldiers and challenged her to fight in the Fallow Mire. The chief had "attacked" Skyhold with a goat, as demanded by his clan for the death of a tribesman. So, she armed the entire Avvar clan and exiled them to Tevinter. He seemed fairly pleased by the judgment, but that didn't bother her. She had, after all, killed his "idiot son."

Alexius was harder. He'd put the entirety of Thedas in danger. He'd done it to save his son, but the havoc he might have wreaked if he'd succeeded - she couldn't contemplate being lenient. But then she'd glanced at the list of possible punishments Josephine presented for her consideration and froze in horror at the hateful word staring back at her.

Tranquility.

Her façade of calm crumbled. With a shocked and disgusted glance at Josephine, Evana only just kept herself from bursting off the throne in outrage. More upsetting was the insidious voice in the back of her mind that whispered Cullen might have had something to do with the suggestion. But no... surely he would understand at least that much? That she, a mage, could never, ever justify Tranquility? Josephine, sensing the shift, furrowed her brows and took a second look at the sheet. Without a word or even a noticeable shift in her expression, Josie leaned in and murmured in Evana's ear.

"My deepest apologies, Evana. I did not review this after it came back from Mother Giselle. She must have made an addition. It will not happen again, I promise you."

Josie leaned back and locked her gaze with Evana's in a silent plea for forgiveness. The rage still roared through Evana's veins and made it difficult to think, but she took a breath, then another, and then finally gave Josie a tiny nod of acknowledgement.

And so, perhaps out of pity for losing his son, but more likely as a rebellion against those who would consider that hideous practice an option, she simply recruited him to assist in studying magic and the arcane for the Inquisition's benefit. He would not be free, but neither would he be left to rot in a dungeon. She saw Dorian smile at her from the back of the crowd as she rendered the judgment, and the flame inside her died down a bit, allowing her to put on her façade once more. Inside, however, she seethed.

The Mayor of Crestwood presented even more difficulties. What he'd done sickened her. But he'd done it to save the remaining residents from the Blight. Or so he said. She struggled with his judgment for some time. Josephine gave her several significant looks as the crowd began to grow restless, so she decided to make him useful. He would stay in prison until the Grey Warden situation was reconciled. Then, if any loyal Wardens remained, he would be conscripted into the service of the Grey Wardens to fight the Blight until death took him. If the Grey Wardens were destroyed, she would judge him again.

Finally, the Grand Duchess Florianne de Chalons appeared before her. Evana watched the other woman throughout Josephine's pronouncements of her crimes. The Duchess' manner and words were haughty and scathing, but her posture reflected defeated. Evana wondered briefly if she dared put the Grand Duchess to work for the Inquisition, but her distrust and general distaste for the woman quickly drove out that thought. No, the Duchess would labor in the fields. If it was the only good and useful thing the woman ever did in her life, so be it.

By the time Evana finally stood up from the throne, the sun had passed its zenith. Exhausted from the spectacle as well as the emotional roller coaster of Alexius' judgment, she silently slipped away from the lingering crowds, grabbed a plate of food from the kitchens, and then took it up to the gardens to eat in her favorite secluded corner, being sure to avoid the Chantry Mother in the process. Her rage had cooled into indignation the intervening hours, but she knew she'd still chew the other woman's head off if they met right now.

As she lounged in a spot of sunlight, she reflected on the events of the morning. Barring the unpleasant "suggestion" for Alexius, the morning hadn't been as horrible as she'd imagined. She didn't feel sick to her stomach about any of her actual judgments, though she knew this was only the beginning. If they took Erimond alive, she doubted she would feel right about doing less than the worst she could rightfully do to him. And she couldn't even think about Samson. He had wreaked so much havoc. If they took him alive...

The sounds of afternoon officer's practice floated over the garden walls and roused Evana from her musings. She put aside her empty plate and leaned back, raising her face to the warmth. A chill hung in the air, but the late winter sun felt marvelous on her skin as she pushed aside her fears and anger for now and contemplated what to do with her afternoon.

She had plenty of things she needed accomplish, but for the first time since Haven, Josephine had given her the freedom to prioritize her own duties. A loosening of the leash, so to speak.

She thought about spending a bit of her afternoon practicing a few new spells. With Solas gone, she'd have to convince Dorian to join her. As she had lamented many times while out traveling with her non-mage companions, it wasn't any fun practicing spells by yourself. Or perhaps she would continue her and Dorian's research into improving their camp wards...

It was a strange feeling being able to plan her own afternoon. After having her days planned out for her for so long - first with the clan and then with the Inquisition - the freedom overwhelmed her. She still had meetings with Josephine, but after the Winter Palace, the ambassador's strict lessons had shifted into occasional "interludes," which she insisted were necessary to maintain their connection with each other as colleagues. Mostly they just discussed current happenings among the nobility over tea with Leliana. Cullen was also invited, but he never appeared. She couldn't blame him. It was mostly gossip, but Josephine did tell the most hilarious stories about the scandalous nobles. She found herself thoroughly entertained most of the time.

"Inquisitor? Er... Your Worship?"

Evana shook herself from her thoughts and looked up to see a small, elven boy of about eight or nine standing just outside of her circle of sunlight. "Yes? What can I do for you, da'len?"

He smiled shyly at her endearment and fiddled with his thumbs. His hands were dirty, as if he'd been playing in the magic-warmed garden for some time. He shyly looked away and then fixed his pale gray eyes on her before attempting to speak again.

"The others. The mages. They say you are good with growing things? Mamae didn't make it out of Haven, but she was good with growing, too. I wanted to plant her some flowers, but they don't seem to want to grow. Will you... would you help me?"

Even as a pang of regret for Haven echoed through her chest, a warm smile spread across her face as she regarded the pale-skinned child with a row of freckles across his nose that rivaled her own.

"Of course, da'len. What is your name?"

"Orian."

"My name is Evana." She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "You can call me that when no one else is around. OK?"

His thin lips bloomed into a secretive smile as he nodded his head vehemently. Unruly brown locks quivered with his enthusiasm, covering his eyes, and Evana struggled to keep a straight face. Standing up, she offered him her hand, and he took it, quickly tugging her to a back corner of the garden.

Suddenly, Evana couldn't think of a better way to spend her afternoon.

 **

 The afternoon slid by quickly as she and Orian worked the earth, and Evana placed a few spells over the bed of flowers to encourage growth. The young boy had turned out to be quite precocious and not at all shy after his initial introduction. She found herself enjoying his company more than she'd expected and couldn't help wondering about the child. She made a mental note to check up on his situation when she had a free moment.

After bidding Orian a good evening, Evana slipped out of the garden and over the bridge to see Cullen. As busy as he was, she doubted she'd have more than a few minutes with him, which meant she shouldn't be late to the interlude with Josephine.

She opened the door to find him miraculously alone and scanning titles at his bookshelf. He turned to face her and smiled as she walked closer.

"There you are," he declared warmly.

She smiled right back, but couldn't help teasing him a little. "Were you waiting for me all afternoon, then?"

Cullen flushed. "Yes. I-I mean, no!"

"I can come back later if you'd prefer..."

She feigned turning toward the door, but he caught her hand and gently pulled her back. Her teasing smile faded as she finally registered his nervousness.

"No! Please stay. I... uh... we have some dealings in Ferelden, as you know. I'm leaving tomorrow to visit with one of the blacksmiths Harritt picked out, and... I was hoping you'd accompany me. If you can spare the time, of course."

He had become more nervous with each word. Evana couldn't help responding in kind, her brow furrowing with worry.

"Is something wrong?"

"What? No! I thought just you might wish to go... but if you're not interested, it's no problem."

"Oh, I'm definitely interested," she responded, then added cautiously, "We're going to review the smith's work?"

Cullen let out a small breath and smiled at her in what looked like relief. He'd been nervous to ask her along? Curious. Was there more to this than just a visit to a blacksmith?

"Yes. Harritt thought it would be best to review both the candidates in their normal work environment before choosing one to join us here. I visited the other blacksmith while you were in the Exalted Plains."

She smiled again and nodded. He was still holding her hand, so she tightened her grip and stepped closer to him.

"Sounds like fun. So... where are we going, anyway?"

"Uh... it's down in southern Ferelden. In Honnleath."

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips at him. "Hmmm... Isn't that where you're from?"

Cullen flushed again, but he didn't drop her hand or step away. "Yes. Originally. Though I doubt I know anyone from there anymore."

She just looked up at him for a moment before nodding. "I'll meet you at the gates tomorrow morning, then. How long will we be gone?"

He seemed to relax a little bit at her matter-of-fact question. "Less than a week. I've already made the necessary arrangements and cleared things with the other advisors."

Well, then. He'd already done the prep work. This was certainly more than a simple trip to visit a blacksmith. If he wanted to keep it casual, though, she wouldn't begrudge him.

"Well... I should let you get back to work."

He sighed and gave her a small smile as he pulled her against him. "Yes. I have much to do before tomorrow... but it seems I do have time for a quick break if you'd like."

"I'd always like, but I'm already late for our interlude with Josephine."

"Pity. You could simply skip it as I do."

She laughed at him and rose up on her toes to brush his lips. She tried to pull away, but his gloved hand reached up to cup her cheek and held her in place as he pressed a deeper kiss on her lips. Her arms slid around his neck...

At the sound of the door opening, they flew apart. Josephine's messenger curtsied to them both. "Commander, Inquisitor. Lady Montilyet requests your presence in her office for this week's interlude."

Cullen cleared his throat, his face red. "I'm afraid I don't have time for the interlude this week. Please give my apologies to Josephine for the inconvenience."

Evana fought off a grin and then stepped forward. She knew her face was also flushed - she could feel the warmth in her cheeks still - but she didn't want to keep Josie waiting any longer.

"I will walk with you if you are headed back."

The messenger nodded and opened the door for her. Evana threw a final glance back at Cullen, gratified to find him watching her leave. Closing his door behind her, she walked silently back to the great hall and through to Josie's office. Leliana already sat at the tea table and Josie raised an eyebrow at Evana as she walked over and took her normal seat at the table. The fourth chair remained empty, per usual.

"The Commander sends his apologies, my lady," Josie's messenger informed them. "In his words, he 'doesn't have time for the interlude this week.'"

Josie let out a little sigh. "Or any other week. Thank you. You may go Juliette."

The mood was a bit low at first, but soon the party turned jovial as the ambassador and spymaster traded stories of the latest news from Orlais. Near the end of their scheduled time together, Josie and Leliana began to argue over whether taupe was a spring color. As she had no opinion on the matter - nor any idea what taupe even looked like - Evana tuned out for a bit to think over her upcoming trip with Cullen.

They would be traveling on business, so they'd likely have a small retinue of soldiers tagging along, perhaps even some of his lieutenants. Creators, he wouldn't bring Rozellene along, would he? No, surely not. They'd spoken about her, and he seemed to understand the issue. Regardless, soldiers tagging along wouldn't be very romantic. Maybe she'd only imagined his nervousness? Maybe it really was just a business trip.

The stares and stifled giggles roused her from her thoughts. Evana rolled her eyes at them both.

"What?"

"Oh, we were just talking about how you seemed to be off in a little dream land. Something you care to share?"

She raised an eyebrow and gave them an unbelieving look. "Cullen told me he'd already talked with you both, so you are well aware that we'll be leaving together tomorrow."

Josie sighed. "It's quite a romantic gesture for someone like Cullen. I mean, it's still Inquisition business, but he could have done this alone as he did the first trip. I'm sure he's got something else planned."

Evana eyed Josie warily. "You think so?"

Leliana cut in. "If he doesn't, he is a fool."

Evana shrugged and took a sip of tea. "It doesn't matter. If he does, I'll be pleasantly surprised. If he doesn't, I won't be disappointed."

"Well, either way, we all know he worships the very ground you walk on." Josie paused to look as her, then continued carefully. "We were a little worried while you were away. He seemed... on edge whenever we spoke of you."

Evana shifted uncomfortably in her seat. This must be what Josie's look during her bath had been about. She didn't mind talking over some of her own thoughts and fears with the two women, but she hesitated to talk about Cullen. It was hard enough for him to speak with her of his insecurities. She knew he wouldn't want them repeated, no matter how good of friends they all were.

"We... struggled with a few things, but it's nothing to worry about. Nothing that would endanger our... relationship."

"That's good to hear. Especially now that we've seen our very first round of gossip that the Herald of Andraste is bedding her military Commander."

Evana could only stare at Leliana. "W-what?"

Josie cleared her throat, and Leliana actually flinched at what must have been a sharp kick from the ambassador under the table. "What Leliana means is that there are a few rumors coming out of Orlais that you and Cullen are... close."

Evana closed her eyes for a moment. The talk was inevitable, of course. She'd known it would surface eventually. No matter how hard they tried to keep things private, everyone in Skyhold already seemed to know.

"I knew this was coming. I guess I just hoped it wouldn't be this soon. What are they saying?"

Josie looked down. Leliana leaned forward, all the teasing gone and replaced by a serious look on her face.

"That it is a conflict of interest. That it weakens the Inquisition. Some will seek to exploit it if they can confirm it. However, you should know that Josie and I are already working on counter measures. It will not have any measurable effect on our influence across Ferelden or Orlais."

Evana's heart dropped to her knees, and a ball of roiling guilt took its place in her chest. She'd known people would be unhappy, but this... They were already attempting to delegitimize the Inquisition because of her relationship with Cullen? That chain of thought led her to another, more upsetting realization. Dread crept up to take its place alongside the guilt as she locked gazes with Leliana.

"What are they saying about Cullen? Are they disparaging him because of me?"

Leliana cleared her throat and glanced at Josie before continuing. "As the leader of the Inquisition-"

"And a knife-ear," Evana cut in bitterly. But Leliana didn't lose her stride.

"-most are directed at you, of course. However, we have received a few... hateful messages directed at Cullen. He's seen them and thinks as highly of them as the rest of us. I know it isn't pleasant to hear, but we thought you should know, in case..."

"In case you encountered something like this in your travels," Josephine finished.

Evana covered her face with her hands. They were saying awful things about him... for simply being with her. She should have known, anticipated this, but she'd foolishly hoped her status as the Inquisitor might spare him. Apparently not. Even her mark - supposedly granted from their own prophet - wouldn't save him from their hate and derision for being with a knife-eared rabbit. She was an elf, and a mage, and they would look down on him as long as he was with her. She stood suddenly.

"I... I'm very tired, and I need to go prepare for the journey tomorrow. Thank you for letting me know about... the messages. If you need me, I'll be in my quarters."

She refused to look at them as she left. She didn't think she could bear the pity in their eyes.

[patheticnugbaby]

Strong

This took a lot longer than I wanted it to the write it but it’s okay. Adahla is struggling with the ever-encroaching idea that her work may never be done, or that she’ll be dead before she can finish it. Takes place after Adamant and references a few of my other fics. I’ll make a thing putting them all in order and shit someday I swear.

How many times do you think Solas apologized to your Inquisitor over the course of the whole thing? If they were good enough friends for them to confide in him somewhat, about their fears, pain, the burden of it all. How many times do you think he apologized when they told him? Them thinking he’s apologizing because he’s sorry that it fell to you, him knowing that it’s his fault they’ve suffered.

WARNING: Descriptions of pain, blood, and despair.

Adahla sat on the ground, staring into the hearth fire. The anchor almost glowed brighter than the fire did. She pulled her knees up to her chest, tucking her chin as she looked at her left hand.

“What’s going on here?!”

The Divine, suspended in the air by Gray Wardens, their eyes fogged over with angry red light. A grotesque, spindly creature, malformed limbs, was it wearing armor or was its skin stretched over some kind of awful black metal? Shards of brilliant red crystal grew from its flesh.

The Divine lunged, knocking the green orb from its grasp. Adahla lunged to grab it, fumbling until she held it in her left hand. Searing, white pain shot up her arm, bringing her to her knees-

 She winced, a sudden, sharp pain from the anchor bringing her from her memories. Adahla gripped her hand tightly, as though the pressure would alleviate the pain. She gritted her teeth, cradling her hand close to her chest. It hissed and spat, like hot oil.

There was a quick, polite knock on the door. Her breath hissed between her clenched teeth but she stayed quiet. She didn’t trust herself to speak without alerting them that something was wrong. She needed just one night after the absolute horror of Adamant. Just one. Then she could go back to being the Inquisitor.

“Inquisitor? Are you alright?” Solas, he never came up here before. “May I come in?”

She took a few shallow breaths, squeezing her eyes shut, “Just a... Just a moment! I- Aah!” The anchor cracked and she fell onto her side, curled around her left hand, clutching it so tightly her nails drew blood.

She heard her door slam open, hurried footsteps running up the stairs. She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes, even as she was pulled into a lap. Adahla curled tighter around her hand with a strangled sob.

“I know. I know it hurts, vhenan. I am so, so sorry.” Warm arms closed around her, it would’ve been comforting if not for the fiery pain of the anchor. “Let me see.”

A hand closed on her left wrist, gently prying it from her grasp. She tried not to fight him on it, each new wave of pain made her want to draw it back to her chest. She clenched her right hand, her fingernails biting into her skin.

“I know. I’m sorry,” He pulled her fingers away from her palm, there was a hissing crack of wild magic that made her yank her arm in his grasp, “Ir abelas, ma vhenan. How long has this been happening to you?”

“Always flared a little now and then,” She managed between gritted teeth, “Started getting worse after Adamant.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” There was a sharp edge in his voice, like a ragged blade.

“I didn’t-” She gasped as a sharp pain lanced straight through her bones, “I didn’t want to worry anyone.”

“You could not have failed more spectacularly,” He hissed, fingers probing gently at the edges of the mark, “Fenedhis!”

She winced as a sharp, cold sting shot through her hand, numbing the pain to a duller throb rather than the fire it had been before. Adahla took a breath, it felt like the first one she’d taken all night. She wiped her eyes with the heel of her right hand, chancing a glance at Solas.

If she didn’t know him better she’d say he almost looked impassive, but she did know him better. His lips were pressed into a thin line, anger and worry creasing his eyebrows and his ears were pulled tightly against his head. His eyes softened a little as he covered his thumb in his sleeve, gently wiping away at her face.

“You’re bleeding.” His voice was quiet, a soft tremble in it, “Are you alright?”

“I’m better,” She smiled a little, to reassure him, “Really, I’m alright.”

When he pulled his sleeve away there was a deep, red smear on the hem, “You say that more often than it is true.”

“I need to be alright. I always need to be alright, no matter what’s happened.” She snapped, pulling away from him a little, “Because if I’m not, suddenly we can’t do this,” she sat up, pulling her legs up to her chest and burying her head, “I can’t do this.”

Solas reached out and pulled her back to him, leaning down to rest his head on her back, “You are not alright, and here, you don’t have to be,” she felt him place a soft kiss on her shoulder, “You are a strong woman, Adahla, you are unique in the most remarkable ways, but you do not have to be strong now, vhenan.”

Something in her cracked, like the final tap that shattered a glass. Her fingers clutched tightly to her trousers as she shuddered with a broken sob. She turned, burying her face in his chest, clutching his sweater tightly. His arms wrapped warmly around her back, rocking her slowly. Hot tears flowed down her cheeks, falling to stain the light fabric of his shirt. A hand gently stroked her hair, tucking stray strands behind her ears. Eventually, she wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly enough to prompt a breathless chuckle. Adahla managed to look up at him, puffy red eyes and drooping ears.

“Ma vhenan,” He smiled, almost sadly before he gathered her into his arms, pressing her close, kissing her hair, “I am sorry that this is your burden to bear.”

“You always say that,” She replied, sniffling a little and nuzzling into his chest, “I may have ruined your shirt.”

“It’s just a shirt,” She heard the little smile in his voice as he hugged her a little tighter, “Would you like to talk?”

“I don’t know,” She paused, shifting a little, “but I think I should. Maybe not on the floor.”

He loosened his arms on her, allowing her to stand. She gave him a smile, holding out her hand for him to take. Solas allowed her to pull him up, reaching over to place a hand on the back of her neck, planting a soft kiss on her forehead before letting her go. She took both of his hands in hers, leading him around to one side of her little bed. She sat on the edge, bringing him to sit next to her, still having one hand in his. Adahla leaned on his shoulder with a yawn she tried to suppress.

“You’re tired,” He brushed his lips against her forehead, gently squeezing her hand.

“I’m always tired. Sleep alone won’t ease that,” She shook her head a little, “I should be relieved. Orlais stands, no demon hordes marching on the horizon. You and I, we walked the fade, felt it solidly under our feet and made it out alive.” Adahla paused, looking at her left hand, “I remember how I got this now. It was foolish of me to wish for those memories back.”

“Anything can look foolish in hindsight,” Solas rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.

“Even you?” She smiled, really smiled and nudged him playfully, relishing the warm sound of his laughter.

“Especially me, vhenan,” He reached over with his free hand, tucking her hair behind her ears, nothing but tenderness in his eyes. “Why are you not relieved?”

She looked away, out her closed windows, “I am waiting for another unthinkable catastrophe. We have won two victories and we have not been reprimanded. I know, he cannot admit that we have wounded him. I just have this feeling that something terrible is looming around the next corner, that when all is said and done, it really won’t be.” Adahla squeezed his hand, perhaps a little too firmly, “If I live long enough to see Corypheus put down for good I fear that won’t be the end of it. The world will find another way to fall to pieces and unless I run they will look to me to pick up the pieces until it kills me.” She took a long, shuddering breath, “I don’t know if I can even see the point to it all anymore. What is this struggle even about? The vain hope that the breath we draw tomorrow is somehow less rotten than the one we draw today?”

He was silent for a time, his warm hand in hers, the only sounds their breathing and the soft popping of the fire in the hearth. She felt the soft pricking at the corners of her eyes, a sharp pang in her chest as she felt sure he wouldn’t have an answer for her. He always had an answer for her.

“It’s about the little things,” He said quietly, his eyes on the floor, ears flicking a little, “The smell of your favorite tea in the morning, the comfort of a good story in the company of friends. It’s about the thrill of discovering something new, or entirely forgotten; the gleam of joy in another’s eyes. The beauty of a sunrise over the mountains, the warmth that comes when you finally come home, tender kisses stolen in the shadows of a deserted library. Laughing at the wonder of snow.”

He leaned over and caught her jaw with his forefinger, turning her to face him. She swallowed, still feeling the prickling of tears in the corners of her eyes but it didn’t sting. There was adoration in his gaze, butterflies slowly batting their wings in her chest. She stored that look with them, how his lips were slightly parted as his thumb grazed gently over her bottom lip, the easy warmth in his storm-colored eyes.

“Remember them. Even if after all of this, it doesn’t feel the same,” He smiled softly, stroking her cheek, “If you cannot, then remember that you are loved. Always.”

She hugged him tightly to her, her cheeks flushing a little when she heard his soft laughter. When she pulled back she hastily wiped at her eyes with a nervous laugh.

“Creators. I just can’t stop crying tonight, can I?” She laughed again, looking away before he pulled her back into a looser embrace.

“Cry as you need to, my heart,” She felt him kiss her hair, “You carry a heavy burden, one you never asked for.”

“I fell into it, fate and happenstance. I heard her voice and I went to see what happened. I wanted to help her,” She chuckled ruefully, “Always have to try and save them, don’t I? Even when it hurts.”

“You have a noble heart, ma’arlath,” He pulled her into his lap, reaching up to cup her cheek, “I am proud to know you.”

“Sweet talker,” She blushed a little, taking his hand in hers and turning her head to kiss his palm, then she yawned, unable to stop herself.

“You should sleep, if you can,” He smiled, tilting his head a little.

She glanced at her bed, then back to him, pensively chewing her bottom lip, “Would you... Would you stay with me tonight?” she saw him flick his ears a little and she amended: “I don’t- I don’t mean that I just-” She huffed, looking down, “I would like to not be alone.”

Solas reached up to her face and pulled her down to him for a soft, gentle kiss, “Ma nuvenin.”

She squeaked when he picked her up, only to turn and lay her on top of the covers, “Solas!” he gave her a little smirk before putting a little kiss on her nose, “I haven’t even taken my boots off.”

“We’ll have to fix that then, won’t we?” He gave her an impish grin, sitting by her feet and deftly unlacing her boots.

“I can do that,” She protested, sitting up and taking her leg away from him.

“I’m aware. All the same, would you allow me this simple pleasure?” He smiled softly, tilting his head; she flopped back onto the bed, relinquishing her leg.

“You can’t look at me like that.”

“Why?” There was a mischievous edge to his voice as he continued unlacing her boots.

“Because you look like a damn puppy, that’s why,” She growled, pushing herself up on her elbows to glare at him when he laughed. “What? It’s true.”

He laughed again, slowly pulling off her boots and setting them neatly beside the bed, “Is there anything else you need, vhenan?”

“Just another log on the fire,” She answered, ears flicking a little as she sat up, shrugging off her coat and throwing it onto the couch.

He flicked his wrist, a log neatly placing itself in the hearth, “You sleep in your clothes?”

“What’s wrong with that? It’s cold here,” She drew her covers back, patting the bed beside her, “Are you coming?”

He hesitated, just for a moment before slipping the wraps from his feet and circling to the other side of the bed, slipping under the sheets beside her. He laid on his side, facing her as he held his arms open for her. She grinned, pressing her back against his chest as his arms folded around her. Adahla covered his hand with hers with a happy little sigh.

“Is my hair bothering you?” She asked, turning a little, he chuckled, squeezing her gently.

“Never,” She felt him press a soft kiss against her temple before he laid back, “dream well, ma’arlath.”

“Dream well, emma sa’lath.” She brought his hand to her lips before snuggling a little further into her blankets.

She fell asleep almost immediately, pressed close to him. He knew that he shouldn’t be here but he quashed the unwelcome thought, reveling in the scent of her hair, the sound of her breathing. She was soft and pliant in his arms, warm and sweet against his chest. He held her a little tighter, allowing himself to be lost in this precious moment, to pretend that it would never have to end.

[jostenminyard]

Refusing to Dream - Andrew/Neil

Summary: It’s not a big bed, not at all, but when it’s just them laying there, suddenly it feels as if it were built to fit someone of Andrew’s height and someone of Neil’s.

(Or: Neil has nightmares, so Andrew and Neil fall asleep together.) | AO3

A/N: Hi, this is my first Andreil fic. I’m very happy to be here.

Andrew said he’d protect him. Andrew said he’d watch his back. Andrew said he’d be there.

Neil hadn’t thought about the boundaries, hadn’t thought about the limits to Andrew’s words before. Was there anything he wouldn’t protect him from?

He was one step closer to figuring it out that day during practice. He was tired. He was tired because he hadn’t slept. He hadn’t slept because he had a nightmare again and woke with a start, and he refused to put himself back in a position where he was helpless to so much fear.

The past few nights he’s barely blinked. This wouldn’t be a problem, not really, except that he critically needs his sleep to be strong and alert on the court.

But a week or so of refusing to dream has taken its toll on him.

Everyone can notice, the whole team begging him to ditch dinner plans and go straight to bed.

It’s only Andrew who knows, however, even though Neil hadn’t breathed a word about why he was so tired.

His locker slams shut by someone else’s accord, but Neil knows it’s Andrew before he even sees him, so he doesn’t flinch, and lets his eyes automatically drop the distance to Andrew’s.

“You’re not sleeping,” Andrew says, airing his voice as curious even though Neil knows he isn't. “What is it? Freddy Krueger?”

“You could say that,” Neil sighs, reaching for his bag and swinging it over his shoulder. “I’m fine. I’ve tired myself out from practice. Tonight should be easier.”

Andrew shakes his head. “Such pretty eyes, Neil. There’s so much more to be looking at than the ceiling above your bed.”

Neil turns away a little, not wanting to speak too loud even though he isn’t talking about anything serious. “These dreams are just - unsettling. I can’t tell reality from a nightmare. It takes me too long to figure it out. When I do, it’s morning.”

It’s a long moment of consideration, Andrew tapping his fingers against his chin, and then he nods.

“Well, who knew somebody so thickheaded could be so afraid of a dream.”

He plays with the strap of Neil’s bag, then turns around without saying anything.

-

And Neil thought that was it.

But after night practice, when Neil, Kevin and Andrew head back to their rooms, Andrew keeps following Neil.

“Andrew,” Kevin says from his doorway. It’s a plea and a question all at once.

Andrew doesn’t look back, choosing to wave him off instead.

And Neil would ask.

But then there’s a prompting hand on the small of his back, getting him to start walking again towards his room.

Matt is still awake, looking confused and a bit scared when the two step inside, but not as confused as Neil feels. Andrew marches to their bedroom, cheerfully shouting over his shoulder, “Thanks for being such a good sport, Matt! Volunteering to sleep on the couch. What a champ!”

Matt looks even more confused, about to protest, about to yell out a million questions, but when Andrew marches over to Matt’s bed and rips his blanket off, turning briskly to hand it to him, all of Matt goes quiet.

In the doorway of the bedroom, Matt leans down closer to Neil, helplessly and questioningly whispering, “Neil?”

Neil just shrugs, not sure what this is, but knowing it’s not what Matt thinks.

Once the door closes behind them, Andrew stands there with his arms folded, waiting as patiently as Andrew can wait. His eyes dart towards Neil’s dresser.

Neil sighs, goes to his dresser and digs around for sweatpants, changing into them with his back to Andrew. He can still feel Andrew’s eyes on him.

His bed is hardly big enough to fit him, but Andrew manages to find a spot.

It’s not a big bed, not at all, but when it’s just them laying there, suddenly it feels as if it were built to fit someone of Andrew’s height and someone of Neil’s.

“Sleep,” Andrew instructs, stern but quiet.

Neil nods, puts his head on the pillow, all too aware of the few inches between them. Andrew doesn’t touch him, but Neil knows he’s there.

They’re sharing a blanket. Neil hasn’t shared a blanket with another body since -

Since his mother, and that wasn’t about choice. That was the only option when there were no other blankets or beds.

Andrew has his own just down the hall.

But here he is, sharing Neil’s.

“Sleep,” Andrew says again, as if he can tell Neil’s eyes are wide open on the wall. Neil feels his words against the back of his neck.

His tense shoulders slowly unwind.

Then he hears, or he thinks he hears - he must be going delusional, making things up, dreaming already - but he swears on his life that Andrew says, “I’m here.”

He shuts his eyes, and feels Andrew’s eyes on him.

If his are open, then Neil’s can be closed.

The last thing he feels or hears is the shuddering sound of Andrew’s breath, right against the back of his neck.

-

A door bangs open outside at some point in time, jolting Neil awake and upright, and unfortunately making him deliver a crushing blow with his elbow to Andrew’s ribs.

Forgetting that Andrew was there, he yelps, thrashes, and Andrew makes a move as if to attack back, but after a long, heavy moment his posture fades into careless again.

He’s too drowsy to decipher the look Andrew gives him, but he knows it’s sour. Andrew mutters dark words, then shoves at Neil’s shoulder to push him back down to the pillow.

When he wakes up to early morning sunshine, his bed is empty, save for himself.

He touches the sheets where Andrew was, wondering if he dreamed him too, and drifts back off.

-

He thought that was it, knowing he hadn’t dreamt it because Matt was grumpy with him all morning, sending him scandalized looks whenever he thought Neil wasn’t looking.

He thought that was it, but before practice Andrew is on him immediately, holding his chin in his hand and standing on his tiptoes to peer into his eyes.

“You survived another night.”

“No Freddy Krueger.”

Andrew smiles, still holding Neil’s chin. “You talk in your sleep, you know.”

Andrew’s smile grows wider when Neil stiffens.

“You also snore. Next time I’m bringing earplugs.”

Next time.

Neil didn’t realize how bad he was hoping for a next time until those words left Andrew’s lips.

That night though, Andrew sleeps in his own bed, and Neil sleeps in his. He doesn’t even have a nightmare thankfully, but he doesn’t exactly sleep. He hasn’t had another body in his bed in years, but suddenly it’s all that’s familiar and he wants it back.

Andrew makes a ‘tsk’ noise when he sees him the next morning at practice. He says nothing to Neil, and instead shouts over his shoulder, “Hey Nicky! Do you have any earplugs I could borrow? Neil and I will need them.”

The whole team looks at them, and Neil would blush maybe if what they were thinking were true.

He doesn’t follow Neil to his room that night, and Neil’s heart sinks a bit.

Matt knows exactly what he’s thinking of, watching Neil stare at the door, because he asks, “Are those earplugs Andrew was talking about for me by any chance?”

Neil frowns. “What? Why?”

“. . . you guys . . ?”

Neil does blush then, and ducks his head, waving a dismissive hand.

There’s a knock on the door sometime later, and Matt answers it since he’s the closest. Neil thinks maybe it’s Kevin, but then he hears that voice, that awful voice he likes so much, loudly declaring, “Good evening, Matt. I hope your couch is comfy!”

Andrew walks in, wearing sweats and a hoodie and just the image of him makes Neil sleepy. He’s never been eager for sleep before.

Andrew waits for him to climb up. It takes a bit of fidgeting before they’re comfortable and settled. Then they lay there in silence, both with their heads on the pillow, looking up. Neil soon turns his gaze on Andrew, studying the outline of his face in the dark. Andrew takes out a lighter from somewhere, plays with it, a small flicker of orange igniting his face every now and then.

Neil realizes it’s so Andrew doesn’t look at him.

“Go to sleep,” Andrew orders, and Neil nods, but he can’t quite look away from Andrew, wanting to make sure he’s really there, so he sleeps facing him.

He can feel Andrew’s glare and confusion even with his eyes shut.

But even with Andrew there, he has a nightmare. Dark and clawing and like heavy grey mud, pulling him down and sinking him until reality is so far from view he can’t breathe. He makes himself wake up with a start.

Andrew is still there, wide awake it seems, which makes him wonder if he slept for long or not.

He’s panting and gasping, struggling, looking so helpless at the boy beside him.

Andrew says nothing. All he does is push at Neil’s shoulder and turn him to face the wall.

Which is the last thing Neil wants to do.

Except then there’s a body right behind him, touching him, and there’s no guessing as to whether or not Andrew is there.

Andrew wraps his arms around him, tucks his legs behind his, and presses his mouth to the back of Neil’s neck. Not a kiss, but a breath, and another breath, warm and alive and real.

He doesn’t need to be told to go back to sleep. He believes in this reality enough.

-

He’s never there when Neil wakes up. That’s one factor that doesn’t change, no matter the hour, no matter the day. Matt tells him he usually leaves an hour before Neil’s up, silent and quick and then gone like he was never there.

Neil wants to ask him to stay longer, tell him that there’s no use in separating when they wake up to do the same thing and go to the same place, but he doesn’t want to give it all up either. Once Andrew realizes that Neil doesn’t need this anymore, and instead wants it, it’ll all be over.

He’ll never show up again, and Neil will never sleep with peace.

It’s never really spoken about, not between them, though the rest of the team is having a field day with wild and untrue theories. He won’t stop them from thinking whatever they think, because he doesn’t want them to know the truth.

The only time it’s acknowledged is in the morning before practice.

Neil’s tongue burns with all the unsaid words, the pleas, the need to say stay.

Andrew cups his face, either by the chin or around his cheeks, looks into his eyes, and decides something for himself.

Whatever he sees determines if he’ll show up that night.

No night is the same, no night is consecutive, but they all make him feel a certain way - safe.

Sometimes they have to sleep on the couch, with Neil laying and Andrew sitting. Sometimes Neil can’t fall asleep, so they just lay there, doing nothing and saying nothing and feeling everything.

And sometimes Neil wakes with such violent starts that he jerks upright, panting for air because he couldn’t breathe in his dream, hating his past so much for trying to push its way into his future. Fighting to differentiate between a dream and reality is hard when he’s experienced his nightmares firsthand.

If that sometimes happens, well, Andrew’s hand is always there.

Flat against his chest, fingertips digging in until Neil can feel them like they’re under his skin, staying there until everything else fades out.

He wonders, in those brief moments before sleep, if Andrew’s touch actually helps or not. Warm skin and firm hands should pull him right into reality, away from grey and black and fog and clouds and monsters, but they just confuse him.

There’s just no way this could be real, not for him, not from him.

He wonders about it until he falls asleep.

-

Then one day that knock on the door at midnight stops.

He waits for it, he lays in bed and stays awake until his eyes refuse to stay open, and he doesn’t ask Andrew about it because Andrew wouldn’t tell him anyways.

Every night that Andrew doesn’t show up Neil relives the nights that he did, remembering how his hands felt, how his breath felt, how it felt to sleep with another person in his bed. It was a reality, it happened, he knows it did, so when he relives it in his sleep, he keeps on dreaming, not even knowing that he is.

Then one day Andrew greets him with, “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty! My, don’t you look well rested today.”

Before the door of opportunity to talk about it closes, Neil stares at him and asks, “Why’d you do it?”

Andrew grins. “Two options. I’ll let you contemplate,” he says, stepping closer, closer than he’s been in a while. “One; your bed is comfier than mine. Or two; I promised you protection, didn’t I? Even if it was against your own thick head.”

Neil swallows, hard, and continues to stare at Andrew. “Well, thanks. They’re gone now.”

Andrew’s smile grows two sizes as his hand comes up, grasping the side of Neil’s face for inspection.

“Oh no, silly Neil. They’re still there,” he says, almost sounding threatening. “But now they’re about me. So what’s to be afraid of?”

Neil’s mouth falls open, and Andrew’s smile bumps up another size, but he’s turning around and walking away before Neil can say anything.

It hadn’t made sense until now. It’s still deep and foggy and so hard to breathe, but sleeping doesn’t scare him.

Because now his dreams are made of a reality he’s had, a reality he wants, and he doesn’t need to tell the difference between waking and sleeping.