#maple breakfast stout

[warnerdale]

Beans and Peas - Vermont Maple Stout Baked Beans Vermont maple syrup is combined with a Vermont maple breakfast stout, salt pork, and dried beans resulting in a sweet and savory batch of slow-cooked baked beans.

[ask-de-writer]

WIND MEETS THE ROM : Part 21 of 27 :

MLP Fan Fiction

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WIND MEETS THE ROM

Part 21 of 27

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

Cover art by @wind-the-mama-cat

54212 words

© 2023 by Glen Ten-Eyck

Writing begun 06/01/18

All rights reserved. This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information remains intact. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story? Read from Part 1, here!

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Wind replied, “Thank you, Mama Dragon. I have already learned that I am not yet ready for swords.”

Hanar chuckled, “I was there! No, sweet love of mine, no swords. If you tell me what it needs, I will make you a staff of Rom Blackwood. No wood is stronger than Blackwood.”

As Wind was thanking Hanar for her offer, Mama Dragon pushed back her chair and said, “Marchhare, I must thank you for your excellent care of my Kitten. Now, I fear, it is time for me to go.”

She was starting for the door in the front of the caravan when Wind took her arm and told her, “Not yet, Mama. You need to stay until the fair opens. The wood miners have found a big ancient maple with burls. The burls and some of the other wood have opalized. Think of the lovely maple burl grain patterns in opal.”

Mama Dragon's eyes closed and her lips pursed in a near ecstacy as she pictured the burl grain in opal colors. Recovering, she looked down at Wind and ruffled the hair between her ears as she rumbled, “Thank you, Wind. You have saved me from a grave error.”

Turning to Hoof Dancer and Black Lotus she said contritely, “It appears that you will have to make more carnivore breakfast, my dears. How soon will the wood miners get here?”

Marchhare giggled but replied, “Fairly early after sunrise. They will need to set up their sales booth. How do I compete for opalized burl wood with a dragon looking to increase her hoard?”

Mama Dragon's grin bared all of her impressive fangs as she retorted, “You don't!” Her grin morphing into a smile, she added, “Fear not, I will leave some for both you and Rose. In fact, I would love to buy one of her boxes made from this opalized wood.”

Breakfast was the usual madhouse of Rom grabbing pastries, pies, tea and scrambles. Mama Dragon surprised everyhorse there by taking a place beside Wind in the serving line, speaking perfect Gyptian to the rest.

The three of them, Mama Dragon, Wind and Hanar found a nice shady spot to eat their breakfast. Hanar was brimming over with questions about Wind's home world as they sipped big mugs of tea.

Suddenly Hanar's magic gathered all their breakfast dishes and utensils and sailed them unerringly into the soaking tubs! She pointed, dancing with excitement! “The wood miners! That is their cart on the midway!”

There was a small stampede of Rom and a dragon toward the cart in the midway! Wind, far ahead of the pack, stopped by the cart and politely asked, “How can we help you to set up? We have some horses and a dragon who all want your special woods.”

“We'd be glad of some help, um, Mam. We have some heavy things to off load and our tables have to be real stout, so they are heavy too.”

Wind pointed, “So, those trestles and boards on top are your tables? No problem at all. If I am counting right, you want four trestles under each table, right?”

Wind just hopped up onto the wagon, calling, “Hanar! They want four of these under each table!” She casually began tossing the dozen stout wood trestles off the wagon!

Hanar's magic caught the sawhorse like trestles and set them neatly into a big U shape. Boards sailed off from Wind's hands but were caught and placed with precision by Hanar's magic. In short order, the booth tables were ready.

Mama Dragon and Marchhare stepped to the front. Mama Dragon, leaning forward in a slightly predatory posture, politely asked, “I hear that you have some opalized maple burls. I am most eager to see them. I will buy one if they are anything like the report that I heard.”

Stepping back with trepidation from the dragon in front of him, the leader pointed to three stout square cases on the wagon. They are right there. It takes two of us to lift each one. We will get right on it . . .”

His words trailed away as slight seeming Wind picked up the first of the indicated boxes and handed it to Mama Dragon, who took it, balancing it on one hand and transferring it to the table. They repeated the task with each of the other two. Wind hopped off of the wagon and joined Mama Dragon, giving her a hug.

Mama Dragon returned the hug with hands that were rough scaled on the backs but scaled as smooth as the belly scutes of a snake on the palms and undersides of her fingers. The sheer comfort that Wind radiated showed all who could see that she was happily at home in Mama Dragon's arms.

Mama Dragon extricated herself from Wind and asked politely, “May I see the burls?”

The lead miner nodded, “Sure can. If you want to buy one, we will take a Secure Gold Transfer or cut it down to a size that you can afford.”

“Oh, that won't be necessary. You do take gold coin don't you?”

“Yes, Mam, we do. But this is thousands of gold bits we are talking about here.”

“I did figure that out, Sir. Equestrian gold bits are 2% copper for durability. I have coins that match that purity in my hoard. You do have a trade scale to weigh them, don't you? Of course I expect you to test my coins for purity.

“May I see your burls now?”

Mutely he nodded and unfastened catches at the lower front corners of each case. He folded back the front and top to make a display box of each case.

He apologetically explained, “We only got them cut free of the trunk two days ago. Didn't have time to polish the faces but you can see, they are top quality.”

Mama Dragon picked up one and asked, “May I shine them for you? I promise that it will not be hurt by it.”

He nodded, “If you can without hurting them, go ahead.”

Cradling the stone in one solid arm, she breathed a gentle wash of pale blue flame across the burl while rubbing it softly with the smooth side of her other hand. In only a few minutes, she put the burl back in its box. Its face was now perfectly smooth, revealing to all the brilliant reds, blues and greens in the wonderful swirled patterns of the burl's original wood now replaced by pure opal.

She quietly went down the table repeating the feat. The rare treasures of the wood miners held every horse and pony there spellbound.

Mama pointed to the first one that she had polished and said cheerfully, “I will take that one. Now, the gold. You do have a scale don't you?”

“I do. That one is 32,000 bits for the whole thing.”

He put out a scale with a stand and two sliding weights. He set the weights and pronounced, “There. It's set for five hundred bits weight. You going to have some, um, horse go get your gold?”

“Not necessary. I have it here.” Mama Dragon opened her belt pouch and reached impossibly deep into it. She pulled out a large hand full of huge golden coins.

His eyes bugged out at the sight of them! “I have never seen coins that big! They must be near two inches across!”

He drew one across a testing slate, leaving a streak and applied the test acid to it. “These are pure gold! I'd be robbing you of 2% to take them. Let me re set my scale to give you fair value.” He fiddled with an adjustment screw on his scale. “There. Now it will read honest for you.”

Stacking coins on the scale until it balanced, he set aside the stack. Cheerfully he commented, “500 bits. Only sixty three more stacks to go!”

One of the other wood miners put out a largish box for Mama Dragon to pile her coins in and started keeping a tally as his boss weighed stacks of coins.

Mama Dragon's huge supply of coins coming from a seemingly small pouch drew nearly as much attention as the opal burls!

Finally the last stack was weighed and the last of the gold loaded into a coffer. “Do you need a receipt, Mam? Help with carrying your purchase?”

“I think that I can manage it.”

Mama Dragon took the pouch off her belt and pulled the opening wide. She stretched it over the box with her opal burl, working it around the box like a snake swallowing a large prey. At the last she tipped it up, letting the box fall inside the pouch, which resumed its original small belt pouch size. Mama Dragon attached it to her belt, and gave Wind another hug.

“I really must go home now, Kitten. I will see you again when you can properly wield Soulblade. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mama. I will miss you. Take good care of your world.”

The crowd parting in front of her and closing behind her, Mama Dragon went into Marchhare's caravan and closed the door behind her.

With Mama Dragon gone, the crowd became the usual somewhat unruly collection of ponies that anypony with brains expects around the wood miners booth. Their goods, as usual, were first rate.

Marchhare managed to get his hooves on a whole burl too. Wind and Hanar helped him to carry its box to his caravan. Wind noticed that Rose had obtained a nice plank of beautifully grain figured maple that was subtly infused with the lovely opal.

As they were opening Hanar's booth for the day, Wind wanted to know, “Hanar, you said that you might make me a staff out of Rom Blackwood? I would really appreciate that. I have not been able to work out with any weapons since I got here. I do need that discipline.”

“Then you shall have it, Wind, my love. But not until this evening, after the fair closes for the night. How big around and how long should it be?”

Wind took the time to measure out one of Hanar's woven Broadweave fabrics for a customer. The customer, a pleasant faced yellow pony with a bow in her forelock, was surprised when Wind sheared off the fabric on the cutting board. She held it in her new metal hand and sliced it free of the bolt with a claw sprung from the index finger of her flesh hand.

As she took her neatly folded purchase, a little wide eyed, she asked, “That was amazing! Do you need a knife or scissors at all?”

Hanar looked up from where she was twining more thread on her spinning wheel and replied with a grin, “Only if she needs to cut something really big! Those claws of Wind's are really sharp!”

As the Sky Dancers first tune struck up, Wind went to high alert! Her keen eyes scanned the crowd for any sign of surreptitious magic use that might endanger the performers.

What she saw instead was indeed sneaky use of magic, all right. Some pony was sliding coins out of a merchant's coin box while he was distracted by the ongoing dance in the air!

She was over the counting board in a leap! She was silently charging through the crowd of fairgoers, dodging or leaping over ponies as needful!

The first that the thief knew of his trouble was Wind landing astradle his back! Her clawed metal hand was gripping his horn! Her right arm was around his neck, claws sunk solidly into his skin, just over the major blood vessels!

Using his horn for a lever, she pulled his head around! A few coins fell to the ground, along with the surprised blue green unicorn!

Wind shifted position as he fell and landed solidly across his neck! Conversationally, she commented, “If you try to get away or use magic, I rake your horn and you won't ever use magic again. Clear?”

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[rhinokck]

Today’s side by side is Blueberry Maple Stouts. First up was Blueberry Maple Stout from Saugatuck Brewing out of Douglas, MI. This one has a lot of coffee flavor with hints of blueberry & maple in the background. Next up was Texas Breakfast from 903 Brewers out of Sherman, TX. This one has less coffee & a little more blueberry & maple; but is also much boozier in the finish (9% vs 6%).

[tadpolesonalgae]

Hey Tabby! how was your day?

So this isn't exactly ACOTAR related but I also hope it's nothing personal?

I'm guessing you're from England as you often time your posts to England time and I'm terribly curious about all things around the world and I find it soo soo interesting how easy it is—in this day and age—to sort of just communicate with all kinds of people around the world? and I love seeing the confusion between Americans and Brits when it comes to a lot of things, especially food(I really like those videos on yt where some British students try American food, albeit I'm not on yt much and have only watched like 2 or 3 of those) and I saw a short today about this dish called 'beans on toast' I believe? and someone in the comment section genuinely thought beans on toast meant plain beans on plain bread for some reason and so many Americans in the replies were kinda surprised that's not what it was? and it was kinda hilarious tbh ngl. and out of nowhere, you popped up in my mind fsr?

however, I really like learning about all these foods and dishes that are so commonplace for one set of people and never even touched by another? (in 2 decades of my life, I've never had pancakes😭 I've only ever read about them as one of the greatest breakfasts on Wattpad)

I was wondering if you have a comfort food that you like eating when you're down? do you enjoy certain cuisines? Are you ever astonished that someone in the world hasn't tasted a certain food and that they simply must? do you like beans on toast? fish and chips?(I'm sorry these are the only English dishes Ik TT)

—🫀

‘I'm guessing you're from England as you often time your posts to England’

I am indeed from England 🫢

‘and I love seeing the confusion between Americans and Brits when it comes to a lot of things, especially food’

I haven’t seen those videos, but I’ve seen ones where people compare English and American for other words like pavement vs. sidewalk, courgette vs. zucchini, aubergine vs. eggplant, and some others I can’t remember at the moment! I think I’ve also seen some where Americans react to Cockney rhyming slang, as well as some expressions/idioms which was pretty entertaining 🤭

‘and I saw a short today about this dish called 'beans on toast' I believe?’

GIRL I'VE JUST MADE DINNER AND IT'S BEANS ON TOAST

I fully squawked and had to put my phone down when l read that 😭

‘and someone in the comment section genuinely thought beans on toast meant plain beans on plain bread’

I mean, everyone has different ways, but I know one of my friends freaked out when they found out I put the cheese on top of the butter but beneath the beans so it melts and becomes soft and stringy 🫢

‘(in 2 decades of my life, I've never had pancakes😭 I've only ever read about them as one of the greatest breakfasts on Wattpad)’

Honestly I think it’s one of those things relating to association? Idk what it’s like outside of England, but in primary school (roughly ages 4-11) we always had pancake races on pancake day, and during assembly we would have pancake flipping challenges too (to be fair, it was a C of E school, so maybe that affected it a little) so there are a lot of good memories surrounding pancakes which probably adds to the flavour enhancement :)

You also aren’t supposed to have them that often because they’re unhealthy to have all the time without balance, but that made them super special since once a year you’d get to have pancakes for breakfast! 🥞 (<- I’d call these American Pancakes)

And I’d like to specify, not American pancakes that are more stout and thicker, but ones that are thin that you can roll up with lemon and sugar or maple syrup 🤤

‘I was wondering if you have a comfort food that you like eating when you're down?’

Honestly in summer probably tomatoes on bread with salt and pepper, in the autumn winter it’s definitely soup, and spring probably beans on toast because they’re just so easy to make and don’t cause a hassle 😭

‘do you enjoy certain cuisines?’

I have to admit, my palette is not particularly extensive, but because of certain choices I’ve made for what I’m willing to eat, Italian probably suits me best :)

‘Are you ever astonished that someone in the world hasn't tasted a certain food and that they simply must?’

No, because one of my friends was such a picky eater. And I mean picky.

Anyway, having grown up with that, I’m more astonished when people have no limits at all—no allergies or spice tolerance, open to trying new things—basically someone who’ll eat absolutely anything amazes me.

‘fish and chips?’

Okay I’d say I’m pretty good at trying new foods and not turning my nose up at them, but anything with fish in I physically am unable to hold down 😭 (aside from tuna 🤔) I’m okay being around fish in supermarkets and that, or if people are eating it around me, but it’s not pleasant :/

Although, I LOVE vinegar. I used to put it in my water as a child and to this day have it with pasta 🫢

Honestly I’d like to learn more meals to cook. Someone I know recently learned how to make a sauce(?)/dip(?) called baba ganoush/baba ghanouj and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever had and would love to have it more frequently if I had the time to make it because honestly it’s 🤌🤌🤌 (my mouth is currently watering)

[brews-and-pubs]

Downtown by Beer Tree, Binghamton NY

16 June 2023

This is Beer Tree's third location, but in my opinion, not their best.

Two years ago, I think, I stopped at their Farm location and loved it. The menu was small (although I think they may have increased it by now) but the food was very tasty, and the beers were enjoyable.

On the tail end of that trip, I stopped at their Factory location and have been back there a couple of times since. It's quite large as they've taken over what might have been an anchor store location at a small mall. The food is mostly wood-fired pizza, but it's very good.

Now they've opened Downtown in Binghamton. Parking isn't horrible, but it isn't super convenient although there is a parking garage not far away. There's what looks like a large rooftop deck although I couldn't look at it because of rain. Inside was interesting but not as large as I'd expected.

The food menu is small but decent -- and different from the other two locations -- and the beer list is definitely smaller than the list at the Factory. Still, the beers were worth the visit and I started with a flight:

Tree Light (far left, 4.2% Cream Ale) - I really liked this one (and took a crowler of it to enjoy during the evening). It's light but with just enough Cascade hops flavor to make it interesting.

Any Day's Haze (6.3% NEIPA) - Of the three NEIPAs in the flight, this was my favorite. They call it a "crushable every day beer" and I can't find any fault with that statement.

ROYGBIV (6.8% NEIPA) - There are a lot of bright, tropical fruit flavors in this one and it has a distinct pineapple finish. It's really refreshing and was a very close second for me to the previous NEIPA.

Tangerine Sunrise (7.1% NEIPA) - And here's where things got weird (for me). I loved the color; the taste, on the other hand, was way too heavy-handed with tangerine sweetness. I wanted to like it, and it was enjoyable, but I could never do a pint of it. Even finishing this size was harder than it should have been because it was so sweet.

After I finished eating, I opted for the 10 ounce pour of their Morning Timber - Blueberry (9% Coffee Stout) and it was ... interesting. I did enjoy it and I'm glad I ordered it, but I'd have to be in the right frame of mind to do it again (not to say that I wouldn't!). Rather than try to describe it, I'll just copy what they say about it and let you imagine it for yourself: "Maple, freshly roasted coffee, and blueberry all unite to create Morning Timber Blueberry -- the MOST robust, delicious Breakfast Stout." It's definitely a solid coffee stout with excellent mouthfeel, smooth as anything I've ever had.

I'm glad I checked out Beer Tree's new Downtown spot, but on future trips through here, I'll drop into either their Factory or Farm location and give this one a miss.

[dalekfactor]

Vermont Maple Stout Baked Beans Vermont maple syrup is combined with a Vermont maple breakfast stout, salt pork, and dried beans resulting in a sweet and savory batch of slow-cooked baked beans.

[baospodcast]

#7397 Counterpart Rise & Shine (Breakfast Club Edition) (Canada) Counterpart’s contribution to Third Moon’s Breakfast Club concept is a blended dark ale with coffee from Manic Pixie Dream, maple syrup, cinnamon and vanilla. Coming in at 7.5%, it’s a blend of 50% brown ale, 30% imperial stout and 20% double stout, then conditioned on whiskey barrel-aged coffee. Wow. It pours jet black with a beige head and sweet cold brew nose, the body is thick with vanilla and cinnamon riding alongside bitter espresso, there’s oaky booze vibes from the BA coffee, there’s dark chocolate notes, wrapping in a syrupy, sticky finish. Such a spectacular concept and brilliantly executed. (at Hamilton, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cp1qIunsbhF/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[satx-rated]

JUST TAPPED (for NBTX Mug Club). Public release Thur Feb 9th. Branded & Barreled - Banana Pancakes Belching Beaver Brewery Stout - Imperial / Double Pastry > 14.7% ABV • 0 IBU Aged in bourbon barrels and flavored with banana, whole Ugandan vanilla beans & notes of maple syrup. Breakfast Done Right! ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #bighopsnb #bighopsnbtx #nbtx #newbraunfelslife #texashillcountry #texascraftbeer #craftbeer #hoppyhour #bighops #bighopsnewbraunfels #innewbraunfels (at Big Hops New Braunfels) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoYT7cKP_4k/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[indie54-98]

Today I'll be reviewing Pumpkin Oatmeal Stout by Haus of Gloi.

It's a sweet, malty, brown sugar oatmeal with a hint of baked pumpkin. To me, it feels like sitting down for breakfast in front of a freshly made bowl of oatmeal (made with some maple for added sweetness) after a night of baking pumpkin treats. A bottle of stout from the night before sits on the kitchen counter a few feet away, a few sips left in the bottom.

It's warm, cozy, super sweet, and perfect for fall! The stout note sits right in the middle of the fragrance and isn't unwelcome, just new to me. The pumpkin sits towards the bottom, it's faint but there.

The only complaint I have is the longevity. After 30 minutes the described smell fades away into a meld of just maple and brown sugar sweetness and none of the notes that make this perfume what it is are left, unfortunately. That sweetness does last for around twelve hours on my wrist (even with me doing normal everyday things), but it's faint and has no throw.

The complaint brings this perfume down to a 3.5/5 for me.

So, would I recommend it? Only if you love super sweet fall gourmands and won't mind reapplying it pretty often. For me, it isn't worth it because I'm not a huge gourmand fan as it is, but if you are I would definitely suggest trying Pumpkin Oatmeal Stout!

The full review and breakdown is also on the blog!

[stoutwhisperer]

Love that Maple!

I’m a big fan of maple syrup….the smell, the taste, the romanticism about tapping a tree and letting the sap drain into a bucket.  All in all, it’s quite a wonderful nectar of nature. Not surprisingly, maple has become the adjunct du jour in the Stout world, and frankly, I’m thrilled.  The addition of maple syrup to an Imperial Stout adds taste, complexity,  a bit of sweetness and an amazing…

[byroniuspunk]

Yeeessssss!  Tis the season for Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout!  So, yeah, 2019 doesn’t have a lot of maple ...but, yo, it’s still there, at the coffee is on point, too.  2019 Founders CBS does.NOT.disappoint!!!

[999bottles]

343

Founders Canadian Breakfast Stout

Grand Rapids, Michigan

[joeyostrander]

#puremichigan brunch of #buckwheat pancakes, homemade #maplesyrup, and @newhollandbrew #poetsbrunchstout [___________________________] #quarantinecuisine #stout #pancakes #brunch #breakfast #maple #newholland #stayathome #stayhomestaysafe #springchill https://www.instagram.com/p/B_xnUSGjndY/?igshid=4zol7um4xcfc

[juniperfrancislee2]

Morning Mindfulness

I think I may have befriended a sparrow…a tall and lean, brown sparrow. Whenever he perches atop the deck railing, he always does so with his back straight, making him taller than the other sparrows that I see perch all squat and plump atop overhead wires and picket fences. His lanky build calls to mind Jimmy Stewart, so perhaps there’s a name in relation that will suit him and come to voice.

So this little winged friend…I say friend, but in all reality I could be sadly mistaken, as he may very well dislike my presence on the deck and see me as an interloper who has suddenly begun invading his space…my work does keep me from fully enjoying the deck during day hours for a better part of the year, and I imagine he’s grown quite comfortable during his uninterrupted time…nevertheless, this little sparrow is not fearful of my human presence on the deck, rather he’s curious and ever so vocal. If I go outside to sit for a spell, enjoying a coffee and a book, he’ll fly above my head and land on the railing a few feet to the left of the Adirondack chair, staring at me and chirping incessantly. However, Tuesday afternoon, as I was reading a book, he flew right in front of my face…so close I could feel the breeze off his wing. He then landed on the railing, staring me down and chirping. I looked for signs of a nest or of hatchlings, but nothing to support the idea he was being territorial due to parental instincts. A crow sitting atop a shaded branch in the maple located in the yard across from the deck, hopped out onto a sunny branch and cawed thrice, causing my sparrow guest to go silent and fly away. His absence was short lived, always returning to investigate why a human is present, busying herself with prepping the deck for gardens or sweeping away leaves and pollen that collect in corners and under the bench pillows.

This morning he returned as usual, only I had opted to drink my coffee and read a book at the dining room table, my back to the open French doors that lead onto the deck…the temperate weather and cool breeze that was blowing through my home, scented with sun warmed hyacinth, tulips, and new green was too blissful to ignore…but there it was, his boisterous chirping, so I rose and stood at the door listening to him from his perch atop the frame for the ambient cafe lights. I bid him good morning, he looked in at me for a few minutes more, and then flew off. I decided in that moment to leave him blueberries for breakfast.

It’s midday and he hasn’t returned for his blueberries, but I’m hoping to find that they were enjoyed when I check on them later today. The question is, will it be the sparrow to taste of their sweetness, or Chunk Norris, the stout squirrel that daily visits the deck, leaving behind tell-tale signs of his presence, and who bides his time until summer, when he blatantly ravishes the vegetables and fruits grown in containers, only to leave in their place half-chewed peanuts still in the shell and poorly buried black walnuts.

Spring always brings with it a great many promises and possibilities that tend to carry straight through into summer. Nature and the Universe communicate in symbols, synchronicities, and parallels…and with recent events in my life bearing a weight I need to unload…I’m mindful to the sparrow’s sudden appearance and familiarity being more than just a coincidence.

[fiddleabout]

What the smalls + fiddleabout origin story? 👀

THE CONTEXT:

so i was at like The Worst Job ever in los angeles post-grad school

and then i wasn’t at that job

tragic, clearly

seriously they can fuck off

i found a new job!  in new york! 

which meant i needed to…move to new york

when i texted @maladyofthequotidian​ to tell her i’d accepted the job in new york, she was visiting @smallandsundry​ at the time

and smalls, being smalls, offered to let me stay in the spare room in her apartment while i found an apartment

for a month

seriously, a month

do you know how long that is to have a stranger in your space

honestly i swooned even then

so i packed up my life in la and shipped it to new york, where i’d be staying in my friend’s friend’s spare room for a month while i started a new job working 80 hours a week and also looking for a place to live

THE MEET CUTE:

smalls was going to be out of town when i flew into nyc, so i was in the apartment for a few days before my job started and she got back

she got back literally the sunday night before my first day of work

this timing is important

so i’m on the eve of a new job after a terrible last job and nervous as hell

so i’m obviously doing what any rational person would be doing and drinking a Large Amount of scotch and reading and listening to music on my headphones in the spare room

i do not hear the door open

there is a smalls!

who is in fact very smalls

and also very cute

drunk brain: uh oh

southern brain: BE POLITE

which resulted in me, being awkward, as one does

being the southern-raised child i am i had gone out to by her a thank-you-for-letting-me-sleep-in-your-apartment-instead-of-a-ratty-airbnb-in-red-hook gift, which was beer, because she liked beer

except i didn’t know what kind of beer she liked so i got a variety, including this one, just to be safe

anyways so we’re like talking and drinking the beers

note: this is after probably 2.5 healthy pours of whiskey

and then she pulls out the palinka 

which

if you don’t

tastes like someone dumped rotten fermented plums in maple syrup and then set them on fire for a while

and she’s like

in my country

when someone stays in your home

you offer them some of this 

hospitality etc etc

so obviously my deeply southern ass who would be staying in a ratty airbnb if not for this kind stranger is like of COURSE let me try it 

and then

and then

she watches as i pour this truly revolting liquor like i would pour whiskey

and drink all of it

for context this is not poured in large quantities at all

and by large quantities i mean like more than a few ounces at a time

which she importantly did not tell me

so i drink it

and am Very Drunk

and then she pulls out the aforementioned 16.5% imperial stout beer

which let me tell you

that beer was not cheap

not remotely

it’s by a british brewery that’s always marked up absurdly in the us

and i was so broke

she cracks it open and takes one sip and is like ew gross

bc as i know now: smalls is a hops girl

i am also a hops girl but i’m also also a stout girl

so

:|

she’s like ew i don’t want this and i’m like but mONEY

so i do the only reasonable thing and drink it

again: this is, at this point, at like 11:30 pm the night before my first day at a new job

so i drink it

and am drunk

like so drunk

so is smalls even though she had zero palinka and zero whiskey and one sip of this monster beer, because smalls is small and wee and gets drunk on 2.5 beers

cue the guilt for smalls

i looked very pathetic

and she promises to wake up early the next morning

at like six

after a transatlantic flight

and drinking

to make me breakfast before my first day of work

and she does

bacon and eggs and coffee, the whole shebang

and i’m doing fine until like 10:30 in the middle of orientation

and then the hangover hits me

and by hangover i mean i’m on the 50th floor of a skyscraper and i can feel every footstep from ever pedestrian on park avenue

seriously i was d y i n g

and she was like you made your choices

and i was like >:(

but also internally i was like 

uh oh

THE REST:

i found an apartment and moved out at the end of the month

smalls helped me move all my shit to brooklyn

and then separately went all the way deep into red hook to pick up a desk i’d bought on craigslist and hauled it all the way across brooklyn on the subway

if you’ve never taken the new york subway then i can’t actually provide context for you but that was A Lot

especially because it was in february

and we were still hanging out at her apartment most nights anyways

it was easier to get to than mine from where i was working, okay

that was my justification and i will stand by it til the end of time

and one time me being me

if you haven’t been here long then you might not have realized that i have the emotional maturity and accordant sense of humor of a punny fifteen year old boy

aka it’s mostly bad puns and fart jokes and a whole lot of incredibly terrible double entendres

made one of the millions of cringe-worthy double entendres that i always do

and smalls was like not until the third date

and i was like so let met take you on a date

importantly

i would like to note

this was the smoothest thing i have ever done

nothing will ever live up to it

and smalls’s response was to stare at me like :| for a good six seconds without saying anything

cue panic

i was nine thousand percent sure i’d just ruined a new friendship

you know that thing in avengers where dr strange is like i’ve gone through 14 billion ways this could end and only one of them works out?

i was sure that i’d just dropped a nuke on my one scenario

and then finally she’s like sure okay

completely oblivious to the panic journey i’d just taken

:|

anyways a whole lot of concerts and dates, one (1) attempt at krav maga murdering me, a bunch of time spent to figuring out how we can both sleep in the same bed without me flinging one of the pillows onto the floor or smalls kicking me in the kidneys, and four and a half years later we’re getting married

THE END

[thefallenprinces-blog]

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