#many such specific things but they’re such a headache to deal with because they won’t agree to things individually

[kaitobromota]

can you guys tell i have thh survivors brainrot right now. augh. them being dependent and protective of each other, especially when they have doubts in the future foundation from the moment they’re rescued.

[theeoriginals]

could you do elijah with a catwoman type of reader? she likes the finer things, she's flirty/loves the chase, and whatever else you think fits! maybe they've been seeing each other secretly (like when katherine/elijah were doing it secretly in tvd lmao) OR they meet for the first time (e.g., she steals something from him and gets caught but gets away and she's hints at seeing him again next time) this is so specific but do whatever you want with it!!

cat and mouse | elijah mikaelson

author's note; this was so fun thank u for requesting <3

warnings: witch!female!reader, tension, abruptish ending bc I didn't know how to drag it out more, brief shapeshifting but I like barely touch on it, because it's sort of inconsequential to the story. reader is close with Klaus, but it's purely platonic! honestly could class this at love at first sight, with how I wrote elijah. fluff, just some heavy make outs, nothing too graphic. reader is flirty and confident!! no use of y/n!

There’s an inherent seductiveness to wearing a mask. It’s almost more vulnerable than just showing your face, because you have to rely on your words, your wit, to get the job done. Of course, there isn’t any specific job she’s needing to get done tonight, but she tries to never attend these sorts of things without a personal mission of some kind.

She gets bored, is the thing. 

Even though she's got everything she could ever want and more, she gets bored and she can't help what happens after that. It's a bad habit, she knows. Her friends always laugh, hiding their smirks and smiles behind her hands when they come over and see the newest shiny thing that wasn't there before. When they hear of a shadow that terrorizes people, seemingly at random. 

It's harmless, though. She's never hurt anyone by doing it. She just laughs a little and maybe she stays the night with some of them, and gets what she wants and more. Cures that boredom in a few different ways. 

It’s started to creep in again, that feeling. It’s why she’s here in the first place. Klaus is a friend, but she tries to keep out of his hijinks for her own safety. Most people here in New Orleans know better than to pledge loyalty to the hybrid, because no one around him is safe for long, even his own family. 

That’s the premise of tonight’s party, according to Klaus. Reuniting his family for what seems like the hundredth time. She feels it’s starting to lose its emotional impact, what with how many times he’s daggered and undaggered them, treating them like they’re pets or something. But she doesn’t voice any of this to Klaus, because she’s smarter than that, and she isn’t equipped to deal with the thousands of years of family drama between the Originals. 

It seems odd to have a masquerade ball as a welcome home party, but she digresses. It’s pointless to question his motives, and it causes her more of a headache than anything. It’s easier to just enjoy herself, and even easier than that to try and find a cure to her boredom. 

It's starting to settle in like a fog of some sort, except it's not hazy or particularly tiring, it's more like steam. Like a hot sauna, soaking the surface of her skin, leaving her panting, thirsty. 

So she leaves the relative safety of the open bar, and lifts her chin up, keeping her shoulders in a stiff line so that people move for her, because she certainly won’t move for them. 

She’s nearly through the dance floor when she’s stopped by a firm hand on her wrist, and her arm is extended with the light tug just before she twists around, braced to deal with whatever idiot has grabbed her. 

She stops short at the sight of the man, only half of his face covered by a mask unlike hers that shields everything real about her except her eyes. 

There’s a smirk on his lips, like he’s amused by something, but she can’t fathom what by. “Excuse me?” She raises a brow, incredulous expression hidden by the mask on her face. It’s rather flimsy, overall, but the rhinestones placed strategically around it juxtapose the sleek black dress draped over her frame, making her appear as nothing more than a shadow. 

“You’re not leaving yet, are you?” 

The voice is unfamiliar, and she loathes the thought that a stranger is teaching her with such familiarity. “I wasn’t aware it mattered,” She gestures vaguely with her other hand, reminding herself of the rather loose grip he has on her wrist. “The party will go on without me, I’m sure.” 

The man ducks his head in a conceding nod, but the smirk on his face has done nothing but get bigger the longer she entertains this odd interaction. “You’ve hardly danced all night.” 

She knows he can’t see the twist of curiosity on her face, but her body must portray it anyways, because he’s immediately elaborating. 

“I’ve had my eye on you,” He says, accented voice a lulling drawl. She’s sure it would put anyone under a spell, given the chance. “I couldn’t let you leave without getting at least one dance, and perhaps your name.” 

“Awfully presumptuous of you,” She notes, though she closes a bit of the distance between them, suddenly interested in the proposition. “I’ll give you a dance, but you’ll have to convince me for a name. I don’t give that out to strangers.” 

He nods again, pulling her to him, closing the rest of the distance between them. “Of course,” 

It’s easy to fall into step with him, practically painted against his chest, there’s no real rhythm to what they’re doing, but it’s working. She’s staring into his eyes from behind the shadowy mask, and he’s looking into hers, like he’ll get every answer he wants from them. 

“So,” He starts, blinking slowly like he doesn’t want to spare a split second from them just in case he misses something. “Do you know anyone here, or are you just here by word of mouth?” 

“I’m familiar with the host,” She says carefully, noticing the way his eyes darken with a hint of surprise. “He’s a friend. I do business with him, sometimes.” 

He seems to see the deeper meaning behind her words. “I wasn’t aware he had many friends of your variety these days,” 

“Oh, he doesn’t,” She says, smirking beneath the mask at the short chuckle that leaves him. “But I suppose there’s an exception to everything. It works for us. I’m still alive, after all. Not many can usually say that after dealing with him.” 

The man’s mouth twists wryly. “I can’t disagree with that.” 

“You’ve obviously got something in common with him, too,” She notes plainly, leveling the playing field between them about information they can peel out of each other without really saying anything. “Perhaps he has more friends than either of us are aware of.” 

“He’s got plenty of secrets up his sleeves, I’m sure of that.” 

He turns them suddenly, hand spanning across the open back of her dress, and she can’t stop the quiet gasp that spills from her lips, hopefully muffled by the mask, though the slight twitch of his fingers against the bare skin of her back says he heard it loud and clear. 

“If I give you my name, may I have yours?” She asks suddenly, aware of the song playing for their dance coming to an end sooner, rather than later. “A fair trade.” 

“I am nothing if not fair,” 

She hums, though she partially doubts his words. He’s shown in the past few minutes that he can play any game she plays, just as easily. 

They dip into the shadows for a moment, ducking out of the colorful lights flashing on the makeshift dance floor, and she makes a decision quickly.

She lays her hand flat against his chest, skating her nails along the pieces of his suit as she slides up his neck and to his jaw, moving fast to push the mask off his face as her other hand rips her own off. 

She doesn’t give him time to blink, or get a real look at her face before she’s smashing their lips together, squeezing her eyes shut as he backs her further into the darkness. She twists them just before they hit the wall, relishing in the way his breath is knocked from his lungs. It doesn’t seem to bother him for long, because he’s drawing her back in, sighing against her lips like she’s just breathed life back into him. 

She skirts her hands all around his lithe frame, feeling the muscles that tense under her touch, hidden but not unnoticeable by the lines of his tailored suit. She drags her nails up under his jacket, rustling the neatly tucked fabric, and pulls her lips away from his mouth to drop down to his jaw, flicking a sharp canine against his jaw and delighting in the choked off noise that breaks from his throat. 

She hides her face in the curve of his throat, leaving marks that disappear almost immediately as she makes them. Panting for breath, she clenches her hands where they lay on his waist. “What’s your name?” 

He licks his spit-swollen lips, head thrown back against the wall as he tries to collect what little of himself he’s got left. “Elijah,” 

“Elijah,” She echoes, tongue curling prettily around the syllables of his name. “Elijah.” 

“Yours,” He says, calloused fingers digging into the exposed skin from her dress. “What’s your name?” 

“My name,” She says, pressing her lips to the shell of his ear, smile practically audible. “Is a secret.” 

Before Elijah can even let out his next breath, every point of pleasure she’s got on him disappears, and he’s left feeling abruptly cold. He rips his eyes open, blinking as they adjust to the bleak lighting, and his chest heaves as he looks around for any piece of that mask, or that dress. Strains his ears to hear the breath of her voice, the pulse that drowned out every song playing. 

She’s nowhere to be found. Elijah tries to be annoyed, but a smile grows on his lips and he can’t help but slump against the wall as he attempts to fix his suit where it’s been tugged at and wrinkled amidst their brief burst of passion. 

A smear of lipstick lingers on his skin, and her intoxicating scent drifts in the natural breeze. 

His curiosity is a dangerous thing. 

────── 

She sets out on a familiar path, forgoing her flesh tones and simpering smiles for four legs and a sleek black coat. She covers more ground like this, makes her way to the Quarter and past all of the usual mess happening. No one really looks twice at her in this form– it's how she prefers things, for the most part. 

There's a specific brand of chaos that she's seeking, and she hears the familiar echo of the man's voice as she approaches the compound. If she could smirk like this, she would, but as it is, all she can do is reveal the two sharp fangs that hang down onto the sides of her mouth and pick up her pace ever so slightly. 

The door to his study is open and she sees him pacing back and forth, talking loudly to no one in particular. She isn't sure if there's other people in the house right now, but it certainly wouldn't be the first time she caught Klaus talking to himself. 

He seems to notice her just as she leaps onto his desk, shuffling the stack of stationary sitting atop it. 

"Oh, good, and now you're here to bother me," He stops his pacing, turning to face the black cat sitting primly on the desk. "What is it you want?" 

She stares blankly at him and he rolls his eyes, face set in that familiar glare that's basically tattooed on his features. 

"I don't know why you bother with this," He gestures at her, rolling his eyes again. "The sooner you're in a form I can actually speak to, the sooner I can get you out of my house and back into the Quarter, wreaking havoc on those who have wronged me." 

She can't help the sudden desire she has to irritate him just a bit more, so she bats a leg out and kicks a ceramic figurine off the edge of his desk, watching his fists clench at his sides frustratedly as it shatters. 

Yawning dramatically, she flicks her tail out and perches on the edge of his desk, shaking off the sudden change in appearance as he glares at her, entirely unamused by the whole act. 

"What do you want?" 

She huffs, ever so dramatic, and pushes off his desk, walking around him to drape her arms over his shoulders and dig her chin into the muscles there. 

"I'm bored, Klaus. And nobody likes it when I get bored." 

He sighs, entirely put upon at her dramatics. "What do you suggest I do about that?" 

"What's got you so tense? Maybe I can help with that, hm?" She tries, digging her nails into his skin through the fabric of his shirt. 

"My generosity has come back to haunt me," 

His words earn an immediate laugh from her and she peels herself off of his back, walking across the study to throw herself down onto the couch, laying an arm over her eyes. "Oh, yes, your generosity, which you are so well known for. What have you done now?" 

“Must everything be my fault? It could very well be someone else, you know,” 

She lifts her arm from her face, giving him an entirely unamused look that he dutifully ignores. 

“You know,” He starts again, earning a quiet groan from her that he ignores just as easily. “I undaggered my siblings because I thought they would be less upset with me after all this time. I threw them a party! I gave them access to as many humans as I could!” 

“Oh, I know– how could anyone ever hold a grudge for being stuck in a box for hundreds of years because their brother didn’t want to have a moral compass?” 

He glares at her and she pushes up from the couch, stretching her limbs as she goes. “How about you just let them be mad at you, and you give me the name of one of those people who have supposedly wronged you?” 

Klaus sighs, but he gives in easily, just like she knew he would. It’s why they work so well together. He can’t resist her inherent desire to make a mess. 

────── 

The Quarter is as lively as ever, but the energy is always different when the sun goes down. She likes it better this way, when the tourists have returned to their hotel rooms, scared off by enough local legends that they don’t dare wander too far in fear of being sucked into some magical nightmare. 

She likes when the nocturnal things come out to play, because it means there’s so much less attention on her, and what she’s doing. It makes it easier to get things done, this way. 

She’s nursing a drink at the bar in Rousseau’s, unable to resist the draw this place has for witches and vampires alike. It’s mostly seen as a neutral ground, because no one’s willing to risk a place to get good food and drinks over a turf war. 

She’s been making eyes at a boy across the room, quickly looking away when he catches her eye, hiding a bashful smile in her drink. It’s a fun game to play, and it grows easier with every passing minute to lure them in. Even if there’s something off about her, they can’t resist it. Like a mouse walking straight into a trap, just for a bite of the cheese. 

It doesn’t take much longer for the boy, Ethan, to approach her. He’s got a smirk on his face, and he’s obviously under the impression that this is a sure thing. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but,” He shifts, setting his drink down on the bar next to hers. “I saw you looking at me from over here.” 

She swirls the straw in her drink around a few times, looking up at him from beneath her lashes. “Is that all it took? Me looking at you?” 

He chuckles, moving to stand more directly in front of her. “Well, you seemed a little lonely, sitting here all by yourself,” 

She sits up in her seat, smirking. “Are you going to fix that for me?” 

“That will be all, thank you, Ethan.” The strikingly familiar voice comes from behind her, and she instantly slumps in her seat, a wry, defeated smile twisting onto her lips despite how much she tries to stop it. 

The boy in front of her straightens up, defensive at the sudden rejection, but as soon as he sees who it is standing behind her, he backs down. His eyes flicker to her, and she flutters her finger in a wave, dismissing him easily as the man quickly takes his place standing before her. 

“That wasn’t very kind of you, Elijah,” She says, taking a sip of her drink. “I was doing business with him. Your brother’s business.”

“You were a very difficult woman to find, do you know that?” 

She raises her glass to him in a mocking toast. “And yet here you are,” 

“Is that what my brother considers business these days? Usually that sort of exchange was reserved for his closest confidants,” 

“A good businessman is always adapting,” She shrugs, watching his eyes roam her face, committing every part of it to memory. “Did you find me for any particular reason, Elijah? Or am I just honored to have the company of an Original,” 

“You stole my watch,” He says, looking anything but upset. “And a button, of all things. Now, the button I’m less worried about, but the watch is an antique.” 

She hums, eyes narrowing at his easy going demeanor. “You spent all this time tracking me down over an antique watch? Forgive me for my assumptions, but I don’t believe that.” 

He nods, still smiling fondly, like she hasn’t been almost entirely antagonistic to him since their first meeting. “I also want your name.” 

“Surely you know my name by now,” She says, huffing a disbelieving laugh. “You couldn’t have found me otherwise.” 

“I do,” He nods again. “But I want to hear it from you. A fair trade, and all.” 

She heaves a sigh, pushing to her feet off the chair to stand before him, once again practically glued to the front of him. “A man of your word, I see,” 

He hums an agreeing noise. “Even when we have nothing else, we have our word. I’m also not one to go back on a deal. I don’t like loose ends.” 

“That’s a shame, I love loose ends,” She grins widely, earning a chuckle from him that says he’s nothing but charmed. “Follow me.” 

She gestures towards the door, and Elijah is quick to fall into step behind her, though she isn’t sure if it’s her past disappearing act or something else that has him so keen to do as she says. 

They step outside into the humid, but cooling air, and she glances up at the pale moon above them, feeling every bit of warmth from it that one would get from the sun. 

“I’m curious to know how you found me,” She says, looking at him as he walks beside her down the mostly-empty sidewalks. 

He sighs, pushing his hands into the pockets of his suit pants, looking every bit as pressed and pretty as he did at the party. “I thought about asking around at first, of course, but I figured if you wouldn’t even share your name with me, the second you caught wind of someone asking about you, you’d become harder to find.” 

“Smart man,” 

He hums, and smiles. “My brother, his girlfriend, is a witch. I asked her for a favor. You left your mask at the party, so,” 

“Foiled by a simple tracking spell,” She says, putting on an air of defeat that has him chuckling, her following suit shortly after. “I appreciate your tenacity, Mr. Mikaelson. Not many want to play my games,” 

“Is that what it was, then? A game?” 

“Of sorts,” She says, coming to a stop at the steps that lead up to her little apartment. “It’d be quite bold of me to play a game of cat and mouse with an Original, don’t you think?” 

He steps closer to her, eyes narrowing as he tilts his head, examining her. “I think that you seem to know quite a bit about me and my family, but I’ve just barely scratched the surface of you.” 

She steps closer to him, the tips of her shoes hitting his. “I do owe you my name, don’t I?” 

“A deal’s a deal,” 

She echoes his words softly, already pressing up on her toes to meet him halfway. “A deal’s a deal.” 

There’s much less fervor in this kiss than the last, but no lack of passion. It seems to strike them both breathless, and she finds herself leaning into him, wrapping a hand around the end of his neatly knotted tie to pull him in impossibly closer. 

A split second later, she forces herself to pull away, sighing shakily as she looks into his lustful, deep gaze. She whispers her name quietly, watching his pupils blow out as it carries between them. He echoes it back, just as quietly, and she nods, hand still wrapped in his tie, where his are still clutching her waist, keeping her from running again. 

“Is that all, then?” She asks, voice still a whisper, like she’s afraid to break whatever has settled between them. “A deal’s a deal.” 

“What’s that you said earlier?” He sighs, chest heaving with the breath. “A businessman is always adapting.” 

He pulls her back into him, catching the corner of her mouth with his lips before he realigns, barely parting for a second to press repeated kisses to her soft lips that taste like the sugary drink she’d had at the bar. “Besides,” He breathes in between kisses. “You still have my watch.” 

She laughs into the next kiss, and it spills out into the night, making him let out his own laugh that sounds just as utterly besotted as hers. 

He forgets about the watch. But by the time he remembers it, he figures there’s no harm in letting her keep it. If only to have an excuse to see her again. 

[animasend]

  this is more for myself as a sort of ref than anything else but i wanted to make a post outlaying the specifics of olga’s amnesia and its bearing on how she acts towards others in spirale

these will be sectioned up for an easier reading but just [dumps all my feelings here], under read more too for length!

 in regards to her memories when she was human:

she remembers not a single thing. i said it before vaguely but specifically, olga has no memories of her life up to and including the events of fuyuki. her father, the mage’s association, chaldea, the clock tower, everything and anything in-between memory wise just does not exist for her. they’re poof, gone, completely erased. ( the reason for this isn’t said but i have a suspicion it’s a side-effect of the 100 years of torture at humanity’s hands inside of chaldeas.)

this means that, in regards to people from fate and especially those with ties to what is stated above, olga will have no idea what you are talking about upon mentioning it to her. she may get a vague feeling (like when just hearing fujimaru’s name caused her annoyance) but that is the absolute extent of it.

in regards to herself, she also remembers and knows nothing of her life as a human. the name ‘animusphere’ means nothing to her. along with that, it also means her complicated feelings at her feeling unworthy of being an animusphere, her dad issues (because she has the ok ), her mentality to be a mage and failing, her inferiorty complex, her intense self-loathing and the like are also gone. some of these facets remain though they are dimmed or altered to a degree ( for instance, she still knows she can be a coward and aggressive and a pain to deal with it and also lashes out verbally, particularly toward others complimenting her)

this is why olga will say the olga others knew is gone because she is not the same anymore in so many ways and would rather the other understands that as quickly as possible

in regards to her spirale memories

for olga, memories of what happened in the city will initially always have this hazy fog over them. she cannot recall specifics and too will only have vague feelings when it comes to them or anything that is tied to the memory. now, it is possible for the memory to become ‘clearer’ if the other is specific enough or rather insistent on trying to get her to remember but the process won’t be a plasant one, as anytime olga tries to remember she will find herself with a headache and grow incredibly annoyed and irate.

when it comes to people she knew prior to the change, it will behave in much the same way as her memories. all olga will recall is their name, their face, and some sensation on what she considered them to be to her. over time, it;s possible to get her to recall what lays beyond the hazy fog, but she won’t be as warm initially as she was prior to the change. this especially when it comes to others who are human, as due to what she suffered, olga isn’t sure how they can be kind and won’t be too trusting right off the bat either. but it’s not you ok she just has complicated feelings toward the species that. you know. kinda fucked her up! fun times!

however if the character is close enough to olga, she’ll be able to recall some specific memories but if i had to put it into numbers, about 30% she can recall while the other 70% starts off hazy. so it wouldn’t be too uncommon to catch her staring as more often than not, she’s trying to put together the pieces of some incomplete memory which also will be common, some memories being only fragmented

in regards to her personality

as stated above, she won’t be too trusting with humans, ranging from stand-offish to cold to suspicious and sometimes downright cruel. there are very....very few humans she’ll tolerate (fujimaru and mashu as an example, even though mashu is a demi-servant) but the rest are all on thin ice as they say. she will be not necessarily ‘polite’ (she’ll give a backhanded compliment faster than you can blink and then insult you and then praise you) but won’t attack them on sight. unless you give her a reason to. please don’t (do) give her a reason to

she hated being lied to before the change and hates it still, perhaps to a larger degree. though their intentions might have been good, when chaldea lied to her and hid the truth from her during the events of lb7, it had obviously upset her. and it will even more now as she can quite easily tell when she’s being lied to. the same can be said for hiding the truth from her as well

when it comes to people she deemed as friends before the change, she’ll be a tad distant. this is due to her, you know, knowing she is not the same anymore but also because they will be expecting someone different and she is aware of that. to her, she likens it to being seen as a stranger in another’s skin, having olga’s voice and body but being nothing like her and this leads to her being so insistent that they are not the same. so if one were to say she’s the same, it will anger her because they are not listening but she also doesn’t expect anyone to understand her situation and won’t look for that (it’s the flavors of the came back wrong + come back as a shadow, as a dream trope and i’m ill)

[sickstarlight]

different causes of sickness

a friend had asked me for some advice on how I write differences between different types of sickness or reasons someone could get sick! so I typed up a reference of details I try to keep in mind in my writing. not by any means meant to be comprehensive but these are some of the more common things I see used or use myself!

eta: if you found this interesting or useful consider tipping me on kofi (/jallyns) or getting a $5 commission so I can fix my computer

drinking related:

drank too much: everyone’s threshold for this is going to be different obvs both in terms of how much alcohol they need and how wasted they’re able/willing to be before getting sick. also ime you have to be QUITE drunk for being drunk alone to make you sick, to the point where it may be dangerous, so personally I like this combined with something else - motion, something not sitting right in their stomach, etc - but it can be good otherwise too. probably the first thing the character will notice or be aware of if they have any warning is that being drunk stops feeling good at this point. they might feel flushed and/or clammy and will probably feel dizzy, their mouth might feel really dry depending on what they’ve been drinking. this is probably also the point where they recognize they have limited control of their body, feet might feel too heavy to move or head might be spinning, may feel very clumsy and suddenly become AWARE of it.

they might FEEL motion sick even if they’re not moving too because their motion sense is fucked at this point. might feel heavy but this is likely to be a whole body heaviness NOT just their stomach (though they might be very aware of it); might or might not be able to place the feeling of nausea. maybe burping but it depends on what they’ve been drinking (carbonated or not, mixed with soda, etc) and what else they ate! they MIGHT feel okay after throwing up but their friend probably shouldn’t let them drink anymore even if they do.

also this might come with very little warning, they may go from feeling fine and giggling with their friends to suddenly feeling Wrong to hurling all over the floor in a matter of minutes or even a few seconds. if they have friends with them who have been with them drunk regularly, depending on who’s more sober their friends might notice they look unsteady and/or queasy before they realize they don’t feel well.

other good things here: alcohol that tastes so strong it’s all they can taste when they throw it back up, feeling dizzy but not placing it as nauseous right away, feeling like their head is too heavy to lift. reeling on their feet when a drink hits them too hard and feeling the whole room spin.

drank too quickly - more likely to come on SUPER suddenly, but they’ll probably recognize it right away (unless they’ve already been drinking) because the alcohol hasn’t had time to get to their brain yet. so with gradually drinking more than they should they will get drunk first and THEN get sick, but if they drink too much too fast right off the bat they’ll start to feel some effects probably but they’ll also know pretty quick that their drinks aren’t gonna stay down.

hung over - throwing up from a hangover is a combination of a buildup of alcohol byproducts in the stomach, and the stomach lining being irritated + producing more acid. a headache is also a significant part of the misery of a hangover but (unlike a migraine, where the pain directly leads to vomiting) isn’t necessarily related to any queasiness, so the headache might get worse with sound, light, or movement, but their stomach likely won’t. they might feel a little like they have heartburn (or actually GET some acid reflux) from acid buildup, and their stomach might be sore or feel too warm as well as being upset. 

the only real cure for a hangover is slow sips of clear fluids and bland foods to help settle the stomach and reduce the acid, but lots of people swear by other things - certain kinds of foods, drinking more alcohol, etc, so that’s something you can have fun with! depending on how much alcohol is still in their bloodstream, they might also still feel a little drunk/tipsy and have some issues with their balance, thinking clearly, etc, which could make the nausea worse; also some people might always get sick from hangovers but others might not so consider how your character deals with that! They also might wake up sick, or feel sick right away, or might not feel sick at all until trying to get some fluids or take meds for their headache (especially since ibuprofen/aspirin also irritate the stomach lining).

food related:

ate too much -  character will likely feel bloated and tight, food might feel heavy in their stomach. depending on what they’re stuffed with there might be burping esp if there’s a lot of gas in their stomach, or a lot of gagging and unproductive dry heaving if it’s very heavy/solid. might need to drink something to get anything up, or have help from someone, or might just take a while to finally puke as their overstuffed stomach struggles to break down their meal enough that their stretched out muscles can get anything moving. any firm pressure on the stomach is gonna feel worse and likely to make them gag even if they’re not ready to throw up yet. maybe weak strained tummy noises as they try to digest. (side note if a lot of their stomach contents are liquid like soup, drinks, etc they’ll throw that up a lot faster; also a good excuse to discuss sloshing/jostling/swirling around in their tummy)

ate too quickly - ties in well to eating too much since it’s easy eating in a hurry to not realize you’re full until it’s already a little late - eating or drinking anything too fast can also make some people’s stomachs hurt or get upset in general, and is an easy way to end up swallowing a lot of air which can obviously lead to feeling much more full and tight with lots of burping that could easily bring up more!

ate something bad - this could be rotten, poorly prepared, or just something that upsets their stomach but what it is might change the feeling of it so there’s definitely variety here. probably also feels heavy but more localized, like they can feel the specific food they ate and where it’s settled in their stomach. might also be painful and cause cramping and tenderness. imo nausea from this is more likely to come in waves and recede but might also be more readily recognizable as nausea. some things I like in this scenario - character thinking about what they ate and feeling worse, imagining they can feel individual parts of their food in their stomach, burping and tasting what they ate (possibly noticing the taste having gone sour / etc in their stomach). good place to describe stuff like how greasy smt was/feeling the grease coating their stomach, or otherwise talk about the specific way the food feels in their tummy and how much it makes them want to puke. unlike with eating too much, they’re likely not to feel better until ALL of the offending food is out of their stomach (while with overeating, they may throw up a few times and then start to feel better once there’s less pressure on their stomach).

general notes - if something the character ate is what’s making them feel sick, a lot of focus on hyperawareness of how much food is in their stomach/how heavy it feels are gonna be big sensory things (as well as maybe taste, pressure/tightness, stomach contents moving around)

illness

appendicitis - if you’re looking for something more serious than food poisoning or a stomach bug, this is sure to end up with a character in the hospital as they’ll need surgery! the big distinguishing thing is pain, which will be sharp and located on the lower right side of the abdomen (or may start near the navel and move down). any kind of exertion or sudden muscle movement can make the pain worse. if the character or one of their caretakers is knowledgeable and suspects appendicitis, they might do the rebound test, which causes pain to get drastically worse AFTER placing pressure on the area and releasing it. sickness usually begins after the pain starts and may get worse when something exacerbates the pain as well.

in addition to nausea and vomiting, other symptoms can include fever, bloating, and bowel issues (either diarrhea or constipation), which will usually get worse over the course of the infection. if the character is treated soon enough (within 2-3 days) they’ll usually feel better after surgery and recover relatively quickly, but if they’re not seen by a doctor and the appendix ruptures they’ll likely need more extensive treatment including antibiotics and a longer hospital stay to make sure they won’t develop sepsis. (in some cases, symptoms could seem to suddenly go away when the appendix ruptures because it releases pressure, but worse symptoms would rapidly develop!)

rarely, there’s also such thing as chronic appendicitis, where milder symptoms may appear and recede over the course of weeks or months before developing into acute appendicitis and prompting surgery.

coughs, colds, strep, etc - can all cause vomiting as secondary symptoms thanks to postnasal drip, throat irritation, or forceful coughing. serious enough throat irritation or buildup of mucus can make a character gag, or feel the need to, and so can coughing up phlegm from their chest. if they’re sniffly and have their sinuses draining down the back of their throat, they may end up swallowing a lot of mucus too which can make them feel nauseous as their stomach gets full of sticky snot. I think these work best as emeto scenarios for characters with weak gag reflexes!

food poisoning - separate from eating something bad because food poisoning from a virus or bacteria is a longer lasting illness with a later onset; the character may first get sick within a few hours of eating the contaminated food, or it may incubate and make them sick within a day or two. like stomach flu (also frequently foodborne) many types can cause both vomiting and diarrhea, but symptoms vary depending on specific cause. characters also might puke early on and then develop more symptoms and become sicker later as bacteria multiply and produce toxins, and may take several days to recover from the later onset where they could have persistent nausea, or might feel okay and even regain their appetite if they don’t try to eat  but be unable to keep much or any food down. most types of food poisoning also cause pain, swelling, bloating, and cramping, usually in the lower part of the stomach and upper intestines, so those are other symptoms your character might have to deal with in addition to puking!

stomach flu - character may be feverish or achy as well as nauseous while their body fights the infection, which is an additional great source of hurt/comfort fuel! can cause both vomiting and diarrhea, so even food they manage to keep down might still sting them later. because it directly causes irritation and inflammation in the stomach and lower GI tract, character might throw up frequently or after every meal, or might be able to handle clear fluids but no solids, or some bland foods but nothing with significant sugar, spices, or fat. they also might only be able to drink or eat in very small amounts without bringing it back up. their stomach may hurt and feel like it’s cramping even if they haven’t tried to eat, and they may get only very brief relief of nausea after each time they’re sick because it reduces the immediate pressure on the stomach but not the inflammation; they might feel nauseous constantly or end up dry heaving even when there’s nothing in their stomach, and might need to keep a basin of some kind nearby for a couple of days since they can’t be sure if they’re done. dehydration is a common complication and can cause headaches, weakness, and dizziness in addition to other symptoms! the most common stomach virus, norovirus, is also EXTREMELY contagious, and virus particles can aerosolize and scatter widely during vomiting, so the caretaker may not be safe either.

injury, other medical

anaesthesia - people react to this in all kinds of ways but getting sick is really common so it can be combined with just about any reaction. character might be disoriented or dizzy and have trouble with balance, walking, other coordinated movement. some might be really confused and have trouble communicating their ideas clearly or say things that might not make any sense to other characters. from the anaesthetized character’s perspective though they’re  probably making total sense so it can also be fun to include their muddled thought process and what they’re feeling or thinking that they express in weird ways! other characters might feel pretty clearheaded and be able to communicate clearly though. they might feel “light” or like they're floating, or very  detached from their body; this may cause more dizziness and vertigo. they may also be cold they might feel nauseous right away and persistently from the anaesthetic irritating their stomach, or might only get sick from moving that makes the “floating” feeling worse. general anaesthetic is usually used for surgery so if they aren’t immediately nauseous the character can also wake up really hungry from fasting before, so eating too much or too quickly might also make them realize they’re nauseous and end up with them puking.

concussion - there are a lot of reasons someone might get sick from a concussion, but the most common (non threatening) are vertigo / vestibular disturbance and headaches! the character might  get nauseous or throw up when they turn too quickly or stand up too fast if their balance center is disrupted, or might have head pain similar to a migraine that makes them sick and can have similar sensitivities. mild concussions without other complications can still last up to a week after the injury, but the character should get sick less and less often as time goes on, so the most intense phase for sickness caused by a concussion is shortly after it happens! Frequently repeated or prolonged bouts of vomiting are often signs of more serious injury though, so if you’re keeping it mild they should probably be brief and a little spaced out even early on, though a character might have intermittent nausea between them. other symptoms of concussion are important too here - big ones are short term amnesia, loss of coordination, difficulty concentrating, and confusion. they might also hear ringing in their ears or sometimes have visual disturbances like in migraines! 

migraine - the pain from migraines can directly cause vomiting, especially when it’s at its peak, but it might also be caused by aura effects on balance and vision! (some people get tunnel vision or “kaleidoscope” vision with migraines, some just get dizzy, some people even hallucinate strong smells or tastes which could also lead to nausea!) for some people, the headache gets better after throwing up, but not everyone; they also might or might not feel the buildup of nausea or persistent nausea throughout their migraine, or alternately might retch or throw up almost IMMEDIATELY when any trigger makes their pain worse (common triggers are bright or flashing light, loud or high pitched sounds, strong smells, and sudden movement, but people have lots of different triggers so they can be a lot of things!) many people can’t chase off a migraine until after they’ve slept so you might also include them trying to get comfortable only to have their head start hurting worse or their stomach get upset and make them scramble to get over the trash bin.

motion sickness - anyone can get motion sick but some people are more prone to it than others! so you might have characters who always get motion sick in any moving vehicle, or who are okay in cars but can’t travel on water, or who only get sick with intense movement like on roller coasters - or characters who aren’t prone to motion sickness in general, but discover they get it when fatigued, anxious, etc. different characters might also experience it differently - for some there may be a cycle of gradual buildup of nausea until it becomes unbearable and they throw up, while for others it might come on suddenly, or they might have low level nausea throughout a trip but only puke when there’s a more sudden or violent movement. some people also only get motion sick after a period of time, and might be fine on short trips but get sick if they’re traveling longer.

other notes: many people who get carsick don’t get sick if they’re driving! being able to get fresh air also helps many people, as well as focusing on the horizon if possible. some people prone to motion sickness will also experience the opposite when sitting still but watching movement onscreen like in a video game. likewise, reading or looking at a still object for long while moving can trigger motion sickness, even in people who are less prone to it otherwise.

[dancingamongstdust]

MHA Scenarios - First Meeting (Part 4)

Requests are still open as of this post.

Shigaraki

You hadn’t meant to cause that level of destruction. It was an accident.

But they hadn’t seen it that way.

Their words followed you even when they could not. You could hear the accusations ringing in your head whenever you used your quirk – for better, or for worse. It became easier to ignore as you slowly learned to stop caring.

Until your quirk went out of control again.

You woke up in a dark room with a pounding headache and exhausted limbs. The doctor who was looking after you (a man you were relatively certain had no actual medical knowledge) had gotten very close and asked how much you remembered. When you informed him that it wasn’t much, he had smiled.

“Well, you certainly drew attention to yourself,” he had laughed. “Perhaps you should consider yourself lucky that the heroes didn’t get to you first.”

“I guess so…”

Something warned you that this situation was more dangerous than it seemed. Your eyes drifted over the covered windows of the room and you stared at the door. “Why did you help me?”

“Well that’s hardly for me –“

He didn’t get a chance to answer before you dashed for the exit. The doctor’s quirk didn’t allow him to grab you and his alarmed shout was all you heard before you were darting down the hallway. You weren’t going to stick around and get experimented on.

You turned the corner, heart pounding in your chest. They must have given you something because you felt drowsy. The entire world was spinning.

But you had to nearly trip yourself up to avoid running directly into somebody as you sprinted down a different hallway.

This was hardly your first time dealing with villains and many of them had odd quirks, to say the least. It shouldn’t have shocked you to see somebody with a human hand on their face but maybe the medication was lowering your tolerance because it was terrifying.

“Who are you?” you snapped out, immediately on the defense. You took a step away, ready to run or fight, whichever seemed easiest.

The man didn’t seem too bothered by your snap at least; the one eye that you could see watched you steadily from behind his hand mask. “I’m sure you’re not meant to be running around here,” he said. “But you’re no hero so you must be here for your quirk. Do you still have it?”

Your heart skipped a beat.

It wasn’t unknown in the underground that there was a man who stole quirks he liked. Nobody knew what he did with them but it wasn’t unheard of for villains to wake up with nothing. And you would never get them back.

You could feel your quirk was still there. It pulsed under your skin like a warning.

“My quirk?” you repeated. “I have my quirk.”

You did a random gesture, summoning all of your past acting experience to appear horrified when nothing happened. Again and again you tried before looking around in shock and horror.

The guy bought it and he shrugged. “Then there’s no reason to stop you.” He brushed past you and continued walking. “Not like you could find the exit anyway.”

The moment he turned the corner, you dropped the act and bolted again. This place was a maze but you found the exit and avoided any encounters with a practiced ease. Before leaving, you looked back up at the building and grimaced, hoping to never see it again.

Toga

It was late at night when you had the strangest encounter of your life. Not that that was a bad thing necessarily but it was something that occurred, nevertheless.

You had been feeling quite exhausted from a long day of fun with your friends. They had headed off to get a cab when you had realised that you needed the bathroom and disappeared to go find one.

There was a public toilet not too far from the street though it certainly wasn’t as clean as you would have hoped. Not to be deterred, you slipped in and found a sight that, even to your exhausted mind was uncomfortable.

A girl stood in front of one of the mirrors, blood staining much of her face. It covered the counter beneath her fingers and seemed to be coming from her lip.

“Are you okay?!” you asked, panicked.

She looked up at you, startled. Her dark hair covered much of her expression but she seemed a little out of it. Maybe she got hit on the head or something.

“I –“ she paused, her voice croaky and sore. She brought her hand up to rub her throat. “I think so.”

“Just wait, let me help you,” you said. You rushed into one of the stalls and gathered up some toilet paper. “Do you need me to call somebody or?”

“No,” she said quickly. “No. Thank you.”

You offered some of the damp tissue to her and she started wiping it away from her mouth. While she dealt with that, you cleaned the blood that she had left on the counter, making sure to get it out of all the cracks in and around the sink. “What happened to you?” you asked. “Did somebody attack you?”

“I slipped,” she said. “The tiles are really slippery and I think that I hit my mouth on the sink. It’s all kind of blurry.”

“Don’t worry,” you said, digging through your bag and grabbing some headache tablets. You offered the bottle to her. “Take two of those just in case. Even if it doesn’t hurt now, you don’t want to wake up with a headache tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” she said. “Do I still have any blood on me?”

“Just on your jaw,” you pointed out. “Come on, my friends and I are getting a cab. We can call one for you also if you need.”

She took one last glance in the mirror before leaving. You had forgotten your own need for the bathroom and it was for good reason also. If you had hung around for a little longer, you may have seen blood trickling out from one of the stalls. Perhaps then you wouldn’t have been so worried about this stranger hitting her head.

“What’s your name?” you asked as you looked around for your friends.

“Toga,” the girl said, though she didn’t seem too happy with having told you. The words must have slipped out without her meaning to.

You gave her your own name and went up onto your toes to look around the crowd for your friends. Eventually you spotted them and waved but when you spoke to Toga, she didn’t respond.

She had disappeared into the crowd.

You went back into the bathroom and checked but she was long gone. Just like how the blood has escaped your notice earlier, you didn’t see the blonde watching you from the other side of the street, her head tilted a little.

Dabi

It was a rare day when you found yourself alone without at least one person to watch your back. You didn’t always need the protection but sometimes, it was nice to have.

But you had given your word and it wouldn’t do to back out of this now.

The building where everything had been organised was old and crumbling – its ancient nature hidden on the outskirts of the city and slowly becoming overtaken by countless plants. It wasn’t somewhere anybody with good intentions would find themselves.

You liked to think that your work was good. It benefitted many and took only from those who could afford to lose it. Unfortunately though, rules had to be broken for the best results, and sometimes what was classified as ‘wrong’ turned out to be needed in order to achieve a goal. It wasn’t quite in line with what you believed but it had to be done.

Did working with villains make you uncomfortable? Of course. But it was hardly going to be something that stopped you from moving forward.

The two members from the League of Villains that had been sent to meet you were both men. You didn’t bother with greetings, just holding up the briefcase that you held.

“I’m looking for a specific artwork,” you said. “I’ve been told that you might be able to help?”

“An artwork?” the one asked. He wore a white and black mask that concealed most of his face and an extremely gaudy costume.

“Not just an artwork,” you explained. “It has something of mine hidden in the canvas. Normally, I would just get the police involved but if they found it, it would be quite problematic for me. The group that stole it won’t listen to many but the League of Villains, I’m afraid. They have a few good quirks and they’re extremely cocky for it.”

“We’re not lapdogs,” the other man said. “Especially not for whatever agenda you’re pushing.”

“I don’t pay lapdogs,” you acknowledged. “Consider me a sponsor.”

Flames cackled into existence in his hand, surprising his colleague enough to jump a little. “Chances are, they’ve already found your thing. Even if they haven’t, the league can hardly go around picking fights with random gangs.”

“Shigaraki did ask –“

The masked man was cut off by a glare. Blue flames sent flickering light through the air as they waited patiently for your answer.

“If it’s already been discovered or if it happens to get damaged during the process, then I don’t plan on getting anything out of our deal. It’ll simply be a loss on my side.”

The flames slowly flickered out and you allowed yourself to breathe again. Confidence was a requirement for these deals but you didn’t quite have the nerves of steel that you portrayed. It was always a fight to keep your reactions in check.

“I guess if we happen to bump into the group, we can check around for your shit.”

You knew his bluff as well as your own. The League of Villains had always worked well with those who had money. They required funding and wouldn’t say no to being able to flex their reputation around the underground. It was almost needed with the way rumours were circulating.

It was less than a week after that encounter when you found your artwork sitting outside your home. Charred on the edges, it was damaged enough to make the art itself worthless. But your items inside were perfectly unharmed.

Not bad for your first time working alongside the League of Villains. It was worth the cost… you should do it more in the future.

Twice

When you had been called in for this job, you had no idea that it was going to turn into a fight of the magnitude you experienced.

Flames tore along the streets. They melted lamps and trapped hundreds inside buildings – the screams for help becoming almost deafening as you broke down yet another wall to get civilians out. It was the third building you had had to smash into and there were more yet.

Nobody could get out and, if they remained trapped, they wouldn’t survive much longer.

When your partner and you had realised you were dealing with the League of Villains, you had immediately called in the big guns. What you hadn’t realised was that doing so would result in a brawl of sorts in the streets. The League of Villains didn’t care about collateral and honestly, sometimes you wondered if the heroes did.

You were starting to overheat. The amount of fire swirling around was getting to you, drawing the breath from your lungs and slowing your movements. Its angry blue nature hinted at its abysmal nature.

The next building’s walls took even longer to get through but you managed it and a few people scrambled out. You ushed as best as you could although it was starting to get hard to speak.

But then you noticed a dark figure lying in one of the rooms

Outside, the fire roared and smacked against the walls but you couldn’t just leave somebody there. You stepped over the rubble and made your way to the figure.

It was hard to make out details with the flames. The heat seemed to be getting worse as you approached – soon identified as being caused by the gaping hole in the wall. It radiated around the room in waves. You covered your mouth and nose the best you could, creeping forward to reach where the person was.

When you arrived, it took you no time to recognise that you weren’t saving an unfortunate civilian but rather a member of the League itself.

You hesitated for a second before hooking your arms under his and beginning to drag him away from the danger. This was the type of thing that lost reputation for heroes. Civilians didn’t like seeing villains being rescued but you honestly didn’t care.

If he was left there, he was probably going to end up dying.

Though he had seemed unconscious, when you got him out of the building, he muttered something and moved. It was enough to make you jump back but he didn’t attack or anything. He just touched his face and then let his arm go limp again.

You moved back cautiously. His suit had been ripped on the one side, missing its arm and half of the torso. You checked his pulse, relieved to feel that it was still going, even if it was unsteady.

“Can you hear me?” you asked.

He didn’t respond and you reached up to remove his mask. His hand immediately snapped up to grab your wrist and you prepared to activate your quirk but all he did was push your arm away from his face.

Alright then. No touching the mask.

You bandaged the open wound on his side as best as you could. It looked like he had gotten launched through the building. Once he was as stable as he could be, you moved him to a safer area and jumped back into the fray. A ton of rescues later and the heroes had won, at the destruction of much property.

And, rather unsurprisingly, the villain you had saved was long gone.

Overhaul

There was a new drug running around the market. You had heard of a number of small-time villains taking it – most of them dying shortly after consumption. It wasn’t unheard of. If something had even the promise of a good time then it would attract thousands.

But what was a problem was that you had lost several of your newest underlings as a direct result of this drug.

Given how picky you were about hiring, this was going to be a problem.

You tracked the source to none other than the Shie Hassaikai. They were an old branch of the yakuza, sitting on the edge of a downward spiral into irrelevance. Rumors followed that their boss had fallen quite ill and now, it was only a matter of time until they fell completely on their faces.

So you didn’t feel too nervous when you approached the house that fronted their main base. Even with the members watching you from the bushes, you kept a straight line.

You weren’t unknown. It would do them a great disservice to attack you.

And they knew it.

You walked in the front door with absolutely no resistance and remained unsurprised when two masked men came out to greet you. They didn’t ask about your business or enquire as to who you were. Instead, they led you into a sitting room and gestured for you take a seat.

Instead of that, you walked around the room and picked up everything that looked interesting. Nothing was hidden around but you hadn’t expected there to be.

“Please don’t touch things without gloves on,” a smooth voice interrupted your curiosity. “Cleaning this entire house is rarely needed and I’d rather you didn’t change that.”

You turned around to find somebody considerably younger than you had expected for the head of the Shie Hassaikai. He wore their signature mask and a feathered coat, almost his entire body hidden in some way.

“Not a fan of germs?” you enquired.

“Not at all.”

You shrugged and made your way to the couch, sinking down into it. “Guess that means no drinks or anything? Oh well, that’s too bad.” You gestured for him to sit.  “So, you’re not who I was expecting.”

“You’ve never worked with our organisation before,” he said, sitting on the edge of the chair opposite you.

“No. You’re not in the same line of work as me and I don’t care too much about the Yakuza.”

“Then why are you here?”

You straightened, aware that you were about to get into the most dangerous part of the meeting. “Your drugs have been getting into my areas. Now, I don’t care all too much about how you distribute stock but it’s not just coming into possession of low-life criminals. My men are getting practically gifted it.”

His eyes narrowed. “We need to test it somehow. Besides, that sounds like a problem for you, no? Have better control of your men.”

“Keep your test tube shit out of my territories.”

A small staring contest took place – a test to see who would break first. You had been in almost a hundred of these over the course of your career. They didn’t bother you much at all in anymore.

Eventually he waved his hand through the air. “I guess we could stop supply to traders in your areas but this isn’t a charity.”

“I could kill your men.”

“But you would lose your own in the process. Wouldn’t it be easier to do this the peaceful way and maybe even establish a relationship between our two groups?”

“You have my attention. Don’t waste it.”

Kurogiri

There are those days when everything begins so well only to rapidly spiral into a situation out of your worst dreams. This was something like that.

You had gotten horribly caught in the crossfire of a battle between heroes and villains. It all occurred faster than you could have ever imagined – flashes of light and explosions of sound. People were screaming, the sound coming through a haze as you tried to get a grasp on what had happened.

Blood was trickling down your arm but you felt no pain. You slowly lifted your head. Something had hit you, you remembered that now as your brain caught up to the dull ache coming from your ribcage.

You tried to move, finding that you couldn’t. The ache became worse and a heavy, scraping sound interrupted your attempts to crawl away.

It was a piece of concrete, heavy and painful, pinning you effectively to the ground. A smaller chunk was holding it up and stopping you from being crushed. But if you moved too much…

You forced yourself to take a deep breath, nearly choking on the dust that filled the air. Maybe if you shifted slowly.

A crunching noise made you hiccup.

Alright, so that wasn’t going to work either. You strained your eyes to see through the carnage but you couldn’t make out any heroes. They would come eventually; you just had to wait patiently and try not to move too much.

The concrete seemed to get heavier still and you fought the desire to cry.

There was a crunching sound. You couldn’t just wait around.

Slow as you dared, you began to inch forward. The rough surface snagged at your clothing and made every centimeter feel like it was going to end with you crushed. Worse still, the more you moved, the more apparent the injury on your back became.

The blood that had been trickling down your arm was now creeping along your torso. It pooled in your clothes and made everything sticky.

You tried not to think about it but it made you light-headed regardless.

About half-way out, you spotted somebody nearby. It was just their silhouette but still, relief flooded your veins and you cried out desperately for help.

The figure made its way over to you, soon revealing that the man was almost entirely made of smoke. He wore a suit and tie but his body swirled as though only somewhat solid. Bright yellow eyes stared at you – any emotion behind them was completely unreadable.

His eyes traced your shape. “You’re not who I’m looking for.”

“Please help me. This thing’s going to crush me.”

He paused, the swirling darkness that made up his face shuddered as though it was unsure how to respond. “I should leave you here,” he mentioned. “You’re of no consequence to me or to my cause. If anything, I should add pressure to the piece of rubble and make sure the fatality numbers are higher.”

You caught of whimper before it could escape. “Please.”

His smoke shook again, almost as though he was struggling to keep hold of it. Then he raised a foot and placed it on the concrete.

You screwed your eyes shut and tried to imagine the best parts of life.

A loud horn blaring made you open them again and a surprised yelp escaped as you saw tires race past in front of you. People were shouting, their voices loud and nearby. Bright lights surrounded you and the air was clear once more.

The last thing you remembered seeing was a panicked nurse rushing over to you.

[missmentelle]

How do I know if I'm burnt out and what are signs of being burnt out? In relation to both university and work?

Unfortunately, burnout is a very common problem among both university students and people in high-stress jobs. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “burnout” is effectively where people reach a breaking point after being in a high-stress occupation (like a demanding academic program or a high-pressure career) for too long. Being “burnt out” is not an official diagnosis, and you won’t find it in the ICD-11 or the DSM-V. But it’s something that an increasing number of people are experiencing every year.

Not everyone is at equal risk of experiencing burnout - many students and workers never really deal with this. Factors that put you at high risk of burnout include:

Having poor work-life balance. If you spend huge portions of your time working - working through weekends, doing tons of overtime, working late, not taking vacation, working through lunch - you are at high risk of burnout. Humans need rest, relaxation, hobbies and time with friends, and when you sacrifice those things for work, it will eventually take a toll.

Having very little control over your day-to-day tasks. No one has perfect control over their daily work tasks - not even the self-employed - but having some element of control is important. If you have a say in things like when to schedule meetings, when to book client appointments and which task you are going to work on when, you have a lower risk of burnout than someone whose tasks tend to just be dictated to them. 

Having perfectionist traits or holding yourself to very high standards. People who experience burnout tend to be overachievers. They constantly try to go above and beyond because they put immense pressure on themselves to do their best work at all times. If you’re the kind of person who beats yourself up over getting an A- instead of an A and makes a point to be the last one out of the office every day, you are at risk of burnout. 

Having a dysfunctional work or school environment. Is your workplace plagued with bullies and office gossip? Do your lab members take pleasure in ripping each other’s research and writing to shreds, without really being constructive about it? Does your boss take their bad moods out on the rest of the office, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? A dysfunctional workplace creates burned-out employees.

Having unclear instructions or directions. It is extremely difficult to be in a work environment where you are expected to do be productive, but you aren’t given clear expectations, a clear list of tasks or instructions for how those tasks should actually be performed. It leaves you constantly feeling like your work isn’t good enough and isn’t done properly, without actually giving you a route to improve; you often end up working twice as hard to get half as much done, which is a recipe for burnout. 

Working in a helping profession. Nurses, social workers, therapists, paramedics, psychologists, caregivers and caseworkers have some of the highest burnout rates of any profession. These jobs often combine long hours and low pay with incredibly stressful work environments, and burnout is a huge problem. 

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or bored of what you do. It’s a state of complete and total exhaustion. Putting more energy into your job isn’t possible when you reach that point - you have nothing left to give. “Burnout” isn’t an official diagnosis, but it is a fitting description - trying to push through burnout is like trying to re-light a candle that has already burned all the way down to the bottom. It’s just not going to happen. 

Some signs that you’ve reached the point of burnout include:

Your performance is suffering. You can’t keep going full steam ahead when you’re running on fumes. When you’re burnt out, your work performance will one of the first things that starts to slip - you may find that you are missing deadlines, forgetting things, half-assing tasks and making careless mistakes.  

You constantly feel drained. Burnout is a perpetual state of exhaustion. You’ll start to feel like you just don’t have the energy to do everything that you’re supposed to do. You’ll find that you feel tired all the time, regardless of your sleeping habits, and that just forcing yourself to do the bare minimum leaves you feeling totally depleted and unable to do much else. 

You feel disconnected and cynical toward your work. Even if you once enjoyed your work or felt passionate about it, when you’re burnt out, you become disillusioned with what you do. You may find that you’re cynical about your work, or just so apathetic that you can’t bring yourself to care about it anymore, even when you accomplish things that once mattered to you. 

You can’t concentrate. Burnout can make it difficult - if not impossible - for even the most dedicated person to focus on their tasks. You might find that you spend a lot of time just sitting in front of your computer, unable to even start tasks because you can’t focus well enough to begin something. 

You have become irritable and short-tempered. People who are burnt out have a tendency to become impatient with the people around them. When you’re running on empty, you have no energy left for social interactions. You might find that you’re snapping at coworkers or getting visibly frustrated with clients if you work in a helping profession. 

You feel anxious. Burnout is often accompanied by feelings of indistinct dread that you just can’t seem to shake. The fear and anxiety is often tied to work, and can be completely overwhelming. 

You can’t sleep. Ironically, people with burnout often have a hard time sleeping. Their minds race all night, and they find that they cannot settle down or get comfortable enough to drift off. If you can sleep, you may find that you are only able to sleep in short bursts and cannot sleep through a full night. 

Your eating habits have changed. Some people experiencing burnout find that they lose their appetites. Others find that they begin to comfort themselves with food. Significant changes in appetite and food intake can signal a serious problem. 

You feel physically ill. Being under high amounts of stress for long periods of time can destroy your health - you might find that you have a lot of symptoms with no direct physical cause, like headaches, stomach pain, nausea and body aches. You might also find that you get sick more often and get more infections as the stress wears down your immune system. 

You feel like you have to drag yourself through the day. Even if you once enjoyed your job or your school, you might start to feel like even showing up is a huge chore, and dread having to go in. You might find that it takes all of your energy to even make it through the front door each day. 

The good news is that burnout is not a permanent state; there are things you can do to recover. However, recovering from burnout is not necessarily easy - this is not something you can quick-fix with a self-help book, and you may need to make significant lifestyle changes. Some things you can do to fix or prevent burnout include:

Set firm boundaries. If possible, stop taking work home. Stop signing up for extra shifts and overtime every time it’s available. Don’t volunteer to organize every single office party and baby shower. Stop answering work emails after 5pm. Don’t check your email on the weekends. Don’t respond to emails on vacation. Set firm boundaries between “work time” and “me time” - especially if you work from home, where it’s easier for work and life to bleed together. 

Use every minute of your paid time off. A lot of people just don’t use up all their PTO every year because they’re worried they’re letting the company down by taking vacation. Stop that. If you have vacation days, use them. Use your sick time too - if you don’t get sick that often, use them as mental health days. If you’re a student, ask professors for extensions when you’re sick - more and more professors are getting on board with cutting students some slack for life events. 

Unplug from productivity culture. Our culture has a pathological obsession with productivity, and it’s killing us. We consume books and blogs and podcasts about how to squeeze as much productivity out of ourselves as possible. It has to stop. Unsubscribe from this kind of content. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself to optimize and monetize every second of your day - it’s not healthy. 

Seek support. Talk to a therapist, a doctor or a friend. Get professional help or just find people you can vent to. Try to form friendships with some of your coworkers or fellow students, especially if you work in the helping professions - they know better than anyone what you are going through. 

Prioritize your physical health. When you neglect your physical health, you are more likely to burn out - you run out of fuel faster when you have less in the tank to begin with. Prioritize eating healthy meals and getting all the nutrients you need. Make a habit of exercising. Practice good sleep hygiene and try to improve your sleep. 

Talk to your supervisor, advisor or boss. Are there things about your specific work or school environment that could be improved for you? Could you be transferred to a new team? Do your roles and responsibilities need to be clarified so you know exactly what is expected of you? Do you need additional training to do your job well? Are you dealing with harassment that could be reported to HR? See what can be fixed. 

Consider a change. Sometimes you just need a change of pace after a while. Many social workers, for instance, eventually leave the profession - a lot of people simply have a lifetime limit on how long they can do that kind of work before they need to switch to something that doesn’t involve human horror every day. If burnout is a consistent problem, it might be time to think about taking a leave of absence, changing to a different role, or switching careers altogether. 

Hope this answers your question! MM

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game II - CH45

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

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Chapter 45: Star Death Reality Show (XXVIII)

His right hand slammed against the emergency close button, and his body rushed out with the instant acceleration from pushing off it. As if Qi Leren had thought about the plan in his mind for a long time, he opened a hand and threw a grenade behind him without looking, sprinted out like an arrow leaving the string, and repeated this old trick when he rounded the corner, throwing down another hand grenade!

Two consecutive explosions shook the corridor like a tottering boat. Qi Leren threw himself to the ground, feeling the turbulent heat flow from the corner and blow his hair into a mess.

He coughed twice on the ground, got up, and ran away again.

Leviathan didn't catch up, and Qi Leren who had already run to the floor where the arsenal was located finally breathed a sigh of relief.

The research institute was huge, and it would take "extraordinary luck" to run into that monster again. However, he didn’t know whether Leviathan had a sensitive sense of smell... Qi Leren looked back, and the world was immersed in a bright silence. This kind of terror hidden under the light was frightening.

He Yi had been parasitized by Leviathan, who was obviously Su He’s doing. He himself had said that he’d released the dangerous creature in the underground glacier. The octopus was similar to the alien queen in Aliens, much more difficult to deal with than the ordinary octopuses. What's more, it also had human intelligence... Hey, why did you listen attentively to He Yi just now and forget to smash his head?

Qi Leren walked on, and when he came to the corridor where the arsenal was located, he saw at a glance that Dr. Lu was poking around.

"Ah! Qi Leren! You’re still alive!" Dr. Lu excitedly ran out, "How is it on your side? Have you seen Su He?"

"Have you met Du Yue?" Qi Leren asked.

Du Yue also ran out of the arsenal and took Qi Leren's arm: "Qianbei! I thought you were going to die! Thank god! You can't die!"

Hey, what did this kid say? Qi Leren lamented Du Yue, who was too agitated and incoherent, and patted him on the shoulder in comfort.

"Why is that guy so stalker-ish?" Dr. Lu muttered with a bitter expression.

Qi Leren said with a straight face: "He can hear you."

Dr. Lu's face went white with fear, staring at him, looking overwhelmed.

"I’m just scaring you, he should be gone." Qi Leren pondered that Su He seemed to have too much free time. He was acting as both a prison guard and a Devil, and he also had a lot of beautiful subordinates. No matter how much he divided his time, he couldn’t do everything. He shouldn’t be idle enough to come here to peep at how a group of wannabes did in their task.

Dr. Lu was relieved and complained, "Don't scare me all the time."

Only Du Yue, who had never seen Su He, wondered: "Who is Su He?"

Dr. Lu quickly waved his hand: "A super terrible Devil, who is cruel, cunning, and ruthless, the worst in the universe! Your qianbei was killed by him before, and his death was miserable. You could say he’s a freak!"

Du Yue was taken aback: "So bad…"

Qi Leren, who had died miserably: "........"

"Yes, your qianbei's boyfriend is grief-stricken, and he’s still wandering the world, unaware that he’s still alive."

Du Yue was dumbfounded again: "Ah, my qianbei has a boyfriend? Isn't it a beautiful woman? Qianbei said that she was particularly beautiful!"

Dr. Lu looked at Qi Leren silently. Qi Leren, who had once talked with this youth about first loves while they were watching Annie, coughed twice: "Don't talk about this now, I have something very important to say: in the glancer beneath the institute..."

Forcibly changing the subject was successful. Qi Leren locked the door of the arsenal, briefly explained the previous events, and skipped a lot of things. He only told the two people about Su He's saying that he had released Leviathan from the underground glacier, and told them about his previous fight with the monster.

"We need a temperature below minus forty degrees? Awesome, our temperature regulating clothes only guarantee that we won't lose heat in environments above minus 30 degrees. Once the temperature drops below minus 30, we won't last long, and even worse when it reaches minus 40. If you cool down that much, you may as well sign your will. To tell the truth, it's quite amazing that you can still insist on not wearing gloves..." Dr. Lu looked at Qi Leren's bare hands and then at his own hands in thick gloves and couldn't help showing envious eyes.

Qi Leren moved his fingers. Although he was cold, he wasn’t frozen. He had good resistance to cold now, otherwise he probably wouldn’t have escaped just now.

"I can't think of a way to deal with it now." Qi Leren walked around the arsenal to find the weapons he needed. "Shall we set a trap and blow it up here?"

"You can try, but if there’s an explosion in the arsenal...……S/L Data can't save you from the fire after the explosion," Dr. Lu worried.

There were indeed difficulties. There were too many explosives in the arsenal. If the explosion lasted for several seconds, even if he saved here, the resurrected Qi Leren would still be blown to pieces.

"What should we do then?" Du Yue looked sad.

Qi Leren was also depressed, and he had to worry about another question: "How much private time do you have left?"

"This is reset at 8:00 every morning...I only have half an hour left." Dr. Lu was even more sad.

"Me too." Du Yue was also worried.

Qi Leren looked at his privacy time that was less than half an hour, which was also a headache.

After the privacy time ran out, the invisible camera that followed him would ignore his instructions and shoot him from 360 degrees without any privacy. In this way, he could neither use unscientific skill cards indiscriminately nor discuss things with Dr. Lu.

If only this thing had been blown up when Mark blasted it with a rocket launcher... Unfortunately, he had used the "Prophet's Heart" at that time and he was unscathed. Sadly, even the camera was preserved.

"Where are the others?" Qi Leren asked Du Yue.

"They ran away, and then I only met Dr. Lu," Du Yue said sullenly.

"Don't worry about them, you can't stop them from dying." Dr. Lu squatted on the ground heartlessly. "Think about how to get home alive first. By now, this task is definitely not C-level. We might say there is also an A. This Leviathan looks much more difficult than the crazy lady of B-level. "

Of course, Qi Leren thought. This Leviathan was released by Su He in order to force him to level up. However, now he didn't even know what the principle of a half-field was, because his teacher Chen Baiqi hadn't expected him, a loser student, to break his shell. In her prediction, this wouldn't happen for a long time.

The plan couldn’t keep up with the changes

"Let’s think about it again... This amphioctopus is intelligent, strong defensively, fast, and aggressive... I’m afraid it’s also very strong, and ordinary weapons can't handle it. I’ll try the rocket launcher next time." Qi Leren was also very worried about this weapon that he had never used before. There was no instruction manual for weapons here, and Chen Baiqi had never taught him how to use it.

Dr. Lu and Du Yue looked at him with eyes full of doubts.

Qi Leren coughed: "Let’s think of another plan, I don't think this is foolproof."

Qi Leren’s biggest reliance was the Prophet's Heart given to him by the Prophet, but the cooldown time of this item was as long as 24 hours. To try to wait for this to finish its cooldown, Qi Leren didn't think they could spend 20 hours safely.

Then what else can I do...

Glacier.

Underground glacier.

This word jumped into Qi Leren's mind without warning, and he suddenly remembered what He Yi had said before he died: "...Even if it’s frozen in the extremely cold environment of minus 40 degrees, it will not die, but will only go to sleep. It’s like the amphioctopuses’ soldier ant, and its fighting capacity far exceeds that of the workers. Leviathan is different from the ordinary octopuses. As long as it senses the approach of living creatures, it will be forcibly thawed..."

He Yi wanted to express the danger of Leviathan, but if you thought about it carefully, wasn't this its weakness?

40 degrees below zero wouldn’t kill it, but it would go to sleep. If he could lead it back to the underground glacier and then escape quickly, so that Leviathan, that couldn't sense the biological atmosphere around it, went to sleep, then he could wait for the Prophet's Heart to cool down before going back and killing it.

The more he thought about it, the more he felt that this may be the only way.

"I have an idea," Qi Leren said into the silence. "The danger of confronting it is too great. My idea is that I’ll lure it into the underground glacier and let it return to its dormant state again."

Then Qi Leren explained his reasons, and discussed specific measures with Dr. Lu and Du Yue. The biggest problem was that Leviathan has intelligence, and it was difficult to set traps for it.

"We haven't been to the underground glacier. I don't know what the terrain is like. If it’s an underground crevasse or a huge underground lake, even you will be in danger. Why don't we try the laser corridor, surely it isn’t stronger than steel plates?" Dr. Lu also had an idea.

Du Yue nodded at the side: "Yes qianbei, it’s too dangerous for you to lure it to the underground glacier."

"He Yi knew about the laser corridor, and that I can pass through it. It would be difficult to lead it into that trap... But it reminds me that we need to find the others. After making sure that they haven’t been infected by the octopuses, I want to send them out of the research institute first, and then re-seal the basement of Annie's house. If they’re running around here, they could easily be killed by Leviathan," Qi Leren said.

The corner of Dr. Lu’s mouth twitched: "I think they aren’t already done for."

It was hard for Qi Leren to refute.

"But if you want to lure it to the underground glacier, will it be fooled?" Du Yue asked.

Qi Leren tried to maintain a strong smile: "Yes."

Only on this point, Qi Leren had full confidence. He would be able to taunt the monster’s ire towards him. As long as the laser corridor trap wasn’t in front of it, this monster would be like the most loyal boyfriend, only watching him in a crowd, abandoning all temptations and running towards him.

The two EX lucks, Dr. Lu and Du Yue, were just like wild flowers and weeds on the roadside, which were ignored by this single-minded monster.

This kind of thing had happened so many times that Qi Leren was used to it.

Time passed by, and there was only ten minutes left in Qi Leren's privacy time. The three people discussed how to explain it to the audience later, and unanimously recommended that Dr. Lu pretend to be the anchor, so that he could think of his lines quickly.

Dr. Lu wore a tearful expression as he auditioned:

Ladies and gentlemen of the audience, I have bad news. Just now, XXX went crazy, together with XXXX. Then they were all killed by Qi Leren and God. This god-like Qi Leren is neither a special soldier of the military nor an interstellar mercenary. Please believe that he is just an actor... Oh no, a lead singer of a tone-deaf band. Next, the lead singer of the strongest band in history is going to fight the boss. Please look forward to it.

"You really seem like a default actor. Come on, is this filming?" Anchor Lu said with disgust.

The heavy-hearted Qi Leren was not in the mood to make jokes and rolled his eyes.

He didn't want to waste any more time, so he could quickly took care of Leviathan and then set off for Ning Zhou in Purgatory.

Qi Leren pondered it. He could only use Save/Load now. Secretly Observing and Rain Day Laundry were cooling down alongside Prophet’s Heart. There were still Pleasing Rations left, but according to his experience, this monster was not in the range of creatures that could be bought off.

Then there were these weapons. Qi Leren picked up a rocket launcher and weighed it on his shoulder. Dr. Lu opened his mouth and said, "Wow, have you used that?"

"No, but I was shot at with one and hit straight on," Qi Leren said.

Dr. Lu looked at him with an expression of "I know you’re acting, but for the sake of friendship, I will barely cooperate with you." Only Du Yue, who was stupid, sincerely praised: "Qianbei is so powerful!"

Qi Leren glanced at the time. It was the early morning of the fifth day. Let's make it quick.

Dr. Lu considered his physical condition and suggested that Qi Leren rest for a few hours to refresh himself. Anyway, the door to the weapons room had been locked by him, so there was no need to worry about Leviathan breaking in.

In the past, Qi Leren might have thought about it, but now he was full of thoughts about Ning Zhou and refused this proposal.

Dr. Lu sighed: "Well, suit yourself. In fact, I’ve thought about waiting in this arsenal until the army arrives and rescues me. Either way, it can't get in."

Qi Leren was not so optimistic. The monster would come up with a way to break into the room sooner or later. Here, he could only wait to die, and...

Suddenly there was a slight noise above his head, as if something was crawling in a pipe. The three men looked up and looked at the metal ceiling above their heads, and fell into a strange silence.

Qi Leren suddenly thought of a problem.

The air of this large underground research institute was unexpectedly clean, and there was no staleness of air being trapped. Its exhaust facilities were obviously operational.

Qi Leren's eyes turned to the vents in the corner of the ceiling. There was a metal shutter one meter square. It seemed that the sound of something crawling had come from there!

-----

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[blushing-starker]

Insanity brings me truth and you

can you guess what Peter's doing to not be understood by the guards?

It's not easy, being crazy. There are expectations to run away from, a bar to limbo under, a specific number of people one has to betray and scar. The unknowable becomes knowable, so you have to skirt the edge of that Venn diagram very carefully. Or very recklessly. Either way, it's a complex thing except for when it's not. Jesus, how infuriating to think about. The point is, the paradox that crazies carry on their shoulders? It's a fucking hassle, a tricky one and Peter is tired of it.

He sighs, lets gravity bend him backward, legs slipping dangerously off the blanket he's hung as a hammock inside his cell. Act like a psycho and you're predictable, don't act like an ax wielding murderer and whoops! Predictable. It's the downside of being insane; you leave the weary capitalist consumer mask out in the world, probably set that shit on fire and make yourself sick with the fumes. But you just replace it with the one labelled 'danger to society' and get forced to play along with that. He did what he did to avoid the world and its predetermined fate, its standards.

Peter closes his eyes, thinks of the nauseating smell on his left. Rupert, the guard that dared graze him while he came back from the shower naked, has a broken nose thanks to Ned and his loyalty to him. The idiot barely cleans the open wound and the whole cell reeks of pus because of it. He does the math of how long it's been going on for and shudders in disgust. His bare calves slip a little more.

An inhale near the front of his cage. Slow, but controlled. Not the usual. Thank God for a circus family and heightened senses.

The doctor is paying attention to him.

"Doctor Stark. Gnittor gnihtemos llems ouy nac?" Rupert grumbles from his perch on the second floor, curses a hare brained psycho that's incomprehensible. Peter hums, pleased to know that after ten months, nine days, twelve hours, and...

Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus on sinking deeper into nothing, into a yawning void. The blanket shakes and his thighs are starting to tremble. Blood is rushing to his head, veins most likely beginning to protrude. Irrelevant.

His favorite guard Stan wears a Swiss watch his wife got for him on their fortieth anniversary. It sings to him now, smooth and cool like a river. A skipping stone is thrown, tic, a fish heads towards the sound, toc. Above all the other stimuli in the room, the watch announces itself. Ten fifteen.

Ten months, nine days, twelve hours and twenty minutes into a game, his tiny gnat still hasn't caught on. Not like the charming doctor. He sees him then, behind closed eyelids, as clearly as a sweet nightmare. Tall, taller than Peter, but less strong. Wide shoulders that morph into a slim waist and a delectable ass he aches to sink his teeth into. Shapely calves from running, curiously delicate looking ankles.

Down and back again. A full head of dark hair with a dusting of silver. Dangerously clever mouth, what his aunt would call a noble nose. Agreeable cheekbones. Piercing eyes that tear his walls down, rip apart the bricks and mortar until he's scrambling on the other side, desperately, clumsily attempting to reinforce them for the millionth time. Those eyes saw the trick, the mirror reflection on his second day here, Peter offhandedly talking in reverse with Ned when they passed the new doctor. A dark gaze had pinned him in place, a spider fixed in place with its own silk against the cold dissection table.

Ned had rambled on, Peter had met a worthy playmate and the doctor had seen all he needed in that eternally prolonged glance. That very afternoon, a psychiatrist signed on as his very own voyeur.

Doctor Stark seems to be as interested in cutting him open to peek inside as Peter is in taking a dagger and comparing their hearts. He does this a lot; wonders how fate and the absence of lucky fate led them here. On opposite sides of a prison when perhaps it should be the other way around. Or perhaps there should only be Peter and Doctor Stark.

He feels himself falling, plummeting ever downward into fantasies and hazy dreams. It's not until the good doctor sharply calls out his name that he realizes he's also plummeting towards the floor. Now, MJ had warned him; had specifically said that the hammock being ten feet off the concrete ground was a bad idea. Ned had said he'd be fine and Peter loves the guy, ok? He has to do everything he can so that his best friend wins a bet over his other best friend.

Peter slightly regrets that when he's forced to arch his body backward, flip right side up in order to hit the floor on his feet instead of his face. The impact chokes the air right out of him, shakes his bones, but he doesn't react. Cracks his neck and that's all. Most of the guards were kind, some shade of understanding. They weren't harmless, though. He knows what he looks like, knows how many hours these men are cooped up with the scum of the earth.

"To answer your question," Peter leaps onto the bars of his cell, slithers higher than any sane person would and somersaults off the vertical slits, sinks into his trustworthy hammock with its trustworthy knots (MJ and Ned had tied them, one each), "yes, I do. It's less potent this time."

He stills, frowns. "How? There haven't been any changes. External or internal." No need to act like the Mad Hatter when the conversation could be had normally. Quicker and more reliable with meanings. But the doctor pauses, enunciates his next words slowly.

"Ti koot uoy erom emit yadot." God, he loved hearing Doctor Stark talk that carefully and smoothly. It was as comforting as it was uncomfortable. (He and sex don't particularly get along. It's like a headache that comes and goes; with the right medicine it can dissipate and evolve into something soothing, pleasant. With the majority of medicine, it blossoms into pain and soreness, a dry throat clogged by a thick syrup that won't leave him be no matter how much water MJ and Ned encourage him to drink. Peter isn't yet completely certain which side of his scale the doctor falls on, but he's guessing it's likely the first.)

(The man seemed to live in the grey areas; fitting that with this, too, he'd reside in the in between.)

The reverse effect is in play and he grins, genuine and wide, when he catches it. "Monsters are visiting more frequently, taking up space in the light." His nightmares had intensified recently, and they're starting to accompany him even in moments Peter knows are real; shapes drifting by the corner of his eye. As a coping tactic, he rips parts of his nails off. Not entirely, just the corners. His mind could concoct lots of things, but in his dreams his hands are always pristine.

(He hasn't caught up with it, hasn't noticed that although his nightmares have a clearness to them, a bright intensity, Peter can't shift enough focus to realize his hands aren't his own. They never are. But he usually has more pressing bodies to deal with than the good doctor's.)

Another pause, this one being done by Tony Stark, doctor and healer of men, instead of Doctor Stark, curious keeper of deranged souls. "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe this will help." Peter peers over the edge of the grey hammock, watches with interest as the doctor approaches his cell with a glass bottle of clear liquid sloshing inside. The other man stops an inch away from the bars, looks up at Peter.

There's a slow tension simmering between them, something as thick and addictive as honey. There's scientific curiosity, a desire to seek out and maybe comprehend the unknown lurking inside their mirror image, as other and as alike as oneself. But there is also a gleam of something he's afraid of acknowledging in Doctor Stark's eyes. A madness once tucked away steadily unraveling itself with each glance they share.

Peter returns the look, unblinking and thinking. " 'If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' " A lesson Nietzsche offered to those wise enough, sane enough to live blind.

The doctor raises an eyebrow, is otherwise still. Sometimes, if Peter considers their current predicament for too long, his grasp on his masks loosens, and the Spider begins to spin its deadly thread round and round its very own body. He sees a guard exchange money with a partner; the crazy quota has, he guesses, been filled for the week. And they had such a nice streak going on, too. Oh, well. This web is unavoidable anyways.

He pitches himself forward, is the one who controls the descent instead of gravity this time. Letting the air rush up to meet him, he inhales, tastes a distinct sharpness around him. Crouching, Peter takes it all in, every last detail. Looks, really looks, at the doctor and suspects.

As if he were none the wiser, he calmly heads to the front of the cell. Meets the doctor at the divide and wonders what it'll be. Wonders if he'll rise higher than ash and flame, an acrobat testing the fates by flying just seconds ahead of death. Doctor Stark hands him the bottle and he can see now, tiny pieces of lavender. A distraction for the guards. "That should keep the monsters in the dark. Use it before you got to sleep and tuck away your hair."

Like a schoolgirl with a crush, he self consciously brings a hand to his curls. They're getting a bit long, but the warden only allows haircuts once a month or two. "I don't have anything to use." Digging into his lab coat, the other man retrieves a single black stick.

Well, to everyone else it's a hair pin. Peter knows the truth though, can see it and smell it and very nearly touch it. As it is, he gently plucks the items out of elegant hands and refuses to look at them. Looking draws attention. Doctor Stark gazes at his face, eyes flickering in a rehearsed way around his own, but not into them. That's alright, he understands.

"The lack of movement around your face should also help." The question of why is out before he can reel it in and act as a sane, normal person. Christ, he could handle crazy, not rude. He would have to practice being in control so as not to slip up when the doctor is around. Said doctor cocks his head, doesn't have to do anything more for Peter to get the message: go on, ask the devil why he made the deal.

Peter B Parker does not back down when intrigued. "Why are you helping me sleep better?"

Why help me escape?

"It's my duty." Three words. Not the explicit declaration of affection typical, normal, dull people receive from an admirer or partner. Not a grand proclamation of wanting what the heart wants, or a sonnet regarding the connection between star crossed paramours. Simple, short, concise; enough to turn to religion, to sanctity and salvation if it means hearing it again. He'd do anything, including putting on a discarded mask from his past if it gets him what he desires. Peter would suffer through sanity for this man. He would if it means hearing what sounds silent to those around them.

You're my duty. Whatever happens tonight, Doctor Stark believes it's his duty to see it through. To see him through, in a way.

"Why would you accept?" Ah, silly doc thinking any of his principles have changed since the first time they met, since the first time he brought fire to life and gave death in return. Peter smiles, brings forth the prisoner that had not seen the light of day in almost a decade.

(His uncle often said Peter's greatest gift to the world was his smile, his true smile. His aunt said it was the final move needed to capture a king and make him his pawn.)

"Why, doc, you know I hate to be bored." Call him a psycho, a freak, a sick, pitiful creature. Call him anything and everything and maybe those words would ring true. But Peter will never allow himself to be bored, not when there's so much fun to be had. Especially with a doctor as crazy as he is. "This looks...promising."

" 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.' " The first part of Nietzsche's warning.

"Nietzsche didn't understand; those who fought monsters were already fated to become what they struggled to defeat. They believed salvation could be found by killing the monsters outside, but all they did was feed the ones inside."

Anthony Stark, the truest version, grins at him, all glinting eyes, sharp teeth and a crooked smile. Peter Parker, armed with a match, gasoline and soon to be glass shards, grins right back. In this instant, being crazy isn't such a hassle. After all, he has someone to share the crazy with now.

[dawn-of-tomorrow]

PGR COMMANDANT Q & A

FINALLY TOOK THE TIME TO ANSWER THIS-- ssdsjdlksd

link to OG post here! (made by @punishing-gray-raven-ocs)

1) How do you feel about being a Commandant? Are you proud of your job? Terrified of failing at your job?

Higetsu: Honestly speaking, it's nothing new compared to what I went through in the past-- just that now I've become an authority figure that has to lead people. ...Truthfully, however, a little unnerving, but it has to be done, and I knew what I was getting into when I decided to become one.

Yoko: Mhhmm... it's tough, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes I have to make decisions I personally don't like but the situation demands it, and it ends up not sitting right with me. ...That's why an occasional loophole exploitation here and there is fine in spare amounts, ain't it~?

(Higetsu: Who the hell taught you to think like that-- you know what, never mind, I'd be shooting myself in the foot if I finished that sentence. // Yoko: *giggles, does a victory pose*)

2) Why did you become Commandant in the first place? How did you become a Commandant?

Yoko: Brother and I decided to become a Commandant to honor mom's memory. It sounds kinda childish to have that as a reason to take up a career as dangerous as this, but, at least to me (though I'm sure brother shares the same sentiment as I do), mom was everything to us, so we wanted to experience what she did, see the sights she did-- all the good and bad.

Higetsu: "That person", huh... Speaking of which, the relatively-fresh flowers at that grave--... No, it's nothing. In any case, "that person" took us in as her children after finding us in the remnants of our old home, bringing us back to Babylonia, to her home and husband. Well, things went as you can see, no?

3) How do your Constructs feel about your leadership skills? Are they comfortable with you? Do they fear you?

Higetsu: There's no issues at the moment with either Strike Hawk or Gray Raven. After all, if there was any problem, either Chrome or Lucia would've told me. ...Leading isn't my strongest skill, though, and sometimes they worry me. Actually, scratch that, not sometimes, FREQUENTLY. Haaaahh.

Yoko: Hrmm~... honestly, I'm not entirely too confident with my leadership skills, and the others often say that I'm a bit too lenient when it comes to dealing with Gray Raven, but... they're still people, you know? I don't want them to get hurt too much, but they don't seem to value their own lives as much as I'd wish they do...

4) Do you think the war against the Corrupted will ever come to an end?

Yoko: It will certainly come, I know it. As long as everyone continues to fight for a future, a future where we can all live in peace, then I believe that this war will come to an end. Be it in our lifetime, or the next generation.

Higetsu: ... Honestly speaking, I'm not as optimistic as Yoko. This war has been going on for a century at this point, and we are still barely scratching the surface of our objectives; that and it would seem like a bunch of rats managed to infiltrate the higher-ups. ...In any case, while I do think that the odds are stacked against us, it doesn't mean I don't believe that, one day, this entire hell will come to an end.

5) Are you in love with anyone? What drew you to them?

Higetsu: ....No comment.

Yoko: Brother~~!! It's no fun if you don't answer a harmless question like this~~!! Or do you want me to talk about your ex-penpal--

Higetsu: I evoke my right to remain silent, and DON'T YOU DARE- LIKE I KEEP SAYING, WE WERE ONLY FRIENDS-- Don't make me not let you come to the Oasis with me next time.

Yoko: Hrrmph...! Fiiine~. In any case, I'll answer here right now. I--

Higetsu: It's Lee. We all know it, you're way too obvious in your affections for him.

Yoko: Ehehe... E-Ehem--! I-In any case~~ the things I like about Lee, gosh, there's so many I might not be able to tell everything (and it would take too long)--!

Higetsu: Then just list off the top 3 things you like about him (to shorten the exposition).

Yoko: Hmmm, top 3 things about Lee, huh.... well, for starters, I like his caring nature; it's not that obvious at first glance, but he really does care about the people around him, so much so that while he may gripe and verbally snark at others, in the end he chooses to do good by them and will protect them. Secondly, I like his focus and determination; he's a man of his word, and he doesn't make promises lightly, seeing them as something that must be upheld in sincerity-- ehe, his face whenever he's working on his tools and machinery is something I can't ever not look at. Thirdly, I like him; he's equally easily flustered and annoyed by a lot of things, but at the same time, he's also very serious and earnest in what he sets out to do; he's not honest with himself, but his actions speak for itself. ....That got long, didn't it?

Higetsu: Very much so.

Yoko: Ehe~.

6) If you had to choose between saving your squad, or saving yourself to make sure you would fight on in their honor, which would you choose?

Yoko: Both. I would save myself and my squad. I won't accept any other option; rather, if there's no other option, then I WILL force that third option in!

Higetsu: Logically speaking, both of my squads would tell me to survive and live another day, and I would agree with that. ...However, such a thing doesn't sit well with me. Even if there's only the tiniest sliver of a possibility that I could save them, no matter how reckless or dangerous it may be, then I'd save the Strike Hawks and Gray Ravens.

7) You have to make a difficult choice that will affect your squad and another squad. Which squad do you prioritize? Why?

Higetsu: We can't always save people from out of our reach, so it's best to protect the ones closest to you.

Yoko: But if there's a chance that we could help them, then--

Higetsu: ...I know. ...In the end, it's your choice to do what you think is right, Yoko.

Yoko: ...Yeah. I get it. Brother wants to protect me, Gray Raven, and Strike Hawk, even at the cost of other's lives.... that's why I wish to save the others too.

8) Who is your least favorite Construct/person to be around? Why?

Higetsu: Nanami.

Yoko: EEEHHH!??! Why?! Nanami's fun to be around!!

Higetsu: Shall I list off the reasons?

Yoko: ....Ok you have a point, but she's not at all that bad--!!

Higetsu: True, but the amount of headaches she causes us is just... haaaah.

Yoko: Ah, you're starting to sound like Watanabe. Is Brother becoming an uncle now? (laughs)

Higetsu: ...I'm leaving.

Yoko: Wait I was just kidding-- brother-- BROTHER--!!! (We're not even finished with answering the questions yet~!!)

Higetsu: Just kidding.

Yoko: Really--!! (pout)

Higetsu: (amused chuckle) What about you, Yoko?

Yoko: Eh? Me? Hmm.... I suppose... it would have to be Gabriel. It's a first that I'm saying this but, I really do hate him.

Higetsu: ... Don't worry, I can say the same thing.

9) What other Commandants would you like to meet? (a clear invitation for you to involve any of my Commandants lol, because I'm always up for interacting with others)

Yoko: I'm always happy to meet other Commandants~. It's always nice to meet your colleagues whenever, especially during off-work hours.

Higetsu: Except Vanessa though. I'd rather not deal with her again.

Yoko: Ehehe... Brother, you're making a scary face right now~. In any case, I've always wanted to meet Qiu, Ash, Xiao, Kyrie, and Noir!

Higetsu: Aaaah, them. They're interesting people, not gonna lie.

10) What will you do once the war is over? Will you miss leading your squad, or will you be happy that the war is over?

Higetsu: What will I do after the war is over? ...I haven't actually put any thought into what I would do after this is all over. What about you, Yoko?

Yoko: Hmmm... honestly, I wanna join the Association of Arts, specifically the Archaeological team! Because, you know, by then, there would be no more worry of the Punishing attacking, and we could finally be able to recover in peace the remnants of the Golden Age. I want to see it all-- what other stuff left have we not unearthed from the sands of time, what potential wonders are there left from the past. ...And of course, I wanna settle down with Lee someday too, ehe.

Higetsu: I see. You've really thought about this through, huh.

Yoko: Only a little, and just fairly recently. ...Not gonna lie, I'm gonna end up missing these days; where we're all together, even through pain and suffering, because there are still a lot of good moments to cherish.

Higetsu: But it doesn't mean that you have to cut off your connections, now does it. So long as you still value them wholeheartedly and sincerely, those bonds you hold close to you will never die out.

Yoko: Aaawww, brother, you're being finally honest~! (pokes)

Higetsu: ....Shut it. (pout)

Yoko: What about you, brother? What're you gonna do after the war ends?

Higetsu: Like I said, I don't know, since I haven't thought of it yet. ...But, I suppose quietly settling down somewhere would be nice.

Yoko: Oh, right, speaking of which-- didn't Watanabe extend an offer for us to join the Oasis? ...Don't tell me, brother is thinking--

Higetsu: No, I am not.

Yoko: But you ARE thinking about it, yes?

Higetsu: ....

Yoko: Hehe~. To be fair, the Oasis isn't so bad. The people there are really nice and warm. They really do seem to be people just trying to live and get by, helping and supporting each other.

[pricemarshfield]

for candia

Written for Day 1 of @acocweek​: Fluff + Theobald. Read on AO3 here.

Theobald, as always, is the first awake.

Things are different than they used to be, of course. He wakes up with a marauder curled into his side murmuring violent nothings in her sleep and a licorice snake biting his hand affectionately, rather than alone. The guards are made up of a mix of Tartguard and North-Gumbian Knights and Saccharina's collection of nobodies that Theo has yet to corral into training. Saccharina lets him sit at her side during every meeting--encourages it, actually, wonders aloud about round tables and councils and more democratic processes of enacting law in front of visiting dignitaries who stare at her staff with wonderment and fear.

There's also still a tangible air of mourning around the place, too. One of the Tartguard started wailing when he saw Princess for the first time, and they'll be repairing the damage to the castle for years.

But what a job to supervise all of this!

"Limey," Theo says with a nod to his new second-in-command, who salutes. "What news do we have for the day?"

"Nothing much, sir," says Limey. "Her Majesty the Queen Saccharina continues to insist we don't need to salute her, but we've maintained proper etiquette anyway."

"Fantastic," Theo says. "Continue on."

"There is one thing," Limey says, and his tone is more confused than nervous, so he doesn't reach for the battle pop. "All of the left shoes in the barracks disappeared overnight."

"...what?"

"All of the left shoes in the barracks disappeared overnight, sir," Limey says. "No one saw anything, and while that's not an especially expensive thing to replace, it is worrying that someone was able to slip past our defenses."

Ordinarily, Theo would be incredibly worried about someone who could sneak into the barracks and out without being spotted, especially carrying what must have been dozens of shoes. But he hears a familiar snort from somewhere above him. When he looks up, no one's there, but that's to be expected. She's good.

"I'll retrieve those shoes posthaste, Limey," Theobald says. "Tell the men not to worry."

"They're not, mostly," Limey says, but Theo's already wandered off, holding his arm out so Princess can keep an eye out, too. She doesn't seem to be especially invested, snoozing on his arm and hissing when he tries to lower it.

"Ruby," Theo calls. "I know you're nearby. Come on."

No response, no sound of footsteps, no flickering shadows. This'll take the big guns.

---

"Ruby did what?" Saccharina says, lounging on her throne, and bursts into a fit of giggles.

"My Queen," Theo says, a familiar headache already forming behind his eyes. "This is serious."

"Sure, yeah," Saccharina says. "All the left shoes in the barracks? Even Jon Bon's? Oh, that's gross. Wait, is everyone just hopping around? Also, just call me Saccharina."

"My Queen Saccharina," he says, and she frowns at him, fiddling with a small magical trinket she'd found somewhere in the castle. "The morale of the men is important. We were able to take the castle without heavy losses, but not without losses entirely."

"Hm." The Queen stands up, shakes her head when he automatically moves to kneel. "She is the Imperial Princess now, and I don't think pranks are gonna hurt morale. Tell whoever's in charge of it that I authorize new shoes to be bought. I've got this whole treasury now, anyway, what else would I do with it?"

Theo takes a deep breath. "I think--" Saccharina waits, raising a brow at Theo's pause. He doesn't normally get this far. "I think that Ruby should probably apologize. And return the shoes."

Saccharina's mischievous smile looks a lot like her sister's. "Sure. And you can tell her that if you can find her."

There's a sudden laugh from behind him, and when Theo swings his head around, he sees only the back of the throne room.

He sighs. In for a long day, apparently.

---

The Imperial Princess Ruby of House Rocks doesn't have tutors here. She's on vacation, officially and in practice. Well-deserved after the war, of course, even if Theo doesn't understand the appeal of a week or month or two without structure. He'd have thought, after everything, that pranks were beneath her, that perhaps she'd even take an active role in governance!

Instead, Ruby seems to have decided Saccharina's challenge for Theo to find her cannot go unmet.

He hasn't seen her all day, even though the Bulb is high in the sky, but the impact of her actions is everywhere. Frosting along the floors that he slipped on, causing a Tartguard pile-up. Little bursts of sparks set to trigger when he opens doors and windows that startle him enough that Princess bites him. The worst offender is when he turns down a hallway only to see piles and piles of shoes, because when he gets back, they're all gone. The other Knights of North-Gumbia, to their credit, are completely understanding.

"The princesses were always fond of japes, weren't they, sir?" Limey asks. Princess hisses and curls around his neck in what he thinks is an affectionate gesture.

"They were," Theo says. Once, he'd woken up, sat up, and stretched only to get a tray of whipped cream directly to the face. Jet and Ruby hadn't been half as good at stealthing away as Ruby is now, but it'd taken him long enough to wipe it off his face that he'd only seen Jet glance back and snort with laughter.

Nothing had happened. Caramelinda had been visiting House Meringue for a family wedding and Amethar had found it hysterical. They had apologized in their own way, after--no escape attempts for an entire fortnight.

He shakes himself of his nostalgia with the help of Princess biting his ear, and as he gently untangles her from his helmet, he says, "Right. Well, keep the search up. She can't hide from us forever."

---

Two days, six hours, and roughly thirty minutes after he makes that statement, he's not so sure. No one's admitted to seeing Ruby, though Saccharina's eyes had sparkled with mirth and kept glancing up to a corner behind him as if daring him to break court etiquette and check. He's checked the secret passages he knows, he's enlisted the help of the marauders (Swifty had only threatened to stab him once during the conversation, so he thinks they're genuinely looking), he's used every spell he knows and considered looking up new ones.

New pranks pop up around the castle, of course. A few meeps let loose in the hallways, frightening a visiting dignitary. Flooding one of the kitchens with cola. Cushions that make it sound like you're farting on every chair except the throne.

"Ruby seems to be sparing you from her onslaught," Theo says to the Queen, watching as Annabelle Cheddar stares at herself in one of the room's mirrors, hair turned a bright Candian purple.

"Yeah," Saccharina says with a wide smile. "She is! It's really cool! I've never had anyone comfortable enough around me who cared me enough to do pranks without me being the target!"

Theo, not knowing how to respond to that, is incredibly thankful for the sixth prank of the day: an explosion of scraps of paper that covers every inch of the room. The paper seems to be mostly made up of old letters from the other nations. They're important, and them being destroyed is terrible, and they will have words about it later, but he can't bring himself to mind too much right now.

Because with all the paper everywhere, he sees the little breeze she makes in her escape, and the direction she runs in after.

---

If he chases after her now, he'll lose her, and who knows if he'll ever get another lucky break like that again. So he waits. Endures waking up covered in Fructeran vino, deals with diplomats' outrage at not being greeted by the Imperial Princess herself, keeps checking secret passages in entirely different parts of the castle just to throw her off the trail. He doesn't say anything to anyone about it, because he's not especially good at deception.

The final prank: a veritable army of chocolate frogs released while Saccharina holds court. It explains why she's been holding back laughter the entire time, but that's a problem for later. For now, he sprints across the room, vaulting over one of the Tartguard, and heads in the direction he'd seen her run before.

There's a few secret passageways this way, but he's checked those. When he reaches a dead end, he looks around, thinks--casts knock on the wall. Sure enough, it pushes open, and on the other side is Ruby Rocks, mouth open in shock.

"Ruby!" Theo calls.

"Damn it," she says. "How'd you even--it doesn't matter."

"You have many things to apologize for, your Imperial Highness," Theo says, walking over to try and pick her up and carry her back to the throne room. She could escape, probably, but it's at least a start.

"That's not true!" Ruby says. "I've been helping a ton of people."

"What, people who needed specifically left shoes? Annabelle secretly asked you to dye her hair purple?" Ruby snorts. "See! Come on, Princess."

"No, seriously," Ruby says. "Look, I did this because it's funny, but it's bringing the mood up around here! Morale!"

Theo blinks at her. "What? Stealing people's things? Ruining their day?"

"Pranks," Ruby says with a nod. "Look. Pay attention to the way people are acting and talking about all of it. I'll be back here in a few hours if you still wanna try and get me grounded."

"Your sister's not going to ground you," Theo says, and Ruby grins up at him.

It's definitely a trick. He's fallen for similar tricks before. He shouldn't this time.

"If you're not back here," Theo says, and Ruby laughs, half-tackles him in a hug, runs past him, and jumps out a window. He doesn't hear a thud or yelp of pain, so he assumes it's probably fine.

He hadn't even thought to check outside, had he? Hopefully, she'll keep her word and he won't have to. Not much else to do now that she's already escaped.

---

When he walks back to the throne room, Saccharina's holding a chocolate frog with a look of fascination and disgust, Primsy's already got one in a box that she's attempting to feed sugar-grass, and Liam is visibly holding himself back from target practice, hands twitching towards his crossbow.

"I must say," he overhears one of the Tartguard say as he takes his place by Saccharina's left side. (Gooey's at the right, still. Had very, very easily won that argument.) "While these pranks are quite improper, you can't deny they're incredibly humorous!"

"Good sir!" says another Tartguard, and one of the marauders behind him rolls her eyes, but has a smile on her face too. "I have to say, I agree. It was nice to have a bit of liveliness around here!"

One of the Fructeran diplomats is upset, but soothed easily after his partner reminds him that he can tell this story before the Imperial Court, always so focused on adventures. The Dairy Islanders seem more excited to avoid courtly talk than anything. One Meatlander is holding a chocolate frog with a look that can only be described as adoring, even as it shits in his hand.

All-in-all, the atmosphere of the room is rather...jovial. Not at all like the quiet mournfulness of the first week of their reign. There's still the holes in some of the walls from their siege, and there's still the palpable loss of the chancellor and the princess, but people seem happy. People are laughing.

When he goes back to the secret passageway--opened apparently by twisting a statue of Sapphria so that she's facing the window--Ruby's there, shifting on her feet.

"You do have to return the shoes," Theo says, and Ruby's shoulders slump. "But--"

"Yes!" Ruby says. "I knew you'd get it. Well, I hoped you'd get it. Gooey's mellowed you out."

"I--that's--we're not talking about Gooey," Theo blusters. "The shoes need to go back."

Ruby snorts. "I did that so we'd get new shoes. Dad told me all about trench foot."

"What?" Theo says. "That's not even a little bit of an appropriate topic for conversation. Especially at court. If you'd just go to your lessons--"

"I don't even have lessons here," Ruby says, and he's so distracted by responding to that with an emphatic 'you should' that he doesn't notice the tray of whipped cream until it's already in his face.

"Bye, Theo!" Ruby calls, already dashing away from him.

He sighs. "Bye, Ruby."

[votederpycausemufins]

And this is the end of the story. Sort of. I’m going to do one or two more ‘chapters’ that are more just... you guys send me asks about the story and I’ll compile them into a chapter or two. it can be stuff like ‘i didn’t fully understand this’ or ‘can you tell more about that’ or ‘what if X happened instead.’ I’m also doing this on the Ao3 side since more people have been commenting there, but you can still use my inbox or leave messages on this post itself, whatever works for you.

Of course, all this is possibly due to the Hermit!Tommy au being created by @petrichormeraki

Mumbo groaned as he woke up, most of his body aching for some reason. Looking around, he was glad to see he was in his own bed at least. Next to him, curled up in the covers was Jrumbot who seemed to be hooked up to his redstone chargers. Mumbo patted his son’s head before pushing himself up so he could look around.

Grumbot was propped up in a nearby chair, also asleep and charging. The door to the room was cracked open and Mumbo could hear voices coming from somewhere behind it. His eyes were then drawn to an item frame with a mask of his robot skin. At least it seemed to be similar if not exactly the same. Most likely Grian had hung it up because he sure didn’t himself.

Mumbo dragged himself out of bed and walked towards whoever was talking. Getting closer, he could recognise Tommy and Grian’s voices, but there seemed to be a third person there as well. It was probably someone from Tommy’s old world, so Mumbo wasn’t too worried.

Before he could quite tell what exactly they were discussing, they stopped as Grian noticed Mumbo walking their way. “Mumbo! You’re awake!” The avian went over and hugged Mumbo before pulling him over and using the redstoner as something to lean against, nearly pushing him over in the process. “How are you feeling?

“Like I got crushed working on a redstone project with pistons. What are you wearing?” Mumbo saw Grian’s Watcher mask, not having seen it before.

“Oh this? Well… uh, you hit your head pretty hard back there, what do you remember?” Even though the mask covered Grian’s eyes, he could tell that the avian was sending glances to Tommy and the other person in the room.

“I remember up to confronting Dream after we got you back. But much after that is a bit fuzzy. I still remember bits and pieces of course.”

“Told ya.” The unfamiliar voice spoke and Mumbo finally got the chance to turn and look where their guest was sitting. He almost drew his weapon when he saw them, but he held himself back.

“Why’s Dream here?” Mumbo hazarded a glance back to Grian, hoping for an answer but Tommy was the one to answer instead.

“Not Dream, this is Drista. She’s Dream’s sister but she’s cool.” Mumbo accepted that answer as he could see the resemblance with their taste for similar mask styles.

“Yep, sorry about that. You panicked and attacked and I clocked you over the head.” Mumbo frowned at her cheerful tone but then Grian spoke and drew his attention away from the girl.

“As for the mask, while I’m mostly fine, there’s still some stuff I’m recovering from and the Watchers panicked since someone was able to mess with me and gave me a prescription for these. I might even keep them because it helps me not go crazy when in a Watcher State.”

Mumbo nodded, glad for the explanation. Then he turned his attention to Tommy. “Tommy? I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I wasn’t in a good headspace at the time. I of course can’t recall everything I was thinking at the time, but either way, I want to apologize.”

Tommy just rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Grian told we what shit was going on since he talked with you. It doesn’t fucking matter.”

Mumbo started to open his mouth to reply, but Grian stopped him. “Can you go wake the kids? They’ve been charging for a while and I think they’ll want to be up now that you’re awake.” The Redstoner hesitated, but did agree and headed back to his room. Once he was far enough away, Grian sighed. “That was close.”

“I’m sure he won’t have a complete mental breakdown if you bring up the VGs.” Drista said, leaning back against the wall behind her. “If anything happens, just slap the mask back on and then pull it off, it should pull it away.”

Grian crossed his arms, wings folding tightly behind him. Even though they couldn’t see his face well, he still looked down to the ground. “It still doesn’t feel right. He essentially is always going to have one part of his life he can’t remember.”

Drista gave an exasperated groan. “Oh stop complaining! He wanted this because he wanted to stay with you for whatever reason. He can always just stay a Vault God and you can never see him again. How’s that sound?” Grian was quiet. “That’s what I thought. Welp, now that we know he’s fine, I’m out of here.” And then she was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tubbo didn’t stay with Crumb and Sparklez for too long, needing to get admin training from Xisuma with Ranboo. Xisuma would not admit to a single person how many times he needed to take something for the headaches he got from teaching the two of them, but after interacting with the other smp members, he was perfectly fine with the current pair.

The smp island didn’t last long as members griefed it so many times that Scar finally threw his hat down and said he wouldn’t fix it anymore. He tried two more times after that, but it was the principle of the matter. The area was moved further away to a larger chunk of land that wasn’t too close to anyone’s base so that way the smp members could still have a place to start in Hermittown but also have areas to expand to. Most people went back and forth, though Philza seemed to be taking up a permanent residence in the town. 

Grumbot went to visit his grandpa once, but he quickly was given the rule of not being able to go alone after that when he immediately tried to set up an election for mayor of the town. Techno tried to attack him, but he forgot the details of Grumbot being a robot, specifically one that had extensive knowledge of political figures, and Techno being both a former prince and an anarchist, the bot had a good idea of how to defend against the warrior. He still needed repairs when Grian arrived to scold him, but no one died.

After Tubbo had learned enough from Xisuma, he went back to traveling around with his dad and Crumb. It would never be longer than a week, but it was painfully obvious when he was gone as Tommy would seem down. At the very least there were a few times that Tommy was able to go along with Tubbo to see the sights.

Tommy and Mumbo eventually warmed up to each other again, mainly because Grian forced them to do more things together. They finally seemed to officially be on good terms after dragging a few smp members into Hermit Challenges together.

Grian attempted another war, which started poorly as the smp members jumped to conclusions and escalated on their own. Tubbo and Ranboo had to step in to stop it for the hermits to give them a rundown of how wars worked on the server. There were a few hiccups after that, but for the most part, things went well.

After Hbomb had first gotten a tour of the server and had seen Cub’s base, he ended up mining a large amount of ancient debris and making a wall of it on the smp side as a social experiment. It lasted longer than he thought, but still didn’t last all that long. After a few weeks he made a second one and was pleasantly surprised to see it stand longer than the first had.

With Dream gone, things started to calm down for the smp members, but a number of them still tended to wake up thinking things were back how they used to be. Mumbo ended up buying a space close to Odea and making a therapy shop which did quite well. He was also pleasantly surprised to see the Odea store suddenly getting sales as the smp members seemed to actually want the services.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grian sat on the railing on the balcony of his mansion, right under the large G. Next to him was Tommy and they looked down at the two teams of four people doing a barge box quest. Grian specifically wanted two hermits and smp members on each team for a better balance and he had even reduced the prices for the smp members specifically. Sure it was a competition, but really Grian wanted the two worlds to get along.

“Didn’t Scar say you did this in the last one?” Tommy looked over at Grian who didn’t take his eyes off the people below.

“Hmm, sort of. It’s a little different. They’re placing blocks instead of putting them in the chest. Mumbo helped with the redstone for it. It cycles placing blocks inside so you can’t just take them all out and not do anything. There’s a delay once the last block is out so after a short bit they’ll get their note saying where to fly to next.”

Tommy nodded, glad Mumbo wasn’t the one telling him this and making it sound even more complicated. “How’s he doing by the way? That war got a little crazy near the end.”

“He’s fine. I made up some excuse for the mask. Accidentally overcharged it with Watcher magic so only for extreme emergencies.”

“Sorry for being busy end-busting.”

“Not your fault. It sounds like it was fun.”

Tommy laughed. “Yeah, Tubbo only tried cheating once. Xisuma noticed almost immediately and called him up to scold him. I didn’t even realize he was doing it in the middle of a fight.”

“Speaking of, why didn’t Tubbo bring you back when he teleported home to deal with things?”

“So we could continue once he was done with that. We want to kick back and relax, not get in another war.”

“Oh, I see how it is. Our wars are too good for you!”

Tommy and Grian laughed until Grian noticed one group start flying off, the second group not that far behind. “Alright, time to head to the third checkpoint. You want a head start before I beat you there?”

“Hey Big G, that’s not fair. You got those fucking wings of yours.”

“That’s why you get a head start.” Grian smirked, making Tommy realize what was about to happen and he immediately jumped off the balcony and used a rocket to propel himself in the direction of the next checkpoint.

“See you later bird boy!”

“Not if I get you first!” Grian yelled back. He would give Tommy a few minutes, but then the gloves were off. He loved how grumpy Tommy looked when he carried the blond while flying. And any chance to make a little game of it was something Grian liked. “Alright, that’s enough time.” And then he was in the air, flying off towards his brother.

[themadauthorshatter]

A lot of you seem to really like that Swap AU for Red Queen, so...

Time for a Part 2!!!!!

Like with Glass Sword, we start with Mare and crew on a train, Shade next to her while the rest their rifles aimed at Maven, who sits resolutely.

Kilorn is especially pissed because he doesn't trust the crown prince's younger brother, nor even when the bastard almost got all of them killed. Twice.

Maven snips that he was at fault for the second time, but Kilorn's stupider than he already is, if he thinks Maven palnned for Ptolemus to survive and come came to hunt them all down.

Mare barks at Maven to shut up, but Kilorn is more direct, punching the traitor prince in the nose.

Before he can do more, Farley calls him off, telling him he can kick Maven's ass later, when they're not on the train.

Reluctantly, Kilorn backs off and leaves Maven to wipe his nose off.

Mare, in an effort to diffuse the tension, asks where they're all going, anyway.

Shade and Farley glance at each other, then to Maven, before Shade explains they're on their way to Tuck.

Both Mare and Maven are confused, but there's no time for questions because they get attacked, as in their train gets derailed and is crushed like a tin can, chasing everyone outside.

ACTION TIME!!!!!!

Everyone hightails it out as they and the rest of the team with them fight off Silver forces. Their main goal is to get to what looks like a cliffside; Farley points to it and shouts they run there.

Mare notices the sudden lack of Maven, but shakes it off; he can either die or catch up somehow, it's every man for himself right now.

Mare does well in fending for herself, like before, but that stops when she's found and surrounded by a huge number of Silvers who are not afraid to rittle her with bullets, if she does anything.

The only reason they ARE afraid is because their General gave them a very strict order to not shoot unless he says so.

And this General is Cal, who instantly notices that Maven is missing and asks Mare where he is.

Mare challenges him, wondering if he's planning on shooting his brother himself, if she gives him up.

Cal snaps, asking if she's really defending someone who betrayed her, after lying to her for so long.

Mare still doesn't reveal that Maven ran, and instead growls that if Cal's trying to bring her back, it won't work, because she's not getting her family killed with her.

And she sure as hell isn't trusting the person who screwed her over in the first place.

Those words put a hole in Cal's chest and he turns to whoever is his second in command.

"Open fire."

The poor bastard doesn't get a chance to do anything because Mare brings the plane(I think it's a Snap Dragon?) down, and blue flames fly out and drive away most of the Silvers.

Turns out Maven didn't run far at all, and instead gestures for Mare to run for the cliffside, which she does.

Mare and Maven cover themselves and each other, even as Cal says, 'fuck it,' and gives chase, the boys engage in a firefight from a distance.

Before things can get serious, Mare and Maven make it the cliffside and jump, Cal shouting that they can't run or hide forever. They will be found, and they will pay for their crimes, one way or another, regardless of their rank or the color of their blood. Even if Cal has to be the one to find them and execute them, they will face justice.

Mare and Maven find themselves in the submarine like before and Maven is made to stick around because no one wants to go looking for him, should he decide to run off and get lost.

It's here that Maven expresses that if Cal's hunting them, then they're all on borrowed time, 'them' being him, Mare, the Scarlet Guard, and any Newbloods Elara bothered to remember.

While he gets patched up, Shade asks why that's such a big deal, seeing as how they managed to get away.

Maven makes it clear: Cal does not know how to sit still. He's a hunter, a GOOD hunter. He'll solve problems with action, not words. He has an entire legion at his command, too, and both Samos children on his side.

And Cal can't think for himself to save his life. Most of his decisions come from someone else.

And guess who decided that Mare, Maven, and the Guard need to be erased?

It paints a clear picture for everyone, and Farley asks Mare to think about the Newbloods and try to remember any specific names, or pick out someone they need to pick up before leaving.

Mare doesn't have too long to think because they arrive at Tuck.

It's raining and pouring, but the group still gets to the surface, where Mare reunites with Bree. (Hooray!)

And Maven is captured by the Colonel.

Unlike before, there is and isn't a rush to find the Newbloods, there is because Elara and Tibe can pull the names of on a computer, print a list, and have them all killed, but there isn't because they need to look through the blood base to find the names, which will probably take a while because no Silver ever pays a Red any mind.

Mare still wants to go and talks Shade, Farley, Kilorn into helping, but also stipulates that she needs to bring Maven with, because he knows the most as a Silver she doesn't trust him in his own(Sure, good cover).

They're agaunst the idea, but Kilorn caves and helps her get Maven out.

Speaking of Maven, what's he been doing? Simple. Trying to find a way out without going inside. Elara's in his head and he can't get her to leave.

He's been in his cell for a few days, but has been more cooperative than Cal, turning his back to eat, not beating his knuckles bloody, and even trying to rearrange so he doesn't absolutely lose it.

He's chilling against the wall when Mare and Kilorn come in, and he's so excited to see BOTH of them for a change.

Neither really notice how the acrylic is scuffed up.

At least until Kilorn throws Mare in and locks them both inside of the cell.

They're left anger and unhappy and, after some back and forth, Mare asks what Maven about Tuck.

He admits he doesn't know much; geography was more up Cal's league, but Mare doesn't have Cal with her, she has Maven, and he apologizes for not being what or who she wants.

Mare doesn't respond and they remain silent for up to a few days.

In one of those days, Maven has a really bad phantom Elara headache, and from all the stress of what's happened.

While they sit across from each other, Mare against one wall and Maven against the other, Maven cluthes his head and screams until he runs out of breath, which he catches before screaming again.

Mare, out of curiosity and having similar feelings, after realizing what she said to Cal and how she's in over her head, joins him.

It feels good to get it out, so she keeps going.

Both scream until they're sick of it and sit back against the wall, sitting side by side.

They're met up by the Colonel, who comments in both the layout of the room and literally screaming matching before cutting to the trace.

The crown prince made an offer they can't refuse: one of the traitors for the removal of the measures as a whole. It doesn't matter which one, they just need one of them alive, and the Colonel wants to keep Mare around, for the sake of the 'Newbloods' Julien told her about.

Maven, not exactly buying it, asks why they only need ONE of them when both would be more valuable.

The Colonel warns him not to get cocky, but Maven pieces it together:

The COLONEL offered one in return for both, seeing as how both Mare and Maven have seen the list. All Elara really needs is one of them, and then she, Tibe, and Cal have access to find and hunt down the Newbloods. After that, they'll probably kill him.

Maven, understanding there's no real way he's getting out of this(if he refuses, Mare's getting sent to them instead, and then he'll have to deal with the fact he got her killed and her grieving friend and family), asks when he'll be leaving.

The Colonel nods and states whenever the jet is ready. Just as he leaves to let Maven and Mare say goodbye, he tells Maven that enough men and women have been killed, so with his death, at least he'll stop children from following.

Maven and Mare watch him leave.

Only to see him fall back.

Kilorn has returned with Farley and Shade in toe, Farley holding up a set of keys to the cell.

Like before, they leave via the Black Run, but this time it's Farley that has to pilot because Cal's not around in this timeline- I mean, AU.😁

Also like before, after some discourse from Kilorn and and maybe teasing from Shade(because he calls Maven the 'little prince' to be harmless), they find Nix Marsten, and if he beat the daylights out of Cal, he beats THE EVER AND NEVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF MAVEN.

Did he lead his daughters to their deaths? No.

Was he there with Cal when it was planned that they take a legion across a river/waterfall? Yes.

Was he known for instilling a little bit of reasoning in Cal? Yes.

Did he do that when Cal made the decision to cross a waterfall to fight an enemy force? No.

Maven is incredibly guilty, having been a few people behind when he saw the girls went over the falls, screaming, sputtering, and crying for someone to help them even when they went over the edge and screamed most of the way down.

He says that he knows it's useless, but he's too sorry for words. Too many Reds have died and soon Newbloods like Nix, Mare, and Shade will follow, if they don't hurry.

Nix, reluctant, goes with them, but asks firmly that Maven be kept the HELL away from him.

With Cal, Tibe, and Elara, the Queen is led to the Silent Stone cells, where Cal is sitting.

She asks the Sentinel to leave them, and he does, before asking Cal why he can't follow simple orders, for a General?

Cal snaps that he DID follow those orders. He just didn't retriwve Mare and Maven because Mare threw a plane at them and he and Maven had a firefight before they escaped.

And it was not his fault there was a submarine there and that it was on a cliffside.

Elara laughs out and tells him that he'd better be able to explain that to his father, because he's just about ready to kill him, Mare, and Maven himself.

Cal gives a laugh, asking if she'd like that to happen, seeing as how that was her plan.

Elara takes a breath and warns Cal that if it weren't for the Silent Stone, she would have disposed of him the same way she did with Coriane; in her own words, "the weak bitch stole the crown from me once, and I won't let her bastard take it again."

Cal asks when he's getting executed, but Elara smirks.

No need, because they found Maven and Mare, and Tibe, who loves Coriane's son SO much, is sparing him for Maven, who's getting thrown to Volo Samos and Rem Rhambos.

After that, she'll scramble his brains with a fork until he's more broken than both his parents put together, regardless of his place as the crown prince of Norta; this ain't The Folk of The Air, people. She can marry and ally to whomever, but ELARA is going to rule Norta and will make the Lakelands and the other countries surrounding Norta kowtow to her will.

Cal watches her leave, nervous for himself, but more concerned for Maven.

Well, at least he hears, "WHY IS EVERYONE SO USELESS LATELY!?" down the hall.

Elara returns and Cal makes a suggestion to where Maven and Mare are going, for it's population amd the fact Elara hates the place in general:

Harbor Bay.

And he has a way to bring Mare back, one he made a while back.

And Part 2 is going to need a Part 2 because this is going to be longer than I thought😅

[lovelyirony]

Maybe 60 and 46, Pepper / Natasha? (Based off our conversation from the other day :P )

“Dance with me.”/“You look like you could use a hug.” introducing: evil businesswoman pepper and her lovely assistant, natasha 

Pepper didn’t like dealing with other businesses early in the morning. In fact, she usually didn’t. She did her worst in the mornings, and it was clear to see. 

There was a man still lying in his chair when she comes out of the meeting room, and asks for a clean-up crew. 

She hates tech start-ups. 

Her assistant didn’t last. They never did, although this one had shown promise: he was with the company for five months. 

She was sad to see him go, in shock at another mess she had made. 

“Maybe you could stop killing other businesses,” Tony tells her while they’re eating lunch. It’s a nice place, where they’re at. They have a good balsamic vinaigrette.  

“I could, but then where would the company be?” Pepper asks. “They need to know that I like to be impressed. I want success. That’s how you get what you want.” 

Tony makes a face. 

He wants to say something, but he can’t. Not when he signed the company over to her, and she’s improved it, been allowed to make her own choices, bring everything up to her standards. She’s put everyone at her heel, and by god has it been satisfying. 

But she still needs a new assistant. 

- 

Natasha Romanoff is not liking the current assignment. Then again, she doesn’t like a lot of SHIELD’s assignments. 

She likes the company, really. They’re altruistic as hell and like going through the proper channels to get the proper work done. 

But she misses the feeling of getting yourself immersed, getting your hands stained beyond belief. 

An assistant. 

They want her to be a damned assistant for Stark Industries. Investigate the CEO, figure out what kind of dirt they can dig up and get out. 

It’s insufferable. She should be doing high-speed car chases and seducing oil barons to make sure their finances get drained. 

She shouldn’t be asking what kind of creamer goes in coffee and what kind of pens they want to be ordered. 

But here she is for the interview process, and she’s wearing her best office dress, which is still a bit risky for what an office job is, but she pays everyone else no mind. She taps her heel on the floor. 

- 

Pepper hates interviewing candidates. But she has to observe who is going to be working with her, who can handle what they’re going to throw at her. 

There’s a woman in the middle of it: Natalie Rushman. 

She’s been abroad with various companies, used to do some amateur modeling, and is wearing a dress that would probably get her in trouble with HR if Pepper didn’t appreciate it so damn much. 

She’s interesting. 

Her eyes flash when Pepper asks her how comfortable she is in slightly dangerous situations. 

“What, like copy paper being out?” she asks. Pepper laughs. 

“Something a touch more dangerous than that, Miss Rushman.” 

The interview ends. 

Pepper thinks about her through the whole thing.

- 

Natasha is excited. 

Finally a job where she can use her skills. Where she can do what she needs to do, and it will be wonderful. 

Natasha shouldn’t be excited. 

But she can’t help herself as she buys four new pairs of shoes and debates on a skirt that she should bring. 

After all, she will be getting the job if Ms. Potts’ posture gave any indication. 

- 

Miss Rushman starts officially on a Wednesday after two days of training. Usually it would take anywhere from one to two weeks. But she’s scarily efficient and has apparently worked with the same kind of things. 

Pepper finds that she’s the best assistant she’s ever had. She’s already taken notes on what Pepper does throughout the day, knows when she needs to take a break for a headache, and also knows the extremely specific coffee creamer that she uses. 

It would almost terrify her, if she could still get terrified at the mundane details that people could know about you. 

But Miss Rushman makes it seem easy, and so she lets it slide. After all, it’s not like Natalie can just leave. She’s signed four different sets of paperwork that basically say if she so much as breathes wrong, Stark Industries gets her soul for eternity. 

She’ll be trapped. 

Natasha finds that aspect exciting. 

She shouldn’t find the act of Pepper Potts holding a letter-opener to a business associate’s neck hot. 

It shouldn’t be. 

But Pepper got a lovely crimson-red manicure, and she’s smiling so sweetly as she discusses what they agreed upon versus what’s happening. 

It takes Natalie Rushman a moment to process. 

“Miss Potts?” she interrupts. 

Pepper’s head slowly turns. Her strawberry-blonde hair moves smoothly over the letter-opener, over the hand clutched, trying to hold onto a way to live. 

“Yes, Miss Rushman?” 

“I have some paperwork for you to sign. Regarding the new hospital tech installment.” 

“Set them on my right. I’m finishing up some...loose ends.” 

Natalie doesn’t react to the loud noise other than a displeased hum and asking the other members in the room if they want lemon-water. 

It’s refreshing in the afternoon, and she needs to clean the cabinet behind them anyways. 

- 

Pepper gets adjusted to her assistant. And Natalie gets adjusted to her life. 

She’s comfortable with it. It’s easy, to lean on who she had to be. 

It’s a rude wake-up call when she gets lunch with Clint, and he asks how the mission is going. 

“You any closer to taking her down?” 

She blinks for a moment. Pokes at her cake. 

“Nat, come on. You know she can’t keep getting away with this, right?” 

“Why does the world need more businessmen?” Natasha murmurs. 

Clint stares at her. 

“Come on. You told me when I brought you over here that you didn’t want to turn into who they made you into again. Just because it’s easier doesn’t mean it’s worth it.” 

He’s right. 

Of course he is. Clint usually is about this type of thing. 

Pepper Potts is...well. Natasha can admire the dedication she takes with her success. 

But usual bosses don’t really kill the competition. 

Literally. 

- 

Pepper’s noticed a change in Natalie Rushman. 

She doesn’t like it. 

She doesn’t watch for as long, doesn’t talk as easily with her anymore. 

Tony says maybe all of this terrible shit is catching up with her, her conscience finally clueing her in on the situation. 

No, that’s not it. That can’t be it. Not after how she stared at Pepper, not after her smile, not after those nights where they stayed late and both gazed but never said anything. 

Natalie is in the breakroom, staring into a coffee mug that has nothing in it. 

“You look like you could use a hug,” Pepper says dryly, sidling up to her. She takes a step away. 

Hm. 

“I’m fine, just a busy day,” Natalie says. 

God, she’s not even trying to lie. That’s infuriating. 

“Your days are about to get a little bit busier,” she starts in. “I’ve decided to host a little celebration for all of the companies we’ve worked with over this past year. We’re going to have a real ball of a time, and I want you to help plan it. And attend.” 

Natasha looks at her. Really looks at her. 

Shit. 

Pepper’s onto her. She knows something is different, something is off. 

And if Natasha’s to get away, she’s still going to have fun toying with her. She’s going to make life hell. 

The saying goes that if you can’t handle the heat, get the hell out of the kitchen. 

Natasha’s been cooking for a much longer time than Pepper, and she’s known her way around more kitchens than most. 

Bring it. 

- 

Putting together an honest-to-god ball for an eccentric, threatening CEO is fun. It shouldn’t be fun, but it is. 

The caterers are scared into arriving early, the invitations are embossed with actual gold, and the music costs way more than it should. 

Natasha is having so much fun with it that she completely forgets about her dress. 

She’s cursing as she’s tearing through her closet, looking for something that would be remotely appropriate for a ball for a sadistic CEO that she kind of has a crush on.) 

There’s a knock at the door. 

She rips it open, expecting it to be Clint or Maria to make fun of her, but it’s not. 

“Um. Delivery for Miss Rushman?” 

Oh. 

It’s a midnight blue ballgown, long-sleeved. She never would have chosen it for herself. 

The notecard attached said: 

Wear this one. I know you best. -Potts

A shiver runs up her spine. 

She’s not sure for what reason she’ll assign it to. 

But she puts it on, and it fits perfectly. She doesn’t want to think about how much it will cost. 

- 

Pepper, of course, looks like a dream. Or a nightmare. A terrifyingly beautiful nightmare. 

Her dress is burgundy, her lipstick matches. Her hair is loose, not kept in the high ponytail that is customary. 

Her eyes are a brilliant blue. They see right through her. 

“You look gorgeous, Miss Rushman,” she says, looking her up and down. “As to be expected, of course.” 

“Of course,” Natasha murmurs. 

The night will be long. 

They mingle. Natasha dutifully informs Pepper of who the lesser players on the field are, and fetches drinks. 

It’s...odd. 

It feels like something big is going to happen. And maybe it will, maybe it won’t. 

-

“Dance with me,” Pepper asks her. “Please.” 

She’s adding the last part in so that it sounds nice. But it’s a demand all the same. 

Natasha takes her hand, and maybe she should be more reserved about it, but she can’t help it. 

It’s captivating. It’s dangerous. But she accepts all the same. 

“You look beautiful tonight,” Pepper murmurs. “You far outshine every other woman here.” 

“Even you?” Natasha asks. 

Pepper rolls her eyes, but smiles. 

“Obviously, Natasha. Who else would?” 

She doesn’t notice that slip-up. Maybe it’s because she’s blown away at their close proximity, maybe it’s because Miss Potts’ perfume is absolutely intoxicating. But she doesn’t notice. 

They dance and they talk. 

“I’m happy you wore the dress.” 

“It’s not like I had anything like it in my closet,” Natasha says as Pepper smiles. 

“I figured. Not many host balls anymore.” 

“You’re a different sort.” 

“I am, aren’t I? But I think you and I are one and the same.” 

They’re isolated. 

And Natasha realizes it too late. She was a fool. 

“You haven’t quit after a year, after everything we’ve been through. Everything that I put you through. A regular person couldn’t do that, could they?” 

“You’d be surprised at what people can handle,” Natasha says. 

Pepper smiles. 

“You and I both know you’re far from an average person...Romanoff.” 

She tenses. 

“You knew?” 

“It’s a relativity new tidbit of knowledge, but having a tech genius as a colleague is...nice.” 

“What are you going to do to me?” 

“Reveal you,” Pepper says. “You’re a spy. You make your bread and butter off the fact that no one knows you for very long. And me? Well, you can’t kill me. The only thing that could possibly have an effect on me is if you killed the business. Which you don’t have the infrastructure for.” 

“And if I don’t want that? What do I have to do?” Natasha asks. 

Secrecy is her safe spot. It’s the only place where she’s ever been secure. 

“Stay. Leave that Strategic-Homeland-Whatever, and come with me. Stay with me.” 

“I don’t think I can do that,” Natasha says. “Your life and mine are too similar for that.” 

“But think of all we could do together,” she says. She brushes a hair back from Natasha’s cheek. 

It’s unbearable, that feeling. It’s a feeling that Natasha will spend all her life denying that she’ll chase. 

“I can’t.” 

Pepper looks at her. It’s a look that’s chilling. 

“Very well, Miss Romanoff. Then that will be all.” 

Pepper won’t fight her physically. She would lose that way, especially with how well-tailored the dress is on her body. 

But she has other ways of fighting. 

And god help Natasha, she knows she’s doomed. 

The worst part? 

She doesn’t exactly mind. 

[greenflower21]

“I Sleep and Dream of Snow” (orginally on my Ao3 profile)  * Contains Spoilers for season 3 of “Attack on Titan”

The winter will be rough this year , thought Levi as he gazed out the foggy window onto the gray surroundings. The first snow was yet to come, but he doubted it would be far off. Wind was already screaming down from the mountains, sweeping across the sheltered valley where the small cabin nestled under the barren trees like skeletons in the mountain’s shadow. This was the same cabin where he had hidden with his new squad, a few months previously, before Queen Historia had claimed her throne, before they had regained honor for the scouts, and before retaking Shiganshina.

So much had happened, it was hard to believe only a few months encompassed the biggest changes to their world within the walls. A new Queen, a new squad, and now a new commander as well…

Levi’s eye twitched slightly as he thought of Erwin’s lifeless body, still in Shiganshina, blue eyes once so full of dreams, an icy fury that looked ever onwards, now just a memory. He shivered there before the window, the threat of winter already creeping into his bones.

“We can’t always carry our fallen comrades home, but we can carry their memories.”

The words he had spoken to a grieving soldier had echoed too many times in his head this past year. He was used to loss, but the words now sounded almost mocking, his memories laughing atop the mountain of bodies, lifeless eyes whose gleams were already fading from his mind. The cold ache had settled even deeper now, refusing to recede, winter’s cruel whisper brushing against the boundaries of his body and mind. He shivered again, whether from the cold or from the lingering echoes in his head, he couldn’t tell. The echo was turning into a headache now, dull pain behind his eyes making his limbs feel leaden and heavy, not helped by the bulky ODM gear that weighed him down under his cloak.

A shout from outside jolted him from his thoughts. He stepped away from the window calling out as he went, “Commander Hange is here! Get ready!”

A few shouts of “Yes sir!” echoed clumsily from upstairs.

Levi walked outside, his shoulders tensing uncomfortably when he was met with a chill wind. “Jean!” he called to the tall boy in the lookout tower, sandy-brown hair tousled by the wind. “Is it Commander Hange?”

“Yes Captain,” replied Jean. “They appear to be alone.”

Good, thought Levi. Good that no more than necessary see this. Too many soldiers and government officials resented Levi’s decision to save Armin instead of Erwin. Why was a timid boy’s life more valuable than their esteemed and experienced commander? And why had that pivotal decision been entrusted to an underground lowlife like Levi?

At first they had thought to keep the specifics of Shiganshina a secret from the populace, but that was impossible. That idiot Floch didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. Levi was glad at least that he had stayed behind to recruit more MP’s into the scout’s ranks instead of coming here with the rest of Shiganshina’s heroes. Isolating as it was out here, he was glad not to hear the endless complaining, making his guilt over Erwin’s death all the more painful.

Not that it isn’t painful already, he admitted as Armin’s small figure came slowly outside, followed by Eren, Mikasa, Connie and Sasha. Armin’s blue eyes were watery in the chill wind, blue and full of hope, just as Erwin’s had been long ago.

“Hey Connie! It’s your watch now!” said Jean, hopping down from the tower, wrapping his cloak tighter around himself.

“Ugh, fine,” said Connie, walking over towards the wooden tower.

“No,” said Eren, “I’ll take watch, you can go with the others Connie.”

“Um...okay…” said Connie, confused.

Levi furrowed his brow as he watched Eren climb up into the watchtower. Why does he want to be on lookout duty so badly? Probably just sulking. Eren had been in a bad mood ever since the memorial ceremony. He was sullen and withdrawn around the others, even with Armin and Mikasa. Levi shuddered. It's probably nothing. Not everything is a threat, he’s a teenager, they’re like that most of the time.

“How far is Hange?” asked Levi as Jean sauntered up beside him.

“A couple miles,” he replied. “They should be here soon.” Jean lowered his voice to a whisper, glancing back at Eren, “what’s up with him?”

Levi frowned, still uneasy but apathetic. The last thing he needed was to fuel Jean and Eren’s rivalry. They were good friends but sometimes even the faintest animosity could become irritating to be around. I’m too tired to deal with their childish antics today.

Sure enough, Hange’s steed galloped down the narrow path and jolted to a halt.

“Levi!” they exclaimed excitedly. “It’s good to see you looking cheerful as always.” Their hair was messy from the wind, and they hastily brushed it away from their face where it had tangled in their glasses and knotted under their eyepatch..

Levi grunted in reply. “I see you came alone.”

Hange nodded. “Now, are we ready to start?”

They glanced over at Armin, whose blue eyes were wide and unblinking. He looked incredibly nervous. Levi couldn’t help but notice how he tried to hide his shaking hands under his cloak.

Eren on the other hand, was expressionless beside him, green eyes downcast. Mikasa eyed him worriedly, but he paid her no notice as he walked over to the watchtower.

“Let’s go then,” said Levi, leading them down toward the cliff face where they had tried this same experiment on Eren earlier that year.

Levi pulled his cloak tighter around his shoulders, shivering still. Dark clouds were gathering at the top of the mountain. Levi narrowed his eyes concernedly, “Hange, I don’t like the look of those clouds.”

“Hmmm,” they said, narrowing their eyes. “We’ll have to hurry then.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t just wait?” Levi replied.

“If it snows we won’t be able to do this again for awhile, and I can’t be away for too long. Besides...” they added, their voice rising to the pitch that Levi recognized as a signal that a theory was forming in their mind.

“What?” he asked, not sure if he was going to regret it.

“I’m interested to see how cold weather will affect the transformation, and if it rains or snows or whatever it does, it might have an impact on the titan steam….” they trailed off, clearly mulling over possibilities in their mind.

Levi sighed and glanced back at the squad. Sasha, Connie and Jean were chatting distractedly in the rear, Mikasa walking solemnly in front of them, glancing occasionally through her shadowy curtain of hair, backward towards where Eren sulked in the watchtower. Armin looked even more terrified than he had before. His eyes darted back and forth cautiously, like blue rippled under a sudden wind.

Levi slowed a bit to allow the boy a chance to catch up with him.

“Sir,” he squeaked, startled to see Levi beside him, looking away quickly. He knew that Armin also carried the guilt of Erwin’s sacrifice. The fault was far from his though, but Levi could understand how apprehensive he probably was. He had a large legacy to carry on his shoulders, and nearly the whole army blaming him for it.

“Don’t worry Armin,” said Levi earnestly. “Hange knows what they’re doing, you’ll be fine.”

“Th-thank you sir,” stuttered Armin, “i-it’s not Hange I’m worried about sir, it’s…”

“You have a lot of expectations to live up to,” finished Levi.

Armin hung his head. “Y-yes sir.”

Levi sighed again. “At the end of the day, it was my decision to make. You’re young, you have a good head on your shoulders, give it a chance to dream. That was what Erwin did best…” Levi stopped, for he could see the cliff face looming up ahead.

“Here we are!” said Hange, running ahead to look down.

Armin gulped. Levi gave him a reassuring nod, and they followed Hange to the cliff edge.

“Positions everyone!” said Hange. They all obeyed, leaping to their vantage points on the clifftop.

“We have to hurry,” pointed out Levi, glancing up at the clouds uneasily.

Hange nodded. “Yes. Ok Armin, we’re ready when you are!”

Armin nodded, pale and shaky. He closed his eyes, and took a run towards the cliff edge. He jumped off the side, ODM gear on.

Levi braced himself. Did it work? He wondered as a few silent moments passed. But he quickly retracted that thought, because a loud bang resounded upwards with a steam blast.

“Hange!” He shouted. “Can you see anything?”

“No!” they replied, eyeing the steam dangerously, the thrill in their eyes unmistakeable.

“I can’t hear him!” shouted Jean.

“It’s only steam, no titan,” added Sasha.

“Armin!” shouted Connie, “Can you hear us?”

Levi could see Mikasa perched on the edge, looking as uneasy as Levi felt. She was doubtless wondering why Eren didn’t want to see his best friend transform into the colossal titan for the first time, but equally worried about Armin below.

A loud boom sounded behind them. Levi smelled rain as a cold blast of wind slammed into him, almost sending him off balance.

“Hange…!” he shouted, a tone of warning creeping into his voice.

“I hear it,” Hange replied. “Armin!” they screamed. “Armin where are you?”

There was no reply, only more thunder as the steam rose from the ground.

Levi felt a few drops of cold rain hit his face. Not quite cold enough for snow yet but it still stung like blades of ice.

“Armin!” cried Mikasa, craning her neck to see through the layers of steam. The rain was getting heavier, sizzling as it struck the ground below.

“There!” shouted Sasha. Levi looked where she pointed, seeing a patch of red where the rain was clearing the steam. He narrowed his eyes and squinted to see better.

“It’s too hot to cut him out,” said Hange, “We need to let the rain cool it down first.”

Damn this would have been a great moment for Eren to stop acting like a moody brat and come help us out.

Levi frowned. “Was this your plan all along?” he didn’t even try to hide the annoyance in his voice.

“...Not exactly, but it is working in our favor now,” they replied, watching the steam clear below, revealing more of a pitifully misshapen red titan, miniscule in size in comparison to the colossal titan that had broken down Wall Maria.

“Armin,” croaked Mikasa nervously, about to leap down. Levi placed an arm in front of her. “No. It’s not safe yet.”

She hung her head, resigning herself to the truth in his words.

“Look! Commander, Captain!” Connie shouted.

“It’s Armin! He’s emerging!” added Sasha.

“Right, I’m going to retrieve him,” said Levi. It was dangerously hot down there, only he had the necessary speed to grab the boy quickly and get him out.

“I’m coming too!” insisted Mikasa.

“Fine,” grumbled Levi. She can manage, and it might be helpful to have an extra set of hands if we have to cut him out.

“Be careful!” said Hange, absentminded, meaning that their thoughts were clicking mechanically in their brain.

Levi and Mikasa leaped down, weaving between bilows of steam carefully. He could see Armin’s yellow hair glinting dully in the red mist of steam and drizzle.

They landed on the body, where the rain had cooled the surface enough so that he could cut Armin out. Armin’s eyes stared blankly upwards, red marks beneath them, tears welling in those pools of blue.

“Help me cut him out, quickly!” said Levi.

Mikasa sawed at the sinews with her blades while Levi lifted Armin out from the steaming carcass. His cloak had completely burned off, leaving only his thin shirt, burned and tattered in several places. The ODM gear was still trapped inside the titan.

“It’ll be damaged beyond repair; leave it behind” said Levi, sensing Mikasa’s thoughts.

“Right,” she nodded and focused on cutting Armin’s legs free.

The rain was coming down hard now, icy cold and stinging as it danced violently in the wind.

Mikasa finished cutting the sinews, and they leaped upward against the cliff-face with their gear, Levi carrying Armin’s limp form under one arm. They made it to the top, where the others were waiting anxiously.

“Wh-what happened?” asked Sasha concernedly looking at Armin.

“We can theorise later, let’s focus on getting out of this rain!” said Levi, removing his own cloak to wrap around Armin.

Damn this rain is cold.

“Hange come on!” They were still staring over the cliff edge thoughtfully.

“What?” They said. “Oh, right, let’s go!”

They all walked quickly back to the house, Armin being carried by Levi as the rain grew icier around them.

Levi was thankful in that moment for the titan heat radiating from Armin’s body. His face and hands were numb from the cold, and his clothes were becoming soaked through.

They made it back to the house.

“Eren!” shouted Hange, “Get inside! You won’t be able to see in this weather anyway.”

Eren leaped down from the watchtower, still brooding. Seriously, what’s up with him?

They all stumbled inside, dripping wet, slamming the door behind them.

Sasha let out a long sigh, “I’m soooooo hungry!”

“Ugh I’m too cold to be hungry,” complained Jean.

Eren ignored them and went straight over to the hearth to start building a fire. He half glanced at Armin, a pained expression in his eyes, avoiding Mikasa’s stare that followed him like a shadow as he placed logs in the fire.

Levi placed Armin down into a seated position in one of the chairs by the fire, removing his cloak and hanging it by the door. Armin’s tattered clothing had luckily remained relatively dry under the protective wool.

As everyone else hung their cloaks, Levi noticed that they, too, had avoided most of the icy rain.

Hange shook their head, scattering a few droplets and walked straight over to Armin.

I need to get out of these wet clothes, thought Levi. He shivered, his shirt stuck tight against his body, hair dripping icy water into his eyes.

“Captain you’re soaked!” exclaimed Sasha as she carried the kettle to the stove.

“Hmph, I hadn’t noticed,” he grumbled dryly.

“Someone needs to get some dry clothes for Armin,” said Hange.

“On it!” said Connie, sprinting away.

Levi stood, almost dazed, looking at how Eren was building up the fire. Something was definitely off with him, and he worried that it was something more than just teenage angst.

“Uh, Captain, are you ok?” asked Jean’s voice behind him.

“Hmmm…?” Levi blinked. “Yeah I’m fine…” his words were slow; numb along with everything else.

“You really should take those wet clothes off captain,” said Mikasa, arriving beside him carrying some blankets from upstairs.

“Hmmm, yeah…” he shook his head hazily and walked slowly towards his room.

His hands were stiff as he undid the buttons and endless belt loops that attached the ODM gear to his body. When that weight left him, he swayed slightly, dizzy with the release. He finally managed to remove the rest of his soaking wet clothes, which had stuck to his skin like ice, wondering if he would ever feel warm again.

He came back to the main room, wearing dry clothes, but still shivering. Sasha, Connie and Jean were laying out teacups and bread and butter on the table. Eren still stared moodily into the fire, ignoring the rest of them, while Mikasa sat next to Armin, wrapping him in a blanket and Hange scribbled in their notebook.

Mikasa stood and walked over to Levi. She handed him a blanket and he took it from her gratefully, hands numb and shaking. Not caring about anything else in that moment except warmth, he sat down in the chair between Armin and Hange, close to the fire.

Armin didn’t appear hurt, but there was a look of utter dejection on his face.

“It’s ok Armin, Eren had trouble his first time too! “ reassured Mikasa. “Right Eren?”

Eren turned at his name. “What? Oh yeah…” he quickly turned back around to stare at the flames.

Hange sighed quizzically, looking up from their notes. “It seems that mood clearly plays a role in one’s ability to transform. Eren always had trouble if he was feeling nervous or apprehensive, or unsure about something.” Hange directed their statements at Eren, but he didn’t look back in their direction.

“You’d better figure it out soon kid so we can get the hell out of this freezing cold bunker,” said Levi shakily, then he sneezed, quiet enough so that only Hange heard it. They narrowed their eyes at Levi skeptically but didn’t say anything.

“You have to be sure of yourself Armin. You have to envision the future you dream of, and you have to take hold of it with all your strength. If you hesitate, it’s all for nothing.” Eren’s voice sounded far away, even though he only stood a few feet away from Levi. It was the most he had heard the boy say for weeks.

“Well, yes…” said Hange, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “In less solemn terms than Eren just put it, you need to have a clear goal, and you need confidence!”

I know what’s wrong, thought Levi. It’s Erwin’s shadow. It’s still too tall for him to reach. That same tall, blue-eyed shadow echoed in Levi’s mind too. He knew what it felt like to be tasked with making someone’s life meaningful after they were gone.

Armin only sighed and shook his head. “I know, you’re trying to help and I appreciate it, I really do, but… I can’t help but wonder every day if you made the wrong decision Captain.”

Armin’s sad blue stare rose to meet Levi’s cold gray eyes. For a second, he thought he could see Erwin’s icy gaze, filled with stone cold-determination, but then the shadow faded to leave behind ripples in the terrified boy’s face.

“I didn’t make the wrong decision,” said Levi, trying to make his voice sound certain. “This is what Erwin would have wanted.” As he said this, he could almost see Erwin’s shadow again, nodding to his words behind Armin’s face.

Levi shivered and sneezed again, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself, feeling suddenly very tired. The feeling had started to sneak back into his limbs again, but now they were heavy with a dull ache that was settling deep into his whole body.

“Tea’s ready!” said Sasha.

Levi sighed and stood shakily to walk back over to the table, leaving the blanket behind. He poured himself a cup and sat down, still shivering. He held the cup in his hands, letting the warmth spread upward through his fingertips.

He was almost aware of the others clattering about chatting and eating all around him, but they were like shadows in the corner of his vision. I’m still so cold. Why can’t I get warm?

Hands shaking, Levi lifted the cup to his mouth, letting the hot liquid warm his insides. Someone pushed a plate towards him. He glanced over to see that it was Hange.

“You should eat,” they said, buttering a piece of bread for themself and sitting down beside him.

Levi ignored the bread and focused instead on drinking the tea in slow sips, willing it to make him stop shivering so visibly.

“The rain is turning into sleet,” observed Sasha, looking toward the window.

Levi looked and saw sheets of white slamming against the glass.

“Looks like you’ll need to stay the night here commander,” said Connie.

“Yes I suppose you’re right,” replied Hange. “I really did underestimate this weather didn’t I?”

Within the hour, the sleet had turned into snow, and it rattled relentlessly against the window panes.

Leaving his bread untouched, Levi washed his teacup and then wandered back over to the fire. Armin had fallen asleep, the red titan marks on his face already starting to fade.

“We should put him in bed,” said Levi, bending down to pick him up. His arms felt unusually weak though, which was strange. Why do my bones feel like they’re filled with ice. I hate rain...I’m too stiff to lift even this scrawny teenager!

“I can do it,” said Eren’s voice behind him.

“Go ahead,” said Levi, glancing at him sideways. Eren lifted one of Armin’s arms over his shoulder, and Mikasa rushed over to help. Together they carried their friend up to bed.

Levi sighed and edged closer to the fire. I hope I’m not this stiff tomorrow, there’s so much to do around here…

“You alright?” Asked Hange, kneeling down next to him. “You seem tired.”

He shivered again, picking up his discarded blanket from earlier. He avoided their question and said, “where will you sleep? With the rate of that snow outside, it looks like you might be stuck here for a few days at least.”

“Don’t worry about me! I always figure it out,” they replied. “Besides, I want to stay up a bit later to study my notes anyway.”

Levi nodded in reply and glanced over to the table where Jean, Connie and Sasha were still chatting. “Hey, make sure you clean up that mess when you’re done,” he remarked. Normally he would stay and do it himself, but Hange might have been right. He was tired. Even where he stood, he struggled to keep his eyes open. He would have to trust them to clean it properly, just this once…

“Captain can I have your bread?” Asked Sasha.

“Hmmm…? Yeah, fine…” he muttered, walking blearily towards his room. He sank onto his bed with a strange heaviness, shivering under the blankets, and let sleep take him.

When he was gone, Sasha exclaimed in a shocked whisper, “what? He never says yes! This is my lucky day!”

“Sasha you’re getting crumbs everywhere. We need to keep it clean or the Captain will freak out!” protested Jean.

Connie chimed in with, “Hey! Won’t you share?”

When the two had divided the bread between them, Jean remarked, “don’t you think it's weird though, Captain Levi never goes to bed early?”

Sasha was too immersed in her bread to hear him.

Connie shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s been a pretty long day, I wouldn’t worry too much.”

Jean frowned, looking out the window where the show was swirling out in the dark. “I hope you’re right.”

                                                 *** 

Levi woke groggily. His throat burned and there was a heavy weight in his chest that made every part of his body ache. He groaned and got out of bed, shocked when he had to sit down again because a wave of dizziness almost sent him reeling.

He sighed, and that sigh turned into a dry cough that made his head throb.

Damn it, he cursed to himself. He made the decision to ignore his body screaming in protest, and put a clean shirt on with aggressive determination, preparing to go downstairs. This is nothing, I’m just chilled from yesterday, I just need to wake up a bit. He coughed again as he went carefully down the stairs.

Hange had woken up sitting stiffly in the chair by the fire, notes open across their lap. The coals had died down to ash. Someone had thrown a blanket across them at some point, they weren’t sure who. They yawned, stretched, and stood, looking out the window.

Well, looks like I won’t be making it back to HQ anytime soon. Snow was piled almost up to the window panes, the inside of the glass covered with frost. They shuddered and put a log on the dead fire, attempting to blow some life into it.

The kitchen had been tidied from the night before, but it was nowhere near spotless. A few crumbs still littered the floor where Connie and Sasha had battled over the captain’s bread.

He won’t be happy.

While they waited for the fire to grow, they pondered their notes again. Something was definitely holding Armin back...they had a feeling it was the pressure. The poor boy had Erwin’s whole legacy to uphold. Damn it Levi, I can’t believe you put him in this position.

Hange heard light footfalls on the steps accompanied by ragged breathing that stopped suddenly and was replaced by a rough, hollow sounding cough.

That doesn’t sound good…

“Where is everyone?” asked Levi hoarsely as he slowly walked into the room. “Lazy kids, just because it’s snowing doesn’t mean they get a break.” He looked out the window, noticing the empty watchtower blurred by the blinding light of the heavy snow on the ground. “We should get someone on lookout duty-” he ended the thought abruptly as he shook with coughing again.

Ignoring Hange’s eyebrows rising in concern, he went outside to fill the kettle with snow, shocked when he opened the door to see that it came all the way up to his shoulders. He cursed under his breath and shivered, filling it quickly and slamming the door shut. He put the kettle on the stove, his chest burning, unable to stifle the shaky cough that shuddered through his body again.

“Levi, I don’t like the sound of that cough,” said Hange, not hiding the concern in their voice.

“It's nothing,” he retorted. His eyes stopped, noticing a few crumbs on the floor where the scouts had been sitting the night before. Damn it, I thought I told them to clean up… He sighed in annoyance, but it came out as a cough, more painful than the last one.

“Levi….” began Hange. “Don’t worry about the crumbs, and don’t worry about the lookout! The snow will be too thick to see anyway. Besides, no one will be out stalking us in this weather.” They took a moment to look at his face, which was shadowed by the usual dark circles, but they were deeper today, and he was pale, his dark gray eyes glassy and distant.

He ignored them and went over to get the broom in the corner. He swept the crumbs away and started to make tea.

Hange shook their head. He was too stubborn. When the kettle boiled, they sat down together to let it brew.

“Are they seriously all still asleep?” Levi asked, shocked at how raspy his voice sounded. He was grateful for the warmth of the cup in his hands. He let the steam float up to his face and briefly relieve the throbbing in his head.

Hange shrugged, “Not everyone is an insomniac like you.”

He glared at them and shook his head. “Any epiphanies in your late night research?”

They took a deep breath. “Armin won’t be able to control his titan ability until he can escape the pressure of Erwin’s sacrifice.”

Levi nodded, “well he’d better figure it out soon-” he broke off, coughing again.

Hange opened their mouth to say something, but at that moment Mikasa came downstairs, followed by the others.

“Armin is still asleep,” she said as she sat down beside Hange.

“How is he?” Hange asked.

“He seems fine,” Mikasa continued, “the titan marks have faded at least.”

“Good, good…” Hange nodded, pouring themself another cup of tea.

Levi shot Sasha, Connie and Jean a subtle glare as they sat down at the table. “I thought I told you to clean up after-” but he broke off again, another rattling cough shaking his chest.

“I’m so sorry captain!” said Sasha, eyes wide.

“Wait, uh Captain Levi are you ok?” Asked Connie tentatively.

He was barely aware of their responses, and he didn’t catch the worried glances that shot between everyone seated at the table. He ignored them and sipped his tea in frustration, willing his hands to stop shaking, hoping that the warm liquid would subside the deep chill that was making his whole body ache.

He started feeling progressively worse throughout the day. He tried to keep himself busy, ignoring the pain in his head by sweeping the rest of the floor, assigning odd tasks to the scouts, and pointedly ignoring the way they were all looking at him.

Jean, Eren and Mikasa managed to clear a way to the stable to check on the horses. Hange decided that they didn’t need to bother with clearing a way to the watchtower. No one would be able to find them in this snow anyway. Levi narrowed his eyes uneasily, but Hange out-ranked him, so their word was what the scouts followed. He knew they were probably right. It was too cold out to keep watch safely, and there was no point staring at gray fields of snow for hours with no real threat.

He glanced out the window, half expecting more snow to start falling from the gray skies. He still remembered the first time he had seen snow. Mesmerized and terrified at those sparkling white drops that froze on impact, and looked like stars turned to dust. Farlan and Isabel never got to see snow. It almost seemed like the gray sky itself was scattering cold ash for all those who had never gotten to gaze at its beauty.

While the others cleared the snow in front of the door, Sasha and Connie chopped vegetables for soup, and Armin slept for most of the day. Hange tried to be useful around the house, hoping that everyone at HQ wasn’t too worried about them. There was no helping it though. It was hard enough to clear a path to the horses, forget trying to clear it all the way to the road. Hange was starting to get worried though, worried about Levi.

His cough started sounding worse as the day went on. At one point, Hange caught him staring out the window, shivering and gazing at something in a distant corner of his mind that only he could see.

“Levi,” they said gently, “come away from there, it's too cold!”  

He didn’t respond, so they placed a hand on his shoulder. He flinched slightly, but didn’t protest when they guided him over to sit by the fire.

It should have warmed him, but he still shivered weakly, spots dancing before his eyes, almost like it was snowing inside the fire.

He was aware of Hange looking into his eyes, “Levi…” they said quietly, placing a hand on his forehead.

He started to brush them away, “what are you doing?”

“You’re burning up!” exclaimed Hange.

He sighed again, he hated other people fussing over him, but regretted it instantly because it sent him into another painful coughing fit.

“Levi, I’m worried about you,” said Hange, “you’re not well!”

Levi knew they were probably right, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball in front of the fire and stay there forever, but he couldn’t possibly go rest; there was still too much to do, too much to think about, Erwin’s shadow was watching him, he needed to do it justice…

Erwin’s shadow walked down the stairs, but it was much smaller than Erwin. “Er, hello Commander, Captain,” he said.

Hange stood, “ah, our colossal awakens!”

Levi was puzzled. Erwin was tall, yes, but he was no titan, what was Hange talking about.

Hange noticed that Armin looked bleary-eyed from sleep, but otherwise fine. They were worried about Levi though. He looked at Armin with a pained, almost confused expression. He’s delirious…

“I’m so sorry,” said the small boy standing there with Erwin’s eyes. Yes, not Erwin, Erwin is dead Levi, get it together.

Levi opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t because his whole body was racked by shaking as he coughed again.

“Captain! Are you alright?” gasped Armin.

“He’s not,” said Hange. “Levi, I need you to go back to bed, and yes, that’s an order!”

Levi regarded them with dark gray eyes, misted over with a feverish glow. Too weak to protest, he stood up shakily and began to walk toward the stairs. Why is Hange giving me orders, he thought, confused, Where’s Erwin?  He stumbled and swayed where he stood. The whole room spun, and lights danced in his eyes, turning into shadows as he fell.

Armin and Hange reacted quickly. They caught him as he collapsed so he didn’t hit the floor.

“What happened to him?” Asked Armin, his voice high pitched with concern.

“What’s going on?” asked Sasha, peeking in from the kitchen, Connie close behind. They must have heard the commotion and come to investigate.

“I need you to bring me some cold water and a clean cloth,” said Hange.

Sasha’s eyes widened as she saw the unconscious Levi in between Armin and Hange’s arms. “Yes sir!” she disappeared into the kitchen to do what Hange asked.

“Connie, can you help me bring him upstairs?” said Hange.

“Yes sir,” said Connie, running over to take the captain’s limp form from Armin, who sighed with relief. He still hadn’t quite gotten his strength back from yesterday. “Armin, can you go check on our soup?” Armin nodded and wandered into the kitchen, glancing over his shoulder as he watched Connie and Hange carry Levi’s unconscious body between them up the stairs.

They placed him down on his bed. His eyelids fluttered slightly but he didn’t wake up. He was shivering weakly, but a thin gray sweat was coating the surface of his skin, sticking his dark hair to his head.

Sasha came back with cold water and a few dry kitchen towels. Hange took one from her and dipped in the basin, placing the cool cloth on Levi’s pale forehead.

Sasha and Connie lingered uncomfortably in the doorway, watching as Hange unbuttoned Levi’s shirt, which was plastered to his body with sweat.

“Is he going to be ok?” Asked Connie in a whisper.

No one answered him.

“Do you need anything else?” asked Sasha, breaking the tense silence except for Levi’s ragged breathing.

“No,” replied Hange, “just let the others know where I am, and keep that fire burning.”

They nodded and went back to the kitchen, leaving Hange alone sitting on the edge of the bed, looking more worried than the scouts had ever seen them.

They found Armin standing dazed before the pot on the stove, stirring mechanically, unfocused and clearly worried.

“This is my fault,” he whimpered. He looked up at Sasha and Connie, alarm in his eyes. “He gave me his cloak yesterday, and he must have gotten too cold, and now…” he looked like he might cry.

“No, Armin, it’s not your fault!” said Connie reassuringly. “He would have done the same for any of us, you had no idea that your cloak would burn off, or that the rain would be that cold!”

“But the experiment failed…. I failed! I’ll never live up to Erwin’s expectations.” Armin sank down in a chair at the table, utterly defeated.

“You need to stop blaming yourself Armin,” said Sasha, taking over at the stove-top, pouring a handful of herbs into the broth. “The decision was never yours, and you’re trying your best!”

“You just need to get used to it,” added Connie. “You’re only human so don’t beat yourself up!”

Armin sighed, looking toward the stairs with an expression of anguish. I really hope they’re right.

“I’ve had enough snow to last a lifetime,” complained Jean, entering the door, and hanging up his cloak, followed by Mikasa and Eren.

“At least we’ve cleared a path to the stable now,” said Mikasa.

“It only took us three hours,” grumbled Eren.

Jean sighed and sat down at the table. “What’s with you guys? You look like someone just died.”

Armin looked at the floor and Sasha stirred the pot on the stove awkwardly.

“Well…” said Connie, “It’s Captain Levi, he’s really unwell.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened in alarm. “Is he alright?”

“I thought he didn’t look too good this morning…” added Jean.

“What happened?” asked Eren.

“I guess…” said Armin, “the cold yesterday must have gotten to him, he just collapsed right in front of us!”  

Seeing Armin’s worried expression, Mikasa said, “He’s humanity’s strongest. He just needs to rest for a few days, he’ll be fine.”

Her tone didn’t sound convincing enough though, and the room fell into a tense silence, the only sound Sasha’s wooden spoon scraping the bottom of the pot. 

                                                  *** 

A few minutes after Sasha and Connie left, Levi’s eyes fluttered open weakly and he stared up at Hange, looking very confused. He tried to sit up, but he was seized by another painful coughing fit and was forced to sink back down onto the pillows, shaking.

“Shhh,” said Hange, pushing him down and drawing the blanket up to cover him.

“Hange what happened?” he asked weakly, his voice hoarse and strained.

“You fainted,” they replied, readjusting the cloth on his forehead. “Connie helped me carry you in here.”

He coughed again.“Damn it, how did this happen, I can’t-” but he couldn’t finish, his chest shaking with echoing tremors. He moaned softly and closed his eyes.

“Just rest,” said Hange. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” His eyelids flickered and closed as he settled into an uneasy sleep, wheezing gently and still shaking.

They watched his chest rise and fall for a few minutes, then replaced the cloth on his forehead, already lukewarm with the heat from his fever. When they were sure he was really sleeping, they quietly closed the door and went back downstairs.

                                                 ***

Levi slept fitfully the rest of that day, and all the while, the snow still fell outside. Hange went back to check on him a few hours later, but he was still deep in a feverish dream, shivering beneath the blankets, chest rising raggedly and hair plastered to his head in lank strands.

Hange felt his forehead again. The fever was still high, possibly even higher than before. This worried them; they had never seen him this sick in all the years they had known him. They were trained as a field medic, first aid and emergency battle operations etc., but they were certainly no doctor. If this didn’t get any better soon….well, they just had to hope it would. Travelling would be impossible for at least the next few days.

For now, they kept the fever controlled by replacing the cloth on his forehead intermittently.

A soft knock on the door sounded and Mikasa entered the room, carrying a steaming cup of tea. “How is he?” she asked, setting it down on the table.

Hange’s brow furrowed. “Fever is still high and he’s struggling to breathe.” they watched the erratic rise and fall of his chest uneasily.

“Maybe steam will help,” said Mikasa, bringing the teacup close to Levi’s face.

“Good idea!” Hange observed, lifting his head slightly so he could inhale it.

He spluttered and coughed, then gasped weakly, but it did seem to give him some temporary relief.

“We need more steam,” said Hange.

“On it!” said Mikasa, turning to leave.

A few minutes later, she returned with the kettle and an empty washbasin.

They lifted Levi’s head again and held the steaming water up to his face. He gasped, then breathed in and out, coughing. He leaned back on the pillows, still shaking, but he breathed more easily, at least for a little while.

                                             ***

Levi dreamed of blue eyes following him. “Erwin, what do you still need from me?” But the blue receded into gray, drowning in snow.

“Wait!” cried Levi, “Where are you going?” but the blue eyes disappeared, and he heard nothing but his own voice, reverberating back at him.

He wandered in a directionless fog, steps heavy, his body aching with weariness as he trudged onward.

A roar resounded behind him and he flinched as something flew through the air. It landed at his feet in the mist and he almost screamed. Lifeless eyes underneath tousled red hair stared back at him. Isabel….

A familiar laugh echoed nearby. Farlan? He turned around, but the laugh faded and turned into a scream before disappearing into the fog completely.

He sank to his knees, utterly defeated. He could hear voices calling out his name, and they all flashed before his eyes.

He saw Gunther dangling from his mangled gear, half of Eld’s body strewn across the forest floor, Oluo’s head sawn off, and Petra... Oh Petra.

She called to him, but he couldn’t stand. His legs wouldn’t lift from the damp ground, and the mist suffocated him, drowning their voices until they disappeared. He was sinking into the ground, and then he fell, plummeting downward through tunnels of darkness until he landed with a thud in a dirty puddle, no stars here; it reeked of the underground.

A tall man with a face shielded by a black hat turned to look at Levi, lying in the muck, but he shook his head and walked away, until Levi could see him no more.

The puddle enveloped him like a blanket, and there was a woman in a white dress standing over him. Her black hair flowed down her back like rainfall on a window on a moonless night, and her cold gray eyes looked down on him lovingly. She brushed lank hair out of his face with pale fingers.

“Mother?” he croaked.

“Shhhh Levi, you’re safe now.” her voice was soothing, and he believed her, he let his eyes close, and darkness settled over him.

He wanted to stay there forever, but voices started to plague him again.

“Let me rest, please,” he begged.

“Levi. You must not regret your decision,” and there were blue eyes looking at him from the shadows again.

“Erwin…” he whispered.

“Do not regret. Fulfil your promise.”

“I’m so tired Erwin…” Levi protested. He wished that the blue eyes would close and leave him be. The woman in the white dress was still there, but she too, was fading, her hands translucent and eyes empty.

“No, don’t go!” he begged.

She grasped his hand one more time, and then disappeared into the shadows.

“Remember your promise,” said Erwin, but it wasn’t Erwin’s voice. Armin Arlert looked at him with sincerity in the mist, “Please stay with us Captain!”

“Please…” but he wasn’t sure whose voice it was pleading with him now.

“I promised…. I remember….” whispered Levi, and then he sank into shadows, many voices still echoing in their tendrils of mist around him, utterly incomprehensible.

                                      ***

The snow stopped falling after two days, but it showed no sign of melting. The scouts were trapped here until they could find a way to clear a path to the road, which was still several miles to the west of their isolated location.

Hange was getting increasingly more worried about Levi. He had been drifting in and out of consciousness, and the fever, like the snow, showed no signs of abating. Mikasa had been clever with the steam; when his breathing became too laboured, they brought a basin of boiling water to his face, and it seemed to instill a temporary respite to his pained struggle.

But he also wasn’t getting any better. Hange worried that he would need stronger medicine than whatever meager supplies they had here at the cabin; honey and hot water could only do so much. But in this snow, it would be impossible to go in search of anything.

Hange cooled Levi’s burning forehead with the wet cloth, listening to the erratic rise and fall of his chest with concern.

“You should get some rest,” said Armin, entering the room softly behind them. “I can stay with him for awhile.”

Hange nodded, knowing he was right. They didn’t like the thought of leaving him, but they felt their eyelids drooping heavily. They stood and stretched, then went to the bed they had set up down the hall. “Wake me if there’s any change.”

When Hange left, Armin sat down by the Captain’s side. His face was pale, his cheeks hollow and his dark hair dull and plastered to his face by sweat. A few incomprehensible words danced on his parched lips.

Armin felt an overwhelming sense of guilt as he looked at his sick captain. This is my fault. If only I had been able to transform properly, he wouldn’t have needed to give me his cloak. Better still, if I had died instead of Erwin. Erwin was a colossal human, even without the titan ability. I am nothing…

“No… don’t go…” whispered Levi feverishly in his sleep.

Armin inhaled sharply. “I’m right here Captain!”

“Erwin… no… let me rest, please…” his face twisted with grief and anguish, “can I go? The promise… I can’t…”

Armin’s eyes widened in alarm. He grasped Levi’s frail, sweaty hand in his own. “Please, stay with us captain, please!” begged Armin. He wrung out the cloth and dampened it again in the cold water, placing it on Levi’s burning forehead.

“I promised… I remember…” whispered Levi, coughing weakly in his sleep.

Armin heard the door open gently behind him as someone else walked into the room. He turned around, surprised to see that it was Eren.

“How is he?” he asked, still hovering in the doorway.

“Not good,” Armin shook his head.

Eren looked down at the ground and slowly walked over to lean on the edge of the table by the bed.

“Eren,” began Armin in a quiet voice. “Why couldn’t I transform?” A faint tremor of despair had crept up into his gentle tone.

Eren shook his head uneasily. He knew Armin would ask him this question. It was part of the reason why he had been avoiding the others this whole time. The strange sensation he had felt when he touched Queen Historia’s hand- well, he couldn’t shake the heavy weight of this immense secret he carried. He couldn’t shake the guilt, for being partially responsible for Commander Erwin’s death, and the legacy that Armin now had to fulfil. All he had wanted was to see the ocean, but this? I can see how tormented he is, the amount of anguish this is causing him, and it’s all my fault.

Eren hadn’t wanted to watch the experiment. He didn’t want to watch his friend suffer like that, a suffering that he knew all too well.

When Eren didn’t answer Armin’s feeble question, he sighed in resignation and looked away. It seemed even his best friend had lost faith in him.

The two boys were so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they nearly didn’t notice how quiet Levi had become

Eren noticed first. “Wait, Armin, something’s wrong.”

Armin shot up in alarm. Levi’s chest had stopped rising and falling, and the familiar pained breaths were silent.

“Captain Levi!” shouted Armin, shaking the captain’s frail body.

“I’ll get Hange!” said Eren, running out the door.

“Please hurry!” said Armin.

Armin lifted Levi, rubbing between his shoulder-blades vigorously. His skin was still emanating dangerous amounts of heat, which in this moment was actually a good thing, because it meant his body was still trying to fight, trying to live…

“Please Captain Levi,” begged Armin as he rubbed up and down, willing the breath to come back into his lungs.

The door banged open and Hange sprinted over to the bed. “Good Armin, keep rubbing. Levi!” they cried urgently, placing two fingers on Levi’s neck, where a very weak pulse was thankfully still fluttering. His lips were starting to turn blue.

Eren came into the room, carrying a steaming kettle. He poured it into the basin and handed it to Hange, who lifted it in front of Levi’s face.

Armin could feel the heartbeat weakening under his fingers, almost to nothing. A few tense moments followed, and then they all nearly jumped up in alarm as Levi gasped and coughed. He struggled for breath as his whole frame shook, but Armin lowered his shoulders with relief. That was close, too close.

Hange shook their head solemnly, reapplying the cold cloth to Levi’s forehead. “He’s not getting any better and there’s not much I can do for him without some stronger medicine.”

“But we’re trapped here…” said Eren.

Hange furrowed their brow quizzically. “Your father was a doctor wasn’t he Eren? Do you have any idea what he would have used to treat something like this?”

Eren thought for a moment and shook his head. “My father didn’t tell me much about what he did-he made all his medicines down in the cellar, where I wasn’t allowed. I think he planned to teach me one day, but he never got a chance…”

Think! Armin, Think, he begged himself. You can’t let the captain die. If he dies it's your fault. There has to be a way we can clear that snow and find him some medicine…?

He stood up suddenly, an idea forming in his mind.

“What is it?” Asked Eren.

“That’s the face of someone who’s just come up with a hypothesis,” remarked Hange observantly.  

“We need a way to clear the snow so we can somehow get to a doctor or an apothecary…” began Armin, “and we know that titan steam can melt it, so what if I transform into a titan, clear the way enough for someone to make it to the main road, and from there ride to the nearest town where there’s bound to be someone that has what we need!”

“A brilliant idea Armin!” replied Hange excitedly, “But can you do it?”

“There’s also the risk that someone could see us, we don’t want to alarm civilians,” pointed out Eren,

Armin added, “that’s why it would be better to just get the medicine directly from them rather than bridging a doctor here- we don’t want too many people asking how on earth we cleared the snow away- you know what he needs right Hange?”

“More or less,” Hange agreed.

Armin continued, addressing Eren. “You and Mikasa will spot me as I transform, and cut me out and bring me back here while someone-probably Sasha because she knows the terrain around here the best- rides on.”

“But what if it’s too hot to get close?” wondered Eren.

“Then you can transform too, and take me down.”

Eren sighed, looking slightly uncomfortable, but then he nodded. “Okay.”

“Hmmm,” said Hange, “It’s risky, but…” they looked gravely at Levi’s shuddering form beside them, “I don’t think we have a choice.”

Eren stayed with Levi while Armin and Hange went downstairs to brief the others. The plan was this: Armin would transform and clear away the snow, and Mikasa and Eren would follow at a safe distance to retrieve Armin when he had finished.

Sasha and Connie would ride to the nearest village with a note carrying written instructions from Hange, to be shown to the closest doctor they could find. Trost would be ideal, but it was too far to ride quickly on the icy roads. Hange would have gone themself, but they didn’t dare leave Levi’s side now.

Jean sat with Levi while Hange went to the roof with Armin, Mikasa and Eren to execute the plan.

Armin didn’t feel nervous for once. He was ready to repay Captain Levi for saving his life back in Shiganshina. He would make them all proud. He would honor Erwin’s memory.

“Are you ready?” asked Hange.

Armin nodded.

“Remember to jump outwards so that the house doesn’t catch on fire,” they reminded him.

Right, don’t screw this up.

He took a deep breath, and leapt off the roof, slitting his palm with a knife. Electricity rippled through his body, and suddenly he was very tall. He looked down and could see snow down below, melting at his feet.

“Armin!” someone shouted. “Get away from the house!”

Dazed, he turned around, seeing Hange, Eren and Mikasa standing on top of the roof, edging away nervously.

What am I doing? Confusion clouded his mind. It's so hot in here…

“Armin! Go! You have to save Captain Levi!” shouted Connie from the stable. Armin looked down at Connie and Sasha, edging cautiously backwards, horses stamping impatiently. That’s right, I need to clear the way so they can go and find medicine for the Captain.

Armin shook away the fog and stepped forward, surprised at the heavy thud his feet made when they hit the ground, snow sizzling upon impact. I have to save Captain Levi. That thought propelled him forward as he plowed through the deep snow, the path clearing as he went.

“Good, it’s working!” Called Hange. “Sasha, Connie! Make sure you wait until we retrieve Armin before you ride!”

“Yes Commander!” shouted Sasha.

“Eren, Mikasa, now it’s your turn!” said Hange, turning to the two scouts beside them on the rooftop.

“On it!” Said Eren, breaking into a run and biting his hand as he jumped off the roof.

As he transformed down below, Mikasa leapt onto his shoulder with her ODM gear engaged.

Mikasa observed Armin’s colossal making its way through the trees. It was still much smaller than Berthold’s titan, smaller even than Eren as he pounded through the melted snow after him. Despite its size though, it was accomplishing what it meant to.

They followed at a safe distance for about ten minutes. Please let no one be on the road, thought Mikasa, anxiety thrumming in her chest. This was not a sight that she wanted just anyone to see.

“Eren, we’re getting close,” warned Mikasa.

Eren grunted in reply, and he sped up behind Armin.

Armin seemed to be aware of his surroundings, because Mikasa heard a loud crash up ahead as the colossal titan sank to its knees.

Mikasa sprinted off of Eren’s shoulder and zoomed ahead to scout out the road. Armin’s titan body had collapsed, steaming in the snow, and the road, still snowy but clear enough to ride stretched south toward Trost. No one else was in sight, so Mikasa breathed a sigh of relief as she assessed whether or not it was safe enough yet to retrieve Armin from the carcass.

The steam was too thick for her to see anything though. “Eren!” she shouted. “I need your help!”

Eren rumbled towards them and reached his hand into the steaming body, pulling Armin out, cradling his in the giant hand. The body immediately disintegrated, leaving more steam behind.

“Quick!” said Mikasa. “We need to get out of sight before anyone sees us!”

She leapt onto Eren’s shoulder and they sprinted back to the house, Armin lying unconscious in Eren’s arms.

When Hange saw them returning, they called down to Sasha and Connie. “Go! Hurry and come back as soon as you can!”

“Yes Commander!” They both shouted in unison, and galloped away down the path that Armin had cleared.

Mikasa leapt onto the ground, and Eren gently placed Armin down. Hange joined her and they carried him between them inside to give Eren enough space to transform back again. Mikasa was about to go back outside and help Eren in, but he stumbled in on his own, and immediately collapsed into a chair by the fire.

Armin’s eyes fluttered open where he sat in the other chair where Hange and Mikasa had set him down.

“Did I do it?” he asked feebly.

Hange knelt down in front of him. “Yes! You’re a hero Armin! Erwin would be proud.”

At this Armin could no longer control himself; he shuddered and tears fell from his eyes.

“Armin,” began Eren.

“No, I’m okay,” he stuttered. “I’m just so relieved!” He glanced at the staircase. “I just hope we’re not too late…”

Hange and Mikasa shooed Eren and Armin to bed to rest, and then Hange went to relieve Jean.

“You look like you could use some rest too,” said Mikasa, noticing the lines of exhaustion tracing Hange’s good eye.

Hange shook their head stubbornly. “No, I’ll stay with Levi until Sasha and Connie come back.”

Mikasa didn’t argue.

                                    ***

Jean and Mikasa tried to keep themselves busy, taking turns on lookout duty. Mikasa couldn't focus though, no matter what mindless task around the house she assigned herself. Levi would almost be proud at how tidy the place looked. Too restless to think anymore, she filled two teacups and went out to sit with Jean in the watchtower. She climbed up and sat beside him in the cold as they both stared out over the muddy, mangled path that Armin had plowed through what had been deep snow earlier that morning.

“Thanks,” muttered Jean, taking the cup gratefully from her in his shivering hands.

They sipped their tea, eyes fixed on the horizon for any sign of Sasha or Connie coming back, tension in the air as the time trickled by slowly.  

“It’s weird seeing the captain this vulnerable,” said Jean absentmindedly. “He’s humanity’s strongest soldier you know? Something about seeing him like this just feels...wrong.”

Mikasa only nodded in reply. He spoke exactly what she felt.

“What will we do if he dies?” Continued Jean. “I mean, we need him. He can’t die!” she could hear the panic creeping into his voice.

Mikasa had no answer for that. She said instead. “I can take over lookout duty for now, you should go inside and get warm.”

He nodded grimly, “Maybe I can finally convince Hange to take a break.” He left, taking his empty teacup with him and leaving Mikasa alone in the tower. She stared into the gray abyss of broken trees, trying not to imagine the worst.

                                                    ***

Hange was exhausted, but they refused to give in to sleep. Levi needed them now more than ever. The fever refused to drop and his breathing became weaker and weaker as the minutes ticked by.

“You can’t leave me Levi,” they whispered, grabbing his pale hand. “These kids need you, the world needs you, I need you. ”

They bent their head down and didn’t try to stop the subtle tears that fell from their eyes. Levi shivered weakly in his sleep. Hange moved their hand up to his chest, so they could feel the fluttering of his heartbeat under their touch. It was so weak, like a baby bird, so they cradled it there, willing it to stay and learn to fly.

                                                ***

There was a small bird chirping in the mist. Levi followed the sound of its voice and saw it on the damp ground, wings too small and weak to fly, crying out in a terrified high-pitched chirp.

He sank to his knees beside it. Isabel would have tried to save you… but it seems all I can do is die with you...

He lay down on the cold ground, letting the mist cover him.

He heard someone calling his name.

No...be quiet. I’m tired, just let me sleep please…

He closed his eyes and saw many faces beckoning to him. They were speaking but he couldn’t hear them. Isabel and Farlan waved to him. “Come with us!” they seemed to say. Oluo, El and Gunther called to him, but they were too far away for him to hear, and then there was Petra, smiling reassuringly.

“I can’t hear you!” he protested. The woman in the white dress from before, Kuchel Ackerman, reached out her hand, and he tried to grasp it, but there were Erwin’s hard, blue eyes, shaking his head.

“I need you,” said someone’s voice.

Levi tried to ignore it. He blinked and shook his head. Petra and the others were walking further away from him now.

“No! Take me with you!” he begged, but the mist stifled his voice, and no noise reached them.

The woman in white still beckoned to him, but her shape was blurry; he couldn’t see her face anymore.

“Remember your promise,” echoed Erwin’s voice.

“But Erwin, I can’t…. I’m too tired… Please! Take me with you!” He begged his mother, protesting Erwin’s last orders that rang in his ears even through the sifling mist. But Kuchel drifted back, out of sight, and the mist thickened, leaving him in shadows, the bird still chirping weakly beside him.

                                               ***

Mikasa shivered in the watchtower, her eyelids drooping. Please hurry, she silently willed, eyes fixed on the horizon. It was almost nightfall now, and the dusk glare cast a dusty glow on the path of mud, snow and broken trees. She considered going inside to wake up Eren or Armin to relieve her, or Jean. No, I have to stay, I have to keep watching. She knew despite her exhaustion she wouldn’t be able to sleep, so she stiffened her jaw and looked forward, eyes peeled for any movement on the darkening horizon.

Jean opened the door to Levi’s room gently, careful not to make too much noise. Hange had fallen asleep next to him, one hand lying on his chest. Jean could see it gently rising and falling, which brought momentary relief. He thought about waking Hange, but they looked so peaceful there, he figured it was better to leave them be.

Levi’s face was gray like shadows in the snow, and he coughed weakly in his sleep. Jean quietly tiptoed over to the bed and replaced the cloth on his forehead, careful not to wake the sleeping commander. He exited the room and peeked in at Eren and Armin who were both still fast asleep, before going downstairs to start another kettle. As he was filling it with snow from outside, he heard Mikasa shout.

“I can see them! They’re coming down the road!” The shaky desperation in her voice was apparent as she looked at Jean by the door. He almost dropped the kettle in relief. Finally.

Hange woke upon hearing Mikasa’s shout from outside. They sat up, surprised that they had fallen asleep, hand still across Levi’s chest that shuddered under their touch. Are they back? They stood up frantically and peeked out the door.

Jean was standing at the bottom of the stairs, halfway in the door, and Armin and Eren must have woken with the noise, because they both blinked drowsily into the hallway, observing intently.

“Mikasa spotted them!” said Jean. “They’re almost here!”

Hange breathed a sigh of relief and glanced back into the room at Levi’s sleeping form. “Just hold on a little longer,” they whispered.

Sasha and Connie leaped off their horses with urgency, not even bothering to take them to the stable before going inside. Sasha reached protectively into the satchel on her back, its precious contents bundled in her scarf. She and Connie had ridden without stopping until they came across a village. They knocked urgently at every door until someone could direct them to a doctor.

A grey-eyed man with foggy glasses opened the door, looking at the two of them with confusion. “Dr. Friedman?” asked Connie politely.

“Yes?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

“We are here on urgent military business, here is a notice from our commander,” said Sasha quickly. She thrust Hange’s note into the doctor’s hands.

“I suppose you’d better come in,” he said, ushering them inside.

They lingered just beyond the doorway while the doctor’s watery eyes scanned Hange’s instructions.

“I see,” he said, looking up at them gravely when he had finished.

Sasha and Connie both returned his glance, desperate and unblinking.

“So, it sounds like it is a quite serious chest infection, high fever, difficulty breathing, yes?” mused the doctor, walking over to a cupboard and taking out some bottles and a scale.

“Yes sir,” said Connie, shuffling his feet on the floor.

Sasha fidgeted with her hands behind her back. Please hurry.

After what felt like an eternity later, the doctor pressed a bottle of something into her trembling hands, along with a written note for Hange.

Connie hastily paid him and muttered his thanks.

Sasha nodded clumsily in gratitude, and they rode off quickly, Dr. Friedman watching them go with his brow furrowed. He was silently wondering why on earth the instructions in the Commander’s notice had said no doctor was to come to their location, only to send medicine. No matter, he thought, going back inside.

Now Sasha and Connie blundered into the house, not even stopping to remove their cloaks as they trundled up the stairs, meeting Hange in the entrance to Levi’s room.  

“Good work you two,” said Hange, taking the bottle gingerly from Sasha. They lingered anxiously in the doorway as the one-eyed commander scanned the instructions scrawled on the note. They nodded and went over to Levi’s side.

“Can one of you get me some water?” asked Hange, opening the bottle and looking inside.

Sasha muttered a hurried, “yes sir,” before sprinting downstairs and returning speedily with a cup of cold water. Jean entered the room behind her, with the kettle that had just boiled. Mikasa, having abandoned her post in the watchtower, hovered outside in the hallway, joined by Eren and Armin, still in their nightclothes.

Hange gently lifted Levi from the pillows so he was sitting semi-upright. “Jean, can you hold his nostrils shut?”

Jean pinched Levi’s nose while Hange cautiously measured some of the tonic into the lid of the bottle and poured it into Levi’s mouth. They gave him some water to ensure that it went down. His chest shook slightly, but he was too weak to cough, of which Hange was glad for once, because it meant that the medicine had a chance to enter his body.

“Hopefully this will bring the fever down, and clear the infection,” said Hange after they had laid his head back on the pillows, keeping him upright so that he could breathe more easily.

“Now what?” asked Connie, still standing in the doorway.

“Now we wait to see if it takes effect,” Hange replied in a whisper, brushing some of Levi’s damp hair back from his forehead.

Hange was so exhausted that they almost didn’t notice Jean’s steady hand on their shoulder. “Commander Hange, you should really get some rest, we can look after him.”

Hange glanced backwards to see all of the scouts standing in the doorway, worry etched deep on all of their faces. They smiled slightly. If Levi ever finds out that this many people were in his room at once, watching him sleep…. Well who says I ever have to tell him?

“Okay,” they said, standing and walking towards the door. Jean had already replaced them at the bedside, cooling Levi’s forehead again.

“Thank you, all of you for your help. I know the Captain will be deeply grateful when he wakes up. He likes to pretend like he doesn’t need anyone, but I know him better than that. He needs all of us, just as much as we need him…” Hange trailed off and sighed, looking once more at Levi’s sleeping form. They weren’t sure if they imagined it, but he already looked more at ease. Too tired to hear the scouts bashfully respond to them, Commander Hange walked to their bed, with limbs heavy, and was asleep within minutes.

By the next morning, Levi’s fever had dropped a considerable amount, and his breathing seemed to become less labored. The medicine thankfully seemed to be taking effect.

The scouts worked diligently to clean up the house the next day, ensuring that every corner, every surface, and anything beyond was tidy and spotless. They kept the kettle boiling, fire roaring and lookout manned. They would be fine.

The snow outside also started to melt on its own, signalling that Hange would have no choice but to return to HQ soon. They had already been away for far too long, and they had accomplished what they had come here to do, though not necessarily in the way that they expected. Knowing this, they decided to depart the next morning, after they were sure that Levi was really on the road to recovery. It made them uneasy, leaving Levi before he had regained consciousness, but they also felt reassured that he was in good hands.

Levi’s eyes fluttered open slowly. He felt warm, a heavy blanket on top of him. He stared upwards into shocked blue eyes. Erwin…? But then he blinked. No, it was Armin, who looked at him wide-eyed with an expression of pure relief.

“Captain! You’re awake!” he exclaimed, and placed a cold hand on Levi’s forehead.

“What are you doing?” he coughed, trying to sit up.

Armin pulled his hand away, breathing with a sigh of relief. “Fever is gone. You really scared us Captain!”

Levi groaned, sinking back down into the pillows. “What happened?”

“You had a fever sir,” stuttered Armin, “you were unconscious for about four days, we were really worried!”

Unconscious for four days? He thought in alarm.

He was aware of the door creaking open softly, and Hange entered the room, beaming. “I thought I heard right!” They exclaimed, rushing towards the bed and ensnaring Levi in a crippling hug. They broke away, muttering apologies when he started coughing again, his chest still echoing with the hollow sound, but no longer gasping for breath like he had been.

Hange felt his forehead just as Armin had done and smiled to feel that it had indeed cooled to a normal temperature.

“How are you feeling?” asked Armin gently.

Levi closed his eyes tightly for a second, opening them slowly. “Better now that you’re not crushing me anymore.” His voice was still hoarse. The fever had broken, but he was far from well. His face was pale and drawn, and his eyes were glassy and distant, carrying more shadows than they had before.

“You have Armin to thank for saving your life!” said Hange.

Armin shifted his eyes to the floor, looking embarrassed. “Well I…”

“Come on, give yourself some credit!” said Hange, slapping him on the shoulder with a little too much force.

“Oh…?” replied Levi, raising an eyebrow weakly.

“He transformed and melted all the snow so we were able to find you some medicine,” said Hange.

Levi widened his eyes as much as the strain in his head would allow, impressed. “Thank you Armin, it seems I owe you a great deal.”

“It wasn’t just me,” protested Armin. “Commander Hange rarely left your side, Sasha and Connie were the ones who ran to get the medicine, Eren and Mikasa retrieved me, and Jean made sure you stayed alive while we were gone: we all helped each other. You don’t owe me anything Captain. We’re a squad and that’s what we do. We need each other; at least, I couldn’t have done it alone.” Armin averted his eyes after his outburst of sincerity.

Levi nodded in cool agreement. “It seems I chose my squad well. Erwin would be proud.”

“I’m heading back to HQ in the morning,” said Hange, “but I feel better leaving, knowing you’re in very good hands.” They smiled at Armin.

Armin looked down at the floor again, not sure if he should believe the captain’s, or the commander’s words.

Levi shuddered and coughed again, wondering why he was still so tired if he had really been asleep for four days as Armin had said.

“We should let you rest,” said Hange softly, noticing his eyelids begin to droop with heaviness.

Too exhausted and weak to reply, Levi allowed himself to sink down onto the pillows, and within seconds, he was asleep. Hange adjusted the blankets once more before they quietly left the room with Armin.

Levi slept most of the next day, consistently and without strange dreams this time. Hange peeked in briefly before they left, careful not to wake him. They hadn’t ever seen Levi sleep this soundly before. However quiet they tried to be though, he still blinked awake and said hoarsely, “where are you going?”

Even when he’s sick he’s still the world’s lightest sleeper…

“I have to go back to HQ now,” Hange said. “I’ve already been away too long, and the snow is clearing, so I don’t really have an excuse anymore.”

“Good,” grunted Levi, “I’m starting to feel like one of your experiments.”

Hange laughed. “You’ll be in good hands here, try not to miss me too much.”

He nodded and then coughed. “Seriously though, Thank you Hange. I really do appreciate it.”

Their good eye widened. “What’s that? Captain Levi expressing his appreciation for me ? Do you have a fever again?” They felt his forehead just to be sure, grinning sideways when it was revealed to be cool and dry.

He shrugged weakly. “Armin was right, maybe we do all need each other.”

Hange smiled at that and said, “No cleaning when I’m gone, no training, no unnecessary exertion- you’re still very weak so I’m ordering you to stay in bed and let the squad take care of you.”

He rolled his eyes slightly, but muttered a quiet, “yes commander,” so Hange was able to leave satisfied.

The medicine and instructions were left on the bedside table for the scouts to administer. They all waved to Hange as they rode away down the muddy path through the broken trees.

Sometime in the evening the day Hange left, there was a soft knock on Levi’s door. He grunted, waking up slowly and sitting up, still a little shaky.

Mikasa came in with a steaming bowl that she set down on the table. “I brought you some food,” she said. “I mean- I don’t know if you’re hungry but you should probably eat something.”

“Thank you,” he said hoarsely, starting to try to get out of bed, but his muscles wouldn’t obey, and he laid back down, feeling drained as if he had just faced a titan headlong. Where is all my energy? I’m supposed to be humanity’s strongest soldier, but I can barely even lift my head.

“It’s ok,” reassured Mikasa, “Don’t try to get up. You’ve been very sick sir, so it’ll be awhile before you can get your strength back.”

Levi avoided her eyes as she brought the bowl closer to him. He tried to take it from her, but she withdrew when she noticed his hands trembling. “I’d better do it,” she said in a soothing voice.

Utterly defeated by the humiliation that he was too weak to even lift his hand to eat, he allowed Mikasa to feed him the warm broth. He wasn’t aware of it tasting like anything, but he could feel it warming his body and soothing the tremors in his chest.

He wanted to stop halfway through the bowl, but Mikasa looked at him sternly and made him finish the rest, “The only way you’ll get stronger is if you eat.”

The soup made him feel warm and sleepy. Mikasa’s face was blurring before his eyes. “Rest now sir,” she said, drawing the blanket up to cover him, but he didn’t hear her; he had already closed his eyes and sunk into sleep.

Levi woke the next day to dim light coming through his icy window panes. The soft glow came from the west, signalling that it was sunset. Did I really sleep all day?

He gingerly climbed out of bed. His muscles screamed in protest, and he still coughed roughly as he stood. Hange had ordered him to stay in bed, yes, but his body was stiff and achy, not from the feverish chill in his body anymore, but from lying in bed for 5 days straight.

Shakily, he put a clean shirt on and wrapped a thin blanket around his shoulders. He didn’t know where his jacket was and he didn’t have the energy to look for it. The house was still cold, but he was certain now that this was from the frost on the windows, and not from fever.

He stumbled out of the room, holding on to the wall for support.

“Captain, what are you doing!” Exclaimed Sasha from behind him.

He turned his face to see her eyes, wide-eyed with concern.

He coughed, “I need to get out of that room, I need some air.”

She was next to him in an instant, offering her arm for support, which he reluctantly took. “Commander Hange said-”

“Don’t worry, I won’t try to clean or do anything strenuous, I just want to go downstairs,” he croaked.

Sasha looked uneasy, “but Captain Levi…”

He narrowed his eyes at her and she nodded, allowing her to take hold of his shoulders and help him downstairs.

Levi almost gasped out loud when he saw the downstairs. His eyes widened in surprise. “What...it’s completely spotless!” Every surface had been dusted, cleaned and polished.

Sashsa blushed… “Er, we cleaned a bit while you were asleep.”

Levi allowed her to guide him into the kitchen, which was immaculately clean, not a smudge nor crumb in sight. A pot of soup boiled invitingly on the stove. He actually admitted that he found himself hungry, unlike yesterday when he had forced himself to eat to appease Mikasa.

The others were milling around the kitchen, setting the table and getting ready to eat together.

“Captain Levi!” They all shouted in unison.

“Enough already,” he grumbled, as Sasha helped him into a chair. “You can’t be that happy to see me.”

“Sir, shouldn’t you still be in bed?” asked Armin nervously.

“You still look a bit pale…” remarked Mikasa. She also noticed that he had visibly lost weight. His clothes hung loosely around his shoulders and his cheeks were hollow on his face, dark circles etched deeply below his eyes.

Levi glared at them both, “So? What is it to you?”

Well at least he has his attitude back, that’s a good sign, thought Eren.

Sasha poured him a bowl of soup and set it down in front of him. He nodded to her gratefully, trying to stifle the slight shaking in his hands as he lifted the spoon. Damn it, I can do this myself... His efforts weren’t enough to completely hide his struggle though, based on the expression of concern that they were all shooting in his direction. He ignored them and instead took another look around the room intently. “I have to say, I am impressed, I’ve never seen it this clean in here; I couldn’t have done a better job myself.”

They all widened their eyes and ate their soup, too shocked that Captain Levi was complimenting them to actually say anything. “Th-thank you Captain?” said Jean hesitantly.

They all stared nervously around the table, and it was Sasha who finally broke the silence. “We were just so worried about you sir!”

“We thought you were going to die!” added Armin.

“Uh yeah… it was really unsettling having you out of commission,” said Jean.  

“Please never scare us like that again Sir!” cried Mikasa.

Eren didn’t say anything but nodded vigorously in agreement, his green eyes directed across the table with determined intensity.

“Relax, it’ll take more than a stupid cough to kill me,” said Levi, ending his sentence in annoyance as he actually started coughing.

He ignored their looks of concern and said, “So, did anything interesting happen while I was asleep? I mean, besides Armin turning into a titan and Eren not being a sulky teen anymore and ignoring the rest of us.”

Eren scowled. Sasha giggled softly and Armin and Mikasa both averted their eyes.

“Pretty much sums it up sir…” said Jean, clearly trying not to laugh.

Just at that moment, the door opened with a gust of chilly air and Connie trundled in from the watchtower. He hung his cloak and said, without turning around, “Eren it’s your turn on lookout!”

He walked into the kitchen and broke into a huge smile when he saw Levi. “Captain!” He exclaimed, “Welcome back!”

“Thank you Connie,” he replied, his voice husky.

Eren stood up, eyes downcast and went to take up his post outside. Okay nevermind, he’s as moody as always.

Levi tried to help them clear away the dishes after they were all done eating, but Mikasa firmly stopped him. “Sorry sir, but Hange strictly ordered us not to let you clean.”

“Did they now…?” he sighed. There was no point fighting back over a few dishes, besides, he didn’t have the energy anyway.

Instead, he succumbed to sitting in front of the fire, subtly watching them clean up. He could hear Sasha and Connie splashing dishwater at each other, Jean complaining when it accidentally struck him, and Armin’s light footfalls as he swept the floor, Mikasa’s hands wiping down the table in smooth, polished motions…

The noises were comforting; the sound of their laughter and rhythmic working brought a warm feeling into his chest.

Someone brought him a cup of tea, but his eyes were already starting to become heavy. “Thank you,” he murmured, smiling slightly, and then feeling warm and content, he allowed himself to rest.

“I’ve never seen him look this relaxed!” whispered Mikasa, who had put down the teacup.

“Shhhh,” said Armin, covering him gently with a blanket.

They diminished into the kitchen, leaving him there with a peaceful expression on his face.

Levi slept soundly and dreamed of snow, but this time no blue-eyed shadows followed him, and he was able to watch glittering white flakes dance, laughing peacefully as they fell.

[cherriesink]

Maeda Yoshinobu - Murmurs

Murmurs are snippets of character reflection earned by increasing Explore Points during Exploration. They usually include 6-7 monologues about other characters and 3-4 monologues about things important to the specific character.

These lines are taken straight from the English translation of the game, so fair warning of bad grammar.

About Yatsufusa “It looks like Yatsufusa won’t join Code Zero no matter what... If I remember correctly, “Yuuki” is the last name of the gentry in the navy. Is he related to them? 

He held a strong aversion towards to the military. He also isn’t suited for the military. Although, differently than Kurusu. He rejects the military under his own strong belief.

...Well, he won’t become a threat to us. It’s unthinkable that he will become a suspect in a special case at least while he’s living like a decent human being at Tenman-ya. 

Never did I imagine that I will be running a top-secret vampire unit when I signed up to become a soldier... But look at me now, going back and forth between humans and vampires. I don’t want to accept it, however- I’m not much different than Yatsufusa in that sense. I’m neither a human nor a demon myself...” 

About Kurusu “Shutaro Kurusu- the strongest vampire in Japan ranking in A-Class. But why did such power go to a rookie like him above all people... It gives me a headache just thinking about it. Even if he’s physically A-Class, he’s useless in battles if his heart and soul are unranked.

On top of that, he shows sympathy for both vampires and humans. How did such a spineless one make it into the army in the first place... Sheesh. Our hearts and soul are the only things we cannot train to get better at... Perhaps it’s what we call a quirk of fate.

Even so, I must build up the unit for Code Zero to function. Especially Kurusu. Practice makes perfect- I must teach him how to move before thinking anything. I’ll teach him how to become a proper soldier that slays a vampire with his reflex. 

First and foremost, I must change the way he talks... What in the world did the army teach him? He’s no different from a civilian on the streets...”

About Yamagami “That fool, Yamagami and I graduated the same year from the military academy. He is incompetent as a soldier. He wasn’t as smart as me but he wasn’t bad either. That is why he was assigned as the military attaché to the Embassy of Japan in London. He was posted in Great Britain as a military diplomat... His assignment was to look into the highly confidental information of Britain’s special unit. So how did it end up being “Many go out for woll and come home shorn”?

That fool! How can he be so foolish, turning himself into a vampire?! And an unranked one... Even I can beat him. But like they say, “Fire and water make good servants but bad masters,” he can detect vampires that are stronger than him- in other words, every vampire that’s hiding in Japan because he’s unranked. He is the eyes of Code Zero so to speak.

...But did you really have to become a vampire yourself? You fool...”

About Takeuchi “Takeuchi is indispensable for Code Zero. Vampires are full of weaknesses. And Japan does not have that many vampires compared to other countries. Kurusu is the only A-Class. The the rest are C, D, or unranked...

We will fall behind foreign countries on special missions at this rate. That is why Takeuchi’s inventions are crucial to cover up our weaknesses so we can equally compete with western ones. Some weapons are ready to be used in an actual battle.

...But I’ve heard rumors that he’s selling his inventions in department stores since he has been whining about the recent budget cuts... Apparently, the sunscreen for vampires are popular amongst women and bringing him loads of money... It’s a military secret for god’s sake.

What in the world is he thinking...?”

About Suwa “It is impossible to understand what Suwa is thinking. It’s nearly impossible to control a vampire that’s been living since the Azuchi-Momoyama period. He can’t even control himself because he’ll lose himself the second he smells human blood. Therefore- the deodorize mask is a necessity for him. 

I’m sure the only ones who’ve killed a human being in Zero are Suwa and myself. He was a stray vampire for a long period of time. Therefore, dangerous. He is a bare sword. The only element that allows me to control him is his loathe against vampires. Apparently, he hunted vampires as a hobby before joining Code Zero and was feared by other vampires.

In any case, I shouldn’t have to worry about him as long as he has blood, the deodorize mask- and a target to hunt for.

...If he ever becomes a threat against mankind, I will have Kurusu take care of him. I must train Kurusu hard enough until that day though...”

About Defrott “Honestly- I want Defrott on our team. There is nothing more reassuring than having an S-Class vampire in Code Zero. However... sadly, that is impossible. Since he is only interested in plays and nothing else. His pride as an S-Class vampire will not allow let alone being used by the military.

On the other hand, he does not attack people. We cannot beat him either, even if we use all our resources. There’s no other way but to keep a certain distance from him. 

That’s where Yatsufusa comes in. Because it seems that Defrott likes his company. I don’t quite get them but Yatsufusa is essential in order for us to keep a good relationship with Defrott. Either way, I’ll let him be for the time being.

...Wasn’t Suwa into plays too? Perhaps I can make Suwa go undercover. It’s combining pleasure and profit for him.”

About Tenman-ya “Tenman-ya deals with vampires for a different purpose as Code Zero. It’s surprising that they’ve been protecting vampires since the Edo period- long before Code Zero was established. And the owner being human. Shinnosuke doesn’t know the exact history of the shop either but he is the 13th proprietor. 

Honestly, it is no ideal that another organization has the same amount of information as us- if not even more than Code Zero.

However, I must acknowledge that they are the reason why the vampires living in the Imperial City are quiet. We do no need to make waves if vampires are buying blood in exchange for their labor.

That manager- Ishikawa was it? He makes me curious but we should keep our relationship as is since he shares information with Code Zero while supporting Shinnosuke.”

About Code Zero “Like they say, “Only God knows what will happen,” who would’ve imagined that there are vampires in this world. I was living as an earnest soldier and now I’m in the middle of a war with vampires.

It’s as if I’m in one of those nursery tales. I never understood the story of “Momotaro” even as a child. Because if I was going to fight the ogre, I will never choose to take the dogs, monkeys, or pheasants with me as a fellow companion. They’re useless.

However, my fellow companions turned out to be... Yamagami, an unranked vampire, Suwa, an irrational one, Takeuchi, a science geek, and Kurusu that refuses to fight. Suddenly, Momotaro has better companions than me.

...Either way, I must go fight the demon with these subordinates of mine. What a pathetic Momotaro I am...”

About the Right Arm “I amputated my right arm because I got bitten by a vampire... If I didn’t act with my impulse, I would’ve probably been long gone by now. Or be sleeping in one of the coffins that Takeuchi invented. 

It was inconvenient at first, but this prosthetic arm isn’t so bad anymore. It can act as a shield against a vampire’s fangs and a weapon if I swing it around. Being able to fight with one arm is actually an advantage when putting it into practice.

The only problem is that my heart suffered serious damage when I lost so much blood from amputating my own arm. Either way, I would’ve died if I hadn’t cut it off on the spot. I should be glad that I was able to extend my life. Other than that, I just have difficulty driving...

I just remembered that I punched a vampire so hard the other day. I have to get Takeuchi to fix my arm. I should have him reinforce it even if that means a few extra kilograms.”

About Vampires “I’ve never even heard of vampires when I lived in my hometown of Saga. People went missing sometimes. Was it a vampire’s doing now that I think about it?

I’m sure I’ll get mocked by myself if I tell myself from just a few years ago what I’m doing right now. Nobody signs up to join the military thinking that they’ll become... a colonel of a special unit for vampires.

I’m glad I trained hard in swordsmanship to the point where it hardened my hands. Bullets are useless with vampires. Even if it hits, it won’t cause much damage. They’re easy to read because they all do the same move. They come up to you and try to bite you on the neck. That’s when they slow down for a split second. The most efficient way to kill them is to slice them at that moment.

...All this knowledge that I have is only useful against vampires. Even if I told anyone, they’ll laugh at me for sure.

Oh well. You never know what happens in life.”

[ancient-day]

On the Third Semester and PT Awareness

Over the year, I’ve seen various interpretations concerning the third semester and how “guilty” the Phantom Thieves are in falling prey to Maruki’s reality, and I wanted to throw out my own take and observation on the group. And this observation is based under the assumption that Akira has reached Confidant Rank 10 with every single party member, including Akechi and Sumire.

This isn’t to argue with anyone, and I’m not looking to make any sort of “I’m right; therefore, you’re wrong if you don’t agree” arguments here because at the end of the day, responses to media will always vary, and these characters are all human enough to have a multitude of interpretations. That does not make them badly written, it simply means that we as the audience may have different understandings based on our own personal experiences that impact how we view the characters.

With all that being said, I’ll get right into it. Do I think the PT were “bad friends” to Akira in the third semester? Short answer: It’s complicated, and different friends fulfill different needs. Long answer, below.

Starting with Akechi.

I’m gonna get this out of the way, but worry not, this isn’t an elaborate excuse to gush about their bond even if they’re my favorite characters. Bias aside,  Akira and Akechi have a solid bond where they’ve finally come to rely on each other, and we finally get to see that come into play in this final arc of the game.

In Rank 8, Akechi expresses admiration for Akira’s strength and admits that he’d be relying on him in a pinch.

And this is exactly what he does when he seeks out Akira as soon as he’s let out of police custody. He notices things are odd and immediately goes to the person he knows he can rely on so that they can figure it out together. It’s painted as a deal, and obviously that appears strictly transactional, but that’s exactly how Akira has operated in his own relationships. He makes deals with his confidants; this is nothing new.

He even admits that he’d have snapped Akira out of the delusion, just like Akira does for all his other friends (albeit in a much less gentle way, but in his defense, he’s not exactly equipped for gently talking someone out of their happiness).

So for better or for worse, Akechi’s here with all the straightforwardness and sharp edges you could expect from someone dragged back from death’s door to deal with yet another manipulative adult trying to control his and his friend’s lives. He isn’t without his sympathetic moments, but for the most part, he’s clearly trying to be the consistent voice of reason when anyone may falter.

One of the most incredible displays of this is 2/2. By this point, all of the PT have been broken out of their trance, and they’re well aware that Maruki is going to confront Akira, especially because Akechi basically goes out of his way to point out that it’s the most likely scenario in their group chat.

Even though they all know this, they trust Akira to be able to handle this as their leader and to reach out if he needs anything. The problem here is that... Akira isn’t exactly known to do this. By now, they’ve all known him for a year, and they know that he handles most of his shit alone (mostly due to the Protagonist ProblemTM where the protag has to be mostly self-reliant to give the player something to do, but there are also instances of Akira deliberately hiding his pain and trauma from others to ease their minds [his headaches and responses to Shido]).

So why are they making him do it alone? Why isn’t anyone on stand-by? It’s possible they consider Morgana as enough support, so perhaps the thought never crosses their mind. Even Morgana is apprehensive about the whole thing, but doesn’t advise him to contact anyone else.

So who does give him back-up? Akechi. He doesn’t invite himself in, he doesn’t text Akira to let him know he’s just outside in case he needs him, and he doesn’t draw attention to it until Maruki calls him out.

He could be here for any number of reasons, and it doesn’t even have to be just one reason. But let’s assume he’s here because he wants to make sure Akira won’t be swayed by Maruki’s words or the temptation of his life without him being present to speak for himself. In both cases, he’s emotionally backing Akira up and going out of his way to help in his own way.

This speaks volumes for his strength of resolve and how far he’s come.

I don’t need to discuss the rest of this interaction because the primary focus is that Akechi demonstrates his friendship by being there for Akira even when his year-long friends weren’t (physically).

But are they bad friends for not doing this?

Not necessarily. Not everyone has this kind of strength and awareness to understand their friends on this level. Akira and Akechi understand each other well because they’re very similar at their core. This isn’t necessarily bias because the game goes out of its way to show and tell us this (hell, Arsene’s and Loki’s silhouettes are strikingly similar!). It makes them inconsiderate perhaps, but it doesn’t mean that they’re overall bad friends.

It’s not completely their fault that they buy Akira’s stoic leader personality. He doesn’t really give them much to work with, and as much as we all want to believe that we’d do better as friends, sometimes you really do think people can handle the problems they say they can and just hope that they’ll come to you when they need you. It’s human.

So rewinding now that I’m done focusing on what Akechi offered as a friend this semester and going back to the PT being under Maruki’s influence.

Each of the thieves offers Akira an apology during their third awakening, and I’m sure many people found this highly unnecessary because as far as we know, they were completely brainwashed by Maruki’s control on the world around them. However, if this were the case, then why would they feel so deeply apologetic? I have a couple theories about this.

One. This would be the second time Akira has to push them out of their own wallowing (the first time in the Velvet Room just before fighting Yaldabaoth), and their resolves back then would appear flimsy to them now having fallen under yet another form of manipulation. Where before they were ready to submit to the hopelessness and sloth, here they’re falling under Maruki’s spell because a strong enough part of them desired things to be different regardless of how far they’d come and how much they’d grown.

Two. Because they were at least partially aware things were odd and willingly chose to ignore it because they didn’t want to confront the truth.

This is said before the third awakenings, right after the group comes to rescue Akira and Akechi and help defeat berserk!Cendrillon. While the group had a conversation about vaguely remembering events that contradict their happy reality prior to this, this confirms that at least Futaba was aware things were odd even before Akira tried to snap her out of it. Whether this is due to her navigation abilities or her awakening having been linked to her desire to never again turn her eyes away from the truth, it’s hard to say. But this is important to note that while they were tempted by Maruki, at least one person in the group was aware that things were odd and willingly chose not to question it.

Can we blame her? Of course not. But it’s still worth pointing out that this situation isn’t so clear as “the PT had absolutely zero idea that they were in an odd situation until Akira tried to wake them from it.”

So what about everyone else? What do they really have to be sorry for?

Morgana apologizes for not holding true to his resolve, and he feels as though he’s let both himself and Akira down in doing so. He also acknowledges that he’s responsible for shoving all his own problems onto Akira and vows to change this.

While he doesn’t seem to admit to any awareness that things were odd before Akira put the idea in his head, it seems like he still holds himself responsible for having had doubts in his resolve that he’d reached with Akira in their rank 10. And these doubts caused him to rely on that false happiness and turn his back on Akira, even if he didn’t mean to.

I think it’s great that he brings attention to this and wants to be more independent. Of course Akira will still be there for him, but it’s not healthy for either of them for Morgana to have put him in this position, and now they can continue growing in their friendship. And so when he promises to protect Akira from here on out, it’s a vow that rings true because he had the strength to confront his own weaknesses, admit to them, and apologize for how they hurt someone he cares deeply about. Sometimes we hurt people we love without meaning to or when we’re caught up in ourselves.

And these characters are teenagers. They’re inherently pretty selfish, which isn’t an evil or bad thing so much as it’s a stage of life that makes it difficult to look outside yourself. Makoto even admits to this in her own apology.

When we’re fans of these characters, our instinct is to say you didn’t do anything wrong; you have nothing to apologize for, but these apologies aren’t coming out of no where, and they’re allowed to reflect and regret what they’ve done even if they didn’t mean to.

And I know I already touched on Futaba’s situation here, but there’s something else in her third awakening that shows her bond with Akira and adds to her guilt. She specifically fears that she’s betrayed him and hurt him greatly, even though he reassures her she hasn’t. Why does this stand out to me? Because all throughout Royal, one of Akira’s consistent fears is the fear of betrayal.

And this shows that Futaba knows him well enough to know this is something that hurts him personally, and she’s worried she did that to him. While the hurt isn’t as severe as she fears, it’s a fair assumption for her to come to after having admitted that she willingly turned away from the truth.

I’m going to cut the awakenings here because I don’t have much else to add about the entirety of the PT because it could end up redundant, but these were specific examples that show that they do have things to apologize to Akira for, and it’s not a matter of them blaming themselves for being “brainwashed” so much as them apologizing for once again putting Akira in a position where he has to snap them out of their weaknesses after they’ve promised to be there for him.

The overall impression I get from their responsibility in the matter is that to an extent, all of them probably experienced something similar to what Futaba described about having felt something was off initially but ignored/denied it until Akira came to them and really made them confront it out loud. Her sense of it may have been the strongest, but I still think there has to be some degree in each of them, even if faint.

This makes them human, flawed yet sympathetic. They’re allowed to mess up in their friendships, especially since a majority of them have close to no experience with friendship as is. Akechi isn’t the better support here due to his own skills in friendship; he and Akira have a special understanding of one another because they’re extremely similar and aren’t convinced by masks and appearances. And Akechi has been severely manipulated, so he knows damn well that Akira’s gonna need back-up against another manipulative person even if he thinks he can handle it alone. Akechi’s been there and he knows how that goes.

So it’s not necessarily a matter of him being the better friend overall so much as they’re all Akira’s close friends and support him in various ways. And ideally, Akira should have that in his friend group. There are things that the PT can offer that Akechi can’t, and vice versa. But I think it’s more than fair to acknowledge when the PT slip up and have a messy handling of their relationships.

They’re all growing and learning.