#many a lesbian has helped me in my journey

[fablepaint]

Something about the present moment makes me think trans-mascs like myself have a big role to play in bridging the gap. Our trans-femme friends have done much to present femininity as a positive force. They've inspiring many cis women and men to view what's femme in more positive terms.

But us on the other side of the spectrum, I think we can do the same with masculinity. We've had to grapple with the negative, embracing the positive, and arguing against being anti-femme as a form of masc-identification.

We're typically a pretty quiet bunch, yet we are trusted by our cis male friends to be people who they can talk with about more sensitive topics without having their gender called into question (one of the major ways toxicity takes hold).

We have the opportunity to be role models not just for the trans-boys just cracking their eggs, but cis-boys too hoping to find some way of being an adult man that isn't just reducing them to their reproductive capacity (see all the ways boys are pressured to make their identities entirely sex-based).

What was helpful for us, in framing our masculine identity? How do we pass that on to the younger generation? How do we share that with our colleagues too?

[pigdemonart]

Battle Subway Depot Agents (by pig-demon)

When I made designs for these guys last year I didn’t really think they needed colored references/master post, but since then I’ve drawn them a lot! Also people have added them to their fanfics and drawn fanart! So I figured it was time I made a post for easy ref. :]

These designs are obviously free to use, just give credit (and link me your work if you're comfortable, because it makes me happy to see!) All I request is to stay respectful to their pronouns and skin colors, ya knooow… 👍 note: The pokemon on their cards are all companions, not the ones they use on the Battle Subway. Except Jackie...the litwicks are just there to fill space/give them company.

More info under cut:

Edit: Important disclaimer:

These are again my designs/interpretations for the agents. Please don’t treat them as canon or as the only, quintessential designs for these literal background npcs. Many people have done takes on them before and after me, even back in 2010. It feels silly to ask, but due to past experience, I ask that you please DONT hunt down anyone that does a different take on the depot agents!! 👍

Tags:

I'm gonna start tagging them individually, but for now all Depot Agent comics and art on this blog are tagged under Depot Agents.

Height chart:

I’m not too strict about heights, so I don’t really care about actual measurements. Here’s an approximation of what I tend to visualize though:

Sexualities/Gender Identities: I don't have official labels for each and every agent because I like keeping things fluid for characters to develop these traits on their own. However, as a queer person, I enjoy designing characters who are also queer, therefore I can safely say none of these characters are straight. The ones who are set in stone are Ramses (gay man), Cloud (lesbian woman,) Jackie (non-binary.) Furze uses he/they pronouns but their gender is undetermined. I also welcome anyone giving the agents a different gender identity to suit them (as long as it's done respectfully.)

Notes about each agent...

Cameron:

- Cameron dyes parts of his hair blonde and keeps other parts in black. This is because he is a big fan of Elesa and her fashion choices.  - Though there have been a few occasions to meet his idol, he is always way too nervous to approach her, feeling deep down that he'll mess up somehow. - He practices modeling poses in secret. He loves flourishes and flare, but is simply too insecure to put it on display. - Of his coworkers, he gets along the best with Furze. He's the easiest to talk to because Furze will do most of the talking. - Cameron is easily intimidated — even mean Pokémon can make him nervous. Though, his two worst fears are being left in a room alone with Jackie, and being left alone in a room with Isadore. - He takes advantage of his height to sometimes hide behind some of his coworkers. - Cameron is much better at Pokémon battles than he gives himself credit for. Emmet and Ingo were pleasantly surprised by this, since Cameron was promoted to fit a temporary role on the Battle Subway. They happily made him a permanent member when he proved himself capable. - His Dwebble (Pebby) is secretly very strong, and rushes to protect Cameron when it can. Cam sometimes thinks Pebby helps him feel more confident in himself too.  - If he stumbled into any of his coworkers outside of work, he would simply explode of embarrassment. - He is the youngest child and only son of his family. He lives in his own apartment in Nimbasa.

Cloud:

- Cloud (like Ramses) knew the twins when they were very young. - She used to be an ace trainer in her youth, even going so far to compete in the Pokémon league. Winning and becoming the champ was the most important part of her journey, but something happened along the way that changed that outlook. - It seems with age, her competitiveness has mellowed out. However, she maintains an intense energy when battling.  - Her favorite types are Psychic and Flying types. Swoobat (Sweetie) is her ace.  - Her favorite hobby is baking, and she often bakes sweets for the crew. She knows all their favorite flavors by now! - She prioritizes keeping a friendly relationship with all her coworkers and thinks of them fondly. She considers Ramses family after all the years of working together!  - She is a big fan of Brycen's movies and can recite the lines. - She lives with her wife in Anville. - Cloud loves doing maintenance work both at home and in Gear Station. She enjoys bringing her own tools and industrial flashlight.

Furze:

- Furze only has one volume setting (mid loud,) but he finds himself feeling right at home when talking to either one of the twins. - Furze has ADHD, and this is reflected in some of his habits, most visibly is his fidgeting when sitting still for too long. - He rides a bike to work every day. When he is late, Cloud clocks in for him so he doesn't get in trouble. - This is a kind of a guy that sits crouched gargoyle style on chairs. Only outside of work, of course. Bad posture could get him in trouble. - While working on the Battle Subway, there will be times Furze feels sorry for his opponents and offers to quietly let them pass anyways. This...has also gotten him in trouble. :[ - He went to the same elementary school as Isadore in Castelia. Though Isadore seems to have forgotten their short-lived acquaintance, Furze has not. This is part of the reason Furze claims they are in fact good friends!!! - Furze is the middle child of a big family. He lives with his mom and takes care of her, along with his many Darumakas and Darmanitan. All of his Pokemon have famous trains names. - He collects model trains. Naturally.

Isadore

- Isadore had plans to become the station master the moment he was hired as a depot agent, but alas... (sad trumpet sound.) - As a youth, he was more interested in science and engineering over Pokemon battles. He enjoys the strategizing aspect, at most. Not so much the competitiveness. - In addition, his Pokemon are all rescues and not used for battling. He's had his Watchog (Winston) since he was in his late teens. - His Electrode (Gregor) and Voltorb (Leonard) were rescued from the likes of Team Plasma. - Isadore admits he understands Pokemon better than humans. This has been apparent his whole life. - In spite of acting like a sitcom villain, Isadore cares about the management of Gear Station and the safety of the passengers to an incredible degree. He sees it as a personal life goal to assist in the management of Gear Station, as well as the success of the Battle Subway. - Though it pained him to become a subordinate to the twins, he begrudgingly accepts it for the greater good. - His almost militant efficiency certainly made up for his years of antagonizing the twins before they became the bosses. Ingo and Emmet understand this better than anyone. - Isadore keeps tabs on all of the staff members. So he very well knows all their birthdays and makes it a point to celebrate it. This is by no means a -happy- or -festive- event. It's just customary. - Like Furze, he was originally from Castelia, but now resides in Nimbasa. Isadore's only family is his mom and she lives in his childhood home with their Stoutland. - Isadore would have probably been voiced by every glasses guy ever J. Michael Tatum had he not already been cast as dear Emmet lmao

Jackie

- Jackie is a mystery and they like keeping it that way. When they talk, it's practically impossible to determine what is a lie or truth, especially if the subject is themselves or their background. - They love scaring Cameron the most and will ask to be paired with him whenever possible. They claim Cameron is their "favorite coworker," while Isadore is the least favorite. - It's plain to see why -- Jackie is the only one that doesn't passively tolerate Isadore's tirades. - Though my comics sometimes may allude to Jackie being a ghost/supernatural, this is not confirmed nor canon. I just personally enjoy toying with the concept. : ) That being said...

- Item #: SCP 7453

- Object Class: Euclid

- Special Containment Procedures: The ████ ██████ is ██████ within ████-██████. - Ingo and Emmet choose to not question anything about Jackie, since it's clear they're one of the more efficient workers. However it can be a safety concern... - Cloud and Ramses have worked with Jackie for a long time, though they've forgotten somehow. They believe Jackie is a new hire since they appear to be young. - Anyone trying to make sense of Jackie's employee records simply can't bring themselves to any conclusions. It's better to ignore the inconsistencies. - Jackie has never been seen to leave Gear Station. Jackie has never been seen in anything but their uniform. Jackie has never been confirmed to eat, drink or blink. Jackie knows your secrets. Jackie thinks it's... amusing.

Ramses

- Ramses sometimes misses having a full head of hair, but he thinks his signs of age make him look distinguished. (he is correct.) - Ramses is sort of the "mom friend," making sure everyone's concerns are heard, as well as trying to keep the peace whenever a conflict might arise. - If another coworker is feeling low, Ramses will try to cheer them up with a lighthearted joke or offer advice if they'd like it. - When the twins were promoted to bosses of the Battle Subway, Ramses cried because he felt so proud. - In most circumstances, he is a very simple and logical man. He is quick to find solutions and tries not to fret over the little stuff. It's not good for his heart after all. - His ace is his Pikachu (Musa,) though the mouse is more of a lap pet now. At home, he also has an Audino (Sara) and a Manectric (Nubi) who keep Ramses' husband company. His Klinklang (Moli) is the only one of his personal pokemon that accompany him to work nowadays. - Ramses considers Cloud family. They are best friends and love having family gatherings outside of work. They also gossip a lot, and don't mind when Jackie decides to join. - Ramses jokes about looking forward to retirement, but really doesn't want to leave until he is physically incapable of working anymore. Gear Station is like a second home to him.

In-Game Quotes

The most important reference of all are their in-game quotes, of course, so I'm adding it to the post. A lot of their personality traits can be extracted and interpreted from these few lines. And I personally love that about Pokemon NPCs -- there's a lot of room to explore and play with. Some appear very obvious. Cameron practically announces that he isn't ready for the battle that's about to ensue and seems genuinely surprised to win. Furze comes out the gate talking about the subject they actually care about, which is their job and their love for trains. The two of them are very easy to understand. Now, Ramses lines allude to a gentle and simple personality. He views himself with humility, and maybe even with a bit of humor comparing himself to a train and to his opponent to a station. If he loses he shows no signs of disappointment, he just accepts defeat with one last honest quip. It s also amusing to see the Depot Agents all use train metaphors to describe themselves since it falls in line with how Ingo and Emmet talk.

In comparison, Cloud does the same thing calling herself the terminal instead. Immediately, she is way more daring, though still keeping a sense of professionalism. To me, it's obvious she is competitive as she even admits she was expecting to win ("Ah...I didn't see it coming.") Jackie's lines are fun since it's up to interpretation if they are being literal or lying. It's almost like they are more interested in confusing/creeping out their opponent than actually beating them. To me, it gives off a mischievous vibe. Isadore's opener "There are only two roads in life." is a curious one because it almost feels like he is trying to be philosophical. Definitely a guy who views himself as an intellectual, regardless if that’s true or not. I like to think it's a saying he really believes in, and it applies to his life. The road he likes (long route) vs the road he hates (shortcut) -- fighting tooth and nail to become boss vs biting his tongue and accepting Ingo and Emmet as the Subway Masters.

Those are just my thoughts on how I write these characters. Please have fun playing with these lines too!

[fangirlyness]

Tsukutabe is truly something. I've not felt such a connection - and hyperfixation - with a fictional world in over a decade.

For years, I've been fearful of the word "lesbian" and would avoid using it for myself, even though it accurately describes who I am. I'd say: other words fit me better, and I have the power to choose whatever I want. I'd also say: well, words don't really matter, so whatever.

"Lesbian" has not felt comfortable, and at times, felt wrong for me. Sometimes, these stigmas we've internalised can be tough to budge.

For Nomoto and Yako to explicitly and repeatedly call themselves lesbians has been so healing for me. To see Asian women, like me, on-screen owning this word without shame has changed me for the better. It is just a word, and a meaningful one that has helped Nomoto, Kasuga, and Yako understand themselves, each other, and their place in the world better. It's brought them comfort and love and a chosen family. Sayama and Nagumo have been wonderful catalysts for Nomoto and Kasuga's journey to self-discovery.

The idea that the word "lesbian" could one day be part of me as well seems possible now, and not so scary. I mean, I even made a post about the word!

This is one reason - of many, many, so many reasons - for why I've felt such a draw to Tsukutabe.

And of course, thank you to @furritsubs for your thoughtful subtitles and informative notes. Without your hard work, I - and so many other people who don't know Japanese - could not have experienced the treasure that is Tsukutabe.

I would also love to thank the actors, author, screenwriter, and other staff involved in the show directly, but ahhhhhh, I'm too shy. So I'll thank them indirectly here - thank you so much. You have no idea how impactful your work has been for me.

Tsukutabe elevates kindness, sincerity, and living as you are, as honestly as you can. This is what I've needed, and I imagine what others might have needed too.

These characters and their world will stay in my heart forever.

Thank you, Tsukutabe.

[liesmyth]

the locked tomb holiday exchange rec list

Behold! The good, the magnificent, the sad! The filth and the angst and the feelings! The weird shit that would make TazMuir proud! 💀🎉✨☠️🔥🎊

Here are some favourites from a skim of works posted for @tlt-holiday-exchange, both art and fic. They are MANY and they are JUICY. Find the entire collection HERE, and keep an eye on for authors reveal coming soon!

ART FILLS

A Beautiful Fairy Tale. Wake tells little Bomb a bedtime story but she can't mention a princess without talking about guillotines. Rated T.

Dubious Curiosity. Nona is curious. Nona loves everyone. And Nona wants Cam. (Camilla/Nona) Rated M.

Fingers In Her Mouth. Camilla Hect misses the Warden. Maybe he can lend a helping hand… even in death. (Camilla/hand!Palamedes) Rated M.

just guys being bros. Camilla/Gideon. Gideon touches a boob! A very happy new year to awkward butch lesbians everywhere. Rated T.

Pyrrha Dve Appreciation. Pyrrha & Nona, soft hugs! Rated G.

Stealing Breath. Camilla/Gideon butch-off make-out session. Rated G.

To Shreds, You Say? Pyrrha/Mercymorn/Wake fucking nasty. Rated E.

FIC FILLS

a buried and a burning flame. Coronabeth fucks Gideon's corpse. Rated E.

For all intents and purposes the corpse of the Ninth’s cavalier is a bad lay. That’s all fine, though.

a grave, deep and narrow. Camilla/Palamedes, GtN AU, Character Death, Tape Recorder Conversation Redux. Podfic included! Rated T

Only Lyctors were meant to leave the First House alive. Ianthe insists on bringing Coronabeth; Judith dies of her injuries. Camilla is stranded alone at Canaan House — alone, except for the persistent hallucinations of her necromancer.

affix. Coronabeth/Harrow, humiliation kink, improper use of bones, dom!Harrow, GtN era. rated E.

Cytherea doesn't go to Canaan House AU - Corona overconfidently approaches Harrow in the hopes of exchanging lab keys. Harrow humbles her quickly.

AITA for telling my dad I didn't like my birthday party? Gideon & John, In-Universe Social Media, Character study, Rated T.

I (20F) told my dad (45?M) that I wanted a cool birthday party, but he threw me a terrible birthday party instead. Am I really the asshole for telling him I didn't like it?

and kings shall come out of thy loins. Gideon/Ianthe, crack treated seriously, body horor, SNAKES. Rated M.

Ianthe saves God from the stoma and the River and all she has to show for it are these fucking snubes.

come, dearest heart. Lyctor Palamedes AU, HtN era. Camilla/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Camilla/Palamedes. Rated E.

In Canaan House, Palamedes Sextus unwillingly ascends to Lyctorhood to put an end to Cytherea the First's rampage. He's left heartbroken, grieving, and terribly, terribly lonely.

Don't Care If You Think I'm Dumb (I Don't Care At All). Gideon/Ianthe, Gideon as Kiriona, Unwholesome Tower Princes Bonding ft. bad sex and retail therapy. Rated E.

The newly christened Kiriona Gaia is not having a good time on the Mithraeum. At least she has Ianthe there to make her worse.

Follow Your Dreams, Never Let Them Die. Gideon/Harrow, Pokemon trainers AU! Rated T.

On her Pokemon Journey, Gideon Nav approaches the mysterious Drearburh City Gym - but something feels oddly familiar.

Gaia's Natural Market. modern AU, retail hell, Harrow/Gideon, Harrow/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe. Rated T

RING-A-DING-DING, the Holiday's are here! And nothing says "Give!" like the bounty of the Mother Herself, so come on by to GAIA's Natural Market! Treat your family to a home-cooked meal with only the PUREST of ingredients - all Produce Organic, all Products non-GMO, and all Smiles Authentic and free of Toxins!

Good Girl. Coronabeth/Ianthe, puppyplay, muzzles, rated E.

Coronabeth is Ianthe's big dicked bimbo puppy. Ianthe's into it.

Goodnight, New Rho. Camilla & Nona. Domestic Fluff, Missing Scene. Rated G.

Nona gets a bedtime story. Camilla reminisces about growing up with an older sister. They both sleep well, despite a notable lack of dogs.

In the Empire of the Deeps. Gideon/Nona/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe, Pirate AU, monsterfucking-adjacent, Nona is an eldritch sea creature. Rated E.

A chance encounter on the beach. Ianthe is manipulative, Kiriona is sad, and Nona is not as innocent as she seems. Sometimes, you might yearn for one person and meet another one. Sometimes, you have to take what you can get.

just like normal. Ianthe/Coronabeth, Cytherea is also there. Penis in vagina sex, Exhibitionism, Squirting. Rated E.

Ianthe gives herself a cock, and Corona is increasingly bewildered that she hasn’t been allowed to sit on it yet.

language of its own. Camilla/Palamedes. Worldbuilding, idiots to lovers, pre-canon. Rated T.

Camilla Hect has to do an erotic poetry final.

Masochism Tango. Porn with feelings, knifeplay, vivisection, lyctor-typical everything. Rated E.

Two occasions in which Pyrrha Dve had the pleasure of being under Cytherea's knife, and Mercymorn had the pleasure of Pyrrha Dve.

METHODS OF SUBDUCTION. Judith/Cornabeth, Judith & Varun. Planetary science rizz. Rated M.

Varun the Eater teaches Judith Deuteros how to flirt.

midnight mass. Mercymorn/Cristabel, pre-canon, Character Study. Rated T.

A lifetime before the resurrection and two decades before the apocalypse, a novice nun and a third-year medical student discuss goodness, passion, and salvation at midnight on Christmas morning.

motherhood. Mercymorn uses flesh magic on Wake. Hate sex ensues. Body horror, motherhood as violence, canon compliant. Rated E.

“I will kill you,” you say, with all the placid fervor of a religious convert. When you’re on the edge of real violence, you lose that tense little furrow in your brow—it’s beautiful, really. “Please give me a reason.”

My Love Overflows. Corona/Ianthe, Strap-on, Dirty talk, Impact Play, Hair Pulling, Bladder control. Rated E.

The one in which Corona pisses all over herself at Ianthe's whims.

name and rank. Judith/Coronabeth, Judith & Varun. Judith's failwoman swag! Rated T.

As Judith lies dying, she has nothing but time. Varun the Eater uses it to teach her how to flirt with the Princess. Don’t worry. Varun has got this!

New Rule. Mercymorn/Pyrrha, Ranch AU, stablehand Pyrrha, boss/employee relationship. Rated E.

Never hire stablehands who are too handsome and capable for their own good.

no shade in the shadow of the cross. Cytherea/Mercymorn, angst, fisting, two pillow princesses NOT making it work! Rated E.

Cytherea and Mercymorn have an ill-timed tryst.

per my last email. Camilla/Palamedes. Academia, banter. On peer review and multitasking. Rated M.

“Warden,” she said patiently, “you want me so badly it’s making you stupid."

RISKING OUR LIVES FOR UNIVERSITY HOLE???? 🤯😳 University AU, Team 69. The hole is a basement to be clear! Rated T.

The difficult part of visiting the local haunted house for a feature in the university magazine is not actually the visiting; it’s the writing about it afterwards.

So Messed Up. Ianthe/Coronabeth. Puppy play, collars & leashes, tail plug. Rated E.

Ianthe using her flesh magic to give Corona a big cock for petplay because she loves the idea of her sister being a big dicked bimbo puppy girl who just wants to rut into her.

The Great Gamete Gambit. Camilla & Palamedes, Pre-canon, worldbuilding, sixth house reproductive practices. Rated G.

Palamedes and Camilla have an important package to send, but there's been a heist in the gamete repository! Can the 15-year-old Master Warden and his cavalier crack the case?

The Sextus Scandal. Camilla/Palamedes, Epistolary, Pre-Canon Divergence. Rated E.

Transcripts and documents relating to the disciplinary hearing and subsequent resignation of Master Warden Palamedes Sextus.

Ways to Be Perfect. Babs/Colum Asht, GtN era, Rated M.

When Naberius first glanced across the supper table at Colum Asht, he didn’t immediately get the impression that he was liked.

The end!

Thank you for making it this far. If you enjoyed any of these works, or anything else in the collection, please drop a comment to make our creators feel appreciated <3

[post creators reveal exchange wrap post]

[kittyit]

This is a long and loaded ask so feel free to delete but it's completely earnest

I've been a radfem for about 3-4 years now (radfemhagen but I got termed) and honestly I still struggle w genuine dysphoria. All the reading, critical thinking, talking w detrans women is definitely eye opening and helped me but it hasn't healed me of my ~gender feels~ if you know what I mean. I remember trying to get tips from other blogs but all I remember was something about doing physical labor with other women or just being around other women but that isn't helping either, I'm so disgusted by my female body and how I'm seen (especially by men and especially as a lesbian) and it's just getting worse. I've been thinking about going on a low dose of T even but I know there's other options to coping, like there HAS to be SOMETHING. I can't just will it out anymore.

Help a gyn out

this and it's probably better saved for an essay but i felt moved to respond to you straight up. i'm going to explain three really important parts of my journey to a place where i almost never experience the intense and life-disrupting distress around my sex (diagnosed as dysphoria) except in times of extreme stress, and even then it's fleeting.

one essential thing i did was stop thinking of transition as an option for myself. this is something i see a lot of detrans/desisted women struggle with. i think this is a mental trap. "if i don't feel better in x amount of time or when i do x, i'll transition" removes the urgency and necessary nature of working through the distress around your sex. i've written in a few pieces about when my girlfriend max asked me to not do it 3 days before my first t shot, it genuinely felt like the last light in a dark harbor going out. i felt utterly hopeless. i felt like my last solution had been taken from me and i would never feel better.

i came to my decision to never pursue transitional medicine first through listening from my girlfriend and other detrans women. to take seriously the pain & trauma detrans women go through. to listen when they said this did not help me, this was not help, it did not fix these feelings of distress. to listen to detrans women is to understand that transitional medicine is an unethical practice being done by unethical practitioners. it's also to understand that this solution is not what it's presented as. taking these women's experiences and analysis seriously meant ruling it out as a coping mechanism for myself, ever. but there are so many reasons to make the decision not to participate in transition medicine - political & practical. not giving money to surgeons who traffic in literal female flesh. not wanting to risk all of the under-studied, ignored negative long-term health effects. not wanting to signal to the women around you that there is no way to survive as a woman like you without transitional medicine. defiance of new patriarchal expectations for women like you. defiance of the pressures that tell you that this is the thing that will make you feel better - like makeup, like labiaplasty, like breast implants, like an elective double mastectomy. defiance in general.

so the first thing was to stop thinking of transitioning as an option. i said no. the second thing was to stop thinking of my distress as dysphoria. to un-diagnose myself with this word that means i need to take T and get a mastectomy and undergo phalloplasty to have a chance of ever being happy. you mention disgust for your body, you mention disgust for how you're seen by men and as a lesbian. disgust for yourself on these points is anger at patriarchy, lesbian-hating society & men turned inward on yourself instead of the people who deserve it. it's an impulse of someone dealing with oppression to blame one's self for it and think there are things we can do to escape it. it's no different than a woman trapped in domestic violence obsessing over what she could have done differently to not set him off this time - the right dinner, place setting, clothing & tone. the idea that woman- and lesbian-hating can be escaped as easily as transitional medicine claims it can is simply not true. the experiece of a woman who passes as a man is another exerperience of womanhood, still under the bell jar of misogyny.

what helped me with these feelings of distress was pinpointing exactly where they came from and what they meant. i know this isn't helpful for everyone. but it's almost like going deeper and deeper on the feeling make it more and more clear what needed to be addressed. here's one spiral to the center: i want to chop off my tits → why? → i hate my breasts → why? → they feel ugly and disgusting → why? → i got them so young, they're so large and people stare → why does that bother you? → i feel so ugly and out of place → why does that bother you? → i feel so alone and worthless → how do you feel? → i feel lonely → what do you need? → i need connection.

"i want to chop off my tits" is not a coherent feeling - every human alive has complex reasons for the things they say, think and do. if you can get to the bottom of where these sensations and feelings and disturbances diangosed as dysphoria are coming from, you can figure out how to address them. what is the feeling at the bottom, what is going unaddressed? and quite honestly a lot of the time it's not an easy answer. sometimes the answers are super hard to grapple with. sometimes the need cannot be fulfilled or are very difficult to fulfill. but once you've decided that transition is not on the table, the quest to find those answers becomes a lot more essential.

this isn't something anyone is really meant to do alone. when i hear you say you hate being seen as a lesbian and how men treat you, i hear an inherent isolation in that. i could be wrong, i know a lot of people can still feel lonely when they have a strong support system, but i would say the majority of women do not have the kind of friend group and number of connections they need to be socially supported. so another big part of this is breaking out of isolation and being around other women who "get it" - whether virutally or in real life. humans are a pack animal and this is an isolating age.

so that's my three parter to your question

1. say no to transitional medicine

2. undiagnose yourself with dysphoria and instead figure out why you're feeling what you're feeling

3. seek out friendship, community, and ways of thought that can help you address those feelings

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. All but one of these are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching! Yes, even the ones I'm not loving! We need to encourage these Japanese studios to keep giving us access to their content. Changing up the order this week so as not to lead on a bum note (we can end on one, instead:)).

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yara ka

When we left off with Kazuyo’s confession last week, I said this: “Kazuyo is such a sweetheart that I really hope she'll stick around rooting for this pair once she inevitably gets let down gently.” And we got all that and more this week, because this show is my perfect angel that has never done anything wrong in its life. I love that Kazuyo is not only at peace with Sakae’s feelings for Soga, but very enthusiastically supportive of his pursuit. I love this friendship, and I love that we’re spending real time on Kazuyo’s feelings in the aftermath of this rejection. And we continue to see bits of the past relationships that have been weighing on Sakae and Soga. This show really cares about its characters and it shows. Sakae’s confession at the end of this episode was another great moment of grace and kindness and I’m looking forward to Soga’s response once he has a chance to process alongside some healthy jealousy as Sakae’s ex returns.

Perfect Propose

The first two episodes of this new jbl dropped today, and I loved it. Overworked young salaryman, Hiro, is falling apart. His childhood friend, Kai, finds him lying exhausted on the street and invites himself to move in to take care of him. Kai explicitly declared 1) that he is gay and 2) that he considers himself Hiro’s fiancé within the first five minutes, and helped Hiro get off so he could sleep properly in the first episode. This drama really said eat real food, have a nice orgasm, and get a good night’s sleep and you will be happy, and it seems to be building to some themes about the harm caused by the culture of overworking. I support this message!

Ossan's Love Returns

...where to even begin. This "honeymoon" episode was bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I went from crying to laughing hysterically to gasping to staring in mute horror at my screen to laughing to crying again. This show is so good at keeping these characters grounded in authentic emotion even as their behavior spins far out of the realm of how real people behave. It's a minor miracle that I can be gaping at Maki in disbelief and then bursting into tears two seconds later because of one perfectly executed line. I don't even want to talk about what specifically happened in this episode, I just want you to go watch it.

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK, BABY!!! I got my hot little hands on the first four episodes of this excellent second season and let me tell you, the joy I felt to see Yuki and Kasuga again! I love that we came back to find out the gals have been eating like queens and blowing the budget. Plus, there's a new baby lesbian in the building! This season is really delving into Yuki's exploration of her sexuality, and the show is handling it with the expected gentle grace. I am enjoying the journey and putting on my patient pants to settle in for a long wait before these two actually officially get together.

Chaser Game W

This was a rougher week for this show, in that the pacing felt very jerky as the story suddenly executed a rapid turn in the romance that did not really work. The backstory reveal was weak (very poorly motivated noble idiocy), Itsuki's casual decision to start caring for Fuyu's child at the expense of her own life and Fuyu's decision to let her was under-explored, the messages about the importance of these women's work was decidedly mixed, and the sudden love confessions straight to sex didn't get proper build up. Add Fuyu continuing to be a violent drunk who treats Itsuki like shit, and it's hard to root for this pair--I am not really invested in the romance. This show is clearly going somewhere with its commentary on gender roles as it relates to Fuyu's behavior, and I hope wherever it is will feel worth it.

Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun

This show ended this week, and I pretty much hated it, but I will always love Toki despite the mess this show made of his story. We have one more show coming from Drama Shower for the season, and I sincerely hope we can end on a good note with this project.

[unnaturalequilibrium]

Capítulo 14

- Mafin rewatch (Sueños de Libertad)

Claudia what the fuck are you doing? This is a whole level of stupid not even a sheltered background can be blamed for. I get why it happened, they wanted a baby out of wedlock storyline, but keeping within the story - this is just - I suddenly find myself questioning whether Claudia would know how to get through a closed door on her own accord. I do guess it does explain why we never see her in charge of the register. Girl is as bright as a rainy November night and as sharp as a plastic spoon.

Fina really not wanting to do the commercial thing. Being nervous around Marta and well, the whole idea. Her friends keep her there though. Marta not helping by being unable to let this bone lie, she instantly digs into Fina who is a stiff nervous wreck in front of the camera. Also look at Marta’s body language throughout this entire scene. Each time she's in front of Fina her arms are folded tightly across her chest in a gesture that probably is as much an attempt at intimidation as it is a subconscious protective self-hug. Looking at Fina, being around Fina, releases things she seems to want to be able to ward herself from. Unfortunately, that is not quite how physical attraction works. It’s usually very insistent and sharp enough to cut through anything you try to smother it in.

This is a Baroque painting if I ever saw one. The Suffering of Saint Bertha, patron of "no patience" and lesbians - elevated by stubborn cherubs. One of Caravaggio's lessern known works.

Marta watching Marcos with Fina like a hawk. Yeah, that thing inside her chest, you can see that it keeps picking up speed. Also, something tells me she has the ability to be spectacularly possessive under certain circumstances.

Marta’s reaction as Marcos kisses her. She doesn’t mind having her ego stroked for a bit, but that’s where the line is.

He’s a ballsy little twat though, telling Marta that he gets it, that her heart is already taken. She twirls her ring and says, “yes, my husband”. And he calls her out and says, “Fina.” With that he rocks her world entirely loose from its settings. She calls him crazy and tries to run away from him and what he says. First picking up a folder as a shield and then hiding behind the desk seeking cover. He goes on and mentions that he sees the way she looks at her, how Fina is a magnet pulling her in. He is very decent about it though, telling her that tastes are personal and should never be judged by others. I honestly love how many supportive people this world is populated with. Some right bastards too, but a lot of really supportive people. Marta however goes into a visible halt and catch fire loop and can’t even seem to come up with a response, being confronted like that, no matter what, will always make her short-circuit into a stuttering mess. Her silent face journey as he closes the door is a thing of beauty. It’s both comedic and telling. 

Yeah, the realisation that the little moustachioed fucker is right. I think her body had felt the pull, but it's probably not until this moment that there were words to express it with. I don't think she's quite ready to handle those words yet though. But now they are there, spoken out loud and tangible and made so terribly dangerous because of it.

Marta taking care of business and mediating peace between her brother and Luis. Ending up being her having to tell her dumbass brother to shut the fuck up and he does, but the damage is already done and Luis walks out the door and the company. Jesús is such an incredibly bad businessman. The fact that their company haven’t gone straight to hell already is a true testament to Marta’s business acumen. 

[adoribullpavus]

EXCITING NEWS GUYS

i have started development on my first ever renpy game. i'm so excited since this is something i've wanted to do for a while now, but renpy always kinda scared me. but i've finally put it into action and i'm really looking forward to the journey ahead.

the game is still in extremely early development, but i have planned an outline of the plot, written some scripts, and have come up with so many ideas i want to share with you all.

as you can see, it is a dai fan game. if anyone knows if i can get sued for this, please let me know lmao

i don't want to give too much away but here are some features i'm planning to include:

you can choose from 17 different characters to play as (12 will be available straight off the bat, and 5 will be secret routes that are unlocked via other routes). these are all characters from inquisition.

you get to decide who your character ends up with, or even stay single if you want to be.

you can end up in a polyamorous relationship with (almost) free reign as to which characters that relationship includes.

no two routes are the same. each route will have the same plot but you can make it your own through your choices. remember; just because picking option b worked for your dorian playthrough, doesn't mean it'll work when you're playing as cullen.

there are a LOT of choices that genuinely impact the direction of the story.

each character has a bunch of different endings and they're all carefully tailored to your decisions.

as the game is still in early development, with only a faint outline holding it together, plans can change. however, as far as i know, this is how many endings each character can have:

the dorian route has 8 endings and 7 secret endings.

the iron bull route has 11 endings and 6 secret endings.

the varric route has 10 endings and 6 secret endings.

the cullen route has 10 endings and 5 secret endings.

the sera route has 6 endings and 5 secret endings.

the leliana route has 11 endings and 7 secret endings.

the cole route as 3 endings and 4 secret endings.

the josephine route has 11 endings and 5 secret endings.

the blackwall route has 10 endings and 3 secret endings.

the cassandra route has 9 endings and 6 secret endings.

the solas route has 10 endings and 3 secret endings.

the vivienne route has 3 endings and no secret endings.

i have tried to provide as much freedom as possible when it comes to pairings, but there are a few exceptions:

dorian and sera are still gay/lesbian and can only be romanced by characters of the same gender - so naturally they will have less endings as their options are restricted.

cole doesn't have a lot of romantic endings as there were only one or two characters i felt comfortable writing him with (so far only dorian has a cole romance ending, and cole has three secret romantic endings). this could change in the future but definitely not for characters such as varric and solas who cole shares a very parental relationship with., or for vivienne due to the power difference between them that would make me extremely uncomfortable to write.

vivienne also doesn't have a lot of romantic endings but that's more to do with the fact i struggle to write her in romantic scenes. again, this could change.

the rest are all free to romance whoever they want. cullen can romance a man (or two or three). cassandra can romance a woman (or two or three). basically there's no such thing as straight in this game. go nuts.

i will keep you all updated as i progress. the game will take a long while to create and i would appreciate any advice/help/suggestions etc to make it enjoyable for everyone. i would also appreciate the support from you guys as i dive into my first game making experience.

but just remember i am a single 20 year old girl who's doing this in her free time. i don't have a huge team behind me so the game is going to take a lot of time and effort to become something playable.

follow the tag ' #the dai kissing game ' if you want to keep updated on the game's progress.

thank you guys!!

[thatgentlewife]

Hi! I'm an (adult!!) woman who has always identified as a lesbian but has recently realised it isn't right for me. However I really have no experience with... well, anything!! Do you happen to know what kinds of places I would be able to find support on my journey? Secular or traditional are welcome!

Hello! Thank you for opening up and sharing such a significant step in your journey. It’s clear that you’re seeking a life aligned with truth, love, and purpose, and that is such a beautiful thing. You are not alone in this, and there are so many resources and people who can walk alongside you. I’ll do my best to encourage you and point you to some helpful tools and communities for traditional living, faith, and relationships! (I will include Christian and secular resources 🤍)

Types of Christianity: Protestant, Catholic, and Orthodox

Each Christian tradition has unique practices and teachings, but all center on Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Here’s a quick overview and resources for exploring these branches of faith:

Protestant: This includes many denominations like Baptists, Methodists, and non-denominational churches. They emphasize a personal relationship with Jesus and studying the Bible directly.

• Resource: The book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis is a wonderful starting point.

• Website: GotQuestions.org provides clear answers to many theological questions.

Catholic: The Catholic Church places a strong emphasis on tradition, sacraments, and the leadership of the Pope.

• Resource: Scott Hahn’s Rome Sweet Home is a beautiful introduction to Catholicism.

• Website: Catholic Answers is a rich resource for understanding the Catholic faith.

Orthodox: Orthodox Christianity emphasizes liturgy, the Church Fathers, and deep spirituality.

• Resource: The Orthodox Way by Kallistos Ware is an excellent introduction.

• Website: Ancient Faith Ministries offers podcasts, articles, and books.

I encourage you to visit different churches and see where God is leading you! ❤️

Romantic Relationships (Christian Based)

Godly relationships reflect His love: they are selfless, patient, kind, and rooted in mutual respect. They encourage growth in faith and prioritize purity and honesty. Ephesians 5:25-33 beautifully describes how love in marriage mirrors Christ’s love for the Church.

From my personal experience, I also once identified as a lesbian and felt confused about love and relationships. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered my heart to God that He gently reshaped my understanding of love. Through prayer and seeking Him, He led me to my now husband. Our marriage is filled with joy and purpose because it’s centered on Christ. God is so faithful, and He will guide you too!

Traditional Living and Homemaking (Christian based)

Living a traditional lifestyle and embracing homemaking can be deeply fulfilling and aligned with God’s design. Here are some resources to guide you:

Books:

• The Life-Giving Home by Sally and Sarah Clarkson: A lovely guide to creating a Christ-centered home.

• The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace: A biblical perspective on being a godly wife.

Content Creators:

• This Lovely Little Farmhouse on Instagram: Practical tips for homemaking and traditional living.

• YouTube channels like Farmlife Outfitters and The Transformed Wife provide inspiration and encouragement.

Websites:

• Homemaking Ministries: Resources for Christian homemakers.

• Proverbs 31 Ministries: Encouragement for living a Christ-centered life.

Traditional Living and Homemaking (Secular)

Books:

• The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking: Focuses on creating a cozy, intentional home life.

• Atomic Habits by James Clear: Helps establish routines and habits that support a balanced lifestyle.

• The Modern Guide to Homemaking by Louise Perkins: A practical guide to homemaking for modern women.

YouTube Channels:

• Darling Desi: A focus on slow living, homemaking, and romanticizing daily routines.

• The Feminine Fancy: Offers content on elegance, femininity, and traditional values in modern contexts.

• Inspired by Nikki: Encourages traditional homemaking and creating a peaceful home

Podcasts:

• Simple Life Project: Discusses homemaking, sustainability, and creating a fulfilling life.

• A Farmish Kind of Life: Explores rural living, homemaking, and self-reliance.

Healthy Traditional Relationships

Books:

• Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray: A classic on understanding and improving relationships.

• Boundaries in Dating by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend: A Christian book with principles that are widely applicable.

• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman: Learn how to give and receive love effectively.

Articles and Blogs:

• The Gottman Institute (gottman.com): Science-based relationship advice and tools for building healthy partnerships.

• ModernMrsDarcy.com: A blog about relationships, homemaking, and personal growth.

YouTube Channels and Influencers:

• Feminine Not Feminist: Discusses relationships, femininity, and

Encouragement and Support

Know that this journey is not about perfection but about drawing closer to God daily. He sees your heart and loves you deeply. Surround yourself with others who will support your faith and values.

• Local Churches: Many offer women’s groups or Bible studies where you can find community and mentorship.

• Podcasts: Journeywomen and Set Apart Girl are wonderful for encouragement.

God has such a beautiful plan for your life, and He will walk with you every step of the way. If you’d like prayer or more guidance, I’m here for you! Wishing you the best in your traditional journey, regardless of your faith 🙏❤️

With love,

Thatgentlewife

[erikahenningsen]

5 cadina!

5. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

Out of everything that happens during his junior year, what Damian expected the least was becoming friends with Regina George.

A few weeks after spring fling, their English teacher told them to pair up for a project. Damian was feeling generous that day, so when it became clear that nobody wanted to work with Regina, he graciously volunteered.

What he learned—aside from the fact that The Old Man and the Sea is boring as hell—is that Regina is smart, and funny, and a much better companion at the mall than Janis.

And somewhere around the time Damian offered to reorganize Regina's closet in exchange for Regina writing their paper for them—she actually liked the book—they became friends.

They're seated on a bench outside after school, Regina helping Damian decide which Telfar bag he should ask for for his birthday, when Damian spots Cady and Aaron exit the building, hand in hand.

"Oh, there's Cady and Aaron," Damian says, about to raise his hand to wave.

Regina pulls his arm down. "Ugh. If I have to hear about how Aaron beat some new track record or helped his mom plant flowers right now I'll puke." She says plant flowers how Mr. Duvall says marijuana at their anti-drug assemblies—a little disgusted, a little bit in disbelief that anyone would do that.

"I thought you were over him," Damian says.

"Of course I'm over him," Regina says, waving a hand dismissively. "He's so boring, and he somehow always needs a haircut, even right after he gets one. I don't know what Cady sees in him."

Damian studies Regina more closely. She seems to be going for nonchalant, but there's an edge to her voice, and her eyes are a little sad, and then Damian realizes she's not looking at Aaron.

She's looking at Cady.

"Oh my god," Damian says, so many things clicking into place in his brain. Regina stopping Cady in the cafeteria on her first day and telling her she was pretty. Regina randomly going after Aaron as soon as she learned Cady liked him. Regina telling Cady she liked her in the bathroom at spring fling. "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

"Of Cady? Please," Regina scoffs.

"No, Regina," Damian says. "Of Aaron."

For a moment Regina looks confused. Her eyes widen comically, then start darting around the courtyard.

"What? No. That's crazy. Why would you think that? Absolutely not." Damian has never seen Regina look this flustered. Her face is actually red.

"Because you are obsessed with that girl. I can't believe I didn't see it sooner."

"Shut the fuck up," Regina says, but it has no bite to it. She drops her head into her hands.

"It's okay to have gay thoughts, Regina," Damian says, patting her back. "I actually think this world would be a more peaceful place if everyone had gay thoughts."

"Can we not do this right now?" Regina says tiredly. She lifts her head, and she actually looks a little frightened. "And please don't tell anyone."

"Of course I won't," Damian promises. "I know what that does to a person," he adds pointedly, and Regina has the good sense to look down at her hands remorsefully.

"I know," she says. "Thanks."

"Now, I can't say I've ever been attracted to the fairer sex but I am here to support you on your lesbian journey in any way I can," Damian says.

Regina whacks his arm. "I will kill you and make it look like an accident."

"What are you gonna do? Push me in front of a bus?"

"Of course not," Regina says. "That plan obviously has flaws—I mean, I didn't die. I'd get a sure thing."

Damian rolls his eyes. He knows she's just joking.

Or, he's pretty sure.

[moondal514]

🪳 for sv perhaps? 👀 and any other AUs u really like!

bug me for fic recs

Thanks for the ask <3. I’ll be honest, it is hard for me to know what counts as an au for SV given the nature of canon and Shen Yuan’s unreliable narration is such that practically anything can plausibly be canon 😂, but I did my best and I hope you enjoy these

🪳 Recommend a great AU!

Celestial Afterglow by elanor_pam/ @elanorpam

Shang Qinghua, also known as Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky, stared flatly at what had once been a field boasting near sect-level Feng Shui alignment, and the drowned, bloated remains of the Sun and Moon Dew Flower cuttings that had sprouted within it. Their plan was now quite literally a wash.

If only he could consult Cucumber Bro on how to save Cucumber Bro! But in the absence of Cucumber Bro, he could but rely on the one plot coupon the infamous Peerless Cucumber had ever applauded.

Canon-divergence au. Um…I’ll be honest idk how to describe this fic, it’s wildly ridiculous but in a way that’s incredibly fitting for the entire vibe of SV and it made me laugh so hard I literally cried

walk through walls into your heart by kitschlet

Fifteen years ago, definitely cishet man Shen Yuan transmigrated into Shen Qingqiu, the female villain of reverse harem novel Proud Immortal Demon Way, and never looked back. Now happily lesbian-married, Shen Qingqiu gets caught in a PIDW plot that makes her actually confront what she wants from her gender and her relationship.

Bingqiu genderbend au. Wherein a wifeplot forces Shen Yuan to contend with the trans implications of the fact that she loves being a woman and it’s a very fun time

demons don't write what they know by ataratah/ @ataratah

As a demoness, Liu Mingyan doesn’t have a lot of first-hand experience with romance. This wouldn’t be a problem if she weren’t in the process of composing a romantic epic for the ages. Luckily, local human gremlin Sha Hualing is here to help.

Purely for the sake of good writing, of course.

Human-demon role-reversal au. Lovely fic about Liu Mingyan’s journey to becoming a published writer (which of course features practice kissing with Sha Hualing, very necessary)

cover me with your green mantle by lavenderandrue/ @lavender-and-rue

There’s a legend about this place. Shen Yuan has heard it a hundred times, a thousand, in different permutations depending on the teller. In some versions, a demon lord with horns and fangs and glowing red eyes roams the wilds, stealing pretty young women from their beds for some nefarious purpose. In others, a powerful fae prince leads the Wild Hunt on moonless nights; those who hear the baying of their hounds may be tempted to join them, never to be seen again. Still others tell of a local man stolen by the fae many years ago for his famed beauty, who is still occasionally spotted leading lost souls out of the forest.

Whoever he is, Shen Yuan thinks he must be lonely.

Ballad of Tam Lin au. This fic is a great example of that lovely flavor of BinggeYuan where Shen Yuan is just so bamboozled by Bing-ge that he ignores all the concerning shit about him and sets about domesticating him and it works and is massively entertaining to read

In Blissful Rush Did Meet by Asymptotical

In a slightly different situation, Tianlang-jun would have been thrilled to play the part of the pregnant lover doted on by the stoic noble that knocked them up.

It's less fun while he thinks the doting might not happen.

TianXi fix-it via mpreg au. Wherein Tianlang-jun being the one to get pregnant instead of Su Xiyan prevents them from falling into the Old Palace Master’s trap

Primal Urges by stranglerfig

A mortal illness infects Cang Qiong Mountain Sect. Pandemonium ensues.

-

“We are cultivators,” Mu Qingfang pronounced gravely, “we are not ruled by our primal urges.”

“But shizun,” said one of his beta disciples, his voice nasally with wax plugs up his nose, cotton mask over his mouth. “Liu shibo has stolen the whole peak’s clean linens!”

Omegaverse au. Prob one of the few gen omegaverse au’s in existence 😂 but it’s so funny and so good

[hauntedlovewasteland]

The first time I came out was in 2009/2010, I was 11/12 and came out as a lesbian (I was born a female at birth) I knew from a young age I was attracted almost solely to women and not men and from a young age I knew I was different from my peers. I have always been someone that has been outspoken about myself and sure of who I am. I was also struggling with my gender identity for a long time. I was more boyish than the other girls I knew. On most of the major holidays and birthdays from age 5-9 i exclusively asked my parents to call me a boy name I had chosen. My mom had no problem with doing this, my dad on the other hand not so much. I remember that from between the ages of 10-16 I had at least 6 different conversations with my dad (mom died in 2007) about how I felt more like a boy, I didn’t like looking like a girl and I hated my birth name (my birth name was Candace Michelle) I didn’t feel like my name fit me. I didn’t feel comfortable in my body and I hated it. It wasn’t until the year 2014 that he finally accepted that I wasn’t just a tomboy, that I was transgender. I struggled with my mental health for many years, I struggled with suicidal ideation and more. It was January of 2015 the first time I went into the mental hospital because I was so close to ending my life that is what pushed my dad to somewhat accept me. We did research, found a therapist who was a gender identity therapist who would take me on as a client. We found an endocrinologist in my area that would accept someone under 18 to medically transition. I didn’t start my medical transition until 9/15/15, I was 17 and I was in my senior year of high school. It was one of the hardest bust most important year of my life. For first part of my transition and prior to it my dad was adamant about not legally changing my name for me. He said I would have to do it myself when I turned 18, but luckily my doctor who was helping my transition kept pestering my dad about how with my name still legally being a “girls name” the blood work I was getting done would be tested the way a woman’s would be and not the way a man’s would be and that was a no no, it wasn’t until January of 2016 my dad finally caved and helped me legally change my name to Isaac Michael. I think he did it in part of being annoyed by the doctor. I remember when we discussed changing my name legally I asked him if he wanted to choose my name, he had told me that it was my choice to choose my name that felt most me but he had asked me to make my middle name the male version of my birth name because had I been born biologically male that was more than likely going to be my middle name. So I did just that, I let him choose my middle name and luckily it went pretty well with the first name I chose. I was so grateful for this because this way I was going to be graduating as Isaac instead of Candace. Today I have been on Testosterone for 8 years and 9 months. I am so proud of myself and the journey I’ve been on. I am comfortable with my body for the most part and I’ve loved seeing how masculine I’ve become and being able to smile looking at myself and not hate what I see in the mirror. Here are some photos of my childhood, my teenage years before testosterone and than each year anniversary of being on testosterone

[bisexual-coala]

Hey. I’m the Lesbian- well bisexual who posted on @our-bisexual-experience about comp het and how I used to identify as lesbian but now identify as bisexual (still feels weird to say that) I was wondering if you had any tips for internalized biphobia?

I keep thinking I’m lesbian when I’m very clearly attracted to men but I already came out as lesbian. My old therapist even said I seemed happier as a lesbian than when I identified as bisexual so that also doesn’t help..

Sorry about the late response. I'll try!

You can absolutely identify as bisexual after identifying as lesbian. There are many who have gone through that journey like you. Your therapist probably said that reflecting your internalised biphobia.

Are you thinking that going from lesbian to bi is a "downgrade"? It's not true but people sure do love to pretend it's true. I don't blame you for internalizing the biphobia you see everywhere. It's not a "downgrade". You are still queer enough, you still love women in the same capacity as you used to. You just realised that you are attracted to more than one gender. That's it. You don't have to date all genders to prove your bisexuality.

When I came out as bisexual after identifying as lesbian, I had to work hard to get over my internalized biphobia too. I lurked in bisexual spaces online. And I interacted with bisexual media/books and accounts. They helped me. Look into bisexual community online!

Again, you are not going to be any less queer now that you are bisexual. You are queer enough and there is nothing you have to do to prove it.

To let go of your attachment to the lesbian label and embrace your bi identity, maybe you could surround yourself with bi colors for starters? Like a wallpaper on your devices. Get yourself bi merch maybe. And look into bisexual rep. This has some recs of books with bi main characters where they used to identify as lesbian/gay before they realised they were actually bi.

You'll find a lovely community with bisexuals too. There is so much pride you can find in bisexuality too. I hope you'll be able to. I hope I was of some help. I wish you all the best!

PS: don't let any biphobic microaggressions by your queer friends (too) slide by. I know that people act weird when you come out as bisexual after identifying as lesbian.

[diezmil10000]

2023 art summary + thoughts on my own art progress under the cut!!

(template by HedgeCatDragonix on deviantart)

so i've been doing this for 10 years :P

i'm not posting these pics in high quality, they're somewhere on the internet if you want to scavange for a bit. i didn't start taking art seriously until late 2015 and i honestly don't like looking back at old drawings. i still like my 2022 art summary but it wasn't until this year that i'm proud of all my finished artworks.

my art journey is complicated. i'm not one of those artists who can say they've been drawing for all their lifes. i used to trace pokémon in my school agendas but that was it. around 2013, a couple of friends invited me to their Skype server where we used to draw each other's ocs and make art memes and stuff - it was fun and cringe in the most positive way i can say it :] i didn't know shit about art and i took pride in drawing on MS Paint with a mouse just because it was hard.

(all of my drawings until may 2018 were made with a mouse)

when i was 15 yo i got into Love Live! and i decided to get better at art because i didn't want lesbian fanart to be made only by creepy cishet men. at some point i watched this video from Sycra and it rewired my brain. i understood that i needed to actually practise and understand what i was doing, and that i wasn't going to improve just by observing. its follow-up video also helped me a lot, i remember watching it on the day it was posted jskhfdjdfd.

and so fast forward until 2021 approx. i spent all of those years practising drawing in my traditional sketchbooks, so my improvement was steady. the only problem, and in retrospective i see it as a Big Problem, is that i was grinding mindlessly. by that i mean that i copied artists i liked and i drew again and again stuff i was bad at, but i didn't think too deeply about it or analysed my own art to look for faster ways to improve it. i also don't take feedback well so i didn't ask for it either, which further slowed down my progress.

on top of it, that just made me better at drawing, not at illustration. i firmly believe that a good drawing is hard to ruin but i could have made my illustrations way more interesting if i had started going wild with colors and effects way earlier. i don't exactly regret my choices because at the end of the day it's just my hobby, and i've been praised for drawing a lot and for challenging myself to practise drawing traditionally, so i want this to be read as introspection rather than complaints!!

the reason why 2021 was a big change in my art is because in november i did this monstrosity:

i got an Android tablet to be able to draw in class and took the challenge alongside my friend Nico, who also did their own Huevember. hola si estás leyendo esto Nico, aunque lo dudo :) i can't say that any of the drawings made me better at anatomy, or composition, or colors. i can't say that they solidified my knowledge, either. but they planted a seed in my brain that would fully bloom in late 2022, which is the seed of hating the finished result of some pieces so much that i forced myself to improve.

everyone has their own motivation to get better at art and i've always thought that mine was a healthy one (i want to draw more lesbians, that's all). however, i've had a very solid 2023 and now i don't cringe at any of my pieces, plus i can notice any mistakes they have without wanting to delete them from existence - and i could only get there because at the end of 2022 i told myself i wouldn't make any more ugly illustrations. like, period. i didn't want to get anxious every time i had to look back on my own art.

i also learned that no ammount of compliments from others would magically make me like a piece i see as mid at best. of course, i appreciate every single nice comment i get (genuinely, i get very happy knowing that other people love my work), but gratitude doesn't fix a skill issue.

so, late 2022, many things happened. first i got cancelled on twitter over a drawing of my beloved mizuki from project sekai (this info will be relevant later). then i spent a whole month doing this other monstrosity that is to this day the best thing i've ever done. i haven't peaked it (yet):

this comic actually made me improve and solidify my skills. it wasn't a class assignment, or a collaboration, or anything more than a headcanon i shared with a friend - it was pure brainrot over Revue Starlight and it made me put all my cunt into it. this was also the point at which i started filling in blacks with the bucket tool instead of picking a very dark color, which is a big part of my current style :3

the thing about people cancelling me is that i had to distance myself from fandoms and eventually change accunts, which also affected how i perceived my own art. even if i draw for myself, at the end of the day i still draw characters that are loved by many people, so i disabled comments and stopped interacting with other artists of my fandom circles. that led me to go on hiatus at the start of 2023, knowing that it was time for a fresh start (my art accounts were 5 years old anyway).

that period of time made me think a lot about my finished pieces. since i wouldn't post them until i had a new account, i would stare at them for longer than ever or make small changes even if days had already passed. letting my mind rest from illustrations i had been working on and knowing i could change them whenever i wanted was a big step forward.

i realised that for the past years i had been in a hurry to post my drawings as soon as i was done with them instead of appreciating them. that was a turning point for my mindset. this was also past the time i decided to stop making ugly art, but i hadn't really taken any measures to get better. so i changed the wording of the challenge: i can make ugly art but i can't post it if i don't like it.

it doesn't sound epic, but for some reason it worked. every time i was in the middle of making a drawing that looked kind of ugly, i changed it until it looked right. not perfect, but good enough to avoid cringing in the future. some times i had to redraw it from scratch with a more interesting pose. some times i needed to add a background or a graphic element to make the characters pop. and somewhere on that period, i went wild with colors and effects, and a lot of times that saved a piece that would otherwise be boring.

i have to thank Revolutionary Girl Utena and Revue Starlight for making me experiment a lot during my hiatus. both pieces of media, one being the daugher of the other, give artists so many visual metaphors and interesting topics to work with. the revstar brainrot had been there since the junnana comic, but rgu was something i had been meaning to rewatch for a couple of years and it hit me like a fucking train. it also made me create one of the comics i'm the most proud about:

then i got into homestuck and my art got. well. stuck!! >D< but it was okay because i wasn't making ugly drawings anymore. i was putting into practise a lot of things i had been learning or experimenting with, especially regarding colors and character interactions. and the yuri was delicious hmmmmmmm.

the rest of 2023 was very linear in terms of art but not so much in terms of fandoms (?). which is fine, honestly, but i was also glad to get back into Fire Emblem: Three Houses in late that year because when i first got into it in 2019 i didn't have the skill to draw everything i wanted to draw. and i still haven't drawn all the yuri scenarios that i've been cooking in my mind, but i have until forever to do it!!

so for 2024 i want to study some stuff i feel i'm still lacking in. i think i've always had a good eye for composition, but i've never actually pushed it in my finished illustrations - they depend a lot on the poses because i've always been prioritising drawing over everything else. that needs to change this year.

i also want to get better at drawing characters from extreme angles. i've always felt like my poses are a bit flat and i think i can study photos taken with wide angle lenses to improve at that.

and of course i still want to draw faster, which is something i've always struggled with. i think i have a good rhythm of "producing" art (excuse me for the poor wording), but i'm still too slow for the kind of artstyle i want to achieve, which includes having a looser lineart and less details in irrelevant areas of the drawings. i think that overdoing the lineart actually hurts my illustrations, because everything ends up pulling the viewer's attention with the same energy. i also think messy artstyles are neat.

i promise i'm not crazy and i don't hate what i do. in fact, it's precisely because this year i managed to make some pieces with that kind of feel that i know where i want to aim. special mention to the junnana comic because i haven't been able to replicate that lineart ever since.

examples:

as for the stuff i like about my current artstyle, i definitely want to keep the way i color!! and by that i mean the method i have for applying filters that make my colors pop. i could maybe play more with textures too.

i also like the way i depict intimacy, and people have praised it too. thank you for noticing. it's the yearning that's doing it, not me. but i don't think i'll ever change the content (?) of my art, i eat breathe and speak in yuri. if anything, there are still some ways of conveying feelings that i haven't been able to draw because i lack the skill to do so, but i'll keep trying ;)

i honestly didn't expect this post to be this long. i've been writing for hours now and i'm not sure my thoughts are coherent for anyone that isn't me. i also can't grasp the idea that some people know me from fanart i did in 2016 while others started following me last month, time is wild and it's an extra dimension of complexity that i don't know how to account for when i write stuff like this.

but again, as i do with art, i've written this for myself. it's been nice to put my thoughts in order. i think i've only talked about art in depth with like 5 people and it's always been in casual conversation. no creo que estéis leyendo pero Nahia y Henar os amo y he aprendido mucho de vosotras.

thank you for reading until the end if you have. i hope you have not only a nice day but a nice year. let's meet again in the future.

[justanisabelakinnie]

Okay so I know I haven’t been posting in like forever about Isabela Madrigal or Encanto despite this blog originally being meant as an Isabela appreciation blog, my interest in Encanto has kinda died down for the time being due to no new stuff being made and me hyoerfixating in other things to my own detriment(so if you’re wondering why I haven’t updated my fics in a while, this is why), and I’m sincerely so sorry about that…but also a thought has been with me for a while and I have to say it now especially because it’s exactly on topic for a blog such as this and it’s something near and dear to me that makes me so happy.

The headcanon that Isabela is a lesbian makes me so proud and grateful to be a lesbian. In fact, it’s actually what originally helped me realize I was a lesbian myself. And I’m not saying this in a “thirsty” way mind you(although she is also my cartoon crush), but seeing so much of myself in her and seeing her as a lesbian and knowing that so many people in the Encanto fandom, lesbian or not, also see her in the same way, was a huge comfort to me. I didn’t have any idea of the true reason it meant so much to me to see a character like Isabela—portrayed as the most graceful flower, unambiguously and unapologetically feminine in her own way even after her transformation, as the most beautiful and also darkest-skinned of the Madrigals, and who has my same sassy but sweethearted personality and wears my favorite color—being viewed as a lesbian, but it was. And it’s a headcanon that I’ve always held near and dear to my heart ever since I first heard it.

And it was that headcanon that lead me to start educating myself about things like lesbophobia, compulsory heterosexuality, femme erasure, labels like butch/femme, and other things related to lesbians, as my respect for the lesbian community only grew and grew. And eventually I came to the epiphany that I was also a lesbian! Crazy, right? Well, if you’ve known me long enough then it’s not crazy at all lol. So, in conclusion, whenever I think of the headcanon that Isabela is a lesbian, especially a femme lesbian, it always makes me think of my own journey accepting my femme lesbian identity and how important and beautiful it is to me. Even if it’s just a headcanon, it makes me so happy to project that identity onto a character so similar to myself. It’s cute to imagine that I have something in common with my favorite character of all time even if it’s only in my head. It helps me feel seen and validated. So thank you, Isabela Madrigal! And to all of the other people out there who also hold and support this headcanon, thank you as well!

Anyway, that’s it, so have this cute little Isabela gif to top the whole thing off!

(obligatory disclaimer that this is only about my own personal experience and feelings towards the “Isabela is a lesbian” headcanon, it is NOT meant to be taken as gospel, nor to erase the inherently cultural message that the movie sends about generational trauma in Colombian families, it’s literally just me gushing, I KNOW very well that Isabela being a lesbian is NOT CANON by any means so please don’t try and come onto this post to derail and accuse me of being racist or only having the headcanon because she didn’t want to marry Mariano, which I don’t. if you do, then you will surely be blocked. this is my own personal anecdote and is to be taken as such, don’t read anything into this that isn’t there, thank you. 😉 ik that discourse is deader than ground beef now but i just wanted to say it just in case anyone gets any smart ideas.)

[lockandkeyhyena]

I have a few recs! Some of these are more biographical than theory based, but I tried to stick to works that have some larger commentary to be made on masculinity and trans masculinity in relation to Feminist theory. I will put the disclaimer that I too am only just dipping my toes into more analysis of trans masculinity from within Feminism and transfeminism, so I'm not well-versed in regards to if any of these authors are problematic or have any larger beef within academic circles (as academic circles are pretty notorious for conflict amongst each other). But I do know that these works were helpful to me on my own journey within this corner of the academic field as a genderfluid trans masc!

Becoming a Visible Man by Jamison Green

Self Made Men: Identity, Embodiment and Recognition Among Transsexual Men by Henry Rubin

Masculinities Without Men? by Bobby Noble

Sons of the Movement: FtMs Risking In-Coherence On a Post-Queer Cultural Landscape? by Bobby Noble

Men Doing Feminism edited by Tom Digby (particularly Tracing a Ghostly Memory in My Throat: Reflections on Ftm Feminist Voice and Agency by C. Jacob Hale)

Trans, Feminism: Or, Reading like a Depressed Transsexual by Cameron Awkward-Rich

Transfeminist Perspectives edited by Anne Enke (particularly Trans. Panic. Some Thoughts toward a Theory of Feminist Fundamentalism by Bobby Noble)

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg (this one is historical fiction, but it's just such an extremely influential work that has left its mark on discussion within lesbian and trans masc communities; if you haven't read it, read it, but do take care because it contains a lot of potentially triggering stuff)

I think it should also be noted as you're delving into the academic side of gender studies that many of the authors who have been influential to the field since the early days have published updated or edited versions of their works or otherwise given some sort of statement as to the flaws they recognize within their older works. For instance, Julia Serano has spoken in the past about how much of what she said about trans mascs and intersex folks in Whipping Girl came from a lack of understanding of their experiences and her position now has obviously changed since back when it was first published. That is to say, it's important to recognize when wading the academic waters of gender studies that authors are not flawless (particularly when speaking to experiences they have not lived through), language and discussion is constantly evolving, and most authors grow and change as we all reach for a better understanding of each other. Anyway, hopefully this is helpful!

this is SO helpful and exactly what i was looking for!! thank you so much anon!