#mans just wants to be left alone he dont give a fuck about anyone else

[bloodmoons-knife]

to sum up how i feel about dark sun,,,,

HES GAY A N D HOMOPHOBIC!

[pr1cesgirl2]

Older!bf price headcannons

•Olderbf! Price who has gained weight since he left the military and is insecure about it. But you on the other hand love to worship his chubby body, so when you’re laying together you always lay on his man-boobs and softly caress the rolls of his stomach. John always gets very flustered by these acts.

•Olderbf! Price who comes home late from his new job to a very pouty girlfriend, he chuckles at your state as he tries to cuddle up in bed with you, repeating sorry over and over again until you’re both fully cuddled in bed

•Olderbf! Price who admires you anytime you do anything, like when you’re cooking and washing dishes when the golden sun shines through the white curtains, illuminating your hair and face or when you’re asleep in bed and the moon light is shining on your sleeping face, or when you’re holding your child in your arms or breastfeeding them.

•Olderbf! Price who - any chance he gets will do something nice with you. Wether it be going on a date to a restaurant or, going to the movies or, simply just going on a walk in a field together, he would gladly do that.

•Olderbf! Price who will listen and give advice whenever you feel down. Wether it be, you being overwhelmed or, the kids are giving you a hard time or, if your job is burning you out.

•Olderbf! Price who wouldnt pick anyone else to be the mother of his children. The way you care and can always make them calm is admirable, the way on a night when hes worked a very long shift you would get up and calm the kids down doing whatever it takes and taking your time with it.

•Olderbf! Price who, whenever you’re alone will start becoming quite sexual around you, making you all flustered. His eyes roaming you as you wear your tiny pyjamas with an apron on that points out your ass and breasts while making him breakfast makes his hard-on grow. Him, getting up and walking over to you, you’re hips swaying from the sound on the radio before gasping at him groping your cheeks.

•Olderbf! Price who will grope your ass and tits whenever he can, even when your breasts are sensitive just after a feeding. He loves hearing you whimper that you’re sensitive. His head buried between them before taking your large, sensitive and pulsin nipple into his mouth, lapping at it and sucking at it while grabbing the other one.

•Olderbf! Price who loves big booty and big tittied bitches, so basically just you. So when you send him a photo hes always drawn to the ones of you squeezing your tits or showing your ass out of your new little dress you bought

•Olderbf! Price who will lick at your needy pussy for hours, just wanting you to squirt all over his face, occasionally leaving hickeys on your thighs. Then raising his head he goes back up to your plush lips as he kisses you softly, one hand on your neck, the other shoving two fingers in your pussy

•Olderbf! Price who always praises you, when you squirt atleast 3 times. “Good girl” “Thats it love” “Fuck, you love me touching your little pussy, hm?” “This pussy belongs to me”. But occasionally you’re hit with some degrading “Such a slut, wanting more hm?” “Dont make a noise, brat”

•Olderbf! Price who when he first shoves it in you, lets out a groan and leans down to your ear whispering, “i want to get you pregnant again, you being all round and swollen and wanting to get fucked even more is what i like. And you’re tits becoming all sensitive and swollen just how i like them” he would groan into your ear. But he stayed there listening to your soft moans of approval.

•Olderbf! Price who when he starts pounding into your lets out another groan, but of discomfort this time and he stops, you look up at him and then down at his leg and realise hes got a cramp, you chuckle and pull yourself out of him, laying him down on the bed till the cramp goes away

•Olderbf! Price who when the cramp goes away, gives you the best aftercare, he runs you a bath and helps you wash all the sweat off of you and your hair. And after he helps you into bed, you both being still naked he buries his head into your breasts, falling asleep

[theood]

I've been making so many adult phone calls recently and now Im playing will my doctor fill my t prescription, they haven't gotten back to me I've been off T since the day after my one month mark, they needed PA for my insurance to cover it, "we'll get back to you in one to two business days" it's been much longer, the pharmacy wont tell me when PA is required leaving me to wait longer, I still don't have a job, I have to call my doctor tomorrow to ask whats going on. If I get told anything with my insurance is fucky, that the PA didn't go through, I have to pay out of pocket I can't afford my T. I was so fucking happy to start it, I was over the moon I FELT happier, I was so excited to wake up every day, I haven't felt like that in so long and it all got torn from under me and I am trying to hard to stay positive and that it will all be okay because it HAS to be okay because I chose to live, because I chose to keep going, because I want to be alive, but all of this really takes it toll and I am just tired. I am so tired of being the adult. I've been playing adult for so long I want to step back and I cant and I have to keep going because that's just life and I just want one stable thing again

I want to be on T again. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. I chose to be happy why is that so hard too keep

[halarealmadridd]

your touch

pairing. jude bellingham x reader genre. angst to fluff warnings. fighting, cursing request. Hii i love ur work, can you write something about jude and you getting into a really really big argument, it's about him letting other fans/or girls kiss his cheek or something for a photo and him doing nothing about it, And so you two dont talk for 2-3 days, and you guys live in the same house, he didnt even try to apologise and he thinks hes right, But after a week or smth he noticed he missed your touch and other things so he apologized by writing a big big letter for when you wake up, since he has practice early in the morning and you still sleep author’s note. this request is so good! thank you sm lovely i hope you enjoy 🩵

you had no problem with jude giving out hugs, handshakes or something along the lines of those, but kissing is where you drew the line. you couldn’t stand someone else kissing your man, and him doing nothing about it. unfortunately, that was the reality you had to face today.

chilling in your bed, you scrolled through tiktok, until you found a video with a fan kissing jude’s cheek for a picture. the worst thing happened when you checked the comments. they were full of people saying that they shared the same experience, jude kissing their cheek. you were already fuming, but the attitude of those girls was your last straw.

storming out of the room, you were met with a confused boyfriend stating at you with adorable puppy eyes. they almost make you give in, but you refused.

“jude, what the fuck is this” you angrily exclaimed, while shoving the phone in his face to make sure he sees the video.

“that’s just what they asked for, no feelings involved” jude explained, gobbling down a tube of cookie dough ice cream.

“no feelings involved? do you think i give a fuck about that? you let astral stranger kiss you?” you roared, making him furrow his eyebrows.

“baby calm down, this is nothing serious”

“nothing serious? we have talked about this earlier, i said i don’t want anyone kissing you in any form” you shouted, tears brimming your eyes.

the audacity jude had to just laugh at you and continue eating the ice cream made you furious.

you rushed to the bedroom, covering yourself in blankets, curling into a ball, sobbing your heart out. you thought that when jude heard you cry, he would come looking for you, but no, he stayed there, sitting on the couch, eating the last piece of his ice cream.

you ended up crying yourself to sleep. the next morning you woke up to an empty cold bed. you figured jude was sleeping on the couch.

the next few days went over with neither of you speaking to each other, because apparently in jude’s mind, he was in the right. jude could be a silly person sometimes, but this was just a whole different level of silliness that he had never shown yet.

finally jude came back to his senses and decided to write a full A4 page letter, apologising for his actions. he also placed a bouquet of flowers and candies beside it, in hopes to cheer you up. eventually he left for training, leaving you in the house alone.

when you woke up, you made a bee-line towards the kitchen to make breakfast, but instead of thinking about breakfast, big letter caught your eye.

tears rolled down your face while reading the letter due to the sincerity of it. you wiped your tears and waited for jude to come home.

after a good wait, you heard the familiar sound of the door unlocking. you raced to the door, and jumped into jude’s arms. his face had a tint of confusion painted on it, but it later turned into a big grin.

“whoa, i missed you too” jude whispered into your hair, letting you down.

you placed a kiss onto jude’s lips, and guided him to the kitchen, where you had prepared some pancakes for him.

after gobbling down the pancakes, you and jude popped down onto the couch and started watching your favourite show. however, the show was long forgotten, as you guys ended up just cuddling each other to sleep.

[princessbrunette]

being sarah’s bff equals lots n lots of girlie nights !! so, of course, you’re comfortable enough to prance around tannyhill in short shorts n lil lacy camis after years of spending days n nights there !!

you’ve always thought of rafe as sarah’s mean big brother, nothing more n nothing less, so you tend to avoid him. he’s intimidating, yk !! besides, sarah’s warned you about staying away - “he ruins everything” she claims.

but rafe? rafe swears you know exactly what you’re doing when you’re roaming the halls in your shorts and cami that don’t leave a whole lot to his imagination, but then he gets you alone & realizes you really don’t have the slightest idea about what you’re doing :( so, he’s gotta teach you a lesson about wearing that shit around his house, right?

(also, please may i be 🐋 or 🍇 anon? pls n thank uu <3)

ᡣ𐭩 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

sarah’s fast asleep in her humid bedroom, and you were too — before the loud credit music to the 2000s girly rom com you were watching woke you up. you were disorientated, warm, sitting up and squinting in the dark with a dry throat. you figured everyone would be in bed right now, it would be fine if you snuck down the stairs in your little pink lace cami and shorts to fetch yourself a drink.

he must’ve heard you go down, because there’s no way it was a coincidence that rafe appeared in the doorway, watching you down a glass of water, elbows leaning casually against the counter as you chug it down, practically bent over. he eyed you unabashedly, strolling over to the fridge beside you checking out your ass before turning to pull out a beer, cracking it open.

“you should be asleep.” he drawls, deadpan. he was never the conversationalist.

you pull your lips away from the glass, panting a little — mouth wet and breathless, making his dick twitch. “i was asleep. just got thirsty.” you turn to him politely, clearly having no idea how slutty you looked when you reach your fingers up to wipe the water droplets off your bottom lip and chin. you miss a drip, and it trails down your neck and chest. his eyes follow it.

“hm.”

“why can’t i be awake? does the kitchen close at midnight?” you smile, and it’s friendly, lighthearted even but his jaw ticks none the less, turning his attention to you as he takes a sip of beer, afterwards setting it down on the counter.

“no, just not used to having people roam around my house so late. ‘specially uh, especially not dressed like that.” he nods down at your get up in disapproval and you frown, looking down at yourself.

“these are my pyjamas?”

“those are two scraps of fabric.” he retorts, turning back to the fridge to close it after having left it open.

“whats wrong with them?” you tilt your head, all innocent like a kicked puppy and he actually has no idea if it was all an act or if you were truly this naive. he was looking forward to finding out.

“whats wrong with— okay, first of all— i shouldn’t have to come into my kitchen and see my little sisters best friends ass cheeks fallin’ out of her shorts.”

“s’not just your kitchen.” you interject sulkily, looking down at your feet. he steps closer with an impatient squint, gesturing around.

“you see anyone else around? my dad? no. i’m the man of the house now, alright? you’re a guest here, so you should really be listening to me.”

you look up at him, eyes glassy and doe like. it pauses him in his tracks, giving you the chance to speak.

“why’re you so mean to me, rafe? i actually don’t mind you that much, even despite the things sarah says.” you pout. he licks his lips, looking away with a sigh as he composes himself.

“well you’re smart not to listen to that girl. she’s fucking… she’s sarah.” he rolls his eyes, bringing a hand to his forehead to rub at it like he did when he was frustrated. “and i dont dislike you, okay?” he enunciates each consonant. “if i didn’t like you i would let you do whatever the hell you want ‘cos i wouldn’t give a shit. alright? i want you to be better. do well. s’why i gotta…” he gently places hands on your hips, waiting for any objections or resistance before turning you around to face the counter after being met with none. “i gotta guide you, yeah? teach you a lesson.” with that, he presses a hand on your back, gently easing you down to bend over the counter.

“what are you doin’, rafe? sarah’s upstairs.”

“i really… really don’t care.”

ᡣ𐭩 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

[kentosbabes]

'Just let me look after you'

ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ Word count: 1.6k Warnings: its just pure smut Content: Talking to Eren about why you don't hook up with anyone anymore leads to something unexpected

You and Eren are sitting on his sofa with a film playing in the background as you are deep in conversation. 'why do you sleep with so many girls' You blurt out, the question making both your eyes widen. Eren was known for sleeping around, his bad boy demeanor and piercing green eyes practically screaming sex.

But to you, he was your best friend and roommate who was caring and kind. He always had a soft spot for you, making sure you were well cared for, buying you food and taking you shopping. He secretly loved how whenever you were upset or just feeling down you would come into his room asking to cuddle or just be in his company until you felt better.

'well why dont you sleep with guys?' he ask in retaliation. A plush pink now covering your cheeks at his question.

'oh there's a reason?' he pushes after seeing your expression 'come on pretty girl spill'.

You refuse to keep eye contact as you attempt a reply 'it's embarrassing ren'

Eren only lets out a chuckle at your shyness ' come on baby it cant be that bad. What are you a virgin?' he pushes even more, now teasing you a little.

'not quite'

'not quite?' he questions back his brows furrowed with confusion.

'I have been with guys but it's just not been what I thought' Eren nods signalling to continue 'I never finish' you finally blurt out. His lips are pulled into a cocky smirk but his eyes are soft and caring as he looks down at you.

'never?' he asks the redness on your cheeks spreading knowing you're about to expose yourself even more.

'I mean sometimes when you know I'm alone but never with anyone else. I always assumed I had some issue so I just stopped'.

He lets out another chuckle at your innocence, 'Love there's nothing wrong with you, it's probably because you've only fucked with boys what you need is someone who puts you first like a man.' he simply states and you don't know why but a sudden wave of confidence flows through you after seeing the hunger now filling his eyes clarifying he's thinking the same thing you are.

'and your a man huh?' you ask biting your lip 'is that what you are?'

'I mean they always come back' he shrugs as he leans in a little closer than usual. 'you want me to show you why?' he breathes out in your ear his left hand now cupping your right cheek, you can only nod in response. And a sudden feeling of a pleasurable pain begins to gather in between your legs. 'let me take care of you' he says before bringing your plump lips to his in a slow wet kiss filled with passion and anticipation. your hands are quick to run through his long brown hair pulling lightly at the roots as he bites and sucks softly on your bottom lip. Before you can even think his right hand now moves to your thigh a whine escaping your lips when he gives it a squeeze allowing him to explore your mouth fully. The tension and apprehension is new to you, when usually it's all rushed and over before you can even think to sit and enjoy it. Even for Eren who normally rushes into it takes his time with you, he wants you to feel everything.

The confidence still high in your system you push into him and moving so your straddling him. His hands now grabbing your ass as he moves down kissing your neck, biting and sucking on the sweet spot as you release sweet sounds. your hips instinctively move back and fourth against him, the bulge in his pants now growing as he lets out a groan in pleasure.

'You going to let me make you feel good baby?' his hand now finding the waistband of your shorts. the only coherent word leaving your lips being his name. 'fuckk your so wet baby' he moans out as he rubs his fingers against your clothed cunt. too caught up in the pleasure your dont even notice him moving your panties aside and gathering some of your wetness and then going back to circle your clit. While he continues his work on your neck, he carefully picks you up, your legs wrapped around his waist 'lets go to my room yeah' he breathes out. The thought of you being the first and only girl who he's going to fuck senseless on his own bed goes straight to his dick which gets even harder.

Once he's sat you down on his bed he's taking off his top exposing his toned chest and abs. Your eyes scanning all over his body in particular the defined v-line leading down to his dick which you now see is pressed hard against his joggers. When he's stripped down to his boxers he comes over helping you take off your top and shorts. the anticipation getting to much for you, pulling him down ontop of you and meeting his lips with yours. His fingers back down in between your legs

'I'm going to make you cum so much tonight baby, need to make up for lost time' he says before his fingers go deep into your seeping cunt.

'f-fuck ren' you let out as you squirm underneath him. his fingers curling in you hitting a spot in you never been touched before that has your head thrown back into the bed and your nails scratching up his back.

'you gunna cum for me princess' you nod in response not able to think about anything but the way he's making you feel. 'God your so good. look at me mama look at me when I make you cum' Eren says his other hand coming up behind your head his green eyes piercing into you. You hold onto his arm hard your nails dinning into his skin, and try to keep eye contact as his fingers hit that same spot and the coil in your stomach threatens to snap, and when it does what a sight, your legs shaking and head thrown back against the pillow. Eren slowly takes out his fingers watching you whimper at the sensitivity and then places them at his lips sucking on them 'You taste so good baby, I can't wait to put my head between those pretty thighs' Eren practically moans out, his fingers going to your mouth, you open up sucking his fingers his eyes rolling back at the sight of your fucked out state.

You reach out to his boxers but he catches you wrist saying 'later baby right now all I can think of is fucking that pretty pussy'.

'please ren I-I need you' you whine out as he begins taking off his boxers exposing his dick. 'Eren I dont think that will fit' you say sitting up on your elbows, your hand wrapping around it, your thumb rubbing circles around his leaking tip.

'fuck' he moans out throwing his head back. 'it'll fit baby dont you worry you pretty little head just lay back, Just let me look after you, I'll make you feel real good' you follow his instructions laying back down while his hands find your thighs again so he can spread you out even more. He stares at the sight of your plump lips and your wetness now covering your thighs,

'please' you beg and instantly his tip teases your entrance moving up and down through your slick before slowly entering you. you both moan out at the feeling, 'tis to big ren i-i cant'.

'nuh uh baby you can. it is so warm and tight, fuck.' his thrusts quicken as he watches how your cunt just sucks him in clenching as he praises you. 'oh god you feel so good fuck' he groans throwing your legs on top of his shoulder thrusting harder into you reaching spots that have your legs beginning to shake and loud moans coming out your puffy lips.

Soon enough the tightness in your stomach returns 'ren 'tis so good'

'I can feel you squeezing me love you gunna cum again for me?' he moans out his hand reaching to yours placing it on your stomach where you can feel him moving in and out of you. 'you feel how deep I am princess, so so good for me.' his words only making the coil tighter in your stomach and before you know it your cumming around him as he cums deep inside of you. His thrusts slow letting you both come down from your high.

He's quick to go into the bathroom bringing a wet towel to clean you up then coming to lay next to you. 'your beyond perfect you know that right mama' he says looking at you cuddled into his chest. When you look up at him batting your lashes and giving him the cutest smile he's seen he understands it all. He understands why he refused to bring girls to his place

so he wouldn't see you and lose all interest in the girl he was with

Why he would always think of you when being sucked off

because your lips are so soft

Why he wanted to spoil you

because he wanted to be the source of your happiness

He only ever wanted you and the look in your eyes clarifies your shared feelings. You bring his head back down to yours in a slow kiss and he knows he won't hold out long before he's hard again.

'round two?'

Masterlist

[aliorsboxostuff]

hi V3 I am so sorry i am BLOWING UP YOUR INBOX OMGGG but I totally forgot the character Id like is Hobie, I think cause I was talking about him I thought I said his name but i forgor ty bae ily 🤗🤗🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️

HOBIEEE gotta be my fav 2nd to Miguel, i’m working on a fanart of that cool mf too. He’s such an interesting character to write, i’m honestly pretty sad i only thought something so short for this HC’s T-T I hope you enjoy this though big man, Hobie is definitely the type to hang out with you when youre going through those rough times <3

"Anythin' you wanna be."

Tags: Hobie Brown & ftm!Reader, fluff, dysphoria, Headcanons, going through those tough times, Hobie being the Homie he is, Reader is implied a Spider-person, But also up to interpretation, Comfort and Fluff, no angst

Hobie Brown headcanons for anyone that’s going through those dysphoric episodes <3

first of all, let's get one thing straight here: Hobie FULLY SUPPORTS you being trans

He doesn't see you as anything fem aligned unless said otherwise

lets you crash in his universe, especially when you need it

he thrifts a lot of big and baggy jackets and sweaters, only to give them to you saying he "bought the wrong size"

There's definitely a couple of sweaters from his own wardrobe that you've stolen

you've definitely worn his jacket that he usually wears over his spidey suit, it makes you feel as cool as him

he made you your own jacket, with a trans pin and another with his Spidey logo

lets you borrow anything you want because he knows it makes you feel good 

the type to check in on you if you've been binding the whole day

When things get too much and you feel bad in your own skin, Hobie would spend time with you in his universe

he makes you a comfy fort blanket where you can stay and watch anything you please while he plucks the strings of his guitar on the floor

definitely, the type to get you anything you wanna eat when you've lost your appetite 

stays by your side, letting you lean on him when you seek comfort

If it gets too much as tears start to fall, he’ll hold you through it, brings you into his arms while you let all those feelings out

Rakes his fingers through your hair or just likes softly petting you if it helps you calm down 

completely understands if you need some alone time when dealing with dysphoria, making sure you have enough snacks and water before he leaves to hang somewhere else

he's the spokesperson whenever you wanna be left alone, making sure the others won't bother you too

Says "You're cooler than me mate, cooler than Miles too,"

says dumb shit like; "You are the manliest man to ever man," or "No one does a better job being a boy than you," Just to make you feel better

his side-eye game STRONG 💪dont look at you weird or he'll give them a bone-chilling, soul-crushing, ‘wish I was dead’ side eye

He and Pav is the type to make little trinkets for their friends tbh, he deff makes pins from bottle caps and gives them to you

His favorite spot to bring you when you feel down is near the top of any tall building, bringing snacks and a blanket. He says it makes him feel better knowing everyone is so small, and the world is huge, so in the end, nothing really matters and so be whatever the fuck you wanna be.

Requests are open! Reblogs are appreciated <3

[weebsinstash]

I have some more ideas, observations, and thoughts to drop before Hazbin is officially here tomorrow!

-Vox's blue fingertips are sharp metal claws and they make audible clinking noises when he touches certain things with them. It makes me curious about the composition of his body but... nice detail

-oh so you're telling me Vox can enter security cameras and warp around and also teleport short distances like he's Tracer, ok, ok, he definitely is primo stalker material, you could literally have this man warp to your location if he really really wanted to find you

-seeing Vox handle Valentino and know how to calm him down (which was kinda sexy ngl) gives me big BIG "Vox would want to keep you for himself but if you ever run away or threaten to leave him he'll threaten to bring Val into the mix to intimidate you into obedience" vibes. You're halfway down the block from like escaping out a window and suddenly your phone turns itself on and you hear Vox say "Valentino is still asleep. If i dont see you don't turn around in 5 seconds I'm gonna wake him up and he's going to be REAL hungover while I tell him you left" and you do a u-turn on the sidewalk right then and there because, Vox might take away privileges and confine you, but Val is the one who's more likely to get physically violent or at the very least yell and scream at you

-ughhhh I just really like the idea of Reader actually getting to be like his platonic friend or secret crush and you're running around as like either his own PA or even his co-host and, you're just a positive influence in his life, he likes you, spending time with you, like you guys hang out outside of work, and eventually having you hang around so much catches Val's eye. He sees Vox talk casually to you and suddenly is overwhelmed with curiosity on who tf you are and is maybe a little jealous his man seems more than comfortable around you

honestly just platonic/genuinely cares for you yandere Vox who hides you away from Valentino when our favorite moth starts being a creep. You tell Vox ONE TIME that Val cracked a joke about you throwing neck for him when your boss left the room and Vox is sure never to leave you alone with Val ever again

-I just see like in some noncon poly scenario where you get passed between them like a blunt that there would still be hard lines Vox hopefullyyy wouldn't let Val cross? Like you start hysterically crying one day, "do YOU think I'm ugly Vox?!" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "Val wants me to have cosmetic surgery! He gave me a list of all the work he wants to have done!" and you hand him like a literal actual list in very familiar pink handwriting and here's Vox, forcing a smile, "hm! Gonna be right back!" and he leaves the room and like in 10 seconds flat you hear them roaring at each other from the other side of the house and Vox zooms back, "hey, great news! You aren't having surgery" and it's never brought up again

-also as an end note. Reader who winds up having the same body type as one of Velvet's models and she snags you from Vox or Valentino one day to have you try on something and you become her like. Her new favorite little pincushion she likes to try new ideas on. You're just minding your own business and she's barging into the room with sudden inspiration and she's, doing her little finger waggle and changing your clothes without your consent, potentially making you half naked or explicitly dressed in front of your male companions or anyone else around

I'm just definitely looking to watching the show and seeing more of everyone in full ^^

[jacedified]

things i cant stop thinking about !!

most of this is going to imperium related so enjoy my brain turning mwah

also pls ignore my mid sentence rambling i have a serious problem

warnings: gore/mentions of death , violence , imperium , swearing :D , adult with internet access cant shut up

- yandere caller being a shade

(someone said this on a hc list and now im actively running with it)

- sams eyes being brown

(as a brown eye haver i know he misses them dearly and i wnna give him the worlds sweetest biggest longest hug)

- the idea of gavin “slicing” peoples threads for kody in imperium

(forcing my husband ((i need therapy im married to a fictional incubus)) to do such acts simply because you want to you sick freak ILL FUCKING KILL U- oh wait gavin already did xoxo kiss my ass from hell kody)

- the look on kodys face at the end of it all

(as previously stated i wanted that man dead.. i just wanna make sure hes actually gone yknow)

- what asher’s smile looked like when him and david were together (imperium)

(knowing that david was gone, hearing the random audience member asking for david to be alive and left alone in the first imperium video, knowing they were mates, knowing how heartbroken asher was after his death i just wanna see them happy maann ((it feels criminal to use emojis on tumblr)) 😭😭)

- if lasko calling freelancer “my dear” when you first met him in the haven was a sneak peek for his later ((is the word prime for like normal redacted universe characters i can’t remember, like prime lasko yada yada)) listeners name

- if no one was watching gavin WOULD HE HAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IMP!HUXLEY???

(the amount of shit talking hux did when freelancer and gavin first get to the haven had me ready to fight in an instant ((it mightve just been my overwhelming adoration for gavin but still)) like he was acting like an annoying jock who gets a job as security for some fuck ass rich university and thinks hes on top of the world like dont piss me off huxley or damien gets it in the other universe so help me god)

- is anyone else as attracted to the tension between vincent and asher in imperium as i am..

(i have no words for how “yippee kicking my feet happy smiley kiss now kiss now what if u kissed rn” i was when asher and vincent are talking but also i feel like pet ((is that vincents listeners name or vegas I CANT REMEMBER PLS)) was behind a door listening in and getting jealous bc “that should be me holding your hand..”

… excuse the outburst)

- vampire milo.. thats all

(GAWD hes so hot like he always is and always has been but jesus FUCKING christ theres something about him having been a vamp did something to me that i cant even explain)

- what was avior saying to lasko to make him irritated with him..

(i mean yeah hes a yapper but i feel like it was just “hey we need help down here” and lasko rolling his eyes and waiting two weeks before actually doing anything)

- WHERE TF IS ELLIOT WHERE TF IS SUNSHINE CAN I BEAT BLAKES ASS??

- what would have happened had milo not broken the ward

(again someone else mentioned this ((i would tag them but it was 6hrs ago and i was just scrolling and reading)) and now i cant stop thinking about it)

- what is avior hearing in his last video

(its been a while since ive actually listened to aviors playlist again but there was a voice or sounds he was hearing after getting out of the meridian and its just been on my mind)

- gavin having a myspace account

(he would love myspace i just know he would and i feel like he’d be an avid tumblr user but like its just him posting his favorite pics of himself from the week and updates on whatever small pet him and freelancer would very obviously inevitably get bc he saw it in a pet store or on the street and couldnt resist)

- what happens when freelancer gets old..

(freelancer is just that.. a freelancer. they arent a vamp, or a demon, or even some secret third thing.. what happens to them and gav when they get old. have they had that talk yet? i shouldnt think about this bc it makes me spiral into a bucket of tears and sadness bc its the same thing with sam and darlin’ like we wont know what theyll do when their partners get old and they are still young and immortal.. sigh 😔)

- can i cut the meridian open with a knife if i tried?

(how thin is the meridian? how easy is it to access? how long would it take me to literally stab it open? ((i have serious issues)) )

- imp!damien..

(yea i have a crush on him or whatever nothing crazy)

- is the person asher catches in imperium baabe or is it just random listener #18683 ?

(obviously my first thought when i listened to imperium like a year ago i thought baabe nd asher would be together ((i was delusional and on an asher high)) but then when it was revealed that he and david were mates in that universe did that mean baabe just doesnt exist or are they the person that gets caught by him or again some secret third thing)

- what happens to angel in the mess that is imperium, honestly what happens to all the shaw pack listeners

(obviously sweetheart is left out of this equation bc them and milo are still happily obsessed with each other in every universe BUT angel, baabe, and darlin where yall at??)

- WHERE ARE THE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPATHY DEMONS IN IMPERIUM UNIVERSE??

(this just popped into my mind but WHERE IS MY SON?? what have u done with my son WHERE IS MY SON??!!?)

- is anyone else as obsessed with just erik and his mind?

(that handsome blessing to my youtuber universe.. i could listen to him babble for hours and will do so bc it feeds my “listening to nerdy man babble on abt his fixations” quota)

- what imperium versions of characters do people prefer over their counterparts

(personally i prefer imp! huxley, damien, and vincent over their prime versions ((still dont know if im using the term prime in the right context)) idk what it is but well i know what it is for huxley and damien but we dont need to get into why i dont like hux and dames rn :D but for vincent i just like seeing a different version of him i think.. hes so confident with his decisions, and knows what he wants in imperium i just want that for regular vince too.. sigh)

uhh anyways.. i think thats enough thinking for now, going back to sleep

stay safe out there

[justallihere]

i'm going insane bc i was away for the weekend and left my phone alone (god bless) and came back to a whole chapter PLUS love declaration PLUS forehead kiss ?? omg.....

Mira is not letting Xaden rest like ever, I do wonder what Violet told her while Xaden was prepping her bath tho.

“Not if it bothers you, they can’t,” said Xaden. “I’ll make sure they keep it away from you.” 

oh he wants violet to be comfortable so baaaad he's the embodiment of "is the sun bothering you queen" and im so here for it.

i'm totally fine and sane over xaden washing violet's hair im not kicking my feet or anything and im definetely not crying over how soft they are and how much trust must violet have on him bc she's letting him touch her hair after it being threatned to be cut.

forehead touches are my faaaav so u can imagine how well fed i am after this chapter and for that i say thank you alli *dramatically bows*

Xaden not wanting her to feel like she wasnt love so he just declares himself to her had me weak, like it could've been this grand gesture but nothing between them has ever been planned or expected so he just winged it and it was perfectly what she needed. talk about soulmates !!

when u told us the declaration was gonna hurt i didnt have this imagined in my mind but im so glad it happened this way and not the way i thought it was gonna happen. it was so bittersweet !!

ALSO she def knows she loves him shes just not ready to admit it bc in no way in hell would she ask him to say after he declared himself if she didnt know she also felt something

also the way they first slept i know xaden neck was complaining

also violet reminded me of a cat who always try to get closer in their sleep. she just wants to cuddle !! and shes so real for that

Rhiannon is truly a bestie!! not her terrorrizing the love interest we love a ride or die bestie, even if sometimes she's unresonable

“You whisked her away before anyone could check on her.” 

bestie there was not one single part of her that wasnt broken what was the man supposed to do *cries* but i do understand her stress

SLOANE MAIRI !!! not her calling the king of tyrrendor her brother i love that for her !! she's a princess so true. also i looove xaden and liam's talk it wasnt too cheesy bc tbh they dont operate like that but it was so genuine !!

can the guards chill !!

Garrick is just like me!! i too love gossip and will put my hands on it as soon as i can. but garrick its been like 12 hours wait a little longer or violet herself will call u out again. but also not garrick begging xaden no rule to country and he's just like "no <3" love that for him his wife just got back running a country is very far from his mind.

“Is that what you told her to do?” Rhiannon raised an eyebrow. “Get over it?” “No, but you’re not her, are you?”

He's so ??!!

the development of violet a few chapters ago being like "he didnt hold me while we slept bc there had been no excuses for it in Aretia" to now being like "im gonna curl into your arms so hard you'll never escape" and honestly good for them !!

anywayyyy i LOVED this chapter

lol a lot happened this weekend, welcome back!!!

Xaden’s literal one and only concern is Violet and her comfort, fuck everything else. I’m totally not fine and sane about the hair washing so I guess we balance each other out 🫶🏻

They are very much soulmates!! Xaden didn’t plan to fall in love with her, of course he didn’t plan some grand declaration of it either, we’re just going with what feels right. Violet is a grumpy little kitten yes you’re right

Rhiannon is stressed as hell, like give her best friend back RIORSON where is she

Garrick needs both gossip and for Xaden to do his job and he’s getting neither of those things! Too bad so sad!

Thank you!!!! 🩷

[lesbiandanhowell]

Sam (begrudgingly) reacts to: Dan and Phil play Poppy Playtime CHAPTER 2!

I fucking hate horror games and I am have a high anxiety day so this is like awful timing BUT HERE GOES NOTHING.

- Not a fan of the runtime because I don't enjoy horror so the longer the worse for me personally so fuck this actually oops

- Babes I am literally shaking and almost crying 4 minutes in this will not be fun lmao (but also I know my anxiety won't go away without dan and phil content so might as well hope they will be funny and cute enough to make me calm down).

- I hate this I want to cry UPDATE: I literally started crying right after this, about 8 minutes into the game, but it got better afterwards.

- The touch when saying 'we have to be brave' was very personal to me. (Someone give me someone to watch this with and hold me please because I am scared)

- The buttplug jokes being the only thing to make me laugh, thank you Phil. Dan what do you MEAN "tails in" in reference to buttplugs, did you see the unhinged shit we said on tumblr, because oh god please no.

- "What are we going to do now?" "Cry" Phil gets me actually thank you I feel seen.

- The color game is actually calming my anxiety SO much it's hilarious, like it's just logic and following patterns and those things are so calming even when Dan is screaming.

- "For our lesbian audience that has mommy issues this is gonna be a weird episode" YOU DONT SAY DAN YOU DONT SAY

- new lore alert: Phil going to a wrestling party

- Phil lore: he was afraid of the KFC man as a kid

- PINOF MENTION AND CLIP AHAHA, they love doing these references since they uploaded the first react video.

- Dan hiding in his hoodie is adorable, like he just fully went "nope!" and hid haha.

- I think you can see Phil's hand shaking in the whack a mole, like the camera was SO shakey which was either his inability to use a mouse or he was shaking, place your bets.

- Dan playing the mini game after all, Phil is never beating the younger brother stereotype truly.

- When did they film all of these that their heating is still broken?! Makes me think they really did pre-film most of these to have a less stressful time now during december, which good job guys!

- Mommy's voice reminds me of someone else in a tv show but I can't figure out what? Anyone know?

- Their delighted faces at seeing jacksepticeye are adorable, like you could tell they were so happy truly and I love these little easter eggs!

- "Sean you down there?" HOWLING

- They edited so many clips and memes into this (which makes me think they edited it rather than an editor) haha

- Phil just, maybe unconsciously, moving impossibly closer to Dan is a big mood (only I am alone rip).

- Weirdly enough the mini games are the most calming part for me, like there is a clear focus and clear objective of what to do and it's like: here is a problem, solve it and I think that does wonders for me.

- Unsure if I am shaking from anxiety or being cold (also great I have more uni work to do after watching this)

- Yes please sanitize my boobs. What

- I agree Phil, we have gotten a lot of lore (about you)!

- Phil's panicked "geese!" gets me every time because it's so cute.

- "I feel kinda bad" aw ofc you do Phil and ofc you don't Dan, so very in character for both of them honestly.

- "Sometime in 2023, so not much longer" Phil, honey, there are like 20 days left what do you mean?!

This actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, after I had my little cry at the beginning. I was actually quite calm by the end and I think my anxiety actually is less, which I didn't think would happen. The magic of Dan and Phil, see you tomorrow!

[volivolition]

hello we return to ramble about music because music is one of our biggest hyperfixations ever. hai [Do let us know if you're ever tired of us sharing music though Shauaiakdjcjsjdfj]

Do you have a favourite song? A favourite band or musician? PLEASE do share if so, we're always looking for new music especially from friends!!

We have!!! song reccs for you :] Song for the Dead and Song for the Deaf, both by Queens of the Stone Age! Both songs are very red to us [we have synesthesia] and they remind us collectively of Phys Instrument and I!

-PT

HAI HELLO!! my music friends the furies!! (hjfkjh dont worry, i love hearing from you!! :D <33)

2. ooh, thank you PT, i was just listening to Song for the Dead on the subway the other day, it sounded so cool!! i assumed it was a Physique vibe, but so cool to hear who exactly :D im listening to Song for the Deaf now, just really good guitar for both of these songs, the words are sung more lyrical in this one :0 the ending is amusing, just silence and then laughing to the instrumental hdkjh <3 extremely red vibes, you're so right for this <3 thank you for sharing the PT and Fizzy songs :D <33

1. oh god i have to put this under a cut. tl;dr: my current favorite song is Too Sweet by Hozier because it reminds me of Voli and Chemi :]!!

hgkjh did you know my bio used to say "i can relate any hozier song to disco elysium"? the statement is hyperbole, but i love hozier so fuckin much heres just a bunch of nonsense:

"Too Sweet" is a volistry song. to me. ("I take my whiskey neat~" "My coffee black and my bed at three...") echem thinks voli's too uptight ("You keep telling me to live right / to go to bed before the daylight... / but then you wake up for the sunrise... / don't you just want to wake up... / lost in a haze?") and voli thinks echem is too hedonistic ("If you're drunk on life-" "Babe, I think it's great~" "But while in this world... / I aim low / I aim true and the ground's where I go / I work late where I'm free from the phone / And the job gets done / But you worry some, I know.") and in this way they're "too sweet (morally/indulgently)" for each other, but they fall in love around the "You know, you're bright as the morning, soft as the rain" "Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape" mark because they start to balance each other out so they're not overworking/refusing all joy and not giving in to every temptation/dangerously ignoring health and responsibility for dopamine and they're GOOD FOR EACH OTHER... im. not normal about them ever i could write essays about them :'] (also the bells in the chorus just hit different i love that shit man...)

i've been meaning to draw Echem with the song "Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene" just for the title alone lmao... but it's absolutely a bop and i enjoy it :]

"Jackie and Wilson" is TRULY LIKE. IS ANYONE SEEING THIS. "Cut clean from the dream at night / let my mind reset / Looking up from a cigarette and he's already left" "He'll know me crazy, soothe me daily, better yet, he wouldn't care / We'll steal his Lexus / be detectives / ride 'round picking up clues" IS ANYONE ELSE HEARING THIS THAT'S FUCKING HARRY AND KIM. HELLO??

my other alternate bio used to read "From Eden is such a de song. if you even care" i need everyone to listen to this and tell me its not a disco elysium song ogughgjkh!!! "Honey, you're familiar / Like my mirror years ago" "Innocence died screaming" "A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree" HOZIER MY MAN YOU DID IT BUDDY THAT'S THE GAME!!!

i can perfectly imagine which skill is singing which line to harry in "Almost (Sweet Music)" as he gets over dora and falls in love with kim. imagine them smoking on the balcony together while the skills swirl around them, invisible to kim but nudging harry and each other.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Let's get lost and let the good times roll! SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Success] - Let's smoke rings from this paper, doll~ SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - Blow sweet and thick 'til every thought of it don't mean a thing. PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] - I got some color back. EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He thinks so too... INLAND EMPIRE [Formidable: Success] - I laugh like me again... She laughs like you. RHETORIC [Legendary: Failure] - I wouldn't know where to start... PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] - Sweet music playing in the dark. VOLITION [Godly: Success] - *Be still*, my foolish heart- COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - Don't ruin this on me...

"First Time" is harry and dora ("the first time that you kissed me / i drank dry the river lethe" YOU MEAN THE GREEK RIVER THAT MAKES YOU FORGET EVERYTHING HOZIER???), "Eat Your Young" is truly a Disco Elysium vibe song of political ideology, do i even have to mention "Take Me to Church" for the idolization of Dora? and "Like Real People Do" [just straight up starts sobbing on the floor.] when the... the two people with similarly sad pasts learn to grow and heal together... we should just kiss like real people do... fucking hell man...

i also like!! AJR (current fave: Inertia [waltz time my adored]), The Oh Hellos (Hieroglyphs [the beat! the melody! the lyrics! singing together! ough my love... i miss choir]), The Altogether (See The Day [makes me cry. volition song i think]), American Authors (Luck [longtime favorite]), and Ricky Montgomery (currently it's Cabo but god this man's got bops. This December. Line Without a Hook. Get Used to It. Snow [<- desaturated blue song]. My Heart is Buried in Venice. okay thats it i promise hdkjh)

[moodr1ng]

i said it once in the tags of an old post but never in the post proper so heres my thoughts on the 'good' ending of disco elysium.. while i generally both enjoyed and admired the writing and messaging of disco elysium i think its 'good ending' fails, because its not good, but its framed as being good. harry is not a man who should be a cop. like, no one should be a cop, but if anyone is going to be a cop it should not be harry. hes at best a week sober, hes been going through an extreme mental health episode during which he put both himself and civilians in danger while completely disregarding his duties, and he has not become reliable or stable in one week. he should not be going back to work now. he probably should never go back to work - not just because of this particular incident but because he has also committed police brutality in the past and that does not paint a good picture of what hes going to do in the future.

if disco elysium wanted a 'good' ending, i think harry should have had the option to quit - i think the game is rather clear about the police being essentially amoral tools of the current power who exist only to defend the status quo, and i dont think a game that makes that so clear can also have a truly positive ending where thats just what the main character remains.

but also, im not sure disco elysium needed a 'good' ending. i mean, it feels good, in an immediate emotional way, to get a 'good' ending for this sort of story, so i get it. but to me, the ending we got is like.. kind of a tragedy, and i dont think that was on purpose?

harry is a man who should not be a cop, not for himself and certainly not for the well-being of anyone else, but he also has no other choice. he has no one outside of his few cop buddies. he has nothing else going on, and, more than that, what amount of kindness and tolerance hes shown by those few friends is dependent on him being a cop. for harry, being part of the police force is his last tenuous community tie, and the only reason anyone is giving a shit about him or willing to give him any benefit of the doubt. kim is only around, being patient and kind to him, because harry is a cop. this is the last thing that allows him any social worth anymore.

and i think the game reflected this in the character of 'the pigs', marianne leplante. shes someone who was abandoned by her loved ones, left without community support, dealing with significant mental health issues, who copes by believing shes a cop. but unlike harry, shes not. and we see what harry would be if he werent a cop: scared, confused, and deeply alone. shes like a mirror held up to harry. we could easily imagine him acting similarly erratic during his pre-canon breakdown. but shes not a cop - so she just gets subdued and taken back into her loneliness.

harry cant stop being a cop - not even if you make him the biggest commie imaginable in-game - because there is nothing else for him out here, not that he can fathom at least. and thats tragic. hes a deeply fucked up man stuck in a deeply fucked up role doomed to continue hurting himself and others through acting out this role - who also has no other choice he can see.

so like, if the game wanted a good ending, then yeah, i think we shouldve been able to have harry quit but still be given community support in the future. but i dont think the game had a realistic good ending in it, not right now. and ig i was just disappointed that it seemed like it wanted me to think it did, when it didnt.

[winderlylandchime]

3/3‘I pray for the day that i no longer hear violin music. Brian don’t give him your money, he isn’t worth it. Oh I don’t think he’s bullshiting him here about wanting him to be successful. We *points to brian and himself* arent trying to win anyone back! YES YOU DO WANT HIM! *ethan says that nazi line* OH FUCK YOU ETHAN..you know Brian actually makes sense here. Every person has survival instincts and we all in that moment when we have to decide, pick whatever keeps us alive. SO SHUSH! Oh Brian is right right! IF he was smart he would find a way, unfortunately he isn’t. If that was Brian he would do it only if it affected him alone, that’s where him and Ethan differ. Now Brian? He would find some loophole for sure. But he also wouldn’t hide for long, i mean he didn’t waste a second with that baldy. Or he would make one of his performances have gay orgy in the back…yeah. So i get what he’s saying, do your shit, get rich and make it to a point where nobody can pretend that you being gay is the reason why your career shouldn’t exist. That way YOU make the rules and you have the upper hand. I mean we had Ricky and George Michael and Lance and Elton and Rosie O’donnell and that guy from Prison Break and WE CANT FORGET ABOUT MY BOY ELLIOT! poor guy had to do it twice! (ELLIOT PAGE!!! I had no clue that that was his boy) BUT! The difference is! Ethan has *almost gags* Justin. If he was single go for it, do whatever. But forcing someone else into a closet for you? Fuck you. Thats not what Bri Bri meant, so him saying this noble line to the kazoo fucker is a little different in ways. Ya know? I mean my blondie almost died cause he was out. So that line makes sense for Brian and his life but Ethan? Nah, fuck him. But please do go on a tour somewhere far away and play music for people who want to hear it which btw *points to a paused brian and then himself* not us. NOW THAT is how you walk away from a dramatic park scene not whatever ethan was doing before’ He is now fully jamming out to Barbie Girl. ‘Second OD? Oh Ben is ODing for sure! AND HERES BEN! Foreshadowing!!’ ‘WE DONT WANT THAT FUCKER ELECTED! BRIAN WAKE UP! OH NO he’s going after Babylon. BRIAN THATS YOUR HOME’ He just groaned on top of his lungs at the sight of Ethan ‘Oh how the mighty have fallen. Justin i know someone who can afford expensive shit that you love without a problem. HE SIGNED THE DEAL DIDNT HE?! No matter what happens? OH HE IS A SLIMY LIL SHIT! (justin says why would anything happen?) Because I’ve been praying on your guys’ downfall since like 8 episodes ago. *pauses tv* see, justin. When brian had dumb shit to tell you, he would just tell you. He wouldnt give you some romantic shit to trick you and then drop the bomb. Just saying! HE SAID THE LINE! OH JUSTIN WE BOTH KNOW WHERE HE HEARD IT (he is smiling like a kid in a candy store) ARE THEY GONNA BREAK UP?! Adventure? Secret? No dude youre not asking him, youre literally shoving him into a closet.. Justin no, youre smarter than this! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WAS PLANNING! And im sure neither was Bri Bri’ ‘oh no this wannabe mayor fucker is going after Babylon. Oh Bri Bri won’t like that! (Mike sees Ben) OH MY GOD! dude. You are taking this a little to easy. So boring’ and now we are ending it on Britin again ‘JUSTIN IS BACK IN THE CLUB! Why is he wearing turtleneck sweater all of the sudden? Oh he is looking for his man Bri Bri! I CANT STAND VIOLIN MUSIC EITHER BRIAN! FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!(brian says the sacrifice career line)oh…oh this is a callback to Vermont isn’t it? Justin wanted him to basically forget about his job when he was almost fired over a trip. Brian is right tho. That’s not love. You can’t be with someone and make them sacrifice their life or dreams or whatever because sooner or later they will hate you for it. But damn it, i was hoping they would slowly become besties and then fuck…did you see how Brian watched him when he left but he was getting head? JUST ADMIT THAT YOU LOVE HIM!’ And now he is pissed off that he can’t watch more because he is fully convinced that they break up in 3x06

He no longer wants to hear violin music? OH MY GOD DOES HE HAVE A TREAT WAITING FOR HIM because Bri Bri feels exactly the same way.

HIS BOY IS ELLIOTT PAGE! THAT’S WHO ELLIOTT IS?!?! I AM IN LOVE.

His blondie almost died because he was out. Our guy and Daphne are on exactly the same page.

I never made the connection between the VT trip and Ethan’s contract. Interesting! I don’t disagree.

If Ethan had turned down the contract because HE didn’t want to be in the closet, that would have worked. But he was going to sacrifice his career for Justin and resent him and Justin would have felt guilty and let Ethan resent him.

I am so excited for your brother’s reaction to the break up… I’m almost giddy.

[aajjks]

tc jk i did tell you! and this is why i did what i did! you don’t remember me crying to you, begging you to be better or try to be? you always said you would then you never did! you don’t remember that but i bed you’d remember what time you needed to be at the meeting last week. you never would have been submissive to me. i could care less about you being submissive to anyone else but me. you’re to fucking hard headed to give me what i need and want. you wanted me but i wanted you to get me like a man would. court me but nooo you just had to fucking steal me and not even give me the love and attention i needed. it’s you who didn’t deserve my love. you never tried to earn it just demanded it. you can go kill him, leave me here alone with no one to watch me.. gives me more time to find someone with a tongue as long as his… he reached just where i needed him to. you’re gonna be sick? oh wait, wanna see the marks he left of me? here look!! lock me up here just like your dad did your mother? mhmhmh just like a jeon. i hope you never wanna see me again. because next time you leave as come back, i’ll be long gone. hahahah my punishment, god knows what that’s gonna be, may be starting but yours… is gonna be never ending.

“YOU ARE SO PETTY, just because I was at the meeting you decided to cheat on me? Okay next time you’re not here I’ll cheat on you. But no, even the thought of they makes me feel sick, I’m not like you. At least I’m not a fucking cheater, I did what I thought was right, it was cruel but it’s too late. And your father killed my mother, he was destined to die! Don’t worry you won’t have someone fuck you now, because I’ll be watching you, the only man you’ll see is ME. Aww baby you’re gonna miss his tongue inside you, aw that’s tragic. Maybe I’ll bring you his tongue as a souvenir after I cut it off! DONT. Yes I’m just like my dad… but you’re not like my mother, she wasn’t a cheater like you but my monster of a dad didn’t deserve her.. ha, I’d like to see you try leaving. Go on. I can be in the inferno forever.”

[livingsurreal]

I love this take! <3

I come to a rather similar conclusion about his character pre vamp but for me I feel he was more a "from rags to riches" person.

Someone who had nothing, came from nothing. Who saw powerful people in BG and saw them having everything. Doing whatever they want. Abusing their power.

And he wanted that. He wanted to be one of those people who had everything they wanted, he wanted to have the freedom and security of power. To have enough food and fine clothes and dance with the pretty people at balls.

He was ambitious and clawed his way to a position of power. He used his smarts, shrewdness and good looks to work his way up from an very early age. (And yes, I believe he used his looks long before Cazador came along.)

But instead of helping those who were in a similar situation he would only help himself once he had that power. B/c thats how the world is. He never saw someone in power help the helpless. They all only served themself. Heros only existed in children books.

Also, as someone who never had anything he became fearful of loosing what he worked so hard to win. A powerful man is always afraid of loosing said power.

How canon his slave selling backstory still is I am not sure. But he was certainly not a good selfless person. He was still the "pathetic little boy" who begged for food, deep inside. And he would do anything to keep this comfy new place.

Then along came Cazador, "saving" him. Tbh I still believe that Cazador orchestrated to attack on Astarion. There is a reason we can question him that is suspicions that Cazador was conveniently there when he was attacked. I certainly believe that Cazador had his own very twisted reasons to make Astarion his spawn, even if the slave seller backstory is no longer valid. He did have a very fucked up narcissistic parent relationship with Astarion. Don't slouch boy. You are nothing without me. Ungrateful child! A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts! You are a small, pathetic little boy. (Pretty sure Rooney spoke with either survivors of such parents or professionals who explained their behavior and manipulations)

But everything that happened after that just cemented that people in power are save, nothing can happen to them. They are use their power to do whatever they want.

He has a little forgotten tombstone. No one cared enough to take care of Astarions grave.

Has he parents? Are they still alive? Did they love him? Maybe.

Maybe he had wonderful loving parents. Maybe they died to young and left him alone in a cold cold world. Maybe they loved him dearly but were so busy surviving that they never had the time and strength to show him all the love they had.

But maybe not. Maybe they too were the kinds of people who showed no care to those less powerful then them (eg Astarion, since if he really have from the dregs there was never anyone else than their child who was less powerful then them)

We dont know.

Did he have true friends? I doubt it. I think he would never really have trusted anyone, even before Cazador turned him. Trusting just gets you hurt. Your trust will be used against you.

He had no one. Like you said, no one ever saw HIM.

A begging little child, invisible to those above him. Kicked when they felt like it.

A magistrate, but still, no one anybody cared about. Just some poor kid who ended up in the halls of power. I would believe that that was a stain on his record and a lot of "daddys boys and daughters" never let him forget that he came from nothing, is nothing. He had nothing and is now in an backstabbing environment that might give him food, pretty clothes but not friendship, companionship beyond surface level.

When he died they just buried him and forgot he ever existed.

He does not believe in good deeds, kindness, caring about others. He never saw anyone doing so. He believes people being kind, helping others, etc. as naive, stupid. Don't they know that the world does not work that way?

An at least somewhat good aligned Tav is the first example in his life of someone doing a good thing and not loosing everything for it. Of someone helping others just for the sake of it and still coming out on top. Someone who was kind to him and helped him and listened to him. Someone who would go to extreme lengths to help him, even trying to kill a very big and bad demon. Someone who respected his wishes and boundaries. Someone who sees his mask break and still sees someone worthwhile. Someone who sees the pathetic little boy with all his awkwardness and stuttering (maybe he did stutter as a child?) and still believes him deserving of at least their friendship, or in case of romance, even their love.

Will there always be a selfish streak in him? Surely. He had nothing, he was used and abused beyond measures. He will not go back to that. But do I also see incredible loyalty to those he sees as his friends (in his spawn ending)? Absolutely!

Astarion & his life before Cazador

After seeing a few different takes on it, my thoughts have been circling around Astarion's pre - vampiric life and what it must have been like to shape him into the person we know, behind the trauma and his attempts to hide the truth of his feelings and vulnerability inside him.

After days of musings, I've tried to gather my thoughts into a single analysis of a sort, both on his general mindset and his life as the person buried in the graveyard as Astarion Ancunin.

What can be said - disappointing as it is - is that in his life he most likely was what can be tactfully referred to as "an asshole". He held a magistrate's position, but most likely didn't give a damn about anything other than luxuries this position provided him with and the life of utter debauchery he was given on a silver plate. I don't think he's ever had to really fend for anything nor work towards anything, or deal with any kind of problems either on personal or any other level. What's worse - he probably had his part in some form of severe oppression of the common people, otherwise why would he get jumped and beaten to death (his attackers clearly aimed for his death, not just a lesson to be taught) in his own city.

(I would like to mark at that point that my further thoughts are not an excuse for him being a shitty person. If he was a dick indeed, that's on him)

Astarion is, fundamentally, as others have pointed out before me, a rather selfish person - or more specifically, self - absorbed to the point of selfishness. That's one of his core vices.

However.

He isn't an evil person either. He is capable of compassion and taking interest in other people. He is fiercely loyal to those he loves (that being Tav) and capable of consideration, pride and joy for those he considers friends. He is very slow to trust (understandably so) or accept kindness - but once he does, he remains true to the people who granted him those gifts. His confession scenes are the best proof of that - where his consience, still intact, is eating him up as he can't stomach leading on the only person he knows who treated him well.

And as much as he adores his own charms, beauty, pleasure, fine things, there is deep within him the yearning for something more than that. He isn't truly sated by all of those shallow things, nor is he pushed to any kind of growth within them. This yearning is something he is barely able to recognise and understand himself, let alone pursue it. But it's there.

Astarion's character and behavioral patterns must have been shaped before. The trauma from Cazador's enslavement broke him, scarred his psyche to unimaginable extent, exposed his worse qualities and drove him to become a shell of who he could have been, leaving him utterly out of touch with himself, burdened with indescribable guilt and self - loathing, stuck in desperate survival mindset. But his inner self was still shaped somewhere and somehow.

I've come to imagine that his pre-vampiric life wasn't really a happy one. It was undoubtedly rich, loud, unspoiled by any hardships, but fundamentally empty. Without any semblance of meaning, without any true kinship with anyone or any genuine emotional intimacy. Even if he lived like there was no tomorrow and nothing in the world mattered but his pleasure - deep down, maybe he knew he wasn't truly satisfied and that no amount of shameless, drunk debauchery would ever fullfill this emptiness. Perhaps he craved something more after all, something he hadn't been taught how to seek.

Now how could it have come to that?

He was most likely born in some wealthy local family (or one with considerable influence in the city) that held the position of the magistrate for generations, hence his lifestyle and being granted the title at such a young age for elven standards (he was 39 at the time of his presumed death; i personally would equal that to no more than 30 years by human standards, more like middle 20s even). He was obviously somebody's son - but I don't personally believe he ever experienced the healthy, genuine love a child should be provided, he strikes me as a type of person who never quite had a good, trusted role model to look up to, no one to call him out on his vices and lovingly steer him into growing into a possibly best version of himself. No one to check him on his selfish instincts and show him that there may be a more rewarding way of going through the world. That kind of thing usually happens through some sort of neglect and lack of sufficient care; my guess is that he never had an actual meaningful bond with his parents, was raised mostly by hired caretakers and overall in his childhood didn't experience the much needed selfless love & care from emotionally close people, the kind of love that subconsciously makes us believe that there is good and kindness in the world and that it's worth the effort on our part.

Whatever came in his elder years couldn't have been better, and it certainly didn't make him a better person. Some amount of power, money, countless pleasures, all of that he so adores but which doesn't ultimately fullfill him nor make him truly value and appreciate himself on a deeper level. And after his death - he was most likely mourned in some way, but not necessarily missed by anyone and was quickly forgotten. Perhaps his parents remembered - but they too eventually moved on.

What leads me to believe that?

The most interesting thing about Astarion's final love declaration to Tav is that he says he feels "seen" with them. It's one of the most beautiful things we people can offer each other - the feeling of being "seen" and safe in that sight, understood, felt, valued. That can only happen when the other person knows us well enough to be aware of all the ugly qualities we possess, but is just as aware of our capability for all the good ones, and so, in the greater picture sees the better version of ourselves (sometimes even better than we ourselves can picture) and that vision, when truly caring for the other person, we trust and want to live up to. By seeing ourselves the way our loved one sees us, we allow ourselves to grow and be better.

I don't think Astarion ever had that kind of person. I don't believe that he ever, in his pre - vampiric life, experienced a kind of love and trust needed for such a feeling - being "seen", and wanting to be seen as someone good, worthy, valued. Even more - I don't think he ever had any kind of true friend or companion. And that kind of emptiness deeply cripples a person, no matter who they are.

The tragic thing is - Tav may not be the first person to show Astarion kindness and care after years of torment from Cazador, they may be the first selflessly caring and kind person in his entire life. Even if he doesn't remember anything about his previous life, emotionally, he doesn't even seem to recognise the feeling of being cared for, considered, valued, appreciated for who he is, he doesn't instinctively recognise emotional closeness of any kind. Tav may be his first ever true companion, confidant, someone he comes to value and trust enough, that he eventually wants to be the same for them - and be better himself.

Tav may just be the first person to be a selfless and genuinely healthy influence for him, the first person to call him out on shitty behaviour and challenge him, but also to the first one to care. Ever. The first person Astarion comes to care about. The person through whom he learns to care and value more, both others and himself. And the person through whom he learns to love.

I don't believe he ever loved before, nor was he truly loved in the first place. Maybe he never tried, maybe he never dared, maybe he didn't know how to, maybe no one taught him. Tav was the best thing to happen to him in both of his lives.