#man what even is this sexuality bullshit I just wanna kiss women

[spineless-lobster]

The weird thing about my asexuality is that it’s kinda like watered down bisexuality in which everyone around me is so so so beautiful and I want to give them all the kisses but anything more and I will bite your hand off

[caashmoneynae]

MY MASTERLIST. <- click here for more!

❦

HELPFUL "ADVICE."

TUPAC SHAKUR x @thatone-girly 🤎

SUMMARY: in which Bianca's boyfriend no longer satisfies her in the bedroom, so she asks her friends for advice — including Tupac. ✨

❦

"𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗘, 𝗜'𝗠 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡' 𝗬𝗢𝗨, 𝗜𝗧'𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗔𝗦 𝗚𝗢𝗢𝗗 𝗔𝗦 𝗛𝗘 𝗠𝗔𝗞𝗘𝗦 𝗜𝗧 𝗦𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗗," Bianca sighed, shaking her head, as she placed some fries into her mouth, "when we fuck, i don't even cum no more. it's like he only focuses on himself when he's in there."

Bianca and her boyfriend of 2 years, Michael, were seen as "perfect" by bystanders. they rarely had problems or arguments, worked out their problems like adults, and always had each other's backs. others would say they were like Bonnie and Clyde without the criminal record, but Bianca couldn't hide how sexually unsatisfied she was with him.

when their relationship first started, Michael knew how to get her there. he knew all the right spots to thrust toward and all the right spots to kiss, but after their 2-year anniversary, which was 4 months ago, the way he made love to her changed. it was as if he stopped focusing on Bianca's climax and started focusing on his own, and Bianca noticed it the first night it happened.

each time she questioned him about how his love-making changed and how she wanted him to attend to her sexual needs, Michael got offended and assumed she was telling him that he didn't know how to fuck, and it turned into an argument each time Bianca brought it up, which caused her to stop talking about it since she knew he wasn't going to change his behavior.

the same day she stopped confronting him about his behavior was the same day she started denying him sex, and this caused a huge change in their relationship.

they barely spoke to each other anymore, and they didn't sleep in the same bedroom anymore either. all physical affection ceased and all the affection they experienced was calling each other pet names. they maneuvered through the house like they were roommates, and Bianca was starting to get sick of it.

how come she can't get her needs met as well? why is it that Michael can climax, but she can't? she doesn't deserve to cum like everybody else? none of it ever made sense to her.

"you talked to him about it?" Essence asked, looking up at her, as she bit down into her McChicken and Bianca nodded her head.

"i've tried, man. three times, at that. but he don't listen to me, Ess'. he just think i'm tryna' argue," Bianca explained, swallowing the fries in her mouth, as Essence looked up at her with furrowed brows and Bianca chuckled softly at her reaction, "yeah, exactly. like, nigga, i'm tryna' tell you how i wanna be fucked in the bedroom and you take that as me sayin' i wanna argue? no, bitch, i wanna cum!"

Essence nearly choked on her food as she burst out laughing, quickly covering her mouth to shield the food inside of it, "you a-ain't have the say it like th-that!"

"i'm so serious and you laughin'," Bianca pouted, poking her bottom lip out, as a small smile crept onto her face and she let out a small laugh, "real shit tho', i don't know what to do, Essie. i'm really thinkin' about leaving him."

"i say leave him. not bein' able to pleasure ya woman and then gettin' mad when she tries to tell you what she wants you to do to her in bed is some of the most insecure and selfish bullshit i done ever heard," Essence declared, swallowing the food in her mouth, as she balled up her McChicken paper and threw it inside her McDonalds bag, "in the meantime... i say you go for somebody who knows how to give women what they need."

Bianca looked up at Essence as she took a sip of her soda, noticing the mischievous smirk on her face while Bianca chuckled, "you want me to fuck Pac so bad, it's crazy."

"listen, if anybody knows how to fuck, it's him!" Essence defended, laughing, as Bianca laughed and playfully rolled her eyes.

Bianca and Tupac were like two peas in a bod, and they had been friends for 4 years, which is how long she and Essence had been friends since all three of them were a trio. Pac was actually the one who hooked up Bianca and Michael because Michael told him he liked Bianca but didn't know how to approach her.

in Bianca's eyes, Tupac was nothing but a close friend, but in Essence's eyes, she thought the two would be a good couple.

they were both attractive, had great compatibility, and were successful Black Americans, and that's the best kind of relationship a person — specifically a black person — could have.

despite this, Tupac and Bianca continued to deny the dating allegations and suggestions, but Essence wanted the two together so badly that she'd constantly hint at Bianca to date him instead of Michael.

"does he know about this tho'?" Essence asked, placing the rest of her fries in her mouth, as Bianca shook her head "no" and balled up her hamburger wrapper before tossing it in her McDonald's bag.

"how am i supposed to tell the man who hooked me up with my boyfriend that i'm unhappy 'cause he don't fuck me good?" Bianca asked, raising a brow, as she placed her empty fry carton into her McDonald's bag, "wouldn't that be an awkward-as-hell conversation to have with a guy friend?"

"B, that's what guy friends are for: to put you on game!" Essence laughed as Bianca laughed and placed her straw into her mouth, "look, i say you talk to him about it. if anybody knows pointers on how to get or give good sex to a muh'fucka', it's him."

Bianca chuckled and swallowed the soda in her mouth before pulling away from her straw, "you right. i'ma talk to him later on, i'm supposed to be going over to his house for dinner tonight anyway."

—

"Pac, that's not funny!" Bianca attempted to stifle her laughter but failed miserably as she and Tupac guffawed together while they sat on his couch with glasses of red wine in their hands.

"man, i'm just tellin' you how she said it! like, yo, i kid you not, she said "fUcK yOu, TuPaC!" and like her voice was so squeaky when she said the shi—" Tupac was cut off by Bianca laughing at the way he mocked and described the woman's statement and Tupac laughed with her before continuing, "like, shorty, i told you what it was when you met me! you ain't my girl and i ain't ya nigga — we just bumpin' and grindin', ya feel me?"

"you such a man-whore that it's crazy. what the hell you be doin' to these women that got 'em actin' like that?" Bianca laughed, raising a brow, as she took a sip of her wine and Tupac smirked widely while he raised his hands in defense.

"all i'ma say is it ain't no cap in my rap, girl. you better go hear what my lyrics be sayin' 'bout me," Tupac joked, smirking smugly, as Bianca laughed and shook her head, "hol' on, that reminded me of sum'. didn't you say on the phone that you had sum' to talk to me about, Bi'Bi?"

Bianca cracked a small smile at hearing him use the nickname he created for her a few days after they met and she swallowed the wine in her mouth before speaking, "ooh, yeah, i do. it's, uh... it's about me and Michael."

"wassup? y'all still together, right?" Tupac asked, raising a brow, as Bianca nodded her head and sat her wine glass on the coffee table.

"well, according to Essence, we not," Bianca joked as she and Pac chuckled in sync, "but, we been havin' problems lately, and they ain't the average couple problems you think they are."

"lay 'em on me. i'ma be ya therapist for tonight." Tupac assured, taking a sip of his wine, as he swallowed the red substance and placed his glass on the coffee table beside Bianca's while Bianca chuckled at his statement.

"to be honest, i'on know how to say it, so i'ma just blurt it out," Bianca chuckled, clearing her throat, "Michael doesn't know how to fuck me."

Tupac raised his brows, evidently caught off guard by the problem his friend was facing, "damn, i guess i gotta' be a sex therapist for tonight instead. you, uh... you talked to him about it?"

"whenever i try to talk to him about it, it just blows up into this big ass argument. my guess is that maybe he's insecure or somethin'... but still, that's not an excuse to not know how to please ya woman right! if anything, he should be grateful i even addressed it 'cause i know some women who just lay there and fake moan and fake cum 'cause they niggas can't fuck," Bianca exclaimed as Tupac laughed and shook his head, "like... i'on know, Amaru, i just don't get it."

"a'ight, i want you to be real honest wit' me right now, Bi'Bi," Tupac advised, picking up his glass of wine while he took a sip, "what'chu want him to do when y'all bein' intimate?"

"i—" Bianca paused, looking at her friend with a raised eyebrow in unsureness, as Tupac locked eyes with her and nodded his head, assuring her that it was okay to speak her mind, "i like rough romantic shit. like, yeah i want you to be rough with me and pull my hair, choke me, slap my ass, and beat this thang up, but at the same timeeee, i want you to slow-stroke me and praise me and give me lil' kisses here and there while... i'ma stop right there."

"i always knew yo' lil' ass was a freak," Tupac playfully smirked, an indescribable glint in his brown eyes, as Bianca chuckled and a small blush covered her light-skinned face, "did you tell him all'at?"

"he never gave me the chance to. you and Ess' the only ones i've told," Bianca admitted, picking up her glass, as she lightly swirled the wine and watched it coat the sides of the glass, "what you think i should do? 'cause i'm thinkin' about leavin' him and even Essence said i should... but i feel like as a man you'd have a better outlook on this situation."

"i agree with Ess', i feel like you should leave him. as a man, if you don't know how to please your woman and she's open to you about what she likes and what she wants you to do to her and you take it as disrespectful and start an argument over it, you a bitch. a real nigga gon' take care of his responsibilities like he 'posed to 'cause that's what real niggas do, you feel me?" Tupac answered as he ran his tongue over his lips and sat his glass down, "i say you find a nigga who knows what to do in the bedroom, y'know what i'm sayin'?"

Bianca parted her lips to speak but nothing came out of her mouth as she and Tupac stared at each other, neither of the two saying a word while the atmosphere suddenly changed and the air was now filled with thick tension that was extremely close to turning sexual. the red wine was slowly seeping into their systems and they began to feel the effects of it at the same time as Bianca let out a soft chuckle and took a sip of her wine, swallowing the alcohol before sitting her glass down.

"i, uh," Bianca paused, licking the corners of her mouth with the tip of her tongue, "i think i already found one."

noticing the look in her eyes, a small smirk pulled at Tupac's lips as he chuckled softly, "is that right?"

"oh, it's very right."

—

a loud moan fell from Bianca's lips and she held onto Tupac tightly as her brows furrowed and her eyes rolled back, his hips roughly gyrating into hers while one of his hands rested around her neck and the other gripped the sheets to give himself leverage. her nails gently dug into his back and she pulled him closer than before as moans and cries fell from her plump ajar and her legs wrapped around his waist, her body yearning for more while she continued to pull him as close as he could possibly get.

nobody would've ever predicted that what was happening would actually happen, not even Essence. the dating accusations and rumors were for shits and giggles, but the fact that they would most likely come to life would not only shock the public, but it shocked Bianca and Pac as well.

"f-fuck, baby, that feels s-so good!" Bianca squealed, feeling him roughly squeeze the sides of her neck, as soft kisses were littered onto her earlobe and she felt him lightly tug at the shell of her ear with his teeth, making her unexpectedly orgasm while her eyes rolled back into her head and her head fell back against the pillow on the bed.

"oh, you like that shit, huh? i found another sweet spot, didn't i, baby?" Tupac smugly taunted in her ear, kissing her earlobe after his statement, as Bianca whimpered in response and a strong blush in embarrassment and arousal coated her face, her fingertips running over the faint scratches and tattoos on Tupac's back.

when Pac said "another", he wasn't joking. he had easily elicited three orgasms — four including the one she had — from stimulating different parts of her body that he'd call her "sweet spots." her feet, inner thighs, neck, and earlobe were a few of those sweet spots, and she didn't have to tell him about them because he ended up finding them on his own without any redirection from her.

with how good his coitus was, there was no telling what other sweet spots he'd find, or what sweet spots he'd create.

"would you believe me if i said i been waitin' on this for a while?" Tupac admitted in her ear, his voice low and slightly raspy, as his strokes gradually slowed down and Bianca's breathing slightly hitched at the change in his pace, "because... baby, i been wantin' you for a while now. but with ya nigga in my way, i never got the chance to tell you how i really felt. and now that he slipped up... i can finally be real wit' you."

"i love you, Bi'Bi. and i'on mean that shit in the way i'm 'posed to be mean it. i'm in love with you, baby. i love everything about you. your smile, your laugh, your personality, your cooking, your voice, your soul... i love it all. anything you view as a "flaw" on you, i view it as one of the most beautiful things about you. in my eyes, you perfect, and from what i done seen, that nigga don't deserve you at all," Tupac preached, removing his hand from her neck, as he planted soft kisses on her face and continued to slowly rock his hips into hers, causing butterflies to fill Bianca's stomach because he actually listened to her when she told him what she liked, "you shoulda' been mine a long time ago. if them other niggas don't see yo' worth, i do, shorty. i see all'at and more. trust yo' gut and leave that lil' boy and come get with a real nigga, you feel me, boo?"

"i-i feel you, baby... i feel all of you," Bianca whimpered feebly, her low eyes locking with his, as Tupac planted a soft kiss on her lips and her arms wrapped around his neck, "i love you so m-much... i'll do whatever you want me to do, Pac... j-just don't stop fuckin' me..."

"leave him, B."

"it's d-done," Bianca quickly replied as her brows furrowed and her jaw slightly dropped, shaky exhales leaving her lips before she began speaking, "o-oh, fuck, you hittin' my spottt!"

"mmh, and i think i hit ya next nut by the way you clenchin' around me, gorgeous," Tupac smirked, kissing down her jaw and toward her neck, as he laid his body weight on hers and his hands gripped her thighs, his fingertips massaging them while goosebumps spread all over her body from his touch, "you look so fuckin' pretty when you take this dick, but you look prettier when you cum on it. gon' 'head and cum for me, baby. let me see how wet that pussy can get for me."

Bianca's jaw fully dropped and her lips sat agape as her eyes rolled back and her head leaned back against the pillow underneath her, her brows furrowing while she tightly gripped Tupac's shoulders. broken moans and prolonged whimpers fell from her parted lips and her eyes screwed shut as her nails dug into Tupac's shoulders, slightly breaking the skin and earning a low hiss from him due to the pleasurable pain. her thighs trembled against his palms and her arms went around his neck as her body seized in place and her eyes shot open before rolling back so far that her irises were no longer visible.

"oh, fuck, i'm c-cumming, baby!" her vocals were shrill and her voice slightly cracked once she announced her orgasm as her juices cascaded down Tupac's length and it coated her inner thighs, the trembling in her thighs increasing while she whimpered softly. she felt her juices create a puddle underneath her and she was sure Pac knew it was there too, his strokes gradually coming to a stop while he rested his forehead against hers.

"i love you, girl. i meant that." Tupac spoke softly, making Bianca lazily smile, as Bianca's eyes opened and they locked with his, seeing nothing but admiration inside of them while she rubbed the nape of his neck.

"I love you too, boy."

[bitchy-peachy]

A bunch of "activists" are trying to make us all in the lgbtqia community look like a bunch of sexless virgins. Even making ourselves "sexy' is seen as crime against humanity. This is one of the reasons why these extreme sjw movements are crashing.

Some edgy fucks are also playing their hand at being modern day segregationists regarding marriage/relationships and sexuality.

Yall morality policing is also going as far as seeing interracial dating as "cultural appropiation" or a "fetish". Yes, some of you ignorant pathetic tryhard fucks are also telling adults what ethnicity/race to date. {I'm apparently a kpop "hag" fetishiizing GROWN Asian men cos my husband is half Korean according to desperate white girls that want an oppa so bad. I don't even care much for the genre and my husband makes fun of these pathetic horny brats that keep trying to compare him to a celebrity he doesn't give a fuck about because HE HATES KPOP. I said what I said. Yall need to calm your cunts and stop being fake sjw nuisances to every Asian man you see holyshit.

A friend of mine got accused of "jungle fever" which is racist as fuck cos she married a black man)

oh and raising biracial children is seen as a crime by some fucks too. And I don't mean among just white people either.

Oh and heaven forbid if you like the opposite sex. You're evil for that even if you're not straight cos bisexuals/pansexuals ain't gay or "woke" enough. Bisexual men are either "gay men that hate themselves" and bisexual women are "straight women that wanna be special".

Also gotta love the stereotypes. Apparently my first spouse was hetero even though they were into drag and got paid pretty good at clubs as well as were bi and my second husband is "straight" even though he's bi as well. I don't fuck with straight men so much that I'm called "heterophobic" for it and i'm still bi despite the girl I almost married cheating on me with her fucking ex (another effing terrible life lesson cos WOMEN CAN BE AS BAD AS MEN. GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR ASS). I could have sworn off all women then but sexuality ain't that easy cos we're still attracted to the genders/sexes we're attracted to. That's why its called a damned "sexuality". Do you stop being gay or straight when you're not dating anyone? No? Starting to get it now?

Kiss my fucking ass with your bs "LOLgic" behind your shitty movements. Some of you are just as bad as cisgender xphobic ass people these days.

And I mean only some cos thankfully I've met plenty of people tired of your bullshit and they're not all cisgender, straight or young and moronic as you nuisances. Yall really went outta your way to make us look like morons demanding stupid shit that isn't covered by equal rights.

[ecrivainsolitaire]

Some of you people have never lived under oppressive Christian moralism and it shows.

Y'all really think the breastfeeding example was random? That it's obviously nonsexual? Why do you think conservatives object to it, then? You seriously think they're against babies having lunch or something stupid like that?

It's systemic sexual repression. Everything and anything that vaguely even hints at the idea of sex existing is considered perverse and shameful. Did you know that in old sitcoms married couples weren't allowed to be seen sleeping together? That they weren't allowed to show a pregnant woman because then parents would need to explain sex to their children? You think this is all paranoia about something that has never happened?

Observer consent is predicated on the assumption that the uncomfortable observer always has the moral high ground. And when that observer is a religious and sexual majority, and is made uncomfortable by, say, a trans woman existing, who do you think is going to jail about that? What about gay kisses? What about a man with nail polish, or a large cleavage, or god forbid, breastfeeding? If the cishet Christian decides those things are all fetishes, and the law is on their side, what do you think is going to happen to all queer people, and all nonchristian women, and all people with hungry babies? Who do you think gets to paint the line? The oppressed minority?

Do you think they're seriously gonna go "is this gay kiss being overtly sexual or is it just a tender expression of love" before throwing the cops at you?

You people live in a shelter of privilege and have never even bothered to learn our history, and it shows. You're out there spouting radfem talking points and Christian propaganda like you have nothing to fear, like you're Ben Shapiro getting cozy with his Nazi friends. You're all gonna be thrown in the gulags first. You don't know what it's like to be caught by the secret moral police and publicly punished for living your own life. I barely got the tail end of it and I still grew up in a place where you got a shaming ceremony and social ostracism if it became known you had sex out of wedlock. You wanna go back to that? Because this is how it starts. That's what you're advocating for. And that "think of the children" bullshit is those people's favourite defence. Your stupid ass ball gag argument isn't even old, it is currently being used to demonise trans people. It's literally the same shit as the public bathroom drama.

Pick up a goddamn history book and stop blabbering about siding with the Christians.

Ohhhhhhhmygodddddd not everything is sexual. Not everything is obscene. A grown man in a puppy mask might make you uncomfortable but is he having sex? No??? Then it's unusual but it's not sexual. Someone wearing a ball gag to the grocery store is strange and inconvenient and yeah kinda weird but it ALSO isn't sexual. A couple walking one another on a leash through the park is odd but NOT SEXUALLY OBSCENE.

Trust me I *fully* understand feeling uncomfortable by overt implications that sex exists, and not *wanting* to be aware of what people in my life are into, but the ABSOLUTE SECOND you start to regard uncomfortable but ultimately non-sexual things as sexually explicit, you open the door for all kinds of bullshit.

If breasts in any context are sexually explicit, PSAs on how to check for breast cancer are sexually explicit. Breastfeeding children is sexually explicit. Being topless cause it's fucking hot out and you wanna go for a swim is sexually explicit.

If dressing in drag is sexually explicit, then a guy wearing a tasteful skirt to work is sexual. Anyone sufficiently masculine-looking wearing feminine clothing is performing a sexual act. Existing outside the expectations of the gender binary is a sexual act.

If nudity in any context is sexual, anatomical diagrams in schoolbooks is exposing children to sexual content. Sex education is sexually explicit. Acknowledging trans people are real is sexual.

You don't GET IT. It doesn't matter if it's about not wanting to participate in kink. It doesn't matter if titties make you uncomfortable. It doesn't MATTER.

The MINUTE you open the door for people to censor things that ARE NOT SEX ACTS under the guise of it being "public indecency" or "harassment" or "exposure to children", you give power to people who can say, "oh, of course we have to get rid of this. Think of the children!"

This is why there are schools that teach abstinence-only sex ed. This is why a twelve year old cant wear a tank top to gym class or gets sent home cause her knees are visible. This is why Trans people are being fired and kicked out of bathrooms. This is why "weird obnoxious gays" are being bullied out of the Queer community. This is why people in the sex industry are compelled to remain secretive, and why laws aren't being passed to protect them having safe, private, consensual sex.

We've made it so that anything which can be linked to sex and sexuality, anything that IMPLIES the POSSIBILITY of sex and sexuality, regardless of whether or not it IS A PUBLIC SEX ACT, can be treated as a public sex act.

Do I believe overt, public sex acts should take place on the street in broad daylight? No. But I DO think we should be a bit more careful about what we define as "sexually explicit".

The wider you cast that net, the more it's gonna cover, you know?

[chappell-roans]

I fucking hate people so much. some people are afraid to come out, other just dont want to even if they feel safe and some people are straight but are gnc or explore their identity and these people are not fucking entitled to an explanation.

"evidence he is one of us" celebrities aren't just dolls you can project onto theyre real people and I cant begin to imagine how uncomfortable and violating is must be to have people write shit like this for millions of people to see. if you're actually queer and closeted its a damn nightmare but even if you aren't is so invasive. even if you come out as straight people still ship you with your friends and insist theres a secret conspiracy going on.

these aren't characters in a movie where you can whine about queerbaiting or queercoding and I dont understand how they as a queer person wouldn't understand how forcefully outing someone or speculating on their sexuality is inappropriate.

"use of our symbols" this isn't a cult Anna

for real. all of this. it’s all horrifying lmao. the gatekeeping is insane. isn't the goal that anyone should be allowed to do anything they want? shouldn't promoting/accepting nonbinary identities include people who use the pronouns they've used their whole lives? it's like, okay, on a policy level, yes, we have made HUGE strides globally and here in the united states, from abolishing sodomy laws and instituting protections rather than attacks and it's much safer to be an LGBT person in most places than it was 30 years ago. however, so many people have gotten so stupid and a lot of it is just terminally online bullshit but the policing of gender and sexuality and everyone having to have a label or else they're "appropriating" is insane. someone can be a straight cis man who considers himself all those things, but he dabbled in college, and found out it wasn't for him. is that appropriating culture? it just seems so suffocating. and i know a lot of this is because things online are communicated terribly and emotionally in black and white instead of the millions of shades of what the OG rainbow flag was supposed to represent (do we need a new flag for a new identity every week?). idk. we should be pushing toward the point where nobody has to come out or label themselves for other people's sake, not creating more divisiveness where there is literally no reason for it. someone said this to me on here the other day but i can't for the life of me remember who, but it really does remind me of what people get offended by now: are you bi but with a preference for men or women? what percent are you? like that's legit demeaning and offensive (if the person brings it up that's a little different but still stupid to try to quantify who you wanna fuck lol), but there are kids who have like 7 labels to describe how much/how little they wanna kiss people of xyz gender and it's like baby! you're a baby! you haven't even held a hand yet! you don't know! and it's OKAY not to know! i wish we could embrace the unknown instead of trying to label every bit of it. then when labels change, it feels earth-shattering, instead of it being a new exciting feeling to be attracted to somebody, or a new way to express yourself, or not do anything, or just doing whatever the hell you want without judging yourself or having others judge you.

[sleepingfancies]

This is the ice cold take I am SO tired of hearing and more than anything that's the true tragedy of everything that happened on the Loki show.

The fuck do you mean "actual" queer rep? Bisexual only counts as queer if you're not in a m/f relationship? If you're "straight passing" (which by itself is a fucked up, awful phrase you all need to stop using immediately imo) then you don't count as queer? Why are you referring to liking women as a "part" of bisexuality like you're building ikea furniture and not like bisexuality is whole and encompasses attraction to multiple genders of varying degrees. What's not okay about a bisexual person being attracted to someone of the opposite gender? So what if that's the consistent relationship they fall into? Does that make them less bisexual? No, it fucking doesn't.

Beyond anything else, it drives me absolutely nuts that this Loki finale business brought these kinds of Biphobia Lite takes out of the woodwork all across tumblr. It is so frustrating and upsetting to see y'all say shit like this and realize for all your positivity posts and inclusion PSAs and cutsey banners, y'all STILL think bisexuals are the "one foot in the door, one foot outside" confused cousins of the LGBT+ community, and not, you know, part of the founding acronym. And it's not like this is new. Y'all said the same shit But Opposite about Jesper hooking up with a man in Shadow and Bone; that it isn't "good" bisexual rep unless we see him flirt/hook up with a woman next. That people are going to just call him "gay" otherwise, and he isn't gay, so we need to see him Be Bisexual In Action!

Fucking stop. Actual, living, breathing bisexuals don't owe you proof of our sexuality. Personally, I'm sick of y'all acting like the characters who represent me need to submit a fucking certificate of bisexuality and testify in court just to count as bi rep, to say nothing of whether it's good rep or not. There is no such this as a bisexual person being or not being "queer enough." There is no set relationship or gender attraction equality that determines when bisexuality is "good" representation in media. And if you're not bi, you don't get to decide what is or isn't good bi rep on principle.

You're mad bc Loki didn't get with the person you wanted him to get with? Fine, grand, I don't really care. I'm not emotionally invested in ships. Haven't been since I was 16. You're mad bc his sexuality was an offhand-mentioned freebie in a 5 second clip? Fantastic, I'll be the first to agree that Disney is allergic to LGBT+ representation and they're doing the barest of the minimum (god even knows how hard the crew had to fight just to get that 5 second scene greenlit, btw). You're mad because you think Loki having a romantic subplot with Himself Adjacent is weird and gross? Epic, I think it's weird and gross too.

But to drag actual fucking bisexuality through the mud like this to make some stupid point about why your ship is better or why Loki's character was done a disservice etc etc and - knowingly or not - spout biphobic bullshit in the process? That is not only perpetuating harmful narratives WAY more than a fictional bi man kissing a woman ever will, but is an incredible, amazing, horrifically bold spit in the face to Kate Herron, the director of the show, who is a bisexual woman.

You wanna be mad about how the finale went, or how Loki was depicted in the show, be my guest. But keep bisexuality's name out of your mouth unless you know how to talk about it without insulting very real bisexual people, including the woman who gave you this show to begin with.

[p---ink]

Stark Contrasts: Chapter One

Author’s Note PLEASE READ: Hi, this is my very first published fan fiction, and I wrote it because its so rare to find Tony Smut. Everyone wants him as a dad, while I want him as a daddy. Please give this story a chance, and if there are any grammar errors let me know. I proofread the shit out of this, but there's always the chance that I missed something. When you write something it could make perfect sense to yourself, but 0 sense to the next person. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my story, I really enjoyed writing it! Also as aforementioned (hope I’m using that word right), this is my first story so go easy on me! I only have room to improve. PLEASE DON’T REPOST MY WORK!

Summary: AU where you're dating Tony Stark’s son, even though it’s Tony you really want. He isn't ironman in this one guys sorry.

Warnings: Smut, cheating, daddy kink, some other shit I already forgot about. :)

Song: The song I listened to while writing this was Kiss it Off Me by Cigarettes After Sex. 

Word Count: 7.4K 

Parts: one | two | three | four | five

Disclaimer: Gif is not mine.

You and Edward James Stark had been dating for a solid six months before you both declared your undying love for one another. Had you known he was lying through his teeth you would have never said those three words. Not even a month after that, you found him in bed with another girl. You see, he was a serial cheater who didn’t know how to keep his dick in his pants. You can’t say you didn’t see this coming though, you weren’t the best at picking them. 

Edward was not the first, and he would not be the last to break your heart. Blame it on your daddy issues, or maybe blame it on the shit-head men who insist on eating their cake and having it to. Of course he gave you every bullshit excuse in the book to keep you from leaving. “We were really drunk” is what he came up with when you first caught him cheating. “Those are my cousin's”, was what he said when you found a pair of panties that weren’t yours in his penthouse. Your favorite excuse though, was the one where he blamed your all-night study sessions on his latest fuck-up due to the lack of attention you were giving him. 

 You didn’t know why Edward was still with you, especially since he could have relatively any woman he wanted. Perhaps it was because you were great for his brand; you were a good girl, straight-A student who made everyone around you fall in love. You could charm the pants off of your professors and peers, and you were one of the nicest people anyone would ever meet. It didn’t hurt that you were easy on the eyes either. Above all however, was your modesty and selflessness. You always put others happiness above your own, which made you completely different to Edward’s arrogance and narcism. 

You and others often questioned how you even fell for him. You had a theory that he only dated you, because you were what the other guys wanted. 

Whatever the reason he chose to stay, could not matter any less than it did to you…because the reason you stayed, was because you were hopelessly in love with his dad. 

Tony Stark—girl, did God take his time with this one, was a more seasoned, mature version of his son. Don’t get me wrong because he was just as cocky, but in a more attractive way. And the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, because the billionaire playboy had just reached a divorce settlement due to his infidelity. In other words, he was just as much of a piece of shit as his son, the only difference was that he was trying to change. He was older than any of the men you had ever been with, but maybe, like him, you needed a change of pace. 

You met Tony seven months into your relationship with Edward. He had hoped if you saw how rich his family was, you would want to stick around. If he knew you were still with him because you wanted to fuck his dad he would have lost his shit. Yea, Edward was the type of guy to throw a bitch-fit if you so much as blinked at a guy in the wrong way, yet he wouldn’t hesitate to fuck a bitch for breathing. 

Though Tony had a notorious reputation for being cruel to the women he either slept with or wanted to sleep with, he was good as gold to you. He appreciated your love and passion for your studies and crafts. He thought it was refreshing that you spoke your mind with no fear of repercussions, most people kissed his ass with the hope that he would give them a handout or put in a good word in terms of life-changing opportunities. What he loved most about you, was the faraway look you had when you were thinking. He thought that your carefree spirit was the secret to your beauty. 

It was not lost on you that Tony at least felt some of the same feelings towards you that you did to him. You’d be an idiot to not notice the long trips his eyes would take across your body, or the fact that he insisted on doing menial tasks for you that you could easily do for yourself. The sexual tension and flirty conversations with hidden meanings were enough to have the two of you in a bedroom for hours, but you both would never act on your feelings. He didn’t want to hurt his son, and while you couldn’t care less about Edward’s feelings, you didn’t want people to think you were that kind of girl. That being said it really surprised you when he offered for you and Edward to move in with him. 

You had known each other for several months now, and up until then you two avoided each other when you could, due to your feelings, but Tony claimed his house was too big for just him since Pepper, Edward’s mom, was now gone. Edward was on board with the idea, because it meant more time to kiss his father’s ass in hopes of him eventually letting him inherit Stark Industries. 

“..anyway, I think it’s a good idea.” Tony explained, ripping you out of your daze. You all were currently sitting in his dining room drinking coffee and discussing the move. “I have plenty of room, and all I ask is that you pull your own weight. Your mother took the housekeeper along with–“Edward interrupts.

 “Yes dad I know, along with–“ Tony cuts him off.

“Hush Eddy, daddy is speaking. Along with my beloved corgi Jarvis who was like the son I never had”. Edward rolls his eyes, while you stifle a chuckle that earns a glare from Eddy, and a wink from Tony. 

“Anyway,” Eddy starts, “We think it's a great idea dad, we’ll do it.” You internally groan at his use of we. What the hell does he mean we, you weren’t that out of it to not remember if he had asked you how you felt. There he goes again thinking about himself. 

“There you go again thinking about yourself.” Tony mocks, once again pulling you out of your thoughts, as if he could hear them. “You didn’t even ask poor Y/N how she felt about all of this.” He turns his attention to you and starts, “Now I know your university is further away from my place, but I could provide you with a car–“ This time you interrupt.

“Hold on Mr. Stark, this is too much. We’re only three months into our lease, I don’t want to impose on you, and you shouldn’t be just giving cars out like its noth–“

“Y/N” Tony starts, holding eye contact with you, “…daddy is speaking”. You felt small because of what he just said, but in a good way. Your panties were getting wetter the longer he looked at you so you broke eye contact. Tony relished in your submissiveness. Eddy, as clueless as always brushed off his dad’s comment and decided it was just another one of his eccentric quirks, but you knew and Tony knew what he was doing. This is why you didn’t think it was a good idea to move in.

 “And for the one thousandth time, you can call me Tony. Now where was I? Ah, you didn’t let me finish” he continues, “I could provide you with a car, or a driver, as long as you’re comfortable with it. I’ll never do something without running it by you to make sure its okay”. That there was the reason you loved Tony more than you would ever love Edward. Eddy rushed into things with no regards for your feelings, and when you voiced your worries or concerns he’d blame it on you for not telling him or guilt-trip you into just going with it.

Tony took his time with you. He was patient, and he tuned into how you perceived things. He was a real man. And if this was how he was with you now you could only imagine how attentive he would be to your other needs.

“Maybe we can work something out with your lease. I can continue paying your bills. That way if you guys need an escape away from me to fuck your brains out, its still there”. You cringed at that last part, which didn’t go unnoticed by Tony, who was always watching you. 

You don’t sleep with Edward. Besides the fact that he was a cheater, he never made you cum. He was the type to chase his own nut at the sake of your own. 

“I really think having young people around here would liven the place up.” Tony finished. “So what do you say kid, you wanna move in so we can have some fun?” Tony asked briefly raising an eyebrow.

 His hands were clasped together on the table, while his long pointer finger taped his closed fist absentmindedly. His mouth was tucked in a firm smile and his honey brown eyes, which were focused on yours, were gleaming with hope. You smile back and brace yourself. How could you say no to this?

♡♡♥︎♡♡

Three months had passed since you and Ed moved in with his dad. While your relationship with Edward began to decay more than it already had, the one you had with Tony only blossomed. 

You became more comfortable around him. The two of you would watch movies together, go grocery shopping with each other, cook, bake and sing embarrassing songs out loud without a care in the world. Your favorite part of your relationship however,  was the late night conversations the two of you would have when you couldn’t sleep. They happened more often than sometimes. How in the world could you sleep, when the two of you were in such close proximity. 

Naturally, your feelings for each other only grew stronger, which was exactly what you were afraid of. Though the two of you still had Edward to worry about, he never seemed to care about your budding relationship. He was too involved with himself or one of his latest escapades to notice the events unfolding in front of him. And if he did notice, he thought it was innocent. It was just his girlfriend and dad bonding. 

Tony and you never discussed how you felt about the other, but it wasn’t hard to figure out that he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. The only thing in your way was his son, but that was about to change since Edward’s ass-kissing began to work. His dad was finally about to give him a feel for how to run the company.

 This of course meant more responsibilities, more control, and more time away from home. Tony couldn’t take it anymore. Part of him wanted to remain faithful to his son, but the other part couldn’t sleep peacefully knowing you were just a wall away. At least with Eddy being gone, he could see if the two of you could resist each other. He wanted to test himself, and see if he had really changed. And if he hadn’t, at least he would get you out of it. This was a good thing, he would tell himself. While Edward worked hard to prove he was worthy to his dad,Tony would work even harder to prove that he changed by forcing himself to resist you. If only you would make it that easy for him. 

You were innocent enough, but that’s what drove him crazy. The way your knee would brush against him when you guys were sitting close watching a movie. Or when you would accidentally tap your foot on his when you sat across from each other at the dinner table. Don’t get him started on the way you’d look away from him, when you realize you said something that may have crossed the line. Anything you did would set him off, and he was beginning to regret sending Edward away. 

“Y/N”, Tony shouts, trying to find out exactly where you were in the house. It was 2 p.m. and he had just got home from training Eddy. The car he brought you was still in the driveway so he knew you were home. “Y/N, could you come here for a second.”

“I’ll be there in a minute” You shouted back. You had just had a workout, as you usually spent your mornings in his home gym to relieve stress. You jogged into the kitchen where you had heard his voice earlier. Tony heard you bouncing through the hallways, but his focus was on the trash that you failed to take out this morning. 

“I thought it was your turn to take care of the waste” He states, taking his glasses off before turning his attention to you. “Kid, we had an agree–“ He stops his rant when he realizes your risky attire. You had on a sports bra that accentuated your full breasts perfectly, and your track shorts didn’t leave much to the imagination. Your curly afro sat on your head like a crown, while a few stray pieces fell into your eyes like bangs. Your pecan-tan skin was currently glowing with a sheen of sweat from your previous workout. You looked like the Goddess Aphrodite hand-sculpted you herself. 

“I can take care of it now, I’m sorry. I just got a bit distracted” You apologize. 

“N-No, I can do it, besides these old bones need the exercise from the walk anyway” Tony stutters, patting his arms and averting his eyes. “You can continue whatever it was you were doing”. He excuses himself from the kitchen, but not without giving you one more lingered glance. 

You smile to yourself, knowing you were the reason he was so flustered. Sweaty from your morning activities you decide to grab a shower. You jog upstairs, grab a towel and head into you and Eddy’s shared room to prep. Grabbing your bathroom essentials you quickly get naked, and wrap the towel around yourself. While reading a text, you walk towards the bathroom.

 Not paying attention to where you were going, you crashed into Tony who was heading in from taking out the trash. The sudden contact was so hard that you had to catch your towel from falling and exposing your naked person. 

“I'm so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going” you apologize, but when you look up at him, his expression is blank, only his eyes were a darker shade of brown than his usual soft honey. 

A moment passed before he held you upright and patted your shoulders, “Just be more careful next time” he simply states. On that note he walks off towards his room, leaving you alone to be the one who’s flustered this time. 

♡♡♥︎♡♡

About twenty minutes had passed since your little hallway accident. Tony had tried throwing himself into a book, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how soft you felt in his arms for the split second he got to hold you. Being so enthralled in his thoughts, the loud thud and the yelp that followed caused him to jump out of his skin. 

Immediately running to your aid, he rushed to towards the bathroom to investigate the noise. Flinging the door open, expecting to find you bleeding out on the tub’s floor, he is surprised to see you on top of the counter, eyes wide in terror. The thud came from a fallen bathroom organizer. All of its contents were sprawled across the floor. Tony looked from you, to the mess, then back to you, silently demanding an explanation.

 “I thought I saw a spider…but it was just a clump of my hair, I’m so sorry” You cried. He looked at you with tired eyes, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. You imagined what he must think of you.

How could such a smart girl, be so dumb, you thought. You felt so embarrassed. The circumstances almost made you forget the position you were in. Like before, nothing but a tiny towel to cover your soaking wet body. Tony didn’t know if he believed in God, but if there was one, he was testing him. 

“It’s okay,” he began,

 “Go put some clothes on, while I clean up this mess.” 

“Tony I did it, so I should handle it” you try to argue, but like always he cut you off and insisted, 

“This is my house, and you’re a guest. Now go do as I said.” He was firm with his words. So you hopped off the counter, and went to do as he said, face and neck hot from the embarrassment you just endured. You just wanted to lock yourself in your room until you gained the courage to face him again. Which is exactly what you did.

♡♡♥︎♡♡

Hours later, you woke up from a nap and found yourself growing hungry. Figuring that around this time of night Tony would be in his study, you venture downstairs in hopes of finding some food.

After eating, you fix yourself a snack and choose a movie. As of lately living with Tony, made you feel sexually frustrated, so you chose Fifty Shades of Gray thinking nothing of it. Edward would likely not be coming home tonight, since he usually blew off steam with a whore or two after work, and Tony was most likely settled in for the night.  You would be all alone with your thoughts and fantasies. That was until Tony plopped himself down on the couch next to you. 

“Watcha watching?” He teased in a childish manner, eyes glued to the screen. 

“Um, Fifty Shades of Gray” you replied, immediately regretting your choice of entertainment. I mean it was a shitty movie, why were you watching it in the first place?

 “Hmm interesting. You know believe it or not, I’ve never seen it. Mind if I watch it with you?” He asks, looking at you briefly before back to the screen. 

“Well you can watch it, but I was just about to do some cleaning” you answer, standing to your feet. 

“Are you kidding, that can wait. We always watch movies together, besides they’re better with company. Sit down.” He commanded, though he said it in a playful manner, his eyes challenged your own. You sit back down. 

“Maybe we should watch something else, this movie is pretty terrible” you suggest. 

“Silly girl, I just told you I haven’t seen it. Let me be the judge of that.” He insists. How the fuck were you supposed to escape this awkward ass situation?

“If you were mine, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week” Christian declares to Anastasia, before leaning down to take a bite of her toast. 

“I like the way this Gray thinks” Tony whispered. 

You heard, him but you elected to ignore him. The two of you had tested the waters way too much today. 

Shifting in your seat to make yourself more comfortable, your thigh brushes against his warm hand. You slightly jump further away, the gesture making you realize just how close the two of you were. Tony chuckles at your actions. He always loved making you squirm. You think he got off at how worked up you’d get. 

“What’s funny?” You challenge, eyeing him because you were getting a little agitated at this point. 

“Nothing” he simply replies, eyes never leaving the screen. The hand that you brushed against was now hanging over the edge of the couch, he had crossed his legs so that his foot rest on his knee, and there was smug look on the bastard’s face. He looked too comfortable with this shit. 

You thought about all of the seats in the room. You even thought about all of the tv’s he had in his house. Why was this smug son-of-a-bitch sitting so close to you after everything that happened today? Did today’s events mean nothing to him? Did it only bother you? Maybe you only imagined that Tony had feelings for you.

 “Look kitten, I know how sexy I am, but would you mind watching the screen instead of me?” Tony states, finally meeting your gaze. You hadn’t realized you were still staring, so you apologized, fell back in your seat and began browsing apps on your phone to distract yourself from your growing shame. 

Fast-forward into the movie, and you guys come across your first sex scene. No matter who you were watching them with, sex scenes always felt uncomfortable to you. You thought of ways to escape the room. You reached into your popcorn bowl, and immediately found your way out. “I’m gonna go and get some more snacks.” You yell, jumping up to remove yourself.

 “But there’s plenty of popcorn, how much do you need?” Tony argues, startled from your outburst. 

“Well we could always use more, my stomach is like a black void.” You state before taking the half empty bowl, and running towards the kitchen. 

Finally away from him and that wretched movie, you had minute to collect your thoughts. While you act like you’re doing something, you fail to notice the footsteps slowly approaching.

“What are you doing to me?” Tony questions, his sudden presence making you jolt away from the task at hand. 

“Tony, you scared me” you sigh, grasping your chest. Thinking about his choice of words, you quirk your eyebrow and ask, “What does that question mean?” You’re genuinely confused about his random interrogation. He was leaning against the doorway on the other side of the kitchen. His gaze was currently fixated on your figure, eyeing you up and down. His dark hair looked like he had just ran a hand through it, and his arms were crossed forcing his muscles to bulge. He pushed himself off the wall and started towards you slowly, the closer he got the further you backed away.

 “It means, why are you running around here half-naked one minute, then acting innocent the next? Hmm? Are you trying to test me?” He accuses. 

 “I don’t know what you–“ 

“Don’t act stupid Y/N.” Tony warns. “You’re a smart girl, and you know what you’re doing”. His voice is raised slightly, and though he isn’t the tallest, his height towers yours at the moment. “Do you know how hard it is to control myself around you? You didn’t make it easy today.” At this point he had you backed in between the kitchen island and himself. He was close enough that you could smell his skin. A mixture of sandalwood and citrus assaulted your nostrils, and sent your mind into a blissful haze. He wasn’t lying, you knew exactly what you were doing. Even if it wasn’t intentional, your body craved him. It was as if the two of you were being pulled by a gravitational force towards each other. You just couldn’t help not being around him. 

You stayed silent. Your only form of communication was the look you were giving him. As your doe-like eyes bore into his, your lips quivered with anticipation. 

“Kid, you shouldn’t look at me like that.” He warned.  Straightening himself, to appear more intimidating, he asks, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I’m sorry, Daddy” was all that you could say. You swear you didn’t mean to, but your body betrayed your better judgement. Would he believe you if you told him that?

“Oh fuck” he sighed, before throwing his self-control out of the window. His hands were on your face pulling your lips to his in a fevered manner. He licked your lips begging for entrance, and you immediately obeyed his request. Although his lips were softer than any you’d ever felt, they were rough against you, desperate to show you the months of pent-up sexual tension in one heated session. Without breaking the kiss, he grabbed the area beneath your thighs, and lifted you on the island. You reached your hands up to his hair, to tangle your fingers in the almond strands pulling him closer in the process. You wrapped your legs around his waist to feel his hardening bulge against your entrance. He groaned at the gesture, holding your waist in his hands.

 He pulled back for air, but it wasn’t long before he attached his lips to your neck. You tried to bite back a moan, but Tony being the arrogant prick he was sensed that, and took it as a challenge. He dug his fingers into your thighs, and slowly dragged them closer to the hem of your shorts tugging at them while simultaneously sucking hard on your neck. This action produced a whole slew of moans from you. Between the burn from the trails his nails made, and the spots he licked on your neck, you were in shambles. You placed one hand on the back of his neck, and used the other to claw at the fabric of his dress shirt. But then, he suddenly stopped. 

You opened your eyes to figure out what had distracted him, when you saw he was focused on the phone beside you. It was vibrating and lit up to reveal a notification from a close friend. But the text wasn’t what Tony focused on. It was the lock-screen that Edward made you save of the two of you. Son of a bitch, you thought. Suddenly consumed with guilt, Tony removed your hands from his neck and shoulder. 

“Sweetheart, we can’t do this. I’m sorry for coming on to you like that” He sighed, upset that he let things get this far. 

“Tony please don’t stop, I’ll do anything you want,” You beg, grabbing at his shirt and tightening your legs around his waist “please just stay.” You plead. 

“Maybe if you were never with my son, we could make this work, but you know that we cant. I’m sorry princess.” He unwraps your legs, and kisses your fingers before bringing your hands down to your sides. As he walks away, you shout, 

“I don’t let him touch me.” He stops in his tracks, “You’re the only man I want inside of me. Please don’t go.” You pleaded one last time. It takes every bone in his body not to turn around and take you right there, but he continues walking, grabbing his keys and heading out the door, leaving you all alone.

♡♡♥︎♡♡

When he had left, Tony originally planned on going to a bar to drink his problems away, but he just couldn’t start the damn car. He opted on sitting in the driveway for two hours instead. He contemplated going on vacation for a few days to get himself together. Or maybe he could spend his days at the company like Edward did. He even thought about packing you up to run away with him to the Poconos. That way you’d be away from Edward, and away from judgmental eyes. But alas, the best thing to do would be to go inside, talk out your issues, and decide from there. So that’s what he would do. 

When he entered the foyer, he immediately noticed the packed luggage in the entryway. It was yours. Oh hell no, he thought, she doesn’t just get to leave. 

More determined than before, he marches upstairs ready to confront you and beg you to stay. If anyone was gonna leave, it’d be him since he started the situation. Just before he knocked on your door to speak with you, he stopped due to the faint noises he heard on the other side. Were you already talking to someone? No.

 What he heard were needy pants and moans, and what he thought was his own name. Carefully opening the door slightly ajar, he peeked in to see you lying in bed. Your eyes were closed, and you had changed into an over-sized tee. Your hair was sprawled across your pillow, and your hands were busy at their own tasks. You had one underneath your shirt, toying with your nipples, and the other was underneath your panties finger fucking your hole. 

This. This was his breaking point. A man could only take so much.

 He burst into your room, alarming you so bad you leap out of your skin and sit up on your elbows. He began loosening his tie while he continued his stalk towards. He wasted no time crawling on top of the bed to hover above your face. He placed a hand beside your head to hold himself up, and then he ripped your drenched fingers out of your panties to examine them. Eyeing your slick digits, he pushed them into his mouth and slowly removed them, groaning from the taste. 

“Is this all for me?” He whispers, loud enough for you to hear. 

You didn’t answer him because you were still stunned from his unexpected appearance. Growing impatient from your silence, Tony slaps your pussy, causing you to whimper. “When daddy asks you a question, he expects an answer, okay kitten?” 

“Yes daddy” you choke out in a strangled moan. 

“Mmm, good girl” Tony praises. He grabs your hips , and positions you so that you're face down while your bare legs dangle off of his lap. 

“You know Y/N, you’ve been a very bad girl” Tony starts, as he takes off his tie. “Maybe I should teach you a lesson for being such a tease” As he says this, he wraps the fabric around your wrists, tightly securing it. He then proceeds to remove your panties. You can feel his dick getting harder. You squirm, placing your heat over his. “Don’t move.” He commands, before he places a hand on your ass, rubbing circles on it. “Now, be a good girl and count em for me.” Before you could protest, Tony delivers a harsh smack to your left cheek, you try to stifle the squeal that escapes your throat, which just makes him even more aggressive. 

“Fucking count, and if you hold in another sound, it's only gonna get much worse.” He cautions. 

“One” you cry. Smack, “T-two” the second blow was much harder than the last. 

Eight smacks later, and you can finally end this torment. “Ten!” you cry out, voice shaking, and  tears streaming down your face. By the time he got to ten, you were sure he’d left a handprint. Your tears stained the sheets, but he wasn’t done with you yet. He soothes the areas he smacked earlier with his hands. He leans down and begins to place kisses on your throbbing skin. You whine at the feel of warm lips, yearning for more, “I’m sorry about today Tony. Just please…no more teasing.” You beg, already dreading what he has in store. 

Tony pauses to respond, “You’ve been saying sorry quite a bit today, kitten. But it’s not gonna work this time.” He soothes, ignoring your pleas. 

When he’s done planting kisses, he takes two of his thick fingers to run between your sopping wet lips. He lightly brushes a finger against your clit, causing you to wiggle. “Look at daddy’s girl. So nice and wet, just for me.” He moves you both so that he’s face to face with your ass. “Such a pretty pussy.” he praises, in awe of how beautiful the sight before him is, dick growing harder by the minute. Fed up with waiting, he inserts his tongue into you. You taste even better than he had imagined. You fist the sheets underneath you, crying in bliss. You could feel the hair from his beard ticking the inside of your thighs. That, paired with the thick tongue inside of you, made you a moaning, writhing mess. 

He’s biting and sucking on your lips, carefully making sure to collect all of your juices. His tongue occasionally darts between your folds, causing you to yelp and squirm. You can’t help bucking your hips backwards to relieve some of the tension. To focus better on your clit, he reaches one of his arms under your leg, and plants  his hand on the area above your ass to hold you steady. He uses the other hand to finger fuck you while his tongue toyed with your clit. 

Pushing yourself against his tongue was all that you could do since your hands were still tied, but Tony had a death-grip around your waist now.“Please untie me daddy, please I can’t take this anymore”, you whine, getting overwhelmed from the pleasure. 

He comes up for air, and says “Since you asked so nicely princess.”,  and with that, he flips you over so that you’re on your back, unties your wrists, then trails kisses down your body until he reaches your pussy again. He was hungry, and you were the only one who could satisfy him. 

You tangle your hands in his hair, pull him closer to your mound, and start to grind yourself against his face.You were chasing your orgasm at this point and any kind of friction helped you get closer, but he didn’t seem to mind; it just turned him on even more. Tony begins sucking on your clit like his life depended on it. He used his fingers to stretch you open. First it was just one, then two, and now a third had you feeling full. Unable to stand the pleasure any longer, you began pushing him away. He placed an arm over your waist to restrain you. Still fingering you, he looked up to say, “Stay still. I’m just trying to make you feel good”. You throw your head back in response, moans roaring from your chest. 

 Even though you were just lying there, the sounds you made, and the way you tasted were setting him off. He wasn’t eating your pussy just to please you, he was doing it to please himself too. He started to hum into you, and the vibrations sent you over the edge. “Tony I’m so close” you cry, as you try to push him away one last time. The feeling was too new and foreign to you, “Fuck daddy, I’m cumming!” you screamed, just before you came all over his face.

He continues licking and sucking to help you ride out your high. Tears were clouding your vision. He finally comes up, meeting your eyes. He sits on his knees in between your legs, and begins to wipe away your tears. “You see the mess you made?” He questions, referring to his wet lips and fingers. You take the long appendages into both hands, and without breaking eye contact, place them in your mouth only to slowly remove them, repeating his actions from earlier. 

“What am I gonna do with you?” he says more to himself than to you. 

“Anything you want.” You reply. 

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you in awe. You take advantage of his silence, to get up and meet his level. You both just stare at each other for a moment. He’s the one to make the first move. You two share a slow and passionate kiss. He fights for dominance, and you obey him. 

Your hands are placed on his shoulders to steady yourself. He rubs his hands up and down your sides, contemplating whether or not he wants to get rid of your baggy t-shirt. He decides he does. He breaks the kiss to pull the material over your head. He’s instantly met with your perky brown breasts, and the chocolate buds that grace the middle of them. 

Grabbing your neck to pull you back in for a kiss, he begins palming at your chest. You move away from his lips to attack his neck. You slowly lick a stripe up towards his ear, biting the lobe when you meet it. Tony growls at the gesture, tugging your hair and making you whimper in the process. You continue endeavors, sucking and biting. You blow cold air over the bruises you make, which drives him crazy. He starts tugging at one of your nipples with and brings his free hand down to play with your clit again. You kiss your way passed his neck, to meet his collarbone. Before you can go any lower, he stops you.

“Not this time princess. Tonight is about you.” He coos, grabbing your chin up to meet your face. “Trust me we’ll have plenty of time for that in the future.” You can’t help the small smile that comes to your face at the mention of this happening again. 

“Look at that pretty smile, I can never get enough of that.” He returns a smile to you, and begins unbuttoning his dress shirt. He stands up to pull the fabric off his shoulders, and tosses it to the other side of the room. You crawl over to him, and begin unbuckling his pants. “Impatient are we” he chuckles, cupping your chin. He bites his lip, turned on by how eager you are. 

When you finish unbuckling, he pushes you back on the bed to finish releasing himself. His member is bigger than you imagined and you wonder if it will even fit. 

“Get over here” he commands. You do as he says. He pulls you to the edge of the bed and lines himself up with your entrance. He teases you both by pushing himself between your folds to gather some lubricate. His head was big, so even that felt a little uncomfortable. 

When he felt he collected enough wetness, he pulled back so that his tip aligned with your opening. “Do you want me stop?” He asks, sensing your uneasiness. 

“No. Keep going” you respond, you’ve wanted this for so long, a little pain wasn’t going to stop you.

He eases his head into you, causing you both to let a string of obscenities. “Fuck, Y/N, you’re so tight.” He growls, hunched over trying to ease the rest of himself in. Your mouth was wide open, and you didn’t breathe out of fear that you were gonna pop. Tears began to well up in your eyes. For one, you hadn’t been fucked in so long it felt like you were a virgin, and two, Tony had the biggest dick you’d ever taken. 

“Sweetheart just relax for me” he urges, the veins in his dick were pulsating against the walls of your pussy. He would explode if he didn’t fuck you within the next two minutes. You try to do as he says. He reaches between the two of you, to apply pressure to your clit, which immediately makes you welcome him. He waits for you to adjust to his size.  When he feels you clench around him, he pins your hands above your head, and starts to fuck you into the mattress. His strokes start off slow, but hard. He’s rolling his hips into yours, and his grunts and your moans are filling your ears. You shut your eyes, the pleasure beginning to overtake you. Tony reaches between you to pinch your clit. You yelp and fling your eyes open. “Don’t take your eyes off of me baby.”

He picks up the pace, and starts to fuck you faster. His hips are smashing into yours, but he doesn’t take his eyes off of you. “You look so pretty with my cock stuffed inside of you.” He growls, “Who else fucks you like this, hmm?” He questions. 

“No one, Tony” you whimper, relishing in his dirty talk.

 “Better not be” , he warns before delivering a particularly hard thrust that makes you cry out in pain. “You look so good underneath me. Fuck!” He grunts. “Say my name, princess.”

“Tony” you whimper, which was apparently the wrong answer because now he’s fucking you at an inhuman speed. 

He pinches your clit again, “Silly girl, thats not it. What’s my name?”

“Daddy!” you scream,

 “Good girl” he grunts, before burying himself into your neck claiming your skin. He doesn’t give a fuck about Edward at this point. He’s fucking you in his son’s bed, and he wouldn’t even care if he caught the two of you right now. That would be his punishment for the way he treated you.

His hand still on your clit, his throbbing dick inside you, and even his bare chest rubbing against your nipples is enough to make you explode. “D-daddy I’m gonna cu-umm.” You stutter, your words becoming incoherent. The pleasure was so intense you couldn’t think straight. 

“Cum on Daddy’s cock, kitten.” He whispers into your ear, sending you over the edge. 

“Fuck!”, you screamed, when he kept fucking you even after you came. Tony was close too, his thrusts were becoming more inaccurate, and he began to pull out before you stopped him. 

“Cum inside of me.” You begged, wrapping yourself around him. 

And that’s when you see something in him snap. You didn't have to tell him twice. He kicks up the pace sending your body up and down against the mattress as he urges himself to give you what you both want. 

And after one more thrust, he lets out a sound so animalistic, and spurts his seed into your sex. All you can feel is his hot cum filling you up, as you both come down from your highs.

 Staying put for a moment, he looks down at you, both of you covered in sweat, and tired from tonight’s activities. You both are gasping for air, trying to catch your breath. Tony was usually a man who kept his composure, so to see him before you now, sweat rolling down his body, disheveled hair, gasping for air, completely fucked out,  was a memory you hoped to never forget. 

He finally decided to remove himself from you, and you instantly felt empty. He left the room for a moment, only to return in a pair of sweatpants. He also had a damp washcloth, that he used to clean you with.  “Who knew you could be so sweet” you murmur grabbing your t-shirt off the floor to pull it over your head, before you push yourself under the covers of your bed. 

“You’re right. Now I have to kill you.” He responds, making you giggle. He smiles, “That’s such a sweet sound.” He whispers. You stop smiling and avert your gaze. 

“You don’t get to be shy now.” He says before crawling into bed next to you. You’re positioned so that your back is against his chest. He wraps his arms around you, and you intertwine your legs with his. He nuzzles his face into your neck, and plants a kiss. 

“Can I ask you a question?” He asks, while playing with your hair. 

“You just did, but I guess that’s not what you meant” you say, earning a nip to the ear. “Ow! What’s your question, stupid?” you ask, chuckling. 

“Where were you gonna go? I saw your bags packed downstairs.” He asks. 

“I was gonna go back to my old apartment.”

‘I need to stop paying for that right away’, he thought. “ Well what stopped you?” He pushes. 

“I saw your car in the driveway and didn’t want you to try to stop me, so I just went back upstairs until you were gone. I guess I was still pretty horny from earlier.” you admit. 

God, did he love this girl.

“I’ve wanted this for so long. Don’t ever think about leaving” he cautions. 

“Me too…and I won’t” You start. Changing the subject you say, “You know…i’ve never done that before.”

“Done what?” He prods.  

“Ive never came before.” You confess. 

“Are you serious?” He half yells, making you jump slightly. 

“Well yea, not even by myself.” 

“So you mean to tell me, Edward never made you cum? I thought I raised him better than that.” He states, making you laugh.

“Well you two are completely different.” 

“One could say, that it's a Stark contrast.” He jokes, laughing to himself.

“Remind me to never fuck a dad again.” You sigh, before turning around to give him one last kiss goodnight. 

A/N: Please tell me what you think if you've gotten this far ;)! Like, reblog, comment. Also do not repost. 

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 01.04.21 lb

lmao, guess i'm back on my bs.🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

vansh don't know shit about "his" riddhima, if he thinks she'd “bina soche-samjhe pee jaati” esp. after that paralyzing crap he pulled. she should tell him that and prove it's the real her.

can he stop answering every question with another question?????? so annoying.

this whole scene is so fucking dumb. anyone with a brain cell can tell it's obviously truth serum, coz he can't kill her and needs the truth.

“tum pregnant nahi ho kyunki tum riddhima nahi ho.” coz................. only one woman on the planet can be pregnant at a time? amazeballs logic, sir.

gotta say i love R 2.0 and her completeeeeee refusal to abide by V's fuckery.

WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST TACKLED HER TO THE GROUND JFC MAN EVEN IF SHE’S NOT PREGNANT THAT CAN’T BE HEALTHY FOR HER BONES

hahahahaha she's like "you want riddhima? i'll give you riddhima, bitch" and JUST plants one on him.

ofc he's the kinda weirdo who keeps his eyes open while being kissed.

lmaoooooooooo he lost himself in it. riddhima’s got a magic tongue huh? that proves her identity like some kinda biometric, but also soothes angry husbands into submission.

lollllllllllllllll he's having a real crisis of faith. coz if this is riddhima, man has he fucked up BIG TIMEEEEEEEE. if it isn't riddhima, he's still fucked up big time, by letting humshakal girl tongue-kiss him into oblivion.

he's so fucking stupid, why won't he just get a DNA test...................... WHY WON'T ANYONE IN THIS SHOW GET DNA TESTS WHEN PPL WHO LOOK LIKE OTHER PPL SHOW THE FUCK UP OUTTA NOWHERE ACTING FUNNY???

oh wait. does he think this is riddhima after all? coz he's ranting about dhoka and all............ if she's a doppelganger then kaahe ka dhoka???? 

ofc, aryan walked by and heard the rant. abbe yaaaaaaaar.

WHO THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK DOESN'T LOCK THEIR LAPTOP WHEN THEY WALK AWAY????? VANSH-I-WANT-ALL-MY-SECRETS-KEPT-FOREVER-RAISINGHANIA THAT'S WHO. MAIN TOH SUSU KARNE BHI NA JAAOON WITHOUT LOCKING MY COMPUTER. I’M NOT LEAVING MY SHAMEFUL INTERNET HISTORY OUT THERE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

oh ghar mein naya siyaapa yeh hai ki siya went off somewhere, despite vansh locking her up in her room. man, wtf he's really turning into some 90s movie villain dad.

ishani happy and vansh realllllllll unhappy about siya joining ishani's ranks of being a “bitch” (which is what this show calls all women who have a mind of their own............)

anupriya, you shoulda saved all this momming for the shitty boys you raised, instead of pushing patriarchal bs on the girls.

“siya vansh raisinghania ki behen hai, koi uska baal bhi baanka nahi kar sakta!!!!!!!!!” uh...............................

ppl would wanna murder her PURELY for the reason that she’s YOUR sister, dumbass. 

ugh this sasta!vansh and his ganda saxophone playing (always the same irritating tune). nahiiiiiiiiiiii chahiyeee humeinnn. mujhe mera kabirrrrrr do wapassssssssssss!!!!!!!

siya has taken vihaan bhai's “taadna is free of cost” motto to heart and is drinking the shirtlessness in. i'd be all for it if it was literally anyone else other than her own brother-dad's clone.

he’s like does your mom know you’re here, does your family know you’re here? she’s a fucking grownass woman, vyom. a dumb bitch who shouldn’t be out here unsupervised, but........ she grown.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGHE KEEPS SAYING “CHERRY” AND I LEGIT THOUGHT THAT WAS FAKE!RIDDHIMA’S NAME TILL NOW.................... I JUST GOT IT IN THIS SCENE, THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY SAYING THE THE FRENCH WORD “CHÉRI” AND THAT’S HOW HE REFERS TO ALL WOMEN.

her parvati bani poo parivartan is khaali looks mein haan, she still calling him AAP and talking like a coy little baby.

LMAO EMBARRASSED FOR WHAT???????? HAVING A TINYASS UNNOTICEABLE RIP IN HER THICKKKKK DENIM JACKET?????

yeh banda shirt hamesha paas rakhta hai, par pehnta nahi. it’s like his version of a fire extinguisher. if it’s being used, things have gonna hella wrong.

alskdjalskjdlaskjdlaksjlk he’s made a new saxophone dhun named after her. height of romance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! vansh bhai, kuch seekho. nahi, aapko toh hamesha biwi ko paralytics ya zeher ya truth serum pilaana hai, ya baat baat par goli maarni hai.

ishani is right, siya really needs to get out more, coz if she’s falling for this kinda basiccccccccccc bullshit..............

aryan has brought dadi to see riddhima waala proof. it doesn’t need to be April 1st to know that iska bohut bada popat banne waala hai.

yup vansh is here to dunk on him nice and good. oh aryan......... idk why you even try.

sassy vansh is the ONLY tolerable vansh.

oh daaaaaaaang aryan real mad, calling him bastard and all. show OTT pe aane ko wait kar raha tha aryan, taaki asli gaali bulaa sake.

dadi: “kisi par ilzaam lagaane se pehle dus baar soch liya karo.” coz............. that’s what YOU did, before you put everything that was happening in this house on riddhima’s head? even though you had zero proof???? i really think vansh needs to take dadi for a MRI or some shit coz her behaviour is just bizarre these days.

ofc he’s gonna answer it like WOH ZINDA HAI, MERE DILLLLLLLLLL MEIN.............

ok “yaadon mein”, same difference.

ishani, a spouse is for more than just sexual gratification. lord. everyone in this show needs so much couple’s therapy.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE YOUR LOCATION ON FOR HER TO TRACK, ANGRE??????????? OMG YOU’RE THE WORST SECURITY PERSON FUCKING EVER. KHANNA BHAIYYA BHI ITNE BEWAKOOF NAHI THE.

asakdjlaskjdlaskjdlksajdfkjsd angre legit contemplating leaving his boss ka most valuable asset unattended coz his wife wants to fuck.

riddhima’s like yeah go, mujhe nahi mil raha toh kya, tum toh at least mazze le lo.

angre is convinced this is riddhima bhaabi. giving kasme vaade of even dying for her.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha he thinks vansh/riddhima were IDEAL COUPLE...... dude, isse zyaada ideal toh biryani aur ketchup waala combo hai. 

godddddddddddddddd anyone with a brain cell has by this point deduced ki this is real riddhima and she’s doing all this to save vansh from vyom in some way. stop taking the audience to be as idiotic as the main characters, show.

lmaooooooooooooooooooo vansh was all I’LL FIND SIYA and now he’s just sitting in the living room with his angry bird face till she decided to waltz in the front door. sooooooo.......... ishani can track her hubs, but you telling me vansh doesn’t have a tracker on siya????

what hulia??????? everyone’s ragging on siya’s new style while ishani and riddhima and that lollipop chick can wear whatever the fuck they want? what nonsense.

lmao everyone’s horrified to find out that siya’s learnt the basic definition of feminism. itne saal tak they kept her in the house so she wouldn’t know, but hawa lag hi gayi ladki ko.

precap: lollipop girl rubs up against vansh warning him ki aryan knows his secret. aryan and angre haathapaai as the former tries to shoot riddhima. they’ve framed the scene like he got her, but i bet he didn’t. koi aur aa gaya hoga saamne.

[honeybinnies]

CHARACTERS  ☆ han jisung, reader (you), seo changbin, bang chan (mentioned) 

PLOT ☆  wherein jisung, the mafia’s assassin, has a mission to retrieve a heirloom from the mafia’s heiress, you. to his surprise, he easily finds you alone on a night club, and finally, he work begins.

WORD COUNT  ☆ 2.5k 

WARNINGS  ☆ this is rated E for sexual activity, alcohol and mentions of drugs. to minimize dashboard consumption, a keep reading header will be placed after the first paragraph. this is to respect other people’s content, as well as the time of the viewers.

DISCLAIMER  ☆ i do not own stray kids. they belong to jyp entertainment. i only own the edit and the storyline itself. 

NOTE ☆ this one-shot is written in third person point of view, so all mentions of “the woman” are directed to all female readers.

[10:18pm] jisung’s doing alright. wait, scratch that, jisung’s doing more than just alright. in fact, he’s living his best life at the moment. it’s ten in the evening in the noisy, sin-filled streets of gangnam-gu, and the bass is loud in the club he’s currently at. jisung grins as hr struts around the squeaked floors of the night club, clad in a silk button-up tucked down into some nice black jeans, two of his buttons loosened, flashing a bit of his collarbone where his tattoo peeked out shyly. his blonde hair is swooped to the side, and smudge of dark eyeshadow and glossed lips masks his features, making him ten times more regal underneath the neon lights, more alluring. he’s thriving as he walks to the bar to heed for a martini on the house, and he looks at the swaying bodies grinding against the music, please, relaxed. 

“now this feels like home.” he smirks, letting out a sigh before grabbing a hold of his martini. he takes his sweet time upon ravishing the contents, the liquid coating his throat with the burning sensation he was looking for. he doesn’t even notice someone slide next to him as he does so, and neither does he flinch from his spot when the man speaks up. 

“don’t get too relaxed, ji.” the man remarks, voice laden with slight amusement. “remember, we’re here because chan wanted you to fulfill a mission.” 

the said man noises apprehensively, and down the remains of his martini, the alcohol burning the rest of throat just the way he likes it. “please, changbin. cut me some slack. i haven’t felt like this in years.” the statement leaves a snort from changbin himself, and turns to take a swig of beer before facing jisung once again. “it’s the only time you’ll ever be feeling like this, jisung. remember, we still have a little nation to overthrow?”

the younger tilts his head to face changbin, eyebrow quirked up in a unimpressed manner at the mention a pathetic empire muttered at his very ears. “don’t get me started on jaehyun’s bullshit, hyung. he doesn’t mean anything to me at the moment.” 

changbin could only smirk at the flatness of his tone, before he spots a familiar figure moving across jisung. his gaze only darkens by the percentage, as a low hum draws from his throat. “9:00. that’s our target.” he gestures jisung to the figure, to which the other looks to his 9:00. he sees a woman in a scarily low v-neck cocktail dress, sparkled with red sequences, and jisung thinks that the make-up’s too slutty on her. he fights the urge to roll his eyes on the accentuated cleavage the dress is exposing her, however, he has no time to fancy on this visuals. his target is on the heirloom she adorns on her neck, and that is enough for jisung to have the need to just get it over with. 

so, he flashes changbin an easy smile, and places his martini glass down. he pats his button-up once, twice, and adjusts a stiff strand on his parted forehead. “easy peasy. watch me.” 

“i’d rather not see your seduction skills, ji. just do it.” changbin groans in response, and swats his hand in dismissal. jisung’s already doing his job as he ignores his underboss, and makes his way to the woman, who’s currently seated alone. she looks bored as she scans the place, as if she wants something interesting to happen to her, something exciting. jisung’s been there once; his first few years as an assassin was pretty much the same old boring routine that he’d find himself breaking every once in a while. he snorts at the memory of a fuming chan towering over him one time, when he was scattered on the sheets of another woman, cum dry on his stomach and blunts smoked beside the tabletop of the bedroom. he had rendered his life a mess that time, lost and nowhere to go. he had a mind to thank chan sometime for bringing him out of that misery, but as of now, he owes him treasure.

the moment jisung meets gazes with the bored woman, his expression switches to something more amiable. ease it up, he thinks to himself. let’s not bring things too fast. “hey, need company?” 

the woman looks up at him, and snorts before looking back at the crowd, sullen. “go away. i don’t want to look like i got stood up tonight.” 

jisung blinks at this, and momentarily judges her appearance before saying anything else. she has got to be kidding. only a dumb slut would show up to a date wearing clothes like that. either way, he’s dealt with sluttier women in his life, so he’s not the one to talk. “stood up, huh? don’t you think it’s a little past 10pm to be waiting for a date? and at a night club?”

it takes a while for the woman to respond, only busying herself with swirling the olive on her drink. after a few moments, she sighs in defeat, and nudges over to the seat in front of her. “fine. you have a point. take that seat.”

the smile that jisung fakes is convincing enough to satisfy his reaction, and occupies the seat next to him. he knows he’s about to engage himself in some absolutely boring talk with the slutty woman, and judging from her standoffish mood, he has a feeling he won’t enjoy this so much. however, his time’s ticking, and it’s only so long before that pendant is finally on his hands. he decides to just go with the flow, and finally exit when it’s done. “so?” jisung begins, folding his arms on the metal table. “you wanna talk about this bad date?” 

the woman smacks her cherry-colored lips in exaggeration, and lets out a small breath before looking at him. “we were supposed to meet up at this restaurant hours ago, but he never came. he messaged me saying that he had some business to deal with, and honestly, it’s all he ever says nowadays. like, what does he think this relationship is? i’m not here to wait around and hope he comes back!” 

jisung pretends to be interested in the conversation, but his mind is thinking about other things. a cheesecake would be so good right now. “hm, he seems like a douche.” 

“he’s an asshole, that’s what he is!” the woman exclaims, swatting the skewered olives back on the drink. she fumes for a while, but the more she acknowledges jisung, her face softens by a tint. “thanks for keep up with my bullcrap tonight. i really needed company.” 

jisung only hums in response, sending the woman a distant smile before he lets her continue. “i just need to feel free right now, you know? it’s like, i wanna just--just get risky with some man and feel no remorse for it. i mean, fuck that guy, am i right? who care if he sees me with another man. one night stands are better than him.”

the assassin breaks his baggage of thoughts and piques his interest at her. he could almost taste victory on his hands, a familiar grasp of something that could be won in the snap of a finger. this could be his gateway to the jewel adorned on her neck, and he’s relieved that she’s making things easier for him. he smiles at her then, one that’s less softer and more suggestive. “that’s why you came to this night club, right?” 

then, he tilts his head, and smooths his fingers into her arm, stroking the skin gently, as if to channel comfort. it’s subtle, but he knows it would make her swoon. “then what’s stopping you from getting risky? this is the perfect place for one night stands, sweetheart.” 

surely enough, the woman opens her mouth to say something in return, but she finds herself staring at jisung instead, only fully taking him in at the moment. his eyes are soft, but glinting at something she hopes it’s what she’s thinking of, and the rubs of his fingers against her arm are every bit comforting. his touches are like milk and honey trickling on her skin, and his lips seem sweeter on her vision, glossy, enticing. “this...” 

jisung tries not to smirk at how he’s managed to get her under his spell that quick, and continues to run his fingers through her shoulder. “what?” 

there’s a sudden want that bubbles on the core of her stomach at each stroke he places on her, and her hands ball into fists above her thighs, trying her best not to show how much she wanted jisung right there and then. however, he heart says otherwise, and she end up blurting the words she so badly wanted to say. “you--can, can i kiss you?” 

bingo. 

the strokes on her arm stop, and jisung plasters a frown at her question, or rather, her command. “oh, sweetheart, do you think i’m the perfect guy to be doing this with?”

“as i said,” the woman gulps down and inches closer to him, suddenly feeling daring, feeling needy. “i’m looking for anybody at the moment, and i don’t care who i end up with. besides, you’re pretty hot. i wouldn’t mind fucking a hot man like you.”

the man hums in consideration and slides his hand down to the curve of her waist, pulling her in even more. he could basically feel the hunger and pure want radiating from her body, and the shudder he feels under his fingers is enough for him to know that she could barely contain herself before she pounces on him. so, he gazes at the woman in the same crazed manner, and grips her waist, voice lowered to something darker. “then by all means, let me be your guest.” 

it’s only seconds before the woman crashes her lips with his, the musk of their perfumes wafting in the air as she eagerly climbs onto his lap to deepen the kiss. his lips are delicious just as she imagined, and his movements are fluid and filled with years of experience, swiping skin to skin, releasing to locking. jisung internally finds this disgusting however, but keeps on urging the kiss in deeper, teasing the seams of her mouth with his tongue before she gives it an entrance. he’s appalled by the sudden straddle of her hips against his thigh, and the friction only makes him half-hard. 

he makes sure to busy himself with his lips passionately colliding against hers, and his hips bucking to give her the pleasure she wants, to make her hotter and hungrier than she was before. as the woman speeds up with her straddles, he smooths his palm up to the back of her nape, where he skillfully unclasps the pendant and tucks it neatly inside his pocket. he smiles onto the hot exchange of kisses at his acquired item, and continues to kiss her for as long as she desires. 

unfazed by what he had just done, the woman pulls away from the sloppy kiss and tries to undo his buttons, fingers fumbling to release an ounce of skin from his button-up. however, jisung snatches her wrist, and eyes her dangerously, his voice hoarse and deeper than usual. “i think we should be in a more private space if you want to do that to me, sweetheart.” 

the wild smile that spreads on her lips meant her well, and jisung chuckles at such a sight before he leans up to kiss her once on the lips, the touch lingering. “say, why don’t you be a good girl for me and,” another kiss, this time on the corner of her mouth, “make yourself comfortable for me in the room right over there?” 

he peeks up to catch her reaction, and sees her eyes closed shut, trying to feel every bit of his kisses warming her skin. satisfied, he continues, at peppers his mouth to her cheek, trailing all the way to her earlobe. “then, i want you to cover yourself up for me, yeah?” he slides a silk sash on her hands, and he doesn’t even need to say anything in order for her to what she would do with it. he runs his palms up and down her waist as he could see the bubbling excitement and arousal building upon her while she feels the silk on her hands, and speaks up through the droning sounds of the club. “i want you to be ready for me, so you’re gonna have to wait for a while.” 

to tease her for the hell of it, he grumbles into her earlobe, and pulls her hips close to him yet again, only harsher and more dominating. “you think you can do that for daddy?” he licks her earlobe, and smiles wickedly when she shudders above him. he always loves it when he know that he could only ruin her. 

“y-yes, daddy.” the woman breathes out, hands desperately holding onto his shoulders. she’s driven wild when jisung responds with a moan sounding on her ear, and she suppresses a moan herself when she could feel the straps of her dress sliding off teasingly, courtesy of jisung’s touches. “mmm, i love it when you call me that.” finally, he pats her ass, and gestures her to the empty room two blocks away from their spot. “go on, doll yourself for daddy, and remember, no peeking.” 

he expects her to protest at some point, but he isn’t disappointed when she follows his command instead, gathering her belongings and scurrying her way towards the unoccupied room. jisung stays seated for a bit, stretching his neck from the position he’s been in for quite some time, before he finally stands. he doesn’t even bother to go after her, all his words masked with lies, and approaches the male stripper instead, cashing him with a generous amount of money. “give her the best night she’s ever had. she deserves it.” 

“yes, mister han.” the stripper bows automatically, and jisung nods back in response before finally dismissing himself. he makes his way to changbin, who’s been seated there all this time, and flashes the pendant at his face, smiling proudly. “see? i told you i could do it.” 

changbin could only stare at him with a deadpan expression, and states bluntly, “oh my, i was so turned on, i think my cock is hard.” 

the younger just rolled his eyes at his hyung’s sarcasm, and pockets the pendant. “come on, let’s just give chan the pendant.” he and changbin finally make their leave after that, and jisung doesn’t even think once of the woman all dolled up under his spell. after all, it’s what he’s known for in this crowd of sinners. everybody has a strive to lust for life, but he could only trade life for lust. it’s all he’s ever done since the day he turned 13, and not once did he regret any bit of it. 

[trashcatsnark]

What’s your opinion on Kerry being available to only male V when it’s mentioned in-game that he’s bi (correct me if I’m wrong, I have terrible memory)?? I feel like they should’ve had bi romance options if they were able to implement both gay and straight ones.

Oh anon, oooooh anon. I love you dearly, but you intentionally or not might as well have thrown lit dynamite in my ask box. This discourse has been such a strange beast within this fandom and I have definitely shared some vague thoughts about it before. I’m putting everything under a read more, to help stave off some....harassment or putting it in people’s lives who may not want it. 

 I still remember I was frankly heartbroken and upset when I first learned Kery wasn’t romanceable by female V when the game first officially came out, but before I played it; River and Panam weren’t even really known about, cause they weren’t talked about much in the promo material,  plus Kerry was shown in romance scenes with what looked to be female V. So, if you go back far enough you’ll find me in December cope posting and being the saddest and angriest of beans, because other than Johnny who I knew was likely off the table. He was one of the only characters I wanted to potentially romance. Now, I’m further away from it, have  processed my feelings regarding it and am more rational I believe regarding the issue. 

But, that being said, a large issue of this sort of discourse is that; no matter what anyone says, someone somwhere is upset. I’ve been insulted, blocked, accused of fetishizing gay men, and so much over my opinion regarding this matter. I’m still currently debating if I even wanna tag this, cause the issue almost always brings negativity to my blog and to me. I have very little interest in being berated for this, so we’ll see how I feel after I finish typing this all out. I’m going to try to go through all my issues, my points, my troubles and feelings about the matter. But, at the end of the day, it is merely my opinion. If someone disagrees, fine, just don’t attack people or berate them over pixels in a video game. Just dont. That’s all I ask. Okay, so I’m gonna divide this into talking points and whatever, now. 

Firstly, Kerry is bisexual. Point blank, period. I’ve seen folks try to argue that his wife was like comphet, which if you dont know means that sometimes exclusively homosexual people will try to force themselves into heterosexual relationships because society has conditioned them to believe they have to be straight. While, I’m not negating the fact that this happens, as a bisexual/pansexual (I use the terms interchangeably to define my experience and feelings)  person I’ve struggled with it when making sense of my attraction to women. It genuinely is something that happens. This is not the case for Kerry; he doesn’t ever hide his attraction to men, between TTRPG lore and the video game he has had two wives , and he is stated by game developers and TTRPG creator to be bisexual.He is bisexual. Getting that out there, saying other wise, in my opinion is a level of bi erasure. That being said, I do still have my grievances with how the game chose to handle his bisexuality and bisexuality as whole, also imo, the game generally doesn’t seem...to treat players who are attracted to men well… 

But before I get into that, I wanna make clear, I feel like Cyberpunk 2077 should have had more romance options for every orientation. If you’re not going to create a player-sexual style of romance; ie where every romanceable character is attracted to the player regardless and wish to focus on each character having their own predetermined sexuality; only have one character for each sexuality is kind of bullshit. If you’re a lesbian player and you’re not into Judy, you get nothing, except a fuck around with Meredith (who I will get to later). You’re a straight woman, but not into River, shit out of luck. You’re a gay man who’s not into Kerry, sucks to suck bud. You’re a straight man who’s not into Panam (kind dont get how you wouldn’t be but who am i to judge), well, you can fuck Meredith… so woooo. Oh also, if you’re not attracted to women, you will still be forced to watch in first person pov a sex scene with Alt and if you want Johnny to like you, you gotta date a girl. Also, all the male love interests will be sidelined mostly…. Hooray… But I digress, either go in with all romance options bi/pan/player sexual, or give more options for romance. Cause now you have the issue of people not getting the partner they hoped for and not liking their only option. Now, you got people trying to make the Judy  bi, which is lesbian erasure and lesbophobic, along with people saying Kerry isn’t bi and can’t be with women which is bi erasure and biphobic. Whereas, if you had just gone in from the get go with either more options or a player-sexual romance system; we wouldn’t be here, CDPR. 

Okay, so next thing, now that I’ve addressed my issues with the entire romance system and that yes, Kerry is bi. Should Kerry have been able to be romanced as female V? Yes and no. Which sounds vague, but I’m going somewhere. With the current set up of it; Kerry being romanceable to a female V would have unfairly given female players an additional love interest over male players. Female V would have the option of Judy, River, or Kerry. And Male V’s would have the option of Kerry or Panam. That’s not fair. I get that, inherently. CDPR painted themselves into a corner, by only letting there be two romances for “each” gender, one for “each” sexuality, and then using a canonically bi character for one of them. They played themselves, they were either gonna have to give an unfair amount of love interest to one side of their gender system or make a bi character who will only pursue one gender. So, they went for the latter. 

Now, some people feel thats fine, because Kerry having a gender preference is fine and its okay for bi people to lean a certain way in regards to gender and its okay for them to not be attracted to people. And that is true. I am a bisexual woman who leans a little more towards men, I get that. However, I have only been given one reason for Kerry’s preference for male V over female V. And it was by a developer of the game who stated that Kerry pursues Male V and not Female V because Male V reminds him more of Johnny… And I hate that. I personally, hate it so deeply, because to me it does a complete disservice to Kerry and V’s relationship and Kerry’s arc. Because even with female V you see him being preoccupied with Johnny and V’s connection to Johnny, then you see him move past that. So, to then state, its still a deciding factor in him romancing V is so wrong to me. Like why???? Why would you do that to people who like Kerry??? Why would you put that in their heads, that Kerry on some level, subconsciously or not, was thinking about Johnny when he decides to romance V. Cause that’s not in the game, in the game you get the vibe he’s moving on past Johnny, like he’s growing, developing, genuinely likes V. But that stupid tweet, just radiates rancid vibes, whyyy???  

And then, outside of that nasty tweet, I have to ask what other reason is there for why he prefers male V over fem V.  They’re...the same characters essentially, just with different pronouns and body type. They also can look like whatever you want; they’re completely customizable. So, Its based off of what the game associates with  gender characteristics and nothing else, meaning, his attraction is rooted solely in their gender and he turns down fem V by virtue of them being a woman and nothing else. Which, yeah, bisexual/pansexual people have preferences but when that preference completely excludes a gender based on nothing but gender…. Uhh????? See my issue???? 

And I’ve seen people saying, well, its better than CDPR playing into slutty will date anybody bisexual stereotypes. But, the thing is...THEY STILL DO THAT which is what drives me up the god damn wall; they managed to do slutty bi stereotypes and I don’t even get kiss the boy, which again, I get the need for fairness but wow, just wow. And lemme explain. 

Meredith is the only character, other than joytoys, whom you can have sex with regardless of gender, body type, etc. She is the only character who shows that she is attracted to V on some level regardless of gender. 

She is a one night stand. Her sex animations are the same as joytoys. She treated like a promiscuous love phobic woman.  And having characters like that is fine, my own V is promiscuous and love phobic. But, we can acknowledge that in a video game by a AAA game company having the only character who is at least physically attracted to the player no matter what, be nothing but sex fodder...isn’t great bi representation, right? 

Oh, and Kerry himself still is a promiscuous bisexual man, he just won’t romance female V because apparently, according to a dev, they don’t remind him of Johnny enough. AND THATS THE DEVS WORDS, NOT MINE, I HATE THAT. Like, Kerry is shown to have people’s lingerie around his house. He’s stated by Johnny to be someone who fucks around. He gets a blowjob from a man in a stairwell. 

The two most blatantly canonically bi character in this game are promiscuous; one wont romance V at all and just wants sex, the other will only romance a male V because at worse, he’s comparing them mentally subconsciously to his dead friend and at best….because….reasons…. Literally, from what I understand for Kerry to romance V, they have to have the “male” body type and “male” voice. Meaning, fem V could literally by all appearances look like masc V, body type wise, but because she uses female pronouns and has a feminine sounding voice...no… the stars say no… 

In my honest opinion, it is bad bisexual representation and a not so well thought out romance system for a game. 

But, that being said, I literally never romance anyone, because I’m a Johnny simp. So, the fuck do I know.

oh god do i tag this.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Pan? Polysexual sounds better now

Back to guys, gay girls, nonbinaries, pan, bi, gender-fluid, and queer people.

I might have to take a recap on matches who are trans for right now,

I still have a lot to learn about what my true identity is for right now.

Because I really can't stick to just one label...

Aye, that's just me. And dating apps are starting to feel like a job, there's too many people matching with me and trying to remember names is getting a lot to handle when you're on 3 different apps and about 20 conversations going at the same time. And still 99 people waiting on you to swipe right on them, on each one. And plus I'm not as picky about looks as I was before, so I'm mostly reading just bios, analyzing photos to see what could be their interests in, and making sure I'm not being too passive on red flags when people talk to you.

I will admit, I still swipe right on them if they're trans and I'm attracted to them. I just know me, I'd rather date someone who was fully transitioned or somebody who is still on the nonbinary, before part. Only because I know me.

I had to watch someone I had already grown into getting to know and getting attached to, and then when I finally got comfortable with them for over a yr, they changed that drastically during those 3months we were separate and I had no idea about it.....I'm not sure if I could watch it happen before my eyes. Cause then I would have to miss the way they were before, because of my attraction to their naturally mixed feminine/masculine looking features and actions. So, ideally I wouldn't have changed anything about them.

I don't wanna grow attached to a voice or a face or a body that will no longer be there tomorrow. I know that person before is still in there, but it's different when you're romantically attracted to them, been intimate with them vs when you're just a friend. My experience shocked and scared my paranoia and fear of change. I remember crying when my dad started growing white and grey hairs in his beard. Cause I never want my dad to change, cause I've grown up with him being this strong man that always was there for me, held me, made me feel safe, calmed me down when I had my moments, and tucked me in when I wanted to feel comfortable. He showed me that he always loved me, always cared about me, and that he was never gonna leave me. As if he's never gonna die during my time on this earth. Seeing his greyishly, white hairs, I thought death and that my daddy will soon no longer be the fun, happy, strong dad that I've always been with as his princess. And that's kind of what vibe this particular person was to me, even though they weren't as smart, strong, or always there for me....cause most of the time my nights alone cause they couldn't or didn't know I needed them to be there fo r me like that to feel loved or just to feel wanted. Cause I couldn't speak up.

But now, that they has turned into a he. I feel like its brutally denying me to chance to not only say goodbye to them as they, but I would have to get reacquainted to HE, with a totally different name, maybe different personality, maybe different sexuality, and I won't know if I like the new evolved version of this person. The fear of the unknown is high for me. Especially when there's a 40% rate of fems that decided to change their sexual orientation after taking testosterone. I 'm possessive about my partners and I would hate to know that after seeing this person physically change and go through so much emotional/mental changes that one day they decide "Hey, I think I like men now, I wanna give this a shot. Could we make this work?"

I would tell Him, to go right ahead and go on a date with that coworker or guy on Tinder/Grinder. But I'm not gonna be here when you come home. Because to me that's some bullshit. And I've known this person well enough to know, that they don't mind using other people to meet their sexual needs that I can't possibly give them due to my actual gender and my body as such. I wouldn't want to share my partner, nor watch them get fucked by another man...because I'm not a man, im a woman...theres a huuuuuugggeeee difference.

And if it ever came to that point 3 yrs later and He became someone I didn't know anymore, because of the hormones changing how they feel as a man, dysphoria gone....I get it, you've hated yourself for years and now you're happy in the dream body you always asked for. But, I would be scared to lose you, to whoever else you decide to open up to in your selections. Cause you're that type to leave to please you and not make it work. I don't want somebody who changes their mind all the time about who they wanna be, who else do they wanna smash, and who else they can flirt with. That's cheater mentality.

And I'm sorry trans community that I'm basing my recent experience with someone as the example for the rest of you. Because I know there are some ftm's who've already changed and stayed with their partners. I just don't know if I could trust this process, knowing the effects, the research on whether or not they become completely detached to women or become bisexual... I can't.

And I'm thankful for the ftm's that have been posting youtube videos and tiktoks for viewers like me who are curious about the possible cons, and physical or emotional changes they've overcome. I was shocked the first time I ever watched a bandaged ftm, who finally unrevealed their scars from top surgery. I've always been preparing myself for this. Because I knew one day, that this cute, fluffy, soft skinned, white latino looking, but really just mixed mocha, nonbinary person was gonna be...changed over a year or so. I thought I could prepare for it, so that when it does happen it doesn't hurt as much to watch to them in pain if the bleeding from the scars are irritating them or if one day they're super cranky and obnoxious for what seems to be no reason. Or if one day they end up feeling they dont need anybody like Zanthos, with the 4 avenger rings lol.

But I'm too damn fucking sensitive. I was born this way. I've always prepared myself with the worst and the best information, that way when it does happen, the tidal wave of emotions from the reaction, doesn't end up torching my soul or blowing me out the water. Cause I am gay. I adore women, men, and when I met this person I loved them as an in-betweener as nonbinary. They are so brutally harsh, twisted, manipulative, jealous, and possesive. But I've always liked that they had these emotions inside of them that they hold back because they don't wanna seem so soft, always hiding this feminine quality about them because ideally, they're pretty looking, gorgeous eyes that can turn black cold like obsidian, and those fucking cheeks and cat nose. I've only seen the slight hips, but I didn't mind it. And they've always hid their body away even when we would try to have sex. I knew the dysphoria was there, cause again I prepared myself to be patient and kind.

So, I'm glad they're turning a new leaf to make themselves feel more confident about being recognized in society as a full, grown ass man. I'm pretty sure HE, is gonna get cocky af, cause that's just the way he was when they were they.

I know it's selfish of me to say, but I'm afraid of what will happen down the line years later. But that's just me being afraid. If He ends up not liking me anymore, I know it won't be the end of the world and I walked away at the right time when I did. Because this person is currently separated from me, and I'm still insecure about that part too. Not knowing how they are during this transition for what may become years or not...I hope HE is doing okay and not piercing everyone with their new, world domination, ego.

I just don't wanna imagine them get fucked by a guy....sorry that's just me. And will their buttery ass kisses, still be as sweet anymore?

Will I be ok with HE having chest hair?

Will I love the sound of their new voice or will I just hate it, while still missing the old, brodie, sexy, slightly feminine voice?

Especially when they used to go all soft and cuddly on me over the phone, it was soooo cuteeee. I miss our phone and text conversations.

Will they grow into another relationship with somebody else because they started to become unattached and unattracted to my body, my tits, my hips, my vagina even....just because they completely changed their identity?

And I still a woman? I've only thought about wearing a binder a couple of times, and yes, I do watch ftm and trans porn because I did like the fantasy of being intimate with someone who had a bigger clit size or just having a big clit of my own that felt like a dick.

I'm willing to admit that. Because let's be honest, boys get away with so much more shit as a male, compared to us females.

I wish I could grow a dick overnight and nobody not know I'm still a chick! Lol, but I still don't like the all over hair body growth and I still want my vagina back. Like a rental suit with an actual dick and no tits. Those are the onllyyyyyyyyy things I've thought about, but would never admit out loud. Only because I still like my body and my gender identity as is. I feel like the blue girl from X-Men could get away with it, cause she can be anybody she wants to and go back to being herself at the end of the day. And still camouflage behind walls. Lucky chick. Especially if she could teleport, oh he'll yeah.

It's gonna take me awhile to get over this, so please be patient with me. As I'm trying not to cry as I watch my ftm porn get fucked by a guy. Cause I used to be heavy into it, now I feel wrong for watching it and then I'm reminded "40% chance, you're watching it" 😞🤮😫

[werevulvi]

What incited you to become a MRA, what did you learn from it (good neutral or bad) and what got you to wake up and finally cease to be one?

This became a really long-winded answer, because I’ve apparently a lot of thoughts/feelings about this, which I probably haven’t really gone over with myself before. But here’s my rant: Well, before I became an MRA, my opinions on sexism and feminism were pretty much only "gender equality would be good of course" and I did not think women necessarily had it worse than men, but I noticed there was some obvious injustices in both directions. So I was in a position that could very easily be swayed in either the feminist or MRA direction.

What led me down the MRA direction (at that time, roughly year 2016-2017) was discovering MOGAI/tucute microlabels (like noun genders, neo pronouns, stuff like pansexual, demisexual, etc) on tumblr and vehemently disliking it. I had truscum opinions without knowing it back then. Meaning I was pretty certain there are only 2 genders based on 2 sexes, being trans was a medical condition, and everything else was bullshit, pretty much. And so, discovering my "opposition" online (which I previously didn't know existed) led me to consume a lot of basically "anti-SJW" content.

And as you may or may not know, most "anti-SJW's" on youtube at that time were anti-feminists, MRA's and MGTOW's. So I was informed of those opinions without having directly searched for them. It just kinda came with the territory. I watched a lot "Sargon of Akkad", "Bearing", "Dr. Randomercam", "ShoeOnHead", "Undoomed", "Prince of Queens" (rest in peace), etc. Most of them were not self-declared MRA's, but their opinions kinda moved in that sorta general direction.

Back then I was very strongly identifying as a man and grasped at anything to validate my male identity and mitigate my dysphoria. Kissing men's asses became my method of basically trying to buy my way into manhood. I idolised men, worshipped them even. I didn't need to be convinced that men face discrimination on the basis of their sex too, because I already knew that, but learning about the suicide rates, falsely accused rapes, etc, was extra compelling. I've not talked about this at great lengths before, but I've actually been falsely accused of rape myself once, by someone who mistook me for being a cis man (luckily it didn't lead to anything), I've been laughed at by men for admitting to being a sexual abuse survivor as they assumed I'm male too, and I've been harrassed much worse for appearing as a gnc man than I ever was for appearing as a gnc woman. This I concluded as forms of misandry (and I still do.)

(I wanna squeeze in somewhere around here, that my transition gave a fairly interesting view on gender, as sorta being able to see how both men and women have it "from the inside" so to say, as I've been treated differently as a man post-transition vs as a woman pre-transition. This experience has influenced my views on gender and sexism pretty heavily. My own experiences of essentially both misogyny and misandry.)

My own experiences with misandry of course served as fuel for my becoming MRA opinions. And then eventually I found the website "A voice for men" and the documentary movie "The Red Pill" and after that I was a self-declaired MRA... for a while.

Until came my detransition, mid 2018. This changed my views on gender drastically. Both gender in regards to identity vs sex, and gender in regards to oppression vs privilege. In my early detransing, I was approached by a few radfems on youtube, and curious as I am, decided to look into it. I was back and forth between MRA and radical feminism for a while, while I was learning as much as my constantly overworked, autistic brain would allow me, and about 6 months later I had come to the conclusion that I do agree with majority of radfem and it's basis, but still sorta cared about men's rights on the side (for example still supporting their safety being gnc, their mental health, etc) but no longer considering myself an MRA per se.

During those 6 months I did also start seeing that a lot of what the MRA's spout is misogynistic, and they are factually incorrect about men being more oppressed than women. However, after a couple of years taking a deep dive into radfem, I realised that as an ideology it's almost equally flawed as MRA, and in rather similar ways even. So I ditched that too. Although I still consider myself somewhat gender critical (bio sex is still important and real, and so is critical thinking) as well as still totally for female rights (basically sex-based feminism) but not in the rigid way radfem is. I dunno its conclusions are rather fucked sometimes, and sometimes a little delusional. I'm not a fan of equity, communism or collectivism, which I later on noticed runs pretty heavy through radfem. I'd say I'm more of a gender critical libfem who supports men's rights as well, nowadays.

I've been through so many different ideologies by now, that I feel like at core they're all kinda the same shit. They're all flawed. I'd rather just have whatever opinions I think is right/good/logical regardless of which ideology that opinion comes from. I don't wanna fight or debate. I only care for peaceful, actually meaningful discussions. I'm done with being part of hiveminds by now. I need to prioritise living my life, having fun, learning to be functional, petting cats, going swimming, having a lot of sex, transitioning, and finding my own happiness. Not politics. I've never been the activist type, and I think I just got drawn into it because of guilt. Because people started saying "if you're not a feminist, you're a bad person" and at first I rebelled, but then I fell for it. Now I'm just dropping my battle axe altogether. Because no ideology can ever determine whether some one is a good or bad person. I've learned now that having the "right" opinions is not what matters.

What I learned from being an MRA... that men are not evil. That they are human with a full range of emotions, a need for vulnerability, sometimes victims of awful crimes, sometimes traumatised, etc. I learned that my fear of men (due to my own trauma) is not rational and should not dictate how I judge male strangers. I also learned that some men are never gonna return that same empathy and respect to me as I offer them, because I'm bio female. Those are not the same men, and they should not be treated in the same way. I learned that in many ways I'm surprisingly not that different from men, but that I'll also never truly know what it's like to be bio male or grow up as a boy, but that's okay. Although, living as a man probably taught me more about men, than being an MRA did. It more so solidified what I had already found out to be true.

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends — Part 5

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4

5. LA, still.

The first thing Sofia asked after greeting everyone was where was his baby Dodger.

“Oh, he's running around in the backyard. Wanna meet him?” Chris asked her, still arm around her shoulders.

“Are you kidding? yes.” She said with an enthusiasm that makes Chris smile bigger, he likes it when they love Dodger.

Specially likes how she loves his dog.

Chris showed her the backyard, sliding a gigantic glass door open and the rescued big puppy come running.

“Dodger!” Sofía kneeled on the grass and the dog went straight running to her and started licking her face as she pets him and kissed him all over. “Oh my God!, he's so pretty!” Sofía screamed back at Chris making him let out a laugh as he sat down in the grass beside her.

“He is.” He agreed as she kept scratching his ears, Dodger had made his way into her lap and was sitting there, like a lap dog.

“I love you, Dodger.” She said hugging the dog and buried her face on his fur, with a smile she let him go do his thing and Chris was looking at her with a wide smile, heart fluttering and he had that weird ringing on his ears when his anxiety picked a little.

“Oh man, I can't believe I just meet him.” She said with a pout but a smile tugging her lips. “I miss my dog.” Sofía mumble feeling her throat constrict but the sudden emotion, she took a deep breath and push it all down.

Chris noted that, making him sigh at how Sofia never let any sudden emotion take hold of her, in all this time he had never seen her shed a tear for anything. It was a little frustrating, he had seen her mad, pissy, quiet, and really happy but he had never seen her sad and crying.

It's not like he wants her to be sad, no. He just wants to be there for her and for Sofia to know she had someone, besides Amanda, to lean on.

Chris justs wanted to her to open up.

“I'm hungry, let's eat something and watch that game of yours.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“So, you're Chris's friend?” Brad, one of LA Chris's friends asked sneaking up on the kitchen where Sofia was in pizza duty while they watched the game (which she couldn't care less).

“Yeah, I am. You're Chris's friend?” She asked not falling for the bullshit he was about to spill, she didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know where this guy was going with asking that question.

Brad let out a laugh and walk up the few steps that separated them, Sofia didn't even acknowledge him as she put the pizza the oven to warm for a little bit.

“You need something?” She asked crossing her arms and laid her hip on the counter.

“Um, maybe but I just want to check if you and Chris are fucking so I can ask you out.”

Sofía’s brow went up as he spoke and let out a laugh of surprise.

“That's forward,”

“I don't like playing games,” Brad's and licking his lips and Sofia considered, he was kind of hot… he had that frat boy douchebag thing going on. He was tall, not as tall as Chris. Brunette and hazel eyes… She would totally one night stand a guy like him.

“So…?”

“So, what?”

“Are you guys fucking?”

“I'm going to say no otherwise, you shouldn't bother man.” She smiled up at him, taking the pizza out of the oven.

“You don't want to go out with me?” Brad asked he was kind of surprised. Apparently, girls didn't say no to him.

“Nope.”

“So you're fucking Chris then?” Brad asked, thinking that this would be the only good reason.

Sofia stared at him because she was in no mood to explain why she didn't want to go out with him.

“I don't understand how that had something to do with you asking me out?” She asked looking back at the counter and grabbed the pizza to walk back.

“I'm trying to know if you're off-limits.”

“Off-limits.” She laughed and shake her head. “I already said no, consider that off-limits.”

She walked off with the pizza in hand and put it on the coffee table in front of the TV.

“Man, I like your friend she brought us pizza.” One of the other guys said and Sofia let out a laugh. Chris laughed and grabbed Sofia and put his arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah, she's awesome.”

Chris ended up wrapping his arms around Sofia from behind and watching the game just like that. She kept whispering about how much Tom Brady was an asshole and how she would definitely fuck Julien enderman because he had a nice ass.

“I kind of see the appealing… a little.” She confesses in the midtime drinking a few beers.

“Now you like it? it's because of the hot guys?”

“Of course, why wouldn't you started there in the first place?” She told him with a wide smile and Chris shale his head with a smile.

“You had no idea how happy I am that this beer is going to be here,” Chris said with a smile enjoying the last of the six-pack Sofia had bought her.

The game had ended almost half an hour back and slowly but steady everyone leaves, leaving those two enjoying each other's company in the backyard, feeling the lukewarm air and the amazing view Chris had from his backyard.

“I'm happy that you're happy, should I talk with Ron and tell him that Captain America wants to sponsor them in exchange for a lifetime supply of beer?” She asked, kind of joking kind of not.

Chris looked at her, considering the offer.

“Will he accept?”

“His eleven-year-old is a fan of the Avengers. He's in the loop, so yeah. I would like to think so.”

“Okay then,” He laughed and Sofia took a swig of her Stella artroia. “Can you arrange it?”

“Of course.” She said and make him a face. “I feel like I should thank you.”

“Why?”

“I probably just got a raise, maybe a promotion.” She laughed. “Ron is gonna shit his pants.”

“He didn't know?” He asked. “About us, I mean that we're friends.”

“Nope,” Sofía said looking at the empty bottle. “I'm not that kind of person, I'm not your friend because you make movies. I'm not looking for something—” She said looking at him, feeling a little guilty about the whole sponsor thing. “Chris, you don't have to do anything, seriously. I'll still get you free beer. I wasn't setting you up, you know that, don't you?”

“Hon, it never crossed my mind. I know the kind of girl you are, Sof.” Chris said reaching up and grabbed her hand, he entwined his fingers with hers and kiss her knuckles.

“The phrase ‘kind of girl’ always makes me think about sexual things.” She teased as Chris smiled against her hand, his lips lingering there.

“Mmm… now, do I .” He said and Sofia let out a chuckle. Caressing his soft beard with the tip of his fingers.

“I'm probably that kind of girl.” She laughed. “Now that I think about, I'm the kind of girl that girls say… I'm not that kind of girl.”

“And what exactly that girl is?” Chris asked, brow raised.

“That's down to fuck, do casual sex. All that shit, you know.” She explained letting go of his hand and laid down on the grass and her arms behind her head.

“And?” Chris asked, looking down at her body. How her hoodie and shirt underneath, she laughed. “That's not a problem, Sofia. You're entitled to enjoy your sexuality.” He added taking his eyes off her for a second and smiled looking at the hills for a second.

“Well, thanks, Captain.” She said stretching her arms, with a suggestive smile.

“What's that?” Chris said after a very known deep blue shirt popped underneath her hoodie. Sofia laughed as she lifted the hoodie on. “Oh my, take it off. Take it off!” Chris reached out and started to pull out her hoodie with a smile on his lips when he saw the Patriots logo.

“It supposed to be surprised, I kind of forget about it.” She laughed pulling her hoodie off her and Chris gasped putting a hand over his crotch. Making her laugh even harder.

“How could you forget this surprise,” He said looking for his phone on his pockets. “Hold still, baby girl. I need photographic proof that this is happening.”

She laid back on the grass, putting one arm behind her head and blow a kiss to the camera. It was a silly cute photo, the thing that Chris wouldn't know if that he will come to cry looking at this in just some time.

“Imma put this as my lock screen,” He said lying down next to her and show her the picture. “Look how fucking cute you look with my Patriots shirt.”

The action was interrupted by an incoming call that someone he was avoiding at the moment.

“Isn't that you girl-ex?” Sofi asked peaking at the phone. Chris sighed and nodded, sending the call to voice mail.

“Mmm yes.” He said putting the phone away and stayed quiet, Sofia was staring at him.

“Do I have to ask?” she raised an eyebrow at him.

“I was at an event, she was there… I was feeling lonely and you know.”

“Oh, you regretted now?”

“Yes, I don't—we're not good for each other.” He said and gave her a wide smile. “But I'm used to her,”

“Like an old habit,” Sofía said.

“Yes.”

“You need a new habit.” She shrugged like it was an easily fixable thing. “There's plenty of women, especially for you.”

“It's not easy for me to date anyone, I can't trust someone that easily.” He said, a little upset. “Some of them had ulterior motives.”

“Shit… I couldn't ever sell someone like that, much less someone I care about.” She said with a frown.

“I know,” He nodded. “I know that we are known for almost a year, but I trust you.” He smiled at her and Sofía smiled back and bite her bottom lip.

“That means a lot to me,” Sofía beamed and Chris laughed, she was endearing and Chris's stomach tighten.

Without much thought, in her semi-drunken state, she leans over and presses a firm kiss in Chris's mouth. He was taken back for a moment but he'd grip her waist and pull her close.

~~~

There we go!

Thanks everyone! ❤️❤️❤️

Taglist. Please let me know if you want to be tagged!

@letsdothemonstermash

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

[spaceskam]

wars are made and somehow that is wisdom

for day 4 of @alterarnm : 1900s! special thanks to @christchex who gave me the idea of a reporter going undercover to expose one of the multiple batshit things that got exposed back then. Instead of factories, I went with the Vietnam war. That being said, this is a heavy one 

warning: ptsd, panic attacks, dissociation, sexual content, mentions of conversion therapy, etc

ao3

Michael Guerin looked at himself in the mirror while trying to decide if what’d he’d done was the right thing.

It was no secret that the media was peddling false stories about how well the US  was doing. He’d seen multiple articles about how they were winning. But if they were winning, where was the proof? Why wouldn’t any soldiers talk? Michael was determined to expose them for their lies and what better way to do that than to seduce a Captain?

The night before, he’d dressed up nice and nosed his way into a bar full of military men. He’d heard it was where former Air Force captain, Alexander Manes, spent his free time after getting honorable discharged in the heat of the Vietnam war. He’d been sent home six months prior and had refused to speak about his point of view of what it was like over there. So Michael’s plan was to find out exactly what he knew.

There were rumors about Captain Manes. Nothing confirmed, but a little research led him to men who refused to speak about their time with him and also a summer in 1958, when he was simply 17, that he’d gone somewhere undisclosed. A little more research suggested conversion therapy. Michael knew damn well that didn’t work.

“Hello, Captain,” Michael had said as he sidled up to him at the bar. He’d dressed right, he thought‒not queer enough that any fuck head might notice, but queer enough that his interested party would notice. Alexander Manes was that specific party. 

It wasn’t that easy though.

The captain didn’t give his attention away for free. It was something that really required effort, but Michael had come prepared. This was his job. His mission was the expose the military for the lies they were telling the American people. He wasn’t going to just give up because he took some prodding.

“Bartender!” Michael called after a few minutes of failed, one-sided conversation, “Get the captain a drink on me.”

Captain Alexander tilted his head just a little bit towards Michael and he saw his way in. He leaned a little closer, only close enough that a man with a little too much in his system might, and smiled. He hadn’t had a single thing to drink and he planned to stay absolutely sober, but the captain didn’t need to know that.

“It’s to thank you for your service,” Michael told him. Captain Alexander took a sip and breathed a slow, steady breath. Michael didn’t move away.

“What do you think my service was, exactly?” he asked, his voice a lot warmer than Michael expected. His shoulders squared a little more and he recalibrated his mind to that voice.

“Well, you played a part in why our country is winning this war, Captain,” Michael told him. He smirked and shook his head, taking another sip. That felt like such an easy admission from a man who refused to speak. Would it really be that easy to get him to admit that was bullshit?

“What do you want from me?” he asked, turning to Michael with a kindling fire in his eyes. It reminded Michael of the many times in his life that he’d felt that same thing. The desire to pick a fight to fuel that fire, to make him feel something again. “Are you one of those reporters? Do you think you’re the one who’s going to get me to speak? I’ve been home for less than a year and you want me to speak about it with a stranger? There are no winners and losers in the war, man, we all get fucked. Quote that in your little article.”

Michael licked his lips and smiled. The best thing about being an undercover reporter is that he was really fucking good at it. Besides, he actually did find the captain attractive. It wouldn’t hurt him to weasel out secrets from the comfort of his bed.

“I’m not a reporter. But, if I was, that’d be a good quote,” Michael said calmly, knowing that the first step to being suspicious was to get defensive. He pushed the drink closer to the captain. He spoke a little softer and a little closer, “Maybe my goal is simply to have my way with a drunken war hero.” 

Captain Alexander Manes stared at him, clearly skeptical. Michael just kept smiling at him and let him look him up and down. Yes, nothing about that hurt.

“How do I know you’re not a cop?” he wondered. Michael bit his bottom lip and looked around. There were too many people with judgemental eyes for him to do anything he wanted. Too many old men with war stories he didn’t really care about. He just cared about this man’s war stories.

“I could prove it to you, just not here,” Michael told him softly. The captain clenched his jaw and gave a small nod. He didn’t smile, but Michael made up for it. “Let me buy you another drink, Captain.”

“Okay,” he agreed, “Call me Alex.”

Michael felt triumphant and flagged the bartender down to get him another drink. Alex was indeed hard to soften up, but Michael saw all the signs leading that way and he had no intention of stopping. Hell, if he had to come here every night for the next year to talk to him, he would. This was important.

“You’re beautiful,” Michael told him in confidence once the bar was half empty and no one was close enough to hear. Alex shook his head with the first smile of the night. It was so small but Michael saw it and he was taking it with pride. It felt even bigger when Alex hid it with his drink.

“You know I lost my leg, right? How’s that for beautiful?” Alex told him. Michael rolled his eyes and wished he could lean even closer. He was as close as he could get right now, though.

“What does that have to do with anything? I’m sure that part of you is beautiful too,” Michael told him. Alex shook his head again.

“I’m not drunk enough for this.”

“What’s this?”

“For you,” Alex corrected. Michael pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and let his eyes linger on Alex’s lips. That wasn’t even the reporter in him, that was simply the man.

“Why? What about me requires alcohol?” Michael asked sweetly. Alex took another sip and sighed.

“Everything,” Alex breathed. Michael smiled earnestly and bumped his elbow into Alex’s. It earned him another smile. 

“Keep talking. I like hearing you speak about me, Alex,” he prodded. Alex huffed a laugh and Michael almost fell out of his chair.

“I swear, you are the least subtle man I’ve ever met. How do you do that?” he asked. Michael shrugged a shoulder.

“People see you kiss one woman and then they think you’re okay and stop questioning you. I can be as bold as I want most of the time,” he said. Alex eyed him all over again and Michael felt the need to quickly explain himself. “I do like women, but I enjoy my fair share of men as well.”

“And… I’m one of those men?” Alex asked. Michael grinned.

“Who’s the bold one now?”

He laughed softly, but honestly as he took the last sip of his drink before pushing the glass away. “Still you.”

“Yes,” Michael answered confidently, “In fact, you might be the perfect man.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“I don’t understand what you get out of this.”

“You, hopefully,” Michael told him. He again shook his head.

“Why would you want that?” Alex laughed. Michael looked around for a moment and then moved in closer, probably a little too close considering they were in a Veteran’s bar, but he didn’t care.

“Because I’m a man who knows what I want,” he breathed, pushing it one step further by pressing his lips behind the Airman’s ear. Chills rose to his skin and he felt him stop breathing. “And I want you. No ulterior motive needed.”

“Okay,” Alex breathed, looking his way after Michael reluctantly put space between them. His skin was warm and Michael was beginning to think less and less with his reporter brain and more and more with his hopelessly attracted brain. Why couldn’t he have been ugly? It’d make it so much easier. “Okay.”

“Come home with me, I can’t touch you here,” Michael told him softly. Alex nodded, seemingly just as interested as Michael felt.

Michael paid for them both and tried not to let it hurt his pockets as he began to lead him a few blocks away to where he lived. They walked slow, Alex leaning heavily on his cane, and yet it never seemed to crush the fact that he wanted to get his hands on him. The time it took only seemed to make him even more excited. Which was bad because he needed to keep a clear head.

He considered asking if Alex was okay with all the walking, but decided he was a grown ass man and would’ve said something if it was too much. Besides, they needed to get to Michael’s apartment so he could record their conversation so he could better write the article whenever he got Alex to open up about what was really going on overseas. 

Because he would get Alex to open up about that.

Whenever they got into Michael’s small loft, Alex looked around with a hidden little smile before he looked back to Michael.

“I should’ve known.”

“Should’ve known what?”

“You’re a starving artist, hippie type. It explains the interest in me,” Alex said. Michael tilted his head in amusement, but didn’t try to deny the assumption. He wasn’t that wrong. Just, his paintings were for fun. His passion was writing. 

“Does it now?” Michael asked as he shrugged off his jacket.

“Never met an anti-war hippie that didn’t wanna pick my brain,” he said boldly. Behind closed doors, he seemed to shine. Michael didn’t even know how to handle that. 

“You got me, I wanna pick your brain,” Michael said, grabbing the collar of his shirt. Alex smiled and watched him as he pulled it over his head. He gave him a second to look him up and down. “But first I wanna get my hands on you.”

“What are you waiting for?”

Michael shook his head with a laugh and moved forward, grabbing Alex by the hips as he moved in for a kiss. The cane clattered to the floor as Alex moved his hands to his hair and kissed back like this was the first taste of water in a long drought. Honestly, it probably was.

He pulled Alex flush against him, trying not to get too attached to the way he pulled his hair or dug his nails into his back like he needed to remind himself that this was real. Michael mindlessly groaned as Alex palmed him over his jeans, the sound earning a filthy smile that broke the kiss.

“I gotta say, you are quite the surprise, Captain,” Michael breathed, his jaw dropping in silent praise soon after as Alex grabbed him. “And you said I’m the bold one.”

“Listen, it’s been a long time, is all. I can be bold when I want,” Alex promised him, leaning to kiss on his jaw and his neck. Somehow‒though not much of a surprise, honestly‒every logical, reporter part of his brain melted and all that filled his mind was Alex. “It’s easy when I know what you want.”

“Uh-huh,” Michael breathed, tilting his head so Alex had more skin to work with. He moaned louder as Alex softly bit his neck and soothed the skin with his tongue. Suddenly his back hit the door and Alex pressed against him in the best way. For a man who hadn’t gotten his fix in a while, he sure as hell knew how to get it.

“So tell me what you want,” Alex instructed, moving his hand to slowly slide past the waistband of his jeans. Michael gasped as cold fingertips drifted over his hip and strategically down to his inner thigh. It pushed him onto his toes, desperate for more contact. This wasn’t exactly how he expected tonight to go and yet here he was.

“You,” Michael said, voice boarding on begging. He felt Alex smile and his hand carefully closed around his cock. 

“Who?”

“You. I want you.”

 Alex moved agonizingly slow and seemed to enjoy torturing him which, honestly, made sense. Why not torture the starving artist, right? Plus, the longer it lasted, the more time he had to clear his head enough to actually pick his brain when the time came.

“Say it again,” Alex breathed. 

“I want you.”

Alex removed his hand before he had the chance to speed up and took a step away, leaving Michael feeling cold and confused. When he opened his eyes, he saw Alex just marveling at him which was… a lot. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Alex told him, voice honest and genuine. Michael’s skin felt hot all over, furrowing his eyebrows. This man was a goddamn mystery. He’d expected a hard ass, he expected a quick fuck, he expected a lot of things. And yet here Alex was. He watched as he took his shirt off, revealing an anchor tattooed on his side that clashed with his Airman status. The regular scars on his slim body, however, proved that just fine. “You want me? Take me.”

Michael moved back into his space, kissing him again. After a nod of approval, Michael grabbed the back of his thighs and lifted him so he could carry him to his bed. It wasn’t far and he dropped them both on it, laying between his legs so he could feel his bare chest against his. God, it’d been way too long since he’d been with a man.

“Hey, hey,” Alex breathed, breaking the kiss. 

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked, pushing onto all fours over him despite the fact his whole body was desperate to keep contact. He couldn’t remember the last time he wanted someone so bad.

“If I take my prosthetic off, will you be okay with that? Or do you want me to keep my jeans on?” Alex wondered, catching his breath and his eyes hazy like it was really taking effort to ask instead of just going all in right then. 

“What? Take it off, of course I’m okay with it,” Michael agreed, getting off of him to let him do just that. Michael watched as he undid his jeans and slid them off carefully, feeling slightly brain dead as somehow even that felt erotic. 

“Why are you staring? Get your jeans off too,” Alex told him.

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” Michael agreed, stumbling to comply. He missed the part where Alex undid the corset around his thigh and removed it. He stood naked as Alex carefully leaned it against the wall and looked up at him.

“You still want me?” Alex asked. 

“You have no idea.”

Michael fell back on the bed and pulled Alex with him, absorbing his carefree laughs with a kiss that quickly deepened into something more.

It was easy with Alex. Despite the fact that this had started by Michael seeing him in the paper and knowing he had to find out the facts even if by going undercover, none of it felt fake or forced. Alex was open and knew just how much of a reaction to give. Then, perhaps more importantly, he knew how to take Michael apart bit by bit until he couldn’t even think straight.

By the time they both finished, Michael laid too blissed out to even remember what his initial plan was. 

“Are you okay?” Alex laughed a few minutes later, using a warm, damp rag to wipe down his chest. Michael didn’t even recall him getting up to get that. 

“I don’t… I don’t understand how you even… What the hell do they teach you in the AirForce?” he breathed. Alex laughed harder which made him smile. That was a nice sound and a sign of comfort. He was comfortable here. Good.

“None of that, I promise,” Alex assured him, leaning down to press a kiss in the middle of his freshly cleaned chest. 

“I just seem to recall you being all closed off and angry just a few hours ago, forgive me if I’m struggling to understand where that came from,” Michael told him, “Not saying I didn’t love it. Because I did.”

“Well,” Alex breathed, getting settled into his side, “I was a lot different before I enlisted. You sort of make me feel like that guy again.”

That woke up his reporter brain again and reminded him that he was dealing with an AirForce Captain who had been wounded in combat that he was supposed to be finding out information from. His job was to find out what the government wasn’t telling them. He was supposed to use this man to expose them.

“Hold that thought, let me use the bathroom real quick,” Michael told him. Alex nodded, kissing his collarbone softly and letting him get up.

Michael headed to his bathroom and quietly locked the door behind him. He slowly, carefully opened the closet door that was in there and moved the stack of towels that hid his recording set up. The microphone had been pretty strategically weaved into the drawer of his bedside table, the wire invisible in the darkness of the room they’d been sleeping in. He pressed record.

He washed his hands to make it seem like he actually did go to the bathroom which forced him to look at himself in the mirror. His hair was a mess and his skin was still damp from both sweat and Alex wiping down his chest. His neck in particular was red and sore, but that was okay.

Michael made his way back to the bed and fell onto it unceremoniously, resting his head on Alex’s bicep. Alex put his other hand on the side of his head and moved to press a kiss to his hair. It was so sweet and intimate that Michael almost felt guilty for recording. Almost. This was bigger than them, though.

“You smell like rain.”

“No sweat and sex? Because I feel like that’s what I smell like,” Michael mused. Alex moved his chin up to kiss his lips.

“That too.”

“So, tell me more about that guy you were before you enlisted,” Michael prodded, poking him gently in the chest. Alex let out a soft laugh and settled into his pillow.

“Guess it’s time for you to pick my brain, huh?” Alex said. Michael kissed his neck and heard him sigh. “Uh, that guy was… Confident, I guess. Super anti-war, hung out with a lot of other outcasts. I was, like, super into rock ‘n roll despite my dad hating it. That whole nightlife, sneaking out, wearing leather, meeting with other people with different sexual interests, questionable dancing, that was my whole scene.”

“Seriously?” Michael asked, trying to imagine him in that kind of setting. He couldn’t picture it. Though, he supposed that explained the tattoo.

“Oh yeah, Link Wray is my king, I tried so hard to play like him when I was young,” Alex told him, smiling wide as he thought about it. Michael smiled right back.

“You play guitar?”

“Yeah,” Alex sighed, staring at the ceiling a little wistfully as he thought about his young years. It reminded Michael of that summer he heard about where Alexander Manes disappeared. Michael slung his leg over Alex’s.

“What happened to make you go from that to enlisting when the war was just amping up?” Michael asked. Alex’s happy smile faded and he stared at the ceiling for a few seconds of silence. Michael rubbed his hand over his stomach a few times at an attempt to soothe what was going on in his mind.

“I just did,” Alex decided instead of telling the truth. Michael understood that. That wasn’t the part he needed to record anyway. “But the first couple years I was going to school at the same time, you know? I decided my best shot at doing anything was becoming an officer. Then the first couple years after that, the USAF wasn’t even on the front lines, you know? Like, it was pretty easy. Nothing really felt real. I mean it was real, but it wasn’t… I don’t know, it was just casual, mainly focused on keeping things under control. Then in ‘65 they decided we should really be more hands-on and then suddenly I was in charge of these boys who had just gotten out of basic in a country I didn’t know, leading them to destroy a whole country’s air defense system.”

“It escalated that fast?” Michael asked. He didn’t remember that being much of public knowledge that they did that. He’d mainly heard about the army on the ground. And even then, they were being told they were winning. Not that they needed to amp up their forces.

“I don’t know if it was that fast or if it just felt like it, but yeah. The next two years were a total blur. They needed me, so I never got to go home in that time. I think I was over there for 27 months straight,” Alex said, his voice kind of hazy. Michael blinked in surprise, shifting to look at him. Alex seemed completely out of it.

“Are they allowed to do that?”

“I had to give the go ahead to the destruction of highways and bridges. Places people who shouldn’t have been involved were. Kids going to school, even. People who were fine and then they weren’t. I had to do that,” Alex went on, voice still out of it. His breathing slowly started to pick up. Michael lifted his head a little to see his eyes, noticing that they were completely unfocused and dilated.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“But they were building their own weaponry, specifically made to be antiaircraft. Surface-to-air missiles. My aircraft got grazed by one, just hit us by a few millimeters of the wing, it still hit us. It still hit us and Vince tried his best, I know he did, he was so good, he was so young.”

“Alex?”

“And it started going down over a forest and Vince was trying to find a safe place to land so we didn’t crash and so no one got hurt. No one was supposed to get hurt, I said no one would get hurt, I said that. I told them. They were all just boys, they were boys.”

Michael sat up completely, confused fear rising in his system. He didn’t know what this was, but Alex didn’t seem to be with him anymore.

“Alex?” he said again, touching his face gently. Except that seemed to make it worse, his eyes going wide and he grabbed Michael’s wrist with a death grip. He twisted it, pinning it to the mattress and forcing him to hit the mattress with it so he didn’t break it. “Alex!”

It was silent for a moment, nothing but heavy breathing as Michael tried his best not to make it worse. This wasn’t really how he expected this to go. But he did know one thing‒he had something perfect to expose the government for lying about what was going on.  If this was what it did to their soldiers in only a few years, imagine what it was doing to the people on the ground who were there for longer? Why was the government acting like this wasn’t happening? Like it wasn’t destroying their soldiers?

Still, Alex’s grip began to loosen until he let go. Michael slowly sat up and turned to face him, avoiding rubbing his aching wrist so he wouldn’t feel guilty. The soldier was blinking rapidly as he seemed to slowly come back to the present. Michael waited patiently.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said once he seemed to realize where he was, looking around a few times before his eyes settled on Michael again. Guilt bled from him like a faucet left on. “I’m so sorry, I’ll leave”

“Hey, hey, no, don’t go, it’s okay,” Michael promised, speaking as softly as he could. Alex was still catching his breath and his eyes slowly started filling with tears.

“I’m sorry,” he insisted, his bottom lip quivering as he took in a shaky breath. He again tried to move towards his prosthetic, but Michael crawled closer. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Michael promised. Tears fell over Alex’s cheeks as he shook his head and slowly started to fold in on himself. “Hey, can I touch you?”

“What?” Alex breathed, his knees pulled to his chest as best as they could.

“I wanna hold you, but I don’t want to scare you again. So can I?” Michael asked softly, feeling his own shade of guilt for making him cry by bringing it up. But still, he had his ammunition. 

“Okay,” Alex agreed reluctantly.

Michael situated himself beside him and carefully pulled him into his arms. Once he felt Alex go along with it, he pulled him a little closer and held his head to his chest and pulled him into his lap. He did his best to cradle him, shushing him like he imagined a mother would. He didn’t know how else to comfort him.

“I’m sorry,” Alex murmured again after enough time passed for him to stop crying, “I-I don’t know what happened, I just… I get like that sometimes. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you can’t help it,” Michael insisted. He wasn’t exactly sure what couldn’t be helped, but he knew it made enough sense for a man not to react well after what happened to him. 

“Still,” he said, “That was embarrassing. And this is embarrassing. I-I mean, I really killed the mood with all that.” Alex tried to laugh so Michael forced a little chuckle too, kissing the top of his head.

“It’s fine. Might as well know what I’m asking for when I say I want to see you again,” Michael told him. Alex lifted his head, eyes a little bloodshot and face still a little sad.

“You want to see me again?”

“Yeah,” Michael said, carefully drying his cheek with his thumb, “I really do.”

Alex let out a breath and then moved forward for a kiss that Michael accepted greatly. Because he absolutely wanted to see this man again. Even if he knew damn well that once his article became public, Alex would hate him.

So, yes, Michael Guerin stared at himself in the mirror as he thought about the night before and wondered if he had made the right decision. What was more important? Protecting his relationship with Alex or exposing what was going on that their country refused to admit?

Instead of facing that question right then, he sat down and began writing his article. When the time came, he would bring it to Alex and be honest. By then, he’d be able to tell him about the VVAW, show him that he wasn’t the only soldier who was against the war. By then, he would hopefully be able to get him to understand why that article needed to be published.

But right now, he just had to write.

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 15, finally):

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

15:4 Atomic Monsters - Demon!Sam flashbacks! Dean in a beard! Some old fashioned banter! Meatman! Beaverdale! Love how Sam starts arguing w the parents in the parking lot - Me too, Sam, me too. Loving the self-aware monster. I know Becky is problematique™, but I dig her, so, all kinds of fuck Chuck. He must die, and when he does this is the episode I’ll think about.

15:6 Golden Time - Badass protection spells. Dean in a robe and a hot dog pyjamas. Cas going by Clarence. Jogging Sam. Eileen! God I ship her and Sam, and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that I don’t ship him w anyone. Liking this ep a lot, every little side plot. Nice. And Eileen is back and I know it won’t last but like, that was awesome.

15:10 The Heroes’ Journey - Pretty neat intro. Monster on monster violence to the sound of Clair the Lune. Oh, and excellent casting of Garth’s kids. Regular people trouble... Awesome! Brilliant! This is the kind of meta storylines this show should deal in, exclusively. Oh my Garth! Explosives! Why isn’t every episode like this?

15:11 The Gamblers - Oh, is this another lucky coin episode? In that case yes please! More inconsequential bullshit kindly! Loving Sam staying in touch w Eileen. Hey guys, remember when you did the gambling thing w your years? And the rabbit’s foot? Good times. Will this be an equally good time? I hope so. A god! Excellent. ”Lady, I’m Tolstoy.” Yeah ya are, and i’m dead. The guys and Fortuna bashing god. And I'm equally delighted and distraught over the lore that god created man, man imagined gods and god decided to create the other gods to play into man’s ideas, or as a distraction.

15:13 Destiny’s Child - Omg the intro! Savage garden! I’m dead. Jack w the sandwich, why is that so funny? Cas is a gem this episode! ”’Sexually intimate’?” Lol. That’s what you get for trying to speak plainly, Cas! Hunter Corp. I’m dead, again. Keep the different Deans and Sams coming! I’m digging this! Why would they send ‘em to Rio? They could be your buffy-bots!

15:14 Last Holiday - Weird people popping up in the hq is awesome. And Dean’s immediate instinct to yell for Sam reminds me of me calling mr mess for everything! ”Shouldnt you be in the woods? Nymfing?” Monster radar? Oh, oh this is excellent. So mrs Butters is capable of murder when home and family are threatened, good for her. They better not kill her. I can accept them returning her to the wild. Yes! Did I call it or did I call it? Good Supernatural, good boy! And Dean making a cake for Jack! My heart.

Fail episodes (in chronological order):

15:2 Raising Hell - Rowena! Instant win. Ketch. Instant lose. Ketch undressing Rowena with his eyes = rating plummeting. Jeez. A bit dangerous even joking about the GoT finale, don’t you think? Rowena and Ketch full on flirting... this is hell, I'm being punished.

15:3 The Rupture - Don’t call him god! His name is Sucky-Chucky. The shock of Cas! “You’ve been playing us the whole time!” This is how it works Cas, where have you been? They're always solving problems like Jason Mendoza. In-Dean-angry-voice: “Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Rowena! And Sam! No!

15:5 Proverbs 17:3 - Listen, spn, it’s your last season and if you like just wanna stop writing and casting women completely rn i won't stop you or hold it against you (also why are these ladies identical?). We’ve had a terrible run but lets just let bygones be bygones.

15:8 Our father, who aren’t in heaven - Gosh, having Eileen in the show is painful, I’m just constantly expecting a piano to fall on her head. *Ugh* Sucky-yucky-Chucky. But hey, at least everybody else looks better alongside him. Case and point: I never rly cared that much for Donatello, but it’s great to see him, and Michael’s back, sure is nice to see him too.

15:9 The trap - Ugh. Main plot shit and Sucky-yucky-fucking-Chucky. Fail. Although the flashforward to jan 6th 2021 was a hoot (but probably not meant like one, huh?) Dean’s monologue in purgatory though... gosh. This show would be nothing w/o Jensen Ackles. Omg the kiss! Nice. However, the show at this point has lost the ability to offer any sort of pleasure. Because like Sam, we know which way this will go. They used to have some hedonism working for the characters but now they don’t even have that.

15:20 Carry on - You know what? I’m not gonna make this post longer than it already is talking about the last episode of Supernatural, that has been done better by people w real grievances w the show. The kindest thing you can say about the finale is that it just as well could’ve been jammed into a few extra minutes added to the previous episode.

Mediocre mentions:

Drag me away (from you) - what is this ugly cell interface? The opposite of product placement. Yay! Retro episode! And they got the same actor to play Dean, neato! Dean admitting he had a hard time handling hunting, that always gets me. Woah! That scream effect without reverb was kinda startling. And the camera zooming in on the little porcelain clown even though Sam is nowhere n- oh shit. This was an interesting episode

Inherit the earth - Goooood I hate Chucky. Barefoot Sam is okay though. Digging this soundtrack too. Very un-Supernatural. Nice to meet ya Betty, but I wouldn’t pull up a chair if I were you. Always a fan of the shiteating grin. Jack, stripping god of his power, that’s so hot. And again: kudos to the soundtrack! The Youngbloods and then Jackson freakin’ Browne! And you know, it’s clichéd and kinda vacant, but also kinda nice. I’m cool with the story ending like this. Why did they have to do another one? Supernatural has never known when to quit, and this is the very real backside of this.

Honorable mentions:

I don’t know who this Ardat chick is but killing Ketch puts her instantly in my win column.

Winchester-dumb, new household term.

”Feels like were taking a big, probably stupid risk. Feels good.” That made me feel good too.

I’m vastly enjoying this dark-art hippie couple in Unity and Jack’s interaction w them.

Cas launching straight into his dramatic I-will-not-let-you-end-your-own-life-speech when Sam casually mentions he’d like to talk to death in Unity, that angel has seen some things, and he has learned.

Those are some pretty pretty death effects on Jack in Despair/The Truth.

Obviously Misha Collins

Things that makes you go hmm:

Which of the clowns is this supposed to be in Back and to the Future? Because the one from season 2 was a monster, right? So he would’ve gone to purgatory. You know what? I’m not an expert. I try to not pay too much attention ’cause it makes me funny in the head. But just, y’know, a general objection.

Here’s my deal w death as a looming threat in this show: it holds no weight. And even if it did it has been painted as the ultimate relief, unless you go to hell, these characters know for a fact that there’s a potentially blissful afterlife, so their attitude towards death should be, what? More pragmatic, I think. And it’s partly why Ackles is wasted on this show; That man can deliver a death monologue like it’s nobody’s business, too bad all those words have been rendered meaningless after 15 seasons of this shit!

Summing up:

So, I did not go into or leave this season happy, I knew how it would end and I was sad for everyone the show screwed over (more than it already had). Which really meant that I always had to force myself to watch another episode, knowing what was coming. But I had to see it through. I did, so I’ll give myself a pat on the back and get to work on my own personal selection of episodes that will henceforth represent spn to me. A selection I’ll enjoy all the way through. All in all I think the most frustrating thing about the show is how it insists on taking itself so freakin’ seriously. It has always done horror *and* humor best and this whole heaven and hell aspect has never sat right w me, and in any case they should’ve leaned more on “supernatural” narrative tropes (if you will) getting out of their plot problems, gambled some more and thought a bit more outside genre conventions *especially* in their main arcs, they opened up so many opportunities that they never even used. They could’ve been more like Buffy, or Doctor Who. That said, I’ll always get that spn-itch, and when I do, I’ll be happy to have seen all the episodes so I’ll know which ones to avoid.

[werelesbian]

I know with people coming up with new micro identities every 5 seconds, it makes me wonder if I’m just trying to make up my attraction to women and that I’m a straight girl just trying to be special for whatever reason. I know that multiple people tell me I’m not straight because of well like everything I say but there’s just multiple fears I have regarding everything since the realization of me realizing I do indeed like women hit me hard in the head this year. I know I have my own insecurities when it comes to my sexuality for I indeed worry it’s something made up for “wokeness” or whatever. Like I had no idea what non-binary was or other terms like that until this year. I’m just trying to figure out fully about my sexuality and trying to overcome internalized homophobia and I don’t need to shuffle myself under some micro identity in order to feel “validated”. I’m insecure. I know that. Am I forcing these feelings I have towards women in the sake of feminism or to push the narrative that I am attracted to every women on the planet? Also no. I have a type of woman I like that is true. I’m not attracted to every woman out there. I don’t get it when people say “oh I’m attracted to all woman and three men!” Like you don’t need to overperform an attraction to women in order to feel “bi enough”. If you have a specific type of woman you like, that’s okay. I personally have a preference for masculine women and that is fine.

Reality is that I’m insecure in this new realization about myself for multiple reasons. One is my family. They continuously make jokes about me “looking like a lesbian” and have made comments in the past about pushing that I must be bi and it’s okay to like women and men (despite me having reservations about them wanting me to be with men only). They also say that I may have not met the right man yet and saying I “need a good orgasm” from a man. It angers me that I’m told this because I buy into their bullshit and it makes me try and disprove my attraction to women and try and force myself to be more attracted to men despite it being pretty damn low. When I was closeted, aka buying into the narrative that “to be a proper adult” I need to be heterosexual and mature, I mainly focused on boys and became hesitant to write or make anything with gay or bisexual characters in the fear of being abnormal and dating women (also I didn’t know that it was a true possibility for me).

Another worry I have is that this realization about my attraction came so fast (thank you ex gf) that it literally just exploded out of me. Like, men basically went off my radar and I just only checked out women and focused on women. I also delved into lesbian shows and movies and I enjoyed them A LOT. I also finally realized that indeed yes, I want a relationship with another woman, I wanna kiss them and I wanna have sex with them. Prior to this, I had crushes on women and there were even a couple I wanted to date but never got the chance to and I chickened out of kissing a girl when I was 16 (this is also one of my reasons why I try and justify my attraction to women as “not real). I did get a chance to date a girl casually and have sex and kiss her and I really liked it. I was in my head a lot though with fears that I wasn’t going to like it, that I would realize that I am not attracted to women actually and that I wouldn’t have romantic feelings about her. In reality with men I was with, these things happened and I wasn’t really super attracted to the men I was with. The girls I was with though, both long distance and the fling I had, I was very attracted to and always wanted to be close to them.

A third thing is that I know that the acronym LGBT has basically gotten watered down into the word “queer” and that basically tears the community apart. I know that someone could take it as that wanting to peg your boyfriend is now considered “queer” or kink is “queer”. I don’t like using the word for myself because to me it means nothing. Telling me you are “queer” means nothing. Are you attracted to the same gender? No? Then you aren’t gay or even bi. Someone I know defines it as “not conforming to heteronormativity”, but it’s a slur that’s been used against the community and I didn’t even know the word was a thing until this year. I just don’t want people to assume that they’re automatically “queer” because they like pegging or they’re poly or something when they’re not attracted to the same gender. I mainly don’t wanna be associated with that. I just wanna date girls and eat some pussy in peace please.

Most of all with everything, I just wanna live my life being allowed and feeling okay to love another woman without the world telling me I’m a fucking freak for doing so. I just wanna spend my days (as of now) with another woman and eat pussy. I wanna hold another woman in my arms at night and not worry if my rights are going to be taken away because some damn politician with a stick up his ass says it goes against his belief. Biology isn’t fucking political. It’s a fucking reality and that goes for my sexuality. I’m biologically attracted to other women. That I cannot change. Society deemed it to be “wrong”, thus brainwashing generation upon generation to think it’s bad. Homosexuality and bisexuality can be observed in multiple animal species. I can’t help it! God forbid I crave pussy! Fuck!