#man that build really defined 2022 for me

[imflyingfish]

Its so odd seeing that cow build going around lmao

[absolutebl]

Hi ABL! After watching episode 1 of Between Us, I was impressed with the level of "thirst" between Boun and Prem's characters in the last couple of scenes. Are there shows or scenes of shows, regardless of actual heat level, that you think did "thirst" well, regardless of how that's resolved at the time? Subjective, I know, but would love to get your take on this!

20 BLs with the BEST Thirst!

Thirst wants to slide a hand under his waistband right tf now and grind. Horny wants to rip his clothes off, and probably pop buttons and laugh about it. Yearning wants to run both hands up his back while they kiss deeply. Hunger wants to lift him by the ass and slam him against the wall.

Raise your glasses please, to THIRST.

I Cannot Reach You - Japan 2023

It's fresh in my mind, so first on this list.

Secret Crush on You - Thailand 2022

This scene in particular sprang next to mind, just because for me it kinda defined thirst in Thai BL. (Also see my #1 pick for sides at the end.)

Jun & Jun - Korea 2023

We Best Love: Fighting Mr 2nd - Taiwan 2021

2 Moons: Ambassador (AKA 2 Moons 3) - Thailand 2022

Eternal Yesterday - Japan 2022

Why R U? - Korea 2023

HIStory 3 - the BL that shall not be named - Taiwan 2019

Bed Friend - Thailand 2023

They sleeping together but King still thirsty af

Big Dragon - Thailand 2022

My Beautiful Man - Japan 2021

Between Us - Thailand 2022-23

Minato's Laundromat - Japan 2022

Ghost Host Ghost House - Thailand 2022

the infamous leg scene alone qualifies them, but they very mutually thirsty in general

My Personal Weatherman - Japan 2023

It's the point.

I Feel You Linger in the Air - Thailand 2023

The oil scene is a stroke of genius.

Well, several strokes.

Old Fashion Cupcake - Japan 2022

I Told Sunset About You - Thailand 2020

Love in Translation - Thailand 2023

Just because of that damn convenience store make-out scene.

Nitiman - Thailand 2021

I find thirst is often (although not always) the provenance of the seme character.

Mutual thirst is really rare.

Side dish gravy

Shorts, side couples, and so forth.

Oh My Sunshine Night - Thailand 2022

Noh appears 2x on this list. He's GREAT at thirst. Possibly the only Thai actor to give Japan real competition. GIVE HIM ANOTHER LEAD!

HIStory 4: Close To You - Taiwan 2021

Gen Y 2 - Thailand 2022

@heretherebedork and I call them PokeTongue for a reason.

Y-Destiny - Thailand 2021

kiss x kiss x kiss: Perfect Scandal - Japan 2022

No shocker that Japan is the only one to field a micro on this list. Usually thirst takes more build up.

Defining THIRST

I make a distinction between thirst and other types of physical desire. This is just me and language.

Thirst usually leaps off the screen and has an edge of danger to it. Like they gonna get caught, or go out of control just from wanting to touch. They gonna die without physical contact. It's pure survival need. Japan kinda specializes in this.

There's no humor to thirst, but horny can get kinda cheeky. It's more fun and mutual (ee.g. KinnPorsche). More want than need. So it's more Thailand and Taiwan.

There's also yearning (e.g. The 8th Sense), which has a more emotional soul tether to it. Korea in particular, but also like GMMTV and lower heat prestige stuff, high school things for example (My School President).

And finally hunger, which I tend to think of as desire but with a nourishment component. It's I want what's MINE. Like Taejung in Cherry Blossoms After Winter.

These aren't mutually exclusive, mind you.

I dithered but they didn't quite make the list

Irresistible Love - China 2016

Second Chance - Thailand 2021

Takara & Amagi - Japan 2022

Love Area - Thailand 2022

Takumi-kun - Japan 2007

Moonlight Chicken - Thailand 2023

My Engineer (RamKing) - Thailand 2020

It's why we're all still mad we never got full RamKing

(source)

This posted dated end of 2023. Not responsible for thirsty BL that happens after. Check the comments for additions and other's thoughts on the matter.

[piizunn]

“Knowing You Has Made Me a Better Settler Person”: Tokenizing the Métis Identity 

View my work: A Spectacle of Me for You 

By riel 

My name is riel, I am a Red River Métis artist descending maternally from the historic Métis families by the names of Berthelet, Caron, St. Germaine, Dubois, Dazé, and Larivière, who come from the communities of Pointe à Grouette, now St. Agathe, St. Norbert, and St. Vital, now modern-day Winnipeg, and the historic Batoche, Saskatchewan. My Berthelet ancestors, notably my third great grandfather Joseph Berthelet Sr. was a community leader of Pointe à Grouette, and my fifth-great uncle Jean Caron Sr fought at fifty-two years old in the battle of Duck Lake, Saskatchewan of the North-West Resistance of 1885. His house is now a historic site in Batoche. My mother is a Métis academic with a background in education and my father is a settler of British ancestry, and an archaeologist-turned-locksmith. I introduce myself in this way, in the traditional way of Métis authors, such as Chantal Fiola and Jean Teillet, to contextualize my knowledge and experiences, as well as my connection to this land.  

Earlier this year, 2022, as the winter semester wrapped up, and spring was beginning to rear its big green head, I finished building a Red River cart. It was four months of research and physical labour. I taught myself methods of wood joinery that my ancestors would have used, the hand tools they had access to pre-industrial revolution, as well as the power tools we as modern Métis have access to now. After the cart’s completion I installed it in the Ivan Gallery at school. That is when and where it happened. A classmate of settler colonial ancestry approached me. We had spent two semesters at odds. Her work focused on the climate crisis but came from a place of doomism and borderline eco-fascism. She regurgitated colonial narratives regarding our “doomed world” and the inherent violence of humans, and when she was corrected and shown the harm in her words she doubled down.  

She said to me “knowing you, has made me a better person.” I do not know this woman and she does not know me, but I believe I knew her in that moment. To her, I am an encyclopedia, a fountain of knowledge for her to drink from whenever she wants to feel a little less guilty. I realized what she meant. 

“Knowing you has made me a better settler person” 

What does it take to know a person? Who defines knowing? In that moment, I knew my classmate, but she could not have known me less. To her, and many others I have met in my life, my culture and I represented an outlet for settler guilt. I was the “real Indian” she took a photo with to prove her proximity and understanding of Indigeneity (James Luna). Because in settler minds, every Indian is every Indian, and every Indian is an encyclopedia to test knowledge against. I am a measuring stick for settlers to compare their thoughts and actions to. 

I began to really consider how settlers were tokenizing me; sexually, intellectually, culturally, spiritually, to settlers I am a fantasy Métis academic. I am an all knowing all sensing wise Indian who can track a man through all terrains, who can tell you your spirit name by just looking at you, who will save your life when you are caught unprepared on my land, and who will scalp an enemy with no mercy. That is what people want from me, not the stories of the Métis resistance leaders who tried to overtake your settler ancestors in the Northwest Resistance, who could spit bullets and toss gunpower directly into their guns all while on horseback. They do not want to hear about The Old Wolves who fought in the Northwest Resistance and years later met in St. Vital to lovingly and meticulously document our young nation’s history, who hated the word “rebellion” (Jean Teillet). 

A Spectacle of Me for You is an installation containing a series of sculptures, photographs, prints, and found objects arranged in a “spectacle” of the Métis identity. The work is the result of experimentation with materials and engagement with Métis theory on self-governance and our history. Being named after Louis Riel often feels like an invitation for settlers to give me their unsolicited opinion on whether my ethnic group should have rights, and if Louis Riel was a madman or not, with most of the conversations quickly becoming anti-Indigenous and/or ableist. To my people, however, it is an honour to be named after Riel, the man who, with Gabriel Dumont successfully won the Red River Resistance of 1869, and commanded my ancestors in the Northwest Resistance of 1885. In this work I employ Indigenous humour- our ability to make fun of ourselves, remaining in control of the joke in order to remove that power from settlers, who are suddenly uncomfortably aware of their perception of Indigenous peoples. I have been heavily influenced by artists like Jesse Ray Short who dressed as Louis Riel in a drag-esque performance, and James Luna’s performance Take A Picture with a Real Indian (2001) and Artifact Piece (1987), Dayna Danger’s Big ‘Uns series, specifically for their reclamation of explicit Indigenous sexuality, and their ways of incorporating Indigenous, specifically Métis and Salteaux material culture into representations of Indigenous sexuality. Finally, I also would like to reference Rebecca Belmore’s piece Artifact #671B from 1988, where Belmore implicates her own body as an artifact in similar ways that James Luna has.  

The viewer enters the room to find a table at the back of the room, seemingly an in-use workspace, with a sewing mannequin dressed in brown pants, a red and black flannel, a Louis Riel shirt, and a beaded leather strap on placed over the pants. There is also a half-deflated mask of Louis Riel placed on the table. On the table there are postcards- free for the viewer to take with two different designs to choose from. On one side of the room a log has been placed on the ground and another rests a few feet away, seemingly more haphazardly than the carefully placed log.  

A Spectacle of Me for You is a staged representation of what a beader’s workspace might look like. A series of props that vaguely reference the Métis but does not actually represent the workspace of the artist. It is a highly curated idea of the Métis identity, playing on well-known stereotypes. Among the workspace set-up there are two stacks of postcards, one with a shot of the artist posing with two logs they personally harvested in January of 2022, left over from building a Red River cart, one of the logs positioned suggestively between the legs of the artist. They are dressed in stereotypical lumberjack clothes as well as a t-shirt with Louis Riel’s face and a slogan that reads “keepin’ it Riel”. The artist also wears a latex mask of Louis Riel, tying the fantasy together.   

Otipemisiwak Voyageur Fantasy Husband is a series of postcards as well as a costume worn by the artist to comment on different aspects of tokenization. The leather strap on harness worn over their clothes is an overt reference to the fetishization of Indigenous people, specifically Indigiqueer and Two Spirit community members, and a comparison of Indigenous and settler masculinity. The harness is paired with a lumberjack style flannel and a shirt with an image of Louis Riel that reads “keepin it real”, and a latex mask of Riel, worn on the artist’s head, obscuring their face. The postcards and the mask are a reference to modern Métis material culture and our infatuation with objects with Louis Riel’s face. The mass-production of these items has both caused a massive inflation of Louis Riel-kitsch, but also a larger awareness of our presence as Métis people, and what Riel means to us. Akin to the presidents' masks used by the Ex-Presidents gang in the 1991 film Point Break, the artist uses their Riel mask to draw attention to the way real historical figures, particularly politicians become caricatures of their actual selves in the eyes of the public, allowing them to be immortalized in popular culture. On a smaller scale, something similar has happened to Louis Riel where many settlers deem him a violent mad-man, and reduce him to a caricature of himself, while the Métis have reclaimed this treatment, and have found ways to honour him in our material culture. 

References/Works Cited 

BELMORE, REBECCA. ARTIFACT #671B, 1988. 

BIGELOW, KATHRYN. POINT BREAK. TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX, 1991.  

BURNS, CLARISSA. VOYAGEUR GAMES DEMONSTRATION. https://metisgathering.ca/classroom-resources/classroom-voyageur-games/. MÉTIS GATHERING. 2022.  

LUNA, JAMES. TAKE A PICTURE WITH A REAL INDIAN, 2000.  

LUNA, JAMES. ARTEFACT PIECE, 1987. 

   RIEL, LOUIS. FINAL TRIAL STATEMENT. http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/riel/rieltrialstatement.html. JULY 31ST 1885.  

SHORT, JESSIE RAY. WAKE UP!, 2015. 

  TEILLET, JEAN. THE NORTH-WEST IS OUR MOTHER : THE STORY OF LOUIS RIEL’S PEOPLE, THE METIS NATION. PATRICK CREAN EDITIONS, AN IMPRINT OF HARPERCOLLINS PUBLISHERS LTD., 2013. 

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2023

Thank you for tagging me @allwaswell16! I am so happy every year that this (I believe) brainchild of @juliusschmidt's from 2016 still exists in various forms! hehe I apparently missed doing this in 2021 and 2022, and I was determined not to miss it again so here we go!

List of works published this year: My Other Half Was You Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me) Quite the Pickle Livin' In A Daydream (Gimme a Solution and) Watch Me Run With It You Are A Song Did You Know I Fit In A Dryer? Were You There On That Christmas Night? Team Gaelic FTW No Constraints Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... Damsel in Christmas Distress Snow In Love

Work you are most proud of (and why): Oof. This is always such a hard question to answer. Almost as hard as the next one, and the next one and the next one....... hah honestly though, I think... I'm honestly sincerely proud of most of my fics from this year simply because I got them written. I'll go more into that later, I'm sure, but maybe... I think maybe My Other Half Was You or Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... and for very different reasons. My Other Half Was You was written based on artwork by @moon-sun-thyme for @1dreversebang and the moment I saw her artwork I had these vague ideas coming to mind and I am quite proud with how I was able to bring them to life so closely resembling what I originally thought of when I saw the art. And for Odds Are, I wrote that for @1dtrickortreatfest so it had to be exactly 666 words and that's always a trick (heh), but in this case I had to completely world build and set up the situation and lead everyone to the conclusion within that word count while making it somewhat compelling... and I think I was able to manage it. I hope I was, anyway haha

Work you are least proud of (and why): lmaooooo usually this answer is really hard for me to answer, but this year it's not haha i have a few fics that I literally wrote to just remind myself that I could. That not everything has to be thought out and polished and pretty, sometimes it's just a matter of getting words on paper and putting them out into the world immediately, hoping for the best, and they absolutely served their purpose! I'm fond of them still, but that doesn't mean I'm proud of them necessarily haha So I would have to say Damsel in Christmas Distress (which I still love dearly, simply for how self indulgent that silly thing is for me haha) and Quite the Pickle. Again, my darling Stylinshaw fics getting the brunt of it here, but they did as they needed to for me. I'll maybe try to write them a longer, more polished fic with some thought behind it this year, as they clearly deserve.

A favorite excerpt of your writing: GAHHHH I hate this question every damn time! Okay, I don't know if this is my absolute favorite thing I wrote this year, BUT it immediately came to mind, and I do very much like it so, here's an excerpt from Gemma's Dad (Could Use A Guy Like Me). I just adore Harry being a fumbling idiot around a pretty boy hahaha Ever since he had dug up his garden, he preferred to start in the back where the job was a lot more complicated to work around and then move to the front, which was far easier.  Now, though, Harry was wondering if this was the right decision because Louis was also mowing his lawn. That wasn’t a problem, of course, except he was shirtless and that only defined for Harry the fact he really had grown up. Louis used to try to show off for the neighborhood by mowing any number of lawns shirtless in middle school and high school, but he had been a scrawny kid with little to no meat on his bones and Harry had thought it adorable back then. Now, on a sweltering day like it was, he was probably shirtless just to be as cool as possible as the sun beat down on him, and Harry’s vision wasn’t as good as it used to be, but he could still tell that Louis had filled out since going to college. He was still a thin man, but as he pushed the mower through the tall grass, Harry could see the muscles he clearly put effort into. Add to it the chest hair that was only growing darker as he continued to sweat and the smattering of tattoos he’d gotten since he turned eighteen and it was clear he had grown up. Harry couldn’t help it when the glint of the sun off Louis’ sweaty skin made him lick his lips without even thinking. Clearing his throat and thankful it was obvious Louis was too focused to notice Harry ogling him from his own yard, Harry pulled the starter and began to work on his own yard.

Share or describe a favorite review you received: I've got three that immediately came to mind, so excuse me while I mention all three as quickly as I can manage lol First was from @allwaswell16 for Gemma's Dad. I'd had a lot of difficulty with a someone reading motivations and meaning in the characters and story that I took a lot of care in ensuring were actually avoided as I wrote it. There were a lot of pitfalls I could have fallen into when writing the fic, but one person just kept asking over and over again for things I thought I had already done and my beta assured me I had sufficiently covered etc, but I still worried so when Anitra gave the review she did of it on her podcast, it literally made me cry a little bit lol Second was @londonfoginacup in response to (Gimme a Solution and) Watch Me Run With It when she commented "Ah so you really just tore your chest open and picked out your beating heart and handed it to me here, didn’t you" because... well I hadn't really considered it when I'd been writing the fic, but I guess I kind of did exactly that, yeah. haha And then lastly I want to thank @tommokat for their lovely comments on Snow In Love regarding the Michigan geography and freak lake effect snow that can be experienced there because I tried my very best to describe the absolute chaos that is that region in the wintertime and they basically affirmed that I had accurately captured it. Genuinely, the best gift I could have gotten haha

A time when writing was really, really hard: Excuse me while I laugh a bit hysterically until I cry alksdhglskfja The last year or two have been incredibly difficult for a whole host of reasons, but the ones that most affected my writing were my lingering (and seemingly unending) burnout combined with an absolute lack of time/energy available to write. There were so many times this year that I thought I wouldn't be able to do it or thought I'd have to pull out of various fests and just... cut down on things, but I kept pushing and kept trying and I did it. I'm so fucking proud of myself, honestly.

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Jordan North in Did You Know I Fit In A Dryer? Well, honestly, Louis in that fic too. And the entire premise of the fic. Really all of it surprised me lololol I never expected to write Jordan in a fic. Ever. hahahaa And as I've barely dabbled in a couple of weed candies is all, I certainly did not anticipate ever writing someone as THAT HIGH. sooooo...yeah just all of it hahaha

How did you grow as a writer this year: Psh. Bold of you to assume I've grown as a writer this year when I was merely doing what I could to survive haha if anything I kind of wonder if I went backwards in my writing abilities but who the fuck knows, really haha

How do you hope to grow next year: I just... I dunno man. I just kinda hope I'm in a better place this time next year so I'm just not so fucking tired all the time and so I have actual time to write, you know? lol continued good vibes are always welcome here, folks haha

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Like... everyone. hah I'm getting a little emotional thinking of everyone who helped me keep going this year. but the greatest? probably @londonfoginacup again. She was the biggest influence in actually getting my Big Bang finished because I didn't want to disappoint her (even though?? I know I won't??? like.. anyway) haha and then I wrote like three fics for her/dedicated them to her just because... like. she keeps me going some days honestly so yeah. Emmu. You're the bestest always babes. Love you.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Listen, all I'm saying is in one of my fics it hits a little too close to home. Like I kind of wrote Harry's starting place... and kinda where he is for a lot of the fic... pretty much exactly how I was feeling, and still pretty much am, though for very different reasons. So it's maybe a little too much of my real life emotionally speaking in there yeah

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: New? Not so much hahaha just don't give up!

Any new projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: YES. I was just talking with @moon-sun-thyme this morning that I started the year by posting a fic based on her art, and I'm going out of this year focusing on the fic we will be collaborating on together for the @onedirectionbigbang hehe so I'm very very excited to get started on that one. It's a fic I've been wanting to write almost ever since I first heard the song Satellite, so I am READY to delve in and lose myself to it, honestly. In the whole... one night every week or two I have to write. hahaha Here's hoping I make the deadline haaaaa

Tag three writers whose answers you'd like to read: MAN I have no idea who has and hasn't done this yet! So maybeeeee @justanothershadeofblue, @hellolovers13, anddddd @quotefromthatshow and @louandhazaf if you haven't done it already and want to! And shh I know it’s four but who cares lolol

*All answers should be about fics posted in 2023

Past Years: 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 and 2020 | 2022(ish)

[chorizontal]

A Year in Film: How Four Movies Helped Me Understand Being Sick

It’s so important in this life to be aware that whatever you think your personal rock bottom is, there is another, deeper, rockier bottom lurking beneath it. I started the year with resolutions to have a more fulfilling year- believing life couldn’t get any worse than 2023. The linear conception of time will fuck you, embrace anarchy or pay the price.

One of my resolutions for a fulfilling year was to build on a project I had been calling ‘Film Homework’ and watch more movies. Film Homework was really born out of social pressure. When you’re 15 and obsessed with Step Up 2 it might be charming; when you’re 28 and people can’t even talk about Star Wars without being met by your vacant stare, you’re a blight on most small talk. I know about TV, but pathologically binge watching TV isn’t impressive, it’s not something people do when they’re well. Try looking someone in the eye and telling them you watched all 6 seasons of Glee in 3 weeks, in 2022 no less. So I started a list: Every time someone would mention a film I hadn’t seen, or I saw someone post about a film they’d enjoyed, or a list of “50 movies you HAVE to see before you die” I would jot it down. Since I started this project in July 2023, I have watched 209 films from the list. 

Sideshow Bob with his infinite supply of rakes underfoot would look at the year I’ve had and count his blessings. For better or worse, this year has been defined by my relationship to my illness. Between January to May, I built a life for myself where my POTS was well managed. This was rapidly undone when I was reinfected with Covid in May. Since then, I have been largely housebound. Coupled with being made redundant, this has facilitated a commitment to films typically reserved for the worst man you’ve ever met in your life. In full sincerity, Film Homework has changed my life. I am changed by the films I’ve seen and my world is expanded with each one I watch. Four films in particular have stayed with me this year: Melancholia, La Chimera, Miracle Worker, and Angels in America. Since watching them I haven’t been able to put them down, in my quieter moments I find myself revisiting a particular scene or dialogue, or stewing over a character’s decisions. Perhaps unsurprisingly, they all touched the part of me that seeks to understand my disability. 

Melancholia (2011)

Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia was a great idea, poorly executed. The movie, which begins by showing a world ending collision with a meteor, examines the different coping mechanisms of a family in the days before disaster. Kirsten Dunst, whose performance of depression was so visceral I could feel her ennui setting into my bones through sheer osmosis, is indifferent to it. Her sister’s husband intellectualises the event to feel control. Her sister plans to kill herself and her child. In the end (SPOILER), the husband ends up being the one who kills himself. The rest of the family die by meteor.

My lifetime of finely honed depression meant I responded to the pandemic’s arrival in much the same way as Kirsten Dunst’s character. Which is not to say that I coped with it well, but that I was resigned to my inability to control it. My main worry was that I was at risk for Long Covid. This was borne out in 2021, when I got a mild bout of Covid and never got better. I have since been diagnosed with POTS, which sits under the Long Covid umbrella. There’s a grim relief to being able to look your worst case scenario in the eye. I don’t have to worry that Long Covid will come knocking for me because she’s let herself into my house: She's sitting on my lungs when I try to climb the stairs; forming a fog in my brain when I try to read; ringing in my ears when I’ve been standing upright too long. I can’t get her to leave, she’s moved in and now I have to get used to her. The moral of the story? If the meteor is going to hit you, why not resign to total dissociated depression and then see if there are any pieces left to pick up in the aftermath. Or something.

La Chimera (2023)

I feel like I exist separate from time. Somewhere along the way I got knocked out of the continuum and if I reach out I can touch it but I can’t step back into it. Chronic illness necessitates a different approach to time. Thinking about the past involves grieving while expectations of the future tend to bring anxiety and disappointment. It’s healthiest for me to take each day as it comes. Alice Rohrwacher’s La Chimera is a beautifully shot film that follows Josh O’Connor as he uses his unusual supernatural ability to find graves to help a group of grave robbers in Italy. He is haunted by the death of his ex-girlfriend and is constantly searching for her through time, inching ever closer to death. At one point, just before the robbers break into a perfectly preserved grave, you see the inside of the crypt, with its walls covered in vibrantly coloured paintings. As the lid is lifted and light touches the paintings, the colours immediately dull and become old. Sometimes, when I’m at my most housebound, I feel like I’m in that crypt and I’m perfectly preserved and the outside can’t reach me and each day passes and the next one comes and I am untouched by what is new. And then I am reminded that time is still passing for everyone outside and they are changing and then my lid lifts a little and the light touches me and suddenly my colours are fading and I am still the same but I’m not anymore, I am different if only by virtue of my response to this new context. I am worn and I am not vibrant and I am out of step with a world that moves without me and as I write this I am thinking about how it’s a really good thing I’ve pledged to find a therapist before the new year.

Miracle Worker (1962)

Sometimes a film will make me feel so much that my chest hurts. I have flashes of thoughts and feelings but they’re gone as fast as they appear, replaced by this feeling like the very molecules that make me whole are clashing into each other, creating enough kinetic energy to burst right out my skin. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell whether this movie was good or not. I know I did not enjoy it. Arthur Penn’s Miracle Worker tells the true story of Helen Keller’s childhood growing up deaf and blind. At the start of the film, she is shown to be nearly feral as her parents have given up any attempt to discipline her. It is not until they hire a Nanny- herself disabled- that Helen is treated as a child with agency. The film raises questions about the line between discipline and abuse, the importance of disabled community, the damage caused by the infantilisation of disabled people, and the interaction between class and disability. 

Disabled Community (voluntary): a group of people who share a common approach to disability, recognise shared experiences, and advocate for collective empowerment. Disabled Community (involuntary): everyone who’s ever existed and their opinions on your health. I try to explain my illness and before I know it I am defending myself and justifying my actions. I worry about whether the new person I’ve met will believe something they can’t see, or if I’ll ever be able to do a job I enjoy that is also willing to meet my access needs. I want to lay myself bare, split myself open and watch all the symptoms pour out of me, have these invisible manifestations of a faulty nervous system become visible. I want to be understood totally, I want you to feel in your heart how hard every day is for me, but I don’t want my need for support to be mistaken for ceding agency. I feel like I’m in a nightmare where I’m trying to scream but I can’t find the air in my lungs and my head hurts and I haven’t figured out I’m in a nightmare yet so I’m just trying and trying and no sound will come out and I’m so afraid but I can’t get anyone else to understand how scared I am because I can’t make a sound. I can feel all the words in my chest and I’m so upset and any second now I’m going to try so hard to scream that I’ll force myself awake and I’ll say to myself “oh that was just a nightmare”.

Angels in America (2003)

Mike Nichols’ Angels in America is a film/miniseries adaptation of Tony Kushner's play by the same name. The story is set during the AIDS crisis, centring themes of community, freedom, and loss. Like The Miracle Worker, Angels in America left me feeling like emotional popcorn, each intense, fleeting feeling its own kernel. If I try to focus on any one part of the film, I find myself returning to the character of Louis. Louis made me want to scream at the screen. He made me want to text my friends like he was someone we knew. In fact, Louis, who is full of left wing ideals that he expounds constantly, is in this sense indistinguishable from any left wing man you might meet at an after party. Louis is filled with guilt because his ideals are at odds with his desire for an individual freedom without consequences. He wants freedom to be divorced from the responsibility of community and those he loves, and to be supported for making these choices. For me, Louis’ character represents the left’s ongoing issues with ableism and crip solidarity. Particularly solidarity that requires a perceived impingement on individual freedom, something that is increasingly framed as a kind of right that supersedes collective liberation. 

Louis fears true love and feels that love is a burdensome responsibility. On the contrary, I have never known love, care, and community like I have since becoming disabled. Often, when I’m engaging in hypothetical bargaining exercises in the marketplace of awful coping mechanisms, I’ll wonder about what life could have been like if I hadn’t become disabled. Would I trade an able body if it meant losing everything I have now? I don’t think I could. Even housebound my life is so much richer than it was before I got sick. I am so much closer to people who know me and love me exactly as I am and to understanding myself and my commitment to my politics. Individualistic freedom without consequence is a myth, we should not strive for it and we certainly shouldn’t believe it is our right. Our ties are the path to collective liberation. We owe so much to each other. 

[podlater]

The Philosophy Behind “Everything Everywhere All at Once” | by Noah Taylor | Medium

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The Philosophy Behind “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

Noah Taylor

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May 26, 2022

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Jobu Tupaki travels throughout the infinite parallel universes in search of everything, and finds nothing. She is thrust into a state of apathy and hopelessness through the realization that nothing really matters. This nihilistic ontology is wholly symbolized by her construction of the “everything bagel” — a gaping void rests in the middle with the capacity to plunge ones’ soul into nonexistence. Within the realm of philosophy, this struggle to search for answers in an answerless world has been given a name — the absurd. The existentialist philosophers put forth the idea that as creatures that crave meaning, we are abandoned in a meaningless, irrational universe. Everything Everywhere builds on this philosophical premise in theorizing that if one were to travel to an infinite number of parallel universes they would be confronted with the absurd in every one of them. The cognizence of such meaninglessness across a spectrum of universes is rightfully perplexing. Throughout the film we are reminded that no amount of escapism can overcome the fear and anxiety that is awoken from such surreal awareness. Money, fame, sausage fingers…and yet the question still looms above us like an inescapable fog — “what does it all mean?” It seems that Jobu has come to her own conclusion by the end of the film. Either it is too much to bear, or it is simply not worth it, regardless, she is ready to face nonexistence as her fate and enter into the abyss of the bagel hole.

In his essay “The Myth of Sisyphus” the Algerian-French philosopher Albert Camus sets out to answer what he considers to be the ultimate question of philosophy: is life worth living? Camus invites us to reimagine the legend of Sisyphus, cursed to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity, only to watch it plunge towards bottom of the hill moments before reaching the top. Sisyphus, acknowledging his inescapable destiny, is forced to trudge back down the hill in pursuit of endless toil. Camus writes “It is during that return, that pause, that Sisyphus interests me…I see that man going back down with a heavy yet measured step toward the torment of which he will never know the end. That hour like a breathing-space which returns as surely as his suffering, that is the hour of consciousness.” Camus recognizes that it is the awareness of the absurd, the consciousness of it, that dictates our confusion and disillusionment. Jobu Tupaki serves as the embodiment of this confusion. Without a deeply ingrained set of core beliefs to make sense of the world (i.e. religion), one inevitably finds themselves at the foot of the mountain. Paradoxically, it is the consciousness of the absurd that can also free us: “At each of those moments when he leaves the heights and gradually sinks toward the lairs of the gods, he is superior to his fate. He is stronger than his rock.” It is the deliberation in each step towards Sisyphus’ destiny that defines him. By the end of his essay, Camus turns our gaze towards hope. He doesn’t deny nihilism, rather he welcomes us to find meaning within the confines of it. “If the descent is thus sometimes performed in sorrow, it can also take place in joy.” At first glance, this may seem like a shallow and unconvincing resolution. However there is something striking about Camus’ analogy to Sisyphus. He seems to suggest that even if we don’t have the power to change our reality, we do have the power to change how we feel about it. It is this notion that spares us from the dizziness of a meaningless existence.

As the movie unfolds and Jobu Tupaki and her mother continue to “verse-jump” between a never-ending cycle of universes that exist throughout the cosmos, they eventually find themselves at the precipice of a cliff, their bodies reduced to stone. Through the dialogue in the film we learn that this universe is uninhabited, having never developed the right conditions for life to evolve. Jobu and her mother sit atop a mountain as rocks, literal incarnations of the earth, in a universe that no longer requires them to search for meaning. Their problem has been erased. Theoretically, they could remain their for eternity, thus avoiding the big question altogether. However, in a symbolic leap of faith, Jobu and her mother are depicted throwing themselves off the side of the cliff, their hardened figures plummeting towards an existence of bizarre mundanity. The boulder is once again situated at the foot of the mountain. This scene pays dividends in adding to the film’s philosophy for a new generation. What could be a society of depraved souls desperate for meaning can instead be a collective of minds sewn together by the understanding that happiness and the absurd go hand in hand. Jobu Tupaki and her mother have left their problem unsolved, thus they are unrestrained. They have found certainty within uncertainty. Camus concludes his essay: “One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”"

https://medium.com/@noahalantaylor/the-philosophy-of-everything-everywhere-all-at-once-12327d3c9e7b#:~:text=The%20Philosophy%20Behind,imagine%20Sisyphus%20happy.%E2%80%9D

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Call of The Night

This is the anime of a song. It doesn’t follow the plot of the song. It follows the vibe of a song, and that song inspired the manga, and then, the manga got made into an anime and that anime got to have the ending theme be the song that inspired it, and the same band made the opening theme, because they had already, in their music, defined this anime.

And damn if it don’t feel like a hell of a song.

Call of the Night is a 2022 anime, which means that, it seems, it has a higher than normal chance of being completely gonzo good, and while I wouldn’t necessarily think this is one of the best of its year, I liked it a lot and I can imagine a situation where if it wasn’t competing with say, Summer Time Rendering or Bocchi The Rock or Do It Yourself or Chainsaw Man or Spy Family or My Dress Up Darling or Birdie Wing or oh no I am committed to this bit and there’s a lot more to go, or Lycoris Recoil or Witch From Mercury or Akiba Maid War or My Master Has No Tail or The Executioner And Her Way Of Life then chances are it’d be one of the best anime of the whole year.

Call of the Night is a story about an insomniac guy called Kou, who is apparently fourteen years old, who starts missing school because he’d rather roam around at night, on his own, in the privacy of the vast dark of a dull city, an impulse that makes sense to me as someone who was also fourteen but I lived at the time, in places with population density like seawater, and where going out at night meant not seeing anyone, as opposed to this guy who lives in Tokyo. While out, he meets Nazuna, a vampire.

Yeah, a vampire.

Nazuna is the intersection of ‘fanservice sex-bomb’ and ‘extremely stupid gremlin,’ and her impression on Kou leaves him wanting to become a vampire too, something that she asserts can only happen if he falls in love with her. He thinks that seems reasonable, and what ensues is a mix of workplace drama, chill hangout vibes, oddly wholesome relationship building as a boy learns what it means to love someone, and then it takes a hard sweve into vampire drama, that you’d probably have expected to show up earlier.

The manga Call of The Night replicates is very long, compared to the short twelve episodes of the anime, and I wouldn’t really recommend watching the anime if what you want is that long haul. Consider it a sort of tasting platter for the manga, which I understand goes longer and involves more expansion into the vampire politics-as-romance-metaphor space. I didn’t read it, but I did chat with some friends to double check some themes in the anime in case I misread something.

And I liked it!

Here, just in the same way I used Shikimori’s Not Just A Cutie to talk about social transition timelines (or did I), I figure that Call of the Night is a really interesting avenue to talk about demisexuality.

Here’s the basics of the theory: Asexuality is not a simple ‘on off’ switch for people, it’s a gray spectrum with a lot of different modes and means. Allosexuals (people who aren’t asexual), as observed by asexuals (you know, people outside of our behaviour, who aren’t necessarily interpreting confusing signals, and just observing our behaviour), demonstrate primary sexual attractions, then secondary sexual attractions. Allosexuals definitely have things that they can visually notice and react to that demonstrate a sexual attraction, but they also have things that aren’t related to that kind of observation or experience that can in turn, provoke sexual excitement.

Following this, first, in that ‘primary’ mode, there’s things like being attracted to tall people or green people or redheads and I am trying to be very careful about this because we get into some complex ways people interact with perception and persona and jerking off here. Then there’s the ‘secondary’ stuff where you can be sexually attracted to someone because they have a preference for eating apples or they like you looking at hockey games or knowing they also say the word maize like it’s three syllables long. And these examples are all chosen to be deliberately odd so nobody feels selfconscious about their specific kinks (though, know that they’re all based on real kinks I’ve really encountered), but they’re just examples made to make you laugh. Most often, secondary sexual attraction is a byproduct of emotional engagement, and kinks are just ways to signify that emotional engagement – I will not judge you or hate you for this specific complicated ritual you and I need to engage in. I accept you. I may even be excited to accept this part of you.

A conventional, simple vision of asexuality is that neither of these things is available. There’s a pair of gates that potential partners need to pass through to activate the Wants To Do Things part of the brain, and for the simplest explanation of asexuality, they do not have those gates. Not ‘nobody can pass through them,’ the gates are not there. This is nothing that’s going to pass through and set the flags or tip the linedefs or whatever.

Demisexuality, however, is the idea that while there’s no primary gate, there is a secondary gate; that a demisexual person does have a sexuality that can be engaged, it can only be engaged after the development of a deep emotional connection. And given the way a lot of allosexual relationships can start out as a crush where you want to get to hang out with the person in case you can wind up having sex with them, then realise you just like hanging out with them and now you have a great new friend you like, demisexuality can go in the exact opposite way where you get someone into your friend zone, which rules, because friends are cool and having friends is great and then after a long period of emotional establishment you realise that to your surprise you also wanna do sexy things with them.

This is obviously confusing and complicated and it can be part of the eternal whirling dance of people wanting to do sexual things with one another, and it’s just a simplified example of the sexuality, which is where the terminology started. But there’s the idea: Demisexuality is the idea of a sexual interest that is only activated after the establishment of an intense emotional attachment. Besties To Besties Who Also Have Sex. And when you’re aware of demisexuality, it’s only a hop skip and a jump to demiromantic relationships – ones where characters aren’t capable of engaging romantically until after they’ve established an emotional connection.

This may strike you as being ‘just normal’ in which case, may I suggest you go check out the ace forums and see if maybe they’re talking to you.

Kou’s sexuality or romantic attraction are literally part of the narrative of the story, and that means examining them is something the show actually does. Kou wants to fall in love with Nazuna, which is a weird thing to say like that because falling in love isn’t a thing most people tend to assign themselves like a project. It indicates to me that Kou isn’t very connected to what ‘being in love’ means, and that could mean that he’s a fourteen year old, that’s pretty reasonable, people are working themselves out. Later in the series we get a pretty bold declaration that he doesn’t see attraction in terms of gender, either to Nazuna or a boy hitting on him, so, based panromantic prince I guess.

I don’t think this series is trying to be about a demiromantic boy trying to work out what it means to love an extremely horny girl for the first time. I think this is a series about hot and horny vampires doing cool things and the boy bouncing around with them in stories that are goofy and fun and funny. I still think though, that if you want to point to a character in media who describes being demiromantic without ever knowing the word existed, this is one of the best examples I’ve seen.

Call of the Night is a pretty cool anime with some chill vibes and a few different genre ideas going on under the hood, and it is very horny, so I can understand that being a turnoff to watching it. Me, I find Nazuna, the character, too much of a likeable idiot to really dislike the anime. I mean who doesn’t have a bestie who loves lewd jokes and falls to pieces at the idea of being emotionally honest with you and also likes to suck the blood out of your fingertips?

Surely it’s not just me.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Anime #PrideMonth #Media #StoryPile

[talkingtothetallman]

Be a Scholar

2022.

What a year this has been. It's been one filled with highs of great proportion and void of deep sorrows, for that which I'm thankful! If I had to classify all the fruit from this year and combine them into one word, it'd mostly likely be growth.

Yes, after sitting here for a moment, I believe growth is a good word to sum up 2022.

This has been a year of growth, all different sorts of growth at that. Growth is such a powerful concept and reality that God has blessed man with. I believe that all experiences are meant to be used to grow, whether that be physically, mentally, spiritually. In those three areas correspond these titles of mine:

Me as an employee. Me as a husband and father. Me as a disciple of Christ.

Let's knock the first one out of the way. This was my first full calendar year as a UPS driver, and admittedly I really love my job. Genuinely, I do. This is what I want to do for the rest of my career, and by God's grace I won't get injured and thus put my career as a driver to an end. Over the course of the year I've had two routes to myself, covered most of the routes in the building (and lots of which I learned quite well), and accomplished one year of safe driving. Not bad for a year's work! But at the end of the day, a job is a job. It doesn't truly define who I am. Because when I punch out, I don't really punch out. Not truly anyway.

Being a husband and father really humbles you to the point of making you wonder if you're really ready for life's challenges. Things seem so perfect when you see them with a certain lens of a single guy living at home, wanting only to be married and be a dad. And the best way to describe those things is that they are perfectly imperfect. I'm not perfect, and Abby isn't perfect. Therefore, our marriage isn't perfect. I'm not perfect, and Quincy isn't perfect. Therefore, I'm not able to be a perfect father to a perfect son. Life isn't that simple, and thankfully God knows that.

Being a dad is a wonderful thing though! It's kind of a surreal feeling looking into your child's eyes and thinking, "I helped make him." He's beautiful. He's joyful. He's innocent. He's so loved. It's truly amazing to look at Quincy and see him grow into a curious, fun little toddler. If he isn’t sitting, he’s running as if he's always late. He even says "go, go, go" so I suppose that proves it :) But the growth of being a dad who shepherds his child down the right path has already started. Even if he doesn't speak in full sentences, he's rebellious by nature. He likes to skirt the limits of what is okay, and what is not. He's pretty good though about knowing what no means. He even shakes his head.

It is by His grace that our marriage is strong. I love my wife more everyday, because she proves herself faithful to me, even when I don't deserve it. There are days when I need her because I'm feeling really sick. There are nights that I come home and just need her to listen while I rant about how stupid UPS is (believe me, there are some days!). And there are also mornings that I wake up with her next me and just think, "Dang, I get wake up next to this pretty girl every morning." She's just wonderful in so many regards, and I love her to death! But as alluded to earlier, being a husband isn't always easy. There are so many challenges, so many times that you think you're doing the right thing, and then you realize you aren't. Those are the times that you see your growth. Those are the times you realize how flawed you are and how much you need Jesus. And those are the times that God has given you to see how much you love your spouse. She is the one. Forever and Always. Your job is to learn your wife, to grow with your wife.

My job is also learn about my Savior. That's one of my New Year's resolutions, because this year I really fell short in that area. I spend too much time thinking I know, rather than taking the time to truly know and truly understand my God. I still love my Lord, I still long to serve Him thoroughly and completely. But also I realize how I need to take the time to study his Word, giving Him my full, undivided attention in my life. Man, I really stink at that. I feel like that verse in James, where it says that the one who hears but doesn't do is like a man who looks in a mirror and at once forgets what he looks like. I feel that so deep, because I often forget how sinful I am, comparing myself to others and saying, "You're better than they are." How foolish I am! It's a constant battle of fighting the flesh. But You never stop pursuing me Jesus! You keep loving me despite my shortcomings! All praise to You!

Growth. Yes, that is a great word to describe 2022. But I want to move beyond growth in 2023. I want to be a scholar.

A scholar is someone who strives to learn, who chooses to study a specific thing. Whenever I got the door for my mom when I was younger, my dad would say, "A gentleman and a scholar." I think those are two words that should be described of a man: someone who treats everyone with respect, and someone who never stops learning. To stop learning is to think you're complete and perfect. I am not that. You are not that. Therefore, to continue to learn is of the utmost importance! Everything in my life, from my wife and son, to our first house, to my walk with Jesus, requires learning, especially from the times failure seems to be inevitable. But with that failure comes an opportunity to grow much deeper as a human, a man, and a Christian.

Thank you Lord for the ability to learn! Teach us to be more like you, and lead us to repentance when we aren't. Amen.

Here's to 2023, to a year scholarly learning!

[collapsedsquid]

I would gladly read the book you wrote about the weirdness of Terra Invicta’s whiggism.

OK the thing that's the most striking but I still gotta figure out is the goddamn factions. So I gotta play through some more of em because they do seem to have some interesting building as they develop their views through the early game, I’ve been doing the resistance and gave the protectorate a brief shot. 

But they seem fucking weird man.  We got “fight the aliens“ and “fight all aliens“ as two separate factions?  We got “appease aliens“ vs “obey aliens“ vs “convince aliens we are equal“ as separate opposing factions, dudes the aliens haven’t communicated with you at all these plans make no sense I don’t get how you conceived of them.  And you got “we gotta flee earth in spaceships“ which OK I guess I can’t see how you think that would help, surely you’re likely to meet more aliens and be less able to repel them but you could try it? (Also there’s the “We gonna make money” faction which OK I guess you can do that, idunno)

“Resistance” though, the default “we gotta fight them“ seems to be defined by “we are the reasonable ones“ which as a self-conception makes sense but I really hope there is some criticism of at some point cause otherwise it just seems stupid, “Here your choice is the reasonable sane faction or a bunch of deluded weirdo factions, which one do you want?“

There are other things though, the measures of "democracy" that are measured along with "cohesion" feel like they came out of The Economist. Also baffled that one of the big interest groups you gotta capture in a lot of countries is "trade unions." You need trade union support, in the year 2022, for launching a space program more than you need finance?

I gotta play to at least the midgame to get an idea of Invicta’s whiggishness though, and with it being a slow game and me loving to restart things that might take a while.

[silverfoxlou]

Louis Tomlinson Hugs His Biggest Fan on ‘Late Late Show,’ Reminisces About Horrifying One Direction Hotel Pranks

Billboard, September 14 2022

"That is an actual torture," James Corden said of one of the singer's pranks.

Louis Tomlinson has the most dedicated fans. James Corden proved it to him on the Late Late Show on Tuesday night (Sept. 13) when he presented the former One Direction star with a series of images featuring some of the creative signs at gigs on Tomlinson’s recently concluded world tour.

“Delayed surgery for this,” read one. “Don’t do that!” Tomlinson laughed in response. Others read, “If u want another dog I can bark” and “You’re like my tea: hot & British.” Louis said the signs definitely make him chuckle sometimes, but they’re also so distracting that if he tries to read them while singing, he often forgets his lyrics.

The best sign, though, was from a fan who double-fisted it, with one reading, “I have Faith in the Future that I will meet u today!” along with a “To do list” that just read “Meet Louis Tomlinson” three times. That young woman, Jessica, began waiting in line many hours before the late-night show’s taping, and when Corden asked if Tomlinson could help her cross things off her list, he happily obliged and ran up into the crowd to give her a huge hug.

Louis also answered the most pressing question: How does he keep himself entertained on the road? The singer described a favorite pastime that began in his 1D days and has carried through to the present. Basically it involves torturing any member of his entourage who goes to bed a bit too early after a night of drinking. “I get a master key in the hotel, which lets me in to every single room,” he explained, recalling a time a few weeks ago when one of his managers turned in before 11.

“Didn’t do anything too bad, just screamed in his face, seen him cower a little bit and ran out,” Tomlinson explained. “Just silly antics you get up to on tour.”

Corden, however, noted that “that is actually how they torture people.” Without skipping a beat, Tomlinson then gleefully recalled that in the 1D days, they once grabbed an ice bucket of water and threw it on a sleeping security guard, then watched as the unwitting man was shocked out of his slumber after sucking up the water and thinking he was drowning.

“NO!!!” Corden yelled as Tomlinson said it was “the best” night. “That is an actual torture,” Corden and fellow guest Adrien Brody agreed. “What you’re describing as great hijinks is genuinely trauma-building for these people,” James said.

Tomlinson stuck around to play the ballad “Bigger Than Me” from his upcoming album Faith in the Future. “It was challenging coming out of a band the size of One Direction and then kind of finding your feet musically,” he said about his 2020 debut solo album, Walls. And though he’s “immensely” proud of that album, the singer described the trial and error process one goes through at the start of your career as a way of saying that Faith more clearly defines him as an artist. “It makes me really proud, definitely,” he said.

As for the most difficult question Corden had cued up for his old friend — one he said he gets pretty much every time he goes on social media — i.e., will he kidnap Tomlinson and the former members of 1D? “It makes me uncomfortable,” Corden admitted as Tomlinson wondered why anyone would want that.

“I could kidnap you and put you in a room and make you perform together one more time,” Corden surmised of the strange requests. “Are you open to being kidnapped?” he wondered.

“That’s definitely a question I’ve never been asked before,” Tomlinson said with a pleasantly concerned look. “By the right person,” he concluded, before asking what the exact process would be and then laughing when James said it would probably involve a master key of some sort.

Watch Tomlinson chat about his hotel hijinks and perform “Bigger Than Me” below.

[spo0kythewitch]

On Meditation

4 Nov 2022

Lately I've been rereading some pretty foundational witchcraft books and they've really been turning my attention back to the basics. One of the things I've tried picking up again is meditation. I've never felt super adept at it and consequently it never really became a part of my practice. But I decided to give it another shot starting out with ten minutes in the morning when I wake up and ten minutes at night before I fall asleep with some mindful moments throughout the day as recommended in Jason Miller's "Protection and Reversal Magick."

Man I see a lot of people recommending meditation for baby witches but dude. This is some of the hardest shit I've ever done. It seems like as soon as I'm alone with myself I'm hit with every interaction I've had throughout the day all at once. Trying to focus through that is no joke. Screw the fancy "spiritual" postions, today I had to just lock myself into bed like Sara *relax* dude you need to *rest.*

That being said, I definitely have noticed a difference the past few days that I've been keeping up with it. My magick is more consistent, spirits around me are less volatile. It's been easier for me to see the forest from the trees. Where before I might have had a couple bad days that just blended together, now I'm able to notice small patterns and recognize that even a couple slip-ups don't define the sum of my experience.

My moods have a been a lot more mellow and (thankfully) I've noticed that I'm building more of a resilience to the stupid shit people do throughout the day. I'm not so easily annoyed and I don't take things so personal right off the bat.

That's been pretty valuable as I start to dip into spellwork. I can see the details of things start to play out which means I also have the opportunity to turn something negative around before it really sets in. I can recognize the need for a spell and actually see it's effects.

As for my day to day mental health and stress, I honestly think it's too soon to notice any lasting difference. However this is definitely a practice I've found value in and I think it's worth continuing. I won't say I've found more joy or peace but...stability? Maybe.

[inkofamethyst]

September 26, 2022

I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I HAD MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH A POTENTIAL ADVISOR AND I THINK IT WENT REALLY WELL AHHHHH

Now that my list of places has been reduced significantly (down to only seven from the twelve I was originally thinking about omg), I’ve got a plan for when I’m contacting people.  I’ve got this, I’ve got this.  I will admit that I’m working my way up to contacting the Ivy League Dude though lol.  I need to be real intellectual for that conversation.

Also,,,, switching gears, Michael Giacchino has done it again.  The Lightyear soundtrack was really quite good.  Difficult to say if I’d call it memorable because I’m so biased towards The Incredibles and Ratatouille and Up and even Lost because those are iconic and they’ve had time to “age like fine wine.”  But it was good, and the movie was cute (and Chris Evans has a hot voice).  Honestly the whole ~gay kiss~ was sort of a blink-and-you-miss-it deal but I also understand that even that kind of representation is something that is fought for.  Not every piece of representation can be as overly-dramatic as the first interracial kiss on television, and sometimes that’s okay.

Speaking of movies, I also finally saw Inception and I have a few comments.  First, I really enjoyed it.  It sits in sort of the same category as Tenet and The Matrix and I enjoy that type of scifi (unless it’s confusing just to be confusing which was the case with Tenet I think, but maybe I just need to watch it again).  Second, the term “inception” literally just means the beginning of something.  And I’ve known that denotation for a while, but culturally, when someone says that something is “like Inception” they mean that it is confusing or multi-layered.  I didn’t find the movie confusing, but I did enjoy the layered aspect, and I think it’s really interesting how media can enter our lexicon that way.  Same with The Matrix: “oh I’ve seen [something weird], that must be a glitch in the matrix” is something that I vaguely understood had to do with a movie, but I didn’t really understand the reference until I saw the reference material, just that the connotation was “the world as we see it is a little strange, and perhaps there’s more to it than meets the eye.”  There was also the whole red-pill blue-pill thing which I’d heard but didn’t get at all until I watched the movie (I’m talking about the meanings pre-pillsphere, in case it wasn’t obvious).  Third, apparently the Inception soundtrack (which I listened to a bunch in high school because I was into “epic music” then (like Two Steps From Hell type stuff)) was sort of the ~inception~ of the epic cinematic music genre which Hans Zimmer is so well known for.  The hefty brass, the brazen percussion, the building strings, weightless climaxes followed by more brass... It’s really cool to contextualize such a defining piece of this genre that, truly, Hans Zimmer does best most successfully.  That man is everywhere.  Though, I do wonder if/when tastes will shift?

To switch gears entirely I’m not actively trying to date anyone right now (to be frank I’m going to be there’s a good chance I might be a miserable person until, like, March, and I don’t wanna put anyone else through that (this... this might be a manifestation of low self-esteem, actually, um, hm (I have half a mind to try my uni’s counselling center but I’m so busyyyy (and also I’ve got the whole “I’ll fix myself just you wait” issue which isn’t helping (and and and now that I’ve stated out loud that I’m going to I might be miserable ‘till March, this has really got me thinking that I might just get the whole seasonal affective disorder thing lol))))) but reading [_____] x reader headcannons for a fandom I don’t even really interact with much (showed up unprompted on my feed I promise) sure does have me feelin some kinda way (the kind of way that makes you want to pound on your desk, to be specific).  Listen I understand entirely that those are idealized fantasies and real life doesn’t work that way.  I like reading about the cute stuff but god help me if anyone lays a hand on me I might combust.

ANYWAY today I’m thankful that the conversation went well :)

[edit] It’s 2:30 in the morning but I sent my second potential advisor email out!!!  Time for bed, finally.

[gimmedafood]

Alternate Zoyalai Olympic AU

So, this is just a variation of the Olympic AU/headcanons that @wafflesandkruge came up with, so I hope you enjoy.

FYI: Zoya attended her first Olympic Games when she was 16. The year is 2022. Zoya is 24 years old, Nikolai is 25. Zoya has been to 3 Olympic Games, and this is Nikolai’s first.

Chamonix Winter Olympics 2022: Events to Watch

Return of the Little Dragon

All eyes will be on the return of Zoya Nazyalensky (RUS), this year. Nicknamed the ‘Little Dragon’ by her fans, Nazyalensky became a sporting legend after her spectacular wins in Sochi, 2014, and Pyongchang, 2018.

Unfortunately, her competitive career was sidelined following a car accident nearly two years ago, an event that also caused the tragic death of her fellow Team Russia figure skater, Alina Starkov. Nazyalensky spent a year recuperating from her injuries, during which she was rarely seen in the public eye.

Nazyalensky’s return to competition at the National Championships resulted in a close win, and it is yet unclear how she will fare against international rivals. Will we witness another magnificent flight of the Little Dragon, or is this comeback doomed to disappoint?

Ice Hockey: Men’s Competition

A Sibling Rivalry

Fun fact: Nikolai Lanstov, newly crowned captain of the French Men’s Ice Hockey Team, is not the only one in his family making headlines. His half brother Vasily has been stirring up trouble at home, claiming Nikolai to be a fraud.

The brothers are known for their strained relationship, but rumor has it that Vasily may be present in the audience during his brother’s gold medal match. Will Vasily’s presence be a thorn in Lanstov’s side, or will these Winter Games lead to reconciliation? Either way, keep your eyes on the crowd!

-‘-‘-

Zoya stamped the snow off of her boots before the entrance of the Athlete’s Village cafeteria. The building itself was uninspiring, but it served food that catered to the Olympian’s strict training diets and anything more appetizing was too far away to venture without security. At least the guards kept the press and fans away from their homes for the month.

She was taking a moment to breathe on her cold hands when she become aware of someone standing beside her.

“Amazing, isn’t it?” a deep, clearly male voice said.

Zoya turned to see a tall, blonde man with a child-like smile on his face, one gloved hand pointed at the Olympic torch across the square.

She glanced over him quickly, taking in his appearance like she’d been taught to size up competition.

He was just over six foot in height, defined muscles under his Team France jacket, even though he was covered in an assortment of scarves and hats. Messy, coppery-gold hair, chocolatey hazel eyes, and a strangely familiar face. He was about her age, and he was not bad, not bad at all.

“Let me guess,” she said, smirking underneath her scarf. “This is your first Olympics?”

The man went slightly pink, “Uh, yeah.”

“You get used to it, newbie.”

The man blushed harder still, his stance shifting slightly. Zoya ignored him as she continued to slip out of her outer layers. The combination of insulated jackets and overcrowded, overheated cafeteria would result in an uncomfortable personal sauna if she wasn’t careful.

She pushed her deep blue scarf down from her face and the man’s eyes widened.

“You’re the Little Dragon!” he gasped, his tone filled with admiration. “I watched you win gold in Pyongchang. That last jump series was sensational! Almost as good as your routine in Sochi. I watched that with my roommates in college!”

Warmth rose in her cheeks and she quickly frowned to cover it. “Wow, that doesn’t make me feel old at all.”

“I didn’t mean to imply...” the man’s expression immediately shifted from awe to horror; and Zoya decided to take pity on him. It was clear that he was puppy, innocent and sweet.

“Don’t sweat it, newbie.”

The man inclined his head. “Even so, I apologize.”

His apology seemed genuine, at least. Maybe he wasn’t just another beefcake jock boy. Interesting...

“You’re from France, da?“ Her accent made the word sound more like ‘vour’ than ‘you’re.’

The question seemed to let the man bounce back from his clear embarrassment. “Yes. I’m Nikolai, Nikolai Lanstov. I’m in Men’s Hockey. It’s such an honor to meet you.”

He held out his hand to her and Zoya accepted, gently laying her small hand in his as she tried not to smile at his polite manners. Now she remembered where she had seen him before. His face was on all of the Chobani commercials she’d seen since arriving in the Olympic City.

“Zoya Nazyalensky, Figure Skating. But you already knew that, clearly.”

Nikolai chuckled at that. It was a very warm sound, happy and clear. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a fan.”

She couldn’t help smiling back at him. “This must be a big Games for you.”

Nikolai winced. “You don’t know the half of it. I was born in Chamonix, you know, got my start playing for the local team before I moved to America for a while. There’s a lot of expectations, even before I was made captain.”

He glanced down at the ground, letting out a long, slow breath. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging.”

“Brag away. Being Captain is a huge honor for someone as young as you and I.”

He looked up sharply, his ears turning pink in the chilly air. Really, he was too fun to tease.

“Cheer up, newbie. So you got a big break. That’s what happens in sports.”

Nikolai’s pretty face flickered between apologetic and defensive. “I just don’t want to let anyone down.”

Zoya bit her lip against the cold, the shift in the conversation making her uncomfortable. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”

Nikolai murmured something in reply that she didn’t catch, and the silence stretched between them, broken only by the muffled chatter inside the cafeteria.

“Your accent isn’t very French.” Zoya said, the silence making her blurt out the first thing that came to mind.

“I spent a lot of time in America as a kid,” he replied, seeming grateful for the distraction. “When I returned to France, I spoke English with the most New Yorker accent imaginable. My teachers hated it.”

Zoya couldn’t help it, the image of an awkward teenage Nikolai sitting in a French classroom and being scolded by his teacher made her huff out a laugh. “That’s adorable.”

His eyes crinkled, every inch of him a cute, golden retriever puppy. “I try my best.”

Zoya swallowed hard, instantly reminded of another pair of warm brown eyes and spun-gold hair. Her heart clenched.

“I’ll see you around, Nikolai.” She tried her best to keep her voice light and polite, but could hear the tremor that crept into the end.

She was turning for the doors when his voice stopped her again.

“I thought it was very brave of you to come back to competition. You know, after what happened. It must have been very hard.”

“Thanks,” She said, but she did not look back.

The Chamonix Winter Olympics Sum Up : Day Five

Nazyalensky ‘Proud’ of her result.

After months of rehabilitation and hard work, Zoya Nazyalensky (RUS) was crowned gold in the women’s figure skating finals, finishing just above newcomer Inej Ghafa (ENG) in her first Olympics.

Ghafa transitioned from gymnastics to figure skating only two years ago, after a shoulder injury rendered her incapable of competing.

When asked about the result at a post-event press conference, the ever-competitive Nazyalensky surprised onlookers by congratulating and thanking each of her competitors and coaches profoundly, something rarely seen from the notoriously cold skater. She said she was ‘happy with my result and my performance.’

When questioned further on her emotional state during the competition, Nazyalensky admitted that her late teammate and close friend, Alina Starkov, was frequently on her mind.

“Honestly, I cannot think of a day during this Games that Alina hasn’t been on my mind. Her passing inspired my routine for the finals and this medal is dedicated to her.”

‘Teammate.’ ‘Close friend.’

Zoya closed the news sight in disgust. It was true that she and Alina had always acted platonic and playfully competitive in public, and it was also true that they had never really publicized their relationship, but the ability of the press to completely miss the obvious always astounded her.

Still, at least the madness of the press conferences and interviews were mostly over with, leaving her free to enjoy the beauty of Chamonix’s many bars and frozen lakes and ponds in the lead up to the Closing Ceremony.

She was pulling on her gloves outside of the Athlete’s Village when she spotted Nikolai standing on the sidewalk, surrounded by a gaggle of chattering teenagers that she vaguely recognized as the American Figure Skating Team. They seemed to be asking him for autographs, which he was supplying readily, if a bit in surprise.

She only really recognized one of them, a tiny blonde girl who had taken bronze in the Finals, just below Zoya and Inej.

Zoya hung back, not wanting to interrupt, but then Nikolai spotted her standing in the shadow and waved cheerily, his handsome face splitting into a wide smile.

The team turned to see who he was waving at, and the tiny blonde one let out a shriek, one that Zoya didn’t understand, try as she might. Suddenly, she was surrounded by noisy teenage girls, each eagerly asking for her autograph in varying levels of Russian.

She scribbled something on each of the scraps of paper thrust at her, and even remembered to thank the pint-sized medalist for competing. As quickly as they had surrounded her, the girls ran off in a happy rabble.

Nikolai came striding over to her, his hands thrust into his pockets and a big grin splashed across his face.

“They seem to admire you.” She murmured as he drew near.

“Not nearly as much as they admire you.” His grin widened. Zoya finally finished pulling on her gloves. Contrary to rumor, she did not actually enjoy the cold in real life.

“Want to bet they have posters of you on their walls?” She jibed, smirking slightly.

“Right next to posters of you, I’m sure. They only like me for my looks.”

Zoya rolled her eyes, but she could not help the grin spreading across her face. She had forgotten what it felt like to be a role model. The thought was equally as terrifying as it was flattering.

“Congrats on your gold,” She said, nudging Nikolai with her elbow.

As predicted, Nikolai blushed a brilliant pink. “Thanks. Congrats on your gold, I- uh, I saw your interview.”

Of course he had.

“How does it feel? Being the favorite son of France?”

Nikolai let out a long breath. “It’s a relief more than anything else. It was such a close game.”

“Which you deserved to win.”

“As did you.” Nikolai seemed to lean down towards her, then pulled back as if second guessing himself. “The way you told your story was...truly magnificent.”

Oh, the man did know how to charm. Zoya gave him another once over, assessing him again. Looks like a god, probably fucks like a god too.

“So, Sobachka,” Zoya remarked, too casually as she used the new nickname she’d come up with. Puppy. “I’m sure you’ve heard how wild the post-medal parties can get?”

Nikolai blinked, confusion flickering across his face before he caught her meaning. “I did hear something to that effect.”

“Well...” she let her voice drag, an unspoken promise lingering. “I can’t say how wild things could be, but would you like to grab a drink?”

Nikolai closed his mouth then reopened it, suddenly bearing a strong resemblance to a stunned haddock. “With you?”

“No, genius, with the woman standing behind me.”

He actually looked over her head, and Zoya was about to give the suggestion up as a lost cause when Nikolai came back to his senses. “Sorry, it’s just. You were my hero. You are my hero. I may have to hit myself.”

“You mean pinch yourself?”

Nikolai nodded vigorously. “That too.”

She rolled her eyes but took his arm all the same. “C’mon, Sobachka. Let’s get us some liquor.”

Rinkside Gossip

Nikolai Lanstov: Following His Heart?

French captain Nikolai Lantsov has announced that he will be accepting a contract in the ICFR this upcoming season. While this will certainly come as a blow to France and his home team, Chamonix Foxes, it could be that Lanstov has more than a fat paycheck on his mind. Our sources have spotted him several times, sharing drinks with a certain Russian figure skater...

[frontproofmedia]

What's Next For Dmitry Bivol?

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By Sina Latif

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Published: November 11, 2022

"When going into the ring, I have always had it in my mind that I would be the conqueror. That has always been my disposition."  -- John L. Sullivan

Dmitry Bivol always seeks the most challenging fights, then has a knack for remaining coolly confident throughout the build-up, performing as required on the night to get the victory, with the unique ability to simultaneously exude humility. He believes in his ability and game plan. The talking will be done in the ring. Talking away from the ring when opponents try to convince themselves, and opponents can give the public their chances.

After the WBA light heavyweight champion’s excellent display against Gilberto “Zurdo” Ramirez in his tenth title defense, Bivol stated: “The lion is not the biggest animal in the jungle, but he’s King. Yeah Zurdo is bigger than me, it doesn’t matter.”

Bivol has the mentality of a champion, with unshakable confidence due to his control, discipline, and ability to use an opponent’s aggression against him.

Bivol’s unanimous decision win in Abu Dhabi was his first outing since his career-defining win against Saul ‘Canelo’ Alvarez back in May 2022. This has been a break-out year for the Kyrgyzstan-born technician, as he has gone from the purist’s favorite to somewhat of a mainstream attraction.

A legit test, a perceived genuine threat, was made to look easy. Naturally, attention has now shifted to Bivol’s next move. Usually, these “What’s next?” pieces have many options to choose from for fighters, with numerous contenders and pretenders to the throne. In Bivol’s case, there are only really two genuinely viable options. These are the rematch against Canelo, with the weight class for the fight, whether at 168 lbs or 175, to be determined, or a light heavyweight undisputed showdown against WBC, IBF, and WBO champion, Artur Beterbiev.

Speaking to ID Boxing prior to the fight, Bivol said: “I want to be undisputed champion in light heavyweight. This is my goal. I want to have more belts. I want to move forward. Doesn’t matter who’s my opponent, I just want to fight for the belts.”

Bivol reinforced his wishes after the Ramirez fight. He has a true champion’s mindset, prioritizing legacy over money.

If boxing were straightforward, Bivol vs. Beterbiev would be next. Bivol wants Beterbiev; the pair hold all the belts, Bivol has just disposed of his mandatory challenger, and the winner will create history. However, more often than not, boxing doesn’t work how we would like it to. If it did, we would be looking ahead to Tyson Fury vs. Anthony Joshua and Errol Spence Jr vs. Terence Crawford in the coming months, not Tyson Fury vs. Dereck Chisora and Terence Crawford vs. David Avanesyan. The fights that usually make the most sense are not the fights we usually get.

Beterbiev is the most dangerous puncher in the light heavyweight division and one of the most brutal punchers in the sport. Boxing’s only active champion with a 100% knockout rate, with 18 knockouts in 18 fights. That is the man Bivol wants in the ring.

Beterbiev is set to face WBO mandatory challenger Anthony Yarde in early 2023. Assuming Beterbiev prevails, which he is massively favored to do so, there would be a stylistically colossal showdown on our hands. The master boxer against the wrecking ball. A wrecking ball with underrated boxing ability which hits extremely hard to the head and body. Beterbiev, although having compiled an impressive resume in his 18 professional fights with wins against the likes of Oleksandr Gvozdyk, Marcus Browne, and Joe Smith Jr, has never faced a fighter as skilled as Bivol. This is a fight we should all get behind and clamor for vehemently.

Bivol is aware that there might be obstacles, and the Canelo rematch is a fight that team Canelo and Eddie Hearn seem to be really pushing for. There would undoubtedly be big financial rewards for Bivol in a Canelo rematch, but the public’s desire for this rematch is a lot less than before their first encounter in May. Bivol is not as keen on that fight as the first time, and the general public feels the manner in which Bivol outclassed Canelo the first time was conclusive enough, with no rematch required.

Boxing seems to have developed a bad habit of delaying big fights. “Marination” is nothing new in boxing. Giving a potential mega-fight some time to get bigger and truly whet the public’s appetite has always existed in boxing. However, it never used to take this long. The big fights take so long to transpire, that the boxing community starts to lose interest.

Beterbiev vs. Bivol is the fight to make right now. If not the absolute next fight, then as close to next as possible. Bivol is 31 and in his prime. Beterbiev is 37, turning 38 in January. Although Beterbiev is coming off a very impressive two-round destruction of Smith Jr, time is not on his side. The time for this showdown is ripe. Any further delays are just a waste of time.

(Featured Photo: Mark Robinson/Matchroom Boxing)

[joestreng]

PSX Picayune – Mid-Season Awards Edition

Like crazed raccoons who fell into a barrel of fermented berries, PSX owners have been wheeling and dealing for an exciting stretch run. As we hit the All-Star Break, it’s time for the first-ever PSX Mid-Season Awards!

(By the way, this was written by the Commish, not a CBS Sports bot.)

“We Suck, but Not for Long” Award: October Knights

Nobody tanks better than the back-to-back-to-back defending champs. It’s hard to find a team that’s better prepared for another run of dominance than Rob’s motley crew of massively talented youngsters with affordable contracts. You have been warned.

“Man with a Plan?” Award: Scott’s Tot’s

In their second year in the league, the team with arguably the best name is still defining a winning strategy. Is it built around solid group of prospects? A hodge-podge of guys who outperform their contracts? A couple of core vets having career years? Only Scott Dub knows for sure. (Or maybe he’s just making it up as he goes along. It’s a coin clip, really.)

“Let’s Make a Deal” Award: Scotch & Water

Trader Dan has been working the phones, emails, faxes, landlines and carrier pigeons to offer any player with a pulse to the rest of the league. If history is any indication, S&W could be battling for the Fields Cup again in the near future. 

“I’d Give My Right Arm for an Arm” Award: Diamond Bumms

With savvy trades to net some top prospects, the Bumms GM has assembled the building blocks for a future contender. In the meantime, his pitching staff of $2.50 cast-offs would be the worst in the league, if it weren’t for the Knights’ deliberate ineptitude. Mark might be bummin’ in 2022, but maybe he rebounds next year. Or not.

“How Soon Is Now?” Award: Savage Ropes

Every year, the Ropes scour high school and college baseball fields to find uncut gems that will serve as the foundation for a run of championships. The guys with the stop watches and clip boards grabbed another young stud selected in the 2022 MLB Draft this week. Will the strategy pay off in 2023? 2024? When the earth is swallowed by the sun? Time will tell.

“We’re Still In This?” Award: Chin Music

The 2022 season has had an unusual number of teams who still have a chance to finish in the money. Andy saw the opportunity and made a bold move to give up a long-term keeper for players that will serve him well in his dash for cash. What’s that? The Nat’s closer is done for the year? Oh. Bummer.

“No Sleep ‘Til Autumn” Award: Roid Rage

How does he do it? He’s got a young family, business responsibilities, anniversary trips to Vegas and Cardinals games on 24/7. Yet, the Young Stacey consistently finds himself in the top half of the PSX standings almost every year. Don’t be surprised to see this sleep-deprived GM make a couple of additional moves before the end of the year. Unless he nods off into a jar of baby food.

“Inaugural Austin Slater” Award: Vamanos Pest

Regardless of how the Pests finish in the standings, the 2022 Draft Night highlight was the bonkers $5.50 contract the team awarded to Austin Slater. In honor of this mind-blowing buy, The Commish has announced an annual award will acknowledge the most WTF? bid on draft night. (But hey, excellent job with the pitching staff, Craig. Really!)

“Walking Wounded” Award: Kiss My Astros

Has there even been a pitching staff that’s been as snake bit as KMA’s? Elbows. Shoulders. Heart problems. COVID. I’m pretty sure one guy was put on the IL with scurvy. And yet, if the season ended today, Steve would be counting some cash, thanks to … ummm … I don’t know, actually. Let me get back to you on that.

“I Drink Your Milkshake” Award: Ugly Finders

The Uglies ripped a page out of the Savage Ropes playbook on draft night and picked a bunch of post-pubescent prospects. Did it work? One out of four ain’t bad, especially if the one is an 18-year-old who swings a mean stick. Still, if you’re going to try to pull a Daniel Plainview on someone, bring a longer straw, since Scott struck oil with two out of three. (Oh, and Mike’s having a nice year, too.)

“Catch Me If You Can” Award: Vicious and Delicious

Daryl was EXTREMELY thoughtful on Draft Night. How thoughtful? Let’s just say his final picks took roughly the same amount of time as a Mike Hargrove at-bat in the late 70’s. (There was a reason Grover was called the Human Rain Delay. You can look it up.) The strategy might pay off with a third championship for V&D. Unless…

“ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?” Award: Joltin’ Joe’s

Only one team has finished the PSX season with a Perfect 60 across Batting categories: Scotch & Water’s 2015 champs. Next in the record books with 58 Batting points: October Knights’ 2011 champs. How about 57 Batting points? There are your 2011 champs S&W AND your 2018 champs October Knights. Does the trend hold up for 56 Batting points? Yup. That would be October Knights’ first championship in 2004.

What’s my point? I swear to God, if the Jolts’ pitching staff doesn’t turn this damn thing around, I will feed Max Scherzer and Aaron Nola to a pack of meth-addicted zombies.

Enjoy the rest of the season.

[psylynt-p]

Wednesday, February 16th, 2022

7:09 a.m.

Here to write about this past dream. Was awesome! Super interesting.

First thing I remember is being in a tent of hard plastic, slightly trapezoid-shaped. It was dark inside, with a tiny bit of light filtering in through the edges of the doorflap. I felt weird like I kind of couldn't breathe so I got up to go outside. When I opened the flap I saw a black sky filled with stars, and it all looked so much different than the sky ever has; felt smaller. there was a bright light off to the right, in the sky, and when I turned to look I could see it was somehow the sun. Also looked way different. There were other tents nearby, the ground was a brickish red, all sand with some rocks randomly about. It didn't get easier to breathe and then I saw a man come out of a tent to the right. He smiled at me and started walking over to talk, when suddenly there were brilliant streaks of light directly above us that turned out to be asteroids crashing on the surface of whatever planet this was(had a gut-feeling we were on the moon but it didn't make sense to me how we could breathe freely). I looked in the direction they were coming in from and saw a bunch more, some even seemingly at eye-level and yeah, started having to dodge some. Man with me started running around too, to avoid being obliterated by the crashing asteroids. Off to our left appeared a giant pyramid looked carved from a single stone, gray with marks in it like pocks? Had a large corridor cut in the middle, where we ran to for shelter. As we were running inside, others followed directly after. Once inside, seemed the scene abruptly changed, and we were then in a big library. It was filled with many books all looking normal, like books one would expect to find in a small university library, only thing weird was the foreign language printed on their covers. The group I was with was also confused by the books, all started looking through them to help make sense, try to figure the strange language out, or something... I came across a book with a kind of web-design on the cover, gave me vibes like it was a map book. I opened it up and saw drawings like a map of mountainous area next to a sea, with buildings drawn in it making it seem like a small town, rows of buildings of different sizes, one very large and long which felt like it could be the one we were in, that library. Showed it to the group then wandered outside and great, no more pyramid, no tents, no sandy rocks or anything like where we were behavior. Even the sky had changed, now the regular blue I'm used to, no longer dark as it had turned day, apparently. The place we were in was the one drawn in the map book, looking like an old English city, houses of brick and wood frame. Was a river right before us, a bridge to the left, and people across the way who saw us, began smiling and waving and then walking towards us. They looked Peruvian, mostly women, small and brown wearing traditional dress with those fancy hats. We meet them at the end of the bridge on our side and just listened to them go off excitedly about what we couldn't understand.

I don't remember much more past that, only traces of encountering wildlife, large lizards with what looked like leaves on the ends of their points(tails, elbows and such). Also remember another dream part much more mundane of me getting out a car with my family in it to buy my dad some scratch-offs in a gas station we'd just parked outside of. Ladies working the register really liked me, and so did the customers, though I recognized none of them and it seemed I was a stranger to them as well, they were all just really friendly.

Dream a major one, first like it I've had in forever, crazy real, defined, and lengthy. I'll prob stay thinking of it all day today at work, as much as I don't forget.