#man really tried to say the store doesn’t have tomatoes or almonds

[iwatcheditbegin]

I had a migraine and had to use instacart. Yeah this is why I don’t. And why I try to always get a female shopper if possible bc the male incompetence I am always subjected to. And I try not to make generalizations but this sounds like it’s an across the board experience . How are you telling me a store doesn’t have any tomatoes or almonds?

[scorpionyx9621]

What Each Member of the Bat Family Orders at Starbucks Because this hasn't been done before. From the lense of someone who was a Partner for 3 years.

Dick

Either get something super healthy like a black iced Americano or goes for High School Girl caramel frappucino with 1.5 inches of Caramel.

The man is usually coming into starbucks in a hurry but is always very polite. Has low-key flirted with every partner in the store.

He lives off of those Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Perfect Bars. But generally tries not to spend too much money at Starbucks.

If he does get a breakfast sandwich it's the Bacon Gouda.

Barbara

Very Iced Matcha Green Tea or London Fog vibes.

But her no-stop go to drink is a dirty chai with blonde espresso and one pump of Mocha.

Pre-pandemic Barbara would be the person who sits at the cafe working on her laptop, berating the whole brood for their performances on the previous night's trips.

Doesn't eat the food at starbucks UNLESS it's the holidays and she hoards Cranberry Bliss Bars like some type of feral goblin.

Jason

Any dark roast he can get on the machine (usually French roast from my store but he likes Italian better) or just a plain Nitro Cold Brew. Has unironically ordered the pink drink on occasion. Always asks for extra ice in his iced drinks.

He gives the energy that he's the one who knows everyone's names and is super polite but once people know he's the Red Hood everyone's just like 'yeah he gave off those vibes. He looked like he was going to snap my neck when I accidentally put Pumpkin spice in his Nitro but he still smiled and apologized profusely and insisted he'd take it.'

Sits in the cafe and reads. For hours on end. But never at a consistent time. Likes to come and harass Barbara occasionally.

Gets a Double-Smoked Bacon and puts a pack of Sriracha on it every time. And I mean every single time he comes in.

Tim

He likes Peet's better but gets either a red eye with extra shots or a Venti cold Brew with 6 packs of Stevia.

He swears it isn't about the caffeine but it's totally about the caffeine.

Always in and out quicky but will come back multiple times a day. Has rewards to use but always forgets them. Ends up saving them for Jason or Cass.

Gets the Taco Bell breakfast from the Taco Bell a block away because it's 8x better than anything at a Starbucks. Or he gets the Ham and Swiss Croissant.

Stephanie

Venti Vanilla Latte extra hot with an extra shot, short pull, skim milk. Or unironically a PSL. But ALWAYS with a pump of vanilla.

Always comes into the store with at least one other member of the Bat Family. Never EVER comes in alone. Always ends up snort laughing at one of the boys. Tries to convince either Damian or Jason to try to swallow a whole thing of cinnamon.

Unironically gets the salads and food boxes from the display. And always gets one every time she comes. Her favorite is the Chicken Quinoa bowl.

Go-to breakfast is the Bacon Guyrere Sous Vide egg bites.

Cassandra

She always comes in and tries something new! Even if she doesn't like what she got she always tries to find some way to analyze and experience the taste and flavor of the drink. Her favorite is still a blended Dragon Drink with whipped cream.

Everyone at the store loves her because her smile radiates through the whole store. She's like Jason in the sense that she's always super polite and super smiley but deep down everyone fears her. When the two come into the store together everyone is on edge but no one does anything less than smile.

Is on a mission to experience everything their is to life and that means experiencing everything once. She loves receiving recomendations from baristas and loves to hear what we have to think on certain beverages.

Her favorite breakfast item is an oatmeal cup with the nuts and chocolate chips.

Damian

When he's with his family? Almond Milk Hot Chocolate with a pump of peppermint. (He's "not supposed" to have caffeine yet) when he's alone? A grande Nitro cold Brew with Coconut milk and yet again, a pump of peppermint.

Brat. Just a brat. He's kind enough when paying and will usually take his drink without saying anything but if you mess up his drink he will make a scene.

Usually comes in with Jon and tries to get Jon into coffee. He hates it. But will always be Jon's sugar bestie and buy all of his drinks.

Doesn't like to eat the food at Starbucks. But when he does he gets an Almond Croissant.

Duke

Likes Dunkin better but will still go if he's with family. Usually gets a grande iced coffee with an extra pump of classic.

Is always super polite and very friendly to staff. Tries new seasonal items with Cass.

Is usually in and out pretty quickly non because he doesn't like the people or the atmosphere. He just is an in-and-out guy when it comes to fast food (No not the burger chain you west coast savages)

Ironically he really enjoys the spinach tomato feta wrap. Has given Tim money to buy one for him.

Bruce

Doesn't really like Starbucks but will go if his children ask him to come with him. Unironically likes Pike Roast and will drink it black because he's a monster.

Everything is too sugary for Bruce. He physically probably couldn't stand the menu at a Starbucks.

Always strikes up casual conversation with the partners and likes to secretly slide benjamin's in the tip jar. Even if the service was subpar.

He loved the Spicy Chorizo sandwich and way really sad when they got rid of it.

Alfred

Mildly pissed at all of his children for taking the equivalent of McDonalds for coffee over his food.

Refuses to give a red cent of his money to that chain.

Barbara bought him a London Fog one time and he begrudgingly admitted it was tolerable then proceeded to make Barbara one that was 80x better.

[bittys]

dads slutty new shorts are really a bear magnet - seirei - 1/3

READ ON AO3 

Pairing: reigen arataka/serizawa katsuya 

REBLOGS > LIKES 

Summary- Reigen decided to make his new highly attractive neighbor a pie as a "welcome/thanks for waking me up at six in the morning/sorry for your ugly house" gift. And it was a good idea at first, he thought, it coming out of the oven lopsided could have been the only problem. Until it turned out that the new neighbor, while highly attractive, was also allergic to almonds. Yikes. Seriously, who doesn't consider nut allergies?

...At least he gets a date out of it.

   Saturday morning, Reigen awoke to the sound of a buzzing truck engine and soft laughter. The frame of his bed was vibrating softly with the noise, the first time it had moved with such expeditious energy in a while. He groaned. It was early, he could tell as he carefully slid his eyelids open to the bronze sunlight that peaked underneath the cracked window and brought in the smell of last nights rain and early sunrise dew. He lolled his head over to the clock that shone in red, 6:37 A.M.    Who was awake, causing this much noise, at 6:37 in the fucking morning? Oh how he’d love to meet the bastard.    He rolled back over to the empty space next to him, stared for a moment, and then swung his legs over the mattress. There was no use in trying to sleep again, not with the constant vibrations of the truck parked but yet to be shut down out front. Beside the noise that seemed to come through louder when his bedroom door shut, the rest of the house was silent; Absent of the screaming, annoying kids that he loved so dearly. He shoved the curtain at the window by the front of the door aside, and squinted past the sun rays that painted across the pink and orange horizon, to see a large moving truck.    The house that been for sale since they had moved into the neighborhood six months ago had finally been sold, apparently, with a cost that wasn’t the absurdly high mortgage price. It was downright ugly. At first, Reigen had thought that it perhaps had been haunted or something, it couldn’t of been that bad. But the more he had to live next to it and look at the damned thing when he was parking, the more he realized that even the dead had to have taste. The dreary green topped off with the growing moss on the shutters was enough of a sight to make him want to go over and paint and clean the entire thing himself.    There was only one simple moving truck outside, the name of the company printed in bright orange on the side. A few movers came back and forth from the house to the truck, doing what you’d think they’d be doing, carrying boxes to-and-fro. But absent of the generic beige outfits the movers wore, was a taller man, thickened around the edges of his body, wearing a pair of track pants and a white sweater. By the ruffle of his dark hair and the shadow on his face, he looked as equally as tired as Reigen.        But hell, if he wasn’t attractive.    Reigen pulled the curtains shut and turned to the kitchen with a sudden need for a cup of coffee.    He poured his cup. Straight black, as always. And he sat on one of the leather stools at the island. The house was quiet without the kids up to make trouble. It made him shift awkwardly in his seat, like he didn’t know what to do with himself. Usually, when the kids weren’t up to bother him, he’d be talking with Ekubo, or sharing smiles, or ignoring the chatter on the television because they're too distracted with their own gossip and gentle kisses. But in the end, he did what he did best and left the house with a deafening silence. Reigen sipped his coffee.    He thought about the new man living next door. Perhaps he should strip his bitter mood with a bit of sweetness; he could make the new neighbor a pie. That wasn’t something he’d normally do… and hell, did neighbors even welcome each other with sweet pies and casseroles anymore? He wasn’t sure. But he was sure of the thoughts of disgraceful men in his head, how tired he was, and how maybe a bit of good karma would help him out. It didn’t have to be of good nature, did it? As long as he made it with kindness and love, he could totally write in pink icing: Sorry about your ugly house! Or say something along the lines of: Thanks for waking me up at six thirty in the morning and ruining my entire day! Whilst handing the man the pie.      Okay, so Reigen didn’t know much about how that worked. And that man was far too attractive to get something with such ill-mannered intentions. But he did know that there was an overwhelming amount of strawberries growing from his and the kids’ strawberry bushes planted in the pots in the backyard, and a package of almonds he’d bought a few months ago before he realized he absolutely did not like almonds. The kids could pick the strawberries, he could make the pie and bring it by during lunch later. It was a rare, yet good, idea.    For the good karma, not the hot men. Of course.    He pushed himself up from the barstool, leaving his coffee half-drunk. He pulled open the pantry door and located what he needed: Flour, sugar, salt, cornstarch, extract, shortbread cookies, and of course the opened bag of almonds with only one almond missing. He towered them in his arms to carry to the island and lay them out in the order they’d need to be in— not including the refrigerated items. He then slapped his hands together to brush off the stray flour accumulated on the bag and transferred to his hands from carrying, and turned to the fridge to do the same with the rest of the ingredients: butter, milk, and whipped cream.    It was 7:16 A.M by the time he began baking, and 8:40 A.M once the boys had awakened from their slumber. They came padding out of their shared room, eyes lazily half-lidded. “Smells good,” Mob mumbled as he rubbed a small fist against his eye.   Breathing in the sweet scent of the almond crust, Reigen pulled out the pie pan from the oven. The crust was baked a perfect golden brown, small cracks around the curve of the pan but smooth over the thick bottom. “Pie!” Reigen exclaimed, twisting to place the pan on the counter. He pulled off his pink mitts and kicked the oven shut with his foot. “Do you boys wanna go pick some strawberries for me? We’re gonna go visit the new neighbor today and I need it for the pie.”    “Only if we can have a slice,” Ritsu responded. He was already walking to the back door to flip the lock.    “If he offers it, sure. But don’t be spoiled,” Reigen said. “Mob?”    Mob shrugged. “Sure.”    Reigen gave them a smile and watched as they left to the backyard. It was a small deck surrounded by the limited greenery of the yard, but it was enough to carry a few medium sized planters pots for their growing fruits and vegetables. They didn’t get into the gardening hobby until Ekubo left, leaving them with less funds for food and outdoor activities like beaches and parks. Despite that, it was fun and good for bonding. So far, they had plenty of cucumbers, melons, tomatoes, strawberries, and other sorts of foods that they enjoyed better than store-bought.    They came back inside a few minutes later with strawberry stained fingers, pink around their mouths, and handfuls of dark red strawberries. They release them onto the counter, watching them roll across the surface before losing interest and scrambling up onto the barstools to watch Reigen instead. The both of them are in sync, leaning their cheeks onto their tiny fists. Reigen collected the strawberries off the counter. In the cup of his hands, he rinsed them of the soil and— a contribution from the children— stickiness, cut the leafy green tops off, and threw them into a bowl. He mashed them, poured sugar and a couple other ingredients in, and stirred.    “We have a new neighbor?” Ritsu asked. “Do you think they have kids?”    There only seemed to be a man present, but Reigen wasn’t sure. He found himself hoping that there weren’t any kids, that it was just a single man living on his own in an ungodly green house. “We’ll have to find out, won’t we?” He said as he poured the mixture on top of the crust. As soon as the mixture emptied the mixing bowl and filled the pan, apart of the crust crumbles. “Shit.”    He frantically tried to push the crust back into place with the tips of his fingers, but he was far too shaky and the crust was already too hard to shape. He sends a prayer to the Gods and simply covered it with the strawberry mixture and a spoon.    “You messed it up, Daddy,” Mob pointed out. Reigen rolled his eyes and shoved it into the oven, annoyance prickling at his chest.    “I did not. This is fine. It’s fine.” He clicked the button on top of the oven to start the baking again.        Brunch went by quickly, and the house was beginning to fill with the scent of bitter sweetness. After he cleaned up his mess, he poured himself another hot cup of coffee, and made bacon and eggs for the boys and himself. They ate with some chatter here and there, but it was mostly a comfortable silence until they finished eating.        “Will you marry the new neighbor, daddy?” Mob suddenly asked.    Reigen almost choked on the sip of his coffee. “Not in the foreseeable future,”    “But you’re making him a pie~” Ritsu chimed in, a song to his voice.    “Why don’t we go get dressed and decide on that when we bring it by?” Reigen set down his cup and smiled awkwardly, a tight grip at the sides of the stool to push himself down. The kids jump out of their seats with a clap to their feet as they run to their bedroom, apparently delighted by the idea of another marriage.    With Reigen’s own luck, the man is going to wind up married with five children. Or maybe 70 years old with a great skincare routine.    Reigen rinsed the plates and set them into the dishwasher, then retreated into his own bedroom to pick out clothing. It shouldn’t of mattered what he wore, but he found himself pulling things out of his drawers carelessly until he decided that nothing was right for the matter of occasion. He decided simply on a t-shirt and a pair of new pink shorts that reached barely mid-thigh. He’d recently bought them on sale at a thrift store. The kids didn’t hesitate to make fun of him for them. They exposed the coarse hair that rose to his thighs, and the fact that he never really went outside.   Mob and Ritsu are dressed when Reigen leaves the bedroom. They’re bouncing excitedly on the couch.    “Are you ready to go?” Reigen asked as he moved to the kitchen to pull the pie out of the oven. The thickly filling had seemed to cover the collapse for the most part, but it was still evident in the way the red leaked out and snuck between the crust and the pan. Yikes.    He pulled it out, wrapped the pie in foil, and they left the house.        The sun beamed down on their skin as they walked. Reigen was already sweating by the time they were half way down the sidewalk, an uncomfortably damp residue beneath his armpits. The moving truck was gone, and the outside of the ugly green house was absent of any other person. There’s a couple of small boxes on the concrete patio.    They walk up the dusty pathway, Mob and Ritsu trailing behind. Reigen used his hand free of the intense heat seeping through the tinfoil to ring the doorbell. The walls of the house are thin enough to hear the echo of the ring from the inside, and the sound of approaching footsteps. He straightened his back and checked the tinfoil that covered the pie to make sure of no flaws like a rip or a hole.    The doorknob twisted and the door swung open.    No woman or small child, it was the same man that he had seen out front earlier. This time dressed down to a white t-shirt, and the same tracksuit pants with white lines at the sides. He looked more rugged up close, but daringly attractive at the same time. His hair was a sweaty, ruffled mess. His beard far more lighter and sparse than what it looked to be through the window, and there are prominent bags under his eyes that could not have been visible from so far away.    “Oh! Company. Hello!” The man smiled through his tired look.    Reigen swallowed down the dryness working its way up his throat. The resent for his early rising was suddenly gone, replaced by heat buried deep in his chest. “We’re sorry to bug you, you must be busy unpacking and stuff. But we made you a pie to welcome you to the neighborhood.” He shoved the pie outwards with a lopsided grin. A bead of sweat rolled down his forehead. With the short pause in the conversation, Reigen scrambled for a grip on his introduction that was being pulled away by new infatuation. “Reigen Arataka, by the way. These are my two sons, Mob and Ritsu.”    The man looked down at the tin foil, then up from Reigen’s pink shorts to the two children behind him. Under the glaze of the sunlight, a flush creeped up his cheeks. “It smells great, thank you! I’m Serizawa,” He paused just as Reigen did, and then, “Katsuya. Sorry, Serizawa Katsuya. Hah, It’s been a long morning moving in this heat all alone.” He scratched the back of his neck.    Reigen doesn’t want to think it, but, score!    “If you ever need any help, I live right next door.” He doesn’t exactly mean the offer, because really, who willingly moves and unpacks boxes unless there was something in it for them like money— or in his case— an attractive man.    Serizawa Katsuya reached out and grabbed the pie carefully. The thicker tips of his fingers brush over Reigen’s as he did so. “I think you’ve done enough already, nobody would ever do this in Tokyo.” He gestured with the pie. “But if I may, would you like to come in and help eat some of this? I live alone, it wouldn’t be respectful to let it go stale…”    While Ritsu did tug on the back of Reigen’s shorts as if to say yes, yes! he’s already hastily accepting the offer. They followed Serizawa into his home.      It was nicer on the inside than it was on the outside, with a similar layout to their own home. Boxes were strewn out across the living room, some opened, some still sealed. The couch, a mustard color with a soft looking texture, sat covered in plastic in the middle of the room. There was a television already on a glass stand, unhooked. But besides that, unopened boxes, and a few paintings hung on the white walls, the place was practically empty. Nobody else was around, it seemed. The house was just as quiet.    They were lead to the kitchen. There were two chairs already pushed underneath the island, a different colored marbled top than their own. Serizawa set the pie down and began dismantling the tinfoil. Reigen’s heart skips a beat or two. If only he could turn back time for a few minutes and bake the pie just two minutes longer. It wouldn’t look like the lopsided mess that it was now.    “Ah… The pie is a bit…crumbled. Amateur here.” He stared down at the way Serizawa’s hands slow to intricate movements across the foil, nails sliding carefully underneath as so not to cause more destruction.    “No worries,” He got most of the foil off but kept it beneath the glass pan to rewrap with later. “Do you bake a lot?”    “Sometimes. The kids and I garden, so we have lots to make sometimes.” Serizawa bent down into an open box, and pulled out four glass plates and a wrapping full of utensils. Apparently, the utensils were more important than the glass dishes. He set them out on the island. The kids each grabbed a plate and held it close to their chests, eagerly awaiting a taste of their fathers baking.    He doesn’t bother with the collapsed side as he cuts it, and Reigen doesn’t feel the slightest offended. The strawberry filling floods over the sides and collects in a puddle at the bottom of the glass, steaming with a sweet sent. “So is it just you and the kids?” Serizawa asked and then stopped his movements, “Sorry, that was rude.”    Reigen opened his mouth to speak, but proving to be listening, Mob chimed in. “Daddy is thinking about marrying you! You can be our new dad also!” Ritsu slapped him on the arm. “Ow.”    Reigen’s eyes widened, heat flushing across his cheeks to match the newfound coloring on Serizawa’s.    “O-Oh.”    “No, no, no, no!” Reigen waved his hands in front of himself frantically. It suddenly felt hot in the room, all across his body. He wanted nothing more than to slap the shit out of his child. Or maybe himself, because he did say that in a way. “No. I did not say that oh god—Mob!— I am so sorry. K-kids, you know?”     Beneath the island looked far more comfier than beneath the sight of surprised eyes. But then, he laughs and goes back to cutting. “Oh gosh, that’s okay. I can take that as an answer to my question, yeah?”    With a quick nod, Reigen grabbed himself a slice. He considered not giving the kids a slice so not to fulfill their hyperactivity again, but Serizawa placed each of them a sliver of a piece before he could object. “Thank you, Mister,” Ritsu said.    They ate in silence. It’s unsettling to not know if it was because his kids had big mouths, or there just wasn’t much to talk about. At the very most, the pie was delicious. A smooth filling, bitter but sweet with the soft chew of melted down strawberries. Serizawa threw a few compliments his way, and that made up for the lack of conversation until their plates were empty with leftover crumbs and jelly-like spots. Eating was a great first date, because you didn’t have to talk through the awkward parts. You could simply just fill your mouth with savory foods until you pile up your dates bill and leave, or find something else to talk about. But this— to Reigen’s misfortune, anyway— wasn’t a date, just a welcome made awkward by a seven year old. The idea, he supposed, still counted.    Serizawa was on his last bite when he coughed out the barely chewed forkful. It landed disgustingly on his plate, a splat. Was it really that bad? He dropped the fork next, his hands flying up to his throat.    The kids jumped up from their squeezed spot in the chair and run to Serizawa. They pull on his shirt.    “Woah, woah. Are you okay?” Reigen followed behind and started clapping his hands against his back.    He struggled. His shoulder blades quivered beneath the frantic touch of Reigen's hands. As his own hands awere wrapped tightly around his throat as if to help the choking somehow, he managed out, “What was in the pie?”    Ritsu let go of his shirt and looked at Reigen accusingly. “Dad, did you poison the pie?”    Reigen pressed his eyebrows together. “What? No. There’s uh…” The memories of the ingredients fall short in his memory. He didn’t do good under pressure. “Uh, strawberries…sugar…almonds…butter-“    “Almonds!” Serizawa choked. “I’m- a-allerg-“ He coughed more. He didn’t need to complete his sentence for Reigen to realize what was happening. He dealt with it all too much when Mob was little. Fish, peanuts, you name it, he couldn’t have it. He was having an allergic fucking reaction, all due to his shitty, sloppily made pie. Who makes things with nuts on the first day of not knowing someone? That was purely idiotic, a thought that had escaped him due to the need of wooing a man.     He stopped and pocketed his cellphone to dial an ambulance.    The hospital waiting area was stuffy, the air carrying an undertone of strengthened bleach. The few people that sat in the dull grey chairs didn't look like they needed to be there— one had a cough, the other sat on their phone, bored with half-lidded eyes. Quick moving nurses took Serizawa immediately. By the time the ambulance had arrived, his face had grown purple and puffy, and disregarding of the thousands of fumbled apologies Reigen gave while they wheeled him out.        Mob and Ritsu played at the small children’s corner with a bead rollercoaster and a couple of small toy trucks, when a nurse came out. She was pretty, long black hair tied into a ponytail, with the same dull look on her face as the people in the waiting room. “Mr. Serizawa seems to be holding up okay. He’s awake and has been treated. You’re free to visit him now if you’d like. Room 203.” She explained before she walked off to tend to another, her ponytail flipping onto her shoulder.    Reigen nodded as if she could see him and he walked over to claim Mob and Ritsu.    They walked down the hallway, where the scent of bleach only grew stronger. It had about as much personality as the rest of the hospital; opened doors exposing bored-stricken sick patients, dull blue floors and dove walls with paintings of oceans and lakes and trees. The place certainly isn’t run by risk-takers such as Reigen, baking pies for people with nut allergies, and he guessed he should be grateful for that.    Amongst the various slates with numbers besides the doors came room 203. Reigen knocked gently and twisted the knob. The kids stumbled through the cracked doorway into the room, excited to see Serizawa in all his swollen glory.    Except, he looked rather fine now.    “Hey, Serizawa…” Reigen cracked an awkward smile.    Serizawa lay covered by the thin hospital sheet, a pillow perching his head up to view the television, turned to a news broadcast. His face, unlike before, was slimmed down again with only a flushed tint around his eyes.    “Reigen,” He greeted. He pushed himself up, sheets falling into a bundle atop his lap. The kids moved to sit on the two visitors chairs pushed against the wall by the counters. “Thanks for following me here,” He sounded sincere, not sarcastic.    Reigen perched himself on the mattress with precision as to not sit on Serizawa’s feet and cause even more damage than before. “I’m really sorry, this has been an awkward meeting from start to finish. I hadn’t considered the possibility of an allergic reaction…I-I—“    Serizawa cut him off. “Oh, Reigen. Don’t worry. I’m fine! How could you of known? You did the right thing, I don’t even have an Epipen in my house.” He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his neck.  “It could have been worse, really.”    “How can I make it up to you?” Reigen ran his hands down his face.    Glancing from the kids to Reigen, a soft pink blush matches the red around his eyes. “Tomorrow,” He said, “You can take me on a date.” 

[coffeekaspbrak]

Coffee date- Kay x Bev fic

Author’s note: Sorry if this is cliche or has lots of typos, we just need more McMarsh and I’m here to provide y’all

Beverly Marsh had been up for 27 hours.

She’d pulled some late night stunts in the past, but never 27 goddamn hours.

The insomnia had painted streaks of purple underneath her eyes, ever noticeable against her pale and now greasy skin. She hadn’t showered in those 27 hours either.

A double major in graphic design and fashion combined with a job at the bookstore hadn’t lent itself well to hygiene or sleep.

Needless to say, as a college student, Bev was pretty broke. Her aunt had helped her pay for school itself but she didn’t have the means to spend much outside of tution. She certainly didn’t have cash to be blowing on a five dollar cup of frothy coffee.

But spring midterms had kicked her ass right into starbucks at four o’clock that morning.

She had finished three projects in the past five hours and still had four classes to go to and a shift to work at 7 am and so it was too late to go bed. So, forgive her for drowning her sorrows and class induced insomnia in an overpriced latte.

The still chilly March air had shut the door behind her with a slight bang that made her jump, eyes flying open. The few customers in the shop stopped glanced over with surprise, the loud sound cut through the calm, tired atmosphere of the store. Bev felt immediately out of place as she walked slowly up to the counter. Her overgrown red hair hung down to her ears in messy, unbrushed curls that she pushed out of her face to see the drink options.

“Hello, what can I get for you this morning?” the preppy looking kid working asked her with a tired smile. Bev knew that exhausted, customer service smile as she would be sporting it later. She smiled back, “Almond milk latte please.”

The kid picked up a sharpie and a cup.

Bev stared to the side, taking in the customers here this early.

The sound of the door opening and then closing abruptly with a slam brought her eyes to the entrance of the shop. There, coming closer to the line, was a woman with curly dark hair and the most gorgeous dark brown eyes Beverly had ever seen. She seemed to walk in slow motion as Bev’s eyes widened and followed her movements to the space close behind her. They met eyes and the woman smiled at her, a bit awkwardly, “Hello.”

Her tone made Bev realize she was being a total creep to this poor, hot woman.

“S-sorry,” she said loudly, turning back to the cashier who she realized has been talking to her. “Ma’am?” He asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Sorry what?” She asked.

“Your name?” Damn she was off her game.

“Oh,” she blushed heavily, “Bev.”

“3.25 please”

Bev handed him five dollars and told him to keep the change. She shouldn’t have given her current financial situation but she was too flustered to wait.

She moved to the side of the store to wait for her drink and buried her face into her hand.

Of course, today of all days, she had to embarrass herself in front of someone cute, as if the lack of sleep wasn’t enough to ruin her day.

She then felt a presence in the space next to her and breathed in a scent, a bit like honey. She kept her head down, not wanting to embarrass herself more.

The barista, a different one from before looked at the cup and tried to read the smudged handwriting before rolling his eyes and announcing only, “almond milk latte!” And placing the drink on the counter.

Bev perked her head up and reached towards the cup.

Before she could pulled away, her hand collided with another.

“Oh,” she blushed and pulled away looking up at the person who’s hand met her’s. It was the same woman from earlier, because who else would it be.

“No, no,” she pulled away, “You ordered first, it’s yours.” She kept a gentle smile on her face. “I like your rings, by the way.”

Bev looked down at her own hands, almost forgetting she had the rings on, “Oh, thanks, I like your jacket,” she responded, gesturing towards the girl’s green bomber jacket.

“Thank you,” she said, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

The barista called out again, “Almond milk latte!”

“Now we can just see,” the woman picked up the latte that was put down first and squinted, trying to read the cup, “Bec?”

Beverly suppressed a laugh, now feeling more comfortably confident, “Bev. Starbucks doesn’t play around with screwing up names I guess.”

The girl’s eyes lit up slightly, “Oh dude, it’s a total marketing scheme. Get a messed up version of your name, post it on Instagram, boom free marketing for Starbucks.”

Bev laughed tiredly, sounding kind of crazy, sleep deprivation made lots of stuff funny. “You’re so right I hadn’t even thought about that.”

The girl stuck out her hand, “I’m Kay,” she said.

Instead of shaking it, Bev picked up the other latte and read it, “Well looks like this is for Kip, but I won’t tell if you won’t.” She placed it in the Kay’s hand, who

laughed an angelic sound. But then kept on laughing, hunching over.

Until there were tears in her eyes.

Bev was faltered if a little confused.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, “That wasn’t even that funny, I just haven’t slept in 24 hours.”

“College?”

Kay nodded, still laughing, “I’m a political science major.”

An older man glared at them for taking up space in front of the counter.

Kay collected herself, “I’ll get out of your way, sir,” She said still smiling. She motioned for Bev to follow her out the door. Which Bev gladly did.

Once outside Kay giggled again, “God what an asshole. Can’t he see I’m trying to have a conversation with a cute girl?”

Bev blushed and then retorted, “I know right.”

“Hey,” Kay touched her shoulder, “Do you have anywhere to be right now?”

“My first lecture is at seven, I’m all yours.”

“Cool,” Bev could see her cheeks turn darker, “Wanna walk for a while?”

She nodded, “I’d like that.”

The two made their rounds around campus, in which time Bev learned that Kay was planning to go into law with her degree.

“I’d love to be an environmental rights lawyer. People act like I’m just some tree hugging hippie but I really want to help the earth.”

Bev didn’t know much about environmentalism besides the basics, but Kay makes her want to learn more as her eyes light up with passion and her voice blooms with interest.

Bev had told her that she was double majoring “Graphic design and fashion,”

she motioned down to her gray sweatpants and crewneck sweatshirt, “Believe it or not.”

Kay laughed, “Sleepy chic. It’s cute on you.”

Bev thought her cheeks must be tomato red.

Half way into their conversation about what kind of music they like, Bev began shivering a bit. She realized that she was definitely underdressed for the weather, only prepared for a short coffee trip.

“Oh, are you cold?” Kay asked, looking concerned.

“A little, but it’s fine-“

Kay was already taking off here jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders.

They eventually found themselves near the bookstore where Bev worked.

“Wanna stop inside? I’ve got my key.”

“Of course.”

Bev took to showing her around the place and watching Kay nerd out about some of the ones she’d read in her classes. She’d talked for a while about the book they were reading in her gender studies class while Bev smiled completely entranced in her excited voice and her beauty.

Kay suddenly blushed and looked up at her, “You aren’t bored of me talking yet?”

She shook her head, “I don’t think I ever could be.”

Kay stared into her eyes and moved herself closer to Bev, placing her hands on her face. She smiled as their lips connected, Bev brought her hands to Kay’s hips. She tasted like honey chapstick and good coffee. The kiss was gentle and over way too soon.

“Oh shit,” Kay said, looking down at her watch, “it’s 6:45, I better start walking.”

“Oh my god, that went by fast, almost three hours.”

Kay grinned slyly, “Time flies when you’re having fun.” She walked over to the counter and pulled out a pen.

“Give me your arm,”

Bev stuck out her arm and Kay wrote something on it, before throwing the pen on the desk and pressing a kiss to Bev’s cheek. “I’ve gotta go. Call me.” She hurried out the door. Bev watched her and was reminded of that phrase,

Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave.

She looked down at her arm,

A phone number was written along with Kay (or kip) McCall and a heart.

For once in her life, Bev was happy to be up so early.

[elizabethsaige]

Bemily one shot idea: Beca and Emily go to get ice cream every Monday after class

your wish is my command :)

It started out as a one-time thing.

At least that’s what Beca told herself.

One Monday after each of their classes were done for the day, Beca and Emily were walking past a small ice cream place on campus.

“Beca, we should go get ice cream!” Exclaimed Emily. She had a look of excitement on her face. Ice cream was something Emily loved with a passion.

“Em, it’s like 20 degrees outside and you want to get ice cream?” Emily nodded her head eagerly and ran up to the little shop. Beca sighed, causing her to see her own breath on the cold November day. Emily waited for Beca to catch up before opening the door and rushing inside.

As soon as the two girls stepped in, they were overwhelmed with a smell of cinnamon. In the front of the store, tons of pastries were displayed, occupying much of the counter. To the right of it was a case full of different ice cream flavors.

“Look Beca! They have so many things!”

“You’re like a kid in a candy store,” said Beca. And she really was. Emily got excited about the most simple things in life, like ice cream, or going to the grocery store. Usually, people like that would annoy Beca, being the raincloud that she is. But Emily, well she brought out a side in her that not even Beca had seen before.

Beca kind of liked it.

Scratch that. She kind of loved it.

Emily walked over to the ice cream section, eyeing all of the different options.

“What are you going to get?” Asked Beca, looking at the menu mounted on the wall above the register. This shop had many caffeinated drinks to choose from as well.

“Oh geez, I don’t know. There are too many options!”

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to come back so you can try every flavor,” Beca said with a small smile. Emily looked up at Beca and flashed that perfect smile of hers that made the senior’s legs feel like jello.

Emily continued looking at all of the flavors but eventually decided on cookie dough in a waffle cone, her favorite. Beca ordered an almond milk latte and proceeded to pay for both orders, although Emily insisted she could pay for her own.

“Don’t worry about it, I want to,” said Beca as she slid her card back into her wallet.

“Well, thank you,” Emily said, shyly. The two walked and took a seat in a small booth in the back corner.

As the two girls sat, each enjoying their treats, Emily looked all around the shop, noticing all of the different pictures hanging on the walls.

“How’s your ice cream?”

“Amazing, do you want to try?” Emily pointed her cone at Beca.

“Nah, I’m not really an ice cream kind of person,” Beca said, which made Emily gasp.

“I’m sorry, what? How can you not be an ice cream person?!” Beca chuckled and sipped her latte. “I don’t know, it’s just too cold and too sweet.”

“Okay, well I guess it makes sense that you’re so grumpy all the time. You haven’t fully appreciated ice cream for what it is,” explained Emily. All Beca could do was shake her head and smile at the girl. “I mean, your life would just be so much better if you tried to like it.”

Emily couldn’t get any cuter. Just the way she talks about ice cream makes Beca’s heart melt. She could listen to Emily talk for forever.

“You’re such a dork,” gushed Beca. The young girl rolled her eyes and continued eating her ice cream, enjoying every second of it.

//

The following week, right after their Monday classes, Beca and Emily found themselves in the same ice cream shop.

This time, Emily chose to get strawberry cheesecake, after debating whether to get that or pistachio.

“Does anyone even like the flavor pistachio?”

“Ew, probably not. It’s probably just a filer flavor. You know how in Neopolitan ice cream, they have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry? No one actually likes strawberry, it’s just there to fill up space. That’s how it is with pistachio,” explained Beca. Emily let out a small giggle, then sighed.

“I think I could eat ice cream for every meal,” she declared.

“That’s so bad for you dude.”

“Says the girl who once ate pizza for 2 weeks straight. Talk about unhealthy.”

“Okay, it’s not that bad! You have all of the food groups in there, wheat from the crust, fruit from the pizza sauce because tomato is a fruit. Then you have dairy from the cheese, protein from the pepperoni, and then tons of veggies,” Beca explained, trying to convince Emily that pizza really is a healthy meal.

“Yeah and main food group: oil.” Clearly, the freshman was not buying it.

“Whatever.” The two girls quietly enjoyed their treats, Beca with her usual almond milk latte.

Life was pretty great. Mondays easily became Beca’s favorite day, mainly because she got to spend every Monday night with Emily. 

//

Weeks had passed and each week on Monday night, the same time, you could find Beca and Emily at the ice cream shop. It had become a tradition for the two, neither daring to break it. Until this week. Emily was out of town for her grandmother’s birthday.

Beca wanted to skip going to the ice cream shop. It wouldn’t be the same without the girl she had spent every Monday night with. Like at all.

But, to keep the tradition alive, she decided to go. She walked through the door and, like every Monday night was overwhelmed by the smell of cinnamon.

She stood in line and debated on whether or not she should get ice cream just so it would be like Emily was still here.

“One almond milk latte, please,” she told the cashier once she reached the front of the line.

“Where’s your friend?”

Beca looked at the guy ringing her out. She and Emily saw him there a few times, he must have recognized Beca.

“Um, she’s out of town today,” Beca said, quietly. “You know what, can I also get a small vanilla ice cream in a cup, please?”

He nodded, typing her order into the computer. She paid and waited patiently for her drink and ice cream to be finished.

Once she had her treats, she made her way to her and Emily’s spot all the way in the back. As soon as she settled down, she took a picture of the empty booth seat across from her and sent it to Emily, letting the other girl know where she was.

Beca: It’s lonely here without you :(

Emily: You went without me??? That’s rude…. :(

Beca: What’s rude is you leaving me here all by myself, dork.

Beca: I had to get ice cream to fill your place, thanks a lot ;)

The older girl snapped a picture of her ice cream and sent it to Emily.

Emily: You got vanilla? That’s the most boring flavor!

Beca: Well maybe I’m a boring person…

Emily: Highly doubtful, you are the most interesting person I’ve ever met :)

Emily: But I’m proud of you for branching out and FINALLY getting ice cream.

Beca smiled to herself. Emily was proud of her, even if she was just joking.

//

The week after Emily got back from her trip, the two girls, once again, found themselves at the ice cream shop.

This time, Emily picked black raspberry chip, and Beca decided to get vanilla again, as she enjoyed it so much last week.

“I can’t believe you got ice cream again. Who are you and what have you done with Beca?” Beca stuck her tongue out at Emily, as the younger girl giggled.

“You know, we’ve been coming here every Monday, It’s kind of like our own tradition,” Emily said, looking at Beca, who had a little bit of ice cream on her chin. “Oh, you have a little something-,” Emily gestured to her chin. Beca brought her hand to her face, trying to get the mess off her face, but failed to do so.

“Here, let me.” Emily reached out to Beca’s chin and wiped the ice cream off, glancing at her lips every few seconds. “There, all better.”

Beca looked into Emily’s eyes, noticing that the girl still had her hand on her chin. Emily’s hand felt warm against her skin.

Emily quickly took back her hand, looking away from Beca.

“Thanks, Em,” Beca smiled. Emily nodded slightly, taking a bite of her ice cream.

The two sat in comfortable silence, enjoying their ice cream and listening to the soft music playing in the background.

“As fun as this little tradition is, would you maybe, I don’t know, want to hang out some other time? Like as a date?” Beca shifted nervously in her seat. She would usually never ask anyone out, especially someone like Emily, in fear of being rejected. But something in this moment was telling her to shoot her shot and just go for it. She fully expected Emily to laugh in her face and say no. “I mean it’s cool if you don’t want to, I ge-“

“-I’d love to go on a date with you Beca.”

“Really?” Beca couldn’t believe it. The girl she likes, potentially loves, agreed to go on a date with her.

“Yes, really,” Emily smiled at Beca. Man, this girl really makes Beca feel all of the feelings, and strangely, it doesn’t make Beca want to run and hide. She likes it. She likes Emily and all of the feelings she’s giving her.

“Great, then it’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

[davidjjohnston3]

/ first love / things of first love / looking on my parents as my first love / who looked on me as her first love / (but) "My Greatest Love' / commitment to truth about love / minjung theology / "total christology" - / returning love to the first love and greatest love (john 3:16) / "The Roommate" - Westfield (NJ) Snow - the Kim brothers - Trader Joe's - Zegna shirtmaker(?) - Tracy Espiritu - "The Faces on the Heights" (2008) - from social media, my governor's school friends, Mona (Monna?) Yao I never met, who made Chingwen stop hating Shanghainese, ECE girl from RU GSE (Graduate School of Education not Governor's School of Environment) - very black eyes - She wanted to buy the Minnie Mouse dress from the Disney Store - Jessie Lee, he drinks a diet coke then goes running - "California" is a frisbee play I thought only I know - Jessie wanted to be my friend or so b/c my brother is excellent - "That play is called California [dumb----] - Always California is a Law School Discussion person whose essay I told her what she meant / where she was going with her past-future but nowadays Millennials etc. can actually form a face-intent without finding themselves first and go forward forever instead of "whatever shrapnel in my back pocket could afford" or people who try to base their plans on available resources instead of aiming then looking for resources / materials.  Jessie told Lydia Han "Take care of yourself" - She was playing DDR at Fusion Ti and not talking to me - I don't remember her last words to me - They were making noodles in Edison - / what did i ever do that was not writing about my friends / alden's vanilla bean ice cream (maria / change mind), 2 everything bagels davidovich, earlier a few ginger coconut candies from h-mart but made in china, coconut oil for brain, MiO energy thing Acai Berry and Ginseng, earlier 8th continent soy milk thing, almond silk, spanish mixed nuts, 7 almonds (obama?) - i had more - avocado butter - drinking canola oil - californian olive oil burns - i have a cold sore - i can't have canned tomatoes anymore - 183 pounds AHC "All His Children" / my password used to be for tassadaromega... canisexmachina... then I changed to impluveam impluveam11 impluveam11et - jaeyoung's son "fullness" - a glass of white wine at centraal the full measure of god's spirit (sauvignon) - mushroom soup i didn't touch - Why did I not follow through on what was demanded not to talk a word with him - the beginning of "Stepfather" - It is clean at the Food Court at Mayfair Mall  - I feel powerless and pure - I will read the paper with you and explain why you should not take "Parasite" as a Gospel message about what has to happen, or... but it is easy for me to promise 'strong benevolence' is better than immediate economic justice or - In my first dream of "Searching For Towards the Eastern Empire" "lily Sarah" moved with her baby wrapped swaddled in light dove gray right to left through the woods to the field / meadow, in a cool spring or so, now past a frozen lake through the colors of "Elizabeth's Nightgown" or the summer colors of 2012 2021 left to right, the whole procession, carrying lanterns too, a bit like Caspar David Friedrich colors and a bit like that frozen lake out in the suburbs of Madison where Nikki called me and the phone vibrated on my heart to tell me Chi Hye tried to call me on Valentine's Day night - I called her - I forget - someone's phone ran out of batteries - the next day we got (?) at (?) Japanese "I really want to eat rice" - and a bit like "Fantasia Night on Bald Mountain" - the procession of the Saints with the lanterns, "we all of us."  The rainy cliff, the Korean refugees(?).  The image from "The Admiral" where the civilians flag Yi Sunshin from the cliffside shore.  In my 645 rendition they are walking, the notes are like babies on their heads.  But the image of the peasants signalling to YSS in another vision are chained together and being gatling gunned which is why I say some people want to kill all Koreans.  Maybe it is because of that short from Apocalypse Now or maybe it is because of and why I named Segalchik "Danilov" from "Enemy at the Gates" the Commissar who wants to build a new world and man and whose dying words are "There will always be rich in love and poor in love," then allowed Koenig to shoot him in the head to draw him out for his "teacher only friend" because I guess enemies are enemies and friends are friends and Russians are loyal, even in failure, like how Nabokov synaesthete said "loyal is like a gold fork," and Putin doesn't forgive traitors.  Putin reminds me of Houellebecq's voice from the end of Particulaires "This book is dedicated to the human race who saw beyond themselves" - as and with the poem from the beginning, "Now that we dwell in the eternal afternoon we can revisit the end of the old world order" - and in the end "the medieval grace and sin" - "ontology of states not space" - I still remember the bruised skin on the cover, which would come from limited beatings or a certain kind of holding sex - My favorite Houellecq poem is "Liquid Birth" from "Art of Struggle" - "This world has never been written of" - It makes me cry like thinking about Kendi's beauty - "It's there, at least possible." - What's Macron up to - He married his teacher(?) - "My thoughts are too complicated" - Putin's too - Russian elementary piano teachers hold the student's hand and split the fingers for toward cantabile - I learned the Goldbergs and the only book I'll touch anymore is Kempff's organ transcriptions with his precise description of pedaling like a certain kind of chapel organ - "Kempff played better than he could (Liszt's Saint Francis preaching to the birds) - and when he played "Berceuse" in 1946 it's like saying to Germany "Dream for a while" defeated in WW2 - He lived to be 95 - father-like.  Wilhelm Kempff is "saenggi(?)" - "Oh [Dave]."  He doesn't try to give, or make.  He just "says."  Like "the wave said what the sea broken once laboriously spoken."  That's why I say he's the best; he's one of the best pianists ever.  "Sospiro" final fioritura - I wrote "sospira" where the piano-teacher is mandatorily retired and euthanised after his best student - Arrau said relax use your soul - I drove through Indiana corn fields listening to his "Emperor Concerto" 1st movement - "Beethoven America power" - but Kempff does'nt rely on his own soul, he "waits for the Spirit of God" or "waits on the Lord' - "asks the sky."  This is why I like Stritch University Francis statue with the birds as well and Francis PP.  St Francis of Assisi from whom Michelangeli claimed to be descended and I bought Michelangeli's op 111 DVD at Seoul Arts Center at the Liszt Society concert actually married his secretary in secret or something and "loaded" pieces whereas Kempff loaded nothing, ABM offered to teach Martha Argerich who is my favorite Andante Spianato like Josephine Park but I don't think she took him up on it, he smoked, he practiced at night, his head exploded(?), he died in Lugano.  A pianist is a pianist (not a brand, franchise, go into teaching).  Jenny / Jaein said I want to be a pianist.  My first "Lullaby" was Idil Biret, IDK if the clock motif left hand is 1 2 3 4 5 6 or 1 2 3 4 5 ().  A steady lake lapping, not a clock.  In "Being Kim Poor" Krystal Jung fell asleep in the rowboat on the lake in Switzerland after the wedding in the chateau and trying to eat / hang out with the caterers.  KP is an ex-soldier, her bodyguard, his friend is a Southerner like those Blackwater / Academi types who got rich quitting SF gov't to do contracting but Paul / Poor won't really.  I thought about Sunny something something cyber stalkers in Whitefish Bay walking up the hill where I also listened to Fifth Season SSWFL later and in the neighborhood of the Obergefell blackout.  "Free firewood" a chopped-up desk - am I an "afterburner" for having a desk and "free."  

The original love-truth-faith-promise.  The Minjung Theology book is "whiteness-words," holiness.  

I feel like I almost arrived all in one piece for a while.  I put on my white shirt.  I weighed 160(?).  The caseworker said she couldn't imagine me another weight.  Pop was writing letters to the caseworker.  I recommended "Whisper of the Heart" to for her son.  

Now I feel like Hananim / God will let 300 saints die young so one sinner can be saved.  "I was born in 1970" - I thought she meant "I became an angel in 1970" maybe.  

[thisislizheather]

June Jaunts 2020

Above Photo: New York Public Library, June 2020

Can someone just hit me in the face hard enough so that I wake up in 2021? As a favour to me? (Also I love that we’re all assuming that a new year means a completely fresh new slate and that none of the actions taken this year will affect the rest of our lives? It’s ridiculous, but it’s a type of logic that I can absolutely get on board with.) In any case, life is hell right now. Here’s what went on in hell this month.

I found a new streaming site for movies that is incredible.

My brother Gary made another gravy video (this time a Swiss Chalet one) and of course it’s perfect.

My Dad turned 97!

I started doing Ipsy bag reviews again. The best find from the bag this month: a REALHER lipstick. Just amazing quality and I need to look further into their other products.

I watched Get Me Roger Stone and the man seems like a needy psychopath.

I rewatched The Disaster Artist: still great.

I tried hard seltzer (not White Claw, it was a brand called HOOT) and it was very okay, I just don’t see the big deal? I think we all have low standards for things being good.

God, I miss Jon Stewart. I find myself just watching old segments from his show which are sadly still incredibly relevant. 

I visited this coffee shop in Astoria called Coffee + Cake that’s so lovely. They make freshly baked goods each day and homemade ice cream and I’ll definitely return. This is their tomato & parmesan focaccia bread.

I started taking antihistamine eye drops for seasonal allergies and they’ve cured me completely. It’s insane. I love them.

I tried birthday cake Kit Kats because why wouldn’t I and of course they’re good. But they’re basically just… white Kit Kats… and that’s already a thing that exists… and look I’m not trying to hate on them, so I’ll keep my mouth shut about it from here on out.

If I became famous, the first thing I’d endorse would be Vicks (obviously), but the second thing? This dairy-free, almond milk yogurt DAH! Yes, the name is terrible. But the yogurt is heavenly. The madagascar vanilla will change you.

Finally made this ricotta jam jar with crostini and it was everything I wanted it to be and more.

I’ve been keeping a collection of photos taken of the city throughout the pandemic that are just gorgeous photos, here are a few.

Above Photo: April 2020, photo by Jerome Strauss

Above Photo: March 12th, 2020, the first night of Broadway going dark - photo by Gretchen Robinette for Gothamist

Above Photo: June 2020, photo by Benjamin Norman for The New York Times

Above Photo: April 2020, photo by Jerome Strauss

Above Photo: April 2020, photo by Jerome Strauss

I watched the Holy Chicken! documentary from the Super Size Me guy and it was okay. I did know a lot of those chicken facts already since we haven’t been eating meat these last few months, so it wasn’t anything revolutionary. And then after I watched it, I was reading about it and then came across all the gross behavior by the creator of the film and uggghhhh I wish I hadn’t watched and supported it now.

I tried this New Orleans cold brew and whoa. Good stuff. I don’t exactly know the difference between cold brew and coffee and it’s such a boring thing to look up, so… here we are.

Will forever love the food at The Thirsty Koala in Astoria. Thank you Katie, Greg & Irene for gifting us so much of their food this month! Truly so sweet of you.

Favourite tweets of the month.

New favourite Health-Ade kombucha flavour: passion fruit - tangerine. Absolutely unreal.

I bought a ton of underwear from Aerie since I don’t feel comfortable going into any stores or on the subway yet, and they’re actually pretty great quality (I’m sorry I didn’t get on this sooner, Marla.) The sizing is a little off in that one medium doesn’t fit like another medium, but once you figure it out, you’re good.

This girl. She’s still breaking my heart with these renditions.

How do I set my Google Alerts so that these types of stories are the only news stories I read?

I learned how to make vodka martinis at home, so what I’m trying to say is that I’m better than you now.

Truly don’t know how I feel about this news, but I think I have to support it, right? I wish we could just leave good things alone. Why must we always want more.

I watched The Joy Luck Club and here’s my takeaway: don’t have daughters. And also maybe don’t have mothers? It seems like everyone is a disappointment to every character in this movie. I was expecting to love it, so when that didn’t happen I was a little disappointed.

I watched Dan In Real Life (mainly because of Steve Carell who was way too good for this movie) and it suuuuucked. Hated Dane Cook. Hated the plot. Hated the whole white, rich, we-dance-as-a-family type aesthetic of the whole movie. 

I watched the first season of You and a few episodes of the second season and uuuuuuuggggghhhhhh what a garbage show. I don’t need to see anyone romanticize some pathetic Gossip Girl loser who I feel no empathy for. It’s actually just so badly written and how on earth did someone green-light this trash. Here’s a good piece written about it.

Also watched a bunch of reruns of 3rd Rock From The Sun and what an underrated, great show. Wish I remembered it more.

I’ve been on a real Harrison Ford bender lately and I can’t see it stopping anytime soon. I watched Sabrina (which was okay, the best part was seeing him play a nerdish, unlovable character). I also watched Working Girl (which is really not a great movie, but it was only watchable for Ford). Also saw Air Force One and what a movie. How on earth have I never seen it before?? Such a fox. If you haven’t seen it before, I shall entice you with this one line.

Rainier cherries are in season now and while I don’t particularly love a cherry, these are delightful.

I’ve been sucking down these Saratoga Springs sparkling waters for days and there’s no turning back, they’re refreshing in a way I didn’t think existed. Just pure magic.

The only summer salad that’s worth a damn is this panzanella salad, but make sure you add fresh mozzarella to it.

I never thought I liked biscotti until a friend recently made it, so maybe I’m just into chocolate biscotti?

What a great idea (below):

If you’d like to hear the birds in NYC right now, get on over here.

I started watching Insecure but couldn’t really get into it, maybe I’ll give it more of a chance, maybe not. I feel like if you’re not hooked into a show within three episodes, it’s not gonna happen.

I rewatched Clueless and it’s really just a perfect movie. I could quote every line in this movie at one point in my life and I think I might still be able to. Still looking to emulate this perfect outfit one day.

Cannot stop making this broccoli pasta with Banza and the Beyond Meat sausage.

Absolutely haunted by this moving front page of the Times.

I finished watching Fuller House and I’ll never know why I wanted to, it’s such a corny/actually-bad show and yet I still watched. Thankfully it’s over forever.

Incase you’re looking for an alternative site to Amazon for buying books: Bookshop.org

I haven’t read a book in what feels like forever, so I finally finished Glennon Doyle’s Untamed and wrote about it.

Excited to one day see the new LaGuardia.

I went over what I did from my spring list that I made in March.

I naively made a list of what I’d like to do this summer.

It’s been a harder month than normal and I found myself watching The Land Before Time and uncontrollably weeping onto my yoga mat (I like to watch movies in the background when I’m working out). A kind of cry that comes around every decade or so where you can’t really breathe and you’re blinded my tears and everything is too much to handle. I know it’s a sad movie, but I think it was the movie and the combination of this month that made me react that way. In any case, I hope kids today still want to watch that movie. It’s a hard one, but it’s really still so good.

My grandmother Ma passed away this month and since travel is not allowed, it was especially difficult for this to happen now. I felt helpless being separated from most of my family so I wrote a bit about how it made me feel. I could talk about the greatness of this woman endlessly, how it’s insane that you could live in this day and age and not read or write and still enrich the lives of everyone you know, there’s no way to sum her up as a person. I’ll just miss her. Her voice, her endless encouragement, all of it.

Some things I’d like to do this month: I’d like to not sink into an unending pit of depression (that’d be great), I’d like to keep going on our nightly walks with Nathan, I’m likely going to buy these bike shorts as soon as they’re back in stock and you can’t stop me (I already have an outfit in mind, trust me it’s gonna look good), I was looking forward to movie theatres reopening (the Regal near our house specifically) but the date’s been pushed again to the end of July (which will likely get pushed again), and I’d really like to start and finish another book this month.

If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in May over here.

[themomsandthecity]

I'm a Stay-at-Home Mom Who's an Awful Housewife

Hannah Mayer is a nationally award-winning blogger, humor columnist and exponentially blessed wife and mother of three. She would trade everything for twelve uninterrupted hours in a room with Jon Hamm and two Ambien. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter or at her blog, sKIDmarks. "Hey, come here a second," my mom said as she replaced the book in my hands with a wooden spoon covered in what I prayed was red sauce. Together, we walked into the kitchen and hovered over the skillet like we were peering into a crystal ball. Looking into my future, I saw me eating a lot of takeout. "Now see - first you brown your ground round," she said, soldiering on despite me rolling my eyes so hard I could nearly see brain. "Look. You're not looking. You're going to give your whole family food poisoning if you don't pay attention. You want sick kids? You want to clean vomit out of someone's hair at 2 a.m.?" I was 10. My mom spent the better part of my adolescence convinced that I was going to grow up foraging for scraps out of trash cans and then have children only to watch them slowly starve to death. That was, if I could even find a man who wanted to marry someone who didn't cook. Small towns, you know. When it came time for college tours, it wasn't, "How much does it cost?" or, "What programs are accredited?" but, "What is the maximum number of daily meals your cafeteria is legally allowed to provide to students?" When I finally shoved off, the only thing I knew, or rather cared, how to make was a cheese roll-up - a piece of sliced cheese microwaved in a tortilla shell. In college I pretty much lived off those, cafeteria food, and old pizza I found laying around the sorority house. For me, cooking is just short of torture. I hate it, and the feeble attempts I've made have ended poorly. Not only that, but I believe it's a matter of logistics. Spending a considerable amount of time sweating and slaving over something that can be purchased by simply walking to the back of the grocery store and plucking a rotisserie chicken out from under the heat lamp doesn't make sense. I mean . . . sure. With enough time, preparation, and peer pressure I could probably muster up a decent seven-layer burrito. But why would I when I can drive the length of a football field and buy one for $1.99, without even having to leave the comfort of my vehicle? "Your oven is super . . . clean," I remember my realtor commenting as he did his walk through when I sold my condo and moved in with my husband. I realized then that I was 30 years old and had used my oven once - ONCE - to make frozen taquitos one night when I offered to cook him dinner when we were first dating. I didn't want him to think I was a big weirdo who hated to cook. However, I think the fact that I served frozen taquitos and nothing else tipped him off. My aversion to cooking was never really an issue until we had kids. My aversion to cooking was never really an issue until we had kids. Sure, for the first year or so it was fine. Boobies, bottles, and jars of baby food are right up my alley. I tried to stretch this out as long as possible, but most teachers give the thumbs down to strained peas in a lunchbox. Since eating out with kids costs a small fortune, they've had to adapt to my culinary handicap. "What's for dinner tonight?" they'll ask. "Imitation crab meat, cherry tomatoes, and as many almonds as you can handle!" I reply with a thumbs up and a smile. I will say this - at our house, we eat super clean. Trying to explain all of this to my friends who love to cook is like telling them you don't like the way their nose goes with the rest of their face. They take it so personally and can't imagine that anyone doesn't love spending the afternoon whipping up a creative masterpiece out of chicken thighs. "But cooking is so relaxing," they reason. "Pour yourself a glass of wine, turn on some music, and make your family some damn chicken tetrazzini! It's fun!" I like wine. I like music. Why can't we just leave it at that and open a nice can of tuna? Over the years I've tried several times to force it - convince myself it WAS fun. This is evidenced by my sad little Pinterest recipe board and my husband coming home, opening the windows, and asking, "What's that smell?" Turning 40 last year, I sat down and made a list of priorities in my life. One of my bullet points was to do more things I like to do, and leave behind what I don't. Cooking fell on the latter list. It's just part of who I am. My friends know they're getting PB&J finger sandwiches when I show up to their parties. My aunt knows I'm bringing the pies to Thanksgiving. "The ones from the bakery by your house. The STORE-BOUGHT ones, right?" she'll ask cautiously. "Is there any other kind?" I reply. And before you worry about my kids growing up to continue my legacy of serving their families chicken nuggets and olives for dinner, don't. Let's just say my mom finally got the eager proteges she's been praying for, times three. Related: This Husband's Letter to His Wife Will Change the Way You Think of Stay-at-Home Moms13 Habits of Highly Effective (and Sane) Stay-at-Home Moms16 Things That Only Stay-at-Home Moms Understand http://bit.ly/2q2iGDf

[tebbyclinic11]

Trader Joe’s Newest Products in 2018, Reviewed

New Post has been published on http://kitchengadgetsreviews.com/trader-joes-newest-products-in-2018-reviewed/

Trader Joe’s Newest Products in 2018, Reviewed

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Trader Joe’s has it all figured out. The new products, they just keep coming. We’re on a hare-brained mission to try every new product at TJ’s in 2018. Trying. A noble pursuit, a “good use of time,” “what is this, an ad?”, call it what you will. New this week—Valentines gummies, coconut clusters of fun, pretty good chicken sausage, and more.

Organic Oven Roasted Turkey Breast, $4.99These floppy shingles of roasted turkey are a lunch meat staple, though I’ve never tried to bind two pieces of paper with them. Instead, I roll them with sliced Swiss cheese and dip them in mustard like the grown adult person with an expired license I am. A subtle, roasted flavor elevates the turkey from its natural state of taste (soggy meat Kleenex) to a whisper of Thanksgiving leftovers. Good product. Reliable sandwich material. Real meat. Gluten-free. Protein. Precisely circular. Not salami.

Gummy Xs & Os, $2.99In time for Valentine’s Day, we have a big bag of gummies. The ”natural flavors” flavor reminds me of rosé–supposedly grapefruit, strawberry, and mixed berry—but they all blend together to me in the way you’re pretty sure gummy bears are different flavors for different colors but are they, really?? All I know is that the Xs taste better than Os. The big downside–sorry, gummy enthusiasts—is that the texture is too soft. Like that moment you’re making out with your Valentine and finally come to terms with the fact that he’s a body pillow named Ted. Gummies need a little bit of chew, some struggle, a reminder that it’s not gonna be easy all the time. A nice metaphor for love if you ask me.

Electric Buzz Coffee Cups, $5.49I drink coffee the old-fashioned way—by pouring off-boiling water into a filter directly in my mouth—so I enlisted a guest reviewer for these TJ branded K-cups that are supposedly EXTRA CAFFEINATED! “It’s no special cup of mud,” texted my friend Keith, a man who puts plastic cups in a machine expecting roasted bean juice to come out. BA’s Alex Delany described these coffee pods like he does beer, ridiculously: “It tastes like someone walked across your tongue with brand new dad sneakers on. Rubber soles.” Did he really need to offend all of dadkind like that? Probably yes.

Organic Sweet Italian Chicken Sausage, $5.99Like many chicken sausages, it tastes like chicken sausage. Throw in some garlic powder and basil particles and poof, Italian. Out of the package, they have a slimy smooth, bouncy hot dog texture because the casing has been removed. I don’t get how this works, but I‘ll try anything once. A sweet, kind cashier with a striking resemblance to my Uncle Manny (RIP) said he loves to make sausage and peppers with them, so that’s what I did. I mean, we’re practically family. The sausages are smaller side, more the size of Ball Park Franks, and crisp up in the pan as intended. Two people in my household ate the entire package of five links, dipping each bite in mustard and trying to find something more meaningful to say about something as mundane as chicken sausage. Notes of peppercorn tingle the tastebuds. Solidly Not Bad.

Coconut Sesame Seed Clusters, $1.99These are little shards that aren’t quite granola and yet aren’t anything else. Purgatory snacks! They’re crunchy pieces of toasted coconut covered in sesame seeds, sealed together with coconut sugar and tapioca syrup. Okay so they’re candy. Serving suggestions include: casually eating out of a hollowed coconut shell, on ice cream, but more likely, by the handful until you read the nutrition facts and realize the bag is empty but hey, at least they’re gluten-free? If this isn’t impulse purchase material, I don’t know what is.

Previously

The Week of January 22

Churro Bites, $2.49The only thing these churro bites share in common with hot-off-the-oil churros is a coating of cinnamon sugar. Other than that, these crunchy nuggets are their own category of cookie-chip. They have a near-velvet outer texture, the combination of shiny hardened butter and sandy sugar, like when you dropped a doughnut hole at the beach but ate it anyway, because seagulls. (Because you’re a monster). Sort of like giant Corn Pops, rolled cinnamon sugar. I won’t even begin to describe what they visually resemble (😺 💩). The cashier at TJ’s looked at the nutritional details and then slowly raised her eyes to mine. Me: “These are not good for you.” Her: “Then why are you buying two?”

Gluten Free Oat Cranberry Flaxseed Cookies, $2.99As a general life principle, you should never trust a cookie with more than three names. These gluten-free-oat-cranberry-flaxseed-cookies seem to think that they can trick us into believing they’re some kind of health food but we know, ohhhh we KNOW. These are cookies. With plenty of butter and sugar. Because of that, I have some great news: They taste like cookies! Like a very good grocery store oatmeal raisin cookie, with a surprisingly soft and chewy texture (I see you, molasses and rice flour.) They crumble a little, but then again who doesn’t in this current political climate? Still not sure what a flaxseed is, but I’m already starting to see definition in my abs.

Thai Green Curry Simmer Sauce, $1.99This so-called simmer sauce is the pale minty green of my grandmother’s bathroom walls, with much more flavor (and a lot less lead!). Even though a simple green curry is easy to make, at this price, it costs the same as just the can of coconut milk, and there’s Kaffir lime peel in here. It’s fragrant with lemongrass and ginger, and super creamy, a little sweet—overall, delicious. You cook some protein or veg, add the sauce, serve over noodles/rice. What does this sauce have in common with a certain presidential marriage? There’s absolutely no heat. BYO-chile if you need to spice it up.

Tahini, Pepita & Apricot Slaw Kit, $3.99Inside one plastic bag you get four more little plastic bags! It’s like a Russian nesting salad of environmental doom. Or something. The slaw is a combination of veggies from the aisle-land of misfit produce. Spiky broccoli stems. Faded carrots the color of construction cones abandoned by the highway. The curly split ends from a kale haircut. Cabbage. Unfortunately the dressing, a sweet honey tahini (try this one!), which is pretty good, can’t mask the musty taste of the veg. The pepita and apricot sprinkles are a nice idea, but like hoping the 14 throw pillows on your couch hide all of the cat hair, they can only do so much.

Previously

The Week of January 8

Photo by Chelsie Craig

Frosted Sugar Cookies, $2.99Trader Joe’s imitation of Lofthouse’s iconic packaged cookies is the best thing they’ve brought to the new year. The freakishly smooth, delightfully underbaked sugar cookie is topped with frosting and randomly distributed purple-pink sprinkles. Whoever was in charge of sprinkles appears to have sneezed them out, some gather along the edges, holding on for dear frosting life.

But they really did it. It’s mythic, and it dissolves into dust the second it touches your saliva. The minute you bite into it, you forget it was ever there. And it’s everything you’ve missed since the last time you had one, stoned at 10 p.m. in Kroger with your middle school friends who’ve all had babies on Facebook by now. It’s a cookie that will send you back in time, in memory, in a sugar-induced nostalgia nap.

Photo by Chelsie Craig

Cocoa Almond Cashew Beverage, $2.29Who doesn’t love a beverage? AKA the FDA-approved term for milks that aren’t milk. Remember milk? Pause to pour out some beverage in the memory of milk. Those days are over.

This incredibly silky not-milk is chocolaty and sweet, with a vaguely nutty aftertaste, like a burp after too many bar peanuts. The creamy texture, thanks to the beautiful food science that is locust bean gum and other emulsifiers, ends on a near slimy note, reminiscent of the inside of the cardboard chocolate milk carton. It would be nice in a banana smoothie, heated as faux cocoa, mixed into iced coffee, or given as a bribe to children who have never known the cult of cow.

Photo by Chelsie Craig

Italian Marinara Sauce with Barolo Wine, $3.49Have you ever spooned straight marinara sauce into your mouth? It’s acidic and sweet, smooth save for the little toenails of tomato skin here and there. The saltiness left my chapped lips burning and tingling, like I’d exfoliated them with French fries. The addition of Barolo seems to say, “I know wines other than red,” while the black-and-gold Deco packaging suggests a Gatsby-themed party at the Olive Garden. It tasted like pretty good pizza sauce. Sign me up.

Organic Fruit and Seed Granola, $3.69These little clusters of organic seeds, held together by plasticky tasting tapioca syrup, are nuggets of health. I think. No pesky oats here, just seed bombs that I imagine are only slightly larger than what well-fed pigeons expel. The sharp and crunchy texture is appealing to parents who bring healthy snacks to the movies. They’re also the perfect snack for mindful eaters, as you will mindfully spend every bite doing tongue yoga to get chia seeds out of your molar fillings from the 90s. There are surprise bites of sweetened dried cranberries that will make you exclaim, “SUGAR, for MEEEE?” Somehow you will eat the whole bag.

Stay tuned for more, next week.

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[milenasanchezmk]

My 16 Favorite Fat Sources (Plus My Latest Big-Ass Salad)

Going ketogenic has made me hone in on my fat sources even more than before. This is an essential practice for anyone seriously pursuing a ketogenic diet. As fat will comprise the majority of your calories, you need to maximize the nutrition you’ll obtain from the fats you choose. You could technically go keto using canola oil, refined coconut oil, and MCT oil powder—many of the ketogenic formulas used in epilepsy clinics are highly processed and refined—but I wouldn’t recommend it. Micronutrients still matter. They arguably matter even more when your food sources are restricted.

I try to get whole food fats. If the fat is isolated and extracted, I try to make sure it’s rich in micronutrients. If it’s low in micronutrients, I make sure I have a good reason to consume it.

There are many reasons. Some rooted more in nutrition, some more in pleasure, some convenience.

So what are my favorite fat sources? How do I use them? What do I find so appealing?

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

From the historical precedent (1000s of years of heavy use in the Mediterranean and Levant), the clinical support (hundreds of trials showing beneficial effects), and the light peppery finish, it’s difficult for anyone to deny the beauty and enduring utility of a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil. I’ll. Even though EVOO is quite robust in the face of high heat, I still prefer using it in certain dressings and for lightly grilling fish, just to preserve the delicate flavor.

Go to a farmer’s market and buy the local olive oil that tastes best to you. Absent that, the EVOOs from California are usually quite good (and real).

Extra Virgin Avocado Oil

I rifled through dozens of avocado producers to find the perfect source of extra virgin avocado oil so that I could sell the best product, sure, but also because I wanted the best for myself. That’s ultimately how I come up with any of my projects and businesses—to scratch my own itches. It seems to be working, because I haven’t had a tastier oil that asserts itself without losing its capacity to work with other foods. EVOO doesn’t work with everything. EVAO, in my experience, does.

This one’s quite good. And all our Primal Kitchen dressings are made with avocado oil.

Coconut Milk in Smoothies and Curries

In powder form, coconut milk creates the creamiest, smoothest protein (whether whey or collagen) powder I’ve ever tasted, which is why I added it to Primal Fuel and Collagen Fuel. Plus, it’s a great source of medium chain triglycerides, special fatty acids that convert directly into ketones.

The fact that it’s a traditional fat used by many successful Pacific Islander cultures, sometimes in copious amounts, without any indication of poor health consequences is another mark in its favor.

I like Aroy-D in the small cartons.

Egg Yolks

Gram for gram, egg yolks are the most nutrient-dense fat around. And they’re not just something you scramble. They’re legitimate culinary fats. No, you won’t sauté your veggies in egg yolk. That wouldn’t work. Egg yolks can provide the backbone of a salad dressing, like classic Caesar or one of my personal favorites (yolks, sesame oil, minced garlic, lemon juice, kosher salt, pepper, and a little avocado oil to round it out). You can drop them whole into sauces right after you turn off the heat to thicken. They blend well into smoothies and hot coffee.

Go for local pastured eggs if you can get them. If not, many grocery stores are starting to offer very good pastured eggs, and not just the health food stores. Vital Farms pastured eggs are very good and available pretty much everywhere, like Target and major grocery stores.

Emmental Cheese

Maybe next year it’s aged gouda. And the year after that, pecorino romano. but right now, I’m really digging Emmental cheese. If you haven’t had it, Emmental is a medium-hard Swiss-style cheese. It’s not intense like an aged gouda. It’s nutty and mild, so you have to really listen to the flavors to extract the most pleasure.

True Emmental comes from raw, grass-fed cow milk. Look for that kind.

It’s also my current favorite on my latest version of my Big-Ass (Keto) Salad. Emmental, along with avocado and avocado oil-based Caesar dressing, is in part what makes me call it my “fat bomb” salad. As most of you know, my Big Ass Salad has always been the centerpiece to my day, but it’s even more important now. It’s become a crucial vehicle for the delivery of my daily fat intake during my keto stretches. If you haven’t already, go check out my new and improved Big-Ass Keto Salad. Try it, and let me know what you think.

Avocado

Slice it, smash it, spread it, Jeb it, even grill it. Avocado is the greatest. Even though I have ample access to all the avocado oil and avocado oil-based mayos and dressings I want, I still return to the humble avocado. Maybe it’s because I like the fiber and potassium. Maybe it’s because I like reducing the inflammatory load of my meals.

California hass all the way.

Grass-Fed Butter

These days, I mostly use grass-fed butter on any steamed veggie that enters my mouth. Broccoli, spinach, kale, cauliflower, and dozens more. I’ll also dip shrimp in melted butter.

Kerrygold is a stalwart and available almost everywhere.

Bacon Fat for Sautéing Veggies and Frying Eggs

Man can’t live on bacon alone. It’s just not feasible or advisable to obtain the bulk of your calories from bacon strips. But if you keep some bacon fat around for sautéing veggies and frying eggs, you’ll always have that hint of bacon. Now, some caveats. I cook my bacon slow over low heat, which reduces oxidative damage to the fats. My bacon comes from pigs fed oats and barley, which creates a more oxidatively-stable fatty acid profile (higher in MUFAs, lower in PUFAs) and imbues the fat with more actual antioxidants. Don’t know what the pigs ate? The harder/firmer the raw bacon, the more saturated/monounsaturated/stable it’ll be.

Aim for pastured and/or firm bacon.

Ghee

I err on the side of tradition, usually. And if I’m making an Indian curry or sautéing some okra with mustard seed, turmeric, and ginger, I stick with ghee. That’s what these recipes were “meant” to include, and it tastes great. Ghee’s also a good option for high heat searing, since the proteins and lactose (which burn) have been completely removed.

I love the brown butter ghee from Tin Star.

Red Palm Oil

If I’m eating starch, I’ll often turn to red palm oil. A couple of red potatoes, baked, smashed (skin on), then doused with red palm oil, sprinkled with crunchy salt and a ton of cracked black pepper? Almost no one in the history of the world has eaten this, let alone eats this on a regular basis, but it’s really good. It’s also quite good on butternut squash (less starchy than potatoes) with turmeric, salt, and black pepper. (Both versions are strictly for my non-keto days.)  

As for African dishes, I’m far from an expert. What seems to work is sautéing garlic, onions, tomatoes, and ginger in red palm oil, then adding some protein (chicken or fish, usually), and stirring in a nut butter and perhaps some hot pepper toward the end.

Best stuff I’ve had came from a random West African market, sold in mason jars marked only with the country of origin. The redder the better. Good to look for sustainable sourcing, too. If you don’t have any of those nearby, this one’s good too.

Mac Nut Butter

I’ll eat other nuts, like Brazils (selenium) and almonds (magnesium), but I don’t consider them to be fat sources. They’re certainly rich in fat. They just have other macronutrients, too. Mac nuts are basically pure fat. Mac nut butter, if it comes from really good mac nuts (and there can be some duds), is so sweet and buttery that I consider a spoonful of it a worthy dessert.

I usually grind my own in the food processor.

Coconut Butter

Talk about dessert. A big spoonful of coconut butter provides a whopping dose of medium chain triglycerides and other saturated fats, plus fiber and manganese. I vastly prefer using a blend of coconut butter and bone broth to plain coconut milk when making curries. And that spoonful will really take the edge off while allowing you to remain ketogenic.

Artisana’s is the best I’ve had.

Tahini

Hummus shmummus. I like hummus. I really do, especially given my updated stance on legumes. But for the time being I’m strictly keto, and I can’t really eat more than a tablespoon of hummus and hope to maintain. Luckily, tahini—the sesame paste that’s integral to good hummus—is great on a spoon. If you get a good source, it’s actually quite sweet and, again, qualifies as a keto dessert. Tahini also works well in salad dressings.

MCT Oil

Sometimes coconut fat isn’t enough. Sometimes I want a more concentrated source of medium chain triglycerides to boost ketone production, like before a workout. These days, myfavorite pre-workout meal is a Collagen Fuel smoothie with extra MCT oil. The collagen fills my glycine reserves in preparation for connective tissue loading and healing, and the MCTs provide a bit more oomph.

I keep both powdered MCT oil and liquid on hand.

Whipped Cream with Mascarpone Cheese (and Lime Zest) on Berries for Dessert

The beauty of being fat-adapted is that you realize “sweet” is relative. The minuscule amounts of lactose in whipped cream and mascarpone are plenty sweet enough, especially combined with a bowl of ripe blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. If it’s not, you can add a pinch or two of sugar (or brown sugar, or honey, or even just stevia) to increase the sweetness without incurring too many carbs.

Throw the cream and mascarpone in a metal bowl using a 2:1 cream to mascarpone ratio and whip it up using an electric beater. And don’t forget the lime zest.

Steamed Heavy Cream in Coffee

What can I say? I’ve tried doing coffee black. If it’s a lighter roast, I can do it. But I still prefer steamed heavy cream in my coffee, and I’m done feeling bad about that. Sorry, barista in a bowtie. Now, you don’t need much. If you’re trying to increase fat intake, you can add more. If you just like the taste, I find a splash or two (as opposed to a glug or two) is plenty.

I grab something organic from Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s.

That’s it for today, folks. Those are my favorite fat sources, as of right now. The list might change. It’ll probably grow; I don’t think I’ll suddenly tire of heavy cream or become convinced that coconut fat is killing us all.

What about you? What are your favorite fats? How do you eat them?

Thanks for reading. Take care, be well!

[fishermariawo]

My 16 Favorite Fat Sources (Plus My Latest Big-Ass Salad)

Going ketogenic has made me hone in on my fat sources even more than before. This is an essential practice for anyone seriously pursuing a ketogenic diet. As fat will comprise the majority of your calories, you need to maximize the nutrition you’ll obtain from the fats you choose. You could technically go keto using canola oil, refined coconut oil, and MCT oil powder—many of the ketogenic formulas used in epilepsy clinics are highly processed and refined—but I wouldn’t recommend it. Micronutrients still matter. They arguably matter even more when your food sources are restricted.

I try to get whole food fats. If the fat is isolated and extracted, I try to make sure it’s rich in micronutrients. If it’s low in micronutrients, I make sure I have a good reason to consume it.

There are many reasons. Some rooted more in nutrition, some more in pleasure, some convenience.

So what are my favorite fat sources? How do I use them? What do I find so appealing?

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

From the historical precedent (1000s of years of heavy use in the Mediterranean and Levant), the clinical support (hundreds of trials showing beneficial effects), and the light peppery finish, it’s difficult for anyone to deny the beauty and enduring utility of a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil. I’ll. Even though EVOO is quite robust in the face of high heat, I still prefer using it in certain dressings and for lightly grilling fish, just to preserve the delicate flavor.

Go to a farmer’s market and buy the local olive oil that tastes best to you. Absent that, the EVOOs from California are usually quite good (and real).

Extra Virgin Avocado Oil

I rifled through dozens of avocado producers to find the perfect source of extra virgin avocado oil so that I could sell the best product, sure, but also because I wanted the best for myself. That’s ultimately how I come up with any of my projects and businesses—to scratch my own itches. It seems to be working, because I haven’t had a tastier oil that asserts itself without losing its capacity to work with other foods. EVOO doesn’t work with everything. EVAO, in my experience, does.

This one’s quite good. And all our Primal Kitchen dressings are made with avocado oil.

Coconut Milk in Smoothies and Curries

In powder form, coconut milk creates the creamiest, smoothest protein (whether whey or collagen) powder I’ve ever tasted, which is why I added it to Primal Fuel and Collagen Fuel. Plus, it’s a great source of medium chain triglycerides, special fatty acids that convert directly into ketones.

The fact that it’s a traditional fat used by many successful Pacific Islander cultures, sometimes in copious amounts, without any indication of poor health consequences is another mark in its favor.

I like Aroy-D in the small cartons.

Egg Yolks

Gram for gram, egg yolks are the most nutrient-dense fat around. And they’re not just something you scramble. They’re legitimate culinary fats. No, you won’t sauté your veggies in egg yolk. That wouldn’t work. Egg yolks can provide the backbone of a salad dressing, like classic Caesar or one of my personal favorites (yolks, sesame oil, minced garlic, lemon juice, kosher salt, pepper, and a little avocado oil to round it out). You can drop them whole into sauces right after you turn off the heat to thicken. They blend well into smoothies and hot coffee.

Go for local pastured eggs if you can get them. If not, many grocery stores are starting to offer very good pastured eggs, and not just the health food stores. Vital Farms pastured eggs are very good and available pretty much everywhere, like Target and major grocery stores.

Emmental Cheese

Maybe next year it’s aged gouda. And the year after that, pecorino romano. but right now, I’m really digging Emmental cheese. If you haven’t had it, Emmental is a medium-hard Swiss-style cheese. It’s not intense like an aged gouda. It’s nutty and mild, so you have to really listen to the flavors to extract the most pleasure.

True Emmental comes from raw, grass-fed cow milk. Look for that kind.

It’s also my current favorite on my latest version of my Big-Ass (Keto) Salad. Emmental, along with avocado and avocado oil-based Caesar dressing, is in part what makes me call it my “fat bomb” salad. As most of you know, my Big Ass Salad has always been the centerpiece to my day, but it’s even more important now. It’s become a crucial vehicle for the delivery of my daily fat intake during my keto stretches. If you haven’t already, go check out my new and improved Big-Ass Keto Salad. Try it, and let me know what you think.

Avocado

Slice it, smash it, spread it, Jeb it, even grill it. Avocado is the greatest. Even though I have ample access to all the avocado oil and avocado oil-based mayos and dressings I want, I still return to the humble avocado. Maybe it’s because I like the fiber and potassium. Maybe it’s because I like reducing the inflammatory load of my meals.

California hass all the way.

Grass-Fed Butter

These days, I mostly use grass-fed butter on any steamed veggie that enters my mouth. Broccoli, spinach, kale, cauliflower, and dozens more. I’ll also dip shrimp in melted butter.

Kerrygold is a stalwart and available almost everywhere.

Bacon Fat for Sautéing Veggies and Frying Eggs

Man can’t live on bacon alone. It’s just not feasible or advisable to obtain the bulk of your calories from bacon strips. But if you keep some bacon fat around for sautéing veggies and frying eggs, you’ll always have that hint of bacon. Now, some caveats. I cook my bacon slow over low heat, which reduces oxidative damage to the fats. My bacon comes from pigs fed oats and barley, which creates a more oxidatively-stable fatty acid profile (higher in MUFAs, lower in PUFAs) and imbues the fat with more actual antioxidants. Don’t know what the pigs ate? The harder/firmer the raw bacon, the more saturated/monounsaturated/stable it’ll be.

Aim for pastured and/or firm bacon.

Ghee

I err on the side of tradition, usually. And if I’m making an Indian curry or sautéing some okra with mustard seed, turmeric, and ginger, I stick with ghee. That’s what these recipes were “meant” to include, and it tastes great. Ghee’s also a good option for high heat searing, since the proteins and lactose (which burn) have been completely removed.

I love the brown butter ghee from Tin Star.

Red Palm Oil

If I’m eating starch, I’ll often turn to red palm oil. A couple of red potatoes, baked, smashed (skin on), then doused with red palm oil, sprinkled with crunchy salt and a ton of cracked black pepper? Almost no one in the history of the world has eaten this, let alone eats this on a regular basis, but it’s really good. It’s also quite good on butternut squash (less starchy than potatoes) with turmeric, salt, and black pepper. (Both versions are strictly for my non-keto days.)  

As for African dishes, I’m far from an expert. What seems to work is sautéing garlic, onions, tomatoes, and ginger in red palm oil, then adding some protein (chicken or fish, usually), and stirring in a nut butter and perhaps some hot pepper toward the end.

Best stuff I’ve had came from a random West African market, sold in mason jars marked only with the country of origin. The redder the better. Good to look for sustainable sourcing, too. If you don’t have any of those nearby, this one’s good too.

Mac Nut Butter

I’ll eat other nuts, like Brazils (selenium) and almonds (magnesium), but I don’t consider them to be fat sources. They’re certainly rich in fat. They just have other macronutrients, too. Mac nuts are basically pure fat. Mac nut butter, if it comes from really good mac nuts (and there can be some duds), is so sweet and buttery that I consider a spoonful of it a worthy dessert.

I usually grind my own in the food processor.

Coconut Butter

Talk about dessert. A big spoonful of coconut butter provides a whopping dose of medium chain triglycerides and other saturated fats, plus fiber and manganese. I vastly prefer using a blend of coconut butter and bone broth to plain coconut milk when making curries. And that spoonful will really take the edge off while allowing you to remain ketogenic.

Artisana’s is the best I’ve had.

Tahini

Hummus shmummus. I like hummus. I really do, especially given my updated stance on legumes. But for the time being I’m strictly keto, and I can’t really eat more than a tablespoon of hummus and hope to maintain. Luckily, tahini—the sesame paste that’s integral to good hummus—is great on a spoon. If you get a good source, it’s actually quite sweet and, again, qualifies as a keto dessert. Tahini also works well in salad dressings.

MCT Oil

Sometimes coconut fat isn’t enough. Sometimes I want a more concentrated source of medium chain triglycerides to boost ketone production, like before a workout. These days, myfavorite pre-workout meal is a Collagen Fuel smoothie with extra MCT oil. The collagen fills my glycine reserves in preparation for connective tissue loading and healing, and the MCTs provide a bit more oomph.

I keep both powdered MCT oil and liquid on hand.

Whipped Cream with Mascarpone Cheese (and Lime Zest) on Berries for Dessert

The beauty of being fat-adapted is that you realize “sweet” is relative. The minuscule amounts of lactose in whipped cream and mascarpone are plenty sweet enough, especially combined with a bowl of ripe blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. If it’s not, you can add a pinch or two of sugar (or brown sugar, or honey, or even just stevia) to increase the sweetness without incurring too many carbs.

Throw the cream and mascarpone in a metal bowl using a 2:1 cream to mascarpone ratio and whip it up using an electric beater. And don’t forget the lime zest.

Steamed Heavy Cream in Coffee

What can I say? I’ve tried doing coffee black. If it’s a lighter roast, I can do it. But I still prefer steamed heavy cream in my coffee, and I’m done feeling bad about that. Sorry, barista in a bowtie. Now, you don’t need much. If you’re trying to increase fat intake, you can add more. If you just like the taste, I find a splash or two (as opposed to a glug or two) is plenty.

I grab something organic from Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s.

That’s it for today, folks. Those are my favorite fat sources, as of right now. The list might change. It’ll probably grow; I don’t think I’ll suddenly tire of heavy cream or become convinced that coconut fat is killing us all.

What about you? What are your favorite fats? How do you eat them?

Thanks for reading. Take care, be well!

[watsonrodriquezie]

My 16 Favorite Fat Sources (Plus My Latest Big-Ass Salad)

Going ketogenic has made me hone in on my fat sources even more than before. This is an essential practice for anyone seriously pursuing a ketogenic diet. As fat will comprise the majority of your calories, you need to maximize the nutrition you’ll obtain from the fats you choose. You could technically go keto using canola oil, refined coconut oil, and MCT oil powder—many of the ketogenic formulas used in epilepsy clinics are highly processed and refined—but I wouldn’t recommend it. Micronutrients still matter. They arguably matter even more when your food sources are restricted.

I try to get whole food fats. If the fat is isolated and extracted, I try to make sure it’s rich in micronutrients. If it’s low in micronutrients, I make sure I have a good reason to consume it.

There are many reasons. Some rooted more in nutrition, some more in pleasure, some convenience.

So what are my favorite fat sources? How do I use them? What do I find so appealing?

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

From the historical precedent (1000s of years of heavy use in the Mediterranean and Levant), the clinical support (hundreds of trials showing beneficial effects), and the light peppery finish, it’s difficult for anyone to deny the beauty and enduring utility of a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil. I’ll. Even though EVOO is quite robust in the face of high heat, I still prefer using it in certain dressings and for lightly grilling fish, just to preserve the delicate flavor.

Go to a farmer’s market and buy the local olive oil that tastes best to you. Absent that, the EVOOs from California are usually quite good (and real).

Extra Virgin Avocado Oil

I rifled through dozens of avocado producers to find the perfect source of extra virgin avocado oil so that I could sell the best product, sure, but also because I wanted the best for myself. That’s ultimately how I come up with any of my projects and businesses—to scratch my own itches. It seems to be working, because I haven’t had a tastier oil that asserts itself without losing its capacity to work with other foods. EVOO doesn’t work with everything. EVAO, in my experience, does.

This one’s quite good. And all our Primal Kitchen dressings are made with avocado oil.

Coconut Milk in Smoothies and Curries

In powder form, coconut milk creates the creamiest, smoothest protein (whether whey or collagen) powder I’ve ever tasted, which is why I added it to Primal Fuel and Collagen Fuel. Plus, it’s a great source of medium chain triglycerides, special fatty acids that convert directly into ketones.

The fact that it’s a traditional fat used by many successful Pacific Islander cultures, sometimes in copious amounts, without any indication of poor health consequences is another mark in its favor.

I like Aroy-D in the small cartons.

Egg Yolks

Gram for gram, egg yolks are the most nutrient-dense fat around. And they’re not just something you scramble. They’re legitimate culinary fats. No, you won’t sauté your veggies in egg yolk. That wouldn’t work. Egg yolks can provide the backbone of a salad dressing, like classic Caesar or one of my personal favorites (yolks, sesame oil, minced garlic, lemon juice, kosher salt, pepper, and a little avocado oil to round it out). You can drop them whole into sauces right after you turn off the heat to thicken. They blend well into smoothies and hot coffee.

Go for local pastured eggs if you can get them. If not, many grocery stores are starting to offer very good pastured eggs, and not just the health food stores. Vital Farms pastured eggs are very good and available pretty much everywhere, like Target and major grocery stores.

Emmental Cheese

Maybe next year it’s aged gouda. And the year after that, pecorino romano. but right now, I’m really digging Emmental cheese. If you haven’t had it, Emmental is a medium-hard Swiss-style cheese. It’s not intense like an aged gouda. It’s nutty and mild, so you have to really listen to the flavors to extract the most pleasure.

True Emmental comes from raw, grass-fed cow milk. Look for that kind.

It’s also my current favorite on my latest version of my Big-Ass (Keto) Salad. Emmental, along with avocado and avocado oil-based Caesar dressing, is in part what makes me call it my “fat bomb” salad. As most of you know, my Big Ass Salad has always been the centerpiece to my day, but it’s even more important now. It’s become a crucial vehicle for the delivery of my daily fat intake during my keto stretches. If you haven’t already, go check out my new and improved Big-Ass Keto Salad. Try it, and let me know what you think.

Avocado

Slice it, smash it, spread it, Jeb it, even grill it. Avocado is the greatest. Even though I have ample access to all the avocado oil and avocado oil-based mayos and dressings I want, I still return to the humble avocado. Maybe it’s because I like the fiber and potassium. Maybe it’s because I like reducing the inflammatory load of my meals.

California hass all the way.

Grass-Fed Butter

These days, I mostly use grass-fed butter on any steamed veggie that enters my mouth. Broccoli, spinach, kale, cauliflower, and dozens more. I’ll also dip shrimp in melted butter.

Kerrygold is a stalwart and available almost everywhere.

Bacon Fat for Sautéing Veggies and Frying Eggs

Man can’t live on bacon alone. It’s just not feasible or advisable to obtain the bulk of your calories from bacon strips. But if you keep some bacon fat around for sautéing veggies and frying eggs, you’ll always have that hint of bacon. Now, some caveats. I cook my bacon slow over low heat, which reduces oxidative damage to the fats. My bacon comes from pigs fed oats and barley, which creates a more oxidatively-stable fatty acid profile (higher in MUFAs, lower in PUFAs) and imbues the fat with more actual antioxidants. Don’t know what the pigs ate? The harder/firmer the raw bacon, the more saturated/monounsaturated/stable it’ll be.

Aim for pastured and/or firm bacon.

Ghee

I err on the side of tradition, usually. And if I’m making an Indian curry or sautéing some okra with mustard seed, turmeric, and ginger, I stick with ghee. That’s what these recipes were “meant” to include, and it tastes great. Ghee’s also a good option for high heat searing, since the proteins and lactose (which burn) have been completely removed.

I love the brown butter ghee from Tin Star.

Red Palm Oil

If I’m eating starch, I’ll often turn to red palm oil. A couple of red potatoes, baked, smashed (skin on), then doused with red palm oil, sprinkled with crunchy salt and a ton of cracked black pepper? Almost no one in the history of the world has eaten this, let alone eats this on a regular basis, but it’s really good. It’s also quite good on butternut squash (less starchy than potatoes) with turmeric, salt, and black pepper. (Both versions are strictly for my non-keto days.)  

As for African dishes, I’m far from an expert. What seems to work is sautéing garlic, onions, tomatoes, and ginger in red palm oil, then adding some protein (chicken or fish, usually), and stirring in a nut butter and perhaps some hot pepper toward the end.

Best stuff I’ve had came from a random West African market, sold in mason jars marked only with the country of origin. The redder the better. Good to look for sustainable sourcing, too. If you don’t have any of those nearby, this one’s good too.

Mac Nut Butter

I’ll eat other nuts, like Brazils (selenium) and almonds (magnesium), but I don’t consider them to be fat sources. They’re certainly rich in fat. They just have other macronutrients, too. Mac nuts are basically pure fat. Mac nut butter, if it comes from really good mac nuts (and there can be some duds), is so sweet and buttery that I consider a spoonful of it a worthy dessert.

I usually grind my own in the food processor.

Coconut Butter

Talk about dessert. A big spoonful of coconut butter provides a whopping dose of medium chain triglycerides and other saturated fats, plus fiber and manganese. I vastly prefer using a blend of coconut butter and bone broth to plain coconut milk when making curries. And that spoonful will really take the edge off while allowing you to remain ketogenic.

Artisana’s is the best I’ve had.

Tahini

Hummus shmummus. I like hummus. I really do, especially given my updated stance on legumes. But for the time being I’m strictly keto, and I can’t really eat more than a tablespoon of hummus and hope to maintain. Luckily, tahini—the sesame paste that’s integral to good hummus—is great on a spoon. If you get a good source, it’s actually quite sweet and, again, qualifies as a keto dessert. Tahini also works well in salad dressings.

MCT Oil

Sometimes coconut fat isn’t enough. Sometimes I want a more concentrated source of medium chain triglycerides to boost ketone production, like before a workout. These days, myfavorite pre-workout meal is a Collagen Fuel smoothie with extra MCT oil. The collagen fills my glycine reserves in preparation for connective tissue loading and healing, and the MCTs provide a bit more oomph.

I keep both powdered MCT oil and liquid on hand.

Whipped Cream with Mascarpone Cheese (and Lime Zest) on Berries for Dessert

The beauty of being fat-adapted is that you realize “sweet” is relative. The minuscule amounts of lactose in whipped cream and mascarpone are plenty sweet enough, especially combined with a bowl of ripe blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. If it’s not, you can add a pinch or two of sugar (or brown sugar, or honey, or even just stevia) to increase the sweetness without incurring too many carbs.

Throw the cream and mascarpone in a metal bowl using a 2:1 cream to mascarpone ratio and whip it up using an electric beater. And don’t forget the lime zest.

Steamed Heavy Cream in Coffee

What can I say? I’ve tried doing coffee black. If it’s a lighter roast, I can do it. But I still prefer steamed heavy cream in my coffee, and I’m done feeling bad about that. Sorry, barista in a bowtie. Now, you don’t need much. If you’re trying to increase fat intake, you can add more. If you just like the taste, I find a splash or two (as opposed to a glug or two) is plenty.

I grab something organic from Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s.

That’s it for today, folks. Those are my favorite fat sources, as of right now. The list might change. It’ll probably grow; I don’t think I’ll suddenly tire of heavy cream or become convinced that coconut fat is killing us all.

What about you? What are your favorite fats? How do you eat them?

Thanks for reading. Take care, be well!

[cristinajourdanqp]

My 16 Favorite Fat Sources (Plus My Latest Big-Ass Salad)

Going ketogenic has made me hone in on my fat sources even more than before. This is an essential practice for anyone seriously pursuing a ketogenic diet. As fat will comprise the majority of your calories, you need to maximize the nutrition you’ll obtain from the fats you choose. You could technically go keto using canola oil, refined coconut oil, and MCT oil powder—many of the ketogenic formulas used in epilepsy clinics are highly processed and refined—but I wouldn’t recommend it. Micronutrients still matter. They arguably matter even more when your food sources are restricted.

I try to get whole food fats. If the fat is isolated and extracted, I try to make sure it’s rich in micronutrients. If it’s low in micronutrients, I make sure I have a good reason to consume it.

There are many reasons. Some rooted more in nutrition, some more in pleasure, some convenience.

So what are my favorite fat sources? How do I use them? What do I find so appealing?

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

From the historical precedent (1000s of years of heavy use in the Mediterranean and Levant), the clinical support (hundreds of trials showing beneficial effects), and the light peppery finish, it’s difficult for anyone to deny the beauty and enduring utility of a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil. I’ll. Even though EVOO is quite robust in the face of high heat, I still prefer using it in certain dressings and for lightly grilling fish, just to preserve the delicate flavor.

Go to a farmer’s market and buy the local olive oil that tastes best to you. Absent that, the EVOOs from California are usually quite good (and real).

Extra Virgin Avocado Oil

I rifled through dozens of avocado producers to find the perfect source of extra virgin avocado oil so that I could sell the best product, sure, but also because I wanted the best for myself. That’s ultimately how I come up with any of my projects and businesses—to scratch my own itches. It seems to be working, because I haven’t had a tastier oil that asserts itself without losing its capacity to work with other foods. EVOO doesn’t work with everything. EVAO, in my experience, does.

This one’s quite good. And all our Primal Kitchen dressings are made with avocado oil.

Coconut Milk in Smoothies and Curries

In powder form, coconut milk creates the creamiest, smoothest protein (whether whey or collagen) powder I’ve ever tasted, which is why I added it to Primal Fuel and Collagen Fuel. Plus, it’s a great source of medium chain triglycerides, special fatty acids that convert directly into ketones.

The fact that it’s a traditional fat used by many successful Pacific Islander cultures, sometimes in copious amounts, without any indication of poor health consequences is another mark in its favor.

I like Aroy-D in the small cartons.

Egg Yolks

Gram for gram, egg yolks are the most nutrient-dense fat around. And they’re not just something you scramble. They’re legitimate culinary fats. No, you won’t sauté your veggies in egg yolk. That wouldn’t work. Egg yolks can provide the backbone of a salad dressing, like classic Caesar or one of my personal favorites (yolks, sesame oil, minced garlic, lemon juice, kosher salt, pepper, and a little avocado oil to round it out). You can drop them whole into sauces right after you turn off the heat to thicken. They blend well into smoothies and hot coffee.

Go for local pastured eggs if you can get them. If not, many grocery stores are starting to offer very good pastured eggs, and not just the health food stores. Vital Farms pastured eggs are very good and available pretty much everywhere, like Target and major grocery stores.

Emmental Cheese

Maybe next year it’s aged gouda. And the year after that, pecorino romano. but right now, I’m really digging Emmental cheese. If you haven’t had it, Emmental is a medium-hard Swiss-style cheese. It’s not intense like an aged gouda. It’s nutty and mild, so you have to really listen to the flavors to extract the most pleasure.

True Emmental comes from raw, grass-fed cow milk. Look for that kind.

It’s also my current favorite on my latest version of my Big-Ass (Keto) Salad. Emmental, along with avocado and avocado oil-based Caesar dressing, is in part what makes me call it my “fat bomb” salad. As most of you know, my Big Ass Salad has always been the centerpiece to my day, but it’s even more important now. It’s become a crucial vehicle for the delivery of my daily fat intake during my keto stretches. If you haven’t already, go check out my new and improved Big-Ass Keto Salad. Try it, and let me know what you think.

Avocado

Slice it, smash it, spread it, Jeb it, even grill it. Avocado is the greatest. Even though I have ample access to all the avocado oil and avocado oil-based mayos and dressings I want, I still return to the humble avocado. Maybe it’s because I like the fiber and potassium. Maybe it’s because I like reducing the inflammatory load of my meals.

California hass all the way.

Grass-Fed Butter

These days, I mostly use grass-fed butter on any steamed veggie that enters my mouth. Broccoli, spinach, kale, cauliflower, and dozens more. I’ll also dip shrimp in melted butter.

Kerrygold is a stalwart and available almost everywhere.

Bacon Fat for Sautéing Veggies and Frying Eggs

Man can’t live on bacon alone. It’s just not feasible or advisable to obtain the bulk of your calories from bacon strips. But if you keep some bacon fat around for sautéing veggies and frying eggs, you’ll always have that hint of bacon. Now, some caveats. I cook my bacon slow over low heat, which reduces oxidative damage to the fats. My bacon comes from pigs fed oats and barley, which creates a more oxidatively-stable fatty acid profile (higher in MUFAs, lower in PUFAs) and imbues the fat with more actual antioxidants. Don’t know what the pigs ate? The harder/firmer the raw bacon, the more saturated/monounsaturated/stable it’ll be.

Aim for pastured and/or firm bacon.

Ghee

I err on the side of tradition, usually. And if I’m making an Indian curry or sautéing some okra with mustard seed, turmeric, and ginger, I stick with ghee. That’s what these recipes were “meant” to include, and it tastes great. Ghee’s also a good option for high heat searing, since the proteins and lactose (which burn) have been completely removed.

I love the brown butter ghee from Tin Star.

Red Palm Oil

If I’m eating starch, I’ll often turn to red palm oil. A couple of red potatoes, baked, smashed (skin on), then doused with red palm oil, sprinkled with crunchy salt and a ton of cracked black pepper? Almost no one in the history of the world has eaten this, let alone eats this on a regular basis, but it’s really good. It’s also quite good on butternut squash (less starchy than potatoes) with turmeric, salt, and black pepper. (Both versions are strictly for my non-keto days.)  

As for African dishes, I’m far from an expert. What seems to work is sautéing garlic, onions, tomatoes, and ginger in red palm oil, then adding some protein (chicken or fish, usually), and stirring in a nut butter and perhaps some hot pepper toward the end.

Best stuff I’ve had came from a random West African market, sold in mason jars marked only with the country of origin. The redder the better. Good to look for sustainable sourcing, too. If you don’t have any of those nearby, this one’s good too.

Mac Nut Butter

I’ll eat other nuts, like Brazils (selenium) and almonds (magnesium), but I don’t consider them to be fat sources. They’re certainly rich in fat. They just have other macronutrients, too. Mac nuts are basically pure fat. Mac nut butter, if it comes from really good mac nuts (and there can be some duds), is so sweet and buttery that I consider a spoonful of it a worthy dessert.

I usually grind my own in the food processor.

Coconut Butter

Talk about dessert. A big spoonful of coconut butter provides a whopping dose of medium chain triglycerides and other saturated fats, plus fiber and manganese. I vastly prefer using a blend of coconut butter and bone broth to plain coconut milk when making curries. And that spoonful will really take the edge off while allowing you to remain ketogenic.

Artisana’s is the best I’ve had.

Tahini

Hummus shmummus. I like hummus. I really do, especially given my updated stance on legumes. But for the time being I’m strictly keto, and I can’t really eat more than a tablespoon of hummus and hope to maintain. Luckily, tahini—the sesame paste that’s integral to good hummus—is great on a spoon. If you get a good source, it’s actually quite sweet and, again, qualifies as a keto dessert. Tahini also works well in salad dressings.

MCT Oil

Sometimes coconut fat isn’t enough. Sometimes I want a more concentrated source of medium chain triglycerides to boost ketone production, like before a workout. These days, myfavorite pre-workout meal is a Collagen Fuel smoothie with extra MCT oil. The collagen fills my glycine reserves in preparation for connective tissue loading and healing, and the MCTs provide a bit more oomph.

I keep both powdered MCT oil and liquid on hand.

Whipped Cream with Mascarpone Cheese (and Lime Zest) on Berries for Dessert

The beauty of being fat-adapted is that you realize “sweet” is relative. The minuscule amounts of lactose in whipped cream and mascarpone are plenty sweet enough, especially combined with a bowl of ripe blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. If it’s not, you can add a pinch or two of sugar (or brown sugar, or honey, or even just stevia) to increase the sweetness without incurring too many carbs.

Throw the cream and mascarpone in a metal bowl using a 2:1 cream to mascarpone ratio and whip it up using an electric beater. And don’t forget the lime zest.

Steamed Heavy Cream in Coffee

What can I say? I’ve tried doing coffee black. If it’s a lighter roast, I can do it. But I still prefer steamed heavy cream in my coffee, and I’m done feeling bad about that. Sorry, barista in a bowtie. Now, you don’t need much. If you’re trying to increase fat intake, you can add more. If you just like the taste, I find a splash or two (as opposed to a glug or two) is plenty.

I grab something organic from Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s.

That’s it for today, folks. Those are my favorite fat sources, as of right now. The list might change. It’ll probably grow; I don’t think I’ll suddenly tire of heavy cream or become convinced that coconut fat is killing us all.

What about you? What are your favorite fats? How do you eat them?

Thanks for reading. Take care, be well!

[cynthiamwashington]

My 16 Favorite Fat Sources (Plus My Latest Big-Ass Salad)

Going ketogenic has made me hone in on my fat sources even more than before. This is an essential practice for anyone seriously pursuing a ketogenic diet. As fat will comprise the majority of your calories, you need to maximize the nutrition you’ll obtain from the fats you choose. You could technically go keto using canola oil, refined coconut oil, and MCT oil powder—many of the ketogenic formulas used in epilepsy clinics are highly processed and refined—but I wouldn’t recommend it. Micronutrients still matter. They arguably matter even more when your food sources are restricted.

I try to get whole food fats. If the fat is isolated and extracted, I try to make sure it’s rich in micronutrients. If it’s low in micronutrients, I make sure I have a good reason to consume it.

There are many reasons. Some rooted more in nutrition, some more in pleasure, some convenience.

So what are my favorite fat sources? How do I use them? What do I find so appealing?

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

From the historical precedent (1000s of years of heavy use in the Mediterranean and Levant), the clinical support (hundreds of trials showing beneficial effects), and the light peppery finish, it’s difficult for anyone to deny the beauty and enduring utility of a good bottle of extra virgin olive oil. I’ll. Even though EVOO is quite robust in the face of high heat, I still prefer using it in certain dressings and for lightly grilling fish, just to preserve the delicate flavor.

Go to a farmer’s market and buy the local olive oil that tastes best to you. Absent that, the EVOOs from California are usually quite good (and real).

Extra Virgin Avocado Oil

I rifled through dozens of avocado producers to find the perfect source of extra virgin avocado oil so that I could sell the best product, sure, but also because I wanted the best for myself. That’s ultimately how I come up with any of my projects and businesses—to scratch my own itches. It seems to be working, because I haven’t had a tastier oil that asserts itself without losing its capacity to work with other foods. EVOO doesn’t work with everything. EVAO, in my experience, does.

This one’s quite good. And all our Primal Kitchen dressings are made with avocado oil.

Coconut Milk in Smoothies and Curries

In powder form, coconut milk creates the creamiest, smoothest protein (whether whey or collagen) powder I’ve ever tasted, which is why I added it to Primal Fuel and Collagen Fuel. Plus, it’s a great source of medium chain triglycerides, special fatty acids that convert directly into ketones.

The fact that it’s a traditional fat used by many successful Pacific Islander cultures, sometimes in copious amounts, without any indication of poor health consequences is another mark in its favor.

I like Aroy-D in the small cartons.

Egg Yolks

Gram for gram, egg yolks are the most nutrient-dense fat around. And they’re not just something you scramble. They’re legitimate culinary fats. No, you won’t sauté your veggies in egg yolk. That wouldn’t work. Egg yolks can provide the backbone of a salad dressing, like classic Caesar or one of my personal favorites (yolks, sesame oil, minced garlic, lemon juice, kosher salt, pepper, and a little avocado oil to round it out). You can drop them whole into sauces right after you turn off the heat to thicken. They blend well into smoothies and hot coffee.

Go for local pastured eggs if you can get them. If not, many grocery stores are starting to offer very good pastured eggs, and not just the health food stores. Vital Farms pastured eggs are very good and available pretty much everywhere, like Target and major grocery stores.

Emmental Cheese

Maybe next year it’s aged gouda. And the year after that, pecorino romano. but right now, I’m really digging Emmental cheese. If you haven’t had it, Emmental is a medium-hard Swiss-style cheese. It’s not intense like an aged gouda. It’s nutty and mild, so you have to really listen to the flavors to extract the most pleasure.

True Emmental comes from raw, grass-fed cow milk. Look for that kind.

It’s also my current favorite on my latest version of my Big-Ass (Keto) Salad. Emmental, along with avocado and avocado oil-based Caesar dressing, is in part what makes me call it my “fat bomb” salad. As most of you know, my Big Ass Salad has always been the centerpiece to my day, but it’s even more important now. It’s become a crucial vehicle for the delivery of my daily fat intake during my keto stretches. If you haven’t already, go check out my new and improved Big-Ass Keto Salad. Try it, and let me know what you think.

Avocado

Slice it, smash it, spread it, Jeb it, even grill it. Avocado is the greatest. Even though I have ample access to all the avocado oil and avocado oil-based mayos and dressings I want, I still return to the humble avocado. Maybe it’s because I like the fiber and potassium. Maybe it’s because I like reducing the inflammatory load of my meals.

California hass all the way.

Grass-Fed Butter

These days, I mostly use grass-fed butter on any steamed veggie that enters my mouth. Broccoli, spinach, kale, cauliflower, and dozens more. I’ll also dip shrimp in melted butter.

Kerrygold is a stalwart and available almost everywhere.

Bacon Fat for Sautéing Veggies and Frying Eggs

Man can’t live on bacon alone. It’s just not feasible or advisable to obtain the bulk of your calories from bacon strips. But if you keep some bacon fat around for sautéing veggies and frying eggs, you’ll always have that hint of bacon. Now, some caveats. I cook my bacon slow over low heat, which reduces oxidative damage to the fats. My bacon comes from pigs fed oats and barley, which creates a more oxidatively-stable fatty acid profile (higher in MUFAs, lower in PUFAs) and imbues the fat with more actual antioxidants. Don’t know what the pigs ate? The harder/firmer the raw bacon, the more saturated/monounsaturated/stable it’ll be.

Aim for pastured and/or firm bacon.

Ghee

I err on the side of tradition, usually. And if I’m making an Indian curry or sautéing some okra with mustard seed, turmeric, and ginger, I stick with ghee. That’s what these recipes were “meant” to include, and it tastes great. Ghee’s also a good option for high heat searing, since the proteins and lactose (which burn) have been completely removed.

I love the brown butter ghee from Tin Star.

Red Palm Oil

If I’m eating starch, I’ll often turn to red palm oil. A couple of red potatoes, baked, smashed (skin on), then doused with red palm oil, sprinkled with crunchy salt and a ton of cracked black pepper? Almost no one in the history of the world has eaten this, let alone eats this on a regular basis, but it’s really good. It’s also quite good on butternut squash (less starchy than potatoes) with turmeric, salt, and black pepper. (Both versions are strictly for my non-keto days.)  

As for African dishes, I’m far from an expert. What seems to work is sautéing garlic, onions, tomatoes, and ginger in red palm oil, then adding some protein (chicken or fish, usually), and stirring in a nut butter and perhaps some hot pepper toward the end.

Best stuff I’ve had came from a random West African market, sold in mason jars marked only with the country of origin. The redder the better. Good to look for sustainable sourcing, too. If you don’t have any of those nearby, this one’s good too.

Mac Nut Butter

I’ll eat other nuts, like Brazils (selenium) and almonds (magnesium), but I don’t consider them to be fat sources. They’re certainly rich in fat. They just have other macronutrients, too. Mac nuts are basically pure fat. Mac nut butter, if it comes from really good mac nuts (and there can be some duds), is so sweet and buttery that I consider a spoonful of it a worthy dessert.

I usually grind my own in the food processor.

Coconut Butter

Talk about dessert. A big spoonful of coconut butter provides a whopping dose of medium chain triglycerides and other saturated fats, plus fiber and manganese. I vastly prefer using a blend of coconut butter and bone broth to plain coconut milk when making curries. And that spoonful will really take the edge off while allowing you to remain ketogenic.

Artisana’s is the best I’ve had.

Tahini

Hummus shmummus. I like hummus. I really do, especially given my updated stance on legumes. But for the time being I’m strictly keto, and I can’t really eat more than a tablespoon of hummus and hope to maintain. Luckily, tahini—the sesame paste that’s integral to good hummus—is great on a spoon. If you get a good source, it’s actually quite sweet and, again, qualifies as a keto dessert. Tahini also works well in salad dressings.

MCT Oil

Sometimes coconut fat isn’t enough. Sometimes I want a more concentrated source of medium chain triglycerides to boost ketone production, like before a workout. These days, myfavorite pre-workout meal is a Collagen Fuel smoothie with extra MCT oil. The collagen fills my glycine reserves in preparation for connective tissue loading and healing, and the MCTs provide a bit more oomph.

I keep both powdered MCT oil and liquid on hand.

Whipped Cream with Mascarpone Cheese (and Lime Zest) on Berries for Dessert

The beauty of being fat-adapted is that you realize “sweet” is relative. The minuscule amounts of lactose in whipped cream and mascarpone are plenty sweet enough, especially combined with a bowl of ripe blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. If it’s not, you can add a pinch or two of sugar (or brown sugar, or honey, or even just stevia) to increase the sweetness without incurring too many carbs.

Throw the cream and mascarpone in a metal bowl using a 2:1 cream to mascarpone ratio and whip it up using an electric beater. And don’t forget the lime zest.

Steamed Heavy Cream in Coffee

What can I say? I’ve tried doing coffee black. If it’s a lighter roast, I can do it. But I still prefer steamed heavy cream in my coffee, and I’m done feeling bad about that. Sorry, barista in a bowtie. Now, you don’t need much. If you’re trying to increase fat intake, you can add more. If you just like the taste, I find a splash or two (as opposed to a glug or two) is plenty.

I grab something organic from Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s.

That’s it for today, folks. Those are my favorite fat sources, as of right now. The list might change. It’ll probably grow; I don’t think I’ll suddenly tire of heavy cream or become convinced that coconut fat is killing us all.

What about you? What are your favorite fats? How do you eat them?

Thanks for reading. Take care, be well!

The post My 16 Favorite Fat Sources (Plus My Latest Big-Ass Salad) appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

Article source here:Marks’s Daily Apple

[themomsandthecity]

I'm a Stay-at-Home Mom Who's an Awful Housewife

Hannah Mayer is a nationally award-winning blogger, humor columnist and exponentially blessed wife and mother of three. She would trade everything for twelve uninterrupted hours in a room with Jon Hamm and two Ambien. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter or at her blog, sKIDmarks. "Hey, come here a second," my mom said as she replaced the book in my hands with a wooden spoon covered in what I prayed was red sauce. Together, we walked into the kitchen and hovered over the skillet like we were peering into a crystal ball. Looking into my future, I saw me eating a lot of takeout. "Now see - first you brown your ground round," she said, soldiering on despite me rolling my eyes so hard I could nearly see brain. "Look. You're not looking. You're going to give your whole family food poisoning if you don't pay attention. You want sick kids? You want to clean vomit out of someone's hair at 2 a.m.?" I was 10. My mom spent the better part of my adolescence convinced that I was going to grow up foraging for scraps out of trash cans and then have children only to watch them slowly starve to death. That was, if I could even find a man who wanted to marry someone who didn't cook. Small towns, you know. When it came time for college tours, it wasn't, "How much does it cost?" or, "What programs are accredited?" but, "What is the maximum number of daily meals your cafeteria is legally allowed to provide to students?" When I finally shoved off, the only thing I knew, or rather cared, how to make was a cheese roll-up - a piece of sliced cheese microwaved in a tortilla shell. In college I pretty much lived off those, cafeteria food, and old pizza I found laying around the sorority house. For me, cooking is just short of torture. I hate it, and the feeble attempts I've made have ended poorly. Not only that, but I believe it's a matter of logistics. Spending a considerable amount of time sweating and slaving over something that can be purchased by simply walking to the back of the grocery store and plucking a rotisserie chicken out from under the heat lamp doesn't make sense. I mean . . . sure. With enough time, preparation, and peer pressure I could probably muster up a decent seven-layer burrito. But why would I when I can drive the length of a football field and buy one for $1.99, without even having to leave the comfort of my vehicle? "Your oven is super . . . clean," I remember my realtor commenting as he did his walk through when I sold my condo and moved in with my husband. I realized then that I was 30 years old and had used my oven once - ONCE - to make frozen taquitos one night when I offered to cook him dinner when we were first dating. I didn't want him to think I was a big weirdo who hated to cook. However, I think the fact that I served frozen taquitos and nothing else tipped him off. My aversion to cooking was never really an issue until we had kids. My aversion to cooking was never really an issue until we had kids. Sure, for the first year or so it was fine. Boobies, bottles, and jars of baby food are right up my alley. I tried to stretch this out as long as possible, but most teachers give the thumbs down to strained peas in a lunchbox. Since eating out with kids costs a small fortune, they've had to adapt to my culinary handicap. "What's for dinner tonight?" they'll ask. "Imitation crab meat, cherry tomatoes, and as many almonds as you can handle!" I reply with a thumbs up and a smile. I will say this - at our house, we eat super clean. Trying to explain all of this to my friends who love to cook is like telling them you don't like the way their nose goes with the rest of their face. They take it so personally and can't imagine that anyone doesn't love spending the afternoon whipping up a creative masterpiece out of chicken thighs. "But cooking is so relaxing," they reason. "Pour yourself a glass of wine, turn on some music, and make your family some damn chicken tetrazzini! It's fun!" I like wine. I like music. Why can't we just leave it at that and open a nice can of tuna? Over the years I've tried several times to force it - convince myself it WAS fun. This is evidenced by my sad little Pinterest recipe board and my husband coming home, opening the windows, and asking, "What's that smell?" Turning 40 last year, I sat down and made a list of priorities in my life. One of my bullet points was to do more things I like to do, and leave behind what I don't. Cooking fell on the latter list. It's just part of who I am. My friends know they're getting PB&J finger sandwiches when I show up to their parties. My aunt knows I'm bringing the pies to Thanksgiving. "The ones from the bakery by your house. The STORE-BOUGHT ones, right?" she'll ask cautiously. "Is there any other kind?" I reply. And before you worry about my kids growing up to continue my legacy of serving their families chicken nuggets and olives for dinner, don't. Let's just say my mom finally got the eager proteges she's been praying for, times three. Related This Husband's Letter to His Wife Will Change the Way You Think of Stay-at-Home Moms 13 Habits of Highly Effective (and Sane) Stay-at-Home Moms 16 Things That Only Stay-at-Home Moms Understand http://bit.ly/2qjdcT9

[themomsandthecity]

I'm a Stay-at-Home Mom Who's an Awful Housewife

Hannah Mayer is a nationally award-winning blogger, humor columnist, and exponentially blessed wife and mother of three. She would trade everything for 12 uninterrupted hours in a room with Jon Hamm and two Ambien. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter or at her blog, sKIDmarks. "Hey, come here a second," my mom said as she replaced the book in my hands with a wooden spoon covered in what I prayed was red sauce. Together, we walked into the kitchen and hovered over the skillet like we were peering into a crystal ball. Looking into my future, I saw me eating a lot of takeout. "Now see - first you brown your ground round," she said, soldiering on despite me rolling my eyes so hard I could nearly see brain. "Look. You're not looking. You're going to give your whole family food poisoning if you don't pay attention. You want sick kids? You want to clean vomit out of someone's hair at 2 a.m.?" I was 10. My mom spent the better part of my adolescence convinced that I was going to grow up foraging for scraps out of trash cans and then have children only to watch them slowly starve to death. That was, if I could even find a man who wanted to marry someone who didn't cook. Small towns, you know. When it came time for college tours, it wasn't, "How much does it cost?" or, "What programs are accredited?" but, "What is the maximum number of daily meals your cafeteria is legally allowed to provide to students?" When I finally shoved off, the only thing I knew, or rather cared, how to make was a cheese roll-up - a piece of sliced cheese microwaved in a tortilla shell. In college I pretty much lived off those, cafeteria food, and old pizza I found laying around the sorority house. For me, cooking is just short of torture. I hate it, and the feeble attempts I've made have ended poorly. Not only that, but I believe it's a matter of logistics. Spending a considerable amount of time sweating and slaving over something that can be purchased by simply walking to the back of the grocery store and plucking a rotisserie chicken out from under the heat lamp doesn't make sense. I mean . . . sure. With enough time, preparation, and peer pressure I could probably muster up a decent seven-layer burrito. But why would I when I can drive the length of a football field and buy one for $1.99, without even having to leave the comfort of my vehicle? "Your oven is super . . . clean," I remember my realtor commenting as he did his walk through when I sold my condo and moved in with my husband. I realized then that I was 30 years old and had used my oven once - ONCE - to make frozen taquitos one night when I offered to cook him dinner when we were first dating. I didn't want him to think I was a big weirdo who hated to cook. However, I think the fact that I served frozen taquitos and nothing else tipped him off. My adversity to cooking was never really an issue until we had kids. My adversity to cooking was never really an issue until we had kids. Sure, for the first year or so it was fine. Boobies, bottles, and jars of baby food are right up my alley. I tried to stretch this out as long as possible, but most teachers give the thumbs down to strained peas in a lunchbox. Since eating out with kids costs a small fortune, they've had to adapt to my culinary handicap. "What's for dinner tonight?" they'll ask. "Imitation crab meat, cherry tomatoes, and as many almonds as you can handle!" I reply with a thumbs up and a smile. I will say this - at our house, we eat super clean. Trying to explain all of this to my friends who love to cook is like telling them you don't like the way their nose goes with the rest of their face. They take it so personally and can't imagine that anyone doesn't love spending the afternoon whipping up a creative masterpiece out of chicken thighs. "But cooking is so relaxing," they reason. "Pour yourself a glass of wine, turn on some music, and make your family some damn chicken tetrazzini! It's fun!" I like wine. I like music. Why can't we just leave it at that and open a nice can of tuna? Over the years I've tried several times to force it - convince myself it WAS fun. This is evidenced by my sad little Pinterest recipe board and my husband coming home, opening the windows, and asking, "What's that smell?" Turning 40 last year, I sat down and made a list of priorities in my life. One of my bullet points was to do more things I like to do, and leave behind what I don't. Cooking fell on the latter list. It's just part of who I am. My friends know they're getting PB&J finger sandwiches when I show up to their parties. My aunt knows I'm bringing the pies to Thanksgiving. "The ones from the bakery by your house. The STORE-BOUGHT ones, right?" she'll ask cautiously. "Is there any other kind?" I reply. And before you worry about my kids growing up to continue my legacy of serving their families chicken nuggets and olives for dinner, don't. Let's just say my mom finally got the eager proteges she's been praying for, times three. Related: This Husband's Letter to His Wife Will Change the Way You Think of Stay-at-Home Moms 13 Habits of Highly Effective (and Sane) Stay-at-Home Moms 16 Things That Only Stay-at-Home Moms Understand http://bit.ly/2iCHsbe