#man plus baby equals manly points

[wholesome-lee-trash]

Inner circle edition

Warnings: tickles, tell me if I need to add anything!

ACOTAR Tickle Headcanons (Pt 2)

General:

- Some members of the inner circle do in fact get lee/ler moods

- Have they actually sat down and discussed this? Probably not, but it's all just unspoken knowledge atp

- Most tickle fights happen between Rhysand and Cassian

Rhysand:

As a ler, dude knows exactly what you want. You want slow, gentle, teasing tickles? He's got you. You want the roughest and hardest and most belly laughter-inducing tickles? He's got you. He always knows when someone is in a lee mood. (Stupid mind powers) He doesn't get specific ler moods, but sometimes he sees someone and he looks at them and maybe they're wearing a crop top or stretching their arms up and he just gets the intense urge to tickle, but it's not really a ler "mood" just an urge to tickle that only appears when someone is doing a lee coded thing. Like wearing a crop top in front of him. He loves touching waists and bellies, this is canon

As a lee, my dude Rhysand turns into a whiny baby. At first he'll act all dignified and "I'm not even ticklish," which progresses into "I'm the High Lord you can't do this to me," to "wait no stOP-" Very manly giggles. Whines about how it tickles and how it's too much and how much you should move to another spot and how you should stop teasing him. Probably tickles you back and you've accidentally launched an all day tickle war. Expects you to cuddle him after. Once again, he doesn't really get lee moods per se, but sometimes he'll see a person talking with their hands or tapping their fingers on the desk and he'll wonder what that'd feel like if it was his belly and not the desk. But it's not really a mood, it's just triggered by people talking in that ler voice.

Cassian:

As a ler, okay, his hands are large. Large hands plus the average size body equals lots of space covered while tickling. This man could tickle your entire stomach and both your sides all at once with one hand. He is rough and playful and probably gives forehead kisses (or peppers the face in kisses if they're dating). All I have to say here is poor Nesta, who only wanted a cup for orange juice and had to reach up, since the cups in the cupboard above the counter. Very playful, very teasing, calls you lots of pet names and flirts with you, and at this point you can't tell whether you're blushing from the flirting or the tickling. Does get ler moods. Often takes them out on Nesta or his brothers.

As a lee, my man is ticklish everywhere. Does not try to hide his laughter at all. He's still flirting through his laughter. Like, you pull his shirt up to tickle his belly? "Hehehey at least tahahake mehehe tohohoho dinner fihihIHIHIRST!" Is very adorable. A sweetheart honestly. Also gets lee moods, so he just goes and annoys Rhysand until he catches on. Pretends to fight back sometimes, he doesn't want his dignity completely down the drain.

Azriel:

As a lee he is very sweet and giggly. He's the type to grab onto your wrists and forget to push you away until it's genuinely too much. At least with the people he's close with. He wants to be whiny like Rhysand, but he just can't get a breath in and can't speak and- why are his shadows helping? Yes, I know, the Shadowsinger gets lee moods. His moods only ever want gentle tickles. He acts slightly more restless when he's in a lee mood, but there's no tell. The only way one can actually figure it out is to tickle him and see if his shadows join in. Hates getting tickled, though. Sees it as an attack on his dignity and reputation. Only allows his brothers to do it. In private, not even the other members of the inner circle are allowed to see.

As a ler, this man is quiet and calculating. He is silent, listening to every change in pitch and tone of your laughter, figuring out which spot and technique makes you the most desperate. But on the good side, he also knows when it's too much before you can even register, because of how skilled his ears are at picking up the tones in your laughter. Very little teasing, which is almost teasing in of itself. Will not tickle anyone unless they explicitly ask. Do not try and drop hints that you want to be tickled to this man, I love him but in this situation, never have I ever met a boy more oblivious. You could walk up to him wearing a shirt that says "I wanna be tickled" and ask if he likes your shirt, and he still won't get it.

Mor:

As a lee, she is so beautiful, her laugh is so beautiful, she blushes such a pretty pink, she's so beautiful. She squirms a lot, and it's very adorable. She doesn't actively go and search out tickles, per se, but I mean, if one of her friends are in the mood to tickle somebody, she's not gonna say no. She just doesn't wanna be rude aha. Cannot handle what she dishes, and thus prefers rougher tickles. I wanna say her ears and elbows are ticklish as well, poor baby. Needs after care or she'll get upset, cuddles, some water, and someone running their fingers through her hair until she falls asleep should suffice.

As a ler, she is downright evil. She only gives the gentlest, lightest, teasing-est of tickles. She uses her Freshly Manicured Nails™️ to make the experience that much better worse. You want gentle tickles? Mor is the girl to go to. She doesn't judge at all in the slightest if someone wants tickles. She coos at you and likes to tease you as if you were a little baby getting tickled for the first time. "Aww look at that smile!" "Your giggles are so cute!" "You're doing so well, sweetie." Mor gets ler moods and will walk up to someone and blatantly ask if she can tickle them. In their confusion as to why someone would outright ask, she asks a little louder, in case they didn't hear her, and then assure them they're allowed to say no. If they say no, it's off to the next person. The order she goes in is usually Rhysand, Azriel, Cassian, Feyre, Amren. If everyone said no, and she's down to Amren, she might suddenly not be in the mood to tickle anymore because is anyone seriously dumb enough to try and tickle Amren? But sometimes she's desperate. I like to think Mor dedicates a "tickle nickname" to people. So for example, she might call Azriel cupcake, but ONLY while tickling him. So then, if she ever calls him cupcake, it flusters him. She's out here classical conditioning her bffs yall

Amren:

So we all know that Amren isn't used to the humanoid body, and because of this, my headcanon is she has no idea what it feels like to be tickled.

As a lee, she has no idea what she's doing. She doesn't have the "Don't you dare" reflex that most people do of trying to get away before they even begin. She doesn't understand what the wiggling fingers mean. And when they start, she attacks, because she feels the fingers and that's what her body tells her to do. She has no control over that. If one was able to successfully pin her down, you'd find that she'd groan and scream and grunt and do anything other than laugh that she could, because her body won't let her for some reason. She needs to be walked through being tickled. She needs things like "I'm gonna tickle your sides now." "What you're feeling is normal, you're okay." "You're doing so good sweetheart." Needs someone to literally hold her hand to squeeze. Even the Inner Circle is afraid to touch Amren, afraid to get bitten or smth, so she doesn't get a whole lot of experience with being a lee. Does she feel left out sometimes? Maybe but we dont talk about it.

As a ler, well, she still has no idea what that even means. But she let's her friends teach her. Cassian will sometimes lay down and instruct Amren on what to do. Or if Cassian and Rhysand are tickle fighting and Cassian has Rhysand pinned, he'll instruct her on how to tickle Rhysand. And sometimes Amren will worry she's hurting her friends because they're making strange noises and pleading "no" and "stop" and "don't" and they're arching their back and trying to get away.

[mudxhoney]

How dare you be this cute! How very dare!!

i do him an appreciate :)

[calpalirwin]

Choices

Summary: Ashton Irwin thought he had everything he needed in life in the form of his daughter. Funny the difference a choice can make.

A/N: Fuck... I only have one chapter left and I still haven’t written more... Need to get on that...

Content: Another big sad.

Word Count: 6.7K

And away, and away we go!

Chapter 6

When I woke up that Sunday, I was aware of 3 things- 1.) that I wasn’t in my bed, 2.) that someone was next to me, and 3.) something smelled good. I opened my eyes and found Cassidy asleep on top of me. I kissed the top of her head and gently sat up, hoping not to wake her up.

She stirred slightly in her sleep, and I pulled her up so her head rested on my shoulder, cradling her in my arms like I had when she was a newborn. I held her as she slept, listening to the sounds of my mom making breakfast in the kitchen, breathing in every second of it.

“Daddy?” Cassidy whispered in my ear as she finally stirred herself awake.

“Yeah, love?” I asked, tilting my head a little to look at her small face peering into mine.

“Did you catch the bad guys?”

“Of course,” I told her. “But, I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. Do you have to go back?”

I shook my head, “Nope. I’m all yours today.”

“Good!” she smiled.

“Oh good, you’re both up,” my mom said, looking at us. “Breakfast is ready. And let’s get a move on, we have church.”

“Ma, I don’t go to church anymore,” I told her gently as I took Cassidy and we sat at the table. Coming from an extremely Christian family, I knew the news wouldn’t go over well.

“You haven’t been taking my granddaughter to church? Ashton!” she began to scold.

“She’s baptized, Mom. Plus, I figure there are better ways to spend my free time with her than in church,” I explained as I cut up the pancakes on Cassidy’s plate and poured syrup on them.

“Well, we’re going today. All of us.”

“Really, Mom?” I asked in that “I know you’re still my mom, but I’m 26 and you can’t order me around in my own house” tone. 

“Give me one good reason why not, Ashton,” she told me.

I set down my fork, sighing. “I’ll give you 2. 1.) It’s a half hour drive to your church and a half hour drive back, so I’d lose a whole hour, plus however long the service is, to spend with Cass. And 2.) I’m still kinda pissed at the guy.”

“What guy, Ashton? God? You’re mad at God?!”

“Little bit, yeah,” I nodded, picking up my fork to start eating.

“Ashton Fletcher! What in the world are you mad at Him for?”

I gestured around, while I swallowed the food in my mouth. “Because He gave to me with one hand and took away from me with the other.”

“Oh, He did not take Taylor away from you. Taylor made that choice all by herself. And if you’re really into judging His choices, maybe stop and consider that some of those choices involved blessing you with a healthy, happy daughter, and then dropping Nic into both of your lives.”

I held up my hands, admitting defeat. “Alright, alright, I’ll go.”

~~~

“Did you like church?” I asked Cassidy, a few hours later as I helped her into her seat for the ride back home.

“It’s long,” she told me, matter-of-fact-like, buckling herself in her booster seat.

“I know, but we’ll go to the park after lunch, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

“Can Nic come too?” Cassidy asked me as I got in the driver’s seat and started the truck.

“Do you want her to?”

She nodded her head excitedly. “Mhm, I like Nic!”

“We can ask her. But we have to respect her answer, okay? If she says no, that’s that, understand?” I explained.

“No means no,” she told me, nodding.

“Good girl,” I said, while getting my Bluetooth to call Nic.

“Oh, hey, babe,” Nic’s voice answered after the first ring. “I wasn’t expecting you to call.”

“I know,” I told her. “I’m with Cass and she had a question for you.”

“Oh? What’s your question, sweetie?”

“Park!” Cassidy shouted from her seat.

“Park?” Nic asked, confused.

“Yeah,” I explained. “I’m taking Cass to the park later and she wants you to join us.”

“She does? Or you do, Ash?”

“We both do,” I laughed. “But it was her idea. What do you say?”

“Sure,” Nic said. “I have a few things I need to finish up though.”

“That’s fine, we’re gonna get lunch first anyway. Just text me when you’re done?”

“Sure, babe. I’ll see you soon.”

Cassidy was asleep by the time we made it back to the apartment. I slung her up on my shoulder and headed inside, almost colliding with Nic. “Oh, hey!” I whispered.

“Hey,” she smiled.

“She’s gonna be out for awhile,” I explained. “But you’re more than welcome to keep me company.”

“I’d love that. Let me just put my things inside.”

“Sure, just come on by when you’re done.” I got Cassidy down in her bed and got the laundry I meant to do yesterday going. I was moving on to clean up the kitchen when Nic came through the door. “Hey, baby,” I said, shaking water from my hands as I shut off the sink.

“Hey,” she responded, walking over to kiss me.

“Everything okay?” I asked, sensing her mood seemed off.

“Eh, I start classes tomorrow, so I’ve been trying to get everything ready. Just a little stressed.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

She shrugged as she made her way to sit on the couch, “I’ll be fine. Just trying to find that balance between work and school is stressful. Normally, I’d spend the weekend before school with my family to calm my nerves and destress. But, that’s a little hard,” she smiled sadly.

I sat next to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry you’re homesick. Is there anything I can do?”

“Well…” she drawled, her eyes sparkling. “You could give me that long list of reasons why you love me.”

I chuckled nervously, running my hand through my hair. “Well… I love that you accept the fact that I’m a dad with such grace. More than that, I love that you love my daughter. I love the way you interact with her like you’ve done it every day of your life,” I paused, running my hand through her hair now, trying to get my thoughts in order and slow my racing heart.

“Go on,” she coaxed.

“I love the way your nose crinkles when you laugh. I love your wildly independent streak and the way you trust me enough to let your guard down. I love the way you look when you’re sleeping next to me in one of my shirts. I love the way you look when you do a lot of things.” I winked seductively at her as I said the last sentence.

“Oh, do you?” you asked, her drawl doing that thing that drove me absolutely wild.

“I love when you talk with that voice,” I whispered.

“Anything else?” she asked, her voice soft and warm against my neck as she kissed me.

“Every little thing you do. I love it all. There isn’t a damn thing I’m not completely crazy about.”

“You sure know how to make a girl feel special, don’t ya?”

“Only the ones that matter.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re crazy about me, because I’m equally crazy about you.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s hard not to be crazy for you, Ash,” she told me like it was a fact.

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’re a great man with an even greater heart. You love deeply and unconditionally. You admit to your faults, which from personal experience, is not a thing many guys do. There’s this softness to all your strength that I wish you would let me see a little more, because I find it endearing.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, referring to her last sentence.

“What?”

“You wish I was softer?”

“I just mean… like you put on this front like nothing bothers you. But I know that there’s a softer side to the tough, got-it-all-together face you put on. And I wish you would let that side show a little bit more is all.”

“I thought I was pretty good at expressing how I felt with you. I’m sorry you think I’m holding back.” I was a little confused, as I had always considered myself to be a bit of an open book. She was right in that I controlled my emotions to the point that I seemed unbothered, but that didn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t show my emotions, I just kept them in check.

“No, Ash. I think you’re misunderstood. I meant… well you know how yesterday you hugged me goodbye? And you kinda let me just hold you for a bit? That’s what I meant. I didn’t mean… it was just nice to be able to provide you some comfort; to feel needed, if that makes sense.”

“Oh,” I said, remembering how good it had felt to lay my head on her shoulder. “Yeah, that was nice.”

“It was,” she agreed. “And you can do it more. If you’re scared I’ll find you less manly for it or whatever other bullshit reason, you don’t have to be. Like I said, I find it endearing that you’d trust me enough to let your own guard down.”

“My guard is down, Nic. I’ve let you into the most intimate aspects of my life which is something I haven’t done since Taylor. And I have a lot more at stake now than I did when I was seventeen. So it wasn’t something I did easily. It was something I did because I feel comfortable with you and trust you.” I wasn’t sure what she was implying or wasn’t implying and my confusion was getting me a little agitated.

“Hey,” she said softly, “Don’t get defensive. I wasn’t saying that you haven’t let your guard down. I know you have. And I love you for it. But, this is an equal partnership. You’re allowed to fall apart too.”

“Sorry,” I said, realizing that I was probably sounding a little mean. “But, it takes a lot for me to fall apart. Not to say that I don’t have bad days or moments when my emotions get the better of me. And it’s not that I didn’t like you holding me, rather than me holding you. Because I did; it was a nice change of pace. But, I’m used to being the one doing the comforting, rather than the other way around, y’know? So it just takes a lot more for me to be in that place of accepting comfort than say, Cass.”

She nodded. “Just know that I’ll catch you, okay? Because I love you and you deserve someone who will be strong when you can’t. Even if it’s only for a second.”

I nodded myself. “Okay, but right now, I am supposed to be comforting you. Just for the record.”

~~~

It didn’t take long after our conversation for me to be in the position where I was the one seeking comfort.

First came the battle with Cassidy over breakfast. Normally, on weekdays, I’d make her a bowl of cereal or oatmeal. When she refused her oatmeal options, I moved on to her options of cereal. She picked one with ease, and I grabbed both the box and a bowl. “No!” she screeched as I started pouring, “I can do it!” 

I set the box down and lifted her up and set her on the counter so she could pour her own bowl. “Sorry, love,” I apologized, forgetting in my half-asleep state that she was in that seeking independence phase. After a moment or so of no progress towards her pouring her own bowl, I asked her, “Well? Don’t you want cereal?”

“You have to dump the old cereal out so I can do it,” she told me.

I sighed, questioning the logic of her needing me to dump out the cereal already in the bowl if she was just going to redump it in herself, but did it anyway. I sighed again as she dumped the cereal into the bowl and also all over the counter. “Do you want Daddy to pour the milk for you?” I asked her, going to the fridge to grab the milk.

“No, I can do it,” was the defiant response.

“Careful,” I cautioned as I handed her the carton and watched as the milk splashed half in the bowl and half on the counter. “Easy there,” I said, lifting up the carton so it wouldn’t spill anymore.

“Oops…” she said softly.

“Accidents happen,” I said, more as a reminder to myself than to her as I set her down and handed her the bowl of cereal. “Sit at the table and eat your breakfast,” I told her. I cleaned off the counter before I quickly made my own bowl of cereal. I leaned against the counter and smiled over at Cassidy, who grinned back at me, milk dripping down her chin. “Good?” I asked, swallowing my own bite.

“Mhm,” she nodded.

It was smooth sailing while we ate our breakfast. Then came the battle of getting dressed. When Cassidy first began her crusade for independence, I started out by laying out outfits for her and letting her pick which one she wanted to wear. Now that she was approaching six, I was starting to let her pick out her clothes and get dressed by herself, giving myself time to get dressed myself. After we rinsed out our bowls, she dashed down the hall to get dressed while I followed. I kept my ears peeled for signs of struggle as I got dressed myself, before popping my head in her door. “How we do-” I started, my eyes taking in the sight of her clothes thrown across her room haphazardly. “Cassidy Marie?” I asked, my voice firm and demanding an explanation.

“I have nothing to wear,” she told me innocently.

I gestured wildly around her room. “All these clothes and you can’t find anything you want to wear?” I got a flashback of all the times my parents had fought Lauren for the same reason and groaned. Cassidy was too young to be pulling the “I have nothing to wear” card. I wasn’t ready.

“You see my problem?” she said with the sass of a teenager.

“I see a lot of clothes thrown around your room. Now pick something, please.”

“Daddy,” she protested.

“Pick something, Cassidy, or I swear you will go to daycare in your pajamas.”

“Daddy!” she started to whine.

“You have 10 minutes to pick something, get dressed, and clean this mess up,” I told her. I could hear her continue to whine as I went about finishing getting myself ready and packing our lunches. When I finished up, I went back to see how she was doing. Her clothes were still everywhere and she was still in her pajamas. “Cassidy Marie,” I half-growled as I pinched the bridge of my nose. “What do you want to wear?” I asked, hoping to help speed up the process.

“I don’t know!” she hissed.

I grabbed a pair of jeans, a skirt, 2 shirts, and a dress. I laid all 3 outfits on her bed. “Pick. Now.”

She looked at them for a second. Then, she grabbed the clothes in her arms and flung them towards the floor. “I don’t like those!” Her voice was shrill as the tears started coming.

I crouched down in front of her, putting my hands on her shoulders. “Hey,” I asked, making my voice soft. “What’s wrong?” I brushed one of my hands against her forehead, checking if she felt warmer than usual. Sometimes she got extra stubborn when she wasn’t feeling good.

“I don’t like my clothes.”

“Okay. But these are the clothes you have, so you need to pick something, love.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Do you want me to pick something for you?” I asked.

She nodded.

I reached for whatever was closest, which happened to be a pair of jeans and a purple shirt with a mermaid on it. “Here, now get dressed, please.”

She stomped about as she changed, still pouting.

“Now, let’s go brush your teeth and do something with your hair,” I told her.

“What about my clothes?” she asked.

“You can clean them up before dinner. Now, c’mon.”

In the bathroom, she got up on her stool to brush her teeth while I brushed out her hair. “Ow!” she protested, as the brush snagged in her tangled mess of hair.

“Sorry, love,” I said as I gently brushed out her hair. “How do you want your hair, today?” I asked, putting a ponytail holder around my wrist for easy access. “Ponytail, bun, pigtails, or a braid?” I ran through the options.

“Braid!”

“Braid it is,” I said and set to work. It wasn’t the best braid in the world, but it got the job done. “Okay, ready to go?” I asked as she rinsed her mouth and put her toothbrush in its holder.

“Ready!” she grinned.

I dropped her off at daycare and headed for work, hoping the rest of my day would go more smoothly. No such luck. I was slammed with paperwork the moment I walked in, working through my lunch and figuring I’d have to call my parents or Lauren to pick up Cassidy and watch her so I could stay late. Fate had other plans when my cell rang, drawing me away from the mounds of paperwork. I frowned when the caller ID claimed it was the daycare calling me, as my mind started going through the possibilities. Had she gotten hurt? Was she actually sick? Praying it wasn’t serious, I answered the call. “This is Ashton.”

“Mr. Irwin? It’s Miss Nancy. Are you able to come in for a quick conference?”

I blew my breath out in a huff and ran a hand through my hair. “Uh, yeah. Is something wrong?”

“Cassidy got into a little disagreement with one of the other kids and we just want to make both parents aware and give them the rest of the day to cool off.”

I sighed, “I’ll be right there.” I hung up and sighed again. Where had I gone so wrong in my parenting that my five year old was essentially getting suspended from daycare? I quickly explained to Luke and Mike that I had to step out for a bit, but that I would be back if I could.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Luke assured me, clapping me on the back.

“Yeah, go take care of Cass,” Mike agreed. “We got it covered.”

I thanked them both for being understanding before making my way out to the truck. The whole drive to the daycare I was running through the possibilities of what Cassidy could have done to warrant my coming down there. “Daddy!” Cassidy cried as she ran over and hugged me.

“Hey, love,” I said, picking her up in my arms. Her braid that I thought I’d done okay with had come loose, the ponytail holder clinging desperately to a few strands of her hair. There was also a small bruise forming on her arm and her face was red like she’d been crying. I pulled out the ponytail holder, putting it around my wrist, and ran my hand through her hair to undo the last bit of braid that still existed. “You okay?” I asked, trying to mask my anger. Just by her appearance I could tell that she was not okay, and heaven help whoever caused my daughter harm. Whatever “little disagreement” had happened was clearly not so little.

“Mr. Irwin,” Miss Nancy greeted, warmly. “I’d like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. Collins.”

I looked over at the stern-faced parents, with a little boy in front of them. “Ashton, hi,” I said, reaching out to shake their hands, again forcing myself to keep my anger in check.

“Will Mrs. Irwin be joining us?” Mrs. Collins asked Miss Nancy, completely ignoring me.

“There is no Mrs. Irwin,” I told her flatly.

“Yeah, Cassidy doesn’t have a momma!” the little boy sneered.

Cassidy’s face turned bright red and she tried to lunge from my arms. I had half a mind to let her at the boy before I realized that was probably we were having this conference in the first place. “Relax,” I coaxed quietly to her.

“Shall we?” Miss Nancy asked, motioning towards her office. The five of us followed after her, Cassidy and the little boy sticking their tongues out at each and blowing raspberries. I let the Collins’ have the 2 seats in front of the desk, choosing to stand off to the side. I set Cassidy down, resting my hands on her shoulders.

“So, what happened?” I asked, after a few moments of silence.

“Well,” Miss Nancy began. “After I talked with both children, from what I can gather is Jacob made a comment about Cassidy’s appearance that made her upset, and pulled her hair. When she used her words to express that she was upset, he then made a further comment regarding how she doesn’t have a mom. Then, Cassidy hit Jacob and the two continued to hit each other. As our policy, both Cassidy and Jacob are suspended from daycare tomorrow.”

“Understandable,” I said. Granted, I wasn’t pleased in the slightest that I was going to have to find arrangements for Cassidy to be watched tomorrow. But, I was also very proud of her for standing up for herself.

“That’s all you have to say for your daughter’s behavior towards our son?” Mrs. Collins asked me.

“My daughter’s behavior? Your kid started this mess. My daughter was merely defending herself.”

“Your daughter attacked our son!”

I laughed. “Attacked is a little strong. They’re 5. What comments did Jacob make, Miss Nancy?”

Miss Nancy shifted uncomfortably. “He… uh… he mentioned that it was apparent she only had a father because her braid was messy and his mother always makes his sister’s braid look pretty. Then he pulled at the braid. The second comment was again in regards to how Cassidy doesn’t have a mother.”

“He said my momma left because she hates me because I’m bad,” Cassidy told me, her eyes filling with tears. “So, I hit him because he made me feel bad.”

I picked her up, my heart breaking for her and my blood boiling as she sobbed into my shoulder. “You’re okay, love. Daddy’s got you,” I soothed, glowering at the parents. “So, my kid hit your kid for being a bully, but Cassidy’s the problem?”

Mr. Collins looked down at his son. “Just because Cassidy doesn’t have a mother to do her hair, that doesn’t give you the right to make fun of her, Jacob.”

I sighed. His heart was in the right place, even if he made it sound condescending as all hell.

“Yes,” Mrs. Collins nodded. “It’s not Cassidy’s fault her momma left her.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, getting angry all over again. “I’m sorry, I think I’m misunderstanding something here. If Cassidy had a mother would you be saying the same thing you are now?”

“Well, if she had a mother, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, now would we?”

My eyes narrowed. “Ma’am will all due respect, but pull your head out of your ass. 1.) It’s 2020, so single-parent households aren’t exactly an anomaly. 2.) Yes, I’m a single dad raising a daughter. Yes, it’s hard. But, at least I’m not raising a bully with a superiority complex. And 3.) I’ll ask again- if Cassidy had a mother instead of me would you dare say the same things- or better yet, if Cassidy was a boy would you be questioning my parenting skills then?”

Mrs. Collins stood there with her mouth agape. “Well… I… How dare you!”

“How dare I? How dare you! And you,” I said, turning towards Mr. Collins. “Are you gonna do or say anything? Or are you one of those dads that let’s the mom do all the work and expect to be praised when you so much as read a bedtime story?”

“Look,” he said, “We’ll deal with our son how we see fit. I trust you’ll deal with your daughter however you see fit.”

“Fair enough,” I said, the fight leaving me. “Tomorrow’s Thursday, so I’ll just keep Cassidy out the rest of the week,” I told Miss Nancy.

“That’s fine, Mr. Irwin. We’ll see Cassidy on Monday.”

I nodded and headed for the door. “Go get your lunch box, love and we’ll go home, okay?” I told Cassidy as I set her on her feet.

She looked up at me and wiped her face with her arm. “Am I in trouble?”

“We’ll talk about it at home, okay?”

She nodded and walked off to grab her lunch box and drawings from her cubby. A hand fell on my shoulder- Miss Nancy’s. “Between you and me, Ash, it’s only because of policy that Cassidy can’t be here tomorrow. I’ve had problems with Jacob bullying other kids. Cassidy’s just the first one to fight back. You’re raising a strong girl, there.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Bye, Cass,” Miss Nancy smiled at Cassidy as she made her way back over to me.

“Bye, Miss Nancy,” Cassidy told her, reaching for my hand.

The Collins made their way past us, their son in tow. Mr. Collins fell a step behind his wife and son, crouching down next to Cassidy. “Good for you, sweetie,” he told her winking before nodding at me, “Not that you need it, because you seem to be doing a fine job, but good luck, man.”

“Thanks,” I said, shaking his hand. “And sorry.”

“Me, too,” he laughed before going after his family who were waiting impatiently at the door.

“Am I in trouble?” Cassidy asked again, as I helped her into her seat.

“No,” I shook my head.

“But, I hit him. You said ‘Cassidy Marie, we do not hit!’” she reminded me, making her voice deep as she mimicked me.

“I did. And for the most part that’s true. But, sometimes you gotta fight back. And you’ll never be in trouble with me for defending yourself.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Well…” I thought for a minute, trying to put in a way she’d understand. “Remember how you got mad and hit me at the grocery store?”

She nodded.

“That wasn’t okay. But today, you told Jacob he hurt your feelings and to stop, right?”

“Mhm…”

“And he didn’t. And you got more upset and hit him. That’s okay. Whenever someone hurts you or makes you upset and you tell them to stop, and they don’t stop, I want you to hit them as hard as you can. Does that make sense?”

“I think so…”

“It’s confusing, I know. Just make sure to always use your words first. But if someone makes you feel bad and they don’t stop, then you do whatever you need to do to make them stop. Nobody ever gets to make you feel bad. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I kissed the top of her head before making my way to the driver’s side.

“Daddy?” she asked as I started the car.

“Yes, love?”

“Does Momma hate me because I’m bad?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, breathing deep. It was one thing for the kid to bully her for not having a mom- I had been preparing myself for that day since she was born. But it was another thing for his mother to back up her shitty kid’s shittyness with more shittyness. I turned in my seat to look at her. “Cassidy Marie Irwin. You are not bad. You are the greatest. Momma doesn’t hate you, either.”

“Then why she’d leave?”

“She wasn’t ready to be a momma. Remember, love?” I knew it was a lot to expect her to remember the conversation back in my childhood bedroom when I confessed to Nic how my relationship with Taylor had really ended.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, love.”

“Can I talk to her? Maybe she’s ready to be a momma now.”

My stomach fell. Once again, I had been preparing for the day she’d ask about her mom since the day she was born. I figured she’d be older, but I realized that I’d never really have any definitive answer for Cassidy about why Taylor left because in truth, I didn’t really know myself. All I knew was that she had suffered through the pregnancy for my sake while I spent the nine months trying to convince her to change her mind. In the end, she had wanted her freedom, and I had been too busy raising a newborn to really question her decision, so I chalked it up to just that- she wanted her freedom. And after she gave me Cassidy, despite not wanting to go through a pregnancy in the first place, I was more than happy to leave it at that. “Maybe,” I told Cassidy. Maybe opened up a whole world of different outcomes that I wasn’t prepared to deal with.

~~~

Back at the house, I had Cassidy clean up her clothes while I called work. I explained to both Luke and Mike what had happened and that I was going to stay home with Cassidy until Monday, making arrangements to swing by to pick up any paperwork that wasn’t done to help them out in spite of my extended weekend. Then, I called Nic. I didn’t know if she’d answer or if she’d be free to come over, what with her new schedule, but I wanted to hear her voice, even if it was just her voicemail.

“Hey, babe. How’s work?” she answered on the second ring, her sweet voice putting me at ease for the first time all day.

“Hey, baby. I’m actually taking the rest of the week off. So I thought if you’re free you might want to come over. Maybe we could take Cassidy to a movie later or something?”

“Sure! I’m actually on my way home right now, so I’ll see you in a bit?”

“Perfect, I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and went to check on Cassidy. She was asleep in a pile of her clothes. I laughed softly, putting her in her bed. Then, I put away her clothes.

I had just turned on the TV when the front door opened and Nic stepped in. “Hey,” she greeted, sitting next to me. “You okay? You sounded weird on the phone.”

“Been a rough day,” I admitted.

“Is everything okay? It’s not like you to leave halfway through a work day and take the rest of the week off. Is Cassidy okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. Well… yeah, we’re fine.”

“Babe… what happened?”

I sighed. “Normal stuff. She fought me over breakfast and getting dressed. Then work was just a mountain of paperwork that I didn’t make any progress with.”

“Okay. But what happened to send you home in the middle of the day?”

“Cass got in a fight with a boy at daycare. So I had to bring her home. And she’s suspended tomorrow. But tomorrow’s Thursday, so I’m just taking a long weekend.”

“So which part’s bothering you? The fight she got into at daycare? Or the fight she got into with you when you sent her to her room?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “No, she’s napping. It’s more why she got into a fight that’s bothering me. Or more, what she asked. I dunno. Either way, I’m just…” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. I’m just what? I thought to myself.

She pulled my head to her shoulder and I let it rest there. “Well, what happened?” she asked, running her hands through my hair.

“A boy teased her about her braid, because it’s obvious that she doesn’t have a mom, because if she did, her braid wouldn’t look like shit. She told him to stop and he proceeded to tell her that not only was it obvious she didn’t have a mom, but that the reason she didn’t have a mom was because her mom hated her because she’s bad. So she punched him. And he hit back and so forth and so on.”

“Poor thing,” she sighed sadly, “But good for her!”

“That was my same reaction. Well, I had a few choice words for the boy’s mother who basically defended her little demon spawn. But yeah, I’m proud of her. I hope she kicked his little ass.”

“Me too,” Nic smiled. “So what did she ask that further bothered you? Obviously what the boy told her bothers you. But there’s more, I can tell.”

“Well she asked more about Taylor. And I explained to her that Taylor leaving had absolutely nothing to do with her. Then she asked if she could call Taylor because maybe now she’s ready to be a mom.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean, if she wants a relationship with Taylor, I don’t want to hold her back. But I don’t want her to be disappointed if Taylor isn’t what Cass expects or if Taylor still doesn’t want a relationship with her. Especially when she’s this young. How do you explain to a 5 year old that her mom doesn’t want her? How do you explain that to anybody?”

“How much of this is you caring about Cass and wanting to protect her and how much is this you projecting your own feelings about your biological dad?”

I let out my breath in a huff. “Fuck if I know,” I shrugged. “I like to think I’m not damaged over my biological dad leaving because I was too young to know any different, and then I had Jack so it didn’t matter. I dunno.”

“Okay… but let’s say Taylor does want a relationship with Cass. What does that mean for you?”

“I’d be more than happy if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass.”

“But…?”

I sighed. “There’s a lot of maybes and what ifs I have about it. Maybe I call Taylor. Maybe she doesn’t want a relationship with Cass and I have to deal with Cass having her heart broken. Maybe Taylor does want a relationship, and now she’s back in my life. I’m not gonna lie, there were plenty of days and nights I dreamed Taylor would show up at my doorstep and say she made a mistake and wanted to be in our lives again. But, I have you now. And if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass, then fine, but I don’t need to have a relationship with Taylor beyond a ‘mother of my child’ kind. But what if Cass gets it into her head that Momma and Daddy should be together? How do I explain to a 5 year old that there will always be a part of me that cares for Taylor and I’ll always respect her as the mother of my kid, but I don’t love her that way? That I love you that way, not her mother? There’s just a lot I thought I’d be prepared for and I’m just not. And if I just ignore what Cass asked, will she eventually forget and I won’t have to deal with it? Or, worse, will she remember when she’s older about the time she asked about calling Momma, and Daddy said ‘yeah, of course’ and never did, and she ends up resenting me for keeping her mom from her? I just… I don’t know what to do. I want to be enough for her. What if I’m not?” My eyes felt wet and I quickly wiped at them and took a breath to calm myself. “Sorry,” I choked out, wiping at my eyes some more.

She looked at me tenderly. “Babe, I’m not a parent. I don’t know what it’s like to want to fiercely protect someone from the world, or to wrestle with if you’re doing enough. So, I’m not gonna pretend like I have the answers for you. But, if you want, I’ll offer you my opinion and you can do with it what you like.”

“And what’s your opinion?”

“Well, for one I think you’re doing one hell of a job raising Cass. Don’t ever doubt that. You are an amazing father. Secondly, I think you should call Taylor and ask if she’d be willing to meet her daughter. If she says no, then ask if you can call back in a few years and ask again. That way you can at least tell Cass you tried and that her mom just isn’t ready yet. If she says yes, then go from there. One meeting and she’ll want a relationship with Cass, there’s no doubt about it. After that, it’s up to them what their relationship becomes and you can go from there.”

“You’re not worried about the possibility of Taylor being in my life again?”

“Should I be?” she raised her eyebrows.

“No,” I shook my head. “The only thing I want from Taylor is the promise that if she wants a relationship with Cass that she won’t break her heart the same way she broke mine.”

“Then I’m not worried. Admittedly when you first told me you were a dad, I was worried about your relationship with the mother. A little bit out of jealousy, but I was mostly worried about how Cass and Taylor would feel about me being in your life and in your daughter’s life. But, I trust you, babe. Just be honest with me. I’d prefer honesty, even if i might not like it, compared to lying or hiding anything. I get that if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass, it’ll be a little awkward between the two of you. And I’m fine if that confuses you. Just be honest about it. Don’t blindside me.”

I finally lifted my head off her shoulder to look at her. “You are way too easy-going about this. This doesn’t scare you? Or make you uneasy at all?”

“It does. I’m worried that if Taylor wants a relationship with Cass that she’s going to think it means a relationship with you, too. I’m worried that those old feelings will resurface for both of you. I mean, I’m in love with you, Ash, and I don’t want you to break my heart. But, that’s a risk in every relationship. Every relationship runs the risk of ending in heartbreak. I’m just choosing to bet this one doesn’t.”

“I’m betting on us, too,” I smiled, kissing her, before resting my head on her shoulder again. Her arm snaked around to rub my back in a soothing manner. I let my body relax into hers, allowing her to comfort me while my mind wrestled with the best decision for Cassidy. We sat there in silence, me laying against her, her rubbing my back, until Cassidy woke up from her nap. “Hey, love, feeling better?” I asked, sitting upright.

She shrugged as she crawled into my lap.

“You know I love you, right?” I wrapped my arms around her.

She nodded. Then, “Daddy, you should only do ponytails.”

I chuckled softly. “I’m sorry, love. You don’t feel left out not having a momma, do you?”

She shook her head. “I like having a daddy. But all the other kids have mommas, too. And they’re nice and pretty. Why can’t Nic be my momma? She’s nice and pretty.”

I choked a little. “Uh… love… it doesn’t work like that, love. You have a momma, already.”

“But, I want a real momma.”

“Do you want a momma so she’ll braid your hair?” Nic asked.

“Yeah. All the girls have pretty braids because they have mommas.”

“Well, you don’t need a momma for pretty braids.”

“I don’t?”

“No,” Nic told her. “Mommas are just like daddies. Daddies can make just as pretty braids as mommas. They just need more practice because their hair is shorter.”

“Oh!” Cassidy said, like the whole world made sense again. Then, she leaned up to Nic and whispered loudly, “Can you teach Daddy how to braid my hair?”

Nic laughed and hugged Nora, “Of course!”

Over the next hour, Nic taught me several different types of braids, while I slowly started to admit that if I wanted to raise my daughter to have the confidence to make her own choices, then I had to support them, regardless of my own inhibitions. If Cassidy wanted to try and have a relationship with Taylor, then I wasn’t going to be the one standing in the way.

~~~

Tag List (Leave a message at the beep)

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[narrowtriangle33-blog]

Quotes that accurately describe White Trump Voters.

"It’s not just that he’s white. White people sneer at, mock, ostracize, and generally hate on other white people all the time. It’s that he DELIVERS RACISM and THAT is the priority to his base. This is what gets me when writers and thinkers wring their hands in befuddlement, like Nichols is doing, about how Trump’s base can “vote against their own interests.” They’re not! They’re prioritizing the babies in cages, the “shithole countries” remarks, the deadly Charlottesville clashes with literal fucking Nazis, etc OVER health care, transitioning the economy away from fossil fuels, education, assistance to the poor, and whatever other liberal agenda items one would think would be natural, rational fits for the Cleti everywhere.

These people are absolutely voting in their own interests, and getting exactly what they wanted out of the Trump admin. He has been a tremendous success in their eyes because he has delivered racism since Day 1, and that’s what they want out of politics."

"This, They will never -ever- admit it, outside of trolling on the net, but Trump has done more to support their views and find great joy in it then any GOP member before.

He’s all but given up on the dog whistles, once he found out that the media will simply ‘tut-tut’ and that delights his base. Even when he does something that will fuck them over, they overlook it because he continues to advance their agenda with huge leaps. Most of the never-Trumpers discovered early on that going against him can lead to getting primaried and Mitch is content to let Trump do whatever the fuck he wants with limited disagreement, because he’s busy installing GOP goal friendly judges everywhere.

The DNC’s response has been to avoid rocking the boat as much as they can by offering up Joe with a bone thrown to black people with a possable black woman VIP. (If that even happens), but the chances are high that Trump will get another four years to continue to do as he likes. And what will the Dems do? Protest and throw shade and offer limited resistance that won’t slow down Trump for a second.

People don’t like to even entertain the idea that Trump will win, but without a huge number of people turning out against them, what else can they expect will happen?"

"My father HATED John Wayne with a burning passion that I remember from age 3-4! He loved Westerns but he would spend the entire movie foaming at the mouth at all the racist tropes and outright historical lies of each one of them! Honestly, although he loved thoughtful rap, I think he idolized Chuck D for simply uttering his infamous lyric!

Now that I’ve reached a certain age, I find I love Westerns too - but not John Wayne, Clint Eastwood or any old ones. I like the newer ones that speak to what deplorables white cowboys were: The Revenant, Bone Tomahawk, Hostiles and the like. They’re still white-centered and white-washed but any modern thinking person can see that the cowboy image should stand for nothing but a savagely cruel, thieving, raping murderer (and we’ve been consistently lied to)."

"Does Trump accept responsibility and look out for his team? Not in the least. In this category, he exhibits one of the most unmanly of behaviors: He’s a blamer. Nothing is ever his fault."

"This is nothing but rose-colored bullshit. Anyone who’s ever spent more than 5 minutes working in corporate life knows for the most part this isn’t how white men behave. Those offices are full of extremely mediocre men who are very confident and have nothing to back it up with other than their bluster, egos, and the generational wealth that allows them a leg up over others. That generational wealth allows them to go to the diploma mills that open doors for them. Admitting mistakes or even admitting just not knowing something in that environment comes off as weakness to them. They spend most of their energy trying to project the image of confidence and control, which is why they’re quick to rage when things don’t go their way. A good example is the douche bag running Quibi that gave that horrendus interview a couple of weeks ago. He was asked a couple of questions about why his company was failing while other streaming services are thriving, and where they might have went wrong in their business model. He didn’t accept responsibility for shit. He went into his hurt little feelings and attacked the interviewer, and tried to make the questions seem like they weren’t valid.

On steroids this white American exceptionalist world view is called patriotism. It manifests in the idea that we as a country can do things counter intuitive the rest of the world just because we’re the USA. More mass shootings by far than any other country? USA! Other countries have cheap/free education through college? So what, USA! Biden even displayed this during one of the debates when Warren pointed out the same disparity in our healthcare compared to every other developed nation. Guess how he responded.

I feel like I started rambling a little but what I’m trying to get at is that whiteness, toxic masculinity, and patriotism are so intertwined that its beyond the author of that Trump think piece."

"Funnily enough as the article and subject matter were in regard to racism in the US I didn’t feel a burning need to mention Indigenous Australians but to answer your question they are pretty much in the same boat as black Americans. Did anything I say imply otherwise or were you just fishing for an argument?

"Stupid as it is, “You’re a manly-man, right? So why is your manly-man leader such a cowardly little pussy?”

That’s not what he projects and that’s not what they see. They see him using aggressive and accusatory tones and language all the time and it makes him look tough."

They fall for the “Emporor Has No Clothes” routine because they never look at him critically. They buy the bullshit on the surface, and don’t see that his words never match his actions. He said on tv several times that if anyone in the country wants a Covid test, they can get tested. Ask them how many people they know whose jobs don’t require it, have actually been tested. He down played the death toll of this disaster every step of the way. Remember when we were supposed to be in church for Easter? As long as he lies with confidence, they’ll follow him to hell."

"I’m definitely tired, and frustrated, and everything else. I keep holding my nose and voting, and that only adds to the exhaustion and frustration because very little if anything seems to change, and in some ways we keep repeating the mistakes of the past. I’d never advocate for doing nothing, but trying to engage and challenge the average Republican-voting dipshit to think critically, and not keep supporting people and policies that perpetuate and exacerbate the problems this country has??? No thanks. If you’re not black, I so encourage you to take up that mantle, but for me as a black dude in this country I can’t. Talk about shooting the messenger. Plus, to keep it a buck, this is mostly white people’s mess, if not all. They need to fix it.

Honestly I feel like racism festers because most white people just look the other way. The racism of their peers/friends/relatives doesn’t impact them personally so they’re probably just people to be avoided. Why rock the boat when you can just avoid an uncomfortable topic? Joe might forward you Fox News and OANN stories, and racist FB memes, but he’s fun at Bills games. Well what if Joe is also a cop, or in a management position over minorities? You can bet money he takes those views you overlooked with him to his job. The PoC he interacts with won’t have the benefit of seeing him at Bills games, or might not even have the benefit of being seen as equals."

"People get so caught up in the blatant, mustache-twirling racism that they don’t see the subtle pervasive way it spreads like a cancer. For every Trump there are dozens Joes, and along with the Joes are the real problem: The people who ignore the Joes. The Joes and Karens go on to commit all kinds of microaggressions that Poc pretty much have to tolerate, and in Joe’s and Karen’s minds that’s just the way the world works. I deserved to get followed around Joe’s store. I came in wearing a hoodie and Adidas so I couldn’t be up to any good. Karen felt threatened when I walked into the building she lives in, so she felt justified to call the police, never mind the fact that I live there too. This is how deep this shit runs. It’s not just politics. Racism isn’t just baked into politics. It’s part of the flour the US was baked with.

So I appreciate you if you’re willing to call these fools out. I’m glad somebody is because I’m not wasting my breath. They won’t hear me anyway."

"I mean if Tom Nichols was in front of me and read this steaming pile of shit to me I would’ve slapped him silly and said the reason that people that look like you excuse all of his fuck ups, failings and mistakes is because well HE LOOKS LIKE YOU!!!! The question that none of these mouth breathing chud monkeys seem to want to answer or are incapable of answering is would you excuse any black, Hispanic or Asian man that had his resume? We know the fucking answer.

When this bloated piece of unseasoned chicken shut down the government in January of 2019 hurting his all white, poorly educated base the most a quote from a voter in Florida was burned into my head forever. She said upon not getting her government subsidized check (I mean they have no issues with the government helping them, it is those pesky brown people that are lazy and entitled) “He is not hurting the people he is supposed to be hurting.” Let that sink in. A voting US Citizen thought it was the job of the sitting *president to hurt people. That says it all. Their allegiance isn’t based in anything other than anger and hatred of those that they deem less than them. Fuck him and them and may they both rot in hell."

"“He is not hurting the people he is supposed to be hurting.”

That spontaneous, bewildered, stream of consciousness utterance by someone who doesn’t think critically but has an indwelt recognition of like-mindedness IS the Trump voter exemplified! A racist who found themselves too poor, too old and without the power to demand or protect the status quo and just wants to stick it to their perceived enemies while retaining ‘something’ for themselves.

That sentiment has fueled every waking thought, worry and action of an American white since the founding of this country.

So, it’s not just every Confederate flag waver, every neo-Nazi and every flyover state’er; it’s every aggrieved American white who had to accept the changing world around them; there’s no reasoning with them nor changing their minds.

My fear is that I’m becoming inhumane like them because I was soooo happy when he cut her Meals on Wheels and didn’t cut her Social Security check."

"I think you nailed this right on the head. All through the article, he keeps pointing out what we already know except for one thing. After all, why would white people elect someone who is so far outside of what they claim to be/stand for? He’s not conservative in any real way. Yet conservatives stand behind him. He’s not a Christian in any practical sense by his actions. Yet Christians say he’s sent by God. He’s not a good businessman, father, or even person. Yet here we are. The only answer that makes sense in any real way is that he is proof that to many people, any white man can do the same or better than even the best black man, woman, or POC in general. There’s always a backlash to progress both real and imagined. Trump is it."

"Also, a lot of the characteristics Nichols thinks represent the opposite of idealized masculinity are actually representative of masculinity as it is performed in this country. From my experience with men who lean into their masculinity, it is about performing dominance by antagonizing people, all in the service of making shallow, insecure men feel better about themselves.  Trump is a domineering asshole, which is what too many men think being a man is all about."

"It is fascinating how unbelievably brainless racists are. Many of the commenters and you Damon have pointed out the stupidity of racism. I mean this seriously, racists have absolutely abandoned intellect, progress, humanity or desire for real greatness that could manifest through equality, in order to hold onto the despicable delusion of superiority based solely on a human having more melanin than another. The sheer simplicity of the trick doesn’t even seem like it should work; but alas, all roads merge at Slave Rd. The dimwitted aptitude it takes for a person to actually believe stealing humans, beating, burning, assaulting, selling their children on auction blocks, splitting families (and more brutalities)...... all for greed born out of sheer laziness, and again stupidity is mindblowing. You literally must turn your brain off to be a racist, and you see it now. Millions of white people, with switch STILL off, courtesy of their forefathers, have continued down this same disastrous, nose-spite-ing road. There’s a lot of white people walking around with black kerchief’s, hiding the draining blood and a ragged hole where their nose once occupied, holding a tight grasp of their hate. Their greed. Trump finally allows them to remove that blood soaked kerchief with pride for all the world see their disfigurement. It’s stunning that there is pride where instead, their should be pure shame for then and for now."

[theseaeaglelives]

Round 12

THE SEA EAGLE

MAKING RUGBY LEAGUE GREAT AGAIN!!!

Taking a mid-season holiday for the past month, the Sea Eagle did his utmost to self-isolate, and avoid anyone with a Victorian number plate and/or persons who had come within a bull’s roar of the Crossroads Hotel, the suburbs of Casula, Liverpool, Warwick Farm or South Western Sydney in general, and of course the Holy Duck restaurant and Thai Rock at Wetherill Park. That said, it’s fair to say that even in the pre-COVID era (or any other era for that matter), the Sea Eagle would in all likelihood have avoided most of these destinations on the basis of pure common sense.

A bit like the happenings in Victoria the past month has not been kind to Manly with two wins since the demise of Tommy Turbo and a brief summary of those games follows:

Round 7

Manly Sea Eagles             22

Defeated By

Cronulla Sharks                40

Following on from the stirring victory against the Raiders, Manly was expected to make easy meat of their perennial whipping boys (i.e. The Sharks). Unfortunately, neither team read the script and the Manly defence also decided to take a mid-season holiday allowing the Sharks to run roughshod in this game.

The Sharks ran in 7 tries and only a late flourish (3 tries in the last 15 minutes) saved Manly from even further embarrassment.

As far as the Sea Eagle is concerned there was nothing good to come out of this game, apart from the fact that he did not have to watch it, so the less said the better.

Round 8

Manly Sea Eagles            12

Defeated by

Newcastle Knights          14

Another game that the Sea Eagle was unable to watch, however the score would indicate a much better effort by Manly. That said, Rugby League 101 is a difficult concept to overcome and despite the closeness of the result, the outcome still sees Manly failing to get the chocolates and the all-important 2 competition points.

It has been reported (a bit like in Round 4) that Manly did not get the rub of the green in terms of refereeing decisions in this game culminating in the last minute send off, of Manly firebrand Adin Fonua-Blake for allegedly calling the referee “a f#$king retard” following a contentious and controversial decision.

Fonua-Blake was duly (and rightfully) suspended for 2 weeks, plus a $20k fine (suspended) for this outburst and forced to make an apology to all and sundry, including the toothless tiger also known as the Australian Human Rights Commission for his derogatory attitude and use of the term “retard”.

No doubt this was because the term “retard” is seen as offending those members of society with impaired intellect. Strangely, the fact this outburst was directed at a referee and questioned said referees ability/integrity was barely an issue.

Without condoning the actions of Mr Fonua-Blake, who is quickly building up the CV of an A grade goose, and is an individual who himself may possibly be of quite an impaired intellect, the Sea Eagle is somewhat bemused that Manly did not contest the charges and the suspension.

On the face of it, the use of the word “retard” could well be construed as being derogatory to those members of society of less fortunate and impaired intellect. Having said that, the Oxford Dictionary defines “retard” to mean “to make the development or progress of something slower”. Could it be that young Adin was merely pointing out to the referee his displeasure at the ref’s failure to stamp down on slow play and/or delaying tactics by the Knights??

The suspension of Fonua-Blake for his outburst has prompted the Sea Eagle to ponder on what is now deemed to be an acceptable way to dish out criticism of referees and/or to avoid offence to the usual suspects.

To start with, it would appear that the use of the pro-noun “f#@king” is acceptable given that there was little or no offence taken by this word in this instance.

Obviously as has been proven here, the word “retard” is not acceptable, as is anything that is sexist (e.g. woman, girlie, pussy etc), racist (e.g. black, coon, gook etc.) or that could cause offence to the LBGTQ community (e.g. faggot, poofter, pillow biter, poo puncher, traveller of the chocolate superhighway, carpet muncher etc.). As it should be. There is no place or need to denounce, denigrate, humiliate, slur, or belittle anyone. Even if it is true and even if, on any reading of the objective facts, the said comment could only be taken as a correct statement of the bleeding obvious. Readings of the Sea Eagle over many years will stand testimony to that .

In AFL circles the use of the word “maggot” has been universally adopted, so “f#@king maggot” may be a goer. As would be “f#@king tool”, “f#@king knob” and perhaps also “f#@king f@#kwit”. The use of the word “f(8kng c87nt” should however be avoided. The list of acceptable options is endless and players (and fans) now just need to be more creative than has been the case in bygone eras.

Round 9

Manly Sea Eagles            4

Defeated by

St-George Dragons          34

The Manly defence mid-season holiday continued in this game and without Tommy Turbo/Dylan Walker there was also nothing to offer in attack. The Dragons, who were going legless at the time ran roughshod over Manly and as a result Manly’s season was then appearing to be in a free-fall, not dissimilar to the Victorian government’s handling of the COVID debacle.

As was the case in Round 7, as far as the Sea Eagle is concerned there was nothing good to come out of this game, apart from the fact that he did not have to watch it, so the less said the better.

Round 10

Manly Sea Eagles            22

Defeated

Parramatta Eels               18

Based on the past 3 weeks, Manly were expected to be lapped by the high-flying and competition leading Eels.

Sent out at the juicy odds of $4.50, Manly was back at fortress Brookvale, and dished out an old-fashioned ambush on their bitter rivals and in the blink of an eye ran out to a 16-0 lead in as many minutes.

Cherry Baby (who had a shocker the previous week) was back to his best and was front and centre, leading from the front and instrumental in Manly’s improved performance.

Despite a late comeback by the Eels, Manly ran out deserved winners to get their season back on track and keep them within striking distance from the top 8. That said, without Tommy Turbo (and to a lesser extent Dylan Walker), Manly do appear to continue to struggle and it is only their pride and tradition, and a great coach in Des Hasler, who seems to work miracles with very little,  that will keep them in contention until the great man Tommy Turbo (and Dylan Walker) return from injury.

Round 11

Manly Sea Eagles            24

Defeated

North Queensland Cowboys       12

Let’s face it, a trip to Townville even at the best of times is never a pleasant experience. Commonly referred to as Shitsville in the popular Shit Towns of Australia Facebook Page, Townsville is a regular chart topper in the rankings of Australia’s crappiest places to visit. A trip to Townsville is made even worse when confronted by an equally desperate North QLD Cowboys outfit  and played at a traditional graveyard for many previous Manly campaigns.

Thankfully however, Manly carried some of their good form from the previous week’s outing against the Eels and started this game where they left off.

After dominating the early skirmishes, Manly opened the scoring after 7 minutes via a barnstorming and bullocking effort from Curtis “the Carnivore” Sironen (more on that later). 

After having to withstand some pressure of their own with some at times desperate defence, Manly were able to extend their lead 10 minutes of the break when new hooker Danny Levi barged over from dummy half. Levi has been a shrewd acquisition for Manly and has done a fine job filling in for the mandatorily stood down, Manase Fainu, who in the Sea Eagle’s opinion will be lucky to avoid incarceration for his alleged off-season stabbing incident.

Unfortunately, Manly was unable to maintain their dominance with the Cowboys hitting back on the stroke of half time when winger Kyle Felt lept high to take a bomb over the permanently grounded Horhay Taufua. Defusing the high ball has never been one of young Horhay’s hallmarks and again he was found wanting in this instance. Manly 12-6.

After withstanding some early second half pressure, tries to Cherry Baby and Cade Cust sealed the win for Manly. The Sea Eagle (as did Des Hasler post-match) would like to single out Cade Cust for special mention. Young Cust is improving each week and looks a likely prospect reminding the Sea Eagle of a young Keiran Foran. Let’s hope for young Cade’s sake that he does not follow the example set by Foran (i.e. leaving the nest, chasing greener pastures elsewhere and ending up on the rugby league scrap heap at one time allegedly residing in a less than ideal housing arrangement).

When Dylan Walker returns it will be interesting to see whether he finds himself back out in the centre position , putting a bit of pressure on Brad Parker to retain his spot. That said, young Parker might be quite a useful bench player given his robust frame and liking for the heavy stuff, which could easily see him cover forward and/or backline replacements as required.

EAT RED MEAT

It has been reported (SMH 25/7/20) that since going on to what has been called a Carnivore (i.e. meat only) diet this year, young Curtis Sironen has been able to transform himself from an average journeyman to an established and worthy first grader. Based on his recent performances it’s hard to argue, however the Sea Eagle must attribute some of his improvement to the fact that he is now being mentored by master Coach Des Hasler as opposed to the procession of mediocre Coaches he has had to endure in the past.

It also goes to prove, yet again, some things the Sea Eagle has found quite repellent . And that is the latest trend of so called veganism. We need to get one thing straight here . Carnivores are A grade predators and top the food chain. And for good reason . If you play Rugby League or think like a Rugby League person then you better eat red meat and follow the Curtis Sironen example. It is your choice whether you prefer to eat it raw, rare or medium rare . If you want to follow netball , soccer (men or women's ) or AFL (men or womens) then by all means become a vegetable only eating Nancy Boy.

The Sea Eagle, based on the findings of Mr Sironen, suggests red meat become a predominant part of the diet (and if religious reasons preclude eating beef, ensure that lamb , Goat , kangaroo , snake or crocodile, or venison is the appropriate substitution). If you are capable of engaging in the Bear Grills type lost art of catch and kill your own in this space, all the better.

  The Demise of the Dogs (and the return of Trent Barrett)

It is not with any pleasure that the Sea Eagle accounts the demise of this once proud club. The past decade has been nothing short of shambolic, from sex scandals (e.g. Coffs Harbour, Port Macquarie etc), mad Monday debacles, horrendous recruiting (e.g. Foran, Hoppoate, Hasler etc), to now finding itself odds-on to get the spoon in 2020 and having recently sacked club stalwart and legend Dean Pay.

Can it get worse for the Dogs and their long-suffering fans? In short YES.

It has widely been reported in many media outlets that none other than Trent Barrett has been signed to a 3-year deal to take on the head job relacing Dean Pay.

What is there left to say about Trent Barrett, that has not already been said. His time at Manly was nothing short of a debacle, with the only good thing to be said about this DFI infected, ex-Dragon/Shark, non-premiership winner, was that he kept the gym clean and has a good supply of his own gym/office furniture.

https://t.co/2A3P9koeuD?ssr=true

The decision by the Dogs to give Barrett the head job beggars belief. Those in charge of this decision at the very least should have sought explanation and clarification of the following questions and issues, during the interview and appointment process. Namely; “Trent:

Have you won a premiership as a player?

Have you won a premiership as a coach?

Have you ever been coached at club level by a premiership winner?

As a player were you ever coached by DFI patient zero, Brian Smith?

Is it possible that as a consequence of question 3, that you are infected with DFI which is still transmittable to players that you coach?

As a player, were you ever publicly slapped by your coach (who was also a DFI infected, ex-Dragon, non-premiership winner?)

Were you sacked from your previous head coaching role?

Has any team since your sacking, under a new coach improved?

Do you hate Manly and all they represent (ie success and a failure to tolerate mediocrity)?

Do you agree that on the whole, when someone leaves Manly they rarely if ever, go any better and sometimes end up on the slide to oblivion?”

Finally, do you still have any decent office/gym furniture?

The Sea Eagle takes little joy or pleasure from this apparent demise of the Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs . Whilst it is fair to say the Sea Eagle has never loved this club , the Sea Eagle has generally speaking had nothing but the most respect for how about they went about the business of Rugby League. Let's face it, there was a time when if you played the Bulldogs, you knew you were in for a hard afternoon/evening’s work . Until now . The appointment of Trent Barret as coach, who is so un-Bulldog, will and should end in tears.

COVID 19 MELBOURNE

With the recent debacle that is the Victorian government handling of Covid 19 quarantine matters, one might have hoped the effective isolation of Victoria from the rest of Australia via mandatory border closures, would have seen the Melbourne Storm and their filthy wrestling techniques also marooned in that COVID-19 ridden hellhole. Regrettably, the Storm managed to escape to sunny Queensland and are now functioning as though nothing had happened. More is the pity.

Frankly, the Sea Eagle cannot understand how this occured given Queensland has quite correctly banned anyone who comes from the Liverpool and general South Western Sydney post codes from entering their State (and seem to be able to ban residents from nominated NSW postcodes virtually at will and on a daily basis).

When they went to Albury earlier in the year, that town rightly wanted them out pronto.

Surely banning the Storm would have been an easy and straightforward/ common sense decision to make given where they came from (ie Melbourne). This must now be seen for what it is, a missed opportunity to remove the Storm from the Rugby League landscape once and for all. All fair minded followers of Rugby League can place the blame for this one squarely at the feet of the Queensland government.

 THE SEA EAGLE

[artificialqueens]

Life and Death {Biadore} Chapter 2 -C*NT

A/N: Hi all! It’s been a little since I’ve wrote, this is chapter 2 of Life and Death since people really wanted me to continue it! Again, this does not necessarily reflect upon my personal beliefs as far as religion goes, so please dont bite my head off for naming “the big guy” God. Enjoy this somewhat beefy chapter. No tws so thats always a plus. ❤️

They left the room, which Danny was relieved about because honestly he felt a little creeped out. Basically, the grim reaper was his soulmate, according to the device. Maybe he wont be so bad, he thought. But his nerves weren’t put at bay just yet, because Death led Danny into an equally as dreary hallway.

“Where are we?” Danny asked as he tried to study his surroundings. There was a sleek looking elevator at the end of the hall, which looked very out of place compared to the out of date decor on the walls. There were no windows to give any hint to where they were at either, Danny thought glumly. There was an old maroon paisley printed rug lining the length of the passageway, adorned with lamps decorated with red velvet lampshades at each end. They cast an ugly yellow light throughout the room, as if the lightbulbs were obnoxiously yellow on purpose. It even smelled old and musty, similar to the room they were just sitting in. He felt like he was back in the 1970’s.

“Limbo.” Death muttered as they made their way to the elevator. They pressed the button and the doors immediately opened, exposing a very plain but high tech elevator. Danny was rattled by how quickly the doors opened, and they stepped inside.

“So Limbo is real?” Danny asked. He had imagined Limbo would be similar to Earth, but instead it reminded him of a vintage motel. He felt like he was in a completely different era, and maybe that was the point. You weren’t supposed to feel clear abouf where you were in Limbo, all you were supposed to know was that you are somewhere in between Heaven and Hell.

“Yep.” Death pressed a large gold button that was clearly labeled ‘Heaven’, ultimately shutting the doors.

Danny’s heart raced as the elevator started shooting up towards Heaven. He was going to see Heaven, he realized with a surge of excitement. He wondered what it was going to be like, as he studied the large gold button curiously. He noticed there was also one for Earth. Then he realized the elevator had buttons for all sorts of different places, times, and dimensions. The last one in the long row of buttons was the biggest and most ominous looking of all, it was black and said ‘Hell’ in bright red letters. He shuddered at the thought of having to go down there. He hoped that wasn’t his final destination after all of this was said and done.

Death snorted to themself and Danny glared at them. He had about enough of Death’s antics. He was a know it all, literally and was not being sympathetic to how he was feeling and frankly it was pissing him off.

“You know, not everyone knows everything there is to know about the universe.” Danny snapped.

“Fair.” Death shrugged. “But Satan is literally just a big jokester. Even if you did end up in Hell, it wouldn’t be as terrible as you thought.”

“So would the same be said about Heaven?”

“You’re about to find out now, aren’t you?”

The doors opened, greeting them with a blinding white light. When Danny’s eyes adjusted, the first thing he noticed that he was rather underdressed. It was just as he pictured, almost everyone was dressed in long grecian looking gowns. Except no one had huge angel wings like he was always told about on Earth. His eyes were wide as he took in all of the sights. Everyone was drop dead gorgeous and looked incredibly happy. There were dogs, cats, small children, teenagers, people of every age group and color. Everyone smiled at them, he noticed they were directed more at Danny then Death.

The second thing he noticed was how beautiful Heaven really was. The sky was bright blue with small puffy white clouds decorating it, and a small brisk breeze, but nothing too chilly or too disturbing to be considered uncomfortable. There was a courtyard with the biggest fountain he had ever seen, made of big slabs of white marble with bright gold flakes decorating each tier. The water spurting out of it was a brilliant teal, the kind of crystal clear water you’d see in the caribbean. Brick paths weaved in and out of what appeared to be a town square, where there were shops and buildings of all shapes and sizes. There was every restaurant you could think of, and beyond that were houses that were all of different shapes and sizes. Some people’s version of their dream house was small and cozy, while others were grand with huge gardens and trees. It was incredible.

None of those houses compared to the big white mansion that was situated at the end of what appeared to be Main Street though. The word mansion was an understatement for what it was, but Danny didn’t know a bigger word to describe the building. Castle? Palace? Palace was probably more accurate, seeing as the building was so tall you couldn’t see the top of it. There were huge roman columns supporting it, rose gardens on either side of the yard, and the pathway near it seemed to sparkle - it was all solid gold bricks lining the road the closer they got to the palace.

Death smiled at Danny, who looked like a little kid in a candy store for the first time. Heaven was truly a beautiful place, especially for someone who had never seen it before. But they were here for answers, not to gawk. Death wanted to know once and for all whether or not this young man was truly his soulmate.

“Come on.” Death urged Danny and grabbed his hand. To Danny’s surprise, Death was incredibly warm and had very soft hands.

They made their way towards the palace at the end of the block and Death knocked lightly on the door. It was the biggest door Danny had ever seen, reaching so high up he couldn’t see the top of it.

“Don’t be nervous.” Death warned.

Danny nodded. This would be the first time he would be meeting “the big guy”. He hoped he wouldn’t damn him to hell.

The large doors finally opened slowly, and the big guy finally appeared; only he was not big at all. In fact, he just looked like an average guy to Danny as far as height went. However, it was very hard to look at him because he was so striking. He was how he had always pictured him, tan muscular and blonde with bright blue eyes. He had a glow of light around him, it was faint but it still hurt his eyes if he stared for too long. Danny fixated his eyes on the decorations around him to ensure he wouldnt harm his vision.

“Roy! I see you brought Daniel with you.” He smiled widely. His teeth were so white it was blinding.

Danny burst out laughing and if he could see Roy underneath his hood, he would’ve saw the literal death glare he was shooting him.

“Your real name is Roy? Why didn’t you tell me?” Danny grinned.

“That’s actually classified information, Daniel. No one knew his real name but me.” God stated.

“So wait, you’re a guy?” Danny asked Roy confused.

He looked at Roy and tried to determine if he could see some sort of manly shape, but the cloak hid his body well. It was useless, he wouldn’t know until he took it off.

“It’s complicated.” God admitted and stepped aside to let them in.

“So it’s true then.” Roy murmured.

“Roy, yes it’s true.” God rolled his eyes and Danny fought back a snicker.

“I wouldn’t be laughing if I were you, Danny.” He shot him a serious look. His piercing blue eyes made his face go cold as he nodded his head in understanding.

“I’m sorry sir.” Danny stammered. When he was nervous, his natural reaction was to laugh things off. The fact that Roy being his soulmate was now confirmed, just made it even more nerve wracking. He knew Roy probably thought he was just an inexperienced fucktard for lack of a better word, so he didn’t know how well things were about to play out. His anxiety was through the roof, and being yelled at by God was not how he wanted to start the day out.

Roy chuckled, sticking his tongue out at the young man. God glared at him, and he cleared his throat loudly trying to ease the tense energy in the room.

“He can’t see you, idiot.” God grinned.

Danny looked between the two men confused and saw Roy visibly sigh.

“Roy, can you just take off your dang hood already? Danny already knows you’re his. Show him who he’ll be spending eternity with.”

Danny stared at Roy with suspense, realizing that he literally had no idea who his soulmate really was. He couldn’t even put a face to a name, just a black abyss underneath a dark cloak.

“Hang on. Why him? After all of this time being alone, why now?” Roy asked.

“Come.” God motioned.

They made their way over to the sofa in the corner of the living room, which was a small word for how grand the room really was. There was a large couch that was upholstered with a beautiful soft ivory suede, and a giant crystal chandelier hung above the fragile looking glass coffee table. A marble fireplace sat against the wall, the flames crackling loudly. Danny’s shoes squeaked against the marble floors as the three of them sat down.

It was the most comfortable couch Danny had ever sat on. He sank into it, resting his head against it as he listened to the two of them talk.

“Roy, you’ve been miserable and frankly, a pain in my rear if I do say so myself. Especially over the last millennium. I’ve been waiting for the right person for you to be ready, and finally he’s here. I think it’s time you retire.”

“He’s 24 years old. He’s a baby!”

“He’s also right here.” Danny waved his hand annoyed.

“I can’t retire, what am I supposed to do with my free time?”Roy said, ignoring Danny.

“Make out with me.” Danny winked.

“In your dreams, queen.” Roy scoffed.

Danny glared at him and crossed his arms, sliding even further away from Roy. At least he was trying to find something to like about him. Roy wasn’t even trying to be his friend, let alone accept that he was his soulmate.

“He’s also the complete opposite of you.” God interrupted the tense exchange. “You’re death; grim, sarcastic, and cold hearted - or so you claim. He’s your life: positive, upbeat, but you share similar qualities as well. You’ll see Roy.”

Roy rolled his eyes underneath his cloak and sighed. He looked over at Danny, who was actually pretty attractive for his age. His dark hair and light eyes really complemented his fair skin, however he still had a hispanic background like him. He supposed that was their only thing in common, despite so many years separating them.

Danny grew up in a time where it was okay to be a drag queen, and to dress as a woman, and be whoever it was that you wanted to be. Roy didn’t have that same experience. How were they supposed to find any common ground other then being physically attracted to each other?

Who was even to say that Danny would find him attractive to begin with?

“So it’s okay to be gay?” Danny blurted out.

God’s face changed from pure confusion to amusement before he bursted out into laughter. Roy laughed along, it was pretty sweet that he was asking all of these innocent questions.

“Yes, it’s fine.”

Roy facepalmed and Danny smiled excitedly.

“So I’m not going to hell?”

“No of course not. You lived a very nice life, and now you’ll live here with Roy and hopefully make him not as bitter.” God smirked.

“So who’s taking my job?” Roy asked annoyed, choosing to ignore the bitter comment.

“That is something for me to worry about, and me only. So, am I going to have to forcibly remove your hood, or are you going to take it off already?”

Roy hesitated. It looked as if he was shaking as he grabbed the edges of the dark fabric.

What if Danny found him unattractive? He didn’t know what his type was, and he would be crushed if his soulmate was disgusted by his appearance. Even if they hadn’t hit it off yet.

“Trust me, you don’t look like Death anymore. Especially to him.” God encouraged, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s just- I’ve worn this garment for such a long time and have never taken it completely off. It’s throwing me for a loop here.” Roy hesitated.

God raised an eyebrow at him with a knowing look and Roy sighed.

Please don’t tell him, Roy thought.

God smiled sadly at him and nodded in understanding.

“Take your time. It doesn’t have to happen today.” Danny encouraged, breaking the silence.

Roy smiled at him sincerely, but then realized Danny couldn’t see him yet so it was useless. He sighed as his hands shook at the edge of the cloak, finally removing them from the hood and placing them by his sides again.

“You have to realize Daniel, that it has been many many many millennia since Roy has not worn a hood. This is a big deal for him.” God explained sternly.

Thank you, Roy thought. He was thankful he hadn’t given anything away about his insecurities. It may have seemed stupid to Danny for all he knew.

Danny nodded in understanding, and then pondered over whether or not he should ask what he had been wondering about. He had a lot of questions.

“What is it Danny?” God asked curiously.

Danny bit his lip nervously and clasped his hands together.

“So since Roy is my soulmate, and that was my last wish to find out who exactly that was; what happens now?”

“Well, you were actually supposed to be reincarnated again-”

“Again?” Danny asked dumbfounded.

“Yes again. You see, you had been reincarnated over many, many, many millenniums in order for me to make Roy the perfect soulmate. I had to have you go through many different lives to shape who you died as this time.” God beamed and then shot a look at Roy. “So even though you are 24 in your final stage Daniel, you are actually only a few years younger than Roy. Not that age matters, and anyway time is something created by humans; but that’s a completely different discussion that you will have plenty of time to engage in.”

This was a lot for Danny to wrap his head around. Reincarnation, soulmates, being gay was okay, the fact that he was many millenniums old and not just 24. He had so much on his mind, and didn’t even know where to begin asking anymore questions. He was utterly overwhelmed.

“Now, I’m sensing Roy would like to remove his cloak in private, and I need to get back to work so I’m afraid I’m going to have to dismiss you two. I have a feeling you’ll like what you see underneath it Danny. I’ve set up your dream house near the edge of town, by a river for Roy and big and eccentric for Daniel.” God snapped his fingers and two shiny gold skeleton keys appeared in their hands. “Those are your keys. It is literally impossible to lose them, as they will always find a way into your pockets when you change or what not. So enjoy. I’ll walk you out.”

God walked them to the front steps, and Danny noticed he heard a clicking sound as they walked across the marble floor. He looked down at God’s feet and realized it wasn’t his shoes, as he was barefoot. Danny was decked out in his black converse so it definitely wasn’t him. The sound was distinctive, and oddly familiar.

It was the final click before they hit the outdoors that made him realize it could only be one thing.

“Are you wearing heels?” Danny asked Roy incredulously. How had he not noticed that before?

God chuckled as he opened the large billowing doors for them.

“Like I said, you have more in common then you realize. Enjoy your time together. And for the last time Roy, this is not a prank!” God groaned.

“Thank you sir.” Danny said, and then hesitating. “Um, can I hug you?”

God snickered and brought Danny in for a squeeze.

“You are such a delight! Oh Roy you are in for a treat. Daniel, if you have any questions about anything please know that my doors are always open.” God said. “By the way Roy, since you are no longer the reaper, you won’t be able to read minds. You’ll have to learn about Daniel the old fashioned way. Anyway, I must go now, so farewell!”

Danny heard the doors close behind them and both men sighed in unison. Now Danny had to walk to his new home, where he would be spending eternity with someone who didn’t even want to be his soulmate.

They walked in silence back through the town square, lost in their thoughts and started towards the edge of town. Danny was admiring all of the scenery and people, some in regular clothes he noticed, others in the grecian gowns that he had seen when they first arrived. That was a good sign, he could wear whatever he desired.

“Which one do you think is ours?” Danny asked, as Roy’s heels clicked on the brick road. He never realized it, but Roy walked very elegantly; almost in a regal manner.

“I don’t know, I haven’t lived in a house in a very long time so I have no idea what we’re even looking for.” Roy shrugged.

“Where did you live as the reaper?”

“Remember Limbo?” Roy asked dryly.

“Ew you lived in that musty ass apartment?” Danny asked. He then clasped his hands over his mouth and looked around frantically. “Oh no, I wasn’t supposed to say that, I’m so sorry please don’t deport me!”

Roy cackled with laughter, his laugh so high pitched that Danny jumped; but then he laughed along with him in amusement. Roys laugh was very melodic, in a way that he hadn’t noticed before. It was actually pretty cute.

“You’re not going to get deported! Just don’t curse in front of God.”

Danny sighed in relief and realized they had reached the end of the road. He got a warm feeling in his stomach, as if he was close to home.

“There.” Roy breathed.

Nestled at the top of a small hill, was their house. It was an off white color, victorian style with a wrap around porch. There was bright pink trim around the roof, a porch swing and a blue mandala tapestry on one side of to shield the bright sun from reaching the patio. The door was painted a bright mustard yellow color, and the windows were all brand new, but still looked vintage enough to match the style of the house. Wildflowers surrounded it, in splashes of purple, orange, blue and red, and there was a field of sunflowers on one side of the house of all different colors. A river sparkled a few feet in front of it, with crystal clear water and what appeared to be a brand new wooden dock.

They were speechless, and didn’t even realize they had grabbed each other’s hands as they stared at their forever home.

“You know I don’t hate you right?” Roy finally said, rubbing his fingers over Danny’s hand. He was so warm, it was comforting. Very different than what Roy was used to.

“I know I’m not what you envisioned but at least give me a chance.” Danny snapped.

“Oh, no it’s not that. You are very attractive.” Roy stammered. “It’s just - I’ve been alone for so long, I don’t know how to do this whole soulmate thing yet. Just give me time please?”

Danny felt his cheeks warming up at the tender words. He hadn’t known him very long, but he could tell he wasn’t a very emotional person so it probably took a lot for him to say that.

“We have all the time in the world.” Danny murmured.

He knew Danny couldn’t see him, but he was losing himself in his green eyes. They were so bright and happy, he could stare into them for all eternity.

On the other hand, Danny felt himself drawing closer to Roy as he stared into the dark abyss underneath his hood trying to find the hint of his face. He didn’t know what it was, but he just wanted to be close to him in this moment. He put one arm around his shoulder and sort of side hugged him, throwing the other arm across his stomach.

Roy sighed into the touch and felt himself squeezing back. This felt like home, something he hadn’t known in a very long time.

They held each other for a few minutes as they gazed at the house, taking in the experience, and enjoying each other’s warmth.

What broke them out of their trance was a small meow and a shy bark.

The two men looked down, and Danny squealed in delight. A small golden chihuahua and an orange cat with black stripes had greeted them. The cat rubbed against Danny and meowed again, and the dog woofed at Roy as they stared incredulously at the ground.

“We have pets!” Danny exclaimed, picking up the cat with delight and holding it close.

“Hi Angel, aren’t you just the cutest.” Roy cooed to the small dog. Dogs were his weakness, and Danny giggled at the invulnerability that he was showing for the first time.

“That should be his name. Angel!” Danny grinned.

“How do you know it’s a boy?” Roy challenged.

Danny shrugged. “Dunno. Because you act macho, so I’d assume you’d end up with an equally as macho pet, so obviously it’d have to be a boy.”

Roy scoffed and picked up the dog flipping it over to see if it was a girl or a boy.

“Ugh, you’re right.” Roy groaned. Danny squealed and picked up his new cat.

“I’m gonna name you Halloween, Weenie for short.” Danny cuddled Weenie close to him and set the cat down on the ground. He untied his black converse and held them by the laces in one hand, as he felt the soft grass inbetween his toes for the first time. The air was fragrant with the scent of wildflowers, and he sighed as he looked at his new home from the top of the knoll one last time.

“Let’s go!” Danny exclaimed as he started running down the hill.

Roy watched the young man run and jump down the hill as the sun illuminated his pale skin. He had to admit, he was pretty cute in an innocent sort of way. He could feel himself start to grow fond of Danny, and how happy and positive of a person he was. He could tell that Danny was a hippie, enjoying every moment in nature that he could as he ran through the grass barefoot.

He sighed in relief as he realized he would no longer be escorting sick and confused humans and animals from earth to either heaven, hell, or limbo. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do with all of this free time that he now had. He didn’t know anything other than what he had been doing for the last part of the millenia.

How did God expect him to just fall in love with Danny like it was nothing? He was the complete opposite of everything he thought he’d have in a soulmate. Danny was rambunkshus, ditzy, and completely over the top. He had named his cat Weenie, for fucks sake.

Roy had been under the impression that he would be paired off with a man of sophistication.

But that would just be too easy, he thought.

He gazed down at his soulmate, who was stomping around the porch of their house, grinning and pointing at the front door excitedly to Halloween.

Roy had decided he refused to call the cat Weenie. Why name the cat a badass name like Halloween, and then ruin it with something as stupid as Weenie?

“Oh my god I love this!” Danny exclaimed, as he sat back on the porch swing, kicking his bare feet up excitedly.

“Maybe this won’t be so bad Angel.” Roy smiled and picked up his new dog, following after Danny

[radishsnakes-moved]

1) Sorry if I came off as rude or attacking you, that wasn't my intention, but I just think that calling shinoyama 'queerbating' is simply not correct. Yamagi's feelings for Shino were hinted at as soon as in ep 4 of s1, when he outright asked if Shino liked girls - girls specifically (why would he be interested in Shino's orientation if he wasn't intersted in him personally in the romantic sense?), then were made clear in ep. 7 with the heart grab scene and then further reinforced later on, by

2) showing Yamagi's evident disdain/jealousy every time Shino mentions girls etc. It was very obvious from the beginning that Yamagi is gay for Shino, so the only question left was whether Shino would ever find about Yamagi's feelings and reciprocate, to which episodes 45/46 gave us an answer. The 'let's drink till morning, the two of us' WAS, in fact, Shino's explicitly asking Yamagi out romantically. It just couldn't have been anything else in that context, when we know for a fact that Shino

3) does consider going out for drinks, two people only, as romantic (again, the AkiLafter scene in ep. 41, and Shino's 'don't you know what that is? go with her alone'). And then there's Yamagi's reaction - the wide eyes and the 'quit joking around, you don't even know how I feel' (plus his confusion about 'how Shino felt' later on when he talks to Eugene) which made it clear that's exactly the way it felt to Yamagi as well - as a date invitation, except he couldn't know back then that Shino was

4) serious. But Shino WAS serious - the fact that he grabbed Yamagi's hair out of his face to look him straight in the eyes before asking him out was a clear indicator of how serious he was. He wouldn't have given Yamagi false hopes otherwise, while being perfectly aware of Yamagi's feelings for him. And it's not only that, the entirety of Shino's body language towards Yamagi in all their scenes together in ep 45, his fond expressions, the looks and the smiles that we'd never seen on him

5) before that, the gentle tone of his voice, him calling Yamagi scary with evident fondness (it's actually a common motive in anime, to reveal that a manly man may not be afraid of enemies, war etc. but he's always afraid of his spouse), everything about those scenes screamed that Shino knew about Yamagi's feelings even before the big reveal and was totally on board with them. Ep 46 basically confirmed what was already obvious, that in the end, they both had romantic feelings for each other

6) and had Shino not died, they'd have ended up together eventually. They're basically as canon as an IBO couple can get and their not getting a happy ending doesn't make them any less canon (technically there's still a chance Shino could turn out to be alive, as they literally went out of their way to not show us his body). As for the other potentially queerbaiting couples, I don't think that orumika, gaeein or makugae are meant to be interpreted as romantic (even though I ship all three).

7) As for Aston/Takaki, in their case I do interpret them as romantic without a shred of doubt in my mind; after all, there was a canon blushing and Aston promising to protect Takaki and his happiness was a clear-cut romantic trope, and they just seem like your typical Gundam couple, but I guess it was probably too early to establish that explicitly in canon, as Aston was most likely not ready yet to realize what his feelings for Takaki really were. Anyway, they fit into the pattern of s2's

8) policy of killing romantic couples off (followed by Naze/Amida, akilafter and shinoyama, and maybe Mika/Atra/Kudelia in the nearest future). But that's just Gundam for you, to destroy a love before it has a chance to bloom. It doesn't really qualify as queerbaiting to me, as they do this to hetero couples just as much. As for Gundam 00, I don't think that anything has been confirmed when it comes to characters' sexualities and such, but it was easy to figure out from the context. I've seen

9) a post in the general tags listing all the characters considered to be LGBTQA, so, from the top of my head - most of the named innovades are gender-neutral, from what I've gathered, with the exeption of Anew and Ribbons, I guess? The situation with Tieria is more tricky than that, though, as it's been made clear in the show that he identifies as a man, and that's how basically everyone sees and treats him; it's been also said a few times in the show that only men can be Gundam pilots and

10) I think it's about the physical build rather than how someone identifies (thus the theory about Nena Trinity being, in fact , an actual trans-girls; I've read it once on tumblr and it made a lot of sense within the story, but I can't find the post anyomre; I guess the blog has been deactivated), but then the official materias list Tieria as gender-neutral too, so it's really hard to tell, especially given the fact that Tieria has the means to produce spare bodies for himself and probably

11) decide their gender as well? So yeah, the whole situatuon with Tieria is as unclear as it can be, but one thing clear is that he identifies as a man in canon and is canonically in love with another man (Neil) even if he can't classify those feelings yet (as his letter to Lockon would suggest). I think it's safe to say that Lockon is bi; he says something about being nice to women in the show once and he clearly feels something special for Tiera (that even Feldt has noticed) and calls him

12) cute etc. I think it's safe to say Lyle is bi as well, as he literally hits on Tieria in the beginning (only to be immediately shot down, because there's already one Lockon in Tieria's heart). Setsuna is pretty much considered to be asexual (but not necessarily as aromantic, as he clearly feels something for Feldt in the movie). Alejandro Corner is gay; he's explicitly shown to be sleeping with Ribbons in the Special Edition compilation movies. There could be more, but it's hard to remember

13) everything on the spot (I should try to look fot that masterpost in the tags; hope it's still there). As for other Gundam gay couples I personally consider canon, there's Trowa/Quatre from Gundam Wing and Dearka/Yzak from Gundam Seed. Oh God, this turned out so damn long and now I'm feeling bad for bothering you and making you read all this, but those Gundam discussions are always so compelling (hope tumblr doesn't eat any of the messages; I had them saved just in case though).

Don’t worry about it; I’m always happy to discuss Gundam! Admittedly, I don’t get as heavily into Gundam as I’d like to; 00 is my favorite series, but I’ve only seen the main 50 episodes, not the movie(s). As for other Gundam series, I’ve only watched the original, Unicorn, about 1/4 of Wing, a tiny bit of Age and Reco, IBO, BF, BFT, and F91 (IBO and 00 being my favorites of what I’ve watched). I’m going to try and address every point in this, feel free to shoot another message if I miss anything important!

Admittedly, in the beginning I didn’t pay attention to IBO while I was watching. I tend to have a one-track mind when it comes to anime I like, and when I’m obsessed with one, I usually can’t bring myself to care about another, so I didn’t pick up a lot of things.

ShinoYama is, in my opinion, the least queerbaity ship in the entire Gundam franchise; I’d go as far as to say it’s completely canon, and honestly, I feel like it’s the closest we’ve gotten to a gay ship being treated exactly the same as a het ship. Yamagi obviously had romantic feelings for Shino, and Shino didn’t seem to consider it out of the question. Had he survived, I actually think they might have gone canon. Sorry if it came across as me dismissing ShinoYama as queerbaiting; I think they’re the closest we’ll ever get to representation!

It could be me caving to heteronormativity, but I feel like AkiLafter was made more explicit than ShinoYama in the “he’s being asked out on a date” department. It was handled similarly, but I still get a different vibe from it. I could be wrong, though!

Body language and wording are always a part of ships in series like this. And I feel like they were all leaning towards romantic in ShinoYama; they were heavily implied to like each other romantically. But again, it’s always just implied. None of the explicit kissing and “I love you”s that you get with things like Lyle/Anew and Naze/Amida.

I abandoned MakuGae pretty early on once Ein was introduced, so I don’t know a lot about what hints may have been dropped. And Ein and Gaelio weren’t around each other long enough for anything to be solidified. Orga and Mika, however, I feel are at least slightly indicated to have feelings for each other; it may be completely platonic, but there is such a strong emphasis on all the times that they hold hands, if one of them had been female it would have automatically been considered to be canon, even with the MikaKuuAto situation going on; which I could talk about for a long time, but in short, it’s pretty much canon, though with the KuuAto being a bit more subtle than MikaKuu or MikaAto (I am acutely aware of how Kuudelia said she loves Atra, though; that’s not something I can overlook, I’m just comparing it to the explicit MikaKuu kiss and Atra’s request to “have babies with” Mikazuki). MikaKuuAto is an entirely different subject that I’ll save for another post.

Aston and Takaki were very much hinted to be romantic. All the tropes were there, all that was missing was explicit confirmation; and there’s not a doubt in my mind that we would have gotten that had they been a straight couple. My issue with all of this, if you can call it that, is that the het ships are always made more explicit than the gay ones, however “canon” the gay ones may be. The only problem in my mind is that so many het couples have been made concretely canon, while the only gay one we’ve gotten is ShinoYama. And though there’s an equal amount of killing off between them, you’re still left with more living het couples than gay ones. Equal killing of love interests is like the difference between equality and equity; if you take an equal amount from someone with everything and someone with almost nothing, that’s technically “equal”, but the person with less inherently loses so much more than the person with everything.

I admit it’s been a while since I’ve watched 00, so I don’t remember much about it. Nena being trans isn’t something I ever picked up on, so it could have been made more clear. I definitely headcanon most of the Innovades as some form of nonbinary, but I always based “canon” for that around what pronouns are used for the characters; and in all of their cases, it was always he/him or she/her. With Tieria, it was mostly a headcanon spawned from the episode where he crossdressed to infiltrate that party, and how easily the female form and voice came to him; hell, on Wikipedia’s “List of transgender characters in media”, Tieria is listed there. Later in Season 2, though, he’s portrayed as being a cis male, so that somewhat threw my headcanon of him being a trans boy out of the window. I also heavily headcanon Regene and Revive as trans boys, though solely because of their voices. Really, though, the pairs like Regene and Tieria or Anew and Revive; they’ve been stated to share the exact same genes, so in same-gender pairings, neither or both of them are trans, and in different-gender pairings, one of them has to be trans.

I do think it’s implied that Tieria loved Neil, but again, it was never made as painfully explicit as things like Chris and Lichty, Anew and Lyle, Naze and Amida, etc etc. Tieria obviously cared a lot for Neil, and never really got over his death; but I still feel that it was never made as clear as those other ships whether the feelings were platonic or romantic.

As I never saw the movies, I didn’t know about the thing with Alejandro and Ribbons; if that’s a thing that happened, then I definitely have to see the movies. And though I never fully watched Wing, I did pick up on something between Trowa and Quatre, but still; Never hinted at as much as Heero and Relena.

Wow, my response ended up almost as long as your questions. You don’t have to worry about bothering me; I very much enjoy talking about Gundam! If I missed any points you made, don’t be afraid to send me another message~

[fashiontrendin-blog]

70 Skills Every Man Should Master

http://fashion-trendin.com/70-skills-every-man-should-master/

70 Skills Every Man Should Master

What does it mean to be a man in the modern world? Make money? Build muscle? Dress well? Quit work to raise your kids?

It’s arguably all of these things and none. Twenty-first-century masculinity might look a lot different from 50 years ago, but it’s still – and always will be – a concept that’s constantly changing, a totally different picture based on where you’re from and what you think is expected of you.

Less obscure, though, are the skills a man should posses. Mostly because the majority haven’t changed. These are the things you need to be able to do to make it today.

At Home

The modern man isn’t all about sport and the outdoors, you know. Domestic duties are an essential part of 21st-century masculinity. Indeed, whereas a bloke was once measured on the size of his muscles and testosterone levels, now he scores equal man-points for his sheet-folding ability (harder than it sounds). Here are 10 skills to hone for around the house.

1. Change a light bulb. And a fuse. No, AC and DC aren’t two halves of the same band.

2. Hang a picture. A movie poster held up with Blu Tack doesn’t count.

3. Sew a button back on. Yes, with the sewing kit you actually own.

4. Iron clothes.

5. Make a bed. Whether it’s yours or not.

6. Remove a stain. The key? Water’s better than nothing, but vodka is ideal (when isn’t it?).

7. Wallpaper a room. Or strip the wallpaper from a room.

8. Pack a suitcase. Knowing how to do so properly (roll, don’t fold; use the space in your shoes; blazers inside out) is the mark of true jet-setter.

9. Put some shelves up. It only counts if they don’t fall down again. It half counts if they’re only straight when squinting.

10. Keep a fancy plant without killing it. Top tip: cactus.

For Style

Looking good is a man’s prerogative. Looking exceptional is a talent – a mix of nifty hacks, knowing your body, and understanding what to wear and when. It’s no surprise that these are the skills that every well-dressed man knows.

1. Understand how to buy a suit. An eye for what fits can be learned, as can know-how around fabric, colours, texture and patterns.

2. Explain the difference between an Oxford and Derby shoe.

3. Manscape. At least to some degree. We’re not saying you need to wax, but we are saying no one should need a map down there.

4. Tie a tie. If you only know one, make it a four-in-hand (or ‘schoolboy’).

5. Know your measurements, including chest, waist, neck and inside leg.

6. Shine your shoes. You’ll need a shoe brush, soft cloths, leather conditioner and shoe polish.

7. Dress for the occasion. There’s no avoiding dress codes like black tie and business-casual, so you may as well take steps to do it right.

8. Communicate what you want to your barber. “Short back and sides” won’t cut it. If in doubt, take a picture.

9. Know the difference between a mechanical watch and a quartz.

10. Fix any style dilemma (be it a creased shirt or shrunken knit) in a pinch.

As A Partner

There’s more to being a great lover than having dynamite skills between the sheets (though, to be fair, that does help). It’s about being sensitive, considerate and emotionally nurturing – all skills a man needs if he’s going to find, and hold onto, a partner. Here’s how to do it.

1. Give a good massage. Great for wooing, not to mention working on your forearm strength.

2. Cook at least one impressive dinner to get them to stay over, and one breakfast dish that’ll wow them in the morning.

3. Ask someone out on a date (without resorting to stock chat-up lines). Bonus points if it’s in person.

4. Buy flowers. The right flowers. You know lilies are for funerals, right?

5. Be able to answer when they ask: “How do I look in this?” Stuttering leads to a fate worse than death.

6. Back down from an argument. Accept when the other person is right and be open to being convinced.

7. And apologise (sincerely).

8. Remember key dates. Birthdays and anniversaries are essential.

9. Read body language. They’re not “fine” and might even be about to punch you.

10. Buy them clothes that they actually like. If they exchange them, you’ve failed.

As A Man’s Man

We live in the age of reconstructed and reclaimed masculinity, but a man is a man, and the hunter-gatherer instinct is strong. Except in the modern world, being an alpha male isn’t about killing a deer with your bare hands, it’s about being the best physical specimen you can be and an absolute wizard with a toolkit.

1. Shake hands properly. A recent survey of 1,000 Americans found that 72 per cent believe that the way a person shakes hands says a lot about them. Make sure yours says all the right things.

2. Drive (preferably with the legal right to do so).

3. Be able to carry out basic car mechanics. When you find yourself with a dead phone and a flat tire, you’ll thank us.

4. Start a fire (and know how to put one out).

5. Diffuse a fight. Or when that doesn’t work, throw a knockout punch.

6. Perform CPR. And the Heimlich manoeuvre. Knowing which situation requires which is a given.

7. Squat, deadlift and bench press properly. There’s nothing manly about long-term lumbar pain.

8. Ask for a raise. And get it.

9. Know your drink and how to order it (no-one likes indecision at the bar).

10. Stand up for others. Staying quiet is always the easy option.

As A Dad

These are the skills that will not only make you an excellent father, but set a good example for your children – and hopefully make them better, well-rounded people in the process. Plus, having the best Lego-skills out of all the dads in the playground is one of life’s greatest satisfactions.

1. Take a good family photo. Find the light, frame it well and take a shitload because, let’s face it, the kids’ eyes are going to be closed for most of them.

2. Change a nappy. Without going on about how brave you are afterwards.

3. Dance. At least better than your own dad (unless he’s Michael Flatley).

4. Build a Lego city. Without using any instructions.

5. Have a stand-up wee while also holding a baby.

6. Barbecue. Without endangering any family member’s life.

7. Find a method that gets your baby to sleep every time without fail.

8. Understand you’re not the backup parent and that you have unique things to teach your offspring.

9. Master the assault course at your local park.

10. Know the lyrics to every Disney song. Even Frozen. Especially Frozen.

As A Thinking Man

Brawn is nothing without having the brains to back it up. Every man should strive to have intelligence, a sharp wit that can hold a room, and the ability to solve a Rubik’s Cube like one of those maths genius kids. Here are 10 must-have skills for smart, self-aware men.

1. Give a speech. At a wedding, at a funeral, and half-cut at your own birthday.

2. Understand that mental health is just as important as physical health.

3. Know your limits. (Especially in the case of tequila.)

4. Understand basic measurements and how to convert them.

5. Make small talk (or at least feign interest). When in doubt, ask someone about their favourite subject: themselves.

6. Read. By that, we mean actually finish at least one book a month.

7. Haggle. If you think you’ll end up walking having paid the original price – or worse, more – just cough up.

8. Know when to go to the doctor. Even if you do tag your gym selfies #BeastMode, you’re not invincible.

9. Ask for help when you need it. Offer it when you can give it, but don’t be pushy.

10. Tell a joke. If you’re not particularly funny, have a few in the bank and know which one to pull out when.

In The Kitchen

A modern man’s place is in the kitchen. And not just rifling through the snack cupboard, but actually knowing what he’s doing and cooking up some excellent nosh. Boiling an egg is all well and good, but what about the skills that will make you a real man in the kitchen?

1. Mix at least one good cocktail. A Manhattan or Old Fashioned are excellent places to start.

2. Sharpen a knife. And be able to dissect an onion in the blink-of-an-eye.

3. Know how to cook every type of steak, or at least the difference between a rump and a Chateaubriand.

4. Open a bottle without an opener. A lighter, ring, key, belt buckle or any available countertop are all invaluable makeshift bottle openers.

5. Turn leftovers into dinner. When in doubt: omelette.

6. Blag your way through any wine list.

7. De-shell lobster like a chef. The least you can do is save a dead animal the indignity of being bashed around on your plate.

8. Cook a three-course meal.

9. Make your own pizza dough. Then top it like a don.

10. Master an incredible vegan dish. Because you never know when one might come for dinner.