#man imagine being zeke

[rogueshadeaux]

Chapter Thirty-Seven — Consequences

We were there for what felt like forever. Long enough for Archie to try and take a drink of my hot chocolate, and Aunt Sia to grab both rats and return them to their cage in the living room. Long enough for Zeke to become restless and start pacing the five steps it took to span the entirety of the kitchen. Long enough for my hands to start shaking as I thought about everything.

9k words | 45min - 1 hour reading time | TRIGGER WARNINGS: Death mention, experimentation mention, illness, mass casualty, rats (?), fighting, threats, bullying.

⚠️AUTHOR'S NOTE: I cannot take credit for all of this chapter. My lovely @lobotomizedlemon wrote the beautiful speech in the end, like they knew what Jean needed to hear. Everyone needs an Aunt Sia in their life. Things move on from lore-heavy here, but Chi—thank you for trusting me with Sia. Thank you for letting me use her for something so deeply important to Erosion, and letting me hand her to Jean. She's exactly what was needed. I can't imagine this tale without her now.

Aunt Sia stood at the other end of the room, arms crossed, that cupboard full of mugs still hanging open. Brent and I were frozen mid-signage, both hands at the ready to argue further and yet absolutely no wind in our sails—mine especially. What did she mean she knew sign language? How long had she known that?!

Her arms stayed crossed as she stared at us like she caught us red-handed, Dad looking between her and us before asking, “What’s going on?”

Aunt Sia kept her gaze on us, unblinking even as I tried to shrink under her stare. “Brent,” she started, “What are you two talking about?”

Of course she’d go for Brent first. Take the weakest in the pack by the jugular, right? The man couldn’t lie, evident as Brent stumbled on his words for a moment before coming up with the best deflection ever:

“What do you mean?”

Dad suddenly became way more interested as Brent’s cheeks went red, his own eyebrows furrowed as he looked between the two of us. “Kids. What’s going on?”

Brent suddenly became very interested in the wood grain as my voice caught in my throat, eyes flitting between everyone as they all turned their attention towards me. God, why here? Why now? This was supposed to stay between me and Brent! I didn’t wanna explain everything to everyone. 

I took too long to respond. That’s what was the problem. I faltered, unable to find my voice, and prompted Aunt Sia to ask more pointedly, “What did Brent mean, ‘Tell Dad about Mom?’” she asked me directly. 

That got Dad going; his eyebrows shot up from their furrowed position, now zeroed in on me and cocking his head slightly, like a cat trying to get a reading on how far I was before it pounced. “Jean,” he said, warned, and I knew he expected nothing but the truth after saying my name. 

I swallowed thickly, trying to convince myself not to evaporate on the spot and run away while they all were confused. “I, uhm…” I drew off, voice crackling slightly. Jerry came over towards me and I grabbed the rat and held him close, using the little guy as a reason to not look up and meet anyone’s eyes. “When…before I woke up in the hospital, I…there was this thing wi-with Mom...”

And I was forced to recount it all to an audience. 

I couldn’t look up as I described it all; the long field of barley, the forest, the mines. How I followed wisps of neon thinking I was trying to find Dad. How I knew none of it made sense, but it wasn’t like a dream—I couldn’t escape no matter how hard I tried. The lack of a sun. My voice faltered when I came to the grove and I froze for so long that Jerry began biting holes in my jacket’s sleeve before I spoke of Mom. 

I could see Dad’s hand clench into a fist on the tabletop the moment I did. 

That was the reason I didn’t bring it up to him in the first place; not only did I not wanna sound like I was insane, but I wanted to keep from bringing up those memories that would turn his face ashen with pain. I couldn’t look at him as I described her. How we hugged, how she felt so real. If I did, I was sure we’d both have the same pained expression on our faces. 

When I ended my story with her using beams of neon to essentially throw me back into the real world, the room stayed tersely quiet for a moment. I hazarded a glance up; Dr. Sims was writing something down furiously on the back of one of Aunt Sia’s COLE papers, Aunt Sia was watching him as he wrote. Zeke stayed positioned by the wall, head down, not surprised but still avoiding my gaze, and Dad—

He was pissed. “And why didn’t you tell me this?” he demanded. “I thought we said no more keeping things from each other!”

“I know—” I started to defend, voice weak against his anger. That weak squeak that would have put Jerry’s noises to shame died off, though, when someone interrupted. 

“It’s my fault.”

Dad turned in his chair so he could glare at Zeke instead. “What?”

“I told Jean not to worry about the whole…deal so much,” Zeke continued, meeting Dad’s eyes without a flinch. Was he…covering for me? “When she came to me to ask if the same thing had happened to Cole and told me a bit about the…vision, I told her not to worry about it if it was the only time it’s happened. That Cole would get them if he touched tar too, and with her getting it in her bloodstream, well—’course she was in for a bad time.”

Dad seemed to have trouble processing this. “She told—” he spun his head around to look at me. “You told Zeke? But not me?”

“I didn’t want to upset you—” I started, Dad cutting me off. 

“Well, you didn’t do well, Regina.” he snapped. I flinched at how he growled my name and looked back down, throat tight. Of course he was mad! We promised each other we’d be truthful and honest and I lied to him within the same sentence. 

God, I messed up. Again. 

“You should have told us right away,” Dr. Sims chastised—not as passionately as Dad, but still disappointed. I could hear him turn slightly and he added, “You too, Zeke. If I’m going to make sure Jean’s okay, I need to know everything.”

I could hear Dad sigh hard, and my eyes followed his hands as they came up from the table and pressed against his eyes. “Okay, so what could this mean?” Dad demanded after a moment, blinking hard as he looked at Dr. Sims. “If Jean was seeing Abbs, could that have been a hallucination?”

“I’m not sure,” Dr. Sims muttered, looking down at the notes on his paper. “If Jean and Cole had hallucinations when interacting with the tar, I’d simply chalk it up to that and move on. But with the Vermaak’s history too, I’m not…not sure what to make of it.”  

“She’s not a forced conduit,” Aunt Sia interjected, finishing with the mugs she was messing with. She walked over, moving to lean between Dad and Dr. Sims and hand Brent and I cups of hot chocolate. It was funny—you could always find her in the kitchen when she was trying to think through something. A part of me was sure that’s why I loved sugary things so much. “The Vermaak went insane because their power was eating their neuroelectricity.”

“Yeah, but if she was injected with tar, could that have done something like the CRB solution the First Sons were using on the Vermaak?” Dad asked. 

“Retroviral integrase?” Dr. Sims asked before shaking his head. “No, can’t be. That would only work if she wasn’t activated.” 

Dad groaned slightly, the noise interrupted as Aunt Sia asked, “What about the power transfer device Cole MacGrath used? How was that different from the Vermaak?” 

“I couldn’t recover the files fully on that,” Dr. Sims admitted, clicking away, “But from what I can guess, the original power transfer device was used on a one-on-one basis, with a core of raythium to fuse properties of the donor’s protein to the other Conduit. It looks like some sort of process involving mutagenesis and particle acceleration? I can’t really make sense of it. Basically the original device damaged the part of the DNA that hosted the Conduit gene and then rewrote it with the second power integrated, so those abilities were a part of their normal powers.” He turned to look at Aunt Sia fully. “It doesn't use the same system the Vermaak’s does, and the DUP used CRISPR and gene editing. They’re all different.”

Aunt Sia crossed her arms, the hand of one going to town on the forearm of another, scratching away. “So there’s no correlation,” she hummed, glaring at the computer screens like it was their fault. “What about the DUP?” She asked. “Don’t you have files on their experimentation?”

Dr. Sims shook his head. “I have one, that only talks about injuries, heavily redacted with no info about what sort of experiments they were performing.”

Aunt Sia shook her head, Dad’s hand reaching out to stop her stretching and holding the hand in place. “Okay, w–what about tar?” He asked. “Or that woman that could use tar, what was her name—”

“Sasha,” Zeke cut in. 

The moment Zeke spoke, Dad’s jaw tensed, and he looked like he was 30 seconds away from picking up the man and throwing him out of the front door himself. He glanced at me with that same anger, and I just knew it was because I told Zeke about the hallucination but not him. “Right.” Dad said flatly. “Sasha.”

Dr. Sims got to searching, declaring—much to Dad’s absolute frustration—that there was nothing on tar. “But Sasha is mentioned in Wolfe’s notebook,” he hummed, scrolling through scans of the journal’s pages. 

“What for?” Aunt Sia asked, looking over Dr. Sims’ shoulder. 

“Apparently she was on Wolfe’s team when they were testing on Warner,” he hummed, scrolling just a tad to pull up more text. “She’s the one that determined all the properties of the…Warner’s Threshold…”

“That’s the evolution-to-mutation thing, right?” Brent asked. 

Aunt Sia nodded. “Absorbing RFE through a blast core, yeah.”

The way Dr. Sims drew off peeked Dad’s interest. “What’s up?” He asked, apprehensive. “Is…could the RFE be doing this to Jean?”

Dr. Sims didn’t answer immediately; whatever he was reading grabbed Aunt Sia’s interest, her hand pulling away from Dad’s hold to settle on Dr. Sims’ shoulder, squeezing once to get the man to look at her. They shared one of those looks, one of the ones Dad would reserve for talks within earshot of us when he felt there was some information that someone either didn’t know, or didn’t need to. 

But it didn’t stop Dr. Sims from speaking. “No, no, just…Can I ask you something?” He gave Dad his full attention, who just seemed absolutely confused on why his friends suddenly looked worried. “How many Core Relays do you think you’ve absorbed over the years?”

Dad blinked before chuckling, the sound a bit incredulous. “I don’t know? It’s been a while, Eugene.” After a moment, though—when Dr. Sims’ stare didn’t let up, he asked, “Wh–why does it matter?”

“I’ll spare you the math,” Dr. Sims said, turning back to the computer to begin to read from yet another section of the journal. “‘Absorbing the raw power from Blast Cores, a conduit's ability to harness energy reaches a precarious tipping point after accumulating between seven to nine cores. Beyond this threshold, the conduit's physiology undergoes a tumultuous shift. Initially marked by heightened abilities, this excessive energy absorption eventually sparks deleterious manifestations.’”

“Cole had to absorb seven to use the RFI,” Zeke threw in. 

My brow furrowed as I silently counted something off in my head, piecing thoughts together bit by bit. Seven to nine cores. Dad was scared the one he used on us was enough to mess me up, but he’d had far more than one, right? 

I glanced at Brent, who seemed to be coming to the same conclusion I did; Dad’s used way, way more than seven—probably just in this year alone.

“You’ve…it’s definitely more than nine, isn’t it Del?” Dr. Sims asked. “I gave you eight just for the twins and that’s not counting the five we found in Spokane after you were cornered by the Akurans, when you had Jean’s power.”

“You used six of those generator things at the construction site.” Brent realized, “When you got mine.”

“That’s eleven alone,” I murmured. 

“How many do you think you’ve used overall?” Aunt Sia interrupted. “If you had to guess, because this…it’s concerning, Delsin.”

“Didn’t I give you three or four when you were fighting Augustine in Seattle?” Dr. Sims added, looking off to the side as he tried to recount a memory I’m sure they all wanted to forget.

Dad nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah there…there were four when that happened. I think Abbs and I found four after I got her power too,” Hit brows knit so close that the lines on his forehead looked like waves. “And I know there were a lot after I got Hank’s power. Yours too.” Dad leaned back in the chair, eyes turning to look at the popcorn ceiling. “If I had to say, I think…I think I’m close to twenty? Maybe even over it.”

Everyone fell silent, looking between each other with the same tense silence like we all expected Dad to explode right in front of us or something. Even the warmth of the mug of hot chocolate wasn’t enough to warm my hands as I asked, “If you’ve absorbed…that many, then why aren’t you…”

Dead? A walking corpse? Some sort of monster? I wasn’t even sure what to say.

Dad’s head came down when I asked my question, eyes falling to the polaroid of Warner on the table. He picked it up tentatively, bringing it closer and looking at it with a mix of intrigue and pity. “I don’t know,” he said softly. “Maybe Wolfe was wrong. Or maybe there’s something different with the Ray Sphere and that’s why Warner looks like…that.” He set the polaroid face down, looking back at Dr. Sims. “Maybe the Core Relays are different. They aren’t exactly exploding bombs.”

“No, but they are miniature fission reactors,” Dr. Sims said, turning to his laptop to begin clicking away on it yet again, muttering to himself, “Fission, fission…” as he typed what I had to assume was that same word into the search database.

“Do we really need to worry about this right now?” Dad asked, exasperated. “I mean, we’ve always known I’ve been a bit weird when it came to Core Relays, really, it’s not—”

“We just wanna make sure there’s nothing wrong,” Aunt Sia cut Dad off, her other hand going to his shoulder. “There could be some sort of…radiation radius or something if you’ve absorbed that many Core Relays.” She smirked playfully, looking down at Dad. “Maybe you’re a biohazard.”

Dad rolled his eyes. “I’m being serious, Alessia. This is about Jean, not me—”

“It may have just became about Jean,” Dr. Sims interrupted. “Sasha LaRue was a part of the Ray Sphere project.”

Dad immediately snapped forward, leaning his elbows against the table like getting close to the computer was gonna help him read the words better. “I thought she was just some crazy lady in Empire City?” Aunt Sia asked, glancing back at Zeke. 

“We…she had ties in the First Sons, but Cole and I never figured out what sort.” Zeke said. “Just knew she and Kessler were a ‘late night booty call’ sorta couple.” 

I cringed. Oh god, I could have lived without that trivia fact. 

Dr. Sims stared at Zeke, processing that information for a moment before trying to etch-n-sketch the idea from his mind with a shake of his head, saying, “Anyways—yeah, she’s mentioned a few times in regards to the Ray Sphere. Turns out she was the lead engineer of the First Sons’ Empire City branch.”

“So she knew exactly how the Ray Sphere worked,” Dad hummed, glancing at Aunt Sia. “Probably knew all about Ray Field Energy too.”

Aunt Sia didn’t look convinced. “But…Ray Field Energy can’t be what’s making Jean sick…right?” She asked, unsure. “Every Conduit needs RFE. Could it be something genetic? Like an intolerance?”

Dad shook his head. “We checked already.”

Zeke clicked his tongue in thought. “Y’know, the gene ain’t the savior y’all make it out to be. People with the gene could still get the Plague.”

Dad rolled his eyes, not bothering to look at Zeke as he said, “Yeah, but people with the gene don’t just stop working.”

“They do if you mess with RFE. Why do you think most of ‘em died in 2011?” Zeke shot back. “We used the RFI.”

Dad chewed on the inside of his cheek as Zeke called, annoyance slowly dissipating as he thought through his logic. “Eugene,” he said, raising his head to look at the man. “See if you can pull up anything about Ray Field Energy being weird. Adverse reactions, whatever was wrong with Bertrand—the whole deal.”

“That’s not a lot to go by,” Dr. Sims muttered, bringing his hands to the keyboard anyways. 

“We need to know,” Dad said, glancing up at me.

We were there for what felt like forever. Long enough for Archie to try and take a drink of my hot chocolate, and Aunt Sia to grab both rats and return them to their cage in the living room. Long enough for Zeke to become restless and start pacing the five steps it took to span the entirety of the kitchen. Long enough for my hands to start shaking as I thought about everything. The hot chocolate was frothless and cold now, bringing nothing more than a chilly distaste to my mouth that could also be felt in the room. 

Eventually, Dr. Sims shook his head. “I’ve got nothing on RFE and Conduits,” he told Dad. “RFE and humans, sure, but not Conduits.”

Dad’s brow furrowed. “RFE and humans? Like the Plague?”

Dr. Sims shook his head. “No, that’s what’s weird—it’s about the Ray Sphere.”

Dr. Sims began scrolling back up as Zeke paused to listen, reminding him, “The Ray Sphere caused the Plague. ‘Course it’s mentioned.”

Dr. Sims, though, disagreed. “It’s talking about how they prevented the Plague.”

Everyone snapped to attention at that. 

“You can prevent the Plague?” Dad asked. A thousand emotions passed through his face—shock, confusion, doubt, anger. “So Kessler managed to fuck that up too? Great.”

Dad’s hand clenched until the knuckles of his fist turned stark white, barely acknowledging Aunt Sia’s reassuring hand on his shoulder. I couldn’t blame him for his anger; if I had found out that my parent’s deaths could have been prevented, but years after the fact?

I’d be fuming too. 

Dr. Sims, oblivious to the fact that Dad looked like he was a huff away from breathing fire, asked over his shoulder, “Hey, Zeke—the Ray Sphere only detonated once, right?”

Zeke, who was frozen dumbstruck in the middle of the kitchen, took a moment to nod. “Y-yeah, it only went off the one time.”

“And Cole was holding it?” Dr. Sims asked, the word holding stressed. 

Zeke blinked. “Yeah? At least I think so. I wasn’t there. He…he would talk about how it burned his hands when he was holding it, though.”

Aunt Sia, with one final squeeze on Dad’s shoulder before letting go, asking, “What did you find?”

“It’s—it’s sorta hard to understand,” Dr. Sims admitted, finally settling his scrolling to a segment of the journal, “But it reads like they had a lot of issues in the beginning of testing with illness, just like the Plague, but then figured out how to keep the fallout from its detonation from happening.”

The Plague was something I really didn’t understand. To be fair, I don’t think anyone really understood it fully; it ripped through victims way too fast for any solid science on it, and with it being completely eradicated from the world with the RFI, no one ever really tried replicating it. Most people didn’t even know how it happened—the Ray Sphere wasn’t public knowledge. Far as I knew, it was nothing more than an illness you’d occasionally see mocked up in conspiracy forums regarding chemical agents and aliens. 

What we did know about it was…weird. Contagious radiation poisoning. Contagious. No one really understood how that was even possible. 

Until now. 

Dr. Sims turned back towards his computer and began reading. “‘In the initial phases of our research, I harbored profound reservations regarding the implications of detonating the Ray Sphere—a device harnessing the raw power of nuclear fission. The prospect of manipulating such potent energy was both exhilarating and unnerving. I grappled with the uncertainty of its consequences, the unknown variables that could spiral out of control. It was already proving a terrible beast to control; those without the gene, when exposed to the energy output from the device, fell to an illness not unlike Acute Radiation Poisoning—only it battled with their neuroelectrical energy. Whatever it didn’t take to power the Ray Sphere, it sought to destroy. What was more alarming was how it seemed to spread to those outside of the vicinity of the detonation, as if the energy from the Ray Sphere jumped from person to person, seeking a genetically-positive person to attach to.’”

“Jeez,” Dad breathed when Dr. Sims paused. “So the fallout, what, seeks out the gene?”

“Seems like it,” Dr. Sims confirmed. I could see him highlight the section in the reflection of his glasses, and throw a copy of it into a note in the background, storing it away for himself later. This was probably a gold mine to him. He cleared his throat before continuing, “‘Despite my concerns, Kessler continuously reassured me, promising that as long as we found a suitable core, there would be no repercussions beyond the unfortunate souls sacrificed to the Ray Sphere for its initial phase. At first, I didn’t trust him. What if our actions unleashed catastrophic repercussions beyond our comprehension? But now, I see how wrong I was, and why Miss LaRue calls him her little oracle. After three failed attempts, Kessler insisted that I place someone with the gene directly beside the Ray Sphere, perhaps even holding it, for better results.

“‘Kessler was right. The Ray Sphere needs approximately eight hundred to a thousand microvolts from neuroelectrical energy to fully charge the Blast Core—about ten to twelve people. They all fall victim to sudden exposure to Ray Field Energy—including the genetic carrier in question. Who wouldn’t, when face to face with a miniature nuke with twice the concentrated energy? But where they fell, the carrier rose. Eleven test subjects turned to ash in an explosion greater than anything I’d seen before when activating the Ray Sphere, only for one to be birthed from the ashes. When the dust settled and we turned to our monitors for information on the fallout of the detonation, we found there was none. The scintillation counters were the only proof the Ray Sphere even detonated—well, that and the smell of burnt leather in the room when we deemed it safe to enter with hazmat. The test subject himself was in disarray and needed to be temporarily placed on a ventilator due to distress from direct exposure to radiation, but within the week, he was healed, no longer exhibiting symptoms of radiation poisoning and with the ability to manipulate flames. He had become a conduit for the raw, ionized energy, and came out of its blast anew, his proteins absorbing the radiation in full and preventing any fallout from occurring.’”

My mind was reeling. So the…the Conduit they used in their experiment basically sucked up all of the radiation? I glanced around the room to see Zeke’s back turned towards us all, nodding slowly. When we were out on the roof of that train car by his house, Zeke had said Cole went into a coma. “Took him a while to brush off what happened to him after the Blast,” he had said. 

Not because it was explosive, but because he was fighting radiation poisoning. 

“‘With no risk of radioactive fallout upon the use of the Ray Sphere, we’ve essentially secured funding from DARPA for any experimentation in the near future. As long as a gene carrier, a conduit for the Ray Field Energy, activates the Ray Sphere, the only damage to come to the world will be from the Conduit’s power as it becomes overloaded from so much RFE, and the poor souls that sacrifice themselves for the greater good.’” Dr. Sims finished before leaning back in his chair, closing out the translation pop-up. 

Dad looked furious. “So they knew.” He said. Not asked. “They knew it could go wrong, and they still set up everything to happen the way it did.”

“I don’t understand,” Aunt Sia murmured, moving to lean against the end of the table on my right. “Kessler didn’t care about the risk? Or did he want that to happen?”

Dr. Sims shook his head. “No. No, I don’t think Kessler would have wanted there to be a Plague. Wolfe said for the greater good. They were still working towards fighting the Beast and keeping humanity safe. Something happened.”

“Like what?” Dad demanded. “If the Ray Sphere detonated once, then how did it cause the Plague?”

Dr. Sims inhaled deeply, trying to brush off Dad’s anger. “There’s something here about proximity related to residual RFE post-activation,” he hummed, like it meant something. “They took everything into account.”

Wait—post what? I held up a hand half-heartedly like a student in class, not bothering to say anything until Aunt Sia hummed, “What is it, Jean?”

“Dr. Sims said post activation, right?” I said, looking between him and Dad. “And th–the notes said something about the Conduit’s power overloading. So did the Ray Sphere have to explode for the radiation to occur, or did it have to just be turned on?”

Dad and Dr. Sims stared at me for so long that I began to try to defend myself with, “Sorry, I don’t really get how this works—” before Dad held up a hand to silence me, staring at the wood grain as he worked something out. 

“It…It wouldn’t need to explode, would it?” He asked. “It’d just need to begin the fission process. That’d be enough.”

Dr. Sims slowly nodded, rubbing a hand against his chin in thought. “It would need to output that energy with or without the Conduit,” he hummed, “and Wolfe said something about the ‘overloading RFE’ and uh…an explosion bigger than what had happened before. That’s gotta mean there’s a version of the Ray Sphere being activated that doesn’t cause as big of a detonation.”

Dad nodded, his own more pronounced. “That means something could’ve happened when it was in someone else’s hands. Hey, Zeke, didn’t you say the Ray Sphere was taken by some gang back in—”

Dad faltered as he looked back to where Zeke had been standing only to see he was no longer there. Instead Zeke was by the sink, leaned over it like he was ill, gripping the edge of the counter with a grip usually saved for squeezing the life out of something. “Zeke?” Aunt Sia asked softly.

“A Conduit has to activate the Sphere?” Zeke asked, voice lower than I've ever heard it.

Dr. Sims glanced over at Dad, who looked just as bewildered. “I, uh...yes,” he confirmed hesitantly. “A Conduit has to be within…thirty-five centimeters of the Ray Sphere and holding it to act as a...well, a conduit for the RFE.“ He glanced back at the screen. ”Seems that's where Kessler got the name, in fact.”

Zeke's head shook as it fell, like he was refusing to believe what he was hearing. What was going on with him? He was acting like he was just diagnosed with the Plague himself. Brent looked over at me bewildered and all I could do was shrug.

Dad, though, didn't have as much tact. “What happened, Zeke?” he asked, eyes narrow as they bore through Zeke's back. “Do you know how the Plague started?”

Zeke breathed shakily, giving himself a few seconds to keep his head hung low as he collected himself. He reached up and pulled off his polarized glasses, running a hand across his face hard like he was trying to wipe away dirt. It's when he turned that I realized he was crying.

“I think I started it,” he whispered, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. “What did you just say?” Dad asked flatly, the hold on the back of his chair tightening.

Zeke kept his head low, eyes pointed at the ground but seeming to look far past it to some long-forgotten memory. “There was this...game of hot potato after the Blast as everyone fought to get ahold of the Ray Sphere. First John White pulled it from Cole's body after the Blast. Then the Dustmen got ahold'a it.”

“Dustmen?” I asked before I could stop myself. What kind of name was that?

“They were the old heir to the First Sons' gang.” Zeke informed me, only just glancing up. He saw how intensely everyone was looking at him, though, and his eyes fell once more. “He wanted the Ray Sphere back to eventually reclaim the throne from Kessler. He stuck it at the top of this huge tower he made with his powers, in some sorta charging cradle and had his men guarding it.

“We...Cole and I fought our way to the top of this tower and—you've gotta understand. There were Dustmen, there were First Sons, we were a good three hundred feet in the air and I had nothing but my pistol on me.” Zeke shook his head as he relived the memory. “And with everything else going on in Empire City...I was scared outta my mind. So when Cole was fighting Alden's men and I managed to get to the Ray Sphere and pull it outta that charging thing...”

His fist came down softly against the counter’s edge behind him, a beat far steadier than my own as I listened to his story. “I turned it on.” He admitted simply. 

It was almost instantaneous; Dad’s grip on the chair grew so strong that the wood backing splintered under his fingers, Aunt Sia’s protests unheard over Dad as he growled, “You what?”

“I was terrified,” he said, the admittance not really an excuse, but an explanation. He definitely didn’t seem to be defending his choice at all. “The world was going to hell in a handbasket and I barely had enough 9 millimeters to keep fighting against it. There were people who could suddenly make spiders outta scrap metal and tar that’d turn you into some zombie. My best friend was shooting lightning outta his hands and the most I could do to help him was hand him rubber gloves.” Zeke sighed hard, closing his eyes. “Kessler told me he…he knew why it didn’t work when it fizzled out. Why I didn’t get powers. And that he would show me what needed to be done if I just gave him the Ray Sphere. So…I did it. I gave him the damn thing. I was scared and thought that by getting myself some powers I’d live to see the next day. 'Cause then? That wasn't guaranteed.”

Guaranteed. 

“How long are you willing to fight for these Humans when they’re guaranteed to turn on you in the end?” Augustine’s voice rang in my ear. “Even the great Cole MacGrath was betrayed by his closest companion.” 

“You’re the one that turned on Cole,” I whispered, not realizing my eyes had fallen until I looked back up at Zeke, whose own were solemn. 

“You knew?” Brent demanded accusingly. 

“Kids.” Aunt Sia interjected sharply. 

“So you just set off the Ray Sphere because you were jealous?” Dad asked Zeke. 

“I was scared. Hell, we all were—”

“There was no one else close to the Ray Sphere?” Dr. Sims demanded, trying to click through some translation notes at rapid speed. 

Zeke shook his head. “Just me.” He began to pace back and forth in the three steps it took to get from the counter on one side of the kitchen to the oven on the other.

“There would have been no one gene-positive close enough to absorb the latent RFE. At least not in a way that mattered before the scattering of radioactive dust,” Dr. Sims informed the room.

Zeke stopped pacing, head falling into his hands. “Christ, did I cause the Plague?” he whispered aghast.

It was almost instantaneous; for a moment, Zeke looked like he was about to fall to his knees with how hard they were shaking, and then a second later he was flying back into the pantry door, Dad nothing but a plume of dust and concrete as he moved to beat on Zeke.

Whatever happened next was hell, and I was barely able to keep track of it all. There was a dogpile of limbs in the kitchen I was shoved away from. Brent emerged from it fully steel, holding Dad back and pushing him against the cracked pantry door as he fought to get out of Brent’s grip. Aunt Sia helped Zeke stand, trying to wipe away at his bloody nose with a random rag she pulled from the oven’s handle. Dr. Sims moved to intercept Dad's concrete-laden arm as it raised and aimed indiscriminately at Zeke, his face more furious than I've ever personally seen him.

“You killed them!” he screamed, loud enough that his voice echoed through the room. Brent pushed Dad against the wall and was trying to talk him down and I'm pretty sure the only thing that kept him from catching a right hook was the fact that he was Dad's son. “My parents died because of you!”

“I didn't know,” Zeke insisted, holding the white rag to his face that was steadily turning red. “I just...I was trying to protect myself—”

“You nearly killed the world because you were jealous,” Dad spat, face contorted in rage. “You gave Kessler back the Ray Sphere to get powers! You were a coward—”

“Delsin—” Dr. Sims tried to talk Dad down, though it was no use.

“I was.” Zeke agreed without hesitation. “You think I haven't regretted it every day of my life since? I’ve been trying to make up for my mistake ever since—”

“Regret isn't gonna bring back everyone you killed,“ Dad snarled.

“I know.” Zeke said solemnly. “One of those people that died was my best friend—”

Dad scoffed. “Save me the fucking sob story—you're the one that betrayed him! I'm supposed to give a shit about how sorry you feel when you turned on him willingly?” He shook his head, glancing at Dr. Sims, who was still holding his dominant hand. “Did you know about this?” he demanded.

Dr. Sims shook his head and opened his mouth to say something when Aunt Sia said, “I did.”

Dad's head snapped her way and he glowered, the stare enough to make my own spine chill despite being to the left and behind her. “You what?” he growled.

Aunt Sia didn't even flinch. “I knew what happened. Zeke told me years ago when we first started working on this together,” She motioned to the papers on the table.

“And you didn't think to tell me?” He looked beyond pissed. Betrayed, like Aunt Sia was the one to activate the Ray Sphere.

Aunt Sia raised an eyebrow. “Would you have understood?”

Dad blinked, his scowl just barely slipping off of his face. “What?”

“You're not human, Delsin. Not like Zeke, not like Reggie, and not like me.” Aunt Sia pointed to her own chest as Dad’s nostrils flared the moment she brought up his brother. “You don't get how...how scary and inadequate it can feel to be the person who can't do anything and to watch people you love put their lives on the line. You can—you can make a nonprofit to help or go undercover or sneak people out of the country but it's never enough.” Her hand fell. “I spent five years trying to help the Conduits and you were able to fix their issues in a week. Do you know how hard it is to feel like you're never doing enough when people you care about are in trouble? To be pushed aside and practically be told to let the Big Boys handle it?”

My eyes fell from looking at Aunt Sia to staring at the tile, her words settling on top of that weight in my chest that I couldn't seem to shake off anymore. Do you know how hard it is to feel like you're never doing enough when people you care about are in trouble? I could guess. I felt it in the pristine white of that First Sons base, watching Dad and Brent fight and having to run away like a coward. Helping Dad bandage chemical burns on his flesh that made the entire room smell like weirdly sweet bacon whenever the wrappings would come off. And I couldn't do anything to prevent that, even as a Conduit—or whatever I was now. Told to run away, asked to hide on the floorboard of a car, told that I 'didn't need to worry about it' when wanting to know more about everything.

And I guess that, even though I didn't really approve of handing over a miniature nuke to a crazy cult leader, I could understand why Zeke did what he did.

Dad, though, didn't. “That's different,” he insisted.

“Is it?” 

“You didn’t sell out Eugene to Augustine,” Dad said, before his eyes returned to Zeke and they immediately became darker. “He fucked over MacGrath.”

“And I’ve done everything I could to honor Cole and his sacrifice,” Zeke, surprisingly, snapped back. “You think I’m not haunted by what he had to do every goddamn day of my life?”

Dad shrugged off Dr. Sims’ hold. “He wouldn’t have had to sacrifice shit if it wasn’t for you.”

Aunt Sia sighed, exasperated. “Delsin, don’t act like you’ve never made a selfish mistake before.”

“I didn’t hand a goddamn bomb to Kessler!” Dad defended. 

“No, but you’ve done stupid shit plenty of times before.” Aunt Sia chastised. “Don’t act like you’ve never been blinded by your emotions.”

Dad glowered long after Brent let him go, not moving from his spot. He seemed to be debating on where to place his anger, and I saw his right hand twitch once without raising as his eyes shifted between Aunt Sia to Zeke and back again. The tight fist relaxed, but he still had enough anger in him to let them settle on Zeke and growl, “I’m only saying this once, Dunbar: You do anything to risk my family while we’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with my girl? I’ll kill you. You’re here because you’ve got good information, and nothing else.” 

The air itself felt thick as Dad stared down Zeke, waiting for some form of acknowledgement. “Alright,” Zeke relented, the first to break eye contact. 

Aunt Sia held up a hand, trying to force Dad and his cold glare to stand down. “We should stop there for today,” she said, voice suggesting she was leaving no room for arguments. “We’re getting nowhere like this, and I think everyone could do with a break right now, okay? So let’s stop.” 

Dad glowered our way a moment longer before storming off, making sure to give Zeke a shoulder check on his way past before he threw open the back door and disappeared into the backyard. 

It was hard to pretend like everything was normal for the rest of the day. 

The journal didn’t really get us anywhere, and when Dr. Sims declared he wanted to take me to a hospital tomorrow and run tests? I became nervous. “There’s a specialist there that can see her that might be able to help,” he told Aunt Sia. “And the endocrine unit and palliative care are on the same floor. That’s where the other prime Conduit experiencing strange symptoms is.”

Zeke disappeared soon after Dad retreated to the backyard, mumbling something about ‘giving space’ that he didn’t even let Aunt Sia try to retort to. She sighed hard as he closed the front door before turning to Brent and I, leaving Dr. Sims to mess around on his computer as she steered us to the living room, trying to use the allure of a movie to help us pretend like none of that just happened. 

She tried to make the resulting day fun. Tried being the keyword. Trips down memory lane where she reminded us of every young-age blunder she saw over the five years she watched us, equally embarrassing moments from Dad’s past before we were born.

“Met her soon after I met Eugene,” Dad said when he had returned from outside, anger somewhere dissipated. “She would locate the suspected conduits he was picking up, and Project Sanctuary would sneak them outta Seattle. Eventually had me doing the same thing.”

It was hard work, tearing suspected gene carriers out of jail cells and getting them out of the country, but they did it together with the network Aunt Sia had built over the years. “I started Project Sanctuary soon after I began volunteering at the Conduit Rights League,” she told us, “About a year after Eugene was taken from me.”

Dad and Aunt Sia really got to know each other in the after, though; those few months after Augustine’s crimes were shared but before the government was strong-armed into doing anything about them, Aunt Sia was there trying to help the Conduits that were trickle-released from Curdun before its doors closed. She was there to protest when they were opened again. “With the pandemic, and your mother’s condition, I didn’t visit her as much as I wanted for fear of getting her sick,” Aunt Sia admitted when we asked her why, since she knew Dad since we were born, there was no evidence of her existence. “And besides, you know me—addicted to my work. I had a lot cut out for me then,”

But everything she said, all she meant to be some sort of melancholic sharing of truth, was nothing more but another straw on the back of this burden that kept feeling like it was crushing my chest in. I knew so little. I was the cause of so much. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened in the last few weeks; the lies and the pain and the truths and the fights. 

I even made the mistake of going online at some point and was bombarded with new notifications; someone found my art blog online, and it spread, fast. There were so many messages, so many death threats, that I had to go hide in the bathroom and cry as I deactivated every source of me online. Not before seeing news updates about COLE, since my name was tied to them now. 

Protests, riots. More bomb threats than should have been allowed. COLE was officially defunded in 8 states, and forced to close by government order in 3 of those. CRON, the conduit registration bill, suddenly had enough signatures to pass the House, and was set to be voted on in the Senate. 

And this was all because of me, and what I did to Seattle.

I tucked my phone into the couch after that, ignoring every missed email and social media notification because I was so sure what they would be about that I figured it would be better to not even look at them. But I couldn’t stop thinking about them. God, I couldn’t—not during the movie Aunt Sia put on, not during dinner, and not even when she tossed me a pair of soft pajamas that I almost immediately dropped, declaring a girls night. “You all find a place to sleep,” she said, waving off Dr. Sims, Brent and Dad in a jokingly dismissive way. “Jean and I will be in my room.”

She ushered me into her bedroom and, after a brief moment where she helped Dr. Sims find comfort on her couch, returned, closing the door fully behind her and locking it for good measure before turning to face me, holding up my phone. “You forgot something,” she said, moving to the big king sized bed and handing it to me before crawling in. 

“Oh,” I smiled, trying my best to look grateful as I set down my hair brush and reached out to grab the phone, “Thanks.” I immediately put it on the nightstand beside the bed, face down. 

Aunt Sia sighed, “Alright, hon.” She raised an eyebrow when I looked at her. “You father isn’t in the room anymore. Out with it.”

I blinked, brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not blind, Jean.” Aunt Sia said softly, concern laden in her voice. “You’ve barely smiled since you’ve been here. I can hardly get any interaction out of you. What’s wrong?”

I looked away from her, shrugging and grabbing the hair brush again. “Just tired. I could barely sleep in that van.” 

Aunt Sia gently took the hair brush from me and began to go through my hair herself, working out the knots. “I don’t believe you,” she hummed. Non-accusingly but still all the worried. 

I sighed hard, and admittedly said a bit snappily, “I’m just tired,” trying to reinforce the lie to her. To myself. All it did was make me sound more guilty. 

“Jean.” 

I could feel her eyes boring into me from behind as she set the brush down and began to braid my hair, small hands moving expertly to make a french braid tighter and neater than anything I could ever do. I looked up at my reflection in the vanity mirror in front of her bed and sighed, hating how deep the eyebags looked. “I’m…I’m sorry.” I began. 

“It’s alright, I shouldn’t have pushed—”

“No not that—well, actually, yeah. That too.” My eyes traveled down to my cast, the same deep blue as those waves that devastated Seattle covering the ashen and yellowed bruises, the same shades as the remains of COLE in Portland. “I…a bunch of people found my blog and…they weren’t nice about it.”

Aunt Sia’s brow furrowed slightly. “How so?”

I didn’t answer, pushing Aunt Sia to pull her own phone out and go straight to the blog. Shit. Right. I gave her the link to that. She scrolled for a moment, seeing nothing innocuous until she got to the comments—and that’s where her anger flared. “Wh–” she cut off, scrolling further. Switching to reblogs. Her nostrils flared, gray eyes almost steeling like Brent’s and the hand holding my braid in place tightened. “Those assholes,” she hissed, dropping her phone and looking up and meeting my eyes in the reflection of the mirror. “Jean, how long have you known about this? We need to tell your father—”

“No!” I cut her off, a bit too loud. I screwed my eyes shut and inhaled deeply, forcing myself to be quieter. Involving Dad was the last thing I wanted to do, especially after everything today. “No, no–not Dad. Not now. Please.”

Aunt Sia, fury still in her eyes, let her face soften slightly. “Why not?”

It took me far too long to answer, instead glancing at the screen of her phone; she was on a picture I’d done of a beach. Pastels. That one had so many comments—not just of people saying how the art sucked, but saying I had planned this the whole time. That I wanted to flood Seattle, that I wanted to kill everyone I did, and this romanticizing of the tall waves was proof. “It…” I drew off, unsure of what to say. “He doesn’t need to worry about it right now.”

I could hear Aunt Sia sigh gently. “That’s not for you to decide.” 

A warmth of upset, of anger, lit in my chest. “I’ve already caused him enough issues, he doesn’t need to keep worrying about me—”

“Hey,” Aunt Sia cut me off, hushing me like one would some spooked animal. Her eyes met my reflection. “Now, Jeanie, listen to me. Everything that’s happened wasn't your fault. You hear me? It doesn't matter what anyone says, it wasn't your fault.”

I shook my head. “I killed one hundred and thirty seven people, Aunt Sia. People keep attacking COLE because of it. Dad’s cover was blown! All the people that were hurt and th-the politicians…” my voice cracked and I clammed up immediately, barely able to choke out after, “If I was more careful in the alley or the fight with Augustine—”

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for that, Jean,” Aunt Sia interrupted. “You’re a child.”

“Does that matter?” 

“Of course it matters.” The hairbrush came down, and she moved to look at me intensely through the mirror from over my shoulder. “You were dealt a bad hand and you did what you did out of desperation. Who could blame you?”

“Everyone,” I said softly, looking down at the printed quilt at the end of the bed. “Everyone does.” 

Aunt Sia sighed, silence hanging in the air for a few moments before she started. “I think…I think what matters most is knowing—and accepting—that, sometimes…you won’t be able to help.” The way she said it so matter-of-factly made me raise my head to look at her in the mirror. She wasn’t staring at my reflection anymore; her eyes were down, staring at the dresser the mirror was posted on and yet far past it, eyes traveled somewhere foreign. The look was familiar; that's how Dad would look when thinking about his past. About everything that still threatened to drag him down. “Sometimes all there really is is guilt and shame, and the feeling of your entire life being a burden to those around you. But what I learned throughout the years is that people will only start to treat you like an inconvenience if you present yourself as one.”

“I already am.” I interjected. “I know I had the healing thing for only, like, a week, but—”

The glaze in Aunt Sia’s mind seeped away and they snapped up to meet mine in the mirror. “You're a person who needs help, and you have so many people in your life who are willing to go above and beyond to provide you with that help. Not because they pity you, not because it gets you off their back, but because they love you.” After a moment Aunt Sia seemed to know the thoughts forming in my mind before the sentence was finished being built, adding, “Even if it might not always look like it—hell, I've known your Dad long enough to be aware of just how harsh he can be sometimes. But he does love you. We all do.”

I looked down at my hands, disagreement rising in the back of my throat like bile. “I just…I feel so useless right now,” I admitted. Why was that one sentence so hard to choke out? “I’m either not helping or when I do try to help I…drown half of Seattle. I couldn’t even protect them when we were in New Marais.”

“It's hard to come to terms with the fact that sometimes all we can do is rely on the kindness of others, and it's frustrating to feel like you're unable to ever return just a tiny bit of everything they did for you.” Aunt Sia sympathized. I’d never understand how it came to her so easily. “But there is one thing you're missing: You surviving, you making it through hard times with their help, you being able to smile again? That's the best way to give back to the loved ones that want nothing more but to be there for you.”

My brow furrowed as I processed her words. Was that really it? Was it that easy? It didn’t feel that easy. It definitely didn’t feel like someone else’s love would absolve me of my sins. “Those people in Seattle had loved ones.” I said simply, eyes glancing over to look at Aunt Sia’s knees. “That mom that lost her kid in the COLE bombing? There’s so many innocent people that’ve been hurt, and it’s because of me in some way.” I could feel the frustration and anger and self loathing bubble up in my chest. “I—Dad can’t even go back to work, Brent can’t see his girlfriend, you’re stuck watching COLE explode after everything you’ve done for it—”

I hadn’t noticed I began to tear up until Aunt Sia took my face in her hands, squishing my cheeks slightly as she forced me to look at her. “None of that is your fault,” She insisted, eyes searching mine. “None of that was intentional. You didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and that’s enough—even if you may have. You were trying, and that’s a lot more than anyone else can say. You think those politicians have ever done a thing in their life that benefited anyone but themselves?” She shook her head, answering her own question. Her hands fell from my face, but she stayed close. “The only thing I want you to worry about right now is your health. Everything else is for us to worry about, I don’t want you to feel guilty for us caring about you. You’re worth all of this stress. No one—no government, no human, and no conduit will ever be able to convince me of the opposite.” Her shoulders squared a bit. “And I'll beat the shit out of everyone that even dares to try and tell me that what happened was something you should be blamed for."

God, there she was—the Aunt Sia I knew. She managed to pull an amused huff outta me, my halfhearted smile bringing a brighter one on her own face. “Now stop this moping, I can’t handle it. Let’s have one night where we pretend nothing’s happening, okay? You need a night off, especially since tomorrow’s gonna be busy.”

With a swallow and a nod I agreed, trying to shove away the pain for now. I knew she was right; Dad had told me Dr. Sims was able to order some tests for tomorrow. “There’s a specialist there that can see you that might be able to help, and they work in the same hospital where the other prime Conduit experiencing strange symptoms is,” he said. We’d be leaving in the morning. 

I couldn’t see it from her point of view, I couldn’t understand how I deserved her understanding—but maybe it was easier to lie to myself anyways. And as Aunt Sia went to a folder titled ‘Jeanie’ Favs’ in her pirated movies, I figured maybe she was right about one thing; I could use a reason to forget about everything right now.

[noahtally-famous]

man I rlly hope Ezekiel’s parents don’t watch total drama bc can you imagine what they must have gone through?

watching their son get booted first in both seasons he participated in (technically second in world tour but we all saw Chris hurl him out of the plane to “set an example” and Duncan quitting doesn’t count bc it was voluntary), then see neither hair nor hide of him for half of the season only to find out he’s been staying in the cargo hold and growing slowly feral and less human with every passing day. then he’s used as a gag trick for two separate challenges and tranquilized and in a cage like a bloody animal. then in the finale, he’s basically unrecognizable and falls into a volcano.

after that, he’s only mentioned in snippets, affected by the radioactivity of the island and has turned into a mesh of an animalistic creature, and is far from the human boy who left his sheltered home all those months ago.

a home he never returns to. a boy who’ll never be one again.

[emrikae]

aot cast modern au jobs in my head:

eren: cybersecurity specialist. i feel like erens one of those kids that suck in subjects like lang-lit or fucking geography but have an impressive talent in anything techi. i think growing up eren was a competitive gamer and i imagine him being pretty rich in the sense where doctor daddy grisha and also big bro zeke are always spoiling his brat ass with the latest technology. he gets so good, he initially goes into uni wanting to become a game designer but after a brief fallout with his dad when he dropped out and eventually had his allowance cut (a period where i think eren dips into underground hacking and also modelling?) he falls upon the sexy salary in cybersecurity (and saw how thrilling- and damn easy !for him! - the job is) he changed course. i think eren eventually builds his own successful company and becomes one of those rich folks who say that school aint shit.

mikasa: president of a major sports team. mikasa takes over pretty young (like early 30s) after old uncle kenny was involved in some ‘reiss scandal’. initially mikasa was labelled ‘princess’ (derogatory) by dumb angry hooligans who thought a woman would curse their current standing, jokes on them cus that same season the club broke their 20 year curse by reaching the championships. i also think old pictures of gothkasa gets leaked on the internet but it only brought her more praise. but i actually dont think mikasa stays in this job for very long, shes always wanted a quiet simple form of income anyway so when her baby brother comes of right age and maturity she passes the baton to him and lays back as just a shareholder before shes even 40. i also believe mikasa in another universe wouldve loved to be an archivist.

armin: celebrity marine biologist/activist that went viral online during lockdown. he gets his own fanbase and is termed ‘biologist bae’ cus of his cute looks. a tv producer who fell into his corner pretty much fell in love with him after seeing armin deliver a spiel about endangered dugongs. invites him to a bunch of talk shows and the viewership goes so high (a large portion of it being teenage fangirls who want to ‘save the ocean’ too!) he manages to score his own show where he eventually meets his future wife.

annie: senior tv writer who got with armin after working with him on his show. she usually works on sporty reality shows and competitions even though shes a big time introvert. known for her sharp dont fuck with me work ethic, annie gags at how easily she fell into ‘biologist baes’ charm, hates how shes just like the 14 year old fangirls who try to sneak into their shoots. but anyways, annies the ace at her job been going hard for about 15 years but ultimately decides to retire early after having her second child and really liking how ‘biologist bae’ was making enough dough for the whole family.

sasha: influencer cus shes so pretty and fun. was a design major so all her vids have a ‘aesthetic’. now she prettily promotes lifestyle hacks for all the girlies. she also has a set of vids called “what my chef husband cooked for me today” . i think also further on she ends up being one of those moms who shoots vlogs and reviews with their kids.

jean: jeans a classy guy with artistic talents so i imagine him being a successful automotive designer for a luxurious car company. a mommas boy, he used his first fat pay-check to buy his mom a sleek ride thats a little too fast for someone her age. dudes insta page is what you’d expect from a posh car enthusiast with flashy posts of either him, his car, his mom or all 3.

connie: real estate party man. he really climbed his way up and becomes a man of many stories, friends with everyone and plenty of connections. the old hustle got him familiar with the best locations in the city, and now with his excellent salesmanship dude manages to sell at least 3 huge properties a week. i also feel like connies one of those dudes to finally settle down in his 40s -50s (with someone half his age).

historia: i believe queenbee was made for wedding planning. she has her own company before her first job ever but damn is she good at it. being brought up filthy rich, historia is familiar with the highest quality of things, knows whats on the market that only the small percentage of rich people know and will get clients their dream wedding to a t. moreover, she also loves to play cupid (canon!) and is always up to planning her friends weddings (and baby showers, and birthdays parties, and…)

ymir: i imagine ymir being on the board of directors for a bunch of ngos. she had a tough upbringing, was probably moved around from one home to another and could see how hard life is for anyone working at minimum wage. she grew up to be a little spitfire in school, hadnt taken it seriously until she reached senior year and bonded with a school staff named Ms Ymir Fritz. With the wisdom and kindness she learnt from her old teacher, ymir wanted to pay it forward and decided to make a living helping those in need.

reiner: idk why, but i feel like reiners a softie at heart and i imagine him having a nice cozy candy shop. probably fighting old childhood demons and the parental neglect he faced, his cute little shop comes as part of his healing journey to compensate what he missed out on in his youth. its sweet (but a little heartbreaking) that reiners favourite part about his job is getting to witness and be a part of the joy that emerges between families when they enter his shop.

bertholdt: a nurse just cus i think bertholdt would know how to be gentle with the patients. hes got a soft way of speaking that makes vulnerable people feel safe and comfortable. hes also wildly knowledgeable in flexibility and keeping your muscles in good shape that he conducts morning stretches and sometimes yoga in one of their recreational halls.

[clare-875]

Until The End (Levi x Reader)- Chapter 30

[Tea or Wine]

_____ A/N: Posted on Wattpad (@CLARE_875) but also decided to post here :)

Summary: "You can push me away, but I will still fight by you, and I will still follow you… until the end."

The ever-so-stoic Levi Ackerman has only ever known the terrors that living in a cruel world could bring. This all changed one fateful day when he encountered [y/n]; a girl renowned for her looks and abnormal speed. As they escape the confines of the Underground together, they soon discover that freedom doesn't come easy in a world full of Titans. As they rise through the ranks, [y/n] becomes known as "Humanity's Angel", a beacon of hope to humanity as she melts the walls Levi had built around his heart. However, she has her secrets too, and a dark past that might just threaten to pull them apart.

The storyline and characters of Attack on Titan do NOT belong to me, but all to Hajime Isayama; however, I do own this story, and all that occurs disparate to that storyline.

[Series Masterlist] [Chapter Twenty-Nine] <--> [Chapter Thirty-One] _____

Warnings: Descriptions of Blood, Death, Injury, Canonical Violence

When you arrived back to Paradis, the crowds welcomed you in shouts of praise and cheer, news spreading of our seemingly victorious raid on Marley. Your squad along with Hange had stayed in town, and Eren was sent straight to a cell. However, you, Levi and a group of Scouts left the same afternoon you came home. You had all ridden on horseback to the Forest of Giant Trees, taking Zeke Jaeger with you. Levi had joked that we had a world-class hotel waiting for the Beast Titan. You sigh grimly at the thought now as you look up to the massive trees above you, it had been years since you returned, and the memories of the last time you were here were anything but fond. You watch as Levi dismounts his horse and the other Scouts get ready for camp. 

They unload their belongings and you tie your horse beside Levi's joining him as he goes to Zeke who sits on a crate, supervised by two Scouts. He looks up as the two of you approach, an unreadable expression on his face. "I just need to stay here, don't I?" He asks as you frown at him alongside Levi. The man next to you speaks, a dark expression on his face, "Try anything funny, you're dead hairball." Zeke freezes at the intent and lets out a deep sigh. "So, you're going to watch him kill me then [y/n]?" He asks as his eyes turn to your unflinching face. "I told you," you say as you reply emotionlessly. "If it comes down to it, I will watch as you die." Zeke has a grim but unsurprised expression on his face. "Then I stand by my words from that day." He says lowly, and you remember, he had told you he would try to kill Levi in return. "And I stand by mine," you say, before turning and walking away, he would die before he even touches Levi. 

The sun is already low on the horizon as the Scouts around you scurry to put up their tents, one coming and telling you that yours and Levi's were complete as you nod thankfully. You help them gather wood and start a fire for the cold night, as those around you blush and stutter in their own thanks, before being cut off by Levi's glare. You help the Scouts with their work, all the while as thoughts are running through your head. Even upon your return, there had been conflict on whether to trust Eren or not. You know some are strongly devoted to Eren's ideals whatever they may be, and you feared an imminent internal conflict. Historia was also now pregnant, and you knew this caused outrage among higher-ranking officers, thinking she was postponing turning into a Titan and consuming the Beast Titan. There was so much uncertainty, and those you used to trust, you no longer could. On top of all that, Sasha had been killed in the most maddening way imaginable; not by a Titan, or by battle against some expert soldier... but in an instant... by a kid. 

You don't realise you have been staring into the fire, gripping your hands tightly causing some blood to almost spill under the weight of your nails until you feel a warm hand encase your own. Levi gently pries your hands away from the other and you feel him sitting next to you in front of the fire, looking at you in concern. "Oi, don't do that with your hands," he frowns as he takes one in his own. Your thoughts are instantly quietened by the man that you love and you lean against his shoulder tiredly. There is a silence as the moon starts to rise in the darkening sky. You look to see Zeke reading a book and there is a sudden absence of Scouts around you. "Where is everyone?" You ask softly looking up to Levi who nods his head to a little distance away. You look to see that the Scouts had bundled around some crates in the distance, faces flushed as they held up cups, strangely in a happy mood. "Is that...?" You start to question watching as they pour a red liquid from bottles, fighting each other over it. 

"Wine," Levi replies sighing. "They nicked some that was imported from Marley, convinced me to let them have it... I'm not so sure that's a good idea now though," he says darkly. You find yourself silently agreeing as you watch the drunken faces of the Scouts a small distance away. You play with Levi's hand in your grasp as he turns to you, a fond expression now on his face as you find each other quite alone except for Zeke who still keeps reading whatever book it is that's in his hand. You smile at his soft gaze and he brings forward a Flask to you. You raise your eyebrow as Levi replies seeing your questioning gaze. "Don't get too excited, you can't have wine, you're a lightweight," he says smirking slightly at your pout. "But we can have tea." He hands a cup to you as he pours you some before pouring himself some as well. You smile at the gesture and lean against him once more, the two of you in front of the fire, sipping your drinks in the warm presence of the other, serene silence around you. 

..... 

[One Month Later]

Another evening is upon you when two Scouts arrive from within town. They approach you and Levi, high up on a branch of a tree with information on what's happening. You can't deny the initial shock at the proclamation made as you speak out, completely blindsided. "Zachary was killed?" You say breathlessly, as the Scout in front of you and Levi nods. The leader of the three regiments... how?  "Yes. The Jaegerists effectively control everything in the walls. We think it's all part of some plan Zeke put together using Yelena and Eren." The Jaegerists, devout followers and supporters of Eren... "And?" Levi prompts the Scout to keep speaking as he continues grimly. "Soon, the Jaegerists may bring Eren to see Zeke like they've been demanding." There is a brief silence as you speak up from next to Levi with a hard gaze. "And Pyxis? Is he letting this happen?" 

Another Scout speaks up. "As you know, the Commander can be quite stubborn." Levi's eyes spark dangerously, as he speaks in realisation. "He's gonna make sure Eren gets eaten... by our own hands." The other Scouts nod silently in confirmation to Levi's words as you watch his face contort to one of outrage. You know why. Levi looks to the two Scouts in front of him, disbelief clouding his mind, and irritation striking the back of his head sharply. He had saved Eren over and over, and every time, more of his comrades had died. All because he believed he was the hope of humanity. You watch as Levi grasps his raven hair tightly, as his dark thoughts swirl in his head. ‘This is where my beliefs got me. It's like some awful joke. What the hell was the hope that we saw? All that struggle for a farce like this’. You can do nothing but look down on your own defeat. You had all lost so much to save and allow Eren to survive all this time, for him to be fed to another anyway... 

"Such bullshit. It's not even funny." Levi's voice is lower than you have ever heard, more tinted with rage than ever before. "There's another shithead we should have eaten." The Scouts in front of you look confused as they turn to the tormented look on the Captain's face. "What do you mean," they ask eyes darting between the two of you. "We'll give the Beast to someone else," Levi says as he removes his hand from where it had been gripping tightly to his hair. "We'll make one of the Jaegerists into a Titan and have them eat Zeke... I can't tell if he's manipulating Eren, but their party's over if they lose Zeke. Go tell that to Pyxis, got it?" The Scouts in front of you stutter in complete surprise. "Y-You're serious, Captain?" They ask as they look to Levi who stares back with grave intent within his sharp eyes. "The old man will come around once I chop Zeke's limbs off," he replies. He then takes off on his ODM gear to the floor and slowly approaches Zeke. 

You let out a deep sigh and turn to the two Scouts still in front of you, dismissing them as they nod and retreat to the floor back to their horses. You sit on the branch of the tree looking down at the sight of Levi having a quiet exchange with the man you know he despises. 

"Enjoying your book?" 

"I am, for one who's read it seven times." 

"You've been eavesdropping more than reading." 

"Can you blame me when I've read it this much? By the way, Is there any wine left?" 

"Not a single drop left. We've been here a month." 

"Good grief. You sure know how to torture someone." 

"Just read your book." 

"Roger that." 

You suppress the roll of your eyes at such a seemingly bland conversation, wondering if the two ever exchanged words that surpassed that of benign small talk. You lean your head against the trunk of the tree, looking past the forest and watching the way the sun begins to slowly fall once more beneath the ground. You then look up and around you. You have thirty fully armed soldiers waiting in the forest among the trees, some resting in hammocks, some training wildly, some simply sitting and waiting. You know that no matter what Pyxis says, Levi will chop up Zeke and disregard the initial plan to feed him to Historia. We have Thunder Spears and ODM gear that works brilliantly with the help of the giant trees. If Zeke were to escape it would have to be by some sort of miracle. We know now for certain that Zeke was indeed our enemy, working with Eren on a plan you could not decipher, Levi wouldn't show mercy. He would finally be able to fulfil the promise he made to Erwin four years ago, finally be able to put worth in his and his comrade's deaths. You lose yourself in your thoughts... until you're brought back to reality.

Suddenly, there is a deathly silence in the air. 

Suddenly, your thoughts are no longer optimistic. 

Suddenly, the roaring voice of a man comes from below you. 

You look down, only for Levi to freeze as he looks to Zeke's form that's running... away? 

Then, glowing lights blind your vision. 

Clouds of dirt and dust reach the air as you watch your comrades fall from the trees around you, only they are no longer human but... Titans. Your heart thrums against your chest as you quickly stand to your feet, stabilising yourself before using your ODM gear to dodge the prying hand of a Titan that reaches towards you. You fly through the air looking desperately for Levi but you have to dodge once more as a Titan reaches out to you. Your eyes are grim, your lungs constricting under your confusion. ‘What... What's happening’ And then, you remember. You remember how the Scouts had drunk the Marleyan wine throughout the past month, you and Levi allowing them to. ‘Did they have Zeke's spinal fluid in them?’  You remember frantically the words Zeke had spoken to you all during the month of your stay; how he can use his spinal fluid to turn humans into Titans and control them... an advantage of being a Titan with royal blood. But he must have lied when he said that you freeze when you consume it... all to distract you from the fact that you watched in front of your very eyes as your Scouts did. 

"[Y/N]!!"

The yell of Levi's voice finally makes its way through the air as you search frantically for him. "LEVI!!" You call out, hoping he's okay, needing to get to Zeke, not wanting to kill your comrades no matter if they were lost to you as Titans. Then, you finally see him in a flash of raven hair. Levi was dodging Titans at a high speed as he tried to escape one's clutches. The Titans had started to climb the trees, their movements fast and controlled, likely Zeke's doing once again. You continue as well, only seeing a quick flicker of relief in your partner's eyes as he sees you still alive. You turn through the air, not knowing what to do. Every face of a Titan holds remnants of the Scouts you had trained and grown to care for. ‘Were they still there?’  You wonder, looking at their Titan forms.

But you know they aren't. 

You watch as a Titan goes to grab Levi as you fly through the air. He had lost so much; you wouldn't allow him to kill his comrades... You let out a yell before turning, and in one second, four Titans, including the one that had been pursuing Levi fell to the ground, steaming and dead. Levi looks up to you complete dread and torment on his face, no doubt blaming himself once again for the predicament. You use a brief lack of pursuing Titans to go to him quickly, grabbing his shoulder and shaking him out of it. "Levi!!" You yell out as he meets your gaze. "You go!! Get Zeke!! I'll hold them off!!" Levi starts to slowly shake his head, the same look of anguish on his face. "No!! I'm not leaving you here!" You turn quickly, slicing through another Titan that has caught up to the both of you.

"We don't have any time," you say softly, "please Levi..." 

He looks to you, seemingly having shaken out of it as he readies his ODM gear reluctantly turning away with a grim expression on his face. "Don't die." With his words, he's gone and you are left with dozens of Titans around you, but you'd have to work fast to keep the majority from pursuing Levi, and so you fight. You slice through so many Titans you are barely even able to recognise their nape from their face. You speed through the air like you are the wind, guilt and grief filling you along with rage. Hot blood falls from the sky at your rampage, it falls onto your face and seeps into the swords that you use. The hands that reach out to you fall limply in a matter of seconds, and the Titan's wild smiles turn lifeless at your pursuit, all the while you try to separate the image of your smiling comrades from them. It's only about a minute, but it feels like a lifetime by the time you reach the ground once more. 

Steam rises in the air almost clouding your vision at the sheer number of Titans that wither with the falling sun. You pant heavily groaning as you sit down amid the destruction. You look to the darkening sky and trying to stop the tears that seem to flow down your face. 

..... 

When Levi finds you once more, he has Zeke's withered form in his grasp, and you have attached [h/n] and Levi's horse to a cart with a few supplies. He drops Zeke carelessly onto the cart before rushing to your side and you embrace him, hiding your face into his chest, glad he was okay. He pulls you into a soft, warm kiss, his relief filling him and your hearts thrumming before he pulls away. He looks behind you to where the Titans you killed fade in the dying sun. The both of you have grim faces as you mount your horse, Levi mounting his. Neither of you has the heart to offer comfort beyond the other's presence as you ride silently away from the giant trees. 

..... 

The following day arrives but the sun is not visible in the overcast day. Heavy rain pours onto you and Levi as your faces hide under the little shelter your capes provide. Zeke had regained consciousness but still cried out periodically in pain, barely noticeable over the continuous blow of the wind. A thunder spear impaled his lower abdomen, a wire around his neck attached to the Thunder Spear Fuse. Wounds littered his form and his burns slowly healed, remnants of Levi's torturous methods on the man. Sick and blood littered on the cart slowly washed away. You felt no sympathy for Zeke's form nor his blatant agony. Not after toying with the lives of your subordinates so amusedly; not after forcing you and Levi to witness and cause further losses once again.  There is silence beyond the horrid weather as you and Levi move forward atop your horses barely minding the man on the cart behind you, not until his muttering reaches the air.

"Our sole salvation... is Eldia's euthanization." 

You freeze as his words reach the air, heart thrumming to life after the many hours spent on the road. Euthanization? Your confusion mingled with your suddenly sharp senses as Levi spoke out dully from next to you. "You say something? Euthanization?" Levi barely turns to look at the man who had been muttering and crying deliriously for the past day. "You're about to find yourself in a Titan's mouth, listening to what it sounds like to be digested." Levi suddenly pulls the reins of his horse forcing him to a stop, and you do the same, gently pulling on [h/n] and mimicking his motion. You turn slightly to see the dark expression hidden under Levi's soaked cape, he then gets off his horse and jumps swiftly onto the cart where the man he despised lies, glaring down to him. "Compared to how you stole the lives of our comrades, it sounds like a pleasant way to die." 

You watch from atop [h/n] as steam rises from Zeke's still-open wounds and his barely visible eyes struggle to remain open. "I didn't steal... I saved lives." The blond-haired man replied slowly and sluggishly. "The lives of the children they would bear... from this cruel world."  Levi's expression doesn't change, if at all it becomes more deadly, as he listens but hardly minds the man's words. He unsheathes his sword as he speaks sharply. "Looks like your legs are growing back." But Zeke's eyes suddenly open widely a look of grim fear and untamed emotion upon his face as he barely listens nor looks to Levi. Your heart suddenly drops in dread as the man shouts out helplessly into the air. "Isn't that right... Mr. Ksaver?! I hope you're watching!" Your heart beats uncontrollably as you witness with wide eyes as Zeke suddenly moves wildly and desperately atop the cart. 

One moment passes. 

Your eyes watch as his movements release the trigger of the Thunder Spear impaled within him. You watch as Levi's suddenly fearful and wide gaze darts from the man to you. You go to move towards Levi, hoping your speed would allow just one miracle... just allow you to save him... the life of the man you love... please... But as you flash forward you feel the usual comforting arms of the man you married harshly and powerfully push you away. 

There is a deafening blast. 

Fire consumes your vision as you lose sight of Levi who is engulfed in the flame. The shock hits you harshly and you feel yourself pound against the ground when you make an impact. 

Your vision goes black. 

_____

[Chapter Twenty-Nine] <--> [Chapter Thirty-One]

Tags: @batboygirlie

[pinktsukki]

i have yeager brainrot *⁠.⁠✧

can't stop thinking about the brothers having a normal family with a (not really) wholesome life in a modern au! thingie so headcanons !

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

★ I don't think Dina should be 💀 (too sad can't have that) Grisha divorced her cause it didn't work and later met Carla and they fell in love <3

★ I just want Carla to adopt Zeke and be the mom he deserves!!!

★ Grisha and Carla would often be busy working so Tom Ksaver a really nice neighbor would offer to babysit Zeke, playing baseball with him and all that.

★Then Carla gets pregnant with Eren! just imagine the excitement in Zeke finding out he would have a brother, he would say something like "i'll teach him how to play baseball and I'll take care of him!!" baby 😭

★ I don't think Grisha would be the best of a father though (here comes the angst) ofc it wouldn't be THAT bad as it is in the canon but daddy issues give the yeager's character so I can't that away from them (at least i gave them a mom)

★ Since Eren was now born Grisha was the only one Working and having to bring more money to home so he was away a lot for the most part of his kids childhood and things started to get rocky as soon as Zeke was a teen

★ And maaaaybe it was because Grisha paid more attention to Eren in some ways since he was little.

★ I just imagine Grisha as one of those parents that are there but not emotionally involved with their kid, pays for stuff, although forgets about birthdays and special events (self indulgence moment) It's not that he doesn't love his kids but it feels like it sometimes.

★ Zeke's relationship with Carla wouldn't be bad but he would think that she loves more Eren since he's her biological son, although Carla would make everything what's on her hand to not make Zeke feel like that, she doesn't feel that way towards him either.

★ The brothers grew up close but as Zeke started to get older he distanced a little from his family, and poor baby (now a kid) Eren would knock on Zeke's door just wanting to play with his big bro while he's just in bed being an annoyed teenager tossing a ball towards the ceiling and then catching it with one hand.

★ He grew up playing baseball in a local team then dropped it as a teen.

★ He probably started smoking around this age too (16 or so) to fit more into the rebellious teenager persona.

★ However he wouldn't give that much of hard time, he would do great in school and would try to avoid conflict, inside of him he would just want to make his dad proud just to hear a "good job" from him, even a hug.

★ On the other side i think the real trouble would be Eren.

★ Coming back to Grisha not being the best dad, things would repeat and as Eren grew up he would get less involved with his kid.

★ But Eren wouldn't be like his brother at all, he would fight back, get into arguments with his family regularly, skip classes, fail them even, the overall rebellious teen thingy, i don't think it would be soooo bad, just his parents trying to explain that he is doing things wrong but him not listening and making a scene and complaining about them not letting him be free!!!.

★ Grisha and Carla would give up at some point letting Eren do his thing, that would usually be playing games ,spend time with with friends and smoke 🍃

★ Once in a while he would feel bad about his behavior mostly because of his mom, he knows his father being an asshole sometimes is not her fault, and he would go silently to apologize to her and be a mama's boy.

★ Carla would hug him and tell him that it's fine and that they love him nonetheless.

★ With his conscience clear he would roll one up because he is convinced that he deserves it (this man??)

★ Armin and Mikasa being his childhood friends would try to keep him with his feet on the earth when they feel he's getting too lost.

★ Armin and Zeke would get along really great and the younger would see him as a fraternal figure too.

★ I imagine the relationship between Eren and Zeke like a totally realistic and healthy brother brother relationship, they can't stand each other but are best mates and love each other (i don't really know i don't have siblings)

★ Eren coming home from School just to tell Zeke to play some videogame have an amazing time then not talk for a week.

★ I also think they would smoke 🍃 together sometimes. Eren would be smoking in his room with towel at the bottom of the door, then he almost throws the joint out the window as he hears a knock on the door (he is not allowed to smoke inside ofc) but just as he hears Zeke's "it's just me" he relaxes and let's him in.

★ Zeke would ask for some puffs or something and they would end up on Eren's bed looking at the ceiling and getting sensitive and philosophical talking about ife, the only time they would actually show affection towards each other.

★ If Zeke asks for some puffs once in a while, Eren asks him for cigarettes constantly, and just to mix the 🍃 with.

★ Zeke is definitely more caring towards Eren overall (big bro thingies i guess)

★ They will totally team up against their dad A LOT and have each other's back. Grisha would be scolding Eren for something and Zeke would nonchalantly get into the argument to defend Eren just to piss his dad, and Eren would just be like "look! It's not my fault even Zeke says so!!!" and then Carla would scold all of them and it would actually work.

★ As they became adults they both started to look much more like grisha, especially Eren.

★ At first sight they don't really look like each other, but it's just because Zeke's beard, if he shaved it would actually be much more obvious that they are related.

★ Eren likes to annoy Zeke saying that maybe he would be the pretty sibling if he shaves.

★ Zeke would start working as a bartender or something like that to try and help bringing money at home but probably would try to achieve something bigger like resuming baseball to be a coach or something like that.

★ And i picture Eren taking whatever job his brother previously left or ending up as a dealer (it's funny to me okay?)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Sorry if this is kinda a mess! I'm not used to writing and putting my thoughts together like this and i feel like i can go on and on and on and forever about this so that's all <3

[richonnesbitch]

I really need them to go back on set and do a scene of Rick finding out Ezekiel kissed Michonne 😭

It being such a non factor to her I can imagine Michonne not saying anything -not because she is hiding it but truly she just aint thinking about it (also Rick is like always on her, she wouldnt even habe time to be thinking about any other man ok lol)- and Ezekiel being the one telling Rick. Like I can imagine him going to Rick to “address the elephant in the room“ and being all apologetic and really emphasizing that it wasnt that type of moment and obviously there was never anything going on bla bla bla And Rick just being there, confused af like, wtf are you talking about??? And Ezekiel being like, well when I kissed Michonne, I didnt mean to and I dont want it to be weird between us bla bla bla but still I just wanted to apologize to you for that bla bla bla And I just imagine Michonne being in the background somewhere and just seeing Rick do the head tilt at Ezekiel and she would just *know* She would have to run at full speed to come save Ezekiel before her husband completeley snaps 😂 I hope Judith and RJ enjoyed all their time with Uncle Zeke until now cause they wont be seeing him anymore 😂

There's just something so funny to me about Michonne forgetting her kiss with Ezekiel immediately after it happened. She has one man on her mind and one man only lmao

[jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd]

Can you do aot boys reaction to reader cheating

✩ attack on titan boys finding out you cheated ✩

✩ modern au ✩

eren jaeger is heartbroken but he's mostly pissed. he's pissed you'd do something like that, pissed somebody else had their hands on you and pissed he wasted his time. you'd be straight up dead to him and blocked on everything.

armin arlert is a wreck. he shuts down completely and isolates himself from everybody, including his best friends. he lies awake at night, begging for his pain to be alleviated. he vows to never fall in love again but him being the man he is, he does.

jean kirstein acts like he doesn't care and is cold-hearted when he dumps you. jean doesn't cry, he convinces himself that it never mattered and he'd rather be alone anyway. he goes out and sleeps with other people, trying to erase the memory of you. it ultimately doesn't work and all the other girls get tossed to the curb.

connie springer just sobs. he cries for days on end and nobody is able to console him. he starts neglecting himself. connie forgets to eat, to shower. all he does is sleep and think about you, everything else is forgotten.

reiner braun is devastated. he's entirely torn up inside. his eyes are bloodshot for weeks. he hardly eats, only picking here and there. his friends are worried for him but they're also tired of him; he only talks about you and what you've done to him. he'd do anything for you to come home.

bertholdt hoover goes numb. he can't cry, he can't yell. there's nothing that he can do except breathe. he knows he can't live in pity forever so he gathers the courage to better himself. he returns all of your things and tries to remove you from his life.

zeke jaeger goes missing for a few days. when eren decides to check on him, he finds him lying on the couch in a dark room, surrounded by piles of used tissues. his face is dry and stained with salty tears. his phone is still on, it's a picture of you. he won't give up on you.

levi ackerman is deeply offended and mortally wounded. he's the type of isolate for a few days to spend his grief in peace. after he's let everything out, he returns to the real world. he doesn't bring you up in conversation and quickly changes the subject if you're brought up. you're dead to him and he doesn't have the time for you anymore. he's not to be made a fool of.

erwin smith is more stressed than anything. of course, he's sad but the idea of living a life without you is so deeply uncomfortable for him to imagine. he can't believe that its real and that he's going to have to navigate this world without you, because you chose to fuck it all up.

porco galliard doesn't really catch your drift. he understands that you cheated but he insists that you can't leave him. he wants this to work, he needs you. he's willing to overlook it. honestly, he's a little pathetic about it all.

my jean fanfic

my ko-fi

[pisspope]

anyway I have devoted too much of my brain power to that scene in s4 where zeke finds out that grisha was alive and birthed eren and he has his head in his hands by himself in his room. knowing that eren has the attack titan and the founder, knowing (or thinking he knows) that another child has been doomed to the same fate as him by the same man. thinking he was noble or just when he turned his dad into the police, thinking he had committed the sin of patricide for the greater good only to find out that he lived and did it all over again. not only finding out that his dad lived through his betrayal but that his little brother had to be the one to kill him. zeke having spent years sick with guilt over murdering grisha only to find out he had failed and all those feelings were wasted, wracked with a sort of jealousy that it wasn't him that landed the final blow. what a complex emotion to reckon with, to find out your abuser lived and did it again after everything you had done to prevent it. "I'll be back to save you someday." imagine being so cringefail that every thing you strive for either fails or is ripped from you by someone else. Like there's doomed by the narrative and then there's being just screwed by it at every opportunity. lmao what a sad strange little man

[totaldrama-showdowns]

Unused Submissions for the Favorite Rivalry Showdown!

justin and trent

please im so tired of seeing fluffy ship art of them THEY DO NOT LIKE EACH OTHER

justin literally got him eliminated i cant imagine they had a good relationship after action

"one time justin threw a tambourine at me and that kinda hurt >:|"

THE GUITAR SNATCH AND GLARE IN CELEBRITY MANHUNT

you know they had the nastiest most jawdropping arguments in the recording room during drama brothers recording sessions

uhh yeah they hate each other they should get to fight to the death as a treat

Alejandro and duncan

they're perfect

Scax

is this a rivalry? idk

Dave vs Leonard

IT'S ME! I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU! NOW PICK UP THE PIG!

Lindsay vs Courtney

it was brief but it was enjoyable

Izzy and Justin

They're sooo funny, especially cause they're exes

Julia vs Priya

I don’t actually think this is the best one I’m just putting it here because we need more reboot characters in this bracket

Whatever Lindsay and Beth had with Heather after Island

you go girls

Geoff and Trent

hockey bros vs birds

why do they get beat up by birds so frequently

Dawn and Scott

Ok sure they lasted for two scenes but THEY COULD'VE BEEN SUCH GOOD RIVALS MAN

Julia vs Every Other TD '23 Blonde

Nominating this because I think it's funny

Julia and Caleb

I don’t actually gaf about them but i like when julia hit him with a frying pan or something

the roti writers and gen 2 female characters

they did them so dirty :(

bowie vs straight people

he's seen enough

chris vs blaineley

divorced enemies sweep

lightning vs cameron

it was ooc but it kinda slayed

Chris and Sierra

The New York episode. Please Chris should've been a hater the whole season and Sierra wouldn't notice it would be funny. See my vision

Ezekiel Vs Death

I just know Death keeps snapping those bony fingers any time Ezekiel escapes death

Emma and Julia

white on white violence

Terry and Chref

We saw that tweet

Mal and Julia

Mal plays the game really well and Julia's getting insecure. But I have faith Julia will triumph

Marmaduke and Garfield

I love tti

Me vs Blaineley

We are currently fighting over who gets 2 date Kelly (I'm winning)

larry v chef

chef’s gotta defend his man what can I say

Everyone (- Priya) Vs Caleb

He literally has no friends.

priya's personality versus the writers

season 2. need I say more?

Heather Vs Blaineley

I cannot tell you how funny it is that Blaineley turned up to the TD jumbo jet and chose violence against a girl half her age

Ezekiel and Chris

demolish that monster zeke

Sky vs Dave

He tried to kill her I think this counts as a rivalry at least a little bit

Damien vs Millie

Yeah! The finish line!

Duncney

toxic yaoi

Noah anf Harold

autism on autism violence and we love that

do alejandro and noah count,,, if not im voting leshawna and heather

brainrot says so

jasmine and shawn

just being a hater here, they were much more tolerable (but still crappy) when she hated him over them being a couple

dramarama ella and dramarama max

why couldnt this be their dynamic in the canon show

Damien & Julia

WE WERE ROBBED OF THEM!!!!

MK vs the bear

They literally fought in a duel together

Geoff/Bridgette and blaineley

Ma'am that's a child. Leave him by

Mal Vs Duncan

They suck I hope they get in so they're elimination fodder so someone else can go forward easily.

alejandro puppet and heather

1984

Wayne and me

I hate you little white boy! Get a job

[totalswagisland]

Zeke headcanonsssssss

ahh... Five nights at zekeys....

full name: ezekiel abraham neumann (haha get it. neumann. new man. new guy)

i imagine he's an only child. he kind of just gives me those vibes.

i think he and beth became friends after she got eliminated in island, and remained fairly close (her lindsay and zeke were such an interesting trio) i always wish they did a little more with them both being farm kids... especially with their shared poor social skills

this isn't a headcanon but zekes responses to the world tour interviews are really fucking concerning. the kid doesn't know subways are real, says he doesn't have a favorite childhood memory ("had some goodies, but no besties"), and that hes not allowed to watch movies. total drama stop presenting fucked up implications and not expanding on them challenge

[aaakikoo]

who i think fits best w aot character except im brutally honest and lowk idc

an -> this is low effort asf but honestly i just wanna yap. some ppl might disagree or be pissed but that’s okay.

another an -> spoilers, probs some typos.

another another an -> this is just my opinions for now, they might change into the future idk.

including: eren, floch, zeke, erwin, hange, ymir, bertholdt, historia, reiner, hitch, mikasa, sasha, niccolo, levi, connie, jean, annie, armin.

eren jeager:

mikasa and mikasa only. i mean to start off he canonically had feelings for her so that’s a plus. in addition to the fact that he saved her which is yk good and regardless if he liked her or not.

them spending their childhood together with erens parents, growing up together, sticking next to each other.

even during the marley arc she still wanted him to come home. him telling her he hated her is kinda his way of trying to make her let go of him, so she wouldn’t be hurt when he leaves.

not to mention him crying like an idiot when armins threatens him with words.

eren giving her the gift of the alternate universe in the paths for 4 years as a “gift”.

besides all of these facts, him always keeping his promise to wrap her scarf around mikasa.

now to look away from the plot, they aesthetically fit each other so well. giving girlboss x househusband in my opinion.

or even a power couple both of them serving.

yeah, eren with ONLY mikasa i wouldn’t back down no matter what.

———

bertholdt hoover:

now…. don’t hate me……annie.

now if you had watched attack on titan junior high, you would know they had a little thing.

now if we stick to the main AU. similar to eren and mikasa, they grew out together on the same side, going to war together and facing consequences together.

now obviously in the main AU, annie wasn’t interested in him like he was. but the point i’m trying to make is that i cannot imagine anyone else with bertholdt other than annie, not that i cannot imagine with annie with anyone other than bertholdt, (read the title).

for me, if they were together they’d give off sunshine x grumpy vibes.

———

reiner braun:

no one 😭😭.

don’t even try to say historia maybe because hell naw. but i legit cannot see him with anyone from the AOT universe, he’s too much of a self confident man for anyone to approach him, even if he isn’t in reality.

for me reiner is like the friend everyone has, and everyone relies on, but seems like he doesn’t need anyone himself, like similar to his character in attack on titan, he does what he thinks is best and looks out for other people, may seem like he’s chilling by himself, but kinda isn’t. so none does anything about it.

(feel free to give suggestions here though lol)

(not if it’s historia)

———

hitch dreyse:

now there are two people here, one of them being marlow. like i COULD see them for together, yk?

both spending title together training and being in the military police etc.

she was even his last thought 😭😭😭. if i had to guess id probably say he would be most likely the one to like her rather than the opposite, but i could still kinda see them together.

secondly annie, now similar to bertholdt, i don’t see as annie being the one for hitch but kinda the opposite, like from hitchs POV i kinda could (again read the title if ur confused)

they had quite some screen time and lore and what not 💀. so why not.

———

ymir:

historia only. i don’t think we need to discuss this, only historia. canon that she liked her and even changed her, she also wanted historia to change, protected her and also gave her the best advice she could’ve ever given her.

not to mention the absolutely gut wrenching letter she gave her 💔💔💔💔💔.

don’t think we need to discuss this, very obvious that ymir liked historia.

———

erwin smith:

again, no one 😭😭😭.

so if anyone likes erwin here’s your chance.

lowkey similar to reiner i don’t think he’d appear like he needs anyone, yk erwin is a strong independent, influential person who holds a lot of power.

he could easily appear unapproachable. but at the same time i feel like unlike reiner, he doesn’t actually need anyone hed just prefer to have, in a sense that it would be nice, but he doesn’t need.

(no levi x erwin around here, i dislike it heavily)

———

hange zoe:

now another two ships right here.

one of them being moblit, so basically what i think is going on here is some sort of office love. throughout the show when moblit was alive he always cared for hange, helping her around her office, reminding her of stuff, pulling her away from the two titans she had captured in season 1 etc.

he stood up for her infront of the military police men and even died protecting her, causing hange to lose on of her eyes.

i’d like to believe that hange had some sort of appreciation and love towards moblit ofc, she talked about it to mikasa that over the years she had lost so many people when they were debating between armin and erwin.

again, moblit and hange is one of the good ships in my opinion it’s just not one of my favourite, in my opinion it makes sense and i could see it but that’s about it.

secondly, levi. now here it gets kinda interesting.

since the beginning of season 1 levi and hange were constantly at it, levi mocking and teasing her etc, ofc hange responding excitedly, again this is because of their interesting character and not much special.

however these two spent so much time together, trained together, and trained over; been through so much.

don’t even get me started when hange took care of levi when he was deeply injured in season 4, then losing eyes as well, they lost the eye the other person had?? (idk how to formulate it u get what i mean)

not to mention the fact that when hange suggested they spend their lives in the forest, levi didn’t deny the idea.

their relation makes me cry, levi and hange is def one of the good ships in my opinion!

(a little side note; this might sound super weird, but throughout the hange x levi rant, i was mostly imagining season 4 hange, season 1-2 at least hange and levi don’t give off couple vibes. b it after that it kinda does, i hope some people can understand what i mean)

———

floch foster:

nobody, i’m not a big fan of his character, and i cannot see him with anyone.

———

historia reiss:

ymir in my opinion.

now it’s not AS canon as ymir but i’d like to think that both ymir and historia changed each others ideologies and ways of living.

as in they both impacted each other.

historia was definitely mostly effected by ymir, the letter as i’ve mentioned, and her crying her add out reading it.

now we know historia is married with a child, ofc she loves the child so i’m not gonna bring her daughter into it.

but in my opinion she didn’t look particularly happy about marrying the farmer.

i’d like to think ymir and historia make sense, def one of my favourites.

queen x guard vibes lol

———

zeke jaeger:

i love zeke, his character, his backstory and his entire overall character, but i cannot imagine him with anyone.

———

mikasa ackerman:

now obviously eren, i’ll stand by eremika till the day i die, it’s all common sense that she loves eren to the point she took that crusty scarf with her to the grave. it’s no surprise, she loved him, he loves her, period.

but at the same time i could also see her with jean, not that i like the ship or anything, but i could see it, as in can imagine it.

it would sure be super unhealthy at the start, but i feel like they will grow to accept and love each other.

mikasa will definitely try to put her feelings for eren aside, which yet again, is very unfair to jean because he doesn’t deserve someone who treats him like a second option, but, he kinda already knows he is if im being honest.

i wouldn’t say their relationship/ marriage would be toxic or anything but it would be filled with sorrow, sadness, and overwhelming emotions and pain sometimes.

but to sum it up, i could see them together.

———

sasha braus:

as much as people love to ship her with niccolo which isn’t a bad ship in my opinion, i cannot see her with anyone 😭😭😭😭. idk why i rlly tried to, i can def see niccolo with her but not her with him, idk if that makes any sense i hope some people get what i mean.

i feel like she has a platonic friendship with most guys idk.!! as i said im not against niccolo and sasha i just don’t have it on my fav list…..

and i’m not saying this because i think she is unlovable.

i’m saying this because i don’t think she really prioritises stuff like that, i feel like her mentality would be, if it comes then it comes (i guess), but she wouldn’t really go out of her way if that makes sense.

———

niccolo:

sasha.

he likes her 😭. very canon.

and also helped him find meaning with life and his food.

———

levi ackerman:

mostly no one, because i feel like he would want to improve himself and focus on himself without caring for anyone’s because he still feels like they will leave him if he cares abojt them.

but i can also see him with hange :). i’m not repeating what i wrote basically the same as the hange x levi part.

———

connie springer:

he’s the same as sasha, if it comes it comes and he wouldn’t go out of his way.

none of them are unlovable they just don’t bother and are lazy.

———

jean kirschtein:

either no one. because he feels like before he can get someone he needs to improve mentally and physically and emotionally. he sometimes feels like he isn’t enough.

or mikasa. and again same as i wrote on the mikasa x jean part.

———

annie leonhardt:

kinda bertholdt, same as the bertholdt part.

not rlly with hitch i don’t think she liked hitch like that.

armin most likely. i mean it’s canon soooo….

they didn’t get a lot of screen time since she was crystallised for like 4 seasons but when they did it showed alot of emotion and feelings that armin was constantly visiting and talking to her.

and that she really wants him too. i kinda like armin x annie, but isn’t on my fav list lol….

———

armin arlert:

mostly annie, kinda also hard to imagine him with someone. (no mikasa x armin they’re platonic and best friends)

and (no eren x armin, they’re best friends)

but yeah mostly annie, as i said kinda hard because i feel he’s one of those who doesn’t actively seek relationships he’d rather let things unfold by themselves and if it’s his fate than so be it, kinda like sasha and connie but i feel like he would actually want a partner from time to time.

so yeah annie.

[alizha]

𝑰 𝑭𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒍𝒚 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒀𝒐𝒖 | 𝒁𝒆𝒌𝒆 𝒀𝒆𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 | 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝟓

Rating: E Word Count: 3,944 Tags: reader has a name but is not described, childhood friends, zeke yeager being an asshole, flashbacks, descriptions of war and mild injury, smoking, unprotected sex, choking

Summary: After nearly ten years, Zeke Yeager reconnects with you, an Eldian doctor assigned as his psychiatrist. As children, you were out of reach—two years older and the object of a youthful crush. Then, he became a Warrior, and the dynamic shifted. Now, as you navigate the complexities of your new professional relationship, where do you stand? Who holds the power in this tug of war?

previous chapter | next chapter | masterlist | cross posted to ao3

Chapter 5 : Zeke

Now

There’s triumph coursing through his veins when Zeke steps into the next camp with his unit. It used to be that they could bring a nation to its knees with only a handful of Warriors. Now, it takes months of relentless strategy and bloody scrapes. Still, his unit’s victory by the coast had been a much-needed turn early in the war.

His eyes scan the trench-laden encampment, noting the worn-out soldiers and the steady, grim routine of medics tending to the wounded. The atmosphere here is one he’s familiar with. It’s the atmosphere of a camp of expendable Eldian soldiers sent to hold down the front until the Warriors arrive. Here, victory feels thin—just barely stretched over the battered remnants left in the wake of destruction.

Their Marleyan escort drones on about the front’s current conditions, his voice muffled by the sounds of strained breathing, moans, and the occasional barked order. Zeke’s thoughts drift, gears already turning about how his forces can take advantage of this new position, when a familiar face catches his attention.

There, by the edge of the trench. You're hunched over a wounded soldier, your hands deftly working to bind his arm. Mud smears your face, your uniform, and the white band around your arm, a few stray hairs clinging to the filth on your brow. Zeke’s steps slow to a halt. He didn’t know you’d been drafted—hadn’t even considered the possibility that you might be here, in the thick of it.

You finish bandaging the man and pat his shoulder gently, offering a brief word of reassurance before moving away. Zeke doesn’t let his gaze linger too long, but when you straighten and glance in his direction, your eyes widen. You acknowledge him with a curt nod and, after a quick word to one of your fellow medics, step away from the immediate chaos to meet him.

“Captain Yeager,” you say steadily, coming to stand an appropriate distance in front of him. Your exhaustion is painfully clear on your face, but you’re calm, collected—still every bit you, even when layered in grime and weariness. “It’s about time you showed up.”

Zeke keeps his expression composed, though his pulse jumps like he’s broken out into a sprint. His relief at his prior victory fades as he registers the dark circles shadowing your eyes. War isn’t meant for people like you. Before now, he’d held onto a quiet hope that your skills would place you somewhere safer, away from the brutality of the front lines.

He’d told you, warned you as much, that there would be consequences for his failure on Paradis. But as much as he hadn’t wanted to see you here, now that you are, he can’t help but scheme up ways to make the most of your presence.

“Didn’t realize you’d be among the welcoming party, Dr. Faust,” he says, trying for a lightness that falls a little bit flat.

“I’m full of surprises,” you say, tilting your head, the barest flicker of a smile crossing your lips. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Too long,” Zeke murmurs, almost without thinking.

He hasn’t seen you since before the war started about a year ago. You’d cleared him for duty—you hadn’t let him touch you inside your office again—and he’d been sent out with the first wave of forces, never imagining you’d be following close behind. But he can’t deny the comfort your presence stirs in him. He lowers his voice, glancing casually around to make sure no one’s listening.

“Are you stationed here for a while?”

“For the foreseeable future,” you reply, the corners of your mouth tightening slightly. “Not all of us get to move camp to camp like you.”

Zeke chuckles softly. “Right.”

Your gaze softens slightly, but you straighten. Like you’re reminding yourself you’re on opposite sides of a line you can’t cross out in the open here. “Is there anything you need from the medics, Captain? If not, I should probably get back to it.”

“Actually, I was hoping we could share a smoke. Tonight?”

You frown, quickly comprehending his meaning. Your eyes dart over his shoulder. “Zeke,” you whisper, “you know that’s not a good idea.”

“Please,” he says, just loud enough for you to hear. Zeke isn’t used to admitting need, but he can’t bring himself to play his usual games with you here, now. Not when he can already feel his blood running hot in his veins. “We can be quick. Find a quiet place.”

Your expression falters, but there’s a hint of a fire in your eyes betraying your own desire. You draw in a breath of stale air, let it quiver out of you, and finally nod, barely perceptible. “Fine. But it’ll be quick . Easternmost storage bunker in the support trenches.”

You step back, gathering yourself before turning. And then, you’re gone, slipping back into the fray with barely a backward glance. Zeke exhales, allowing himself a brief moment. Whatever else waits for him, he knows he could make it another year of this war if you’re waiting for him tonight.

He lets himself slip into the motions of setting up at a new camp, keeping his due attention on the usual formalities. The Marleyan commanding officers, all eager for a decisive victory, barrage his unit with their plans, numbers, and hopes that the arrival of the Warriors will finally turn the tides of this unending struggle. Zeke listens with measured interest, giving them what they need to hear whenever necessary.

As soon as they’re dismissed, Zeke makes his excuses. Pieck and Galliard are already distracted, and Reiner barely shrugs. He leaves them and makes his way through the encampment, careful to avoid drawing attention, which is easier to do in the dark where his red armband sticks out a little less.

The agreed-upon storage bunker is set back from the main camp, tucked between empty traverses and firing nests. Once inside, he settles in a shadowed corner, lights up a cigarette, and waits, feeling the day’s tension unwind with each exhale of smoke. After what feels like an eternity, he hears soft footsteps outside.

The door creaks open, and you slip in, closing it quietly behind you. You don’t look any better or worse in the dim light than you did earlier that day, but there’s relief in your expression, as if you’d been holding your breath until you could escape here. Your shoulders relax as you glance at him, offering a slight smile.

“The Boy Wonder in a bunker with a cigarette. Should I be surprised?”

Zeke smirks, taking another drag. “You look like you could use one yourself.”

You raise an eyebrow, but your gaze lingers on the cigarette between his fingers. “Maybe so. Not sure I’d survive it, though.”

You sink down against the wall across from him, pulling your knees up and resting your arms around them. The bunker is small enough that when he mirrors you, lowering himself to the ground, the toes of your boots touch. Zeke offers the cigarette to you with a playful shrug, and you laugh softly, shaking your head.

“It’s tempting, but I don’t think a coughing fit is what I need right now.”

He takes another drag, eyeing you with quiet amusement. “What do you need?”

“I think you know. It’s why you invited me, isn’t it?” You’re already leaning forward, crawling in between his legs. “Can I have it?”

There’s not really any time for playing coy or for dragging this out, so Zeke just nods and puts out his cigarette. There’s no time to wrestle for control, to wrench off your boots or strip out of your uniforms. In the space of about a minute, his cock is hard and jutting out from between the flaps of his trousers, and you’ve got your bottoms shoved down as far as they’ll go before being stopped by the obstacle of your footwear.

Zeke loops your fettered legs around his and hoists you up against the wall. You cling to his shoulders, ankles crossed at his lower back, welcoming the hot press of his mouth against yours. He’s got just enough mental faculty left to slide one hand to your pussy to check if you’re ready for him and fuck , you’re dripping.

Maybe it’s the novelty of a quick fuck in the bunkers or the excitement that you could be caught at any moment. Or maybe, and he prefers this scenario, it’s just that you haven’t seen him in a year, give or take, and you’re hungry for him. Either way, when he takes himself in hand and guides his dick to your entrance, he slides in easily like he was always meant to be there.

You groan together as his hips seal against yours, and Zeke takes a moment to bask in the tight heat of you. Then, he’s fucking you, his pace fevered and hard because there’s no time for soft and slow. His hand settles just above where he’s stretching you wide to rub precise circles into your clit, and his lips brush against yours. The small space fills with the filthy sounds of skin and fabric slapping together and your breathy moans muffled against each other’s mouths.

“Fuck,” you whimper, the slant of your brows pleading. “Zeke, I need more. I need—,”

You choke off into a gasp and dig your heels into his ass.

“What is it? I can’t give it to you unless you ask,” he says, his voice all gravel.

Your fingers dislodge themselves from his shoulder. You flex them stiffly and take his hand, the one playing with your clit, bringing it up to your throat. Zeke swallows thickly, the silent instruction thrilling up and down his spine like a shock of lightning.

He takes the hint and squeezes around the sides of your neck, lightly at first, then a little tighter. You whine and replace your own hand between your legs. With his hand around your throat, a few well-placed thrusts and swirls of your fingers on your clit are all it takes for you to arch against him, mouth gasping for air.

You’re clenching around him hard, and Zeke lets himself get swept away. He slams his eyes shut, lets out a guttural groan, and spills himself inside you as his hips twitch a few more times. Zeke lingers, leaning his brow against yours for a while as he comes down, the rush of his blood a roar in his ears. When you finally shove at him, he carefully sets you down.

Afterwards, that’s when you accept a smoke when it’s offered to you. The two of you fix your clothes and sit, side by side against the wall this time, and pass a cigarette back and forth in silence. Zeke steals glances out of the corner of his eye at the hint of a bruise just below your jaw. Their little corner of the camp is filled with the scent of bitter smoke and sex.

Eventually, you mash out the cigarette butt and stand, brushing yourself off, no doubt preparing to step back into the harsh reality beyond the quiet bunker. Zeke follows suit, watching as you smooth down your uniform—the attempt would be humorous in any other setting, considering how far gone it is.

“Well,” you say briskly, “glad we were able to… ‘catch up’, Captain. See you around, I guess.”

“Same time tomorrow?” Zeke counters smoothly.

Your brow lifts skeptically. “You know, if anyone sees us, they’ll get ideas.”

Zeke inclines his head, adjusting his glasses. “We’re just two comrades, unwinding after a long day. Nothing suspicious about that, right?”

“Right. Just two comrades sharing a clandestine fuck and a smoke in an empty bunker,” you say mockingly.

“Sounds harmless when you put it like that,” he says, shrugging.

You hesitate and visibly stifle a smile. “ One more cigarette,” you relent finally. “Tomorrow, same time. After that, we’re back to being… professional.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” Zeke replies with a grin.

➴

The next night’s cigarette also comes at the heels of orgasm. Zeke doesn’t bother lighting one up until after you’re both sweaty and panting and rearranging the clasps on your uniforms. He takes you against the wall again, this time with you facing away to avoid the tangle of your bottoms around your boots.

You don’t need to ask for him to wrap his fingers around your throat. He does it without prompting, applying careful pressure, conscious of the bruises that are just starting to fade. The other benefit of the position is that it frees his other hand to toy with your clit. He’s not sure if you’re both just pent-up, stressed from the near-constant gunfire above, but you’re both shuddering and groaning together in what seems like no time at all.

When he slides down to join you on the ground and passes you the cigarette after your uniforms are back on properly, you take it without hesitation and lean your head against his shoulder.

“Forgot to ask if you were still on the contraceptives,” he muses softly.

“Please,” you scoff, taking a long drag. “Wouldn’t have let you anywhere near me if I wasn’t.”

Despite your initial protests, you’re getting good at dealing with the smoke. Zeke wonders if you shares cigarettes with the other medics in your unit.

“How long have they had you out here?”

“Since the second wave,” you say. “They told us we’d be patching up minor wounds. ‘It’ll be basic fieldwork, you’ll be supporting the front lines from a safe distance,’ they said.” You give a dry laugh. “Didn’t take long for that to change.”

“They threw you right into it, didn’t they,” he says, frowning. “You’re too… I mean, you weren’t supposed to end up here.”

You meet his gaze. “You don’t think I can handle it?”

“It’s not that. It’s just, out here,” he pauses, gesturing vaguely, “this is where I’m supposed to be. Not you.”

At that, you sigh through your nose and summon a weary smile. Zeke watches you closely, the orange glow of his cigarette flickering between you. You may be a fighter, but you’re not like the Scouts of Paradis, who fling themselves into battle with idealism or desperation, like their lives are cheap.

No, you fight out of necessity, grounded by a sense of duty that’s tempered with pragmatism. You’re a realist, like him, and the knowledge reassures him somehow. And yet, he can’t shake the feeling that you don’t belong in this bleakness. Even if you handle it with your characteristic resilience, you’re meant for more than patching up wounds in some muddy war camp.

There’s a sudden tug in his chest, a pull toward you that he’s tried to ignore since he first showed up at your office door. The feelings he’d buried years ago, surfacing again, threading through his being with something new—a sense of urgency, maybe even purpose. For the first time, Zeke wonders if you might actually understand what he’s been planning, or at least why he’s driven to end the cycle of suffering for your people. And it’s the closest he’s come to wanting to tell anyone who isn’t his family or necessary to the cause.

But he tucks the realization away. For another time, he tells himself. The right time.

➴ ➴ ➴

Despite your insistence, the nights stretch on, one meeting turning into another and then another, anytime you’re both able to steal away. In the darkened quiet of the bunker, Zeke finds himself looking forward to your quick and dirty sessions with a fervor that surprises him.

There’s a simplicity to it. No politics, no strategy. Just the two of you tangled together, a mess of limbs, baring only the scantest amount of skin necessary to get the job done until you’re both breathing raggedly against each other and coming undone. Then, on most occasions, a shared smoke as you drift back down to earth as you exchange words about nothing in particular. The war seems to retreat in these hours, leaving you both a small space in which to exist just as you are.

But inevitably, someone notices, and Zeke thinks he honestly should have been prepared for it. One evening, as he makes his way back through the support trenches, Pieck catches him. She’s in her Cart Titan form, as she’s been in for weeks, crouched near a stack of ammunition crates. Her sharp eyes glint in the low light as she regards him steadily.

“Out for a stroll again, Zeke?” she asks, her familiar Titan voice muffled but tinged with amusement.

Zeke casually adjusts the collar of his uniform. “Can’t a man stretch his legs after a long day?”

A soft rumble of a chuckle vibrates from her throat. “Of course. But so often? And alone?” Her massive eyes narrow. “Or maybe, you’re not alone.”

Zeke’s lips tug into a dry smile. He plays it off easily, of course. “Well, it seems the jig is up. I was wondering when you’d catch on, Pieck. Always were the sharpest of the bunch.”

Her eyes glimmer with playful suspicion as she tilts her elongated head. “I’m flattered, but now you’ve got me wondering. What could possibly lure Zeke Yeager out so late, night after night?”

“Maybe I’ve developed a fondness for the quiet,” he chuckles, feigning innocence.

It’s clear Pieck is unconvinced, but she was always going to let it go if he played that card. She straightens and fixes him with that same unmoving smile. “Well, if that’s all it is, who am I to pry?”

She leaves him with a lingering look, ambling off through the trench. As Zeke watches her go, he can’t shake the feeling that Pieck has already pieced together far more than he intended. But he brushes off the thought. Whatever she suspects, he trusts her discretion—at least for now.

➴ ➴ ➴

A month and a half after the Warrior unit’s arrival, their relentless push finally shatters the enemy’s artillery line, allowing the Marleyan forces to surge forward. For the first time in weeks, the fog of battle clears, revealing a war-torn landscape littered with scattered gear and battered trenches. It takes ages for the smoke to clear, but the military is given no time to breathe.

The camp is anything but peaceful in the aftermath of their hard-won victory. Orders are barked out at every turn, soldiers hurrying to reposition, and medics are pulled in all directions to tend to the wounded and manage prisoners of war. Amid the chaos, Zeke’s unit receives their marching orders. They’re to be packed up and shipped off in short order to the next strategic post. He’s barely had a moment to blink before he and the other Warriors are being herded into transports, his mind racing as he searches for you among the throngs.

Finally, he spots you, kneeling by a patient, focused on rewrapping a crude bandage. The soldier you’re treating is a prisoner of war, a man from a foreign land, whose enemy is Marley but who glares at you like you’re a devil. You ignores the dirty looks, finishing your work swiftly and with heart-wrenching care, and stand, wiping your hands down the front of your muddied uniform. When you catch sight of Zeke approaching, your eyes widen in recognition—and understanding.

“They’re sending us out,” he says, disregarding the twist in his chest. “Orders just came in. Not sure when we’ll cross paths again.”

You nod, your eyes flicking down to your feet. “Same for us. We’re moving out, too.”

The two of you stand in silence for a moment as soldiers and medics hurry around you in an indifferent rush. Zeke’s fingers itch to reach out, to hold onto some part of you, even for just a second. But he knows better.

“Take care of yourself,” you say, glancing up at him again.

“You, too.” He gives you one last long look, committing every detail of your face to memory even though it’s the sappiest thing he’s ever done. “Until next time, then.”

You force a small smile that’s barely there and, with a quick nod, rush off to your next patient. And then, you’re gone, lost in the blur.

➴ ➴ ➴

Then

He does it without thinking, when he’s just turned sixteen. He’s caught up in the whirlwind, the panic of their diverging paths looming just ahead. It won’t be long now. The Beast Titan is all but his, and you've been accepted into medical school.

It takes more effort than Zeke cares to admit to be happy for you. And he can see the pity in your eyes when you look at him. Thirteen years is all he’ll have with the Beast, or less if he finds some way to mess it all up. Meanwhile, your future is waiting in the opposite direction, bright and promising.

You’ve been together leaning against the window sill in your small bedroom, the panes thrown wide open to let in the warm light, and the smell of roasted vegetables drifts in from the doorway to the hall. There’s something in your expression you can’t quite hide whenever he glances over at you that eats at him. Zeke knows you're too kind to say how you really feel out loud, but he can feel you pulling away, preparing yourself to move forward on your own.

So, he does it without thinking. He leans over as you turn to say something and presses his lips softly to yours.

The second it happens, he knows it was a mistake. You flinch, your face going stiff as you pull back with a startled expression in your eyes. There’s no hint of warmth, just shock. Maybe a flicker of disappointment. Zeke feels his stomach twist itself into knots, head flooding his face as he quickly looks away.

“Sorry,” he says. “Guess I got carried away.”

You shift uncomfortably. “It’s… fine. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Your voice is low, uncertain, and you don’t meet his gaze. You rub the back of your neck awkwardly, and he can feel the distance between them expanding. Like he’s accidentally burned whatever bridge they had left.

There’s guilt simmering in his chest, but it’s buried under the sting of sharp bitterness and rejection. He knows he shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve never indicated that you feel the same way for him that he feels for you. But actually seeing it, feeling it, is something else entirely.

Zeke traces the rooftops and narrow alleyways that lead to the street beyond with his gaze, anything to keep himself from glancing over at you again. If he looks at you now, he feels like he might shatter. You shift again out of the corner of his eye, like you’re trying to shrink away without making it obvious.

“Stella! Zeke!” your mother calls from the kitchen, her cheerful voice cutting through the tension. “Dinner’s ready!”

You straighten immediately. “We should go.”

You’re already halfway to the door, equally allergic to letting her gaze settle on him. Then, you leave him without waiting, there in the silence of your room, your footsteps light but hurried as you make your way down the hallway.

Zeke doesn’t move right away, forcing himself to steady his breathing. It’s not just the kiss, and it’s not just the Beast. It’s the promise he’s made to Dr. Xaver, the path he’s set for himself to be Eldia’s salvation. And he’s doing this, in part, for you, even though it’ll cost him this attachment.

This childish attachment that he’s clung to for almost five years. Perhaps, he thinks, it’s time to let it go.

[xotrashratxo]

Nerdy Prudes Must Die Quotebook

Comment any I missed LMAO

⚠️NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT⚠️

“I am only ONE MAN’s girl, and that man is JESUS CHRIST.” Grace Chastity

“SHUT UUUUUUPPPP.” Max Jagerman *Audience cackles* 

“THE ANSWER IS STILL NO….. by the way.” Max Jagerman

“RAAH” Max Jagerman and Grace Chastity

“the fucking BOW TIE KID???” Brenda the Cheerleader

“I know he’s RICH. But money isn’t everything! Looks are. “ Stacy the Cheerleader

“WAIFU MATERIAL” Richie Lipchitz

“SHE’S TOUCHING MEEE!! LUCKYYYY!” Ruth Fleming and Richie Lipchitz

“Woooow…. These toilets aren’t even in stalls! It’s better than I ever imagined!” Ruth Fleming

“Thats some cooool kid privilege right there.” Ruth Fleming OR Richie Lipchitz

“DESTROY HIM.” Grace Chastity

“God you suck, Grace.” Stephanie Lauter

“He’s made ALL OUR LIVES a living HECK.” Grace Chastity

“The most terrifying, HOTTEST bully in Hatchetfield” Grace Chastity

“BE COOL BEANS, KEEP THE BEANS COOL.” Grace Chastity

“We’ll fight sin with sin! Let the games begin!” ‘Nerdy Prudes’

“AM I READING AS GHOST OR LIN MANUEL MIRANDA” Peter Spankofvski

“YOU’RE FUCKING USLESS PETE.” (SO MANY PAUL REFERENCES.) Richie Lipchitz

“Ugh I gotta piss….” Max Jagerman

“Oh SHIT, where’s that creepy music coming from?” Max Jagerman

“Oh shit oh fuck it’s a fucking ghost!!!” Max Jagerman

“He thinks it’s real he’s just really fucking BRAVE.” Richie Lipchitz

“BOO HOO BITCH.” Max Jagerman

“I MAKE THE DEAD RUN IN FEAR! I AM GOD GOOOOO NIGHTHAWKS!” Max Jagerman

“Oh shit oh fuck I didn’t think there’d be a skele’in HERE!” Max Jagerman

“WOW… I uh… I thought you guys hated me. But uh, thanks! This was really great! No no no, this is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me!” Max Jagerman

“That was really special.” *bows* Max Jagerman

“And with MY luck, no one will even BOTHER making me their BITCH.” Ruth Fleming

“It was an act of god!” Grace Chastity

“Oh no she’s snapping again!” Richie Lipchitz

���Oh my asthmas back…” Richie Lipchitz

“I just cut off his nips.” Ruth Fleming FORESHADOWING??? 

“Steph, you can keep it. It would bring down my GPA.” Peter Spankofvski

“I’m tryna feel bad but it’s hard when everything is objectively better.” Peter Spankofvski

“Never thought I could open my locker without the fear running through me.” Richie Lipchitz

“N-IG-HT-AWE AWE- ks!” Everyone

“FUCK clivesdale.” Everyone, repeatedly. 

“FUCK YOU CLIVESDALE WE’LL KILL YOU!” Cheerleaders and Jocks

“Zeke! The fighting nighthawk!” Jason the Football player

“We support and love you, but you fuckin’ stink man!” Jason the Football player

“FUCK CLIVESDALE! FUCK EM STRAIGHT TO HELL!” Richie Lipchitz

“I love being alive!” Richie Lipchitz

“YA BITCH.” Max Jagerman

“Of course not! But you’ve lost everything.” Max Jagerman HIT SO HARD 

“Mama I’m cured!” Grace Chastity

“HWAELL they didn’t say!” Mark Chastity

“Alright ima need the 3 of you to shut the FUDGE up about Max Jagerman.” Grace Chastity

“SHUT. THE FUCK UP. RUTHY.” Stephanie Lauter

“People tell me to die everyday!” Ruth Fleming

“Don’t be ridiculous! Wait-“ Grace Chastity

“DAN!” Angry Adult Mob

“Suddenly the show is real upsetting!” Angry Adult Mob

“Fuckin’ transcendent…..!” Cop Corey

“I wanna remember who I YAAAMmmm…” Trevor, who’s only other credit is Barbecue Monologues Man 2 

“I turned 40 today.” *pours alcohol* Ruth Fleming in Barbecue Monologues

“Oh shit not Clivesdale!” Officer Shapiro

*heavy breathing* “…… thank you.” Peter Spankofvski

“MY DAD sells WOMEN’S SHOES.” Peter Spankofvski

“Dork at the beany’s counter has more balls than you.” Stephanie Lauter

“LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS” Grace Chastity

“She’s bisexual and dead, where else could she be?” Grace Chastity, also GRACE DONT CALL ME OUT

“I’ve done horrible things! Like touching myself and lying to the police! I called god a son of a b word! Who am iiiiii…..” Grace Chastity

“Don’t comfort her, she’s fucking weird.” Stephanie Lauter

“KYUK KYUK KAH FUCK.” Max Jagerman

“I beg to differ, BITCH.” Max Jagerman

“I’ve got a gun.” Stephanie Lauter

“Are you a woman of god?” “Catholic.” “I’ll take that as a no.” Grace Chastity and Officer Shapiro (as a Catholic this is hilarious.) 

“I have no idea what I’m doing.” Peter Spankofvski (Me too Peter, me too.)

“My phone!” Stephanie Lauter

“WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR PHONE.” The Lords in Black

“Or fuck off!” The Lords in Black

“It’s you Steph. I’m into you.” Peter Spankofvski (IM CRYINGGGG)

“I just took a bullet for you bro!” Max Jagerman

“SO YOU DO KNOW THE BIBLE?” Grace Chastity

“But Jesus never threw a football like you Max.” Grace Chastity

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH HOLE SPANKOVSKI. I wanna hear this.” Max Jagerman

“FUCK. YEAH.” Max Jagerman

“GASP. That’s NASTY. I like it.” Max Jagerman

“WHAT. THE FUCK. IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.” Stephanie Lauter (That’s so me, Steph.)

“GRACE IS HAVING SEX WITH A FUCKING GHOST!” Peter Spankofvski

“I paid the price. Now fuck off!” *Spins* Grace Chastity

“WHAT ARE YOUUU-“ Max Jagerman

“You’re in my world now. Bitch.” One of the Lords in Black (Pokey I think???) 

“I…. Am gonna get some fucking coffee.” Officer Shapiro

“Did you guys know JASON goes to my CHURCH?” Grace Chastity

Total quotes: 85

[crisalidaseason]

here's my aot what if -

what if nobody died and everyone lived happily ever after😁😁

Pls I love this so much. That's me when my fav character dies.

What if nobody died?

This is a joke and completely delusional of me, but here are my AOT characters sweet and peaceful endings if death and depression weren't AOTs moto

Carla would be still alive, we would have more screen time from this absolute milf (Sorry, I am feral for her), being the best mom and Eren always by her side, taking care of her, when he is not traveling with Armin.

Mikasa is either with Carla or occasionally traveling with Armin and Eren. She's out of the military for certain and just chilling, probably became a painter or writer.

Armin, my sweet beloved Armin, just travels around the world (if the titans were taken care of) and becomes this super notorious writer and explorer. I genuinely think he would be a scientist and inventor, like his parents.

Jean probably follows the military career, even become commander when he was older. This man fights for people, and if Marco is by his side...we would see big changes in Paradis military system!

Sasha and Connie would probably remain two chaotic creatures that live in a farm. Sasha would also remain in the military, in my opinion. She likes teaching young people and helping her community. Connie just decided to live a quiet life with his family, probably in a farm close to Sasha's family estate.

Ymir and Historia are married and queens. That's it. They are icons and care for many orphans (even if Ymir is awkward with them).

Erwin, Levi and Hange are retired and on permanent vacation. Permanent vacation! Also, Levi's squad is alive and well. Levi is one of those old dudes who accidentally got adopted by children despite his very mean face.

Reiner has a family. He probably has a bunch of kids that he loves so much. He is the best father in the world because his own dad was trash. HE IS NO CONTACT WITH HIS MOM!!!

Bertholdt is honestly just living his best life, just sleeping in weird positions and resting. No I don't think he got with Annie. I can imagine him becoming a teacher.

Annie just disappeared and took Pieck with her. She is living in a cabin far away with zero human contact and a bunch of chickens and goats. That girl deserves peace. Pieck is there because it's quiet and she can nap all day.

Porco and Marcel are happy siblings, so are Colt and Falco. Falco and Gabi actually married, I don't make the rules.

Zeke is just...Zeke. I think he becomes a doctor and runs an abortion clinic. Not elaborating on that.

My man Onyankopon is a rich dude on a paradise island, just chilling and being the handsome man that he is. Probably is the one who brought Hange, Levi and Erwin to the island for their eternal vacation.

[eye-of-the-phoenix]

I want to like CRY so much

I just finished replaying it and I have so many opinions, as always. This game is unique for me in that I WANT to like it so badly but it just doesn't quite work. However, I stubbornly replay it and ponder what it could have been because I wish I liked it more. I especially feel this way because I live in New Orleans and its just so CLOSE to being good!

More thoughts under the cut.

PROS:

I actually think they did a great job with the setting. It's raining so hard that the power goes out and the streets are too flooded for cabs? There are weird creatures and bugs around every corner, some of which are messing with your belongings? The best food is from some sketchy stand served by some random Shorty person? Accurate, welcome to New Orleans. I can even forgive Bess for eating crawfish with the shells on with a spoon.

The characters are also good. Lamont is completely underutilized to where I'd never believe he was the culprit, but I can imagine running into all of these people throughout my day and it makes sense that they would all also interact with each other off-screen.

The core mystery is really interesting. It's the classic Nancy-gets-sucked-in-to-a-case-on-vacation scenario, but she really does stumble into the situation by accident in this one and has a personal stake because she gets attacked by the skeleton man. The progression is believable as she starts to unravel the skull mystery and discovers that Bruno's death was actually kind of suspicious.

My favorite ND trope, secret room/hideout/study revealed midgame, with a lot of things to look at and click on, is present.

CONS

The music is kind of a miss. It's not bad, but it should have been so much better. It has this boring CLK old-timey feel and they kind of missed the mark in my opinion. I think a more upbeat track with some brass, maybe something bluesy, maybe something modern would have added more variety.

The puzzles. THE PUZZLES ARE SO TEDIOUS. I hate that we find this book Bruno wrote and it's just a walkthrough to getting a bunch of eyeballs through various boring puzzles for the sake of padding the game. I use a walkthrough for like half of this game every time because I don't find the puzzles fun. My least favorites are the sneeze contraption because there is ZERO confirmation as to whether you're on the right track when you do it, and the tombstone pun puzzle because walking back and forth around the cemetery is SO TEDIOUS and it has zero replay value.

Bruno's house doesn't make sense because it's fairly spacious and kept up on the bottom story and the top floor that we can access is just two horrible moldy rooms. Bruno, you dropped dead from breathing in black mold in your own house, not a heart attack. Trust me when I say I know it's humid and wet here, but there's just no reason for the upstairs to be that uninhabitable indoors.

On a related note, I wish there was more to explore, and no, the cemetery doesn't count. There should be more rooms for Nancy to snoop through (where is Henry sleeping?) and like one more place for Bess to go. Or more things to do and click on in Zeke's aside from just looking at that one box a million times. Or the option to poke around Renee's table when she's away. NOT nearly enough snooping for me.

It's so dark. It's too dark. It could have been like 10% lighter or had a partial daytime element so that I could actually see what I was doing even a tiny bit.

[peachymilkandcream]

Payment|Part 8|Mafia Levi x Evelyn

WARNINGS: noncon/dubcon, big age difference, kidnapping, slavery, violence, power imbalance, implied somnophilia, forced pregnancies, mind breaking, yandere behaviour, yandere themes, forced exhibitionism, sexual coercion, blackmail, etc.

===============================================

As a reward for telling Levi the truth about what Zeke had almost convinced her to do Levi allowed her to only watch part of his torture. At first she thought he would make her stay for the whole thing but she supposed that's what she got for selling out another human being.

She should've felt guilt, should have felt numb as Levi's men took turns beating the helpless man. But instead the only thoughts she had was "Better you than me." She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had followed Zeke's plan, but it wasn't worth the risk.

Evelyn had told Levi everything that day, breaking down and telling him that she had thought about it but was too scared of him to actually take the plunge. He had appreciated her honesty, and reminded her that her fear was well placed. That she should be afraid of him and what he could do.

Immediately he had confronted the traitor, leading them to this situation.

Zeke looked up at her with both venom and betrayal, naturally he blamed her more for this than Levi. If it wasn't for her he'd probably still be going about his business.

"That's enough. Escort Evelyn back upstairs." Levi stood in front of her watching the carnage. He didn't even glance back, but just decided she had enough.

"Thank you Levi-"

He didn't respond, continuing to direct his men on how to inflict the most pain.

Evelyn took in the scene once more before returning upstairs, wondering if one day she would be in that situation.

================================================

From then on Evelyn obeyed Levi's every wish. The more she submitted, the more rewards and luxuries he gave her. And really, was it that bad to just give in? Now she could consider herself a success instead of the failure her parents always thought she was.

She had gone from a penniless, single, nobody who everyone enjoyed tormenting to a wealthy woman living a life of absolute privilege with a handsome man who was influential and considered her of all people to be his- what was she to him?

"Levi?"

"Did I not tire you out?" He grumbled, annoyed.

"What am I to you?"

He paused for a moment, as if deciding. "You're my woman. No one else's."

"Oh-"

He sighs. "Typical woman, unable to take a statement at face value. Look, I'm not going to toss you out suddenly. I've set my sights on you and until you piss me off you'll stay."

Surprisingly that gave her a level of comfort. If she was going through all of this then the least he could do was not use her and throw her out like a cheap toy. He owed her that much at least.

"I see. Thank you."

He rolled back over, done with the conversation.

She turned to watch him, taking in his silhouette. Evelyn had started to do this recently since her attack by Kenny. Her eyes finding every muscle and imagining the power behind each one. Power that could protect her if Kenny ever came back. And his behavior, some women would swoon over that. Some women didn't care about the red flags in a man and thought if he was rich and hot enough it was worth it.

Maybe they had a point. She couldn't really do much better for herself, she should be content. Besides, he was pretty hot-

Evelyn rolled over the other way, trying to stifle the butterflies in her stomach. That couldn't be good.