#man i was hoping so much finland would win

[soapytreachery]

Welp... Can't say I'm happy with the winner of this year, actually I'm not happy at all but it is what it is.

[auspicioustidings]

Based on this. You are in Finland full of self-loathing and the 141 needs a fat wife if they want to win some beer.

You aren't exactly on holiday in Finland. It should be your honeymoon but since you caught your groom balls deep in your maid of honour you instead have used it as an escape from the country. You just cannot be around the people you love right now, can't have them all look at you with all that pity. Even worse is that some of them probably don't even blame him. Your former best friend is a size 8, perfect hourglass figure. Your former partner is trim and decently fit. They look like they belong together more than you and him ever did.

You hate yourself. You hate looking in the mirror. You hate how clothes fit you. You deserved it you think.

"Not a chance MacTavish, that's my wife!"

"Away and biel yer heid, I saw her first!"

"Actually I saw her first!"

"I outrank all of you muppets so I think you'll find that is my wife!"

It's a racket in the little cafe but you don't pay much mind, still just staring out the window and wondering if you could ever deserve anything. One of the servers comes to take your empty cup and grins at you, telling you in her heavy accent that she would personally go for the one with the mask since he's the biggest. You don't understand when you look around and there are a lot of locals smiling happily over at you while four Greek Gods of men are having a scuffle, moving slowly in your direction. More people chip in, arguing about who you should pick, some lamenting that they would claim you themselves if they thought they could.

One big man does try, basically some Viking God, but he's playfully (you hope it's playful) spear tackled by the man with the mohawk before he laughs and backs off.

When Gaz with warmed cheeks and excitement in his eyes gets to you while Soap is busy with the viking and Ghost and Price are wrestling one another he asks if you'd do him the honour of being his wife. You nearly choke, but he explains that the wife carrying competition is today. You look around, bewildered, ask him why he wouldn't pick any of the other women in here given that they are all gorgeous slim things.

"Fuck all use to us, need a nice soft bird with lots of fat" says the man in the mask.

Price scowls and whacks his lieutenant upside the head because he sees how you look a second away from crying.

"You're gorgeous sweetheart, he didn't mean anything by it. The prize is the wife's weight in beer though, so he's right about a little lady not being much use."

You don't know what to say. You don't know if this is mortifying or not given that everyone around you seems to not be looking at you with sneers or laughing at you, but instead looking with soft smiles that convey fondness. They think this is adorable.

"Dinnae listen tae their nice soft birds and sweethearts! I'll be a better husband bonnie. I'm shorter aye bit look at the power in these legs, naw going tae drop ye. And I'll split that beer 50/50!"

And then they're arguing. The four of them are arguing and trying to put forward a case to you about why they would be the best husband. When it starts to get raunchy, you fluster and stop them. But fluster is something. It's not self loathing. It's been weeks since you felt anything but self loathing. So even though you are sure everyone can feel the heat rolling off of you in waves at how bashful you are under so much attention from such attractive men, you pick one (the others are devastated but vow that you're only a wife for the competition, that after they should get another shot at convincing you that they're the best option).

And they do. Even though the man you picked doesn't win (gets DQ'd actually since you are heavy and he decided that you were getting over that damn finish line so the four of them took turns) they take you out for drinks after. You think you feel humiliated that they couldn't carry you a long distance, but you don't have time to sit with the feeling because they drown it out with how warm and giddy they make you feel.

They insist that they will compete next year, so you have 365 days to pick a husband. When you make a quiet comment about how you'll lose weight by then so they can carry you the whole way, they nearly riot as they assure you that they would be a shit pick for husband if they didn't spent the year getting stronger so they can carry you just how you are. Plus they'll not be losing any beer thank you very much.

By the time the next wife carrying competition rolls around you are a different person. You're wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide your body. You laugh and flirt back with the barista instead of assuming they are making fun of you by flirting. And you don't care if your husband makes it over the finish line, just that you have fun and laugh and joke about the attempt. Of course it's not entirely certain who that husband is yet, got to keep them on their toes after all.

[ts1m1kas]

Original Ask: I was gonna request a cute little Kimi Räikkönen one-shot (Any gender is fine!) in which they're both drivers (Team doesn't matter for me, go wild!) in 2007 and after Kimi wins his first WDC they go to Finland for a holiday he promised MC that he'd take them to if he wins. During the holiday he finally gathers enough confidence to confess his love to them! ( @anicega )

Word Count: 820 words

(author's note: i hope you enjoy my loves !! thank you for all the support on my other f1 fics 🫶)

Throughout his years at Ferrari, Kimi Raikkonen had made many friends and curated a large collection of achievements and memories. But, his favourite was undoubtedly his friendship with Y/N.

Y/N L/N was the other Ferrari driver who was just as successful as Kimi. Their friendship blossomed as they spent more and more time together. However, one thing that came up all the time was a promise that Kimi made when he discovered Y/N would become his teammate.

“I’ve always wanted to go to Finland. I’m jealous that you’ve gotten to experience it,” Y/N said to Kimi.

The pair sat in the Ferrari garage, waiting for their instructions on how to pose for Y/N’s announcement photos. They had been talking and introducing themselves, which eventually led to them discussing their home countries.

“Tell you what, when I win a World Championship I’ll take you to Finland. So we can celebrate.”

“Really? You’re the best Kimi! I can’t wait to be your teammate.”

That was where their friendship began.

Now, many years later, they were inseparable. Wherever Kimi went Y/N followed and vice versa. The pair knew everything about each other from their favourite colours to their favourite childhood TV show. So naturally, when Kimi became World Champion in 2007, no one was more proud of him than Y/N.

Kimi was true to his word though and as soon as he could, the flights to his home country were booked. Y/N stood in the airport, a huge smile adorning her face the whole time she was there. Kimi could practically feel the excitement radiating off her.

The flight was short and before they knew it, they were leaving the plane and Y/N was getting her first sight of Finland.

“Thank you again for doing this Kimi, it really is a dream come true.”

“I’m a man of my word.”

For Y/N, the next couple of days were bliss. She spent them exploring with Kimi and finding out new things about the country she had longed to visit. However, for Kimi, they were torture. Having to spend so much time around Y/N alone meant he realised his feelings for her weren't completely platonic.

Seeing her smiling and laughing in his hometown sparked something in him and Kimi knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back his feelings for much longer.

Y/N had woken up early that morning to watch the sunrise. She had always found comfort in watching the sun come up from behind the early morning mist, giving her time to relax her mind and body for a little longer.

She sat cross-legged in front of the big bedroom windows, her eyes transfixed on the orange hues of the dawn sky. Her face was illuminated by the warm glow of the sun as it gently rose. Kimi stirred from his sleep as the light shone on his face too. He sat up slowly in the bed and stared ahead of him, except his eyes weren’t on the sunrise. Instead, he found himself staring at Y/N, unable to pull his eyes away from her.

“You know, you’ve always reminded me of the sunrise,” Kimi stated, breaking the silence.

Y/N jumped and turned around, “I didn’t even realise you were awake she said with a smile.”

As Y/N turned around, the light behind her enveloped her body, glimmering like a halo and Kimi swore he fell in love right then and there.

“You look beautiful.”

“Really?”

“You always do. I’ve always thought you were beautiful.”

Y/N’s face flushed red and Kimi smiled at her reaction.

“Y/N, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you and I don’t know how else to say it apart from that I’m in love with you. Since we met on your first day at Ferrari I’ve known that I would fall in love with you.”

“Kimi- I- I love you too.”

They stared at each other from across the room, both unsure of what to do or say. Kimi gestured for Y/N to come and sit with him and she followed his instruction. When she sat down, Kimi brushed her hair behind her ear and cupped her face with his hand.

Y/N let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding as she leaned in to place a kiss on Kimi’s lips. They moved in sync and Kimi moved his hand to rest on Y/N’s waist.

When they broke apart, Kimi smiled softly at Y/N, “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for you to do that.”

As they sat in content silence, Y/N moved to cuddle into Kimi’s side. Her eyes flicked back over to the window where the sun was nearly at the top of the sky. All she could think about was how glad she was to be in Finland.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

I need more Ville Valo fics 😩 no one seems to do them anymore! I need another part to Love You To Death! 😍

Love You To Death (Pt. 2)

Y/N makes the painful decision to leave the romance she found in Finland behind, but fate has different plans in mind. By fate, I mean Bam and Ville.

Ville Valo X Fem!Reader, (slight Bam Margera X Ville Valo if you squint?)

(Fluff, angst)

2.5k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, alcohol, manipulation, power imbalance, toxic relationships, unwelcome flirting, creepy guys,

An: Thank you so much for the request!! I had a ball writing this and I’m sure you’ll enjoy t as well :) This was the first fic I wrote after finishing finals, so I hope this is up to par with my usual work! I really wanted to explore how Bam was affected by what was going on with Ville and how Ville feels almost protective of Y/N. As a note, there’s a painting referenced in this fic that was based off of a real piece in the Philadelphia Museaum of art! Anyways, thank you so much for the request and please keep sending them in!

“You’re not actually gonna stay with him, are you?” Bam raised an eyebrow at you from where he was laying against the hotel room mattress. Continuing to fill him in on what happened that night, you cracked open your own tiny mini bar liquor with a sigh, “No, I mean- I can’t.” Bending down to pick up the steadily growing pile of bottles at his bedside, you rolled your eyes, “I mean- it’s not like I could just pack up all my shit and move to Finland!” Trying to ignore your heartbeat thrumming in your ears, you went over the same thing you had been rolling around in your mind since you left Ville’s flat no more than an hour ago.

Tomorrow, you would be flying back home to Philly, away from Finland and away from him, and as well as you knew you couldn’t stay, you didn’t want to go. But as unobservant as he usually was, Bam’s liquor-addled mind made a connection there. He respected Ville. Ville was in love with you. You were friends with Bam. It would be so easy to earn himself a little easy cred with him if he set the two of you up- you know, play Cupid. “So, you got his number?”

Too distracted with stress packing, you didn’t give Bam’s question a second thought, “Of course I did. Why do you care?” Good. He gave you some BS about how Ville is his friend, and if you hadn't gotten his number, he would say you’re stupid, “I know he’s really hot, but I get it- he’s moving a little fast. I mean, you guys just met!” The lip service continued and you were lucky you couldn’t see that smirk of his he was so not hiding. But Bam’s words hit a little closer to home than you expected and made you pause a bit. “Yeah, yeah- I hear ya…”

Bam was getting a thrill out of playing double agent- maybe more than he should. That night, far after he was sure you were out cold, guess who he was calling up? “Ville, man- I got just the idea for you to win over Y/N!” His giddiness was a contrast to Ville’s half-drunk stupor he dove into after you left, still somehow as smooth as ever, “Hmm?” Cupping his hand around the receiver in the dark, Bam went on a rambling, half coherent rant about this master plan of his, which Ville periodically hummed in agreement to. In both of their minds, it sounded pretty foolproof. And there you were, fast asleep about five feet away from where this whole trap intended for you was unfolding.

☆彡

Months later, once the initial flames of desire died down, you kept in touch with Ville in the form of constant phone calls that seemed to stretch on for eternities. Even if he didnt go on and on about this romanticized, poetic vision he had of the two of you together in the future, you couldn’t help but find his voice so pleasant to listen to. It was hypnotic, the way he detailed something as mundane as how stunning the countryside in Finland was in the springtime, how plentiful and beautiful the wildflowers are there. “Of course, they couldn’t compare to your beauty, my dear.” Ville purred his words in a way that almost made you blush and giggle.

Based on the low chuckle he let out at your reaction, you were sure he picked up on it. “There is, however, something I’d like to discuss with you, Y/N.” His voice took on a conspiratorial tone that made you listen a bit closer. “I’ll be going on tour in a few weeks- and seeing as I’ll have a day off in Philadelphia, I was wondering if you would be interested in going out together?” Holy shit. You would be seeing him face to face- like, actually in person. “Oh- of course I’d be interested! That would be amazing!” A disbelieving grin spread across your face, your heart fluttering a little at the prospect, “I can’t wait.” Ville seemed content with your enthusiasm and the way this was trending, letting out a hum of satisfaction, “Neither can I, darling.”

★彡

Bam seemed pretty eager to get your ass out of the house the night before Ville was set to arrive in town. While you were perfectly content with spending the evening fucking around with him and the rest of the guys (because that’s you usually did on a Friday night), for some reason he couldn’t let that happen. “Y’know what? I’m really not feelin’ like going out tonight.” Excuses like this were uncharacteristic of Bam, but you suspended your dislebeleif as he got up from where the two of you were watching tv on the couch, grabbing something off the kitchen table, “It’s lady’s night at 15 North! I think you should go hang out with your girlfriends, have a few drinks, here-”

Turning around to where you had been following behind him, Bam shoved a handful of twenties into your hand and grinned, trying to sound nonchalant, “It's on me!” Part of you wanted to question why the hell he did this big three sixty from how cold he was acting towards you in Finland. But another part of you, a part with a little less shame, knew not to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when said horse was buying you and your friends drinks. Considering your options for a moment, you nodded, “You know what? I will go out!”

☆彡

That whole thing with Ville just happening to have that time off in Philly wasn't nearly as coincidental as he made it out to be, but that wasn’t the only dishonesty here. Even though they were more than capable of discussing it over the phone, Bam urged him to stop by the castle so they would have the opportunity to ‘talk about it more’. Really, the whole thing was a ploy to keep Ville in one place with him and to show off the castle in one big effort to impress him. Though he was unaffected by his childish attempts to win his favor, Ville decided not to say anything on his thinly veiled intentions or tacky choices in interior design. Bam was giving him some pretty useful information, so it wouldn’t be wise to write him off just yet.

Bam had told Ryan and the other guys the same excuse he told you, which they questioned even less. Adding to this web of lies was the fact Ville got in town a day earlier than he told you he would. You decided to stop by Bam’s to pick something up that you left there the previous night before retiring to your place, so you would only discover this fact when you stumbled through the door around the early AM’s to a figure in the darkness of the living room, lounging on the couch with a glass of something dark that he sat down on a table as you walked in. It was silent as you peered around a corner, still pretty tipsy. The light from the entryway illuminated this person’s silhouette enough for you to see a sliver of a swirling tattoo peek out from under a sleeve- one you instantly recognized. “Ville…?”

☆彡

You should’ve known; who else would look that good in the dark? Of course, you had a lot of questions for Ville, but he gave you the rundown after you nearly pounced on him, “We arrived at a hotel around an hour ago, and while Midge and Linde- and the rest of the fellows were getting settled,” Ville ran his fingers through your hair idly while you pretty much sat on his lap, ”Bam rang me to ask if I would mind staying at his place for a night or two. Who am I to say no to that?” Gently taking your chin to tilt your head up, he pressed a kiss to your cheekbone, “All the more time I get to spend with you, my love.” A hummingbird couldn’t have caught Ville at work, the way he was playing you, and judging by the way you were blushing and melting onto his lap like warm butter, his charms were working their magic on you.

“Anyways,” Glancing down at you, he quickly brushed it off as if he wasn’t just thrilled by how flustered he could make you with such a simple gesture, “I was wondering if you’d care to go out for drinks sometime?” Well, Bam had asked him if he wanted to continue their conversation tomorrow night over a few beers at Rex’s, which gave him the idea to ask you. Close enough. “Oh, I’d love to!” You giggled, laying back against his chest.

★彡

There was pretty obvious confusion in Bam’s half awake gaze the next morning when he saw first you in the kitchen making yourself some toast, then Ville at the coffee maker. Why the hell were you here? Wait, did the two of you…? “Y/N?” He thought he was having some kind of weird dream- some nightmare, but nope, this was reality. “Oh, hey Bam!” Turning around, you took a bite from your toast, “What’s up?” If the smirk on your face wasn’t telling enough, the fact that the two of you were half dressed certainly was. “You stayed here last night?” You could practically see Bam’s train of thought on his face as he looked between you and him, “Ohhhh…” Ville quietly chuckled at his reaction, not seeming to notice the traces of jealousy in his gaze.

☆彡

You were completely oblivious to the fact that there were serious art museums in Pennsylvania until Ville took you to one. Well, you knew there probably were some out there, but the thought never really crossed your mind that people actually go to these places. But there the two of you were, strolling through the Philadelphia Museum of Art. The only sounds that echoed off the tall ceilings of the exhibit hall were the clacking of rubber soles on marble and the hushed whispers among people who actually had opinions on this kind of art.

Sure, you appreciated the stuff, but Ville understood the meaning in seemingly any kind of art that you couldn’t even begin to grasp. Stopping in his tracks, he turned to gaze at a painting that caught his eye: this Christophe Guérin piece titled L'Amour Désarmé. You looked at it as well, trying to gather any meaning from what appeared to be a pretty straightforward subject: a woman holding a bow and arrow away from Cupid, who was reaching to grab it. Standing there a moment next to you, Ville spoke up in a low murmur, “Even though I feel the Metamorphoses is a bit overdone, I’ve always found paintings depicting them impactful...” He didn’t even need to see you to visualize the confused look in your face from his words, so he explained. “See, the woman, Venus, is disarming her son, Cupid- but what she doesn’t know is that she’s already been pierced by his arrow.”

Well, you gathered some of that on your own. “So, now she’s going to fall in love with someone?” Eyes no longer fixed on the painting, he turned to you as you still admired the art, completely oblivious, “Yes. In the myth, it’s a mortal: Adonis. It’s symbolic of love as an uncontrollable force-“ In awe of the way he could just think so deeply about things, the double meaning of his words went completely over your head. “One that binds people together beyond what can be grappled with or comprehended by you or I…”

☆彡

You didn’t really mind that Bam tagged along with the two of you to the bar after Ville finished the show that night, but you were starting to get an inkling that he did. Honestly, at this point, you didn’t really care. Sure, you had known him for way longer than you knew Ville, but not in a million years could he hope to compare to him in your eyes- not now. It was like Bam was some child, constantly vying for attention, and it was starting to get on your nerves. Almost as much as that guy who had been flirting with you since Ville left to use the men's.

“Y’know, I saw you from across the bar over there …Can I buy you a drink?” Looking over to Bam for any hope of getting out of this situation, the only response you got from him was the cold shoulder as he glanced away, pretending not to know you. Asshole. Glancing away, now both angry at him and the guy, you replied flatly, “I’m with someone.” Still, he kept pressing, not getting the hint in the slightest, “I didn’t ask who you were with- I wanted to buy you a drink.”

The aggression in his voice would’ve put you on edge a little if it weren’t for Ville’s return with incredible timing, sliding between you and the creep. “Hope you weren't too lonely without me, love.” Having seen everything, he still paid the guy no mind, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to your lips. Too preoccupied with your little victory, you didn’t notice that, barely out of your line of sight, this bitter look crossed Bam’s face as he took another swig of his drink.

★彡

Ville had to leave the next morning. You knew that when he showed up, he would have to leave- you would be an idiot for thinking this could end in any other way, but you didn’t want him to. There was no logic to how you felt, but yet again when did logic have anything to do with love? Bam wasn't awake, but even if he was he’d probably still be sulking in his room. He probably hated you now. But there you and Ville stood, in the living room at Castle Bam among all the dark velvet, the dim light of early day flooding in through the back window. “My heart aches for you, Y/N.” Delicate features bathed in cool blue, he took your hand in his and his words came to you, deliberate and earnest. “But you have a life to live. I have a tour to finish.” Your heart wept at his words. This whole situation with Ville- it was killing you. In three months, your life was turned upside down by a complete stranger, and you were helpless to do anything about it.

“No more of what’s keeping you here, and no more of what’s pulling me away from you. If not today then some day, my dear…You will be mine.” Lifting your hand to his lips, he pressed a kiss to your knuckle. “Only mine.”

[beauty-and-passion]

Eurovision 2024: broken promises and one last hope

Hello.

I know this post took a bit longer than usual, but I needed some time to collect my thoughts about this year’s Eurovision.

Yes, I watched it. Why? Because it wouldn’t have been fair to the artists, who took part in this year’s competition. It’s not because of them that the show was so polarized, so they didn’t deserve to be punished for that.

Also, I needed to see how far the EBU would go. I needed to see and I needed to remember. And everyone needs to remember too. Remember this year and remember what happened, when the EBU followed its policy so strictly, it ended up making the most tense show I’ve ever watched.

I will share my thoughts and I will try my best to do it effectively. It won’t be a short post and I apologize, but I tried my best.

_________________________________

Sweden: was it worth it?

We all had big expectations for this year’s show. There was Petra Mede, everyone’s favorite host. And Sweden is well known for doing great shows. This year should've been great.

 The first semifinal starts and we're bombarded by greatest hits of the past. Cool for five minutes, boring after one hour.

I’m disappointed: I expected something better from Sweden, not them recycling something already done in the past. But that’s what they did by sending Loreen back to win again, so I suppose it’s fitting.

Okay, so we have Johnny Logan, Ireland’s three-time winner. Is he singing one of his songs? No, he’s singing Tattoo.

Weird choice. Why call Ireland’s three-time winner to perform a Swedish song? Why call a representative of the nation who won as many times as you and make him sing one of your songs and not one of his?

If I were to think badly, I would think this was Sweden's subtle way to impose its supremacy on Ireland. A sort of: "You're not the best anymore, I reached you and I will surpass you. You will succumb to me". But Sweden would never do something like that, wouldn’t it?

Then we have the second semifinal. And we have a song, which can be resumed as follows: “We know we stole Finland’s victory last year, but instead of admitting there is a problem with the voting system (and the entire system for that matter), we’d much rather prefer to whine, because people have been sooooo mean with us. And yes, we will keep sending the same stuff every time, because it makes us win. At the end of the day, all we want is to keep winning, so shut up and love us.”

I don’t know you, but the line between being self-aware of your flaws and openly admitting all you want is to win (all while insulting the country that almost won last year, by saying that their show would’ve been so stupid ah ah, while ours is so cool, see how cool we are?) is very thin. And even the greatest hosting country of all time can succumb to its own hubris once in a while.

Then we reach the final. Okay, the semifinals' shows were meh and left me with a bitter aftertaste, but hey, that’s the final! It must be awesome!

After two hours, I was looking at the clock, waiting for the entire thing to be over.

Did we really need a thirst song about Martin Österdahl, the most hated EBU Executive Supervisor? Was it really necessary to sexualize this man? Is it because he’s Swedish? Is it because Sweden needs to kiss the ESC’s ass even more? Or is it because the ESC really really wants to make this guy more popular, considering people hate him?

After hinting at them in every possible way for the entire week, in the end we got AI-generated ABBA. Well, shoutout to the real ABBA for not participating in this: last year they said they would’ve not taken part and they didn't. Respect.

Alcazar were the biggest surprise of the entire week, because they are a piece of my childhood and Crying at the Discoteque is still a huge bop. But heaven forbid we having fun for more than five minutes, so they were sent away immediately.

At the end of the day, my question is: was it worth it, Sweden? Was it worth winning seven times, only to celebrate with the most boring show ever?

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I missed Portugal’s show. Yes, the show I called “torture”, because they kept spamming the entire country for days.

You know what? I’d rather watch a country constantly spam its beauties and its culture, than another greatest hit compilation. By god, you’re hosting Eurovision. That's your chance to display your country on the greatest window Europe has to offer. And you use that chance, to repeat over and over “Eurovision good” and talk about it only.

I know Eurovision is good and cool and I love the reminder... but please, give us something more, Sweden. Something you. Listening to a country say: “We don’t have anything else to offer besides Eurovision” does not make me laugh. It makes me sad. It's not that you don't have anything else to offer, Sweden: it's that you don't want to show what else you have to offer.

You have gorgeous natural places (Höga Kusten and Gotland just to name two). You have the second-longest bridge in Europe and it's fucking impressive. Your capital is full of wonderful islands - and I found out there are tours with buses that go both on the ground and in the water. How fucking cool is that?!

Do we want to talk about culture? Your coffee breaks are literally part of your lifestyle and even have a specific name. You have that great concept of lagom which a lot of people should learn too. You are full of beautiful art and funny foods - heck, there is even a Disgusting Food Museum in Malmö! And I didn't find out thanks to Eurovision, but thanks to fucking Tripadvisor.

It's just sad, you know? Don't underestimate yourself so much, Sweden. You have a ton to offer besides this show.

_________________________________

 The Netherlands: victim of paradoxes

Europapa was one of fan’s favorite songs and of course it was: a catchy tune, funny singer, fun and happiness for a song that was both a celebration of Europe and a touching love letter from Joost to his parents.

Of course it got people’s hearts. We all love the story of a character who comes up with a dream and wants to fulfill it. And if we can, we want to make that dream come true.

So just imagine how devastating it was, to find out Joost has been disqualified. I was minding my own business when I found out and I was shocked, so I can’t even imagine how bad his hardcore fans felt.

The first question was, of course, why. What happened? What could’ve done a man who has always wanted to attend Eurovision, to get disqualified? Not warned, not penalized. Disqualified. What did he ever do, to put in jeopardy his lifelong dream like that?

I don't know if we’ll ever find out the whole truth. All we know is that Joost asked a woman to stop filming him, she refused and kept following him, so he made a “threatening gesture” towards the camera, while not touching her.

Which gesture? No idea. Maybe he showed his middle finger, maybe he tried to lower the camera, maybe he said “fuck you and stop filming me”, maybe he tried to hit the camera. I don’t know. But in this case, I would really like to know - and not just what he did, but how the whole thing went.

If this year taught us something, is the importance of context. If Joost Klein tried to punch the camera is one thing and he should be condemned for that. But if Joost Klein tried to punch the camera after being filmed without his permission, because a woman was harassing him and following him, thus breaking the agreement that wanted him to not be filmed after stage… well, that's another thing.

Sure, he shouldn’t have reacted this way. But you can understand by yourself that snapping at someone out of the blue is one thing and snapping because you’re fed up with harassment is another thing.

Did Joost deserve some punishment? Sure. But did the person filming him without consent deserve punishment too? Of course. If you have to apply punishments, you have to do it equally, not with a double standard. So if he was disqualified, that woman should've been removed from her position too. But as far as I know, she wasn't.

Also, why didn't the EBU tell exactly what happened right from the start? Why refer to it as “an incident” and give only vague explanations? Why not mention Joost's disqualification during the Grand Final? Why did people have to find out through social media and the Grand Final happened as if nothing?

That's weird, that's not the behavior of someone who has nothing to hide. What’s the matter, EBU? Why this weird lack of communication? And why not show the footage of the incident and make everything clear? Now you’re respecting Joost’s right to not be filmed? A bit too late for that, isn’t it?

So yes, in a paradoxical turn of events, Joost Klein got his dream denied by the same show he wanted to be part of. The guy with the most European song ever, the one who stuck to the ESC motto “united by music”, the one who celebrated Europe, the one whose childhood dream was to be part of this European show, got disqualified by the same European show.

What can I say? I just hope karma will do its job for him. If he's innocent, he will get good things. If he's in the wrong, he will get his punishment.

In the meantime, you can still support him, stream his songs and check his albums. Here on YouTube you will find basically all of them, since it doesn’t seem he has a YouTube channel (yet).

And if his fans still find everything absurd and unjustifiable, don't worry: if Eurovision 2023 (and all previous ones) taught us something, is that you don’t have to be the winner, to steal people’s hearts. Sometimes, you just need one performance.

And this one stole everyone's heart.

Also, since apparently paradoxes were not enough, it seems like European flags were banned for being political? European flags during a European show in a European country in the European continent.

Uh?!

EBU, one question: on which continent do you think you’re in? Spoiler: it’s not America.

_________________________________

EBU’s biggest mistake

Let's talk a bit about the current global situation, shall we? No, you can't escape from it.

So, unless you lived under a rock until now, you know that the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has been going on for a long time and that recently it intensified again because of the new Gaza conflict. Israel pretends to not have committed war crimes, the rest of the world tells them to stop committing them, there are protests everywhere and people are ready to jump at each other’s throats to defend one country or the other.

Now, you’re the EBU. You say your show isn’t political. And that’s true: Eurovision isn’t political. Eurovision is a musical competition. It has nothing to do with politics.

But Eurovision takes place on planet Earth. And, as said, the situation on planet Earth is a bit tense right now. So you already know that, if you stick one single finger in this situation, you will get BIG reactions from the public.

So, what do you do, when Israel asks you to participate?

a) You tell Israel, very politely and very professionally, that you appreciate their application, but cannot accept them this year, because the situation is what it is and letting them in would bring chaos and potential dangers into a contest whose main foundation is being safe and non-political.

b) You let Israel in and let Palestine participate too, at least in spirit through people’s voices and decisions to mention it. This way, no one can say you’re taking sides, since you’re letting both sides participate.

c) You let Israel in and censor everything and everyone else, so not only you bring chaos inside your non-political contest, but make it even more political than ever and end up taking sides too.

Guess what EBU chose.

In order to stick to their non-political policy, EBU put blinders on and ignored the rest of the world. In order to let one country in because "Eurovision is non-political, so everyone is allowed to participate", they brought politics into their non-political show.

And no, it's not unexpected: it was obvious that, by letting Israel in, politics would've entered the competition too. This country and politics are bound tightly now, because of the current situation: of course if you let one in, the other will enter too.

And with politics, all the chaos of the current situation found its way in too. And that means EBU literally put in danger:

25 artists and their teams coming from all over Europe

the same Israeli gal and her team

all the tourists coming from all over the world to attend Eurovision

Swedish people who were living their normal lives and were suddenly surrounded by protests and chaos

the protesters who could've been involved in potential clashes

members of the police who also could've been involved in potential clashes

“But hey”, you might say, “nothing bad happened, in the end! You’re being too negative!”

Sure, thankfully nothing bad happened. But the risk was there, it was huge and it's not that "it would've been here anyway": the risk could've been completely avoided, by applying just a bit more human reasoning.

But even after politics found its way into the show, even after that, EBU could've saved the whole thing. If only one human being with a functioning brain said something like: "Okay, politics is in, even if we didn't want to. Now all we can do is let the other side of the conflict speak too, while we stay neutral".

But no, oh no. Mentioning Palestine and ceasefire means politics and our show isn't political. So let's ignore the fact that our decision to follow the policy verbatim led to politics being inside the show and let's keep applying the rules as if nothing: no one should mention politics, so Eric Saade cannot perform with the kefiah, Bambie Thug should remove their messages about ceasefire, Iolanda cannot keep her nails with Palestine's colors (seriously?!) and people's booing should be drowned with anti-booing technology.

You know, it's incredibly fascinating how EBU's stubborn decision to strictly follow the rules not only allowed politics inside the show, but led to the EBU itself taking a political stand, all while censoring every other opposition. EBU's rigid, mechanical application of the policy led to the EBU contradicting the same policy it was oh-so-religiously following. By making sure the show wasn't political, EBU applied censorship and not only made it even more political, but politically oriented towards one side of the conflict.

I don't know who the EBU members are and if they're human beings with functioning brains or just AI-generated bots, but please: stop following the rules like mindless robots and start using human reasoning in your decision-making process. And use common sense too, because if an idiot like me could foresee the consequences, you should've been able to foresee them too.

_________________________________

Israel: bullying cannot buy you victory

Now, we have Israel in. And the Israeli gal and her team perfectly know that their sole presence will lead to controversy and political stands.

So, if you were in their place, what would have you done?

kept a low profile during the entire competition;

showed at least an ounce of regret for unintentionally putting everyone in danger;

bullied everyone and tried to find any possible chance to beef with the other artists;

Guess what the Israeli team chose.

During the entire competition, these people kept harassing other artists, filming them without consent, calling them names, misgendering them. They kept this arrogant behavior, as if they owned the place and all other countries were just invited to their show.

And if there’s something I hate more than arrogance, is arrogance with a side dish of bullying.

So, to all the people whining because “Martina Satti yawned while Eden was speaking and Joost hid his face”: if that’s bullying, for you, you have a great life and I envy you. I wish I was bullied like that in school. But my bullying was more like… well, calling me names, harassing me and listening/spying what I was doing without my consent.

But apparently harassing the competitors wasn’t enough, so Israel decided to harass the viewers too, by begging for votes. Yes, they begged for votes. Yes, they spammed ads all over YouTube. Yes, I got one too and it was on a Eurovision-unrelated video and it made my blood boil. Yes, they were this desperate. And yes, that’s pathetic.

Also: is this legal? Is this allowed? EBU, are we sure this is part of the rules you follow so strictly? And please, tell me: is harassment also part of those same rules?

But do not worry: in the end, karma found its way. And despite the arrogance, the harassment, the tons of money spent to beg people, none of these means was enough to grant Israel the victory they oh-so-desperately wanted.

On the contrary: in a wonderfully ironic twist, the winner was one of the artists they kept misgendering and harassing. Mmmh, delicious irony, my favorite.

So thank you Israel for wasting money all over YouTube, I hope they were a lot. Thank you to all the people who made a political vote, you really got the spirit of the show, I hope you will never watch it again. Thank you Israeli team for harassing everyone and making an already tense competition even more tense. And, most importantly, thank you EBU for bringing politics in a non-political show: great fucking job, I hope someone will get fired.

And now, let's finally talk about music. Israel's song was nothing special, just the umpteenth bland song I've listened to 200 times already. And we all know it didn't get 300+ votes because everyone was in love with it. People's taste is not so bland and boring. And the final points proved it.

(On a side note, if I were Eden, I would be offended by these votes. At least the people who voted for Loreen last year didn't do it because of Sweden, but because of her talent. This year, I doubt that the people who voted for Eden gave a shit about her talent at all)

_________________________________

France: I need to make some apologies

Listen, you have to understand: we Italians know that French singers are good. We laugh, we say they’re “so French” and they keep Frenching and everything, but we know they rarely disappoint.

The problem is that France is good at the same things we’re good too. We’re both good at soccer, we’re good with food, wine, fashion. And we’re both good at singing.

So, France, remember: we might make fun of you but my god, your artists are amazing. When Slimane sang that part acapella two meters away from his microphone, I literally got shivers. He is a fucking great singer, his voice is incredible and he deserved more than 7 points.

I know French Frenching, but we should give credit when necessary:

_________________________________

Estonia, Spain and basically everyone else: two words and more apologies

Estonia 20th and Spain 22nd? Super robbed. The ignominy. The audacity. They served us beautiful Estonian language and a Spanish gal with a soft voice and that's how they got rewarded? They deserve more and better and people are stupid.

Also, I don’t know what kind of beef Greeks have with Marina, but she was good and doesn’t deserve all of this hate. Also because most of the complaints I've heard about make no sense, so… uh?!

Germany: fucking finally, people gave you votes. Thank you for persevering, your song was truly nice and I liked it too.

Armenia: yes, top 10! For great, lively, wonderful Balkan rhythm! You deserve it and your country deserves love and appreciation.

Italy: I’m okay with this result. Angelina’s performance was better, compared to the one in the semi-finals (also, better costume too, the other was too revealing and too much in general). 7th place is fine.

Ireland: I know that’s not a song for everyone and okay, fine, maybe it’s nothing special either… but my god, have you seen the performance they put on? A-ma-zing. It was interesting, captivating and full of details. And the narrative is perfect too: you can see how Bambie slowly befriends the demon and ends up killing it. It was truly enjoyable to watch. So I’m glad it got 6th place, they deserve an even higher position.

Ukraine: please keep slaying, your artists are always so great and they keep proving it every goddamn time. Also, that moment when Ukraine surpassed Israel was delicious: money truly cannot buy you love and support.

The UK: seriously, why are you whining about people not giving you points? The song was okay, but nothing truly special. Still, you got 18th place! What should Norway say, instead? Poor Norway, it has all my sympathy, the song wasn't this bad.

And now, to you all: you know what to do. Follow your favorites, stream their songs, shower them with love. Eurovision is over, but these artists are not disappearing. They are still out there, making beautiful music. Go check on them.

_________________________________

Croatia: “the audience will come to my concert, not the jury”

Baby Lasagna was a blessing and as Italian, I want to properly apologize for giving it 16 points total only. You deserved 24, shame on us for being stupid morons.

Croatia gave us a beautiful song, from a beautiful artist with a great message and upbeat sounds. And I’m not the only one who thinks this, because the rest of the public agrees with me. Marko gave us pure joy and entertainment in an evening that was mostly sadness, tension and boredom.

And yes, it’s sad he didn’t win… but he knew it, before Switzerland’s points have been announced. Look at his face, during the final voting: as soon as Petra said Switzerland only needed 182 points, he realized he was going to lose. You can see him understanding and accepting it. He knew Switzerland would get these points. I knew. Everybody knew.

So no, this wasn’t like last year: last year, it was a one-on-one game between Finland and Sweden and a tug-of-war between public and jury. This year, we had a lot of favorites. Marko was the favorite, but if Joost wasn’t disqualified, maybe the points would’ve been even more distributed.

But you know what? Marko actually got the best possible result you can get in Eurovision. People adore you, you become a legend and your country doesn’t have to deal with EBU’s bullshit. You get the best of both worlds and it doesn’t cost you a cent.

Also, consider that Marko accepted his 2nd place graciously and maturely, went back home and was welcomed by basically the whole Zagreb (Let3 were there too! Kings supporting a king, very fitting). And in an interview, he said something like “I don’t care about the jury points, because the jury doesn’t come to my concerts”. Which proves he is:

a mood

a king

the truth oracle

everyone’s spirit animal

the winner of the people

the coolest guy ever

So, Croatia: I understand your disappointment, the jury system REALLY needs to change. And no, you won't host Eurovision next year. But consider that you're everyone's favorite country now. And you won't have to deal with whatever shit will happen in 2025! So sit back, relax, may your tourism thrive and your quality of life be high.

And if all of you people really enjoyed Baby Lasagna, please consider he has a YouTube channel and there are two other songs, besides Rim Tim Tagi Dim. One criticizes social media and the influencer system, while the other is a piece of great life advice from the title: “Don't hate yourself, but don't love yourself too much”. Thank you, king, for being so real.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, they’re both huge bops.

Do your magic, people: subscribe to his channel, stream his songs, watch his videos, shower him with love and, most importantly, meow back.

_________________________________

Switzerland: a contest that can live up to its promise

In the end Switzerland won. And it’s a good victory, you know? You might not like the song, but consider that Nemo sang pop, rap and opera, all while jumping on that rotating platform-thingy and running all over the stage. And they even bent back, while keeping a high note and rotating. I can’t even keep a high note by standing still, let alone by doing all the stuff they did.

Also, this is the first victory for a non-binary person, so great for them. And basically no one knew Nemo before Eurovision, so the show came back to its roots, by giving fame to an unknown artist.

Last but not least, in an ironic turn of events, this victory is the least political thing that happened on that stage. In the most polarized, political show ever, the winner is the quintessential neutral country. Almost poetic, in a way.

And this victory is also a huge slap in the face for the EBU: in the end, it wasn't its rigid adherence to the policy that made the show non-political, it was the jury’s vote. How the tables have turned.

But there is another reason why this victory is good after all and it’s because it’s a hopeful one. The winner isn’t famous, they didn’t harass anyone, they didn’t use money to win, they brought nothing besides their identity, a kind heart and a flag they had to sneak in because of the weird “flag rule” EBU pulled out.

And I would like to remind you that, during their victory speech, Nemo said this:

"I hope this contest can live up to its promise and continue to stand for peace and dignity for every person in this world".

I think it’s a speech that tells everything about this year’s show. This year, the contest didn’t live up to its promise: it put people in unnecessary danger, it brought tension, it made it political. EBU’s strictness led to a lot of consequences, the exact ones it tried so desperately to avoid.

As a result, no one enjoyed their time. I didn't enjoy my time. When Sunday came, I was relieved that the week was finally over and I was able to leave Eurovision behind. I didn't feel an ounce of the usual post-Eurovision nostalgia. I was just glad it was over.

And it's sad and unfair, because Eurovision isn't this. Eurovision is a perfect little window of peace and unity, away from the chaos of the world. For a few hours, three evenings a year, we can leave the real problems behind and focus on silly ones, like which country should win, which should be forever ashamed and which artist will become a legend.

This year, it wasn't like that. This year politics found its way in and wrecked everything. What was supposed to be a silly, funny, lighthearted show became so heavily politically charged, it broke under the weight.

And now that I think about it, Nemo breaking the trophy is the perfect metaphorical representation of this year's competition.

Just like that trophy, Eurovision is something frail and beautiful and mishandling can break it. And oh boy, the EBU truly mishandled it. Even if it was an accident, even if it wasn't done on purpose, the trophy is still broken. The show is broken.

But when asked about their broken trophy, Nemo didn't mourn it: Nemo gave words of hope. Maybe the broken trophy can be repaired. And maybe Eurovision can be repaired too.

How? Well, maybe by starting to learn when and how to apply rules. By using common sense and sensibility. And by checking the world outside too. If we want Eurovision to keep being that small window separated from real world problems, we can't just ignore them: we need to check them and react accordingly.

And if we have to break a rule to guarantee peace and safety, then so be it. One broken rule is not as important as safety and unity.

After all, what makes Eurovision isn't a set of rules: it's the artists, with their talents, their messages, their hopes, their voices, their dreams. They are Eurovision. They are the pull that draws everyone in. They are the reason why people are "united by music". Not because a rule orders them to, not because of the EBU: because of these artists.

Maybe the EBU can start from that. Maybe it can start by looking at the human aspect. Maybe it can start by going out and looking around. And maybe it can learn to take more care of the artists who are the foundation of the show.

And maybe, maybe, they will be able to repair Eurovision too.

See you, hopefully, next year.

[lissu]

sorry if this is something you'd rather not answer, i totally understand, but i have been going through it these last few months lol. how did you realise/come to terms with being trans? i've been in gender limbo for a while now and i'm simultaneously sick of it and terrified of what the truth might be 😅

i don't mind answering, but this is not going to be simple or short.

buckle up for a lissu gender journey! i'm giving you as much context as i can, i hope there's something here that can help you out.

content warning for mentions of eating disorders (not in detail) and internalized transphobia.

this is baby lissu. i was luckier than most people, as my parents are feminists and they insisted that every kid got the same hobbies, opportunities and expectations. i have two older brothers and an older sister. we wore clothes as hand-me-downs (including this beautiful hat), so i got to wear "boy clothes" from a young age.

my first language is finnish, which is gender-neutral (no gendered pronouns at all), and i think that this gender-neutral upbringing caused me to not think about gender at all in my childhood.

then puberty hit, and i realized i hated being a girl. the 00s sexism was real, but also being a "tomboy" got me a lot of teasing – there was no winning in middle school i think. i didn't know about being trans or anything back then. i cosplayed boy characters (i also drew a beard on myself a lot and just walked around like that??) and dreamt of binding but didn't know how to do it.

i was really drawn to emo/visual key aesthetic, idolized femme men (or, bishounen as we anime girlies called them) and cried when i had to wear makeup or dresses. i developed an eating disorder in my teenage years, i was so uncomfortable with my body and myself.

in my late teens, i went full femme and got hetero married. every time i got more femme my ed got worse (my boob situation was really unfortunate for a Guy). at this point i also got into some radfemmy thoughts, thinking that being a woman is supposed to be awful and something that people just bear and don't want to be. i internalized that thinking, kind of in a doomerist/blackpilled sense where i thought that being a woman equals suffering. sprinkle in some man-hating here and you have a beautiful stew of trans denial.

(jfc i look like a stepford wife in photos from this time, the dead eyes really make the look)

i did ask my spouse if he'd be alright with dating a man a lot, in that "if i woke up tomorrow and was a man what would you do" way. i think already at this point i knew this was not right for me, but like i said, i was fully convinced every woman hated being a woman.

in 2019 i cut my hair, cried a lot, and thought about coming out as nonbinary. i had a lot of mental health issues going on (undiagnosed adhd and workplace bullying made me burn out) and i decided i was too busy for a gender crisis.

at this point i kinda knew what was going on – i started daydreaming about being a guy. still, i thought it was impossible, like literally an unattainable dream. i had internalized transphobia, and on top of that, trans healthcare is really hard to get into in finland and i thought i was "too old" to transition at 24. so i kinda figured out it would be easier to just live as a weird girl – the thing is, it was really hard, and then 2020 happened so i went back to closet full-time.

i have to mention i was wrongly diagnosed as bipolar 1 at this point and on heavy medication (difficult women amirite) – most of my time was just about surviving and not really living. my ex was addicted to drugs and mean to me, and i overall felt like a heaping pile of garbage. i had fully committed to being femme, but seeing photos of myself during '20-'24 i always look like i'm in drag. i kind of am.

this is taken a day after my divorce. i was in such denial at this point i fully committed to being a lesbian. i thought all my issues were because i was dating the wrong gender and not because i was not living like i wanted to.

i think something shifted in the next months. i was re-evaluating who i was and who i wanted to be with... i don't think there was one single instance that made me realize i was trans but maybe it was a lot of things.

i kept dreaming about being a guy. i was jealous of guys at the gym. i was jealous of guys in the same way i'd been since i was that weird anime-loving girl in my teens – i was wondering why guys got all the things i didn't get? why didn't guys hate being a guy? i also met some women (cis and trans) who were clearly overjoyed about being a woman and identified with it strongly. it made me realize not everyone hates being a woman, surprise surprise.

at some point i realized i don't have to be a woman if i hate it so much, no one is forcing me to live like that except myself.

(this is me, two months on t showcasing my new favorite mug.)

i dated another trans guy briefly and he had some tips on how to get on hormones without the hassle of finnish trans health care, and when i heard it i immediately knew i wanted it. i had no hesitation and contacted the clinic the same day. it affected me a lot, seeing a hot and out trans guy about my age, short and still so confident in himself. he proved a lot of my fears wrong, and it was the final push i needed to start a medical transition.

it was like admitting something i had known for years and yet i had to practice saying it out loud. a big thing that made all the difference for me was that i realized that i didn't just have to tolerate being who i was "born" as and i could choose what to do with my life.

i would say that the biggest reasons it took me so long (29 years) to realize i was trans were:

gender-neutral language and upbringing

lack of information AND misinformation about gender affirmation and trans healthcare. transphobia made me think i was going to be ugly and unlovable if i transitioned. also the trans clinic in finland seems to be widely feared and hated, and i have medical trauma and putting myself through that seemed like a nightmare. i am now getting a referral to the clinic, now that i'm four months on hormones and getting my top surgery next week (i still need the finnish diagnosis to get hysto). i am still afraid of the clinic.

man-hating in leftist circles. even my trans-inclusive friends said jokingly that all men are awful or that they hate being attracted to men. it made me afraid to tell these people i was a guy and i held a lot of similar beliefs

i had Other Issues going on and it was easier to blame my discomfort on anything else than dysphoria

fear of transphobia. online it seems like everyone hates us and i was worried people were going to cut me off. well, no one cut me off and people have been kind and accepting, curious and supportive. i'm the first trans person a lot of people around me have knowingly met (i hang out a lot with 50+ yo athletes in my boxing circles) and even people who have never heard of it before are accepting. most people don't actually care, including my parents (i did mention the feminist thing upfront lmao)

the last part is kind of hard to explain but admitting i was a guy felt like giving up on something. i was a good-looking woman with, as mentioned, great assets (f cup tits at 21 did make me feel Some Type of Way) and i had some shame in admitting that i didn't want the attention i'd been getting. like i said, this is hard to explain but i felt like i was losing some privilege or "downgrading" from a hot and weird woman to a short and weird man.

my dysphoria didn't make me want to kill myself. i think there's a lot of emphasis on trans suffering, and because my genitals or boobs didn't make me always feel awful, i thought it was just body dysmorphia (thinking i was fat or ugly when i was neither)

after i started my transition and came out of the closet, i've been happier with myself than ever before. ofc my issues didn't just magically vanish, but my self-hate is not adding to the pile. for the first time ever i feel HOT and BEAUTIFUL and when i look in the mirror i smile.

i think admitting the truth to myself and my loved ones WAS terrifying, but i've never felt loved in the same way. i love myself as ME and so do my loved ones.

one more thing, i think that when i was presenting a woman it was really conditional to me. i was only a woman if i was dressed femme enough or had makeup on or when my hair was done and then the rest of the time i didn't feel like anything, really. when i came to terms with being a guy, i feel like a guy now 24/7. i don't have any terms and conditions to being a guy the same way i had for being a woman.

i know this was like the new new testament, feel free to ask about any of the specifics for clarification!

[docholligay]

Eurovision: The winner tomorrow

So my other two posts: Maybe y’all will STILL care about random drama tomorrow, and WHY the running order matters, but after tomorrow, NO ONE will care about my thoughts about who might win, who I’d like to see win, and the odds. WARNING: I FEEL LIKE THIS IS OBVIOUS BUT I DISCUSS ALL THOSE THINGS BELOW

My preferred winner out of the top two (Sweden and Finland): Sweden. I have no particular love for Sweden’s song, but I am annoyed that Finland cannot sing his, at all. I have been singing this song during my slow runs, to test my theory that I could be doing a brief canter about a box and actually sing-talk that song, versus being held up by a backing vocalist on a song that is not difficult. I liked that song SO MUCH before my disappointment that he can’t actually do it. Sweden brings a VERY tight package, and while neither of those are my favorite, I prefer Sweden’s ability to hit the note they said they could.

My preferred winner of the top 5: There’s a wide gap between 2 and 3 in the odds, so I grouped these--I’d like to see Spain win. She has a very clear idea of what she wants to see happen onstage, and she executes this song perfectly every time. It won’t because the style is something that does not have mass appeal, but I’d like to see it.

My preferred winner of the top ten: Spain, above. Would have been France, but she’s not been executing in rehearsals.

My winner because I’m allowed to let whatever I want to happen: There are three!

Portugal: This is my favorite song of the year, I would LOVE to see more broadway/cabaret style music there, no one has EVER EVER won from second position, and I love that she’s just a 38 year old real estate agent.

Belgium: Not for love of the song, but love of Gustaph, which I DO think is a little bit of a crime, but there we are.

Croatia: I really adore this true punk shit, but also, in an early interview they said if they won they would be naked and have sex onstage, and I want that. More importantly, I want the BBC to have to deal with that.

Who i THINK will win: Sweden, and I’m not mad. they brought an excellent package, they will be great hosts, and I want to see Ireland’s record go down because it was only due to the language rule.

Odds top ten to win and my thoughts:

Sweden: Loreen is just, good

Finland: he would be a shoo in if it were tele only. I liked him a LOT before the semi where it was revealed he can’t deliver an easy to sing song (yes I am still mad abotu this)

Ukraine This high for political reasons. Not that it’s a shitty song or anything but it’s firmly midtable.

Israel: There was a fuck up in the jury show today that will keep her out of winning contention

Spain: Too divisive to win, but also in my heart. When people say they want ethnic music, they mean “stuff i already like but with a flute”

France: MAN, do I hope all this is wrong and she KILLS on Saturday.

Norway: I keep meaning to do a post on the difference between a whistle note and a high pitched scream.

Italy: I love this song; it is this high because of a tendency to favor Italian entries.

United Kingdom: I SO disagree with this to the point of being shocked when i saw it. I think the Uk is in danger of bottom 5. Maybe not because it’s a bop or whatever, but she is NOT performing this song well.

Austria: Love this song. Wish the staging rose to it.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Which Sweden wins were deserved and which ones weren’t, according to me:

1974 - Waterloo by ABBA. Deserved.

This is the reason ABBA’s career set off! And they’re amazing!

1984 - Diggiloo Diggiley by Herreys. Deserved.

I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE DIGGILOO DIGGILEY. I used to listen to this on a CD so much as a kid that the CD broke. It’s silly, it’s catchy, it’s cheesy, it’s amazing. To think, back in this day you could win by singing about something so simple as golden shoes.

1991 - Fångad av en stormvind by Carola. Deserved.

It is catchy asf and easy to dance to. I get it.

1999 - Tusen och en natt by Charlotte Nilsson (Perelli now, but Nilsson in 1999). Undeserved.

This is probably the most ”unknown” of the Sweden wins and sorry to all the Charlotte fans but i’m just not feeling it. Both my parents have said they were very surprised this even won because they weren’t that into it either. It’s not a bad song, but idk if I would call it a winning song either. But oh well, there were other tastes and standards in 1999…

But another reason is that Iceland came in second this year and if we hadn’t won, they would have gotten their first win.

2012 - Euphoria by Loreen. Deserved.

Euphoria was amazing. It’s still a song that plays and holds up.

2015 - Heroes by Måns Zelmerlöw. Both deserved and undeserved.

I was not expecting him to win in 2015 and when he did, I was very happy about it. His song was good and I think what really stood out was the effects with his little animated dude. The only problem is that his win lead us to

1. Have like 7 years of men representing us in esc, all with pretty similar songs and I can barely remember how half of them except for in the chorus. The only exception was 2020 with a trio of women, but then we didn’t have any competition. Finally in 2022 we had a woman compete again and it really felt like a bit of fresh air.

2. Insert Måns every year in esc somehow. Stop inserting him. Stop milking the man.

2023 - Tattoo by Loreen. Undeserved…?

The question mark because I don’t know how to feel. I should feel happy that we’ve won, but I did not at all feel that. Especially when it was so clear that the audience wanted someone else. It didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel fair. And I think swedish media definitely makes it worse when they openly mock the others, especially Finland, over this win. They’re making us look like prudes and kind of insensitive with the things they say. It’s like not even swedish media can celebrate this because they wanna focus on the negative backlash. Like with this behavior, I think we deserve as little points as possible for at least 5-10 years so we can fucking calm down, because I’ve noticed kind of already after Måns’ win we’ve developed this hubris, and I had hoped we’d start to calm down, but now with this win I am sad to say it’s probably not gonna disappear for a longer while.

But at the same time. The song isn’t bad… and Loreen is a queen. And I gotta say, I didn’t think she’d win. First of all, she competed in our national competition in 2017 and didn’t even get to the finale, so I was unsure at first what would even be different this time. Then she won, and I thought, well, people have sent precious esc winners before. It’s never gone that well except for one time in the 80s, but that is an exception. But I guess Loreen just has that po-po-po-pooooooweer /j So seeing her win actually was a bit of a surprise. I knew she’d be popular with juries, but I really thought ”oh but the televoters will probably only give her 100 points at max”. Haha…

It’s cool that she’s the first woman to have won twice, but tbh, eventually it’s just gonna be a textbook trivia. I mean, how relevant is Johnny Logan now? Now we need other records to beat - maybe first band to win twice (Måneskin, Lordi? Maybe?), maybe first country to win with only jury/televotes because the other gave them 0? This year was also a learning year how to do it next time, or possibly a protest to change the system. Honestly, the voting system has changed so much in years, and now we at least have the power in the semi’s. Maybe it will change, maybe it will not. We’ll see.

Also as a final note: There’s a lot of songs you barely remember who have won. From 2016-2019, the only song I remember is Toy by Netta. Also, there’s gonna be so much other underserved wins in the future. Both in our national competitions to choose a representant from our country, and in esc. What happened this year has def happened before.

I’m a bit curious what next year will bring. But I do think this win was more undeserved than deserved, even if I could see why it would win too.

[11thfempachi]

Hate with all of its synonyms in the English language will never be enough to even approximately describe how much I fucking despise yours and your fanbases and your country's sheer existence and every dickhead self proclaimed rad who cheers on you, defends you and kisses your ass like they're paid for it. The sheer fact that you can admit with your full chest that you can look deeply into the eyes of a man, who would cross a river of shit and blood for a couple bucks and send an another batch of greedy zombies you yanks defend as martyrs because their student loans apparently cost several innocent lives as long as the lives aren't white yanks, and see this empty void that's blind to rivers of gore he causes to flow for a living, and turn a blind eye yourself and get next to zero backlash - it all proves to me American left is nothing but a parody of itself. And when you did receive some criticism it was either from foreigners whose opinions are like a third of a yanks opinion to all you or from those eager to witness "drama" before they switch to something more entertaining.

My country hasn't suffered from imperialism in like 700 years or so. My country's wealth and identity is built on bones that were burnt to dust to warm the homes of the "most hospitable nation" - like millions of adyghe, jews, romani, ukrainians, tatars, koreans, kalmyks to name a few and those countless others whose names were lost to time because they were forced to abandon them to accept the 'correct' identity and the 'correct' religion. And that is if we don't consider foreign invasions that didn't end in destruction of culture and national identity like the coup in Afghanistan and occupation of Finland, Poland and attempts to colonise Mongolia. Finding a leftist here - even simply a liberal-leaning anybody - let alone those who know of and acknowledge at least a fraction of those atrocities I mentioned and do care is nigh impossible. Some of them can be met among radfems. Some. A lot cannot even attempt to give a fuck about ongoing struggles of fellow women in other countries, only caring to look into news to say "oh, thank god white men aren't as barbarian!". But even in these more xenophobic circles, If i ever dared to hint on happily making babies with my beautiful jakey boy who sends new meat to bomb Ukrainian villages off the face of the earth, even if there would be a couple of snarky voices in my support here and there, my shit would be shut down faster in most communities before I could even say hi. Can you imagine me posting something on here? I would be thrown to the wolves, and I would say rightfully so, but seeing as how you are being treated - no it's not. Oh yanks are so quick to pass judgement on what happens everywhere else. Our little American boys are being sent to war - they're brainwashed, they're victims, they're helpless and are trying to survive. YOUR men are going to war - because they're soulless bloodthirsty colonisers. Our politicians is our only choice, our system is flawed, we have to pick the lesser of two evils - for us, of course, for those who are being killed for our wealth and prosperity nothing will change. Your politicians have power because they were picked by a fash majority - absolute majority, almost everybody, actually. Our veterans were fighting for our freedom in countries that couldn't possibly win a war against us by themselves. Your veterans are willing enforcers of imperialism.

I, honestly, already forgot how and when I wanted to end this. It's 8 am and I'm sick. But if there is a God, if hell is real, and if he ever discovers a sense that he only ever expected us to have in a fit of unimaginable egoism - that is shame, and if the eternal hellfire is my destination, then I hope I'll die shortly before you - and I get to see you both fall into the deepest pits of hell, and all I'll be missing is knowledge that his body was torn to pieces by wild animals who are returning to blooming gardens of Palestine and Afghanistan where people regardless of who they are are free to rest, walk and sing - from then and forever.

I do wish you to read my response. But I don't expect much from you. All I will definitely receive is either a snarky response along the lines of "omggg you're so obsessed with me teehee" or "wow okay crazyy are you done yet?" or a pathetic defensive rant painting you and your piece of human shit jakey as the victim, proving my point. If you'll even read this before blocking me. You won't. I know you fucking won't. I don't even know why I'm writing this now. But I hope you get at least a glimpse of how much I hate you and everybody, everywhere who thinks like you. See you in hell.

Post on Tumblr: "mushrooms are yummy"

Comments: "what about poisonous mushrooms? Stop spreading misinformation"

"I have mushroom allergies. You want me dead"

[justdontaskme]

Don't Let Go (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

A/N: Didn't think I'd have another one up so soon. Thank you for the love on the last one! Hope you enjoy this one too! This one is like a continuation of this fic, but it also can be read alone. Also that Spain vs Finland game! I had so many emotions!

You were lying awake quietly in bed, your head rising and falling with Alexia's breaths from its spot on her chest as the midfielder continued to snore away. It had taken her quite a while to actually fall asleep last night, but once she did she was completely out. 

Normally, Alexia would be the first between the two of you to wake up, but these last couple of days had been extremely draining on her. You couldn't blame her. All of her plans and goals had changed in a second. Her dreams crushed. You just wished there was something you could do to help besides just sitting there.

Since she officially got the news of her torn ACL, your girlfriend had been hiding her emotions about sitting out for what could have been her breakout tournament. While many people already knew how amazing of a player she was, you knew she had her sights on bringing Spain up to that next level. 

It was starting to worry you. She hadn’t cried or grieved. Instead, she just stared off into space and tried to put on a happy face when around her teammates. But you knew it was her pretending that everything was okay. 

After many long talks and assurances that you would support whatever decision she made, Alexia chose to remain with her team and cheer from the sidelines. 

The decision didn't surprise you much. Her love for the sport surpassed the love many claim to have. And while it may hurt sitting on the sidelines, you knew she wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Plus, she wanted to be there to encourage her teammates and make sure they knew how much she believed in them. 

Just a few short minutes later, Alexia’s alarm went off, breaking the peaceful silence and waking your sleeping beauty from her much needed sleep. You were still amazed that she could wake with the first alarm, whereas you had to set three or four to make sure you weren't late to anything.

From your spot, you turned your head just enough to see her begin to stir. One arm blindly reached for her phone to turn off the alarm, as her eyes struggled to open.

"Morning, babe," you whispered, afraid of destroying the tranquility of the morning. 

"Why are you awake?" Alexia seemed genuinely confused to see you up before her. She actually had to do a double take. 

You shrugged, grabbing her arm resting on your hip and wrapping it around yourself more tightly, "Couldn't sleep. Your snoring was very loud."

She didn't laugh but you saw the slightest uptick of her lips and considered that a win. It was more than you’d been getting lately. It was followed closely by a glare in your direction, “I do not snore.”

“Whatever you say, babe,” you rolled your eyes but leaned up just enough to press a kiss to the underside of her jaw. 

With your help, Alexia went to the bathroom to do her business and get ready for the day. You kept the door open so you could rush to her if needed while you went about to gather her clothes for the day. Alexia had chosen to accompany her team to training, so picking an outfit was easy. 

After brushing her teeth and washing her face, you helped Alexia back to the bed so she was off her feet. You helped her change her clothes, teasing her as you pulled off her night clothes, kissing all of her newly exposed skin. She rolled her eyes at you, shoving you away lightly, but you saw the smile.

In appreciation of your efforts, she dragged your head to hers, so she could kiss your lips. And you were never one to turn down her affection. You felt her tongue just peeking through when the two of you were interrupted by a knocking at the door. 

A quiet groan left your lips before you pulled away, apologetically, pressing one more kiss to your girlfriend’s lips. Alexia seemed surprised to see a man rolling in a cart. 

“What’s this?” she asked as you thanked the staff member, who placed the plates on the desk before leaving. 

“I thought we could have a nice little breakfast together. Just you and me,” you answered, grabbing Alexia’s plate and walking it over to her. “I know you haven’t had much of an appetite, but I still think you need to eat something.”

Despite how much she loved her teammates and their support during this hard time, Alexia had a hard time having meals with them. So, to spare her the awkwardness and pain, you had placed an order to have breakfast delivered to the room in the morning. 

You had kept it simple with an omelet, a piece of toast and some fruit, which thankfully, Alexia picked at and ate most of. But only because you would literally reach over to feed her and reward each bite with a soft peck to her lips. 

Her mood seemed just slightly brighter than it had lately, and you patted yourself on the back.

After breakfast, you helped clear the plates, so Alexia could relax in bed while you got ready for the day. As you finished getting yourself ready, you turned to see Alexia waiting for you near the end of the bed.

"Can I wear this?" Alexia asked.

Your attention turned towards the item in her lap, where she was gingerly holding the black hat you’ve been wearing since the Italy game. It was nothing special, so you were a little surprised to hear her ask for it. Nonetheless, you'd give her whatever she wanted. 

Without answering, you walked over, taking the hat from her hands so you could place it on her head yourself. After making sure it was fitted on her head, you brushed her hair back, cradling her face in your hands. "What's mine is yours," you said before bending over and laying a soft kiss on her lips. 

As you returned to your full height, Alexia leaned forward, turning her head at the last minute so her cheek was resting against your stomach. She didn't say anything, but you knew she needed this. Her arms were wrapped tightly around your waist as you rubbed her back in soothing circles. While Alexia still had yet to fully express her bottled up emotions, you did notice her need for your physical touch. 

"Ready to go?" you asked her, double checking that you had your phone, wallet, and keycard. She nodded her head, thanking you as you grabbed her crutches and held the door open for her. 

The two of you were sitting on a long couch in the lobby, you on one end by the armrest, with Alexia’s back leaning against your side, her leg propped up on the other end of the couch. A random passerby may consider it rude, but you didn’t care. Your girl mattered more. 

Eventually, her teammates made it down, Mapi and Leila spotting the two of you first. The Melis made their way over, waving at you with their usually infectious smiles slightly dulled as they approached. 

“Hola,” Mapi said, crouching slightly to help Alexia off the couch as she made a move to get up. 

"I'll be here when you get back," you told her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "My phone is on so call or text if you need anything from me, okay?"

She nodded at you before moving towards the entrance of the hotel, Mapi right behind her.

“She’ll be okay,” Leila said, wrapping you in a hug you didn’t know you needed until now. “Are you okay?” 

You knew a little about injuries, having had to sit out for the past couple of weeks with a lingering injury that never seemed to go away. But it seemed like a minute inconvenience compared to Alexia’s situation. 

“I will be,” you said, trying to be convincing as you rubbed your forehead against Leila’s shoulder. 

“We are here for you, too. Do not forget that, hermana,” Leila said. 

When you pulled back you found her eyes bearing into yours as she tried to find any sign of you spiraling. She knew better than to push you. So, when she found nothing, she decided to let it go for the time being. Your best friend said goodbye and promised to keep an eye on Alexia while they were gone. 

With nothing else to do until Alexia and the girls were back, you and Alba, who had flown in with Eli the day before, decided to explore the city a bit. The two of you were definitely in need of a caffeine fix. 

Thankfully, you and Alba got along quite well. In fact, there were times that Alexia would be more annoyed than anything about how well the two of you got along. It always came at her expense as the two of you easily teased her mercilessly about anything and everything. 

Honestly though, Alexia couldn’t be happier that you and her family meshed well. Family was everything to Alexia, so it meant the world to see her family accept you with open arms. 

Having her family there had helped, but not as much as you had expected. Your girlfriend’s eyes lit up and instantly watered when she first saw them, but being the stubborn and strong woman she was, Alexia held her tears back. Not even her mother’s loving embrace could tear down her walls. 

It made you frown. Since the incident, Alexia had been bottling it all up inside of her. While she expressed her frustrations and disappointments, you had yet to see her grieve the momentary loss of her first love. Soccer was her world, and it was now just out of reach. 

After finding a nice coffee shop within walking distance of the hotel, you and Alba placed your orders and went to take a seat. 

“How are you doing?” Alba asked, not even easing into the conversation. 

“Me? I’m doing fine,” she fixed you with a look that told you she didn’t believe you.

“It’s just me, Y/N. You can tell me how you’re really feeling. I know this is a lot for you, too,” she reached across the table, lightly laying her hand on top of yours. 

You sighed, “I hate that I can’t take her pain away.” Your hands began to fidget with whatever was in reach. “She didn’t deserve this.”

“Life is unfair sometimes, but trust me. You being here and helping her through this means everything to Alexia. My sister is lucky to have someone like you who cares and loves her so much,” Alba stated, her tone leaving no room for arguments. 

“I wish I could do more. It hurts me to see her in such pain,” you added on, the need to vent finally hitting you without the guilt of unloading onto your girlfriend or your friends who needed to stay focused on the tournament ahead of them.

Alba was shaking her head at you, “There’s nothing else you can do but be here for her. And you are doing a wonderful job. Don’t undermine how much you mean to her. Do you hear me?"

You nodded your head, "I hear you. Thank you."

“You are like family, Y/N. Never feel like you can’t come to me or my mama for anything,” at those words, you felt your eyes start to water.

“Thank you,” you repeated, wiping the tears from your eyes before they could fall. Managing a few deep breaths, you regained your composure, returning Alba’s embrace fully to express your gratitude.

Eventually, your drinks arrived and you and Alba diverted to lighter topics, such as her next vacation plans and her work. 

Halfway throughout your conversation with Alba, you finally get a text from your girlfriend. At first it's just a text saying she missed you. How she wished you were there with her so she didn’t feel so lonely sitting all by herself. 

Soon the texts were accompanied by videos of the girls training. They included both highlights of the drills and what she thought they needed to work on. You tried not to laugh at your girlfriend's inability to forget about the game for a second, but you also knew that this was how she was dealing with it. 

When she texted you saying that she would be heading back to the hotel soon, you and Alba decided to head back as well. 

You make it back first, falling back onto the bed and turning the TV on for some white noise in the background. 

When Mapi finally showed up to drop Alexia off, you could tell your girlfriend was exhausted. She didn’t say anything as she entered, instead going straight to the bed while you had a few words with the blonde centerback.

She told you how Alexia had been mostly quiet the entire training, rarely talking to anyone and when she did, it was usually a very short conversation. Not even some of the team's crazy antics were able to pull a smile onto her face. After thanking Mapi for the update and her help, you went back inside, eyeing your girlfriend who hadn’t moved after placing her crutches by her bedside. 

Even though she didn’t ask, you helped settle her up against the headboard, adding a few of the extra pillows underneath her bad knee before taking your spot next to her. Alexia seemed lost in thought. Silently, you reached over, grabbing one of her hands and pulling it into your lap so you could rub soft circles over her knuckles. 

It was quiet between you two as you were scrolling away on your phone and catching up with some of your national team teammates, allowing Alexia the quiet time she needed to process her thoughts. When you felt a tug on your hand, you put your phone down and gave her your full attention.  

“Thank you, mi amor, for everything,” Alexia said, lifting the hat off and handing it to you.

You shook your head, pressing it back into her hands. While it was such a simple garment, you liked to think Alexia pulled some comfort from your hat. It was one of the very few things of yours she could wear with her Spanish gear, “You never have to thank me, Ale. I would do anything for you.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” you smiled at her, leaning over to press a kiss to her lips. You couldn’t help the smile forming on your face when you felt Alexia’s hand on your cheek to pull you back in when you started to draw away. “Te amo, Ale.”

“Te amo,” she whispered back, her eyes beginning to water as she looked into your eyes. “Can you hold me?” she asked, her voice cracking. And that was when you knew she had finally reached her breaking point. 

“Always,” you answered, scooting over so that your legs were pressed against each other, your arm going around her shoulder as you pulled her into you as best you could without further injuring her knee.

Alexia did her best to hide her face in your neck as your cheek rested against the top of her head. You couldn’t see her face, but it didn’t take long for you to feel the cries wracking her body. 

You let her have her moment, your hand rubbing up and down on her arm as you whispered little affirmations into her ear, each one followed by a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

“I got you, Ale,” kiss, “Let it out, babe,” kiss, “I’m here,” kiss, “I love you.” 

While it hurt to see her like this, you knew it was exactly what she needed. You had been waiting for this moment, where she finally expelled all the emotions she was drowning in. Now, she could move forward and enjoy her time here with her team.

Minutes passed, maybe even an hour before you felt Alexia’s sobs soften, her body sagging into yours. You moved away just enough to take a look at her. She had cried herself to sleep. 

You would never understand how the world could be so cruel to someone like her, but you knew you would spend the rest of your life doing whatever you could to give her everything she wanted in life.

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Under the read more, the ESC22 songs I am okay with if they win. If a song other than these wins I will bite my thumb at Europe.

Just a couple notes: I've listened to all the songs, but I've avoided watching the performances so I can be surprised tomorrow. If one of these has a flop performance or does an homage to Do it for your lover, I take no responsibility. I've also listed them in the order they will perform, not in order of preference.

Portugal: Maro - Saudade, saudade. I feel like such a stereotype, enjoying my neighbor so much, but I just really like this song. Every time it comes up on the playlist, I brighten up.

France: Alvan and Ahez - Fulenn. I like the song and I love the idea of countries sending songs in minority languages to Eurovision. I hope a win would encourage other countries to do the same.

Norway: Subwoolfer - Give that wolf a banana. I'm over Norway's PR tactics, both last year and this year. And I don't actually like the song because I feel the chorus and the verses belong to completely different songs. But I guess I commend them for sticking to the gimmick.

Italy: Mahmood and Blanco - Brividi. I don't think Italy wants to win and have to host ESC again lmao, but there's something about Mahmood that I can't and won't resist.

Ukraine: Kalush Orchestra - Stefania. I think their song last year was HIGHLY superior to this one, but I wouldn't be mad if they won since the song has a similar vibe of mixing tradition with modernity, and who doesn't love a man's tender feelings for his mom. Combined with breakdance.

Lithuania: Monika Liu - Sentimentai. I just really enjoy this song on audio alone, it throws me back to a black and white movie with a woman in a long bodycon dress. I can only hope the performance captures the vibe of the song.

Sweden: Cornelia Jakobs - Hold me closer. Cornelia sounds to me like "we have Robyn at home" but that isn't a bad singer to sound like, not by far.

United Kingdom: Sam Ryder - Space Man. Coming from a country that is on the bottom more often than not, I understand how the British feel, and I'm okay rewarding the BBC for not sabotaging their entry for once.

Serbia: Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano. From reviews I get the vibe that this performance is weird as fuck. I like the song and I'm on her side regarding her message.

Songs I like but not enough that I'm okay with them winning: Czech Republic, Romania, Finland, Armenia, Netherlands, Belgium, Greece, Iceland, Moldova, Australia

Who are you, I've listened to the playlist so many times and I still can't conjure up your song: Azerbaijan, Poland, Estonia

Get out of my sight: Switzerland, Germany

And of course, my opinion on ✨✨Spain ✨✨ The song just isn't very good, BUT I've been wanting Spain to send a song with Caribbean vibes for a while. (Just wish it had been Caribbean as in Birth of a new age and not as in Slo-mo but baby steps.) I am overall very happy with our entry, I know Chanel's worked her ass off, and I hope this year is the start of Spain getting its shit together for Eurovision. I also wouldn't want us to get stuck in a rut of only sending songs like these for the next few years. Would love to see a song in a minority language, or a song in the style of Celtas Cortos, Basque rock, neo rumba catalana, etc. There is SO much to choose from among our music that Europe would enjoy.

Also, if Chanel gets more than 125 points, she will beat the previous record holder which is Mocedades with Eres tú IN NINETEEN SEVENTY FUCKING THREE. So I don't need her to win. Just getting 126 points shows we're on the right track lmao.

[transmissionsfromthebattlefield]

DEVOtion, Day Two

And then the nerds re-congregated, and DEVOtional Saturday happened.

And what a de-evolved time it was.

The Jimmy Psycho Experiment, who have been DEVOtional openers for a few years now, set a relaxed mood well with their tiki-loungey versions of everyone’s favorite DEVO hits. Attention soon shifted towards the many special guests, whose Q&A sessions took up a good chunk of the night. Good old Mark was back for round 2, though he was slightly more subdued when compared to his misdemeanor on Friday. DEVOtional old timer Jerry Casale, who almost always comes out to support the fans, brought with him the music video premier of his next single, “The Invisible Man.” Without spoiling too much for everyone who wasn’t there, it was hands-down one of the most amusing things I’ve ever witnessed, and it only makes me more fascinated about what exactly goes on within Jerry’s mind that could make him conjure up something so perfectly, undeniably wack. But you’ll all see it in a few months.

Steve Bartek, the guitarist on Jerry’s recent music who is best known for his work with Oingo Boingo, joined Jerry in looking very smart and answering questions. I didn’t get to talk with him at all, but he seemed like a really genuine guy. The dark horse of the program, however, was one Michael Schwartz, better known as Rod Rooter, DEVO’s evil manager from way back. Throughout the night, Mike seamlessly incorporated his character into his talk-talk to the point where I initially genuinely wasn’t sure if he was joking or not when he discussed being the first white guy on King Records with a song produced by James Brown. (Spoiler alert: he WASN’T).

Sometime before DEVOtional started, Max had the brilliant idea of making Rod an entire election campaign which proceeded to snowball from a joke to people on Facebook actually buying made-to-order polo shirts emblazoned with the phrase “America’s Begging For The Barrel Room.” The virus had spread so far that Max didn’t even have to give Mark one of the campaign buttons he was handing out; he had already been given one by someone else. With Mike’s charisma and wit, I wouldn’t hesitate to vote in his favor, and I can’t help but hope he becomes a mainstay. (“The Man” did approve of Max’s effort, by the way.)

Max signed one of his posters for him while I stood by, causing him to ask Max in character, “Is THIS your GIRLFRIEND?” Max would go on to be very fixated on the fact that Mike was a few hours early to the punch on that.

Jerry, Mark, and the rest were signing items for hours. I heard someone say their autograph session clocked in at over three hours, which blows my mind and makes me want to pray atheist style for their dominant wrists. Max used the opportunity to gift Mark and Jerry bags containing some of his original music and hand decorated lab coats, with airbrush art for Marky and colorful tampons for Jer-Jer, while I stood by as photojournalist and emotional support.

(Jerry sadly didn’t try it on for us in person, but the photo he uploaded later more than makes up for that.)

I wasn’t immune to the photo opportunities, either.

All the while, Al Mothersbaugh’s band, Massive Hotdog Recall, brought the party as usual, proving that “Shout” can be a good song if you add some non-synthetic, whip-spankin’ horns to it. New Devolution, an energetic tribute band who came all the way from Chile to perform, followed by plowing through high-power early 80s DEVO tracks. The fun factor was through the roof as the spontaneously generated giant helium balls the crowd was serving around threatened to make a dent in it.

After the raffle, which I did not win anything at, the highly anticipated Fight Milk, who were not balls, took the stage. They exemplified the fun factor just like last year, but having more than one guy on the stage again (while retaining last year’s cardboard cutouts) totally elevated their energy. Alongside Jackson, the band’s creative mastermind and sole constant, it was great having Tavi from Finland back onstage, whether he was flashing a creepy smile at the audience with down pitched vocals or scurrying around the stage wrecking his guitar strings. Those boys be DEVO.

Max was also making his live performance debut, and he absolutely killed it. Not many other DEVOtional performances would both perform a song that hadn’t been performed since 1974 and make the live debut of Jerry’s latest single. (TAKE THAT, OLD MAN! Just kiddin’.) Max took lead on both, and it was so great seeing him in his element. It truly wouldn’t have been the same without him up there in that goddamn tampon coat hurling his Rod Rooter buttons at the crowd. I even caught a photo of one in mid air! I love blinding everyone with the flash from my camera.

Detention finished off the night, though I sadly didn’t get to see most of their set because, deja vu, I was too busy having a conversation in the Ballroom’s bar the room over. (I got to hear their Steve-tribute cover of Oingo Boingo’s “Little Girls” in muffled format, though!) At least I did get to chat with their singer Elliott, who I’ve bumped into a few times on the Kent campus, beforehand. Us Kent chicks gotta stick together.

And then, just like that, the night had winded down. Everyone packed up, stumbled out of the ballroom, and hit up Ubers back to their hotels. And then it was over.

Did it beat last year’s for me? No. That year was too special! But I’ll gladly let it be the first loser.

And hey, I got a boyfriend out of this one, so I guess that’s a plus.

[chantylay]

My personal ranking for the Eurovision Grand Final:

Belgium: it's my favorite song. They definitely got fucked over by the sun's LED display not working, so the stage show is missing some of the imagery I think they wanted, but it's still absolute quality and one of the most technically difficult songs to sing. I'm hoping for a good jury result, but not much else :/

France: folktronica is one of those genres you basically only get at Eurovision and I love it. It's fun. It's culturally relevant. The stage show has a lot to look at. I adore this.

Spain: that choriography! And she's singing full out nearly the whole time!

Lithuania: love the vibes. Some songs get an audience singing and clapping. This one makes you sit down and shut up because you are too mesmerized to do anything else. Not many people talk about this one, but I think they should.

Serbia: if you saw the semifinal performance, you hear how thunderous the clapping was during the chorus. If this doesn't finish top 10, there will be riots.

Australia: pitch perfect vocal. Beautiful song. Beautiful message. Beautiful man in a beautiful dress. *chef's kiss*

Norway: it's fun, it's stupid, and I love it

Greece: beautiful song. I don't get the melting chairs but honestly, whatever.

Portugal: those harmonies tho.

Netherlands: not a lot to see in the stage show, but it's a very pretty song

Poland: his voice is great. The staging is a bit dark, but I like it anyway.

Czechia: fun song. Fun performance. She fixed up those vocals that had been off in the prepaties, and I'm happy to see this song in the final

Romania: it's fun. It's dancy. I like it.

UK: sorry to my one british mutual who is over the moon about this song. I'm not big on songs that are all falsetto like this. Gimme the range. This is comparatively low for personal taste reasons, but it is a good song and I do sing along when it is on.

Moldova: the song isn't amazing but they are having so much fun and I'm happy they qualified.

Estonia: not my genre but it's well done

Ukraine: still very uncomfortable about the two guys with the fake dreads. The song is catchy and well composed, but I just don't love it, and there are a lot of songs here that I do love. I expect them to finish on the left hand side, but this is where they are for me just evaluation the song and not the political context.

Sweden: nice enough, but I don't love her voice or the staging particularly. 0 idea why this is in the favorites to win, but here we are I guess.

Iceland: lovely and melo, but I do admit that I forget about it sometimes.

Azerbaijan: the staging elevates it a lot even if that first part gives me a knee-jerk "why would you lay down on the bleachers" reaction lol. I wouldn't have put them in the final, but they're here.

Armenia: this must be spectacularly boring to watch live, but the song is kinda cute.

Italy: those high notes just sound like so much work, and aparently the dress rehearsals have been a mess.

Germany: it's just a bit boring.

Finland: still find them annoying, but at least they are having fun.

Switzerland: do I even have to expain this one?

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Eurovision 2021 final thoughts

Well.....it’s over.

It feels great, but also kinda weird to be done with it. I mean, it took an extra year to get here! But I’d say it was worth the wait....

Holy CRAP this year was good. Oh my god, this was SO much fun to watch! The presentation, voting, and especially the songs were unbelievably strong! It made me so happy that my bad luck in the semifinals didn’t even let me down all that much, so that’s a good sign. XD

I haven’t shared this before, cuz I didn’t wanna be a downer, but.....there was a part of me that was worried. Even after listening to and loving the majority of the entries, I was still worried that, when the show started, there’d be some kind of big tell that....this wasn’t a “normal” Eurovision. Something that would bring my enjoyment of the show down to a level where....I-I’d only be able to say “at least it took place, but it wasn’t as strong as usual”. That small, pessimistic part of me that was so hurt by last year that it’d become cynical, and scared of getting hopes up.....but I hid it. I love this contest so much that....bringing down the mood for my fellow fans wouldn’t be cool at all.

And thankfully.....I came out of this with a big smile on my face like normal. I enjoyed this year just as much as previous years! In terms of the songs alone, I’d seriously call this one of my favorite years, probably just behind 2016 (my favorite year). The fact that I don’t just agree with the winner, but I LOVE the winner, was definitely the icing on the cake! But the presentation was also outstanding! It really feels like everything was put into this contest to make it as enjoyable as possible with the limitations they were given. The interval acts were great, especially getting to see so many of the winners again! The rooftop concerts in the final were a lot of fun. But, as good as everything in the final was.....When the first semifinal started, and I saw that there was a crowd, coupled with the song that Duncan sang, I legit thought I was gonna cry. That’s definitely gonna stick with me in the future when I think of the most memorable moments of watching Eurovision. I could seriously go on and on about how much I enjoyed watching this....so I will!

Oh god the voting. OH GOD THE VOTING. Tense as always, and I loved it! No clear favorite, the juries making decisions the televoters didn’t agree with, a plethora of different countries getting twelves, and an ending that proved my predictions wrong in the best way possible. It was the BEST way to end the contest, and a very good example of why I’m really loving having the jury vote and televote separated....cuz you never know what’ll happen until the very! Last! Moment!

Seriously, that moment of Finland’s televoting result making them in the lead for a brief period was AWESOME. And then it was Ukraine, and then it was Italy, and I was thinking “oh god slow down, my poor heart-” And yeah, there were SO many great songs and great performances that it really did feel like a close race! 

Even rewatching it was exhilarating! Rewatching it also made me appreciate things that I didn’t before (due to being, well....too caught up in the moment). Like, the wide range of music genres in the top five! I hope this inspires more diversity in future years! I mean, you got Italy bringing us rock (which, by the way, never dies), you got France bringing us a classic waltz, you got Switzerland bringing us a powerful modern ballad, you got Iceland bringing us disco, and you got Ukraine bringing us.....well, a friend of mine called it “folktronica”, and yeah, I don’t think there’s a word that describes them better. XD

Not only that, but there’s one more interesting thing about this top five! Can you guess what it is?

......

......Yeah, only one of them’s in English! Imagine that, entries that DON’T have to be in English to become big hits! Seriously, I’m American and even I know that having understandable lyrics is really more of a nice bonus in Eurovision. What’s most important is having a song that sounds good. And if a song sounds best in another language, you don’t have to translate it for the contest! (Especially if it results in obvious ESL that loses the song’s original meaning, but that thankfully hasn’t happened often) Don’t be afraid to send songs in your native language! I hope people learn from this...

(But then again, this has happened before.....In 2007, the winning song wasn’t in English, runner-up was in multiple languages and third place was also not in English, so....I’m probably putting too much emphasis on this, s-sorry >.<)

But enough about the top five, let’s look at the full results:

I’ll say it again.....this is my favorite winner since “Heroes”. I love the Italian entry, and I’m very happy that they proved me wrong. I didn’t think they could do it. Not only is it a rock song, which isn’t to everyone’s tastes....but it’s from Italy, who seemed to be cursed to never win even while sending fan-favorites year after year. Two second places (oneofwhichwasunserved*cough*2011*cough*butIdigress), one third place that also won the televote that year, and one very, very robbed sixth place. I thought this was gonna be another one of those cases where Italy get screwed somehow by other, more popular songs. But I still absolutely loved the song and rooted for it anyway, and......lo and behold, here we are. A rock song won Eurovision. A rock song in Italian. And it’s awesome, and I couldn’t be happier! To be specific, they were my fourth favorite in the final, but they were my favorite of the possible winners, so it still feels like the best case scenario! Woo!

Having the runner-up also from the Big Five is kinda surreal, since save for Italy they’re usually all underrated due to not having to pass through a semifinal (with exceptions like Germany 2018 and Spain 2012 and 2014). That’s a cool way of looking at this, since.....I’m sorry, but I never got the hype behind France’s song.....It was well-performed, but.....I just find it kinda boring, save for the ending. I-I feel bad that I couldn’t make myself love it, cuz I wanted to, but I just....couldn’t. I guess it’s a case of me being too stupid to get it, pffffff. But I don’t dislike it, so I’m fine with it being the runner-up.

Switzerland won the jury vote and achieved their highest placement since.....*looks it up*....1993, geez.....AKA, their highest placement since I started watching. XD This is FAR from my favorite entry of theirs, but I still like it fine and I’m happy to see Switzerland do well. It was a powerful song. And, unlike other jury-pleasers like the Austrian entry in 2018 and the Macedonian entry in 2019, they actually got a triple-digit score from the televote! They were loved all around! The same goes for France, so....that makes the most obvious “jury bait”, uh....Portugal, I guess. XD

Iceland came fourth, and.....can I just say how bad I feel for those guys? From having a potential win snatched from under them by last year’s cancellation, to one of them getting Covid the day before their semifinal, making them the only act that couldn’t perform live, it felt like Iceland couldn’t catch a break. But thankfully, due to their very strong rehearsals, they were able to rise above it and come fourth PURELY based on the strength of their song. Heck YEAH, what a beautiful ending to this story. They weren’t one of my personal favorites, but it was still a very cute song, and it DESERVES its placing just so much.

Ukraine’s song was one that only got better and better for me over time, and it was also the favorite song of a friend of mine, so seeing them in the top five makes me happy too! That’s a FUN song, and it’s near universally loved, so I wasn’t too surprised. I did guess that it had a chance at pulling off the win, but the competition was too strong. In a weaker year, they probably would’ve done it.

I’m really happy to say this next one: Finland came sixth! WOOOOOO! Their first top ten result since Lordi’s win and awwwww MAN do they deserve it. Such an awesome, intense song! It was my favorite song in the final, and I wasn’t alone! They brought the roof off the place, and for good dang reason! Seeing Finland do so well after being so underrated for so long.....it makes me very happy to see that happen. Especially with a song as amazing as “Dark Side”. It’s now a permanent part of my playlist, and I love it. <3 Empire of the freaks, all drinks on ME!

(I stand by the fact that Finland should just keep sending rock songs to Eurovision. They’re clearly very good at making those)

Now, Malta coming seventh.....hmmm....I have some problems with this? I mean, pre-contest favorites not doing as well as predicted HAS happened before (oh, hello 2017), but that doesn’t mean I’m not a little surprised? I really do think they deserved to do a bit better.....I thought that was a top five-worthy song and performance.....I’m happy with the top five we got, but I didn’t think Iceland and Ukraine would place over Malta! Destiny had one of the best voices of the show! If I had to guess, it was because they performed so early? Or maybe people just overhyped the heck out of it and it got old. I dunno. Seventh is still good for Malta. So yeah, it’s not bad, just a bit surprising.

Lithuania in eighth, I pretty much called. I knew that was a top ten song. Still couldn’t beat LT United’s record though, pfffffff.....Guess Lithuania have to try even harder to do that. XD Russia was another one I knew would be in the top ten. Their song had a very strong message that sticks with you. Lithuania and Russia may not have been favorites of mine, but I can’t complain with their results at all.

And finally, rounding out the top ten is my second-favorite, Greece, tied with Bulgaria! I’m more than happy with this result for Greece - I would’ve liked to see them do a BIT better, but a top ten finish is a top ten finish, and the competition was really strong. Their entry was still fantastic! A powerful song I can’t get enough of AND the best staging of the year. You can’t say Greece didn’t try their hardest!

As for Bulgaria....not complaining. It was a fan-favorite for a while, but for me, it was a song that I loved the lyrics to, but not much else. I did think it’d do a bit better purely because of how relatable the lyrics were, but with this competition? This was the best they were gonna get. XD A slow song in a sea of high energy-performances. Makes it stand out, but not necessarily be what people wanna hear.

The same is true for Portugal, who had the other slower song. THIS was the “jury bait”. XD Seeing how many points the jury gave them compared to the televote....wasn’t all that surprising. It’s not a bad song at all. It’s actually pretty good. And twelfth is a good result for Portugal. I think they can be happy with that. “Jury bait” isn’t a bad thing at all, cuz I’ve liked plenty of songs that’ve had similar results (I’ve even loved a couple of them)

Moldova were a surprise for me. I honestly expected them to place toward the bottom. Their entry was fun, sure, but I didn’t think it....stood out all that much? I feel like it was missing something staging-wise. Moldova’s entries usually have really creative staging, so yeah, maybe I just felt a bit let down. But the song’s good. It just....was a party song in a sea of them. XD

Now Sweden, on the other hand.....I’m actually not surprised THAT much. Yeah, I did at first predict that it’d finish in the top ten, cuz....well, it’s Sweden, and the song was good and seemed to be popular. But after the first semifinal, reading comments and posts from fans really made me realize just how many people....don’t like “Voices”? It’s been called generic a lot, and.....well, I don’t agree. I think it’s a very good song. But I’m just one person and yeah, seeing the popular opinion of it just drop like that made me change my mind on calling it a top ten song. XD Not gonna act like seeing Sweden on the right side of the board (even at the top of it) isn’t still a bit weird, though....

Serbia, I thought would do better. I thought they’d be higher than Moldova at least. That was a big crowd-pleaser and a great hype song. I didn’t think it’d be a front-runner or anything, but I did think it’d be on the left side of the board. I can’t even say that it being in Serbian held it back, cuz this year proves that non-English songs can and will be fan-favorites. So.....I dunno what happened there.

After Serbia are two other party songs, Cyprus and Israel. I have nothing really to say about Israel. I thought they’d do about this well. And Cyprus, I’m kinda bummed didn’t do better, since it was a GREAT performance - it was enough to win me over, when it was a very hit-and-miss song for me before the contest - but going first when already there were a lot of party songs to compete with probably did them in. Oh, and the people who think parts of the song are annoying, like......I did for a while.....ahem. >__>

Then we come to Norway.....who were my third-favorite. At first, I was kinda....OK, very surprised at how they did, especially when it came to the juries. But after learning that they were only five points away from not qualifying for the final.....I’m just happy they were there. I’m happy I got to hear that song in the final. It’s obviously not to everyone’s tastes, so I shouldn’t have expected it to do well. I was just a bit hopeful. As it is, I love the song, and it’s currently one of my go-to songs to sing to myself. XD (Also, TIX is an icon)

Belgium getting only three points from the televote was painful, since I did like their entry a lot......but I can’t act like I didn’t at least kinda see it coming. Even though I liked them, I was still surprised they even made it to the final. XD With such strong competition, a band just standing there and singing a downbeat song? Yeah, this was as good as they were gonna do. Still a very cool song, but standing out was always gonna be an issue for them. They also performed really early on, so that probably didn’t help.

Azerbaijan....oh Azerbaijan.....how did they do you like that. Seriously, down in twentieth? What are they doing in twentieth!? They were one of the best of the upbeat songs! They stood out! I’d put them above Cyprus and Israel easily! I don’t understand that.....I do understand Albania though. They were pretty much doomed. Barely qualified for the final, and then stuck in second position. Ouch. Kinda unfortunate, since I actually like Albania’s song a bit more now after hearing it live....

I really, really, REALLY wanted San Marino to do better. I was HOPING they’d do better. They were clearly trying really hard this year. The little country that could, pffff....And if you ask me, “Adrenalina” is probably the most solid song they’ve ever sent (I say this as someone who loves “Spirit Of The Night”, for the record), so I thought it deserved to give them their best result ever. But....nah. It did worse than “Say Na Na Na” because....I dunno.....Serhat funny? That’s all I got....seriously, it’s unfortunate. The dream should’ve done better than the meme. XD

And we finally come to the flops.....the four countries that got nul from the televote, all automatic qualifiers. Seriously, why did FOUR countries get nul? At least three were saved by the juries, but if you ask me, it was still unfair.....

The Netherlands are the one I easily have the hardest time understanding. Germany, while I found their song funny, I can easily see why people would find it annoying (I DID think the televote would like them MORE than the juries though?), and I was not expecting them to do well, because it didn’t seem like they were trying to do well. They were just having fun. Spain, well.....a good singer does not a good entry make. It’s the Eurovision SONG Contest, not Singer Contest. If the song fails to stand out, you’re doomed. I was impressed by their performance, but it’s still just a ballad. It’s sad when you know the story behind it, though....And with the UK, it was a party song in a sea of party songs. It had TOUGH competition.

But....the Netherlands? Why the CRAP didn’t they get points from the televote? While not one of my absolute favorites, that was a darn good song and a great live performance. What happened? I don’t understand! There was nothing else that sounded like that! It was unique and sounded great, wh- my brain hurts....

On the UK getting nul overall though, I do have some complaints. Sure, it failed to stand out, but to score nothing? A bit unfair, isn’t it? I mean, there was nothing wrong with the song or the performance at all! It was the most fun song the UK have sent in years! I liked hearing a fun song from them! And c’mon, they’ve sent a lot worse before and still got points. “Still In Love With You” got points. That was debatably a joke song. “Love Will Set You Free” got points. That was a boring ballad. Heck, even flipping “That Sounds Good To Me” - it came last, but it at least got SOME points! And that song was CRAP.

Now, thankfully, I didn’t love this song nearly as much as I loved “Bigger Than Us”, so I’m not super salty about it or anything. I’m not gonna rant about the UK coming last again. I’m just.....a bit baffled by the nul. Geez, UK, who did you piss off? Eh, it’s not the end of the world or anything.....and I’ve been through good songs getting nul before (....”Black Smoke”....forever confused TT__TT)

It does make me a bit....hesitant....to track down the BBC commentary for this show. I usually love watching it that way, and it’s my preferred way to rewatch Eurovisions. And usually, Graham is a really good sport about the UK’s poor results (even when coming in last like 2010), but....how’d he handle a nul? XD I hope he didn’t overly praise the song....

So......yeah, that’s about it! I’ve missed rambling about Eurovision, and now.....it’s over! It was a good year, and I had a great time. It truly was a ride. Here’s hoping next year in Italy will be just as fun.

Until next year!

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Italy brings the rock’n’roll youth of tomorrow to Rotterdam 2021

It’s the final day of doing my yet again botched attempt at a review series and I’ve been dying to post my gigantic write-up for my newly beloved Italy, at the top of the bookies, darling of all hearts, ready to rock Eurovision, and even more! Vai vai~

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Representing them this year is Måneskin, a band made up of four - singer and possibly the hottest motherfucker to grace the planet Earth Damiano, guitarist Thomas, drummer Ethan, and the cherry on top - bassist Victoria, whose half-Danish heritage is the reason Måneskin is called Måneskin (= Moonshine). They thought of this name at a “battle of the bands” that they won, thinking they might as well change it to something different, but in the end... say it with me now

They have known each other since highschool, made a band in 2016, won the “battle of the bands”, started out making a living as buskers in the streets of Rome, from which they gradually grew through playing small gigs, and later tried out for X Factor Italia season 11, on which they came 2nd.

They went on to release an EP titled after their debut single of the name of the song above, including some of their X Factor covers, and later on got to get big through releasing an album, getting it certified all kinds of goodnesses, having singles from that album be popular, even releasing a documentary of themselves... they’ve done so much in life and they’re only 20-22 years old... aw man, the life is just ahead of them, for them to be so young and win Sanremo on their first try. (And I’ve always wanted them for Eurovision ever since I was aware of their existence, because their music is very nice, and they just feel like charming human beings. So imagine my joy seeing them announced for Sanremo 2021? And them WINNING months later??? man what kind of luck do I have even if just for a year lmao <333)

“Zitti e buoni”, the last song title alphabetically this year, is purely of the band’s making, and the lyrics are talking about not abiding the rules in general, how they’re out of their minds but they’re not like “them”, and how people talk but don’t know what they’re talking at all.

REVIEW

IT’S A PRETTY CRAZY GOOD ROCK SONG AMEN HALLELUJAH OPRAH WOOOOOOO

wbk I love it. Yeah sure it might be composited of something that sounds like standard rock riffs and what not, but it’s the ENERGY that goes into it that gets me more excited for this than for Finland, a fellow rock song of this year’s final.

Damiano’s vocals have the specific kind of rockstar tinge to them, and they’re very complimenting to the song. The way he says everything is beautiful, the “e buonasera signore e signori” line in particular is just a moment that shows the beginning of power somehow, I don’t know. The chorus is great, eventhough it’s just one line repeated but it changes the pronoun each time (going from “I’m out of my mind” to “you’re out of your mind” to “we’re out of my mind”) - MAGICAL.

And the bridge. YES, the bridge. Along with the outro it’s the best part of the song. The chord progression. The lines repeated on that bridge. The emotions going on. The delivery of the lines of the emotion. It’s a convincing little bridge, to the point that it sounds just as great with violins! Wish they brought one, because according to Love Love Peace Peace, nothing screams winner quite like a violin.

God damn to the Måneskinsters pump this song up to the maximum. It was originally a ballad song, and I think that’s for the better for them to present it as a rock song, because a Sanremo ballad in a pool of Sanremo ballads... unless it stands out according to demoscopic & press juries, and there seems to be a no better option at hand that could make them stand out other than just sending a classy ballad, it just fizzles out in a spectacularly lame fashion. Måneskin’s one real shot through was with a song that would make them stand out, and they did it, and they’re here.

Everyone has put in their work, their passion, their skills into this, and it shows off in spades. Måneskin themselves are fantastic and chill human beings, who too, just like Flo Rida, get to enjoy how crazy amazing Eurovision experience is. And for that I salute them with my whole heart. Whatever they do tonight on Eurovision, they’ll leave a lasting mark in it. And for a good reason.

Also an Italian Eurovision edit that doesn’t suck, once again, yay! (In their defense, they didn’t have a whole lot to work with, so they released theirs early - just a few trimmings here and there, and a lyric change so that they skate by EBU easier with their anti-swearing policies. Gahddamn swearing~)

Approval factor: FUCK YES Follow-up factor: The funny thing about this is that last year their entry is about making noise but the song was a love ballad, this year it’s a song titled “shut up and behave” while dressed in a loudest motherfucking musical setting lol. Fuck the rules! It was solely on the Sanremo’s last year’s winner Diodato not to send an entry he thought that would fit for Sanremo, and that’s good on him - he can return next year replenished as all hell, and maybe aim for the trophy again? wishful thinking? aaaa. Anyway on a personal scale “Zitti e buoni” is a marvelous follow-up from “Fai rumore”, even if skipping 2020 entirely, especially after “Soldi”, which was already a fab follow-up after “Non mi avete fatto niente”, and even from “Occidentali’s Karma” on. And so it is subjectively a good follow-up. Italy SLAYS. AQ factor: As I write this, the odds are very much in their favour, if not a little bit too persuaded over the fact that Måneskin gave a good rock performance and knew what they would be doing, or it’s just that the Italians like overbetting for their acts way too damn much. But nevertheless, I just wanna hope for them to break the expectations people set on rock songs in Eurovision and SMASH themselves a victory. Or a top 2. Or a top 5-10. Anything will do, goddamn.

NF CORNER

Well, I promised that I will talk about Sanremo in a NF corner, because this is the first year I actually cared to watch it myself, unlike when I would’ve sided with someone whose reviewing style I love in not caring to watch it, and usually just check all the songs on the last day lol.

One thing about Sanremo that I sorely underestimate is that a handful of artists on there can come across as very versatile, and the one song you loved of one genre they presented several years ago, can be completely different and leave you baffled for days if you’re not very familiarized with their discography and the Italian music scene in general. Which now I’m going to pay an extreme amount of attention towards following Sanremo 2022 on out because hot damn did I never see gems like Willie Peyote coming!

Did I call him a gem over his entry? Yes, somehow. Am I even sure if I’m being serious?

I think I can somewhat agree when I say that for the international fam watching Sanremo at least, “Mai dire mai (La locura)” was a major expectation destroyer, at least for the crowd whose main lookouts in a lineup like this years were Ermal Meta, Annalisa, Arisa, etc. You know they’re gonna bring a ballad, and their ballads are usually decent, but what about the unexpected? That’s where a handful of acts, including Willie, comes in for me. The bass hooks in the second the song starts. The beat is minimalistic but strong enough to slap. The steady rap flow is mesmerizing, paired with that somewhat specifically Italian(?) vocal timbre. The chorus is greatly catchy, and it is a sung chorus, with this song still being largely a rap song. The electric-esque guitar soundwaves interspersed throughout the song are magnificent and magical, and on the chorus they even make a constant melody riff that repeats and may get annoying on multiple listens, but I still adore them. I really love the bridge as well and all that goes into it. A fantastic surprise of the season for me personally.

Now I figure that the lyrics may hinder the enjoyment for some, especially the points raised in some lines that may seem questionable and shady (if this went to Eurovision and got a “twerking” comment on Youtube, I will not be surprised if the description of choice is “patriarchic twerking”), but am I supposed to be fully offended at some points of it if I’m not its target audience, although I see some of what I do nowadays in those lines? “Mai dire mai” is probably dedicated to the Italian media and the Italian trends and what not. I’m not even disappointed it didn’t win, because if it went to Eurovision, it would’ve likely been met like a lesser “Occidentali’s Karma” - catchy song with lyrics that fly over listener’s heads which might as well be very accidentally mocking how we live our lives.

“Mai dire mai” has just less of a memorability-in-history value and no memorable gimmicks (Francesco had a gorilla, what is it visually going for on Willie’s performance?), besides, it would’ve suffered even WORSE post-Eurovision-edit than OK has - a lot of the bits and bobs that pass me by but when I notice them they make a really great entry, but other than the (presumably copyrighted) removal of a sample from a TV series (spoken by a fish character, nonetheless), what else is there to remove???? With Eurovision’s rules specifying that brands (Spotify, TikTok) and swearwords (lots of the good old Italian ones that Italian radios would digitally scratch out to emphasize that there were a LOT in the second verse) can’t be sung live, the song loses some of its lyrical charm. And you can’t just go around the song like Francesco Gabbani chopping off entire verses full of content full of witty lyrics and a reference to Chanel in order to present the more lyrically singable-along-to lines and not let go of the long chorus to whom his gorilla can dance to. “Mai dire mai” is RIFE with lyrics, that’s what a rap song is. It would have absolutely fallen apart.

Also no one paged it as a potential Eurovision winner during Sanremo, at least seriously, and it doesn’t have much that would have clicked with the future Eurovision generation and contestants when they would be asked to name their favourite Eurovision song of all times. In a world where from Italy they really like “Grande amore” and “Soldi” and even sometimes could name “Occidentali’s Karma”, is there really a place for “Mai dire mai (La locura)” over “Zitti e buoni”? Who would be naming that song as their favourite of all time? If you raised a hand, you lie to yourself, because that would’ve been me.

Now I don’t know how many of the Tumblr fam would draw ire at me putting out paragraphs worth of me being ultra positive towards this song, because as I’ve learned, there’s an ironic and unironic audience for Mr. Peyote on Tumblr especially, but for me I guess it was pretty worthy, also a thing I was finally able to yell off my chest since, and now I finally said it, I will continue streaming “Mai dire mai (La locura)” in peace.

He might’ve not won Sanremo, but his song won the equally important Mia Martini Critics Award, and also, my heart. Rest in broken shards of the Boris aquarium, my sweet cynical prince~

Måneskin were my 2nd after him so I’m equally happy they won. But what about my other favourites?

• Extraliscio ft. Davide Toffolo - Bianca luce nera A diluted version of the liscio genre, still makes for a very fascinatingly catchy and swaying song with lots of great instruments that are violins and a clarinet. What I figure is kinda a love song. Their performances were also great, with lots of dancers on stage and a genuinely great fun to be had, and you may remember them more after their performance in cover night, which was titled “Rosamunda”. They were the ones with their main singer’s guitar spinning for whatever reason that was there to make their song catchy, I guess.

• Lo Stato Sociale - Combat Pop A little bit of a far cry from their glory heydays with 2nd place in Sanremo 2018, but they returned with an equally banging song and an amazing set of performance chaos they brought in each and every time - dedicating their first night’s one to making a performance to not forget (and being the ones of two to reference the great Bugo&Morgan incident from last year, the other being Willie Peyote), the second competitive one was for referencing politics, and so on.

• Colapesce & Dimartino - Musica leggerissima Sweet melancholic song with the shades of Sebastien Tellier kinda sound, this song may seem jolly at first, but the especially melancholic undertones denote that there’s something else going on. It’s actually about depression, as that’s what the term “musica leggerissima” (very light music) means. But it still found a heart in Italian listeners and the Italian world finally woke up to how great Antonio Di Martino and Lorenzo “Colapesce” Urciullo are, and a handful of viewers were slightly heartbroken to see it not place in the superfinal top 3. Who knows if they would’ve actually won over Måneskin. I just know that their rollerskater girlie is so damn fine~

Bugo has also returned but I think his redemption arc started off the wrong foot, as his return entry, “E invece si”, was a bloated showtune ballad and got obnoxious to listen to at part. I declared to myself that night when I first heard the new entry that regarding on what made “Sincero” great, I side with Morgan.

And a special shout out to Ghemon, whose 2019 song was more than just a “purple rose” unlike I noted on a last proper Italian entry review. I don’t know what expectations I had for him, but I certainly wanted to love “Momento perfetto” more at the first listen, which was also somewhat of a show-tuney piece, but with a bit more funk and pizzazz, also Ghemon was VERY much vibing with his song, and that made me feel great for the few other performances of it that I saw the following days. It’s definitely a grower song, and around 2 months after Sanremo I fell into a bit of a rabbit-hole of his earlier music discovering, and I may be a bit exaggerating but, give Ghemon a bit more of acknowledgement and a stellar enough song, and with a little bit of magic touch, I can maybe see him lifting the Golden Lion trophy one day. Don’t ask why. (also lovely music video for his 2021 entry, which replaces continuous spinning in an aesthetic area to everybody moving their body in a diner (hopefully with everyone in the MV tested and been negative for long enough for the MV to actually happen).)

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

There’s so much needed to be discussed about there. So I’ll restrict myself to the moments that I remember and cherish:

• Rosario Fiorello. Just. Him.

• And the gentleman next to him, Achille Lauro.

tw // body piercing

Belarus 2018 could never

Fiorello and Lauro are perfect matches to each other’s worlds of imagination, and I was more than ever glad to see so much creativity coming from each one of them, a host and a nightly interval act respectively.

• Once again, “Rosamunda Medley” by Extraliscio, I didn’t watch the cover night in its entirety but I think it’s good enough of a medley if it got a 3rd place from the cover night from the orchestra!

• Sanremo Newcomers section of this year. I liked or vibed to almost every song out of the 8, and I’m decently happy with the winner, but if there’s one big shoutout I really want to make, is to “Regina” by Davide Shorty, for it’s such a cozy funky little love song that always makes me happy when I hear it. My personal winner preference, but I don’t mind Davide getting 2nd! For as long as he gets to place 1st in a future main Sanremo event hihihihihi

• Diodato proving himself to be a dance king at the beginning of his “Che vita meravigliosa” performance, my good Twitter friend made a bunch of videos where he dances to a lot of songs, as per request, check them out and you won’t forget it.

• Since Sanremo 2021 got rid of the audience as per COVID regulations and much to Amadeus’s dread, there ended up quite a handful of audience related memes. Such as the penis balloon et al.

• Remember when Sanremo 2021 audience was supposed to be whisked away in a cruise ship for safety measures? Pepperidge Farm remembers

• SESSO IBUPROFENEEEEEEEE

The guy that sang this song actually has the same birthday as me, so in my eyes, I feel like he has some charm to it. I’m biased lol sorry

There’s way too many more but I am afraid of flooding my post beyond your readability interest. Let’s hope that, in an event of Italy’s victory or non, we’ll get to see an even more iconic event of Sanremo emerge come the future. <3

ANY LAST WORDS?

Måneskin’s big goal was to rock Eurovision, and I think they’ve greatly accomplished that by just... doing what they do best, and that is, rocking. They leave energy lasting for days.

In bocca al lupo, fam. You’ll nail it, and even if you don’t win, Italy shouldn’t not hail you as national heroes after it’s all over.

[amoveablejake]

You Never Know...Right?

Why do we do this to ourselves 

At the beginning of the 2020/21 Premier League season I wrote a prediction piece for the year ahead. How that went, whose to say but rest assured I will be held accountable for my horrendous predictions in a piece soon. But today, is not that day. No, because today, less than a week until the 2020 European Championship begins (yes, 2020) I am going to throw down the gauntlet and make some more outlandish predictions that will come back to haunt me. Well, sort of predictions. Last time around I went through every team but I’m not doing that this outing quite simply because I don’t know each team well enough (sorry North Macedonia) so instead I will be going through them group by group and then immediately regretting what I’ve cursed my favored teams with particularly those with the three lions on their chest. *Sigh* Lets get going with the heartbreak shall we. 

Group A: Italy, Switzerland, Wales and Turkey 

I am always nervous about the Italian team. That’s not because of the historical strength of the Italian side and the masters of the game they have produced over the years, its not because of the wonderful kits they have this time around, its not because of the strength of the Serie A, no, its because they won the 2006 World Cup. And sure, since then they haven’t ever hit that height again, even missing out on the previous tournament but as that was the first true World Cup I can remember I live in fear of them. The team this time around is good, I would say even better than that one in 2006 in some key areas but its missing that spark. That Pirlo magic, that knowledge that Buffon is in goal ready to protect you. Ofcourse, I’m sure that Chiesa is going to make this his tournament and run rings around his opponents as he has been doing all season for Juventus. As for the others in this group, Switzerland and Turkey are those sorts of teams that always have an upset in their back pocket and are capable of rallying against the odds to progress further than they may have been tipped for. As for Wales, they are probably the other favourites to progress alongside Italy but I think it will be a much tougher road for them to get out the group stage and if I had to pick my top two its going to be Italy and Switzerland. Lets watch that age badly shall we. 

Group B: Belgium, Finland, Denmark and Russia 

Despite not winning the 2018 World Cup Belgium still managed to exit the tournament with a great sense of accomplishment and have enjoyed sitting at the top of the Fifa world rankings in the last couple of years. A position they do deserve, the Belgium squad is filled with wonderful players, De Bruyne, Mertens, Lukaku, Courthois and two Hazards. The thing is, Lukaku is coming off the back of an intense title winning season in Serie A, De Bryune is suffering an injury and Eden Hazard, well, its not clicked at Real shall we say. Belgium are truly a world class team but I don’t think this will be their tournament, they should however, make it through this group with relative ease. ‘Should’ being the operative word there. As for the others, I would love it if Denmark could make it through to the knockout stage and they do have a good, capable team but I think it will be Russia who make it out. As for Finland, I don’t know too much about the team but I’m always excited to see if an underdog can perform and capture my heart so maybe that will be them. They do have one of the finest kits of the tournament afterall. 

Group C: Austria, North Macedonia, Netherlands and Ukraine 

Like the Belgium group this is another one where you look at it on paper and see the Netherlands storming into the knockout rounds. And yes, they absolutely should. They have a wonderful team that qualified with ease. The orange clad men always seem to enjoy a good run out at international tournaments whilst always falling short of the finish line. I do enjoy watching them play and progress and thats no different here as I’ll be hoping that they do get through. They should, again ‘should’, be joined by Austria but I would love it, absolutely adore it, if North Macedonia went through. What a lovely time that would be. I’ve just realised I haven’t mentioned Ukraine which probably means they will win the entire tournament. 

Group D: Croatia, Czech Republic, Scotland and England 

Here we go. World in motion. Heartbreak city. The England squad is potentially one of the strongest its ever been, sure there are some omissions and the starting xi may not be what I have in mind but boy oh boy do I believe. I believe. And I will believe for about two minutes into the Croatia game. This is a group that has heartbreak written all over it and as a true England fan that is what I’ve come to expect. Pain. Pain that will ultimately come from a brief fleeting moments of the best football you have ever seen and daring to beleive it may infact come home only for that to be ripped away. Its how this works. I’m not even going to talk about the other teams beause I don’t want to tempt fate. Fine. I like Croatia even after all the suffering they have brought us over the years, Czech Republic are always strong and its nice that Scotland have at last come to the party. I just wish it wasn’t in this group. 

Group E: Poland, Slovakia, Spain and Sweden 

For me, this group is all about Lewandowski. After this truly historic season with Bayern I hope that run of form continues into the Euros. Lewandowski is one of those players I’ll be boring the children about and speaking of how incredible his forty one goal season is. It would be great to see him perform with Poland and to take them into the knockout stages and who knows, as Zlatan isn’t with the Sweden team that may happen. As for Spain, like with Italy their triumphant run of trophies from 2008 to 2012 (two Euros and one World Cup) has made me increasingly aware of them and I used to adore watching that team of Torres, Villa, Casillas, Xavi and Iniesta play. But that was then and this is now and the Spain team of 2021 isn’t quite the same of the masters of old but still, they should be progressing here. 

Group F: France, Portugal, Germany and Hungary. 

If Hungary make it through this group. Man alive, we should give them the trophy there and then. This is the party group, the group of death. Three incredible teams going up against each other including the Euros holder Portugal and the World Cup winners France. There are a lot of great narratives running through this group, Portugal are once again being led by Cristiano Ronaldo who is ofcourse desperate to win another trophy and cement his already concrete legacy. Germany are once again looking strong and this is Low’s last outing with the team before passing the reigns over to Hansi Flick. Not to mention Hummels and Muller have been recalled to the squad. And then, there is France. I adore this team, sorry, j’adore this France squad. It is filled with wonderful players (okay you’ve twisted my arm I’ll name them, Pogba, Kante, Lloris, Varane, Griezmann, Giroud, Benzema and Mbappe). They’re such a strong side and play with truly wonderful elegance. They won the World Cup in 2018 for a reason and have only grown stronger. Benzema has been recalled after carrying Real Madrid and Mbappe, well, he’s alright I guess. 

 Writing the above yet again highlighted the fact that this is an incredibly hard tournament to win. There is truyl world class talent on display and no team will walk to the final. But, you have to beleive right. And sure, tears will be flowing, I have no illusions about that, but for now its nice to beleive that maybe just maybe France won’t obliterate us too much. 

-Jake, a man who is getting ready to apply for a French passport, 06/06/2021