#man i really need to watch the rest of the life series i keep hearing abt 5am pearl which sounds awesome

[gl1tchxr]

warden slayer

and without all the effects so you can see my pearl design

[goldenhourwriter]

•✮🕷️𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐤𝐢𝐝🕷️✮•

part one (you are here) • part two •

⋆pairing: miguel o’hara x wife!reader

⋆warning(s): i guess just fighting and some cursing. and threatening to bite someone lol. also i got translations from spanish dict, if i did something wrong, please correct me. i tried to use the right definitions/context to use those definitions in! also pregnancy.

⋆a/n: this was so fun to write! requests are open, and i am new to this blog, so hang on while i get this all figured out. requests are open, and this will be a mini series i am continuing!!

It’s not usually this quiet at the Spider Society.

It’s nice.

I walk around, humming softly to myself as I munch on a banana, a craving I usually get. I let my hand rest on my slightly swollen belly, my suit especially made to let it stretch and give the baby some room.

Yeah, ever heard of a pregnant Spider-Woman?

It happened a couple of months ago, as married couples tend to let happen. It’s twins, actually. One boy and one girl, but, my husband doesn’t know yet. Doesn’t want to know. I called the doctor anyways, and even though he threw a hissy fit that could rival a toddler, he relented and said it was fine.

And, it was kind of nice being alone. A lot of the spider-people tend to do things for me, think I’m incapable of doing things now because I’m pregnant. Even the ridiculous Spider-Man T-Rex gave me a ride through the halls. I snort at the thought, gaining some weird looks.

Obviously, I didn’t refuse. Who would pass up a ride on a freaking dinosaur?

My few 30 minutes of bliss, however, was interrupted by the beeping on my watch. I tap on it and smile when I see Lyla. She gives a wave.

“Hey, big wifey,” she teases, pushing up her pink, heart-shaped glasses. I roll my eyes. Everyone knows I hate that name. It doesn’t make me feel fat, it just makes me very aware of the two babies living inside of me, and how very uncomfortable life can really get.

“Hey, algorithm girl, what’s up?” I shoot back with sarcasm. I am met with satisfaction as she gives me a dead-pan look.

“Haha, very funny, love that,” she says sarcastically. “Your husband is struggling with an anomaly. Earth-65, some kind of Renaissance bird-man.”

I giggle at the thought. I can imagine his annoyance. “Gotcha, and did he actually call for back up?” I ask, but i already know the answer. I take another bite of my banana, shifting my weight onto my right leg. I can never stand still for too long, luckily, being a super hero can keep me moving. Keeps the babies satisfied.

She snorts at me, like i was making some hilarious, un-heard of joke. I relent, sighing and preparing my bracelet to go to the universe she said he was in.

“Alright, alright. How long do you think until he actually asks?”

“I’d give you about two minutes. He’s getting really thrown around with this one. And there’s another spider person, trying to ask him too many questions.”

My eyes perk back up to the hologram when she mentions this. “I haven’t heard of a recruit from Earth-65, is she new?” I ponder out loud. I cock my head to the side, adjusting my mask. Well, half mask. It really only covers my eyes. Lyla nods. “Yup, she’s a new one. She’s a nice kid, too.”

I smile.

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Lyla logs off and I sigh, patting my baby bump. “Alright, you guys,” I whisper to my belly. I stick out my hand and the portal opens, and I jump in. I shout with joy, flying through the portal, and as I practically fall to the other end, my hair whips around.

I fall on the other end, and I groan as my hair blocks my vision. I hear grunting, crushing, wings flapping, and snappy remarks being thrown about, but I can’t see anything. I flip my hair over my head, shaking it out.

“I need a hair tie on these things,” I mumble to myself.

I look over, and I see a feminine-looking spider-hero staring at me. I give her a small wave. Her eyes are wide, I can tell. I examine her suit, which seems like it holds up pretty well. It has hood, which is new to me, and she’s wearing…are those ballet flats? I smile

“Hey, babes! You look cute!” I compliment to the get up.

She waves back again, and she looks down at my stomach. “Are you….?” She trails off. I look down, and put a hand on my hip. “Yep, I am. It’s twins, but don’t tell my husband the sexes yet. He wants to wait.” She nods, but seems to remember that she doesn’t know just who my husband is. She takes a step towards me.

“Who are you married to? Are there even more people like us?” I nod.

“My husband’s right….” I don’t even flinch as he gets thrown into the wall right in front of me, and I smile. “There.”

He groans as he slips to get up, his mask eyes squinting at me. I squint my eyes right back.

“Don’t give me that look. I’m carrying your children,” I scold. He gestured to the giant creature that hurls towards us. “I need help here!” He shouts at me. Lyla puts up on my shoulder, and we both cross our arms. He sighs, looking down.

“Please, Y/N? Sabes que no me gusta mendigar,(You know I don’t enjoy begging),“ He pleads quietly.

Vulture screeches at us. “Love truly makes me sick,” he narrates out loud, and he reaches his talons out for me. I stuck out my wrists and web up one wing, so he goes sideways, just barely missing me. He breaks free, but I web up behind him again.

“Your attitude makes me sick!” I shout at him. “You seem like the Beethoven of your area, jerky, cold, and not the greatest people-person!” I struggle to speak as I try to web him up again, but it doesn’t work. He barrels towards me, and grabs me in his talons. I hear Miguel growl and leap off the ground, landing on his back. He tugs on the man’s feathers, making him spin around to try and find him. I take the opportunity to web myself away from his grasp, kicking him away as I do so.

“Is this guy made of paper?” I ask, rubbing my hands together as I take a moment to actually register what just happened. Miguel grunts, and yells as he speaks to me from the bottom of the building. “Honey, I love your voice, but I really need you to use your actions right now!”

I spot a few witnesses trapped behind some rubble, so I shoot off the side of the wall to swoop them up. They scream, clutching onto me, and I drop them off right by a big police officer. He gawks at me, and I give him salute as Miguel webs me up again. I twist up, getting wrapped in his webbing, and I break free using a kick, hitting Vulture square in the jaw with my foot. He grunts in pain, squeezing his eyes shut, and Miguel uses this moment to try and guide him down, so he won’t escape.

I land right next to, what’s her name? I’ll learn it soon enough. I land right next to the teen as she stares at me. I smirk at her.

“What, never seen two married spiders?”

She swallows. “Can you adopt me?”

“What?”

“What? Nothing! Nothing!”

Miguel groans, and I can tell he’s growing tired. “¡Por Dios! ¿Puedes dejar de hablar por un momento? (Oh, my God. Can you stop talking for a moment?)” He calls out to me. I let out a heavy sigh, putting my hands on my knees. “I’m sorry, but your babies are making it hard to move right now!” I shout at him. Gwen webs away from me, and Miguel lands right next to me again. “Last time I checked, it took two people to make those two babies,” he grumbles. We take a moment and watch as Gwen tries to take down Vulture by herself.

I look at Miguel, and raise my eyebrows. “Did she call ya ‘Dark Garfield?’” I ask. He groans, and I can tell hair eyes shut as his head falls forward. “Yes.”

I giggle. “I like her. Maybe we can recruit-“ “No. No, we can’t, and you know why.” My somewhat playful attitude disappears with a frown, and I nod in compliance. He grabs my waist and he swings us up, and then we fall onto the Vulture back again. I scream through gritted teeth as I try to hold him down on the ground, but he flings me off, a sudden, new found strength in him.

“What the hell?” I curse. “Not cool, man!”

“This ends now,” he says to me, and he springs upward. I curse under my breath again, but it seems Miguel is on top of it. Literally.

“If he gets out, this whole universe will collapse!” He shouts, mainly at Gwen. I know the risks involved, having to save almost every universe from them every day. I shoot my wrist out, but I groan. I hit my web shooters, but nothing comes out. “Fuck-Miguel! I’m out!” I try to jump from floor to floor, but I quickly get nauseous while doing that. I look down at my stomach again, poking it. “So web slinging is fine but jumping is what doesn’t please you guys?” I ask the unborn babies. I get a mere kick in return. “I know that was the girl. That was way too sassy,” I grumble to myself.

Spider-Girl lands right beside me, and she looks at my husband and he battles Vulture. They both crash right through the glass ceiling, and we shield ourselves from the shards that could possibly cut us. She looks at me.

“What is he gonna do?” She asks. Miguel takes the Vulture’s face in his hands, and opens his mouth, wide, baring his fangs and giving a loud roar. “Oh snap,” whispers under his breath. But, he’s cut short, when a helicopter shines a light on him. He yells at the helicopter, his mask coming up again to cover his face.

“I’m a good guy! I’m here to help!” He desperately explains. My spider senses then go off, and I scream up to Miguel.

“Miguel! Watch-!“

I’m too late. Vulture throws two weapons at the helicopter, and then the helicopter starts to spin, going down, and fast.

“Shit.” All three of us say in unison.

I look to the kid, and she’s already looking at me. I nod towards her, and she returns the gesture, and we both know what that means. She launches off the floor, and she begins to web a net. I take a deep breath. “Alright, babies, don’t make me throw up,” I say sternly to my unborn babies.

I leap off the ground, and I fly through the middle of the helicopter, grabbing the two pilots and landing on the fourth floor of the building. I grunt as I roll on the ground with them, and we writhe in pain.

I turn to the both of them, checking on them, and I run to the edge, well, the mess that made the edge. I look down, and the teenage girl is flying through the air, webbing up a net. And just as the helicopter is about to crash, she flies right underneath it, just barely getting nipped by the chopper.

She lands, breathing heavily.

“Wow,” I whisper. Miguel hops a bit in front of me, landing on some rubble.

“I was gonna do that,” he says quietly to himself. I can tell he’s thinking her, thinking about her hard. Miguel and I share a glance at her, and she nods. She turns and hops down from the huge rock, and goes back towards the wall, out of sight. I turn and see the two pilots staring at me. I smile.

“Yeah, I know, there’s lots of freaky spider people, that was my reaction too. Cmon, let’s get you two a medic.” I reach down and offer my hand to them, which they take, one at a time. I help them to the big opening in the building where the door used to be, and I hand them over to some officers.

I sigh, turning around to find my husband surveying the area.

I walk up to him, putting a hand on his back, feeling his tense and rigid muscles, alert and still in attack mode. He seems to relax a little at my touch, and he lets his mask down. I grin, amusement

“Your hair is all messed up.” “Can you and I have one good moment after a battle where you don’t make fun of my hair?” “Absolutely not.”

He lets out a low growl, rolling his eyes. I walk a little in front of him, and stare at the place where the teen escaped to, hearing some grunting from there. No doubt she’s recovering on her own. My hand comes to rest on my stomach, my thumb running over the bump. I turn back to Miguel, my mouth open to speak, but he beats me to it.

“I said no,” he rejects me as he leans down to pick up some broken machinery. He scoffs at some poor excuse for art. “I’m starting to think Vulture did everyone a favor by destroying this place, this art sucks-“

“Miguel O'Hara, no cambies de tema,” I say sternly. He lets out a sigh. Spanish isn’t even my main language, so when I speak it, he knows I’m not messing around. He spins around, holding a figurine of a balloon dog in his hand. I would find it comedic, a big guy like him holding a small thing like that, but not when he’s trying to avoid my questions.

“You know we can use her. I’ve never seen anything like her, and she even beat you to one of your moves. You have to agree with me on this!” I gesture out in front of me, as if the conversation is laid out in front of us. Miguel sighs, walking up to me with his hands on his hips. His expression is hard, but his eyes give it away. He’s considering it, it helps if I’ve spent about a couple years with him now.

He brings his hand to my waist and another to my hair, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead.

“Te amo demasiado a veces,” he mumbles into my hair.

Okay, that gives me absolutely nothing.

His hand travel down to my stomach, and his two very large hands splay over my tummy. His lips quirk up a bit as one of them kicks against my skin. “Did you do okay today?” He asks quietly, referring to my very pregnant self. I nod, but it doesn’t seem to reassure him.

Vulture struggles next to us, but we just give him an annoyed look. “I’m done with your attitude!” Miguel tells him, pointing at him. He sighs, turning back to me, grabbing my waist and pulling me impossibly closer, so we’re basically sharing the same breathe. My stomach flutters. Even after marrying him, he really can have the same affect on me from when I was a new recruit.

“You know you can always opt out whenever, I can call for other backup,” he says quietly. He’s trying to spare my feelings, not letting others hear so I won’t get embarrassed. I’m never embarrassed, it’s life, I got pregnant, but I appreciate the sentiment. I lean up and kiss his nose.

“I know, thank you, but really, I’m fine.” I stick a hand up as he begins to protest. “At 7 months, I will take maternity leave. I’ll rest and just be the desk person, okay?” I ask. He debates it for a moment, and lets out a grunt and nods. We stay in our somewhat embrace for a bit, when we hear a gun shot. My head whips to where Spider-Woman went and hid, and I look at Miguel.

His mask forms again, and he kicks Vulture, telling him to be still as he picks him up. Miguel picks me up with his other arm and swings to the opening as we fall in.

“Dad, please!” She begs the cop standing across from her. Miguel shoots a containment pod at him, and she runs towards him. I grab her by the shoulders, trying to use my softest voice.

“Hey, hey, kid. Hey, it’s okay, we’re here, we got you,” I say quietly to her. She’s crying as she clutches onto my arm, staring at her dad. Miguel opens a portal, and I give the kid one more pat and walk over to him.

“What are we gonna do?” I whisper to him. He looks at me. “What do you mean?”

I roll my eyes.

“We can’t just leave her here!” I get a bit louder, but he shushes me, putting a finger up. My jaw drops.

“You did not just shush me,” I growl.

“Oh, I think I did.”

“Oh, I know you didn’t-!”

Miguel and I bicker back and forth, and at some point, Vulture voluntarily hops into the portal, all tied up, not wishing to stick around. I stick my finger up as I try to argue with him, my hand coming to my hip, and he towers over me, but that never took away my edge.

Then, some sniffling gets us to shut up.

The kid looks at us, her eyes watery and wide. She looks like what she is…a teenager who’s lost and alone. She opens her mouth to speak. “I-I don’t know what to do.”

I look slowly at Miguel, and he lets his head hang forward.

“Yeah, well….”

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Join the club.”

🕷️ 💍

[lcvesjj]

Bad Omens - Deacon Kay x Fem!Reader

Based on the song “Bad Omens” by 5SOS

This is part of my ‘song fics’ series :)

Summary : You'd always come in second place to Annie. Maybe you were right. This relationship was a mistake and you should've listened to the warnings. Since he'll always love somebody else..

Warnings : angst, angst, angst & once again angst. no happy ending, breakups, (Deacon gets back w Annie), in this fic Annie & Deacon don't have kids !!!, heart break, talks/mentions of cheating?

NOT BETA READ!

A/n : the fanfic writer curse has really been kicking my ass recently :’) so I wasn’t posting any fics for a while bc of it. But anyways enjoy and as always this is just based on my interpretation of the song/lyrics :) (yes I am incapable of writing a happy ending currently🥲) I might rewrite this someday since I'm not 100% happy with how this has turned out.

word count : 672

song fic masterlist

regular masterlist

Honestly you should've seen it coming. You always knew you'd come second place to Annie. Deacon's high school sweetheart and “one true love”

Deacon always talked about her a lot since they were still good “friends” Even his coworkers would talk about her a lot. You knew you could never compare to Annie, since she was prettier and smarter and just- more Deacon’s type….

You tried your best to get along with Deacon’s friends, since you loved him so much and you wanted this relationship to work out. 

One day you decided to visit Deacon at the SWAT HQ and bring the team some cookies. Walking towards the HQ kitchen you overheard Deacon talking about you. Pausing you stood still listening in to what was being said. 

“I mean I love Y/n but- she's just not Annie yknow? Annie was always so happy and sweet while I feel like recently Y/n has been pulling away from me. What if she's cheating on me?” Deacon said aloud. He had no idea you heard him. You could feel like crying and your heart dropped to your stomach hearing his words. The man you loved so deeply just accused you of cheating on him.

Quickly turning on your heel you rushed out of HQ still holding the plate with cookies you brought. Getting into your car you drove away towards a nearby beach to sit and think.

You always felt like you were in second place in David's life, but hearing him accuse you of cheating just made you feel even worse. Maybe agreeing to this relationship knowing how much he still liked Annie was a mistake...

Deciding to pull out your phone you sent him a quick text saying “We need to talk. It's important.” Before putting your phone on ‘do not disturb’ and driving home. 

Deacon was already waiting at home for you with a worried look on his face and upon seeing you he started asking a million questions as to where you were. 

“I think we should break up.”

You interrupted him, Deacon's face fell and he looked hurt and confused. “But I thought-” You just shook your head no. “This isn't working. I'll never be first place for you. It'll always be Annie since she's your first and only true love. I overheard what you said at the station and I just can't keep doing this. I can't keep on feeling like I'm less important to you.” You said while wiping away a few tears. 

“Y/n sweetheart….that's not true. I love you and you're my number one girl. Annie is just a friend to me. I've known her for so long it wouldn't make sense for me to just cut her off suddenly.” Deacon said while frowning. 

“I'm done. I'm sorry Deac, I'll go pack my things now. I'll come grab the rest of my stuff tomorrow.” You said while heading further into the house and towards your shared bedroom before grabbing a bag and packing some essentials while Deacon just watched with pure heartbreak and anguish written all over his face. “But we can still be friends right?” He asked nervously to which you shook your head. 

“I think it's for the best if for now we don't contact or see each other for some time.” You replied while zipping up your bag. “I'm sorry David.” You said softly while kissing his cheek one last time before heading out of the door. 

It wasn't fair to either you or Deacon. You knew he always loved Annie more. I mean she's perfect…

-

A few weeks later Deacon and Annie started to date again and seeing their new photos on the social media platforms you were still following Deacon on, you felt like crying. You always knew it would probably end up like this. You'd get your heart broken and Deacon would end up with Annie. But at least you broke the cycle of constantly getting your heart broken every time Deacon sang praises about Annie right…?

[holylulusworld]

The one that got away (2)

Summary: Your best friend breaks your heart.

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, past unrequited feelings, regret, reunion

A/N: This is a little gift for @elle14-blog1 for her birthday. It’s today, so happy birthday, lovely. And, I decided to turn this story into a mini-series. 😁

Catch up here: The one that got away (1)

The one that got away masterlist

The one that got away. Dean scribbled the words on his notebook over, and over again during the conference. 

He didn’t hear a thing you and your assistant or the other people said. All he did was stare at you, his former best friend.

“Damn, sweetheart,” he curses under his breath. “You are rocking that conference, huh? All eyes seem to be glued to you.”

“What?” You ask as Dean seems to talk to himself. “Did you hear me? I asked if you could hand me the laser pointer.”

“What?” Just now Dean realizes you are standing right in front of him. 

“The laser pointer,” you sigh and point at the laser pointer. “You are trying to write with it. It’s mine and I need it for the last part of my presentation.”

“Oh, sorry. I thought it was my pen,” he sheepishly looks at the laser pointer in his hand. Dean huffs. He’s not himself today. Not at all. Usually, he’s controlled and can keep his shit together, even if his life is falling apart once more. Not today.

“No problem,” you fake a smile. “I know you like to grab shit that doesn’t belong to you and charm your way out of it.” You give him an icy smile. “So, enjoy the rest of the conference.”

Dean hums, and watches you walk back toward your assistant. He shakes his head. If only he could shake off the feeling that he lost something more than his best friend when he let you go. 

His heart beats out of his chest when you look his way. You drop your gaze and pucker your lips. A habit he learned to love. 

“She’s good,” the guy next to him tries to make conversation. “No wonder she got the promotion. Smart, cute, and pretty. A pity she doesn’t go out with colleagues…or anyone else. Maybe I should ask her out one day.”

“You better not,” Dean grunts. “I heard she’s got a boyfriend.” He dips his head to glare at the man. 

“Really. Crap, I’ve missed my chance. I can’t believe she found someone. Last month she was still single.”

“Well, her best friend came back into the picture and laid claim on this beautiful woman,” Dean narrows his eyes, a silent warning for your admirer. “She’s taken, buddy. You should move on to someone else.”

The conference goes on for another two hours, but you are ready to hide in your bed and sleep for hours. The adrenaline helping you through the conference and the encounter is wearing off and you are just tired and heartbroken.

“Ready to leave this place?” Dean suddenly stands behind you to look over your shoulder. “I thought we could grab a snack or have dinner tonight.”

You turn around to face the man who broke your heart years ago. 

“Do you honestly believe I want to have dinner with you? We haven’t seen each other for a year. Now we are meeting again, and you want what? Rekindle? Become my friend again? What do you want, Dean?”

He sighs. “Sweetheart, I know I hurt you back then, but can we not talk? I’ve missed my best friend. Please, give me one chance. If you don’t want to see me again, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Promised?” You size Dean up. “If I don’t like what you have to say, you will let me go and never bug me again.” 

“I cross my heart and swear it, Y/N,” Dean crosses his fingers behind his back. He finally met you again, and he’d be damned if he risks losing you again.

“So…” Dean looks at the food in front of him. “How have you been? Any pets? Men? New hobbies?”

“I’ve got two cats,” you smirk darkly. “And they are not a hypoallergenic breed. If you get too close to them you’ll die.”

“I won’t die,” he smirks and scoots a little closer to you. “Only sneeze a little. Sneezing can be damn sexy, sweetheart. You can help me blow my nose and all.” 

You chuckle and steal a fry from his plate, earning a slap to your hand. “Hey!”

“I don’t share my food,” Dean grunts. “I mean, if we were on a date, I’d share my food.” He snickers when you steal another fry. “I was joking, Y/N.” Dean hastily says when you make a face. “You really think the worst of me, huh? I didn’t change so much. I always shared my food with you.”

“I remember our last encounter vividly, Dean,” you snap at him and hate yourself for it seconds later. “Sorry, that wasn’t fair. It’s not your fault that I was in love with you back then.”

“Back then?” He quirks a brow. “You mean, that you’re over me?” Dean shifts in his seat. 

“Dean, it’s been years. Maybe I had a crush on you but—” you bite your tongue. It’s hard to think straight close to him. If you let slip that your heart still aches for him, he will break it all over again. It’s better to pretend that you don’t love him anymore.

“That wasn’t a crush,” he grabs your hand and holds it in his hands. “That was love…is love. I mean…” Dean sighs. “I don’t know how to describe it. But when I saw you today, you took my breath away.”

“Dean,” you whisper.

“No, no sweetheart. Hear me out. Back then I was a young man and a fool,” he squeezes your hand. “I know you still feel it, our connection.”

“Dean, stop.” You struggle to keep a straight face. “What’s past is past.”

“Maybe we could go somewhere else than the cafeteria to talk. Please,” Dean gives you a cracked smile. “I still know your favorite food.”

“I still know yours too,” you smirk. “Pie.” You both laugh at that. “You said something about Baby.” You dip your head. “If you offer a ride, we can have dinner together.”

Tags in reblog.

[squishmyster]

Crazy, he calls me

Cooper Howard could be described as a husband, father, and a prolific actor but what happens when it all starts crumbling under his feet and one of the only things to give him fresh air is you. His co-worker and one of his closest friends. Will everything including your relationship fail or will it be the one thing that survives even a nuclear fallout.

Authors Notes: HELLO ALL THIS IS MY FIRST FIC SERIES...very much a slow burn...ANY CONSTRUCTIVE CRTICSIM IS WELCOME AND I HOPE YOU AAL ENJOY!!!! OH AND ITS IN THE FIRST PERSON.... Warnings: Mentions of dying parent! Prologue~~~ Reunion MASTERLIST

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Chapter 1~~~ Give Me the Simple Life

The First time that I met Cooper was during the war while I was a medic. We never really said much except a few polite waves and hello's that then turned into polite conversations and heartfelt talks. After the war, we came across each other on the set of A Man and His Dog. 

Arriving earlier than planned to the studio I get out of my car and walk to set I can't help but feel a little sad seeing how this is the smallest role yet but no matter how much I've done as an actress a gig like this is just what I need right now low stress and good pay. Even if I have money saved up I have to pay for my sick parents' medical fees and if I don't work I'll be bankrupt by the time I'm thirty. So I put on a smile, straighten my back, remind myself that I haven't been doing this too long, and make my way inside politely waving and saying hello to anyone I come across. 

After a quick debrief we were told to wait for the rest of the cast and crew to get there. As I was sitting off to the side nursing a very bleak coffee I started people watching taking note of who was talking to who. Looking between small groups of people and watching their mannerisms. That was until my eyes landed on him the man of the hour himself Cooper Howard. Smile shining, eyes bright and full of life. I couldn't stop myself from starring taking in all his dashing features and then we locked eyes it felt like my breath was stolen from me and all I could do was give him a small smile and wave before taking a sip of coffee in my hand which I quickly regretted forgetting that it tasted like burnt rubber and sugar.

Before I could even look up I felt a small tap on my shoulders and heard the voice of the man I was once very close to. "Hey, long time no see".  Looking up at him I smile and give him a slight nod. "Long time no see Cooper, how's life treating you?". seeing him up close is almost refreshing, to say the least after having not talked or seen him after his honorable discharge from the military... it feels like I found something I lost a long time ago. "Hm well... life's been pretty good to me so far, especially since I get to spend a lot more time with my daughter Janey, and what about you?". 

Hearing the light that comes to his voice at the mention of his daughter I smile and can't help it when my mind tries to envision him being a dotting father. Slightly embarrassed I down the rest of my coffee and take a glance looking for a nearby trashcan to discard the cup leaving Coopers lingering glances along my figure and the slight smirk on his face go unnoticed. " That's great I'm glad to hear things have been going well for you... as for me well things are great". Deciding it wouldn't be appropriate to spring family problems on him seeing as it's been years since we have seen each other I keep my answer short and sweet with a billion-dollar smile to match. 

Standing as poise as possible I place the empty paper cup on a table close by and straighten out my dress making sure any visible wrinkles like radium in face cream. "Well-". Before Cooper could say another word we were being called to go to get ready to shoot for something that should be a nerve-racking day being my first time around most of these people but I didn't feel nervous if anything I felt excited and maybe it was because I finally have Coop back in my life but I'm gonna disregard that and just say the excitement is no different this time than any other time I've been excited about a movie I'm acting in.

Saying our goodbyes Cooper gives me a charming smile before turning to leave while I grab the almost forgotten cup and throw it away in the nearby trashcan. After an hour in the hair and makeup chair, my mind drifts to my mother and how she's doing even if it feels like a worthless thought seeing as she's lying in a hospital bed dying and not having been able to see her the past couple of weeks has been harder than I thought. Wishing I could be with her and at least hold her hand through this horrid time. I keep thinking about how I'm failing her by not being by her side and it honestly feels like I'm screaming into a void of emptiness and it's starting to swallow me whole. Holding back tears I try and remind myself that I'm doing this for her no matter how hard it is. Once I'm done with hair and Makeup I head towards the set, push down all former emotions, and plaster on that award-winning Hollywood smile and poised look I'm known for having.

After a long day of shooting, I can say I'm very happy to be out of those hot Western clothes especially since it's a surprisingly humid Tuesday in California. On my way out of the studio, I say my goodbyes my smile is not very forced anymore since I could just go home, check on my mother, and then relax before starting all over again. As I reach my car I hear someone call out my name causing me to turn around but seeing who it was made a smile hit my lips and I lean on the car while he gets closer. " Hey, Cooper... did you need anything?".  

He had a slight jog in his step and once he reached me his smile turned wider and he gave me a quick up and down. Sliding one hand in his pocket he pulls out a cigarette case and lighter putting the bud of the cig to his lips with a flick of his thumb light he puts both the case and lighter in the chest pocket of his black suit." Yes I do actually... your number i hate that we lost contact and well isn't this a perfect time to catch up". Hearing him I feel a little shocked and I can't help but think it's not a perfect time for anything in my life and it takes me a few seconds longer than normal to answer.

Noticing the hesitance on my face Cooper makes a face of his own one that almost resembled disappointment or at least that's what it looked like to me so before he could say anything I did. " I wouldn't mind that". Just like that we were exchanging numbers and saying our goodbyes and once I got home I thought about the day I had. Thought about Cooper way more than I'm willing to admit and after doing it for longer than seemed sane. I called my mom we talked for a few hours before I turned in for the night my dreams filled with nothing but stars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED SAVE A HORSE RIDE A COWBOY AND ALL THAT JAZZ!!!!!

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Thanks for reading from Squish<3

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

Love me or hate me, both are in my favor (Miguel O’Hara x Fem! Reader [HS Academic Rivals AU])

I’m back!! RAAAAAAA! I feel like his chapter is a bit over the place but I enjoy it so 🤷🏻‍♀️. I was planing I. Releasing this today but fuck it, I’m on a roll why not. Not proofread.

Nothing really, mostly just relationship building and some foreshadowing.

Word count: 2k

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Chapter 11: What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way

—

“How are you not freezing? I feel like I’m turning into a freaking icicle.” You asked, all but sitting on his lap as you curled into him, attempting to stop yourself from shivering too much.

“I’ve got thermals underneath my suit, it helps keep me warm.” He told you, rubbing his hand against your leg arm to help warm you up a bit.

“Ugh, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Well to be fair you don’t go out every night in this weather this late at night.” He said, making you huff, watching your breath leave your lips. He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle as he watched your lower lip stuck out in that cute little pout he adored. His arm leaves its place on you as he goes to stand up on the ledge of the skyscraper. “I’ll be right back, make sure not to fall, yeah?” He joked.

“Wait-where are you going?!” You questioned, voice raising slightly as you watch him hope off the edge, not being met with an answer, instead only hearing the distant sound of an all too familiar “thiwp” of his webs being shot out. Bringing your knees up to your chest, head resting on top of them as you look out at the city’s skyline as you wait for him to return, finding the faint sound of Neuva York oddly calming, as if it was white noise. A nice distraction from the sound of your teeth chattering. For once, you weren’t completely petrified by the distance you were from ground level, though you weren’t really in a life or death experience at the moment so that did factor into it.

After a few more moments of silence you were finally able to pick up the faint sounds of his webs reemerging through the wind blowing through your ears, making you sit up a bit straighter as you peaked over the skyscraper, being cautious as to not get too close to the edge as you look for a flash of blue and red. Eventually spotting him once he was a bit closer, immediately noticing he had something curled under his armpit once he was close enough.

“Hope I didn’t take too long.” He spoke first as he landed a few feet away from you, pulling his webbing off the spire of the tower. Your eyes followed his movements before shifting to what he was holding with his other arm.

“What’s that?” You asked, raising a brow nodding to the bundle of what seems to be fluffy fabric.

“A blanket.” He started, unraveling it and shaking it out so it was at full size, before making his way over to where you were sitting, going to rest it over your shoulders. “You seemed like you needed it.” You ignored the wave of sudden warmth that fleshed your face, writing it off as the blanket warming you up rather than the gesture.

“Thank you, Spider-Man.” Mumbling softly, turning to looking forward, feeling suddenly shy as you cross your arms and tug on the edge of the blanket to wrap yourself up further. Miguel always thought it was cute when you were flustered.

“You don’t have to call me that all the time, it feels too formal.” He plopped down next to you, taking the end of the blanket closest to him from your grasp and gently tossing it over his own shoulders, scooting closer to you as he did so. You finally looked over to him, wide innocent eyes that made his heart melt. He wanted to swoop you away from this messed up town and take you somewhere safe where’d you both live out the rest of your days with just moments like this.

“What should I call you then?” You asked, he cleared his throat and tilted his head as he looked at you, feeling yourself grow meek under his gaze despite never having seen his eyes before. “Since we aren’t at a place where you feel comfortable telling me your name.” He shrugged, a hand coming up to run at the nape of his neck before replying.

“Just… spidey is fine.”

You nodded.

“Okay, spidey it is then.”

A silence fell over you both, your eyes finding their way back to the scenery of the hundreds of city lights against the black night sky. Your hands folded together as they rested on your lap, oblivious to the pair of eyes watching you rather than the night skyline.

No view could compare to you in Miguel’s mind, he could see heaven with his own two eyes and it would never compare to the sight of your smile. If time froze at this very moment, he’d be content for the rest of eternity. One day he’ll finally find the courage to tell you the truth about his double life. To tell you his name, his identity, how he’s been deceiving you for months now. He can’t imagine it going over smoothly. Ever since you kissed him at the Coney Island ferris wheel, the scenario had been played in his mind over and over, and every time it has, he couldn’t imagine it going over smoothly. Why would it? To find out your (despite him never officially asking) superhero boyfriend was secretly the same guy you’ve had a vendetta against due to his cold and rude attitude towards you since before you even knew his first name, he could see why it wouldn’t go over well with you.

“Hey spidey.” Your voice pulled Miguel out from his inner turmoil, letting out a light hum as he glanced over at you, a bit surprised when he wasn’t met with your eyes. You continued to look out as you continued. “I know it might be a little too early to be asking this… although I’m not sure if there’s an appropriate time to ask this,” you paused with a little chuckle, taking a moment to collect yourself. Taking a deep breath as you finally turn to face, feeling your body grow a bit anxious as you force the question out from your lips. “Do you ever…erm, plan on letting me know you…ya know… underneath the mask?”

Your question made his whole body tense up instantly, head moving over to look at you so quickly you think his neck would snap off making you panic, immediately attempting to back track.

“I’m sorry- I- had a feeling that you wouldn’t want to hear that-if you want to take me home-“

“No.” He cut your rambling off, taking you by some surprise.

“No?” You echoed back.

“No, actually this is a conversation that we need to have anyways.” He paused, shifting his body to face yours a bit better, taking in a deep breath as his larger hands go to grab your smaller ones. “Look, I’ve never… felt the way I feel about you before. You make me feel like more than some guy in a mask, you look past the suit, the fangs, the talons, the webs, and you don’t even know my name or my face, yet you treat me like I’m a human instead of some… mutant. It’s…nice.” He admits, taking you by surprise at his sudden honesty. “I know that, the second you know my identity, you’d be in ten times more danger than I’m already putting you in by even associating you with this.” He motioned to the costume. “I hope you understand why I’m so hesitant on the idea.” He paused, wanting to garner your reaction before continuing.

“I do.” You mumbled in a low tone, accompanied with a small nod. “This isn’t the part where you tell me we have to stop seeing each other right?” The words slipped out before you could stop them, the subtlest of wavers slipping through despite your best effort to keep your voice steady. You might haven’t been aware of it, but Miguel’s advance hearing picked up on it.

“No, it’s not.” He quickly stopped that thought in its tracks, his gentle grip becoming a tad bit firmer. “I like you a lot, and I’m going to do all I can within my power to keep you safe. I promise I won’t leave you in the dark forever.” Miguel dipped his head down a bit so he could look you better in the eye. “One day I’ll tell you who I am.” Even though I’m dreading it, because you’ll never see me the same again.

It seems his words of reassurance had worked, making the look of uncertainty being replaced with that soft smile that always gave him butterflies appear in his gut.

—

“How do you know for sure? She might just be some fling. A ‘hero’ like him probably has girls throwing themselves at him left and right, how are you sure he won’t replace her in a few weeks.”

“If I wasn’t certain I wouldn’t be coming to you with this sort of proposal, don’t take me for a fool.”

“A fool is a bit too kind of a description for my taste-“

“Do you want to help me squish this stupid spider or not?”

“…Alright. I’m in.”

“Wonderful.”

“Now help break me out of this stupid jail cell.”

“Already a step ahead of you.”

—

“Do you ever get tired of all of this?” The silence that had developed between you two after his last words came to an end once you finally piped up. Hoping he understood what you meant despite the minimal context. It seems that he understood, tilting his head a bit to the side as the lines around his eyes narrowed in thought.

“Honestly, yes sometimes.” He admits, turning to face the skyline once more as he ponders. “It can be exhausting at times… all the slander from the media, people hating me for no reason despite me never really giving them a reason, it can make it all feel like it’s not worth it.” He then paused, letting out a deep sigh as he tilts his head slightly. “But… then I see a little kid wearing my suit… or someone reunited with a loved one after I’ve saved them. It-it makes them all with it ya know?”

Despite not knowing the feeling, you still nodded. Your lips pressed into a thin line as you turned to look at him.

“Well, if it means anything… I’ll appreciate all you do. The city wouldn’t be where it’s at without you.” You always knew how to make his heart swell.

“I should probably take you home.”

—

Despite the fact it was well past the time you would usually go to bed, you couldn’t help but cling onto the last couple of minutes before your favorite spider had to escape through your window, knowing he planned on leaving by the way he leaned against the open window. Cold air nipping your ears as you tied your hair up for bed.

“Hey, um... Did I tell you I’m thinking about going to Germany once I graduate before I start university.” You chipped up randomly, wanting to keep him in your dorm a bit longer when you saw him go to crouch under the window opening, watching him freeze through your mirror as he stopped and raised a brow under his mask at you. Nimble fingers fixing your scrunchie as you glanced back at him. “Then maybe take a train down to France.”

“Really? Germany and France?” He asked, moving back to lean against the window stool. You responded with a nod and a “mhm” before continuing.

“Well, if I have the time, I'd like to go to a few other spots but it really depends on how I feel, ya know?” It was his turn to nod.

“And what am I going to do while you’re gone, hmm?” He teased, making you thank the lord that the darkness in your room helped cover your flushed cheeks. Your daze drops down to your hands as you lightly tap on your wooden countertop. “That’s at least a few weeks of a trip.

“Well… I mean, you can always come with me.” You jokingly suggested with a smile.

“I might just have to take you up on that offer.” Was the last thing he said before you heard the window shut behind you, and a muffled thiwp.

—

Taglist: @famouscattale @strawberryjuice9 @loser-alert @maomaimao @franceseca-the-1st @mcmiracles @mangoslushcrush @queerponcho @yournextbimbogf @tinybirdhideout @oharasfilipinawife @mxltifxnd0m @homewreckingwreck @dumb-gemini @cowboylikeevie @thedevax @codenameredkrystalmatrix @reader-1290 @laysmt (to be added click here)

[notsoattractivearenti]

Comfort Person (Christian Pulisic x Fem!Reader)

WC: 700+

Warnings: curse words

A/N: a quick and short one written for my girlies for a little pick-me-up, especially @swimmingismywholelife 🤍 hope you guys enjoy and i’d love to hear your thoughts thru ask/reply/reblog 🫶🏻 apologies for any errors! feedbacks are highly appreciated ❤️

—

It has been a long difficult few weeks for you and you felt like the universe was punishing you for simply just existing. Bad things after bad things kept happening and made you feel like shit – the worst thing was that most things were out of your control. The helplessness you were experiencing was quite exhausting and a lot for you to handle.

You came home after work looking all upset and tired – you just wanted to lay in bed with your boyfriend, Christian, doing nothing until the day is finally over and probably have to go through another shit day all over again. You acted like you had no will to live anymore, though you kept wishing for good luck to finally be on your side.

Christian greeted you cheerfully the second you got home, your grumpy face caught his attention.

“Hello my beautiful lady, why so grumpy?”

“Ugh, another day another crap.” You grunted.

He pulled you in and gave you a kiss on your forehead and a big hug.

“Oh, my poor baby. Want to tell me what happened today?” He softly asked as he stroked your back.

“Maybe later, I need to change first. And eat. And watching a series.”

“Okay…” He kissed the top of your head. “Hope you don’t mind having Italian for dinner because I already got us some pasta and pizza.”

“Love it. Thank you.” You slightly smiled.

One of the things you love so much about Christian is that he knows how to give you the comfort you need. Somehow he always finds the right way to lighten up your mood no matter how terrible it might be – and this night was no different.

Now you’ve changed into your comfy clothes, you went to the living room and saw Christian was already there setting up the table in front of the TV and putting on your favorite show. He saw you coming over and his face lit up.

“Come on, dinner is ready!” He said as he pulled your hand and sat on the sofa.

He knew you just wanted to lay down and relax, therefore he brought the dinner to the living room so you could lay on the sofa and have your dinner there.

“So, do you feel ready to let me know what happened today?”

You sighed.

“Yeah… This day was terrible, again. Are you sure you want to hear shitty things all over again?”

He pulled you closer and let you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I’m all ears, my love.”

You then told him everything that happened to you earlier today. He was listening closely to you while you ranted about having to go through another difficult day – not once he let you out of his sight. He stroked your arms and your hair and gave you little kisses during. He really was empathized with you for what you went through, and he knew the only thing he could do was to be there for you – to comfort you in any way he could give you.

“Y/N, sweetheart… I’m sorry things have not been easy for you lately, but you know I’m here for you if you need anything.”

You sighed and slowly nodded.

“You know what, you are the strongest person I’ve ever known. Though life keeps throwing bad things at you, you’re still able to move forward. You should be proud of yourself! You and your resilience will never fail to amaze me.”

“Resilience? Do you mean me bitching about my problems?”

“I mean, that is the way you cope… And it is totally acceptable! I don’t mind hearing you, as you said “bitching about your problems”, because I’d rather you talk to me rather than keeping them to yourself!”

You let out a genuine smile and your eyes were already watery and red. God, what did I do to deserve a wonderful man like him? You thought to yourself.

“I… Ah, I don’t… I don’t know… I don’t know what to say…” You stuttered, your voice was breaking.

“You’ve said everything,” he chuckles, “don’t worry my love. I just said what I needed to say.”

You leaned in and kissed him on the lips. You couldn’t hold back your tears any longer, you started to cry.

“Chris… Despite all this shit, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, and I’m forever grateful to have you in my life…” You tearfully express your gratitude for him.

He wiped away your tears then kissed you.

“I love you more, Y/N.”

—

taglist: @pulisicsgirl @neverinadream @masonspulisic @swimmingismywholelife @chelseagirl98 @bracedes @lovelynikol16 @thoseboysinblue @lizzypotter14 @masonsrem

[fluffysucker]

Epilogue

Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU)

A/N: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female.

I'm very thankful for all of you who have read this story and shared their thoughts and opinions. It really means so much to me.

Let me know if any of you want to stay in my taglist. Also I do take requests if you want. And my inbox is always open

Thank you so much♡♡♡♡

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

You stood in front of the stairs, glaring at them. If looks could kill, they would be on fire. They are your worst enemy right now. You took a deep breath, refusing to let them win. You held onto the railings for dear life, taking very slow steps down. One by one. You almost screamed in victory once you finished the stairs. You moved to the kitchen when you could already hear the chaos happening.

"Good morning, my babies." You made your presence known in the kitchen with your cheerful greeting, also declaring that you were in a good mood. There was no need to avoid you.

A mix of "Good morning, mommy" filled your ears as you moved to give each of your kids a kiss. You turned to your husband, who looked like he, too, expected a good morning kiss. But you turned to get a bottle of water from the fridge. The audacity. Like he hasn't done enough.

You sat in between your children, where Bucky put your plates filled with your favourite food. You thanked him reluctantly and kept on talking to Theo and Lily. It wasn't long before you heard the honk of the school bus. Bucky helped them out as you wished them a good day.

"So the silent treatment is only for me?" Bucky asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

"I think it's the least you deserve." You replied, eating your food.

"C'mon. It's going to be fun." Daggers shot from your eyes at your husband. Only for giggles to fill the place.

"See, Sam agrees with me." Bucky was grateful he could find someone to help him.

"No, he is laughing at how stupid his dad is." You turned to look at your smiling toddler in his chair.

"Isn't that right, sweetie?" You asked as you fed the toddler a spoonful of his food.

Your year and a half old baby, who was named after his Uncle Sam as a thank you for his help and support, was fully laughing. A laugh that warmed your heart.

You got up to get some juices out of the fridge. You opened the cupboard to get a cup, but you couldn't reach it. Somehow, you got shorter this time. There was no explanation for this.

"C'mon, doll. You can't blame me for making sure you never leave me." Bucky said as he handed you your favourite cup at the moment.

"Who is known for leaving who, Barnes?" An offended gasp left Bucky's mouth at your words.

"Cheap shot, doll." Bucky said as he added more food to Sam's plate. And your favourite vegetables chopped into yours.

"And I think you should keep it in your pants or get a vasectomy because I can't do this again." You got back to your place, resting your hand on your swallowing belly.

"But I already bought a car big enough for a football team." You threw the piece of toast at him. God, he was so annoying. But you were his to annoy.

"Plus, don't act like you didn't enjoy it. I'm pretty sure that one is all your fault." Bucky came to sit next to you.

"How so?" You asked as you fed your toddler, who was having so much fun watching his parents bicker.

"You seduced me. What exactly were you expecting when you wore that dress on my birthday? A man can handle so much." A smirk formed on his face at the memory of the day.

"So you made sure I could never look good again." You pointed to your six-month-pregnant belly.

"Nothing can ever make this true. You are always going to be the most beautiful and prettiest woman ever." Bucky wasn't just saying this to boast about your confidence, which had been lacking lately, but because he truly believed. In his eyes, you only get prettier by the day.

"You are unbelievable." You woke up to get some water. That baby was dehydrating you like a desert.

As you closed the fridge, you felt Bucky's hand around your baby bump, and you instantly relaxed into his touch.

"Okay, one more baby. Then we can see. But I'm not getting a vasectomy." Bucky kept laying small kisses on your neck until you turned to look at him.

Maybe if he stopped looking at you like you were his world, you could resist. Maybe if he didn't shower you with affection and love, you would be able to keep it together. Maybe if he wasn't always there for you, you would have something to say.

You gave up and smiled at him. You leaned in and pressed your lips to his in a soft kiss that didn't last as long as he wanted.

"You will be the death of me, Bucky Barnes."

Taglist: @lethallyprotected @almosttoopizza @ragingrainbowshipl @dexter99 @xdarkcreaturex @nash-dara @paarthurnax59 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @unaxv @missmielyhoran @wintermischief @kandis-mom @aboobie @ozwriterchick @pattiemac1 @noahspickettfence @a--1--1--3 @elsie-bells

[sgiandubh]

Jottings: Season 7, Episode 2. Nothing compares to them

A tiny, but welcome disclaimer: I have not read all the OL books yet, so do not expect witty repartees and connecting the dots with the current book follow-up by the series. In fact, I am still struggling right now with Voyager, after I gave a resolute middle finger and an excruciating amount of time to Dragonfly in Amber, which bored me to death with its sketchy depiction of eighteenth-century Paris. Unpopular opinion, I know: I can't help it, since I consider Paris, for many personal reasons, as my second, beloved home.

There go my two cents, with little to no spoilers. There is much to savor in there:

I thought I couldn't bear to watch one more single time Sinéad O'Connor's rendition of ye olde Skye Boat Song. I was wrong. I think it is exactly what this season needs: a bit bruised & battered & breathless. The perfect tinge of rough around the edges. This is no walk in the park and hers is the right cue, setting the tone for all the rest.

Vlachos. Excellent. Loved every second of it.

I suppose everybody will talk about the Look Jamie gave Claire right after Insufferable Bree gives birth to wee Mandy. I cackled all by myself, which is not even surprising. And so will you, Shippers United. Mark me.

SS upgraded a bit her game, to the extent she doesn't sound all the time like reciting United Airlines' flight schedule. She and Rankin finally manage to pull off a decent rapport (chemistry will always be at a deep-frozen 0). So, rejoice: at least they don't look like the mean troop leader forced them to share the same tent at Camp Sunrise. It's all fine and dandy, until she relaxes and slips back into that horrific, East Coast wannabe accent. Sorry, not sorry.

Did Lizzie say ”Fraser's Fridge”, when reading the birth announcement, or am I hearing things again? Now that's an earworm, sheesh...

Vandervaart looks promising enough, but what do I know, after a two-minutes scene with SS? Court is adjourned.

LJG & JAMMF, what a powerful, ambiguous, elegant scene. Tension is mounting, and this is when you crack open the Netflix & Chill'd ice cream bucket. It will come in handy, trust me.

The fireflies' scene was the death of me. There is something extraordinary about S's superb ability to speak volumes without uttering a single word. There is so much love and such despair to capture Bree's face, Bree's voice, Bree's alien joy when she mentions damn Mickey Mouse, and keep them forever. Did I ugly cry? I let out a sincere Fuuuuuck and couldn't help it. This is when the box of tissues came in handy, and you know, damn the consequences.

Dear (?) Diana Gabaldon: GET THAT WONDERFUL MAN THROUGH THE STONES, WHERE THERE'S PENICILLIN AND A HOT BATH AND A HIGHER AVERAGE LIFE EXPECTANCY, STAT.

Yeah, sure. She missed that point five seasons ago, why do I even bother?

Spoiler: "What was it like.... there? It was.... magical". BOOO-HOOO-HOOO (I have no qualms).

Jeremiah's wooden toy plane in the streets of Wilmington and then the real thing across the sky, just after the little family gets through the stones. Clever reminder of that plane landing in Boston, with Claire, Bree and TMcG... ho-hum ... Frank Randall, after Culloden.

And finally, since I would really like to let you enjoy the wonderful last quarter of it, Jamie and Claire. That unspeakable tenderness that keeps us all completely spellbound. This is S&C acting, how could it be otherwise: and splendid, at that. But their acting, since that chemistry test, is informed by clear, present, deep feelings. We know. They know we know.

And they got their mojo back. I always hoped and prayed they will go out with a bang, not a fizzle. And it seems I was right. Fingers crossed. I trust them and, as always, I trust my gut.

[butterflydm]

wot reread: a memory of light (chapter 38-epilogue)

spoilers for a memory of light!

Well, the rest of the chapters have fewer pages in total than chapter 37 did, so this is going to be my last full reread post, though I do have a couple of follow-ups planned.

My timing ended up being pretty good, even though my original intention was just to reread books 1-3 in anticipation of the second season of the show. And now I’ve still got over a month to get good and excited about everything the show will be bringing to the table.

1. We go back to Rand, still deep in his conversation with TDO. The chapter “the Last Battle” really revolved around the battle between the forces outside Shayol Ghul, because it ended when the commander of the other army finally was killed (though there are still a ton of his forces to take care of, the head of the snake was cut off and so was the person who fancied himself Demandred’s replacement).

2. The ‘let go’ that Rand is hearing in his mind is in his father’s voice, and the meaning expands here -- let them sacrifice. it is their choice to make. And then Egwene’s voice -- am I not allowed to be a hero too?

Because this is something that Rand has been resisting over the course of the books -- basically ever since he accepted that he will be the sacrifice, he’s struggled with knowing that he’s not the only one, with knowing that other people are sometimes even sacrificing just to get him here, to this place. And, I imagine, with his tentative plans to maybe even survive this ‘sacrifice’, that’s going to make him feel even more guilty about other people giving up their lives in this fight.

3. He talks in dialogue with Egwene’s voice in his head (given that he’s existing around and between reality, it might really be Egwene’s voice too). He is not in charge of protecting her. He decided to take that charge on himself, back in EotW, but it was never his to claim. Let us die for what we believe, and do not try to steal that from us.

4. And so Rand takes himself through his list again, backwards, this time, releasing his feelings of shame for failing to save them, releasing his need to protect them. Letting go of the mountain that has been crushing him for the majority of the series.

He hadn’t realized how large it had become, how much he had let himself carry.

...

Ilyena was last. We are reborn, Rand thought, so we can do better the next time.

So do better.

5. And now Rand, as he stands surrounded by all time and nothing at the same time, comes to understand that the Darkness was never a being, never an entity of its own. It is the between of everything. It can only win if no one is willing to keep fighting against it.

6. Mat gets the news of Lan’s reported death. As he did with Egwene and with Elayne, he swallows the grief and doesn’t let it show to anyone else, instead using the news to spur the army onward to attack the now-stunned foe.

7. Rand tells TDO that he can’t win, and TDO argues that it has Rand in its grasp right now, and Rand says that that’s missing the point, because it was never just about his victory. The people he lists:

Morgase (?) - a woman, torn and beaten down, cast from her throne and made a puppet

Thom - a man who remembered stories and took fool boys under his wing

Moiraine - a woman who hunted truth before others could

Perrin (?) - a man whose family was taken from him, but who stood tall

Nynaeve - a woman who refused to believe she could not Heal those who had been harmed

Mat - a hero who insisted with every breath that he was not a hero

Egwene - a woman who would not bend her back while she was beaten and who stone with the Light for all who watched

Rand realizes -- “it was never about beating me. It was about breaking me.”

8. Okay, I have to say. I have to! But this is... this is literally also how the Seanchan work. This is their philosophy of life -- to take people and break them to the Seanchan’s purpose. As I’ve said before, there really is no way around the fact that the Seanchan are going to be the Great Evil of the Fourth Age. There are just too many Shadow-Seanchan parallels! Maybe Mat and Min can slow the train slightly but I don’t think they can actually put the breaks on it.

9. But back to now -- Rand and TDO watch the battlefield, where Mat is fighting -- Tam at his side, then Karede and his suicide-slave troops, then Loial and the Ogier. “Outnumbered three to one”. Mat is shouting in the Old Tongue: For the Light! For honor! For glory! For life itself!

I will take a moment to be glad that, despite the first half of this book trying so hard to align Mat with the slavers for whatever fucking reason, he’s not fighting for the slavers in this battle. That he actually did become the General of the Forces of the Light, not primarily the General of the Slavers. Looking back, it really does feel like the change was signaled when Mat first took off his Seanchan clothes and put back on his Two Rivers coat*. That seems to have been a visual cue about his change in characterization -- how he started pushing back more against Tuon, forcing her into more compromises, and standing more aligned with the Forces of Light rather than pandering to the slavers all the time. idk, maybe forcing Mat over to Ebou Dar at the start of the book was Sanderson’s way of trying to finally create a synthesis between the horrible Mat of CoT & KoD and the non-horrible Mat of the earlier books, and he felt like he actually had to take Seanchan!Mat to his worst conclusion before bringing him out again? It still really sucks that the Mat and Rand reunion happened during our low point of Mat’s characterization, though.

(* which appears to have been triggered by the ‘not pleasant’ conversation that Mat and Tuon had after Tuon berates him for not telling her that Egwene was briefly enslaved by the Seanchan. After that (off-screen) conversation, Mat starts being much more combative re: the Seanchan -- after that conversation is when he has his bitter/sarcastic thought that he’s not done much to convince Tuon to stop using damane and when he suggests to Min that she mislead Tuon about her viewings to try to soften her stance on Aes Sedai; so I think we can safely give Egwene credit for the turnaround in Mat’s characterization -- I wish that that conversation between Mat and Tuon hadn’t happened off-screen! like so many important emotional moments!, but it seems like perhaps that was a watershed moment for Mat)

Rand and TDO watch, and TDO taunts Rand “the son of battles. I will take him [Mat!]. I will take them all, adversary. As I took the king of nothing [this is Lan, I assume]”.

10. Mat thinks about how he knows he can win this battle, despite the horrible odds. He just needs “a favorable toss of the dice”.

And, not too far away, with the Trollocs outside his hiding place, Olver gives up on the idea of trying to get the Horn to Mat, and lifts the Horn of Valere to his lips.

11. First Mat, and then everyone else, hears Rand’s voice -- he calls out Shai’tan as wrong, telling everyone that Lan isn’t dead. And just after he says that, Mat hears the familiar golden and clear note of the Horn of Valere.

...wow, the Seanchan feel so superfluous to requirements right now. They didn’t show up until after the final combat was engaged, after Rand had his final necessary epiphany, after the Horn was blown (they have still not shown up, technically).

I’m going to take a moment to daydream about a world where Tuon’s nature as marath’damane was revealed and accepted, so she really did flee with the Seanchan (so that she can try to recover from this blow to her powerbase) and the Seanchan never returned to the Last Battle. This would be a much easier way to de-tangle Mat from the Seanchan than whatever he’s gonna need to actually do post-canon.

12. The Heroes of the Horn return and our first sight of them is Birgitte coming to save Elayne from Mellar, with a shining silver arrow. 😍

Birgitte standing over her own corpse kinda cracks me up. Good for her! It’s also probably the first time she’s felt like herself in books and books.

“That was the bloody Horn of Valere!” Mat announces to his troops. “We can still win this night!” Inside, he marvels over how the Horn was sounded without him, showing that one of the things that he’d believed that he was permanently tied to isn’t tied to him after all.

Well, if that knot can be untied, Mat, maybe another one can be as well.

13. Between losing Demandred and the appearance of the Heroes of the Horn, the Shadow are now the ones who are on the defensive, with some Trollocs breaking and trying to run away.

The mist of the Heroes forms near Mat and he feels a moment of worry, wondering if maybe someone on the side of the Shadow summoned them. Hawkwing rides up to Mat, and tells him, “Do take better care of what has been allotted you. Almost, I worried we would not be summoned for this fight.”

I know, right? The lack of urgency in the Mat-in-Ebou-Dar half of the book about actually getting him to Merrilor to blow the Horn was really frustrating to me too!

When Mat confirms that this mean they’re fighting for the Light, Hawkwing tells him, “We would never fight for the Shadow.” The rumors about the Horn are wrong -- I feel like we learned this back in TGH as well but, you know, Mat was dying at the time, so I don’t blame him for not remembering.

Yeah, here’s the line: “We have come to the Horn, but we must follow the banner. And the Dragon.” So it was Rand, Perrin, and Mat who learned that. But, like I said, I don’t blame Mat for not remembering.

14. Hawkwing and Amaresu both scold Mat for not showing Rand enough appreciation for saving his life. Honestly, so fair and legit for Mat to finally be on the other end of a scolding like that. “I have seen you murmur that you fear his madness but all the while you forget that every breath you breathe - every step you take - comes at his forbearance. Your life is a gift from the Dragon Reborn, Gambler. Twice over.”

Mat feels so scolded. As he deserves.

He’s told that they can fight here because they have Rand’s banner and because Rand is... technically sort-of kind-of leading them... from a distance.

Amazingly, Mat takes a moment out of this encounter to marvel at how pretty one of the heroes is and then Remind Himself again that he’s married. He really does have to keep Reminding Himself. One of these days, he’s not going to remember to Remind Himself until after he’s already slept with someone else. It’s been more subtle in this book than in ToM, but Mat is still constantly checking out Every Other Lady around him.

15. Olver gets dug out of his hole by Trollocs but Noal, now one of the Heroes, arrives to save him. I don’t care about Noal, and Jordan definitely didn’t do enough to build up their relationship in CoT & KoD, but I still got a little misty at the tiny orphan child feeling grateful that one of the people who ‘abandoned’ him has finally come back.

16. haha, this next chapter is called ‘wolfbrother’ so I guess that Perrin is finally gonna wake up. But first, we have Elayne!

She’s able to wriggle lose enough to make the medallion copy shift away from her skin and fall to the ground, and now she can embrace saidar again. Elayne apologizes to Birgitte but Birgitte laughs it off, “Why do you mourn, Elayne? I have it all back! My memory has returned. It is wonderful! I don’t know how you stood me these last few weeks. I moped worse than a child who’d just broken her favorite toy.” Ah, yeah, that confirms that Birgitte’s spiral into bitterness was not meant to be a reflection of Elayne but on the dark place that Birgitte was in, with her loss of memories, I think. But it’s a shame that it feels like parts of the fandom just took Birgitte’s unrelated bitterness as a reason to slam on Elayne more. My girl gets so much undeserved hate.

And Elayne and Birgitte will ride back into the battle together. Not as Aes Sedai and Warder, but as friends. 😍 😍 😍 😍 

17. Aviendha! I’ve missed you! Her timeline isn’t advancing as quickly as it has been for those further away from Shayol Ghul, so not as much as happened here in the valley. She can feel the channeling inside the Pit of Doom - “a quiet pulse”. Oh! The wolfbrother of the chapter’s title is actually Elyas, who Aviendha runs across now. The Darkhound Wild Hunt is happening, and hundreds of wolves have come to fight back against them.

Aviendha is about to go fetch channelers to help bring down the Darkhounds, when she spies Graendal a bit higher on the slope, with some Turned channelers, and Aiel guards under compulsion. Aviendha alerts her companions (Amys & Cadsuane) and then begins the fight against Graendal.

18. Elayne has a sword again. Where is she getting these swords? I’m just gonna assume it’s made out of Air or something. More useful than the sword, Elayne creates a banner with the Power, the red lion of Andor, lighting up the night.

19. [Mat] remembered, within those memories that were not his, leading forces far grander. Armies that were not fragmented, half-trained, wounded and exhausted. But Light help him, he had never been so proud.

...

This was the moment he had been seeking. It was the card upon which to bet everything he had. Ten to one odds, still, but the Sharan army, the Trollocs and the Fades had no head. No general to guide them.

...

Elayne’s death had been a lie. Her troops had been in disarray - they had lost more than a third of their soldiers - but just as they were about to be routed by the Trollocs, she rode into their midst and rallied them.

20.  Catching up with Moggy! Hi, Moghedien. I bet your Last Battle is going pretty shitty. She kicks Demandred’s abandoned corpse. Oh, his devoted Shendla just left his body there to rot? Yikes. For Moghedien, she discovers that now that so many of the Chosen have been killed off, TDO is ready to let her have a taste of that sweet sweet True Power.

She disguises herself as Demandred and heads to the Sharan forces. I have to admit, given how open Min has been about her Talents, it’s kinda astonishing that Moghedien doesn’t know about her viewings. Min will tell anyone who stands still for five seconds, plus Tuon announced her as a Doomseer and has been plumping her up for the past whatever-number of chapters.

Moghedien starts to gear up for her role as Fake Demandred...

...and then she gets a blast of cannon/dragon-fire in her face from the Band’s part of Mat’s plan.

21. Instead of the Band leaving their caves to fight; channelers are opening them up brief windows to shoot through. Aludra is placed up on a high location with a spy-glass, giving orders to the channelers for the next locations for the booms. Honestly very clever.

22. As Aviendha fights in the valley, plants grow to cover her passage.

They had come right when she had needed them to hide her approach. Happenstance? She chose to believe otherwise. She could feel [Rand], in the back of her mind. He fought, a true warrior. His battle lent her strength, and she tried to return the same.

Determination. Honor. Glory. Fight on, shade of my heart. Fight on.

😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 

23. Aviendha kills a Compelled attacker, only realizing it’s Rhuarc after she has struck the fatal blow. She kills him moments before he would have killed her, and only her shoulder gets injured.

She does her best to convince herself that she only killed a shell. That Rhuarc was already dead.

There is a burst of determination from Rand (Strength, Aviendha) and her fatigue leaves her, and she refocuses on the fight.

24. Aviendha studies Graendal and decides on her approach -- she creates a spear made out of fire and light, and some other weaves in reserve -- and charges for Graendal. See, this makes a lot more sense that Elayne randomly having a sword, because this is a weapon and Aviendha knows and has trained in most of her life. I think that Sanderson Just Likes Swords tbh.

I really love the description here because of how it brings back Aviendha’s Maiden roots as she launches her attack on Graendal. The ground explodes underneath her (her legs get pretty destroyed, it sounds like), but she’s leaping up already aimed like a spear herself, and she sinks the spear into Graendal’s side just as Graendal is using the True Power to Travel... and because they’re touching, she goes along with Graendal when she Travels.

25. Mat rides with the Heroes of the Horn. He gets them to confirm that he isn’t one of them. He can see Elayne from where he is.

Mat saw Elayne’s banner glowing above them in the sky, crafted of the One Power, and caught a glimpse of someone who looked like her riding among the soldiers, hair glowing as if lit from behind her. She seemed a bloody Hero of the Horn herself.

26. And then the great battle is over, at least here on the battlefield.

He would have to thank Tuon for returning. He did not go looking for her, though. He had a feeling she would expect him to perform his princely duties, whatever they might be.

Hmm.

27. He does feel that tugging. Rand needs him. He tries to convince himself that this was his part, out here, and whatever is going on where Rand is... that’s Rand’s business. The dice are still tumbling in his head. This part here manages to capture Mat’s double-think in a way that I didn’t feel like came across in the actual chapter when we had the Rand & Mat reunion.

After trying to talk himself out of it, Mat ends up saying that he’s a fool because “I need to go to Rand.”

As a parting note, he asks Hawkwing to go have a conversation with “their Empress” (Tuon), and hmm, interesting. Okay, I need to break this down a bit.

So, one of the things that gave Tuon the big jollies back in the negotiation chapter with Rand was Mat referring to the Seanchan forces as “our forces”, which she basically interpreted as “haha you’re mine now, no take-backs”. And here, he does not call the Seanchan empress “my” Empress. He says she’s “their” Empress. The Empress of the Seanchan, who he is not currently identifying with, it would seem. So. That’s interesting.

We don’t get to see the conversation between Hawkwing and Tuon, of course, but what would Mat assume about what Hawkwing would tell Tuon? Why would Mat send Hawkwing to talk to her? The Heroes of the Horn follow Rand, pretty explicitly. They literally just recently scolded Mat for not appreciating Rand enough. They are aware of current events in the world and of the Seanchan Empire.

Which is to say... of course, Mat is assuming that Hawkwing will try to set Tuon straight on how to be an Empress without abusing millions of people under her power. Hawkwing told him that they would never fight for the Shadow. I think it’s reasonable for Mat to assume that he would disapprove of slavery. And Hawkwing’s hatred of Aes Sedai in his lifetime was canonically influenced by Ishamael, if I recall correctly, so the idea that Ishamael’s corruption is still influencing him in his Horn-form just seems like kinda silly to me. So. That’s my stance on that. Mat has clearly stated in recent chapters that he disapproves of the damane system, in particular, and that he wants to influence Tuon to soften her stance on Aes Sedai. So we know what Mat’s motivations are in sending Hawkwing off to talk to her. And it kinda fits Mat’s pattern of trying to use other people to influence Tuon to be less awful.

28. Rand has thought about Mat often, here in the battle with TDO. He thinks of him again -- Beneath them, on the battlefield, the Trollocs had fallen, beaten by a young gambler from the Two Rivers.

29. Oh, hey, Perrin just woke up. Page 853. He went to sleep on page 670. Nice long nap. Missed... a lot of stuff.

He learns that the battle at Merrilor has been won, but the battle at Thakan’dar, outside of Shayol Ghul, rages on. He gets his exhaustion washed away by one of the Aes Sedai and goes physically back into TAR (where he left Gaul to guard the cave where Rand fights).

30. In the waking world, Thom is the one guarding that cave entrance and he ponders the various ways that the ending of the world can be turned into a song, once this is all over.

31. Mat goes to Grady and tells him that he needs to be taken to Shayol Ghul. He’s brought Rand’s banner with him. Hanging out with Grady are Olver and Noal. The dice are still tumbling in Mat’s head. As far as I can tell, they haven’t stopped since Elayne asked him if he knew what he was doing.

Mat, on thinking about Noal/Jain becoming a Hero of the Horn:

Well, you wouldn’t find Mat trading places with him. Noal might enjoy it, but Mat wouldn’t dance at another man’s command. Not for immortality itself, no he wouldn’t.

Another data point that I’m placing into the pile.

Grady says that Traveling is wonky in that direction. Can’t be done.

Mat won’t accept that as an answer, and he gets Grady to take him (and Olver) as close as they can get -- a Seanchan scouting camp, a day away.

32. lol, we get a tiny glimpse into Fain the mist god-demon here. This just feels so anti-climatic, to still have Fain around at a time like this. Anyway, he’s basically a walking Shadar Logoth at this point. Fain kinda suffers from the same issues as Slayer, in that it feels like he’s a villain that the story grew past and yet he hung around anyway.

33. Gaul has been standing alone against Slayer all this time in TAR, fighting against him and protecting Rand, on his own, while Perrin was taking his restorative nap. But now Perrin is back to help. On the plus side, because of the time dilation stuff, only two hours has passed for Gaul in here.

34. Since he couldn’t take a gateway to Shayol Ghul, Mat is going by dragon to’raken. And, yes, Mat takes time out of his terror at being up so high to notice how pretty the morat’to’raken is, even as he thinks that anyone willing to do this must be “completely insane”. Olver, who is riding with them, is having a great time, though.

From up high, Mat sees a mist covering the valley below and gets a tingling that tells him... it’s about Fain and the dagger.

35. Then their to’raken gets hit by arrows, killing the rider or knocking her out. Mat undoes his straps and climbs over to take the to’raken’s reins. So he’s... he’s riding the closest thing that this world has to a dragon. Subtext, fun for the whole family.

He does his best to give them a gentle landing. It is not terribly gentle.

36. In the aftermath of the crash, Mat thinks that kidnapping Tuon (aka marrying her) is the worst decision that he’s ever made. Hmm. And this is after she ‘returned’ to the battlefield per their plan.

“That,” [Mat] finally groaned, “is the worst bloody idea I’ve ever had.” He hesitated. “Maybe the second worst.” He had decided to kidnap Tuon, after all.

And he doesn’t undercut that thought with any kind of caveat. He just lets it stand as he moves on to the next thing. Another interesting data point.

37. Mat literally panics when he realizes that Rand’s banner has gone missing during their dragon to’raken flight. Why does it seem like Sanderson is so much better at writing Cauthor-related scenes when Mat and Rand are separated from each other?

Olver points out that the swirling clouds above them are forming Rand’s sign, and then he blows the Horn again, for good measure.

38. Rand breaks out of his frozen battle with TDO and re-enters his own body. “From his watching of the Pattern, he knew that although only minutes had passed here since he’d entered, in the valley outside this cavern, days had passed, and farther out into the world, it had been much longer.”

He points Callandor at Moridin, and Moridin promptly throws a knife at Alanna.

Broke back to consciousness by Nynaeve’s herbs, Alanna pulls herself together long enough to release the bond she forced on Rand before she dies.

...I kinda feel the need to point out that Moiraine has done nothing but be a battery for Rand since she entered the cave with him.

I also feel bad for Alanna, who really disappeared from the story once Min was bonded to Rand and could take over as Cadsuane’s Rand mood-ring, and now is only here so that she can die. I have extremely large beef against Alanna for forcibly bonding Rand but it feels like the story really should have used that beat even more than it did, rather than it disappearing after WH.

39. Perrin kills Slayer. Finally. And then he pulls back out of TAR and is “on the rocks in the valley of Thakan’dar”, near where the Aiel are gathered.

40. Mat leaves Olver with the Heroes and meets up with Perrin at the mouth of the cave. So, yes, Mat and Perrin get another reunion. Why does Perrin! Get all the reunions! This is what I was talking about when I said how annoyed I was that Mat thinking about Rand tugging on him wouldn’t end up with any good payoff. All we get is yet another Mat and Perrin reunion.

That Rand is literally inside that cave and yet the three ta’veren do not reunite here is honestly somewhat infuriating for me. Genuinely those two things: the Emond’s Five reunite and the ta’veren three reunite should have been at the TOP of Sanderson’s priority list! There is a lot that I have enjoyed about AMoL but there are just way too many important emotional moments that were either skipped or didn’t happen at all but should have happened.

And, fuck, letting Mat and Rand have a scene that doesn’t take place during Mat’s weird Ebou Dar adventure. That would have been nice! Once Mat decides that he’s not going to be a lapdog for the Seanchan/Tuon anymore, his storyline and his PoV get so much better and so much more enjoyable and I am just... eternal bitterness that our only Mat & Rand reunion was plopped into our most lapdoggy-Mat era.

Mat came here specifically to protect Rand and then he never sees him! That is just fucking awful. They deserved a better reunion. What was the point of having the Heroes scold Mat if we didn’t actually get to see Mat and Rand interact again after it? This is kinda a place where the epilogue is mostly at fault -- Mat just strolling off to plan a fireworks show for Tuon post-Last Battle conflicts pretty hard with him spending time with his dying best friend, tonally-speaking -- but that really just makes it all the more frustrating that the only Cauthor reunion took place when Mat was in his worst Seanchan-era.

41. Aviendha attacks Graendal with an exploding gateway; and Mat kills Fain/Mordeth/etc.

And Perrin almost takes off to go searching for Faile but manages to resist the urge: If Rand died, then he would lose Faile. And everything else.

Yes. I have tried to yell this at the fictional characters so many times: if the world dies, then so does your sweetheart! It’s nice that Perrin finally listened.

42. And for his final trick, Moridin grabs Callandor, and Moiraine and Nynaeve spring their trap, using the flaw in Callandor to take control of the ‘circle’ that Moridin has accidentally formed with them. With Moridin having pulled the True Power, Rand is now able to enter the link, and Moiraine and Nynaeve can feed him all three sets of Power: saidar, saidin, and the True Power. Light explodes from him, and from Shayol Ghul, as Rand uses the True Power to protect himself as he reaches through the Bore and grabs onto the Dark One.

43. We get a quick beat of people reacting to the light:

Elayne is on the battlefield of Merrilor, as they search for the living among the dead. She feels the “swelling of power in Rand” and her attention focuses on him.

Thom shields his eyes as the light bursts from the entrance to the Pit of Doom.

Min appears to have managed to get away from the Seanchan for now, changing linens for the wounded, perhaps also on the Field of Merrilor.

Aviendha is drawn back from the darkness of near-death by the light and the warmth of Rand inside her, and realizes that her explosion twisted the compulsion weave so that Graendal compelled herself to worship Aviendha. Awkward!

Logain sees the light and knows that it’s what was meant by the message that Egwene sent, and he breaks the seals on the Dark One’s prison.

44. In TAR, Perrin runs across Lanfear. Together, they walk into Shayol Ghul, and we learn that she apparently compelled Perrin a little while ago? He’s able to pull out of it by reminding himself of his duty and of Faile, and he snaps her neck, killing her.

*squints at the scene*

Yeah, I mean. That’s certainly still what looks like happened? Sorry, Sanderson, I’m not seeing your hints here about Lanfear tricking Perrin and surviving.

45. Rand holds the Dark One in his hand. Or the representation of his hand. And, once again, when Rand tells TDO how pitiful he is, all I see are echoes of the Seanchan:

You would have enslaved me as you would have enslaved the others. You cannot give oblivion. Rest is not yours. Only torment.

Rand can feel himself dying, his life blood slipping away. Realizing that the world that he’d seen without the Dark One would have been the truth, he knows that he cannot kill it. So he thrusts TDO back into his prison, braids saidar and saidin together to reforge a new shield onto the Bore.

With this new form of the Power, Rand pulled together the rent that had been made here long ago by foolish men.

He understood, finally, that the Dark One was not the enemy.

It never had been.

(because it only reflected the evil that people were already capable of)

46. The black hole inside the cave expands, as Moiraine and Nynaeve run for the safety of the cave entrance.

47. And now we are at the epilogue.

Much like I did with The Last Battle chapter, I’ll take the epilogue in sections by character. Rand & co will go last, this time.

Perrin

The spirits of the dead wolves fade back into the dream. Perrin voluntarily worries about Rand? Wow, that feels kinda out of character for Perrin, who has always been way better at pushing away thoughts of Rand than Mat has been, but I guess let’s go with it. It seems to exist to tell us that Perrin no longer sees color swirls and no longer feels any tugging towards anything. “Those seemed like very bad signs.”

“Have you sent for the three?”

What a weird way to ask “do Rand’s girlfriends know that he’s dying?”

I’m going to take a minute and count up the PoV & page counts everyone gets in the epilogue.

Rand: 3 PoVs (4 pages total)

Mat: 2 PoVs (1 1/5 pages)

Perrin: 3 PoVs (6 1/5 pages)

Loial: 1 PoV (3 pages)

Moghedien: 1 PoV (1 page)

Nynaeve: 1 PoV (2 pages)

Birgitte: 1 PoV (1 page)

Tam: 1 PoV (1 page)

Min: 1 PoV (1/2 page)

Cadsuane: 1 PoV (1 page)

That’s a lot of Perrin, comparatively-speaking.

Anyway, Perrin finds Faile, happy ending, etc.

...oh, I just looked it up and Sanderson answered some questions about the epilogue (tor[dot]com/2013/01/23/brandon-sandersons-wheel-of-time-answers-from-torchat/)! He added Perrin’s and Loial’s scene(s). Ha! I knew that Loial was a Sanderson addition because he uses “Matrim” instead of Mat (that is, imo, by far the easiest ‘tell’ of a Sanderson scene -- someone using ‘Matrim’ when they normally wouldn’t). And the Perrin scenes make sense too because it really builds off of and finishes the narrative thread that was at play earlier in the book for Perrin, which was presumably all written by Sanderson.

Mat

Mat strolls away from the aftermath of having killed Padan Fain, calling the dagger “a gamble I don’t want to touch”. The dice stop rolling in Mat’s head after he decides not to pick up the dagger. Hmm. Mat avoiding becoming the new Fain for the Fourth Age?

After that, we skip to his scene with Tuon. And there are only those two scenes with Mat in the epilogue -- killing Fain and finding out that he’s been baby-trapped into the Seanchan Empire. Though Perrin confirms in his own PoV scenes that he no longer gets the swirls or the tugging, we don’t get the same kind of confirmation in Mat’s (very short) scenes.

I will say that there is more subtlety in Mat’s ending here than I had remembered -- I was extremely unhappy about his ending but this marriage is pretty troubled already in the text, and so it’s not really the book that tries to pretend this is a happy “babies ever after” ending for Mat; I feel like that’s maybe more of a vibe that I got from fans at the time, rather than from the text. There are a lot of “male power fantasy” fans who just really like that Mat ends up married to an Empress and commanding vast armies, I think, at least from what I’ve seen around the internet (and especially back when the series was originally published).

And Mat specifically forces a grin at the news that Fortuona is pregnant, so he’s not genuinely happy about it (and we got things in recent chapters like Mat thinking that kidnapping Tuon was the worst idea he’d ever had).

But, honestly, I do still hate that it happens. I hate it up one side and down the other. It sucks as an ending for Mat so much. Miserable marriage, awful wife, horrible shackles tying him to a terrible fascist empire built on slavery.

That being said... just Tuon’s rule is incredibly fragile, this marriage is also incredibly fragile (which is probably why Jordan slapped a baby in there to begin with -- otherwise, given his general misery level in many of the Seanchan-related scenes, it’s difficult to see how Mat could bring himself to stick with Tuon for long enough to do whatever plot-related things Jordan was imagining would have happened in the outriggers -- the baby is a trap for Mat, not from Tuon but from Jordan).

There are still so many things about the Seanchan that could end up being deal-breakers for Mat if he finds out about them!

(ex. Bodewhin Cauthon is never mentioned in the books after Knife of Dreams, so it is entirely possible that she is among the new damane who were taken by the Seanchan in recent days, and Mat might end up seeing his sister with a collar around her neck post-canon. How would he react to that? And to Tuon’s unwillingness to let her go?)

In addition to Mat potentially seeing people he knows and cares about in collars, we also have the possibility of him learning just how brutal Tuon’s attack against the White Tower was (there isn’t any indication that he knows about the attack at all yet); or Talmanes telling him about Verin’s letter and Mat realizing how damaging his fear of Aes Sedai has been for the world; or further in the future there’s Mat’s potential reaction to the lethal political wrangling that Imperial heirs are meant to get up to (he was disturbed enough that Galgan liking him only means that subpar assassins will be sent against him -- when he realizes that Tuon might well encourage their own kids to kill each other to win her favor, it’s very hard to see him brushing that off). Plus he’s regained his sense of disgust over the damane system. So there are a lot of powderkegs waiting to be blown sky-high for Mat, post-canon.

idk, Mat’s storyline is maybe the one where I most have to untangle whether I dislike it more because I feel like it was executed poorly or if I dislike it because it sets up a situation that will never get resolution. And how connected are those things?

A big frustration that I’ve had with how Jordan and then Sanderson handled Mat’s storyline over the course of the last few books of the series was how many shortcuts were taken with his character and how artificial forcing him into the Seanchans’ arms has felt to me.

a. Mat getting trapped in Ebou Dar and then all the characters involved taking a vow of silence when it came to telling Rand about it. Mat getting trapped in Ebou Dar is plot nonsense: relatively forgivable. But having multiple characters being given the opportunity to change that situation and just... not bothering to do it is... that’s a characterization issue. It severely impacted my feelings about Nynaeve for Jordan to turn her into the kind of person who just doesn’t bother to tell Rand that his best friend was left behind in that kind of perilous situation. Plot manipulations... that’s just how the plot works. But over and over, characters got broken or bent for the purpose of jamming Mat into the Seanchan storyline.

b. Setalle Anan is a minor character, so I get why people don’t care about her, but she’s a character who pretty much completely reverses her characterization between WH & CoT (in WH, she is anti-slavery and finds Mat charming and trustworthy; in CoT & KoD, she protects and waits on Tuon while treating Mat like the dangerous one, including betraying Mat’s secrets to Tuon -- and her betrayals are never acknowledged by the text in any way; she just keeps on being treated as if she’s a friendly supporting character) and, from what I could see, it’s just so obviously done in order to protect Tuon from ever having even a sliver of character growth rather than it making sense for Setalle Anan’s character.

c. We keep tiptoeing up to the brink of Actually Having A Plot Happen with the Seanchan and then backing away at the last minute without really having a good reason to do it. Incredibly frustrating. This was one of my main annoyances with CoT & KoD. And in AMoL, both Rand and Egwene inexplicably back down when they have Tuon on the ropes and off-balance.

d. Mat’s teleportation to Ebou Dar in-between Towers of Midnight and A Memory of Light. I’ve talked about this one a lot but yeah. It’s just... really bad? I do suspect that Sanderson couldn’t figure out any way to actually make it believable that Mat would go to the Seanchan and that’s why he had it all happen off-the-page. But the careless damage that it does to Mat’s characterization is just horrific. Mat gets ripped out of the action of the first third of the book, and doesn’t get to the Last Battle itself until the book is more than half over. Once Mat is actually engaging in the Last Battle, his characterization steadies a lot but especially those first four chapters with Mat, it feels like we’re only working with half of his characterization and the other half has vanished somewhere in-between ToM & AMoL.

(and if Mat hadn’t been cut-and-pasted from the Tower of Ghenjei over to Ebou Dar, then we would have had a full reunion at Merrilor. So I’m annoyed/bitter about that too)

I could keep going but... let’s keep it at four issues for right now so that we’re not here all day, lol.

All of those issues are problems that I had with the execution of the storyline.

I am not inherently opposed to depressing endings for characters that I love but... it has to be done well. It has to make sense. And Mat’s ending just... required cutting away too many parts of him (and other characters) for it to make sense to me.

But though it is not always handled well (to put it mildly), Mat’s storyline with Tuon (and Tylin before her) is an example of the ‘typical gender roles are swapped’ done in a way that is more down to the very core of his storyline than a lot of other storylines, which are more on the surface.

He’s much less politically powerful than his spouse and needs to use guile, intrigue, and manipulation to get his way and try to persuade her to a gentler and kinder path than her warlike nature naturally aligns towards.

He undergoes something of a gender-swapped version of “The Taming of the Shrew” storyline, in which a fiercely independent person gets coerced/’tamed’ into being a properly submissive spouse (or, depending on your interpretation, into pretending to be one) -- many of the tricks that Tuon and Tylin use are similar to what Petruchio does to Katherine in the play. Mat gets publicly humiliated and starved by Tylin into submitting to her (which is what Petruchio does to Katherine during/after their wedding), and isolated away from his past connections during his time with Tuon, where he constantly has to act to try to figure out how to appease her without provoking her temper (Petruchio compares taming Katherine to falcon-taming, but Tuon would probably compare it to horse-training or damane-breaking), and Petruchio changes her name from ‘Katherine’ to ‘Kate’, which fits pretty well with Tuon’s insistence on never once calling Mat ‘Mat’.

Plus Mat getting his name changed to indicate that he now ‘belongs’ to Tuon’s people fits into this general category --  and historically, in the culture that Jordan belonged to, that’s normally a role given to women, to be given a new name that shows that they are now of their husband’s people and not their father’s; it’s usually their last name but, in the not too-distant past (and maybe currently in some places as well, idk), at least in the USA, women were often referred to as Mrs. “husband’s first name” “husband’s last name” with none of their own name making it into the address.

But a lot of the issues that I have with how this was written is that it felt like Mat was behaving like his hand was forced even when it wasn’t. Which is definitely a writing issue -- it’s a similar issue to the one that I have with the Rand & Min romance, for example, where Min desperately chases after something even though she doesn’t really want it at the start. Prophecy gets used as a way to skip actually writing important character or relationship beats, instead of prophecy being one of many tools in the writer’s kit.

So, yeah, it really is the execution of the storyline that is the biggest problem for me with Mat & Tuon, and the way it feels like he is pulled away from his other attachments whether or not that makes any narrative or character sense.

I really hope that the show does better with them, and with Mat in his endgame (should we get there, etc.).

I will say that I do think that Sanderson handled the romance better than Jordan did; the main problem was that it was already fundamentally broken by how the relationship was written in CoT & KoD, imo (the KoD collaring chapter in particular made me despise them as a pairing and my feelings never recovered from that moment). But in Sanderson’s books, we actually see the effects of Tuon compromising with Mat during various points of the Last Battle (though we see don’t actually see their private discussions and/or arguments that lead to those compromises), and there’s always a throughline showing how miserable the Seanchan lifestyle is for Mat, and those are two things that were majorly missing from CoT & KoD for me, but that make sense as the only way to make the romance even half-believable for Mat’s pre-established characterization from WH and earlier.

The three big issues that I have with Sanderson’s Mat are: the terrible first chapter of TGS (with the gross sexism); the terrible first chapter of AMoL (now featuring inexplicable teleportation); and the deep deep disservice done to Mat and Rand’s friendship (Rand got a personal goodbye with EVERYONE important to him EXCEPT Mat! And Mat got a personal reunion with everyone important to him, except Rand! All they got was the negotiation scene that was ultimately all about Fortuona and the Seanchan treaty, with Mat and Rand’s friendship being the set dressing around the scene).

But the relationship with Tuon honestly... makes a lot more sense in this book than it did in CoT & KoD (once we work past the brain-breaking logistics of the first chapter or so). There are TONS of hints that Mat has uncomfortable vibes going on underneath his casual exterior, plus Tuon actually does make some attempts at compromising with him, and if the well hadn’t been poisoned by how much I despised CoT/KoD-era Mat & Tuon then... I might have had a chance at enjoying AMoL-era Mat & Tuon for the toxic trainwreck that it is.

But, like all the characters & relationships in AMoL, we skip some pretty big moments in the Mat & Tuon relationship -- we see the effects of them compromising but we never actually see them coming to that compromise in private, which I feel like we needed after how unyielding and frankly how annoying Jordan made Tuon about everything.

We do end up with a Mat & a ‘Fortuona’ who remain at cross-purposes -- Mat continues to think of and refer to her as ‘Tuon’ while Fortuona has kinda reversed from thinking of him as a ‘buffoon’ to instead believing that he has the same kind of practical motivations behind his choices that she does, which is also not accurate. But Sanderson did add in some actual give-and-take to their relationship, which Jordan never seemed willing to do, so the AMoL-era Mat & Tuon is a lot more genuinely engaging for me, even if I do still think that they are one of the most obviously doomed fictional marriages that I have ever seen.

Final Mat-related question for the moment: the Seanchan Empire is based on authoritarian governments throughout history, so does how the Seanchan Empire operates mimic the behavior of a cult?

The popular model for cults is the BITE model, which was developed by a man who was deprogrammed from the Moon cult in 1976 (Steve Hassan). It’s an acronym:

Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotion control. BITE.

Do the Seanchan seek to control people’s behavior? (yes) Do they seek to control the flow of information that the people under them learn? (yes) Do they seek to have their members reject critical thought and only apply to the group-think? (yes)  Do they manipulate the emotions of their followers, usually instilling fear or paranoia about outsiders? (yes)

We know from earlier books that the Seanchan culture =/= the Seanchan Empire. There are constant civil wars and uprisings in their native land. This is explicitly why they are such good soldiers, because they are always fighting each other. Yet they present themselves as a monolith when they come to the Westlands, bragging about how they’re here to bring ‘order’ to a lawless continent. What they say about themselves does not match the truth of what else we know about them.

How does the Seanchan Empire exercise its control over its people? Everything I included here is something I think we’ve see the Empire do, but I did bold ones that are particularly blatant in the text.

Behavior control: Control types of clothing and hairstyles; permission required for major decisions; rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors both positive and negative; discourage individualism; encourage group-think; impose rigid rules and regulations; punish disobedience by beating, torture, burning, cutting, rape, or tattooing/branding; threaten harm to family and friends; encourage and engage in corporal punishment; instill dependency and obedience; kidnapping; beating; torture; murder

Information control: Distort information to make it more acceptable; systematically lie to the cult members; minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information; ensure that information is not freely accessible; control information at different levels and missions within group; allow only leadership to decide who needs to know what and when; encourage spying on other members; impose a buddy system to monitor and control member; report deviant thoughts, feelings, and actions to leadership; ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group; extensive use of cult-generated propaganda

Thought control: require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth; adopting the group’s ‘map of reality’ as reality; instill black and white thinking; organize people into us vs them; change person’s name and identity; use of loaded language and cliches which constrict knowledge; encourage only ‘good and proper’ thoughts; thought-stopping techniques to shut down reality testing: denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking; rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism; forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy; labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful

Emotion control: teach emotion-stopping techniques to block feelings of homesickness, anger, doubt; make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault; promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness; instill fear, such as fear of: thinking independently, the outside world, leaving or being shunned by the group; ritualistic and sometimes public confessions of sins; phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority, no happiness or fulfillment possible outside of group; shunning of those who leave; being told there is never a legitimate reason to leave.

“Destructive mind control can be determined when the overall effect of these four components promotes dependency and obedience to some leader or cause; it is not necessary for every single item on the list to be present.“ (in this case, that would be to the Empress, ~may she live forever~)

(all taken from freedomofmind(dot)com -- not linking because sometimes outside links make tumblr act weird about posts)

On the page, we witness the slow process of Leilwin née Egeanin pulling away and deprogramming from the Seanchan Empire, and then in this book, it feels like Mat has begun that process as well. And it feels like they started the same way -- because of a massive overreach by Tuon, the leader of the cult/Empire. Leilwin née Egeanin gets humiliated and punished by Tuon for no reason; just because Tuon felt like being a brat that day, and that moment of humiliation -- the re-naming and the forcing of the jewelry on her in a way that treated her like a slave -- was really what made Leilwin née Egeanin start to pull away from the other Seanchan and go into the path that eventually led to her being, however briefly, Egwene’s Warder.

For Mat, it really seems like whatever happened in that ‘not pleasant’ discussion that he and Tuon had after she berated him for, essentially, prioritizing Egwene’s privacy over Tuon’s desire to get information from him... that discussion (that we didn’t get to see) really seemed to lead to the more combative Mat who refused to back down and roll over for her. Mat still feels a level of protectiveness and affection for Tuon through the rest of the book but he stops letting her push him around and he starts acting like he cares about doing something about the slavery system in the Seanchan Empire again, which was a part of him that we lost at the start of CoT and I have hated so much that we lost in his character. But it slowly grows back over the course of the second half of AMoL.

Again, my big regret here is that the Mat & Rand reunion happened before Mat started his spine regrowth program. Even though Mat does start to push back on Tuon more here, he still never finished several of his character arcs that were set up over the course of the entire series: namely his own mistrust of Aes Sedai and his fear of Rand as a channeler. Both of those fears were things that he was actively working in the text and that he abruptly backtracked on when Tuon was introduced into his life (because being chill with channelers and being chill with people who enslave channelers is contradictory and so Jordan decided... to go with being chill with slavers). So those are two flapping loose ends for his character at the end of this series that never got to fully be addressed because the ‘romance’ was prioritized over Mat’s characterization.

Loial

Loial is looking for people to help him with accounts for his book and “Perrin ignored me and Mat cannot be found”.

Mat just completely disappearing from the Westlands side of things to go set up a fireworks show for Tuon (and asking Aludra to be the one to set it up, which just seems kinda mean, considering that the Seanchan pretty much completely eliminated the Illuminators) is just... frustrating. Apparently Mat visited the battlefield here “smiling and healthy” but then vanished. So, in theory, there’s an empty place here where Mat might have visited Rand and talked to Elayne & co one last time, since Rand is in the main healing tent on this battlefield.

Loial also notes how odd it is that Elayne and Min don’t seem to feel any urge to go in to hold Rand’s hand while he’s dying (Aviendha is getting her legs looked at). I know, Loial! They’re the worst fake-grievers who ever lived, I swear. If the whole point is to trick people into thinking Rand is dead, then it might be a good idea to... actually try to trick people?

Moghedien

In which Tuon’s people are already breaking the terms of the treaty by snatching up channelers from the battlefield at Merrilor. No hundred years of peace, Rand. I’m sorry.

Rand (& all those who say ‘goodbye’ to him, or who don’t)

Rand leaves the mountain, slipping on his own blood and carrying a body. Shayol Ghul is trying to close before he can leave and he only barely makes it out in time before the cave snaps shut behind him.

Moiraine tells Rand that he did well, and Nynaeve tries desperately to keep him alive, but eventually, and without ever waking back up, ‘Rand’ dies.

Elayne, Aviendha, and Min do the absolute worst job of playing grieving widows ever. Like, if Rand had actually died, I could understand this better. Because they might really be in shock. But they know he’s alive! And their whole job is to convince people that they absolutely believe that he’s dead! Just... pinch your arm until you start crying! This is literally the most suspicious way that they could have gone about things -- Nynaeve is already extremely suspicious of how they’re acting. Seriously, she’s gonna wiggle the truth out of them pretty much five seconds post-epilogue.

Birgitte comes to say goodbye to Elayne because she’s about to be reborn... and to mention that she’s tossed away the Horn of Valere. Sure hope that Elayne doesn’t regret that in ten years when they’re at war with the Seanchan!

Tam hopes that now his son can get some rest. My hope is that Rand will, you know, go and talk to his dad after he’s had a chance to recover from the stress and trauma of the Last Battle. Also, Tam... you’re gonna have grandkids. No thoughts on that, I see. Still no thoughts on that.

The funeral scene frustrates me to pieces.

Honestly, the most frustrating thing about the funeral scene is how easy it would have been to casually mention that Mat and Perrin were there? Like, that’s ONE SENTENCE. Just... the erasure of those years of friendship, because heterosexual marriage, in Jordan’s fictional world, meant that close male-male friendships just stopped existing. It’s depressing. That CADSUANE is considered to have more right to be at Rand’s funeral than his childhood friends who were also vital parts of the Last Battle. It’s insulting. And apparently Tam organized it? But he couldn’t be bothered to invite his kid’s best friends. Definitely a place where Sanderson should have done some editing of the original epilogue. One sentence is all that was needed.

*sigh*

I do think that Sanderson did try to set up why Mat wouldn’t have gone -- we have seen Mat, in several of his recent PoV scenes, swallowing his grief over losing people he loves and not letting it appear to affect him openly, even as it rocked him deeply, so Rand’s death would be another of those gut-punches that he would do his best to pretend didn’t happen. But, fuck... it just sucks that the friendship between Mat and Rand is such a sublimated thing in this last book, when Rand and Mat both got to much more openly deal with pretty much every other important relationship that they had (though I will note that Rand and Sulin never got a reunion either! Rude!).

Perrin didn’t get anything like that kind of subtextual explanation, but Perrin actually did visit Rand’s healing tent while he was dying, so at least he got that much. *shrugs*

Min thinking here about how the assembled people expect a ‘show’ of grief -- yes, they have all found it exceedingly odd that none of you appear to be grieving the man you said that you loved.

Rand wakes up in his new body, washed clean of the wounds that he’d taken over the course of the series. No more missing hand; no more agonizing pain in his side. 

I have to admit “she left me some money” feels like a pretty anti-climatic way for Alivia to “help Rand die”? She wasn’t really involved in his “death” at all -- it was really Moiraine and Nynaeve who were the ones who ‘helped’ him die. I mean, any one of Min, Elayne, or Aviendha could have left him some money, since they all know he’s alive. I wonder if Jordan was originally thinking that Alivia would be the one joining Rand & Nynaeve for the cave journey, and it was Sanderson who decided that Moiraine would be more appropriate? Nothing distinctively Moiraine happens in that cave, not the way that Nynaeve was needed to be there to heal Alanna without using the Power. Like, this poor woman was harassed by Min for a handful of books because of that prophecy and all she did was leave Rand some money! Min better find her and apologize to her! (I already know that she won’t)

Haha, so confession: my brain edited out that new!Rand had lost saidin. My brain was just like “nope, of course he can still channel”. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of Rand not being a channeler at the end of the story, so that part I’m not thrilled about. He does have his newfound ability to use the threads of reality to basically channel anyway, though. Or at least I assume that’s what the pipe scene is about.

And then his thought, too, about ‘which’ of the women will follow him - yeah, you’re right that thinking that means you’ve gotten a swollen head! They all have responsibilities! Though since Rand leaves so abruptly here, there’s a lot that he doesn’t know, and the two things that most affect this specific question are: the extent of Aviendha’s injuries and the extent of Min’s involvement with the Seanchan. Literally zero of them is in a position to go chasing after Rand, even if they wanted to! Rand is the one who has no obligations and can easily visit them if he wants (well, maybe not ‘easily’ if Min does end up in the Empire).

But I can still remember, wow, what a relief it was that he was alive at the end, and free and unbound. The rest can be... adjusted by post-canon theories.

In terms of ‘things that aren’t covered but that we can probably assume’:

It does look like Elayne ended up with all three of the medallion copies -- the one Mellar used on her, the one that was on Birgitte’s body, and the third was with Lan and she probably reclaimed it (there’s nothing to indicate that Mat spoke with Lan and got it back), so the slaver empress never gets that medallion that Mat wanted to give her back in ToM. Tragic.

Despite Elayne and Tam speaking frequently over the course of AMoL, they somehow never speak about the whole grandkids issue. I feel like we can assume that this happens at some point, post-epilogue? Elayne and Aviendha both seem like they would go back to Caemlyn to rebuild. And Tam doesn’t really have a reason to go back to the Two Rivers at this point, so I can see him ending in Caemlyn too because: grandkids.

Technically, Min has slipped the Seanchan net at this point and could just not go back if she wants, so she can either go back to the Seanchan or she could go to Caemlyn with Elayne & Aviendha, but if she does stay away from the Seanchan, Tuon is going to try to get her back. Unless she was super-turned off by Min actually standing up to her in front of all the Blood and hastily makes Selucia her Truthspeaker again. That’s another possibility.

Ah, since we were told earlier that Melaine was about ready to give birth and Birgitte tells Elayne that she’s about to be reborn: Melaine might be her mom. I feel like Birgitte being reborn as Aiel sounds kinda fun.

I feel like Rand would not actually enjoy traveling all on his own after a while, given what we know about him, so he would probably end up visiting Caemlyn. And given how suspicious Nynaeve already is in the epilogue, I’m going to guess that she knows the truth by the time Rand goes to Caemlyn.

If Mat decides to leave the Seanchan behind at any point, he will probably also go to Caemlyn, and Mat and Rand can finally have a good reunion.

All in all, there are things about the ending that don’t thrill me but there are also things I really like. And having an ending at all helps in terms of sparking the imagination for fanfiction or meta or... an Amazon Prime television series. I don’t think we would have ever gotten the series if the books had stayed unfinished.

The epilogue checklist (and my theories about how it affected AMoL)

So, while reading AMoL, it felt like Sanderson took a couple of shortcuts in order to bruteforce the characters into reaching their epilogue endpoints, because there simply wasn’t enough time for it to happen naturally. This is my list of things that I believe got shortchanged due to “writing to the epilogue”:

Fortuona is pregnant in the epilogue: at the start of AMoL, Mat gets teleported to Ebou Dar without any kind of narrative or logistical explanation (contradicting his PoV chapter in the ending of ToM, where he was planning to return to Caemlyn, which would have thrust him directly into the main stories at play in the prologue & early chapters). I feel like part of it is that Sanderson really wanted to get that bun in the oven as quickly as possible.

“they expected something from the three of them; a show of some kind” : There’s just a wide acknowledgement in the epilogue that literally everyone knows that Rand has three girlfriends, so everyone just already knows in AMoL that Rand is in a relationship with three women now. No need for anyone to have emotional reactions to it, please! (not even Rand’s literal dad!) This one also ends up being weird because it seems to change from moment-to-moment whether or not the whole army knows that Rand has three girlfriends (if everyone knows already, why is Rand playing spy games with Elayne?).

Min is Fortuona’s pregnancy test: Min instantly respects ~Fortuona~ as an empress even while thinking that she doesn’t normally respect nobility. Bizarre, considering Min’s own history with the Seanchan from Falme.

Mat kills Fain: we got two super-quick glimpses of Fain earlier in the book to set up this moment but Mat had so much other stuff to do that Sanderson couldn’t really do more than say: yeah, Fain exists and he’s bad, lol.

Minor elements I think were affect by the epilogue:

Rand is still pondering over the idea of choosing between Elayne, Aviendha, or Min: we get Rand’s going “am I allowed to love three women? idk sounds fake” when he and Aviendha sleep together in chapter 4, which just was kinda silly. I think the epilogue is also the genesis of the vibe where Rand appears to consider “having sex with Min for months” to not be any kind of “choice” when it comes to the three women, but having a romantic interlude with Aviendha or Elayne would signal a choice -- because the epilogue acts like the situation between Rand and each of the three women is roughly equal, so “months of sex with Min” appears to hold the same emotional weight to Rand as “pining from afar with two nights of intense passion” does when he thinks of either Elayne or Aviendha.

Mat has no thoughts about any of the Westlands characters: I think that this is more of a subconscious effect -- as he focused more on the final book, I think Sanderson focused on the relationships highlighted in the all-important epilogue... and the only person that Mat cares about in the epilogue is himself *cough* I mean, Fortuona, of course, lol. In both TGS and in ToM, Mat’s deep affection for various Westlands characters was constantly on display, as shown in his own ‘loves lying to himself’ way. This gets curtailed in AMoL, especially in the early Ebou Dar chapters.

I think I’m going to let myself might let myself marinate over the various books before I post a final list of my personal ranking of the books.

One thing that I’ve really noticed is that, more than any other character, the quality of Mat’s storyline has a huge impact on my overall enjoyment of the book. In CoT & KoD, Elayne and Egwene (both of whom I love), got pretty good stories. But Mat’s story was so bad that it made it difficult for me to enjoy the good parts. But maybe some time just letting myself think about the series as a whole will balance out my thoughts. Does that make Mat my favorite character or just my most impactful character? idk. I feel like Elayne or Rand would more consistently hit the top of my favorites.

Overall top five characters throughout the entire series:

1. Elayne

2. Rand

3. Egwene

4. Mat (might be higher if not for CoT & KoD)

5. Nynaeve (might be higher if she didn’t basically disappear after she married Lan)

Then, moving on to the next favs, I think there’s more uncertainty there for me:

6. Verin, probably, but it could be Moiraine. Let’s say they tie.

7. Aviendha and Siuan can both go here. Both generally very good and interesting characters.

8. You know, I had a real turnaround with Gawyn in this reread of the books; I’m gonna put him here. He can share this spot with Leilwin née Egeanin.

9. Loial, probably. Needed more PoV; that would have been nice. I’ll put Faile here with him.

10.  For more minor characters, I gotta give a shout-out to Narishma (favorite Asha’man), Sulin, Pevara during her Black Ajah Hunter phase, Olver is really good in his sections here in AMoL, Asmodean for being my favorite fail-Forsaken and Moghedien for sticking it out until the very end, Elaida honestly very fun PoV as far as villains go, Teslyn and Joline for being troopers and enduring Mat Cauthon at his very worst, my girl Berelain who always deserved better, the ‘Finn in general always lots of fun, Aludra and Juilin who always kept their integrity intact.

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Cocaine Bear

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~700

Summary: You and Wanda watch a weird movie

A/N: This contains spoilers for Cocaine Bear!! So beware... this is just a short little fluffy thing

Warnings: Fluff and crack 

“Wands, we don’t have to keep watching this.”

“It’s a little…”

Wanda trails off as she tries to find words to describe how ridiculous this movie is. She’s not sure if it’s supposed to be more of a comedy than horror, but she’s struggling to figure it out even as they’re 50 minutes in. She’s finding it hard to be scared and she’s mostly just laughing at the fact that this bear is so doped up it’s attacking people for more drugs.

It shouldn’t be funny, but Wanda finds herself bursting into fits of giggles whenever someone looks so shocked to see a bear just chilling with white dust on his nose while eating his latest victim. She curls up next to you and shakes her head at the idea of stopping. They somehow have an hour left, but now she needs to know how it ends. You decide to humor her and you laugh slightly before just nodding and lying back to watch Wanda more than you watch the movie.

“I don’t know if that much cocaine would cause this, versus just killing him.”

Wanda shushes you gently before snuggling closer to you with a yawn. You shouldn’t even be trying to make sense of this movie, but this is what you tend to do when things don’t keep your interest. You try to rationalize them and usually it’s enough to distract you from the horrible plot. In this case you have Wanda to thank for that and you can’t help but smile as she near cackles as the ‘cocaine bear’ collapses on someone you think is a criminal. It only takes someone dropping their cocaine for it to jump up and swallow the whole thing.

“What is happening?”

As soon as you speak up the bear starts dancing with the poor man that he’d been lying on earlier. You both just watch in silence as the bear who had just been identified as a female, bathes in a shower of cocaine. Your mouth is still hanging open as the movie gets a little sad, but the hunt for the bear that’s run off continues. You shift on the couch and groan as you try and push Boone’s butt out of the way.

“Are they just all arguing while he kicks those cubs?”

You frown in annoyance as one character continues to a greedy asshole while the bear gets another high. You can’t help but roll your eyes at the fact that this bear has done more cocaine than anyone you know. You wonder how many more hits she’ll get before the movie ends. Wanda’s eyes are closed but she’s still listening to the chaos that erupts on screen. You continue to eat popcorn as your wife mostly just rests her head on your lap.

Once the movie’s over you just huff before glancing at the clock with a small smile. You run your fingers through your wife’s hair to see if she’ll stir but she seems very comfortable so you just let her rest.

“That was 90 minutes of my life I won’t get back, but at least I spent it with you.”

You hear Wanda laugh at this and a few seconds later she’s sitting up so she can kiss you. She looks over to Boone to see he’s curled up in a ball at the end of the couch with Fletcher stepping all over him. He grumbles but tolerates his fur sister being annoying, so Wanda turns her attention to you with a smile.

“We can watch something else.”

You’d already been thinking of what movie to watch next at the 20-minute mark of this one. You had an animated movie that you really wanted to watch. It was based off of the series, and you were already searching for it as Wanda reaches over you to pet her cat. As expected, Fletcher steps on your lap to get to her mom and you just smirk before starting The Bob’s Burgers Movie.

“This movie is going to be so much better. I promise.”

Masterlist

[omgkatherine01]

Between Your Wings - Chapter 3: Back to the City

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2, Chapter 4

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x female reader x Rick Grimes (slow burn)

Please comment, like and share

That night, you sat around the campfire with the members of the camp. Rick was recounting his journey here, "I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else. For a while I thought I was trapped in some coma dream, something I might not wake up from ever."

"Mom said you died," Carl said softly, and you tilted your head sadly.

Rick nodded, his voice soft, "She had every reason to believe that. Don't you ever doubt that."

"When things started getting really bad, they told us at the hospital that they were going to medevac you and other patients to Atlanta, but it never happened," Lori spoke up.

"Well, I'm not surprised after Atlanta fell," Rick said, "From the look of that hospital, it got overrun."

"Yeah, looks don't deceive," Shane finally spoke up, "I barely got them out, you know?"

Rick's eyes shifted to Shane, a small smile forming across his face, "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane. I can't begin to express it."

Dale smiled, leaning back in his seat, "There go those words falling short again. Paltry things."

The sound of a log being dropped into a nearby fire caught your attention. You glanced over at the Peletiers, Ed sitting back down in his seat. Every night since you'd all arrived here, he had insisted that his family have their own fire. He wanted to keep Carol and their daughter Sophia as far away from the rest of you as possible.

"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane asked.

"It's cold, man," Ed told him.

"The cold don't change the rules, does it?" Shane asked. "Keep our fires low, just embers so we can't be seen from a distance, right?"

"I said it's cold," Ed told him, "You should mind your own business for once."

Shane stood up, walking toward the Peletier family, standing in front of Ed, "Hey, Ed... are you sure you want to have this conversation, man?"

Ed looked at his wife, "Go on. Pull the damn thing out." Carol didn't move. "Go on!"

Carol stood up, walking around.

Shane shook his head, "Christ."

Carol pulled the log out of the fire, walking back to sit between Ed and Sophia.

Shane stomped the flames out, looking at Carol and Sophia, kneeling in front of them, "Hey, Carol, Sophia, how are y'all this evening?"

"Fine," Carol told him, "We're just fine."

"Okay," Shane told them.

"I'm sorry about the fire," Carol told him.

"No, no, no," Shane told her, "No apology needed. Y'all have a good night, okay?"

"Thank you," Carol told him.

Shane stood up, looking at Ed, "I appreciate the cooperation." He walked away, walking back toward the others, sitting back between T-Dog and Amy.

Dale cleared his throat, everyone having clearly been watching the situation as intensely as you had, "Have you all given any more thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind."

"I'll tell him," T-Dog said, "I dropped the key. It's on me."

"I cuffed him," Rick said, "That makes it mine."

"Guys, it's not a competition," Glenn said, "I don't mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy... maybe... someone like Audery?"

You frowned and looked at your closes friend, "What?"

Glenn shrugged, "I'm just saying... you are the safest person to tell him. Because he won't beat you up."

You shook your head, "Nah, nope. I'm not telling shit. Wasn't there, didn't see what happened exactly." Glenn nudged your shoulder with his while some of the group smiled with amusement. "Don't drag me into this."

"I did what I did." You looked at T-Dog, who looked down in slight shame. "Hell if I'm gonna hide from it."

"We could lie," Amy suggested.

"Or we tell the truth," Andrea said, "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed." She looked at Lori, "Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's."

"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asked, "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you? Word to the wise--We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt."

"I was scared, and I ran," T-Dog said softly, "I'm not ashamed of it."

"We were all scared," Andrea told him, "We all ran. What's your point?"

"I stopped long enough to chain that door," T-Dog said, "Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that--Not that chain, not that padlock. My point--Dixon's alive and he's still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That's on us."

The camp went silent, everyone reflecting on the conversation. Nobody really wanted to tell Daryl anything; You knew Daryl was a hot headed like Merle, but he wasn't nearly as bad as his big brother.

You wouldn't lie, ever since you've met the Dixon brothers, you thought the youngest Dixon was quite attractive. You were shy at first to approach him--not to mention you pulled your father's gun to his face when you first met him when he and Merle stepped into your and your father's hiding place--but as time went on, he got used to you been around him.

You knew you developed a crush on him, but you kept it to yourself. Or well used to, until you and Amy had a heart-to-heart talk, and she found out you had a crush on him, she teased you a couple of times when it was just the two of you, but she definitely kept it a secret.

You sighed softly and looked down at Max who was lying on your feet. You would have to be the one to talk to Daryl about Merle.

Slowly everyone started to turn in, heading to their tents. You picked Max into your arms and walked to your tent. You walked inside and placed Max on the tent's floor. He walked to his small bed, and you put your boots outside before zipping your tent up.

You petted Max before stepping to your bed and lying down.

Tomorrow will be hard; you just knew it.

****

You woke up to a lick on your hand and opened your eyes slowly to see Max was awake and he whimpered. You groaned softly and slowly got out of the bed. Max jumped to the entrance of the tent, and you unzipped it.

He jumped out and ran off, wiggling his tail and you rubbed the sleep from your eyes and brushed your fingers through your hair. You put your boots on and stepped out completely.

You looked around at the camp and spotted only a few people around while the others still sleeping, which meant it was pretty early in the morning. "Morning, Audrey!" You looked up at top of the RV to see Jim.

You smiled as you stepped up to the RV. "Morning, Jim."

"Slept well?"

You shrugged, "Guess so. And so did Max, since he hasn't woken me up in the middle of the night." Jim smiled as he let out a chuckle. "Did you sleep?"

"Yeah, don't worry, just took the shift from Shane," Jim said and frowned, "Dale said he was up all night." You frowned at that; Shane was supposed to be on shift night but during the night Dale was supposed to take over.

"Huh," you said softly and glanced around before spotting Max running toward you, with his tongue out. You kneeled down and petted your puppy with affection. "Who's a good boy?"

"Son of a bitch!"

You looked to the direction the shouting came from and saw Ed throwing his shoe on the ground. You looked down at Max who just tilted his head up at you. You glanced slowly to Ed's direction... which was where Max was before running to you.

"Oh, you really are a good boy," you praised your dog quietly and rubbed him on the head. "Yes, you are." Max gave a small bark and fell on his back, and you giggled as you rubbed his belly. "Yes, you are!"

"Hey!" You looked over to Ed as he stormed toward you, and you froze.

Carol ran after him worried, "Ed--"

"Shut it," he said as he glared over at her and then turned back to you as you stood up with Max in your arms. He pointed in your face, and you took a step back while he glared at you, "Your stupid dog ruined my shoe!"

"Is there a problem, Ed?" you looked over your shoulder at Shane as he approached to your side.

"That little bitch's dog peed in my shoe," Ed hissed.

Shane's eyes darkened and his jaw clenched before he spoke in a calm tone which sounded scary, "First of all, don't call her that. Second, your shoe must have fell on the side, should watch how to put your shoes outside the tent." He stepped forward and faced Ed closer, "Now, anything else?"

Ed didn't answer and just glared between the two of you for another second before turning and storming back toward his tent. Shane and you watched him and Carol before you looked at Shane as he stepped around and stood in front of you.

"You okay?" he asked, and you nodded. He nodded and looked at Max for a moment before he smirked lightly and petted his head, speaking softly, "Good boy."

You let out a chuckle as he praised him for the nasty trick, and Max barked, wiggling his tail happily.

****

Everyone were now up and around. The kids had asked you if it was all right to take Max and play with him near the camp, which you happily agreed for them to do so. But your happy mood changed when Dale had told you the men would have to take parts out from the sports car you stole yesterday. 

You stood on the side with your arms crossed over your chest, watching in complete sadness as Dale, Jim and Morales worked on the car. "It's not fair," you said, while the three amused men ignored your complains, "Taking my new car apart is just cruelty."

You felt someone next to you and you glanced over to see Rick, who was staring at the men and the car. "Look at 'em," you said as you looked at them, "They took my dream car."

You heard Rick letting out a soft chuckle. Dale stepped closer with part of the car, which made you sad even more. "Generators need every drop of fuel they can get," he said, "Got no power without it. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

He rubbed your arm and walked away. You looked over at Rick, "Thought I'd get to drive it at least a few more days."

Rick petted your back with a nod, "Maybe we'll get to steal another one someday."

"Hope so," you muttered and glanced back at him as he walked toward Lori. You looked back at your ruined car in disappointment before letting a soft sigh.

You heard a honk and looked behind the car at Shane's jeep driving closer. Shane parked and leaned up, "Water's here, y'all. Just a reminder to boil before use." You watched the men approaching the jeep to help carry the water tanks.

You walked up to Shane who noticed your expression, "Oh no, what happened while I was away?" he asked with a frown.

"Stolen car has been torn apart," you answered.

"Oh boy, that's sucks," he said as he leaned to the passenger side and grabbed his rifle. "Look like one hell of a car. Don't worry, you get another one day."

"Can you go this time to the city and get me another one?" you asked with a small smirk.

He laughed, "Just because I care about you, that does not mean I'll go to the city just to get you the same looking car you stole." 

You pouted jokingly, "You mean." Your friendly conversation was cut off by screaming in the distance, and you tensed up and turned to where the screams came from.

"Mom!"

You watched as half the campers ran toward the direction the screaming came from. You followed them and immediately spotted Carl embracing his mother with Max in his arms. "What happened?" she asked, "Are you okay?!"

"Yeah," Carl answered as you watched the men running to where Jacqui was pointing.

You followed the men to the path and paused when you saw a walker kneeling down and eating an already dead deer. You leaned forward and saw the animal had a few arrows stuck in him.

You heard footsteps behind you and glanced over to see Andrea and Amy stopping near you. You turned back your attention to the men, the walker stopped and turned to them. He slowly got up and then Rick hit him with the pole, and he fell to the ground.

You watched the men beating the walker until Dale finished the walker off by chopping his head off with an axe. There was a moment of silent after that until Dale spoke, "It's the first one we've had up here. They never come this far up the mountain."

You heard small growling and looked down to see Max had left Carl's side and now was standing next to you and the sisters. His tail wiggled and he was staring at the dead walker.

You picked Max up and held him in your arms before turning your attention back to the men. "They're running out of food in the city, that's what," Jim said.

You heard branch snapping from behind him and you all looked tensed up. Andrea pulled you and Amy near her sides as you watched the men holding their weapons up.

Then after a moment of only hearing the footsteps approaching, you were relief to see it was only Daryl stepping into view. He paused and stared at the men, and they lowered their weapons down when they realized it was only Daryl.

"Oh, Jesus."

Max gave one bark in your arms when he saw Daryl, his tail wiggling.

"Son of a bitch," Daryl snapped as he looked at the deer. "That's my deer!" He walked closer. "Look at it. All gnawed on by this--" He kicked the Walker. "Filthy, disease-bearing, motherless poxy bastard."

"Calm down, son," Dale told him, "That's not helping."

Daryl walked around the Walker, standing in front of Dale, and you took a few steps forward toward them. "What do you know about it, old man?" he snapped, "Why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to 'On Golden Pond'?" He walked back to the deer, taking out the arrows. "I've been tracking this deer for miles. Gonna drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison. What do you think? Do you think we can cut around this chewed up part right here?"

As much as venison sounded good, you had to disagree because of the walker, "I would not risk that," you spoke up and glanced around at the men to see Shane nodding in agreement, before at Daryl.

Daryl looked back at you and then at the deer with a sigh, "That's a damn shame. I got some squirrel--about a dozen or so. That'll have to do."

The head of the Walker started to move his teeth. "Oh, God," Amy said behind you and you glanced back to see the sisters leaving.

"Come on, people," Daryl said and you turned back. "What the hell?" He shot the Walker's head with his crossbow. The arrow hit him in the eye, killing the walker. Daryl pulled the arrow out. "It's gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothing?"

Daryl walked past Shane and Rick. He petted Max on the head as he walked past you. You turned to the men and saw Rick watching Daryl leaving. "Yeah..." you trailed off and he looked at you, "That's Daryl."

You turned and took a step to leave but then Glenn spoke, "So... Audrey, you will... right?" You turned and gave Glenn a look as you raised your eyebrow. You didn't say anything and just turned and walked after Daryl to the camp.

"Merle! Merle! Get your ugly ass out here! I got us some squirrel! Let's stew 'em up."

You gently placed Max on the ground, and he ran up to the RV to where Lori was. You cleared your throat, "Hey Daryl?" Daryl stopped and turned to you as you walked close to him. "I, uh, I need to talk to you."

"'Bout what?" Daryl asked.

"About Merle," you answered, "There was a--there was a problem in Atlanta."

Daryl looked around, then he looked at you, "He dead?"

"No, I mean, we don't think so--" you started as Shane stepped to your side.

"We're not sure."

"He either is or he ain't!" Daryl yelled at him.

Rick walked closer, "No easy way to say this, so I'll just say it."

"Who are you?"

"Rick Grimes."

"Rick Grimes," Daryl huffed, "You got something you want to tell me?"

"Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there."

"Hold on, let me process this," Daryl said as he stepped back, facing away from everyone as he wiped his eyes. It took a moment before he turned back to Rick, "You're saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof, and you left him there?"

"Yeah."

Without missing a beat, Daryl flung the rope of squirrels at Rick before rushing to tackle him. Shane jumped into action, body slamming him to the ground as you stepped back. Daryl then pulled out a knife, swinging it back and forth at the two men. "Daryl, stop!" you called.

Rick was able to sneak in a gut punch, allowing for Shane to get Daryl into a choke hold. "You'd best let me go!" Daryl yelled, thrashing his body.

Shane shook his head, "I think it's better if I don't."

"Choke hold's illegal," Daryl snapped. 

"You can file a complaint," Shane said as Daryl continuing to thrash in his arms, "Come on, man. We can do this all day."

Rick knelt in front of Daryl, looking him in the eyes, "I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic. Do you think we can manage that?"

Daryl thought for a moment, before choking out a quiet 'Yeah'. Shane looked at Rick for reassurance before letting the man go.

"What I did was not on a whim," Rick told him, "Your brother does not work and play well with others."

"It's not Rick's fault," T-Dog told him, "I had the key. I dropped it."

"You couldn't pick it up?" Daryl asked. 

"I dropped it in a drain."

Rick stood up as Daryl looked down at the ground, breathing heavily, standing up, looking at T-Dog, "If it's supposed to make me feel better, it don't."

"Well, maybe this will," T-Dog told him, "Look, I chained the door to the roof--So the geeks couldn't get at him--with a padlock."

Rick looked at Daryl, "It's gotta count for something."

Daryl looked away, shaking his head, "Hell with all y'all!" He looked at Rick. "Just tell me where he is so that I can go get him."

"He'll show you," Lori told him, and everyone looked at her, "Isn't that right?"

Rick looked around, nodding, "I'm going back." Lori shook her head slightly and she turned and walked into the RV. You looked at Rick and watched him walking to the tents and Shane followed him clearly pissed off with the idea.

You stepped to your ruined car and leaned against the side of it as you crossed your arms across your chest. Daryl glanced to your way before quickly he sat down on one of the rocks and started to clean his arrows.

There was a couple of minutes of silent, full of tension in the air until you saw Rick and Shane walking back to the main camp, with Rick in his uniform.

"Well, look, I--I don't, okay, Rick?" Shane asked, "So could you just--Could you throw me a bone here, man? Could you just tell me why? Why would you risk your life for a douche bag like Merle Dixon?"

"Hey, choose your words more carefully," Daryl snapped at him.

"No, I did," Shane told him. "Douche bag's what I meant." He looked at Rick. "Merle Dixon--The guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst."

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me," Rick told him, "I can't let a man die of thirst--me. Thirst and exposure. We left him like an animal caught in a trap. That's no way for anything to die, let alone a human being."

Lori was sitting on logs with Carl and Max, "So you and Daryl, that's your big plan?"

Rick turned around, before his eyes landed on you. Oh no, he was staring at me you thought. You pointed at yourself, "Me?"

"You know the way," Rick pleaded as he stepped closer to you, "You've been there before. In and out, no problem. You said so yourself. It's not fair of me to ask, I know that, but I'd feel a lot better with you there. I know she would too." His eyes landed on Lori, and you looked over at her for a moment. You sighed and nodded lightly.

"That's just great," Shane told him sarcastically. "Now you're gonna risk three people, huh?"

"Four," T-Dog said.

"My day just gets better and better, don't it?" Daryl huffed.

"You see anybody else here stepping up to save your brother's cracker ass?" T-Dog asked.

"Why you?"

"You wouldn't even begin to understand. You don't speak my language."

Dale let out a heavy sigh, "That's four then."

"It's not just four," Shane said, looking at Rick, "You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick. Come on, you saw that Walker. It was here. It was in camp. They're moving out of the cities. They come back, we need every able body we've got. We need 'em here. We need 'em to protect camp."

"Sounds to me like what you really need are more guns," Rick said.

"What guns?" Shane asked.

"Six shotguns, two high-powered rifles, over a dozen handguns," Rick explained, "I cleaned out the cage back at the station before I left. I dropped the bag in Atlanta when I got swarmed. It's just sitting there on the street, waiting to be picked up."

"Ammo?" Shane asked. 

"700 rounds, assorted," Rick answered. 

"You went through hell to find us," Lori told him, "You just got here and you're gonna turn around and leave?"

Carl stepped forward, looking up at Rick, "Dad, I don't want you to go."

"To hell with the guns," Lori told him. "Shane is right. Merle Dixon? He's not worth one of your lives, even with guns thrown in." Rick walked closer to them. Lori stood up. "Tell me. Make me understand."

"I owe a debt to a man I met and his little boy," Rick told her, "Lori, if they hadn't taken me in, I'd have died. It's because of them that I made it back to you at all. They said they'd follow me to Atlanta. They'll walk into the same trap I did if I don't warn him."

"What's stopping you?" Lori asked.

"The walkie-talkie, the one in the bag I dropped," Rick answered. "He's got the other one. Our plan was to connect when they got closer."

"These are our walkies?" Shane asked. 

"Yeah," Rick answered. 

"So use the CB," Andrea told him. "What's wrong with that?"

"The CB's fine," Shane said, "It's the walkies that suck to crap--Date back to the '70s, don't match any other bandwidth--Not even the scanners in our cars."

Rick looked at Lori, "I need that bag. Okay?"

Lori looked away, "All right."

As the men began loading the van for the trip, you approached Lori who stared longingly at her husband. "Hey, I'll watch over him, don't worry," you assured.

Lori looked at you and smiled a small smile, nodding. She wrapped her arms around you, bringing you into a hug. You hugged her back as she spoke quietly, "I didn't get the chance to thank you for saving him."

"What, he told you?" you asked, and you both pulled out from the embrace.

"Yes."

"You're welcome," you said, "I got his back, don't worry."

Lori nodded and then said, "Be careful out there."

"Always am."

Daryl beeped on the horn of the van with his feet, "Come on, let's go!"

Carl ran closer and you hugged him gently, "Alright, bud, remember what happens when I'm out?"

"Keep Max close," he said as he pulled away.

You smirked and nodded, "See you soon."

He waved to you goodbye as you headed to the van. You got into the passenger seat and closed the door. Rick got into the driver seat and closed his door. After a moment of waiting, you glanced over and saw Daryl sliding the back door close and sat in front of T-Dog.

"All right let's get going," you muttered, and Rick started the van and drove off.

****

"He'd better be okay." You glanced up from the map and over your shoulder to Daryl when he spoke, you saw him looking at T-Dog, "It's my only word on the matter."

"I told you the geeks can't get at him," T-Dog told him, "The only thing that's gonna get through that door is us."

You turned back your attention to the road and when you saw you reached just outside the city and on the railroad tracks, you looked at Rick, "Stop here."

Rick did as you said and slowly stopped and parked the van. "We walk from here," you said as you glanced at the men before opening the door and getting out. They followed your move and you glanced at T-Dog and saw him holding his side for a brief second before letting his arm fall. "You okay?" you asked.

"Yeah," he answered as you all ran to the gates, and walked through the cut fence of the highway.

Rick looked at you, "Merle first or guns?"

"Merle," Daryl snapped, "We ain't even having this conversation."

"We are," Rick warned him and then turned his attention back to you, "You know the geography. It's your call."

"Merle's closest," you answered, "The guns would mean doubling back." You glanced at Daryl, "Merle first."

Daryl gave a small nod to you, and you all ran all the way to the building of the clothing store, and you all paused. There were no longer herd of walkers around the area but that didn't mean there was no walkers inside. Rick walked in first, and looked around before nodding for all of you to follow in.

Rick stopped you all suddenly, seeing a Walker inside, looking at Daryl, signaling him. Daryl walked past you, walking toward the Walker, holding his crossbow, "Damn. You are one ugly skank."

The Walker noticed him, taking a step closer but then Daryl shot an arrow to the Walker's head, killing it, walking toward it. He pulled the arrow out, cleaning it from blood with his pants. "Let's go," he said, and you all ran to the stairs that lead to the roof.

At the top of the stairs, T-Dog cut the chain to the door. Daryl pushed past him, throwing the door open and running onto the roof.

"Merle! Merle!" Daryl called out, looking around.

You followed the men who came to an abrupt stop.

"Oh, my God," you whispered, covering your mouth with your hand.

Daryl rushed over, "No!" You looked at him, and he began pacing back and forth, tears welling in his eyes as he continued to scream out.

Everyone remained silent, not knowing exactly what to say; if there was anything to say.

Your eyes lingered on the ground, Merle's severed hand sitting next to a hacksaw. Semi-dried blood was pooled around it, droplets leading away from the scene. Yet, there was no sign of Merle at all.

That crazy son of a bitch.

[raidtheradio]

Hard Morning

Summary: You help Arthur through a particularly hard morning.

Notes: I just wanted to write something short and simple hehe, I have this other series I really gotta work on I posted like one chapter then disappeared for a month. Anyway, I haven't edited this since it's midnight and I'm high I might edit it later though who knows.

Read it on AO3!

Arthur Morgan is dying, his sickly dry heaving reminds you every day. ‘Black Lung’ Micah calls him. The cruel nickname creates a devastating image in your head when you hear him heave.

He struggles through daily life, he helps you girls with camp chores that are normally left to the women and Mr. Pearson. Karen is often too drunk to walk, and Abigail struggles worrying about her husband in prison. With two people out of condition, the workload had been overwhelming for you and your partners in crime. You tell Arthur every day not to worry, that he should just rest and focus on getting better. He never listens, he’s always up. Chopping wood, feeding horses, repairing travel-worn carriages. Between the scores that Dutch always assigns him to, he somehow manages to bring home dinner for the camp. It’s not always enough, but it keeps you and the gang going. You remember a time when you woke up before the rest of your little family. You were still in your undergarments, and working to restart the fire so you could make a large pot of coffee. That was when you heard the too familiar sound of dry heaving. Micah's nickname echoed in your head as you rushed to the source. Arthur was sitting on the log used to chop wood, the axe in his hand was forgotten and a half-chopped log was on its side in the grass. You weren’t good with people, quiet and reserved. Your flawed social skills became prominent when you saw your dear friend struggle with something as simple as breathing. You stood there and stared, slack-jawed. This man could survive on a can of beans for a whole day, you’ve seen him tear through drunken men with his bare knuckles.  A whole tank reduced to a man. You could practically see his black lungs struggle to bring oxygen to his body. With every heave, you could hear the fluid filling his chest. You had no words for the dying man, so you placed your hand on his back. You began with light circular motions, not wanting to take his concentration away from breathing. When he finally began to stabilize you increased pressure. Your stomach was filled with cement, your brows upturned. 

“I’m sorry.” He heaves, and your chest begins to hurt as well. He shouldn’t feel the need to hide his pain the way he does. He was always around to lend people a shoulder to cry on. 

“Take your time friend.” You respond. He draws in air through his nose, and exhales through his mouth. He’d finally caught his breath, you pulled your hand away as he began to stand.

“That was bad.” Stupid, but you had nothing else to say. 

“I’m ok, thank you.” He bends down to grab the axe and log. You grab his hand, he stops and looks at you.

“There’s no need Mr. Morgan, there's plenty of wood already.” You start to lead him, and like a poorly trained horse he hesitantly follows. You set him down on a nearby chair and he watches as you start the fire. You’ve done this many times before, being the early bird in the camp. You shove scraps of dead leaves and twigs in the center of the little tiipii and before you could even ask, Arthur holds his lighter out to you. You didn’t know how he managed to get his hands on such a nice one, gold with antler engravings, but you didn’t  ask as he didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk. Soon the fire was blazing, and coffee was brewed. You settled yourself beside him and handed him his own cup. He took it, his large hands looking out of place as he grips the small handle. You take a sip and look out to the forest. 

“Everythings just gone to shit.” Arthur is never really one to complain. Actually that’s a lie. You remember giggling many times when you’d catch him swearing under his breath over something stupid Sean did. Aw, Sean. You missed the poor bastard.

“You’re right.” You look him in the eye. He looked as if he’s aged ten years in the past two weeks. His once bright blue eyes faded, his mouth downturned into a heartbreaking frown. “But we have coffee, and this nice view.” You gesture to the woods around you both, and you thank God for his beautiful work. Even if his world is cruel, he sure knew how to landscape. Arthur doesn’t even chuckle, his mouth cemented into his frown. You take his hand and rub your thumb over his bruised knuckles. You have nothing else to say, and neither does he. He sips his coffee while the first sounds of life come from Dutch's tent. Well, let the day begin.

[kkcauseway]

Oh Baby P1

The life you've always wanted- Joel x F!reader

Chapter summary: You and Joel had been actively trying for a baby for a couple of months, you made the decision to finally take the leap and expand your family. You're happy and safe in Jackson surrounded by family, Ellie is thriving and so the only thing missing is a baby. Chapter warnings/content: Tw-morning sickness, talks of previous illnesses. Fluff, Joel being ADORABLE and happy and just ugh (Actually bad how much I love this man I swear.) No use of Y/N. Wordcount: 3.8K A/N: hope you enjoy! This is my favourite series that I’ve ever written. So I hope you love it as much as I’ve loved writing it!!

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You and Joel have been actively trying for a baby for a couple of months, deciding to finally take the leap and expand your family. You’ve lived in Jackson for three years. Maria first brought you here after finding you injured so you could be nursed back to health. Offering you a place to stay once you recovered. Since then you’ve always stuck with her and Tommy and the three of you became very close after a short space of time. That’s how you met Joel, after he and Ellie too finally settled in Jackson. Firstly watching from a distance as he began repairing his relationship with his brother, finding it much harder to get Maria to warm to him, but it happened eventually. Then you two were introduced, and the rest is history. You and Joel have now been together ‘officially’, for just over a year, but have known each other for over two. You fell in love incredibly fast and the idea of a baby, whilst Joel’s petrified, he’s also quite excited.

🩷🤍🩷

It's a sunny morning and you wake early, head resting on Joel’s naked chest, exactly how you'd fallen asleep after he kissed your forehead a final time to say goodnight; your legs intertwined, his arm wrapped around you, hand resting steady on your hip. You lie there for a couple of minutes, your head slightly raising with each rise of Joel’s chest, listening in tune to his heartbeat. You nuzzle into his chest hair, forever grateful for how warm he is, when you suddenly put a hand to your stomach. Something feels different? this morning. Whilst you’re stuck on this thought, your stomach contents suddenly begin to churn, and it doesn’t take long for you to realise it’s not going to settle down. You shoot out of bed, not caring that you’re naked, shoving Joel off you and run into the bathroom. Planting your knees to the floor, as you heave into the toilet bowl. The abrupt getting out of bed, causes Joel to jolt awake; confused. And when he finally fully wakes, enough to take in his surroundings, he can hear you in the bathroom.

Whilst you continue to retch over the toilet seat, emptying your body of the contents of the night before, you can hear Joel shuffling on his bare feet, making his way towards you. He kneels next to you and brings a hand to your back, stroking it in circles. “S’going on baby?”

After a couple of seconds you’re finally able to take a breath and can rest your head on one of your arms that’s hugging the toilet bowl you moan “I don’t know, woke up feeling weird and now this, man I really hope it’s not the fever Ellie had. Ugh.” You lift your head to rub at your temples.

Two weeks ago, Ellie had come down with some kind of flu, nobody had any idea where it had come from, but she was bed ridden for the first five days. And has only began feeling completely better about three days ago. You stayed with her the most, opting out of patrolling to be there to help her in any way she needed; holding her hair back as she hurled, talking to her, helping her calm down after her crazy, vivid dreams, and keeping her as hydrated as possible, she wouldn’t eat until day 4, but you sure as hell made sure she drank. You wondered if you would catch it, along with everyone else, especially Joel. Joel was petrified of you catching it too, but you had been fine up until now. This mornings shenanigans being the first sign of any symptoms.

Joel reaches his hand round to your forehead and holds it there. “You don’t feel like you have a fever baby, you might be slightly warm, but nothing like what Ellie was. Maybe it’s just an upset stomach?” He sits there watching you a second, stroking at your back again, hating seeing you so weak and fragile “Cmon baby, let’s get you back in bed, ready to get back up?”

Just as Joel goes to stand, your breathing speeds up and another wave of nausea hit you. He bunches your hair and holds it back out of your face.

“That’s it, let it all out” Joel begins rubbing circles on your back again. You let out a painful moan, he hates seeing you like this and he knows how much you hate feeling like this. “Better out than in baby”. He utters reassuringly. It takes time but Joel’s there for you throughout.

You thought it was over, but then again you're retching, only now, your body has nothing left to give, the dry retching scratching your throat agonisingly so. Your eyes won’t stop watering, so you try your best to steady your breathing.

“Ugh, I hate being sick” you whine.

“I know baby girl, I know, m’sorry” Joel gets up and grabs a cloth and a glass of water, bringing the cloth to your lips. You take it from him and sit back on your heels, panting as you wipe your mouth. He then offers you the glass, you down the lot.

“Good girl” he praises taking the empty glass from you. “Come on, let’s get you back into bed before y’start to freeze.” Joel helps you to stand, you cuddle into his warm chest as he quickly leans round you to flush the toilet, before carefully helping to guide you back to the bedroom.

"I'm sorry" you mumble as you climb into bed.

"You ain’t got nothing to be sorry for, don't be silly." Joel tucks you back into the bed covers.

"I bet I look a right mess, didn't even get my fuckin' robe." You sigh, embarrassed. He carefully sits on the edge of the bed next to you then.

"No baby, none of that talk.” He strokes your cheek and you lean into his touch. A subconscious movement. So comfortable, so known. Natural. “Y’know you're still super sexy to me regardless, and that I’ll always help you no matter what it is. Now you get some rest, I’ll find Maria, tell her you can’t help her out at the farm today, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“N- no babe, just give me a few minutes to sort myself out, catch my breath properly, I’m sure I’ll be okay to work. I need to work. Babe I promised, I can’t let people down they need me”. You whine, tears threatening release.

“I know you hate letting people down, but this is necessary baby. You’ll be no help t’anyone when you’re like this. Maria’ll understand, plus it wasn’t a choice, you’re gonna stay in bed, you really aren’t well at all.”

“Okay” you mumble quietly before sighing, you know he’s right of course, you can feel just how bad you are. “Thank you Cowboy.” You squish further into the mattress then.

“Now I’m scheduled on a patrol with Tommy today, back tonight, you gonna be okay alone, or do I need to try find someone to replace me? If you need me here baby just say, y’know I’ll happily stay. Much rather be with my girl.”

“I’ll be fine, like you say probably just an upset stomach; I’m just gonna sleep it off if I’m 'not allowed to work'.” You try to look at him with a cheeky grin, but the sickness is still so evident on your face. Pale skin, dark bags under your eyes.

“Yeah” he sighs. “You're staying home today baby, rest up” he urges kissing your forehead as he strokes your cheek once more.

Joel leaves the house after you practically beg him to leave. He’s so overly concerned for you it made it painful to see him go. Yet all he would do is stress, the patrol will be a good distraction and it means you can just sleep. You love that he cares for you so deeply. Encasing yourself in the sheets, lying on Joel’s pillow to be surrounded by his smell it doesn’t take long for sleep to overcome you. About an hour or so later, you wake to a knock at the front door, you tie your robe round you and make your way to the front door. Noticing you feel much better now, sickness seemingly subsided completely. Hallelujah!

Opening the door Maria’s stood staring at you, her, and Tommy’s two year old son Ted pressed to her hip, sleeping with his head squished into her shoulder, his teddy turtle gripped by his small palm. Worry is written all over Maria's expression. So you’re quick to move out of the way of the door, allowing her entry. Nobody has said anything yet but once the door is shut she breaks the silence.

“Joel says you’re sick, what’s wrong?”

“To be honest I feel much better now, I’m not sure what came over me this morning, must have just been an stomach upset. Maybe something I ate last night? I threw up a couple of times, but I feel fine now, I’m just really stupidly tired.”

“Well, when Joel told me you woke up throwing up and couldn’t work today, I though it must’ve been Ellie's fever. Yet there was another thought in the back of my mind, and I think your symptoms have just confirmed that.”

You look to her puzzled, “confirmed what? Maria what are you talking about?” She just stares at you, as if she wants you to work it out alone. What other thought? Of course she leaves you to think and it suddenly hits you, your period is late, in fact you’ve missed two months now. The first missed month you presumed was because you were stressed due to Ellie’s illness. But two in a row. It must be. Surely? How had this not already crossed your mind?

“Oh my God, Maria! I think I’m pregnant!”

“My thoughts exactly!” she replies smiling. And then she holds out her hand giving you a box; a two pack of twenty-year-old or so pregnancy tests.

“How?”

“I have a mind for these things, you should know that by now. And it’s hardly a secret that you’ve been trying. I’m actually surprised neither you or Joel had that thought cross your mind!”

You laugh. “I think we just didn’t expect it would happen, I dunno, but holy shit, Maria I might be pregnant!”

You both race to the bathroom, Maria waiting outside of the closed door, whilst you do what needs to be done to the tests. With the flush you open the bathroom door, so Maria can enter. It only takes about 30 seconds for the bright red double lines to appear on the first test, you then look to the second, once again seeing the same result.

Squealing you hug Maria, tears in your eyes. “Oh my God, it’s finally happening! Maria, I’m gonna be a Mama! Oh, I can’t believe it!”

“Oh, I’m so happy for you two!”

The noise and the force of the hug causes little Ted to stir and he lets out a quiet whimper. 

"Sorry Teddy Bear, didn't mean to wake you" you whisper.

Maria then begins stroking his head "Shhhh... Go back to sleep baby it's okay."

And just like that he’s back asleep.

“I can’t believe it Maria, and I can’t wait to tell Joel, he’s gonna be so happy, we’ve both wanted this for so long.” Tears well in your eyes once more.

“You’re gonna have a little baby you!” She exclaims.

“Eeekk! (The scream much quieter than you want it to be, but you don't want to disturb Ted anymore than you already have) "You know what, why don’t you, Tommy and Ted come for dinner tonight, I’ll cook, and can tell everyone. We need to celebrate!”

“That sounds absolutely perfect! We’ve needed some happy news like this round here for a while!” She exclaims.

🩷🤍🩷

When Joel returns home from patrol that evening, you, and Ellie are in the kitchen, Ellie’s sketching at the table, whilst you stir the pasta sauce you’re making.

“Mmm something smells gooood” Joel moans, as he traipses up behind you hugging you. He places delicate kisses at your neck. 

“Hi baby.” You let go of the spoon and turn in Joel’s arms to face him, taking his face in hand and kissing his lips.

“Ughh, gross, do you two have to do that here”. Ellie pretends to gag.

You both turn to look at her.

“Sorry Ellie, but it’s not a crime for a man to miss his girl, thought you’d be used to it by now”. He laughs.

His girl, GOD, you love it when he calls you that.

“It might not be illegal, but it should be yuck, and no I will never get used to it!”

You both laugh in response.

“And if it’s any consolation” Joel releases you and begins walking over to Ellie hugging her from behind, his arms around her shoulders “I missed you too” he gives her playful kisses all over her face -that he knows she hates.  You laugh watching the moment unfold. Ellie squirms from the interaction. “Ewwww gross, get off meee!” she squeaks. Joel eventually backs away laughing as he does. She playfully scowls at him. 

You’re already laughing and it doesn’t take long for Ellie and Joel to join you. Man you love your little family, and the thought of it growing even more makes your heart feel as though it could explode.

Joel turns back to look at you then, noticing the colour’s returned to your cheeks. "Feelin’ better now I take it?"

"Mmm, loads better thank you, I invited Tommy and Maria over for dinner. They’ll be here soon, should be a nice evening" you smile.

”Sounds lovely” Joel agrees. He has no idea.

Turning back to the pot, you suggest Joel and Ellie go and sit in the living room, it won’t be long till Tommy and Maria arrive and you need to make sure everything’s prepped for dinner. They’re too distracting with their teasing ways so you kick them out of the kitchen, they can piss each other off elsewhere. Tonight has to be perfect! You try thinking of the best way to break the news. Devising how, when, where.

🩷

Tommy and Maria soon arrive with little Ted, who’s freshly awake from a nap. He energetically runs straight to his Uncle, who picks him up embracing him. “Hey little man!” “Hi Jo!” You laugh at his pronunciation of Joel's name. You watch the way Joel is with that little boy, it as per usual causes your heart to flutter. And now he’s going to be a dad again; he’s going to do the most amazing job. You secretively place a hand to your stomach stroking slightly. Still flat but so full of happiness, hope.

When dinner is finally plated and served you all sit round the dinner table, Ted playing in the living room with his already full belly, Joel offers to open the bottle of white wine in the centre of the table. All part of your plan. Pouring Maria’s, Tommy’s, his own, and then when he goes to pour for you, (best for last, as he always says) you stop him. “Not for me tonight, thank you.”

Tommy, Ellie, and Joel all look to you shocked; you never say no to a glass of wine.

“No wine? Jeez what’s wrong” Tommy jokingly questions you with a laugh.

Maria elbows him.

“Ouch!”

“What, haven’t you heard?" You quiz their perplexed faces.

All three of them look at you puzzled. You turn to Maria:

"Oh my, my, Maria, I thought it was common knowledge, but obviously not."

Maria laughs in response. Not one hundred percent sure on your plan, but aware of what the outcome is going to be so she plays along.

"Well everyone knows, or well I THOUGHT everyone did, that it’s bad to drink if you’re expecting” you smile.

“Expecting what?” Ellie quickly speaks up. Oblivious.

Joel stands still in his spot, staring at you. “Wha- you mean?”

“Yeah!” You exclaim.

He shoves the bottle of wine onto the table and pulls you out of your chair and into his embrace. Crying and laughing, he grips onto you with so much love. Full of desperation to have you even closer. He kisses you over and over on the lips, before finally pushing you, arms-length away from him, so he can carefully caress your still flat stomach.

Finally, on watching Joel’s actions it computes in Ellies head, “Holyyyy shit!” She stands from her seat. “So, I’m finally gonna be a big sister woAHHHH.”

Joel embraces you once more and turns to Ellie. “Seems that you are kiddo.”

“Congrats!” Ellie walks closer to you, inviting you both into a hug, before getting down on her knees in front of you. She brings her lips right onto your stomach; “Hi baby, about time you came along” she whispers. You laugh wetly at her response.

When you had first started trying for a baby, you'd asked Ellie how she felt about it, because the last thing you wanted was for her to feel pushed aside or replaced. She was elated with the idea, and was just as nervous as you and Joel were for it to happen. So it’s a massive relief for all three of you, that it's a dream, finally being made into a reality.

You stroke a hand into Ellie's hair and smile as you take in the moment. Home, the most wonderful place to be, you don’t think you could be happier than you are right this second. In the arms of the man you love, being embraced by Ellie too as you have Joel's baby, no yours and his baby inside of you. YOUR BABY! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!

Ellie finally stands back up, “I’m starving” she groans, walking back over to the table with the goal of wolfing down her food, you and Joel too make your way back over to your seats.

“Congrats to you both!” Tommy shouts across the table.

“Thankyou!” you say in unison.

“Knew it must’ve been something drastic for you be saying no to wine” he cheekily utters.

“Tommy Miller, you cheeky bastard!” You exclaim shaking your head as you laugh.

“Hehe nah I’m only playin, I’m happy for y’all. About time my big brother had some added responsibilities!” He grins.

“Tommy!” Maria scolds at the same time as Joel playfully kicks his shin under the table, causing him to jolt and knee the table.

He turns to look at his brother “I’m only playin’ you know I’m happy for you! You took the piss outa me all the time when we were having Ted even after he was born.” He rubs his knee “You’d done the dad thing before I hadn’t, and you always used that to your advantage. So I think it’s about time I get my own back!”

Joel looks to you shocked.

You sit up straighter in your seat “don’t look at me Miller!” You hold your hands up in surrender “you know exactly what you were doin’ to him!”

He shakes his head “Forever a grudge holder huh baby brother?” He questions playfully focusing back on his brother’s gaze. “Even turnin’ my girl against me?”

He shrugs with a cheeky smile still caked on his face “I am genuinely happy for you both I do mean that. From the bottom of my heart. Plus Ted’s gonna love having a little friend and I for one am not ashamed to admit that I miss the newborn stage! So Uncle Tommy is very much looking forward to newborn snuggles! But to answer your question yes, I’m gonna love every second of watching you sweat over the next 9 months”

You smile at that. Tommy’s cute, but him and his brother are forever in competition, they love each other dearly but love pissing each other off more. This is your family. Your dysfunctional PERFECT family. With the news out, hearts aflutter, emotions high you all begin to eat your meals, chatting any old nonsense. Once the meal is over and the dishes are clean. You offer Tommy and Maria a nightcap. You all sit chatting away, them three on the three seater, Ellie on her stomach on the floor, face hidden within the confines of her sketchbook adding to the conversation every so often , and you’re snuggled on the armchair. Maria, Tommy, and Joel all have a whiskey, whilst you’re stuck with herbal tea. Not that you’d change the reason for that that for the world. Ted is napping upstairs, Joel having worn him out but it’s not long until you hear him stir.

Maria goes to stand, as you move too “I can go?”. You ask her.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah course, best start getting some more practice in anyways, plus, me and Teddy are besties, and I haven’t had a cuddle in AGES!” You moan.

“Baby, he was literally cuddled up to you and fell asleep on you, what like not even an hour ago?” Joel replies laughing.

“Exactly Cowboy, that’s tooooo long without a Teddy cuddle, and seriously they’re the best when he’s still sleepy.”

“Amen. They really are!” Tommy butts in.

“I’ll be back” you wink.

You climb the stairs and walk into yours and Joel’s bedroom where Tommy has set up the travel cot.

“Mama?” he asks sleepily rubbing his eyes.

“Hi Teddy, no not Mama it’s T” you whisper (Ted can’t say aunty, when he tried it came out as T, and well it stuck)

“T!” he almost screams in excitement. His voice laced in sleep. 

“Hi! My bestest boy, you wana come down and see Mama and Daddy?”

“Yeh” he rubs his eyes again and then lifts his arms up for you to grab him.

You lift him with a groan. He’s wearing blue, star pattern footie pyjamas. Once in your arms, he settles quickly into your side, before abruptly raising his head again.

"Oh, Where Tudle!"

"Here, I'll get him for you" You reach into the travel cot and grab his teddy turtle. You give it to him and he smiles as he holds it in both his hands and stretches his arms up "Yay Tudle!"

"You really love turtle don't you Teddy Bear?"

"Yah!" After he and turtle have had their moment, he places it into his one hand and puts the thumb of his other into his mouth. Cuddling once again into your side. He’s always so warm and cuddly. You walk back out of the room and make your way back downstairs.

“There he is!” Tommy shouts.

Ted rather than removing his thumb from his mouth, shouts a muffled but clear enough “Daddy!”

You walk over to Tommy, and he takes Ted off you, sitting him in his lap. You then make your way back over to the armchair.

“Did you have a good sleep bud?” Tommy asks.

“Yeh! An tudle” he holds his turtle up into his dads face.

His mispronunciation of turtle forever making everyone laugh.

“Turtle did too huh?”

“Yeh! An now no sleep.”

“No, you’re awake now bud, you can stay awake till we go home, okay?”

“Kay!”

Tommy then passes Ted to Maria, planting a kiss to the top of his head.

“Hi Mama”

“Hey! You look very sleepy, baby Teddy.” She says wiping the underneath of his eyes. 

“I no sleepy, I awake.”

“Yeah you’re awake now…” she kisses into his hair before adding “Hey Baby, did you say hi to Uncle Joel?” Maria asks pointing to him.

He looks to Joel, “Hi!” big grin on his face.

He really is the sweetest little boy; you can’t help but smile at him and the way Joel acts with him.

“Why hello little man, I heard you and turtle slept real good in our room!” he smiles back at Ted.

“Tudle say fanks”. He holds his turtle up again.

“Well turtle is very welcome, and you tell him he can sleep over any day he wants”.

“Yay!” at this, Ted shimmies out of his mothers grip and runs the short length over to Joel, hugging his legs. Ever since the kid learnt to walk you swear, he’s got faster and faster. Joel grabs him to sit onto his lap and pulls him into a tight embrace. His entire body covering Joel’s chest he lies there comfortably putting his thumb back into his mouth. You don’t know why, but it’s as if your emotions are now on overdrive, pregnancy hormones don’t kick in this early, do they? Well, whether they do or not, you’re crying. They’re happy tears, but you’re crying. You sniffle, slightly louder than you mean to, and everyone’s gaze turns to you, including Ted’s.

Joel quickly takes Ted off his lap and places him on the sofa next to him. He shoots up “Baby what’s wrong?”

“Joel I’m okay I promise” you laugh “It was just a cute moment, and I couldn’t stop the tears, they’re happy tears. Pinky promise”.

"Oh pregnancy hormones, I remember them well" Maria butts in.

“Jesus” he gasps “You had me worried for a second”.

“Well, you know me Miller, like to keep you on your toes” you reply laughing again, but still crying.

The next thing you know, you hear the soft taps of tiny feet padding towards you and then feel a soft pulling on the blanket you have draped over you. “Jo help”, you laugh at the tiny voice, and Joel bends down to scoop Ted up, placing him on your lap.

“T why cwying?”

He cuddles into you.

“I’m okay Teddy baby, I’m just very happy”. You wipe away your remaining tears.

“Happy yay! tudle happy too.” He holds his turtle up once again. You swear he’s the happiest little boy.

“Yeah, I’m happy Teddy bear and I’m very glad to hear turtle is too.”

Ted then persists to ask everyone else in the room if they’re happy. Once it’s concluded that everyone’s happy, especially because Ted is here. (Which he felt very proud in knowing.) You have something very special to tell him.

“Hey, Teddy bear?”

He turns his gaze back to you.

“We have something to tell you”. He looks to Joel, who’s crouched down the side of the armchair, nodding, then back to you.

“It’s very special kiddo!” Joel adds.

Ted nods in response.

“So, Teddy bear, you remember how I told you that before you were born, you were in Mama’s tummy?”

“Yah” he nods turning to look at Maria and points at her. “There” he then looks back at you.

“Yeah, good remembering Baby!” Maria praises him from across the room.

“Well, now there's one in here!” you point to your own tummy.

“A BABY?!”

“Yeah, Teddy bear in T’s tummy” Joel adds.

He grabs you t-shirt and pulls it up, so a bit of your tummy shows “In there?”

“Yeah, in there, good job bud!” Tommy pipes up.

“Ooooo!”

You all laugh for a moment before Ellie pipes up. Coming to kneel next to where Ted’s sitting.

“Hey Ted, you know how I look after you, cus I’m bigger and we play lots and lots of games?”

“Yah!”

“Well, when this baby comes, you will be lots bigger, so you will have to help me to look after them”

“I help, pwomise.”

“Good, high five!”

They high five. And you laugh again, you never thought there would be a point in your life where you would be this happy. Especially with the added ‘end of the world’ element.

“El can draw?”

“You wana draw? Sure, bud come on”, she helps him off the chair and he runs over to her space on the floor. Sitting on the floor crossing his legs.

When Ellie and Ted are out of your space, you take a second to take in your surroundings. Ellie is thriving in Jackson life and dotes just as much as everyone else on precious Ted; She’s going to be the best big sister. Tommy and Maria are cuddled on the sofa laughing. They really are the best people so besotted with one another. And then there’s Joel, the love of your life, the father of your child. You turn to him and find he’s watching you. You look back into his eyes and you both smile. He lifts an arm and rests the palm of his hand on your stomach. You look down as you place your hand atop his, but then lift your gaze back to his eyes. He's smiling so wide. "I love you", he utters softly. "I love you too Cowboy".

Life is good, and it's about to get so much better.

Next I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist

[jweekgoji]

Hi <3 are you taking requests? If so, could i request some headcanon/senarios of yandere!five x yandere!reader? I love the manipulative reader series you did and imagine this version to be alittle similar with a dynamic sorta similar to joe and love from the netflix show 'you'.

When five first meets reader she comes across nieve but sweet and he falls for her innocence and kindness towards him. Shes always looking out for him and supporting him and he cant help but wanna protect her. Hes so preoccupied with spending time with her, scaring off any looks from other men and taking advantage of her kindness that he doesnt relise that the waitress at the cafe they went to together last weekend who had written her number on the inside of the napkin she gave to five when giving him and you your coffee has mysteriously gone missing..

He wonders if your just too innocent to really understand what hes saying when he vaguely admits hes done terrible things and you respond with a flippant 'me too' with a smile, little does he know you understand completely.

so i had some researchers about those two from 'you' series and now I'm interested in it!! anon, thank you ~

Five couldn't take his eyes off you.

For someone who is so good at controlling his emotions, he seems to have forgotten how he should behave in such situations.

Something about your pretty figure made him truly have an interest in you, forget about his job, about the obligation to be the hero in this story and spend another sleepless nights trying to save everyone.

And he definitely doesn't need to keep staring at you like that. Come on Number Five, you've got a lot to do and you're a very busy man, just turn away and start doing your work— Oh, fuck, now you noticed.

Five's heart beats faster when he sees your gaze directed right at him and his first reaction was to quickly look away and pretend that he was looking at the clock or just zoning out, while you, by a lucky chance, were just in front of him.

'Just a coincidence' , he justifies himself.

He grumbles, muttering something under his breath, until he finally turns away, trying to fully concentrate on his business and try to ignore that cute picture of your face in his head, your pleasant voice when you ask him to help you with something so simple, light touches on his shoulder when...

The sound of clicking pen is so loud that it's probably already getting on the nerves of his colleagues nearby, but he didn't care what they thought, when all he could think now was you.

You stand so close next to your work colleague that your hands can barely touch their body. You look happy, and Five genuinely enjoys the fact that you can stay in a good mood in any situation. That's why he works so hard for you. One of his main points is to keep watching the people he love are safe.

But could you step back for a couple of meters, please? The second, more jealous side of him is louder in his head and telling him not just to watch, but these are just simple work conversations during a break, right?

Five believes you, he is ready to trust you completely, but the people around you are not reliable and after all those years of his long, eventful life, he knows that every potential person that you meet can actually harm you.

Therefore, as your hero, he is obliged to intervene and protect you, the love of his heart, like a beautiful and not quite young prince, from a big and terrible villain.

You hear a noise behind you and a bright short flash of blue appears for a moment, which makes you smile slightly, already knowing what will happen.

You're holding a cup of coffee and you make an confused, surprised face as you turn around to look at Five, then give him your usual bright smile.

The person with who you just had conversation seems to be just as confused, but now for real, when they see Number Five in front of them, still as gloomy as usual.

Five comes closer to you, his hand resting on your interlocutor's shoulder and squeezing suspiciously tight, with a forced smile on his face that made the other person swallow nervously.

“Sorry friend, I hope you don’t mind if I steal them for a while?” 5 says, smugly grinning.

“Actually, we are—” the person starts, before Five interrupts them.

“Great,” he answers casually, focusing his attention at you instead, smile drops immediately as soon as he turns away from them.

Five is not even trying to listen to what they wanted to say, he quickly grabs your hand and blinks away, not bothered by what others will thought about this scene. Old man had enough of sharing you with everyone else today, now it's his time to be with you.

You almost stumble after this unexpected act of jealousy from Number Five, and his hand holds yours tighter, preventing you from falling.

A soft sighs comes from you when you notice that man's arms were held protectively around your waist.

“Please, warn me when you try something like that next time,” you lean closer to Five, trying to calm him down.

“I will,” he rolls his eyes. “If only you will promise me not to be all day around those idiots.”

You laugh at his words, appreciating his overprotective behavior towards you and only nod at him, which causes a soft satisfied purr from Five.

“Okay, okay,” you try to reassure him and give him a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “ The same goes for you.”

Five just closes his eyes, resting his forehead against yours, enjoying the time he can spend with you and only you alone. He didn't think twice before giving his answer, just quietly mutters : “Deal”.

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You love this old man so much, but sometimes you wonder if he does it on purpose?

Does he have to smile like that at every waitress in the cafe?

Should he call every woman he meets as 'dear?'

Does he have to stare at every woman named Delores? I thought you two go through this line a long time ago.

This might be just his politeness or the ghosts of his past, but it makes you clench your teeth in anger, every time you sit on your goddamn place trying to pick an order in this stupid shit hole.

You bite the inside of your cheek as you try to ignore the conversation around you, concentrating, or at least trying to focus your attention on the clock, counting seconds before your order arrives.

“How much longer do we have to wait?” you ask impatiently.

“Are you in a hurry, hun?” Five turns his gaze to you and smiles slightly.

You smile back at him and shake your head, resting your cheek on your hand as you look at him.

“I'm just so tired...” you say sweetly, sighing, to make your words more sounds like truth. “Can't we just take our order and go home instead?”

Five is silent for a moment, as if trying to see whether your words are true. But after a few seconds, he leans closer to you and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“If you really tired then let's go home.” he gets up from his seat to come and pick up your order.

You just nod and silently follow his every action with your eyes, watching from afar. You wanted to find any reason to leave as soon as possible, trying to exclude any attempts by that annoying waitress who is trying to get close to your lover.

And it was so fucking difficult to control yourself from grabbing that terribly hot coffee from her hands and just splashing it all over her face when you notice those obvious attempts to flirt with your Number Five.

You blink once, then again, interrupting your disturbing thoughts. No, you shouldn't have to think like that, you convince yourself. What will Five think if he saw you like this?

Your slight smile slowly fades from your face and you look rather bored, tilting your head slightly, deciding not to disturb this sweet conversation between the two.

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You were glad to be able to spend a good night next to your lover. Every moment of peace and quiet with Five was very dear to you, especially if it meant that somehow you were able to put this poor guy to sleep.

His hands always holding tightly onto your body, as if afraid to let go and at one moment wake up without seeing you next to him. You were dozing, head pressed against Five's chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. You was so close to fall asleep again until you felt his hand slowly rubbing circles on your back as if trying to calm his nerves.

Slowly lifting your head up, you look at him with half-open eyes, silently asking what made him so worried in the middle of the night. This was not new to you, it's easy to predict that he might have possible problems with his sleep, knowing how lonely and abandoned most of Five's life was.

“I didn't mean to wake you up,” he mumbles softly, trying to avoid talking to you. “Just go back to sleep, don't worry about me”.

You pout playfully at his words, wrapping your arms around his waist and closing your eyes, “Five,” you whisper. “You don’t have to hide everything from me. Please, tell me what's on your mind and it will get better, I promise”.

Five sighs tiredly and it makes you sure that he will try to open up to you tonight. You never forced it on him, expecting that eventually, someday, he would feel comfortable enough to share with you the things that catches his mind. Your attention was focused on what he might said while your eyes were still resting from a hard, long day.

“Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you after all the shit I've done,” he curses, frowning slightly. “I'm not sure you even understand me.”

“Many people have done bad things in their entire lives, besides, you had no other chance, Five,” you suddenly say, looking perfectly calm. “And me too, actually. We should just move on from that”.

Five pauses for a moment, his eyes concentrated on your relaxed figure next to him, enjoying the warmth between your bodies. It seems like you didn't really think about what you were saying because of how sleepy you were, Five thinks, so he don't have any idea about the significance of your words, deciding that you, as always, were just trying to support him.

Did you feel bad for what you did? Maybe, after all, you were the same living person, you tend to feel at least a drop of compassion. But right now, you don't care. The only thing that matters right now is to be with the person you care about. It seems that tomorrow morning you should remind Number Five not to go to your favorite cafe tomorrow.

“Yeah, of course,” he says, totally not taking your words seriously as he pulls you closer towards himself, finally closing his eyes and trying to rest, ending this conversation. “ Now let's get some sleep, love”.

[sawyerslvt]

Two Sides To The Devil - Johnny Slaughter (Episode 2)

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Completed series :)  Summary: Johnny Slaughter kidnaps you and you wake up in his basement. You negotiate your way out of death by offering to lure in male victims with your beauty. Johnny entertains your desperate offer. He ends up having to protect you and slowly starts to fall in love with his victim, and so do you.  Word count: 2,825 Warnings: MDNI, non-consensual touching, explicit descriptions of violence, blood

You walk into the bar. Johnny makes a bee line for the seat in the furthest stool to the right while you stay by the entrance scanning the room. The thought of one of the people spending their last moments in this bar was surreal to think about. And the guilt was starting to take over. You try brushing the thoughts away, as your own life was at stake. 

You make your way to the bar and sit on one of the stools closer to the left. Far away from Johnny, but close enough so that he could hear everything being said while being able to keep a real close eye in case you try escaping. To your surprise he already seemed busy with a woman. You look over to him and catch yourself staring, so did he. While the woman looked away for a second he winked at you, making sure you knew he caught you. 

A wave of jealousy hits you and you feel confused and quite frankly, disgusted by the insinuation that your brain had suggested. She laughs at something Johnny says and playfully hits his shoulder. You see him hunched over the bar playing with the rim of his glass while smirking and entertaining the woman's giggles. He makes sure to avoid eye contact with you but he knows youre watching him.

He places his hand lazily around her waist and listens to her while she talks. She seemed quite talkative and he wasn't really listening but he made sure to pay attention to her with physical touch, stroking her waist and sides. Eventually he went lower until his hand was resting on her thigh, he gave her that same gentle squeeze he gave you earlier.

It was clear that you were nothing special to him. This wasn't you winning at his game, it was all a part of his plan. He liked the hunt. He liked toying with you and giving you a false sensation of power. And when you feel like you have him exactly where you want him, when you feel the most powerful, he’ll reclaim and strip the power away from you, making sure you knew he was in control the whole time. Whether it be psychological or physical, he’ll best you in either.

You continue watching him for a while longer until your staring gets interrupted. “Alright lady, will you order anything?” the bartender is cleaning a glass with a cloth, you've been sitting here for a while gawking at some guy, he was not letting you use up a stool without you ordering. “Yes, she will have a… what would you like, peach?” a man in his late twenties, maybe early 30s looks over to you with a warm smile. You hadn't noticed but he was sitting right beside you the whole time. “uhh.. ill take whatever, really. But I guess maybe a tequila sunrise”. You tried directing your attention back at the man beside you, rather than Johnny's hands on that woman.

He gives a nod to the bartender, confirming your order. He already had his drink in front of him. He turned his body to face you, resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. You knew what this was, you didn't even look in his direction but here he was throwing himself at you, men were too easy. “So what is a pretty girl like you doing at a bar alone?” he looks slightly up to meet your gaze. “i felt i needed some time alone, i need distractin’”. Your body is facing forward, you turn your head to meet the man looking up at you, but instead, your gaze falls straight over and past him and you're met with Johnny smirking slyly towards you, waiting to see your next move. He has a shit eating grin on his face seeing how uninterested you seemed in the man. You read his facial expression and sense he’s feeling pride. He's feeling proud over having scared you into not flirting with other men, because god forbid… if they touch you…

You start to feel sick of it. I mean sure you weren't even interested in the man to begin with but over your dead body, that Johnny would think that he's the cause of it. You decide to play along with his game again. Slowly but sensually you turn to face the man and you meet his gaze as close as you could get. “I think a man like you could distract me from my problems just fine”. You give his lips a glance and you see him choke on his nervosity, you can see the mental pep talks he's giving himself to keep his cool around you. Just as he calms down you pull away and conveniently your tequila sunrise greeted you on the bar. 

Still facing him and poking your chest out a little, you take a sip from your drink without breaking eye contact. You take a quick glance back at Johnny and it looks like smoke was about to come out of his ears and nose, he was furious and you lived for it. The woman is now practically in his lap, trying desperately to get him to touch her again. He reluctantly put his hands back on her body, but this time his focus is entirely you. 

“What's your name honey?” you stay confident. “James, and yours?” he started becoming progressively more confident, now knowing the type he’s dealing with. “Mikaela” you say somewhat dryly. “Well Mikaela, may I kiss you?” he asked cautiously, but somehow cocky at the same time. You knew Johnny would probably kill you, but at this point, you didn't care. 

You grabbed the man's collar and pulled him close to you, biting your lips, until you connected with the man's wet mouth. You kept kissing him and he happily returned the kiss. But you were lost in thought of what Johnny might do to you. You reluctantly open your eyes and see him grab the woman's face and forcibly bring it to his mouth. His tongue meeting hers and dancing along in a synchronized rhythm. Neither of you break eye contact and for the moment you are passionately kissing your respective victims while keeping intimate eye contact with each other. You see the hunger in his eyes wishing the woman holding onto his big shoulders was you. He sees the hunger in your eyes wishing the man pulling her waist close was him. 

The kiss gets increasingly passionate. Johnny, at one point gives you that smirk that you’ve slowly started to grow, oh, so fond of. You smile back and for a second forgot… he wasn't the man kissing you. With the upscaling intensity you felt a hand grab your ass. You flinch as you somehow didn't expect anything more than kissing. Well, you didn't even expect touching but here your stubborn self was. As this was more than you signed up for, you pulled away and tried grabbing the attention of the man kissing you, breaking Johnny's eye contact. He met your confused and disapproving gaze with a sly smirk and thirst for more and you kept pulling away to make your point crystal clear. 

He doesn't get the hint… or he does, but he disrespects your wishes to finish and pulls you back in. This time he uses more force. “don't do this to me baby, give me what you just gave me” he whispers breathlessly in your ear. “please get off me” you heart racing, you didn't want him hurting you more than he already was. “you were acting like a whore a moment ago, you need distractin’, remember?”. He quickly stood up from his chair, making it fall behind him, now grasping your upper arm hard and directing you to the bar bathroom. 

For the second time during these cursed 24 hours, you feel scared for your life, or at the very least scared for your innocence. As a last attempt for a savior you look over to the man responsible for all of it, Johnny. To your surprise he was already rushing your direction with a clenched jaw and fist. This was the most furious you had seen him all night. 

It all went so fast. One second your arm was bruising from the hold the man had you in, the next second Johnny lifted his fist and for a split second you thought it was headed your way, until you felt the hand’s tight grip of your arm weaken and suddenly, it was fully released. You had shut your eyes and held your head and ears with your arms to protect you from an incoming attack. Instead, you hesitantly open your eyes to see the man on the floor and Johnny towering over him. His fist connecting with his nose and blood was slowly covering the bar floor. The bartender, continuing the cleaning of his glasses, gives the one he’s holding a quick blow. “listen buddy, take your business elsewhere, you're scaring my customers”. 

Without hesitation he drags the man outside the bar. You follow Johnny like a dog with his tail between his legs, almost ashamed. The woman was left shocked to her core, little does she know, she dodged a bullet not pursuing Johnny. Once you exit the bar you see him continuously spraying punches to the man’s head who is most likely fully blacked out by that point. You had no other place than to stand and watch. A part of you is thankful that out of all the guys in the bar, you managed to pick the worst one and that he’ll get the honor of meeting his maker. It's a win-win situation, one less perv on this earth, and you get to go to sleep guilt free. 

You look up at the sky and think back to when you were in the car, when the sun was still setting. You were right. The stars do look beautiful on a cloud free night such as this. More beautiful than they have ever looked. You keep your head facing the sky and close your eyes. The sounds of heavy fists hitting the man's skull, Johnny's heavy breathing, cussing and gurgling of the man's last moments were suddenly muffled as you closed your eyes, tears now streaming down your face. You feel the cool breeze of the night target your wet face and a chill travels up your spine. You don't move, you take this moment and enjoy it to the fullest. You don't know how much of your life is left, what else life has to offer other than pain and suffering. You take deep breaths, feeling the fresh oxygen filling your lungs as you inhale, and all worries release as you exhale. 

You slowly open your eyes, tears still flowing uncontrollably, your head still leaned back. Defeated, you look up at the stars. You find yourself looking for this God people keep raving about. Where does he reside during cloud free days? Where is he now that you’re hurting? You look to the stars twinkle in the sky. Do they know you’re hurting? Are they watching this man get beat to death? Will the universe mercilessly watch as your last breath escapes your body? Subconsciously, you take a deeper breath with that last thought. You want your last breath to be far away from this day. 

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Johnny hovered over the man's disfigured face and body, being satisfied with his work, people like him made killing easier. He walks over to you, you’re watching the sky. He studies you for a moment, you seem completely out of it. Watching the stars, deep in thought, and as if they provided some form of comfort for you. He decides to step away from you and drag the body of the man into the back of his truck. He already had the body bags, rope and other useful utensils back there. Other than the bar, nothing else in town was open. And even the bar was nearly empty. Dragging the body of a half dead man in the middle of town might sound risky. But around these parts, it was like trying to catch a drop of blood in the sea, undetectable. 

After putting the man in the back of his truck, Johnny comes back to you. You're still standing, watching the sky. Now he’s getting impatient with you. “Enough woman! You've caused enough trouble for the day” he grabs your wrist and pulls you back into reality. Before you know it, you are situated back into the passenger seat of his car, but this time with no restraints. The car, once again, rumbles into motion and you take off, leaving the man's dried blood and chunks of flesh to be feasted on by insects. 

Johnny is facing forward, not acknowledging your existence. He scrambles around in his pocket looking for something. He pulls out a cigarette and places it between his lips. He returns to his pocket and pulls out a lighter, lighting the cigarette, all while keeping one hand firmly on the steering wheel. He takes a deep hit of his cigarette and settles it between his index and middle finger and stretches his left arm out of the window, holding the cigarette. He holds the smoke in for a second and later releases it with a deep sigh, the cloud filling the car and making its way to poison your lungs. You were never a smoker, but there was something about him doing it that made it look more elegant than it was. 

“...thank you” you feel ashamed for even saying it. Maybe you should’ve said ‘I'm sorry’. He just beat a man halfway to hell, but you're sure he's used to it. You technically didn't see much of the act itself, you were distracted by the stars, you've always felt they had something to do with the true meaning of life. You tread carefully, afraid you might be next. “I didn't mean to be difficult…” you take a small pause “...i’m sorry” the apology came out more like the squeak of a mouse, but you felt it was appropriate to add it nonetheless. He continues looking straight ahead towards the road and you begin playing with the ends of your long hair in order to provide some self soothing and prepare yourself for what's to come. 

“You don't have to apologize” his voice was low but gentle. He seemed to be calm and you got the feeling that he tried reassuring you he wasn't mad, even though he didn't say it. This felt like a surprisingly human moment coming from him. You knew what he was capable of, and how quick he could switch from kind to rough but you wanted this side of him to stay a little longer. “Does it hurt? your hands, that is” you had noticed his knuckles were red and bleeding. He seemed almost startled by the question, of course he didn't expect it, but his facial expression also seemed to soften once he fully absorbed the question. “no darlin’... don't worry about me, im fine” 

Your body was fully facing him at this point. You watch him as he drives, his face looked like it was carved by God himself, not a single flaw other than his big scar cutting through his eye, which honestly only added to his charm and mystique. You wonder if another woman had placed that on him while she desperately flayed her arms to get away from him. You feel yourself get hypnotized by his hair swaying back and forth caused by the wind trying to catch up to the car's speed. How could someone so stunningly beautiful be capable of the acts he was committing, and yet, you hadn't even seen half of it, you bet. You continue watching him and feel your eyelids get heavy. It's been a long day and the headache is starting to catch up to you, the lack of food making your stomach rumble. Your body still facing him , you try to create a makeshift pillow with your hands and place it on your shoulders to rest your head. 

Johnny takes notice of you making yourself comfortable in his truck but he allows you. You’re exhausted but try to stay awake. Through your lazy attempts to keep your eyelids open, you see him glance over at you every now and then. And for the first time since the bar incident, you see that little smirk peering through. It was warm, and it gave you a sense of comfort, like you were safe with him. You pretend he's not the man he is for a moment and let yourself drift off. Keeping the mental image of his warm smirk to tuck yourself into your sleep. 

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