#man i cant believe i spent time writing this

[stellarsightz]

What would you wish for, if you had one chance?

RAHHH it is finally done!! Here's an art collab i did with the lovely and super cool @abstractredd <3

had a lot of fun with this one. hope our fellow hadlof enjoyers like it too :3c

(once again, i am so sorry redd for going crazy on the background like that 😭 )

[itsalwaysdark]

thank GODDD the doctor is taking time to work on himself maybe now he can stop ruining womens lives .

[amaranthineghost]

| I CANT HELP BUT PUSH YOU AWAY, MY DEAR. SELF SABOTAGE IS ALL I KNOW ( lando norris. ) |

ꕥ pairing: lando x reader

ꕥ summary: feeling loved is foreign to her, she wants to self sabotage, but he won't let her.

ꕥ authors note: I enjoyed this too much, probably one of my favorites I've written, not requested. side note, this will probably be the last thing i write because i work like 20 hours this weekend (including friday) plus another 15 hours next week(not including sunday) so i'll be busy with work and school, but i'll try my best to get some writing done. I suspect i'll be working more because of christmas being close, but we'll see! thanks for all the support &lt;3

if anyone has any christmas requests for any driver, PLEASE i would love to write it :3

ꕥ warnings: mentions of anxiety and overthinking and everything that comes with it, as well as struggles eating caused by anxiety, partially unrevised.

GIVING LOVE WAS EASY. receiving it felt too good to be true. giving love was easy when she'd spent her entire adolescence handing it out like a warm beverage on a cold day. it was always up for grabs, and people always wanted to take it for granted.

the idea of love was something she'd daydream about daily, craving it in a way she didn't believed she deserved. giving her love away was easy because she had lots to give. she'd trust easily, but not at the same time. she'd give her heart, but not her mind and that's how she'd end up hurting.

she longed to be loved. she swore every single love language was hers, but she'd realize how often she'd crave a single touch from the man she wanted. physical touch was always the one she longed for.

love was hard to believe. she was surrounded by it, but she never had it on the level others had.

she longed to be loved, but could she handle being loved? she knew she couldn't from past, failed relationships that failed because of her. because all it took was one relationship to break her trust for the rest to follow.

it was hard to trust that relationship to begin with, anxiety ate her away with every waking moment. she didn't believe she deserved to receive love in return of giving hers away. countless times her friends told her that he didn't deserve the love she gave him, it was best that she found out who he really was, but it destroyed her.

because now when any man showed any slight interest in her, she'd recede with heaps of anxiety.

growing up, from a kid to a teenager, she was never told she was pretty or attractive. she never had the attention from the right guys to make her feel it too. she knew she didn't need guys to tell her things to make her feel better, but she wanted them to. she'd watch her friends find solid relationships, or go between guys. she couldn't find one.

it solidified her belief that maybe she wasn't deserving. being loved was so foreign to her, she didn't know how it felt to be loved in the right way.

after all, all she knew was heartbreak and self-sabotage.

when she'd finally found her first relationship, she'd swallow the looming anxiety that bubbled in the pit of her stomach. because someone wanted to be with her. she'd give them all her heart, she'd give them her trust.

but a relationship laced with infidelity was bound to burn. and so it did. it set a fire greater than she could've put out by herself. because deep inside, it still burned in her heart. it ruined her. now she couldn't comprehend the idea of trusting someone on such a level as a relationship. being genuinely loved by someone other than herself, but even she couldn't. she didn't deserve it. because what others couldn't see in her, she couldn't see in herself.

every other 'relationship' that followed failed. they burned before they even got a chance to ignite into something else. something good, and or something bad.

because she'd never let them get close enough to have her trust. she wasn't the type to easily communicate her feelings towards another individual, pushing it into the deepest depths of her heart and mind. for her and her only.

growing up, her feelings were often stepped on or put out. she'd get called a cry baby, or no one would even care to listen. it's one of the reasons her self sabotages work so well.

she wouldn't communicate, a key component to the formula for a relationship. because what goods a relationship that you know nothing about. what goods a relationship that she's miserable in because she's too scared and untrusting to let someone through to her heart again.

it was a miracle she even managed to date him, let alone meet him in the first place. he was famous, she was her. one of the reasons she didn't think the relationship was going to go as far as it did.

because she'd constantly compare herself to his former lovers. pretty models with perfect features, famous like him.

but the attraction between the two was undeniable, even she had to admit. when they'd lock eyes for the first time, she felt that same anxiety. she always felt it when faced with anything that could be more than just a friendship. but he was different because not only was the feeling of anxiety present, the feeling of wanting more, longing.

though with every notification, she found herself praying it wasn't him, not because she didn't like him because dear god, he was probably the most attractive man she's ever seen. but because she didn't know how to talk to someone with the intention of being more than friends.

it was so vastly different than if she was texting to become friends. she couldn't imagine going from barely knowing each other, to hanging out, to dating.

because it meant she had to trust the person. she'd have to trust herself, and she didn't know if she could handle it.

she found herself struggling to reply within a message that didn't seem too dry, but not giving her burning heart away like charity. she was never good at it.

but when random texts throughout the day turned to late night conversations over the phone, to falling asleep on facetime calls, she knew she was in too deep.

especially when they'd hung out for the first time. they had a magnetic energy pulling one another together, like they couldn't and wouldn't be separated. neither of them wanted to.

but she didn't know what to tell him. she didn't know how to express her feelings when she's forced herself to keep quiet for as long as she can remember. she didn't know how to tell him she needed words of reassurance because her anxiety was her mortal enemy.

it wasn't like she couldn't trust him, she knew she could. but her mind made every possible way that he couldn't be trusted by her. it was always in her thoughts.

self sabotage seemed like the better alternative than spilling her heart and hurt to him, or overthinking every way that this would be a bad thing because there's no way he could be good to her.

when the days of anxiety got particularly worse after they'd started dating, he'd notice the times when she'd shy from his touch. he noticed her lips more irritated than usual from the consistent biting, or how short her nails became. how little she ate, and how much she'd pick at her food, pushing it around the plate till it got cold.

days like those, he did what he could with what he knew, which seemed like nothing. but he'd never fail to say something that he'd hoped would make her feel better.

and it did, at least a little.

as she laid on her back in his bed, her eyes stared into the dark of his room. her stomach rolled with the nauseous feeling that came with her anxiety, and biting her lip became a routine. her head turned to see the back of his. lando's curly hair, the chain around his neck, his bare shoulders and back. a sight to see, especially in the dark.

she'd spent countless nights awake long after he falls asleep, each time she'd carefully reach for his phone. she knew it was wrong, but she needed reassurance, and she didn't want to ask for it. but his phone was password protected, something she was too scared to even hint at.

so it became a routine. stay up well past when he'd fallen asleep, slipping his phone in her hand and simply trying a few passcodes she could think of that might work. to no avail, she'd place the phone right back, trying to make it seem like it never moved.

his phone had face id, she knew but it always seemed too risky, even for her. but she was desperate. she needed to know even when in her heart, she knew there wasn't a chance of infidelity. but her heart was charred and still in flames, so it wasn't enough.

she'd hold his phone in her hand, sliding across the cold phone case that'd matched hers. her heart beat in her chest as she slowly turned closer.

her body loomed over his, her arm snaking in front of his tired face, desperately trying for face id. she knew it'd be too dark, but this was the only time she'd actually try something. she saw the screen illuminate his face slightly, but not enough.

" 'm password's your birthday," his words slurred because of his tiredness, but nonetheless she heard him and she froze. he knew she'd been trying to get into his phone? for how long?

her mouth was dropped open and she slowly retreated the phone, though the rest of her body in shock. her feelings were conflicting. it never occurred to her that his password would be about her. because in her mind, she wasn't important enough for that.

with her breath held, sweaty palms and shaky hands, her fingers danced across the number pad, entering the date.

it worked, her eyes flickering back to him. the fact he was so willing was already enough to calm her because if it was any of her past situationships, she'd be sure they wouldn't be so forgiving if they found her with their phone. it was a deal breaker in the past.

but the way he just didn't care was nearly enough for her. at this point, she just wanted a peak, and that's all she did.

when she reassured her heart, she'd slid his phone back on his bedside table. she laid back down on her side, thoughts running through her mind at a million miles. she turned to him once again, slipping her arms around his midsection. she felt the warmth of his back spread across her chest, pressing her cheek against his skin and fluttering her eyes shut. for so long, she'd craved touch, being held by someone she was in love with.

she'd remember the last feeling she felt before slipping into a warm slumber, the sensation of his smooth and callused hand around her wrist, his thumb caressing her skin softly. she'd smirk against his back.

when morning came, she didn't know what to expect. most of the time, she wouldn't even make it through the night before she was kicked out, forced to go back home. because to them, it was much easier to force her out than to have a conversation with her. she didn't know which one she'd prefer though.

because what she didn't expect was waking up to the sun in her face, leaking through the curtains and spilling across the bed. she'd found her way to the other side of his bed, lying on her stomach with his arm across her back. her hands found their way to his wrist, feeling the multitude of bracelets between her fingers. she examined the difference between them, the fancy designers to handmade ones from his fans.

though mostly silver, there was an odd gold one that stood out, it caught her attention. the corners of her lips twitched into a smile as she separated it from the rest on his wrist. though it was mostly a simple thin chain, it had a bar with the designer name on it. she'd liked it. it was simple and pretty.

she heard the bed rustle next to her, she dropped the bracelet back down on his wrist, her head turning to watch him go from lying on his stomach to pressing his chest against her back. though his eyes still closed, he'd press his face into her neck tiredly. the hand that she'd played with grabbed hers while his other arm snaked around her shoulder and across her chest.

"you can have it, if you want," he muttered against her skin, sending chills down her spine and vibrations through her skin as she inhaled sharply. she watched him bring his hands close together, unclasping the simple bracelet.

"you don't have to, lando-" she stuttered, assuring him it was fine, but he was stubborn. he'd shush her, lifting his head to find her wrist as he'd place it around it.

" 'ts fine," he told her, "pretty girls should have pretty bracelets," he whispered against her shoulder, his lips lingering on her skin. he'd tuck the loose strands of her hair behind her ear. she felt his breath against her, shuddering.

"are you sure?" she questioned, her voice barely above a whisper when she'd look into his green eyes, watching how his pupils change size. she now laid facing him with her arm under her, supporting her weight.

she was scared it was some sort of bribe, that he'd ask her to do something in return, or that it'd be a thing to use for her to overlook something he'd done.

he nodded, studying every feature of her face. every mole, freckle and blemish, every lash on her eyelid, noticing how some crossed over the other.

"y'know we need to talk, yeah?" his tone was gentle, the rasp of his morning voice melted her brain. her heart paused, her eyes dancing across his face as he waited for an answer. his head tilted to the side.

she brought her hand to her face, biting at the flesh around her nails nervously. she felt anxiety creep over her body, tummy churning with unease. she just nodded back, unknowing of what to say.

" 'm not mad, love," he brought his hand to her face, the pads of his fingers running across her cheek, slipping into her hair, "jus' want to know what's goin' on."

the way his voice was so warm and inviting, with the slight rasp in his throat, causing a dip in his voice with every hushed word he spoke, it caused shivers across her body.

her lips parted, but no words left her throat. she pursed them together before thinking of what to say. she'd whisper back to him, "I jus' don't know how to tell you."

his head tilted even more, feeling his fingers scratch her scalp softly, "tell me what?"

"how I feel."

he felt a pang in his heart as he heard her words, the hurt laced into her voice as she watched his face closely, "how do you feel?"

she hesitated, looking at her hand nervously, finicking with the new bracelet on her wrist when he'd carefully push her chin up to meet his face.

she sighed, biting her cheek, "I feel," she started, "like I don't deserve to be loved."

she'd watch his eyes soften at her words, the expression on his face growing sadder the more he processed what she said.

he shook his head, "you do deserve it, darling, m'kay?" he leaned closer, his forehead against her, "I don't know how many times I'll need to say it for you, but I will because it's true."

his words sunk into her skin, her mind, her heart still set afire all these years later. she couldn't extinguish it by herself, but he could.

the fire that burned in her heart started to diminish with every word, with every sentence of affirmation from him. it told her she could spill her guts to him and he'd be there to simply listen. she needed that so desperately.

"I'll tell you anything you want to hear," he sat up more on the bed, his head stretching above hers, "but we need to work together on this." his hand pulled from her hair and lined across her jaw.

she nodded, sighing softly as she looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, her tongue gliding across her cracked lips with a stinging pain.

"I jus' get really anxious, and then I start to overthink," she started so easily and without realizing, she couldn't stop.

she'd spill all her trust on him and he'd pick it up and lock it safely with him. because he'd die than betray her trust, after they'd worked so hard to make this work.

he'd see the fire ablaze in her heart and body and put it out in a matter of a few words when it took her years to even lessen the hurt.

he'd restore her charred heart, picking away at the blackness that plagued it. picking her mind apart from the bad and making her realize what she needed all along.

he put out her fire.

[81folklore]

heaven - PIASTRI - part 4

pairings: oscar piastri x private!fem!reader (fc: gracie abrams)

summary: oscars winter break as seen through social media

type: social media au (smau)

authors note: THEYRE BACK BABYYY!! ive missed these two so much so here 🤲 i spent a while trying to decide what i wanted to happen with these two (already have some plans) but i needed to post and my current wip is so frustrating 😕

authors note 2: its official theyre my favorites, i had sooooo much fun writing this, just two babies in love!!!! requests are always open and feel free to come chat!! (also i wrote this at 6am so sorry if there are any typos🫶)

heaven masterlist masterlist

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, logansargeant and 9,289 others

always dressing up 🖤

📸 oscarpiastri

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yourfriend3 actually insane

yourfriend7 you are so lovely

oscarpiastri how are you even real

yourusername babyyyy☹️

oscarpiastri 😍😍

yourusername 🤩🤩

user5 ur outfits are always unreal

landonorris is thought u were staying in tonight??

yourusername we are..i dressed up for fun😁

user7 THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE

user18 SKWKZIWJJS

user93 my jaw DROPPED

yourfriend2 my favorite outfit of yours!!

user54 biggest question is if we’ll get winter break content😕

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, yourfriend1 and 13,279 others

my favorite time of year💫

view comments

oscarpiastri weenie waits for no one

yourusername heyy he likes sleeping in the warm☹️☹️

oscarpiastri still steals my seat😕

user54 oh my god

user3 DID OSCAR TAKE THOSE?!

yourusername yesss🫠

yourfriend6 see you soon!!

user68 the outfits NEVER disappoint

user2 im so ok

user26 THE FOURTH PHOTO??

user63 THE LAST PHOTO??

user5 you are so so pretty

yourusername thank uuuu🫶

oscarpiastri

liked by aussiegrit, yourusername and 436,742 others

life without racecars☀️

view comments

user54 OH MY GOD

user77 i may never recover

yourusername weenie and back photos oh i won *liked by creator*

landonorris ?!?!!?!

user2 LMAOOOO

user4 i feel ill i cant cope

user32 i need someone to love me the way they love each other

yourusername ☀️☀️

user9 the third photo..the THIRD PHOTO

user44 don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry

twitter

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 14,281 others

oscar oscar oscar

i hold so much love for you i often feel like its about to spill out of me, unable to be contained, and when im with you i let it. i let it fill the room and cover you until you really feel how much i love you

every day i wake up thinking about how lucky i am that i get to love you, that i get to live with you. its a blessing and im the luckiest girl in the world

ill never be able to fully explain just what you mean to me, just how much youve impacted and improved my life. everyday i find myself thinking of you and finding bits of you in places i least expect and then i get filled with this happiness that i only experience with you

you are the light of my life oscar piastri and i will love you in every universe, i promise

tagged oscarpiastri

comments on this post have been limited

oscarpiastri i love you more than words can describe, you have made me the happiest man alive

oscarpiastri i am in awe of you every single day and i cannot believe i get to spend them with you

yourusername 🩷🩷

op81priv

liked by yourusername, ln4priv and 37 others

the love i feel for you is infinite and is strong enough to keep me alive forever

you keep my heart filled with a love that ive never felt before and i will only ever feel for you

you’re my forever person, my bestfriend and i will love you until i cant love any more

comments on this post have been limited

yourusername oh oscar i love you so much

yourusername forever sounds perfect to me

twitter

yourusername added to their story

[natsmagi]

ok no i need to bitch because i have remained positive and hopeful throughout most of !!-era because i believed that happyele loved their characters and wouldnt deliberately go out of their way to butcher them but time and time again i have been proven wrong on this fact. and seeing the way theyre doubling down on having ibuki, a ryukyuan kid from okinawa, join a traditional "wa" japanese unit that embraces mainland japan traditions when the mainland has continuously tried to make okinawa theirs and disregard the ryukyuan identity WHILE ALSO LITERALLY HAVING EICHI COLONIZE OKINAWA IN ATLANTIS its all just becoming too much. I am no expert when it comes to these topics so do not take my word when it comes to jp culture, conflict and the likes, but knowing how poorly happyele has continuously time and time again treated their indigenous (or middle eastern in adonis's case) cast i cannot see this going well. Not to mention how having ibuki join akatsuki goes against everything the three of them have built up and the whole POINT of their unit and that for them to even fucking put this garbage in the story they had to make keito PAINFULLY ooc to pull it off because NO OTHER REALITY WOULD ALLOW IT!!!!! theyre taking akatsukis developments and throwing it out the window in an attempt to make them something "new" and more profitable while also using a beloved group that so many have spent so much of their time loving and supporting into nothing but a scapegoat for their imperialist propaganda im so unbelievably angry that theyre doubling down on this. im so angry that theyre stupid enough to let shit like this pass

and im sure youve probably read posts explaining the aktk thing better than i ever couldve, esp considering im not an aktkP, but im also writing this to tell the fans of big units to Stop Giving In. do not feel safe just because happyele is scared of losing you, because I used to be an undeadP before getting into switch and the reason i STOPPED producing them was because they viewed the unit as nothing but a money-maker machine and would completely disregard their developments for the sake of feeding into tropes that fans liked and they cared more about yaoibait than they did the characters themselves. They tossed out any growth rei and ritsu had in opperetta for the sake of bringing back sakuma brothers conflict in that painfully annoying la mort story and theyre gonna keep doing this shit until fans tire of it. valkyrie, eden and knights are three super popular units with upcoming events, and i seriously need you to not give happyele any of your time or money because they do not deserve it.

even with switch, a rather unpopular unit, theres been total garbage pulled. in switchs case i think its safe to say that akira does genuinely really care for natsume and tsumugis relationship considering thats basically all that man even includes in his switch stories, but he never really knows what to do with sora. And i feel like he doesnt really care. Like sure i can sit here and be like "well at least MY favs seem to be doing alright" but thats purely because they keep spoon-feeding us crumbs of the units popular ships so we wont complain. i still really like their dynamic and i strongly disagree with alot of fans saying natsume and tsumugi have been OOC lately, but like. Look at sora man. i dont mind him having a little gf in the virtual world, i dont mind him growing more independent, i dont mind him relying less on his synesthesia. but the executions are just. Theyre painful. with the synesthesia thing esp bc synesthesia doesnt just go away. You couldve easily made a simple point of "you cant always rely on your synesthesia to know how people feel" because that is TRUE! but that would de-fetishize this idea these people have of synesthesia being some Magical Ability and not just a neurological condition. And with the sora being more independent; this is also something thats been needed for his story! natsume and tsumugi would often coddle him way too much, and sora himself would complain about being treated as a kid. But like. sora has started to feel so disconnected from switch in a way.....? and this has even been a point of conflict in stories, sora not knowing how to partake in ntmgs conversations because theyre too difficult, or being sad that ntmg never have time to hang out with him. But instead of working on these things, they just. keep having sora hang out with people outside of natsume and tsumugi? who have practically become a package deal at this point?? literally having sora join a NEW UNIT without natsume or tsumugi????????? i dont know. im rambling but i just wanted to get this out there. Theyre my specialest guys in the whole entire world and i just want to make people more cautious of thinking "well the aktk thing wouldnt happen to MY fav unit! they wouldnt butcher MY favs!" because they very much can. even if theres an aspect youre still hooked on, other factors are visibly crumbling because management cares only about what will bring the most revenue, and not what is best for the character

i cant help but feel the reason theyre pulling this shit with akatsuki is because they felt as though they somewhat got away with it with Double Face and raked in some extra cash because kohaku ended up popular, so now theyre doing that again but taking it to the next extreme. its disheartening

anyway. i will continue to draw and enjoy ensemble stars. But i wont be supporting them financially anymore as they clearly do not care about fans at all. if i desperately want some merch ill just buy it second-hand. And while im at it, i need you people to stop telling enstarries to get into some other idol franchise instead as if the main problem here isnt how disgustingly predatory they are. Happy Elements were THE biggest joseimuke franchise, making the most money out of all their competitors, and it still wasnt enough. they still didnt respect their fans. when the fans would continuously respect their wishes. Enstars is like the only fandom ive seen that doesnt share leaks for example, yet this courtesy means nothing to them. Corporations arent your friends, never have been and never will be. those characters arent real, they do not have feelings of their own. They were all written by someone to serve a purpose, and this includes ibuki being an indigenous kid joining the wa japanese culture unit. To use this popularity to spread so much fucking bigotry and hatred is heartbreaking. And to blame the fans for being upset over it????????????? youre disgusting happyele.

[sofs16]

perceval shark

charles! fake photographer x singer!reader

HEY! i know that may sound alarming as he is a fake but its quite silly… i think… im about to write it so enjoy <3

— just finished writing; not proofread at all

yn.yln

liked by charles_jpg, and 10,484,393 others

yn.yln hi friends! im currently looking for a photographer to join me on tour for the next month since my cousin (usual photographer) got injured and can’t travel:( send me a message or email in my bio and ill send more deets:) thanks a lot!!! 💌

view all 2,484,393 comments

ynsphoto will she acc reply to like millions of people tho 😭

⤷ yn.yln i really am trying but my instagram dms are glitching now 🫠 my team and i have replied to most of the emails tho:))

july 31, 2023

— mail app, you’ve got 16,483 inbox!

INBOX

From: Charles Perceval >

To: Yn Yln >

July 31, 2023 at 4:18

Hello, Yn!

If you are still in need of a photographer, I would love to help out!

Though I have no real experience aside from taking pictures of my friends, I have a large passion for music as you do.

I hope to hear from you:)

P.S Here is a link to some of my work. Have a good day:)

All the best,

Charles Perceval

NEW EMAIL

To: Charles Perceval >

From: Yn Yln >

Subject: reply asap pls :))

July 31, 2023 at 11:01

Hey, Charles!

I’ve really spent quite a while being mesmerized at your photos and I would loveeee if you could come with us on tour this month!!

The notice is quite short but the schedule would be August 4 to August 28 with us circling Europe. Let me know if there’s any issues and we could work around it:)

Hope to hear from you as well.

All the love,

Yn Yln 🤍

To: Yn Yln

From: Charles Perceval

July 31 at 16:22

Hello, Yn!

I am so glad! There may be a minor issue but could maybe we could talk about it on Instagram.

Would that be alright?:)

All the best,

Charles

Charles Perceval

charles_jpg • Instagram

12 Followers • 83 Posts

Following you since 2017

yn 💌

i must say, the 12 followers and private account is very sketchy, perceval 🤷🏻‍♀️

Charles Perceval

Hello Yn! Why are you judging me on my followers 😂

yn💌

NO IM NOT

im just saying i hope you dont rob me when we meet in real life 😔

Charles Perceval

Thank you for the trust in me. But I would not do that to you😁

yn 💌

sigh.. i guess it’s my fault if i end up dead in a ditch… ANYWAYS!

are you free to meet tomorrow 😁

Charles Perceval

Where exactly?

yn💌

Where are you now?

Charles Perceval

Spa

yn💌

you’re.. in a spa?

Charles Perceval

No! Spa, Belgium

yn💌

that one was NOT on me! But perfect the first stop there is actually Belgium! I can go there if it’s not a problem for you?

Charles Perceval

It is no problem for me:)

yn💌

Charles, don’t take this personally or rudely, but how old are you?

Charles Perceval

26 This October

yn💌

alright! just making sure youre not an old man😁

Charles Perceval

Aw, thank you.

yn💌

my manager will send more details, thanks charles and see you tomorrow:)

charles.jpg

Follow Requests

f1babes + 5,383,292 others

yn.yln has requested to follow you. 1m

confirm | delete

yn.yln

belgium

liked by charles_jpg, and 8,018,382 others

yn.yln i may look fine but i have been hiccuping for the last 2 hours i fret i am getting a six pack

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ynsbabe i bet if u turned it to a sing, it’d be a bop

⤷ yn.yln too emotional to turn it into a song

august 2, 2023

yn.updated

liked by 2,483 others

yn.updated yn.yln just landed in Belgium where she will be performing for the first time this Friday!

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liviesyn streets say she went to dinner with a guy 💔😭😭😭😭😭😭

⤷ ynsday chill. she can have guy friends

⤷ author not this one 😅

august 2, 2023

ynshit

liked by oliviarodrighoe, and 16 others

ynshit NOT WHAT I EXPECTED EMAILING THIS MAN.

view all 10 comments

oliviarodrighoe cant believ u didnt know charles leclerc THATS SO SO SUTPID IM LAUGJGING

⤷ ynshit HE SAID PERCEVAL DUMBASSSSS

⤷lauflaufey if he said leclerc would you have known anyway😭

⤷ ynshit 🙂

⤷ oliviarodrighoe how did you even find out

⤷ ynshit HE TOLD ME BCUZ HE’S LIKE A SHIT LIAR (thank you very much)

reneewrap did you hire him anyways

⤷ ynshit yes… MAN IS RICHER THAN ME THO

⤷ oliviarodrighoe HAHAHAHAHAHA

⤷ ynshit fuck you

⤷oliviarodrighoe or…

⤷ ynshit STOP

august 3, 2023

charles_jpg

yn.yln has requested to follow you. 4d

confirmed | decline

— instagram notification!

• yn.yln has followed charles_jpg and charles_leclerc!

charles.jpg

liked by yn, lando.jpg, and 7 others

charles.jpg Thank you, Lewis for the camera 😘

view all 10 comments

lewis.jpg Anytime mate! yn yes, thank you lewis hamilton

[liked by charles.jpg]

august 3, 2023

ynswife

liked by 10,483 others

ynswife what do you MEAN yn followed charles leclerc on his main AND jpg acc which NO ONE ELSE BUT THE GRID AND HIS FAMILY FOLLOWS. view all 3,485 comments

ynsferrari bro has been liking all of yns posts since 2015 with that acc 😭😭😭😭

august 3, 2023

yn.yln

tagged: charles_leclerc liked by charles_leclerc, and 14,393,292 others

yn.yln belgium 🤍 got a special guy with us too

view all 3,696,607 comments

charles_leclerc Sooo excited for this month! ⤷ yn.yln bring it on, perceval;)

maxverstappen1 🎉

taylorswift Gorgeous! ⤷ yn.yln i told u guys that song was abt me

august 3, 2023

charles_leclerc

tagged: yn.yln liked by yn.yln, and 2,293,596 others

charles_leclerc London 😎📷

view all 583,797 comments

yn.yln youre so talented, perceval:,) you make me like my smile

⤷charles_leclerc Haha thank you, ynn. You have an pretty smile to begin with! ⤷ lestappen1661 I can hear the church bells

charles1166 no because the way charles always captures her best moments like the happiness in the first slide and how she’s literally a star on the 2nd 😭

august 6, 2023

FERR4RI.YLN

liked by 3,282 others

FERR4RI.YLN “you make my like my smile” “you have a pretty smile to begin with” OH ITS OVER FOR US

view all 27 comments

ylnleclerc MOM AND DAD

august 6, 2023

yn.yln

tagged: charles_leclerc

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, and 7,383,494 others

yn.yln my turn to jpg 🤭

view all 3,585,922 comments

charles_leclerc Loving the first slide ❤️

⤷ yn.yln thanks!

oliviarodrgio ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❣️❤️💗💟😘

⤷ yn.yln fuck off. f1rraris yn sitting with charles on the plane😭 his whipped smile😭 them eating together😭 the heart emoji😭

august 8, 2023

yn.updated

liked by 18,493 others

yn.updated yn sings unreleased song “slut” at monaco soundcheck today?!?! some lyrics :

• “got love struck, went straight to my head”

• “and if they call me a slut you know if might be worth it for once”

• “everyone wants him that was my crime”

• “i break down then he’s pulling me in. in a world of boys, he’s a gentleman”

view all 4,586 comments

chleclercs bye. august 10, 2023

yn.yln

liked by charles_leclerc, and 9,193,492 others

yn.yln monacoooo!!! thanks for being so kind to me and charles:,)

august 10, 2023

yn.yln

monaco

liked by charles_leclerc, and 11,737,292 others

yn.yln a day in shark lerklerk’s life

view all 4,697,922 comments

lewishamilton shark lerklerk

⤷ maxverstappen1 shark lerklerk

⤷ fernandoalo_oficial shark lerklerk

⤷ pierregasly shark lerklerk

⤷ landonorris shark lerklerk

charles_leclerc 🤦‍♂️

⤷ yn.yln💆🏼‍♀️

cru3lsumma entering gf yn time.

august 11, 2023

ynshit

liked by oliviarodrighoe, and 8 others

ynshit this isnt funny im ac down bad. ITS BEEN LIKE 10 DAYS

view all 6 comments

oliviarodrighoe MATCHMAKER ERA 🙋‍♀️

august 11, 2023

sharkie !!❤️

ynn💗

sharkie! wana dinner 2nite 🎉

sharkie !!❤️

Of course! Where should I pick you up? :)

ynn💗

my my what a gentleman

at the hotel we’re staying in🤷🏻‍♀️

sharkie !!❤️

see you:)

ynshit

liked by 11 others

ynshit HE LET ME EAT IN HIS CAR. …… 🙂

view all 32 comments

laufey oh she’s whipped! oliviarodrighoe LALALALALALAL HELLO?

august 11, 2023

charles_leclerc

liked by 7,282,595 others

view all 1,201,833 comments

charlec11 the random an posting no caption is so bf

yn.yln wait. why do i look snatched here.

⤷ charles_leclerc You most certainly are ;)

⤷ f1111zoom HOLD TH E PHONEZ

august 15, 2023

yn.yln

liked by charles_leclerc, and 15,393,393 others

yn.yln little ep out now:)

[ COMMENTS DISABLED ]

august 22, 2023

charles_leclerc

liked by 21,383,696 others

charles_leclerc Might as well be worth it for once❤️

view all 5,707,707 comments

yn.yln thanks for the last pic, love 🧘‍♀️

yn.yln STOPP IM GOING TO MISS YOU FOR TOUR

⤷ charles_leclerc you could always come to the pasdock😘

⤷ yn.yln WAGGING HERE I COME

august 25, 2023

[theholidayslingerlikebadperfume]

i think the thing i hated the most about the public abuse campaign against amber heard in 2022 is that even well-intentioned but ignorant people to the entirety of the details in the case were saying things like "amber is an imperfect victim but she is still a victim" because they knew she would fight back and would try and negotiate with her abuser sometimes instead of just leaving like society thinks you should do.

and this is building off the previous post about the two types of child abuse because it allows applies to how we treat domestic violence as a society as well. amber heard was a perfect victim, her abuse story was textbook open and shut.

she grew up in an household witnessing DV between her parents. she is a bisexual woman. she was a young starting actress when she met johnny depp, at half his age. at this time, depp ALREADY had a history of public drunkness and violence because he was well into his 40s, maybe 50s at the time.

he was amazing to her in the first months of dating, maybe even a year. then he hit her for the first time after she makes a joke at his expense and she was shocked.

she knew abuse was wrong. she knew the behavior was unacceptable. but this wasnt her boyfriend. this wasnt the man she knew. she had never seen him act this way before, there were no signs up until now. he was so loving. he was drunk and probably high anyways. maybe it was a one time thing. he was so sorry afterwards. she gave him another chance because it had been months of living together (or at the very least spending weeks holed up with one another only!!!!!! red flag af) in perfect harmony at this point.

he goes back to normal. things are better than before. he pulls out all the stops. hes caring towards her friends and family. she feels like he cares about her safety still at this point. obviously he didnt want to hurt her. obviously he just lost control.

it happened again. and again. and again. each time the cycle gets faster. each time, the abuse more violent.

it leads to sexual assault. she's married him at this point. this is on their honeymoon i believe. she feels embarrassed. she spent 5 years putting up with him. she feels the most violated ever. she doesn't know what to do. she's ashamed. she tries to make it work again.

it leads to the worst attack on her life. she was worried she was going to die. over a dog shitting on their bed when she was out of town. her friend called the police to de escalate the situation because he wasnt listening to anyone's explanations and accusing everyone of conspiring against him. it sounded lethal over the phone. they were worried for her safety.

the police come but everyone has already calmed down at that point. she is ashamed of what has happened so publically at this point. she knows she cant stay. she knows he doesnt care about her safety finally. she leaves. she files for divorce and alleges abuse as the reason why.

she has YEARS of testimony. he paid doctors to drug her. he wrote awful texts about wanting to rape her corpse. he called her a lesbian camp counselor and made her apologise for being bisexual and having women friends. there are videos of him being violent and slamming doors around her drunk and incoherent rambling. you can tell she doesnt want him to see the camera but she needs the proof. she knows nobody will believe her without proof.

she has dozens many hundreds of photos of the abuse. she has MEDICAL TESTIMONY FROM HER THERAPISTS AND HIS THERAPIST HE FORCED HER TO ATTEND WITH HIM.

he convinces her to drop the abuse allegations and sign AN NDA after a hours long conversation his lawyer would leak to the public in a future lawsuit as part of a smear campaign against her.

she waits until he speaks publically about the abuse allegations in an interview before she writes an article about protecting women legally who are abuse victims and states she was "a figure representing domestic violence publically" or something to that affect.

he files a defamation lawsuit against her and the newpapers calling him a wife beater as a result. he loses in a country where liberaci won his defamation lawsuit for the press calling him gay publically.

he files another defamation lawsuit against her, a tactic that is well documented as an abuser DARVO tactic online with advocacy groups everywhere. he files it in a country with terrible media laws and in a state with even worse laws protecting DV victims.

he gets a famous alt right misinformation company to spend thousands of dollars running a social media smear campaign with bots.

he wins the defamation lawsuit because people genuinely believe a grown woman alleging abuse shat in this man's bed as an elaborate plot to abuse him and steal his money and fame or something??????????????

this is like clear cut perfect victimhood. if amber heard isnt a perfect victim, who the fuck is??????

not that i agree with perfect versus imperfect victimhood because its such a gross concept imho to ascribe to but like she is definitely a perfect victim.

and it all stems from the fact that society doesnt understand how someone can choose to stay with an abusive partner for years before leaving that relationship. society doesn't understand how someone can grow up witnessing abuse as a sign of love and that changing their perspecting on what real love should look like.

idk like i genuinely think about amber heard all the fucking time and all the abuse victims that summer destroyed emotionally and mentally witnessing yall behave like that. and yall just moved on. yall moved on. you ruined that woman's life and all she wanted to do was be honest about her truth and be believed. yall stole that from her and you told every abuse victim watching that you are not a safe person to be around and then yall just... moved on.

well im still at the restaurant, this is the corner im haunting for the rest of my life. i cannot accept it, it breaks my heart when i think about it.

[doukeshi-kun]

did kolya ever dispose the bodies of alex and julia? (i cant remember if that was their names hehe its been a while...)

because i've been wondering if he got caught and arrested or he just ran off too, OR he just murdered the rest of the officer's? AND HOW DARE HE KISS ANOTHER WOMAN ? was it basically just a plan to get closer to the reader at the end. i got so many questions (im still not healed 😐)

ah i just really love any discussion about stalker!nikolai bcs i really love to hear thoughts and opinions and theories from you guys 😆

well, to answer, julia was 'disposed', sort of. she was, after all, mutilated and stuffed into garbage bags and the rests of her body were thrown at the back gate of the haunted fair—near the forest. alex, well... after y/n and nikolai ran away from the police, alex's corpse was being left on the road but a few police did find him and surround his body as our main couple ran away and had their conflict somewhere.

whether kolya got caught or got bailed or ran off, that's totally up to interpretation. is this an excuse that i don't have storyline for that? no! bcs i do have the real answer on how nikolai is still 'free' even after all that incident and why he kissed the woman.

and below this :readmore:, i'm telling briefly on what actually happened (from the writer's perspective lmao). but again, i did intentionally leave the details bcs i like to have my readers interpret the scenes however they want

so, firstly, whether nikolai does possess The Overcoat in this au does not matter. in my mind, he was caught up by the polices and there are already several implications that he has connection with fyodor still (based from ivan's scene). he complied with the authority while also depending on fyodor (or anyone you want, really... or perhaps himself) to help him with the proofs and accusations. so, yes, he was caught up and complied to the authorities. i believe nikolai is not a man who kill unnecessarily (alex is necessary lmao and julia... well, he killed her bcs she made y/n's life horrible. so she got that chop chop). as i believed he is such a man, i can't really see him murdering all the polices... especially after his funfair was raided, alex's corpse was left on the road near the fair, etc. the most logical way to do this is to play smart. and besides, in BSD universe itself, the polices are kinda weak and like.... how many fucking murderers roaming the BSD world😭 pretty sure nikolai can tweak the law and system easily, especially considering he was a secretary for the ministry of justice years ago.

but! like i said, you can freely think however you want him to escape or be free. he killed the polices? sure! he escaped thru his portal? yeay! he just get caught and spent 3 months in jail? okay! — after all, you are the reader.

secondly, yes, he kissed maya (i was hurted too writing that goddamn) and fortunately he rejected her offer to have sex because he is THAT loyal. and well, while he made out with maya purely to manipulate the poor lady emotionally to get to the reader, but hey :) at least he kissed you back thousands times more desperate and hungrier and passionate.

[lakesbian]

the other thing about writing syjessie is that with any other cishet boy character in 1920 i would probably consider it quite possibly highly unreasonable and silly to have everything go from 'oh no my boy best friend is in love with me what do we do' to 'good news my boy best friend has decided she wants to be a girl actually. lets kiss' in 0 to 100 flat but. The Thing About Sylvester Is . he literally textually canonically on purpose has a weird psychosexual fixation crush thing on an adult man. he's not bisexual he's just like that. he's got that whole shounen yaoibait (also on purpose) thing with jamie because he's just so pathologically fucking Obsessed with his friends that a best friendship will have him clinging emotionally + physically and veering over boundaries that would normally be reserved for a romantic relationship. he never shuts the fuck up in his skull about how awesome gordon and his secret dark side are, because he is obsessed with his friends. you kind of get the sense that it was a cruel trick of fate to make him heterosexual because he would be genuinely incredible at being bisexual and in love with all of his friends. he already practically Is in love with all of his friends, it just doesn't come with romantic or sexual attraction towards the male ones. (or towards helen bc shes helen, by far too scary by far.) like hes the worlds first bisexual straight boy. and by the time jessie comes out, he's already spent months and months on end living with her and spending every day with her and coming to see her as not just a best friend but also very clearly as the person his entire life is built around. which is the only thing holding his sad little brain together since he doesnt get to be with any of the other lambs. so i think that for sylvester specifically it's actually incredibly natural for his hyper-adaptable wildly codependent brain to react to jessie coming out with not "oh cool, maybe eventually ill like you but idk i cant promise anything" but with the "OH SHIT OH FUCK THE PERSON I ALREADY LOVE CRAZYSTYLE IS A GIRL AND SHES WEARING SKIRTS" switch flipping on in his skull and him speedrunning getting the worlds most cringe+fail crush on her. Like do you know what i mean. I believe he could have this level of efficiency in him.

[milkybellybites]

Pink Hope - Lee Anton

Pink Hope - Lee Anton

Pairing Anton x Reader Genre Fluff Warnings None! WC 675

Masterlist

Chapter One

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7:26AM

Look at me, I’m as helpless as a kitten up a tree. And I feel like I’m clinging to a cloud, I can’t understand. I get misty just holding your hand.

Misty by Lesley Gore blares through my headphones as I read the twenty second chapter of my favourite book Little Women. Being a hopeless romantic means rereading the same fifteen romance books over and over again, obsessing over said books, and finally, daydreaming about feeling that kind of love. Everyone always says that certain kinds of love only exist in movies and books but I dont believe them. How can someone write about experiencing such amazing love without feeling such amazing love?

“Morning Sunshine, lets get going. We are going to be late.” Chaewon chirps as she bursts through my bedroom door, “Gosh Y/N, how many times have you read that old book.”

I roll my eyes as I take out my headphones and place the old tatty book in my bag, “Don’t knock it till you try is Chae. You never know, you might like romance books.”

“What? And be like you? Listening to lovey dovey music while reading your silly little romance books all day.” She laughs, standing up from my bed bumping shoulders with me, “I could never spend my days swooning over men who dont even exist.”

“Hey, Laurie and Amys’ love story is perfect. You cant deny it.” I replied as we make our way downstairs.

“Actually I can. I never read the book. Bye, Mom!” Chaewon waves a goodbye to my Mom as she opens the front door. Chaewon started calling my Mom “Mom” only one year into our friendship after she had a nightmare during a sleepover and my Mom comforted her. Ever since that night Chaewon has had two Moms.

“Bye, Mom! See you tonight.”

7:47AM

“Y’know, if you spent more time studying and less time listening to Mac DeMarco you wouldnt have a 62% in Japanese.” Chaewon exclaimed wildly as we exit the convenience store.

“Y’know, I dont think I’m going to take academic advice from someone with an average grade of 54%.” I laugh, cracking the lid of my iced coffee bottle.

“Hey, I am not taking any kind of sass from a person who reads for fun.” Chaewon grumbles at me.

“Maybe you should pick up a book. Try expanding your pea sized brain.”

We both laugh as we make our way into the school gate.

8:01AM

“Morning Eunseok.” I smile at my seat mate.

“Hey Y/N. How are you.” He questions.

“Good,” I say with a small smile while turning to get my books and pencil case out of my bag, “Did you have practice this morning?”

“Oh, yeah,” He replies, looking down at the rumpled up practice bag that is covered in dirt, “Lots of running this morning.”

I laugh quietly and turn back to my books but not before he could ask, “Is Chaewon here today?”

“Yeah,” I reply pointing a few rows ahead of us, “Why?”

“Oh, no reason.” He quickly and quietly covers the creeping blush on his cheeks.

8:12AM

The classes quiet and comfortable atmosphere is abruptly disrupted by a group of teenage boys barging in hollering and whooping like a group of baboons. They are so not like the boys I read about.

“The gang is back together!” Sohee - the self-proclaimed “Ladies Man” - exclaims while sitting down in his seat.

“I am so happy you're back Anton.” A voice I recognise as Shotaro hollered from the back of the group.

Anton? I wonder who that is. I turn to look at Chaewon to find she is already looking at me. She gives me a confused look and I simply shrug my shoulders.

“Yeah guys, its pretty cool.” A small unrecognizable voice mumbles. 

The group of boys start to disperse out to there seats as the first bell rings, leaving a lone boy standing in the middle of the class, nervously grabbing his backpack straps.

Oh.

Oh. That was Anton.

[indras-wife]

hii! I read some of your writing and AHHH!!!<33 you're an amazing writer like I'm in love with all your works!

I was wondering if I could request a yandere! indra head cannons with a s/o who is blind due to getting severely hurt in one of her missions and now she's starting to function without her eyesight but its been hard for her to do so. Maybe this is pre-obession when they first get to now each other?

have a great rest of your day, lovely! I totally understand if you don't accept this request, no pressure! <3.

Hi sweetheart! Thank you so so much for such kind words!<3 I am happy that you love my writings, as it gives me more motivation to share my ideas with more people.<3<3<3. And yayy another Yandere Indra. He is really one obsessive man and I cant explain just how much I love writing him as a yandere.

Thank you for this AMAZING request. I did my best to write this and hope you will love it. You can request more and I will complete them with great pleasure. Have a good reading cutie<3

Indra knew his s/o since they were kids. Even as a kid, he noticed how strong-willed and strong-minded she was. And of course, she was always appearing in some trouble, from which usually Indra was saving her.  He did like saving her, appearing as a hero in her eyes, but deep in his heart he was afraid that he would not be able to help or save her in some situations.

“You worry too much about me. I am strong and can handle everything life throws at me okay?” she would always tell this to Indra, hoping to calm him and not have him worried over her. Of course, Indra was never fully convinced of it, but as a kid, he tried to trust her and believe in her abilities. Only later on would he regret trusting her words and not listening to his heart.

As they grew up, both their powers grew as well. Despite knowing how strong she was, Indra absolutely hated the idea of his s/o fighting or taking part in anything dangerous. As a pessimist, Indra envisioned multiple bad things happening to his s/o during a mission. The one he was extremely afraid of was of course her dying. Indra would never forgive him for letting his crush die, without ever getting the chance to confess love to her.

His fears unfortunately came true one day, when she returned to the village with her teammates, severely hurt. As soon as he saw her in that state, Indra’s mind filled with dark thoughts about killing the one who dared to hurt her s/o this bad. Of course, with a lot some intimidation and searching, he found the man who hurt her. 

“You touched and hurt what’s mine. You will experience the same pain as she did, but only 10 times harder. I will NOT let you live!” His face and clothes were covered in blood as he finished dealing with the man. Despite mercilessly torturing and killing him, Indra felt unsatisfied. He wished to bring this man back and kill him over and over, till he got that satisfaction. Of course, he did use his visual prowess, but for him it was not enough at all.  

Upon returning back home and seeing his s/o in a bed, Indra’s heart filled with more hate towards the man whom he killed not long ago. He even started to dislike her teammates, even though they also were badly injured. “Imbeciles…” He would think to himself every time he saw them.

“ I am sorry Indra-sama…We were not able to help her and..I am afraid she has lost her eyesight forever”

Indra felt his whole world crush down upon hearing the head medic speak those words. She was now…blind?  Undoubtedly, Indra carried a lot of guilt in his heart, blaming him for not being with her and letting her get hurt to the point of losing her eyesight. 

He spent his free time next to her, tending to her needs and just taking care of her. Now that she is blind, Indra would not let her off his eyesight. If he had to train some students, he asked his two strongest students to guard her and not let anyone, except the medic, go to her. He would try to finish his training soon so he could spend more time with her. 

At first his s/o loved how sweet and caring Indra was, feeling as if she was only now getting to know him and his caring side that Ashura was always talking about. Indra would feed her, keep her company and most importantly speak with her. The more she saw his kind side, the more she started to fall for him. It was a shame she lost her eyesight and could not see his handsome face, but hearing his soft voice was enough for her.

 Her feelings for him were growing day by day and one day she confessed her feelings to him. “I think I am in love with you…Indra-sama” she spoke softly, hearing her own heartbeat in her eyes. She was sure Indra would reject her or ignore her, but she was pleasantly surprised when Indra pressed his lips to hers. “I waited so long to hear those words…I've been in love with you ever since we were kids…I feel accomplished now” He spoke calmly. For both of them this was the ebay day in their lives. However, the love confession would soon enough fuel Indra’s extremely protective and even crazy side to an unbearable point

His s/o  was soon enough able to get out of the bed and was trying to get adjusted to her new life without her eyesight. It was difficult, but she managed to do it. After being able to walk with a cane, she wanted to try and get back to training after her body fully recovered. When she spoke to Indra about it, Indra was very dissatisfied with her desire. “No way. Have you lost your mind? You lost your eyesight and there is no way I am going to have you trained in this state. You should forget about your past life FOREVER. I will be always next to you and take care of you so your training is NOT needed”

She absolutely hated how Indra was constantly with her, scolding her if he noticed her trying to practice in secret. He was now overly protective, not letting her off his eyesight. His s/o was starting to regret falling for him, but she knew there was no way out of this situation. Her only solution was obeying him and not making him angry. After all, her mind was replaying his words which sounded like a treat more and more each day. 

“You belong to me…Don’t ever forget about it, darling. And if you EVER think about disobeying my words, trying to escape or get your life back, I will put a stop to it right there. I WILL NOT hold back..So be a good girl and listen to me~”

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[ants-personal]

thinking about bensons dead beat dad who left around when he was 6 he doesnt remember much about him but he does remember being referred to as a fuck up already and how hed barely see him even though his mother was the one with a job.

How maybe once his dad took him hunting cause thats what men do with their sons and it hadnt been so bad until it came time to shoot the fawn his father whiaperung harshly for him to take the shot before it scampers off to his mother and he ended up crying with shaking hands unable to pull the trigger its mama would be sad he cried thats her i dont want it to die the fawn running off snd his father calling him pathetic and the rest of trip being spent in silence his father barely looking at him and when he did all he saw was disgust and anger.

How after his father left his mother was devastated and angry going from sobbing holding him rocking on the couch about how theyll be okay and to have him promise never to leave her hes a good boy and loves his mama course he wouldnt do that. To her drinking and getting angry just like that man did she only blamed him once regret on her face after but he remembers and never truly believed her when she apologized perfously. How much time he spent alone cause she still needed to work and they had no family close enough to watch him.

How he was forced to be more mature for his age at taking himself to and from school after second grade he doesnt play with the other kids he spends alot of his time alone reading or writing what he guesses were a kids verison of poems or songs. His teacher calling him a little elton john hes can see him being a big star when hes older. He would like the days they played sports it was the one time he acted like a kid running and laughing as his team would win.

He doesnt ask for many things knows because shes showed and explained that they dont have alot of money for the things she wishes she could give him but thanks to he who wont be named this is what they got he tries to make her feel better its okay mama he doesnt want those things anyways toys and games hes happy with a ball and paper and he doesnt really even wanna go to a stupid stinky zoo with his class. So praises him for being so smart and kind her sweet baby boy as they watch the old tv and a leftovers she took from the diner.

So its a surprise when she comes hom one night and sits him down to tell him she was able to get some distant relative to help her raise the funds to let him go to the field trip to the zoo and he cant help but squeal and jump around before hugging her thanking over and over hes never been so excited about anything he knows what animals will be there theyve been learning about them in class even when he wasnt going he still enjoyed at least learning. But now hes going he can barely concentrate when his mom explains that she wont be able to chaperone like all the other parents she still has to work but when dropping the money off at the school and explained this to his teacher. She was promised that his teacher would be keeping a close eye on him so hes to stay with him at all times and listen like she knows he will. Nodding furiously repeating promises a new bounce in his step he helps with the chores its the day before the best day ever and he has a hard time falling asleep but eventually does with a smile

[sebsgirl71479]

London Nights

A Shoot your Shot add on.

Sebastian Stan x Curvy!Actress Reader

Word count: 1,722 words

A/N: Yes, I started this story because of the most beautiful pictures of Sebastian Stan at the London premier of Sharper. This is in the same universe of Shoot your Shot but decided to give it a different name this time around. Again, reblogs are very much appreciated. Thank you to @christycurlswrites and all the ladies on my discord for encouraging me to write this even when I'm still in the middle of my Sebastian Stan!Mafia story

Warnings: 18+ no minors, Smut (pvp sex) Unprotected sex, Cussing, fluff. If i missed anything opps. 

The week before valentine's day you and Sebastian were heading to London for press and the premier of his new movie Sharper for Apple+. You had never been to London and this was going to be amazing because you were going with your very sexy fiancé Sebastian. The flight was going to be super long so you left New York around 11:30 pm for you to arrive a little after 9am London time. You and Sebastian both wore comfortable sweatpants and hoodies for the flight since you were hoping to get a few hours of sleep on the flight. “Seb do we have to go through the regular TSA or do we have to pre-check?” “I made sure we got pre-check. So just in case there would be too many people at the airport we could just go right through and you wouldn't have to feel uncomfortable being searched.” “Thank you so much baby, I love you.” “I love you too draga” 

You were both able to get 4 hours of sleep on the flight and so you didn't feel too tired when you got to Heathrow Airport. You each had a carryon and 1 large piece of luggage for your stay in england. Stepping out of the VIP area of the airport you were greeted by a man in a black suit and a sign saying ‘Mr Stan & Fiance’ “Well I guess this is for us huh honey?”  “I guess so, very cool.” “Hello, I’m Mr Stan and this is my fiance Miss Y/L/N.” “It's good to meet you sir, if you will follow me, we will get your luggage into the car and head to your hotel.” You followed the driver to the curbside pickup and handed him your things. You got into the backseat waiting for Sebastian to finish speaking to the driver while helping him. That man will try his best to stay humble in any aspect, that's one of the reasons you love him so much. While you sat there you thought of the sexy lingerie you packed especially for the premier he is going to flip. 

You were brought out of your dirty thoughts when Sebastain opened the door to get in the back with you. He slid over so he could be closer to you and wrap his arm around you. “I cant believe I’m in london with the love of my life and celebrate his newest movie.” you look up at him as you say the last part. “I’m glad you were able to come with me draga. Premiers make me more nervous than awards shows, I’m glad to have you by my side.” Sebastian gives you a kiss on the forehead and you snuggle closer to him as you drive through the streets of London. You settle into the hotel and spend the rest of the day relaxing on the couch in your room while Sebastain makes a few phone calls letting him know where his press interviews will be and with whom. 

That evening you have room service brought to your room and have a nice romantic dinner. The next 2 days are spent following Sebastian to his interviews and in between interviews you chat with a few of his co-stars. In a flash Wednesday comes and it's the day of the premier. You have no clue what Michael, Sebs stylist put him in and you’re buzzing with excitement to see what he is wearing. You spend most of your time getting ready in the ensuite of the hotel room making sure your skin is glowing and your hair is perfect. You put on the lingerie you picked out for tonight and checked yourself in the mirror one more time before you opened the door to get your dress that was hanging on the room door. “Sebastian are you in the bedroom?” “Yes darling, I'm all dressed, just waiting for you to put on your dress.”  When you exit the bathroom you see Sebastian looking in the mirror to make sure his suit is good. He hears you coming out and when you both lay eyes on each other it's like there is a jolt of electricity that hits both of you. There he stands, in an all black Prada suite with a long trench coat and turtleneck. 

He is giving off major vampire vibes with his long hair loose and beard. “Fuck me.” you say quietly. At that moment Sebatian sees you in the lingerie you picked out and his eyes blow wide with lust. He rakes his eyes up and down your frame and starts slowly walking towards you. His gaze is so intense it's almost embarrassing how hot you’re getting from it. You're so turned on by his look your pussy is practically dripping with desire. “Sebastian?” “Draga, how much time do we have til we leave? Because I don't think we can go until I've had your perfect pussy wrapped around me.” “I think we have enough time, besides we can always be fashionably late.” At that moment Sebastain is on you and crashes his lips to yours in a heated, passionate kiss. You slide your hands up his arms and and push his coat off his shoulders and onto the floor. Sebastian has his hands on your shoulders gliding down the sheer lingerie to have access to your breast. He grabs ahold of them and you moan into his mouth. 

He starts kissing down your neck at the same time removing the lingerie having it pool at your feet, when he comes back to your mouth you bring your hands to his belt and start removing it as well and unzipping his pants. You place your hand on his hard cock and gently tug on it. He breaks the kiss and bends down to bring your left breast into his mouth while pinching the right with his thumb and middle finger. “Oh god Seb, don't stop.”  “I won't stop until you can barely walk tonight. Don't worry I’ll help you if needed.” With a devilish grin he brings his hands to the back of your thighs and hoists you up to his waist and brings you to the large king size bed. He gently lays you down on the bed. With your hair splayed across the bed and you in only your thong you look like a sex goddess. He finishes taking off his slacks and then his shirt keeping him in boxer briefs. He grabs his cock over his briefs trying to stave off the ache he has for you.  

You lift your right hand and with your finger beg him to come to you, he obliges and starts crawling on top of you. Placing open mouth kisses up your body as he meets your lips in a bruising kiss. He is absolutely feral for you groping your breast and hips as he makes it down to the waistband of your thong. He takes it in his hands and rips it off your body. “I hope after this you weren't thinking of wearing these because i want you dripping my cum as we walk the premiere.” “I wouldn't have it any other way baby. Fucky me daddy!” Sebastian said screw it, no prep he rolled on top of you and started taking his underwear off and kicked them to the floor. He came back down and placed his forehead to yours while pumping his cock a few times before nugging your clit feeling how wet you are for him. “Oh god baby your so fucking wet, is this all for me?” “It’s all for you always.” Sebastian started inserting his cock into your weeping pussy inch by inch. You were so wet he could practically slide in with no problem which he did once he was halfway in and just slammed his cock the rest of the way elcting the most pornagraphic moan he has ever heard. 

“Fuck baby that was the sexiest sound i have ever heard lets see if we can hear that again.” He started fucking so hard the headboard of the bed started hitting the wall. You were already in a haze with how relentless his was fucking you. Your hands started scratching down his back as the intensity of your organism was approaching. “Oh Sebastain, baby i'm so close, thats it right there don't stop. Oh god!” “I'm almost there too, baby come on cum with me. I want you to look at me when you cum.” You slowly open your eyes and are met by his sweaty face and eyes that will look into your soul. You hold his face and give him the same intensity. He can feel you choking his cock so hard and brings his hand between your bodies and starts circling your clit. You bring your legs around his waist and lock them in place at the ankles. Then with just 3 words you let go of an earth shattering orgasim. “Cum for daddy.” You are milking his cock so hard he can hardly move when his orgasim comes. “Holy shit baby, i cant stop cumming there's so much i can't stop.”  He stays inside you for a few more minutes. “I love you so much Seb.” I love you too y/n, soon to be Mrs Stan. I like the sound of that.” He rolls off you and stands up to grab a warm washcloth from the bathroom to wipe the little cum that is on your thighs. He still wants you dripping from your pussy tonight, no underwear. 

After redoing your hair and make-up and getting your dress on finally, Sebastian gets dressed again and keeps his disheveled hair for the night. You make it to the movie premiere 10 mins late but are on time to have Sebastian take photos with his castmates. As you two sit to watch the movie you are squirming in your seat feeling Sebastian's cum dripping out. He notices this and brings his lips to your ear to whisper to you. “You okay baby? Is there something wrong?” You can hear the smile on his face, smug bastard. “No baby I'm good just can't wait till this is over so we can have round 2 maybe 3.”  “God I love you so fucking much baby.”

Tag List: @christycurlswrites @frostironfudge @buckyalpine @altagraye @allandoflimbo @peaches1958 @wolphfeather @ozwriterchick

[avawritingsfc]

Hiii❤️ loved your bf!colepalmer headcanon!! I was wondering if you could do one based on how arguments would be like with cole? In need of some angst haha 😭

Thank you!! xxx

Hey!💓 Aww I'm glad you liked it🤧

Okay so in terms of how I like to write arguments, I always like bringing an astrological twist to things. I find it adds a different dimension. Although, we don’t know much about Cole’s birth time, we know he is a taurus sun so I have based my thoughts on how he would behave during an argument with his partner on that.

~~Enjoy😘

Arguments with Cole Palmer: Headcanon⚡️🖤

before you read: not too angsty, pretty realistic. again these are my thoughts and opinions, please don't take it too seriously.

The Silent Storm:

The silent storm is truly how i would describe Cole during moments of conflict with his s/o.

Cole is not the type to raise his voice during an argument.

When tension first arises, he tends to go quiet, his brows furrowed as he tries to process his emotions.

He’s not one for impulsive reactions, so he’ll often take a moment to collect his thoughts before responding.

This can sometimes feel like he’s shutting down, but really, he’s just trying to avoid saying something he might regret.

Stubborn as a Taurus:

This man is STUBBORN!!!

True to his Taurus nature, once Cole has made up his mind about something, it’s hard to get him to see things differently.

In an argument, this can be both a strength and a challenge.

He stands firm on his beliefs and will defend his point of view with solid determination, not backing down.

This stubbornness can sometimes make it difficult for him to compromise or admit when he’s wrong.

Protective of the Relationship:

OKay so yes he's stubborn and irrational at times BUT...

Even in the heat of an argument, Cole is deeply protective of the relationship.

He hates the idea of anything coming between you two, so he’ll avoid saying hurtful things that could cause lasting damage.

No swearing here pls!!

If the argument escalates, you might notice him taking a deep breath, his voice softening when he finally speaks, as if to remind you both that you’re on the same team here.

Physical Reassurance:

While words might be harder for him in the midst of a disagreement, Cole instinctively reaches out to you, whether it’s holding your hand, gently placing his hand on your shoulder, or simply staying close by.

He believes that physical touch can help bridge the gap when emotions are running high, and he hopes that these small gestures will convey that he still cares deeply, even when you’re both upset.

This man's love language is definitely physical touch, i could talk about it all day.

Long Drives to Clear His Head:

The rarer times, when an argument gets too intense, Cole might suggest taking a break.

He’ll often go spent time with his friends or go for a long drive to clear his head, giving both of you time to cool down.

He’s not walking away from the problem but rather trying to come back with a clearer perspective.

He’ll text you something like, “I just need a minute, but I’m not going anywhere,” to reassure you that he’s still committed to resolving the issue, but just not right now.

A Soft Apology:

I cant lie but Cole isn’t the type to apologise right away, especially if he feels strongly about his position.

However, after he’s had time to reflect, he’ll come back with a heartfelt apology if he realises he was in the wrong.

His apologies are quiet but sincere, often accompanied by a simple “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” and he’ll make it clear that your feelings matter more to him than being right.

Rebuilding with Care:

After the argument, Cole is all about mending things slowly and carefully.

He’ll suggest doing something together that you both enjoy, like watching a movie or going out for a meal, as a way to reconnect.

He’ll be extra attentive and affectionate, making sure you feel loved and valued, reinforcing that the argument hasn’t shaken his commitment to you.

my conclusions: overall I think Cole truly takes arguments seriously. It might shake him up a bit but he is emotionally intelligent enough see them as opportunities for you to grow closer together. After things have calmed down, I definitely see him want to talk about what happened—not to rehash the argument, but to understand how to avoid similar conflicts in the future. He feels a sense of responsibility. Once he's committed, he's all in. Deeply invested in making the relationship stronger, he always wants to learn from such moments to become a better partner to you.

AHHHH i wanna cry🥹

[burningvelvet]

excerpts from lord byron’s letters that read like tumblr posts from the 1800s

(diary version: https://www.tumblr.com/burningvelvet/708562718092836864/random-excerpts-from-lord-byrons-diaries-that)

“We of the craft (poets) are all crazy. Some are affected by gaiety, others by melancholy, but all are more or less touched.”

“Remember me to yourself when drunk. I am not worth a sober thought.”

“Why I came here, I know not; where I shall go, it is useless to inquire. In the midst of myriads of the living & the dead worlds — stars, systems, infinity — why should I be anxious about an atom?”

“I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone.”

“I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.”

“I do not believe in any religion. I will have nothing to do with immortality. We are miserable enough in this life without speculating upon another.”

“Venice and I agree very well - in the mornings I study Armenian, and in the evenings I go out sometimes - and indulge in coition always.”

“The great object of life is sensation — to feel that we exist, even though in pain. It is this ‘craving void�� which drives us to gaming — to battle — to travel — to intemperate but keenly felt pursuits of every description, whose principal attraction is the agitation inseparable from their accomplishment.”

“If I could always read I should never feel the want of company.”

“When I am ill or unlucky I philosophize as well as I can.”

“Cant is so much stronger than cunt.”

"I have such a detestation of cant ... that I make myself appear rather worse than better than I am."

“There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything.”

“Letter writing is the only device combining solitude with good company.”

“I can never get people to understand that poetry is the expression of excited passion, and that there is no such thing as a life of passion any more than a continuous earthquake or an eternal fever. Besides, who would ever shave themselves in such a state?”

“Why should Queens not be whores? every Whore is a Quean.” [Context: 1. Queen Caroline was being tried for adultery 2. “Quean” was another word for “prostitute”]

“But what is Hope? Nothing but the paint on the face of Existence; the least touch of truth rubs it off, and then we see what a hollow-cheeked harlot we have got hold of.”

“To be perfectly original one should think much and read little, and this is impossible, for one must have read before one has learnt to think.”

“I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it.”

“I think the worst woman that ever existed would have made a man of very passable reputation. They are all better than us, and their faults such as they are must originate with ourselves.”

“I should, many a good day, have blown my brains out, but for the recollection that it would have given pleasure to my mother-in-law.”

“Hate is by far the greatest pleasure; men love in haste, but detest in leisure.”

“Like other parties of the kind, it was first silent, then talky, then argumentative, then disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogethery, then inarticulate, and then drunk.”

“In the last two years I have been at Venice, I have spent about five thousand pounds, and I need not have spent a third of this, had it not been that I have a passion for women which is expensive in its variety every where, but less so in Venice than in other cities.”

“I am so changeable, being everything by turns and nothing long, – I am such a strange mélange of good and evil, that it would be difficult to describe me.”

[on a lover, Margarita Cogni] “I forgot to mention that she was very devout, and would cross herself if she heard the prayer-time strike — sometimes when that ceremony did not appear to be much in unison with what she was then about.”

[on his future wife] “I am quite irresolute — and undecided — if I were sure of myself (not of her) I would go — but I am not — & never can be — and what is still worse I have no judgement — & less common sense than an infant — this is not affected humility…”

“I was the fashion when she first came out; I had the character of being a great rake, and was a great dandy — both of which young ladies like. She married me from vanity, and the hope of reforming and fixing me.”

“I read ‘Glenarvon,’ too, by Caro Lamb — God damn!”

"I have seen three men's heads and a child's foreskin cut off in Italy.”

“What could I do? – a foolish girl – in spite of all I could say or do – would come after me... I could not exactly play the Stoic with a woman who had scrambled 800 miles to unphilosophize me.”

“I have fallen in love, which, next to falling into the canal (which would be of no use, as I can swim), is the best or the worst thing I could do.”

(on the possibility of spies being sent for him during the Greek Revolution) “If these Gentlemen have any undue interest and discover my weak side — viz — a propensity to be governed — and were to set a pretty woman or a clever woman about me — with a turn for political or any other sort of intrigue — why — they would make a fool of me — no very difficult matter probably even without such an intervention. But if I can keep passion — at least that passion — out of the question (which may be the more easy as I left my heart in Italy) they will not weather me with quite so much facility.”

[on a Venetian lover, Marianna Segatti] “I am sure if I put a poniard into the hand of this one, she would plunge it where I told her, — and into me, if I offended her. I like this kind of animal, and am sure that I should have preferred Medea to any woman that ever breathed.”

[in response to a fan letter] “You tell me that you wished to know me better, because you liked my writing. I think you must be aware that a writer is in general very different from his productions, and always disappoints those who expect to find in him qualities more agreeable than those of others; I shall certainly not be lessened in my vanity, as a scribbler, by the reflection that a work of mine has given you pleasure; and, to preserve the impression in its favour, I will not risk your good opinion, by inflicting my acquaintance upon you.”