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soulidarity · 7 months

Note

Rafayel and reader did that it was readers first time but in the morning she gets up early she had an important class so she leaves and she forgets to text Rafayel and Rafayel would feel very anxious?!? Idk if it makes any sense

left alone

hurt/comfort | rafayel x mc / reader | 694 words

as she opened her eyes, she was greeted by a purple tuff of hair on her chest. her face softened as she played with it for a moment, remembering the events of last night. it had been such a meaningful experience. wanting to thank him with breakfast, the girl started getting up, careful not to disturb her partner.

as she checked her phone, she realized the time. she was about to be late for work. quickly getting dressed and leaving a goodbye kiss, she made her way out of the artists house.

a few hours later, the lemurian woke up, feeling unusually cold as he realized where this lack of warmth was coming from. he turned around and saw that his bed was empty as he recalled everything that had happened.

had she really just left him? used him? was that all she wanted from him? everything that their relationship had been building up to be up until this point was for nothing?

As the tall man stood up and looked over his house for any sign of his partner, he grew even more disappointed, but not of her but of himself. had he not been enough? if she just wanted that type of relationship, she could've said so. he just wanted her in any way he could. even if it was at his expense.

the day went on, and he laid on his bed. time moving fast, but he paid no mind to it. maybe thomas had called him a couple of times, it couldnt have been anything important since he didn't burst through the door while scolding him.

he tossed and turned in the bed, her scent surrounding him, making his chest tighten. After a bit, he fell asleep again.

"...yel"

"...fayel"

"Rafayel!"

He turned around as he woke up, taking in his surroundings.

"Did you sleep all day? Thomas texted me saying he couldn't get in touch with you."

"So you pay attention to Thomas' texts but can't even leave me a note?"

"What? What do you mean-?"

"You left me."

Her teasing smile dropped as it dawned on her what she had done.

"Oh my god I... Rafayel I swear it wasn't like that"

"It's fine," he interrupted, sitting up on the bed and looking down. "If you... want to see me in that way and only in that way... It's fine, just please..." Strong hands held her wrists. "dont leave me."

Both of them sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, the clock on the wall seemingly unmoving.

At the lack of response, the lemurian looked up to see her holding back tears. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I just left you there! And you're just... accepting it?!" She shook off his hold and stepped off the bed.

"Why are you getting angry at me?"

"Im not angry at you, Yel. Im angry at myself. What happened last night was really special to me and I really wanted- want to thank you. But I woke up late and Tara had been calling me so I ran to work. I am... truly sorry."

He stood up, chuckling at her tear stained face.

"It's okay, my love." he caressed her cheek, her hands quickly flying to hold his. "It's not. You've told me countless times how scared you are of me leaving, and it feels like I continue to make that fear come true. And I'm really sorry... I... wish I could give you what you're looking for-"

Her rambling was interrupted by soft lips pressed against hers. It lasted a few seconds before he pulled away.

"I should really buy you a lip balm" her mouth was slightly open in bewilderment as he chuckled.

"It's really okay. Both of us need to work on our things. You should be better at letting me know when you have to leave, and I should be better at letting you leave. As much as I wish to have you for myself, you have responsibilities, and you love your job, I can't take you away from it."

"To make it up to you, how about I make dinner?" she smiled.

-----------------------♡☆♡------------------------

thank you so much for the request! english isnt my first language so i apologize for my mistakes.

#love & deepspace #love and deepspace #rafayel #rafayel x reader #otome

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ghoulysaphomet · 3 months

Text

Trans Jason AU ft. Timmy supportive bestie #1

so like in my head jason finds out... by reading a book. and he's very young at this point. then when he's made robin he's like huh this is.. this is comfortable. i feel comfortable in my skin parading around as robin being perceived as a boy.

and so he finds that book again, but he walks into another boy in the library and the boy drops some stuff so jays like oh im sorry!! and helps him and its tim. tims like oh, its fine...? and jason, without really thnking about it, introduces himself as Jason.

tim knows jasons birthname bcs he's robin, but he doesn't comment on it.

later they meet in school and tims like oh hey jason and jays like slightly panicked bcs oh shit he knows he lied and he drags him away to a secluded corner and tims like ?? sorry, are you okay? and jays like ??arent you..arent you angry at me? for lying to you? isn't it weird that.. i pretended to be a boy when we hung out?

"did you? pretend?"

"...."

"dont you care?"

"not really? i dont care if you're a boy, a girl or a dragon"

and jason just starts kinda crying bcs he'd been feeling so guilty and its a relief to hear

but yeah i kept thinking abt it......jay talks to jim abt going to africa before he does, bcs.. he just wants to meet shelia. and he asks tim if he could be there for him when he comes back, because he wants to come out to his family but he's scared. tim promises he'll be there, and regardless of the outcome he'll always support jay

(jay doesn't come back. he doesn't come out. and so at the funeral, tim makes the promise to honor him, the real him.)

he makes a grave, a secret grave.

he becomes robin. he never forgets.

and then... the red hood comes to gotham. a powerful, smart and violent crime lord. tim doesnt care all that much though bcs he sees the people the man targets and he doesnt actually mind it, he thinks he might even be good for the alley (he will still keep his eye on it).

then the sensors at jasons grave is triggered and tim ofc goes to check it out. hes surprised that the red hood is there.

"i was wondering if you'd show up" he says. it's quiet, then accompanied with the hiss of a helmet.

tim drops his staff when hood turns arround bcs.. bcs thats jason.

"are you real?"

"you grew tall" and tim just collapses in jasons arms and jason whispers into his hair

"thank you. for mourning me."

#jason todd #dc #batman #tim drake #trans jason todd #trans jason my beloved #robin #the red hood

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c0rpseductor · 4 months

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have to explode about this somewhere or i simply will not make it

i am so fucking mad at my mom. i realize in isolation everything happening recently is totally innocuous and normal, it's just like. in context that it hurts.

i hate that she's sick with Probably Covid and asking me for a bunch of extra favors. i had to wash her a cup for water because she didn't feel good the other day, yesterday i had to do her laundry, today i had to cook for her. if this were like, between anybody else it would be fine. it's just like. agh

i feel so angry that she wants me to take care of her and i've ALWAYS taken care of her and i always feel like she just does not give a fuck about my most basic needs beyond "well, lestat's not dead!". it makes me feel ungrateful because i know she does nice stuff for me sometimes too, it's just like, it hurts when i always hide when i'm upset and barely ask her for anything even when i'm in such bad physical pain that i can't function. like most of the time if i'm too unwell to make something to eat i just go without food. i don't like asking her for things and i always feel like there's a limit to how often i can ask for her help, and that i have to be careful to mostly be a kind of pleasant background decoration that never imposes on her.

i always had to be her mom, ever since i was a kid. even when i was little she wasn't consistent and would berate me or get angry with me for just, like, being a kid and wanting or needing stuff. meanwhile i've always been like her little stuffed animal to talk to when she's sad. she always acted like she loves me so much and we're so close but mostly like i'm a possession of hers. i just like. i dont know. im so hung up on when she was drinking and high on coke and she said to me like, "oh id much rather just have a roommates relationship with you instead of being like mother and son." explains much about like, my Entire fucking childhood!

and then she takes credit for how i've turned out as if she raised me, like, i feel like not only did i raise myself but i'm raising her half the time trying to explain basic things about emotional regulation and hereditary mental issues and shit, being the first person she comes to for everything, always having to calm her down or support her when she's venting when i KNOW i can't rely on her in the same way or tell her any of the really challenging issues i have, like just. it's not fair. it's so tiring. materially i am very grateful that she is willing to let me stay with her and that she understands i'm disabled and can't work right now and tries to still help me live a comfortable life (and, cynically, i feel that she's kind of okay with me being in this kind of bad position as long as i don't leave), i know i'm lucky to have food and shelter and things like that.

i just like. man i don't know. i feel like i've been holding this back for days because i just fucking feel like it's so unfair that whenever mom feels bad i'm Favors Boy and i can be expected to do anything for her that she wants, but when i feel bad it's like, locking myself in the bathroom trying to cry quietly enough that she won't notice to clean off blood after cutting, or holing up in my room with a migraine and having to drag myself out of bed to use my Very Little Energy to make myself coffee or get water and then not being able to eat because im too tired to make myself anything substantial and god forbid i ask her, and then after i have my bad episode she's like Hey so i know you have a bad leg and stairs make it worse but i dont like taking out the trash so can that still be your job. it's not like the front steps are even THAT bad it's just like, ok, im so glad you thought about my limp. of course she wouldnt though it's literally her fault my leg is so fucked up and when i went to the hospital for it way back when and it didn't turn out to be a broken bone she was all like haha i told you so! and then laughed at me when i tripped and fell on my crutches coming home. she just does not give a fuck. but ohhhh lestat would you mind feeding me like a baby bird.....your poor old mother is so sick and feeble.....

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dragon-queen21 · 4 months

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HI ! back again, im sorry for the lack of closure of my last ramble, i was going through it and just couldnt write anymore (im fine now!) i apologize for that and all the typos. i didnt get to re-read it before i submitted it.

-Im actually half hispanic too! twins! but your right, i can definitely see ace being pretty good at spanish, and luffy knowing a selective amount. luffy can hold a conversation but hes not going to start speaking it fluently out of nowhere. all his crew can speak the same language, and robin is always there if someone else doesnt speak what they are, so he definitely wouldnt have as much practice as if he were still living in the goa kingdom.

-kinda odd hc but for some reason i also feel like spanish would be his first language considering his island would be located in brazil and then he was taught english by maybe garp? or makino? (or would it be japanese? sorry i watch in dub) and shanks was the one who taught him more of eng/jp (like slang, nicknames, etc) and ge eventually just picked it up more and like you said his spanish got really rusty

-imagine that when ace luffy and sabo were kids luffy tried to teach them eng/jp. it was actually going pretty good until the 3 of them started spurting out pirate lingo when garp was around.

now fast forward imagine little luffy with ace and luffy starts trying to teach ace eng/jp and ace is pretending to learn it all again to make him happy aweeeee

-Now back on captain smoker, luffy somehow gets smoker to carry him or hold his hand (the fear of being alone is insane) and smoker is PRAYINGG his men dont find him. theyd totally tattle on him

imagine luffy getting upset because they cant find his crew and smoker is trying his boy scouts best to calm him down. smoker is sweating BULLETS on the hunt for these strawhats (all of a sudden when he needs them theyre not causing a rucus) (smoker ends up getting luffy like candy or something to try and chill him out)

smoker gives luffy back to the crew and theyre all debating whether or not to tell smoker that luffys actually a baby right now (they end of giving him their gratitudes and booking it for the time being, knowing luffy, theres gonna be a next time.)

-i also wanna drop what if shanks were with luffy if he were regressed? how would that come about? maybe luffy regresses after not seein shanks for ten years and shanks is just like “this checks out” and treats him how he used to ? him and shanks’ crew all just chill with little luffy, i find that ADORABLE. (luffy and usopp regress together on the red force and yasopp gets to treat his son, like the child he left banchina with) (sorry im a believer that usopp doesn’t absolutely HATE his dad)

-babyspace luffy being babied by shanks (and the crew) because everyone in the one piece world just KNOWSSSS dragons a dead beat, and theres no way garp coddled this kid HE WOULDNT BE SEEN DEAD

wow can you believe this and my last submission was supposed to be about sanji? luffy stole the spotlight

okay this is getting way to long i fear, but thank you for continuing to read and answer my rambles, i mean when i say that it means a lot to me. and in your last-last reply to me, im happy that i can make your day. i hope these continue to do so. thank you so much🤍

and i wanna say this, dont ever feel that you need to answer my asks, i understand that i write a lot, i dont ever want to overwhelm you.

📷

Eh first of all,don’t worry about any typeos, have you seen my writing even proof reading I struggle man ;-; I’m just glad you’re feeling better <3

Second; eyyy twins!!! :D

~Mkay but I will raise you one, Luffy ‘teaching’ Ace swear words and then being like “bu’ you can’t say those cause den Sanji and Nami get angry if you says.”

“trying his boy scouts best”

<- XD I love that. Poor guy. The ONE time not a single thing is happening anywhere!

~Smoker offering to buy Luffy cotton candy when he sees a sweets stand, only has the regressor crying more, babbling something about a… Chopper??? And he’s so confused. Kids like candy. What the heck?!

~ I can imagine meeting up with Shanks and a conversation going something like this.

“Uh captain, you aren’t wondering what’s happening to Luffy or if this is like- a devil fruit affect?”

Shanks meanwhile with a toddler regressed Luffy clinging to his side

“Nah, seems normal to me”

~Usopp would definitely be shy around his father. Sticking towards Luffy and following his lead.

~Let Luffy be spoiled! He needs the love and attention that he gives others.

“Luffy stole the spotlight”

<- As he often does. You know I started a fic with Nami and Usopp and it slowly just evolved to just start focusing on Luffy. It just can’t be helped sometimes :3

I love answering these! I literally got home and was like :0 :D new message!! They don’t overwhelm me at all. As long as you’re okay with me taking a couple days to respond :3

<3<3<3

#mayliz rambles #one piece agere #anime agere #age regression headcanons #fandom agere #age regression #sfw agere #agere headcanons #📷 anon

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ao3isthehomogod · 2 years

Text

I'm Sorry

Days, months, years?

Lance couldn't tell. It had felt like forever he had stood in front of that pod. That horried pod he refused to take his eyes off of.

"your an idiot, a fucking idiot."

Lance's words felt like daggers in Keith's heart. But he had to understand where the paladin was coming from.

"Seriously this sucks man, I mean this really sucks"

Lance has every intention of sounding angry, but the cracks in his voice and the way is hands trembled while applying pressure to Keith's bare chest was a dead give away.

He was terrified

"L-lance...i'm sorry"

His voice was raspy and unclear, but Lance heard every word.

"No- no we are not doing this."

"We are not having that sappy near death conversation right now."

"You're going to be fine. We'll get you in a pod, e-everything w-w-ill be f-fine"

Lance was surpised it took himself this long, but now he finally broke, hiding his face in Keith's hair.

"-ance?"

Keith tried, he tired so hard, but-

"L-lance..i'm -ired"

The blue paladin shot up, immediatly pressing harder on Keith's wound that was now bleeding profously.

"no- no no no, Keith! Buddy I need you to stay awake! Help will be here soon I-I promise but-"

His voice broke

"please, don'-"

"don't d-do this..."

Their eyes met, both filled to the brim with tears. But Keith's started fluttering.

"-im -orry...Lance."

His eyes closed, and Lance felt his heart stop there and then.

"no! Keith please!"

sob

"p-please d-dont do -is"

another sob

"HELP! SHIRO!? HUNK PIDGE?"

sob

"ANYONE! PLEASE"

sob

"p-please"

He held Keith tight; staring at his pale, sweaty, and nearly lifeless face. And holding back the desperate scream that clawed at his throught, causing him to wimper.

"im so sorry Keith"

"-nce"

"ance!"

"LANCE"

Lance shot up and let out a gasp

"God! Lance you scared the quiznak out of us!"

In an instant Lance felt Pidge's arns around him in a comforting way.

"That must have been one heck of a dream that it kept you that deep asleep. Weve been trying to wake you up for doboshes" -Coran

Lance blinked a couple times, still not fully adjusted to his surroundings. Thats when it hit him.

"Keith-"

His eyes fell on the still occupied pod in front of him. He let out a sigh. There still laid the boy, Keith.

The very boy he held in his arms as he felt his heart stop. Keith...stop.

And just like that, he felt himself crying again.

"H-hey Lance? Whats wrong?" - Hunk

The yellow paladin followed the others gaze to the pod and sighed.

"Lance I know you're worried, we all are but-"

Hunk paused, unable to find the right words.

Just then,

swish

When Lance looked up his heart speed up.

Kieth!

It all happened in slow motion.

Keiths limp body falling from the pod

Lance nearly tripping in his immediate response

And Lance feeling his entire being crumble as his body collided woth Keiths.

The sound of his beating heart comfirming Lance's nightmares to be false.

"Lance..?"

sob

"H-Hey buddy.." "How are you?"

silence

"I-I'm alright, I little sore...how long have I been in there?"

Lance hugged him tighter if even possible.

"About 15 quintants" -Coran

Keith sighed

"Well that explains it..." -Keith

The red paladin brought his gaze back to the boy in his arms.

"Lance?"

sob

"Woah Lance!"

"Hey whats wrong?"

Lance snuggled in the crook of Keith's neck.

"Hey, not that I dislike you hugging me...but your squeezing me really tight."

Lance immediatly lossened is grip. He chuckled nervously.

"Sorry man..guess I got a little carried away"

The rest of the team read the room, decideding-

"We'll give you two a minute" -Shiro

Then they left.

sob

Kieth's attention turned back to the boy in front of him.

"Lan-"

"i'm sorry"

sob

i'm so sorry if I had jus-"

His sentance was interrupted by Keith gently putting his arms around him.

"No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through that"

Lance crumbled and sobbed into Keith's hair. Finding comfort in how much more healthy and warm Kieth had felt from the last him he held him in his arms.

Eventually, they both fell asleep. With the ressurance that the other was safe, and that everything would be okay again.

#voltron #klance #keith kogane #lance mcclain #lance voltron #keith voltron #klangst #angst #major character death #major character injury #lgbtq #fanfic #klance fanfiction

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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That post str Harutaka angst hurts my heart a little but I do want it

HEH. CONFLICT IS SO FUN OKAY. haruka and takane get along too well i need a little something to have fun with.... also thank u for sending this im totally using it as an excuse to talk about it. i went crazy in this ask sorry

ok. i KNOW forward by winterhats exists...... and thank god it does 🙏in case u havent read it erm read it. thats like harutaka content 101... not to spoil stuff but something about haruka not telling takane abt his condition Does take place in that fic. but the thing with that fic is haruka has no memories.... (post str no memory haruka is a concept i was never a fan of bc it doesnt rly make sense to me?? Still love forward though🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏) SO IM THINKING OF a canon situation with haruka remembering fine yknow...

logically i think takane would be sad rather than angry once finding out. also she'd hear it from shintaro who is the only one who knew, aside from kenjirou but he's x_x post str💔 so shintaro it is. also it's such a shintaro thing to do isnt it?? accidentally mention it to takane or assume she knew and realise he messed up like, way too late. like he already said it like 5 times before he realised takane is asking him to repeat it so many times precisely because SHE DIDN'T KNOW

like i said i think its kinda a fragile thing because God its so sad. how could u even get mad at someone for choosing not to say they're dying. so yeah logically takane Would be mostly sad about both the sad reality haruka was living AND how she wasn't told, because to her it means haruka didnt trust her or maybe felt he couldnt count on her.

im abt to overanalyse: personally from a writing point of view i think the reason haruka doesnt tell takane is because headphone actor was already written and the narrative where takane doesnt know was already there. haruka's 1 year to live thing was written a lot after, with over the dimension. but besides that: from a character standpoint, of course haruka wouldn't tell takane. she is the last person he wants to worry and the one he wants the most happy memories with. and something important about haruka and takane's relationship is the fact neither knows much about each others conditions. in both their povs upon introducing each other to the audience, they both explain their illnesses briefly. they both say "i havent asked much". to me its always been about haruka and takane deeply relating to each other about people feeling sorry for them. so they dont owe each other the explanations theyre so used to giving to others! so to me, haruka doesnt tell takane because 1.he doesnt want her to worry more than she already does 2.he wants to have happy memories of her 3. related to that, doesnt want her to look at him differently. she is the one person who gets it. if he were to come clean abt it, he'd lose it. besides, haruka tells shintaro by the time he's like. LOSING HIS MIND and really deeply depressed abt the situation. kenjirou also knows... but haruka's father could've told him since its mentioned they used to be colleagues. personally i think haruka told him himself, since he also mentions kenjirou is the only adult he's ok sharing stuff with, so in a way its implied if ur delusional like me.

erm. anyways. i got a little sidetrack IM GONNA GET TO IT OKAY its just, haruka's dying words for takane man. don't cry anymore, you're gonna meet so many new people, etc. he basically tells her he is just 1 person in the long long life he assumes she will have. theyre best friends, he knew takane would mourn him terribly and thats why he thinks all that stuff he cant actually tell her.. augh haruka's goodbye to takane always gets me so so badly. bc he KNEW... like, ene lives in so much regret for not telling haruka how she felt but haruka died knowing she loved him. even if he didnt know it was romantic, he still knew she loved him :( i was going somewhere with this. (pacing around my room) oh yeah. his dying words. haruka doesn't convey all this to takane while he has the chance because of the stuff i said before but the most important was number 3. he doesnt want takane to look at him differently. plus everything he says while he is dying... god id post the whole screenshot. but he says "dont get mad at anyone but me" "please dont cry anymore" "im so sorry youve given me so much and i couldnt give back" he... doesn't Want to see takane upset. he knows she will be upset anyway but its like. at least he wont be around to see it, in a way. we could see this as kind of selfish but like The guy's dying come ON. i think he has the right to do that. lol.

WELLLL COMING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL APPROACH LMAO.. takane finding out post str....... i went on that tangent to defend haruka precisely cuz i dont think takane would be genuinely mad. its a tricky situation and its not like she can be like WELL BUT U KNEW AND U DIDNT WARN ME!?!?!?!? Like THAT IS a pretty lame position to take. HOWEVER. CONFLICT (PUTS HANDS DOWN) i think takane just needs to be mad

WHILE TAKANE WOULD BE MORE UPSET THAN MAD she IS also super impulsive. like insanely impulsive <- finds out she loves haruka and immediately runs for it even if it terrified her. so in the spur of the moment she blows up on haruka about it LOL like as SOON as she finds out. like i imagine she probably hears it from shintaro and like immediately leaves mid conversation to go find haruka and yell at him. that kind of thing.

and haruka's all like 😨😨😨 and he's stuttering cuz HE HAS AN ANSWER ABT WHY HE DIDNT TELL HER IT JUST SOUNDS RLY BAD LIKE "ERM I DIDNT WANT TO SEE U UPSET❤️" like in over the dimension haruka does get pretty nervous when takane starts pressing even if its as a joke. so especially with something so sensitive he has no idea what to do. i think he'd try to be all composed though bc its Post Str and idk str haruka is so. ethereal he is so calm isn't he. i think he would get nervous initially and then get himself together but ends up coming off as dismissive. so hes like i didnt tell you.....because i didnt want to❤️ and takane probably just needed to be mad for a little bit and was gonna get over it and be sad but hearing that just makes her so damn upset for realsies and haruka notices how she changed from😡 to 😐 and hes immediately like oh takane.... no... i didnt mean it like that...i just mean...OH DONT MAKE THAT FACE I DIDNT MEAN IT... and takane's like NOO DONT TOUCH ME WHATEVER IM LEAVINGGG unnecessary conflict in a romcom vibes

conflict probably lasts like. a day or something. a week tops. its harder for haruka than for takane. takane finds it a little refreshing i think its also cool to link it to all the other headcanons abt haruka being super desperate to be in company because erm Daze confinement gang🙏💥 while takane's a little like. i havent had a minute to myself in 11 days. so this distance actually helps her a little while haruka is like Hour 5 without my girlfriend I've cried so much i cant see anymore

they both feel like shit and do spend the time trying to see the situation from each other's perspectives though so takane realises she's being self centered and stupid and admits she just wanted to be angry and took it out on the first thing she could grasp at. but it was unfair. takane will apologize first and probably tells him she doesn't need or want him to "protect" her feelings and wants him to count on her from now onward. haruka's like *nod nod nod nod nod nod* and thanks her for apologizing. hed try to also apologize but takane doesnt accept it bc he wasnt wrong it was her who was unfair. hehe. i think he'd be crying so hard too bc to him its all these feelings coming back abt how he felt when he died and all the things he thought of telling her then. maybe he would tell her abt it, like i was thinking about all the people you'd meet and how u should be happy and not cry for me. and how in disbelief he still is that theyre together. sorry im. auauggagaggsgsggqgggg

all this just for me 2 enjoy the mental image of the little time in between where theyre awkward around each other and takane wants a little distance for a bit. i think itd be funny to see haruka being totally pathetic abt takane not paying attention to him. anyways. yeah. something like that i guess

#kagenalysis #headcanons #harutaka #ask tag

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raid3r-r4bbit · 11 months

Text

@fuzzydreamin thanks for the lol. ive been a little busy with life so sorry for the late response.

Favorite Color:

Green. Like Blindingly Neon almost yellow bile/acid toxic hazmat pukey green. Also black. I'm also a fan of earthy tones, warm greys and browns, rusty orangey reds, and i also unironically love that "some smoker lived here for 5+ years but i swear the walls are white" sepia color.

Last song:

Either Childish Flamingo or 1x1. I've been hopping in between really screamy and just goofy shit atm because i cant focus with anything else. 🤷 But (I also jsut got a new BMTH hoodie) BMTH's post human album has been feeding me. It's a really good (visual? no.) example of that like just angry and over it nihilist feeling and I just *MUNCH CRUNCH AAAA* like i feel like it could be just the tiniest bit angrier and louder but i think that's my headphones.

as for childish flamingo, its like that miseryxcpr thing imo. It's goofy and funny and it slaps. and it's so catchy. it's like right on the edge of aha funny and fuck you street and i love it. i hope any of that makes sense im sorry lol.

Last movie:

the Demon Slayer movie. I skipped all the way to the end to see the fight between Akaza and Rengoku because they're two of my favs ( in order from that show: Uzui (my mom calls yuzu (my cat) Uzui and its adorable) Akaza and Rengoku. I Found out the english dub is out (im way behind) and just needed to hear their english voice acting. all of it is amazing and Akaza's lil gigles during the fight make me incredibly happy. Guys who laugh/giggle mid combat? Ugh >\\x//<

Currently Watching:

Demon Slayer, Chainsaw man, Tokyo ghoul (im rewatching a bunch of animes) Steven universe. (i love all of these and full recommend them. I literally just yesterday(or the day before idk time is a blur) got a new funko pop, it's the half-kakuja kaneki and i love it.)

Other stuff i've watched this year:

Spy x Family, the Junji ito Collection, Yamishibai (if you like picture style art and horror this is great, its somewhat junji ito like, but shorter stories and ngl the zanbai ep scared me a bit) psychpass (some reccomended this to me cause im (obviously) a fan of darker more gruesome shows, and it is very dystopian, love the art work, but i just dont get it.) Given (if you havent watched this show please watch it its amazing) Yuri on ice, Banana Fish (also another fave)

(I work from home, and pretty much exist at my computer, and need to keep on music or tv to keep the bad thoughts out, so i have a lot of time and opportunity to watch stuff ok)

Shows I dropped this week:

Psycho pass. again, i just couldnt get into it. I know a lot of people seem to really like and it full seems like a show that would be up my alley. that first ep was kind of a lot though. I'm not ashamed to admit i love shows that are unafraid to show nudity and violence but the two together (ifykyk) make me uncomfortable. If this case had been a little further in the show i think it would have been fine, but it's litterally the first like ten minutes of the show. I also tried watching this a few week ago while at wasteland but we were pretty much just out the door.

Devil May Cry. I still love the games and the characters, and i remember loving the anime as a kid but its just... so different from the games lmao.

Currently Reading:

random internet stuff, fics and shit. I feel bad because i used to go to the library all the time but at the same time, i dont really have the room to store a whole bunch of books and despite being super dyslexic, i read insanely fast, so renting/buying books isnt worth it to me. (i've read entire full length series in the span of a day or two, while doing other stuff. I need longer, more conveniently packaged novels and that typically comes in the form of fanfiction. )

tagging: @snowmutant @ivanpahdrylakeracer @glaochormfitheach(idk if ur cool tagging you in this kinda stuff, if not just lmk i though it'd be fun :D) @the-soup-witch(im dragging you into tumblr culture whether you like it or not, welcome to tagging games)

#tagging game #tag game #I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO TAG THIS STUFF #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #how's that?

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by-glass-and-waves · 1 year

Note

oh dude dude what do you MEAN "sorry guys who are looking for delicious Courtship/Restart goodies" I LOVE DEPRESSION QUEST, and i love the fact that theres someone else out there that has a runaway narinder AU

the idea of a completely power hungry lamb who disregards narinder as a person is so uncommon, i dont think ive actually seen that dynamic played out in a story/hc tbh ??? so i am LIVING for this, it truly is the spice of life

n like letting him runaway n waits for him to come crawling back??? absolutely maliciously delicious content

but nARINDER OH NARINDER angry, break down, self imploding beloved!!! again there isnt enough completely broken down ISOLATED(emotionally) conceded narinders, so many au's have him conceded, but they always including the lamb trying to get him comfortable and okay, never narinder just being tolerated and treated like property or a trophy and i love that fucked up dynamic

i'd really love to know more abt baal and ayms place in the cult too, are they like mini trophies ? or are they just "eh another follower"

either way the idea of narinder self imploding to the point of complete isolation (running away) is such a good idea, im living for it !!! and the idea of a ratoo & narinder friendship from this has consumed my brain greatly, i love that idea i actually had a brain wave pic pop up in my brain, so i'll draw fanart of this AU later bc i adore it

WHOA I was at work and I was like "I got an aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" oh man I'm glad you really like the idea! I think I did see some fics like this (well not Narinder dips fics)

I will let you know that these qs making me go "wait hm this would fit into the AU better than my original ideas" so please bear with me!! at any rate omg aw thank you for loving these idees maybe I should just masterpost and mark spoilers for whatever comes to mind here also this is gonna be a long answer post pardon me

so spoilers for Depression Quest and Courtship I guess?

also trigger warning: depression, thoughts of self harm, mentions of mental breakdown

So this is me not reading cotl shit in like, literally months in order to try to preserve my headcanonideas like a loser but damn whoaaa I'm happy that you really like this AU

The initial idea actually did have just plain old Lamb being all okay bb i'll be here waiting for you when you ready I won't push you, I'll let you run away and live your life bb just want you to be happy uwu like they did want Narinder to love them back but they were fine with just making him happy and brought back the Bishops and stuff so they could reconcile but as said before, things didn't seem the same for them

Then as Courtship took form I kind of moved those kinds of feelings Lamb had to the new AU and really honestly removed them from the equation because I wanted to focus on Narinder and Getting Over It™ and just living his own fucking life instead

What did remain was Narinder's complete and absolute breakdown when he locks himself into the house they built for him and his eventual escape. Like goddamn, I was like this man needs to break

The amount of broken furniture, crying and screaming onto the floor and bed, throwing items at whoever manages to get into the house, laying down and staring at the ceiling in a catatonic state, etc

I liked the idea of him meeting other people and them remarking on his fallen status or having to hide his identity when interacting or going to public places and it's pretty much how I came up with the Ratoo encounter/friendship

Imagine Kudaai laughing when he requests a scythe and giving him the smallest, lightest one for his weak upper extremities

addendum: like after escaping he does get better like he runs into kudaai and gets scythe at least but he still sucks since his hands/arms more likely to spaz more when he exerts himself too much (aka combat)

Imagine Narinder trying to stay inconspicuous when he goes to Plimbo's stall at the Lighthouse, etc

Once the idea of resurrecting the Bishops came up around the time I started writing Courtship I kind of went, tbh Lamb would only do that to get Narinder back and then that idea of the Lamb just stuck

The Lamb knew where he was the entire time. The Lamb let him think he was finally free from them. The Lamb decided to uproot his life when he thought he finally found peace (by reintroducing his siblings) and from there the Lamb became the kind of famous hero/whatever who would 100% use Narinder as a trophy SO and show them off while he feels awful and drinks every night to cope

i'd really love to know more abt baal and ayms place in the cult too, are they like mini trophies ? or are they just "eh another follower"

So initial idea was that Baal and Aym weren't crazy about it but came around after Lamb invited Forneus for a visit, then they would be like yes Master should see how good Lamb is

Now thinking it over, it could have a good twist to it:

Baal and Aym think that Narinder should come around because Lamb is a good person and his life would improve

In this, his guardians become his jailers. They've become the ones most actively working for his "rehabilitation", and Narinder hates it because he knows it's another way for the Lamb to break him. He's thinking that it's their mortality that made them cave so easily.

Once Narinder makes it out, they want to make their presence known once they find him, but Lamb explicitly commands them not to until they say it's time. So they go and check on him and obvs this is stwess for Narinder since he feels like he's being watched

Still though, Depression Quest is more Narinder-based than Narinder/Lamb relationship-based because it's him trying to live in a new Lamb-ruled world while trying not to show off his shitty power level or something, Lamb didn't really pull up much once he gets out except for really sending Baal and Aym to keep tabs on him and maybe probably when the Bishops are resurrected but even then it's just like... there's still this kind of sad underlying everything.

So fun fact: a few of Courtship's ideas originated in Depression Quest! Such as the shared love for gardening/camellias by Leshy and Narinder, and the relationship/dynamic between Kallamar and Narinder. I don't know why but their relationship felt fucking devastating once I came up with it hence why I think Chapter 9/Kallamar's quest in Courtship has been my favorite to read and write so far.

Courtship and Depression Quest do share quite a few things, so I'm worried I might echo too much of the same shit should I actually come to write it. While writing out this answer I posted an unedited bit on a prototype for Leshy quest and you may see some parallels to the one for Courtship :o

the idea of a ratoo & narinder friendship from this has consumed my brain greatly, i love that idea i actually had a brain wave pic pop up in my brain, so i'll draw fanart of this AU later bc i adore it

pls show me when you done I want it I'm so glad you like it and yes Ratoo and Narinder friendship is one and only

I think there was more but it's like 2am and I have to wake up in like 3 hours and I think I should just do a fucking masterpost on these AUs

#cult of the lamb #cotl #fanfic notes #cotl courtship #cotl depression quest #tw depression #cw depression #tw self destructive behavior #cw self destruction #i spent too long writing this answer #i want to write #i want to doodle #i want to ideas...#i need to sleep

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goremet-chef · 1 year

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we're leaving for vacation today (its like 3 am rn) and i cant stop cryinh 😭😭 i had a bad dream about miko while i slept and shes fine obviously but like. im missing her and we havent even left yet

the cats will be alone for 5 days total, but my aunt is coming by 2 days in to refill their food and water and make sure theyre okay, so they WILL be fine but it still makes me sad

like.. what if something happens to miko while im not home? im not gonna enjoy this trip cuz im gonna be sad missing her the entire time. thats generally how it goes for me tho. i like the drive up to where we go and then i sit idle and want to go home again to see her

i just feel like... miko used to be my sisters cat, but my sister pretty much abandoned her like she does with all her cats (i.e. riley, he was her cat too and once my grandma rescued him from our childhood house, my sister never cared about getting him back)

because of that like. it made me cry thinking she was just alone all the time (worse now knowing shes mostly blind) and i dont ever wanna do that to her, i love her too much

i cant even trust my fucking family either. i was at my grandmas house for like.. a week or 2 since i was at out hometown fair to see my friends and when i came back to my house, yknow i insisted SEVERAL times to my mom please check on my cat make sure her food is full etc and you know what i came back to?

she had mold in her food bowl. i almost cried i was so fucking angry. they put WET FOOD in her bowl and then left it, and it molded over. she couldve gotten REALLY SICK and my mom was like "ohh calm down it was just for a day 🙄 shes fine" wet food doesnt mold in ONE DAY mf

i was so mad man.. like. i pretty much BEGGED you to take good care of her like how she deserves, and you spat in my face essentially

they dont understand that she is my entire world. they think im joking when i say that but im not. shes my best friend, shes the love of my life. i want her to be well fed and loved and taken care of, i dont want her to be alone

i just get scared like, what if she thinks im abandoning her like my sister did? thats what really scares me, i dont want her to ever think im not coming back because i always will, but you cant exactly explain that to an animal

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strawberryspeachy · 8 months

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I cant even wake up in time to go out for a fucking hour

Whatever curse is on me keeps getting worse. I’m so fucking exhausted all the time and every time i get excited for something its taken away or ruined

Its bad enough i dont have anyone and that i cant wake up or stay up for the prime time of going out

Which is why i moved to an area where most of my salary is spent on fucking existing here

But now i cant even wake up for one damn fucking hour of going out

But i wake up fully awake in time to see the clubs are JUST about to close and waste my fucking life away

I hate being me. I want to be dead so fucking bad.

Tell me why. When i put in so much effort and thought and try so hard to make my classes good.

Apparently junior high in private school suck. They know they dont need to do anything to pass right through the system so theyre little fucking dicks about everything

I guess the annoying high school kids at my last school were the ones that were passed on through middle school

And now middle school is the only job i can get for next year. I hate private school junior high

I loved them in public school. But my god. Dealing with kids who refuse to do the bare minimum and even pushing them to try results in them throwing a tantrum bc they always get their way (sitting around doing absolutely nothing while complaining about having to do something they signed up to fucking do)

Ive read this is what american schools have turned into and yeah. Its fucking exhausting. what’s the fucking point. You cant teach anyone

Youre not allowed to just ignore those shit kids - even if you try they disrupt the class. So you cant teach the ones who WANT to learn because you have to teach to the dumbest kid in the class and no matter how low you go they go lower.

What’s the fucking point

Today in the advanced english class which the kids in the class CHOSE to be in - a girl i literally complemented so much last class because she did so well - and to other teachers commented how shes come so far from being super shy and on the verge of tears/crying at the beginning of the year - back to crying today

Crying because i asked her to speak english in the advanced english class that she chose to do saying she thinks ill be mad at her if she makes a mistake WHEN I NEVER GET ANGRY AT STUDENTS. LITERALLY NEVER. Meanwhile her homeroom teachers literally screams at them and guilt trips them all the time. But he’s a man. Even to the kids apparently theyre fine with being screamed at by men. But let me - a woman - tell them to do their work and its a fucking problem

Its so fucking stupid because it sounds like im leaving out half the story. Or that ive spun it to sound better. Or that anything. Like this isn’t the full story. But it fucking is and this kind of shit has me exhausted. I see why teachers are leaving in droves. From reading about the conditions i already understood but my god is it so fucking exhausting.

The class i see 3 times a week. Theyve been a pain in the ass since day one. My other classes teachers always try to steal - not this one. No one likes them. Its like pulling teeth to get them to do shit

Theyve been getting better. Theyve been really good recently. I felt like i finally got them somewhere. They were doing so well. But no. They didn’t improve. Its like a rollarcoaster. I go from the quietest worst at english boys volunteering to go to the front and do an improv skit in english and the whole class actively engaging and having fun

To the next class they act like they cant understand a single word i say. They wont speak and act like theyre being tortured by a simple actively

I dont have the fucking energy. I fully understand those days that my teachers would tell us “if you dont want to try then im not going to either. Just there in silence till the bell rings” as “one of the kids who are trying so im sorry to you but your classmates ruined it for you” having been that kid. I got it then but i really fucking get it now.

Like do you think i enjoy nagging you. Is it really the fun trying to explain something to a kid staring at their friend fully understanding what theyre supposed to do and being entirely capable of it but deciding its more fun to make fun of the teacher in front of their face while pretending you cant understand

And i just have to pretend you really cant understand and keep trying.

Like im not their only english teacher. They have other english classes. Theyve been taught how to read. Theyve learned grammar up to “if you could fly what would you do” “i would…” they fan make sentences and understand at the level of a preschooler. And telling them to talk about a topic that they like - i know they can have conversations in english. Theyve done it many times. Tell them to do it and use their new grammar- cause thats my class - using the fucking shit they’ve learned beyond textbook shit

No all of the third years this week refusing to say anything more than “nice” “yea” “oh really” “i like” “oh mhm”

I’ve always thought school needed reformed. There was no reason that i should have been so stressed out all the time over school. I still believe that. But i know the world deciding to make school a fucking joke where no kid fails. You cant make them do anything. You cant punish them. Its not to make the learning environment better. Its to make a bunch of fucking idiot adults who cant critically think, dont have any working knowledge of the world, have no desire to learn and dont know how to teach themselves, and think that theres no repercussions for their actions so that when someone is unfairly targeted theyll just think “man they must have done something think REALLY bad”

The ones that WANT to learn. That try hard. Theyre honestly so far and few between and theyre punished for it. Why try hard when youre the only one who actually gets graded on your work. You work hard and get a B your classmates does fucking nothing and gets a C then the lazy one does ANYTHING and ya gotta encourage them to keep doing that so they get an A. They suck at school(refuse to try) so they should get rewards for literally anything else so they dont feel bad about themselves

Ridiculous. It sucks that the worlds gonna get stupider. The current school children are gonna be stupider than boomers. And the fact that they have no rules… at least old people to in trouble all the time as kids and were forced to be respectful to others and understand repercussions.

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dreadedinsights · 8 months

Text

As mmy world caves in

Dk Maaram kun mag aano ako Kay han hadi na pause kase ako utro ha vss. Tas shakey na ba akon grounds na duroy la pagod nga di hya nakaka intindi Nak gn aabat plus hya guol ghap syempre pag take care amon baby. Plus mga huna huna la nga nag bbiling akon iba

A month before hiya na priso actually Dre na ako nakaka intindi ngan Dre na ako Maaram anot natatabo hit am kalibutan. Pati ako Dre ako Maaram aanhon ko tanan na pareho kami mama upay ha kada tagsa. Pag gawas niya prisohan happy ako hadto Kay mismo akon birthday hya Naka gawas., pero Maaram ka waray pa ako makag sumat ha iya na mayda ako dako na pag dumot ha iya nga tikang pag gawas niya waray pat Nam pag Istoryahan.

I wasn't able to tell him na I'm actually angry Kay once again he took us to rock bottom. Nag ttuok ako kada gabe ha mga oras na Tika turog ako Kay hiya tak na iisip ngan baby . Iinisip ko how come we've hated each other so much well in fact we were inseparable. Before pa umabot Nam baby we were to be with each other. But why is it so hard now? IM Sorry pebs ha imo pa talaga ako nakag vent out. I have never talked to anyone about how I feel yet. And I am glad you asked. Kay adi naliwat ako hit akon thoughts na I wanna kill myself pero that would be selfish of me to do. If I leave my kids. But I am so tired na pebbie trying to make everything seem Fine, I'm tired smiling at people who thinks I am okay, exchanging conversations with people who never even bothered to ask me if I am okay, they'd just pretend and benefit from me all over again, pretend to care when they dont. I just want to cry the hardest. And all of these things I'm saying doesn't need to happen only if he was open to understanding the tortures I have been through, I wouldn't feel this way if he'd see me and hear me differently. Dre Kay himoon ako niya as if I pag papalit ko hya ha iba, na bismag ka diano man an iya sayop ghap Han una bisan Mas masakit pasayloon, napasaylo ko pa. I can't ever do that Kay kun ha love la, sobra sobra pa ha love, pero sobra Tam hatred ghap and waray na respeto ha kada tagsa and Im loosing my faith na

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funke3 · 11 months

Text

good old days! (a short story)

"Leave it alone!" "Its already dead dude. We need food!" "You don't know that! Your sword isn't strong enough to one shot a Colkin!" "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right." "Told you! And now we have to go back to the beginning of the dungeon. God, Dirk, you're such a numbskull sometimes" "And sometimes, I cook a mean burger." "Speak of the devil, its lunchtime. I'd better get some food." Dirk leans back in his chair and sighs, "Just get your mom to make some Croccy Cuts." "You know I hate Croccy Cuts. They're always so wet when they're microwaved."

"Okaaay Sulmin. Have a good lunch." "Back on this dungeon same time tomorrow?"

Sulmin takes his blue-light glasses off and puts on his prescriptions. "Why not?"

Dirk falls backwards out of his chair, into his bed. He curls up in his sheets and hits the hay almost instantly. -5 YEARS LATER- "You fuckin hoe!" Dirk screamed at his team-mate, "Why the hell would you kill 'X-Zavir'?! He's the MVP! You're the-"

Dirk heard a knock on his door, "Oh, my food. You're off the team, by the way."

He walked over to the door, already pulling out cash for the delivery man. The delivery man knocked again, "I'm coming, man." He opens, holds out a 20 and a 10 bill. "Oh, sorry- we don't take cash sir." Dirk rolled his eyes, then looked like he had realized something. "Wha-?"

"Hm? Yeah we can't take it because-"

"You're... is your name Sulmin?"

"...Dirk?!" Sulmin started to cry, "Im so sorry... My mom sold my computer for rent back when we were 14..." "No- no its fine! Don't cry! Its not like I was angry at you, I- you- surprised me!"

"You're living in your own house now, I'm so glad."

Dirk looked back and held the doorway, "Psh... its not like I had a choice anyways."

"Your parents?"

"Cancer got to my dad. 2 years ago- I dont wanna talk about it."

"Its- yeah its fine."

An awkward silence stagnated until Sulmin bit his lip and said,

"So, do you have debit or credit?"

#writing #writers on tumblr #short story #friendship #friends reunion

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b4tasquad · 1 year

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waaiiiittt i wanna be in on this too

i am 5’6 and a ginger ( 😔 ) , i have lots of freckles ans also blue eyes , i wear big black glasses (so lowk im kind of giving that little kid from nemo who shakes the fish bags but i digress), and im australian idk do with that what u will but i felt it was a key piece of information

i dont really like sports , but when its on in front of me ill get pretty into it ( ive also been getting into football recently because one of my professors (who im in love with ) is a liverpool supporter and also i love trent alexander arnold but i dont really have a good understanding of it so i just sit there and watch and admire my husband so theres that )

i like to banter a lot but when it comes down to it i am really sensitive , like i can take jokes and vios but when i can sense someone is really seriously upset or angry at me i get really sensitive and will probably cry and shut down

i did well in school and now am studying eng lit and the fine arts majoring in film

i grew up with 3 sisters and only 1 man in my household so i am very competitive and a little petty

i love love love to read and i like cats and hate dogs

i get told alot my best trait is my humour but idk ab that one

also i have adhd idk

i think thats it idk what else to say really

thanku ! 😋

I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU LOVE TRENT 🤭🤭 PRETTY PEOPLE LOVEE HIM

why’d i say “Aj” so fast tho😭?? I don’t even know why but I legit pictured you with Aj without even thinking. Can’t even explain it but I just thought of so many scenarios.

Like him making jokes about you looking like that kid, and then you saying something about his height.

And whenever he’d be a bitch you wouldn’t take it and just not put up with his bullshit yk? And in the end he’d have to put aside his pride and apologize. Your dad would probably trauma dump to him about being the only man in the house😭

But yeah I could see Aj with a stubborn, but sensitive girl. He’d need someone to even it out, but also slap the attitude out of him when needed🤷‍♀️

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jamesbuchananxsteviegrant · 3 years

Text

I Pick the TV Show, Rogers Shuts His Cake-Hole | Bucky x Steve x Reader (Angst, Fluff)

Category: Angst, Fluff (Suggested) Age: 14+ Trigger Warnings: none, other than the standard explicit language Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Steve Snaps At Reader When He’s Stressed, Resulting In Her Being Very Upset Request: "can u write where steve/bucky is overwhelmed with something and when reader asks to help or is telling them to relax they snap at reader and reader is hurt which makes them feel really bad afterwards. thank you sm. i love ur writings. and this is anon right? is it alright if u dont post my response if its not anon? im sorry. thank you so much. ur blog always pictures great stucky imagines. 💗💗💗" Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 2,488

---

A given, the super-soldier had been on nonstop missions for the last month or so, but she thought she was helping him feel better, not making him feel worse.

“Would you like anything to eat, Stevie? You’ve barely moved all day.” (Y/N)’s voice is small. Quiet.

She’s leaning through the door of his study where he’s sat putting together his mission reports from the last three or four missions he’s been out on.

He shakes his head but doesn’t even turn to look at her.

Sighing, the woman walks further into the room where her boyfriend is slouched over the desk.

“You gotta take a break, Stevie.” She whispers, resting her hands on his shoulders.

She notices the way they tense up, but he still remains silent.

His fingers continue to write up his report on the laptop.

“I’m worried about you, Stevie; talk to me.”

“I’m busy, (Y/N).”

“I know you are, baby, but you’ve gotta look after yourself too.” She attempts, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. He pulls away.

The woman furrows her brows.

“Steve, please, you’ve got to-”

“(Y/N), just stop!”

The shout is sudden and it makes her flinch back away from the man as he turns to face her.

“I’m fine, alright?! I don’t need you babying me all the time!”

She doesn’t respond for a second, surprised at her lover’s outburst.

He says nothing more, simply turns back to the laptop and continues typing away.

“Steve, look how stressed you are. Can you please just-”

“STOP! Okay?! Just stop! Leave me the fuck alone while I finish these neverending mission reports. For once in your life can you just understand that not everything is about you?!”

(Y/N) swears that being shot in the heart wouldn’t hurt half as much as the words that just came out of the man’s mouth.

Her mouth opens and closes as if searching for the right words to say, but that hurt.

Is she really that bad? Is that the truth behind all of this? That she’s clingy? Thinks everything is about her? That was never her intention. (Y/N) is well aware of how important being an Avenger is. Hell, she is an Avenger, for Christ’s sakes.

She says nothing more and leaves the room.

She can’t even decide if she feels sad. No. She’s not sad, she’s not angry, she’s not… anything.

Numb.

Naturally, her feet lead her to their room. Steve’s room. They all basically share the super soldier’s abode since they all got together, but right now she doesn’t dare open the door.

Doing a full one-eighty spin, (Y/N) takes herself back to a place she barely touches anymore. Her room.

It’s pretty empty. Most of her clothes are in Steve’s room, in her own walk-in wardrobe. Her bed is perfectly made from the last time she slept in here - maybe a year ago?

The woman walks around her bed and straight onto her bedroom balcony, overlooking the lake at the back of the compound, and stays there. For three-hours. Until Bucky comes looking for her.

He came home from his mission about thirty-minutes ago only to find their shared room of Steve’s empty. He searched just about everywhere, completely clueless.

“FRIDAY, where’s (Y/N) and Steve?” He finally gives in.

“Captain Rogers is in study five, and Agent (L/N) is in her private quarters.”

Now that makes the brunet furrow his brows.

Why would (Y/N) be in her room and not his or Steve’s?

He prioritises finding (Y/N) first, knowing Steve will be writing up mission reports, no doubt.

Despite them being together for over six-years now, he hesitates when reaching for the handle of her bedroom door. Instead, the man opts to knock.

No answer.

“(Y/N)?” Nothing. “Doll, it’s me; can I come in?” Nothing.

Bucky tries the door handle and finds it unlocked, yet still hesitates.

“Baby?” He calls out. Again, nothing.

He’s cautious now. Scared.

Her room looks as untouched as the last time he saw it, which was a few months back when she was after one of her plushies.

“(Y/N)?”

It’s when he feels the chill of the midnight winds ruffle his hair that he realises her balcony doors aren’t fully closed.

Striding straight over, his eyes widen at the sight of his girlfriend curled up in the corner of the outdoor area, crying.

“(Y/N), baby, hey, what’s wrong?!”

Bucky immediately drops to his knees in front of the woman, reaching for her hands and gently tugging them away from her tear-stained face.

“(Y/N), doll, look at me.” His voice is gentle. Soothing.

She does almost instantly but her sadness stays.

“What happened, baby? Are you hurt?”

The fear and sincerity in his voice is enough to prompt the woman to shake her head. Yes, she’s hurting emotionally, but he needs confirmation that she’s not dying.

The woman immediately sees the relief take over his features, but he’s still concerned.

“What’s wrong, doll?”

Her eyes stray away from his, not wanting to tell him what’s got her so upset.

“Hey, no, look at me, baby,” He whispers, hand lightly grasping at her chin to raise her face back up to his. “What’s got you so worked up, (Y/N)?”

Another shake of her head as she tries to escape her lover’s hold.

“Baby, please, you’re scaring me.”

Her face contorts into something close to heartbreak as she wants nothing more than to reassure the man in front of her.

“It’s okay, Buck.”

“It’s not okay! Doll, I haven’t seen you cry since Stevie nearly died on that mission in Ohio like two-years-ago! Talk to me.”

She takes a deep breath and wipes her face of the shedding tears.

“Do you want me to get Stevie?”

The question is innocent and makes sense, but her eyes widen and she shakes her head desperately.

“No! No, please, no.”

That truly makes the super soldier concerned.

“Doll, please can you tell me what’s happened?”

Never in the last eight-years that Bucky and (Y/N) have known each other has she been so reluctant to see Steve.

Another sob escapes her and it’s breaking his heart.

“Baby, please.”

“Steve got mad at me, alright?!” She manages an attempted shout. “I just wanted him to look after himself.”

“What happened? What did Steve do?”

He’s concerned. Massively.

“I was trying to get him to eat; he hasn’t eaten properly in so long. He’s so overworked and he’s hung up on all these mission reports. He told me that not everything was about me - shouted at me; told me to stop.” She’s whimpering and sniffling again now. “Please get him to eat something, James.”

That last sentence is the one that crushes him. She’s upset, yeah, but above all that, she’s still worried about the blond super soldier.

“Come on, baby, let’s go to our room and get into bed, yeah? I’ll go and speak to Stevie.”

Her eyes meet his and she looks scared, but the ocean blue gaze that he returns makes her bound to his every command.

The woman nods.

“Okay.”

“That’s my girl.”

With the help of the Winter Soldier, (Y/N) manages to stand up, letting him lead her out of her private room and into their shared one of Steve’s.

“Here, let’s get you into your PJs, yeah?”

He doesn’t leave room for negotiation as he helps his girlfriend strip out of her casual dress and into one of his oversized t-shirts.

“You get snuggled up in bed, doll. I’m going to go and get Stevie, okay?”

He hates how she looks nervous at the mention of their other lover’s name.

“He loves you more than words can describe, baby girl, I promise you. He shouldn’t have lashed out at you, I’m gonna talk to him, okay?”

A hesitant nod and forced smile is enough for now.

“I’ll be back shortly, I promise.” He leans over and gives the woman a kiss on the lips, leaving her with one of her favourite shows playing on the TV.

“Bucky,” Her choked up voice calls out just before he leaves.

The man turns from his place in the doorway.

“I love you.”

The smile that takes over his expression is contagious.

“I love you too, baby girl. More than anything.”

Despite his reassurance to the woman, he’s pretty damn pissed for a number of reasons about Steve losing his cool with their girl. Reason number one being, how dare he? Reason number two being, he knows better than to overwork, yet here we are.

Bucky doesn’t even knock once he approaches the glass doors of the study where Steve is sat typing away on the laptop.

The blond doesn’t even glance up to see who entered. He barely heard the door open which enrages Bucky further.

The brunet slams the lid of the laptop shut without saying a word, prompting Steve’s head to shoot up, glaring daggers at whoever has interrupted him.

“What the fuck, James?!”

That makes Bucky really get annoyed.

“Are you serious right now, Rogers?”

“I’m in the middle of about seven different mission reports, Buck, I’ve gotta finish them.” The man sighs, going to open the lid of the PC once more, only for Bucky to hold it down. “James, seriously,”

“No. What you need to do is explain to me why our girlfriend has been crying for the last God-knows how many hours?”

That makes Steve snap back to reality.

“What? (Y/N) has been crying? Is she okay?”

Bucky literally rolls his eyes at that.

“Are you fucking serious, Steve?” He repeats, Steve looking confused, expression contorting as he realises that his boyfriend is seriously angry at him.

“Bucky, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

The Winter Soldier’s head lolls back as he groans in frustration.

“You seriously have no idea?” He asks, rhetorically, watching Steve look almost scared. “Do you often shout at your girlfriend and forget it happened?”

Cap’s eyes widen at that, and he visibly gulps.

“What?”

“She came in here to make sure you were looking after yourself, which you weren’t, by the way, and you tell her that not everything is about her?! Are you fucking stupid, Steve?!”

He remembers it all too well in that moment, turning his head down to avoid the frustrated glare of his male lover.

“No. No, you don’t get to look away from me. Look at me.” Bucky demands, watching the blond super soldier reluctantly do so. “I come home from my own exhausting mission, search for (Y/N) for thirty-minutes, and find her crying her God-damn heart out on the balcony of HER room; not our room, Steve, no. Her room.”

Steve’s heart shatters and his eyes widen once more.

(Y/N) hates staying in her room. She’d always be in his or Bucky’s without a doubt.

“I- Buck-”

Bucky shakes his head and stands back upright as Steve is lost for words.

“I’m not mad at you, Steve. I get it, you know? You’ve been overworking for the last month, I know you’re stressed, but fuck, baby, you can’t hurt her like that. Do you know how much my heart fucking shattered when I saw her curled up in the corner of her own God-damn balcony?! It tore me apart. She hasn’t cried since you nearly fuckin-” Bucky chokes on his own word as he walks away from his lover.

“I’m sorry! Buck, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have let Fury send me on that many missions, I- I should’ve said no. I’m sorry.” Steve attempts, standing up and following the brunet, turning him around to face him once more.

“It’s not me you need to be apologising to, Stevie.”

Captain America nods and leans up to press a kiss to the man’s lips.

“I’m sorry, James.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and forces a smile.

“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, I know you didn’t mean it, but I swear to God, if you hurt her again…”

Steve is already shaking his head.

“I wouldn’t dream of either of you getting hurt. Where is she?”

“Our room.”

He nods and begins heading toward the woman to which he owes more than he can give.

The door is half ajar when Steve gets there, he slowly opens it to reveal his girlfriend in all her glory, curled up under their Captain America themed duvet - which Sam bought the trio as a joke last Christmas. Her face is clear-as-day red from her earlier upset, and it breaks his heart.

The man knocks gently on the day as if not to startle the poor girl.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He offers a solemn smile when she turns to see who’s there.

He hates the way he can see her hesitation to speak to him as opposed to her usual squeal of his name, arms opening wide to welcome him into her cuddle-fest.

“Hi.” She manages, forcing her own smile.

There’s silence floating between them, the only sound being Jensen Ackles, in his role of Dean Winchester, talking a load of nonsense about pie on the TV that’s streaming Supernatural.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Steve manages, taking a step toward the bed. “Nothing can excuse the way I yelled at you, and I’m so sorry for that, but, sweetheart, trust me when I say I didn’t mean it. I was so stupidly stressed, and I should never have let it get to that point.”

She nods, truly believing his words, but it still hurt.

The blond sits down on the edge of the bed, not daring to cuddle his girlfriend until she’s comfortable.

“I love you so much, (Y/N) (L/N).”

A bigger smile taints her lips at that.

“I love you too, Steven.” Her voice is barely a whisper but he hears it clear as day.

“Can I hold you?”

(Y/N) smiles and shakes her head as if he was being silly.

“You never need to ask permission for that, Stevie. No matter what.”

With another sad smile, he pulls the woman into his arms and holds her tighter than ever before.

“I’m so sorry, my love.”

“I forgive you, but no more missions for a while.” She whispers.

“Yes, boss.”

Bucky’s leaning against the doorframe, watching the interaction. He took a detour to Tony’s office and made sure to give the billionaire a piece of his mind about making sure Fury didn’t have Steve on any missions for a long time.

“Is this the last episode?” The brunet speaks up, stripping himself of his clothes as he enters their room properly.

“Yeah.” (Y/N) nods.

“I still think we should watch Vampire Diaries instead.” Steve chuckles, mirroring Bucky’s actions.

“I pick the TV show, Rogers shuts his cake-hole.” (Y/N) teases, mocking a line from Supernatural and snuggling herself in the middle of the bed, sandwiched between the two super soldiers - where she belongs. “I love you both.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

“Love you always, doll.”