#man I haven't listened to them since highschool

[noyzinerd]

More Than Just A Body (Swap)

Thinking about a post-body swap Sterek fic.

One that fully takes place after a body swap has already been reversed (like, a sequel to a non-existent fic--where they swapped bodies, had to live as the other, got switched back, yet didn't get together by the end--that's constantly alluded to, but we never actually get to read), so we only see the aftermath.

Derek is super irritated and snippy for days after they get back into their own bodies. Stiles thinks it's because Derek feels pissed and humiliated he had to relive to highschool with insufferable teenagers, be helplessly human and weak, and generally listen to authority again (his dad). It definitely bums Stiles out to think that Derek found living his life so deplorable that he's still angry about it. So now both of them are upset and sort of avoiding each other.

It isn't until two weeks later, when their stand-off is starting to effect pack business, that Stiles gets fed up and confronts Derek.

"What's your deal, man? You've been super shitty ever since we swapped back. It's been two weeks. How can you still be mad about living as me? What, was doing the dishes and being forced to write 5,000 words about the Louisiana Purchase seriously that terrible? Look, I'm sorry you had to deal with my stupid, tissue-paper body for so long, but you can't just-!"

And before you know it, Derek has him shoved up against a wall. He's still pissed, yeah, but, for some reason, he also looks...hurt and broken inside.

"Your body isn't stupid, Stiles! It was the best thing to happen to me in years!"

Stiles is stunned speechless. Derek's fingers are trembling around the grip he has in Stiles' shirt. There's so much pain in those green-blue eyes that it actually aches to look in them. It looks almost like grief.

Like Derek is in mourning.

Derek's not crying, but his eyes are definitely shinier as he continues, "You have no idea what you have, Stiles. What I had. For the first time since the worst fucking day of my life, I got to do normal things, like chores and sports. Not a single person expected anything of me o-or looked to me for answers. I didn't have to worry about fucking up and getting people killed, because the smartest guy I knew was taking care of my body like it was something precious. And all I had to do in return was live your beautiful, quiet life. A life where someone gently woke me up for school and nobody found me too intimidating to get close to.

"I got to know what it was like to be loved by a father again, Stiles! To say the words 'I love you, too, Dad' when I didn't think I'd ever get another chance. I-I got to be hugged and have people smile at me like they were glad to see me and I'd get to look in the mirror in the morning to the sweetest smile at the start of my day and hear your voice every time I talked. It was perfect." Somehow, Stiles has found his face streaked with tears even though the tears valiantly sticking to Derek's lashes still haven't fallen as his voice breaks over his words.

"A-and now? All I get to wake up to is me." The word is spit out with acid and venom. "I get to wake up alone in a cold, silent, empty, concrete room and look at a face in the mirror that makes me sick. I get to go back to my pathetic fucking life where I have to choose between literally fighting against an endless wave of people out to kill me or using my family's blood money to buy myself a microwavable dinner for the night. The only difference is that now...now I'm haunted by the feel of your fingers through my hair, your arms wrapped around me," at this, Stiles can feel his heart cracking apart at the thought of Derek using his body to simply hug himself, "y-your voice telling me that I'm going to be okay, and just-just the sight of your skin and your eyes and-and-I just, I can't, Stiles, I-I can't-!"

Stiles is clutching Derek so tight to him in an instant, tucking him into his neck and slowly lowering them to the ground as Derek collapses and sobs into him.

---

Once the tears are all dry, Stiles finally picks up the courage to be vulnerable too. He owes it to Derek.

At least it'll be easier now that he can't see the werewolf's reactions.

So, as he's stroking the other's hair, Stiles tells him about how he wishes Derek could see the man he fell in love with the way Stiles can.

He tells him about how he fell in love with a man whose heart is so big and full of kindness that he physically cannot stop himself from helping people, no matter how much he likes to pretend that he doesn't care.

The man he loves is powerful, resilient, and stronger than any one person has any right to be, yet so fragile as to be afraid of loving someone too much because he might be shattered.

The man Stiles loves is smart, sassy, thoughtful, stubborn, awkward, grumpy, sweet, and so so deserving of hugs and smiles and kisses and praise, because Derek is and has always been more than just a body.

Stiles tells him about how, during their swap, he made sure to take warm baths with nice smells, nap in cozy blankets, and massage his hands and feet with lotions because Stiles wanted to take care of Derek's body as much as he could while he got the chance. He did it because he wanted to help Derek and this was the only way he thought he could.

If there had been even the slightest indication that anything more would've been well received, Stiles would have already done it. All he wants is permission.

"Please...let me take care of you?"

---

So, slowly, day by day, Stiles enfolds Derek into a gentle life.

Stiles is Derek's strongest advocate, his extra set of hands to help carry his burdens, his pillow, his introduction to new things and new people.

They're always wrapped around each other, all the time, almost like Stiles is scared of Derek getting cold.

Despite the confession, things remain G-rated for a while. Cuddles, hand-holding, caresses, just touching. Shy kisses eventually make an appearance after some time, but they remain sweet, loving little things.

Stiles makes it perfectly clear that he's fine waiting to make a move until he's sure being intimate can't possibly be mistaken as anything else. He needs Derek to understand that this isn't obligation or pity. Stiles loves Derek. And Stiles is going to take his time because he wants Derek to feel loved beyond his body, no matter how long it takes.

By the time Derek feels whole again, now living with the Stilinskis and smiling softly as a default expression, they find themselves in front of the bathroom mirror having their first time together.

It's definitely not kinky. Mostly reverent, full of "It's okay, I'm right here", fingers laced tight together, flashing eyes, and a bit of emotional tears. It's gentle and assuring, with promises of never being alone again, and whispers of "so beautiful" and "so sweet" and "so perfect". Climax is rewarded with praises, hands stroking up arms and down backs, and "I love you"s are slurred through dropped fangs and traded back and forth between kisses

But as expected, finally having sex doesn't magically make Derek love himself. It's still a long road. Because even if Derek doesn't completely hate his life anymore, there are those hard days where he still has problems with 'being Derek'.

And maybe one day Derek will learn to love the body he lives in.

Until then, Stiles will just have to love it for him.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

hi!! can i request a miguel x jealous reader? this has been stuck in my head for quite some time now..

it is no question that spiderman 2099 was hot, even if the people of nueva york haven't seen his face.. his huge frame and voice will of course gain him some fans. one day, reader overhears a group of young highschoolers, fangirling about spiderman 2099 and how hot he was. even showing off some pictures and videos to each other.

of course, reader feels proud since spiderman 2099 is their husband. but also can't help but feel jealous knowing that others also want miguel. they push it down though since getting jealous over a bunch of highschoolers was silly.

however, reader is more bothered about it than they thought and miguel eventually notices their sour mood. after some denying and coaxing, miguel finally gets them to spill the beans. he is extremely amused, and even finds it a little funny. however, he's still going to reassure reader that he is only theirs like the great husband he is.. 🥰 ending can be smutty or fluffy, up to you!!! ❤️

hii!! sorry for the hold up for this. this is cute I love it!! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌

—

SUBTLE ENVY

miguel o’hara x f!reader

word count. 644

There was no doubt that Spider-Man 2099 was the talk of the town - his towering, masculine physique often the main focal point. When you'd overhear strangers on the street conversing about the masked menace, your husband, you'd be overgrown with pride - listening in on their encounters of being saved by him.

Many things made you feel proud to know Spider-Man so personally - to know the real man under the suit and mask. Though, some things about the title of the wife aren't as easy to stomach.

Daily, you'd see hundreds of comments online about how handsome your husband is - see fan-made videos and edits with questionable captions. For the most part, you enjoyed them. You loved to watch clips and compilations of the man you love, loved to see how liked and appreciated he is by the people of Nueva York. 

However, sometimes the comments would get the best of you. You'd see teenage girls swooning over him online - talking about how they wish to replace his wife. At first, they were small, inconsequential remarks, but over time, they changed how you saw yourself. They made you question if you were good enough for Miguel. You kept your issue to yourself - deciding your husband had enough on his plate and didn't need you complaining about something you could easily ignore.

You kept your problem hidden until one afternoon at your local coffee shop; you overheard a group of high school girls talk about what they would do if they had a minute alone with Spider-Man 2099. What they said should've easily rolled off your back, should've been something that you laugh off, something you silently agreed with, but no. They caught you in a vulnerable mood where you were sensitive to their infatuation, already feeling insecure, and all you could do was leave the queue and head home.

You return to your apartment and change into something comfy, slumping onto the sofa with a blanket wrapped around you. You put on your show and cosy up.

"Cariño?" Miguel calls out from his office doorway. "I thought I heard you," his tone warm and comforting as he kisses your cheek from behind. "How was your day?"

"Good," you absentmindedly reply, keeping your gaze on the tv ahead.

"Is that all? Querida? Are you okay?"

"Mh-hm." 

"Pms?" he asks, joining you on the couch.

"No," you chuckle, cutely shaking your head. "Don't think so anyway."

"You seem sad."

You smile sincerely. "It's nothing— it's silly, really." 

Miguel's head cocks to the side, sweetly looking at you with softened eyes. His large hand reaching for yours. "Nothing's too silly," he shakes his head, trying to emphasise his statement. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"Miguel, it's stupid," you warn, suddenly embarrassed. "Like, really stupid."

"I don't care."

You exhale, turning to face him. "I was getting coffee and heard a bunch of girls swooning over you," you confess, your words quietening.

"Baby..." he hesitates, an amused smile lining his lips.

"I know it's childish, but it just bugs me sometimes—it's not funny."

"Of course not," he reassures, his posture stiffening from your soft scolding. "But you have to see the humour in it, no?"

"How so?"

"Cariño," he sweetly coos. "I'm here... with you. No one else gets to see me like this. Only you see me without the mask," his smile widens, looking at you in endearment. "You're the only one I want. I don't care about the girls on the internet or in coffee shops, just you."

Your smile mirrors his as you lean into him, nestling into his comfort. "Thank you," you say, your words muffle into the buff of his side. "I appreciate it. A lot."

"Of course," he chuckles, draping a blanket over himself - getting comfortable. He kisses the crown of your head. "Always."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

[catnipaddictt]

I like you

dbf!anakin skywalker x gn!reader

synopsis: Your dad's best friend comes round for dinner leading to some unspoken feelings being revealed

wc: 1.4k

tw: fluff, inappropriate age gap, kissing

comment: once again no beta reader so watch out for mistakes, this one goes out to @memoiich <3

The smell of your dad's cooking filled the house as you made your way down the stairs from your room. From the extra pair of work boots at the entrance way you knew he was here. Entering the kitchen you see the ‘feast’ your father had placed on the kitchen countertop. Golden roast potatoes, tender meat, and colourful greens combined together for a symphony of smell. Your mouth watered just think about it. But it was nothing compared to when he walked inside. 

His golden curls fell around his face like a halo, making his blue eyes stand out. With him he brought the smell of cigarettes and car oil, something you were used to by now. Something you sought comfort in. You have known Anakin Skywalker for a number of years now. He and your father had been friends ever since you two had moved towns. After your parents divorce you and your father had packed up and left that life behind. A fresh start. 

That was 3 or so years ago now and you two haven't looked back since. You met Anakin in your last year of highschool and that's when your silly crush began. It started off when he began coming around more often for a drink. Which then turned into a weekly event. And then dinners. You definitely weren't complaining though. 

Saying Anakin was gorgeous would be an insult to him. He was perfect in your eyes. If only you were born early. Anakin, now in his 40s, had no business running around with someone as young as you. So you kept admiring yourself and the dairy you hid in your dresser.

He smiles upon seeing you “hey princess”. That nickname, one of the many he gave you, made you internally kick yourself. “oh hi Ani” you grab yourself a glass of ice cold water, feeling his eyes follow you. “Going to come join me and your old man?” He questions to which you nod, “wouldn't miss it.” You grab yourself a plate and serve yourself some food before waiting for him to grab another beer for himself. He follows you out the old sliding door onto the concrete patio. 

Plastic chairs sit around a circular wooden table, the side facing the wall occupied by your father. He greets you with a bright smile, making you feel guilty for harboring feelings for his friend. You pull out a chair against the side of the house before seating yourself in it comfortably. Anakin sits in the chair next to you. Placing your glass on the table, you half listen into the conversation happening between the two men. Something about Anakin's work as a mechanic. You hear your name being said, and feel Anakin tapping your leg under the table. 

“Not boring you to sleep are we?” he jokes, to which your father lets out a gruff laugh. “Of course not” you smile brightly at them before turning you attention to your father, “what were you saying?” 

“Anakin was just asking about your classes.” You turn to him before replying; “same old really, too much useless paperwork, not enough practical learning.” You had been attending the community college nearby for a fine arts course - something you had always wanted to do. Which also explained while you were living at home at the moment. “You should come by the garage for lunch someday, it's only a block or two away” Anakin speaks, “might be able to teach you a thing or two.” You roll your eyes playfully, “and get covered in grease? Yeah, no thanks.” 

Anakin fakes offensive before laughing it off. You continue eating your meal while your father starts talking about engines or something you don't completely understand. You try to focus on the conversation, but find it hard with Anakin right next to you. You can basically feel his laughter roll off him. You tell yourself off for thinking this way before getting up to put your plate in the dishwasher inside. Which is good timing as your father's work phone begins to ring loudly. He mouths a sorry before taking the call. 

“I'll come help you kid” Anakin says as he gets up and follows you inside. You place your dishes in the washer before turning around to meet Anakin's gaze. You look away quickly, moving to dash off to your room. But you are quickly stopped by Anakin's hand wrapping around your wrist. “Where are you running off to sweetheart?” He laughs and you turn a shade of red that you didn't think was possible. “Sorry” you blurt out quickly. “Something is wrong, you acting off today” he states, not as a question. “It's just class, I'm stressed” you try to play it off. “Okay, want to show me your work, I'm not artist, but I'm sure I could at least try to help.”

You nod and move your head in the direction of the stairs which lead to your room. You begin to regret your decision when you reach your door. If he doesn't think of you as a child now, he was surely about to. Opening the door to your room you are greeted by posters of singers and objects that hold too much sentimental value for you to get rid of. Your CD player makes music fill the room, you must have forgotten to turn it off before going to eat. 

He moves inside your room, looking at the walls. Even though you had known him for years, he had never been in this room, your sanctuary. He speaks before you do; “I know this artist” he mentions towards your CD player. “You know this?” You question. “I may be old but i'm not that old” he takes a moment before adding “and your dad mentioned you listened to them so I may have listened to a few albums” he shrugs. You let out a snort “I can't imagine you listening to this kind of music.'' He lets out a soft laugh before you hand him the piece you had been working in for school.

He takes a few seconds before he says “this is incredible, I knew you were good, but not this good” he looks at you as he compliments your work. “Oh thanks” is all you manage to reply. “Do you have any more I can see?” “Sure” you turn around to rummage through the pile of half done works on your desk. When you run around you almost jump out of your skin.

Anakin holds a small book in his hands. Your diary to be exact. You must have forgotten to put it back in its hiding spot. You try to take it from his hands but he doesn't let you. “Anakin please.” You beg him to give it up and back into your rightful hands.

After a few moments he places the book down on your bed gently before making eye contact with you. You immediately look away, embarrassed. Anakin either just read about a normal day or knows about your silly little schoolgirl crush on him. Guessing by his next action you guess the second option. 

He takes your face between his large rough hands, tough from years of work. You can smell his cologne as he moves his thumb against your cheek gently, like you might break. “Oh sweetheart” he tilts your chin up, forcing you to look at him. “I guessed but couldn't know for sure, '' he continued. “Your dad would kill me if he knew how I felt about his precious daughter” you blink at him confused. He seems to think for a split second before speaking; “fuck it, I like you” breath, “and I know I shouldn't” he acts before you can think. Leaning down and pulling you toward him, placing his lips on yours. 

You swear you feel fireworks erupt in your gut as he kisses you. You pull apart, breathing heavily. Anakin gives your hip a squeeze, “I should go before your dad starts to wonder.” Normally the mention of your father would cause feelings of guilt but you are still starstruck. Your only reply is a nod before he removes his hands from you. “Hey come by the garage tomorrow, okay?” Another nod from you. He moves to the door, shooting you a winning smile before he is gone.

You can't tell if that was the best or worst thing to happen to you. If one Thing was certain, Anakin Skywalker would not be leaving your mind anytime soon.

[natriae]

Heyyy I wanted to ask if u have any WIPs ? If not can I pls request a smutty make out session with ushi gushi College au where and reader have dated for a while but not gonna more than kissing and he expresses he wants more and reader is kjke omg me too I was just waiting for u lol idk if that makes sense ahaha

A/N: Ushijima is so comfort man

"I want to kiss you," he states like that's something that comes up in normal conversation...especially in the library.

Since you began dating Ushijima times like these weren't uncommon, but they still catch you off guard. For example, when he took you to meet his highschool friends he straight up told them that the two of you have yet to have sex...with a straight face and no blushing. Then he was shocked that you began choking on your water.

At the beginning of your relationship you thought he was doing these things on purpose. A way for him to make you nervous and blush (not that it was hard for him to do that anyway... have you seen him), but it didn't take you long to realize that he has a hard time in social situations. He doesn't realize what is to honest, but you wouldn't change him for the world because he was right 'honesty is the best policy'. It was cute how he would say these child like phrases without batting an eye all because Tendou told him.

Never have you dated a man like Ushijima Wakatoshi, and you doubt another man like him exists. You assumed he was like a wall you would never be able to climb, but oh were you wrong. He says it exactly how he means it, so last night when he told you how happy he was to be with you, you felt a little zap in your heart. You really trusted with man with the world.

~last night~

The best part about college, getting to sleep in your boyfriend's dorm. Ushijima's volleyball scholarship allowed him to get his own room with a private bathroom all to himself. Every college kid's dream, and he got it for free :). So you were welcome anytime Ushijima allowed it. No worries about a roommate which allowed the two of you the alone time most college relationships didn't get. Even though you told everyone you wouldn't date till after college, a year and a half later here you are snuggled up next to your life size teddy bear. Ushijima laid on his back while you laid on your side with your leg hooked over his. Your right hand rested on his chest as you listened to his heart beat to lull you to sleep.

However, tonight you felt the rumble in his chest as he began speaking. He never spoke when it was time for bed, so you perked up to listen.

"y/n," he rumbled, looking at the ceiling.

"jima," you responded, watching his face to see any slight movement. Bingo. The corner of his lip twitched upwards. He may be stotic, but he wasn't allergic to happiness.

You feel his right arm tighten around your back before he continues, "Thank you for dating me," 'thank you for seeing past my mannerisms' he wanted to say, "and I really love you." i want to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms. You watched his eyes flicker down to yours before looked back up at the ceiling. He was nervous, so cute.

"I love you to 'Jima. More than you'd ever know."

~~~

"you wanna kiss me 'Jima," you responded with a small smirk, trying to hide the blush that consumed your face. All he did in response was nod his head once and began packing up his things. "wait where are you going," you questioned.

"I will not kiss you in public," He responded in a way that if you were any other person you would feel stupid, but you know Ushijima doesn't mean it in that way. He just prefers his privacy. Packing up your things you follow him to his dorm.

You place your things down and go to rest on his bed with the thought in the back of your mind of when will he kiss you. The two of you haven't done anything more than just a peck, but something feels different. There's a thick tension in the air as Ushijima slips off his shoes and puts on his slippers. Walking over to his bed he leans down and leaves a light peck on your lips.

Was that all?

Seemingly unphased by your confused face he sits on the bed next to you and takes a deep breath before pulling you onto his lap. Now strattling him his face softens before speaking. But you can tell by the small twitch in his lip that he's nervous, but he doesn't want to scare you.

Your hands hold his face as your thumb caresses his cheekbone. "'Jima you can tell me anything," you whispered, even though it was just the two of you.

He blinks softly before speaking. "can i kiss you more?" I know you weren't exactly comfortable woth it before, He grunts out. Your lips turn up in a smile at how he says it so monotone, but his eyes and heart tell another story. He's freaking out inside.

Nodding your head you lean in till your noses are touching. Waiting for Ushijima to close the gap. He leaves a small peck on your lips one more time before kissing you deeper. Kissing your bottom lip then your top. Both of you turn your heads opposite directions to kiss deeper. Your hands fall to the back of his head and rake their way into his hair.

You feel his strong, manly hands hover over your waist not sure if he's allowed to touch. To him you're his most prized possession. Something expensive that he doesn't want to leave finger prints on. Something he doesn't want to break with his excitement.

You bring one hand down to his and press it on to your waist telling him it's okay and smile into the kiss.

Through the wet sounds of your lips colliding, the deep breaths, and quiet moans it was clear this wasn't just two college students making out. It was two quiet lovers who were trying to pour all their love into a kiss.

[migueloharaslave]

You stood in front of a mirror, tugging on the dress you picked to wear for the night. It has been a couple of months since you've joined alchemex and tonight the company hosted a little reward show to give recognitions to some of the Geneticists for their new discovery in their project.

You hummed as you walked over to the dresser, grabbing one of your vanilla scented perfumes. You gently sprayed the mist on yourself before walking over to the bed, which your boyfriend was stretched across of.

"Okay I'm about to go, do you need anything?" You asked Shawn, with a small smile on yourself. You and Shawn have been together since highschool, you two started dating when you were 16 and now your 24.

"No. I'm good. Go have fun." He muttered as he sat up in the bed, resting his back against the headboard as he continued to text on his phone.

"Okay.." You were expecting some sort of kiss goodbye just like he used to do.. but now he doesn't anymore. Sometimes it feels like Shawn doesn't even love you as much as you love him.

"Well, bye. Love you." You grabbed your purse and walked out the room, closing the door behind you.

You sighed, walking out of your apartment you felt nothing but guilt. Did you do something wrong? Did you say something? What if he isn't interested anymore? All those thoughts bottled up in your chest was ready to spill out.

You felt a lump in your throat and you decided to swallow to get rid of it, you didn't need to be upset about anything right now.

..You stepped into the venue, greeting some of your fellow coworkers as you shared laughs and giggles.

You smiled as you listened to them gossip about this guy.. one of the Geneticist who is apparently a real hot hunk of a man.

"He's supposed to be the lead on this project. I've heard he's single, but he doesn't really seem to be interested in dating." One of your coworkers spoke as she took a sip of her wine.

"No, I've heard rumors of him dating someone.. Whoever she is, she's lucky." Another coworker spoke, and as they continued their conversation you sorta zoned out.. thinking about your boyfriend.

You decided to excuse yourself from the group and went over to the bar. You told the bartender what drink you wanted, and he made it and handed it to you with a warm smile. "Enjoy your drink, Ma'am." He spoke in a tone of class.

And just as you got the drink, ready to walk back to the table with your gal pals, you bump into someone.

"Oh my god.. I am so sorry. I should had been paying attention." You quickly put the glass down and grabbed a napkin to hand it to the man who stood before you.

When you finally looked up at him, your eyes met his.. you stared at those eyes of his.. those dark crimson eyes seemed like something out of a film, something only a man from the dream could have and god his height, he had to be above six feet atleast. That nice bronze skin, slicked back brunette hair, the strong facial structures he had.. those broad shoulders, you could honestly tell he went to the gym.

"No, worries. It's fine, dear." He chuckled softly, taking the napkin and gently dabbing the liquid off of his black blazer. He then crumbled it up and tossing it in a nearby trashcan.

He cleared his throat, holding out his hand to you. "I'm Miguel O'Hara, it's nice to meet you, Ms..?"

You smiled softly as you took his hand into yours, feeling the rough calloused hand of his, you tucked a strand behind your ear as you spoke. "Y/N."

"Pleased to meet you. I haven't seen you around before, are you new?" Miguel spoked as he pulled his hand away, slipping them into the pockets of his dress pants and your eyes couldn't help but follow them.

You looked up at him, "Yes.. I started working here a couple months ago. I'm one of the new research scientists."Miguel looked at you up at down, seeming to be examining you.

"Well.. That's nice. I hope to see you around more now that I know your name, Y/N." The way your named rolled off of his tongue sent a shiver down your spine, you licked your lips as you felt them go dry.

"Yeah.. I'll definitely be looking around for you, yknow since your all.. tall and stuff." You giggled nervously then you furrowed your brows at your words, cringing at how awkward that was. You couldn't even talk to a guy, well a attractive guy at that. Was it weird to find him attractive when you had a whole boyfriend at home? Yes, but it isn't a crime.

Miguel gave you a look that seemed as if he was slightly confused but he just shook it off. "Well, I'll be going now. I'll see you around." He smiled at you one last time before waving and walking off.

You stood there, watching him. You dumbfounded, clenching onto your purse as your heart raced in your chest. You felt as if you wanted to faint not only did you see a most amazing hunk of a man, but you were.. attracted to him.

Just feeling like that for another guy made you feel guilty deep down inside.. you didn't wanna hurt your boyfriend's feelings.. but god that Miguel looked like he could do wonders to your body. Shaking off your wild thoughts you just asked the bartender for a shot of vodka, you grabbed the glass and gulped it down within in a second and sat it down. You whispered a small thank you and walked away, looking around you found your little clique again.

"Y/N! We were just talking about you." The girl laughed as you joined them at the table. You sat down at the table with them at a empty spot looking around, as your attention was soon drawn to the stage when you saw someone walking on up to a podium. "I was just looking around.. that's all." You said softly as you looked at her with a small smile.

Suddenly, the lights dimmed and the attention was focused on the stage to a man with a mic, "Welcome everyone. Tonight is a big night! We're recognizing our amazing geneticist team and their new project. Their job working on this project for months really paid off and it opened up a new path for more studies to occur. Now, will Miguel O'Hara and his team come to the stage." Your throat went dry at the mention of his name, was he the guy your coworkers were not too long gossiping about? You watched as he stepped onto the stage along with four other people and they smiled as they stood on stage behind him and he adjusted his tie.

Miguel placed those calloused hands against the side of the podium, leaning down to speak in the mic. "Thank you to everyone for the support on this project. It has been stressful these past few months while we worked on it, but we managed to get through it as a team. Teamwork is a major factor in this company, it's what keeps the creativity flowing and more ideas being produced. Thank you to my team for working on this project with me, although it took a lot of convincing.. and thank you to corporate for funding this project, it is highly appreciated. Hopefully this will open new doors for not only us, but also the new generation of scientist on their way. Thank you."

You sat there and clapped after that speech of his, you weren't really focused on what he was saying.. only on his voice, the way his deep voice sounds, the little rasp within it. Something about it drove you crazy.

...After more scientist got their recognition, along with hours of talking to random people you finally got home. You groaned as you walked into your apartment, kicking your heels off. "I'm home!" You called out to your boyfriend. You heard rumbling coming from the room so you went to go check and see what he was doing.

"Are you okay?" You asked as you walked into the room, looking around. Your bed was a little messy, but it looked like Shawn was sleeping by the way he was just casually laying under the sheets.

"Yeah! I'm fine. Didn't think you were coming home early." He chuckled, he stood up and walked over to you. He was in his boxers, which were something he usually didn't sleep in. You were taking off your jewelry and then you started to take off your makeup.

"I was too tired to stay for the after party stuff." You muttered as you looked up at him, you stood up walking up to the mirror next to your closet and he quickly followed you. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing.. I just wanna follow you around." He smiled as he leaned against the closet door. He licked his lips as he watched you take your hair out of the bun you pinned it up in.

"Well, I'm gonna shower now." You smiled at him and pecked a kiss on his cheek. You walked out the room, and when he heard the shower start running he immediately open the closet door and as expected, there was a half naked girl.

"Jenni, Go before she finds out. Hurry up." He hissed softly as he shooed her out of the apartment.

(ERM THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC OBVIOUSLY ITS NOT GONNA BE GOOD BUT MY FRIENDS LIKED IT AND YEAH SO THIS IS IT PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK, ADVICE, AND MAYBE IDEAS FOR PART TWO 😜)

[tonberrydion]

☆ spike into my heart!

- 005 : the interview

kageyama pulled out his phone and he saw the multiple tweets on his feed about [name]'s new interview being released. he decided that, really, there was no harm in watching it. he was just acting like a fan.. nothing else.

kageyama opened up youtube and searched up [name]'s account. he clicked the latest video and immediately liked it. he grabbed his headphones and put them on before listening to the video.

"hey everyone, it's [name]." [name] waved to the camera, a smile on his face as he did so.

"today i'm going to be answering questions that you guys, my fans, have sent in." [name] continued explaining the purpose of the video. it reminded kageyama that yes, he was a fan of [name]. not his boyfriend, not his ex.. just a fan now.

"alright then.. first question." [name] cleared his throat before he reached into a box that had some papers inside.

[name] picked up one of the strands of paper and read it before showing it to the screen.

"what is your newest release?" [name] said. it was the same thing that was written on the paper.

[name] didn't have to think that much about the question, he just smiled before answering. "spike into my heart." he says, sounding so enthusiastic to say it. kageyama smiled with [name]..

"that reminds me.." [name] chuckled slightly before he spoke up once again. "you guys should go listen to it if you haven't! and if you have.. keep promoting my stuff." the man sighed, before laughing at himself once again.

"next question.." [name] muttered to himself before he dug out another piece of paper from the box.

"what is 'spike into your heart' about?" [name] said before showing the camera the piece of paper.

this time, [name] had to think a bit. he had to think of a way to talk about the song since he had so much things running through his mind in that moment.

"well.. the song is about this guy i used to date in high school." [name] started, looking at the camera with a shy, embarrassed smile. "he used to play volleyball- actually, he still does but anyway that's not part of the question." [name] chuckled at himself once more.

"we dated from the first year of highschool until the last.." [name] started to reminisce on camera, leading kageyama to reminisce about their times together as he watched the video. "it was.. amazing. but of course, times have changed and we don't date anymore." [name] sighed, seemingly disappointed on camera.

kageyama couldn't believe it. he couldn't believe that [name] his ex that is now a famous musician just talked about him on camera so freely like that. sure, [name] didn't mention kageyama's name or anything like that, but still. all of their friends will now know about it.

kageyama then proceeded to finish the rest of the video. it was full of other, common interview questions that [name] would've answered many times previously. kageyama understood, doing press conferences for sports also meant he had to answer questions that he's answered before.

however, throughout the rest of the video, kageyama couldn't stop thinking about [name]'s words. he couldn't stop thinking about [name]'s reaction too. was [name] really disappointed because they aren't together anymore, or was it just acting for the camera? whatever it was, kageyama's heart beated a little quicker.

the ravenette sighed and he turned his phone off. he decided a nap should ease him of these thoughts...

☆ masterlist ▪︎ prev ▪︎ next

[boytransmission]

Idk if you would answer something personal like this but I thought I’d shoot my shot!

For background I’m 20, queer/enby and just starting to get into bdsm/kink this past year or two. I also prefer a submissive/brat role and your page has helped me a lot in feeling a community and understanding.

How did you learn about this side of yourself/explore it, have you found community that makes you feel validated in it and can share it with, and how do you work through shame if you experience that?

I hope you have the best day I appreciate you!

-🫀

Heyy howdy! i'm so happy to hear my little corner of tumblr has helped you out at all, that's really cool :) I don't feel super qualified to answer your questions, but i'll do my best under the cut

I learned about this side of myself very, very early on lol. I was extremely hypersexual as a child (didn't know what a sexuality was so i just fantasized about everyone) then got scared of myself from like 9-14 (came out as bi at 11, lesbian at 12), then got back to it as a highschooler (13: trans & bi; 15-18:gay ftm). I never got with anyone (didn't start screwing till i was 18), but i poked around 20th century queer art and history and photography (mostly from the u.s., and mostly gay male), and by the time i joined in on the grindr scene at 18 i had an idea of how i wanted to be thrown around. I explored it all in a pretty horrible, unhealthy way through grindr. I fell in love with a transfem who was my first for everything but was secretly using me as "the other man" the whole time, i was always too scared to actually deny sex to anyone who i wound up meeting in person which did a horrific number on my body, and i was obviously chased all over the map by cis male fetishists, and i got with several of them and dated one who was extremely... i don't know. Manipulative? Violent? It's more confusing than that. I was having sex as an addict running away from my real life issues and emotional struggles, and i fucked myself over so much worse than any one hookup or short-term relationship possibly could've. I realized i needed to cut it all off, and i did, and it forced me to seriously think about where i stand sexually. I was right when i was a kid- i'm a dyke. As imaginitive as i was when i was younger, i haven't been 'hypersexual' since i was maybe 13, and i am definitely demisexual. The trauma i experienced from august 2022 to july 2023 has caused extremely intense bouts of sex-repulsion fluctuating against sex addiction which has been... tough. But with all that said, coming back to my dyke roots and listening to my younger self and pursuing butchness and fagdyke bullshit has helped me heal so, so much. It was rough realizing that what i was doing was a twisted version of comphet, something i stupidly thought i was more or less immune to. This community and all the art and people and ideas that come out of it are so insanely incredible and touching to me. I've always been part of the trans community, but the trans dyke community is so much stronger together than the gay trans community was for reasons i don't know.

I currently live in a small town in florida with no nearby major cities, and even if there were, i can't afford a car (let alone gas or insurance) and i'm stuck at home when i'm not at work. It's miserable, and all those issues combined mean there's no community here for me to engage with, not queer and definitely not kinky. I've been wanting to move to a bigger city, and when i was visiting Seattle i got my first real ticket into a trans kink community that was so warm, welcome, open, and i was so, so floored and beyond happy i got to experience it, even if it was just one meet up at a cafe. Finding community in smaller areas is excruciating.... even if you take initiative to build it, it's likely there's no one actually There to join in.... i mope about it a lot. But online i feel like i have recently found a good circle of people/mutuals/etc to share in butch/dyke/trans sexuality and leather kinks and pretty much everything i've talked about on this blog, despite how badly it's lacking for me irl :,,)

Something that ties the two paragraphs together: i really don't struggle with shame in any bit of what i do or who i am, unless i'm going through a paranoid fit of sex-repulsion, in which case the only thing i'm really shameful about is having an online presence at all. Sometimes i get paranoid and scared off my ass that i'll never be separated from these fantasies and images, that i'll always be seen as a little, young fucktoy, or that i'm still in addiction and punishing myself and this is all self-harm when i know (in normal states) that it isn't.

Also sooooo glad you're a brat, isn't it so much fun? How am i not supposed to be a bit snarky from time to time and how am i not supposed to obsess over the punishments i'll get? It's always a win win i fucking love being a little piece of shit lollll

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

I have two ideas for fic, I hope you like them!

The first one is Eddie x reader living together a few years after their graduation. Eddie works is a mechanic and reader also works a lot. One day reader went to business trip and he stays alone with his thoughts for a few days when he realize how much weight he gained during this few years. He works a lot, doesn't have time for sport (and really hate it), eats mostly junk food. He doubts himself so much during this few days and becomes insecure. But reader comes back and after some sirious talking she tells him how much she loves his soft tummy and he's only more handsome from highschool time even though she though its impossible.

And second idea

I've seen so much fics about reader with acne or skin problems but not even one with Eddie and this issue.

So maybe Eddie getting insecure and avoiding reader because of acne that appears on his face or other skin problem because of allergy of something.

(Personally my skin is ruined since few months and I'm not dealing well with it 🙃)

Have a nice day sweetie!

requested by anon 🙂💞

💖

Eddie had been alone for a few days now. He had a few days off from his work as a mechanic and yn was away on a business trip with Nancy.

Being alone wasn't good for him. It left him alone with his thoughts and his negative self talk had turned to how much weight he had gained recently.

He wasn't eating very well, junk food and beer weren't exactly a healthy diet so thus made him feel even more down. Usually when he was working he grabbed what he could and didn't care if it was healthy.

These few days had taken a toll on his mental health. When he hears the jingle of the keys that signaled his princess coming home he couldn't muster up the enthusiasm to greet her properly.

He was trapped in his own head. Yn comes up the stairs and rushes into their room.

"Ed's baby? You weren't at the door to greet me? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" he wants to say how he is feeling but doesn't know how to put it into words.

She cuddles up beside him and tears spill down his cheeks.

"Oh, baby. Tell me what's wrong?" he swallows and begins to talk.

"It's just I haven't been eating great and I didn't notice I've put on a little weight and its got me down"

Her expression softens and she kisses him.

"You're perfect. I love you so much, Eddie" he sighs.

"What about my stomach, it's all soft?" he says feeling self conscious.

"Now you listen to me Edward Munson, I love your soft belly, I love you so much, my love. Now, if you want to eat a little healthier I'd be more than happy to make lunches for you babe" he nods eagerly.

"I love you, my gorgeous man, more than you'll ever know" he feels his anxiety settle and gently kisses her.

"I love you too my angel"

💖💖

Request 2

"Ahh, shit" Eddie was not happy. This was the third time this month he had gotten spots.

He hadn't had them this bad since he was in his early teens and it was making him a little self obvious.

At this point hearing his cries yn comes in and sees him pouting at.

"You okay Eds?" he sighs.

"Look at these little fuckers, I haven't had spots since I was a little shrimp, got it pretty bad" she softens.

"I have some cream that will take the redness down. Don't worry baby I get spots too it's fine, don't feel self concious"

He relaxes a bit as she gets the cream and gently dabs it on his skin.

"Thank you, princess," he says and kisses her on the head.

💞

[agonizedembrace]

15 questions for the writer! tagged by: @ionianelder ty! ♥ tagging: you! (i think nearly everyone has been tagged already)

1: Are you named after anyone? Not really! I have a really common first name, but my middle name is after my uncle's at the time girlfriend. So.. I guess that's something :')

2: When was the last time you cried? tbh i think i deadass just cried earlier today watching a tiktok

3: Do you have kids? no and tbh i really don't plan on it

4: Do you use sarcasm a lot? yes! I usually use it more often in person/over voice chat than via text since I understand it's harder to pick up that way

5: What's the first thing you notice about people? Their smiles (if they do) and their eyes. I often watch for mannerisms and how people speak to others as well (are they kind? are they inconsiderate? do they tip? etc)

6: What's your eye colour? Closest would be hazel? there's some blue n gold to it as well though idk i can't describe it.

7: Scary movies or happy endings? I enjoy both -- long as each has a proper story to go alongside it.

8: Any special talents? 🧍‍♀️nothing that i would consider special honestly

9: Where were you born? in NH! that's as specific as I'll get with it

10: What are your hobbies? gaming, writing, drawing, music (whether it's playing or listening)

11: Have you any pets? yes!! i have two cats, one a short haired tabby and the other a long haired gray fluffball! i adore both of them dearly (even if my tabby destroys my thighs with her claws :') )

12: What sport do you play/have you played? softball! I played it from middleschool through highschool and was pretty decent at it. i miss playing but it also did a number on my body so.. f to that

13: How tall are you? i'm 5'3" or 152cm!

14: Favourite subject in school? french!! i really enjoyed learning a second language, after that (and not counting band) i would say math 💀💀💀💀

15: Dream job? man i have honestly always struggled with this answer -- i haven't known what i want to do with myself. something in the gaming industry would be cool but man would it be brutal

[burnmywholelifedown]

Hi bestie I'm here I'm queer I'm going to ask you what's your favorite book (or if I've already asked this, what's your ultimate dating deal-breaker or maybe just relationship deal-breaker in general doesn't have to be romantic). Also, Killian is my second favorite character because Emma is my absolute favorite character on that entire show. Their relationship was EVERYTHING to me, I love sunshine v darkness trope so much, hence sterek and destiel as well. I love teen wolf but idk how much of that is because I was like 13 when I started watching it tbh. I would watch it just for dylan's performance in season 3 because HOLY SHIT he should have won a fucking Oscar.

asldjkflsdkjf oh my gosh are we meant to be best friends?? Ugh yes Emma is absolutely fantastic I just personally relate to Killian just that smidge more I think. They are both so special to me 😍 Ugh yes that trope is the best. Everlark was another couple that had that dynamic for me. Man now you're making me wonder if watching it for Dylan would be worth it. My only concern is that it might be too YA for me (I get very turned off by highschool stories). That's why I haven't picked it up yet. I'm afraid I missed the boat on that show. Now I tend to enjoy my YA stories to be fantasy because then the characters are more likely to be less immature (and potentially traumatized by the stakes of the fantasy world which is also fun - looking at you TFOTA trilogy and Grishaverse books).

Whoooo boy okay a favorite book is really hard because books mean a lot to me. I think you know that about me by now so you're getting a list from the last couple years lol:

TFOTA trilogy - the politics was so fun and the twists and turns kept me engaged. I read all 3 books in 48 hours and have reread them multiple times since in the last couple years because they were so good.

The Hunger Games trilogy - that series is straight up literature. There is so much to unpack.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan - idk what to say about this book except that the characters are so loveable, the take on portal fantasy is unique and the way she flipped sexism on it's head was so thoughtprovoking.

A Taste of Gold and Iron by Alexandra Rowland - excellent anxiety rep, top tier slow burn without a lot of drama or miscommunications, beautifully written fantasy world with no homophobia

Captive Prince trilogy by CS Pacat - um this is a more problematic pick but if you're down for a high fantasy slow burn true hate to love romance this is where it's at man. You will have such a good time you won't even know what you signed up for until you are embroiled in the middle of it. Gosh Laurent's character arc gives me life.

Anything in Alexis Hall's Spires Series + Boyfriend Material - what this man has to say about gender and queer identity changed my mindset about what it is to be queer and I love it so much. His books made me feel so seen especially Pansies, For Real, and Boyfriend Material.

What Is a Girl Worth? by Rachael Denhollander - The only nonfiction book on this list lol. I loved how eloquently she spoke about her story and how she included the problems she's seen in the church around sexual assault. We need someone who has the legal and Christian connections to advocate for survivors but she's doing it and that really inspires me.

If I have to pick just one though - I pick Boyfriend Material and here's why (x). It's really personal to my insecurities and it made me feel very seen and loved. It's the epitome of a comfort book for me. Whenever I need a pick me up I go to that book and listening to Joe Jameson's voice gives me hope that I too will be loved in this precious way.  Honestly this is why the Spires books and Boyfriend Material are so special to me: These are stories about people who think they are broken and the men that show them that they've never been broken actually. They get to hear "I love you however you are. But also who you are is a person who can do things so you don't have to stagnate like this." It was so healing to read about I cannot even tell you.

If you're looking to check Boyfriend Material out you need the audiobook I promise you!! I will hook you up bestie just let me know 😉

Oh also my main platonic or romantic deal breaker is a combination of apathy and lack of thinking deeply about things (the reverse is also true - I find people who are passionate and think deeply about art and life super attractive. Those are the people I keep in my life).

thank you for these questions I clearly loved them lol. now i want to know all of these things about you! what are your favorite books? what do you find most attractive/unattractive in a person?

[jimposts]

fuck it imma make serperate posts about self inserts lore bc I genuinely have a tonnn

I'll start with persona 4 since I'm most thinking about it

CW: mentions of sexual activity, spoilers for persona 4

I always assign my Self inserts with the Letter J, it's funnier when you see my most developed ones. Like J w/ Mari Wright. Anywaysy

J met Adachi back in highschool. J is a foreigner from the US who is now living in Japan due to their parents jobs. J in this time considers themselves not as a woman or a man. They don't exactly know, but they don't care what people call them.

J wears the stereotypical swirl anime glasses, mainly since they think it's funny. They have a messy haircut, one that rarely gets cut besides a here and there tirm. They wear a long skirt as apposed to the shorter skirts provideed.

Adachi at first doesn't care for J, just a girl who lives next door. But as the two get closer, he changed his opinion. A friend he can depend on, someone who will listen to his problems about school and anything in general. The two do have a fwb relationship. It never bothered J, but Adachi always wished for something more. The remain friends in college and in the workplace.

Most people assume that both are dating each other. Adachi doesn't seem against the idea, but denies it whenever it's brought up. J shrugs it off, they don't mind either way. J appearance has also changed. Instead of their shaggy messy hair, it's more short and well maintained. J has also gained weight over the years, but it doesn't bother Adachi. He prefers it actually, especially in bed.

Soon, J is placed in Inba for the police station down there. It's a tearful goodbye, since the two were so used to each other everywhere. They have one last night together, and the next day J is gone. Adachi tries to recover, move on. But he just can't, soemthing is keeping him. The two call over phone, making sure to keep the other informed. Adachi sometimes jokes about going to Inba and "stealing" J. Nothing comes of it though. Soon, he himself is placed in Inba. While he's upset to be leaving the city, he feels a secret joy to seeing J again.

He keeps a secret from J until the day he drives to Inba. Adachi didn't intentionally get an apartment that was right next to J's but he couldn't be happier. J was happy too! A long hug was exchanged between the two. J was happy to introduce Dojima and his daughter, local places, and their favorite area's. Adachi was happy to listen, but he was more concerned about J's love life.

J tells him that while they haven't been with people romantically, they have flirted with a couple of people while in Inba. Adachi feels jealous, maybe even offended. He convinces J to sleep with him that night, just like they used to. He's extra rough that night, and notable more needy.

Overall, Adachi really loves J. He doesn't want to admit it though, especially since J isn't really a girl. This doesn't affect the persona 4 plot at all, it still plays out the same.

But J can be seen having conversations with Dojima and Adachi. They also have a cut scene with Naoto, talking about their own gender experiences. They can be seen mentoring Kanji from time to time.

The player can talk with J , and form a social link with them. ( Need to think about arcana) You can only reach rank 9 until after adachi's fight. They'll talk about their past with Adachi, along with their relationship with gender. You cannot date them, they'll reject you constantly.

During November, they can be seen less and less. They care for Dojima as he's in the hospital. They talk with Adachi more and more, depending on him. Adachi feels this a great opportunity to start a relationship with them. J feels conflicted, but accepts. After confronting Adachi, J asks Dojima about him. Dojima cannot bring himself to tell J. J is worried for Adachi, so they check every place they can. Including Junes.

If the player reached the social link with Adachi to where you can confront him yourself in the TV, there is a few differences.

Mainly that J is with him, unconscious.

Its explained that Adachi took J into the TV with him, that them looking for him was a sign they were truly loyal. No matter what, they'll be his.

During the final battle, J can be seen still unconscious. They don't wake up until the player fights ameno-giri. They cheer you on. They'll have special lines if you reached rank 9 social link, have Kanji, and or have Naoto on your team.

After, they help carry Adachi out. They stay with him as he is taken to the police station. If the player reached 9 rank social link, the next morning j will go over to the player's house. J apologizes for Adachi, understanding if the player doesn't want to be friends anymore. The player has options and depending on which, you can break the social link. If you don't want to be friends, they'll understand and leave. You cannot speak to them anymore, they won't respond. If you choose to forgive them, they'll ask if you are lying. They'll cry afterwards. You can comfort them or leave them be. If you comfort them, they'll be your family from the days going forward. If you don't, they'll still be close by.

J will now be seen more and more in the Dojima's household. Days Dojima is gone, they can be seen in his chair. Otherwise they are sitting with Nanoko. They don't talk about Adachi. But it is implied they do go see him from time to time.

I'm not gonna write anymore holy FUCK. I'll write the accomplice ending stuff and golden ending soon tho!!! Dwww

[tnlbarth-blog]

July 29 2023 - 5:50pm

Warning: All people places and things resembling any real people places or things are merely coincidence and are not to be taken as such.

Despite this past week being the deathiversary of my father I have actually been in a good mood. I know it sounds strange especially since I posted every day this week about him. You would think that maybe I would still be sad. But to be honest I think writing about it really helped. I am not saying I didn't mourn him at all because I did. I cried and everything. But I did that primarily while writing about him here.

This week I spent the time with myself. I did a lot of reflecting. On myself, my father, mother and my past in general. It was much needed and I am glad I did so. I learned a lot about myself and my life as a whole.

I found myself enjoying my music dancing and singing to the songs in my room alone. Laughing and having a good ol' time. I played video games and for once I wasn't using them as an escape. Which for a long time is what I used to do. I watched a remake of a nostalgic anime from my childhood and enjoyed it laughing at it and having a good time.

I think this week I truly embodied what it is like to truly feel grateful for what I have. I haven't been able to do that in a long time.

Since I was a kid I have had to deal with a lot of things that I didn't know how to handle. And I was good at practicing my gratitude but some time in High school I lost that. And after highschool I jumped into an abusive relationship with a diagnosed Sociopath. Then after him I hopped into another relationship with another abusive man. All along being friends with people who lied to me and didn't really like me since middle school.

I had become suicidal in highschool and it progressed up until Christmas Eve 2019. I attempted to end my life and was taken to the hospital where I spent a week in a mental health facility. After I left I made sure to change my life the best I could then the Pandemic happened. And I lost my job and gained the weight back that I had been losing. The Pandemic was hard on me. My fears of leaving my home started to get worse but my brother helped make sure I still left my home. By the end of 2020 though I moved in with my now ex boyfriend's family. Early 2021 I moved out and back in with my family after being bullied and abused by him and his family. Then last year I finally broke up with him and those friends that lied and secretly hated me.

Honestly last year was one of the toughest years I have been through and I would be lying if I said I didn't think about suicide every once in a while. But I never picked anything up to hurt myself and in fact I fought myself on it hard knowing that I wanted to live for once. I was miserable last year and scared. I knew that if I broke up with them my whole life would change. And I had to wrestle with that until the pain got too much to bear.

Since 2019 I'd started working on myself too. I wanted to change. I wanted to be a better person. Before then I had tried but I didn't know where to start but when I was in the mental health facility they gave me resources that pointed me in the right direction.

In 2021 I got into Tiktok which helped improve my mental health and I ended up tripping over a guy who sold a self-help book. And last year I bought it and began to learn from it. I worked hard at going through and working on myself doing the exercises and listening to song recommendations he left in the book for me. I cried a lot. To be honest his book gave me the hope that one day I would be happy again.

And jumping back to today. I have worked so hard on myself. Making sure that I am indeed a truly happens and authentic person. And I celebrate myself every day. I look for proof that I matter. I accept my drawbacks and flaws and make adjustments changing what I can and embracing what I can't.

Today I was so happy. I was out shopping with my brother. We got gas station pizza (which I loved) and at the store they were selling a dad joke book which I read through the store to my brother loud enough for others to hear. And getting laughs and giggles from them.

I wore a crop top today as well. I looked good as a big beautiful woman. I turned heads everywhere I went. And even got the attention of the creeps (I didn't care for those guys.) I got the attention of older ladies too with all their judgment. I think they hated me because I embraced my body while they covered theirs while being much smaller and more "attractive" and socially acceptable than myself. I didn't let it bother me which I think made them even more angry at me.

I have been sitting here after getting home and putting the groceries away thinking about how thankful I am to be where I am right now.

I have been looking back to last year where I thought for sure I was dying or going to die. I was scared all the time and sick because my immune system was reacting to my mental health being in traumadrive and burnout due to my relationship with my most recent ex, the state of the world and my country and my relationship with my ex friends. I was literally going through my own personal hell.

Now even though I only ended those relationships I feel like I am thriving as I continue to wait for myself to get out of burnout. I am still very tired all the time but I am getting better. I have hope now for my future and that is way more than I could think about having last year.

I know that everything will work out for me. It has so far and that is all I need to move forward. I am thankful for what I have now and that is all I need to thrive. I am thankful for my past self who worked so hard to get me here. I am excited to meet my future self tomorrow and the next until my last one. The world may be going to crap but I am happy.

Regards

TNL Barth

[ghostsandbunnies]

whenever I'm sad, I think about my Great Grandpa Jones.

My grandpa Jones was a good man. up until the day he died, he made sure to tell you that he had all of his original teeth. He was very proud of that fact. He also liked to tell you that in 1912, that the only thing you needed to get a drivers license was that you knew how to read, and you had clean teeth- so at the age of 5, he knew how to drive, and would frequently go to the grocery store for his mom to get a carton of eggs, a block of cheese, and a box of cigarettes. (He never needed to worry about the milk- they still delivered it) He spent more times talking about how he met the love of his life, Ruth; how he brought her to America from Sweden than I could count every bone in my body.

Everyday my Grandpa Jones ate fried eggs over easy, with white toast and orange juice, and a shot of vodka. He lived until 102. His death certificate says 99, but we all know better- because he made it clear to remind us that they didn't give out birth certificates until they were sure the baby was alive for more than 2 years. Charles Jones was a chief of the fire brigade in Miami Florida for 20 years. Then he retired and became a baker. He finally retired baking at the age of 85, after breaking his hip for the third time.

My grandpa was known by everyone in his small town, and his kindness was infectious. He gave my step-dad his inheritance early to help pay for court fees. He listened to my secrets, and swore he would take them to his grave. He would give a winning smile, even on his worst day and say that things were always okay- because he's breathing. He stood up for what was right, no matter what. Even if it meant telling his children and grandchildren to knock it off at 97. He encompassed the vibe of "Here for a good time".

After he died, he visited me in my dreams twice. It's only ever been when I needed it most. The first time was a few weeks after he died- I was at the lowest in my life. I was just starting my sophomore year of highschool and nothing felt... right. He came to me in my dream and said to me: "You're thinking too much, just remember that you're not as trapped as you think you are. Remember that you're loved, even when you don't think you feel it. I'm always with you. Tell your father I'm okay, I'm with Ruth."

the second time he came to me was many years later- I had long since graduated high school, hell- I even moved across the country. He said to me "You didn't tell him that I'm safe in heaven with Ruth- so you better tell him this time. I see you, I love you."

I won't lie to you that I feel a bang of guilt admitting this- it's been three years since that dream.. I still haven't told my step-dad like i'm supposed too. Mostly because I can't tell if it'd hurt my dad, or give him the closure he needs.

Great Grandpa Jones died over ten years ago, and it took me leaving my abusive home, finding therapy, getting diagnosed with C-PTSD and DID (as well as many others), to make me realize when he was telling me that he loves me- he really meant it.

[darkmatters-ghost]

Speaking of AI in fandoms, I'd love to bring AI Fanfiction to the discussion. Because that's been eye opening. (I'm also too stupid at art to really understand how much work goes into one image.) It's serious theft, it's a robot puking back up what it's seen before and you can feel it in the writing it makes. It claims in the narration that the characters are feeling things and learning when that isn't what's happening. Nothing real is going on. And you can feel it in Every. Single. Sentence. It's honestly horrible, and I've been against it since its creation. But recently I noticed something absolutely insane and disheartening.

I'm a senior in highschool (17, going on 18), and all of the new sophomores are using AI. All of them. These 15 year olds are openly talking about their use of AI fanfic and AI fanart. And listening to them rattle on and on about how cool it is to have a way to bring these things to life via AI made me realize something. These kids aren't trying to be thieves. It's not that they lack morals, or are lazy. They haven't thought about the full implications of it, sure, but there's an underlying issue here.

They're using AI because they don't think they can make anything worthwhile themselves. And that makes my blood boil.

Something about AI is making these kids think that the only way to enjoy fan content the way they picture it in their head is to have something more "qualified" to do it. AI is telling these kids that they suck at art. That they suck at writing. And that there's nothing they can do about it. And they're just young enough to accept that.

And y'know what? They probably do suck. But that's a good thing! The best thing about fandom is the way it uses people's passion for their favorite things and turns it into skill.

We all sucked at what we do when we were younger. I sucked at grammar when I started writing. My concepts were killer but my execution was just abysmal. But my love for the original content fueled me to keep going. To keep trying and I'd say that now my writing is pretty darn good. I see such talented people draw wonderful things because fandom made them practice. Fandom constantly brings out the best in people. We're really good at these things now. We don't need a dumb robot to do it worse.

But fandom has changed. Now there's an easy way to create something without becoming a creator. These insecure kids are entering fandoms with that concept in mind. And when they see that they suck, they hit that ever present roadblock of worrying you won't get better. But now they have an out. While we all had to figure out how to get over said roadblock, they just pressed the skip button, because it was there. They skipped the most important thing you could possibly learn in life, because some a-hole made a skip button.

It's like they're sequence breaking life, missed a power up, and feel like the only way to succeed is to keep using the cheat code that got them stuck in the first place.

These poor kids, man. AI isn't just the death of creativity, it's the death of ambition, and self-esteem. These kids aren't the problem, they're the victims. Victims of this toxic mindset that AI put into their heads.

I'm starting to see AI art in fanart tags and even when they are tagged as AI art, people in the reblogs tagged it as fanart.

Let me just say this once. I don't believe AI art is fanart. The way things are, it's theft. It doesn't count. The effort that fan artists put into their works cannot be equated in value with whatever an AI generates. The works with hours of applied skill and originality and love put into them are the works I want to praise on this blog.

So that being said, if I ever reblog "fanart" that is ai generated, please send me a message or an ask and let me know so I can delete it off my blog.

[damien-mlm]

Mercy (Chris Alba x Bo Sinclair)

It was the third night since the tourist bus arrived at Ambrose, its driver and passengers never to be seen again, all except one. Cande had counted them, she knew there was one missing, Vincent had already turned the rest of the salvageable bodies into sculptures, the ones that were too maimed were given to Lester for him to dispose of. Still, there was one missing, and curiosity was eating away at her.

"Hey, Vinny?" she called, sitting cross-legged on his small cot in the basement, he was busy sketching, but hummed to signal that he was listening.

"What happened to the last victim? I saw all of them during the tour and counted them, there's one missing."

Vincent put down his pencil to sign while still looking at his sketch, "Bo asked me to leave the gothic looking man to him, why do you ask?"

But before he could look up, Cande was gone. He couldn't help but grimance and sigh under his mask, he fucked up.

It was around 4 am, Cande had grown accustomed to Vincent's sleep schedule, or lack thereof, so it was easy for her to just sneak around town while Bo slept. She had learned how to pick every lock in town, no door was ever closed for her.

She knew that the last victim had to still be in Bo's basement, and she was curious. After all, the only times Bo ever kept a victim for so long was when he had been in a particularly bad mood lately, or more than normal, or he had a personal vendetta against this person. 

Now, before the tourists arrived Bo was his usual self, an asshole, but not too much of an asshole. What struck as something weird to Cande was how Bo's mood changed since the bus had arrived. He was ever so slightly… kinder? Not so much of an asshole. So Cande needed to figure out what was going on in that basement.

Chris was a light sleeper, so when he heard the lock on the door open, so did his eyes. He was still strapped to the chair, and he was hoping that the unusual time for Bo's visit meant he would finally come and kill him.

But when he looked, it wasn't Bo who opened the door. He was surprised, but glad he could at least see an old friend before he met his maker, even if she didn't seem to remember him.

Cande slowly opened the door and peeked inside, noticing the guy strapped to the chair shifting awake, he looked… fine. He wasn't visibly hurt, and she swore she saw Bo sneaking extra food and water whenever he came over to his workshop, had he just been taking care of this dude this entire time? Why-

"Hey, Cande. How 's it going?" 

Cande froze and looked at the man with big doe eyes, only a handful of people knew her real name, much less how to pronounce it correctly. Once the puzzle pieces fit together, she finally recognized him.

".... Chrissy?" 

He gave her a warm smile in return, "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Oh… MY GOD-UH!!" Cande exclaimed, jumping closer to the chair, "CHRISSY, IT'S YOU!! I haven't known anything of you since you graduated highschool, man!! Where have you been?" There she is, she hasn't changed a bit, Chris thought to himself while giving a small chuckle.

"Oh, you know, here… there… just wandering around in circles" he said.

Cande brought a chair so she could sit closer to Chris, they had a LOT of catching up to do.

Chris explained he had been touring the country after paying respects to his family, which is how he ended up in his current situation. Cande herself explained how she ended up in Ambrose, too. Not only surviving but as a permanent resident. They spent hours talking and didn't even realize it was past 7 am. They were so caught up in their little reunion, none of them seemed to realize Bo had arrived to do his usual work.

Cande was sloppy, though. She forgot to relock the doors after breaking into the gas station. This alerted Bo to throw everything aside and rush to the basement, shotgun in hand. He kicked the door open and aimed directly to the chair, only to meet a stunned looking Cande, in the middle of gesturing with her hands, and Chris, still tied up, listening to her.

"What in tarnation- Candelaria! What 're ya doin' down here?!!" He shouted, setting the gun down.

"Bo Bear!! I was just catching up with my old bestie here!" She exclaimed, totally unfazed by his rising rage.

"Don't call me-!... Wait… y'all know each other?" 

"It's a long story…" Chris said calmly. 

Cande disregarded Bo's presence altogether, turning back to Chris, "You look so different tho! I couldn't recognize you! You got tattoos, longer hair, u also look more tired than usual…." Chris chuckled at this, and she continued talking, ignoring Bo completely, "Oh! I got a tattoo as well!! It says "peachy", I'm gonna let you guess where-"

"Alright, das' enough…" Bo said, grabbing Cande by the wrist and pulling her out of the room.

"Aw, come oooon~" Cande whined, "I'll see you later, Chrissy!" She said, aggressively waving at the trapped man as she was being dragged away by Bo, the way a parent would drag a child away from the candy isle in a shop.

Chris could hear Bo scolding Cande from downstairs, followed by a loud noise, Bo exclaiming, and Cande giggling as she ran out the door.

A minute or two later, he could hear Bo shuffling with some paper bags before stepping back downstairs. His heart was beating fast, as much as he had grown fond of the murderous mechanic, his plans hadn't changed, and now more than ever, he felt he was finally at the finish line.

Or so he thought.

Bo took a deep breath before opening the door, sauntering in the room while rubbing the back of his head, his cap abandoned upstairs, paper bags in his free hand. He took Cande's place in the chair next to Chris, then looked at him quizzically, "Care to explain what was al' that?"

Chris shrugged "Cande, I guess?" Bo scoffed at him.

"So! I see you have a shotgun there, is today my lucky day?" Chris said, shifting into a more sit-up position.

Bo looked at the gun, then back at Chris, "Mmm, I don' think so, darlin'..." He said, opening one of the paper bags, and pulling out a PB&J sandwich and motioning to feed Chris, "Open up…"

Chris grew rapidly frustrated, and moved away from the sandwich while giving a loud sigh. Bo dropped his hand on his own knee and looked at the man, "What?"

"Don't 'What?' me!" Chris snapped back, "Just how long will you keep taking care of me? I knew damn well what I was getting myself into when I accepted your invitation to your house! And yet here I am, alive and not a single scratch on me! Just…" he was breathing heavily with impatience, "What are you waiting for?? Just kill me already!"

Bo was taken aback, Chris had been nothing but patient and obedient the couple days, sure, he was always asking about his inevitable demise, but he had never raised his voice like this before.

Truth was, Bo didn't want to kill Chris. Hell, he didn't even want to make him crack anymore. He just hoped like a fool that he could care for this man until he fled, then send Vincent to finish the job. They had gotten to know each other quite well in the past few days, and Bo wanted to know more. Now he knew he could ask Cande about Chris and his past, but where would be the satisfaction in that? What if Cande didn't know what he wanted to know? 

Silence fell between the both of them, it had finally dawned on Bo… Why do I want to know him so badly?, he thought to himself, genuinely puzzled at his newfound feelings.

Chris, on the other hand, just stared at the wall, his frustration making him cry silently, he even had the chance to say goodbye to his old friend. "Just, kill me please…" he said quietly, making Bo look up at his teared up gaze, "Believe me, at this point, it would be mercy to do so…"

Without saying anything, Bo set the food on a nearby table and looked around in a drawer. Chris' face lit up when he saw Bo approach with a rusty old scalpel. Finally… he thought as he braced himself for the familiar sting of a blade across his skin. Only for it to never come.

Bo was cutting the tape, letting him loose completely.

"What…?" Chris was confused, he rubbed his wrists and sat up straight, finally able to move, still, he didn't run away, he just looked back into Bo's eyes, expecting him to attack, or, at the very least, answer.

"You said it would be merciful to kill you. Well, darlin' I'm not a man of mercy. So I won't."

Chris was stunned, unable to speak or even look away from the other man's eyes, he kept looking, searching for a hint of a lie, he had to be lying.

"Come on now, darlin', have your breakfast. I'll be upstairs waitin' for ya." Bo said before grabbing the shotgun and going up to his garage and starting work for the day.

Bo couldn't bring himself to lay a finger on Chris anymore, and he had no idea why. Cande would be a pain in the ass if she got to know that he hurt Chris. Yeah… it wasn't him, it was Cande. He kept repeating this last thought over and over, trying to convince himself of the lie.

Bo wanted Chris all for himself.

Around 1600 words, I hope y'all like it!

Chris Alba is my OC, Candelaria Ramírez is @mr-trick 's. The "Grand Trine" AU is a collab between the both of us.

Taglist: @rottent33th @slaasherslut @the-pinstriped-hood @moon-of-desire @allthingsblood @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @texaschainsawslvt

[quinn-in-hell]

Heartslabyul reacting to their s/o coming out as FTM

A/n: back to my silly gay antics and honestly, being back in writing feels good?? I forgot having people like your work felt like since i haven't felt it since like?? Freshman year of Highschool and I graduated in may. ANYWAYS, heartslabyul gays rejoice, I'm here to f e e d.

🌹Riddle Rosehearts🌹

He has most likely has never met or dated a trans person person before

Then again I don't think he's met a lot of people throughout his childhood

While he wouldn't understand your issues at first, he'll read up on it and try to understand your issues

Gets VERY worried when he reads about some of the more grim issues in the trans community

once he understands, he's by your side and supports you

he'll mess up with pronouns at first but he quickly corrects himself and works on getting your pronouns right ever time

it's off with your head to any one who dares misgenders you on purpose

you are his king and like him, you also deserve respect

he isn't going to let anyone disrespects his rose like that

♣️Trey Clover♣️

He supports you unconditionally

if you felt a bit nervous from coming out to him, he's here to comfort you

Amazing at comforting you during days your dysphoria is at it's worst

Bakes you some of your favorite treats during these days as he reassures you that you are a man, no matter what.

He doesn't tolerate transphobes

He isn't violent but if the transphobe is in heartslabyul

he's fine reporting it to Riddle, or putting laxitives in the transphobes food

but if you want to throw hands with them, Trey will turn a blind eye as you beat their ass

You might get scolded for beating up someone but he still loves you the same

♦️Cater Diamond♦️

Hella proud of you for coming out

He's seen some people, on magicam and in real life, come out and speak about how hard it is to come out

He's happy you feel safe enough to tell him about your identity

He will proudly show you off to everyone as his super cute boyfriend, on and offline.

Like the rest of the boys, he isn't ashamed to be with you.

Nothing in the world could change that.

If a transphobes starts picking at you, just like vil, Cater fucking ends their life on Magicam

They won't get away from the backlash now or ever

♥️Ace Trappola♥️

Is overall chill with it

"Oh, you're a guy? Cool, I got a boyfriend now."

This doesn't change the fact Ace will still tease you here and there

teasing is gender neutral

Sometimes messes up with pronouns but he gets better with time

if someone his transphobic to you, it's on S I G H T

Who tf do they think they are?

Yeah, it's a magic battle right there

even if he loses, he can still throw hands

♠️Deuce Spade♠️

A little confused at first but once you explain, he's very supportive

He takes a little to adjust to your pronouns but Ace has caught him practicing just to get it right

If you're having a bad dysporia day, he's there for you 110% percent!

Reassures you that you're just as much of a man as he is and while he may not understand your problems fully, he's always there to listen and support you

Another one to fight a transphobe

One of the few times he'll let his delinquent self slip out

He's going to protect your honor, even if you did say to not fight them

A/n: I finished this after waking up due to a nightmare that sparked a bit of anxiety in me to the point I can't sleep. Also there's supposed to be a cold front and some storms today and tomorrow, you really can't have shit in my state. Anyways hope you liked it! please note Ace and Deuce were written at 6 am so brrrrrrrrrrrr