#man . i feel like i am about to go insane
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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Finn
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
*slams hands on table*
it’s HERE !!!!!!
#HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHAHAHAHA#HEHEHEHHEEHHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHHEHHEHEHEHE#Boss finn fans REJOICE#I love this man so much you do not understand#I am so normal about him#I cannot express in words how happy this update made me#I have been going fully insane ever since it was announced#yk I feel like there aren’t that many boss finn fans out there compared to some of the other characters#but we make up for it by being actually insane about this man.#Potionomics#potionomics fanart#indie game#indie games#boss finn potionomics#potionomics boss finn#boss finn#art#artists on tumblr
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ok i need to go to bed but also ive been thinking about this and i need to put it out,;
those fics, either entirely sex or only with references to it, that capitalize on marvin’s definite misogyny and internalized homophobia are scrumptious as fuck but ESPECIALLY the ones where they specifically mention him being disgusted with doing things sexually (or not) that he perceives as feminine. not just bottoming though, giving a blow job (specifically on his knees or when he’s being maneuvered by his partner. manhandled if you will.) or simply being called pretty by a man. giving up his power in a hookup or a date, the other person paying or taking the responsibility of taking marvin out rather than the other way around. i eat that shit up i love it. even when he and whizzer are back together, he’s better but im sure he still has a long way to go especially in his view and treatment of women. maybe he sees whizzer as an ‘equal’ now in the relationship, doesn’t expect him to play the traditional role of a woman, but the misogyny still comes out to play when he talks to trina im sure of it. or, i hate to say, with cordelia and charlotte. i wont deny being besties with a lesbian couple definitely did wonders for his world view but he has years of this kind of thinking and behavior to undo. i just am fucking obsessed with the exploration of that in fan work.
#i say ‘person he’s with’ as if it’s anyone but whizzer#first exposure to this was a fic of he and whizzer hooking up and he got mad about whiz putting his hand in marvin’s hair during a bj#and then calling him pretty#he was like ‘i’m not a fucking woman. stop touching me like one’#special shout out to how he definitely also overcompensates in masculine behavior for being gay#probably more aggressively pre baseball game but he def still does post#he’s a traditionally masculine man to begin with#i don’t know if this was intentional by cborle in his portrayal but in the revival he feels very ‘i’m a Man i am a Father im a manly man’#anyways thinking#always thinking#jay is going batshit insane#jay is jabbering#jay is going to BED#falsettos#falsettos 2016#marvin gardens#marvin falsettos
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Which do you prefer, Spideypool or Poolverine?
glances at my decade-long running spider-man and deadpool blog
...hm. good question. i'll have to think about th
#sci speaks#contrary to what people may think. i actually do like spideypool#and it actually. is my favourite.#crazy insane. i know.#i don't know i just don't think logan/wade are end game. logan has got way too much other stuff going on to wind up with wade.#i just think it's hot when logan and wade kiss and stuff.#but i think it will always be hate fucking and will never be stable.#but spideypool... yeah. they're each other's brand of loser. they can make it work.#hi everybody i don't know if you know this about me but. i like spideypool. (sorry)#weirdly i think peter/logan would even work better than wade/logan. am i weird for that?#maybe it's just what i've read. but peter and logan have more mutual respect for each other in a weird way.#it feels more like a balance of powers. whereas with logan and deadpool wade does always kind of feel. like a doormat.#i know logan IS better than that but it's just what i see in a lot of portrayals. wade feels like dirt when he's standing next to logan.#whether logan treats him like dirt or not. doesn't matter. that's how wade feels. wade feels like dirt.#i really like wade being in relationships where he doesn't feel like dirt. 👍 big fan of that.#sure there are plenty of portrayals that have wade feel like dirt when he's with spider-man too. but... not the way i write them.
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Ash via IG
#i cannot express to you how important this 5 second video is to me#oh but your bet your ass I'm gonna try lmao#5sos#5 seconds of summer#ashton irwin#ashton#ai ig#Instagram#video#kh4f post#how insane would i sound if i told you i was just days ago lamenting the loss of the green couch#been so long since we'd seen it couldn't recall seeing it in the new house figured it got tossed#she LIVES#and not only did she survive but she continues to thrive by facilitating this moment i am actually going insane about#this man. in a tank & shorts. sprawled out. on the green couch. playing guitar. as a breeze gently blows greenery outside the window.#have i had this fantasy before? let's not act like the answer is no.#oh i feel actually insane rn.#listen#his thighs#listen.#green couch#✋🏻 i can't#i have to go#this has been my official breakdown. referring to both this video and my general mental condition#🚀 ☀️
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oh my fucking god i feel. SO stupid rn at How i didnt make the (super sane very normal just absolutely. Yes. Surely) connection earlier but uhh
so anyway im now like 89% certain that whatever the "traces" of the narwhal that remain on ajax and facilitate their (ever-growing) innate connection are like. an actually fundamental aspect of it (them?) more or less.
why? because if you consider its pov just for a moment. the narwhal was literally about to depart teyvat for good. it had nearly finished consuming the primordial sea and preparing to breach surface to finish the job by eating the french for the leftovers their human bodies were made from. its an interstellar voyager it does not linger on planets it devours. it goes glug glug and it leaves.
and like if it wasnt for traveler intervening its confirmed through narzissenkreuz and renes world formula that teyvat wouldve just been destroyed. no one could have stopped the narwhal not neuvillette not focalors not anyone.
so what was the one other thing it did right before going for that french brunch? calling for ajax. getting them reunited in the primordial sea. like all the possible implications aside bc theres many different ways to speculate on the exact reasons why and the nature of that link. the point remains.
it wasnt leaving teyvat without finding him.
like the narwhal is about to fucking Dip from this cringe planet and whatever part of it that ajax carries within himself his narwhal Absolutely wanted to be reunited with. what the fuck am i supposed to read from that. hoyo???????!??! answers?!?!?!
and its not only the calling from the narwhal side itself either bc this is ALL coinciding with the growth of a 'restless power' within ajax and his vision malfunctioning (the things celestia is literally confirmed to harvest energy thru to repair its damaged authority) and his connection with the narwhal reaching an actual conscious level (arguably subconscious n emotional too bc i find it Curious his mood is poor right as the narwhal is repeatedly described as positively malding to the point its boss fight mechanic is literally a rage meter). ajax' power is growing. his destiny is starting to shift and something is drawing him to fontaine... right as the narwhal is getting close to finished with the primordial sea. funny how it overlaps eh. how it aligns 🤨🤨 why are they orbiting each other like this (they should kiss)
(& not to even Mention how ajax just Happened to get that absolutely exponential and borderline unbelievable feat of power spike in extending his foul legacy endurance as massively as he did. while. within the primordial sea. with his narwhal. who had at that point all but incorporated the power of that sea into itself. i s2g if childe was getting passive home turf co-op bonus exp with a 4x multiplier automatically the whole 40+ days 💀💀)
#man the way its lovely reunion but tjen ajax fucking ATTACKS IT ON SIGHT you couldve gotten married!!!!11!1 fucking unbearable i am in agony#anyway contrary to popular belief we still have no fucking clue whether ajax' link to the narwhal was innate#skirk saying the traces remain on him after meeting it isnt saying tht much. the parts he shares w it couldve well been innate but dormant#instead. also just the fact that he woke it up already shady#then like. monoceros caeli being his from the beginning is completely plausible despite ppl acting like its been confirmed his const change#and like them being halves of the same entity on some lvl would make the narwhal being so weak without him n until ajax found it again#make very much. sense. anyway ajax toxicity jokes aside if the narwhal was just trying to eat him point blank without even a hello#i do get why hed react aggressively. but also bros been telling everyone n their mom hes fighting his narwhal the seconf he finds it again😔#so i feel somewhat confident in assuming he started that 40+ days brawl#anyway if ajax Isnt the celestial narwhal on some level or possibly becoming it as their link grows.#riddle me this atheists. why is his 3rd phase boss theme. the song about His individual murderous rage at us#bc he thought he was outplayed by us. His personal wrath#whys the song for that called the wrath of the celestial narwhal. of the star swallowing whale. Hmmmge. his individual rage.#why does tusk of monoceros caeli speak of him embracing the narwhals innate qualities as embracing mere parts of Himself#funny how tjat goes!! (the OST n boss drop is not 100% serious theory but it does drive me insane. bc why would they phrase it like that)#anyway either theyre 2 halves same original entity or theyre soulmates idgaf . they should fold teyvat in half and eat it for brunch#aaand im going to be consumed by this realization for the next month wish me luck#WHY DID IT NEED HIM THERE SO BADLY???? HUH??????#i mean relatable dont we all. but its sooooooooo inch resting. Curious indeed#rambles#genshin#childe#childeposting#narwhalposting
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the picnic table scene
#this isnt going to make sense to literally any of you for a long time and im sorry about that#but FUCK was i writing this morning#man. man man man man Man the motivation Hit#this fic might get done after all...#i need. to go sleep. OUASGAHSAKJSNCADCLSKDVMS;#THEY MAKE ME INSANE THEY MAKE ME INSANE#YALL ALREADY KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT#THEY MAKE ME CRAZY AGH AGH AGH#ok. ok. ill sleep. and we'll see if the scene holds up when my brain is Refreshed#absolutely unprompted#throwing myself to the ground and howling#who do i need to BITE#oh 7 am me we're really in it now#literally getting myself too worked up. im. Emotional. i almost feel like tearing up#if that was something i could do lmao#fortunately crying does not come easily to me but in my heart im like. idk. Sobbing#anyway in order to calm down im gonna go think about something that makes me equally insane#which is the OG reason i designed a butterfly look for howdy. yass!howdy's origins <3#slamming my face through drywall ok bye im off to crazyville where i can catch a layover to sleepytown
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Back to what I do best (bare minimum Putting My Guys In Situations shitposts) 😌
Inspo under cut!!!
#fire emblem#feh#got so mad at my other thing i finished this one out of spite.#this shitpost is also what spurred on my recent fairy posts! really really funny and unironically cool#how shitpost redraws can just. help you get a better feel for a chara and/or their dynamics w other charas#or in this case makes you REALLY think about them like!!! yeah haha funny plumeria hatemail#but like how am i gonna draw her actually? how am i gonna portray her? i need to figure these things out as i go#which led to my redesign and oops! uh oh! she's in my brain now. she's taking on a life of her own.#i def needed the break/detour though... if i ever want to get to my fairy lore i have to. develop the fairy lore.#also kind of fucked up and evil i think i finally hit a point where i was tired of drawing alfonse. insane.#to be fair... that other project i've been working on.... has hands.#again just a much needed break/shifting of gears. it was a lot of fun!!!!!#this was a rush job though i will admit that. again. finished out of Spite.#okay okay now that i'm done complaining. about the piece itself i feel like i have to say#THE CHARACTERIZATION... IS SO PEAK SILLY HERE I LOVE IT SO MUCH. ESPPP SHARENA#sharena just being a yes man to moe. bc they're besties she HAS to be in its corner and defend its good name!!! 😤😤😤#moe just. being oppositional just for the sake of it. guy who loves to just Say Things so long as it gets a good reaction.#(CAN GO. SO POORLY FOR IT.)#alfonse.#i just loooove... putting guys in situations... it's soooooo fun#fe plumeria#sharena#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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Gotta love when you can tell that a character has absolutely been through/witnessed a form of The Horrors when the metaphorical light leaves their eyes.
#hsr 2.5 spoilers#hsr spoilers#yes this is about Jiaoqiu I am going insane over this man I cried way too much over him already#but also about Aventurine whom I have also profusely cried over and related way too hard back during the Penacony storyline#honestly I love that my Aventurine experience and my Jiaoqiu experience were exactly the same#(already liking them during the first patch and absolutely loving them the next patch and fully willing to give them the world)#the fact that Jiaoqiu's eyes during the first cutscene with Feixiao are lightless just like in his trailer#and then they regain light on the second#and when we find him again his eyes are lightless again because he's at death's door and fully planning to die#and the price he had to pay to help bring down Hoolay is making me sick and insane /pos#or at least as insane as knowing Aventurine only had light in his eyes as a child#gotta commend the writers this one was really good and feels like a more proper conclusion/continuation of the original Luofu storyline#honkai star rail 2.5#I have way too many thoughts about this patch and not enough rest to make them coherent#also love the Yaoqing Trio please do not separate them again after all of this#give at least one group/found family on the Xianzhou Alliance a BREAK darn it I say they deserve a vacation#after Feixiao and Moze gouge out Phantylia's eyes and hopefully find a cure for Jiaoqiu of course
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not gonna elaborate for now but why did none of y'all tell me the no.6 light novels were Like That (/pos in like a mildly baffled and mostly enthralled kinda way)
#like the anime didn't make nezumi nice per se but oh man is there a lot less 'sometimes i hate you so much i want to kill you. by the way'#type stuff going on like WHAT WHAT#shion and nezumi are both kind of batshit in the anime but the internal monologues in particular Really Add Something to it#smth smth putting the toxic in toxic yaoi#idk how i feel about it just yet i just know it's a Loud feeling#no.6#no.6 novel#i have found myself ensnared in their fucked up weird little dynamic as a helpless passerby#i am a tumbleweed in the duel at high noon that is their whole fucking THING they have going#i am. insane.
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If i start posting dc stuff on here, it means i lost the fight w myself. The demons won. Im sorry
#chattin#realistically i will be making a diff blog for it#bc its. its alot. and i dont want to engage w the fandom via posting#maybe.#but i def dont want to talk to anyone in there#there are so many white people from ohio in that fandom. ill die for real#ive ALWAYS liked bman and supes stuff. i just. well#theres too many comics. its too confusing. theres too many shows. too many contradictions#and really dogshit movies that are too grimdark for me to enjoy#prob the only fandom where i have to cherry pick the things i like out of the main series things#to make a story and set of characters i like wo making it feel overwhelmingly ooc#also. u cannot give me alien characters and NOT make me go insane#but no one is interested in it in the way i am. like w specbio stuff#this is what happenee w d/bz too. like where is the love of making goku a little monkey freak of nature and not Human w Superstrength#all the freaks are hiding from me. where are they…🥺#i dont care about canon lore for why clark is more human than youd think#thats BORING. more emphasis on the sun affecting him please.#i was about to write some incredibly suggestive specbio shit and realized thats not appropriate in these tags for This post#just know that i care. i care so much. all my alien ocs are weird. and i wanna do the same w supes#and i wanna do the sawe w the little mans#and i want to write humans dealing w the little things that remind them that hes an alien#the kitty eyes glint in the dark. the almost nonexistant heartbeat. standing motionless for hours at a time#weird vocalizations when hes ‘sleeping’. weird vocalizations that come out when hes happy or spooked#the way he flies. the way hes both indestructible but incredibly lightweight (or dense if u prefer)#ugh#ill make a blog for it. bc its gnawing at my brain now and it wont leave me alone
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oh captain my captain i didn't know what league of legends game was when i watched arcane. so i thought the plot was alright since i didn't (still don't) know the game lore. if it wasn't basically a prequel story, trying to aim the characters at the way they are in canon, do u think the plot and character arcs would have held up alright? or does that actually make the arcane canon story worse since it wouldn't at least have the existing canon as something it needed to land at eventually as an excuse for any "out of character" decisions? thank u
i wouldnt even call it a prequel story? its like a very elaborate au in a sense, one that feels comfortable changing things to a certain extent- clothes, personality adjustments, motivations, but they still have to hit certain beats. vi has to be an enforcer, jinx has to be a wild card harley quinn type, ekkos time powers ect ect. idk WHAT it is maybe the show needed more time or tighter focus or less characters but i just felt that like, some of the story decisions directly relating to LoL lore werent outright bad but didnt have a lot of time to breathe. the standout example being ekkos time thing, where when i watched that scene i assumed it was both a stylistic representation of a fight and establishing his and jinx's prior relationship (which is kind of too little too late considering they did not fucking speak once as kids pre time skip), and then i had to get a friend to explain to me for SEVERAL MINUTES that he literally died during that fight and it was supposed to be showing his rewind thing. it just wasnt clear at all and his character would not change in the slightest if he didnt have it. but you cant NOT include it so. *
really i have no clue the full extent of the story the writers wanted to tell and how much LoL is binding their hands on story beats. and i REALLY dont want to be inflexible considering i still have a full season coming up that might make me more receptive to certain decisions. but considering how much of the cast i REALLY like just straight up are not in the game, i think they are fully capable of making a solid story completely divorced from league
*someone in the comments told me apparently that Wasnt his time thing and my original read of the scene was correct so im not gonna hold it against the show.
#basically anytime i was like huh thats weird#my friend would lean over and go thats league shit#and then i just kind of sit there. Huh#asks#Anonymous#obviously its a massive step up from league both aesthetics wise and like. as a cohesive narrative#i hate you vi undercut/dreadlocks you are so nasty#but i read like this short except drabble from her bio on the website and. look im sorry#i kind of like that she fucking sucks#it gives her a direction at least#like theyre trying to align arcane violet with the choices of a version of her that seems completely antithetical#but again i cant even get that deep into it we dont know how long her fucking enforcer phase will last!#a month? a year? who knows! we dont even know if she likes it#and LoL vi clearly revels in that kind of violence#idk something about her shittiness made her more engaging#whatever i hope in season two she loses so many fights its important to me actually#like its insane this is going to sound so fucking mean but i like her less bc she wins so goddamn much#i compare her to like. gideon nav obviously but also the protagonist of monkey man#and both of those things kind of emphasize those characters losing Hard. chapter 2 of gtn is her getting her ass beat#it just makes the wins later more satisfying#but idk maybe its supposed to be balanced by her emotional losses but the story feels so. removed from it?#spent like 7 years in prison we see none of it she comes out of there like she wasnt incarcerated in an adult facility since age 15#and now a girl she spent at the LONGEST a week with but probably closer tk 2-3 days is the same level of emotional import as her sister#SHAKING the writers i am not SOLD why is she LIKE THIS#cough. anyway
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wip bc i keep writing shit like this that makes me want to sob while slamming my head into my desk. or to kill myself.
#like FUCK man#why did i write it like that#i am going to kill myself#over my own fucking writing#all because i cant stop thinking about how without wade logan is nothing and has nothing#without wade logan wouldnt be any sort of hero#i feel insane#deadclaws#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool x wolverine#wade wilson x logan howlett#wade wilson#logan howlett#logan howlett fanfic#wade wilson fanfic#deadpool fanfic#wolverine fanfic#fanfic#fanfic wip#writing wip#deadpool 3#poolverine
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Is there like.... anywhere or anyone I can talk to about wanting to die without feeling bad or triggering people
#tw#txt#cause i cant talk to him about it as it would trigger him#i dont want to trigger people here cause i know multiple people who have attempted#if i tell my family ill feel bad and theyll make me do something about it if that makes sense like theyll make me tell my psych or smth#i jjst dont fucking know how to handle it#ive always had slight feelings of wanting to die but its sooooo bad now#how do i handle yhat when i have no friends#etc#idkdidkdksoakdpcjwheic#im going fucking insane man#i just cant handle the thought of life without him as my partner and it feels so pathetic#but 8 years#and its just over with no conversation beforehand#idk i didnt deserve that#here i am repeating myselffffffffffgfg
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my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy
#j.txt#2024 elections#cannot imagine how american palestinians are feeling#it's genuinely... like i felt honest to god insane watching the boots on the ground journalists over there every day for like 4 months#and then going to work 5 days a week like any of this fucking matters#like nothing about this election can compare in my psyche to that like i'm not even trying to compare them but my brain like#changed shapes this year. and its shape now does not include a sense of urgency about fucking dollhouse barbie american politics after#experiencing all that. last year early this year#i still think about gaza every day but i'm privileged enough to have burned out obsessively getting updated every day#the ocean we swim in said this is normal now. israel committing genocide w our dollars is normal now#it's the same shit with the pandemic and i don't buy into it but the dissonance of the entire world around me spinning on that axis#while mine spins on a completely different one where thousands of people we could have saved are dead now#like sorry that is genuinely insane. i feel like my mind will actually break if i think about it for too long#it's a worldwide gaslight and it's Unfathomable that these political issues in my world#where thousands are dead. is not on my mom's political radar whatsoever like she's thinking about jesus and the housing market#like those thousands upon thousands of lives were never even REAL#i feel like i'm going crazy man it's so fucking ridiculous how am i supposed to take politics seriously with that split#like i know how and i still do but. can anyone here me it's just#it's genuinely a gaslight to think about it too long like i will feel like my reality is splintering
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"We're old moms, we can't wait to stop breastfeeding so we can get [very excited, shrill even] botooooox!!!"
We are never making it out of the patriarchy.
#every time i open instagram i see videos promoting botox for the moment you turn 20 and face lifts and plastic surgery#and skincare regimens that are not care at all but just fifty products to torture your skin (and spend money!!)#the ties between the patriarchy and capitalism that support one another are terrifying.#but not even that . i feel like i'm going insane#how did we in this day and age normalise so much of this shit#what happened to feminism... why am i seeing a man who works as a plastic surgeon#talking about ''when a client walks in and i know EXACTLY what she needs to change so i am able to get her to#sign up for four more procedures asides from the one she came here for ^_^'' i'm going to kill you.#beat you with rocks. do you guys know botox is a bacteria? do you guys know about botulism?#you throw away a can of food because it's slightly dented so you don't die from botulism#but you inject it straight into your forehead because someone told you signs you#lived a long life full of expressing your emotions guilt-free was what made you ugly#the way i see influencers who will call themselves feminists talk about those wrinkle-free straws... don't sleep on your side#don't breathe wrong don't crease your eyebrows don't smile don't cry don't drink from straws#you're all fucking insane. and wrinkles are caused by your skin losing elasticity. you will STILL have wrinkles#if you live long enough that is (<- can you see why it's a blessing?)
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