#mama cesa writes

[cesabutterflywrites]

Castiel goes to the empty. He is asleep. Then, Jack wakes everyone up. He is fighting through countless beings in the chaos. Jack isn't there. Death isn't there. The Empty is putting beings to sleep one by one. He's running, but going nowhere. He's pushing to be last to sleep. Then he runs into someone else who is running, who has been following him in his stationary walk.

"Well, Feathers, did you have something to do with this?" Crowley's voice chimes in. He's a shadow of his former self. He looks smaller, weaker, more tired. For familiar faces in a chaotic void, Crowley was one of the top three Cas wanted to avoid.

Cas doesn't answer because he needs to keep moving. He needs to stay awake. He can leave, he can leave, he can leave. Crowley follows him for a week before he's caught in the eternal slumber.

The next familiar face he runs into is Lucifer. He is angry. He is muttering to himself about how it's not fair, he shouldn't have been sent back, something about his father and being better than him. Cas decides not to engage because fighting seems to get everyone tired enough to succumb to the sleep. As more spirits go down, the harder it is to resist. As much as he'd love to put Lucifer down himself, he needs to survive. It's a miracle Lucifer doesn't notice him pass.

Cas is on his own, skirting around sticky souls groaning, trying to stay awake. He feels his mind weaken. How long had it been? No time in the Empty, there's no time in death for angels, not like for humans. He tries to ponder the meaning of humans in heaven reliving memories, and those in the empty sleeping forever.

Sleeping, so sleepy, so tired of running. Isn't he tired? Didn't he give up when he summoned the Empty to the bunker to save Dean? Dean. Dean would want him to keep fighting. Cmon man, I need you to get your feathery ass up and fight! Keep going! Keep going through the thick black ooze that creeps up his many limbs the further he goes.

He kneels. His whole form collapses in the void. Sleep wouldn't be so bad. He'd see Dean, dream of his life with Dean, get so close to touching Dean. One by one, his eyes close. One by one, his tattered wings curl around him like a silk sheet. He's tired of fighting. He can almost hear the Empty grin in satisfaction at his submission.

One more eye open, and he sees Something. There is something in the Empty. The ooze stops spreading around his spirit for just a moment. Then a loud crrrrrrraaack! Vibrates the entire dimension. But it's too late, he's tired, he doesn't want to wake up again and run again. Slowly is final eyelid closes.

Then he sees the last familiar face. Dean is looking up at him. That soul castiel put back together shines in the Empty. He's fighting through, shouting, calling. He's calling for Cas.

Cas doesn't know how Dean recognizes him. Even though his form is a building, he feels Dean's touch. Pulling on him with all of his little might. Snap out of it, Cas, wakeup! We gotta go. Cas must be dreaming but another eye opens to see Dean, a speck of light at his feet, starting to climb. It feels like an ant crawling the length of his body until finally, finally, Dean is on one of his shoulders.

Castiel opens another eye. Dean is brighter than ever. He's crying out for Cas to wakeup. He tugs on anything he can grab. It's real. Dean is there and he's trying to save Cas and what is Dean doing in the Empty why does he risk his life like this. Cas tried to tell him such, but Dean makes it clear he still doesn't speak Angel.

Cas rises from where he fell. He lets Dean guide him. He follows wherever Dean goes. There's a door, no way he could pass through something smaller than Dean, but once a piece of him touches the door-

"Cas? Cas, Cas cmon man. Wake up. Wake up! Please!"

"Dean...?"

Dean smiles, causing the river of tears on his face to curve. There's color in his skin-Cas' dreams were not doing that blush justice. His eyes were so green in that moment it was overwhelming.

That familiar face. That smile. This is the longest Dean has held Cas. Any moment they'd pull away, Cas tries to sit up. Dean must not have expected him to move so quickly because their foreheads push together. Dean laughs.

"I'm sorry," Cas says. Dean doesn't waver in his smiling, teary face. He cups Cas' cheek in his hand.

Dean kisses Cas and it doesn't matter that his face is wet from tears, it doesn't matter that Cas has only kissed a few times, it doesn't matter that Cas starts glowing at the sheer delight of having what he couldn't have before.

All that matters is he's awake.

He gets to see Dean's face.

[mamacesapublictalk]

https://youtu.be/qL7YNAyR5Xg

Check out my poem "A Sign for Leelah & Other Kids" on my YouTube channel! Thank you

[cesabutterflywrites]

Deceit:

So you tried to teach them a lesson

And in response, they brushed you aside

So this is where the deception will end

Now the Dark Sides won't hide

Sometimes the needs that we have

Are very important to heed

But there is where the problem lies

You never listen to me

Remus:

There are many ways to see

The way that life truly is

Stop trying to seem pure

When clearly you're not

Everyone has different wants to be met

So don't fool yourself, or you'll regret it for life!

Thomas:

You're wrong!

Deceit:

No

You had this problem where you thought that you were a good person

So when two events conflicted, you'd just shove your needs aside

I thought that I could show you that that kind of thing was untrue

Hoping that you'd protect yourself

Virgil:

And it backfired...

Deceit:

Yesss

I tried so hard

Thomas:

To lead me astray

Remus:

No he didn't!

Deceit:

I thought if I hid the dark parts you'd listen to me more, I'd protect you

Which was untrue

You don't have to hide yourself

You need to listen to your wants, fulfill your needs

Remus:

On the subject of needs...

I had this problem where I only popped up to just shout things randomly

Cause the other thought it was best for you to ignore me

They felt that it was best, they didn't want you to be stressed

But I finally had enough, staying silent was a bore

I tried not to hide

Virgil:

Look how that worked out

Remus:

It was good!

Virgil:

Not what you brought about!

Remus:

So what if it didn't help, he's more honest with himself

And now I'm free

Thomas :

Well this is going is going poorly

Virgil:

All you both do is annoy me

Deceit:

Oh of course

Virgil & Deceit:

This is just proof

Deceit/Virgil:

That you're overreacting / That your purpose serves nothing

Both:

Which just hurts

Deceit/Virgil:

Why won't you just listen to me/why don't you just leave

Both:

If you'd pay attention you'll see Thomas is-

Remus:

Hey bitches!

Vigil:

You're so weird

Remus:

Look at Thomas

Deceit:

He's right here

Thomas:

I just want to help my friends

And be the best person I can be

But It's draining

Deceit:

You don't need to feel bad

All of us are just trying to be part of you

Deceit/Remus/Virgil:

We won't hurt you!

Remus:

Perfection can not be obtained

Thomas:

And it can be such a strain...

Deceit:

That's why we're here

The Dark Sides:

There! Now you see

You put your friends above yourself

And it backfired

Thomas:

I'm so tired

Maybe I'll try to speak up

Remus:

I promise it works

Deceit:

It's what you need

Virgil:

You have a point, I'll admit. Maybe we'll find a place where you both can fit...

The rhythm of the original song is weird but I thought I'd try it anyways. I hope it's what OP had in mind

Incomplete (The Puzzle Song) from Learning New Things About Ourselves but it's a villain reprise from the 'dark' sides.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[cesabutterflywrites]

A Taste of Loneliness

A/N: This takes place alongside chapters five-seven of Prince in the Storm. I recommend reading that first if you get confused

Summary:  High school teacher Logan Charles has to call Patton Sanders to let him know that Virgil has detention. They make a plan together to help Virgil improve in his classes, and decide to work together to make sure Virgil succeeds with his senior year. Ao3

Word Count:  3621

-------------

In his entire thirty-five years of life, Logan Charles never had a soulmate, and he was okay with that. 

Logan had spent most of his childhood going to doctors, specialists, and even non-medically certified practitioners. He’d spent time trying to find answers into why his skin had no indication or inkling of a Marking like everyone else in the world had. His parents even opted to get a special type of x-ray done, but even then they couldn’t find a Marking. He recalled his mother wailing for him as if he was condemned to some horrible illness. His father always tried to comfort Logan over feelings he never had. 

Eventually, his parents stopped looking for answers, and Logan felt like he was able to breathe. Logan poured his entire being into the pursuit of knowledge. He spent all of his time reading, and experimenting, and joining clubs to make sure that he could learn about everything he could get his hands on.  Why wouldn’t he? It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. It wasn’t like he had anything to distract himself with. 

It wasn’t a terribly lonely existence. He watched his few friends drift away as they found the loves of their lives, and wouldn’t feel much loss. It was like he didn’t have any connection to anyone other than himself. He was comfortable in his skin, despite the anomaly of it being completely bare. It was as if he lived in his own universe. Logan felt at home in his solitude.

Once he was an adult, he had accepted that he must not have had a soul. This realization never bothered him. He never once wanted to seek what was missing in his life. 

------

Logan cleared his throat when the phone ringing stopped. “Mr. Sanders? This is Logan Charles, I’m a teacher at Kingston High School.” He was not looking forward to the potential reactions from his students’ parents whenever he called about disciplinary problems. 

There was a shuffle at the end of the line. “Sorry about that, Mr. Charles, I was stepping out of my office.”  

“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” Logan tried to make sure he sounded appropriately embarrassed. 

“No, no, it’s fine.” Mr. Sanders cleared his throat. His tone was more of a match for Logan’s professionalism now. “What can I do for you, Mr. Charles? Is everything okay?” 

“I just wanted to call you to let you know that I had to take disciplinary action with Virgil this morning.” 

Mr. Sanders gasped. “Oh my God, what happened?”  

“He fell asleep in class this morning. When I tried to have a conversation with him afterwards, he became very agitated and cussed at me.” Logan stated.  

The line was quiet for a few seconds. Logan was starting to wonder if maybe he hadn’t been gentle enough for this standard phone call when he heard the parent sniffle.  

“Thank you,” Mr. Sanders whispered.  “I’ll uh, I’ll talk to him.”  

Logan rarely had a parent cry on the phone with him. Maybe it was the free time on his hands, but he found himself asking, “Is this your first time getting news about Virgil’s troubles?” 

“No-” the sound of a nose being blown “-but this is so early in the school year. And he’s a senior, an- and  it’s been going on so long, and he’s never really gotten...gotten detention, and I’m so so sorry for crying like this!” Mr. Sanders had gotten more incomprehensible as he babbled on.  

“I understand,” Logan said, trying to hide his discomfort. He shifted in his seat. “From what I understand, Virgil has had issues in classes since his freshman year, correct?”  

Mr. Sanders hesitated, probably thinking. “Yeah, he has, but I thought he’d get over it on his own. And never with discipline .” Yes, the excuse most parents have about their kids , Logan thought bitterly. 

Immediately he shoved that thought aside. Something within him told him this wasn’t the average troublemaker problem. “May I ask a personal question?”  

“Go ahead.” 

“Has Virgil ever told you why he’s been having trouble in school? Do you know why he hasn’t been putting effort into his studies?” 

Mr. Sanders laughed bitterly. “Yes, yes I know. My husband died almost five years ago.”  

Everything in Logan halted before speeding up in a blur of questions. Five years ago? Were his parents soulmates? If not, Virgil must have had a hard time at home. If so, the man on the phone was probably the strongest person on the planet.  

Still, suffering a loss so young must have had its own troubles. Logan found himself astounded. How resilient must this father and son be, to be able to get out of bed in the morning? Logan never really understood loss to begin with, but he did know that surviving a soulmate death was nearly impossible. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Logan whispered. “Would you like some help with Virgil?”   

Virgil’s dad sighed very loudly into the receiver. “I’ve tried everything I can. I love him, I give him space, I give him attention, I even tried putting him in therapy. Nothing’s really stuck.” his voice grew more bitter. “ I’m close to asking my brother-in-law for help now.” 

“Brother-in-law?” Logan asked.  

“Oh, yeah,” Mr. Sanders sighed. “He’s Thomas Sanders. The superintendent.”  

Logan could tell that was such a touchy subject for this Mr. Sanders. The teacher in him wanted to help in any way he could. He knew Virgil was smart. He knew that Virgil was scared to try, and now he knew a bit of why.  

“I can try to help.” Logan offered softly. “I can help you with Virgil.”  

Mr. Sanders laughed sarcastically. A sound that even a stranger like Logan knew was foreign in his voice. “We’ll be fine. He’ll bounce back eventually. Detention oughtta work.”  

Logan felt something in him snap. “You can’t ignore this, Mr. Sanders! Your son is drowning! I’m offering to give you more help than I get paid for!”  

There was static between the two men. Logan looked at the clock, his break was almost over.  

“...you’re right.” Mr. Sanders’ voice sounded far away. 

“Excuse me?” Logan asked. He felt the ice return in his throat. Cold, professional, even. As if he didn’t just have a huge burst of emotion that would get him in trouble with his boss.  

“You’re right. My son isn’t going to just…” he took a deep breath. “The truth is, I’m as lost as he is. I don’t know what to do here, Mr. Charles. I think maybe... I could use some help.”  

“Logan.”  

“What?”  

“I’m not your teacher.” Logan smiled at himself.  “You can call me Logan.”  

“Patton, you can call me Patton.” he laughed. He had a nice laugh that oddly reminded Logan of freshly baked cookies.  

“Nice to meet you, Patton, though I wish it were under better circumstances.” 

Patton laughed again. “Oh, don’t worry about that.”  

“I also…” Logan cleared his throat, “I am sorry for losing my temper like I just did. It was very unprofessional, and insensitive, and I’m sorry.”  

Patton snorted, an odd sound to hear over the phone. “Please, I needed to hear that. You could say it was a wakeup call for me.” He started snickering.  

Logan tried, and failed, not to groan at the joke. “Well, I’m glad I was of service.”  

“What should I do, Logan?” Patton asked. “I know that’s not exactly your job...but I could use some directions here, Teach.”  

Logan smiled to himself, he liked the way that nickname sounded from this voice. His smile vanished as the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. “I have to go soon. I would love to talk to you more later. For now, though, I suggest working with Thomas. Listen to Virgil. Try to meet him where he’s at. We can then make a plan together, the four of us.”  

“Four?”  

“Virgil should be able to have some say in how we deal with this problem, too.”  

“Ah,” Patton paused. “Thank you for calling me. I’ll get a hold of Thomas. Maybe I’ll go home from work early and try to have a family meeting.”  

Logan nodded before he remembered that Patton wasn’t able to see him. “Alright. I’m here if you need me. Thank you for taking time to talk to me.”  

“No problem. I’ll talk to ya later to make a better plan.”  

Logan smiled at that promise. “We’ll talk later, goodbye.”  

“Buh-bye.”  

-----------------

Logan was grading the assignments that were turned in that day when his work cell phone started to ring. He recognized the number as one he had dialed earlier in the afternoon. 

“Hello?” He glanced at his watch, it was almost midnight.

There was silence on the other end. 

“Hello?” Logan asked again, more urgently. 

“Do you have some time to talk, Logan? It’s Patton.” 

Of course he knew it was Patton. Logan had a good memory, and he had been anticipating a follow-up. Though he hadn’t expected it to be so soon, and so late in the evening. 

“Yes, I have time.” I’ll make as much time as you need , he thought to himself.

Patton sniffled. “I uh, heh... I don’t really know where to start.” 

Logan tried not to smile. “How about you tell me what happened when Virgil came home from school?” 

“Right, yes, of course.” There were some shuffling noises on the phone for a minute. “Sorry, I’m moving out of my office.” 

“Take your time,” Logan assured. “I’m just sitting here grading papers.” 

“I take it Virgil’s isn’t there?” Patton commented, not really asking. 

“No, it’s not.” Logan answered anyway. “But I’m willing to give him an extension, depending on how we proceed.” 

Patton sighed as he shifted more. Probable sitting down. “I don’t know how we will. Today was...well…” 

Logan couldn’t help his curiosity. “Well?” 

“I had Thomas come over, like you suggested. We were here when Virgil got home.” Patton’s words were hesitant. Almost as if he had trouble believing himself. “I got short with him. Used his full name.  And It was the first time I’d seen Thomas and not tried to strangle him, too.” 

Logan tried, unsuccessfully, not to laugh. “Sorry. Continue.” 

“No worries.” Patton’s voice formed a smile in Logan’s imagination. “He pointed out something that made me realize how selfish I’ve been.” 

“Oh?” Logan sat forward on his couch. “How so?” 

There was a moment of hesitation before Patton spoke again. “I’ve been neglecting Virgil. Probably because I wanted to think everything was fine, but also because I didn’t want to deal with Thomas.” 

“I take it you two don’t get along?” Logan asked. 

“You could say that I’ve been holding onto pride,” Patton remarked cryptically, “and I don’t want my son to suffer for that.” 

“I’m afraid I’m a bit confused. I’m not too familiar with your family dynamic.” Logan was starting to feel out of touch again. This was a very emotionally charged conversation, and not the kind he typically had with parents. Or anyone, for that matter. 

“Right, sorry, it doesn’t matter. That’s not why I called.” Patton chuckled. “You’re just easy to talk to, I guess.” 

Logan chuckled nervously. No one had ever said that to him before. “Thank you. So what did you want to talk about?” 

“You said you’re willing to help me with Virgil. I want him to be encouraged to do better in school. Thomas pointed out to me before we talked with Virgil that he’s grown a...reputation,” Patton’s voice tried to halt at that word, Logan could tell, “among the teacher’s, and I want to know if you’d be willing to have his back.” 

“Of course,” Logan swiftly promised. “How would you like me to do that?” 

“Could you maybe work out a deal with him? You work for Thomas, you’ve made it clear you want to work with me. I guess maybe tomorrow at detention, talk to him. Get a feel for how far he’s willing to go to change.” Patton’s tone of voice changed to a higher pitch. “Of course, you don’t have to, I don’t want to take up all your time with other students-” 

“I’d be happy to talk with him.” Logan interrupted excitedly. “I want to help you.” 

The silence was awkward between them. “I- I’d also, obviously, want to help Virgil too.” His face started to feel hot.  “I think he has a lot of potential. He’s smart. He’s definitely got determination when he needs it. If he wants to work with us, I have no doubt he’d thrive.” 

Patton laughed that cookie-sweet laugh. “Oh yes, he would.” 

They both sat in comfortable silence. Logan continued grading his papers while he waited for Patton to say something. 

“Logan?” Patton asked. 

“Yes, Patton?” 

“Can I ask you a personal question?” There was something in his voice that made Logan blush harder. 

“Of course. I try to keep myself open to others when needed.” Logan remarked. It was true. He felt that he had found a good balance between professionalism and personalism when it came to working with parents. 

“Why are you taking a special interest in my son?” 

The question wasn’t accusatory. It wasn’t suspicious, bitter, or asked in a rage. It wasn’t anything bad. Patton was asking because he was curious, possibly even grateful, yet Logan still felt a lump forming in his throat. 

Usually, when parents asked that question, it was because they were accusing him of ‘picking on’ their children. Every time he’d swiftly reply, “Because I’m a teacher, and I want all my kids to succeed.” 

This, however, felt already like a different circumstance. He still wanted Virgil to succeed, but he also felt in his gut that he was just supposed to take this initiative further than he normally would. 

There was something in the air carrying the phone connection. Logan couldn’t give a straight answer. 

“It... it just kind of...happened.” Logan admitted. He rested his hand against the back of his neck. “I didn’t really think about it. You just seemed so…” 

“Much like a crybaby?” Patton interjected playfully. 

“I wouldn’t put it quite like that,” Logan rolled his eyes, “But I would say genuinely willing to work with me. Not a lot of parents these days ask for my input on helping their kids.” 

“Oh, that must make your job difficult.” Patton sounded sincere and sympathetic. “I’m sorry.” 

Logan sighed. “Well, with a boss like mine, I’m usually on my own here. That’s why I’m glad Thomas has taken an unusual hands-on approach with the school this year.” 

Patton didn’t comment. Logan wanted to smack himself for  bringing Thomas up. Even though he didn’t know the full details, he recognized the antagonizing feelings Patton had against Thomas. 

Logan cleared his throat when he realized that the conversation needed to end after that remark. “I’m sure you have things you need to do…” He trailed off, waiting for Patton to respond. 

“Not yet. I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Oh?” Logan asked. 

“S- sorry! I should not have said it like that. That was very inappropriate.” 

“It’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“No, no. I’m sorry. I’ll let you go.” 

Logan frowned in disappointment. “Okay. Will you be willing to meet with me after Virgil’s detention tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be picking him up.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” 

“...Goodnight, Patton.” Logan whispered reluctantly. 

“Goodnight, Logan. See you tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow.” 

The phone call was over. Logan poured himself into the rest of his work. He tried not to think about the fact that, for a brief moment, he enjoyed not being alone at night time. 

With a sigh, he continued his evening routine. Doing everything in his power not to notice the sudden emptiness in the space next to him. 

---------

The conversation with Virgil had gone well. Logan felt like the kid had definitely felt something about his conversation with Patton the night before. Not that Logan knew the details, of course, nor would he tell Virgil that he knew how that went. Yet he could see that something about last night made Virgil see things more clearly. 

The pair walked out to the parking lot in silence. Logan tried thinking about why his heart rate was speeding up. Since when did he feel nervous meeting a student’s parent?

Patton wasn’t turned towards them. He was leaning over the hood of a silver Chevy. His profile was sturdier than Logan had imagined. Wait, when had Logan imagined what Patton looked like? 

Logan felt like his eyes were about to pop out of his skull when Patton turned around, the setting sun causing a beam of light to shine on him as it bounced off of the windshield behind him. 

Logan tried to swallow away the sudden lump in his throat. Oh no , he thought frantically, he’s hot .

“How did it go?” Patton’s voice was bubbly like soda pop. The smile in his voice as radiant as all the stars in the sky. He was even more pleasant to listen to in person.

Patton stuck his hand out. Logan automatically shook it.

“Well, um, it went well I suppose. We, um. We came to the uh, agreement to um...get extra help for the marking...period.” Logan wanted to shrivel up in embarrassment at his stammering. With unfamiliar reluctance they ended the handshake.

Virgil stalked off to wait in the car. Patton kept grinning at Logan. “Thank you for all of this. I’m sorry that he cussed at you, though I’m also glad that this led to...this.” Patton gestured his hand between them.

Logan tried to keep his voice steady as he forced himself to keep his eyes from wandering to Patton’s cardigan-clad shoulders. “Me too.” 

“What did he say?” Patton stepped closer as he lowered his voice. He sounded so different when he was serious. “Is he going to be okay?” 

Logan nodded. “Yes, yes. He agreed to trying to change things. I think that whatever happened last night opened his eyes to whatever’s been going on with him.” 

Patton nodded. Relief spread on his face. Logan wanted to give more to keep Patton stress free. His relaxed face mixed with the sunset made Logan wish he had his camera.

“I would like to, um,” Logan felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I think it- it would be best if we...if you and I met up regularly.” 

Patton tilted his head, an adorable grin on his face. “Really? Why?” 

Logan took a deep breath. “I think it’d be best if we keep ourselves updated on Virgil’s progress. Thomas is very busy, so you and I will be the ones taking point in supporting your son.” Logan was proud of himself for getting that out without stumbling. And also you’re very pleasing to look at so having only phone calls would be torture , he added to himself. 

Patton nodded. “Alright, yeah, we can do that.” Patton reached his hand forward. “Thank you for all of this Logan. I’m sure you don’t get paid enough to do all of this.” 

Logan shook his hand again. He could have sworn that his arm radiated warmth. He glanced down because of the odd sensation. The first thing he noticed was a bright orange marigold wrapped on the inside of Patton’s forearm. 

Right. Patton was a widower, and he had a soulmate. Just like everyone else Logan shook hands with.

It took all of Logan’s willpower not to deflate in front of Patton. “I don’t do this for money. I take care of my students the best that I can.” 

“Well, thank you anyways,” Patton still hadn’t let go. “Should we meet for coffee this weekend?” 

Logan couldn’t help but grin at the thought. “I’d love to. You can text my work cell to set up a time.” 

Finally, Patton let go of their hands, leaving Logan feeling cold even though it was still warm outside. He put both of his hands in his pocket. He looked at the ground so that Patton wouldn’t see his embarrassment. 

“I’ll be sure to do that. See you later!” 

Logan looked up to watch him walk away. “See you later…” he trailed off. 

Patton didn’t notice the longing in Logan’s voice. Logan watched as Patton made his way to the silver car. He studied Patton’s profile. The cardigan draped across his back, the blue polo tucked into his khaki slacks, and the way he walked with a pep in his step. 

He waved the pair off as they pulled out and drove off. He stood like that, not daring to move. For once in his life, he didn’t want to go home. However, he had work to do. Papers to grade, feedback to give, and a bed to sleep in by himself.

Logan drove home in silence. He tried listening to music, but it all sounded like white noise to him. When he got home, he ordered a pizza instead of making the dinner he had planned for one. 

He sat down at his desk, pulled out his work cell, and leaned over the worksheets that had been turned in. Virgil’s was at the top of the list. 

Logan felt his chest tightening. He shouldn’t be feeling this despair over a man he just met. A student’s parent, no less. He knew he was destined to be alone forever. Still it was like his mind was expanded. He felt his universe had been pried open at the sight of Patton. It was so ridiculous.

In his entire thirty-five years of life, Logan Charles never had a soulmate, and for the first time...he wasn’t okay with that.

-

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Ask to be added / removed from the taglist for this series or any of my work! @404-morality-not-found , @k1ngtok1 , @lovelivingmydreams 

[cesabutterflywrites]

Describe your favorite color without using the word color, rainbow, or the name of any other color.

It is the fabric of my prom dress that was $16 at Ross but made me look like a queen in my partner's eyes. It is the velvet sheen on my favorite blouse- a necessary piece of any ritual or ceremony. It is the wool of my favorite sweater that makes my eyes look like sea water on a cloudy day. It is the bands of my watch that need to be replaced.

It is the shade I love that I swore I would never love, because it was her favorite first. It is the reminder of bruises, of sleepless eyes, of cloudy nights where the stars are gone. It is the secret of winter mountains buried under snow, of the flowers behind his back, of the wrapping paper to my favorite gift.

It is the shade of my soul when I am alone. It is the absence of me in my old homes. It is the darkness in my mind that sinks its teeth into my skin. It's the slime of my dripping, half-made, impulsive thoughts that are never to see the light of day.

It is my favorite vision in dawning light and setting suns. It is the accent to my Halloween goodie bags-the one he is still working on. It is the blend of passion and isolation. It is the theme of wanting. It is the place in my heart for lust. It is the boundary between old comforts and new beginnings.

[cesabutterflywrites]

The rule I learned is this:

Two people with the same pronouns? The person A whose name was mentioned first is the main subject. Then when we switch to use person B's name, the next pronoun belongs to them.

For example:

"Logan and Stanley were at a coffee shop. Logan sipped his coffee. He reached for Stanley's donut. He played along at first, then at the last second slapped Logan's hand away."

This was taught to me in middle school. I've noticed it's more helpful for writing dialogue between two characters than for standard narration, since a lot of people don't know this 'rule', and it can still be confusing when you're writing or editing.

I have noticed a lot of fanfic authors do something similar-which is in the same paragraph only 1 person gets their pronouns, and the other is referred to by name or by feature.

For example:

"Logan and Stanley were at a coffee shop. Logan sipped his coffee. Then he reached for Stanley's donut. His partner played along with him, then at the last second slapped his hand away."

This example works better if you're writing from only one characters point of view (3rd person singular I believe it's called). It also helps prevent repetition (if that's your thing) and fleshes out the established relationship between two characters that's not "the blue eyed man" "the pink haired lady" when we already know their names.

English is very confusing. These are just examples of what I use when writing fanfiction or stories in the 3rd person. Other authors may have different ways of differentiating which character is which pronoun.

my biggest pet peeve wiht the english language is that you don’t have sin/sina

in swedish if u have two people who use the same pronoun u can always tell whos doing what bc its like ‘han tog sin väska’ (he took his[own] bag) and ‘han tog hans väska’ would be that he took the other persons bag

but in english its like if u have 2 ppl w/ the same pronoun:

“she took her bag” whose bag????WHose BAG was it her OWN bag or the other her’s bag??????????????

“he ate his donuts” were the donuts his own???? did he fucking eat someone elses donuts??? YIU DONT KNOW bc english is a bullshit language 

[cesabutterflywrites]

Moon in the Sky You Know How I Feel

Summary: A brief glimpse into Edward's mind while he hunts for Victoria after leaving Bella in New Moon Ao3

Word Count:  1006

I didn't need to rest. Vampires don't need rest. 

Still I found myself-not resting-at a diner somewhere in Oklahoma. I didn't bother to check the name of the city. Not that it mattered. As soon as I was done sitting I would leave and be hundreds of miles from here. 

As I did every time I took a pause from hunting, I focused on the voices of other people's thoughts. Generally I preferred giving people their privacy. My excuse for this inappropriate behavior towards the humans around me was because I was listening and looking for any mention of a certain red-haired she-devil. 

Unfortunately there weren't many people out tonight. Inside the diner there were the two cooks who were thinking about how exhausted they were. There was a waitress at the cash register counting her tips in despair. There wasn’t enough to make rent this month yet. There were two old men enjoying each other's company at the bar stools. They were bantering in the way old men do. 

I sat there, staring at the coffee I wasn't going to drink, and tried to convince myself that I wasn't wallowing. I wasn't brooding. I was regrouping. I was waiting for a lead. 

I heard the bell above the diner entrance chime, along with a pair of giggles. I looked behind me to see who was there to get a read on their thoughts and-

"Isabel, Lorraine, what are you two doin' coming in so late?" the waitress asked. She wiped her hands off on her red apron and led the two girls to a table right next to me. 

I can't let Sissy know we drank , the blonde one thought while she kept giggling. 

The brunette girl-Isabel-was quieter. She must not have been as inebriated as her friend. 

"We just got back from our so-called 'date'." she answered for them both. "Could we get some coffee?" she asked slowly. 

Sissy-the waitress-rolled her eyes. Kids, what can ya do? "Sure thing girls. Just sit here and keep quiet okay?" 

I couldn't help but stare. It was distracting. Her name was so similar. Her hair was pulled over her face in a familiar curtain. Though her skin was not as pale, her eyes were the wrong shade of brown, and her clothes were much too flashy to be like…to be like hers. 

I must have been staring too long for human comfort (as well as my own comfort) because the blonde girl leaned in to whisper to her friend, "That hot guy is checking you out Bels!" 

This was too much. I wasn't in Forks. I wouldn't see her again, and seeing anyone too familiar at that moment would distract me from my mission. 

I laid some money on the table as I stood up to leave. I heard the girls whispering and giggling with each other as I walked by. 

I was greeted by the hot humid air and the waves of chitters from the cicadas in the trees around me. The loud sound of them was barely enough to drown out the swirling thoughts in my mind. 

I stared up at the moon. Full, glowing, happy in her spot in the sky. She sat there content with her stars, taking in all the sunlight to reflect back to us. She persisted through the clouds that had formed in the winter night sky. 

I indulged myself in the thought of Bella while leaning against the wall of the insignificant diner. Staring up at the bright moon as if she would summon Bella to me. 

I had a perfect memory of her. The sound of her voice when she'd chastise me about being curt with the Newton boy. The feel of her warm skin beneath my fingertips. The noises and murmurs from her dreams that I would never see. The first time I heard her speak to me. 

I remembered the arguments we had about that hideous thing she called a vehicle. I recalled with perfect clarity how beautiful she looked in her blue dress at our school dance. I felt my fingers unconsciously reach beside me for piano keys that weren't there. Her melody was tracing my body like a ribbon. 

Each vision was like a hot knife to my chest. It was for the greater good. Any pain to myself was for her benefit. She was as safe as the moon now. 

She stayed in the sky. Unbothered by the agony I was in. 

I wondered if this carefree moon was what she was looking at tonight. It was only 10pm in her timezone. Maybe she was sitting at her desk writing an email to her mother. Or perhaps she even got Jessica to drag her somewhere. Could she be looking at the moon and be thinking of me, too? 

I would not let myself touch the memory of the last time I saw her. It would not be safe for the general public if I did. I carefully wrapped my memories back up so I could give more focus to my mission. I looked away from the watchful gaze of the moon above me, and turned back to the parking lot to go to my car. 

The door to the diner opened. The girls were stumbling out, holding onto each other to keep from falling. 

Isabel looked up and froze when she saw me. I couldn't help but be still myself. 

Her swaying blonde friend moaned. "C'mooooon Belsy, I need to get hoooome." I feel like I'm gonna puke on cutie's shoes . 

I took a step back. "Have a good evening. Be safe." I turned to hurry back to my car. I would not look back. 

I would need to move south. See if I could catch a hint of Victoria in some other town. 

I checked my review mirror to see the girls speaking to someone on the phone. Good, neither of them would be driving. That was safe for them. 

I left the diner and the moon behind without another glance.

[cesabutterflywrites]

A Visit to the Shore

How can I miss something that I broke? 

I went out to the sea to find it 

But the waters were calm in my presence 

As if they’d never known me 

The shore was no longer tossed up 

And there was no litter buried underneath 

It was there that the thought hit me 

I don’t want the waves to stop 

The force of you hit against my soul 

With indiscriminate strengths and effects 

But was it the moon causing the pressure? 

Was it the storm causing the harsh chill in my bones? 

I cried under the beating sun 

As the wind whispered reminders 

Thoughts and memories that it was me 

I was the reason the beach stood still 

I am now wandering along your shores

Toying with the idea of seeing one last splash 

Craving the feeling of sea foam on my skin 

And remembering what it was like to drown 

I look at the horizon now bare of dreams 

I feel the chill down my spine with cold sea breeze

Salty thick smells invade my nose

Reminding me that it was more harsh than gentle

I was the one who cast my hands against the waves

I gave the command for them to slow 

I  begged for room to breathe air instead of water 

Then walked away leaving sandy footprints

So now that I see the glittering water 

Now that I feel the detached way the shore connects 

I long for the refreshment in summer 

And the smiles we shared on the shore

[cesabutterflywrites]

Maybe-Nevers

@jasperwhitcock made a post that put me into a trance-like state where I needed to write this little oneshot or I’d explode 

though i chose a different song than what you put in the tags Cassandra it just came on as i wrote the first bit and felt too perfect

Summary: As Jacob struggles with the frustrations of make up homework, Bella does what she can to be there for him. What was an attempt to meet Jacob halfway turns into a moment that adds to the list of ways Jacob has helped her heal from loss. Ao3 link

Songs: Through Fire and Flames by Dragonforce , It’s the Only One You’ve Got by 3 Doors Down

Word Count: 1823

Maybe-Nevers 

It was a homework day for us, so that meant it was quiet time in the garage. 

I liked doing homework in the garage with Jacob. He had a desk in the far back that he used for making lists for parts, plans for engines, and pieces of tiny machine parts that I assumed were spark plugs. On homework days we'd push that to the side against the wall. I was content keeping my reading on my lap and my writing on the desk, since he had a habit of sprawling his work out. 

The only sounds between us were our pencils scribbling on our assignments. I was so engrossed with my history assignment about the 1960s Civil Rights movement that I didn't notice that Jacob was struggling until I heard the sharp snap! of his pencil breaking. 

I jumped at the sound. I looked him up and down. Jacob's fists were shaking. 

I tried to keep my voice calm for him. "What's wrong?" 

His mouth was shut tight, and I could tell he was grinding his teeth. I tentatively put my hand on his arm. It was hotter than his usual heat. I could feel his muscles straining, but his arms stopped shaking as he registered my touch. 

"I just-" Jacob took in a deep breath when I started rubbing my thumb back and forth. His words became slow and deliberate. "I just find it frustrating. Not only do I have a ton of make up work to do, every time I feel too stupid to get it I- I want-" 

He ripped his arm away from me. He ran his hands through his short hair. My heart ached for him. Not in the way it ached for…others…but in the way it did for him. Seeing my personal sun struggling with his new self hurt. 

"What can I do to help? I can help." I knew I was begging for my own selfish reasons. I didn’t want to see my friend so stressed. I tried to take a deep breath quietly. I don't need to be scared. Jacob would never hurt me. 

His back was turned to me. He had his arms crossed, and his breathing was ragged. "Bella, I need you to leave me alone for a sec. I need a break from thinking about math and shit." 

"Okay…" I trailed off. I grabbed my bag and supplies as quick as possible, which meant that I kept dropping pencils as I walked towards the door. 

"No, Bella, I don't want you to leave for good." Jacob rolled his eyes for emphasis. "I just need a few minutes to take a break, okay. Go wait in the house and have a snack or something." 

I was confused, but I set the stuff that was still in my arms by the door. I threw a confused look over my shoulder to see Jacob walking over to the radio. 

Oh. He was going to listen to some music, and he remembered that I don't like listening to music. 

I hurried out the door before I could hear whatever song he put on. I made it halfway down the path towards the house before I stopped. Jacob didn't listen to love songs, right? Maybe…maybe I could go be there with him. I could try. 

I made my way towards the garage with intention. If he needed a break to listen to some music, I'd be there. He already had to try adjusting on his own so much. I wasn’t there for him when he changed. The least I could do was put myself through some…discomfort...for him. 

I didn't recognize the blasting beat as I opened the door. What I did recognize was Jacob smiling as he moved things around the garage. He was nodding his head along to the bass as an electric guitar solo played. 

I didn't move from the doorway yet. I was too busy admiring the way he looked like his old self. I was too caught up in seeing my smile. The grin that reminded me of the sun. 

He noticed me as the lyrics started up. His face went from shock, to confusion, to closed off. "Sorry." He went towards the radio but I blocked him before he could. 

"No, no. It's okay." I tried to smile at him. "I'm okay."  

The song was still permeating through the garage with its loud shrieks of electric guitar strings being strained. It was tough, angry, and I really did like it. 

I tilted my head towards the radio. "What song is this?" I asked loudly. 

Jacob eyed me for a second. Probably to gauge my reaction or wait to see me fall apart. I didn't blame him, a part of me was waiting for it too. Yet I knew I would be okay. I was with Jacob. He would keep me together. 

" Through Fire and Flames by Dragonforce." 

A good, tough, angry title. I could dig that. I nodded along off-beat as the solo kept building up. I giggled, sure I was making a fool out of myself. 

Jacob seemed to loosen up just watching me. "I didn’t take you for a metalhead, Bella.” 

I laughed. “Me neither” 

As Jacob started to close the space between us, the song ended on a final guitar shriek. Soon I heard the beat of drums that were much tamer than the first song. Soon a man’s voice started singing. 

I froze. The words were draping me and skirting around the edges of the hole in my chest. I think Jacob noticed the change. He reached behind me to turn it off, but I grabbed his hand. I looked up at him. My eyes were welling up with tears, and I knew I probably looked terrified. 

Each lyric felt purposeful. Like this song was from Jacob to me. I wanted to try it out. I...needed to stay with him. Without letting myself chicken out, I put my hands on his shoulders and started to sway. He didn’t stop me. Instead he put his hands at the small of my back and swayed with me. 

We went in circles around the space in the front of the garage. The words were draping over us like waves of healing water. The singer’s voice was rough and warm but tender. So soft, just like Jacob was as he held me. I leaned my head on his chest to hide my tears. 

This wasn’t a love song. Well, not a romantic one. 

Jacob started humming along. 

“You know this one too?” I whispered. 

“Of course. It reminds me of you.” 

I blushed, and brought my face away from his chest to look at him. His face was free of anger and frustration. He was soft. His brown eyes were seeing me. It was as if he was reading my mind, something even...it was something no one had ever been able to do. 

“Memories have left you broken.

And the scars have never healed.

The emptiness in you is growing.

With so little left to feel.

You're scared to look back on the days before.

You're too tired to move on.” 

We kept sway-dancing. I recalled the time when he showed up to my school dance. We had a bit more rhythm now. Maybe because changing into a wolf had given him more than a cure from clumsiness. It seemed to have given him a sense of rhythm that I still lacked. He was strong enough to lead this dance now.

“Jacob…” I started. He put his finger on my lips. 

“Just listen, Bella.” he commanded quietly. 

I obeyed, but only because I knew that the hole threatening to burst open was only closed because he was holding me. 

The music swelled, and suddenly he started moving us with purpose. Simple steps to still keep me upright, but we were becoming one with the song as it spoke to both of us. 

“You hide behind your walls of 'maybe nevers'

Forgetting that there's something more,

Than just knowing better.

Your mistakes do not define you now

They tell you who you're not.

You've got to live this life you're given,

Like it's the only one you've got.”

I smiled, which turned into a giggle, which turned to gleeful laughter as he spun us around. He lifted me into the air. 

“Oh, what will it take?

Oh, to get you to say that I'll try.

And what would you say if this

Was the last day of your life?” 

Jacob’s voice wasn’t smooth like ice. It didn’t hit a perfect pitch. It was gruff as the man on the radio. He was hitting a deeper timbre, which seemed to harmonize perfectly. His singing voice was pleasant. I’d heard him hum to himself before, even when he tried not to let me hear. Still, I heard what he was saying clearly this time. I knew what he was asking me.

I couldn’t tell if we were still dancing in rhythm, but I knew he was holding us as we went. The garage blurred around us from my tears. He was still clear. He was radiating warmth and compassion and kindness. 

We rode out the final chorus by going back to the sway-dance we started. I was full on sobbing now. He just held me. In his unique, quiet understanding, he didn’t try to speak to me. He let me cry into his chest. Eventually he picked me up to move us to the rolling chair by the desk. He just held me as I sobbed. The radio hadn’t been turned off, but the music was just a pleasant buzzing in the background. 

He pet my hair gently. I eventually brought myself back to the present through the sound of his heartbeat. It was like a steady drum. The sweetest song I would ever hear if I could help it. 

I pulled back. I smiled sheepishly while I wiped my eyes. “Sorry ‘bout that.” 

His lips upturned in a sad grin as he helped me wipe the tears. “Don’t be. Thank you for that. I needed that.” 

I nodded. “I think I did, too.” 

He looked at the desk next to us, then the clock on the wall. It was past our usual end time. He started chuckling. “Well, I guess we’ll have to save the rest of our work for next homework day.” 

I giggled. I pushed myself up off of his lap. “Let’s eat dinner, then.” 

He helped me gather my things. Then we left towards the house where Charlie was probably waiting with Billy. I noticed that the radio hadn’t been turned off as we walked down the path to the small house. Jacob kept watching me, trying not to make me notice. I think he was waiting for me to curl up in pain. 

I didn’t, and I held it together through the night as I slept. 

-

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Let me know if you want to be put on the taglist for any of my writing! 

[cesabutterflywrites]

Best part about being married, you ask?

Right now.

Right now he's just starting to use Tumblr for more than a quick glance at memes I send him. He's delving into Animaniacs fandom territory. His first ever fandom. He's showing me all this cool fanart (and reblogging it too). His face is just lighting up at it all.

I'm laying in bed next to him, watching him fall in love with this series and the fanart everyone's made. I'm leaned up on his side. It's past 2am and our lights are still on. We're just vibing, experiencing something wonderful together. My arm is on his head and I just love that I'm curled up on him.

He's so beautiful to me. Such a mundane moment but every day he astounds me with just how soft he is. His love of cartoons, his tiny gasps at cute frogs, his eyes welling up with tears at an emotional point in a show or movie, the way he looks at me even when I blush.

We aren't a perfect couple, but this isn't about being a perfect couple. This is about me, watching my husband in fascination, and feeling so grateful that this is my forever human.

@frogteirgaming-things, Sugar, I love you

[cesabutterflywrites]

AU where Carlisle was there to help Bella give birth and Jacob doesn't imprint on Renesmee

[Ao3] Word Count:  2056

Carlisle takes Renesmee and cleans her up while Edward does his venom thing and Jacob does his keeping Bella's heart beating thing. Literally nothing changes in that except-

-----

Jacob gives up. Bella's dead. He goes downstairs to kill that thing. His heart was pounding in time with each thought. He needed to destroy it. The thing that no one sees for what it really is. It's not a baby. It's not a person. They really thought Bella was so expendable? They had all fallen victims to it’s manipulation. 

He slowly walks up to where it is. Blondie is cooing at it. Of course, she probably wanted to play Mom the most. Esme is sitting next to her. She is holding some sort of metal container. Jacob pauses. He doesn't want to hurt Esme too.

Carlisle comes from behind him holding a pouch of blood. Human blood that was meant to save lives, not feed a demon. He eyes Jacob's face with a hint of suspicion.

"She's going to be okay, Jacob." Ugh, why did he have to sound so sure? Doctors are always smug about that stuff, Jacob thought angrily.

But Carlisle isn't smug. He seems to genuinely think Bella will make it. "Edward has her. She'll pull through for him, if not anyone else."

Even with Bella dead, Jacob's heart stings. He reluctantly pulls his eyes away from the women cooing at what looks like a pile of blankets. He’s torn. Helplessly he looks back to Carlisle, unsure of what he needs to do. Carlisle's eyes are dark as night, but they still hold the same kindness that he always showed.

Jacob deflates. Once again he knows he can't hurt Carlisle. He falls to his knees as he can't stand anymore. Tears that burn like acid fall to the floor without his consent. "It's not fair!" he cries out. His voice roars out a cry that’s filled with months of grief from every time he’s lost Bella.

Carlisle walks a few steps to hand Esme that blood. Jacob knows he’s alone. So he’s surprised when suddenly ice cold hands that burn grip him under his arms to help him stand up. "Let's take a walk."

Carlisle doesn't have to walk with him. There is a new thing in the world that just killed his daughter in law, a small part in Jacob's mind tells him. The part feels so far away it's screams are nothing but a whisper.

Seth tries to approach them, but when they look into each other's eyes he backs off. Jacob wonders what he looks like to the young wolf.

Carlisle and him just walk down a path behind the house. Jacob stays quiet, scared that he’ll make that awful sound again,  while Carlisle speaks to him gently. His mind feels like it’s filling up with cotton, but the doc speaks in a way that still gets through to him.

"I know you want to kill her, Jacob, but do you think you can kill something that is so much like Bella? Are you capable of that?" Why isn’t Carlisle accusing him? Why isn’t he mad? 

"It's not Bella..." Jacob hears himself respond. Why is he whispering? He’s supposed to be shouting.

"You're right, my apologies." Carlisle stops walking. He turns to face Jacob. "I got a good look at her. She's extraordinary. More human than vampire from what I was able to tell."

There are no words. The cotton had filled him up too much. Bella is dead. There’s no human to be passed down anymore.

He just lets Carlisle talk. He can't stand anymore, though, so he just sits on the ground in defeat. He doesn’t care that his shorts are now covered in mud.

Then, to his surprise, Carlisle sits in the mud with him.

He grins when Jacob looks baffled. "Don't tell Alice," he winks. The playful mood leaves as soon as it comes. "I won't tell you to leave. I won't tell you to let go of your anger. You still have a place with us as long as you need it. I just have one request."

Request. Just like Bella requested and begged for Jacob to stay? "What?" The part of him that’s far away is angry at the audacity that he’s being asked to give more. Doesn’t Carlisle see how empty Jacob is?

"Just look at her. Try to see her now that she's outside of Bella."

"You know I can't do that," Jacob chokes out. Hot tears blur his vision again, along with that familiar anger that had been with him for what now felt like forever. "It killed her."

"We don't know for sure." Carlisle replies calmly.

Jacob shoots up. "No!"

Carlisle just looks up at him. He doesn't stand up. Why won't he stand up too?

"So you'd go against what Bella wants? If she does die, will disrespect her wishes like that?"

"No! I won't kill it yet," Jacob knows as he speaks that he won't go through with it. He probably wasn’t ever going to. "But I'll be damned if I look at that thing! It’s evil."

----

Jacob wasn't that surprised that Bella pulled through after all. For now, that distant part told him, her heart will stop beating again.

He still hadn't looked at Renesmee. Seriously, that was its name? It was a truly awful name. Probably fitting, considering how awful it was for killing its own mother. 

Everyone was wrapped around it’s fingers. Even Alice had pulled through. Everyone had kissed it goodbye probably twenty times each before they left to go hunt. 

Jacob hadn't turned back into a wolf yet to go talk to Sam. He didn't know why. It was like he knew if he phased that he wouldn't be able to come back, and he wanted to wait to see what would happen to Bella. Even with her turning into a monster he still seemed unable to let her go.

Leah and Seth were handling things okay. Seth was giving him updates on the hourly, even if there wasn’t much to report. Though it quickly became apparent that he was just looking for excuses to say hi to the ‘baby’. 

Seth and Carlisle came into the living room. Carlisle was holding Renesmee. The doctor looked like he was more of a dad than he actually was. Jacob guessed it made sense. He looked too young to be a dad to all these ‘teenagers’. 

Carlisle sat next to him on the couch. Jacob automatically looked away from Renesmee. He didn’t need to look at it to know about it. He heard the doc and the others talking about it. He knew it had a heartbeat. He knew it was growing quicker than normal. He knew all about its ability to touch someone and share it’s thoughts. 

What a twisted version of mind control, Jacob thought. 

“Jake, you sure you don’t wanna see her?” Seth asked for the hundredth time. “She’s beautiful.” 

“It’s okay, Seth.” Carlisle told him gently. “Jacob needs time. This is very hard for him.” 

Bella’s heart upstairs skipped a beat. Jacob listened for any shuffling. Still nothing. She hadn’t moved at all. If it weren’t for her fighting heartbeat, Jacob would have thought she really did die from how still she’d been. 

Carlisle sighed. “I’m going to  check on Bella. Seth, do you mind?” 

“Nope! Come here, baby.” Seth’s voice raised in pitch. He was using a stupid voice that adults used to talk to babies and puppies. “Hi, Renesmee. How are you? Huh? You feeling ready for a nap?” 

“Ugh, Seth, can’t you take that to another room? I’m trying to watch TV.” He was lying. The only thing on TV was some stupid baking show. 

Seth’s grin didn’t waver. “Good. I wanted to show the baby TV too…” 

“There are a million other TVs, Seth!” Jacob snapped. Why was he being more annoying than usual? 

The thing in Seth’s arm squawked. He heard a sniffle, then after a beat, suddenly it started crying. 

“Oh, no no Renesmee, don’t cry!” Seth worried. He switched back to his baby voice. “Wanna do some bounces?” Seth started bouncing up and down on his toes. 

Seth started walking back and forth while the thing’s cries grew louder. “Uhh, Jake?” 

Jacob stood up. The cries were pounding against his entire body. He felt his fists starting to quiver. He was tempted to just leave early if this is what was going to happen. “What?!” 

“She wants you,” Seth told him. Jacob, with no control over his eyes, looked to see a white hand pressing against Seth’s cheek. The cries were repeating, sounding like whimpers. 

“Ah, ah, aaaah!”

Jacob, bewildered, looked further down to see Renesmee’s face for the first time. 

She was bigger than he expected. He had heard everyone whispering about her fast growth rate. He still wasn’t prepared. She was round. Her face was growing redder while tears rolled down her cheeks. Her small mouth was open to show teeth! Like, a full kid’s set. She was wearing a little blue baby dress. She  opened her eyes to suck in another breath and Jacob let out a noise that was foreign to his ears. 

She had Bella’s eyes. 

She must have been as shocked as he was that he was finally looking at her. Her shouts wore down to hiccups. Without warning, she turned her body to reach out towards Jacob. Seth looked like he was about to lose hold, and without thinking Jacob reached out to stop her from falling. 

She was warm! Nearly the same temperature as him. Jacob’s thoughts were too jumbled to make sense. Like he wasn’t thinking in words, but in foreign images. For a moment he thought he saw his own face, but there was an expression he had never seen before, like a mixture of awe and sadness. 

“What’s she showing you?” Carlisle asked from behind him. Jacob jumped, and suddenly fully had Renesmee in his arms. How had he not heard the doc come down the stairs? 

“Show- showing me?” Jacob asked. He looked down at Renesmee to see that she was resting her small hand on his shoulder. She was smiling, though there were still tears staining her face. At least she wasn’t sniffling or hiccupping anymore. 

Jacob slowly reached his hand toward her face. He felt, more than heard, Carlisle and Seth suck in a breath. Tentatively he used the back of his index finger to wipe the wetness off of her cheek. Her skin was soft. She looked adoringly at him. Like she had found a shiny new toy. No, it was more than that. 

The smile on her face was the same smile Bella had whenever she’d see him. 

It was too much, but not enough. He hugged her to his chest. This wasn’t an evil demon. This was Bella’s daughter. This baby in his arms was the last remaining piece of Bella’s humanity. She was an entirely new piece to the puzzle that seemed to fit into their crazy life. She was Bella, she was herself. She was just a child.

He looked up to see Carlisle grinning at him. 

“She’s just a baby!” He let out a laugh, which turned into sobs. “I don’t- What-” he couldn’t complete his sentences. 

He saw an image of his crying face suddenly, tinged with curiosity that wasn’t his. He looked down to see the baby’s eyebrows crinkled. She looked just like Bella when she would worry about him. Her brown eyes were wide with innocent curiosity, so untainted with the worries of the storm around her. 

“I think I’m okay.” He told her, not sure how well she understood. 

Carlisle reached for Renesmee. “I have to measure her again.” 

Jacob was surprised to feel that he was reluctant to give her over. Though she made the decision for him by rolling over to reach for Carlisle. She did glance back at him once more before she left.

Carlisle took her promptly. He smiled down at her, then looked up again at Jacob. “How are you?” 

Jacob shook his head. The cotton feeling was dissipating until all that was left was raw confusion mixed with deep awe. “I don’t know.” He didn’t know. Everything was changed even though nothing was different.  

“That’s okay, Jake,” Seth piped in. He patted Jacob’s shoulder. “She has that effect on people.” 

So she does, Jacob thought. “So she does,” he echoed his thoughts out loud.

[cesabutterflywrites]

Mama Cesa Writes Masterpost

Fandom

Sanders Sides

Multichapter 

Prince in the Storm (Prinxiety)

Prologue [Audiobook]

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

A Taste of Lonliness (logicality bonus chapter)

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Immune to Change (logicality bonus chapter)

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

The Duke of the Bay (Intruality)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5 ½

Part 5 2/2

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

An Angel’s Smile (Moceit)

When One Meets an Angel

The Biggest and Most Common Lie

Will Bring You to Your Knees

Oneshot

525.600 Minutes (Logicality)

Broken Promises (Exes Princesleep)

A Roman Rose (Logince)

Two Curses; One Brother (Familial Anxceit)

The Sitting Tree (Royality)

Meet Me At Stenvold’s (Roceit)

Not the Best Shade of Red (Familial Anxceit)

Brother, Protector, Friend (Creativitwins)

Voicemails (Prinxiety)

Violet; the Only Thing I See (Moxiety)

Tupperware (Royality)

Game Night [Audiobook] (Intruality)

Just the Two of Us (Prinxiety)

Error: Pain Overload (Analogical)

Paintings Born of a Passive Love (Logince)

The Wrong Rooms (Intruality)

Ask Prompts

“You’re My Favorite” (Prinxiety)

“Is that blood?” (Logince)

“The problem is, if I kissed you, I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself.” (Moceit)

“Shut up.” (Dukeceit)

“It’s freezing. Come here.” (Moceit)

“Bite Me” (Moceit)

“Marry Me” (Intruality)

“You’re Jealous” (Moceit)

A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss. (Moceit)

“You’re basically a marshmallow.” (Intruality)

“Truth or Dare?” (Moceit)

“What are you thinking about?” (Moceit)

Rambles

Roman is a Greek mythology nerd human AU 

Quarantine AU

Twilight Crossover AU idea

Orange Side Theory at 2am

Twilight

Multichapter

Sunrise [Renesmee x Female OC]

Preface

Firsts Aren’t Bad After All

Oneshot 

What’s Left of Her & More 

Maybe-Nevers [platonic jacob x bella]

Moon in the Sky You Know How I Feel 

Supernatural

Poems

Prayers to the Dead

Original 

Original Writing

The Colors of a Rainbow Without a Name

Rambles

I Miss the Bay Area

I Feel Better Today

Best Part of Being Married, You Ask?

Poems

The Hero

Tell Me

A Sign for Leelah & Other Kids

Thoughts After Waking From a Nightmare

Spring Equinox Spell

A Visit to the Shore

[This masterpost is ongoing and will be updated as I publish more work]

[Last Updated March 26, 2022]

[cesabutterflywrites]

Game Night

In an effort to make my work more accessible, I have decided to make recordings of my work. This is an idea put forth by @fander-audiobooks . 

This is my first time making a recording on a device that isn’t my phone, so feedback is appreciated. 

Thank you for listening. 

Link to the original tumblr post

Link to the Ao3  

[cesabutterflywrites]

What are you thinking about? Mociet pretty please

Send me prompts! Any ship [except R/R]

Word Count: 381

“What are you thinking about?” Patton asked his husband quietly. 

“Tacos,” Janus jokingly responded with a grin. 

That beautiful smile had not left his face since they had come home from the hospital. Patton couldn’t blame him, he was sure that he was also grinning, given how sore his cheeks were. 

“I mean it, J, what are you thinking about?” Patton made sure he was whispering. He made slow, muted movements to fit himself in his husband’s arms while keeping his eyes focused on the crib.

“Just…” Janus paused to nuzzle into Patton’s neck. “That’s our son, Pat. He’s...he’s so perfect.” Janus laid a kiss to Patton’s cheek. “I have two perfect boys in my life.” 

Patton spun around to see that his husband was crying. His heart beat erratically, as it always did when he looked at that gorgeous face. He grabbed Janus’ hand and led him, albeit reluctantly, out of the room. 

“Patton,” Janus whispered before crushing him into a hug. “What happens if I mess up? What if I’m…” 

“Shh,” Patton rubbed circles into his husband’s back, “You won’t be. I’ll be right here with you.” 

Janus pulled away to plant a kiss onto Patton’s forehead. “I love you, Patton. Thank you for being father to my son.” 

Patton giggled. “Thank you, Janus, for being father to my son. I love you too.” 

They were about to kiss again, only to be interrupted by the loud squawk from the nursery. Janus wiped his tears quickly. 

“I got it,” Patton told him with a grin. Any chance for baby cuddles, he was going to get. 

Patton went in to see that his baby, little Logan, had  somehow pulled his arm out of the swaddle that Janus had made. He was fussing, but not crying. Logan waved his little fist around while kicking his legs. He hadn’t yet focused his eyes, but when he  was able  to see Patton’s figure he stopped. 

Patton unwrapped the swaddle and picked Logan up. He looked at Logan’s crystal blue eyes, most newborns had them, and he started swaying automatically to soothe Logan back to sleep. 

“What are you thinking about?” Janus asked from the doorway. 

Patton turned to look at him. “How happy I am to have you boys in my life.”

[cesabutterflywrites]

Not the Best Shade of Red

Notes: Deceit’s name is Dee, familial anxceit, fluff, coming out, ask if there needs to be any warnings/more tags. Feedback is appreciated. Author’s note at the end

Word Count: 882

Dee had just put the rolls in the oven when he heard his son, Virgil, come home from studying with his friend. Dee didn’t mind too much that the hours Virgil was coming home to were getting later and later. He didn’t mind the friend he was studying with, Roman. He didn’t mind that his son was finally starting to socialize without panicking to him about every interaction. 

Frankly, he didn’t really understand why he was starting to grow irritated when Virgil got home thirty minutes after they had agreed he’d come home. He slammed the fridge a little too hard when Virgil walked into the kitchen. 

“Hey, Dad, I have something I need to tell you,” Virgil’s usually deep voice sounded shaky. 

Dee spun around quickly to make sure his son was okay. Virgil was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, he was looking over Dee’s shoulder in discomfort, and he was fiddling with his jacket sleeves. 

Dee tried to calm his nerves. Getting frustrated would just make Virgil close up on him, and he didn’t want that at all. 

“Let’s go sit on the couch while the rolls bake,” he tried to keep his voice soft. 

Virgil just nodded and led the way to the couch. Dee noticed that the hoodie hadn’t been removed yet. His suspicions rose in his mind slowly. He could tell Virgil was hiding something, but he needed to keep his mouth shut and let Virgil have a chance to tell him himself. 

They sat down and Virgil glued his eyes to his lap. Dee just sat. He didn’t want to say anything, afraid that speaking would cause Virgil to clam up. 

Perhaps that was why he was frustrated. Virgil was starting to grow up into a young man. He was seventeen, in his senior year of high school. He had just sent in college applications. He joined the robotics club in school for an extra-curricular, and was having fun with it. He recognized when he was struggling with history so he set up these study sessions that had him coming home later and later. 

Dee didn’t mind that Virgil was successful. He didn’t mind that his son was setting up for a wonderful adult life ahead of him. He didn’t mind the fantastic young man who was sitting in front of him. 

What he missed was the little boy who would sit on that very couch and lean his head on his father’s lap to watch movies. He missed the toddler learning to take his first steps towards him in the hallway behind him. He missed the little boy who left his baby teeth on the fireplace mantle waiting in wonderment for the tooth fairy’s treasure. He missed his baby boy. 

“Please know that I love you very much, Virge, so I promise that you can tell me anything you need to, okay?” He didn’t want his baby-his teenage son to shut him out. 

Virgil looked up, both of their eyes locked in understanding. Virgil took in a deep breath, and the hoodie moved just enough for Dee to see the hint of a mark on his son’s pale neck. 

He couldn’t help the snicker he let out. Virgil looked at him in confusion while his dad melted into giggles in front of him. “Uh, Dad? I’m trying to tell you something important.”

Dee nodded. He understood why his son was starting to pull away more, and he knew he didn’t need to worry too much. “Since-since when does Roman wear lipstick?” 

Virgil’s mouth opened in shock and his face blushed a deep red. He crossed his arms and huffed out a breath that caused his bangs to blow upwards. “Since he’s doing theater and forgot to take his stage makeup off.”

“Well, the shade looks good on you.” Dee joked, not unkindly. 

Virgil groaned and brought his knees up to his chest. “This isn’t how I wanted to come out to you, Dad!” He couldn’t hide the hint of a relieved smile on his face, though. 

Dee put his hand on Virgil’s knee. “I love you Virgil, I won’t ever judge you for loving who you love.  I will, however, judge your boyfriend’s taste in lip color.”

Virgil hid his face in his knees as he let out a half groan, half laugh. He was relieved that his dad didn’t mind that he was gay. He did decide, however, to hold off on revealing the rest of his neck that had deeper marks than lipstick. The whole reason he needed to come out in the first place was because Roman had gotten a little too carried away while ‘studying’.

The timer in the kitchen went off for the dinner rolls. They both stood up, the tension between them mostly gone. Dee paused going to grab the rolls by bringing Virgil in for a tight hug. He felt tears sting the edges of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall into his son’s purple hair. He kissed the top of the head that had come even closer to his chin. “I love you, son.” 

Virgil grinned into his dad’s yellow shirt. Tears stung his eyes but he chose not to let them stain his dad’s favorite shirt. “I love you too, Dad.”

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[cesabutterflywrites]

12. “Shut up.” “I didn’t say anything.” “Don’t care. Shut up.” With dukexiey please???

“Shut up.” “I didn’t say anything.” “Don’t care. Shut up.” 

REQUESTS ARE NOW CLOSED

Warnings: Hangover, alcohol mention

“Shut up.” Virgil groaned as Remus walked in. 

Remus cocked up an eyebrow as he reached into the fridge for some milk. “I didn’t say anything.” 

Virgil banged his head against the table he was sitting at. “Don’t care. Shut up.”

Remus laughed, “Awe, Virge, it’s not that bad! Last night was fun!” 

“Can you please whisper if you won’t shut up?” Virgil moaned. His head was pounding. It didn’t help that he had been drinking more than he should have the night before, but he had also not been able to sleep because of his boyfriend’s constant drunken ramblings. 

Remus sat across from him with a mug of dry cereal and a glass of milk. Virgil scrunched his nose in light disgust. Even looking at food made him want to vomit. He felt his hair being pet, and despite how annoyed he was with Remus,  he was inwardly grateful for the comfort. He sighed in content with the head pats.  

“You know the best cure for a hangover?” Remus asked.

“What?” Virgil knew the answer wasn’t going to be pleasant, but playing along with his lover’s eccentricities at times had its benefits. 

“A nice, big, juicy, greasy hamburger!” Remus cackled loudly.

Virgil pulled his head up to glare at his boyfriend. “I will fight you.”

“You love me too much, Virge.” Remus smirked. 

Virgil let out a dry laugh. “Bet.” 

“Make me.” 

Virgil stood up as quick as he could and tackled Remus out of his chair. He was partially successful because Remus had gone along with it. Virgil leaned his forehead on Remus’ shoulder, dizzy from the sudden movement.

“Feeling okay?” Remus asked, a softer tone in his voice. He never wanted to go too far, not with Virgil at least. 

“Shut up,” Virgil laughed before planting a kiss on his lover’s lips. 

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Let me know if you wanna be added to a taglist for any ship!