#maleficent needs better babysitters
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hexenwrites · 1 year ago
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I've been daydreaming of my story and jotting notes to some crack ficlets for my sister. And, bam, out of nowhere the House de Vil babysitting series just popped into my brain.
And I have a very specific urge to write about how the fic madness even started. And I'm mad about it. This entire time I've had loose ideas and now as I lay in bed trying to sleep it comes to me. These boys are dumb and a menace to society is about to be raised.
Guess who's not sleeping again. Me.
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sithwitch13 · 17 days ago
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AEW Dynamite 1/8/25
Every single day of this week since Sunday bad been shit followed by more shit and god I need this tonight
Also in order to function I have taken more edibles than is my usual just-less-pain level so I apologize in advance
Shoutout to my pain clinic for seeing me so fast after my bi-annual "miscommunication results in withdrawl" event
I have eaten toast and Kenneth is on tonight so I will survive another day
Ospreay is Golden Retriever-ing around the ring
Yesss give me all the House of Black
Well this is delightful
Damn, that ruled. I always forget how much I like Buddy until I see him in action
Aaaaa Private Party vs the Hurt Syndicate,
IS MVP MALEFICENT omg he js
Story segments blending into matches, I love every time they do this
Ooh, loving this match, too
Private Party came out, but Orange and Kyle did not, and that's an insult to me personally
Rizzo!
HANGMAN HELLO HI
I wish I could hear their banter better. NJPW spoiled me this weekend
Yuta! You are barking above your weight here
Ricochet you dick lol
Okay I do believe that a Ricochet plus a Yuta can, by working together, defeat a Hangman
Adam Cole, you hussy, shouldn't you be off with your HAREM that didn't need KYLE
Yay Danny!
Oooh Danny vs Yuta face off, give me more of this
Hobbs!!!
KYLE YOU ARE STILL REPRESENTING THE CONGLOMERATION, THANK YOU FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH
I should have expected Jarrett huh
YES HOBBS YES
"Let it be told" God I love wrestling
Here comes MJF to bully an old man, I'm not NOT here for it
Do you think they've asked JJ if he could get his old babysitter a call and get the Swiftie bump
Oh no the Death Riders totally have Darby living in a box in their basement
YESSS HARLEY YESSSS
Oh god I can't choose between these three
Thanks for smashing Toni into Kris's crotch on this most bisexual of nights, Willow
Yay Kris!
Awwww rookie Toni awww
KENNYYYYYY
The music aaaaaa
Oh lord this is gonna be the thing that helps me keep going isn't it
Oh shiiiiiit
KENNY VS TAKESHITA ARE WE GONNA GET IT
I am gonna chew off my own hands
I love this anime-ass shit
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hitchell-mope · 5 years ago
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(Third film. After “goodbye”. 23 years ago. The afternoon after the isle was set up. Olympus. Zeus is milling about the throne room excessively drinking in celebration. The marble floor cracks. From them vines fly out and form a Venus fly trap. The mouth opens and out steps a figure in a dark verdant hooded cloak. They send vines in Zeus’s direction which wrap around neck)
Zeus: WHO ARE YOU!!!!
Persephone (removing the cloak): who the fuck do you think it is your “majesty”
Zeus: eurghooh uh. Lady Persephone. To what do I owe the pleasure
Persephone: oh stuff it you old sot. You know what you did!!!!
Zeus: I assure you. I have no idea whatsoever as to what you mean
Persephone: my husband and my two week son where missing when I woke up this morning.
Zeus (feigning concern): really? That’s horrible
Persephone: he did it didn’t he? Adam. He set that, that horrible god awful prison up
Zeus (dropping all pretences): I’m happy to say he did. Now all of those, ahem, people, for want of a better word, are where they belong and can no longer harm us. Oh don’t look at me like that my girl. This is a good thing. Now you’re no longer bound by that pissy little contract he forced you into. You can rejoin your mother here on Olympus and all is as it was a should be before my idiot little destroyed your life
Persephone: if he destroyed my life I wouldn’t be here defending him you stupid slut. Nobody gets it. Nobody has ever seemed to have gotten it. I went through that fissure. I approached the skull throne. I threw myself at him. Being up here was a fucking snooze fest of banality. So I took the first out I could find. And I could not have been happier of what my life has become. The only reason the contract exists is because my mother threatened humanity’s livelihood should I stay there. If it were up to me I would’ve never have come back. I had to sign that to save the mortals
Zeus: how can you possibly be happy in the worlds basement
Persephone: hades is a good husband and provider. He respects my boundaries. He’s never strayed without my consent. And unlike you. He’s never purposefully killed anyone.
Zeus: and what of what he did to my son?
Persephone: ok. I shan’t defend him for that. Because he doesn’t defend himself for it either. He knows he did something disreputable. But he’s more then made up for it. Among other things he paid for and officiated the boys wedding
Zeus: where the Helios was I in all this?
Persephone: you were wine drunk, literally swanning about and harassing anyone and all naiads that stayed still long enough for you to approach them
Zeus (fondly): ah yes, good times, good times. Wait. Where are you going
Persephone: I’m going back home. Pain and Panic are good babysitters. But when Persey cries she tends to burn their limbs
Zeus: who cares. They’re the help
Persephone: they’re family.
(She leaves the way she arrived. On the isle. It’s dark, cold and barren. Hades (John Barrowman) is unconscious. There’s a large green and yellow bruise on his left temple. He’s woken up by the sound of crying)
Hades: hey kiddo. It’s alright. We’ll be ok. I tbini. We just have to get to shelter
(A very large very angry dragon jumps out of the fog. End of flashback. Underworld. Present day. Persephone is at her desk on her laptop)
Persey: see ya ma! I’m going out
Persephone: goodbye dear. Wait. Where are you going?
Persey: Auradon. Don’t tell me you haven’t heard? Chad Charming’s gone postal, stole Verna’s wand. Ben’s missing and Lonnie just sent out the batsignal.
Persephone: oh my goodness. Wow. Do you need me to help?
Persey: just look after our home.
(They disappear a wisp of steel grey fire. Outskirts of Auradon. Elsa’s unconscious on the ground. The girls have found her)
Lonnie: oh my god
Jane: your majesty
Dizzy: we’re off to a great start
Jane: your majesty wake up. Please wake up
Dizzy: the bazooka use the bazooka
Jane: right yes of course
(She squirts ends with the bazooka which instantly wakes her up)
Elsa: ouch. Use that sparingly dear. We may need it more than you think. Could somebody help me up please. Thank you Lonnie
Lonnie: what happened?
Elsa: I teleported here and then I hit something
Jane: it’s a barrier. She put up a barrier around Auradon
Dizzy: ohhhh she’s good. I mean she’s an evil psychopathic bitch. But she’s clever
Lonnie: how do we get inside?
Elsa: Jane?
(Jane makes confused questioning noises)
Elsa: if you would be so kind as to assist me in getting past the barrier?
Jane: ohhhh. Yeah sure let’s do it
(The ice queen and light fairy use magic to create a hole in the barrier. As they do so a flaming comet zooms down and crash a few feet away from them)
Elsa: what the hell
Barrowman!Hades: Name's Hades, Lord of the dead. Hi, how ya doin'?
Jane: fuck
(Elsewhere in Auradon on the school grounds Mal and the others have just touched ground. Mal’s a human again doubled over in pain)
Mal (groaning painfully): urgh. FuckDAMMIT!!!! Jesus I’m not made for this
Hadie (worriedly): are you alright
Mal: I will be. A minivan I am not.
Hadie: was this the first time you’ve carried this many people?
Mal: yeah. Normally it’s just Ben. And even then it’s only if he asks.
Hadie: really.
Jay: let’s just say he wouldn’t watch GOT for the political intrigue
Carlos: or HYTTD for the animation
Evie: or merlin for the story line
Hadie (knowledgeably): ahhh, he’s a scaly
Core four: yep
Harry: can you let me go now?
Jay: uhhhh. Nah
Harry: why?
Mal: because we may yet need a human sacrifice. And you’re the only schmo who fits the bill.
Harry: huh?
Carlos: Gil and I are loved by everyone. I’m the kings adoptive son. He’s the kings brother. You’re the ground people use to scrape gum off their shoes
Evie: that’s an insult to shoes gum and ground. And scraping
Carlos: my apologies. To shoes gum ground and scraping
Harry: I hate you all.
Jay: don’t expect us to lose sleep over it
Harry: besides. I’m the last person who should be a sacrifice
Evie: that specific criteria has been discontinued
Harry: huh
Jay: people like you can be scarified now
Harry: shit
Mal: oh no. Oh no no no no no. This is not good
Evie: they’re all asleep. DOUG
Mal: BEN
Gil: LONNIE
Evie: please pickup please please please pickup.
Mal: nonononononono. Gah. I miss you
Gil: please be safe
Jay: Jane isn’t answering either.
Mal: ok ok ok. So. The king. His major-domo/regent. And both their regents are missing. All the remaining students are asleep. It’s only half past two in the afternoon but I already want to take a brandy bath. Because Auradon has no leader. So we’re all screwed to fuckery
Jay: well that’s not entirely true is it. Hadie could you summon the three little bitches. Cause I really really want them to see this
(Hadie makes Uma, Harriet and Cj appear via grey smoke)
Uma: what the hell’a going on?
Harriet (very confused): we were still on the bridge and what’s all that funny coloureds stuf on the ground?
Jay: you three are gonna hate this. You, Uma, especially are gonna hate it. (In his announcer voice) NOW PRESENTING. MALEFICENT BERTHA. THE ACTING QUEEN OF AURADON
(He bows to Mal, closely floored by Carlos Celia Gil and Hadie. Evie is pulled to her knees by Carlos. Mal looks like she was just clipped by a car)
Uma: what?
Jay: well after the wedding she’ll be queen legally. But for now she’s just the regent. It’s wonderful don’t ya think?
Hadie: it’s marvellous. Now bow heathens
Harriet: fat fucking chance.
Jay: oh but Harry’s bowing to the one true queen
Harry: Celia bent my spine
Celia: it was my pleasure
Uma: I am not bowing to that.
Jay: oh you act as if you have a choice
(He uses magic to make the three pirates kowtow to the dark fairy)
Jay: there ya go. Isn’t that better?
(Mal takes a swig of her hipflask and disappears into purple smoke. Everyone stands up again)
Gil: where did mal go?
Jay: I think I know
Evie: then tell us ohhhh. Yeah. Sounds about right
Hadie: where is she. I’ll go to her. Me Evie and Harry
Harry: I don’t fucking think so
Hadie: she’s family. We have to help her
Harry: I’ll bring the coughing
Evie: if that’s going with you then mal will probably commit a sin on sacred ground
Hadie: where is it that she’s gone to?
Jay: you’ll see
(He moves his lower arm around creating a cloud of gold smoke that surrounds Evie and Hadie. When it clears they’ve disappeared. The smoke deposits them on stone steps. Hadie’s clutching Harry’s arm)
Harry: I hate you. I honest to mmmmother hate you
Evie: feelings mutual. Come on let’s go
Hadie: where are we Evie
Evie: where the king was crowned a year and a half ago
(They enter the cathedral . Only Mal is now where to be seen)
Harry: well she’s not here let’s go
Evie: up bup bup. There is one way to lure her out of hiding. Hadie the dagger please
Harry (having flashbacks to when he was 14): no Nono don’t you dare dont you fucking think about it. FUUUUUUCK! She did it
(Evie uses the dagger to slash Harry’s shin. He falls down in pain. Mal pops up from behind the pulpit)
Mal: I heard Scottish screaming (realises she was played) aw crap I shoulda known. I hate it when you do that
Evie: it’s a tested tried and true method. Plus it’s fun to maim him
Mal: yeah...(she heaves a sigh and sits down heavily on the stage) I’m queen. “Yay” I want Ben. Is that pathetic? It sounds pathetic
Evie (sitting down next to her): no. I want Doug. Does that make me ok pathetic?
Mal: no. It’s a change though. Did you ever think two years ago we’d be wanting our boyfriends here protecting us?
Evie: two years ago I wanted to sink my claws into a prince. Now I have the perfect man
Mal: no, the perfect man bypassed you and asked me out. But Doug’s a close second though
Evie (cackling): bitch
Mal: sister. Older by a day
Hadie: May I scoot in if we’re sharing things?
Mal (making a space for him between her and Evie): sure. What do you want to talk about?
Hadie: I never knew my mother. And before you say “don’t rub it in”. I wasn’t born on the island. I’m an Olympian by birth. But when Adam set the isl...you know what, let’s just call it what it is. When Adam created the prison he convinced our beloved uncle Zeus to put our dad there first. Theory was that if Satan could be subdued by a human. Then other “undesirables” would be easier to round up. So when I was two weeks old, Zeus and Hypnos used their combined magic to put him and I there. I have never known anything else. And the next year Hook uh “hooked up” with a street walker, Harriet. And uh
Evie: not a lot stuff to do over there
Mal: well you know except
Evie: don’t. Please. Don’t. It’s bad enough I’m related to that thing on the floor. But having to imagine THAT happening. Gah...it crosses a line
Mal: thanks for the nightmares
Evie: you started it.
Hadie: I’m a hedonist. A disciple of Dionysus to be precise
(Evie looks at him with her mouth agape)
Evie: well that took a turn
Mal: what is a “disciple of Dionysus”?
Evie: it’s basically some sort of cult. Mostly guys. Girls are there as well. I had the unfortunate honour of delivering a flyer to one of their clubhouses last month
Hadie: sorry about that. I told them to be a little bit more discreet after that
Mal (overjoyed): no
Evie (slightly sick): it can’t be
Hadie: I was eighteen and bored. What else was there to do but set up a club
Evie: try to find us.
Hadie: whenever I wasn’t with my friends or our dad I checked up on you. One time you were trying to puncture the barrier with magic. And another you were crying in an alleyway Mal. I even tried to make a wig for you when you were in the market place with a buzzcut Evie.
Mal: that’s actually quite sweet.
Hadie: I just want to tell my mother “don’t worry. My life wasn’t completely terrible. I’m happy”.
Mal: when this is over I wanna tell Maleficent “fuck you, you giant living accessory, fuck you”
Evie: I want to tell Grimhilde. “You were wrong. Princes are not for me, Doug is perfect for me and I eat what I want when I want”
Hadie (wistfully) and Mal and Evie (vengefully): I cant wait to see the look on her face
(This is when “hey look ma, I made it happens. At the school Gil has a peace offering)
Uma: what the hell are these?
Gil: berries. They’re amazing. Blueberries, blackberries, strawberries, fun fact, never get in a strawberry eating contest with Mal. You will lose. And need your stomach pumped
Uma: this is this supposed to make up for what you did? You betrayed me. Abandoned me for this. No amount of whatever this shit is is gonna erase that
Gil: I didn’t leave because I wanted to hurt you Uma. I left because it was best for me. You know as well as anyone that the island is an awful place for people like us. So, yeah, I left. But that’s what you wanted. I did what you wanted. Just not how you wanted it to happen. The fact of the matter is Uma, you scare me. I still love you. But you scare me. All I could think of at the dance when you were attacking the ship was “this is what I get for trying to be happy”. I still have nightmares about it. If you care so much about getting kids off the island why were you so mad that I left. Irrespective of who I left with. Shouldn’t you be happy I got away at all?
Uma (standing up to her full height which just barely reaches Gil’s chin): you left me. To go galavanting off with them. You may not think it. But a lot of sins are never forgiven. So no. I’m not “happy that you got away” because you betrayed my loyalty to do so
Jay: Gil, buddy, leave her to stew. She’s not worth it.
(Gil leaves heartbroken and joins Carlos and Celia near some of the sleeping students)
Uma: lemme guess. You’re his bit on the side? Or is he your chippy?
Jay (chuckling sarcastically): oh Uma. He’s with Lonnie. I’m with Carlos. He and I are not together. But he’s done so well here. He’s great at chess and tourney and R.O.A.R. He’s set up a book club. Every month he goes to the isle and hands out flyers and food and blankets and weathers the hate he for it. He’s a good guy. And him “disrespecting you” wasn’t malicious. Because here’s the thing. You seem to be belabouring under the impression that this is your story. It’s not. It’s ours. It’s always been our story. Mal and me and Carlos and Evie. You don’t even get a look in until way way after this whole thing started. It is not about you. It has never been about you. I’m just sorry you still think that after all these years.
Uma: you don’t deserve to have people celebrate you after what you did.
Jay: what about what you did. You set Harry on Carlos five years ago. You kidnapped Ben and tried to murder him to get under Mal’s skin. Face it “Captain”, you say that what you do is for the island but it’s not. It never has been. What you did was for you. To make yourself feel less worthless than you are
Uma: so what now? You gonna kill me?
Jay: no. Not today. Not while Mal still feels guilty about the shrimpy incident. But I want you to know something. I would’ve done it you know. I would have murdered you if you murdered Mal and Ben. And neither Evie Doug Carlos or Dizzy could have stopped me. Because that is what you get when you mess with my family. And I would’ve made that thing that follows you around like a fixed mutt clean up your remains. Just bear that in mind next time you try to wrest control from my queen
(At the cathedral Harry’s trying to bandage his leg. Hadie sits down next to him and heals him with magic)
Hadie: there you go. All better
Harry: I guess I should say thank you.
Hadie: nah. Don’t expect you to. But I do wanna show you something.
Harry: what?
(Hadie flicks his wrist and there in a darkened bedroom. A baby’s bedroom. It’s filled with roughshod burlap sack stuffed toys hand stitched and fraying. A makeshift mobile of various coloured glass hangs above a safe looking but old crib)
Harry: where are we.
Hadie: where you should’ve been for the past nineteen years if I hadn’t panicked and took you to the Jolly Roger.
Harry: this is my room? At the wherever it’s was you lived.
Hadie: our room. At the lair.
Harry: holy shit. You two. You two wanted to
Hadie: yeah. Dad wanted to keep you. But I was four. You got stuck on the way out. I thought I broke you.
Harry: yeah well, a lot of people would say that there is as nuffink you coulda done
Hadie: I could d waited for dad to wake up. I could’ve asked her what to do.
Harry: like you said you four. When I was four I went down to the docks to try and get rid of ol leftie here. Thought it’d get dad to like me
Hadie: I know. I heard the story. Tick-Tock wouldn’t go for it.
Harry: why settle for the after mint when you can have the rotting steak? You can still see the scar. Look.
Hadie: is that why you carry the...
Harry: the hook? Yeah. That and added protection. For some reason people don’t really like me. Might be the skull face. I dunno
(Hadie laughs. Evie enters the illusion)
Evie (drolly): how sentimental
Hadie (brightly): hey sis
Evie: I mean I haven’t been this choked up since got a chunk of moussaka caught in my throat
Mal (also crashing the conversation): Doug made her laugh at a state dinner eight months ago.
Harry: well I’ve seen him. He doesn’t have to do much.
Evie: have you ever had a telekinetic wedgie?
Harry: no
Evie: oh. Then we’ll be in for a treat then
(Her eyes glow briefly, the illusion breaks and Harry’s lifted ten feet in the the air by the back of his underwear yelling in pain all the while)
Evie: you know, I’ve been thinking. The ember is defunct because calamari thee it in the bay. So we need to reignite it. And correct me of I’m wrong but hades has a massive temper problem?
Hadie: not for years but yes.
Evie: and Hook is the angriest person I know. So. If he by some twisted non miracle gets his hair set on fire while he’s holding the ember then it can work again.
Hadie: don’t appreciate the word phrasing. But I understand the general idea
Harry (bored): so how’re you gonna do it. Beat me up. Conjure up my worst fears.
Evie: talk to you. I’m just gonna talk to you. Believe me. It’s gonna hurt me a lot more then it hurts you. At least not physically
Harry: like I give a shit. Just get on with it so it can be over. Who’s got the pebble
(It conks him on the side of his head)
Mal (sarcastically): oops
Harry: ok first off. I hate you and your carcass needs to be burned with you still breathing.
Mal: immune to fire.
Harry: I meant iron.
(Mal lunges are him it Hadie holds her back)
Evie: now where was I? Oh yes. Breaking your spirit. You realise of course everyone hates you. Your father, us, Jay, Carlos, Ben. Hell. Even Gil only hung around with you out of pity. And Uma. The first chance she got she dumped you like yesterday’s trash. Because that’s what you are Hook. Trash. Useless rotting disgusting trash. Nobody loves. Nobody cares about you. Nobody wants you around.
Harry (nervously): Uma
Evie: threw you away and branded you traitor the minute you questioned her judgement. She never wanted a first mate or a, whatever it was you were to her, she wanted an easily malleable, easily swayed, lapdog. That’s all you were to her “Icarus”.
Harry (voice brittle): Harriet
Evie: lied to you for nineteen years. To save her own skin.
Harry (weakly): stop. Please. Stop
Evie: sorry for what I’m about to say Mal but it’s necessary. (Turning back to Harry). Did you stop when Carlos begged you to stop chasing him in the market that day. Did you stop when dizzy asked you taking all the money from the till? No? Then why the hell should I stop now? Face it Icarus. Nobody wants you. Nobody likes you. Nobody loves you! You mean nothing to anyone. You were born useless. You will die useless. So stop wasting everybody’s time and just do it. Die like the dog you are!
(Harry roars and lunges at her. She evades him easily and he crashes into the stage. He stands up. The verbal beat down worked. His eyes are glowing blood red. His hair on fire in the same colour. The ember has reactivated)
Harry: now it’s your turn
(He shoves his palm out and Evie’s thrown into the wall. Brass candle stands wrap around her neck and starts to dig into her skin. Evie screams hits and kicks at the air. Mal calmly walks up to Harry, uses the sceptre to stab him in the back and pulls out his heart)
Mal: put her down gently. Good. Now lie down like the bitch you are. (She notices Hadie looking at her in horror) what? Did you really expect me to touch him with my bare hands? Here you go (she swings the aorta over to him). You can put it back. You alright E?
Evie: yeah I’m ok. I’m just going to stomp on his face with SPIKED CLEATS!
Hadie: that horrible experience worked. Now we gotta try to make it work for all of us
Mal: how. And don’t say what I think you’re gonna say because I am not working with him
Hadie (sane time as her): we need to work together as a family
Evie: fuck
Mal: how’d you propose we do this then.
Hadie: friction. I think. When I got us out of the isle I rubbed the ember
Harry: and covered it in your own blood
Hadie: yes. So if we replicate that. Then maybe. Just maybe. We’ll all be able to use it.
Evie: good plan. But again. How do we all do it. Cause in case you haven’t noticed. There’s three of us. And one ember.
Hadie: Harry’s here as well
Evie: I know. I intentionally left him out. To me he doesn’t count.
Hadie: well dear you’re going to have to get into his headspace.
Mal: my Scottish accent is legally classed as offensive
Evie: it’s true. Absolutely fucking horrendous
Hadie: heh?
Mal: one time in class we had to put ourselves in the shoes of evil we hate most.
Evie: all four of us chose Harry.
Harry: now ya see what I gotta put up with?
Hadie: indeed I do.
Mal: gargh! Fine. We’ll do what you think is right. But only because I need to stop Maleficent. Ok.
Hadie (smoking giddily): ok
Evie: urgh fine.
Harry: whatever it takes for me to get away from these two twigs
(This is when “friction” happens)
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nightshade-imagines · 7 years ago
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Hi there. I really liked your writing about the skeletons being uncles. Can I get more of that, but with US and SF skeleton brothers?
Original ask: https://nightshade-imagines.tumblr.com/post/163917740773/hs-has-a-little-kid-would-the-utuf-bros-mind#notes
⭐US Sans: Blueberry is amazing with kids. He parades proudly around the house with the kid happily following behind him and doing pretty much anything that Blue says. He also like to show the kid how to cook. Even though they are still a little to young to do it on their own, he let’s then assist, lifting them up so that they can stir thing and dumps ingredients in.
⭐US Papyrus: As lazy as he is, Stretch is a decent babysitter. Like Undertale Sans, he plays with them using his magic, tossing them up in the air and catching them right before they hit the ground. He also gives the kid pretty much whatever they want for dinner weather it be ice cream, hotdogs or candy so that might be a little bit of an issue. You come home to find them crashed together on the couch with the kid laying on Stretch’s chest and his arms around them.
⭐SF Sans: Until Raspberry learns more about human children, it’s probably best not to let him babysit them by himself. “HUMAN, NO NEED TO WORRY, THE MALEFICENT SANS EXCELS IN ALL THINGS! GO DO WHAT YOU MUST I ASSURE THAT YOUR PROGENY IS IN GOOD HANDS ”, “Yeah, Sans I know, but have you ever taken care of a child before? A human child?”, “NO, BUT IT CAN’T POSSIBLY BE THAT HARD IF YOU CAN DO IT!, “I’m going to ignore that last comment, but if you’re absolutely sure…”, “YES OF COURSE, NOW BE ON YOUR WAY!”, *sigh* “ Alright, just…call me if anything goes wrong”, “UNNECESSARY, BUT ALRIGHT!”, “Okay, later guys”, and at that you leave. About an hour later you get a call from Raz, “Oh, hey, Raz, is everything alright?”, “YES YES, I JUST NEED TO ASK YOU A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR OFFSPRING”, “Uh, yeah what?”, “EXACTLY HOW FLEXIBLE IS THEIR SKULL? BECAUSE I’M WOKING ON SOMETHING AND…HUMAN? HUMAN? HUMAN, ARE YOU STILL THERE?” He heard the phone hit the floor and your footsteps as you ran home as fast a possible. Luckily everything was fine when you arrived but you decide that maybe it would be best to let Rus do the baby sitting from them on. Raz does eventually get better at it and his relationship with the kid is pretty good. He likes to buy them things and brags about what an amazing uncle he is.
⭐SF Papyrus: Defiantly the preferred choice of babysitter between the Swapfell bros. Rus is kind of weird with kids but not really a bad weird. He gets them everything that they need and floats them back to his side every time they wander out of his line of sight. He is a little paranoid about their safety and actually really enjoys taking care of them. It remind him of when Razzy was little and he could just scoop him up and coddle his little bro (despite little razzy’s protests).
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cutiecrates · 6 years ago
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Cutie Reviews: Gacha Gacha crate July 19
Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m either being overly critical of boxes, or not critical enough. Am I just in the middle? It’s where I would like to be if anything, but I’m not sure. If you read the blog and feel like leaving a comment please do and let me know what you think.
In other news, it seems I might be missing a box. I don’t believe I ever got my June Tokyo Treat just yet, and tomorrow it’ll have been 60 days since it shipped and I can message them on it. I’m going to double-check first though, just to make sure before I do anything.
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Wood Puzzles
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First up is this sorta common gachapon I tend to see when browsing, I can’t say I was ever tempted to get it though. I’m not a big fan of puzzles unless they are flattened cardboard pieces making a big picture- or those really pretty crystal puzzles of characters and various items. I got a handful of those that I love to admire in passing.
Anyhoozles, there are 5 different types featuring their own difficulties, and the brand is Koro Koro. Mine is “mystery difficulty“, which I found to be quite strange since as a pyramid it looks super easy to put together. In fact it came together already.
But... as it turns out, it’s not easy. I can see how it’s supposed to look, but the pieces want to keep sliding and won’t hold still. So I’m not really sure what I’m not getting...
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 
I’m not a big fan of this one- but I do know that there are people who like mental puzzles like these and would probably love this set. The pieces are clean and perfectly shaped, and I could see maybe coming to enjoy it for what it is if I played with it a few more times. I kinda lost interest after the first few <3<
Hungry Kirby
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Kirby must be trending right now because he’s been appearing a lot in these boxes; not that I’m complaining. I love Kirby. If only they would start giving us some Mario Brothers now~
This series is by Takara Tomy Arts and there are 5 possible variations you can get: 2 kirby, 2 waddle dee, and 1 chef kawasaki serving as the rare piece in the collection. The figure was assembled, although you do get to put the little fork in his hand and I assume the other figures share that feature. 
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 
Besides the collection being ultra-cute, this would be perfect for re-ment. The details are really nice. The fork seems a teensy bit flimsy but I don’t think it’s really a problem or anything. This is also a minor detail but there are visible seam lines in various spots but some figures are just made that way. It’s not extremely noticeable to be an annoyance.
Kingdom Hearts Figure
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I was extremely excited when I saw this one :3 who doesn’t love Kingdom Hearts? I have the games and manga, and I LOVE this series!
This is another collection of small, but detailed figurines. This series is by Bandai and includes 6 characters: Sora, King Mickey, Maleficent, a Shadow heartless, Donald, and Goofy. The included little sheet lacks detail and images and is full of some Disney information, so I suppose it’s from there, or is a collab or something?
Anyway I can’t say my favorite Kingdom Hearts character is included in this line (but we’d be here for like 10 minutes if I wrote down everyone I liked), but I always had a soft spot for Sora and he is who I would have wanted to get out of the options here. 
The figures feature a chibi anime style and a few of them include an item and a small base with their name and series logo on it.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
I love this little figure, but it leaves me with some confusion. From the top to the mid-section is extremely detailed, including the metallic keyblade. But from the mid-section down (I know its probably hard to see in the picture) I feel like they started neglecting detail; but with a small figure it’s probably expected right? The rest of it is very impressive.
Cat Wind Chime
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(Sorry for the blur, I couldn’t get it to stop moving)
As a lover of both cats and wind chimes, this is the purrfect combination :3 Wind chimes are popular in Japan during summer, when people put them outside to listen to the jingle of the bells and feel the cooling breeze as it blows through them.
This series is by Epoch, and there are 5 kitties available; and all but 1 of them seems to have a gold bell. The 1 has silver. The dangle part, as you can probably see is the kitties tail, and each kitty has a clear bead on top to keep the string from falling through the hole.
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 
The detailing is really nice and simple, it looks a lot cuter than my horrible picture makes it out to be. The bell has a sweet little chime, but I did notice that when it’s hung up the tail piece becomes stiff? But when holding it, it moves fine in the breeze so I feel like it should still work fine.
Pokemon Paint
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These paint palette gachapon have been pretty popular as of late I noticed. They either feature a variety of characters with art supplies, or a specific color theme- or in this case both. This series is by Kitan Club and each costs 300 yen, which I feel like is a bit expensive for such a tiny figure...
There are 5 pink adorable Pokemon to get in this collection, and if I had to choose I think I would have liked Mew or Clefairy the most. But they’re all very cute, and as you can see I got Chancy (whose Japanese name is “Lucky”).
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥
As cute as this is, as I stated above the price has me a little iffy. I mean I can see why it’s that because it’s Pokemon- but I’ve gotten cheaper gachapon with more detail/bigger size. I noticed mine has a fair amount of color issues (there not visible in the pic at all), but at the same time it doesn’t detract from the general cuteness of the concept. The seams are fine and the figure is overall smooth, and while the colors are right, they could have been applied a little better.
Dragonball Z Figurine
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Our last item.... is in pieces!
That’s right, our final item is a Dragonball Z figurine that you get to semi-assemble.
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Yes that is a cat next to Frieza. He wanted some attention and wouldn’t leave me alone so at this point I decided to hurry up and finish to focus on him.
Anyway, this series includes very detailed figurines from Dragonball Z and is the 3rd series/wave of the collection and includes Frieza, Super Saiyan Goku, Vegeta, and Bulma. I definitely wish I got Bulma or Vegeta, or even Goku would have sufficed, I wasn’t a Frieza fan. There is also another sheet in the gachapon, I think hinting at another possible set of characters you can get for this series. 
Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
The detail is obviously there, which is why I’m giving this a high rating. I also like the little put together detail and how it includes a small base piece. I’m not sure if I used it right though cause it looked like it could fit on a few places...
♥ Cutie Ranking ♥
Quality: 4 out of 5. I feel like it was very easy to see in each and every piece. There was no major complaints other than the color touch-ups I feel like my Pokemon needed.
Items: 2.5 out of 5. Don’t get me wrong, I did like them; especially the Kingdom Hearts figure, my cute little Waddle Dee, and the kitty wind chime. But in comparison to our previous box I feel like this one was a little bit of a letdown and pretty much was full of figurines that are just set for display. There isn’t too much to do with them and I feel no sense of practicality in this box (which isn’t you would think isn’t normally a thing with gacha, but so far our boxes have been including it and there are actually a lot of practical ones you can collect) other than the wind chime. Plus a lot of the items were on the tiny-small side and for the price we pay...
Total Rank: 6 out of 10 cuties. Detail was there, as was the cuteness with the exception of 2 capsules. I feel underwhelmed by this box though and I can’t say it’s the best representative of gachapon or Gacha Gacha Crate.
♥ Cutie Scale ♥
1. Cat Wind Chime - I mean come on, this should be obvious :P
2. Kingdom Hearts Figurine  - I love my little Sora~ I’m very happy I got him. The tiny keyblade is even cuter.
3. Hungry Kirby - Pretty simple, but very adorable. The whole collection would be great for a Re-ment display! Or to add to the other Kirby re-ment series.
4. Pokemon Paint - It’s cute and I like the metallic paint tube. I just wish the base looked more like actual paint, like I’ve seen the other paint series do.
5. Frieza - Even if he isn’t my favorite, I really appreciate the detailing put into him. The tail part is even missing its tip like in the actual anime. I remember that part, but I can’t say I remember it extremely well, I saw this series when I was like 6 or 7. I’m thinking of giving it to old babysitter, he was the one to introduce the series to me.
6. Wood Puzzle - It’s okay, but I just don’t feel any sort of desire to do anything with it.
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Diego: I dropped Mal. Carlos: Diego, what the fuck.
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Carlos: Tell Mal about the birds and the bees. Diego: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Carlos, reading the newspaper: Huh. Did you know Nickelodeon opened a hotel? Diego: Yeah, I went there once. There was a dead squirrel in the pool and I made Mal cry by telling her it was the real Sandy. Carlos: You what?! Her mother signs our checks! Diego: Oh fu-
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Carlos: Mal got into a fight. Diego: That’s bad. Diego: Diego: Did she win?
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Carlos, driving Mal and Diego: So how was your day? Mal: We almost got surprise adopted! Carlos: What? Diego: We almost got kidnapped. Carlos: Oh, okay. Carlos: * slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Mal: Can we go out to get icecream? Diego: Did you ask Carlos? Mal: They said no. Diego: Then why did you ask me? Mal: They're not the boss of you. Diego, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Carlos: I feel like Mal is looking down on me. Diego: That’s because she's on the counter and you’re short.
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Carlos: I told Mal their ears flush when they lie. Diego: Why? Carlos: Look. Carlos: Hey Mal! Do you love us? Mal, covering their ears: No. Diego:
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Mal: What’s it like being tall? Mal: Is it nice? Mal: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards? Diego: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want. Carlos: It was one time!
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Mal: Define “dream”. Carlos: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works. Deigo: That’s too dark!
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hexenwrites · 2 years ago
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Mal: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Diego: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~ Mal: Wh- What? NO, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Carlos, recording: This is so cute.
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