#maldito bastardo = fucking bastard

[mindful-mateo]

Rhys tried to hide in his hoodie but Mateo was sure to speak loud enough that the fabric wouldn't be much of a barrier to the sound. The witch was only hiding because he knew how right Mateo was and that in itself was like an admission. But even if Rhys knew Mateo was right and that Roland was a bad idea, he seemed to be extremely willing to run right back into his arms. Case in point, all the justifications that came pouring out and Mateo stared at him at first then thudded his head back against the desk in exasperation. Still, he let Rhys say all he had to say, gladly taking the refill when it was offered and watching the bottle roll away as Rhys continued to go on and on about how Roland was misunderstood and handled things poorly and all the other excuses he was willing to make for him.

"I seem to remember having a conversation with you about this before where I'm pretty sure I warned you not to have feelings for him because he couldn't be trusted but you just wanted to 'play things out' and 'see where it went' and figured it would all come to an end anyway. And I was right and it did end but you still didn't listen to me!" He took another fortifying sip of wine then got animated again. "Also, unresolved trauma about his ex is not a good reason to fuck you over! That's another red flag! I've got a dead ex too but I don't use it as an excuse to be a maldito bastardo to people." He paused at himself and sighed, then took another large sip of wine, looking over at Rhys. "Sure, he means it now. But what happens when he panics again? Is he gonna abandon you again? I bet he will. You watch." Mateo didn't take any joy in that idea, it wasn't like he wanted Rhys to experience pain, but this whole rant was trying to save Rhys from it though it was getting muddled and he felt like he was failing.

Rhys' phone had fallen out of his hoodie pouch when he'd leaned over to pour Mateo's wine and a text notification went off which was why Mateo noticed it. He saw that it was from Roland and it came with some kind of video attachment so Mateo moved to snatch the device before Rhys could get to it. "I'm not letting you look at this. He doesn't deserve you. This is a vampire free zone right now."

Pulling sharply on the drawstrings of his hoodie to shut out Mateo’s pleas, Rhys gave a weak groan from the safety of his material sanctuary and rested his head back against the desk as he tried to downplay the thunderbird’s concerns. It wasn’t as if Rhys genuinely had room to argue; countless individuals had tried to warn him of the dangers of entertaining Roland’s courtship the first time around. The ghosting that had eventually followed had only served to prove every single concern Rhys’ nearest and dearest had held and now that Roland had plucked up the strength and determination to come crawling back, Rhys’ resolve had weakened far quicker than he’d wanted it. The confession had been a lot and though the witch cringed at how cruelly he’d treated Roland at first, he still stood by it all. He’d had a right to be hurt, to utter some home truths, to let Roland know that he couldn’t fix the months of radio silence and avoidance with a swanky gift and some honeyed words. Still, he’d managed to turn up at the right time and had offered comfort when Rhys had needed it most. The gifts from Valentine’s Day had been a pleasant surprise – the note from the peonies remained tucked safely into his wallet even now. Pushing his hood back, Rhys met Mateo’s gaze with a pitiful one, deliberately making himself look as vulnerable as he could. It was only the faint trace of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips that gave a hint to the extent of his amusement towards the thunderbird’s impassioned plea. 

“Things are different this time. He had some stuff to work through, some things to face and work out for himself. Not that it makes any of it okay, but… it’s not as heinous as it seems. There was no malicious intent behind his disappearance. Did he handle it well? No,” Rhys paused to take a generous swig from his glass, gesturing incoherently with it to fill the silence as he swallowed. “But does that mean we need to demonise him for it? Also no. The whole reason he up and left with no explanation was ‘cause he panicked. He realised he had feelings for me and then realised he hadn’t felt that way about someone since his ex. That loss hit him hard. Badly. He wasn’t sure if he could go through it again. He thought that distancing himself from me would make it all go away. Needless to say, it didn’t,” Rhys shrugged, seemingly placated by his own retelling of events before he gestured to himself with a smirk. “Can’t blame him. But on a serious note, he realised that what he felt for me was genuine. He wasn’t lying. Trust me, I checked. Repeatedly. He meant every word of it, every promise made to do whatever he could so that we could rebuild things.” Finishing off the contents of his glass, Rhys reached for the bottle sat between them for a refill and leaned across Mateo to do the same until the last drop fell, rolling the bottle away from them without a second thought as he swirled his glass absentmindedly. “I know you’re not gonna wanna hear this, but… I don’t know if I’d want to banish him from my life forever,” Rhys cut his gaze away sharply to eye the still-wrapped present from December now propped up against one of the bookcases. It’d been moved around the office a number of times by now; somehow, Rhys still didn’t have the heart to open it. “I never said I didn’t feel anything for him– I mean, I do. Obviously. Think I realised I did before he realised he did. I didn’t say anything, though. Didn’t wanna ruin things in case it wasn’t mutual, y’know? I thought I could get away with being selfish about it.”

[jackson--t]

The Scratch

Tiny Thursday Thirst.

Where Ivar discovers something he doesn't want on Heahmund's face after a mission. It's a sneak peak/"I kind of miss this story" to Hasta Mañana.

"What the fuck is that?"

Heahmund tried not to look too conspicuous - tried, if possible, to turn away the side of his face he knew Ivar had just spotted and tried to look like as if everything was normal. Even though he knew inside that he was in for an announcement. Oh, he knew his boy's hot-blooded temper.

And as expected, Ivar immediately jumped to his feet; his eyebrows had already now drawn together, and his lips were slightly parted; even before Heahmund could push his hands away, Ivar's fingers had already clawed into his chin.

"What. Is. That?!" Ivar asked, hissing, while Heahmund snorted softly. Oh God, now it was his turn.

"Nothing...?" he admitted softly, feeling exactly how Ivar's fingers clawed tighter into his chin. The boy's look had changed to sheer bewilderment.

"¿Qué es?", Ivar hissed again, and Heahmund knew exactly: there was a certain emphasis in his voice that did not allow any argument. Absolutely no argument. The very fact that he now slipped into Spanish showed the seriousness of the situation exactly; when the fingers on his chin began to tremble slightly, Heahmund gave in.

"A little scratch. Nothing bad." he finally said, and with a jerk was pulled down to Ivar. The boy with the temperament of a Mexican bull licked his lips, then suddenly shoved Heahmund away.

"A scratch. A scratch?! There are SEAMS in there, Heahmund, puto!!"

Oh fuck, how Heahmund loved it when Ivar reverted to his native tongue. He couldn't help it, after all, that it had turned him on from the start when Ivar spoke like that. He loved his accent, his rough words, especially when Heahmund gave it to him. So it was no wonder that he got damn hot for Ivar every time he started to rant.

Ivar, meanwhile, had his arms crossed in front of his chest and was staring at Heahmund so angrily that Heahmund's hand automatically went lightly to the back of his own neck.

"What, the few stitches...."

"You promised me, PROMISED, to come back without any scratches. I worry so much about your stupid gringo ass every time, and you...!" Ivar snapped, and Heahmund reached out to stroke Ivar's forearm; but the boy swatted it away and jutted his chin.

"¿Qué crees que estás haciendo? ¡Vete a la mierda, maldito bastardo! ¡Y no me toques, carajo!", Ivar hissed angrily, and turned around proudly on his heels. Heahmund just stood around for a moment, chewing on his lower lip and wondering how much force he would have to use to overpower Ivar - after all, thanks to him, the boy had good holds by now (unfortunately). But the inner heat and lust for Ivar won out, who could still be heard ranting wildly in the kitchen. Heahmund didn't really understand what he was saying: he only knew what Ivar said when he came under him, wanting more. And that was enough for him.

The ranting subsided slightly when Heahmund opened his bulletproof vest; the sound echoed in the apartment, and when Heahmund came into the kitchen, he kissed Ivar so challengingly and urgently that Ivar didn't even bat at him.

Translation:

1. "¿Qué es?" - "What is it?"

2. "¿Qué crees que estás haciendo? ¡Vete a la mierda, maldito bastardo! ¡Y no me toques, carajo!" - "What do you think you're doing? Fuck you, you fucking bastard! And don't fucking touch me!"

3. "puto" - son of a bitch

@youbloodymadgenius 🖤

[drethanramslay]

Voicemails (Part 2)

Pairing: Ethan X MC

Word count: 6.3K words (damn that's a record)

Catch up here.

MASTERLIST

Taglist: @miyakokurono​ @trappedinfandoms​ @openheart12​ @sekizincimektup​ @junggoku​ @ethandaddyramsey​ @edith-eggs1​ @pixelberryownsme​ @samihatuli​ @loveellamae​ @x-kyne-x​ @paulfwesley​ @zeniamiii​ @binny1985​ @an-urban-witch-ig​ @ramseyegerton​ @noboundariesplease​ @mrsdr-ethan-ramsey​ @newcolonies​ @theodorepjames4 @unluckygs​ @choices-love-affair​ @kaavyaethanramsey​  @caseyvalentineramsey​ @ohramsey​ @virtualrain202 @squishywizardhq​  @junehiratas​ @lilyvalentine​ @nooruleman​ @itsgoingnuts​  @agent-breakdance​ @jamespotterthefirst​ @choicesfanaf​ @humanpokemon​ @temptress-of-death-and-desire​ @ac27dj @rookiefromedenbrook @gaiusimp @theeccentricbibliophile  @oofchoices @hatescapsicum @sanchita012 @edgiestwinter @fabi-en-ciel @mrsdrakewalkerblog @elwetritsche75 @livingpurpose @theraisingrail @drramseysownsme @queencarb​ @andromedasinclaire​ @schnitzelbutterfingers​ (if you want to be added to the taglist, let me know ☺️)

Special thanks to @kittykatchoices​ you are awesome <3

Songs: Based on Rock Bottom by Caro and I have added a few more songs to my playlist which you should hear to enhance the experience.

Forgive me if I make any mistakes

DAY 36 (in Boston, Massachusetts)

Leah trudged down the hallway, sipping on her umpteenth energy drink in that day. Her eyes were trained on the chart in her hand, struggling to read them.

Everything looked bleary from the lack of sleep and her eyes were burning under the glare of the clinical lights. Her entire body was begging for rest but it was as if a switch had been flipped in her brain to ignore it. She ignored her thoughts, her feelings and the ever growing void in her chest.

So is this is how vampires feel, huh? Leah questioned herself, snorting at the poor attempt of a joke. Doing that caused her body to pain.

Pain.

That's all she felt these days. It was initially the pain of a heartbreak and rejection but now, it was just tiredness from the burden of her emotions.

Look at me now... From sunshine I have become a shadow...

Why Ethan?

Why?

Leah was the kind of person who always made fun of the naive girl in a rom-com. Her definition and perspective of love had changed when her mother cheated on her father. She did not shun the idea of being in love, but she was still kind of sceptical about it.

And now that she had a taste of it, she was addicted.

She knew that Ethan returned her feelings. She was not blind and oblivious like him. She could see it in his ocean eyes when they stared from across the room. She could hear it whenever he called her 'sunshine'. She could feel it when his arms wrapped around her as she breathed in his musky cologne, with hints of scotch in it.

They say love is a drug but that's not true.

Ethan is her drug and she craved him.

"Hijo de puta." She muttered under her breathe as she ran her hand through her hair, only to feel her shoulder length locks.

She had cut her hair after her birthday. The entire ordeal had destroyed the remaining sanity in her and she couldn't bear to look at herself. Whenever she would see her long hair, she would be reminded of the times when Ethan would play with them and she would get numb all over again.

She craved change so, she went ahead and cut her luscious, black, waist length locks and added highlights to them. It cost her a bomb but she didn't care.

She didn't care...

That was her mantra now.

She just focused on going through the motions of the day, one step at a time. But often, she found herself stumbling into the pit of self doubt and sadness. Leah knew that she was slipping into depression and that she should do something to change it but... It's addicting. The self wallowing is addicting. The numbness is addicting. The self depreciation is addicting.

She avoided her friends as well but they never gave up on her. Bryce would try to crack jokes and make her smile. Elijah would sit with her and play COD so that she could let out all her anger and sadness by killing some bitches. Aurora and Sienna would force her to eat but whenever they weren't looking, she would give her food to Shawty, their fennec fox. They even tried to provide her emotional support but Leah couldn't bear to see the pity in their eyes.

You should count your blessings... Her consciousness nudged her.

The only thing I want to count are the days until I see him.

She felt her phone vibrate and she unlocked it to see the notification but, the photo on her wallpaper made her stop. It made her heart ache.

She had used Ethan's photo as her lock screen. It was one of those many photos she had clicked of him, which Ethan did not find amusing. It was late and she was bored at the medical convention, so she just clicked them for the heck of it. He was annoyed but despite that, he had a small smile dancing on the edge of his lips.

Who would have thought the great Leah would drop down to such low levels of pathetic? She jeered at herself.

Her phone rang again and a name flashed on it. She immediately silenced because she knew that if she were to pick up that call, she would burst into tears.

She had just finished signing her charts when her pager beeped of, signalling that she was being paged by the Chief.

Leah's face scrunched up with confusion as she left the charts at the nurses' station and headed to Dr. Banerji's office.

What did I do wrong? Leah thought to herself as million of thoughts ran through her head, increasing the pounding in her head.

Trying to calm her racing heart she knocked on the open door. Naveen looked up from his desk and a beautiful smile broke on the senior diagnostician's face.

"Ah! Dr. Garcia, come on in. Take a seat." Naveen said with a warm voice as she walked in and took a seat right opposite him. There was a glass facade behind Naveen which overlooked the busy atrium of the hospital.

"You wanted to see me Chief?"

"Yes I did."

"May I know what is it regarding? Because I think that my heart will pop out of my chest with the excessive stress."

Naveen gave a hearty laugh and Leah gave a nervous smile to him.

"No, you haven't done anything wrong. In fact, I am giving you a couple of days of holiday for your hard work."

Leah shook her head and gave a fake smile. "Thank you Chief but... I don't need an off. I love my job and saving lives so no need for this special treatment."

Naveen leaned forward on his table and locked his warm eyes with Leah's tired ones. "You deserve it. It's been brought to my notice, that you have been working way too hard."

Leah sat a little bit more rigid, not liking the message behind the sentence. "Isn't that a good thing? And isn't that what Edenbrook wants from their doctors?"

"Technically yes... But we also want our doctors to not burn out."

She clenched her jaw before speaking. "Chief, I am perfectly fine. I am not burnt out and I have been very proactive. My patients are all stable and breathing, I have been even helping with the ER more, so how is all of that an indicative of me burning out?"

"Leah... I see you as my grand-mentee and I know you well. I am coming from a position of concern for you. I can't have you being sleep deprived and malnutritioned. It's not good for you."

Leah's eyes narrowed. "How do you know I'm malnutritioned? You haven't even seen me since the last three weeks. And don't say that my friend's put forth this concern because I know that I have done a damn good job convincing them that I am okay."

Naveen just gave a sympathetic look and it clicked.

Letting out sharp breath, she looked down and straightened her pencil skirt, trying to distract herself from the gnawing pain and the influx of hope.

"He called you... Didn't he?"

Naveen gravely nodded his head. "Yes he did. Leah... Please take the next four days off. It's an order."

Leah nodded her head and got up, stuffing her hands into her coat, so that she could hide her trembling hands.

"Yes Chief."

She was about to walk out when Naveen called out to her. "Leah... If it's any consolation, he is in a terrible state and misses you too much."

"No... that is no consolation." She said steely, her eyes becoming cold.

"Leah, just trust me. Ethan has had a tough childhood which has forced him to grow up too soon. He has never been a normal kid let alone a normal teenager. When kids his age were chasing love, he was chasing books. That's why he is a walking robot with no sense of emotions.

Leah, since you came into his life, you have woken up the parts of him which he has kept suppressed. You have forced him to stop and feel. And it's been overwhelming for him. So, just be patient with him."

Leah didn't say anything. She just turned on her heels and strode out of the office.

As she walked to the locker room, she clenched her fists. She was totally pissed and the need to punch something was becoming unbearable.

How fucking dare he just control my life?!

She changed out of her clothes and stuffed them angrily into her satchel. She picked up her phone and saw a notification.

(1) message Captain

She read the message and she felt a little happy. She loved her dad and since the entire shit show had started, she missed her family even more.

Speaking of shit show...

He eyes narrowed in on Ethan's contact and the momentary happiness was dissipated, and anger flooded her body. Her shoulders tensed and she clenched the phone even tighter. She pressed on the call icon near his name and picked up the phone to her ear so that she could give him the cursing of his life.

After ringing a couple of time she heard his baritone voice flood through the speaker.

You have reached Dr. Ramsey. I am currently out of the country. If it's urgent, please leave a message.

"Ethan Jonah Ramsey! You are a maldito (damned male)! For a man, you are one maricon (pussy) and I swear as the days pass by I am more convinced that you are a bastardo sin huevos (ball-less bastard)!!

How fuckin dare you, you asshole?! I fucking know that you called Naveen to tell him to give me an off. I don't know weather to dance with joy that you heard my voicemails or to kick you in your balls for not responding.

You need to man the fuck up Ethan because I know that you are so fucking strong. I know it so well."

She panted, anger swirling even more in her chest.

"Ethan you need to stop playing the fucking victim. I know that you have had a tough childhood and that really hurt you... But I didn't have it any easier either. I was bullied through out school and my mom used to pimp the fuck outta me. She even cheated on my dad for five consecutive years till I kicked her out of the house."

Tears stung her eyes as she spoke. "But that did not once break my spirit E. I didn't let the damage of my past define me. I focused on redefining myself and I got rid of my bad habits like smoking weed and drinking every alternate day."

"We all got scars and I know that it hurts sometimes. I am not discounting your pain but, if you continue to let it eat you up baby then you will lose yourself to it. And I don't want that for you.

Ethan... You are such a beautiful soul and such a great man who is deserving of the best things in life. You deserve love and happiness. The only thing which is standing between you and all the good things is... Well you.

Stop punishing yourself. Because that is not only going to hurt you, but also the people around you.

You have been so deep in that vicious cycle that you haven't realised that you are hurting me too..."

She sighed as she looked down on her black converse.

"Ethan, emotions are what make us human... You can't run from them forever.

What we have, is so so beautiful... Just come back to me so that I can show you that... Till then, take care, love you and bye..."

DAY 36 (in Tefé, Amazonas)

"Till the take care, love you and bye..."

You have reached the end of the voicemail.

Ethan brought his phone down, guilt and shame swimming in his blue eyes. He knew that it was a dick move to call her superior and get her to take an off but he couldn't bare to see her get weaker and weaker as the days passed.

And the fact that I am the reason behind her sadness...

Ethan pressed his palms against his eyes and applied pressure so as to push back the tears threatening to spill.

He felt so much shame. It coiled around his chest, slowly tightening, choking him.

He didn't deserve her love and he definitely did not deserve her empathy. He did not deserve her kindness nor did he deserve the compassion that she showered his way. She did not deserve to be treated like a doormat or be fucked over by the mixed signals. If he truly loved her he would leave her behind and move on with his life.

But he is selfish.

He couldn't bear the thought of seeing her in the arms of another man. The thought made him want to punch the closest thing to him. He looked down to stare at the wallpaper of his lockscreen.

It was one of the many impromptu pictures he had clicked of her. Most of the ones he had were when she wasn't looking his way but this one, was one of the rare ones where she stared at the camera. A beautiful dimpled smile stared back at him, her hair covering half of her face.

God, she is beautiful with a divine soul.

I don't deserve her... But I want to be hers...

He took the stationery out and with a heavy heart, proceeded to pour out all his regret and shame on to the coffee stained paper.

DAY 45

After numerous sleepless nights Ethan knew that if he didn't sleep, he would surely collapse.

So bidding his colleagues adieu, he went to the motorcycle parked in the makeshift parking lot.

He had recently learnt how to drive a bike and now he somewhat related to those motorbike junkies.

It was an exhilarating experience. The breeze whistling through his brown wavy hair, the feeling of the sun shining on his face and to hear the roar of Amazon as he rode down the roads was intoxicating.

He felt the most at peace when he rode the bike. The hum of the engine beneath him would lull him into a state of calmness and it's only during those times, his mind would wander to Leah.

He would often think about how much Leah would enjoy pillion riding. He could imagine her having this wide grin on her face and her arms wrapped around his lean waist. He could imagine her hair billowing behind her in wild waves and the sun would make her skin glow with a caramel hue. She would giggle as the wind tickling her face.

These thoughts were what kept him sane, and gave him something to look forward too. He knew that it was ironic but he just couldn't help himself.

It had been a month since he had last seen her and he missed her so much.

The sun had set and Ethan parked his bike near the B&B he was living in. After taking out the keys from the ignition, he climbed the steps leading to the reception. He gave a nod to the receptionist and trudged to his room, tiredness making him hunch as he walked.

As he stepped into his room, he started stripping till he was in his underwear. He headed to the bathroom to get fresh, his body on auto pilot. His brain felt like mush and his eyes were bloodshot red.

I need a scotch... He thought to himself. In the last month, all the pubs and restaurants were closed so he couldn't go anywhere to get a drink. He was stressed and tired, both emotionally and physically.

He sighed and headed to his bed, stark naked. The moment his head hit the pillow, he passed out, slipping into a deep slumber.

He was so deep asleep, that he didn't hear the sound of his phone ringing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunshine streamed through the sheer curtains, illuminating the room in a soft glow. The reflection of the river casted shadows on the walls and the birds chirped a happy tune, to signal the start of a new day.

Ethan started waking up gradually, feeling much better. He felt well rested and his back wasn't killing him anymore. He stretched, the muscles of his abdomen and back, contracting and relaxing, as he got rid of the lingering sleep.

He sat up and his eyes landed on his phone. Picking it up he started checking his notifications as he headed to the washroom to start with his morning chores.

There were a couple from the hospital, updating him about the patients. None of them were dead so that's a good thing. He saw messages from his dad and Naveen but his eyes narrowed in on a particular name.

Leah🌞 (1) voicemail (10) messages

That's new. Ethan mused as he brushed his teeth. He pressed the play button and kept the phone on speaker.

"Heyyyyy Ethannnn." Leah slurred and Ethan's eyes widened.

"What's up duuddddee? How is it hangin' man? It been so long since I have spoken to you and no this...this 'voicemails' don't count because you aren't replying to me."

A short pause followed before Leah spoke up over the music. "Do you hate me? Like I need to know. I need ANSWERS. Am I that revolting that you had to run thousands and hundreds of miles away from me? Is it because I snort when I laugh?"

Her voice cracked towards the end before she snorted.

"You know what? You are one grade A pussy. Yes, you heard me! Inserts the 'Why are you running?' meme. I don't think you would understand that context because you are an anormal. I- I don't understand this running business. I show you affections you run away. I compliment you, you run away. I have sex with you, you run away. Maybe... Maybe I am the dumbass here?

Tbh, I have no fuckin' clue!!

And I am here all alone in this... Dive in bar or whatever the fuck this is, and the guys have just been flirting with me. And they should because I am a motherfucking goddess!! Like have you see my ass? Wait, you have whoops... but the point is, whenever they walk up to me or- or buy me a drink my dumb brain goes on to analyse how they can never compare to you.

So thanks bro, you fucked me up real good!"

Leah laughed so hard and worry churned in his chest.

She blew a raspberry. "Ethan, idk man you suck. Like so bad...or should I say good? I am confusion at this point. When I am sober, I miss you so so much. So I decided why not forget by getting completely and utterly wasted. But... Now I am drunk and I miss you more and none of my friends are here to save me from my phone so sorry, if I said somethings that I meant, 'kay?

I honestly though that loving you would be easy but... I don't feel like loving you anymore. But that's the thing about love... You can fall in love easily, but getting over someone you love could take foreverrrr.

So, don't worry bro. It's not like I am getting over you anytime soon and I am not running away anywhere. Can't say the same thing 'bout you though...

Anyways, it is 3 am and I see Bryce coming... So fuck you man. You missed out on your one shot at love and I hope you be alone for the rest of your life. Peace out, chinga madre!"

The voicemail ended and Ethan stood in shock.

I don't feel like loving you anymore...

You missed your one shot at love...

Those words cut so deep into his heart. It was painful and Ethan had to grip the counter. He could feel his heart shattering and tears threatened to spill. Those words hurt, it felt like a stitch tearing or a punch in the gut.

Ethan was never one to be affected by words. But these ones stung him.

So this is how Leah felt when I ran away...

As Leah says, I am a dumbass.

Ethan reached for the tap and splashed water on his face and wiped his hands before opening the messages.

Leah... I may be an asshole but I will always want to be your asshole.

That come out wrong.

Fuck.

Ethan shook his head and sat on the desk, scratching his beard and thinking of what to write in his response.

DAY 50

Ethan took his stethoscope from his ears and smiled at the child. "You are getting strong Julio."

"So I am killing all the bad germs?" Eyes filled with curiosity looked up at him.

"Yes. You are just like spiderboy, killing all the bad guys."

"It's Spiderman Dr. Ramsey!!" The boy exclaimed.

It's the same thing! But, Ethan knew better than to bring it up. He had learnt his lesson with Leah and her obsession with Marvel.

"Okay, okay, spiderman. Just a another week of rest and medicines and you will beat all of the bad boys like him."

"But the medicine is so yucky..." The 4 year old scrunched his face up and crossed his arms.

"I know the medicines taste bad so I have something for you for being a good boy."

"Really?!" He asked gleefully.

Ethan dug into his coat and took out some lemon candy. "Here Julio."

He squealed and took it. "Thank you!!"

He felt his phone ring in his pocket and he took it out to see. When his eyes landed on the notification, his face morphed into a grin.

Leah🌞 (1) missed call (1) voicemail

"Who is that?" Julio looked over Ethan's hand to look at the phone. Ethan looked at the kid and saw him staring at the wallpaper of his lockscreen.

"That... That is a girl."

"Even I can see that Dr. R." The kid rolled his eyes and studied Leah's picture with utmost concentration. "Is she your wife? Or your girlfriend?"

Ethan choked and covered it up with a cough. "Um... nothing of that sort. She is just a girl, who I miss a lot."

"But she must be something you, no? If you miss her so much?" Brown eyes twinkled as he looked up with innocence in his eye.

"She is my Sunshine." He shrugged as he ruffled Julio's hair. "But enough worrying about me. Be a good kid and don't bother your mama, Julio." Ethan started walking out if the room.

"Sim! Also, luz solar (your sunshine) is so pretty." The boy called out to him.

Don't I know that?

Ethan shook his head, smiling to himself as he walked up to the nurse's station. He disposed his gloves and sanitized his hands before taking his phone out. He walked to the near by supply closet so that he could hear the voicemail without any disturbance.

"Hey Ethan... Well the last voicemail was a disaster, wasn't it?" Leah nervously chuckled over the line.

"Please don't hate me. I tried to apologise through the messages. And I know you read them because I saw the bubble with three dots for half an hour. So, if you think you are sneaky, then you need to work on your skills old man." She chuckled and Ethan chuckled at the comment.

I could never hate you sunshine.

"I am actually doing so much better now. I think I just needed to get wasted... Have a good cry... And curse you out or something. No offense.

I have been listening to so many songs and I relate to them at a spiritual level. Everything sounds like a love song now. It's a real dilemma whether to dance or cry to them.

Also, Sienna has been such a huge help! Naveen told her whatever happened and she is so supportive... We watched trashy romantic movies and ate so much ice cream. My dad also it's going to come in a couple of days so... Maybe he will give me advice?

So things aren't as hopeless as they were a week ago.

I mean, it still hurts but it doesn't rip me apart everyday. I still hate you a little but, my love overpowers it. It's a war everyday but I try to beat down the sadness everyday."

Ethan felt so proud of Leah. She just needs to be reminded how strong she is and she will annihilate all her demons.

"I am gonna be honest... Your tactic of running away isn't going to make my feelings less for you, because absence makes the heart grow fonder. Like right now, I am witnessing Zaid feeding Ines cake. It's their anniversary and they are so in love that I feel like an outsider.

I mean I am in love but, the love of my life isn't here. So... Yeah.. I miss you right now... But, I have a strong feeling that our relationship is a unique kind, Y'know? Our relationship is so deep rooted and emotionally strong, that it can survive numerous storms.

We are so beautiful and so strong together... 

I am just waiting for the day when you realise that E.

And when you realise, I hope you come back to me."

Ethan brought his phone down, heart filled with so much love for this woman. He is aware of the feelings he had for her and he could have said those three words easily. But, deep down he knew he wasn't ready.

He wasn't the man she deserved yet. He had way too many demons of his past and in order to be with her, he had to face them and this time, he would do it the right way.

So with a bitter sweet feeling and courage, he got up and went back to work.

DAY 53

"Doctor, the gymnasium lot of patients are responding positively to the new vaccine." The young intern spoke excitedly.

"That's good. And have we finished the inoculation procedure for ward 314?"

"Yes doctor."

"Excellent work, Dr. Santos." Ethan nodded before looking down at the charts. It was mid afternoon and the sun relentlessly beat down on his back, making his sweat excessively.

He was standing outside the make-shift tent near the gymnasium, going through the charts. He was posted in the hospital, on the other side of the city usually but they swapped him to work at the gymnasium for today.

He could see so much joy and happiness in the recovered patients as they embraced and kissed their loved ones. It was a harrowing period for them and being apart for two months can really be lonely. He saw the young lovers kiss and hug each other tightly.

Will this be me and Leah when I meet her again? Ethan wondered as his eyes dropped down to the sheets of papers in his hand.

"Ethan! Glad you could join us here." Dr. Batra said with a soft smile.

"Hello to you too Dr. Batra."

"I have told you numerous times to call me Neelam. We have worked and fought an epidemic together so you can call me by my first name."

"Sorry Neelam, force of habit I guess."

"How are you since I last saw you? Have you been eating? Have you been sleeping?" She asked, her eyes critically observing him, like a mother does to her child.

Ethan was not familiar with the concept of maternal love. He found it foreign but at the same time, it helped a little in filling the void in his heart.

"Yes Neelam. I have been taking care of myself."

"And how about your, jaanu?"

"Jaanu?" Ethan asked inquisitively as he turned his head to look at her.

"Jaanu in hindi means love of your life." She said with a sly smirk playing on her lips.

"Good god." He groaned and stuffed his face even more into the charts, feeling his cheeks burning up.

"She is fine." He muttered out.

"Sorry, I couldn't hear that."

Ethan narrowed his eyes at her and she just gave a toothy grin. "I said that she is doing fine. As fine as she can be." He felt a tinge of guilt flare up in his chest.

"Ethan... Don't feel guilty. If she truly loves you, she will understand." her face full of empathy.

"That's the problem!! I have been nothing but a fucktard and yet she shows me empathy and loves me unconditionally. I feel so damn guilty and I hate myself for hurting her."

"Ethan, I have said this before and I will say it again. I can see how much you love her but, how will you return all that love if you can't even love yourself?"

"Love myself? Where is that coming from?"

"You put up the 'I don't give a damn about your opinion' vibe but I can see the self hatred in your eyes. Son, you are the thorn in your own path."

"I..." For the first time in a long time, Ethan was rendered speechless.

"Ethan... The first step towards loving someone is loving yourself first. Okay...Imagine that you have a cup. Self love fills half of that cup up and when you find 'the one', it becomes full. It's like a mutualistic relationship, you fill her cup up and vice versa.

Right now, your cup is empty because of the self hatred. And your girl is trying her very best to fill up the void but, she is loosing out on herself while doing that. It's hurting her as well as you."

"So what do I do?"

"You communicate. You talk out your feelings. Have trust in her that when you open up your deepest vulnerabilities, she will accept it and not hesitate to love you. Love is a two way street. You can't expect her to bare her soul if you can't do the same."

"Wow." Ethan's head was full with thoughts.

"Wow indeed."

"Neelam, we should call you the Love doctor."

She gave a tinkling laugh, her dark brown eyes twinkling. "Nah son. I am just a woman who has seen a lot in life."

He was about to respond when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He dug his phone out and unlocked it.

Leah 🌞 (1) voicemail

"Sorry I have to take this." Neelam nodded and he walked towards the deserted park. He sat down on the rusty swing and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Hey... So I told you that my dad was coming to Boston, right? Well, we had a nice chat about us and it's been really insightful.

Needless to say my father said some not nice things and he almost brought an entire squad of marines to beat the shit outta you BUT, I stopped him because as much as you infuriate me, I would like your pretty face intact."

Ethan chuckled as he played with his frayed ripped jeans.

"I told him about how sad I have been and how everything sucks. I even spoke about the happy times when we would solve the various cases together or the times when we would buy take out and pull all nighters. I spoke about my fears and doubts that maybe, just maybe you don't love me. After hearing my rant he told me something that helped erase all the lingering doubts.

He said, "Mija, When someone makes you the happiest person and the saddest person at the same time, that's when it's real. That's when it's worth something." Isn't that true for us?

I can make you so angry that you could put hulk to shame but, I can also make you laugh when you are low. And vice versa! You make me so happy most of the times... when you are not being a colossal pain in the ass."

There was silence on the line, as if she was thinking.

"I think I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt... only more love.

This is just a rough patch but, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just like after a dark storm comes sunshine.

This is just a test for us, to see if we are strong. And believe me, I think we are the unstoppable duo. The diagnostics posse!

And when all this... Haze of doubts was cleared from my mind, I could see clearly. I could remember the promise I made you.

I will be waiting, for as long as you need.

And it's true.

So for now... I will love you through the phone. I will try to make it a point for you to know, that I will never ever stop loving you. I will be there through thick and thin.

Just give me a chance to prove it. Have faith that I will catch you when you fall. Just, come back to me.

I love you...bye."

Ethan stared at his phone for a long time. There were so many thoughts swimming in his head. But one thought just rang wide and clear in his head. Or rather, one word.

Sunshine...

So he sat there, alone with his thoughts until the sun set on him.

DAY 59

"To the best team of doctors!" A thunder of applause ran through the huge crowd as they screamed and shouted with joy.

"Thanks to these geniuses, Tefé is now free of cholera! Also, a huge thanks to the citizens as well. Your support has been so helpful. We are strong together!" The mayor's voice boomed.

We are strong together... You and I. Leah's words resounded in his head as he looked down at his combat boots, arms crossed.

He wasn't paying any attention to the mindless congratulations. His mind was swirling with the thought that within 60 hours, he is going to see her.

He was done with slogging his ass and he was done running. He will man the fuck up, and fix his issues before he asks her out. That's a promise he made to himself.

The gift he bought for her, weighed him down with uncertainty. Whether she would like it or not.

His mind was also going back to last year. The intern year was going to come to an end in two days and Ethan couldn't fathom just how far she had come. Last year, at this time, he met her. If you would have told him that he would have fallen head over heels in love with someone, he would have just admitted that person for LSD overuse. But, now here we are.

Damnn... Its already been a year.

After the thank you ceremony was done, the doctors headed to the pub for a drink. They ordered some local cuisines and a couple of beers to celebrate their win. As much as Ethan enjoyed the smooth scotch running down his throat, he still couldn't keep his mind off their inevitable meeting.

Will she look at me and be angry?

Will she throw a drink on my face? Or kick me in the balls?

Or will she jump into my arms?

Questions... Questions...

By the time they were done, it was almost 2 am. They had an afternoon flight so that was a good thing. He wasn't drunk, but definitely a little tipsy. The last thing he wanted was to nurse a hangover early in the morning that too, on a flight.

After being dropped off at his B&B, he felt his phone vibrate. He saw Leah's name flash and his face scrunched in confusion.

It's late, she should be asleep.

He pressed the button to play the voicemail and Leah's soft voice flooded, making Ethan even more intoxicated.

"Hi... Today it's a clear sky and honestly, it looks so beautiful. The moon is shining so bright and the stars are twinkling. I was brought up in Washington DC and never in my life have I ever seen so many stars at night. It's so breathtaking..."

Ethan headed to the basically and stood outside. He leaned on the railing and looked up and indeed, it was a starry night. It was like diamonds glittering and swaying in the moonlight. And the moon... It shone in its elegance, basking Ethan in its radiance.

Leah chuckled. "I can't believe it's been a year since I became a doctor. A full fledged working doctor. It seems so surreal how this year passed by in a flash. I feel like I have grown and matured, but at the same time I still feel as clueless as my first day of work.

The day I met you... T

o be honest, I expected a grumpy old grandpa as Ethan Ramsey, but I got a handsome, dashing grump instead. I ain't complaining though. It's just...I am in a reminiscing mood."

Don't worry sunshine... Me too.

"Did you know, when we look at stars on a clear night sky we are, in a way, looking back in time? Before you roll your eyes and think this is some philosophical propaganda, there is a perfect logical explanation to it. What we see today is an object whose emitted light started its journey millions of year back and from trillions of kilometres away and are reaching our eyes now.

So... Here I am, peeping into the memories of our past. The kisses, the hugs, the love making and the joyous moments we shared. I miss that..

I miss us... I am here, waiting for you.

Come back to me, Ethan."

Ethan replayed the voicemail, as he continued to look at the stars, thinking back to the times when he had her I'm his arms.

Don't worry sunshine, I am coming home.

well, what do you think?

and what do you think will be Leah’s reaction?

a. she will kick him in the nuts

b. she will kiss the fuck outta him

c. all of the above

I hope y'all liked it.. was lowkey nervous bout this fic heheheh

like, comment and reblog ;))

[bestodictadora]

TMI: Rex

Hey there, this isn’t an ORV quote :(

La @mawumi me retó a hacer un análisis de ciertos puntos de uno de mis personajes, y como de la mayoría de ellos ya he publicado fichas con textos larguísimos escarbando en los más mínimos detallitos de su comportamiento, esta vez decidí (con ayuda de Lau, porque yo no sé elegir) tomar un personaje de mi novela en vez de uno de juegos de rol.

Rex, el verdugo de Heras en La Ira de los Héroes.

Junto con Rea y Gun, uno de los protagonistas de la historia (& PoV).

Desde luego, es un personaje que cambia mucho a medida que la historia avanza, por lo que haré el análisis tomando en cuenta solamente su forma de ser en la etapa inicial de la novela. 

Listas las introducciones, empiezo.

Rex es un bastardo. Literalmente. Bueno, también figurativamente. 

Un muchachito ciego que creció como un plebeyo y eventualmente descubrió que su padre era el mismísimo Emperador de Heras. Una criaturita nacida del barro al que un día le dijeron que tenía un núcleo de oro. 

Sin embargo, no es esa la razón por la que él es especial. 

En un mundo donde los dioses han muerto y la magia ha desaparecido, él nació con el don de ver y utilizar la energía del universo. Sus ojos, que no disciernen los objetos que tiene en frente, distinguen el poder de la vida y el alma de las personas. Y sus manos, callosas y raspadas como las de todo plebeyo, pueden tocar ese poder.

Por tanto, él no sólo es especial. Rex se siente especial.

Desde el inicio de su existencia, ese niño creció sintiéndose diferente y, eventualmente, superior al resto de las personas. Y entonces, se llamó a sí mismo dios en un mundo sin dioses.

“Don't fuck around, you're not a god.” 

Myrellia sounded tired, and Rex smirked, narrowing one eye. 

‘Of course not. I’m alive. Thus, I’m better.’

Aquel talento, así como la falta de padres que le enseñaran las reglas básicas de la sociedad durante la infancia, hicieron de él un adulto desvergonzado con delirios de grandeza que jamás pudo adaptarse del todo a las reglas de la sociedad, moviéndose bajo sus propias leyes sin respeto alguno bajo el estandarte del poder en bruto. 

Rex se reconoce a sí mismo como el ser más poderoso del mundo, alguien grandioso que sólo se halla entre meros mortales en un necesario camino para alcanzar su destino como dios. Por tanto, no respeta a nadie que no sea más fuerte que él.

“I am the rightful heir of the throne. And you, a bastard. So you are not allowed to talk to me like that.” [...]

“Gunan, is it? Ya’re wrong,” Rex continued, not giving him time to correct the name. “Crowns are trash. What really matters in this world is the power, ya see. But, well...” 

He chuckle. The Emperor frowned, but he couldn’t stop him in time. 

“Ya’re weak.”

Dicho esto, su percepción sobre sí mismo está distorsionada: cree que lo que lo hace superior a los demás es que puede hacer algo que nadie más puede, y que con eso puede vencer al resto del mundo, mas no reconoce como relevante cualquier don que diste de sus intereses. 

Puede que se encuentre con alguien con un gran talento para cantar, pero ya que a él no le interesa la música, le parecerá un talento inútil así eso ubique a dicha persona en un puesto superior al suyo en el ámbito de la música. Lo mismo sucede con la vista, o con el dinero: la ausencia de habilidades o facilidades que no le interesan ni le duelen, y hasta se mofa de ellas. En contraposición, se obsesiona con ser el mejor en todo lo que es bueno.

Porque es, efectivamente, arrogante. Pero necesita sostener esa arrogancia demostrándose una y otra vez que es grandioso. 

The greater the adversary, the more glorious his victory would be.

Es, pues, bastante autoexigente. Puede que no le importen las opiniones de los demás —pues para él sería como pedir la opinión de pulgas—, pero su propia percepción de sí mismo afecta enormemente a su comportamiento. Está acostumbrado a ser el mejor, y no quiere abandonar ni ceder el puesto. 

Lo que es más, jamás está del todo satisfecho: si alcanza la cima de una montaña, buscará escalar los cielos.

Es, a fin de cuentas, un niño de la calle. Aún con todo el poder del mundo, nunca terminará de sentirse satisfecho, ni seguro. 

Pues aún con poder, él también fue pequeño e insignificante alguna vez.

Y sabe, un dios como él jamás debería pasar por algo como eso.

h  i  s     w  e  a  k  n  e  s  s  e  s      a  n  d     s  t  r  e  n  g  t  h  s

En su cerrada arrogancia y obsesiva búsqueda del poder absoluto, Rex es una persona ignorante. No puede concebir el hecho de que no es perfecto, que no es tan grandioso como cree que es, porque en su cabeza, todo lo que no hace no vale la pena, y por tanto no es un requisito de la verdadera perfección. 

Pese a su carácter libertino y salvaje, es bastante cerrado de mente. No tiende a discutir las cosas porque en su cabeza no vale la pena esforzarse en instruir a los seres inferiores —ya que la ignorancia y percepción equivocada de la realidad es una de las cosas que los hacen inferiores—, demasiado tozudos como para entenderle. Pero al final del día, él es igual, y es porque él es así que asume que el resto lo será.

Es práctico con lo que le interesa, obstinado con lo que le importa, e indiferente con todo lo demás.

Tiende a darle mucha importancia a las primeras impresiones, y sobreestimar o subestimar a las personas dependiendo de las mismas. 

It was a disappointment: he really believed that this time he would find a worthy adversary. 

But there he was, dead, now an inert mass imperceptible to him, who could only see life. The smile slowly faded from his face, until he finally clicked his tongue and kicked the corpse. 

‘They told me ya were stronger, Yarjan Huke.’ Pathetic.

Es un maldito, demasiado metido en sí mismo como para pensar un poco de más en el resto, y aunque se le da excelentemente evaluar sus habilidades, debilidades y potencial —dentro de su ámbito, que es la batalla—, carece totalmente de habilidades para conectar emocionalmente con ellos. No le interesan como personas, sino como peldaños en su escalera hacia la gloria. No entiende los sentimientos, propios ni ajenos, y no tiene ningún aliado porque cree que no los necesita ni logra establecer lazos con ellos.

Entonces, toma decisiones estúpidas.

Todo su comportamiento depende del gran pilar que es su exageradamente inflado ego, y bien sabemos que ese no es un soporte muy estable, así deba romperse y reconstruirse si se quiere que progrese como persona. 

Sin embargo, ese ego no es infundado.

Rex es, efectivamente, grandioso. Al menos, en su ámbito. Y aunque nació bendecido con buena suerte y un poder único, también nació maldecido con enormes limitaciones físicas y sociales. Sin embargo, se las arregló para salir adelante y escalar estando solo porque el ego no es todo lo que lo define. Me atrevería a decir que esa arrogancia es una herramienta más para su objetivo inicial: la supervivencia.

Él piensa que aquellos que no se sienten ganadores jamás lo serán.

Y para sentirse ganador hay que saber las razones: él las sabe muy bien porque ha ido construyéndolas. Porque así sea talentoso, nunca deja de moverse y esforzarse, con un ansia inhumana de mejora. Es autocrítico. Se alaba cuando hace las cosas bien, pero si comete un error se obsesiona con éste hasta solucionarlo. 

Tras años de esfuerzo, ha hecho de sus debilidades parte de sus fortalezas.

Conoce perfectamente sus capacidades y sus límites, así que pese a ser un bruto y elegir impulsivamente objetivos peligrosos, es cuidadoso al elegir los caminos que utilizará. 

Pues si su mundo gira alrededor de sí mismo, entonces deberá conocer ese mundo a la perfección.

h  i  s     l  i  k  e  s

Lamentablemente a Rex no le interesan las personas, ni conecta con ellas. Es hetero, y sexualmente activo, pero para él es muy difícil desarrollar sentimientos por la gente. Ni siquiera puede establecer amistades apropiadamente, mucho menos amor. 

Él es frívolo. Y aunque hay tipos de persona que le resultan simpáticas, no les toma importancia real. Le agrada la gente sencilla y tonta. La gente chistosa, o que le tienen miedo pero tratan de disimularlo —porque eso los hace luchadores a su modo—, y en general cualquier forma de vida que considere fuerte de una manera u otra. Pero eso es sólo una impresión fugaz.

No es que sea imposible, pero sí es muy difícil, y para que algo llegue a desarrollarse primero él debe empezar a ver el mundo con otros ojos. Y evidentemente, no es algo que sucederá por conocer a alguien más que lo evangelice: él es el tipo de persona que sólo aceptará las ideas que discierna por sí mismo.

Probablemente la mejor manera de conectar con él en su estado inicial de personalidad sea la competitividad. Alguien a quien reconozca como rival bien podría, al menos, ocupar un lugar en su cabeza. Pero entonces tendrá interés en sus habilidades, no en la persona en sí ni sus sentimientos.

Por tanto, nada bueno puede salir de una relación con él hasta que crezca.

m  y     o  p  i  n  i  o  n

La verdad, le tengo mucho cariño al bebé. Es un personaje sumamente imperfecto que ni siquiera sabe que lo es, y por eso me gusta mucho escribirlo y releerlo, para comparar después cómo ha ido progresando. Porque, bueno, me gusta leer el camino de discernimiento en personajes que estaban demasiado metidos en su mundo al principio, y desde luego, escribirlo es igual de divertido.

ADEMÁS está todo meco. Es bastante divertido escribirlo, porque me encanta describir sus acciones insensatas bajo su razonamiento, así como si el narrador compartiera sus absurdas opiniones del mundo y fuera lo más lógico del universo. 

El dude va y se carga a medio mundo, le vale el orden social y todo lo que vaya más allá de la arena de batalla y sus sueños de grandeza. Entonces, aunque sea bonito verlo progresar como persona, él en sus etapas iniciales me gusta mucho, aunque sea un bastardo. Porque es un bastardo divertido.

Como un nene chiquito y un adulto genial al mismo tiempo.

[sinful-liesel]

No English subs when they started speaking French…

Yo, so was I supposed to understand the French or what?! lol I changed to JP subs instead, no regrets! Then I remembered there was an EN dub to this, so I put it on and they still spoke French and still no subs…omg

Kudos to the Spanish dub for ACTUALLY DUBBING this scene! ♡ ♡ ♡ It was just what I expected after reading the JP subs lol↴

Spanish: “Estoy aprendiendo Frances maldito bastardo, es un gusto.” “Es un gusto, maldito bastardo.” English: “Nice to meet you. I’m learning French, fucking bastard.” “Nice to meet you, fucking bastard.” or something like that lol