#making this mostly because someone actually found out about neil gaiman from my last vague text posts

[elinordash]

reminder that Neil Gaiman has been accused of sexual abuse by five (5) women

[morphedphaseblog]

The starless sea by Erin Morgenstern

Goodreads version

The introduction

This is just to warn everyone that I'm not a literature student, an English major nor a native English speaker, so I'm sorry in advance if this is a jumbled mess. I tend to ramble a lot but I've really tried to keep this as short as possible. (Short meaning a little bit over two thousand words for one review, I've never written a review this long.) I wrote this for self indulgence and for my lovely book club @readerbookclub

The first impression

This book pleasantly surprised me, it was like a very long dream that you don't want to wake up from. The moment I finished it I wished that I hadn't because I couldn't part from it just yet. It would feel almost like cheating, I wanted the intertwined stories to continue and for me to remain in its trance, lost in the beautiful writing and bizarre world.

I will be the first to admit that when someone says the story is written almost poem-like, in prose, and similar, I will immediately think of meaningless quotes that are there just to look pretty. Characters saying things just to sound deep, frilly writing that leads nowhere, and dragged on descriptions that had no place being that long and boring. Those are the first things I think of when I'm confronted with someone explaining those kinds of books to me, and that's completely my fault. This book was none of that, it was captivating from the first page to the last.

"There is a pirate in the basement. (The pirate is a metaphor but also still a person.) "

I can tell you, when I first read this, on the first goddamn page, I was hooked. This book has a strong bizzare sort of setting, one that almost reminds me of Neil Gaiman, distinctively Neverwhere with its underground society and twisted perceptions of reality, and yet this book stands out on its own as an individual. It's definitely a unique book, one that I'm still hesitant to part from.

The writing

This book has a very unique writing style, one that is extremely consistent throughout the book. There's nothing I hate more than an inconsistent writing style that changes without a reason. The author plays around with words and describes things simply yet poetically. There were only maybe two instances where I thought the writing was a bit pretentious, but ultimately the good outweighs the bad.

I don't know what exactly it is, but I will try and explain through the next few quotes:

"The book is mis-shelved in the fiction section, even though the majority of it is true and the rest is true enough"

(This really gives you the sense of vague foreshadowing in the book, where even though the description tells you sweet sorrows is mostly true you don't realise how true it actually is. I never saw the fact that the characters in that book would be actual people that interact with our main characters. Plus the writing is really pretty)

"It's binding has been cracked a handful of times, once a professor even perused the first few pages and intended to come back to it but forgot about it instead."

(Is it just me but these small detailed descriptions really give you a sense of real world happenings and that the story is really set in the real world. You can imagine people passing their fingers over the spine of the book before glancing around and getting distracted with something else. The professor taking it into his hands and skimming it but ultimately forgetting all about it later, and finally Zachary reading the whole book from top to bottom.)

"His dark hair is grading at the temples, framing a face that would be called handsome if the word rugged or unconventionally were attached to it."

(Now I'm in love with this kind of mental visual, it's fun and it almost plays with your expectations. I just really like small things like these, they immediately make my reading extremely entertaining.)

"Someone in the corner is dressed as a highly recognizable author or, Zachary thinks as he gets a closer look, it might be that highly recognizable author."

(Again as before, this is the kind of writing I like. It plays with your imaginary visuals of what's happening and making them ten times more fun, especially when we confirm a bit later that that had indeed been that highly recognizable author.)

"He walks over bones he mistakes for dust and nothingness he mistakes for bones."

(Yet another example of those fun visuals, I didn't even realise how many of these I had marked until I had to go through them for this review. I just adore this writing style.)

I have so many more of these so here are just a few more to really make this review even longer:

"A portrait of a young man in a coat with a great many buttons but the buttons are all tiny clocks, from the collar to the cuffs, each reading different times."

"His face is so much more than hair and eye colour, she wonders why books do not describe the curves of noses or the length of the eyelashes. She studies the shape of his lips. Perhaps a face is too complicated to capture in words."

"There are dozens of giant statues. Some figures have animal heads and others have list their heads entirely. They are listed throughout the space in a way that looks so organic that Zachary would not be surprised if they moved, or perhaps they are moving, very, very slowly."

"The figure in the chair is carved from snow and ice. As her gown cascades down around the chair the ripples in the fabric become waves, and within waves there are ships and sailors and sea monsters and then the sea within her gown is lost in the drifting snow."

"Allegra watches him with studied interest from the other end of the table, the way one watches a tiger in a zoo or possibly the way the tiger watches the tourists."

"It sounds strange and empty now, in her head. Rhyme can hear the hum of the past stories though they are low and quiet, the stories always calm once they have been written down whether they are past stories or present stories or future stories.

It is the absence of the high-pitched stories of the future that is the most strange. There is the thrum of what will pass in the next few minutes buzzing in her ears- so faint compared to the tales layered upon tales that she once heard- and then nothing. Then this place will have no more tales to tell." .

(Probably one of my favourites, it really highlights everything I like about this style of writing.)

Another kind of writing style I noticed in the book was an abundance of making things literally feel alive, giving human emotions to objects, personification. I don't come across this too often in other books, and when it happens it isn't repeated as often in that same book,since it tends to get old, but as we have already learned Erin Morgenstern never makes this boring. She plays around with this and never seems to stop, adding another layer to her writing cake. I love how she gives these characteristics to even the smallest of crevices hidden in shadows, something just people wouldn't even think of.

"He takes his torch and explores the shadows, away from the doors and the tent, among jagged crystals and forgotten architecture. He carries the light into places long unfamiliar with illumination that accept it like a half-remembered dream."

"Outside the inn the wind howls, confused by this turn of events. (The wind does not like to be confused. Confusion ruins it's sense of direction and direction is everything to the wind.)"

"The wind howls after him as he leaves in fear of what is to come, but a mortal cannot understand the wishes of the wind no matter how loud it cries and so these final warnings go unheeded."

"If the sword could sigh with relief as it is taken from its scabbard it would, for it has been lost and found so many times before and it knows this time will be the last."

One more thing that caught my eye in the writing was also the composition, where we technically start with in medias Res. We find out by the end of the book that everything that has happened was one big ass story wrapped in stories and overlapped with other stories. So Zachary literally comes in not even in the middle of the story, but at the very end that has been overdue for quite some time. This makes for a very interesting storyline as all the other storylines intertwine into eachother, it makes for an even more interesting read as our MC comes in only when the plot is at its end, tipping over the very edge.

(I also got the feeling that the entire book is almost told through the perspective of the story, if that makes any sense whatsoever. It's almost like the story, that is bound together like the most complicated twister game, is alive and is smiling over our characters smugly waiting for everything to run its course. Like an omnipresent god, that's at least the vibe I got reading the book. )

The world building

Now in my opinion the world building goes hand in hand with the writing in this book. Every detail I mentioned before builds the atmosphere and the base of all the world building in this book. The way the plot is written is written also contributes to the world building, as all the stories overlap and meet at the very end. The looping plot line is actually my number one favourite thing in the entire book.

There isn't that much to say except 'what the hell is going on?' in the best way possible, to the world building, because as confusing as it can be it's amazing to read and I think that it's one of my favourite aspects of the book.

The Characters

Now is time for the weakest part of the book, its characters, who even though I think are amazing, are definitely flatter than everything else in the book.

In my opinion most characters personalities I just can't pinpoint, and even though this personally doesn't take away from my enjoyment too much, I know a lot of people love well defined character personalities.

For some characters I can understand the constant change in character, like Mirabel, whose multiple lifetimes make it so it makes sense why her personalities overlap and make little sense. She constantly felt a bit inconsistent to me, but again I personally didn't think it ruined the book.

The most well developed personalities I could feel were Kat and the keeper, and at times Dorian. Zachary is a weird gray area for me, because even though I loved his character, I can't really tell who he is besides the son of the fortuneteller. I think that most of the character building was sacrificed to make the plot and the world feel alive. As I said before, it feels like the omnipresent god and the world is more developed than any of the characters personalities.

I usually love marking all 'character moments' where I feel like I can understand what kind of person the character is, their sense of humour, friendship, socializing, thinking and so on. But I found myself marking basically nothing of that kind in this book, just the beautiful descriptions of the world. The story was just more alive than the characters in it.

I liked all the romances even though they all lacked some depth, but the fairytale style writing of the romance definitely made them extremely enjoyable. If it weren't for the fairytale vibe all the romance would have been just flat, and I  wouldn’t be invested at all.

The Conclusion

I wouldn't reccomend this book for everyone, as I think great many people wouldn't be fans of the writing, and so the lack of character depth wouldn't help either and there would be no good to outweigh the bad. I truly think this book is a perfect 4 starts but to me personally it is 5 stars. I am just such a big fan of the looping storyline, I still haven't gotten over that. To finish it all off here are a few extra quotes that I liked:

"No one takes responsibility. Everyone assumes someone else will do it, so no one does."

"It is critical to steep the tests in ignorance to result in uncorrupted responses."

"They all have similar elements, though. All stories do, no matter what form they take. Something was, and then something changed. Change is what a story is, after all."

[f-117-nighthawk]

More playlist meta bc I don’t wanna do homework and Jimmy kicked me out of the TA room saying I’d been in there for far too long for a Friday (it was four hours! Interspaced between classes! Workshop kit inventory is just an excuse to blast Gloryhammer to me, it’s fun)

Since I was talking about Ten Thousand Against One earlier, I’ve been thinking about the timeline and which event the songs are connected to. Long post under the cut

Turn the Lights Out is... sort of an odd case. It’s not like Remnants of Stars, which is about Galran and my philosophy about how we were created, what happens to us when we die, and the cycles that power the universe. Of course, Remnants of Stars is a little more than just philosophy. It actually describes (in a rather metaphorical way) the actual process of the marthinazik filtering quintesence into new stars, planets, beings, anything you can think of. It also has a very important lyric for much much later like, post Sticky Notes later. Now that I think about it, it actually defines a good chunk of that maybe-sequel-maybe-idea era in conjunction with Soul Extract’s Filaments. 

Anyway, back to Turn the Lights Out. It’s an odd case because it’s sort of like Remnants of Stars in that it’s more about the philosophy, but it’s before Remnants of Stars because it’s also kind of an event. If you read interviews with Delain about Moonbathers, Charlotte states that Turn the Lights Out is about Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics, specifically the character of Death. I confess I haven’t read those comics, but my interpretation fits her rather well I think. To me, Turn the Lights Out is about a gentle god who accepts they will not always be seen as who they are but will give their everything to protect those within their universe. Now, who does that sound like? Which characters have been around since the birth of the universe, under various names, whether they be Ibeshganszá, ‘kibrraldíl, Marduzbazí, or Vôltrôn? 

You can make an argument for Your World Will Fail to be directly after Turn the Lights Out, but I rather like it after Remnants of Stars too. Turn the Lights Out is the beginning of the universe, so naturally, it goes first. Sentient life needs to evolve for Remnants of Stars to truly fit, and even though Your Would Will Fail technically can happen at any point between the first Plank time and the next, it also happens when the comet that becomes Voltron crashes into Daibazaal. The Your World Will Fail/Dark Matter/Eater of Worlds trio is both a general, entire timeline-spanning idea, and a specific event. 

(Your world will fail my love/It's far beyond repair/Your world will fail my love/It is already there)

(Bring me your soul/Bring me your hate/In my name you will create/Bring me your fear/Bring me your pain/You will destroy in my name)

(Can't imagine the violence/The rage and the love in my madness/I am the eater of worlds and I'm looking for someone to feed me)

And then, right after that event, or even during, you have Apocalypse 1992. The death of the dream, the final madness before the triumph of chaos. 

You Keep What You Kill is very much the odd one out out of everything. Helion Prime based it off a book I forget the name of, but here it’s purely about Zarkon’s empire. The “Holy Half-Dead” have lost so much of their culture, of the family bonds that kept them together even when their mistakes threatened the destruction of all, but they still remember the songs of glory. And they do keep what they kill. 

And then there’s a rather large time jump of about five thousand Earth years to The Seven Sisters. This song is pretty well encapsulated in Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) (which is a lyric from Closure, but Closure is later for Reasons), but the other half of it is connected to Memories of a Girl I Haven’t Met.

Who Will Save You Now has gone through so many iterations of what it’s connected to I honestly don’t remember what it actually is anymore. Given its placement between The Seven Sisters and Nobody Gets Left Behind, I think it’s related to the SFSS Genesis’s disappearance. But it could also be placed in conjunction with A Simple Plan and be about something slightly different...hm, I’ll think on that. This song has such a Dark Matter vibe to me, but it hasn’t found a home that sticks in my brain yet. 

Nobody Gets Left Behind is really there bc it’s a fun song and when I found 1551 I immediately had to put something in. BUT it is a good song about family dynamics and, well, that’s Voltron in a nutshell right? (and then you get, right there in the first verse, “Don't even try to pretend/That you're rough and just as tough/As when you're missing a friend/Attack and take him back/Cause when the team isn't whole/You've got a hole in your soul/So step up to your fucking role/We might get hurt/We might be taking some hits/But when you're taking our friend/Then that's some personal shit” and you cannot tell me that’s not everybody’s mood post Battle in the Sarnan Nebula) 

A Simple Plan is a new addition in the past few weeks. I rediscovered The Spiritual Machines a few weeks ago and the lyric “How long can we hold off ending/How long can we pretend we're ok” hit me right in the Keith feels. So this one is in conjunction with the first verse of Nobody Gets Left Behind. The entire song actually reminds me of Dark Matter with how it’s centralized at one event but contains hints of other things (The truth arrived too slow).

Memories of a Girl I Haven't Met is maybe one standard year (so six earth months-ish?) after A Simple Plan. 

String Theory is... weird. It’s mostly there for the title, but the lyrics do contain themes found in other parts of the playlist that fit really well but don’t map to the event I associate the song with. It’s honestly about Shiro missing Adam and the rest of the people on Earth. Which, granted, given the point in the timeline the title is associated with makes a certain amount of sense but...idk. And the bit that begins with “You don’t believe in space” is about something entirely different. It’s confusing, but all inexplicably related to the title event.

Interesting fact: My Dark Matter drafts/ideas folder is actually split int pre- and post- String Theory folders. It was originally because String Theory is such a pivotal moment in the Coalition’s efforts, but it also ended up vaguely the middle of the timeline. It’s the point where things absolutely, truly, have no relation to what happens in canon. The butterfly effect stemming from the events of Shatterpoint (and an implied secondary shatterpoint in another fic) have changed things enough that apart from one general event, nothing happens the same way (and that event is for drastically different reasons). All in all, it fits the weird vibe of the song rather well.

Next is Belgrade, the Ultimate Klance Song, about three months later. Fun Shenanigans happen in conjunction with this absolute bop.

Here’s the surprisingly big gap of just over a standard Earth year, in which several important events happen that don’t have songs attached to them (Roentgen, maybe)

Then we get Birthright/Firewall, a set of songs about reclaiming yourself from the depths of hell with just a liiiiiitle bit of help from your family.

(It's time to take ahold of what belongs to me/It's time to walk away with no apologies/Voices in the mirror start quietly/And now they're screaming back at me!)

(This force knows what you can do/And what you can make/With your tattered shell)

Here Comes the Reign technically starts during Birthright/Firewall, but doesn’t come into full effect until a month later, and then even fuller around five months after that. Meanwhile, we have The Day the Earth Collapsed, which is rather self-explanatory.

A few months later there is Darker Matter. The fic connected to this is real weird, but also real important. Suffice to say it’s gonna be confusing, and a universe doesn’t like the Paladins for a while.

And then we have Closure. Child From the Stars (Lost in the Dark) is actually the first of four fics inspired by Closure’s chorus. (I also drew a picture for each fic. They’re combined into my desktop background, and the first one is still my phone background and my pfp) “I am the child from the stars/That got lost in the dark/Between heaven and hell/I am forced to live on/I am the cause when you sin/I am the demon you skin/But there is no more tears to beautify/This is my last goodbye”

Closure is a rather sad song actually, but the way I’ve interpreted it ends on a bright spot of hope. The first related fic I’ve already posted/talked about, the second would be around the time of A Simple Plan. The third is somewhere in the gap between Belgrade and Birthright/Firewall. I’ve placed Closure at the approximate time of the fourth fic. I actually just moved it while writing this, because I realized this makes more sense after Darker Matter and with the Fall of [Redacted]. I’ve chosen to interpret the last line as finally deciding to stay instead of the (probably more likely given the rest of the album) darker interpretations.

After Closure is Ember, which is actually super connected to Darker Matter which is why I originally had them next to each other. The thing is, all three of these songs are connected to very specific events, the latter two of which are in direct response to the first even if there is a month or two between them. Ember is on the playlist for two reasons: the first is the line “dark matter falling from the sky” that basically required me to put it somewhere; the second is the fact that I keep mishearing the lyrics. “chthonic” is not “cuthonic” (which is not a word, but I interpreted as meaning Cthulu-like) and it’s “riches to embers” not “witches to embers.” Make of that what you will.

And finally, after almost seven Earth years, we get to The Reckoning/This is a Call/World on Fire/Louder Than Words. The Reckoning sort-of picks up where The Day the Earth Collapsed left off, spanning at least a year before going full force into the frantic five days of the other three songs.

(In blood and tears/A thousand times/We rise against/We'll always hold the line/Of reckoning)

(This is a call to action/This is a call to arms/All lives for one, together/There are no false alarms)

(World on fire with a smoking sun/Stops everything and everyone/Brace yourself for all will pay/Help is on the way)

(We have the force to fight/We have the blinding light/A war is more than heard/Coming in louder than words)

[sarahsilverdog-blog-blog]

One Problem at a Time Chapter 8

EVEN DRAGONS HAVE THEIR ENDING

Fairy tales are more than true,

Not because they tell us dragons exist,

But because they tell us dragons can be beaten.

~Neil Gaiman

It was dark when the plane landed on the abandoned highway, surrounded by velvety darkness and the empty desert. The hybrid repellant frequency was radiating around the plane, acting as protection from whatever monsters were lurking out there, but just in case it wasn't effective against dragons Abe, Mitch, Jamie and Clementine all waited in the vehicle bay, heavily armed and tense as the cargo door dropped. Mitch rubbed his clean shaven jaw, feeling almost a little naked without the scruffy, stubbly beard but every time he had seen himself in the mirror the reflection was Duncan and he was ready to rid himself of the last vestiges of Duncan-hood once and for all. He had even enlisted Clementine to do something approximating cutting his hair, though she had warned him beforehand that she was better with a wrench than a pair of scissors. Still, the result was passable and he started to feel a little less like Post-tank Mitch, and more like himself, a feeling bolstered when he found one of his old plaid shirts hanging in the back of Jamie's closet, and he grinned as he slid it on, Jamie's soft scent wafting up from it.

When he had joined them all in the bay, Abe saw him first and bellowed, "Well! Hello Mitch Morgan!" with a chuckle, Jamie glanced up from the weapon rack quizzically and her breath caught in her throat but she recovered quickly, looking him over and breaking into a brilliant smile before turning her attention back to the armory. With the press of a button the gun rack opened to reveal a deep, recessed shelf behind it she reached in and pulled out a long, wide case, and Mitch lunged forward to help her with it as she slid it out of the compartment.

He grunted as he caught the end of the case and helped her lower it to the ground. "Ugh, this is heavy. What is it, a case of bricks?" Jamie was busily unlatching the case and she swung it open in triumph, revealing a rocket launcher and a pair of wicked looking missiles. "A rocket launcher?" he asked incredulously, "Really?”

She shrugged, picking up the massive weapon with practiced ease. "You never know when you'll have to blow another plane out of the sky. Or a fire breathing dragon."

“I don't even want to know where you got that thing," he said as she swung it up to her shoulder, opening the sighting mechanism in one swift movement. "Or how you know how to handle it like that.”

Clem piped up, "Speaking of fire-breathing dragon, how long exactly would the plane hold up under an attack from one?"

That had been concerning Jamie too. "The carbon fiber is rated for high temperatures but only for short periods of time. I don't know how hot dragonfire is but I am going to assume that anything longer than three or four minutes will burn through the sheathing and to the actual skin of the plane, which would be very, very bad. Let's hope we don't have to worry about it.”

Now they waited in the open bay; the night air was cool and Jamie felt prickles on her arms, whether from the chill or fear she wasn't sure. A light flashed in the distance and everyone snapped to attention, watching the light as it bobbed closer; within a few seconds moving shadows were visible, though they stayed silent as they approached the plane. The shadows finally trotted onto the plane and Clem immediately pulled the lever to close the bay door, and as it clanged closed they all let out a collective breath and greeted each other enthusiastically. Abe hugged Dariela tight, then drew Jackson to him in a giant bear hug. Jackson thrust two vials at Mitch and panted, "They were refrigerated until we left the dam, about forty minutes ago. I couldn't risk trying to carry the cooler.”

Mitch patted him on the back, cutting him off, "No, this is great. I'm going to go get them in the lab right away.”

"Sorry l couldn't get the dragon or the snake, it was just too dangerous," Jackson apologized, unconsciously touching his injured wrist. "Those are rhino and goat.”

“These are great, two more pieces to the puzzle," Mitch replied, and he motioned at Jackson's injury. "Get Abe to check that wrist. Tomorrow we are going on a little hunting trip and we’re gonna need you in good working order.”

Jackson wasn't really surprised that the plan was in place to go after the dragon and the snake, but he asked, "Are you sure that's a good idea?”

Mitch shook his head. "No, but I'm sure l'm on the right track here, Jackson, know in my gut that these samples are the key to stopping Abigail, the hybrids, fixing everything. We need them and if we have to battle a dragon to get one, that's what we have to do.”

Jackson stared him steadily in the eye but he knew Mitch was right, fighting monsters was what they had been doing for twelve years and he wanted to stop his sister - the biggest monster of them all - more than anything in the world. Destroying what she probably considered a masterpiece of genetic manipulation would be satisfying, but he would never be happy until the hybrids were exterminated and she was behind bars- or dead. He nodded solemnly at Mitch and said, “We’ll do what we have to do.”

Mitch stayed in the lab while everyone else retired to the bar, but Jamie brought him a drink that he accepted gratefully, taking a long swallow before joining her at the computer where he had been working. "They're upstairs talking about the dragon,” Jamie picked up one of the vials of blood and turned it this way and that, studying it in the dim, metallic light of the lab. "Dariela said it was basically a flying razorback the size of an elephant that breathes a jet of fire a hundred feet long. So, you know, nothing we can’t handle," She smiled and gestured at his array of screens. "Find anything out?" she asked, and he hurriedly swallowed the last of drink before plunking the glass down on the desk and taking the vial from her, placing it back in its tray and taking her hand.

“Not yet, I am still processing the samples. I needed to chill them first to keep them stable before I actually started working, so I’ll be here a while." He glanced sideways at her and asked, "Wanna stay with me? Help save the world again?"

She kissed him, his lips bitter with the taste of the vodka, his arms warm around her, but she pulled away after a few seconds, slightly breathless and flushed. "Rain check. Gotta take care of a few things, but I'll be back to help you because that's me, Jamie Campbell, helper of saving stuff.” She motioned at the computers, “You get back to work, Doctor.”

He did just that, losing himself in the work, the answer to puzzle that would save them all. His brain was in science mode, and the next time he looked at the clock he realized she had been gone for two hours. He wondered vaguely where she was but he was too busy to wonder for long. The next time he looked up, Jamie had poked her head into the lab, and asked him, "Are you hungry?”

He was famished, suddenly, and he nodded, stripping off his gloves and washing his hands quickly before making his way into the kitchen, where Jamie had set out two bacon and cheese sandwiches and two glasses of chocolate milk. He gave her a lingering kiss of gratitude, then plopped down at the bar and dug into the food. Jamie picked at hers, mostly watching Mitch, and after a few seconds he stopped chewing and asked, "Why exactly, are you staring at me?”

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled at him. "I like you without the beard. You don't look so grumpy.”

He rolled his eyes slightly and teased, "Is that why you haven’t been able to keep your eyes of me all night? Don't think I didn’t notice.”

Her laugh was tinged with bitterness. "You got me. That's exactly why." Her eyes wouldn't meet his and she swallowed as she said softly, "It was a shock. It's was like I’d gone back ten years, and we were on a beach, making plans to go to Maine to get Clementine, to be a family," Her face softened at the memory, and the years fell away from her and suddenly he was with her there on the beach, making plans for a future they would never have and it dawned on him what his ten year absence had really cost her. Allison Shaw's voice echoed back to him through the years. I know you think she's special and you’re meant to be together, but as someone who knows you very well, you’re not. You’re going to destroy each other. And so they had. But Jamie had destroyed the old Mitch that Allison knew long before Shaw slithered her way back into his life; he had destroyed Jamie when the last tattered remnants of hope she'd managed to cobble together with him after New Brunswick had been snatched away so violently and abruptly that she'd been shattered, and only through vengeance and anger had Jamie pieced herself back together, leaving jagged and sharp edges to protect herself. For the first time he felt a twinge of pity for Logan, because he knew from experience how sharp those edges could be and how deeply she was willing to cut to suit her needs.

“We can start over," Mitch said, taking her face gently in his hands. "We can just pick up from the beach, pretend like the last ten years never happened." He squinted at her. "Might be a bit easier for me than for you."

"I'm sure it would." She shook her head. "But learned a long time ago that there is no going back, so this is where we move on.”

More words that echoed from the past, more visiting ghosts.

Can we do what people do sometimes and start over?

Sure, let's...move on.

His face fell, though he tried to hide it behind his glasses, and she put her hand on his arm. Sometimes she forgot that it hadn’t been ten years for him, so those words were still fresh in his mind. "Move on to the next step, together.”

***

Daylight found Mitch still working in the lab, though Jamie had eventually gone to bed since she knew from experience that, like her, Mitch was single-minded in his own way and once he had a problem in his teeth he was going to worry it to pieces. She stayed with him long enough to learn that the goat's blood and the rhino blood had the same molecular signature as the other samples, and they also had different anomalies. Mitch had worked the anomalous molecules into a figure but there were only four of them it wasn't anything but a bunch of angled lines. They needed more.

Once in her room she tried to relax but she couldn't, she had pushed him too fast and she knew it. But that was her, wasn't it? Relentless, obstinate Jamie- let her get something on her mind and there was no dislodging it until she was satisfied. It had been the night that they left the plane for the barrier and Abe collapsed from the deflated lung, Clementine thrust Sam into her arms while she grabbed a knitting needle from her bag to save Abe, and while everything else was going on Jamie looked down into that sweet little face and felt that little hand grip her finger, and it was like the rest of the world had ceased to exist until she looked up and Mitch's eyes met hers, and suddenly she wanted it, motherhood. With Mitch.

As the sun came up the crew gathered in the lab to discuss the next move and the plan was pretty simple, to fly over the dam and as soon as the dragon came into range, shoot with the sample collector and then turn on the repellant frequency and hope it didn't have time to fry anyone. It was a sketchy plan, the best they could come up with, but as soon as they told Jackson he shook his head. "That won't work," he said, "the thing is covered in spikes and scales, bullets just bounced right off of it. And the range of that crossbow is only what, a hundred feet at best? We’ll all be fried to a crisp before we get close enough. Bad plan. We have to think of something else.”

Jamie looked thoughtful, then asked Mitch. "Could we use a missile on it?"

"You really just want to blow something up. don’t you?" Mitch grinned at her over his glasses but shook his head. “I’m not sure there would be enough left of it to collect samples from, and what was left would probably be contaminated. So, no. Try again."

Jamie went to the armory and pulled out another case, opening it next to the launcher. Snug in the padded lining were three small missiles, roughly the size of beer bottles, and a fitting that Dariela picked up and inspected. "Nice, a rifled missile adapter." She picked up one of the missiles and looked it over. "And Demon fire missiles. Tipped with titanium drillbits, the rifling makes them spin at high speeds, basically creating a drill that carries the explosive deep inside whatever the target is before it explodes."

Jamie chimed in. "A small charge. The missile counts on being internalized before exploding, rather than a huge explosive charge. It would probably scramble the dragon's insides a bit but it won't blow it to pieces and that should leave some part of it uncontaminated, right?"

"Could be," Mitch picked one up and hefted it in his hands before looking around the group. "Anyone have a better idea?" They all looked around at each other but no one volunteered a solution.

Jamie spoke again. "We also need to be firing from a stationary place, not the plane." She pulled up some satellite pictures of the dam and the surrounding area. "See this bluff here? There's a straight line of sight to the dam from here. Set me down there with the missile launcher, and you guys bring the plane over as bait.”

Mitch shook his head vehemently. "NO. You are not going down there by yourself, I'm going with you. Jackson obviously knows how to work the plane, he can play captain.”

Dariela said, "I should go to. IF-" she emphasized, "anything should happen to Jamie I am the only one who knows how to use the rocket launcher.

Jamie, Mitch and Dariela perched on a high bluff, some distance from the dam itself, watching the plane as it flew overhead. They could see Jackson and Abe standing on the opened ramp at the rear as they passed. The dragon flew up from the foggy depths of the river and blew a jet of fire at the retreating plane, as it hovered just below the lip of the dam. Jamie pulled the trigger on the launcher, firing a missile that caught the dragon in its long sinuous neck. It screamed in pain and thrashed as the missile bored its way through the flesh and out the other side, drilling into the dam behind it with a horrendous screech, quivering for a scant second before it exploded through the concrete. "Oh, shit," Jamie breathed as the dam slowly, slowly, began to crack, water pouring out of the fissure, spilling concrete and debris down on to the dragon who was flying awkwardly as blood streamed from the open hole in its scaly neck. It screamed again and tried to haltingly fly away from the dam but suddenly the levee split wide, the entirety of the reservoir pouring over the crumbling lip of the ruined dam, the giant water snake slithered out, landing on the back of the dragon and instantly wrapping itself around the flying beast and they both plummeted downward, two behemoths locked in tooth and claw battle.

Everyone stared open-mouthed as the two hybrids, carried on a wave of water as the dam finally completely broke, washed downstream, writhing and screeching amongst the debris and boulders from the shattered dam.

[drink-n-watch]

Castling is a special type of chess move. When castling, you simultaneously move your king and one of your rooks. The king moves two squares towards a rook, and that rook moves to the square on the other side of the king.

Have you guys been looking forward to our next Promised Neverland discussion? I know I have. Talking things over with Crow is always really fun and interesting. On top of that, this series is certainly generous with the potential material. I feel like we go through almost an entire series’ worth of topics with each episode. For once, that’s not a bad thing.

this was quite the episode!

If you remember, ad I’m sure you do, last episode ended on an epic cliffhanger with Norman pointing to Ray as the “traitor”. An of course, Norma’s always right. I feel like my brain still refused to accept it for a good minute. It’s like the show has already conditioned me to refuse the simplest explanation even if in retrospect the narrative hasn’t exactly done twists so much as simply shocks. Situations are often unexpected but not because we were lead to believe something else, simply because this particular fictional universe is very high drama.

That distinction — shocks versus twists — might be this show’s distinguishing characteristic! Well, that and dynamic and flawed protagonists as well as dangerously intelligent and dangerously unpredictable villains! Oh, this is Crow — I’m in bold this week.

That opening scene with the clock ticking and rapid succession jumps between the two characters was a fun, tension adding, directorial trick. Cheap but effective. In general, I feel the direction took a lot more risks this episode and I liked it. Did you?

Evaluating direction isn’t my strength, but to the extent I understand it, I think you’re right. It’s like the show’s gaining confidence in its voice. There were some relatively straight forward shots, like closeups of Norman and Ray as they realized something (I’m still not sure exactly what!). There was a shot of Ray, leaving the room after the first scene, framed by the doorway at the top of the stairs, as if the camera were on a landing between the first and second floors. It was simple, elegant, and it capture his loneliness that Emma was able to articulate later on.

it was a very deliberately paced and framed episode

The first half of the episode was basically one long expo dump with Norman and Ray having this almost quippy, slightly antagonistic chat in the room. I see your Buffy parallels here. Although the conversation was much more stern in tone, there was something in the quickfire delivery and unspoken implications that was very reminiscent of Buffy dialogue.

Now, if we can just get Anya to sing her song about bunnies being the villains… I think Gilda could pull it off! But now I’m sad thinking about Conny’s bunny, which makes me remember Conny…

Also, I was on the edge of my seat. I was watching two (only two) familiar characters talk to each other in a closed bedroom with nothing else at all going on, and I was on the edge of my seat. This is when you know you got your exposition right!

I think this proves your point about direction. I felt breathless during this scene, too, as if either Ray or Norman might do anything — explode into violence, transfer into an alien — anything! Good dialogue, well delivered, with effective pacing. That’s a heavy load for exposition to carry!

tell me more! 

I have to say, Ray may be an informant, but can we really call him a traitor when he’s been doing this for 6 years? He’s gathering intel as best he can to formulate an escape plan. The boy’s no hero, but he’s merely trying to survive.

Also, if I remember correctly, they’re all 11. Which would mean that Ray found out the truth (that they were all destined to be butchered) and was trying to navigate this dangerous world all alone since he was 5 years old. Somehow, it’s difficult for me to blame a five year old in this situation.

I might have to quibble with “the boy’s no hero.” Fighting alone, well behind enemy lines, without a break, without assistance, from the time he was five? That’s why I adored Emma’s reaction…

The conversation leaves with vague results. Ray is still adamant about not destroying their chances by trying to do too much. Norman agrees in principle but is morally and mostly emotionally torn at the idea of going against Emma’s wishes. And an unsteady truce is formed.

What did you think of Ray’s grudging disgusted look and Norman’s attempt to hold back laughter? I didn’t know what to make of that…

it fascinated me

You know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If anything, this turn of events makes me more likely to trust Ray than before. Of course I have this super weird hang up about not trusting Norman. It may be the white hair.

Right at the end of this extended opening arc, it seems that both Norman and Ray realized something pretty big. It sort of bugs me that these little kids are so much smarter than I am but I’ve learned to accept it. I really wish they would have told us what Norman figured out though. It seemed big!

I’m listening to Neil Gaiman narrate The Ocean at the End of the Pond. (great book) I’ve come to accept that when it comes to a lot of topics, kids are smarter than me! Yeah, Norman’s laugh put me on edge, too. I’m beginning to suspect that we’re only watching the outer edge of the crazy — or maybe a meta representation of it…

Ray’s interaction with Mom was one of the best scenes so far. Mom is a formidable foe but because of the construct of the story and the necessity to keep up the pretense of unity, we have not seen her actually clash with anyone except Krone and let’s face it, at the time Krone was hardly even worthy of the title of opponent. Mom and a forcibly relaxed Ray made for a much more interesting back and forth. I look forward to seeing more mind games.

Watching that scene, I had to wonder: which one of them really has the upper hand? Ray mentioned that Mom only gave him older models of things. What if they weren’t representative at all? The show has me so paranoid that I wonder if Mom’s put the pieces in place so their escape attempt is actually part of their shipment protocol! Kinda like a Hunger Games sorta thing…

it makes me captivated!

We finally got to see that Norman is in fact human and that the situation is getting to him. That nightmare was just great. It was also a nice, visually interesting sequence that put the stakes into perspective for the audience. It was a bit on the nose (a lot of the directing is unsubtle in the series), but I don’t mind that too much when the storyline has a lot going on.

I just needed to throw in a pic

The episode then cleaned up the intel by bringing Emma into the loop. I’ve said this before but Emma is not exactly as straightforward as she plays it. Of course she immediately forgives Ray, of course she gives this compelling and heartstring tugging speech about him no longer being alone. But she let her mask slip for a split second there and we saw it.

She might be the most intelligent one there.

You saw it too, right Crow? That moment when Emma realized that Ray had probably at some point sacrificed members of her precious family, and willfully decided to brush the realization aside and ignore everything it implied. The second when her mind was telling her that if he’s capable of throwing the kids to the wolves once, he could do it again, and she chose to take the risk but pretended not to understand it.

I know you loved the scene between Ray and Mom, but this was my favorite scene in the episode. You could just see her mind connect the dots — and I think she connected more than she spoke of. She has this gestalt perspective that lets her assemble the big picture with only tiny disjointed parts.

I think you hit the nail on the head — she knows who Ray is. She knows how he thinks. She’ll go along for now, but she’s on guard. What more? She’s confident she can make it work.

what’s with that face?

Finally we looped Don and Gilda back into the action. As the other two oldest kids in the place, they have the greatest odds of survival, but I’m not so sure the have the nerves required. This might be where Norman’s (somewhat kind) lie may really cost them dearly.

By not telling Don and Gilda that Conny is already dead but still conveying the great danger everyone is in, they have effectively put a ticking clock on everything and are encouraging Don and Gilda into action.

Talk about being damned if you do and damned if you don’t…

I’ve heard some fas say this exact ting (not many though)

Basically, Gilda and Emma have been observing Mom (enemy recon) and have realized that she disappears somewhere at the same time every evening. Ray comes to the natural assumption that she must be checking in with however she reports to.

Moreover, a discrepancy in the dimensions of the rooms and hallway has lead Emma to conclude the whereabouts of a secret room next to Mom’s bedroom. Naturally, this seems like a place that should be investigated but the kids want to play it slow. Not take any more unnecessary risks at this time.

Not all the kids that is. Determined to save Conny, Don storms off to immediately find this secret room while Mom is away. After some prodding, he and Gilda do manage to discover a decoy bookcase with a locked door behind it.

Their hearts were in the right place. Their minds, though? Let’s just say as bright as both of them are, they don’t hold a candle to Emma, Norman, or Ray. I just hope they don’t have to pay the ultimate price for their mistake!

this isn’t ominous at all…

As usual with this series, I had not realized that this was the end of the episode. Well not this of course. Before that someone had to be slowly opening the door to Mom’s room in time to catch them both red handed and potentially doomed. And you thought last week (or every single week so far) was a cliffhanger!

That’s how I guessed it was over despite it seeming like 10 minutes. I was like, “Dang, that’d make a good cliffhanger… d’oh!”

Also, no Krone at all this week?

She’s still sulking, and it takes time to stitch her doll back together! Interesting point, too, how Ray says mom brought Krone in to watch over him for failing to keep Emma and Norman away from the gate…

So this is it for this week. I’m sure I’m not the only one who can’t wait for next week. Please feel free to catch up on our past episode reviews in the meantime:

The Promised Neverland Episode 1 – 45,000,000$

The Promised Neverland Episode 2: 121045

The Promised Neverland Episode 3: 181045

The Promised Neverland Episode 4: 291045

and of course – I got a few more caps for you guys!

The Promised Neverland Episode 5 –Castling Castling is a special type of chess move. When castling, you simultaneously move your king and one of your rooks.

[wingedwalls]

Book Questionnaire

I’ve been thinking about books, reading and storytelling a lot lately, so I’m mostly doing this to try and get some of my ideas straight.

1. Favourite childhood book? Peter Pan, Harry Potter and Les Contes de La Rue Mouffetard by Pierre Gripari.

2. What are you reading right now? Neil Gaiman’s ‘A View from the Cheap Seats’, a collection of essays, speeches and short non-fiction pieces on the theme of, essentially, stories.

3. What books do you have on request at the library? I don’t, I’m not signed up to any library at the moment.

4. Bad book habit? Starting a million books at the same time, and/or getting distracted mid-book by another book or five.

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? Again, see above.

6. Do you have an e-reader? I have the Kindle app on my phone and iPad.

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? I mean, what I prefer? To read one book at a time. What I invariably do? Read a gazillion at once, until one book or story hits me as particularly immediate and I devour the whole thing before returning to the others.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? Not really. I guess I now have an outlet for any book theories or reflections I have; I wish I could say I allow myself more reflection time as a result but I’m not sure that’s true.

9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) Animal Crackers by Hannah Tinti, a chilling collection of vaguely animal-themed short stories. They’re undoubtedly well-written and accomplish what they set out to do, but that’s precisely the problem: it’s a bloody disturbing read that makes me shudder in a way I don’t particularly like. I do actually recommend it, I just don’t particularly like it.

10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? That’s tough - I’ve read a lot of excellent books. If I limit this to books I’ve *completed* so far this year, it’s probably The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch.

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? I’ve been making a conscious effort to read out of my comfort zone this year, and so far it’s been a success - about half my reads of the year so far have fell into categories I don’t normally touch: short stories, non-genre fiction, non-fiction, plays and classics.

12. What is your reading comfort zone? Fantasy, classic crime, travel and so-called ‘children’s books’

13. Can you read on the bus? It’s one of my favourite places to read!

14. Favorite place to read? Outdoors, lying on a patch of grass.

15. What is your policy on book lending? I almost always lend out my favourite books, I almost never get them back. What can I say, I don’t learn from my mistakes.

16. Do you ever dog-ear books? Totally. A good book is a worn-out book.

17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? Sometimes? It depends on the book. I mostly do it with academic books and honestly can’t bring myself to apologise - I love reading other people’s margin notes.

18. Not even with text books? ^ I came clean already.

19. What is your favourite language to read in? Probably English, but I’ve been rediscovering the joys of reading in French (my native language) recently.

20. What makes you love a book? When it speaks to me and I can connect to it. This can be in terms of characters, world-building, plot, the tone of the narrator’s voice, anything - I really don’t care, but it has to speak to me on a personal, instinctive, primal level. 

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? I can only really bring myself to recommend books that spoke to me, but even them I’m very selective, and usually try to carefully tailor recommendations to specific individuals.

22. Favourite genre? I don’t think I have one. Neil Gaiman once pointed out that someone else once pointed out that genres tell you which aisles not to bother going down in bookshops, and I think that’s true. I can’t list genres I like, only those I have no interest in.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) Possibly historical fiction? I’ve always been a bit wary of it, but am curious to try it. It’s just hard to know where to start.

24. Favorite biography? Biography? This may be a little bizarre, but: the introductory chapter to the Peter Owens edition of The Oblivion Seekers, which recounts the short and spectacular life of its author Isabelle Eberhardt. Autobiography? My First Hundred Years, by Margaret Murray, published in her 99th year. She laments in the introduction that she’s never had any adventures, and then proceeds to recount 100 years of working as a nurse in India and an archaeologist in the Middle East. Pretty epic.

25. Have you ever read a self-help book? A couple. People seem intent on gifting them to me, though I rarely make it through the whole thing. One exception: Marie Kondo’s Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which I’ve devoured multiple times and is now my personal bible.

26. Favorite cookbook? Fannie Merritt Farmer’s Boston Cooking School Cookbook, 1969 illustrated edition. I’m very selective about cookbooks and this is my absolute favourite - it has EVERYTHING. And diagrams.

27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? ‘Inspirational’ is a really confusing word to me. Probably A Conjuring of Light by VE Schwab - something about the character of Lila Bard keeps nagging at me from a back corner of my brain and probably affects my decision-making process more than I care to admit.

28. Favourite reading snack? It totally depends on the book! Something related in some way or other; I always feel like books have flavour profiles. And associated sounds.

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. I don’t listen to the hype when it comes to books, because 1) I often feel like I read a different book from everyone else, even if the cover says the same thing, and 2) I have no patience for books I don’t like and no qualms about giving up. So, I can’t say it’s ever happened to me. 

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book? Again, I can’t claim to know what the critics are saying about any given book.

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? Quite comfortable, unless I personally know the writer. 

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? Russian, probably.

33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? Hunters in the Snow, by D.M. Thomas. The narrator is a young Adolf Hitler.

34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? The Lord of the Rings - I simply haven’t read it and probably never will.

35. Favorite poet? Rimbaud! 

36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time? As many as I can - my card is always maxed out!

37. How often have you returned book to the library unread? I... don’t think I ever have? Unfinished, certainly, but I always browse through at the very least.

38. Favorite fictional character? Ever? What kind of question IS this?!

39. Favorite fictional villain? The best villains aren’t really villains. [Yes, this is a cheap cop-out.]

40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? Cheap YA Fantasy and travelogues related to my destination.

41. The longest I’ve gone without reading. Er... a couple of weeks?

42. Name a book that you could/would not finish. Fifty Shades of Grey. I bought it to see what all the fuss was about, got bored two chapters in, skipped to the sex scenes, found them so thrilling I fell asleep, and sold it off on ebay for 50p.

43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? Music in a different language.

44. Favourite film adaptation of a novel? Hmmm I’m only ever critical of film adaptations if I’ve read the book first. Probably Tom Hooper’s Les Miserables, which is an entity in its own right.

45. Most disappointing film adaptation? Is there any doubt? The Golden Compass, which I was dragged to watch kicking and screaming and had me actually shouting at the screen in frustration. 

46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? £70, I think.

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? I used to do this as a kid! I would skip to the last page and read the very last sentence or word, for a little thrill. I don’t do it at all anymore.

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? Absolute boredom (On l’Appelait Tempete by Colin Thiele comes to mind) or irreconcilable anger at the message behind the piece. This rarely happens though.

49. Do you like to keep your books organized? More than organising them, I love to catalogue them, and have multiple catalogues on multiple apps and programmes. 

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? If I liked them, I almost always keep them - or lend them out and never see them again. 

51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? I don’t think I could ever read Z for Zachariah, by Robert O’Brien, again. It traumatised me as a kid and I’m uncomfortable just thinking about it. I don’t think I’ve ever truly avoided anything I haven’t read already.

52. Name a book that made you angry. Jared Diamond’s Guns, Germs and Steel - a very well-written book that markets the absolute bollocks notion that civilisations can ‘collapse’.

53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? Les Liaisons Dangereuses - Choderlos de Laclos. One of the books that surprised me the most.

54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I suppose I didn’t completely dislike it - I can think of two sentences I really liked in it.

55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? Howl’s Moving Castle by Dianna Wynne Jones, and City of Bones by Cassandra Clare.

(Source: sarahthinksso.blogspot.com)

[graveyardclaws]

multiplies of 3 for that ask meme?

thank you!!!!!i suck at math so i might do this wrong

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?usually a receipt or random index card i find on the floor

6: do you keep plants?just one. two actually, but they share a pot. they’re both aloe. i’ve had them for almost two years, when we planted them in the pagan club i go to

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?kind of but i’m really self-conscious about it

12: what’s your favorite planet?i know this probably means real planet but all i can think of is coruscant from star wars. if it has to be real i guess i’d pick neptune.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!If two pieces of the same type of metal touch in space, they will bond and be stuck together permanently.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.i don’t have friends tbh but i can tell you about one with my family? we were playing apples to apples (basically a family friends version of cards against humanity) and there was one card with the word “hippopotamus”. i was like ten and while i totally knew what a hippopotamus was i had never seen it written down so i horribly mispronounced it. they bring it up Every Time. the same thing happened a few years ago when we were playing this american history trivia game and i mispronounced monticello. also with one of my friends in high school (hi gabby) we were hiding in the stairwell during lunch because we didn’t want to go to the cafeteria and she picked up the lid of my water bottle and pretended to ring it like a bell and made this ridiculous noise and i laughed so hard i had to go back downstairs to the water fountain so i wouldn’t literally choke and die.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.my favorite bag? idk. i used to carry this purse that had a blackbird embroidered on it. it was grey and had a really cool design. i’d pinned a lot of stuff to it like a rainbow ribbon (for gay pride and all) and a few band pins and others from hot topic. the bag started getting really worn out and i decided not to replace it because i feel like carrying a purse really feminizes me. other than that i guess it’s just my backpack. i mostly use it for school but it’s also really great for carrying stuff when i’m going into the city or headed up to boston to stay with my sister. the trials of not having any one specific home…

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?hell no i have so many horrifying secrets even i would run screaming if i hadn’t lived through it

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?i did not know bubblegum came in different flavors. i thought bubblegum was its own flavor. i’m so uncultured

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?yes

33: what’s your fave pastry?probably cinnamon rolls? i don’t know that many different pastries

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?fall out boy. specifically folie a deux

39: what color do you wear the most?black

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!it’s this new place you might’ve heard of it. starbucks?

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?i try to but idk if i have that much opportunity

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?when i was a kid it was ghosts/monsters. also being abandoned by people but i didn’t really put it into words at the time. and it kind of is still the same? i hate being alone in the dark because the monsters could get me and also i feel abandoned

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?idk what person to pick… sick little games by all time low makes me think of stuff my cousin and i talk about a lot

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?does myself in the mirror count?

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?it reminds me of sitting in the car with my sister driving when i was like fourteen. also my dad relentlessly mocking us for literally everything we’ve ever done. overall i like the song, but it has Memories

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?yes i love poetry!! my favorite poems are the fairy reel by neil gaiman, alone by edgar allan poe, do not go gentle into that good night by dylan thomas, and everything ever written by either emily dickinson or sylvia plath

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?i try to keep anything from getting damaged but other than that i’m only fussy about collector’s items, irreplaceable stuff and vinyls

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?white roses are my favorite flowers but i feel like i’d need something in black. with vines or something badass.

69: what are your favorite board games?it isn’t a board game but i just found this cool card game called timeline. there’s a deck of cards with historical events on them and you have to put them in order of when they happened (dates are on the back). they have different themed packs and you can combine them it’s really cool

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?i should but i don’t. i sometimes make lists or schedules of what i’m going to do but i always end up ignoring it.

75: tell us about your pets!i only have one dog. her name is Chloe Belle we got her when i was eight. my entire family picked the name Chloe but the name Belle was my suggestion. she’s a yellow lab. we also used to have cats (Rainbow and Sunshine) but they died a few years ago. we had them since i was two. before we had Chloe we had another dog named Chelsea but she died. we also used to have my sister’s rabbit named Honey, my hamster named Acorn, and our three hermit crabs (Hermie, Hermietta, and Hermione, yes we were in fact that stupid)

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?they annoy me but i guess they’re not that bad

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.i suck at writing but i’ll tryI’ve only been to the ocean a few times in my life but I’m ok with that. The depth and complexity of the sea is no comparison to whatever is raging inside this girl, and you don’t need to be in love with her to see it. I still can’t decide if her eyes were blue or green but I can promise you they were the exact color of the water that morning at Thunder Rock when we said goodbye. When she smiles at you somehow her eyes get wider and you feel like she’s pulling you into her soul. She really is, but it’s still a trap. You’ll never be able to stand by the shore again without remembering her every word and the way she grabbed your hand and how the particles of sunlight reflected equally of the water and through her eyes. She was a source of light herself and when she finally noticed she left to irradiate the life of someone who deserves it, taking that intensity with her.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?hells yeah i want so many tattoos. the first one i’m going to get is the thing frank drew for me at the show last week. i’m doing that one really soon because i’d like to be able to show him when i see him in april. i also want to get a constellation on my left wrist, i’m thinking the pleiades. i have a vague design for an mcr tattoo in progress, involving a compass and the lyrics “nothing you can say can stop me going home”. i also kinda want to get fall out boy lyrics “mummified my teenage dreams no it’s nothing wrong with me the kids are all wrong the story’s all of heavy metal broke my heart” tattooed on the back of my left shoulder. also idk how safe it is but i kinda want a metallic gold bird wing tattooed on my entire right side but i’ve hear metallic tattooes are dangerous. when i get top surgery i’m going to design something to cover the scars. also i want a spiderweb on the right side of my neck (not sure if i want a spider in it or not) and on my right hand and forearm (just the back) i want the human skeletal system as it actually appears in my body, in greyscale. the last two i’m not getting unless the musician career works out because i need to be able to get a real job. also if i ever end up getting married i want the date of my wedding tattooed on the inside of my right wrist in roman numerals. i will probably add many more but that’s all i’ve thought out so far

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Pan’s Labyrinth, Mad Max: Fury Road, Gone Girl

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.NYC is anyone at all surprised? sadly i have never lived there but it has always felt like home even since i was too young to have any concept of that. especially at night in the snow. walking through central park on a winter evening is a profound experience. also there’s just so much there!! so much culture and so many people something is always happening. i know beyond any doubt that that’s where i belong

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?since i got my hair cut short i can’t really do different styles. right now it’s buzzed on one side and a few inches long (but uneven) on the other. it just sits like that. i want to grow out the long side so that it’s chin length and leave the short side buzzed but i don’t think i have the patience.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?hardcore procrastinate

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.twin skeletons, you’re crashing but you’re no wave and headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet by fall out boy. ghost of you, the world is ugly, the light behind your eyes, the only hope for me is you, mama and all of i brought you my bullets you brought me your love by mcr. holy, eyelids, and fire by pvris. the wasp, dead as fuck, abigail, eternally yours and immaculate misconception by motionless in white. paralytic states and dead rats by against me! therapy, a love like war, satellites, cinderblock garden and painting flowers by all time low. wrecking ball and little pistol by mother mother. oceans, world destroyer, all i want is nothing, and where do we belong? anywhere but here by frank iero and the whatever the fuck he’s calling it now.

also my apologies for going into way too much detail about most of this i know no one cares but i had nothing else to doand thank you so much for asking!!!!!!