#making media queer on the bog

[frogyourbog]

okay here is my (tentative) list of non-mainstream queer media if you want to watch more queer things:

(these are going to be tv shows & movies, books and musicals are a whole other thing)

netflix:

fear street part 1: 1994 (movie)

fear street part 2: 1974 (movie)

fear street part 3: 1666 (movie)

the half of it (movie)

everything sucks! (tv)

one day at a time (tv)

youtube:

the outcoming (short film)

thanks to her (short film)

starburst (short film)

carmilla (tv)

but i’m a cheerleader (movie)

this is just where i watched these things (in the us) no idea if they’re still there sorry

there is so much more that belongs on this list that i will add as i think of them, add your favorites i will try and keep things updated

live laugh love indie queer media thank you for your time

[bengiyo]

An Apology to The Miracle of Teddy Bear

I finally caught up with a show that was inaccessible for a long time, and also bogged down in bad-faith fan reporting, at the insistence of @lurkingshan, @twig-tea, and later @wen-kexing-apologist. A few months ago, Shan and Twig wrote about how The Miracle of Teddy Bear Saved the Gays to push back on the false narrative that the show buried the gays and forced the lead to marry a woman, and also about how it contains incisive social commentary about a Thai gay man. I won't reiterate what they said in their excellent essay, but I do want to pick up from my Apology to Ossan's Love and The Novelist to talk about going back for shows you missed.

When this show first began airing in the spring of 2022, it was completely inaccessible in the West. I remember seeing rumors at the time that the show was withheld from international distribution due to its critical themes about Thai society, and I was curious about how a show about how a guy falls in love with his teddy bear that comes to life could be causing such consternation. After the show ended, I also remember seeing discontented commentary about the end of the show's ending that turned out to be patently false.

Now that I've actually seen the show, I want to briefly gush about the things I loved in this show.

Job Thuchapon Imbues Nut With A Complex Humanity Rarely Afforded Gay Characters in the BL Sphere

As I was finishing the show last night, I commented to my friends that Job might be one of the most beautiful people I've encountered in Thai queer media, and I think it's because his performance as Nut feels recognizably human. I'm convinced it's because this was a drama with humanist goals that was able to avoid prioritizing romance as its key outcome. As such, Nut becomes one of the best expressions of the traumatized artist trying to do something with his pain in his art that I've ever been blessed to see.

Nut is dealing with intense family trauma from his father's homophobia, his mother's silence and impotence on the matter, and the social circumstances around his life. He's a man with deep anger at his mom and father, who is also tasked with being the breadwinner for his household because his mom is mentally ill. Moreover, his hateful aunt lives next door to only make their lives worse. Nut is an extremely lonely but talented writer who wants to make something more than a standard BL prioritizing romance, cuteness, and product placement.

Most importantly for me, Nut is so unabashedly gay in a way that I also found extremely believable. He's the kind of gay that's not exactly hiding who he is, but isn't going to go out of his way to blast it to everyone. He's not afraid to hold a man's hand in public, but he's also just going to ignore the female coworker who can't take a hint. On top of that, the gays have sex in this show! The show uses so many useful tools to show us that Nut and Tofu have sex without needing to do a lot of bed scenes. I deeply appreciated this.

Inn Sarin Makes The Teddy Bear Role Into a Meaningful Exploration of the Nature of Humanity and Kindness

I originally worried that Inn was here just to be beautiful (he is), and that his character would just be a joke (it most certainly wasn't). Instead, what I got was a character whose innocence allowed us as viewers to explore some heavy moral dilemmas that a simple view of human nature could not accommodate. By the end of the show I was screaming into the chat that "He's only a bear!" because none of the problems he faced were simple.

Tofu, through his interactions with the other inanimate objects in the house experiences incredibly growth over the show, and learns that loving a human as a human is far more complicated than loving them as a teddy bear. He's faced with difficult challenges around Nut's mom's health issues, Nut's family troubles, and even his own jealousy of Nut's childhood love. Inn's affect as Tofu matures as Tofu becomes more familiar with human nuance, which is contrasted so well by the flashbacks with his dead human doppelganger.

This Show Completed Every Thread it Established

This may not seem like an important thing to highlight, but it's so rare for shows to actually do this, especially when they're this complex. I have massive respect for screenwriter Prapt and the team around him, because it's so rare that I enjoy a final episode of a Thai drama. I was openly weeping at the resolution of a thread I thought was forgotten in the finale.

This show had much to say about speaking truth to power, and how the powerful wield death as a weapon. It had much to say about how internalized homophobia expresses in gay men in different ways. It took its mental health themes seriously. It also humanized its villains in a way that makes them some of cruelest I've seen on screen in a long time. It also shows how important community support systems are, especially the role elder gays play in your life. Most importantly, I loved that this show didn't insist that everyone has to hang out and be friendly with everyone who ever hurt them, even if it values getting closure from much-needed apologies.

Conclusion: This Show Has Everything

This show really is something special, and I recommend going on YouTube and watching it. It's a long watch, but it's one of the most rewarding viewing experiences I've had from Thailand in the last decade. I'm also convinced that I have to take learning Thai more seriously, because if Prapt's writing is this tight, I have serious doubts about what we got from The Eclipse. Any Thai people following me, please let me know if you get around to reading the book The Eclipse is based on so you can talk to me about what you experienced from Prapt's pen directly.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

A while ago, you wrote that you were planning on writing an essay about the "subtextual queer-coding" of Louis's character... I want it bad, CJ.

I've said that a few times now; to quote myself from my Javier's bisexuality essay, "-one day I'll crawl out of my bog to write my analysis on the queer-coding/subtext of Louis' character because if I read "lmao Louis is such a Straight" one more time, I'm going to let the gators take a bite out of me just so that I can feel something other than irritation for once."

Dramatic, but that's how I felt in the moment of writing that essay.

I have two twdg essays I'm working on with other ideas on the backburners, not to mention essays and other projects for other fandoms on my side blogs, among more personal works... so y'know what, anon? For you, I'll do a impromptu mini-essay right now since I don't know when or if I'll ever have time to dedicate a full-length deep-dive essay to the topic.

Also, big thank you to @pi-creates for once again providing me with screenshots!

Louis is bisexual-coded and CJ's gonna prove it [probably]

First thing's first: queer-coding, what is it?

Just so that we're all on the same page, here's the basic idea: implications that a character is queer through intentional [but not always] subtext, and/or the use of stereotypes to indicate a character's queerness without outright stating it. It's been around forever; look up the history of The Hays Code to learn more, but essentially the film industry was like, "That's it! no swearing! no more blasphemy! no drugs or alcohol! and definitely no homosexuality! good, clean, god-loving movies only!"

So, what were writers and film makers to do? Why, they code their characters, of course.

There's a lot to learn about the history of queer coding, the good, the bad, the in-between--but I'm not here to give you that lecture. I'm here to talk about Louis.

Ah, Louis. My favorite TWDG character. Love him. Adore him. Written countless thought pieces on him. Definitely bisexual.

Well, to me he is, anyway.

It's like a spidey-sense in the back of my head, I look at Louis and I go, "I know what you are."

When it comes to interpreting media, my stance is that while authorial intent is important, it doesn't dictate my interpretation.

I lean more into "Death of the Author" in all the media I consume, whether that be books, movies, TV, video games, etc... unless there's a circumstance where I feel learning more about the author would benefit my reading of their material... hence why I care little for what the writers/devs of TFS say about the story/characters as I don't want their influence, yet I'm reading all of Tillie Walden's books in order to better understand the Clementine books for my analysis.

As a bisexual myself, it's true that I may just be projecting onto my favorite character due to my desire to see a bi4bi couple in one of my favorite video games. That's how most headcanons come to be, no? We wish to see ourselves represented in characters we love, especially when we feel mis/underrepresented in media.

I believe Louis has some queer coding going on. I don't believe it's intentional, but it doesn't need to be in order to exist. It's there, I feel it when I play the game, no one gets to tell me otherwise.

First let's tackle the idea of, "how can Louis be bi if he's never seen flirting with any guys?" ...because I have a feeling that might come from the same people who say "he's such a Straight," y'know?

We know for sure that Louis likes girls--he has a crush on Clementine no matter what, and he makes a point of saying he's never had a girlfriend before... so if he's bi, why doesn't he also point out that he's never had a boyfriend before?

Because Clementine's not a boy.

No, really, it's that simple. Clementine is his only love interest in TFS, and having him bounce around flirting with everyone wouldn't be in character for him. He's friendly, sure, but friendliness and being flirtatious aren't the same thing.

But if he's bi, why wouldn't he flirt with his best friend, Marlon, or with Aasim? Mitch? What about the great chef god Omar?

I don't know--why doesn't he flirt with Brody? Or Ruby?

Again, I must point you to my essay on Javier and how much I disapprove of this notion that all bisexual characters have to "prove" they're bi by flirting with all genders--if they aren't running around DTF with everyone, then are they really bisexual???

First of all, stop that. A lot of people, usually straight, are under the impression that bisexuality is about who and how many people you're dating/sleeping with when no, that's not it.

Second, why would he flirt with them? He's not that type of character, and none of them are his love interest. His love interest is Clementine.

In ep1, during the card game, Louis asks Clementine if she's ever had a boyfriend [he wants to gauge her interest in boys since he's a boy], and he says she can ask him if he's ever had a girlfriend before [letting her know he likes girls] and that he hasn't, by the way. Hint hint.

Louis has no reason to add that he's never had a boyfriend, either. The game's making its intent clear with this: Louis is a potential love interest for Clementine.

It does this with Violet, too. It's just different. Violet doesn't need to explicitly state that she's only into girls, the game goes to great lengths to show us this through the writing. C'mon, we all know what "Minnie and I... we were close," really means. Your spidey-senses were tingling, especially if you're queer, too.

If you go fishing with Violet and Brody, you've told the game you're more interested in Violet than Louis at this point, so you find the heart with her and Minerva's initials carved in it. That's the game making another thing clear: Violet likes girls, she's the other potential love interest for Clementine.

Y'know, in case all the "Louis or Violet" choices weren't enough of an indication.

The first card game is usually what I see pointed at when someone goes, "lmao Louis is such a Straight" for asking Clementine that, and I'm like... this? Are you sure?

Honestly, my theory is people really want Louis and Violet to fit into the straight himbo/lesbian friendship dynamic, which like... you can still do that if he's not straight. I'm just sayin'.

"But CJ, how else would we know he's not straight if he doesn't show attraction to boys?"

By looking at literally everything else about him. He doesn't need to openly flirt with other boys to be bi. Bisexuality is more than that, it's a personal queer experience. There are things in the subtext of his character, and TFS in general, that lead me to believe he is.

Heteronormative thinking could be playing a part: "cis/straight's the default until proven otherwise." Hence why some need more "proof" of him expressing interest in people who aren't female...tbh I think some people are just dumb and miss the point of headcanon in fandom culture. It's not about what's objectively true with heaps of evidence, it's about looking at canon and interpreting it through our personal lens... but whatever it's fine, ignore me, I'll just continue on then-

I believe the Ericson crew don't operate under that line of thinking.

I touched on this a little before, but TFS's narrative is steeped in queer themes; an oppressive older generation who uses force to try to shape the Ericson crew to be like them, and if they fight back, they're punished; found family and acceptance, love in a world that doesn't want you; the troubled youth of Ericson being abandoned because parents didn't want to deal with them, sending them away to be "fixed." There's no getting away from it.

I think Louis puts it best when you appeal to him in ep1: "This is how adults do things, not us."

They're a generation who only had each other, abandoned by the adults who were supposed to love them, supposed to make them better. They're a generation of genuine acceptance when it comes to each other. Clementine and AJ are able to integrate with them because they're the same way. When AJ sees the heart with Violet and Minerva's initials in it, he doesn't question how two girls could be together, he just says, "Oh. Love." and then he moves on. He grew up differently than you and I, they all did.

We also need to consider where Louis came from before Ericson.

Louis has an artistic hobby in music, something we haven't seen before in TFS as we're often too busy trying not to die to explore hobbies. The most we see of something similar is when Mariana listens to music on a cassette player.

TFS introduced characters who have interests they pursue outside of survival, and they're more artistic things. Louis plays piano and writes music. Tenn's an artist who reintroduces AJ to drawing. Aasim writes and openly journals about the days as a record. Omar takes great pride in his cooking, which is an art in of itself. Violet mentions not being into arts and crafts, but she still makes Clementine a pin when you take her route, and she wants to dance with Clementine if they're romantically involved. Minerva had a talent for music, and Sophie for art when they were there, too.

I don't think I need to tell you that many look down on the arts--I think we're well aware. We're also aware of the stereotypes of men in the arts, no? "A boy who likes art?? Son, why can't you be normal and like sports!?" That nonsense.

Louis grew up wealthy with parents who gave him everything he ever wanted, except for one thing. As he tells it, he wanted singing lessons so he could be a real musician, but his father denied him; "You get to be happy, or you get to be rich, can't be both."

Huh... can't be both, can't have both, can't like both... where have I heard that one before?

Alright, maybe interpreting the use of the word "both" here as a metaphor for bisexuality is a major stretch. I know, but listen, in my experience there's always this feeling of "pick one" when it comes to outsiders who don't understand. The fact that Louis' father tried to teach him a "dad lesson" in this specific way is... interesting, to say the least.

The implication is that Louis was a spoiled brat and his father tried to teach him that you don't always get what you want in life... but why draw the line at music, specifically? Music is something his father could've thrown money at. Louis could've had the privilege of the finest vocal coaches at such a young age. He could've become a glowing success and never ended up at Ericson.

Music isn't gendered nor is it inherently queer... but I often wonder if his father would've had the same approach if Louis came to him and said, "I want to be a professional baseball player," instead. After all, in many circles it's more sociably acceptable to have a son who plays baseball, or any sport, rather than a son who takes singing lessons, no? And the fact that his father presents it as a "choice" between the arts and conformity.... C'mon, it's representative of a "choice" people try to enforce on bisexual people: pick the "gay" option and face the consequences, or pick the "straight" option and adhere to easy heteronormativity. That's not how that works, by the way.

But I digress, it's probably not that deep, but still.

Louis' response to all of this was basically, "Fuck you, I'm gonna destroy your marriage. That'll teach YOU a lesson." Real chaotic bisexual behavior here... Okay, I joke, but he's always been one for the dramatics, I suppose.

What I'm getting at is the concept of a character, typically masculine, enjoying the arts only for their more conservative family to disapprove makes an appearance in a lot of stories containing queer themes. It's understandable to raise an eyebrow at Louis for having a backstory like that, even if it's "not the point."

Now, let's examine his relationship with Clementine.

I will die on the hill that clouis is bi4bi.

Louis is peak bi love interest energy.

When we think of a typical straight male love interest, what do we think of? Specifically in the romance genre? I don't know about you, but I read a lot of romance, and well... the leading men tend to have some things in common. Y'know, he's unbelievably handsome and broody. He's an asshole but it's kinda hot? I guess? Not really, but the leading lady's into it. He's what you'd find under the definition of "toxic masculinity" but it's fine, she's going to fix him! With her love! He's really not that bad, he's just sad about his tragic backstory! And also, he's really hot!

Every time I pick up a book and I get the sense this is where it's going, I take a moment to debate with myself whether I'm willing to power through this in hopes that the book does something actually interesting with it... it usually doesn't.

Louis doesn't exactly fit in this mold, which in my opinion, is a good thing. Instead, he's charismatic and friendly. He cares about people and isn't afraid to show it. He watches over AJ until Clementine wakes up, and gives him his food after AJ eats all of his. He's interested in music, but he's not a weak survivor. He struggles with his self-esteem and the guilt of his actions hurting those he cares about. He's hurt and traumatized over Marlon's death and it causes him to lash out, but he gives Clementine a genuine apology. He strives to be better for her, AJ, and everyone at Ericson.

He's sweet with Clementine even before they're romantically involved, and if she doesn't share his feelings, he accepts that. He doesn't feel entitled to her. He isn't the "Nice Guy" trope.

He respects her autonomy, and admires the strengths she has rather than feeling threatened by them. He doesn't get jealous or possessive. He's never physically aggressive with her, and he never makes any sexist comments about how she can't do this, or how she needs to do this, because she's female.

It's the fact that he'd like Clementine no matter what. Louis feels like someone who likes who he likes regardless of gender.

Louis is soft, something that can be construed as weak, even though that's far from the case. It's not just his personality, either; let's take a quick look at his physical appearance.

Louis has a softness to him; long hair, freckles all over his face, his lips are fuller, he's tall and thin but not exactly broad in the shoulders, especially when compared to the other men in TFS. His appearance isn't considered intimidating, and I wouldn't say that his traits lean heavy into the masculine.

We joke about him being so fashionable in the apocalypse, but his long jacket is more evocative of "fashion over function," a stereotype often thrown at feminine fashion... though I suppose you could argue that's where he keeps Chairles so it is functional.

There's the way he presents himself, and yes, even the way that he stands at points, I have no other explanation for other than, "......it's the vibe, there's bisexual energy there."

Look, I'm no body language expert, okay...

...but c'mon, what is this?

I know it's dumb, but there's something to it, that's why so many of us make the "Louis ain't straight, look at how he stands" jokes.

All of this contributes to the subtext of Louis being a bisexual character. It's not about how many genders he openly flirts with, it's about how he's written, both as a character and as the male love interest. It doesn't matter how intentional it was because it's there, I recognize it.

Again, I'll reiterate that this is how I interpret TFS, clouis, and Louis as a character. As a bisexual myself, I'm going to have bias toward this topic. At the end of the day, it's fiction and Louis is a character, y'know? Headcanon is all in good fun, and I'd like to hear y'all's thoughts on this subject.

I don't know what else I can say other than, "Dude, just look at him!"

[mangosaurus]

Hi! Love your jwcc fanarts! (Hope u don't think my question is to annoying lmao 😭❤️)

I wanna ask u what do u think about that theory abt Ben gf being a catfish? Maybe one of that people that have been hunting them idk. Some posts claim it's actually Brooklyn trying to keep herself updated about the whole situation?? TO MUCH THEORIES

Also if the gf is actually real I'm curious about your opinion. Like I saw a post saying that Ben could be Bi, Pan, etc, but really, I am bisexual myself and there is no bi subtext on that boy... and it's not like they suddenly are gonna officialize he is bi/pan, or give him this type of subtext at this point of the franchise. Is not cool when people call "bi/pan" a media trying to avoid dealing with a character queerness. It's just painful that people think this is a real way of portrait of a bi/pan experience. It's not!!

AW thank you so much! i know i haven't posted much art lately but it still makes me really happy to hear that people enjoy it. and your question isn't annoying at all, don't worry about it :) i love receiving and answering asks, it doesn't matter what they're about

the more time that passes the more plausible the catfish GF theory sounds to me. if i had to guess, ben probably met his girlfriend online, possibly through dark jurassic (which a lot of the fandom seems to be in consensus about). as for it being brooklynn ... not too sure about that one! i've mostly treated it as a crack theory up until now, if just because of how absurd it sounds on paper, but i wouldn't put it past brooklynn to pull something like that. keeping in touch with ben is probably one of her only links back to her friends, besides her contact with ronnie (who is only partially connected to darius at this point, since he quit the DPW). i'd recommend giving these two posts by kitabearuwu a read if you're interested in exploring that theory further.

now if the girlfriend is real: i obviously can't speak for you or other bi/pan/otherwise mspec people, but i've come to not care all that much, if i'm being honest. it was definitely a shock to hear, as was the intended effect, since darius, sammy, and yasmina all initially reacted with surprise. but my question is what harm does ben having a girlfriend in chaos theory pose? like, does it play into any negative stereotypes? does it communicate a dangerous message about queer people? i've seen some people argue that it perpetuates the notion that mlm relationships are "icky" and shouldn't be portrayed in media, but i have to disagree, respectfully.

i think it's also really important to remember that subtext is ... ultimately kind of subjective, and is totally independent of the creator's intentions. that's the whole point of subtext—it exists below (hence the prefix sub-) the underbelly of the text. you have to be looking for it to see it, basically. and for a long time, the fandom (or at least the queer part of the fandom) subtextually read ben as gay! a lot of that had to do with his rather intimate interactions with the other boys, juxtaposed against the way he rejected yasmina when he thought she had a crush on him ("i like you, but i don't like like you ... i'm just now starting to find myself"). but ... i don't know, if we want to start citing text, you could also argue that ben's whole thing about not putting him in a box circa jwcc s5 could be a point towards him being generally unlabeled, which leaves room for him being mspec.

if i had to make some definitive statement on the matter, i guess it'd be that this fandom gets really bogged down by the specific labels of these characters, when it's really not all that necessary. this is still a gay show made by gay people featuring unapologetically gay characters in explicitly gay relationships, of which has been some of the best gay rep i've ever seen in media. and having that kind of representation on TV matters more to me than knowing what ben specifically identifies as, even if it doesn't align with my headcanon. it doesn't have to! but i also don't know for sure if it doesn't align with my headcanon, because we haven't gotten the full story yet. ben's girlfriend is most likely gonna be of some importance, given that he mentioned her twice without going into much detail about her. that leaves a lot of room in future seasons to expand upon who she is and her role in both the greater narrative and ben's life specifically, including his identity. i just think it's best we reserve judgement at this point, basically

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

Any thoughts on them changing Scar’s face in 03? It’s so much smoother compared to Mangahood. Like do you prefer one face over the other? Thoughts on the fact that they changed Scar’s face but nobody else’s, why do you think it happened at all?

Hm. I do have thoughts on the matter, but so much of it is more about how fans perceive 03 Scar vs the mangahood Scars (because manga and Broho Scar do differ in their appearance as well, though perhaps not as immediately as 03 does) than anything to do with the contrasts in the anime vs the manga itself.

The way fans talk about 03 Scar's appearance just. Man. Bums me out. Pre-Brotherhood you had your bog standard cishet white dudes harping about Scar looking "like he should be in a boy band," and listen. If you were a teen or young adult in the oughts, you knew exactly what the subtext for the statement was: fag.

I'd have thought, all these years later, that I would be seeing better quality opinions on the dude. Unfortunately, rejoining the fandom after over a decade post-Brotherhood I seem to find similar, disparaging sentiments. Except now it's painted more as a critique of 03 being a separate beast from the manga's canon. Yet the unmistakable undercurrent of disdain towards a man being rendered more pretty, young, vulnerable, and with a somewhat greater range of emotionality remains intact, only now Western fans have the more overtly masculine, older, emotionally restrained depiction of Scar everyone prefers in Brotherhood to use as an additional way to shit on 03 Scar's looks.

People seem forever confounded by a version of Scar who isn't Peak Masc™®© and 'scary'/intimidating, so they gawk at 03's version like its a rift in reality. But when I first saw what Scar looks like in the manga a ways back (please note, I started with 03 back before 2009 and Brotherhood) I just shrugged. And finally watching Brotherhood earlier this year I was no less unbothered over the shift in Scar's appearance.

To me the change in artstyles alone across both anime and the manga makes everyone look rather different; 03 Envy and Broho Envy have completely different faces, hair density, and even demeanours but I don't see non-stop posts about them. Hell, 03 Greed vs Mangahood Greed looks VERY different to me. Mangahood looks so young and, as you put it, smooth. 03 looks older, more like he actually lives in the seedy underbelly of society. But again, no one bats an eye at this. Folks have at least noted Ed and (human body) Al's design differences, but that's accepted without much hullabaloo. 03 Lust also has (albeit more subtle) design changes over the manga, and the later Broho version looks unlike both 03 and manga Lusts. Hohenheim of Light and Von Hohenheim? Look quite different! Their face shapes aren't even identical. So no, I don't actually feel that only Scar ended up looking unlike his manga counterpart. It's a more overt change compared to most of the rest of the cast, but he's not the only one who looks younger/more beautiful. (And come on, damn near everyone has a retroactive glow-up in 03 versus Brotherhood, given the difference in styles.)

I just don't get why Scar's changes should be such a big deal.

Maybe I'm used to media that has scores of iterations of the same core characters, where even artstyles change on the regular. So 03 Scar vs manga Scar vs Broho Scar designs never registered as anything controversial. Frankly the fact of these differences are banal. Tweaks in appearance happens per iteration. Which isn't to say that there aren't choices being made by the artists. Just that it doesn't impact how I feel or engage with each version of this character.

What I find the most bizarre about this memefication of "2003 Scar is a twinky emo boy who cries and is wimpy, give us back our brick wall Big Man who has two expressions max" is that this comes from a mostly queer contingent on tunglr dot fuck. A queer, "feminist" fandom, who giggles at a character of colour the fandom mostly sees as a 'fearsome villain' having ever been rendered with such proximity to emotional complexity, to the the feminine, and deriding this character design and writing choice. It also flanderizes the version of Scar they supposedly prefer, because the mangahood Scars aren't Mega-Sized American Shooter Space Marines Who Are Gruff and Feel Nothing despite whatever weird cultural-gender hangups these same fans are (perhaps unwittingly) clinging to. The role those Scars are meant to inhabit is the racialized caricature of the dangerous Other, but even they aren't as flattened as the fanon renders them.

We can be honest though. Nobody in this fandom has a problem with other attractive characters. Only 03 Scar fuck's 'em up. And most of the people bothered by 03 Scar's appearance aren't even Scar fans to begin with. They just find it uncanny that a "terrorist villain" could ever look, well. Alluring. It crosses people's wires.

Skill issue.

As for why the 03 character designer(s) chose to change Scar's appearance from the manga, I can only speculate. It's worth noting that a cleaner, more youthful appearance does tend to carry its own signifiers in pop media. Especially for a younger audience, a more relatively youthful design can encourage seeing oneself in a character's shoes. To strip away some of the degree of separation that teen and young adult viewers may otherwise feel towards a displaced, religious, soldier-murdering character, in the hopes that they instead connect with Scar. Not as a figure meant to terrify them but rather a fleshed out character grappling with his own journey.

Maybe, more cynically, the character designers just thought a younger, more conventionally attractive Scar might better draw in viewers.

Unless anyone has some sources from the team behind the 2003 anime, we can't know the reasons with any certainty.

To answer your question: looks wise, I don't have a strong preference. Older, younger, more (relatively) bulky or more (relatively) trim (but for real tho, we know 03 Scar isn't a twig, yeah?), a prettier face or a more grizzled one, doesn't matter to me. It just adds variety to the meal, ya know? All Scars are gorgeous to me. If I could lovingly cradle all three huge men in my arms at the same time, I would.

But character wise? 03 is my fave, hands down. I prefer his staunch principles, his struggles, his characterization, his arc, his radicalism, his emotional range, just! Everything about him is pitch perfect to me. There's a reason why he's the one in my pfp, the one I drew for my blog header, hell the one I draw the most obsessively overall.

Sucks ass that sifting through ages of fan content yields so much constant trash slung at my fave amongst faves. 🥲 But my expectations for this fandom have never left rock bottom anyhow.

[ihopesocomic]

As a bi and nonbinary person i feel like lgbt media that doesn't make romance ina homophobic society or a coming out story is geniunely refreshing. Im really tired of the same old stories that are like that. So i really like i hopeso a lot better than mypride... Like

If you guys want homophobic or transphobic "realism" idk go watch mypride or whatever. Im geniunely tired of having to experience and having media reflect real world prejudice that has an effect on people.

So anyways ihopeso is really good in terms of being an lgbt friendly comic. I hope more stuff like yours comes out soon.

Also I don't know how they did it but they seriously wrote nothing and hover with the charisma of an obligatory heterosexual couple in every piece of media ever. Thats all ill say on all of that

Thank you! Just based on personal experience, enjoying a thing without it having to be bogged down by rampant bits of bigotry just makes it all the more enjoyable. Right from the start I wanted to make it absolutely clear that homophobia/transphobia/ableism/etc was just not a thing in this world. Not only do the readers not have to stress out about whether it's gonna happen, but look at that, the main couple also has a brief Romeo & Juliet moment. But it's because they have different cultures, and not because they're two girls who are romantic.

Since there's no "cishet default", there's no "corrupt religion", so why include something that only exists because one sector of humans decided to hide behind religion to justify oppression? Starts not making sense when you think about it.

Unless the point of someone's story is to deconstruct discrimination or just generally speaking about one's experiences, there's no reason to include it. Animals or fantasy or whatever. Your fantasy world has Off-brand Catholicism in it to justify discrimination against queer people? Then why are you boring, that's my question. It just especially doesn't make sense with animals. It's a good fuckin way to take any queer readers you have right out of the story. Most days I just put it down and never look at it again cuz I'm fuckin tired. It's 2023, queer tragedies are old hat, no one cares.

And if someone's one of those people who thinks it doesn't make sense to not include it, then you need to assess why you think this way because it's not normal. Or if you don't wanna do that, then yeah, go back and watch MP, cuz an off-putting amount of people bug us about why characters aren't ableist or homophobic. Y'all want homophobic lions, go watch MP. That's clearly what some of you want LOL And you're not gonna get MP 2.0 out of IHS, as much as people want it to be.

As for Nothing and Hover, there's a strange phenomenon in queer media where they have to include one or multiple bad sapphic tropes. Specifically where one is the "meek feminine one" and the other is the "boistrous masculine one". Essentially making them a poorly-written cishet couple. MP just has the extra bonus of Nothing being disabled and Hover being ableist. They complete each other/sarcasm.

And to go on a bit of a tangent, homophobia and ableism doesn't even make sense in the context of My Pride lol I know what they were trying to do, but in simplest terms, woman-haters don't worship women. And it just becomes even stupider when you remember that they're trying to explain "realism" in lion behaviors. - Cat

[cryptidfuckery]

Your old social media was literally my first ever introduction to anyone identifying beyond the gender binary. In 2014, I was watching youtube videos in the small UK city I grew up in, and your videos were recommended. And I felt instant recognition when you talked about gender things, because I'm non-binary and I'd never heard of anyone identifying or expressing themselves that way when I was younger. You were the LGBT+ elder that I really appreciated advice from. (Even if you are only a few years older than me, you seemed much wiser). So I just wanted to say thank you for being your out and authentic self for so many years. Wishing you a good week. P.S. if you like cute animals, I highly recommend looking up photos of bog turtles, they definitely made my week better.

I'm really, really glad that I was able to help you!!

This definitely isn't the first time I've heard this. Notably, when I was at an anime convention years ago during that time, I had someone approach me and say essentially the same thing and also cry. Wonderful experience, also a fucking wild experience!!

It's one of the things I'm proudest of my younger self for. I was lucky enough to learn through my close friends at the time, but I definitely saw that there just. Wasn't enough information readily available for the people who might be interested. So I dug my heels in and allowed myself to be a resource, because it was important. Most of what I was doing was regurgitating what I was learning from my own elders and community, but it was important for people to have a face to the idea. Someone they could talk to and be validated by.

That was either around or over 10 years ago now. I've identified as genderqueer for over 10 years. I sometimes think about an the people who might have a similar time line just for the sake that I talked about it openly.

That time also helped me realize that I didn't want to go into activism full time. I love it, its important, but it made me realize that it would take too much out of me. Maybe I was able to handle it better because I was still being supported by family, and my only obligation (that I shirked a hell of a lot of) was highschool.

That doesn't mean I Completely stopped though. I'm one of those people you can make the joke "they'll trans your gender." I have a joke that the only people who don't end up more trans by the end of dating me are Very cis men. (I have a theory that the people who do end up "more trans" are attracted to the androgy for a reason, whether they realize or not).

I like to think it's because I know what questions to ask, not to push too hard, but more than anything, let them describe how they're feeling about their gender/sexuality with no judgements. Letting them explore it in a safe space. So my activism kind of happens there.

But more than that, I'm a hairdresser that caters toward queer/trans/gay people. That's where I feel I actually do my activism.

And I'll be real with you, I'm not out to all my clients. I work in a mixed bag neighborhood (old conservatives, young liberals, EVERYTHING inbetween) so half of that is keeping myself safe. The other half is not wanting to put extra work on myself trying to fight to explain my identify to someone who 1) doesn't actually care and 2) most likely won't actually hear a thing i say. I talk to the clients that bring it up, and come out to them if they ask. I'm not necessarily tight lipped about my queerness, but like all of us, at know how to illude without specifics. I let my clients decide their comfort level.

But my TRANS CLIENTS. They are SO important to me. I'm able to surround myself with the people I love, who I can crack a gender joke at and know I'll get a laugh. People I can really talk to about dysphoria, about hormones, about surgeries, about relationships, about sex, about family, about friends, about life in a way I don't get to with my other clients.

Even more important than that, I can make a huge step in their transition that much easier. I had a good amount of freshly cracked eggs find me after quarantine/the pandemic (it's not over). As we all know, it was a huge self reflection time. But I got to be there to be the first to validate their gender through their hair. That in itself can be an extremely nerve wracking process. My trans clients coming to me have allowed me to figure out the best way to naviagte the situation in a way where they feel comfortable and validated. It means the world to me. Seriously.

This is where I feel I actually do my activism. It's not explaining what gender is, it's not explaining pronouns. It's getting to assure someone they're on the right path. That what they're doing is good, and it's happy, and there's someone who's proud of them for going through the hard, hard process. I have people I've now been seeing for years who I've gotten to support through hormone changes, through identity changes, through relationship changes.

But one of the things I really try to stress is that being trans, while it absolutely has it's difficulty, it's supposed to be joyous. It's supposed to be the joy of being who you feel you really are. The joy of being loved for who you are. The joy of loving as you are. The joy of being loved by your community. The joy of loving life. Being trans is the joy of love, and the constant readmission that you love yourself more than anyone else can take away.

I cried a little bit writing that ngl.

Last thing I wanna say is that if I did happen to touch your life in a way that helped you become more fully realized, pass on the favor. The next time you have a friend or loved one you're getting the signals from, ask the questions. Be patient with them. Let them change their answers. Nudge but don't shove. Crack a joke. Meet them where they are.

Do it with love.

[dolores-slay]

Current state of Utena discourse of twitter seems to be like the exact thing everyone would expect to come out of current social media and utena combination but somehow still infinitely more disappointing that it's actually happening.

Idk what started it but now we have people saying there's no way a person can be attracted to someone who ends up abusing them. And the uncharitable followup from that would be to ask 'so is being attracted consent to getting abused by someone?'. And it's a question I don't really want to hear answered honestly because I know the honest answer would be that yes, so many queer people, many of whom are fellow women attracted to women, do think that by being attracted to men, bi women are at least in part bringing on their own abuse.

And Utena is cool to them, they want to relate to this character, of course she didn't bring on her abuse! Which necessitates her being a lesbian, maybe with comphet, and interpreting her as anything else is just delusional hc at best and lesbiphobia at worst.

Thing is there's been people for over 20 years now, existing together in online communities, some of which interpreted Utena as lesbian and some of which interpreted her as bisexual, and we could all exist at the same time because not only is SKU a work of fiction and its characters are not real people, but is also NOTORIOUSLY open to different readings and interpretation and never really provides you any straight (heh) answers to much of anything. One thing we 10000% know is she's not straight.

Usually I have no issue with hyperspecific labeling cause people are allowed to define themselves however they damn want BUT what I'm seeing is specificity about the identities of fictional characters making people go to online war and everyone could really, really be doing something else with their time.

(not to mention the bigger bog going on with calling out longtime fandom archivers for liking a compelling villain or going 'hmmmm kinda sus to me' over not expressing ones fascination with said villain in a way that would be convicing enough to you, personally, that they don't endorse the villain's actions. Like there's media illiteracy which I am myself guilty of often, and then there's just being malicious)

[olderthannetfic]

Could a part of the concern about "blah blah morally questionable actions in fiction blah blah" among the toxic ya crowd and fandom antis be because people are trying to live vicariously through whatever they're reading or watching instead of living their own lives? I used to feel a bit like they do when I was younger, but then I grew up and experienced more of life and found community. I no longer have to experience things realistically in fiction because I have an actual life. If I read unrealistic queer sex in a book, I don't chase down authors because I can actually have queer sex in real life lol. So now things in shows, books, and movies are just explorations of ideas and concepts, and I make a distinction between "representation" and simple "depiction" of identities.

But maybe that mixed in with how capitalism has bogged down so many different communities and groups into passivity, so people might feel like their only form of "activism" is "Consume Morally Correct Media To Be A Good Person" instead of doing that with their actions in real life.

I mean, all that mixed in with typical Christian Fundamentalism at its core too, of course.

--

I think it's that when you are either young or traumatized, black and white thinking can be attractive for the false sense of safety it offers.

People with more life experience and/or better lives with more control over whom they socialize with will often abandon that kind of thinking.

But I do agree with you that having actual community makes people unclench about petty internet fights.

[liamgallaghermpreg]

this is a bit of a personal question, so i understand if you don’t want to answer! as someone who’s transmasc but fem i struggle to explain to others & rationalize myself why i feel more strongly aligned w/ fem men than fem women. it’s had me wondering whether i really am transmasc. i know that you as a transmasc are fem presenting & that you’re interested in pregnancy so i wanted to hear your take on it.

how do you differentiate between being a cis fem woman and a trans fem man? how does it “feel�� different to you to be transmasc, and change how you see yourself? seeing your confidence in your photos and your comfort with your gender has been immensely helpful for me and it’d mean a lot if i could get your thoughts on this! :) pls answer if you feel comfortable

Hey anon! I’m extremely touched that me posting and stuff has helped you out🥺

I think first of all is that I try NOT to rationalize myself to people — I (we) don’t need to! One of the most important things a friend told me is “I don’t need you to get it or understand, I just need you to respect me.” This has especially been helpful with people like my parents who I genuinely think would get it more if I were a binary trans man lol. But they don’t have to get it! They just need to respectfully try to use my pronouns and say stuff like “my child” instead of “my daughter.”

Secondly, it’s important to remember that everyone’s gender journey is their own. It can be really hard to not get bogged down especially in this age of social media. Like I was posting about yesterday — it gets me down that I’m not so confident in HRT like a lot of people I know are! But also — and I know I’m immensely lucky for this — most of my friends are also trans and are very supportive of me and my identity which is very helpful. When I feel “less” trans I know that’s me projecting and not anybody making me feel that way.

Re: differentiating — I don’t see myself as a cis fem woman because I’m not! That sounds so stupidly simple but it really is. When I think of calling myself a woman I get this icky feeling all over. I don’t think this means I can’t connect to womanhood. I personally DO feel like I was a girl who later blossomed (lol) into a dude. I went through a lot of stuff as a girl that I still connect with. Doesn’t mean the trans shit wasn’t always there. Now that I know, I see a lot of egg moments in my younger self. But I still connect with my girlhood. A lot of trans people were always that gender and that’s awesome. I don’t feel that way, and that’s also okay. A great phrase I use a lot is “one person’s dysphoria is another’s euphoria.”

That all said — identifying with fem men over fem women definitely speaks to you identifying with masculinity. I think masculinity can be whatever you make it. Sometimes I feel so masc when I have a full face and super revealing dress on! I get it though, it sucks when people don’t see you how you are. And it can be a bummer to constantly correct people. It does get me down a lot. I think I take a lot of comfort in surrounding myself with people who respect me — I know this is easier said than done but I really recommend trying to get involved in your local queer community if at all possible, and if not finding people online.

Re: my presentation — I never felt like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, I have way more social dysphoria. I don’t like that I’m seen as a woman walking down the street. I don’t like that when guys hit on me at the bar it’s 99% of the time because they think I’m just an alt girl. But I don’t want to change to fit what others perceive. I like my boobs! I like my pussy! I like my curves! And I think really trying to overcome the “this body type/presentation = woman” thing in your head is HARD but necessary. I totally get why others want top, bottom, etc. That’s their way of feeling more aligned with their gender and that’s fantastic. For me…it isn’t. Really trying to view these things as neutral is hard but necessary.

Same with pregnancy. Now I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl (see!) and now that I’m a grown man/masc/person that hasn’t changed. I really really view pregnancy as a neutral. It’s something my body can do and I want to do it. Society equates this (and wanting this — but there ARE cis men who want to be pregnant too! People of every gender!) with being a woman but working to remember and surrounding yourself with people who know it’s a neutral can be helpful. That’s another thing like…I would consider myself a mother. Some transmascs who choose to give birth may want to be called a father or another term. I view these terms as neutral in my head. Like gender identity it’s whatever feels right to YOU.

Whoever you identify with that makes YOU feel good is valid — like I know the word valid has been overused on the Internet but I really mean it. Like Joan Jett is on my gender moodboard as much as Kellan Lutz in Twilight. I really found comfort in finding my own style, which I describe as jock/goth (joth) lol and so playing around with that has been helpful. If fem men are how you feel connected to your masculinity — then hell yes! With stuff like makeup…I like makeup! That’s a value neutral! I like the artistry and playing around with it. I have to work to remember that it isn’t an inherently cisfem thing.

Unfortunately a lot of my coping is self-validation (and luckily, from my friends too) and believing that society will catch up.

I know this was SUPER rambly but my coping mechanism has been fake it till you make it from the time I was a 9 year old being bullied in 4th grade and it still is. If you act confident the confidence will come…

Idk how helpful this was but I hope it was a bit!

Btw — if you feel transmasc, then you are :) it’s as simple as that!

[savebylou]

Article below. Read it if you can.

The discourse surrounding Harry Styles is many things, but one thing it literally ALWAYS is is exhausting. Harry Styles has reached the calibre of celebrity and fandom that whatever move he makes, how he chooses to do his hair, what he chooses to wear all spark conversation and debate. It feels like for years now the odiously boring conversation on whether Harry Styles has been “queerbaiting” or not is a never ending pollution across social media and the more yawn inducing side of Reddit – but now, it’s pivoted in a new direction thanks to how Harry Styles looked when he went to watch a footie game the other day, with people saying he’s now “straight again”. O-kay.

Just a very bizarre opinion to be fronted with, in my opinion. And even more bizarre to see it’s currently sitting on 138,000 likes – which either means that many people genuinely believe such trite nonsense or they think it’s funny. It’s got to a boring area of the discourse where it doesn’t matter if Harry Styles rocks up in the pretty bog standard, neutral outfit he did or wears a feather boa as per his Love On Tour era – he’d be spoken about with the word queerbaiting not fair behind.

I think where this gets really problematic is that it’s sort of all centred on the nonsensical. If Harry Styles is bi, gay, queer – any of those things being entirely his business to keep to himself or share when he wants – then why would he suddenly not be if he wears a muted colour, goes the footie or cuts his hair shorter? I feel like the fact I’m even having to voice this makes me feel like I’ve fell down a time slip to 2010 or something. And what I find even more baffling is that the outfit in question is a shirt and sweater vest, big 70s vibes – isn’t that how Harry’s been dressing for … years? So we’re saying all this Harry Styles ‘is straight again’ because he’s cropped his hair short? Do me a favour.

Was particularly riled at this one, which suggests the reason that Harry Styles isn’t walking into a footie match with a feather boa on and some pink palazzo trousers is because Love On Tour has ended and so has the album cycle – therefore he has not interest in… Your guess is as good as mine. No interest in being gay, of which he more than likely isn’t anyway? No interest in appealing to gays? Why are we pretending that over half of every stadium on Love On Tour wasn’t filled with heterosexual women?

It’s all just very weird, to be honest with you. I am writing this as a gay man, and whether Harry Styles is presenting himself in whatever way he’s seen fit I have never once felt “queerbaited”. I have not spent the last few years of my life thinking Harry Styles was LGBTQ+ – just that he was a massive ally and someone who wasn’t afraid to be a bit flamboyant from time to time. Even if he was gay or bi or whatever it would make a grand total of zero difference to my life or to my enjoyment of his music.

If your first thought when you see a pop star with shorter hair at a footie game is “oh, Harry Styles is straight again” – you need an urgent life.

Link to article.

[cxncordia]

This new wave of Queer cinema worries me a bit.

I'm talking things like Saltburn, Fellow Passengers and All of Us Strangers.

It worries me because, while beautiful to look at, it's a beautiful package wrap around one very detrimental idea: gays are not okay.

I'm gonna spoil a bit here. Ignore the list if you haven't seen any of these movies:

Saltburn is the story of Oliver, a guy that at first glance is shown that is experiencing the worst crush of his life on Felix, a beautiful English boy that he just can't have... and thus he starts this strange journey to get him, only to reveal to us that it was never Felix whom he wanted, but the Saltburn state where most of the story happens.

Fellow Passengers shows a beautiful love story of these two men who keep on being lovers through the ages and shows the audience what it means to be gay through a moment in time very difficult, because as they deal with externalized homophobia, they deal with internalized homophobia.

All of Us Strangers, while I haven't watched it, I have read that the basic idea is that Adam (Scott) is a screenwriter who runs into Harry (Mescal) who seems to make him open up and become vulnerable. And then they seem to move back to Adam's house where his parents are still living.

Now, I don't want to extrapolate over something so silly and superficial. But it worries me that these are the new "wave" of queer cinema. Because underneath it all, the basic conflict is that being gay is somehow linked to these problems of internalized shame and regret. While not explicitly villainizing homosexuality, we don't have the counterpart on the industry. We don't have homosexuals we can look up to and when we do, they are wrapped in the police and government propaganda idyllic world that serves the powers to be. (yes, I'm talking about you, Tarlos).

And yes, that's true. We gay men go through shame and regret more punctually than straight men do: because the world was not constructed for us so we have to learn to navigate the fact that we "look" the part but we "aren't" the part. We become performatic and we fill the gap between ourselves and the very large mask we use with shame.

But straight men have something we don't: an array of power fantasies at the tip of their fingers where their sexuality is not even questioned, put into consideration or a source of shame. Some other factors may be questioned, but never their sexuality. Rebel Moon comes out in December 21st and it's a testosterone-filled action movie with male actors and male characters that have not their sexuality questioned in this imaginary universe. Aquaman 2 comes out around the same time and it also features straight masculine acting men who do not have to worry about one ounce on how gay they look.

And that's the problem.

Every gay media I watch that gets to the mainstream is "woe is me and I'm gay". Even stuff that's supposed to make you feel good (Heartstopper or Smiley) has that component of internalized shame. And I get it, many of us who have come now into economic power and who are main consumers lived a time where shame was the norm.

But it's time to stop that. And also, is time to stop telling the gays that come behind us that they have to suffer this.

It's been more than 20 years since I fist watched Queer As Folk (the British version with a twink Charlie Hunnam) and we are still dealing with the same tropes, the same stories, the same ideas.

Where are the hyper-masculine gay super heroes? Or even better yet: the fat and femme gay super heroes?

The romantic and endearing fantasy princes looking for their own prince?

The fantasy hero based on the monomyth who faces his father as a representation of the Patriarchy that has stomped on him?

Where are they?

I'm just... tired.

Tired that in 20 something years we still have the same shit and we don't seem to move beyond Queer as Folk and Brokeback Mountain type of stories. And when we do present something new they are bogged down and ignored in the corporate shitty streaming world that only cares about how much money it can pull out from our pockets. Like that supernatural show (Astrid and Lily Save the World) with two plus size lesbian main characters.

I mean, it's amazing to see Andrew Scott get it going with Paul Mescal, and to see Jonathan Bailey suck Matt Bomer's toes is a first... but I need something more. Something different. Something were the character's sexuality isn't questioned or a source of shame, but a worthy, proud, and unapologetic trait of the main character who also has fun in the movie.

I want joyful gay stories that celebrate my sexuality. I want simple gay stories. I want happy gays.

Isn't that what the term is supposed to mean in the first place?

[queer-starwars-bracket]

Queer Star Wars Characters (Round 2): General Bracket Match 19

TK-421 | Identity: mlm | Media: “OF MSE-6 And Men”

TK-421 was a stormtrooper stationed in a Maintenance Unit of the Death Star and friendly with the mouse droid MSE-6. TK-421 had an affair with Grand Moff Tarkin. He was happy to be Tarkin’s sugar baby and intentionally assumed a more naive and backwater persona, guessing that’s what Tarkin would want. He was excited to be reassigned to a cushy position on Coruscant “guarding” Tarkin’s penthouse where he could enter MSE-6 into droid races. Even before beginning his affair with Tarkin, he was concerned with his appearance and had an eye for aesthetics.

He is the stormtrooper that Luke disguises himself as in A New Hope. When he went to investigate the Millenium Falcon, our heroes killed him. In the scene where a mouse droid approaches the disguised Luke and Han and is scared away by Chewbacca, that is MSE-6 fetching TK-421 to bring him to Tarkin’s private quarters. 

Caysin Bog/Tam Polsa | Identity: mlm couple | Media: Doctor Aphra comics

Caysin Bog and Tam Polsa are two background characters on Jedha in Rogue One (the latter not even making it into the final cut, but he was also in the background of Solo), but have been given a full story through the Visual Dictionary for the movie and the Doctor Aphra comic series. Tam Polsa was a member of the Milvayne Authority who went rogue to continue to pursue Corenlius Evazan and Ponda Boba, who were kidnapping people to turn into lobotomized cyborgs called decrainiated. Caysin Bog was one such victim, although the lobotomy didn’t take as much as most decrainiated. As Polsa pursued Evazan, he met Bog and the two fell in love, further motivating the former lawman. The two became bounty hunters to fund their search. They were both very legalist as bounty hunters, refusing to kill those who were neither criminals or someone they were being paid to kill. Polsa had a strong sense of justice, albeit restrained by the legal system. Although the lengths he had to go to tracking Evazan and the jobs he had to take recruited constant moral compromise and was sending him down the ‘self destructive noir detective’ path. Polsa was extremely dramatic in his speech, while Caysin showed no outward indications of his decraination effecting him cognitively.

They were hired anonymously by 0-0-0 and placed under the command of Doctor Aphra as part of a mercenary crew to retrieve a copy of his personality matrix. Said mission involved all the twists and schemes of a typical Doctor Aphra arc. Aphra reprogramed Caysin’s cybernetics with an override, which she used to make him walk into the fire of messed up Tarkin Initiative prototypes Polsa had previously refused to kill. Consumed by rage, Polsa slaughtered the prototypes. After the mission, he figured out that Aphra was the cause of his lover’s death, and swore vengeance on her as well. 

Imprisoned in Accresker Jail with Doctor Evazan, Aphra called Polsa to break her out of jail in exchange for being able to kill Evazan. He helped save her from some fungus that thought it was a Jedi (long story), before taking a frozen Evazan- not killing Aphra but not bringing her with him anyway. When Evazan was unfrozen, he used a shapeshifting squid thing (long story) to convince Polsa he was a changeling Aphra used to trick him. He returned to Accresker Jail, where 0-0-0 killed him. However, he was intact enough for the fungi that thought it was a Jedi to revive him and create a force-sensitive organism that believed itself to be a manifestation of the Force’s desire for justice. He tracked Aphra back to his home planet, where 0-0-0 killed him for real.

[gmbeowulf]

Thank you so much for your kind words. You said it better than I did, and hell’s bells, I would love to meet your friends too! They sound amazing!

I got carried away this morning, it’s just the commenter reminded me so much of my teenage daughter. She tells me she feels a similar sense of urgency and windows closing forever. And I remember that passage from The Bell Jar (I know, big facepalm, but it ~spoke to me~ at 20) about seeing your life’s possibilities as a tree full of beautiful fruits, then watching them start to rot and fall while you’re still trying to decide the best one to pluck.

I think young women, especially, cis and trans, feel like they have an expiration date stamped on them. So I am every day trying to push back on my teen’s ideas that time is running out for her. It’s hard to try gin up hope, the way the world is right now. But I guess you have to try.

And god, I hope that poor girl on here takes your words to heart. I hope she isn’t overwhelmed by these floods of well meant advice. I hope she surprises herself and blossoms, goes from strength to strength for the next 50 years! There is so damn much screaming evil in the world trying to bring down our beautiful queer kids and young people, but maybe sometimes they will hear our voices telling them to keep holding on.

My friends are amazing and I'm lucky to know them. And yeah, it's so easy to get bogged down by all the terribleness in the world (especially when social media puts it so front and center). But I'm also a parent--my son is ten, and neurodivergent, and honestly I'm going to be shocked if he isn't bi like I am--and I have a vested interest in making sure there's still a world and that the good people haven't all lost hope by the time he gets there.

[biblicallyaccuratepigeons]

Longpost that summarizes an old rant I saved a while back.

[context: i was watching a yt video released last June about pride and the issues with it (particularly that year) and had been thinking lately about the US school system. the following is an edited version of the comment i typed out, decided not to post because it was too long, and saved on a document to collect dust]

I think, if someone gets their personal validation from a tshirt or a series of colors, there must be some issue there other than "that the person isn't the same as everyone else."

An issue that I see a lot in the queer community, at least the younger part of it in (particularly northern) America, is that they're so busy putting on a show and "living their truth" that they've forgotten what it means to have to truly suffer for that truth (i.e. the mother crying in public and online because people moved the location of what she considered was her child's gender identity, which was most likely impermanent anyway, when just decades ago, and even still today, American children were sorely beaten and/or thrown out of the house for being queer in any way; just decades ago, the word "queer" was a hateful slur, and still today, there are people who are genuinely afraid of me just for being subtly queer). I think both wings, left and right, are keeping us like babies, doing everything they can to divert our attention from real issues, and keep us from maturing enough to see how wrong they are regarding these issues--and desperate people who don't know where else to turn, or how, are eating it up like the slop it is.

My thoughts always return to the US education system, and how much the media is allowed to overcome what little we're taught in the way of critical thinking and ethics. We're stuffed into a place we don't want to be, with adults who think it's their jobs to parent us however they like, teaching us things that don’t fit into a long enough timeframe or in ways that aren't flexible enough for everyone to learn, until either our 13 years are up or we quit. We're assured that we'll make nothing of our lives if we don't finish, and then when we do we're assured the same if we don't fork over thousands of dollars for some piece of paper no one looks at anyway and 2+ years of wasted time.

In what could possibly turn out to be 21 years of our lives (if we don't fail a year or two), we learn very little about actual life skills and critical, abstract thinking--unless we're already "gifted" enough to already be thinking critically and abstractly anyways. Those of us who have already figured that out then get bogged down with work, burn out early, and hate ourselves for an undetermined amount of time while our "less intelligent" friends (whom we know to be wonderful and equal) go to college, get married, have kids, and build careers. We know we could be better; it's what we've been told all our lives. That whispering shadow follows us around, saying things like, "It should've been you," "Why aren't you like that?" and "You're such a failure."

And for the kids who don't figure it out, well fuck them I guess, it just means more sheep who will follow every sentimental word the media says. Why bother teaching people who don't care to learn, even though the reason they don't care is because the adults didn't first? Conflict is good actually, division is good actually, arguing is good actually, war is good actually. Why? Because, uh, wait, nope, we're only allowed to teach that reason to the Gifted kids. Shoulda studied harder! Have some food stamps.

I know a lot of right-wing bigots compare the lives we live with the ones presented in George Orwell's book, 1984. That's why I always encourage people to read it for themselves. These guys might be overexaggerating some things, but, like everyone involved in this whole debate about what we're going to do next, they have a point. The manner in which the government is raising our children, the way kids often hate their loving parents for no reason other than "it's what I'm supposed to be doing at this age," or "because it's cool." Our hearts being directed by outside forces towards the wrong things, like patriotism or cheap Pride merch. The many who don't know better. The few who do being too exhausted or busied to do anything real about it.

The worst part for me is knowing that no matter how much I think about it, no matter how much I talk about it, I can't put a dent in the zeitgeist. And thinking and talking is all that I, a cherished Gifted kid, ever learned how to do, so what now? All the work ethic, all the valuing of human life and rights, mean nothing if I can’t do anything.

They teach the Gifted how to think, and the "normal" people learn how to do things on their own because they have no choice. 

If only I’d been born into an abusive home, I catch myself thinking. If only I’d never known how smart I am. Then, maybe, I would be able to do something. Maybe I’d have been able to make myself move on my own, proactively instead of reactively. Maybe I’d’ve taught myself taxes, and how to stay at a sucky job. Maybe I’d’ve proactively used a knife instead of my fingernails. Maybe I’d’ve stabbed instead of slashed. Maybe I’d’ve done heroin. Maybe I’d’ve walked into traffic. Maybe I’d’ve tied myself to a bag of heavy rocks and jumped into the river, to finally feel that cool, delicious, watery peace. Maybe I’d have a knife kink instead of a rope one. Blood instead of burn. Death instead of imprisonment. Yandere instead of tsundere. Hate instead of lust.

And I would be no better off than the normal kids.

[localcouchgremlin]

I think I might delete this and I don’t know whether it’s important but Jesus Christ the gerard gender discussion is making my blood boil now,, we barely know the gang can we not celebrate their genderfuckery as it is without making excuses for invasive speculation or potentially transphobic rhetoric?? please??

A lot of what I see on one front is the fact that peoples eggs can crack upon talking with a friend or therapist or otherwise someone close/a mentor about how they’re feeling, or even seeing themselves reflected in ways never thought possible before in media, which can clear up so much for them and give trans people clarity with who they are - an absolutely beautiful thing that should not be taken for granted or pushed as ‘forcing people to become trans’ cause that latter shit’s just not true.

but that’s the key factor - community, affirming media, that is a personal awakening, and can be shared in different ways to the people you love and want to connect to. this can’t be applied the same way to a celebrity as you don’t know them personally and are not a part of their community - so trying to pin down ways they might be a certain identity is fruitless, because ‘signs’ may be common but are ultimately different for everyone queer, and just lead to frustration for many because of the lack of explicit details we aren’t owed either way.

however i also see people that have this mindset lean far too much into the denial of anything queer in gerard’s (and by extension mcr’s) art and expression, which opens its own shit can of worms. no, gerard isn’t (exclusively) a guy. he’s referred to themself as a girl, a boy and a girl at once, and finds much inspiration and identity in Joan of arc, and who are we to judge how much of that is figurative or literal? whatever the case, there is so much joy that can be taken in what we perceive as their greater freedom in expressing themself nowadays, and shouldn’t be bogged down by presuming hed be offended by some she/her-ing or trying to pin their identity down when they have indeed stated labels seem more like a tool to them than genuine indicators of identity - which is likely why they refer to themselves as they feel.

now writing this I feel funny I’ve taken this long on the subject cause at the core, Gerard’s just an individual. they aren’t god, and we’re just people out in the world and behind screens finding ways to see we’re not alone. I think being aware of our parasocialism and embracing how we percieve not just this artist, but all artists among the queer spectrums as our own art based upon theirs and their stories. there are so, so many artists and storytellers out there that have diverse identities, these experiences that we can celebrate in addition to this one - some we can directly connect to and contribute to.

I’m not sure what this turned into. at first it was frustration with this discourse and why it even exists and now ending with a bit of grounding and re-realisation of how varied and lovely the queer experience is. and a lingering feeling as to why this discourse exists. this obviously won’t stop it but I’ve been seeing so much about it recently that I think processing it proper will help me lose frustration and instead feel some joy, and if you somehow read through all of this and thought it was okay, I hope that there is more joy in your day too.

tldr: gerard discourse frustrates me so i point out that both the insistence of certain identities when the subject is unlabelled and the rejection of queer themes and experiences in their art are bad and how community / parasocialism can play a lot into this, then making an affirmation to embrace what we feel about what inspires us as our own art.