#making a joke about homestuck horns here before any of you can

[mellohiizz]

kindly requests mane and flame art (i want to see your flame design so bad im feral

this took me way too long. my pc almost died like 5 times while i was drawing this. you're welcome.

[kat-of-seventy-seven-roses]

Homestuck Mythical Creature au / Cryptid Au

Very tempted to make an ask blop :p need to see if anyones inch rested

thought processes under the cut (bc some choices are wild)

Johns a pooka, an irish fae trickster who shapeshifts into animals. his favorite form is the bunny. john and jane are both fae, so their pranks range from harmless to mentally scaring to life altering. absolute chaos grimlins. dirk is also an irish myth, so he knows them well and is often trying to get them to not ruin the local population of humans. so they do pranks on him insted. john loves to steal dirks head and hide it places.

rose speaks to the eldritch horrors and is slowly becoming one herself. she wants to become a litch.

Dave is a harpy! a very chill one who doesn't tend to sing with his full chest, so people dont start crashing into his doorstep. dave dies in some magic accident that caused davesprite to rise up from the ashes. but dave harpy is ALSO fine no ones really sure how. may have been roses doing.

Jade is a werewolf obv. but shes also a witch and has formed a coven with rose and roxy.

Jane is ur avrage fae faerie/sprite. her favorite fae rule to get people to break is "dont eat their food."

Roxy is both a cat who is also a wizard i need not elaborate

Dirk is a headless horseman. not to be confused with THE headless horse man. thats another dullhan with a well paying halloween gig. dirk is often subject to losing his head, so he made a magic pumpkin to pilot the body when this happens. he does have a very large and scary but beautiful horse.

Jake is the bigfoot. and one of the most well hunted (and well travled) cryptids. thus, his friends often make jokes of not ever seeing him except in blurry images. its not his fault hes very large and loves to travel! and is also not very photogenic...

Aradia is a monthra!!! however she made a deal with a devil and became a ghost... not sure WHY yet or why it kills her. but it does. its all in her plan or smth, but that doesnt stop sollux from being very upset that hes the one that has to take and keep her soul. she is reserected later by the coven, still soulless but it doesnt matter bc her soul is in good hands and thus she still feels it. shes much happier now.

Tavros is a minotar self explanatory he is a small minotar, tho. a mini minotar if u will.

Sollux is ur run of the mill soul for potato chip demon. an excuse to give him twin tails and horns. him an kitkat gave me the most trouble! but then i went with a solkat devil angel motifi and im kinda attached t9 it now. even if its sorta a cop out. i simply couldnt find twin creatures that werent gods or children of gods. nor any crab creatures...

Karkat is an angel. he WAS human notably he was human for awhile even good friends with kanaya before he died. he never found love but helped so many with theres that he became an angel that was a lot like cupid. thus he was a small angel incharge of match making and also likened to a baby and hes very much NOT happy about this. it pisses him off, solluxs often gives him a hard time. about it. (extra angst is that kitkats also really fucked up about never knowing what love felt like but having to give it to others. and he has it in his head that that means he never will know, bc no ones matchmaking the matchmaker. but theres a song he hears everyonece anwhile by a stray harpy that makes him feel a lot lighter.)

Nepeta is my go to cat creature a nekomata. a two tailed cat yokai.

Kanaya is a vampire. obviously.

Terezi is a dragon! still blind! still licks. but can now transform and has wings, very scary. shes basiclly just her lusus lmao.

Vriska is a spider lady. i have arachne here bc its similar, but shes not arachne the myth proper. shes just a spider with the top part of a woman at the head. A Jorogumo a spider lady yokai and is basically actually what im picturing.

Equius is a centar and fuck if i ever have to draw him....

Gamzee is a clowwwn, just a clown, just a silly lil guy. What do you MEAN clowns arnt mythical creatures??? what do u mean u saw him under ur bed when you were a child? u must be mistaken. as a nod to ICPs boogieman. when gamzee is not high as a kite and is just a clown, he is one of the most terrifying and unkillable creatures known to children kind.

Eridan is a selkie. basiclly a mermaid but part seal. personally, I'd like to make him part seahorse. but not in the hippocampus way. i chose this bc he can shapeshift, thus he pretends to be a high elf sorcerer, yes he does get dunked on about this.

And finally, Feferi is a siren! who happens to be able to become very VERY **VERY** BIG. she doesnt lure people to drown them but she DOES love to keep live captives in cages :)

[everythingfromdust]

What Homestuck is About

I don’t remember writing this, I never finished writing this, and I just found it in my drafts. If you asked me today to come up with what homestuck is about I would not be able to go into this level of detail at all. here you go.

the post;

As told by someone who hasn’t read Homestuck.

Before I begin, lets go over my Homestuck experience. At some point in like 2010 probably people got obsessed with zodiac symbols for some reason, and also candy corn horns. I saw them around and they did not affect me in any way. A few years ago I was commissioned to draw Homestuck fanart, I was linked a video of nonsense about some dude who controlled planets with his veins maybe. This was for inspiration for the drawing. I drew fanart, they liked it. After that happened I found out that I had been drawing other Homestuck fanart by commission, about a green planet or something, this was a surprise to me. I found this strange, told my friend who liked Homestuck and he told me to read it. I read the first few pages and got bored, I am sorry to your fandom, it just wasn’t my thing. What was my thing, was reading random-ass theories about Homestuck and looking at fanart as it came on my dashboard.

Now, with that in mind, here is what Homestuck is about...

Homestuck is a webcomic about 4 teenagers, Dave, Rose, Karkat (Online handle?) and Egbert. Egbert and Rose are the same age, they are friends by convenience but don’t have a lot in common. Dave is Egbert’s cool older brother who is also an asshole sometimes but only to hide his fragile ego. Karkat is a loner type who is sarcastic. Rose has a crush on Karkat but they have never met in person. Rose is also very sarcastic, but hers is more mean spirited while Karkat is just defensive with a kind heart. 

Karkat is way more into videogames than the rest of them, and ends up being the ‘leader’ of the group, ironically as most of her motivation is to be alone. However, Rose likes her, so she follows Karkat’s lead with regards to what games they play online, Egbert follows Rose because he doesn’t have other friends, Dave has to keep an eye on his little brother so follows them on their adventures reluctantly (but slowly learns to be part of the group). The first story arc establishes the characters and the world. The viewer interacts with these characters through the occasional videogame interface but mostly a webcomic format. The characters are very meta and self aware which is funny without getting into too much action before...

Suprise plot twist Karkat realizes they have been playing a game copy of their own lives within a webcomic/web-game thing. We find out later that she suspected this all along and only wanted to be alone because she thought everyone else was a simulation. 

Almost immediately Dave thinks that this plot twist is stupid, and the meta commentary on Homestuck itself reaches new sarcastic heights. The fandom takes this idea and runs with it, causing many fans to insist that Homestuck sucks. 

When they break into ‘reality’ Karkat is shocked to find that the other three have come as well. Thus begins her overarching subplot of learning to trust others and believing she can fall in love with Rose. Karkat and Rose question still if this reality is really the real one. Spoiler: It isn’t. While they try to discover the why and how of their situation Egbert is busy altering the code of the game to give himself insane powers and become ‘god tier.’ Dave is doing stuff to, but I think it’s mostly just fucking off and making jokes. 

There are monsters called trolls with candy-corn-horns at some point, but I’m lead to believe that they aren’t actually a big part of the story even though they are widely loved by fans. They probably happen early on in the story which is why they are fairly iconic for the series. The trolls are sentient too, each represents a sign of the zodiac, and each main character has a troll that is ‘them’ in an alternate game reality. So there are 4 trolls that represent the main characters, and this is symbolic somehow especially when you think about the 8 trolls who have no ‘main character’ components. 

Insane Clown Posse is involved somehow but I don’t understand if they are plot relevant or just a joke that the comic creator likes to fall back on. 

So anyway, eventually all the characters go god tier, they have to figure out their own personal way to get there and I bet it is really plot heavy and long. They can control the base code of the game, and they all start fighting with one another. 

The plot gets really huge in scope, as they find that their simulated reality 

[bucketogrubsarchive]

Quick Fire Facts about the muses!

(Editor Beezie here aka the mun: I will be doing small quick fires of the muses of this blog. This will include upcoming ones too. Just a few four headcanon facts about the guys.These are the official headcanon of the fantrolls in this blog. There is more facts about the trolls but these are the only facts I can tell you without spoiling their whole backstories. If you wish to know more about the mueses please send in a ask and find out. )

Calice Wahron 

.Calice makes her own paints at home by mixing flowers,precious stones and clay hence the name dirt paintings or rivercolors.

 Calice is highly allergic to salt water, because of her genetic mutation of an olive with sea dweller gills and fins.

 Her horns are based off the clovers of the bermuda buttercup or the buttercup oxalis that grow in winter months in the state I’m in and they’re my favorite flower.  While her design is slightly based on the book Winds in the willow. 

 Calice’s sign is the mun’s homestuck zodiac sign. 

Eponia Hompis 

 Eponia was originally a ship baby between two canon characters that the mun no longer ships. But still show a little bit of the ship what she was formally was once in a while whenever interacting with others or in rps.

 Yes the mun is fully aware she’s been writing Eponia’s name like this ‘Epoina’ she’s just too lazy to fix it now. 

Eponia’s current  design was originally adopt  for a flower theme of  trolls. Her flower  being irises. But I fell in love with her design and kept her. 

Eponia can make extremely fluffy jiggly  grubcakes aka pancakes which she often sees as a failure. 

Kimaoi Midria

Like Eponia Kimaoi was going to be a grubling adoption, her design was a bronze grub with vitiligo and rabbit tail. But I decided to scrap the bunny tail and keep Kimaoi for myself.

 Kimaoi’s name is the combination of kimo kawaii meaning and please correct me if I am wrong in the comments. It looks a little creepy but cute.

 If you guys hadn’t noticed Kimaoi had a few scars on her legs, meaning she had self harmed herself in the past, due to having dealt with depression and had trauma with abuse. And still recovering at her own pace to self love again.

Like the words for her name, Kimaoi loves everything spooky and scary. Basically halloween is her Christmas. She loves it and finds what we see as big scary monsters to Kimi she sees puppy. ( The mun is no better if facing monsters or dinosaurs and willing to call them puppies)

Kotton Poplus

Kotton is at this moment is one of two  out of the ask group that has their pale quadrant filled.

Kotton was suppose to be a ship baby from two canon characters but got scrapped and the mun doesn’t ship anymore. But like Epoina, it's hinted who they were who turned Kotton into a clown loving puffball who doesn’t know too much of the rules between limes and purples.

 Kotton’s name is the combination of Kitten and Cotton Candy, Hence why she appears to be extremely hyper and overly positive to some situations. 

Kotton and her morial are the youngest of the adults trolls, both being 8.77 aka 19 years old. And yes she is the party girl of the cast.

Mariot Lotora

Mariot is the only one out of the group at this moment who has their red quadrant filled and is the mama of Macleo.

 Mariot’s name is the combination of two Agatha Christie's characters miss Marple and Hercules Poirot.

Mariot had gone through probably the most design changes out of the group currently. 

Is the main mom friend of the group to make sure the younger jades in the caverns are not sneaking off or bringing something back to the caverns. This goes double with the ask cast too.

Mairuz Panais 

 Mairzu is one of my oldest oc characters, not by age but who came first in the large group when being created. he, Nefiri and Rafina were the big ogs before everyone else was created.  And went through a massive design and character change before making his appearance on the blog. 

Mairzu’s name is a play on words of the italian almond  candy marzipan.

Whenever Mairzu becomes scared or excited he would start to smell like someone’s favorite candy for the whole day. This is from an inside joke me and a friend have about Mairzu due to his namesake.  

Whenever Mairzu becomes flustered or has a crush on someone will do the goofy’s very loudly hyuck. He is very embarrassed about it.

Nefiri Bastia

Nefiri is from a very long line of huntresses/tribe leaders. Where her traditions is where both eggs from blackrom and redrom are at risk from the other mate in the chief's black and red quadrant. Nefiri’s egg is the only known recorded redrom egg in the bloodline.  

Nefiri is the old lost friend of @ask-swagger-dagger-trolls’s oc Jamari, she is not part of his quadrant. She did had  two of her quadrants filled before losing them to a rival tribe forcing her into exile.  Making her quadrants empty.

 If she really likes you, Nefiri will lick your cheek or rub her head against you much like how a big cat greets their keeper. Or full on big cat hug which she tends to forget how strong she is at times. And if Nef has red feelings to someone she will bring dead animals and extremely affectionate to them. 

Nefiri does not know how modern society works at all. If you put her in a city setting, she will become extremely tense and nervous about it. Hell she is kinda the reason if someone has some sort of new tech and its someone she’s close to. Yeah.. She’ll see it as a threat and will destroy it. 

Nixiie Apilon 

 Nixiie has a babyface, meaning she is easily mistaken to be younger than her actual age. She is 10.62 aka 23 in human years at this moment since her wiggling day is in the spring.

To Nixiie she sees any jade in caverns she’s in as family/teachers. For example @princeofdoomrps Viktor, Nixiie calls him a teacher if she knows he is not part of her cavern while with @faithlines ‘s Lacuna she is not sure in that department so big sister teacher. And feels extremely guilty if a higher authority jade sees her and she thinks she’s in trouble like anyone of us would towards our own family,teachers or bosses fearing we will be punished or be a disappointment to them.

Nixiie’s name is the combination of Pixie and Nymph two magical creatures of folklore and her horns and wings are based off of the lunar moth. But went through a lot of design changes before taking in another grub adopt and turn it into Nixiie today. And like a moth to a flame if Nixiie sees something new or is extremely excited she will go after it.  

Nixiie doesn't eat meat, she will drink troll blood but will not touch anything that is made from an animal. She’s pretty much the vegan girl of the group.

Pohkin Boines 

Pohkin wears a corset under her clothes and will deny it if someone asks if she does wear it. This goes double for the weave. And bust size. 

Pohkin was held to a high standard by her lusus when being raised  to become a regel and lady of high blood society  and look down at her fellow low caste even in her own. 

Pohkin carries around a very sharp and large syringe and will use it on anyone she either deems as a riff raff or a threat. However she’s not that strong. Cunning yes, but has no muscles. 

Pohkin is at this moment tends to scare the mun and bullies me often whenever something silly comes her way. For example being put in an outfit like idk a chicken suit or something that shows way too much skin.

Rafina Uymumi

 Rafina is a run away troll, to get away from her overly controlling lusus. She ran away and joined the circus sort of speak.

She is extremely flexible, able to bend and  walk on her hands with ease and stay that way for a while before standing on her feet again. 

Originally Rafina was going to be a shut in underwater  writer for her blog for fantasy stories, but I didn’t think that would be a good fit for her. I wanted to give her the little mermaid story where Ariel wanted to go to the human world for her own means and not for a prince. But, still writes just for herself and refuse to show it to anyone.

 Rafina’s performances either contains  acrobatics gymnastics,belly dances or pole dances. Depending what’s on the line up or who’s the audience for the evening.

[gal-liveblogs]

A parting gift from an old flame, it was given to one of my splinters in a distant timeline before ending up in my posession via lots of complicated shit that I don't wanna get into.

O.K. So someone gave some version of Dirk Hussie painting of a quarterback fighting a horse. I have an intense desire to know who.

"Dear Dirk, In memory of our precious time together. When you look at it, think of me, and be reminded that while we breathe, we Hope." -B.O

Oh fuck me, it was Obama. Jesus Christ, I can’t.

O.K., I had been wondering what this stuff in the corner was, but didn’t comment as I couldn’t think of how to describe them. Now, though, we have a bigger picture and that’s a cherub paint set and an old troll horn headband. Probably Calliope’s stuff.

This set of paints and the charred remains of my HORNED HEADBAND are the only surviving relics of the first and last WORLDWIDE INTERSPECIES ROLEPLAYING SESSION we ever attempted on Earth C.

Oh. Not Calliope’s. They are, in fact, Dirk’s. The Interspecies Roleplaying Session was probably orchestrated by Calliope, though.

Calliope got it into their head that dressing up in cosplay would be a fun community activity.

Right on the money!

In other news Dirk’s trollsona has a unicorn horn. So it’s not that the headband was tilted and the other horn was hidden behind the paint set like I thought. Also Dave’s trollsona has dick horns. I am not surprised. Weird how Dirk, Dave, and Rose didn’t bother to give themselves black hair. Rose gave herself yellow scleras, but couldn’t commit to the black hair it seems.

Vantas had some very uncharitable things to say about the idea, and for once in his life I think he was right.

I mean, it’s like when white people dress as Native Americans for Halloween. I can understand his anger. Though even if he didn’t have a good reason Karkat would have still been angry, I’m sure.

Plants are basically the ideal friends. They don't constantly question your decisions, or try and undermine your authority, or suggest that perhaps you should try talking about your feelings every once in a while.

I think Dirk’s issue with Homestuck getting too feelings-y was that he doesn’t like talking about his own feelings.

Wait. Does Terezi have some form of narrative control? She made it clear in one of the Epilogues that she was aware of Dirk’s narration. I’m going to assume that while Terezi herself can’t narrate, she can submit commands.

DIRK: I see you've found the command terminal.

Oh. So she can submit commands not through her own power, but because there’s one of those exile command terminals things on this ship. O.K. They have everything else on this ship, might as well have one of those too.

TEREZI: 1T S33MS TO M3 L1K3 L3TT1NG M3 BOSS YOU 4ROUND FOR 4 F3W M1NUT3S 1S TH3 L34ST YOU COULD DO TO M4K3 UP FOR WH4T PROB4BLY 4MOUNTS TO TH3 MOST BOR1NG 1NT3RG4L4CT1C VOY4G3 1N TH3 H1STORY OF SP4C3 TR4V3L

I don’t know, I think Jade’s voyage after Davesprite and John blew up might be a good contender for that title. Then again Jade had practice not having anyone with a degree of intelligence around to talk to. Then again she still had the internet on her island and could talk to her friends, unlike on the Prospit ship.

TEREZI: 4ND CONS1D3R1NG TH4T ON3 OF MY TWO PR1OR 3XP3R13NC3S 1NVOLV3D SCOUR1NG TH3 FR4CTUR3D, D1S1NT3GR4TING CORPS3 OF P4R4DOX SP4C3 FOR... WH4T F3LT L1K3 4N 3T3RN1TY,

Oh yeah, I guess that would also be a contender too.

DIRK: What, Heart and Mind?

TEREZI: M1ND 4ND H34RT, Y3S

I have a feeling Terezi purposefully switched them around to make her aspect first and to just be a tiny annoyance to Dirk.

Dirk, how dare you use Complacency of the Learned to even out a chair! Does Rose know you’re using her book like that?

> L1B3R4T3 L4LOND14N L1BR4RY

Thank you, Terezi.

TEREZI: DO3S ROS3 KNOW YOUV3 B33N US1NG ON3 OF H3R NOV3LS TO PROP UP TH4T DISGUST1NGLY T4CKY CH41R?

Terezi and I are one.

DIRK: (I captchalogue the book into my MSPA MODUS. Forget HASH MAPS, PICTIONARY, or any of that shit. This thing is where it's at.)

What the FUCK does MSPA Modus entail???

TEREZI: 4W WH4T TH3 H3LL

TEREZI: TH3 CH41R W4S SUPPOS3D TO F4LL OV3R

DIRK: I'm not sure I understand. Why would it? The four legs are all touching the floor.

TEREZI: ...

DIRK: Try not to think about it too hard.

Ha!

TEREZI: FOR SOM3ON3 WHO CL41MS TO KNOW 4 LOT 4BOUT JOK3S YOU SUR3 H4V3 CONT1NU3D TO S4Y B4S1C4LLY NOTH1NG FUNNY 3V3R

Oooh, burn! When I get around to doing my fourth read of Homestuck I’ll have to tally any instances of Dirk telling a funny joke just to see if this holds up.

For a second there I was really confused over what fractal nonsense was happening here, but then I remembered Dirk is controlling the narrative. That includes the pictures, not just the text.

DIRK: Not many really understand that when pleasure is taken seriously enough, it can easily mimic the appearance of business, just as when irony is practiced with enough passion, it becomes indistinguishable from sincerity.

So Dirk’s idea of loosening up and having fun, whether for the irony or sincerity of it, is drawing himself in romantic situations with Jake. Yeah, that pans out.

(Seriously, why is Jake such a heartthrob? John is described as dorky looking and he and Jake are practically carbon copies.)

TEREZI: DO YOU... W4NT TO T4LK 4BOUT 1T...?

DIRK: Absolutely the fuck not.

Terezi, did you seriously expect him to answer with anything else?

This feels like a meme image.

TEREZI: TH4TS TH3 ON3 TH1NG 1 4LW4YS FOUND D1FF1CULT 4BOUT M4K1NG COM1CS W1TH D4V3

TEREZI: YOU H4V3 TO DR4W 333333V3RYTH1NG >:[

God, hard agree. This is why I could never have a comic. As much as I’d like to I just get burnt out with all that tedious drawing.

DIRK: Exactly. But sometimes, visuals are just a more effective way of doing things.

DIRK: So finding the right combination of words and pictures to communicate an idea efficiently is where the artistry lies.

DIRK: And sometimes that means dispensing with one or the other entirely when appropriate.

See, this is why the Homestuck style comic is so interesting. I don’t think other comics combined panels and text like Homestuck did, and now there are so many copies of the style out there!

Woah, I feel like I just got whiplash with the disappearance of the panels!

For the sake of precedent, I'm saying that we can cloak the visuals entirely and continue with narration alone, replacing the panel with a block of text like this, which we can call a “prattle” from now on.

Right, so when we go into a more book-like format it’s a prattle. Got it. Good name, since it’s just Dirk droning on to himself.

So then Dirk narrates Terezi using the command terminal to get him to do a slew of bizarre actions. He says it’s to show how much can be done in a short amount of time (a single block of text as opposed to 50 panels), but I have a feeling the real reason is so that we, the readers, don’t actually get to see him doing any of this stuff. He doesn;t get an audience to such an embarrassing display and he gets to rub our faces in it.

She has me undertake the most intense workout routine paradox space has ever seen, all while whistling the entire discography of the Swedish pop group ABBA, which she's taken a liking to recently for some god forsaken reason.

Terezi likes ABBA? That’s amazing. I need a video of Terezi singing and dancing along with Dancing Queen now.

(... And which coincidentally was a favorite cultural weapon of Her Imperious Condescension back on Earth, centuries ago. Mamma Mia in particular was repurposed as a sugar-coated propagandist piece, calling for worldwide submission to the Batterwitch's dictatorship. "My my, how can I resist ya," as the old saying goes.)

HOLY SHIT. Now I just had a headcanon that all trolls love ABBA.

DIRK: I told you I could have fun.

TEREZI: Y34H YOU SUR3 SHOW3ED M3 1 GU3SS

Dirk, are you saying Terezi purposefully trying to torture you was actually fun? ... Are you secretly a masochist? Do you... Do you like being bossed around and forced to do ridiculous stunts? I am learning so many things about Dirk I never expected.

TEREZI: WH4TS TH1S TH1NG OV3R 1N TH3 CORN3R

TEREZI: UND3RN34TH TH1S B1G SH33T TH1NG

DIRK: Don't look in there.

TEREZI: OH SHHHH 1M ONLY T4K1NG 4 P33K

DIRK: Terezi.

DIRK: Listen to me.

TEREZI: 1M JUST L1FT1NG UP TH3 COV3R 4 L1TTL3 W4YS!!!!

DIRK: Terezi please stop talking right now.

TEREZI: D1RK HOLY SH1T

TEREZI: W

Well that sounds sinister. With Dirk I would think ti was a robot of some kind, but given his new hobby of collecting things from various timelines and his skill in building it could literally be anything.

At first I was confused at the three panels that follow, showing Dirk’s room in disarray, but then I rememebered that Dirk did a whole bunch of shit we didn’t get to see because we were in Book Time.

ROSEBOT: So, I guess today is finally the day everything's been heading towards.

I honestly thought she was going to say “today is finally the day we fuck everything up”. Not sure if the actual line counts as a callback or not now.

ROSEBOT: Instead, it feels like the very notion of fortune is simply out of the question as a means of describing the potential outcome.

ROSEBOT: As though in this moment, luck isn't either strictly real or not real, or somewhere inbetween, but absent of meaning completely.

ROSEBOT: Luck took one look at our itinerary from here on out and said you'll just have to go on without me.

So it’s Schrödinger's Luck of Who Gives a Shit? Been reading so much Dirk I tried to channel my inner Strider there. Moving on I feel like this is a very bad situation for Rose to be in. Her Aspect is luck, so what does it mean for her when she’s in a position like this?

ROSEBOT: You aren't going to believe this, but it turns out that the deranged horny ramblings of a spurned anime-obsessive have essentially no therapeutic properties whatsoever.

Rose is a gift.

I wish I could copy and paste Dirk’s whole spiel about the ocean, both literal and metaphorical, but since it’s Dirk it’s just way too long. Suffice to say I thought it was some lovely writing and really got the the meat of who Dirk is as a character. His loneliness, his fear, his eventual peace, what it means to be an ascended Prince of Heart. Good stuff.

DIRK: What's that noise I'm hearing.

DIRK: It sounds a little bit like a cat being caught in a ventilation fan. A sort of...

DIRK: Inhuman screeching, combined with the grinding of metal.

DIRK: Are we even going to make it to the ground?

ROSEBOT: Oh, no,

ROSEBOT: The ship's fine as far as I can tell.

ROSEBOT: That's just Terezi laughing.

Terezi is also a gift.

Then we end with a rather pretty image of the ship coming in for a crash landing on an Earth-like planet. I would share it, but it’s a tall panel and this post is long enough as it is. Very curious what this planet is. I would guess it might be a Earth, but the landmasses don’t look like any on Earth. Could be artistic license,  but I feel like we have too many Earths as it is. Let’s get some new planets up in here!

[lettersofsky]

DistantPastZine - The Summoner - Bury Your Friends

The second Summoner piece I wrote for the @distantpastzine

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning:No Archive Warnings Apply Fandom:Homestuck Characters:The Summoner (Homestuck) | Original Troll Character(s) (Homestuck) Additional Tags:Discussion of Death | Grieving Language:English

At the end of it all, it’s the memories of us that will carry in the hearts of those that we leave behind

~

The atmosphere immediately after an altercation with the Highbloods was never a pleasant one to experience, Rufioh would readily confirm that much. It was always so… so bittersweet; no victory, no matter how important it was to the rebellion, could ever replace the ache of missing trolls; lives cut away long before they should have been, quadrants and allies wiped away thoughtless and without even the opportunity for that final closure, not helped by them being unable to bury their dead and mourn over everything lost to them. The Highbloods wouldn’t have allowed them to return for the bodies and attempting to bring them back with them was… a death sentence in itself.

So, Rufioh decided he would try to bring them closure however he could.

It was easy to gather up those grown and raised on Cavalreaping, those born into the role like he’d been and given no other choice for what they could have been, as with all of those too low on the spectrum to matter, to breathe the idea into the ear of one and watch it spread through those of them that had remained this long until when he left the camp at the first sight of moonlight it was in accompaniment of at least a dozen other trolls. There’d been more of them once, Rufioh could remember when the rebellion had been made up almost entirely of those that had left with him, unwilling to live and die by the Highbloods’ rule any more, that point was long passed though, they’d been cut down to less than a fraction of what they had once been.

But, Rufioh still thought it was a good thing that so many of them would still come together to do this with him, to remember those that had fallen and try to give them a bit of proper closure the only way they knew how to. Traditions, important things to keep close to yourself, even if they were born from awful and horrible things.

Before, they’d used this tradition to bring peace to those that had gone missing on patrols or been killed by beasts for food. Now... now it was being used for those culled by Highblood claws.

A pretty big difference, or at least it was to Rufioh.

But the tradition was finding new uses in the current circumstances, as different as they were, so he supposed he should be at least a little pleased about that? Maybe? Just the tiniest bit?

He was more than pleased about sticking it to the Highbloods that thought their way was the only way to do things at least, taking a tradition born out of the endless need to keep moving and leaving those that couldn’t keep up behind because of the risk of one’s own skin away from the claws of those that thought themselves better than they were was something Rufioh would encourage until his last breath.

Especially tonight, with numerous of what Rufioh could only call losses despite Mindfang’s and even Darkleer’s assurances otherwise. Losing over half of the battle party would never be an equal trade for some inconvenience to the Highbloods, not to Rufioh at least. But then again, he supposed that was just another difference between himself and the two colder-running individuals that were supporting his rebellion.

Rufioh refused to think of any of the trolls they’d lost as a ‘necessary statistic’. And that was, he supposed, what the tradition was about at its core.

Remembering, grieving, acknowledging that there’d been a troll once that there just wasn’t anymore. Names etched into bone and buried with the hopes that those attached to them might find some semblance of peace through the action.

There were barely more than a dozen of them at the moment, but they’d do their best to give peace to all the trolls they’d lost since they were able to perform it at all.

Or… there were barely a dozen that Rufioh remembered performing the tradition with at different points in the past and one new face that he couldn’t quite recall, a young troll, not even starting his adult molt with horns that branched off similarly to antler-hoofbeast horns.

“Don’t think I’ve uh, seen you at one of these before?” The questioning tilt of his voice was unintentional, but the curious cock of his head wasn’t. He inspected the young troll closer, taking in tired, heavy eyes and hollow cheeks, clothes that didn’t look like they were fitting quite as they should be and a piece of cloth tied around his neck with a sign resulting a barkbeasts pawprint. “New?”

The young troll nodded his response, not quite looking at Rufioh, which was, unfortunately, something he was dealing with more and more often.

“Cool.” Rufioh gave the troll what he hoped was a welcoming and encouraging smile. “Ever done one of these before?”

A shake this time.

“That’s alright, gotta be a uh, a first time for everything.” He softened and gestures towards where the others are all gathering to get started. “And as long as you’ve got a steady hand to carve the names then you’ll uh, you’ll pick it up in no time.”

“Yeah unlike Nervous-Stubfronds Nitram here!” Rufioh didn’t bother to hold himself back from rolling his eyes at Adosja’s cackling add-on, turning his head to give her a look born of long familiarity and deep-rooted comradery.

“I’ve told you I can’t uh, can’t help it!” He shot at the other Cavalreaper, watching the way the young troll looked between them both with wide, unsure eyes. “They just shake sometimes!”

“Don’t worry about Mister ‘one name to every four’, kid.” Adosja strode over to wrap a battle-marred muscular arm around the young troll’s shoulders, jostling him just the slightest amount. “Stick with me and we’ll have you carving bone like a proper survivor in no time.”

“I can carve pretty good like,” the admission was small, quiet and muttered to the ground below them and Rufioh wasn’t gonna have that.

“What was that?” He asked, keeping his voice kind enough for the kid to know he was just teasing. “Sorry, couldn’t uh, couldn’t hear you over Adosja’s ego there.”

“Like you’re one to talk!”

It worked well enough though, got the kid to chuckle at them at least.

“I’m pretty good at carving,” he repeated, louder and actually talking to them this time. “We used to practice when we had time.”

“Well uh, practice does make perfect after all.” Rufioh ignored the scoffed ‘usually’ that came from Adosja to turn to where the others were waiting for them so they could divide up the work and get started. “Come on uh,” a pause as he turned back to the kid, one horn lifting skywards as he continued. “Forgot to uh, to ask what your name was. I meant to do that somewhere uh, somewhere in there.”

“Pyionr. Pyionr Luffit.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Rufioh Nitram and that’s-“

“Adosja Verdes.” She finished before Rufioh was able to, grinning impishly down at Pyionr. “Look at you, just got here and you’re already on first name basis with The Summoner.”

“Oh shove off.” There wasn’t any heat in his voice though, which was good because Adosja simply responded by sticking her tongue out.

At least the kid didn’t look like he was walking into headfirst The Grand Highblood’s horrid and vile clutches anymore, a definite plus there.

They were accepted into the group of waiting Cavalreapers as if they were returning to where they should have been all the time, slipping into empty space with ease and being integrated into conversation with a seamlessness born of experience. Pyionr was accepted as easily simply for the fact that he was there, without thought or care of whether he had been trained from pupation for the life of a Cavalreaper or not; he was there and he wanted to participate, why send him away?

Names are given out soon enough, passed around from a list of those they recalled and added to whenever they thought of someone they’d almost missed.

Rufioh, who’s apparently been decided to be the butt of some joke today, was given Arniya Desmen to start off with, amongst the snickers and chuckles from those who’d been around long enough to know just how long he’d end up spending on the one name.

“Don’t worry if you’re not too good to start off with,” one of the oldest was telling young Pyionr, smile kind and showing none of his own almost death at the claws of an infection that had sprouted from a wound during the last fight. “There’s no way you’ll take as long as Nitram does.”

“Hush some of us are uh, are trying to concentrate.” Rufioh kept his head down, focus entirely on the bone in his hand as he started on that first ‘A’. He didn’t hear the kid’s answer but it must have been a good one since it got a few well-meaning snickers from those around him.

“Who the fuck was Prusan again?” Adosja questioned as she worked, barely needing to look at her hand to get the letters looking pristine and perfect in their form. “I don’t remember that name.”

“Wow great uh, great job at that Verdes.”

“Do you remember them Nitram?”

“Not that uh, not that name no, but that’s not the point.”

“Oh my -“

“I think they were a bronze?” Their banter was cut off by one of the others gathered there, a younger troll with hair matted and gathered into a careless bun, horns a straight line until they jutted forward and split either way. “Weren’t they the one with the… I wanna say horizontal horns that curved down? Was that them?”

“Nah that was Sylyyx.” Adosja waves off, bringing her hand up to her face as she thought, giving Rufioh time to focus on starting in making the ‘n’ he was up to actually look like a ‘n’. “Sylyyx was a tough little bint that wouldn’t take shit from anyone.”

There’s a murmur of agreement from everyone, that sounds right for her.

“... wait,” that came from somewhere to Rufioh’s other side, on a voice he’d only heard a few times before. “Was that Daggerface?”

“FUCKING YEAH IT WAS!” Adosja then proceeded to break into mad cackles, loud and obnoxious and entirely herself. “Fuck no wonder he preferred Daggerface, the cheeky barkbeast.” She then returned to work, completely content with knowing who’s name she was working on.

“... why was he called ‘Daggerface’?” Rufioh blinked at the quiet, hesitant question, lifting his head to look at Pyionr.

“Right you wouldn’t know,” Adosja hummed, turning to look at Rufioh. “How about our fearless leader tell you? Leave the rest of us to actually get some work done.”

“You just want to uh, to hear me talk. You can uh, you can admit it, you’re amongst friends.” Rufioh ignored the new series of chuckles that got, focusing on Pyionr who was starting to look like he might regret having asked the question. “When we found him and his claude he was uh, was biting down on two daggers to use as uh, to use as weapons. Cause his, his hands had been broken by a bunch of Ceruleans that didn’t uh, didn’t like that he wasn’t just going to stand back while they uh, while they bothered his moirail.”

“He was a mad barkbeast, fucking sick as.”

“...that uh, that too I guess.” Rufioh added on, rolling his eyes as Adosja made a show of placing down her first finished name and starting on another before Rufioh had even finished the first name of his one.

“Oh.” Pyionr blinked, looking down at the name he’d almost finished himself. “What about this guy? Poluxi Actias?”

“He and Adosja used to yell at each other across uh, across camp to prove who was the loudest.” Rufioh gave the answer so seriously that Pyionr almost believed it, if not for Adosja’s snorted disagreement behind him.

“If anyone screamed with him it was you at those planning meetings.” She rolled her eyes, nudging Pyionr lightly. “Poluxi let everyone know when he wasn’t happy.”

“Yeah he uh, he did,” Rufioh agreed with a chuckle. The number of times he’d have to stop and pause things just because of the gold were too numerous to count. “He was good sort though. I could uh, could always depend on him to be uh, to be honest with me when I needed it.”

The kid nodded and they all lapse into a comfortable quiet as they work, the night air filled with only the sound of knives on bone.

Rufioh finally finished with the first name he’d been given and hummed a proud noise to himself, looking it over once more just to make sure it was up to stuff. Yeah, he thought that Arniya would have been happy with that one. One of the dying breed that was trolls that didn’t get caught up in that whole The Summoner excitement, lost to a clown with a particularly vicious agenda.

Hopefully this would help them, and all they’d lost, find some kind of peace. Rufioh could only hope.

If not for them then for him. Being the one to lead so many trolls to their deaths was hard enough, he needed to do something to help make their after-existence easier on them.

He looked up as he was reaching for another bone, eyes landing on the kid. The young troll was unusually still, limbs holding a stiffness Rufioh recognized as holding things back.

He shifted to sit next to the kid, nudging him gently with his elbow. “What’s up?” He kept his voice low, an indication that the rest of the group should continue with their own work and give the illusion of ignoring Rufioh talking to the young troll.

“Karsya…” the kid’s voice was tight, barely held together.

Rufioh looked between the kid’s hidden face and the empty bone in his hands, putting two and two together.

“Someone you knew?”

“She… held them off while we escaped.” Oh. Pyionr lifted a hand up to rub roughly at his face and Rufioh waited for him to compose himself enough to finish. “I didn’t, didn’t really know her but she… she stayed so that the rest of us could leave and…”

Rufioh waited a few breaths to see if Pyionr was going to say anything more, sighing heavily when it seemed like he wasn’t. “I’m sorry to hear that,” and he was, it was genuinely pumper-shattering to hear tales of those lost in the efforts to protect someone else, even complete and total strangers. “She sounded like a fierce, courageous troll.”

The kid nods, stiff and jerky but it’s enough.

“That’s what we’re out here for isn’t it?” He mused, seeing the kid’s ear flicker towards him from the corner of his eye. “To remember everyone the way they uh, they deserve to be, and give them a bit, a small bit of peace however we can.”

“... yeah.”

“Tell me more about where you came from,” Rufioh offered, picking up a new bone of his own to start working on. One of the others throwing a name at him thoughtlessly. “And how she got you all out. I’m sure she’d uh, she’d appreciate her story being told.”

Pyionr offers a shaky, wet smile and launches into the story of where he’d started and the Olive that had gotten him and the rest of their small number away from the culling about to end them.

Rufioh listened with an eager ear, adding the proper engagement whenever he could. Yeah this was what this whole tradition was all about, memories and sharing the fact that these trolls had been alive once, had lived and done things worth remembering.

And maybe, just maybe, if this rebellion could only hold out and continue the good work it was doing, if maybe there was a day they could stop burying the names of those lost to the Highblood’s uncaring cruelty… maybe all these loses would be worth it.

Rufioh doubted it, but he had to hope for better days.

~

Pyionr Luffit and Adosja Verdes are both ancestors of two of my fantrolls Prusan and Sylyyx come from tabb https://mobile.twitter.com/tabb_lo Arniya Desmen, Poluxi Actias and Karysa Vrison belong to https://twitter.com/art_avery_

[galaxyacerodoesart]

OOOOH BOY. GET READY ‘CUZ HERE COMES ONE LONG ASS POST, FOLKS C’:

OH MY GOD, I can’t believe i’m FINALLY done with this cursed thing. Well… after the first Sanderstuck thing I did, I decided to might as well commit to it fully adlakshdlkahdjah SO. HERE WE HAVE IT. 

FULL SPRITE SHEETS OF EVERYONE IN THIS CURSED SANDERS SIDES AU. THAT IS SANDERSTUCK.

Ok, to be completely honest, Those are all just my ideas and all djsakdjaskdl If you have like, a different God-tier for anyone here,

THAT’S GREAT!

:DD It has actually been a few years since I did some good God-tier Analysis and all, so some of my choices might be weird and stuff, but hey, if it makes at least A LITTLE bit of sense, it’s good for me :v

I don’t think I need to say this AU WOULD have them all as Humans/different beings…right? :’v it should be pretty obvious but still. Being a Human AU AND a Homestuck AU, That’s why they each look different from one another, have more “casual” clothes And the reason to why I changed some stuff, Like, YES. I know, Thomas eyes aren’t anywhere near the mint color I gave him, BUT i a Homestuck AU context it makes sense since Eye color = Text color in HS. I could have given him brown eyes buuuut…Brown text wouldn’t be as fun :’)  So, he gets a nice mint-green color! Oh, and if anyone is curious, Remy eyes are a Silver-grey color! c: Everyone always thought he was blind whenever they looked at him (he isn’t, his eyesight is a bit sensitive to light, but he can see without any problem) so to stop the staring and questions, he decided to just wear glasses all the time. :o

So, In order, We have the sprite sheets of:

Thomas - Patton - Logan - Roman - Virgil - Deceit(Dolian) - Remy - Emile

Now, Under Read more i’ll put some extra info about each sprite, so if you are truly curious go ahead and read it! c: I must say, this definitely was fun pff, Since I was going more deep into this whole thing, I figured I might as well give their trollsonas signs from the canon extended zodiac Even though, someone like Deceit might still keep the original idea I had for him and not show his sign at all, I made him showing in the sprite just for shows c: And I did change Troll!Virgil horns so they would resemble something more like a lightning bolt, due to the thunderstorm cloud that is his symbol!  It was DEFINITELY fun to come up with Emile and Thomas troll desings, since I never did one for them in the past, Thomas being a Bronze blood is simply because…well..he’s a Taurus :’v I was going to make Emile the Bronze Blood first (Not even sure why anymore, Just thought it would fit at first??) but then decided to let Thomas have it and Emile as Mustardblood with psiionics in blue and pink, giving a little nod to both his ties in both cartoon therapy videos c:

Again, this was really fun, pfff If anyone ever want to talk to me about this AU or anything, feel free to! I am mainly doing it for fun, after all c: no matter how cursed I feel it is

Thomas Sprite sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style (AKA. Not that stylized sprite)

“Could be Gayer” Shirt

Steven universe Shirt

RETRIEVE ARMS. (Arms sprite)

Trollsona, Bronze Blood (Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Entrepreneur- Taurnius)

Dreamself, Prospit

God-Tier, Heir of Hope (Hood down)

God-Tier, Heir of Hope (Hood up)

Grimdark

Trickster Form (”Gay Bacon” Theme) The idea came to me out of nowhere and it was TOO GOOD to not use PFFT

Patton Sprite Sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style

Standard/Normal Sprite

Happy boio! (Arms sprite 1)

CAT JACKET ON! (Arms sprite 2)

Trollsona, Jade Blood ( Jade Blood, Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Foundation - Virlo)

Dreamself, Prospit

God-Tier, Maid of Heart Because screw gender-roled GTs (Hood down)

God-Tier, Maid of Heart (Hood up)

Grimdark (welp someone is heartbroken.)

Trickster Form (Sweethearts candy Themed, Would probably be the first one to actually go on Trickster mode.)

Logan Sprite Sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style

Standard/Normal Sprite

“Allow me to pull out the fact to say how wrong you are.” (Arms Sprite)

Trollsona, Teal Blood (True Libra sign - Sign of the Watcher - Libra)

Trollsona, Just for funs, Troll!Logan with canon Terezi Pyrope horns. 

Dreamself, Prospit

God-Tier, Seer of Mind i can’t believe I literally made Logan Terezi, holy fuck(Hood down)

God-Tier, Seer of Mind (Hood up)

Grimdark (a n g e r y  a n d  f r u s t r a t i o n . )

Trickster Form (Crumpets with crofters jelly Themed, Well… looks like it isn’t everyone that can get super hyped on a weird sugar overdose-indulced happiness. Huh. AKA: Logan is Basically Dirk and doesn’t get all hyped like every other trickster.)

Roman Sprite Sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style

Standard/Casual clothes Sprite

Casual Clothes + Arms (Arms Sprite)

Princey outfit

Trollsona, Violet Blood (Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Campaigner- Aquaga)

Dreamself, Derse

God-Tier, Knight of Space (Hood down)

God-Tier, Knight of Space (Hood up)

Grimdark

Trickster Form (Raspberry pie Themed)

Virgil Sprite Sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style (Though it is still rather complex because I didn’t want to get rid of the plaid…pff)

Standard/Normal Sprite

Ow the angst. (Hood Up, Arms sprite 1)

“I’m not ignoring you, it isn’t my fault that my phone is way more interesting than you right now.” (Arms sprite 2)

Trollsona, Purple Blood (Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Bold - Capries) If you think of making a dick joke because of the sign form, just know you are too late as it already has been done by half the homestuck/hiveswap fandom lmao.

Dreamself, Derse

God-Tier, Page of Time (Hood down, Changed outfit because he sure as HECK wasn’t gonna go around wearing no pants.)

God-Tier, Page of Time (Hood up)

Grimdark (Oh look, i’m more dead inside than I already was. Wow.)

Trickster Form (Cotton Candy Themed. Too much positive emotions and completely lack of care surely seem to be rather overwhelming and awful when you deal with stuff like anxiety and paranoia on a daily bases, huh?!)

Deceit (True name in this AU is “Dolian”) Sprite Sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style

Standard/Casual Clothes Sprite

“Why, I certainly have NO IDEA what you mean by that.” (Arms sprite)

Normal Deceit Look

Trollsona, Cerulean Blood (Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Doubtful- Scorittarius)

Dreamself, Derse

God-Tier, Bard of Void (Hood down, and no fucking Cod-piece because I refuse to draw anyone that isn’t the canon HS characters with one, and because Deceit sure as heck wouldn’t wear it if you ask me)

God-Tier, Bard of Void (Hood up)

Grimdark (Someone seems…way too happy with this…)

Trickster Form (Lemons Themed. If you were around the internet before the word “sm u t/ ns f w” was being used, i know what you are thinking… D O N T .)  The famous Twisted happy person.

Remy (Sleep) Sprite Sheet: funfact- Remy is the only one who eyebrows deceive logic and appear on top of his hair, mainly because i didn’t want to lose the chance to present more emotions and expressions to him.

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style

Standard/Normal Sprite

“GUUURL, YOU WOULDN’T GUESS WHERE I AM. But please try to because I personally have no idea how I got here, lol” (Arms Sprite)

Trollsona, (Mutant) Lime Blood (Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Vociferous - Canun)

Trollsona, Would disguise himself as an Olive blood (but never change his sign because he figured no one would be bothered to fucking look that stupid thing up, right?! Oh no, there goes my hive and my lusus is now dead, woops.)

Dreamself, Derse

God-Tier, Thief of Breath (Hood Down)

God-Tier, Thief of Breath (Hood up)

Grimdark

Trickster Form (Frappuccino themed. How does the cup stays in his hair and doesn’t spill or anything?! Trickster Magic.) 

Emile Sprite Sheet:

Standard Black and White Homestuck Style

Normal/Pink Tie Sprite

Blue Tie/Glasses Sprite

THE THERAPIST IS IN AND READY TO GO! (Arms Sprite)

Trollsona, Mustard Blood (Canon extended zodiac - Sign of the Intimate, Gemcer)

Dreamself, Prospit

God-Tier, Sylph of Blood (Hood Down, again, fuck them gendered GTs, slightly modified so it isn’t much of a dress and more like pants, mainly for easier walking/practicality)

God-Tier, Sylph of Blood (Hood up)

Grimdark

Trickster Form (Fizzy bubblegum bottles candy Themed)

[momestuck]

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 5

Eight friends carefully placed in glass jars, and our protagonist is on to their next conquest. So who do we have today?

This time, we have Polypa with olive blood - compare with Nepeta - and Zebruh with indigo blood, the first time we have a repeated blood colour in the game so far, same as Equius.

Going off their looks, I think Polypa is gonna be a Fighting type, and Zebruh is probably some kinda chef...

Polypa

Polypa’s another creation of Ayshah U. Farah. Come to think of it, Ayshah Ufarah would work as a troll name...

We’re walking through the city, and we find a bunch of people fleeing a night market. And then we meet... this person!

I’ve definitely heard this BGM somewhere else in the Homestuck soundtrack... think this is a slightly different mix though. I can’t remember which track off the top of my head ><

Anyway, yellow eyes... two circles... not sure of significance. The major cult/secret organisation we know about in Homestuck canon is that of the Signless/Sufferer (see: ancestors), so that’s something.

She asks us to pretend to be on a date with her.

So her typing quirk is... a markdown list?

We get the choice of playing along or ‘letting the purrbeast out of the bag’, and well... I’m definitely down for troll black bloc shenanigans here.

We ask a few questions, and we learn the commotion is because a highblood troll was killed... and our new friend was the assassin! She’s not got a problem with defying the ‘natural order’. I like her already.

Polypa changes out of her disguise - which includes a filled in notch on her horn, as well as the fake blood colour - and her chatbox changes colour accordingly.

She asks us to pick a hideout. Well, we have a number of friends with hives... but no, it’s either to hide in an apartment or get ‘soft serve grubcream’ and a movie.

The movie sounds amusing, let’s do that one first.

We find a troll mall. Unlike an Earth mall, it’s fully automated.

...’grubcream’ was our idea, though!

Sadly there doesn’t seem to be any background drawn for the mall. There is one for the movie theatre though...

Not having to watch trailers? Wow, that makes up for all the dystopian elements of this world. When do we move?

Polypa, it turns out, has opinions on movies (and she’s read the book). The movie features a Jadeblood in the standard ‘female love interest’ role, in a love triangle with a blue- and bronzeblood, and consequently a bunch of hemospectrum class stuff. Sadly we don’t get a massively long troll movie title joke.

Polypa drops that she used to run a relationship advice blog. But a bunch of trolls broke into her hive, killed her lusus, and left her for dead... she was saved by ‘some teal’ who...

Will we meet this katana-wielding nerd?

Someone tells us off for talking in the theatre and that we should get a room if we want to be all pale. (For those not familiar with Homestuck, ‘pale’ relationships between moirails are non-reproductive relationships, involving emotional support and checking the other’s violent impulses.) We get to see a papping...

So, trolls will go on moirail dates, I guess.

Outside the theatre, Polypa starts freaking out over her partner in crime who was caught by the authorities.

So what do we do when a troll starts freaking out? We play moirail...

And she’s into it and accepts us as her future assassin partner! ...as bait, but still.

So that’s the good end. Now the other routes.

If we don’t play along at first...

...she bugs out.

If we hide in an apartment building (do some trolls not have hives?)... ah, that’s answered. Apparently lowblood trolls get a rental market from ‘hivestems’.

Accordingly, she’s happy to break into one of the apartments. We kick in a door...

This time, unfortunately, we get the news that her contact has been culled sooner. Polypa explains a little about assassin work on Alternia...

Apparently the troll she killed was a seadweller - so a properly high highblood. To kill him, she had to go to some lengths...

The protagonist, needy asshole that they are, takes the opportunity to make an overture as partner. She’s like... lolno

Unfortunately, we can’t finish this discussion, because the occupants of the apartment return. There’s a cute meta joke...

Why is it so bad? Because the guy who lives here is friends with...

...a subjugglator. (If you haven’t read Homestuck, that’s a purple-blooded troll, highest among all land trolls, follower of the Insane Clown Posse-themed religion, and generally very powerful and violent.)

We get away, and it’s mentioned that the subjugglator is the burgundyblood troll’s matesprit, but Polypa’s had about enough of our bullshit plans.

And that’s that. “At least your ass didn’t kill her”, indeed!

I think there may be some kind of John Wick joke here with Polypa? I don’t know, but I wish we could have gotten more time with her.

Zebruh

Now, Zebruh. Zebruh is written by Cee L. Kyle.

We go to the ‘larger, more McMansion-style hives’ part of the city.

The music involves... a xylophone I think? This guy’s quirk seems to be emojis representing the different quadrants associated with what he’s saying. First hearts for a kind comment, then diamonds for an offer to help us.

Auspisticism - a three-way relationship in which a troll third troll mediates conflicts between two other trolls. Though why it’s relevant here I’m not sure.

Then he insults us, and it’s spades. I feel like an Oblivion NPC.

He goes back to hearts to ask us what colour our blood is. Is he gonna keep cycling quadrants constantly? We get our first choice: lie and say it’s a high blood colour, or tell the truth.

Let’s see what happens if we tell the truth...

We get hearts again, and he starts leaning into hitting on us.

Again, I don’t really understand how this is spades. And this...

Wouldn’t this be hearts? I thought I understood quadrants but I guess not!

He invites us back to his hive (diamonds), and we learn that apparently the day is ‘flushed affirmation day’, during which a lot of trolls go about with their matesprits.

This guy's really horny huh. We misunderstand, and remark that we’d be happy to share, and he’s like... yeah I’m totally poly.

I find it interesting how blood caste in this world is taking on a similar role to gender in ours - ‘one dick poly’ and all that.

And this guy’s basically a troll Nice Guy(TM)/chaser fuck.

Like did a trans woman write this? wow lol

This is pretty on the nose lol.

We meet Zebruh’s lusus, which is... a zebra.

As we explore his hive, we see most of the ‘guests’ have been made to work to keep the mansion clean. But oh, this is just how ethical he is...

We get the choice of staying in Zebruh’s little slave colony, ahem, “sanctuary from the harsh injustices of the outside world”... or going out on a date with him. Frankly, neither option seems hugely appealing! But let’s stay in for now.

Noticing that spades come out pretty much whenever he negs us. And maybe clubs come out when he says something reassuring after the neg? No quadrant marker for straight up boasting:

They’ve done a very good job of making this guy skincrawlingly awful.

Anyway our decision hardly mattered, and we’re going out anyway.

We ask him what he’s about and we get some stuttering about ‘social justice and oppression and stuff’ follow by a ‘get on my level’ neg. Yeah... this is razor sharp lol.

Then he hits on us and we have to get him to explain quadrants.

We tell him we just want to be friends. Of course, he’s still very pushy.

Even the narrator comments on how hypocritical he’s being.

We get word of a culling, and Zebruh gets ready to leave. The protagonist has enough of a backbone to object to him not telling anyone...

And then, omfg...

And after we escape...

So yeah, “actually one of the most incisive critiques of scene-leftism comes from the homestuck tie in visual novel...” guess it’s a matter of Know Your Audience, huh.

And then he hits on us again.

The narrator manages to keep saying no, extolling the benefits of friendship...

So I guess that’s how we gain a matesprit matesprit “friend”. We also promise to be an ally for lowblood rights, which is to say, ourselves.

Eeesh. I wonder how much Polypa charges to take out a hit on this guy?

And in the background, the drones are busy culling the lowblood concert. Yeah.

On the nose, sure, but I think this was pretty fucking on point.

Unfortunately, we still have more branches to explore.

First, if we pretend to be a highblood around Zebruh.

“I only want to fuck people I have social power over.” (And yes, that is how heterosexuality works...)

What if we actually ask to go out?

If we ask to go out, he decides he’d rather stay in. I see how it is.

So I’m not sure they’re going to just put us in a rape scene, but they’re definitely making it look like it at this point.

That is, of course, the point he wanted to make.

Ha. That’s a pretty good metaphor, considering the trident is the symbol of the ruling class...

The danger of being quite this on the nose is that those targeted by the critique can shrug and say ‘well I’m not that bad...’

Anyway, we get concerned about one of the ‘guests’, who is clearly sick.

And before long...

A__ and E___ saw some of this text and both of them went ‘eurrgggh’ and shuddered, so this is pretty apt lol.

Honestly I’m only screenshotting about half of this. Honestly they should have led with this guy... this is pointed in a way most of the others aren’t.

Then he starts blaming us for denying the agency of the malnourished troll we saw earlier, and ranting about how he’s oppressed for not getting his quadrants filled. Maybe we can add incel to the list.

So if you’ve read far enough into Homestuck, you’d have met Kankri, who represents a similar critique... but rather misses the mark, and tends to read in a ‘punching down’ rather than ‘punching up’ way, I think. This, however, is spot on.

Oof.

The zebra kicks us out in the end.

So yeah. Huh. Frankly I’m happier with this outcome than the one where we have to be “friends” with Zebruh. Pretty sure this ending’s coming either way!

I would have liked a bit more time with Polypa, but Zebruh is extremely on point, so respect for this episode for that. (And tbh I’m getting some anxiety about whether, and to what degree, I might be a person like Zebruh. But that’s not for this blog.)

[verdigrisprowl]

Sept 24 Dancitron Movie Night - Assassin’s Creed

Prowl wasn’t here because this movie was chock full of so much back-of-the-neck mind-invading.

Today opatoes 7:58 pm /Smokescreen's coming in, much shorter than he was last week but here, at least!/ Kelpy 7:59 pm Fire. opatoes 7:59 pm Soundwave, I need to find you the terrible lifehack videos! NoodlesAtNight 7:59 pm *Soundwave stares at Smokescreen with his arms half full of bowls for the bar.* [[No. No, you don't. ... What in Pit happened to you.]] [[Greetings, Swerve.]] Kelpy 8:00 pm Hey Soundwave. opatoes 8:00 pm ... Every time a greyface hugs me, I shrink by an inch. /He is about 5 feet at the moment./ SCProwl 8:00 pm ((o h my gd whyyyyyyy SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:00 pm *the dragon wanders in, fluffy and bearing treats as always! she got fancy this time, with delicate syrups and intricate carvings, but they're still the tasty dragon treats everyone knows and loves* Hello, Soundwave, Ravage, everyone! Darkscream 8:01 pm [skreeee Chaoit 8:01 pm ((HI! Today Darkscream 8:01 pm [rabbit don't you DARE go to hell on me I swear to Primus NoodlesAtNight 8:01 pm [[Good evening, dragon. And smack them if they insist on hugging you.]] opatoes 8:01 pm /Smokescreen is practically running after the treats!/ MedicalMurdersaurus 8:02 pm *stops outside to roll around in the dust and what not* Kelpy 8:02 pm I had a thought and then I forgot it. opatoes 8:02 pm I would if I could, Soundwave. On the bright side, every time I hug a Cybertronian, I grow an inch, so I guess I need to get really close with someone soon! Darkscream 8:02 pm [*intense squinting at rabbit for the glitching* NoodlesAtNight 8:02 pm [[Don't you dare.]] ((if it's being awful refresh)) opatoes 8:03 pm Don't I dare? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:03 pm *huffs, this is not up to his standards* *promptly stops caring and sprints inside to find Bird* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:04 pm *the dragon puffs up, interposing all tiny feet of herself between Soundwave and Smokescreen* You don't dare! *grr. such fierce. much protect. very power. wow.* NoodlesAtNight 8:04 pm *What an amazing and wonderful dragon. He must find her more butter.* [[Thank you for saving him.]] opatoes 8:04 pm Wait, THAT'S what you're worried about? I'm not gonna hug a bot that doesn't want to be hugged. Darkscream 8:04 pm [Okay it seems to be better now] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm Bird! NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm [[Oh. Good. In that case, enjoy the bar treats.]] *Waves a hand in that direction and sits.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm Bird? NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm {{What?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:05 pm Hi Bird : > NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm {{Hello.}} Chaoit 8:05 pm -trots in, yawning a bit- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:05 pm Good! *the dragon preens herself proudly, before going back to her treat cart and continuing to place them where they belong.* NoodlesAtNight 8:05 pm *Does this Blaster EVER get sleep? Soundwave must wonder.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:06 pm Me Swoop miss You! : > opatoes 8:06 pm Thank you, Soundwave. You don't know how hungry I am right now! /He's practically throwing himself at the bar, ready to help himself!/ Chaoit 8:06 pm -nightmares, Soundwave. They tend to cut sleep short- Kelpy 8:07 pm This video name is very misleading. These are crafts, not life hacks. Why did they lie. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:07 pm ((literally why would you want that)) ((rope covered lightbulbs seem like an invitation to have someone accidentally smash one and cut themselves up)) opatoes 8:07 pm ((HONESTLY some lifehacks are just... not lifehacks at all opatoes 8:08 pm ... Wait, you can do that? OH Chaoit 8:08 pm ((what the fuck no, don't do that opatoes 8:08 pm Oh, I thought they were replacing the glass or something I want a weird bottle shaped light SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:08 pm ((I'm torn between agreeing or a sarcastic comment on about how not everyone is a pterodactyl with big pterodactyl wings)) opatoes 8:08 pm Idea #1: Static fingers Darkscream 8:10 pm Peers in through the doorway - are they even inside - before coming in. Dipping her wings down to keep them out of the way before coming inside. Huh. There are quite a few more mechs here than she thought. Welp. This is going to be an interesting night! chronosmith 8:12 pm ((omg i love thse crappy 5 minute craft videos)) opatoes 8:12 pm ((i know right chronosmith 8:13 pm *this is the last week of the four weeks his offering of exotic space caviar has awarded him free drinks, Whirl is already up at that bar* opatoes 8:13 pm What kinda statement would it be to just, like, spray yourself in mirror spray? NoodlesAtNight 8:13 pm ((making a food brb opatoes 8:14 pm why pumpkins MedicalMurdersaurus 8:15 pm *rocks back and forth on his heels* Me Swoop want hang out more with You BIrd! Me 8:15 pm ((look at all this shit i am So Ready for the halloween aesthetic holy shit. it's time.)) Kelpy 8:16 pm //lmao opatoes 8:16 pm ((MOOD i should pull out my spider cup Darkscream 8:16 pm [do eit chronosmith 8:16 pm SAME)) Darkscream 8:16 pm [I'd have it out all year opatoes 8:16 pm ((i already have my anatomically incorrect dinosaur and spider skeletons out on display SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:16 pm ((TIME TO GET SPOOKY)) opatoes 8:16 pm ((i do! i'm just not using it rn SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:17 pm ((did that man just hot-glue his hands)) opatoes 8:17 pm ((yes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:17 pm ((fear)) opatoes 8:17 pm ((yeahhh 😔 Kelpy 8:17 pm Those are some weirdly exaggerated scare responses. Do all humans do that MedicalMurdersaurus 8:17 pm *wiggles in his best "pay attention to me" dance, similar to a pee pee dance but a pinch less urgent* opatoes 8:17 pm I think so! ... Ohhh, they're supposed to be worms chronosmith 8:17 pm *peers at the screen dubiously as he continues to mix. The fumes from this Gaugebuster might be deadly. He's going all out* opatoes 8:18 pm I just thought they liked making everything difficult chronosmith 8:18 pm ((IT'S ME)) Darkscream 8:18 pm I've never seen any human do any of this before for Halloween... *Frowns at this nonsense that is going on.* opatoes 8:18 pm w why would you opatoes 8:19 pm ((video is just like "just put hot glue your friend's phone.")) Chaoit 8:19 pm -watching this in confusion- MedicalMurdersaurus 8:19 pm ((If you're going to be a big enough asshole to hot glue shit to the front of my phone, you better have the balls to actually slam a nail through there because I'm coming for you either way.)) Me 8:19 pm ((the most terrifying halloween costume: broken phone.)) Darkscream 8:19 pm [DON'T DO ANY OF THIS SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:19 pm ((you're so valid swoop)) chronosmith 8:19 pm Oh yeah, it's getting to be about that time, isn't it? Hmm. Gotta figure out a way to make my costume work. opatoes 8:19 pm ((... that one brought back memories with the chapstick Me 8:19 pm ((these aren't even halloween, they're just pranks now?)) Kelpy 8:19 pm //gfbfhg tbh Kelpy 8:19 pm //mean ones chronosmith 8:20 pm ((HALLOWEEEEEN pranks. ...buy not really)) opatoes 8:20 pm ... is this how to make homestuck horns)) Me 8:20 pm (("diy cheap-ass homestuck cosplay.")) opatoes 8:20 pm ((EY Kelpy 8:20 pm //p sure that was meant to be maleficient lmao Me 8:20 pm ((well they CLEARLY used the wrong colors)) opatoes 8:20 pm ((its gothstuck MedicalMurdersaurus 8:20 pm *escalates from his "look at me" dance to full on jumping up and down* Me 8:21 pm ((that one's actually pretty tho)) Kelpy 8:21 pm //lmao i just recognized the shape tbh NoodlesAtNight 8:21 pm ((okay bek)) opatoes 8:21 pm ((i knew once they put it on it was maleficent but the whole time i was thinking "homestuck?" 'cause i had to do that for some emergency troll horns once ;; Me 8:21 pm ((omg nice)) opatoes 8:22 pm ((that sentence already says a lot about me i realize but ascxvb the vriska horns i made before broke on me Darkscream 8:22 pm *More wondering why Swoop is jumping around. Staring at him then the video of nonsense.* Me 8:22 pm ((i used that super soft self-drying crayola clay)) opatoes 8:22 pm ((oooo! NoodlesAtNight 8:22 pm *Laserbeak decides to stop waiting to see how long Swoop will escalate the dances before it gets out of hand and waves.* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:22 pm *stops jumping and waves with his whole arm* Me 8:22 pm ((so THAT'S how you make a yarn wig SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm *now that her due diligence is done, Whirl is getting the fanciest epaulette* Hello! NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm *Soundwave suddenly stops being off in his own head and looks around to see who all is there. They all get nods and pings as usual, with Rumble fighting with Frenzy to push and shove his way downstairs so he can hole up with Whirl on the couch and watch movies* opatoes 8:23 pm ((i feel like you could do the thing people do with yarn tails to make it more hair-like? why are there so many pumpkin hacks SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm ((TINY PUMPKINS)) NoodlesAtNight 8:23 pm ((starting in 7 get whatever you need)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm (🍕) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:23 pm Bird! Bird! Me Swoop miss You Bird a loooooottt! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:23 pm ((huh. that's an emoji.)) Chaoit 8:23 pm Um.... chronosmith 8:23 pm *bobs his head at his epaulette; the noxious concoction is Complete* Sup? Chaoit 8:23 pm What was all that? chronosmith 8:24 pm just gonna drink straight baileys out the damn bottle)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm ((WHAT)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:24 pm Me! I am up! *the dragon tries not to look too proud of her joke* But, I also have been having a good week. How about you? chronosmith 8:24 pm not that I don't drink liquor out the bottle BUT NOT BAILEY'S, NOT A LIQEUR)) Kelpy 8:24 pm //dfgbrdtfgbgv hacks to break the law i guess Me 8:24 pm ((... why don't you just....... pour it in a thermos)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm ((literally there are ten thousand other ways to drink in public)) Darkscream 8:24 pm Humans have gotten very weird... Me 8:24 pm ((that is the WORST way to try to drink in public)) Kelpy 8:24 pm //not to mention it looks SO SUSPICIOUS Chaoit 8:24 pm Humans ARE weird MedicalMurdersaurus 8:24 pm ((I will get one of those wine bras before attempting a boozerrito)) Kelpy 8:24 pm //just shove your mouth into a sandwich opatoes 8:24 pm ((... i met someone who drank it from a ketchup bottle last tfn NoodlesAtNight 8:25 pm {{Maybe you not miss Bird if you get scope sight, heh heh.}} Me 8:25 pm ((omg)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:25 pm ((they're still drinking straight baileys)) Kelpy 8:25 pm These are insanely complex and ridiculous and completely pointless opatoes 8:25 pm ((specifically: they offered me a swig and i chugged it expecting ketchup)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:25 pm Pff! You funny Bird. Me Swoop GOOD shot! Kehehh. You Bird not here. Or Swoop not. Or BOTH. : < SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:26 pm ((smokeymun you are exactly a disaster)) Me 8:26 pm ((... the fact that you chugged it BEFORE knowing makes it even better)) NoodlesAtNight 8:26 pm *The fighting continues all the way right up to just in front of Whirl's couch, at which point the twins look at each other for a long, silent moment, nod, and then peacefully separate to steal different portions of said couch* chronosmith 8:26 pm omfg)) opatoes 8:26 pm ((asdzxvbmncx id do it again chronosmith 8:26 pm i would rather chug homemade moonshine that ketchup, which I hate)) and incidentally I have had homemmade moonshine, which was brought to me ina water bottle)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:26 pm ((... what)) chronosmith 8:26 pm good stuff)) NoodlesAtNight 8:26 pm {{Bird busy many often times. It work! You Swoop got work too.}} opatoes 8:26 pm ((: o SCProwl 8:26 pm ((reading books is for wimmin, gotta watch sportsball Chaoit 8:26 pm ............. Chaoit 8:27 pm Um.... SCProwl 8:27 pm ((that's all i took from that guy ruining that book is that's what he thinks NoodlesAtNight 8:27 pm *Soundwave sees a new face here. Who is the blue and black bot?* [[Greetings. Designation?]] chronosmith 8:27 pm *shrugs* Incredibly boring and monotonous. Which is not IDEAL. I almost wish someone else would come screaming down to Cybertron to try and collect my damn bounty. At least THEN I'd have something to DO that isn't... *shudders* Regular old hard WORK. Darkscream 8:27 pm *Facepalms.* These are things not even John would do! NoodlesAtNight 8:27 pm ((oh look it's soundwave's mouth)) opatoes 8:28 pm ((PPHFHFPH Kelpy 8:28 pm These are the most pointless "hacks". Why are they doing thins MedicalMurdersaurus 8:28 pm *twists his torso back and forth so his arms and wings get flailed loosely around as he levels Laserbeak with his best exasperated face* Me Swoop not wooooorrrkk. Me Swoop hang out. Want to hang out with You Bird! opatoes 8:28 pm these dont hack my life at all 😔 NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm {{Then you Swoop sit. Us watch movie in two minute.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:28 pm If they come down to kidnap you, I'll have to fight them, Whirl. *the dragon is deadly serious* NoodlesAtNight 8:28 pm //Y'WANT your life hacked? Cuz I could do it.// opatoes 8:28 pm Soundwave, can you hack my life SCProwl 8:29 pm ((oh yes, just put tape directly on your skin Darkscream 8:29 pm *Turns her attention over to Soundwave. Assuming he was talking to her, this was the first time meeting, she put up a servo in greetings.* I'm Darkscream. Kelpy 8:29 pm Huh MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm ((I lik ehow they tied fishing line ot her skirt instead of using a fan or hairdryer like a sane person)) Me 8:29 pm ((reblog to save marilyn monroe's life)) opatoes 8:29 pm ((asdxcvbnzxxcv MedicalMurdersaurus 8:29 pm *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighs* Kaay chronosmith 8:29 pm Nah, fighting them off is MY honor. Sorry. I rarely share my fights, dragon. *and now at last he will make his way over to the couch, having quietly and with amusement watched World War Twins break out over the best spot* opatoes 8:29 pm lifehack: just destroy your stuff opatoes 8:30 pm ... what would happen if I did this to my pedes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:30 pm *the dragon sighs, but nods understandingly* Of course. That's perfectly fair. I wouldn't want to deprive you of your fights. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:30 pm ((if you actually fell that away in those shoes you'd absolutely have a broken wrist from trying to catch yourself)) Me 8:30 pm ((PONYTAIL THROUGH A KNIT HAT THAT'S THE WORST LOOK I'VE EVER SEEN HVSGDT)) Kelpy 8:30 pm /gfhbyfghnhg Chaoit 8:30 pm ((just NoodlesAtNight 8:30 pm [[What in BLAZES--]] Chaoit 8:30 pm ((yikes chronosmith 8:30 pm Now, at last, we see what Prowl's special task forces get up to. opatoes 8:30 pm soundwave this video vexes and terrifies me Chaoit 8:31 pm Soundwave? NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm *So that's Darkscream.* [[Greetings, and welcome. Any high grade must be paid for, but solid snacks are free.]] [[And yes?]] Chaoit 8:31 pm What are we watching now? NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[Nothing, because it is time to start.]] [[And he has tortured you all long enough.]] opatoes 8:31 pm ... but what is this lifehack chronosmith 8:31 pm Damn. I should've known you'd protect his secrets. Chaoit 8:31 pm Thank Primus opatoes 8:31 pm soundwave please NoodlesAtNight 8:31 pm [[A periscope.]] opatoes 8:31 pm . . . Oh MedicalMurdersaurus 8:31 pm *toddles after Bird to sit where she wants, for once forgetting to grab snacks for her* NoodlesAtNight 8:32 pm ((WARNINGS: i got distracted and didn't finish but uhhhhh assassin guy gets his finger chopped off in the opening sequence (whirl consider yourself notified), disturbing imagery, needles, unwilling medical patient, lots of violence and death, a little blood)) Darkscream 8:32 pm Good to know. Not much of a high grade mech, though I might grab a few snacks. *Smiles at Soundwave then glances around the room again. Out of all the mechs, she only recognized three, not counting Soundwave, and only one she's met before.* NoodlesAtNight 8:33 pm ((also if you've never played an AC game don't let this movie stop you. it's a horrible movie but in a fun way. the games are way better)) opatoes 8:33 pm /Smokescreen's grabbing as many drinks as he can before jumping off the bar, running towards where round Prowl is/ chronosmith 8:33 pm ((NOTIFIED. Liquor ready to be deployed for chugging-distraction functions)) opatoes 8:33 pm ((... i always read AC as animal crossing so i was so confused for a second)) chronosmith 8:33 pm ((altair but as an animal crossing style eagle... )) Me 8:33 pm ((Animal Creed)) ((Assassin's Crossing)) opatoes 8:33 pm ((Assassin's Crossing Kelpy 8:33 pm //assasin crossing SCProwl 8:33 pm *oh right, yes, Prowl totally arrived while everyone was watching bad life hacks* NoodlesAtNight 8:33 pm ((THE EAGLE THING IS CUTE)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:33 pm ((assassins crossing)) Me 8:34 pm ((whenever i see AC i think Advent Children)) Kelpy 8:34 pm //mood tho SCProwl 8:34 pm ((same, puff chronosmith 8:34 pm I think... Armor Class)) opatoes 8:34 pm ((Final Fantasy: Animal Crossing Chaoit 8:34 pm -peers back at the flier, blinking. Kinda feels like he recognizes her- Kelpy 8:34 pm //final fantasy seven, animal creed MedicalMurdersaurus 8:34 pm ((only the brotherhood and also the possibility this apple is a metaphor, not a real thing)) Me 8:34 pm ((... omg i didn't know the AC plot was so..... like........ dan brown)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:34 pm ((it is VERY dan brown)) chronosmith 8:34 pm ((ye dude)) NoodlesAtNight 8:34 pm ((you have NO idea)) opatoes 8:34 pm man I wish I had a house that big opatoes 8:35 pm I wish I had a house SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm ((yeah it's really really dan brown)) Me 8:35 pm ((i had no idea)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:35 pm What are they doing with those knives. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:35 pm Me SWOOP have a cave. Dino cave. ALL Dinos in cave : > NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm ((but also really really really good)) chronosmith 8:35 pm *leans back, drink in hand, and bobs his head, in turn, to Rumble and Frenzy both* So, how was it you were planning to hack someone's life, again? The old-fashioned way? Me 8:35 pm ((man that apple is probably pretty much dust by now NoodlesAtNight 8:35 pm \\AIN'T NO BETTER WAY. HACK 'N SLASH, HEH.\\ Darkscream 8:35 pm *Going to head to where the snacks were to be out of the way. Given she was about Megatron's height, it was a really smart idea to not block the screen. Picks at one of the crunchy snacks.* NoodlesAtNight 8:36 pm *Ravage peers over the bar to stare at her. ... She smells all right.* chronosmith 8:36 pm *tips his head back for the OPENING CHUG* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:36 pm Oh that's what they're doing with those knives. opatoes 8:36 pm ... I want a cool axe Chaoit 8:36 pm .....yikes chronosmith 8:36 pm *the fumes might very well be smell-able from across the room* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:36 pm Them do Spanish. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm You Bird do Spanish? NoodlesAtNight 8:37 pm *They are. But Ravage's nose is strong enough he can smell Darkscream past it. Not the twins' though. They can't smell anything but booze.* {{Si.}} opatoes 8:37 pm That guy's got a Megatron blade! MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm Kehehheh SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((IS THAT GODSMACK)) chronosmith 8:37 pm ((omg i typed that up without reading all of ravage's comment we both went for The Smell)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:37 pm How many WORDS You Bird know? :V SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((oh no I thought it was the song from the scorpion king movie)) Darkscream 8:37 pm *Pauses and looks back at Ravage with a curious blink. Tilts her helm a bit.* Ravage...? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:37 pm ((this is not that song)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm KAHAHHAHA Him SUCK SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:38 pm ((parkour)) NoodlesAtNight 8:38 pm {{Aaaaaaall.}} MedicalMurdersaurus 8:38 pm :V That a lot chronosmith 8:39 pm *returns his attention to the screen* Hell yeah, Frenzy. I mean, my first love is guns, but I can appreciate a good swordfight. NoodlesAtNight 8:39 pm =Yes. You are wanting drinks?= Kelpy 8:39 pm Um chronosmith 8:40 pm Huh. Patsy Cline. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:40 pm ...Is that his docent. NoodlesAtNight 8:40 pm \\I LIKE IT UP CLOSE 'N PERSONAL.\\ *Frenzy grins and pops a drill - but only briefly, knowing the Boss will get mad if he leaves it out.* \\DON'T NOBODY MAKE SWORDS OUR SIZE.\\ [[It appears to be.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:40 pm Hm. opatoes 8:40 pm ... Who's blood is it, then? Kelpy 8:40 pm What SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm I don't like this. Chaoit 8:41 pm Um What? Kelpy 8:41 pm So did he kill her or chronosmith 8:41 pm That's a damn shame. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm She might have suicided. Kelpy 8:41 pm Excellent start to a movie NoodlesAtNight 8:41 pm //Better'n gettin' captured 'n tortured.// Darkscream 8:41 pm *Good looking Ravage for this 'verses style.* The currency still in credits? *Not even paying attention to the movie! It is so silly even for her.* opatoes 8:41 pm those corn fields stink SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:41 pm Generally speaking, yes. Me 8:42 pm ((i see he already has a genetic predisposition toward wearing hoods no matter the temperature)) chronosmith 8:42 pm Yeah, but I'd rather go down fighting, personally. Kelpy 8:42 pm //lmO opatoes 8:42 pm ((PFF NoodlesAtNight 8:42 pm =Eh, which kind?= ((LOL)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:42 pm ((man this movie is all about super dark scenes with one primary dominant color)) chronosmith 8:42 pm Edgy. Kelpy 8:43 pm //visiblity wasn't a concern when they filmed i guess SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:43 pm The pair's bonded. Not everyone can handle seeing their bondmate tortured in front of them. chronosmith 8:43 pm That's why you go out fighting TOGETHER. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:43 pm ((am I the only one bothered by the fact we have to guess where the subtitles are going to pop up? I want it to go balls to the walls and just start showing up in the middle of the screen on top of people's faces. Go all in.)) chronosmith 8:44 pm Get a backup plan, some kind of handy explosive you can use. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:44 pm Why Him all tie up? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:44 pm That is a better idea. Did they have an explosive, though? NoodlesAtNight 8:44 pm ((youtube subtitles are terrible)) Chaoit 8:44 pm ...... NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm ((and generally try to be near the speaker)) Kelpy 8:45 pm Do we get to know who he murdered MedicalMurdersaurus 8:45 pm Oh. Them cut him up. chronosmith 8:45 pm Probably not, but that's their own bad planning. Chaoit 8:45 pm ...oh no chronosmith 8:45 pm I always have some kind of grenade handy. I've got one in my subspace right now. NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm //Yeah? What kind?// SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm This is definitely not a psychologically healthy way to execute someone. chronosmith 8:45 pm Matter of fact--*nods to Frenzy* It's the one you gave me. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:45 pm Oooh, nice. chronosmith 8:45 pm Implosion grenade. Chaoit 8:45 pm ....what? Darkscream 8:45 pm *Goes to her side and slips a servo into a subspace compartment. Takes a little bag out to set it down. Flips through to find a glowing chip almost like energon.* Got a more hard form or better in trade. Haven't don't much trading here. *Takes a seat at the bar if Ravage doesn't mind.* NoodlesAtNight 8:45 pm \\OOOOH, YOU STILL GOT IT?\\ chronosmith 8:45 pm Hell yeah I do! Waiting for the right time to use it. chronosmith 8:46 pm *peers at the screen* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm He doesn't look dead. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:46 pm Dead chronosmith 8:46 pm Honestly, it probably would have been better if he was dead. NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm *Ravage ducks below the bar to peek at the list Prowl helped them set up for conversions. He's down there a moment or two before peeking over again.* =It works. What order?= SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Almost certainly. Me 8:46 pm ((NO)) Kelpy 8:46 pm What a way to wake up opatoes 8:46 pm This... Isn't going to go well for him is it SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:46 pm Most people don't pretend to kill you for good reasons. Me 8:46 pm ((WHY DO THEY DO THAT)) NoodlesAtNight 8:46 pm ((i hate that)) opatoes 8:47 pm oh! his pants say dr! so he's a doctor right NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((he should be pouring blood down his arm)) chronosmith 8:47 pm Don't trust her. Grab the IV out of your arm and stick it in her eye. NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm [[Sedated him right proper, he sees.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm ((I'd love to see a movie go all in on showing how dumb that is.)) opatoes 8:47 pm imagine if he just like. put the iv back in NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((in fairness, gotham sorta did)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm *snickers every time he falls or stumbles* NoodlesAtNight 8:47 pm ((with alfred anyway, not fish)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm KEHHEHH SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:47 pm This is a very fancy torture prison. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:47 pm Him suck at walking opatoes 8:47 pm what a walk cycle! chronosmith 8:48 pm *dryly* The best ones usually are. *takes another swig* Kelpy 8:48 pm I guess they really don't like to show faces Chaoit 8:48 pm ...... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:48 pm Fair. *the dragon can't really dispute that* NoodlesAtNight 8:48 pm //Don't flop over now, buddy. 'S a long way down 'n you ain't got wings.// MedicalMurdersaurus 8:48 pm YAH Movie stuck MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm Never ever FLIER chronosmith 8:49 pm No, he absolutely should. He should jump. Darkscream 8:49 pm *Glances at the movie with a snort then back to Ravage.* Hrm. Happen to have a Praxis Crash? [*totally making this up*] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:49 pm He definitely should. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm Flier get away *blows raspberries* opatoes 8:49 pm None of this sounds healthy MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm ((THAT FUCKING subtitle)) ((good god XD)) NoodlesAtNight 8:49 pm ((i missed it what was it)) chronosmith 8:49 pm ((KEEPIN U ON YOUR TOES)) MedicalMurdersaurus 8:49 pm ((who puts a subtitle in the upper right hand corner?)) Me 8:49 pm ((bouncing around everywhere)) opatoes 8:50 pm ((i get that they're trying to make it match the location but like. just put it in the bottom center area!! Me 8:50 pm ((like a pong match)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:50 pm Well, that's one way to not gain someone's trust. Chaoit 8:50 pm ((ick NoodlesAtNight 8:50 pm =Praxis Crash?= *It's been a while since someone asked for a Klingon/Praxus mix. Usually that's the kind of thing their own Prowl runs for.* =Yes. A moment.= MedicalMurdersaurus 8:50 pm ((I literally feel like I'm at the eye doctor where they make you stare at the center and ask you to click that little thing every time a spot of light shows up in the periphery of your vision)) Kelpy 8:51 pm They're super bad at explaining anything anywhere Chaoit 8:51 pm .............. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm *the dragon winces* That's a torture device. MedicalMurdersaurus 8:51 pm ?? Chaoit 8:51 pm -nope- opatoes 8:51 pm ... So, is this like the cortical psychic patch but for humans from different points in time? chronosmith 8:51 pm I swear to god, these two had better not end up in one of those dumb romances. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:51 pm *don't mind her, she's just going to scratch at the back of her head* NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm [[Apparently.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:51 pm keheeheh chronosmith 8:51 pm If they don't end this movie as arch-enemies then I call bullshit. NoodlesAtNight 8:51 pm *He's silently grateful Ravage told him to tell Prowl not to come.* opatoes 8:51 pm You know, for the patch's credit, at least it doesn't physically lift you up! Me 8:51 pm ((this is such bullshit science lmao)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm ((I know right)) ((it's so bad)) opatoes 8:52 pm I wish I had DNA Me 8:52 pm ((SEARCHING DNA FOR TIMEFRAME ASFGDKGH)) Chaoit 8:52 pm ((so much bs right here SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:52 pm Why do you want DNA? opatoes 8:52 pm So I can travel through time, apparently! Kelpy 8:52 pm //"Let's say science words, they'll nevrr know were making it up Chaoit 8:52 pm That...didn't look like it was....what is going on? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm ...I implore you to trust me- that is not how DNA works. Darkscream 8:53 pm *Having no idea anyone else would of ordered the same, Darkscream fiddles with her bag of currency. Getting out the appropriate credits for Ravage. Everything on the movie was NONSENSE.* opatoes 8:53 pm ... Really? Man, what a disappointment. Kelpy 8:53 pm Did thery just dump him into a time portal Or did he fall into something else NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[Of course it isn't. He's never traveled through time simply by inspecting a memory. If anyone could have done it, he would have.]] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:53 pm You can clone beings and create new ones with DNA. But definitely not travel through time. opatoes 8:53 pm ... Actually, can I use the patch on myself? I want to remember things. chronosmith 8:53 pm *sidelong look at Soundwave* NoodlesAtNight 8:53 pm [[They dipped him into his own memory, he thinks.]] [[...What?]] opatoes 8:54 pm ... What? chronosmith 8:54 pm What? SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm What? Kelpy 8:54 pm What MedicalMurdersaurus 8:54 pm hi NoodlesAtNight 8:54 pm *Ravage paws the credits off the counter and passes over the drink. Enjoy.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:54 pm Hi, Swoop. chronosmith 8:54 pm *now looks at Swoop* What? MedicalMurdersaurus 8:54 pm *waves* chronosmith 8:55 pm *nods solemnly. Time for another swig* Darkscream 8:55 pm *DNA time travelling is silly. Smiles as she takes the drink.* Thanks, Ravage. *Lets her wings relax, keeping them out of his view too, and sips at the drink. Sighing at the good taste.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:55 pm *snarls* Eaten take them. chronosmith 8:56 pm Wow, those weapons aren't obvious at all. opatoes 8:56 pm Actually, Soundwave- any idea if you can, like, use the patch on bots that aren't online anymore? Hypothetically? chronosmith 8:56 pm ...Okay, that was pretty sick. NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm [[/He/ cannot.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm *SHRIEKS with laughter* NoodlesAtNight 8:56 pm *But he has heard that those with needles can. And that is frightening.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:56 pm *the dragon churrs delightedly* MedicalMurdersaurus 8:56 pm Death from ABOVE ekehehhehhhehh Kelpy 8:56 pm Oh. opatoes 8:57 pm Wait, seriously? ... How likely is it that a bot with needles has done that, do you think? They clean their needles every time, right? Kelpy 8:57 pm [coughs] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm Did the female assassin just beat a man with a spinning stick? NoodlesAtNight 8:57 pm [[He doesn't know and doesn't care to think about it.]] Chaoit 8:57 pm -shrinking back- I really don't like the general premise of this movie... SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:57 pm It's about rebels killing torturers and mind-controllers. I'm enjoying the premise immensely. NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[Agreed.]] chronosmith 8:58 pm I know a mnemosurgeon who can. Or, he used to be able to. Probably isn't allowed anymore. opatoes 8:58 pm /Smokescreen's rubbing the back of his neck, feeling a bit grossed out./ NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[Oh? Who?]] Chaoit 8:58 pm I mean how they're seeing all this NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm *Takes note of Blaster's discomfort. Hm.* chronosmith 8:58 pm Chromedome. Only mnemosurgeon I know, really. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:58 pm Oh, the scientific premise is complete garbage, if that's what bothers you. chronosmith 8:58 pm His junxie doesn't like him injecting, though. NoodlesAtNight 8:58 pm [[His - what?]] Kelpy 8:58 pm Conjunx. NoodlesAtNight 8:59 pm [[Oh. Rewind? What has he got against it?]] MedicalMurdersaurus 8:59 pm mmm-nemo opatoes 8:59 pm I know, like, three mnemosurgeons and one of them is offlined, another is a bot I'd never let use his drills on me, and the other- he's not that skilled at it yet. Kelpy 8:59 pm I never actually asked why he doesn't like it. Chaoit 8:59 pm -winces- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 8:59 pm ...Anything you use to pull precious cargo is not that stupid, right? Right? chronosmith 9:00 pm Bad for his health. *dryly* Rewind has a vested interest in keeping Chromedome around. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:00 pm What muh-nemo means? opatoes 9:00 pm But Chromedome? How good is he at that stuff? I guess he probably shouldn't do it, but still, it might not hurt to ask him about the stuff sometimes! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:00 pm It is that stupid. Chaoit 9:00 pm -heights! Nope!- Darkscream 9:00 pm *Watching the movie with mild interest/disinterest. It's all so BROWN and not very interesting.* chronosmith 9:00 pm Apparently that sort of this is addictive. *waves a claw* He's been trying to quit. Rewind's there to make SURE it happens. NoodlesAtNight 9:00 pm [[Addictive? He experiences withdrawals if he does not do it?]] chronosmith 9:01 pm Maybe? I dunno. You'd have to ask him. And, I mean... I saw him pull the memories out of a mech who had just been killed by a sparkeater. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:01 pm Gee, look at all those symbols just like the one that the bad guys use. I wonder if it's a sign. chronosmith 9:01 pm He's PRETTY good. Kelpy 9:01 pm I remember that. That's when I found my bar. opatoes 9:01 pm ... So, Apple got really big in this world, I guess. NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm \\HAH\\ opatoes 9:02 pm Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night! MedicalMurdersaurus 9:02 pm PFFF chronosmith 9:02 pm PFFT. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:02 pm Does he need his offspring to do everything for him? Make his science, write his speeches, put on his clothes? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:02 pm CURE violence? pffffffffffffffffffffffff chronosmith 9:02 pm I know, right? NoodlesAtNight 9:02 pm *Soundwave makes a note to install some sort of self-destruct device in case he ever dies alone in the presence of mnemosurgeons.* Darkscream 9:03 pm *Slips her bag back into subspace so she didn't forget about it later. Tilts her helm towards Blaster. Hums a moment then raises her voice just enough to get his attention.* Blaster! Come sit over here. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:03 pm Piteous traitor to his kind. If I felt pity for the creature. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:04 pm ... I'm going to compost every human in that building. NoodlesAtNight 9:04 pm [[Do.]] MedicalMurdersaurus 9:04 pm ((this is the most expositiony conversation I've heard in eons)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:04 pm I'd threaten to eat them, but I fear I'd get poisoning from it. chronosmith 9:04 pm On the one hand I wanna say this is cartoonishly evil, but I mean. This is more or less what Functionists were like, so. opatoes 9:04 pm I wish I had a brotherhood ... I wish I had brothers SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm Compost the creatures and reuse them for better purposes. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:05 pm Brothers are AWESOME Kelpy 9:05 pm They'd posion the plants. Me 9:05 pm ((that was SUCH a hamhanded infodump)) NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm //Only sometimes.// \\HEY!\\ opatoes 9:05 pm You have brothers, Swoop? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:05 pm YAH SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm Like not being evil and wasting air. chronosmith 9:05 pm *snickers* NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm *Rumble cackles and leans over to bop Frenzy.* Me 9:05 pm ((anyway i'm renaming the head villain dude jeff bezos)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:05 pm Grimlock, Sludge, Slag, Snarl, Slash. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:05 pm ((valid)) chronosmith 9:05 pm ((ndjwfd)) NoodlesAtNight 9:05 pm ((oh excellent)) opatoes 9:06 pm Man, I'm kinda jealous! Anybody want a new brother? NoodlesAtNight 9:06 pm {{...Who Slash?}} MedicalMurdersaurus 9:06 pm Her Slash is a RAPTOR opatoes 9:06 pm You've got a huge family, Swoop! Chaoit 9:06 pm -whelp, may not totally recognize the flier, but going over all the same- chronosmith 9:06 pm I'm good. The last thing I need is to burden anyone with a relation to ME. NoodlesAtNight 9:06 pm {{When her made? Bird not recognize.}} SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:06 pm I have a brother. Probably other siblings, too, but he's the only one I've actually met. opatoes 9:06 pm Specs, would you like another brother? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:06 pm Uhhh dunno! Her Slash just *makes upward gestures* and there! Darkscream 9:06 pm *There are six Dinobots now? Well seven if Paddles counts.* Kelpy 9:06 pm [pats Smokey] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm I'd be your sister, Whirl, but I'm afraid I'm just too fuzzy for you. Me 9:07 pm ((... so let's say this "genetic memory" thing is real.)) opatoes 9:07 pm /Sigh, leaning against Swerve!/ ... What about you, Swerve? Kelpy 9:07 pm Yeah sure. opatoes 9:07 pm Wait, really? chronosmith 9:07 pm Fuzziness is no obstacle. I'm just not taking applications. Me 9:07 pm ((if it's a real thing, then that means that all this happened before aguilar passed on his genes to his descendant)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm ...I mean, I'd have to find my parents to do that. I could locate them, but I don't think anyone would enjoy that. Kelpy 9:07 pm I have no idea how it works but sure. Me 9:07 pm ((so, we can say, with 100% certainty, that aguilar will fuck AT LEAST one time in the future.)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:07 pm That's also an obstacle, yes. I'm happy to just be your friend, anyways. opatoes 9:07 pm Awesome! Wait, how old are you, Swerve? I'm your older brother, right? NoodlesAtNight 9:08 pm ((lmfao)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm ((the science checks out)) chronosmith 9:08 pm ((scientifically speaking, he WILL fuck)) Lord, this lady is insufferable. Someone PLEASE kill her. Please. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:08 pm ((how great would it be if they were getting ready for the big crazy fight that the whole story had been leading up to and he decided to have one last hurrah in a bar and then the memories just STOP cause he got someone knocked up?)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm I would, but I can't reach into the screen and murder her. Kelpy 9:08 pm Awhile SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:08 pm ((SWOOP PLEASE)) Me 9:08 pm ((LMAO)) ((NICE)) Kelpy 9:08 pm //god i did the math once but i forgot what it was that swerve's age was lmao Darkscream 9:09 pm She's probably going to die at the end of the movie. NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm ((i would laugh my head off)) opatoes 9:09 pm ... Well, you wouldn't be older than me, right, Swerve? Darkscream 9:09 pm *Really doesn't care at all for this group. It is just a movie, so she's not attached at ALL.* opatoes 9:09 pm I'm not sure I'm younger brother material! NoodlesAtNight 9:09 pm ((she sounds like what's-his-holes with the whole "cold constructed bots are all horrible")) chronosmith 9:09 pm We can only hope. *grimly toasts Darkscream and takes another long draught of his Gaugebuster* Kelpy 9:09 pm Depends, I'm like. Hmmm. I forgot, but older than the war. Darkscream 9:10 pm [This makes me want the Prince of Persia movie. THAT WAS INTERESTING] Chaoit 9:10 pm -pokes at the new flier- I recognize you, from somewhere opatoes 9:10 pm ... I'm just a bit older than the war. Who was Prime when you first came online? Chaoit 9:10 pm -after he's seated nearby- NoodlesAtNight 9:10 pm ((and the plan to do the killswitch and all that)) chronosmith 9:10 pm ((Tyrest!)) Kelpy 9:10 pm It was the one before Sentinel. Me 9:10 pm ((GENETICALLY EEEEEEVIL)) Me 9:11 pm ((ur right, she'd get along with tyrest)) opatoes 9:11 pm ... That was Nova, right? So- So I guess you're older than me, basically. Darkscream 9:11 pm *Grins at Blaster.* Yeah, you should. We only met once and Sideswipe was ready to tear my helm off because I had you in the sky. chronosmith 9:11 pm ...*pauses, tilting his head curiously* Since we're on the subject, and all. *looks between Rumble and Frenzy* How do brothers WORK where you guys are from? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:11 pm *his optics are going to roll right out of his head* opatoes 9:11 pm That's just weird, though. I can still call myself your older brother, right? chronosmith 9:11 pm What makes you two twins, aside from the obvious? Chaoit 9:11 pm .......oh yeah He really hates fliers Kelpy 9:11 pm Nah, I think you're younger brother material. You're all... [gestures] Bouncy. NoodlesAtNight 9:11 pm //We tell ya, then you gotta tell us how's it work where you come from. Deal?// opatoes 9:11 pm Hey, what? Come on! I'm just an energetic older brother! Chaoit 9:12 pm Like...it's a switch, almost Darkscream 9:12 pm Does he pull Jet Judo on any flyer he goes against? Kelpy 9:12 pm You can be the taller brother if I can be the older. opatoes 9:12 pm I'm not even taller right now 😔 Chaoit 9:12 pm That'd be putting it nicely Kelpy 9:12 pm You're usually taller. Chaoit 9:13 pm During the war, if we didn't have a flier of our own, we'd send in Sides Me 9:13 pm ((look at him, demonstrating all that FREE WILL)) chronosmith 9:13 pm I've got no idea how it works HERE, either. Never thought to ask anyone. opatoes 9:13 pm True... Fine, I guess I'll be the taller brother. /Grumbling, doorwings flicking./ Kelpy 9:13 pm [pats] If he's been dead two hundred years, how is he here. chronosmith 9:13 pm Apparently Minimus Ambus--the dude in our Ultra Magnus suit, currently--had a spark-brother, but that's the full gamut of my expertise on the subject. NoodlesAtNight 9:13 pm [[His assassin-person has been dead two hundred years.]] opatoes 9:13 pm EAT IT Kelpy 9:14 pm Oh. Darkscream 9:14 pm Autobots back home didn't have flyers either until Swoop was created with the Dinobots. Then game the airealbots after that. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were pure devils before that. NoodlesAtNight 9:14 pm //Well, y'find out, you tell us. We'll give ya the details anyhow.// MedicalMurdersaurus 9:14 pm *perks up when he hears his name* Hi! opatoes 9:14 pm /Leaning against Swerve./ Me 9:15 pm ((if they want to brainwash him into thinking he's doing the right thing by giving them the apple, why are they letting him hang out with all the people who know they're supposed to guard the apple and want to talk him out of handing it over?)) Chaoit 9:15 pm We had our own, but...they were taken out quickly, something about politics and stuff Darkscream 9:15 pm *Waves a servo.* Hi Swoop. I'd love to chat when you're not busy. *Smiles. She's more relaxed now than when she came in.* chronosmith 9:15 pm *salutes Rumble* You got my solid word. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:16 pm Me Swoop hang out with Her Bird. *points at Laserbeak so we're all on the same page* Me 9:16 pm ((why didn't they, just, put him on a different floor and go "oh, yeah, you're the last surviving ancestor of this assassin's club, all the other genetic lines of the other assassins died off over time because their descendants were violent malcontents.")) Chaoit 9:16 pm And Sides...I think he was taught by a flier. Because he doesn't just grab for the wings. He grounds them NoodlesAtNight 9:16 pm ((because Evil is Stupid i guess)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:17 pm ((what the fuck happened)) ((I wasn't paying enough attention)) Me 9:17 pm ((it's the musical episode)) Kelpy 9:17 pm //lmao SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:17 pm ((CLEARLY)) Darkscream 9:17 pm As I said, when you're not busy. I can always catch you after the movie? *Waves to Laserbeak so she wasn't left out then turns to Blaster.* Oh I know. I've seen it happen. I had it happen once to myself... Darkscream 9:19 pm *Clears her vocoder.* And I've crashed hard plenty of times before from stalling while trying to keep Sideswipe from crashing when we were on good terms. Taking jet surfing to new heights; literally. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm ...Torture chambers are bad places to kiss. Kelpy 9:19 pm //they are so bad at making things visile i honestly can't even see either of them lmao SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm ((I know right)) NoodlesAtNight 9:19 pm ((if you're on LD changing to HD helps a lot)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:19 pm ((that's why I just wasn't watching until they put him back into the animus)) Kelpy 9:19 pm //it is on ld unfortunately lmao Kelpy 9:19 pm //hd* Chaoit 9:19 pm Jet surfing? Kelpy 9:20 pm Seems like their primus is mean opatoes 9:20 pm man i wish i could see our past like this chronosmith 9:20 pm Thank god we CAN'T. Darkscream 9:20 pm Mhm. It's a bit of a willing jet judo. Keeping to my alternate form, Sideswipe kept his pedes positioned so he wouldn't slide off my winds, and we'd go flying. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:20 pm I don't think I would enjoy the experience of being burned alive. chronosmith 9:21 pm There's not a single day in my past I'd rather live than right here, right now. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:21 pm ((am I the only one having clone wars flashbacks?)) chronosmith 9:21 pm ...*pauses* That. Came out sounding a lot more optimistic than I intended. opatoes 9:21 pm Hey, I'll try anything once. Chaoit 9:21 pm Sounds dangerous SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:22 pm ((what is with red bird man)) NoodlesAtNight 9:22 pm //So, Frenzy 'n I, we got us kinda the same spark, sorta. Ain't stable enough for holdin' together - somethin' with the types of fields 'n speeds 'n scrap - so it busted up. Two parts, smaller ones. They was strong enough to hold up by themselves, so they got busy growin' both of us. Coupla changes on account of the splittin' - don't everythin' come out the same most times - but real close. Happens to all kindsa sparks, but most the time it makes minis like us. Anyhow, means he 'n I sorta got a weird bond without askin' for it. Ain't super telepathic like the Boss, 'n I can't do no talkin' to him, but we know stuff's happenin' 'bout each other. Feel it.// Darkscream 9:22 pm It can be if either party isn't careful. I've torn up my wings saving Sideswipe's skidplate. Forgot his jetpack to be looser and he fell. I couldn't reach him in time and... yeah... I transformed and hit the ground HARD. Tore up my back and wings pretty badly. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:23 pm ((did they just subtitle it... and "speaks spanish" it)) opatoes 9:23 pm .... So, basically at this institute, they're doing historical LARPing? chronosmith 9:23 pm *now turns his full attention to the explanation, Maximum Attentive Mode, antenna perked forward and everything* Chaoit 9:23 pm Yeesh Yeah, I'm not doing that SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:23 pm At least remove the restraints. NoodlesAtNight 9:23 pm //Same thing with the Birds. 'N Buzzsaw's sweetie 'n his bro - think they was supposed to be somethin' real strong. Sunstreaker's half spins way fast 'n burns super hot. Sideswipe don't.// Chaoit 9:23 pm -not looking at the screen, not looking at the screen- opatoes 9:24 pm I WANNA JUMP ON ROOFS Chaoit 9:24 pm -why the HEIGHTS!?- Darkscream 9:24 pm *Laughs.* I wouldn't ever ask you to. It really is dumb, but we did it anyway. *Sips at her Praxis Crash.* Chaoit 9:24 pm -he looked at the screen at a bad time- Darkscream 9:25 pm *Can block Blaster's view with a wing? They could move up and down to a point.* MedicalMurdersaurus 9:25 pm ((It seems to be implying he's going to knock this chick up but that doesn't make a ton of sense because then couldn't whatshisface in present day see this fight from both their POVs equally?)) Chaoit 9:25 pm -oh good- Me 9:25 pm ((not if they decided to only sync to one of them and chose him instead of her)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:25 pm ((the argument seems to be that they can hone in on which one it is via the Y chromosome)) Chaoit 9:26 pm Yeah, you remember how well me and heights got along chronosmith 9:26 pm Huh. *that's honestly kind of interesting; Whirl's still pretty glad he DOESN'T have a sibling, sharing a bond like that with someone sounds pretty terrible to him, but NOT having it would probably seem pretty lonely to the twins* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((hence why no ladies are in here)) opatoes 9:26 pm Swerve, how rebuilt is your Cybertron? Can I go over and hop on roofs? Me 9:26 pm ((there was at least one lady in the cafeteria.)) chronosmith 9:26 pm ((MITOCHONDRIAL DNA WOULD GIVE THEM SO MUCH MORE MILEAGE THO)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:26 pm ((I will accept the Y chromosome explanation)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((WHY IS THERE A HORSE ON THE ROOF)) NoodlesAtNight 9:26 pm ((yeah, the y explanation wouldn't work cuz there's lady assassins in game too)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:26 pm ((even if you are right that going maternally would be more useful)) Darkscream 9:26 pm Mhm. First hand experience. Least I now know if the case ever comes up. Kelpy 9:26 pm Uh, I mean it's mostly just Iacon right now though.... No, I don't think they'd let you. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:26 pm ((I KNOW O MIGHTY WORM)) ((but these are dumbasses)) SCProwl 9:26 pm ((i'll accept it if the next assassin is amab in the next game opatoes 9:27 pm Aww... I wonder if it would be wrong for me to jump on roofs around my Cybertron. chronosmith 9:27 pm ((...OR AT LEAST EQUAL MILEAGE)) opatoes 9:27 pm I mean, it can't be worse PR than dying and getting possessed by Unicron, right? Kelpy 9:27 pm Er. Darkscream 9:27 pm *Coughs on her drink hearing Smokescreen.* /What/ Chaoit 9:27 pm Yeah...still. Sorry about how Sides reacted Me 9:27 pm ((so yeah if these are BOTH his ancestors it's, like... real fucked up... if they keep going "oh yeah, he's this dude's descendant, this one dude, only the dude, check out this dude he's descended from" when literally she is rrrright there, in the same time period)) opatoes 9:27 pm ... That bot's okay now! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:27 pm To be fair, dying and being possessed by an evil god is very bad PR. Chaoit 9:28 pm .......... Kelpy 9:28 pm //tbf i think it was said that he's the last one confirmed/known to have the apple and they are Speficially Searching for where he hid it MedicalMurdersaurus 9:28 pm ((I hate how they keep cutting away from the parkour to show us him on a CGI rig. It totally takes you out of what could be a cool practical stunt by showing clearly fake shit.)) Chaoit 9:28 pm -going to ignore that bit about Unicron- SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:28 pm ((I didn't mean "only male assassins ever" by the Y chromosome I mostly meant "this is why they're using a dude and not any of the female descendants")) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:29 pm Oh, that looks like brain damage. Kelpy 9:29 pm //p sure their reasoning is bc it was aguilar who had the appl laste, and not any specificdna reasons Me 9:29 pm ((but they DO have a female descendant in the cafeteria, i'm saying.)) NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm [[...Interesting.]] opatoes 9:29 pm it looks like his model froze on an animation clip! Kelpy 9:29 pm Did he just die NoodlesAtNight 9:29 pm *So he's not the only one who suffers physically if he suffers in his head.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:29 pm ((wait, they do?)) ((I didn't see her)) Me 9:30 pm ((clearly they're not tracking by the y chromosome if they've got her there. unless she's trans or has a y chromosome, but somehow i doubt they thought it through that far)) Darkscream 9:30 pm *Bloody old gods. Looks back at Blaster.* Uh... Anyway. It's fine. Not going to be the first time or the last I'm sure. Sideswipe doesn't trust me. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:30 pm ((like I said I haven't been following real closely on the non assassin parts)) chronosmith 9:30 pm I dunno if that's how OURS work, but that seems like... the simplest way for it to happen. *he's not going to say so aloud, because it would be VERY CHEESY, and even though he's had plenty of liquor, he hasn't lost ALL of his decorum, but... he's glad the twins turned out the way they did. They're a lot more fun as two different people that he imagines they would be as a whole* Chaoit 9:30 pm Sideswipe's _paranoid_ to levels I'm worried about MedicalMurdersaurus 9:30 pm Her dumb MedicalMurdersaurus 9:31 pm Pain is fun : > Darkscream 9:31 pm How paranoid? Chaoit 9:32 pm He trained under Jazz NoodlesAtNight 9:32 pm *They wouldn't wanna be one person either. It's fun combining into an alt mode, and their split state probably makes that easier than it would be, but they like being different.* //Bet it ain't so different. You guys got hot spots, right? Maybe it's two sparks popped up real close together, or somethin'.// //Mixed stuff up.// *Mashes his fists together and makes a sort of "pchoom" noise.* Darkscream 9:33 pm Oh. Yeah. Training under the Spec Ops would lead to that, but it couldn't be all of Jazz's input to why Sideswipe is like that. chronosmith 9:33 pm Or one spark, and the sentio metallico sort of split it while it was forming. *matches Rumble's very informative gesture with one of his own, a big, massive pinch of his claw* Dunno if you can MAKE twins, though, the Cold Constructed way... I'd guess not? Chaoit 9:33 pm I...don't think I'm at liberty to tell the rest of his reasons Chaoit 9:34 pm But he's quick to react to even perceived threats chronosmith 9:34 pm Of COURSE she won't. Kelpy 9:34 pm [half listening] Branched spark twins are formed when the sentiuio splits itself between two sparks and bonds to both, instead of bonding to only one. I've never seen how a split spark forms. chronosmith 9:35 pm *perks up, looks to Swerve, and then gestures grandly* I'd trust the metallurgist on this one. Darkscream 9:35 pm *Leans back against the bar. Sips her drink.* Given he reacted the way he did to me, I'd venture a guess that Sideswipe had his home destroyed on a bombing run by a squad of Seekers... NoodlesAtNight 9:35 pm \\SO LIKE. ONE GLOB, TWO SPARKS?\\ Kelpy 9:35 pm Yeah, basically. So their bodies both experience the same thing. Sort of sharing a nervous system? Chaoit 9:35 pm ......... NoodlesAtNight 9:36 pm //Probably nicer 'n pinchin'.// *Whirl's idea looked kinda painful.* Darkscream 9:36 pm *Sighs.* I'd have a frag of a time getting to know him, wouldn't I? Assuming I could even get close. I'd just /scream/ threat because of my Seeker-state, huh? Kelpy 9:36 pm I've never seen the split spark form, so I can't say for sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if that was a result of unstable formation. Chaoit 9:37 pm Yeah....he'd....he'd not react well chronosmith 9:37 pm Probably. Pinching is generally pretty unpleasant. Darkscream 9:38 pm *Sips her drink in thought.* I'd have to look... less threatening, wouldn't I? Be an entirely different form. Even then it'd be a game of decepticon. Darkscream 9:39 pm [RIGHT] Chaoit 9:39 pm You'd have to work hard at that.... Kelpy 9:39 pm //exposiitiion Darkscream 9:39 pm [Primus is WTF at that apple Chaoit 9:40 pm The odds are really stacked against you, though NoodlesAtNight 9:40 pm [[...This facility must go through a great many employees.]] [[He hopes they offer good life insurance.]] Kelpy 9:40 pm //Everyone: apple is important, don't tell them how to find it! dude: i'm gonna give it to them so they kill my dad chronosmith 9:41 pm It's almost like re-connecting your unwilling prisoners to their ancient roots as highly-trained assassins is... *dramatic gasp* Backfiring. Darkscream 9:41 pm [welp, gee rabbit, you kicked me out SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:41 pm ((oi)) Chaoit 9:42 pm ((rabbit, you butt Darkscream 9:42 pm If it's changing my form that's the issue, Blaster, then it isn't that big of a problem. Chaoit 9:42 pm I don't think it'd be fair to you, though. NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm \\NO, NEVER! SURELY NOT!\\ *Frenzy clutches his chest plates in mock shock and then doubles over laughing* Chaoit 9:42 pm And...he's not going to recover if he keeps this up NoodlesAtNight 9:42 pm \\COURSE IT'S BACKFIRIN'.\\ NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm \\DUMB TEMPLE FRAGGERS.\\ SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:43 pm ((STOP "SPEAKING SPANISH" YOU ASSHOLE SUBTITLES)) Darkscream 9:43 pm Wouldn't be the first time I've looked different for interacting with others. Think I always look this way when I'm in another universe? chronosmith 9:43 pm I don't care what the official name of these guys is, from now on, they're "Temple Fraggers." Darkscream 9:43 pm [*SCREAMS IN SKELETON* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:43 pm Seconded. Temple Fraggers it is. Me 9:43 pm (("temple fraggers," the colloquial term for cityspeakers)) NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm ((OMG)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:43 pm ((PUFF NO)) ((I'M EATING DON'T MAKE ME INHALE MY OWN FOOD)) NoodlesAtNight 9:43 pm [[...Such beautiful walls.]] chronosmith 9:44 pm ((HAHAHHA)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:44 pm ((Soooo how are we seeing this? No one related to anyone is in that room.)) Kelpy 9:44 pm Couldn't he give them a decoy apple NoodlesAtNight 9:45 pm ((they're peeking from above.)) chronosmith 9:45 pm ((PEEEPIN)) Chaoit 9:45 pm ((pfff MedicalMurdersaurus 9:45 pm ((ahhh. I can't keep straight who is where relative to each other.)) Me 9:45 pm ((who's doing that)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:45 pm ((the faces thing?)) Me 9:45 pm ((yes)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:46 pm ((I don't know)) Chaoit 9:46 pm ((please stop MedicalMurdersaurus 9:46 pm ((hell if I know)) Kelpy 9:46 pm //dfgg my pc doesn't like it SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:46 pm Ooooh, blood water. NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm [[Let her perish. It is what is right.]] Kelpy 9:46 pm Stalemate NoodlesAtNight 9:46 pm [[She told you to let her die.]] chronosmith 9:46 pm She should kill herself first. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:47 pm She really ought to. NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm [[Fool.]] Kelpy 9:47 pm He lost his leverage chronosmith 9:47 pm Honestly, how stupid. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:47 pm He... He stabbed her? Darkscream 9:47 pm *Sips. That was dumb.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:47 pm For... No reason? NoodlesAtNight 9:47 pm [[Why would he not? It removes a threat.]] opatoes 9:48 pm I zoned out what are they fighting for? NoodlesAtNight 9:48 pm [[He likely would have even if he received the apple.]] Chaoit 9:48 pm You change appearances in different timelines? chronosmith 9:48 pm It was the only thing keeping that guy at bay. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:48 pm Exactly. Darkscream 9:49 pm *Small sigh.* Takes some of the tension out when we know he survives because we're going "back in time" to view this happening. Me 9:49 pm ((remember: he still must fuck at least once)) Kelpy 9:49 pm Maybe a bit SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:49 pm ((he must fuck before he can die)) NoodlesAtNight 9:50 pm [[We do not know that he survives. They say he was the last to see it. They do not say for how long, or that he lived past that.]] chronosmith 9:50 pm Oh no. It's a tragedy... that character whose name I can't be arsed to remember is dead. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:50 pm Did they even ever name her? Darkscream 9:50 pm *Turns to Blaster.* I do. I might not be one of Amal' offspring, but I've got technology that far surpasses even our own that lets me change. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:50 pm ((seriously, did they name her?)) Chaoit 9:50 pm ....seriously? chronosmith 9:51 pm I legitimately could not tell you. Darkscream 9:51 pm *Nods.* SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:51 pm I cannot remember either. Kelpy 9:51 pm PLot twist this is where he dies. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:51 pm Ugh, look at that disgusting little man. Chaoit 9:51 pm That's...kinda amazing NoodlesAtNight 9:51 pm ((maria.)) Me 9:51 pm ((I BELIEVE I CAN FLY)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:51 pm ((uh no)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:51 pm ((THEY BROKE THE ARM)) MedicalMurdersaurus 9:51 pm (( LOL)) Darkscream 9:52 pm *Laughs.* It is, isn't it? MedicalMurdersaurus 9:52 pm ((he jumped SO HARD in the past that he broke a machine IN THE FUTURE)) Chaoit 9:52 pm Like, what can it do? Kelpy 9:52 pm Are they reading his mind while he's in the memory then Darkscream 9:53 pm It's quite the all-in-one. I can travel through the slips between universes, change my appearance as a Cybertronian, and even take on the form of more organic races such as humans. I still have a solid-light holoform though for when I'm in this form. Kelpy 9:54 pm //and what's that in english MedicalMurdersaurus 9:54 pm ((OMFG)) Darkscream 9:54 pm [pffff eff that guy] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm ((I don't know shit)) Me 9:55 pm ((if they can do all this--look up the date in the DNA, sync it to his mind, read his mind while he's synced to his ancestor's DNA save file--why can't they just... read the save file. wouldn't that be a lot easier than getting a living dude to play through it.)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm ((seriously)) Chaoit 9:55 pm That's....wow. That's a lot of things it can do. opatoes 9:55 pm ((they just enjoy LARPing)) chronosmith 9:55 pm *perks up* Why couldn't we get a movie about this guy? He's got so much more charisma. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:55 pm I know, right? NoodlesAtNight 9:55 pm ((there was some reason or other i heard once for not being able to do the direct reading but i forget it)) Darkscream 9:56 pm Mhm. It was created by a Genome, whom really was the definition of a "mad" scientist. Chaoit 9:56 pm A what? opatoes 9:56 pm I wish I had genes. My legs get really cold sometimes! SCProwl 9:56 pm ((I'm fairly certain they explain they get most of the data as it's re-experienced. unless it's something like in historical records or whatever, so they can't just read the save file as it were ((in the games anyway, the movie skips some explanations obviously Kelpy 9:56 pm //will we ever know whqt he said in arabic and what they're chanting Darkscream 9:57 pm A Genome. Think of a blonde human with a monkey tail, but he's not human SpecsTheSpectralDragon 9:57 pm ((will the rest of this movie involve the historical assassin larp I care about is the queeeeeeeee oh wow fuck it up dude)) chronosmith 9:57 pm ((EEEEY)) ((bless u for that ref darskscream. Best one i n the series)) Kelpy 9:57 pm //i laughed chronosmith 9:57 pm ((... darskscream.)) Darkscream 9:57 pm [😀 ? Darkscream 9:58 pm [Me talking about Genomes, eh? Kelpy 9:58 pm //the ff9 ref chronosmith 9:58 pm ((yes |3c)) Kelpy 9:58 pm //my first ffffff Chaoit 9:58 pm ....huh chronosmith 9:58 pm So does... that mean they're related, or...? Kelpy 9:58 pm //i also then spent a decade looking for a copy after my dad sold his copy when i was like 12 ghnghvn Chaoit 9:58 pm Sounds....silly Darkscream 9:59 pm [I am a neeeeeerd who loves their references and hybrids of gaming. MedicalMurdersaurus 9:59 pm ((Who would have thought that letting a bunch of people with nothing to lose relive their badass assassin ancestor's life experiences would end poorly for you?)) opatoes 10:00 pm ... I wish I had cool ancestors. Darkscream 10:00 pm Sounds silly, but he's extremely smart. Liked to think if you caught his tail he'd pass out. It was honestly cute. spent a lot of his time in a mushroom. MedicalMurdersaurus 10:00 pm What "ancestor" mean? chronosmith 10:00 pm It's a biological thing. opatoes 10:00 pm The bots that raised the bots that raised you! And so on Kelpy 10:00 pm Does he need to be shirtless Chaoit 10:00 pm Huh opatoes 10:01 pm Yes SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:01 pm ((fuck em up lady)) chronosmith 10:01 pm That was the most hilarious *air quote claws* "Security Guard" rush I've ever seen. opatoes 10:01 pm If he didn't, he'd die from heat stroke or something, I think? Me 10:01 pm ((i kind of feel like "nothing is true and everything is permitted" is more the kind of philosophy that leads to redpill MRAs than to badass diverse assassins that challenge the church and protect free will.)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:01 pm ((to be fair, taking off clothes in a sword fight back in the day was a good way to avoid getting fibers in a stab wound and dying of infection)) Chaoit 10:01 pm Well, I don't doubt the smart part, considering what he made for you NoodlesAtNight 10:01 pm ((if i am glad for One Thing about this movie it is that we get at least a decent variety of people being the assassins in modern day)) Darkscream 10:01 pm I came from a very strange place. John was one of the more normal things. I had Tyrannids running around, Zerg causing havoc, Orks being badass, and even some Protoss. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:01 pm *the dragon perks up* I know a protoss. NoodlesAtNight 10:01 pm ((however briefly)) Me 10:01 pm ((yes, i was very pleased to see that)) Chaoit 10:02 pm ....come again? chronosmith 10:02 pm ((Yeah! And subtle note, I like that there are male and female security guards who are treated equally as threats)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:02 pm Protoss. Plant creatures. He's called Byandar. Darkscream 10:02 pm M'not sure we're thinking of the same Protoss? Kelpy 10:02 pm How great would it be if all that suspense and drama and the Columbus thing was a fake out and the apple isn't there at all. chronosmith 10:02 pm Too clever for this snorefest. Darkscream 10:02 pm I lived in a very chaotic world, Blaster. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:03 pm Two, three meters tall? Come in Khalai, Nerazim, and Tal'darim varieties? Bipedal, digitigrade? Chaoit 10:03 pm I can tell Darkscream 10:03 pm Psykers. NoodlesAtNight 10:03 pm ((also re: the philosophy - it may sound like that but you _do_ get a lot of protecting people from that kind of asshole in during the games)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:03 pm Yes, that too. The "no mouths" thing does tip one off. Darkscream 10:03 pm *Whistful sigh.* I miss the Protoss. I don't miss the Nekrons... [I am mixing my games on purpose.] SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:04 pm Byandar seems nice enough. Painfully shy, of course. Me 10:04 pm (("my ancestor pretended to give the apple to chistopher columbus because he knew that 600 years in the future there would be strange metal contraptions powered by electircity and witchcraft that would let them look through my ancestor's eyes to see this moment.")) Darkscream 10:04 pm Though I still have a few bottles of Slaneesh wine. Me 10:04 pm ((no no, i'm sure that they actually do protect the poor and downtrodden in the game.)) Chaoit 10:04 pm ??? Me 10:04 pm ((that just seems like the wrong philosophy for people who protect the poor and downtrodden.)) NoodlesAtNight 10:04 pm ((fair)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:04 pm Anyone who would get thrown through a wormhole and then refuse to return due to social anxiety probably has some issues, though. Darkscream 10:04 pm Wish I could meet Byandar. It's been so long since I've even seen a Protoss. chronosmith 10:05 pm (("my ancestor pretended to give the apple to christopher columbus cos chris was a massive tool even then and it was a hilarious prank)) Chaoit 10:05 pm Annnnnd you've lost me SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm ((WELL GOOD NEWS BYANBYAN IS MY OC AND U CAN MEET HIM FOR 3 POTATO)) Darkscream 10:05 pm *Grins at Blaster* Sorry. Slaneesh is a God of Chaos. One of many SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:05 pm I'll have to send you his comm frequency. He could use the conversation. Darkscream 10:05 pm [*MAKES MASHED POTOATOS* GIMME Kelpy 10:06 pm IS she having all second thoughts and regrets now. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:06 pm (( protoss-menagerie.tumblr.com , or specs6262 on discord)) Kelpy 10:06 pm Because she's still a crappy villain Darkscream 10:06 pm [follow the bbe chronosmith 10:06 pm Yeah. She's like "oh nooo, I did all these horrible things that they're twisting to take away peoples' free will!" When she's been DOING that this whole damn movie. Chaoit 10:07 pm The only God of Chaos I've talked too was drunk off his aft MedicalMurdersaurus 10:07 pm ((she is not cool enuogh for that quote)) Darkscream 10:07 pm Yeah they're not /our/ gods... Kelpy 10:07 pm Didn't she like. KNow fro the START this was the plan Darkscream 10:07 pm You'd be more afraid of them than you would of Unicron. chronosmith 10:07 pm ((if we're talking about a speech about free will I can think of a line OFF THE TOP OF MY HAND that is better than that)) ((...head)) Chaoit 10:08 pm ....wonderful Just what I needed to hear Darkscream 10:08 pm Though some are just so sweet if you can stand them. Not many though. chronosmith 10:08 pm ((any one of the "falls the shadow" refrains from TS Elliot's The Hollow Men)) Darkscream 10:08 pm You don't want to meet Tzeentch unless you want to go crazy or smack him in the faces. Darkscream 10:09 pm [hnn I need to catch up on the Emperor MedicalMurdersaurus 10:09 pm ((SO I have a question. I don't know if the games answer this but, in this movie, the Apple has a complete genetic roadmap for humanity in it. Okay. I'll buy that. So why did anyone hundreds of years ago care? Even if they were super smart enough to understand genes somehow, that wouldn't be ACTIONABLE knowledge. It'd just be a fun fact.)) chronosmith 10:09 pm *exaggerated gagging noises* Chaoit 10:09 pm ..... yeah, you're not helping with that Kelpy 10:10 pm God don't romance them they'd be terrible together NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm ((in game the apples do way, way more)) Darkscream 10:10 pm *Laughs* Just be glad you're not anywhere near Warhammer. NoodlesAtNight 10:10 pm ((from wiki: "The Apples were designed to be able to project images, conjure realistic illusions, and even turn thought into reality; hence, they were used by many great rulers throughout history, proving the efficacy of their powers")) opatoes 10:10 pm just snag it from him and eat it NoodlesAtNight 10:11 pm ((this movie is like... a gross simplification of the whole all the explanations)) Darkscream 10:11 pm How sharp was that dagger... Me 10:11 pm ((why don't the assassins, like... smash the apple)) Chaoit 10:11 pm I am chronosmith 10:11 pm Damn right you did, idiot. Kelpy 10:12 pm Don't take credit for someone else's work You're not even cool enough to do it Chaoit 10:12 pm That place sounds terrifying NoodlesAtNight 10:12 pm ((and also uhhhh where is it. "Apples also contained knowledge of technologies used by the Isu. Like many other Pieces, they were able to "communicate" with people, showing them the schematics necessary to make the technology and transferring knowledge about the manufacturing of the shown devices.[9] A good example of this was Leonardo da Vinci, who studied one of the Apples and invented four war machines, and several other weapons of technology far beyond his own time.")) ((why they didn't smash them is beyond me)) SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:12 pm Smokescreen, I think the Apple is metal. Human teeth do not eat metal. chronosmith 10:12 pm Man. this movie is so bad I can't even get into her revenge subplot. Primus. Kelpy 10:12 pm So. She let him go knowing he'd likely kill her dad, now she wants revenge? Darkscream 10:12 pm *Finishes off her drink that she's been nursing all night. A good drink was best savored.* Kelpy 10:12 pm What happened to that sudden spate of regret SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm I can't even remember her name, either. opatoes 10:13 pm Well, they could learn to eat metal! SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm ... opatoes 10:13 pm Isn't that how they get their genetic traits in this movie? Darkscream 10:13 pm And we'll never get another movie in this line because it was /boring/. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm Smokescreen please never have organic teeth. opatoes 10:13 pm I really hope I never do! Chaoit 10:13 pm Is it over? opatoes 10:13 pm I don't want my teeth to fall out Darkscream 10:13 pm Almost it seems. Dragging it out. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:13 pm I hope it's over. Chaoit 10:14 pm Sheeesh chronosmith 10:14 pm It was also ugly. Like, it felt like a chore for my damn eye. opatoes 10:14 pm 15 minutes of credits? SOUNDWAVE SOUNDWAVE JUPITER ASCENDING MedicalMurdersaurus 10:14 pm *YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWNNNSSS* chronosmith 10:14 pm ((SMOKEY NOOOOo)) Darkscream 10:14 pm [BEE] chronosmith 10:14 pm ((you're going to kill us)) Me 10:14 pm ((LORD i've never seen jupiter ascending but i kinda wanna)) ((HEY HEY BEE TRAILER BEE TRAILER)) opatoes 10:14 pm ((honestly i had a lot of fun watching it! opatoes 10:15 pm ((it's a visually nice movie i will say! Me 10:15 pm ((good action sequences)) opatoes 10:15 pm ((bees Darkscream 10:15 pm [pffft NoodlesAtNight 10:15 pm ((time marker: 10:35.)) chronosmith 10:15 pm ((I went in with lowered expectations and all it did was frustrate me at every turn. A few good ideas scattered in a mess of a movie)) Chaoit 10:15 pm ..... chronosmith 10:15 pm ((the reptile alien was cool tho)) opatoes 10:16 pm Oh! I have some useless inventions chronosmith 10:16 pm *peers* MedicalMurdersaurus 10:16 pm Bird. Me Swoop sleeeeeepy. SpecsTheSpectralDragon 10:16 pm *the dragon stretches out* I should head on back. Goodnight, Soundwave, Ravage, Whirl, everyone! NoodlesAtNight 10:16 pm [[Goodnight.]] chronosmith 10:16 pm Seeya, dragon. Darkscream 10:16 pm Human stupidity never ceases to amaze me. [specs, the bebbeh Chaoit 10:16 pm What...the.... MedicalMurdersaurus 10:17 pm *blink blinks slowly* opatoes 10:17 pm ... Soundwave, do you know any buts who could hug me? I really don't feel good shrinking and growing all the time, and I want to be back to normal. Kelpy 10:17 pm //i dunno, butterone could be useful for disabled people with hand problems from nerve damage or something Kelpy 10:17 pm //specifically, those unable to use knivves chronosmith 10:17 pm agreed)) Darkscream 10:17 pm [I had a pet rock Me 10:17 pm ((USB pet rock is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen)) chronosmith 10:17 pm ((ALSO AGREED)) NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm [[...Tarantulas has many arms?]] *He doesn't know who does hugs. He doesn't do hugs.* chronosmith 10:18 pm ((how dare you this is an AMAZING INVENTION)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:18 pm *streeeeeeeeeeetches his arms and wings* chronosmith 10:18 pm ...well, Ravage. opatoes 10:18 pm True! True, I'll have to ask him. He gives really, really good hugs, too. NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm =Do and die.= chronosmith 10:18 pm When are you going to get a fabulous do? Darkscream 10:18 pm *Laughs.* NoodlesAtNight 10:18 pm *Rumble points at the baby mop.* //I wanna do that.// chronosmith 10:19 pm Pfft, I'M not going to do anything. I know nothing about fashion. I mean, seriously. *gestures to all of him* Does this look like a mech who knows FASHION? NoodlesAtNight 10:19 pm //Looks fun as frag. Wigglin' across the floor to clean it.// Chaoit 10:19 pm Anyway chronosmith 10:19 pm PFFT. Well. I mean. *snickers* One way to get Dancitron clean. Oh, oh, get this one, Ravage! Kelpy 10:19 pm I mean, doesn't look that bad??? a personal tv would be cool NoodlesAtNight 10:19 pm [[You look fashionable to him.]] Darkscream 10:19 pm M'yes, Blaster? opatoes 10:19 pm ... Give me the hat wig chronosmith 10:20 pm I question your judgment, in that case, Soundwave. But thanks. Chaoit 10:20 pm So, the thing can do quite a few things Darkscream 10:20 pm Aye? MedicalMurdersaurus 10:20 pm *slumps forward until he's folded over like he's melting mid-yoga pose* chronosmith 10:20 pm (dbnesjf THE ARMLESS ONE)) opatoes 10:20 pm .... I want one Darkscream 10:21 pm *Shrieks in laughter suddenly.* Me 10:21 pm ((okay the velcro remote control headband is the most hilarious-looking thing i've ever seen)) NoodlesAtNight 10:21 pm ((this one beats it)) chronosmith 10:21 pm *outright laughing* Chaoit 10:22 pm So, you said it allows you to change into quite a few things? Darkscream 10:22 pm *Trying to stop laughing first to talk.* Many things. NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm *BANANAS.* Kelpy 10:23 pm //bana slicer is actually a disability tool NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm [[...This looks useful.]] chronosmith 10:23 pm ((SOUNDWAVE'S WEAPON OF CHOICE)) Me 10:23 pm ((A WEAPON TO USE AGAINST YOUR ENEMIES SOUNDWAVE)) ((oh the zigzag one is cute)) NoodlesAtNight 10:23 pm ((i honestly like things that slice things for me)) Chaoit 10:23 pm ......... Kelpy 10:23 pm //like it's legit created and marketed for those with disabilityes involing their hands Me 10:24 pm ((i believe it. it looks like an actual disability aid)) NoodlesAtNight 10:24 pm ((that's good!! and very very useful)) ((chopping things is nervewracking when you've got shaky hands, at the very least)) Chaoit 10:24 pm How often have you needed to use it, though? chronosmith 10:24 pm ((yeah, a lot of "useless" infomercial stuff is specifically designed as tools for folks with disabilities!)) Kelpy 10:24 pm //i read an article earlier and they quoted the company who makes it and yeah, it's a legitmiately marked disability aid for those who've had strokes, or the elderly with shaking hands. the sock puller upper is ALSO a disability tool chronosmith 10:24 pm Spin the bottle? MedicalMurdersaurus 10:25 pm *starts breathign deeply* NoodlesAtNight 10:25 pm ((i have never seen these videos so i apologize if more disability aids get into them, i am mostly curious about stuff like this electric spin the bottle rubbish)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:25 pm *is now a one dino-pile* Darkscream 10:25 pm More often than you'd think. I've traveled quite often through the multiverse... and I think Swoop passed out. chronosmith 10:25 pm ((You're good neddles! I know you'd give a much more tasteful commentary if it was you <3 )) Kelpy 10:25 pm //lmao i've never seen them either but yeah a lot of the useless invention videos include them bc people don't realize that's what they are Kelpy 10:25 pm //alsio i would absolutely like a portable microwave MedicalMurdersaurus 10:26 pm *is passed out* Kelpy 10:26 pm Is Swoop okay Darkscream 10:26 pm *Finds Swoop sleeping absolutely adorable.* Chaoit 10:26 pm Um... He's out NoodlesAtNight 10:26 pm ((oh my god)) Kelpy 10:26 pm //dfbfgb opatoes 10:26 pm that. that bot is going to start a revolution Darkscream 10:27 pm [hey look chronosmith 10:27 pm *looks at his feet* I've never tried socks. Obviously. I don't think it'd work out. opatoes 10:27 pm Socks are pretty cozy! They don't work well for us, though. Me 10:27 pm ((eyyy, speaking of actual disability aids. there was a post about a version of this on tumblr a while ago)) NoodlesAtNight 10:27 pm ((oh?)) Me 10:27 pm ((OH MY GOD)) Kelpy 10:27 pm //yeah that's the article i learned the banana slicer was a disability aid opatoes 10:28 pm ..... can I put this on me Me 10:28 pm ((the abhancer)) MedicalMurdersaurus 10:28 pm *is going to keep on zzzzing until he is done napping or until Bird wants him to zzzz somewhere else* chronosmith 10:28 pm ((amazin)) Darkscream 10:28 pm Soundwave, is Swoop alright sleeping like that? NoodlesAtNight 10:28 pm [[We'll move him in seven minutes.]] Me 10:28 pm ((oh yeah this one definitely is too)) Kelpy 10:29 pm //yeah lmao. Chaoit 10:29 pm ((yup Darkscream 10:29 pm [cleaning that though has to be a bit iffy opatoes 10:29 pm ((yeahhh like... so many of these products for "lazy" people are just... Kelpy 10:29 pm //gotta wonder if anyone's ever been told after posting one of these videos that all their lazy video items are actually disability aids NoodlesAtNight 10:29 pm ((.....i'm sorta looking at this going "want this, want that, want this")) Kelpy 10:29 pm //same?? NoodlesAtNight 10:30 pm ((let's just enjoy the products)) chronosmith 10:30 pm ((o7)) Kelpy 10:30 pm //frankly i'd like an auto cat scooper lmao Darkscream 10:30 pm [Cat is kind of BAD for your health, so, this is a good thing [....AND THENTHIS MedicalMurdersaurus 10:30 pm ((We used to have an electric literbox. Let me tell you what, that thing was FAR more work than just a normal one.)) Kelpy 10:30 pm //unsurprising Me 10:30 pm ((... did the sound go out or did my headphones, like, spontaneously stop working?)) Kelpy 10:31 pm //we turned off sound lmao chronosmith 10:31 pm ((Neddles muted the annoying announcer)) NoodlesAtNight 10:31 pm ((i muted it cause i was tired of him calling them all lazy)) Me 10:31 pm ((oh okay good)) ((might wanna turn the caps off too)) chronosmith 10:31 pm ((i have one image for u neddles))

NoodlesAtNight 10:31 pm ((WHAT IN GOD'S NAME)) chronosmith 10:31 pm ((i owe you my life)) Darkscream 10:32 pm [WAT Chaoit 10:32 pm ((YIKES NoodlesAtNight 10:32 pm ((AUTOMATIC SCISSORS!!!)) ((yes please)) chronosmith 10:32 pm Borg hammock(( Darkscream 10:32 pm [Good for long cloth I'd bet, but not shorter work Me 10:32 pm ((hahaha the bike burger holder)) Me 10:33 pm ((im digging it)) Chaoit 10:33 pm Humans are weird Me 10:33 pm ((graze at your burger like a horse with a feed sack)) Darkscream 10:33 pm [I'm hungry now. I should of eaten earlier cause I need to take my pill opatoes 10:33 pm ((i remember this one video series i saw a bit of that looked at some of those from tv things and tried them out and suggested similar enough alternatives? that was fairly interesting ngl MedicalMurdersaurus 10:33 pm ((Okay. I'm going to go to bed. Feel free to physically move Swoop around or just leave him be. Honestly, y'all just have fun with him ragdolling around XD)) NoodlesAtNight 10:33 pm ((rest well!)) Chaoit 10:33 pm ((that's asking for it to spring itself into someone Darkscream 10:33 pm [Nini! opatoes 10:34 pm ((nini!! Darkscream 10:34 pm [COOKIE chronosmith 10:34 pm *streeetches* All right, I'm out. Seeya, losers. *bobs his head to the room in general* You too, Rumble. *additional bob, and then a moment where he gives an exaggerated "hmmm" face. it's very convincing* And you, too, Frenzy. opatoes 10:34 pm coooooookie NoodlesAtNight 10:34 pm *Soundwave stretches.* [[All right. He should close down for the night.]] Me 10:34 pm ((*grabs swoop by the butt and shakes him to watch all his limbs flail*)) opatoes 10:34 pm Awww. Do you need any help finishing off drinks for the night? Me 10:34 pm ((that's the only way to play with ragdolls)) NoodlesAtNight 10:34 pm //Seeya, Whirl. I'll head with ya next time?// \\OOH OOH, ME TOO.\\ Kelpy 10:34 pm Welp, I should definitely get back. Oh! Did you remember to pick up your octopus? Chaoit 10:34 pm Yeah. I should be heading back home too chronosmith 10:34 pm Sure thing! *salutes* You two're always welcome. Darkscream 10:35 pm *Gets up and rolls her shoulders.* Was nice to see you again, Blaster. NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[He will pick the octopus up shortly.]] Kelpy 10:35 pm Alright. I'll go get it ready to go then. Night! opatoes 10:35 pm ... Actually- wait, did I ever give you that octopus I got, Soundwave? Chaoit 10:35 pm Nice to see you in a less dangerous situation NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[You did not.]] *...Is he about to get TWO?* Chaoit 10:35 pm Good night! opatoes 10:35 pm ... Do you want to come by later and maybe get the covenant and read the octopus? I mean. NoodlesAtNight 10:35 pm [[Goodnight, those of you leaving. Blaster.]] Darkscream 10:35 pm Night Blaster. Get home safe. *Wings twitch.* Octopuses? opatoes 10:35 pm I need to rest, but you know what I mean. NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm [[That sounds fine.]] Me 10:36 pm ((READ THE OCTOPUS, SOUNDWAVE)) Chaoit 10:36 pm -waves and is soon gone- Me 10:36 pm ((TELL US WHAT IT THINKS)) NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm *HE'S GONNA* chronosmith 10:36 pm ((DISCOVER ITS SECRETS)) opatoes 10:36 pm ((DON'T GET THE COVENANT THOUGH!! NO STEALING!! NoodlesAtNight 10:36 pm [[Yes. Octopuses made their way into the multiverse mechs' hands. He is going to find a home for them.]] *Here. The home is here.* ((TOO LATE YOU SAID HE COULD)) opatoes 10:36 pm ((smokescreen will cry that's like. the closest remaining connection he has to some of his mentors NoodlesAtNight 10:37 pm ((fine fine he'll be good)) opatoes 10:37 pm ((also he'll tell megatron Darkscream 10:37 pm *Makes a little trill-like sound.* Really now? I guess the grays have been active handing out the little guys. NoodlesAtNight 10:38 pm [[These things go around. It was protoforms, last time.]] [[But, he must close. Tanks won't set themselves up.]] Darkscream 10:38 pm *Looks at Swoop passed out then back over.* Need any help? opatoes 10:38 pm ... Can I help set up the tanks? What kind of things do you do for these long-term tanks? NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm [[No, no. The twins can carry him. He's only going to Laserbeak's quarters anyway. She will keep an eye on him until he wakes.]] [[And he would prefer to set the tanks up himself, but thank you.]] *Doesn't want anyone to see That Room Upstairs.* opatoes 10:39 pm Fair enough! Night, Soundwave. See you later. NoodlesAtNight 10:39 pm *They'll question why there's a whole Earth style habitat up there.* NoodlesAtNight 10:40 pm [[Goodnight.]] opatoes 10:40 pm /Hey Smokescreen's got no room to judge, he's got a greenhouse!/ Darkscream 10:40 pm Ah, Laserbeak. I didn't want to assume if it was her or Buzzsaw. NoodlesAtNight 10:40 pm [[It is her. Buzzsaw is... reclusive.]] Darkscream 10:41 pm That's a shame. *Shakes her helm.* I miss the minicons from my world. It's nice to see they're alive and well here though. NoodlesAtNight 10:42 pm [[Quite. 327 in just this area.]] Darkscream 10:42 pm *Wings perk up.* Really? NoodlesAtNight 10:42 pm [[Yes. We are quite a happy settlement.]] NoodlesAtNight 10:43 pm [[But, again. It is past hours. If you require a place to stay, he offers to connect you to a mech in New Praxus or New Kaon, as you prefer.]] Darkscream 10:44 pm Ah, right. Sorry, Soundwave. I'll be fine finding someplace in the outdoors if I'm not intruding on some territory. Might go check out the Rust Sea before settling in for the night. NoodlesAtNight 10:45 pm [[As you wish. Be careful. He does not want police at his door asking about your remnants.]] *He only wants police at his door if they're there for very different things.* Darkscream 10:46 pm Thanks for the warning, but I'll be fine. If an army of Nekrons can't kill me.. Oh. Before I go... NoodlesAtNight 10:46 pm [[Yes?]] Darkscream 10:48 pm *Goes into subspace for something.* Where did I... *Her arm goes nearly all the way in as the grumbles about pockets. Grins and pulls out a plastic box.* If you're going to get some octopuses soon, you'll want these. If they're the big variety, this is vacuum packed shark. Little ones. I run into a lot of species out there. NoodlesAtNight 10:49 pm *Soundwave takes the box with a feeler and gives it a suspicious glance before setting it onto a couch nearby. If it's going to blow up before he can scan it, better the couch than him.* [[Thank you.]] Darkscream 10:50 pm *Not going to blow up. Understands the caution.* Hope I get to visit again. Thanks for the drink, Ravage! *Waves and heads out the door.* NoodlesAtNight 10:51 pm *Nods after her and motions for the twins to take Swoop upstairs. He'll be along in a moment, himself. Work to do!*

[fantroll-purgatory]

Phomet Burzum Review

Alternia

They’re they/them and where one of my original struggles was deciding whether they’re boy or girl, I think I’d rather keep it ambiguous. Not sure if the sprite helpfully evokes that. This is mainly playing into the idea that the Sabbatic goat possesses all sexual characteristics to be ‘both’ at once, and with how Norse Seidhrs (magic practitioners) were generally woman with magic being seen as a womanly thing. Despite this, Odin himself is shown to study and use Seidhr magic, so that’s fun.

I love that they’re nonbinary and tbh you don’t need justification for them to be nonbinary any more than you’d need justification for them to be a boy or girl. (Everyone please send us more nb trolls we have so few and I love them all dearly). I would…caution you about creating a nonbinary character using the reasoning that Baphomet has intersex characteristics, since those two things are neither synonymous nor even really related at all? I mean I love this androgynous kid and will die for them and will pour my heart and soul into the redesign in which I maintain their gender ambiguity but just. Y’know? And there’s still enough reasoning for them to be nb on the basis that subverting gender norms is very much a part of punk culture and that Seidhr does indeed have a murky history in terms of which gender “should” use it so it still holds if you need a narrative reason.

Name: Phomet Burzum

‘Phomet' is from a shortening of ‘Baphomet’ which is the goat-headed figure that has come to represent the Sabbatic Goat, tying to their symbol and minor Satanic themes.

Burzum is the word for ‘darkness’ in Black Speech from The Lord of the Rings series.

God I love that’s he’s a little bit similar to a troll I recently reviewed. Hecate Bafmet and Phomet Burzum: BFFs 4 LYFE (however short Phomet’s may be)! Skulking around in the dark! You’d better watch out, you’d better watch out, *you’d better watch out,* *YOU’D BETTER WATCH OUT*! These two unsavory characters are comiiiing to tooown.

Strife Specibus:Axekind for now mainly as a joke on an ‘axe’ as a guitar slang term. Could instead do ‘guitarkind’ and have it go into axes later a la Rose’s knitting needle kind acting as wands.

Fetch Modus: Cryptogram - Has to spell out words with musical notes. Probably gonna use the French method for simplicity.

Blood color: Rustblood - Blooooood. But no, they’re a rustblood kinda based off a concept I had. With the True Sign of Aries being a Time one, with the social pressures kinda forcing Time as a concept over the rust caste, I’m making a cult based off Death Metal aesthetics rather than juggalos. Some sort of redblood solidarity where they wear corpsepaint. It’s meant to be a kind of mirror to the Juggalo cult, who are mirthful and the highest land caste, whereas this Metalhead cult is more stoic, macabre and comprised of the lowest ladndwelling caste. Dunno.

I do know!!! That’s metal as FUCK. Also I’m DEF adding corpse paint to their sprite!!!

Symbol and meaning:It’s a goat head, referencing the Sabbatic goat.

As with the previous troll I reviewed, it reads well and matches Aries “sign language,” and I’ll see what I assign them after looking at their aspect and moon.

With that said, since I’ve now made a similar comment twice in a row I think it’s worth going back and establishing what exactly does make a sign fit its caste’s language in case anyone wants to do a fan sign beyond the extended zodiac that could still plausibly fit within canon…

Trolltag: Nothing yet, used to be ‘cantankerousGrendel’ but I’m not sure it’d fit them these days.

Given that you’ve worked them into a death cult, how about culminateGeneration? It also works with their Void aspect.

Quirk:They talk lyke thys tü be as BRÜTAL as possyble - They replace ‘I’ and the matching sounds with ‘y’ and replace ‘u’ and matching sounds with ü. This is meant to mimic the trends a lot of metal bands to to their names in order to look cooler.

hjfsdk;l when I said that with the umlauts it honest to god sounds like someone trying to do a goat imitation so PERF. Also brings to mind associations with Brütal Legend so I figure we’re gonna take this WAY over the top.

Special Abilities (if any):They’re a magic practitioner, and regularly communes with mysterious dark entites (Horroterrors) for song advice and inspiration. In return, their resulting music often carries a lot of eldritch effects to it, which Phomet doesn’t mind because it looks so BRUTAL.

Lusus: (I’m proud of this) Pentaram - It’s… a goat head with five spider legs. It’s species doesn’t live long, they can barely move around because they have five fucking legs to support a whole goat head. Not even big ones, they’re just about average. Phomet hates their lusus and thinks it’s completely lame. When it gets sprites and is this not bound to the cruel mistress of gravity, it looks WAY cooler. Mainly based on the Sabbatic goat again, this time with the goat-headed pentagram.

dhgsljk;lafjha;jeg I love them so much. They’re a Parentaram.

Personality: Honestly, this is kinda where I struggle the most. The most I can think of is Nathan Explosion from Metalocalypse. Their voice is a similar growly type.

The character you seem to have created with Phomet is one who is very attracted to the lük of things and not to the substance. I like that for a Void player! Their interests in stuff is initially superficial, ‘empty.’ This sets them up for a very interesting arc in which they will need to actually face up to what they’re doing, the good the bad and the ugly. Dig a little deeper into this theme! You can do a lot with it.

Interests: Magic, music (playing guitar, listening to bands, composing their own stuff, singing), occult studies, looking up brutal and gruesome things online (basically an average troll google), haircare.

Title: Knight of Void - Off the bat, I’m in the 'Knights are passive’ camp and that their class verb is 'Serve’. I often try and approach my Knight characters from different perspectives but they all more or less come to the same thing, so it’s cool.

(ʘ‿ʘ ) You have come to…a blog that does not actually subscribe to that verbiage so my advice from here on out may not apply…

Anyways, their interest and dabbling with dark, esoteric magic is a good link to Void in my opinion. Forbidden, unknowable things that are best left obfuscated. The Horrorterrors are very Void-coded, such as how people can interpret Rose’s Grimdark status as her acting as a Void player, as well as residing in the Furthest ring, furthest from the Light of prospit.

Phomet regularly communes and 'serves’ Horroterrors in the way similar to a Warlock from Dungeons and Dragons serves their patron. What Phomet gets out of this is some kickass riffs and lyrics whilst the HTs just get another emissary or plaything.

I…hm. I mean I think Knight of Void actually does apply here just not for the reasons that you do. Knights tend to be drowning in their aspect, and Phomet is definitely doing so here.  They’re surrounded by secrets and horrorterrors and have almost no understanding of the depth of the forces with which they’ve involved themselves. Ideally, a Knight would grow to eventually wield the very things under which they’re being suffocated.

I’ve not really thought about personality in regards to this classpect, that’s what I’m struggling most with them.

Yeah, if we look at someone like a Dave or a Latula, Knights tend to come off as very superficially cool specifically because they don’t understand that they should be concerned by everything they’re overwhelmed with. I think you’re fine just making Phomet a punk #aesthetic kid like many of us were in middle school and letting them come into their own from there.

Land: Nada

Does this mean you didn’t assign one or that they don’t have one??? Because the latter would be really interesting if you want to give them no choice but to consort with horrorterrors; if they, for example, die before getting in and wake up on their moon after a kiss, they might find that their planet never manifested/was destroyed before they could enter.

Or, if you do ant them to have a planet, how about Land of Metal and Mirrors? It would fit their aesthetic really well and also be a sly dig at their own vanity, with mirrors that show warped reflections or aspects of themself that they don’t like. The way to reach the denizen would be to accept all reflections as true expressions of themself, allowing them to warp between mirrors (including one located at the heart of the planet, inaccesible by any natural means).

Dream Planet: I wanna say Derse, but Prospit would be a nice ironic fate for them.

I think this is a question of what you want to do with them. It’s not as simple as Prospit = nerdy goofballs and Derse = edgy coolkids, though that may be what someone gets if they initially saw the moons to which the kids were assigned. Vriska, one of Homestuck’s most famously murderous and grey-moral characters, is a Prospit player. This is because her character’s focus is on Destiny. She relies heavily on predestination and is all about living up to be the grand hero she knows she’s meant to be. If you want Phomet’s arc to be about breaking free of forces to which they’ve dedicated themself with little understanding, you’d go with Derse (which is my pick, personally, especially because it puts the horrorterrors right in their ear before they even get into the game). If you think that they have a destiny to fulfill (even a dark one like eventually becoming the horrorterrors’ permanent plaything), then you’ll wanna go with Prospit.

So. With A Void assignation and a Derse moon, we get Arittarius, The Sign of The Astronaut. And interesting pick, especially if we go with the concept that they don’t have a personal planet! So let’s move to the redesign!

So. You may have noticed that Phomet has undergone something of a transformation. Let’s go top to bottom on this.

Horns - I gave them a new set of horns to match their new symbol. We already have a troll with this symbol, but I didn’t want to repeat her horns on them and their new pair looks like the tops of eighth notes as a nod to their musical inclinations!

Hair - So the thing about death metal fashion is that the folks in it have great hair, but it’s not necessarily as neat as Phomet’s original style. Their hair also tends to be longer, and chin-length on a Homestuck sprite sometimes translates to ear-length in Hero Mode, so I really wanted to hit the length home. I pulled this straight from a fan-troll sprite sheet, then added some definition at the top. One of the little cowlicks got lost behind their horn, but I wanted there to be five directly surrounding their face to reference the pentagram.

Corpse paint - I pulled the colors directly off Gamzee’s face to further drive home the mirrored implications. I even mirrored Phomet’s own face paint to make it look a little like a Rorschach blot. Finally, I futzed with their mouth makeup until it kind of looked like the silhouette of a goat head?

Eyes - So part of maintaining an androgynous look is to make things a Little Unsure. Did I add eyelash definition to their eyes or did I just make them more diamond shaped?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Who knows. We’ve seen undereye makeup exactly ONCE on a troll but I liked how it made their bags stand out so I applied it over the corpsepaint.

Mouth - Hey :V Did you know goats don’t actually have upper teeth? That’s all just one gum, baby. I found this out while spriting Phomet’s mouth and now I have to live with that information and you do too. They have an underbite now, and just enough lip definition to make you cock your head. Is that lipstick? Are their lips just full?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Vest - I added some pockets to make them more utilitarian

Symbol - t b h this one just looks like a totally plausible variant of the symbol you already gave me.

Belt - It is. A SPIKE BELT.

Boots - constantly use fantrollartroom’s combat boot sprite???? MOI? Yes, yes I do, they have done a better job of spriting combat boots than I ever could and I love combat boots and they’re metal as hell so they get some.

So that concludes our review! Luv this scamp please get them a comb for me.

-TR

[eviipaiadin]

12

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

There’s a reason I tag our campaign as ‘Dungeons & Shitposting’. But here’s a list of all the dumb in-jokes I’ve had over my years of playing and running games. (Under a read more because it’s a lot)

D&D 4e or ‘OTK the Campaign’

“Bards are just better warlords!”

“I’m working with this really cool archfey. She’s kinda underground, you’ve probably never heard of her.”

Raviel Thade, Door-to-Door Raven Queen Salesperson

“...You never said that your Vicious Mockery was dealing non-lethal damage to the cow...”

“I’m a paladin, right? That means these villagers respect me, right?”

“...And there goes the halfling, hoping to hitchhike to meet some competent adventurers...”

Homestuck 4e or ‘I Am The Only Person In This Damn Campaign That Doesn’t Know No Houseglueds’

“Evii, do you have a +1 in any stat at all?”

“His name is literally ‘Villain’. I ain’t trusting him.”

Pokemon Religion vs Fusion Science

“Why are you guys laughing so hard? All I did was push him down some stairs.”

Legends or ‘The Origins of Captain Creig Cornswaggle, the Courageous Commander of The Cruel Craven and Co-Owner of The Crow’s Call’

Literally anything about Captain Creig Cornswaggle, the Courageous Commander of The Cruel Craven and Co-Owner of The Crow’s Call

“Diplomancy: Friendship Really is Magic.”

“...And then I stuck her with my shadow sword!” | “Is that what kids are calling it nowadays?”

“Ew, I can’t believe you’re into dead people.” | “For the last time, I’m a necroMANCER not a necroPHILIAC!”

Gregory the goblin head

“No, we are not selling the avatar of god into slave labour.” | “BUT THINK OF THE PROFITS THAT COULD BE USED FOR ORPHANAGES, GERARD! YOU LOVE THAT WEIRD GOODY-TWO-SHOES SHIT, RIGHT?!”

“If you’re gonna threaten us to kill something for you and you’re that tough, do it your damn self.”

“Voice is a privilege reserved for the GM and the GM alone. You players peasants must use text.”

“I can’t fucking believe the fate of the world once again rests in the hands of the two (2) short ones.”

“No, you cannot build a mountain of corpses to escape. I’M RAILROADING YOU SO I CAN REINTRODUCE A PLAYER CHARACTER. STOP BEING DIFFICULT.”

“I surrender, suckers.”

“My pirate gear is the HEIGHT of fashion. Keep your stinkin’ tux to yourself.”

Fate or ‘Evii Makes a Weird Character for Extended Pun Purposes’

Peter ‘Pan’ Handel

“He’s 50% man, 50% goat, 50% alligator.”

“You still sound Russian. Gimme some more vodka, maybe that’ll fix it.”

(It was a single very short session so not much memes there, unfortunately.)

World of Darkness or ‘Deadbeat Dirty Drug Cop and Rich Kid with a Penchant for Speed Ruin Everything at Record Speed’

“I slap him with the mummy hand.”

“How many levels do I need to put into [stat] before I can dual-wield shotguns?”

“How many sanity points does it cost for me to make a one-liner here?”

“We might not have a silver bullet. But maybe there’s enough silver in the five hundred (500) bullets we pumped into him to do the trick.”

“I can’t believe our most powerful ally is a devil hooker.”

Pokemon Tabletop Adventures 1 or ‘Lie Detector is Overpowered’

“Your character is [age between 20-55]? None of these tokens work for that.”

“I attempt to read the sign.” | “It says [whatever’s on the sign].” | “HEY GUYS, THE SIGN SAYS [whatever’s on the sign]!”

“My ahegao is a built-in lie detector.” | “YOUR WHAT?!” | “You know, the dumb single standing up hair.” | “THAT’S NOT WHAT AHEGAO MEANS, EVII!!”

“I believe in my Shuppet. So that means it does an extra... 8d6 damage.” | “Fuck off.”

Pokemon Tabletop Adventures 2 or ‘Who Let Me Be In Charge?!’

Bipen begins.

“Oh no, not Bidoofs!”

“...So you killed her Charmander.” | “OOPS!”

D&D 5e 1 or ‘The Wheatley Featherstep Saga’

Another character that exists for Evii to make bad puns

“Kaiser is the best and the strongest and can beat Baphomet with two (2) arms tied behind her back.”

Decibel the definitely-a-drow

Owly the owl

“So you can’t actually roll low enough to be hit by the aftermath explosions from these things...”

Decibel dying and immediately being reincarnated by a giant magic thing

Wheatley banishing Baphomet and all the demons back to the Abyss by accident, saving Kaiser and also kicking off the Wedding Crashers Arc

Wheatley’s Double Death Room

Wheatley, Lawful Good Monk, befriends local Chaotic Evil vrock

Wheatley adopts a fire snake after being complicit in murdering her family (oops!)

Halfling Lucky can’t save you if you roll a billion 1s in a row

Sultan of Many Titles vs Chiyoko of Many Titles+1

“You know, if you had actually had the Deck of Many Things on your person, you would’ve auto-won the encounter.”

“Why can’t I beat an 11 on Insight checks?!”

D&D 5e 2 or ‘Dungeons & Shitposting’

“Salith has the strongest drow fists in existence.”

“She has a tentacle rod and we are ending the conversation there.”

“Bitch!”

[Arceusawful Russian accent] “What do you call dark elf who cannot swim?”

Kana the NPC slayer

“For the Sea Mothah!” [fish slap]

“I fucking hate spiders.” | “I fucking love spiders!” (These two (2) characters are now dating.)

The Nature Society has made lumberjacking illegal.

Everything about Nappa/Cabbage, really

“’Allo! My name is, ‘ow you say, Ree Asho!”

The Cavalry

I am kana man 410,757,864,530 DEAD KOBOLDS

“Hey Frank”

 Speedrunning the campaign

“Look you guys, the beholder isn’t even at full power!”

Potion of Good Performance (not actually a sex thing!)

A traditional derro and kuo-toa burial

“The tree did it!”

The Messenger’s Guild

The Cyrus is Framed and No One has Fun for at Least Five (5) Sessions Arc

The Return of Bipen (”I’m a Dragon~!”)

The Return of Captain Creig Cornswaggle, the Courageous Commander of The Cruel Craven and Co-Owner of The Crow’s Call

The Tomb of Pharaoh Phasulias, Home of Pharaoh Phasulias

Demon lycanthropy is extra bad lycanthropy

Torchguard Commander Rickert is tired, grumpy, but kinda hot (at least to Navi)

“You’re Linda!!” (can’t remember if that was the right name)

The We Kinda Got Invited to a Wedding But Only a Few of Us are Still Playing the Characters that Knew the NPCs Getting Married so the Impact is Greatly Lessened as a Result Arc

Yoil Kreth and the Mechanized Execution Combative Heavy Axe (MECHA for short)

Oh Boy More Travelling NPCs We Really Don’t Care About

My awful impressions of Cyrus and Bipen when their players aren’t around

Fluffy is a Good BoyTM

Themberchaud the Fat Cat Dragon

Thesmachaud is buff, scary, but kinda hot (at least to Kana)

“Oh god we killed Buppido!”

“Your demon sense senses a billion (1,000,000,000) demons.”

D&D 5e 3 or ‘Evil Squad’

>hags

The Conch Horn Plan

Mr. Skeletal the First to Mr. Skeletal the Third

Magnifying glass

Portable ram

KOTA WE’RE ALL DUMBASSES JUST TELL US THE FUCKING ANSWER

“GIVE ME BACK KUBAZAN!” | “HE’S MINE, YOU GAVE HIM UP!”

“Okay, I am not gonna put my hand back in that hole.”

“OUR GODDESS WAS A 2WHO?!” (Related: “IS THAT A 2WHO?!”)

Thanks, druid friend, for your important contributions

“Leviathan!” | “It’s Laevaetaen!” | “Laeviathan!”

D&D 5e Mini or ‘I Miss You, Hug-Hug’

“Fuck you, I’m muting my mic for the rest of this session.”

Hug-Hug being the cutest lil gobbo ever

The Ten Billion (10,000,000,000) Hour Sacrifice Debate Room

D&D 5e 4 or ‘I Hate Time Travel’

:rasande_confused:

Soul micromanaging everyone’s characters

:salazar_dark:

“Keep the fisting to a minimum, my monkish friend.”

Barin, Champion of Booze

[insert ff14 realm reborn cutscene instead of narration here]

“Wait, our group is the one (1) that best understands this plot?!”

D&D 5e 5 or ‘Spooky Shadowfell Scures’

John ‘Thicccc’ Taric

“I have a very sharp shovel.”

[goggles that make you have night vision]

“Form of...!”

i’m missing some smaller one-shots and stuff but i can’t think of any major memes to come from them

[ceasarslegion]

Actually, in this house we infodump without prompt.

here we go y’all

Let’s get some context for them first, yeah? The series itself is called Empty Empires, which came from this song I heard at a steampunk event in 2017 and thought it perfectly captured the tone and content of the early drafts I was working on. Because I just didn’t have a name for this story for a full year. Content before names, guys. I’d also want that song to play over the credits in the very slim chance someone wanted to adapt it for the screen.

So on its most basic level, this story’s an allegory for the long-term effects of colonialism and neoliberalism. But in space. Consider humans: imagine a world where we have overcome all possible bigotry and have found a globalized identity in simply being “human.” Systemic racism no longer exists. The wealth gap is a thing of antiquity that kids study in school. At least on Earth Now set it 2000 years in the future, when space exploration is at its peak, human supremacy is rampant, and space colonialism is an ugly reality. Any alien species is classified based on how humanoid they appear, and whether they verbally communicate. The less humanoid you are, and the less verbal communication you can do, the less you are afforded any civil rights and the more you are seen as a lesser species no matter what you bring to the table. That is, if your species isn’t wiped out altogether. IF you marry a human, it’s highly illegal, and the children of that union tend to look like random splices of physical attributes, thus the derogatory term “splicer” was born.

This is set on a colonized planet that was drained of its resources and left to die once it couldn’t produce anything more for Earth’s bigwigs. It’s a total, utter slum. Any semblance of government it had when Earth was overseeing it after driving the planetary natives out fell to street gangs.

So, you have the basic context. Let’s get into these characters!!

Top left is Dennis. In case you couldn’t tell, he’s half human and half alien. His father was a bank teller from Kenya, and his mother was planetary native. However, his parents were killed by the authorities and he was ripped away from them and placed in a “correctional school” when he was around 5 or 6 in order to “save the human half.” His native name and language were stolen from him, and to this day he doesn’t remember either of them. He’s on the more human-looking side of most mixed kids, so his hands are bandaged up because he plucks out the feathers that grow on them and down his arms in an attempt to look more “purely” human. He wears a mask to hide the down feathers that make up his beard and the wolf-like teeth that he has. Sunglasses for the eyes, but nothing can be done about those horns, ears, the claws on his hands and feet, or that thin, fluffy blue tail. He’s actually supposed to have one shattered horn because he tried to saw them off when he was a teenager, but piccrew didn’t have that option. If any of y’all make a homestuck joke about his horn design I will send you to the shadow realm. My plans for him involve heavy Black Panther Party imagery, but I won’t spoil the rest

Top right is Richie. Or Richard Nguyen. He’s our POV character, and an alcoholic con artist. He lives fast, will probably die young, according to him, but he’s here for a good time, not a long one. At least, that’s what he tells himself to get through the day. He works by force for the street gang that basically usurped the government. He’s got a whole lot of demons from the immoral acts he’s committed in the name of his own greed, and wonders whether he’s towing the line between doing this for his survival and loan-sharking more than he actually needs for a bigger payout rather than to keep his bosses off his back. The sorrows that he can’t drown in cheap alcohol he tries to smother in other self-destructive habits, including but not limited to not giving a shit about his personal safety. Also, fun little thing: the writing style changes depending on how drunk or sober he is, because it’s first-person limited, so the information you get depends on how much he actually processes. Poster boy for unreliable narrators tbh

Bottom left is Mary, or Maria Fletcher. She’s a gang leader, but not in the traditional sense. She’s kind of like a robin hood figure leading a group of the fucked over working class that was left in squalor. She came over as a little kid because her parents were resource miners who wanted better opportunity for their kid, but their job ended up killing them without a dollar to show for it. Also, she’s a weapons tech expert with more knowledge of blades and guns and how to mod them than you or I could ever hope to amass in a lifetime. More fun facts: she’s albino, the red scarf symbolizes the blood of the rich and exploitative, and in this house we don’t make a muscular butch woman something to be feminized.

Bottom right is Luke Mons. I’ll give y’all 3 guesses for what that name’s an anagram for. He’s the only one of the bunch who’s ever set foot on Earth, because he was born and raised there. He’s the son of a very wealthy colonizer, and the CEO of a development company. He’s never known an ounce of hardship in his life, and never has to work a day in it, but he does anyway because that money’s not gonna make itself. He’s the closest thing this series has to an antagonist, and is basically the personification of the song “Business Man” by Mother Mother. Minus being old. Luke is young, spry, and thinks the economy is worth a couple of “low-opportunity” lives. After all, they’re only going to drain the economy. You should be thanking him, a better tourism market will stimulate the economy and create a better planet for everyone! I gave him a scythe in piccrew because he’s basically capitalism grim reaper

Some more fun facts:

-the dots and lines and piercing styles you see on everyone’s faces except Luke’s are based on anti-face, which is a hair and makeup style that confuses AI face-recognition software and allows you to bypass a surveillance system. Because this is also a surveillance state. Gotta keep those splicers in line somehow, right?

-Luke was actually born out of someone’s complaints in my first year of uni that I was “forcing diversity” on the readers by having every character main or minor be POC, women, and/or LGBT. Like, buddy... it’s space. In a universe where Earth stopped giving a shit among humans. And I didn’t go through a lifetime of never seeing myself or others represented in fiction to do it again but myself this time. So I made the only straight white cis men the villains out of spite. And wow, Luke’s perfect for the role!

I made the 4 main characters of the sci fi novel series ive been working on since i graduated high school

Hmu if you wanna hear their deals i LOVE infodumping about the story thats basically my baby

[gaybaconprincess]

I found an old Doc with a Marching Band AU so take it

Jericho / Joseph Wilson (Flute)

‘That one gay friend who has a better fashion sense than me’

Don’t pronounce his last name as ‘willis’ like the principal or he will f you up

And by that he means he’ll get his scary brass boyfriend to f you up

Probably the sassiest person in Band

He is an angry human espresso and if you look at Kyd Wykkyd for too long he’ll break your leg

Very protective of his batnerd

Kole is also a flute n they are very good buds

Vows to one day burn the school’s band uniforms so they have to buy new ones

Calls everyone ‘fam’

If it’s possible to be that one controversial archetype he will be it

He is also the school’s biggest male feminist

Bumblebee is the biggest female feminist

Also he likes penciling in weed symbols (despite the fact he has never touched a drug in his life) all over the school campus

Mainly only joined Band because the Wilson bunch were sitting at a family dinner once and somebody (he doesn’t even remember anymore like maybe ROse?? Maybe Father????) said that the only instrument he could play was his twangy guitar and ofc he took that as a cHALLENGE

Raven / Raven Roth (Clarinet)

Very dark humour

Only real friend is Jericho bc they like to complain about Grayson together

Also Jericho is the only person who laughs at her jokes

Has more power over people than she lets on

Dating the head cheerleader helps too (angel)

Pretty chill

Not v good at physical fighting but just her all around dry personality will intimidate you

The woodwind section is filled with very violent human gnomes it seems

she has a tumblr indeed but trust me yOU DONT WANT IT

its filled with actual witch spells and v v gory things 

Joined Band for the extra credit, stayed for the time away from home

Her home consists of her usually absent mother and emotionally abusive father (my way of inserting Trigon in here somewhere) and Joey is really the only person that knows and she can just vent to

They’ve had well over a few crying sessions

 SeeMore / Seymour Johnson (Saxophone)

Joined band bc he’s a broke idiot in need of a scholarship

Joined saxophone because mEMES

Plays ‘we are number one’ every f-ing time Kyd so much as looks at him

bf(f)’s with the Herald

Totally thirsty for some brass trumpet boy but totally not the Herald oh no

(it’s so the Herald)

Has hit himself in the face with his sax thirteen too many times

Wears the nerdiest glasses possible but no one can say shit bc he’s the best marcher they’ve got really

Chillest of the chill you will ever meet

Cries @ disney movies

Probably watches conspiracy theory videos in his free time

Is slowly attempting to bring tumblr humor into the real world

also afraid of chickens. look its a really long story k.

Joined Band to prove to his parents that nO HE IS NOT DOING DRUGS AFTER SCHOOL HE IS ACTUALLY ATTEMPTiNG to MAKE YOU PROUD

 The Herald / Malcolm Duncan (Trumpet)

Best friends w/ Jericho even tho Jericho regrets it

*Jericho walks into the Band Hall*

‘aND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA’ *trumpet noises*

He and Seymour meme together

Is just obnoxious in general

Pulls candy and other food items out of nowhere at the worst times

Just wants people to hang out with after school. Hot Spot’s no fun and Jericho’s family is insane.

 BumbleBee / Karen Beecher (French Horn)

Is just way too tired for this

Mom friend

Doesn’t have time to deal with everyone’s shit

Joey can relate

‘malcolm duncan i dare you to blow that trumpet in my ear oNE MORE TIME’

Is everyone’s big sister but mainly Mal’s

Makeup game is always on point

Wants to kick Seymour and Mal in the throat everyday bc jUST KISS YOUR SEXUAL TENSION IS RUINING THE REHEARSAL

 Kyd Wykkyd / Elliot Knight (Trombone)

Toll pencil is dating smol espresso

Looks mean and scary but just wants hugs and colored pencils

‘Deal hugs not drugs’

Makes too many puns

Literally every other sentence has some hidden pun in it

Loves picking Joey up and carrying him around

Gives people really terrible nicknames

Biggest weab of them all

‘I sexually identify as Terezi Pyrope’

Don’t even say the word homestuck/undertale around him he’ll either start crying or laughing maniacally

‘What do you mEAN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT RWBY IS’

Has memorized all of Light Yagami’s lines on Death Note

Quotes Steven Universe (mainly Pearl) on a daily basis

k like,,,,you think,,,you tHINK he’s the smart friend.

oH NO BUDDY ARE YOU WRONG

if you’ve ever seen any Roosterteeth video ever

He is Gavin Free.

The embodiment of ‘wot if...our legs...didn’t know they were lEGS???’

Joey just kinda shushes him and pretends to know what he’s talking about

Billy Numerous / William Strayer (Euphonium)

Mammoth’s ultimate wingman

‘God bless murica’

Mispronounces words on purpose to piss off Kyd and Raven

Hates his pointy marching shoes

Hides tennis balls in the saxophones to Seymour’s dismay

Got hit with a trombone once and then had to pay for it to be fixed

Totally not kyd’s

Likes to make fun of Joey’s height which is WHY he got hit with a trombone

Roots for BBQ places every time the Band stops to eat on a trip

‘Aight but...does Wykkyd is gay??’

Mammoth / Baran Flinders (Tuba)

Is the most intimidating person you will ever meet and he kNOWS IT he GLOATS IN THAT FACT

‘gEEZ YOU GUYS SHUT UP I DONT HAVE A THING FOR STARFIRE THATS DISGUSTinG’

‘We were just asking why she wasn’t at rehearsal today’

Is also a vry broke idiot but somewhat enjoys band

The aMOUNT of times he has been stopped by football coaches and borderline bribed to be on the team

Is the one who shamelessly sprints the whole way to the cafeteria everyday

‘Foods before dudes, sorry’

He and Billy often have eating competitions

Jericho lives in fear every time he’s not tardy for class

Also looks mean but will cRUSH YOu....with a bear hug

When asked what 2 plus 2 was he responded with a very startled and nervous 22

Kid Flash / Wally West (Percussion)

Look,,,,buddy,,,,amigo,,,,chum,,,,

He and Kyd Wykkyd have had a lil rivalry goin on since the fiRST TIME KYD STOLE HIS APPLE JUICE IN PRE-K

Y do you think he joined percussion… (it’s because percussion is usually seated behind trombones and Kyd hates drums and loud noises)

bUT on the plus side his ADHD is now a lot less terrifying

During practice he literally just plays Hall of Fame on repeat

‘No...no no….no no plEASE STOP TOUCHING MY HAIR’

(jokingly) chants the word ‘gay’ and slowly gets louder every time Kyd so much as sPEAKs

He and Kyd have sarcasm competitions

Also memes but less out loud and more…

‘Wally I sweAR TO GOD IF YOU DONT STOP TeXTING ME MEMES IN CLASS’

‘Wykkyd iS THAT AN WEED IM CALLING THE POLICE’ inside jokes

Jinx / Jaya Salem (Pit)

Just wants a nap

All the time

Someone get her an energy drink

Puts up with Kyd + Mammoth + Billy + See-More’s shit not to mention her little brother most of the time

It’s Gizmo. The little brother is Gizmo.

‘I just...want to just like...can I plug myself into a charger? Can I do that, is that a thing?’

Literally the only person out of her friend circle that passes most of her classes

dO NOT TOUCH HER CATS JUST DONT DO IT

‘Do you think if I concuss myself I can get out of practice for today?’

all of her jokes are also either self depricating or just insulting to others

insomniac

Punk Rocket / Thomas Leonard (Drum Major)

mOST IRRESPONSIBLE DRUM MAJOR EVER 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND

‘Well y’know...i’m already in a Band so like...how hard could Drum Major be?’

Very hard. He made a mistake. He regrets everything.

School Principal: ‘are you aware that your hair is white?’

Rocket: ‘are you aware that your a fUCKING SQUARE???’

He got suspended after that

‘Okay look I know it looks really gay that I’m riding on a motorcycle with my really hot buddy but it’s not - fuck that is really gay, maybe I’m really gay.’

One big bundle of ‘oh no’ when you pop the question of ‘what’s your sexuality’

Gets wAY TOO INTO the really big moments when directing on field

Fell of the pedestal his first game

Over time actually starts taking Band very seriously and enjoying it

Slade Wilson

funds the Band’s everything

Addie cooks for the Band and helps with fundraisers

also I just really need an AU where Slade is just,,,,a good dad,,,,Joey deserves a good dad k

he was off in the army for a while so he comes back and apparently Joey is not four anymore?? and he has a boyfriend???? and turned out to somehow be shorter than his own mother?????????

Joey made ‘when will my father return from the war’ jokes the entire time to cope

Slade is still getting used to things and the crowd and screaming of football games makes him v uncomfortable but he goes to support Joey

who is off to the side trying to avoid looking at his father who is now waving his hands frantically

Rose comes too but mainly to make fun of the entire Band

Grant’s already in college so he don’t give a shit

Literally everyone in the Band lOVES Mr. Wilson and Adeline but Joey just wants them to leave him alone

Slade is that one dad,,,,he tRIES SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND BAND HUMOR AND IT DOESNT WORK

still doesn’t know how he feels about Kyd 

Slade and Joey bond over Slade picking him up after practice and Joey iMMEDIATELY going into rant mode

‘tHIS HETERO A HOLE DAD YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE-’

surprisingly okay with Joey’s sexuality, he’s still getting used to it nonetheless

Mrs. and Mrs. Wykkyd

Kyd Wykkyd has two v lesbian moms and you can’t tell me otherwise like that’s my headcanon for him plus I love supportive gay parents that are better parents than the hets themselves

Kyd was adopted but they love their beautiful son v v much and he loves them

Kyd never really knew his biological parents and everyone acts like it’s a big deal but he he doesn’t?? care???? he knows who his parents are its Aarti Bindiya-Knight and Alison Knight duh

one of his moms is East Indian so he takes part in a lot of her culture just like his other mom does

he also gets vERY OFFENDED and filled with Righteous Anger when anyone discriminates or makes Indian jokes / lesbian jokes in class

Elliot is taller than both of his moms and usually has to bend down so they can hug him

Alison is American and very vERY kind hearted

Aarti has a very muscley stature and it taller than Alison. Her hair is cut short and curly and she looks like the person who will want to fight you and hug you at the same time.

Alison is v v short and has very light blonde hair that just kind wisps everywhere. V pale and really really likes sundresses.

Alison still tries to kiss Elliot on the cheek before he gets on the bus but Aarti holds her back so Elliot can run

she’s the cooking mom. she cooks. all the time. that’s how she shows her emotions.

‘Aar what if he forgot his backpack or his lunch do you think he’s doing okay what if someone is bullying him as we speak-’ ‘Ali. Ellie is fine. He is twice your height either way there is no way he is getting bullied.’

Alison got Elliot into drawing which he does a lot now

they are v v supportive of literally anything he does and most kids are actually kinda jealous. 

tHEY ARE THE OVEREXCiTeD PARENTS AT EVERY GAME

NEITHER KNOW WHATS GOING ON BUT THEIR SON IS DOING A THING SO THATS WHATS IMPORTANT

they still keep home videos from when Elliot was a baby despite his birthday wish being for them to burn all of the videos last year

Barry Allen

he’s the track coach at their school and everybody was ASTONISHED when he showed up to a football game

‘okay yeah I know where the track field is - can you all maybe chill I just wanna see my nephew hit his drums.’

He and Wally are the ‘Red headed Heathens’ of the school

a term coined by the principal himself

Barry is still trying to get Wally to join track (he is also still failing)

Blows his whistle like a fricking AIRHORN at games

Very big despite only working on his legs ever and also very affectionate so I hope you have a strong spine because he shows his appreciation via hugs

the only teacher with actual freckles

fRECKLES

‘I would give you some cool pep talk Wally but to be honest I have no idea what’s going on just go out and have fun.’

[voyageviolet]

Just for the hell of it, I’m going to post the responses I’ve been writing for the Great Homestuck Reread.

DAY 1

I could have sworn I wrote something for this day, but apparently no??? Weird.

DAY 2, PAGES 127-247

Favorite Panel: John: Scold TT

This one's just cute to me.

Favorite Pesterlog: John: Answer chums.

Rose is being high-and-mighty about the FAQs while John panics about impending doom; meanwhile Dave is talking to himself about planet fucking Jupiter. These kids are a disaster.

Favorite Flash: S: John: Take a bite of the apple.

There's not a lot of competition for "favorite flash" in these pages, but I do think it's a great way for the story to really get started with a sense of urgency.

Missed Moments: Not much, but is that oil on Rose's wall? And I've never noticed John's shirt changing color.

Today's Question - Is Act 1 actually bad or are people just not giving it a chance?

I think Act 1 is great, but I didn't the first time I read it. It takes a while to get past the initial "What the fuck am I reading" response, what with the captchaloging and the cruxtruding and the other fake words. I started reading and gave up twice before I finally buckled down and decided, "I am going to find out what the deal is with the candy corn horns I'm seeing everywhere if it kills me." But if you decide to just relax and enjoy the ride, Act 1 is a lot of fun. It's just frustrating for the people who've been sold on Homestuck being this great epic adventure to have to get through the kids screwing around in the beginning.

DAY 3, PAGES 248-384

Favorite Panel: Dave's little gasp here. ~SO COOL~

Favorite Pesterlog: And here we have the first example of two of the gayest kids in Homestuck calling each other gay. These two are so much alike in their mostly-playfully-adversarial ways; they crack me up.

Favorite Flash: [S] YOU THERE. BOY. I'm the kind of RPG gamer that walks around and talks to every NPC and checks every little corner for items or info, so the walkaround flashes are always especially fun for me.

Missed Moments: -In the [S] YOU THERE. BOY. flash, WV knows who John Cusack is, as if he's some kind of universal constant.

-When I first read Homestuck, I didn't expect this quote to be referenced again: "You wonder if this rain will ever let up. It's driven since the month began, perhaps long enough to forget its purpose. It no longer even knows to assuage fire. Somewhere a zealous god threads these strings between the clouds and the earth, preparing for a symphony it fears impossible to play. And so it threads on, and on, delaying the raise of the conductor's baton. "

-And for something I missed this time around: Does anyone know what songs used to be on the [S] on page 338? There's still "Harlequin" and "John do the windy thing," but some have been removed, probably for copyright reasons. (If you're not sure what I mean, click the four corner buttons on that page.)

Today's Question - Who was truly at fault in the Rose/Mom pseudo-imaginary feud?

I talked a bit about this yesterday, but to simplify: It's Mom's fault, simply due to the fact that she's the parent. It's the parent's responsibility to engage with their child in a way that the child can understand and appreciate. Mom reacted to Rose in an overbearing way that had more to do with her own feelings than her child's feelings. For example, when young Rose asked her mom to have a funeral for her cat, she wasn't asking for an elaborate permanent monument; she was asking for help saying goodbye to a friend and coping with that loss. In spite of what I assume to be her best intentions, Mom failed to provide that. Their house is filled with this sort of elaborate expression of affection that completely fails to provide any real emotional connection.

Let me state for the record that Roxy is one of my favorite characters in Homestuck, but she's the version of the character who managed to pull herself together and support the people she cares about. For whatever reason, Mom is the version who didn't.

DAY 4, 385-509

Favorite Panel: ==> I forgot about this one, but John flying around the room with the pogo and the shaving cream is still hilarious.

Favorite Pesterlog: Dave: Pester Rose. The first crack in the cool kid's facade.

Favorite Flash: [S] Rose: Youth roll right out the front door. This is SO dramatic, what with the "empty suicide threat" and the "ironic negligence," and yet it's presented in such a cartoonish "lol whatever" manner. I wish we got more detail about their relationship at some point in the story - something like Dave's introspection and his interaction with Dirk - because this flash presents a pretty bleak picture.

Missed Moments: -From page 404's commentary: "Also, I like how WV is now helping out with the Con Air references through his terminal commands. He shows a striking ability to adapt to and participate in running gags. He is the type of guy who just "gets it", you know?" I definitely didn't pick up on this before. It's hard to pinpoint the places where the commands stop being authorial input and start being characters' input.

-424's commentary: "Judging by the commands, WV is just as caught up in the story as John is. Let's agree this is adorable." Definitely adorable, but I wonder, does WV know at this point that this is the story he was already caught up in?

-447: "There's the PUPPET CHEST he stores LIL' CAL in when he takes him out on gigs." BRO TAKES LIL CAL ON GIGS. LIKE GIGS IN PUBLIC? THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE WHO'S NOT A TRAPPED 13 YEAR OLD WOULD EVER ENTERTAIN THE IDEA THAT VENTRILOQUIST RAPPING COULD BE COOL. BRO WOULD GET DESTROYED ONSTAGE.

I always assumed that the puppet thing was exclusively online, but it sounds like Bro's life may be weirder than I ever realized - which is pretty fucking weird to begin with.

Today's Question - Is WV really just a one note joke character? No, I don't think he is. Every character in Homestuck is a joke to some degree, but that doesn't make them flat. WV has an emotional journey and narrative development that starts with his his silly obsession with eating green things, evolves through flashbacks of his rebellion against a corrupt monarchy and his friendship with PM&co, and ends with him starting (what seems to be) an egalitarian democracy on new Earth. He also serves to explain to the audience what happened to the old, now abandoned Earth without resorting to boring exposition.

Plus he's adorable and everyone loves him, so there's that.

Bonus Question - WHAT'S YOUR POGO MINIGAME HIGH SCORE???? Yeah I can't say I spent much time on that, but I did enjoy the song.

DAY 5, PAGES 510-644

Didn't get time to respond to this yesterday, oops. I'll make this quick.

Favorite Panel: Vaulthalla, baby.

Favorite Pesterlog: Rose: Answer Dave. Still love these kids, and the fact that Rose makes up a poem on the spot is pretty impressive.

Favorite Flash: Well, there's only the one, so...

Missed Moments: None this time.

Today's Question - Which of the items in your house would you combine to make a cool weapon? I'm gonna be a dumb nerd and admit that I'd like to see what I could make with some anime figures. I've always thought that umbrellakind was kind of fun, so why not mix animu figures with that. Like, a Sailor Moon figma with an umbrella could make a cute cheesy magical girl wand. I also have an old biting pear statue that I'm sure could make some interesting things.

DAY 6, PAGES 645-759

Favorite Panel: Democracy. The deadpan faux-seriousness combined with WV's cuteness is just delightful.

*Favorite Pesterlog: * There really weren't any of note in this section. This day's all about WV.

Favorite Flash: WV: Ascend. I've always found the longer flash videos a bit confusing; there are so many things happening at once. Damn if they aren't fascinating, though.

Missed Moments: -Page 721: "All of the chess moves were copied exactly from a famous game played by Bobby Fischer. I forget which one exactly, but it was super famous among dudes who bone tight up on their chess." Never would've guessed that. For some reason, it never even occurred to me that these would be valid chess moves rather than WV just throwing things around. -"The station's terminal is meant to "control" the client player of the kid whose house once existed where that station is. So WV's station, which was in Rose's location, gives commands to John, because John is Rose's client player, and she commands his game similarly. And the apple station commands Jade, because she'll be John's client player, etc. Did you realize this?" NOPE

Today's Question - What would WV's classpect be? Mayor of Can? I dunno, I've never spent much time on classpect theorizing. It's too complicated and too heavily based on speculation for me.

DAY 7, PAGES 760-885

Favorite Panel: Jade's holographic computer. Her life is ridiculous and otherworldly. Seeing the crazy things that are a mundane part of her reality is pretty great.

Favorite Pesterlog: A rare Jade-Rose pesterlog. Best appreciate these when you can.

Favorite Flash: [S] Rose: Ascend. There are a lot of fight scenes in this section, but this one is the most fun, and the one involving the least amount of child abuse.

Missed Moments: -"I wonder which troll named her Farmstink? Do trolls even have farms? Maybe they call them musclebeast pastures." It never even occurred to me that it was the trolls typing in names. I just thought of it as reader input.

-"With the (playable!) FRESHJAMZ playlist, we are provided with the implication that these are all songs produced by the kids collaboratively. Their icons indicate who was involved with the songs. Just another sign earlier in the story that these kids have some musical talent and this is the sort of thing they do with their spare time." I don't think I ever noticed everyone's icons next to songs, or if I did I didn't put it together that they were the ones making this music.

-"It's almost as if Bro is training him to face the last boss. Or it would be if last boss had the slightest thing to do with this creepy puppet, which of course is preposterous." Never connected those dots.

Today's Question - Is early Jade a good character? Why or why not?

Yes, on the grounds that she is precious and delightful.

More seriously, though, I think she's as good of a character as any of the kids, but she doesn't get as much narrative attention or development as I'd like towards the end of the comic. Early Jade, though, is arguably in the most fucked up situation out of all of the kids: Her grandfather took her to a deserted island and died when she was very young, leading Jade to assume he committed suicide, and leaving her with the responsibility of emptying out his innards to taxidermy his body (?!?). Ok, there's no way that last part ever could have been played straight, but the point remains that Jade has had to grow up in a pretty bleak and lonely situation, but she remains unfailingly positive and friendly. She's never had any hope of leaving her island and interacting with the rest of her planet before the game destroys it, but by watching the clouds on Prospit and by enjoying her friendships, she stays happy and hopeful. I can't see that as anything but impressive.

[sburb-enemiary]

What would be the effect of prototyping a stack of unbound paper on wich is printed the complete printed version of the homestuck comic minus games obviusily?

Oh boy mate. Just. Oh boy. Anyways, sorry I took so long to answer this Ask. Had to deal with school for the week but since it’s the weekend now, I can work on these much easier. (Thank God) Anyways, The games are made of frames so I’ll just add those in, in all honest they don’t make much of a difference. 

Now, here we go down into Clusterfuck Dweeb Hell

Overview: Here, lemme explain why you got Gamzeesprite. Okay, so Gamzee is the most important character in Homestuck. It explicitly says in the webcomic and was confirmed by Hussie directly to Caliborn, well not the most, but pretty damn important and his importance is also possibly referenced by Kanaya as well. (source 1 source 2 source 3 [a stretch]) Now Gamzee influenced a lot of actions in the kids session, even the prototyping! I’m not gonna go on about this anymore and if anyone wants to talk about this I’d love to talk about it. The Battlefield would become a lot more unpredictable. Capricious, even, one might say. This would even affect your Monarchies, Underlings, and (of course) your Sprite’s personalities. (Also, it was either this or Calsprite and you do NOT want that monster.)

How This Would Affect Your Underlings: Thankfully, your Underlings would inherit the ungodly amount of punishment you would have to put Gamzee through to even get him to die. However, as Gamzee is notoriously hard to kill you’re gonna get a difficulty increase on killing them. They would also develop Gamzee’s insane hair, but that’s more aesthetic, and maybe the horns too. As Gamzee has that Capricious Thing going on, congrats, so do your Underlings. Underlings will go randomly from sweet and docile to hyper-volatile murder beings. Also they honk, they shouldn’t, but they do. It haunts your dreams now, you’re welcome.

How This Would Affect Your Monarchs: As a theme that has been showing up here on Enemy Bestiary and Analysis (and Other Nonsense) the Black Monarchies would inherit the more negative aspects and the White the more positive ones. Surprise! However, as being capricious isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as it is more annoying really, both Monarchies would inherit this personality trait. The Black Monarchs would likely have personalities reminiscent of Gamzee’s alternating speech one. (honk, HONK. That one.) Both are equally insane and murderous just one is louder about it and a lot less polite. From there it’s sort of up to your own creative juices with the Black Monarchs. Does one have the polite one? Do they both do that alternate? Anyways, the White Monarchs would most likely inherit the earlier personality of Gamzee. Chill, likeable, albeit slightly frustrating. While the Black Monarchs are more geared towards violent capriciousness, the White are more geared towards harmless capriciousness; like damn I want some funyuns. A statement that is both true and an example. And of course, the physical changes. Now Hussie has stated that Gamzee was the shortest troll of them all, but that was (probably) a joke as he later went on to state that heights are up to the reader. However, I’m gonna go Gamzee is fuck off tall. So, obviously there will be the height increase then. The Monarchs would inherit the hair, horns, and difficulty to murder as well. Oh, yeah remember how Gamzee did more damage to the Black King in his session than any other of the trolls combined? Yeah. Get a Monarch pissed enough in a fight and you’ll have to avoid one of those hits, which is probably going to one shot you if you get hit. Oh Boy.

How This Would Affect Your Sprite: Now I want to default Gamzee to his original personality and decision making ability from before the influence of Lil’ Cal’ but, well, we’re not really sure how much of his decision making came from Cal. So, for the most part Gamzeesprite would be docile and helpful, but at random times he would shift into the batshit Gamzee that we all know and a lot of us hate. So basically it’s like fanon Gamzee, but as your sprite! Now Gamzeesprite will basically answer any question that has a simple answer with the correct answer, like “What are those?” “tHoSe ArE yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg GaTeS,”. That kind of stuff. However, if you want a complex answer you’ll have to wait for him to be in his moods. Although, when he’s like that he’ll only answer you if he wants to, which will be frustrating. 

Overall, I think it would lead to an interesting session! However, I do not think it’s worth the trouble. Anyways, this was a lot of fun and was a real challenge when I got to it!

-Orion

(here’s the artist)

[momestuck]

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 14

We’re getting close to the endgame now, enough that the writers have started dropping some hints about What’s Going On. But before we can see where this road leads, there’s a good 11 trolls left to befriend!

This time... ‘Of Cleanliness and Clownliness’. We open with a little bluster about how edgy and grimdark Alternia is.

The narrator then calls themselves out for using Godwin’s law. Yeah, ‘feeling dramatic’ huh.

Our trolls today are...

...on almost the far ends of the hemospectrum! (Curiously, no sea trolls seem to feature in this game at all. Sure, that might be because they all live underwater, or because they are generally violent and cruel, but the latter hasn’t stopped our protagonist and I’m sure they could overcome the former with a little creativity...)

Marsti

Marsti is the last creation of Aysha before the epilogue! She’s got a pretty fun theme with a bass guitar which kicks in immediately on his route.

We find her in the process of trying to clean off some graffiti, arguing with a ‘purpleblood boy’. Curious... judging by the cans of what’s probably spray paint that Karako is carrying, does that mean that these two trolls are encountered together in this episode?

...is that what that purple bit up there is supposed to be?

Anyway our first decision is fairly straightforward...

Let’s quickly go down the ‘mind your own business’ route, which I’m expecting to be short.

...despite our decision, the narrator can’t resist the urge to intervene, by tripping up the clown. Luckily, Marsti saves us by taking us into an alley.

Her quirk seems to just be... the -_- emoticon. And she’s not pleased that we intervened. She tells us that if we keep this up, we’re going to end up dead. “What’s your deal? -_-” she demands.

We ask her if she really needs to retrieve the cleaning bucket she left behind. Ahh, bucket jokes. Never get old.

Presumably this has a different troll name, other than ‘bucket’. Apparently a cleaning bucket is called a ‘scourdray’.

That one seems like kind of a stretch...

We ask if this is like... her job, but then remember that nobody has jobs. Honestly, how the economy of Alternia works is a total mystery to me. They run an imperial economy based on endless expansion and extraction like ancient Rome, but how are resources worked into useful forms? Is it... robots?

Anyway, Marsti seems to be doing this just on a whim.

But a lot of her whims concern cleanliness. She comments on our strange ‘magnetism’, which she is also feeling.

Magnetism or not, she mostly seems to find us very annoying as we ask her random questions like why she likes cleaning so much (she doesn’t, she just does it), and so on. She seems to suggest it has something to do with being a rustblood, and pushes the narrator to think about whether other rustbloods they know have hobbies.

Anyway we end up helping her clean this wall. Thrilling activities here in Hiveswap friendsim. We very smoothly ask Marsti if she’s doing anything later...

We get the choice of ‘uptown’ or ‘downtown’. Since my gf Elaine was next to me and saw the choice and started singing ‘Uptown Girl’, I guess we have to pick ‘uptown’. The narration immediately also makes an uptown girl joke.

We get in our stolen scuttlebuggy and head uptown. Marsti starts cleaning up crumbs in our car.

Apparently Alternia has scanners that read the driver’s blood colour, but Mallek helped us scramble it.

We briefly get the false impression she’s homeless. The narration draws comparisons for the reader with Diemen and Boldir, which the protagonist turns out to have spoken out loud, as is often the case...

It turns out, however, that she just got tired of cleaning the same hive.

We learn where we’re taking Marsti... Zebruh’s hive!? Really, protag? Of all the people?

To put it mildly.

We decide not to go to Zebruh’s hive, thank god. Marsti’s getting a bit fed up of the lack of mess, and we offer to make a bigger one...

Genuinely not sure what Marsti is parodying. The well known “obsessive about cleaning and kind of grumpy” subculture?

Instead we head to Galekh’s hive. We’re greeted by the goat, but no Galekh.

D’aww.

Luckily, Galekh’s messy library is exactly what the doctor ordered. Marsti gets to work. Attempts at conversation don’t go so well...

She doesn’t care what a we think... and calls us a ‘condescending alien with no blood colour to speak of’. Oof!

Anyway, at that point the route abruptly ends, with the goat eating some of Galekh’s writing, and Marsti making a break for it out the window. Welp.

All right, let’s try some other approaches...

Let’s try explicitly opting to intervene against the purpleblood troll. The narrator decides fate must be on their side thanks to their conversation with Boldir, and gets involved.

That is not particular ironic. I think you should have a word with Dave. That’s like... not even ‘like five or six my dude’ levels of irony.

So that leaves... downtown.

Which is to say pretty much where we were standing.

It’s mentioned that the drones mostly clean uptown. The protag ponders Zebruh’s whole ‘getting lowbloods to clean for him’ thing.

There’s a weirdly 4th-wally moment.

Speaking of which, the narrator tries offering some places to clean, and gets surprised Marsti doesn’t like us.

Marsti picks up on the whole ‘been killed’ thing. I guess our character does have explicit memory of all the branches where they died? Though that still doesn’t explain things like... having an umbrella from a non-friendship branch. Or remembering things we did in those branches.

The narration tries to brush over it. Uh-huh.

We end up at an empty lot - one we can recognise as where Boldir died, on a branch that got erased. The narration mentions deja-vu...

But it’s not Boldir here, but someone we haven’t seen in quite a while.

The protag tries to get Folykl’s support in ribbing Marsti for her weird cleaning habit. Instead, Folykl and Marsti have a go at us... and we keep digging.

It just gets worse and worse...

You’re not even a member of this whole caste system, narrator! You’ve picked up the whole ‘space racism’ thing remarkably quickly.

Marsti calls us on it. We start going over the fact that like... most of the lowbloods we know are very constrained in their aspirations and hobbies, etc.

Meanwhile,

OK then??

Apparently Marsti has noticed Folykl’s voidrot. And general dirt.

Apparently like... being dirty makes the energy transfer harder? I guess Marsti knows a thing or two about voidrot.

(Recalling that in Homestuck canon, an army of dead Aradias were flinging planets about from outside the universe...)

Our protag helpfully suggests medicine as a field. I don’t even know what their deal is at this point. Marsti doesn’t seem to either.

If she applied to be a medic, she’d get laughed out of the room of course. And the narrator finally gets the hint.

So we... back off a bit, with some uncharacteristic maturity. After a bit, we head off. The protag actually makes a (fairly) genuine apology!

And... yeah I guess we mostly make up.

I actually kind of appreciate such an ambivalent ending. A nice change from the pattern to meet someone who finds our whole... thing super annoying.

The achievement for this chapter says ‘you cleaned up your own attitude’.

These chapters are getting increasingly meta, huh.

Karako

Now for... the second purpleblood in the game! Karaka is the creation of someone only credited as ‘Geezey’, who has not written anything before now.

We get a new, and very pretty backdrop immediately.

That palette! Curiously the narration doesn’t really seem to be acknowledging much of what’s happened so far - that we have a car, for one.

We’re in a relatively sparse area of the city. Unfortunately, the vegetation is not very accommodating for a gentle stroll...

As we pick our way through this, we meet a stranger on the road...

The soundtrack has like... ‘bwmm’ noises with a bunch of reverb, and clown horns. Usual disclaimer that I don’t know shit about music. This track’s title is, impressively, a Unicode drawing of Bowsette.

Surprised by the use of ‘it’ pronouns - usually the narration gets in there quick with gendering.

Anyway, we get a foot sprite. That’s unusual.

We go to help them down from the tree. The narration in this episode is doing the ‘unnecessarily formality’ joke but it’s not really working for me.

They have a nametag, which tells us to call Bronya ‘if lost’. Conveniently, someone we know! The narration supplies an interpretation...

Hmm.

Anyway, this guy’s dialogue consists entirely of the word ‘honk’.

The narrator fills in the conversation - the usual I’m an alien, etc. etc. I guess the joke is that the narrator is really wordy today in contrast with Karako’s one-word lines.

Here’s a sample.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we make some friend overtures along those lines, and then stand about for a bit, until a drone shows up!

The artist is at least making some very expressive drawings in this episode!

We get a choice: help or run. Let’s try to help.

We shield Karako from the drone by leaning on a rock for a bit, and that... makes him happy I guess. He smiles, at any rate. We get back to the whole... weirdly obsessive about establishing Friendship(TM) affect, but then some sea trolls show up.

They laugh at us a bunch, to Karako’s chagrin. Well, it would have to be sea trolls for anyone to be able to laugh at a purpleblood, I guess.

We get some very strained fish puns.

The jabs get a bit much for Karako and he goes for the seadwellers with knives.

This will not end well.

If he wants to throw down... let’s let him. Comfort and support? OK.

We use the dangerous plants to back up Karako’s rampage, impaling some of the violetbloods. But unfortunately for us, they’re pretty much invincible or something.

Curiously there is at least one circumstance where a violetblood has to answer to a purpleblood - the Grand Highblood and Dualscar. But in this case, the hemospectrum seems to rule.

Poor little Karako ends up dead.

And it’s time for the end of this route. But for once, we’re not just getting a death screen!

It’s time for some LORE. Behind the portal is... some kind of carousel?

Well what do you know, the Dark Carnival is real. It’s being ridden by various troll mannequins (or as they spell it here, ‘manikins’... is that a UK/US difference I didn’t know about?)

The mannequins come down and raise Karako into the Carnival.

This religious experience prompts the narrator to get a little introspective about their total insignificance.

We’re sick, we decide, of highblood bullshit. In fact we get quite a lot of philosophising done while bleeding out on the ground here.

The protagonist resolves to do something about this. We get some strained physics metaphors...

We ‘take on the aspect of Clown-sarker’, whatever that means. Taking up some of the soft drinks that Karako was carrying, we... start spraying soft drinks on the sea trolls. The effect of this is... limited. They kill us pretty much immediately. But by dying in battle...

...we seem to have earned our own place in the Dark Carnival!?

Which means... a friendship ending?

Honestly what? Is the next episode gonna start with us in the Dark Carnival?

I certainly didn’t see that coming.

...let’s check out the other branches, I guess.

First, let’s see what happens if we run away from the Drone instead of pretending nonchalance. We make good our escape, more or less, and get a new background:

But Karako is gone.

All right, that was more or less what I expected. Well mostly I thought the drone would kill us, but same difference.

Now, if we try to restrain Karako from fighting the sea trolls...

We try to calm Karako down as we restrain him, but he’s just getting more and more berserk. Given what Gamzee pulled in a state like this... not promising.

He lets off some kind of... rage bomb?

The only thing in canon I can compare with is the Vast Expletive uttered by the Sufferer.

Whatever this is, it nicely does for the sea trolls, and we wake up still with Karako. And... that’s the very quick end to the arc.

OK, that’s a friendship ending too? Huh.

However, this ending does not give an achievement, while the other one did. “You ascended to the Dark Carnival... or did you?” is the achievement text.

What a strange chapter! I’m very curious to see how the next one will begin now.