#dovahheim

[eviipaiadin]

12

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

There’s a reason I tag our campaign as ‘Dungeons & Shitposting’. But here’s a list of all the dumb in-jokes I’ve had over my years of playing and running games. (Under a read more because it’s a lot)

D&D 4e or ‘OTK the Campaign’

“Bards are just better warlords!”

“I’m working with this really cool archfey. She’s kinda underground, you’ve probably never heard of her.”

Raviel Thade, Door-to-Door Raven Queen Salesperson

“...You never said that your Vicious Mockery was dealing non-lethal damage to the cow...”

“I’m a paladin, right? That means these villagers respect me, right?”

“...And there goes the halfling, hoping to hitchhike to meet some competent adventurers...”

Homestuck 4e or ‘I Am The Only Person In This Damn Campaign That Doesn’t Know No Houseglueds’

“Evii, do you have a +1 in any stat at all?”

“His name is literally ‘Villain’. I ain’t trusting him.”

Pokemon Religion vs Fusion Science

“Why are you guys laughing so hard? All I did was push him down some stairs.”

Legends or ‘The Origins of Captain Creig Cornswaggle, the Courageous Commander of The Cruel Craven and Co-Owner of The Crow’s Call’

Literally anything about Captain Creig Cornswaggle, the Courageous Commander of The Cruel Craven and Co-Owner of The Crow’s Call

“Diplomancy: Friendship Really is Magic.”

“...And then I stuck her with my shadow sword!” | “Is that what kids are calling it nowadays?”

“Ew, I can’t believe you’re into dead people.” | “For the last time, I’m a necroMANCER not a necroPHILIAC!”

Gregory the goblin head

“No, we are not selling the avatar of god into slave labour.” | “BUT THINK OF THE PROFITS THAT COULD BE USED FOR ORPHANAGES, GERARD! YOU LOVE THAT WEIRD GOODY-TWO-SHOES SHIT, RIGHT?!”

“If you’re gonna threaten us to kill something for you and you’re that tough, do it your damn self.”

“Voice is a privilege reserved for the GM and the GM alone. You players peasants must use text.”

“I can’t fucking believe the fate of the world once again rests in the hands of the two (2) short ones.”

“No, you cannot build a mountain of corpses to escape. I’M RAILROADING YOU SO I CAN REINTRODUCE A PLAYER CHARACTER. STOP BEING DIFFICULT.”

“I surrender, suckers.”

“My pirate gear is the HEIGHT of fashion. Keep your stinkin’ tux to yourself.”

Fate or ‘Evii Makes a Weird Character for Extended Pun Purposes’

Peter ‘Pan’ Handel

“He’s 50% man, 50% goat, 50% alligator.”

“You still sound Russian. Gimme some more vodka, maybe that’ll fix it.”

(It was a single very short session so not much memes there, unfortunately.)

World of Darkness or ‘Deadbeat Dirty Drug Cop and Rich Kid with a Penchant for Speed Ruin Everything at Record Speed’

“I slap him with the mummy hand.”

“How many levels do I need to put into [stat] before I can dual-wield shotguns?”

“How many sanity points does it cost for me to make a one-liner here?”

“We might not have a silver bullet. But maybe there’s enough silver in the five hundred (500) bullets we pumped into him to do the trick.”

“I can’t believe our most powerful ally is a devil hooker.”

Pokemon Tabletop Adventures 1 or ‘Lie Detector is Overpowered’

“Your character is [age between 20-55]? None of these tokens work for that.”

“I attempt to read the sign.” | “It says [whatever’s on the sign].” | “HEY GUYS, THE SIGN SAYS [whatever’s on the sign]!”

“My ahegao is a built-in lie detector.” | “YOUR WHAT?!” | “You know, the dumb single standing up hair.” | “THAT’S NOT WHAT AHEGAO MEANS, EVII!!”

“I believe in my Shuppet. So that means it does an extra... 8d6 damage.” | “Fuck off.”

Pokemon Tabletop Adventures 2 or ‘Who Let Me Be In Charge?!’

Bipen begins.

“Oh no, not Bidoofs!”

“...So you killed her Charmander.” | “OOPS!”

D&D 5e 1 or ‘The Wheatley Featherstep Saga’

Another character that exists for Evii to make bad puns

“Kaiser is the best and the strongest and can beat Baphomet with two (2) arms tied behind her back.”

Decibel the definitely-a-drow

Owly the owl

“So you can’t actually roll low enough to be hit by the aftermath explosions from these things...”

Decibel dying and immediately being reincarnated by a giant magic thing

Wheatley banishing Baphomet and all the demons back to the Abyss by accident, saving Kaiser and also kicking off the Wedding Crashers Arc

Wheatley’s Double Death Room

Wheatley, Lawful Good Monk, befriends local Chaotic Evil vrock

Wheatley adopts a fire snake after being complicit in murdering her family (oops!)

Halfling Lucky can’t save you if you roll a billion 1s in a row

Sultan of Many Titles vs Chiyoko of Many Titles+1

“You know, if you had actually had the Deck of Many Things on your person, you would’ve auto-won the encounter.”

“Why can’t I beat an 11 on Insight checks?!”

D&D 5e 2 or ‘Dungeons & Shitposting’

“Salith has the strongest drow fists in existence.”

“She has a tentacle rod and we are ending the conversation there.”

“Bitch!”

[Arceusawful Russian accent] “What do you call dark elf who cannot swim?”

Kana the NPC slayer

“For the Sea Mothah!” [fish slap]

“I fucking hate spiders.” | “I fucking love spiders!” (These two (2) characters are now dating.)

The Nature Society has made lumberjacking illegal.

Everything about Nappa/Cabbage, really

“’Allo! My name is, ‘ow you say, Ree Asho!”

The Cavalry

I am kana man 410,757,864,530 DEAD KOBOLDS

“Hey Frank”

 Speedrunning the campaign

“Look you guys, the beholder isn’t even at full power!”

Potion of Good Performance (not actually a sex thing!)

A traditional derro and kuo-toa burial

“The tree did it!”

The Messenger’s Guild

The Cyrus is Framed and No One has Fun for at Least Five (5) Sessions Arc

The Return of Bipen (”I’m a Dragon~!”)

The Return of Captain Creig Cornswaggle, the Courageous Commander of The Cruel Craven and Co-Owner of The Crow’s Call

The Tomb of Pharaoh Phasulias, Home of Pharaoh Phasulias

Demon lycanthropy is extra bad lycanthropy

Torchguard Commander Rickert is tired, grumpy, but kinda hot (at least to Navi)

“You’re Linda!!” (can’t remember if that was the right name)

The We Kinda Got Invited to a Wedding But Only a Few of Us are Still Playing the Characters that Knew the NPCs Getting Married so the Impact is Greatly Lessened as a Result Arc

Yoil Kreth and the Mechanized Execution Combative Heavy Axe (MECHA for short)

Oh Boy More Travelling NPCs We Really Don’t Care About

My awful impressions of Cyrus and Bipen when their players aren’t around

Fluffy is a Good BoyTM

Themberchaud the Fat Cat Dragon

Thesmachaud is buff, scary, but kinda hot (at least to Kana)

“Oh god we killed Buppido!”

“Your demon sense senses a billion (1,000,000,000) demons.”

D&D 5e 3 or ‘Evil Squad’

>hags

The Conch Horn Plan

Mr. Skeletal the First to Mr. Skeletal the Third

Magnifying glass

Portable ram

KOTA WE’RE ALL DUMBASSES JUST TELL US THE FUCKING ANSWER

“GIVE ME BACK KUBAZAN!” | “HE’S MINE, YOU GAVE HIM UP!”

“Okay, I am not gonna put my hand back in that hole.”

“OUR GODDESS WAS A 2WHO?!” (Related: “IS THAT A 2WHO?!”)

Thanks, druid friend, for your important contributions

“Leviathan!” | “It’s Laevaetaen!” | “Laeviathan!”

D&D 5e Mini or ‘I Miss You, Hug-Hug’

“Fuck you, I’m muting my mic for the rest of this session.”

Hug-Hug being the cutest lil gobbo ever

The Ten Billion (10,000,000,000) Hour Sacrifice Debate Room

D&D 5e 4 or ‘I Hate Time Travel’

:rasande_confused:

Soul micromanaging everyone’s characters

:salazar_dark:

“Keep the fisting to a minimum, my monkish friend.”

Barin, Champion of Booze

[insert ff14 realm reborn cutscene instead of narration here]

“Wait, our group is the one (1) that best understands this plot?!”

D&D 5e 5 or ‘Spooky Shadowfell Scures’

John ‘Thicccc’ Taric

“I have a very sharp shovel.”

[goggles that make you have night vision]

“Form of...!”

i’m missing some smaller one-shots and stuff but i can’t think of any major memes to come from them

[angry-healers]

i don't support parsing harassment but I really wish SE would release an official parser. im constantly adjusting and trying out new rotations on dps and pushing to see how little I have to heal (letting hits roll, fairy healing, etc) when I'm healing in content and without a parser I constantly have no metric to really judge what the changes are doing on my own since I play on PS4 And can't just install ACT.

I believe YoshiP stated the reason they won’t be adding an official parser into the game is simply because people will still get abused by it. Whether it’s personal only or shows everyone’s numbers. Or ranks everyone at the end of a dungeon. He explained this the last time and pretty much every time someone asks about an official parser. He’s not doing it.

Like imagine if it was added. Here are somethings that could happen.

Personal Parser Added (Exhibit A): Part 1 -Player A and B get into a dispute over something. Player A is a DPS pulling strong numbers but not dodging mechanics. Player B is the healer tat has to deal with it. B asks A to dodge more because it’s straining their MP. A claims B would have to heal less if they DPS’d more. A posts their numbers from the parser. They’re high, as expected. A has been DPSing while watching the parser and focusing on keeping those numbers up resulting in not dodging. B is called shit for not carrying the out going damage.

Part 2 - In a raid finder pug, one party member yells at everyone to post their numbers after an unavoidable wipe in order to pin the blame on someone when everyone was trying their best and multiple members were new.

=============

Party Parser added (Exhibit B): Players A and B are at it again. This time there’s an official party parser. A chimes up during a large pull that B is pulling no DPS. B is too busy healing the tank (Player C) who is taking more damage than needed. Player C is tanking this large group in DPS stance and DPSing without CDs. B is strained and explains they have to focus healing. Player B posts the party DPS numbers and C comments on it saying things would be easier if they DPS’d higher than 0.

=============

This already happens now but imagine how much more it’ll happen if the parsers are added. The bads won’t go away. They’ll just get worse. I can totally understand the usefulness of a parser to track yourself but no one should be forced to go through stress because of a parser that is an official part of the game.

-- Mod Mhi

[lokian-author]

The Prince’s Prince, part 2 (Loki/Male reader)

Here’s part two, a little over 1100 words :)

You timidly walked through the golden halls of the royal Asgardian palace, stepping over bricks and past pillars and stoic guards. A palace servant saw you and, believing that you were a lost child, asked where you were going. When you explained that you were trying to find the two children who lived here, she pointed you towards a door at the end of the corridor. As you approached, you realized that it led out to the courtyard. Standing in the doorway, you could see the long-haired older prince running amuck, wildly swinging what was either a stick or a wooden sword, with the smaller, darker figure of his younger brother sitting away to the side, watching the other with bored, beautiful green eyes.

Loki, as you would come to know him, was the first to notice your presence. He stood from his spot and approached you, almost seeming to glide across the ground, his movements incredibly elegant for his age. The older prince followed, grinning widely and gripping his sword in his small, calloused hand. He stepped in front of his brother and was the first to speak, "You are (y/n), prince of Dovahheim, yes?"

You nodded. Thor was taller than you, and he had blue eyes and dirt on his face. The grin never left his face as he took his sword, hitting you excitedly on each shoulder. It hurt, just a little bit. "I am Thor, and you are now my knight! Come. Spar with me, Sir (y/n)!"

Your eyes widened and you shook your head quickly, "I- I can't be a knight! I'm a prince. And I don't have any armor... or a sword."

"Thor," the smaller prince warned. He was closer to your height and had shorter, raven black hair. "I don't think he wants to play battle with you. And Father might be angry if you upset him." You felt appreciation, and maybe something else, stir in your chest for this boy.

"You're no fun, you never wanna fight, and you won't even let me spar with our new friend!" Thor whined, his sword dropping to the ground when he crossed his arms at his chest in a very childish manner.

Loki rolled his eyes, "you spar with your friends every day, Thor. Maybe you'd have more fun if you enjoyed any other game." He turned to you, holding out a hand for you to take, "I'm sorry about him. I'm Loki. Would you like to play? I promise I won't let Thor strike you again."

You giggled and took his hand, "don't worry, I'll just hit him back next time!"

Loki smirked, turning around and pulling you to the middle of the courtyard by your hand. You had only really seen it for a second, but his smile was mesmerizing. Thor ran to catch up with the two of you leaving his wooden sword on the ground where he had been standing, "wait, wait, let's play apple race!"

Loki let go of your hand and glanced at his brother with a nod of approval. "That actually sounds... quite enjoyable."

You looked at the brothers in confusion. Thor pointed up to the very top of the centermost tree, "we race to see who can get to the highest apple. The winner gets to eat it, the highest one is always the sweetest!" Thor was bouncing in excitement, already eager to scale the towering tree.

Although Thor did appear to be stronger than Loki, the younger had an air of confidence. Perhaps he had some trick up his sleeve? You had climbed trees before, but never in a competitive manner, so you were doubtful of your ability to reach the apple before the other boys.

The three of you stood around the base of the tree, waiting for Thor's word to start climbing. You assessed the lowest branches, trying to decide the path you would take to the top. Thor's shout interrupted your thoughts. "Ready..? Begin!"

You jumped to grab a low hanging branch and pulled yourself up into the tree. The limbs closest to the ground were all sturdy, but you worried about climbing to the higher, more flimsy branches, where the highest apple resided. By the time you had pulled yourself to the third branch, Thor was already halfway up the tree, with Loki close on his tail. Loki moved quickly, with incredible agility, as he caught up to Thor. You almost forgot to climb as you watched the two brothers in wonder.

You had barely reached the higher branches when Loki had clutched the apple in one hand, using the other to hold tightly to the branch above. He was pushing Thor away with his foot, keeping him from being able to reach the top of the tree. "I've got it!" He shouted, plucking the apple from its limb and dropping down to a thicker branch.

You climbed to Loki's level, sitting beside him and his brother. He took a bite from the fruit and smiled, his eyes glistening in pride of his victory. After only a bite or two, however, he held it out to you in offering. "Here, you can have it. You've never gotten to taste these."

You took the apple, looking down at it in surprise. "You pushed me off a branch and you're not even going to eat the apple? Why can't I have it?" Thor cried, glaring at Loki.

"Shut up, Thor. He's a guest. You've eaten so many of these apples that you may as well be made of them!" Loki turned to you and his voice became gentle, "Come on, taste it. It's really good. These apples are the best in all of the realms." You looked down at the apple. There were two small chunks missing from where the younger prince had partaken in the treat. He was incredibly alluring, with his kindness and silver tongue, even as a child you were enthralled by him.

"Thank you," you spoke quietly, tasting the pome. It truly was sweet, and incredibly flavorful. It was almost like a rich hybrid of an apple and a pomegranate, and it was incredible.

"Do you like it?" Thor asked, watching you with bright, curious eyes.

You nodded dramatically, taking a larger bite. Thor laughed heartily and threw an arm around your shoulder. You couldn't help but smile hopefully when you met eyes with Loki.

You were still sitting with the boys in the tree, eating close-hanging fruit and laughing, when a guard came to retrieve you for your parents. You left with a promise that you would come back again one day to play with them, holding gently to your mother as you left on horseback.. You ignored the adult's conversation of a successful diplomatic meeting, instead dwelling on the most pleasant afternoon that you had enjoyed and the friends that you hoped so greatly that you would see again.

[adamantred]

Gift for @dovahheim, commissioned by @spectrefox

[adreamcalledeternity]

So...August 29th, huh?

Well well well....borthday....

Today is @bayoyoyoma​ and I’s birthday! I decided I will do a Follow Forever and a giveaway! (Giveaway will be included in another post later.)

These are all people who I consider mutuals who make my dashboard. I’ve been on this site for 5 years, but this is the longest running blog I’ve had out of all three. At 350 followers (so close!), I gotta thank ya’ll for staying with my blog for all of these years. It means a lot to me!

I’ve learned more about myself, my art, and the way I think being on this site. Made great friends, found my forever girl, and made lovely memories with you all.

Now for the Follow Forever! 

Vape Squat >:3c (My close friend group, family, and top-tier people)

@loxops​ @heartlessspade​ @biscottl @cuppyboat @geekisins @shirubabe @bigseanfte40 @infint @bratzdoll @funsizedunicorn  @graciekei���

The Special Fronds (People I consider friends, best friends, or +people I admire from afar)

The OGs when the Bayo fandom was growing

@hansmannette +@digitaldevilqueen +@tdino @camalilium @bunnehren @micma   @lucatiel +@wolftato +@dovahheim 

@umbran-rose​ +@one-dawn +@pastelicsoul  +@cimaldo +@rikzpt  +@sanrxo @sneezingpandasrus @vambieglomp +@jiangshi  +@kiashikun  + @estekke + @your-narrator + @rosedaddv  +@boonbucks-city-beach/ @cyberneticlagomorph  + @pinkymaggie  @thaddeyas +@fxdedpxnk @corvidfeathers​  +@alovelylifetimeaway +@chiffon-fleur +@chleborzoi​ +@pocketsnas​ +@elledriven​

++ @hi-earl-tus​/earlfs    + +  @dongularkong ++ @skepticalporcupine + + @umbransisters &  + +@chaostactician (

Other Sweet Blogs (People who are either mutuals or non mutuals who I admire from even further away!)

@demonipsimus​ @mercyisalesbian​ @lovelylor​ @darkpitpng​ @sataiel​ @emperor-greniuk​ @umbrasnitch​ @kiyumie​ @disgustinganimals​ 

And finally, art blogs that I’m heavily in debt to for inspiring me to become a better artist/animator. Aka, my art gods! (forgive me if this has been a nuisance..!)

@cottonbun​  @maxofs2d @stringbing​ ​ @k-eke​ (’Really look up to these people. How much dedication they put into their work really inspires me, and I hope to be as wonderful as them someday!)

Thank you so much for making my Tumblr experience enjoyable! Forgive me if I did not include you; I either forgot or felt anxious about tagging. Here’s to another year and more to come!  ❤️

[recuperationdisliker]

@dovahheim

[eviipaiadin]

mega sableye

Mega Sableye: not my favorite │ average │ cute │ adorable │ best │ ultimate fave

im love my gemlin baby

[angry-healers]

here's a horror story for healers and dps alike: 3 warriors in dun scathed that are all ADAMANT about not main tanking bonus: they had the nerve to ask why dps was so low while the bosses were running around picking off dps and healers one by one

[recuperationdisliker]

@dovahheim stop

[servantproto]

@dovahheim

[hoshigumayuugi]

Dandere

Dandere - Usually quiet until the right person comes along
 

100% confirmed

[doribuki]

Is the meme "love the cronch"

i--well no but that’s another easter egg i didnt realize id slipped in. even when i am not ACTIVELY trying to meme im memeing. 

[eviipaiadin]

dovahheim replied to your post: and the end to this thrilling saga: i had to get a...

you know what I did

funk off i only made that post after they banned me so unless this is some minority report bullshit that totes doesn’t count

[angry-healers]

dovahheim replied to your post “Potd and ilevel sync do not mix at all... I see way too many people in...”

sure I can't get mad at crafted msq gear or Gubal library but I can at someone still in ironworks in arf

okay that’s unforgiveable tbh lol

-- Mod Mhi

[aetropos]

dovahheim replied to your post: second best part of ffxv so far:

I WAS EATING THOS E BEANS

BEEEEEEAAANS?

[no-reticence]

Didn't mean to come off as rude with that. I just usually blog on mobile so there's no easy way to copy n paste and on top of that class was starting as I was finishing up that thought so I didn't have a lot of time. Sorry 'bout that. But if you'd like to share your thoughts you mentioned via like ask or something I'd be interested to hear them.

Nah, man It’s nothing you did, I’m just petty af and can’t let things go. Also had a REALLY bad week. Sorry ‘bout that.But I can tell you now that I got Pokemon Moon I’m in a much better mood. Again, sorry... ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ