#makes sense in hindsight I'd just never noticed

[rotisseries]

i saw a tiktok earlier reminding me that the divine beasts themes have sos signals in them, which is a detail I'd forgotten about, AND also sharing something I didn't know, which is that how the signals are mixed into each theme is theorized to be providing insight as to how quickly they died and their mindset and I just. guys I'm sorry I love the champions so much I miss them so much the sages will never be them I'M SO SORRY

[daisyswift3]

UMM so cruel summer and a lot of other songs are making a lotttt more sense now that I’ve realized the “devil” that Taylor keeps referring to is actually the music industry as a whole thanks to @keepingsecretstokeepyoutk (see this post). “He looks up grinning like a devil” // “I would’ve stayed on my knees and I damn sure never would’ve danced w the devil AT 19” // “Dear reader if you aim at the devil make sure you don’t miss.” Do you remember the Top Global Artist vid that spotify released that had cruel summer as the background song and had a bunch of cruel summer references? Yeah go back and watch that again w this context in mind 😃 Taylor (the angel) has had enough of the games and is gonna end them once and for all which is very Katniss Everdeen of her—hello the archer 🏹 if any of you have read or watched the hunger games you know how the story ends

And you'll also remember that Katniss escapes the games twice by cheating--the first time w poison berries and the second time by destroying the arena itself (which was a clock) WITH itself using a lightning strike current at midnight that shot thru her arrow -> "And there was one prize I'd cheat to win." Not to mention Katniss was the mockingjay, a symbol of rebellion and resistance. And the fire symbolism in this trilogy was meant to represent how that rebellion can spread from a spark of hope. Snow lands on top but fire melts snow. Taylor is a huge hunger games fan so I wouldn't be surprised at all if these parallels were intentional. Also I'm not the first one to notice the hunger games connections, I saw some other gaylors point this out so I can't take full credit for that

“You play stupid games you win stupid prizes” // “Devils roll the dice” // "Baby let the games begin" // The scrabble instagram post // The mastermind chess board // "You see all the wisest women had to do it this way, cause we were born to be the pawn in every lover's game" // "No more keeping score now I just keep you warm. No more tug of war now I just know there's more"

I think it's possible Taylor knew that her masters were gonna be sold hence all the game imagery and songs abt heartbreak on lover

She's literally gonna take down the industry as a whole and expose everything. This is the reason for all the cryptic messages and meticulous planning. AND THIS IS WHAT THE ALBATROSS IS ABT TOO. “She’s the albatross she is here to destroy you.” They tried to keep her locked away in cages and towers and closets and tried taming her and pulling out her teeth but it didn’t work

“Devils that you know raise worse hell than a stranger” SHE’S the devil now and she’s abt to make their lives a living hell

“She’s the death you chose” i.e. the music industry chose to kill Taylor (which is why TTPD is a post-mortem album) so now she’s coming back to haunt them hence the ghostly Victorian attire. “We gather here we line up weeping in a sunlit room and if I’m on fire you’ll be made of ashes too.” THIS is the karma she’s talking abt that will happen at midnight!!

“You’ll see me in hindsight tangled up w you all night burning it down”

I am the APPARITION. I am the LINE OF POETRY. THAT’S TAYLOR. SHE’S THE GHOST WRITING POST-MORTEM POETRY

Literally feel like I am abt to explode from all the earth-shattering revelations I’ve just had

[dollywheeler]

October 7th, 1996

Dear diary,

Will gave us back our assignments today and he really liked it! I can't help but feel like his opinion is biased though, which is kind of a bummer. I mean, I'm glad that I got a good grade and I'm proud of it so I feel like it deserves the grade it got, but... I don't know. I feel like it would have been more satisfying if it had been graded by someone who hadn't spent Friday night fondueing marshmallows with me at his own dinner table.

Same happens in English now - I always take pride in my essays, but it's hard not to worry that Mike's taking it easy on me, even when he said he wouldn't.

At least I gave Will the copy of Morning Glory after we already got our grades back because that would have been even more damning. Which is exactly why I waited until lunch to pass by his classroom and hand over the tape I'd made as promised, away from prying eyes. Danny walked with me - I'd told him all about our dinner on Saturday over the phone - and in hindsight I probably should have known to expect Mike would be there as well.

They were having lunch together at Will's desk, and through the window I could see them startle as we knocked, but quickly smiled and waved us in when they noticed it was me. As soon as we stepped into the classroom I could tell that Mike was sizing up Danny, even though he already knows him from his English class, and knows he's perfectly smart and polite. He didn't say anything and his expression didn't give anything away as he shifted his attention back to me.

I have to say it's kind of weird having that kind of ... consideration? It's sounds strange and might not make sense but... I've never had a brother before - not like that at least. As annoyed as I want to be over him scrutinizing my life - which he still has no business doing by the way and if he even tries to meddle I will strangle him - it feels nice to have someone watching out for me.

Not that I need protecting from Daniel of all people - he's the sweetest, most considerate boy I know. He's always smiling and it's genuine. I've never met anyone who seems so genuinely happy and kind at all times. It's kind of amazing to see.

But anyway, I gave him the tape and after he'd thanked me I just had to ask Mike if he'd seen the painting Will had made in class.

He'd given us this new assignment - we're back on paint, thank god - and Will had used the projector to show us some new techniques we could try out. He'd started drawing a face from memory and it slowly became obvious that it was Mike - or well, Mr. Wheeler for everyone else in the class. He paused and blinked for a second and then he added antennae and turned him into an alien, making everyone laugh. I don't even think he'd realised what he'd been drawing until he'd seen the whole picture, turning him into an alien to make fun and distract everyone. I wish I could draw like that though - just get lost in a trance and see where my mind ends up. I feel like it would help clear up a messy mind.

Anyway, after he was done with the sketch and actually got around to showcasing the paint techniques - using blues and greens to stick to the alien theme - it actually turned out really cool.

As expected, Will squirmed in embarrassment as I brought up the painting but he pulled it out for Mike and Danny who of course thought it funny as well. And seriously, Will is crazy talented - even this silly five minute painting was insanely well done.

We talked for a while, but Daniel and I still had to get lunch so eventually we had to join the others in the cafeteria.

By the time we got to seventh period English, Mike had hung up the painting in his classroom. He even had a frame for it and everything!

Seriously, where did he get that thing on such short notice?

Love, Holly

[coraniaid]

For the fic ask game, 5, 10, 20 please!

Fanfiction author ask game

5) The fic you’re most proud of writing?

I think the answer has to be Coexist, my season 3 rewrite.

It was the first fic I started writing in the Buffy fandom; it's the (completed) fic that took me the longest to finish [the first chapter was posted in February 2021, but I'd been planning it and drafting it for a while before then, and the last chapter wasn't posted until April 2023]; it's (by some distance) the longest single fic I've written [it's a bit over a quarter of a million words long].

And, now that I've had some time to think about it, I think it holds up pretty well? There are certainly a few sections I'd be tempted to rewrite slightly, and probably some bits which I should have just edited away, and (because I hadn't quite planned things out in as much detail as I thought I had) there's a few moments where the wider timeline doesn't quite work [secondary characters will say things that are meant to be cryptic references to events that I later decided hadn't happened yet], but overall I think I did a pretty good job capturing the story I'd been daydreaming about for a while. I'm still really pleased with the chapters The Price, Reactions and Undertow in particular, and I think the overall story is surprisingly coherent, both structurally and thematically, for something I spent more than two years writing.

10) Best/funniest comment you’ve ever gotten on a fic?

It still kind of amazes me whenever I get ... well, any comments at all, really, but especially comments that take the story I've written seriously as something worth engaging with and analyzing? I'm especially grateful to anybody whose leaves detailed comments or reviews on each chapter as they go, or who leave additional comments to point out things they noticed or enjoyed on a reread (not naming any names but you know who you are). Not to be sappy, but those are the types of comments that I go back and reread when I'm struggling with writing something new and trying to motivate myself to finish a difficult section.

Funniest comments, in hindsight, are the reactions to ... well, there is a certain chapter about a third of the way into Coexist where a Thing happens. I remember being really nervous about posting that one, and I still feel a little guilty if anyone really did stop reading at that point, but looking back the reactions (which included repeated variants on things like "damn" and "what the fuck?" and "I'm so angry right now" and "... ow :(" and "this is some real game of thrones shit") are exactly what I was going for.

20) Hardest character to write/get the characterization correct for?

I think Jenny Calendar is basically impossible to write 'correctly' because she just doesn't have a consistent characterisation in canon (is she a capable practicing technopagan who has a perspective on the supernatural that challenges Giles' own assumptions, or is she Giles' cool teacher girlfriend who helps with research in the library but is hurt and betrayed when the magical side of Giles' past endagers her safety, or is she a walking racist stereotype who [sort-of, somehow] betrayed Giles and Buffy [in ways that never quite make sense] and who has the bad luck to be written by a group of writers who ... well, let's just say that Angel doesn't ever attribute his soul to a Romani curse).

I don't think you can really reconcile those three contrasting versions of the character -- at least not in a way that I personally find satisfying -- so you just have to pick one to be the 'real' version and gloss over the other stuff as best you can. (And I think my summary above makes it clear which version of Jenny Calendar I like.)

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

The process of inventing

Fic for this post

The last, shrill notes of Chenqing dissipated into the air, calming the last remnants of the resentful energy animating the few fierce corpses still standing. The juniors sighed, relieved, a bit ruffled up from fighting fierce corpses and ghosts, but otherwise okay, happy the night hunt was finally over. It hadn't been that difficult in hindsight, but there were a lot of things to do at once and it was a good thing that they had their seniors there to support them when everything started to become overwhelming.

Wei Ying had found himself in charge of assisting the three kids, Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen, while Lan Zhan chased down and apprehended the person behind all the mayhem - so now the five reunited on their way back to the inn they had booked rooms in.

"You were so cool this night hunt, Wei-qianbei!" Jingyi praised and Wei Ying could only respond with a laugh.

"I'm always cool, you guys just aren't paying enough attention."

There was some laughter - and Wei Ying was quite sure Lan Zhan smiled too, in that sweet, fond way he only let Wei Ying see.

"It really is amazing how you're able to control corpses and resentful energy just using sound!" Ouyang Zizhen added. "How does one even get the idea to try something like this?"

Wei Ying's smile dropped slightly enough only for Lan Zhan to notice. He stepped a bit closer to Wei Ying, brushing his hand against Wei Ying's and welcoming it when he entwined their fingers.

"Yeah, to be honest I've been wondering, how did you even invent demonic cultivation, Wei-qianbei?" Lan Jingyi added, so innocently curious it almost ached.

Wei Ying's grip on his husband's hand tightened, but his voice remained as cheerful. "To be honest, I'd started thinking about the possibility ever since I was your age - if not younger! I'd always wondered why nobody's making use of all of this energy laying around, even if it's resentment. It seemed like such a waste to me! Not to mention, so discriminatory too. Everyone's being haunted by ghosts and corpses, but only those that can cultivate a core can defend themselves!"

"That makes so much sense!" Jingyi exclaimed, invigorated. "I haven't really ever thought about any of that!"

"That's why it wasn't you inventing a new cultivation path, Jingyi." Lan Sizhui added, gently, though Jingyi still gasped theatrically.

"But anyway, how did you even do it? I never understand this kind of thing! All the books I've read about inventors are so weird and contrived and nobody wants to describe the process!"

Wei Ying lets out a quiet sigh. Lan Zhan gently strokes his hand with his thumb, caressing his knuckles comfortingly - but before he could tell the juniors to change the subject, Wei Ying continued speaking, giving away nothing of his discomfort.

"It was war, back then. You kids don't know what that's like, and that's great for you. But me and Hanguang-Jun, and everyone in our generation does. Wen Ruohan was vicious, and so were his sons. I was the head disciple of the Jiang sect at that time, and one of them captured me and threw me into the Burial Mounds to kill me."

Lan Sizhui quickly intervened, having read so much on how harmful re-living such trauma could be. "Wei-qianbei, you really don't need to talk about this-"

"It's fine, Sizhui." Wei Ying smiled, reassuring. "It was a lifetime ago, really. Only memories now."

His explanation was resumed. "Because I didn't want to die there and give that bastard the satisfaction, I did my best to defend myself from the ghosts and try to find a way out. What would you know, I suddenly remembered my ideas about harnessing resentful energy - and what place would have been better to test it out than the Burial Mounds?"

Jingyi frowned slightly at that. Wei Ying used his free hand to pat at his head. "I'll tell you in detail, little one, I'm not like those snobby inventors you hate so much!"

"I'm not little!" Jingyi protested, though he continued it with a starry-eyed, "Go on?"

"Well, I had to come up with a way to control all that resentful energy, right? I did invent talismans and everything, but there's so much those can do. And then one day, I remembered about the many songs the Lan sect plays - for suppression, for calming, for interrogation. Couldn't I come up with a song to do all that, but use resentment instead of qi?"

Lan Zhan could feel a bittersweet twinge in his heart. During those horrible three months that Wei Ying never spoke about, had he really thought about the Lan teachings? About Lan Zhan? How had they not realized, throughout all those years, that each other's feelings were more than reciprocated, that their hearts had already been mended into one?

"So, I decided to try to build an instrument." Wei Ying explained, elegantly twirling his flute in his hand. "You guys have been to the Burial Mounds, there's not a lot to work with there, so I carved this flute from some oaktree. I would have made a guqin, really, but I had nowhere to get string from!" A short laugh. "So, after I created Chenqing, I started testing it out and seeing what resentful energy answered to. And that's the story of how I invented demonic cultivation. Well, technically it's not demonic, it's ghostly. But I guess demonic has a different ring to it, you know?"

"That's so interesting!" Ouyang Zizhen and Lan Jingyi exclaimed at once and Wei Ying laughed again, more relaxed than before.

"You should invent more things!" Jingyi added, excited. "I bet there's a lot of-"

"I've done enough inventing for two lifetimes, Jingyi." Wei Ying interrupted, an easy, encouraging grin on his face. "It's your guys' turn now, alright? But I hope you invent things because you want to, not because your survival depends on it, alright?"

[bloody-wonder]

I found this interesting books ask :

https://www.tumblr.com/dnana-2809-blog/749706502296813568/bookish-asks?source=share

Do you mind if I ask, no. 13, 14, 15, 18, and 50? Thanks...😁

thank you! i love talking about books :)

13. name a book with a really bad movie/tv adaption.

i just finished another book by celeste ng so the one that springs to mind right away is little fires everywhere. imo ng's biggest strength is that she writes about identity politics in a very accessible but nuanced way and the show adaptation just took all that nuance and threw it out of the window. my personal little nitpick is that they turned the mc who is aroace-coded in the book into a bisexual. yes, one could argue that her ruminating on how she can't help her daughter deal with romantic heartbreak bc she has never been in love herself is just a throwaway line but it's one of those lines that completely reframes the character and makes everything we learned about her make more sense in hindsight - that is, if you're open to seeing someone as aroace. if not, as a reader, you will assume she has probably had relationships which she just never mentions bc they're not relevant to the story (see: dumbledore rollerblading in every scene). as a showrunner, you will fill in those alleged gaps in her romantic and sexual life with bisexual drama which will give you more content for the show's runtime, if nothing else. so that is an interesting example of aroace erasure - it's not intentional but the fact that a person's deliberate lack of love life is something they, consciously or not, decided just not to represent speaks to a larger problem with aroace rep. if you straightwash a queercoded character people will likely notice. if you allo-wash an aroace-coded character no one will even blink.

14. name a book where the movie/tv adaption actually was better than the original.

i can't think of one that is better than the original off the top of my head but there are some adaptations i'm attached to much more than i like their source materials. the lord of the rings movies, for example. a re-read of the series i did a few years ago proved to be a slog but the movies will forever remain a special quality time i can share with my dad. the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy is another example. i know for a fact that the fans of the book don't like the adaptation but i'm biased bc it's one of my comfort movies and i don't get why the book is supposed to be better, despite having read it two times🤷‍♀️

15. what book changed your life?

all for the game changed my life bc by reading it and becoming part of the fandom i have discovered the aroace spectrum and realized i'm on it (on the far end of it, in fact lol). i'm pretty certain the same couldn't have happened via just learning about asexuality from some educational materials bc neil's headspace and the subsequent frustration with how he got twisted in fanon were essential for my aroace awakening🖤🩶🤍💜💚

18. which character from a book is the most like you?

lol idk. i think if i encountered a character who is a lot like me it would make me so uncomfortable i'd erase this from my memory immediately. so instead of an answer please kindly accept this meme i made for my friends and draw your own conclusions😅

50. why do you love to read?

i read for escapism. that's why entertainment and immersion are the main two factors that make or break a book for me. granted, i have weird tastes and often find entertaining the things other readers find boring and vice versa. and i like when fiction is so immersive i can feel my soul leave my body and get transported to a different world, a different life. bc of this one might think i yearn for adventure but that's not true - i love my boring life and i love the illusion of control one has as a reader compared to the lack of control one often experiences irl: if the adventure is not to my liking i can simply close the book.

bookish asks

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

You smiled at me..

Not just with your lips but with your eyes.

Your eyes...

I never knew anyone smiled with their eyes anymore - but you...

You did.

We sheepishly exchanged glances and grinned at each other.

I didn't know whether to keep staring into your eyes as you looked at me or to look away - blushing I looked away still smiling.

I couldn't believe you saw me.

We saw each other..

You looked so kind..

I wonder what you thought of when you saw me?

I instantly remembered I was wearing my "nobody's going to see me" outfit.

I looked like a bag lady.

But you..You smiled at me.

And not like an awkward smile in passing you casually give to someone on the street to be polite.

Or a "oh you poor slobby girl" kind of sad I feel bad for you smile.

You smiled at me and you meant it.

I secretly made it look like I was on my phone and snapped a few pictures, not because of some weird 'saving that for the wank bank' thing, I honestly just wanted to have evidence that you were real if that makes sense.

I'm not creepy or weird, I promise.

Ugh, why is it the more I try not to be creepy and weird that's when I get extra creepy and weird?

Anyways..

You played on your phone but you kept looking over at me, and I made it look like I wasn't already staring at you and I didn't notice.

I did notice.

We smiled at each other again.

You reminded me of a mix between Roe Kapara and Billy from Stranger Things if you can imagine that.

I sat and stared at you some more like a stalker the whole rest of the ride until you got off at your stop.

I started reading you like a book, noticing every little detail on the page you let me see.

Your hands, I bet they were good at holding things.

Your lips, pouty.

Your chin, one of those chins I like - a chin that you can imagine placing your thumb and forefinger on to lightly pull them close to kiss them.

The outline of your jaw - the way your muscles tightened slightly in your cheeks when you swallowed.

You shaved but you had a little bit of stubble coming in.

Your neck, that little freckle you have -

The way your dark curls just grazed the nape.

Your eyebrows, real and full - not tweezed like most guys nowadays.

The thought you put into getting dressed, nice and put together but not fruity.

I wondered what you had in your satchel...

Gosh, I'm getting carried away...

I did look out the window every now and then as to not give myself away.

But I just couldn't help myself, you were wonderful and you instantly had me at that smile your eyes gave me.

What is it with me and eyes?

I didn't want you to go..

I wish I could've talked to you, or had the guts to do anything but stare at you and grin like a vegetable.

I had visions of me taking my hat off and swinging my hair around like I was an 80's supermodel on the hood of your car.

Then I remembered I was wearing a hat because I skipped hair wash day and that just wouldn't have been pretty.

You glanced at me once more before saying thank you to the bus driver.

I could hear your voice over my earbuds,

Your voice was nice too.

You got off close to where I live,

I was just literally on that street an hour before.

Do you live close?

Will I see you again?

I hope so...

I prayed to God afterwards that I'd meet someone that was kind looking like you.

God definitely did a good job making you,

I hope you know that.

~Jenni

In hindsight re-reading this I sound like a full on stalker 🙈 I'm laughing and crying so hard right now, this is the funniest, most awkwardly romantic thing I think has ever happened to me. But for real why do people appear like this to me, like screw off with your good looking self and stop being so cute wtfudge. It's unnecessary and unacceptable to be that good-looking and leave the damn house. I'm looking like I just spent a year dumpster diving and you smile at me with those eyes of yours. Damn it man, either I'm damn-good looking too or both of us are equally delusional 😂

[sanctified-silence]

Statement of Grian... no last name, huh. Statement of Grian, regarding luring fishing experience. Original statement was given 12 of February, 2024. Audio recorded by [static] the head archivist of [static]. Statement begins.

I've never been quite into fishing before. Not much of surprise, I probably don't look the type, I know. And I don't think I am "into" fishing now, to be crystal clear. Actually, I think that I won't be able to even think of fishing after all this is done. I will just try my best to forget this ever happen and come back to the architecture.

It was meant to be a break, okay? I was in quite the burn out recently. Work, work, work and more work just piled up my back, not giving me any room for breathing. More projects, more calculations, more designs, more thrown out expensive paper. More awful people I have to deal with to explain why their idea of the architecture and exterior design not only majorly impractical, but also dangerous. And I was having none of it.

Of course, when I saw that damn advert, I didn't hesitate to throw it all far away for some needed pause. Here, I wrote down exactly what it was saying.

[There's an attachment to the file of a small paper, on which was written down the words "Stillwaters Paradise - the best place to relax and take it slow, while the time swirls around you". There's also some artistic rendition of what the advert looked like in a rather sketchy drawing of lake and forest]

The next thing I know I was at that park, paying for my stay. I remember the woman that met me at the counter. Something about her gave me the willies, maybe it was her almost white grey eyes, that seemed a bit big for her face, that stared at me with distant expression. Her hair were sticking to her face and neck in way they would if they were wet. She reminded me of a dead fish, holding her lips slightly open.

She asked me if I'd like the fishing equipment go into my check. At first I tried to refuse, but her eyes made me feel dizzy as she was talking about how great this park is for all fishermen, so I reluctantly agreed.

At first I was just taking a nice stroll around the park, taking in the nature, since it was beautiful, haven't visited that many natural resources in the UK, or anywhere, for that matter, but the place was gorgeous, full of different trees and flowers. What I did notice however was that it was quiet. Uncanny quiet, I mean. No birds, no flies, no mosquitos, no anything. Just the sound of leaves moving on the wind.

It weirded me out a lot, but I wrote it off as me being stressed and overworked or something. Coming to a lake, I noticed multiple sets of fishing equipment in the shack nearby, I remembered that I actually payed for it, so might as well make my money worth, I figured and took one. I know, it sounds kinda stupid in hindsight, but I didn't know at the time that it's not a common practice. As I said, never was a fishing guy.

There were a couple of people who were fishing there already. None of them greeted me or even glanced at me, when I came down to a shore. Weird, but I just thought it's because they were really concentrated on what they were doing. They still creeped me out so I took a place as far of them as I could. I tried to make sense of the fishing equipment stuff I got, it seemed pretty straight forward from sidelines. And soon the float was in the water, innocently bobbing around.

At first it was somewhat normal I caught a couple of small fish, no clue what they are, but they gave enough of rush of emotion to continue on fishing.

I was staring at the float, there it was making a small circles on the water surface, I felt my eyelids get heavier and it took me a lot of strength to keep the open. My stomach started making that weird feeling of my very insides rotating, like unsettled bad lunch. There was this float. Bobbing. With time the circles of waves it was making started slowly spiraling inwards. No, the whole water surface around it started bending in those shapes without a proper form, shifting, breathing. Same is for my fishing rod.

Well, the rod in my hands stood unchanged, maybe a bit sharper and pointy than it's supposed to, but it was still normal. It's the fishing line, it's spun on itself and then in the next moment there was two. Three, four, six, ten, all different, with the same float, but they bounced on those weird waves that made no sense in their own manner. A few of them were pulled down as if the were getting the fish.

I tried to pull, but to no avail, the fish, or whatever was biting the bait was far stronger than me, but I could pull the other ones with no problem. It is then I looked into the sky, I don't remember why, maybe because I needed to stop my eyes from hurting, or maybe it was my growing headache, but there was no relief for either of them up there. Because all of the sky was in those fractal impossible shapes. Even the sun, it looked cartoon almost, bright, but not blinding. Headache inducing.

I got up from my fishing spot and immediately regretted it, the wildest vertigo I ever felt made me dizzy, I closed my eyes, trying to find a balance, but when I opened them again, I felt even more sick. I was standing in the sky, fishing. One of the rods caught on the sky's fractal and I tugged. I wish I didn't.

When I pulled, the whole damn sky was swept away under my feet and swirled, becoming this mess of blue, orange, yellow, green and white, trying to mix with water and surroundings of the park. The colours were bright, the edges of this swirl were sharp and it cut me and my clothes in multiple places, I think it even broke one of my nails. But it called me. It hurt to look, to touch, to even hear, because the noise was nothing I ever thought was possible, but I stepped into it. And another step, going further and further.

Just like that it was over.

Another visitor of the park was shaking me violentely, as we stood in the lake, knee deep. There was no rod in my hands. Actually there was nothing on my hands or arms or anywhere on me for that matters those deep painful cuts that I thought was there a moment ago. I looked back at where my fishing spot was, where also supposed to be the fish I caught. There was no fish there.

After that with half wet pants I drove off, back home. Far from this weird place. I remember the look of something I can only interpret as hungry disappointment in the face of the woman at the front desk.

I had a several nightmares after that, all far too bright and confusing. I remember standing in the fishing store, looking at equipment, but I have no recollection of going in. I found a rod by my door in one of the mornings. Sold it immediately. I found myself even driving the road to this park at multiple times, but turned around as soon as I understood where I was going.

Today was a first day when I took a shower without feeling like the drain collected a swirling light with the water.

[skythesnake]

Afraid of Love - Book 1 of the Soulmate series

Chapter 2

Natasha was in pure awe. The girl she saw standing in front of her was goddess level beautiful. Is… this what having a soulmate feels like? Natasha still didn’t know the girl’s name, but she felt her face heat and the rest of the world seemed to fade around the girl timidly standing in the doorway of the lunchroom, trying to figure out where she should sit. She cleared her throat and forced herself to look away. It took her longer than she would have liked to admit to realize the entire room had quieted. The poor girl looked terrified. Alex stood up and walked over, taking the girl’s arm and gently guiding her to their empty table. Natasha’s mind scattered, thoughts felt sluggish and too fast all at once and she couldn’t make sense of any of them. Alex sat the girl next to Natasha and then took her seat next to Lee. Natasha didn’t catch any of the friendly words Alex and Lee threw out. She just had to focus on quieting her mind. Not noticing the fact that the tanktop the girl wore was in her favorite shade of purple. Not noticing the way her golden hair was perfectly braided in a thick braid thrown over shoulder. 

“Um… my name is Calliope. I use She/Her pronouns…” Her voice was soft and smooth and it helped to bring Natasha out of her panicked thoughts. Alex’s voice came back into focus.

“That’s a pretty name! This is my friend Natasha. Also She/Her pronouns, not really sure what’s wrong with her. Probably just had a bad day.” She didn’t trust herself to speak so she just nodded and gave Calliope an apologetic smile. Calliope nodded and went back to quietly eating her food. Now that she’d been brought out of whatever the hell her brain had just gone through, she could think much more clearly and couldn’t understand what had just happened. She mentally shrugged and finished her food. She was almost sure now that Calliope wasn’t her soulmate. There was no feeling of connection, no certainty that this girl was “the right one”. Maybe they could be friends though.

. . .

I have never been the talkative sort. My entire life, I’ve been extremely shy, and my parents uprooting my entire life to move to the bigger town definitely didn’t help things. Of the thousand and one ways I had worried today would go, another girl who hadn’t told anyone her soulmate wasn’t one of them.  In hindsight, it probably should have been. My hometown was much smaller and even there, kids were known not to share their soulmate's name until they were about 20 - the legalized adult age. It shouldn't have been too much of a stretch to think the same might be here. It's a town bigger than any I'd traveled to before; I didn't know what to expect. After I denied the first several people to ask who my soulmate was, people stopped asking. Before the school day even started, I was labeled as ‘other’. So much for that fresh start Father had promised me. The first class was a little slice of hell. The teacher was nice, sure, but they had called me to the front of the class to introduce myself. I stuttered my way through my name and pronouns, but then stopped, unsure of what else to say. Mx. Green smiled warmly at me and told me I could go back to my seat. The students didn’t seem to hate or ridicule me all that much, but I still felt my face heat as I sat down, sure I’d made a fool of myself at this school. Again. The worst of it was lunchtime. I struggled to find the cafeteria, and when I did, I seemed to be the last person there. I stood in the entryway, trying to figure out where to sit, unconsciously shrinking into myself. My eyes darted around the room to find one friendly face. One person I hadn’t met or seen today that might not hate me. A girl with strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes stood and gently took my arm in her hand. She led me over to her table, mostly empty aside from a boy with short black hair, buzzed on the sides, and a very pretty girl with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and freckles that dusted her nose and cheeks. The first girl introduced herself as Alex, She/Her pronouns, and smiled at me warmly. The boy introduced himself as Lee, He/Him pronouns. Apparently, the two were soulmates. They looked expectantly at the second girl who was dutifully eating her food and pointedly not looking at me. Had she heard about me already and the other two had not? Was she about to look up and expose my strangeness? Did she hate me already? But no, she seemed to not notice me, nor her friends looking at her. So I introduced myself

“Um… my name is Calliope. I use She/Her pronouns…” I had meant it to sound more cool and confident, but it had come out as more of a timid mutter. Alex seemed to hear me anyway since she smiled at me again.

“That’s a pretty name! This is my friend Natasha. Also She/Her pronouns, not really sure what’s wrong with her. Probably just had a bad day.” The girl - Natasha - looked up then. She didn’t say anything, just nodded slightly and smiled apologetically at me. As if by instinct, I nodded at her, then went back to eating. Try as I might, I could not stop worrying about her. Her purposefully blank face arose in my mind again and again, no matter how many times I tried to banish it. I sighed inwardly and did my best to keep my anxiety off my face for the rest of the day.

[akash1618]

21 oct. monday

she has dyed the tips of her hairs red :) proly saw that for the first time on thursday or friday, or i might be overthinking actually. very unsure.

would've been an "everyday" like day, and i'd have put it off for logging but nah, today turned out to be very different.

i was tasked to receive the game boxes from porter at around 6:30. i called the delivery guy at 7, and he told me that it'd take him a lot of time to reach. i had finished my work and really had nothing to do, so i just went down near the building's gate. a coworker also came along.

around 7:15 and he still didn't come. it was nearly her time to leave office. she leaves at around 7:30, so i convinced this new coworker who didn't knew anything to go up and rest. i'll just call him when the porter guy arrives. phish, i was feeling so guilty, but i did convince him anyway :p

he left. i was waiting for her to leave so i could see her at the building's gate.

it was around 7:30 and the guy didn't come so i called him again. it was such an unlucky call by me that the moment the call connected, she came walking down by stairs. she opened the door, i saw her and turned around. she proly sensed something and turned around slightly. then, she left.

i was low-key cursing myself for dialing the porter guy at that time.

my thoughts were - i would never again get such an opportunity ever again to talk with her.

on the hindsight - ig it was good that i didn't make an attempt at that time. she definitely has never noticed me yet. an attempt would have labelled me as a creep.

the porter guy arrived some time later. called my coworker, and shifted the boxes above.

how i always look at her:

i wonder when it'd be like this:

[ihavejustthisonethingtoshare]

HRT Journey

I started HRT about a year ago, and the Gender Spiral Podcast was definitely a big part of coming to the decision to try it. Hearing stories of other NBs, sharing similar doubts and uncertainties about their genders made me feel more secure that all these feelings are valid, and none of them are a strong enough deterrent from trying out taking T.

Thinking back on the moment of decision, Dr. Beal's take on the number of things you're excited about vs the number of things that scare you - makes so much sense! And that's pretty much how I arrived at the decision to try it. I was excited about more muscle definition around my neck, shoulders, and jaw, I was excited about stronger-looking arms, excited about a deeper voice. Not worried about body hair and more fat around the stomach. Kinda nervous about facial hair, and loss of head hair, and really hated the idea of bottom growth.

I started with a 2.5g daily dose of Testosterone Gel 1%. Improvements in mood and energy were felt almost immediately. It normalized within a few days. After a month, not noticing any physical changes I tried going up to 5.0g daily. I tried that for a month, but it got way too intense. I would get really horny, and would get random erections (?? i guess). And I hated it. It was the feeling of "bottom growth" I was worried I'd hate. This was all entangled in me coming to terms with being Ace too, so it didn't feel like me. I found that it wasn't bottom growth per se that bothered me - I just didn't want anything going on down there taking up space and attention. So I took a week break (maybe a month even) - no T at all. Until all these unwanted side effects subsided. And went back to 2.5g daily. And it all felt normal again. That's the best way I can describe it, with a small amount of T in my body I just feel normal. I would sometimes take a couple of days break after getting my period, if I was feeling overwhelmed. But mostly maintained the same dosage.

After 6 months I started noticing other physical differences. The hair on my chin and neck started to grow more. I thought it would bother me more - but it's just kinda there. I've always had some facial hair and was made to feel self-conscious about it. But accepting it as part of my trans-non-binary identity helped me be like - fuck it, that's just my body, it has hair places - deal with it. So I let it grow, and shave every couple of days. I got a fancy safety razor, and i actually really enjoy using it. And it all feels normal. I also noticed more definition around my neck, shoulders, and jaw. My voice started to drop a bit. Although I can still hit the same old high pitches, it's just the relaxed register is lower now. It feels more mucousy and nasally - but not in a bad way. After getting over a cold recently - I thought my voice was still hoarse - but then I was like - oh yeah, that's just my trans voice… something that I wasn't really expecting or thinking about (but makes sense in hindsight) the way my body smells changed. And I think the new smell bothers me less… my head hair actually started to grow back at my temples and the sides of my forehead. I was worried about additional hair loss, because I was already experiencing some, but now I think it may have been more anxiety-related, and getting a handle on that helped. My hair is still pretty thin at the top of my forehead, but with a good haircut, it doesn't bother me much.

My periods never stopped, which is a bummer. Not a fan of periods. When I was still trying to get a handle on my anxiety, period-time would be extra hard, and I'd often feel dizzy. It's better now - with T and a mix of anxiety meds. But still a work in progress. I'm trying the Slynd birth control pill to help with the periods. A bit nervous that it would counteract the T too much - since I'm on such a low dose already. But so far seems fine - and I have not needed to take a break from T during my last period, which is cool. But we'll see how it goes.

I think because I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, and had elevated levels of T at puberty - I wasn't too bothered by the changes my body was going through then. I was just having a hard time fitting into the idea of "girl" everyone tried to squeeze me into. But when I got older, the cysts went away and my T levels dropped, the way I was aging didn't feel right anymore. I stopped looking at myself in the mirror because I didn't recognize the person looking back anymore, and I much preferred my reflection in other people - through the eyes of people I loved and loved me. But it was getting really hard to connect with my own body. I simply couldn't see what they were seeing. I looked so jaded in the first video of myself I made to track my progress. I am so much happier now. I'm exploring new fashion, and it's fun again. I recognize myself in the mirror, and I like what I'm seeing. I'm still aging - and that is a gift in its own right - but the way I am aging makes sense now. I just feel normal.

I'm thinking about top surgery next. The boobs gotta go. They just don't make sense on my body anymore. I'm taking my time figuring it all out. I'm nervous about getting a major surgery. But the more I've been reading about it, the more right it feels.

I don't think I'm done transitioning, I don't think we ever truly arrive at a "final form". You just kinda go with the flow, and what feels right. But I do feel more secure in my identity now. And that's huge, honestly.

[keefwho]

September 13 - 2023 Wednesday

9:03am

I'm having the thought that I won't be able to focus on work today since I'm not streaming. I'm having the thought that I keep making things weird with people and thats a form of pushing them away. I'm having the thought that I won't be able to figure out what it is about myself that makes me believe I'm so unlovable. I'm having the thought that nothing I do today can make me feel better and lighten up.

11:00pm

This morning was the same breakfast as yesterday which was lovely. I watched the second episode of the Mia and Me show, it's pretty bad but I'm still intrigued by it. Something about it feels cozy in a way, something about it gives me PS2 vibes.

I didn't stream today, I tried to do my work alone. I did just about as bad a job as yesterday in the sense that I wasted a lot of time goofing off even though I did get it all done within the time frame I absolutely needed to. I want to get better about conforming to my schedule when conditions aren't favorable. I can do it fine if everything is perfect. I figure part of being mature means you can't wait for just the right conditions for everything. I mowed the lawn real good before lunch and also split some wood. It's one of my weekly workouts until it all gets split.

Lunch was beef stew with pasta in it. I played some HOI4 pony mod and watched some Chris Chan documentary. When work time came around I told myself I'd be better about it than I was earlier in the day and I was. I did the request and moved onto personal stuff, getting it done with much less time wasted than before. I had meant to make up for the 20 minutes I missed on commissions but I didn't do that. After work I booted up Starfield and spent an ungodly amount of time in the ship editor just to get basically nowhere. I might stick to premade ships unless I get some inspiration to build my own.

I had asked Daisy if she wanted to do something new and interesting this evening which she agreed to. When the time came to hang out we both didn't know what to do. I was down to pick literally anything as long as we've never done it or hadn't for awhile. I have the bad habit of not being able to settle on anything when I know any choice would be fine as long as I stuck to it. She seems to have the same trouble figuring out what to do sometimes. I want to overcome this so I can not only stop being bored but so I can also maybe be a sort of activity leader for those that are also stuck. Sometimes all it takes is that one person who takes the leap into doing literally anything to kickstart others.

We ended up searching around Roblox for a little bit and peaked into this horse game that we determined was pretty bad. In hindsight I wish I had tried to do some actual RP of sorts, that would have been new and interesting. I think I was too afraid to try at the time or wondered if I could even keep up with something like that. She also showed me some EPCOT posters on pinterest before she headed upstairs where we played Sky briefly. She was super tired and went to sleep while I played more Starfield which felt very cozy. It's not often I commit my attention to something like I did with Starfield tonight.

Tonight I was noticing how I try to conserve energy a lot and also try to do things in the laziest way possible while calling it "efficient". I guess in some ways it is but I was thinking about the value in deliberately putting no cap on my energy use for the sake of doing everything to the best of my ability. It also helps to keep me from overthinking because it demands a lot of mental process as well.

Today I had also forgotten all about focusing on what I'm working for rather than what I'm working against. It was helping a lot to keep my eyes on the prize but I forgot that already. Perhaps tomorrow I'll remember.

A good thing I did today was committing my attention to Starfield in my free time. I really got invested and it felt nice. Also the commitment I had to making something fresh happen tonight even if it didn't completely work out.

[gaiaspoken]

"Oh, you!" Always taking the chance to flirt with her.

She's noticed the bandages ever since he initially returned home, but never really stopped to think about just how serious the burns were underneath. It made sense, in hindsight, why he looked so pained at times but constantly reassured her that he was fine. She knew he wasn't entirely, but never pushed too hard regarding them and only made sure to tell him to take care. "Y'know if you ever need help with those, I can change them, too. I'm sure it's a hassle doing it by yourself and I'd really love to help you."

When he flops on top of her, Aerith makes a little oof sound. "Just don't strain yourself, okay? Not at work or on our date-cation!" A hand reaches to ruffle his hair. "You gonna laze here for a little bit or are we gonna take that cable car anytime soon? I don't mind either way." She's enjoying the moment of peace between them, so she's not in any real rush for him to move.

｢𓆄｣ "I'm not sure it'll beat the view I've got right now, that's for sure!" Ever so flirty with her... "Better to be safe than sorry, on the altitude thing, though."

"Oh, yeah, I'll be fine." He pulled down his turtleneck ever so slightly to reveal the bandages under his clothes. "I change these daily. There's ointments and stuff underneath to help with the burning sensations and itchy ones too." He shrugged, "As far as water goes: I can go about waist deep. It'll be fineeee!"

Hawks flopped ontop of her, laying across her chest, "I fly around a little. Flitting and fluttering where I'm needed, but no full on flights. Maybe in a week I'll see if I'm up for it."

[lightdancer1]

ATLA one-shot 'Regrets and Hindsight'

Azula had never gotten on especially well with Uncle Iroh. It had not helped that as a child she had internalized her father's hate and resentiment, his sense of grinding inferiority. Iroh was the great man of the war, he who had taken the Fire Nation to the cusp of victory before it had all gone so badly wrong in the Siege of Ba Sing Se. Iroh was beloved of Fire Lord Azulon, had dwelt in the glories of the golden child, a prison and the understanding of the nature of the bars it wrought in bloodsoaked iron that made Azula understand her uncle more, now.

Her wedding was in a month, and out of all her blood-kin it was he who had found out. Who had sought her here, in the distant and unloved southernmost island of the Fire Nation. He had come alone, and they were here, in the house of the couple who had taken her in, who in her heart of hearts she knew were her true kindred, whatever else the House of Sozin lied to itself that it was.

He did not look dour or angry, nor was there the sense of impending doom from a wildfire that erupted from a lightning strike that was there when the Dragon of the West coiled from its lair and hissed like the shrieking of a dying Sun. They were seated with a tea set, one that she remembered from precious memories held like gold, and times when she had had a true peace with her cousin.

He studied the way she moved the cup and the saucer while she did not look at him and his gaze softened.

"No," he said, answering the question she'd asked. "I did not in truth understand the full wrongness of what it was when my brother burned yours." He rolled up his right sleeve and an old faint burn scar was visible, Azula's eyes widening slightly. "My own Father corrected us that way, Ozai and I. He much more than I, and mostly on his back. I, only once, and on my arm where I could never forget it."

He winced.

"I was upset at it because I saw what it did to him, but I did not truly understand just how deeply wrong it was until after the war, when your mother spoke to me in that voice of thunder and doom." Azula went almost automatonically still and Iroh's eyes saddened at the sight. She seemed stiffer still when she noticed, if that were possible.

"If you're wondering, she did send me. She is the one who got....word, of the impending event. And overreacted." His smile was a crooked one, and for a moment it became darker and colder and she could see a trace of the Dragon.

"She seems to think these Ulus-folk kidnapped you and indoctrinated you."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Well I am getting married to a woman."

A shadow crossed his face.

"Lu Ten loved Kenpachiro," he sighed. "Very dearly. Along with Naru. A relationship of three, a triad that worked more truthfully than any of the criminal gangs that took the name for violence and murder. I.....I was not the father I should have been for him. And it is far too late to make amends for my greatest failing."

Azula was more still than before and there were stormclouds in that gaze of hers impending, or light that could shine through them like the rays of Agni.

"And I can and will take that chance here. If Ursa is so foolish as to interfere I will leave it to her to do it herself." He grimaced again. "She is unfortunately the Eye and Ear again, so she has that power if she elects to use it."

Azula nodded.

"Thanks for the warning," Iroh's lips quirking slightly at the tone of sarcasm there.

"In truth, niece, though I do not expect you to accept it, I want to apologize for my errors concerning you. It wasn't so simple as hindsight with Ozai, not really. It was that day on the boat. I lived for weeks with the guilt that I'd killed you, where Zuko couldn't see it. Guilt, regret. Shame. Awareness that as I sought to keep one of Ozai's children alive I'd murdered another.

Then I learned you were alive and unharmed and to my deeper shame I began to think your mother was right after all. That nothing human could survive that fall, and that whatever went up from the water was either not what had gone down into it....or in truth, I found an easier means to reconcile the set of evils I made for myself."

He put the teacup down.

"I should have taken you both from the war, whether or not you agreed to it. I ruined so much of your lives, because I was selfish. The spirit world gave me a third chance, after the Dragons, and after Lu Ten. And I blew it remorselessly, because the one capacity I have always had is to snatch personal defeat from the jaws of victory unerringly. Your Aunt Hino and I, Lu Ten, thinking Zuko was my second chance at a son only to do much worse by him than I did the first."

Azula listened quietly. "And for all that I failed him, I did far worse by you. I saw a monster rising from the sea, and let myself lie myself into that. Stirred up your brother against you, incited attitudes that led to fear and hate and darker things that worked terrible ruin. I could have seen a child indoctrinated and, unfortunately with my mindset then if I had seen how desperately you wanted unconditional love I could have manipulated you so very easily with that."

Azula's eyes were wide, and then there was sorrow in them and she did not meet his gaze.

"You could have, yes." Her voice was very soft. "I would have burned the world for anyone who truly offered to me that. Ozai didn't. I knew that. It was why I defied his orders in the pretense of upholding them."

Iroh grimaced. "Yes," he said softly, "and I showed you ill gratitude for that. You did a master of filial piety to an old man who tried to kill you in cold blood. As I said, I have no expectation of your accepting this apology, for words alone would not be enough."

His niece sipped from her tea and said nothing.

"I made the evils that beset me when they did not have to become what they did. I made no true efforts to change them and for that, the world around me gave me...." he sighed, looking at the place Azula had found a second home in. "Evil intent, however disguised, only brings evil result. I helped make the war what it was, and then left it to children alone to fix ravages I made. I could have done much better than I did."

At that Azula nodded, then her lip quirked slightly. "If I had been wiser I would have seen what Zuzu saw before me, that victory was more ruinous than defeat so long as we stayed where we were."

Iroh nodded. "And that I could not let myself altogether see then. It took the discovery of just how much the Dai Li have been shaping everything with my shop to understand that. It makes perfect sense, in retrospect. The White Lotus and the Dai Li keep the conqueror of Ba Sing Se in a gilded cage and the one that both see as the greater potential threat," his eyes turned to her and she raised her eyebrow, "Far away. Not from a threat of menace. In truth you did more for the Outer Ring and parts of the Middle than the Earth Kings did during the war and Kuei is doing after it."

His nose twitched.

"You were a conqueror but a fair ruler, and the Earth Kingdom had and has no choice but to count you as one of the Earth Queens who kept the throne in order. When the legacy of the initial euphoria of my liberation of the city wore off, those who knew who Mushi truly was tried to lynch me more than once, for I was....selfish."

Azula said nothing to that, sipping her drink again.

Then she looked at him closely.

"We all make mistakes," she said quietly. "Some more serious than others."

He nodded.

"I internalized too much of everything Ozai said, because it was all I knew. Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee have forgiven me, as I've forgiven myself. Mai and Ty Lee told me the war brought me to that point, but they can't see the war itself was the great wrong."

Iroh blinked. "Is that why-"

She nodded.

"I can't risk something so fragile and won back by hard work on arguments over the past. And if I stay in that palace, nothing good can come of that."

Iroh looked around, seeing more of the place and his eyes widening slightly at portraits of Azula with the glassblowers, a small smile crossing his lips.

"Well," he said lightly, "you've found happiness."

She nodded. "I have. And you're right, I don't accept your apology for almost killing me. Aang did accept mine for him, but it rather did help that he didn't altogether die. Master Katara," she shrugged more lavishly. "I think she's trying but that one holds a grudge more than I ever do." She shivered slightly. "In her view the outcome of the Agni Kai made it even."

There was a distant look in her eyes. "I do, however, accept it for not understanding the full truth. If I can forgive myself for everything I did in not accepting it...." she took a deep breath and there was silence. "Why would I make others hold to a higher standard than I do for myself?"

He blinked and nodded, understanding that. "Mai didn't forgive me and won't for the Rock, even if we are friends again. Some things are unforgivable, but that doesn't mean the end of a relationship."

Then she leaned forward slightly and Iroh's eyes widened when she said "I do want at least one person from....the family...there at the wedding. Zuzu and Mai and company can't come here, it'd make a bigger storm and that'd bring in Mother. Would you...."

He nodded, then, decisively.

"It would be my honor." And then he bowed deeply, and there was a moment where both could almost feel an old scar briefly flaring back and then at last having a chance to heal, and to recede into the shadow and nightmare-infested elements of the past.

[madebysoupy]

Part two of @snarkyhag 's ask!

The gold lamé pants of Infamy

Oh dear lord have mercy

This outfit isn't just iconic, it's

✨Iconiqué✨

Before I get into it I'd just like to appreciate how he went from baby to babe and back to baby in 0.2 seconds

I don't have to mention the pants, we all know and love em (except Chris in hindsight)

Look at the belt though!! She's a skinny legend ✨👌

loving that shiny golden buckle, and I love that it's a slightly darker and more saturated shade than the pants!

How have I never noticed those golden accents on the collar? Very fancy, very cute 💖✨

The shirt itself is a really nice shade of anthracite (if I'm not mistaken), I think it's much nicer than it being pure black

It's just that bit more extra ✨

You can see here that he's wearing an undershirt. Usually I'd subtract points for straight boy antics like that, but since he's dancing it makes sense and I'll let it slide

I couldn't get a good picture of his shoes, but I love em! Shiny and classy ✨

I can't tell what colour they are because they're so reflective, but I think they're black?? Maybe a super dark brown?? Either way, they're cute

Bonus: he had his swans on standby💖

They're!!!!!!!!! So!!!!!!!!!!!! Cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love the inverted theme with gold as the main colour and black accents

The bows and the gloves are so cute 😭😭💖💖💖

Overall rating: 1000/10, icon status

Wonderful job, everyone involved 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[phenomenalcosmicpowers]

In a recent post on I Dream of Twilight Sparkle I said that I noticed asks that were not in my inbox the last time I decided to read through my entire ask box. So I did the same for my mod blog. And while there were some also that I didn't see before. Most are questions I feel either I feel like I may have already sufficiently answered enough with my thoughts on an episode and/or it'd be weird at this point to answer something that's obviously years after the fact.

But there is two I found that I feel like I may want to respond to. The person who sent it was someone who used to discuss the show with me almost all the time, though obviously they must no longer be on Tumblr as all their blogs are deactivated. But I still want to answer since it is sort of relevant to recent stuff. Particularly in their 2nd ask.

By the way, I'm always open to questions on the show or even non-pony topics here on my modblog. I still do love talking about G4 ponies and I wouldn't mind some questions if any of you would like to know my opinion on anything. Now that the show has been over for nearly 2 years , I can have a perspective on many topics about Friendship is Magic that I wouldn't mind sharing. Maybe some things have changed here and there, though I think I still generally have a positive attitude towards most things for certain. I stuck with the show until the very end, and was satisfied with how it ended. And I still have interest in doing more in G4's world even as G5 approaches. (Though I'm sure perhaps once that movie has aired that may be the focus of any questions sent here)

((My answer and more after the break))

For the most part, I think I still generally agree with what I said in my initial thoughts about the Season 6 finale. It's a solid episode with some great interactions between Starlight, Trixie, Discord, and Thorax. Though the way the ending is executed is a bit of a headscratcher. Maybe somewhat less so since thinking about it now, like even if Chrysalis did keep some things loyal. What would stop them from eventually seeing what Thorax's changelings did shortly after.

But I suppose I wanted to answer this mostly about Starlight. Since while the Season 6 finale made HomerJ get over some remaining feelings about Starlight. I'll admit it took literally until writing Secrets of the Dragon's Tear (A year after the show was over) to realize the sort of potential that Starlight had. The baggage from the Season 5 finale always felt like a cloud above her for the entire rest of the show's run. And I consider Season 6's largest mistake is not trying harder to endear us to Starlight. That's what that season's entire job was, to try to make us feel a little better of how rather rushed Starlight's redemption was by giving us a more expanded look into Starlight's character. And unfortunately, I feel like it failed at that in my opinion. Thus I basically disagree (Though respect the opinion of) with those who would say the Season 6 finale was when Starlight finally won them over.

Don't get me wrong, I like how Starlight is portrayed in the episode. But it would of been stronger if say the season had explained more about Starlight's past. How did Starlight get her cutie mark, and given her opinion on Cutie Marks how did she feel at the time?

Instead, we mostly just got Starlight reuniting with Sunburst that didn't exactly give any more details to her rather vague reasons for turning to darkness from him moving away other then finding out Sunburst's personality and how his side of the story went. And from there we had Starlight befriend Trixie... in an episode I still don't really like to this day.

Ironically, the character in the Hearth's Warming episode that casts Starlight as the story's version of Scrooge (Snowfall Frost) is given more reason to sympathize with then Starlight herself.

Starlight then just about disappears up until the episode that introduces Thorax. Where she doesn't do much other then be among the crowd that Spike has to convince that Thorax is not evil.

The next time we see her is Every Little Thing She Does. Which is something of a controversial ep from what I hear, though ironically despite my skepticism of Starlight at the time. I actually sort of liked that episode since it was basically Starlight's own Lesson Zero. Though I get why Starlight deciding to hypnotize all the Mane 6 besides Twilight against their will would not be approved of. Though it does feel like at the very least Twilight and the rest give her enough of a piece of their mind at the end.

And that's how things stood before the Season 6 finale happened. Even though I do think Starlight has good moments in said finale, nothing earlier in the season really dispelled many of my feelings about the Season 5 finale's ending. So despite a good showing, I could hardly care for it. I wasn't convinced yet we were given a satisfactory answer about the many questions that Starlight's sudden redemption prompted.

Another part of my thoughts I feel still applies is when I mentioned that Starlight's a "Diet Sunset Shimmer" (Which considering what I did to link the two for SOTDT, is a bit funny in hindsight). It took just one movie (Rainbow Rocks) for the fanbase to turn a 180 on Sunset. While an entire season with Starlight as one of the good guys goes by and she remained just as divisive as before if not more so by the end of Season 6.

Come Season 7, and Starlight appears quite a bit more often though under the assumption that the Season 6 finale was enough to warm you up to her. There were many complaints during the first half of Season 7 that she was appearing more then she should (Even in an Equestria Girls special where she got to meet the character she was so often compared to). Though another thing about Starlight in Season 7 in hindsight is besides from her meeting a few more friends like Maud. Starlight isn't actually given much to actually work towards. They dropped the whole student aspect so it's not like she was doing friendship lessons under Twilight anymore (Though I suppose on the bright side for the detractors, it lessened worries about her becoming an Alicorn). Season 8 and 9 does somewhat fix that by having Starlight employed at the school, first as a counselor and ultimately ending with her as the school's Principal as Twilight herself got promoted to sole ruler. Which I'm still unsure about if fans of her character feel that was a proper ending for her. Though probably the best that could of been done in context of not much having been done with her over time.

Still, at least for me personally it felt there was alot missing about Starlight and as time went on it became obvious I wasn't going to get the satisfactory answers about her that I wanted. So as a result, I only had lukewarm reactions when a new Starlight episode was coming up. It also didn't help that there were two episodes that raised my hopes of at least one interesting aspect that would of been cool to see. The first being the episode "All Bottled Up" which I had hoped would mean it would be an episode that's somewhat genie related. And then there was Road to Friendship where Starlight and Trixie try to travel to Saddle Arabia (which is an important location in I Dream of Twilight Sparkle)... and yet never actually get there. So even on the few times that I was hoping to be excited about a Starlight episode, it dropped the ball. Partly my fault for getting so hyped about something that wasn't promised, but I would of loved to at least SEEN canon Saddle Arabia.

I'd never say that I hated Starlight back during the show's run. But she was a frustrating character for certain back then. I couldn't hate Starlight as much as some others did, but at the same time I couldn't like her as much as others. She was in likability limbo. For every fun and or good moment that included her, it's brought right back by either lingering problems that arised from the Season 5 finale or otherwise dropping the ball in some way.

In some ways, she's still a frustrating character. Though that's just how it'll always be with the canon Starlight. It's up entirely now to fanon to give their approach on Starlight that was never done in Canon. With SOTDT, I obviously did a bit of a "Fine, I'll do it myself" when it comes to making Starlight a more satisfactory character for me. Though I'm sure there are many interpretations that are vastly different from how I approached it that can satisfy others and probably be more popular and better written then mine. (My interpretation might be understandably controversial just for Starlight being put back on a path where she'll likely become an Alicorn eventually. Something Starlight detractors feared the most. Though I think I at least try to explain as best I could that makes sense with the story, her cutie mark moment being similar to Twilight's, and the identity of her mother. And I myself sort of feared Starlight becoming an Alicorn might happen, so for me to actually write it so that it might be inevitable. That's just how much of a 180 I've taken on Starlight because of writing SOTDT)

I think I mentioned this before, but I can pretty much say that in a way that I can actually say I like Starlight now. But sort of in a "FiM's biggest missed opportunity" sort of way that it becomes sort of sad to look at how canon Starlight was done. Rather then me simply shrugging her off back when I didn't care so much about her. I also understand it's a bit cheating to say I like Starlight now after doing my own sort of fanfic that had her in a major role since that might be me tooting my own horn a bit.

Though I will say as much as necessary that I am very aware alot of what happens in SOTDT would have been impossible to do in canon and I don't plan on pushing what I did to expand on Starlight's backstory as gospel. It only applies to what I'm doing on the blog, I will not be making a case that my interpretation is the only correct one. I'd actually welcome seeing some different interpretations on things such as who Starlight's mother is, what they feel her past was like outside of the Sunburst leaving incident, and/or especially how Starlight originally got her cutie mark. (I've even said my personal guess is different then how I did it in SOTDT, as my guess is she got it the first time she discovered the cutie mark removal spell). Cause if nothing else, I've realized Starlight is a very interesting character that I think would be fun to explore all the possibilities with. It certainly could be something for those still on the G4 train to talk with one another about.