#makes me wanna watch skins again but I’m mentally ill atm

[eternallylauren]

Rip Amy Winehouse, you would’ve hated this fucking movie your dad had made.

[lavender-montgomery]

ramble tw: ed,depression, psychosis and anxiety mention

Really hating being at home at the moment, I take any excuse to go out for as long as I can. I just stayed two nights at my best friend’s house, I wish I stayed longer. There’s this chick I’m talking to who means a lot to me but I can’t see her atm bc of the virus. She doesn’t have it (thank god) she’s being careful which is fair enough, but it’s hard not meeting up with her when all I wanna do is be around her and be cute and hear her voice. 

My Mam is really unwell and it’s not looking good, I am very anxious about it. I can’t see her or talk to her much at the moment. 

I’ve decided to finally do stuff I really wanted to do that my ex didn’t allow, such as more piercings (I took most of mine out) and FINALLY getting a mullet. Also planning my next tattoo as it has been so long since I’ve had new ink. Feels good to be getting back to how I used to look, feels like me again, I changed myself so much for my ex and I just wasn’t me at all

It also feels good to not be denying my sexuality anymore, it used to get me super down

I’m in a really weird mood at the moment, I feel empty yet sad and heavy and anxious. About me mam, my ex, I’m worried I’ve fucked up with someone, sad about my sister, anxious about living arrangements 

That’s another thing, living arrangements. I’m really looking forward to living alone and doing what I want with my tiny ass flat, but the building itself and area I live in is dangerous so living here alone is scary. I’ve become very jumpy especially at home, if someone even unlocks the door it scares me a lot and I am constantly on edge. A lot of bad stuff happens here which has given me this extreme anxiety of being here. I know I could move, but I love the flat itself and it’s near places I wanna work. I suppose I’ll see how it goes living by myself and if it’s too bad then I will look at moving. I’m not gonna lie, my building looks like the crack den Cumberbatch’s Sherlock was staying at. It’s a mess. But my flat itself is nice so I don’t mind.

I just wanna be alone, listen to music, do some art and cuddle my cat.

The lass I’m talking to got me a Pooh plush which made me stupidly happy and I’ve not put him down

I’m getting fish soon and more plants, turning my flat into my happy place

You ever get days where your mental illness just hits you full force? Today is one of those days with my depression and my psychosis and anorexia has been bad again. It’s my own fault, I’m not taking my meds and my ex would get angry at me - but I’m not taking them BECAUSE of my psychosis, my main hallucination which I posted about on here when I first started this blog. It’s a tough cycle that I know I gotta break, I just don’t have the strength or willpower to do that right now.

It’s weird when my anorexia gets bad. It’s very sad, it controls me, I feel physically unwell and it brings my other mental illnesses to light. At the same time, it makes me happy, when I go a while without eating and I feel that burning in my chest and throat and I’m shaky, I feel like congratulating myself for doing so well. It makes me happy knowing I can do it again, and honestly? The only bad thing I can see happening about living alone is my anorexia properly returning long term. I’m torn, part of me is so excited for that, but I’ve also done so well these past few months with my eating. It’ll be worth it when I look better. I wish I looked how I did when I was 18, looking at old pictures makes me sad. I was so, so skinny. I looked ill, my skin was white, I was so weak. The worst part is I’d get praised for how ‘fantastic’ I looked and people would ask me for weight loss advice, which of course only fueled it. Why did no one help me? Why was it unnoticed and not cared about? I couldn’t shop in town as barely anywhere sold my size clothes and the few times I would find my size the range would be so limited. I had to get my clothes sent over from Japan or wear stuff oversized which only made me look tinier. At the time I didn’t want help or for people to know, but looking back I’m wondering why the fuck no family or close friends other than my ex said anything or helped. It got to the point I would be wearing clothes for nine year olds, which I was incredibly proud of. Yet another thing I’m torn about, it was one of the worst times of my life dealing with that but at the same time... I looked the best I’ve ever looked. Skinny, pale, short hair, piercings, getting tattoos, I dressed nice. I still dress the same I suppose but it doesn’t look as good because I’m fat. Despite it being an awful time, I’d give anything to go back to it overnight. I’ll get there, it’s gonna be slow and it’s gonna take a lot out of me. I’ll look like me again eventually. Do I wanna do it? Who knows. 

I’ve been having sensory overload a lot more recently, it’s starting to become an issue. It doesn’t help that my ex gets angry at me and yells, doesn’t let me have quiet and makes it worse. I almost cry begging him to just please don’t talk to me and don’t move near me, but for some reason every time it happens he insists on yelling and swearing at me, getting in bed next to me watching videos on his phone, moving about on the bed messing about with the duvet and he brings his cat who gets in my face and has the loudest purr I have ever heard come from a cat. All this when I am having a sensory overload moment is a nightmare, it’s so frustrating and he makes me feel so stupid for it. He tells me I’m stupid and pathetic. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I’m not diagnosed autistic or anything but apparently I show a lot of traits of it. My ex tells me I’m autistic, he uses it to insult me. Even now, I’m trying to distract myself posting this as I haven’t had a long vent about everything for ages, I’ve asked him to just give me a few minutes to myself and he’s going on at me to clear the bed so he can get in it as he ‘wants bedtime’. It’s 5:30PM, he could always clear the bed himself but he makes me do it. 

Ah, my disability. It’s getting bad again - what isn’t? I’ve only used my wheelchair once since the breakup because I’m unable to push myself in it, I need someone to push me, but it isn’t Lukas’ thing to do anymore. He pushed me the other morning when we went to ASDA. I’ve been in a lot of pain recently, my ex has a go at me for going out if I’m gonna come home in pain and not do things like make myself food when he says or clear the bed for him. He tells me I need to prioritise. I tell him I’m not gonna just never go out and have no social life incase my disability plays up, right now it isn’t even that that’s the issue, I’m in pain because of the cold. He didn’t accept that. What does he expect me to do? It’s the end of December, it’s cold, I can’t just stay inside until spring. Recently I asked him to pass me something off his desk he was sat at because my back was bad. He lost it, called me a lazy cunt. Says he’s in pain too he shouldn’t have to ‘do everything for me’. I told him the scissors are a foot away from him, it makes sense for him to just pass them to me, any normal person would do that. Of course he didn’t accept that so continued swearing at me. This happens a lot.

I told him no more sex. Despite breaking up over a month ago we are still living together while he finds a new place and he is often in the mood so we were still having sex. It was consensual, but I told him no more.

Today’s a bad day and there are some bad things going on, but it’s not all bad. The past 2/3 weeks I’ve been doing better than I have for a long time. Making plans for living alone, returning to bar work which I love, planning to visit my family in Essex and my friends in Bristol. Sorting my appearance out again, embracing my sexuality, getting back in touch with friends. And her. I’ve already mentioned her a few times but man, I can’t help it. She makes me smile like I haven’t in a long time, we talk all day/night, she’s adorable. I’m not gonna get my hopes up, I don’t think I’d make her happy like she deserves, and she deserves so, so much, more than I could ever be; but I’m happy with how it is now even if only temporary. She makes me feel less alone, feel wanted, appreciated, cared for, happy. She’s someone from my past I never thought would be in my life again but I am really happy she is. What a blessing  ♡

[popopuko]

It’s been like 8738546 years since I did one of these, so here’s a personal questionnaire under the cut!

Name: Popuko/Cake/Cosmo

Age: 21

3 fears: Jellyfish, being abandoned, not getting my dream job

3 things I love: My friends, my bf & gf, music~

4 turn ons: I’m ace, though things that come close are long roadtrips and scholarly lectures

4 turn offs: being a jerkface, ????

My best friend: I don’t like to choose just one person, but my closest friend throughout middle school to today is my gf Kern!

Sexual orientation: Ace~

My best first date: 

idk, like all of them? I’ve never been on a date where we really called it a date

How tall am I: 5′4″-5′5″

What do I miss: my bf Luke, who’s on the opposite side of the country!

What time was I born: idk

Favorite color: Medium spring green

Favorite quote: "‘Eggs aren’t real,’ she said. ‘Nuh-uh, show me an egg! That’s not an egg! What’s an egg? Who let you in here?’"

Do I have a crush:

Favorite place: Wide, open grassy fields~

Favorite food: Garlic bread, coconut shrimp, a few too many things to all write down!

Do I use sarcasm?: Not usually! I prefer being blunt, but I still use it to joke around a bit.

What am I listening to right now?: “i was feeling down then i found a nice witch and now we're best friends” by In Love With A Ghost

First thing I notice in a new person: How they treat other people

Shoe size: 9.5, me me big feet

Eye color: Deep brown!

Hair color: Brown with amber and gold highlights!

Favorite style of clothing: tbh? 80′s colorful nonsense

Ever done a prank call?: Nope

Meaning behind my URL: I’M POPUKO, YOUR AVERAGE 14 YEAR OLD 7TH GRADER THAT YOU’D FIND ANYWHERE

Favorite movie: Princess Mononoke, Gravity, and The Lego Movie!

Favorite song: idk if I can pinpoint an absolute favorite, so take this ongoing list of most of my favorites lol

Favorite band: are you sure you want me to list them all (Modest Mouse, Passion Pit, and Of Montreal are wayyy up there but I have like 2897427384 I consider to be my favorite)

How I feel right now: Kinda hungry, kinda sleepy

Someone I love: My friends, my bf, my gf~

My current relationship status: If it wasn’t obvious already, I have a bf and a gf lololol

My relationship with my parents: 

I like them, but I ain’t gonna live with them again, y’know?

Favorite holiday: I celebrated Christmas for the first time last year and !! I really loved it!!!

Tattoos and piercings I have: Earlobes pierced when I was a baby!

Tattoos and piercings I want: I kinda want a little Saturn tattoo that looks like this:

Or maybe one of those minimalist constellation tattoos!!

The reason I joined Tumblr: I was trying to get away from my previous social media site of choice (deviantArt), and one of the artists I was following already had a tumblr so I hopped on over in late 2011!

Do I and my ex hate each other?: Nope! We haven’t talked in a while, but we’re still pals~

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts?: Every day~ ♡  

Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?: Mmhm~

When did I hold hands?: Lots of times! (???)

How long does it take me to get up in the morning?: Getting out of bed... if I have a choice in it, like an hour, otherwise when my alarm goes off, right away!

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: 🤔 ...Nope

Where am I now?: In my room, sitting at my desk

If I were drunk and can’t stand, who would be taking care of me?: Probs my gf, though I can’t drink lol

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: Reasonable level! Except for specific songs or at concerts

Do I live with my mom and dad?: Not anymore!

Am I excited for anything?: I’m super excited for IREC this June!! I fuckin love road trips and last year was so fuuuuun

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: “Opposite sex” lololol (I do have people I can tell everything to tho!)

How often do I wear a fake smile?: Usually to be polite I do, but I wear a genuine smile more often than not!

When was the last time I hugged someone?: too long ago

What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: 

I mean we’re both poly, so I’d just like. look away idk

Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: Not really?

What is something I disliked about today?: Uhhhh all this work I gotta do by the end of the day tbh

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Kinda cheesy, but probs either Markiplier or Jacksepticeye lololol

What do I think about most?: Overall? Probs my gf and bf

What’s my strangest talent?: Uhhhh I can wiggle my ears and also smite everyone and anyone at Kirby Air Ride lol

Do I have any strange phobias?: J...Jellyfish........................

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Behind! I love filming and photography

What was the last lie I told?: me @ myself: You can totally have all of these clips cut and uploaded by 2pm!

Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Neither <:3c

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: YEAH BOI

Do I believe in magic?: Maybe!

Do I believe in luck?: Maybe! I’m sorta conflicted on this one, hah

What’s the weather like right now?: Cloudy! Prob gonna rain later

What was the last book I’ve read?: “The Fan Fiction Studies Reader” by Karen Hellekson and Kristina Busse, it’s a class reading lololol

Do I like the smell of gasoline?: Sorta!

Do I have any nicknames?: Cake and Cosmo are sorta nicknames! I’m debating changing my legal name to Cosmo though

What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I mean I got pneumonia from dumb shit I used to do when I was a kid lol

Do I spend money or save it?: Save most of it!

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?: I can touch the bottom of it!!

Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: Some fake roses, a soft pink and white squishy kitty my friend got me, a truffula tree I painted, a box that holds my Pokemon action figures, my galaxy backpack, my stuffed stegosaurus that screeches when you squish it, and my carrying case for my 3DS + games!

Favorite animal?: I like foxes, crows, owls, and bearded vultures!

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Playing Kirby Air Ride lololol

What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: S....tanford...........................

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: L no Shisou from the 3rd Death Note OST always has good feelings, also a lot of Passion Pit’s songs! Esp Constant Conversations

How can you win my heart?: Be nice to people, have a sense of justice, and teach me things I don’t know~

What would I want to be written on my tombstone?: “You’re next.” LOLOLOL (jk, I can’t really think of anything atm)

What is my favorite word?: I’ve always said it was “inversion,” but I like “komorebi,” too!

My top 5 blogs on tumblr:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: 

I can’t take that kind of pressure dude

Do I have any relatives in jail?: Nope

I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Shapeshifting!!!

What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: “What mental illnesses do you have?”

What is my current desktop picture?:

Had sex?: Nope

Bought condoms?: Nope

Gotten pregnant?: Nope

Failed a class?: Nope

Kissed a boy?: Yep!

Kissed a girl?: Yep!

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: Nope

Had a job?: Yep!

Left the house without my wallet?: Probably lol

Bullied someone on the internet?: No??

Had sex in public?: wtf

Played on a sports team?: Does high school PE count lol

Smoked weed?: Nope, kinda scared of what it would do to me

Did drugs?: Not recreational!

Smoked cigarettes?: Nope, and I can’t because of my chronic bullshit

Drank alcohol?: I’ve tried a few things: beer (DISGUSTING), a fruity concoction at a party (p good!), jello shots (yum!), wine (white is better than red), and prob had a sip of champagne at some point

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: Nope

Been overweight?: Nope

Been underweight?: Almost

Been to a wedding?: Yep

Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: Yeah?? I’m an engineer what do you expect lololol

Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: My brother and I used to marathon stuff like Avatar: The Last Airbender!!

Been outside my home country?: Nope

Gotten my heart broken?: Yyyyyymaybe...

Been to a professional sports game?: Nope

Broken a bone?: Nope

Cut myself?: Not on purpose!

Been to prom?: Yep!

Been in airplane?: Hell yeah

Fly by helicopter?: Nope

What concerts have I been to?: One (1) Modest Mouse concert! It was hella

Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: lol

Learned another language?: Took Japanese in high school! Wanna learn Russian.

Wore make up?: Twice: once for senior high school pictures and once for prom, lol

Lost my virginity before I was 18?: Nope

Had oral sex?: Nope

Dyed my hair?: Nope

Voted in a presidential election?: Nope

Rode in an ambulance?: Nope

Had a surgery?: Yep! Had wisdom teeth removed

Met someone famous?: I don’t think so?

Stalked someone on a social network?: Nope

Peed outside?: Nope

Been fishing?: Yep! I let all of my fish go lololol

Helped with charity?: Yep

Been rejected by a crush?: Nope

Broken a mirror?: Nope

What do I want for my birthday?: tbh? Cute outfits

How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I don’t want kids

Was I named after anyone?: Nope

Do I like my handwriting?: It’s apparently only legible to me, but I don’t mind it

What was my favorite toy as a child?: DRAGONS

THESE GUYS WERE THE COOLEST SHIT EVER OKAY I HAD LIKE TEN OF THEM

Favorite TV Show?: For things that aren’t anime, Steven Universe!

Where do I want to live when older?: A house in the suburbs of the Pacific Northwest were we can have a yard and dogs!!

Play any musical instrument?: Took piano lessons as a kid and played the flute in band!

One of my scars, how did I get it?: I used to pick at my skin a lot and it left scars on my arms lololol

Favorite pizza topping?: Olives!

Am I afraid of the dark?: Sometimes

Am I afraid of heights?: Mmmmmmaybe.............

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: I got caught sneaking candy a couple times as a kid lololol

Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: Yep

What I’m really bad at: Socializing in person, I’m so boring irl lmao

What my greatest achievements are: Just getting to where I am today, probably.

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: Can only really think of one thing, it was when one of my brothers called me a “spoiled brat” back when I was like 10 years old. idk why that one stuck with me.

What I’d do if I won in a lottery: omg pay off all my friends debts and move them out into their own apartments. Also like? Get some tickets to be launched into space by Blue Origin and also buy a house. Then a shitton of charities

What do I like about myself: I like my hair and my eyes, and my fast metabolism! Still working on finding things I can immediately point out that I like about my personality, but I like how patient I can be

My closest Tumblr friend: Luke!

Something I fantasize about: Working at SpaceX tbh

Any question you’d like?: I’m down to answer anything anytime!

[i-amusemyself]

All the asks.

Aaaaah tysm!!!!!

Sunrise or sunset?

Sunset. I prefer the colours and also not being awake so early!

Are you mentally ill?

Yeah I have depression but whatevs

Are you physically ill?

Chronically my dude. I have IBS and EDS type 3

What is the most expensive thing you have bought?

A plane ticket for nearly £1000 lmao! It took me working 3 jobs for over a year but it was worth it.

Do you have a job?

Not atm but I’ll get one in a few months. 

Are you in school?

Noooooo!! I finally finished sixth form in June. I’m finally free!! (I’m so happy I won’t have to see half those people again ngl)

Are you a dropout?

Nah

Are you in college?

Assuming this means uni, then no, but I will be in october.

Introvert or extrovert?

I have?? No idea?? I’m shy af and really quiet but I do like meeting new people.

What do you think when you look at your body?

I don’t really think much at all anymore, which is an improvement tbh. I just sort of see it but don’t process it.

What have others said when they look at your body?

I’ve had a lot of not-so-supportive comments about my body from a lot of people. Most people tell me I’m too thin, that I’m unattractive, that I should get surgery for one reason or another. Idk. I don’t expect much more tbh.

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply?

Hoo boi I have a whole playlist of songs that mean something to me.

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive?

It was 2, maybe 3 weeks ago now XD I was roadtripping around America with my best friend @only-slightly-dangerous and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were care free and the world was beautiful and there were so many new things to see and do. I wish I was back there.

Are you confident wearing a bikini?

Not at all, I’ll avoid it at all costs.

Can you look people in the eyes while talking?

See, I don’t have a conscious issue with it. I don’t mind eye contact that much. But I usually subconsciously end up looking away, especially if I’m thinking deeply about something/trying to remember something.

Has anything terrible happened to you?

Depends on your definition of terrible. But yeah, a couple of things have really fucked me up.

Has anything wonderful happened to you?

I met the best person in my life at the worst time in my life. The chances of it happening were ridiculously slim; I still can’t get my head around it.

Favorite part of your personality?

I don’t know. My patience or my sense of humor?

Least favorite part of your personality?

How easily I become jealous of others. Or maybe my need to be in control. I’m working on both of them though.

Favorite part of your body?

....my legs? I’m told theyre p good?

Least favorite part of your body?

Maybe my face? Maybe my chest. Idk, I don’t critique it often.

Favorite quote?

“The sun will rise and we will try again”. There are others I like, but that’s the first that comes to mind.

Do you have friendships with all genders?

I have a crippling fear of men so most my close friends are with girls. Though again, I’m working on it.

Do you have a good relationship with your father?

I didn’t used to so much, but I think it’s improved a lot over the past few years.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

It’s complicated. I don’t really wanna go into it rn

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?

I don’t have any sibs, kinda wish I did though

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member?

Yuuup

Have you ever had a near death experience?

Nope

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life?

Yeah. I used to talk to a girl on here and for months we held a pact of staying alive for each other. But she gave up (I kind of understood though). That was rough.

Have you ever tried to take your own life?

...whatever I answer this with feels like a lie

Biggest lie you have told?

I canny remember lmao

Do you follow any conspiracies?

I haven’t read much into many conspiracies, ngl. But there was something strange about how those twin towers fell down...

Do you believe in a New World Order?

Never heard of it. Gonna google it though.

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?

Not at all. The tories can kiss my butt. They’re barely human.

Is there currently any strife in your country?

Meh, nothing too bad.

Have you ever been displaced within your country?

Nope, thankfully.

Are your friendships healthy?

The ones I have left are lmao! I’ve been doing a lot of cutting off in the past year, but it seems to have worked out pretty well.

Are you currently fighting with a friend?

No

Are you jealous of a friend? Why?

No. Their achievements don’t diminish my own. I want them all to succeed.

Do you believe in the Illuminati?

As much as I’m here for the meme, I don’t actually know much about it.

Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who?

See previous.

How can people tell you are nervous?

Um, I don’t know. I try not to let on. Depending on the situation I might ask a lot of questions about it or just be very talkative in general. Also not being able to sit still.

How can people tell you are sad?

I don’t tend to talk as much or with as much enthusiasm. I also tend to “zone out” a lot if I’m feeling really down. Sometimes I’ll just give up on conversations all together and refuse to make any more effort than the other person is doing.

Do you ever express your true feelings?

I...think so. Yeah. I sometimes dilute them when I express them, but I rarely keep a feeling contained completely. That destroys me.

Regrets in your life?

Not standing up for myself more.

Achievements in your life?

I won a couple of things when I was younger (basketball tournaments, painting competitions) also I do well in school ig?

What did people say about you in school?

I mean, I’m sure I never heard all of it. The general consensus seemed to be everyone hated me for being “stuck up” and for doing okay at tests. Idk. 

What did you say about people in school?

Depended on the person lmao! I wasn’t a big fan of many people in my year, but I didn’t really hate any of them as much as they thought.

Is there something you have never told anyone?

yh

Have you committed an illegal act?

I mean, piracy, that’s it.

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it?

I’d buy a house somewhere nice, a plane ticket and a holiday. Then I’d give a decent amount to everyone I know. The rest I’d give to charity.

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18?

I cant even remember what my aspirations were yesterday?? I’ve pretty much always wanted to do something to do with science, though it’s varied which parts of it.

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined?

It aint happened.

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household?

Low to average I’d say? My mums a single parent but we do okay.

Are you from a broken marriage?

My parents are divorced yah

Have you been raised by a solo parent?

Sort of? Officially speaking yeah.

Do you know both your parents?

Yup

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have?

Brown eyes, blonde hair and white skin.

Have you abused drugs or alcohol?

No. I’ve drunk when I probably should have just talked about my feelings though.

What languages can you speak?

I speak english and a reasonable level of spanish. I’m also learning danish atm.

Do you conform to your societies standards?

Idk, I guess not.

Do you cry often?

Lmao, a lot more often than most people yeah. I’ve a very emotional person.

Do you tell people what you think of them?

Only the good parts.

Are you comfortable accepting compliments?

Not at all, it always feels like a lie.

Are you comfortable giving compliments?

Oh yeah! If I’m thinking something good about someone I’ll let them know!

Is any mental illness hindering your life?

Depression. It’s a bugger.

Is any physical illness hindering your life?

To a normal person it might seem it, but I’ve just kind of adapted to my illnesses so I can live life as normally as possible now.

Do you keep up with current events?

I try to I suppose. I haven’t so much recently though ngl.

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read?

This feels like a test....idk

What have you done today?

Slept, eaten, watched netflix, scrolled through tumblr.

Do you sleep well?

Sometimes

Do you sleep badly?

Sometimes

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting?

Who on earth remembers their past with such clarity?? I mean, it’s possible yeah. But I couldn’t tell you who or when and it’s not something I’m proud of.

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting?

Search me. That isn’t usually the first thing I ask someone when they hurt me.

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why?

Yeah, a couple. Especially friendships if people have been more trouble than they’re worth and they’ve become someone who regularly hurts me.

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves?

I’ve talked a few people down from suicide, but I don’t know how many of them are doing rn unfortunately.

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself?

My best friend.

Do you like your laugh?

I don’t hate it, but I do worry it annoys other people.

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind?

Lmfao no I’m not prepared for anything!! 

Do you have any funny family stories?

Not really, not that I can remember. 

Are you religious?

Nah

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies?

Yeah lmao, ngl I love a good true crime show

Are you interested in cults?

...I guess I wouldn’t be adverse to finding out more about them

Would you like to raise a family in your country?

I mean, it wouldn’t be the worst place in the world to do it, but I plan on moving to another country before I consider doing that.

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got?

I don’t know?? I was just grateful for the things I did have.

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling?

Lmfao yeah 18 years and counting

Are you from a blended family?

Yup

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not?

Yeah I once saw a married person with my own two eyes.

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you?

“You are my favourite person.”

Do you keep a journal?

In a way? I have a blog that acts as a journal and also a scrapbook

Would anyone be hurt by reading it?

Probably. I think about that a lot.

Do you have children?

Nope

Have you been pregnant?

Nopety nope

List your favorite movies?

In no particular order:

-Deadpool  -My Sisters Keeper  -Mamma Mia    -Hot Fuzz   -The Life of Brian  -The Lovely Bones    -Pitch Perfect 2

List your favorite people?

They know who they are.

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body?

Umm, I have a birthmark on my neck which I always think would be cool if it showed how I died in a previous life. 

Do you look after yourself?

Most of the time yeah

Do you put yourself or others first?

I put others first almost all the time. I couldn’t bare not to.

Are you happy today?

I mean,,, I was cut open and zipped back up 2 days ago so I’ve felt better lmao! 

Are you loved?

Contrary to what my anxiety wants me to believe, I think I actually might be by a few people.

[hoetron]

okay christ i got tagged in htis massive tag game by @mothable but i love a good ol challenge lets do this buckfucks

RULES: ANSWER THESE 88, THEN TAG SOME PEOPLE

BASICS:

a. NAME AND PRONOUNS: Rae, she/her

b. AGE (and birthday!): 13, Aug 28th :3c im a fucking fetus ny’all

c. SEXUALITY: am i bi? am i lesbian? am i just craving existential death 24/7? i dont fucking know a thing my guy

d. GENDER: cis female hooooh

e. COUNTRY: AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

f. FAVORITE AESTHETIC: pastel colours and really nice fashion i guess..??? (also smoking is kind of aesthetic eyes emoji eyes emoji)

TRIGGERS/MENTAL ILLNESSES: i’m not actually sure :x

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: salt water hah normal water is for the WEAK (dont drink salt water please im begging y

2. PHONE CALL: my brother asking what kind of pizza i wanted

3. TEXT MESSAGE: “:3c” im such a fufcking furry...fuckck,,,,

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Daydream warriors by Aquors listen nyall im reconnecting with my hidden buried weebass side of me okay im crying

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: i dont actually remember? probably like last year unless you count me having tears from laughing too hard as cryng then thats yesterday during the meme aka now called lightning mcqueen server

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: nahh

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: dont think ive ever kissed someone thats not my family before im #Pure

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: nope lmao

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: my grandfather i guess? but he died when i was really young so at that time i didnt really undersyand the feeling of loss and mourn so ksdjfk but we had some goodass memories together

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you’re fine when you’re not really fine but you just cant get into it because they would never understa

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: im severely underaged please

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. red

13. yellow

14. either black or lavendar,,

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yis

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: ya,,

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: okay im known as the most giggly person in class i laugh so easily that i easily have tears over everything

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: nahh dont think i wanna know if its like in a bad way :x

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: aw y e s

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: ya :,) (Thanks em, lily, mae and imogen for making this year truly greater than last year and for being the best friends i could ever ask for)

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: facebook is dead to me

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: serious facebook is dead to me i roasted above the flames of negligence (also because i have like two facebook accounts one using my pesonal email and the other using my more general email , the one using my more general email keeps recommending to me my OWN personal account and its personally so hilarious)

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: a cat called lucky! (i love him even though im p sure he hates me)

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i guess my irl name uhhh im 50-50 with it? but granted on the internet i waaay prefer using the name Rae over my irl one because its short and simple and nice-

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: just want to a chinese resturant with my fam and my uncle because we’re simple that way and like. back then i didnt had that much friends so uh l m a o (but vidhi gave me a nerf gun so that was Really Cool and i love her)

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 9 oclocK BECAUSE A HOUSING AGENT WAS COMING OVER (but then i fell back to sleep and woke up at 12 so lmao)

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: watching a video on why ‘anime art isnt technically allowed in art school’ because i was just curious and then drawing 

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: VOLTRON LEGENDARY FUCKNG DEFENDERS SEASON 3 SHIT BABES IM REA LLY FUCKING PREPARED AND NEAR END OF MONTH AVCON BECAUSE EYES EMOJI

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: an hour ago lmao shes like just outside my room 

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: sighs my shyness and social anxiety and awkwardness (all three of those are counted in a pack right? the pack of “socially inept” people)

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: daydream warriors... by aquors..... (listen im RECONNECTING with my weeb side like said above im actually weeping)

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: uh idk mate

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: i havent brushed my teeth yet but im lazy to move my legs lmao

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): um quite a lot like a few small ones on my arm and like one on my face below my right eye and theres one underneath my boob i think lmao tmi and the rest i cant be bothered to find

35. MARK(S): a kind of burnt scar mark on my left shoulder from like 6/7 years ago when i got too close to someone smoking and their cigarette burnt me oh and a scar on my knee from the time i fell off my bike while playing bike catching in the neighbourhood with a couple of other friends like 4 years ago?

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: vet (now im eh about that tho im probably just going to pursue some art career)

37. HAIR COLOR: brown eyy

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: long

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: yeah. hopefully its dying down now especially since the person is straight (its hard when she sits next to you in class and you guys are sort of friends now and u somehow feel really satisfied when you make her laugh :,) shit )

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: im generally kind with people regardless of whether or not i dont like them or i dont know them well or i know them i guess? (at least in my group of friends im probably the most willing to socialise with others) and uhhhh i guess i can make people laugh? im a huge fucking loser meme nyall

41. PIERCINGS: none and personally dont really want to 

42. BLOODTYPE: shit  i think it was either a B or an O i cant remember (i think its B tho)

43. NICKNAME(S): maggie, migi, bela, bob, bobbo

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single pringle 

45. ZODIAC: virgo

46. PRONOUNS: she/her (lmao yay for repeated question)

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: fuckngin,,, voltron,,, (probably going to stay my favourite for a long while tho)

48. TATTOOS: none atm (unless you count waterbase tattos then yes stick all the water based tattos on me) but like when im Much Older maybe? just a really small tattoo tho not anything big that covers an entire limb

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: had a surgery on my foot forgot which side when i was in kindergarten because the skin was *censored for tmi* and yah stitching up your skin fucking hurt babes

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: nahhh i dont think id dye my hair tho who knows

52. SPORT: im probably going to retake up basketball again eyes emoji eyes emoji

53. VACATION: ooMMF nothing planned so far

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: like uhhh what kind of sneakers?? just normal canvas sneakers i guess????? im, what.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: OXYGEn

56. DRINKING: IN OXYGEN

57. I’M ABOUT TO: complete this fucking 88  questions then chat on discord and scroll tumblr and tell myself “hey finish up your art!” but then 5 hours later im still scrolling tumblr. oh and im watching wonder woman later so :3c

58. WAITING FOR: nothing atm i guess?

59. WANT: my family’s financial situation to be solved and so that money isnt going to be a huge bother anymore...

60. GET MARRIED: sounds nice but probably only marriage idk the idea of kids doesnt really sound v appealing atm

61. CAREER: artist! (i wanna either work in a game development team or an animation studio eyes emoji ) 

62. HUGS OR KISSES: HUGS

63. LIPS OR EYES: lips erally nice to draw really nice to look at

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: buhhh im short so i guess taller would be nice (tall people have such nice legs too im frankly a little jealous)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: what is this in regards to

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms so that dO YOU SEE THESE GUNS

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: shrug emoji idk man

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: troublemaker pardnyars in crime amirite

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: nope 

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: yeah p sure i had to go through a whole day of school half blind once without my glasses

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: nah..

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: nO IM 1 3 

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: dont think so?

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: nah babes

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: somehow when someone dies i decide to laugh instead of breaking down in tears i guess laugh away the pain?

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: ...shit its a bad idea babes dont do it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: shrug emoji

81. MIRACLES: sometimes? sometimes no?

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: even bigger shrug emoji

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah lmao listen i caught my father and mother wheeling in bicycles for my sister and i when i was like what 8? usually i just played along because hey i was a child

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: ehh depends i guess

85. ANGELS: not really lmao

OTHER

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): Emily, Mae Shuen and Lily

87. EYECOLOR: dark brown?

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: this changes all the time

only tagging uhhh @pluminkdot (KASJD I FORGOT IF YOU HAD A MAIN REBLOG ACC IM SORRY RACH), @jaspereffect , @blabrabs / @spaceboomerang (it isnt letting me tag ur main boomers skldfjksd) and uh im too lazy for the rest