#make it undo itself
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creating physical and digital media scratch WAY different itches its so unfair
#i have the urge to paint but i want actual paint but uh. i dont have any lol#i have a bunch of wax i COULD mold some for carving but i'd also need to makeshift a bunch of carving tools#not the worst thing to get up to but making tools ergonomic is annoying#ahhhh cest la vie#what i actually want is workable waxed yarn but beeswax is too hard to make it sticky i need uh paraffin wax for that.#making a 3d model out of yarn for donut makes drawing him wayyyy easier#ive thought about the viability of using the beeswax to 'set' waxed yarn sculptures but i worry it would melt the paraffin#make it undo itself#won't know until i remember to get some and try#i would still love to work with paint to be clear just. if i had to pick one lol#phlyaros' nonsense
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popping in randomly after almost an entire month just to talk non stop about the tsaritsa again everyone sit down.
specifically just thinking about the implications of tsaritsa's ideals originally being about love + the abandonment of those ideals to complete her goal of, presumably, destroying Celestia or whatever she's cooking up. to the point even her people don't love her and I probably don't even remember a time her ideals were of love. now it's all just ice and snow and cold.
which makes romantic fics w her even funnier because she's purposely removed this part of herself and suddenly reader walks into teyvat like they own the place (they do) and I can only imagine her reaction. angry, probably. because why you? what are you doing to her that's caused her hundreds of years of strict adherence to rejecting "love" both from others and to others to just. collapse. absolute shattering of her world and you probably don't even know it bc if nothing else she's good at hiding it. a lot of denial. tries to pick you apart and see what's makes you so different.
and oh she just hates it. she loathes it.
basically one sided enemies to lover trope because she can't stand you for a while but if you stick around she starts warming up to you and it makes it WORSE. so much worse. tries to distance herself but your just everywhere and it gets on her nerves because why does she love you? she isn't capable of love, not anymore. she thought she was.
g-d forbid one of the harbingers or PIERRO notices she'd never live it down. might even consider the implications of just killing you (she doesnt). worse if you know about it and act like a brat she will lose her damn mind
just the tsaritsa being an absolutely horrible mess internally.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#tsaritsa#i could also talk sbt furi here and how similar they r + how writing one of them influences my writing of the other#but anyway#ive been busy moving i havent had time to write unfortunately#but i do have time for tsaritsa! and furi. mwah#i just think its funny imagining tsaritsa trying to be polite snd cordial but ohh shes SEETHING. she hates you. she loves you.#she wants to kiss you snd kill you and devour you. a horrible mess of a woman who closed herself off snd suddenly she feels exposed#she hates it. wants to hate you but oh g-d you make her soft in the worst of ways. she'd destroy teyvat itself if you asked her to#shes like a cat you gotta work to earn her trust but oh lord when you do. velcroed to your side#she will say she despises you before kissing you so tenderly it makes you dizzy. between vitriol she brushes her knuckles against your cheek#longing and yearning so violently you will tear each other apart just to be closer.#is there anything so undoing as loving another so wholly it consumes you?#she swears she's indifferent but she pampers you and sends you extravagant gifts with no name attached yet it smells like her. you know.#oh to be in a horribly complicated relationship thats almost one sided enemies to lovers w the tsaritsa that consumes you both#like two stars wanting to be closer and yet..in doing so you undo each other when you inevitably collide. caught in an orbit that dooms both#this has been ur monthly tsaritsa ranting ur welcome and goodnight 🫡#when i say im crazy sbt the tsaritsa i am so serious. i AM her number 1 fan source me
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HEY- UHM----
#anormalart#wakfu fanart#wakfu#otomai#dathura#it was fun picking and chosing elements between her different designs to make mine tbh#I made her look a bit “damaged” because that girlie has been through a lot#I'm still stuck on some version?? of the lore?? where she used Ogrest to get the 6 dofus and become as powerful as a god#and realising he's been manipulated and not genuinely loved Ogrest killed her#did I hallucinate that or was it some retconned version of the story#watching the series I was like ??? Otomai's still alive?? DATHURA's still alive???? did Ogrest destroy the world for nothing????#I know the krozmos lore used to be edgier and given that the wakfu animated series is for 9-12 year olds it had to be softened a bit but#it feels like it's undoing itself on quite a few instances#anyway drawing woo
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guess what I finished watching
#genuinely I am bamboozled#I heard it was bad and I knew it was bad but I didnt realize the scene ITSELF was as horrible as that#its just. genuinely how fucking dare you for doing that#I understand the concept okay#the entire season and show has been foreshadowing eve's own death and I Get the concept of twisting that around#in the sense that her death comes from another's undoing and that her death comes from villanelle's protection#but the execution ????? even putting aside that the ending itself is shit and disingenuous for the characters. the EXECUTION OF IT#thats the part that has Genuinely stumped me#even the reveal at the very end with carolyn- at this point that means nothing#there's no leadup to it happening like I thought there would be it just Happens while theyre being happy and it's all over within 30 second#and then the show Ends#what the fuck#knowing it was coming didnt even help it just makes me more angry than sad#in the last two minutes???????????#goddamn#I am so fucking sorry to u all who watched this season as it aired#that is sick#after all the character development????#okay. I promise I'm done now. what the fuck. I went to bed immediately after watching and woke up ANGRY#sorry for the abundance of tags mygod#killing eve#killing eve spoilers#smokey speaks
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timeloop stories always stress me out so much because whenever the character that's stuck starts saying fuck it and stops caring about consequences because they 'know' nothing is permanent I'm always like - you /don't/ know though!!! You don't know why any of this is happening and you can't possibly assume you know what the rules are!! And of course I get that they've usually lived through an insanity-inducing number of loops at that point and in their mind they've given up on it ever ending, and maybe they think they wouldn't care about the consequences if they just got to see a new morning. And I also get that the way the trope usually plays out means you can assume going into it that they won't actually ever have to live with the consequences of the montage loops. But it still stresses me out so much! And honestly I'd kind of love to see a time loop story that plays with that a little more. Like, you've been stuck reliving the same day over and over and over again, and you don't care anymore, you do what you want when you want and you go to sleep knowing none of it will matter. And maybe you run over your sister-in-law's dog and you punch your boss in the face and I don't know you rob a bank and worse, because who the fuck cares, none of it matters and none of it's real. And then suddenly you wake up, and it's tomorrow. And at first of course you're relieved, because you're finally, finally free - but then it starts to sink in. Yesterday happened, and you aren't going to get another chance at it. And whatever you did when you thought nothing mattered suddenly does matter, a lot. And it can't be undone.
#if you do know any stories like this I'd love to know#timeloop stories just seem to mostly be motivated by some lesson the main character needs to learn#and time won't move forward until you get the day 'right'#which means as bad as the experience can be for the mc there's a level of security embedded in the narrative#and I just think it would be kind of fun for there to be no lesson or logic#time just breaks#and it's random#and maybe that randomness lasts long enough that it lulls you into trusting it will continue to last#and you make decisions based on that assumption of impermanence#and then time fixes itself#and there was no lesson and there's no way to undo it#and all you wanted the whole loop was to get your life back#and now it's tomorrow but on your last shot at yesterday you blew your life to pieces#and now you have to live with it#idk i just think that would be fun to see#ivy rambles
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It's not a direct one-to-one since Moe is firmly on the side of The Power of Friendship, but I do think it has the exact energy as The Devil from The Bible (Shadow fandub) when pressed a little too much and a mask slips
#fire emblem#feh#moe voice every day i wake up i have fun and be myself and attempt to select the correct dialogue options and be personable#while also maintaining that i'm fucked up and evil and super scary actually. i'm both god's favorite AND condemned and abhorred#and if i show any signs of weakness the self fulfilling prophecy will fulfill itself. everyone WILL hate me but like isn't that??? good????#seclusion is safety after all. and i'm undoing all the damage done and becoming unacceptable.#AND YET. i wake up every day and i have fun and be myself and i stay silly and i hang out and have a good time.#through gritted teeth i am. SO LAID BACK. and SO SILLY.#and what are YOU doing. giving into despair????? couldn't be me. i am sooooooo much better than that.#idk if i'm gonna help you or make you worse but for one thing i WILL outdo you. i am soooo put together.#anyways. sorry about your boyfriend. that really sucks. when things happen involving loved ones that's out of your control.#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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average adobe experience
#I FUCKING HATE ADOBE ILLUSTRATOR#IF ADOBE WAS A REAL PERSON I WOULD TELL THEM TO KILL THEMSELVES#I HOPE ILLSTRATTOR FLINGS ITSELF OFF OF A BRIDGE#STUPIDEST PIECE OF FUCKIG SHIT I WISH IT WAS DEAD GOD FUCK I HATE IT#WHY IT IT THE SHITTIES FUCKING SOFTWARE#OOOOOOHHHHHHHH WERE ADOBE WERE SOOOOO UNQUE SO OUR PRODUCT IS GOUNG TO FUCKING SUCK#WHY WOULD WE MAKE THE UNDO BUTTON CTRL Y LIKE IT IS FOR EVERY OTHER PROGRA NO FUCK YOU ITS CTRLZSHIFT#OOHHHH DDI YOU WANT TO DO THE MOST BASIC THIN???#FUCK YOU!!!!!#YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THREE DIFFERENT MENUS TO TY AND FIND EHAT YOU WANT AND THEN IT WONT EEVEN WORK BC OF SOME BC REASON#“teehee�� ILLL KILL YOU. OH MY GOD#COME HERE. COME HERE. LET ME FUCKING STRANGLE YOU#PIECE OF SHIT COMPUTER#WE CANT DO ANYTHIN NORMALLY NOOOOOOOOOO#WERE SO SPECIAL WE JUST DO FUCKINGR ANDOM SHIT THAT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE WHY SHOULD WE#MOST UNUSABLE PIECE OF SHIT SOFTARE HOLY FUC#THIS SHIT IS WHY IM DROPPING OUT OF ART SCHOOL. GENUINELY KYS#I HATE THAT ITS INDUSTRY STANDARD AND ITS FUCKING PRICE GOUGIING JESUS CHRIST#GOD. G0D. GOD. I HATE ADOBE#FUCK ADOBE#I HATE THIS FUCKING PROJECT AND THIS FUCKING CLASS AND THIS SOFTWARE GOD IM GOING TO GO INSANE#I LOVE SPENDING 30 FUCKIG MINUTES TRYING TO MAKE A HALF CIRCLE#GOBNA FUCKING PUNCH THE SCHOOLS MONIOR. FUCK YOU#THE ADOBE CEO PRAYS HE NEVER MEETS ME IN THE STREETS CAUSE I AM BEATING HIS ASS#GOD.#lilac post#vent#lmao i am feeling slightly less homicidal now <3
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having shri’iia thoughts as one does bc GUESS who’s save file completely died when the new patch came out nooo we have to replay her again 🤭 alas. just stewing on the thought of how she never got to fuck her Mistress even though she wanted to…!!!! like she was out there getting psychologically tortured and mind broken but she was just like WHY won’t you fuck me im literally doing everything for you. which is so bad for her, woman who already has an excruciatingly low self worth because she missed the mark on the standard for lolth’s children (and that’s worse than not fitting in the standard at all) by something out of her own control btw (not being born in a noble house) but she’s been recognised and blessed by her goddess, and she’s been invited to join a drow house so everything should be good right?? she should be desirable right?? finally everything is correct and well and good and the way it should be right????? but no..!! it’s not..!! and so she’s doing everything for this woman, no dignity left, literally doing anything to get her approval, to be told that she’s finally enough, and she’s finally fitting in - and she gets it sometimes, she gets ignored most times tbh and it’s just this painful excruciating stew of self loathing and insecurity that she’s in, and she’s in there for a century but the thing is she can’t even give up. it’s not in her nature to. and she’s done too much to just give up , and she’s been doing this for a long time that she can’t give up and lolth didn’t raise no quitters so she sticks by it, trying to achieve that hopeless praise. but then one day she gets dropped like nothing, everything she’s done and suffered and worked towards and sacrificed gets thrown out bc her goddess isn’t pleased with her and good luck going home btw you’re not welcome here anymore bc ur pathetic. the rug gets pulled under her feet and she’s left in this strange world that she can barely navigate in let alone speak the language and u expect her to b fine with that…?
#I rlly want to. hmm maybe make a comic or draw something abt shri’iia in the tiefling party#^ bc that is the turmoil currently and she’s PANICKING …!!!!#but she can’t show it. she can’t give herself away. so she gets DRUNK. and she’s in her corner chugging down wine#also like the idea there that she undoes her braid bc her hands aren’t steady enough to put it back to her usual style#and maybe it keeps getting caught lol. so hair down shri’iia 🤭🥳 and her hair is wavy going down near her feet 🥳#hair down drunk shri’iia who looks like she’s having so much fun but if you look at her properly her eyes are rabid#and if u just watch her she’ll just stare at her hands with the most haunted expression#but if someone gets close to her she’ll go back to smiling and laughing and it’s so fun woohoo 🥳#but if someone invites her for a chat she doesn’t want that. just fuck her please the last woman she’s with never did even#though she always got her off. and when she does sleep someone she gets disarmed and bewildered that it’s mutual#and someone else makes her come after how many years#and that in itself is so dreadful that she can’t think about it so she’s like can you drain me again. like what u did before idc just go#for it idcccc and astarion is like. mid dissociating just going through his motions caught off guard bc this is the first time he’s#gonna be drinking someone and fucking them so . unsure what he feels about that chat let’s put a pin on it. does drink her albeit much more#demure than before. he doesn’t wanna go overboard. only doing What he Needs to Do. like hag romance first time rlly is about#the deceit and using each other for their own agenda. so when the act 3 graveyard comes around it’s like a redo of their first time bc#they’re both aware! and present! and there’s no pretense! and I like the idea that shri’iia actually confesses after like when they’re#holding each other. admits that she was actually scared of her own feelings bc it’s new. doesn’t know what to do with it. she’s very aware#of how she loves and her devotion and she doesn’t want to subject him to do bc it’s a Lot#but she wants to learn. and she wants to give her love if he wants it (just want to know if ur capable of love!!!!!)#and it’s this SWEET confession in my head augh aughhh 😭😭😭😭😭😭 maybe I’ll just do a comic of the graveyard scene lol#bc in my head. it’s a bit different. 🤭🤭 and I like it a lot heheheheh…..#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers#oc: shri’iia.
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The smappies.
the wiggler website thing: https://internet-janitor.itch.io/wigglypaint
#paper’s art#Ptsmap#Oc#ok so i couldnt figure out how to save the drawing directly as a gif from the website so i just screen recorded it and then#Serached up video to gif website and did that in stead#Im sure it probably can save using the drawing website itself but uhh im on mobile and it didnt work#I still think this thing is pretty cool and i really liek the sounds it makes but idk i probably wont be using it that much if ever again#You can only undo once.#And theres no layers.#The color just autmatically goes behind the lineart but when you try to erase it erases both#Also you can only use 3 colors and although it does give you a bunch a color palettes if you want to use your own colors you gotta type#In the hex code thing which isnt that bad but im lazy so.#Also i couldnt use the lasso tool or whatever#When i used it it only edited the like the dashboard thing#As far as i know theres no way to lasso the actual drawing?#But anyways
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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i really really love procreate dreams and what its capable of but i gotta say that so far i have some major gripes with the UI </3
#shush slinky#i want to love this app so bad!!!!!! but there are no pen pressure settings#that i can find because there... is no settings button#the flipbook is huge and you cannot scale it#pen resolution scales to match the zoom on the window?? which is. bizzare.#you cannot move around brushes at all. im fine with not being able to make or edit them i guess bc you can easy import from the other app#even tho so many of the default ones have unbearable streamline on and you cant change it#there are no undo and redo buttons even though there is... clearly space for some#theres even no action button like the other app#the timeline view makes the actual image super small on my device model because its older and clearly smaller than was designed for#and you cant scale that either it takes up half the screen whether u like it or not#theres NO LASSO TOOL... the fill tolerance is extreme and you cannot change it to my knowledge...#the verdict so far is that it is a very good editing tool at the expense of frame-by-frame; which procreate itself is better for#and its pretty unintuitive to me which i was suprised by because of how used to procreate i am
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Mean girls
#kirke makes friendship bracelets#Just had to redo the same friendship bracelet 3 times because the knot kept undoing itself and it got ruined and I cried#I was sniffing quietly to myself the 3rd time u had to remake it iwl#I was very sad#but it’s pretty so it was worth it#BRAT bracelets
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TRANS GENDER CAT
#the fey speaks#OOPS i put this in my drafts. uhhh 13 days ago.#anyway was playing a bit of pokemon channel#and got to the credits and saw that maddie blaustein was meowth in that one#which like. yeah makes sense#but id never thought about it#anyway so i then proceeded to spend . well lets just say an unreasonable amount of time over two days (like. 8ish hours ?)#making this in the fucking smeargle paint application. which for anyone who doesn't know is the worst coloring application known to man#for a number of reasons. including the fact that you have like a crayon and you have to control it via joystick#and then like...the lineart isnt solid so i had to fill in the lineart#but there's only three crayon sizes so you have to be very careful to not cover over the rest of the colors...#the crayon itself takes up screenspace and makes it hard to see what you're doing. there's no undo and the eraser works the same way as the#crayon. its somethin#anyway it does suck but i kind of like it. this was fun and relaxing for me mostly.#i also might turn rbs off on this in a bit depending so this counts as a limited edition post :)#also thanks fae i literally forgot to post this until just now when i saw you say coloring minigame hgfjgfj
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so we're all in agreement that if jimmy doesn't die first, we'll make art and fics of the bad boys finding out grian's a watcher and jimmy asking if he can remove his death curse and grian managing to do it
#bonus points if this happens while they're discussing what he is and isn't capable of.#extra bonus points if he says it wouldn't be easy because undoing the work of another watcher is easier said than done.#extra extra bonus points if the reason grian's able to break the curse is because he's one of the ones who initially cursed jimmy.#even more bonus points if upon admitting this he agrees to break the curse to make it up to him.#even MORE bonus points if he lets jimmy know that this might be risky#since he's messing with things tied to his fate and to his life itself and if it backfires he might accidentally kill him. or worse.#jimmy understands the risks and wants to do it anyways.#joel is instructed to not intervene no matter what so he stands there and tries to stay silent and calm#while grian is unblinking and chanting in incomprehensible tongues with way more eyes than anyone's supposed to have#when the curse breaks the canary wings on the sides of jimmy's head fall apart and vanish and he has normal ears now.#some time afterwards he comments that he hadn't even realized the feathers messed with his hearing until they were gone#which i suppose makes sense since he doesn't remember a time before his death curse.#...wait. what if this DID backfire.#causing grian to accidentally permakill jimmy. thereby fulfilling both their curses at once in an attempt at breaking one of them.#ok i can't tell which version of this i like more
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Clip studio has been acting suspiciously shitty recently. more so than usual. Don't do this to me
#honestly idk what the problem is#all the time my program will glitch and make it so i cant move the canvas with the touchscreen? but the scroll bars work ....#it fixes itself if i close & reopen but like. cmon#and now the toolbar buttons have stopped working? like the deselect. and the undo and redo buttons 😐#phx news
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fail moment when i spent a huge time away from my wip just to realize after endless deliberation that eight and theron still aren't exactly friends it's just a weird coworker/roomie relationship with benefits and now i have to replace every time he mentions it with like, my associate or something
I think they'll become friends eventually. But a lot of elbow grease is needed and they keep messing up
#swtor#ooc#their relationship *is* complicated and funny as hell but. it's really sad like most of what the rishi trio turns into in KOTFE/ET#yabai. why do i have to redo this entire thing#it's only really REALLY late that theron realizes he does care and want to care about eight's wellbeing but it's so awkward at this point#that's the point though he has to try from the ground up after having to redo what he made up about eight in his head over and over#'I don't care anymore that you and others cast me aside but I'm not willing to let that slide for you. It's too sad to watch cut that out'#<- eight about theron during the traitor arc#makes him feel worse but his bluntness does inspire theron to get his head out of muck more than once#eight. just doesn't enjoy it when others don't thrive. might be bc of how much that affects him as well#he's kind of like the one person willing to be real with you when all your friends give you pitying looks#(or a dog you take with you on a roadtrip)#their relationship during SoR was funny as hell too#eight saw theron and was llike this guy is so...stressed. should i put a load on him will that make him feel better#makes out. hey do you have games on your phone#theron was so disappointed that eight only wanted to see if the permanent knot in his brow would undo itself if he relieved him enough#but that's just one part of his eccentricities so he took it in stride
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