#make assumptions about me based on my fanfic ask game
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fanfic assumption game:
you are whimsical and fun! but also you prize the things that bring us joy, no matter how asinine or mundane they might seem :)
OH MY GOD THIS IS SO SWEET I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!!!! AND THIS IS SO TRUE!!!! I LOVE THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE I LOVE THEM!!!
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Heey! Hope you're doing well 🌺 so for the ask game you posted I would like for Armand #1, 2, 7 and 8. I hope you have a great day ☺️🍀
1. Why do you like or dislike this character?
He's pretty and I find fictional suffering cathartic.
2. Favorite canon thing about this character?
Literally how am I supposed to choose ONE SINGLE thing? Just going to pick something at random: I love a character who clearly has much more going on internally than they are sharing with those around them, and perhaps more than they are even aware of in the moment. It's about the layers.
7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?
There's so much incredible fanart and fanfic about Armand I could honestly cry. And I enjoy people's enthusiasm, in turn, when I made Armand-related stuff and get to read comments or tags on gifsets and see everyone being just as insane about him as I am. Validating.
8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?
People act like he's way more competent than he is in order to demonize him more than he deserves (and he deserves plenty). He doesn't have plans, guys. He's not a puppetmaster. He is a scrambling opportunist - which isn't morally BETTER it's just the inaccuracy irritates me. Also people act like he's a masterful emotional manipulator and I honestly think he... isn't? He can remove people's memories but in terms interpersonal manipulation. It requires understanding another person and influencing their actions through deliberate application of that knowledge. I don't think Armand understands other people and I definitely do not think he understands emotions. Also you know, people are racist and superimpose traits on him based on their assumptions in order to make bad jokes. I'm pretty careful in how I curate my fandom interactions so honestly I don't see a lot of fandom stuff about Armand that annoys me. I only know cool people with good takes, so.
#thanks for the ask!#i think i'm done w this one now#/#//#///#////#/////#interview with the vampire#ask meme#AND YES I AM DOING WELL THANK YOU 🌸
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new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic. go.
Re: Thats kind of a low hanging fruit, but you were one of those kinds who would consume words like you needed it more than air, maybe you didnt even care that much about what you were reading, you picked a series with a lot of entries in it that would keep you sustained for a while and ravaged through them. And you when you weren't reading, or back when you couldn't do it well, you would pace around in circles and make up stories and characters, had at least a few extended fictional universes with plotlines and characters that you would come back to when bored. I am very bad at assumptions, but those are the vibes when I was reading your danny phantom stuff and function heartbeat, although that ons is a joint project so there!
LMAOOOOOO considering I was a warrior cats kid??? This is accurate..... Read to filth thank you so much. I also had so many imagined worlds so yeah...
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new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic. go.
My assumption is that you're a person who deals with misunderstandings in a very emotional way, which might knock you off kilter (or cause arguments), but ultimately, those misunderstandings carve a path to greater understanding between you and those you care about the most because you will go toe to toe with them until you're all in a better place together.
oop, someone's been paying attention. 🫣externally, i am pretty much never in conflicts, but internally, i am always at war; you definitely got that right. being misunderstood and feeling that i don't belong are my biggest demons. but i will always fight for my loved ones if it comes to it and it's always something that makes us stronger in the end. 🥺
#basically you described me from years ago before i learnt how to navigate it all but deep down i am often going through it#i will say that the most important path to understanding was the one that led to me confronting myself#but it's not a bad thing#feeling seen and perceived#being vulnerable is scary#ask game#answered
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you like handmade jewellery or even make your own
Welp, spot on!
I've already confessed to owning way too many earrings. My favourite pieces are indeed the handcrafted ones.
As for making my own, alas not yet. I have a little savings pot for a course in jewelery making/gold smithing. (I have to wait, though, a) still need to save a bit, and b) I'm neck deep in work/study combo)
new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic. go.
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fanfic assumption ask game: you tear up at things that other people might be like “bro why”, like mundane things that are just beautiful in their simplicity
YEAH!!!!!!! YEAH I DO. ALL THE TIME!
actually let me show u just how much this is the case. it is embarrassing but it makes me laugh.
my partner has been keeping tabs on how many times i’ve cried at things over the last couple of months, and i knew he had a list but i never actually see him taking note of the tears so i didn’t know it had gotten this long until recently.
i can’t even try to justify the home alone one. idek what that shit was about. also the dragula one is inaccurate because i know i cried more than once simply because i was so enraptured by what i was looking at.
anyway my point is: you’re 100% correct and i also love you
assume something about me based on my fanfiction
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new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic. go.
You keep picking the hardest battles (and you are an incredible writer) because even tho I've only seen you in two (2) fandoms, you pick at least one crack ship, and yet you make them so perfect, like your Athena X Grace (do they even have a ship name??) fics, I literally played the game because of you and I thank you deeply. But now I re read the only nine (I think?) fics they have lol
Oh man, more incentive for me to get back to my Athena/Grace (idk if they have a ship name lol) WIP then I guess~ and oh my god, thank you so much, I'm so glad my writing could get you to play the game (as well as maybe check out critical role, if I'm remembering usernames correctly?). But WOW I'm so sorry your introductions to the source media are the crackiest of crackships; they choose me, i have no choice in the matter 😅 I definitely like to think I make them work but as you already know you will see few signs of them in canon (or, well, any, in that case) or even out in the wilds of fandom. I am happy to change that one person at a time tho!
#thank you again!#feel free to send me extremely specific assumptions about me based on my fics folks~
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new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic:
Based on your writing you're the sweetest person in the world and you'd make the best godmother for my future kids xD
@professorlehnsherr-almashy
If that's so, now I will need to be ‘Shadchan’ to find the ideal partner to raise my godchildren with you!
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My assumption about you based on your fics is that you like consuming really angsty media. Whether that's reading really sad books or watching really sad movies. Like, I assume you just like the sad stuff that tugs the heartstrings and makes you cry.
lol that’s a very fair assumption to make bu no actually, i don’t. i don’t seek out sad/angsty media, and i don’t really enjoy them. i prefer lighthearted stuff when it comes to what i watch, with the odd psychological thriller every now and then. it’s the same when it comes to what i like to read i think
it’s kinda ironic, because angst is my favorite thing to write lol
new ask game: give me an extremely specific assumption you have about me based off of my fanfic
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Sorry, so. My ask was based on the assumption that like. This is fantasy/we’re having fun here so realism whomst and you can do whatever you want including not die right off the bat. BUT I can understand how it’s not for everyone. I shall try to think of a better question :))
Sorry, that’s more my bad. I was trying to be funny, but I don’t think it translated well. Let me try again. (post for context)
Okay, assuming I don’t die in the first five minutes I kinda want to go with just my base knowledge of the game, which is only the stuff I’ve watched in romance compilations. So I’ve got vague idea of the plot, but a solid grasp of each of the characters which is just objectively funnier to me.
Like yes, I am from another universe and could have been an omnipotent god who knows exactly what’s going to happen next so we can all survive, but instead I’m a fanfic writer who is more interested in all y’all’s personal drama.
I don’t think I’d lie about it either. They may think I’m crazy, but once I recruit Gale he’d be open to the idea of different planes of existence.
Shadowheart and Astarion would absolutely hate me on sight. They’re trying to be all mysterious and I just blow their cover after 5 seconds of meeting them. Wyll would think I’m crazy, but he’d be nice about it. Karlach I think would at least ask about our world. Gale, if he believes me, would try to make me explain computers. Lae’zel and I would weirdly be in the same fish out of water boat, but I feel like she’s have a lower tolerance for me. I do not have what one would call a “warrior’s spirit”.
Also because I know they’re all horny, I feel like I’d have to be up front about being ace from the word go. Not sure how that would go over with a bunch of disaster pan/bis but solidarity.
And if we’re going by the logic then since I’m in the world my body conforms to the rules of that world, I think I’d end up being a bard. Not a good one per say. Like I said, I don’t think I’m an “optimal build”. However, the one thing I’ve got going for me is decent voice and a mental catalog of 70s rock. Add in years of bartending experience and you’ve got yourself a passable bard.
Stress crying and stomach turning at the sight of blood aside, it might be okay. 👍
(And now I kinda want to write a crack one-shot)
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Hi!! (๑╹◡╹๑) I’m called Cream. I thought I would make this as a reference for anybody happening upon my (mostly South Park based) page! I’m a fan of a few things but here is my general setup right now:
primary: South Park (mostly seasons 1-19ish)
secondary: IT (all versions + personal adaptions), Skullgirls, Higurashi When They Cry, Bob’s Burgers
honorable mentions: Animal Crossing, Kirby, Arrested Development
I write fanfic on AO3 only.
#creamdreamtakes reflects my opinions/headcanons within a post. #creamdreamasks refer to questions you guys ask me. #creamdreamart displays art I’ve posted. #creamdreamreplies are replies I’ve made via a reblog.
Currently I’m up to:
- working on Kyman Halloweek 2023 and 11 fanfics!! 🫣
- trying to nail down my art style
- rewatching South Park (third times the charm— I’m on S13E02)
- playing Nintendo Switch; Animal Crossing (🌟🌟🌟🌟), Kirby Star Allies, Skullgirls… among other storyless games
- playing PS3/4; Little Big Planet, Lollipop Chainsaw
- writing some of my own personal works
- learning Japanese (Hiragana rn!!!), Spanish (intermediate), French (VERY beginner)
- working full time (x v x) ♫
DNI/I don’t support:
- Content with underage sex or rape/non-con. It’s not my place to judge or make assumptions about those who partake in that fictional content, and so ofc I do not. But I don’t involve myself with it personally; please don’t share that content with me.
- Minors; the content of this page may be NSFW.
- Transphobes, homophobes, antisemites, islamophobes, fatphobes, misogynists; bigots of any kind really. We’re not here for it.
- Fandom is an escapist hobby for me. Please let’s not fight over things! I’m always happy to have rational discussion.
I am here to have fun and I hope you are too!! I love to chat about many aspects of fanon/canon and I love exploring new ships/characters. Feel free to ask me stuff anytime!
Updated 10/2023
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for the fanfic ask game: you are not a stranger to loneliness
Probably the truest assumption you could make about me based on my fics (especially SL).
While I had a normal, happy childhood, when I left my hometown to go to university in a larger city I ended up developing the onset of schizophrenia (though I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time) and ended up withdrawing to my small studio apartment to finish up my last semester there.
During that time in my life I was utterly on my own (aside from calls to my mom in the evenings and when I would go home on some weekends to get a break) and my only company was watching BBC Merlin and so I grew (naturally) very attached to Morgana. It was then in that small apartment that I wrote the original prologue to SL, channeling my own loneliness and despair and grief and mental anguish into Morgana as my muse. In many ways writing SL has been a way of telling my story in a different circumstance and it has helped me out of so many bad times.
While I started to heal when I finally got my diagnosis a couple years later, it was the Covid-19 pandemic to hit me (and still hit me) pretty hard. I live with my parents, but I started withdrawing from them as well as my illness has turned for the worse recently yet again. At the age of 29 after the initial onset when I was 20, I pretty much live as a recluse. But I'm working to go back out into the world again and trying to always hang on to hope.
Thank you for this ask. I feel seen by it. 🕯
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Okay, I could have phrased that better; I had two distinct thoughts here and didn't differentiate them properly. So to clarify:
I do think that, like it or not, Vax's role as champion has become an integral part of who he is as a person, and for all that the Raven Queen's hatedom likes to throw the word 'possessive' around, it strikes me as far, far more possessive and controlling to want to forcibly rip that part of Vax away -- denying his agency, overriding his choices, and completely ignoring his actual expressed feelings and opinions about his service to the Matron in the process -- because you think he should only be allowed to have the specific happy ending that you want for him.
The "you" here is meant to be "you (general)", referring to the fans who want Vax brought back as a mortal, and intending to be yes-anding your (specific "you") point about those fans not thinking about the big picture. My apologies for not making that clear.
To address the point about trauma:
I've seen way, way too many people who view the basic concept of Vax becoming a CR21 angel of death as a horrible, torturous form of enslavement, missing the point of the Ascend To A Higher Plane Of Existence/Angelic Transformation trope by a country mile.
People are making a lot of assumptions based on the word "punished" being used, but nothing was actually said about a. how light or severe those punishments are or b. how often they've happened, which are both important questions when gauging how much trauma he's likely to have. I will additionally point out that even if Vax directly, physically intervening outside of his role as champion is against the rules (presumably because it undermines the Raven Queen's whole memento mori shtick), she CANNOT be all Shocked Pikachu about him doing it anyway (let's be real, Vax pulling something like this was as inevitable as Jester using Divine Intervention to make Artagan get her coffee and hang out), which would factor into her decisions about how to handle it, and I think it says something that she didn't confiscate Vax's car keys to prevent him from intervening at the Malleus Key despite the consequences. (I honestly wonder if any of the other gods partially blame her for the ongoing clusterfuck on the grounds that she should have exercised better control over her subordinate's behavior.)
Vax screaming within his spherical prison isn't trauma "from the Raven Queen", it's trauma from the people who want to kill the Raven Queen. I really, truly do not understand how anyone who claims to love Vax can look at that whole situation and think anything other than "Well, Ruby Vanguard apologists, I wish Vax didn't have to be trapped in horrific unceasing agony for their brighter tomorrow"; like, I've read fanfics that portray Vex and/or Keyleth as resenting the idea of the Raven Queen 'taking Vax away again' once he's de-orbed, but the phrasing Keyleth uses when Launda asks for her thoughts in canon is "We have to set him free", because the important thing here isn't a game of tug-of-war, it's that Vax not be trapped and in pain, and I'm expecting him to return to Letherna posthaste not because the Matron needs him but because he needs to go home and take a nap.
Vaxleth isn’t going to have a “happy ending”
Vax is going to still be 28 after 30 years
Keyleth is old as fuck and she’s still going to out live him
Vax is going to have severe trauma from the raven queen
etc etc etc
do y’all even think of the bigger picture or just want NPCS and one old ass NPC to be together when the VA aren’t even going to play them anyway😭 all played by matthew mercer btw
didn’t the cast say Keyleth needs to move on? maybe yall should be supporting her healing journey and not giving her more trauma when she out lives Vax anyway
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Throughout Twitter, Tumblr, and AO3, there has been a cavalcade of Thrawn-centric fanfic - an overwhelming majority of it centered on Thranto, Thrallus, and other M/M characterizations. In other words: Thrawn is usually depicted as queer/homosexual. My question is: did you worry at all when you went in a different direction- depicting Thrawn as a hetero male - that there would be any backlash from the fan base? As you know, I enjoy all perspectives & I have found your characterizations spot on, so diversity is welcome in my whacked out universe.👍🏽
If this is too controversial a query, feel free to jettison it with no insult taken on my part 😊
Thank you so much for this ask @beebee-76! I love asks and this is a particularly wonderful one because it gives me an opportunity to talk about what is so fabulous about fanfic and what is not so fabulous at times about fandom. Got a little long so follow me below the cut!
The short answer to your question is no, I did not worry at all when I depicted Thrawn as a hetero male in my fic. There are a few reasons why it didn’t concern me. First of all, I didn’t (and don’t) write for a “fan base” and I would suggest that anyone who does is missing the self-indulgent point and doing themselves a disservice. Please thyself, fic writer, first and foremost! Having other people enjoy my writing is awesome, but each story is written for an audience of one (or two if it’s a gift fic 😊).
Secondly, the fantastic and satisfying thing about fanfic is we can make characters be whatever we want, however we want. Everything is fair game. No one has to agree with my writing choices, interpretations or characterizations, and anyone who disagrees and tries to say I don’t have a right to make them clearly is wrong misinformed and missing the beauty of fanfic. What may that be? The ability to make characters do things we want them to do, or be things we want them to be, whether or not canon supports it.
So-called “fans” who attempt to police fandom (and suggest one person’s headcanon is more valid than another’s) have already proven their own opinions should be ignored. If one person’s interpretation of Thrawn is threatened by someone who prefers the character to behave differently, or have a different sexual orientation, it suggests a whole slew of issues that likely go beyond fandom and speaks to insecurities elsewhere. Nothing annoys me more in fandom than people who shipbash, attempt to invalidate other people’s likes, or make assumptions about the author based upon what they write. (True story: I was accused a long time ago of being a misogynistic virgin male because I wrote a gangbang. Whoops. Everything about that assumption was incorrect!)
In the marvelous world of fanfic, EVERYTHING is valid. There are NO RULES. You can make Thrawn be an intellectually-impaired, strategy-challenged drone working a doonium mine who bullies children, hates art and the Chiss, and only fucks meiloorun pies, and while I most likely am not going to agree with that choice (or read that fic), I will absolutely defend your right to create it and call your protagonist “Thrawn” if you feel like it. If it makes the author happy, mission accomplished. I of course like reading fics that align with my personal interpretation of characters, but that doesn’t mean no one else should be able to write them differently (or unrecognizably, as the case may be, who cares). Readers have every right to be offended/mortified/aghast but they have zero right to complain, to put it another way.
You mentioned Thranto... I myself have participated in writing Thranto, actually. I was invited to join in the 400 Works Celebration fic collection by the fantastic @jessko-fic. I don’t write slash for the same reasons I’m sure many fans don’t write F/M—we like what we like and should never have to apologize. In any case, I did write a bit o’ Thranto for that collection, and sometimes have fun suggesting Thranto is a possibility in my other fics (Kinetic Countermeasures comes to mind). I mean, I get why people ship it. But even if I didn’t, it doesn’t matter, ship and let ship.
Likewise while my Luke Skywalker is firmly in the het camp, I have written Skyrissian drabbles and implied slash for him as well, because fanfic is for fun and I’ll write whatever the hell I feel like at the time. If someone says “oh wait no you can’t do that” it makes me want to write it even more cause sometimes I’m a bit of a Rebel 😉 Personally I try to make things believable, and work very hard to keep to “my” characterizations of characters true to what I hope feels consistent, but ultimately that’s for me first, and everyone else later. I have a lot of problems with canon in recent years (for both Luke and Thrawn) and so my joy is ignoring that and sticking with the evilmouse versions of these guys.
This is a good spot to mention there DOES seem to be a double standard in fandom, where queer-coding characters is the norm but heterosexual characterizations seem to be taboo, which I think gets to the heart of your question. I could write an essay examining the cultural theory and social history behind this, but I’m supposed to clean the house today, so let’s just say fandom as a whole would benefit from being more tolerant of all interpretations of a particular character. Mark Hamill famously said of Luke Skywalker “if you think he’s gay, of course he’s gay” but lots of people forget he immediately followed it with “if you think he’s straight, that’s ok! Anything you want is real.” But for some reason in fandom that is a very controversial take, and it shouldn’t be. Both things can be true; it’s not a zero sum game. Mark gets it. Luke, Thrawn, everyone can be gay, straight, asexual, trans, “anything you want.” Everyone’s kinks, AUs, and writing should be accepted equally. The awesome thing is we’re not given assigned reading and no one has to like or agree with anyone else’s stuff. And if what we want doesn’t exist, we get to write it! How amazing is that?!
I feel pretty militant about this topic and am glad you gave me the opportunity to share my thoughts on it! Fanfic is for fun! My Thrawn is (usually) het and that’s how I like him for my own nefarious purposes ….mmmhmmm…. Glad you like him too! And thank you again for this ask and for reading my fanfic! I love hearing from you. Have a gif I made just for you in gratitude!
#fanfic#fanfic is for fun#myfic#grand admiral thrawn#that evil blue stud#thrawn x all the ladies#luke x all the ladies#thrawn#smart and sexy#fandom life#fandom#fandom friends#I love you all#asks#i like asks#my thoughts
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ok but I read games and I am ADDICTED and I just thought I could maybe request something like-
Eren meeting the reader through a simple comment and a timeskip to them being v close until they eventually end up in a fight because reader was ranting to eren about how perfect their crush (who is actually eren) is and him just exploding and them getting into a fight until the reader eventually goes "that person is you, dumbass!" Or smth like that and from there it all just turns into a lot of kisses and smut👀
only if you're comfy/in the mood of writing smth like this tho! just had this random thought last night and thought I'd request a little erenxfembodiedreader
Anyway have a nice day, night, afternoon, morning, you're amazing :D
Oh my gosh, this is my first request ever and I am so incredibly excited to write this and I really hope I did good in writing something you would want. Thank you so much for submitting this request, please feel free to send more! I love writing fanfics of any aot character and will do my absolute best to embody them in these. Sorry for the long wait, when I say the last chapter had me all the way FUCK3D up. EreMika is canon and I haven't been able to stop saying "He loved her, oh my god he loved her" in that "and they were roommates" vine way because that's my coping mechanism and it's cheaper than therapy. Anyway, I give you-
"Assumptions."
Pairing: Eren Yeager x Fem!reader
TW: nsfw, smut, angst, jealously, swearing, yelling, a bit of fluff, unprotected intercourse, breeding kink, a bit of voyeurism, a bit of sexism, eren being denser than a rock, Levi having health issues because he's old
Other: aot world if the mess of season four never happened and eren didn't fall to sad bitch hours, reader is a regular girl with family issues, all characters are over 18, Erwin never died and Floch never went insane
It wasn't that Eren hated going into town, but he wasn't exactly used to going to town alone. He always had Mikasa and Armin flanking either side of him but since the discovery of the world outside the walls and the decreased threat of titans, scouts were needed more than ever in the recovery of the lost districts. Mikasa was the second strongest soldier alive and Armin was expected to take after Erwin. Eren was useful when it came to being the one who possessed the attack and founder titan, but lately there was no big threats that required his titan abilities.
That didn't stop Hange from poking him, nor did it stop Captain Levi from keeping him busy with even the most minimalist of tasks. Today was no different and when the options were given to him and Jean, who was still asleep in his bunker, on shoveling horse shit or going into town to stock up on supplies and check to ensure all market suppliers weren't being capitalist pigs to the local vendors, Eren all but hauled ass through the door, hand swiping the grocery list off the table and yelling, "Good luck Jean-boy!"
Everything seemed to be going just fine, none of the local vendors had any troubles and most seemed happier with the drastic improvements of the living situations for Eldians. The fear of being eaten any day now or losing a loved one to war had seemed to be the driving force that had led to problems before. Some people recognized Eren, but no one seemed to want to approach him. He had had encounters with people who thought of him as a god, but he usually ignored them or kept a level-headed composure. Despite knowing that he had a power no one else had, outside of being a titan-shifter, Eren didn't really know what he had to offer. Armin was smart, Mikasa was strong, and he couldn't exactly claim titan-shifter seeing that Armin was also the colossal and Ymir had been the jaw.
He let out a sigh, kicking a rock in his path and silently yearning for something beyond his knowledge. Despite knowing that he was never really alone, he felt lonely a lot of the time. He had never given much thought to settling down, with the clock running out on him he often thought what was even the point? He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being a soldier or if he wanted to go back home one day, he didn't really try to dwell on the future, content with being in the present and having Mikasa always on the verge of tears when she was reminded that he would one day die, didn't really give him room to think of much else.
You weren't oblivious to the tales and rumors that went around the town about the scouts and their secret weapon in the form of a shapeshifting man and how him and his comrades were able to plug the hole in the wall of a district your family had come from long ago. Your father had long since escaped the walls of Maria before it fell, he made an honest living being a construction man, and your mother was a nurse who happened to catch his eye when he had a roofing accident. They built a life for themselves within Wall Rose. You weren't the richest family, nor did you have a name that was well known. Nonetheless, you were all hard working. Your brothers worked for the respect they got, one being a weapon maker and the other being a bar keeper was enough for the part of town you were in. Even their wives did well for themselves in being a seamstress and bar waitress. As the youngest, you were loved and cared for. You weren't the most beautiful girl in town, but you turned heads nonetheless, well until one of your brothers decided to glare or promptly hit whoever doted on you too long for their liking.
The people who knew you, thought you were trouble. Mostly the elders spewed of you and your ways of thinking being a disgrace to everything Eldians stood for and bringing only shame to your gender, you were a woman ahead of her time and they couldn't stand it. Like your mother you had entered the medical field, but even when you were small you claimed you would be a doctor one day. You shadowed and worked under the supervision of the town's doctors. Many amused at your antics, some who didn't care about you being a girl and just grateful to leave such responsibility on someone who was genuine in the intent, and others not caring one way or another and not willing to hear your screeching pleads to observe what they did. Your mom had spoken with you more than once about settling with being a doctor's aide, today being no different and you let out a sigh as you looked to your mother's pained expression.
"I just don't understand why you insist on making your life so difficult? It was bad enough when you proudly exclaimed your goals in front of the entire church, but now this?"
You could only look away, looking towards the fields where you saw your third brother grooming the horses. You hadn't said anything bad, you were approached with a job offer that would give you the title and respect you had been desperately craving, and it would bring greater honor to your family...or so you thought before your mother reacted the opposite in which you hoped.
"I will not have any daughter of mine chasing dreams and fantasies off in some other place where no one can protect you. This is a suicide mission and I for one will not stand by and watch you march forward to your downfall."
Your father stood behind your mother, not really saying anything and not even looking at you. You felt especially bad for the commander and captain who stood on either side of you and were bearing witness to the absurd exchange between your family.
"Mrs. Y/L/N, you have to know that if Y/N were to accept this offer, she would never be in the front lines. We have bases located all throughout the walls and she would do what she did best and be our primary doctor." Commander Erwin spoke with such calm words, his demeanor kind and patient.
"So you expect me to let her run off with a bunch of men whose brains are broken from the wars they fought and not worry? She is not even married!"
You grit your teeth so hard upon hearing that, you were sick of the standards put forth on you since your birth. You were sick of the expectations you were in no hurry to reach and you were especially tired of the lack of faith your family had in you to be independent and strong. Your fists clenched and you felt a steady gaze on you.
"I'm not an expert or anything on parenting, nor will I act as if I am, but instead of yelling at her, why don't you try asking your daughter what she wants to do?" You didn't silence the gasp you released, looking at Captain Levi in confusion and admiration.
All eyes turned to you, your mother crossing her arms as if asking you to try and defy her. Erwin looked a bit expectedly and Levi looking indifferent to the entire conversation. It was your father who beat you to it before you could even open your mouth to answer.
"You have a choice, my daughter. If you choose to stay, you'll make your mother and brothers happy. You can continue to help people but you will never be acknowledged as a doctor...but you'll have your family. Or you can choose to leave and live your life to your own accord, but you will lose the respect of the town and your mother will never speak to you again. Are you willing to put yourself above your family?" You expected this from your father, always neutral and never judgmental, what he was saying was true after all. Were you willing to lose your family over your dreams? Would you be able to survive on your own with only the scouts to rely on?
Your head was hurting and your frustration only grew when your brothers decided to come home and after your mother wailing at them about your plans to leave, they were quick to overwhelm you with their own opinions. The commander and captain apologized but they had to leave and return to headquarters.
"Take your time on making your decision. We will come back in a few days for your answer." Commander Erwin told you, giving you a smile as he continued, "I know its a lot to ask you to choose us over your flesh and blood, but if you do. You have my promise that we will protect you, and we may never be able to fully replace your family in your heart, but the scouts will be a family on its own for you."
"Tch," Captain Levi shook his head, "Look brat, you will see and do things that you won't always like. People will die no matter how hard you try to save them, but call Erwin and Hange delusional--they see something in you. Don't walk into this half-assed, if you choose to be our doctor and you choose to take on the title and everything it carries with it, you have to dedicate your heart."
You only nodded. Two days had passed as you walked through the market, the small basket in your hands carried apples and some citrus fruits. Your mother still wasn't talking to you and your brothers seemingly assumed you wouldn't be leaving, only your father knew how frantic your mind was, and one morning he admitted that he would be delighted to have at least one of his children carry the family name on a military standing. So you had his support.
You even spoke to the animal doctor you had been shadowing for the past few weeks, his eyebrows had rose in an impressed matter and he promptly asked when you would be leaving.
"I haven't made a decision, yet." You said.
"You would be an idiot not to take it." Was all he replied before asking you to give the cattle their medicine.
Idiot, huh? You wondered. You knew deep down he was right. Your mind continued to play in endless loops of thought before you heard a commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw a group of men, their huddling seemed a bit more frantic and it was not until one of them yelled that you noticed one man in particular on his knees.
"Help! Someone call a doctor!"
The man on the floor was bleeding rather profusely and you didn't have time to question what happened before you quickly made way.
"Sir, let me see."
"Hey! Woman don't touch him!"
"Make yourself useful and go get a doctor! What the hell do you think you're doing!"
"I am a doctor." You calmly said, inspecting the gash on his side and seeing the edge of what appeared to be a broken pipe sticking out from the building behind them. The drips if bloods glistening in the sun only confirmed what you thought.
"We were-" The injured man rasped out, "Just horsing around."
"It's okay." You reassured, grabbing a roll of gauze and stack of medical napkins you always kept in your basket. You apologized before applying pressure to the wound, and you heard the patter of rushing feet.
"A doctor is on his way! A real one!" One of the men sneered, and you did your best not to roll your eyes and focus on stopping the bleeding. You asked the man to lie on his back and he surprisingly complied, he didn't seem to care about you being a girl and only seemed thankful to not be alone and scared.
"Do you hear that? Move before you kill him!" The first man hollered, the hand on your shoulder causing you to sharply inhale.
"Excuse me for one moment." You told the man, and you were quick as you hand shot up to grip the disrespectful ass by his wrist and twist it in one fluid motion, you wasted no time in using the building wall as leverage, quickly running up and using his weight to stabilize yourself before you roundhouse kicked him so hard it sent both of you flying back. You landed on one foot, balancing yourself before going back to the patient.
You couldn't deny how satisfying it was to hear the impact, or the groan of pain coming from him. Your eyes met the others.
"If any of you touch me, I'll do exactly what I did to your buddy there, but ten times worse. Now shut the hell up and let me save this man."
Eyes widely stared at you as you resumed caring for the injured, a few minutes passed by the time the doctor got there.
"Oh!" His eyebrows rose, "Hello Y/N, didn't expect to see you here. If I would have known, I wouldn't have left the hospital on its own."
"Hi Dr. Goodwin," You looked up, two fingers on the injured man's wrist and the other held up four fingers from your counting. You blushed slightly from his confidence in you and you noticed the men who bullied you all sport faces of confusion.
"His pulse is stable. I wrapped the wound tightly, but he needs stitches."
"Thank you, miss." The injured man grabbed your hand and you smiled in return.
"Don't mention it."
"Actually, it's Dr. Y/L/N." Dr. Goodwin said, seeing your eyes widen and the smile he gave only made your heart swell that much more.
The doctor nodded, thanking you before asking his helpers to load him to the small gurney they brought. He could only thank you briefly before you waved them off. The other guys had stayed back, eyes wide in disbelief that the doctor not only recognized you, but acknowledged your work.
"Are you a nurse or something?"
"Are you morons deaf? Did you not hear Dr. Goodwin? I'm a doctor too."
The leader seemed to recover from the kick you gave him earlier as his lip curled in an ugly matter, "What kind of sick joke is that? No such thing as a woman doctor."
"Obviously there is if I'm standing right in front of you. Or did my kick knock a few more scews loose?"
Eren was walking buy, noticing the commotion from afar and as a soldier, his instincts to provide help in dire situations kicked in. He elbowed his way to the front. Seeing you standing defiantly in front of five tall muscular men. He stepped forward as the main leader got in your face, but when you shifted your foot, he seemed to coil back. Eren noticed a giant welt on one side of his face and wondered how the hell he got such an ugly bruise. It didn't stop their onslaught.
"Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you think you could do whatever the fuck you want?"
"Because in this world, I'm free to do whatever the fuck I please." Eren watched as your eyes narrowed in further defiance, the smile on your face sickeningly sweet and all he could think about was how he had never seen such a woman.
You hadn't even noticed the audience that gathered, you side stepped the group of men, going as far as waving a goodbye with a breathy giggle, you picked up your basket. You had a small hop to your step and despite not caring to even spare a glance to the onlookers, your eyes met a pair of pretty green ones. The prominent bone structure made you think, "Wow."
However, the tall muscular body you did a once over on had you follow that thought with, "Oh damn."
Eren seemed dumbfounded, your obviousness in checking him out made him flush. He had never felt self-conscious over his body. He knew even before he hit puberty that he would do well to grow muscles and abs, the necessary type of figure to have if one were to be a soldier of the scouts. He knew it was also something some females found attractive in the opposite sex but it's not like he ever had time to date much less dwell on what girls liked. Seeing the way you looked at him though, he couldn't deny that he silently hoped for your approval.
When you finally met his eyes once more, you had him floored when he saw you drop a wink at him.
The crowd murmuring as they watched you go made his own eyebrows furrow in confusion. He stepped to one of the members and demanded an explanation.
"Honestly, the little lady was crazy! She came in here claiming to be a doctor and helped patch up a guy who got cut by the pipe over there. Instead of waiting for a real doctor, she made a whole fuss."
"Where's the guy?"
"Dr. Goodwin picked him up. That doctor is mad too, he also said she was a doctor, but that's ridiculous. No woman can be a doctor. That's so many levels of wrong."
Eren felt the urge to punch the man in the mouth, but one glance at the ugly bruise his friend sported reminded him,
"What happened to your face?"
The leader grumbled a bunch of profanities, "That little bitch. I tried to get her off before she messed the guy up anymore and she kicked me."
"In your face?" Eren sounded impressed, and he was when he received a nod of confirmation.
He looked to the direction which you disappeared in and said fine words to the group, "Whether you men like it or not. The world is changing, everyone is free to be who they want. If women can join the military no problem, they can be doctors too."
He saluted before rushing off, not hearing the mutters of annoyance from the men. In all honestly, Eren had no clue on what he was doing.
You were scrubbing off the blood from under your fingernails near a fountain when you hear the shuffle of feet from behind you. You silently hoped it wasn't any of those morons asking for more trouble, but you were pleasantly surprised when your eyes met a pair of green ones from before.
"I'm Eren." You smiled at him, nodding and your smile turned quirked when he stuttered in, "Yeager. Eren Yeager."
Hmm, you had thought, His name suits him. You studied his demeanor, not missing the gear strapped to either sides of his hips or the green hood covering his shoulders. You knew immediately that he was a scout and you wondered if he knew Captain Levi. Before you got the courage to ask him, he beat you to it.
"What did you mean by what you said earlier? Do you really think that? That we're all free to do anything we want here?"
You smiled as you nodded, walking towards a vendors stand and Eren fell into step beside you, you felt nervous around him, but also safe with his company. He watched you as you picked up another apple to inspect.
"We have laws and rules though...so we're not technically all the way free?"
"I'm free to be me, just as you are free to be you...Eren...Yeager."
It was the way the sun hit your face in that moment, highlighting your strong cheekbones and giving a special glint in your eyes that made Eren want to hear your thoughts more. He spent the rest of the day asking you questions, never satisfied with the small responses you gave him and he even walked you home. The mean glare from your mother confused him beyond belief and it was your father's words that made you gasp in surprise that night.
"He's the titan shifter, the one who helped plug up wall Rose."
Your face had turned red in embarrassment, you were talking so casually to a literal titan and you even flirted with him. He even held your basket the entire trip to your house and you didn't even consider how informal you acted with your skirt. You had hitched one of them up your thigh to get better footing and hadn't missed the way Eren blushed at seeing so much skin. You knew the girls in the scouts wore pants, but even then they kept covered.
You were certain Eren wanted nothing else to do with a girl who held little to no morals, but you were caught by pleasant surprise when you saw him with Erwin and Levi the next day in town.
His eyes had immediately found yours and you didn't miss the blush on his cheeks as he gave you a small wave. You couldn't but laugh when Captain Levi suddenly kicked him.
"Who's got you turning red brat?"
"Uh-it's nothing, captain."
He didn't look convinced as you gathered the courage to approach. Erwin acknowledged your presence which Eren was grateful for, but his eyebrows still came down in confusion on how the commander knew your name.
"Y/N!" Erwin gave a polite smile which you returned, "So great to see you. We were actually just about to stop by your house."
"Really? What a coincidence, I was hoping to stop by headquarters today as well." Your smile was bright, and by the way the air around you seemed cheerful, Erwin returned your energy.
"Bearing good news I hope?" He still hesitantly asked.
You nodded as you laughed, "I would love to accept the offer if it still stands."
"Of course it does," Captain Levi scoffed, his arms were folded across his chest. You noted for the first time the soft grey color of his eyes and despite the deep scowl he was currently showing, he had chubby cheeks that made you want to squish, "We wouldn't be coming all this way for nothing."
"I thought we were coming to collect a new scout, Captain Levi." Eren asked, you felt yourself blush in realization that he had no clue it was actually you they were referring to.
"We are," Levi grabbed you by your arm and yanked you towards him as he pointed at you while looking at Eren like he was an idiot, "Meet the scout's new doctor. Dr. Y/L/N meet Eren-"
"Yeager." You finished, smiling towards Eren, "We've met."
Erwin and Levi exchanged looks as they watched you and Eren smiled at each other like a pair of idiots, the realization dawning over them and Erwin couldn't fight the smirk that crossed his face. Small world, he thought.
Six months had passed since the first fateful encounter you had with Eren. You had long since moved out of your home and besides the occasional secret letter from your father, you hadn't heard nor seen the rest of your family since your decision to become a doctor for the scouts.
It was a transition to go through as you lost one family and gained a new one, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. The girls welcomed you with open arms, most notably was Sasha whose habit of eating everything and anything brought her to the infirmary on more than one occasion, Connie usually followed right behind her with a minor injury resulting from his carelessness. You had met Floch when he brought Jean in from a sparring session gone wrong and he immediately took a liking to you. Your level-headedness was like a breath of fresh air to him as he was constantly sorrounded by people he thought were idiots. Jean liked your confidence (The fact that you were easy on the eyes, didn't hurt either), Mikasa respected the way you didn't hesitate to put people in their place, and Armin admired that despite your obvious toughness, you were a kind and patient doctor who never turned anyone away. You were diligent and hard-working, yet your smile was always able to uplift any sour mood and you always put your best foot forward. The one time he had puked all over your hospital floor from eating too much undercooked meat was embarrassing for him, he thought for sure you were going to be angry and call him an idiot. Instead, you took his temperature, put a cold cloth on his head (despite his titan status guaranteeing a speedy recovery), and started a healthier diet plan for him. Armin was scheduled a weekly checkup with you, partly to ensure he was listening and partly for you to study him a bit more. Your research on the titan's ability to regenerate and recover from even the worst injuries was fascinating for you, you hoped to isolate the genes and figure out a way to maybe trigger it in regular Eldians without setting off the titan ability, the fact that Eren made it a habit to accompany Armin didn't hurt either.
Eren had grown attached to you, whenever he wasn't busy or in need of a place to hide from Captain Levi's wrath or Hange's insistence to poke and prod him, he would be hanging out around you or in your office. At one point you had to hide him under your desk when Commander Erwin stopped by to hold a meeting with you about providing first aid training to the scouts for excursions. You were always welcomed to accompany them outside the walls, but your work was enough to make you stay. You recalled the way Eren was pressed against your legs, the feel of his hands steadying himself on your calves and when your skirt had shifted up when you reached for one of the records, you felt Eren brush his fingertips along the muscle. You had stammered the rest of the meeting through and smacked him afterwards for putting you in such a compromising position. You were blushing furiously at the way he gave such a boyish grin and even that night while he walked you to your small cottage, he had a satisfied smile in place.
You always knew you liked Eren, you were also hopeful that the feeling was mutual. The both of you had grown close over the course of your stay, as the head doctor you were given your own living quarters, not too far from headquarters but not so close to the city that you would be given a hard time. Your cottage was fair in size and with the amount of income you were receiving, you were quick to furnish and decorate it to your liking. Eren had even helped by adding his own touches to the interior. The times you would go to the city with him was always met with many curious stares. Your age and gender made many turn heads when you walked in, the fact that you were the youngest and by far prettiest doctor the scouts had ever had made people naturally gravitate to you. Your ability to make friends quickly also made it that almost every weekend you were entertaining guests at your house. Sometimes it would be dinner with Sasha, Niccolo, and Connie. Other times you would be knitting and embroidering with Mikasa and Armin, there was even game nights with everyone until Jean and Eren became too competitive with one another. Other times when the higher ups had meetings (All of which you had to attend since you technically held an officer position within the military branch) you would offer your house where you all shared cups of tea and your famous baked goods. You had even seen Captain Levi grab seconds on your sugar cookies.
It was the times when Eren would swing by alone that caused your heart to flutter, he would walk you home almost every night now. At first he would find the poorest excuses to see you like needing a bandaid for his wrist from the biting (even though by the time you gave him the gauze it would be healed over completely) or try to "casually" be around the area when you would get out at three in the morning. Eventually your amusement turned to you asking him to walk you home every night under the guise that you were afraid of being targeted or hurt, even though everyone had seen you body-slam Reiner the one time he tried to hit on you when you were stitching up his eyebrow from an ugly gash. Nonetheless, Eren accepted. You would invite him in for tea every time and he would even bring you lunch on days he failed to see you in the cafeteria. It seemed like everyone under the sun knew about you and Eren's crushes on one another, so it was also a pain in the ass that neither of you had yet to make a move on one another. Even Erwin had assumed you two were together the one morning he stopped by your house on your day off to ask for your aid for a soldier who had broken their arm from a training exercise, his eyes had grown wide upon seeing you open the door in only your nightgown, you were rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you invited him in for breakfast.
Upon walking in, he immediately saw Eren exiting your bathroom in his casual jeans, his hair was wet and sticking up from the steam of the shower. Eren wasn't wearing a shirt and before Erwin could excuse himself completely you quickly explained how you hadn't wanted him to walk outside so late so he slept on your couch. You were washing his clothes and had left them out to dry and Erwin could only nod and stop himself from suggesting for Eren to bring spare clothes to yours, remembering that it wasn't his place to push or even encourage his team's doctor and titan-shifter to date even though by the way he saw you put jelly on Eren's toast while he made your cup of tea with three sugars was enough for him to almost just order the two of you to date. Instead, he gave a long rant to Levi, wondering aloud whether Eren was either oblivious to your affections or just an idiot, Levi only replied with, "Did you happen to bring any of the toast she made?"...he did and Levi later on answered, "He's just an idiot." while licking the excess jelly off his fingers.
It was another day at headquarters, the mid-summer day was hot and since the flow of traffic had been slow inside the infirmary, you found yourself mostly in the officer's lounge. You had opted to wear a long sleeve empire waist dress, the top had ruffles along your collar and the soft pink of the dress complimented your skin tone. It fell around mid-thigh and the black shoes you wore with them completed your overall look. Eren had stared at your bare legs for a while until he noted your haircut. You had only cut off the ends but your heart did a flip as you blushed from him noticing. You had been chatting with Hange about your research while Moblit spoke to Eren about the new set of routes to be taken during their next trip beyond the walls when Captain Levi walked in. Hange waved him over and he fell easily beside you.
"Hey." His arm brushing against yours and you hummed in response, leaning a bit towards him which didn't go unnoticed by Eren.
"Levi, did you take your medicine this morning?" About two weeks ago you had caught the captain asleep at his desk for the fourth time. You knew he overworked himself and refused to sleep in his bed no matter how many therapeutic pillows you got him, but while he was out like a light you decided to check his blood pressure, only to find it alarmingly high. You figured the amount of stress and cups of caffeinated tea were to blame. Levi kept in good shape, but considering his age and the fact that he never even considers laughing, you prescribed him medications to be take every morning and cut him off from his usual tea leaves. The former was easier to push as the calcium and magnesium capsules were easy to swallow, it was getting rid of all the tins in his desk that made him a bit unbearable to the new recruits.
He let out an annoyed grunt as he nodded. Your smile was soft as you put an encouraging hand on his arm and Eren was officially not listening to Moblit anymore.
"Thanks for sticking to your diet, Captain Levi. As a token of my appreciation, I got you these." You didn't let him reply, quick to act as always as you reached into the small basket you had brought and grabbed his hand to put the gray tin of loose leaves that you took out in his palm.
As usual, the captain was unfazed by your lack of appreciation for personal space. The past few weeks had done well to teach him how despite being yelled at, threatened, and even outright ignored at times, your cheeriness was impossible to diminish and you did whatever the heck you wanted even when it was at times impulsive.
"What is it?" He looked between you and the tin, the slight sneer on his upper lip making you release a giggle before you tapped the bow you tied on it.
"It's tea leaves." He raised a slim eyebrow which made you roll your eyes, "Decaffeinated tea."
"Let me guess, it tastes like shit." His eyes flickered to the purple bow, "Or it'll make me shit."
You laughed, you upper body leaning on his as you attempted to catch your breath. The joke wasn't that funny but the face he made was. You giggled as you shook your head and Hange watched in bemusement as you elaborated,
"It's the tea I always serve and judging by the three cups you had last time, I'm positive you'll like it."
Levi let out a nod, he hadn't even noticed that the tea you served had no caffeine but the heavy notes of honey in it probably explained its sweetness. He gave a quiet thank you before his scowl returned,
"So that's why I was on the crapper all night after the last meeting."
"With a potty mouth like that, it's not wonder you don't have a girlfriend." You deadpanned.
"I feel bad for the poor bastard who falls in love with you."
You let out a small tsk, smiling at him and hoping Eren heard as you said, "Well that depends if he admits he feels the same way."
Captain Levi quirked an eyebrow at you, his eyes knowing and you blushed under his stare. Your fingers fiddling behind your back and Eren hated the way Levi suddenly chuckled at you. His smile was a rarity and to have him giving it to you only meant one thing to Eren; the captain liked you.
"So there is someone you like? Who's the poor brat?"
When you were about to make another snide remark, Hange cut in and excused herself and Moblit.
"As fascinating as this is, there's a captured titan waiting my arrival and if I don't get to use this research Dr. Y/L/N just gave me before nightfall, I will lose my mind."
"I hadn't heard of us ever finding it to begin with." Levi sighed, taking a lock of your hair between his fingers and letting the curl bounce back before he excused himself to tag along with them.
"Someone's got to make sure four eyes doesn't get killed."
"That's why Moblit is going with her." You noted.
"And who do you think will make sure Moblit doesn't get killed?" He smiled once more, "Laters doc."
You waved goodbye to the three, the door clicking behind them and you turned to see Eren with his arms crossed. He was pouting like a child and you wondered what his deal was. You figured with your earlier comment, he would be over the moon to hear you hinting at liking him. You skipped up to him, getting on the tips of your toes as you poked his cheek.
"What's the matter? You look like a scolded child."
"Nothing." He muttered, looking away as his jaw clenched and you only poked him once more.
"Liar." You called him out, "Talk to me."
"You didn't answer Captain Levi's question."
You were sure that there was a giant question mark on top of your head, the gear in your mind shifting as you tried to recall what the captain asked before your mouth opened in realization. You couldn't help but smile as you looked down at Eren's shoes and he only seemed to grow angrier as he watched you blush.
"About my crush? Oh! Well I wouldn't call him a brat, but I guess his attitude could often warrant that title. He's got this sort of this determined mentality that I guess some people can find...overbearing." You played with the cuff of your dress, "But I personally find it charming."
"So he's charming?"
You hummed as you smiled, "He's a bit rough around the edges, but he always means well. He's easy on the eyes too. Got really nice hair and pretty colored eyes that makes me swoon around him. Not to mention his body looks like Zeus could be his father." To add emphasis, your body leaned side to side as you laughed.
Eren snorted, his eyes rolling as he thought of any guy he knew that was like you described. All he could think of was Captain Levi and Erwin. He hated to think of Levi as charming, but he was rough all around. Erwin had eyes that Historia had once described as pretty, but to think of you being attracted to someone as old as him made his stomach flip.
"Want to head back to my office?" You suggested, not wanting to leave Eren's side until he figured it out but also not wanting to stick around in case other officers walked in. You got a stiff nod and wanted to giggle when Eren still opened the door for you. As the both of you walked through the large building, you added a hop to your step as you continued,
"He's also such a gentleman. He respects me, he's never intimidated by my sharp wit, always opens doors for me, waits until I'm sitting before he starts eating, and he almost seems proud of me being a doctor. He's just so understanding and sure of himself as a man that I guess the idea of having a girlfriend in my position would never make him feel inferior." You turned to look at Eren sideways and noticed his shoulders hunched, you knew it was cruel how you kept teasing him but were hopeful that it would click for him soon, so you went on.
"Wow, sounds like a real keeper." He grumbled, now thinking of Jean or even Connie. Armin was too occupied with Annie and Reiner was too obsessed with Historia to hang around you. There was no way Beruto/Borrito/Bertoto would catch your eye as you had made it a point to always get his name wrong, but Connie made you laugh and Jean was always extra nice to you.
"I'm telling you, I think he's perfect. He's dependable, strong, and we share so many of the same ideas. I could talk to him for hours and never be bored and when I'm not with him, I feel...sad. I just constantly want to be by his side and if I'm not I want him to be thinking about me because that's exactly what I do."
You both entered your office, you walked up to your desk as you spoke, turning around and leaning against it to look at Eren. He had closed your door a little harder than necessary, the wood shaking against the frame as he crossed his arms and leaned his back on the door. He looked downright irritated and you bit your lip to keep from laughing.
"So why haven't you told him?"
You shrugged, "I think I've been pretty obvious about it, I'm always smiling when he's in the room, I always want to be with him, there's never a day where we don't walk together. I even wore this dress for him today."
You waved down at your figure, Eren's eyes looked over you twice and you jumped up on your desk, your thighs parting as you let the short skirt cover your panties and barely cover the tops of your thighs.
"I'm sure he'll love it." Eren spit out.
"I don't know..." You tilted your head, "Do you?"
Eren pushed himself off the door, going to your bookcase and letting his fingers brush the spines of the books, "It doesn't matter what I think. I'm not Mr. Pretty eyes. Sounds like a simpleton to me."
You let out an actual deep sigh and Eren met you with furrowed brows.
"What?"
"You're so fucking dense, Eren."
"What did I say?" He threw his hands up, "Just because I called him simple? I'm so sorry I don't care to hear you go on and on about this guy. I never thought I'd see you bend over backwards for some guy who opens doors for you. I thought you would have higher standards than that."
You let out a snort, "Keep talking Yeager, and I just might higher them."
"I mean I never thought looks would be so important to you. It's so-"
"So what?" Your tongue had a sharp edge that did not go unnoticed by Eren. He stood only a few feet from your desk, but you saw the awkward shift in his posture.
"Shallow." He spit out.
"Excuse me?" You gave him a look that said if he wouldn't apologize in the next ten seconds, he would surely live to regret it.
"What I mean is...what guy could possibly have this head over heels and you're just now telling me? I thought...I thought we-" He stopped, looking to the side and you relaxed before saying,
"We what, Eren?"
"I thought we had something special." He muttered. He looked to see your mouth opened in a small gasp and he began to turn to exit when you quietly beckoned him over.
"Eren...come here."
"No, I should g-"
"Please." You begged and the look in your eyes brought him to stand in front of you. Your hands reached for his shirt, yanking him forward and you hooked your legs around his calves. Eren gaped at you, not knowing what to do and say as you put one hand on his shoulder and the other cupped his cheek.
"You are such a dumbass." You laughed, "The person I've been going on and on about, that simpleton you bashed, is you. It's always been you, Eren."
It was like watching a light flicker on very very slowly, but once it was on you watched as embarrassment flooded Eren. His smile was sheepish and stupid as he stuttered over his words. His hands rested on your hips and you stroked his face from his temple to jaw as you asked,
"Do you maybe feel the same way?"
You didn't get a verbal answer, the sudden kiss Eren laid on you was an answer enough. His lips were soft and warm as they moved against your own, his tongue enveloped yours and you felt him lean more onto you. The moan that slipped out his mouth when you bit his bottom lip made something tighten in your stomach.
When you two finally broke apart you didn't miss the trail of saliva that connected the two of you and you whimpered for more. The second kiss was heavier, a clash of teeth and tongues as Eren feverishly wrestled to touch you everywhere his hands could reach. You felt him press against your core, the loud gasp you let out made him look at you in concern.
"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop if you want me to."
You shook your head as you met those green eyes that held you captive since day one, "More. I want more."
The smirk was something you had never seen, his eyes became half-lidded as Eren kissed your nose. Then your chin, then your neck. When he reached your collar, his finger hooked onto the top of your dress, pulling the fabric down as he kissed just above your breast.
"She wants more." He said to himself, the soft rasp in his voice made you attempt to close your legs. His hands pushed what little that had covered your legs up and Eren's fingers brushed your core.
The jump you gave made his smirk grow, "I haven't even touched you yet."
He saw the small patch of dampness on your panties, and before you could ask him what he was doing, you let out a sharp gasp when his fingers pushed the fabric to the side and he plunged two fingers into your pussy.
The moan he ripped from you was like music to his ears and as he began to slowly pump his fingers in and out he watched as your face became hot and red. It was uncomfortable as first, you could even say it hurt but that didn't stop you from rocking your hips up to meet his eager hands. You weren't entirely prepared as you felt a bit tense as Eren kissed your neck, the suckling on your flesh making small breathy whimpers leave your mouth. His other hand's fingers hovered over the buttons on the back of your dress and his eyes asked for permission as he glanced up at you.
A small tentative nod was all he received before he took out his hand from between your legs, his tongue skillfully licking the digits cleaned and you didn't think you would find such an act so erotic. You arm hooked around his neck as you brought him down to a kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips as he kissed you back eagerly, his fingers skillfully working the buttons on your dress and you wondered for a brief moment if he had ever done such an act before. You pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to lose focus or confidence while in the middle of being with Eren by letting unnecessary insecure creep into your heart. As if being able to read your mind, Eren said-
"Stop being in your head," A hard kiss against your lips, "Be here with me."
His nose rubbed sweetly against yours, fingers tilting your head up as you gave a hesitant nod. Your eyes wanted to focus anywhere but his eyes and you could felt warmth spread across your cheeks when the sleeves of your dress fell down your arms. The idea of letting Eren see all of you was as exciting as it was nerve-wrecking, the most he ever saw was your legs and back from that one time you walked out of the bath in only a towel. Seeing him shirtless was not new but you still felt your breath catch in your throat as you watched him yank the material off. Your hands explored the newly exposed skin, fingers dipping in every curve of muscle and your hand rested just above the waistband of his jeans. You noticed his breathing grow heavy, Eren's head falling forward on your exposed shoulder where you felt him nip and suck on the soft flesh. You returned the favor by kissing him on the chest, your eyes still casted downwards as you fumbled with the buckle on his belt, you let out a small curse from how hard your hands were shaking and Eren placed a gentle hand on top of yours, his eyes alight with amusement as his lips curved into a soft smile.
"Baby, relax." He murmured, he pushed your hands aside as he took over the task. You let out a deep breath as you heard the sound of his zipper being tugged down and you decided to be bold. You lowered the upper half of your dress, the cotton falling off your arms with ease and you blushed furiously once you remembered that you hardly ever wore bras and today was no different.
Your nipples were taut as you shivered from the cold air in your office and Eren stared at you in wonder his eyes raking your body as you looked to the side and brought your bottom lip in between your teeth.
"Fuck, can I touch you?" Eren blurted, his hands still near his trousers and you giggled when he added a last second, "Please."
Nodding, you figured it was time to stop feeling so shy. You had been dreaming about this moment for months, yet as the man you loved stood before you, eager to be with you, all you could think about was how scared you were that you wouldn't be enough to satisfy him.
One more glance at the way he watched you was enough for you to think, If he really didn't, he wouldn't be looking at me as if I put all the stars in the sky.
You felt the second wind of confidence hit you and you took Eren by surprise as you hooked your fingers on his belt loops and tugged the fabric down. You palmed him through the thin material of his briefs and his hips jerked from the contact before he melted against you. Lowering the elastic, your small hand wrapped itself around his shaft and you took a moment to admire his dick. It was something new and foreign to you, for a moment you wondered if all male penises looked like that but you pushed that thought aside as you found yourself not really wanting to ever know, as long as Eren's would be the only one you saw. You hand moved up and down, your thumb brushing across his tip as you swiped some of the liquid leaking out to use as lube.
You knew he was a few inches above average, the thickness was also enough to make you worry for a moment whether he would be able to fit in you as his fingers struggling to push inside of you were of any indication of how tight your body was. Either way you were determined to satisfy the both of you, the idea of him using you and watching his face come apart as he milked himself dry using only your pussy had your head feeling fuzzy with want. He rested his head on you, causing your body to lean back and you pressed one palm on your desk behind you and the other jerked him off a bit sloppily. His moans filled the space of your office, you secretly prayed to the gods that the scouts could be smart enough for once to not be injured or to be able to at least handle it themselves and your eyes flickered to the door for a moment.
"Eren," You murmured to the shell of his ear, his heavy breaths fanning across the span of your chest and you felt both your bodies getting hot. "The door, we need to lock the door."
His groan was the only response you got as he trailed kisses up your neck and shoulder, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he was such a guy sometimes. You began to lower yourself from the desk before his hand on your leg suddenly halted your movements and he gave you a lazy smile, his half lidded eyes softly rolling as he let out an obnoxious groan of annoyance.
"I'll do it." He didn't even bother to tuck himself back into his briefs, his dick fully erect as he made way to your door. You felt your hand falling to your side and you bit your lip as you thought about what you wanted to do twice before letting your own hand push the fabric of your underwear to the side once more. You rubbed at your clit lazily as you softly moaned, your eyes closing at the sensation and you smiled when you heard the soft, "Shit." coming from a few feet ahead of you. Eren's eyes were transfixed on you, the way your head rolled back as your moans became louder and higher pitched was making him painfully hard and he wanted-no needed to be inside of you before he was sure he would come right then and there.
Your eyes were still closed when you felt him settle between your legs once more, eyes hazy and smile lazy as you felt him tug your panties down your legs. Your ass lifted briefly to help and you giggled when he grunted in annoyance from having to shuffle backwards to slip them off completely. He laughed with you as his hand cupped you by your jaw, lips finding yours in a tender kiss and the hand that had been rubbing at your clit was used to steady yourself by his shoulder. His muscles flexed under your touch and your breaths intermingled as he stared at you with such an intensity that you felt your stomach flip. You looked down to where he rubbed his length along your folds and gulped.
"I-I'm nervous." You admitted, cheeks blushing and Eren kissed your temple.
"It's okay, I'll take care of you. Do you trust me?" You gasped at the intensity in his eyes, Eren Yeager was one who never beat around the bush and you felt tears pool around your eyes as you nodded. Everything leading up to this moment overwhelmed you suddenly, losing your family, gaining your dream job, becoming independent so quickly, and falling in love with a man who turned into what so many feared but who let you place` flower crowns on his head during tea parties. He continued to maintain eye contact with you, your lips parting and eyes partly closing as he began to push past your labia. It all felt too much, but you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in that exact moment Eren pressed his tip into your passageway. There was a bit of resistance and the guttural moan he released made your eyes widen in an audible gasp, he looked ethereal with reddened cheeks, a slacked opened jaw, eyes that looked close to tears, and thin layer of sweat making his dark brown locks stick to his forehead.
He pushed another inch in, trying his best to not act too quickly or too harshly. All he wanted to do was fucking ruin you. Mark you as his by impregnating you and watching as you took every drop of his semen. It seemed you wanted it too as your hips jerked forward and took in another inch.
"Eren, please." You had no idea what you were asking for, he was being slow and gentle and as much as you appreciated his mindfulness, it had been six long months and if you had to go through another night of humping your pillow or rubbing one out with only fantasies of Eren touching you (Sometimes even Levi, depending on how much alcohol you had consumed) you were gong to scream.
Another inch and a deep chuckle was his response. Your eyes were set ablaze as the realization that he was teasing you.
"Please what baby?"
"Give it to me." You whispered, your hand tugging at his hair harshly and the hiss of pain he released was simultaneous when he completely thrusted his entire length into you. Your thighs jerked at the sudden intrusion and the cry you let out was loud enough that if anybody were nearby, the would have assumed someone struck you. Your hand smacked against his chest, your breath ragged as you attempted to give Eren an angry glance but your pussy betrayed you as it clenched hard around him.
You both released a gasp when Eren fully bottomed out inside you. His hips flush against your parted thighs and your foreheads pressed against one another, lips brushing but not kissing yet as you two came to terms of what was being done. You and Eren were one, there was no going back from what was about to transpire and you silently prayed that he wouldn't regret it later.
"Stop being in your head," He murmured against your mouth, eyes looking into yours, "Be here..."
He gave a heavenly thrust and you felt his arms wrap themselves around your waist as he forced you to fall back onto your desk with a small uff and your hands fell onto his shoulders. Your legs locked around his waist and the new angle caused him to be deeper inside you, but he continued to stare at your with that same admiration from that day he had met you.
"With me."
You nodded slowly, kissing Eren for what felt like the first time. A bit shyly and unsure as your mouth moved against his slowly, you savored the taste of tea and something sweet from his tongue and you let one of your hands hold him by his face as the other found solace in his hair.
Eren began to thrust into you, the rhythm a bit off at first as you two tried to find what worked and when he dipped his hips a little and heard the string of filthy words leaving your mouth, he gave a knowing smirk.
"Hmm, right there princess?"
You panted, your tongue lolling out as his began to go faster. One of your hands shot out to the side to brace yourself on something when Eren began to fuck you harder and instead you turned to see you hand knocked your bottle of ink over, the deep blue liquid was spilling everywhere but before you could let your brain process the mess, Eren began to suck on the flesh of your neck that you exposed when you moved your head. You moaned as you closed your eyes at the overwhelming sensations of it all, your hands grabbing at the muscles in his back and you arched your own and pressed your chest into him.
"Oh fuck," Eren moaned out, "This pussy is so good. You're taking me so well, princess."
"Yeah?" You panted out, "Going to cum in me, baby?"
Eren picked himself up on his forearms, too preoccupied with how pretty your tits looks bouncing with each thrust to notice the your hair was sprawled all over and the upper part of his arm was touching something wet, he figured it was the sweat you two were producing with your coupling.
"I'm gonna get you pregnant, make you mine forever."
"I'm yours!" You screamed as his hips slammed particularly harder down onto your own.
"Choke me, make me a mommy, cum in me, just please don't stop fucking me." You cried out, and a new sort of excitement showed in his eyes, his hand cupped just below your jaw and the light pressure he put on you made you moan louder.
The sounds of skin smacking, panting breaths, and heavy moans filled the air. Eren coaxing you to come all over his dick as you begged him to not pull out of you echoed of the walls of your office. You went on like that for a good while and you giggled in realization that your silent wish for everyone to leave the two of you alone for a while had come true.
Unbeknownst to you two, there had almost been three interruptions. The first being Captain Levi who wanted to ask if mixing his blood pressure medicine with wine would be too dangerous, but when he heard you scream he almost barged in before the unmistakable moan that followed made him fully come to a halt. He didn't even think twice about what was transpiring, briefly remembering that Eren was in fact with you this morning before quickly turning around and hauled ass as far from the hallway as he could. He wasn't sure where he was heading before he stumbled into Erwin's office, the commander looking up to see his captain look like he just ran a marathon.
"Levi? You look like you just saw a ghost?" His eyebrows creased, "Are you okay?"
"Yeager isn't as dense as we thought."
Eren stood to his full height, grabbing at your ankles and moving your legs onto his shoulders to they were fully parallel to his body. You let out another giggle at how your ankles were now on either side of his head, but the small kiss he gave your right one made you let out a noise of adoration. He gripped your hips, smiling as he noted the streaks of something blue all over your chest and neck but decided against telling you as your pussy began to pulsate around him. There was no way in hell he was going to stop you from orgasming.
The second time was Sasha and Connie as they wanted to ask if eating candies with the wrapper still on was anything they needed to worry about, but the sounds of your desk scraping across the floor with Eren commending you for being a good girl and taking him so well made the both of them stare at each other with wide eyes. The "Huh?"'s they exchanged were amusing to anyone else and Sasha grabbed Connie by the collar before they hightailed out of there. Connie wanting to see if Eren had really been capable of pulling you and Sasha calling it bullshit and stating that the real reason was that he wanted to see you naked.
His thrusts became wild and sloppy, the slushing sounds you two were making was the hottest sounds you ever heard. You held onto his wrists, your smile wide and beautiful and Eren knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.
"I'm not gonna last long," He let you know, you nodded as you reached down to rub your clit in circles.
"Fuck, you look so hot." He blurted, his cheeks a deeper red and you gave him another soft smile.
"Thanks, baby. You too." His abs were going to be the death of you and you hoped you would get the chance to suck him off later to lick them one by one in foreplay.
You felt him begin to twitch in you and you knew you were so close, your rubbing speeding up as Eren's thrusts were becoming more sporadic. The way his eyes began to roll upwards had you chanting,
"I'm-I'm cumming!" Your moan was breathy and high as you felt your release overwhelm your senses, you felt euphoria as you moaned so loud that Jean and Floch who didn't believe Connie when he said that Eren had managed to bed you stared at each other with wide eyes and gaped mouths as they stood outside your door. Their cheeks red as they rushed down the hallway as if their asses were on fire, not even halfway down the stairs when they felt their collars yanked at so harshly they almost trampled down, Captain Levi's glare knowing as he began to reprimand them for being nosy pricks.
Eren's cock dove into you hard and you felt him pulsate as he shot long ropes of cum into you, his essence overflowing as he filled you to the brim and painted your insides white.
His moan was unbelievably loud and low, the "I love you." That followed didn't go unnoticed by you and the smile he gave, made you realize how much he meant it.
"I love you." Your answered back, he pushed your thighs to your chest when he lowered himself to kiss you. His cock softening inside you and he slowed his thrusts down and milked himself dry. He tapped his tip on your sensitive clit, making sure he was empty before tucking himself back into his boxers and jeans. The creampie in you was beginning to ooze out and he used his two fingers to push it back in, your hips bucking at the intrusion and you whined about your sensitivity.
You sat up, your hand going to fix your hair, only groaning slightly when you felt the ink on some strands already drying. You huffed before jumping down and fixing your dress. Eren was putting his shirt back on, his back slightly turned to you and your eyes widened in embarrassment at seeing the blue ink in what was obviously your finger prints streaked all over. You looked down and saw that it had well faded from your hands, transferring to your lover who put on his jacket. You shrugged, figuring no one would see it and you could wash your hands later. Your hair would be a bit tricky to explain but you would be home to shower soon anyway, which reminded you-
"Do you want to stay over tonight?" You blurted, scaring Eren as his eyes widened, you bit the inside of your cheek and fumbled with your fingers.
He smiled, walking up to you and kissing you on the lips before replying, "I would love to. I have to do some work today, and pack an overnight bag but I'll be home by dinner." His eyes looked you over, stifling a laugh when he saw the marks of blue ink on your neck, debating on telling you but not being able to deny how cute they looked on you, a gentle reminder of what happened just moments ago and an odd turn on for him to think of it as him marking you as his, the lovebite also on the side making him watch you with love.
You nodded before giving a follow-up question, "Chicken or fish?"
"Fish." He nodded, you grabbed a few papers from your desk drawer and Eren asked if you were all set before taking your hand into his as the two of you began to walk out the office, you mentioned having to speak to Erwin about the cadet recovering from a broken limb and Eren listened patiently, your hands swinging in between the two of you and you both relished at how easy it felt to transition into a life of domestication together. He walked you to Erwin's office, his knuckles knocking on the door before a loud, "One minute!" replied.
You both shared a look of confusion before shrugging and stepping to the side. You fixing his hair and Eren's hand resting on top of your hips when the office door opened. You both turned to see Jean and Floch who sported sullen faces, their arms swinging in front of them as if they were children just denied a cone of ice cream.
"Boys?" You called, your free hand interlocking with Eren who stood in place as you took a step toward the pair. "Everything alright?"
They looked between you and Eren, Jean seeing the ink marks on your neck and seeing Eren's hair haphazard was enough to make him look to the floor, his cheeks reddening and Eren could only smirk. Floch was the opposite, he couldn't take his eyes off you as his face held a permanent grimace and you wondered if he was constipated.
"Baby," Eren called, tugging you back to him and Jean scoffed, Possessive ass is already showing her off. He thought to himself.
"They just got yelled at by Erwin, whatever they did was obviously bad, just leave them be."
You nodded in understanding, giving them a comforting smile and Floch didn't miss the knowing look in Eren's eyes.
"Sorry to hear about that. If you two ever need anything, you know where my office is."
"Yeah, that's the problem." Captain Levi's voice came from the doorway. Jean and Floch mumbled a quick goodbye before scurrying away and you couldn't help but fall into deeper confusion.
The captain and Eren exchanged looks before Eren bent to kiss your cheek.
"I got to go. I'll see you later, princess." You blushed at the nickname and public display, murmuring a soft okay in reply as your boyfriend? walked away from you.
You gave Levi a smile which he didn't return, you didn't miss the small blush on his cheeks and you figured it was from seeing such intimacy from Eren. You were almost positive Levi was still a virgin. Walking into Erwin's office, you all but skipped the man's desk, falling beside him and giving him a bright smile which he returned.
"Hey Erwin, just wanted to update you on the cadet's recovery plan. He should be back in training in a few months if he listens to my instructions, think you can help me?"
"Sure what do you need?"
"Well, I'd need you to sign these release forms first." You shrugged putting the papers in front of him, you looked at his desk and grabbed the pen, "Where's your ink?"
The chuckle the two men gave you made your eyebrows furrow in confusion.
"What?"
"Seems like you're wearing it, Doc." Levi's eyes flickered to your neck.
You let out a gasp and your hands slapped to cover you and the laughs that followed only made you blush furiously.
Dammit, You thought, Eren you idiot.
#eren smut#eren jaeger#eren x y/n#eren jeager x reader#eren x you#attack on titan eren#eren jäger#eren aot#snk#shingeki no kyojin#aot smut#attack on titan#aot#loveanoutcast original#eren fluff#eren yeager#eren yaeger x y/n#eren yaeger x reader#eren yaeger x you#eren yaeger imagine#aot x reader#aot fanfiction#shingeki no kyoujin manga#shingeki no kyoujin x reader#snk x reader
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A rant about Destiny (and why I love Jaskier)
Please note, so far I've only seen the show. I know almost nothing about the books/games, so what I write refers only to the Netflix series.
I also understand that my point of view about Destiny is probably a bit unusual for a fan of the show, since it... kinda goes against its whole ethos, I guess? Unless I completely misunderstood the series. That wouldn't surprise me, I'm not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Also also, I'm writing based on the assumption that Jaskier is in love with Geralt.
I wanted to start this post by raving about the bath scene in Of Banquets, Bastards and Burials. I'll get to it later.
Instead, I decided to start by writing about how soft I get every time I think how Jaskier is the only important person in Geralt's life who actively chose him, and continued choosing him, again and again, and agreed to go with him, despite his heartbreak, when Geralt asked him after breaking him out of jail.
Geralt, Ciri and Yennefer were brought together by Destiny, the Law of Surprise, and a wish.
On the other hand, it was Jaskier that approached Geralt first, Jaskier who insisted on walking the Path with him, and Jaskier who went back and back to him, every year (even though, as the original lyrics for Her Sweet Kiss strongly imply, not without some doubts and internal struggle).
I used to get sad at the idea that Jaskier doesn't seem to be getting to be a part of the Family of Destiny. Now my thoughts are... a bit more complicated.
It starts - unsurprisingly - with the famous bath scene.
I was struck as I was rewatching the scene (for a fanfic that'll probably never see the light of the day, hah!) by the tension in the dialogue between "want" and "need".
Jaskier talks exclusively about "want".
He asks Geralt about the future; he asks what he'd like to do once he's done with his "monster hunting nonsense".
There is no hypothetical in the way he addresses Geralt; there is no "what would you do if you could...", no "what would you have done if you...".
It is only natural for him to assume there must be something Geralt may want for himself, some future when he gets to be just himself, Geralt, not a witcher, but whoever he wants to be, and has no trouble telling him there might be someone out there who might want (as opposed to need) him (hint: it's Jaskier).
Geralt, on the other hand, frames any possible entanglement of his in terms of "need".
The difference between their attitude is especially striking, I think, in these two lines:
J: Maybe someone out there will WANT you.
G: I NEED no one. And the last thing I want is someone NEEDING me.
He also doesn't seem to see any future for himself except keeping doing what he does until he gets too old and slow and gets himself killed.
As for Jaskier, even after Geralt's answer to his question about whether witchers ever retire, he seems to implicitly discard the idea that the answer might be "no", that there's nothing else to it, no possibility for Geralt to be anybody else, to choose any other path.
Jaskier's horizon for Geralt is open, full of possibilities, of choices to be made; Geralt's is closed, a predetermined path.
In a way, it makes sense that in this instance Jaskier is all about "want". He's young, sanguine, ambitious, ebullient, and a bit of a hedonist: he likes music, good ale, nice food, and falling in love (and in bed) impulsively but undoubtedly sincerely all the time.
And yet, it's not something that he brings up only when he's happy and carefree. As many other fans have already pointed out, he keeps asking Geralt what he wants - as opposed to what he has to do, or what his destiny is - even at his most vulnerable, at his angriest, at his most heartbroken, even when he throws back at Geralt the much-detested monicker "Butcher".
Jaskier is, ultimately, a man of choice in a narrative that relies so heavily on lives bound together by magic or by forces beyond human control.
And, well, the thing is, I kinda dislike Chosen One, Child of Destiny narratives. I hate Fate or Necessity as the driving force behind a story, and Destiny is... not a concept I'm comfortable with.
Not because it's lazy (though sometimes it is, I think) but because It hurts me. I can truly enjoy it only as long as I don't get invested in the characters of the story; then, I feel trapped.
Other people hear 'destiny' and think about prophecy, and a glorious though often painful march towards something good, something great.
Fulfill your Destiny. Become what, who you were always meant to be. Find your purpose. Save the world.
As for me, all I hear is that line from T.S. Eliot, "O dark dark dark. They all go into the dark", I hear the rumbling of a boulder that was put into motion by a force bigger than yourself long before you were born, and will go on rolling well after it has crushed you and turned your bones into dust.
Even benevolent destinies, the ones about saving the world, feel stifling, like you only get to choose how to navigate the territory as you move from one checkpoint to the other on the path that has already been determined for you, hoping you don't stumble along the way, like you get to choose the music, but not your destination.
As far as Geralt is concerned, Renfri tells him about "the girl in the forest" being his destiny in ep. 1, which takes place at a time when Queen Calanthe was more or less Ciri's age, therefore long before Ciri was even born; given Calanthe's age at that time, it's likely not even Pavetta was born.
Even though Renfri doesn't say Ciri's name, the reference to "the girl in the forest" is pretty specific, and doesn't sound like a prophecy about some nebulous, unspecified descendent of Lara Dorren; so long in the past, Ciri is already a fixed point in Geralt's life.
Don't get me wrong. Ciri does need Geralt to protect her and teach her to protect herself, and she does need Yennefer to teach her how to control and use the Chaos that is within her, and I know, I know it's for Ciri's own good, and for the good of the Continent and possibly the world.
Yet, if Destiny has to separate Ciri from her parents, kill her family, and burn down Cintra to get her and Geralt together, it will. If it has to magically bind Yennefer's fate, without her having any say in the matter, to Geralt's, so that she can become her surrogate mother and mentor, it will.
And you know, maybe I'm mistaken about Jaskier after all. Maybe Geralt wasn't completely wrong when he blamed the bard for all his problems. If not because of Jaskier, Geralt would never have attended Princess Pavetta's betrothal and invoked the Law of Surprise; if not because of Jaskier, he would never have needed Yennefer's help and he would never have met her and tied their destinies together.
How ironic, to think of Jaskier, the man of choice, as the linchpin of Destiny.
Yes, it's possible that Destiny used him to tighten its coils around Geralt and Ciri and Yennefer, to bring them together, to put all the pieces where they're supposed to be, and then discarded him, like on the mountain, when he was left to sleep during the action, or when his plea to Geralt to see him, to stop being a witcher and choose to break free from his monster hunting, even only for a little while, went unanswered.
But the story is this.
The Witcher and his Child Surprise and the Sorceress will find each other and become a family and defeat together the Evil that threatens the world.
Jaskier's little, reckless, imperfect human love is useless, it serves no purpose in the grand scheme of things. It does not fit whis supposed role in the story - the lovable sidekick, the comic relief, the butt of the joke.
And yet, here we are.
Jaskier looks at Geralt, reaching out to him across the gulf between want and need, choice and fate, offering him the idea, the possibility, that he can be wanted, not just needed, that he can be chosen, not just destined, and that he can exist beyond the boundaries of Fate, asking him to claim some part of his life for himself.
Ultimately, as much as I'd like otherwise, it's very likely that Jaskier's love will always be unrequited, unheard and unseen by the very person that love is directed to.
However, a fight is not less heroic or meaningful because it's against an unbeatable foe.
His love is a small act of defiance against Fate, though not on purpose, a loose thread, a crack in a narrative that has no place for it, a pesky anomaly.
I guess this is why I love Jaskier, and what I feel is his love for Geralt, so much: it's a challenge to try and fight for who we are and we want to be, even if it goes against what the story of our lives is supposed to be; it's the hope that we can choose to go against the current, even if it hurts, even if we may never get a happy ending; that we can get to be more, different, than who the rest of the world tells us we should be.
And this, I think, it's beautiful.
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EDIT: I belatedly realized I accidentally posted what was supposed to be just yet another draft version.
It serves me right for staying up until 2 am fiddling with my smartphone, I guess. Oh well.
Anyway, I decided to fix only a few things and leave it at that, hoping I haven't made too much a fool of myself.
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