#mae's design changed a good amount

[sesamenom]

was looking through some of my old art and found my original feanorion designs (minus parts of curufin and ambarussa)

[realestatehomeinsider]

A Deep Dive into Jumbo Mortgages: Are You Ready to Super-Size Your Home Dreams?

Welcome, mortgage mavens and prospective palace purchasers alike, to a no-nonsense, all-about-jumbo-mortgages prowl! Grab your favorite caffeinated drink, because we're plunging into the deep, sometimes intimidating, and oh-so-fascinating world of jumbo home loans.

What the Heck Is a Jumbo Mortgage Anyway?

You've heard the term bandied about in certain circles – usually the kind where a triple-shot espresso and designer suits are standard issue. But what makes a mortgage "jumbo" and why should you care? Well, strap in, because we're about to reveal a secret that could change the landscape of your home investment strategies.

A Jumbo Mortgage Defined

A jumbo mortgage is like the emperor of loans – it's the big guy, the heavy hitter, the leader in square footage and cost. It's a loan that exceeds the limits set by government-sponsored enterprises Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. If you're looking to purchase a home that exceeds these dollar thresholds, you're officially in jumbo territory.

Who Needs a Jumbo Mortgage?

This isn't just your average Joe's loan. It's for those looking to buy a home that's a slice of heaven, and for whom a regular mortgage just won't cut it. We're talking about high-net-worth individuals, move-up buyers with swanky tastes, and yes, even first-time buyers who dream big.

Navigating the Unknown Waters of Jumbo Domains

Now that you're armed with the knowledge that jumbo mortgages are not, in fact, loans for buying overly large elephants, it's time to get into the nitty-gritty.

Loan Amount Thresholds

What makes a mortgage jumbo?

It's not just the catchphrase; it's the dollar amount. Jumbo loans kick in where conventional mortgages fear to tread, generally starting at $766,550 (but this varies by location), reaching up to several million smackers.

Interest Rates and Terms

With great power comes great interest rates, or so the old adage sort of goes. Jumbo mortgages often have slightly higher rates, given the higher risk to lenders. This isn't always the case, but it's a good rule of thumb. The terms can be more flexible since they don’t fall under the same umbrella as conventional loans.

Note: Just because the house is "jumbo priced" doesn't mean you have to get a Jumbo Mortgage! If the conventional loan limit where you live is $766,550, and you were planning to put down 20%, you could be in a conventional loan still as long as the sales price isn't higher than $958,000. Planning on 25% down? That takes your max sales price to $1,022,000!!

Who Should – and Shouldn't – Take the Jumbo Plunge?

Jumbo mortgages aren't for the faint of heart or the thin of wallet. Yet, they offer opportunities that traditional mortgages cannot.

High-Net-Worth Individuals

For the elite looking to invest in prime real estate, jumbo mortgages could be the golden ticket to property portfolios that make jaws drop – and property values soar.

Move-Up Buyers

You've lived one dream house; now you want your next one. A jumbo mortgage can bridge the abyss between selling your last turreted castle and buying your next one.

First-Time Homebuyers

Wait, what? Yes, jumbo loans can be for first-timers, too. If you're in an area with high property values and this is your genuine home market, a jumbo mortgage might put that white picket fence in arm's reach.

The Art of Nailing the Jumbo Mortgage

The key to harnessing the power of jumbo lending is not just money; it's strategy, collaboration, and approach.

Realtors' Role

For real estate agents, understanding jumbo mortgages is like navigating the off-menu items. It sets them apart as the go-to guides for clients aiming for the stratosphere in home buying.

CPA and Financial Planner Involvement

Bringing in the pros early, think of it as laying the groundwork for a mansion. CPAs are like architects, designing finances to meet crazy (elongated) loan requirements.

Jabbing at the Pros and Cons of Going Jumbo

Here’s the juicy beef – the triple-decker jumbo loan sandwich with extra pickles. (Yes, we’re hungry and using food analogies now.)

Benefits of Jumbo Mortgages

You get the house of your LinkedIn dreams — the kind that gets likes, shares, and possibly an influencer hashtag of its own. Plus, you’ve got more leverage in negotiations when you walk in with a jumbo check for your jumbo loan.

Challenges of Jumbo Mortgages

Like any menu at a Michelin-starred restaurant, the choices can be overwhelming, and the expectations hefty. Jumbo mortgages often come with strict requirements, higher down payments, and a dedicated MRI of your financial health.

Are You Ready to Sign the Jumbo Dotted Line?

Jumbo mortgages aren't the stuff of myths; they are real, often critical vehicles for securing the luxury home of your dreams. Whether you're a seasoned property gazelle, a high-flying entrepreneur with a taste for marble entryways, or a newbie just wanting that life sized Monopoly house, the jumbo mortgage can be your doorway into the next chapter of your residential epic.

Ultimately, the choice to pursue a jumbo mortgage isn't just a numerical decision; it's a lifestyle consideration. It’s about balancing ambitious home aspirations with fiscal responsibility.

Take the plunge into jumbo mortgages like you would a heated pool in your backyard – with preparation and gusto.

And remember, the only thing larger than the loan might just be the feeling of walking into the super-sized house that loan built.

Welcome home to your jumbo-sized life!

[lesbian-magicsings]

1. who are you sourced from? do you have any other sources? aus, other media, and the such?

C!magic, like 3 other au based magics, a!aimsey, Jane prentiss, Melanie king, Agnes Montague

2. do you go by different names and pronouns? feel free to list them!

I use ae/vi/they/he and I use magic, Agnes, moon or flower :3

3. how connected are you to your source? if you have multiple, go rank them!

Ooooh okay that’s hard

C!magic; 6.5/10

A!aimsey; 4.5/10

Jane prentiss; 3.5-7.5/10 depending on the day

Melanie king; 5/10

Agnes Montague; fucking 8/10 send help

4. what is your favorite memory from your source? can be mundane, funny, anything else. you can also list multiple!

Probably just picnics in the maze with ash!! I enjoyed those a lot!!!

5. sexuality or gender wise, what did the other outsiders identify as? anything that heavily deviates from canon?

Oh lord I’m pretty sure most of them were gay. If not all of them. Im pretty sure most of the clearing girls were lesbian minus Graecie who I believe was bisexual :3 Nothing major I don’t think other than like. The au’s I’m sourced from 😭😭

6. anything out of character that you remember? something that feels completely unlike you or that particular person, compared to their canon counterpart.

Loool Owen used to be terrible at navigating and completely get himself lost in the maze. Me also being a bekyakisser post rope incident also is probably out of character but yk what I’m built different

7. the most stupid memory you have? one that's silly or embarrassing.

Falling off of shit. I did that a lot tbh I am not the most physically stable I think I fell of the parkour course more times than you could count 😭😭

8. if you know, what disabilities did you or anyone have?

I know I had autism in that maze. I still do lol. Owen reoccuring had leg problems and used a cane about half of the time I also had a dissociative disorder in that maze istg

9. any small quirks you or the others had? something unimportant that stuck out in your head.

Ayngel tilts her head like a cat when you ask her questions, krow has sharp sharp canines, and it bites. Soup taps her fingers and shoes on any surface she can find, bek could doze off anywhere without any trouble so the others would draw stuff on her, Graecie had flowers braided into her very very messy hair and shed tons.

10. was anyone's design different from their canon counterpart? it can be small, or it can be big!

Ayngel had hugeeee wings and they were very fluffy!! Graecie had brown hair brown eyes and freckles too! Oh ash has freckles in like all my sources I keep forgetting that’s not canon? Her eyes are also a vibrant green z:3

11. was anyone in a romantic or queerplatonic relationship? were there complicated feelings and/or crushes? talk about them!

I fear in at least one of my sources Owen and apo were gay. Anyway i think Graecie and Ayngel dated in one source of mine, they had a whole lesbian pining thing. I also have multiple crushes/weird relationships of my own but we are not going into that for my sake actually!

12. who was your favorite in the clearing? why?

Graecie! Would ash count? She was always my favourite lmao.. I quite liked all the clearing 2 members too!

13. in contrast to the past question, who was your least favorite? why?

… reallly depends. It was bek at some point I think, and Owen and apo.. I think I mostly didn’t mind everyone though

14. if you're from c2, ramble about what you remember of your friends!

Iiii mostly remember Mae to be honest,,, she was very very blonde and had curls and light light freckles you could barely see, she also had a very soothing singing voice! She tended to garden and help me a lot of the time! Her hands always seemed to be dirty and she’d smear them on me so I’d have to change or shower.

15. what do you remember of the maze? were you good with navigation and survival? do you think you can survive in it now?

I could not survive it now (disabled core) but I do have a weird amount of knowledge of the clearing 2 maze in outsiders maps!

16. did you ever try red's alcohol? how was it? would you have it again?

No I did not unless you count the suspicious lemonade </3 being under 18 will do that to you lmao

17. is there something you vividly remember in the clearing or in the maze, that you keep forgetting wasn't actually canon?

More flowers actually, there’s a surprising lack of them on the actual outsiders map! Also I actually swear we had more picnic rugs around

18. how did you shower?

How do you think (Dunking myself fully in the piss pond)

19. if you died, do you regret dying? were there things you wanted to do before then? were you satisfied?

I did not die! I win!

20. lastly, any thoughts on your source? complicated feelings you want to get off your chest? do you appreciate it or not?

She’s such a bitch she’s so me I love her I hate her I want to smack the hell out of her I want to hug her.. I need to throttle her tbh! I have a love hate relationship w c!magic chat if you can’t tell! I appreciate her though thanks for uhm? Making me yearn for basements?

some questions for outsiders smp kins, introjects, and irls!

if you aren't one, you're still free to answer in the context of canon scenes! just skip ones that don't apply.

1. who are you sourced from? do you have any other sources? aus, other media, and the such?

2. do you go by different names and pronouns? feel free to list them!

3. how connected are you to your source? if you have multiple, go rank them!

4. what is your favorite memory from your source? can be mundane, funny, anything else. you can also list multiple!

5. sexuality or gender wise, what did the other outsiders identify as? anything that heavily deviates from canon?

6. anything out of character that you remember? something that feels completely unlike you or that particular person, compared to their canon counterpart.

7. the most stupid memory you have? one that's silly or embarrassing.

8. if you know, what disabilities did you or anyone have?

9. any small quirks you or the others had? something unimportant that stuck out in your head.

10. was anyone's design different from their canon counterpart? it can be small, or it can be big!

11. was anyone in a romantic or queerplatonic relationship? were there complicated feelings and/or crushes? talk about them!

12. who was your favorite in the clearing? why?

13. in contrast to the past question, who was your least favorite? why?

14. if you're from c2, ramble about what you remember of your friends!

15. what do you remember of the maze? were you good with navigation and survival? do you think you can survive in it now?

16. did you ever try red's alcohol? how was it? would you have it again?

17. is there something you vividly remember in the clearing or in the maze, that you keep forgetting wasn't actually canon?

18. how did you shower?

19. if you died, do you regret dying? were there things you wanted to do before then? were you satisfied?

20. lastly, any thoughts on your source? complicated feelings you want to get off your chest? do you appreciate it or not?

[elvesofnoldor]

still reeling at the fact that I died against bone hydra when it literally only had one (1) HP left, I didn’t even see what the boss did that killed me, like i swear i probably i killed it the moment it killed me with an aoe attack. This happened earlier today and It took me an embarrassing amount of time to get back to where I was and beat it for the first time. By then I already met and killed Meg’s two other sisters multiple times. When I finally got to Elysium after that, I made it all the way to the end of the level/biome without ever even meeting patroclus. I met Thanato instead, and for what, I wasn’t there for him. I don’t want anything to do with him, i’m not here for romances. At the beginning of the level, I switched on my achilles keepsake JUST so I could show it to patroclus when I meet him for the first time!! But no, Thanato had to show up instead, and for what, FOR WHAT.  I know npcs like patroclus probably weren’t going to show up the first time you get to an area they are located in, since I only met Eurydice the first time today too and I was at Asphodel multiple time already.  But had the bone hydra not bone me big time the first time I should have been able to kill it, i would have probably gotten to Elysium more than once now, which means I could have met Patroclus already.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hewitts / Pleasant Valley x Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: The Multiverse Theory and the Horror Fandom 

Notes: 

I don't really know what it is, but I enjoyed creating it, so I’m posting it! If I get an idea as to what might happen next, I’ll probably add a part two. 

Its crack

Plot: 

Okay, you are from this universe and you are your Slasher fucker self. But you’re transported from your home, to the universe that the Slashers live in, specifically 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. They capture you of course and decide to keep you.

Now the Hewitt’s have decided to go on a roadtrip and are of course taking you, their hostage, with them.

They end up staying in Pleasant Valley, despite your warnings not to. 

Warnings: Mention of real life people, breaking of the 3rd wall, if you look then there is some hints towards sexual assault cursing. Its comedy though mostly, so its pretty okay

~~~

“We’re lost.”

“No, mama, we not lost. We’re just taking the scenic route… “Hoyt transparently bullshits, looking around completely lost at the surroundings that we pass at a 100 km/h. Nothing but wheat fields and cows as far as the eye can see. Georgia is even more boring then Texas had been.

Luda Mae rolls her eyes, not taking any his shit after 6 hours in the car with him just today. God, I’m on her side. Can we stop somewhere just for a little bit? I mean, I don’t have to pee anymore since I held it for so long that the urge went away, but I’d still like to try because now I feel like I’m going to explode at any time. “So, we’re lost.” She announces, leaving no room for argument.

“Definitely lost… “Monty, in the seat beside me in the back seat of Hoyt’s tiny sheriff car, agrees with his sister, also watching the fields go by moodily. Why didn’t we take the goddamn truck, anyway? I would rather be tied to top of that, then squished back here between Thomas and Monty. I mean, there’s not even any doorhandles in the back here! Why did I have to be in the middle? Its not like I’m going to throw myself out the window! Sometimes I think Hoyt’s paranoid. And I hate him. And his ego’s too big.

Of course, Hoyt snaps back at Monty even though what he said was so mellow. It certainly didn’t have the amount of pent up frustration that Luda Mae’s had behind it. “We ain’t lost, goddamn it- Look! There’s a town. We’ll stop there and ask for directions if you really want. Just to make sure we’re going the right way, which I’m sure we are.” I look up from my hands, bruises all over the wrists from Hoyt and the ropes, and cuts all over the fingers from cooking with Luda Mae… and jagged fingernails from before I gave up. When I was still scratching at the walls and floor and Thomas, wanting to escape this mad family.

My fighting spirit isn’t completely crushed, now… but it has been a while since I screamed for help. I’m waiting for the moment, the right moment to try and escape. Of course, I don’t know if that moment will every come… but I still hope. And that’s something.

Now, looking up out the front window to see the town Hoyt’s talking about, I wonder if this will be the place that I’ll escape in.

Then we rush past the sign and I do a double take.

What did that say?!

I glance at Thomas, my designated warden to see what he’s doing now since he had been sleeping for most of today’s trip- yesterday he had stayed awake and alert, but today it seems that he decided I wasn’t about to crawl over anyone and creep through the window so it was cool to nap,- to see he’s alert, and when I look at him he turns to look at me back. I flash him a fake smile and turn to Monty, because he speaks. And he’s on the right side of the car, so he would have seen the sign.

“Hey, what did that sign say?”

“Why are they talking again?” Hoyt pipes up in the front as we get nearer to the town and I start to feel sick in my stomach. I raise my eyebrows at Monty instead of answering Hoyt’s goad.

Monty shrugs, leaning his back on his hand and looking out the window again. “Uh, Pleasant Valley.”

Oh my god.

It cannot be possible that more then one Horror movie exists in this world… right? I’ve been through enough trauma; I do not need to endure Robert Englund’s trademark craziness- oH, or Bill Mosely’s either. Oh god, - and his band of confederate lunatics. Do not do this to me, universe.

My heart’s beating faster then a bullet train as I wait, still as a statue and straight backed, for any more hints that I am where I think I am.

Thomas watches me with a hard stare, alert and suspicious about my odd change in posture and body language. I try to ignore him, which is of course hard, but I make do.

Then we start to pass people in this town, and they’re men in overalls and women in the most era-incorrect costumes I have ever seen. And they’re smiling and waving at us.

And I feel sick, and sink back into my seat so nobody outside can see me through Monty or Thomas, hopefully.

“Hoyt,” I call, quietly for the ‘sheriff’s’ attention. My voice doesn’t lift even to a normal volume, I’m so scared so he either ignores me or really doesn’t hear me. I try to be louder. “Hoyt!”

“Yes, hostage?”  

“I think we’re going the right way as well; I saw sign on the road a few miles back that said so. We should just keep going.”

“What?!” Luda Mae turns in her seat to look at me furrow her eyebrows- she doesn’t believe me one bit. “What are you doing, slouching in the back like that? Sit up!”

“Are we stopping?”

“Uhh… “She turns to look at Hoyt, and he nods. “Looks like it. About time, too. I need to stretch my legs, and we obviously need those damn directions.”

“We do not need the- “Hoyt sighs, exasperated, then furrows his eyebrows as he focuses on something in front of the car. “What the fuck are these wackos all doing out there in the middle of the road? Get outta my way… “

Mow them over, Hoyt! MOW THEM OVER.

Of course, he slows to a crawl and then a stop, and I thank god that the back windows don’t open, lest I feel any more in danger. If they were open, I definitely would have feared scary ghost cannibals would stick in their hands. As it is, cross my arms and let Hoyt do the talking. Of course, I mean. What else could I do?

I can see full frontal the mess that we’re getting into, which once upon a time in a different world -my world. Oh, how I wish I was there right now, - would have been a good sign. Seeing Kane Hodder, Robert Englund and Lin Shaye and the ‘Guts and Glory Jubilee’ banner would be a sign I’m about to have a good night full of horror movie enjoyment and probably fanfiction as well. But now I see it and I wish to never watch that movie again, much like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise.

Hoyt puts his hand on the car door handle next to him. “No, no, no, don’t get outta the car!” I exclaim, quietly and reaching to grab him back but he looks over at me, gives me a ‘I do what I want’ kind of look and then gets out of the car.

“Good afternoon, sheriff! Welcome to our Guts and Glory Jubilee! You’re our honoured guests!”

Oh, dear god.

Hoyt slams his car door shut and Luda and I wince at the sudden noise. “What the hell are you people doing out here in the middle of the road??! Me and my family are tryna get through here.”

“Aw, my bad sheriff! We’re just so tickled to have you with us this fine day!” Buckman doesn’t seem stirred that Hoyt’s clearly southern, and therefore ‘confederate’, like him, as far as he’s concerned which is what I was hoping for, so I decide to blow this whole situation out of water- I have no choice.

And what, in hell’s name, could I possibly lose at this point?

I lean forward in the car, keeping an eye on the scene, to talk to Luda Mae. “Hey, so this may be a bad time to mention this but, uh.” How do I break this news? “Well, I’m from a different universe. That multiverse noise? That’s real. Anyway, more importantly, I’m from a world in which you and your sons, and Monty, are just movie characters. Your movie is called ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’, Thomas is the Texan Chainsaw guy and he is called Leatherface.” Luda’s slowly turning her head to look at me like have 7 eyeballs. I keep talking through, quickly ad feverishly, desperate. “I know it sounds crazy, and you can ask me any question about ya’ll’s passed if you want as proof but just get your son back in this car please. This place also has its own movie, and its even less pretty then what goes on in your house.” I look pleadingly at her, hoping to God, by some miracle she believes me.

“Sit back down!! I’ve been in a car with 3 sweatin’, stinky men for 6 hours now today and I am in no mood for your stories.” She turns back in her seat. “God.”  

“Oh Jesus, you said it… “ I whine, plopping back down in my seat, looking at Hoyt and Buckman who have now met in front of the car and aren’t yelling at each other across the road and immediately assume the fucking confederate mayor is successfully feeding the fucking fraudulent sheriff’s ego, and drop my face into my hands. A few minutes pass, and I stay like this, occasionally making frustrated crying sounds without really crying, and getting annoyed groans and ‘shut up’s from Monty beside me, until a hit to the car jolts me up. “What! What? What’s happening- are they attacking!?”

Everyone who heard, ignores me and I see it’s just Hoyt coming around the car opening Thomas’ side. Oh god, breeze has neve felt so terrifying. “Come on out, family. We’re stayin’ the night! I can’t tolerate settin’ in this car with you people anymore.” On no. No, no, no. STAYING?

Thomas gets out and Luda Mae follows, opening Monty’s door for him and letting him out onto his wheelchair that Thomas gets out of the trunk for him and unfolds. I cross my arms and stay inside. When Hoyt realises this, he leans down to peer inside the car at me and thrusts a thumb to point behind him. Slowly, menacingly he drawls. “Get out of this car.”

Oh, what is he going to do? What could he possibly do that he hasn’t already done to me.

I stubbornly look away. “You said family, I’m not family. I’m not leaving this car, no way. You can’t make me.”

“You wanna bet, sugar?”

He reaches in, wraps a calloused hand around one of my arms and starts pulling me until I topple out of the car, into the dirt. He lets go of me and immediately slams the car door closed again so I don’t slither back in.

“Fuck.” I mutter, glaring up at him from the floor. He locks the car in front of my eyes.

“Now, when you’re feeling more like an adult and not a child, you can come on to our room- that building over there. “ I feel like running after him when he walks off to the building, but before I can get myself out of the dusty, beige dirt, a hand enters my vision and I follow it up and scream on the inside. Mayor George Fucking Buckman.

He smiles so charmingly… you could nearly believe he isn’t depraved. Then I see the eyepatch and I’m reminded. “Would you let me help you up outta the dirt, little miss?”

Mmmm, I guess.

Best to stay on his good side, I think as I take his hand and he hauls me up. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of one of those glares that the whole town like to take part in with him. Noooo thank you. Not for me.

“Thank you.” I say quickly, looking to get out of there and find the Hewitt’s. They’ve all disappeared into the building Hoyt went towards a moment ago now. I brush the dirt off my pants and then clap my hands off of each other to get rid of the dirt that’s on them now, and any remnants of feeling Buckman’s hand, then flash a tight smile in Buckman’s general direction and escape towards the building.

They have to listen to me!

I burst into the place and see Thomas trailing behind the rest of that devil family down a hallway and run down there. “Thomas!” I pant, because that was a long hallway. Where are we now?! The Overlook hotel!?! “Thomas, what kind of warden are you? Please, don’t you ever leave me alone with that man ever again!” Thomas narrows his eyes suspiciously at me above his normal, leather mask -Luda and Hoyt had decided before we left their murder mansion that the human flesh mask would probably not fly in normal society, so he swapped it in for the old one,- then nods in front of him for me to walk there where can watch, and I gladly go there.

___TIME SKIP: A couple hours later___

All day, I have been trying to persuade the Hewitt’s that I’m not from here. I described Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning in explicit detail, including of course the Sheriff Hoyt thing, the Eric/Dean confusion, Bailey, Monty’s legs being chainsawed off… I even recruited some comic book information about Hoyt’s time in the Prisoner of War Camp and Sargent Chow, but they just think I’m a stalker now.

I mean, why the fuck not? Why wouldn’t I stalk these freaks? Truly, being around them has been a joy filled time.

I don’t throw back at my face that I watched their movies religiously, readers. That’s was when I thought they were fictional! (Yeah, I know you’re there reading this. This sure feels like a fanfiction to me, and as a fangirl, I’m an expert.)

So, I’ve decided I have one more option. One more chance to survive.

Hopefully this doesn’t go worse then plan A did.

Through pretending like the rope around my wrists was too tight when Hoyt tied me up by the hands to his bed frame, when really in truth it was a bit loose, I manage to make him think I’m stuck for the night. So, when he falls asleep – I know he’s asleep because he snores like a feral racoon… that also has rabies… (He drools) – I carefully, quietly, I struggle out of the ropes and carefully put them on the floor. Then turn to the window.

We’re on the second level of this building, but the possibility of a broken bone or two will not deter me from getting out of this mess. Especially since Thomas is waiting in the hallway outside this room for any sign of me trying to escape and getting hurt from falling out of a window is much preferred to meeting the business end of his chainsaw.

Not that I’ll be out of danger when I get out… as I’ll still be in Pleasant Valley… but I will have completed Level 1 at least.

Opening the window, I wince and look back at Hoyt to make sure the gentle rubbing sound the window makes against the frame doesn’t wake him, then turn back and immediately get to crawling out. Once I have succeeded in getting onto the ledge I hold on to the gutter - hoping beyond hope that it’s sturdy, - and reclose the blinds and push the window closed as well again. Covering my tracks.

Then I start the perilous journey down the building, which somehow, I succeed in! When I finally drop down on the dirt again and turn around though, I nearly out loud this time. “Miss Shaye! -“I stop myself, making an ‘Oop’ sound. You would think I would stop making these mistakes- I have been tortured and keep prisoner by the Hewitt family. Certainly not the late R. Lee. Ermey or Andrew Bryniarski either. The Hewitt’s. - But alas, I am still making this mistake apparently. “Sorry, you remind me of someone else!” I smile at Granny Boone, who must have been standing there watching the whole time I conquered the hotel building, stands with her hands on her hips and one eyebrow purposely halfway up her forward. She’s waiting for an explanation. “I didn’t want to wake up my family, and its time for the midnight stroll. Couldn’t sleep!”

My heartbeat races in my chest, because I have every confidence that this woman could kill me with her bare hands if she doesn’t like my answer. For a few moments, she makes me wait as she does looks at me suspiciously like Thomas. Oh god, are you going to eat me or not, ghost lady!?

“Oh, well that’s very considerate of you! Could I join you on your walk? I’m in the same boat.”

Oh, for fudges sake.

I smile politely though, and we start walking side by side down the middle of town. Silence hangs between us, but as we walk, I start to think this could work. I was planning on finding Buckman and telling him my story to see if he would believe me and do something because this whole town is supernatural and hard to believe, but I actually think this may have worked out in my favour! Maybe. He’s a sexist, chauvinistic bigot. But at the very least Boone’s a woman like me, with less of a boner for authority so hopefully she’ll at least listen. So… maybe…?

“So… “I start, sounding loud since it’s so quiet out here. “Can we talk? Woman to woman? I don’t know, you just seem trustworthy!” Oh, puke. What am I saying? “Sorry if I’m out of line, but… something crazy’s going on in my life.”

“Oh, trust me. I know crazy.” I side eye her as she smirks ‘mysteriously’. Oh, I know you know crazy, lady. I know. I know it all. You know crazy intimately. “Uh but go on. Sure thing. What kind of good Christian lady would I be if I didn’t bend an ear to our esteemed special guests?”

… Uhuh.

Well, okay! Works for me. “Thank you.” I clap my hands together. “Well. It started a month ago now, I guess… Haven’t really been able to keep up with time. First, I should probably explain the multiverse theory…”

[linae-isle]

ACNH Guide by an AC Newbie

Planning / Decorating Your Island

you might see a lot not to worry about placement of houses or buildings because you can change it later. while this is true, moving things is expensive and takes a LOT of time. so at least try to space them in a way that isn’t too cluttered (a good rule of thumb is don’t stick everything behind/right next to resident services unless you want it to be there a WHILE

getting a 5 star island doesn’t require placing random objects everywhere. i got mine by accident just by creating little hang out areas and cute spots for fun. so take your time and build your island the way you want!

it is easy to get overwhelmed looking at all the aesthetic island posts online which makes it harder to focus on what YOU want. a good starting place is to pick a general feel for your island. are you wanting more of a natural, spread out feel? a modern, urban getaway? a super tropical paradise? a fandom-based escape? keeping a general idea in mind can help when decorating.

Harvesting Materials / Getting Items

when harvesting materials, dig three holes behind you when hitting rocks to get 6-8 materials in stead of three. you can shake trees indefinitely for branches.

every day you can harvest 3 bundles of wood from each tree, up to 9 materials from each rock, find one DIY bottle on the beach, 4 fossils, and shake 1-2 items from trees.

when shaking trees for items or branches, always stand directly in front of the tree with a net equipped. if a wasp nest falls out, your villager will automatically face it with a look of terror. click a and you should catch them with no stings ^u^

additionally, you can always get extra materials going on nook miles tours. you also have the chance to shake out an extra item on the island from trees without fruit.

be careful shooting down balloons over flowers/highly decorate areas. if there is no open square (with no flowers, furniture, etc) for the present to land on, it will glitch and disappear. 

you can always buy new items/clothing from nook’s cranny and able sisters. nook’s cranny closes at 10 p.m. and able sisters closes at 9 p.m.

if you want duplicates of items you’ve already had, order up to 5 of them using the terminal in customer services.

***specific note, you have to register songs for radios, cassette players, etc. i honestly thought this meant finding a way to transfer real songs but NOPE. there are adorable K.K. tracks you can buy each day from the terminal under nook shopping. it’s always at the bottom for special items.

Villagers

there are 8 personalities for villagers. 

females: normal, sisterly, snooty, and peppy

males: lazy, cranky, smug, and jock

everyone starts with a combination of sisterly and jock.

when you eventually get to search for villagers, feel free to be a little picky. find ones you vibe with. i didn’t realize that there are over 400 potential friends out there when i first started looking.

it fun to see how different personalities interact, so i do recommend giving all of them a try. but find your own balance that fits you. love the jocks? get 7! want all normals? do it! can’t stand peps? it’s ok!

don’t ask nook to sell plots of land UNLESS you have the nook miles to get plenty of tickets to fill them. otherwise, the house will automatically be sold to a random villager the next day. (or, if you like to have fate pick for you, go wild and sell as many as you want!)

coaxing a villager to move out doesn’t have to be cruel. i honestly can’t smack my little animal friends with nets and the posts calling them ugly or trapping them in cages or fences makes me sad. just don’t talk to them often and they’ll decide to go when they’re ready. 

alternatively, you can get villagers to leave via amiibo or camper. my understanding is with amiibos you can pick who you want to leave. with campers, they pick a random villager to go talk to. if you wanted a different animal to move out, press the home button on your switch, then close the game by clicking x. you might lose a bit of saved time, but should be able to speak with the camper again to try for a different villager. 

Being a Good Friend

want your villager to know how much you love them? talk to them every day.

after a few days, you will unlock the option to give them a gift. i love giving mine clothing. note, for the most part villagers cannot wear pants, socks, or shoes. so i wouldn’t recommend them as gifts, though your villagers will still appreciate the thought

send letters. in the airport there is a letter kiosk. you can send a note to your villagers with a gift each day. 

DIYS

at first, you can get large amounts of DIYs by attending nook’s workshops and buying DIY packs at nook’s cranny. soon, there will be no more packs to buy, in which case you can get new DIYs the following ways

bottled messages wash up on the beach once each day

shooting down balloons

Several villagers each day will be using their DIY bench at home. speak to them to receive the recipe for what they are making

when visiting mystery islands, bottled messages can wash up on shore. it doesn’t happen every time

Making Money

catching bugs and fish can bring in lots of bells! however, some are worth way more than others. looking up a guide for prices isn’t a bad idea, but it’s your call!

ALSO! there are npcs called flick and cj who buy bugs and fish respectively at higher rates. if you have the storage or don’t mind a mountain of tanks and cages, you can save your critters for these visitors. just keep in mind it might be a while between visits.

hunting and fishing not your thing? try being a DIY guru. gather materials and go crazy. build a ton of stuff and sell it to the nooklings for profit

blathers already has the fossils you dug up today? sell the duplicate fossils for a nice payday. 

play the stalk market to try and make bank! every sunday daisy mae visits til 12 p.m. to sell turnips. buy as many as you can and sell them when the prices go up. note, you do risk losing money as prices won’t always be in your favor. additionally, if you keep the turnips til the next sunday they will rot.

Having Fun

do it your way. really. that’s the advice. you might prefer to spend all day harvesting and fishing. that’s so cool. you might prefer to build endless projects and redecorate every day. completely valid. maybe you just wanna chill with your animal friends and aren’t in any hurry to decorate. that’s an amazing plan!

that said, here are some things to do if you aren’t sure where to start.

place a radio next to the plaza. enjoy listening to your villagers sing.

follow a villager throughout the day to catch them napping, chasing bugs, snacking, and otherwise being adorable

look at the nook miles+ tasks for the day and complete them all

look at your DIY catalog and build an area based on what you have. parks, restaurants, cafes, and item stalls tend to be easiest at the beginning and you can always change it later if it no longer fits

visit your museum exhibits and really take your time. it is a very soothing place

try your hand at designing your own outfit using a custom design

if you have nintendo online, visit a friend’s island and play hide and seek, buried treasure, or have a fashion show!

If any other players have advice to add, please reblog or reply so I can edit and add to the list! Thanks for reading!

[itsrainingsimmies]

Sim Dump 1 - Downtown Residents - Mostly Just Missing Parents

The goodies are under the cut!

Hello all! This is my first-ish post on this blog (I posted like 4 things several years ago but abandoned the blog but now I’m back). This is a sim dump of some sims I made for my EAxis Uberhood’s Downtown! All of them have stories that tie into my Tricou family headcanon but you can now download them and use them in your neighborhoods as playables, or make them townies (or Downtownies ofc)! There’s 11 sims in total!

These sims will look different from the preview pics because I packaged them with all in-game content and have default replacement face templates that vary a lot from the fugly EAxis face templates. (I have defaults for hair and clothing and skin and eyes too but that shouldn’t be a problem.)

(unrelated side note: ALWAYS use Clean Installer to install sims 2 packs because the default installer that comes with the game is awful and much like the sims 3 launcher can ruin your game if something goes wrong, which if it can it likely will.)

You will almost certainly need a set of non-default face templates by isbrealiomcaife for most of these sims, The preview pictures for the templates don’t show up anymore but the downloads still work! I also cannot narrow it down to specific templates but I recommend you download all of them anyway, because they are wonderful! 

Update: you do not NEED the templates, I still recommend them (that is if these links even still work) but they are not necessary, the sims will look fine without them. 

anyway! onto the previews and of course, the downloads! (I apologize for the shitty bodyshop previews that the background changes in halfway through, but I’m trying to get this post up in a reasonable amount of time). Feel free to change any names or do with the sims whatever you please as long as you follow my TOU! Scroll past the previews for download links at the bottom of the post!

Sim 1 - Odelia Neengia

Sim 2 - Antoine Neengia

I think it’s pretty self-explanatory that I created Odelia and Antoine as parents of Rainelle Neengia who is a teen in my game, but obviously you can use them for your own purposes!

Sim 3 - Mae Ayers

Mae here was created to be the missing parent of Swan and Patrick Teens/Tricou, two of Jon Smith (Johnathan) Tricou’s illegitimate children. Again you can use her for your own purposes though! (also stay tuned for the next sim dump that will contain genetically corrected versions of all of the Tricou Downtownie Teens and a genetically corrected version of Rainelle)

Sim 4 - Jacqueline Ellington

Jackie here was created to be the missing parent of Tiave Teens/Tricou! Because who decided to let 6 parent-less teens run around the big city anyway?!

Sim 5 - Lorraine Adams

Lorraine was, you guessed it, designed to be the missing parent of Loren Teens/Tricou (no the names weren’t intentional it just turned out that way!)

Sim 6 - Anna Marinos

You’re getting good if you guessed that Anna here was created to be the missing parent of Orion Teens/Tricou!

Sim 7 - Alyssa Arrington

And I promise Alyssa here is the final missing parent sim in this dump! Alyssa was created to be the missing parent of Kestrel Teens/Tricou! (Also none of her coloring matches up to Kestrel because I am going to give Alyssa here recessive genes to match up with Kestrel)

Sim 8 - Sagan Anima

Finally another male sim! and boy is he a beautiful one if I do say so myself! He’d make a great baby daddy lmao. Anyway! He also uses the “elf” face template so he’s clearly not human! (he is a human sim but that’s because his lifestate does not exist in ts2, and even if it did it would have wings and that’s not ideal)

Sim 9 - Moira Anima

Moira here also uses the elf template as you can maybe sorta tell from her ears! She was created to be Sagan’s wife, And I’m excited to play them so I can see what their children will look like!

Sim 10 - Elysium Kingston

Elys here looks really good with piercings btw! and that’s about all there is to say about her....

Sim 11 - Kane Kingston

Kane is Elysium’s husband. They have a really cute toddler daughter in my game! Kane is the sim out of these two that is actually involved in my headcanon for the Tricou family. Elys is just an innocent third-party.

These aren’t required but if you want the full range of skintones that are on these sims I recommend you download these geneticized skins by Vidcunds I also use the default replacement version of this skin for the regular EAxis skins!

And most of the makeup pictured on these sims is by Lilith (Not all of it, just most of it, however none of it is included)

Anyway! Here are the DL links!

Mediafire: Pick N Choose

Dropbox: Pick N Choose

Let me know if the links don’t work or don’t allow you to download the files!

Have a nice day!

[partly-cloudyskies]

1, 12, 16, 18 + one I didnt pick but you secretly want to talk about

This has run long so I’m putting it under a break. Some thought about my current writing projects, an old abandoned project and, uh, word counts below!

1) Welp I got three WIPs:

This is How We Grow: My first real attempt to fully commit to the heightened romance and emotion of an idealized pastoral setting but sometimes there are shadow monsters plus this also acts as an excuse to see more of Soup’s weblena art.

The Longest Shadows: A future fic where Lena becomes a badass shadow witch and Webby learns that the McDuck legacy is a complicated thing rather than the unalloyed good that she unthinkingly embraced as a youth (Yeah how you doin season 3).

The Glass Factory: A Maebea NITW AU where Mae and Bea find and cling to each other out of a shared sense of alienation as they bear witness to an economically depressed city in its final moments before the shockwave of gentrification turns it into something unrecognizable and hostile (YES I’m still working on it!!)

12) A dumb line from an old WIP... there are so many abandoned projects that are like, two chapters and then a separate file full of quotes that I thought were cool and then I never looked back on them again. I’m sure those hold up. Let me check my old writings folder...

OH NO. I have it and I hate it but I’m going to post it anyway:

Detta rises over the Blackfuse mercenary as he struggled with the debris crushing him. Short even for a goblin, she looms over him like a Titan contemplating the fleeting life of mortals. She raises one hand, closed in a fist that sparks and howls with the wind.

“I’m gonna put a hurricane in your skull. See what it does to your brain.”

FOR CONTEXT, this is an old WIP from, like, 2016. It was a World of Warcraft fic that I REALLY wanted to write. It took place during the Panderia campaign and was set entirely in Bilgewater Harbor, an island city of goblins that is almost entirely empty in-game but I always liked its chaotic design. It was about Detta, a goblin Shaman who had given up adventuring and became a freelance problem solver in Bilgewater. She had a Storm Elemental she named Dizzy who she used as a secretary. One day Korkron troopers loyal to Hellscream bursts into her office and tells her they want to hire her to track down a criminal. Tozz, one of the troopers, is assigned to stay with her to make sure she stays on task. Eventually they would find the criminal only to learn he’s a Twilight’s Hammer cultist who had been in Orgrimmar instructing Hellscream’s forces on the secrets of Dark Shamanism and Hellscream was hiding this by killing everyone involved. You can take it from me that it was VERY lore compliant while filling in the spaces that the game devs had left CRIMINALLY underdeveloped and was going to be a dramatic story in the vein of film noir, with intrigue and divided loyalties and shifting motivations all on the eve of war and rebellion and WoW DESERVED to have better story than it did and you know what I’ve decided that is actually a brilliant line and I am PROUD of it and --

You get the picture. Next question!

16) Hm... this is a question that I don’t really have an answer for because all worldbuilding is good worldbuilding if you ask me. I think the thing about worldbuilding is that a good 90% of it doesn’t make it to the page and we kind of struggle with that because if you have all this research material then you might feel compelled to splash it all out on the page so you’d have something to show for all the time you spent. But that’s not what it’s for, it’s so that you have something to refer to when you need it. It’s the big part of the iceberg no one else gets to see. So maps? Spreadsheets? Research? None of it is ridiculous. All of it is good.

I guess the most of it I’ve ever done was for the novel that I wrote. I had a lot of material for that. I drew a map and I even tried to keep it to scale by sketching it out using travel route lines in Google Maps. I guess that is a little ridiculous, but I’ve no regrets.

18) I hate title and I don’t really spend much time on them. I certainly don’t keep track of how many titles I come up with before settling on one. I tend to be direct, I think.

Glass Factory is called Glass Factory because there’s a glass factory in NITW and my story takes place in an art studio. There’s an art studio in Alexandria called the Torpedo Factory, and that and its surroundings is what inspired that story, so Glass Factory. ez.

Longest Shadows is about legacy, the shadows cast by Scrooge and Magica and how Webby and Lena fall under those shadows. Plus it’s Lena so there’s almost a 100% chance any story with her has some kind of shadow reference in the title. So that’s that.

This is How We Grow was probably the most agonizing of my recent WIPs in terms of title. I think it’s a little clunky. But it’s about the two main characters growing and it’s... there’s farming. Plants grow. So... uh, that’s it. I might not be a huge fan of the title but I’ve never considered changing it. Never look back, when it comes to titles. That’s my motto.

Now for a question of my choosing...

14) I can knock out 500 words pretty easily on a good day, like on a real good day I can do a 1000 in half an hour. I’ve had times where I got an idea in the morning, wrote 2000 words about it, edited it by lunch and posted it by evening. But good days are few and far between and mostly I just put in a paragraph or two where I can.

I used to be very obsessive about word count. Like, I still look at it today but now it’s just like “oh, that’s how many words are in this file, okay”, but years ago I practically lived by it. I think part of it was me chasing that NaNoWriMo dragon, which was something I used to be pretty focused on. Now that I’m older I wonder if NaNoWriMo actually helps or does more to hurt aspiring writers. I mean, it’s not like there’s any external consequences to falling short but when you’re young and you’re looking to commit yourself to something, it sucks real hard when you inevitably fall short and it can be discouraging.

These days I’m more in a “what’s important is that you’ve written something” frame of mind. It doesn’t matter if it’s four pages or it’s literally a single word. I’ve had single word days. And it’s okay! It’s okay to write a single word. Progress is progress, when it comes to writing. Now, if I look at the word count, it’s because a chapter I’m in is running longer than I would have liked and maybe I should consider splitting it in two or something because I am the kind of person who likes the idea of a uniform amount of words per paragraph thank you very much. Beyond that, I don’t pay word count much mind and I think I’m a happier writer for it.

So yeah!

[bealect]

Gun, Glory, and Sad Ending

If you are a kdrama addict, you would know in what kdrama the title is all about or maybe, it's a familiar phrase you heard to someone. The title itself basically the summarize of the entire concept of a hit South Korean Drama of 2018 - Mr. Sunshine.

I am writing this article after finishing the series, the feeling of pain, and how I cried a bucket of tears - emotions rushes throughout my body. I'll tell you that Mr. Sunshine is most heartwrenching and a satisfying ending for me out of all kdramas I've watched. This is a kdrama that you shouldn't miss.

This is not the first time I cried watching kdramas but this is the first time I felt that it needs to be broadcasted (posted here) - kdramas may be fictional, but you can't deny the fact that it influence you mentally. How you viewed things may differ from one another but it teaches you to understand them in any way you can.

So before it goes south in what I am supposed to talk about (lol), let me introduce to you the main casts, what I love about them, their characters and how it makes me realize many things. I'll try my best not to make a slight mistake. ( NO SPOILER)

• Eugene Choi's character in the story is commendable, serious, and courageous man. He is the epitome of a great and noble man who was born in Joseon, leave in Joseon with a broken heart, then returned to his homeland to fight for what it supposedly for Joseon. He is a man with a heart, action, and dedication to save his homeland that was once abandoned him. This man made me realize that at the end of the day, we go through different routes but one thing remains, the affection we feel towards someone or something. It's just there, always there, it may not be so bloom, and bright right now, but it will, someday.

• Go Ae Shin's character is impactful that it made me think the situation of women during the war of every nations. To wield a sword is a hard task, and a woman. However, she debunk that culture in the story. Who would've thought that a noble woman can kill an enemy, can change the future of Joseon? She protects the people of Joseon especially those people who can't voice their opinions, as she thought that no one in her homeland can protect them against Japanese and Americans but only their fellow citizens. Her character and her story is a reminder for us that women can also lead, women can also be the future of something a country should be proud, women can also do what men can do. Women can be dangerous too, always remember that.

• Gu Dong Mae is a powerful, skillful, and fearless one. He don't want anyone to go on his way. He doesn't hesitate to kill - either a Joseon man, or a Japanese man, a soldier or a highborn man as long as they did something wrong. I didn't know that I will fall in love with Gu Dong Mae's charisma. A coldhearted beast yet a protective man to people he loves. He don't usually shows his emotions, but once you'll see it, it will strike you directly to your heart - happiness, distress, and sufferings. He made realize that no matter how evil a person is, there was once a 'good' heart there. It is just buried deep through time, and it takes also time to burst it out in the chest.

• Hina Kudo's character is an independent woman and a remarkable one, she suffered a lot but she stand without the help of anyone and that's what makes her great. She was born in Japan, but both of her parents are Joseon people. She used her amazing skills in calculating, deducting clues, and even one of the people who are the most trusted by the king. At first sight, she seems coldhearted but never judge her just because of that - in the back of that name, fancy clothes and accessories, there's 'her' that can be a huge help for a great cause. She made me realize that don't allow everyone to spit you in the ground, stand, know your track, and get back on them if the opportunity allows you.

• Kim Hui Seong's character development in the story is a really good one. From a man who always have a flowers in his hand, to a pen, turned into a gun. From a noble family and yet he choose to live independently far from his parents. He suffers from what happened in the past and yet he also show his killer smile to everyone. He's a happy-go-lucky man but he knows where and when to be serious. What I realized from his character is that you may have everything physically but there's always that emptiness mentally. Do what makes you happy and influence others to be filled with happiness also.

Mr. Sunshine has a lot of characters from American Legation, Japanese Legation, the people of Joseon, the Righteous Armys, and their families. Each one of the characters aren't there just to give exposure to the main characters, they are designed to achieve a greater cause in the future of Joseon. Each characters has a story to tell and it makes Mr. Sunshine exquisite and a classic kdrama you should not miss.

~

~ my favorite quotations ~

"The steps we took resembled who we are. The one wrote an article instead of a will. Opium that burned through one's broken body in the amount of the life he had left. The korean flag that was given to a man who was a forever a foreigner. Will our final destination be somewhere between glory and a sad ending?"

- Righteous Army (Joseon)

"It's not that only glorious days become history. We know we'll lose and that we won't last long with these weapons, but we must fight. We'll fight and show them that we were here. And that we were afraid, but we fought to the end."

- Choi Eugene, Go Dong Mae, and Kim Hui Seong

~

Gun, Glory, and Sad Ending is not just a word, not just a phrase, not just about a kdrama. This whole thing is all about the freedom they want to achieve on their homeland. These three are the weapon, the fulfillment, and mostly the ending of every nations that were colonized. (Joseon in Mr. Sunshine)

Gun as weapons to fight for what is yours. A great fight for the future. A weapons that could be the death of your enemy or your death.

Glory as a sense of fulfillment. The fact that you are fighting for your country's liberation means you are a hero. Fulfillment is not about you indulge yourself for something, alone. It's all about the great camaraderie you have with people.

Sad Ending as an ending we ought to be in that kind of story. In a war, there's always the one who wins, and the one who lose. The sad part is hundredths or thousandths of lives are at stake everytime. Either you will die fighting for your own people or you will die in the hands of your enemy without even using the GUN as a weapon and the sense of GLORY you'd bring in the future for your country.

[btscreatorscorner]

Project Summary: Travel with a few members of the team here at BCC as they sit around a bonfire and reminisce on the days of summer. We will tell you interesting stories about tales that may be a little exaggerated about the members of a group of 7 guys that we have come to love. 

Links to stories and edits will be added as they are posted!! We will reblog the stories and edits as well~ We hope you enjoy!

Seeing each other was honestly a dream. It felt surreal to be able to meet up and camp with so many people from an online network, and they were smiling and laughing as they talked in person (some for the first time ever). The lulling sounds of the ocean waves became a white noise to everyone as they set up their tents and gathered firewood. They were having so much fun talking together that time had passed quickly, evening fast approaching and the sun sinking into the horizon creating a sea of colors in the sky. The sight was truly breathtaking. 

Simi’s and Lillia’s eyes locked onto the waving group down the beach. “Welcome everyone,” Alexis smiled as she returned to the campsite after scoping out the beach. 

“Hey Alexis! How’s the beach look? Any shark teeth?” Lillia asked, returning to chopping onions in preparation for dinner.

"You say that like she'd know. Are we forgetting that she's the ‘blind’ one?" Simi replied, snickering at Alexis's squint.

From the small crowd gathering on the beach came a range of different accents. Some were easily pinpointed and others a little more difficult to locate. Lillia continued guiding everyone down to the beach, within the group was a small and rather tired Jester with a large bag. Situated at the bottom of her bag was some sort of rolled up bedding.

“Excuse me, sorry I’m late, airport customs tried to steal my Vegemite” Jester called, eyes gazing straight past Simi’s shoulder. With no hesitation she dropped her luggage in the sand, kicked off her shoes and sprinted towards the ocean.  

Halting mere inches from the water, she teetered, waving her hands and trying not to topple into the surf from her abrupt stop. 

“Almost jumped in with my phone and your American paper dollarydoos” she shouted, racing back to the group. 

Jester proceeded to empty out her pockets, dumping twenty and fifty dollar notes and her phone into her shoes and running full pelt back to the water. With a warrior cry, she dove into the ocean causing quite the splash before the water stilled ominously.  

There was no sign of her — had she disappeared? An alarming amount of time went by and the group shuffled nervously before she breached with all the elegance of a blue whale gasping and flopping onto her side. 

A few of the others joined Jester whooping as they splashed into the water, others set to tasks they thought were a little more pressing, like designating tents. 

With what little sun they had left, they had managed to hold a few fun activities and lots of conversations.

As the sun finally set the sweet cotton candy colors in the sky darkened and from its depths emerged twinkling lights, the mood changed along with it. Food was tossed on the grill, the inferno causing the aroma to fill the beach. Everyone’s mouth was watering, excited to finally dig in. 

Simi was trying to organize gluten-free buns on one side and regular on the other. “The veggie burgers have finished. I cooked them on their own so it’s all good. I’m about to cook the meat patties — last call for meat-free grilling” Lillia called to the group with a bright smile, expertly flipping the spatula in her hand and getting back to work when there were no complaints.

The large group slowly began making themselves plates of food and once everyone was situated, the group was silent for a brief moment before Alexis decided to strike up some conversation. 

“...I think that would be a great idea, don’t you guys think?” 

The sounds of wood crackling could be heard in the background. Sepha watched as the smoke turned into the black of the burning wood and then to the fire-y orange and undertones of red. It had only turned out that way when she watched as one of the women drizzled more fluid over the fire. 

Looking to her left, she saw a welcoming smile and couldn’t help but feel guilty for not hearing the rest of what had been said.

“Sorry?” Sepha asked, watching as the rest of the group surrounding the fire laughed at her in confusion. 

“What kind of scary stories are you into? You know… typical gory types or mystery, maybe romance—” Lillia repeated emphasizing the last genre. 

“Murder mysteries are the most interesting…” At this, Amunet smiled at Sepha’s response and she couldn’t help but return it. 

“I like romance! You know the ones where people just go camping to see the stars, and the moonlight and it just smells like chocolate and marshmallows.” All eyes followed the light voice which sounded across the fire, belonging to none other than Kyub. Gabi couldn’t help but share a hopeless shrug with Sepha, who poked at the fire with her long stick. 

The fire gave a loud crackle, “Sounds nice...but with this kind of night when there’s no moon and just the sound of nature around you — it kind of makes you want to tell scary stories for the fun of it.” Alexis seemed to agree to Sepha’s last sentiment and continued roasting the marshmallow. 

“You’re right, though. Just darkness and nature, makes me think of murder.” Bubbles started up again which only earned a dry chuckle from across the circle. 

Mae spoke up for the first time, saying “morbid, but sure, what the hell” as she fidgeted with her own stick, apparently inventing something the campers could only assume was a s’more kebab. She seemed to struggle immensely considering the graham crackers didn’t have any holes in them for her stick. But they all watched, intrigued, as Mae continued stacking: cracker, marshmallow, chocolate, cracker, marshmallow, chocolate, cracker—

“What are you doing?” This time, the voice came from just outside the circle, Amunet was returning from her tent wearing a thick navy blue pullover sweater. She was looking at Mae’s invention with an arch to her brow but otherwise unphased. 

“What does it look like?” retorted Mae,  gently waving the kebab around for everyone to see which earned a couple of laughs from everyone as a graham cracker broke off. Mae’s resulting cursing drew even more laughs. 

Lillia began to clap, “A’ight! Let’s start with some stories eh?” She looked around, giving everyone her signature friendly smile before settling on Sepha. “I think you should start some things off Seph, with you know, all that murder mystery enthusiasm you have.” 

“Huh?” She was caught off guard, looking to see everyone anticipating eyes had fallen upon her and when she looked around the waiting company, she could see Kyub giving a soft encouraging smile. The nervous laugh bubbled out of Sepha's lips before she could stop it, and with a scuff of her feet against the sandy ground she was ready. 

“I-um—you guys ever hear that phrase,” The cautionary pause gave Sepha time to think it over, “You ain’t Jiving man?” There was a quick shake of Bubbles’ head to her far left.

“I have no idea what that means.” Jester hummed stabbing at least twelve marshmallows with a long skewer-like-stick. Another culinary mad genius. 

“It’s from the 70s, all that slang shit. Supposed to mean: ‘Is that the truth?’ Or at least the equivalent to it.” That earned hums all around as Sepha licked her lips, wondering how to start off her story. Mae and Jester smiled encouragingly as Sepha shook her head to focus herself before diving in. 

“Well, that phrase kind of relates to this story...at least kind of...maybe...I don’t know,” Sepha watched as Mae grabbed at the remains of a broken graham cracker, her frustration obvious enough in the way she picked at the pieces but it only earned her a cheeky smile from Bubbles who was right next to her. “I’m sure you guys heard of the case of Ted Bundy right? You know, infamous serial killer.” 

“He was fucking insane and not even handsome. I don’t even know what girls saw in him during that time.” As she spoke, Jester’s face twisted like she had bitten into a lemon and all Sepha could do was nod in agreement. She watched the fire again, poking at it and watching the ash burn up to the surface. 

“Well...I’m gonna tell a survivor story. Her name was Carol DaRonch, one of Bundy’s survivors and—”

“We should call her Katie! For, you know, copyright reasons.” This time the voice belonged to Bubbles; it was soft but managed to grab everyone’s attention in time before they could all fully dive into the story. At her suggestion, Sepha nodded and chuckled, poking at the fire once more, sending an array of sparkle-like embers into the night sky. She quickly moved the toe of her boot just enough to not get any of the burnt ash on it. 

Sepha nodded vigorously again and continued.

“Yeah...yeah let’s call her Katie…” she licked her lips once more and looked up to see the dark depths of the night sky there wasn’t a cloud in sight. When the group stared at the fire they could almost hear the sound of Marvin Gaye. The campers could feel the heat wash over them, in a way that reflected the heat of Florida. 

“It was a college party...in the summer of 1974….” 

“Okay, well that was dark. Interesting, but dark. I like it.” Mae had shifted from her seat on a log onto the dirt beneath, slumping with her back against the bark lethargically. Others nodded in agreement.

“Shall we lighten the mood with a happier story?” Bubbles asked, lifting her hands to warm them above the lively fire. It was quiet for a second before Mae spoke up again.

“I have one.” She changed her posture to sit slightly straighter when all eyes were on her. “It’s about a couple that got turned into fairies while camping in the woods one summer night.”

“Is that a drug reference?” Lillia raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“No.” Mae frowned.

“Knowing you, ‘turning into fairies’ could mean anything.” Lillia shrugged, earning chuckles from the group. The fire crackled just as Mae sent a sharp glare at the woman, but her lips betrayed her as they began to curl upwards at the teasing.

“My story has nothing to do with drugs— but it does involve magic.” This caught the attention of the crowd. “Did you know that fairies occupy many wooded areas around the world? Yeah, they tend to hide from humans, but in desperate times they can use their powers to recruit our help, just as they did last summer. 

“It happened somewhere in the Rocky Mountains in August of last year…”

Those scattered around the fire were left captivated by the fantastical tail Mae had spun. They had even paused from their s’more-making escapades, each slowly contemplating the idea of fairies. Some eyed the surrounding area outside the camp, others picked up where they left off preparing more marshmallows for their delicious dessert endeavors. In amongst the slowly roasting marshmallows was one completely engorged in flames. 

“Uh, Jester your marshmallow is on fire?” 

“Yup, that’s how I like them” She grinned brightly with green eyes sparkling full of mischief as she blew out the fireball that had encased the blackened crispy confectionary that once resembled a marshmallow. She shoved it into her mouth and shouted “My turn!”

“I have a good one.” Jester’s sharp grin seemed to be hiding something. “Hold onto your hats, this one is from my trip to Greece. You must always be careful when you travel to another country because anything can happen.

“It started in Mykonos...”

“And that’s what happens when you meet strangers in another country. I should have learned from the first two times I went overseas” Jester shrugged “Wild stuff, though”

“Actually no” Gabi interjected, pointing her finger in a pause gesture while she collected her thoughts. 

“Nope” Kyub’s eyes were wide; she blinked, once, twice in disbelief. Before she shook her head as if trying to rattle the thoughts back into place.

“That’s famously not what happens when you meet strangers in another country” Gabi continued her thought with a small sound of concern. 

“Yeah, I’m with them — that is most definitely not what happens.” Sepha laughed as Jester looked up confused. “Most people don’t go home with strangers, though, so I guess you could be right.”

“I mean yeah, that one was my bad I guess” Jester laughed.

“Who’s next?” Amunet asked excitedly, wishing to listen to more of the nightly stories.

Kyub looked a little nervous but after taking a deep breath she was determined to unleash her summer tale by way of pictures on her phone. “Mine isn’t exactly a story, I have some photos that I took over the summer that I think really tell a story. It was in a cemetery” her voice was sweet and gentle. 

“We would love to see!” Alexis smiled reassuring the young girl. Everyone seemed intrigued by the idea of the photos and how they would tell the story.

“It’s up to interpretation...”

“That is amazing, how did that even happen?” 

“You know the saying, ‘a picture is worth one thousand words’ and you have two” Jester grinned “like he is keeping the flowers a secret or like the flowers are something he loves and cherishes but keeps hidden.” Other voices chimed in:

“It feels so sad.”

“It feels so jarring that the colour is stripped away.”

“I like to think the first image is kinda, like, wistful or reminiscing and then when he looks down it is the reality.”

The entire camp seemed hit with raw emotion. There was a collective look of disbelief and someone sighed “That is so well done.”

Everyone had finished their stories and games for the evening and numbers started dwindling as the late hour took the sleepy camp goer’s. They all were settling for the evening, tents and sleeping bags rustling in the background alongside the occasional giggle, whisper and yawn.

Rolling out the khaki green bedroll, was Jester looking small in the contrasting light from the fire and shadow from the night. 

“Jester, where are you sleeping, do you wanna share a tent?” Gabi asked, deciding to offer a shelter. 

“Nah, I got my swag, I’m gonna lay by the fire and watch the sky.” She laid back and squinted up at the stars. “You should visit my little corner of the world where the stars look like milk.”

Credits: Thank you @youarejesting for working on this masterlist and @kyub for doing the amazing banner! And thank you to all of our writers, editors and betas who worked hard on this project: @youarejesting , @kyub, @dead-starlight, @bubblebunnylia, @sweetnspicy93, @bussy-posts, @jiminniethemarshmallow​, @moccahobi​, @yourmoonchild1023​, @jung-hoseok-s-airplane​, and @hesperantha​ for betaing the masterlist!!! 

[costeausunset]

What I played this month: October 2020, part 1/2

Part 2

I decided to include the prices this month. Note that they are the prices listed on steam europe so the prices may vary if you play on console or if you are in another country than mine.

All GIF are by me

Overland, 2019, developed and published by Finji, ~17 euros :

Overland is a turned-based, survival game set in an apocalyptic future. You control a group of survivors trying to reach the west coast of the US by car. To do this you need to collect enough gas to reach the points of interest while avoiding strange looking zombie-animals.

The gameplay is inspired by games like X-COM. However, I feel like the game is mainly based on luck and not skills. Indeed, each map is generated randomly, which means you can have a map full of enemies or void of it. In my longest playthrough, I managed to play around 50 min without dying and I would say it was 80% luck and 20% skills. You also don’t do much apart from getting gas. The game tells you, you can repair your car, but in reality you can’t, you just have to change the car. You can’t kill the enemies since when you kill one, more respawn. You essentially collect gas and try to avoid the enemies. The characters are also generated randomly at each new game, and they all have the same (almost non existent) personality, which makes it difficult to get attached to them.

The biggest problem of the game is definitely the fact that the game is based on luck. If you are like me you may encounter a “lucky” part where you actually enjoy yourself. It really feels like every time you lose the game tell you, play again and you *might* enjoy yourself!

Overall I feel the game wasted his potential.

Night in the woods, 2017, developed by Infinite Fall and published by Finji, ~20 euros:

It’s a story based video game with little to no gameplay. You follow Mae Borowski, a 20 year old college dropout who went back to her childhood home because of her depression.

I fell in love with this game! I loved the characters, their relationship, their backstory, and the story in itself. I feel like the story and characters are really well written even if the first part of the game is quite slow paced. They were dialogues that made me laugh out loud, and others that made me cry. It’s been a while since a game managed to make me go through so many emotions, with so little time.

The only passages that I didn’t like were the dreams of Mae, I feel like they were too many and they were too similar to my taste. The last part of the game also differs a lot from the previous parts and touches on new subjects that I can’t go into without spoiling. I liked this last part even if I think sometimes the story was taking its sweet time (note that I don’t have much patience so take this with a grain of salt).

The story deals a lot with mental health subjects, mainly depression, this means the game might not be suitable for everyone. The story presents the point of view of Mae on depression, how she feels mainly, and how she reacts to it and how others react to it. The story isn’t about how she overcame depression but how she learned to leave with it and accept it, passing by a lot of ups and downs. Definitely worth your time and money!

The supper, 2020, developed and published by Octavi Navarro, free (or more on itchio):

The Supper is a short (less than 20min) point and click game. You follow the story of Ms Appleton, an old cook, who hears a voice telling her to retrieve a treasure belonging to three odd pirates. To do this you need to cook three delicious meals for them. I love the atmosphere of the game, it's unique as well as creepy. I personally loved the character’s design. The point and click part is well done, each enigma makes sense, and is quite easy to understand even if for some items the hitbox is a bit small.

Overall a really nice game. I would love to play that kind of game with a longer story. Props to the guy who designed it!

Fahrenheit : The Indigo Prophecy (Remastered), 2015 (original out in 2005), developed and published by Aspyr, ~9 euros:

So, I knew this game was weird when I started it, but it’s a thing to hear about the weirdness of this game, and another to actually try it. So let me resume the story, as I understand it. The protagonist, Lucas, murder someone in a fit of madness. But, he didn’t really do it, because at the time he was controlled by a 2000 year old mayan oracle, which caused him to cut his wrist and saw giant bugs trying to kill him. This also awoke the power of the matrix in him, and he is now looking to understand what happened in order to clean his name, by bringing down the illuminati…. This is the script…. So yeah I don’t really know what to think about the plotline. The game is around 8 hours long and halfway through the game, the story takes a sudden shift. The stories go from taking it’s time and being vague to a full on magic show so yeah… The game is a QTE game. There is nothing much to say about the gameplay, it works but there are bugs, like needing to do circle around an object to interact with it, that kind of thing. Other than that some phases require your entire focus, you better not blink. Also from what I read the remaster version (that I played), is absolutely no different from the original version, which is honestly a problem. All of the gameplay bugs should have been resolved in the remaster, but they weren’t. I can accept the bug on the 2005 version but on the 2015 one not so much. I however really liked the cinematic style of the game, even if there again it causes camera problems. The camera is really close to the one we can find in the first Resident Evil but there were fewer bugs of camera in Resident Evil.

Where the Water Taste Like Wine, 2019, developed by Dim Bulb Games and Serenity forge, and published by Good Sheperd Entertainment, ~20 euros :

You enter a tavern and start playing poker. It's the last hand, there is only you and one other man playing, you sure you are going to win, what do you do? Well, you bet your soul with your blood, because who wouldn't, am I right? Oh, and you lost so the devil is now asking you to travel across the land looking for various stories. But you need the best of the best! To do that you need to find stories, observing the life around you, in order to exchange them with other characters, who will offer you better stories. There are different kinds of stories, funny, heartwarming, sad, spooky… All and all the game is just made of a lot of mini stories, some who are goods, others not so much… 

There isn't much gameplay, you essentially walk across the countryside looking for something to happen. The narrators are really good and really give life to the stories, and so does the music. Other than that there isn't much to the game. It's a nice game to relax and hear some good stories but I wouldn't play it for hours on end. It's also the kind of game you need to play to see if it's a good fit for you, so try it out and see for yourself!

The haunted doll, 2019, developed and published by Anamik Majumdar, 0,79 ct:

So… Well, the story is in the title. There isn't much to it, you are trying to flee a haunted doll. But you'll realize soon enough that this doll really isn't a problem at all since it doesn't attack you and you can easily bypass her. This totally destroyed the horror ambiance for me. Other than that, the level design doesn't change from one level to the other so that kills the point of having little to no light since you are always doing the same route. Another problem is the background around the doll given by several pages of text. I personally think it wasn't needed and kills the mystery around said doll. But the biggest problem for me is that I didn't manage to load my save! Also, there is a limited amount of saves (or so I think) and the game only keeps the first 8 ones and not the last ones (also the game automatically saves so yeah…). 

I really liked the music and sound design though, I think they really go well with a horror game. I think the game would have been more terrifying if the doll was actively pursuing the player and not standing or moving on a pattern. I also think the maps should have been smaller and more diverse. The game has several problems but none of them are irreparable. 

[thecarmillacurator]

Feel Good and Closets - Meta on the Netflix Show with Mae Martin

I have soooooo much to say about this show. Every time I re-watch it, I find more layers of symbolism and attention to detail.  There is very little wasted in each scene, not just in terms of what’s actively happening between Mae and George, but what would otherwise simply be things like costuming or prop staging. 

Topics I’ve been dissecting in my notebook include 1) Why George is complex and not the stereotypical ‘straight-for-you’ character with the debilitating dose of internalized homophobia.  2) Mae’s issues of addiction, and insecurity, including that often still experienced by people who are out and open but don’t exhibit any readily apparent anxiety. 3) The sheer overwhelming amount of physical symbolism layered in to strengthen the storytelling, as mentioned above. 4) Additionally, I wouldn’t be at all opposed to doing a book club on Mae’s Book, “Can Everyone Please Calm Down?” discussing the overall suggestion in her comedy and apparently in the book that most people actually have a component of fluidity of gender and orientation, and that perhaps we might be making a mistake in making too big of a focus on it. (I am having trouble getting my hands on a copy, because of where I live, but I’m working on it.)     

Along the way, the show uses several physical constructs as paralleling metaphors to each character’s main struggle. Closets. Coffee. Alcohol. The strap-on. 

For George’s main story, here’s an outline of my thoughts on the “closets” and the closet-type stand-ins. (I cannot get enough of the well-chosen irony.) [READ BELOW THE CUT]:

Episode 1 - They’ve moved in together. Mae wants a big closet. (Her character’s motives are for this to be the start of a big, solid, permanent, long-haul relationship. She wants a place to put *her* stuff.) George wants her to have a small box. (Small boxes have meaning and are picked up throughout the show, too.) During their humorous, loving, but also serious discussion at the IKEA or wherever, George literally closes Mae into a closet as she’s expressing the desire to meet her friends and be brought into George’s outside life. 

Episode 2 - Changing Room. They are shopping at the mall, and Mae is being adorable while whining about not being able to go to the wedding. George is lying about reasons Mae can’t go as her plus one. To distract Mae (possibly), George cuts off the discussion by asking George if she wants to go finger her in the changing rooms. Mae, like a happy puppy, says of course. Here again, Mae wants to be out in George’s social life; George pushes her into a closet. 

Episode 3 - Supplies cupboard at school. George is feeling flirty and texts Mae, but is surprised when Mae actually shows up to her classroom as requested. Mae ends up shoved in the closet when one of George’s coworkers comes in, and left to stew for the entire class. (I think there might be something there for us in the misquote between Romeo & Juliet and MacBeth, but I’ll ponder on that more. Also kind of funny since The Hunger Games gets quoted in this scene and the first book of that trilogy is in part is expressly treated as a ‘star-crossed lovers’ story.) 

This is the painful one, because it foreshadows the impending crisis/climax point for George’s story. This is the point where George finally begins to grasp that she hasn’t merely been trying to navigate difficult terrain in her social circle, she’s been actively segregating Mae from her ‘real’ life, treating Mae as a thing rather than the person who plays the most vital role in her life. It cluster-Fs from there, obviously, as the Climax hits (the party and the hospital).

Episode 4 - The midpoint of the show. This time, she suggests breaking into a little holiday hut, with a “Maybe I’m not as straight as you think I am.” It’s a small, enclosed place as big as (grant it *really large*) walk-in closet, designed to keep things private. Only this time, it’s a sanctuary space, not a storage one. It’s not designed to hide something from the world, but to keep the world out. This is the Resolution: She has made peace with all parts of herself as it relates to Mae. Now, for the first time, she’s in a place where she needs *Mae* to reassure her that they’re in it for the long haul. 

Episode 5 - Interestingly, this time it’s Mae who goes to the closet. Twice, unfortunately. The first time is when she goes to put the strap-on on. (Also, perhaps we can imply she went there for the feminine nightshirt.) I would argue this is symbolic of her insecurity.  (That’s for another discussion relating to the strap-on as a symbolic story arc, though.) Now it’s not George’s issues, it’s part of Mae’s psyche still struggling with who and what she is. And, then the second time, is when Mae leaves after George breaks up. Mae goes into that closet, the one that belongs to George because George said no to Mae’s big IKEA one for her own, to grab her bag and leave. I’d definitely love to hear other people’s thoughts tidying this one up a bit.

Episode 6 - When George brings Mae back to the apartment to ask her to come back, George’s mother busts out of the closet with a speech ready to read. There is absolutely zero warning or explanation for this event. In fact, it feels jarring in how nonsensical it seems. Except. I noticed they did the same thing with the first mention of coffee too, tossed it out in a way that made you go, ‘huh?’ I am convinced it is not accidental, or bad editing, or sloppy writing. Rather it’s designed to draw your attention to a particular metaphor to make you think about it. (Or, at any rate, maybe just to make writing geeks like me think about it.)  

So why is it there? Because we’re completing George’s story arc (is it like an Epilogue? Still part of the Resolution of George’s arc?) and the closets have been the physical mirrors each episode of where she’s been in her metaphysical journal. And here, it’s the reflection that not only is she able to allow Mae and her relationship out of the closet as it relates to her social circle (for a second time, but this time while not on meds), she’s purposefully doing it in a way that is undoubtedly embarrassing to her and shows she’s willing to drag that other circle *to* Mae, to purposefully inconvenience that *other* part of her life to bring it to heel to her relationship with Mae, and for Mae.  

Anyway, I’d love to hear your crit on all of this, and frankly any and all of your thoughts on this amazing piece of queer content.  I’d love, absolutely love, if anyone wanted to engage in meta-crit discussions with me in reblogs, comments, DMs. Or, I even have a new, shiny, completely unused Discord server in my pocket meant for literary and film criticism for Queer content as a more dynamic and consolidated discussion platform if anyone is interested. (This is the first time I’m linking an invite to it, anywhere.)

https://discord.gg/9WaArzp

[sunspotsoftware]

Reviewing everything I play in the itch.io racial justice bundle

Night In The Woods - 4 I may not have been in the right place, mentally, to play it, but NITW made me exceptionally sad. The amount of sadness I felt sort of overpowered the moments of happiness and humor. I guess I was expecting the ending to provide more closure for the characters that I didn't get. At the very least, I can tell that things are going to be better in the future for Mae and her friends. The game is beautiful and the writing is good. I'll probably replay this as an adult and see if my view on the game changes. But, for now, I'm not sure what I'm missing. Social Interaction Trainer - 2 Things start out reasonably funny- it definitely communicates what anxiety in intimate situations can feel like. Where *do* you put your eyes? I don't think the game's design is always on it's game, though- some levels, like the park, lack cues that give you hints as to how to interact properly. There are glitches. And the graphics settings options are sort of questionable. I do like the art style, though. Arigatou, Ningen-san! - 2 Sadly, I can't say I enjoyed this game. I really appreciate games that take tactile approaches to stress relief, but this one just didn't work for me. The animals are illustrated in a way that makes them look like real animals rather than stress balls- you wring them, stretch them, and interact with them in a way that feels pretty unnatural. This might've been okay on it's own, but the sound effects are almost wet- maybe even like something tearing- it just put me off too much and I found myself getting more stressed instead of less stressed. For people like me, I feel perhaps this concept could have been more effective with animals that are illustrated like stress balls or squeeze toys. 3D models would've been really cool. As it stands, though, if we're similar, I can't say this game is enjoyable.For what it's worth, the music is cute and the language component is fun. Go Morse Go! Arcade Edition - 4 I'm definitely biased. This game is insanely cute- the visual presentation is awesome. Morse code is something I've wanted to pick up for a long time, and this game seems like a good addition for getting started! This game probably won't be able to teach you morse code by itself, especially if you want to be proficient, especially for copying- but alongside a free online service like LCWO, I can see it being a good tool. And it's fun! If I were to change one thing, it would be expanded customization of the individual practice modes- being able to pick a few letters at a time for rapid-fire practice could be useful. If morse code and games are something that excite you, this is a game worth purchasing. A game that inspires people to pick up something like morse code is good in my book. I'm part of a group that encourages amateur radio use among other teenagers and I'm definitely going to send this game around! Octodad: Dadliest Catch - 5 I may be mistaken, but I believe Octodad was the first of what would become many games dedicated to "zany physics adventures with wacky controls", sort of sans gmod. I remember this game being extremely popular on YouTube for a time, and I'm super glad to have finally been able to play it as part of the racial justice bundle. The game's humor still holds up, the controls are wacky but fun, and there's plenty to do on a second playthrough. I like how the scientists sound like they're from Half-Life. You can't go wrong! A Short Hike - 5 I have near-constant headaches, this game brought me a lot of peace and I didn't feel any pain while playing. It brought me a seriously needed moment of happines and I am really grateful to have been able to play it. I love the way the characters are written.

[universeinapen]

An excerpt from my NaNoWrMo piece “The Blue Balloon”

(This piece was written last nanowrmo, so my style has changed a lot since then)

I shake my head. We are then approached by another Official, who comes out from seemingly nowhere. He holds a balloon in his hand and my heart begins to race.

The balloon is light blue with silver swirling in different designs. It seems to be glowing from the inside, the magic that will show me my destiny. This balloon holds my destiny. 

I hold out my arm, already knowing what needs to be done. The string of the balloon is tied around my wrist. Not too tight, but tight enough that it won’t slide around. Please world, don’t let me faint before I can even start. 

“Thank you,” I press out, unsure how I am still even breathing. 

“Well wishes,” he says before leaving. His footsteps trail behind, but I don’t look back to watch him. Instead, I turn back around to face the door and straighten myself out. This is it, my destiny is in my hands and it’s only a matter of time before it is revealed. 

“Ready?” the lady asks, and I give a careful nod. She unclips something from her shirt, a remote are communication device, and presses a button. “Well wishes,” is said before my attention is completely taken up.

It’s like a wedding. Through the door will be a carpeted aisle-way with seats on either side. Family and friends will fill the seats, but there also will be a section for the Officials to sit and watch as the ceremony commences. But, this isn’t a wedding, it’s so much more important than one. 

The music seems louder as the doors are opened. As I walk through the threshold, all eyes are on me. I take a glance here and there, but I do my best to keep my gaze straight ahead as I walk to a new future. 

The carpet below me is a dark purple which looks amazing with the dark brown wood that makes up the floor and the dark stone that makes up the walls. The only wall that isn’t made of stone is the one across from me. 

At the end of the aisle stands the head Official, the one who is in charge of all of this. He stands on a platform that is only a few inches tall. Next to him is a podium which is where I will soon stand. The further I walk, the quieter it gets, making my footsteps that much louder in my ears. 

The white string of the balloon is bright against the scenery, the neat bow contrasting my skin and dress. I keep my arm in front of me, not like a zombie’s, more like close to my torso as if it was broken. My attempts to keep the balloon still is in vain as it continues to bob with each movement I make.

Am I breathing? I can’t tell anymore with how much pressure I feel. Every important person in my life is watching me and I am trying so hard to not mess up. Please world, don’t let me faint before I make it down. 

After endless tension, I finally make it. The Head Official smiles at me as I take my place at the podium, then he turns towards the audience. “Today, November 19th 3107, is Mae’s 18th birthday. On this important day we shall conduct the much awaited ceremony of The Blue Balloon, where the magic of all of the universe shall show us Mae’s destiny.”

He motions for my wrist. Once again I run though my lines and take a few deep breaths. I’m reluctant to move, fear’s hand squeezing my soul. Finally, with my other hand squeezing the podium tight, I hold out the arm with the balloon. It shakes with my movement. 

“The blue of the balloon represents dreams and the future, her destiny if you will. Her destiny will be measured by how high the balloon flies, and where it will eventually fall.”

There are symbols all over the ground, some in between the seats, some in the corner in the room, there’s even one behind the high official and Mae. Where the balloon falls will show what my life will be like. There’s magic in the balloon that will sync with the future, and will direct it towards one of the symbols. How high the balloon flies will represent the amount of success and the length of life she will have. 

The magic of the balloon is said to come from the universe itself, which is then harnessed by the most trained of people who dedicate their lives in learning about the magic and learning how to use it. The head official or one of those Balloon Scholars commences ceremonies. It’s all a very complicated process in which I barely even understand myself.

The Head Official begins to untie the string around my wrist, anticipation fills the room as people wait for me to speak.

“I give up control of my destiny in order to see what awaits me in the future. I untie the fear of the unknown, as it shall be clear to see,” I have said those words so many times in the last few months. While it doesn’t seem like a lot, there are more to come and I had to perfect every last syllable. 

As I continue, I can feel the wait of everyone’s eyes on me. I try my best to keep my voice or hands from shaking, but I hope that it’s normal for the Head Official to see. 

“Give me success and give me love. Give me a bright future only few could dream of. Give me light and give me joy. Give me adventure and give me-”

POP!

In just a matter of a second, my words are cut off. Blue latex falls around me and the white string, which was so neatly tied into a bow, hangs sadly off my wrist. The Head Official didn’t get a chance to finish untying it, since there is a ceremonial way. 

All eyes move from me to the empty space where the balloon once was. On the wall behind us, the only one that is matching the wooden floor, is a bright orange dart. The color contrasts with the dark wood, like and orange covered in dark chocolate. Orange confetti trails from it, as if it was to bring along a celebration. 

Panic fills the room almost instantaneously. Shouting emerges from the Officials, calling attention to catch the culprit. This is what is called an assassination of the Ceremony, and it has happened to me.

Dread among all other emotions fills my chest and climbs into my throat. This can’t be redone, there is only ever one balloon tied to one’s fate. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. If the balloon pops, is damaged, lost, anything at all, then the ceremony can’t be conducted. This doesn’t happen often, only once every few years to a decade, but when it does there is a good choice that the person’s life would be destroyed as well.

No one really ever knows what happens to those who have an assassination of the Ceremony, but legends are told about them, which always brings fear. Fear to it happens to, and fear to those who would want to try. The punishment for attempting an assassination is brutal prison time followed by death. The city Officials want to make those suffer as much as humanly possible.

I continue to stare at the string attached to my wrist and the blue on the floor. I will never get to learn of my destiny. I won’t get to learn about my future job or spouse or family life. The length of my life, the amount of happiness I will have, I won’t know. My future is nothing but an unknown blur.

To make matters worse, the culprit is nowhere in sight.

[ethandigby]

『 LANDON LIBOIRON ❙ GENDERQUEER 』 ⟿ looks like ETHAN DIGBY is here for THEIR SECOND year as a VISUAL ART GRAD student. HE is 27 years old & known to be DEDICATED, HONEST, STUBBORN & PESSIMISTIC. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ drew. twenty-two. est. he/him. ethan’s pinterest

trivia:

he really likes white cholate & hot chocolate, often eating handfuls of white chocolate baking discs regardless of the time of day. 

visual art major --- tends to stray towards sculptures and installation pieces, though he does have a love for bob ross style landscape pieces. draws a lot of inspiration from older art, and many of his pieces are designed to look worn-out and as though they are missing pieces. 

perpetually exhausted --- for all his love of schedules, he has never managed to consistently get enough sleep and though he loves tea, that never seems to have enough of an impact to truly wake him up ---- a.k.a he is a yawn prone little fuck

doesn’t quite believe the local legends, though he doesn’t dismiss them outright either. the statue by wishing tree has, however, made it into several of his works ---- statues seem to have her facial features without him ever meaning to and he will swear to anyone that asks that in sophomore year of his bachelor’s degree he woke up one morning to her face staring at him from amongst the trees on a painting he had been working on. he will hesitantly add that it’s possible that he had just been thinking of her while half asleep, though ethan doesn’t really believe that

currently working as a TA for some of the freshman art classes, as well as overseeing the use of the different art studios from time to time. 

doesn’t believe in labels --- and that’s corny as hell, but he just wants to be able to be whoever he is in the moment and has had some harsher reactions when he uses umbrella terms, so he just refuses to label himself. relationship-wise it’s a whole different issue, he floats from one major relationship to another and often times will cycle back to one that’s already gone sour. 

has recently started going to a therapist to talk about some of the issues he has processing emotions and his fear of change ---- it’s been helping but he’s still very much on the verge of flight mode and will run away from situations that demand any real sort of emotional input from him on occasion. 

personality:

he is cynical, despite a desire to believe the best in people and the world - he has seen too much of the darker side of the world to ever truly believe it ---- this is reflected not only in his interactions with people ( he is open about expressing doubt and disbelief, he won’t believe a word you say, and he overanalyzes promises / invitations / declarations of love ) but also in his art and aesthetic which veers towards the dark and damned, a lot of his work is themed around broken things

stubborn as a mule ---- once he gets an idea in his mind, it can be hard to change his mind with logical arguments though an emotional appeal will have a better chance ---- he’s very set in his ways and struggles with questioning why things are the way they are, insisting that somethings should just be. loathes change and isn’t afraid to express this dislike --- tends to eat the same foods, wear the same clothes, go to the same places ---- despite a childhood dislike of routine, he finds it comforting nowadays, it feels safe.

loyal as all hell, you can hurt him a million times and he will still struggle to walk away and a genuine apology will win him back in an instant. he struggles to cut ties, even with those that he knows aren’t the best for him and has only successfully done so when it is possible for him to do so in a swift and permanent way. in most cases, he will eventually find his way back to those that he knows. 

friendly but not overly so --- he has no issue approaching people if he needs something, but he’s not generally one to approach you just to “chat” b/c he’s not big on small talk in general and honestly? he’d never say it but if he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t really give a damn how your day went or how you feel about the weather or current events. if he drinks, he becomes a little more sociable in that matter, but that often drifts into “ethan is going to info-dump about whatever has his interest in the moment and the only way to stop him is to like physically place something in / on his mouth” territory which is a whole different level of awkward. 

backstory:

growing up in a household where routine took priority, ethan spent a long time feel stifled by his parent’s demands that everything turned out perfectly ---- the neverending need to do things at just the right time, in just the right way. it was like fitting into a sweater that was just a tad too small, wrong in a way that is hard to explain

it’s in high school that he meets a true kindred spirit in the form of his art teacher ---- he helps ethan to realize his need for freedom and self-expression, and embraces his abilities in a way that he had always been afraid to. it’s a change that his parents are disapproving of, trying to reroute their son’s future to one of the paths that they would have approved of. but for once, he allows himself to rebel.

and after graduation, he leaves. running to new york, where he throws himself into the art scene head first without any real plans. for two years, he works multiple jobs as he cycles through sketchy roommates in his shitty apartment and equally shitty life partners, trying to discover things about himself that he hadn’t known before.

he’s still figuring some of that out, unsure of how to label his gender or his sexuality --- wishing more than anything that he could just be, a desire that he has long held onto since childhood that’s coming back to haunt them at last. 

that’s not the only thing that’s caught up with them as of late, the digby’s finally managing to track him down in new york and showing up at his apartment two years after he initially ran off. they came with open minds and a burning desire to see their son do something other than work minimum wage jobs and live in run-down apartments. they were quiet and subdued in a way that they never had been.

it took six months for them to convince him to enroll in college, and he eventually chose to attend radcliffe with an undeclared major. it was far enough from his hometown that his parents couldn’t reasonably drive up too often, but close enough that he could go home if he had wanted. a three-hour drive in the best traffic.

the distance proved to be the right amount --- though his parents certainly seemed to pop up over the first three months with containers of food and worries that their child would have run off, they eventually learned to trust him. and slowly, the wounds healed ---- ethan wouldn’t say that they’re close but they’ve learned to respect each other’s boundaries.

and he’s never seen them more proud than at graduation, except maybe when he told them that he was going to apply to grad school. it wasn’t the path that they had planned for ethan, but they had learned to be enthusiastic about his success, about his dreams and about his art.

doing his master’s degree - it’s been weird. being here is weird for him in general, he still misses new york even though it was a whole different kind of existence ---- he misses the stability of going to work everyday and being completely independent. here, he has to rely on his professors and classmates, he has people that expect him to check in with them and there’s more socialization --- mostly because he’s been trying to do better with that. 

connections:

good / bad influence: okay so traditionally, i think these would be separate connections but i think in this case, it’s more convoluted than that. for all of ethan running away from the environment his parents made, he’s very much stuck to those rules and expectations --- i would love for someone to start to break him out of that --- encourage him to party and drink and live life, and it doesn’t all have to be bad, it can be good too. you know, them bringing him to parties and him learning actually valuable lessons from it --- idk open to talking about their potential influence on each other, i think it could be fun

frenemies ( onesided or not ): i think a lot of ethan’s trust issues are a projection mechanism because he knows that in some ways that he can’t be trusted --- so i wld love for someone who they act like best friends when they’re together and then ethan just ... talks smack about them and doesn’t keep their secrets ( and maybe they do the same?? ) 

exes ( of all types / genders / whatever ): this one, my dear ethan, has gotten around a bit --- maybe they hooked up and now it’s awkward ---- maybe they dated for a while and keep circling back to each other despite knowing that they’re bad for each other ( a la unmiss you by clara mae ) ---- maybe they dated for a while and now they never talk so when they do see each other it’s just ... awkward as hell ---- open to literally anything with this one guys

art buddies: just two pals, palling around --- only prerequisite is that your character has some sort of interest in an art ( writing, theatre, music, film, etc etc ) --- and hey maybe they don’t get along but they put up a united front against the STEM majors who mock their choices in major? 

other: open to discussing dormates, coworkers, current love interests and literally anything else that you can think of --- does your character need someone over 21 to buy them alcohol? call ethan. for real tho, hit me up and let’s come up with some stuff!

[capmackie]

tell me again (that we’ll be lovers & friends)

aka the Prom!Sambucky fic no one asked for.

Bucky should’ve known better.

In reality, he does know better. He knows that prom is not somewhere he wants to be; knows that without a shadow of a doubt, actually. Knows it’s all superficial and just another reason for teens to be cajoled into spending exuberant amounts of money to impress people they’ll most likely never see again. Most of all, it’s incredibly pretentious.

Today’s the big day and Bucky’s been irritated since he woke up, no, actually ever since he shelled out a hundred bucks for his ticket. But as the realization dawned on him that he’ll have to play nice with the same people who’ve never spoken more than two words to him in all four years, the irritation reared it’s ugly head again. It peaked as his mom snapped countless photos, pushing him to smile and pose. It’s all too much and Bucky feels a headache forming at the base of his skull.

At her insistence, she places a rose on his lapel, sticking him with the needle in the process. Bucky’s certain that’s a sign from the universe that going to prom is a bad idea.

***

Bucky, standing in an extravagant banquet room, so over the top, he kinda wants to hurl, quickly realizes that going to his prom was, indeed, a bad idea.

The theme is ‘Winter Wonderland’, which is bad enough but considering it’s currently June, makes the idea even worse. There’s bouquets of carnations dressing the tables, fake snow litters the ground. White curtains, adorned with sparkles, line the floor to ceiling windows, along with hundreds of LED strings lights attached to the ceiling. There’s a balloon arch bracketing the entrance, a sign welcoming the students to ‘Brooklyn High Prom 2019’ hangs off of it. Further inside, he can see the DJ booth. His principal’s on the one’s and two’s and he almost wants to laugh at how ridiculous the sight is, almost.

He feels unease down to his very core, certain that the night’ll end in one of two ways: some drunk asshole picking a fight with him (again) or him standing on the outskirts of the party, isolated, as he finds himself more often than not.

Bucky revels in his loneliness; having realized early on that the only person he can rely on, the only person he can trust is himself. But those thoughts are easier to drink down when Bucky’s minding his own business, holed up in his room. In those moments, his loneliness covers him like a blanket, heavy yet comforting. But here, in a place designed for social interaction, Bucky feels confined by his loneliness, feels it magnified times a thousand.

Coming here was a terrible idea.

The possibility of saying ‘fuck it’, turning on his heels and going the fuck home is lighting every nerve in his body on fire. He could do it; no one’s seen him come in and if they did, they definitely don’t give a damn about him leaving. In the blink of an eye, he can be back home, can ignore the disappointing look his mother will give him, can be in his own space thanking whatever deity out there that his high school experience is almost over.

He’s about to do it.

Bucky’s so close to leaving that relief starts to flood his body when his eyes fall on someone he honestly wishes he never met sometimes.

In hindsight, he understands why he’s here, at prom surrounded by people he doesn’t like, wearing an ill-fitting suit and uncomfortable shoes. It’s the same reason why he does almost anything; the same reason that turns Bucky pliant with just a smile. And that reason is on the dance floor, milly-rocking his life away, in a fitted plum suit with paisley accents.

Sam.

***

If Bucky could go back in time to the first day he and Sam met, he probably would’ve just stayed his ass in bed. But alas, missing the first day of the new school year, especially after missing about three months of your junior year, is frowned upon. For some reason.

The hustle and bustle of kids running to classes as the bell rings or ignoring the bell altogether to continue their conversations in the hall is all too familiar to Bucky. But now it feels different, feels overwhelming.

But Bucky knows the scenario isn’t different, it’s only him who’s changed; the last time he was in this hall he had a flesh and blood arm on his left and now... he doesn’t. Anxiety begins to creep up his spine, his breath shortening out and his head starting to spin. Steadying himself with his forehead placed on his locker, the coolness grounding him, Bucky’s brought back to reality just as the second late bell begins to ring.

Pulling out his schedule, he focuses his attention to more tangible dangers, like being late to his first class and having to sit in the front because all of the slackers have taken the back seats. Adjusting his backpack then his jacket to cover more of his left arm, he grabs his textbooks and sets off to AP Human Geography.

As the teacher assigns partners for the course-long project, Bucky slumps further down in his seat, willing the floor to just swallow him whole. He looks around the room and cringes when he sees who he could possibly be paired with.

But then the teacher is speaking to Bucky, telling him there’s an odd number of students in the class and Bucky’s welcome to join an existing group or work by himself. Before he can give his answer, one Sam Wilson comes barreling through the door, throwing the teacher an apologetic smile, clamoring to find the first empty seat.

There are three things Bucky instantly becomes hyper-aware of at that moment:

1) Sam’s arrival now means there’s an even number of students in the class (fuck)

2) the only open seat is right next to him

3) Sam has the most gorgeous smile Bucky’s ever seen

***

Throughout the semester, they gradually become friends. Bucky’s convinced that it’s only because of the project but when Sam’s walking home with him after they realize they’re actually neighbors (who would’ve thought?) and when Sam’s saving him a seat at the lunch table where the popular kids sit (Bucky declines every day, Sam doesn’t stop inviting him) or when Sam remembers to walk on the right of Bucky (never the left) and when Sam never questions those moods Bucky sometimes finds himself in (the ones he can’t shake, the ones that pull him under so deeply he can only hear tires screeching and glass cracking and the sound of metal on metal and -), the line between general politeness and something more blurs so much, Bucky sometimes isn’t sure that it’s still there.

It’s that blurry line that Bucky finds himself tiptoeing on when one day—he and Sam are on his front porch, soaking in the fact that they’re finally done—Sam asks the big question.

“So, who are you taking to prom?”

Bucky looks up so fast, he almost catches whiplash. Prom hadn’t even been a thought in his mind. He’s focused on more important things like college (and Sam), getting a fresh start in a new city (and Sam) and the threat of Sallie Mae looming over his shoulders (andddd Sam).

The confusion must register on his face because Sam is now laughing and smiling and Bucky hates when he does that. Because Sam doesn’t just laugh and he doesn’t just smile. Sam doesn’t just do anything, his personality is too bold, too vivacious to do anything half-assed.

When he smiles, it starts at his mouth, full lips curling upwards, that stupid gap in between his front teeth making an appearance. Then it lifts to his eyes, making them go big, the brown in the irises shining ever so brightly. Sam’s smile is enough to light up continents, can feed power to third world countries if he chooses to. The only thing greater in the world than seeing Sam smile is making Sam smile and Bucky reckons it’s the same as looking into the sun for too long; the heat of the rays warming him, making him feel special. Then, inevitably, it starts to burn; the too harsh rays focused on him intensely, making Bucky squirm.

Bucky’s been on both sides of the equation. He’s seen Sam throw that megawatt smile at someone, has had that smile on him and Bucky’s not sure which scenario makes his stomach drops the fastest.

With a flick of his right hand, Bucky dismisses the idea of going to something as silly as his high school prom, listing off a dozen of other things he would rather do with his time.

But Sam smiles at him, lighting Bucky insides on fire, and promises him it’ll be fun, that Sam will be there to make it fun and that he won’t leave his side until he’s sure that Bucky is indeed having fun. Bucky wants to say no with every fiber of his being but he just can’t; not when Sam’s looking at him adoringly, smiling a little and then wider and wider until the smile completely takes over his face, as he sees Bucky slowly coming around to the idea of going to prom.

In the end, Bucky is grumbling something about Sam being an asshole and when Sam laughs his signature laugh, Bucky has to turn his head away lest Sam will see him smiling too.

***

Prom is in full swing by the time Bucky’s arrived and is finished with having his existential crisis.

The DJ’s just switched records and a slow song is drifting through the speakers, teens coupling up to slow dance together. It’s so cliché, Bucky’s eyes almost roll out of his head. But then Sam notices him, face plastered with one of his signature smiles and starts to walk his way.

Bucky’s just about to give Sam grief for the patterned shirt he has the audacity to wear in public when Sam nods toward a secluded corner, beckoning Bucky to follow him. As soon as they’re away from the watchful eyes of teachers and parent chaperones, Sam pulls out a silver flask.

“It’s the only way to enjoy these things”, Sam answers when Bucky shoots him a questioning glance.

Bucky’s about to argue that this isn’t a good idea, that they are both underaged, that authority figures are right there, but most importantly, that he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to handle himself around Sam if he’s intoxicated. But Sam’s smiling, looking at Bucky through his lashes and it makes Bucky’s heart lurch and the words Bucky wants to spit out get stuck on his tongue. Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s taking the flask and the taste of Jack Daniels is coursing through him, swallowing his protests and inhibitions all the same.

It’s only after Bucky is six whiskey swigs deep that he finally realizes he’s made a mistake. Somehow they’re on the dance floor, right in the middle of the crowd, being pushed and pulled as the crowd jumps around to some trap song.

But Sam is keeping his promise of not leaving Bucky’s side and it’s so kind and noble, just like he is.

Bucky can see the questioning glances Sam’s other friends are giving him, all the while ignoring the glares directed toward Bucky himself.

But Sam doesn’t play favorites, treats everyone with respect, even moody and pouty and sour people who insist on self-imposed isolation. Sam still befriends them, still walks with them home after school, still makes time for them, still respect their boundaries, still supports them even when they don’t see anything worthy within themselves.

Six whiskey swigs later, standing in a banquet room that looks more like a wedding than a prom, surrounded by people he hates, in an ill-fitting suit and uncomfortable shoes, Bucky Barnes realizes he’s in love with Samuel Wilson. Realizes that he’s been in love with Sam for a while now, actually.

Bucky’s ready for his flight or fight instincts to kick in, waits for the telltale signs of his anxiety to flare up but nothing happens. His classmates are continuing to do whatever the hell they were doing before Bucky’s came to his grand realization. The world, shockingly, continues to spin on its axis. It’s almost like Bucky finally coming to terms with his feelings for Sam is normal.

Honestly, who would’ve thought?

Maybe it’s the alcohol coursing through him that makes him feel so lax or maybe it’s the weight that’s finally been lifted off of his shoulders, but Bucky feels positively giddy at the notion that he loves Sam. Feels the endorphins multiply when the thoughts cross his mind that he should tell Sam right now how he feels.

There’s a small voice in the back of his brain begging him to reconsider; begs him to realize that someone like Sam could never and would never love someone like Bucky back. Bucky with all of his flaws and all of his darkness; it would be selfish to ask someone like Sam, a literal ray of sunshine to love him back, the voice says. To pull Sam into Bucky’s own patented abyss of despair is just cruel.

But then he looks up and he and Sam are now making eye contact again and despite everything that’s telling his mind no, Bucky decides to tell his heart yes.

He’s turning to face Sam before his mind can catch up and repeat how terrible of an idea this is. But Sam’s smiling at him, always smiling at him and like everything else in the past school year, it wills Bucky to believe in himself. Gives Bucky the courage to let go, to relax, to...

What happens next is an out-of-body experience and Bucky isn’t even sure what is happening but his body is on auto-pilot and he’s reaching out to grab at Sam’s jacket and pull him into a fervent kiss.

He doesn’t know how long he stays wrapped up around Sam, his flesh hand cradling the back of Sam’s head and his metal one fisting the man’s jacket. What he does know is that he never wants it to end, knows that he never wants to pull away from the warmth radiating from Sam’s mouth on his, from Sam’s entire body pressed up against his.

Truth be told, it’s always been Sam, it’s been Sam since the very first moment Bucky saw him. Bucky knew he was enamored by his geography partner when Sam first sat next to him or the first time Sam spoke to him or the time Sam did literally anything. He could list off hundreds of examples of when he had started to fall in love, but the only thing of importance right now is Sam, in his arms.

Faintly, Bucky can here the other students around him react to the scene that has just played out in from of them. Bucky can practically feel their weighted gazes on his back but he doesn’t care. The only thing on his mind is communicating to Sam how much he wants to be his.

Bucky’s so wrapped up in his own emotions that he doesn’t feel the gentle hand on his lower back, leading him back to the corner where the silver flask is still neatly hidden from watchful eyes.

“Did you mean it?”, Sam questions.

Bucky’s trying to read his expression but he can’t.

For the first time since he’s known him, he doesn’t see a smile on Sam’s face. Panic starts to set in at the idea that Bucky has ruined his only friendship over a stupid kiss. 

What in the hell was he thinking?

“I’m serious Buck, talk to me please”, Sam is pleading and Bucky hates it, hates seeing any other emotion on that beautiful face but pure, unadulterated joy.

“I - fuck Sam- I just want to be with you”, Bucky stammers out. If he would’ve known how the night was gonna go, he would’ve prepared a speech but alas. It’s just him and his brain trying to formulate a coherent sentence that explains just how much Bucky needs Sam.

“You are my friend - shit - my best friend, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want anything more than that”, Bucky starts.

The floodgates are opening and he can’t help himself now, every emotion he’s ever felt are all rushing to the surface. He doesn’t even know what to say, doesn’t know how to make it coherent, he just knows that he’s gotta make Sam understand.

Has to make him understand that what he feels is so intense, he can’t even express himself eloquently. Has to make Sam understand he only accepted admission to NYU cause that’s where Sam is going, has to make him understand how blind his mind is at times, how he can’t see anyone else but Sam.

But he just can’t get the damn words out.

It frustrates Bucky that he’s right on the precipice but can’t tip over fully, his own mind sabotaging him. But he hopes that Sam will understand him and his non-verbal cues, hopes that Sam doesn’t think he’s an idiot, Bucky just hopes, okay? He needs this to work, damn it because the man still wrapped up in his arms is Bucky’s endgame, there will never be anyone else.

Sam initiates the next kiss and it’s nothing like the one before. This is one is soft and exploring; this kiss feels like acceptance, feels like understanding, like Sam heard everything Bucky’s been desperately trying to say.

Bucky presses their foreheads together and exhales shakily, groans thinking about all of the trouble he’s caused tonight. He’s just outed himself in front of a few of his classmates but the voice in his head, always springing to action whenever Bucky fucks up, is surprisingly quiet and Bucky counts that as a win. Cuts himself some slack for the first time in a long time.

Sam pulls back first, a mischievous grin on his face, and plants a kiss in the middle of Bucky’s forehead.

“I knew you loved me”, he laughs and Bucky agrees.

He’s known for a while now.

AO3