#made to be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

1d1195 · 2 years ago

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Made to Be Extra II

This was easy to write because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I know we're all waiting on a second part of a lot of other things (and a fourth part of Normal People) but that will come I promise.

This takes place two and half years after January.

You can read the rest of this series here: Made to Be

Warnings: None...a little mean/angsty at times.

She ignored him. Didn’t even glance at him in acknowledgment.

Sighing, he headed to bed. With a hand on the cold side of the mattress he actually Googled signs of falling out of love. But after reading too many that sounded like her, he locked his phone and closed his eyes.

August/September

Harry walked into the apartment that he shared with the woman of his dreams of nearly three and a half years. They had been trying to find a house for over a year, but the market continued to be outlandish.

And lately, it’s been put on hold due to her miserable attitude.

Harry hated to even think that way. Every thought he had about her was always beyond pure and lovely—he adored her. Always and foremost.

But Harry had never seen this side of her before, she was angry. All the time—for over a month. At first, he thought she was just having a bad day—it was exceedingly hot out in the middle of the summer, and she was agitated by the traffic she hit coming back from tutoring. However, the following days didn’t make her better. He tried walking on eggshells around her, trying to make the apartment clean and everything she wanted while she was out tutoring in the afternoons. But he never seemed to clean the right way. Or he moved something and then suffered the bitterness of her irritation of why he moved stuff. The dinner he made didn’t seem to be the food she wanted.

So, Harry looked at their wedding photos to keep him sane.

It was a rough patch; couples went through them every day, Harry always thought they’d be an exception, but here they were. She was plenty vocal about what was wrong, so he was certain it was nothing like her past relationship.

The album was on their coffee table (normally it was under the table on the little shelf, and she was happy to remind Harry that was where it belonged). But when she was out tutoring, he looked at how happy she was a little over a year ago, how gorgeous she looked—as she always looked; even angry she was still the most beautiful person he knew. The photos simply reminded him of another time she looked angelic...and happy. He thought about the dress hanging in their closet and how the flowers in her hair made her look like mother nature. He smiled like an idiot every time he opened the album looking at the pretty lady.

It was easily the second-best day of his life.

The first being the day he met her of course.

He heard the door open. Swiftly, he replaced the album on the shelf, leaned back on the couch, and picked up his book from the arm of the sofa. “Hi angel,” he called sweetly. She didn’t respond. He could hear the distinct sound of her settling her things down. Kicked her shoes off. Put her keys back on the hook. Slowly she emerged from the little entryway and Harry couldn’t even think about how mad she had been, she was so breathtaking it still amazed him. His lungs literally felt out of sync from his body. She was such a calming presence.

“Hi,” she said curtly.

Even when she was grumpy.

He smiled gently at her. “Did y’have a good lesson?”

She nodded and sat on the free chair—instead of the sofa beside him. “I’m hungry.”

“Can I make you something?” He asked, closing his book. “What would you like?”

She shrugged. “I...I kind of want tacos.”

“Well, we can go out then, m’love,” he suggested.

“Can we order in?”

“Sure, kitten,” he amended.

“Can you stop being so accommodating?” She grumbled.

He blinked. “I’m sorry?”

She huffed in response. “I need to lie down; I have a headache,” she said standing to make her way to the hallway.

“Angel...” he started reaching for her wrist as she passed the back of the sofa.

“M’fine,” she mumbled pulling her hand away quickly. “Can you just order the tacos?”

He didn’t answer her because he didn’t want to be too accommodating.

The school year started with a hustle of things to do and things to buy. It distracted the two from how angry she had been the last month of summer. If Harry squinted, she was back to normal. He enjoyed seeing her from across the hall—especially because she looked like her old self most when she was back at the doorway smiling at students. She looked happy—even if she was pretending.

“Love,” he said softly as she was up late preparing her lesson. Her computer screen was illuminating her face. “Y’should get some sleep.” She ignored him. Didn’t even glance at him in acknowledgment. Sighing, he headed to bed. With a hand on the cold side of the mattress he actually Googled signs of falling out of love. But after reading too many that sounded like her, he locked his phone and closed his eyes.

She couldn’t be falling out of love. She was made to be in his life and Harry knew it with everything in him. It made more sense than anything he had experienced in his whole life. The earth took 365 days to rotate around the sun, Thursday went after Wednesday, and they were made to be in love.

But right now, it was feeling an awful lot like they weren’t.

“Can we take separate cars today?” She asked. Harry had just come out of the shower, and she was placing his tea on the counter.

“Uh...yeah, of course, love. Everything alright?”

“I promised the kids I’d watch their soccer game.”

“Oh...well, I could come along if y’want t’jus’ take the one—”

“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ll see you at school.”

Harry was beginning to feel utterly defeated.

Harry was working quietly during his off period. He had one headphone in, listening to music as he wrote the opening notes on his whiteboard for his next class. He didn’t think about how she lied to him about going to the game. Even though he really couldn’t think about anything else. The kids let it slip—unknowingly. He simply asked one of the boys how the game was, but they alerted him there wasn’t a game yesterday. Harry tried to think of how the conversation would go at home; how he was supposed to broach the subject to her.

“Mr. Styles!” Someone yelled.

Harry dropped his marker the minute he was called and hurried across the hall taking in the class of worried eyes as they looked from Harry to her and pointed at the love of his life. “What’s—”

“M’fine,” she murmured and held a hand to her forehead and swayed a bit leaning against her whiteboard. “It’s just really hot in here.”

“Whoa, hey, hey,” Harry quickly made it across the classroom, he knocked papers off someone’s desk and accidentally kicked a water bottle over. “Can you call the nurse?” He asked over his shoulder to the student near the phone. The second he had his hands at her arms, she collapsed against him. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath. Hopefully, no one heard it—if they did, no one cared. Harry’s heart was racing as he held her up as best he could, the awkward angle she buckled into his arms made it hard to keep her from falling to the floor, but he wouldn’t let her.

“Holy shit!” A student gasped, but Harry couldn’t reprimand him because it was a needed expletive. And he was preoccupied.

Harry was anxious now. “Grab another teacher, please,” he said to the whispering class as he tried to pull her limp body to her desk chair. He hated that he was a teacher right now. He wanted to scream and whisk her out the door to the nearest hospital—he would carry her on foot if he had to. “Hey, love?” he asked, cupping her face as her eyelids fluttered rapidly. “Kitten, you with me?”

“Harry?” She croaked. Her eyebrows knitted together, and she blinked up at him so innocently she looked like the woman he adored so much—the one that didn’t hate him or lie to him.

“Hey,” he cooed softly rubbing his thumb along her temple. “Y’scared me, love. Y’alright?” He whispered.

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “S’hot.”

It wasn’t. It was cold and raw today—surprisingly for the unseasonably warm September. A cold front blew quite the rainstorm in overnight, so it wasn’t hot at all. “I know, love,” he hummed, his eyebrows pinched together in further worry. Something was very wrong. “We’re going to get you checked out.”

“No,” she said firmly. “M’fine.”

“Angel,” he chided so softly.

“No,” she repeated, stronger. “M’fine. Jus’ got a bit lightheaded.” In the entire time Harry knew her he had not once seen her lightheaded. Never had she ever fainted—not even when he hit the ball in her face. That didn’t mean she couldn’t, but Harry knew something was wrong and she was pretending it wasn’t. But again, they were teachers. And they were at school. Seventeen pairs of teenaged eyes looked at the two of them at the front of the class. She stood up as the nurse appeared in her doorway and quickly denied her help. “I’m fine, I just need to drink some water.”

“Love,” Harry protested.

“Stop,” she said pointedly to Harry. “M’sorry for the scare everyone, m’really fine,” she promised. “We can get back to our lesson now.” The nurse looked on suspiciously for a moment as she reset her slideshow and regrouped her students. They eyed her nervously, afraid to not do as she asked.

So, Harry had no choice but to go back to his classroom and try not to scream.

“Kitten,” Harry said softly from the living room. He couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much. All of it. Today was the last straw.

“Yeah?” She called back tiredly. He didn’t care if she was tired.

“Can we chat?” He asked tentatively. He kept his voice gentle. He didn’t want to command it but he needed her to hash all of this out. It was making him crazy. “C’mere.”

“Harry, I’m—"

So much for not being commanding. “S’not a request, love.” It was silent for a beat and then he heard her socked feet pad quietly down the hall. She looked at Harry in the chair by himself and she sat on the sofa—right in the middle. She crossed her arms around her body protectively. Closing herself off. It was a metaphor staring right at Harry and he hated it. She stared at the coffee table while Harry shifted his body toward her. He leaned forward on the chair and braced himself. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing, you called me—”

He shook his head quickly and sighed. “No, kitten. Seriously. What’s wrong?”

“What are you talking about, Harry?” She snapped. “I was in the middle of folding laundry—”

“It can wait,” he said rubbing his hand on the back of his head. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong! I’m just—”

He shook his head angrily, could feel his breath coming in shorter pants as he was getting agitated not knowing what was wrong. Harry got out of his seat and started pacing between the coffee table and the TV as he listed all the things that had been bothering him—particularly today. “Love, you’ve been mean for over a month. You’ve been acting like it’s m’fault for whatever is making you s’mad and I don’t know what t’do. You fainted in class today! Something is wrong and you have t’tell me. I can’t take this anymore!”

She looked so angry, but she didn’t look up to meet his gaze. He saw her fingers pressed into her palms and she stared at the coffee table. She was bracing herself. Harry watched her set her jaw as she started to lie again. “Nothing—”

Harry felt so completely frustrated. He ran his hands over his face. He married her for better or for worse and this had to be the “worse” and because it felt like it. It was so heartbreaking because all he wanted was to hold her like he did during class today—it was the first time he got to touch her face without her trying to wriggle away or try to avoid him in over a month. He was infuriated she fainted, but he was grateful he got to touch her. “It feels like y’don’t love me anymore, and I don’t know what—”

It immediately broke whatever she was feeling. Because she started to cry. “No,” she gasped. “No, Harry, that’s not true,” she sniveled and wiped her sleeve across her nose. Harry wanted to console her, wrap his arms around her and hold her so tightly, but he couldn’t because if he did, it wouldn’t solve anything. She would go on hating him and ignoring him. He wouldn’t get answers and wouldn’t know what to do to fix whatever was wrong.

“Y’told me I couldn’t silence y’out after that first fight, we had and you’ve been silencing me out for s’long, angel. The kids told me you didn’t go to the game yesterday because there was no game! And I don’t even care where y’went, I just don’t know why y’thought you had t’lie to me! M’going crazy, kitten. Certifiably crazy! I almost lost it today when y’wouldn’t let the nurse look you—”

“I did something bad, Harry,” she interrupted and covered her hand over her mouth. Harry took a breath and felt his heart race. He stopped pacing. “M’sorry,” she croaked around huge, body shaking sobs.

“Kitten?” He wondered; he couldn’t stop himself. His rant left his mind. She was truly wrecked about something, it made her so painfully sad, Harry could nearly taste it in the air. His mind spun what could be wrong. While she was crying Harry tried to piece out everything, he knew about what was happening. She was mean, lying about where she was, needed a separate car, and fainted in class today. He boiled it down to two options: she was either in love with someone else or she was terminally sick. “Angel?” He questioned again as the sobs wracked her frame.

“M'sorry,” she repeated and wiped her eyes. It was some terminal illness. Had to be. His tongue felt too thick. “You’re going to hate me.”

There was no way she was in love with someone else.

“Bad?” He managed. She was dying. Sick without a cure. It couldn’t be someone else. He would...

She nodded and covered her hand over her face and tried to regulate her breathing so she could talk. But if she was sick...his stomach churned. He couldn’t live without her. If she went, he would follow right behind her. It wasn’t fair, they’d only been married a year and she was so lovely—even when she was grumpy, she was still his favorite thing in the world. “Harry—”

“You’re in love with someone else?” Harry asked desperately. She couldn’t be sick.

“What?” She sniffled. “What did you just ask me?” The tears subsided just a bit for her attitude to reappear just a bit. He could almost hear the coldness in her tone for Harry deigning to ask her such a thing.

“You’re sick then?” He questioned, he finally came to her side, crouched on his knees and pulled her arms from around her shaking frame, he twined their fingers together and he felt so sick at the idea of losing her. “I don’t know, angel, m’jus so lost and I love you so much,” he said his face crumpling in pain that it made her feel nauseous. “I don’t want you to be sick and s’the only thing I can think of—you’re dying...and I can’t...imagine...you can’t leave, so it has to be you’re in love with—”

“No,” she shook her head sniffling still. “M’not sick, and you’re stupid for thinking I could ever love anyone else,” the grumpiness in her voice returned momentarily.

Harry felt relieved briefly. “Then what is it, kitten?”

She closed her eyes and sniffled. Harry felt her squeeze his hands for the first time in over a month and the pressure made everything in him warm. He waited anxiously for her lips to move and speak. “M’pregnant,” she whispered so quietly Harry wasn’t even sure she spoke; thought maybe his imagination had enough of guessing and worrying.

There was not a sound to be heard in the room. “What was that m’love?” He asked nervously.

She sniffled and inhaled shakily. “M’pregnant,” she whispered again.

Harry felt like his brain was broken. He wasn’t processing those words. Surely the cause of their strained relationship was not because she was pregnant, and she didn’t tell him. Harry tried to remember the last time he saw a tampon in the trash bin. He couldn’t remember. “Pregnant?” He repeated.

She nodded. “Yes,” she wiped her eyes and sniveled. “M’sorry,” she said, her lower lip wobbling ridiculously as she apologized. “M’so sorry for everything, Harry. I was mean and I was—I’m so stupid, I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want you to hate me and I—”

Harry shook his head trying to get some of the wires to cross and fire. “What are you...angel, why are you apologizing? Why...why would you think I’d hate you?” He asked.

“Because you don’t want to have a baby right now!”

“What are you talking about?” He said in shock. “Kitten,” he cupped her cheeks. “You’re going t’have a baby?” He repeated stupidly. She nodded.

Harry’s face broke into a smile, but she didn’t even get to enjoy how beautiful he looked with those deadly dimples and crinkly eyes because he pressed his lips to hers at the same time. He could taste all the salty tears she shed over the last few minutes on his tongue, and he pulled her to him as close as he could squeezing her as much as he could without worrying about the little baby growing in her body. She moaned softly against his lips making him sigh with relief. He pulled away finally, rested his forehead against hers. Rubbed his thumb along her cheek and brushed away the tears. “How long have you known, angel?” He asked softly.

“You’re not mad?” She whispered.

He shook his head. “How long, love?”

“A month. I had an appointment yesterday to confirm...I’m...seven weeks along.”

Harry felt the breath leave his lungs and he pressed a hand on her stomach. “Kitten.”

“You’re not mad?” She repeated.

“Angel, what are you talking about? ‘Course m’not mad,” he said pulling her toward him. He brought her fingers to his lips as he kissed each fingertip. “M’mad this little one made you faint, mad y’went to an appointment on your own, and mad you didn’t tell me. But not that you’re pregnant—why would I even be mad about—”

“You told me literally two months ago that we can’t have a baby because it’s not the right time; we don’t have a house and it would be a lot of work with all of our other obligations—”

“Oh my God,” Harry sighed in annoyance. He can vaguely hear the conversation in his head. He didn’t think much of it. It was a matter of fact—a house would be better to have before a baby. But it didn’t mean he was going to hate her if the baby came out of order. “Kitten, m’so madly, desperately, disgustingly in love with you...that is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said t’me.”

She frowned. “You’re not mad?”

“Kitten,” he sighed, if she asked one more time, he might actually get mad. “Have you seriously been grumpy for a month because you thought I’d hate you?” She nodded silently. Harry rolled his eyes. “And you didn’t tell me because?”

“I thought if...if I figured something out...like I wasn’t actually pregnant and just...I don’t know infertile...you’d hate me less.”

Harry blinked. “We’ll come back to that,” he shook his head. “Kitten,” he admonished.

“What?” She asked innocently.

“We’re going to have a baby,” he said with a smile growing on his face and he pulled her to his lap and wrapped his arms around her. It was like the first night they had ever spent together, snuggled onto the couch and her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. His hand pressed protectively over her stomach.

“You’re really not mad?”

“My God, love.”

She was quiet. “I was so sure you would be mad...I didn’t even think about...I didn’t imagine you could be happy.”

He tilted her chin up to gaze down at her. “You are the best thing in my life. You are the sweetest thing I’ve ever known. I vowed to keep you safe for as long as we live. A baby is going to be hard no matter when we have it,” he whispered. “Kitten, I love you and all the babies we’re ever going to have,” he promised. “You didn’t need to hide that from me, and you didn’t need to be mean.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “Harry, truly—”

“Angel, you’re about to carry a baby for us in your body for nine months and the silly little thing is going to ruin your hormones and make you do crazy things. You are forgiven now and always,” he said pressing his lips on her forehead.

She sighed, resting her head on his chest again. “Can we just stay like this for a while? I’ve missed you so much,” she whispered.

“Yes, kitten. Always,” he murmured. His thumb inched her shirt up a bit and he drew circles on her skin there. “I adore you,” he mumbled into her hair. The relief and happiness he felt in knowing she wasn’t going to feel so miserable about him anymore was overwhelming. He thought this would be the first night he’d sleep well since July. He was excited to hold her and the baby. “Both of you. Always,” he promised.