#made this selfie yesterday night while being drunk as fuck

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary148

2/9-10/2024

friday - saturday

tomorrow i work...kind of a long time, scheduled longer than usual and i might stay late, cuz i always do. #so #exciting.

but today was really good, first thing, regular selfie from yesterday:

i really like that outfit, it made me feel very pretty, and i used it to make this:

to beg people to read my story published here:

and people have read it, and people seem to really like it, which is very nice.

i also traced that weird thing in the middle today, the original image is a photo of some meat on a cutting board, for this image, idk why, maybe i'll use it another time.

here it is alone:

i am very happy with the piece, and the fact i got really nice edits from the editor at ergot was really, idk, it made me happy, it's always nice when outside eyes, outside friends and so on, come look at your work and engage with it on that level. overall very happy, and happy people are reading and liking it.

putting it out there, in the byline, all i could really think was to put there was my tumblr, the soundcloud came later and it was mostly just because it seemed like the only other thing i could/should put up there as an actual place where i communicate, the editor told me to not really be bashful about that kind of thing/the self promoting at that time, in the byline, you know. anyway, since i put the tumblr there, it made me think about people i know coming and looking at this page, which is okay, if they/you are, but it made me think about some other stuff, and other people, and it made me go back and redact a couple things. i guess i just don't want certain people to know i've talked about them, in whatever capacity. i know saying this here, is probably dumb, it makes everyone suspect themselves, but i think it's basically everyone that is okay, really. it's not really a lot i've done, so maybe those people will figure it out anyways or something. honestly, maybe i shouldn't care.

today was crazy for other reasons too, i went out today as well, so i couldn't do music stuff, which is okay ultimately i think. i will get to it.

i did see my gf's brother today, and our friend she goes to school with, his gf who is also our friend and another friend we met at a school-related function. it was a long night and it's only now 12 am, we went crazy early i guess, crazy being relative between the 5 of us. our friend's gf left, after a while, she enjoyed finally meeting my gf's brother, she's heard a lot about him, as had our friend. when she left, the other friend came, and she enjoyed him as well, telling all his insane stories about his really fucked up life. eventually we went to another bar, and we sat there a while, as the brother and our friend got drunker, the brother did not get too drunk, while our friend got very drunk, and he's been i guess bottling a lot up inside, he lost it, kind of, and he was very very upset about a lot of things, so much, it was hard to express it all but he articulated what he could, well.

it was very sad, he was so ashamed of crying in public, but it was good, none of us there were the kind of people who care, my gf's brother got some good traits, he is very kind, he at least tries, maybe he doesn't have a handle on it perfectly. something i keep thinking about is as our friend was crying, a song came on, this must be the place, and both of them lost their shit, our friend as in getting very emotional, the brother became very excited. they hyped eachother up, sang along, and as our friend was getting lower and lower, my gf's brother kept saying lyrics from the song and going "we get that, we understand, they don't," pointing at us, like we don't understand that sort of weight i guess.

it is sad, not because like, i mean idk, i hate being excluded like that, i've put it here, how bad i feel, and things, i let it out differently, i guess i tend to need to be alone, and i guess i usually want to hurt myself, either way it doesn't matter, being told i don't understand hurts, but it's also sad because it just distances him from others, from his ability to relate to people he might not think to. it's also how their mother is, always putting others down in order to say something nice or good, basically, it's all he knows. very awful and upsetting way to interact with the world, or maybe just the people in it.

the night continued like that, her brother told stories, our friend cheered up, stuff like that, but a lot of strange neuroses all over, and i just hope everyone is okay, at the end of the night, and becoming happier, i hope her brother can maybe, through his new friend, learn new things, change in ways. maybe knowing how to be sensitive.

one thing i was worried about, was our other friend, she seemed genuinely distressed by the loud sounds, of the two men, yelling and emotional, it felt bad seeing her, it seemed like an actual fear response or something, which made me worry, maybe obvious but whatever.

my gf's brother also said some really insane stuff, about his ex, and his last time sleeping with her, which was a casual thing post hookup. kind of awful and i can't really put it here, but it was like, disturbing, how cool he tried to sound. it's so sad how he has to front. it's so sad how everyone fronts.

i am sad about our friend's struggles, i hope being there could be enough for him.

it feels weird to have thoughts outside of this kind of thing, when you experience/see it, but i do, about my music, a couple songs seem to have too much bass, and on one song, maybe the vocals are too high up, and maybe i could do something where i have the guitar things have envelope followers to modulate volume a bit.

idk, i will see tomorrow, i can mess with it a bit, this song, but i should not make a freaky deal out of it, like i tend to, i should get to the next thing on the list, after i let myself fool with the song or whatever.

anyway, i need to sleep now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[neonicsarchived-blog]

TAGGED BY @timelessnfs​ ❤

Post your lock screen, the last song you listened to, and the last selfie saved on your phone.

TAGGING — @maesterpieces, @huedskys, @aphrrodites, @auburnsouls, @villementvlity, @starhorizons, @stargcrl, @demcntia, @khcleesis​, @mxtroboomin​, idk whoever wants to tbh

[itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto]

Amsterdam with Matthew.

A/N: Hi everyone, another Matthew fic for you all! This came about when I was talking to @hercleverboy​ and @gubetube​ a while ago, and just had to fic it! 

My requests for both Matthew and Spencer Reid are open!

Trigger warnings:  Smoking (weed), drinking (alcohol), swearing, sex references/dirty talk.

“Gube, we need a holiday.” You say to your boyfriend one evening, as you cook dinner. Last night Matthew made you lasagne, using the recipe Joe gave him and tonight you are cooking a chicken curry. “I love spending time with you, but I just need a week with my favourite human where I’m not drowning in my University work.”

Matthew smiled at you as he set the table in his apartment and went over to wrap his arms around your waist pulling you into a cuddle. “Where do you fancy peach?” He asked as you leant up to kiss him which he gladly accepted.

“Hmm. I’d like to go to Amsterdam, do some touristy stuff, but also get stoned.” You giggle.

“We’ve already got stoned before muffin, how will this be different?” Matthew asked as you stir the saucepan.

“Because it’s legal there.” You say wiggling your eyebrows

“Amsterdam it is.” Matthew smiled, “How long for dinner?”

“10 minutes.” You smile

“Perfect, gives me time to start looking at places to stay and book flights.” Matthew says grabbing his computer.

“How did I get so lucky?” You thought to yourself and put the rice on to cook.

“Thanks for dinner boo.” Matthew smiled putting his bowl down. “You’re the best chef.”

You smile, “You’re welcome Gube.” And get up putting everything in the dishwasher. “Do you fancy a drink?” You ask

“Can I have a glass of red wine please?” He asks as you nod pouring him one and getting yourself a cider out of the fridge. “You want cuddles?”

“Of course, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t want cuddles from you?” You chuckle and walk to the sofa.

“You didn’t want any last week when we were at your flat.” Matthew pouts as he makes grabby hands for the wine and for you to cuddle into.

“I had cramps and wanted to be a burrito of sadness.” You say handing him his drink.

Matthew nodded, “But cuddles help.” He says sipping his drink

“My mood swings don’t.” You say. “I hate them, one minute everything is rainbows and unicorns, one minute everything is hell on earth.”

“Aww, my poor little burrito.” Matthew pouted as you snuggled into his arms and started kissing your forehead gently.

“I’m okay now Gube. I just don’t like objectifying my hatred of the world on anyone.” You smile up at him.

“Babe, I have a mother and a sister. I’ve seen it all.” Matthew assured you.

You nod sipping your drink as Matthew put his laptop on your lap and you started to book your holiday.

Two weeks later, you and Matthew arrive into Amsterdam.

“Thanks for letting me stop to chat to my fans, or should I say our fans? They love you!” Matthew smiled, carrying your suitcase and you carried the rucksacks.

“They’re just being polite.” You say, looking down.

“Nuh-uh sunshine. They chatted to you for ages about us.” Matthew smiled, “And you chatted to them whilst I had some stuff to sign.”

You smile, Matthew’s fans totally adore you two, even though you’re not famous, his fans love that you’re just a normal person like them, and you are happy with that. “I guess they do love me, but I know someone who loves me more.”

Matthew gasps dramatically, “Who?”

You giggle going on your tiptoes and kiss his lips softly, “You idiot.”

You arrive into your AirBnB for the week and slump on the sofa, tired from the flight.

“I’m going to take a shower love bug.” Matthew says getting his toiletries out.

“Okay. I’m going to try to stay awake and find us something for dinner. What do you fancy to eat?” You ask looking at your boyfriend lovingly.

“You.” Matthew winked

“Gube!” You say nudging his arm and blushing.

“You didn’t complain last night.” Matthew shrugged. “But I’ll eat whatever.” He said kissing your cheek and went to have a shower.

“Fucking horny bastard.” You mumble to yourself and get out your phone, giggling at how Matthew got horny watching you eat a banana yesterday and then you two had sex straight after.

“Hey babe…” You hear Matthew call from the shower.

“Yeah honey?” You call back

“I forgot my shampoo, be the best girlfriend ever and bring it to me?” He asks

You roll your eyes and go to get it. “Moron.” You say handing it to him.

“Can you wash my hair? It relaxes me when you do it.” Matthew says with puppy eyes.

“I can’t refuse those eyes, of course I’ll wash your hair.” You smile, knowing Matthew would do the same for you. “Close your eyes pretty boy.”

“Thanks pumpkin.” Matthew smiles once you have done the last rinse.

“You always give me such cute nicknames.” You smile kissing his hand.

“Of course angel.” Matthew smiled, “You going to stay there whilst I wash the rest of my body?”

“Mhmm.” You say checking him out.

Matthew smirks, “Okay pretty eyes, my face is up here, not my dick.”

“Whatever.” You shrug as Matthew finishes his shower and wraps himself in the towel.

You giggle and have a shower yourself. “Want me to wash your hair?” Matthew offers

“I’m okay thanks, maybe later in the week?” You suggest

Matthew nods, kissing your shoulder and goes to get ready.

Later in the evening, you and Matthew settled on Tapas.

“Can we get some space cakes to eat back at the apartment?” You ask Matthew with a grin

“Of course. I was just thinking the same.” Matthew smiled as you hold hands

“My hands are so tiny compared to yours.” You pout

“That’s okay, they fit perfectly into mine.” Matthew said kissing your hand and bringing you in for a kiss, even though you had to be on your tip toes.

You smile, even during your bad days or moments, Matthew is always there to make it better.

You go into a shop and buy some space cakes, whilst Matthew buys a few joints for you both.

“Do we need a lighter angel?” Matthew asked you

You shrug, “Can always get another.”

Matthew nods agreeing with you and buys one.

“Can we ride bikes tomorrow Gube?” You ask with puppy eyes knowing it makes Matthew melt

“Of course princess.” Matthew smiled holding his hand out for you as you walked back to the AirBnB

“Okay, so we got alcohol, an ash tray, a lighter, all the weed, and my dream girl.” Matthew said checking you had everything now you were back at the AirBnB.

“Yep.” You smile, putting two glasses of water on the table as Matthew flops on the sofa, opening his arms for you.

“Come here baby girl.” Matthew smiles as you gladly snuggle into his arms and start eating a space cake, which Matthew takes a few bites from.

“You want to light up?” You ask Matthew, smiling at him like a goof.

“Sure.” Matthew said kissing your cheek first and then lit the joint. “I love getting stoned with you.” He said after taking a drag.

“I love you.” You say smooshing his cheeks, then kiss them both and take the joint off him.

“I love you too.” Matthew smiles.

“Joints are definitely stronger here. Not complaining though.” You say as you exhale.

“Mmm.” Matthew says burring his face in your chest.

After a few joints, you and Matthew are definitely feeling the buzz and are slow dancing to ‘Dancing in the moonlight’.

“You know if we ever have kids, I’m going to be so cross if they wear matching socks.” Matthew said as he took the joint from you.

You exhale, “I can just imagine you going ‘sweetie, your Mummy and Daddy love you very much but in the Gubler household we wear mis-matched socks, now please go back upstairs and change.’” You say in a strict Mum voice.

“Remember when my Mum caught us having sex at New Year?” Matthew laughs

You blush, “I was so embarrassed because you said you locked the door!”

“You told me you were sober.” Matthew giggled.

“Never trust an Irish girl when she says she’s sober after 10 pints.” You giggle as Matthew pulls you in for a kiss. “Are my eyes red?” You ask

“Yeah. Are mine?” Matthew asks as you nod.

“As red as the devils horns.” You say trying to keep a straight face.

“Do you want to have sex?” Matthew asked, even when he’s stoned or drunk, he’d never do anything you didn’t want to do.

“Yeah.” You smile like an idiot.

Matthew scooped you in his arms and you snuggled into them as he carried you to bed.

The following day

You wake up first, and put a top and leggings on, and go to the bathroom careful not to wake your pretty boyfriend and then go to make him a coffee, and a herbal tea for yourself.

Meanwhile Matthew wakes up, sad you’re not there, he’s been trying to get you to move in for a while, but as you don’t study where he lives, you’d have to commute two hours every day so you both agreed, once you graduate, you’d move in together.

Matthew smiles seeing you poor him a coffee. “Hi pretty lady.” He says in a raspy voice.

“Morning love muffin.” You smile handing him the mug.

“Thank you. Did you sleep okay?” He asks

You nod, “Yeah. I was fully knocked out after our fun.” You say sipping your tea. “Oh, I booked for us to do some stuff this week. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Stuff?” Matthew asks

“Well, bike riding and a few museums.” You shrug

“Sounds good cupcake.” Matthew smiled, “What’s for breakfast?”

“I got a delivery of waffles coming.” You smile, “Should be here in 15 minutes.”

“You’re the best.” Matthew said kissing your hand

Later on in the afternoon, you and Matthew are cycling around Amsterdam having the best time. “Babe, can we get lunch? I’m hungry.” You ask

“Of course.” Matthew smiled, “What do you fancy?”

“Maybe a picnic, we could get some stuff and sit by the canal?” You suggest

“Aww, I love that.” Matthew said and you cycled to the nearest shop to get some food.

“Thanks for the holiday Gube.” You say sipping your lemonade by the canal.

Matthew snaps a few cute selfies of you both, before putting them on Instagram. “Amsterdam with the best girlfriend who’s also my best friend.” Was the caption

“Aww.” You smile looking through the photos

“When did you take this one?” Matthew asked going on your Instagram, seeing the one of him on his phone wearing a white t-shirt.

“When we got stoned in my flat last time.” You say, “You were so giggly and I just had to take the picture. If you don’t like it, I’ll take it down.”

“No, it’s fine.” Matthew assured you. “We must’ve been really out of it.”

You laugh. “We were.”

Matthew smiles as you put your head on his shoulder and kisses your forehead gently. “Thank you for the holiday darling.”

“You paid for the flights.” You shrug

“You paid for the AirBnB.” Matthew smiled, even though Matthew could afford the whole thing, you still wanted to pay some of it. Matthew knows you never take advantage of him or his money, and it is one of the things he loves about you.

“Gube?” You ask

“Yes my love?” Matthew smiled

“Can we just stay here for a bit? I’m quite comfy.” You say

“Of course angel.” Matthew said draping a blanket over you two and you stayed there for a while just enjoying each-others company.

Taglist: @pumpkin-goob​ , @jpegjade​ , @andiebeaword​ , @hopebaker​ , @hotchsbabygirl​ , @hercleverboy​ , @cupcake525​ , @gubetube​ , @aperrywilliams​ , @cosmic-psychickitty​ , @marleyhotchner​ , @gubler-me-up​ , @trina2323​ , @goldentournesol

[xsmilexb4uxdiex]

1/21/2021

Last night, I lost access to 2 years worth of photos on my iPhone 7.

Yesterday afternoon, I had the urge to change all my passwords and use a password manager given the rise of hacked accounts lately. I also felt inspired to update my iPhone because it’s been a while since I’ve done it. 

The update took nearly 5 fuckin hours and didn’t even complete. So I decided to restart that mother fucker but it ended up making the situation worse. It went into recovery mode. I tried to exit out of recovery mode using a third-party application, but that ended up destroying my iPhone even more...it wouldn’t turn on after that. 

I am writing this post as replacement of photos I had on my iPhone so that I can look back if I ever want to. I don’t have anything else to do so might as well. 

1. The first set of photos I remember are from Danny’s house. It was the first holiday party hosted at Danny’s house. Our entire family, included extended, was there. Dad’s side. Mom’s side. The photos I remember most clearly are the backyard photos. We took photos at the edge of the backyard, where the ground level was higher. I remember taking photos of us as we finished taking the photos and everyone was heading back to what they were doing. It basically a photo of everyone’s back. I remember Oscar’s gray sweater distinctly.  I also took candid photos of family members throughout the house. I don’t remember who in particular, but I do know everyone was smiling. I remember the feeling quite well, so that’s gotta mean something.

2. The second set of photos I remember are from my freshman year take Tahoe trip. I remember taking of photos of the cabin. I remember taking photos of the set of movies on the table. The same set of movies we all voted on. I don’t think we ended up watching a movie that night. I also remember the couch that I slept on. The beds were taken. I also remember taking photos of friends walking up to Lake Tahoe. I specifically remember Telis walking up to the lake. I also remember photos of us near the mountain side. The mountain where if you went to the peak, you could be able to see Nevada and a desert on the other side. 

3. I also remember photos from the cooking competition I did with Kevin. That was an unexpected thrill. We cooked porkchops, with risotto, green and red peppers, and some mushrooms. I don’t know how we won but our dish was clean. 

4. I remember that video of me and Callum doing push ups in the Arroyo lounge. That funny as fuck. One of my first interactions with him. 

5. I also remember that selfie I took with Ina. She might have been my first crush at Stanford to be honest. We got along so well but didn’t have classes together. She was in pre-med and I was in CS. We talked less when I started pledging for AKPsi. Sigh. 

6. I remember those photos with the llamas. I still have those on Google Drive actually. 

7. I remember that photo of Eduardo building his first PC. 

8. I remember that photo of Ryan Tran turning back. We were at the basketball game. I remember that photo of Ryan’s hair. It was weird because he wore his headsets all the time. I also remember how went to Jonathans all the time to finish up the pset and ate so much food. Fun times. 

9. I remember that video of Saketh saying that he won’t have his room be that messy next quarter. Weird video to be honest. 

10. I also remember that weird photo we took outside of Ramen Nagi. I remember Alex and Jake being there. Not sure who else, but it was very awkward. 

11. I took photos of SF and what not. I probably had Scavenger Hunt videos. 

12. I do remember those sunrise photos that I had. Good times. With Kim and Alex.

13. I also remember that photo on the way to the Big Game. It was in Collin’s car and I remember taking that photo on the bridge. It was fucking rainy. 

14. I also remember that selfie I took with Jake inside the library. I was applying to those financial services internships. Fuck those. 

15. I also remember the photos of Mateo fucking drunk. Funiiest shit ever. 

16. I had that video of Nina playing Minecraft. Nina. Sigh. 

17. I also remember that photo of the running tradition in freshman year. Haha that was funny and fun. 

18. I also remember that photo when I was TV. I was at the basketball game and they were showing the audience. I was in the front row. It was pretty cool. I remember Pierce being there. 

19. I remember the photos with Julian and Kevin all dressed up. I took one with Ina too. Haha Julian looked hilarious there. 

20. Most importantly, I had those videos of moving into Stanford. I remember watching a particular video that made me cry a lot. It was me, my dad, my mom, and my brother on the Golden Gate bridge. It was just like the movies. 

Sadly, I don’t remember much else. 

As I’m writing this post, I recall that most of the photos on my iPhone are from friends sharing their iCloud albums. So it is likely that a lot of the sophomore year photos will be saved. 

[wetwellie]

Your Name AU

(because i’ve seen this movie a bajillion times and it makes me feel things and i am FEELING THINGS about zimbits rn) (It probably won’t work, but i’m gonna make it work)

 Bitty is a guy who is trying to peacefully spend his last summer before heading off to college in peace. 

He spends his days working his part time job at his Aunt’s produce stand. 

and Baking

and playing club hockey twice a week

Fairly peaceful

and...boring as hell

Until the dreams start

Jack has just started his third year at Samwell university

he’s still broken

still anxious

still the “golden boy” --even if he doesn’t feel like hes polished and shining

but he’s making do

and making friends

just a year or two left until

until what?

graduation? getting signed? 

wasting away? 

Jack doesn’t know. But he’s resigned to focus on hockey and let the rest of the world pass him by

Until the dreams start

Jack wakes up and it’s too hot

He shifts to get out of bed and finds that the covers he is tearing away from his body

are not his

or Shitty’s

or any of his roommates’

also. uh

those skinny legs and short shorts are not his

his hands look different too

and his face feels different

and the voice that calls to him from downstairs is not one he knows

huh

well

weird dream

hope it’s over soon

Bitty goes downstairs to eat the next day

His parents are both fairly silent

“I see you got over whatever mood you were in yesterday, young man”

“mood?”

“it doesn’t matter.”

That’s all he gets out of them

When he drives to the produce stand his cousins run up to him smiling

“I see that you actually remembered how to drive that thing”

“What?” says Bitty

“yesterday you were all over the place. almost knocked over the stand. if you were anyone else I’d think you were drunk”

“Aunt Judy figures you might have been possessed” the other cousin says

“With a fit of stupidity”

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about” Bitty says

“It doesn’t matter. Just don’t ‘get lost’ or forget ‘how to drive stick’ again, Dicky” she says using finger quotes

Later in the day, Suzanne asks Bitty if he’s really feeling ok. 

She was really worried about yesterday’s behavior

Bitty replies that , despite evidence on the contrary, he feels normal

They finish up some jars of jam and Bitty returns to his room for the night

There is where he finds it

Tucked under his pillow there is a note in scratchy handwriting

“Who are you?”

Bitty wakes up cold, in a bed that is too big for him

an alarm he doesn’t remember setting, or ever having, is blaring next to him

he looks to see the time

4:30 am

oh. 

hell no

bitty gets up to unplug the dream alarm clock, and returns to sleep

Bitty wakes up 6 hours later with another man coming into bed with him

This man is naked

and moustached

one of those dreams? huh

never would he dream about this kind of guy though

because this guy doesn’t crawl into bed, like he thought

he wraps bitty in a burrito made out of comforters and yanks him onto the floor

“I know you needed to a break, but let the coaches know before you sleep through morning practice like that”

“practice?”

“yeah. and you’re lucky that I’m waking you up in time to go to your 11am.” 

“but it’s summer”

naked moustache man just looks at him and rolls his eyes

“we’ll grab lunch after class”

“Wait!”

“What”

“...where is my class?”

Jack wakes up the next day 

and is dragged to the doctor to test for a possible concussion

“the things you were saying and doing yesterday were crazy”

“you skipped morning practice”

“After class you threw down your notes and said you’d never major in History”

“You baked seven as an apology for skipping morning practice”

“And then you dropped into fetal position in afternoon practice when Ollie was about to check you”

“And you took, i don’t know, 7000 selfies of yourself and called yourself handsome”

“have you ever taken a selfie before in your life?”

jack just shakes his head

“yeah. like i said you’re getting checked for a concussion”

Did I hit my head? , Jack asks

“no. but it can’t be” Shitty pauses “It wouldn’t be your other thing would it?”

I don’t think so he says. 

Jack has never really had memory problems. and his anxiety and panic never particularly affected him in the way described

faintly, he recalls a young boy at one of his games right before the draft, voice broken as he says “Jack, don’t you remember me?”

it leaves his mind as quickly as it entered

because he had bigger problems to figure out

namely how he had new entries on the journal on his phone

it was a summary of all of the things that “Jack” did the previous day

“Thanks for a long day of being a Big Shot on campus, handsome!”

signed Eric

Eric?? 

Who the hell is Eric? 

it happens again 

Jack spends a day as bitty

and Bitty spends a day as Jack

and they wake up not remembering too much about what happens

the only thing that cements that it’s not just a weird dream is that

well...real life consequences

Jack becomes a lot more...spinny and less up for contact when he plays hockey

and ends up enjoying time with his teammates a lot more

and has a huge country dialect now

and one time someone came up to him speaking french and jack had no idea what was going on???

and he smiles sometimes??? 

and at the end of the day he’s almost always on his phone typing away

Bitty is able to kick ass into gear with hockey

but can’t bake worth shit

honestly, suzanne hasn’t seen anything of that quality since bitty was seven

AND he had to check a recipe

also, he’s started to bike to work

driving stick is impossible

he’s very serious on some days

he spends his evenings watching history documentaries and writing in a journal

Well. It seems like this is just gonna be life for a while, they both figure

best set up some rules

Bitty, as Jack, is NOT ALLOWED TO DITCH CLASSES

no use of the word y’all

no beyonce

no short shorts

don’t drop like a brick when someone comes to check you

seriously Eric it’s fine 

Eric it’s my body that would get hurt don’t worry

also please don’t drink or use drugs in my body

it’s a long story but again

it’s my body

Jack-as-Bitty is asked to be polite to his friends and customers

and please never bake anything ever

don’t leave the house dressed like some weird clothing outlet exploded

if you yell at my teammates i swear to god, mr. zimmermann. 

don’t disrespect senor bun

or anyone

stop frowning so much, even Coach has asked me about it and i don’t know what to say

don’t watch stuff on my netflix account. your history documentaries are messing up my recommendations

Despite the rules

They find ways to keep bothering each other

But also trying to make each other better

As captains of each others teams, both teams are able to benefit from their guidance

Bitty’s team gets a lot stronger technically

but kind of hate how much of a hardass Bitty is 3 times a week

The SMH is more in synch with each other than ever

and Bitty is able to help out a lot more

But Jack ends up having to put a lot of money in the sin bin for 

‘acting off’

Jack is very upset to find a picture of himself in the swallow, sitting on the roof of the Haus shirtless and wearing short shorts chilling

like

what the fuck Eric 

But they get a little routine down, and nothing changes except for minor nuisances

so whatever 

It all works good until one day, while Jack and Suzanne are bonding over making jam, Suzanne looks Jack right in the eyes and says 

“oh...you’re not my dicky. you’re dreaming aren’t you?”

Jack snaps awake in his bed

not Eric’s bed. His bed

Huh. weird. 

He goes to check his phone and of course, there is a long journal entry left over from the day he didn’t get

It’s all mostly ok until he gets to the end

“It looks like your first big hockey game is tomorrow night! Be sure to have fun. Enjoy it!”

“There’s a comet tonight for me. I’ll take lots of pictures so that you can see it next time we ...do whatever we do”

 Jack and the SMH win the game. and he actually tries to have fun. but the only person he wants to celebrate with is

well

he’s in georgia

bUT

Jack has a phone

He dials bitty’s cellphone number that has been saved in his contact

his heart is beating quite fast. 

and then he hears 

“We’re sorry. The number you have dialed is no longer in service”

 Jack stops switching after that

He should be relieved. overjoyed

but he’s not

he doesn’t miss the humidity

or the dirt roads

or the bugs

but he does miss something

and he’s forgetting all about it

so he tries searching online for the town

the town he can’t remember the name of

he doesn’t want to forget, so he starts drawing sketches of what he remembers

they’re not bad

pretty darn good, even

Not as good as Lardo’s, but she’s still abroad

He tries to call Eric’s number a couple more times. He gets the same results

 Jack can’t take it anymore

During the winter break, Jack flies down to Georgia for a weekend, rents a car, and drives himself in the general area he remembers the town

he stops locals and shows them sketches

“is there any town nearby that looks like this?”

they all respond in the negative

he does this for hours

the sun is starting to set when he resigns to give up

he pulls into a diner in the town he’s in, orders, and looks at his sketches again

maybe it’s possible that the town isn’t...even real?

it really could have just been his dreams

that is what he thinks when the server returns with some water

“Hey. that’s a pretty good picture of Godfrey”

 “Godfrey?”

“Yeah. I grew up there.” he says looking a bit sad

“Can you tell me how to get there?” 

The server pauses and gives Jack a mourned, but puzzled look “ it was about a 15 minute drive from here but-” 

“it was?”

“you didn’t hear about what happened?”

Jack shakes his head. 

“If you don’t mind,I’ll take you to it after you finish your dinner”

It’s all gone. 

Oh God. 

Everything from the small ice cream shop to the old creek where Bitty’s cousins would hang around

It’s all rubble

and mounds of dirt

Literal miles

Jack can’t breathe

he can’t

breathe

just breathe

just

breat--

[haiyuta]

distance (m) || Bang Chan

summary: distant relationship with bang chan so you video call each other

word count: 2.2k || Genre: masturbation, video call, want, tease, babygirl

a/n: I’ve become a loyal Bang Chan stan so I needed to write for him. So stray kids is open for request now I guess lolz. Enjoy my crappy smut lol. 

Glancing at our phone you smiled looking at the newest update of your boyfriend. Fan accounts always keeping you updated on him as he and his band members greet the press yesterday. Your heart was heavy knowing he was an ocean away in Korea while you were stuck going to an American college.

The time difference, the lack of calls and the busy schedules you both had limited the time to text often. It was still nice sending daily snaps as he showed you selfies of Korea and you sent him snaps of you whining about all the work your classes have given you. You know what they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. 

Looking at the clock you realized it was already 7 pm so in Korea it was about 8 am. He was probably already up and busy with schedules but you still could text him to see. 

You snuggled in his sweater he sent you a month ago claiming with a cute note 'I wouldn't be a good boyfriend if I didn't send my girl my clothing'. 

Looking at the last text message he sent it was just a simple 'Love you fighting' from last night. Rolling over your fingers went to his name you cringed at the name he put into your phone "Best Boy Bang Chan'.

You: Good Morning!! (Don't forget to say it back)

Clicking send you clutched your phone waiting for him to text back. Almost immediately he did.

Best Boy Bang Chan: Gooo Morn

Best Boy Bang Chan: Even though its night for you

Smiling you quickly typed back.

You: Hm...it is but I'm not sleepy yet so I'm just going to bother you

Best Boy Bang Chan: You? The most beautiful girlfriend in the world a bother yeah no. 

Best Boy Bang Chan: Bother me forever, please

Smiling you leaned back wishing you could hear his voice already. Pursuing your lips you tempted the thought deciding it's better to ask and a no then not know at all.

You: I wish I could hear you say that

Best Boy Bang Chan: I could always call youuuu I'm free but...

Best Boy Bang Chan: I'm going to need a, please

Rolling your eyes.

You: Please

Best Boy Bang Chan: Pleaseeee whattt

Huffing you felt defeated. 

You: Please...Daddy Chan

Best Boy Bang Chan: that's the magic word

Rolling on your bed you cringed at the name he just loved to be called. His not so hidden kink he had being called Daddy.

A few seconds later you heard your phone buzz rapidly showing you were getting a video call. You raised an eyebrow at getting a video call but shrugged it off answering the phone. You quickly pressed your hair down and tried to look like you weren't just going to bed.

Biting your lip you swiped on the green button accepting the face time. Feeling your stomach swim with butterflies to see Chan lit up on the other side of the phone. You put your hand over your mouth to stop a gasp from escaping. It felt like you haven't seen him in forever.

"Heyyy baby,"  Chan was in an empty practice room leaning on the mirror. His hair was bleached with small black roots already popping out with a wide smile on his face.

"Hey Chan," you replied smoothly keeping your cool even though you wanted to just jump up and down seeing him.

"HIII Y/n," you heard Felix deep voice yell for you. Grinning at the deep voice  Chan faced the camera to Felix who was laying on the floor.

"Hey Felix," you called back seeing him laying out on the floor.

"So how are you Y/n," Chan said walking out the room as he came to an empty hallway. Reaching a row of doors he entered one closing the door behind him.

Grinning you answered, “I’m good just bored.” Watching Chans own little studio he had. 

You heard Chan close a door. "Finally some privacy," Chan said sitting down on the chair. You finally got a peek at his outfit it was a white shirt and some black joggers.

"You sound tired," you said worrying about Chans well being. Being an idol especially in a company like his was stressful. "You better be taking care of yourself," you commented.

Chan smooth voice chuckled "I'm fine this morning we have practice in an hour I just got finished with one or two melodies." "Is that my hoodie," he hummed.

Blushing "Yeah it is," you paused "thanks for sending me it," you said. Having some of his stuff made you feel safe and secure. Especially with him being across the ocean away from you. "It's so nice hearing your voice," you whispered. Your eyes glued to the camera as Chan ran his fingers through his hair.

"You just like hearing my accent," he chuckled. Of course, you did his accent was smooth and unique. His multilingual accent from Korean to English making you love it even more.

"Mhm you got me I do love hearing it," you commented truthfully shifting on your bed sitting up more. "I also just really miss you." Chan sighed his eyes staring at the phone looking so deep at you. Your fingers just wanted to reach out and touch his blond hair and kiss those soft lips. Those soft lips that kissed yours many times.

"You look really good in my clothing," Chan praised. You licked your lips in the thought you gave a soft smile snuggling into it.

"It's super comfortable," the sweater was nice and warm and still smelt like him.  "You know you aren't getting this back," you laughed. 

Chan gave you a charming smile "Keep it I have a million others with your name on it."

Biting your lip you shyly looked at him. More to come that made you shiver with excitement. 

Moving around he looked down and sighed "Y/nnnn," he whined out. "Why do you do to me," he huffed his cheeks slightly flushed.

"What do I do to you," you said innocently trying to keep your voice low.

Chan rolled his neck back and huffed in annoyance and put his phone to the side. "I have practice in 45 mins and now I'm turned on," he whined out. 

Raising an eyebrow "I didn't even do anything," you giggled realizing Chan was excited. 

Chan smiled "I know right you don't even need to do anything just seeing you is enough," he said almost dreamily. "I love when you bite your lip and how you snuggle in my clothing," his deep voice whined at you. You drunk in the state of Chan as his neck rolled back his eyes stared back at you and his face twisted with want. "I wish I could just be there to hold you."

Turning away you gave a small whine "Same," you agreed. That's all you wanted was to hold, hug and chill with your boyfriend.

You felt your arousal lift through your body just seeing Chan. "Well I have time," you whispered biting your lip. You and Chan have done this before but you wanted it more than ever.

"Mhm baby girl," he hummed. Chan dark eyes gazed at you with want. "Could you touch yourself," his words came out slow filled with desire.

"Only for you," you hummed back laying your back on your headboard you throw the sweater half off revealing an old tee shirt you had on.

“Of course only for me cause you love me,” his smooth accent said the word love making you stir with want. Lifting up your shirt to tease the skin showing. "I just want to touch you," he gave a low groan seeing you tease him. Eyeing the camera you angled it to show you lifting off your shirt ever so slowly. Letting your fingers play with your skin. 

"I just want to kiss your lips," you moaned back the desire to kiss those puffy lips of his overcoming you. 

Chan hummed in agreement. His eyes glued to the camera his one hand already moving slowly. "Your eager" you giggled looking at him.

Giving you a smirk he pointed the camera toward his joggers showing he was rubbing himself through the fabric. "You just look so sexy," he said lifting the camera back to him.

"Even in my ugly pajamas," you grimaced at the reality you weren't wearing anything 'sexy' or 'hot'.

"Anything you wear makes you sexy," he moaned as he kept rubbing himself out. Your chest fluttered with love from his words. "Hm baby girl play with your nipples please," he sounded desperate with want.

Grinning you took your one hand and messed with your chest. You felt your stomach turn with want as you flicked and played with them. Trying to mimic how Chan would do it. Slightly rough as he rubs and flicks your nipple as he would nead your breast with his large hands.

"Just like that," he moaned through the phone. His handsome face twisted with pleasure. "Fuck Y/n look what are you doing to me," he whined showing his erection through his joggers.

You licked your lips just wanting to touch him. He eyed you as he slowly lifted up his shirt showing off his defined chest. "Chan," you whined out he already knew this was your kink seeing his toned abs. "Ugh you're perfect," you whined out.

Chan grinned leading his hand across his torso "I can just imagine your nails racking down my torso like love," he moaned his hand slowly slipping past his waistband as he touched himself. The lewd nature of watching him touch himself as you played with yourself over video call made you bite your lips.

"Fuck Y/n touch yourself please," he moaned. He pulled his pants down showing his fine muscle line as he showed his hard cock. It was a deep red and was slightly moist at the tip. He blushed a little "sorry I'm just really desperate," he apologized.

Shaking your head you mumbled a quick 'its fine,' as you watched him run his hand over himself a few times. Your fingers reached down to touch yourself through your panties you threw your head back in pleasure at the contact.

"Bang Chan," you whined his full name as you rubbed against yourself in a needy manner. Chan let out a similar groan as he gave slow strokes of his cock.

You wanted to take your eyes off the camera but you couldn't see his large hand engulfed on himself made you shiver with want. "Y/n let me hear you moan," he whined out.

Watching him get himself off made you shiver with want and intensity. A whiny moan left your mouth whining his name "Chan," you whined out. Your fingers danced across your slit just imagining Chan's fingers doing it to you. You closed your eyes just enjoying the pleasure.

Throwing his head back you watched as Chan clear as day thrust his hips into his hand as he came with a heavy groan. Strings of white spilled on his lap and hand. Some of it got some on his joggers. He slowed down his strokes as he squeezed his dick tighter.

Seeing the sight of him getting himself off your fingers thrust harder as you chased an orgasm. The pent up emotions filled you as you came. "Hm Chan," you moaned as the bundle of pleasure licked you from head to toe.

It was quiet for a few moments as you calmed down from your orgasm your legs felt weary and your eyes felt heavy from it already being close to 9.

"Fuck my pants," Chan whined looking down at his stained pants.

You giggled with a short reply of "that sucks."

He gave you a dorky smile and looked at you "Your face was just too much," he bite his lip gazing at you.

"I'm tired," you hummed laying back down on your bed leaning the phone against the wall as you looked at Chan.

"I have to start my day with some practice in a few," he frowned looking at you.

The time to say goodbye was upon the two of you. "I don't wanna leave the call," clutching your phone with dread.

"Me neither," he gave a small pout gazing at you. "You look tired baby girl," that fluttering feeling filled your chest at the name.

"I am." The feeling of heaviness was behind your eyelids from the stress of school.

"Get some sleep my girlie," he smirked.

"See ya Chan," you grimaced at the feeling of leaving him.

"See you real soon my girl," he smirked giving you a cute look gesture. You giggled as your finger hovered over the end call as you ended it.

Sighing you laid your head down hating that you had to end the call. He was an idol and you were lucky you even got this 30-minute call.

Looking at your phone you stared at the picture of Bang chan seeing fans love him warmed your heart. Closing your eyes you let sleep overtake you.

Chan leaned his head back against the chair watching as the screen went dead.  Sighing he smiled at the phone shutting it off. His hand went to his chest feeling his heart swell with love at you over the line.

"Chan hurry up we are practicing some of the world tour dances," he heard Felix call him through the door.

"Sure I'll be real in a few," he said smiling he was eager to finally get this tour going and see you.

[befitandchase]

I realized something today

Things just keep getting worse. Last night at dinner, I bought a bottle of wine for the table and ended up drinking most of it myself.

I got home around 10, luckily sober, and fell asleep rather quickly. But at a little past 2am, I got one of the worst Charlie horses in my life. My left leg cramped so badly, I felt absolutely paralyzed by the pain. I tried to sit up and put my feet on the floor in a bid to stop it, but it just got so much worse. Then my right leg began to cramp as well, and I knew I was in trouble. I texted my sister “help” but she didn’t respond, so I called her. Her first question was “are you in your room?” Of course I was. She came in a minute later as I was literally sobbing from the pain and helped massage my leg. After several minutes, the cramps abated, so I said I’m sorry and thank you, went to the bathroom, then went back to bed thinking nothing of it.

I wake up this morning, she’s already at work and my BIL is playing video games on his computer. That’s all fine and dandy. I spend the morning laying in bed reading fic and going through my social media feeds. Mocha decides to be a cute little shit and hops on top of my legs, falling asleep a few minutes later.

I don’t move for two hours because I don’t wanna wake her and my left foot goes numb. Not a bad price to pay for this amount of cuteness.

After she wakes up, my mom calls and says she and my dad are coming over. Ok, sure, fine. It’s not like they stay for more than a few minutes anyway. My sister gets home from work a few minutes later.

Everything seems fine. I’ve got my laundry going. The day feels okay. I’m not stressed about anything. Then my parents get to the house. I’m put on the spot immediately for what happened overnight. And it’s not the typical family ribbing you get that you can brush off. It’s one accusation after another.

“I thought you were drunk!” And “You scared us!” And “You know we couldn’t sleep after that.” That was just my sister and BIL. My parents were just as bad. “You shouldn’t have been drinking so much!” And “Why didn’t you come home earlier?” And all this other shit that made it impossible for me to defend myself. The anxiety hit me lightning fast and I just became completely withdrawn. I mumbled an apology, kept my head down, and stared at my phone the rest of the time.

To complicate things even more, today was one of those days where I really didn’t want to be alone because of dark thoughts throughout the week that kept me on edge, and the 45 minute panic attack I had yesterday morning at work. I just wanted to spend time around people, and I was basically robbed of that as well.

The two friends I have left were working full shifts today, so spending time with them was out of the question. My sister mentioned going out shopping and I would have liked to go, but just asking got me a really resentful sounding “No!”

“But wh-“

“Noooo.”

I haven’t really left my bed since then, and that was over 6 hours ago. So, yeah, hello negative thoughts. Welcome back to being passively suicidal.

On days like today, I really do feel like an afterthought. Like I’m less than human. Like I don’t belong and everybody hates me for being so fucked up that they don’t even want to be seen with me out in public.

It’s okay. I get it. I wouldn’t wanna be seen out in public with myself either. I’m a hot mess with more issues than the New York Times. Not to mention, last night while drunk I had a debate with my friend and her mom about mental health to the point where I actually confessed to having skin picking disorder due to my anxiety because we were talking about the family member who went through with suicide and died earlier this year.

Yes, I know, how does that even relate? Well, apparently toward the last few months of this kids short life, he began cutting between his toes, places that weren’t easily seen, and that he’d been doing it because of “problems at school.” There wasn’t much elaboration on it, but it just prompted me to explain that it was similar to what I was going through in my life. And the worst part about it was basically saying, “You see my face? That’s how my anxiety manifests.” Hence the reason I rarely post selfies (besides the fact that I’m fat and ugly). It’s been getting so much worse this year that not even makeup can cover it because the entire space between my eyebrows is just thick scabs. I’m embarrassed to go out everyday, especially at work where I have to interact with people, but I’ve learned to somehow tune it out and just exist. I’ve been lucky in the simple fact that no one has ever asked me about the scabs and the scars, but I know it’s going to happen someday.

JFC, I’m one hell of a messed up piece of shit human being.

Imma just stop now because this is pretty depressing and I already feel awful about today.

[kathillards]

rangerstop day two

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS SHOUTED US OUT AT THEIR PANEL AZIM TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WHO MET BECAUSE OF POWER RANGERS AND POINTED AT US AND THE MEGAFORCE RANGERS ALL CHEERED AND TOLD US TO STAND UP OH MY GOD

uhhh sorry how do i move on from that how do i even think about anything else. the panel room was CROWDED people were FILMING kat and tabby had gone up to ask questions (which were HUGE hits) and come back and sat down AND THEN AZIM SAID THAT in the middle of a question about. i dont even fucking remember. something about what great community values power rangers has or something? and i guess we were related to power rangers being a community or whatever but bitch. BITCH. he said it and like pointed at us and they all started clapping (this sounds fake as hell i know BUT THERES VIDEO PROOF SOMEWHERE???) and everyone turned to look at us and we were like hi and then like two minutes later azim went “oh wait i have to make a correction, its not a group of girls its three girls and one guy because i think abigail isnt here? right?” and we were like ya so uh moral of the story... azim rizk i would murder ten hundred men for you

ok other things happened too, this will probably not be in chronological order bc i cant think right now 

- mike ginn stopped when he saw me and looked for tabby who was hiding behind me when she saw him and he looked around for tabby and did his pointing thing again and it was so cuuute

- kat was talking to christina about how we avoided the cast all day yesterday and she was like “yes but i saw you anyway ;) and i was wondering when you’d come over to say hi!” shes so CUTE and then they talked about her rescue puppy and she was so happy to talk about her puppy

- ciara and christina made ben sign the art presents he gave them, ciara did it first and christina was like OMG WHY DIDNT YOU AUTOGRAPH MINE and made him sign hers too

- christina and i did a WHOLE photoshoot we did a normal pic then a silly pic but then she didnt like so we did a kissy face pic and she was like “oh i think i did a duck face” and im like thats ok so did i AND OUR PICS ARE SO CUTE AND SHE HUGGED ME SO TIGHT I. WOULD. DIE. FOR. YOU. CHRISTINA. MASTERSON.

- selwyn called tabby his girlfriend when i showed up without her he was like “wheres my girlfriend” bc he remembered us from last night and then she came over and he was like THERE YOU ARE and gave her a free selfie (and signed her space dvd with “tj is the real leader of in space” but refused to X out andros’ face bc that was mean) and he covered up najee’s face on her kevin t-shirt and then was upset bc it looked like he was touching her chest and tracy lynn laughed at him over it AND THEN HE TOLD US TO COME TO THE TGIF IN THE HOTEL AFTERWARDS BC THE RANGERS WERE GONNA GO THERE AND GET DRUNK AND HE INVITED US TO HAVE DRINKS W/ HIM but we stood him up because... we are tired... he was like “yeah we have this stupid vip dinner but like we’re gonna try to leave early and just go get fucking smashed” and we were like ur so valid selwyn. i love you.

- kat showed azim my tweets defending megaforce and he had to put the phone down to run his hands through his hair and be like “wow that was such a specific takedown” and kat was like “yeah she just says this shit all the time bc shes seen megaforce five hundred times” and he was like “she was so detailed though she didnt just say ‘you suck’ she put THOUGHT into her takedowns” 

- (later when he signed my super megaforce green print he called me “my sista in social media smackdown!!!” complete with that many exclamation points)

- brennan said “i like your hat” to ben five times and he also signed tabby’s as well with his three catchphrases (she asked for him to write “awesome!” and he was like “i had more lines than that....”) he also told us he and the dino charge team were invited back for a dc/nsteel teamup but they kept cancelling them bc of budget reasons till it was just him and yoshi and he was finally like “i told them to just bring yoshi back because like thats his brother” and i was like “but then they didnt even INTERACT” and he was like “i KNOW”

- tabby’s tracy story: she asked tracy if it was uncomfortable fighting in crop tops and short skirts and tracy said “it wasnt uncomfortable but it was hard to not show everything” and she was like “idk why a power ranger would dress like that” and tabby told her ashley should have her own fashion line of athletic wear for fighter girls and tracy was like YES and tabby said she should have been leader of turbo bc she was into cars and tracy said that when they told her that ashley was gonna have a car plot she was like “ew no i dont want to touch greasy car oils” but that she was happy that ashley got to challenge herself

- kat was standing around azim the entire morning and he was introducing her to everyone who came up to him like she was his handler and at one point accidentally implied that she was his girlfriend and kat was like no im not and he was like “oh whoops it did kinda sound like that...” and his actual handler was like “why did u correct him” and kat was like “NO I LOVE HIS GIRLFRIEND” 

- when i was taking my pics w/ the megaforce cast and andrew was the sweetest angel and he kept making poses over my shoulder while i giggled and then he asked me for a hug and KISSED MY CHEEK and hugged me so tight and was like “love you guys” I WOULD DIE FOR YOU ANDREW GRAY

- john mark is literally the funniest person alive and he was constantly going around the megaforce booth when we were there like (to ben when he was giving art to ciara and christina) “WHERES MINE” and to me when i was having them sign my megaforce prints “WHERES MINE” hes so funny and i love himmm

- ciara was signing my prints but she got distracted when we asked about her dogs and she stopped and opened her phone and started showing us pics and videos and she was soo happy to talk about her dogs too and then we took our pic and checked it to make sure it looked good and tabby was like “you look gorgeous” and she was like “we BOTH look gorgeous” i cannot believe. AND THEN she threw in a group photo for FREE and we all got in there

- kat was telling us and azim about some douchebag vendor who was like hitting on her and inviting her to an afterparty and was like “are you over 21″ when she was just trying to look at his spd toys and azim was literally “which guy. where. where is he.” HE WAS GONNA KILL THAT GUY FOR KAT HE LOVES HER

- we somehow got on the subject of azim SHAVING HIS BEAUTIFUL BEARD and he was like “oh well we went to the make a wish foundation to meet kids and the beard scares them so i had to shave” and i was like “thats racist” and he was like nooo but u could tell his mind was blown and i was like “cameron didnt shave” and he was like “well cameron is white” and i was like SO YOU ADMIT ITS RACIST and he laughed also im correct

- related but michael copon came over to jessica rey’s table while we were there and she was like “hi michael these are my FRIENDS” and they were talking about how they’re cousins and they’re both half filipino and tabby was like “why didnt they give you any scenes together in the teamup!” and jessica was like “because i was with erin!” and michael was like “because they couldnt have two filipinos together in one scene” power rangers got WOKE man

- kat to andrew: i have a huge troy plushie!

andrew: oh my dogs would rip that up immediately

kat:

andrew: do your dogs not rip things up

kat: i dont... i wouldnt let them...touch my troy plushies...

(we love you andrew. he doesnt even know hes at a con. hes just here to chill.)

- someone at the panel asked a stupid question about “if you could cameo in any other season which season would you pick” like they dont get asked this all the fucking time and the rangers were like hmm like beast morphers or dino charge and then andrew, my husband my light my life, was like “fuck power rangers, i wanna go to the dc universe” (he didnt cuss obviously) but like... king. legend supporting legends. AND THEN CHRISTINA WAS LIKE “oh mood i wanna be in the pokemon universe” and john mark was like “as what” and she was like “i dont know i didnt watch it” QUEEN OF POKEMON she kins jigglypuff

- tabby was at ann marie crouch’s booth and telling her how she loved that princess shayla was the wild force team’s mom and she was like aww yeah i felt such a maternal instinct even though that was before i had my actual child!! shes so cute!! shes so pretty!!

- jessica rey is literally SO WONDERFUL AND FUN TO TALK TO we went to hang out bc tabby wanted her wild force dvd signed and she was just telling us her stories of hanging out w/ the other boys and how she went to drink w/ azim just to keep him company (bc peter and yoshi were there and they were like “we dont drink” nerds) so cuuute and then she had that pic of her and peter and yoshi and they’re making stupid faces and she’s smiling like an angel and she’s like THEY DIDNT TELL ME IT WASNT A SERIOUS PHOTO and i asked her jokingly how much for it and she was like take it its $30 and i was like pls charge me more have my money take my soul

- tabby and kat were at the megaforce booths and jessica rey came over and was like “excuse me what are you guys doing with MY GIRLS” and john mark was like “uh they’re OUR GIRLS” and then cameron pulled jessica over and was like “actually this is MY babe” and then she tried to leave bc she was in the way of ppl in line and azim stopped her and was like “no no stay you’re part of our FAMILY”and uh basically the power rangers family is the cutest family in the whole world thank you good night

- taylor swift wrote gorgeous about andrew gray

[borusawa]

1 New Message

A/N: Finally this chapter is out oh my god. Why was it so HARD to write it? Anyway, i tried something new here, so it would be great if you shared your thoughts with me. You can read my other works in my masterlist. 

Beta reader: @abbypdg , thank you dear

Warnings: i guess this can make people mad... so sorry.

Word count: 4.823

< Chapter 1

CHAPTER 2: Party Memories

Was I that numb the night before? If I was, then I guess my goals were achieved. Either way, I didn’t want my morning after. I didn’t want that guy next to me and I didn’t want the regret brought by that. Disorganized flashbacks played in my head and probably the amount of memories was the reason why my head felt so heavy when I sat on the unknown bed, with my back facing the also unknown man. I was still dizzy from the alcohol poisoning I made my body go through the night before, and my movements weren’t exactly accurate. I went through my hair with my finger only to confirm my thoughts about how messy it was. I didn’t quite know what to do next. It was not the first time something like that happened to me but that time, I sincerely was lost in many ways and that scared the shit out of me. It’d been ten minutes since I woke up and I already knew I hated that day.

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind and remember: how could I possibly get there?

                   Night Before, 10:37PM, at the cab going to the party

“Whose party is it?”

“As I said before, it’s from friend of mine. You shouldn’t mind though, I wouldn’t put us in any trouble.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “… Again.” I looked through the window, the city passing by my eyes. As expected from a Friday night, the streets were clogged by people shoving their bodies inside any place that could mean break rules. That behave didn’t surprise me, if something I found amusing, it was the way people discharged their problems in meaningless encounters and unimportant events. However, who was I to judge? I was on my way to do the same. “Just so you know there’s a possibility Mitsuki might join us.”

“Are you kidding? I don’t need to be third wheel today or any day, for that matter.” I glared her, anger reflecting on my eyes.

Her hands automatically started to shook. “Relax; I think Shikadai will be there too.” She whispered after a pause: “Probably.”

I crossed my arms. “I’m hoping so.”

The cab stopped and we paid for the ride before getting out. The party was being hosted in a fucking mansion so it didn’t surprise me how extra it was, considering that most of Chocho friends were popular, expansive. It was themed as ‘tropical winter’ and I found myself thinking on how they came up with that idea. Either way, the theme was nice enough and provided a great amount of possible drinks which was exactly what I was looking for. The place was crowded by young people and was hard to spot known faces in the middle of the mess. I was able to see some freshmen that I saw on other parties before, and some guys I kissed before too, so it wasn’t all new faces but also not only unknown people how I would’ve liked. Despite the well-lit backyard, there where kids were throwing themselves on the pool; inside the house was full of dark spots, almost as if they were there to make out so it would be nothing more than a regular college party in a regular neighborhood; that is if it wasn’t for how rich the owners probably were.

As soon as we entered the house, we looked around for our precious alcohol and it didn’t took us long to find where the bar was. Soon, both our cups were filled and we directed ourselves to the backyard. We stood on a corner, talking and watching everyone doing things we weren’t willing to do, only because we weren’t drunk enough yet.

“That’s a really great place. Where did you find such a friend?” I said without looking at Chocho.

“I’m a funny cute girl; everyone just wants to be around me.” I gave her a look and she sighed. “Kagura is in my class, that’s how. He invited every sane mind possible to this party. It looks like only the insane ones attended though.”

“I guess I’m in the right place then.” I sighed. I was counting that “Shikadai and Mitsuki” didn’t also mean “Boruto” this time like it generally did. The true was that I wasn’t ready to look at his eyes and pretend like I usually did. No, I couldn’t. I was drinking to forget him, forget the fact that he would never be mine, to forget that Yuki existed, and to forget everything else that had to do with any of the previously mentioned things.

By the time we were with our fourth drinks in hands, Chocho spoke with a worried tone. “What made you come anyway? I thought partying wasn’t your first option.”

I knew she was staring at me but I was denying to look back at her. To answer the question, I just unlocked my phone and handed it to her, that way Chocho would understand by herself. For a moment, her gaze was completely focused on the screen and I asked for another drink. I had no idea how much alcohol it had, but I was already feeling dazed. Good.

“Oh.” She gave me my phone back and I opened the camera to take a selfie of us. Her face had a confused look. “How you’re coping with all this? It’s all so… sudden.”

“I’m not coping. I’m not even trying.” I held my phone up and smiled to the camera but Chocho was not following my mood. She squeezed my wrist pushing it down and making me face her. I rolled my eyes. “He is happy, by the look of it. I might as well be happy too. I deserve that, don't I?”

“Sarada, acting like you don’t care is not letting go, you know? You need to face your demons and decide if you will just give up or not.” Chocho sounded serious and that made me feel frustrated. Her eyes were fixated on mine and her hand was still holding my wrist unconsciously, probably for keep me from running. In the deep of my thoughts, I was able to see the true behind her words. However, denying and pretending was a lot easier. I knew someday it would not be enough, but that day wasn’t happening yet.

“To be fair, I need a hug… and a bottle of vodka.” Chocho rolled her eyes and I smirked. “But I need the vodka a lot more.”

                  Morning After

Sure, the party.

I started to wander the room with my eyes in order to find my glasses but they were nowhere visible from my position, so I stood up to catch my underwear in the ground. That’s where I got it wrong. I bent to grab it but I heard a yawn behind me and that froze me in place, praying in hope he wouldn’t wake up. My pray wasn’t answered though.

“That’s a-” I screamed interrupting his words, throwing myself on the floor. I hugged my legs in effort to hide the most of my body; I was able to hear his laugh even though I wasn’t looking at him. “-nice thing to be my first view in the morning.” My head, which was simply aching before, now was pulsating by the amount of blood that went up really fast. I heard a motion and soon, a pair of eyes was looking at me from the edge of the bed. “You don’t need to be so ashamed, you know?”

The moment I saw his face, I couldn’t get angrier with myself. “Who the fuck are you?” I asked, incapable of hide my discomfort while I spoke.

“You know, I should be the one asking since you’re in my house but I remember you.” He extended his hand for me but I only raised a brow, he pulled his hand back without questioning. “We met yesterday at the party. My name is…”

“What was the screaming?” Chocho opened the door in a hurry and I couldn’t be more grateful. Her hair has like an orange mess above her head. Important to emphasize that I’d never even seen her hair out of place before, so I was scared of what made us get to that point. When she spotted me from the other side of the room, her eyebrows lifted. “Oh fuck! Sarada, you’re naked.” Soon, her eyes went through the also very naked guy; her face went from scared to understanding. “Oh, no.” And she hit the door closing it again.

“Chocho!” I screamed but she didn’t come back. “Damn you.”

“You really don’t remember how we met?”

                  Night Before, 11:54PM, at the party

“This shit is booooooring.” I threw myself over Chocho’s lap. We were sitting on a couch, watching a really young girl throwing up in a bucket right in front of us. Fun. Despite the drinks, the party sucked and neither me, Chocho or Mitsuki were feeling the vibe. Shikadai, for my suffering, didn’t come and didn’t even bother to give us a plausible explanation. That let me third wheeling and alone in my worst night ever.

“Reality is boring, Sarada.” Mitsuki grinned at me.

I threw him a look and rolled my eyes. “I need more alcohol.”

I stood up and paced to the bar again. I stayed there for a while, knowing that Chocho and Mitsuki would know how to spend their time without me. Once I came back though, they weren’t as attached as I thought they would be, and actually the exact opposite happened: they were surrounded by at least five people, discomposedly talking.  When Chocho spotted me, she came smiling and putting her hands on my shoulders.

“Sarada, there you are.” Then she dragged me close to the people she was talking. “Guys, this is Sarada.” Some of them answered her greeting me and I greet them back. “So, we’re leaving this party.” The last sentence was directed to me.

I wasn’t really understand much, given that Mitsuki and Chocho were really comfortable with these people that I didn’t even know and they wanted to take me away from my alcohol. “What’s happening here? Why are we leaving?”

“Let’s face it, this party sucks. We are just going somewhere funnier.” These words came from a new voice and I looked to the person who spoke. Blue eyes stared me and a weird smirk spread on the completely new face for me. He had beautiful bright blond hair framing his face and his skin was so white I thought he couldn’t go anywhere close to the sun. The moment I frowned at his words, he took my hand to his lips and kissed it politely. For some reason, I found this act disgusting; maybe because I felt like kissing was too intimate for someone I didn’t even know the name. I pulled my hand from his grip and his grin grew wider. During our interaction the others kept their chatting, Mitsuki being the only one analyzing us as if it was important. “So… you’re the famous Sarada.”

“I’m not informed about the famous thing.” I narrowed my eyes. “Where is this somewhere funnier you’re talking about?”

“Could be anywhere you want.” His gallant tone made me rolled my eyes. Something about him was annoying the hell out of me. Is hate at first sight a thing?

I took a deep breath. “Mitsuki, who is he?” I was hoping the boy just took my hint and he decided to stop mocking me.

Mitsuki gave one of his smiles. “He’s Inojin, our fourth roommate.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Sarada. As I said, I heard a lot about you.”

One thing I knew for sure: Inojin was indeed more annoying than Boruto. I couldn’t decide if it was because of the superiority in which he spoke or the overconfidence behind it, but I knew that when we left the party as a group nothing good was about to happen.

                  Morning After

Inojin took the bedsheet and threw it at me. “Now you can look for your clothes.”

I stood up using the bedsheet to cover my body. “I’m willing to say thank you, but now that I remember you I won’t.”

“That’s rude, four eyes.”

“You are rude.” I grabbed my panties with my feet, not daring to bend over again, and directed myself to the door without even looking back.

Once I was outside, I noticed that I wasn’t alone. “What happened here?”

All of my last night friends were distributed in the large living room in the most awkward positions. I didn’t remember anybody’s names but I could bet they also didn’t remember mine so we were fine. Chocho and Mitsuki were out of view and I assumed they were in the kitchen, though I didn’t know where the kitchen was so I just hunted for my clothes. The first thing I found were my glasses over the center table. I jumped over a girl’s sleeping body to find my dress behind the couch. I spotted my bra hanging in a door on the other side of the room and when I was halfway to my goal, I felt a hand on my shoulder and I automatically turned to the source of the touch.

“You’re alive.” Mitsuki said.

“Oh fuck, Mitsuki! You’re silent like a snake! Stop scaring the shit out of me.” I put my free hand on my chest.

“I’m sorry. I’m just happy you’re fine. As you can see most of our friends didn’t have that luck.” He motioned to the room as a whole.

“Actually, who are these people?” I whispered and raised both my eyebrows waiting for his answer.

“You don’t remember them?” He frowned.

I looked away. “Kind of, I mean, I know they were with us last night.”

Mitsuki did nothing but sigh and raised his hand to his forehead. “The girl you jumped over is Namida.” He then pointed to the guy thrown in the couch. “He is Iwabe and the girl pretending she is sleeping to hear our talk is Wasabi. Good morning, Wasabi.”

“Damn you, Mitsuki.” The girl – apparently Wasabi – screamed out his name and got up from the floor. “Good morning, Sarada.” She smiled at me. So they knew my name, oh no.

“Good morning…” I said a bit confused.

In that moment, we heard a vomiting sound coming from a nearby door that I assumed it was the bathroom. I mean, hopefully it was the bathroom. “And you are hearing Denki. He’s not strong for drinking.”

“I see.” I nodded slightly. “Where is Chocho, by the way?”

“She’s in the kitchen.” Of course. Mitsuki tilted his head to the side and smiled at me. “Weren’t you looking for your clothes?”

The sudden memory of my nakedness hit me. “Uhmmm, so, I got to dress up.” I whispered to Mitsuki and hurried to my bra. When I grabbed it, I felt that it was a little wet. “Does anybody knows why is my bra wet?” The only answer I got was Wasabi’s laugh.

                  Night Before, 12:46PM, at the public pool

“Come on, Chocho. We’ll be fine!”

“I’m not agreeing with that.”

“Pretty please?”

“It’s too high.”

“No it’s not! It’s just…” I turned to face the guy by my side. I had never seen this guy before in my entire life, but still I was in the public pool with an almost empty bottle of vodka with him and his friends in the middle of the night, afraid as fuck of being caught but at the same time, willing for the adrenaline. I whispered for him, and only him, to hear. “How high is the jump?”

He rolled his eyes. His blond hair was shining in the moonlight. He answered quickly and low with a smirk playing on his lips. “High enough for someone to die.”

“That’s not helpful, you know? You’re such a creep dude.” I hissed. I was trying to make Chocho follow me and jump from the trampoline. She was not exactly excited about the idea.

“So why are you with us?”

“Shut the fuck up. I have nothing better to do, that’s why.” I sighed. “Can you answer me, though?”

“I think it’s 5 meters high.”

“Fuck. I can’t say that to her. Thanks for nothing, weirdo.” I turned to Chocho again. “As I was saying, it’s not that high.”

“Yes it is. Don’t believe in her.” Inojin said.

“I’m okay if you don’t want to help me, but do you really need to muddle things up?” He answered me with a grin. “Alright.” I couldn’t look at his face and hold my urge to kill him at the same time anymore. “Mitsuki, will you help me here?”

His creepy smile spread up on his face. “No way. Bold of you to assume I would.”

“Urgh, I’ll go alone then. You’re a bunch of pussies.” I rolled my eyes before my pace guided me to the stairs of the trampoline.

I took a deep breath; there was no turning back now. Our group of seven people, including my dork friends stared at me steadily all the way, until I reached the top. I was holding the handrails by my side carefully, before I threw a quick look down. Fuck, it looked even higher from there. On the other hand I could see a lot of things from there. I wasn’t with my glasses so I couldn’t really see much, but I was able to see the blurry of everyone’s heads and the little lights from outside. I was able to see the sky and I was feeling closer to it, both because of my height and my imminent death in front of me.

“You can give up. We will just make fun of you for the rest of your life if you do.” Inojin screamed at me. I heard Chocho complaining with him for his words.

“Oh, go fuck yourself.” I shouted back.

Carefully, step by step, I was getting to the border of the trampoline. I let go of the handrail and then I was on my own. I was able to feel my heartbeat increasing at each movement I made, my adrenaline was high and my hands were sweating. I closed my eyes for a while and everyone fell silent. I released my body frontwards and I opened my eyes again. There was no way I was going to lose the view all the way down. The falling felt like an hour long even though it was probably really quick. The cold air of the night was almost hurting my skin and the lights were passing fast. When the water finally hit my skin I was ready. I felt free. When I popped my head off the water, I could hear the cheering and that made me smile. When I was able to see clearly again, I spotted everyone getting closer.

“Damn, I can’t believe you did it.” Chocho screamed in awe.

“To be fair, me neither.” I smiled. “You guys should enter the water now, it’s warm.”

                  Morning After

As I was remembering things, I was regretting them. Moreover, that wasn’t taking me anywhere good and I had enough on my mind already. I took my bra, knocked and looked for an empty room to change. The apartment wasn’t that big which meant that I could change in only two possible places: the room I just had exit and the bathroom. My obvious choice was the bathroom but when I got closer to the door, I heard Denki throwing up even worse. One thing was settled then, I would not enter this bathroom not in that moment not ever. I sadly walked to Inojin’s room and knocked on the door lightly.

“Hey, could you get out for a moment?” Inojin opened the door and he was obviously still naked. I closed my eyes instinctively. “Could you dress up, please?”

“No.” I turned back pacing to the bathroom. “Didn’t you want something?”

“Yes, your death.” He closed the door with a hit. Yeah, I guess I’m entering the bathroom then. I knocked slightly on the door. “Denki? Are you alive?”

I heard some grunts and then the door opened. I’d never seen someone with such a bad hangover like him. “I’m fine.” He smiled and left.

I tried to put my clothes as quick as possible so Denki could get rid of his hangover self in peace. When I got out, I simply took my purse and announced that I was out. Chocho then precipitated from the kitchen, shouting she was going with me and giving a goodbye kiss to her boyfriend while I waited patiently on the door. In the hallway, she threw her arms around my shoulders and I shivered from the contact.

“Don’t worry, Sarada, let’s go home. Monday we will do a STD test on you.” Chocho smirked. I wasn’t ready to make jokes about this just yet.

I didn’t know what time was it and my phone was off. I was trying to force my mind to go through last night memories once again but I couldn’t remember anything else. The elevator was empty when it stopped on the floor we were (what was it again?), I put my forehead on the cold wall in a futile attempt of relieve the pain. Chocho kept silence, feeling her own hangover and trying to fix her hair in a bun using the elevator’s mirror as a guide. When we got to the cab, I made her a question even though I was afraid of the answer.

“What did we do after the pool yesterday?”

“Where are you going?” The taxi driver asked once we hop in. I gave him the instructions to our building and stared Chocho as she was thinking. The car started.

“I guess we went to a drug dealer.” The driver peeked through the rearview looking partially scared. I, on the other hand, couldn’t contain my surprise.

“WE DID WHAT?” I said exasperatedly with widened eyes.

Chocho’s laughs filled the car. “No we didn’t, I just messing with you.” She managed to say after a while. “I find amusing that you’re asking me what you did. You were having the night of your life apparently.” I tilted my head, my hair falling on my face. No words needed, Chocho kept talking while she was also typing her phone. How was that thing still on? “We only went to the convenience store to buy more vodka. You even took a ride on the cart with Mitsuki pushing you everywhere.”

I placed my hair behind my ear. “Is it weird that I feel like a kid now?”

“Well, you were acting like a kid yesterday, so I don’t see any problem.” I rolled my eyes at her statement. “After that, we just went to his apartment. I slept but every sign indicates that you…”

“We’re here.” The car stopped and I forcefully drag my body inside the building as Chocho properly paid. I pressed the elevator button and forced my mind even further. Why couldn’t I remember that part of the night before?

               Night before, 2:24AM, Inojin’s apartment

“We’re the only ones up, turn off the lights.” I took a sip of the bottle in my hands. We were sitting on the living room floor, our backs resting on the couch where Iwabe slept soundly.

Inojin got really close to me and spoke, releasing his alcoholic breath all over my face and smirking. “I don’t want to. If you want the lights off then you get up and you turn them off.” Honestly, he looked really drunk, the bag under his eyes prominent and eyes drifting close occasionally. Probably I wasn’t much better. As soon as he got close, I placed a hand on his face, moving him away from me.

“You smell bad.” I closed my eyes and threw myself on the opposite side of him

“You smell like flowers.”

I sat up widening my eyes. “Really?”

He huffed. “Of course not, you smell like chlorine and alcohol. In a bad way.”

“Is there a good way to smell as alcohol and chlorine?” I said between giggles.

“Well, if you were me…” He grinned.

“I hate you. Seriously.” I said in a serious tone. I meant it.

“It’s okay, I love myself enough for the two of us.” I ignored him and made a sad noise, faking a cry. “What?”

“The lights are making my head ache.”

“As I said, get up and turn them off.” I rolled my eyes and handed him the bottle.

The switcher was close to the front door and in the exact opposite of where we were sitting. When I turned the lights off, everything was still clear just not directly enlightened. I turned myself and faced Inojin. He was smirking behind the curtain of blond hair in his face, his gaze fixed in me. I smirked back and decided to make things funnier. I removed my bra without removing my dress and positioned it in the door handle. We burst out in laugh and I paced back to my former place.

“Shhhhhh, be quiet! We can’t wake them up.” I whispered to him with my index finger over my mouth. Inojin placed his hand over his mouth but remained laughing loud and that made me laugh even harder.

                  Morning after

The elevator stopped and I held it for Chocho. She smiled at me while entering but I wasn’t capable of thinking right enough to react. The night before and its events were bothering me. It bothered me the fact that I couldn’t recall anything besides what I got by then. I was completely bothered by the fact that I woke up beside a guy I met the night before. However, what bothered me the most was that I couldn’t remember how. I remembered when I took my clothes off but I didn’t remember how he tasted like. I remembered of taking his clothes off but I didn’t remember his touch. I clearly recalled his loud laugh and I remembered of how I felt drunk but I wasn’t able to remember how he was. Well, I thought that I was going die trying to remember.

Chocho opened the door to our apartment while I walked in a daze through the hall. The first thing I spotted, even before getting to the door, was a purple haired girl in pajamas and slippers; she was sitting on the couch absent-mindly, looking through the channels of the television. As soon as I stepped inside, she threw a quick glance on me.

Sumire giggled. “Girl, you’re wasted.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

I was past her and she was facing my back when I heard her low voice behind me. “The name of the lucky guy waking up by your side this morning.”

I turned myself. “What?” That was the only thing I could say after an instant of silence.

“Chocho sent me a message earlier saying that she found you naked inside Inojin’s room and another one later saying that you had a blank and remembered nothing. I just put one plus one together.”

I held the arch of my nose. I had to deal with Chocho later. “Whatever, I just need a cup of coffee.” I said, already inside of my room.

“And a STD test.” Sumire shouted and laughed right after. I hit my door strongly.

Inside my room, the first thing I did was connect my phone on the charger. Then I directed myself to my bathroom to take a much-needed cold shower. I put my pajamas and threw myself on the bed. My bed, finally. I took a deep breath, smelling my recently changed bedsheets. Before I drifted into sleep, I turned on my phone too see what time was it. It was only 9:17AM so it mean I could be lazy till noon. Before leaving my phone behind, I decided to check my messages.

4 new messages

11:11PM Shikadai

I won’t go, sorry Sarada

11:57PM Chocho

Where r u? I want you to meet our

new frieeeends :))))

1:43AM Sumire

Are you two coming home today?

8:43AM Idiot

Will you help me with the moving? Please

say yes :’(

It took me a while to understand what Boruto was talking about but when I did, I almost cried. I promised him I would help with the moving day and sadly, I liked to keep my word. I stood up and changed, cursing everything in my way and preparing myself for the rest of the day.

Now Me

I’m going

Now Idiot

Wait home, I’ll pick you up there. Are you

in for breakfast?

Now Me

Only if it’s at Ally’s

Now Idiot

Is there any other possible place?

I smiled.

[avocadopomegranate]

IN WHICH Jamilla is just scraping by and scared of commitment, and Jack just wants to be there for her a.k.a Tinder hookup turned serious.

High school drop out, living in a crammed, deteriorating apartment in one of London’s tougher areas, broken family and too much baggage. Jamilla hates these labels, so when her Tinder hookup seems to become something more than just sex, she dreads him finding out... she just wants to feel normal, for once.

—

He was a year older, lived in London and looked cute enough from his profile picture. Honestly, Jamilla wasn’t thinking too hard when she swiped right on the match - it was a stressful week, she was sick of bickering with her younger brother, sick of her two jobs, sick of that bitch hassling her on Instagram... she deserved a night where she could enjoy herself and “Jack” seemed alright. When he proposed she meet him at a decent South London club she was sold. Alcohol, sex and some sleep sounded like the ideal night’s activities.

Under the coloured lights in the club, his eyes shined and his smile was breathtaking. Jamilla was impressed at what she’d pulled, surprised she hadn’t recognised just how... beautiful he was from the selfie on his dating account. She pushed it to the back of her mind, tugging at her second-hand party dress and giving him a friendly wave.

It wasn’t that awkward between them. She felt comfortable enough, he spoke respectfully although his tone was somewhat flirtatious, and wasn’t shoving his hands up her skirt like a sleeze. A plus, she guessed. He was slightly tipsy, she could see that, but nowhere near drunk enough to jump into a meaningless fuck. He bought her drinks which she consumed hungrily, continuing their small talk until it disintegrated into slurred sentences and hysteric laughs. The alcohol coursing through her made her buzz, and soon Jamilla had her hands on his thigh, lips beside his ear and a suggestive smirk painted on her mouth...

“Let’s get out of here?” Jack spoke huskily. “My place or yours?”

The idea of her shitty apartment almost sobered her up for a second. She pictured the bleak reality she was hiding from, as well as the disgust Jack would feel at her living state and shook her head wildly. “Yours.”

—

She woke up the next morning before he did, slipping into her clothes as the sun filtered pale light through the cracks in the blinds. Jack was buried under the warm quilt, blonde tips splayed across the pillow and a muscular arm cast beside him. She admired the tattoos she had barely noticed last night and smiled, for a moment losing herself in a daydream of comfort, belonging, love... imagine if waking up like this could be normal.

Jamilla blinked, breaking the trance. She was too busy for serious shit like that, too selfless and too stubborn to believe for a second that something that perfect could happen to her. Hurriedly she took her phone from the bedside table and picked her shoes up from the ground, all the while contemplating whether it would be inappropriate to leave a note... she’d enjoyed last night, he was charming and much better company than previous matches. What was the harm? The worst scenario was she’d never hear from him again

Enjoyed your company x If you’re up for it again, text me.

**********

Jamilla

—

Jack texted her just over a week later. Jamilla had let it float to the back of her mind, other areas of her life forcing themselves as priorities. But when he texted, it sent a cheeky grin to her lips.

They met several times across a few months, hitting the club and then heading to his becoming almost a ritual. His company became one she looked forward to at the end of a chaotic day - not just the sex and the alcohol, but everything in between that. It was comfortable, familiar. Maybe that’s not what hookups were supposed to become, but Jamilla was happy with it. There were no strings attached but a mutual connection between them. It was okay.

“My brother gets home tomorrow morning, any chance we can go to yours?” Jack inquired one night as they left the club, his hand pressed to the small of her back as her guided her through the crowd. Jamilla felt his hot breath on her ear, the risqué edge to his words. She couldn’t invite him to hers even if it wasn’t a shitheap and an embarrassment as her three siblings and uncle lived there. “I live with my family.” She hissed back, feeling the guilt pool in her stomach at always going to his and not hers. “Sorry.”

“Fuck,” Jamilla watched as he ran a hand through his growing hair, worried she’d ruined the night. After a moment of consideration he glanced at her again. “Fuck it, his flight will probably be delayed anyway.”

His lips found her neck as they tumbled into an Uber and she couldn’t help but smile, pushing any worry away.

—

Jamilla stirred at what felt later than her normal hour, smothered under Jack’s arm and comforted by his warmth. She was almost tempted to snuggle closer into him, let her eyes flutter closed and drift back into a calm slumber, but knew better. Wiping away the sleep from her eyes, she rolled over to grab her phone. Fuck, it was several hours later than she usually woke up when she stayed overnight. Thinking back, she hadn’t slept well at all that week - she was probably catching up on sleep while she was comfortable.

She didn’t notice Jack lifting his head beside her, bleary eyes squinting at her sitting beside him, so she jumped a little when he addressed her. “Hm, you’re usually gone by the time I wake up. Please don’t tell me it’s sparrow’s fart or something.”

As Jack rolled onto his back, Jamilla huffed a reply. “Nah it’s later, I must have slept in, sorry.”

“No, no problem!” The boy hurried out, voice husky from sleep. “I mean, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

“Thank you.” She murmured back. It might not seem like much but his offer was touching, it showed a human side to him that she sometimes missed when they were caught up in a whirlwind of lust and intoxication.

Jamilla pulled the covers off, wincing as she was greeted with frosty air. “Shit it’s cold.” She swore. To find some temporary heat she wrapped her arms around her body which was protected only by undergarments, as she searched for her jeans and top from yesterday.

“Fucking hell, it is.” Jack grumbles as he clambers out of the bed himself. She watched as he pulled a hoodie over his torso, occupied for a moment before focusing her attention elsewhere, mulling over bus timetables and her sister’s whereabouts.

“Here,” Jamilla glanced up in time to catch the jumper he threw her way. “You must be freezing.”

It smelt like him, she observed as she tugged it on, murmuring a thank you as he headed towards the door with phone in hand.

Jamilla followed him out, recounting the many times she’d done this walk alone and enjoying his presence. He shot her a smile over his shoulder as he recounted some sort of joke he’d been talking about last night. I couldn’t help but laugh, loudly, feeling at ease.

“Jack?”

That was an unfamiliar voice, she thought, slow to process. Fuck, his brother. Her brain finally caught up and she caught Jack’s eye. He grimaced.

“Motherfucker, I forgot he was here.” Jack said quietly.

Jamilla shrugged. “Oh well. I’m leaving anyway.”

With a sigh, Jack traipsed into the main living area, expression somewhat sheepish. “Hey, Conor, forgot you were back.”

Conor was perched on a bar stool Jamilla discovered as she walked through the doorway, wringing her hands together out of nervous habit. “Hi. Uh,” he flashed her a quick glance, uncertain. “Did I miss something? I’ve only been gone for two weeks.”

“No! Tinder date.” She jumped to correct him quickly in an effort to save Jack some embarrassment.

Conor had a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Ah, right. Sorry.” She chewed on her lip. What should her next move be? Should she say something? Just leave? Was that rude?...

“Well, there’s coffee if you guys want to help yourselves.” Conor piped up again before his attention was once again captured by his phone. Jack and Jamilla shared a quick glance.

She ran her tongue over her teeth, pondering her words. “I should get going.”

Jack’s blue eyes found hers and her breath caught for a moment, Jamilla didn’t know quite why. “You should stay, for breakfast.” Jack’s words surprised her a little and she can’t hide her confused expression. “If you want. You’re not in a hurry, right?”

“No,” she breathed out. “I guess I could stay. Coffee sounds good for my hangover.”

Surprisingly it was Jack’s brother who hopped up from his seat and walked to the kitchen. Jamilla sensed there was a moment of brotherly telepathy between them as Jack cocked an eyebrow and Conor smiled back as he grabbed the brewing coffee.

“Thank you.” She said brightly when he handed her the steaming mug, black as she requested. “No problem...”

“Jamilla. Sorry, I didn’t even say did I?”

Jack slid into the stool beside me, wedging me between him and his brother. “How was Dublin?” That was directed at his sibling.

Conor perked up at this as Jamilla wracked her brain remembering that he was some kind of musician. “It was cold, but the shows were good. I met up with Chris and we got some writing done.”

Their interaction was worlds away from what she’d have with her family, but the genuine conversation between brought back memories of better times for her. It was, heartwarming almost, being a part of a calm, genuine morning conversation between the two. Maybe she didn’t belong here but she felt... alright.

“I saw the video you posted, man, Mikey really copped it.” Conor laughed, Jack joining in. Although clueless as to what the topic was, she smiled along, sipping at her almost empty coffee. A Tinder date was most definitely not supposed to conclude like this. But, fuck the system, hey? This was good.

—

She didn’t have much time to think about treating herself to a night out that week. It was downright horrid, filled with work issues, extra shifts, back pain and family arguments. Jack hadn’t texted her and she was glad she didn’t have to turn him away. She just felt like shit.

Jada was her closest friend, living at home with her parents after become a single teen mother. They didn’t see each other enough because of conflicting schedules, but she was always there for her through a text. Jamilla opened her phone to vent her problems.

Jamillla: fml! bro started another fight at school and got suspended. seriously I’m sick of his shit. plus, got laid off work today bc pubs closing down. where tf am I going to get enough money to cover rent? 🤬

She sent it with a sigh, realising too late that it was to completely the wrong person. Of course it fucking Jack. Fuck.

Jamilla: shiiiiit that wasn’t meant for you sorry!

Jamilla hoped he wouldn’t get the wrong idea, praying he’d just leave her on read so she didn’t have to negotiate any strange conversations. But her wishes weren’t granted, with only minutes later her phone vibrating against the bed.

Jack: Ahah that’s okay. But shit, that sucks ☹️I’m sorry to hear that.

He came across sympathetic in his texts even though she knew he wouldn’t think she had it this bad. Nevertheless, her heart swelled at his care for her before she shook it off as absurd. Her phone buzzed again.

Jack: You know, if you want to destress or forget hmu 😉

Fuck. Normally she’d kill for a way to run away from her problems, to relieve her storm of stresses. But she felt awful, too lethargic and drained to bring herself to want to do any of that. She’d be honest with Jack, she guessed, he deserved that much.

Jamilla: Normally I’d jump on that but I’m not feeling it at all. Honestly just feeling too shit. Sorry x

Jack responded to my message within moments.

Jack: Don’t be sorry, if ur not feeling it ur not feeling it.

Jack: If you want you can come over anyway. I have wine and Netflix and I love gossip.

Jamilla had to read that message twice. What? Was he inviting her over to hangout and drink and watch TV? No sex involved? Was he hoping she’d change her mind...? He wasn’t like that, though.

Tinder, she sighed. Sex, not friendships.

Jamilla: R u hoping to get lucky? Bc seriously, not in the mood.

Her text was snappy, to the point and probably rude but she sent it before she even thought it over, her muddled brain thinking too many things at once.

Jack: I swear to god that is not my intention. I know we’re just hookups or whatever, I just thought you might appreciate some company after ur shit day. If it’s too weird nvm.

Jamilla stared at her phone for a minute. She considered just leaving him on read and going to sleep, but now her mind had latched onto images of ranting it out to Jack, drinking wine, chilling out and chatting, his familiar touch...

Shit, she was in too far. But it was just what she needed, she thought, so screw it being weird. She needed someone to lean on.

Jamilla: Fuck it I’ll be there in 15. Don’t drink all the wine without me.

—

Knocking on Jack’s door was a new thing. So was showing up here so early, and by herself. Jamilla felt uneasy for a second before the door swung open.

Soon she was swaddled up on his couch, glass of red wine in hand and legs stretched out across the sofa. Jack sat close, arm stretched out along the top of the sofa behind me.

“Tell me your drama, your problems!” He exclaimed brightly, his white teeth making an appearance.

Jamilla cast her gaze down. She couldn’t tell him she was barely scraping by as it was, lower class and looking after a family. Shit, she didn’t want this - whatever this was becoming, sex, friendship? - to end right here. She was too ashamed to admit to what her life was.

She shrugged as she swished about her drink. “I don’t know, where do I even begin?”

“Are you seriously not going to be able to pay rent?” Jack asked. She felt a sense of dread flow over me, thinking maybe this was a mistake, coming here. “I thought you lived with your family?”

“I do, I mean I was being a bit dramatic.” Jamilla attempted to cover up the extent. “I won’t be able to cover my share of the rent. I chip in.”

“Ah,” Jack sighs, taking another sips of his drink. “That still sucks, getting laid off.”

“You know all about it huh?” She teased back with a cheeky smile. “Youtube kicking you out?”

“Fuck off.” He laughed back. She liked this. She really liked this and she really liked him, Jamilla thought as they continued their conversation.

Soon they were several glasses in, tipsy and full of giggles despite the frustration behind Jamilla’s stories. And fuck, she’d accidentally just blurted out that she was a high school drop out. Fuck.

Despite the alcohol in her system she felt a sense of shame rush through her mind. Jack looked at her unwaveringly, not judgemental but Jamilla couldn’t help but feel nervous. “Sorry, not too attractive is it?”

Jack, whose knee was now pressed against her thigh, somehow shuffling closer during the extent of our talking, tilted his head slightly. “I wouldn’t think any less of you.” He admitted candidly, not tearing those blue eyes away from Jamilla. And then, fuck, before she can even think or react, Jack slides his arm around her shoulders, bringing his face close and pressing his lips to hers.

They’d kissed before, Jamilla had enjoyed it, but this was different - not lust driven, rushed and feverish. No, this was gentle, sweet and fucking hell she swore it melted her heart in places. Shit.

It made her feel warm, secure, bubbly... she felt so right yet she pulled away.

Jack looked guilty, removing his hand from her body. “Damnit,” he sighed “sorry, it’s habit.”

Jamilla laughs it off. But fucking Jesus Christ, what has she got herself into... is she getting too attached? Is this fucking fair? What does she want from it... and why does she feel so good when she’s with him?

—

Her neck was cramped when she woke up, and she winced in pain as she turned her face on the pillow. But it definitely wasn’t her pillow she realised as she opened her eyes. Shit. She was at Jack’s.

Jamilla sat upright on the couch, pulling the blanket away from her. She couldn’t recall the last moments of her evening, only remembering watching some Netflix show with a funny name? Some guy shooting some one and...?

She must have dozed off during it. Fucking hell, what was she doing? At this rate she’d spend more time at his then at her own home. She’d look like a real gold digger if he found out her situation.

Throat dry and feeling dehydrated, Jamilla walked to the kitchen, filling a glass with water from the tap and sculling it eagerly. She almost dropped it though when two hands landed on her shoulders.

“Shit, Jack,” Jamilla cursed when she spotted the perpetrator. “That gave me a heart attack.”

“Sorry.” He doesn’t sound sorry at all. His hands brush across bare skin for a moment, distracting. She sighs.

She felt bad for staying over, a arrow of concern stabbing at her know what this looked like... but maybe his bed was comfortable, his Wifi worked and he had a supply of food and drinks, but she didn’t come for that. It was him, she fucking swore, she liked his company and not his possessions.

Jack of course made no fuss about it, not appearing even mildly worried about her spending time here. “Whenever you need it.” He smiled, and for a second Jamilla worried he knew, knew she was poor and on the verge of losing her flat. Fuck, don’t be dumb, she thought, of course he didn’t. He was just being kind.

Jack Maynard was... shit. She was smitten.

—

She found her thoughts shifting to the Brighton boy more times than she’d like to admit that week. She pictured him teasing her about her black coffee when she got up each morning, laughing at her clumsiness, the way he’d listen to her stories attentively unlike that dumb coworker. She wanted to detach herself, yet she couldn’t stop him popping up in her minds. In her lunch break - barely half an hour - Jamilla even hacked the Wifi and went to his YouTube channel and holy sheezus he had 1.5 million subscribers. That terrified her, not quite aware he was that popular. Shit. She considered maybe letting it simmer for a bit, having a few weeks off seeing him - but on Friday a reminded pinged on her phone saying otherwise.

Jack Maynard: DJ Set @ London Club

Time: 8.00pm, Saturday the 4th

Shit. Jamilla had some feint recollection of discussing his work, a memory somewhere of him saying he had a show... she didn’t know he entered a fucking reminder in her phone.

Later that evening she got a text.

Jack: Be there or be square? 😊

Jamilla would have to go straight from work, onto the bus across town to make it just at eight. Her uncle probably wouldn’t be too impressed but she was 22, she deserved to let loose right? To have friends and go to events? And Jack seemed so excited... she couldn’t even begin to think of a disappointed Jack before she’d made her decision.

It was epic. She’d got there just on the dot of eight, rushing to the ticket booth praying she had enough cash or else it’d be embarrassing. When she slid her ID over the gateman pushed it back. “You’ve got a pre booked ticket, paid and everything mam.”

That bitch, Jamilla grumbled, taking the ticket nonetheless and heading inside. The beats were sick, the sweaty people jumping up and down in the same mood as her - hyped, excited, energised - and watching Jack’s face while he worked made her heart throb. He thought he spotted her, eyes falling on hers but she couldn’t be sure. She smiled anyway.

Jack: Thx for coming. Meet me backstage?

Jamilla receive this message from him just as the show had ended, unsure what to make of it. A booty call? A chat?

She went anyway, the couple of security guards seeming to know she was all good to come through. Jack was just striding into the dressing room when she entered.

“Jamilla, hey.” He grinned widely.

And then his kissed her, out of nowhere, his hands pressed against her jaw, her waist, kissing her deeply. This was no fucking mistake, no ‘habit’ and oh Jesus fuck.

She couldn’t help but reciprocate at first - it was intoxicating, drawing her into him - but she pulled away after a minute.

“Are you trying to get me in bed?”

Jack seemed stunned by her words. “No, no.”

He was fucking getting attached, like she was getting attached to him. This was bad, this was what wasn’t supposed to happen from a tinder date. Hookups not relationships and - she was going to have to walk away, more for his sake than hers.

“Shit, Jack,” she began, hand tugging at her hair. “This was supposed to be a hookup and the fuck knows how we screwed it up so bad. Look, I can’t really do seriously commitment stuff, I’m not up for that and I think we’re both getting too attached. This isn’t... right, I’m not right for you anyway. I think...” she watched his eyes scan across hers, betrayed, puzzled. God damn you Jack Maynard. “We should probably leave this here. You’re show was awesome, thank you.”

And she turned on her heel and exited into the hallway, her lips still buzzing from their kiss and a loud curse echoing down in the distance. Jamilla let a single tear drip from her eye before sucking it up. Walk away.

—

Jack called the next day. Jamilla let it ring out and was grateful he didn’t leave a voicemail. He did text though.

Jack: Jamilla can’t we even talk about it? You don’t have to cut me off completely.

She felt guilty but wouldn’t let herself reply. It was over - the sex was good, he was good, but it was never going to work. Yet that lunch break she found herself watching one of his videos on his channel, watching that smile, his Brighton accent, the shine in his eyes and she knew she was in deeper than she’d thought, that’d it’d hurt more than maybe she expected. There was some dull throb somewhere that ached, longing, missing, regretting.

He called a few times over that week - sometimes while is was at work, others at home which she left unanswered anyway. Her sister Greta even saw it one time, almost answering it before Jamilla called out to leave it. Her younger sibling smirked at the heart next to his name so she deleted it. It was over. But it was like each time he called it made her more emotional, know, shit, he actually cared about me. He actually cares.

She was going well, she was going strong for almost a month? when she finally cracked. It was after anything fucked up day, she was just finished screaming with her brother about staying in school and searching the house for loose coins, her boss wouldn’t give her more shifts and her uncle was late home, meaning she had to cook. And she was so angry, so emotional, that she walked off down the almost desolate urban streets to clear her rage. But when he called, tears already threatening her eyes, she snapped, sliding her finger across the answer button in a quick, fiery motion.

“What do you fucking want Jack? What the fuck do you want from me that you keep calling for, huh? I think I made myself clear.”

There was a pause on the other end - fucking hell, he was probably more than baffled by her sharp, angry voice. “Uh, shit Jamilla. I didn’t know we ended on such bad terms, I must have read the fucking situation wrong again.”

There was some malice to his words, probably riled up by her uncalled for, spitting tone. Fair enough, in hindsight. She knew he was hinting at something, not subtlety, such as him playing him along.

Jamilla rebutted with no lapse in her fury. “Maybe you did, Jack. But what do you want me to say, huh? What do you want to hear?”

“I just want some fucking answers, I want to know why you just cut it off, cut everything off after... it was fine. Don’t you get why I’m confused?”

“I gave you fucking answers!” She spat back. “I gave you plenty of fucking answers - we were getting too attached for a goddamn hookup, I don’t fucking do relationships and that’s what it was becoming... I’m not even good enough for you. Isn’t that enough Jack? Or would you like to hear the detailed fucking truth and not in so many words? Do you want to hear that I’m a fucking sleaze, a high school dropout with two minimum wage jobs about to loose the drug dealer flat I live in with my fucking family? That I work too many hours, that I try every fucking day to keep my siblings in school so they don’t end up dirt poor like we are, that my uncle is has depression because he works too much and I put more stress on him everyday I can’t get a better paying job? That I drink too much to fucking forget and I bitch to my one friend because my life’s so fucking hard? Do you fucking want some poor scum, some shitty gold digger of a girl in your fucking life? For Christ’s sake, Jack, do you want me to be so fucking selfish that I throw it all away to make myself happy?”

She was out of breath when she finished. There were salty tears slipping from her eyes but she was too exhausted to stop them. She’d given up on hiding tonight, her emotions had control and her feelings had been laid bare.

Before he could say anything she hangs up, finding her way to a graffitied park bench and letting herself drown in her overwhelming stream of thoughts and emotions.

Her phone rang beside her. She hadn’t expected him to call back right away, she thought she would’ve scared him off for a little longer maybe. But fuck, she let out a sob when she saw his name across the screen in a matter of seconds. She answered with no thought.

“Yes?” Her voice has a softer, subdued sound to it now, the anger long disappeared into the night.

“Jamilla,” Jack spoke, strained but laced with a whisper of something else. “Jamilla, you’re so strong. You’re so strong - it doesn’t matter that you’re poor, it doesn’t change anything, not to me. You’re not poor because you-you don’t work hard... it’s because you’re in a shitty situation, that’s all. How could I judge you on something so far out of your control? Jamilla, you’re so busy worrying about other people that you- you’re allowed to do things for yourself - it’s not selfish, it’s fucking self-care. ...isolating yourself isn’t okay, you need people, you need support, you need friends... everyone does, Jamilla, it’s normal. I want to be there for you. Please...”

Fresh tears pricked at her eyes, the Brighton boy on the other end of the phone speaking something so genuine and meaningful, touching. As he trailed off she wiped at her sticky tears.

“... just think about it, okay? Call me anytime. Please don’t cut yourself off again. I’m here.”

“Thank you.” She whispered back.

—

She didn’t know what to expect when she arrived at his flat a few days later. But it was okay. Jack greeted Jamilla with a warm hug and she felt welcomed, wanted, and he told her he’d missed her. She didn’t think too hard about what this was, what they were, because she made a pledge to herself to just let it happen. But when he kissed her sweetly against the kitchen counter she knew that he wanted something proper. He wouldn’t press it, but Jamilla couldn’t help but smile at the thought of having aboyfriend. Heading out to lunch, holding his hand and slipping past Conor in the lounge room, Jamilla glanced at her phone and thought about deleting her Tinder from her phone... it didn’t seem like she’d need it. He was there for her, she was there for him - it’d be okay. She deserved it, she deserved to be happy, she told herself. And he made her happy, for sure.

[ashbrunette-blog1]

Sunday 01/20/19

Today your best friend is moving across the country, to start her new career and life. You have not seen her in person since you went out with her and your co worker’s Thursday night. Even though you were exhausted from the day and told her you would rather meet up in the morning and have simple goodbye, just the two of you. Besides you haven’t been drinking this month either and the thought of sitting up at a bar, taking the attention away from her co worker’s and their goodbye, really did not appeal to you. However, you did not drive to her closet she is renting from a mural friend. Your best friend would have to drive you across the street to your student apartment still on campus. She is irritated with your proposal of a more imitate goodbye in the morning, and guilts you in to going to the bar with her co workers. She does this to you while you’re both in her car and she is already headed in the direction of the bar, as though she already made the decision for you to go. The bar was fine, but you did not want to drink and knew you would be not that much fun. But you also knew you were not there for you, you were there for your best friend. Your boyfriend even fell asleep since the two of you were up until three am the night before and you had class at eight am. So your phone was dry, this forced you to nod and smile at the conversations of the co workers. Even though nothing pertained to you and you barely knew them, but it did not matter because again you were not there for you. It probably was for the better that your boyfriend fell asleep so you wouldn't be rude and on your phone, giving your attention to him and not your best friend. She had already accused you of not wanting to go to the bar for her, to go off and see him for the night. You tried to reassure your best friend that this was not the case that you were just tried and wanted a chill night in. Again she did not believe you and there you sat in her car, putting on dark lip stick to look more bar like. Even though you were still dressed in the clothes from seven am for class. The real reason you did not want to go to the bar was, you had online homework to finish that was due that night. You already knew she would not have taken this “excuse” either. And you were to already felt bad because you were late meeting her today, on her last day in town. 

You had a phone interview today but the company did not call you until later in the time slot. This pushed back your plans with her and your homework because you passed out, due to the lack of sleep. You did not even want to tell your best friend about the interview because it isn’t what she thinks you should be doing and does not understand your plans for money, or lack there of. But you told her about to push back the plans but she didn’t even ask about until hours after you were together. It slipped her mind. But you don’t mind because you know she has so much going on in her own life. She is driving across the country in a few days to her rich family to then work for a company that her uncle in the CEO and he already has a job title in line for her. She graduated a few weeks ago in the winter semester with a degree that probably won’t have landed her the job if her uncle didn't run the company, but you would never tell her that. You did not. You were supposed to graduate this spring but your classes require a little more time and energy that you often lack due to time spend at work and with friends. You also struggled with what you wanted to do with your life and who you were all through college. Due to trauma, family moving eight hours aways, loss of friendships, a break-up, joining and dropping a sorority, financial stress and sometimes what seems like a never ending cycle of insecurity and self doubt. You are okay with not graduating “on time” for you have learned so much through the semester of living on your own at college and know you still have so much more to offer and grow from. This is the answer people do not always take lightly. For they seen your social media and assumed your college timeline was from you partying and not taking life serious. What they did not see was the girl who was afraid to be alone and struggled with both self worth and alcoholism and was over coming all on her own. This is why is pushed off her responsibilities from time to time, because she did not like the person she found herself being when she was alone. 

Your best friend and her co workers wanted to go to a arcade place in the mall by the bar after. You had to go because she drove you there and did not want to disappoint her, when she was having so much fun. You picked up the calamari bill, that you split. You knew your best friend wanted to order it. You already knew she was a little bothered by your decision to not drink this month because you were doing with your boyfriend. You were still exhausted and weren’t feeling the arcade place but before you knew it you were walking in with everyone. The rest of the night was summed up with everyone wanted to sing karaoke but you and the pregnant girl. The room was thirty two dollars to rent so everyone was getting out cash to divide it up. You told your best friend you did not want to sing and did not have cash on you. She was irritated and got out enough for the both you to get in. Even though she did not spend a dime at the bar and your homework was passed due at this point. You sat and watched everyone sing off key, you smiled and took videos and pretend to enjoy yourself. You did not leave the arcade until one thirty in the morning, on the car ride home her discussed her annoyance with her co worker for ruining “her” night for going off to a hotel and fucking a “ratchet” girl they used to work with. The guy was drunk all night and seemed in your eyes like a threat-less loser. She continued to say that they hooked up in the same hotel because he has money and he was only trying to get with this girl to make her jealous. You did not want to give your input on the situation. You sat there and thought about how this was the last time you were going to see her in person for a while. You knew you were not going to get up in the morning to help her pack and say goodbye because you wanted to sleep in, had errands to run and had a closing shift you knew would be stressful. You were disappointed in yourself for not completing your homework but knew the night was important to her and you had to play the best friend role. 

In the morning you wake up earlier than you expected, after some quite morning time alone, finishing a Netflix episode. You call your boyfriend, you need a little of his goofiness to make you smile after the confusion of last night. You lay in bed and you start to feel better about the day ahead. He tells you all about his day yesterday, tells you he misses you and wants to show off his new hair cut to you tonight after you both get off work. As you talk to him, you slowly get out your warm bed and start getting ready for the day, even though it’s almost noon now. Your boyfriend is now getting his car washed and vacuumed out and now he wants to FaceTime call you. You hesitant for a moment, as you’re in your bathroom applying foundation, wearing only a Calvin Klein gray sports bar and gray sports. Your boyfriend has touched every inch of your body so its not his judgement you fear it's your own criticism. You haven’t been feeling very confident with your self lately. You know stress and poor diet take most of the credit. Your hair is thinning and the ends are horrible so the bun on top of your head is not as full and playful. You skin is hasn’t been this bad since your heavy drinking days at the beginning of college. And time away from the gym shows all over your body compared to what it looked like in selfies from last year. You answer the FaceTime call anyway because you do not want to be the girlfriend that hinds and covers up her body all the time especially since that just is not your personality. After your break up last year, when you were running and lost your college drinking weight, you’d answer FaceTime calls in just your robe, to guys who did not even deserve to see you like that. It kills you that you can’t seem to give your boyfriend that confident vision of yourself to him all the time right now. You’re super stressed and your body shows it. But you are also is such a good happy place compared to where you were before so it feels like a constant pull and release battle between you and the world. And all you want to be able to do is give him the best vision of you because he fills the holes in your heart, that were created from guys in the past. 

You’re going on a much needed get away for your birthday, just two weekends away. You and your boyfriend have talked about going to city since before Christmas and it is finally almost here. Your best friend does not like it when you talk about your birthday plans since it is just you and him going. In all actuality she does not like when you talk about him at all. You know it is just because you have someone that treats you right and loves spending time with you and she does not. You would never say this flat out to her face so you just avoid talking about him obsessively even though he is your first real love. You still need to get the perfect dress for your birthday, money is always tight but that isn’t the biggest concern since you are an amazing deal finder. It is the fit of the dress in general, you spent hours this week looking at countess websites of perfect girls in perfect dresses and bad thoughts about yourself start to take over. Thought you have been able to ignore for a while, have now come back to haunt you. You’re worried that your time away from the gym will show in pictures you take in the dress, and you also have had a bad work week so your diet when you came home was very unforgiving. You go to the mall by yourself, you went with your best friend last week to look but she had little to no excitement for you so it made the decision process more difficult. You and your best friend have very different styles too, she keeps pulling flashy dresses from cheap material that remind you of her new year’s eve dress and turning her nose at something more fashion forward and would complement your slim but curvy body. Shopping by yourself is more relaxing and you use your good eye quickly as you scan from rack to rack. In the fitting room at a high end department store outlet is where you find that perfect dress for your birthday. The price is ridiculously cheap thanks to all the semi annual after holiday sales. You wish your body looked how it did last year but the size small still has a little bit of room to move around in comfortably and you know with a more conscious diet the next two weeks you’ll be fine. The dress fits the occasion perfectly, it’s form fitting, red, one of his favorite colors, that says yes I am spending a my twenty-second birthday for a weekend in the city with my super attractive and put together boyfriend. You get home and spend a snapchat to your boyfriend and best friend just a of the shopping bag o with a caption of excitement. Your boyfriend responses with a positive message and of course wants to see the dress on you. Your best friend responses later, with a video of her car all packed up before she leaves to spend the weekend with your close friend at her college campus before heading across country, and does not respond anything about the dress. Should you allow this to bother you know and should you have expected anything less. Your best friend said her and your other friend would have all have to get together and do something for your birthday before she left on her journey. That did not happen, when everyone got together and spend money for a limo and dresses for her birthday downtown. You tell yourself that is’t fine though because you would have not wanted to be the center of attention like that in front of everyone. Even though you did without meaning to. That night goes down in history with numerous other regrets. You drank too much again, and blacked out for more than half the night and this time it was pretty public. Your dress ended up being too short, due too your long waist with hourglass hips so your ass was out all night. Luckily everyone was pretty trashed too and laughed it off, including your boyfriend. You were fine in the back of the limo after finishing your tequila and sipping your boyfriend’s vodka. You and him got to sit in the private back of the limo since your the “it” couple of the moment. It wasn’t until you got in the club and took down two complimentary shots of Hennessy that the night turned bad for you. You woke up next to him safely in your student apartment, naked of course, with no recall of the night after the Henny. This is not how your want your twenty-second birthday to be, you’re still embarrassed and don’t allow yourself to think about the night. You were doing so good with your drinking, you hadn’t blacked out since the summer and the last thing you wanted so him to see you like that again, now that you were his girlfriend. 

You saw on your best friend’s social media that she was on the road this morning, heading to her new life. So you snapped her that you would call her later on today when you won’t wake someone up. Your boyfriend laid sound asleep next to you as he did the night before last as well. You never get tired of being around him and love the idea of waking up to someone you know cares about you. You think about how amazing the last two nights have been with him. Friday night you felt closer to him on a physical level as you experiment and got more comfortable with one another sexually. And Saturday night was no sex, but coming back from a Hookah lounge buzzed off tobacco, talking about that idea of moving in together doesn’t freak either one of you out. You have to be out of your student apartment in April and don’t want to take more loans out to stay on campus for the summer as you have to take classes. The worst case scenario would be going eight hours away to where your parents relocated but you know you would not be okay leaving him. You hadn’t lived with your parents full time since you were eighteen and the thought of giving up some independence is not an opinion. Your boyfriend is the one that brought up the idea of moving in with him weeks ago, you loved the idea but did not want to rush into anything. You told your best friend this when he offered and she looked down on the idea, and compared her experience with living with her abusive relationship in high school. You knew when you called your best friend you won’t talk about you amazing Friday night with him or how you bought the Hookah back to your apartment and laid on your bed buzzed and discussed the word love for the first time ever. When your boyfriend went to work, you finally called your best friend. She talked about her wild weekend with your friend across state, how they went to amazing restaurants and all the things that bugged her about the other friend. She talked about the drive and how it was seeing different parts of the country and you couldn’t help but appreciate were you are now. You told her about your date played with your man tomorrow and you could hear the interest in her voice fade so you told yourself that was enough of mentioning him. Your boyfriend wanted to say goodbye to your best friend since we were all friends originally since back in the early summer, but after New Year’s Eve your boyfriend told you he was straight on seeing your best friend again. Even though he still asks about your best friend, wanting to make sure she made it across country. 

You know you are going to miss her and will try to go out and visit her. But you are also starting to realize how different your lives are about to become and how badly you want to pave your own way and grow from the person you see yourself as right now. You tell her about the in person interview you have tomorrow and how you hope it’ll work out. You don’t tell her how badly you want it so you’ll be able to move out of the student life where your surrounded by people who used to judge you on the person you were before. The job would insure you rent money, help you get out of debt, allow you to move on from your current job that turned stressful and a great place to meet new people since your best friend is leaving and your circle of college friends has decreased as you became more you and less of what people wanted you to be. You will miss your best friend but now more than ever you want and need to focus on you. Even when you have days where you don’t want to leave your room and see your acquaintance roommates who might judge you for not getting ready for the day or eating weird combinations of food because you won’t get paid for the another two weeks and just had to pay your phone bill. You know it won’t be like this for the rest of your life and you are ready to focus on the positive and hon in on the girl that put her health above everything and smiled for no reason at all. 

[settle4half]

can you answer like.. all of those aesthetic questions??

(YOU KNOW ILY RIGHT - also under a read more for those who want to know me better i guess)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

yesterday, bc the new bts album came out and i was humming anpanman ~

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

there’s no question of truthfulness that i want to know the answer of.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

i was born on the same day/year as jungkook from bts. i’m still alive.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

wow, idk?? spending a chill afternoon with one of my best friend? supporting her??

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

i would drop out of university, get a loan from a bank and travel the rest of the year.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

visit another country this year, pass all my exams this session, get a job during summer.

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

one of the most hard-working, talented and good people i know. literally the prettiest person, very understanding and loving and supportive. being around her literally puts my soul at ease. very funny, nerd-ish in the best way possible of the term, living too far-away from me, wish i could always hug her and kiss her puffy cheeks. she made me who i am today.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

not really, when i think back, it’s generally the bad thing that comes to mind; i was a very lonely child well into my teenage years, and my relation with my parents only recently became good enough to call myself pleased as well. it could have been WAY worse, so i’d say it was just okay.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

yesterday, of frustration.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

my friend (soul sister really) carmela whose @ i don’t know anymore bc i’m a mess on tumblr. she loves the stars, she knows the stars, and it’d be the most magical thing in the world to be there, watch the admiration on her face, hear her explain things to me.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

sure, i’m an open book.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

my best friends, idk, last time 3am caught us all together, maybe a couple of weeks ago.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

ugh idk, i have nothing to say to anyone.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

I LOVE THEM i have brown eyes and i love them bc it’s either starry-eyes or melted chocolate eyes AND BOTH are magical i love brown eyes so much.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“I have cried myself to the person I am today” bc it’s my own life journey, tbh.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“Overcoming and accepting the wrongs of my self”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

BTS CONCERT TICKETS !!! travel!!!

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

i feel like i am!!! i can get over so many things in the name of love (of all types)!!! and i hate it bc no one actually appreciates it!!!! fuck off!!!

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

you are so damn angry all the damn time and rightfully so. you’ll go through shit for a while still, but you’ll meet people so extraordinary that you’ll cry in a bus station because you feel too blessed and happy to be met with kindness. i miss your desperate determination and resolution. you will create so much out of it and i’m so proud you made it. i know it’s not easy, it never was. you’ll change so much, i can barely recognize myself in you anymore. you’ll learn so much more. hey, regrets are piling up. but go forward, i’m waiting.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

pastel at heart, punk at exterior.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I’D LOVE THEM ALL. i want all the piercings, and tattoos are cool but i feel pressured to find some i really love b4 getting any. i’ll eventually get both tho!~

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

depends on my mood, my general go-to make-up consists of face-cream, eye-shadow and mascara, and maybe lipstick. i barely put any face make-up bc i’m lazy, but i’d love to look on fleek all the time.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

BTS saved my life, and i’m not just dramatic when i say this. they literally help me be a better version of myself every single day.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

“Don’t break your tenderness.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

basically summerwell 2016/2017, i looooved the years&years performance, they were my fav band at that moment, and i cried throughout all and i just?? it’s very emotional, the kind of energy that forms in a space where you know everyone loves the same thing as you do, wow!!

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

can i be a cheese ball? bts: we see you.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

i have!! cups (one for each type of beverage) some pen holders, tissues, and that’s kind of about it ~

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

read fanfiction for 3 hours until you fall asleep.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

don’t have such a thing.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

i’d like green at some point, but i’m quite pleased with a black bob at the moment ~

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

my 2 uni best friends, my other 2 best friends and before mentioned carmela. let’s see japan together!

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

i prefer to keep them secret until i can make them happen heheh, but you can figure them out from answers on some other questions here... oups.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

the bed-sheets ghost.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

uhm kissed someone?

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

kill someone, but tbh i’m so desperate for money that i’d step on any other of my principles.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

why is this question so radical omg!!! song: paradise from bts and person.... my best friend that i described (heheh sorry you got stuck with me)

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

yeah..... with park jimin from bts, this is SO LAME but like??? i literally smile like a fool when i see his selfies and i feel my heart grow 10 times in size when i hear his voice and i just want him happy forever.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

yeah sure, and i guess i tried it, but i don’t think short hair really fits me, not with my current body proportions.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

americano, it’s not that hard, anyone can work that one out.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

my friends and BTS.

[impalaimagining]

PittCon Saturday

(holy shit y’all this was so much to remember from this morning until now. sorry if I forgot anything) Also this is obnoxiously long so this one gets a cut. #You’reWelcome

Read Friday’s here.

Part One: 

No Rob Benedict. Rich makes promises of him later.

ROB BENEDICT!!! He walked out with Briana and she claims she planned the whole thing.

Briana, Kim, and Gil didn’t have anyone lined up for questions. Briana threatened period talk. Gil blushed. 

Questions for Briana today instead of Kim. Briana does a little victory thing every time someone says, “My question is for Bri.” Kim mocks her from yesterday and says, “I’m gonna answer it anyway.”

Gil is third-wheelin’ it, hard. 

Gil addresses the whole thing that happened with the butt grabbing. He wanted to “nip it in the bud because it was weighing very heavily” on him. Apparently I missed that last night because I had no idea what he was even talking about when he said it. He’s a great guy. Try not to fault him for one little slip, yeah? He’s human. Cut the man some slack. 

Part Two: 

Rob scolds Rich for not telling us about the “I <3 KoC” shirts. Debates about whether it’s pronounced like Coke or like cock. “Wear that to Grandma’s house.” “One of those things will kill you!” 

Matt, Rob, and Rich bounce off of one another unbelievably well. 

Pssst, Matt Cohen is fucking attracccttiivveeeee

Questions about other projects and hobbies come up. Matt says he wants to get into racing again. Racing is in his future. Richard says he’s a lot like his father. His father was a lawyer. Rob used to have his own baseball league. With himself. He made up teams like “The Colors” and “Other Things.”

Rob and Rich are besties and it makes my life. 

The pilot for Skyward is streaming now on Amazon. Rich said there’s a part already sketched out for Rob if the show continues. It wasn’t his idea to include Rob, but he wanted to eventually anyway. 

Part Three:

Mark Sheppard is either consistently grouchy or was very tired/cranky today.

Almost all of his answers boiled down to one word, so that was the one word he used, and then moved on. He probably answered more questions on his own than Misha and Jake did combines just because of how fast he was moving. 

He said fuck Creation’s rules and walked around the crowd most of the time. Also joked about how when he was more powerful (and important), they never would’ve allowed that. (sad face on my part)

A fan asks how he feels about Fergus’s deal and how he lost his soul, what he sold it for. He doesn’t laugh. Just says, “If you want to ask about my penis, there are other ways to do it. I can’t relate to Fergus, if that’s what you’re asking.”

His favorite line is “Where’s your moose?” 

“You’re good, but I’m Crowley,” was improv. 

Talking about his wife and daughter made him light up like a Christmas tree. It was adorable. 

Everyone thinks he hates cats. He got very snarky about it. “Did I say I hate cats? No. I don’t hate anything. I hate Misha. Oops.”

He thinks Crowley came full circle. There wasn’t much else for him to do in the series, he thinks. 

He doesn’t understand the logic behind Rowena being Crowley’s mother.When Rowena dies at the hands of Lucifer (the first time), Mark said the line, “Always thought I’d be the one to do it,” felt very right in that moment.

Part Four: 

Jake Abel has the bubbliest butt in the entire cast. To quote myself from earlier today, “You could bounce a fuckin nickel off of that thing.”

He’s been creating plotlines and ways to bring Adam back. New plans are made every time he comes to a convention. Currently, we’re looking at an Adam spinoff in which he and his mother are resurrected (him from Hell, her from Heaven) and become hunters. They have “opposing forces!” as Jake said, and the story would follow the way they got the opposing forces to work together for the same common purpose.

This man is insane. 

He kept reminding us that he was in a weird mood because his flight didn’t get in until 4am.

Sleepy Jake is the cutest. 

Talk of Percy Jackson. 

Lots of talk about bringing Adam back. 

Part Five: 

MISHA. FREAKIN. COLLINS.

Guys. I’ve never been more amazed by one person’s smile and overall attitude. He’s so cheery and bright and uugghhh Misha.

He tells a story about his dad, and then says that he had to tell his children about his parents’ (brief, I think?) split, but he doesn’t want it to sound like that’s the only way marriages can end. The next day, his son went to school and told the teacher, “I want my parents to get a divorce.” I literally have no idea if this is true, but it’s what Misha told us.

Fake spoilers for Season 13, but he told us that he was filming it last night. Jared and Jensen still fuck with him to no end. 

“We were filming. Jared was on the bed, and we were doing something we don’t usually do on Supernatural.” *cue roars from the audience*

I think he tried to fight someone in the crowd. I have photos of his bulgy eyes and sassy jawline. Yeah, it’s a thing. 

MY PHOTO OP WITH HIM !!!!!!!!!

I was going to show him the photo of himself standing in front of the whiteboard with his drawing of Maison and the dandelion. Creation doesn’t allow phones in the photo op rooms so I had to put it in my pocket, which was fine.

I walked up and asked the woman if I could show him something. She said, “Sure, just make it quick!” Again, I get it. Not a problem. 

I’m standing there waiting with my arm pulled out of my sleeve to show him my tattoo. I walk up and I’m greeted with the most amazing smile and such a soft “hi.” 

I blurt out, “I NEED TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING!” *shoves my arm towards him* *silence from Misha as he stares*

His mouth kind of popped open when he realized what it was. His eyes are so freakin’ blue and I know because he looked me directly in them and told me, “That’s amazing.” 

My heart is racing, but I lean and and we hug and Chris snaps the photo. I step to walk away and Misha grabs my hands (!!!!!!!!!) I turn and look up at him (because damn he’s tall! He’s right, he’s just surrounded by giants.) and he squeezes my hands. “That’s amazing.” It’s so quiet and I blink for a second. “Thank you.” I get another tight hand squeeze and thank him before running into the hallway and crying. (*inhale* I’m okay, really.)

HUGE HUGE HUGE FUCKIN’ THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO DONATED MONEY TO GET ME THAT OP. I LOVE YOU ALL AND IF/WHEN I MEET YOU GUYS, HUGS ALL AROUND.

On to the auto. I showed him the tattoo again, quickly spat out, ”I know I showed it to you at the photo ops but...!”  and he drew a heart next to his name when he signed it. I got another “That’s amazing. Thank you so much.” and that friggin smile

I still don’t know if he knows the tattoo is his handwriting. I assume he could tell when he looked at it, especially for how long he looked at it. But *shrugs* maybe one day I’ll tell him.

While waiting for Misha’s op, I MET @HIGHONPASTRIES (whose tumblr is literally not working this weekend, just FYI)!!! There’s a selfie to prove it. Will be posted later.

Part Six: 

SNS

Jake introduces the band. First starts by demanding that we chant, “Bring Adam back,” over and over again. Chant quickly turns into, “Lou-den Swain.”

I didn’t know I needed a fuckin’ KAZOO. *cough cough* @torn-and-frayed @nichelle-my-belle-spn-con-blog (still waiting for the kazoo tip to make an appearance)

Rob Benedict sang half a song without a microphone. Don’t know why. It just wasn’t working. 

MATT COHEN WINKED AS HE RAN PAST ME Y’ALL. Camera was too slow to capture it but if anyone has that wink, good God send it this way, please.

Sam Smith popped out! Just to introduce Kim though - no singing. 

Kim Rhodes was so nervous and I just want to hug her and tell her she’s amazing. 

Briana was wearing LEATHER BOOTS UP TO HER HIPS. #YAAAASSSS

Gil McKinney. That fuckin’ man. Making me cry and shit, two days in a row. 

Drunk Matt Cohen is a thing of my dreams. 

Lots of guest appearances within the band. Chris on bass, Rich on bass, Adam from Creation on keys, Rich on guitar and the mic. Nobody takes Billy’s guitar from him though ;) 

Whipping Post sans Jensen. Still fuckin’ awesome. 

Fare Thee Well!!!! Rob prefaced it with a spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen the episode yet. *giggle*

Rob cried singing She Waits. Then said he loves us so much it’s unreal. This man is pure and good and needs to be protected at all costs. 

They played my faaave song. It’s called Amazing. 

Kazoo song. Also known as Medicated. Someone had an amplifier for their kazoo. Rob was very impressed. Cast members are getting better at the kazoo solo. Rob isn’t happy about it. “This isn’t as fun when you guys are gooood.” 

Questions? Comments? Anything? If you’re at the con, come find me and say hi! I’ll be in (or around) seat D25! :) 

TOMORROW I MEET JARED AND JENSEN Y’ALL THIS IS ITTTTT. *quietly crying bc tomorrow is the end*

*falls into bed and immediately starts snoring* P.S. Cons are exhausting in the best possible way.

[blacklioness15]

Not a Horror Movie.

Hello procrastination my old friend

Hi, guys! I present to you my longest oneshot yet! It’s been a wild ride because I’ve wanted to write something like this for a very long time. 

This is a self-insert, my dudes, so you’ll know a lot about me after this. 

I hope you enjoy it!

Genre: Horror, comedy and sarcasm

Warnings: A lot of swearing (Really, a lot), a brief description of a family’s death (So gore, I think?), literally just a word in portuguese and lots of references

Words: 5.7K

Melina was used to moving out of town.

Of country, it's another story.

The woman looked at the building in front of her, watching the flow of students coming and going.

Sighing, she lifted her suitcase and placed the straps on her shoulder. She looked at the number in the palm of her hand for the last time and entered the building.

It didn't take long to find her room in the dorm. Number 244, second floor (she thanked the heavens for not being on one of the higher floors).

It was a simple place - a room with two beds and two dressers on opposite sides; a relatively large living room, which was divided into a small kitchen. The bathroom was communal, as were the showers.

The brunette took little time to store her clothes and organize her things (which had arrived a few days earlier).

As soon as she finished packing her bag (she only had class the next day, but she preferred to do things early), the student left her room and sighed.

Students of all ages and races walked down the hallway, sometimes looking at the stranger.

Smiling politely to some people, she left the building, heading for the office.

First day: boring.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"You're the exchange student, aren't you?"

Looking away from her pasta, Melina frowned but nodded.

The two men - both with curly black hair and dark brown eyes, but one had pale skin while the one who spoke had tanned skin like hers.

"Nice to meet you!" He sat down in front of the woman "I'm Ned."

Ned pulled the other's arm, making the brunette sit next to him.

"This is Samuel. He's not very good with new people..."

The brunette smiled at the man's flushed cheeks.

"My name is Melina." She adjusted her glasses on her face, her black eyes glittering. "But you can call me Mel. Nice to meet you!"

In a few minutes, the student discovered that Ned was American, but his parents were Mexican and he was in the third year of Information Systems (a year older than her).

Samuel didn't really talk much, but he mentioned that he was in the second year of Gastronomy.

"Well, I'm Brazilian." She took a sip of her Sprite. "And I'm in the second year of Biological Science."

Frowning, the woman moved one of her curls off her face.

"Our courses are hella different. How did you know who I am?"

Ned elbowed Samuel, who nearly choked on his pudding.

"Ah ... I saw you in the dorms yesterday. Your room is across from ours." He gestured to Ned. "And there's also the fact that no one ever stays in room 244 for some reason."

"People can't sleep there." Ned shrugged. "Probably because the bedroom window faces the weird house."

At the sight of Melina's confused expression, Samuel began to speak.

"Three students who entered the abandoned house died a few days later. They say they left normal, as if nothing happened, but ended up suffering some accident later."

"I don't trust rumors, but this is weird as hell." Ned murmured. "Well, let's not scare our new colleague! Do you want us to show you the campus? Our tour is A +!"

"That would be great. When..."

The shrill sound of the signal made the three of them close their eyes.

Melina widened them as she saw half of her pasta still on the plate and her pudding in the plastic bowl.

Stuffing the fork into her mouth, her pasta disappeared in a few seconds. The brunette got up, taking one last sip of her soda and taking her pudding and spoon.

"Oh, I'll see you guys later!" Stuffing the spoon in the bowl, she smiled "I have anatomy class now."

The men watched curiously as she walked away.

"Be less obvious, Samuel." Ned shook his head. "You're such a virgin, oh my God."

"You're a virgin too, you idiot." The other muttered, getting up "Come on, we have class now."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

A few weeks passed and the three of them became good friends.

Ned actually made a tour of the campus for the woman, while Samuel talked about the place from time to time.

Now, every Friday night was movie night (none of them liked parties), where each one chose a movie and they passed the night watching.

But the days that Melina liked most were Tuesdays and Saturdays.

And today was Saturday.

The brunette smiled as Samuel pulled the collar of the pug. Ned chattered between the two friends, while Melina watched the dog and Samuel tried not to lose it.

Ned stopped abruptly, making the woman look at him.

The brunet swallowed, looking to the right.

Samuel and Melina followed his line of vision, finding an abandoned house.

They were a few inches from the grass, which was dead - just like the trees beside the residence.

The wood was painted black a few decades ago, because it was now a faded dark gray with various flaws.

What broke the silence was the barking of the pug, Anakin (yes, Anakin), who gazed intently at a window that had a piece of broken glass.

"I wanna go in there."

Melina looked weirdly at Ned, slapping his shoulder.

"No, you don't enter the house where three people died after they entered." The brunette tugged on his friend's arm. "Especially if your dog barked at the window of the fricking abandoned house."

The brunet pouted, gaining a scary look from the woman. Taking Samuel's arm, she pulled the two friends towards the dorms.

"Come on, I made strogonoff."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Melina never thought this day would come.

The trio (she, Ned and Samuel) stood in front of the "haunted" house. One of the Computer Science students had joined some friends to go out on a Friday night (almost dawn in the case) and Ned was among these friends.

After some complaints from his friends about canceling movie night, he finally persuaded them to accompany him - "You'll get free food", he said.

But here they were, not in a house full of rich, drunk young adults, but in the garden of the fricking house where Anakin barked at a window.

"So, you know" The 'host', a dude named Michael "We have some new friends with us tod- tonight!"

Melina sighed, approaching Samuel.

"He's already so drunk." - She mumbled, nudging Ned "Hey, where's the food?"

The brunet opened his mouth to speak, being interrupted by Michael.

"Ned, the genius! Samuel, the chef!" Some students hollered "And Melissa, the foreigner!"

As soon as the noise ceased, the brunette snorted.

"It's Melina."

"Whatever." The man continued "We have a ritual every Friday 13th."

He threw the beer can on the lawn, stepping on it and making a loud noise.

"One of you goes into the house, takes a selfie in the attic and brings it to us. He pointed to the top of the house. "And we pay your lunch for a month."

The blond nudged a girl, who whispered something in his ear.

"Samuel is the chosen one!"

A few more shouts rang, bothering the trio.

"Are you going or not?"

Samuel sighed, looking at Michael.

"A month's food for all of us?"

The blonde nodded, making the man take a few steps forward.

Ned, wide eyed, stared at his friend.

"Wait!" Melina said, making the brunet stop "I'll go with you."

Michael whistled, folding his arms.

"Afraid of losing your boyfriend?" He shook his head. "We'll cut the prize down to three weeks."

"I don't care." The woman answered, walking up to Samuel "If you go in there, you won't go alone."

Samuel blushed, turning away.

"Ok."

They both headed for the house, ignoring the students' crazy screams and Ned's stare.

Melina stepped in front of Samuel, opening the door and entering.

"Believe me." She pulled the man inside, closing the door. "It's never good to be the first to come in."

"Then why did you do it?" He frowned. "And why did you come?"

The brunette rolled her eyes, blushing. Taking Samuel's hand, she looked at the room in which they stood.

"Because I've seen enough horror movies to know that you shouldn't go alone in such a place. You shouldn't go into such a place in general." She sighed. "What won't you do for food."

Two dusty couches were in what was the living room, in front of a giant wooden box - one of those old radios.

"When was it abandoned?"

The brunette adjusted the glasses on her face, trying to see more of the place. The light of the street lamps didn't help much.

"I guess in the 1930s," Samuel replied, holding the woman's hand tightly. "I don't remember everything. One family was killed in 1926 and the next residents ran away a few weeksafter they bought the house. They left everything behind."

Flicking a finger on the dusty couch, the man held in a sneeze.

"No one has lived here ever since."

Melina turned to the hallway, letting go of the brunet's hand and sneezing.

Samuel murmured a "Bless you."

"Thanks. Fucking rhinitis."

The woman sniffled, focusing on the stairs.

"Samuel."

The man looked at Melina.

"What is it?"

She pointed at the stairs, blinking a few times.

"Do you see that?"

Looking at the same spot as the brunette, he shook his head.

"No. What is it?"

Even with the poor lighting, Melina could see a human form standing up. With one arm (?) resting on the railing of the stairs, the thing - That looked more like a corpse, so pale - watched her with golden eyes. In a few seconds, it smiled at the woman, it's eyes turning completely black.

With widened eyes, Melina turned and pushed Samuel towards the door, yanking it open. Without looking back, they both left the house.

Michael and the other students looked at the pair curiously - Melina was wide-eyed and seemed to be sweating (even at 48 degrees).

Ned seemed ready to enter the house and find out for himself what happened when the brunette screamed.

"The fucking ghost smiled at me!"

Michael held in a chuckle when he saw the brunette's wide eyes and closed fists. Samuel took one of her hands, opening it and lacing their fingers.

"Mel..."

"Oh really? A ghost?" Now his laughter echoed through the garden. "Don't you have a better story to make up? You're two cowards, that's what..."

Melina pulled Samuel's hand as she took a step forward, causing the man to move with her.

"Oh, yeah? Go on then, macho man. Instead of challenging others, why don't you go in?"

The woman huffed, looking at the other students.

"Just don't complain when the next corpse to be examined in anatomy class is his."

Leaving the students wide-eyed, the Brazilian headed toward the dorms, taking Samuel with her (followed by Ned). You can just imagine the earful she gave him when they got back.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"I'm telling you, there was a fucking ghost in that shithole..."

The brunette's cell phone vibrated in her pocket.

"It's my mom."

Ned arched a brow and Samuel looked at her curiously.

"I need to stop cursing, she'll end up coming here to break my teeth."

Pulling the cell phone from her pocket, Melina answered the call.

"Hi, Mom." She smiled. "Everything is okay, yeah. Why do you ask?"

Even with the phone attached to her ear, her friends could hear her mother (but they didn't understand anything she said).

"Melina, there's something wrong. Are you eating right?" A sigh "What a dumb question. You forget your own head, but don't forget to eat. Never mind, it's late there, isn't it? Go to sleep! Study tomorrow morning, don't forget to review your things. Good night! I love you!"

"Love you too, Mom."

Turning the device off, the brunette leaned her head against the wall. The trio was in the boys' room.

"She feels when I say a swear word."

Sighing, the woman's eyes widened.

"Ned, never again..."

After explaining what happened and what she saw, Melina gave an earful to Ned and Samuel. The scolding festival  took a few minutes, just because the brunette was "too sleepy for this."

It was about eleven o'clock when she went to her room, flopping on the bed and sleeping like a rock.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The woman sat up in bed, groggy, and looked at her cell phone.

3:33 a.m.

Rubbing her eyes and picking up her glasses, she glanced around, trying to position herself.

Her eyes finally glanced through the window, to the window of the attic of the abandoned house.

The walking corpse was there - staring at her.

"Fucking shit, what the fu-"

The brunette closed her curtains, taking her pillow and running through her "apartment." She picked up the key on the living room table and walked out of the room, not even bothering to lock the door, and opened the door of her friends' room with the key in her hand.

She went in and closed the door quickly, locking it and running to the boys' room.

She stood in the doorway, watching her friends sleep. Ned laid sprawled on his bed with his mouth open; while Samuel was in a fetal position, making no sound at all.

Melina approached Samuel's bed - It was a single bed, but there would be room for both of them, unlike Ned.

She crouched near the side of the mattress, poking her friend's cheek.

"Samuel, hey."

The brunet opened his eyes slowly, sitting up when he saw the woman.

"What time is it?" He widened his eyes "Wait, why are you here?"

Melina sat on the bed, hugging her pillow and looking at Samuel.

"Now I know why no one stays in that room." She sighed. "It's 3:33, Samuel. It's the devil's hour."

Approaching her friend (who was almost merging with the wall), she continued to speak.

"I woke up for some reason and looked out the window. That thing was staring at me." She blushed. "No one has ever seen that?"

"No." He nodded. "What did you see, anyway?"

"It looked like one of the Twilight vampires." She laughed. "A walking corpse, with golden eyes. But when he smiled, his eyes went completely black and damn, it's teeth were as sharp as razors."

The brunette placed her pillow next to Samuel's.

"In short, the capiroto won't let me sleep, so I'll stay with you." She laid down, ignoring the heat on her cheeks "I'll stay on the edge, don't worry. It'll have plenty of room for you."

The woman settled into the bed, making Samuel sigh. He gave a small smile, lying down in the corner.

And just like that, they slept like babies.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The next day (or the same, only later), Melina was lying on the boys' couch, cell phone in hand.

"I found it!" Exclaimed the woman, sitting up "Finally!"

Ned, who was on the floor, jumped and almost dropped his notebook.

Samuel left the kitchen, followed by Anakin, and sat down next to the woman. Ned settled himself on her other side, placing his notebook on the coffee table.

"What is it?"

The brunette turned the cell phone screen to her friends, showing a photo. A family of four. A couple in their forties, already with white hair; a man no older than 20 years old and a little girl, both with black hair.

Pointing to the man, the couple's eldest son, she widened her eyes.

"He was the one I saw."

Ned arched an eyebrow.

"Not like that, of course. He was pale and golden-eyed, but it's definitely him."

Samuel nodded, watching the photograph.

"They're the original owners of the house, aren't they? The ones who were murdered?"

"Yes," Melina replied "But now I know how they were murdered."

Turning off the screen of her phone, she began to speak.

"The parents had their throats sliced open, and their blood served to make some symbols on the wall." Swallowing, she continued. "The girl was drowned in the bathtub and then her wrists were cut open. The eldest son bathed in the bloody water and then sliced his own throat."

The brunette leaned her head on Ned's shoulder.

"They found pig guts in the basement, along with candles and a pentagram. It was a satanic ritual."

Ned glanced at Melina, looking at Samuel soon after. The brunet shrugged, but nodded shortly after.

"That explains the things that happen" But why didn't anyone see this thing and did you see it?"

The woman smiled, messing with the hem of her shirt.

"Maybe because I see demons."

Seeing the shocked glances from her friends, she sighed.

"Why didn't you tell us?! " Ned exclaimed, raising his hands "Really?"

"Hi, my name is Melina, but you can call me Mel. My favorite color is blue, and sometimes I see demons." The brunette sent a bitchface to her friend." It's not something I mention on a daily basis, Ned. If you have a demon chasing you or something, I'll let you know. But other than that..."

"Since when do you see?"

Samuel's voice interrupted the discussion, making the students focus on him.

"Since I was 15."

"You've seen demons for four years and never told us anything?"

"Ned, enough!" Samuel exclaimed, making his friend's eyes widen. "Really. If she didn't say it, it was because she really didn't need to."

The brunet stood up.

"The important thing is she told us what she saw, and-" He sighed "The thing knows she saw. And she walked into the house, which means something is going to happen."

"Something bad." Ned murmured.

"You came in, too." The woman said "I'm glad I entered first."

Ned frowned.

"Are you really thinking about who came in first? You two are in the sights of that thing."

"But I'm first." She smiled triumphantly "It'll come after me first. And while the others had no idea what was happening, I will see exactly where it is."

Samuel sat up, sighing.

"Of all people, why us?" He closed his eyes. "I need to sleep."

"Speaking of sleep." Melina looked at the pug "You need to get another dog. Anakin kept sleeping when I came in here."

Ned smiled, grabbing his notebook and opening it, showing his wallpaper to his friends.

Their cheeks flushed at the sight of the photo.

Melina, disheveled, hugged Samuel's neck, while he had an arm around her waist and his face hidden in her neck.

"NED!"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"They all suffered accidents three days after they entered the house."

Melina finally felt the gravity of the situation as she heard Samuel. After changing the wallpaper of Ned's notebook and erasing the photo, his friends returned to the topic.

"Why always the number 3?" Ned frowned. "What's so special?"

"It's the demons' way of being petty." The brunette sighed. "They mock the Holy Trinity."

The man nodded, his eyes widening shortly after.

"Isn't that tomorrow?"

"No, no." Melina did the math, looking at Anakin "Tomorrow will be the second day. The third will be Monday."

Closing her eyes, the woman placed her hands on her head and pulled at her hair lightly.

"Shit, I have Anatomy class. I can end up with a scalpel in my throat or a needle in an artery, get ran over in the street, slip into the bathroom while I bathe and die naked, I'm going to die a virgin, oh my God..."

Anakin jumped on the brunette's lap, licking her face and stealing a giggle from her. Ned lightly tapped the top of the woman's head as Samuel wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"No, you won't."

Ned and Samuel looked at each other, nodding.

"We'll stay with you in our dorm. Nobody leaves, we stay away from dangerous things." Samuel widened his eyes "Not to mention you'll see him when something happens."

"And we still have tomorrow." Ned added "Let's look for a priest or something, alright?"

Melina nodded, resting her head on Samuel's shoulder and smiling.

"Thanks, guys. Oh, yeah" She yawned. "I think I'll go take a nap."

Releasing their friend, the men saw her go to the bedroom.

"That must be awful." Ned said, leaning his head against Samuel's shoulder (It was surprisingly comfortable.) "By the way, I have the photo on three more devices and seven different accounts."

Samuel's incredulous expression made Ned laugh.

"Oh, noobs."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

It was dark.

Darker than the living room of the house that night, or any other place Melina has been.

The brunette looked around, trying to see something; unsuccessfully.

A scream echoed near where she was. (On the other side, it seemed) and light suddenly invaded the woman's vision field, making Melina close her eyes.

She was in a child's room, a boy, apparently, surrounded by wooden cars and antique furniture. A bed lay to her right, with a desk between it and the wall. In front of her was one of those built-in closets (which were never found in any house in Brazil except the apartment her grandfather owned, almost as old as her own mother) with one of the doors wide open.

A grunt drew her attention to the open door. Her eyes widened at the sight of two standing figures: the first owner of the abandoned house (the father, that was murdered) and a boy of no more than eight years old - who looked a lot like the young man that murdered his family.

"I told you not to play with those kids." A slap was thrown against the boy's head. "They're bad people, understand? Punks!"

Now watching the boy, Melina's eyes widened. His face was full of scratches, some of them bleeding; his arms contained purple and green bruises and his left eye was purple.

He was the one who had shouted before.

"But dad..."

"SHUT UP!" The man threw the boy into the room by the arm, making him slide on the wooden floor "I don't want to see you with black people!"

The father slammed the door behind him, enveloping Melina and the boy in darkness once more.

Listening to a whimper, her eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly and the brunette approached the boy, crouching.

As she reached out to touch his arm, he sat up.

"Elliot, you're such an idiot..." The brunet hit his own forehead. "Idiot, idiot."

No.

Elliot looked at the closet, blinking slowly.

He's the idiot.

The hoarse voice echoed through the room, making Melina feel a shiver run down her spine.

"Yes, he is."

The boy got up without looking up from the closet.

It's not your fault, Elliot.

Something rolled off the closet, stopping at Elliot's feet. The boy stared at the dark green figure - a plastic soldier - looking back at the closet.

You want him to stop being an idiot, don't you?

He nodded.

Come on, pick it up. I'm going to make you be as strong as a real soldier.

Melina's eyes widened as she saw a shadow move inside the wardrobe - something darker than darkness itself.

Elliot smiled, bending down to pick up the soldier.

"No!"

The boy picked up the figurine and Melina saw something written on the plastic base. Elliot went to his bed, sitting on it and leaning his back against the wall.

The shadow came out of the closet in a flash, stopping right in front of Elliot. His wide eyes were the last thing Melina saw before the demon possessed his body and smirked at her.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

A scream made Ned and Samuel stop talking. Anakin ran toward the noise, followed by the men.

They found Melina sitting on the bed, sweat accumulated on her neck and her back and angry red marks on her shoulder.

Finger marks.

Ned widened his eyes, throwing himself beside the brunette and taking her arm. He pulled her close, looking at the marks. He glared at Samuel.

"Son of a bitch!" Melina yelled, scaring her friends. "It tried to kill me!"

And then it became clear to Samuel: the scream wasn't fear, it was anger.

Seeing Ned's curious look, the woman leaned against the wall and began to tell them her dream.

"...And the boy, no, the possessed boy jumped on me and pinned my shoulder to the ground. His hand began to burn my skin and he picked up the figurine, ready to pierce my neck with a fucking plastic soldier." She let go of the duvet, arranging the disheveled curls of her hair. "And I woke up."

Getting up from the bed, the brunette walked to the bedroom door.

"But look on the bright side! Now I know exactly what to exorcise."

"You what?!"

The pair followed Melina into the living room, where she picked up her cell phone and keys, putting them in the front pocket of her jeans.

"An exorcism." She lifted a hand as soon as Ned opened his mouth, shutting him up "I'm going to a store to buy salt and alcohol. I need you to contact a priest or a church. Can you do that?"

Samuel opened his mouth, being silenced by the woman's index finger.

"I have to do this today. Every person who goes in there leaves this thing stronger." She smiled slightly. "I do the exorcism and burn the house at dawn, so no one can stop the fire, but an exorcist needs to be warned if it doesn't work."

Ned nodded reluctantly.

"I'll call someone right away."

Melina glanced at the clock on the living room wall - 7:42 pm - and her eyes widened.

"I slept for four hours?"

"Yes. " Samuel said, making the brunette's attention turn to him. "I'll go with you.

The woman nodded.

"To the house, too."

As soon as she opened her mouth to protest, the brunet put his index finger to her lips.

"You didn't let me in there alone." He frowned "I won't let you go."

Melina sighed, nodding. She looked at Ned for the last time, smiling.

"I'll see you in front of the house at 2am."

Samuel nodded to his friend, walking out with the brunette and closing the door behind him.

Ned picked up his cell phone quickly, dialing the local church number.

"Hello? Yes, I need the number of an exorcist..."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Exactly at two in the morning, the trio stood in front of the abandoned house.

Melina and Samuel left their cell phones with Ned, stuffing their pockets with salt. In each of their hoodie's pockets was a box of matchsticks and a small bottle of alcohol.

Ned handed a large bottle of gasoline to Samuel, that thanked him.

"Let's review the plan." Melina said, looking at the boys "Ned?"

"If none of you come back in half an hour, I'll call the priest, the police, and the fire department."

"Hm." The brunette nodded. "Samuel?"

"Walk to Elliot's bedroom on the second floor, find the toy soldier, do the exorcism, and burn the house only to confirm that the demon won't come back." He squeezed the gas bottle. "If for some reason we split up, I'll set the house on fire right away."

Melina nodded, smiling.

"If you call anyone, except the priest, remember the backstory."

Ned nodded, watching his friends enter the house and asking the heavens for everything to work out.

With his cell phone in hand, he started the timer.

00:00:01

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Samuel closed the door behind him, taking hold of Melina's hand. The woman insisted on going in first again ("Just in case it's waiting for me in the living room").

The room was as dark as the last time. The only difference was the obvious tension that hung in the air.

The brunet threw gas on the couches, just as Melina had instructed. They advanced into the hallway, toward the stairs, throwing gasoline on the curtains and walls.

Melina stopped as soon as they reached the foot of the stairs, looking upstairs.

"Do you see anything?" Samuel frowned. "The demon?"

"No." The woman shook her head, sighing as she stepped on the first step. "It's just... It's there, I can feel it. I just don't see it."

The man squeezed her hand lightly, making her smile.

"Let's go. We need to get back in half an hour."

The pair went up the stairs, stopping in the middle of a corridor. To his right were two open doors: a bathroom and a couple's bedroom (judging by the huge, dusty bed).

To his left were two more doors: both open, but one with a pink bow hanging while the other contained a blue boat.

"Samuel... how many children did the last inhabitants of the house have?"

"Two, a boy and a girl." He let go of the brunette's hand to throw gas on the double bed. "Why?"

"For fucks sake... Which one is Elliot's old room? The children may have found the soldier and stored it elsewhere..."

The woman approached the girl's bedroom, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe.

Her eyes scanned the room, stopping in the built-in closet with one of the doors wide open.

Samuel stopped behind Melina, staring at the room.

Her eyes widened and she took a step forward, feeling something strange - that she felt every time she dreamed of demons - an inexplicable sensation.

The sound of something flying and knocking on the corridor wall made her turn her head quickly, panicking as Samuel stood up with difficulty.

His scream was interrupted by the door closing tightly in front of him, separating them.

"Shit!" She ran to the door, slamming her fist on it "Samuel, go!"

"No!" He hit the other side "I won't leave you here!"

"You promised me." She sighed. "Please do as we agreed. I'll deal with the demon and end it now."

The other door of the closet opened slowly, making Melina's eyes widen.

"Samuel, I promise as soon as this is over, we're going out to eat pizza and eat four ice cream tins while we watch a Transformers marathon." The brunette turned her back to the door, looking through the dark room "Please, do what you need and find Ned."

She heard the brunet curse, knocking on the door one last time.

"You'll pay for the pizza."

She smiled.

"Of course I will."

Footsteps echoed down the corridor, disappearing down the stairs and leaving Melina in horrible silence.

"So, dude." Her eyes adjusted to the darkness, staring at the open closet "Are you going to show yourself now, or are you going to pull a Poltergeist?"

A shadow ran down the corner of her eyes, making her kneel on the ground. Touching the wood, she found pieces of dolls, along with a lot of dust.

"Oh, my fucking rhinitis." Her eyes began to water. "Come on."

Walking awkwardly on her knees, she found a loose piece of wood.

As she lifted the thing, two dark legs appeared in her field of vision.

Lifting her head, her eyes widened for the fortieth time that night.

It was clear that an older Elliot was in front of him. An older, dead Elliot.

"Sweet Lord, help me."

She reached into the hole in the floor, hooking her fingers on a plastic object. She held the soldier firmly on her left hand as she placed the right one in her pocket.

Elliot smiled, holding out a pale hand and placing it on the brunette's shoulder, pulling the hoodie away from her skin and exposing the reddish skin. His grin widened at the sight of the mark on his hand, tightening his grip on the spot.

When he looked at Melina, she smiled too.

Her right hand came out of her pocket, finding the demon's.

The scream she heard was satisfying, just like the smoke coming out of the demon's hand.

Taking advantage of the shock of Elliot, she drowned the plastic soldier in alcohol and lit a match, engulfing it in flames.

But not before noticing the scrawled name at the foot of the toy.

"Abu!"

The demon sent a deadly look to the brunette.

"Your name gives me dominion over you!" She stood up, standing face to face with the creature "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, I condemn you back to hell!"

Another scream echoed through the room, and Melina flew against the wall.

Disheveled, she saw the bedroom door open and smiled.

The demon disappeared.

Still dizzy, the brunette got up and left the room, seeing flames all over the place. Holding her breath, she descended the stairs as fast as she could. She smiled upon seeing a way to pass between the sofas, throwing her bottle of alcohol on one of them.

As soon as she left the house, she was engulfed in a double hug.

"Why did you stay there alone?" Ned screamed into her ear, making the brunette close her eyes "You're crazy!"

"It was the deal, idiot."

She smiled, furrowing her brows as she saw red and blue lights at the front of the street.

"Did I take more than half an hour?"

Releasing Melina, the friends looked at each other.

"No," Samuel mumbled "I called the fire department and the police as soon as I left the house."

The woman laughed lightly, cleaning her cheek from the ashes.

"We have a lot to explain." Ned said "The same story we combined?"

"We heard rumors, challenged Mel to go in there, and we saw unrecognizable people set fire to the house." Samuel smiled. "Let's do this fast, okay? I have a Transformers marathon later and pizza to eat."

 Melina smiled, watching the cops approach. She gave a quick kiss on Samuel's and Ned's cheeks, feeling her own cheeks burn.

"What the fuck happened here?!" One of the policemen exclaimed, looking at the students. "Which one of you called?"

"I did," Samuel said, blushing slightly. "So... we heard some rumors about..."

FIN

Capiroto - A kinda funny way to say ‘devil’ bc people here believe that it’s not good to say ‘devil’.

what even is darker than darkness omg

That’s all, folks.

PLEASE, DO NOT PERFORM AN EXORCISM IF YOU’RE NOT SOMEONE SPECIALIZED IN THAT. LEAVE IT FOR THE PRIESTS. OR SHAMANS. OR PASTORS.

Once again, I hope you enjoyed it!

And thank you for reading <3

People that might want to read: @high-on-food and @brennahrae and @moonhyook <3

[totallyamelia]

To my Tumblr family

@channel @david

To my Tumblr family,

I think I’m finally done crying enough to actually write something. I didn’t cry when Murphy told me I was being let go because I was upset to lose a job. I cried because I felt as though I was being ripped away from my family.

Crap, I’m crying again. That really didn’t take long! Gosh, I really hate crying in airports. It must be something about trips to Duluth because this now makes it two for two! I guess I’m not as dead inside as I pretend to be.

I’m crying because y’all are so great and I cherished every day I got to spend with you. The last (nearly) three years have been some of the best of my life. I got to wake up each morning and go to a place I loved and be around people who genuinely brought me joy. Even on the worst days, there were always smiles to be had. And on top of that, I got to work on an amazing product that I truly believe in and has done so much for its users. I got to make something people wanted to use. I got to make something special.

I’ve always referred to Tumblr as home and the people as my family. What that meant to me is something that’s hard to put into words, but I want to try.

HQ was a place that was safe for me in a world that still really does not want people like me to exist. Even New York City isn’t a safe place for trans people, but Tumblr was. Tumblr was a place where I got to truly be myself, unapologetically. I got to just exist. I got to let my guard down, something I very rarely do.

Tumblr was a place where I found my voice, grew, and discovered who I am. When I joined Tumblr in 2014, I was only nine months into living as an openly trans woman. I had been struggling to really find comfort and confidence while existing in the world. I didn’t know my voice. Mostly, I was just angry at the world. But Tumblr gave me a place to work that out and learn what my voice was and how to use it. Tumblr helped me grow as both a human and an engineer and it gave me the confidence to be me.

That’s the Tumblr I will miss because it wasn’t a job to me, it was a home and family that also happened to give me a paycheck. Over the last three years, Tumblr introduced me to some of the best humans I’ve ever met in my life. People who are kind and caring. Supportive and encouraging. Smart yet not full of themselves.

Thinking about my time at Tumblr, I don’t know what else I could ask for. On top of all of these things, I got to work at a place where I felt like I made an impact for the better. I got to work somewhere I could speak up and fight for what I believe in. I could fight for equality, diversity, and my coworkers. I could fight for our users. Sometimes, that even meant yelling at David in front of the whole company at All Team or speaking up during Prod Reviews with a personal but relevant anecdote about the importance of our decisions. I wasn’t always right and it didn’t always change things, but I got to be in a place where I could speak up and fight those fights.

I got to, somehow, lead Tumblr’s femgineers and organize our monthly lunches. It was never lost on me that I was a trans woman leading a group of women and not once did anyone ever make me feel like I didn’t belong in the group or as its organizer. When I get bummed or jaded about this increasingly bonkers world we live in, it’s all of you that give me hope for the future. Seeing the fucking amazing work that some of you are doing while still in your early 20s and only relatively recently out of college gives me so much optimism for what you’ll achieve and the mark you’ll leave on this world. I’m literally crying again just thinking about it. My voice could never do you all justice, but I hope it helped.

I know this is already long, but I have so many memories rushing into my mind right now. I’m hesitant to start naming them because I know for every one of them, there will be dozens I’m neglecting to mention. It’s hard to list everything when literally every day of the last three years was memorable.

But to just name a few…

There was my first Tumblr Halloween party where Steck drunkenly told me about the discussions they had about me after my interview. He kept saying he wasn’t supposed to tell me, but over the years, I think he told me a dozen times. Almost every time he was drunk. I, of course, knew better than to trust him. Mohonk! I mean, what else do I need to say? Pellcar on the way to Monhonk! Dying tonight on the boat cruise. All the femgineer lunches. Flying to WWDC in Mint chocolate lass. Two Grace Hoppers, the first of which was one of the most affirming weeks of my life. Shitposting and coalescing in #new_york. Caragh’s completely insane stories and my DMing her with the weirdest fucking shit a coworker has ever said to another. Gatorade Gala and Chainschella. The Kenny themed party! grund. Sleeping in conference rooms after mind blowing hack days. Holiday parties followed by Sward bringing everyone McCoulton’s the next morning. The goddamn lizard election! The 9west temperature wars and 9east clapping. Constant sandwich arguments in #holy_war. Brian Michel dressing up as a reblog on Halloween. Friday coffee with the old Ads Team crew. Coming in the day after the election and having Ken hug and comfort me as I cried in the freight elevator. All the comforting we did for each other after the election. Ethan DMing me “food” right before lunch every day. Movies We Love. The aesthetic channels. Sam constantly asking me if I was happy and giving me heartfelt hugs on a near-daily basis. Finding sisterhood for the first time in #heyladies. Robbie’s hack day projects. Taking selfies of myself to approve every single PR. All the GIFs. The bad puns with Keith, Cherokee, and Josh. The security capture the flags. Daily cat photos in #KittyTime. Turning around at my desk to see Lucy Lawless in the elevator. For better or for worse, Prima Punisher. Flying with my Falcons. The dozens of you who helped my former startup’s Kickstarter be a success. Snowboarding trips to Killington and Montana. Trolling Joey with Slack bots. Bonusly points from Graham for every lol chain. 🍆🕳.

I could honestly go on and on with memories all day, there are enough to fill an entire blog and they’re coming faster than I can type them. I wish I could mention everyone here, but if I didn’t mention you by name, please know that you had an impact on me and were a part of this family. If our time at Tumblr overlapped, you were (are!) important to me and made my life better.

Looking forward, I will be fine. Don’t worry about me. Instead of worrying, use that energy to keep Tumblr great. That is my ask to my family, keep Tumblr fucking weird af. And SPEAK UP. You work in a place where you can use your voice. Do it! Fight for Tumblr users. Fight for each other.

And worst case scenario, Chris already has the git branch to delete Tumblr.

I want to thank everyone who came to Madison Square Park yesterday while I sat crying on bench. I really don’t cry very often and I have a thing about letting people see me cry, but just seeing all of you and how much you cared helped me so much. I also want to thank everyone who reached out to me via text, Twitter, Facebook, and other Slack orgs. And especially to Michelle (happy birthday!!!) and Shah whose messages about the impact I’ve had made me start crying all over again. Okay, Amelia, get it together.

I hope to keep in contact with all of you. I hope you’ll reach out to me on Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, text, other Slack orgs, and wherever else. Let’s hang, get lunch, eat dinner, grab drinks, play volleyball, and just plain be weird. I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people, but I want that to change. Please don’t hesitate to contact me anyway you know how because, and I know I keep saying this, I love you all.

Finally, thank you to Amanda Brennan for bringing me to Tumblr and making the last three years possible. Thank you to Brian and Sherry for allowing me to have a heads up the the night before so I could process and react with dignity without being blindsided or reactionary. And thank you to David for building something so wonderful.

I love you all so so so much, Amelia

[sambashua]

92 questions/random questions/8 things tag~

hello friends !!! i’ve done the first two tags before but it’s been quite a while so ?? let’s see if i can come up w new responses i guess?? also these all have similar-ish questions so i thought i’d combine them so i don’t clog up everyone’s dashes~

tagged by (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ(ilya so dang much my favorite muffins)

92 questions: mariel! @jaehyunscult kelby! @yooncheoly and claudia! @s-lay-ing 

random questions: kolbo! @yooncheoly ommo! @strawberryboo​ and cloodoo! @s-lay-ing 

eight things: em! @seoulscapes mj! @jungnoir and kat! @atshinee

i’m going to tag @everyonesabiaswrecker @hoshi-ssi @king-hao @moonhyook @taeismyking @honestlay @yoonsunha @amessence @kylamassie1 @peachesandkili and also the beans who tagged me above!! you can do one of the ones you didn’t tag me in hehe(≧◡≦)

you guys can choose whichever tags you want!! or all of them ? idk it’s basically either long, easy or creative so whatever you feel like doing… or do none of them!! that works too! if you don’t want to be tagged just let me knowwww also you rlly don’t have to read this whole thing it is so damn long… but w/o further ado…

92 questions

the last…

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my grandma !

3. text message: “THEBOP OF THE SUMMER” (sic)

4. song you listened to: ‘love paint (every afternoon)’ by NU’EST started playing before i got out of the car last night… WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED I WATCHED MX’S NEWTON THIS MORNING OH MY GOD THE BOP OF THE SUMMER THAT’S WHAT THE TEXT WAS ABT BTW

5. time you cried: hmmmm not monsta x surprisingly ? but we have some rlly spicy food in LA and @everyonesabiaswrecker @taeismyking and i had to hide our eyes from the waiter lol

have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nooo (as i said last time i’ve never dated so these are all no’s so you can skip around a bit i suppose)

7. been cheated on: nooo

8. kissed someone and regretted it: nooo

9. lost someone special: yea

10. been depressed: nope

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: drinking makes ya do bad stuff kids

list three favorite colors (12-15)…

grey, light blue nd light green !

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yeAH SO MANY! irl and online i’m so thankful for everyone i’ve met~~ since i started uni i was rlly nervous abt meeting people and although i have one (1) new friend irl (shoutout to my main main main kat @atshinee literally where would i be w/o you i probably woulda gotten stuck at camp bc of the hail storm) i’ve met countless lovely individuals online that i am forever grateful for;;; now i’m being all sappy someoNE STOP ME

16. fallen out of love: nooo

17. laughed until you cried: almost everyday~~

18. found out someone was talking about you: oh yea

19. met someone who changed you: YES

20. found out who your true friends are: yeah!

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: nooooooooooooooope

general stuff

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: idk like probably actually 80% but they’re not people i talk to now ? (kat still yells at me abt my answer last time)

23. do you have any pets: I GOT TWO CATS TOM TOM AND MYSTERY THEY ARE ADORABLE BEANS ND I LIKE TO BRAG ABT THEM SO ASK ME FOR PICS

24. do you want to change your name: i like my name a lot tbh (there’s so many endless nickname possibilities honestly)

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i got gelato w two of my closest frandssss and also listened to nct dream like the whole day it was the best

26. what time did you wake up: um m m i think 9? yesterday i went to bed at 3:30 and woke up at 7:30 so i slept in more today lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: trying to read a soonhoon fic from eep and messaging ivy:D

28. name something you cannot wait for: uM IDK EVERYTHING I WAS WAITING FOR ALREADY HAPPENED i guess just moving back to school and starting classes??? i’m so anxious ugh

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: 4 ? hours ago ?

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: um idk i think i’m pretty blessed to be completely honest

31. what are you listening to right now: there’s construction going on in the distance idk what they’re doing but it is LOUD

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i’m so shook people haven’t talked to any toms i’ve met so many i don’t undeRSTAND

33. something that is getting on your nerves: ignorance *finger guns*

34. most visited website: tumblr (i haven’t been on youtube much lately cry)

35. elementary school: yeahhh

36. high school: yeahhh

37. college: yeahhh

38. hair color: blonde 

39. long or short hair: it’s so long rn i’m constantly choking on it

40. do you have a crush on someone: crushes are for noobs

41. what do you like about yourself: “everything, love yourself.” -kat

42. piercings: ears but i never wear them

43. blood type: idk my parents are both AB so my mom says we’re that too but mom that’s not how genetics work

44. nickname: i have so many but my most common one is mir~ i answer to anything tho

45. relationship status: engaged to jeon wonwoo

46. zodiac sign: cancer~

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: game of thrones or below deck (watch it it’s a reality show abt a yacht crew it’s so entertaining) 

49. tattoos: nope i’m too indecisive

50. righty or lefty: right

first…

51. surgery: i had surgery junior year of high school

52. piercing: did they not already ask this oh jk this is first well i still only have ears

53. best friend: in the womb bitchhh (-8 months would be the official age)

54. sport: i think karate ? my dad is super sporty tho so sister and i tried every sport known to man

55. vacation: probably washington bc i have a lot of family there

56. pair of sneakers: literally who knows this tho

right now…

57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: now i’m drinking tea

59. i’m about to: eat a bagel maybe

60. listening to: good luck by aoa (yessss my girls)

61. waiting for: jordyn to get off work so i can see her new dorm:D

62. do you want kids: i always have

63. do you want to get married: i don’t really know marriage seems so outdated…

64: what career do you want: journalist (yay)

which is better…

65. hugs or kisses: hugs!

66. lips or eyes: eyes!

67. shorter or taller: i don’t have much preference but i’m tall and i like being tall

68. older or younger: i don’t really care bc some older people are really immature and some younger people are really mature so~

70. nice arms or nice stomach: i really really don’t care

71. sensitive or loud: these honestly aren’t even antonyms

72. hook up or relationship: relationship

73. troublemaker or hesitant: i’ve never been a troublemaker so ?

have you ever…

74. kissed a stranger: nooo

75. drank hard liquor: neh ?

76. lost glasses/lenses: i have above average vision boiiiii

77. turned someone down: i mean;;;; i think most people have at least indirectly

78. had sex on the first date: nooo

79. broken someone’s heart: i really doubt it lol

80. had your heart broken: jeon wonwoo breaks my heart daily

81. been arrested: nooo

82. cried when someone died: yeahh

83. fallen for a friend: no

do you believe in…

84. yourself: YEAH I GOT THIS! YOU GOT THIS! WE ALL GOT THIS!

85. miracles: maybe ?

86. love at first sight: not even a little bit

87. santa claus:

LOOK AT SOONYOUNG I’M LAUGHING

88. kiss on the first date: i mean i don’t see why not

89. angels: maybe ?

other…

90. current best friends name: sister n em n kat n cass n jords n val :3

91. eye color: grey ish

92. favorite movie: the proposal was my favorite movie for so long;;; i liked moonlight a lot too go see it

random questions

dude i fucking forgot abt this one i thought i was done fuck (why is this font so tiny)

relationship status: single for 19 years bishhhhhhhh favorite color: grey!! but i’ve been feelin orange lately hmmmm lipstick or chapstick: i like tinted lip balm:) but i even use vaseline sometimes try it okay it makes yo lips so soft last song you listened to: well i already said so i’ll do what’s stuck in my head rn: coffee by bts (it’s so good i get such calming vibes from it) last movie you watched: BABY DRIVER it was so ffffff good 100/10 would rec~ the car chases were so cool dude also ansel elgort is such a cutie top 3 characters: i’ll as april ludgate from parks n rec (are you happy jords), celaena from throne of glass, ndddd risa koizumi from lovcom:) top 3 ships: jejun ! soonwoo ! MARKHYUCK(ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ books you are currently reading: rnnnn i’m STILL reading heir of fire (don’t worry cass i will finish it in time) top 5 musicals: mulan is endlessly iconic okay, hsm, phantom of the opera, the sound of music nd mama mia !

eight things

last movie watched: baby driver hoo hoo last song listened to: me gustas tu bitchhhhh last book read: Crown of Midnight still oops sorry cass i’m so damn slow these days  last thing eaten: fig newtons (buy newton by monsta x on itunes) if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be: wherever @atshinee​ is because i want to support her for her test but i know i would probably just distract her:(((((( a fictional character you would hang out with for the day: probably dorian from throne of glass bc he just seems like such a lovable dork i want to give him a big ole hug he needs it  what fictional world/universe would you want to spend a week in: i used to be obsessed w the series Gregor the Overlander as a kid and i’d really want to spend a day there that would be so awesome esp the one where they travel through the one rainforest jungle… but also Harry Potter bc i rlly want to go to hogwarts and just;;; look around? it’s so pretty and i want to see all the paintings and staircases and the people it’d be great last video game played: i’ve never rlly played video games… i used to play the sims does that count rip

well it’s finally frickin done i doubt anyone bared w me for this trainwreck…….. i’m so tired now will i even do more of these today jk i gotta i am so behind but no selfie tags i look trash