#made specifically for teens
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I need them to make more shows for teens, specifically animated shows, because I'm 19 and don't have an interest in like 80% of adult shows but I also feel like if I spend anymore time consuming a lot of media made for kids under 13 my brain is gonna melt and start pouring out of my ears
#a lot of kids shows would be sicked aimed a teen audiences too like imagine if the winx reboot was aimed at teens instead of 5 year olds#or miraculous ladybug#whilst im not specifically wanting teen dramas and not that riverdale was good or anything#but I genuinely believe that the like teen dramas especially long running ones died with riverdale#its like they just dont see teens as like a profitable market or smth despite the fact teens love to obsess over shit#and love spending all their money on whatever they're obsessed with#also I mean teen shows not like serious but still family friendly sorta shows like I want shows especially animated shows#made specifically for teens
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Happy tdov to fat trans people. 🏳️⚧️ Biggest thing that helped me as a trans kid was seeing older fat trans people. There were a lot of really irritating "advice" posts going around early in my time on the internet with a lot of misinformation in them, but one that I constantly saw (in addition to people claiming you should wear your pants rediculously low or only wear button ups) were posts saying you had to lose weight to transition. Can confidently confirm that is completely untrue. 👍
#seal.txt#tdov#that 'sky and mike' image of the two old trans dudes hugging was one that I had saved to my phone as a trans teen#and i would look at it sometimes and just wonder how they had made it#idk its just nice knowing we live that long and its not a requirement to be skinnyin order to be respected and loved and get old#some of the old 'advice' posts i saw were really completely bizarre and a lot of them stick with me to this day in insecurities#this would have been 2016 ish tumblr so i know not that long ago but i would have been around 13 for reference#weird that i remember so many of the things i read back then. i could probably fill a post with things i was misinformed on due to Tumblr#specifically tumblrs run by people that i didnt really have the knowledge or awareness to understand probably didnt have my best interests#like 'trans rights ' blogs i would follow and not notice until much later were quite the opposite#this is the consequence of viewing social media before i knew all the secret codewords and my brain was much less developed than it is now
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this one goes out to all the kids who had their brain chemistry altered by werehog sonic growing up 💪💪💪
#aka me#I HAVE POSTED ABT THAT RIGHT. HOW WEREHOG SONIC CHANGED MY LIFE. HE TRANSED MY GENDER AND MADE ME A FURRY. THE POWER HE HOLDS.#i actually dont think i would really call myself a furry anymore?? like i super was in my pre and early teens but its sorta passed?? and#hasnt rlly come back#i do want to get back into drawing anthros and whatnot but ajgjhj#ok i was gonna jsut title this as “freedom” or smth but no#my art#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#lycion#havent been able to stop thinking abt him. him and fleki specifically. love those two so much.
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maybe it’s just me but I got weird vibes from the “teen slang” bit last night? it felt uncomfortable…Aabria even mentioned how it was all AAVE and “why did y’all wait until I was here to do this�� and they still kept going with the bit…
idk I know she said it in a lighthearted/joking way but I feel like the cast could have taken a hint and like. Stopped
#cr discourse#<- not maintagging bc the fandom is allergic to criticism#idk it just made me uncomf#like. I know the cast was trying to make fun of teen slang not trying to make fun of AAVE#but like aabria said slang is basically all AAVE#so the continued mockery and imitation of it felt weird and ignorant#esp from a bunch of white people#and especially after aabria specifically said hey this is AAVE
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truly the saddest thing about malia is that they had the opportunity to make a significantly more "weird" girl like they should have showed her being a total freak!!! and they didn't!!! she could have shown up to beacon hills high school with 0 fashion sense and unshaved legs and 0 makeup and they could have shown this ON TV and shown that its OKAY to have all of those things and instead she's a pretty teenage girl who's just quirky and failing math
#and dont get me wrong i love her for that too i do like malia even if i dont agree with all of the choices the showrunners made#but we could have had it all (a weird freak of a woman on tv) sigh. and i think it would have made the malia lydia dynamic more interesting#teen wolf#mtv teen wolf#malia tate#malia hale#this isnt hate or anything to be clear i like malia and shelley henning is soooooo pretty#lmk if u want a specific tag or anything on it :]
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JEONGNYEON: THE STAR IS BORN / 정년이 dir. Jung Ji-in, 2024 Episode Three
#tvedit#jeongnyeonedit#kdramaedit#perioddramaedit#jeong nyeon#jeongnyeon: the star is born#jung ji-in#made by carolyn#every time moon ok-gyeong shows up i'm like#of course all of the local teen girlies are in love with her#probably the best cast character on the show#jung eun-chae's energy is So Specific in this#...have not started pachinko season two yet and now i think i'll wait til after this show ends
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matthias if he slayed
#river dipping#matthias evanoff#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#ts4 cas#sims 4#the sims 4#simblr#‘matthias if he slayed’ more like matthias if he had access to tiktok as a teenager#he wants to be pulled around by that chain so bad…….. anyway. :)#took these yesterday night while playing dress up with matthias and making an alt. version of the cas preset that works better w his skin#so i decided to share them :3c you’re all gonna get so tired of me posting them all the time now that i have a preset i love this much#plus i’ve been enjoying editing while watching tv with my sister#……ykw edit i actually need to get to working on tho? the original one for theo’s birthday 🧍#i updated his teen sim and built this whole set and made!!! this preset!!! specifically for it but the pose i made is what’s tripping me up#i just can’t get the emotion i’m trying to get out of it… deep sigh.#but anyway. here’s matthias <3#going to hit the inbox 🏃
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Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion in Fandom Community Spaces
One of my fandom servers recently imploded. I didn’t just want to post my immediate reactions and spend the next 3-5 business years litigating my feelings, so I took a few months to deconstruct what happened. Now I’m reconstructing everything into a case study on white supremacy culture in progressive spaces.
Below the poll, I’ve spelled out 17 traits of white supremacy culture, as they appear in progressive spaces, organized into four categories. I relied predominantly on the works of Tema Okun and Robin DiAngelo, whose works and websites expand upon everything I talk about.
I don’t want anyone to beat each other (or themselves) up if they’ve noticed these traits. Just fix it.
My goals with this guide:
Fans can put names to their observations.
Mods/Leaders of fandom spaces ask themselves, “how many of these have I done?”
Everyone gets an idea for what can be done about these traits.
Each listed trait has:
Definition of the trait
Common or fandom-specific examples
Suggestions to begin fixing it
Additional Commentary specific to this particular server incident
That makes this post very long, but it should be easy to skip over sections.
(If you are thinking of sending someone this post because they expressed a lot of these traits, first take a moment and identify how many of these traits you have practiced.
If someone sent you this post as an accusation, show them the above paragraph and ask what traits they recognize in their own behavior. If they say "none," ignore that person. I have will not facilitate the use of anti-racism as a smokescreen for bullying.)
I wasn't able to put this poll at the bottom of the post. I encourage you to wait until you get to the end and then answer the poll.
Because Tumblr polls expire in a week, I also encourage you to answer the same poll here on StrawPoll.
White Supremacy Culture Traits
Context (Basic Outline of What Happened)
In late Oct. 2023, someone on this server made an insensitive joke regarding Native American spirituality. They were quickly corrected by another member, and a third, indigenous member defended the gravity of their culture.
In DMs, a server mod (without the knowledge of the rest of the mod team) rebuked that indigenous server member for mini-modding, but claimed they would also moderate the person who made the joke in the first place; that person who made the joke was this mod’s friend.
This Inciting Incident Mod never did moderate their friend. When this came to light for the rest of the mod team in early Dec. 2023, the Inciting Incident Mod left before they could be ‘fired.’ Meanwhile, the Server Owner tried to cover up the preceding mess when announcing this mod’s departure.
The Indigenous Server Member used @everyone to explain to the server what had happened, dropped screenshots, and left the server.
When the community at large, including other mods, demanded more accountability and action from the mod team and the admins, the Server Owner doubled down on their defensiveness and denials for the next month.
Behind the scenes/in mod chats, the rest of the mods tried to advocate for the same things that the community was demanding. Most of their suggestions were shot down and input disregarded (primarily by the Server Owner).
Ultimately, all the mods were “let go” (fired), leaving only two admins. The second Admin largely followed the lead of the Server Owner, who was the one posting most of the announcements and engaging in the discourse.
The Admins unilaterally froze the server mid-conversations in late Jan. 2024.
They deleted the server on March 4th, 2024.
I. White Fragility
White fragility is the various phenomena by which white fans’ distress at discussions of racism take precedence over the actual occurrences of racism. This is not a conscious tactic, but the result of the layers of insulation from irl racism that white people are conditioned with, combined with white culture and experience being so pervasive as to become invisible.
1: Right To Comfort
Believing that white fans’ requirement for comfort in fandom spaces is more important than the on-going discomfort fans of color experience in the same spaces.
Examples:
Prioritizing the emotional and psychological comfort of some fans over the on-going experiences of other fans.
Scapegoating those who named the racism in the community and accusing them of ‘rocking the boat.’
These might sound familiar:
"This is just supposed to be a fun hobby."
"Can we get back to the good vibes?"
"Why can't we all just get along?"
“Hobbies/Fun shouldn’t be this much work.”
Treating any and all discussion of racism as acts of antagonism.
Fixes:
Learn to sit with discomfort before responding or (re)acting, especially if faced with an accusation. It’s an opportunity for growth, not an opening for attack.
Avoid taking criticisms personally, and avoid treating feedback as accusations. Yes, some accusations and call-outs are personal, but most are not. Even the ones that are personal need not be treated as final value judgments nor the end of the world.
Additional Commentary:
The white fan who’d made the insensitive joke in the first place did not lash out at being corrected. The discomfort was predominantly from some white mods who interpreted all mentions of racism as a conflict.
This trait is frequently found the trait called ‘Urgency.’
2: Defensiveness
Reacting to criticisms as if they were personal attacks, prioritizing comfort over growth, and using hurt feelings to derail discussions.
As author @xiranjayzhao put it in their video discussing a similar incident in the publishing industry, “If you are more concerned at being called racist than racism itself, that is an active hindrance to dismantling racism.”
Examples:
Treating criticism as threatening, inappropriate, or rude.
Focusing on making sure one’s own feelings or the feelings of community leaders are not getting hurt. This process often takes up more time and energy than addressing the actual problems do.
Spend energy defending against charges of racism instead of examining how racism might actually be happening.
White fans targeted by other oppressions (I.e. sexism, homophobia, etc.) express resentment because they feel that the naming of racism is erasing their experiences of marginalization from their other identities. This is especially prevalent in fandom as our communities are dominated by women and queer people.
Fixes:
Identify and understand the link between defensiveness and fear. When you recognize your own defensiveness, ask yourself what you are defending, and what you feel that you are defending against.
Develop culture of naming defensiveness when it arises.
Be honest with yourself and with the community about the power dynamics in the situation and respond thoughtfully. The person with greater power has the greater responsibility to name and move through their own defensiveness.
This is most important for small, online community leaders (I.e. Discord server mods). However little power we feel like we have, we still have more power than all the other members.
Additional Commentary:
Defensiveness was ultimately the biggest problem in this particular server’s implosion, and continues to be the most prevalent problem I observe in many other communities. The majority of the problems in these communities came not from actual acts of racism or patterns of insensitivity, but a few white fans’ defensiveness when these were named.
3: Fear of Open Conflict
When discomfort with talking about racism begets outright avoidance. This becomes “toxic positivity,” creating a pattern of suppressing any and all disagreements with a fixation on “keeping the peace.”
Examples:
Ignoring or deflecting conflict, no matter how minor.
Emphasis on tone, performing friendliness, and on everyone ‘calming down’ once even a hint of conflict arises.
Scapegoating people who bring up racism or equating criticisms with ‘rudeness.’
Fixes:
Role play, discuss, or plan for ways to handle conflict before it happens.
Don't require hard issues to be raised in `acceptable' ways.
Once a conflict is resolved, revisit it and see how it might have been handled differently.
Additional Commentary:
This particular server’s admin team was understandably hypersensitive to conflict; the server had been previously wracked by fandom dramas unrelated to racism. However, this sympathetic feeling metastasized into an unsympathetic habit of total conflict suppression. Had that Inciting Incident Mod not reacted to that faint hint of friction, or had the admins later been willing to name and acknowledge mistakes from the moderation team as an unintended instance of racism, almost none of this final drama would have happened.
4: Denial
Insistence that racism is an individual problem that requires intent; refusal to see or acknowledge systemic problems brought to one’s attention.
Examples:
A pattern of downplaying or denying what POC are saying about their experiences.
Insisting intent is more important than impact.
Insisting that if someone did not mean to be racist, then the harms they perpetuated cannot have been serious.
Insisting that a person or group can free from racialized conditioning, leading to statements like "I don't see color," “I don’t care what anyone’s race is,” “we can’t even tell race on the Internet,” and "we're all the same."
Fixes:
Learn to acknowledge any fear that naming racism brings up; the feeling is not wrong or right. Move through the feeling and address what has been raised.
Assume that any naming of racism is on target. Instead of asking, “is it racism,” ask, “how is it racism?”
Learn not to take accusations of racism or white supremacy culture as personal attacks or criticisms.
Get into the habit of saying, “tell me more,” instead of jumping to denial and counter arguments.
II. Exceptionalism
AKA “the Illusion of Control.” The belief, conscious or subconscious, that one knows the right way to do things and is uniquely qualified implement it. This might literally mean one’s self, or just people similar to one’s self.
5: Paternalism
The belief that one can dictate what is ‘best’ for everyone or make decisions on others’ behalf without their input.
Examples:
Deeming it unnecessary to understand the viewpoints and experiences of people for whom one is making decisions.
Labeling people for whom one is making decisions as unqualified.
Majority of community members get marginalized from decision-making processes. Either there is no mechanism for community input, or community input is disregarded by those in power.
Frequently, these decisions also have the most outsized impact on those with the least power, e.x. members who don’t have personal friendships with mods.
Fixes:
Realize that everyone has a worldview, including you. No one’s experiences or education (or lack thereof) disqualifies them from having agency in your community.
Always include those most affected by community decisions in the brainstorming and decision-making processes.
Build in an understanding that every approach yields unintended consequences; even the most strategically made decisions will have unanticipated consequences.
Additional Commentary:
The Server Owner consistently made unilateral decisions on other people’s behalf. They also required members to be 21+ in this server, despite the show it was for only being 18+
In the interest of living up to my own standards, I must acknowledge that I was also being paternalistic.
When I first joined the server, I questioned that age requirement. The Server Owner claimed that they felt uncomfortable talking about mature topics around 18-20 year olds…and “joked” that they viewed 18-20 year olds like children. Their defensiveness reminded me of elementary school children insisting kids in the grade immediately below them are babies. On the spot, I thought the Server Owner must be in their early 20s at the oldest. With zero evidence but a lot of confirmation bias, this feeling cemented into an assumption due to some of their moderation choices (e.x. pinning messages by their whims, thus confusing newcomers). I even wondered if they grew up in a cult environment due to unusual gaps in their knowledge (e.x. being surprised that it didn’t snow in most of Thailand). I thought I could and should, over time, convince them of 'better' ways to moderate, and attributed my disagreements with some of their moderation choices to their youth.
Then the Server Owner mentioned having been to uni nearly 20 years ago, making them almost double the age I’d assumed they were.
Looking back, this was an act of paternalism on my part that spanned over a year and a half. I’m not proud of this, and I would like to think I would still come to be ashamed of this even if the Server Owner actually had been as young as I thought they were. Regardless of their actual age, this was an incredibly paternalistic viewpoint for me to have about any adult.
6: Power Hoarding
People scrabbling to hold onto whatever little power they have; resisting anything which makes them feel threatened in their position of leadership or influence.
Examples:
Feeling threatened when someone suggests changes in how things should be done in the community.
Suggestions for change often get taken as an indicator of poor leadership.
People with power insisting they do not feel threatened or defensive in the face of suggestions for change.
Assuming that anyone wanting a change are ill-informed or malicious.
“Blaming the messenger,” such as focusing on the person advocating for change rather than the substance of what change they are trying to make.
Fixes:
Leaders should expect challenges and change and learn to see this a sign that someone cares about the community enough to want to stay and reform it. Because our spaces are predominantly for hobbies, people have less need to stay, even if they have a strong desire to. If someone truly thought we were hopeless leaders, they would not be advocating for change; they would just leave.
Adopt a “tell me more” approach when someone suggests a change or challenges an existing structure * even if the thing they are trying to change is something you care deeply about preserving.
Make friends with your ego. Everyone has one. You’ll do better in the long run when you know what will automatically kick up your defensiveness; don’t try to pretend nothing will.
Additional Commentary:
The admins caused many of their own problems by consistently disregarding others’ input; they not only ignored the criticisms of the community, they ‘fired’ the entire rest of the mod team for giving suggestions that the admins did not want to hear.
7: Individualism
Believing that one can be immune from social conditioning and systemic biases, or that individual actions are sufficient to change a community.
Examples:
Believing that one can be “isolated” from the conditioning of the culture they were raised in.
Not seeing the ways dominant identities * in gender, class, sexuality, religion, able-bodiedness, age, etc. * are informed by belonging to a group that shapes cultural norms and behavior.
This one is also hard for people in fandom to recognize. Many of us are marginalized in one aspect of our identity, and marginalization in one area can make it incredibly difficult to recognize or acknowledge privilege in another.
Accusing people advocating for change of “not being team players,” because one does not recognize the large groups on whose behalf they are advocating for.
Focusing on whether or not an individual “is racist,” while ignoring systemic racism in the community’s culture or leadership.
Fixes:
Get into the habit of acknowledging both your marginalizations and your privileges. For example, I am a queer woman of color, which are three traits of marginalization. I was also raised middle-class, I have a college degree, and I am cis; three traits of privilege. All these traits inform my experiences and world view and make me subjective in different ways.
Learn how our dominant identities and how our membership in dominant identity groups informs us both overtly and covertly (while realizing too that these identities do not have to define us).
Realize we all have internalized conditioning, including racist conditioning. Commitment to anti-racism is not about being ‘good’ or ‘bad;’ it’s a commit to challenge one’s own conditioning and subconscious biases on an on-going basis.
Focus on collective accountability as much as individual accountability.
Because many people, especially on social media, use ‘accountability’ as a euphemism for ‘punishment,’ I want to be clear that this does not mean collective punishment. It means recognizing that people react to their peers (dis)approval on even the smallest scale, that people want to fit in, and that people often fear standing out. We are often not making individual decisions so much as “going with their gut” or “going with the flow.” When that’s the case, that means we need to re-condition what our gut tells us and change where that flow is going * both of which are community actions, not individual ones.
Additional Commentary:
In the Individualism page on her website, Tema Okun shared a personal story about how her upbringing had blinded her to the very real risks her POC colleagues faced even while working with well-intentioned white leaders. This story resonated with me and my experience in this fandom server.
The white admins either did not understand (or did not care) what it would cost a POC like me to try to help them. I was attempting to mediate rather than prosecute, and speaking gently as I did - which I was only doing to try to balance the need for change against the admins’ need for white comfort. Multiple people blocked me during this time period, and most did not see what came after. I try not to assume I’m more important or relevant than I am, but I and many others noticed the drastic change in the admins’ behavior once my rhetoric shifted from ‘benefit of the doubt’ to ‘naming mistakes and suggesting changes.’ I was trying to help the admins, but it came out to nothing and I still ended up paying a price and losing friends.
8: I'm The Only One
The assumption that one knows best; therefore, they have the unique right and responsibility to take unilateral action.
Examples:
Believing that the only way to get something done right is to do it one’s self. (Related to ‘One Right Way.’)
Believing that only one person is entitled or qualified to determine the right way and take action, typically in isolation from the people who will be impacted by our decisions.
Often goes hand-in-hand with micro-management (or in the case of online communities, micro-moderation).
Attempting to downplay or cover-up flaws or mistakes in leadership, fearing that the community cannot survive people discovering leadership isn’t perfect.
Fixes:
Hold ourselves and each other accountable for mistakes without assuming that we need to be perfect to lead.
Focus on collaborative and collective strategies for responding to mistakes, including accountability but also growth and inner development.
Leaders should make an effort to take in input from as many sources as possible, including the people saying things they do not like, do not want to hear or are challenging their leadership.
Especially the individuals who hold the most power, such as server admins and owners (who have more power than other mods). The higher up in this hierarchy that we are, the more likely that anyone who truly thinks we’re hopeless would simply opt to leave…which means the higher up in the hierarchy we are, the more likely that anyone who is challenging us still expects both themselves and us to stay where we are. Their challenges are not a threat, but an opportunity for growth.
Additional Commentary:
Those last two bullet points under Examples and Instances are what kicked off the entire server-ending drama in the first place. Even though the Inciting Incident Mod made a truly disappointing mistake, I don’t actually see them as having made the biggest misstep in this mess. This mod micro-managed someone and abused their power to shield a friend, but had the admins been willing to acknowledge those mistakes directly, most of the ensuing drama would not have happened.
When I asked the Server Owner to let someone else take over the server instead of closing it off completely, they claimed all the people I suggested were not equipped to handle the server. The only person they were willing to let take over the server was someone who had uncritically supported them during all the discourse. (Though I later found out that this entire discussion was never in good faith to begin with; explanation in the Final Feelings section below.)
9: Entitlement.
Assuming a right to something without any consideration for the possibility that one may not have the right. This assumption frequently is unidirectional and/or implicitly only functions as long as most other people do not have a similar right.
This trait was not core to either Tema Okun’s work on white supremacy culture nor Robin DiAngelo’s work on white fragility. However, it is an underlying component of racism (who is entitled to what), white supremacy culture (entitlement to other people’s works), and white fragility (entitlement to comfort).
Examples:
Assuming that one does not need to ask (or wait for an answer) to use someone else’s work for one’s own purposes. (Related to the trait ‘Urgency.’)
Believing that people’s boundaries regarding their work or creations do not matter. I hope I don’t need to spell out why this problem gets so in fanfic-based fandom spaces. That can of worms would need its own post and I’m already exhausted from this post.
Related to Right to Comfort: believing one is entitled to a peaceful community, even when it comes at the expense of everyone else’s sense of safety and belonging.
Fixes:
Assume one does not have permission until and unless told you do.
Graciousness if someone does not want you to use their works.
Their reasons may have nothing to do with you, so also learn not take someone else’s refusal personally.
When you do assume a right, take a moment to imagine it’s reversal (I.e. everyone else having the same rights to your work or output). How comfortable are you with this prospect of everyone ‘borrowing’ from you that which you are currently trying to borrow from someone else?
Additional Commentary:
I detailed my direct experience with the admins' entitlement down below under the trait titled ‘Urgency.’
This trend continued with their behaviors towards what server content they did and didn’t delete prior to deleting the whole server. When fans who left or were banned insisted all their own messages in the server be deleted, they were refused on the basis of ‘preserving’ the server. Yet the admins had no problems deleting every channel that had even a shred of discourse in it. They later deleted a few other channels on the grounds of people’s personal information potentially being in those channels and putting members at risk…except that if there was any such information, it had always been present in this channels; why did it suddenly matter now? I concede that they eventually deleted the individual members’ messages per their requests, and that the fear-mongering about private information came from another member altogether. However, between nebulous accusations that an admin had been party to a past doxxing of this member in the first place and the on-going problem of the admins behaving with false urgency (another trait below), I’m having a very hard time being sympathetic about this or giving them any more benefit of the doubt. Their selection of which channels to delete look less like protecting server members and more like a failed attempted to protect their own reputations.
III. Binary Thinking
This is not just a futile attempt to simplify reality, but an entitlement to a simplified reality and a habit of attempting to force others into one’s own dualistic constructions.
10: Either/Or
Polarization of issues and assumptions, categorical thinking, and viewing everything through this binary lens.
Examples:
Positioning or presenting options or issues as either/or -- good/bad, right/wrong, with us/against us, pro/anti, good/evil, safe/dangerous, etc.
Related to Perfectionism: a suggested solution must be either perfect or it’s useless.
Tendency to escalate instead of de-escalating, especially in a context where de-escalating is viewed as dismissing a problem.
Generalizing individual experiences or statements to the collective, or attempting to dismiss a claim because it is coming from an individual; either “everyone” is saying something or “no one” is saying it.
Fixes:
Cultivate a habit or community culture of looking for multiple ‘takes,’ viewpoints, and conclusions.
Break the habit of trying to sort people and ideas into two or a few categories.
Practice taking situations with seemingly only two possibilities and identifying points between them or alternative options altogether.
Be willing to set a future date or deadline for continuing a disagreement in order to de-escalate emotions in the moment. We have more options than either fixing everything in the moment or ignoring problems forever.
Additional Commentary:
When asked for transparency, this server’s Admins acted as if mistakes had to be either ignored or turned into a big production. This left no room to acknowledge a mistake, learn, and move on, since that was neither ignoring the mistake nor treating it with sufficient drama.
11: Perfectionism
Belief that there is a single right way to accomplish something. Belief that individuals must implement only correct, successful actions (and that missteps and mistakes represent fundamental character flaws).
Examples:
Mistakes are seen as personal, i.e. they reflect badly on the person making them.
Making a mistake is confused with being a mistake; doing wrong is confused with being wrong.
Believing a problem can be permanently resolved with the correct or ‘perfect’ course of action.
Fixes:
Develop a community where the expectation is that everyone will make mistakes, but those mistakes are opportunities for learning, not value judgments.
Accept that, when faced with a systemic or deeply entrenched issues, community leaders will need time to address the problems.
They will probably need to try multiple ideas, some of which might not work. That’s okay; it does not have to be a failure if you learn from it and try again.
Additional Commentary:
In the case of this server’s implosion, perfectionism appeared with the Admins’ fixation on looking for a solution that would ‘put the matter to rest.’ They ignored or actively derided suggestions that did not ‘solve’ the problem in its entirety.
12: One Right Way
The belief that there is a particular correct or ideal way of doing this (and that fault lies with others for not following this particular correct way).
Examples:
Assuming that once people are introduced to the right way, they will ‘see the light’ and adopt it.
Believing that when one’s way is not working, the fault lies with everyone else for not ‘converting,’ not the method itself.
Related to perfectionism: believing there is a singular or permanent solution to on-going, systemic problems.
Believing only certain people are qualified to address or resolve problems. This is especially prevalent among people whose post-secondary education was mostly institutional (i.e. college).
Fixes:
Create a culture of support that recognizes how mistakes sometimes lead to positive results.
Challenge notions of what constitutes the "right way" and what defines a "mistake."
Catch our internalized assumptions about being ‘qualified’ to fix a problem on our own or take on a large responsibility.
Additional Commentary:
Once again, in the interests of living up to my own standards, that means admitting when I’m doing or did the very habits I’m castigating. While my intent was not to behave as if I thought there was One Right Way, I recognize that my actions had the same impact as if I did believe in One Right Way. I presented a solution (collection of rules, guides, and channels) from a server I owned in another fandom entirely, and implied that there was only one right way to ‘fix’ the server.
That said, their conduct in utilizing this also reflected Entitlement and Urgency (which is where I elaborated).
13: (Belief in) Objectivity
The belief that there is some neutral, unbiased experience or viewpoint a person can have.
Because patriarchy so often uses claims of emotionality to dismiss women, many women become oversensitive to claims of subjectivity or identity-based bias. This can make recognizing the invalidity of objectivity difficult in communities whose leadership is dominated by women, especially white women (as white men tend to be most likely to rely on accusations of excess emotion in the first place).
Examples:
Fixation on prioritizing facts over feelings, or thinking feelings can be disregarded and ignored.
Requiring people to think in a linear fashion or otherwise expecting others to perform only the type of logic validated by those in power.
Those in power get to be scared, hurt, or angry and still viewed as rational/logical, while marginalized people who are visibly scared, hurt, or angry are deemed irrational/illogical.
Refusal to acknowledge when a certain line of logic is covering an emotional bias, perspective, or agenda.
Fixes:
Own up to one’s subjectivity; instead of assuming that one can have some arch-neutral worldview, be clear about your background, experiences, and potential biases (whether you believe you actually have these biases or not).
Recognize your own worldview will be as subjective as everybody else’s. If your view of society is also part of the dominant view of society (e.x. if you are white and/or cis and/or male and/or…), this means you were probably conditioned to believe certain assumptions are objective when they are actually subjective.
There is no way to be human without being biased by one’s identity and experience; some identities are just so privileged or normalized by institutions that they are the “invisible” default or norm.
Get into the habit of trying to determine what a situation you are in looks like from the outside, what information others do and do not have, or getting diverse perspectives on various situations.
By “get into the habit,” I mean we should practice doing this even in situations without confrontation, crisis, or argument. Analyze successful incidents and events this way to get the practice for handling unsuccessful incidents and crises.
Utilize ‘I’ statements and make sure not to assume that your personal experience is the same as everyone else’s experiences.
Community leaders have to take extra special care with what we say about our communities and how we present our assumptions and experiences. When we claim a community is trustworthy or safe, we just make it even less trustworthy or safe for anyone feels otherwise, because this disconnect between our experiences (that we generalize) and theirs (that we individualize) creates a barrier against further feedback.
Additional Commentary:
This was also related to at least one admin struggling to disconnect their own experiences with everyone else’s experiences. To the admin, because so much of their own time was consumed by this discourse, they spoke and behaved as if this were consuming the entire server. They did not realize that most of the members of the server had nothing to do with this discourse, and many did not even know it was happening…until the admin started repeatedly utilizing @everyone. This implies the admin viewed their own experience as “objective” and thus projected their own experience onto everybody else.
VI. Validation Seeking
I called this collection of traits ‘validation seeking’ because they all trace back to appeals to external authorities or claims of external pressures.
14: Progress = More
Assuming solutions always require “more” of something; never considering that existing resources could be sufficient or that “less” might be a solution.
Examples:
Assuming the goal is always to grow membership, rather than maintaining an enjoyable community
Assuming that “more” will fix a problem (e.x. more moderators will fix a moderation problem)
Disregarding the costs of growth (such as how increased number of channels can make a community overwhelming to newcomers)
Valuing people who have achieved a certain milestone or objective metric of progress more than those who have not (e.x. valuing older members over younger ones, valuing college-educated members over those without college education, etc.)
Fixes:
Try to make sustainable decisions, with an aim not for endless growth but maintaining the actual goal of the community.
When pursuing “more” of something to solve a problem, first evaluate what you actually need and determine why the existing number of resources is no longer sufficient when it previously had been.
For example, are you actually pursuing more moderators because there is an increase in activity and the existing moderation team feels burnt out and falling behind? Or are you just assuming that you need more moderators regardless of activity levels?
15: Quantity Over Quality
Believing that only things that can be numerically measured have value (and that things which cannot be measured have little to no value).
Examples:
Fixation on things like number of members in a community (quantity) over the members’ relationships and experiences in said community (quality)
Treating quantified milestones as a goal in their own right, rather than means to an end or a guideline (e.x. acquiring a certain number of moderators or maintaining a certain number of channels in a server)
Discomfort with emotions and feelings (as they cannot be measured objectively)
Fixes:
Determine traits and practices important to your community which cannot be easily quantatively (safety, respect, mutualism, etc.) and think of ways to evaluate them (for example: open-ended questions in a survey instead of relying exclusively on numerical ratings or menu options)
Focus less on output goals and more on process goals, such as how many new ideas were considered or how many people felt fully heard in a meeting. Even if, in the short run, this feels like leading to a bunch of unproductive meetings, in the long run this creates a more robust decision-making process.
Treat ‘accountability’ not as a euphemism for punishment (which social media tends to do), but as an opening for receiving support.
Additional Commentary:
The admins fixated on obtaining more moderators, but the reality is that the problems facing the community did not need more moderators, but rather a shift in culture altogether - a thing which could have easily been engendered by the admins on their own, even without additional moderators.
16: Worshiping the Written Word
Fixation on knowledge provided by institutions over people’s lived experiences and on-going, dynamic realities.
This one is hard to recognize in virtual communities because most or all of our interactions are “written” in chats and social media.
Examples:
Attempting to use dictionary definitions of words as arguments in and of themselves or treating them as the end of an argument.
Refusing to acknowledge that the way people use a word in daily living may not match up to the institutional definition.
Using errors in spelling, grammar, or language to justify dismissing someone’s arguments.
Over-valuing people who can write well (or just write a lot), and undervaluing the contributions from people who rely on other media formats or informal documentation.
Fixes:
Treat encyclopedia articles and dictionary definitions as a conversation starter, not an argument ender, e.x. “This is my understanding of that word; what’s yours?” or “In what ways does this ��official’ definition fall short?”
Focus less on using resources (articles, videos, guides, etc.) as an appeal to authority in an argument, and more as a starting point from which you develop your own community guidelines.
Additional Commentary:
I had an out-sized impact on discourse simply because I could write a lot in one go. Some of that was me anonymously relaying other people’s words on their behalf and some was original on my part; most of what I said simply reiterated what others had already conveyed. However, as I did so in a pseudo-academic manner, my word was given more weight.
Sharing of resources like educational articles or videos were treated as the end of a discussion, rather than the start of one.
17: Urgency
Applying extremely short deadlines to action, giving no time for rest or consideration. Utilizing the overarching urgency of racism as an excuse for short-sighted, short-term actions.
Examples:
Related to Quality Over Quantity: prioritizes measurable actions over impact.
Fixation on appearing to address racism moreso than actually doing it.
Uses expediency to justify poor-decision making processes or lack of consideration (related to Entitlement, Power Hoarding, and Conflict Aversion).
Often relies on perpetuating the idea that racism can be “solved” (which in turn implies that future accusations of racism cannot be made, nor community problems discussed).
Creating a culture of anxiety as people believe they must act immediately or they will never get to act at all.
Related to Right to Comfort: rushing decision-making in order to rush towards an idealized state of no further conflict.
Fixes:
When the feeling of urgency arises, slow down and encourage people pause, restate the goal, and dive deeper into alternatives.
Avoid making decisions under extreme pressure.
Work to distinguish what is actual pressure and what is pressure that you or others are creating.
Establish plans ahead of time for how decisions will be made during times of urgency, and how crises can be handled in the short-term while leaders evaluate ideas for long-term change.
This is related to Conflict Avoidance. When community leaders are uncomfortable with conflict, this also means not wanting to think about potential conflicts, and thus having no plans when conflict arises anyway. Becoming comfortable with conflict also allows planning for conflict management.
Additional Commentary:
When I showed the admins my fandom wank resolving set-up from another server (as mentioned in my additional commentary on One Right Way), they asked me if they could just use it as it was. However, they were too impatient to actually wait for an answer and used it, anyway, before I could respond. It was very clear that my answer never actually mattered to them. Had they waited, I would have explained how this exact set-up was not a good fit for this community and its current problems; I was sharing it assuming they would use it as a source of inspiration to brainstorm their own ideas for their own server. In addition, while I did not mind sharing, these were not my sole creation, but the product of a team of mods in my other server. Even if it had been a good fit, I would have checked with other mods whose labor had gone into this set-up to see if they were also alright with its wholesale reuse.
My experience is only one example. Ultimately, the admins kept fumbling, and increasingly claimed it was all due to the pressure and demands from the community that they ‘handle it’ - refusing to acknowledge that community members weren’t asking for an immediate solution to every problem. This urgency was self-inflicted. The server admins disregarded all their remaining mods’ suggestions that would have given them more time to address these problems carefully. Server-wide slow-downs, channel trimming, temporary server freeze, etc. - the admins had multiple ideas given to them, but shot them all down. The admins’ goal was not to address the problems, but to suppress discussions of racism as fast as possible because they were uncomfortable with admitting its existence in the first place (see Right to Comfort at the top).
Final Feelings
What Took Me So Long To Say Anything?
I didn’t want to risk the admins prematurely deleting the server out of spite. They were already unilaterally and suddenly taking away a community space from hundreds of fans entirely for their own benefit. I could not count on them being above robbing people the final opportunity to recover the last shreds of their materials and memories from the server.
I also, quite frankly, just had a lot going on in my offline life.
I continued to take my time even after they deleted the server because I was hurt and furious. I needed time to turn what was originally a soliloquy of my sorrows into an educational guide.
This was exacerbated by finding out that the admins faked the ‘death’ of the server:
As you can imagine, I was furious - and to be honest, I still am. That anger was precisely why I made myself slow down. I did not want to burn down the fandom for the sake of keeping only myself warm.
Complicated Feelings
I feel hurt and betrayed by the Admins and disappointed in the Inciting Incident Mod…but one thing I will say for them is that they expressed interest in learning the language and culture of the country that our fandom’s show came from.
They showed far more interest than that aforementioned Indigenous Server Member ever did.
I don’t begrudge this indigenous fan for defending their cultural tradition, nor their anger over how it was handled. I also acknowledge that in fandom and irl, Asian diaspora often end up partaking in white supremacy culture and entitlements. However, I do find this fan's umbrage at the initial ignorance to be tremendously hypocritical given this fan’s approach to Asian cultures, traditions, and histories. Their fanfics, server interactions, and other fanworks in this Asian media fandom demonstrated incredible disregard about Asian cultures - one which this fan never showed any interest in undoing or challenging.
I doubt it was a coincidence that this fan blocked me on Discord right around the time I started talking about the westernization of eastern characters and settings. Even if it was, that doesn’t lessen the pervasive apathy towards Asian culture in their fandom activities.
I routinely see fans call for the decolonization fandom when it comes to BIPOC people settings, only for these same fans to turn around and perpetuate the colonization of fandom when it comes to Asian people and settings.
This does not mean western fans shouldn’t participate in an eastern fandom! This participation is the best way to learn about a new culture. Mistakes and missteps are parts of the learning process, both at the individual level and at the collective level.
This is also not to pass a judgment on that specific fan or their creative works. That would be hypocritical of me in turn, given I’ve enjoyed some of those stories and fanworks, anyway.
I am bringing this up to demonstrate why solidarity is difficult for fans of color.
As an Asian diaspora fan in particular, I hate feeling like my choices are “BIPOC fans with ignorance and apathy that they don’t want to unpack” and “white fans with supremacy culture that they don’t want to unpack.” Either way, I’m going to have to put up with a ton of entitlement (never mind the rampant fetishization of Asians from all sides, which is its own can of worms I can’t even open right now).
And if I try to speak up about any of this, I will get blocked or I will be accused of being an anti-fandom killjoy.
Again.
Final Thoughts
People change for the better, and communities change for the better.
I know fandom can change because I’ve seen how it’s already changed. Fans take social justice issues and racial justice issues far more seriously than they did 20, 10, or even 5 years ago, and that’s just my own living memory of fandom.
We should always take a moment to recognize and celebrate how much better we are today than we were in the metaphorical yesterday.
But being better than yesterday does not mean being good enough for tomorrow.
And we still have a long way to go.
-
Thank you for reading this monstrously long post all the way to the end. Please remember to answer the poll at the top. Please reblog, and I encourage you to add your own experiences when you do.
#kinnporsche#discord#fandom#shipping#discourse#meta#thai bl#teen wolf#star wars#marvel#on fandom#fandom meta#fandom issues#i'm sure this is happening in lots of fandoms#the ones tagged are just ones i've seen or immediately heard#fandom racism#fandom problems#i encourage you to tag it with the other#fandoms#you have seen these traits in#it would not be the first time i made a post about#a seemingly fandom-specific problem related to racism#only for it turn out to be super relatable in other fandoms#that i have never been in or even heard of
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#not art (yet!!!!)#preddy good kristen I got goin on in this piece#for some reason my brain isnt letting me do this one. been stalling on it for a good few days. but I intend to break thru it#I need to put this on paper at least once#(its space sweepers. I think it would be funny if the kids are in that universe too but theyre just like off to the side doing their own#thing pretty much unrelated to the main plot. theyre delivery people. theyre all still teens. they get up to shenanigans and then#one day they look up like huh the guy who founded eden fucking died?? when#kristen specifically I got a decent amount hashed out in my brain somehow. she's like an engineered messiah with a grafted engine#along her upper body skeleton that'd let her spontaneously rearrange objects on a molecular level#so she can theoretically knit wounds or cure diseases by thinking abt it very hard#sadly the engine of course takes enormous amount of energy to power. so most of the time in practice she just#has a half-metal skeleton that doesn't do anything. so she's buff as shit on the upper side and one of her punches can break your neck#but her mobility is limited and she sprains her ankles like every other week. her shins have broken like a few times#I genuinely love the way her shoes n braces look in this one its very fun#there are a lot of choices I made in this one that are so fun and also just like. a result of putting them in space sweepers#and thinking to myself here and there hey this would be cool if it harkens back to their canon designs#not riz tho other than being human he is fully exactly like how he looks in canon. hes just like that#hes the navigator and he charts their courses by hand with a school calculator#(also technically their legal counselor since he's sorta responsible for not putting them in traffic control's hands)#drawing this does make me realise a lot of these dynamics are really fun lol. idk if Im gonna ever do anything like proper for this but#at the very least if I draw this the idea will be out there)
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did you know that there 8 actors who have been in all 3 members of the "sci fi trifecta" (Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who) and did you know that one of them is Siddig. in related news guess who's finally gonna listen to Doctor Who audios
#I do not behave as insane as I do on here in my real life#but my parents are still like. generally aware of who my favourite characters are in the things I watch#and which actors im into#so my dad was reading me this list#and because he knows. who my favourite boy is. he made it a dramatic reveal#my dad: you know him as Julian Bashir-#me physically shooting upright on the couch: MY MAN??#this inspired my dad to look at his IMDB#which reminded me I do want to watch his Gotham episodes#mostly because I have a huge embarrassing crush on him but also im genuinely interested in seeing him as Ra'as#but also he was in an episode of Merlin??#I used to love Merlin as a teen#ive watched it a couple times#gonna watch that one episode again#again because. I have a huge embarrassing crush#never been so down bad for an actor ive watched things just to see them specifically#but the grip he has on me. iron clad.
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“hi guys” i say nonchalantly to The Hollow fandom while i grip something that is definitely not a The Hollow x Teen Titans AU behind my back
#the hollow#au#teen titans#the hollow adam#the hollow vanessa#the hollow netflix#the hollow kai#the hollow skeet#the hollow mira#the hollow reeve#the hollow x TT#the hollow x teen titans#ive officially made my own tag specifically for me#wow#acomplishments#its the little things#the hollow titans
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scallison - summer 2019
when you break it down you freeze up while I'm freaking out
#teen wolf#scott mccall#allison argent#scallison#scott x allison#teen wolf edit#teen wolf amv#caroline culver#my vids#mine#they love to hold hands and kiss each other on the foreheads <3#he would also let her kill him if she was in that kind of mood <3#which she is on occasion <3#i love them sm you guys#best canon teen wolf ship TO ME#i love angst and star crossed lovers#they're like made in a lab specifically for me
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Sorry if this might be a rude question but why don’t you just make a seperate account for your nsfw fics?
not rude, it's a valid question! tbh it's a combination of a couple reasons.
i started posting anonymous dead dove batcest fics long before i had the balls to make a tumblr. at first i was content to just leave them unassociated with each other because i didn't really care about them being tied to me. i made this blog to actually show solidarity to my partner who wanted to make a sideblog for Sandman comic stuff so we could cheerlead each other and be brave together, since i've wanted to make a batcest sideblog but i've been nervous about actually having to get it going. (mal ik you're reading this go be brave and actually make your blog so i can cheerlead you damnit-) only did it dawn on me then that i should probably mention the fics i've written on the blog after like, three of them were posted anonymously. and it would've annoyed me to have half of them anonymous and half of them not, because notifications for them would've gone in different places. i could go back and take my fics off anon if i wanted to, but i can't switch the account they're on without taking them down entirely and that'd fuck over people who have them bookmarked already.
which, ties into my second reason, if i made an entire second ao3 account it'd be harder for me to see notifications, reply to stuff, and post things for both accounts because i'd have to constantly switch. and honestly i'd be terrified of accidentally posting on the wrong one on a brain fog day. posting fics is always the most tedious part of writing them for me lol. it's easier for me to stay logged into one account and have all of my stuff in one place for me and just use the anonymous collection when i feel like it. if ao3 pseuds worked like tumblr blogs, where you can't see all my side blogs but i can, i would've used pseuds, but since you can see all pseuds on an ao3, i felt it was a moot point.
and the last reason is i just feel more comfortable being anonymous on ao3 because of the rise in anti culture. on tumblr it's very easy for me to just filter that out and find the people i want to follow and block the people i don't. i don't mind getting hate, on tumblr or on ao3. but i think, for whatever reason you want to blame it on, there's been a massive boom of antis on ao3 who are very entitled about how they read on ao3. i tag extensively, but i just feel safer from getting targeted attacks if everything i write on ao3 isn't attached to one profile. if people like a fic i wrote, want to find more i always link my tumblr in the notes, but if an anti wants to get huffy with me, they can't easily track down my other things. they definitely could if they wanted to, but being anonymous on ao3 just makes me feel more secluded, in a weird way. it's like saying "if you want you can come find me but on here i'm just a weird faceless guy throwing stuff in the void". i've used ao3's anon feature a lot, actually, i used to be a hydra trash party dumpster kid back when that was in it's prime.
i also used to be vaguely popular on a different tumblr blog and my main ao3 and while i think it'd definitely be cool if i got a decent chunk of followers on this blog too, i don't really miss having fanfiction do so well i got targetted hate on all of my fics from the same people, i had my fics stolen, etc. it was really exhausting for me. i have 120+ works on ao3, not counting what's anonymous, and that level of exposure tires me, even when i use my main ao3 to post things that aren't trashy. it's just a weird feeling knowing so many people are subscribed to you on ao3 and what if you post something they won't like because you jumped fandoms again, or you're posting something niche, or you don't think it fills enough fandom tropes to be well-liked. i used to obsessively think like that, and it made me not write the things i wanted to because i cared about numbers. and i don't want to slide back into that hole. writing on anonymous is mostly to remind myself i wrote this for me, and if other people like it, they can come find me, but i don't have to perform like that anymore. if i get a really weird fucked up idea, i can write the really weird fucked up idea. at the end of the day, just makes me more comfortable! but i get it's a super confusing set up from an outsider perspective so, i really don't mind the question, thank you for asking!!
#necrotic festerings#batcest#pro ship#necrotic answerings#tbh asking the question gave me the chance to explain it so ty!#might link this in my about me or my masterlist for ease of access#i don't want to like. overstate how big i was on an old blog bc i was not like. a celebrity by *any* means.#but i had a ship-specific blog and i was certainly a “big name fan” for that specific rarepair#and it like. took over my life when i was a teen#i look back on it fondly now but i really regret that i would obsess so heavily over numbers and what made a fic do well#my favorite fics to write were htp back then bc for htp culture writing on anon was normal since that was during the dreamwidth days#and i just. liked that veil of anonymity and i think i defaulted to that when i decided to finally start posting batcest stuff#(all of this makes me sound so old i'm only 22 i just started fandom really fucking young which i don't recommend)#and when i say one fic got big. i mean it. i have found that fic on instagram and pinterest and tiktok and even. facebook.#do you know what it's like when your fic gets reuploaded to facebook without your permission and you see what boomers think of it.#that was so mortifying.#funnily enough the boomers were actually really nice i was just shocked to find it there scrolling one day.#it was instagram that was super mean to me and traumatized my ass. man ppl dug into me for the tinest things. do not miss that.#anyway the point is#i've tasted vitality and niche fandom status(tm) and i hated both. and i just cannot do that to myself again#ergo#anon on ao3 and a blog to post my thoughts when i have them.#it's a nice system for me#i have some stuff on my main ao3 that toes the line of like. dark dead dove trash.#and i had antis get mad at me bc their fave fluffy fic was written by. gasp. a proshipper.#and yeah that soured me to existence on ao3.#getting into the rise of anti culture is a whole other discussion that'd have me going on for hours but i will shut up now.#wow this got long. i like to fucking talk don't i.
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I feel genuinely sick thinking the amount of hate aimed at Liam was mostly coming from inside this fandom (not all, there is a substantial amount that was coming from the main pop community and platforms)
A sister mentions that hate as a contributing factor to the struggle she witnessed in her brother’s life…
I genuinely feel sick.
#harries ‘lovers’ zquad and louies all the bunch#all the nastiest bunch#and now harries dont give a fuck as always bc it’s who they are#lovers are tripping in their guilt because they made a mess in the past week#seriously a fucking mess and quite frankly id be feeling guilty too if i knew i had done what they did#zquad and louies feel sorry and sad because their faves are hurting#but despised Liam as a person every time he was around the boys or mentioned or whatever#sick sick sick behaviour#and i feel there’s a specific generation#of young people on the internet that were probably teenagers or pre teens during the pandemic#that grew up sort of differently in terms of how they behave online#there is zero empathy#zero on their behalf never ever#it’s like they feel entitled to say and write whatever without any consequences#because that’s what you can do on the internet#there are zero consequences for the haters#dont let me mention popBase#that woman is the scumbag of earth#this is just so inherently wrong for real
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really hate that the most pervasive fan-interpretation of isaac is (or at least used to be) "soft, sad, innocent puppy in love with scott". like in love with scott maybe sure. sad sure. but he's not SOFT or INNOCENT, he's a BITCH and he's MEAN and his automatic reaction to anyone he doesn't like is to try to fistfight and/or murder them. he has his soft moments but they are far overwhelmed by what a petty bitch he is. and to me thats like the peak of his character and why i love him as much as i do but so much of the fandom apparently saw him and threw all that out the window.
#like yall really just took all the flavor away from my boy#(this post isnt adressing anyone that follows me or even really anyone i've seen in the current teen wolf tumblr community)#(this is more about the subset of fans that i think are probably the same subset of fans that ship sterek and made all those edited#-screencaps whenever i look for teen wolf stuff on pinterest)#magpie thoughts#magpie's teen wolf experience#i now have a visceral reaction anytime i see isaac described as a puppy.#on top of everything else it also just feels kinda like infantilizing an abuse victim#like ''oh poor little pathetic baby never did a thing wrong in his life must protect from all harm''#like. NO#he did LOTS OF THINGS wrong. he was hungry for power and control after having basically none his whole life and it made him reckless and#-cruel (at least at first). he tried to kill people and relished in it. and even after he pledged eternal devotion to scott or whatever and#-switched sides he was still bitchy as all hell. and i LOVE HIM FOR IT#taking away all of that and reducing him to just some poor baby whose done no wrong and must be coddled feels like just. erasing his agency#idk man#magpie rants#i feel like i had a tag specifically for me being salty at some point but i dont rmr it
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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