#made by memory so kinda wonky as fuck but

[ineffectualdemon]

I have a complicated relationship with Christianity

The church I grew up in was hugely important to me during a vulnerable time in my life and was a place of safety and community when I often felt very unsafe and alone. It was kind and I have a lot of good memories of that church and the people in it (it was Episcopalian and after the mercy speech that may make more sense to some of you)

But Christianity as a larger entity also really fucked me up. Especially as I got older as there was a rising evangelical community in my town over the 90s and it kind of affected everything

Which when I started having religious delusions made things a lot worse

And now I am old and disabled and the world is what it is and it's hard to think there might be a loving god running it all

But trying lots of different arts and crafts helps

Because when I make something for the first time without a clear idea of what I'm doing it's kinda shit. It's a bit wonky and badly put together and silly looking

And if I think of God as a creator who was trying to make things for the first time with no instructions...well that explains a lot

And I love my little wonky looking fucked up little guys

So why wouldn't god love me too?

I still don't know if I believe in anything but when things get hard I find thinking like this comforting

[yourlocallightsource]

eueueeue

[morganbritton132]

Please tell me that in the comments of that tiktok people are trying to give advice to help steve make another row. or one of the kids who used steve for math class crochets and decides to make a crocheting video in the form of one of steve's videos for class and sends it to eddie. or like, dustin or someone else who can get it to steve

Oh, absolutely! Eddie’s comments are flooded with people giving advice or telling him which tutorials they thought were helpful, or just generally being happy that Steve’s taken on a new hobby.

Eddie passes along all of it and then posts a series of TikToks of Steve getting frustrated that he’s not immediately good at crocheting.

In the first video he posts, Steve is frogging two wonky and misshapen rows while an overly perky YouTube tutorial goes over the basics of crochet. He is muttering to himself, “The internet says this is easier than knitting. The internet says this is easier – How?!”

Eddie, from behind the camera: Do you know how to knit?

Steve: Fuck off, Eddie.

The caption on the video says ‘Thx for the tutorial rec [TikTok username] 😉

The second video Eddie posts is of Steve trying to untangle his yarn while Joan bats at it. He tosses all of it to the side and throws himself back on the couch, declaring with an Eddie-level of overdramatics, “It helps with memory loss because you’ll never forget how frustrated you are trying to learn.”

The third video has Eddie in it. Steve is trying to shove the questionable beginnings of a hat onto Eddie’s head even though it’s clearly too small. He stops and sighs, and running his fingers through Eddie’s hair as he thinks aloud, “What if we cut your hair? *pause* No, that’s insane.”

The fourth video in the series is actually posted by Dustin.

Steve and Eddie are sitting side by side on the couch while Eddie demonstrates how to do a specific stitch. Steve watches him do all this with such an effortless ease even though Eddie hasn’t crocheted in years and then just stands up and declares, “I’m taking a walk. I need to clear my head.”

Eddie and Ozzy look at each other and then Eddie makes a gesture that says, it’s your turn to deal with this. Ozzy huffs at him but gets up and follows Steve out of the house.

All of this cumulates in a TikTok filmed in after school detention of a few students presenting to Mr. Harrington a tutorial they made in their Media Immersion class. They explain why they think that their tutorial is better for him than anything he’ll find on the internet because they’ve tailored it around him and things they’ve noticed from just having him as a teacher.

“And,” One of the students says, “Our grade kinda hinges on you actually learning how to crochet, so you have incentive too.”

[ninghttt]

Hellooo dearest friend everrrr whenever you come back from your hiatus I need to know more about Jill NOWW‼️‼️‼️ I wanna know what she sounds like I wanna know what's under her mask I wanna know about the Lil cutie she's in charge of I wanna know how she fucked them up cause. She has to kind of everyone else is fucked up but ANYWAY YEAH PLEASE YAP YOURE SO AMAZING I HOPE YOU ARE WELL >:)

AAHHH TY FOR THE ASK AND THE KIND WORDS I'M SCREAMING AND KICKING MY LEGS. love your pfp WHAT'S WITH THE KJ BULLYING

so a bunch of people already asked what's under the masks so here's a public answer!!: nothing. a reflection of what their physical self sees in the space: a complete void and other false stars in hibernation here and there.

"night, then why does jack has human teeth and eyes??" because, as I said, before the isaac, he felt a connection towards humans, so he kinda took on their appearance, even if it was really wonky. but the connection died down, so now teeth and eyes are the only parts that left of his human-ish face :D but other's false stars don't feel connected to ANYONE, so they are just void guys <3

BUT THIS POST IS ABOUT JILL SO LET'S GOOOOO

A HUGE WARNING: I DO NOT CONDONE ANY HARMFUL TOPICS THAT ARE GOING TO BE BROUGHT UP. FALSE STARS ARE BAD. THEY ARE THE VILLAINS. THEIR MORALS ARE FUCKED.

TW: SELFHARM, GASLIGHTING

okay so! about Jill and Oliver! my rambling also will include Jill's methods, aka, how false star SHOULD handle their child.

here's images of them so you don't get lost:

they met when Oliver was an 8-year old child, and now the little guy is 17. Through all these years, Jill has been nothing less than Oliver's only and best friend. They never fought because Jill always found a compromise as soon as the argument started, and Oliver is grateful to her for that because she is the only one who understands him even without words.

Unlike his father, who never tried to understand him. Unlike his classmates, who only tried to pick on him. Oliver never had anyone he could rely on. This developed his defensive and snarky nature, which only made things worse for his communication skills.

Still, Oliver lost himself in talking with Jill, who made him recall childhood memories, reminding him of things he didn't even remember.

His love of sea creatures and the ocean; his desire to become an artist and then a lawyer, and then something else, cause his child brain could never decide; the way he cared for the chick he saw fall out of the nest, and was with it until the last moment.

There was a lot he didn't even try to remember, just smiling at Jill's small, gentle comments. They always made Oliver feel better.

But after sometime, Oliver became overly jealous of people who got friends and partners, and wanted somebody real for himself.

At the age of 15, Oliver made his first friend, after meeting her at some school festival. Her name was Sunday, and she was so similar to Oliver that they found common ground almost immediately. Jill, for the first time in years, took a back seat, allowing Oliver to enjoy his new friend.

Their friendship lasted a little over a year before Sunday began to drift away as she became closer to her other friends. It's just a normal thing for a person to change interests over time, but for Oliver, this friendship meant so much more. So when he was all alone again, Jill 'returned' to be by his side. But before Oliver could lose himself in the friendship with his imaginary pal again, he turned to the razor blade.

When Jill returned, she was greeted by bandaged hands, even though Oliver made endless excuses.

Then she said a simple sentence: "I don't mind. Do what you have to."

She understood him in a way that Sunday never could: she was always too sensitive about this subject, asking Oliver for a bunch of promises he would never keep. And in that moment Oliver realized that after all, she was the one he had always needed.

***

SO YEAH THAT'S EVERYTHING I WROTE FOR THEM UNTIL THE MOMENT THAT CORALINE SEEKS THEM OUT. HELL YEA

basically, Oliver is a snarky, anxious, abandoned and tearful mess, that needs therapy asap but chooses escapism, while his escapism aka Jill only encourages it. I imagine her as a lioness waiting for her meal to fuck up itself completely and she can eat only then. JILL'S A GIRLIE THAT LOVES TOYING WITH HER FOOD 🤭🤭🤭 even tho she feels like a perfect, calm, competent, quiet listener and therapist. THAT'S HOW THE FALSE STAR IS SUPPOSED TO BE. NOT WHATEVER THE FUCK JACK WAS DOING

again, I feel the need to mention: I DO NOT CONDONE SELFHARM IF YOU'RE DEALING WITH THIS PLEASE SEEK HELP OR FIND AN ALTERNATIVE.

[anyablackwood]

OC Deep Dive Tag

Thanks for the tag, @mysticstarlightduck! Going with Seraphina from Asteria Heights!

Playlist (tbh I don't really do these. So I'm kinda just listing whatever comes to mind lmao):

The Vampire Masquerade by Peter Gundry

The Weirdos Waltz by Peter Gundry

Waltz of Memories by Pierre-Alexandre Monin

Rich Girl by Gwen Stefani

Fabulous from High School Musical 2

Summary of Vibes:

If Sharpay Evans was a greedy, old-money nightmare wrapped in an immortal 12-year-old's body

But also if she was dressed like a Victorian porcelain doll

Resident information broker and deal-maker. Anything you want, and anything you want to know, all available for a price.

A witch AND a vampire. Because the rich keep winning apparently

The center of several urban legends both in and outside of her community

biggest debate in town: Is She Actually Twelve, Or is it Just Vampirism (being half makes the aging rate wonky)

second-biggest debate: How the Fuck Does She Know These Things

honestly, I'd give her and her family more flak for being so wealthy... but imagine being part of a race that can live for centuries and still being unable to build some savings? Like just walk into the sun at that point?

It's "self-made wealth" when you tricked the IRS into thinking you were 6 different descendants of yourself the past few decades as you continue to make investments and trade deals and buy out your competitors... allegedly

CEO of creepy ass smiles and the Customer Service Voice

Gently Tagging: @macabremoons, @talesofsorrowandofruin, @maiemorrae, and anyone else who wants in!

[circuitspeeder]

RED VS BLUE RESTORATION SPOILERS

This is stuff I liked :D

Can I just say how fucking good caboose was in this? I genuinely adored competent caboose, and he still felt very in character, to me at least.

The way all the AI’s were still so in character even after all these years had me happy. Sigma also got to drop his ‘manipulator’ persona and got to just be cruel which feels in character but I can see how some might not like it.

Sigma snapping a bit at Theta then Delta telling Sigma to fuck off and leave him alone then telling Theta to come by him was fucking adorable. Delta and Theta fans stay winning. 💪

The felix part still confuses the fuck out of me but the way I’ve chosen to interpret it is Sigma basically just taking felix’s voice to specifically fuck with tucker. (Aka they couldn’t get big actor no more so miles is now sigma)

Sigma could have potentially also taken some of Felix’s personality cuz no way bro was like ‘i’m gonna sit in a glass box and pretend I’m a statue then jump out at them when they come looking! This shit is gonna be so funny!’ Like 😭😭

The way The Meta also just kinda throws shit around like a toddler is funny to me, but also sort of helps show that he isn’t exactly 100% there.

The Caboose and Tucker scene fucked me up. 10/10 no notes for that. Caboose’s VA also fucking killed that scene.

479er and Shelia was fucking amazing. Along with the small gag with Lopez at the beginning. I hate how they later just disappear but I’m happy we got them at all.

Kai is literally my favorite character behind Grif. At the very least I’m happy we got ANYTHING from her.

Seeing Tucker being tortured the way they tortured the Alpha, and possibly Maine was so cool, but also fuck you for that.

Idk if I’m 100% correct on this, but it seems like the machinima parts on charon’s ship were green screened. I could be wrong but it looked a bit wonky sometimes.

First time Grif salutes Sarge is when he’s fucking dead. Fuck me.

The memories around the fire, and Grif finally being given the option to leave was all stuff I liked. Grif choosing to stay to at least fight the Meta was cute.

Tex coming back instead of church was actually fucking gold. This version being made from positive memories was also perfect.

Hearing Round 1/Bullfight, like I said before, got me hard instantly.

Tex and Carolina fighting together, loved it, but they did feel far weaker than we have previously seen them.

Small nit pick, the figh animation was great, but they still have the camera issue where it just sorta floats around a bit when it could help to better enhance what was happening, but I still loved the fight.

God the lighting on the animated bits was so fucking pretty.

Tex and Church (or Allison and Leonard) finally getting to fucking rest was 🙏 That part genuinely had me in tears.

Then after that it’s sorta down hill for me, but I will say how I can understand how some might think Grif leaving was a good thing.

Again rvb0 cameo made me throw up in my mouth-

I did love how Dr.Gray mentioned that Donut was an admiral. Good for him.

Grif telling Simmons to come with him had me kicking my feet like a little girl.

Grif and Simmons honestly felt so much closer this season. They felt like genuine friends, and while I kinda knew we weren’t gonna get it canonized they still carried, along with Caboose.

I do over all prefer the season 15-17 time line, along with the OG scrapped season 18 we could have gotten, but this was a fine ending. At the very least I hope they enjoyed making it.

[fictionkinfessions]

canon rant because omg.

i honestly love my canon so much despite having the most devastating life. anyways!!

i think i always saw me and pony as being closer pals than we really were. it was like a 5 year old thinking they were besties with their older sibling’s friend except i was the 5 year old and pony was the sibling’s bestie. it was wonky

also pony had like. strawberry brunette(?? is that a thing????) hair before he bleached it. i always thought it was super cool tbh

sodapop was definitely my closest friend (aside from johnny ofc) out of everyone. absolute bros. we fought all the time but in a fun silly playful way. he probably bodyslammed me one time lmao

to the part i really wanted to talk about. johnny!! my pookie bear. my wife /silly

he’s always been my favorite person. like. ALWAYS. he had a lot more of a grungy style (if our story took place in the 90’s he’d definitely listen to nirvana or radiohead type stuff) and the scar on his cheek was on the opposite side of his face. idk why but that just seems special to me. it’s awesome. (also i was rlly gay for him. like it’s not even funny how gay i was for that mf /affectionate)

also i looked. awesome???? like i actually think i looked really cool (ironic coming from someone who literally has body dysmorphic disorder now. how the tables turn am i right /silly). i know i had longer hair and i bleached it but i never bothered to bleach my roots too much so they were brunette/my natural color. kinda like ebaycarson if any of y’all know who he is. i think i might’ve been trans and was on hormones (stole them,,,) so that was sick. i also had a scar across my face that came from my dad

anyways on to lore that i made up for myself to cope with the fact that i don’t have any memories of it so far😻😻

mostly taken from irl experiences btw.. but like, really exaggerated. i promise my family isn’t this bad irl don’t call cps

i had a little sister (eliza)!! i played softball and she did ballet and since the ballet studio and the softball field were so close together and we had our practice/rehearsal at around the same time our mom would drive us together. one day we got into a car accident on the way (eliza was 4, i was 6-8) which ended up in her being beheaded and killed. i was in the passenger seat and my mom was driving, so the airbag broke a few of her ribs. the airbag on my side didn’t really work that well so the seatbelt threw me forward before slamming me back into the seat when it did actually come out. it came out weird though, so it hit me in the leg and caused some motor issues that ended in me using a cane sometimes. fast forward to when i was 13, i decide to skip out on class one day and go home since we lived relatively close to school. i’m about to jump into the window that leads to my room before i hear my parents yelling, and my dad leaves. my mom tells me what happened and what’s been happening since they got married and i find out he’s mentally and verbally abusing her, as well as threatening her with “i’ve got other bitches” when she doesn’t want to fuck. i tell her that we’re going to leave that night. i’ll get my allowance (allowance was weird. i got some of it and the rest was kept in a safe for savings) from the safe, she’d scrape up as much money as we could and we’d leave. that night she waited for me in the car to start warming it up since it was the middle of winter and i got my money before my dad finds me and starts cussing me out, then i run out to the car and me and my mom drive away with my dad chasing us. we drive down to virginia (from new york (poughkeepsie to be specific) to stay at a motel for the night. i wake up to my mom’s muffled screaming, and turn just enough to see my dad with a pocket knife and an axe, holding his hand over her mouth. i jump up and beat the shit out of him, he tries to cut my head in half with the axe (hence the scar over my face) and i take his pocket knife and stab him until he died. i push him off of me to try and find my mom (who id just figured had decided to play dead), just to find her half gutted on the floor. i get out of there and drive as best as i could as a 13 year old to wherever i could, which ended up being tulsa. then the story goes from there.

i think the only difference that my canon has from canon-canon is my life/backstory if you wanna call it that, appearances and the fact half of us were gay

i don’t like motels.

- dallas winston (#🕯️🌀)

w

[toastywatchesstevenuniverse]

S1 E40

On the Run

This episode broke me.

I am...

I....

I am a broken creature & my heart has been thoroughly stomped into the ground.

This is....this is the best episode so far....but it's achieved the status of best by absolutely tearing me apart in every way & leaving my emotions as a pile of tear soaked dust.

Okay before we get to that: I have one thing to say....

GARNET HAS MASSIVE AND PLENTIFUL BALLS. Look this post ended up being a lot more personal & emotional than this blog usually has been so I'm giving you a balls joke to balance it out. I have a feeling that there will be more emotional venting if this episode is an indicator of what the rest of the show is like: we're gonna need all the dick & ball jokes we can muster up.

First off: easily the best musical number in the show so far. Yes even better than Pearl's solo number. And I do not say that lightly. That is a tough level to beat. And they did it. Steven & Amethyst take the gold medal for best song so far. 👌

ALSO OH MY GOD THESEE SHOTS THESE COLOURS THIS DJFJFNDIFJW ITS SO FUCKING GOOD????????

WHY DID SO MANY PEOPLE ON YOUTUBE TELL ME THIS SHOW HAS BAD ANIMATION WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW?????? SURE THERES BEEN SOME WONKY DRAWINGS BUT MOST OF IT HAS BEEN VISUAL GOD TIER SHIT LIKE THIS. This episode was actually quite a step up in the animation compared to the previous ones. It's like the animators stepped on the gas here. I love it.

(Hey there uh so Trigger warning for this post just in case bc I do mention the topics of self harm/self hate/passive suic*de & that kinda stuff. So if that's not your thing, I'm really sorry & I understand if you wanna just stop reading here. If this isn't a topic you like to see mentioned at all, I'll just summarize my opinion here real quick & you can click away, I'm happy you're here at all btw thanks for reading this far!! & I want you to know you're valid for feeling this way btw: Don't let anyone tell you different. Anyways tldr I love this episode & how it tackles Amethysts character & it's the best episode so far & it made me cry really really bad & I am more of an emotional mess now than I usually am.)

So getting a bit personal here: I have said many times throughout my life that 'I never asked to be born'. I still think it now.

(Side Note but oh my god the animation in this fight was fucking incredible. Holy shit. And these shots go so fucking hard they COOKED this shit to perfection.)

Ive been depressed & passively suicidal for most of my life. I honestly cannot really recall a time where I didn't feel this way. I'm just kinda used to it by now I guess.

(This shot. This frame right here. This was when I had to pause the episode to calm down from how bad I was crying.)

So to hear Amethyst say the exact same thing that I have said so many times before: That broke me. That just fucking broke me. And like it's not the first time I cried at this show so far: BUT this IS the first time the show genuinely struck an such an extremely difficult & personal chord with me, not just like being sometihng I relate to, but the chord it struck was deep & painful enough that I had to actually pause the episode because of how much I needed to process it. Like I could not pay attention with how bad it made me break. So yeah it's now score 1 for the amount of times this show has fucking utterly destroyed me. Not every show is able to get me to react like THAT. The only other show in recent memory that got that reaction out of me that I can remember at the time of typing this is well, The Owl House. To be fair I haven't watched too too many new shows but yeah. This got me crying badly enough that I had to take a moment to calm down. Wasn't expecting to have that nerve struck like that.

That just hit on a personal chord for me & just....fuck man. I know that feeling. And they nailed how it feels. Amethysts reaction was exactly how it feels for me, just outwardly anger & tears. It hurts. Obviously anger & crying is simplifying it a lot, it's a lot more than just baseline that but you get what I mean. You could tell that she was feeling that exact way. & holy shit the fact that she's been the "comedic relief" of the gems so far & yet she's had easily the most fucked up & sad backstory of the show so far. Yeah if catching me off guard & completely blindsiding me with this was the goal: Goal fucking achieved because that was like a whack to my fucking face with a frying pan.

So....like, is this gonna be a reoccuring thing? I just.....get the feeling that this is a sign that the show absolutely fucking me up emotionally may become a more frequent thing going forward. So like, if that is the case......fuck. I'm so fucked. I am going to be a fucking wreck by the end of this show. This is gonna fucking leave me a sobbing mess, isn't it? What the fuck have I gotten myself into-

I am afraid. Also I am going to need to buy more tissues.

And the scene where Pearl & Amethyst speak in the hole is some of the best writing in any CN show. Ever.

(Also to break up the depressing talk, OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT PEARL IS SO FUCKING TALL THAT SHE HAS TO BEND DOWN AND SIT STANDING UP ON HER TIPPY TOES. THAT'S SO FUCKING ADORABLE I LOVE HER I AM GOING TO FUCKING LOSE IT.)

This episode was absolutely perfect.

[decaysol]

There's so much thoughts I haven't processed and my brain goes on all sorts of wonky

Today I noticed that I'm real insane and would spend too much time in my head instead of communicating and it doesn't make sense anymore ? Just think of the amount of flaws and mistakes and weird traumas I accumulated to bring me here in life

People are sensitive and have weird standards of interaction and accumulate fears and shit from observing others' reactions. Sometimes people don't learn to stop give a shit or fight back until their late twenties or thirties. Bad values? Bad experiences? Flawed thinking? There's insight into dynamics and preferences eventually that I never understood until recently that I read a lot about it I guess.

By dissociating too much and learning from reading instead of real life enough I think my standards of self care is also fucked. Ppl are social and will put themselves first as best as they can and I kinda fell off the best path I think. It's lucky I'm still alive honestly. I don't even remember to start doing things that end in benefiting me. Worse with the weird awakening and the depersonalization that comes with it that decenters me more that I find no meaning to it. Oh hell.

Anyways I'm in the stage where I am picking stuff back up and have to think through to integrate better etc I think.

Also my personality is weird I type from a knowing-ish space, and my working memory think in a emotional emotive kiddo state.

Socially I'm kinda fucked and do need sorts of help and reintegration into society. Too much illusions and hallucinations in the mind. Big sigh if all. Like cheering when a rat gets trapped instead of acknowledging causing pain and the specific concept or their doll wins the tournament. That risks normal people won't take.

Anyways. It's been weird to make myself shift back into normalcy rn. I made friends from my abnormal side and it worked. Why not.

Also like people learn from exp, and what if I learn from Jesus himself doesn't make sne

[sinful-indulgences]

Ok, so I’m almost certain Claude is a black widow spider, which for those of you who don’t know much about that species…

The females are bigger than the males and eat them right after sex, so the males are more submissive by nature. The males of the species have learned ways to avoid getting eaten and they are kinda cute.

They will bring food to the female they want to mate with to swoon her (and so she isn’t hungry after sex) and while she eats, the make sometimes gives back rubs/massages! They also bring gifts, and if the female lets him leave?

The male returns to her the next breeding season and does the same thing! Idk if they remember preferences or not but it’s cool to read about!!

So another way (that’s less successful) is the make ties up the female, then they have sex, however the females are stronger than the males, so they can usually break out it easily. Also the make doesn’t ‘trap’ her since he obviously doesn’t want to get her killed and if she doesn’t get out before they are done, males have been seen intentionally loosening the silk.

(Im scared of spiders, but I love learning about this stuff !! Most of this is from memory of a college class I took 2 years ago so it my be a little wonky!)

Because I’m a slut for monster fucking, I had to make this about fucking a certain spider demon!

Claude honestly seems like the type who probably has thought about sex a fair amount, but never tried it and since he’s a spider demon, I imagine he’s lowkey terrified to have sex, he doesn’t want to get eaten after all.

He knows how to court though, he’s done that a fair amount, he just chickens out when it gets to anything more.

Then you come along, another spider demon.

It’s rare for demons to come across ones in the same group category as they are, so to say he was shocked was an understatement.

Though you seemed indifferent, which made him want you more. He sort of forgets that demons have pheromones…

Needless to say, in less than a day you had him in your bed waiting for you to touch him. Claude was so caught in the moment (and pent up) that he didn’t think about if you were going to eat him.

That was until he realizes you tied him down, naked with your silk. He just stupidly trapped himself because he had been blinded by lust.

And the most frustrating part?

You’re taking your sweet time with him, slowly making your way towards his hardening cock. It was a little overwhelming when you took the whole thing in your mouth and started to suck it harshly.

Claude can’t control the moans that escape, it concerns him with how skilled you are, you’ve probably used this as a trick to distract previous mates. As much as it worried him, he was vaguely intrigued.

Demons are naturally greedy, Claude worried you’ll simply get impatient and eat him during the session. After all, a demons hunger is insatiable, correct?

Claude was taken out of his train of thought when you suddenly let go of his cock, mounting him and slamming yourself down on his cock. Claude couldn’t stop himself from going limp under you, not even bothering to pretend to struggle.

Your heat around such a sensitive area made him feel like he was melting. Claude whimpers out a warning that he’s close, he’s not even sure if it’s a good idea to tell you that, but you sped up.

As Claude tipped closer to the edge, he quickly realized that you hadn’t made a sound, looking up, you’re staring right at him, a smug smile, widening with every sound you pull from him, and a thought crosses his mind.

You’re only doing it to make him cum inside you. Claude can’t help but shiver, realizing he’s too close to stop it now, shit, would you at least be merciful?

Claude is taken aback when you bottom out, your walls suddenly tightening around him like you were trying to milk him. It works though, he’s shaking as he cums inside you. The entire time he’s trembling, wondering what you’ll do to him next.

What he doesn’t expect is for you to keep going.

His breathing hitched as his cock spikes in sensitivity. You finally make a sound and to his confusion you’re laughing at him. Claude worries that maybe you really do intend to eat him while you ride him,

You lean down, face in his neck, nipping at the unprotected flesh. He closes his eyes fully expecting you to tear apart. You don’t do that though, you just keep riding him.

To his embarrassment, his cock is just as excited as you are, he cries out as he’s forced into another orgasm. It leaves him trembling under you as you continue to fuck him into the ground.

Oh you were keeping him. You already made up your mind, he’d make a better mate than snack.

[catch-the-wind]

the firsts: kiss(es...)

happy valentine's day! it's been a while but this is part (2/3) of the last of my biker!xiao hc's. i wanted to make it one post but i had several ideas and it got too long so i made it into a shorter three-parter instead. i won't post more ab biker!xiao unless otherwise prompted bc i feel like ppl reading are probably getting sick of it ehe

but anyway! thank you so much for reading! i would love to hear more feedback, it's really encouraging. i think my read more cut is still a little wonky on the blog itself, but the cut on the dash works just fine! thank you again for reading! much love, please enjoy :D

xiao and a motorcycle || riding with xiao || dating biker!xiao || the firsts: i love you || the firsts: kiss(es...) || the firsts: fixing his bike

tags: genshin impact, genshin impact x reader, xiao, xiao x reader, suggestive, tw suggestive, biker!xiao

kiss

he probably wouldn’t kiss you on the first date bc ur brand new to each other, right? so instead of a kiss at the end of the first date, he asks if he can “kiss you next time” instead

i can’t tell if i want the absent-minded kiss on the cheek or a sweet, purposeful one when he greets you on your second date

so when he greets you, he probably walks up to you where you’re sitting waiting to meet up and helps you up

brushes his lips gently over your cheekbone as you stand and he guides you up w a hand on ur lower back

OR he meets up w you and just smiles a little shyly but reaches to press a gentle kiss to your cheek. his lips pressed to your cheek for just a little less than a second before he pulls away and his cheeks are a little red and he looks away

UGH HES SO FUCKING CUTE I HAVE TOO MANY IDEAS ABOUT HIM

or or or or smooth xiao dismounting the bike and shaking his hair out after taking off the helmet. eyes meeting yours as he walks over to you leaning against the wall and you know your legs are feeling pretty weak so thank fuck this wall is supporting your weight

idek if y’all are meeting up for the first time that night or if you’ve seen each other earlier in the day but let’s pretend that he saw you earlier and it ended with a cocky little smirk and a teasing goodbye-

the kind of goodbye where he teased you with the IDEA of that kiss, his finger under your chin to tilt your head back as he walks past you, swagger in his step

he knows you turned in your seat to watch him walk away and he just smirks to himself and gives you a two-fingered wave of his hand when you’re still watching him mount the bike

but that little tease…mmm

it was the promise of a kiss that he’s now here to deliver

he walks up to you, smirk already in place, and puts a hand against the wall over your shoulder- just straight up kabedoning you rn

and he uses his other hand to tip your chin gently, his eyes on your lips, his breath uneven and that smirk still delightfully in place as he presses his lips to yours and hums into the kiss-

and my god those little vibrations-

it’s not a short kiss but it’s not a long one either, and he comes back for more before he finally stops kabedoning you to take your hand and walk wherever the date was supposed to be

alternatively…making out…once you’ve um. settled into the relationship a bit and are comfy with it ofc

okay i think i’ve written some of it before (is it published? who knows, i have the memory of a goldfish)

riding the bike up to a scenic point, you’re both off the bike and standing next to it to take in the view

and he smirks at you in some kinda way and pushes your hips back into the seat- and his hand slides to the side of your neck and holds you while he presses his lips to yours-

stepping into you so you have to put your hands back onto the seat and hope that you’re steady enough you won’t fall off the bike but my god his lips are so smooth and talented and they’re moving against yours-

his tongue just sweeping over your bottom lip when he sucks that lip into his mouth and tugs with his teeth and you forget how to breathe for a second

when he pulls away, his lips are a little swollen and he tugs that protective jacket he got you a little tighter around your shoulders, dragging his hand down the lapel and smoothing over your hips-

ahem i’m fine i’m totally fine it’s fine anyway moving on AHEM

god but his tongue sweeping over his bruised bottom lip, his eyes burning into yours and flashing down to your own lips and his eyes are so dark MOVING ON MOVING ON

um. um. right right i have thots besides that um. RIGHT RIGHT OKAY

PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WITH XIAO

he’s also a gamer!! and he wanted to play a game w you but u weren’t familiar w it so he’s showing you how to play it now

you both started out on the couch when you asked him to show you how to do something in the game and he reached around you

but that was awkward! he’s at your side and it’s a struggle to show you at that angle, of course

so instead you moved to the floor in front of him, sitting at his feet, tilting your head back to look at him when you need help. and he gives you a little forehead kiss and a small laugh

and then he leans forward, sliding his arms over your shoulders and his hands over yours, his head by your ear, murmuring while he directs your fingers over the controls

of course you have to give your boyfriend kisses as a thank you! and they’re simple pecks and short little open-eyed kisses for the most part :)

but of course there’s one particularly hard part of the game that you’re simply very happy to have gotten past. very exciting, ur very elated, so you jump up in your victory and xiao is sat on the couch excited for you and kind of laughing, kind of proud

and you tilt his head back and bend to give him a much longer, bigger kiss with this victory

but something changes in the atmosphere and his hands slide over your hips, his teeth nip at your lip- and you nip right back, pulling away to meet dark eyes before he tugs you back with a gentle hand at your nape

and you’re stepping between his legs, one arm around your waist and his other holding your face to his, one of your hands at his shoulder to steady you, the other in his hair, tugging gently-

and suddenly you’re falling against the couch and xiao is hovering on top of you, his knee between yours and his lips pressing harder against your own, his hand playing at the hem of your shirt just to brush against the skin there and not moving past it-

his lips press hard against yours, his tongue teasing your bottom lip when he isn’t sucking hard at it, but his fingers are so light as they skate up over your shirt and over your waist, down your arm, tangling his fingers with yours-

um. anyway. um. i’m gonna. stop there. and let you imagine the rest of that as you will. um. uhum.

the hanky panky snickety doo dah ~eyebrow wiggle~

i’m not writing that. i’m thinking about it. but i’m not writing that. ahem. yes yes um okay AHEM

[i-like-turkey]

Let’s Talk About My Earlier Post

The NCIS Hawai’i finale was perfect beginning to end. Every Kacy scene delivered. The acting and writing were superb. The kiss at the end had me doing cartwheels in my apartment. I was so amped up from the Kacy reunion and their kiss, that I got less than 4 hours of sleep according to my Fitbit. That feels accurate because I spent most of the night tossing back and forth while the kiss replayed in my head.

I woke up this morning a bit groggy. Took my dog for a long walk. Had some more Kacy thoughts. Made breakfast. Had some time before I needed to work, so I fired off a quick post about those thoughts. Shortly after it went up I got a barrage of rude asks, so I deleted it. But I stand by what I wrote. Could I have phrased it better? Yes. Could I have added more context? Yes. So that’s what I’m going to do.

The post was about 1) being a fandom elder; and 2) things that trigger memories.

Let’s start with point 2.  Brains are great and strange and can do some pretty neat stuff such as associating certain things with other things. For example, when I’m out walking my dog past a freshly cut field of grass, all I need is one whiff and my brain takes me back to 8th/9th grade when I spent hours playing lacrosse on fields that smelled just like that. Those were some of the happiest days of my life. I love that smell and I love getting that memory triggered. But when I’m walking past a seafood restaurant and get a whiff of fried fish? I gag; my brain taking me back to when my entire family had some bad fried seafood and ended up puking our guts out for a week.

As for part 1, I’m old. I came of age in the days when you couldn’t have queer people on tv unless they were miserable or the butt of jokes. Things ‘improved’ as I got a bit older. Women characters on shows would be given a lady love interest for a 3-4 episode arc around sweeps. They’d share a kiss. Then the love interest would disappear and the regular character would go back to her dude loving ways. The dalliance with another woman was rarely mentioned. It was biphobic and homophobic as fuck, but it’s the best we had back then. I’d see commercials for these arcs while watching tv with my family, endure my mom making homophobic comments about them, then sneak into the living room to tape the episode using our VCR so I could watch it later. The kisses were usually kinda shit in comparison to the m/f kisses on the shows. They’d be poorly lit, shot at weird angles, and something would usually be blocking their mouths for most of the shot.

As I got a older, the rep improved just a tiny bit more. Regular characters could be queer without getting punished/mocked for it. But when they were in relationships, their treatment in comparison to m/f couples was shit. Kisses were still poorly lit, poorly blocked, and didn’t last long. Think South of Nowhere and Pretty Little Liars for this era.

The feelings I associate with this era of shitty rep are kinda bad and hard to describe. I was desperate for anything that could give me insight into the gay feelings I was having and later to just confirm that people like me existed. I would get so excited for episodes that featured f/f content but then be bummed out after watching them, because they never lived up to the hype from the commercials, the arcs ended poorly, and/or I could see the homophobic double standard at play. So disappointment? Yeah. Frustration? Yeah. But that’s not quite it and I don’t think I can pin it down further.

So I posted this:

My point here is that Kacy and Jilius and Ernie’s hookup with the lady cop character are all being treated the same. None of the kisses last long. They are all shot at wonky angles. That’s ok. This is a navy cop procedural on CBS. I don’t expect or WANT Showtime stuff for this show. I am happy. This is what good representation looks like. It’s everything my younger self would have wanted.

However, all those years of consuming bad wlw kisses has created an association in my head. So I see this:

And my brain takes me back to this:

Yes, the second example is so much worse than Kacy. But they are similar enough to trigger the association and the result is that I’m feeling what I felt back in the day and that feeling is 😐

And that kinda sucks. Past bad tv is coming back to haunt me. So I was curious to know if any of my fellow ‘olds’ were experiencing a similar thing.

I don’t think this a wrong or controversial take and it’s definitely not something meant to cause discourse. What is shitty is coming into my asks to tell me I’m “ruin[ing] it” or telling me to focus on something else. Ruining it for whom? And what gives you the right to tell me what to focus on?

Idk if those anons were people who saw my posts in the tags or people that have followed me. But if it’s the latter, y’all chill out. Read posts. Think them through. Don’t police how other people engage in media. And if you have a problem, come off anon and discuss it with me.

[freckleslikestars]

It's a touch thing but not really from the list... A slightly different take on bandaging/stitching an injury. One of them strains/pulls/partially tears a leg muscle (calf probably) and needs help being mobile /doing mundane things and recovery massage etc.

I'm so sorry this took so long Nonny! I've been fighting with it so hard. It's kinda angsty and doesn't really fill the prompt, but it was all that my brain could focus on with the prompt.

Coming Home

Set in season 10.

2380 words, read here on AO3

She’d spent a good proportion of her life running through forests in heels without any injury other than the occasional blister; had navigated gnarled tree root and wonky headstone with no serious consequence.

But an early-morning jog in running shoes was enough to have her in hospital. Such was life.

A grade two strain, a pair of crutches and a call to Mulder later and she found herself sitting in the passenger seat of his car, listening to him tell her she should be more careful; the same spiel she’d been giving him for the last twenty-something years.

The first problem they encountered was the creaky steps up to the porch.

‘My place doesn’t have any stairs,’ she commented, somewhat starchily.

‘Well, do you want to go to your place?’

She appraised the outside of what had once been their house and shook her head, a whispered ‘here’s fine,’ slipping past her lips.

Dana Scully was a graceful being, or so Mulder had always thought, but watching her struggle with her crutches up onto the first step had him revoking that idea. He removed the crutches from her grip and leant them against the bannister before picking her up bridal style and carrying her to the door, placing her down again to unlock it, before going again to pick her up. She pushed him away as much as possible without losing her balance, ‘I can walk from here.’

He’d carried her up the stairs and over the threshold the day they bought the house. Had made love on the bare hardwood floor when she kissed him barely three steps in. They’d proceeded to fuck in every room in between accepting the deliveries of various items of furniture over the week. And then fuck in each room again once it was furnished. Dana Scully, he discovered, was turned on by the concept of stability and domesticity. Surprise, surprise.

‘It needs elevating and icing,’ she broke him from his memories with a slap to the chest and a nod at her crutches at the bottom of the front steps.

‘Yeah. Yeah, okay,’ he grabbed them for her, passed them over, watched as she walked through the very same door he’d watched her walk through so many times. For the first time in a long while, it felt like coming home as he stepped through the threshold behind her.

His fiercely independent partner was rendered somewhat less independent by her injury. Just the walk to the kitchen from the sofa had her grumbling, unwilling to admit her pain but incapable of not expressing it.

She had two options with the stairs: she could shuffle up sitting down, going steadily from step to step, and feel humiliated with every muttered curse she uttered, or she could have Mulder carry her up, and hide her humiliation over his shoulder. She opted for the former.

For three days.

On the third day, she gave him a withering glare and held her arms out, too tired to care.

Showering was another challenge. With a slippery shower tray and only one leg she could put weight on, she needed at least one hand to support her against the tiled wall. Which left her only one hand to wash her hair and body.

She’d called through to him, voice cracking with his name, knowing he was sat outside their bathroom waiting for her to need help.

They’d showered together before. No need to be uncomfortable. But she left him. She loved him and she left him and the idea of him standing behind her and washing her hair like he used to after a long day at the hospital was too much. She held her breath as he stripped, focused on the chipped grouting, closed her eyes and clenched her hands in fists as his gentle fingers massaged the shampoo out of her hair and soothed conditioner into it.

She didn’t notice him reaching for her shower gel, gasped as his sudsy hands smoothed down her shoulders; carefully ran along her collarbone, fingertips grazing the tops of her breasts. ‘This okay?’ he’d asked, and she nodded, suppressing a shudder as his hands skirted back around her breasts and played patterns across her stomach.

She’d insisted on taking baths after that; whilst she still needed help getting in and out, at least she could wash herself.

He refused to let her carry her bags in and out of the office, frequently ended up with both her bag and his own as well as their morning coffees in hand as she hobbled next to him through security and into the elevator down to the basement.

The seventh night she was staying with him, as they lay in bed together – their bed – he turned to her, asked if she was awake. She would be if he kept talking. So, of course, he did. ‘I’ve been reading about strains. Recovery massages are good for increasing blood flow and speeding up healing.’

‘Ideally, they’re done soon after the injury.’

‘It will still work, you know. Roll over.’

‘And they say romance is dead,’ the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. They may have been back working together, but they were nowhere near better enough to be making jokes like that. A tense silence filled the room as they both stared up at the ceiling, unsure what to say next.

‘It doesn’t matter. It was a stupid idea anyway.’

‘No, Mulder, it wasn’t. Go on, might as well give it a go,’ she huffed, rolled over like it was a chore, though it was more just her hesitancy at feeling Mulder touching her tenderly. She shouldn’t have worried. He went in strong, clearly having the same thought in mind, and she was thoroughly grateful he got the wrong leg. ‘You’re supposed to start gently,’ she grunted, ‘to warm the muscle up.’

‘Yeah. I knew that. I just-‘

Her head was turned to the side on her pillow, her arms wrapped around it like she used to wrap them around him. ‘I know. You’re trying not to make it uncomfortable.’

‘Yeah,’ he whispered with a sigh, sitting back on his haunches.

‘It’ll be more uncomfortable if you injure me more and I have to stay longer.’

‘That would be uncomfortable for you?’ he sounded wounded and she closed her eyes, turned her face back to the pillow.

‘It wouldn’t for you?’ she shifted over onto her back, propped herself on her elbows to look at him kneeling at the foot of the bed. They’d both been prickly with one another, skirting each other’s personal space and boundaries, and it was like their year without the X files all over again, except that this time they were older and supposedly wiser and knew what they were missing. They were also both painfully aware of making mistakes and saying the wrong thing. With time comes healing, but also more wounds to reopen. ‘Mulder, if I’ve learned anything over these past twenty years, it’s that we both need our own space. And that no matter how hard we try to force ourselves together, we’re just too broken.’

‘You really believe that? That we can’t be fixed?’

‘Look at us, Mulder. You only got better when I wasn’t here to be your crutch and I-‘

‘I only got better because you said you’d come back if I did,’ he snapped, rolling up from the bed and reaching over to grab his pillow and the blanket at the end of the bed.

‘Mulder, where are you going?’ she sighed.

‘It doesn’t matter where I’m going, Scully, because apparently, you don’t care.’

She cringed, pain coiling in her chest, ‘that’s not- Mulder, please-?’ but the bedroom door was slammed shut and she was alone in their bed, once again.

One might say that sleeping on sofas was one of Mulder’s fortes. And...it was fair to say that most of his life it was self-imposed. The therapist Scully had left the number for on the fridge had suggested it was to do with his lack of self-worth, though he believed it had more to do with the fact that empty sides of the bed made him feel alone and reminded him of what he didn’t have.

Half an hour of limbs spilling over the sofa and staring at the ceiling and the thump of the crutch on the floor above had him contemplating going outside, getting in his car and driving off somewhere; anywhere. Fox Mulder: expert at running away.

But the effort needed to stand up and actually move had been sapped out of him. Hope was what kept him going, it was his main motivator in life, and Scully had just taken his.

‘Mulder?’ her voice called down from the top of the stairs, ‘Mulder, we need to talk. Please don’t make me come down?’

‘Go to bed, Scully. There’s nothing to talk about.’

‘Well, I think there is.’

He growled, stood and chucked his pillow to the floor, stormed to the bottom of the stairs, ‘no, you don’t. There’s nothing more you can say to me tonight.’

‘Mulder...’

He simply shook his head, flicked the light off and dropped down onto the sofa, turning his back to the world. After a while he heard her footsteps on the landing, the bedroom door squeaking closed. Neither of them slept that night.

She made it downstairs on her own, shuffling down clumsily. He was gone when she hobbled her way over to the sofa, the house empty. And so she set about making coffee, leaning on the countertop as it percolated.

Her good leg slipped from beneath her as reached up to grab a mug, and it was only solid arms wrapping around her that kept her upright.

‘I gotcha,’ he muttered, supporting her until he could reach out for her crutches. He stayed behind her, hands lingering on her hips as she steadied herself.

‘Mulder, about last night...’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ he shook his head, let go of her, reached up for two mugs.

‘Hey,’ she shifted around to face him, ‘it does matter. I didn’t mean to suggest that-‘

‘You did, though. Let’s just drop it: at least now we know we’re both on the same page. No future together. It’s okay, I get it.’ The coffee finished and he reached around her to retrieve it.

‘I think I should go back to my place.’

‘What?’ he stopped what he was doing, coffee pot in mid-air.

‘I’m worried you’re – we’re – building our hopes up, thinking me staying here and you looking after me will prove something, or bring us back together, and it’s not healthy.’

He shook his head, ‘no, I- I disagree-‘

‘Please, Mulder?’

A long moment passed as he stared at her, brow furrowed in consternation, before he swallowed thickly and looked away, nodded as he poured their coffees, ‘okay. I’ll drive you back later today.’

~~~

He made no effort to fight for her as she packed her bags. Didn’t plead and beg in the car. Was gracious, no silent treatment as he helped her into her bungalow, carried her bag through to her bedroom. Had given her a soft, bittersweet smile as he stood on her doorstep, told her he’d see her at work on Monday morning.

She managed two hours before getting restless.

After a week spent in his arms, around him all the time, surrounded by the familiar, warm Mulder smell of home, her house smelt wrong. Too clean. Too un-lived-in.

She missed his comforting sounds, too, as he puttered about. Humming to himself in the kitchen or tapping a pencil against the desk as he read something. And the general sounds of their creaky old house; the wonky stairs and the ticking fan and the squeaky door.

And God, did she miss the way he held her. Back when she first met him, their closeness had been instantaneous. They were like moths to a flame, planets orbiting one another. Her mom had mentioned on many an occasion that it was like their clothes were stitched together, like they couldn’t actually stray far from one another without tearing. But since coming back to the X files they’d been keeping their distance more. There was less touching. His hand didn’t automatically find its spot on her lower back. They kept further apart when reading casefiles and looking at evidence. And then suddenly she’d had a week of him carrying her up the stairs and helping her in and out of the tub and spooned up behind her in bed. She’d had a week of barely leaving his presence. Of having him just a fingertip away.

Maybe it had been too much too soon. Maybe it had just been so overwhelming. Maybe, just maybe, she was scared: not that he was going to screw it up, but that she was. By all accounts, Mulder was doing much better. He was taking his meds and talking to a therapist and doing all the things he hadn’t been doing when she left him. It was she who was not better. She who was avoiding talking to her doctor about getting her medication changed because it just wasn’t working. She who had been procrastinating rebooking the therapy session she missed two weeks ago and had been dodging the calls to do so.

It was she who could feel herself weaken around him, sink into the co-dependency they’d fostered together for so many years. And it terrified her, because if she were to let it slip, then so would he, and she was fairly certain that this time the damage would be irreparable.

But there was still that nagging question of what if? What if they didn’t slip? What if this time they caught one another?

It wasn’t until the dial tone hit her ears that she even noticed she’d picked up her cell.

Moments later, Mulder’s voice crackled through, ‘you okay? What’s wrong?’

‘Mulder?’

‘Yeah, it’s me.’

‘Can I have that massage now?’

‘You wanna come home?’ his voice was soft, tender, not wanting to push her.

She nodded, knowing he couldn’t see her but struggling to get the words past the lump in her throat, ‘yeah, please.’

‘Okay, Honey, I’m on my way.’

@today-in-fic

[dawn-of-tomorrow]

shoutout to @punishing-gray-raven-ocs for this ask game!! (didin't expect to be tagged with one so soon lolol but i'm overjoyed~~ ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡❤️❤️)

1) What made you even think of trying Punishing Gray Raven? What made you stick with it?

Funny story actually-- I've long heard about PGR, way back when it was first released even, but I just didn't give it a chance back then mainly because it was in CN and I couldn't understand shit (rather ironic given how I am now lmao).

As for why I decided fairly recently, a couple of months give or take, to give PGR a shot? It's mainly due to the fact that I heard that the Global version would be out very soon, so I thought why not dive into what I've missed so far... not knowing that I'd become THIS obsessed with the game, aha~.

The most obvious thing that made me stick to this game are the interesting cast of characters, the "fun" story, the amazing yet simple game mechanics, and etc. etc.

2) What problems, if any, do you have with PGR?

Honestly speaking, the thing that most VEXES me at the moment about PGR, specifically PGR Global, is the wonky translations. It feels like a group of half-assed fan translators and one official translator who's not doing a good enough job with reigning everyone in instead of feeling like a group of professional translators who know what they're doing. Hell, I've seen better translations from some of my twitter mutuals!

3) Who is your favorite Construct, and why?

Lee. There's no question about it, Lee is my most favorite Construct at the moment (and forever perhaps ohoho~). As for why, god, hold that mic for a bit, I'm gonna go on a fucking rant. Ehem.

First of all, let's start with the most basic of things, like his appearances; As Palefire, he looks like this suave, very aloof, super serious, unapproachable, and "gets shit done efficiently" type of person, and while that description certainly isn't wrong, it's also hiding more layers of Lee's overall personality; as Entropy, he certainly looks and feels bit more casual than before, along with feeling somewhat more, even if a tiny bit, more honest with his feelings and easier to approach than before.

Despite being a serious, no-nonsense, grumpy guy, he's prone to occasionally quip and snark at anyone at their own expense especially if they get on his nerves (see his interactions with Kamui, not even the Commandant is spared from this!). He's also not as cold and distant as he may come across, given that, early on, he quite literally jumps in front of Liv to take a hit that was meant for her with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever, he's almost always the first person to make comments on the Commandant's state as well as express his undiluted feelings (though not without hiding it on occasion behind anger/annoyance, thus making it a case of "anger born from worry").

You can also easily tell if you pay close enough attention to his dialogue and actions that he's not good with expressing his true feelings even to the people he cares about (thankfully Murray, Skk, Lucia, Liv, Kamui, etc. can usually pick up on what he really wants to say), is the type to often be misunderstood due to him being the kind of person who believes in "actions speak louder than words", that he's used to taking care of others instead of prioritizing himself even to his own detriment; while making it clear that he prefers to think and act in a logical and practical manner, he's not exempt to having emotions/feelings, as such, he can be pretty empathetic towards other people even if he doesn't look like it (he's even the first one in the Gray Raven squad to point out WHY EXACTLY the people they come across in Echo Aria refuse to leave their homes even with high risk of the Red Tide washing everything away, and fully understanding as well as getting it).

Alrighty I'm gonna cut that segment short now before this becomes too long for anyone to read through, ehe~!

4) What made you think of designing PGR OCs, instead of making yourself into a self-insert?

.... Actually, truth be told, both of my Skks are, in some way, self-inserts~. It's just that they start out as one before eventually developing into their own characters with only hints/traces of their self-insert origin. Though my Construct OCs are definitely not self-inserts, that much I can certainly say so!

I made them mainly because I really enjoyed the official cast so much I wanted to make characters that would get to interact with them somehow, though I take great care in making sure they aren't TOO out of character with how they're canonically portrayed.

5) What's your thought process behind creating your OCs?

Honestly, it usually starts of something like this--

"lol wouldn't it be funny if I made this type of character? Oooh, what if they interacted with this character? Or this character? Or that character? Let's see, what's missing... Backstory and profile, check. Appearance, I'll sketch one in a bit. Hmmm... I know! *drowns the OC in mountains load of angst*"

6) What's your favorite chapter from the main story?

If I'm limited to talking only about the main chapters currently released on Global then it would have to be Fallen Star, mainly because it's Watanabe's time to shine~. (*´∀｀*)

However, if we were to look at the overall chapters, then, I would have to say Imprisoned Sight.

7) What do you think of the new Liv shown in the latest stream? Where do you think the story is going with her? What do you think happened to Gray Raven?

With Liv, I have a really bad and somber feeling about what Kuro Game has in store for her, given how she looks almost complete different than what she's looked so far, as well as the vibe her new look gives off.

Fuck, I wouldn't be surprised if they decided to thanos snap her memories away as well like they did with Lucia, or worse, infect her with the Punishing and turn her into an actual enemy (for a while before we get her back).

As for Gray Raven, considering what happened at the end of Evernight Beat, wherein the Skk is in a fucking coma with a chunk of the Mother Structure lodged in their abdomen, while Lee and Lucia are in repairs along with Liv, and, if I recall correctly, the Merciful One managed to reach Babylonia and is now onboard the space station as well-- I have a feeling that the despairing Liv will be approached by her and be given a new frame.

8) Have you seen the animated shorts? What do you think of them?

If you're talking about the Panini anime then yes, I've watched them already! Still ripping my insides open from laughter everytime I watch them lol. Favorite episode has got to be the toilet episode, next to that would be the episode where Chrome takes Kamui to Karenina and Liv for training.

9) So do Constructs eat or not? (I'm really confused, especially since I saw Karenina sipping a drink in one of the shorts)

Oh they most certainly can! Fuck, it's even explicitly stated that Camu likes to eat and sample foods whenever he can (revealed in his secrets, as well as his affection stories).

As Camu explains, while they don't get nutrients from human food, they most certainly can still enjoy them and use them as a type of fuel.

10) Do you think Kamui and/or Camu will be a really pivotal plot device at some point, considering how the information on Kamui is so top secret?

Hmmmm.... unless the story at that point is revolving around Kurono Ops and how shady they're being, then personally speaking, the chances are slim.

11) Do you think, at any point, any of the Gray Ravens will die off?

Naaaaaah. They won't do that. Sure, they TECHNICALLY killed off Lucia, but she's still "alive" in a sense, so it both counts and doesn't count.

Besides, sometimes death isn't the worse thing you can inflict on someone/a character~.

12) Who is your least favorite Construct, and why?

I don't really hate/dislike any of the Constructs if I'm being honest. Though I hate how shitty of a unit Sophia is, and that it's kinda pitiful that she's become even more useless now that the new S-Liv is here; but I am in no way saying you should stop using her, keep using Sophia if you really like her! It's your choice after all, and I'm not about to contest you on that part, after all, everyone's enjoyment is subjective.

13) What part of PGR's lore really holds your attention?

The part of the lore that really holds my attention are the characters, and seeing how they react and act to the situations happening to and around them, especially concerning the Punishing and forces out of their control~.

[hajimine]

LEX’S 2020 APPRECIATION POST PT. II !

— to the lovely moots & followers who i talk to quite often (or pretty much everyday), this one’s for you.

thank u for being in my life, you made my 2020 so so much better. i’m so grateful october lex decided to make a tumblr acc 🥲

i’ll try my best to keep it kinda short 🥲👍

in alphabetical order:

@4fterh0urs — my omega phoebe 😩‼️ ily so much bc you’re both extremely stupid n extremely smart at the same time. u mean so much to me and i love talking to u even if u call me such weird as nicknames every damn day 😃 you’re so sexy n hella intimidating smfh idk how i was able to make u my bitch (JK PLS DONT KILL MEE) anyways, thanks for being a real one bae + you’re the person i block the most, so you’re special ig 😹👍 ily you’re actually such a sap but u pretend to be all tough heh <33

@archivednikes — my solar system, my wh*re (lovingly) hi bae 😣 ok yk how much i love u but. im gonna tell u again: ILYSM!! OKAY??? please know that you’re such an amazing human being and you’re SO incredibly talented. god i love u so much please take care of yourself baby, you’re always so kind to other people and i hope you can do the same to yourself. once again, i am so fucking glad you decided to slide into my inbox that day, because now i look forward to talking to you every single morning. insert grabby hands ilysm <33

@boosyboo9206 — onyx hi babes! i’m so so grateful for you omg u dont even know it. you always manage to cheer me up with your antics and you’re always here to support me 🥺 whenever i’m down you somehow aways manage to make me feel a lil better. i love talking to u whether it’s about sth as mundane as the weather or even your obsession with the word peepers. thank you for being you, please take care of yourself and stop sleeping so damn late. ilysm <33

@ch4jime — chloe bae!! 😁 hi omg ilysm you’re so cute and cool and nice urghh thanks for always checking up on me! i love love seeing you in my asks, you’re such a lovely person to be around. i seriously need to be better at dropping in other people’s inbox, so just know that i’ll work on hanging out on your blog more often this year bc ily! i wish u all the best and please never stop being you baby mwah <33

@fairyoomi — hi bae 😣😣 how are u?? i know we don’t talk much anymore, and that’s okie, but i still wanna write u this lil note because i’m so thankful i met you here on tumblr. you’re an amazing writer and u were so sweet to me even when i was a teeny blog who didn’t know anyone. i admire u a lot, yknow? thanks for being such a friendly and welcoming person, ily <33

@gu3to — mochi bestieo 🙀 idk if you’ll even see this smh so i’m just gonna text u after this (if i don’t forget to rip) okay so. hello?! you’re so mf cool and you’re a trendsetter 🤩 yes yes im fueling your god complex it’s bc ily smh. you’re so dumb i wanna choke u sometimes but i won’t bc i’m also just as dumb 😁 pls stop disappearing from the face of the Earth okay ilysm you always keep it real and i know i can always count on u to listen to uh... my shit. okay so when are we gonna make out? 🤨 oki bye <33

@hoekageyama — wifey!! maddie baby urghh yk how much i love you, you’re one of my earliest moots im pretty sure? and aaaaa i’m so so glad i decided to be weird as hell and slide into your asks that day (pancreas. sighs. iconic.) you’re my numero uno whenever i wanna bark about hot 2d boys and what i’d let em do to me coughs err yea hehe. please take care of yourself baby you’re such a sweet and kind and loving person and i’m so glad to have you in my life. smh we text each other lovey dovey texts anyway but i still wanna do this for u 😋 ilysm!!! <33

@honeyskawa — lani baby hi! i know you haven’t been super active lately, but i just wanna tell u that i appreciate u so so much!! you honestly made my goddamn week when u sent me that ask about how i inspired you bc what the heck?? never in my life have i expected to have such an impact on someone. you’re a wonderful writer honestly. i love u so much and i hope everything’s going well baby, i’m excited talk to u more whenever you decide to be active on tumblr again <33

@jougogo — kaybae hi!!! you haven’t been on tumblr much lately but hi sexc it’s me lex lol i’ve moved accs hehe 😎 i hope u see this whenever u get your phone back cries. you’re such an amazing person to be around, always so cheerful and friendly, you exude so much positive vibes and ilysm. you always manage to lift up the mood with your sexc self and i admire u for that. you’re so incredibly chaotic and fun to be around ahrgehxhh i appreciate u sm and i hope you’re taking care of yourself bby ily <33

@kemochie — my waluigi, my favorite f*rry, hi 😝 urghhh god we just started talking everyday pretty recently but god. you’re so funny??? and i love bullying u bc u give me so much material to bully u with (ok jkjk i love u that’s why i bully u smh) also, you’re so incredibly supportive and u were actually the one who pushed me to finally post that atsumu fic, even tho stupid me accidentally deleted it LMAOBSBD anw, u bring sm joy in my life, so thank u for that. we’re a small lil filf and you’re the milf to my dilf LMAO ilysm mwah!! <33

@kenmaki — gabbae! virgo bestie!! hi hi !! you’re such a talented person and you’re an amazing writer, and i hope one day u can get past your insecurities and see yourself as the wonderful person u truly are. i love how we were able to relate to each from how similar virgos think + our initial conversation of dick measurements and such will forever be seared into my memory. and congrats on getting a daily railing on the dash HSBDH i don’t look at em i promise lol 🤩🤩 jdbdhdh ilysm bby <33

@miyams — ren sweet babie hi! you’re so incredibly talented please don’t listen to stupid hate anons. i’ll stab them with a serrated knife if i have to 😠🔪 you’re so flippin cute and sweet i love talking to you, and i love love love whenever u come by my inbox to say hi. i hope we can talk even more in 2021, my dms and asks are always open for u bby (even though i suck at replying right away, sorry abt that huhu) i love u sm baby please take care of yourself <33

@miyasangel — ardie bae 😜 hi sexc!! i still cant believe we talk like everyday now lmaoo i used to think you’re so freaking cool (i still do) and now i’m friends w u whattaheck 🥲 you’re such an amazing writer wtf. i hate that we had to start our friendship on such a sour note (ehem discord ehem) but i’m really glad it brought us closer together. ily cockarden i’ll be sure to bully u even more HAHAGS IM JK makes out w u so hard bc you’re so damn hot ily 😣‼️ <33

@owlywrites — owly baby hello! ily so so much and you’re so talented, you deserve so much recognition. i hope i can read more of your fics soon bc they’re so well written ugh 😣 thanks for always checking up on me and always being so incredibly sweet. i love u so so muchhh huhu i wanna give u the biggest hug in the world :( please take care of yourself and never stop being your genuine self kith kith <33

@rilacry — milfy gorlillola 😜😜‼️ hi sexc. omfg i was so intimidated by u wtf (and i still kinda am smh) bc you’re so cool?? and your writing n carrd making skills are amazing as hell wtf. u just exude BDE bc you’re hella hot AND bc u wanna peg everyone. anyways,, i’m glad we got closer recently, even if it was out of really wack circumstances. ily bae pls stop sticking your memojis everywhere mwah <33

@rintaroll — my kue tete ☹️☹️ ilysm smh bye i can’t believe we’re close now wtf you’ve always been so cool and sexc 😩‼️ oh god i rmb when u were still on your old acc and u seemed so out of reach and i was a lil intimidated ANDBDJD SHHH but yea now ik you’re just a big h word dork and i love u for that 😣 i wish u all the best for your singing career bby you’re such a talented writer AND singer wtf. also you’re so pretty???? wtf how rude 😠 JKJK HAHHSBD ilysm kithes u so hard <33

@tetsoleil — geegee!! hi baby 😣 thanks for being such a sweet human being ily! it’s been a while since we actually talked yeah? but i still want u to know that i love u a lot and i appreciate u so much. i’m so so grateful you’re in my life because you’re such a joy to be around. you’re an amazing writer bby and i hope you get the recognition u deserve. i’m always here for u if u need anything. ilysm bby <33

@velvetfireworks — rachie bae 🤩 my bakso goreng, my golden kiwi!!! ily!! hehe im so glad i decided to slide in your dms when u asked me if i was indo. but ahhhh you’re ao sweet and cute and supportive ilysm. an amaaazing writer and i admire your work so much, but i think you’ve heard me say that multiple times before. i’m so glad we became closer recently through our love for greasy food and wonky lil faces 👁💋👁 kith kith ilysm <33

@yato-o — yato baby hi!! urgh honestly i appreciate u so so much?? i feel so lucky to be able to get to know you. i don’t even remember how we met but ahhh thank u for always stopping by and have a chat with me even though i know you’re a busy person. please take care of yourself and get some rest whenever u need to! don’t feel pressured to come on here if you’re tired baby, im so grateful to have u in my life, i luv youu <33

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU SEXY BAES!

kisses, lex

[trashcatsnark]

Hard agree on you about CDPR's characterization of Johnny. It's not only that he doesn't show up as often as he should, and that his lines are a bit wonky sometimes (side gigs mostly), but they also kinda made him more of an asshole than he actually is? Like, they made Rogue say that he cheated on her. Three times. That is not in the actual lore. Why did they add that??? In the actual story they even share a sweet moment with him saying she's the best and calling her by her actual name.

Part 2 For Context: Another thing to add to my post, TTRPG Johnny also buys entire warehouses and converts them into living spaces for homeless artists and such. He does free concerts to expose NCPD brutality. The guy even felt bad in 2013, when he made the people rally against Arasaka bc he didn't want any of them to die. Like, he's a shit, but he's actually a very decent man too. I guess 2077 Johnny is just an engram and not the real one, but still, could've done better with his writing.

I'm trying to think carefully of how I wanna word this. Because I know when discussing problematic character behaviors, its a slippery slope at times. So, I wanna preface by saying, I am by no means justifying his actions by any means.

However, my issues with his characterization have less to do with me wanting him to be nicer and/or closer to his TTRPG counterpart. I'm not someone who was heavy into the TTRPG, I never played, I've just done some cursory research into it out of curiosity after playing the video game. Mostly out of curiousity of what still could or would fit into the video game. I've talked a bit of how I think the Silverhand Studio warehouses could fit as a project he tried when he was younger that failed. And I could easily see the police brutality awareness concerts still being something samurai did, cause Johnny in cyberpunk 2077 still cares about and is passionate about those issues; but he's a giant fucking asshole disaster who treats people like shit. At least thats how I see him.

And like, again, not justifying his actions but from a character and narrative standpoint. I like the decision to make him an asshole. Because to me, personally, his growth and redemption is the best part of the game. Like, obviously I love a lot of other things in the game and it has value beyond that. But to me his redemption and changing is so critical to the plot. That if he was just good guy johnny who is still good guy johnny by the end, it would take a lot away from the game to me. Which may or may not be fucked up that I prefer an asshole who becomes nicer than nice man who stays nice. But a journey is more interesting than a sit, ya know?

But my issues are generally; at times inconsistencies, consequences for his assholery, and just wish we saw more.

Ive talked somewhat about how he can be inconsistent in his development between main quests and side quests. He can be very erratic, which that also is probably just part of his character rather than an inconsistency. But those things can make it hard to understand him and can feel odd. But that also can just come from sidemissions being mostly nonlinear. In my ideal world where cdpr gave themselves more time; i would have liked if side quest/gig dialogue changed based on Johnny and V's relationship, the same way it does in the quests with kerry and in the endings/embers. Like if he do a gig with 0 affection, he may not show up or be a dick. But if you do that same gig with 70% he for sure shows and is more concerned for V. Like just that little level of consistency. Which i know it'd require more time and getting keanu back in the booth but, it'd have been nice.

Ive talked at length before about how I wish Johnny faced some more consequences for being a dickhead, so I wont bore anyone with more of that.

As far as the Rogue stuff you mentioned, that kind of goes into my issue of wishing we'd seen more. Cause V is suppose to have Johnny's memories lurking around their skull but we only see 2 memories??? Rogue says at the date: "lets go back in time before i knew what a bastard you were" there was a time when he was at least on some level decent. I refuse to believe he managed to convince Rogue and Alt to date him, being an asshole out the gate. There had to have been softer moments. But we the player dont get to see them. We only see the worst of Johnny in the past, despite supposedly having all his memories as V.

Like Johnny who cheated on Rogue and the Johnny who was soft with her and called her by her real name: very much can be the same guy and both having happened. Johnny getting attached and that scaring him so be does dumb shit and destroys everything. Johnny having genuine feelings but being unwilling to embrace them fully. Johnny giving breadcrumbs of affection to keep people around then snapping and doing something devastating when he worries they've gotten too close. Then regret it and give another breadcrumb of affection because he does feel that affection, he cares, but hes fucked in the head. Intentionally or not, stringing the people who care about him along. He's whiplash and a whirlwind. And that all makes sense and fits his in video game character to me, because hes meant to be a toxic asshole who really does care but has to get his shit together big time. But we dont see the nicer moments enough, we dont see what drew Rogue, Kerry, and Alt into his life. We dont see enough of those moments in my opinion. The closest is, when alt dies, if you choose the nice goodbye to kerry, and the way he tried to smooth things over with alt in the alley way before she was kidnapped, oh and the little hand hold. You get really brief moments but you mostly just see the assholery. It would have been nice to see how he met the people who mattered to him, seen more of his good, more of that charisma he claimed to have. In general, I would have liked more exploration of his character and his relationships