#m.t.🪞

[celustine]

how it feels to listen to government hooker by lady gaga on loop and then get it stuck in your head for a week

[celustine]

yayyyyy ok nsfw, body horror, eye trauma, some implications of abuse, and rambling under the cut. and warning; my canon was dark (i'm 100% over it but i feel like i should warn for it just in case)

alternates are basically meant to be obedient machines, like a demonic version of angels; they are not meant to have freewill, only to serve "gabriel". i'm not gonna go into details, but basically if they deviate from that, they get punished SEVERELY and with no mercy until they "correct" themselves. so pretty much every alternate from my canon was 1. fucked up and traumatized to some degree and 2. probably wouldn't be doing half the shit they were doing if they had an actual choice in the matter lol.

which means if an alternate feels attraction towards someone/something, it does NOT know how to handle that shit! most of them either aren't going to consider a human's feelings and just do whatever they want, or believe violence and fear are normal and valid expressions of love. they're also most likely hungry and desperate for a meal. alternates feed off of emotions and since most of the time a human's first reaction to an alternate is fear, once they get a taste of it they'll try to amplify that emotion as possible to sate their hunger. alternates can feed off of other emotions/feelings though, most of them just never realize that.

in my memories, i diverged heavily from what an alternate was "supposed to be" bc i was disabled by alternate standards, and had to rely on another alternate to do basically anything. one of my eyes would rotate in its socket so half of my vision was the world upside down. very disorienting! i was also emotionally unstable and it affected my ability to pass as human; i would have random laughing fits and my limbs would spasm if i got overwhelmed.

there were also 2 alternates copying cesar in my canon; myself, and my partner who is headmates with me now<3 it was the one who took care of me and kept me grounded to reality. when we first met it didn't like me because it viewed me as "weak" but it got attached and the rest is history. it's my pookie bear and my princess mwah mwah (it's biting me). which is another "abnormality"; alternates teaming up isn't very common. sure, alternates might hunt as a pack but the alliance is disbanded the moment the hunt's over. we stayed together for wayyy longer than normal, and essentially became like two pair-bonded cats. 'do not separate' Or Else. it also had trouble adding affect to its tone, so i would help it sound more "human". in the og vol 1 call, it's the one that speaks from 3:00-3:50, and i start talking around 3:50 after we realized mark wasn't 100% convinced. the reason the call glitched out at 4:09 is because i had a laughing fit when i asked mark to check the back hallway, and my partner had to take the phone from me and finish the call.

remember how i said most alternates don't know how to handle attraction to a human? well i got absolutely OBSESSED with mark during that 3 day period and genuinely wanted him to live by the end of it. i viewed him as a christ-like figure that could "save" us somehow, idk. unfortunately i was very bad at keeping him alive. womp womp. i can't remember his death but we're both pretty sure he died the same way source mark did. all this time later and i'm still obsessed with him oops.

i don't remember much else other than that but i do have a VERY funny memory of randomly getting aroused (i may have been thinking about mark. perhaps) while i was invisible in the torres house and not knowing how to jack off. imagine the world's most sopping wet pathetic shadow creature wearing human skin trying to figure out how to get a 2 ft cock out of its sheath while shuffling awkwardly around trying to find an empty room and hoping it doesn't suddenly become visible to the human eye because cesar and his mom were RIGHT THERE having dinner. it was so embarrassing in the moment but it still makes me giggle.

[celustine]

taglist

for accessibility: content warnings: usually i tag things like "#cw [trigger]" but i would also blacklist "#[trigger] cw" bc i forget my own tagging system sometimes. #cw gif: any gif that i think may trigger a photosensitive disorder #cw blinking: for gifs that have blinking text or borders, but do not take up much of the screen. #cw flashing: anything that takes up a significant area of the screen with flashing images or strobe effects. #cw eyestrain: anything with bright, neon, contrasting colors. #not screenreader safe: anything with excessive emojis, repetitive text, or special formatting. please note i am very forgetful, and i'm not 100% sure what things on my blog might need these tags. feel free to shoot me an ask if you think a post needs to be tagged. categorization: #aes: aesthetic #alterhuman⎇: anything to do with alterhumanity, especially fictionkind and otherkind #hornyposting: us being horny, whether nsft or not #nsft⿻: anything nsft #nsft text⿻: nsft text #nsft image⿻: nsft art, gifs, images, etc. #suggestive: not full blown nsft, but i still wouldn't want my boss to see it. #suggestive text: suggestive text, writing, etc. #suggestive image: suggestive art, gifs, etc. #made by us: anything made by us #others art: any art that isn't ours #others writing: any writing that isn't ours #discouse💿: i recommend blocking this if you don't wanna hear us yap about shit we're mad about lol kinks: #aphrodisiacs&drugging💉: aphrodisiacs, drugs, sex pollen, etc. #bioluminescense💡: anything to do with bioluminescense, also used as an aesthetic tag. #bondage⛓️: bondage #bred💘: breeding/breeding kink #creams&pies🥧: creampie, copious amounts of cum, any cum really. #dehumanization🩻: loss of humanity, dehumanization, etc. #experimentation🧪: experiments, non-con bodymod, etc. #gunplay⌖: gunplay #heat&rut🔥: heat, rut, a/b/o dynamics. #monstrous👁️‍🗨️: monsterfucking, monster loving, etc. #noncon&dubcon💔: noncon, dubcon, and cnc. #ovi🥚: egg preg, egg laying, and oviposition #preg🎁: standard human/mammalian pregnancy #somno💤: somnophilia (usually noncon) #stalking&obsession💭: stalking, obsession, yandere, etc. #tentacles&tongues🪱: tentacles, tongues, and any prehensile limbs. #transformation🧬: transformation, body horror -#tf: tf and transformation sequences #toys🪀: sex toys, gear, etc. #vore🐍: vore, mouthplay. misc: #undescribed⬛: either i can't think of a category or want to add one later. #m.h.📖: anything that reminds us of mark. #v.t.🥀: Anything that reminds us of Valentine. #m.t.🪞: anything that reminds us of mors #mc🔴: anything related to our source #altlings🪺: anything that reminds me of baby alternates #-valentine: any original posts made by valentine #-mortimer: any original posts made by mortimer #-mark: any original posts made by mark #nameless howls: any original text posts, signed or not aesthetics: #red🩸: anything red #black♟️: anything black #lovesick❥: anything romance themed #gore&blood🫀: gore, blood, wounds, etc. #analog📼: Anything to do with analog technology. #roses🌹: anything with roses #worship💒: anything related to catholic imagery web graphics: #web graphics📺 #blinkies🚨 #userboxes📦 #banners🚩 #dividers➗ #stamps🏷️ #buttons🛎️ #pixels✨ #tiles🪟: repeating backgrounds/web tiles #transparent🫥: images with transparent backgrounds

more to come, i'll update it as i go.