#m: chen yuzhi

[stayuntilthefoglifts]

"You know the ship is good when they both need therapy" at its finest.

[tytangfei]

You bully me too much. Bully you too much? You can jump out. A gentleman doesn't make things difficult for others. I'm not a gentleman.

Killer and Healer (2021)

[nineninepetals]

If you want to know if you like him or not, you have to walk closer to him. Then, try touching him. After you touch him, if you feel your heart beating faster than usual, that's what's called love.

[in sp. Thame-Po: Heart That Skips a Beat 2024]

[lunarriviera]

starting to sense a theme here

[luxhesperus]

when i tell you i let out the most inhuman noise 😭

[gabrielokun]

[noraigo]

can we please talk about jiang yuelou and chen yuzhi?

if you told me a couple of months ago that i wouldn't get over a series about a hot-tempered policeman and a gentle doctor, i wouldn't have believed you. however, here i am and i cannot fathom the fact that this series is so underrated. the chemistry, the whole plot, the characters: chen yuzhi, jiang yuelou, chu ran, yu tangchun, among many others, are so well-built and i think that just for this, it deserves more recognition.

BUT, i’m solely here to talk about these two. can we appreciate how beautiful their relationship is? i am aware that they fall under the bromance trope, but you cannot convince me they are merely close friends, not when the whole series is based on a bl novel. although they start off a bit hostile (i know, i know), the evident infatuation jiang yuelou develops towards chen yuzhi and vice versa is so romantic. he finds everything the doctor does endearing, from his quiet surprises to the way he’s always trying to help him psychologically. yuelou suffers emotionally due to his bipolar disorder, with violent outbursts and unstability that makes him throughout the series, you get to know that yuelou is not the kind of person to seek help, that he would rather confront everything by himself than ask guidance. yet, somehow — he always comes to yuzhi when he’s uneasy or confused. it’s not a secret in the police bureau either, song rong and sun yongren (the most loyal characters i’ve seen in a series, i have to say) are pretty much aware of his liking towards yuzhi’s company. even jin dacheng himself insinuated that both of them didn’t have an innocent relationship at all.

the hugs, the touches, THE LOOKS! oh my goodness, their stares were the death of me. i am the kind of person who never skips initial and final credits, so i was very eager to know the hospital scene that happens at the very end of the credits, because i was sure it would become my favourite. i was right and i won’t forget the feeling i was experiencing: the look of relief on yuelou to see yuzhi alive before his eyes, but being on the verge of tears because he knew yuzhi almost didn’t make it? it's a mixture between guilt, relief and love, all in one. absolutely delightful. it’s a repetitive pattern though: yuzhi gets in trouble, yuelou goes crazy and once he’s safe in his arms again, it’s like a part of yuelou’s soul is being reassured that the most important person in his life is alive, safe and sound. because, oh my… in the novel, yuelou considers the doctor his zhī jǐ: a person who understands him deeply no matter what, similar to a soulmate. thanks to an user on tumblr and their translations, i could get to know that, in the audiodrama, yuelou’s feels go beyond platonic. “you’re more significant than friends. people touch you, it’s the same thing as them going after my life.” THIS IS SO RAW AND EMOTIONAL, I’M GOING TO FAINT. the fact that even when yuelou and yuzhi were in danger, as zhan junbai was watching them over, yuelou straight up says: (on my own words, as my memory has been failing me lately)

“is there something between us that can’t be said? we're of the same mind.” i’m so... give me a minute, please *inaudible screams and screeches*

one thing i noticed a lot while watching the series is the fact yuzhi is a very gentle, soft-spoken and intelligent character, which already makes him likable (oh, i LOVE kind-hearted characters) but when you see him through yuelou’s pov — slow motioned movements, timid dimpled smiles, a person whose demeanour is described as pure even — he becomes even more lovable and that’s how yuelou sees yuzhi. how crazy in love yuelou must be to stare at yuzhi while doing mundane things, such as having dinner together? absolutely not focusing on the plate underneath him. instead, grinning with doe eyes as he watches yuzhi looking at the snowy night. ROMANTICISM ON ITS PEAK.

however, for me, the most special thing is to see yuzhi reassuring yuelou by holding his hand so dearly, by hugging him out of relief to see him alive too, by cradling his hand on yuelou’s cheek to brush his tears away. THE ENDING, I CAN’T CONTINUE MY LIFE AND PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED.

yuzhi is slowly passing away on the other’s arms. yuzhi always wants to be near him and it gets highlighted in his final words, he was too wishing to eat tang yuan with now commissioner jiang yuelou. even on death, he’s under the snow with him. even on death, yuelou’s fondest memories are with chen yuzhi, for he keeps their photo together close to his heart despite grieving his absence and having to take care of yuzhi’s little sister. yuelou simply sits on his home all alone, with the emptiest eyes which once had the entire galaxy shared with yuzhi. not moving, not doing anything. i felt like i was mourning with yuelou, i will never forget how he quietly lays down beside yuzhi’s body while crying his heart out when he realized the inevitable.

WHY? WHY IS THE ANGST SO BRILLIANT WITH THEM? THE LONGING, THE YEARNING, THE LOVE. i’m afraid i won’t enjoy anything that doesn’t remind me of them. there was a before and an after in me, it literally reseted my entire smooth brain.

everyone, go watch killer and healer. 37 episodes are definitely worth the time!

just look at them, i will respectfully combust.

[friendlynbhddevil]

So, story time!

When I started watching Killer and Healer, I was (still am) in love with the song that used to play at the end of each episode. Even after I had finished watching the entire show, the song stuck with me. So, I used to listen to it almost on a daily basis while going to and coming back from school.

This was back in 2021. Basically when Spotify served the very purpose of its existence.

I remember being sad when I couldn't find it there. But, thanks to a very kind uploader on YouTube (they included the translated lyrics too, bless them), my moping didn't last long.

Fast forward to today, I found myself listening to the songs posted on the tag game posts. Among these was the title track of the show's OST.

Out of habit, I scrolled through playlists with the title Killer and Healer on Spotify before my search was finally over.

I don't know why I'm writing this. However, what I do feel is a whole ton of gratitude for the existence of fandoms. My heart is happy :>

So thank youuu 😭😭 (Thank you so much @killerandhealerqueen)

Here's the link if anyone wants to give it a listen:

And here's the video:

[a-single-log-bridge]

Jiang Yuelou : Okay- i- uh need t-to tell you something

Chen Yuzhi : You're finally proposing

Jiang Yuelou: How did you know?

Chen Yuzhi : You've dropped the ring three times during dinner today

Chen Yuzhi : I even picked it up once

[bl-is-totes-my-jam]

A gift for my friend @killerandhealerqueen

Chu Ran, We love you. But you need to get in your head that Jiang Yuelou is Chen Yuzhi-Sexual!

[asifiamgoingto]

Hello fellow Killer and Healer fans 📢 . Please help 🙏🏻 😭. I joined Tumblr just to resolve this mystery .

Have you ever seen full episodes before they were censored? To my memory, when the drama was just coming out, there were two waves of censorship. Like the first wave right before it was put on screen, with the scenes cut out which are now impossible to find, and only like a couple exist on YouTube (without the channel logo, and creepy sound, no overlay). And then there was the second wave where scenes were included initially in episodes and they were cut out only later and re-uploaded by the MV channel. Like all of the three scenes between Yu and Zhan with the feeding and razoring (with good sound and logo). Those are on YouTube even with the MV Channel logo. Why all of these questions? Because...

I initially watched the drama when it just came out and in my memory I saw these episodes with cutscenes included. And now I rewatched it this week, and I knew for a fact some scenes were missing and I was able to find some of them on YouTube but not all. Like, there is one scene in particular which I'm 50% sure it was in episode 29 where some guy was hitting on Chen in the opera house. He put his hand on Chan's knee and said something along the lines of "if you ever need some help, come look for me". But I can't for the life of me find it. It's bugging me so much 😳. Have you ever seen it ?

Does anyone know where to find full videos before they were censored the second time?

[stayuntilthefoglifts]

They could and they would

[killerandhealerqueen]

Hi! What about the au in which Bai Jinbo did tell Chen Yuzhi his son's plan? How will events go in the future? Chen Yuzhi will have to use all his acting skills so that the triad does not suspect anything. Will Yuzhi understand Jian Yuelou's signs for the doctor to leave? And how will Yuelou feel when he finds out that his doctor was aware of the plan? Commissioner Bai, after talking with his son and his unwillingness to let the doctor know about the plan to introduce him into the gang, says to himself: "Yuelou, of course I appreciate and understand you, but here you are wrong. And knowing your instinct for self-preservation, you will have problems. And your boyfriend finds out about the plan, and then he'll give you a thrashing. Only he can stop you if anything happens."

I am incredibly sorry that you've had to wait so long for this...but I wanted to make sure that I had the scene right first before I wrote this. I hope you enjoy this, my darling, and again, I am so sorry for the wait

As Jiang Yuelou sat before Bai Jinbo in his office, Bai Jinbo shook his head, anger in his eyes as he pointed at him

“You’re going too far.  I don’t agree”

Jiang Yuelou looked at him before he sighed softly

“There’s no better choice.  Mother kept reminding me to be careful of San Ye before she died.  But until now, we don’t have any valuable clues about San Ye”

Bai Jinbo looked at him with wide eyes before he motioned to him

“Then continue the investigation!  There must be a way!”

Jiang Yuelou sighed

“They’re in the dark while we’re exposed.  If there’s one fake San Ye, then there may be two or three.  The real San Ye is always hidden in the background and staring at us all the time.  And our every move is within his sight.  Such investigation will not work”

Bai Jinbo shook his head

“But your plan…it’s too risky”

“It’s better than being a sitting duck”

Bai Jinbo looked at him before he sighed

“Do you think how sure you are?”

Jiang Yuelou was quiet before he sighed

“Fifty percent.  We win or we perish”

Bai Jinbo was quiet before he looked at him

“When will you be ready to act?”

“The best time is tonight.  San Ye is keeping an eye on me.  He should know I have some problems with my emotion.  Today I suffer the pain of loss and regret and go bananas and can’t be better if I find someone for revenge”

Bai Jinbo made a face

“What do you want me to do?”

“Arrange for Yang Jing’s family to leave Jing City at night, have them change their names, and instruct them to never come back.  In addition, find some corpses to fake a crime scene”

Bai Jinbo looked at him

“What about Chen Yuzhi?  Do you want me to keep it from him?”

Jiang Yuelou nodded

“Yes.  In this situation, he will be in danger if he gets close to me.  Only you and I can know about this plan.  You can guide him to think of that regulation.  He will certainly ask Chu Ran for help to build up public opinion”

Bai Jinbo growled

“Yes, and then you’ll go to that mental hospital and be together with a bunch of lunatics!”

Jiang Yuelou smiled slightly

“I’m a mental patient myself.  Am I afraid of other lunatics?”

Bai Jinbo hummed before his eyes widened and he looked at him

“What if San Ye doesn’t get someone to subvert you but to assassinate you?”

Jiang Yuelou shook his head

“That won’t happen.  Try to stand in my shoes.  If he finds that I’m standing on the opposite side of you and can become a pawn that can be used, he will surely try his best to drawn me over”

Bai Jinbo made a face

“How long do you think it would take for them to send someone over?”

Jiang Yuelou sighed

“San Ye has always been cautious in what he does.  I think it’ll take him at least one week to observe”

“A week?  You’ll have a hard week!”

Jiang Yuelou smiled slightly

“As long as we can win.  This week, not only will the people in the mental hospital watch me in secret, but also other people will be sent to see if I really am a lunatic”

Bai Jinbo frowned

“Other people?”

He then looked over at him

“Chen Yuzhi?”

Jiang Yuelou nodded

“Most likely.  Besides, it might be Chu Ran or Zhao Moqing”

Bai Jinbo frowned

“Chu Ran is a friend of yours.  It makes sense but, Zhao Moqing?”

Jiang Yuelou sighed

“Her brother died indirectly because of me.  She hates me to the core.  Now that she’s close to Commander Zhan, it’s no surprise that she will have some pillow talks with Commander Zhan and kill me”

Bai Jinbo made a face, causing Jiang Yuelou to look at him before he reached out and patted his hand comfortingly

“Don’t worry.  Whoever it is to come, I’ll keep my wits about them”

“Whoever is to come, you have to come back alive!”

Jiang Yuelou smiled and nodded

“I’ll try my best”

Bai Jinbo shook his head

“Not try, you have to”

Jiang Yuelou smiled weakly and nodded

“Okay.  I will”

He then pushed himself to his feet and headed out of the office, heading off to put his plan into action while Bai Jinbo watched him leave, a small frown on his face before he pushed himself to his feet and walked over to his desk, grabbing his phone before he placed the receiver to his ear and dialed a number

“Dr. Chen?  Could you come to the police department, please?  I have something I wish to speak with you about”

A little while later, Chen Yuzhi arrived at the police department and made his way to Bai Jinbo’s office, stepping inside as Bai Jinbo looked at him

“You’re here.  Shut the door behind you, please”

Chen Yuzhi raised an eyebrow but did as he was told and shut the door before he walked over to the couch and sat before Bai Jinbo

“You wanted to speak to me, sir?”

Bai Jinbo nodded before he took a deep breath

“It’s about Jiang Yuelou”

Chen Yuzhi frowned

“Jiang Yuelou?”

Bai Jinbo nodded before he told him about his plan to pretend to lose control of his emotions and “kill” an entire family to fool San Ye into thinking that he lost his mind and get thrown into a mental hospital so that San Ye’s men could approach him and allow him to get close to San Ye

After he heard the plan, Chen Yuzhi looked at Bai Jinbo with wide eyes

“Is he insane?!  That plan is suicide!”

Bai Jinbo nodded

“I know.  And he didn’t want you to know, but I…I couldn’t just let him go into this alone.  He needs someone other than me by his side…and that someone is you.  So please…keep an eye on him”

Chen Yuzhi nodded

“I will.  I promise”

Bai Jinbo nodded

“Good, good”

Chen Yuzhi then shook his head

“I can’t believe he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me his plan”

Bai Jinbo shook his head

“It’s not that he doesn’t trust you…he wants to protect you.  He knows that you’ll be in danger if you’re close to him…and he’s already lost too much.  I don’t think he could lose you too”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him in surprise before he lowered his gaze, a light blush on his cheeks

“I don’t want to lose him either”

Bai Jinbo smiled slightly

“I’ve already entrusted his heart to you, so…I have nothing to worry about”

Chen Yuzhi looked at him before he nodded

“I will make sure nothing happens to Jiang Yuelou”

Bai Jinbo smiled

“I know you won’t”

A few weeks later, at the mental hospital, Jiang Yuelou was sitting boredly in the visiting room chair when Chen Yuzhi stepped inside and sat down across from him, looking him over in concern before he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small bindle, handing it to him

“Here’s your medication.  Take it”

Jiang Yuelou looked at the bindle before he scoffed and reached out, taking it from him just as Chen Yuzhi grasped his wrist, making him look at him with wide eyes

“What are you doing?”

Chen Yuzhi, however, didn’t answer and just tapped his finger on his wrist, making his eyes widen even further as he realized that Chen Yuzhi was speaking to him in morse code

“You’re an idiot”

Jiang Yuelou looked at him in shock

“You—”

Chen Yuzhi motioned to the bindle in his hand

“Take those.  You’ll feel better”

He then pushed himself to his feet and made to leave when Jiang Yuelou shot to his feet and grabbed him by his wrist, making him look over at him with wide eyes as he yanked him back and pinned him to the wall of the room, just like he had all those months ago in Hong Kong

“Jiang-”

“Bai Jinbo told you?”

Chen Yuzhi glared at him

“Of course he told me.  He’s worried that your plan is suicide”

Jiang Yuelou groaned softly

“I told him not to tell you.  Now you’re in danger”

Chen Yuzhi tsked

“If you think I’m letting you go through this alone, you’re crazy”

Jiang Yuelou smirked

“But I am crazy”

Chen Yuzhi glared

“Jiang Yuelou”

Jiang Yuelou sighed before he looked at him

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Chen Yuzhi smiled slightly

“We’re in this together.  Whether you like it or not.  So tell me what you want me to do”

Jiang Yuelou was quiet before he nodded and leaned forward, whispering his plan into his ear just as the door opened and the orderly stepped inside, looking at them

“Dr. Chen.  Your time is up”

Jiang Yuelou glanced over at the orderly before he pulled away and looked at Chen Yuzhi, who looked back at him, before he smirked and leaned forward, pressing a small kiss to the side of his mouth

“Go on”

Chen Yuzhi blinked, surprised, before he pushed him away and pushed off the wall, brushing himself off before he walked past him, pausing to glance back at him before he turned and continued out of the room, Jiang Yuelou watching him leave with a small, barely visible smile

It was nice to have someone else in his corner…but then again, he always knew he had Chen Yuzhi in his corner

He had been in his corner since the very beginning

And with his help…they were going to take San Ye down

[nineninepetals]

“It’s in the eyes. Always the eyes.”

[x]

[anitabandita]

Okay, okay, OKAY. So I’m rewatching Killer and Healer right now, and I just had a marvelous realization: in episode 5, we get a scene where Chu Ran is reading “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen:

Later on in the same episode, Jiang Yuelou, out of guilt or maybe because of something else as well, gifts the clinic to Chen Yuzhi:

He even makes him the goddamn sign.

Okay, so where am I going with this? Well, in “Pride and Prejudice”, Mr. Darcy wrongs Elizabeth by insulting both her and her family, as well as breaking her sister Jane’s heart by taking Mr. Bingley away. In Killer and Healer, Yuelou feels that he has wronged Yuzhi, for guilt for his sister. Mr Darcy redeems himself by helping first Elizabeth’s younger sister Lydia. It is also hinted that he was involved with the reunion between Jane and Mr. Bingley. Jiang Yuelou, as mentioned earlier, helps Chen Yuzhi get his own clinic.

Lastly, and this is important, neither Mr. Darcy not Jiang Yuelou wants to be found out. Mr. Darcy doesn’t want Elizabeth to know that he’s the one that helped her sister: he asks people to specifically not tell her. Jiang Yuelou does something similar: he doesn’t want Yuzhi to know that he helped him get the clinic. He asks Yu Tangchun to pose as the “benefactor” instead.

The parallel is striking: Mr. Darcy and Yuelou are both doing this not because they wish to show off or because they want to be perceived as good by Elizabeth/Yuzhi. They just want to help them because they care for them .

Like, please tell me I’m not reading into this too much, because it would actually be insane if the writers wrote such a parallel without even realizing it.

[luxhesperus]

FUCK OFF???? JIANG YUELOU NOT ONLY GAVE CHEN YUZHI A CLINIC AND CARVED THE PLAQUE (堂之余) WITH HIS OWN HANDS TOO???

(oh mydramalist was not kidding when they tagged it with 'homoerotic subtext' because i'm definitely starting to see it 🫣🫣)