#lynels i think got majority fuck

[eatorfuck]

I can’t believe people are barely horny about Legend of Zelda monsters surely I am not the outlier here surely I am not the Strange One

I think its cause so many of the ones that have posted so far are pigs/pig based. Folks love bacon!!

[thegeminisage]

long ass post major spoilers tldr i beat it

ok, i've got an hour, time to get started on the end of this game 😤

first straight to lookout landing to introduce purah and mineru.......

or no wait since im here and havent done it in awhile ill swing by the great fairy. if theres any armor i can possibly upgrade i really need to do that lol

okay there isn't really. lol. after pikmin 4 i am gonna need to farm so many materials......

okay, i cooked some food but i dont actually have anything useful so most of it is just atk up/def up/health refills. only a few anti-gloom foods, which is sure to get my ass kicked...

now i guess i just........dive in...................................

im nervous.

i dont have a lot of weapons and bows rn either but whatever ig!!! surely nintendo will provide. i have the master sword fused with one of the light dragon parts so she can fight with me in every possible way!!! also i think the durability wont be affected when it's in its glow mode which it will be down there

thunderstorm as i walk up to the castle lol. classic

alright. WELL. geronimo.

wow that really is. a long way down. okay.

okay hold on wait there's a spot missing on my map. do i get a fucking lightroot down here? i just check. it is so high up. probably unclimbable. do i need to dive again? i'm diving again. fast traveling to the shrine above this time

the bg ambience down here is fucking freaky btw

ok, i got it this time. whew.

back down i go. yeesh.

my neighbors pick NOW to mow their lawn. fuck me sideways

oh im already one heart lost. this floor is COVERED in gloom...

THE FIGHT MUSIC THO...damn

ugh, four hearts down and only two recovery items...yikes. i'm gonna get my ass beat fr but i don't have time to go farm sundelions nor do i want to rn

i can't figure out where to go. i went down a hole with monsters bc that seemed like the only route but now i can't find a way to proceed

did my sword just RING at me??????

fi girl what is going on

oh fuck me there's a gloom lynel

okay yeah no. this isn't gonna work. i need to fucking go farm fucking sundelions. UGH im so mad about it

okay. farmed. going to cook. jesus fuck

COOKED. warping back to the lightroot. bet that mf lynel refilled its stupid health

it did.

I GOT HIM.......ohhh it broke my sword to do it :( i didnt know it could break when it was powered up like that. but i got him...

but now where do i...?

this doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm just heading back into the depths. probably fought that lynel for no reason at all. but i'm scared to look up a walkthru bc of spoilers :(

ok, i did find a guide and i think this is the right way? im scrolling down like one line at a time lol

THE POWER OF A SAGE CANNOT REACH YOU??? OH THIS IS DEFINITELY THE RIGHT WAY

it was way too crowded with all of them but now i feel verrry alone

I FOUND HANDS................

ohhhh i do not want to fight phantom ganon in this gloom covered arena. i do not want to

but with no sages...i can't get across without engaging...

OKAY. THE GOOD NEWS. KILLED THE HANDS. THE BAD NEWS. PHANTOM GANON CHASED ME UP TO THIS HIGH SPOT

GOT HIS ASS!!!! gibdo bone arrows you motherFUCKER

ok, i got across the room...

wait. this looks familiar

THE MUSIC!!!! THIS IS IT THIS IS WHERE I STARTED..................

GLOOM REDEADS!!!!! not today motherfuckers. im not getting jumped im NOT getting jumped

the murals...i can blow up the rocks now

OH MY GODDD.....

the imprisoning war, zelda healing the sword, and becoming a dragon...she WALKED RIGHT PAST THESE with her ALREADY HAVING DONE IT in the past, not knowing she was about to do it again in her own future...oh my god im gonna be SICK

oh that is a big hole.

WAIT...THIS IS THE HOLE SHE FELL DOWN........

WHY IS THE MUSIC DOING THIS...im scared someone come hold my hand

oh my god. the torch zelda dropped is at the bottom of this hole.

im picking it up and im fucking giving it back to her

it JUST keeps going down....

oh god another big jump. OKAAAYYYYY

what IS that..............

DEMON ARMY??? BY MYSELF?????

OH MY GODDDDDDD MY BESTIES!!!! THE GANG IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck me im welling up. ive never been more glad for a crowded screen

got my master sword back. fused with zelda's horn. refilled my health. THIS IS ITTTTTT

ROUND TWO!!!!!! IM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHINGGGG

round three is redeads. i am afraid of some things actually

im not getting jumped. i am NOT getting jumped. ive been playing this game for 200 hours and they havent got close enough to jump me yet i AM NOT GETTING JUMPED.

oh my god this music is AMAZINGGGG

AND I DIDN'T GET JUMPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROUND FOUR!!!!! bring it bring it bring it

BOSS RUSH?

oh my god no...NOOOO my besties.........

i'm alone again :( and with seven minutes until my sword recharges...

ah. i can't save here

oh my god THERE HE IS!!!!!!

the music...

dehydrated voice is so much better

OHHHH MY GOD HE DRANK SOME WATER.....THIS IS FROM THE TRAILERS........

does he have black nail polish on his fingers AND TOES? get it girl

THEY REVIVIED MY MASTER SWORD.......

zelda's with me 😭😭😭 this one's for you babygirl

this music is so quiet and sinister wtf...........

is he. IS HE FLURRY RUSHING ME??

THAT'S MY TRICK, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.........

phase one DOWN. eat gibdo bone my guy

DEMISE FORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM ABSOLUTELY WAILING THEYRE PLAYING THE OOT GANONDORF MUSIC LIKE IM GENUINELY WELLING UP

HIS HEALTH BAR?????????????????????????????????????????

TULIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right as the botw theme plays omg

YUNOBOOOOOO

SIDON AND RIJU.........ONE MORE

AND MINERU!!!! there she IS!!!!! six on one babey

HALFWAY THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cutscene reward

no no no not my besties again

DID HE JUST BREAK MY HEARTS FR???

ohhh the calamity ganon theme!!!

hylian shield badly damaged. GREAT.

i can't get him with my sword. he always does that slowmo thing backwards. but i CAN get him with my lynel bow and gibdo arrows >:)

she died as she lived: running away from the bad guy and shooting at him over her shoulder

GOT HIS ASS!!!!!

OHHHH HE'S GONNA SWALLOW IT...........

i knew this was coming bc of spoilers but it's still incredible. that man just put his whole fist down his throat 😳

compare that to the dainty way zelda swallowed hers lol...

DID THIS MF JUST EAT ME???

wait...his dragon form...is just the calamity???

TIME?? LOOP??????????????

the tune from the trailers........

oh my god okay he's a normal dragon. i was about to start having heart palpitations

i just STRAIGHT UP. for real burst into tears. i have to pause

zelda came to help me................................you go 200 hours thinking she doesn't know or remember you but she RESCUED me she CAUGHT ME.........she's so little compared to him oh god.......

AM I CONTROLLING HER?? WE'RE FLYING TOGETHER...........

accidentally jumped off.

THE MUSIC. THE SAXOPHONE. I'D GIVEN UP ON EVER SEEING IT AGAIN THAT'S GOTTA BE MY MF BINGO

i'm literally crying too much to fight him rn

oh man landing on his back hurts me...how tf am i supposed to get him

one weak spot down. three to go. she literally catches me...literally there's saxophone...

two more! every time she catches me i start bawling again. this is so embarrassing like there are literally tears on my face as i play this. i didn't know she was gonna do that. i knew he turned into a dragon but i didn't know she was gonna help me

she is literally still in there after 10,000 years. her 100 in hyrule castle must feel like nothing in comparison

man and him in the ouroboros position every time...

BLOOD MOON????

RIGHT INTO HIS FOREHEAD JUST LIKE WIND WAKER

bro i am FUCKING sobbing

dark beast ganon theme.

HOLY SHIT...THE EXPLOSION....IS EVERYBODY OKAY??????

oh my god oh my GOD...THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE HER

ARE GONNA CHANGE HER BACK

his arm..............

I CAUGHT HER.......FINALLY.......CATHARSIS...................

IN HIS AAAAAARMS

OH GOD FI......

quest status find princess zelda: complete. i'm losing it. i found her. fucking found her.

she's HOME.

CREDITS ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im trying to collect myself during this time. when i say i am fucking sobbing i am not exaggerating. i am boohoo wailing with tears rolling down my fucking face. legend of zelda tears of ME because of this GAME!!!!!!!

i dont even care that they broke the lore. ok i do care a lot actually but whatever. whatever.

THE CREDITS ARE SO GOOD..........all the shots of link touching people's hands!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEIR HANDS FIXING ZELDA.....

AND CATCHING HERRRRRRRRR

the end...........

OH POST CREDITS CUTSCENE.......

mineru....there goes mom #4, twice

NOOOO IF SHE CRIES IM GONNA GET STARTED AGAIN

oh my god. that was amazing

this is my first time seeing the title screen. i haven't closed the game once since may 12

oh my god that was AMAZING. i am sitting here in total awe!!!!!!!

NOW i can finally enjoy zeldatube again.....i can hear all the theories........i can pirate this mf SOUNDTRACK HOLY SHIT. but first i gotta update my bingo board

wow. what a game

[delphiniumarchangelmoon]

How do you use map icons in totk cause mine are:

Leaf: foraging area for rare/useful materials (fun fact you can get hearty bass at that low gravity island with the mirror puzzle, the water never refills but the fish still spawn and just around on the floor. It’s part of my “post blood moon rotation” of foraging points and enemy spawns.

Skull: enemy I can’t reliably defeat yet (I finally got all mine off my map! TAJE that silver lynels you fucking suck ass)

Sword: mini boss/tough enemy I can reliably defeat

person looking one: Addison sign or backpack korok to return to later

Crystal tower thing: depths ascend point

Cooking pots: overworld cooking pots in useful locations so I don’t have to rely on portable ones all the time

Hearts: korok puzzles or areas I think are going to be used fir a side quest later

stars: anything else, usually related to whatever I’m working on at that moment

Bonus content: my material grinding routine for every blood moon as a paranoid newbie to this franchise who is not going into the final fight until I’m considerably over prepared.

Immediately go to the Lanayru Promenade and teleport to the O-ogim shrine, ascend up and defeat the three lynels that spawn in a line heading northwest from that point. This is both farming for weapons and fuse parts AND practice with dodging and flurry rushes (it took me a Long Time to figure them out and I’m not going to stop until I can get 5 in a row)

Then I open my map again and teleport to two locations where Gibdo’s spawn (gibdo bones my beloved) generally the underground cemetery then the ancient altar ruins, it’s generally worth putting a travel medallion down in a Gerudo cave of your choice cause desert travel is awful and most of the caves for some reason don’t have shrines

Then I teleport to several sky islands rapidly:

Ga-ahisas shrine in the North Tabantha Sky for aforementioned fish

Josiu shrine in north Necluda sky (then to the island north of it with the pond) for a big radish + everything else those islands grow

And finally the water temple, as it’s my preferred location for farming Construct parts. I like combat in low gravity im a sniper at heart just let me have infinite bullet time

(my current plan for Ganondorf is a full inventory of rocket shields + multi shot bows + gibdo bones. everything else is a backup plan. I hope I don’t need the backup plans cause they’re not very good. One is literally to look up on YouTube how to build an indestructible car and just run him over till he dies)

Then I stop off at Sturnida Springs Cave (north + a little west of Rito Village) aka the crazy mushroom cave. Also a decent place for a travel medallion tbh, it’s fairly far from any travel points.

Then its Hateno to harvest from the school field and set the new crop (I’m usually rotating between endura carrots and hearty radishes) and buy out anything useful at the store, mostly pumpkins. And arrows. I consider anything under 150 to be running low.

If I’m running low in cash I track down a rare stone talus or two, there’s two fairly close to the Gerudo Canyon tower.

Then I spend the remaining time either defeating gloom spawn/boss rematches in the depths/more Lynels depending on what I’m running low on, or farming parts from a dragon (I try to rotate but. It’s usually Dinraal cause she’s my favorite dragon)

And when I inevitably get bored of this I switch to collecting poes in the depths to buy bomb flowers.

And yes. My link does have a severe addiction to speed elixers. That’s none of your business. It gets the job done. Gan won’t know what fucking hit him (it’s bones and bombs. He’s getting hit by bones and bombs)

And anyway I don’t want to do the final boss until I’ve done the majority of things to do in the game, it feels like the finale should be… final, yanno? I’m not gonna find every korok seed or anything but I do want to get all inventory upgrades, get every armor piece and upgrade most of them, do all the side quests, fill my compendium most of the way, etc.

but even then I’m still REALLY close. I’ve got like… three shrines, five quests, 4 wells, and maybe 2 armor pieces left and SURELY more m close to getting all the Addison signs I mean I never slacked on those. I already have plans lined up to get upgrades for the armor pieces I already have (fuck the goddamn star things I just want to upgrade my own damn canonical armor and you want falling stars AND dragon parts? Literally fuck off) so. Im running out of things to do to avoid the ending 😬

[archaictunic]

now that i've finished!!! i have THOUGHTS i'm just rambling don't mind me. this is the abridged version of this post because i initially had 12 different points and lost most of my thoughts when i accidentally hit ctrl+z :3 SPOILERS FOR TOTK PLEASE DON'T CLICK IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED.

first. i am ignoring that link got his arm back. i understand why it does that, but i am not keeping nor acknowledging that bit of information - not for a while, at least. the gloom can be gone. ganon can be destroyed. rauru still had to REPLACE LINK'S ARM ENTIRELY. unless his weird ghost arm just… slid on top of link's existing one like a glove. but thats SILLY. i like the cool dragon arm. i want link to start growing out his nails on his other hand and get them done in hateno or something and continue to have cool little claws.

second. i want to write up a page or something somewhere detailing my opinion on Ships. like… i didn't ship zelink really UNTIL botw/totk, and even then, it is purely because of my partner and i talking about/developing some stuff with them. and the more i think on sidlink or even link/mipha the more the zora age starts to make me Question things?? and then obviously, despite my personal adoration for revali, he and link would NOT get along super well , especially romantically? ( at the very least, NOT my link, not without some MAJOR work on both sides ) idk. link ships in-universe are hard lmao give me crossovers or something where i'm not working off the burden of canon (this is only mostly a joke) - also urbosa is a lesbian, and daruk is more like a dad. this is hard. riju is ............ viable i guess but i dont know they also don't feel super romantic. yunobo is his hype man not his boyfriend.

third. the ganon fight was SO fun. i absolutely adored the very end of it; and it felt way more involved than the big pig from botw?? so like even though, essentially, those final phases were the same sort of type of gameplay (very hard to lose, honestly) it was STILL super fucking fun i had such a good time exploding his pustules. how many times now has link stabbed ganon in the forehead.

fourth. other than the arm, i'm excited because the ending really didn't step on the toes of ANY of my vague thoughts for development so far?? like i will still be able to take my link in EXACTLY the direction i was hoping to!! where he KNOWS what responsibility rests on him; and he's quiet because of the burden, but also like… he doesn't know WHY he's the hero. why ganon is the villain. he knows ganon did evil things, he knows he's supposed to hate the man for … well, everything, but he sort of sits on a weird little line where he hates him, but also doesn't understand why he should feel anything at all about him? the hatred is a requirement. he has to hate the calamity. the demon king. even if he's never really met him. even if he doesn't know anything about how they got here. he just. HAS to hate him.

fifth. i am thinking about link's scars. not that he canonly has ANY. but i really want to look over the events of these games, and my own personal playthroughs, and find a few scars to really give him more character. i think that scars can be something SO important. something that can have such a heavy story behind it. like… i'm never gonna forget my first lynel battle, for example. idk i really need to draw him a WHOLE reference i'mj ust fufuckcing tired. might also make an art sideblog for that when it comes to it because i fear my content getting notes.

sixth. i want to chew on every character in this game like a stimmy squeaky toy

[razorblade180]

So I finished Age of Calamity

[spoilers]

Thanks to the beauty of holiday time off I have logged in 40 plus hours into this game and just beaten it, so naturally I’m gonna talk about it a bit. I’ll save the spoiler stuff for a little later though.

The game

This game might be my favorite game of 2020, or at least top three. Not just because of the world, but because everything is over the top! So far I’ve done 131 missions and 90% has the consistent energy of “we are fucking under attack” and it’s almost overwhelming in the best way possible. It really felt like you were on a battlefield field. Your map is just a sea of red and it’s your job to clean it up. What kept me engaged in the fights was all of the character’s different uses runes. I found myself constantly ordering my teammates to face certain enemy types that match best with how they fight.

Originally, I really wanted to be fair and rotate between characters. That didn’t last long. Mipha and Link in my opinion don’t have a single bad move. The bias only got worse whenever the master sword is obtained. Before that, my Link had a spear most of the time but that sword is just handy. Especially with item drop rate and attack range on it. In the end, my strongest characters were Link 74, Mipha 70, Impa 60, and Zelda 60. It’s been awhile since I played the first hyrule warriors so I can’t remember if they had the level up system were you can pay for experience but or definitely came in handy. Combine that with how many guardians were in this game and I quickly found out I needed Link with a shield on a regular bases. I also learned I didn’t forget how to time a vase amount of blocks and dodges.

The amount of characters you get to play quickly became too massive for me to juggle, but they all had their own merits for the most part, though I did find a few of the gimmick characters a bit of a hassle. My opinion on who was viable was constantly changing as I unlocked more combos. Originally, wasn’t the biggest fan of Urbosa. That second and fifth combo modifier changed everything.

The real portion of the game that really kept me wanting to play more was not only the ability to order other people, but seeing them fight along side you. I’m a softie for things like this, but genuinely felt relieved or hyped whenever I was fighting something crazy and I can see Impa rushing over towards me while text from soldiers scream “Just keep pushing!!!!” The AI wasn’t dumb either! There’s plenty of moments that controllable and NPC characters will just go where they’re supposed to, or kill targeted enemies. I remember not wanting to switch over to Link because he had low health, so as I’m running over to him as Mipha to heal him, the madman kills the Lynel. Ran all the way over there to watch him flex. That combined with elemental reactions you can cause in a fight, and the entire spectacle just felt elevated. The feeling of fighting three Lynel’s at once becomes a little less scary when you have a lightning rod and puddles everywhere.

The only negative I found in a gameplay perspective is some of the resource gathering. Gaining the trophy notes for killing a type of enemy isn’t too much of a hassle, but I found getting the materials they drop to be a bit harder, even with increased drop rate statuses. Most of this I find irritating for two reasons. One, specialized enemies show up in relatively small groups in a majority of missions, so getting things from them could be a flop altogether. Number two, a fair amount of these missions take a decent chunk of time if you’re being thorough and killing as much as possible. So grinding is a pain. Fortunately most missions a majority of what you need . If the game wanted chu chu jelly, I knew one of the missions coming up had chu chu as an enemy. You could also keep track of what you needed with material sensor that told you when you had enough.

The story

I’ll be honest, I was upset with this game for a hot second. It was advertised as a prequel to BoTW and while sad, I was truly invested to playing the events that lead to the fall of the champions. What this game didn’t tell you is it’s like most LoZ games, on its own separate part of the timeline. This isn’t the story of they lost. It’s the story of how they win, thanks to the little adorable robot mascot that has the ability to not only show the future, but bring people from the future; the champion’s descendants. At first I was upset with this. Mainly because I’m a little tired of time travel plots and it felt really out of place here. However, time travel gave way more to this game than what I expected this game to have in the first place. It allowed at least six more playable characters that wouldn’t have been possible in the other timeline, and a wellspring of interactions through missions. Every time Mipha was with Sidon, I smiled. Having Urbosa being this super encouraging role model to Riju was so nice since BoTW had expressed just how much those two admired and missed those people. Revali was nice to Teba! They were vibing. Even the soldier commentary on the new champions were a treat. So I got over the time travel issue pretty quick. It made things sad as well when the new generation leaves because they’re going back to a time where they lost it all. There was no great union that took place across hyrule to fight Ganon and their beloved champions failed. I do appreciate that the diverge in the timeline really takes place on the day they’re supposed to die, moments before the final blow. It still lets the player see the definitive moment where good was supposed to lose.

The “new” villain is meh. I wouldn’t really say he stands out. His entire thing is thinking he’s gonna win because he doesn’t realize that he isn’t seeing hyrule’s future. He’s seeing another hyrule’s future. What comes out of his character is cool though because it gives a different, yet same finale boss. I wasn’t expecting to basically fight a giant Ganondorf. Honestly, you can kinda say you fought Demise. At least aesthetically speaking. Or Yuga. This game has also made me care about robot. Something I haven’t done in awhile. A few scenes near the end felt hammy, but also amazingly realistic to how a lot of people would feel when someone breaks your favorite thing. The war was already personal, but now it’s really personal. Quests open up after the game that plays on those emotions too. It’s very clever.

Overall, Age of Calamities story felt like a love letter to everyone who loves this rendition of hyrule and the characters in it. They even another one named Sooga, who just might be my favorite. That man has no choice but to be the brain and muscle of the Yiga. It kinda makes me sad he’s introduced here because you can assume he didn’t make it in the other timeline, so he has no descendents. The amount of serotonin I felt just seeing all of these characters fighting together as the absolutely conquer the battlefield was more than satisfying. Definitely worth the money. I don’t know if they can, but Nintendo might wanna consider some sort of audio patch. The mixing is bad in certain parts. Voice lines get really quiet. Other than that, this game is real solid. I’d give it an 8.5/10

Side note

The music is really good. Especially the Zoe’s demain track. Also, I never noticed frame rate dropping or lag, except on two occasions. Both of these happened to be me pushing the game to its limits. The first is being surrounded by enemies in a small space as Mipha. Creating the water vortex and raining down bombs makes the game wanna cry a little. The second one is a similar case. Sidon’s fifth or sixth combo made the made the game drop frames because it’s incredibly fast, involves timing, makes a vortex, and i was in a small space with tons of enemies. Other than that, not even Urbosa’s or Riju’s lightning made the game freak out from what I noticed. That may have something to do with me never using them in a place where there’s constant rain. That might actually be the cause of the drop in combination of everything else.

[theficplug]

🅶🅸🆁🅻🆂 🆃🆁🅸🅿

𝓅𝓉 𝟤

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: 𝟣𝟪+ , 𝓈𝓂𝓊𝓉

𝓔𝓻𝓲𝓴 𝔁 𝓑𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

{𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓰𝓸𝓮𝓼 𝓸𝓷 𝓪 𝓬𝓻𝓾𝓲𝓼𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵𝓼 𝓭𝓾𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔀𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓽-𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓹 & 𝓶𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓔𝓻𝓲𝓴 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓻𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝓪 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼. 𝓘 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝓸𝓫𝓲𝓵𝓮 𝓼𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓲𝓬 𝓰𝓸𝓽 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓭 4 𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓼😂. 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓾𝓰𝓰𝓵𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵. 𝓘 𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂'𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓮𝓷𝓳𝓸𝔂✌🏾 𝔁}

His fingertips danced along your spine following the golden sunlight against your umber skin. While you laid next to him softly placing kisses to his shoulder and chest.

You smiled to yourself remembering how damn near perfect last night was. He didn't ask anything of you after giving you one of the most mind blowing orgasms of your life.

He just cuddled you almost swaying you as you fell asleep nestled against his side. 

You felt him toss and turn until you wrapped your arms around him. Although he's never admit to being a little spoon.

"Damn, it must really be paradise here. 'Cause it can't get more perfect than this. I haven't slept all night like that in a long time." He says lowly his voice slightly raspy and deeper from the tiredness lingering. 

"I mean besides the morning breath. Whew yours is kicking." You say to him jokingly before he scoops you closer into his arms and kisses all over your neck. 

"Come shower with me then?" He proposed, already halfway out of the bed. 

After grabbing your things you headed towards the large bathtub with him. It was absolutely breathtaking and you still couldn't imagine how you pulled off getting a ticket for this luxurious cruise. 

"What's on your mind? " He asks while pulling you closer to rest against him. His warm wet hands soothing over the kinks in your back. 

"Just thinking of how quickly everything has moved. First it was the breakup and then getting the position I've always wanted. And coming on this cruise and finally reuniting with you. It has just been a world wind of emotions. But as corny as it is. I'm glad that I'm with you right now." You say quietly before looking up at him and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

"You still got them same ass big brown eyes. The kind you can't forget if you tried to. I never really gotta chance to say I'm sorry. I ain't mean to take off like that. I had some things that I had to take care of back then. Things that I'm still taking care of now. Things that I wanna tell you about but I feel like that's too much too soon." He says never once breaking eye contact with you as he chose his words carefully. 

You eyed him for a moment wondering what changed with him when he left. You wanted to question the scars that carried ghosts of his past etched across his skin or to ask him why he trembled when you held him last night. But you settled on a gentle kiss to his chest.

" All that matters right now is that you're safe. In time maybe you'll comfortable enough to tell me all about it. I believe that everybody's gotta past. It's alright" You soothe him and you can feel him for once relax against the bathtub. 

You slowly glide your hand down his body to stroke him softly. 

You noticed that eye contact is a big thing for him as you watch him melt under your gaze and touch. 

You pump him slowly as you rest your forehead against his and press a kiss to his lips. 

You sink down onto him slowly. Taking a moment to work him in fully before working all the way up and back down again to find a rhythm. "I'm glad that I'm here with you." You repeat against his lips as you slowly start to ride him. 

At first he just holds onto you as if you're going to float away. He's kissing every part of you that he can touch before burying his face in your breasts as you hold his head against you. You maneuvered lower so that he can tug teasingly on the right nipple then the left. 

Your hand smacks against the the outside of the bathtub as a kneejerk reaction to him beginning to fuck you back. His hand gripping onto your right hip tighter as he angles you slightly and drives into you at a new angle. 

"Eriiikkkk. Right there. Right there. Keep going baby-" You whine into his mouth as you find the right rhythm between the two of you.

You roll your hips down while he's giving deeper strokes into you from below. 

"You close huh? Don't run from it. Come on. Don't hold shit back from me." He demands as he grips your left hip harder holding you into place as he pounds into you and uses his other hand to massage your clit. 

That one last stroke had your arching your back into him and he took the opportunity to latch onto your nipple again nibbling it as he strokes you through your orgasm not stopping the rhythm between lightning fast strokes and then rolling his hips. 

You squeal as you hold onto his shoulders and bounce yourself through it before falling forward into him. 

"Nuh uh. Don't hold back neither. Give me that shit. You're hard as a fucking brick for me. I know you wanna cum. C'mon bae." You tease you whine your hips fluidly against him teasing him up and down you. 

He groans loudly and squeezes your cheeks hard holding you against him as his head rolls back and you grip his beard for him to look at you.

"Please, cum for me." You whisper to him as you feel him throbbing and pulsing ready to spill over for you he leans up and leave kisses down your neck before biting onto your shoulder hard as his stomach clenches and he releases for you.

"Goooddd. So good for me. " You moan praising him for giving you what you wanted.

After showering for real this time he left you to do your makeup and pick out an outfit for the day.

"I don't know how I feel about this look. I mean we're supposed to dock in like an hour and go sightseeing . And I'm late. I was supposed to meet the girls for breakfast. 10 minutes ago. So, this is good?" You say to Erik showing him the cherry red sleeveless dress that draped off over your back with a slit up the thigh.

It was the perfect shade to make your bronze skin pop along with the matching red lipstick and a simple winged liner.

You leaned your weight to one hip and smoothed out the dress smiling to yourself for a second as you watch him eyeing you up and down.

"You look so damn fine. I wanna spend all day in bed with you but these niggas tryna go snorkeling and shit." He says to you as you shake your head while laughing at him. 

"That sounds fun though. I think we're gonna hit up all the major food spots and tourist-y things we can today. But I'll meet up with you tonight. Gimme kiss." You say to him before you both head out. 

On your way to the elevator you finally check your phone and see all the missed calls and texts from Derrick. 'Shit.' was your only thought as you scrolled through them. 

"I'm not gonna apologize cause I'm grown. I can do whatever with whoever I wanna do it with. But I didn't mean for you to hear all of that. I must've called you by accident last night." You say to him as he answers the phone.

"So are we even now?" Is the only thing he asks as you shake your head at how unbelievable he is.

"Not even close. Look I've gotta go. I just wanted to call and clear the air so that you don't think this was something planned to "get back at you "." 

"To be honest I deserve more than an accidental call. I'm sorry. I really am. I know that I fucked up a good thing. I hope that someday we can at least go back to being friends." He says and for a moment you wanna believe that that's possible.

"Friends don't do that to each other Derrick. Like I said I just wanted to clear the air. I gotta go." You say hanging up quickly once you make it to the cute little cafe on the second floor of the ship.

You take a deep breath in before walking in and over to the table where your friends already eating and cackling about something. 

"Good morning y'all. I- I overslept." You say to them with a small smirk while sitting down.

"BITCHHHHH. Yo ass got good dick glow written all over you. That birth control was doing its job this morning! " Khadijah laughs as you throw an orange slice her way.

"Sebastian wasn't it though. 2 words. Chicken Nugggeeeettt. He's sweet as gold and we have so much in common but like y'all. " Khadi adds 

"UH UUHHH. Girl, and he was talking big game and ended up whipping out the shrimp?" Tasha says to Khadi in disbelief 

"Good morning. It looks like you had fun last night. Here we ordered you shrimp and grits and we're gonna need the full run down. So here" Tasha says as she puts the breakfast platter on your side of the table and Lynelle leans in closer. 

"Shush like you and Tasha's bag wasn't buzzing its way through TSA. Y'all I ain't even gon lie. Mans ate the soul clean outta my body. I was shaking and shit. I thought I was bout to morph into something. I'm like girl is this the moment where I turn into a Demogorgon. And then he just like held me and that kinda intimacy I hadn't felt in so long. Everything was going good. Morning sex was bomb...But then the gag is i must've accidentally called Derrick right before that cause he heard everything." You say and then watch Tasha , Khadi, and Lynelle cut up.

Tasha was clapping and laughing as Tasha and Lynelle tried to hold it in before laughing until the point of tears. 

"Wait , wait I'm hollering." Tasha yells 

You set there with your arms crossed before cracking into a giggle of your own.

"I don't know why I felt bad. But I did after I found out what happened. Is that weird?" You ask as you push the food around the plate. 

"As a psychologist, I want to say something profound like. Dopamine causes us to try and find the love object, hence why we spend days thinking about the other person. It’s for this very reason that it can be so incredibly hard for us to move on to a relationship with someone else. We tend to idealize our exes and distort the memories we have with them. We romanticise the reality and forge an idea in our minds of what life with them is like when often it’s not the truth. But as your best friend I just wanna say fuck Derrick and his feelings." Khadi says bluntly while sipping on the mimosa

"She ain't wrong. He didn't really take your feelings into consideration when he did what he did. So, i'm with Khadi on this one. Fuck Derrick." Lennie says as she raises her glass

"FUCK DERRICK" y'all say in unison as all 3 of you raise your glass for a toast. 

--

After the ship docked and you realised you were gonna be staying at a villa not too far from Erik's everything seemed to go smoothly.

You and Erik ended up venturing off together to all the little boutiques and food spots on your list.

Tasha and Lennie wanted to do all the cute tourist-y things on their own little list.

Khadi ended up going with Sebastian to do the snorkeling activities and meeting the dolphins. It turned out that they both love the ocean and marine life.

After sending each other quick texts about the change of plans. You agreed to meet up for dinner and to test out Club Jenja later on.

He didn't smother you when you and the girls danced at the club. But you could feel his eyes on you when men got too close to you for his liking. He did come by occasionally to ask you if you were okay or if you needed a water. Or if he just wanted a kiss from you.

He was currently standing by the bar talking to his boys when you notice a dark haired woman and another girl saunter up to him.

While they were standing there telling him their whole life story it seemed. His eyes never left yours.

"My feet hurt." You say to him as you walk over to as if the girls aren't standing there.

"Let's go then." He replied simply already done with the scene and just wanted to be chilling with you.

Your feet were done at this point from dancing all night in them skinny ass heels and he ain't hesitate to carry you bridal style to the Uber.

You wasted no time pulling off your look and slipping into one of your oversized shirts.

"You play too much. Why you left your girlfriend hanging like that?" you ask him laughing softly into his shoulder.

--

Of course he wanted to stay at your villa tonight.

You were both a little tipsy on the shots from the bar and realised that honey whiskey made both of y'all all lovey dovey. 

"She really said I hope y'all enjoy your honeymoon. You a cute couple. Maybe she seen something with us." he says repeating the elderly lady that y'all met in a souvenir shop earlier. Then pondering the thought

"She was really cute though." You say to him as he helps you wipe your makeup and adjust your head scarf in the back for you.

"You wanna use this face mask? You gotta lil sunburn right here on your nose. I told you to wear sunscreen. Talking bout lotion gonna cover it." You scold him softly before giving him a kiss to the tip of his nose. 

"Yeah , lemme go pee real quick." He says before moving from sitting between your legs on the bed.

You knew that you both weren't going to sleep anytime soon. So, you grabbed the laptop and turned on your playlist which mostly consisted of smooth r&b.

You watched as Erik walked out of the bathroom grooving to music and leaned down to kiss you.

Safe to assume that it's impossible to get over how his kisses made your skin light up like the 4th of July.

3 glasses of wine later and y'all were deep into conversation about everything from is there life on other planets to life paths.

"I think if I wasn't a stylist I'd be a criminal psychologist. That type of stuff has always seemed interesting to me." You say as he asks if you watched the new I Am A Killer series on Netflix.

To him revealing that he has a 4 year old daughter.

"Ava? She's the most adorable little thing. I can't wait to meet her one day." You say as you look at the pictures of her. She had his nose and head shape but with hazel eyes. Her adorable 4c fro adorned with jewels and cornrows in the front clasped with berets.

You think for a second wanting to ask him about the situation with the baby mama but didn't want to pry too much into it. Especially if you too planned on just keeping things casual.

"I met her mama while I was deployed. She got ill, and ain't really make it too many days past Ava's 2nd birthday." He says as he rub the back of his neck and shake his head.

You let out a small pout before pulling him in for a warm hug. You lay back with him in your arms and scratch at his scalp gently.

"I can tell that she was a good woman. Just look at how smart and kind and caring Ava is already. She taught her so much in such an unfortunate amount of time." You say thinking over the appropriate answer for the situation.

It's wild to think about this man was your best friend for years. And it feels like everything and nothing has changed all at once.

"I hooked up with Mr. Thomas after graduation." You blurt and Erik looks up at you for a minute before laughing hard as fuck.

"What the fuck? How? When?" He asks as he shakes his head still laughing.

"Well, he been a whole ass snack since junior year and I saw him during the girls trip to Mardi Gras . Like around carnival time. And we just got to talking. He stopped teaching math and now he's like traveling the world and all of this stuff. " You say laughing

"I can't believe that shit. I used to be disrespectful as fuck to that nigga too. He know I was good at math and cause I used to skip his class he always tried to play me like I ain't know nothing. Like nigga I didn't need to cheat off nobody homework or test." He says scoffing at the thought before his phone begins to ring

"We going to the zoo today. Sing the song daddy." Ava asks and she nods before saying hello to her and her grandmother.

"Isn't she lovely. Isn't she wonderful-" He's cut off by her with a shake of her head.

"Not that one - the other one papa." She tells him and you look over to see him thinking before he dramatically says "ooh that one."

Your heart melted as they started singing together. She's smiling and laughing with her father as tried to sing with him.

"We're gonna have a good day. And all my homies gonna ride today. And all these mommies look fly today. And all we wanna do is get by today. Heyyy. We're gonna have a good day. And ain't nobody gotta cry today. Cause ain't nobody gonna die today. You save that drama for another day. Heyyy we gonna have a good day." He finishes and you swear that your heart grew at least two sizes watching him interact with her.

"Have fun at the zoo with Grandma, let her put the sunscreen on you when you get out , and say hey to the penguins for Daddy alright? I'll call you later. " He finishes and he says goodbye to her grandmother before ending the call.

"We came up with it when she start going to pre-school. She hated being away from me . So every morning we would sing the song together and she gets all the special hugs before she goes out the door to carry with her to have a good day. I don't miss a day." He explains and you couldn't help but kiss his face all over.

He was such a multi-faceted person to just sit back and admire. You could get use to this eventually being everyday.

But , a tinge of sadness couldn't help but wash over you . Thinking of what could've been if things hadn't happened the way that they did with you two.

You both eventually drift off while holding him in your arms, tipsy as hell, and feeling full of love.

 

Taglist:

@blackmissfrizzle @chaneajoyyy @sheisexcellent1 @fd-writes @theogbadbitch @yoyolovesbucky @destinio1

Lemme know if I missed anybody x

[cowboyjimkirk]

dad drag anon: greetings! i have dropped The Lab Course From Hell and also i am back on my legend of zelda: breath of the wild bullshit!!! i’m currently working on taming a bunch of wild horses and naming them after crimes. so far i have Tax Fraud and Arson, i’m thinking of maybe Homicide next. this has no bearing on the actual plot of the game, but it sure is fun

dad drag anon: HI, UPDATE ON BEING BACK ON MY BOTW BULLSHIT - I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT THE TRUE MEANING OF BEST FRIENDSHIP IS BEING ABLE TO LIVE-TEXT PEOPLE AT 2:30 AM WHILE TAKING DOWN MY FIRST LYNEL IN BREATH OF THE WILD, IN CASE YOU ARE UNAWARE LYNELS ARE CRAZY FUCKIN STRONG ENEMIES AND THE ONE I TOOK DOWN WAS ONE OF THE TOUGHEST KINDS TO KILL IN THE ENTIRE GAME I AM IMMENSELY PROUD OF MYSELF AND ALSO IT DROPPED SOME REALLY FUCKING GOOD LOOT HOLY SHIT!!! sorry for yelling so much, but i am all but literally bouncing off the walls right now i am so excited oh my god. like i still need to run around and collect a bunch of mighty bananas before i go to like the edge of the fuckin map to the yiga clan hideout so i can grab the thunder helm, sneak barta out of prison, then yeety-skeet back to gerudo town and talk to lady riju before i board vah naboris, solve the five terminal puzzles, and defeat thunderblight ganon, but once i do all that stuff, pretty much the one major thing i’ll have left to do i think will be the calamity ganon boss fight, and since i already got the master sword from korok forest before i did the fireblight ganon battle on vah rudania, i can use that once i get to hyrule castle! i’ve also gotta climb the central and ridgeland towers, but i’ve been putting ridgeland off until i get the rubbery armor because i’m gonna get absolutely ass-blasted by electric-type enemies if i don’t, and i’ve been putting off central because it’s fuckin SURROUNDED by guardian scouts and i hate those damn things. BUT HEY, I TOOK DOWN A FUCKING WHITE-MANED LYNEL!!! GUARDIAN SCOUTS CAN SUCK MY METAPHORICAL DICK

i don’t know what most of this means, but i’m so happy for you 😭😭😭

[argothiathedreamer]

Been playing Breath of the Wild and I figured I’d tell you all about my experiences:

-Accidentally jumped into a freezing pond without realizing what the temp was and drowned.

-Tried to see if I could take out a Guardian on the plateau with nothing but bombs and arrows, *spoiler* I COULD NOT and wound up having to book it the fuck over a wall to get away from it. Immediately ran into a bunch of stalkoblins and got annoyed so I ran away from them too.

-Called King Rhoam a bastard under my breath every time I saw him.

-Let the guy at the Dueling Peaks Stable tell me about how to catch a horse while I sat there on the back of a horse I just caught, because I figure I need to make sure the NPCs know their programed lives have some purpose right?

-Game: “There’s a super simple way for you to get over this barracade between you and that shrine beside the Dueling Peaks Stable~” Me: *Climbs an fucking cliff and dives off the top of an waterfall, paragliding down to the shrine with no way of knowing if my stamina will hold out* Game:”... Okay yeah, I mean you could also have just used the power we gave you at the start of the game, but you do you, I guess.” (I made it flawlessly btw, but yeah I didn’t even consider using the freeze ability until I was actually inside the shrine.)

-Caught and tamed 4 horses but only registered 2 (Latin and Shadow), discovered I’m a natural at taming horses since I also ran out and caught Horse #1 (the first horse I didn’t register) in under 2 minutes.

-Climbed all the way around Mt Lanayru from the Hateno side towards the Naydra Snowfields on a quest of my own design unable to actually go up and over the top since it’s too cold, once I got around to the other side however I saw a Lynel AND a Hinox at the bottom and NOPED back to Hateno.

-I have taken a shot at or otherwise tried to kill every single goat I have seen in this game. I don’t know what my vendetta against goats is, but apparently I’m compelled to immediately draw my bow upon sighting one. It’s like an instinct... I have also killed a lot of birds, but like... that’s just business I need drumsticks for cooking stuff. Whatever I’ve got going on with the goats... that feels personal. In my alternate universe past life I must have been a Hylian who got harassed by goats.

-Killed like... 6 Bokoblins at an encampment with a single Bomb Arrow. Pretty proud of that one.

-Drowned like 12 times, not so proud of that one... (I have bad luck with water)

-Cooked so much food I think the NPCs are starting to worry about me.

-Made my way down the entirety of Lanaryu road from west to east, and spent more of it climbing walls to get around enemies who were definitely too strong for me than I did with my feet actually on the ground.

-Went out onto Hyrule Fields, was minding my own business, saving horses from Bokoblins, murdurizing goats, the usual. Then I ALMOST RAN FACE FIRST INTO A FULLY OPERATIONAL GUARDIAN WHO CAME CRAWLING OUT FROM BEHIND A ROCK LIKE A NIGHTMARE SPIDER/OCTOPUS. Made it up a huge rock and out of its sight in record time, proceeded to have a mini meltdown at the top. I don’t think it even noticed me.

-After that I left Hyrule fields and went back towards Lake Hylia, saw Farosh and was sitting there admiring it, while also planning how I was going to deal with the local Bokoblin Tree House of Horrors when BAM! I got struck by lightning. Probably would’ve been my first major death, except I very luckily had like 3 fairies in my pack. Anyhow I got revived and just start running back the way I came hoping I can outrun the storm and get somewhere safe (in the rush I forgot that I could just unequip my metal weapons) ultimately remembered that teleporting was a thing and went back to Dueling Peaks Stables.

-After that I decided the Guardians weren’t all that scary and set off across Hyrule Fields in search of Hestu.

-Rescued Horse #2 (who shall not be registered, but is still my buddy) from a bokoblin and rode him all the way to the Wetland Stable, where I found Hestu!

-More importantly I also found Kass!!!!<3

-Was going to head up to Zora’s Domain and meet Sidon <3 but after trying to head out 3 times in different directions and each time running  into a freaking lightning storm that chased me all the way back to the stables (I am grateful that Horse #2 is FAST AS HELL) I decided it was time to call it quits. Saved in the inn at the stable and put the game away for the night.

-Poor Horse #2′s out in the rain... I feel bad for him, but then again he’s hanging out in a pretty ass, super safe forest... He’s fine... as long as he doesn’t get struck by lightning.

[lunarsapphism]

ok ive decided im gonna talk about the legend of zelda games bc they are encapsulating all my thoughts rn. im literally just rambling about how much i love them so its not anything particularly important so im gonna put it under the cut as to not clog up the dash

OKAY OH MY GOD first of all all of them are just so <33 playing those games are some of the only distinctly positive memories i have with my dad before i realized he was an asshole (but that’s besides the point) i grew up on those games, and played them on all the original consoles. sure, i couldn’t get very far on my own in them when i was like under six years old but they genuinely are some sort of core memory for me or something. they mean so much to me and i love them with all my heart :)

one of the first ones i remember playing is either the original legend of zelda on the gameboy or probably ocarina of time on the nintendo 64. out of all of them i think that that’s the one that has the most significance to me nostalgia-wise. i haven’t played it in ages but i just got it again for the gamecube and im soooo excited, i just need to get a new memory card for it :D i also absolutely adore wind waker, i played that for the first time in like 10 years this last summer and it was so much fun and i had the best time. the soundtrack is so good and the game is just overall really cute and fun. its one of the more lighthearted ones i think, and i thoroughly enjoyed that. i love revisiting games after a long time because you have memory of it but you get to rediscover new things about them each time and it doesn’t stop being wonderful. i wish i was able to do that with twilight princess but the gamecube disks for that game are so fucking expensive its absolutely wild how expensive that shit is

btw i’ve played the majority of the loz games but the ones i mention in this are my favorite :)

the one i like the most i think though just gameplay-wise is probably breath of the wild. the graphics are beautiful, the soundtrack absolutely fucks (tarrey town theme <3) , and i think the story is really interesting. since its open-world its super different from the other ones and that makes it so much fun. also the way that you can do the main quest and finish the game but its only 30% complete?? love that, there’s so much to do and if you don’t want to do anything at all you don’t have to. you can literally just ride around on a horse and look at the pretty views and stuff (my girlfriend does that all the time it’s so cute) and its still fun. the enemies are either challenging or just plain fun to fight, and its super entertaining to find insanely op ways to run around killing shit. fuck the lynels though i wont go near those if they’re stronger than a blue maned one. also i’ve spent hundreds of hours memorizing where stuff is (not on purpose but because i walk/climb/paraglide literally everywhere, its mentally ill behavior i know) and that makes it really fun when i’m watching someone else play it for the first time and they are trying to figure out where on the map something is cause i just know, even if its insanely obscure like one of the 900 korok seeds or random unmarked ore deposits. i dont say this to brag or whatever, im just excited :)

i can easily say that botw specifically has been a hyperfixation cause at one point for like 5 months straight i played it every day for like 4 hours (daily its not that much but i mean i was in school and that was the average, it still adds up to like 700 hours). i actually think it was the hyperfixation i had right before the dsmp and mcyts. huh.

anyway, botw my absolute fucking beloved, my most beautiful shining star i love u so much

[ladykailolu]

Details below of my extraordinary and deadly trip into the depths of Hyrule Castle. (Spoilers below the cut!)

Okay, so, I snuck in to Hyrule Castle a couple of days ago like a ninja, right, and I’m all good and well, parasailing onto the castle from the north face, run past a guardian, and I’m in the mineshaft. I took on this enterprise in the hopes of finding a Hylian Shield.

I didn’t find a Hylian Shield :P

What I did find was this cranky-ass Stone Talus at the far reaches of the castle undergrounds with a vendetta for my life! Seriously, only Ganon would put a fucking stone giant in a small space and laugh as I flail about trying to blow the damned thing up (I died once because I blew myself up and somehow got crushed while trying to climb it lol whoops)

I did a little more sneak exploring into the library, snuck-struck the FUCK out of some black lizalfoes and studied up on some recipes. To make Zelda’s favorite fruitcake, do I boil any two fruits, cane sugar, and some milk? I tried that, but it didn’t work just right. Maybe I’ll try again on a blood moon night and get better results...I just wanted to surprise Zelda with her favorite cake and a bouquet of Silent Princess flowers once this whole mess is over. I think she’ll like that.

Also, damn that king was hard on her! Leave poor Zelda alone! She didn’t really have time to process her mother’s death and cope with her grief, and the gods, who were supposed to grant her powers, just upped and abandoned her without the slightest explanation. Just...she’s been through a lot. And she’s only a teen. Please give her some space to figure things out. She’s smart--I know she can do it.

Then I stumbled upon the docks! I had heard from a traveler in a stable that there was a shrine there! You could also sneak into the castle from the docks, but uhhhh there were quite a few black Lizalfoes guarding the area, so that’s a no-go. The shrine itself wasn’t really hard to activate if you want all of the torches to have the same state of being, that is, haha. I can blame my anal tendencies for that. Of course it had to be a major combat trial--that really smarts!

And the last bit I found was in the dining room. I defeated a couple of black moblins and helped myself to the heaping amounts of food on the polished castle tables. I mean, they’re not gonna need it anymore where they’re going, right?

And that’s pretty much it for inside the castle. I found and shit-ton of really neat weapons and shields within the castle, so I helped myself, haha. More weapons for me means less for the enemy~

I went outside seeing as I could just sneak around anymore (and even that was getting difficult by the positioning of the enemies), and holy fuck outside is absolute CHAOS. MALICE AND RED SPARKS EVERYWHERE, GUARDIANS ABOUT--I HAD A RED LASER POINTED TO MY HEAD EVERY TWO MINUTES. And, stupid me, I entered this coliseum, which is obviously a trap, and had to stave off a blue Lynel AND fucking annoying floating skull moblin heads. Damn those things! But I prevailed and marveled at how that was the second Lynel I defeated for the day! Too bad the blood moon will erase all that...

Lastly, it was getting too chaotic for me. I found another coliseum, but if I fight another Lynel, I’m gonna lose some of the really powerful equipment I’m staking my life for, and that’s no fun. Then the guardians found me, fired there lasers, and I almost died!

And that’s the story of my first trip to Hyrule Castle. In the end, I didn’t get that Hylian Shield (although I’ve heard that it lies somewhere in the castle and the best way to get it is through the mineshaft I entered from), BUT I got a lot of neat weapon shit to compensate my disappointment! Seriously, I found a Great Frostblade, a Great Flameblade, a Goron Stone Smasher (or whaterver it’s called), and a couple of other really powerful swords and bows. I’m satisfied...for now. Someday, I’ll go back and get that Hylian Shield.

I wonder if I should challenge myself to destroy every enemy I encounter when I storm the castle for real lol

[ratralsis]

I really feel awful today. Like, physically. Just super exhausted and miserable.

Been making a lot of dumb mistakes at work, nothing major, just little things I wish I’d be better at. The tools are all there, I just need to be more thorough and check everything more closely. I’m doing a lot more stuff on my own lately, which means nobody’s there to help out, so the boss is pretty understanding about it. So that’s good.

And like, I don’t know, I’m still lonely and sad a lot of the time. I deleted that dating app off of my phone yesterday. I figured that two months without anybody messaging me was a pretty clear sign that it wasn’t going to work out. I guess I actually need to reinstall it so I can deactivate my account though, now that I’m thinking of it. Shit.

Can’t blame the app. I’m just not somebody people see and say “yep, I want to date that person.” I’m pretty used to it. Well, in the sense that it doesn’t surprise me any more. It still sucks.

Also still playing Zelda every day. Got every non-amiibo and non-jewelry piece of armor maxed out. 99 shrines, 134 Korok Seeds. The three special mounts, plus a 2/5/3 horse I named Freddie and a 4/4/5 horse I named Soybean. Soybean is solid blue and I changed her mane to long and purple. Freddie is black with a white mane. I used the same name on an earlier horse with 4/¾ stats. Same reason. I named the giant horse Mercury for the same reason, too. It’s just very funny to me to name animals after Freddie Mercury, and I won’t apologize for it.

I still need to grind for star fragments. I got lucky and found one randomly. Only one, though. I saw another one fall, but couldn’t find it. There was no glowing column from the impact site like the second one I saw (which is the one I got, u surprisingly).

Still haven’t done any of the four main dungeons. When I got too close to Hyrule Castle so I could hunt the Lynels that live there, a little cutscene played and I reloaded a previous save to save that cutscene for later. When I do go to fight Calamity Ganon, I’m going to probably mop the floor with him. And I’m okay with that.

Still think the Barbarian Armor looks really dumb. There’s a set of Fierce Deity Armor that has the exact same stats, but it requires an amiibo that hasn’t been released yet. I’ve considered cheating and tricking the game into thinking I have it, but that just feels so unsportsmanlike. I can’t justify it. Plus, the Fierce Deity​ Armor has weird requirements to upgrade. Even the Barbarian Armor only needed me to kill a fuckton of Lynels. No big deal once I had maxed armor and food to boost my attack power. I also needed dragon parts, but those are way, way easier to get than Lynel guts. Like, almost foolishly easy, once you have the shrines and the two-star armors.

I guess… I’m nowhere near done with the game. I’m not bored with it yet. I have a lot left that I want to do, and I’m enjoying it. But I am beginning to feel a bit silly. It’s like Animal Crossing. I feel like everybody I made friends with when Megatown first started has moved on, and I haven’t. I’m still puttering around my little town, occasionally buying stuff from my catalog for strangers and worrying about how I’m wasting my life.

I met with a realtor on Sunday. I’m old, I have a steady job, and I have a decent income. I want to live in my own house instead of an apartment. Somewhere where I can set up dressers and shelves so my socks aren’t in a pile on a box next to my closet. I have a fucking sock pile. My bed has no frame. If I had gotten any messages through that dating app, I’d have been too embarrassed to bring anybody back to my place. At least, not without pre-apologizing for everything ahead of time.

I’m so tired of living in apartments. I’ve done it for ten years, and I know people do it their whole lives, but honestly, I just hate it. So I’d like to see if I can. Maybe I can’t! I don’t know yet! Maybe it’ll work out as well as the dating thing!

I don’t know. I don’t want to write anymore. I might delete this later when I inevitably reread it.

[nasanerd09]

Big ol’ post, nothing major plot wise though (there’s a little bit about like, backstory stuff)

Akkala, East Necluda, Hateno Village, Mt. Lanayru, Necluda Sea (in that order)

shrine, plot, gameplay mechanics/sidequest, enemies, shrine again

Ok, so I explored most of Akkala today. I walked right into a Lynel, and somehow miraculously escaped with my life. I’m annoyed I still can’t take them on yet (I tried. didn’t die because I got kicked off a cliff before I ran out of hearts, but yeah it wasn’t pretty), but I did feel like a BAMF when I took on Tu Ka’loh Shrine on Lomei Labyrinth Island. There was a guardian there that I just, shot repeatedly in the face. Single ones don’t scare me anymore, since they take a while to charge up the laser and they’re pretty still while they’re doing that so they’re easy to shoot. Haven’t really tried to take down a sky guardian yet though. 

Anyways, I also went to the Akkala  Ancient Tech Lab, and after firing up the oven and finding out I can get guardian tech gear, I found a journal and read it. And... dude. It says where Link fell in battle 100 years ago. And it was somewhere I’d been! I went back to Fort Hateno, and there’s all these guardian remains strewn about, gosh it must have been an ugly battle. Although I’m impressed Link and the soldiers took out as many guardians as they did. Facing off against one isn’t hard. I shudder to think what it’s like taking on an army of them. Anyways, there was one that was still alive. And here I was getting ready to use like, 10 or so arrows on it, and then I’m like... hey, I have those cool ancient arrows from the trailer now. They’re supposed to do devastating damage to guardians. Let’s try one. So I walk out from my hiding place and stare that motherfucker in the eye and just calmly shoot it while it’s getting ready to fire the lasers.

AND IT EXPLODED. ONE SHOT KILL. Not this time bitch! (I really wanna draw that moment in comic form or something).

Moving on, dude, you can buy a house in Hateno Village. The construction guy knocks the price down from 10,000 to 3000 rupees as long as you bring him wood for construction, and that’s honestly not hard to swing at all. So guess who has a house now (he’ll also add stuff like furniture and gardens and weapon mounts, which I’m doing a bit of). I’m glad for the weapon mounts, because now I can store Mipha’s lightscale trident and not worry about using and breaking it. T^T (my pretty Zora princess waifu I’m still wrecked by the memories with her btw). 

Moving on, I went to Mt. Lanayru trying to track down a memory (turns out it was a different spring, ah well) and fought a dragon. Granted, it doesn’t really attack you, but it was still difficult. I wish I’d gotten a picture of it after getting rid of the curse though *smacks head against table*

And finally. Eventide Island. BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. I burned up all my stamina replenishing stuff trying to get there (like an idiot), and once I set foot on it... BAM. All your stuff is gone. No clothes, no food, no weapons, nada. “Yo hero. Make like Robinson Crusoe and survive using just your wits and what you can scavenge. You pass when you take the three orbs to the three pedestals. Then you get your stuff back.” No warning, whatsoever. Which sucked. Idk if I could have warped away and left the trial, my pride didn’t let me try. I got done in by a FUCKING HINOX trying to get the last orb. That and a slate of stone blocking one of the pedestals. If anyone knows how to move those damn things, I’d appreciate the suggestion -_- I tried EVERYTHING. Anyways, I died by way of Hinox foot and after the Game Over woke up back on the mainland with all my stuff back. Except my stamina stuff, that was still gone unfortunately. Turns out, the way you’re supposed to get there is to glide over from the cliff, but i’m not making another run until I figure out how to move those stone slabs at least. And maybe get some more heart containers. Stupid Hinox. They’re not that difficult if you have a high spot to snipe and chuck bombs from, but there really isn’t one there. That and you have an extremely limited supply of arrows that you can find. Ugh.

Ok, rant over. I’m gonna go back to sprucing up my house.

[thegeminisage]

time for MORE ZELDABLOGGING hell yeah today’s stream of consciousness:

i’ve decided that i wanna go south bc like im never gonna catch up with my brother and im Not in the mood to do heat-resistence stuff so i might as well see a thing he hasn’t, right?!

if i get too bored i can always turn around and go north!!

furthermore he’s getting closer to hyrule castle and i dont wanna lol

fast traveled to the dueling peaks and found the tower already

ooh and lake hylia is south as well! tho ofc im doing the southeast one first

and i’ll probably get tired of storyless exploring before i get out that far hahaha

wow the tower is close to the border, i can see the lake hylia province from here

there’s an Immense palm tree lookin jungle and i think i see a giant armos?

but the mountains divide it pretty neatly so it looks to be an easy walk assuming those guardian statues don’t move

ah. of course they move.

at least they can’t get up and walk around :|

too bad you can’t play around in the menu while you wait out rain. i’d rewatch m memories and shit

i climbed this one red looking cliff and the sky went green and the weather changed to all cloudy forever so im probably about to die

and just like that, glided to the tower. easy peasy

ah, the faron province!! cooool

ah wow!! it’s bigger than i realized *w*

watching a lightning storm from one of these towers is fucking terrifying

that lightning does Not fuck around

the maddening thing about this game is seeing so much cool shit in the distance and you can’t check it out yet, or it would be such hard work

i see some glowy shit and a giant pink tree and i wanna explore everything but also it’s so Much

it’s kind of creepy out here :/ maybe i want to go do story after all lol

im ging back to the shrine you hang glide off of so i can start from  somewhere familiar >_>

idk why im so cautious playing this game. like. its a game. its not like it can hurt me

im having trauma flashbacks looking at eventide island

wait is this a

i hear town music!!! omg omg

PEOPLE ;_;

ohhhh my gosh what a beautiful peaceful beachside town

reminds me of bodhum/new bodhum and bits and piece of ff11, which i say with the greatest reluctance

i love everyone in this village just bc they are here

oh god it’s so beautiful i love beaches so much i want to live here

oh my gosh there’s a gerudo here!!!!!! OH MY GOD I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE MM TALK TO ME

she’s asleep in the inn lol

oh hey the painter dude is here too

some of these hylian npcs are poc which is so do cool and overdue

ooh a chest game

i lost lmao

OH MY GOD

the gerudo lady is awake and she is. so tall oh my god

im gay

i am Gay

I Am Gay

oh, man. oh man

are they all  so beautiful. so Strong. good god

i wish this village was bigger i could have happily stayed here for hours

omg

someone a long time ago was standing on a mountain that looked like a broken heart and was like, is this not the place to find your soulmate…? but i haven’t found mine yet

someone mentioned a similar legend here and on the map i see a mountain with a whole heart on it pfffft

im so sick of seeing these stone cirlces everywhere…i can’t blow them up..what do you DO with them? complete the pattern maybe??

oh my god it worked

i’ve passed by so many…how will i ever get all these seeds……..

i know the game wants me to sail here but i hate sailing, it’s tedious, i want to control my boat with the fucking control stick

holy fuck dude the sword im using is so strong?? it cut down a palm in a single swipe!!

the longer i play the more i hate the blood moon

oh no i found a hinox

i was going to avoid him but he has an orb….

idk where it goes tho so there’s no point there’s no point the blood moon will bring him back okay Okay

hes a red one anyway so no big, when the time comes

oh my god ANOTHER hinox with an orb

i bet they go to the twin shrines near the village

but i’m supposed to find a tablet before i do that…….i don’t wanna skip another quest like the zora helm also thats a Long walk jesus christ

NNNONONONO GOD

GUARDIAN THAT CAN WALK OVER THERE NO FUCKING THANKS SO GLAD IT DIDN’T SEE ME

so fucking glad

exploring is so dangerous Why

why do i suck SO much at combat

oooh a bokoblin camp with a black mobiln :/ Yikes

aaand bomb arrows takes care of THAT

i love seeing farosh flying around here but i can NEVER CATCH HIM

i was just a few minutes too late to getting him at a really good spot

but the dragons seem to take the same route over 24h, so there’s that

oh hey im back at green cloud plateau

okay Um am i crazy or did i just hear something roar? was that the wind??

oh god i see a question mark from here something already knows im close

oh ogd oh god why i bet it’s big and awful

IT’S A LYNEL LOL

i dont have any healing or defense stuff no way

oh no i think there’s a shrine up there where he is ): but i can’t get it

AND A HINOX RIGHT NEXT TO HIM? NO THANKS LOL

jesus i knew i’d die here

at least there’s no orb on this one

oh noooo more lightning god the storms here are brutal

omg i found shelter behind a waterfall and there’s the shrine i was sensing!! yes!!!!!

holy fuck im not safe here either i nearly just got fried

in the shrine we go holy shit

may the weather be better when i get out

damn i keep finding ore today… #blessed

I SAW FAROSH AGAIN HE WAS SO CLOSE BUT I WAS STILL TOO SLOW…okay they DEFINITELY take the same route everyday i think

or at least if not at the same time, the same places

ugh i went over to this one place and the weather turned to all lightning forever

KASS? HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU’RE GONNA GET FRIED

im so glad to see him ;_; it’s creepy out here

uh…i think…i have to get struck by lightning…on this hill…oh my god i’ll die???

maybe my lightning rod will work……? please…………..?

aaaaand it did nothing. great. ok

/saves game

……../dons metal armor weapons and shield

LMAO IT WORKED HOLY SHIT

oh my god im alive!!!! i had mipha’s grace just in case but i took an electric elixir

jesus FUCK

yes nice i didnt even have to do anything just get the…chest…….

B R O

i got rubber tights!!! electric resistance!!!!! NICE

ah and when i came out the storm was over :3

but kass is gone ): i wanted to tell him i figured out his song!!!

i knew i should have talked to him before i went in :/

lol i find a boat after playing in the water for 100 years…..not that i wouldve used it, but

aw i met and saved a traveling couple, i’ve saved them before

oh my gosh a STABLE!! all the way out here!!!!

THERE ARE PEOPLE

man i wondered what that couple was doing out in such a remote place

oh wow beedle gave me a single ancient arrow…apparently it deals huge damage even to guardians

maybe this is what the start screen meant by the right tools!!!!

but there’s only one…

robbie from akkala gave it to him…NICE i’ll remember

ah some guy here said there was something glowing at the top of floria waterfall…i gotta check that out

ooh a shrine back here too…nice

god there’s a chest in here that’s REALLY hard to get bc camera angles but it has an ancient core (looked it up) and i need one to upgrade my runes………smh

man…nah. im out. there will be other cores & this is crazy ridiculous

its just the stasis rune anyway and i use that one the least

five big hearty radishes means TWENTY FIVE EXTRA HEARTS

but you can only have a max of 30 lol so

AAAH HERE COMES FAROSH AND IM FINALLY AHEAD OF WHERE HE’LL BE OH MY GOD

I HIT HIM I HIT HIM

I FINALLY GOT A SCALE

almost died for it but. i got it. he throws electricity involuntarily and it’s major stuff i shoulda worn my rubber gear

i kinda wanna wait and see if i can get another……..but i have shit to do

holy shit farosh came back around & i got another scale…wish i could hit his horn

AAAH NO A GIANT STONE THING IS HERE….i have no idea how to fight them im leaving

well idk if the stone thing or the dragon or the shrine was what was supposed to be glowing up here but i don’t see anything new

im almost done exploring this province, actually

gotta walk along one beach and climb the heart mountain and that’s it!

a little tempted to grab my horse since it’s such an easy direct road, but i’d be getting on and off all the time ):

fml there’s a guardian on this beach…pls dont move pls dont pls dont

oh thank god its stuck in the sand

omg there was a chest in the sand but it WASNT A CHEST it was one of those yellow octoroks!!!! but!! i shot it! and got money!!!!!!!! #nice

NOOOO another stone thing!!

but you know the last one took a lot of damage from one accidental bomb so maybe

how do you fight it?? i can’t damage it???

OH OMG THE ORE THING!!! OKAY LET’S DO THIS SHIT let’s go i cooked up so much good food

oh my god i took him down in just a handful of bomb arrows…THATS what ive been running from?

not nearly as scarly as lynel tbh

and i’ve been marking the minibosses on my map so now i can look for jewels there if i ever need to

i found a fuckton in this region but lol i sold them all

i know one great fairy needs 10k rupees and like…..Yikes

im getting pretty good with my bow, i can hit far off targets bc i know how high to aim and shit

i’ve kind of been wondering what happens if you get to the edge of the map

but the wind gets so strong on the beaches i bet you just either run out of stamina if swimming or can’t make the boat get past it if sailing

but what happens if you get to a land edge though…?

i actually dislike getting to edges of maps haha it creeps me out. that disreality unrealization shit. no thanks

in la noire the edges of the map have u-turn streets and you realize the cars are all just on one endless track and no one is in them and no one ever goes home and you start to wonder if this actual universe is a simulation and it freaks you out

anyway.

omfg someone from the yiga clan selling bananas like i actually could have bought some if i wanted LMAO

he actually had me fooled for a moment even though i know what npcs named “traveler” mean

why do they all give me bananas when they die anyway………whats going on with this.

oh my god this dude at the heart shaped pond is in love with this gerudo lady here. and like. same oh my god she’s so Big

but lol you can choose to say “yeah talk to her” or “nope, rival time!”

me: aggressively wants to flirt with the gerudo lady but not in a straight way

pls this cutscene was so cute

but she deserves better than a weirdo like this guy

he like, gave me a twenty, and she fussed at him for being stingy, so then he have me a hundred, and THEN

HE ASKED FOR HIS MONEY BACK LMFAO no way fucknuts

wow and with that im All Done with this province O:

i mean yeah i got quests and shrines to come back and do, but i’ve SEEN everything, yk

maybe now i’ll go up to death mountain haha i feel so slow ): i hope what i saw and did made up for my slow story progress

whoa this weapons guy said he’d remake mipha’s trident if i ever broke it!! what a relief

ah i finally figured out the shrine puzzle by zora’s domain…gotta give that thing a dragon scale. but i like my dragon scales too much so i won’t. maybe later

oh hey the death mountain region tower! that was easy

uhhh what…is that

oh my god a FLYING GUARDIAN are you KIDDING me??? why???????

and they’re everywhere! fantastic!!! my ass is DEAD

oh okay this region is called akkala

at least i get guardian arrows here eventually :|

oh my god ONE SAW ME FUCK

oh my god

I RAN UP TO THE TOWER AND IT’S COVERED IN THE BLIGHT

what is that thing crawling all over death mountain?!

what is happening OH my god!!! so much!! everything!!! all at once!!!!!!!!

wait

that’s the divine beast

oh my god

oh my god.

oh my god it’s so big but even still it looks tiny in comparison to the mountain, oh my god

omg it gets cold up here only at night?? omg

NO there’s a still guardian up here too ;_;

i’m gonna try to kill it!!! good first try it can’t move and there’s cover RIGHT here

second try really but im stronger now

now, i have bomb arrows and lightning rods

ok lightning rod does nothing, bomb arrows dont work in the rain, but i killed it with shock arrows!!

and it wasnt v hard bc i was behind cover the whole time lol

but like, with those arrows - i used maybe 9 or 10? and that was all i used, i threw a couple of bombs at it too i guess

now to figure out how i even get IN here w/ all this gunk…..

fuck a bokoblin near a cooking pot saw me and accidentally set itself on fire lmao

ok i can’t climb past the blight, i tried, but how the fuck do i get rid of it i dont see any eyeballs )))):

……………………….w ait

this bokoblin has a shield with the hylian crest on it. the HYLIAN crest

these ruins have the red carpet with the double line of gold on the side

i’m crying this was someplace special

i don’t know what it was bc it can’t be the temple of time or hyrule castle but it was someplace real i recognize the style of it so faintly and it’s COVERED IN BLIGHT

oh my god………..this is so Much

ah ok a beam fell when i shot the first eyeball and i was like why arent there anymore?? but apparently i can magnesis it

oh wow i found a piece of a room…….totally trashed, jesus christ

must’ve been a lab or library

omg its thundering outside…..that has nothing to do with zelda but it makes this creepier

THERE’S A GUARDIAN AT THE TOP SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

its not alive tho thank christ

jesus fuck the divine beast is SO BIG and the mountain is still SO MUCH BIGGER i feel so tiny every time i look

anyway it’s 5am and there’s lightning so i gotta unplug for many reasons, this is a fine stopping place, can’t wait to get my ass kicked by that thing and rescue a goron, holy fuck