#lyn is venting

[lavenderlyncis]

Tw - a joke about recovery from addiction

Me: damn i can't find my work socks and now i'm way too late

Also me: yk that 500 day clean streak? Yeah lol, we should probably call in sick and get rid of that. Just to see what happens🤭🤭

[ofishialy]

I've prayed to you every day with no answer.

[lynsstrange]

(Color guard rant of the month) knowing I’m going to be captain next year scares the shit out of me when I see my current captain (who did dance for years) pick up advanced sabre choreography in a half hour and know the correct counts to it when I could barely REMEMBER the first third 💀 that’s what I get when I joined freshmen year with no dance/choreography background. I clawed my way up over the course of three years and disregarded my mental health so many times to be where I am but still will forever lack the natural talent some people have. And that fact makes me truly upset sometimes

[lofi-toast]

[kyliivan]

my interest in hsr is so hyper focused around Sampo that the thought of not actually getting a satisfying continuation to his character genuinely terrifies me, because I feel like at that point I would completely lose interest in the game which makes me sad to think about because I really love this game way more than I thought I ever would.

[trainerlynda]

Anger makes me sick sadness makes me sick annoyance makes me sick too much of any negative emotion makes me sick damn it damn my powers damn being an empath damn it damn it damn it why am I like this why can't I be normal?

[lynbaccha]

Maybe one of these days I can dabble into Arvak's relationship with his mother. That's... Something.

[lindalofbroome]

02 - Ambition

‘The sad thing is,’ Britta found herself saying, ‘that Vashti could no doubt be a very good trader if only her father would trust in her talent and leave her alone.’

STAR OF DELTORA The Hungry Isle Ch 18 - Friends

i dont know if rodda would write more for this series because it's pretty closed now. but there's still a part of me yearning for more. and i want so bad for vashti to have some agency and some redemption. she was the antagonist in a literary sense and she does have that White Woman™ vibes, but she's also just a kid and i dont think she's evil at heart. sod didn’t really end up going down the direction of exploring the moral greyness of people and your individuality as much, but like i can dream.

i feel like her parent/s were in her ear ever since she was born, fuelling a desire in her to win the apprenticeship and to be The Best. they nurtured her as a tool, but not as a person. not excusing her bullying and undermining, because that’s horrible, but does she know anything else? if her ‘superiors’ are not treating her with kindness and goodness, why would she treat her perceived ‘inferiors’ any differently.

anyway this post could be interpreted as vashti’s ambition. it pushed her to want the apprenticeship enough to cheat and bully. taking every advantage she could. on ship and off ship. take no prisoners mentality. belittling and dehumanising her opponents in her mind, clouding her judgement. similar to jasmine’s opponents in the rithmere games. a burly del-ignorant brute? a devious scavenging rascal? a poor shopkeeper’s daughter? vashti let her assumptions cloud her judgement, and now her enemies are bonded against her. she didn’t really have a chance.

but this post was about her parent/s when i drew up the sketch. i don’t know if her mother, irma, was as directly involved. the books reference her father, loy, much more often in meddling. so i dont know if she’s just like, his trophy wife or something like that and just let things happen warily, or if she held the same ambitions and was his accomplice. either way i would still direct blame on her, even if she was only indirectly responsible because i can’t believe that she was in the dark on the matter.

the vibes im getting out of this parent-daught relationship reminds me of that B99 episode where peralta and holt are talking about the kid graffiting police cars

Peralta: His daddy comes in and bails him out every time. He’s a lucky little jerk.

Holt: No, I wouldn’t say he was lucky. I feel bad for this kid. I mean, what kind of father cares so little for his son that he lets him get away with everything?

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE S01 E02

it’s not directly the same. but, at least to me, it’s clear that vashti is not seen as a daughter to be loved and led and encouraged to a prosperous future by them, but a tool and a key to a prosperous future for them. you know?

‘From what I have heard since I have been in here, Vashti’s father has been training her and her younger sisters for years with this contest in mind. He already has three ships of his own, but he wants control of the Trader fleet as well — especially the Star of Deltora.’  [Jewel said.]

STAR OF DELTORA Shadows of the Master Ch 9 The Announcement

like bruh??? imagine. having the fucking audacity. i hope that in a world where vashti wins, she eventually learns that he doesnt and shouldnt have power over her and something she won. it doesnt matter that he raised her, that he taught her things she knows. not everything she has was from him, and theres room for stuff outside of him.

i. also forgot she had siblings because it’s never mentioned again except in that quote. but i guess vashti is always on the periphery anyway. but i was thinking that the other candidates are older than britta, who just scraped in at 15, but i dont have concrete numbers in mind lol.

as i was working on this i was thinking maybe vashti was 18. i cant remember if i really had reasons for that or if i chose that arbitrarily alskdj like i guess she might be more used to being composed and more experienced and stuff which makes her intimidating. but she can be younger and still act like that.

but then i was thinking about since she technically also just scraped in (but on the other end) and then the implications of that hit me in the face. like her parent/s were already on her case, but the fact that she just got in probably increased their desperation and longing, and it would’ve been even worse than previous years. the familiar anticipation was manifesting into a lustful grab for power. it was scary. it was overwhelming. there was nothing but a need to make them happy. it’s no longer about a personal accomplishment but a trophy to sate her parents’ hunger. and of course it wouldn’t last. and if they had a taste for something so big, they’d only demand more and more. where would it end.

[wetdogsquad]

Nonononono

We were just settling down

I can't go off my hormones now

The house is still in probate, we can sell it yet

I went in for an ADHD diagnosis a month ago and they gave me a bunch of other diagnoses too, including depression. Even if I go to therapy for 18 months, I'm not allowed to transition anymore because of that diagnosis.

Fuck Missouri fuck this country they're fucking killing us and everyone is just standing by.

[lavenderlyncis]

Okay, so, this is gonna be a long post about my gender identity I guess, because I have been struggling and need to express it in some way

Tw: struggle with gender identity and experiences with misgendering

I usually don't care about labels too much. I do what I want and that's it. For the past year and a half I have gradually outed myself to people as a trans man. I have an ID with my preferred gender and even a job with my "new" name. And I am happy about that

However, it's always been all a bit weird to me. Most of you don't know what I look like, so it's easy for you to gender me correctly, but if you knew what I looked like, if you knew me irl, you'd have big issues since I don't look trans at all. I barely look masc. The very most people assume of me is that I am a lesbian, but no one ever thinks of me as man. Every single person in my life has a problem with gendering me correctly. Every single one. There is no one who never made a mistake, even those that never knew me under my deadname

I've been told that that's a privilege. Since I don't look trans, I'm safe from hate crimes by people that don't know me (if you disregard the whole looking like a woman or lesbian thing that makes going outside inherently dangerous). But it's really not. Getting misgendered every day of your life by everyone that you've ever known is not a privilege. Knowing the only people I could ever date are bisexuals because I am not man enough to be desired by gay men or straight women and not wan enough for straight men and gay women is not great either. I struggle with feeling undesireble and monstrous anyway, I really did not need the extra pressure

I guess maybe I am not a man. Maybe I'm genderfluid. Going back and forth between it all. I am never a woman. But sometimes I am not really a man. I mean, look at me. Listen to the sound of my voice, my mannerisms. It's not very masculine at all. Sometimes I do look more traditionally male. Or like someone despereately trying to do so

I love tumblr. On here, I get treated like a flamboyant man and I know that other people here actually see me that way. But my real life is so much more different. It's barely survivable. Sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just go back to being a woman on here so it would hurt less when I have to go into the real world. Not even my therapiat can gender me correctly, she always does it wrong and then corrects herself

But I don't want that. I am not a woman. It's just that no one else sees that. Not even other trans people. Yes, other trans people that I know irl have trouble with gendering me correctly. There is some hope however. I have a friend group that... really tries to gender me correctly and enforce it with everyone around us. They do make mistakes, but I feel like they are the only ones who are really getting it. Ironically, they are all cishet people and I am one of the maybe 2 queer people that they know, yet somehow they are better allies to me than most of the queer people I met in my life (with one big exception but that's not relevant right now)

Why am I even like this? Life would be so much easier if I were just someone else. I'm even tired of correcting people when they misgender me. One of my uni friends misgenders me a lot. She doesn't mean to, she just... doesn't know a lot about the topic I guess. And I don't know how to correct her. I don't want her to feel guilty about it and I am tired of explaining things to everyone all the time. Every time I introduce myself with my male name, I either have to justify myself for being named that way, or the other person just assumes I'm a woman anyway. The only people who have gendered me correctly immediately are people that only know me through emails since they have never seen my face

AND I DON'T EVEN MAKE A HOT WOMAN, THIS IS A SCAM

And sometimes I don't mind being feminine, I like it. I just am never ever a woman. Now, I actively try to make myself more masc, even if that's not what I want all the time, just so people believe me that I'm trans. Yesterday, I had a Professor say to me that it's great that I support trans people. Sir... I am one of those trans people and you KNOW that! Why is it so hard to believe??? I DON'T GET IT

The only person at uni who really gets it is my History professor. He's a real one. My favourite person on earth

In conclusion, I am probably going to a self help group now

[lynsstrange]

.

[lofi-toast]

Yeah uhh.. please read, I'm genuine about this one

I don't think being on a discord server with my favorite people/artist is doing any help, yeah I can be with the one I admire most there but, also not really? Hope that makes sense

It feels weird not being able to like- chat with them or interact in some sort of way cause I think of what I'm gonna say first, checking if everything's what I want it to be, spelling, grammar, that kind of shit but. I overthink, I overthink those words and just don't say it afterwards

It's fun just scrolling/back reading at any chat, having fun on some drawing sites. For me at least.

Anyways sorry for ranting again fuckinn hell XD

[michaelwatt]

I'm so sick and doped up. Thank god I'm off today

I think I'mma just reread the angelbutter tag on ao3, watch hot fuzz, and nap all day.

Mayhaps get to that saucy ed x shaun piece but i'unno. Brain go brr

[trainerlynda]

Do people really see me like that just some beast to train some monster to tame i feel sick i feel gross what the fuck what the hell ugh

[reshinless]

☆ ❝ 𝐢-𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫. ❞ ⋆ hsr x reader

synopsis. taking your v-card woahh!!!1!!!

warnings. virgin!reader, mirror fucking (or wtv its called, blade's prt), making out (jing yuan's part), nsfw and sex in general idk what else to warn u abt

author's note. bad writing alert barf ew!, also to the people calling me lyn or sea in my inbox i think you guys are funny /pos lol

pairings. blade, jing yuan, luocha, gepard.

blade likes the idea of him being your first. especially about how innocent you are, it turns him on!! corruption kink go crazy, and definitely when he sees you so dumb on his cock. type of guy to tell you that your hole is made for him, because it is! the way you take him so well.. and especially when it's the first cock you'd ever bounce on?! waa please it makes him so horny, makes him just want even more of you!! his long-lasting stamina doesn't help you out at all from endless rounds of your poor overstimulated hole. the pretty little claw marks on his back from fucking you makes him proud when he looks up to see them in the mirror, he's the first person to ever make you do that, why wouldn't he be proud?

jing yuan falls in love all over again when he hears you are a virgin. so incredibly happy and smug to be your first. it's up to you if you want it to be vanilla or rough, just forever proud to be someone as precious as you's first. start out probably with a makeout session! probably real messy with it, and slowly his kisses trace down somewhere else.. gives head so well :33, does it messily on purpose and he gladly show off his cum covered tongue and swallow your load infront of you!! the loudest sounds ever too.. especially when he got you bent over his desk just all wet and ready to take in his cock, and letting his cock, be the first inside you!!

luocha.. hmm.. will make your first the best, will treat you right with his huge cock, probably mostly vanilla, depends when you mentioned to him that you're a virgin, i guess? just takes it slow with you, it's your first time so, he wants to make it at least somewhat romantic, and something you can remember and label it pleasuring. makes sure your pleasure come first. out of everything it's you who matters the most to him, but.. if you really want your first time to be something that you really couldn't walk over, sure. he'll be rough as hell, just if you ask, but when he's really into the moment, you won't be able to slow him down, and will go as rough as he wants to. remembers to sort of apologize after that though.. help

gepard probably is also a virgin, but it isn't uncommon for him to go lowkey rough. still remembers you are his biggest priority, in terms of pleasure, and in general. just wants you to feel good, let his cock be the first to make you feel like that. probably the kind of guy that jerked off to this kind of moment. just you using his cock for your own pleasure, but he knows you wouldn't really be the type of person to do that. probably that kind of guy to put you into a mating press and just vent out his frustration from work all into thrusting his mean cock into your overstimulated hole!

i'll probably make a part 2 of this soon !!

[sm-baby]

Does Mae-Lyn have other jobs when she’s not being the royal jester? I just loved ur art abt the king not recognizing them out of costume and imagined that Mae-Lyn is also the peasant barkeep who he vents to about his struggles (getting insulted and cockblocked) and Mae-Lyn just nods along. Lowkey into King becoming enfatuated with them above the noblewomen while never making the connection between them and the jester he fucking hates, sorry 🥺..

Nahh, but i do like the image of Mei-lyn and the king being in the same bar and he just doesn't recognize her so he just vents to her while she steals her alcohol X) nothing more after that. just silly shenanigans in the castle.

Also nah! Other than Jester and loyalty inforcer she has no other job... her work pays her well enough already.