#lykoi rants

[lykoi]

Tumblr 2021 update, I quit my job due to logistical and also emotional issues, now working a grocery job that tbh pays near to what I was making for a large portion of my time with the office job. Not near my end rate, but what can you do 🤷

Wrapping up the first arc of my Waterdeep campaign next week, got very into The Strings of Fate podcast (pls go listen), and am slowly working on plotting out a book. Having existential panics at the drop of a hat for the past 2 months or so, which makes it hard to read the things I've been trying to get to. Planning my first tattoo. I'll be 34 tomorrow.

Things are still hard, but the windows are open on a rainy day and the dog is snoozing on the other side of the couch, so.

[jaijaitbinks]

A Long Collection of inessential Genos, Saitama, and GenoSai headcanons that gradually get more chaotic

Individual Headcanons:

Saitama has no connection with his parents whatsoever. He practically raised himself. And, as a result, he hasn't had much of a childhood, and he isn't as knowledgeable as he should be about certain subjects due to lack of role models to teach him (projection go brr)

Genos initially learned how to cook si he could provide for Kuseno whenever he stopped by, because he secretly always felt bad for being a "burden" and for distancing himself from the man for the first 1 1/2 years since becoming a cyborg. He and Kuseno spoke about his feelings, however, and now he just learns cuz he gets bored on his hunt for the Mad Cyborg sometimes.

Saitama used to have trichotillomania, and it was what he first thought caused his hair loss. Additionally, after about a month of having godly strength, he knows the exact reason why he lost his hair (and no, it was not his strength. Kinda.)

Genos simultaneously loves autumn and hates it. Loves it cuz pretty, hates it cuz overactive (and edgy teen) brain is reminded of dying almost every time the season comes.

Saitama has ADHD-PI (ADHD predominantly inattentive). He is also autistic, with auditory and vestibular stims.

Genos has ADHD-HI (ADHD hyperactive-impulsive). Like Saitama, he has autism as well, but he has visual stims (he likes to zoom in and out on stuff with his robo eyes)

Saitama sees himself as a person heavily leaning towards Masc., and he's only ever known to be a man, but if someone somehow thought/referred to him as a different gender, he wouldn't care. (To this day, he justifies it as him not caring enough about a small mistake like that)

Genos also does not give a fuck if you thought of/referred to him as a different gender. He's too concerned about the Mad Cyborg to care whenever it happens.

Saitama has two exes. A shitty one and a chill one. He doesn't talk to either of them, but he did see them on the same day sometime after Genos moved in.

Genos has a massive soft spot for symbolism, major and small things alike. Aka: give him symbolic flowers and he probably won't throw them away immediately.

Saitama bites his nails when he's anxious. His palms are very calloused, too, compared to the rest of his skin.

Genos likes ducks—specifically Plumed Whistling ducks. He just thinks the feathers are neat.

Saitama loves lykois ("werewolf cats"). He spent 4 years begging his mom to get him one when he found out they existed. It didn't work.

Genos specifically asked Kuseno to make his latest arm set black because Saitama had told him once that black suited him.

Saitama used to be a D&D (or OPM universe equivalent) nerd when he was a young teen. He dropped it cuz of high school bullies (teachers included)

Genos sense of humor is just anything bizarre and loud.

Saitama takes long showers because he likes being enveloped in hot water. (Aka: he's touch starved to the 3rd degree)

Genos considered having Kuseno change his hair brown when he was 15.

Saitama despises beaches. Apart from the views, he hates everything about them and will actually go on a passionate rant about them.

Genos knows how to drive. Saitama doesn't.

Saitama used to work as an actor for a haunted house when he was 17.

Genos went through a grunge phase when he was 15.

Saitama knows how to steal without being caught, but he never uses that knowledge.

Genos eats straight sugar sometimes.

Saitama used to collect rocks, sticks, and marbles. He still has a few of those, sitting in a duffel bag he has in his closet.

Genos once got a shitty sticker stuck on his arm and couldn't get rid of it for a full week.

Saitama, prior to meeting Genos, used to go dumpster diving for paint cans so he could put graffiti on abandoned buildings.

Genos picked a fight with a squirrel once in his late teen years for "disrespecting Dr. Kuseno's property"

Saitama once put a hole in the wall from headbanging to music (punk rock, specifically). He put a ban on himself to never listen to it in the house again.

Genos spent an entire day chasing down a dog that took off with his (broken off) arm.

Saitama got stuck in a strip club overnight twice. Both times he was drunk and woke up under the stages. He snuck out when the clubs opened up again.

Genos burned half of Kuseno's hair when he was first learning how to use his fire attacks. He felt bad and burned his own to make it even.

Saitama snuck into his school during the night just to get back his favorite pencil that he left in his locker. He somehow didn't get caught.

Genos, before he learned proper combat, he used to have a "grab whatever's close and throw it" type of style of fighting. More often than not, it was usually chairs and tables he threw.

[showrunnerihardlyknowher]

Um I don’t know if this counts as an unpopular opinion or not, but I’ve seen this weird level of unwarranted familiarity/ownership that certain people have taken with other creators' ocs and it reads as creepy to me. I could be wrong though >_>

oh my GOD yes, I know exactly what you mean!! Like yes, it's great you love certain characters so much, but you need to remember that those aren't your toys to play with. And I feel like some of that blame can be lended to fanartists as well, which includes me. People start forgetting where that character originated from, what their canon story is, and start flocking to the artist for more haha funny doodles or epic drawings instead of...you know, the actual author?? The one who used the brain power to create said blorbo and all those stunningly written scenes?? But eh, why read the fic now, I can see all I need to see with these fanarts and just ask the artist, right?

And like I said, I'm really guilty of that. I LOVE Zeyro, I would die for that big hunky dog man, I would give him a smooch upon the forehead. Not to mention, he's in a canon relationship with my own OC. And I love the concept of the Lykoi in general!! I love that they and the Venandi are really two sides of the same coin when it comes to intergalactic takeover, except they're more emotion based while the cats are focused on the science.

But Zeyro is NOT my character. I can't answer questions about him or Kaneda because I don't know them. I can say what MY characters would do in a proposed situation with him, but I have no right to dictate how he'd react. People forget that he belongs solely to @bolshoycorvid and that if they want to know more about him, or if they want to know how origin story in this universe, they need to ask his actual creator instead of me who just likes to draw him and Ylva being cute sometimes.

And also mini side rant ooooohhhhh my gooooood stop telling creators what their characters would or wouldn't do!! They know EXACTLY what their characters would or wouldn't do, they literally came up with said character and all their personality traits and flaws!! I deadass have had people tell me "Edix wouldn't be that mean ):" or "Ylva would never be so cruel!!" when I LITERALLY just wrote them doing EXACTLY THAT!! Venandi are the villains of the stories!! Ylva murders old people for her job!! Edix killed like 76 people in front of Jacob when he's only supposed to be worried about flowers!! THEY ARE NOT NICE!!!!!!!!!

[lykoi]

the best thing about coming back to tumblr on occasion is knowing that the tag system, for all its flaws, still makes it a billion times easier to find things you would like to press your eyeballs against for a while instead of trying to navigate the murky and useless waters of twitter hashtags or like... general google searching (because I’m not touching Reddit)

the worst thing is getting into a Shiny New Thing and being ages behind whatever everyone is posting about and seeing Promising and Terrible references to things you have only glimmers of understanding about

[lykoi]

Me: Goes into the TMA tag to try to deal with the terrible nerves consuming me before the finale tomorrow

The TMA Tag: The existential dread this podcast delivers on the reg has now compounded with the end of the show and NO ONE IS OKAY

Me: exits the TMA tag

[lykoi]

I knew when I had to cancel my trip home last year that it was going to be very difficult, as I haven’t been back since 2015 and really there isn’t any time that I wouldn’t LIKE to be there.

But for the past month and a half my brain has been screaming at most hours of the day I HAVE TO GO HOME

Home is having one of the worst pandemic responses out there! I will not feel safe on a plane possibly ever again! Going would not be good or smart or even what I actually want, and would ONLY be dangerous and expensive

And yet the brain will continue to scream

[lykoi]

Me in my youth: Mom is really struggling with her ADD, I hope these new meds actually help, it seems really difficult

Me for the last several years seeing more and more information on how ADD/ADHD manifests: ..... hmmmm..... sure sounds........ like my internal life, not just.... my mom......

[lykoi]

coming back to tumblr and being able to just.... search for things?? is wild

twitter is... fine.... if you have a general group of people you don’t mind or enjoy seeing updates and likes from in a kind of grab bag opinion/art/news sort of deal, but searching??? for things on twitter??? awful

[lykoi]

We are in the new apartment now so maybe one day soon I will start having the stamina for Tumblr again

We have had two frogs come sit on our doormat and saw a rabbit just outside our door, so I'm feeling pretty good about it

However, it has taken everything in me not to just lay down every single moment I'm not at work, I am. So tired

It's wild to see all of our things again though, and to feel like... it feels like the pause button on life was suddenly undone, even if we're still only kind of running at a slower speed, even while I know I'm going to be grappling with the fear that it will be taken from us at any moment for a long time

It's time to figure out how to move and how to rest

[lykoi]

General life (mostly health) update under the cut

I’m in a very weird place health-wise despite being checked out by a handful of doctors in the past month.

Early in July my left arm and leg started going numb on and off. As someone who is always convinced they’re about to die at any given moment, I was pretty sure my body was telling me I was about to have a stroke. I was experiencing really heavy fatigue, the numbness was in my face, specifically my lips sometimes, I had weird persistent back pain, and my chest muscles felt so weak it felt to me like I should be having trouble breathing, but I wasn’t. I went to an Urgent Care, who sent me to the ER. I was on an EKG and a blood oxygen scanner for hours, they did my bloodwork, they took an x-ray of my chest and a CT Scan of my head. They referred me to a neurologist, who I met with weeks later.

I’m fine.

Which is to say... everything looks great. Bloodwork is good, all scans were clear, they couldn’t find anything wrong at all. They think I fucked up a nerve in my back and it’s going to misfire information to my other nerves until it calms down. I started experiencing numbness in my other limbs, too, but after weeks of this, it’s... much less.

Except for when literally anything goes wrong.

Through kind of... constant examination of my symptoms, of how I’m reacting to certain things, of how I’m sleeping and how hydrated I am through the day, and talking things out with my wife who guides me through my various health panics and tendencies to assume the worst, we’ve kind of narrowed down what might be going on

Really, really annoyingly, it seems like my anxiety has escalated to the point of causing numbness. It’s given me chest pains for years, and lately with uhhhh... so much going on, it seems like when it’s spiraling pretty badly, even when I’m not conscious of it. My face starts going numb, intense fatigue starts to set in, and then because it makes me actively begin to panic my chest starts to constrict and my back begins to ache. Dizziness isn’t a constant, but it does happen. I do think the doctors were correct in that the nerve is contributing to this, but it does get worse when things start tripping all the silent alarms in my head.

At this specific moment, these reactions are combining with what seems to be some kind of sinus infection/irritation (jaw muscle pain and tension, dried out nasal cavities, throat not sore but inflamed) and my period. So. I’ve spent the past two days certain I had suddenly developed COVID despite going through this same thing over and over in the past few months as I panic through every physical sensation.

The anxiety isn’t going anywhere. Things are only getting scarier out there, I can’t catch up with work because I can’t do as much overtime as I need to because I feel so wrecked. It seems like my body is finally literally forcing my hand into trying to seek further help, though I’m honestly only very recently in a financial position to possibly consider this. 

But... My wife has finally got a job, and we’re in the process of moving into our own place again. We’ve spent the last year with an incredibly generous and lovely friend, and the time here has meant more to me than I can really articulate. But it will be nice to have our own place again, to have our things out, to start taking steps of our own after having been saved from a bad situation and housed very lovingly.

Ridiculously, this is still a heavily condensed version of everything going on, but it’s what’s been eating up my brain lately, and an in depth update is... not a thing anyone wants, I am certain. XD 

[lykoi]

In the past 3 days I have

Gotten a clean bill of health from a neurologist

Run dnd for the first time (started up Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, hoping it will one day take these PCs to Dungeon of the Mad Mage)

Figured out how to raid in Pokemon Go with my mom and now I have a shiny Giratina (she is way better than me)

[lykoi]

Tumblr has become this weird place for me where like... a lot of the content here feels like it feeds my brain better, but it also takes more to be on here somehow

Like when you really want to watch a show but you know you have to Pay Attention to it and possibly like. Have real ass feelings to sort through

Been keeping up with things on twitter because it's easier to share news from twitter, so if anyone wants to connect there let me know

This past month has been A Lot personally but hopefully I'll have any kind of brain to come back here soon

[lykoi]

Conversations I've had with myself in the last 24 hours.

Yesterday: It's been over two weeks since I've had any coffee and if I'm very, very careful about how we go to get a SINGLE drink, it should be fine, got Clorox wipes and hand sanitizer with us in the car, drive through should be okay.

5am this morning: Well, we are up due to a tornado warning and it sure does seem like wind and rain are gonna try to blow out these windows, the warning isn't over until 5:30, I might as well stay up then to do my exercises and shower if I'm going to have any energy at work later.

7am, having gone the fuck back to sleep, having a stress dream about the power going out and having to call out of work while we vacate to another location for the foreseeable future: ah, damn

[lykoi]

Me for the last several months as I dither over what my first tattoo should be: Hmmmm I know I always said it would be the Crest of Friendship, but I just don't engage with Digimon that much anymore, I feel like it's importance in my life has changed and it's one of those things I'm hanging onto just because it was important for so long and I have trouble letting go of things, in recognition of the work I've done not to let arbitrary parts of my past continue to define how I see myself now I should probably get something else

Me after giving Digimon anything more than a passing thought: when we're allowed to see people again I'm getting Friendship AND Courage on either wrist and no one can stop me

[lykoi]

I keep seeing clips and screenshots from the new Digimon, and I’ve already broken down and decided I’m going to watch it despite my Many Concerns but I am just We have Omnimon/Omegamon?? ALREADY?? Taichi and Yamato haven’t known each other long enough to form a bond that would allow them to DNA Digivole, what is the POINT, I ask you, WHAT IS THE POINT

[lykoi]

Quarantine Tags~ Thanks @ravensknowledge ! are you staying home from work/school? - I already worked from home, and I’m in an essential business that produces soaps and sanitizer and trash cans, so we’ve got a lot going on trying to get orders out to hospitals and other businesses. I’m very lucky that I can continue to work safely and that my job is finally doing something I can feel is helping anyone.

if you are staying home, who is with you? - I’m with my wife, our roommate, and our dogs. It’s the best arrangement I can think of to be in at a time like this.

are you a homebody? - Yeeeeeessssss... but because I work from home, and have done so for over a year now, getting out of the house had become pretty vital. This does mean I go on walks around the block more.

an event you were looking forward to that got cancelled? - I was supposed to be in LA this past week visiting my family, most of whom I haven’t seen since 2015.

what movies have you watched recently? - I saw Castle in the Sky for the first time a few days ago!! It was great!!

what music are you listening to? - Been getting into Conan Gray, Penny & Sparrow, Pale Waves, and Kim Petras.... Been relistening to Metric and machineheart.

what are you reading? - I’m about to start The Magpie Lord by KJ Charles owo

what are you doing for self-care? - Started up an exercise routine and have actually been getting the hell up early in the morning to do it, cut out the cans of coffee I would have every morning because I knew I couldn’t depend on continuing to get them with everything going on. If this comes across your dash and you wanna do it, consider yourself tagged!